#im rather late again and i apologise

[silhouettecrow]

365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 210

Adjective: Scarce

Noun: Miracle

Definitions for those who need/want them:

Scarce: (especially of food, money, or some other resource) insufficient for the demand; occurring in small numbers or quantities, or rare

Miracle: a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency; a highly improbable or extraordinary event, development, or accomplishment that brings very welcome consequences; an amazing product or achievement, or an outstanding example of something

[maxlarens]

hi lilli!! i heard angst and i came running, how about searching for each other in crowded rooms, finding each other everywhere with logan or oscar, whoever sparks the most inspo, but plot twist—not being able to be together for some reason (the why is totally up to you, feel free to ignore if this isn't your cup of tea). thank u thank u <3

kait!!! hello!!! thank u for sending this in!!! im gonna do oscar 😁 it genuinely hurt my feelings SO BADLY to not have them make up at the end of this. so i sympathise with everyone that im about to make sad it was a bad time for me too❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

It's familiar, this feeling.

The squeeze of your chest, the grieving, panicking thing climbing up your throat. You've been feeling it a lot lately, every time you catch a glimpse of someone with hair the same colour as Oscar's; wearing clothes you swear that he has; a person with the same shoulders, the same gait.

You've been seeing him everywhere. You just think you have. Monaco is small… not that small apparently.

When it had first happened, at the beginning of summer break, you’d half expected to be back together within a week. For Oscar to message you and half-beg to talk to you again. In your dreams, you’d both come grovelling back to each other, apologising for cruel words, making amends for various mistakes. Then you would kiss him and you’d tell him how much you love him and things would get better.

Instead, you’ve spent weeks of your summer break totally and utterly miserable. Missing Oscar like a phantom limb. You reach for him, he’s not there. You go to text him, find a thread of messages discussing the logistics of returning the other’s belongings.

You sit in your flat and you watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy twice in a row twenty two hours and forty-four minutes because it doesn’t remind you of Oscar and it occupies your time in a way nothing else can right now. You cry until your eyes are puffy and you write in a diary you’ve never touched before, because it needs to go somewhere. The feeling stuck in your throat needs to be written down said out loud and you can’t say it to Oscar, who you would usually tell everything, because he needs “distance from you right now”.

Briefly, you convince yourself that “right now”, indicates that there still might be a later for the two of you. That this thing between you that’s fallen to pieces might one day be salvaged. In the quiet moments of Lord of the Rings you spiral down a rabbit hole of ways to get Oscar back, pathetic fantasies of how you might convince him to talk to you again. Then Arwen says, “I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone” and you cry for two hours straight.

You sob, your face in your pillow and you think that was supposed to me! That was supposed to be us! And maybe it wasn’t, maybe you’re not an elven maiden giving up her immortality for a mere man, but you love Oscar. You wanted to spend the rest of your life with Oscar. And now… now…

Well—

It is the waiting that’s the worst.

No texts, no calls. Lando sends you a few, but you can’t bear to hold a conversation with him, knowing he’s playing both sides. And anyway, you’re just thinking about Oscar. Is he there? Is he reading your texts? Seeing the pathetic selfies of you on your couch in days-old PJs? Is he staring at your stagnant text thread just like you are? Has he blocked you?

Your every waking thought is consumed by him. You drag yourself out of the apartment for coffee down the street and you wonder what he’s doing. Has he been rotting at home like you? More than likely he’s been doing things. Playing padel with Lando, going out for lunch, training at the gym, FaceTiming his family.

You feel sick to you stomach. You can list on one hand the activities that you’ve done since Oscar broke up with you at the beginning of the month:

Sleeping, crying, watching Lord of the Rings, ordering takeout, training because you have to. Going for coffee had been a big step out of your current comfort zone. You’re wearing pants that aren’t sweatpants… you’d even showered properly for fuckssake.

You got your most noise-cancelling headphones on, blasting sad Taylor Swift (who you don’t even like. It’s just something to fill the void) and staring down the barista so you can lip-read if they’re saying your name or the words Large Oat Latte. And then—

Then. The barista is mouthing Oscar and your stomach lurches as the exact object of your ire temporary depression walks to the counter. You try to convince yourself it’s not him, you keep seeing him places but it’s never really him. But it is, that’s his burgundy shirt, his swoop of hair, his knobbly little ankles.

You release a ragged breath that you hope isn’t too loud. You duck your head, try to avoid his gaze as he turns, pretending that you haven’t seen him. Try to look occupied by your phone though you’ve only had time to open to your home screen. Tears prick at the corners of your eyes, you blink furiously, trying your best not to fall apart in this coffee shop.

At least he’s not with someone else, you think as a tightness crawls up your throat to settle at the base of your tongue. But he looks happy, he looks fine, he looks better than you feel right now. God, what if he’s better off without you? What does it mean that you don’t seem to better off without him?

There’s something wet sliding down your left cheek and then you see Nike trainers entering your vision, still directed firmly downward. Someone puts a hand on your shoulder— you don’t jump but it’s a near thing. You reach up to slip your headphones off, wiping the tear discreetly as you go. Then you look up and it’s him, it’s Oscar.

He’s holding out a paper cup labeled, Oat Latte and smiling at you tightly.

“They were calling your name,” he says by way of explanation.

“Right,” your voice is shaky, weak, “Thanks.”

He nods, you take the coffee, careful not to touch his hand. You’re trying to swallow down the lump in your throat that’s rising rising trying to claw its way out of your mouth. You blink away the tears filling the corners of your eyes. You can’t look at him.

You’re looking up at the ceiling instead, biting the inside of your mouth. Breathing in and out, in and out.

He says your name, and then, “Do you want to talk?”

You feel like a tonne of bricks has just hit your chest. Knocking the wind out of you. Tears, hot and wet, are slipping down your cheeks. You can’t speak, you turn around and leave the coffee shop without saying anything because surely you’ll just start crying if you open your mouth. Oscar finds you again across the road, in a dark cobbled alleyway. The heel of your hand is pressed to the middle of your chest, you’re hiccuping, trying to stifle heavy sobs that you’d much prefer to let out in the privacy of your own apartment.

“Hey,” he says, gathering you into his arms before you can push him away, “It’s okay.”

You whine, collapsing into his chest, face pressing into his shoulder, “No, it’s not.”

You cry loudly, trying fruitlessly to keep the sobs in. Oscar’s hand rubs comforting circles into your back, which makes it better until you realise it’s Oscar, which makes it immediately worse. You stay there a while. Until your eyes are puffy and your throat sore.

“Better?”, Oscar asks, the crease between his eyebrows prominent.

You sigh tiredly, shrug, “Sure.”

Your coffee is cold now, your chest feels void, hollow.

You shake your head before Oscar can say anything further, before you’re set off on another fucking pathetic crying fit in the arms of your ex-boyfriend, “I can’t talk, Oscar. I really can’t.”

“Okay,” he says, nodding and swallowing some lump in his own throat.

You bite down hard on your tongue. Turn to leave the dark alley to go home, your back prickling with Oscar’s wet brown-eyed stare on you. He lets you leave. You spend the ten minute walk wiping tears before they fall and itching to run back, to kiss him, to pour all the emotion in your chest into some physical action.

There’s an awful grieving ache in your chest that’s carving out your insides and when you check your phone after walking in the door there’s a text from Oscar that reads:

I miss you. I’d really like to talk to you soon.

not sure if it was weird but the lord of the rings Mentions were kinda about how you’re in such a fragile state during a breakup that something as irrelevant to your break up at lord of the rings will make you cry for hours for no real reason. (and not to expose myself but after a break up i did watch the lotr trilogy two times in a row. told my friends and got a text from one of them asking if i was depressed 😭 like yes… temporarily alright)

send me a prompt/req + driver and i'll write something. pls check if my requests are open first 💖

[laura1633]

i know im late to the whole conversation but, i saw someone saying "charles know max will be so angry after seeing this"

do you think Max punished charles after Charles laughed at his dnf 🥺🥺 (max he deserves it)

Haha Charles would 100% deserve punishing if he laughed at Max's DNF anon! I am pretty certain he wasn't laughing directly at that but lets pretend for a second he was....

Max would come up with a novel punishment for Charles ... seen as Charles seems to like laughing so much Max is going to make him laugh until he can't handle it anymore.

Max ties Charles to the bed, something they do rather often. Except this time Max starts running a feather tickler over his body. Charles starts thrashing around and laughing and pulling against his restraints and Max watches the way Charles' muscles flex as he writhes all around. Max will give him a few seconds rest before going again until Charles is red faced and sweating and his chest is heaving up and down. The longer they go on the more desperate Charles get, he starts moaning in between laughter and Max can't help but notice that this seems to be turning Charles on.

