#im going to be so stupidly bitter about this BUT IM RIGHT

[prosebushpatch]

still reeling from the one agent saying they want "subtle" fairy tale retellings like Cinder, and idk if we're thinking about the same Cinder there are literally quotes from the og fairy tale before the corresponding chapters?????? so you know exactly where we are in the plot??????

[lixies-favorite-cookie]

the song of the soul ◦ h.j

— it hurt when han didn't want to tell your fans about your relationship but maybe it was worth the wait the way your soul sings when his lips touch yours for the first time on stage

@anon im not even going to lie to you I just realized I wrote this wrong 💀 my dumbass thought the reader was supposed to be the basest and han the electric guitar butttt technically they are both the singers and I hope you still liked it even if I botched it up 😭

Paring◦ Han Jisung x Fem!Reader

Words◦ 1,085

Genre ◦ Fluff with a little bit of angst if you squint

Warnings ◦ kisses on stage, insecurities, talk about sex, language, questionable writing honestly, uhhh this is really short and sweet but I promise its worth it :)

A/N ◦ i literally wrote this in like an hour and realized as I was about to post it I ended up botching up the ask 💀 might do more rockstar han cause like??? he's hot??

Did you like this? If so please check out doomsday an angsty han fanfic I spent hours on and it basically flopped :)

Links ◦ Masterlist ◦ Taglist ◦ Rules ◦ Navigation

~cookiecreates 🍪

“So your okay with screwing me before the show, but telling the people we're together, that's where you draw the line?” You spit, narrowing your eyes at a bustling han sweating with stress. He throws the strap of his guitar over his head, aggressively fighting to fit it over his shoulder. He's jumpy, bouncing on the heels of his feet, anxiously running his fingers through his hair. He was always rushing before a performance, dragging his feet until the final moment when you have to go on stage. It drove you crazy, but when he offered to ease your annoyance with a few orgasms, you were happy to accept the very generous trade. 

“Look y/n, we don't really have time for this; the show is in 5 minutes.” He mumbles, fiddling with the knobs of his guitar while testing a few of the strings. You really wanted to punch him in his stupidly, beautiful face. 

Why was he so hot and yet so agitating-

One of the world's greatest mysteries

"You seemed to have plenty of time when your dick was in me." His movements stutter; the tips of his ears flushing red. He sighs, running an annoyed hand over his face.

“Put your bass on; we have a long night ahead of us." You fold your arms in front of your chest, rolling your eyes. He's right, and you know he is. That knowledge doesn't make the sharp pain that tingles throughout your chest any less painful. 

You sigh, realizing arguing with him is futile if he wanted to he would

You have to admit that the hot rush of adrenaline, pumping through your veins, really had a way of rubbing some cool ointment over the burning pain that Han's indirect rejection left you with.

The crowd cries with praise as your fingertips fly over the cords, brushing across the gritty surface. The song reminds you of the comforting patter of the rain right before the roaring of thunder—lightning shoots from the strings as you throw your head back in bliss. The soft tissue of your tongue peaks out of your lips when you groan, whispering gentle lyrics into the mic, a delectable combo that vines with the crackling sear of hans voice, rupturing into a cutting climax.

Playing music was like taking sips of your soul, and right now you were overflowing—a bottle teetering just over the edge of bursting.

The people pulsated with screams and shouts, their plaudit worming its way into your ego, your bones vibrating with confidence before you knew it-

Han's guitar exploded, threading its way into your last string fluidly. The two of you were like water and wine—the cool refreshment of a thick melody.

You had to admit that, as much as you wanted to punch Han right now, he was a natural; interlacing your dark, crisp baritone with a sharp electric tang—a long, low symphony before the biting aftertaste of a bitter hiss.

Fuck, you too were perfect together-

In more ways than one

The crowd screeches as you finish the final note; the song surging into a seductive swell, you two had a way of luring your audience in—pulling them under a wave of wonder—you were the sirens of the sea made from pleasure and passion.

Han gasps into his mic, scrunching his brows when the camera zooms into his face, sweat trickling down his forehead.

He flicks his eyes to you, sending secret messages in the way he tilts his lips, ideas brewing in the back of his brain.

What is he thinking?

You almost fumble your bass when he looks at you like that, like he had a plan and he was either going to break a bone or go viral-

You were down ethier way.

He stalks over to you with a cocky slide in his step and a coy tilt of his lip; everything about him oozes confidence. You swoon; his voice is like whisky sultry and smooth. His eyes like spice tingling on your tongue—his lips like molten cream.

It took everything in you not to melt into a pitiful puddle on the floor-

He takes another step closer, fingers still expertly plucking at a guitar that continues to blaze into a fiery crescendo. You nervously flick your eyes around his face, hoping there's a hint somewhere on his features that reveal what the hell he's trying to do.

"Once you told me, baby, telling the world is where I draw the line but look world," he shouts the last bit with a hiss, a soft knowing smile appearing on his lips, "this is my girl."

He never leaves your eyes as he mumbles into the mic, pushing it away; he almost seems drunk, the way his eyelashes flutter shut. The world dissolves when he drops his guitar from his hand. The howl of a million mouths drowns out in the swell of your own personal symphony. You melt into his arms even when he lifts you back on your feet, unlatching from your lips.

“How about that for keeping a secret?” Even with his hair messy and his lips swollen, he can't help the shit-eating grin he has plastered on his face, as if he didn't just turn your bones into jelly; he turns to the crowd, throwing his hands up.

“Everybody make some fucking noise!” He growls, pulling his guitar back from where he left it, limply hanging on his hip, your jaw drops as he starts a new song like nothing happened. The crowd cheers, chanting to the beat of his final blow.

You have studied songs your whole life, honing your talent to tune vivid beats into sweltering lyrics that set your skin ablaze. You were the ember that started the flame, turning melodies into colors that burst in the back of your brain.

Music was the language of the silent

The words that no one dared to speak

Music was an art

Music was a hoddy

But most of all, music was passion, and right now the only music that you could hear was the songs your soul sang for him.

©CookieCreates (posted: July, 12th 2024) All rights reserved. Do not translate, copy, or claim my works as yours! I only post on this platform so if any of my works are elsewhere, report and notify me immediately.

[princessozera]

Actually,

I will elaborate because I finally had the time today. Yes the "burn him at the stake" was still residual from Satan's original valentine card so lets go through a rewrite/ different pov shall we.

Notes before you read: for an insecure MC that also overthinks

Light angst (??? Another middle-of-the-road feel so I'll let you decide)

GN MC (They/Them, 3rd ppov)

No word count bc im mobile.

❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔❤️💔

Had Satan not asked MC about holidays from across the human realm, they would have never noticed that next week was Valentine’s Day. They didn’t care either way for the holiday, and since it wasn’t widely celebrated in the Devildom, they hadn’t planned on doing anything to commemorate the day passing.

However, in these few weeks since getting Satan’s pact, he’s taken a greater interest in all things human. Satan has been spending more time in their room, much to Mammon’s annoyance, and most of their conversations these days revolve around Satan asking MC a ton of questions about the Human ExperienceTM and MC trying not to generalize too broadly. His interest is endearing, and perhaps that’s why MC ended up agreeing to a small gift exchange and hangout with Satan for valentines day.

" Actually even as a demon-"

MC thinks back to his startling words while they shop for his gift. They hadn't necessarily considered Satan more than a friend before, but his interest was flattering. His excitment had grown on them and made them excited for the exchange, knowing that they'd love whatever he got them. There were so many oddities in the Devildom, what would this little cat bring home?

.

.

.

Woah.

Maybe there should have been a price limit. But how could MC have expected Satan to hand them an intricately carved box, inlaid with opals and filled to the brim with other jewels? They turn a few in their hand and fight down the urge to feel stupidly inadequate- the leather diary in their bag feeling as heavy and unappealing as a brick in this moment.

There isn't much time to linger in their embarassment- they had to choose one gem fast before Satan assumed they would want all of them and think them greedy. Maybe, had it been someone else, they would have saved the gem for the year then sold it in the human world to pay off a few bills. But this was a gift from someone MC had grown to care about and consider a friend. Anyway, how would they keep it safe from Mammon for a year? What could they even use a gem for, a paper weight? That seems almost as disrespectful as selling it for rent. Something useful... could pure emeralds be used as crystal balls?

Ah.

Right.

And just like that, MC is hit in the face with the reality that they overstepped. All it took was a few sweet words and they had gotten too comfortable. Their confusion turns into a bitter taste in their mouth as they drop the gems back into the box. This wasn't a gift exchange between friends or a possible love match, MC was just a novelty and this was an experiment to expand Satan's worldly (or other wordly)- ness.

Embarassed and reeling, they hand the box back over to Satan, mumbling "That's not necessarily true for everyone." He tries to shove the box back into their hands, looking ready to drop it just to force MC into grabbing it.

Right. More items of prestige and ridiculous status because "you're all the same." Of course he would't have any qualms about obtaining and departing with an entire box of gems. He's a demon, and a lord to boot. MC doesnt bother wondering how many lifetimes of work it would take them to get him something of equal value.

Okay maybe hold on to that idea-

Nope, no. Mc shakes their head, both to turn him down and ignore their calling as a super villain. After Satan has taken the box again, they pull out their gift, subtly trying to flatten out the wrinkles in the box and wrapping paper with their thumbs. Satan tucks the box under his arm and opens the gift. He's quite for a moment, turning it and inspecting every detail. His fingers run down the spine and MC feels as if he could see the giant "For Sale!" sign the book had been under. Before MC could defend their choice, Satan turns and tossed the box -probably worth 8 cars- casually on his bed to free up his arm and take a look inside the journal. The outside has been plain brown leather with a few pretty markings, but the pages inside where a green not to far feom Satan eye color, the bottom border lined with trees and a few cats on every page. He takes another minute to admire it before looking up.

Satan is smiling at MC, but it dips and he looks back down at the book. He flips through the pages quickly, and when he looks back up this time, he was pursing his lips. He looks between MC and the book for a few times and MC could swear they heard the gears turning in his head.

Mc's chest isn't quite so tight, knowing that Satan liked the journal. And having him understand why they turned down his gift without having to talk through it was an even bigger relief.

"You're all the same".

