#im barely on here i just realized
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had to make a comic book cover for class, so i made it tsp-related and ig it’s more of a manga cover but idek
have hero/villain au of the og’s and swap au :]
#stanley parable ultra deluxe#stanley parable#tsp fanart#tsp narrator#tsp stanley#overseer#overseer stanley#tsp swap au#im barely on here i just realized#but ey new post and im actually not piled up with tasks ey?
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life went forward and the world moved on but I never got over among us (2018)
#but no one:(( will play it:(( with me:((#i miss amogus with my ex best friend and all her friends#she was just like me fr she loved introducing all her friends to each other its another reason i loved her so much#and why i struggled so much when my high school best friend started making friends outside of me who didnt like me#one of them even gave me this long ass lecture on KAVYA YOU DONT NEED TO BE FRIENDS WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS' FRIENDS YOU KNOW#oh and you cAnt jUst Ask pEoPle tO bE yOuR fRiEnd (jokes on her we're friends now. kind of ive been ghosting her for a while but not the po#Int 💀)#and look i learned that. sort of. but i still struggle with it sometimes#like at least with my best friends i always wanted to know about and be involved with everyone in their lives you know#which ive realized now is not practical#but im still this hopeless romantic who wants to be friends with all my friends friends and all my friends to be friends#even if i barely have the energy for it anymore. i guess losing her drilled that in#also another thing i realized is. its good to keep your friends separate sometimes because if the chain breaks you dont lose a whole system#which wasnt even a point of consideration for me back then because like i said. hopeless romantic. why would we ever fall out#but yeah it was hard having to accept that sometimes the whole world doesnt want to be friends. and people are allowed to dislike each othe#shocking i know#anyway what am i even talking about how did i get here#girlblogging.pdf
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(Click for better quality)
Healing & Growth
(gif made by my friend @robanilla-arts is below - slight warning for flashing! Thanks again, Rob!)
#if you feel like reading it - I'm gonna ramble in the tags.#Don't really feel like having it attached to the post for forever... cause what if i just wanna reblog some fairysona art??#anyways#this year sucked a lot. in a lot of ways. but im grateful for it.#healing is stupidly hard and annoyingly enough? not linear in the slightest. Yet infuriatingly - it is worth it.#I am far from done with healing. I've barely scratched the surface.#but im learning and connecting with myself along the way.#The biggest step I've taken this year is working on my people pleasing ways. it's a bad habit birthed from a lot of different traumas.#but it no longer rules my life.#I am not passive anymore - and surprise! that doesn't make me a horrible or evil person.#my kindness is no longer a weakness. its still a part of me and always will be. i won't let go of it.#but it is no longer to a fault#there are people undeserving of my kindness... i realize that now. I know what i will and will not put up with in every kind of relationshi#im still learning and exploring - and i've said a lot of goodbyes this year. I'm sure i will say more.#but that's okay.#some relationships are forever - some serve you for a while and teach you a lesson when they end.#and some relationships stick around and don't *have* to have a deeper connection#and that's also okay.#I didn't think I'd make it through this year in all honesty. I was very close to ending it all on multiple occasions.#But. for what it's worth - as of now im glad im here.#i will continue to struggle and have my hard times. im not naive enough to think depression just goes away.#but im okay for now and im moving forward.#there will be pauses and abrupt stops and likely some good ol' rotting involved. but when i can - ill be moving forward.#i will not speak a word of 2024 because no matter what it will have it's ups and downs.#but i will continue to keep working on myself. and that's all anyone can do in this weird life.#if you made it through all of that... uhhhh wow you got a crush on me or smth? /j/j/j/j#but fr - if you read this far... thank you. i hope you're faring well and that you have a happy celebration tonight.#sleep well and dream well when it comes to you#yucky draws#my art
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this is getting ridiculous there's so much stuff i wanna draw i need to clone myself immediately