Charles eventually apologises and Max takes that as his cue to fuck his boyfriend, occasionally still tickling his hands up Charles' sides so he can feel all of Charles' muscles clench tight around him 😍

[cloudstongue]

psssrt.. scroll

— ★ —

The blonde gazed around the town, He walked down the muddy path, as townsfolk roamed around stalls, the sound of chatter filling his ears — it was lively, as usual. Scroll couldn't imagine it being any different, as children ran past him with sticks in hand.

"Good morning, Scroll!" Notebook would give him a smile, as her braids would flow in the breeze. Notebook was out today, selling baked bread — business seemed to be booming. Scroll looked up, reciprocating the smile, giving her a wave.

"Morning to you, Notebook. Good day, I assume?" He'd lean against her stall, making sure he didn't knock it over. He'd just feel bad if he did, and she'd probably be a little upset knowing her freshly baked bread was on the ground.

"Ah, you know how it is.. the same as always," She'd begin to put a bit of bread in a bag, before tying it up and handing it over to Scroll.

"How much do I owe you?"

"That'll be.. four gold, if you don't mind." She smiled once again, putting Scroll at ease. He gave her the exact amount of gold, nodding as a way to say thank you. He took the bread, continuing down the muddy path.

Once he was out of the bakery, he took a bite of his bread, enjoying the taste. The bread was light and fluffy, and the flavor was delicious. He walked deeper into the village, deciding to explore for a bit before he resumed his mission.

He noticed that some the people here were still giving him nasty stares, as if they were afraid of him. It was rather unsettling, and he couldn't help but wonder what was causing it. He decided to ignore the stares and continue exploring, hoping to find something that would kill time.

"Gah.. I need to find something to do around here.." Scroll muttered to himself, fiddling about with his hands. He did that a lot, especially when stressed. His arrows lay against his back, as he'd stop in the middle of the woods.

There were some children who were building a den — kids being kids, you could say. Scroll smiled to himself, before a stick came flying in his direction, hitting him square in the face. It definitely hurt more than he thought it would.

"Sorry, sir!" A small voice would chirp out, stopping in front of Scroll with a little frown. They didn't mean to hit him with the stick.

"Ah, no worries.. just be careful next time. You never know what you could hit in these woods, heh." He'd awkwardly chuckle, scratching the back of his neck — giving a sheepish smile. The child smiled back, apologising once more.

Just average village days.

– ★ –

im recording my thoughts in the notes app as i go. 

first of all, in the first paragraph, oh my god you described it so angelically…that was literally amazing…it makes me feel all warm and cozy idk i want to live there now..i love places that are spirited…unfortunately, newcounty has lost that.

im going to sound weird for this i guess, but that paragraph reminds me of a warm yellow or orange. i dont know whats up with me and “feeling” colors lately im sorry its like skme new power i gained ough. anyway that was my thoughts for the first paragraph alone um holy moly

i love how notebook is selling baked bread. idk i can just imagine that. i like the “business was booming” part too…alliteration…

also the way scroll reciprocated a smile ough such a cute detail <:3

I like this part: “He'd lean against her stall, making sure he didn't knock it over. He'd just feel bad if he did, and she'd probably be a little upset knowing her freshly baked bread was on the ground.” its a bit simple but it reveals how he feels and i like that…also its just. reasonable. logical. natural even. i can relate to that

GOLD!!!!!! gold… also the “if you dont mind” and the smile it makes me feel warm again oughh. “nodding as a way to say thank you” that is a really bad habit i do, i always bow down or nod as a way to say thanks, some of the time i dont even vocally express it i need to stop doing that some kids point it out and call it weird <//3 i can relate to that. mud moment….i like mud..

the way you described the bread makes me want to have bread now raaahhh curse you…MISSION???? OOH????

why are they giving him those looks…my boy…noooo <:( 

gah moment…i have those all the time i need to STOP also i need to STOP pointing out just little details im sorry,,,

the fidgeting…and i love kids being kids!!! they should do that more often.

SCROLL IS SO NIIICEEE AND ADORABLEEEE OUHHHHHH I IMAGINE HIM A CERTAIN WAY IN YOUR FANTASY AU AND HES SO CUTE tho i saw the design on the whiteboard and i can definitely see why some people would be scared

i like the last sentence a lot!!!! i believe its alone for a reason, no?

[rxttenfish]

hi !!! sending this on anon because i am rather nervous all things considered <:3 (i am lying to you, i have not considered 'all things'.) one monster prom fan to another (can we be compared using such broad terminology ? i feel as if i am domesticated compared to you... [compliment, or at the very least not inherently negative]) , i wanted to thank you SO SO SO VERY MUCH for giving miranda so much love and thought and mulling her over in your mind in such a ... refreshing way

i also really really really like miri , but i can only aspire to have your level of dedication . it feels almost like we are of totally different worlds... !!!!!

thank you for bringing in real world biology too :3 i absolutely adore your design for her so much (this is most likely not proper grammar, but it is very late and i am very cold and so i will hope with all my heart you will excuse this mistake. one of many, i should assume) - though !!!! i do have a question if that is alright ?????

i cant say that a marine macropredator of a significantly vibrant pink really strikes me as advantageous colouring - does the abyssal environment that you say the merfolk live in negate the need for camouflage and such ????? i apologise for sounding passive aggressive !!!! i am merely asking a question. cocking my head to the side if you will

additionally, i would like to ask something foolish. how do they acquire food? i dont want to say 'hunt', because that might seem insulting. historically were they built for stalking, or high speed chases, or...???? please, talk 'nerdy to me' as they say !!! <- in an entirely normal way befitting two strangers of course.

you know, i would have expected to hit the ask word limit by now. but it seems i have not. yippee !!!!

with my extra space, i shall add this: I ABSOLUTELY ADORE THE WAY YOIU WRITE MIRI . GOOD LOOOOOORD IT IS AMAZING HAVIJNG SOMEOENE WHO KNOWS WHAT THEYRE DOING IWIITH HER thank yoiu for making her at least moderately intelligent. i feel blessed <- is this all too harsh sounding???? im a little new to all this letter/ask-writing thing <:3

IN ANY CASE !!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOIU SO VERY MUCH. AGAIN. drops this and scuttles away

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/761693443676045363/1183251697129226270/ordered3.png

also i believe you can indeed tell, but i drew that in ms paint with my finger .. sorry that it looks like poop <:3

(moving the image out of the link just in case it breaks-)

AAAAAA THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! this looks so WONDERFUL i love the way that you've shaped her head and how you've captured how Chunky it is... i know its one of the things people have the hardest time drawing with her so its just all the more impressive how well youve managed to capture her!!!

i also love the little doodles eeeee..... please feel free to toss all ocs at miri, its enrichment for her <3 ironically gentle chewing/biting is a Play and Bonding thing for merfolk so she shall happily Bites Bites Bites back-

(also i LOVE her smile!!! you arent anthropomorphizing in the slightest for that - miri often does have very human expressions in a way that's odd for a merfolk, because she effectively got imprinted during her time spent inland... and its politically useful if you smile and match expressions with the people you're trying to work with anyways)

ill also go ahead and answer your questions because i can! very easily clarify on them!

the color: actually, being bright red and pink is actually very common for deep sea animals, due to the way light works at depth! its why i decided miranda was abyssal, because that felt like the most natural way to explain why she's pink, since it's such an uncommon color in nature.

basically, different colors of light have different lengths! red is the shortest wavelength of light, and blue is the longest. water might be clear, but there's a lot of water in the ocean, and the more water you add, the more it filters out light - which is why the bottom of a pool might be dark and shady, but if you hold a little of the water in your hands there's no shade. the ocean is a lot deeper than a pool, and so it gets darker as you go down, but because it's also clear, it doesn't filter out all that light at the same rate.

red, being the shortest wavelength of light, gets filtered out first, so red often gets quickly darker the deeper down you go, until it's completely black! camouflage is dependent on the environment, so their color and brightness has to match the background, but it also depends on the light that's hitting the animal. it's why fawns have dappled spots, or animals might have black stripes, so they can mimic the light of their environment. and when your environment has no red light, well... red's a pretty good color to be!

because of this, a lot of animals in the deep sea can't actually see red either, which is doubly the reason why you might want to be red! think of it like tigers, and how ungulates often can't see their orange, making them look just about the same color as the foliage around them when they're hunting! miranda might stick out on land, but that's just because we aren't seeing her in the environment she's made for, where she blends in with everything else around her as much as a pure black animal.