It would keep them up on bad nights, but Satan's apology in this moment made it okay for now. He was apologizing over and over again, promising to get them a better gift, that he knew MC wasn't shallow or conceited- it was starting to feel like over kill. To draw the attention away from themselves, MC points out that it's still valentines day. They don't need a present, but how about spending some time cooking together? It was their night and they could use a little help. Satan disagrees on the first part, but with MC's permission, takes their hand and follows them into the kitchen for the second. He's a good debater and convinces MC on a compromise- he helps them cook for the brother but also cooks something for only them 2. He tells them where they'll take their little picnic, a hill overlooking the Devildom, and as he seasons a few steaks he tells them about the bioluminescent flowers that grow there. Satan takes all the prep and cleaning work from MC, still feeling embarassed about his gift slip up from earlier. MC had their hands full watching the stove, they didn't even notice Satan cooking a full 3 course meal and packing a basket while MC finished plating the food for the others.

A light breeze and the smell of ripe apples followed them up the climb to the top of the hill. Satan lays out a meal of fruits, cheese, crackers and steak, hiding the little tiramisu cups he'd bartered off Beel for dessert. The light of flowers was soft but enough to see by. Away from the brothers and with some fresh air in their system, conversation wasn't forced and the moments in silence were also comfortable. Satan opened the journal MC got him and explained in detail how he'd format the pages when writing, talking about the different styles common in the Devildom, and why he'd recently switched from a different format. He encouraged MC to talk about their interests, trying to recall the books on their shelves and the items strewn about their room. Satan even took a page from Asmo's book, asking to compare phone wallpapers and joking about taking a photo right now so thsy could match.

Satan has always been a bit loose with words, influenced by his years of reading both romance and fabtasy books. He hadn't thought much about how he'd implied that he'd woo MC even as a demon. He hadn't thought much about this suggestion of matching wallpapers, it had just flowed into the conversation. So he's surprised to feel his heart beat speed up when MC agrees and curses himself for not taking Asmo's perfect-photo-angle advice more seriously. While it was cute to have matching backgrounds, he couldn't stop himself later that night from changing it to just show MC.

[cl00udyyanan]

gotta get back to you

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.}───── ⊰

synopsis: you threaten to leave him and he realizes he loves you too much to let you go

warnings: mentions of cheating (no actual cheating), mentions of swearing, crying, mentions of proposing

characters: kaeya

notes: i've never wrote anything like this before so i hope it's okay, i've had this idea for a while and i didn't know how to go about it since this is based off a song (gotta get back by p1harmony) i hope it's alright and im sure there are places i could improve but i think it's okay, enjoy!

kaeya hated fights, especially when they invovled you. fights always ended up with him losing something or someone. he knew the costs, thats why he hardly engaged in bickering with you, simply shutting you down by walking away or adhering to your wishes. it was far easier to give into your wants than to stand up for what he believed in those arguments.

yet this one just got to him. you yelling at him for coming home late for the fifth day in a row. accusing him of seeing someone else, you thought that low of him and yours relationship? so him coming home at an untimely manner made him a cheater. that hurt him the most. he acted like a child by turning you away and tuning you out.

what he didn't realise was the pure concern you had for him. everyday he came home he was drunk and would barely make it in the door way. he was letting himself go slowly and you had no idea why. what was causing him to drink so wrecklessly that he couldn't talk to you about? he was stubborn, so stupidly stubborn. all you could do was scream at him.

"you never listen!" "you go off without a word" "all i wanted was for you to comeback home!" his back was turned to you while you yelled. hands covering his ears. he didn't want to fight with you. he knew how it would end. you'd leave him. like everone else. "archons! I cant do this anymore" you're face was steaming, tears burned down your cheeks, your heart stung like kaeya had thrown a knife straight at it. he didn't say anything back to you, he didn't have the courage to see the hurt on your face.

it wasn't until l it had gotten dead silent kaeya finally decided to turn around. you were headed towards the front door, the thud of the door closing behind you. his hands balled up, eyes wide and watery. everything he wanted to say had evaded him and you weren't there. he should've listened to you, made it right and told you the truth. no he wasn't cheating he'd never, he'd been working more hours saving up to buy you the beautiful diamond ring he'd dream of proposing to you with. those nights he'd come home drunk were filled with doubt. would you even say yes? was all his late nights gonna be worth it if you deny him his love?

he wanted to pull you back through the hurt and swaddle you in a warm hug while he kiss your lips so gently. his apartment was so lifeless without you and he was alone once again with nothing but his thoughts as company. archons he hated his thoughts. the way they surrounded him in hatred and loathing, reminding him of all his regrets and past mistakes that would eat him up. he knew that without you he wouldn't have someone to catch his hand and lift him from the abyss he was descending towards. he had to get back to you.

he swung the door open leading out to bitter outside. kaeya he made his way to you, grabbing your arm and swaddling you into a warm hug, defeating the swirling winter around the both. you tried to shove him back, but his strong arm wrapped around your waist denied you any movement. yet, he didn't hurt you or try to fight back after all the horrible words you hurled at him. he simply held you in this chilling winter. his lips gingerly pecking the side of your neck while his free hand laid in the valley of your hair. his hold was tight as if he were scared you'd disappear if he let go.

small meaningful words were whispered from him into you ear.

"i know i'm not perfect"

"and i've hurt your heart before"

"i just wanna love you"

"forever endlessly"

"please don't leave"

how could you say no to him when he asked so sweetly? you wrap your arms around his waist, cheeks resting on his chest. "please forgive me."

in the burr, you find solace in the warmth of your lover. forgiving him and loving him once more, forever endlessly.

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.}───── ⊰

[x0x0josephinex0x0]

Can I join your game? The song that I pick is is your bedroom ceiling bored?, while the genre would be idiots to lovers and the group that I chose is Enhypen. Thank you! 💕

CUTE okay!!!

is your bedroom ceiling bored? | jake

It's 5:34 in the morning, and you can't sleep. instead, you're staring at the ceiling trying to get your brain to shut off, but you just can't. because, like an idiot, you're wondering what jake is doing.

you figure he's probably asleep, like most people are at this hour, but that doesn't stop your mind from picturing it: the way he curls around himself on his side, his hair falling in a shaggy mess onto his forehead, half-smiling even in a dream. you shouldn't be thinking about him this way -- shouldn't be as stupidly, recklessly, embarrassingly down bad as you are. and yet...

you pull out your phone, not surprised to see not a single notification from your best friend, whose sleeping image is the one destroying your mind slowly one minute at a time. you open up your messaging app and have to scroll to find your last conversation with him, which hasn’t happened in years.

the last text he sent was the one that said, “I love you. You know that, right?” just before everything went up in flames. just before the one and only fight you’ve ever had with him. just before you stormed away from him and refused to answer the phone when he called. and this was a week and a half ago.

you start to type.

im sorry.

i miss you. can we talk?

why can’t i stop thinking about you?

ultimately, it never feels like enough. frustrated, you sit up, sliding the covers off you and moving to the window. you wrench it open, stepping out onto your roof in the cool night air, and look up at the moon sinking lower in the sky, preparing for the hints of summer sun you see on the horizon.

“hi again,” you whisper at it. “can’t sleep.”

this has become routine for you. every once in awhile your thoughts about jake rose to a volume you couldn’t keep to yourself, so you’d mount the roof and tell the moon — even if it hung thin as a fingernail in the sky. and now that you weren’t seeing jake every day, you had a lot more time to talk about him.

“i really, really miss him,” you whisper, even though you want to scream.

🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕

across town, jake stirs and wakes from a fitful sleep. his dreams are all about you these days, and it aches.

no matter how much he fights the thoughts of you, or tries to be angry, he still wakes up thinking about you every morning. he’d hoped things would get better — hoped the hole you carved in his heart would relax, would heal. instead he finds himself suffocating in the dim light from his window, so he flings it open to welcome in the sunlight that will come peeking over the skyline in seconds.

“hi,” he says softly as it shines through the open window. “any advice for me today?”

but as always, the sun says nothing, leaving him alone to think.

and think he does — about how well he knows you. how spending his time with you is the best way for him to spend it. how he doesn’t care about your excuses for why you’d be a terrible couple.

“they’re the one,” he finally decides. “they just have to be.” and he races from the window to pick up his phone.

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

you’re still on the roof, watching the sun rise, so tired you can barely sit upright but also somehow knowing you won’t be able to make your eyes close if you go inside.

so you stare at your cellphone. you can’t even blame jake for not speaking to you. you wouldn’t want to speak to you either.

but oh, my goodness. you want to speak to him so bad. even the memory of his voice on the other end burns like an insult, like bitterness burns in your belly. you wonder if he feels the same way you do. you hope he does.

just as you make up your mind to call, his name pops up on your screen.

your heart beats — once, twice — hard in your chest before you answer it with a shaking hand. “hello?” you rasp.

“i miss you,” he says. “i’m coming over.”

for the first time in days, you smile.

[boston-babies]

Tree Lighting pt 1

Emery and Tori were standing off to the side with Dani, trying to give her a pep talk. Emery shook her head “why are you so fidgety? You love performing” Dani shrugged and Tori raised an eyebrow “Alright spill, what’s going on?”

Dani huffed “I ran into Mackenzie and Jamie from high school” Emery rolled her eyes “oh please, the two mean girls who peaked in high school and are still bitter about it. What’d they say?” Dani shook her head “they brought up everything they’ve been hearing about my parents and they called her my new soon to be step mom”. Tori gave Dani a hug “don’t let those two nobodies get to you. They aren’t worth it” Dani sighed “yeah I know”

Lisa walked over and put a hand on Dani’s shoulder “you ready sweetheart?” Dani took a breath and put her brave face on “Sure am Nona” Lisa walked up on stage and introduced Dani “now this next person is very special to me and I hope you’ll all give her a big warm welcome, come on up Danica!”

Dani stood on stage and looked out in the crowd and saw her family and let out a slightly nervous laugh “I umm..I’ve never been nervous on a stage before so this is a new feeling” she nodded her head “when I was on my way here, I had a whole plan-well, at least I thought I did. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to do this show case” She looked over at Lisa and smiled “but there was no way I could tell my Nona no”.

She looked back out to the crowd “how about we get that tree lit” behind her the tree was lit up in a brilliant light as the music started

I hate that I remember I wish I could forget What you did last December You left my heart a mess, Boy, you blew it How could you do it, do it, oh, yeah, oh, yeah?

Out in the crowd you watched with the proudest smile, Chris walked up to you with Teddy “you two having fun?” He smiled “oh tons”

Last Christmas I gave you my heart But the very next day you gave it away This year To save me from tears I'll give it to someone special, oh, yeah, yeah.

Chris looked back to you “I wonder why she chose this song?” You sighed “she told me why on the car ride over” he gave you a look to continue “she said it’s for us in some way. Her hearts in the right place”

Thought we belonged together At least that's what you said I should've known better You broke my heart again (again) Boy, you blew it How could you do it, do it, oh, yeah?

