#im desperate for validation lol

[puppygirlbutch]

Baby, you can call me anything you want, just call me yours 😩🥵💖

Fat, futch, hairy trans lesbian (they/she)💕

NON-SAPPHICS, TERFS, AND MINORS DNI! Thanks! 🥰

[narugen]

not to be cheesy and gay but breaking up has been the best thing to happen to me. i get to remember who i was before the r/s (less anxious all the damn time and not codependent on one person) and i remember what its like to enjoy being By Myself and not having to overthink what someone is doing without me.

[snekdood]

cant think of the exact woman id like to be with but boy can i think of plenty i would never chase in my life in spite of that being the only way they want me to engage with them

[halcified]

teru & socialization

i've posted about this before but something ive been thinking about a LOT is mp100's themes of loneliness (and eventual connections). i think this is an aspect of teru's character (in particular) that gets left out because it's not as explicit but i've been wanting to do a deep dive on it for a while and i finally sat down to do it. just a warning, this post is gonna be LONG.

these two panels are from chapter 16 of the manga (which i'm using for my evidence because i. dont want to scrub through the anime LOL). initial sentiment: teru uses his powers to cheat having friends/a good social life and wouldn't have that if he tried earnestly. this is a fair interpretation of the scene. with what we know, at this point of time (as in within the teru-mob fight) teru would not be able to connect with other people earnestly, due to his mindset. which i think is a fair interpretation, HOWEVER:

(from chapter 17 ^^) the first panel shows teru's expression to be strained and the second is visibly unhappy. this puts the first set of panels into a different context, that maybe underneath all of this, teru doesn't WANT any of this life that he's built. keep in mind that i'm analyzing this with teru's possible autistic tendencies in mind & you dont have to believe he's autistic, im not your dad, but i do find this a pretty meaningful indication of masking if he were

(note: yes, the strain can definitely be read as comp-het, and i would agree but that's not relevant so go read this post on that instead)

even if the rest of these panels show teru content with his life, i think these expressions are pretty vital to how we read his life especially because we know so little of it. think about it, if you were a kid desperate for affection because you couldn't get it anywhere else, especially not in a way that would come off as "mature" or "unaffected", wouldn't you also look for validation in your popularity? even if it aligned you with people who you consider fundamentally different to you? my point here is that teru can't not stand out-- it's in his nature-- and we are shown how he tries to blend in & receive attention in the only way possible to him; which is to say that he molds himself into something that is palatable, likeable, and superior to other people. if he's nothing, like mob, he has spent his entire life covering up for it. if he fails socially, like mob, he has to be good at everything (even if he cheats to do so) so that everyone else can look past it.

(side note for my teru angst enjoyers: this is a panel of his mom. the mom who he hasn't seen in years. doesn't it make sense that, if he hasn't heard his mom say he's proud of him for literal years, that he would overachieve in response? not related to the autism thing i just have the teru bug. also don't be misogynistic in my notes both his parents suck we just get a singular mention of his mom)

so if teru couldn't meaningfully have friends before mob, that could very easily be because of his past mindset, right?

...except, we don't.. really... see him make other friends afterwards.

but, the awakening lab, right?

(ok i lied to you sorry there is one anime screenshot and thats because it stood out to me while i rewatched it earlier this month. sorry.) id like to bring attention to this screenshot during the cultural festival because the awakening lab can definitely be seen as a direct contradiction of this and i'd like to point out a couple things:

1) in this scene the shiratori brothers are in another room 2) them and the other three are friends with ritsu (or at least close enough acquaintances to want to see him).

considering this is one of the only times they appear together for Fun i am more inclined to believe this is an encounter where they went together because they all would've gone separately anyway. this isn't to discount the possible bond that these characters might have, but thats the thing. we... aren't really shown that they're friends and enjoy spending time together outside of this screenshot, where two out of six of the members are not even present. not to mention that teru is still placing himself in a role separate from his peers. despite stripping the superiority away, teru is still the awakening lab's mentor, not friend. teru still views himself as fundamentally different in a context where his psychic powers don't make him that way.

...except with mob. i bring this placement of power up because where he is the awakening lab's mentor, teru declares mob to be his rival, or, in other words, teru is just like him. he is accepting that mob and him are the same. (and if we view mob from an autistic lens... so on and so forth)

as if to hammer in that point even further-- in the summer vacation omake, teru explicitly states that "summer break is just a super long, super boring stretch of alone time." i'm not sure of the timeline here, but guessing from the hair, we're at least post season 1. which gives us explicit confirmation here that teru is spending the break alone despite his relationship to the awakening lab. his connection to mob is a lifeline here because mob is one of the only people who can intuitively understand teru's isolation without judgment

(also, on that point of teru's autistic tendencies: teru does and says a LOT of things that would raise other peoples eyebrows and doesn't seem to notice.

here we get teru actively admitting to his home life, right in front of reigen, WHO COULD CALL CHILD SERVICES ON HIM? this genuinely made me rethink this character entirely. teru's filter is... minimal. he isn't constantly volunteering information and generally minds his own business, but if you ask? Well.

teru is a social person, but to say he is proficient in understanding social situations seems... wrong. teru views his loneliness as boring because, despite being fairly open, does not actually allow himself to think about his own feelings and how they affect him. this loneliness is boring because he doesn't have enough of a reference to realize its not

if we are taking pre-mob teru to be a version of himself who is masking, or at the very least someone who is faking a lot of stuff in a less autistic sense, the fight with mob changes teru to the point where he no longer hides himself. in the same way that mob was able to shake teru's fragile superiority complex i think the change in appearance marks the end of the self teru had built up. from this point on we see him become a lot more... Him. his appearance and his fashion choices are, presumably, completely normal to him and we get no indication that he believes otherwise despite the reactions it gets-- which is... well, i wouldn't be writing this post if i thought it was one of his most neurotypical traits.

in fact, he seems... pretty oblivious to what other people think of him. which is an interesting distinction to make considering the intelligence we Know he possesses (which is not to say that you are unintelligent if you don't pick up on social cues, just that its common for media to depict it that way.) these traits are made pointedly, even if unintentionally, separate, ESPECIALLY when you note the amount of characters who Do ruminate on or stare at teru's appearance.

some examples. i don't even think this is all of it-- case in point.)

[cream-stew]

cw: size kink, hand kink, horny rambling, body type headcanon for thoma, gn! reader alluded to as being shorter.

i can't stop thinking about big boyfie thoma + size differences. like he's so… tall ❤️ i've always kinda headcanon him as having a bit of a chubby/beefy body type. no defined muscles exactly, like the type of muscles you develop naturally when doing hard labor.

practically towering almost everyone, he's got those big, strong arms and hands, his fingers thick with callouses (i want them around my neck)

with how often he has to carry heavy luggages during work, no doubt he can easily manhandle you with those big paws 😍 pushing and pulling you into all kinds of different positions. what other things you got that's big, bb boy—

he'd be so reluctant to have sex with you at first, because what if he hurts you!! :(( cue sad golden retriever eyes.

but in actuality, the dork has been fantasizing about your first time with him ever since he first laid eyes on you. secretly having a size kink and goes wild whenever he gets reminded of how tiny you are compared to him.

sitting on his lap, all with a coy smile on your face? how dare you 🤨 internally, he'd be fighting for his life. even with something as innocent as holding hands, he'll end up a blushing mess.

i also just love the thought of sweet, innocent-looking guys going absolutely feral on their partners. it's just so 👋👋👋 you know??? (a,, are you seeing the vision, reader. im holding you by the collar of your shirt, im shaking you. can you see it—)

ahsjsks i'd let him decimate my 150cm ass. i have a few more ideas for big boye! thoma and they got me salivating, foaming at the mouth, shaking like a chihuahua. forgive me, cream-stew. expect me to go feral in your inbox a few more times.

also!! how's your health going? hope you're faring well 🥺 —🐾

🔞minors dni

warnings: afab reader, size kink, rough sex, vaginal fingering

// note: bestie I love these asks you are more than encouraged to keep going feral in here (no matter how long it takes me to reply... that's on me bc I'm lazy lol) this is so valid tho I'm kinda short too and size kink is so...🥰🥰

he starts out so soft and slow, stretching your wet pussy with one (1) single fingers, his hands shaking with the effort of restraining himself, not helped at all by the way you desperately beg him to fuck you already... but noooo you're so much smaller than him, the top of your head barely reaches his collarbones, his hands are so big he can completely encircle your ankles, and he thinks there's just no way his huge cock is gonna fit inside you :((

no matter how much you insist he still holds you down on your stomach, one big hand against the small of your back while the other one slowly pumps more fingers past your entrance, leaving so much of your juices gushing out and staining the bedsheets.

he scissors his two fingers before adding a third one, and you whine in frustration: you could already be bouncing on his fat cock but nope, he wants to be gentle :((

you're crying in equal parts pleasure and crumbling self restraint by the time he's done stretching you with four thick fingers and he's trying to replace them with his cock, gripping your hips with both hands and slowly pushing it inside your loose pussy. it's true that it's an incredible stretch but it feels so good!! you start begging again, this time for him to move and fuck you like he means it, and you're lucky this time: he seems unable to keep holding himself back, so yep, he starts pumping in and out of you at a ruthless pace, your poor pussy struggling to let him back in every time he pulls out completely before slamming right back inside. you just know your tummy is bulging out whenever the tip of his cock hits your cervix🥰

at some point, when he pulls out he doesn't push back inside so quickly: he rolls you on your back, manhandling you so easily it makes butterflies flutter in your belly, and hooks your legs on his shoulders, folding you in half. the position feels a lot better already, his cock hitting even deeper, but it's so embarrassing to be reminded of how short you are compared to him, you can't even see his flushed face as he fucks your brains out :((

[ouidamforeman]

This may make me look like an idiot bc I can’t articulate myself BUT!!!!!!!! Big Queer Good Omens meta incoming

I want to talk about This Neil Gaiman ask for a minute because I figured out why I really like his blanket response to this “discourse” a lot but still somewhat disagree on the nuance, and why fandom attitudes about this bother me much much more than his open ended response like this one

Under a read more because im going to get Insane

First of all this is going to be riddled with my own viewpoints on queerness as a transmasculine nonbinary person who reads too much theory so if u disagree please be polite lol

So like. To begin with I really don’t think Neil is obligated to understand these nuances or even comment on them, let alone explain them to fans desperate for validation, so the fact that he’s been able to answer so eloquently is pretty impressive considering how vicious fandom is. But I want to specifically talk about what I think he means here and why that seems to bother fandom so much sometimes, and how fan interpretation of these ideas he presents can get Really weird and interesting imo.

