#im not gonna say dreams come true or anything like that but knowing it does get better

[the-kipsabian]

in three weeks this time i'll be on a plane again

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

help i have a crush and no guts to tell them. If convenient… some bruce wayne? Bruce is hotter. I am safer dreaming about fictional men than real ones. My crush miiiight know(im 20. WHY the heckkkkk do i even HAVE a crush). I made eye contact and immediately looked away. I literally couldnt be more suspicious. Im begging you to distract me.

Important note: i love love love your writing especially the other half. Which i know is over so im not asking for a continuation of that. But your bruce is enthralling. Also no pressure if youre not in a bruce writing mood.

listen

i hate to tell you/warn you

having a crush at 29 is just as if not more embarrassing. i sadly speak from experience

also what do you call it when Batman skips church

christian bale

"He's going to catch you."

"Catch me what? I'm not doing anything."

"You're staring."

"I am not staring," You insist, "I am...Looking in the direction of his vicinity."

"Well that vicinity is pretty narrow. Completely narrow. You're just looking at him, actually."

You pass a sidelong glance toward your best friend, eyes narrowing as she smiles sweetly at you.

"I'm just sayin'," She shrugs, "The more you stare at him, the more likely it is that he'll catch you."

"No way for him to catch me if there's nothing to catch—Oh, shit," You hurriedly whirl around as you see him twist toward you.

"I told you."

"Shut up!" You hiss. "Is he still looking?"

"Yep."

You groan, raising your drink to your lips and draining it. "I'm gonna go get another one. You wanna come?"

"I'm alright."

It's for the best, you decide. She was right, you've been way too blatant. But how many times are you going to be in the room with the Prince of Gotham, with the Bruce Wayne?

"Prosecco, please," You request, setting your empty glass down.

"It'll be a moment," The bartender warned. "We're waiting for a few bottles."

"Okay! No worries."

You're certain this is the only time that you would be in the same room as Wayne, so you may as well take a look, get your fill. There were whispers of him coming alone, instead of trotting out one of the models that he usually brings to these events. Maybe it was a last-minute acceptance, or he couldn't find anyone to come...Then again, you were certain that that was impossible. Hell, you'd cut off your right arm to say yes—Not that Bruce Wayne would ever ask you.

"Prosecco."

His voice makes you freeze, your eyes widening slightly as his sleeve brushes your arm.

"It'll be a moment, Mr. Wayne," The bartender frowns.

"S'alright."

You glance hesitantly toward him, offering a tight, flighty smile when you find him looking at you.

"Hi," He greets.

"Hi."

Oh god, what the hell is he doing, talking to you?

"Come here often?"

"...To the Natural History museum?" You flounder.

"Not exactly," He chuckles. "I meant to events like these."

"Oh—No. My friend had a plus one, so."

"Mm."

You nod. You should ask if he comes to many of these, right? But you know that he does—every appearance is highly publicized in the Gotham Gazette, US magazine, across gossip blogs and social media. Hell, you'd have to have been living under a rock to not know who he was.

But how can you ask questions without seeming like an ignorant simpleton or a weirdo? Will he think it's odd that you know he goes to these events? Will he think you're lying if you pretend to not know that he does?

You don't even know this man, so why does he make you so nervous?

"Flying solo on this one?"

It's out of your mouth before you can stop it, and—shit. You take in the way Bruce blinks, his lips tipping up with a small smile.

"I am. I accepted last-minute."

"No other way to spend your Friday night?"

"No other good way. It is for charity, after all."

"That's true," You smile. Oh, god look away now. Stop looking into his warm, dark eyes—Damn, how does he get you so hot with just a smile?

"Two proseccos." The two of you turn as the bartender speaks up, setting your drinks on the bar.

"Thanks."

"Thank you."

You take yours, ready to step away and say goodbye. You don't want to linger—but—

"Is your friend going to be missing you?" Bruce asks.

"Um..." You look around, spotting her speaking with one of her colleagues—one that you know she has a crush on. You huff a soft laughing, shaking your head. "No, definitely not."

"So she won't mind if I hold you up for a bit?"

Your heart leaps into your throat, brows creeping high.

"Hold me up? For what?"

"To talk, if you're interested." He holds his hand out for a shake. "Bruce Wayne."

And you can't keep it in anymore. He's introducing himself? You chuckle softly, shaking his hand.

"Yeah. I know."

[cottoncandyswisherz]

tell me.

softdom!matt x exgf!reader

warnings: p n v, dirty talk, semi-public sex (in an office) a lil emotional

as i sat in the backseat of this car, driven by my driver, paul, i thought about everything i did to get here.

i thought about the people i left behind. my friends. people i called family. it pains me to know that they'll probably never forgive me. 

but nothing hurts more than thinking about matt. he stuck by my side through my senior year of high school. he loved me and i loved him. 

i loved him more than anything i've ever known. 

my biggest regret is listening to my fucking parents when they told me that he wasn't going anywhere. that his dream of being an influencer was unlikely to come true. i listened when they told that i should just go to howard and become a lawyer and forget all about him.

but i never forgot. how could i?

im jolted out of my thoughts when the car eases to a stop. 

its almost mechanical, the way i grab my brief case, and step out of the car, into the building and onto the elevator. 

im here to negotiate the terms of a brand deal between an influencer and my firms client, CHERRY LA.

who this person was, i had no idea. this wasnt my case. i'm just a associate. this client belonged to one of the partners who dumped it on me. 

again, im jolted out my thoughts when the elevator stops. i look up to see who's gonna be joining me and to make room for them but i freeze. 

my breath stalling in my chest. 

my heart does a quick double beat. 

here, in this small elevator, over a thousand miles from massachusetts, i find myself standing a foot away from the boy who changed my life. 

he doesn't look surprised. he doesnt look shocked. he looks pissed. 

"matt." i whisper his name.

in one quick movement, matt closes the gap between us. his hands come up to the sides of my face. he leans in, his bright blue eyes inches away from mine. i'd forgotten how bright his eyes were. i swore i'd memorized every detail about him, but- being this close again, feeling his heat again- is setting my body on fire.

"y/n." he growls my name. 

he leans in at the same time i push up onto my toes. our lips collide, his mouth is warm and soft and demanding. i grab onto the front of shirt, vaguely aware that the elevator doors have shut, and it feel like we're moving. 

matts hands slide around to the back of my head. his fingers gripping my hair. the tug is enough to tilt my head. taking instant advantage of the new angle, matts tongue slides against my bottom lip. i nip at him as he pulls my hair, causing me to groan. 

he presses against me, bringing our bodies flush. 

i'd missed him. missed his body. missed the way he makes me feel. 

when matt breaks the kiss, i realized that elevator has stopped, and the doors are sliding open again.  

he grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers, and pulls me out to follow him. the move has me flashing back to when he took me with his family to vermont and he was dragging me through the woods to show me the creek that he loved. his grip on my hand is now even more passionate than it was then.

i almost have to hog to keep up with his long strides, not sure where hes taking me. the lights are off, but i think we're on the top floor. the executive floor. where my meeting is. 

my meeting is in 20 minutes, but for him, im saying fuck the meeting, fuck the job, fuck the career, fuck the rest of the world. 

matt steps through an open door, pulling me with. he stops suddenly, turning back to face me. with his free hand he reaches out to slam the office door shut.

"where are we?" i ask.

"in a room with a lock. 

matt walks into me, using his body to press me against the door. 

i hear the click as he locks the handle. adrenaline surges through my body. i know what he wants. 

and i want it too. 

i let go of matts hand so i can use both of mine to push his jacket off his shoulders. he lets me, but as soon as it hits the floor he crowds back into my space. 

in a move i've only ever seen in movies, matt reaches down, grabs my hips, and lifts me. pinning me against the door with his body between my legs. my thighs automatically wrap around his waist. my arms around his neck. my mouth fusing to his. 

his hands are so large the nearly cover my entire ass as he grinds into me. matts mouth leaves mine, trailing open mouthed kisses down my throat. reaching my collar bone, he scrapes his teeth across my skin. the sensation sending a shiver straight to my core. 

pulling us away from the door, matt supporting all of my weight, he walks us across the room. i drop my lips to that hollow spot at the base of his throat and lick. 

"fuck, sweetheart." matt grinds the words out.

that name. that silly pet name he used on me seven years ago. i never realized how much i loved it until i wasnt hearing it anymore. i sink my teeth into the side of his neck. this boy- no this man, has turned me back into a 18 year old girl. being so close to him, all i feel is safety and desire. 

"why'd you leave me? why'd you run?" his questions rumble through my body. 

i shake my head against him. "if i didn't leave then, i'd still be there." 

a crack sounds throughout the room, accompanied by a sharp sting on my ass. 

i rear my head back. 

he narrows his eyes at me, daring me to talk back and get spanked again. "you didn't say bye." 

he stops walking and lets go of his hold on me. i only drop a few inches before i find myself sitting on top of a desk. 

he leans in close. "and you kept my clothes."

he hands start on my bare knees, and slide up my thighs, pushing my dress up as he goes. "tell me youre sorry." 

when i dont reply, he pinches my hip. 

i  startle and whisper, "im sorry." 

"good girl." he kisses me once more. brief but hard. 

pulling away from the kiss, he presses on my chest until im laid out on the desk. 

"i should bend you over this desk. fuck you from behind. pull you hair. smack your ass until its red. punish you for what you did." his breathing gets heavier with each word he bites out.

holy shit. the idea of getting punished has never turned me on before, but his filthy words have me soaked. 

matt steps from between my legs, undoes his belt, lowers his zipper then his pants. finally he releases his already hard cock. his pants, around his knees, he steps back between my spread thighs. 

i've never been an extremely sexual being, but the sight of him, long and hard and ready, has my mouth watering. 

"i should do that." he says. "but i want you like this. i want you watching me. seeing what you missed." 

he grabs my hips and pulls me until my bottom half is hanging off the desk. i reach up and grip the edge of the desktop above my head. if he steps away from me now, i'll slide off. 

matt groans as he pushes the skirt of my dress over my waist. "fuck sweetheart. look at you."

he runs a finger over my clothed core, demonstrating how wet my panties are.

with one hand he pulls the fabric to the side, revealing my pussy. with his other hand he strokes the tip of his dick up and down against my entrance. 

"tell me you want this." he demands.

i dont hesitate. "i want it. i want you."

matt pushed in one inch. "say it again."

i moan. "i want you. please. please!" im begging for him to fuck me.

he pushes in another inch. "tell me you thought of me. tell me youve thought of my cock inside you. stretching this perfect pussy." 

his voice is strained. hes trying to stay in charge. but i know hes close to losing it. 

i roll my hips up, trying to get him deeper. 

another smack sounds through the room. with my ass hanging off the desk he still has access to my bare skin.

"tell me." he growls.

"i've thought of you." i pant. "i couldnt stop thinking of you. matt, please." 

a change comes over his eyes. its small, but watching it happen was like watching a flower bloom in 3x speed. like he was opening himself up. i said exactly what he wanted, but he knew, it was exactly what i felt as well.

in one sudden move, matts lips crash against mine at the same he pushed his cock inside me. all the way to the hilt. in one hard thrust. the feeling of him filling me again, combined with the emotional wave of my confession, is too much. the sensation is too overwhelming. i cry out in shock and pain and pleasure. 

he pulls out, presses in, and just like that, im a puddle on this desk. my orgasm hits me like a slash of cold water, my breath leaving my body completely. 

im caged in. matts encasing me. one hand holding my face, his mouth mouth plundering mine, his other hand squeezing the back of my thigh. my body doesnt know whats going on. my pussy is throbbing with each thrust, matching matt. my minds so blurry i cant form words, and i think i have tears in my eyes. 

"fuck. y/n. fuck." matt buries his face in my curls. "you feel so good."

im lost in him. in this moment. in the experience. sense of time evades me, and i feel myself hanging on for dear life. i dont want it to ever end, but im afraid i wont survive another minute. 

his thrusts are getting slower. harder. his movements jerky. 

matt groans against my neck. "goddamn, you feel so fucking good." 

he slams into me hard. once, twice, then i feel his thumb on my clit. my body can't take it. i think i've been suffering from one long never-ending orgasm this whole time, but that doesn't stop my body from starting all over. i shatter. moaning loudly. clawing at matts shoulders. arching against his body. 

"thats it, sweetheart." one more thrust and matt stills. his body going tight. his groan of release filling my head. his actual release filling my cunt. 

he raises up and looks me dead in the eyes. im mesmerized by his blue orbs. so bright. full of hope and hurt. 