(it's also why her bioluminescence is blue - blue is the longest wavelength of light, and the one most animals can see at that depth. if she lights up, then she wants to be seen, and she can even alter her silhouette to appear larger or smaller or breaking it up into multiple shapes if she needs to. it's why her tapetum lucidum is blue when light's shone on it, because there is blue light to be seen at depth, it's just very dim!)

(this is also why giant squid are bright red, and why the stoplight loosejaw fish is so special! the latter actually produces its own red light, and can see red light, which means that it has a secret light that won't reveal where it is but will reveal to it where its prey is!)

food: this is something that depends a lot, because there are actually multiple different species of merfolk, which is mostly my fault because i don't always feel like i communicate this the best. they're all slightly different in how they evolved to capture prey, with abyssals in particular being fuckoff huge ambush predators that attack from below, and others being shallower-water hunters or more adapted for smaller, faster prey - but they all evolved from an ancestor with a fairly consistent prey-capture method.

in short, all merfolk are ancestrally evolved to hunt whales and other large prey items, with all the extant species still holding at least a degree of this. primarily, they were ambush predators who were good at getting in close to their prey before a sudden burst of speed. they would work together in close-knit groups (one of the big pressures for their increasing socialization and larger brains, to coordinate such groups) to all mob a single prey item at once, hitting with force to cause sudden trauma, and then using their claws, double-thumbs, back feet, and mouths to hold onto their prey and refuse to be dislodged. they'd repeatedly claw and use their strong bites and massive heads to rip deeply into their prey, causing further massive trauma and shock, and if that failed, bleeding their prey to death.

think of it like the raptor prey restraint model, just further taking advantage of the fact that they were underwater, where no one else has hands that could potentially rip them off. being smaller and somewhat less-optimized for marine life compared to things like sharks and whales and large fish worked for them, because they had a novel adaptation that allowed them to take advantage of things no one else could, and the numbers to make up for it. this is, likewise, why they never lost their hands and fully developed flippers, instead making their limbs as flipper-like as possible to make up for it.

then as time went on and certain populations became separated from each other, they adapted for slightly different niches, but all remain fairly closely related to each other as a genus.

in the modern day, most merfolk don't really "hunt" for all of their meals, at least not in the same way that we might think. don't get me wrong, they still absolutely hunt and it's a larger part of their lives than it is for most humans, but they have options.

mostly, the merfolk theory for their relationship with nature is to invite it in. this is not to say they aren't controlling and pruning it, but they do live underwater, and it's far harder to keep animals out than it is on land, so merfolk accepted it and worked with it. they'll work to promote growth around their buildings and where they live, fostering the growth of sea grass and algae and coral and other sessile animals, encouraging them to set down and grow in these areas, and they'll then let more wild animals move in, further encouraged by these natural sources of food and shelter, on top of merfolk working even further to encourage them in. they serve as a functional cleanup crew for the merfolk in these settlements, being allowed to eat anything that merfolk might drop or go to waste, and even moreso might be purposefully fed at times, or have specific homes for them built. merfolk will keep encouraging them and taking care of them until they become a biorich hotspot, creating unique oasises for wildlife to live alongside merfolk.

however, this isn't just a free-for-all, persay. merfolk will also purposefully prune these populations and control how they form, often removing "problem" animals and encouraging certain behaviors which makes it easier for these populations to live alongside merfolk, not viewing them as a threat, but also not viewing them as an opportunity either. they will directly shape how these areas grow and cultivate them on a physical level, often using them as an easy shortcut to literally grow their settlements and buildings. but they will also harvest from these populations and selectively breed them, until their cities and towns act as massive public gardens full of food to be caught, picked, and eaten at any time

as there are also a lot of (very politically powerful) nomadic groups, they also do this, albeit not always so directly. they'll have specific shoals or "runs" of fish that they will follow behind and take care of, managing as they move through the ocean in accordance with the seasons. this is where the whales still factor in, because the nomadic groups will also take care of the whales, purposefully keeping an eye on their pods and taking care of them and, when the time comes, being choosy and particular in which whale they select at any given time to be hunted, harvested, and eaten.

(there's also the way in which food is distributed and managed throughout the merkingdom, since some food is indeed shipped and moved throughout the different areas, but that's a different story for another time and i've talked enough)

BUT!!!! thank you so much and thank you for enjoying all of this that ive been making with miri, and thank you for giving me an excuse to talk more about her <3

[babymorte]

I hope a break from here gives you a bit of peace. I know you have been dealing with a lot of stuff lately. You're awesome and I always adore seeing your post and talking to you! It might be time go re play Alan wake or one of the other horror games you love for you too zone out too! But also I hope you don't stay gone too long you are always a bright spot on this site 😭.

thank you i hope it does to. or at least it gives me enough time to just clear my head of a bunch of shit cuz yea i thought things were finally looking up for me again and then the universe played a giant uno reverse and we’re right back to where we were two months ago 🫠 it’s fine i should be used to it by now. it’s just the universe keeping me in my rightful place 😅

im ready to just go full hermit honestly i just dont do well with all this stress and the absolute war going on in my mind is about ready to kill me 🫠 but all notifications are off (except my texts cuz if i don’t reply to my grandmother she’ll have an aneurysm 😂) and even unsubbed to all the blogs expect for like yours and two mooties who tag me in stuff so if asks or comments or tags happen i’ll still see them 😂 i always love talking with you about the random shit we have in common 🤩 speaking of did you watch the new would you rather smosh games video cuz holy shit arasha made me choke on my ramen 🤣

honestly that’s not a bad idea i didnt even think of that🤔 i really do need to finish alan wake cuz ive been a very bad friend and haven’t been able to talk lore yet so maybe i will finish that 🤩 i am getting back into some co op halo tonight though so im actually really excited for that plus i need to finish fixing my farm so i can share it cuz im really excited for people to see how cute it is 🤩 there’s so many damn games so little time i dont know how people do it 😓

but really thank you~ i definitely won’t be gone too long and im sure there will be posts of some sort on saturday if i dont just upload everything to snap stories which is most likely but i dont know i plan on getting fucked up and i can’t guarantee i won’t be drunk posting so im apologising in advanced for that inevitable annoyance 😂 but yea i just need to get my head on straight and i’ll be back 🤩

[doodles-dearest]

made this for my bf for valentines idk if hes read it yet but i hope whoever sees this does ((late) update: he did!! xe loves it!! im a happy boyo now with validation <3)

Steve just made the biggest mistake of his life.

Worse than giving up his carefree life to become a people pleasing king of highschool.

Worse than going to apologise to Nancy back in '83, only to get dragged into all that Upside Down bullshit.

Worse than everything he ever did.

He let his chance with Eddie Munson go, and now he's sitting in the rain, wishing he wasn't a coward.

———

Valentine's Day. A day of love, of cheesy cards, and the worst day of the year for Steve Harrington.

Every year in the past he told himself it'd be different, he'd have the perfect Valentine's Day; but of course that never happened. The last good one he can remember was so long ago, he was about nine or so, and a boy (girl? Person? It was so long ago and Steve's memory was so bad nowadays that he wasn't sure) had rushed up to him and shoved a heart shaped card into his chest before running away. The card was clearly homemade, obnoxious hearts everywhere, covered in glue. It was made with love though, love that not many people had ever shown him since. Now it sat tucked in the back of Steve's closet, along with his sexuality.

This year, he was giving up. He was going to treat it like any other day, to the best of his abilities. Which was difficult, considering everyone else around him seemed to have a valentine. Robin was busy with Nancy, so hanging out with either of them was out. The kids all had their various valentines– Steve tends not to get into their love lives, the complex web that it is. Argyle and Jonathan were getting high together, which Steve reckoned was their version of a date. There was Eddie, but with a face like his and a wit like that, he was most likely snuggling up to someone too. It was strange, Steve hated picturing Eddie with someone more than he did picturing the others. The idea of Eddie wrapping an arm around a girl's shoulder, offering them his jacket, glancing at their lips, sent a dark, hostile feeling creeping through Steve's chest. He tried to ignore the thought.

So, Steve just decided that once his shift was over, he'd go home and get as wasted as possible. His plans were thwarted however, when the very metalhead he was just thinking of came trotting into Family Video, his chains and rings clinking as he walked, announcing his arrival.

"Ah, Munson, here to grab a rom-com for your valentine?" Steve commented dully. It came out a little saltier than he'd intended.

Eddie pulled a face. "Someone's grumpy. Valentine's Day not your thing, King Stevie? I thought it would be considering you're an absolutely brilliant charmer." He waved his hands around dramatically, Steve just rolled his eyes.

