#im sleepy as hell and i JUST drew this so if there is a glaring error everybody pretend it doesnt exist. thanks

[liyv]

do not disturb!

[obeiii-mee]

Hi there! Im back, tysm for doing my HC ;;/ it was super cute, i really liked Mammons and Satans!! If you dont mind if i ask for another? Hdjsks Recently, i slipped while walking home with some pals and scrapped my knee. It wasnt too bad, but it sure looked bad lmao If you can could you do HCs for the boys reacting to MC slipping and scrapping there knee while walking w them? Im sure Mammon would have a heart attack hfjd Tysm!! Keep up the good work♡

Thank you so much! I hope your knee gets better and that it wasn’t too painful! The brothers would all be panicking in their own way but I agree, Mammon would faint or something lmao.

Hope this was OK.

————————————

The Brothers with an MC who fell and scraped their knee:

Lucifer:

-It was a miracle you managed to convince him to come out on a walk with you at all

-The man doesn’t know when to take a break from his work

-He’s more likely to accept if it’s you asking tho, he has an obvious soft spot for you

-The others call him a suck up behind his back because of it

-You were so happy that you managed to pry Lucifer away from his desk, you were basically skipping alongside him

-Long story short, you tripped over your own two feet and fell

-Luckily, your knees and palms were the only things that got a bit scruffy

-Well, actually your right knee looked as if someone tried removing your entire knee cap with a scalpel, skin and all but adrenaline was kicking in and you couldn’t feel much

-You’ve never seen Lucifer freeze the way he did then

-His mind just drew a blank

-You were about to shrug it off and call it a day, get up and continue your walk but daddy Lucifer can’t have that

-He has six younger brothers (and a younger sister at some point) he is pretty experienced when it comes to treating injuries

-You aren’t walking for the rest of the day, let me make this clear

-He will carry you back to the House of Lamentation no matter how much you protest

-In case it wasn’t obvious already, Lucifer gives off massive dad vibes and now he’s bandaging your leg while you’re laying down on his bed

-While the rest of the brothers watch the two of you from behind the door frame because they are all equally worried

-Get ready for the three hour lecture coming your way

-He’s pissed and amused at the same time tbh

-Silly human, falling over like that and hurting themselves

-Lord Diavolo forbid you try to get out of that bed, he will drag you back and make sure you stay there until your knee is better (kinky)

Mammon:

-He was on his merry way to the casino to blow off all of Lucifer’s money and you tagged along solely for the purpose of making sure he didn’t spend all of Lucifer’s money

-You’d both be done for if he did

-But I guess fate really had it out for you on that day since your foot slipped on....something and you tripped

-Both of your knees looked bloody and damaged as hell but you were more irritated than anything

-Mammon on the other hand did a fucking double take and almost passed out

-He screeched his lungs out

-One look at your injured knees and he was ready to drag you all the way to the human realm on foot to find you a doctor

-“MC ARE YOU OK WHY THE FUCK IS THERE SO MUCH BLOO-HOLY SHIT STAY STILL DON’T MOVE! THE GREAT MAMMON WILL FIX THIS...SOMEHOW.”

-It was very dramatic, he cried

-You stood up to prove that you were alright because you thought he was going to have a seizure soon enough

-OK, that helped him calm down a little

-At least now he knew your legs weren’t about to get torn off and you weren’t on the verge of death

-Fuck the casino, you were going home

-Like Lucifer, don’t expect you will walk home by yourself

-He will carry you, a bit embarrassed by his initial freak out but still eyeing your wound, concerned

-As soon as you get home and the other brothers help you out because he’s shit at bandaging, he just sits in his own pool of misery and guilt

-Your poor knees wouldn’t be so jacked up if you hadn’t come along with him today

-He was so determined to make it up to you, he stayed by your bedside like a loyal puppy with a wagging tail (flashback to the animal event)

-Overall, he almost went into cardiac arrest and was too panicked to realise you were fine

-You thought he was smothering and overprotective before? Good luck for the rest of the week

Levi:

-“See, this is why I don’t like going out. There’s always some normie laying on the groun- OH MY LORD DIAVOLO, MC IS THAT YOU?? ARE YOU OK?”

