#im extremely grateful to have a job

[srldesigns6277]

.

[femme-malewife]

Tomorrow marks my 6th day working at my new job and Monday will be my 7th/weekiversary....

[breaddo]

godddd i just have to make it to june. im not saying fucking off to another country mit die girlies will fix all my problems but by god it will fix SOMETHING if i have to force a toolbox in its damn hands

[arthrimyalgia]

My shoulder is absolutely killing me tonight y'all, it's 3AM and I have just been tossing and turning for hours. This shit is so much sometimes, I try doing everything "right" but still end up miserable. Today it's my left shoulder, if I'm lucky enough to fall asleep, what will it be tomorrow? I'm fuckin sick and tired of this life man...

[the-kipsabian]

having hard time reminding myself not to be bitter or jealous seeing kip retweet meet and greet pictures from comic con

[inkskinned]

im having a particularly terrible night with urges and imagery that i dont know how to handle. i gave in to some things. held back on some others. but im barely holding on, dear internet stranger.

you do not owe me your time or your words.. but if you could write some hope into existence for me.. i would be unendingly grateful to you.

please. tell me how you do it. tell me how you survive. because im not so sure i can get through the fifteen days it'll take to get to my seventeenth birthday.

could you please give me something to place my faith in? i dont think the universe is watching out for me anymore.

i don't usually answer these, because i am not a professional, and you deserve professional help. when i was 17 i was terrified of the idea of professional help, because my household was extremely unsafe, and made it clear that if i ever chose to get help, i would be punished for it.

i hope this is not your case. i hope that you can call someone, and they can take you where you should go.

but i will give you the advice that i wish i got, when i couldn't get help at 17, when i was so bad that years later, i literally don't-know-how-i-survived it: what you want is peace, not death. your brain is sick. it has romanticized an ending where there are no consequences. where effort isn't necessary. where you can just... forget.

you want peace. that is a normal, human thing to want. maybe it feels more like you want quiet. or just... to take a break for a second.

here is what i will say: to end yourself means you never get to experience what it's like to actually be happy. i thought i knew what it was like, and i was bitter about it. i'd say - i've been happy, it's not worth it, because i didn't know what i was missing. i thought that happiness meant having a partner or having a job or money or a college degree. it sounded like effort. it sounded like something that had to happen to me.

for the first time in my life, just this week, i was able to go to a concert and just-enjoy-it. no liquor, no drugs. just stomping my feet and getting caught up in it. i didn't feel nervous or self-conscious or overwhelmed. i just had a good time. these days have a lot of these firsts for me - it is the first time i can eat cake without crying. it is the first time i can be around an exacto blade without supervision. it is the first time i have too many people to call when i am crying.

i can't tell you where you'll run into happiness, only that, for me, it started once i was out of that fucking house. it started once i figured out where the pain was coming from. once i figured out that i was not possessed, something medical was wrong with me. that i am not stupid or lazy, i have depression and adhd. the first few years were difficult. at 19, during my efforts to recover, i actually got worse by a considerable margin. and then, with time and patience - i got better.

happiness doesn't feel like what you think it will. in movies it's so golden and all-encompassing. but it doesn't fly into your hands when you buy your first car nor does it arrive in the arms of a partner nor does it require passing your classes. happiness came to me on a tuesday in the form of a red-winged blackbird, and i looked at her, and she looked at me, and i said - oh. the whole world suddenly filled itself in with color. like i had been forever-asleep. like every corner of every room was suddenly glistening.

it ended quickly, back then. it just stopped in to check in on me. but it was enough - this thing i had never experienced, but that i knew (logically) could happen. before that, i was only staying because it would make my mom sad if i died. that was my only reason. and then the happiness came, so strange and brilliant and lovely that for years i couldn't even look at it directly.

these days, things are so different. life is so much easier. i don't wish for death because so much of what i have is already at peace. my boss understands when i need a mental health day. people in general are less prone to high school drama. entire communities hold my hand and have my number. i have a car and a dog and a little apartment garden and candles on all available surfaces and today i bought myself a little cake just-to-celebrate-nothing. my body is my own and we are both dancing.

there are so many things i've gotten to taste in the last 10 years. i know, for you, that is an eon, because it's more than half of your life. but if it helps? in the 5 years between 17-21: i filled myself with laughter and love. i got to be a lead in a ballet and got my first tattoo and then my second and pierced my ears the way i'd wanted to (one of them professionally the other over a hot stove with a potato) and i discovered hozier is my favorite singer (i know. he was new back then) and i got my first real job and my first real paycheck and i hadn't ever been seen as smart but then i started to actually treat my adhd as a condition rather than a burden and people started saying you're like the smartest person in the room and my best friend met her husband who i will one day stand next to as maid of honor when he is her groom and i got to help people and make a stupid blog called "inkskinned" and find out that writing is actually my passion and that maybe i'm actually kind of good at it if i just practice and i got to meet my parents' dog (his name is kaiju) and i slept on couches and kissed people and tried new things and learned how to breathe without feeling my chest tighten and that peace is here, on this planet, that peace echoes everywhere, it is in my hair and my homework and my houseplants, it is quiet and divine and mine because i fought for it and i built it and yes i lost hair over it but holy shit the whole world feels like it is shifted through a sunbeam

recently someone asked me if i could go back in time to 6th grade, with all the knowledge i have now, would i? and without thinking, i barked absolutely not. i know i should say it's because i wouldn't want to risk losing any of this stuff - but really it's because i would never survive being a teenager again. it sounds incredibly lame and impossible, fake - but being a teenager was the hardest thing i ever did. i had no voice, no control, only fear and hatred.

but i did survive it. nothing about me is special. nothing about me is stronger than you or better prepared or more efficient. i didn't survive it perfectly. i made a lot of mistakes and lost a lot of friends and harmed myself in ways that i'm still recovering from. but i did survive it. and there is a part of me looking at you in the past and saying - i'm you in the future.

and holy shit. every day. every goddamn day i'm glad we survived to see the rest of it. because you hit 18 and everything changes. like, everything. and holy shit, it is infinitely worth it.

[reggies-eyeliner]

OKAY AN EXTREMELY SELF-INDULGENT SENSELESS RAMBLE ABOUT JWCT REGARDING GRIEF AND EMOTIONS AND FOUND FAMILY AND COMPLEX CHARACTERS COMING UP AHEAD WOOP WOOP !!!

i cannot stress to you enough. how much i love the way they write processing trauma. like yeah trauma is all silly and angst and whatever but it's a real thing like genuinely and it's exhausting to see shows just dismiss it over and over again but THIS SHOW I SWEAR IT'S JUST. EVERYTHING IS DONE SO SO WELL AND I AM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL LIKE

and not to mention that the animation SERIOUSLY DOES IT JUSTICE like the expressions are SO GOOD OH MY GOSH LIKE IT'S I'M THEY'RE YEAH THE EXPRESSIONS. ARE INCREDIBLE. that looks darius got in his eyes when he KNEW the password to brooklyn's phone and kenji didn't??? so good SO GOOD and just the way their eyes all shine before they start crying is actually done so well that if you listen carefully you can feel my heart breaking

also i love how like emotional processing is also written so much. all of them aren't afraid to cry and i feel like that's just. yeah it's beautiful. they cry soft they cry loud whatever it is they're comfortable enough to do so and if they're not they at least know they won't be judged for it ARE YOU KIDDING ME I'M GOING TO BITE A TABLE?????