In my view, Neil is answering this from a Doylist perspective, as in like. To the real life human audience, angels and demons are inherently queer because they don’t fit into traditional human definitions of genders and sexualities. This especially comes across in his insistence that Aziraphale and Crowley aren’t gay because they aren’t human men, but they ARE queer. This literally just looks to me like him saying “yeah so no angels and demons fit into these categories so they’re definitely queer from our perspective but I understand ‘gay’ as being two men and i don’t think that fits because it’s narrow” and while I disagree on some nuances here for reasons I’ll get into I think this makes total sense as an author describing how, from his perspective, an audience is intended to view these nonhuman characters.

However, I’m much more interested in a more Watsonian explanation of how A&C are queer, one that’s much more relativistic and honestly not something I expect Neil to go over every time he gets another ask about this???? My opinion has always been that A&C choosing human queer masculinity is significant and that it gives evidence to them being nonbinary, transmasc, gay, ace, aro, anything that people headcanon really. Because they are presenting themselves as queer in a HUMAN way in universe imo, which makes them queer not just by the standards of the audience but by the standards of other angels and demons in the story? I think that the fact that they were created as sexless and genderless and then CHOSE human gender presentations, whether nonbinary or not, that reflected themselves, and then them being in love with each other in a human way IS what makes them queer, not Just the idea that an angel without a gender or sexuality/romantic or other relationship orientation is inherently queer from the average human’s perspective. People who just want them to be Human Cis Gay Men are really missing this idea I think.

The thing is though. And I don’t think this is Neil’s problem to solve or whatever, nor does it mean “stop liking that angels and demons are genderless”. The thing that annoys the shit out of me. Is that fandom, even queer fandom, took Neil’s Doylist explanation of celestial beings’ gender status and just didn’t think any further about it. To this day people insist that A&C MUST be nonbinary forever just because they’re an angel and demon and were made that way. Like literally just inventing Fantasy Biological Essentialism again which is annoying as hell to me, another nonbinary person. Again, the fact that they were created without any sense of gender or biological sex and then chose any humanish gender for themselves at all whether nonbinary or not is what makes them queer in universe I feel. I think the “they’re an angel and demon so they’re inherently nonbinary and can’t be anything else” is shit tbh.

To reiterate, I think Neil is responding about this from a Doylist perspective aka “to the real life audience all angels and demons are queer because they don’t fit into human genders and sexualities” but I am focused much more on the Watsonian idea that A&C are queer in universe bc angels and demons can choose their gender presentations like humans can and everyone else hasn’t figured it out bc they haven’t been on earth to figure out what gender even is. I feel fandom gets weird about this because lots of people still see gender as something solely internal and inherent, when I genuinely don’t think that’s all it is. It’s internal feeling, external projection/behavior, and both of those as a reflection of social experience all at once. The feelings and internal sense of Knowing your gender or lack thereof is inherent to your self identity, but your gender is also informed by what you understand genders as, and what presentations you understand and have access to! Aziraphale and Crowley can be Human Genders because, because they’ve been on earth, they 1)know what gender is, 2)can see those feelings reflected in themselves, and 3)through that understanding choose how to present based on their feelings! They don’t just have to be genderless celestial beings in the sense angels are if they don’t feel like it anymore! They can be like “oh actually I’m a queer man” or “oh I’m nonbinary but in the way that I’m among humans and I’m not a man or woman.” I just feel like only considering them queer from a human or angel perspective but not both is sort of undermining the themes in the text against bioessentialism in favor of the instant validation of “oh they’re angels so they must be nonbinary.” Perhaps having any human gender presentation is queer to the average angel. Our internal feelings and sense of self knowledge as queer people is inherent. How we act on those things and assign meaning and labels to them can be anything! A&C can be anything they feel like! They don’t have to be the classic celestial beings above gender! I feel like they would love and have fallen into human gender customs just from so long on earth, and that doesn’t mean they can’t be nonbinary or agender. It means they, as a part of humanity, saw and understood human genders and realized what gender they were in relation, whatever you headcanon that to be. And that’s more queer than “god made them without sex and gender so I guess their species makes them inherently one thing”!!!!!!

[cryptidclaw]

Is Breezepelt different in its rewrite? How is his relationship with Crowfeather or his cousins ​​(Jay, Falcon, Holly, Alder and Spark)?

combining these two asks!

In RoC Breeze isn't very different in character despite his changes in the plot, with him being Crowfeather's nephew instead of son (Night is Crow's sister instead of mate, to keep family drama) and him being a healer.

Breeze hates being a healer, and he hates Crow for making him be a healer, AND he hates the Stars for sending the prophecy that told Crow to make him a healer. This makes him have a lot of the same character, he's also there to make up for the missing Jay hating being a med drama lol.

I am not 100% sure of what the prophecy will be, though I feel like the Stars had anterior motives to making Breeze a healer. Maybe they thought he could be useful in keeping Crowfeather distracted from the 3? Maybe they thought they could control him and use him in their plans to control the 3 (though that failed horribly) Idk yet.... I haven't fully planned everything out for Po3 yet!

But! Breeze still trains in the Dark Forest! he wants warrior training, and believes the only way to get that training is through the Dark Forest. He probably does a lot of the same shit he does in canon during OotS, though i may change some stuff!

With his relationships: I've already established that he hates Crowfeather, but he also has a sort of want for validation from him, though he would never admit that. Crow IS his mentor and supposedly he chose him for some great prophetic reason, plus Crow is the closest thing to a father figure he has, so he is secretly desperate for his attention and validation.

Breeze generally dislikes the 3, at least until he may have a redemption after OotS (im mot going past Oots tho). Crow spends a lot of time with Squirrel's kits during gatherings, this started out with him just wanting to see his daughter but grew into him liking the other's company too (bonus points: the brothers are his bff, Leafpool's kits!). Breeze notices Crow getting along with these cats who are near his age and is pissed about it! why does Crow seem to like those cats he's not even related to more than him? his own nephew and apprentice! The reason is because Breeze is an ass to Crow, if he wasn't fighting him constantly maybe he would like him. but Breeze has trouble understanding this and seeing his own angsty teen flaws.

Breeze especially dislikes Jay because Crow gets along with him really well (they both have similar personalities), which upsets Breeze since he and jay are actually very similar in personality. Breeze is also jealous of Jay because he got to be a warrior despite others telling him to be a healer, Breeze WISHES he could be him.

I think Breeze grows as a person after OotS however, so I think he wouldn't hate Alder and Spark as much, though he is still a ass so Alder wouldn't have the best time being his apprentice.

Also! Im thinking I will have Breeze get a really Healery name (just bec he would hate it), like Breezefrond, Breezeleaf, Breezenettle, or maybe even Breezeseeker.

[spyderlady]

An ‘A+’ but at what cost?

(gif by acclaimedvoid)

note: omg so this is my first ever fic (that im actually posting here lol), a teeny tiny one shot i was itching to write, hehe. loosely based on what i, as a final year uni student, has been going through lately. now im sad because i do not have peter, sigh, anyways enjoy! feedback is very much appreciated but please don't be mean <3

ꗃ pairing: tasm!peter parker x fem!reader

ꗃ warnings: toxic academic validation, mention of skipping meals, mental breakdown but mostly just fluffy peter ♡

ꗃ word count: 936 words

summary: academic validation seeking reader has a breakdown but peter is there to comfort her <3

─────────── ୨ ♡ ୧ ────────────

A very soft sigh escaped your lips as you gazed out of the window. The Professor was going on and on about a very important topic in the syllabus that you had already covered prior to this lecture. You had blocked out his voice, it was like a simple muffle. The fight with Peter in the early hours of the day was what occupied your mind. You had completely indulged yourself in your academics these past few days, which resulted in skipping meals, lack of sleep and isolation from your boyfriend. He decided to confront you regarding your self-destructive behaviours which made you lash out at him. You were working so hard to attain perfection, but at what cost? You loved him and you knew damn well he was right.

You liked to stay ahead when it came to your academics, but that's exactly what had brought you here; exhausted, burned out. Peter was right, it was toxic; treating yourself this way, pushing yourself so hard. But you knew this day would've come, someday, it was inevitable. You were absolutely weary and miserable, all you wished at this moment was to go home, to see him, to be around him, to apologise to him regarding your acid tone earlier that day.

"That will be all for today. Please collect your test sheet before leaving. You are dismissed," The Professor ended the lecture, leaving the room. You slowly got up, almost dragging your sore body and picked up your backpack, slinging it over one shoulder carefully. You collected your test and exited the lecture hall quickly. An 'A+' as usual. It didn't surprise you, honestly, but it didn't enlighten you in the slightest either. An 'A+' but at what cost? You sighed before shoving the test in your backpack and leaving campus.

It was chilly outside, the leaves were painted in shades of warm hues, fall had arrived at New York. You shuddered, the thin cardigan wasn't doing you any favours. You quickly paced out the gate to make your way to the subway, but as soon as you turned around the corner, you saw him. His big doe-eyes locked on you through his glasses. Warm, filled with welcoming, comforting affection that you desperately needed at this very moment. A soft smile appeared on his lips as he took in your image. He pulled the wired earphones out of his ears and quickly walked over where you stood frozen.

"Hey, love," he whispered, gently cupping your cheek with his warm hand. His long thumb caressed your flushed skin.

"Peter, I'm so sor-" your lips quivered but he cut you off quickly by placing his thumb on your lips.

"I know. You don't have to say anything. I sensed that you needed me so I had to come. I cannot see you this way, suffering, being miserable," he replied.

A tear rippled down your cheek as your mouth shivered under his thumb. You removed his hand gently to speak, "I- I just...I should've listened to you but the thought of perfection, the thought of being the best consumed me so much that it blinded me and I-"

"Shhh shhh," without letting you speak anymore, he cut you off again, grabbing your arms tightly and pulling you closer. "I know, those grades, I know they matter to you. But you, you matter to me more and you're smart so you must understand that. You are already the best, my most perfect Y/N. You do not need a random letter on a piece of paper to prove anything to anyone, my love."