He readjusted Teddy “she’s right though, we do belong together” you shook your head and slightly rolled your eyes “I don’t even have to look over at you to know you’re giving me that stupidly charming grin” he smirked “is it working?” “Don’t push your luck spangles” he looked back to Danica singing “spangles huh? I’ll take that as a good sign”

Ooh, yeah How could you leave Christmas morning? You broke my heart with no warning Boy, you blew it How could you do it, do it, oh, yeah?

You looked over at Chris “we do need to talk after the festival” he looked worried “yeah? You made a decision” you nodded “I did but we’ll talk about it later when the kids aren’t home”

I hate that I remember I wish I could forget What you did last December You left my heart a mess (a mess) Boy, you blew it How could you do it, do it, oh, yeah, oh, yeah?

You looked over just in time to see Dani taking her bow and hugging Lisa. She left the stage with roaring applause and ran right over to you and you wrapped her in a big hug “you did so great baby! I’m so proud of you!” She laughed “thanks mama” she pulled away and looked at Chris “what did you think Daddy?” He pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head “amazing as always piglet”. Dani looked at you “mama? Is it okay if I hang out with Daddy for a bit?” You nodded “of course sweetheart, both of you go play some games and have fun” Dani was already dragging him away “I won’t keep her long” you laughed “im not worried about it”. With that, you went to go find your boys.

[bingotime]

cigarette smoking emoji. i am always doing this.. thinkin about race again. it is strange. i always get out of the box thing and just decide. Well. im me i dont really care. but i guess growing up thinking i was white - which stupid cuz my mom but still - grow up thinking ur white, and then finding out, rather stupidly cuz. my mom lives with me. i see her everyday. she is darker than me. her father was a black colombian man. youve SEEN pictures of him................. ur mom's mixed you know that right... and my dad idk what my dad is. shrug. we never talked about it. me and my mom joke me n my brother got light skin from him, and that is indeed true. i guess this spurred on cuz i saw a post about mexican culture a while ago, these ladies with pretty braids, and my first inner urge was like. oh wow i look like that person. and it felt good. and yet it just makes me a little upset people tell me i look mexican yk. cuz i dont have a way to connect to that whatsoever, and to people in my direct family i get teased for being mexican. not "pure colombian" like my cousin teases me about. it always feels bad. shes fucking stupid i dont believe anything she says, id never wanna feel bad for bein mexican either, yk what i mean. but even in hispanic spaces its more. idk where i go. cuz either way im an other. but that doesnt even begin to account whatever race shit is going on lol. i dont know. it makes me so bitter that people know exactly what they are and i get so angry i dont know. my everything feels off. not been liking the mirror, its upsetting that i dont know where i go, and how disconnected it feels. its weird. weirdmix of annoyance and grief and rage when people point out features, cuz it only confuses me even more. but it also makes me feel like. Oh hey people see ME. theyre seeing ME. but whyd they say it like that. my friends in highschool, they mean well btw we're still friends, theyre all poc so they meant well i think, said i had an exotic looking nose. and idkkkkkkk. ever since ive fucking stared at my nose. and the thing with my hair. i dont know what im supposed to call myself ig. mutt been the go-to, tongue in cheek, its silly to me. but ig its more. i dont know how people see me and where i end up, where am i allowed to go if i dont fit nowhere. i dont look like anything. hispanic maybe. but people say thats not a race so it begs the question. then where do i go. i dont look like a lot of things and ig i want to align myself somewhere but nothing ever really helps. its dumb man, i always get over this, i guess im just melancholic about that again, im always been feelin out of place

[godzillaahh]

anyways i think the fact that my parents saw me for a only a couple hours \(barely) and then immediately left the town to go back to my aunt’s says a lot about who they are

[mooncademia]

Hello, I love your writing very much ! Could you write a comfort scenario with aizawa x wife where his wife failed and she’s slighty injured at the hospital plz sorry if i made mistake i'm not an english speaker😅

Ahhh! Thank you so much for liking my writing (im crying heart emojis 😭it truly means a lot) and for your lovely request! I love this scenario and I hope you enjoy!! (your english is amazing btw!) 

Always

PAIRING ~ Aizawa x reader

GENRE ~ fluff/comfort 

SUMMARY ~ Hospital visits are not fun at all, and when Aizawa got notice that his wife was in the hospital, he quickly came to you with no hesitation but with  overwhelming love and support. 

WORD COUNT ~ 1.2k

Aizawa Shouta is usually calm during frantic situations. From being a pro-hero for so long and a teacher at U.A, he had his fair share of quick-thinking during catastrophic events. With his rational, cool mind and his intelligent wits, he knows what to do during emergencies.

But today was not such a case.

…Your wife is currently at Musutafu’s General Hospital…

Those words just couldn’t get out of his head. He received a phone call lunch break while he was grading papers from yesterday at the teachers’ office and hearing those words made his heart raced immediately into fight-or-flight mode. Excusing himself from U.A during the middle of the day was probably one of the most irrational things he may have ever done (especially at the fact that he was literally homeroom teacher of U.A), and even though Principal Nezu has given him full permission to leave early with total understandable approval, one will still probably feel a slight embarrassed or ashamed…but to Aizawa, he couldn’t care less at the moment.  

He just needed to see you. Now.

What if you are— He thought as he ran to the entrance of the hospital with brows furrowed and raven-black hair as messily as ever from racing through it with his fingers for the millionth time (a habit he does when he’s stress).

No. You are alive. Aizawa’s other side replied back. With a low grunt, he paced to the front counter, exchanged names and ID with the lady, and headed straight to your located room.

Heart pounding in his ears, Aizawa felt that he could crumble any second now as he slid the door to see you bandaged up around your ribs and arms. Your head was facing the other side, not noticing the door being opened.

“Y/N,” Aizawa croaked as he immediately walked towards you.

You turned your head to see your husband right next to you and your eyes widened in surprise.

“Shouta?” You exclaimed. “Why are you-“ You stammered as you realized that it is the middle of the day and he should be in U.A.  “I’m so sorry for disturbing you at work.”

Aizawa sat down next to you and grabbed your hand softly. “Don’t you dare apologize, Y/N. I- I should have been there…I could have-“

“It’s not as bad as it looks, Shouta. Really. It is just a small concussion and a few minor bruises on my ribs and arms, but nothing’s broken,” you said to him as you curled your fingers easily to prove it. But that didn’t seem to erase the distress on Aizawa’s face. “Hey, who was the one who was all bandaged up that Hizashi Yamada began calling you ‘mummy man’?”

Aizawa couldn’t help but smile at your teasing as he glided his hand to your cheek.

“Ok, we are not going to be comparing injuries.”

As Aizawa caressed your forehead, you felt warm at the heart. It may be selfish of you for feeling this given that your husband sacrificed his work time to see you, but you were so glad that he was there by your side at the moment. The scene from this morning’s incident couldn’t go away and you swelled up as you told him your story.

“The villain can copy people’s voices exactly. It was a mimic quirk,” you explained looking down at your bed so your eyes wouldn’t meet his. “After splitting up, I heard a wail from my teammate upstairs, and I quickly ran up to help her. But instead of seeing my partner, it was just the villain hiding behind one of the corners…and I was too late to notice…I couldn’t-“ you curled your fingers into a fist as anguished filled your lungs. “I couldn’t capture him and instead I was stupidly knocked unconscious.” You finished bitterly as you reflected back on your failure. Hearing your teammate scream in pain pushed your buttons to move, but instead of seeing your teammate, you felt an eerie presence behind you and all you could remember was the villain’s smug smile and a painful knock on your head.  

You have failed in missions before, but if you had been a tad bit wiser or quicker, you might have sensed that something was odd immediately when you couldn’t find your teammate.

“Hey, look at me,” Aizawa said in a stern voice, popping you back into reality from your bitter thoughts. He lifted your chin up so you could see his face. “You didn’t do anything wrong. His quirk wasn’t revealed yet until you found out.”

“But I was so weak-“

“And what if that voice was your teammate calling for help? You did your best Y/N, don’t put all the blame to yourself. It’s okay to feel bad…but remember to let go.” His tone was deep and gentle. “And plus…failure doesn’t mean you’re weak because true weakness is holding onto that image of yourself and not moving forward.” 

You were stunned to hear such powerful words coming out of your husband’s mouth. Sure, Aizawa has lifted your moods with his comforting supportive talks, but the gaze he held was full of sincerity that it not only soothed your fired emotions, but it also made you feel a strange surge of determination and hope.

“Thank you, Socrates,” you joked with a twinkle in you eye that made Aizawa’s lips twitch a smile as he rolled his eyes and leaned forward to give you a kiss on the forehead.  

“Anytime.” He replied back softly with his half-lidded eyes more mesmerizing than ever.

Aizawa then headed out the door to come back carrying a bag of takeout with a familiar logo on it. “You must be hungry,” he said as he laid the bag on the table next to you, popped open the lid of the container, and fed you your favorite warm soup that you always order from that restaurant.

As Aizawa fed you (he refused for you to do any work, including lifting up a spoon with your bandaged arms), he began to talk to you about his day so far, making you laugh and smile as you listen to his stories. Sometimes it is just the mundane things—like talking about one’s day— that eases your mind and body back to a familiar state that makes you feel cozily content.

As you exchanged conversations and finished your meal, your eyes began to droop and before you could reach to grab the blankets, Aizawa swooped down and grabbed them for you.

“No. Let me,” he said ever so smoothly.

Gosh, he really was perfect.

You smiled warmly at him as you grasped the back of his neck and pulled him close for a kiss.

As Aizawa caressed your cheek softly, you noticed him still sitting next to you comfortably.

“Shouldn’t you return to U.A?” You asked.

Aizawa shook his head. “I’m staying here with you.”

You intertwined his fingers with his and hummed happily in reply as you propped your head comfortably on the pillow.

“Love you, Shouta,” you mumbled as your finally closed your eyes.

You didn’t see it, but Aizawa smiled at you with a smile that would probably make his whole class turn to stone in shock (and perhaps endless teasing from Present Mic), because it was just that beautiful.

“I love you too, Y/N. Always.” 