"im sorry, matt." i murmur, letting the tears fall. 

then a phone rings and we're brought back to reality. matt pulls out of me and i moan quietly. 

while he answered his phone i just lay there on the desk, trying to get myself together. 

"yeah nick, im on the way." i hear matt say, before hanging up and walking over to me. 

"i have to go, but we're gonna talk. i promise. i just have this meeting with this brand and chris really wants to team with them-"

"brand?" i ask. "what brand?" 

"CHERRY LA." he answered" "chris really like their clothes and we're here to negotiate the terms of our deal." now he's getting himself together, pulling his pants up and grabbing his jacket off the floor. 

"matt." he stops what he's doing. "im CHERRY's lawyer. your meeting is with me." 

he smiled. "of course it is. i made sure we only spoke to the best attorney in california."

niyah speaks i been watching suits teeew much guys. anyways new chapter for against all odds tonight!!!

remember that if no one loves you, mommy loves you (and my mommy i mean me)

taglist: @mattslolita

[srjlvr]

enha hyung line! — as parents <3

hyung-line!enha x fem!reader ! | genre: fluff ! | wc: 1.8k+ ! | warnings: enha as fathers, kids, mentions of food, not proofread ! | note: i thought about it while having some of our family members over and watching them taking care of their (vv annoying) kids !

— ✧ heeseung ♡

“IM GONNA BE A FATHER” would literally scream this out every time he’s outside.

took him a while to really realize the fact that he’s going to be responsible for a living soul and suddenly he freaks out.

did everything to be prepared and finally after 9 months he held his daughter in his hands.

would probably use his angelic voice to sing lullabies to the baby.

tells you he hopes her first words would be ‘mama’ but secretly whispers “say dada” to her whenever you’re not listening.

would send you off to work so he could stay together with the baby and even would take her to his work as well.

he would be tired as hell at nights when the baby wakes up crying, but he’d always get up before you and would force you to lay down and fall back asleep while he takes care of the situation.

he’d be the coolest dad ever! would teach his daughter basketball even at such a young age, and would support everything that she wants to do.

would be so overprotective and will go like “dont talk to my daughter like that!” whenever someone speaks badly about her.

he’d be so openly with her and would talk about whatever! when it comes to question about ‘how to make kids’, he’d just say that it’s not the time to explain.

as she grows older, he’d get too emotional all the time and would take pictures of everything his child does.

each morning would help her get ready and send her off to school with kisses and “i love you”s

so so so supportive and comforting person, as a father he’d do everything to make his daughter happy.

would be a little worried and overprotective about parties as his daughter grows older, but he trusts her enough to let her do what she wants. as long as she’s being safe.

“hey dad, can we go play some basketball?” your daughter asked. “but i prepared dinner already” you frowned a bit, expecting to eat with your family already.

“eat some snack in the meantime baby, we’ll be back in an hour” heeseung pecked your lips and hugged you. he then grabbed the ball and tossed it to your daughter.

“bye mom!” “bye love!” they both said. “wait!” you stopped them. they both froze and looked at you, you quickly got closer and put on your sports shoes, “the loser washes the dishes for a week” you smirked.

heeseung ended up loosing, watching his daughter and the love of his life getting so excited over playing together had always been his weakness.

— rest of the members under the cut !

— ✧ jay ♡

*insert shocked af emoji* — that would be his reaction after realizing he’s going to be a dad.

“i’ll cook you everyday and style you each morning, we’re going to have so much fun!” literally speaks to your tummy all day.

gets super excited and thrilled to the due date, prepared everything from A to Z and even asked his parents for some tips.

“i know nothing about babies but i can cook and i have good style…?” like 😭✋🏻✋🏻

almost fainted holding his son after 9 months of talking to him through your tummy, but held on a big smiled finally realizing his biggest dream came true.

before you’re coming back home he made sure the house is fully secured and safe for babies.

he’s just worried for the new family member that’s all :(

the softest dad ever! won’t stop snapping pictures and talking about his son with whoever he can.

would wake up early everyday to prepare breakfast for the little one, and would slowly and surely wake up him and help him eat.

wouldn’t give you a chance to overwork yourself, he’d tell you to rest and he’d take care of everything.

ngl i think he’d spoil his son so much and he would buy him anything he wants just bc he wants to see his son happy☹️

MATCHING OUTFITS is a must!! being the best stylist that he is, he LOVES to dress up his son and would match with him as well.

would teach him how to treat people (esp women!) right since basic manners is hella important.

tbh i also think he’d be like so chill about his child going to parties and all when growing up and he’d even drop him off and pick him up whenever he needs.

“how’s the food?” jay asked after setting his plate next to your plate, in front of his son. “good as always” your son smiled warmly at you.

“also, can you drop me off at (friends name)’s? we’re just gonna go out later, i’d be back before 1AM” he added. “sure, me and your mom are going on a date today so we’ll drop you off on our way” jay said, looking at you lovingly and pecking your nose.

“disgusting” your son rolled his eyes and you giggled. “you’re just jealous aren’t you?” “let’s show him some love”

both of you and jay got up and dragged your son to the sofa, tickling him and laughing about his cute reaction, but ending up the fight with a tight family hug.

— ✧ jake ♡

his reaction would be so precious when he’d found out about the pregnancy. literally called his mom and the rest of his family a second after you decided it’s time to officially tell everyone.

“do whatever you feel like doing as long as you’re not overworking yourself and putting yourself in danger” type of person.

would be so hyped up and would prepare himself mentally every day that in a few months he’d have a new family member.

after nine months he let out some happy tears, watching his son sleeping peacefully in his arms.

“you took care of him nine months now let me take care of him” — would use it as an excuse to be alone with the baby.

bought so many baby clothes beforehand and doesn’t know what to do when the baby is growing so fast and the clothes are already tiny on him.

cries every time something emotional happens, as if his hormones are higher than yours😮‍💨.

really wants his son to have an australian accent so he’s showing him australian baby-friendly videos.

he’d be the funniest dad ever! the one that even his son’s friends would like because he’s so easygoing and funny.

oh and let’s talk about the gaming station he’d build for him and his son to play together, they’d spend all day in the room without getting out, leaving you all alone.

as funny and easygoing he is, i think he might be a little overprotective as well. as his son became a teenager and started going to parties, he became a bit scared, so he texts every once in a while to check if his son is still alive.

i think he’d also be super thrilled when his son would get a significant other and would make sure to have a conversation with him about “how to treat your significant other right”.

he would also take his son to late night walks, just to talk about his concerns and everything he needs, he always makes sure his son knows he’d do pretty much everything to see his smile.

“nice one! go to your left!” jake yelled as his fingers moved fast on the keyboard and his eyes roamed around the computer screen. “they’re attacking from everywhere!” your son groaned.

as another game ended with a fail, jake looked over his son and pat his shoulder, “it’s okay, it doesn’t mean we suck at this game” he hugged his disappointed son.

“boys! i prepared some snacks! get out and let’s hang out!” you called them out for the hundredth time today. “your mother is looking for attention” jake giggled.

“let’s play one more game and then go” his son plead and jake smiled, “how can i say no to you?”

— ✧ sunghoon ♡

“so you’re telling me,” he froze, “that there’s a human being growing in your tummy right now?” *insert dumbfounded emoji*

oh this boy would be so scared for his life, i think he’d mostly be scared of the thought that he wont be able to take care of you right.

that’s why he prepared himself in any kind of way. he read books, went to get some tips from his mother and even his grandma, he wants to be so perfect and he wants to make everything more comfortable and easy for you.

so when he finally held his daughter’s tiny fingers, he cried happy tears. he cried because now his job is to raise his beautiful daughter and protect her from any costs.

since he’s so well prepared, he wasn’t even worried a bit once she started crying and waking up so late at nights nonstop.

would tell her stories and talk to her all day, entertaining her as much as he can, it’s also not his fault, his daughter is just so cute and adorable.

“i can’t believe i’m a father” he goes around the house giggling and playing with his daughter.

would tease you so much when her first words are ‘dada’ and not ‘mama’ — would be like “what can i say? she loves me more” with such a huge smirk on his face.

just like him, he hopes his daughter would take interest in ice skating, so as she grew old, he took her to one of the nearest ice rinks, and singed her up for classes when he saw she was actually enjoying it.

he’d be so supportive and so understanding, would always take her to practices and you two would always show up for her shows and would even skate with her if you’d feel like it.

likes to do different hairstyles and would just go with the flow, one day it can be ponytails and the other day it could be a simple braid.

he’d actually also go around and be like “do you see her? she’s my daughter, she’s so cute isnt she?”.

in general he’d be the softest dad ever! as his daughter grows old, he’d plant some morning kisses on her cheeks and would tell her that he loves her dearly and would send her off to school.

“dad! i have practice in about half an hour!” your daughter noted and sunghoon immediately gasped, “right right! let’s go!” he said and grabbed your hand as well.

“huh? aren’t you just dropping her off? why do i need to come too?” you asked, “because,” he smiled, “she’s our daughter and we need to watch her practice”

“i also wanted us to have a dinner date today, all of us together, it’s been a while since we went to hang out all three of us” he said, “because you always take her to grab some ice cream after practice” you teased and he shrugged.

“we got the best daughter ever” he smiled. “i know” you replied and he then pecked your lips, “thank you, for making me become a father”

[zer0brainc3lls]

Dps yap session about how Todd’s relationship with Neil and Mr Keating (mainly Neil) grew his character because I’ll never stop thinking about it (spoilers for the book)

In the movie we all know Todd has issues with public speaking but in the book, it’s not just public speaking. It’s speaking to almost anyone in general. He stutters and pauses between sentences, even being unable to finish what he’s trying to say.

“I… would…. Prefer…. Rowing….. sir,” - Todd “rowing? Did he say rowing? But here it says you played soccer at Balincrest?” - Mr Nolan “I…. Did…. But….” - Todd

The dots are not exaggerated if you haven’t read the book. That’s how it’s shown. Now he doesn’t speak to everyone like this, mainly if he’s asked about an opinion or something of that nature, despite this he speaks softly almost all the time in the start of the book.

But as time goes on and he becomes closer to the dead poets + Mr Keating he opens up, he may not speak much in meetings and in classes doing anything publicly still scared him but he opens up more nonetheless.

Towards the halfway/end of the book he watches Neil find his own voice through acting, standing up to his father and watching Neil grow confident in himself he too becomes more confident. Even putting a lamp shade over his head just for fun, in front of people, being silly. (The lamp shade part is never talked about omg.)

When Neil is performing he even mouthes the lines to himself, even though he knows Neil needed no help. And at the end of the play TODD starts the standing ovation (I think? He’s definitely one of the first.) with a smile on his face, no embarrassment, no shame. Just happy for his best friend for standing up and finally being himself.

This was never shown in the movies but after the play he reaches out for Neil, trying to tell him how well he did and when Mr Perry’s car drives off he screams Neil’s name. In front of a crowd of people.

After the car scene they go back to the cave, not just the dead poets, Chris is there to (someone Todd barely knows!!!) and you know what Todd does? He expresses his anger. In full.

“Todd suddenly jumped up and pounded the walls with his fists. ‘Next time I see Neil's father I'm gonna smash him. I don't care what happens to me!’ ” after this, HE RECITES A POEM IN FRONT OF ALL HIS FRIENDS, MR KEATING AND CHRIS. (THIS WHOLE CAVE SCENE WAS SUCH A PIVOTAL MOMENT FOR TODDS CHARACTER IM SO MAD THEY FUCKING CUT IT)

Todd gained his own voice watching Neil and the dead poets gain theirs.

Then Neil died.

After Neil died? Todd lost his voice. Almost. He almost went back to stumbling his words, he almost went back to speaking softly. But whenever someone tried to speak ill of Neil or Mr Keating? HE WAS ON THEIR CASE.

“You don’t seriously think his father…” -knox “not with the gun! Damn it even if the bastard didn’t pull the trigger he..” - Todd

“ ‘Who else do you think, dumbo? The administration? Mr. Perry? Keating put us up to all this, didn't he? If it wasn't for him, Neil would be cozied up in his room right now, studying his chemistry and dreaming of being called doctor.’ - Cameron ‘That's not true! Mr. Keating tell Neil what to do. Neil loved acting.’ - Todd

And in the books he took a large punishment instead of signing the note to get Mr Keating fired and of course we cannot forget the desk scene at the end of the movie. Todd may never be the same as when Neil was alive and Mr Keating was still his teacher but he grew a confidence from them, even them no longer being apart of his life could take away the impact they had on him.

Idk if this yap session is a “yeah no shit” kind of thing but thanks for coming to my ted talk yall

[coffeegnomee]

I wanted to write about how far Zam has come with his character for like a week now and now he’s acknowledged it himself so I finally grabbed all the quotes.