"It's not my fault Valentine's is always the worst day of the year for me." He grumbled back. "Now, the rom-coms are in the section with all the dumb hearts and confetti and…" Steve waved his hands around vaguely. "Shit."

"Actually, my dear Stevie, I'm also without a valentine. So, I was wondering if you'd like to–"

Steve cut him off, that sour creeping feeling vanishing. "Get wasted out of our minds? Hell yes. My place or yours?"

Eddie looked a bit taken aback, almost like he was going to say something rather different. "Mine?"

"Sounds great." Steve smiled, his eyes brighter now. "I'll see you after my shift."

"Need me to pick you up, big boy?" Eddie smirked. Steve rolled his eyes again, but he couldn't help but feel a certain type of hotness under his collar due to the nickname.

"I'll be fine, thanks. See you in a bit." Steve grinned.

The metalhead gave him finger guns and imitated a southern accent. "Whatever you say, pardner." And he trotted out the store as if on a horse, leaving Steve giggling and smiling.

———

The rest of the day went better, thankfully. Sure there were lovey dovey couples coming in to get their movies that they'd inevitably neglect just so they could make goo goo eyes at each other, but Steve had Eddie and booze to look forward to, and that thought kept him light and airy all throughout the day. He watched as the clock ticked to 5 and he rushed out the door, flipping the open sign to closed, before jumping into his beamer and racing off to the trailer, unable to stop smiling.

At that point he wasn't sure why he was so happy, really. It was just two guys hanging out and getting drunk on Valentine's Day. That was normal.

"Normal friend stuff." He mumbled to himself as he parked. He felt a sudden pang in his stomach of… surely not– butterflies. No, not butterflies, you can't get butterflies for someone you're just friends with. He was just nervous. But why would he be nervous? He sighed and shook his head. He was being an idiot; so much of an idiot in fact that he hadn't noticed Eddie tapping on the window.

"You gonna sit out here all evening, Stevie boy?" He said with a lopsided grin. Steve rolled his eyes and got out. He did that alot with Eddie; not in a dismissive way, of course. He just felt he had to, or else he'd let something else out, something he wouldn't be able to explain away.

And he definitely came close to a reaction like that when Eddie presented a heart shaped box. "For you." His tone was more subdued, his smile suddenly less confident. Steve took them with some hesitation, wondering if it was some sort of joke.

"They're chocolates." Eddie broke the silence that Steve didn't even realise had begun. "There's a dumb card inside too, here." He took the box back, their hands brushing for a moment Steve wished lasted forever. Carefully, he opened it, and in it sat a heart shaped card, almost exactly like the one Steve had received so many years ago. It had the same type of obnoxious hearts glued on, but placed with more articulation this time. He took the card, holding it as if it were a valuable antique. Without even needing to open it to see the chicken-scratch handwriting of "To Steve", he could feel the love put in it. He hoped Eddie might've signed his name this time, so he'd remember who brightened up his Valentine's.

Eddie was looking at him intensely, studying his expression, trying to read his emotions. "It's stupid, I'm sorry." He mumbled, taking Steve's silence as a bad sign.

"Thank you." Steve practically whispered, his eyes meeting Eddie's. They stayed like that, for a moment, their brown eyes locked together for what seemed like an eternity. Steve wasn't sure if Eddie could tell how much the gift meant, but in his heart he hoped he could. In Eddie's eyes though, he could see so much hurt, so much hope. The gift meant a lot to him too, it was to test the waters, to see if perhaps, Steve might like him in a way different to friendship.

Steve felt like Eddie could see so much of him at that moment, those big brown eyes pierced his soul like a pin in a balloon. It was like he could see everything about him, and Steve felt bare and open. It unsettled him somewhat, while also giving him a feeling of belonging. Eddie understood, he got what Steve had been through. He just wasn't ready to share that part of himself with Eddie yet, and so, Steve broke the moment, looking away at the floor.

"We should head inside, it's freezing." He mumbled, slowly walking into the trailer, clutching the card to his chest. Eddie lagged behind briefly before catching him up, and then, he put his jacket around Steve's shoulders. This was all… new. This affection. He wasn't sure what to make of it, really. It stirred feelings in him, feelings he tried so hard to bury so long ago. He didn't say anything, just kept on walking.

"Wanna watch a movie or something then?" Eddie smiled, his confidence returning. This was becoming more and more like a date as it went on, Steve noted. He tried to ignore it. Just two guys watching a movie on Valentine's Day.

"Totally normal and platonic." Steve mumbled.

Eddie frowned confusedly. "What was that?"

"Nothing, uh, nothing." Steve shook his head. "We can watch a movie if you want, yeah."

Eddie smiled again, and how Steve wished he could make Eddie smile like that more. "Great, what do you want, The Wicker Man, The Dead Zone–"

Steve grimaced. Despite having seen ungodly horrors in his real life, he still couldn't handle horror movies.

Eddie rolled his eyes and smiled. "Fine, what do you suggest then?"

"That Star Wars one? You know, it's called, uh… Back to the Future?"

And so began their night of idiocy, dumbassery and intoxication.

———

A couple hours later, and Steve was so drunk he could barely move. Eddie, who handled his booze better, was very entertained by Steve's drunken antics.

"And so, Eds, I told her, d'you know who pauses Fast Times at fifty–" He paused to hiccup. "Fifty three minutes 'n' five seconds? People who like boobies, y'know? Boobies!" Steve flourished with his hands, waving them about so dramatically that he nearly rolled off the couch.

Eddie giggled; while yes, he could handle his alcohol, he was still drunk. "I don't like boobies."

"What? Dude, c'mon, they're boobies, you can just…" Steve made grabbing motions with his hands. "Squish squish."

Eddie sighed. "No it's not that I don't like boobies altogether, it's just… I only like 'em on men."

There was silence for a moment, as it sunk in for both of them that Eddie had just outed himself.

"Men boobies." Steve giggled.

Eddie nodded and smiled. "Men boobies."

———

More time passed, and soon they were fresh out of alcohol and were sobering up slowly. They were sitting in a comfortable silence, when Eddie asked the question.

"Do you like men?"

Steve didn't respond. The effects of the alcohol and his head starting to throb didn't put him in the best state to answer. He wanted to say yes, because that was the honest answer, but all his life he'd been told that he didn't. Yes he knew the people telling him that were wrong on basically every other account but when you're told something enough times, you start to believe it, no matter who's saying it.

Eddie was looking at him. "Steve?"

"I don't know." Steve sighed and brushed a hand through his hair.

"Well…" Eddie sounded hesitant. "We could find out?"

Steve looked at him, only to see him getting closer, looking at his lips, leaning in and…

———

That's all Steve can remember. The next thing he knew he was at Lovers Lake at quarter to four in the morning, gazing into the water, raindrops pattering down on him, he'd be shivering if it weren't for Eddie's jacket.

He ran away, and now he's sitting all alone, drunk, on Valentine's Day. He had a chance, Eddie was going to kiss him, be his valentine, love him; but he's thrown that away, and for what?

I'm a coward. He thinks to himself. A dumb little coward who can't even kiss a boy.

He wanted to. Wants to. But for some reason, in that moment he'd just ran, ran away from his friend, no, his crush. He's sure it's a crush now. What else could it be?

Then, behind him, he hears the unmistakable sound of a beaten up old van and metal music. Eddie.

He doesn't turn around, he can't face Eddie, not like this, not when he has so much shame to deal with. He could swim away, avoid the confrontation. No that's dumb. He thinks. Then, before he can think of another plan, Eddie's sitting beside him.

"Hey." Eddie whispers. "I am so, so sorry. I thought…" He sighs. "I guess I misread the signals, I thought for some dumb reason you might like me back but I–" Steves stops him talking by placing a hand on his.

"You didn't misread anything, Eds, I just panicked and ran like I always do. Feelings are just… They're confusing. I'm confused. All I know is I really, really like you." He turns to look at Eddie, to gauge his reaction, their eyes lock.

There's silence. All they can hear is the rain slowly getting more intense as they stare into each other's eyes.

Eddie drops his gaze for a second before bringing it back. "I like you too."

And so the two boys sit together in the rain, hand in hand, sitting before a heart of water as they figure out how they feel.