the characters have flaws. i love that so much. the characters are not perfect but they're still likable and it's executed so well. darius' grief is PALPABLE and kenji's anger, albeit sometimes annoying, is so understandable that you can't actually be angry or annoyed with him because the story writing makes you understand. that's incredible. yasmina struggles with anxiety and ptsd and she gets frustrated and that is !! okay !! sammy ignores her emotions and struggles with toxic positivity but we understand *why* she talks to yasmina that way (because she's worried and scared and concerned for her girlfriend, but she's also just as worried of truly addressing what she's been through) so it's so hard to get mad at her. ben is THANJ GOODNESS not mischaracterized as a cinnamon roll and is actually a complex character with complex emotions and i can't get enough of it. he's like a pain he's so annoying sometimes but it's endearing because he reminds you of that one classmate from elementary that makes you go ohhh yeah no it's him that's fine

okay paragraph was getting long but I do have more to say about kenji. the relationships in this show are executed SO WELL and I'm beyond relieved that Kenji and Daniel's relationship was written INCREDIBLY WELL

like. okay first off the asian rep YEAHGHH IT EAS GOOD !!! WOOP WOOP YRAHAHDH HONK HONK the part about kenji saying he should get his violin after daniel was like telling his sob story was SO FUNNY OH MH GOSH

and just. kenji and daniel kon. im. like his dad was never perfect. far from it and yet kenji just he loves him so much and wants to make him proud and it makes me sick because the writing helps you UNDERSTAND why

daniel keeps giving kenji ultimatums and kenji standing up to him for once just. yeah. that was done incredibly well. and then not even ten minutes after daniel started to change and gave his son something without expecting anything in return other than his presence daniel gets eaten alive in front of him.

okay now this show holy moly i was NOT expecting daniel to just. get ripped apart but um YEAH THAT HAPPENED and the grief was written so well I cannot stress this enough. I loathe in movies and shows when they skim past traumatic deaths and just act like the grief is just non existent and this show does an incredible job at showing that it is VERY MUCH STILL THERE and it makes people out there who are struggling feel a little less crazy and that's so beautiful

i've been a benrius enthusiast since day one and honestly at this point i just hope everything goes well for them moving on. brooklyn's death and Darius coping with her grief was done SO SO WELL and honestly okay as much as i love sibling-type dinostar i think rewatching scenes with the lens that he was in love with her just makes it hurt so much and it's just. yeah. it's written well.

I will say that I think the story could have gone on without Darius confessing his love to Brooklyn, and the scene where Kenji asked Darius about the voicemails could have been used solely as a chance to highlight grief. another way the scene could have gone was if kenji sifted through the voicemails and just heard Darius's voice shatter in a way he's never quite heard it or listened to darius blame himself and that could have been a moment for kenji to realize that grief isn't something people should deal with alone, that *he* shouldn't deal with grief alone

regardless i really do think the idea that Darius was in love with Brooklyn was done really well. I don't know a better way for kenji to have figured out the truth, and for that I am grateful :D!! I hope the hardcore shippers don't get too mad though 😭

also I absolutely loved the lady with the whistle. she's cool. her character design is terrifying and the way she treats the dinosaurs reminds me a of a queen that is very fond of her workers like 😭 she's cool but also i would never want her within a 100 mile radius of me

the found family in this show is actually. yeah. it makes me cry because it's just done so well because it doesn't idealize perfect relationships. there are awkward moments, there are sad moments, characters still feel broken and alone despite having people who've actively said that they'd go to the moon and back for them. it's realistic and it's written beautifully

I think Darius might actually be the character with The Writing ever. his grief and his nostalgia, his awkwardness and fascination with learning and his kindness are all things that exist together and I am so so grateful for that. he's allowed to laugh and make jokes while feeling constant, looming guilt. he is fascinated with learning while also struggling to feel like he deserves to be happy, he enjoys learning about dinosaurs while also being terrified of them on the worst days. he feels guilty and feels like a bad person. but he's loved and he's cared for. can you tell he's my favorite now because

enamored with yasmina and sammy as always. they are just the girlfriends ever and i love so much how openly they communicate with each other. sammy apologizes when she makes mistakes, yasmina doesn't hold it against her. they're always at each other's sides and their love isn't conditional. i love them SO MUCH

okay sorry im making this about darius again but this guy actually is The character ever. I don't think I've ever felt so seen in a character and i just yeah the writers are incredible because all of the characters are written to feel relatable, and if not that, to feel real. it was just a huge comfort to me to know that okay im not crazy for feeling this way because of a character, who was written and animated by dozens and dozens of creators was allowed to be written this way, i'm not messed up in the head, im just processing emotions and it's okay that I need help for that

THIS SOUNDS SO CRINGE I AM SO SORRY

but yeah i. i love this show.

[spicyspiders]

Is it okay if i could request Ghost x Soap x male reader (i prefer Male reader being a sub if your okay with that! And i hope your okay having 2 people shipped with male reader!).

So like male reader kinda acts like Ghost but more bitchy and easy to get mad and is extremely short- so uhm.. Reader got into a fight with Soap and Ghost because of some shit and they end up teaming up and rails the readers ass (plus points if theres feminization and breeding kink.. anndd double penetration.. (if your okay with that (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠)))

Im sorry if this seems to much😭😭 but i hope you have a good day/night!<33

I didn't put any feminization, but there is a breeding kink line and double penetration. Hope you still like it.

“You could’ve gotten yourself killed!” Ghost yelled. 

You rolled your eyes before responding, “we all could die. It’s practically in the job description.”

Ghost scowled at your words, and when he looked over at Soap, it deepened. 

“He right! Stop glaring at me,” Soap said when he saw the glare Ghost was sending his way. “I think,” Soap began, he stepped up to wrap an arm tightly around your shoulder, “we can’t lose you. Plus, you know Ghost is bad at communicating.”

“Fuck off,” Ghost responded, and Soap hid his smile into your shoulder. 

“Ghost can’t lose you in a gay way, but the rest of us can’t lose you because you’re one hell of a shot,” Soap said, rubbing an arm up and down your arm. 

“I’m glad to know where I stand,” you said sarcastically. 

“Good!” Soap stepped away and left the room, likely to go shower. 

When he was gone from the room, Ghost stepped up and wrapped his arms tightly around you. Before he tucked his head into your neck, he pulled his mask off so he could press his lips directly to your neck. 

“Sorry I worried you,” you whispered. 

Ghost pressed a small kiss to your neck before responding, “I know how hard that is for you to admit.”

“Fuck you,” when you tried to push your way out of his arms, they tightened around you. It took more effort than you wanted to admit, but you managed to push your way out. You were kind of pissed off and almost out of breath, but free. 

You took off down the hallway to your bedroom, and Ghost was quick to follow. 

-

A few days later brought on another mission.

You had almost gotten killed yesterday, so this mission couldn’t be that much worse could it?

It could be, and it was. 

By the end of the mission, Ghost was much angrier than he had been on the previous one. What was worse was it wasn’t just him that was angry, it was also Soap, as well as your commander. 

