#im questioning my gender

[999999999inadream]

toby fox needs to add like a bit of narration in deltarune abt kris like "they themmed they/themily down the stheirs" cus i cant go on seeing them constantly get he/himmed in yt comment sections

[rat0]

how do I explain my gender. i wanna look like a boy in a skirt who's a pretty boy and all cute and baby. sometimes I wanna look like a beautiful butch lesbian. home depot style. lesbian style. 6'ft and will kill you with my cold hard stare. don't fuck with me.

[inkskinned]

Genuine question, because I don't know a lot about the topic and you're:

If someone identifies as non-binary and genderfluid, which from what I've gathered means something like "human" instead of male or female, doesn't that imply that women are not humans , like whole complete people with richer inner lives? And why is a dislike for (performative) femininity combined with a preference for things that are stereotypically associated with maleness an indicator that one is genderfluid? Does that mean a woman is only a woman if she loves to do make-up, wants to be a mother, only wears skirts, dresses and high heels, shaves daily, is always kind and never angry, has long hair, hates to get dirty and so on? Because I have never met a woman who's exactly like that in my life, but plenty who liked gaming, sports, being loud, opposed to shaving & make-up, who wore pants every day.

I do not believe this is a genuine question, but I'll answer it as if it was, just in case other people have to deal with this, and would like someone who is patient enough to give them the words. The argument you're making here is something that already stems from a deep logical fallacy in the beginning argument. You assume "If you are neither A nor B, and instead C, you think that A cannot be C."

It is a logical fallacy to say "X implies Y" when it does not do so. By this logic, I also believe men are not human. By this logic, I believe only nb people are human.

Some - but not all - rectangles are squares. Some - but not all - animals are dogs. Some humans are nb.

I have given no information about how I present, nor my interests. I am not going to give you that information, because it's irrelevant. What I need you to understand is that, again, you are making the incorrect logical assumption that "If a person dislikes X and likes Y, they must be Z." For all you know, I dislike performative masculinity and like stereotypically feminine preferences.

You then assume your own statement is correct and move forward with your logic as if I had debated you. This is not a "genuine question" about how nb people work, this is assuming being nb is based on a series of preferences.

As a teacher, I do think it's important to tell you: even if this is coming from a genuinely confused place: you are conducting bad research. You begin with an inherently flawed question, as it biased and assumes a position I must defend against - "why don't you see women as people?" Then you make logical conclusions about my personhood and experiences and ask inflammatory questions as if you were debating me, which I am not interested in doing.

If you were my student, and genuinely curious about how nb people see gender, I'd have no trouble with you asking an out nb content creator. If you're really trying to collect information, ask honestly, without personal bias. Here's some examples of what a genuine question would have looked like: - Do your preferences play into your gender identity? - How has being nb informed how you see femininity and masculinity? - What tools do you use to express your gender?

You are mistaking gender expression and gender roles as being part of my identity.

You are most crucially mistaking being nonbinary as being part of the binary and having to exist "in opposition" to other genders in order for it to "make sense". One of the most freeing things about realizing I was nb is that I don't exist in opposition to anything - and also that all gender works similarly.

Gender is a describing word, and this can be confusing for some people. In general, we tend to learn describing words in binary - short/tall, old/young, kind/mean. Therefore, there are (many) people who think - feminine/masculine must be oppositional. Gender is also a feeling word - and again, these are words that can be taught in opposition to each other. Hungry/sated, happy/sad, feminine/masculine.

But because gender is such a rare type of word - feeling and describing - it exists outside of binary. It exists more like art exists.

Green can exist in opposition to red, but it also just exists as its own color. Blue is a part of green, but it is also a part of yellow - blue is still its own color, and yellow is still its own color, and green is still its own color. One painting titled "still-life with fruit" may be a series of vague colors and boxes. Another may be a hyper-realistic singular plum. They are both how the artist expresses their personal vision of the fruit. They might even be by the same artist! And although we may compare them, they are not opposites.

One song by Hozier is not in opposition to one song by Britney Spears. They are different styles, not oppositional styles. You may choose to see them as oppositional - but that is your personal opinion, and not fact. And some people may feel and experience those songs as being actually incredibly in-line with each other.

This is why we say: gender is a spectrum. That all gender roles are made up. Personality, interests, and experiences may shape how someone sees and feels their gender, but it does not define how they see and feel their gender.

When we question gender roles and gender expression like this, it tends to make people upset. People like me tend to make people upset. So much bigotry is based on the lie that "feminine" and "masculine" are oppositional. Opposition is rigid and important - it keeps white hegemonic structures in power. I don't have time or space in this post to talk about how rigid gender roles/enforced gender expression rules are not just sexist but also racist, classist, ableist, homophobic, and bigoted; but I really recommend you do the research on how disruption of the gender binary might put the patriarchy at risk.

