#im ill and i know what i wanna sa i just dont know if it's coming out right

[thecommanderzoe]

Hanji will be always with you through your thick and thin. -Phrase meme

A word or Phrase for a headcanon || Accepting

Through thick and thin.

For Hanji this phrase is loyalty and understanding. It something she is big on. It's okay to question things, but to stand by someone whether you agree or not. For example; Levi's choice with the serum. She may not have made the same choice in the moment, but she supported Levi in his choice, she stood beside him and shouldered the consequences with him.

She is there to pick up the pieces of those that have thinned around her. She didn't have any qualms about teaming up with Pieck, Reiner, Magath, and Annie. She might not have had such a thick bond with them, but their shared interests aligned enough for her to give them the chance.

During her time as Commander, there was a moment she was doing it without Levi while he was with Zeke. You can see the difference in her. This is the toughest part of her life and she doesn't have her support there. The way she reacts seeing him by the river, how she lied about his death, and nursed him back to health. These two are the physical notion of through thick and thin.

[vipersiia]

XYX HEADCANONS

i have recently joined the bloomic discord and talked abt xyx, with,,, so many people and here r my headcanons, there are,,, a Lot of them and they are so so so fluffy i promise

OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL - he has such a thing for petnames, and will Melt if u reciprocate

absolute pro at not being able to take what he can dish out, dont fret though, he absolutely builds a tolerance

ironically uses terrible pet-names in public, if you use some on him he Will make it a competition and he Will win ("snookums here wants a refund on this." "yes sorry, mcdreamy here said it didn't look good on me" "oh schmoopy , how you wound me i did not sa that")

xyx is such a people-pleaser, so he Knows what you like and what you don't, he'll keep an eye on your expressions subtly ("hey babe why is there so much snack you really like in our pantry?" "it was on sale!")

he will Spoil you, he's not the type to spend a lot of money on himself but on You?? oh you better watch out

still careful with his money but if you're eyeing that bag, or pair of shoes, or poster, he will buy it for you.

even if you off-handedly comment wanting something, expect it in your arms Soon ("i saw this really cool poster at the mall today?" "oh really? what did it look like doll?" "it was like, of my favourite character holding their love interest" "oh thats very cool" schemes)

will absolutely do the evil villain chair in dark thing with Cat if you come home late ("i've been,, expecting you" "babe its 1 am what are you doing up?")

he knows your favourite drink, exactly how you like it, and it tastes perfect everytime. YOU NEVER TOLD HIM EITHER, he just had you try a buncha things and watched your reactions ("hey love, im trying out a new recipe, wanna try?" "of course!")

dont think about it but seeing him playing with cat, watching the muscles in his arm flex??? him Noticing you noticing and flexing a lil harder, before going all out, Cat meowing indignantly over his bicep???

stop thinking about xyx coming home from work, seeing you and Cat cuddling on the couch?? being so in love that he scored someone as amazing as you?? he is just, so so so, in love with you at the moment?? that he just, comes over, picking u both up and twirlin you around. Cat immediately, outraged bats him the face but he doesn't notice because you're giggling so hard rn

if he's meeting your parents??? ohhh be prepared, he is such a smooth talker and hes Proud. He comes in, nicest most neutral cologne, nice powersuit, a subtle chain necklace with your initial???

he is All smooth talk, keepin an eye out for any cues of like or dislike on topics, always complimenting whoever cooked

when getting to the Interrogation? oh he's Ready ("so what do you do for a living" "oh well i work as a lawyer, it makes me elated to be able to provide for mc like i can" "nice, nice" *visibly impressed*)

the car ride home after??? oh he is Menace, he is all grins, puffin out his chest like a bird ("doll they loOoooveee me" "did you see that? arent you proud love?") you're gonna have to keep saying yes but its okayyy because you're both sickeningly in love with eachother

him being hella cheesy, tellin u one day ("hey doll, i bet i can hold the entire universe in my hands" "what??") and immediately cupping your face??? pulling you into a soft kiss??

you keeping that in ur mind,,, ready to strike back?? sitting on the couch with him laying between them, cheek pressed into your thigh as you both play with Cat? when Cat leaves, leaning down and cupping his face in your hands??? ("you are so gorgeous babe") and he goes Red (mc - 1 / xyx - 4million), his breath Stops.

leaning down to kiss him??? catching him even more off-guard?? absolute knock-out. he tries so hard to play it off ("ill never be as gorgeous as you doll") but being sooo off his game? so caught off guard??

a sunshower happening, cue you, dancing in the rain like a madman??? him coming over and seeing you?? glad u cant see him because he is Positive he looks so sappy rn. eventually meeting his eye?? running up to him and grabbing him by the hand?? leading him into the rain?? he immediately takes over the dance, spinnin and twirlin you around.

pulling you into his arms?? arms resting on your hips as you grab him by the face?? pulling him into a kiss???? laughter breaking out between you two, as he peppers your face in kisses??

doing research on filipino wedding customs, finding out that you traditionally ask the parents for their blessing

ASKING XYX'S PARENTS FOR THEIR BLESSING?? going over to their house for a dinner plan, getting him distracted and asking his parents for their blessing??? planning the wedding with them??? burning the unity candle?? the rice toss?? the money dance???

at the altar, can't even get though the first line of his vows before he cries ( "and i, xyx tak-" *literally sobbing*)

DOING HARANA FOR HIM??? getting all the members of the bloomic server to participate, as you sing his praises? good at singing or not he is so choked up in giggly, hands over face ugly bawling

lighting the unity candle with him is a whole ordeal, neither of you can stay still long enough to keep the flame steady, almost lighting the tablecloth on fire

him holding you as close as you can fit against him?? teary eyed all over again because wow, he cant believe that you really wanted to marry him??

post first dance, as the night wanes, hiding behind the couples table, on the floor, in his arms??? as he feeds u mango sticky rice and vice versa???

sayin sum cheesy shit like ("oops i missed a spot, hold still love") before leaning in for a kiss??? not realizing the photographer AND videograper saw this and got it all in 4k??

the discord prompts that inspired me, thank u i luv u all(real)

[elliessession]

𐙚 - This fic is based on a song called "die for you" by the weeknd !! -> cursing ! slight mention of sa ! fighting ! mentions of alcohol !

ೀ - an -> this is my first time writing againn, i quitted writing for like a year agoo, anyways this fic is fluff !! Enjoyy!

☠︎︎༒︎✞︎🕸𖤐

Ellie had been always overprotective when it comes to you. Shes also protective to her friends or to anyone she loves but not when it comes to you its just different.

"Where are you going?" The auburn haired girl asked "hm, just going out with my friends why?" you asked while finishing your make up "your going alone?" she said sarcastically "err.. i mean its your day off and you've been working your ass off, i dont wanna bother you" you said finishing your mascara "y'know im not letting you go out without me, right?" She slurs "i know els.. but i just want you to rest okay?" you say calmly your tone so convincing she said "fine, but dont forget to text me okay?" She says "mhm" you hum receiving a text from your friend saying theyre on their way to your apartment, you started getting ready finding the right heels that matches your dark red dress. You go to ellie asking her "hey babe, watcha think?" You say smiling at her "you look great, oh my god i cant let you go out alone wearing that" she says softly laughing "i mean.. you can go with me if you want to, i just really want you to rest for now" you say looking at her "its fine baby, i trust you but send me the bar you're going at and I'll pick you up around 11pm" you gave her a genuine smile before kissing her "alright ill write the bar down on a piece of paper" you say going to your desk to write the bar down, you feel your phone vibrate in your purse, you received a text from your friend saying theyre already outside your apartment waiting for you in the car, "els, here.. heres the bars name, i gtg my friends are there! Love ya!" You say kissing her gently before going to meet your friends.

After 20minutes you and your friends arrived at the bar, you being greeted by the loud music, people chatting here and there the white and red light illuminating. You liked this feeling, the feeling of being out with your friends, drinking with them and just having fun at all.

Your friend scarlet suddenly grabbing your arm "hey! Lets go inside shall we?" You nod while smiling at your friend, you and your 3 other friends go inside the bar and oh it was loud as hell but you just shrug that feeling off and went to the counter with your friends "hey ladies, what drink are y'all ordering?" The bartender asked, your friend layla whos one of your trusted and closest friend said "uhh, we'll have 2 daiquiri and 2 gimlet!" she said. After a few minutes of waiting the drinks were served your friend layla saying thankyou to the bartender and handling y'alls drink, you take a sip from your drink daiquiri and boy did it taste good.