“What were you thinking?” Price asked. Out of the three, he was the calmest. You weren’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. 

“We got the information we needed, didn’t we?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest.  

For a moment, it was quiet, and then it was broken. 

“We’re all used to these little,” He gestured his hand in front of him through the air, “stunts you pull,” he stepped closer to you and put an angry finger up directly at you. “You put your other operatives in danger,” he ended quietly. 

His words filled you with anger, but you weren’t sure if that anger is more so from your actions, or from the tone of Price’s voice. He sounded like an angry parent, part of you was sure he was about to say he was disappointed in you. 

“You’re off the next mission,” Price said sternly. 

You closed your eyes and took in a deep breath, trying to calm yourself. A sense of shame mixed in with your anger when you could feel a prickle behind your eyes. When you opened your eyes, however, you were grateful when no tears spilled over. 

Yes sir. I’m sorry,” you whispered, looking from Price, to Soap, and then Ghost before looking back down. When all was quiet, you took your leave. You wanted to just strip your gear off and go to bed, but you knew a shower would make you feel better. 

The shower, did in fact make you feel better. Now relaxed and still a little wet, you made your way to your room. 

You opened the door and flicked on the light, greeted to the signt of Ghost and Soap. “Were you sitting in the dark?”

“I wanted to turn the light on, but,” he pointed a thumb at Ghost, “he wanted to brood in the dark.”

“We wanted to check up on you,” Ghost said, ignoring Soap’s comment. 

“Also to see if you were still angry,” Soap said. 

“I was starting to feel better, but you aren’t really helping,” you said, trying to stay calm. 

“We were actually just talking about that,” Soap responded. 

“In the dark?” You asked leaning against the door. 

“We could do it in the dark,” Soap said in a low voice. You weren’t really sure if he was talking to you or himself. 

You raised a brow in question, “do what?”

“Make you feel better,” Ghost answered. He was unmasked and like Soap, dressed down in comfortable casual clothing. 

“What does that entail?” You questioned, feeling annoyed with how vague they were being. 

“Fucking you,” Soap answered, deadpan. 

You opened your mouth just to close it a few times over while your brain tried to catch up. “What’re you,” you paused, looking between the two men, “going to watch?” You asked Soap. 

Soap let out a chuckle before responding, “I sure hope not,” he looked over at Ghost as the man stepped up to you. 

“Here’s what we’re going to do,” Ghost wrapped his hands around your waist and pulled your bodies flush together. “We’re going to fuck you so hard that it fries that brain of yours,” he then moved his hands up to your shoulders, “and then maybe you’ll listen,” he shook you back and forth like he was trying to shake some sense into you. 

As much as you didn’t want to, you smiled and let out a laugh, “what if that doesn’t work?” You asked when he stopped shaking you. 

Soap was the one to answer, “then we get Gaz and Price to help us fuck some sense into you.” 

You couldn’t see Soap with Ghost standing in front of you and blocking your vision with his big and bulky body, but the noises coming from the direction of where his voice came from suspiciously sounded like he was getting naked. 

“Are you naked?” You asked.

You could hear him flop onto your bed before he responded, “maybe you should come find out,” he said suggestively. 

“You suck at flirting,” you said, pulling a chuckle out of Ghost. 

“Like your boyfriend is any better,” Soap said, sound mildly offended. 

“He snagged me, didn’t he?” You asked mostly to Ghost, looking up at him. You smiled up at him, an equally soft smile resting on his face. 

Ghost leaned down, kissing you softly over and over until your smiles were gone. When the kiss was over, he moved back until he had just enough room to pull his clothes off. 

You pulled your clothes off to join Ghost and Soap in their naked states. 

Sharing a communial shower on base meant you had seen Soap naked before. However, stepping up to your bed to see him lounging on it lazily stroking his cock was extremely different than seeing him naked while he was showering. 

“So,” you began, “I assume you two have a plan.”

“Someone sounds nervous,” Soap laughed, “that’s unlike you.”

“It’s certainly not what I expectected,” you sat beside Soap on the bed and watched as Ghost rummaged around in your bedside table for the lube. Looking at Ghost’s ass always seemed to calm you down. 

“Ghost is going to open you up with his giant fingers and then we’re going to fuck you,” Soap laid a hand on your hip and rubbed at the skin in comfort, trying to ease your nerves.

“Okay,” you breathed out, “that sounds straight-forward.”

Soap let out a laugh, “nothing about this is straight,” he let out a yelp when you pulled at one of his leg hairs. 

Ghost returned as you watched Soap rub at the spot you had pulled. You laughed at the sour expression Soap sent your way. 

Soap got up to push you down into the bed. You giggled when your head made contact with the blanket. Your laughs soon died off when your ass cheeks were spread and a wet finger pressed at your hole.

It all kind of became hazy when Ghost began preparing you. It was sensations you were accustomed to now, so it was easy to just tap out. 

You paid no mind to Soap, just laid there as pleasure began to wash over you. You felt like a selfish lover as you laid there, but it made you smile. You pressed it down into the blanket so they both wouldn’t see. 

They made comments to one another while Ghost continued to open you up. Just as the burn of three fingers inside you had stopped, Ghost slipped in a fourth. 

“He could probably take your whole fist,” Soap said in fascination. 

Ghost let out a dark chuckle that made you shiver, “you think?” He asked. 

“No, he can’t,” you turned your head to say. It didn’t sound very convincing. Right when the words left your mouth, images flashed in your brain. Ones of Soap holding you down and making you talk all of Ghost’s fingers. 

It already felt mind numbigly good to take his fingers, and then eventually his cock. So it made you wonder how his entire fist would feel nailing your prostate-

You didn’t even realize you were hard until your orgasm shot through you. You weren’t sure if it was the fantasy you just had, or the feeling of the fingers inside you against your prostate that drew you to orgasm. What you did know was that because of it, there was now a messy pool of come soaking into the blanket of your bed. 

You went lax, falling into the sticky mess below you. It was almost too much, when your oversensetive softening cock made contact with the blanket. Ghost helped, at least, by pulling his fingers out slowly. 

You went boneless as Ghost mandhandled you. You ended up on top of Soap, your legs bracketing his hips. You wondered for a moment if Soap was going to make you do all the work until the head of his cock kissed your hole. 

He pressed inside slowly, slow enough that when the head of his cock brushed your prostate, you were already growing hard again. You both let out long breaths when he bottomed out. 

Soap gripped the globes of your ass cheeks in a tight grip. He lifted your hips up enough that he was able to thrust up. 

With the tempo he had set up, the anticipation of Ghost’s cock was almost over with the pleasure that Soap’s cock was giving you. 

Your body clenched up when Soap stopped, “shh,” Soap tried to comfort you by running his hands up and down your sweaty back, but it did little to help. 

“Ah!” You hissed out when Ghost buried a hand in your hair and yanked you back. You fell back into his strong chest, waiting in anticipation for what was to come. 

“You can take it,” Ghost whispered into your ear, “you will take it,” he commanded. 

When the command hit your ear, your body relaxed.

Ghost went in slow, slower than Soap had. You felt full with just the head in, and you couldn’t imagine how it would feel when he was fully inside. 