[nextstopparis]

OH MY GOD YESSSSS YOU’TE SO RIGHT ABOUT THEN AT THE FESTIVAL MWA IT WAS PERFECT!! 💗💗 which reminds me, please for the love of god ramble about them having to be in a fake relationship undercover,,,, the trope was BUILT for gwart,,,

JSFLKDJ omg ok. anon i am so sorry its been a few days but things got WEIRD and i honestly had nothing so i had to wait bc i want to give u the best ramble abt fake relationship gwart and i so i hope this is good enough to make up for the time sijfosifjsiojfeio (under the keep reading thing cause it accidentally got long ifejoiefjs):

so tbh for them, i cant think of it happening any other way than like, everyone finds out about gwaine’s actual background when his sister/mom/whoever are somehow invited to like. a feast in camelot celebrating whatever occasion (maybe a tournament or whatever. something that lasts for a few days/weeks). bc somehow they get ahold of the list of guests and gwaine recognizes his sisters name and groans and it piques everyone’s interest bc ???gwaine??? not looking forward to being able to publically get drunk?????  u n h e a r d  o f ! !

SO ANYWAY after a bit of...ehm...cajoling...he finally gives up and tells them about his sister and his whole backstory and its like highkey amusing but also its kinda obvious that gwaine really doesn’t like his sister for whatever reason?? so they all just agree to Tease Him But Also Look Out For Him From A Distance (arthur ofc pretends he wants no part of his knights’ business but literally no one is fooled at all. like no even gwaine the Ultimate Himbo is fooled. arthur sweetie be more obvious i dare u).

anyway, however much time passes and the guests arrive and gwaine has a run in with his dear, dear sister. and she’s like. not horrible per se, it’s just that her and gwaine hate each other and seem to be very stupidly competitive. like about every single fucking thing. and its not even amusing insults that they throw each other as they try to one up the other its just. kind of uncomfortable.

OK IK THIS SEEMS UNIMPORTANT BUT BASICALLY WHERE IM GOING WITH THIS IS THAT: she somehow manages to like. say something that he can’t trump. not even with “im a knight of camelot” (which he sooooooo would flaunt in her face like all the fucking time i will not be taking criticism). anyway yes. so she says something he cant outdo, and they’re coincidentally with percival and elyan who have both Had It with this non sense (also they want to help gwaine out bc bros before bros sisters or whatever the fuck).

god this is all just a longwinded way of saying that elyan has the Best Idea Ever and basically just tells gwaines sister that him and the king are fucking. like ok he’s a bit sneaky abt it saying it in vague terms like “you were with arthur last night, right?” and “oh your brother has the kings ear you must be really proud (ironically)(but also Casually)”. and percival realizes whats happening straight away (bc himbos have selective braincells when it comes to messing with their Bros ig??) and jumps in on it adding things like “how are your private training sessions going with him?” and shit jlsjfskdjfslk

and gwaine--

gwaine thinks its ABSOLUTELY GENIUS. he’s like fuck. why didn’t i think of that. sleeping with like a REAL LIFE KING AND SHIT trumps EVERYTHING oh my god. so he jumps right in like “we keep needing to extend the private training sessions because we always get..........~distracted~ *hint hint wink wink*” or other things like “yeah, well his rooms always warmer at night than mine - also his bed” and its so fucking hilarious for them because TECHNICALLY theyre all such vague statements but gwaines sisters face is just. getting redder and redder and she looks like she just ate something very bitter and basically --

operation Make Gwaine’s Sister Jealous is a Success.

but then she calls him out on his fucking bluff. and gwaine is SHAMELESS (and also this might mean that him and the princess will have to put on A Show and he just wants to at least pretend for a second that him and arthur are together, ~like that~ just ONCE alright omfg. but DONT tell anyone that ok. god). so he just goes up to arthur that night and is like “look, princess, my sister’s under the impression that we’re fucking so. could you? help a loyal and dear subject/knight/best friend out and just act like we’re doing that please? thanks!” and arthurs just standing there. gaping at him with his ears ringing bc WHAT?????????????JUST???????HAPPENED???????

and so arthur, you know, validly, is like “gwaine what the actual fuck” in which case gwaine explains what happened (making sure to rat elyan and percival out bc he is a Snitch). and arthur kind of wants to die lmfao bc on the one hand absolutely not but on the other hand... you know.... he kind of doesnt want his knights to look like fucking lying little shits (and also ok. maybe he wants to pretend he and gwaine are together for a second. but he will Never Ever Ever admit that so you did NOT just read that okay? okay.). so somehow these three lil shits rope The King Of Camelot, Best Swordsman In The Five Kingdoms (gwaine disagrees with that part but whatever), Arthur Pendragon The Most Emotionally Constipated Dearie into faking a relationship with a knight just to fuck with said knights sister.

all the others, naturally, find this Absolutely Hilarious when they find out what’s going on and just like. spend the whole time finding ways to tease them and shit osifjoijfioejs its so funny bc gwaine wants it to be real and arthur wants it to be real but they dont know the other wants it to be real but LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS THEY BOTH WANT IT TO BE REAL AND--

im literally so tired they r so fcucking dumb oh my god sljfeijfoisjoiej

so then everytime they see gwaines sister gwaine wraps an arm around arthur (waist, shoulders) and like once, while she’s passing the training grounds while they’re on a break, sitting in the grass and whatnot, he just puts his head in arthurs lap. and arthur is like !!!!!!!!!W H A T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for a split second before his Gay Panic dissolves into just liking the way gwaines hair feels through his fingers when gwaine forces him to start playing with it [the hair] (ITS JUST!!!!!!FOR SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

when the main feast or whatever comes, arthur is like. forced to put gwaine next to him (who is very smug actually) and they’re just sort of dancing around each other the whole night. you know like hands on backs when they whisper in the others ear about some dumb fucking thing (gwaine: “i think you should kiss me just so she really believes it” arthur, losing his mind and forgetting why he’s even saying no: “i am not doing that” gwaine: “well fine, maybe ill just kiss you” arthur: “dOnt youDARE” gwaine: *laughs and winks before walking away*)

also omfg he uses the “princess” petname on arthur in her presence but it comes out so sweet and fond and intimate and ARTHUR!!!!IS!!!LOSING!!!!HIS MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so anyway, at the end of the night as people are (finally) starting to go back to their rooms to sleep, arthur walks gwaine out and they walk together with their arms around each other until they reach the halfway mark between where gwaines retiring to and arthurs rooms. and maybe they r both a lil drunk (sure, jan), but suddenly gwaine kisses arthurs cheek and squeezes his waist as a goodbye.

and actually, his sister is nowhere to be found.

[randomsevans]

a stab to the heart

Captain weekly challenge

@captain-a-rogerss​

@optimistic-dinosaur-nacho​

@donutloverxo​

RANSOM X READER 

a/n : i know i write quite abit of angst but i couldn't help myself , even tho i try to write soft Ransom because i dont think he gets much love , but i just had to write him as the true arsehole he is .

You should know this day would come , why on earth did you fall form him ? ,Trust him ? Believe he would change for YOU !

This wasn't how today was meant to be , it was meant to be your anniversary , A year you have put up with  his shit but you did it anyway because you stupidly fell for him. You've dealt with it all his  shit show of a family ,his drinking , partying. Your voices which you should of listen to from the beginning . After all you should know to trust you gut felling , but your heart just over powered.

Despite all the times he would leave and you wouldnt hear from him for days , or his constant partying with his friends , knowing fine well theyd be girls all around much like it was before you , You trusted him , believed him . After all who are you to call the man you love , who says he love you and to trust him , who are you to call him a liar . 

but that was what he was . 

after all he is Ransom FUCKIN Drysdale . 

you had woken up by a soft pair of lip touch your cheek ,but it wasn't gental or sweet , it was rushed 

“y/n ! im leaving right , ill see ya soon “ Ransom husky morning voice echoed through out your room . Ransom may have said in a harsh tone , but you must of thought because it was so early in the morning and he probably didn't want to leave . After all today is you anniversary . But at least it was an improvement , in the past he would just get up and leave 

“okay “ you grumbled as you rubbed your eyes turning on your back , pulling the sheets with you as you opened your eyes to see Ransom pulling his brown coat over  his shoulder sorting out the collar . A small smile placed on your lips , as you were mesmerised by how lucky you were to have someone as hansom as him . “why dont you say ?” you said softly 

“i cant !” he snapped back , not in such a bitter tone , like he use with most , he has always been kinder to you but it was still enough for you to be slightly offend 

“umm okay “ you nervously said sitting up , “where you going ?“

he let out a deep sigh as his eyes slighted towards you in announce “out ! “ he snapped once again , until a small smug smile place on his lips “iv got something to take care of “ 

you nodded being as naive and in love ,you didn't dare question him further until a wide smile placed on your lips as you remembered what today is “im still seeing you later ya !” you  asked all giddy 

“uhhhh .. it depends on how today goes “ he let out a dry chuckle 

“oh okay “ you though maybe he was trying to wind you up he might have a surprise for you like you do for him , He does remember what today is doesn't he ?

ransom turned the door nob and opened the door , not even glancing at you . “see ya !” it was cold , nothing sweet about it. but before you could answer you heard him bounce down the stair , and soon after heard the front door open and close . 

You sighed , dragging your self out of bed , but still feeling good about the day . He was probably only winding you up . 

so you got up and got ready for the day , 

***************************************************************************************

some time had past , and you were becoming more anxious ,to know if Ransom was actual going to come , of course he would , but what kept him from  not spending the day with you again . Especial today of all days . 

you tried to ignore the little voice in your head doubting him , where could he be ? who is he with ? what is he doing ? did he forget ?

you hide those thoughts in the back of your head , as you reminded your self of the plans you had for him . But you still could not help the gut feeling that something was off . So as you made your way up the stair you rang Ransoms phone , it rang through and went to voicemal by the time you got to the top of the stairs , You decided to try one more time , and as you did you heard a ringing noise coming from your bedroom . You lifted your brow in confustion and headed into your bedroom , The ringing contuined , you quickely glanced around , to see what it was , It was then you saw Ransom phone , was laying on the floor , inbetween the door and your dresser . 

You let out a little giggle , at Ransom for being foolish leaving his phone . It must of feel out of his coat pocket . 

You shook your head picking it up from the ground , you chucked it on the bed , along with your phone and made  your way in to your wardrobe to get ready for  when ransom gets back 

It didnt take you long to get ready , as you had gotten dress , applied little makeup (gift above )

you frowned releasing the time , once again , but you sighed , trying to remain , calm , and have a good day . But as you turned to grab your phone , yu quickly remembered you have Ransoms

you titled your head in curiosity , maybe you could find out what he was doing , or maybe call one of his friend to see where he was . As you grabbed his phone , you suddenly felt uneasy , and no it wasnt your lunch . You suddenly felt guilty for going through his phone it felt like you were invading his  privacy . You nibbled on your bottom lip . Surely it would be fine , its not like he has anything to hide , right ?

so you opened up his phone , and went to unlock it , when you released you needed to enter a password , that you didnt know . You stranded there for a minted thinking with one hand on your hip covered by you silk black robe .Ransom was a very forgetfully person   clearly . So you had to think of something , he wouldn't forget , and it was then you tried his birthday . NOPE didnt work . And then you remembered four number that were more important to Ransom his card pin BINGO you were in . 