Your face had reddened at this point, completely soaked by the stream of tears racing down your checks. Peter had cupped your face with both his hands now, his skin felt cool against your burning one. He wiped your cheeks with both his thumbs. Peter was always so nice to you. When you were around, that's what mattered to him the most. And he would go to any lengths to see you at your best.

"You will be the best but not at the cost of your well-being. You must sleep a minimum of 6 hours, eat three fulfilling meals and indulged yourself in a hobby everyday. Do you understand?" he said, in a demanding voice.

You had nothing to say, you knew he was right and you were gonna listen to him because he mattered to you more than those grades. You loved him and you felt guilty for not showing your affection as often as the warm, mushy feeling you had when he was around.

You sighed and nodded, your lips curling up in a mellow smile. He smiled as well and leaned down, placing a warm kiss on your lips. And then another and another till the two of you were out of breath. You realised how much you missed this while you hyperfixated on your academics. You craved this so much. This, him. He truly made you feel alive.

He had so much pride in you, it was showing on his pretty face. On top of that, he was giddy because he was successful in his plan. Overjoyed, he asked, "So...how about we start with grabbing coffee and donuts? Oh, and plot twist, you cannot say no," he smiled smugly, it almost turning into a smirk. You just nodded with a smile.

"That's my girl," he whispered, leaning forward and placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. "Let's go," he added, tightly intertwining his slender fingers with yours, almost as though he wasn't gonna let go of you any time soon or ever.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

im so sorry to send you this but im confused. i thought izzy hands was obviously homophobic while i was watching the show but now people on the internet are telling me that calling him gay and homophobic is a conspiracy theory. i want to trust my instincts on this as a queer myself but they say it so much i think im starting to believe it. i know literally none of this matters but its genuinely bumming me out. maybe we all just have slightly different definitions of homophobia?

I would love to answer this for you. Your instincts are correct. Izzy is gay and homophobic. You should trust your gut on this because it's important for you be able to identify guys like Izzy irl if you're someone who might be on the receiving end of homophobia.

What happened is that back in June of 2022 everyone fully agreed that Izzy was one of those repressed gay men who's internalized homophobia rotted his soul and became externalized. We wanted to put him in a jar. We all interested in how this weird little freak got this way. Then everything changed when the canyon formed. Since then it has been a mad dash to beat the allegations. Unfortunately an actor has validated them in a way that makes me really wonder about him frankly, because he seems to be operating under the impression that people are saying that Izzy is a "homo sex is sin" Style homophobe when nobody was saying that, what we were saying is that Izzy is incredibly weird about and hateful towards feminine men and he believes that Stede is corrupting Ed with his foppishness, which is still homophobia it's just a different brand of homophobia than the religious right's obsession with the mechanics.

Tbh tho I don't actually care about that actors' take because he's not a writer, he has a history of not being very good at reading the subtext given that he fully didn't realize it was a gay show for half the episodes, and David Jenkins has liked multiple metas on twt about Izzy being a homophobe so I'll trust that lol. The only consequence that Con O'Neill being publically wrong has had for me is that people occasionally do an unearned victory lap when he says something.

But also I low key sometimes feel incredibly unsafe knowing that there's a substantial group of people who claim to be queer and against homophobia but who can't understand that the whole subplot with Lucius in episode 5 and the thing with Ed in episode 10 is laced with bigotry against feminine gay men. I don't think admitting that means you have to think it's his only motivation or that it's contradictory to the read of him being attracted to Ed and Lucius or with the concept that he's mostly just power hungry, but it does sort of mean that I have to move through the world knowing that there are people in my own community who would fully blame me if something happened to me. I don't fucking like it. That's why I get so upset about this so publicly. It's like so what happens if I get attacked but the guy calls me a namby pamby or a bitch instead of a faggot. Are you gonna be like "well we don't know~". It's just an uncomfortable thought. I don't understand why they're so desperate to beat the allegations either, like he's fake. People who have experienced things like what Ed and Lucius went through at his hands are real. The argument that gay people can "do something to (someone)'s brain" is written into legislation trying to ban trans people from public life. Nobody wants you to stop liking Izzy we just want you to stop saying shit that's harmful

And I don't necessarily think that everyone who chooses to put more emphasis on Izzys obsession with Ed wouldn't be able to identify a hate crime, I just have seen more than one piece of meta that goes "Izzys not homophobic he just thinks Stede is a mincing fop who's corrupting Ed with his frilly whiles there's nothing homophobic about that" and I just have to block them for being homophobic themselves because what else do I do with that? When I vague post about this shit I'm talking about specific ass things that I've seen that have made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe not generic canyon trends. I just really feel like we need to calm down about Izzy. Like you can feel empathy towards a gay guy that hates himself and write a bunch of fic about him getting laid without deciding actually he did nothing wrong and everyone who can see that that's not true is making shit up to oppress *checks notes* people who like a fictional character. I don't get why that's so hard to do.

[withlovemark]

everywhere.

warning: i noticed someone put cliffhanger last time so yes, this one also has a cliffhanger, brace yourselves. and angst! oops

pairing: steve x female reader

words: 6.3k (this is barely edited, im sorry, im still under a time constraint)

settings: s4 vol 2 except it's a bit different (light spoilers!)

an: i honestly just sat down and wrote for 2 days straight so yall are getting this earlier than promised. i think i've tricked myself into thinking this is a masterpiece lmfao. enjoy reading! and thank you so much for the kind words! <3 please feel welcome to send more in! im a slut for validation lol

one. two.

three.

a crunching sound makes its way to your ears, replacing fleetwood mac, as soon as you make contact with the ground. 

mike’s player - broken. 

the vine unwrapped itself, freeing you after it has served its only purpose. branches rapidly piling on the portal above you and blocking you from view. 

“you can’t leave, y/n,” a dark whisper causes you to stand up, eyes swiftly inspecting the room you just had the privilege of leaving. vecna comes into view, slowly walking towards you, like he had all the time in the world. bastard. 

“don’t worry, you still have time, i just want to show you something,” you run, seeking safety in what you thought would be eddie’s room. it wasn’t. instead you were watching a little boy seated on a laboratory chair, the numbers 001 being etched onto his skin. so similar to the ones you’ve seen on eleven. ‘what the hell?’

“all done. not so bad, was it?” the man you’ve only heard off from the rest, now seated right in front of the boy, Dr. Brenner.

“see, there’s nothing to be afraid of, is there… y/n?” the sound of your name passing through his lips snaps you back, “why don’t you take a seat?” he continues, his voice distorting and morphing into the one that sends goosebumps throughout your skin. you quickly run out of the room, hoping to be back in eddie’s trailer yet things never go your way. 

standing, now, in the middle of what seems to be a hospital. the flickering lights, the blood splattered walls and the numerous dead bodies greeting you. you immediately run towards the exit, just your luck – blocked.

“y/n… what are you doing?” it’s him again, the same malicious voice. “it’s not time for you to leave,” he’s getting closer and closer and you can hear your heart thumping in your chest. 

“s-steve!,” you call out, just wanting to be as far away from there as possible, “steve! help! please!!” pounding on the blocked door, you knew that it was useless. that no matter how much you plead, no one will hear you. 

“now that you’ve seen where i’ve been, i would like very much to show you where i am going,” his voice is much closer now. you desperately try to rid the barricaded door of the pieces of wood attached to it, finally making your way through. 

and when you thought things couldn’t get worse, you're face to face with Dr. Brenner once again, “take a seat, y/n,” his white, glossy eyes boring into your soul before you were suddenly yanked and wrapped into a laboratory chair, tentacles tightening around your arms and legs. 

you’re trapped. there's nowhere to go. vecna was making his way closer and closer, his heavy breathing getting louder and louder, occupying every corner of your mind, “i want you to tell eleven, i want you to tell her…everything you see,” he darkly whispers, bringing his scrawny. branch-like fingers up to your head, showing you the future, “no!,” you screech. 

the clock, chiming. a portal, large enough to destroy hawkins, opening. steve, robin, max, lucas, dustin, nancy, eddie, all dead. 

“tell…her…everything,” vecna continues and you can’t help but feel like you’ve already lost. 

in a second, you were back in eddie’s trailer, still in the upside down, tears slipping freely from your tired eyes as you tried to catch your breath. you need to get back. to warn the others of what's about to come. but the portal above you was still tightly shut. 

how dare he not open it for you after giving you a task? frustrated, you try and think of where an open portal could be. 

and then you heard them, through the other side.  

–

they try to come up with a plan of rescue. your anguish yell when you fell through the portal was the only sound replaying in steve’s mind as he tried to listen in to the suggestions that were falling around the group.  

“we can’t go back to lover’s lake, that gate is blocked” eddie announces, recollecting the memories of the bats that are now guarding the portal. 

“ok, well, does anyone know where freddie died?” max asks. the group shares unknown glances, all afraid to make eye contact with the despaired boy. steve feels more hopeless with every second that passes. 

but then the lamp beside him flickers. 

“y/n?” it flickers once again, capturing the group's attention. “y/n! is that you?! if it’s you tap it three times!,” he yells through the walls, hoping to god you were there. 

the light flickers, exactly three times. steve feels relief wash all over him, knowing that you were still alive. he needs to get to you. now. 

“w-we’re coming to get you, okay!” he continues, feeling a little crazy that he was yelling at a lamp. “just stay safe and wait for me, i will be there!,” he reassures you and himself. the light flickers once again, letting him know that you heard every word. he looks back at the group, hoping someone knows what the next step is. 

“i uh know the general vicinity...” nancy declares, “it’s around this area, just pass the woods,” at that, steve immediately dashes out of the trailer, the group right on his heels. 

–

you hear the sounds of their footsteps getting further and further away. running out of eddie’s trailer, you grabbed the bike you were once on, speeding out of there and back into the dark forest. 

it doesn’t take much effort for you to find the portal in the middle of the road, exactly where freddie died but only because another set of vines were rapidly piling on top of it, just like the ones in eddies trailer. you curse vecna in your head.

he wanted you to disseminate information yet he can’t even let you out of here? the whole situation is stupidly annoying and you wish you could just march up to him and give him an ugly slap across the face. 