One of his large hands made its way to your side, and the other spanned your lower stomach. “We’re going to fuck you so full,” Ghost spoke into your neck. “Going to breed you and keep you safe on base,” he spoke into your ear so Soap wouldn’t hear. 

His words almost pushed you over edge, and as if he could read you like a fucking book, Ghost wrapped a tight hands around the base of your cock to keep your orgasm at bay. 

When you let out a low whimper in protest, Ghost pulled his hand away and placed it around your neck to angle your neck into a sloppy kiss. 

The rhythm they started was different. Different from the one Soap had done, and different from the one Ghost would normally set when he was fucking you. It was messy, nearly awkward, but it was just enough. 

Enough that your orgasm quickly approached again. It was hard to give a warning, what with Ghost’s tongue being in your mouth. Any noise you let out were chased away by his tongue, and were soon accompanied by similar noises made by Ghost. 

You clenched down on the cocks inside you and clenched your fingers into the chest below you. 

Soap let out hisses off pain when your nails raked into his skin, but the pain only managed to spur him on, fucking you through your orgasm until he came to his. 

You blacked out and came back a moment later. It was enough time for you to have fallen onto Soap’s heaving chest and for the man to wrap his arms around you, but not enough time for Ghost to join you both in orgasmic bliss. 

The punched out whimpers you were letting out only spurred him on. The room was filled with the filthy squelch of Ghost’s cock, lubed up by not only what he had used to finger you open, but also Soap’s come.

Soap had gone soft enough for his cock to slip out, something that you were sure Ghost enjoyed. He wrapped a hand possessively around the back of your neck as he came. He thrust a few times before bottoming out, pushing the mix of come deep inside you. 

You and Soap both groaned as Ghost dropped his weight on top of you. Not that you didn’t love being sandwiched below a sweaty, fucked out Ghost and your bed, he was fucking heavy. 

“You’re fucking heavy!” Soap yelled as best he could, crushed under not only Ghost’s weight, but yours as well. 

“We’re not all going to fit,” you slurred out when Ghost got off top of you both. 

“You’re really going to say that after what we just did?” Soap asked with a chuckle. 

Too tired to respond, you simply raised your head to glare at him.

[swampgallows]

hey all im really embarrassed about this but im going to get a lot of dental work done soon that ive had to put off for over 7 years because dentiCal won't cover it & i have no income. to spare tedious details i paid for a crown in 2018 that will have to be remade. it was 900 but got reduced to ~700 through a discount program (not insurance). i have advanced periodontitis that will need a gum graft but right now im trying to take care of the root canal ive needed and had a temp crown on since 2017. either way the dental reaper has come to collect to the tune of several thousands, so if anyone's willing to help recoup my loss from the crown it would help tremendously.

link to kofi is on my blog and my paymentPal is my url at gmail dot com.

i can supply the receipts or more details of the situation or even pics of my teeth if requested i just feel stupid posting this or calling attention to it at all. in the past ive offered commissions but nobody really wants my art and i no longer make any as it is. so all i can really offer is my thanks, and my apologies. ive never straight up asked for donations before in the 10+ years ive been on tumblr (although i have received some out of the blue in the past, for which i am extremely grateful) but after my most recent job opportunity fell through & my health has been getting worse, ive been put in a bind. if i can finally get this stuff done it would help to improve my overall health by being able to chew on both sides and having more solid foods, as well as hopefully reducing my bruxism and tmj headaches. please don't donate if you can't spare it, i know we're all collectively doing a bit shit lately. anyway thanks for reading this far.

[paper-mario-wiki]

I don't know if you've talked about this elsewhere already but was the break from streaming intentional and/or are you planning on returning to streaming some time in the foreseeable future? no pressure, I just miss your silly antics :o)

felt very burnt out from being someone who people are always lookin at all the time mostly! (and also a lot more reasons)

got a new job that pays just as well as streaming (which is enough to pay for rent in seattle with roommates, buy food for myself, and sometimes buy yet another japanese gamecube via online auction), and have been enjoying the feeling of not relying on anonymous teenagers and young adults who are just as poor as me on the internet for my income. It's something i was extremely grateful for, but it's not only a very infirm way to generate revenue on a reliable basis, but also i always felt an ever-present sense of guilt for it. like, instilling within other people who i know are in my tax bracket (one that is below the poverty line) the idea of "hey if you dont tip me for doing this free service, the quality of which is damningly subjective, I will be homeless. but no pressure haha" is something that i was never able to shake.

also like. performing is quite draining for me! the way i portray myself in my streams is EXTREMELY extroverted while, in my personal life, i prefer to spend 8 to 14 of my waking hours every day by myself in my room with my dog. i like the quiet, and i feel at peace most when i am not being perceived by other people.

lastly, i really dislike having inordinate levels of social power. for a several reasons. like, SEVERAL reasons. this is the longest section of this post.

8 years ago, i got way more famous than any 16 year old should ever be when i got tens of thousands of followers overnight for doing undertale shit. and i think it really fucked up my ability to make friends at a time where my only experience meeting new people was at school or at church, and i lived far enough out in the woods that i couldnt just go outside and hang out with the neighbors cuz the neighbors lived a mile away. my socializing skills in general are way more stilted than i'd prefer for someone my age. in private settings ive got my foot in my mouth a lot. and sometimes in public settings too! im sure if youve seen streams ive been on, youve seen plenty of "chase you really shouldnt have said that" moments. and youre probably right, i probably shouldnt have! my moment-to-moment gauge for what i should and shouldnt say is very slow to catch up cuz ive got like. advanced mental illnesses. like, im not joking when i say ive been formally diagnosed several times over by different doctors with shit ive never heard anybody ever talk about, online or otherwise.

i dont think that's an excuse to say heinous or cruel things by any means of course, but i also think that i should not rely on a job where there's constantly a microphone in my hand and an audience listening intently to what i say. im not at all pulling the "its okay that i say mean things because im mentawy iww" card. as a matter of fact i think it's not okay that i say them! and i feel very embarrassed when i do! the filter that separates "normal healthy thoughts" and "intrusive unhealthy thoughts" is thinner and more flimsy in my brain than in others.

ive only gotten this far because i surround myself with very smart, patient, and kind people, and by trying to be understanding and patient with others too. and ive begun apologizing to people a lot more. i dont like it when people are mad at me, and i dont like that for a long time i had professionally painted myself into a corner where im typically always the "heel" in comedy settings, because the "heel" is the guy everyone shits on all the time. i got this reputation not because i actively enjoy being mean, but because i learned to adapt to the aforementioned "clinically unreliable intrusive thoughts filter" by realizing i would say things that came across as mean, and in real time exaggerating that it into a character that people could shoot back at without feeling guilty while still having fun. theres nothing that ruins a good time quite like someone who is constantly apologizing for doing something wrong, and then continuing to do that wrong thing anyway. dont misunderstand, i absolutely adore dunking on weenies when everyone can get a good laugh out of it (like tumblr anons, who i think should be classified as prokariyotic invertebrates and not people (no offense)) but even though it's a joke it still feels very bad when that's expected of me when i walk into a room. because if i walk into a room, and everyone expects me to be an asshole, everyone is on the defensive before i say anything, and sometimes they take shots at me when im not trying to "play". even worse, if im a heel in a setting where it's expected of me and someone cant really keep up with "the bit" then that just means im being an asshole to someone who cant or doesnt have the energy to fight back. and not just any asshole, an asshole who has had nearly a decade of professional experience being a paid asshole.