Let’s go down memory lane shall we? 

DAY 1 

24:00 “There’s a ghost that haunts my dreams [...] I see him in my sleep. He tells me to kill people. But I don’t want to kill anyone”

“I have to hold it in.. [...] I wish I had like horror sound effects to play and images of every lifesteal member dead and I could flash them across the screen” does that. 

ZAM: “*lights armadillo on fire* “give it a slow, painful death” PENTAR: “for someone against the whole idea of killing, you seem to have a gruesome way around killing things.” ZAM “I’m still me” [armadillo dies.] “I can only resist the urges so much [evil giggle]”

10:07:00 after Pentar kills him “It’s not about being above anyone by not killing people, I would just prefer not to. Because last season I feel like I was.. Something else. And I don’t want to do that again. I don’t want to be that again. You know?”

“Because it’s not supposed to be some morality, ‘I’m better than you’ kind of thing, you know? I don’t want to be on some like high horse. It’s more of like, I just don’t wanna let the demon out, you know, that type of thing”

Reflecting on the first two days, I wrote this about Zam: This season looks like an internal battle of his personal desire to complete a minecraft challenge™ (no kills) vs his desire to do lore and change his character multiple times. And I just don’t think the challenge wins long term. A challenge isn’t what makes him love lifesteal, it’s the lore. 

Day 4 7/9/24

1:01:05 “‘zam has no enemies’ no, it’s not that I have no enemies, it’s just that if I kill people, I’m going to become like a monster. Like way worse than anyone else on the server. You know? And I like don’t want that reputation if I’m like just peacefully building. [...] ‘oh bro’s scared to hurt others then?’ yup! [...] ‘bad things will happen…. (meep)’ yea last time I hurt someone, last time i tried to hurt someone, bad things happened. And i just… can’t do that again, you know?”

1:21:40 killing bogged in trial chamber. “It feels nice cutting things down, I don’t think I’ve been doing enough of this. [...] I’m going to kill all of you, I’m going to kill every single one of you. [...] is it weird to say that I’ve missed this? Even though ‘this’ is just cutting down a bunch of skeletons, just jumping up and down and left clicking [...]  [evil giggles (and not to anything in chat)] [...] my sword might say “im so sorry’ but I’m not sorry, I’m not even a little sorry right now” 

2:19:05 “”also Zam is emo’ (chips) “no i’m not! I’m so happy! I’m the happiest i've been in a long time. That’s why I have my nipple out. That’s not true why did i say that” 

4:04:50 Wemmbu killed Spoke. ZAM: “[opens statistics] it still says zero. It still says zero. It still says zero it still says zero. So I’m fine. I’m fine. Cause it still says zero.. [walks around base] I’m fine. It’s perfectly fine. ‘0 plants potted’ (arch) okay actually that’s what I got the clay for so.. Thank you for saying that actually, very convenient timing. [goes to shed to smelt] [blows out breath] I’m just gonna chop down trees. I’m just gonna chop down trees and I’m just gonna leave this group and I’m gonna chop down trees and I’m gonna have a fun time and nothing bad’s gonna happen. And everything’s gonna be a-okay [hannah logged on] I thought Mapicc logged on I cannot lie. Okay maybe I’m scared. [Mapicc logs on] [gasp, crouches] motherfucker. Motherfucker [under breath]”

Dies to Mapicc three times. 

5:26:00 is thinking about how he’s doing a character nobody else on lifesteal has done before. Puts on a lore song. “‘If there’s one thing you’ve been consistent in the last two seasons, it’s been steady in your morals until the end’ (chips) yea. But here’s the thing though [giggle] does it matter? Or like, what’s it called. Am I restricting myself? Do you guys think? Most definitely, right. And it’s like. I dunno, a big part of me feels like it would be nice to like, let go, and just like, join in on all the violence, and everything, and all that stuff. You know? Like it would be nice. It would be nice, I think. Maybe. Maybe not, I don't know… [evil giggle] ahhh. [long pause, arch in chat said ‘once you do it you can’t go back though’ he doesn’t read it out] [lore music cuts out] [very seriously] no that’s stupid. No. I’m not gonna. I’m not gonna. [blows breath] I’m not gonna let myself go as far as I did last season. I’m not gonna let myself do anything like that again [tehe giggle] [huffs out breath]”

5:28:18 “‘it was fun tho’ (chips) it was, but it was fun at the expense of others. It was fun… but it was damaging to the server.. It was. I dunno. I don’t think it’s who I want to be. I don’t think I was born to be…That. you know? I don’t know. I feel like that’s not who I am. I feel like that was never who I was.” 

7/13/24 end fight day 

~2:38:00 ZAM: “‘its not ok to kill people but it's ok to ask people really nicely to kill people you don't like’ I’m allowed to persuade people’s opinions, I think, and I can only do that when I’m really really mad. [...] But i dunno. [sigh] I’ve messaged both opposing teams so i dunno, I don’t care enough though. Whatever. This is beyond me."

“Joker zam went back into his closet’ (meep) that’s true. I was possessed for a second there. [messages MC chat saying that] ‘my evil self wishes for me to kill everyone. I won’t tho.' 

7/14/24 day he kills planet

Hour and half of Pangi messing with him while he gets more and more frustrated at the shulker farm. 

1:28:50 Zam flies after Pangi and crits him out, but he stops. “I can’t crit him out like that, I’m gonna get my first player kill and it’s gonna ruin all my lore” 

1:40:00 pangi is still singing, Zam bows him, then tries fishing rodding him. He comes up the farm PANGI: “hey PrinceZam, do you need therapy?” ZAM: “shut up you always got some noise to make, shut up. [...] I bet you’re my first kill this season” PANGI: “BAHAHAA” ZAM: “just kidding I won’t kill anyone. Just kidding. Just kidding just kidding. That was a joke. That was a joke. I won’t kill anyone. [blows out breath]” PANGI: “okay PrinceZam.” 

1:47:00 ZAM: “what the fuck just happened to me. Dude, I need to stop. He keeps, he keeps trying to get me to get my first kill, bro. He’s trying to get me to get my first kill. I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t do it. It’s getting harder and harder, with each and every day, to hold back [sigh] oooh kay. ‘Why aren’t you killing anybody’ because as soon as I kill one person, I go down a dark dark path. And you don’t want to see that dark dark path. ‘WE DO’ I don’t. K fine, maybe you do. I don’t. A great darkness lurks within me. A great darkness lurks within me. It’s consumed me, ever since, ever since I was young. ‘Your dark side is banging on the door, let the poor guy in’ no. noo. I’m gonna build a closet in my house. ‘PLEASE DO IT’ where could I even, oh I know where I could actually build a closet right now, let’s do that right now actually hold on. Unironically lets do that right now” 

6:24:44 zam goes to bacon in his base, “Whenever I sleep, he comes to me. So i try not to sleep in that bed anymore” BACON: “[baffled] how did that even start. Like how did you even, what, how did this even become a thing in your head” ZAM: “[ignoring] there’s a demon in my closet, any time, any time I die he comes closer to possessing me.” BACON: “okay what is the demon trying to get you to do.” ZAM: “kill everyone” BACON: “oooohhh. Oh I like that. Okay okay” ` 

Then there’s the fated Bacon stream 

2:39:00 bacon and planet meme around about the build battle rules and Zam snaps, “if you want to be a bitch about it you don’t have to fucking play, goddamm. Dumbass fucking planetlord and baconnwaffles. I hate both of you. Fuck you guys. I’m going back into the house… i’m going into my closet” 

They clean up spawn a bit, he comes back out swinging at them. Then goes on top of the lighthouse and starts shooting them from a distance. 

Planet takes off all his armor and pops like a grape.

Then on Spep’s stream he stalks Spep around to the End islands, generally just looks really threatening. Says he won’t remember this when he wakes up, but Spep will. 

7/15/24 

~14:00 ZAM: “[strained] dude, pangi I killed planet” PANGI: “[strained too]I know. Hey, it wasn’t your fault” ZAM: “i shouldn’t have even had a bow” 

He builds the tree and writes his first oath 

In the first draft he wrote “I cannot do anything that goes against the interest of the entire server”

he changed “entire server” to “majority of players” to “most players” 

And changed “attack any player” because chat went crazy about him not being able to punch anyone, to “kill any other players” 

7/18/24 

Flame and mapicc start fighting

22:40 ZAM: “dude I did give mapicc a heads up there, I can’t lie. [realizing] I’ve been playing all sides, I can’t lie. This is interesting. I’m just chummy with everyone, I dunno, i don't do it intentionally. I do it a little intentionally, i can’t lie, but not like, intentionally”

33:20 ZAM: “I really don’t like the idea of playing both sides, but like, like- I’m trying my hardest not to, [...] Like if you shove 100 dollars in my face like I’m probably gonna take it right? Like like [giggling], it’s just like, ugh, it’s so stupid [laughing] i don’t like this. I don't know, I’m opportunist I guess. I’m just an opportunist I guess because I'm pacifist and I don't wanna die." So. But like also I really just don’t like the idea of being someone who plays both sides, it’s so awkward” while watching the fight from a distance. "

7/20/24 

From 2:43:00 to 3:15:00 hops between group chats and instinctively gets information and relays it to everyone else. Actually just leaks every word he hears lol. 

4:51:10 “imagine flame goes on a killing spree just so he can pay you to make more builds lol’ (citrus) dude. Is the blood on my hands then? That’s something I was wondering, what if this becomes bad. To where they’re like murdering people just for the sake of like, whats it called, paying me. ‘Yes you're evil then’ (sin) aw shit. It’s my fault. I mean I guess it depends on how bad it gets. I felt really bad when they killed jepex for me. I can’t lie, in the moment I thought it was really funny but looking back, it’s literally the same as like. Like I think me asking them to kill someone is the same as me killing them myself, it lowkey does not matter. So I’m lowkey like having another moral dilemma right there, on that one. ”

“I’m gonna stop asking people to fucking kill people for me that’s stupid, i don’t want to do that anymore”

This is so interesting, because day 1 he just wanted the statistic, and it was okay for him to do traps or gaslight people and all that. Then it was no traps, no violence. Then it was it’s okay to influence the opinions of people who already want to kill the people I want dead. Now it’s like, even that is not okay.

7/21/24 building Flame’s volcano in one day

45:00 [unprompted] “do you know something I was thinking of, which like, i just feel like it would be so easy to turn like, any tree, at spawn, into a trap. It would be so easy right? [...] I’m not gonna do it! Just like a fun idea. [..] [starts making the trap] but then it would make it real. I shouldn’t do this actually. I- i shouldn’t do this. This isn’t a good idea. Nevermind. Nevermind. [rubs face] Ooh my god, back to building back to building. I’m building I’m just building. [puffs out breath] I’m just building. I’m building a castle. I’m not why would I - why would i even make a [giggles] why did I even do that in the first place.” 

2:43:00 breaking the bedrock of the end fountain to make a concrete duper “i feel really good at this. Like too good at this. It’s just holding down q, it’s not that special. But fuck. ‘It’s in your blood’ I don't want to be the guy that left behind, that broke all that bedrock, you know? I don’t want that to be my legacy, I don't want that to be my reputation. I don’t want that to be what I leave behind. Aw geeze. [breaks last bedrock] oh my god. [frustrated] That was effortless”

7:31:30 “‘it’s ok you can blame all your blunders on the demon’ (seri) [lore] what if there was no demon. [not lore] new headcanon. Just me trying to justify my acts. [soft giggle] waittt.. [pause] thank goodness the demon is real, so. the demon is real. Only i can see him” 

8:23:00 crashout over not being “able” to defend himself.  “‘its okay zam we saw how you are at the end of every single season’ (citrus) yea, you guys have. The deep darkness that’s within me, [giggle] ugh. ‘They’ll see… one day’ (mer) I don’t want them to see, no, that’s the thing, i don’t want them to see. [..] It’s just like, like I Could fight, it’s just such a hassle, to like, get into it, and then not, you know. Cause like, okay, okay, here here, let’s envision it, lets say I do want to fight people, right? theoretically, but, I don’t want to let out the evil evil darkness that’s within me, right? How the hell am I gonna do that when I’m constantly taking fights, constantly losing, constantly getting overly attached, overly invested in conflict, like how am i gonna, how am I gonna contain the demon within, if I, what’s it called, if I, if I’m constantly getting myself into fights? You know? ‘Getting good’ (chips) no but like I’m being dead serious, like cause, what’s it called, eventually they’re gonna hit me in a way that is gonna make me want to go full force, there’s no point in trying to fight if I’m not gonna go 100% all in, you know? So. I dunno. Maybe if I get better at my self control and discipline” 

So there’s two things. One, “it’s a hassle” is classic burnout. And you just have to wait for burnout to leave. And two, he is very self aware that someone will do something that will make him get invested. But he won’t flip that switch until that happens because there is no point. Which is very valid and wise. 