The thing you feel trapped by - that "being a woman" is a complicated series of rules - is exactly the kind of thing a nonbinary person would agree with you about. We have to fight hard to be recognized for what is a basic truth about our identity - of course we don't believe that gender expression is equivalent to gender identity.

And truth be told... I think you kind of knew that. I think you kind of knew all of this. I am going to hope that you are young. I'll tell you this: I was raised by someone who was a far-right extremist catholic asshole. I certainly didn't have the research/knowledge/exposure to interrogate this stuff honestly until I was probably 23.

I am so much happier now. I hope one day you get the same opportunities as I had. I hope you choose to move away from bigotry.

love u anyway. all this in kindness only.

[uter-us]

radfem question!!

i'm having a conversation with someone about female only spaces (this specifically pertains to bathrooms) and they said that the rule of having female-only bathrooms would "act more like an enforcement of femininity more than anything else."

I think their point is about butch lesbians and/or women who present "masculinely," and so because there is ofc no female identification at the door, and policy would likely just make it more acceptable for women and girls to report if there was a male in the bathroom (without having to determine if the male identifies as a woman), this could end up hurting "masculine"-presenting women (implying that they could be mistaken as male), and in turn just reinforce femininity. Thoughts? (mine are in tags)

[mispatchedgreens]

drift compatible bitches bc like knows like

[buggbuzz]

my gender is like meat leaf i think. boy materials in the structure of girl. like im a girl made out of boy things but not in a transman way like i like being female im just. a girl-leaning boygirl. maybe??

[kil9]

every guy ever interviewing taemin: hi welcome to our show :) first question how were the preparations for this album and btw ive never felt this way about another man before

[mamawasatesttube]

heres how t4t timkon can still win.

[gonchillunchis]

fully automated luxury communism in space

[butchladymaria]

[anonymocha]

they give me idgaf vibes

original

[beef-unknwn]

clawdeen got dat dawg in her y'know what I'm sayi-💥

[hermitcraft-8]

im like if a guy was a girl. who was a guy. but only when it mattered (im a woman)

[cupiidzbow]

whoooh wanting to do shipping stuff is so scary sometimes when ur gestures to self ….. cause i remember I posted abt a character and I got a super. racial. anon and I was so shell shocked for days after like GODDAMN !!!!! WHAT DID I DO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[welcometoteyvat]

arlecchino's official title is "father" when house of hearth members refer to her ......... please just one chance please please

[pally-plate]

I am genderqueer but I am not non-binary.

I am a binary gender. That binary gender is male, and happens to also be genderqueer. Even if that “technically counts as being non-binary,” it doesn’t to me.

I am two genders at the same time, but I am not bi-gender.

I have two gender identities. They coexist at the same time and never change. I am always male and always genderqueer. However, I am not bi-gender. You might be scratching your head and wondering how that’s even possible. How can someone who’s two genders at once which never change not be bi-gender?

Because I’m not. The label just doesn’t fit me. I do not identity with the label bi-gender. I am not bi-gender, I am genderqueer. A genderqueer guy.

Although my gender fluctuates in intensity, I am not gender-flux.

My gender tends to be silly goofy and likes to fluctuate in how ‘intense’ it is. One day, I could be feeling 100% super manly man, boyly boy, and want only to be addressed using he/him/his, no matter what I look or dress like that day. Other days, I could feel a little more ‘disconnected’ from my manhood, and although I still love he/him pronouns, I might throw it/its into the mix too. (But never they/them.) You’re probably thinking that that sounds like the textbook definition of gender-flux. And it more or less is. But it’s not me. Even I don’t know why; I just don’t vibe with the label.

There are certain labels that, although they may “technically” describe someone, won’t fit them. In my opinion, gender should not be defined as what label “technically” fits. It should be defined as how the individual themself feels about it.

A binary trans person might identify as a label such non-binary, for instance, not because their gender itself is not binary, but maybe because they still like dressing in clothes traditionally associated with their birth sex, or because they don’t like being referred to as a woman or man and would rather just be called a person! Or even if they just like they way the label vibes with them and would rather use that instead or “trans man,” or “trans woman.”

Their gender could still be binary, but they are 100% allowed to refer to themselves as non-binary, for whatever reason they want.

If you want to use labels to describe your gender expression rather than identity itself, then that’s alright! You’re allowed, I promise. And if anyone tries to police your identity for no absolutely reason, just remember: it’s YOUR gender, it’s YOUR identity, and it’s NOT hurting anyone!