if im being frank, i dont know if i'll come back in a full capacity. i might! im not ruling that out! and you'll probably still see me pop up in my friends streams, because i did LOVE what i did for a very long time! but after i took my "break" in december after being more stressed than ive ever been, and i knew it was no longer financially necessary for me to livestream, i had the thought "i will go back to streaming when i find within myself a desire to do so" and ya know what? i havent yet.

and DO NOT FUCKING BOTHER MY FRIENDS ABOUT THIS. if you post a fucking "hey have u heard what chase said" message in their chat or in their DMs or anything, im not joking when i say you are actively being the kind of person i changed my career to avoid! fuck you, for real! stop trying to interface with them to get some new piece of information or opinion about me you fucking weirdo! they'll talk about me if they want to, but going to someone who is doing their own thing and asking them to instead comment on someone else it is ALWAYS fucking annoying. if you want to think about me, do it by yourself! or ask me directly! or do it in the comment section of a video im in! or write a fanfiction about me and then throw it away!

but if ur not that kind of person then ur cool dont worry.

anywho! im sorry if this is a bummer to read. but that's the full skinny.

im still posting regularly on twitter (clown_depot)! and if i DO go live, either on my twitch channel or on a friend's stream, it will be posted there!

thanks for watching :^]

im not goin radio silent, im just gonna turn off the electric window that lets people see me for a while.

[eomayas]

new thing (pt.2) • pcy

pairing: chanyeol x f reader, age gap

genre: smut, 18+ MINORS DNI!!! chanyeol is a munch! little bit fluffy

synopsis: after running into chanyeol, he asks you out on a date, and you’re the dessert.

warnings: oral (f receiving), praise, p in v, pwp

it certainly wasn’t the last time you saw chanyeol. no, you saw him exactly three days after that, when you ran into him at a supermarket you rarely ever shop at. you were simply in the area, because it’s close to your job, and bumped into him on your way to check out. all you had in your hands was a package of wholegrain crackers that you and seulgi liked, and kombucha. he, on the other hand, had a basketful of stuff, which made you feel extremely young.

he noticed you first, your name leaving his lips in a way that made your heart jump and your stomach flip. you didn’t know why you were nervous—you ran into people you’ve had sex with before—but it was different, seeing him outside of the bar setting. he was in a plain black tshirt, black joggers, sneakers, and a yankee hat; the outfit should not have set you off, but it did. the simple sexiness of it all made your core jump.

you said hi, and you’re grateful that he’s personable, because you forgot how to hold a conversation. he could definitely sense your nervousness, and kept the conversation short, ending it with asking you to lunch exactly a week from the first time you guys had sex. you were stunned, but you said yes, of course.

that saturday came around, and you guys met at a brunch restaurant that you’d probably only ever go to if you and seulgi have good news, or really wanted to treat yourselves. the inside was beautiful and the menu was expensive, and chanyeol didn’t even flinch to pull his card out and pay for you meal. it shocked you, and you hoped you didn’t show it because you’re used to men either wanting to split the bill, or begrudgingly pulling out their wallets.

you learned that day that he’s the oldest sibling to a younger brother, that he’s a music producer and songwriter, and that he originally went to school for data science before dropping out to pursue music. he doesn’t check his phone the entire time you are both together, and he checks on you to make sure you made it home thirty minutes after you leave. he asks you questions about yourself, and smiles when you start most of your sentences with ‘ummm’, whereas the men—boys—you’ve been with before him would have lost interest in what you were saying immediately. it’s safe to say chanyeol is a real man compared to your exes, and it’s a very foreign experience, though not unpleasant and unwelcomed. before the night was over, he asked to see you again, which is currently what you’re getting ready for on a friday night.

you finish clasping your large hoops in your ear and do a once-over in the mirror. you thin black dress clings to your body in all of the right ways, but it’s real intent is for chanyeol to rip it off of you by the end of the night.

“okay, seul, how do i look?” you ask, stepping out of your room and poking into the doorway or hers. seulgi looks at you and screeches, clapping her hands together.

“bitch, you look too good!” she yells, and you pose dramatically in her doorway. “i take it you won’t be coming home tonight?” seulgi asks, a grin on her face.

you blush at the thought of staying with chanyeol. “we’ll see,” is all you say, but you’re hoping that she’s correct. your phone buzzes in your shoulder bag, and you quickly slide it off of your shoulder to answer the call. you can barely keep the smile off of your face as you say, “hi.” into the receiver.

“hey, y/n, im outside,” chanyeol says, and you all but rush to say ‘okay’, and quickly hang up.

“was that chanyeol?” seulgi asks and you nod, giddy even though you’ve seen him twice since the very first time you met. “have fun! use a condom!” she says, digging in her bedside drawer and tossing one to you before you leave. you catch it and put it in your bag, just in case.

outside, his matte black corvette awaits. chanyeol gets out of the car to greet you, smiling when he sees you. you try to keep your walk as normal as you can with his eyes on you, and he holds out a hand once you get close. “hey,” he says, gently tugging you close.

“hi,” he gives you a soft kiss on your lips, one of his hands on the small of your back. he pulls away and opens the passenger door for you and you thank him, sliding in. he discreetly checks out your backside as you get in, and runs a hand through his hair. it was going to be a long night.

chanyeol helps you out of his car, and you gaze up at his large house in awe. it’s a huge tan house with a black door and a slanted roof. large windows adorn the upper level of the house, one dead center which looks like it’s supposed to be the window a sun room. “nice,” you say, glancing over at him. he shrugs to be modest, but he knows he has a nice house—he worked for it.

he grabs your hand and leads you to the front door, unlocking it and pulling you inside. it’s even more excellent inside, and you can’t believe you’re actually in a home like this and know somebody with a home like this. chanyeol gives you a tour of the entire downstairs, showing you the kitchen that has a smart refrigerator and stainless steel appliances, the large living room with ample room and a large tv, and a large, gray L-shaped sofa.

“do you want anything to drink? i have water, wine… uh… tequila?” he says after you two finish downstairs and go back towards the kitchen.

“i’m good, thanks,” you say. he nods and closes the fridge, gesturing to the stairs for you to start going up. you do, and he follows after you. he can’t help but keep his eyes on your ass, and when you guys get to the top of the stairs, he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into him, placing a kiss on your neck. you reach back and put a hand on the side of his face, holding him there briefly as he starts walking you to a room that you can only presume is his.

you appear to be correct when you push the door open. chanyeol straightens up and loosens his hood on you. “sorry, this was a douche move—let me show you the sun room,” he says, pulling you out and across the hall to a room where you can imagine spending every hour of everyday. there are plants strewn around, some hanging from the ceiling, and a comfortable looking tan couch. there’s also a reading nook, and lots of pillows and blankets for maximum comfort. in front of the window is a telescope, and you go over to it. “do you use this a lot?” you ask him, putting your eye to the lens and looking out at the moon. you let out a small gasp, feeling like a kid at the planetarium.

chanyeol shrugs behind you, stuffing his hands in his jeans pocket. “sometimes, yeah,” he replies, and you turn around, a smile on your face.