“what is your game!?” you yell out to the skies above you, not even caring about what kind of monsters lie in this world, those that could possibly hear you. 

“you want me to tell eleven, don’t you!?” the skies grumble, like it was responding to you. “then let me out!,” you cry. 

like some sort of miracle, the portal opens. 

the familiar face of the boy you love immediately comes into view, “y/n, i’m here, let’s go!,” he says hurriedly as you run towards him, hands intertwining with his. however, instead of the warmth you usually feel when steve was around, coldness enveloped your fingers. his fingers feeling like branches. you look up at his hollow, white eyes. 

“well, are you going to save us, y/n?” he taunts you. you can’t help but feel like this is all some sort of sick joke, “are you finally going to do something or are you just going to expect us to save you…like you do all the time?,” he continues, his voice now unrecognizable. 

“i-im trying,” you whimpered. 

why was vecna still torturing you? 

“you’re useless and you really believe i could love you back?,” he continues taking jabs at your heart. you know it’s vecna but the fact that these words are slipping from the lips of the man you love makes it hard for you to disassociate his face from his words. you continue to cry out for help, trying to wriggle yourself out of his hold. 

 – 

“we’ve been walking down this same road nancy, are you sure it’s here?,” steve's impatient. his leg bouncing as he inspects the location that they found themselves in for the umpteenth time. 

“i could’ve sworn it was here,” nancy muttered, confused. 

robin starts wandering around until she spots a similar view, “guys!, it’s here!,” she called out. the rest of the group making their way towards her, right in front of the portal that looked exactly like the one in eddie’s trailer, “you’ve got to be kidding me,” eddie comments, looking at steve, who had the same hopeless look as before. 

“y/n are you here? can you hear me?” steve calls out into the air, desperate for some sort of sign from you. the group looks around, trying to see if any of the street lights would flicker, assuring them of your existence. 

it does. 

various lights start flickering at a godly speed, signaling the group that it was no longer you on the other side. simultaneously, nancy is pulled away from reality, causing the group to burst into chaos. she sees the same visions that vecna shared with you. and then she sees you, on the other side, hand wrapped around vecnas, “y/n!,” she yells for you, trying to catch your attention. she hears vecna taunting you, your whimpers, your cries for help. 

“don’t you see, nancy,” vecna calls out to her for the first time, causing the hairs on her arms to rise. 

“the power of guilt is the strongest of all.”

“nance!,” steve’s voice snaps her back to reality, her consciousness slowly creeping back in as she stared back at the boy, “i saw her,” she admits. 

the group hurriedly made their way back to eddie's trailer, it’s not exactly safe to have a suspect just roaming around the streets. nancy explained everything she saw. vecna’s past, the future he has planned, and the present of the upside down, which involves you. 

they figure out vecna’s plan – four kills, four gates, end of the world. 

“if that’s true, he’s only one kill away,” dustin spoke, fear rising throughout the room. 

“so why hasn’t he killed her then?” lucas asks the question that was playing in everyone's minds, “y/n could be the fourth kill and then he wins… what’s stopping him?” 

“that’s the thing, he’s feeding off of her, increasing her guilt to make him stronger,” nancy claimed, sympathetically looking at steve. 

it was all too much for the boy. he gets up from the comfort of the couch, walking out of the trailer, trying to collect his feelings, desperately wanting to avoid a second mental breakdown. every second away from you is eating him away. the fact that he’s here, sitting on the steps of eddie’s trailer, safe, angers him. he should’ve held on to you. he should’ve paid more attention. 

his thoughts were disrupted when a certain red head called out to him, “hey!”

quickly, steve wipes away the tears that have made their way upon his cheeks, “just give me a minute, okay, max, i just need some time,” he pleads with the girl.

“we don’t really have a lot of that left,” she replies apologetically, carefully taking a seat next to him. “she told me about her visions,” she starts, capturing steve’s attention. max indulges in him, the information you’ve only shared with her. starting with your visions of will and then of steve. 

“he’s using you… to get to her… convincing her that you can never love her,” max concludes. steve feels nothing but dread. maybe if he just told you what he felt a little earlier then vecna would’ve never gotten to you. maybe the both of you would be in his car right now, just laughing about everything and anything, his hand tightly wrapped around yours as you place quick, small kisses on the back of his hand. but you weren’t there and he has no idea if you were okay. 

to think that he thought max was there to comfort him. 

letting out a shaky breath  “that…that’s not true,” he sounds so broken. he can’t even imagine what you were going through, “i-i love her more than i’ve ever loved anyone else,” he admits, causing a sad smile to form on the red headed girl.

“so then stop moping around and prove it to her,” she gives him a hard stare. he doesn’t need to be told twice. in a second, he’s back in eddies trailer. for the second time, the group comes up with a more stable plan. 

get a car. buy a gun. find a portal. rescue you. kill vecna.

it shouldn't be that hard?

–

you’re running. 

visions after visions attacking you. 

just a second ago, vecna had embodied your father. the same father that abandoned you when you were six years old. sputtering sentences like, “ever since you were born, you ruined your mother and i’s relationship,” and “you’re so hard to love, that’s why i left!” every single word adding sins to your contaminated heart. 

before that you were at the gym, trying to find comfort in the place you’ve spent the most days in. vecna found a way to taint that memory too. chrissy cunningham making an appearance in the middle of the room, looking straight in your eyes, pleading, lips quivering “why didn’t you help me?” “i would still be alive if you just tried harder!” 

each voice, always distorting into the intrusive yet familiar sound that you fall for every time. fear enveloping your soul at every moment. 

now, you’re here, facing your home. just wanting to be able to breathe, even for just a second. you just want the pain to stop.

time has been lost on you, you’re not exactly sure how long you’ve been down here. it could be a couple of days? or maybe just a few hours? all you know is that you’re so tired. entering your home, your footsteps carry you into the comfort of your own bed. laying there, just for a while, you tell yourself, staring at the ceiling, trying to calm the erratic beating of your heart.

at this point, you’ve run out of tears to cry. eventually, you doze off, hoping to god that this was all a bad dream. that when you wake up tomorrow, steve’s arms will be around you, the sun shining brightly out the window, your alarm clock signaling the start of the next day.

–

surprisingly enough, the group didn’t have much trouble getting a car, well, in this case.a camper van, thanks to eddie who was taught how to hotwire by his father. steve drives it like a madman, not caring about its exterior, just wanting you to be seated on the passenger side, instead he was comforted by his ex-girlfriend. 

“hey, we’ll get her back,” nancy breaks him out of his thoughts, another sympathetic smile directed at him, “you can’t lose her, remember,” nancy reaffirms, encouraging the boy to not lose hope. he sends her a grateful smile before his eyes were once again, focused on the road. 

the group are now buying guns, explosives and everything else they thought might come in handy. still a pretty easy step. until jason carver spots steve harrington.

“harrington,” he calls out, gun in hand. 

“carver,” steve nods, barely acknowledging his presence. of course they knew each other, they were once in the same basketball team. 

“have you seen y/n?” he asks the brown haired boy. your name slipping from the boys lips leaves a sour taste in steve’s mouth. he never wants him to say it again. in fact, he never wants him near you. 

“no…why are you looking for her?,” steve lied. 

“i have to say sorry to her,” jason admits, his voice far from being sympathetic, “you know, for that night where she helped you and sinclair escape…i may have held onto her wrist too tightly,” jason replied, provoking the boy. steve’s eyebrows slightly furrow, the grip on the bottle he was holding, tightening. how could he not have even noticed that night? he’s not too sure who he was more furious at, jason or himself. 

“don’t worry pretty boy, she’s handled worse from me,” jason pokes at steve and he knows he’s implying the times you were involved with the blonde boy.

“i haven’t seen her, i don’t know what you’re talking about,” steve continues. not wanting to get mixed up with jason even more. but jason sees right through him. 

“you know…she’s beautiful, that one…every guy in hawkins high would love to get even the smallest of taste…how does it feel, harrington?,” he continues to probe, the question leaving steve confused, “what?”

“to be chosen by her,” he stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world “you see, she ended things with me, stating that she was in love with someone else, then after that…i started seeing you with her, kind of just put two and two together y’know, it was so obvious,” steve is left shocked, you told him you weren’t seeing jason anymore because he got with chrissy. 

steve makes up his mind, he’s furious at himself. if jason carver was able to piece it together, why couldn’t he? why did it have to take losing you for him to finally realize his feelings? 

“oh,” jason chuckles darkly, “don’t tell me?,” he eggs on, “you didn’t know?” he ridicules, mocking the boy. “god, you really are stupid.”

steve feels his patience diminish with every second, he lets go of the bottle, fists getting ready to make an impact. if it wasn’t for robin pulling him away, maybe he would’ve ended up with another black eye. jason watches his retreating figure, scoffing before busying himself once again with the pistol in his hand. 

“we don’t have time to fight a little blonde boy, ok,” robin exclaims once they're out of the store, steve groans, annoyed. “focus! steve, jason’s obviously just trying to get you riled up but he’s not important right now…y/n needs us,” he knows that. he doesn’t need to be reminded the fact that you’re still in the upside down and he feels like he’s been wasting so much time.

– 

the telephone on your bedside table rings, you answer it, eyes still closed, mind still foggy. “hello?”

deep breathing makes it’s way through the phone, “y/n, where are you?” causing you to sit up, the room around you in color. you sigh, it was all a dream. 

the ease that washes over your body only lasts for a second, “i need you!” a blood curdling scream echoes throughout the whole room, painting it blue. a younger version of will byers was standing at the foot of your bed, eyes petrified, the color drained from his face, mirroring the time he was possessed.

“will,” you whisper, afraid to hear your own voice because then that would mean that this wasn’t just a nightmare, that you were now back in your new reality. 

“you weren't there!,” the boy roared, in complete rage, “and now everyone’s about to die!... all. because. of. you!” he continues taunting you. 