And minutes later you guys were drunk real drunk to the point all of you are just talking gibberish, you thought everything was going great but boy you were wrong, you guys were approached by 2 tall guys and one of the guys started introducing his self to you and your friend suddenly splurts out "dude, fuck off she has a girlfriend, shes into girls" your friend layla laughing as she says it a guy also tried to flirt with layla but shes just too drunk to talk, plus you also did the same you told the guy to fuck off and just flirt with your other 2 friends, well you and layla are the only gay ones there the other two? Scarlet and Leah well theyre straight but very supportive.

And after you knew it Leah and Scarlet were gone they went with the 2 tall guys and layla? Oh she passed out..thats how drunk she got, you laughed and took your phone out to take a picture of layla to send it to ellie, you looked at the time and it shows "10:36pm" 'ellie is probably gonna be here any minute now' you think to yourself, you just sat at the counter waiting for ellie to reply but she never did, 'she probably fell asleep' you say to yourself and at this point you've kinda sobered out.

A few moments later a guy went up to you flirting and asking you some questions which made you very uncomfortable. You already made it very clear that you're a lesbian and you have a girlfriend "dude, can you leave me alone. I have a girlfriend and yes im into girls, now leave me alone." You irritatedly spurts out "alright, angel chill, i can change you.. you just need my dick and you'll be good" this made you very angry and very very uncomfortable. "Dude fuck off will ya? I do not like you and you are making me uncomfortable." You say, the guy the suddenly grabbed you by the arm and led you to a slightly not crowded area, you tried to get off his grip but you cant. You feel helpless at this point hes trying to kiss your neck until.. there she was, the auburn girl punching the guy so he'll let go of you. "Els! w-what are you doing here?" You screamed "I'll talk to you later baby, gotta teach this fucker a lesson" ellie then punched the guy again knocking him down, ellie then went on top of the guy and started choking the guy. You got scared ellie might kill the guy and you were also crying at this point "ellie! Els! No baby stop you're gonna kill him!" You screamed while sobbing, ellie heared your sobs she let go of the guy and started hugging you "hey baby? y'alright?" She says.

You just sobbed on her arms and say "y-yes im fine ellie... but you literally just almost unalived a guy.." you say, ellie then hugs you tighter "oh angel.. i should've unalived him, he literally assaulted you." Ellie said her voice still filled with anger..

"Oh angel.. you dont know the things i would do for you."

"i would die for you.. i would kill for you my baby.."

[thesimulacrasimp]

So yeah, here we go again! I just watched 3rd n 4th eps of hazbin hotel so, again, my thoghts abt it. Idk if i really need to put spoilers warning anymore, but ig ill do it just in case. As with previous post there will be some screenshots.

HAZBIN HOTEL EP 3-4 SPOILERS WARNING!

So tbh i dont have much to say about 3rd ep. Overall it was a really cute ep where everyone kinda got along. Also we met alot of new overlords (that one giant wolf girl was cool as hell) n got a few bop songs. I really like all new voices we got here. Also Velvette was killin in this ep, like slay queen!! Also i didnt know this girl (idk her name srry) was Carmillas (idk if spelled the name correctly--) daughter, that really suprised me.

Ok 4th ep... I have alot to say about it. First of all when that Angels moive started i was like: WTH S GOIN ON WHAT????? Then i thoght that its Angels dream (or nightmare-) n that wolf guy was representation of Valentino. N then when its all started i was like: Oh. I get it.

Speaking about Val, when all that fire started n he opened his wings, that was FUCKING BEAUTIFUL N I REALLY DIDNT EXPECT HIM TO HAVE ACTUAL WINGS, I WAS LIKE: :O I FOR REAL ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A FUR COAT--- ok n thats literally the only good i can say about Val by now.

That one awful scene with Val n Angel was literally so scary... Ive never been in SA, ive never had such "experience" (and thank GOD for that), but i know that feeling of fear when you just in trap and you cant do anything, i know how that feels to be abused, when you just hiding in corner feeling so fucking scared that you gonna get beated up n yelled again, you KNOW that will happen and you just wait for it in terrify, you literally feel yourself like a little child who cant do anything, you want to share your problems to someone, just wanna cry to someone, but you cant and you need to pretend that everything is okay. I was so scared for Angel in that scene and i really felt it. And the way Angel tried to make Charlie leave before that all happened.. Yes, he definetly knew whats gonna happen n thats so scary...

Anyway OMG VOX HIIII!!!!!! :DDDD

BTW THE FACT THAT HES HOLDING VALS HAND LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO KISS IT----- THIS SHIP IS TAKING OVER MY BRAIN PLS SEND HELP

Yeah, yknow what really strange thing about all that? Is the fact that Val s obviously a horrible person consindering all the things he done to Angel, but he is still an ENJOYABLE CHARACTER. Like- ofc that awful abusive scene was not enjoyable at all, but for some reason i just cant hate him!! I TRY BUT I JUST CANT N THATS SO WEIRD. probably its because i know its not a real person, its just a character but still-

Also (someone pls count how many times i used this word-) i really didnt expect to see an ACTUAL SEX SCENES IN THE SONG. Ig i shouldve expect it n i kinda did, but i still didnt-

Also this little scene made me fucking cry, for real. But not the fact that Angel crying made me cry, but his line: "If i end up broken, I wont be his favourite toy anymore. And maybe he'll let me go.."

I dont know why this exact line made me cry, but it did and i think this is awesome, because they really made me care for Angel, even tho, again, ive never experienced such feelings so i cant relate to that, but i still feel so bad for him.

Ok can we talk about that Husk was AN OVERLORD??? I WAS LIKE: WHAAAAATT????

And OF COURSE that one Husk n Angels song. You already know how i feel about it so im not even gonna talk bout it! SIKE‼️I WILL!!!!! THIS SONG IS SO FRICKIN CUTE, THE FACT THAT HUSK STARTED TO JOKINGLY (or maybe not jokingly-) SAYING THAT ANGEL IS A LOSER TO BRIGHT HIM UP IS ACTUALLY SO SMART! THEYRE BOTH SO CUTE TOGETHER SINGING AND HOLDING HANDS FOR A LITTLE TOO MUCH!!! AND THIS SONG IS MUSICALLY ALSO SO AMAZING, ITS LITERALLY MY STYLE OF SONGS, MAYBE MY NEW FAV SONG I CANT REALLY TELL RN! And the meaning of this song is really good too. Whatever is happening to you, unless youre not alone, everything is better!

Andddd everything is ended quite good and wholesome! They came to the hotel, Charlie apoligized and everything is good!!

soooo yeah! Thats it i guess! Im pretty sure im gonna edit it if i remember something else i wanted to say, but thats it by now!

My review/thoughts on eps 1-2

My review/thoughts on eps 5-6

My review/thoughts on eps 7-8

[arsenicflame]

what should i do with my robe fabric? an uncomfortably long write up and a poll (since i have polls now)

id really appreciate if you could take the time to give some input, even if you dont read all my writing and just skip to the voting! the writing is mostly me explaining my ideas, buf you can totally skim it and get the idea

the fabric is here, so its time to plan

i think im down to two main options, screen accurate robe or a historically accurate one- accurate is a general term here, ultimately ill do what i want with little care for being exact, but as an overview, thats the idea split. there was a fleeting idea i might do some other style of robe, but i never found anything i exactly vibed with (if you wanna vanilla extract it though, feel free to drop other suggestions in the replies)

screen accurate (SA)

a lot of my information for this comes from this blog post, its excellent research and covers just about everything. honestly theres not much i can say that isn't already written on there, and anyway, its the robe. you know the robe.