-HIS HENRY ALMOST DIED ON THE NEWLY POLISHED FLOOR OF AN ANIME CONVENTION, HE HAS VERY MIXED EMOTIONS

-You fell knees first and hurt them quiet badly but you could stand, even if the pain made you twitch a little

-This confused Levi because you looked fine even though your knees certainly didn’t

-You told him you felt alright and it wasn’t that big of a deal and he absolutely rolled with it

-But you guys still went home after that

-He said it was because you bled all over your cosplay but that’s just him being a tsundere

-Levi is usually very shy when it comes to physical contact but he firmly insisted that he help you walk home

-I mean, he knows you said you were feeling OK and maybe humans just have a lot of tolerance for injuries like that

-But he still felt it was necessary that he took you home and checked out your injuries

-He kept the mood light while disinfecting you’re wound with some help from Satan by talking about how the convention went

-High low-key relieved seeing you walk around like normal two minutes after that

-He started bitching to you about how you made him miss his the event but he didn’t mean any of it

-“Stupid normie, making me miss my favourite Ruri-chan event. You’re lucky I love you and think you’re cute....did I just say that out loud??”

Satan:

-Oh dear, why would you go out for a walk in the middle of a rainstorm? What were you thinking?

-Actually, it was Satan’s idea

-He may be a demon and the prince of Wrath no less, but he is such a sappy, cheesy bastard at times

-He definitely thinks that walking and kissing in the rain is very romantic (bet he read something like that in an erotica)

-You know what’s not romantic blondie? Slipping on a very small puddle and potentially fracturing your leg

-It was just a scraped knee but you were frustrated enough to be extra

-He’s helping you up before you even have the chance to realise you fell in the first place

-Your knee was looking pretty bad so you guys went home just to avoid any further casualties

-He’s actually chuckling all the way back while you playfully glare at him because how dare he laugh at your misery?

-Date night was ruined but at least he got to take care of you

-He knew your knee must have hurt and he felt bad but he couldn’t help but giggle a bit to himself because your fall was so comical

-Ah but he does enjoy fussing over you for the rest of the night a bit too much

Asmo:

-You thought Mammon was melodramatic?

-Take a look at this fucking guy

-He actually screeches even louder than his brother and probably falls to his knees too (but not really because those pants were expensive)

-His screams definitely got the attention of at least 10 random passerbyers

-He’s actually on the verge of crying

-I mean, can you blame him?? Look at your beautiful knees!! They were ruined

-He felt so bad for you, he actually babied the hell out of you that day

-“Asmo, it’s fine. It’s just a scrap.”

-“A SCRAP, MC IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR KNEE IS ABOUT TO FALL OFF YOUR POOR SKIN-“

-It was just a scrap but Asmo’s secret talent is being extra as fuck

-He totally spilled all the tea to the rest of the brothers when he got home

-And then he ushered you into his room

-Funnily enough, he’s pretty good with injuries. Not as much as Satan and Lucifer but still

-He pampered you for the next few hours but that image of your skin being all grazed like that will forever haunt him

-How can you not be so bothered by it?? He’d die if he was in your place

-I love Asmo just because of how dramatic he is

Beel:

-Your shoelaces were undone and of course that meant a fun little trip to the floor of Hell’s Kitchen

-Beel didn’t notice you fell at first, he was concentrating on his food and assumed you were next to him

-But then he realised that you weren’t and for a moment he thought you disappeared or something

-Before he turned to find you laying on the floor, curled up because life was pain and you were suffering

-“Are you OK? Or are you just tired? Belphie does that a lot when he’s tired.” Or depressed one might say

-But for real, he’s good at identifying serious wounds and less serious wounds since he’s an athlete

-He can tell your knees were bleeding way more than they should have from just a simple scrap

-He slinged you over his shoulder and carried you, calmly, back home, with a burger still in his hand

-He’s actually really collective and talked to you while cleaning up your injury to take your mind off the pain

-He knows humans are a little more fragile than demons so even though he knows it’s not a big deal, he can’t help but worry

-It’s kinda hard falling around him tho because chances are, he will actually catch you even if he happens to hold something

-He’s sad if you’re sad so please don’t cry he will bandage your scraped knee do you want the last bit of his burger to make you feel better?