“i’m sorry!,” you heaved, your chest feeling heavy, “i-im so sorry, p-please, please just stop,” you sobbed, closing your eyes and hugging your knees close to your body. you’re not sure how much more of these you can take. you feel so weak. every vision feels like a life source is being taken away from you and all you want to do is succumb. 

once vecna has you, all your suffering would be over, the thought is starting to sound tempting. 

but the figure of will byers reminded you of something. there must be a portal in the place where it all began, right?

you stare back at the boy, repeatedly telling yourself that it wasn’t really him. 

quietly, you reach for the phone sitting beside you and in one quick motion, you cruelly jammed it onto the side of the boy’s head, causing him to fall to his side. his figure morphing into the branches you absolutely hated. 

running out of that room as quick as you can, “don’t you think i know what you're doing!,” the husky voice behind you bellows, causing adrenaline to pump through your veins even harder. you run and you run until you no longer feel his eyes on you. 

you’re not sure what’s happening, but you’ve noticed some of the branches hissing away, almost like they were hurting, vecna was no longer after you. this was your time to test your theory, you ran all the way to the byers’ house. 

stepping in, you were greeted with the same christmas lights hanging on every corner of the ceiling. the alphabet written in black ink is still evident as day. shivers going down your spine. you remember this. you were here, standing at the exact same spot, when it all started. 

you look around the living room, spotting steve’s makeshift bat. you carefully grab it, hands gripping it tightly, it was heavier than it looked yet somehow the weapon gives you comfort. you decide to hold on to it. 

searching the entire house, you don’t find a portal. however, you do find a tape player in jonathan’s room. quickly scanning around the boys’ drawers, you hope to god everywhere was around here somewhere. music was the only thing that took you away from vecna and you’re going to need more time if you ever want to get out of here and help the others. 

the sound of the front door opening halts your movement. swiftly grabbing steve’s bat, you make your way out of the room, ready to come in contact with vecna once again. raising the bat a bit higher, you get ready to swing. 

the face of the man you love comes into view and you’re frozen, unable to move. you can’t do this anymore. “no!” you cry, backing away from him, fear evident in your eyes “p-please, please just stop,” the bat in your hands lowering, you close your eyes, not wanting to see his hollow eyes again. not wanting to hear the malicious words vecna has managed to come up with this time. 

not wanting to taint steve’s image any longer. 

“i give up,” you whisper, your hands unwrapping itself from the bat, dropping it straight to the ground, it’s sound ringing through the air, “you win.”

he felt relieved yet heartbroken at the same time. the fear in your eyes crushes him. you are a beautiful tragedy, small cuts evident on your face, your clothes sporting multiple rips, some of those were colored in red. and your voice - so small. you’re fragile and he’s afraid that you’ll break at any moment yet he walks over to you anyways. 

the important thing is you’re alive. 

footsteps make their way closer to you. having accepted your fate, you ready yourself for the pain that lies ahead. instead, warm hands make their way upon your cheeks causing you to slowly flutter your eyes open. 

steve’s brown eyes. 

“i’m here,” he whispers only for you to hear. 

you’re not too sure what’s real anymore. your visions always started out like it was. 

hands immediately go to his chest, up his shoulders, exploring his body, trying to make sure that this isn’t just another trick. he watches you even though all he wanted was to wrap his arms around you, to let you know that it’s really him. he knows that it will overwhelm you so he waits, giving you all the time in the world. 

he feels so warm. “y-you’re really here,” you whisper, finding it hard to find your voice, hesitantly, you look up at him once again, his eyes are still brown and you can’t help but release your tears, hands immediately wrapping around the boy’s neck, pulling him as close to you as possible. you can feel his heart beating in his chest further confirming that it was truly him. 

steve pulls you even closer to him, arms around your waist, his own tears falling freely from his face, the two of you relishing the feeling of finally being back in each other’s arms.

he pulls away first, hands cupping your cheeks, trying to wipe away your fallen tears, eyes intently boring into yours, he has so much he wants to say he doesn’t even know where to start. he chooses to settle with three words. three words that made you feel like you were alive again. “i love you,” he professes before his lips we‘re finally on yours. it was a slow kiss, one that held so many emotions and you can’t help but let your tears continue to flow, the salty taste mixing in between your lips. his words replaying in your head, taking away all feelings of agitation in a way fleetwood mac never could. 

maybe if it wasn’t for the gravity of the situation, you would’ve awed at how sentimental this moment is, taking place exactly where you first met him, hell, even on the exact day. but you couldn’t think of anything else, for once, your mind felt at peace. the pounding in your head is only a distant memory, one that you’ll happily get rid of. 

pulling away, steve wipes away your tears, you do the same for him, the both of you chuckling at your actions, finding the situation you’re in hard to believe, “i love you… so much,” he continues, placing a soft kiss on your forehead, “i’m sorry it took me so long to finally tell you,” his eyes quickly flashing with regret, forehead softly colliding with yours as he listened to the sound of your breathing. his hands under your shirt, just wanting to feel your skin. “h-how did you get here?” you ask, finally finding your voice. 

“molotov cocktail,” he shrugs like it was the most normal thing in the world. you piece it all together, the branches hissing, vecna leaving you alone, all because the boy in front of you threw a bomb at a portal. 

“that was very smart of you,” you point out, steve’s quiet laugh sounds so melodic, “how did you know i was here?”

“intuition, i guess, something in my gut just brought me here,” he explains.

vecnas was wrong. guilt isn’t the strongest of all. 

love is. 

it’s always been love. 

you take him all in before leaning towards him once again, capturing his lips into a greedy kiss. he kisses you back with the same amount of force. you’ve missed him so much. you never want this moment to end. besides being in the upside down, with vecna being able to walk in at any given moment, you felt absolute bliss. 

the sound of a guitar from a distance causes you to pull away. hands quickly gripping the boy's arm. this cannot be another vision or you’re not too sure what you would do with yourself if you find that you were making out with vecna. 

steve’s cheeky smile comes into light, his eyes still holding that warm brown, holding so much love for you, “it’s eddie,” he states and you look up at him, confused, “what?” 

“c’mon, we have to go,” he grabs your hand, pulling you out of the byers‘ house and running away from the commotion. he explains to you the plan that was being set in motion — eddie and dustin distracting the bats; max and the sinclairs distracting vecna; robin and nancy heading to victor creels house. 

he continues, letting you know about nancy’s visions and how she saw vecna feeding off of your guilt. you swear you want nothing more than to burn this bastard to the ground, steve’s makeshift bat in your hand. 

the two of you maze through the neighborhood, trying to avoid every branch to get to nancy and robin. steve’s hand never leaves yours, the bats above you flying towards the direction of eddie’s trailer, master of puppets still ringing through your ears. 

finally making your way into the house, you notice robin and nancy on the front porch, waiting. robin immediately envelops you into a hug, a sigh of relief falling from her lips “oh my god, you look like shit,” she says bluntly, earning a chuckle from you. 

“thanks, that’s really what i need to hear right now,” you reply sarcastically. your eyes dart over to nancy who has a small smile playing on her lips. mirroring her expression. you mutter out a soft, “thank you,” and she gives you a knowing nod. 

“we’ll, let’s kill this son of a bitch so we can get out of here,” steve breaks off the small reunion. 

“sounds good, this place gives me the creeps,” robin comments before the four of you opened the door and were met with numerous vines coming out of the floors, oozing unto the walls, it was everywhere. 

steve carefully starts making his way into the house, not letting fear get the best of him. he gets to the bottom of the stairs, sending the three of you a smile, “oooh, what? does he want us to clap?” robin playfully whispers for only you and nancy to hear and you can't help but share playful grins.

you retrace steve’s steps, nancy muttering out a, “be careful.”

soon after, the two followed. in a matter of minutes, the four of you have made your way to the top of stairs, all determined to get this over with. 

the ground rumbling from beneath ruins the plans, your head immediately pounding, you wince, steves hand’s quick on your shoulder, stabling you. his eyes held nothing but concern and you shoot him a small smile, letting him know that you’re okay. 

the small, intimate moment interrupted by robin’s cries, “steve!” she yells out to her best friend, the vines grabbing her and wrapping her into the wall. steve was in action as soon as his name slipped past the girl’s lips, his axe quickly swinging in motion, viciously hitting the vines who were wrapping tighter and tighter. 

the vines were fighting back just as hard, eventually capturing steve and nancy, pulling them to the other side of the wall, somehow leaving you, unharmed, desperately trying to free your friends using only the bat in your hand. it doesn't work, the vines seeming to get tighter with every second. you look into your friends eyes, robin, nancy, then steve’s. you just want them out of here.

“stop!” you yell out into the air. 

“let them go!,” you cry out, the three watching you, struggling to breathe as they try to pull away the vines that were tightening around their necks. 

“you want to win, don’t you?!,” you continue, you know vecna can hear you. you can feel him watching your every move. 

“then do it!, take your last kill!,” you tempt him.

“y/n, no,” steve was able to mutter, catching your attention, you don’t look at him. you’re not sure you’ll be able to handle it. 

“kill me!,” your voice, hoarse, tears once leaving your eyes. the vines around your friends slowly unravel, causing them all to fall to the ground, gasps and coughs slipping past their lips. all of vecna’s energy rushing towards you as you were transported into another memory. 

steve was quick to run to you, blank, white eyes making contact with his, “no, no, no,” he says hurriedly, “hey, hey, come back to me,” he whispers. it’s not okay. the amount of time he’s gone through this. he just got you back and now you’ve drifted off once again and this time, he’s not sure if you will ever come back.

“his body is still up there,” nancy reminds everyone, giving the boy the slightest of hope. 

“c’mon nance, lets do this,” robin quickly adds. she’s well aware they wouldn’t be able to drag steve up there with them. he’ll never leave your side, it wasn’t even a question. 

nancy nods, “we’ll be quick,” she says, trying to reassure the boy. 

–

you find yourself in another memory, this one, not yours. eyes scanning the room, you recognize it as the gym, decorated in what seemed to be the snowball decorations and then you spot a familiar figure. 

“max!,” you call out to her, she quickly looks back, scared. 

“it’s me… i promise, it’s me,” you say gently, making your way over to her. 