[menalez]

Hi, I’m the “advice anon”, thank you for answering (oh my god that sounded like I am in a TV ad). Anyways, I explained the events here with another blog:

https://www.tumblr.com/letmywingsdown/732396002452078592/previous-anon-because-im-not-confident-enough

Again, thank you for, you know, letting me take your time haha <3

The thing is today I was arguing with my boyfriend. I’ll admit it was my fault because I initiated it for some very irrelevant dumb shit because I’ve been in a horrible mood lately. I knew I had to apologise once he began explaining to me how shitty it was, and I was about to but I couldn’t bring myself to actually say the words because I have a huge ego problem. So he smacked the left side of my face, my left cheek, because I just would remain stubborn and bitchy and not looking his way when he talked. It wasn’t harsh or violent and it didn’t hurt; just the wrist and upper side of the hand, quite quickly like when you have to tell off a kid. But it really caught me off guard and I stood there frozen. It feels like a boundary violation and when I brought up the subject to my mom (w/o saying it happened to me), she agreed. My bf started apologising right once I said how fucked up it was and I think it’s a genuine apology, but what am I supposed to do? I was getting on his nerves basically on purpose, and now I want to pretend I am the victim of the situation? But I was seriously just about to tell him I regretted making a fight up from thin air.. and stuff like that has happened twice before, once in my shoulder, the other one on my scalp. He continues apologising and I really want to forgive him because he is a lovely guy and the best thing that has ever happened to me, but how am I supposed to call myself a feminist and stuff when I am compliant once my boyfriend “beats” me? My father told me only the other day that women who stay in abusive relationships while knowing about the red flags are stupid. I disagree with him, but am I stupid? Or am I just thinking about this too much? I have childhood trauma, physical too, and I am unsure if I am overreacting because of being triggered rather than because it was objectively wrong to hit me.He seriously is a very nice guy and I have never felt as loved and I know his love is genuine, but this has left me unsettled and, as I said, it is not the first time. Even those two aforementioned events aside, there have been very off putting things in our relationship, like him watching porn and being into cnc (we never acted on them, just dirty talk); though I think the latter might have been my fault because I was the one mainly in it (again, trauma). This was years ago and our sexual life is very healthy now, and I know for a fact he despises porn as much as I do. So what should I do? He is the only person I have left because I am a lonely loser and our connection is so sincere but at the same time I don’t feel ensured that he would never ever harm me. Is it my trauma induced paranoia, or my intuition?

anon, no this is not at all ok. leave. please just leave. you might feel loved and he might have some good sides but there is literally no excuse for hitting you and he's clearly slowly escalating it further and further. abusers often slowly start pushing the boundaries of their partners and i fear that is what he's doing here. and him being into cnc is absolutely a red flag! ur making a lot of excuses for him which is normal, i did the same with my ex and it allowed her to take advantage of me and abuse me until she had all that she wanted from me. its not worth it. abusers like this often have a 'nice' side and will lovebomb you and have phases where they treat you well.. it's ultimately not worth it, at all. i know it's easier said than done, but just bc you haven't had better yet doesn't mean you never will, don't settle for him just because you want to be loved and because you think you can't get better: you can and its not worth it! take it from someone who DIDN'T leave, it's not worth it. you just feel used up and like you betrayed yourself for nothing in the end.

[mojaves]

shooting star, comet, milky way, see no evil

also your description is cute

OHEHheheegrghgd ok im gonna do this for andrew my new favourite squeaky toy

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

ohrhfddghj great start!! great start. he used to be the head of the special programs branch at arasaka [: basically, overseeing projects that primarily experimented on people in one way or another, and lead to SO many deaths and a whole lot of misery for anyone who didn't get outright killed by the experiments. he started working at arasaka when he was barely even 20, and became the head of the branch not long after - which is a LOT of power to give to a guy who's basically a kid in the corporate world, and has never had anyone tell him no before. and arasaka didnt do that either, they actively encouraged him to do whatever he wanted, as long as it would push their technology forward and get them more money. and he absolutely let that get to his head. who wouldnt in that situation!! he also just so Desperately wanted his family to be proud of him, to be better than his siblings, better than his cousins by any means necessary. he did a Lot of things that he's not proud of. he used to be an absolute asshole. self-centered self-absorbed corpo bastard man who was only in it for himself. and he doesnt want people to see him like that ever again. if they do, thats fair. he cant change that. he knows what he's done. it's far too late to apologise for it. but if he can present himself in literally any other way, a more positive light - a man who is actively trying to change, he would much rather people see that side of him. and not the monster he was once. So badly.

🌌 MILKY WAY - what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

another fun one!! there wasn't really any inspiration really??? i just needed a guy for part of seb's story - the reason he almost died and got thrown out of arasaka. and up until very VERY recently thats all he was, asshole who beat seb within an inch of his life for no clear reason - which lead to the countless problems seb has had since, and the reason why he has a cyber jaw and prosthetic leg. but over like. the past week or so?? he has been through a lot of developments so ^ that incident is a lot more grey now rather than just good and bad. don't even worry about it.

🌠 SHOOTING STAR - if they could make any wish with no repercussions, what wish would they make?

above all else he just wants to be happy. but would also feel like wishing for that would be 'too selfish'. so, he would much rather wish to undo all the damage and death and pain he caused when he worked at arasaka. wish to have never worked there in the first place, to have never listened to his family, leave them behind, do his own thing, pursue a career he's actually interested in. learn what it's like to no longer be a sheltered rich kid who buys whatever he wants with his father's credit card.

☄️ COMET - what do people assume about them? are they right?

it depends on the time frame, because back at arasaka, the assumptions about him being a cold heartless asshole would kind of be right??? like. 80% right. he has very much let all of that consume him, but somewhere under all of that, it's just a sad pathetic guy who's trying his best to prove himself to anyone who will listen. he's weak. he's letting people walk all over him. without the money and status, he's powerless. he doesn't want to be there - the horrible personality is a front to not let people close to him. the mask will slip occasionally, and people will get to see him for how he really is.

after that, people really would just assume he's a depressed alcoholic who may or may not be barely clinging onto sanity and onto life at any given moment. at that point they'd be right. unfortunately he is unlucky enough for death to avoid him at every possible turn, so he has to live with the consequences of his actions. what he does with that though?? hehe. well. [: dont worry about it.

[singsweetmelodies]

hi i wanted to ask about your thoughts on this matter:

we know how piarles wouldn't hesitate to name each other as the person they would go to dinner with because they're best friends. but what if someone, maybe like kiddos, asked each of them "aside from your best friend pierre/charles, who else on the grid would you not mind going to dinner with"

what do you think would charles and pierre's answers be? because they are each other's first choice, i think if someone phrased the question like that, it might catch them off guard for a lil while since they can't fall back on their safe answer

oooohhhh, anon, what a fabulous question! thank you so much for this one 💕🤔 as a scientist, i love how it immediately makes me think :D now, time to turn to my favourite science of all, aka, the analysis of piarles 👀❤️

SO, first of all: i completely agree with you that it would probably throw them both off their game a little. because i feel like they're both so used to and so comfortable answering with each other - it's their safe answer, as you said. they're each other's safe space *insert five-second pause for me to have a complete 🥺🥺🥺 meltdown about that thought*

aaaaaaanyways, back to the question. i think charles, especially, might be the one who begins by answering "pierre" automatically, but only remembers after he said it that pierre was excluded from the question. i feel like he'd have a classic, adorably-confused-sharl moment there, maybe do a babygirl laugh and head dip before apologising for the mistake and answering with someone like "carlos." not because carlos is necessarily his next best choice, but rather because he'd be caught a bit off guard and floundering for someone to say now that pierre isn't an option, and it's always a safe, PR-friendly bet to say his teammate and make it seem like they're good friends and getting along wonderfully and whatnot. (who would i say is charles' actual next choice, you may be wondering? probably sebastian, ngl. or maybe zhou or yuki? charles does love calling them his "heroes," lmao, and altogether he just seems to enjoy spending time with either/both of them.)

as for pierre, i feel like his PR-mandated answer would probably be esteban, because alpine is really pushing the 'pierresteban reunited besties 🥰' narrative lately. but there's an equally high chance that he'd say "yuki" in answer to that question, because if there's one thing pierre is really rather good at, it's engaging with the fans and giving them exactly what they want. he's a bit of a PR legend, honestly. (and as for the driver, other than charles, i think he'd most LIKE to get dinner with? lewis. absolutely, 100% lewis. i am forever firmly on board the "pierre is a lewis fanboy" train, and im right xD)

so yes! those are my thoughts, anon, but please feel free to tell me what you think, too 👀💕 and thanks again for such a fantastic question! i really enjoyed pondering & answering this one :DD <3333

[silhouettecrow]

365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 20

Adjective: Steep

Noun: Greed

Definitions for those who need/want them:

Steep: (of a slope, flight of stairs, angle, ascent, etc.) rising or falling sharply, or nearly perpendicular; (of a rise or fall in an amount) large or rapid; (of a price or demand) not reasonable, or excessive; (of a claim or account) exaggerated or incredible