its necessary to note at this point i already plan to stray a little from screen accuracy on my lining. the SA lining is quite a vibrant pink, but to compliment my personal wardrobe more, im learning towards a dusky pink or almost maroon colour (im visualising the robe fabric background colour but a little darker, but itll depend on what i can actually find in my local shop)

this one will also require buying another fabric on top of the lining (an orange for the piping) and making or sourcing tassels if i decide to have them (up in the air as i am bound to catch them on things)

a big appeal to this version for me is the box pleat in the back- it allows for more volume, more movement, while still sitting right and keeping the silhouette. i do like volume in my garments

its probably a more technical build than a HA one, just on the neck binding and kinomo sleeves, but it should still be pretty straight forward

historically accurate (HA)

historically, the SA version seems to be based on wrapping gowns. a very simple construction, cut all in one big length (though, as on the SA i would have a seam at the shoulder so the print isn't upside down) this image gives both a good idea of pattern and silhouette

the wrapping gown is generally quite a loose fitting garment, and is very simple in its cutting. its all straight lines, and all triangles and rectangles. theres a couple of different options in the cutting, but im thinking as flared as i can make it (with or without piecing) at the hem, and also maybe some flare on the cutting of the sleeve to make it wider at the wrist without affecting mobility

wrapping gowns do typically have a small collar up near the neck, similar to the way the SA one is, but it only wraps around a short distance, not to halfway down the body as the SA does

this is obviously a much easier pattern, in my research ive seen people complete this in a day. my main concerns for me personally are in the flare and in the fit. i like a good swoosh and im not sure that ill get that in this (but not certain. some look quite full).

while it is designed to be an unfitted garment, it still has some fitting. im a little concerned that to give myself enough room around the chest i will end up with quite a dropped shoulder (shoulder seam sitting down the arm) and im not a huge fan of that. these are all things id figure out in a mockup, but it has me hesitating to go that way

here are some research links, if you care to read a bit more

video by nicole rudolph, wrapping gown talk starts at 18:27

the difference between banyan and wrapping gown

pinterest board with various historical pictures

a sort of tldr;

heres a basic look at what the patterns look like. as you can see the HA one is far more simplistic in shape

if youve been following any of my sewing projects youll know i have a tendency to make things take far longer than they really need to, so obviously a simpler garment that uses mostly techniques i already know is a huge appeal rather than a far more complicated and out of my comfort zone project. but i have concerns about the fit of the HA, and there is just something so appealing to making the SA version....

obviously. whichever path i pick i have a lot more research to do, and with OFMD now being on iplayer ill definitely be watching the episodes it appears in the get a better idea of how it should sit myself.... but for now

[cocoa-nutzoveryou]

if i dont get into high honors what am i even doing here. Pagod na pagod nako lord. As in, di ko na tlga kaya. Tinitry ko nmn best ko eh pero bat di ko parin nagegets yung lesson. Nagpuyat ako kakaaral sa isang subject pero bakit ganun parin mga scores ko. Nakakapagod nmn tlga eh, di ko na tlga kaya. Yall are out here joining clubs, the sportsfest, academically succeeding and all that, pero why is it no matter how hard i try im never good at anything? Ive been playing guitar for 4 years and im still horrible at plucking. Ive been trying really hard to train my voice pero its still horrible, my range is just not it. And my academics was the only thing i was good at, but now i can see my downfall. I dont know what to do, im exhausted. Im really tired. I know ive said this same line for the past month pero its true, im really really tired. I dont think i cant take this anymore. Ive been giving out every ounce of love, effort, and trust but why does it feel like i can never deserve the same? Why does it feel like no matter how hard i try, ill fall even harder. And if im failing inside, i try to focus on the outside. My look aren't the best, im overweight, my face isnt small, and i hate all my body features. People can say im overreacting for all i care, pero i just wanna pour this out. Im tired of being the "former presi", im tired of being "the rest", im tired of being the "tryhard", and im tired of being an embarrassment.

It feels like in this race called life, im getting left behind, getting trampled over just for their benefit to reach the finish line, and whenever i try to get up i fall back on my face. I hate that small voice that always tells me "You arent good enough, you should just die", "Everyone who you think cares about you is just pretending, they're doing this out of sympathy, they feel bad for you existing". I GET IT. I GET THAT IM SLOWLY LOOSING THE FIRE, I GET THAT IVE NEVER LOOKED AS PRETTY OR SKINNY AS THEM, I GET THAT ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE BEEN AVOIDING ME, I GET WHY MY FAMILY THINKS OF MY AS AN EMBARASSMENT, BUT I DONT NEED A DAILY REMINDER TO MYSELF OF EACH LITTLE THING I DO. i know im a failure god damnit, i just wish i wasnt.

[trolldollinoveralls]

playing a game called 'do i sexualize my regression (bad) or do i just not know the difference between being submissive and in sub/puppy space and being baby brained (not as bad but somewhat concerning)' someone tell me the difference i just wanna be taken advantage of by someone with my best interest at heart cmon

cw: kinda (very) venty after the cut

trying to escape the trenches of ageplay/agere/cgl/cglre/abdl/ddlb discourse in my 20s while actively being kidcore asf irl and soso little brained has proven to be much harder than i ever expected . ive had moments where it feels so much better to just be small and not worry about anything since i was 16-17 ,, and when i didnt let myself it would be like a weak thumping on a closed door in my head and its all i can focus on sometimes bc im so burnt out from life . its exhausting being alienated from communities like sa survivors and age regressors who ive listened to and completely understand where theyre coming from and in some aspects relate to , because ive spent enough time trying to learn where i belong myself . im all for protecting urself from harmful things like p3dos and m+ps -- i do not condone p3dophilia whatsoever -- but for people like me (if there are any) that have just a part of them needing to be comforted and treated delicately (thinking on it i might have peter pan syndrome ill come back to it lmao) like is it really ageplay if im not playing this is just how i am in my adult body ?? idk doesnt everyone want to be saught after and adored ? doesnt everyone wanna be secure that the person they want to be with likes every part of them ? its really easy to pick on the doms/cgs for being the one with all the control but when u shame well meaning carers out of liking things i have to live with within myself whats left for the subs/littles/babies in this ? u know ?? if any of that sounds problematic or concerning ill add another preface : i do not approve of or condone anything that implies or could perpetuate harm to actual children who are not able to consent to adult activities . im just hoping im not the only one that relates to all sides while also not technically belonging to any ? if it sounds like i do and u know whats wrong with me my dms are open but please dont abuse it

DNI IF UNDER 18

[bitc0insteven]

+emmy+

+mood visualizer // davey - next in line

your home boi back at it again with yet another late af life update becos the ano the life kasi pare HAHAHHAHAH anywayss hello universe, been a whileee whiiiiie!

everything is slowly going bacc to normal and i am in a love-hate situation with this setting. i like dis shet because i can finally go out with friends and hug em and have coffee dates with em and yenno do typical things we do pre pandemic. but this red school thingy jahsfdgkjasfdgajksdf i dont even wanna talk about it man o my gawd. Kaya pala madali makapasok di2 kasi ang hirap pala makaalis HAHAHAHHAJGSDKJAGSDFKJASH 

// mechanicaaaal engineeeeringhuhu

Currently on my 5th year and all i can say is damn ang hirap naman papi lods HAHAHHA kung kelan umunti subj saka naman humirap ang everyone everytime everywhere at everything HAHAHHAHAHAH anywayss still lucky for my friend because they make all of this mess bearable. I am looking forward to finishing this course soooonest. Fingers crossed that everything will go as planned becos di ko na alam HAHHAAH 

PS2 and COMPRE be gud 2 me naman mga acla :))))))

// raaki chan

i love you my pup wala ako masasabi at di mo naman to mababasa pero i really enjoy going home because of u. i hope you grow fatter and fluffier and cute and plis wag ka na mag wiwi sa room ko lawak na lawak ng bahay HAHAH love you doggooo mwa mwaaa!!