“well, it’s really cool in here,” you say, walking back over and standing in front of him. chanyeol smiles down at you and gently grabs your chin, placing a soft kiss on your lips.

you let him lead you back into his bedroom, where you drop onto the corner of his bed to start unlacing your heels. chanyeol removes his jacket and hangs it up in the closet like an adult, whereas you’d just throw it on the closest surface and deal with it another day. his room is quite literally spotless, and everything looks like it belongs.

chanyeol comes back from putting his coat away and notices you’re still removing one shoe, sirs down next to you, grabbing the foot you haven’t started on yet, placing it in his lap, and untying your heels that lace all the way up your calf. when both of your shoes are off, you thank him and flex your foot to relieve some of the pain of the heels. he gently kneads at your calf and you want to sigh at the gesture, but you keep it to yourself. “i’ve had a lot of fun tonight,” you say to him, tilting your head to the side ever so slightly.

“i’m glad,” he says, leaning over and kissing you with more force than the last one. his hand stills on your calf while his other one slide up your thigh and tugs you closer to him, so he’s sitting sideways in between your legs.

chanyeol adjusts so you’re lying flat on the bed and he’s hovering over you, the chain he typically keeps tucked into a shirt dangling in front of your face. you put a hand on the back of his neck and pull him down to you, hooking a leg around his waist as you kiss him deeply. he moves his lips down to your neck and you hold onto his shoulders and grind your lower half into him. “take this dress of, pretty girl,” he says, pulling away from you and resting on his knees.

you can’t help but blush at the pet name and quickly pull your arms out of your sleeves and push the dress down you legs. he helps you by pulling it down the rest of the way and leaving you in a black bra and matching underwear. you feel shy under his gaze, even though you’ve already had sex with him before. but this feels more intimate—it is more intimate than the first time—and you haven’t felt this shy since the time you lost your virginity.

you prop yourself up on your elbows as his eyes rake across your body. his drags his fingertips down your abdomen to the tops of your thighs, and goosebumps rise on your skin. because you can’t take the way he’s looking at you, you lean up and kiss him, pulling him back down to you. you slide your hands down his back and underneath his shirt, feeling the skin of his muscular back. you swear he flexes to show off, because when he pulls away to rip off his shirt, he has a cocky grin on his face.

chanyeol kisses you deeply before kissing down your body, starting with your left leg and kissing all the way down to your ankle before doing the same thing on the right side, but going up.

he pulls your underwear down, and you open your legs wider and bend them so he has more space. you expect him to start fingering you, but instead he moves his face down to your heat, and you quickly sit up. “no, chanyeol, you don’t have to do that,” you say, trying to scoot away from him. most of the guys you’ve been with weren’t into giving oral, so you stopped asking or expecting them to do it.

chanyeol looks up at you, confusion etched on his face. “but… i want to,” he says, his eyes boring into yours.

“you want to?” you ask, disbelief in your voice. he chuckles and you tense as the sound vibrates off of your core.

“yes, y/n, i want to eat you out. is that okay?” he asks, kissing the inside of your knee. when he sees the look on your face, his eyebrows furrow. “wait—have you never been given head before?” he asks.

you feel embarrassed to shake your head, because he seems so into it. “i mean, no, i guess i haven’t,” you say, looking away from him.

“do you want me to?” he asks, his hand absentmindedly stroking your calf.

you do. you’re so used to giving, it’d be nice to receive, especially when it’s a mutual want. you look down at him and see it in his eyes—he looks like he’s been given a plate of food after starving for so long.

you nod your head. “yes,” you say. chanyeol licks his lips and looks down at your pussy, holding himself back from completely ravishing you.

“just lay back, and relax, y/n,” he says, flicking his eyes up to meet you before going back down to your cunt. you let out a breath and do as he says, relaxing your legs and looking up at the ceiling. “and look at me.” he orders. when you do, he immediately connects his lips to your second pair, and starts licking and sucking.

you gasp and start to close your legs, but he muscles them open using his shoulders. you squirm as he flicks his tongue back and forth, suckling on your clit. “stop moving,” he says, not removing his face from in between your legs. you keep yourself still, your chest rising and falling rapidly at the feeling of his voice against your core.

your back arches off the bed when he chooses to add his long, thick, fingers into the mix. “ch-chanyeol!” you shout in a broken moan. you let out a string of curses as he sucks on your clit and pumps his fingers in and out of you.

you can’t remember the last time you felt this good during foreplay. nobody has ever tended to your needs the way chanyeol is, and it’s slightly unbelievable that he’s real.

but he’s very real, and he lets himself be known when he shakes his head side to side. you fist the sheets on his bed and cry out his name. “fuck, yeol, i-“ a broken cry of his name gets caught in your throat and a strange feeling in your stomach, like a balloon that’s been filled up with too much air, fills the bottom of your stomach.

chanyeol pulls you impossibly closer to him and hooks his arms around your thighs. his nose bumps your clit endlessly, and your legs start to shake. the balloon keeps getting filled, until it snaps and you thrash around on the bed, seeing spots as you scream out chanyeols name.

“damn,” is all he says as you gush all over his face, some of it dripping down your center and onto his sheets. he can’t help but watch in amazement as you keep on releasing, your pussy practically throbbing. he watches as you clench around absolutely nothing, and can’t help but get hard. if there’s one thing chanyeol likes to do, it is please people. but he particularly likes pleasing women by using his mouth and tongue, and he can tell when he succeeds—like right now.

he doesn’t even give you a minute to calm down, because he’s back at your core lapping up all of your juices. “chanyeol, wait!” you cry, but your hand on his head, holding him at your cunt says otherwise. when you start trying to crawl away from him is when he lets up.

the entire bottom half of his face glistens when he gets out from in between your legs. you can’t even look at him, feeling so bare and embarrassed, because you can feel a wet spot on the sheets. “you alright?” he asks, a smirk on his face.

“mhm,” you say, pressing your legs together.

“look at me.”

you do, and with hooded eyes. you can’t help but giggle at how crazy he looks with only half of his face wet. you glance down at his lower half, the tent in his pants hard to ignore. you motion for him to come closer.

you reach for his waistband, undoing the button and zipper before pushing down his pants, along with his briefs, his dick hard and throbbing, bobbing in wait. you look up at him as you kiss below his belly button and down his happy trail. when you grab ahold of his dick, he gently stops you, and you frown. “i really just need to be inside of you right now,” he says, pushing the rest of his clothes off.

you smile and he leans down to kiss you, pushing you back onto the bed. “condom,” you remind him as he starts to line himself up.

“right,” he says, quickly getting off of you and and going to his bedside table. you unhook your bra as you wait for him, pinching one of your nipples in between your fingers before groping your own chest. you nearly start to touch yourself until he’s back in front of you, an eyebrow raised. “couldn’t wait?” he asks teasingly, rolling the condom on.

“no,” he shakes his head at you and holds his dick by the base. “hurry up!” you whine, reaching for him.

“good girls get what they want.”

“we both know i’m not.”

he smirks down at you, pressing the tip against your puffy folds. “no,” chanyeol says, rubbing it up and down. “you aren’t.” and then he pushes into you, air feeling like it’s left your lungs. you’re not used to him in the slightest, and you’ve never been stretched like this until him. even when you were riding him almost two weeks ago, it took you some time to get used to him.