Greed: intense and selfish desire for something, especially wealth, power, or food

[andypartridges]

Hello! im really really sorry to bother you! i dont mean to i just love the content you put out especially your xtc content!! you are truly doing gods work thank you so much!! i was just messaging to ask if you could write out what your English settlement zine says? I'm sorry some words i cant make out its okay if you cant or rather not! again super sorry for bothering you

omg hi yes anon of course i can !!! if i can improve accessibility then it's no bother to me at all. it's probably too long to transcribe all of it in this ask so i'll transcribe part 2 here.

i apologise in advance for any grammar issues or just general clunkiness with the writing - i just wrote everything down in the zine without any preplanning and just sort of brain dumped my thoughts onto the page :-)

transcript below the cut !

no need to look back at pictures of lost From the haunting opening notes of 'Runaways', it's evident that XTC's fifth studio album was telling a story with a darker tone. Now, in 2022, we mark the 40th anniversary since the release of 1982's English Settlement, a double LP that would not only become the band's highest charting album in the UK, but the favourite album for many XTC fans around the world. It's a commentary on many things: the ideals versus the reality of Britain, Thatcherism, loss, and at times, a cry for help. It was the band's first album to break the self imposed rule that all songs must be able to be replicated live, and as such, you can hear a sense of 'vastness' - a sense of colour in the music. It's XTC like never before.

England's Glory: a musical portrait of early 80s britain Britain in the late 70s became a country under the leadership of Conservative PM Margaret Thatcher. While she irrevocably fucked up the UK in many ways, one prime example was contributing to the rampant xenophobia that was only on the rise with her comments such as being 'swamped' by (nonwhite) immigrants. Comments such as these only fuelled the activities of far right groups such as the National Front, the organisation that our main character Graham joins in 'No Thugs In Our House'. Both this song and 'Knuckle Down' are a snapshot of 80s Britain: the former depicts the insidious nature of racism and the latter, a call to end such ways of thinking. Graham is an example of how groups like the NF target the impressionable with lies and imbue them with hatred. With no parental figures to rein him in, this bigotry only festers. It's an ugly side of England, but one that still exists and is very much real. We talk about the glory of this country, but these songs point out that for some, much glory is founded in the suffering of others.

Save Us From The Ball And Chain: a musical portrait of early 80s britain (pt. 2) In addition to the negative impacts Thatcher brought upon Britain, her economic policies have also gone down in infamy, namely the millions put out of work as a result. Yet, the most infamous was the Miners' Strike of 1984-85, a bitter battle between Thatcher and trade unions. Miners and their families relied on handouts, receiving no state benefits at all. The landscape of the events, combined with Thatcher's belief that people were unemployed because they simply didn't work hard enough, is brutally reflected in the English Settlement track 'Leisure'. The economic tensions and anxieties surrounding employment reverberate through the song - most notably in Andy's cries of "leiiii-LEISURE!" and the shrieking, discordant alto sax solo at the song's climax. The other clear response to Thatcherism on this album is the record's second track, 'Ball and Chain'. A song protesting the destruction of the Swindon town centre, it was, according to Colin, a statement about "when eldermans in council chambers were getting outrageously fatter on inner city clearances". In other words, textbook Tories.

It's More A Way You Have To Give: English Settlement on Love XTC have never shied away from writing love songs; in fact, they've written some of my favourite, if not all time favourite love songs. But English Settlement isn't really an album about love in the way that, say, Wasp Star is. In my opinion, there are only 2 songs about the subject of love on English Settlement, and only one of them is really a 'love song'. That song, 'Snowman', isn't even a happy love song - it's about a loveless relationship, one where the narrator feels spurned by his girlfriend's coldness. It's a song about the painful elements of love, about rejection and hurt. In fact, it contains one of my favourite XTC lyrics: "people will always be tempted to wipe their feet on anything with 'welcome' written on it". It's just such a clever yet straightforward way of conveying the sentiment of being used, or being treated like you have no worth. Again, English Settlement isn't really an album about love at all, let alone an album that is sonically very joyful or celebratory - it is by far and away the opposite of that.

The other song I would argue is about love to an extent is 'All of a Sudden (It's Too Late)', a far more abstract composition - at least, lyrically - in comparison to 'Snowman', but a song that quite clearly touches upon the sentiment that we need love to survive and that we must realise this before there's nothing left to love and nothing left to give us love: "what can I say? why do we starve a thing that's near extinction? from day to day these weeds of fear are choking our conviction". Personally, I think it touches upon the idea that being sincere in regards to our emotions is always difficult - we're scared of making others feel uncomfortable, of being vulnerable and/or having that vulnerability exploited. So we hide our true feelings away, deep down inside of us - and then before we know it, the chance for honesty and truth is gone. The song is a reminder: tell someone you love them while you still can.

[carixes]

My Precious Boy.

Mb gang haven’t posted in awhile but im gna put this here since tiktok is being an ass and taking down my video

There was this boy

No one talked to him and he never talked to anyone

He joined late into the year so everyone ignored him

He was an outcast

But I never saw anything wrong with him

I thought he was rather sweet

One day after school, I see him walking home

He was carrying a huge stack of books

I heard my classmates whispering

“No wonder he’s a loner, he’s such a nerd”

“That freak, he doesn’t even have a life”

I dont know why but I got pissed off by them

A girl from the 7th grade runs towards the boy’s direction

She accidentally bumps into him which knocks him over

She didn’t even help pick up the books and ran off

All the boy did was sit there

I couldn’t tell if he looked mad or disappointed

I could’ve chosen to walk away and ignore him like everyone else was

But i knelt down beside him and helped him get his things

“That little brat, didn’t even apologise for bumping into you”

The boy looked surprised by my response

“Anthony by the way, nice to meet you!”

I saw with the friendliest smile i could

“Julian”

I helped him put his books back into his backpack and offered to walk him home

He agreed

We grew close after that incident

He would come over to my house and I would go to his

I learnt that he likes astronomy and animals

We would hang out at school too

I was one of the popular guys so naturally i started getting shunned by my group

But I couldn’t care less

Julian was the only one i cared about

I was the only friend he had

And he was the most precious to me

He was over at my house on a weekend

We were both sitting and chatting on my bed

He told a joke and we laughed

We stared at each other for awhile

It felt like ages looking into his beautiful eyes

All of a sudden he leaned in towards me

Like he was leaning in for a kiss

I don’t know what got into me but I pushed him away before he touched me

He looked scared

He looked like he did something wrong

“Im sorry” he muttered under his breath

He stood up from my bed and left

I wanted to say something

I wanted him to stay

I really wanted to kiss him

But he left

I decided to give him some space and decided that i would go over to his house the next day to apologise

I stayed up all night thinking about why I did that

Thinking about why i pushed him away

I loved him so much

And he loved me too

So why did i push him?

The next day I went over

His door was locked so I used the spare key he gave me

Nobody was home, not even his parents

“Julian?”

No response

My voice echoed through the walls of the house

I got a little worried

Julian always answered to me

I climbed the stairs to his room

His door was slightly ajar so i peeked in hoping to see him alright

“Are you o-“

I stumble back

I’m horrified by the sight in front of me

Why

Why was he lying on the floor motionless

Why was blood surrounding him

Why did he have a knife through his stomach

Why was his hands around the knife

Why did he stab himself?

I felt like throwing up

I crawled towards his side and felt him

He was cold

Tears started forming in my eyes

I don’t make a sound as the tears fall onto his body

What did i do wrong?

Why would Julian do this to himself

He was so beautiful

I would do anything just to bring him back

I would do anything to be with him again

I knew what I had to do

I took the knife out from his stomach

It was soaked in his blood

I kissed him one last time

“See you soon my precious boy”

I say as i plunge the knife into myself.