-Comfort hugs afterwards!

-Which is awesome because Beel gives out best hugs :)

Belphie:

-Ah yes, another beautiful day at RAD

-Walking alongside with your grumpy and sleepy boyfriend when a random demon bumps into you

-Wel not bumps, more like shoves you so hard you fall down and tear the fabric of your pants

-While the dude shrugs it off and speeds away

-You were a bit pissed off because rude

-But Belphie was fucking fuming

-He felt so offended on your part

-I mean, the nerve of him

-He was tired as shit but he wanted to chase after him and throw hands, possibly fill his pillow with rocks and hit him over the head with it

-He forced himself to focus on you first before hunting the moron down

-He was a bit concerned when he didn’t see you come back up after you fell

-Turns out, you scraped your knee pretty horribly and now you were bleeding all over the floor

-He’s even more quiet than usual as he helps you up and half carries you to your next class

-He starts taking care of your knee in the middle of DevilDom history he doesn’t give a flying fuck

-He’s still furious by the time he gets home and most of his brothers know to leave him be when he makes that scary ass face

-No talk to him

-He angy

-“Does your knee still hurt?”

-“A bit but it’s not-“

-“Come nap with me.”

-“Why?”

-“Naps shall cure your pain.”

-“...”

-“Nah but for real come take a nap with me.”

-Next day at school, the dude from yesterday walks by him and Belphie smashes his head against the wall

-Before walking away as if nothing happened

-I stan protective Belphie

These HCs are really bad but I love them anyway

Al~

[mrsbhandari]

wish you were sober

a/n: hey its a random ajay fic no one asked for fjkdlkjf;lskdj;f ANYWAYS im still working on that athlete au cuz its a BITCH but thats fine. i hope you like this one, it turned out way longer than i wanted it to oop--

words: 4k

warnings: underage drinking, swearing, light sexual harassment (brian crandall aka asshole of the year), like kinda suggestive if you squint

summary: ajay getting roped into the bullshit(tm)

tagging: @rulesofthebeneath, @theeccentricbibliophile

#

It was near midnight when she called, voice loud over the speaker of his phone and face lighting up the screen. He blinked blearily, unsure of what was really happening and what he should specifically do about this girl who called him and expected him to...what? Drop everything for her? Race over to Brian’s house and bring her home? 

I hate my fucking life, he thought as he pulled on some jeans and grabbed his keys. She looked crazy over the phone, speech slurring and loud laughs directed at something off screen that he wasn’t sure he really wanted to see. She yelled that he needed to get over there and hung the phone up abruptly, not allowing him to get any words in before she left, making his heart beat at the possibilities of what might happen if he didn’t pick her up. 

When he pulled up to the large mansion overrun with rowdy high schoolers, he couldn’t hold in his sigh. He was really traipsing into the lion’s den, looking for a fellow mouse that liked to wear a predator’s pelt, ignoring the looks of hunger pointed his way by the big dogs of both Hearst and Berry. He figured Skye would be upstairs in her room or sleeping over at someone else’s house, so being saved by her was out. Erin was on a trip with her family and Rory was practicing lines at their house, so he was sure that if Ajay was going to get Bailey, it was going to be by himself. 

He didn’t even know why she was here, and why the hell is he supposed to come get her? She probably tagged along with Casey, so why shouldn’t her own brother get control of her? She doesn’t even like me, he thought, grimacing and ignoring the odd stares at his behavior. He seemed to be doing well at hiding his crush on her in favor of the play, but no one told him how hard it was going to be with her! She smiled so easily, and he was just supposed to act like it didn’t make his hands shake and his heart beat faster and his mind race with thoughts of her lips on his and and and…

I hate my fucking life, he repeated to himself, making his way out to the backyard and the pool, keeping his head down to avoid any unwanted contact with people who could most definitely snap his spine in half if they wanted to. His eyes ran over the different sections of the backyard, focusing on the beer pong table that a certain blonde ponytail was near, making his heart skip a beat. He walked over, silently waiting for her to finish her turn and standing awkwardly until she did. What’s the etiquette for this kind of thing? He didn’t have to worry about it long because she sunk her shot and raised her arms up in a high V, shouting and laughing her elation at almost winning the entire game. He let out a small oomph! when she turned to him and wrapped long arms around his neck, seemingly noticing him for the first time. 