#what do you mean i can barely stand up??? no that was me an hour ago im completely fine now and also am capable of drawing 70 things rn#<- I WISH#genuinely just talking at myself here#okay!! plan time: homework is 7 pages +dialogue. i sketched the rough layouts out already and i my teacher gave me the okay to do it digita#i don't think she realized she gave me the okay tbh? but i asked her twice and she said yes so no takebacksies!!!#i have a timer that only does 55 minutes. in 55 minutes can i rough out at least 3 better pencils? ill find out!#i should start with the ending because that's 1 birds eye view like three times and a car that explodes and a bunch of close ups so ez pz#i just gotta figure out one car perspective im giving myself 55 minutes for the car#lineart is gonna be a pain but when isnt it :')#hey did you know there's an entire ship month prompt list??? im seething that's such a dumb idea i wanna do it so baaaaad#whatever#ill figure it out#that's part one of getting boring shit i need to do done!! part two should be easier bc its just hospitals and the draft is already p detai#ok ok ok i can do this#the essay is an essay and the essay is getting fucked i will do it at GUNPOINT#aaaaa#shut up maiora#p.s. edit: i did some of it and ended up doing a completely different plan. sigh sigh oh well im doing my best
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haircuts
#here comes ginka drawing old men the SECOND she gets free time#I really wanted to draw toni smiling-- he barely smiles in canon#he was little reason to but like idk#you know- i realize im drawing for a small niche of like 5 people#who care about idk seeing old men i guess#but i feel really shitty about my drawings#blah blah blah im rambling#if youre reading this- is there something recognizeable in the way i draw?#idk#i think im good at what i do- its my job after all#i just don't think theres people who see my stuff and go oh- thats ginka#ANYHOW#golden kamuy#hijikata toshizo#toni anji
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why does everything i get really into always end up being so god damn niche. by the year 2035 i am going to be blogging exclusively about the interpersonal relationships between the pillbugs and snails hiding underneath the bricks lining the flowerbeds in my parent's garden.
#im falling hard into the virvox guys rn sowwy. i like em a lot hee hee. i didnt realize just how small the fanbase for em was tho#actually i didnt realize how small the company that makes them were either. i got so used to the yamahas and cryptons of the vsynth world#that i forgot that like honestly. a lot of the voicebank makers and some of the software makers themselves#theyre like companies of like barely 10 employees with like no funding LOL not a bad thing but i forgor#but yeah i was looking up to see if there was like. a fanon reason why people shipped takehiro and ryusei? not judging because i get it#i like took one look at the virvox guys and immediately slotted them as a very strange boyband (a catboy and a middle aged dragon man....)#and also took a second look at takehiro and ryusei and assumed they were childhood friends. i saw the doujin flash before my eyes#but also looking into it it seems the fanbase is also like. 20 people. and like 3 of them ship that#and at least one person ships whiteCUL and ryusei? why not LOL when it comes to vsynths sometimes a ship can be spearheaded by like#one very prolific artist HGDJKDFSHDJK which actually reminds me. honestly i dont really have many vsynth ships#i guess i dont really partake in a lot of shipping stuff deeply but i like romance!! you know i like love stories. you know this#i mean i keep calling the eclipsed sounds characters the celestial polycule for a reason tho. im not joking around about this#this is serious to me. they are stars and moons and suns and together they hang out and kiss. in the sky. this is serious to me#also i do like solaria x eleanor forte actually. its a bit random but i understand it. i understand it#and of course the aformentioned takehiro x ryusei. and also the whole virvox polycule. get that old man in here too#(what do they call people like me. a multishipper? i do that a lot. you know this from my otome game fanart LOL)#OH and i dont remember either of their names rn but i like that the cevio bank anju inami voiced has like a big fat crush on like#that girl with the brown hair. i like that theyre like. besties (turning into something more wink wonk)#thinks with all my brain. i think thats it. i dont know why theres so little. i think its because i think of them as like#audio sample libraries first and foremost and i forget about their characters and relationships LOL#but im not against the idea of making some audio sample libraries kiss...... not at all#picks up a guitar sampler and a sound effect cd. presses them together.#hee hee. they kiss
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.