Hope yall liked the story gang i will try to get myself back into writing soon i was kinda going through some shit mb

[wiredaughter]

@augustwritingchallenge : retail @aug-kissed : handkiss

crack × a laywomans take on retail × 1096 words × ao3

WIBTA if i nocall-noshowed tomorrow?

i’ll start by apologising for the long post, but I feel context is necessary to explain both my situation and my decisions - and for the mistakes, as im on mobile. TLDR at the end, all advice is appreciated, ill skip outright trolls, there’s a reason i posted here and not in TIFU.

i (M24) work as an assistant manager in this fast food restaurant out of the south west. since i understand the assumptions that come wiht that statement, ill be clear here: i enjoy my job. the chain i work for is not nationwide like say, kfc, but it’s an established popular option in my area. they have the highest standards for both food preparation and customer experience ive seen in the industry, the pay is competitive, the work environment motivating and we get full benefits. so why would i want to miss my shift tomorrow, i hear you ask, and it’s all down to my boss (M45)

my direct boss is also the chain owner. working so close to him might seem stressful on paper, but it’s not. this man has a real passion for the business and is ready to both work with you around scheduling needs and man the registers himself in the rare occasions we’re understaffed. he’s wellknown around town for his donations to education and a public supporter police force, dea specifically as you might have guessed from my general location. my boss is like a pillar of the local community, i guess is what im trying to say. he dresses neatly and is dedicated to all his projects.

now, more of the joys of being a border state, a little over a year ago there was an incident where some cartel men showed up to the restaurant wanting protection money. i was, as everyone present, alarmed at the situation and that didn’t improve when my boss dismissed all staff and asked to be left alone to deal with the men himself. of course i offered to stay, as i thought he could use the backup being the mildmannered entrepreneur he is. he declined, and i went home not knowing whether id see him alive again.

next morning he was there for opening like nothing had happened. he explained the situation, assured us he was in contact with the police in regards to the incident and offered full pay for the day before and counseling. as ive mentioned above, he believes in his business and cares for his impact in the community. ive watched narco movies so i was unsure whether that’d be it but chose to trust him. and he was right, his friendly relationship with law enforcement and faith in our system paid off and we didn’t have customer intimidation again. admitedly, this made my respect for the man take a turn for admiration. im lucky to work for him and ive been increasingly more aware of it as things went as expected for about a year

this takes us to last week, when i took a break from inventory to check the tables and saw one of the men from last year. a part of me wanted to confront him myself, but i figured my boss should be informed beforehand. i did so, worrying he’d choose to speak with the man and his companion alone again. he did, inviting them to his office, and although the exchange was outwardly pleasant i could tell he was rattled. it was not my place, so i said nothing.

last night as we were closing, one of my coworkers (M27) forgot to cover the grill. not wanting to keep him from his family (he;s got a 3yo and a baby) i said i’d do it myself. my boss was there already and this devolved into a cleaning rut on my part after he pointed out my coworker had done a subpar job. after i fixed it, he was still unsatisfied. i could tell it was a mental thing but, rather than pointing it out and asking to share the load of whatever the men wanted, i got back to it when it looked like he’d do it himself. the grill was spotless and i was already staying late, but on the other hand i get overtime and i figured it’d be the best course of action to put him at ease. seemed like the least i could do, considering whatever he’s dealing with behind the scenes.

in the end, he deemed my work acceptable, which is dry for his usual assessments, and i knew he was weighed by his troubles. like seeing i was somewaht crestfallen after slaving at the grill for the better part of an hour he offered a handshake and, this is the crux of the matter, instead of shaking i kissed his knuckles. it was awkward and i said my goodbyes on my way to the door, drove straight home and tried to work on my classwork to no avail, distracted by today’s events and dreading tomorrow. i thought of calling in sick but i don’t lie to my boss, i thought of going in pretending nothing happened but that’s unthinkable. rn all i can think of is no showing without a call until i stop feeling weird but that’s so unprofessional i don’t know what to do with myself and my boss doesn’t need to have a MIA assistant manager on top of everything going on right now. still, it’s the option that doesn’t make me lose my mind so WIBTA if i went through with it?

TLDR: i have great respect for my boss and last night i foolishly expressed it through a handkiss like i was literally kissing the ring and now i can’t show my face at work again but i can’t call in and lie to him about a personal matter coming up which leaves the no call no show option but my boss is already under considerable stress and i don’t want to leave him hanging but would that be the best option?

edit: MY BOSS IS NOT IN WITH THE CARTELS, that’s the entire issue. he’s just a man who emigrated to our country expecting to be free from that kind of corruption and has worked hard to be where he is today

edit: do not ask if i have a crush on my boss that’s unprofessional

LAST EDIT: stop trying to guess the restaurant and, i can’t believe this needs to be said,don’t show my post to your server they’re busy people.

[nycityfm]

* 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐈𝐒 𝐔𝐍𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 !! i am so sorry, i'm running incredibly late today, hence why i'm only posting this now, and not to mention the anon hate has occurred once again, this is my final take on it, if you can't be productive and reach out like an adult, the messages will get deleted, i'm sorry you feel the way you do and then decide to send hate like a child rather then address it like a normal person. anonymous has been turned off permanently, i do apologise for those who rely on the anon button to ask questions about the roleplay, people like to ruin things, however please reach out via the IMs if needed. that being said i will be updating the app count quickly, i apologise for not being on much last night and then this morning, but i wish everyone to have the best day and i'll be lurking mobile all day.

[daceydeath]

Gentle Saviour

pairing: bang chan x reader word count: 3k genre: angst and fluff with the barest speck of suggestiveness at the end

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you have always dealt with insecurities and having a family life where your sense of worth is questioned leaves you with issues, good thing you have bang chan and his selfless support of you.

----- a/n: written entirely in lower case. also not totally edited so there may be some grammatical errors but i'm dyslexic so i mess spelling and grammar up sorry.

insecurity was something you had always dealt with. being run into the ground because of what you wanted, asked for or often even how you were made you constantly hyper aware of your flaws. the fact that it was usually at the hands of people you loved, trusted and adored made it all the worse, conditioning you into someone who could rarely ever trust that the people around you or whatever praise they may send your way. it made your relationship with yourself and others more difficult than it ever needed to be often leading to fights, tears and breakdowns. you felt isolated from the happiness you saw around you. resenting those who managed to feel happy with their lives.

meeting chan had only made it harder for you in some ways. He was so kind, so sweet and far too good a person to be wasting his time on you but he did and he always insisted he had no place he would rather be than with you. you had met by accident when he ducked into a small cafe to avoid photographers who were tailing him. looking for a place to sit that was out of the way he plopped himself down into the last table in the back corner half covered by the indoor plants that made the decor seem more homely. not noticing a bag already sitting on one of the chairs that you had left when you went to order your iced honey latte. when you approached the table it had surprised you to find him there but he had quickly apologised a look of guilt crossing his face as he planned where he could next hide. in an unexpected move on your behalf you had invited him to stay where he was you were only going to be reading anyway it didn't matter if there was another person with you. he had thanked you repeatedly his adorable dimples and smile lighting up his face. he seemed nice you had thought before retreating back into your head. when he felt it was safe to leave he did but not without thanking you again and sliding a note into your belongings with his name, a number and an email hopeful you would contact him.

that day had been a little over a year ago and although it had taken you a day to pluck up the courage to text him it had been a fateful decision that had turned your life around. at first it had just been texts back and forth then after a week or so he started calling you which was pleasant, his voice seemed to always melt away the stress you felt in your everyday life. after a month though he finally had some free time to actually catch up with you so you had leapt at the chance to actually see him, even if it was a little strange since all of your contact had been via your phone, he made you feel like you had been friends for years. made you feel safe and cared for and very quickly you had fallen for him.

"what are you thinking about" his voice bringing you back to the present to the quiet park you sat in together "you have been spacing out for a while now are you feeling alright?" he waited for your eyes to meet his before placing the back of his hand on your forehead to check your temperature

"im alright chan i'm just tired" you explained slowly smiling at him and he took his hand back and ran it through his blue hair "mum has just been really hard on me lately and my brother is alway on her side. it gets exhausting to be honest with you" chan furrowed his eyebrows are he frowned he knew you had a hard home life but it was increasingly oblivious that you were struggling more than you ever had

"what is it about this time? if you don't mind me asking that is" chan had always tried to get the details from you without pushing too hard he knew that would make it worse for you and he would never want that besides you were one of the the only people he knew that wasn't in the industry or family he wanted to keep you as close as he could. you gave him perspective, kept him grounded in a way that no one else did you were very special to him.

"just my life decisions nothing i do is ever good enough, my job doesn't pay enough, my education isn't good enough, i'm not smart enough and that i will never be pretty enough to marry well. just the usual really" you explained glumly "it's getting harder for me to ignore it nowadays it's just all the time i can't take much more of it"

"then don't" the blue haired boy exclaimed "come back to the dorm with me. just for the night the boys love you and i can totally stay on the couch or the floor" his quick verbal deluge surprised you. you had never stayed the night with chan you had fallen asleep on his shoulder watching movies before but he always woke you up and made sure you got home safe "on top of that your job isn't permanent you can get another one if you like and you are gorgeous so dating son't be hard for you"

"i can't do that what if someone at the company found out or worse one of those psycho fans of yours" your head was almost spinning at the suggestion you would love to stay at chan's for the night if you were honest you would love to stay with chan forever. he unwittingly had made you fall in love with him so soon after you met that you could never bring yourself to even imagine being with someone else preferring to be alone than with a guy who wasn't him. you were so caught up in the possibility of what could go wrong you had totally missed him calling you beautiful.