It’s such an interesting conversation, because it’s the first time he hasn’t made breaking his oath into a silly lore moment. It’s really settling into being a real part of him. He’s being honest about what fighting would actually do.

10:36:00 talks to jumper about his pacifism and their parallels. He tells her about how he knows he’ll get too invested and he wont want to hold back. As opposed to being unable. 

7/24/24 

53:10 Zam goes to the trial chambers again “dude wait these slimes have strength, are they gonna kill me? Dude I wanted to feel something but now I’m just not feeling anything actually. I was, I was, I was expecting more of a challenge”

7/25/24 day 1 peace trials

16:30 “do you think SB737 is going to kill me if he finds me? His layer’s off, I think he ran away from spawn after that one. I could see him trying though. I’ve lowkey, dude, lowkey i've been wishing someone would kill me, unfortunately I did starve to death, so now I don’t wish someone would kill me anymore. But like, it’s just been sooo peaceful, building these past few days you know? Like i haven’t ran into any kind of metal peril in soooo long like that’s crazy you know. It’s been a hot minute.”

First time he talks about wanting to be chased. 

37:00 annoyed about SB butting him in D teir for how easy he would be killed.  “‘zam is the most aggressive pacifist’ yea! Cause I mean how else am I supposed to let my anger out other than with my words. I still have emotions. They're still there” 

7/29/24 

1:07:24 still ignoring Bacon “If I’m gonna be a pacifist and not kill people, I should be able to hold a grudge somehow” “my only fighting method” 

Plotting the shift in zam’s mindset is like making a color spectrum and it’s just ever so slightly gradient-ed and before you know it it’s just all red.

8/17/24 

58:00  MANE: “but think about how many hearts I’ve given you before Zam”  ASH: “WAIT. ZAm is accepting hearts from people That Kill? That’s not very peaceful of you zam. That goes against your oath. You’re just accepting heart that has, that puts blood on your hands. I’m not even joking about this” ZAM: “I-, I don’t. I don’t think it does.” ASH: “You’re benefiting from the spoils of the death that you claim to be so against”  Zam jumps away from the conversation at the same time. nervously? 

ZAM: “[calmly] if kills have already happened what am I supposed to do to stop it. I only care about myself not killing people” [parkouring over to the roof of the house] ASH: “You literally” ZAM: “not other people. The server can do whatever the fuck it wants. I don’t care” PANGI” aaahhhhh” ASH: “That’s the most. That’s the most selfish view” 

ZAM: “I learned from you! The best side to play is all sides, right? That’s what you said [...] hypocrytical as fuck” ASH: “I mean, I’m not claiming to be any good person, I’m just saying your whole oath and code of honor is” ZAM: “I’m not either. I’m trying to be a good person but, hey” PANGI: “You’re doing a really bad job I can tell you that, Zam” ZAM: “yea. [swings around to look at pangi] coming from you is crazy” 

1:03:00 “‘you’ve only done build commissions for incredibly violent people huh’ (arch) that is something to consider huh, am I [sharp breath in] let me put on the lore music hold on. Am I. and I, I don’t think I’m the worst person to- okay. No. you know what? It doesn’t matter. Because there are worse people on this server. So I’m not that bad by comparison [...] You know I’m doing better than I did last season [...] So I’m okay. I’m happy with my choices I feel like. I dunno. I mean like gaining, gaining hearts is not the worst thing in the world, it’s kind of like the point of the server is it not? I dunno. Hmmm ‘i mean violent people are the ones who have the hearts’ (citrus) exactly! Yea, my only, the only people I CAN do business with is the violent people”

“But by taking hearts from them am I not encouraging them to kill more? Yea, that’s something to consider as well, you know? Cause, but it’s like. Ugggghhh let me read through the oath again. ‘Are they killing other violent people or innocents’ (arch) that’s true! I mean. They kill innocents when they feel like killing innocents it depends on the person i’m dealing with. [...]  I can’t control what other people do. It’s not selfish [heavy emphasis. Meaning ashsawg’s comment] it’s just like, me controlling what I can control. You can only control, you should only worry about what you can control, and what I can control is limiting myself.”

“I mean shit. What do I even want these hearts for” 

“‘you got one kill’ ‘you killed planet’ okay okay okay you killed planet okay. I hate how many people are talking about that. [..]  ‘YOU CANNOT DENY IT ZAM’ yes I fucking can! Yes I fucking can! Because I shot at him as a fucking like bit, because was obviously never to kill him, and he took off all his fucking armor. I’ve been over it! I have been over it like a million times it’s insane! I gave back the heart too like what. [opens statistics] Like it doesn’t even count. [closes statistics] It does not count. ‘You’re still killing’ [mocking] you're still killing. Okay actual like bot opinion. Bot take. Actual bot take is what this is. Insane. Like actually insane. The fact that people are still on this is craaaazy like actually crazy. ‘PANGI HASN’T’ oohhhh that’s what this is about. That’s what this is about. That’s what this is about, it’s about pangi, and and pangi being better than me okay.” 

“That’s what this is about. It means nothing to me. Means nothing to me. I don’t care. PANGI LITERALLY- okay. Okay. okay. Okay. okay. Okay. okay. Okay. [giggle laugh] pangi is a pacifist because he wants to be. But that’s like. Dude, woogie 1 for 1 took my thing. Dude, it’s crazy how many people are pacifist why did everyone like take my thing I mean like the whole point is proof of concept is prove that it’s possible, right, but like heh heh. It’s also lame that other people are taking my thing. [more deranged leaning giggles] ‘everybody wants to be princezam.’ (mer) oh my god. “

8/19/24 

~1:11:00 found Mapicc in his base. MAPICC: “and i just like, when are you gonna kill people” ZAM: “pppffff [mocking/flabberghasted] ‘when are you going to kill people?’ [reduced to laughter] MAPCIC: ”mmhmm” ZAM: “I’m not!” MAPICC: “see that's so weird.” [...] ZAM: “you start critting me out I don’t fight back” MAPICC: “actually?” ZAM: “no like genuinely, yea” MPAICC: “wait. Okay [pots up and takes all armor off but helmet and boots]” 

1:34:00 “a little terrifying i can’t lie. it’s weird. I feel like after an encounter like that I’d have a teammate to go talk to about this. But there really isn't anyone like that this time around”

8/22/24 

3:30 about the mapicc infestation “It was a very interesting fight. Honestly one of my favorite fights of the season” 

19:40 “ohh ‘kaboodle the pacifist’ (evi4) Wait kaboodle the pacifist? Are we fucking serious. Yo. okay. Okay.  i’m not even going to say nothing bro. I’m not even going to say nothing. I’m. I’m not even going to say nothing. I’m not even going to say nothing. I’m not. I’m not even [starting to laugh]  going to say nothing, bro [deep breath in and out] how come the one season. Like the one season, that i do it and it’s like interesting, everyone else decides to do it. In season 4 no one copied subz. Everyone made fun of him. But now, but now i do it and everyone wants to fucking be me okay. Okay. no okay. No okay. No like. Bro. [so sad] [...] ‘Everyone is just scared of the big pvp-ers’ (arch) that’s true. It’s not even. It’s not even like me. Oh my god. It’s not even because i’m cool. No it’s not even because of me, it’s just they don’t want to get killed”

27:00 kab asks if she can talk to zam and get advice “oh bet. Oh i love giving advice to my fellow pacifists. My favorite thing to do ever” /sarcastic

31:40 Woogie drops in “Zam is amazing at making people peaceful”

34:00 “if your goal is pacifism, then yea, he’s passing, but if your goal is to not get murdered by people then you probably shouldn’t be destroying other people’s builds, you know. That’s how you start wars” about pangi’s pacifism. 

Which is ALSO interesting. Because zam cares about not starting wars because he doesn't want to get emotionally pulled into a fight.

ZAM: “its like i’m in a skit. And like, as soon as i start questioning one character, and another character comes out and is like “ooh i’m also a remake of you!” what the fuck is happening” 

“You know what’s keeping me going is that i’ll probably outlast them” 

42:40 “is this a bad thing? Am i bad for not wanting them to be a, [laugh] to be peaceful like me? Is that a bad thing? I mean like, i feel like, uhg. But it’s like, they- [sharp breath in] what is- what have THEY gone through? To want this change” 

“Like kaboodle is doing it to save her skin. Woogie is doing it to save his skin, like. It’s very different i feel like. It’s just very different. I [whispers] oh  my god. [spins around] what did. What do they know! What do they know. Oh my god. Fuck damn. I think that’s why i’m upset. It��s not that like, [long pause] bruh.” 

“How can i rise about the rest. That's what i want to do now. That’s what I wanna do now. I want to rise above the rest. That’s what i’m thinking about right now, i’ll be honest. How do I [sharp breath in] [blows air out] like. This is-. [grumble] this is stupid. This is dumb. I shouldn't even think about this. You know what this is dumb."

48:00 “it’s not like a fun thing to do. Like. I- being a pacifist has been like, it’s it’s had its moments i guess. I dunno though. Definitely, i’ll admit it, not the most.. fun. But uh. Thats. that’s besides the point. That’s okay. That’s.. that’s fine [deep breath in and out]” 

“‘being a pacifist isn't for everyone, you have to truly believe in the rules and know your own limits so you can be pacifist’ (hexlarry) but like that’s the thing, do i even like, fully believe in it? Cause now i’m starting to question myself. I mean I did it not so that i could save my own skin. I did it so that i could, i dunno, just avoid repeating prior mistakes. And things like that. Sooo. because getting myself into fights would probably lead me down a very very dark path and i don't want to [sharp breath] i don't wanna do all that so by avoiding conflict at all costs I, I can, what’s it called, hmmm [spins around] fuck [princezam distress noises] [...] ‘has something changed’ i dunno. I’d hope not”

“‘it feels like they’re mocking you a little’ (evu) a little bit! I guess so. That’s kind of true as well honestly. I dunno. Hmmm, it’s very. Very interesting. Very interesting turn of events. I dunno. It’s not that i feel like it’s my thing. I feel like everyone should be allowed to do it, it just feels like the way that they’re doing it kind of is like, i guess it is, i dunno. It’s a little bit like.. Hmm yea ‘it’s an easy way out to them’ (arch) to them, to them it doesn't have any of the same significance it does to me. They're doing it because they want to live longer, they want to hold onto their hearts longer, i’m doing it because I like- i essentially need to- ugh. I dunno. I’m doing it- hrmmm. No, i’m doing it because… Because i want to. Because I want to. I want to. It’s my decision. I want to do it. I dunno [jumps around thinking for a while]” 

The last part is said in the same tone he used during the Abyss arc when his team wasn't logging on to help him.

“It’s not about what other people have done though. It’s about me upholding an oath i guess. Me.. avoiding [giggle] repeating mistakes and stuff. Umm. i dunno ‘it’s a conflict with myself’ (mer) exactly. It’s entirely. Entirely within me. And that was a situation that, admittedly, I had control over. I could have just not shot my bow at him. It’s a lesson learned i guess. But. I dunno. I- I just hate it. I hate it so much because that was not meant to happen at all. Like. it’s ridiculous. Its just ridiculous i feel like. I dunno. ‘Bro is still talking about this’ yea because I care about it.”

8/23/24

5:38:00  WEMMBU: “you’re profiting off the economy of people being murdered” ZAM: “I don’t know if that’s true at all even. That’s just. [trying to talk while wemmbu is talking over him] Anyone who lives on this server is profiting off the economy bro. I don't know what you’re talking about. [...] That that’s like breathing air on this server is benefitting form the economy bro” WEMMBU: “and you’re the one that’s saying you’re and innocent soul bruh” ZAM: “i’m, somewhat innocent. I’m innocent to the point where I won’t lure someone to spawn so you guys can kill them. That's how innocent I am” WEMMBU: “wah wahh wah” 

And he leaves the group

ZAM: “Get me the fuck out of here. I simply participate in society. All i do is live and breathe air and try to live an honest to god living.”

~5:51:00 “‘Oh so you agree you’d be responsible in that scenario’ (arch) yea! If he’s going out of his way to kill people For That [the build he wanted to commission], like to pay For That, I feel like yea, I feel like then I’m definitely responsible. [...] But mane, flame, mapicc, they already have the hearts, I know they withdrew them from their hotbar, they did in front of me, it did the sound. So, yea. And flame just had a heart bank that he went and grabbed. So. yea no, those hearts were already acquired. They were, like, those kills happened, it’s over. It’s good.” 