“no,” she shakes her head, looking at the ground. your hand making contact with her shoulder provides her some comfort and in a second she has her hands wrapped around you, crying into your shoulders. you held her just as tightly, 

“are you ready to watch me kill her, y/n?” vecna’s voice breaks the two of you out of your embrace as you step in front of max, trying your best to shield her from him. it doesn’t work. he’s so strong.

vecna flungs you against the wall, your head making hard contact. “y/n!” max cries out, running after you. you try to shake away the feeling of unconsciousness, quickly getting back to your feet, both of you running towards the exit. 

you were in another place now – one that max has drifted to before. you see chrissy’s distorted figure wrapped around the tree, the sight alone making you want to empty your guts. you continue to run, max’s hand in yours. vecna following. 

vines clung their way around max’s ankle, pulling her back and dragging her across the floor and you can’t help but let out a battle cry, grabbing the first rock you see, you run as fast as your feet can carry you, smashing it upon the vine, freeing max. the girl continued to run in the opposite direction.

vecna just stands there, watching you both. you’re so tired of his bullshit. you’re so tired of running. and so you stop. turning around, you walk towards him. max halts her steps, “y/n, what are you doing?” she half shouts. 

max is so afraid, her mind not allowing her feet to follow you. you don't want her to. at this point it was either you or her. and you don’t think you’d be able to live with yourself if anything were to happen to the red headed girl. 

the rock still tightly clutched around your fingers, you make your way towards the figure that has been tormenting you, gaining confidence in every step. 

now in front of him, you face him, no signs of fear nor guilt entering your body. you have truly given up, accepting your fate. you had one last fight in you, ready to smash the rock upon his face but he’s much faster. vecna’s fingers make their way upon your head, the rock flying god knows where, all you could see is the red sky between the space of his fingers.

“it’s time,” his sinister voice makes it’s way to your ears. max is frozen, unable to move as vecna starts to suck out the life that remains in you. 

you can hear steve’s cries from the other side, you can feel him grasp onto your hand, desperately trying to keep you grounded. 

“do not leave me!” he commands, voice laced in nothing but heartbreak and desperation. he calls out to robin and nancy, not knowing what to do any longer. your body was getting so high, taking his breath with you. he’s struggling to form coherent sentences, the girl he loves seconds a way from her death and all he could do was stand there and watch. 

the sound of your arm cracking mortifies the boy below you, “please!, p-please,  stop! i love you, you have to come back,” he’s muffled pleas surrounding you, a tear escaping your eye as vecna continues to take you away. 

and then you hear a yell, vecna being flung away from you – eleven. 

your body makes hard contact with the ground, the skies above you still red, no signs of steve anywhere. max makes her way towards you, you can’t move. one of vecna’s vines impaling you, blood slowly sputtering out your lips, “y’n… y/n stay with me,” max pleads, her blue eyes coming into view, hands supporting your head.

you’re struggling to breathe, your own blood suffocating you. 

everything feels a bit hazy and then you see him, brown eyes, filled with tears as he holds you close to his chest, hands in the same place that max’s were.

you felt like you were going back and forth in between the worlds. 

“hey, hey,” he whispers, “you’re okay,” he tries to console you. trying to convince himself in the process. blood continues to spill from your lips and he notices the gash that appeared on your stomach, painting your shirt a deep red. 

“s-steve,” you croak out, your hand from your unbroken arm, gently making it’s way to his cheeks. he holds onto your fingers, keeping you there.

you feel so cold. 

“don’t talk, okay, it’s okay, we’re gonna get you out of here,” he hushly whispers, staring into your eyes that were beginning to droop so low, “just keep your eyes open for me,” he begs. 

your thumb softly grazes upon his chapped lips, the faint tune of everywhere encompasses you, you’re sure you’re imagining it. a series of happy memories makes its way into your mind. i guess its true, what they say, about your best memories flashing before you meres before your death. 

you envision steve that halloween night, beer bottle in hand, laughing over a joke you said. all the days spent with him and the kids just goofing off at starcourt mall, giggling at his sailor outfit. every drive where you were sitting on the passenger seat, the pretty boy next to you up to the moments in steve’s room where it was just the two of you, enjoying each other’s presence. even moments from this whole chaos makes their way – robin, nancy, eddie, all of it playing out like a movie.  

feelings of comfort, happiness, love rushes in at once and you know it's time to go.

“i-i love you…steve, s-steve harrington,” you managed to whisper out between your very red lips, only for him to hear. your thumb gently wiping away his tears, before completely slipping off, hands going limp, eyes shutting. 

steve can’t help but let out whimpers of cries. 

max, on the other side, mirroring him.

four

an: oops? vol 2 absolutely destroyed me and i refused to accept the fact that max and eddie are rip so i killed you instead ... or did i? hehe ... one more chapter left??

taglist:

@preciousbabypeter

@dabria14

@earthkissedcalum

@lettyshush

@m1ke-wheeler

@fujiihime

@zeusmyster

@buckys-bbarnes

@rexorangecouny

(ok i have no idea if i tagged you guys correctly, hoping this works. thank you for reading!)

[ramblesbiab]

(so uh. i deleted this earlier cuz i got some negative comments and felt bad but im putting it back up now cuz i like it still.)

Gosh, slowly entering Blue Eye Samurai Tumblr is kinda disappointing with how many people are against headcannoning Mizu's gender. I personally view Mizu as a gal, which seems to be the prevailing opinion often stated with the most contempt for headcannons. But not acknowledging other interpretations goes against the very idea of literature if you ask me. Mizu's story can be viewed in plenty of ways that are all unique and wonderful.

Cis female is often defended as the only identity which properly aligns with the difficulty of fighting societal expectations of gender at the time of this story, but the fact is, any trans perspective would also obviously be against the expectations of 1600's Japan. I say any trans perspective because there's three main ones, from what I've seen at least - Trans Male, Trans Female, and Nonbinary.

I have a lot to say so I'm putting the rest under a read more lol. Also fair warning I'm not actually that good at describing things, but I promise I'm trying my best. :)

(From here on, I'll be switching Mizu's pronouns per section.)

Trans Male

Trans Male is an incredibly evident interpretation. Mizu has a traditionally male name in Japanese culture from what I've learned, binds his chest, presents as male and worries about being seen as female. Yes, there's the counterpoint to this stance of Mizu saying he "had to be a man" for the sake of getting revenge, however, he says this to a man he's taken interest in. A man who, given the society then live in, would likely not understand or agree with the idea that Mizu considers himself a man, let alone like him still.

This is a point where Mizu is, arguably, at his weakest, giving into society for the sake of happiness, which is still powerful from a trans male perspective, of a trans man feeling trapped but desperately clinging to anything that makes life feel okay, even if it involves breaking away from his own comfort.

As a trans woman I can't speak specifically on that, but in the year before I started socially transitioning, I would cling to anything that made me feel happy despite the pain of being seen as a man that came with it. It's valid for a pre- or non-transitioning trans person to sacrifice some gender comfort for other comfort if that's all they can attain for the time being.

Back to Mizu, I don't think it's less powerful for moments of "Mizu is nervous about being found to be a woman" to be turned into "Mizu is feeling pain from being misgendered and wishing he could live truly as himself." It's not an interpretation I personally follow, so I'm certain it could be better articulated by someone else, but it still upsets me that some people try to invalidate it.

Trans Female

So, this is one I haven't seen as often, or at all truthfully, but I found myself relating to Mizu as she effectively has to boymode throughout the story. It recontextualizes Mizu saying she "had to be a man", now being a truthful statement about the desperation to be seen as her real self, and turns her time as a wife into even more of an escape. Further on, it makes Mizu being referred to as a monster more depressing, as it rings true to an unfortunately real part of life, of transphobes feeling a sense of unearned betrayal upon finding out someone they like is trans.

It adds to the relief of Mizu removing her binding and relaxing, and to the pain of Mizu trying to come out to Master Eiji while he denies it. Given the society Mizu lives in, it's such a painful desire to have to want to be a girl - to know your destiny is something that will hurt you. Living as a girl would make her happy, so she doesn't want to be happy. She needs to lie, and escape from desire, so she looks for a way to feel satisfied while repressing her feminine side.

As a trans woman, this sensation is like the struggle accepting one's identity, along with trying to avoid accepting it even once it has become obvious. Being trans is not easy, it never has been, so it's not unrealistic that Mizu would latch onto priorities, or at least what she convinces herself are priorities as a method of escapism.

Honestly, it's not the easiest position to defend, as it's one of the least clear out of the possible Mizu headcannons, but it's still important to me that I pointed it out.

Nonbinary

It's time for my hottest take - Mizu's gender doesn't have to matter in the story. Yes, as many have pointed out, the disparity in social recognition between male and female can be incredibly important in their journey, but it's not required for every single interpretation of Mizu. Mizu wants revenge - they've made it evidently clear that this takes priority over everything else, over friendship, romance, and most likely, gender.

Now, I'm not saying nonbinary as a label is equal to disregarding gender, but in the case of Mizu - whose name means "water", or fluid - I feel it's applicable. I've talked a lot about priorities before as an excuse, but what if they're not? What if Mizu simply doesn't care for gender in any way? They certainly don't agree with social conventions, unless we consider how they see themselves and white men as demons, but that doesn't necessarily relate to gender.

It's hard to find direct examples of Mizu being nonbinary, as they live in an incredibly binary world where they serve as the exception. Mizu sticks out everywhere, too masculine to be a woman and too feminine to be a man, so they rest elsewhere, never seen correctly by another character in the story. Ringo says that it's okay they're a woman, Fowler insults them for it. Taigen and Akemi both have no reason to believe Mizu isn't a man, no matter how they feel about it.

Mizu only needs themself, because only they understands themself. They represent an idea that, in their time, doesn't exist - being neither man or woman - which opens up new ways of interpreting the events which Mizu goes through.

Conclusion, I guess

Which then leads to the point of this post which has gone on longer then I thought. New and unique ways to interpret a story are vital to media and literature as a whole, so why would we stop others from expressing and experiencing that? Unless a take is genuinely harmful or presented as though anyone who doesn't believe it is stupid or viewing the story incorrectly, then please, don't dissuade them - encourage them!

Learn more from others, share ideas and points about this amazing show, analysis and have fun, good-natured debates! That's the moral of this post. Have a nice day, everyone.

[tadpolesonalgae]

“You made more than a mistake, Az. Now we’re all hurting because you—”

i am so glad it's finally been said out loud. And that it was Mor who said it because immediately I understood how she was feeling about the entire situation, which made me feel better about her being an asshat at the end of the last chapter. It's strangely therapeutic. As soon as Mor tells Az to shut up though, I couldn't help but start crying a little bit because you really perfected how I thought Mor would've perceived reader going to Eris-

“She could have come to any of us. It’s more than we ever had, and yet she ignored it. Then tries to pretend it away? I’m not immune to that. If she can’t even be bothered to care about my pain why should I give a damn about hers?”