“Oh! Ajay!” Her breath stank of cheap beer, but she was so close to him and her body was so warm that he couldn’t find it within himself to care. “I’m winning!” She drew out the word, yet he hung onto every syllable like it was his lifeline, finding it to be the only thing keeping him from pressing his lips to hers, party be damned. A curse from her beer pong opponent brought him back to reality, making him pull back from her but keep a hand on his waist to ensure she didn’t fall drunkenly. 

“I’m here to take you home, Bailey. You called me?” He had to contain himself when she pouted, finding it to be the cutest expression ever, but she quickly turned away and slammed back the shots in the cups on the table. “Bailey, what the fu--” he began, but she let out a loud, giddy laugh. 

“I haven’t even gone for a swim yet?” She took a few uncertain steps, stripping her shirt off and then shimmying her skirt to the grass. Ajay shot glares at a few Hearst football players who whistled and catcalled her before following her protectively, hiding her body from the group of boys. “Ajay, join me!” She was painfully drunk, stumbling and moving far too loosely to be considered sober or dignified. 

“No, we can swim when you aren’t wasted, c’mon…” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a few girls filming them, so he turned his body towards their camera to hide her again. She had been dressed for it, a cute black bikini accentuating her curves, but there was something inherently sweet yet dirty about how exposed she was. He knew it would sound selfish if he ever said it out loud, but it didn’t sit right with him, the fact that she wasn’t only doing this for him. She was drunk, and she barely even noticed him there, and even if she wasn’t drunk, she would never look at him the way he wanted her to. “Bailey, seriously, let me take you home.” 

“I’ve got laps first!” She walked over to the diving board and carefully stepped onto it, almost losing her balance at its wobble. 

“Hey, this chick is gonna jump drunk!” Brian yelled, laughing cruelly at the crowd of other high schoolers who meandered over to the side of the pool to watch. Ajay wanted to yell at how they should be focused on helping her instead of going viral, but he knew it would fall on deaf ears, the predators too preoccupied with the smell of fresh blood. He turned his attention back to Bailey, who was posing for a dive, which she didn’t quite follow through on as she made her leap from the board. Before he could catch her, she was in the water with a splash, providing lovely entertainment for the top of the food chain guffawing at her jump. 

“Bailey!” he yelled, leaning forward as much as he could without falling in after her. She rose to the surface, but was struggling, splashing the water and taking gulping breaths that never seemed to be enough as she kept slipping under. Shit shit shit! He thought, quickly ripping off his shirt and jacket and dropping his pants, disregarding the suggestive sounds falling out of his classmates’ mouths. Right now, he needed to help Bailey; he would deal with his pending payout from the possibility of a Buzzfeed article later. He threw his glasses on the small pile of his clothes as he jumped.

The sudden feeling of the water enveloping him was a shock, but he ran entirely on adrenaline to get over it quickly and swim over to Bailey, wrapping an arm around her waist and hugging her close in the water. She was still struggling against him, unable to stop the panic that was taking over her heart, but he found the edge of the pool and the ladder next to the diving board, quickly pushing her to sit on one of the metal steps. When her fingers wrapped around the rail, she calmed down quicker than expected, allowing him a moment of relief to catch his breath. 

“Aw, damn, I was hoping I would have to administer some CPR!” Brian whistled, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at the pair in the pool. Suddenly, Ajay was hit with the realization that he was here...with Bailey...at a party...with a shit ton of high schoolers...in his underwear...sopping wet. 