8/24/24

2:13:00 “that was interesting. What a day. I almost hopped into a fight. Probably wont do it again, that was a one time offer. But. i dunno. I was willing to die for a cause. I wasn’t going to hit him.” 

“Maybe i faltered. Did I falter? By willing to fight? I wouldn’t hit him. I don’t think. Maybe I’d hit him. I don’t- [scoff] would it be fine as long as i don't kill him?” “it’s my rules” 

“Yea mapicc did get really excited when i mentioned pvp. That was really interesting. That was cool. I do have no critting yea. Hmmm. i dunno. I did just want to support my friend flame ‘you're just helping out a friend i think thats in the servers best interests’ (arch) that’s true. Yea. if i, i dunno, cause like the main goal is to just work in the server’s best interests. And i guess in that situation that, specific, little situation, fighting flame was actually in everyone, everyone who’s online’s best interests. Ironically. So yea. Despite it normally being the wrong answer, violence was kind of the answer to fixing that problem there. ” 

2:18:00  “I’m worried though. Like I feel like the lack of violence encourages me to like, i dunno” 

“I think people should be more violent, i think that’s fair, that’s what this server is about. I haven't changed my stance on that, the server is about killing people. It’s not about [giggle] the atrocities I’ve committed, that’s for sure” 

“‘That’s not very pacifist I mean’ like that’s whatever, it’s princezam then. It doesn’t matter. Pacifist is just the moniker I chose, but if it’s not fitting it’s not fitting. I’m doing whatever I believe” 

“‘the blowing up builds and killing weaklings was your more problem. not your violence inherently’ (arch) exactly. And unfortunately I feel like with any sort of violence [tsht] unfortunately all paths lead to that road. You know? Everything will just eventually get me there. I think it’s better to swear it off, you know. It’s just, It’s just for the better”

Flame blows up spawn.

2:52:00 “And my heart count too. I was trying to get to 20 but like - what does that even do, what is that even good for, if i can't do anythin- if i’m powerless to stuff like this, if i’m powerless to this. This. Like what’s the point, even like what’s-... I feel like everything I’ve done is just like actually completely futile now. Like, none of it matters. NONE of it matters, not even a little, if other people are just going to take up the mantle. What like, what’s the POINT?... I don't get it. I mean holding out, not giving in, despite all of this, would prove me as a way stronger player than him, but WHAT GOOD DOES THAT ACCOMPLISH. SO WHAT?! Like, he’s just going to do this again, like why does it matter? Why does it even matter? What the- what does moral highground get me? What does moral high ground even get me. Why did i think this was even a good idea even a little bit, [so loud] OH MY GOD. [pause] ‘It doesn't even mean anything to anyone but me’ (arch) exactly. This. oh my god. It’s not just to myself though (arch) it’s ahhh Fuck. It’s supposed to make up for everything I did- For just everything I did in general really. That’s what it’s supposed to be, but, like ah, does anyone care really? Does anyone care? Other than me? At this point I don't think so. There’s bigger problems. ‘Spawn looked the best this season’ it did. It really did. It really really did. It really did. [tabs out for a long time, just silent] i can't’ believe this. I can’t believe this. [sigh] oh my god. [leaning head back] Dude. and like. Oh my god. Yea no one is going to do anything that’s true. The fact of the matter is [laughing as talking] no one is going to do anything about this. Because no one cares. And that’s what he’s going to realize. [...] That’s all fine to me, it doesn't matter. It doesn’t matter. This is definitely the furthest I’ve wavered, on this path of mine. Dear god. [blows out breath] and i was the only one here to do anything about it oh my god [silence] ‘they did call me ground zero’ [puts head in hands while reading it] is it my fault? Is it my- wait you’re right. [breathing heavily] it kind of in a, in a weird, fucked up twisted way, it kind of is my fault. Because my stupid pacifism stuff it it spiraled out of control and got to woogie, got to pangi, it’s it’s like [grrr grumble] (all of chat is screaming that it isn't his fault.) I, oh my god. Oh my god. Dude like. I actually feel so dumb. I feel like I’ve wasted the past month or two. I’ve actually just feel like I’ve been wasting my time. Like, like none of that matters. Actually none of that matters, I feel like, anymore. And like, because I did all that, everyone else copied me. Everyone copied me, they were right! No, they were right. That’s the messed up part of this, is that they’re Right. And that they probably will get a fight out of this, that’s the Fucked up part of this” 

3:04:00 “If I fight them I give them exactly what they want. It’s so fucked up. There’s no, there's no winning option here. There’s nothing I can do to win” 

Realizes he can just rebuild. Rejuvenated in one second flat. 

“Do I just keep rebuilding it over and over? [...]  But I don’t care! I’m not giving up. I don't care, I don't care!” “this is literally what I do. What am I tripping for? This is literally what I do”

3:35:30 “I feel like most people would not have the mental fortitude to experience what I just experienced and then Not Fight. Like that is an absurd thing to do. But it’s a me thing to do. So” 

3:37:00 “i know i don't have all of my screws together, but i definitely, i think i could win a battle of mental fortitude if I wanted”

Talks to everyone and forms Gaia’s Hand

5:46:00 wrapping up stream along “dude I know like, i’m real confident and real happy and shit, but I , I am terrified. I am terrified [stares into a big cave thinking] i dunno. I'm not gonna second guess myself but. It’s just- it’s a scary battle. It’s a very scary battle. I dunno”

“Mean, I’m not alone. That's true. That definitely helps [...] I feel like the last time I spent a lot of time repairing spawn it didn't end too well. Lowkey that’s when everything went horribly wrong, actually. i feel like it’s just been downhill since there.”

“I am doing this to spite flame, but at the same time the thing I care about the most is just having the server where spawn can't just get destroyed. I dunno. That’s what I care about the most”

5:53:40 “‘you and your attachments to spawn’ (seri) [wistful] it’s, it’s the heart of the server. It’s the heart of the server. And, i dunno, I can’t, i can’t help myself but protect it. In every way that I can. I dunno. It’s just in my nature. Which is ironic, considering the atrocities I’ve committed.” 

8/29/24

44:30 “support the people trying to ban them and the builds won’t get destroyed anymore’ (chips) that’s true. But do the ends justify the means? Like sure I will get spawn builds being safe, but I’m, I also am taking some part in someone getting banned off the server. which, i dunno. I feel like i don't want to be a part of” 

45:00 “Is it for the greater good, or it for my greater good. It has to be objective, it can’t be a skewed biased point of view” 

1:05:20 “i can only control myself, and only the small few who have joined me” “kaboodle and woogie” “Ironically they’re truly the only ones who are part of gaia’s hand”

Week long break for MMCR

9/9/24

11:40 ZAM: “I’ve kind of realigned my look on the server [...] Everyone’s goal goes back to, like, killing. So I feel like if I help anyone I’m like sort of contributing to the violence on the server, which is something I- which I can’t prevent obviously but it’s not also something I’d like to contribute to. The whole point is I don't want to contribute to violence and you know, kill people I guess. I dunno” 

How far princezam has come. It was never about actual pacifism… except now it is. He truly is a pacifist now. He used to be a bad pacifist and now he’s just a pacifist for real. How interesting. 

19:00 “That’s just the spite and hatred in my heart. I’m full of hatred recently, that’s something i’ve noticed as well. Definitely something i’ve noticed” 

44:00 “I feel like nothing accomplishes anything. I feel like anything I would do would just make things worse. I dunno. Maybe that’s just me though. Maybe that's just me and the way I feel. I dunno” 

“I just want to win. You know? But how do I go about that even? There’s nothing to win against."

~1:27:00 “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind” “interesting phrase considering the circumstance I’m in. [...] yea i mean violence is good to those who love it. I’m just unfortunately not one of those people. At least at the moment. [pause] Well I wouldn't say at the moment actually. I would say I’m not one of those people. For sure. Used to be. Not anymore.” 

1:53:00  “when i think of goals, the first thing that comes to mind is like, laying in a field of flowers. That’s what I want to do. That’s what I want to do. I dunno”

9/11/24

~40:00 “it makes me question what my path is, cause i’m not, i’m not i’m not i’m not  i’m not a killer or anything at least i don't want to kill anyone, i don't want to be doing that. Soo where does that leave me?  What am I gonna do, what am I princezam gonna do.” 

[forlornkiller]

I think this ending was so good for this show because it keeps everybody in a state of motion. We’re able to almost picture or envision what the future is going to be like for them because some cycles are destined to repeat but each character has such different destinies you know? this show is so amazing every scene has so much to unpack…. im only gonna choose a couple moments but I hope they resonate

comparing Kendall and roman……. I think we all knew that roman was abused by Kendall growing up but in previous contexts, it seemed like he had changed…. at least yelling at Logan for his direct abuse but to see Kendall do that to Rome was fucking heartbreaking man . tears in my fucking eyes like he does not. deserve this. nobody fucking deserves this and fuck Logan Roy and every fucking abuser that willingly and even gleefully chooses fucking abuse. kendall seemed resigned to his fate to abuse his brother but it’s just not true man. maybe there was more sorrow than glee in his abuse but only maybe. and either way it’s not fucking right. The acceptance of their nothingness is different yet the same…… so many things are different but the same do u know what I mean ?

Kendall, with protection, but never able to do anything again is a fate i can accept for him. It was really interesting to see how their relationships with other people were again and may I just say. I think it’s quite incredibly clear what Kendall and Stewy had and currently flirt with…… i love that but I hate that for them. As delulu it might be for Stewy to think he can save Kendall, he totally thinks that and who knows . maybe some cool fuck shit happens and Kendall’s able to keep one relationship in his life he cares about. but I guess we won’t see .

Oof going back to Roman’s dig about Rava and her kids…….. i think his relationship with them is so fucked and there isn’t enough time for repentance. He spent so long holding onto a dream that was never real and not even worth having in the end, and knowing that so much of his life was around this one thing. seven years old to now….. maybe some intense psychotherapy and retrospection for years is what he needs. it’s probably the only thing he’s gonna get

,, and in this sense I almost wonder if Connor and Kendall are closer than ever as eldest boys. Connor was never offered the dream, and he never became anything. Kendall is what happens when you offer it and it disappears, making u realize it was never really there in the first place. Might’ve been something, but definitely isn’t now. I also think reducing Connor to nothing is not a fair characterization but he’s not really something either.

Shiv……… i wish there was a way free for her. I’m not the greatest at imagining shiv futures but I somehow see purgatory yet nothing at all. She got the deal, she didn’t get CEO and her reputation got a bit fucked but she’s still married to the CEO. whose baby she’s pregnant with. And who she doesn’t like, i don’t think. Because hurting her has been the way she understands love, i think she’s more into Tom than ever and i think she needs him. He holds a lot of power but in the end he offers love one way, she doesn’t respond that way and they stay together but apart. I can’t tell anymore if it’s real or fake. I think Shiv believes what she said, that once you say all the worst shit to each other you can still be together but part of that is WANTING to be together. If you say all the worst shit and at the end don’t know if you want to come back, then I think you shouldn’t get back together. They just keep making bad decisions. Sometimes relationships are best when both people realize how close they are is not how close they actually want to be or should be. Tom offering his hand in the car…….. she called him a phony and I think I agree. There might’ve been love there.. an opportunity to win love but Shiv doesn’t fight for those things, she takes them as givens. A lot of the tragedy in succession is about timing. Bad things happening right when things were getting good, maybe. The consequences of their actions meet later actions and become perfectly destructive. Okay i got distracted back to shiv and Tom i can’t tell who is trapping who with this baby. I am incredibly sad for this future child and wish that Tom got out now, fuck waystar royco and take his piece of shit and go!!!! but they’re in too deep now.