// sad bois club

i cant believe that we are actually going different ways becos of this red school hahahah di na tayo nakakalabas masyado because of the schedule but im still happy that we doin the things that we have 2 do and prioritize the stuff that actually matter. 

for now tiis muna tayo sa ating dates sa jabi tuwing friday at madaming gawain sadya HAHAHHAh again, more kopi shap dates mga bayot labyu gaiz 

to Z4LDX thank you pi always lalo na sa pagkuha ng water lily forda PS2 mwa. Salamat sa pag dayo ng inom di2 sa bahay lagi labyu bhi3

to P4MC i labyu pero wag ka patamad tamad plizzzz i belib in u the bff almighty alam kong kayang mo lahat yan extra effort sa mga bagay bagay ang need u at tandaan mo all ears kami lagi labyu mwa mwa

// dabeh

i never told u eversince how i am thankful to have u as a brother. kahit di ako vocal ay i know that u feel it naman lagi ko sinasabi na i labyu at tunay yon HAHAHAH salamat sa pagsalo always rooting for u dabeh mwa mwa d2 lang ako kahit lagi ka naman natulog sa inuman di ka pa mautas HAHAHAHHAHAHAH

// mam :))))))

i know that everything is kinda awkward and unclear but i just wanna let u know that my intentions are clear and i reaaaaally like u pi wag mo ko sabihan na babae becos HAJHAGSDKJAGHSDJHAS BENT NGA DIBA TANGA MO NAMAN MAM HUHUHU MISS U LOVE U HAHAHA i hope that u achieve what u deserve dito lang muna ako sa gild tahimik na inaadmire ka hehehhehhehehe yun lang gl po hahajgskjaghsdjfkhasjhfd

// ailuuuughh

miiiiii hahahhaa wala na din ako masabi sayo lalo na sa kabaitan mo sakin hayss baka crust mo ko ha HAHHAHA i enjoy spending time with u esp yung mga kape shet naten i know you do great thought di ko nasasabi sayo. thank you always for having my back ill be you clyde, ill be your sonny! mwa mwa

// 04 fam

nothing makes me happier than seeing my friends achieve their goals. little by little napapatunayan na natin ang mga kakayanan natin. i am very proud of how 04 fam is doing in lyyyyf soon engineer na tayo lahat. next in line na tayo huhu cant wait!!! CONGRATS nga pala kay madam at rueeeeeel tanginanyooo mamaaaaaaaw!!!! SANA PALARIIIIN!

anywaaaays yan lang muna HAHAHAHHA brb ulit next year or years bahala na bye aral na KO EME hahahahahhahahahha MWA MWA GUYS C U SOON

BITC0000IN +030623+ // 12:59 A.M.

[eternallyhyucks]

jaded | choi yeonjun

requested by anon <3

pairing: friend! yeonjun x gn! friend! reader

word count: 913

genre/warnings: angst/fluff , light swearing

summary: in which yeonjun confesses his feelings for you, but you dont believe in love

𖤐 ྀ

“hey do you wanna go get food tonight?” you heard yeonjun say through your phone speaker

“sure, what time?”

“is 6 okay?”

“yup i’ll be ready, can you pick me up?”

“of course, love”

“yeonjun please dont call me that”

“oh.. um okay sorry”

you hung up the phone and sat on your bed. ‘love’. why would he say that to you?

why does he keep saying these kinds of things to you? you liked yeonjun, you really did. the two of you had been friends for almost 2 years and yet, a single word was tripping you up again.

shaking your head, you assume you made it all up and began getting ready. about 20 minutes later, you finished and laid on your bed, waiting for yeonjun to call you.

soon enough your phone buzzed as your screen lit up to your friend’s name. you pick up and begin gathering your things

“im on my way down!”

“alright see you”

you thought you heard disappointment in his voice, but once again, you chose to believe that you had made it all up in your head.

the second you settled yourself into yeonjun’s car, the air felt tense. it felt like he had something on the tip of his tongue, but he couldnt bring himself to say it.

not being able to handle it anymore, you speak up. “yeonjun is something wrong?”

as if he had been waiting for you to ask, he immediately responds with, “no. why..”

“there’s definitely something up, what is it??” you say looking at him

he scoffed and turning his head to look at you for a second. “are you serious y/n? havent i made it obvious enough?”

confused, you reply “what? what have you made obvious??”

“oh my god, y/n, i like you. a lot. i constantly flirt with you because i like you. i give you flirty pet names because i like you. i do so many things because i fucking like you. and yet you choose to ignore it. if you dont like me back, just tell me. i wont be butthurt about it, all i want if for you to talk to me about it.” he sighed before quietly adding “do you like me back?”

you did. you really liked yeonjun and you always have but the idea of love scared you so much that you pushed your feelings down. you had pushed them down so low that the thought of it sounded like a joke to you. love was a joke to you now.

taking a second to collect your thoughts, you turn to yeonjun and look him in the eyes. “no. i dont like anyone and i never will. i dont believe in love, yeonjun. it doesnt exist to me.”

yeonjun knew you too well to believe a single word you had just said to him. he pulled the car into a parking lot, smiling as he took your hand in his and replied “y/n stop lying to yourself. i know damn well that you believe in love. i also know you want it and i want to give it to you”

“you dont understand, yeonjun, ive watched my friends get their hearts broken and i dont want to go through that” you say staring at your shoes

carefully lifting your head up, yeonjun looked you in the eyes. “i wont break your heart, y/n, i promise. i would never, ever do that to you. i care about you too much to even think about doing that”

“you’re saying that now, but you never know, you could end up hurting me later.”

“do you really believe i would hurt you?” he said sadly

“well .. no? yes? maybe? i dont know yeonjun”

“y/n, give me a chance, give US a chance! if you dont want to be with me after some time i’ll be okay with it. it’s all up to you.” he pleads

should you do it? should you give into him and try being in love with someone? would he really hurt you? your thoughts were going crazy, but in the end you made a decision.

“okay.. ill give it a chance”

“really???” yeonjun said shocked. “you must really like me then😩” he said teasing you

“i could change my mind right now since you did say it was ‘all up to me’”

“DONT USE MY WORDS AGAINST ME Y/N”

“YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF CHOI” you say giggling

there was a small pause before yeonjun spoke up again, “so .... are we like together or ....” he says awkwardly

“why are you so awkward lol,, yes we are. why else would i give you an emotional speech? and stop being a loser smh”

“you said like six words, y/n?? also, you’re the lo$er here🙄”

“me ????? i still have the upperhand in this relationship right now, remember that”

“oh yeah how could i forget ! ” he said rolling his eyes “well since you have the upperhand, you can pay for the food today, right?”

“of course, yeonjun!! how about instead of sushi we have some ice cream! specifically some mcdonalds soft serve!!” you say smiling extra wide

“Y/N YOU ARE SO CHEAP”

the two of you continued to bicker on the way to the mcdonalds, (in which you bought ice cream, but yeonjun still ended up buying sushi afterwards) but you were glad you decided to be with yeonjun. he made you happy and you were okay with that.

©eternallyhyucks

TAGLIST!

@overthemoonbae , @yejicrossing , @baekswoons , @igsana , @renjunn1es , @junityy , @pr0dbeomgyu , @igyus

—send an ask if you would like to be a part of my taglist!!

[hufflautia]

Slytherin x Hufflepuff Slowburn: Chapter 5 (Part 1) — The Double Tuck // MEME EDITION, PART 1

Putting the keep reading line before the memes to avoid spoiling the chapter for those who didnt read it yet!

BAHAHA, TO THE PEOPLE WHO SAW THIS MEME A FEW DAYS BEFORE CHAPTER 5 POSTED, I HOPE U LAUGHED WHEN IT FINALLY MADE SENSE

mmmm yea kids this is a certainly a red flag😃i love how i searched up smiling teeth emoji so that i could copy and paste it (yes i'm writing this on a computer) and the description of the emoji was “One of the most popular emojis, it shows a face with a big, open smile, showing teeth, and wide eyes. It means happiness, excitement, positiveness, kindness or agreement. We can use it to express support for the other's ideas and make a positive response, but it is mainly used to express happiness.” bro when i use it, it's usually meant to convey the idea of holymotherfuckingofshits, like a im-smiling-but-my-eyes-are-dead.

Me writing the ending of the chapter and knowing how readers will react: https://youtu.be/1px1PcjJ9hI

Ravenclaw after dodging shit that slytherin threw at him after he brought up the quidditch incident:

https://www.google.com/search?q=no+need+to+get+aggressive+meme&sxsrf=ALeKk01UpjKvROq63YidJvznyfxRJ_1iIw:1628732093308&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=_lp7wNJ3f0UpqM%252CjAX2i8IdRRL8gM%252C_&vet=1&usg=AI4_-kQ2c5ZMOo-8F-4UGZzPcvLN6OLCug&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi02uvuq6ryAhUaCc0KHdXLB7sQ9QF6BAgPEAE&biw=768&bih=687#imgrc=hZHjVxMe4L2UZM&imgdii=o6X3757LJjbtt

Lmao speaking of the quidditch incident, yall probably wanna know what happened w slytherin and that gryffindor player. So so basically slytherin was in a quidditch match and he

Ravenclaw after sly tells him that he and huff kissed:

https://www.google.com/search?q=excilant+girl+meme&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjTk42jrKryAhURvKwKHZxBADoQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=excilant+girl+meme&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQA1CVJVidKGDKKWgAcAB4AIABmQGIAaMEkgEDMi4zmAEAoAEBqgELZ3dzLXdpei1pbWfAAQE&sclient=img&ei=KnsUYdPWNpH4sgWcg4HQAw&bih=687&biw=768#imgrc=3g33z8G_WSSwWM

sigh this whole link meme thing is embarrassing bc yall can literally see what i search up. wtf is "excilant girl meme"😭😭

i love ravenclaw, he's an avid slytherpuff shipper and we stan him in this household. He shall be a peak player in the progression of sly and huff’s relationship!