I hate my fucking life. No matter how many times it ran through his head, a gorgeous face would pop up in his mind shortly after, making his features soften and his breathing slow. With a jolt, he felt her moving in front of him and opened his eyes just in time to watch her ass pass directly in front of his face, making him blush and look away. He climbed out after her, the reality of just what he did hitting him as he looked around at the other teenagers, all staring at him and Bailey like they were the only food available for miles. He found a towel on a table and handed it to her, but she offered it back to him with a flirty smile. 

“I think you need this more than me,” she whispered, eyes glancing downward for a split second before meeting his once more. He let out a cough and wrapped the towel around his waist, secretly happy he wore black, not-embarrassing boxers today. Collecting his pile of clothes from the side of the pool, he sneers at Brian when the boy stopped in front of them. 

“You think you can just make a mess at my party and leave without paying an exit fee?” He turned to Bailey, a sickly smile showing too many teeth and only making Ajay hurry to reach for his jacket and wrap it around her shoulders. “A kiss from the party girl?” 

“I think the fuck not,” Ajay said, tone low and threatening as he zipped up the thin layer over Bailey’s half-naked body. His arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her close to him and willing her to stop shaking at his side. She was suspiciously quiet, but he didn’t have time to worry about her; he needed to get her out of this party. 

“Oh, c’mon--”

“You lay a hand on her and I report you for sexual harassment, which will go down even worse when the cops look at the evidence of underage drinking. I’ll say it one time, and one time only: Fuck. Off.” He hid his satisfaction at the way Brian gaped at him and stepped out of the way. They silently walked off, Ajay’s hands full with his clothes in one hand and a drunk girl that he was secretly pining after in the other. He looked down at her briefly, eyeing her through her thick lashes that nearly closed over a sleepy gaze. Before he stepped back into the house, he looked over his shoulder to see Brian glaring after them. “Take that ‘exit fee’ and shove it up your ass!” With a resolute nod, he made his way through the house and to his car, surrounded by teenagers that he shooed away. 

“‘Jay…” she drawled, the first word she said in the past 5 minutes making him flush. “Where are we going?”

“Well, my house is closer, so I’ll text your brother and call your mom to say you’re staying over at my place.”

“Hm…” was all she hummed, allowing herself to be strapped in by him. He stayed outside the driver’s side to pull his pants on, but stopped with his shirt in his hands when she reached over and rolled the window down. “Leave it off!” She sounded like a child and he wanted to laugh, so bad, to just laugh with her and not worry about what the hell this party was and what the hell was going to happen in the morning and what the hell he was going to do when she was spending the night in his bed. 

But he couldn’t. 

“Sorry, Bailey,” he said, slipping the shirt down and smiling at her pained whines. 

“Such a Debby Downer,” she slurred. She looked back out of her window, pouting and ignoring him when he offered his phone, opened to Spotify for her. 

“I’ll make it up to you. Pick some music.” That seemed to distract her enough for him to get going, flinching at the volume she played WAP at and screamed the lyrics to. There was something intimate about this as well, and he couldn’t shake the feeling of how sweet it felt, wafting over his senses like being down the street from the bakery. You knew that the closer you got, the stronger the smell, and the more at home you felt amidst the warm pastries that lined the window. The closer he drove to his house, the more inevitable being close to her was, and he couldn’t get it out of his head as he switched his attention from the road to her hand movements as she rapped the lewd lyrics, fueled entirely by the alcohol. 

She whined more when he turned down the volume as he turned into his neighborhood, but he managed to convince her to be quiet with a single finger to his lips, something she seemed to focus on for far too long to even be attributed to the alcohol. She luckily kept this behavior up when he ushered her inside and to his room as quickly as possible while still keeping her from falling into several of Mohit’s loud toys and the large furniture that seemed to be ten times as dangerous at night. 

“I felt like I was on Wipeout,” Bailey gasped when he closed the door, voice entirely too loud for the quiet stillness of the room. He was about to scold her, but then she collapsed on the bed, making it creak and add to the genuine noise she brought everywhere she went. His heart decided that he liked the noises that were associated with her before his mind ever caught up, something that was happening a lot more nowadays when he saw her walk into the auditorium, ponytail swinging and smile wide. 