Switching to tomgreg 🤩 sucking the dick of white supremacy, but maybe making changes internally about how things are done. Tom is better than Logan on most levels I think, and great at his fucking job. Will he be able to counter Logan’s legacy with his own consider his part in advancing Logan’s? Wash his hands free from sins?? i don’t really think so but I think he might want to…….. i always have hope like a dumbass hehe but yea I have been wanting Tom and Gerri team up since the beginning on season 4 and while it’s sad to not see that in action, im glad it’s a definite future. I think she’ll see that Tom can actually be competent. Okay sandwiching Tom and Gerri with Tom and Greg, that sticker shit was fucking cute and I totally thought they were gonna kiss before that. Their fight was so fucking funny LOL i did genuinely enjoy watching that. Fed my tomgreg soul for sure 😌

In regards to mattson (and then I’m going back to Gerri and then I’m gonna SLEEP!!) i think what he wanted with his numbers happened, them getting lost in the deal dazzle? It went through and now everybody’s fucking rich. The thing is idk all the legal business stuff so is this gonna fuck everybody over in a couple weeks to months? No clue but for now Mattson’s kinda on top of the world. I really don’t like him tho hehe i hope he gets smashed to death by a pile of his own blood bricks. I wonder if Tom will actually be his front man, or try to kill him at some point too? The urge to serve is so strong in him…… but do I firmly believe that with a healthy kinky relationship with somebody PERHAPS GREG. he would be able to fulfill that and also rule the world? Absolutely man it’s just abt balance 😌 my belief that the acceptance of bdsm would fix so many things in our society & in succession is unshakable okay don’t question me. ANYWAYS

Gerri….. a queen as always. Roman pining from afar is so sad so tragic reminding himself of her with every drink he drinks and thought he thinks. One of THE biggest regrets and him saying that he’s nothing, that all the sibs are nothing? I think in this moment it’s true. I can feel how that is truth for him. With Gerri’s brief flashes of emotion during the funeral ….. i have hope. Succession aside, i really believe have faith in love and its power to save lives & transcend death. I think what they had bw them was real, and with the scripts as well I don’t think that connection was faked. What makes my heart hurt is that in the past it seemed like Gerri was the only one in the room who cared if he was hurt. She can’t necessarily protect him but she sees him. He doesn’t have that, the three sibs don’t have anybody that really loves & knows them enough to be able to deal with this trauma but I don’t think hope is totally gone. I’m an optimist in the end

God this is fucking long I’m a wordy person but overall? GOD i love this show!!! I really think they ended it at a great spot in this way where things keep going. Nobody’s story ever really ends, it feels like it does and to the person living their story it might but being able to watch their lives? You realize that it doesn’t end. I think Jesse’s commentary on the fear behind ending Succession here is super valid though, because there is a message here that is ultimately anti capitalist. If we were able to really see, at length the way we’ve seen the first cycles, how their cycles continue I think it would really wake a lot of people up to how things operate in this society. The longer this nation goes on, the longer the abuse this nation was founded from goes on. I’m going to end here but wow this show has given me so much to think about when it comes to love, abuse, capitalism, society & American culture as a whole like goddamn. What a show man what a show

[awkwardtickleetoo]

You can thank my tickle dreams for this one. (I just so happened to be really ler for George last night)

I feel like George can't handle teases about him being trapped. I'll use Sapnap as an example because he's closest to me. So in the dream George is pretty much just annoying him like a little brother would which earns him a clawed hand to the side of his ribs. He squirms a bit away so his hand jumps to the other set of ribs which catches him off guard. When he tries to get up Sapnap pulls him back down and is now sporadically getting every spot he can reach, not pinning him in any way, just pulling him back when he tries to roll away or get up. Just repeating "Oohhh, you can't get away~! You get get awaaayy~! You're trapped~! You're stuck here~! You can't get out~!" Things like that and George can't even for rebuttals, all he can do is just let out little yells in protest

funnily enough these are actually some of my favorite teases for george as well omg

bc it’s just true right???? like he would fucking. HATE that shit it would get him soooo bad, poor baby :((( he just gets so blushy and shy and nervous bc he knows it’s true so he can’t deny it or he’ll be proven wrong, which means literal torture most times, but even if he wanted to deny it he can’t bring himself to bc he’s so giddy he can barely form words other than whiny little “no!! :(“s and “shut up!!”s and so on

and like. you know george would love being thrown around like a little ragdoll, squirming in sapnap’s arms and trying to push at his hands or shoulders or head or anything like that, it would make him soooo much more giggly and squirmy and nervous and excited that it would make it even harder for him to escape. and sap knows that, so he plays it up even more than he already would, moving his hands around and grabbing george in such stupid ways, maneuvering him into whatever position he wants (especially ones that make it harder for george to get out, bc he knows he loves it), and teasing him non stop as he does so

especially when he over exaggerates it, george loves that too but it gets him so so embarrassed and bashful, which only eggs sap on, of course, how could it not when george is so damn cute when he’s embarrassed????

it’s like clockwork each time too: george annoys him, sap grabs at his ribs or sides or thighs or wherever he happens to feel like that time, george immediately backpedals and does the “no don’t!! i didn’t mean it i’ll stop i’ll stop!!” that does absolutely nothing, and then sap is pulling him into his lap and latching onto his hips <3 and george knowsssss its coming too so he’s immediately squirming and yelling before he falls into helpless laughter and fights to pry sapnap’s hands away

but then sap says “aww, where are you going? you think you’re gonna get away?? that’s so cute, poor baby thinks he can get away :(“ and now he has to struggle picking between hiding his face and shoving sapnap away, which. is not helping his escape attempt. bc how is he supposed to not cover his face when sapnap keeps teasing him exactly how he knows will get him!!! all “you’re stuck with me forever!!!” and “you’re never getting away!!” and “aw, georgie, i bet it tickles so much more when you’re trapped like this, doesn’t it, cutie?” and he’s just. a goner. all he can do is shake his head and laugh and squeak out “im sorry!!!” every so often in the hopes that sapnap will take pity on him (even tho his incredibly happy giggles ruin the apologetic words)

and sapnap knows the difference between george “squirming to get away” and george actually squirming to get away, so he knows when to stop– even if he pushes a little bit further just to hear george’s desperate pleads before he decides he’s had enough.

as george calms down, sapnap stays clung onto him, wrapping his arms and legs around him like a koala and letting george fall into another round of giggles as he playfully shoves at him again and complains that he’s “gross” or “stupid” or the occasional “let me go sapnap i hate you im not kidding” that earns him a hearty laugh from sapnap as he squeezes him tighter. they usually chill like that for a while after, sometimes with some additional gentle tickles if george is still in the mood for them (or if he happens to want sapnap to have a taste of his own medicine, which does happen, but only lasts for a little while as sapnap is much, much stronger than george no matter what the situation is).

usually they’ll watch a show after, sometimes on the couch but sometimes going into one of their rooms, and sometimes even ending the playful night with one or both of them falling asleep, but they both love every part of it no matter how it ends up going <3

[goose-duck]

Mandela catalogue short scenarios ✨ angsty ✨

~~~~~~

"ah! Mother fuck- you fucking ass!!" Jonah yelled, jumping around in pain.

Adam is just giving Jonah a look as if Jonah is crazy, "come on, it wasn't that bad.."

Jonah glares at Adam, "you broke my fucking rib!"

"stop being dramatic, the worst you'll get is a bruise." Adam says annoyed.

"you're so damn weak, Jonah." Adam follows up his words with an annoyed sigh.

Jonah walks over to Adam, a harsh pained look on his face, "you're a real dick, you know that?"

Adam responds by letting out a sarcastic chuckle, elbowing Jonah in the ribs again. This prompts Jonah to whine in pain and clutch his midsection.

"why the fuck would you do it again!?" Jonah yelled, tears in his eyes.

Adam responds, "because you look funny when you're in pain" he snickers a bit.

Jonah just lets out a defeated sigh, falling to the floor with a thud and laying there, groaning in pain. Adam just laughs some more before calming himself and smirking at Jonah.

Jonah glares at Adam from his spot on the floor, "quit staring, creep."

"don't think I will." Adam responds in a snarky manner, enjoying bothering Jonah.

~~~~~~

Cesar is sitting on a bench with Mark, the two are just chatting when Cesar's mother walks by.

"watch out for balls, mark!!" She says, continuing on past them.

Hearing this prompts Cesar to start laughing, mark blushes in embarrassment.

"what was that about? Ahaha!" Cesar laughs, having not noticed how embarrassed his friend is.

Mark responds quietly, "quit laughing you ass..."

Cesar starts trying to calm himself but can't completely quell his laughter, calming it to a quiet snicker.

"okay! Okay...tell me..." Cesar gets out between little giggles.

Mark sighs, the blush on his face subsiding a little, "well...you know how I have this black eye..?" Mark turns to look at Cesar.

Cesar looks back at him and nods, "it's pretty nasty, hard to miss." Cesar is a bit more serious now as it is true, the black eye is a lot more than just Mark's eye, it's a quarter of his face.

Mark continues, now looking away from Cesar, "well...you remember that ass? Ronald? Well...he..uh.." Mark sighs, some tears forming in his eyes, prompting him to further hide his face from Cesar by putting his hands over his face.

Cesar looks worried, gently putting a hand on Mark's shoulder, "what did he do to you..?" Cesar sounds concerned and angry, he's worried about his best friend, but he needs to know what happened before he does anything.

"its not like it was intentional...its just...the way he acted after...that's what the problem was..." Mark says, sounding like he's about to cry.

Cesar prompts Mark to continue, "it's okay ..keep going buddy...im here..." comfortingly squeezing his best friend's shoulder.

Mark continues his story through a broken voice, holding back tears, "well, he hit me in the head with a base ball, which wasn't his fault, it was just bad circumstances, wrong spot wrong time kinda thing...but after...he...when he saw me in pain he laughed...he said 'finally, that dream's suffering', he laughed and said he hopes my brain is bleeding so I'll die..." Mark finally just gives up, letting himself cry.

Cesar holds mark tightly in a hug, rubbing his back and telling him everything will be okay.