“fuck!” you cry, holding onto his forearms. the chain hanging from his neck dangles in front of your face as he thrusts into you. it gently hits your nose every time he rocks into you, and all it does is get you more turned on. “faster, yeol.” you moan, sliding your hands up his arms and splaying them across his back.

chanyeol pounds into you, making your toes curl and back arch into his chest. you dig your nails into his skin, leaving indents. chanyeol looks down at you and watches how your face twists up on pleasure as you moan out his name. his chain continues to tap against your nose, and he moves to take it off, but you stop him. “leave it on!” you groan, wrapping a leg around his hip.

you take one hand and grab him by the necklace and pull his lips down to you, not exactly kissing but your noses touching. “you feel so good,” you moan, a hand in his hair.

“you’re so tight, fuck,” he groans, kissing your neck. he grips one of your hips tightly and ruts into you relentlessly, your nails scratching up his back.

when he comes, it’s loud and he’s saying all types of filthy things, calling you pretty and baby, two new pet names to add to the list. you come after him, clenching around his dick and making him whimper in your ear, which almost makes you come again. he has to pull himself out of you for self control, but your grip on him makes it much harder. “baby, cmon,” he begs, his breath catching in his throat.

you finally relax enough for him to pull out with a groan, and you curl into yourself with a whimper, your heart beating quickly. “you okay?” he asks, concern in your voice. all you can do is give him a thumbs up, which he laughs at and then kisses the pad of your finger. “i’ll be back.” he says before getting off of the bed.

by the time he’s come back, your sitting up, criss-cross and naked, on his bed. he comes back in sweats and no shirt, and gives you a small smile. chanyeol offers you a tshirt, which you take, and slip on. he finds your underwear, which you put on as well, so you’re winney-the-pooh-ing it. chanyeol crawls onto the bed next to you and props himself up on his elbow. “so..?” he questions and you raise an eyebrow.

“you want me to rate our sex?” you ask, giving him an incredulous look. he shrugs, a smirk on his face and you roll your eyes and pretend to think hard. “hmm…” you say, tapping your chin, and he scoffs and jumps on top of you, caging you beneath him. you laugh and wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. there’s no way you’re going for round two, but you want to be close to him.

to your gain, you do spend the night, and you tell seulgi, who seems way too excited for you, but supports nonetheless.

[sassykinzonline]

naruto and i spent yesterday watching drag race, i would like to do a roast to celebrate kakashi's hokage inauguration:

kakashi is the only hokage in history to fumble the bag for both his homosexual AND heterosexual love interests; however, he continues a long line of hokages to completely fail their students--or if youre tsunade, fail at picking a student.

many people have been wondering why kakashi wears his mask. it's really simple: hes hiding the smell of might guy's "youth" on his breath from iruka.

kakashi was born an old soul, as you can tell by his grey hair. and just like every old man in our village, hes a publicly indecent sex pest. hes been carrying around that porn novel of his for as long as ive known him. i guess he was inspired by naruto's motto: "never give up"....trying to cure your erectile dysfunction.

as many of you know, kakashi's notorious for 2 things: his sharingan and his dogs. there's a saying that goes "you can't teach an old dog new tricks", and it must be true given kakashi uses the same 3 jutsus over and over. watching him fight is more painfully repetitive than itachi's tsukuyomi.

speaking of itachi, kakashi's name means "scare crow". fitting, given not too long after joining kakashi's anbu team did itachi get fed up and decide to kill our entire family.

the time after that was extremely difficult for me, and im grateful kakashi took me under his wing because we have a lot of things in common. i once asked him what he would do if i killed everyone he loves, and he told me they were all already dead. so i guess instead of "hatake, scare crow", we should be calling him "hatake scares the hoes".

as a teacher, i learned so much from him. i'd like to think if he wrote a book about his teachings, it would be called "how to lose friends and influence people to defect from the village." some of the things hes taught me include chidori--which should be used to stab directly through the heart of those you love and who love you, permanently disfiguring the person you love so you know its real, and how to let survivor's guilt cripple you and define your whole life.

but i also learned from his mistakes. my inspirational loud dumb gay bestie is still alive (not for lack of trying on both our parts), and we successfully communicated our feelings. plus, the girl that is bafflingly in love with me despite me being obviously gay is still alive (again, not for lack of trying).

so thank you, kakashi, for all that you've done for me. you are the best man for the job--considering everyone else is dead, cut in half, in jail, or danzo shimura. you will do your village proud.

i wish you a long life of continuing to inspire and annoy generations of uchiha.

[lesharl-eclair]

strollonso fic recs part 1: fics

4 fics from authors who have just the one strollonso fic, and who somehow added SO MUCH to the genre. whose other works are equally insanely mindblowing (the charles/bono fic that i am still not oVER BY THE WAY... the painfully high-quality webbonso. charlos and landoscar.) im crying how do you guys do it (these fics actually changed my life i am not kidding:

all fics below the cut; if you enjoyed these fics, please show the authors comment and kudo love; should you be the author of a fic that's here, and don't want to be here, please reach out to me and your wish is my command :)

victor's spoil by venerat (E, 1.9k)

Two hours later Lance is told he’s going to the winner’s room. “Oh,” Lance says stupidly. "Uh. Me? Now?”

ouUEGHHGEUGHHH the rancid vibes. it's all mind games here. lance's desperation vs nando's casual (playful????!!!) viciousness.

the attention to detail is so stunning. the way the scene is set, the inherent power imbalance, lance so eager to please it's almost painful to watch....

"Even when Fernando aims it warmly, it still makes Lance shiver. That’s because Lance, of course, is fucked up. He’s already getting hard between his legs, just because Fernando chose him. Just from being here, from the anticipation of knowing his role. From the uncertainty of sitting there, waiting." im sobbign <3

this one rearranged my brain a lot. one of my favourite renditions of their dynamic.

***

in the hold by @pressurizer2 (M, 1.9k)

Lance scrunches his nose and makes a noise of protest as soon as Fernando’s hand leaves his ankle.

im still reeling at this concept okay. i havent gotten over it yet i don't think my review is sufficient to describe how good this is but can we talk about this like

"Mouth open and sucking in air, trying his best to keep quiet, Lance feels both compressed and torn apart by the intensity of Fernando’s attention, redirected. He’s being talked about, but not talked to. Praised but not acknowledged. Lifted up high and pushed down hard." such a waaay with words!!!! i am very extremely enamoured.

the push and pull here is perfect: bratty lance (<3) trying to elicit a reaction, nando willing to indulge despite his discipline (he's actually so into it.....it's all a game for him.......uuuueegeghheheu.....) the way tension is built and released is so so masterful and a delight from start to finish :)

***

A Little Bit of Exhibition by @sweetpeapoppy (M, 5.1k)

He’d heard all of the rumours about the way Fernando operated in Formula One, how ruthless he was, how he terrorised his teammates, how he would grind you down until you doubted your own abilities. Lance knew he didn’t need that. But he also knew he didn’t have a choice either, Fernando was coming to Aston Martin whether he liked it or not.

nando as an exhibitionist is...something. how he draws lance in to do the most brazen things, how lance is powerless to resist, is such a tantalising prospect. lawrence's obliviousness makes me want to shake my head patronisingly ("Lawrence agreed, feeling grateful he had another driver pairing that were getting along." ??????? ?????) this fic really shines because of all the details (sweater paws?? hand on nape??? the actual db12 feature???) the "canon compliance" makes your concept so true to life and now i can't unsee it.

the thing that stayed with me was the image of nando bent over the car. it still makes me lose my shit to think about.