#do yall ever just. realize that youll never gave a best friend.#it seems so easy for others to talk and game with others. and im just here. hopig for the bare minimum interaction.#maybe om just too fucking autistic for people. but thats a them problem-#nonsims#vent#i aint fixing any typos#idk my dms are so fucking dry cause ig people dont care about hangin with me#but if i try and start something its fuckin weird#....maybe i just need more autistic friends holy fuck
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wishing I was confident enough to post my thoughts on things without the need for a visual or cut off
Anyways I need to say the entire main party of ISAT is the rep I really needed to see… I hold ALL of them so incredibly close to my heart…
I’m going to talk more in the tags but please play this game, it’s worth it, im only on act 3 so surely it’ll get better :^)
(I reached max tag limit LMAO???)
#dramble#isat spoilers#please play this game it’s amazing the characters are so good and worth it please trust me#im about to spoiling a few things in the tags#so DO NOT look in here if you’re planning to play the game#prommy? okay ty#ISABEAU??? YOU! WHY ARE YOU ME??#no because before I knew about the game I had a whole thing last month where I made an obituary for MY YOUNGER SELF#I wrote about killing them myself#with my bare hands#while I don’t doubt my experience is shared that is such a specific thing that it hit me like 5 trucks#when he was talking about being shy and nerdy with big glasses and clean braids#when he spoke about his shyness and inability to ask a classmate for a PEN#to thinking he was content with living his life that way but then realizing that NO he did not want that#to growing and changing into the person he wish he knew at a young age#it’s. I think about that a lot and seeing someone in media share that very same experience is just. wow.#NOW MIRABELLE!!!!#AMAZING AROACE REP#SHE IS SO AROACE YALL#GOD SHE IS SO GOOD!!!!!#adorable sweet girl!! she loves the idea of romance!! but she doesn’t want it for herself!!!#there are people like her!!! and I love them!!#you can be nice to people sweet to people love them care about them#but still be unable to reciprocate any more than platonic love to them and that’s OKAY#ITS VALID!!!#also siffrin being ace as well!!!!#god I am so seen in such a good way#im going to cut myself off now but my shorter thoughts on the others are:#Bonnie is such a well written child character#ODILE MIXED RACE YAAAAAA
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are you aware. of the EPPRBCU
the what?
#im barely active here now so i didnt saw this ask until now#i just realized this is the first ask i ever received
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I wont speak much bc idk ur situation like u do but. U r not lazy, ur in survival mode, i came from a similar environment and the only thing i could muster up energy for was. To sit at my computer all day. Couldnt even play games most of the time, just rotting in front of a screen watching mind numbing shit bc it took ALL of my energy just staying alive in an incredibly stressful, toxic environment. Just existing was exhausting. It makes me so sad to see u talk abt urself like that when i know the exact feeling.... its not laziness its mental exhaustion!! Laziness isnt even a real thing. I hope im not preachy it just. Idk i went thru smth so similar it just rly hits close to home and i was so self-depreciating which only made it 1000x worse... ur body and mind are doing their best they just need rest bc theres So Much. Sorry if im overstepping or anything auu
i've been told dis by others also, and i really appreciate it ^_^ but idk! i feel if everyone cld see a live feed of one day in my life everyone wld laugh at me LOL my life is not difficult, i am not in any horrible situation... i really dont think it is the same...! i Am lazy...