"oh..ah...its okay...well...its not...everything will be okay...its gonna get better ..okay..? Cry all you need to...im here for you...ill be here...okay..?" Cesar says as Mark cries on his shoulder.

~~~~~~

Jonah's sitting in math class, they have a test, Jonah hates tests. He's one of those people that is great at everything until he has to take a test then he loses everything, can't even remember 2+2.

Jonah's sitting there at his desk, staring at the paper, he hasn't even answered the first question and it's already been 10 minutes. He starts sweating, getting stressed. All he can think about is how stupid he is, how his mother will tell at him for getting a bad mark on his test, how he'll be sent to his room and not given dinner.

Jonah starts to breathe heavily, his vision blurring a little. He knows exactly what's happening, he's having a panic attack. He hates when this happens, he hates feeling so powerless over his emotions. Jonah sits there, slowly breaking down more and more as tears finally begin to fall, making the test paper wet and smearing what little ink was on it.

Jonah starts to get more upset seeing this, thinking about how pathetic he is for crying over something other people find so easy. Why was he so stupid? Why'd he have to freeze up? Why's he crying? These thoughts raced through Jonah's mind, putting more pressure on his already distressed mind.

Adam is sitting beside Jonah, Adam finds tests easy, having finished this one in record time, 20 minutes. Adam hears Jonah sniffling and looks over at him, seeing Jonah shaking and the tears on his paper he makes a weird face at the side of Jonah's head, not understanding why Jonah was crying.

Adam may not know how to express he cares or like to express it, but he is a bit worried seeing Jonah has only written his name and the date on the paper. Adam wonders why Jonah's got nothing done and why he's crying. As Adam's thinking he's making a face, it looks like he's glaring at Jonah, like he's annoyed with Jonah for crying, but he's not, he's just not sure what to make of this.

Jonah looks over at Adam, seeing that look on Adam's face Jonah assumes he pissed Adam off and starts whining his tears, trying to make the crying stop. Adam sees this and realizes the face he's making, relaxing his face and giving Jonah a concerned look. Jonah doesn't see this look though, only telling himself off mentally for assumedly bothering Adam.

Adam raises his hand, calling the teacher over. Adam asks to go to the cafeteria and get something to eat since he's done with his test. The teacher gives him the okay and Adam leaves.

Seeing Adam leave so quickly after him seeing Jonah's tears solidifies for Jonah that he'd bothered Adam with his crying, making Jonah insult himself further.

Adam walks down to the cafeteria with the intent of getting something to make Jonah feel better. Adam isn't good with words and given they're in a test he wouldn't be able to use them even if he knew how, so instead he's using his actions.

When Adam gets the the cafeteria he asks what they have available. The lunch ladies give him the list, when Adam hears there's jelly filled cookies he buys two and quickly rushes back to class. Jonah loves jelly cookies, how could Adam not get him one? He of course bought himself one two, he's got a while until the class is over and snacking may make the time pass quicker.

Adam gets back to class and sets a cookie on Jonah's desk before sitting down in his desk and munching on his cookie, no longer paying attention to Jonah and just zoning out from pure boredom.

Jonah seems Adam set the cookie on his desk and stops crying for a second, shocked Adam wasn't upset with him but had in fact gotten him a cookie presumably to make him feel better, or maybe just to shut him up? Either way it's a cookie from Adam rather than an insult or an annoyed scowl so Jonah will happily take it.

Jonah eats the cookie, calming down enough to try again with his test, he's got 30 minutes left, maybe he can do it. Jonah looks over at Adam hoping for reassurance but Adam's just staring into space. Jonah sighs and smiles to himself, it's just like Adam to be staring into space when done his work, he can do literally anything else, like draw or listen to music, hell, he could even leave the class, yet every time he chooses to just sit and wait for Jonah.

Jonah begins his test, still not confident he can do it, but feeling better knowing his best friend will still be there when it's over.

[audrinawf]

omg i’m not sure if i sent in this ask or not so if you see this question twice i apologise :((

from your recent post, “I manifested my dream apartment , dream engagement and dream life in just 2 months”

i get that everyone’s journey is different but i would love to know if you could list out things you did to get where you are?

be it law of assumption, void, shifting, spiritual things, non spiritual things, i love that u give long answers so i’m already so excited to read your answer to this!

im really gonna take a good look at myself, start now and not stop till i get what i want. I think your blog is very helpful too!!

ooooh I love this question!

So I would say I did 3 things mainly.

First I tried to think of what kind of person I had to be to manifest my dream life. It can be hard but I realized that I was going to be someone that didn’t worry about money so I stopped any kind of talk about money. I didn’t discuss finances with friends. I absolutely never complained about money. I noticed that I had a lot of friends that would make self deprecating jokes about money or that their paycheck sucked and I made sure not to engage in those conversations cause I didn’t want to make it a habit to talk negatively about money. Once we start to do this we realize how much we actually engage in negative self talk. It’s such an unconscious behavior we don’t even realize it.

And I think you can apply this to other areas as well. Like if you’re looking to manifest a relationship then don’t engage in negative talk about the gender you’re looking to date and vice versa.

Second thing is I created a routine that I was serious and disciplined with. My routine was meditating every day even when it wasn’t fun. I did five minutes to start with. And then I visualized my ideal life every night as I was falling asleep. The trick was to get into the hypnogogic state which is the state where you are between wakefulness and asleep. When you’re in that state you’re brain shuts down it’s defenses and doesn’t attack you with negative beliefs that you’ve picked up on over the years. This is also when you’re brain literally believes everything you think and imagine. Cause the logical brain is sleeping so if you image yourself in your dream house your brain actually thinks you are in fact in your dream house. And this works cause whatever you believe will manifest. So the key is to attack your brain with things it will believe when it’s in the hypnogogic state. I think a lot of the times our manifestations don’t come true cause we don’t believe we can have them. See one part of us does but the part of our brain that is awake and functioning 99% the time doesn’t so we never get our manifestations. So this is how I bypassed my brain every night. It was hard at first cause I would rather watch TikTok’s at night then to sit and visualize a life that was very unclear to me but it became clearer every time I did it.

Now as I researched and learned about the hypnogogic state I learned more about hypnosis and the link between hypnosis and manifestations which is how I created my hypnosis that I’m releasing next week. So instead of just meditating I did the hypnosis every day and the visualizations at night. That’s when I started reading up on Neville Goddard and the law of assumption and started to do these quantum jumps, now I know the term quantum jump is not from Neville but I discovered it around the same time.

Also another thing on my strict spiritual routine was that I unfollowed so many people on social media, I took a break from so many friendships (nothing dramatic I just declined invites and spent that extra time by myself during this period). It was a true detox. I unfollowed influencer and anyone that had a negative mindset or a lack mindset. I took a break from reading the news, engaging in anything that would upset me such as politics and animal rights activists on social media. I took a huge break from reading the news and watching any tv shows that triggered any of my traumas. I was only listening to feel good music and watching cozy feel good shows. Oh and I almost forgot but I was a HUGE crime junky I loved listening to crime podcasts but that also had to go during this period.

And the third thing was that once I finally stuck to a disciplined routine of meditating and hacking my subconscious for 2-3 weeks I could finally have fun with my manifestations journey. This is when I did a physical vision board but also one on my phone that I had as my Lock Screen. Cause at this point I had been visualizing my ideal life and every time I did it it became clearer and clearer cause the first time I did it I had no idea what I wanted my life to look like beyond a few shallow manifestations here and there. At this point I could see exactly what my ideal day looked like. I knew the kind of food I was eating, the way i dressed, looked and carried myself and even how people reacted to me. The picture was crystal clear. So now I knew exactly what to put on my vision board cause vision boards are POWERFUL! I manifested two apartments in the span of 7 months using a vision board (btw that’s a story I love to tell my friends and I realize now that I haven’t actually shared it here yet so I will do so in a different post) but there’s legit something magical about vision boards but you have to prime your mind before you do it.

I also had a love list and a digital manifestation journal that I made where I would plan elaborate luxury trips and make lists of all the expensive furniture and items I was going to buy and every single think in my journal came true. The trick was that I would plan my vacation itinerary with the belief that is was going to happen. You see I don’t believe I need the money right now to plan my trip. I can plan my dream trip now and the universe will find a way for the trip to happen. And I applied that to all of my manifestations. I can definitely elaborate on this technique if you guys are interested but it’s a very fun technique that works for me. I also used my digital manifestation journal for other things not just trips!

And lastly for now cause I’m going to bed but I promise that I will make so many more posts on this topic. So because I was meditating everyday I strengthened my intuition and so I used my intuition to make new choices every day. If you’re looking to manifest a whole new life you need to be making different choices from the ones that led you to your current reality. And of course we can’t know exactly step for step how our manifestations will turn out but we need to take one new step every day. So that’s what I did. Instead of getting paralyzed by uncertainty and fear of how my manifestations would happen I trusted that the universe would reveal the way step by step every day. And IT WORKED! I got new ideas every single day and I followed my intuition every day and trusted my gut and that how all of my manifestations revealed themselves to me.

[mothlover69]

I DEMAND LEON KENNEDY SELF SHIP LORE!!!

(I don't know anything about Resident Evil other than what my brother's told me but I'm genuinely curious.)

AAA def using this ask as an excuse to talk about how we get together ❤️

Going under the cut cuz it got away from me

I meet him at a bar when im like 21 or 22 and hes around 43/44 cuz that is definitely where that man spends a majority of his time when hes not on missions. We get to talking, he buys me drinks, he thinks im cute but he can tell im pretty young compared to him. He honestly feels kinda guilty for being attracted to me

He gets a couple drinks in and starts flirting. Obviously i flirt back. But nothing happens that night and we go our separate ways

One day, couple weeks later, im out running errands or something. The suns starting to set, im walking home, and there's not that many people around. Some asshole catcalls me, i flip him off, like i usually do. But i guess i have really bad luck that day because this guy decides to pull over and get out of his car. He starts following me, yelling something about how hes gonna kill me. I start walking faster, hoping to get to the next block where i know there'll be more people.

Suddenly, someone else appears next to me. I was so focused on the guy following me and trying to, like, survive that i dont see where they came from.

Oh my god you'll never guess who it is. Yeah, it's Leon.

Since there's now a big, buff man carrying a gun next to me, and we clearly know each other, the guy following me suddenly doesn't seem too keen to keep threatening me. But Leon still turns to him with a cold expression and asks him what he thinks he's doing.

Dude takes one look at him and just turns and books it.

Leon asks if im okay and then walks me home. He figures he should probably leave, but he asks if i want him to stick around for a bit 'just to be safe'. Really, he just cant help but want to spend more time with me. Even if he feels like he shouldnt.

I accidentally triggered his savior complex and now he wants me even more

Obviously, I say yes. Hot older guy that just saved my ass wants to hang out for a bit? Literal dream come true

At first we just talk. He's funny, and we keep making each other laugh. But the more time we spend with each other, the more the tension grows

His self control keeps getting thinner and then the two of us are unconsciously leaning towards each other while we talk. He makes some kind of teasing remark that makes me pout at him and suddenly he cant take it anymore. He grabs my face and kisses me

Im ecstatic, enthusiastically kissing him back until he pulls away with a flushed face and dark eyes

He tells me that we shouldnt do this, that hes so much older than me, and i tell him hes being stupid. Making a big deal out of nothing. And he looks so guilty, torn between his desire for me and his desire to be an honorable man that doesnt sleep with someone half his age

It doesnt take much to convince him to give in. And then im on his lap and we're making out again

He spends the night. I make him breakfast the next day because with those abs he must be starving. I tell a bad joke and he cracks up and seeing me in the morning sunlight that streams through the window... he does not want this to be a one time thing. He doesn't want to be without me

So after breakfast he asks me on a proper date, and apologizes for not doing so before. Formally asks me to be his partner. Of course i say yes

And the rest is history

Anyway..

But yeah, my s/i is a normal citizen that doesnt have anything to do with the actualy resident evil lore. I dont fight BOWs, i dont work for the DSO, im separate from all of that. And Leon really appreciates having something important in his life thats.. normal. Im something stable and soft for him to come home to. The thought of me is what keeps him strong when hes off on his missions.

Oh i got sappy good bye o////o

[remcycl333]

I just wanna share something that's been helping me and i hope this will reach out and help those who have the same struggles as me.

So i usually struggle when it comes to 3d and whenever the 3d shows me something that is unfavorable i always spiral and get anxious and often ask myself, "why isn't here yet?" "when will i get it?" and i will feel so bad and impatient. But something clicked on me, i'm sure most of us probably already know that our assumptions create our reality and if that's the case then why not assume that your 3d only shows you favorable circumstances and that your 3d always shows you your desires.

The moment i realized this i finally fully understood what other people meant when they said, don't treat your 3d as your enemy. Because when we think about it, if all of our desires are already here in the 3d, we won't treat our 3d as an enemy right? We're not gonna think that our 3d is something unfavorable and undesirable. In fact, it is a dream. A dream that is already yours.

And i swear, when i had this realization everything was just so easy. Whenever i see a post here on tumblr about the 3d and how unfavorable circumstances don't matter, I would immediately scroll down and don't have the need to read them to know where i went wrong and fix everything because I already have the "my 3d only shows me favorable circumstances and it only shows me all of my desires" mindset. And it seems like unfavorable circumstances, spiraling, wavering, negative thoughts or anything that ruins my manifestation does not exist in my vocabulary and will never be.

Now, i just feel so calm and relaxed knowing that my desires are already mine. Knowing that my desires are not something that is separated from me or it's gonna run away from me because it is already mine right at this very moment.

I honestly don't know if this makes sense but i hope it does and reaches those who are struggling with the 3d.

Always assume the best and always remember that all of your desires are already yours right at this very moment ♡

yuppp this is all so true! im so glad to you came to that realization!! 🤍

what a lot of people fail to realize is that when we say our assumptions create everything, we mean everything. if you assume your 3D is shit, or that your desire isn't here yet, or that you see no movement, that's what you're gonna get. change those assumptions!!

[stormyoceans]