““The last thing I remember is making up with you.””

Slytherin:

Yall:

I know i know, all this angst and your precious hearts cant handle it (or maybe they can. If thats the case….do you want a hug?) But just bear with me, it’ll all work out in the end! Or will it?….getting flashbacks to the time when i was fully committed to killing hufflepuff at the end of the series…………….yeah this is no ordinary love story. LMAO IM PROBABLY GIVING SOME OF YALL A HEART ATTACK, no need to worry my dudes, they WILL have a happy ending:) or will they,..ok im sorry ill stop

Slytherin with his bowl of boiled eggs:

https://www.google.com/search?q=dont+fucking+johnny+test+me+meme&sxsrf=ALeKk01rDRXhS8m-iS_Fa5DZWrmBQ_6XtA:1628732637907&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjArsPyraryAhXPaM0KHeeECE8Q_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=768&bih=687#imgrc=4clTz4VeQkd0HM

Ravenclaw when slytherin gets to the part where he busts in hufflepuff’s room and kicks nick out:

https://www.google.com/search?q=you+wild+reaction+meme&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwio3NDzraryAhVMbK0KHfJ9AUoQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=you+wild+reaction+meme&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQAzoFCAAQgAQ6BggAEAcQHjoGCAAQCBAeOgQIABAYULCZAljSpgJglqgCaABwAHgAgAGQAYgB8Q2SAQM5LjiYAQCgAQGqAQtnd3Mtd2l6LWltZ8ABAQ&sclient=img&ei=4HwUYajsDMzYtQXy-4XQBA&bih=687&biw=768#imgrc=_Ea7Ps9e0_Ja1M

[tobebugjewce]

THE WALTEN FILES: my jumbled notes on my blind run-in with this web series

first off this is gonna be long and unorganized, also this is my second time writing this as i had lost literally half of my progress and im This (imagine two fingers almost touching with a 0.0000000001mm distance between them) close to ripping all of the fucking hair out of my goddamn head. but now this will be extra long and yes, i will lose some accuracy to my first writing but thats okay ill probably edit this a kajillion times over

which brings me to my next tangent; im literally braindumping here. so to have a smidge of organization all afterthoughts, edits and corrections will be boldened, i forgot what im gonna do with italicized text but ill probably bolden it here yeah im pretty sure its for side tangents, separate from Corrections, which are in bold. also theyre for emphasis too.

so in general, this post right here is all of my notes i wrote down on my grid-patterned sticky notes (which i used WAYYYY too much of) about the first 3 uploaded walten files youtube videos transferred onto my handy dandy digital notebook, this b(l)og. yeppers peppers. you know im serious about this shit when i typed probably over like a thousand fucking words including boldened shit, italicized shit and motherfucking links, lost it ALL, and im sitting here re-typing it again.

i feel bad about this but im not gonna trigger warn right here, but this is technically a warning. if you want a list of triggers as to what this post (and the walten files in general) i will link a little list to that here

without further a doo doo, (mama mia) here the fucking fuck we go again.

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #1

clarifying this now, im gonna put some useless shit which i thought was code onto this because even though it was useless it was part of my notes and im physically going to combust if i dont put down every single thing i wrote on my papers. so what i thought was code was in the closed captions, i started writing it down when i got to the second video but came back to my first videos notes to include them. i wrote down the first letter to every word that was capitalized in the closed captions, which i had on as a default because number one i knew going into this id need them because most web horror things like args and cryptic shit like that has some of the most crucial shits in the closed captions. number two i am autistic and have auditory processing issues and have most closed captioning on as a default if theyre available.

firstly jotted, i wrote down the closed captions “code” so im gonna put the rest here too: HYWITB(BSI)Y A(BSI)BJWFKWITW ILHHFSBBSBTLBWI USOISTBNBSFIRBCAWHSHCBWHTAIGRNB*C*BTWLTSFA(20)MCFP ILITIIACPH(1978, 1979)SA(4)YTSCH*C*OGSSU SFTGRPATDBBUTFBNLLCHMIHLBRALLCLAYTUKB*LC*WHATWASTHATTHING 

the numbers in parenthesis are there because i wasnt sure they should be included in the “code” or not. i also thought of this with the BSI - bunny smiles incorporated and also the years 1978 and 1979. the shits in asterisks are coughs and light coughs, which were capitalized in the closed captions so i included them too just in case

i then jotted, in parenthesis of course, the names of the animatronics when they were listed in the animation section of the video; bon aka the blue bunny, sha aka the sheep one, boozoo aka the clown<3 honk<33, and banny aka the purpled eyelashed up one who is also a bunny btw. also i got boozoo the clown and boozoo the mustache guy confused because apparently the clowns name is billy???? but they named “boozoo” in bons sleepover and showed the clown? idk maybe im an idiot and theyre the same or just an idiot and theyre different or a super mega (matt and ryan?!?!??) idiot in general which is probably the case

i started drawing little stars to write down things i thought would be super important or to 100% look at again. the first subject of this pointy torture was the part of the video where at 3:00, i marked it down to make sure to reverse the audio as it was most definitely a weird audio that has that signature warp-y effect that makes sure you KNOW its in reverse. i then listened back to it Very carefully (still got it wrong) and got this: “you finally start to remember. that old doll. they will look out for you soon” im also pretty sure i heard “sophie” at the end of that audio but im not entirely sure and dont remember and i dont wanna go back to check lmfao but anyways it didnt matter because i was wrong anyway. after i had finished all 3 walten files i watched the film theory video on the walten files (which didnt cover all 3 but was dece.) out of curiosity and to hear matpats signature silly little voice explain some stuff i already knew, and click some shit in my brain that i couldve thought up of if i was a bit more... i dont know honestly. anyways yeah so the actual audio is “you finally start to remember. that old day. they will look out for you soon.” so yeah. day, not doll.

i then wrote down “sarah evelyn”, the name on the bons sleepover animation (i dont remember if she created it or animated it or whatnot) and scribbled will she matter? under her name. turns out no, as i didnt see her name in the rest of the series, let alone the first video. this is also a great time to mention how matpat theory helped me realize that the walten files are collections of videos, uploaded onto youtube by anthony. (i already knew about anthony as he signed his name in the descriptions of the youtube videos, making me categorize this overall web series more into an arg type genre.) but yes, the tapes, recorded “irl” footage, animated clips, vhs tape recordings and other audio-visual content is all collected and labeled the walten files, as i had mistaken each video to be a tape. stupid me. alrighty, onward!

i starred this one, good for me; MISSING: Jack Walten LAST SEEN: 06/11/1974

i jotted down with an arrow that; sophie was a nightguard? she was wearing the uniform explained in tape 2 i dont know why but i went back into my video 1 notes after i had watched video 2. organization purposes. i guess.?? 

i then paused the video when the screen flickered a date, the beginning of video footage dated 10/10/1982 (Brian Stells?) god my little genius ass assuming the videographer was brian stells, based on the id card i saw earlier.

i then wrote down what text i saw on the dead, mangled, bloody body in the purple security suit; “i cant feel anything” “he thought i was her” then drew a little arrow pointing to; thought brian was sophie? or ashley? i also starred the name Brian Stells this is totally out of order LMFAOOOOOOOO also i wrote down ashley because, again, my little pea brain went back on my video 1 notes after watching video 2. but yep thats all i wrote for The Walten Files 1 - Company Introductory Tape