#skunk mail#Anonymous#long ask#ive stopped telling my problems to friends bc 1. they arent problems#2. the more things they suggest the more i realize i really am just lazy#i lack the will or energy to do anything. i am like one of those organisms that can barely be called a living being#one of those real ''you only have problems bc you dont want to fix them'' situations#and it is true#i want to get out of here so bad ! but not enough to want to relearn to drive. or get a job. or do anything#if i werent trans id be perfectly fine living here forever i think... bc i really dont Need anything that i want out of moving out#i want to draw more but i dont do it. i dont want to do anything#im just spoiled really...and inept. i just want to be in bed forever
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Uh oh lads, I think I projected a little too hard onto a character
#christina.txt#me: i have a really great sandra lynn fic idea after this week's ep and i can draw from my own survivor experience#me realizing im just sitting here thinking about my own survivor experience: ah#we have so little in common except our abusers both being older men and us being barely adults#but i think this concept is getting away from me and now it's 4 am and im just. Thinking of my own trauma#hate it here lads
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To all the posts on tiktok and insta going on about how their clothing is to specific moments in their lives together (on camera)... can I tell them that people don't have an infinite wardrobe without them breaking down? Like calm the fuck down. How many times do we wear the same shirt cause it's comfortable or it just looks good?
This reminds me of how dating rumours in the kpop industry begin. Matching jewelry. Matching clothes. When all I see is... oh yeah, looks aight.
Below is a brain vomit on softpower? I think.
I just had a thought about how soft power countries like Korea and Japan have given Thailand a module to succeed using tourism and entertainment to boost their economy through producing artists. At this point, as much reign on the artist's private is on par to that of the Korean entertainment industry. Unlike Japan who have their artists more or less discreet. However using Japan and Korea as stepping stones, Thailand realized that they can take it a step further by legalizing gay marriage and protecting gay right to draw more foreigners in to boost commerce and bring in foreign trade with international advancements for their own profit if they see Thailand as this progressive country...
AAAAAHHHHHH MY HEAD IS GOING DOWN A RABBIT HOLE!
Oh fuck..
Anyway does anyone know where I can get a copy of love upon a time by littlebear96. I want to buy the book directly. I don't if it's still in Thai.
#this was supposed to be about#netjames#but instead turned into an analysis barely scratching the surface#of#soft power#of countries like#japan#south korea#thailand#kpop#industry#look at thailand producing their own music groups now#they have always had talented artists so why now#why now#thai bl#rant#wrote this instead of sleeping#cheers to chaos#head hurt#OI MALAYSIA KEEP THE FUCK UP#THEY ARE ABOUT TO SURPASS MALAYSIA#ahahahhahahahah#hopefully ill be out of here by then#if you see this#malaysia#it means maybe you should realize the strength of soft power and keeping up with the times#like im just waiting out for these dinosaurs to die cause even my generation is sick of you all#now can anyone let me know where i can find “love upon a time” by littlebear96 please#i want to support the author directly by buying a physical copy#and use it as a hint to come out to my mother
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Fact about me that will only be understood and potentially found amusing by a niche amount of people: oddly, the first Vocaloid project I found myself getting into was Shuuen no Shiori and then Kagerou Project. I clicked on a Kagerou Days thumbnail thinking it was a PART of Shuuen no Shiori, lol.