Monica, you and me both. i seriously hope they don't do anything to mess up what we've going on now. because it's been a perfect streak so far and i really badly don't want it ruined. but i don't really trust thai bls that much. the dad showing up completely uncalled for like that was a little bit of turn off for me in that matter. (cause i dint think that was a very important storyline, barely relevant at all to what we've seen of Day's story so far) and i hope that doesn't take more than 5 mins to get resolved. forced separation my beloathed. i also worry night and day will not be resolved as satisfactorily as i want it to (tho i hear we can trust p'aof on that) as there are only 4 more eps left and it's probably not gonna happen in ep 3. andd. as for one last thing, i also wish and hope desperately we get a bit of a reversal in their dynamic. with day being more of a crutch to mohk than the other way around. you know just to complete the picture on both sides. anyways, manifesting nothing but the best. -Skate

MORE RAMBLINGS AND SPECULATIONS AND PERSONAL WORRIES AND FILMING SPOILERS ABOUT LAST TWILIGHT UNDER THE CUT (just to be safe because i really don't wanna ruin people's excitement with my negativity. im also afraid my nomnom card might get revoked ;;;;;;;;)

i personally didn’t mind day’s dad showing up at the end of episode 8 because he has been mentioned since episode 2 and there’s also been a lot of emphasis on day’s mom being a single mom who raised him and night by herself, so i did expect day’s dad to play a role in the story at some point. i do agree that his introduction was rather abrupt tho, like day bringing him up out of nowhere while talking to mork and implying that songkhla was his hometown was a bit too on the nose imho, i think it could have been done a little bit better, but i’ve forgiven shows for much worse. once again my main fear with day’s dad is that he was introduced just to explain why he and ramon separated hence kind of foreshadowing mork and day also eventually separating, which as we previously established i would HATE

and you know it's not like im against separation on principle, i do think it could work for morkday if, let's say, mork was offered a job he's really passionate about in another town and was upfront about it with day and day told him 'you can't be my caretaker forever, you are my boyfriend, i want us to be equal, take this opportunity and make your dreams come true', because i do also agree with you on the fact that we've always seen mork supporting day and i need to have day supporting mork as well to balance things out a little bit more (not to always bring up vice versa but one of the main reasons i love puentalay is the mutuality and equality of their relationship). if this were to happen, they could still talk to each other on the phone and have mork go visit day over the weekend, they would still have a relationship based on love and understanding which is what their entire journey has been about. if this were to happen, i would become separation nr. 1 fan. i would be ready to print every single word of doubts i've ever expressed about the last 3 episodes and literally EAT THEM. the problem is that even if we're talking about p'aof, i can't fully trust him with not going down the misunderstanding route and not making them broke the promise they made of always holding each other's hands. i know that in bad buddy he made everyone think patpran broke up only to say SIKE, but unfortunately that's not enough to reassure me

the only hope i have is this picture

which to me does look like a 'mork is torn about leaving for his dream job but day is giving him his full support', but unfortunately I HAVE TRUST ISSUES OKAY. I'VE BEEN HURT BY SHOWS BEFORE. and i can't really explain this shot of mork crying in the trailer unless it's about day breaking up with him

SO. TRUST ISSUES

day and night's reconciliation is honestly the thing im less worried about because i do fully believe it's gonna happen, maybe not right away because if night was indeed somehow responsible for day losing his sight i think day is gonna need more time, but i think we're gonna see them finally have a proper talk with each other and by the end of it day is gonna leave an opening for their relationship to heal and go back to what it used to be

BUT YEAH IM JUST GONNA BE PRAYING FOR THE BEST THAT'S ALL WE CAN DO

[yuukei-yikes]

REASONS TO LOVE SHINTARO AS A CHARACTER:

first of all; hes a gamer boy depicted as he really is and not what he thinks he is: a fucking loser who fails at every social situation and also stinks

aside from the jokes, i think he has two main songs in the whole series: toumei answer and lost time memory. im just gonna share lyrics from each song that makes me go INSANE thinking about him:

"The alarm that starts ringing/Says to my lonely self: you're a coldhearted fool" <- his guilt here is delicious to me like he blames himself for her death and yes he did act shitty and he abandoned her but he didnt do it out of malice he did it bc he didnt know how to approach her but he thinks he killed her and its also killing him OUGH

"The color of your hair/The shape of your smile/Someone might have already forgotten it" <- and then HES the one who forgets everything about ayano bc of the trauma like here he laments that her absence that has already changed his entire world might be this insignificant to someone else AND YET AND YET HIS MIND LOCKS HER OUT ITS JUST. OUGH

(NOT TO MENTION HIS FACIAL EXPRESSION WHEN HE SEES THE FLOWERS WHEN HE REALIZES WHEN HE SEES THE PAPER CRANE)

(get ready for lost time memory brainrot bc that kills me every fucking time its my fav song)

"Even after years, the shadow doesn't fade/It only invites more emotions." <- he doesnt remember but the absence is heavy on his mind it KILLS me

"If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward/I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead." <- self destructive EVEN in the good route where hes not as suicidal like being self deprecating is a huge part of his brain

"Feeling hazy, let's remain unaffected today too/And keep up yesterday's pace/So that I won't ever forget your warmth/If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then/I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from" <- GOING INSANE GOING FERAL hes SO FULL OF REGRET and hes SUCH A STUPID BITCH that his solution is to stay in his own head and live in his dreams (literally) like i want to hug him and i want to slap him

"A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again/While clinging on to your colorful smile" <- just imagining how route X shintaro is often colored with black and dull colors bc his world has lost the color OUGH

(god just. the ending part where he desperately reaches out to clutch ayano vs him moving on from the tragedy and the proud and tearful smile of ayano just HNNGGH HE REALLY GREW DIDNT HE)

(and who cant relate to wanting to change things bc u lost ur chance before but u cant change anything so u just disappear into ur head trying to either comfort urself by daydreaming or trying to find other stuff, try to forget ur will and wallow in passivity, its just so *chefs kiss*)

i get it hes not a very likable person and he does act shitty and bratty and the anime really doesnt give him the floor to change BUT!!! give him a chance and he WILL become ur poor little meow meow. guaranteed.

reply under read more cuz this should be its own post!! and also all i gotta say is YESSSS YEEEES YESSSSS shintaro is. such a good character and i also wanna cry my eyes out with EVERYTHING abt lost time memory.

he's just a stupid guy and the thing abt shintaro is that he will ALWAYS do what's right. he has a very strong sense of justice and he's very clear on his principles. and he will always speak up for others and stand up for what he thinks is right. and this like... a HILARIOUS virtue for a character who is ALSO so awkward, difficult to approach, bratty and self centered. like that's so funny.he is such a special little guy and HE IS AWESOME

he's so cringe fail and an asshole but he's also the hero and deserves praise for it. like cry about it. he is a good guy but he's also the worst. but also he's the best. hope that helps

he and ayano are such character foils... like.... both have this strong sense of justice and they're really really REALLY the damn heroes. hold on i need to cry a little

[brandnewhuman]

ELIJAH KAMSKI HCS

Starring:

Our fav funky gen Z hermit

CONTENT

Tw: mentions of drugs and mature language

A/N: RANDOM HEADCANONS OF MY FAV BOI LET'S GO. I will probably do more cause at this point Im literally writing more for me than for anyone else. BUT HE'S SO WBHDJDNWJW I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. I'm over being just normal about him. Shout-out to @bloodlst I TOLD YOU THE RANDOM HCS WERE COMING

@the-anxious-youth tagging you too just in case

\\\

You all are gonna appreciate this man whether you like or not

I'll start by saying that he's always very aware of how people perceive him

He knows everyone thinks of him either as a creep or some sort of narcissistic weirdo

And, while it still hurts him a little bit, he has given up in trying to get liked or appreciated

He knows that whatever he does people will always see him as something he's not

He has used that in his favour, he manipulates this version of himself that people see to achieve what he wants and what he needs

The only people who knows the real him are the Chloe's and Connor at some point

He loves to use terms of endearment with the people he loves

The Chloe's are always his stars, or his lovelies or darlings

Connor would always be called love, dear or beloved

He really likes valentine's day, bro is really romantic really nice

Plus he's fucking rich so he just like to flex how much he's able to spoil his loved ones

I genuinely think he's asexual. Or at least demisexual

AND PANROMANTIC we can't forget that

why? Cause I said so

Talking about relationships he has never been in one

Or rather he has been but they were mostly one-sided cause the person who was with him just wanted something from him didn't really loved him

For a person so apparently cold and distant he has a rather hopeless romantic vibe going on

He definitely wishes for that bookish type of love but it's something he keeps for himself

It just makes him feel too vulnerable to say he does want to be loved that much

He definitely had a Tumblr blog and was pretty popular but never said who he really was

He was really just vibing, taking cute pics and shit

He doesn't really talks about it and it's definitely a touchy subject but the things he experienced as a teenager CEO had really fucked him up

He has managed to be best friend with nines and it's aggravating Gavin to no end

Unpopular opinion but I feel like he would not like Elon musk

I know everyone of you fucking bastards are gonna say it's not true but it is and you'll have to accept it

He never cared about the profits from selling androids, he cared about what they could do to improve

What more they could do and how much they could evolve ecc that's why he was booted out of cyberlife

As I said before he used to struggle with addiction with has led him to be quite paranoid about taking anything even if he really needs it

Something..something about him screams anaemic

My vampire powers are telling me that

During COVID he abused the shit out of netflix

Like he literally watched the most obscure and absurd shit he could find

He deliberately leaves both contact lenses and glasses at home when he has to do an interview or a reunion cause he's that petty

AND BTW THAT INVASION OF CONNOR'S PERSONAL SPACE? I BET HE COULDN'T SEE FUCKING NOTHING AND THAT'S WHY HE WAS ALL UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

He prefers to sleep on his couch rather than in his bed

His bedroom makes him feel alone somehow and he hates feeling like that

He has a tongue piercing

He finds it very hard to cry and sometimes that makes him feel even worse when he has bad days cause he feels like he can't let it out

Every time he spends money he does it because of the Chloe's

The pool? The Chloe's wanted to swim. The art pieces besides Carl Manfred's ones? The Chloe's liked them

He literally doesn't care, as long as they're happy then he's happy

His dreams are always either really fucking weird or really fucking bad there's no in between

He's scared of hospitals and of psychiatrists because he doesn't trust them and has an irrational fear of getting sent to a mental hospital

His wardrobe consist of like two or three elegant suits and the rest is band or graphic T-Shirt, hoodies and sweatshirt

He really doesn't likes to have to dress too formal

Carl was his only human friend and the og Chloe is the only friend he had left

Before them there was Gavin but they grew apart

Now obviously he has nines and Connor and even Gavin is coming around him again but for the longest time he didn't had anyone else besides Chloe

He's very hard to upset or offend cause half of the stuff one could say he has either already heard it or it's something that he thinks of himself already

It's always cold, like FR this man temperature is not fucking normal

As soon as he was able to leave his family behind he tried all the things he wasn't allowed to do

Which led to him learning how to play music again

He enjoys playing piano but prefers the ukulele because of practical reasons since it's more easy to carry around

He enjoys animating stuff too

He's weirdly good with kids, like those little gremlins adore him and no one can figure out why

He enjoys cleaning, in fact he does most cleaning around the house

He lets the Chloe's try makeup on him and, if they ask him to, he does their makeup too

Lives his life with a constant migraine but he's used to it

Those days where it gets really bad he just locks himself in his study with all lights off and without anything making any sound cause he refuses to take any medicine

He really likes hugs but never ask for them

He always smells either of something minty and fresh or of rose water

[compassionatereminders]

hi dokter (i think i spelled it right? sorry;;). im gonna sound like an asshole and i feel horrible about that but, i feel like a lot of people fake DID and multiple personality disorders. I know that i shouldnt fake claim people and such but, ive been on discord servers and theres a random channel dedicated to alters finding out who they are and then they always know how to set themselves up with a bot mechanic and switch between people rapidly. im a jerk for this, but genuinely in my head there is no logical explanation for how they have amnesia but know and understand discord completely. or how people will have fictives that are nothing like the source, just genuinely nothing like the character. its present in a lot of teenagers that struggle with mental illness and escapism, i think its less of a knowingly faking thing and more of a misdiagnosing themselves and truly WISHING there were more people there and they could share a body with dream. I feel like i do a fair amount of research, and looking into DID leaves me confused sometimes with how a lot of people online display their symptoms. why do alters all share an account and sign it? how do they all know the password? how do they all know how to operate it? (referring to tiktok because so much DID content comes from there, all with teenagers and young adults. i have yet to see someone over the age of like, 23 talking about DID. Not saying that just cause youre young you cant be blank, but i feel like its worth noting.) i guess i consider myself a kind person, and i dont care about what people do if it doesnt harm anyone. but this DOES harm people. i think its mostly people self diagnosing because they identify mood swings, different interests, and a yearning to be closer to their favorite fictional character or not be alone. so they truly do believe that this character is possessing them, even when its truly them changing their voice, putting on different clothes, adding an accent, and such. when people fake an illness, they dont fully understand what its like to have it and act in a way that is not accurate. isnt this the kind of thing that leads to stigmatization? to people completely changing their definition of DID since all they have seen is kids faking and acting like their favorite minecraft youtuber? i dont know. i feel bad since i hear from people with DID that they do feel this way, they feel like people now have a warped view of the disorder from people faking it online. Im not speaking for everyones experiences, maybe some dont care maybe some think its a coping mechanism, i have no idea. im sorry i went off on such a rant. i really like kats blog, she's helped a lot in ways. one last asshole note. A part of me is crying out that youre just kat typing while speaking her true and harsher thoughts under a different name, like an alter ego. im sorry, i know she wouldnt do that and im sure thats not what you are. i just had to ask, to clarify i guess (Even though i more just. stated it. sorry;;). i am probably not very nice in your eyes now, i dont mean to be the mental illness gatekeeper or anything but when you can very clearly tell so many are faking something serious its hard to just, go along with it. p.s. since youre a dokter who shares kats mind, how did you get all the education to be a psychiatrist? i feel like kat alone could be one, since she is very well educated and good at that stuff. is that why? or another reason. jsut genuinely curious;;.

None of us are psych professionals and none of us are claiming to have DID. Like sure there is a general issue of misdiagnosis causing the spread of misinformation which is to some degree harmful, but when I am explicitly stating that I don't have DID, how do you then read that as me faking DID? How is my experience inherently fake just because it isn't corresponding with the clinical experience of DID? Why is having the clinical disorder DID the only way my experience could be valid and real? Why is anything besides the clinical diagnosis DID fake in your eyes? Please spell that part out for me