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #2 

Tape #1 - created 07/02/1978

awesome how thats first and foremost in the captions. god. so sexy of you martin walls. /j /nsx

this pack of notes is chunkier because again, like i have mentioned before i am an absolute goober and thought the capitalized letters of the words would actually mean something. I MEAN MAYBE THEY DO AND IM JUST DOING IT WRONG but i stopped doing it after this video because holy shit it was exhausting and my stupid little fingers couldnt take the writing anymore becasue i am WEAK. 

so write off the bat (squeak) i wrote down 197[] the blacked out rectangle over the last digit of that year and everything im also now assuming its probably 1978 or 1974 because lore reasons but whos to say but yeah i also wrote down this;

Tape #2 - created 08/13/1978

then, straight up in the beginning of the video i caught it, the flash of text, as i had by now realized i gotta be SUPER stupid focused on the screen in case i miss anything, i wanted to be crazy precise on my theorizing and mental notes, among other things. but yes i saw it, the first half of a youtube link;  “https://youtu” 

claps hands together and rubs them evilly. oh yeah baby. thats the hot lunch. this shit right here? the cats pajamas. lets fucking go.

i wrote down this goofy shit i pasued to inspect when i saw bon sorting through a file cabinet and naturally scribbled down the labels and other written things i could see on the files; 

relocate X/X/75 felix

storage K-9 07/23/1975 felix k(ranken)

Bons Burgers 06/28/1974 Jack Walten

Shipping Service 1975

New Location -> 1982

i also wrote down more goofy shit, like when banny was created for some reason; in 1974

starred, i noted to go back and reverse the audio at 5:09, when played back, i didnt write it down so i dont remember. lmao.

i also marked to screenshot and brighten the darkened image i saw at 5:20, i was going to do it on my phone then realized i can just do it on my computer so i quickly took a screenshot, brightened it and wrote down what i saw; a missing person poster that read MISSING: SUSAN WOODINGS(?) Last seen: 1974 i was very unsure of the spelling of her last name because the image was so goddamn low quality and grainy but its what i saw. this is where tape #3 gets thrown in, which im gonna type again because i like how the formatting looks;

Tape #3 - created 07/09/1978 (BEFORE tape 2?!//1/1??? its more likely than you think)

i wrote down more dates, any dates i saw, i jotted down. i wrote; 

Technical Support 1978 

then, 

Brian Stells (for some reason i dont remember right now)

alrighty this is where the stupid capitalized letters come in, but before it looks like i vomit a keysmash time infinity on this, ill put down the little inbetween things i wrote in the midst of the caps lockalypse like timestamps and stuff, so here you go;

- Reverse at 8:16 which i did but of course didnt write down what i heard. i think it was too warbled to hear anything clear out of it, or it was just the good ol auditory processing issues fucking me over yet again. WAIT yep yes i did here it is: “rosemary would go to the restaurant every night hoping that [her] beloved husband would reappear after being missing for weeks but no response until one day [s]he heard a voice [saying] ‘i know where he is rosie’ coming from the back stage” the bracketed stuff is the corrections, i misheard the audio and thought the audio said “his”, “he” and “singing” like a nimrod

- Brighten at 10:14 which was another missing person poster, but i dont think it had any information on it because i didnt write it down, just;

- Sophie again (pic at 9:08?) (dismemberd and put in Sha) i was stupid and wrong haha idiot it was rosemary who was put in sha but anywho

i starred and underlined a huge thing i discovered which was;

- Walten had 3 kids which i dont remember how i found out but it doesnt matter, its good important info i uncovered.

- Tape #4 - Unkown Date

- recorded 07/12-07/14 1978 

- Hilary B, Ashley P & Kevin W i made sure to get these names down as soon as i saw them on screen but then realized shortly after i wouldnt really need to have it as the closed captions made sure i knew which person was talking by using their first initial (capitalized of course) before each line of text. this is the perfect time to announce the arrival of the clusterfuck of capital letters, which is going to include colons which will indicate that the letter before it is the initial of the person talking. without further aedue, here comes another chinese earthquake;

TCWTSTATO(K-9)TBSSFWFCNEHAWBSUBIUC(BSIIDC)OWHISF INBIJTILNSPL(K-9)LCSCKCCCWTTLTLITTTYROTFAJAMHPYYSTCSPMBBWSBIB H:NTPPCCK:DA:HH:YCPRPMWTCBCRAWK:JH:SYYTCPBACPSTBAWCA:TK(?):FMTTCMK:TCPNOA:DTOFK:ITNPPRA:YBUTIRRFH:HKIBESRAIA:TCK:WA:WPCCFTRRIDPEH:GGK:GPA:LKK:WA:HNCGTKMK:YH:IGKA:ESK:MFH:RK:HILRLBNTRPPUWHITRRTPEIFEPH:YWBEBPK:MAHPBTRPTRPEL(LN)HTACPKLIKHPFITSKLTKLB(LB?)ISIBSUBIPRW AEBATHSPUAICTPURTWBBRPHTRTIIIILTCITCUCCP S(bpe, be)WA”IDCPBPSIB

holy shit its finally over okay now onto some MORE of what i wrote down in between and also after that keysmash attack;

12 doors? (backrooms) 27? 26? i was unsure because ashley was unsure too lmfao

found cassette (6/11/78) <- says “discard”? yeah it did

Tape in clown audio, speaking voice; jack, susan, charles(?), rosemary, sophie, last word sounds like “walrus” it was walten lmfao

Ashley died? yeah she did lmfao OR AT LEAST I THINK SO??

starred this one, Reverse @ 17:06, then got this;

“they left the next day, they thought ashley left early, but she was in the backdoors, screaming as much as she could, but no one heard the screams, the following days the caretakers would complain about an awful smell coming from the backdoors, company decided to shut down facility until new advice, the relocate project was unsuccessful. ashley is still there, but she is not screaming anymore, she saw something she wasnt supposed to see and now shes beautiful” the phrase “shes beautiful” was repeating like a bajillion times in that wall of text. then, god motherfuckng bless: 

at 17:23 i found the other half of the youtube link, “.be/k07QqEDOfQ” i pieced that bad boy together as instant as i think any form of ramen could never be, but remained ever patient. because i made sure to jot down this before moving onto my next segment;

@ end of vid 2, “shadow man sees* me when lights go off” im an idiot *it was actually “feeds” not “sees”, which AGAIN, i only found out after watching the stupid little film theory video *begins snarling and foaming at the mouth*

okay im not proud to admit im editing this to post it and realized ive lost my notes. well. 

might as well post what ive got! if i find my shit ill add onto this, i suppose.

[bbarican]

october 19, 2021; 9:12 am

ive been putting off all of my emotions ever since my family started planning this big change and now that its a day before it actually happens, everythings just starting to crash down on me and i dont know what to do or how to feel exactly

to cut to the chase, my older brother is leaving for florida to continue his schooling there and yung mom ko, ihahatid siya there, meaning my mom will also be gone but for a month lang. my brother on the other hand, well, the big goal is for him to stay there for as long as he needs and wants and hopefully he does, and im just really emotional

im scared for both of them kasi again, may covid parin eh and people in the states are a bit too reckless when it comes to things like this

im really sad kasi my brother wont be here anymore even though he does get on my nerves every time he annoys me; its going to feel so empty without him here making us laugh

im so fucking anxious cause my mom is flying back to the philippines alone

im dreading the fact na i have to now serve as the panganay and also man the fort while my mom is away for a month

im jealous cause i dont get to go with them

but overall, im just really nervous and excited for my brother to get settled in all the way over in florida and for him to do good in school and hopefully, and finally, become the pilot he has always dreamt of being

pair all of that up with the fact that i am drowning with work and i just dont know how to handle everything. right now tbh, i just wanna stay in bed, savor these last 2 days i get to be with my brother, and just not really think about anything else.

all i know is is that my brother and my mom are going to be extra safe there and that ill keep praying for the both of them para lagi talaga silang safe no matter what theyre up to over there.

fuck, im gonna miss my brother so bad. i just know im gonna cry tomorrow afternoon pagkahatid namin sakanya sa airport.