#dee p thoughts#music series#shuuen no shiori#kagerou project#vocaloid#I find myself curious and wanting to dig into more series but ah...Ill have to go out of my way and look into it sometime lol#these projects are music first story second at the end of the day when youve consumed enough you gotta realize none of these will be#particularly stellar at the very least you can wish them to be barely comprehensible but even then lololol#ironically I dont know if this would be a hot take but I think shuuen no shiori IS more comprehensible and tangible in meaning than kagerou#project adlkjbnadfkjn- hey shout out to my mikagura school suite fans what was that lol#admittedly theres some shorter ''series'' nowadays that are more solid but Im not sure if Id call them series and/or theyre intended to be#as opposed to just...songs that are connected to each other with a storyline. my distinctor is that theyre very brief#like nilfruits with shama kilmaa and aranjando(sp?) theyre very solid but Im not sure if theyre an intended SERIES its only 3 songs#theres also the color series from hiiragi kirai but I...theres something going on there but its very vague not sure if they seriously want#to do anything with that ajdlknbfdakljn#and then yuri kuriyama with neurosis ope and vital sign ah...#I feel like projects are technically still here but also at the same time not its very interesting haha#theres also milgram but admittedly my feelings towards it are kind of. *shrugs* eh#anyways reader if you wanted another series to get into I recommend alien stage its the most solid series Ive been into imo and its a#current running one!!! I REALLY LIKE IT AHHH#I FORGOT ABOUT ROYAL SCANDAL UWAGHHH I enjoy that one too lol
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hi not to vent again but you ever been so overwhelmingly injured that you actually feel like crying
#(tl;dr: ouch oof owie my bones)#sorry for venting here again i dont really have anyone to tell this to i dont wanna be whiney#but hghghghghhh#turns out the possible broken foot was the least of my problems#yknow how sometimes after you get multiple injuries you hyperfocus on one and dont realize the severity of others? yeah#i DEFINATELY sprained my right hip.#hurts when i move my leg. cant put any weight on it or it just buckles. my muscles spasm and my knee buckles down#both my knees hurt. or rather the ends of my femurs. it feels like i crushed the tips of both femurs#my toe(??) still hurts but i cant bother to focus on it anymore#my elbows hurt too. like ends of my upper arm bones#everything fucking hurts i can barely walk i want to cry everytime i move my bones itch like when theyre broken#i see no purpose going to the hospital. theyd just give me xrays and do nothing but keep me for 10 hours in the waiting room#i know they wont help. hell theyll probably laugh at me as usual. its just not worth it#but everytime i move i want to fucking cry. i need to complain a bit ig#sorry ignore this im just ventibg#vent#personal#and its frustrating bc im USED to this. i get injured SO often. i should be dealing with thisbetter. but rn its just too much#i have a developed high pain tolerance but this is just. too much. i cant focus on ignoring one thing bc multiple others hurt
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succession has such an intense grip on my psyche that posting about it as the final season airs is genuinely painful like . it was so much easier during the hiatus because The Beast was hibernating and could not hurt me but now The Beast is prowling and Im Scareyd
#I dont even know what it is but#like I go on here and rb beautiful gif sets but im not even mentally present as I do it because im still so overwhelmed#this is so stupid bc like wah wah its a tv show#but engaging online with something that has a direct line to my heart is I guess difficult for me and im realizing that now#like for some reason I can barely enjoy twitter memes about the eps bc#at the core of it is just the agony of love I have for this story#and every time I try to write something meaningful about s4 I can't properly articulate everything#so I just delete#hopefully this will be lessened once the finale airs#but right now I can barely revisit any of it in a way that is not......watching it live#im so fucking dramatic
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Tumblr talking about making its site the same algorithmic slop pile as every other social media bc the users migrating here are too soft brained to curate their own feeds
#You dont understand tumblr is the only site that im able to use bc its not algorithmic slop#I can barely use youtube anymore bc i will get trapped in the vortex of shorts and suggested videos#I like tumblr bc unlike instagram twitter etc it allows you to create your own feed rather than force feeding you random posts#But lately it HAS been doing that & staff just released a statement basically amounting to ''new users are too confused so we're gonna pad#everything out'' corpspeak for ''we need to make the twitter refugees feel more at home by copying their dogshit falling apart site''#Tbh i actually enjoy tumblr as a much more niche site i think that by making other ppl realize its just a regular ass blogging site theyre#gonna clog it all up more than it already is. Not like it isnt already crammed to the gills with reactionary assholes#Like the reasons i stopped going to twitter was A. stupid bullshit like locking me out 4 no phone number and B. people driving me insane#I do NOT need the people that would trigger my mental illness on a nightly basis coming here to spread their spores#Namely the dramabrained weirdos looking for problems in everything and reactionaries that already exist here but will proliferate#Tumblr ALREADY isnt doing jackshit about t€rves or fash why the fuck would they do anything about a massive influx of them#Sorry i needed to bitch a little. Love this site but also hate the web3.0 philosophy of dumbing everything down#When are we crawling back into the primordial sea we came from (neocities and forums)#emf
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