***

I make two grand an hour by @kritischetheologie (E, 3.1k)

Lawrence had made Lance read an entire fucking book on this history of Formula 1 before he started the job, and all Lance could remember from the 2000’s was the German guy who won all of them, before the other German guy started winning all of them. But still, who did this guy think he was, trying a line like that on him? Aston Martin wasn’t the type of team that could hire a double world champion. “Michael Schumacher won in 2005,” he said, trying to project more confidence than he felt. “Nice try.”

BRATTY LANCE. I MIGHT ACTUALLY CRY

the voicing is nailed doWN to a tee and i am thriving. there is one very interesting roscoe related comparison in there that i will not be forgetting any time soon. this ticks all the boxes for me - backstory, characterisation, humour, there is even Plot !!

also love the offhand mention of glance.....they could have been together in another universe..... "Everyone was short except for George Russell, who was both tall and fast. Why couldn’t his father have invested in Mercedes instead?"

this author brings so much delight and depth to every single one of the pairings she writes about, and i will not be forgetting about this any time soon.

***

that's all for today :) i DO have more strollonso fic recs on the way so keep your eyes peeled if you like what you see !!

if you enjoyed this, or if i missed any fic, please let me know :) drop me an ask mayhaps if you would like more fic recs, and i will try my best to give timely unqualified opinions <3

[elliesbelle]

hi lovelies. ♥︎

TW: mentions of suicide and self-harm under the cut

i apologize for leaving such a cryptic, vague post last night on my blog. i saw only now that it caused a bit of a panic in some people and i am very sorry.

the past couple of days have been incredibly difficult for me in regards to my personal life because for the past several months, i’ve been harassed nonstop by these two women at my job who don’t like me and try to sabotage me at work relentlessly and it went way too far this week. i won’t go into it, but it got extremely, EXTREMELY bad. LEGAL bad.

my whole life, i’ve struggled with my trauma and mental health, especially my suicidal ideations. this situation at work triggered a very specific part of my PTSD and it’s been causing me not to think straight at all.

yesterday and today, i’ve been unfortunately physically harming myself and attempted to commit suicide more than once. thankfully my ex (live in, not soulmate) has been with me and was able to stop most instances and she’s been keeping an eye on me and keeping me safe.

i’ve been on a little social media break today, only going online to respond to personal DMs from concerned friends + mutuals. i haven’t looked through my notifications fully yet, but i did see a few messages in my inbox. for my own sake, im not going to reply to them for the time-being.

love you all very much and love this community. it’s always been such an amazing outlet and escape for me, and i’ve made such amazing friends along the way. i’m very grateful.

if i’m not as active or am not publishing as fast as y’all would like, i apologize. this year has been one of the hardest of my life (which is saying a lot), and though i love writing, i want to be happy with the work i put out. that takes time and effort and a lot of energy and a bit of mental stability, and i don’t always have all of those things. so please bear with me.

love you all. thank you for those who reached out in concern. thank you especially to my friends and mutuals who’ve reached out both here and outside this blog. love you. love you. love you.

[yooniesim]

hey yall, let's talk.

so, I've been thinking very hard the last few weeks- considering my situation, weighing options, crunching numbers. exploring ways to move forward here, and whether I even truly want to at all. and I got a bit of bad news. the higher paying job i was hoping to transition to... fell through. so now I'm in an even worse position than I was a few days ago. I don't want to go in detail about this for privacy reasons, but I will share I also have a dependent im partially providing for, and most likely that will soon be two. between that and the financial issues I shared before, I'm dealing with a hell of a lot of pressure monetarily. and while I'm eternally grateful to the three patrons I currently have, and im continuing to work on ways to make my patreon more appealing to others without paywalls, I need to do more than that to justify continuing to work on cc. to be honest, every time I work on cc these days, I feel guilty, as if im wasting time I should be spending on something that will help my family. I considered pulling away from sims content completely, but I also know it will worsen my depression, because I love engaging with it, creating, and talking with yall. and there's not much option i can realistically fill that small amount of time with that actually makes money, anyway. but guilt isn't always logical, and it is really weighing on my heart.

so, what is there left to do here? ...no, this is not a paywalling announcement, lol. but, unfortunately, I need to start using curseforge as a download option again. I said before that I can't turn down the help, and I truly can't right now, despite how much it tears me up to say that. I'll still offer alternate links for those that don't want to use cf. and I fully support anyone that does not. regardless, I know this will make people very angry. and I want to say that's okay, I understand. if you want to make callout posts, call me names, unfollow or block me, so on and so forth, go ahead. that's all right, I can handle that easily for the sake of my family. but this is what I have to do right now. and I hope that some of you will understand my perspective. I'm extremely grateful to everyone that has been kind of me through this, it means more than you know. love you 💜

[lupucs]

I have a few questions! Mind answering? 1. What/who is your persona and what is their name? 2. What animating software do you use? 3. What software do you use to edit? 4. How long Have you been doing this 5. Are you open for 3d commissions ?? 6. whats your most famous video 7. Whats the least famous video? 8. Favortie video you have made? 9. Favortie model you have made? 10. Least favortie model + video you have made?

My youtube avatar? They're just a scruffy little goblin, their name is Lu (short version of "Lupucs"). They are supposed to be a loose representation of myself for stuff like 3D timelapses. As for my profile pic, that's just an oc. Her name is Ruby and she's a scarecrow who can wield magic and turn into a giant crow

Blender

Blender for animation editing, adobe premiere for timelapse editing

I've been doing 3D for about 6 years on and off, though ive only started doing it more regularly roughly 4 yrs ago

sadly not since i have a full-time job, but I really appreciate the interest!! It wouldnt feel right accepting commissions without the reassurance of being able to set aside enough time to commit myself to them, not to mention balancing my hobby of making animations and 3D models. i'll definitely post an announcement on here if I reopen them again!! it's definitely not out of the question.

it's the susie noelle lunch break one!! back then i didnt even wanna upload this to youtube but my friend convinced me to do it anyway and... it sorta exploded. never expected so many people to love these two goobers so much. I'm still both shooketh and a little scared but also extremely grateful!!

probably those few old oc animations i made years ago. like this one, it's my icon but it's animated! :P this is so old lol

ooh that's tricky! there are a few that come to mind, but i think Hometown Fall studies is my favorite. I like how the cozy vibe turned out and it was so much fun animating these characters playing off of each other in a mundane scenario like that. Im also really happy with how my Alphys and Undyne anim turned out. It took about 5 months (on and off) to make

i'd say susie and papyrus. oh and alphys too!! none ut/dr models would be king from TOH, and this fanart of my friend sphinxmothra's ocs

I guess that would be my Little My Moomins model from a while ago... i kinda wanna remake it one day as i really dont like how the shaded gradients look. Oh and this old oc. As for least favorite video, it's this animation. It's so floaty lol!!!