[neveergoodenough]

07272021

making a su1c1d3 note for fun ^^

if you are reading this then, congrats you know how to read! oh and also that im gone

i dont know, im so tired. i feel like theres nothing going right in my life. on the outside i may look like a happy go lucky girl (i am on most days) and privileged one that everyone wouldnt guess that i, want to die.

im turning 23 tomorrow and whats the point really. as i write my anxiety is eating me up. i hate my birthday. i dont understand how anyone can be happy on their birthday. to me its like a reminder that i failed to complete my one goal, to die.

people will cry sure. but i can only count on my hands the people that will actually care, the people that will actually say that my absence left a whole in their life. bcs thats the truth, people will forget you eventually, alive or dead.

i dont think id had a person cry for me. its not an obligation of course but that they care to that extent. i dont really feel like i have friends sometimes. maybe i have 2 or 3 but thats it. the rest will and some already have forgotten me.

i have learned that life really does not have any meaning. we are just organisms bidding our time here on this floating and tainted rock. existing just to suffer. why cant it be my time now?

individual notes:

flo - im sorry. i know we promised each other that we'd go together but i couldnt anymore. i will start building our belle epoque at my destination. dont come so soon yet tho since i will be taking my sweet time planning it out, getting right material, watching the yt vids on how to build, yada yada. so dont catch with me yet. you still have a lot to do there and pls for me, survive and be happy.

ven, ianna, angel - hi besties. thank you for all the support you gave me since day 1. i know na one chat away lg kamo prmi sa bsan ano, so im going need you all to continue to do that with each other. be each other's strength. i wish you all happiness, and im sorry.

la fam x homo - pls continue to pursue something that was once my dream. i have no doubt in my mind that you all will find your own place in this world. thank you for the friendship even tho i slightly distanced myself. im sorry

mama - sorry ma, i have never been the perfect child. often times my selfish and prideful self stood a little higher. this pandemic distanced us even more than before and it might be an excuse but i still feel guilty. take care of your health and make good choices.

papa - honestly most of my traumas growing up was because of you. my anxiety, why i became so reserved as i grew up, and depressed (but u dont believe in that, right? let me be your perfect example then). but despite all of these, i couldnt hate you 100%, you were a good father, a provider. i will always be thankful for that. so dont blame yourself too much. do better pls, atleast for darla. you were wrong all along papa, i am not your strongest child.

lance - it was from you that suffered the biggest betrayal from. but i dont have the energy to be angry at you anymore, i can never get to you. you are like a closed boom that cant be opened but at the same time i dont wanna open anymore. im tired. but despite all of this, i so hope you are happy now, i hope you live your own life making your own decisions and owning up to all of them as well.

darla - all my money goes to you. i dont care kung anhun mo, go abroad or whatever. dont be oa, im not a millionaire but just take my money. withdraw it all before you all register my death certificate. my doh schol when i die will be cancelled but i wont leave you with debt so dont worry about that. wala na ko da so by all means darla, you have the freedom to leave our house na. no point in staying there if youll still be miserable. do it for yourself. save yourself. **pin numbers in my notes app

you can sell my bts stuff, they cost a fortune i promise. i want my funeral to be small, no unneccessary people (u know who, darla)

well this is goodbye then, i cant fully say i lived a good life since there was a lot of suffering. ill just say i lived a good chunk of days that made me want to survive for a little while longer.

[bugthegremlin]

Hey uh I really hope you don't mind but I really need to vent and I just can't do it off of anon.

God everything is so hard rn. I can barely come out of my room or even turn the light on I'm constantly on the verge of tears or paranoid and the internet is my only escape. I feel the need to put on a funny facade because it's so hard to open up to people. It's so difficult for me to talk to them. I don't wanna eat or sleep or do anything. I'm so close to relapsing but I'm still staying quite because the last thing I wanna do is scare the people around me. It's less important but also I've looking up fics of my comfort characters and I keep getting SA fics (like fetish shit) and it's made me wanna cry so hard. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable

- a mutual

hey thats okay, you wake up every day and thats enough, you dont need to get out of bed or do anything. i get paranoia really bad too, i know how it feels, im so sorry :(

you dont, i promise. you dont have to do anything for us, were always gonna support you no matter how you act or feel. its okay, talking can be exhausting. its difficult.

relapsing is okay, it has always been a step on the road to recovery and even if you do relapse ill still be proud of you, cause no matter what you try, and sometime it gets too hard but you still try and you do amazing.

you wont scare us, I'll try my best to be there for you and help :)

m sorry hun, that happens to me too, i hate it :(

you didnt hun, my inbox is open for a reason :) <3

[xllxxrbxg]

so ayon nga hehe

so ayon nga mga marecakes hehe narrate ko na lang nangyari today.

so i was like chilling today right im all set for school because i did my homeworks naman days before it was needed so i was like, "aight lets get this shit today". tapos karlo message me he wanted cuddles eh i was like hMMM... we just made out the other day eh and its like tuesday palang today !! i told him nalang na make it happen, not rlly thinking he would make it happen. but this mf took it as a challenge and actually made it happen.

before all that tho i was badtrip because ha made a very uncalled for rape joke and it fucked me up in the head, plus the fact na im being taken to someplace unfamiliar. i was very tensed the whole ride there. anw he didnt get the hint na it was THAT awful to me, but its aight we resolvedt it already. i'll keep a tab on this tho. for me that was a red flag.

anyways we made out in this tambayan place their family owns. basically it has a large parking lot and across that space was this little studio type housie house. the place had a large ass gate, wasnt really paying attention to what he was saying about the place because i was still tensed with the bad joke he made. anyways we went in and it was a very nice place. outside the house, it wasnt that obvious, but when you go in, it legit looked like one of those sala sets in malls with the note "thank you for not sitting" typa shit. so yeah it was nice it had same vibes with vista mall maybe because of the ceiling yellow scattered lights and of the fresh ass furniture and the whole place itself. it was a pretty decent size, not too big not too small for at least two people to share in the long run. it also had this aircon i always wanted the expensive ones u see in 5 stars. anyways it was quickly cold. there was also the bathroom that had a shower, then theres this chair where you pull a button and a foot rest will pop up lmfao. there were also two other sofa charis by the window. the window was the type then you push back up, not much windows tbh. but thats aight and reasonable since it has an aircon. i was tensed at first when the room was opened. it was obviously recently used idk maybe by his relative. WAS TENSED BRO same feeling when you enter an empty room newly unlocked by your teacher. THAT. that typa anxiety. anyways eventually joined him to sit by the small bed. was pretty much good for one big ass person to comfortably lie on, but fitted both of us nicely. didn't really bottom at that sesh so i don't really remember if the bed was uratex when weight is applied on me but it probably is AHSHDHASHDHSAHDSAHAH ok mej funny yun goiz liek- HAHA ok serious na nga hmpz. we cuddled first before doing nasty stuff. it was nice. i'd exchange all those laplapan just to wholesomely cuddle in peace and probably have a great nap together. i like the feeling the warm feeling. it was nice. yes. anyways,, yeah it was nice. cant stop talking about how nice it was because it was nice. heck... it was so nice. it was so heart heart. idc about my coochie getting rubbed, CUDDLE ME BITCH. anyways we started kissing and the rest is historyYYYYYY. jk. basically the make out routine starts with cuddling then kissing then he touches me until it reacher the forbidden softie softie, main bec he likes hearing my sexy ass moan. even before in tinder when i vm my boytoys for the first time the first thing they say my voice is smexy. cant blame them i agree. even when im alone and i randomly fake moan gat dam bro i get turned on too LMFAO. so yeah i moaned bec it was music to his ears and turned him on big time. was ngl kinda steamy when we breathe in each others mouth thats one of my favorite parts of it and also when i suck on his tongue. or also when i moan into his mouth. yep. also when he cusses it means im doing a great job. hehe. nice stuff ryt there. we pause sometimes to rest, then go aead again. i got many rounds that day. we did same stuff on the bed several times. then he pulled me so i'd be on top. im such a great top bro he aint know hoe to topppp. then was cuddling on top of him and then accidentally (wink wink) grinded on his rock solid stuff. he was turned on sabi nya shit anuyon sabi ka ah ayaw mo ok BUT THEN he was like gusto ko. tnagina pabebe yarn. anw i started kissing then grinding and he was cussing bec im so good at it. later my pants were off and later his shorts too. so we were underwear-away from grinding on directly. was nice got me tiredt. THEN HAHAH i saw this 5 peso coin by the bed and i was like eto yung token sa rides AHSDHASHDASHDHA WOF YAN TEH? tangina tawang tawa sya gago ang funny ko tlg san ka makakakuha ng kallapan na funny. tas nilagay ko sa gilid nya singko started grinding again. bet u he was grinding too. AND IT WAS SO HARD IT LOWKEY HURT TO GRIND ON. GEEZAS. so basically the whole bed was shaking. and i did my deed as a good girl to keep the music on (aka moaning) because there was no music. felt like