But your heart suddenly began to beat fast , now you were in his phone , what were you going to do now , its not like anyone know where he is . So you decided to go on to message and see who it was that last text him , maybe there needed him and thats where he went ? Maybe ? 

so as you pressed the little green bubble at the bottom of the screen , you were met with a string of conventions . Your brows raised , as you saw , random numbers , and anitionals  with little side notes in brackets . The top one was just labelled as J.S? (good when told  ) . You decide to click on it , as a wave  of anxiety  hit you  , 

you saw a short line of blue and white message back a forth  as your eyes bluurd one the words as your eyes become glossed over . while your chest tightend and you colsaped onto the bed . You heart sank , and torn all at once while your head become dizzy . You read through the text to make sure , your eye wernt tricking you 

J.S : Ransom , baby where are you ? you promised       

                          R.D : ill be there soon iv just got to finish up over here first 

J.S :kk ill be waiting 😉😘

                          R.D : oh i know you will be ! 

you  shaking lifted your hand , and click on another , and another conversation , that were just as similair some that had when on longer others that were shorter . Some were similar , a thank you and telling him to call them back . 

A small tear trippled down your cheek ,as you read through the message , you were even be able to find your own somewhere between a 11 digets number and a ALICE ? (decent) 

And you , You were simple save as y/n (err okay ?)

you felt anger rage through you , as you shot up from your bed . 

***********************************************************************************

And thats where you found your self now , just finished collecting all off Ransom cloths and things that he has left over . Watching them burn in the sink , turn to ash as you add to the glowing  flames as you pour the vodka you were currently sipping on , over the fire .  You turned facing away the kitchen isle as you lifted your arm as rubbed your eyes over your silk rob smuging your mascara . 

you looked down towards the cake that you had brought . You honestly dont know why tho .But you couldnt help but star at its delicate white piping around the edge and the swirls . It was kind of funny how you saw your self  in a cake . You was kind of like it before Ransom , sweet , and elegant  and now you were this A girl crying over an arsehole burning his cloths , after finding out he had been cheating . But you were surprisingly okay with that 

But the temptation was to much , you held to much rage with in . That you couldnt help but ick up a knive and stab through the cake  imagining Ransom face . With a harsh bang crumes where flying everway .You could help but laugh at your self , as you  took out your frustrations at on a cake . 

your anger , mixed with vodka made your turn into a fit of gigles that echoed through the kitchen . It was until you heard the openoing of the front door , you stopped , your face dropped as you griped the knive harder . 

“ha babe , i left my ... what the fuck !”

[haikyuuscreaming]

hello!! can you write something fluff with kenma, please? some friends to lovers if possible. loving your blog 💕💕

OH SHIT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG SDFSDFJKD this is. 3.5k words roughly and im so sorry idk why my fics always come out longer than 1k words :(((

The first time you meet Kozume Kenma, he’s hiding behind the wall that is Kuroo Tetsurou and you’re both in your first year.

“Oh?” The Nekoma volleyball captain stares you down in the Chem class you share with him. “You’re [Surname]-san, right?”

“Yeah,” You say, never breaking eye contact with him but secretly eyeing the quiet boy behind him. He’s your classmate in a few other of your periods, but not this one. This class is an advanced Chemistry class, placing you conveniently with the second-years and a handful of equally smart first-years. “I need help with the homework and you’re my best bet. Could you help out?”

Kuroo narrows his eyes at you, which you don’t exactly appreciate but you don’t say anything. “You sure you don’t want me to just give answers?”

“I kinda need to understand this to pass the class, so no thanks.”

He hums in approval, like you’ve passed some test, and nods. “Sure thing. I wanted to teach Kenma this anyway.”

Oh, that’s his name… you think to yourself, and you noticed the mentioned Kenma doesn’t look up from his Nintendo Switch, even at the mention of his name. You watch Kuroo turn around to his companion, coercing him, “Kenma, get up, we’re learning Chem.”

“Can’t we do it later?” Kenma’s voice doesn’t hold anything akin to bitterness or complaint- it’s kind of devoid, actually, in a soft and cute way- and you try to tune out the sound of Kuroo scolding him but he’s so loud when he’s right next to you.

“C’mon, we’re about to go home now, we can stay after school a little longer. Plus, we get to teach this lovely lady about nuclei.”

“I’m right here, you know,” you roll your eyes lightly but before you know it, you’re defending Kozume-san. “We can always work it out, um… I dunno, maybe over lunch on Sunday? I mean, it is Friday and this thing’s due Monday and… we can have more fun studying this if we have food.”

Stupid fucking Kuroo only grins. “Oh, so you’re asking me on a date? Kinda bold, if I don’t say so myself, kouhai-chan.”

“Kuro, stop.” Kenma speaks up and his quiet voice somehow speaks volumes. “We can meet with her on Sunday to do it.” And just like that, he retreats to his Switch without another word.

Kuroo turns to you and shrugs indifferently, contrasting his previously provocative and shitfaced attitude. “The man’s laid down the law. How’s boba on Sunday sound?”

The second time you meet Kenma is on that promised study session.

He has inconspicuous earbuds in, his face illuminated by the glowing light of his DS. He has a DS, too? He still looks cute.

And there’s Kuroo of course, but he’s irrelevant to your case unless it has to do with your god forsaken chem homework.

“You want me to go order some drinks next door?” Kuroo quirks an eyebrow. “My treat.”

“Just a brown sugar milk tea, thanks,” You tell him gratefully. Thank god for men and their dead sense of chivalry.

“No boba? You’re crazy.” Kuroo scrunches his nose at you and you wish Kenma would start talking so you could avoid this big, annoying cat. “What about you, Kenma? Your usual?”

“Yeah,” is all Kenma says.

“Alright, see you nerds later,” Kuroo practically sings out, patting both of your heads like an old man, and takes something from Kenma that you don’t quite catch, but it makes Kenma glare at him.

As soon as Kuroo’s out of sight, you find it a little awkward to keep conversation with Kenma especially with his whole gamer complex, but-

Oh.

Kuroo took Kenna's DS.

“Kuroo-san’s pretty bothersome, huh,” you sigh out in an attempt to stir conversation. Lucky for you, Kenma goes along with the conversation without fight, his eyes peering over you like reflective pools of honey.

(They’re really pretty, you think.)

“Yeah,” Kenma slouches down a little bit more in his chair at the mention of his taller friend. “He’s kind of like my second mom… but not really. Always nagging me to do things.”

You laugh at his solemn, depressed answer. “It’s fun to have him around, though, right? He’s kind of funny sometimes-- the rest he’s annoying-- and he’s decently smart even though I’m pretty sure he’s got, what, three braincells.”

To your unprompted delight, Kenma laughs softly at you poking fun of Kuroo, and the conversation between you and him starts piling up into more, and more, and it all feels so short. You don’t even notice Kuroo coming back and hovering over the table.

“Eh? You and Kenma getting along without me? What a shame, you know. I really do get third-wheeled.” Kuroo lets out a wistful sigh akin to an old man and sits down, drinks in hand. “So, who’s ready to study?”

The third time you meet Kozume Kenma, it’s at your mall’s arcade.

You and your friends are playing one of those claw machines, trying to get that really cute Miku figurine and those adorable plushies, wasting all your coins on these sucker games like the dumb teenagers you are. But a glimpse of familiar, two-toned hair catches your eye.

“Hold on,” you tell your friends who’re still busy trying to get that stupidly gorgeous Sakura Miku figure. “I’m gonna be right back.”

You wander your way to the familiar head of hair, and gratefully, your instinct was right. “Kozume-san? What’re you doing here?”

Kenma practically jumps at the sound of your voice, turning around, eyes wide. “Oh. I just got lost from the team. You’re here too?”

“Mhm,” You smile, pointing at your screaming group of friends. “My friends and I are here just to chill out and have fun. You can hang with us if you want!”

He shakes his head, his hair gracefully framing his face. “Nah, I’m fine, thanks.. I’ll just hold out until Kuro sniffs me out or something.”

You furrow your brow- geez, this kid’s gonna get lost so fast-- and you gently clasp the phone he’s holding in his hand. “Can I give you my number? I’ll pick up immediately if you ever call, just give a ring.”

You fail to notice the surprise that flits over Kenma’s face, but he reluctantly hands you his phone and you tap in your number quickly. “See you around, Kozume-san. Don’t get into trouble.”

And Kenma smiles on his own accord, his face lighting up softly like a lamp under moonlight. “You too.”

The fourth time you meet Kozume Kenma, he’s at your house working on an Japanese Lit assignment.

“Oh? Kozume-kun!” You’re pleasantly surprised when your teacher pairs the two of you up. “Nice to talk with you again.”

“Yeah, “ Kenma blinks a little awkwardly and he shyly grins, which you find even more stunning than it already is because he’s usually held up such a calm, unaffected facade. “Uh. So do you want to meet up at… your house for this? So we can do the project.”

“Oh, yeah,” You wave dismissively, beaming at him because this is your chance to get closer with him. “My little brother’s a nuisance, though, so he might bother us. I hope you don’t mind?”

“No problem.. you can text me the address, because… yeah.” You find it cute how Kenma doesn’t want to mention that the two of you have been texting a lot more lately, and the slightest blush tints his cheeks.

“Of course!”

Flash to your house, the two of you are on the floor, slaving over a giant posterboard with paint and art supplies scattered about.

“I hate making movie posters, it’s so tiring…” You groan out, trying to paint Yukio Mishima’s face with the utmost care. “And this book’s so creepy… why would we wanna make a poster of it? He commits seppuku!”

Kenma grins a little bit and he looks really cute, with his hair tied up in the back and his gaze focused on the painting at hand. “You’re so easily grossed out.”

“But he made it so detailed! You're immune ‘cause you play all those gross horror games.”

He laughs quietly, and you think you're going to heaven. “You couldn't even handle Ao Oni, stop.”

You scowl at the mention of Kenma’s dumb horror games. “He’s this weird deformed grape, okay?? It was kinda scary!”