“Uh, here,” he said, offering a large t-shirt and some old pajama pants that were too small for him to her before turning around and covering his eyes. He heard the unzipping of his jacket and the ruffling of clothes, keeping his eyes shut under his hands as he waited for her with bated breath. He hated how his mind wandered to her even when he didn’t want it to, his eyelids seemingly tattooed with her bright eyes and curious gaze, always finding his glances with pinpoint accuracy that left him stuttering and looking away. She was here, in his room, drunk. Just a few feet away and he could reach out his hands to touch her, feel her skin under his palm, run the pads of fingers over her collarbone, the scar on her shoulder, the freckles on her cheek. His touch could linger for as long as he wanted it to, because she’d be looking forward to it as much as he was, and she would pull his face down for a kiss that knocked the breath out of his lungs. 

“You can look now,” was what a tentative voice behind him said, jolting him out of his fantasy and making him turn around. No matter how much mental preparation he could put his mind through, he never could fully be ready for the sight of the sight of his large shirt slipping off her shoulder, revealing the collarbone he had just been thinking about a few seconds before. She sat cross legged on the sheets, making her seem smaller than she really was. 

“You must be tired.”

“I’m not.”

“You looked ready to pass out at Brian’s, don’t bullshit.” He sounded unnecessarily harsh which made him feel even worse than he already did for her as she cast a glance down at her hands. He sighed. “Sorry, I was just worried.”

“About me?” 

“Well, you almost drowned, so yeah. I was worried.” Her gaze was still on her hands and she hummed, too full of thoughts for someone who probably couldn’t keep them straight. 

“Was that the only reason?”

“You talk too much. Aren’t you supposed to be passed out by now? I’ve never dealt with a drunk person before.” He saw her cheeks grow bigger and figured she was smiling; it made him smile, too, an indicator that he was too far gone to ever deny feelings for her that flitted around his mind like cobwebs. He shook them away to force himself to listen to her speak once more.

“I just…” She trailed off but stopped herself from releasing anything else, lips tight and silence awkward. 

“It’s fine.” His voice was too hurried, he sounded too panicked, and he cringed to himself when he got the simple words out. Damage control. “You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to.” She just hummed again, and he hated the way he analyzed it, searching for the hidden meaning as if the vibrations would unlock some new achievement, leaving a letter in his pocket that would lay out all the things felt between the two. The more he thought about it though, the more he realized he would be afraid to read it. “You take the bed.”

“What? Why?” Her voice raised unexpectedly, enough so that even she seemed surprised by the sudden raise in volume that was met with another finger to his lips. 

“It’s polite, I’m not making you sleep on the floor drunk.”

“Just sleep with me.” The alcohol was clouding her mind, letting more pass through her filter without a second thought. 

“I can’t do--”

“Why not?”

The challenging tone made him pause, unsure if she really meant anything by the insistent way she clenched her fists and stared up at him, nose scrunched in an adorable pout that made his heart melt. He could feel his resolve crumbling, which is surprising since he was always seen as one of the most stubborn students in the theatre department. Someone shouldn’t be able to wear him down this much unless they were holding a gun to his head. 

Or maybe they were just looking at him with such a determination in their eyes that it made him stop and consider the options for once. 

“If I do this, you’ll sleep?” 

“Yes,” she sighed more than spoke, scooting backwards on the bed and edging over to leave room for him. He wondered if she could already hear the beating of his heart, loudly rushing into his ears as he tried to calmly walk over to the side of the bed. It all felt domestic, like they were husband and wife, but he felt too loud to be considered casual. His feet pounded the wood below him and his large hands scraped against the sheets. He left a layer under him so as to separate him from Bailey, but it proved unsuccessful as she just climbed (stumbled) back out and then got back in on top of the same layer, getting rid of his barrier and only making him sweatier. He was still in jeans, they noticed at the same time, and she looked up at him expectantly. 