"yes you can and you will im not giving you the option tonight. you will come for dinner and a movie and then it will be too late and dangerous for you to go home so you will have to stay. the guys will back me up on this so don't make me call them" he was already texting the group chat to let them know what was happening. you sighed you knew that determined look chan was wearing on his face and it was pretty much impossible for anyone to change his mind once he decided that strongly something.

'ok chan if you're sure it will be ok" you agreed tentatively watching as his phone lit up with endless comments from the boys. felix was already starting on chocolate chip cookies for you all, lee know was asking about your food preferences and jeongin wanted to know what kind of movies you liked. they were darlings all of them and it almost hurt how grateful you were for them. getting to your feet you followed chan back towards the dorm being careful to keep enough space between you that no one could get the wrong idea.

you arrived at the dorm with chan after stopping to pick up a few ingredients that lee know needed for the dinner he had planned it was almost coming together so smoothly that you would have thought they had pre-planned this whole getting you to the dorm thing between them earlier. walking in you were quickly swamped by felix and changbin for cuddles as chan disappeared and while hyunjin made some tea for everyone.

"hyung said that you were having a bad day" seungmin stated quietly handing you a mug of the fesh hot tea

"thank you minnie i am not the best right now" you smiled up at him taking the warm mug in your hands

"do you want to talk about it?" felix whispered cuddling up to your left side

"it's just family stuff lixie i don't want to bore you all" you explained gently as each of the guys sat down around you with cups of tea "this i delicious tea jinnie" you murmured as you savour the flavour of the tea mixed with honey and warm milk

"it's not boring if its upset you" jeongin said as comforting as possible his voice soft and warm as he pouted at you. you thought about it for a moment as you felt several pairs of eyes on you as chan returned from his room and plopped himself down on your right side his arm instantly falling onto the back of the arm behind your head as he placed a black hoodie on your lap

"you said you were cold when we were getting here but since you haven't got anything with you just wear mine" he explained to answer the unsaid question on your lips smiling you detaingled yourself from felix and slipped it over your head. it was easily a few sizes too big for you since chan wore his hoodies on the oversized and baggy side anyway and it made you feel almost shy to be so small in his clothes.

"thanks channie" you whispered almost too quietly to hear feeling quite overwhelmed by the kindness they were all showing you. tears pricked your eyes and you blinked quickly trying to fend them off before any of them noticed even though you knew it was foolish they always noticed.

"nope no tears baby" Han announced as he launched across the coffee table to grab as many skzoos as he could before throwing them at you comedically. you giggled as you were battered around the head by a wolf chan and puppym while a bbokari sailed passed you and his chan in the face "sorry hyung but this is an emergency" he ducked but then continued to thow the plushies until all of them were around you or on you.

"my mother and my brother spend all their time trying to run me down. its getting harder to ignore that's all" you explained looking and the jiniret in your hands "my job isn't good enough, i'm not smart enough, i'm not educated enough and i'm not pretty enough to get a rich husband. which by the way is the stupidest thing i have ever heard i don't want a rich husband, if i ever got married i would want a nice husband not a rich one who even cares that much about money" your frown deepened as you started to vent to the boys around you "besides i don't even date so there isn't going to be a husband" you finished grumbling picking up leebit from the floor and smoothing out the fur. the boys all looked at you with shock then each other and finally chan before all talking over each other

"who cares what job you have you are still young"

"you are way pretty who even says that to their own daughter? you are the prettiest noona"

"your brother is a jerk if he thinks you are stupid, you are super smart"

"your mum really only worries about money?"

"i need to figure out how long to set the air fryer to cook them both!"

"you don't need a rich husband you have us to look after you"

"what do you mean you don't date why not you're so beautiful?

you teared up again but this time out of happiness they all looked so offended on your behalf and you couldn't help but feel loved and cared for by them. it warmed you knowing that these were the type of guys you had befriended these sweet boys who would always try to lift you up and look to help you with anything.

"why don't you date?" chan repeated slowly glossing over the fact that it was the second time today he had called you attractive to your face. you blushed the dark pink quickly racing across your cheeks and down onto your neck.

"there is no one i like" you replied softly hiding your face behind the sweater paws you had from the hoodie he had lent you

"Oh really? i would say that there is from that reaction" felix teased bumping your shoulder with his which in turn caused you to bump against chan's warm chest

"hey, hey, hey, hey less teasing more being nice you lot" chan playfully admonished enjoying the feeling of you leaning against his chest. you had yet to re-adjust yourself and he would take any moment of you being this close to him.

"ok if you are feeling better maybe you could help chan and i in the kitchen with dinner?" lee know asked trying to further distract the conversation away from your embarrassment as he and chan both stood up

"of course i'll help i don't like to freeload of you" you missed chan's warmth against your side but easily accepted his hand to help you stand leading you back through the room passed the dining table to the kitchen he didn't let your hand go. which also didn't go unnoticed by the others, each smirking at each other as they all realised that you wanted chan probably as much as they knew he wanted you. after chopping vegetables, making rice and helping lee know grill meat you all sat down together for your meal. the boys complimenting you and lee know on the food while chan just let the acknowledgement of his efforts slide knowing the praise would help you feel happy. after helping clear the table changbin organised han, seungmin and jeongin to wash the dishes while felix got out the cookies he made earlier in the afternoon and helped make hot chocolate with hyunjin while chan took you back through to the lounge to pick a movie. you settled on a marvel film to hopefully appease all of them.

"thanks for thinking of us but squirrel and i were going to go for a run after dinner" changbin apologised after to you looked up at him with worried eyes

"that's true i lost a bet and this is my stupid punishment" han whinged playing up the whole situation as changbin dragged him up the hallway to change into workout gear

"lix, jinnie and i are going to work on some choreography at the studio tonight so that we have something to show our manager for the comeback in a few months" lee know explained which you nodded to instantly

"oh of course if you need to work i don't want to hinder you but please don't overwork yourselves" you replied guiltily not wanting to hold up their schedules more than you probably already had. they each grabbed a bag and made there way out of the dorm followed not long after by changbin and han. finally jeongin and seungmin left to their own dorm to do a vocalracha vlive leaving you alone with chan.

"i guess it's not a movie night then" you muttered reaching for a cookie that had been put on the coffee table along with the hot chocolates that were left for you. chan sighed he realised that the boys had made these excuses to give you some privacy without wanting to let you know that they were giving you privacy so chan knew he had to make the best of it.

"we can still watch a movie or we could play a video go or just talk whatever you like" chan started softly "or we can just go up to my room to hangout" he trailed off looking at you warmly.

"chan can i ask you something and you won't think less of me?" the apprehension in you voice obvious to chan

"of course you can i will always support you, you're one of my closest friends" he answered immediately trying to calm himself for the possibility that this question could cause him or you pain. he watched you take a deep breath letting it out slowly as if to steel yourself for his answer

"did you mean it when you said i was beautiful earlier?"

"yes" chan breathed out instantly "i meant it when i said you are gorgeous earlier today too" he watched as your eyes widened in shock meeting his and you gasped sharply. in the few second he gave you to comprehend what he said he realised you were not unhappy with his compliment you were in fact very pleased with it. making up his mind he quickly cupped your cheek in his warm hands before leaning in to place his lips tentatively on yours this kiss soft and short but still incredibly sweet. your eyes had still been open he was sure of it but when your fingers slowly rose to your face to touch your lips you smiled brightly

"chan" you sighed softly feeling as though you must be dreaming silly grin on your lips as you blushed all the way to your ears "i have wanted to kiss you for so long would you kiss me again?" chan's heart soared as he realised what you were saying nodding emphatically he connected his lips to yours once more this time letting you kiss him back before deepening it until you were both out of breath. coming up for air he watched the dreamy expression on your face and knew there was only one more thing he had to say before this night lead you both to whatever destination fate had for you.

"please stay here with me and be mine, dont go back to your family stay here with this family stay here with me" he knew he sounded as though he was pleading even begging but he didnt care he wanted you only you. "i love you baby and i swear i'll take care of you forever" you felt as though your heart would burst from his confession knowing that he was putting on the line right here and now for you. you pulled him back to you to place a searing kiss on his lips.

"i love you too chan and i'll stay for as long as you want me" your words coming straight from your heart amazing you how right they felt to say

"always then" chan whispered taking you hand and leading you to his room.