-this line in particular ruined me (not to be too personal n emotional lol), as someone who grew up in a not so great home i can really empathize with Mor here. It's not healthy behavior but I can say that there have been times where I've resented the people in my life who didn't accept help after i had been desperate for it for years. I'm more emotionally aware now and have unpacked those resentments (THANK GOD), but it was such a visceral response to reading that line because it mirrored unhealed me.

The next scene with madja was the perfect balance to mor and azriel's...argument? discussion? idk. You really guide us well through the world which is something I really admire in your writing, it flows very naturally and it always feels like a very natural progression of events. (its just something i've noticed i struggle with in my own wips lol).

compliments aside, it was also really sweet to see reader's peace in this chapter. Madja herself being a very peaceful motherly figure for reader who we know desperately needs that kind of care right now, her sisters are doing great right now but she needs someone who's not family to prove that they do care about her and it will not change over a few mistakes. Which is something that Cassian embodies very well later in the chapter too.

Bas.... sweet guy :( i hope reader gives him the truth. Imo, i think he deserves at least a bit of the truth when she is in a better place to give it (she fr could've said she was at a friend's in autumn. bas doesn't need to know WHO). But Bas held up his own boundaries very well with reader as well and I'm glad that we got a little of his feelings on the situation as well as reader acknowledging she hasn't been a great friend recently. (it's valid tho she's been goin THROUGH IT)

Tabbatha... you keep saying you don't know how to portray cassian but i personally think you do him such a great service ESPECIALLY after some instances of cass's behavior towards nesta's struggles in her own healing journey. I really feel like he actually cares about reader herself compared to rhys who cared about feyre and her only. He makes an effort to get her to relax, which is something acomaf cass would've done and is the version of him i miss the most. And him calling reader out for keeping things to herself? I personally think she needs to be called out and take accountability for her own role in the healing process. He was the perfect person to push her in this scene.

The dinner scene also really resonated with me and my own childhood. As a kid growing up we NEVER ate dinner together, so reader's apprehension to going to dinner is so real, and Mor sitting across from her?

oh myyyy goodness, ik this chapter just came out but im already rereading hehehe im so excited for the next one

-🤠

If I’m honest with you, I wanted Mor to tear into Az a little more than she did? For her to fairly obviously and kind of viciously defend reader but I felt it would be weird for her to go that far, considering Mor is supposed to be feeling very betrayed and hurt by reader? I did have fun with writing Mor telling Az to shut up though 🫣 I even nearly italicised it 🫢😳

‘The next scene with madja was the perfect balance to mor and azriel's...argument? discussion?’

Oh I really liked writing the Madja scene!! I mean, kind of scary obviously, but I enjoy her character and it’s so nice getting to write someone being kind to reader? 😭 Particularly since a fair amount of scenes in cbmthy aren’t particularly lighthearted/high-spirited? I’m hoping to continue dropping scenes with Madja in here and there since it would be weird if reader’s checkups suddenly stopped out of nowhere? Also so she has someone to keep an eye on her who might know a little more about what’s going on with her physically and mentally from experience and studying other people/medicine?

‘(its just something i've noticed i struggle with in my own wips lol).’

This might be totally unsolicited/unhelpful, but usually for me if a scene isn’t working or I’m struggling to write it, I’ll either change the perspective or switch to something else entirely? Like the scene just after reader’s entered the kitchen with Cassian I was struggling with, which is why there’s that snippet from Rhys’ pov to section them up? I don’t know if that’ll work for other people, but it’s something I fall back on quite regularly so it might help you too? 🫂🧡💛

‘but she needs someone who's not family to prove that they do care about her and it will not change over a few mistakes. Which is something that Cassian embodies very well later in the chapter too.’

I’m so glad you feel Cassian read that way!! 😭 I’m kind of of the mind that Nesta’s still protective over her sisters and so that might occasionally stretch across to Cassian at times? Also I just feel like Cassian genuinely cares about people in a more (this might sound strange) innocent way? Like more carefully and tenderly?

I would have loved to write Cassian and reader as being good friends but because Cassian’s friends with Feyre I think reader would still always feel in second place and unfortunately it might hinder her more than help 😭

‘Tabbatha... you keep saying you don't know how to portray cassian but i personally think you do him such a great service’

I’m literally refusing to respond to this because I’m so embarrassed and flustered from the compliment 😶‍🌫️

‘As a kid growing up we NEVER ate dinner together, so reader's apprehension to going to dinner is so real, and Mor sitting across from her?’

Yes! And especially after she’s done something that so obviously puts her in a vulnerable position too? Now they all know that she was in a place like that I can’t imagine reader will feel particularly comfortable over dinner 😭

As for Mor, I think I’m actually going to be writing this scene tonight, so I’ll be interested to see what happens? (Because honestly I don’t 100% know how it’s going to go either 😭🫣)

‘oh myyyy goodness, ik this chapter just came out but im already rereading hehehe im so excited for the next one’

Babes oh my gosh I was struggling to start chapter 18 so did a change 🫢🫣

I had so much fun writing the opening scene to the next part and I’ll be so excited to hear some thoughts on it—if you or anyone has any thoughts on it, of course 🧡💛

[prettyboykatsuki]

ari. I would literally sell my SOUL to hear more abt this rin sae idea fkfjdkshsaj what pact with which demon do I need to make for you to tell us more ?!?!?!!!!

cw ; techincally not incest but given the interaction..... im going to count it as incest lol. specifically between the itoshi brothers sorry. otherwise consensual in every, very psychological etc, fem + afab reader, 18+

It's techincally your idea that sparks the events. Or your comment, to Sae, about how sorry you feel for his little brother that winds you up in this sort of predicament.

You do really feel bad for Rin for what it's worth. Your boyfriend, Sae, is not the most emotionally intelligent man in the world. But even beyond that, he has a definite amount of love for his little brother that he doesn't often let himself express anymore. Even after they made amends (and you're using that word loosely), it's always been awkward between them.

Rin is cute. They're close in age but he's so needy and petty that he feels like a little brother. You think Sae knows the extent of it. How often Rin seeks his validation, indirectly or not, trying to appeal to him. Trying to be needed by him or praised. Anything worth his time.

Sae is incapable of actually addressing the elephant in the room. It's hard enough for him to say sorry to you. He's prideful and his ego always gets in his way.

This is happening, mostly, because you feel bad for them both. It's happening because you want Rin to be happy and okay. It's happening because you think he deserves better and Sae should be better at apologizing.

You think you should feel repulsed by the sensation in the room. The air is so thick with tension it makes your lungs feel sticky - like there's webs around them that won't let you breathe.

And your head is rested in Sae's lap. This isn't an unusual feeling. Sae's affection for you is a backdrop in the situation - your head in his lap as he caresses your cheek, sharp eyes dropping down occasionally to check on you. Smiling at how fucked out you are, a teasing lilt like nothings different.

But RIn, is unfamiliar. He's different. Strangely, he's eager. You can feel every inch of him, so deep inside you - you can't think. His expression is strained, brow pinched and cheeks blushed. Little blue eyes softened painfully, with his lashes fluttering.

"Easy, Rin. 's okay. I'm not going anywhere." You say, and Rin looks at you like you've hung the moon. He looks ecstatic. An expression you've never seen.

(Never could've seen, really. It's only there because Sae's there, but that doesn't make you feel sick. It should, shouldn't it?)

And maybe because of you, or because of this situation.

"You're doing well, Rin. She's feeling good."

That's when it hits him. You can see it. Feel it in the way his cock twitches inside of you, that short hiccup that breaks off into a silent sob as Sae says it. Rin feels good. He feels good because of it, and there's something so wrong about how it makes him desperate. Or there should be.

To see such bone deep arousal and comfort in such a simple phrase, that he's been so deprived from for so, so long.

But you feel relief instead, when Rin ruts his hips up inside of you with a wet sob. You feel relief when Sae laughs under his breath, quietly and warmly. When Sae reaches towards Rin, to pat his cheek and touch him so lightly

And Rin looks so gentle and so sweet, you can't help but shiver. He fucks into you again, a thankfulness and affection brimming inside of him that he can't get rid.

"That's it, Rin. There you go." Sae says again, easily. Rin holds your hips, fingers digging into your sides. Sae reaches for your clit. You hear Rin whimper, practically. An honorific long abandoned of affection returning to his vocabulary like so many years before.

An entire relationship history unearthed so easily. "Nii-san." Rin whimpers, just before saying your name. You smile and Sae reaches to run his fingers through Rin's hair.

You know, in some way, that there's something so off about all of it. But deep down, you don't feel that way. You're relieved that they've found each other again. And maybe you're sick too, for being happy to be in the middle. To mediate. No longer an outsider even to this kind of sick affair.

You don't feel disgust when Rin sobs for his big brother. You feel relief when Sae replies. With tenderness he's always held back.

"Yeah. I'm here."