The two of you end up nowhere near finishing your poster, and you collectively decide to put it off for maybe another day. The rest of your day is spent-- c-cuddling? (no hetero, you reassured Kenma, although you were thinking otherwise)-- and playing more horror games, much to your chagrin.

(But it gave you a reason to hug Kenma tighter.)

You can’t even count the amount of times you’ve met up with Kenma now. You’re in your second-year of high school now and your bond with him as only strengthened.

He invited you eventually to walk to school with him, along with Kuroo, and you find out that it was Kuroo’s coaxing to do so. But you’re still delighted that Kenma agreed on, what, the second time Kuroo nagged him about it?

You and Kenma have gotten fairly close. You’ve vented to him, cried to him, he’s shown his emotional side, too. You’ve even gotten a little closer to Nekoma’s god, Kuroo Tetsurou (to which your friends always complain about- “you can’t take all the cute guys for yourself”). But, in your opinion, the most important part is that you’ve been getting closer to Kozume Kenma, who you once thought would always just be the quiet classmate to you. Who would always be your unattainable, close-guarded crush.

"Kenma!” You yell out, rushing over to him with your backpack practically bouncing off of you with each step. “Wait up, would you?! How do you get out of class so quick??”

 "I was waiting for you either way,” Kenma mumbles and hunches his shoulders together. “Do you wanna go to my house? I have new games and Kuroo won't be bothering us.”

“Can’t we get snacks first?” You know you sound a little bit whiny, but you’re hungry as fuck, and Kenma’s smiling either way.

“I guess.. you’re paying, though.”

“That isn’t fair at all!”

Eventually the two of you walk to your nearest 7/11 and get chips and snacks before leaving promptly, with you holding your chocolate milk and Kenma sipping apple juice. The walk to his house is full of conversation, Kenma equally engaged as you are. But as soon as you arrive at his front doorstep, the hollow noise of an empty apple juice box makes its appearance.

“You drink your juice too fast!” You tease Kenma lightly as he frowns, unlocking the door.

“You just drink too slow,” he replies and shoulders the door open. The two of you make your way inside and flop onto the couch, Kenma crouching near the TV to boot up his newest game. “Damn. I’m still thirsty, too.”

“Language, Kenma,” You chide him, throwing a pillow at him as soon as he sits down next to you on the couch. “And-” it takes every ounce of your willpower not to turn bright red. “-do you want some of my chocolate milk?”

The silence that follows is very short (probably only, what, a second or two?), but it feels like hours of painful quiet. Kenma blinks at you and the pink that dusts his ears becomes more and more prominent each second.

“Yeah… sure,” Kenma finally says and you beam so wide that you’re sure not even the sun could battle the brightness of your happiness right now. You hand him your nearly untouched chocolate milk and his fingers brush against yours as he takes it, sipping at it cautiously like he was afraid something would happen.

(Oh my god he’s so cute.. he looks so cute… he’s drinking my chocolate milk!! He’s so-)

“Oi, Kenma! My mom told me to pick up some tomatoes from y-” The door bursts open to reveal Kuroo Tetsurou.

You freeze, since Kuroo just witnessed you passing a chocolate milk box to Kenma and the latter sipping at the straw. Kenma kind of flushes, his mouth still wrapped around the plastic straw with chocolate milk halfway up.

“Eh? Sharing drinks now?” Kuroo tsks and shakes his head, a smirk gracing his stupidly arrogant face. “You know, you two could get mono. Or any other communicable diseases. Kinda risky, you know?”

“Kuroo, stop!” You’re wildly embarrassed to be caught in this not-so-platonic situation (in your opinion, at least), before Kuroo lets out a hearty laugh.

“You know, that’s an indirect kiss!”

“Didn’t I say stop?!”

“Ah, youth. Indirect kisses! You put your mouth on the straw, then he did. Romance at its finest!”

You know, deep inside, Kuroo just likes to rile you up, but you still bite the bait. “Kuroo, shut up, please??”

And Kenma speaks up for the first time during the whole banter. “Kuro, the tomatoes are on the kitchen table. Go.”

The Nekoma captain quirks an eyebrow before shrugging and heading towards the kitchen. “Thanks. Don’t do anything risky.”

“Kuroo!”

You and Kenma awkwardly glance at each other-- you note he’s still sipping your chocolate milk-- and eventually he stands off to ward Kuroo off (who keeps chuckling for no goddamn reason).

You two are alone again, and his burnt-gold eyes stare into yours.

“Did Kuro bother you?” His ears are still pinkish, but you notice that he’s still comfortable, although you can see a sheen of sweat starting to form on his face.

“Nah... “ You force your voice to stay level. “Why does he keep doing this?? God, he’s so annyoing sometimes… it isn’t like- it isn’t like we’re dating or anything.” God fucking damn stuttering.

Kenma’s eyes widen for a fraction of a millisecond, and you almost miss it, before he clears his throat. “Yeah. Not like that at all.. let’s just go back to playing.”

The atmosphere morphs into the usual, playful one that is held between the two of you, and you’re becoming proud of how much better Kenma is at redefining conversations and shifting the mood whereas in the beginning he would struggle in topic changes.

You’re so proud of him.

(And you’re kind of in love with him.)

You have a group chat with Kuroo and Kenma, unsurprisingly.

It’s, what, midnight on a school day, and the three of you are texting. Kuroo offers a game of ‘truth or dare’, and you accept out of sheer boredom. Plus, dares are so much easier to do online because you can fake nearly anything.

kuroo >:/: kenma truth or dare

kenma :): i’m not playing

YOU: yea you are !! ur not getting out of this

kenma :): fine

  don’t say anything stupid though

kuroo >:/: so whats it gonna b???

Kenma takes a good ten seconds to respond.

kenma :): truth.

kuroo >:/: you got a crush on anyone?

YOU: oooh spicy

kenma :): kuro why

Your heart races a little bit at the comment.

YOU: oh? kenma i thought we were besties :(( why wouldnt u tell me

kenma :): it isn’t that….

  kuro you already know why are you asking me that here

kuroo >:/: for my favorite kouhai [name]-chan

YOU: fuck off kuroo we all know im ur fav bc i pay for ur boba

kuroo >:/: fair

You get impatient with Kuroo’s mindless banter, so you end up texting Kenma privately.

YOU: so who is ur crush????

kenma :): why do you assume i have one

YOU: i mean….u wouldve denied it if u didnt have one?

He leaves you on seen for two minutes and you’re about to text him and complain but his reply shoots back.

kenma :): it’s you

And your heart doesn’t skip a beat. No, it just beats even faster.

The blood is rushing to your face, you can feel it, and a smile tugs at your face subconsciously. Your brain’s running a mile a minute, and you’re so outrageously shocked and unprepared that the aftermath of it all hits you just about a minute later.

(What if he’s lying? What if someone made him say that? What if-)

YOU: fr?

YOU: kenma dont mess w me

kenma :): i’m not

kenma :): you wanted to know so yeah. it’s you

kenma :): i like you and idk kuro says it’s “more than just like” and maybe he’s right

kenma :): see u at school tmr

YOU: WAIT KENMA COME BACK ???

You cute little rat, you seeth internally, happiness still radiating off of you. Is this a dream? Oh my god. Kozume Kenma likes me.

… Kozume Kenma feels the same way I feel about him.

The next day, you anxiously wait for Kenma at your doorstep. You even woke up early and had gotten ready as soon as you could, just so you could catch Kenma ASAP.

You slept surprisingly well, despite your anxiety from Kenma, and your body was filled with energy. You check your phone every two minutes, glancing at his ‘good morning text’ and praying for another one.

kenma :))): gm i’m still walking to school with u if you want… i’ll pass by your house just in case

YOU: oh!!!! yea id love to walk to school w u :))

Silence fills your ears as you anxiously pace back and forth from your doorstep to the curb of your neighborhood. You can’t help but worry as your gaze flits across every house, begging for a sign of Kenma.

(What if you’re too late, you realize in panic. What if your efforts weren’t enough?)

But then the sound of quiet-paced footsteps snaps you out, and you look up to see Kenma, standing in front of your house, an adorably shy expression painted across his face.

“Kenma!” You hate how your voice comes out kind of squeaky and high-pitched but you don’t care right now. You practically launch off of your doorstep and bound toward him, settling by his side.

He gives you a shy, adoring look but you can see the anxiety in his eyes as he points forward in the direction of Nekoma. “We can talk while walking, right?”

You smile breathlessly and your fingers brush against his. He smiles at you, and you notice the same pink dusting his ears like when he was sharing chocolate milk with you.

Two hands intertwine and the conversation begins.

You’re in your third year of college now, out on a “boys (and girl) night out”, as Kuroo deemed it.

Kenma’s got it well-made for him, striking good on his company to which you supported him through the entire time, and Kuroo’s on his way to be the scientist he’s always dreamed of being even as a nerdy-jock kid. He claims he’s practically a professional volleyball player, too, just on the side, but both you and Kenma know better.

You and Kenma have been dating ever since your second-year in high school. Which makes it just about… four-ish years now that you’ve been dating.

(Kuroo claims that in your first-year, you and Kenma were basically dating each other spiritually, but you pay him no mind.)

The three of you are out on the beach on an autumn day. It’s pretty empty, despite the warm evening sun that casts a golden shine on the sand and ocean, so you’re all making epic sandcastles in peace.

“We should make a moat,” Kuroo says, already digging out a ring around the lopsided sandcastle.

“We haven’t even finished the castle itself!” You protest, pushing him lightly as you use your other hand to pat down the base of the castle.

Kenma packs sand into a small bucket and delicately places it on top of the half-finished sand “castle” to make a tower. You find it cute how he’s the only one putting in decent effort, so you help him out by packing in another bucket of sand. “Kuro would be a terrible architect,” Kenma comments.

“You right, you right,” You sigh out while Kuroo squawks in protest. Kenma leans on you, out of instinct you think, and you kiss the top of his head gently. Kuroo covers his eyes and complains about his youth and young love before Kenma haphazardly bumps into you. Which leads to the sand castle collapsing.

“Ah- Kenma!” you cry out in panic, sweeping the sand together in a half-hearted attempt to piece it back into a cohesive castle. “Be careful!”

“No, look,” he says quietly, a small smile gracing his face.

“You worked so hard on the base too, to make it big and flat- oh?” You sit up a little bit when you see a small velvet box in the middle of the sand pile.

Kuroo gasps very loudly and you stare at Kenma in shock.

Oh my god. What’s happening, what’s happening, oh my god-

You slowly reach out for the box in the middle of the mess and take it delicately, brushing off the sand clinging to it. Your fingers pry it open with shaking fingers and you feel Kenma place his hand on your arm gently, his gorgeous honey eyes staring at you. The same honey eyes you fell in love with.