asmr. boring af. unlike when we make out sa car, theres always music. i like making out on the white chev instead of the fortuner BECAUSE THE FORTUNERS WINDOWS AIN TINTED what in the world was i thinking making out inside an untinted car INSIDE A PARK WHERE THERE ARE LOTSA PPL PASSING BY. anyways back to the bed, we paused, cuddled. then i was badtrip again for some reason so i got up to get dressed but we eventually made out again on the sofa hehe. legs spread again bec he liked touching there so i let him. then eventually was begging me to allow him to eat me out but i was like BROOOO NOOOO you gon taste it and it be not groomed yet in anyway but he was alr there begging looool he looked so adorbs but NOOO. i asked wala ka man benefit jan, sabi nya ikaw meron. tas sabi ko why do u wanna do it, he said he wasnted to satify me liek HNGGGGGG ok i would let you but it really not be groomed oakay NEXT TIME for sure. AND HECK the lights were on. it was daylight and the lights were on like hasdhahsdhashdas it feels liek im being eaten out at the home decor station at vista mall U GUYZ. anyways ayon. after non i think he tried carrying me for some reason. and i knew he found me heavy lols. but yeah i was a cute little moment he carried me around the room pretending its a mall and he's touring me and shit, "to your left, is the sala set, to your right is the flat screen tv..." things like that HAHAHA funny cute moment. anw later on we found ourselves sitting on the little bed again i was on top of him. he didnt want to lay down bec he alrady made the bed lol so we started grinding again sitting, me on top doing my best !! giving my all !! bec he also had a finger down there as i grinded on his stuff so it basically felt like a direct grind lols. anyways was nice. then later on we made out standing up. was kinda hard because he was 7 inches taller. OH AKALA NYO TITE SIZE YUNG 7 INCHES NOH. hinde. so ayon we were making out and he was shy to ask for a deep throat HAHSDHAHDHAS HECK NAW BITCH U TOLD ME A RAPE JOKE. so this is the part where i get revenge. he was standing there, and i was teasing him. was acting clueless, but he hinted he wanted his belt off so i took it off. was honestly confused with the belt. lol. anw i got to remove it and said, so ano next? playfully hhehhehehe. anyways ayon nga eventually me teased him everrr soooo slowly his dick went from solid-jelly-solid-jelly. LMFAO omfg will i cause him illness? omg. anwwww ayon. later on i removed his shorts as he asked. then i stepped aaway from him across the room because he was doing the shy type hands while hsis shorts was by his foot. and i LOL'd at him for a good few minutes just clapping my hands out of entertainment HAHSDHAHSDAS. then he asked me to put my hands inside, did it slowly and i told him to smile ka nga muna. AND HA THE MF WAS SHAKING. LOL. my fucking powerrrrrrr. anyways later on i was teasing out the underwear, then later i got my hands in again and then touchedt the dick *YAY* finally we got there!! anw it was only for a few secs and i told him its over HAHAHA. then i put his shorts back up again, but subtly teasing that i would suck. bec the shorts were by his ankles so i had to kneel. did i suck? no. did i make sure he thought i was? YES BITCH. and then he lay down fretting because i didnt suck his dick and then while was laying down i opened his shorts again to pretend that his dick was a computer mouse and told him "lets play solitaire, o kaya counterstrike or maybe purble place. gawa ng cake hehe" lmfao mfer be cry laughing because he dont know what to do bec he was teased. so ayon we ended that way and i thought he was bad trip bec of what i did. but he assured me na di naman like dapat lang duh. anyways ayon hehe.

uwi na kami after nakauwi ako 1. andon kami 10. hehe. hinatid nya man me pauwi. tho yung byahe pauwi di pa kami nakakalayo sa place he pulled over so i was confused bec there were no big vehicles incoming but to my surpris he started kissimg me again lol bro deins ka ba nasasawa. anw yon. was nice naman. making out with a guy from a rich fam is nice bec yall dont need to pay to rent in motels lol but still has pressure, bec if we end on a bad note, i swear most of the blgs here are engineered by his relatives. thats how prominent they are. the place we went to is owned by his uncle, who works at legazpi rn thats why the place was vacant. theyre making a mall i think idk. so thats why his uncle is making another like that na place dun. so he has somewhere to stay. like what in the wealth... its crazy how people have money. and for sure even if the place we stayed in was small, it costs millions fr. anyways ayun yung promised detailed chika ko. hehe ciao. mej pokpok nga me pero look at me suffering the consequences, may sipon na ako aside sa ubo because he had mild sipon. now my sipon is malala compared to his, and he alr is recoveredt tangina unfair. but yesterday he insisted to see me to drop off some meds and he hugeed me and cried. because i asked for a time out the night before. bec i was having a hard time. he allowed it but over thinkedt it so yeah he cried while hugging me tight in the car. and kept on saying sorry mainly bec of the sipon thing. but it was, i felt, directed to the other stuff he had disappointed me with. anyways before that sabi nya ok lang ba sayo mag punta munang emall may bibilhin lang, sabi ko naur im sick. it was bec he wanted to buy me gummy worms lol. cute. u shoulda bought them before going to me, mofo. jk. loveee u penggg.

[miguelmgllng]

sorry tumblr if you are the only option i have when i got no one else to talk to, but im really thankful you are here for meee, im heree again ranting to you, buttttt, this aint a rant at all, i ust wanna cope, it's been a while since the last time i posted, right?

Anyway, hello!! back at it again, but today, I came up realized something, but before i head straight with my realization, I just want to share something I had the recent weeks. I was really exhausted, my mind was little by little trashing my thoughts and I can't concentrate. The pressure in my mind overpowers my ability to think things positively. But hell yeah, taking a break from all the chaos is great, there comes a time that ull be bombarded with so much activities and stuff that will drive you insane. You will have so much on your plates and you dont know what to come up first.

I was lost on track, really! BUT, upon scrolling on some contents, i noticed a post and suddenly realized na, ay grabe noooo, baka ako lang talaga yung nagbibigay ng pressure sa sarili ko, I was competing with myself to keep up with the titled people had set me with. I had to take a break otherwise ill be dead. These rare people who teach you that things go well if you take them slowly are really good to youuu, keep them.

You know I realized that, taking a break when things get tough is ok, collect yourself and keep your sanity up. The only one you can have during this moment of your life is yourself alone. You can share a tidbit of your life but not everything. You can only fix what is need to be fixed and there's nothing wrong if at one point, you'll be behind with those people preceding. If you get tired, go rest and think, relax and just unwind, you have a beautiful life and it is not worth abusing. Continue to move forward when your ready, you are not a machine, you have feelings, you get tired and that is pretty well. You are a human and supposedly, what you do with yourself is that you take care of it. During this tragic times, we need to be strong and think of something that we can do to prevent bad things from happening.

REMEMBER, YOU CAN DO BETTER AND THAT IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD INGRAIN IN YOUR MIND, YOU DESERVE THE BEST IN LIFE AND IF YOU THINK THAT BEING LEFT BEHIND IS LOSING, THEN YOU ARE PROBABLY WRONG. REST AND THINK FREELY. MOVE IF YOU CAN DO SO, THAT IS LIFE AND LIFE NEEDS TO BE TAKEN CARED OF BY NONE OTHER THAN OURSELVES. BE BRAVE AND COURAGEOUS, HAVE YOUR FAITH REMAINED STRONG. GOD KNOWS WHEN YOU ARE FRAGILE AND HE UNDERSTANDS, HE LETS YOU GO THROUGH CHALLENGES FOR YOU TO REALIZE THAT PAUSING FOR A BIT IS OK. AND HE WILL LET YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR LIFE IS MORE VALUABLE THAT THE THINGS YOU ARE CHASING OF. GOD ISNT GOOD, BUT HE IS GREAT AND NOTHING YOU COULD EVER ASK FOR IF YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HIM BY YOUR SIDE ALWAYS. YU ARE LOVED BY GOD AND THAT YOU ALSO NEED TO LOVE YOURSELF, YOU ARE UNIQUE AND BE STRONG ALWAYS.