[cosmicswan]

𝐡𝐨𝐠𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐝𝐫 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐞

name: aisha leblanc

house: slytherin

circle of friends: liz, lina (cr friends), pansy, blaise, mattheo, theo & enzo and @gaiaexploreslife <33

aisha leblanc core

so in this dr my circle is mostly slytherins, except lina she’s a hufflepuff i scripted in but my other friends are the weasley twins & tom riddle (i scripted him as mattheo’s brother) and i also scripted in that voldy never existed / killed in his era.

little things about me in this dr;

i have an american accent but i speak french, indonesian, korean, russian & spanish (polyglot bcs my mom is literally immortal) i however, am not immortal bcs i’m half wizard. i am a half blood

i’m at the top of my class bcs either here or in any of my drs i will always be an academic weapon (i luv academic validation) my fav subjects are astronomy & charms but my top marks are from DADA & latin, i am good at other subjects as well except herbology (i can’t keep anything alive under my supervision for more than 2 hours)

my background: i started in hogwarts for year 1- 2 and transferred to ilvermorny for third year for family purposes, in there i was in the thunderbird house and that’s when i started my niche (either professionally skate or professionally play chess) i will be transferring back to hogwarts in year 4 !

my family’s heritage is french from the dad side and my mother’s an eternal (mcu overlap) idk i just really like their power. therefore i can practice wandless magic easily, my powers are also more intuitive than an average wizard. i’m still southeast asian in this dr, and my family is known for a long line of intelligent wizards and warriors (eternals) they either got ravenclaw or slytherins. oh i also forgot, my parents are both dead LMAO but i have an older brother

for peace purposes i scripted out the whole doomsday plot of the eternals lol

also i didn’t script any s/o’s or didn’t permanently script my friend group. i want to see where it goes with people in that dr. but i have a few people i don’t mind dating and or befriending;

i don’t mind to be friends with the golden trio but i am older than them so didn’t script it bcs what if they’re annoying yk,

my potential s/o’s are lorenzo, tom, cedric or any other hot side characters lawllll

i did script i was cedric’s date to the yule ball, (can you guess how i’m an attention whore?) but i don’t want a simple friends to lovers arc so idk how that will go i might see soon (god please)

i’m also in a dilemma between making my niche a figure skater, pro pianist or violinist tbh or maybe a pro chess player. maybe i’ll make a few more hp drs for each niche (or i’ll just be all of them in one bcs im crazy like that)

my dr self personality is pretty similar to my cr self, sarcastic, witty, ambiverted kind of more of an introvert, kind of chaotic (adhd) and art enjoyer (poetry, books, music, ice skating) i also am a gymnast in my cr, i’m contemplating whether to also script that in or would it look weird bcs i already do like a ton of things there. other stuff about my personality is extremely similar to my cr so unless asked i wouldn’t disclose lol

my dr self is an animagus! she is a black cat with yellow eyes, she is also an occlumence!

as for the triwizard, i didn’t script that harry became a champion bcs i erased the plot, so it would only be cedric for hogwarts. i didn’t even think to go myself bcs shit is scary. id rather watch those dragons burn ced’s ass than myself.

tbh i made this reality not only exclusively to date (i desperately want to get fucked) but also to just be a badass academic weapon and be hot and miserable in a dark academia way.

pray for me to succeed going there soon pls

[sunlightandsuffering]

BABE IM SO SORRY THAT WAS MY ASKS I FEEL TERRIBLE LMAO 😭🙏🏻 i’m sorry for your lost! and i hope you priorities matter that way more important first lol fic can wait 🤞🏻🤞🏻

OH NO DON'T FEEL BAD AT ALL !!!! IM GETTING THRU IT AHAHAH !! Like i said I cope in weird ways and i actually thought it was kind of hilarious so kudos to u for making me laugh 💗💗😂😂 i was like lmfao and FOR THIS I WILL GRANT U ANOTHER SNIPPET AHAHAHHA I think some of y'all have already seen the blowjob scene but here is more of it that i dont think ya'll have seen??

She can barely wait to get him back in her mouth, to coax more of those desperate sounds from his lips, and it doesn’t take long once the thick length is back safely in the warm cavern of her mouth. She brings him to the brink of orgasm with ease, joyous as he hits the back of her throat, deepthroating at him with such devotion. It takes only one well-timed glance up, keeping her eyes wide, letting him see the emotion in her eyes, how dedicated she is, grateful for the opportunity to please him, pink lips wrapped around his shaft lewdly. 

He cums down her throat with a heavy grunt, just as he should, where he belongs, and she swallows every drop gratefully. She leans back on her knees, breathing hard, her eyes sweet as she looks up at him, craving his validation. 

She gives him a small smile and a shrug as she pulls from his cock, a string of cum and saliva connecting her mouth to his cock. Mikasa knows she must look stunning, a perfectly submissive omega on her knees for him. 

Eren looks wrecked, the kind of expression she’s always hungered for on his beautiful visage, lip bitten raw, his breath coming out in harsh grunts, his cock hanging heavy and sated between his thighs and fuck even soft he’s still a monstrous length. Her tummy flutters with satisfaction, full now having taken him so well, her mouth tasting with the salt of his cum, so pleased to have sated his desire. 

As he comes back to himself, his beautiful face twists into something close to annoyance, his eyes thinning to slits as he glares down at her, “You couldn’t just keep it in your mouth like I asked, had to go and be extra? What if he came back, Mikasa?” 

He’s practically growling at her, and the omega in her shrinks back at her alpha’s displeasure, but Mikasa sits straighter, her mouth twisting into a pout. “I wanted to make you feel good,” she allows her hands to skate up his thighs, gentle as she tucks his cock away, like a good girl. She places a gentle kiss over his boxers before zipping up his pants, she keeps her gaze up on him, taking note of the way he shudders. 

“It was a thank you,” she murmurs from where she rests at his thigh and Eren growls in annoyance as he drags her up by her arm, “Fucking overachiever.” 

[mahuhumaling]

changes i liked and disliked in the rwrb movie 📨

ohmygod. i'm finally gonna talk about this movie, aren't i? i've held myself off from making original creations like video or photo edits for this piece of media, and i still am, because i feel like if i start making one i won't stop, but i think a textpost can be an exception because i've made tweets and threads about it on twitter already.

anyway, i just wanted to rattle off on these since these opinions have been simmering up on me since the movie first came out. lol i watched it 15 hours later on a whim with bar-in-hell expectations. karma got to me, because i ended up getting brainrot over it.

this is a long overdue post.

the aging up is both a yes and a no for me. a yes because i have previously never been opposed to aging up YA characters (technicaly rwrb is more new adult that young adult but whatever, it's teetering) like shadowhunters, and matthew does a great job of justifying this choice: grounding their romance into a more mature and real love. it's not to say that young love isn't valid or real enough, but the decision to make firstprince in their late 20s makes the discussion of forever and their adamant to fight for their love is more realistic and believable. with that said, it's also a no for me because their ages are also detrimental to the timeline and character arcs. for instance, henry's grief hits him like a ten wheeler as a teenager, and the whole explanation that casey writes for his grief is that he expected to deal with something as magnanimous as that kind of loss when he's older and not when his brain hasn't even fully developed. another instance is alex's having to grapple with his career choices after college!

matthew's best change is quite possibly firstprince exchanging the key and the ring. hands down, much better. i do understand that since the novel is in third person limited (alex's pov), it makes sense at a literary level (lol) for alex to own both the key and the necklace ("two homes side by side" is a BANGER line), but the equal complete devotion that the two have for each other at that point is excellent through that showcase of exchange. i own part of you, you own part of me. it's such a great display for the trope of "token of love." romcoms are back, baby! cinema is back!

worst change, then, is probably alex's parents being still happily married and in love. my hot take is that i understand why june was cut out and she's not a huge loss, compared to alex growing up as a child of divorce. making that change to alex having parents who are still together removes a huge dimension to alex's characterization because a lot of his issues stem from that, mainly his abandonment issues. you can see the full effect in the scene where he storms the kensington palace. i understand and respect it, matthew essentially explaining that because this was a different henry, then this was a different alex to — that he needed to be softer. he was more pleasing, desperate, confused with "can we please talk?" instead of the brash "your royal fucking highness!" because that's what it is: confusion. movie!alex couldn't fully understand why someone would just up and leave like that, whereas book!alex was immediately angry because he knows full well when someone leaves him. (*ahem* his dad) but anyway someone discusses it here in such great detail and i very much agree!

oh another good change is showing henry's pov during the email leak. nicholas... sir... ugh. fine, we're getting you that damn oscar. but seriously, he did great. t'was devastating seeing his face crumble, and the one show/display of roual authority, of hot flash of anger, of power, just to talk to alex was even sadder because that was the only time he uses it.

another yes and no change for me is "history huh." the placement of the most popular line from being im the email to being said out loud privately for the two of them is something i'm divided about. yes: there is a great deal of comfort that comes with henry getting to hear that from alex's own lips. it's very sweet and romantic and yeah tbh tbh i would've melted into a puddle right then and there. that there is a comfort that comes with at least that wasn't taken away from them. but no: the whole point of that being in the email (along with bad metaphors, an incomplete list, the story of the prince born with his heart on the outside of his body, etc.) is that these two's privacy was violated. the whole world read those words that were just meant for the two of them, but the public ended up using that line for their banners and flags and signs. and it's important why? it was then made into a form of reclamation. that even if they went through shit and worried about the consequences of being public figures, that there was hope that at least a surprisingly large number of the general public voiced their support, that they were backed by the people they were serving. removing that from the email in the movie... well, you get the rest.

should the height difference even be talked about? that's a factor that is 80% outside of anyone's control lmao??? but i do think it's worth noting that i've grown kinda fond with it that now i imagine taylor & nick's physical builds when reading firstprince fanfics plus having a taller alex who has a height complex instead of a shorter alex who has a height insecurity is so fucking funny. what a great running gag. the gaslighting of the audience into thinking henry is taller is 10/10. best lampshading ever, actually.

henry standing up for himself to the king is both a yes and no too. yes: matthew's justification is pretty nice. not only does it save them production costs to hire a princess catherine actress and pacing issues, it also makes sense narratively. the movie has written henry as voiceless throughout it really well, so for him to save himself is a great reason for why. but also it's a no for me because it's equally important that catherine the negligent mother starts compensating for her absences by battling generational conflict lmao. there's also the factor of a woman saving a man too! the rwrb universe emphasizes quite well about how henry and alex are surrounded by these powerful female figures who are near and dear to them in their lives. to grow up learning from them. point is, movie!henry standing up for himself is a nice choice because he's older. and at the same time, book!henry being supported by her mother is a great choice because he needed to be affirmed with a larger support system in his younger age.

making henry the one to clarify at first that their relationship should be casual instead of alex is a big yes for me. the mixed signals henry does in the book makes for borderline inconsistent characterization, but he's younger there so it makes sense for us to be confused. but henry in the movie "explaining himself to alex for the past year" is a great cleaning up because at the start, henry has been clear on "ok but we can't do this long term."

this has been sitting on my drafts for too long (weeks) so i'll just post this now. and maybe update it, idk. this post feels too incomplete but i don't want to sit on it, so. whatever here it is. 🤣

edit:. i discovered this amazing podcast who talk about it in great detail and 90% of their opinions i agree with! imm frothing at the mouth with how they describe and reason with each change and i just 🥺 want to share how cool they are. [part 1, part 2]