You're also in love with the gorgeous, sparkling amber ring that sits in the middle of the cushioned box.

“[Name]. I want to be married. To you. Will you marry me?” Kenma’s voice is soft and sweet but you know with the convincing sureness in his voice that he’s been practicing this line for at least a month and he’s become confident in it.

You start crying immediately (god damn it, you think to yourself) your heart blooming with joy and your entire body feels like it’s about to explode of pure happiness.

You kiss him, full on the lips with tears streaming down your face and he kisses back, his arms wrapping around you and you realize he’s crying too. With the possibly happiest voice you’ve ever used in your life, you cry out, “Of course I will!” on the beach with Kuroo clapping in the background.

Two years later on that beach, you two become the happiest couple on Earth.

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki SSL Valentine’s Day Special

*sigh* I finished psychedelica of the black butterfly recently.... and geez I thought it was more tragic than ashen hawk (I really liked hikage’s and kagiha’s routes.... though i feel that by playing ashen hawk beforehand i knew that something was off at the start from the intro, and with kagiha given what happens). i’m probably going to translate the 2015 otomate party drama for it in the future since I have it in Chinese (provided no one else is planning on doing so)... unfortunately it’s like the Hakuoki drama that i just finished in that I don’t have text and will involve snipping the subtitles off a video....one day though.

Anyway. This translation is from the Dengeki Girl’s Style Magazine in the 2014 March issue. Felt stupidly long to do.

Translator notes will be located at the end for this.

also, i just wanna say it feels like Section 31 was involved in the Mars incident in Star Trek: Picard. 

enjoy~

Hakuoki SSL Dengegki GS Valentine’s Day Special March 2014

Translation from KumoriYami

Principal Kondou Isami: Speaking of February, Valentine's Day comes to mind/you'll immediately think of Valentine's Day!! This has nothing to do with being a warrior?......Everyone doesn't have to be so brave? This month, we interviewed 10 very popular men from our school about Valentine's day. People who want to receive chocolate from girls must read this carefully!

Questions

What type of chocolate would you like to receive, if you received chocolate on Valentine's Day?

What are you going to do on White Day?

Recently there have been many names of the types of chocolate that people have been giving to others, for example, friends chocolate, giri chocolate, boys/men to girl/women chocolates, and so on, what do you think of this trend?

Vice-principal/ Classical Literature teacher / 2nd Year Class 1 Homeroom teacher/ Disciplinary Committee Supervisor Hijikata Toshizou

If someone wants to give me chocolate, ordinary chocolate is fine. But, nothing too sweet.

......Is this really necessary? Since it's a return gift for chocolate, then getting the other person something to eat is fine.

I feel that these people are following a trend. If you really want to have it made, getting honmei chocolate is enough.

2nd Year Class 1/ Kendo Club Okita Souji

Bite-sized milk chocolate is good. It has the right sweetness that I like.

Ah~ White Day. Are you looking forward to this holiday/celebration/ festival?

Isn't it nice to receive/good enough to get a bunch of chocolates? Though that has nothing to do with me.

2nd Year Class 2/ Kendo Club/ Disciplinary Committee Saito Hajime

Since this is considered an important matter for someone to give...... regardless if it is bitter or sweet it must be received.

 It's best to go with hand-made chocolate. Starting with the ingredients..... No, first learn how to practise making it. 

Although this deviates from the original purpose, as it can disrupt discipline. If needing to send something, one is enough.

2nd Year Class 1/ Kendo Club Toudou Heisuke

Well...... I'd like to get biscuits and chocolates or something.

If it's for a normal return gift, I might give candy also gummies [says soft candy] or something.

Eh......How many types are there? But, it doesn't matter as long as you get to eat chocolate.

Health and physical education teacher/ Year 1 Class 1 Homeroom teacher Harada Sanosuke

If it's a gift from the heart, a hand-made cake made for dessert would be nice.

That...... perhaps I might give her a special lecture. [pfft.....LOLLLLLLL]

 Although there are many ways to express one's feelings...... it is best to cherish your relationships.

Year 3 Class 3/ Student Council President Kazama Chikage

Of course hand-made chocolate is proof of my wife's vow of love for me.

I intend to prepare gold powdered candies for my wife to eat for a lifetime.

This trend is wrong. Anything used to convey one's feelings should be returned in the same way [???]. 

School doctor/ accountant [when was Sanan an accountant?] Sanan Keisuke

Although I won't eat it, chocolate mixed with a red liquid should be pretty good.

Due to the meaning/significance of that day, I'd like to give the other person something memorable/unforgettable as a gift. 

Expressing love isn't limited to only one method, [though] doing that really isn't bad.

Math teacher/ 2nd Year Class 2 Homeroom teacher Nagakura Shinpachi

As long I can receive something, it doesn't matter! Just bring it!

Yes, after receiving a gift one must give something in return...... Excuse me/sorry, is it alright/possible to give something a bit smaller?

It's just a trend...... I don't want to cater to this trend at all.

1st Year Class 2/ Disciplinary Committee Nagumo Kaoru

Chocolate? To be honest, I don't care for Valentine's Day.

If it's necessary to send a return gift...... how is that possible!

Che, this trend is indeed sad. If you want some you aren't allowed to go buying it.

2nd Year Class 2/ Health Committee Yamazaki Susumu

If I receive chocolate, I hope to receive the type that is easy is convenient and easy to carry anywhere to replenish energy. 

Something healthy/Something good for your health. If possible it would be best to give the receiving party food with low amounts of calories.

I always think that there is something wrong when trends deviate from their original intentions....... In short, remember to brush your teeth after you finish eating.

Principal Kondou Isami: How about it? Can this be used as a good reference? I'm very curious about how much chocolate everyone will receive!

-----------------

TN since I’m not really familiar with Japanese chocolate names (probably cuz the manga I read isn’t really school life oriented): 

friend chocolate translation says "友人巧克力" literally "friend chocolate". so that might mean tomo chocolate

Giri chocolate is chocolate given by women/girls to men/boys who are usually just friends. kinda in the 'thanks for taking care of me' sense

the boys/men to girls/women chocolate might refer to gyaku chocolate

honmei chocolate is chocolate given from women to their significant other usually

-------------------

i had to go and look up way more info on Japanese chocolate terms than I’d like for this translation.... also i find harada’s response to Q2 very interesting :3 lol.

pic at the start is from the 10th anniversary book. be content and suffer like i have from beating black butterfly as i refrain from posting the rest of that image! also im taking out my anger from doing that stupid defeating 1000 enemies quest in fire emblem heroes by grinding rival domains on you all! so suffer! suffer as i have! mwhahahahahaaaa!

lol.

i’d say jk but im really not posting that image til way later since still have yet to crop everything from that page (im procrastinating plus my queue is full for images til the end of march xD) plus i tend to want to post my scans as grouped by original release origin, the pages they’re scanned from (only reason y that ssl pic was with the others in the last batch), or by book (or by whatever i feel like lol). will still be posting more scans later today.... and with my other translations for the foreseeable future til i run out of images that i have saved on my comp.... Also I’m really annoyed right now since my scanner isnt connecting to my laptop for some stupid reason.

[volvolts]

for some reason i was stupidly looking into the rwde tag and some of their “hot takes” are ice fucking cold actually

the one im talking about is an oscar “hot take” about how he’s a power male fantasy like a shonen protag a la kirito and somehow he’s overshadowing the main girls because of it but he’s not that privilege goes to jaune lol

and i dont like that it implies oscar is yet another self-insert and its kinda making me bitter lmao like oscar fans are lucky for him to even be mentioned in an episode let alone seen in it. im pretty sure that the parts where his fans try to pull attention to him is just saying “hey RT made this kid and said he’s going to be an important character but they refuse to use him or explore any of the interesting elements that they brought up with pyrrha and we just want to actually explore it and we arent using him as a self insert shonen protag that you guys are so quick to jump on” (though there are some weirdos out there who try to make oscar a harem protag which is gross he’s like 14)

I dont have a “hot take” but i got rants and this’ll be lost under tumblr void anyway so i can say whatever i want. to me, oscar’s most interesting prominent arc, and what got me to like him in the first place, is the loss of identity of becoming the successor to the oz line. its cool and interesting (when oscar said ”i’m just going to be another one of his lives” my heart just broke dude) and the writers dont ever explore it? like the “you sound like ozpin” is done already but no one talks about his treatment during the pre-transition or how oscar feels about this kind of responsibility or treatment (like a guy tried to kill him and multiple main characters don’t trust/have threatened/hurt him because of ozpin) no one actually talks to him and how no one (the merch, the fanbase, and even RT themselves) actually lets him interact with anyone other than his possible love interest and that in turn makes to easier for the main characters to treat him like shit too since they dont know him as a person to separate him from oz and it makes me so sad that this 14 year old has to be the bigger person during all of this when he is the one who should be the most angry and betrayed about the truth coming out (qrow can fucking blow me he shouldnt punch oscar for what ozpin did i dont care how tragic his backstory is)

and because of the disconnection oscar and the rest have, if oscar truly loses himself as oscar to the merge the only one who has the right to feel sad is me because even with the empty hugs and proximity he has with the others you cant pay me to believe anyone but ruby actually cares him and honestly thats for everyone in the whole show. no one has friends in the show they’re just partners or potential love interests and it kinda sucks because when something does happen to the character the only feeling is from you not from the other characters

like you know how pyrrha died and how you felt nothing when ruby saw her die because you were trying to think of times they actually hung out and you couldn’t and it was only sad because you knew pyrrha? or how you couldn’t really think about how ren and nora would individually feel about her death because pyrrha’s defining character trait was her crush on jaune until the last few episodes of vol 3? or how about when oscar left in vol 6 and you didnt feel anything when everyone was halfheartedly yelling oscar’s name (and im pretty sure that was the first and only time everyone but nora and ruby has ever said his name?) and when they dogpiled/group hugged him it felt so empty and the only reason you were happy for them was because you were still running on the high about JNR’s resolution with pyrrha?

and its so annoying to suddenly see them ~being friends~ even though there was no build up and it feels as if the writers are saying “see? see? theyre standing next to each other without yelling for fighting so they’re obvs friends now onscreen development who?”

[unpretentiousblogging]

My first suicide note

Don’t worry, this isn’t THE note, merely me reminiscing about what WAS my first note. And anyway, starting my actual suicide note with ‘first’ would be extremely stupid and already declaring defeat...which is ironic, since, you know, suicide is declaring defeat from life in general. 

Oh god. I do this a lot. Use poor humour to deflect from my obviously concerning thoughts. But anyway, it’s fine.Back to topic. (side note; there was no humour in my first suicide note. Hmm. Maybe I should incorporate that in the next one...joke. Maybe.Hopefully. Idk)

Anyway, first suicide note. Ah yes. I was fifteen.It was..2014? I don’t really remember much of it or the details surrounding that year. Just that it was angry and sad and vengeful and full of so much...hurt.Against everyone.My friends.My enemies. My mother. 

Ah. My mother. A recurring character in every suicide note I’ve ever written. It’s not her fault. She is not per say a bad person. But more on that later. This isn’t about her. This is about my suicide note and how it ended up being the first one.

A lot had been leading up to it. I should probably avoid saying the work depressed since I wasn't clinically diagnosed, but a bitch isn’t dumb. Or I mean, she is. But not in this case. You know when you spend the better part of two months not talking to anyone and experience the crushing pressure of this giant, pressing hollowness gnawing-ness that stays there no matter what you do, that THAT isn’t normal. Or at least, it wasn’t to me.

Tbh, I don’t understand much of it. That feeling. What caused it. Why it became such a significant part of my being. I was just in a negative head space. I had suddenly become hyper aware of the farce in everyone’s interaction with me. I detested that I couldn’t study what I wanted to. I had just...a lot going on. 

And also, truthfully, I think I had been using too much Tumblr. I would see this constant downpour of emaciated, beautiful girls talking about sadness as skinny white boys with cigarettes dangling from the corner of their mouths would tenderly hold them and I guess I internalised that this was what it took to be loved and also all that life had to offer.

Love. What a funny thing I chase after.So uninterested but also so extremely curious. Sigh.

Also, funny how the very platform that propelled me into the state I was then, is what I have chosen to come back to while meandering somewhere similar to that state. Not really funny,but what did I say..force of habbit. 

Anyway, back to story. I was sad.Really sad. And angry. And the final straw was the fight with my mom. I don’t remember what it was about. Not important. Just that I realised that I didn’t want my life anymore. Any life for that matter.

So, how does a 15 year old, kill herself? Or well, try to. Because, suuurprise. It obviously didn’t work. I didn’t die. (yet) Or I wouldn’t be ‘’killing time’’ (haha) by writing this.

Well,didn’t own a gun.not smart enough to figure out how strangulation worked.House not tall enough for free falling from roof to cause desired effect. Too much of a wimp to cut veins.

The only other logical explanation was to ingest some poison. Painless. Bound to achieve results without risking grotesquely convulsing my appearance in the way that free falling or burning would do should the fail to work.

Now, we didn’t have any poison lying around the house but I remember how popularised the video of the Amanda Todd suicide was and how she mentioned drinking bleach to kill herself. So, my manic self rushed to the bathroom in search for my poison.

Unfortunately, I could find no bleach. So,I reached out for the next best thing. This anti acne product I had bought from Shams recently. It was pretty expensive and barely used but since I was going to die anyway,what was the point of me being careful with this overpriced bottle of skin care.

Yes, I decided to die by gulping down a bottle of a beautification product for my skin. Not only is that highly improbable but I think about it and snicker at the fact that is basically a twist on the whole ‘eat makeup to become prettier on the inside’ joke. I was basically annihilating all the blemishes on my inside by ingesting that bottle of toner. Pretty funny, if you think about it. Or just me?

To be fair, at the time, I didn’t think it was. I legitimately thought I was going to die.With my eyes sputtering out a tsunami of tears,I guzzled the colourless liquid from the transparent bottle and drank till there was only around 20 percent left. 

The whole thing rushing down my windpipe in one giant gulp. The second I was done with this I started freaking out. My throat burned and I felt this warm, icky wave of nausea steadily creep up on me.

You see, I stupidly didn’t wager that it would take so long.My juvenile brain had been expecting the job to be done quick and painlessly. This was neither and now my paranoid brain started whizzing like an unstoppable slot machine. I started panicking, remembering this post I had read online by this guy who recounted how his failed attempt at ingesting pills for suicide resulted in a highly painful stomach pumping experience and a life time of painful and uncomfortable digestion. I wasn’t prepared for that.I couldn’t not die and also end up with more issues on top of the ones I already did.

In a mad rush against time, I scrambled to get my phone and performed a quick Google search-what to do if you eat poison. The most frequently suggestions were to call poison control and to induce vomiting. Since, I couldn't really do the first one, I made way to the toilet and thankfully to my minor stint with bulimia (and they said eating disorders aren’t useful, pfft) , I knew exactly how to do the latter. Quickly, I shoved my fingers down my throat and attempted to force my alimentary canal to defy gravity. I alternated between this and ramming my toothbrush down my mouth and lo and behold, spurts of translucent chemical gush forth from my mouth like a faulty tap. 

At this point, I had progressed to full blown sobbing. I wasn’t able to successfully eliminate all the toxic liquid from my body and the purge had just resulted with me hiccuping incessantly and my stomach gurgling uncontrollably. Also, my mouth had a horrible aftertaste. Overall, I felt repulsive and sick and also glaringly aware of my soon to be (in my head) death.

In my misery studded mind, I made peace with my fate and decided that were I to to die, I had to make sure I hurt everyone who ever hurt me just as much as. I wanted them to feel guilty. Afterall, my death couldn’t just end with a bunch of people feeling sorry for me and the people who had done me wrong to not experience any of the anguish I had. So, I put pen to paper and began to scribble on an old English paper-my first suicide letter.

At the time, I didn’t know it was to be my first, of course. I thought it was my one and only. I dedicated this atrocious piece of writing to virtually everyone who meant anything to me in my life. Ex best friend? Obviously mentioned. Brother? Definitely to blame. Friend who cared but not enough? Special shout out.

But the star of the show, the main dedication of the bitterness fuelled literary rampage was  one person-my lovely mother. Like I said, not a bad person.  But just not compatible with me, to put it nicely. Anyway, the body of this letter revolved around her and how all the events of my interactions with her had materialised into this blame. If any one was to be guilt ridden after this entire ordeal, I wanted to make sure that it was her. 

Everyone else got a few sentences or a paragraph, but my mom, well she got pages and pages of my teen angst and venom against her. In fact, the opening of this abysmal note started off with something like, ‘’In case I don’t wake up tomorrow’’ (I wasn’t sure how effective the ‘’poison’’ would be. In hindsight, not at all), ‘’ you (mother) should know that YOU are to blame for all of this’’.

Pretty dramatic, am I right? Anyway, I don’t really remember more of what happened in the note, but basically, you get the idea of how it went, ok? 

So, yeah, after penning that intense piece of literature, I willed myself to go to sleep and hopefully die painlessly in my slumber. Or not. I wasn’t sure at this point whether I wanted to survive or not. Probably the most anxious sleep I was getting. After all, I didn’t know whether I was going to wake up the next morning or not.

Spoiler alert: I did. With relief.

And I tore up the note immediately. I think my mother had already read some of it but I am not sure if I remember entirely. I recall sitting in the car with her as she drove and a passing mention was made of it and all I said was that I had written a story in my notebook. And that was it. Did she believe me? Or did she simply not care enough? Or maybe her brain could not even begin to register that I was capable of performing such an abominable task. I don’t know. I wonder though, if she ever stays up at night wondering about what it meant. What any of it was.

I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even remember. I do. 

And that, brings to a complete, the pointless rambling of me and my first suicide note. 

good bye.

(we’ve reached the end. im not gonna go kill myself...right now. lol. maybe/ ok bye)

[silverskye13]

What's the differences between your characterizations for Grillby and Gaster in CR, Bodyguard AU and Tell God and the Devil? :) I love how you write them, and they feel like different people.

Hah good ! I try really hard to diversify them ! I tend to fall into a lot of the same traits, but I do try to make them decently different!

CR! Grillby: Nervous and unsure, with a strong sense of purpose and loyalty. He's like a very grim golden retriever. Very resigned to the way the world works and how it effects him. Needs a pep talk and a hug. Lawful Nuetral. I wanted him to be outwardly the grim soldier stereotype only for us to be in his head all the time and realize oh no wait, he's just a scared nerd. Whoops.

CR! Gaster: Mischievous and always in over his head. Likes the idea of adventure and trouble until it happens, and then immidietely regrets his decisions. Very strong sense of integrity, naturally curious, thinks everything in this world is inherently good. Chaotic Good. I wanted him to be the "naive and kind" stereotype only to prove later he intentionally chooses to be that way, and it doesn't make him any less logical or smart.

BAU! Grillby: Texted someone the 😑 emoji once and decided he wanted to look like that. Has a very dry and morbid sense of humor and thinks it's hilarious it makes people uncomfortable. Takes his job very seriously and his charges even more so. Probably worked for the mafia once. Lawful Nuetral. I want him to be like, a very dorky James Bond kinda character lol.

BAU! Gaster: "IM TOO GAY AND FRAGILE TO DEAL WITH THIS BULLSHIT." Probably thought when the King said "hey this work is dangerous you sure you're up for this?" That he was joking. Very clueless civilian. Thinks violence is scary and yet managed to wind up in the most violent industry known to monserkind. Nuetral Good. I want him to be stupidly loveable. Endearingly breakable. Someone please save him.

TGatD! Grillby: As bitter as the coffee he drinks - and he normally burns his coffee. Very "woe-is-me guess I have to deal with this shit now" kind of character. He's still pleasant, but only because social norms dictate it. If he didn't have anyone to impress he would probably be a jerk. Lawful Nuetral. I want him to really emulate the tired grit that his time period was known for. That "we work hard because we have to" mentality.

TGatD! Gaster: Incredibly passionate about the safety of the other miners despite how hard it makes his life. Is one of those people who was always looking for a cause to fight for and boy he found one! Generally a good person but isn't afraid to cross a clearly drawn line if it means doing what he thinks is right. And he's crossed some pretty bold lines before. Chaotic Good. I want him to kind of exude the idea of a hard fight against hard circumstances. The spirit behind fighting for your rights, picketing. That idea that to survive without people taking advantage of you, you have to push back against them. Sometimes those pushes are rather benign. Sometimes, not so much.

I really like going into making characters with like, a vague idea of how they would foil against each other or the plot. Or I like to figure that out really quickly as I go. One or two chapters in, it's a good groundwork to have! Because you get to explore how that dynamic can go right [ or go wrong ] as your plot and ideas progress! Makes the unplanned portion of writing really fun lol