“You can change your pants you know.” She raised an arm to her eyes, closing and covering them. “I won’t look.” 

You can if you want to. 

The sentence was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t find it within himself to say it, opting instead to just silently get up and change, slipping his legs into pants that he only realized matched hers when he climbed back beside her. When he settled with his back against the headboard, he nearly yelped when her hand found his thigh, running her fingers over the soft material. 

“We match.”

“Yeah. Unintentionally, I swear.” He stiffened when she nudged closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder. 

“I don’t mind. I think it’s cute.” 

He never expected that “Bailey Called Something I Did Cute” to be written on his tombstone, but here he was: murdered by the shape of her mouth forming a word like that in reference to him. 

“Can I kiss you?” The question was unhurried and whispered in his ear, but it hit him like a bolt of lightning, sending tingles over his entire body as he flinched away from her. 

“What?” Half of his body was off the bed as she leaned closer to him, cupping his right cheek in one hand. She still smelled like shitty beer and chlorine, a combination that should’ve made him gag, but she managed to make seem like the highest priced perfume. It made him want to lean in right back, slot his lips against her plush ones and just accept that it happened, but he also knew that going back on his word to the rest of the theatre department was an awfully shitty move. 

“I want to kiss you.”

“You’re drunk.”

“What’s the saying? ‘Drunk words are sober thoughts’?”

“You want to kiss me when you’re sober, too?”

“All the time.” His breath hitched; Wasn’t expecting that development. “I wish I didn’t have to kiss Rory in the play. I think they like me and I don’t want to lead them on, but it’s so hard when the kiss is so anticipated. It’s especially hard when I have a crush on my director. ” 

Ah, the kiss, Ajay remembered, slightly ashamed at all the times they’d rehearsed the scene but he would always call for them to stop just before the climax of it. He knew it was kind of pervy, but he really only wanted to watch his crush kiss someone else the minimum amount of times he was required to: the four times they were performing the show, nothing less and absolutely nothing more.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Say you’ll kiss me.” 

“What about the play?”

“It’s your rule. You can decide if you want to break it with me.” She didn’t know he had already decided months ago when he saw her at auditions that if the opportunity ever made itself known, he would break a thousand rules just to feel her skin against his one time. And now he seemed to be giving in, leaning in closer and closer until her breath was hot against his, shared between the two like a secret. 

“I’ll kiss you,” he decided, finally closing the gap between them and kissing her. His lungs and chest felt tight, but any concerns about the play, the party, or the bitter taste of beer on his tongue melted away as she kissed him back fervently. He figured he should be impressed with how good she still was at kissing despite being wasted, but his thoughts were cut off as she pulled back. He was suddenly self-conscious, concerned about how good he was and the line of spit that still connected them. “What--”

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” she breathed, chest heaving with the excitement and the alcohol still in her system. “I’ve wanted you for so long, Ajay.” 

Ajay loved music, but he decided that if he had to give up every single record he owned just to hear his name fall out of her mouth again, he would hand them over in a heartbeat. Despite the way his heart was beating out of his chest, he forced himself to sound casual as he looked down at her. “Oh, yeah?” 

“Yes, you dork.” A drunken smile that stopped his heart and made his mind click trying to story it in his memory slipped onto her face, and she dropped her head back on his shoulder. “A long time,” she repeated softly, and before he could respond, she was asleep. 

He gently lifted her up and laid her down flat on the bed, making sure to keep close to her and her warmth. Just before he turned the light out, he pressed a kiss to her head, savoring the picture of her sleeping so soundly next to him, clutching his arm and one leg thrown over his waist. 

“Me too, Bailey.”

[thespiantherepist]

Android Shinsou x female reader Smut!

Notes: Hitting you with that dirty game first babes! Ill try my best to make a Gender neutral reader for it I swear.

Warnings: Smut, pet names, yandere-ish themes, slight aphrodisiac.

Your experiment, one you had been working on since your first year of college. Your pride, and joy. The one thing you cared about as much as your animals.

The very thing you devoted your soul to.

Your android.

Yeah you'd made one, or two, or uhh... Seventeen award winning ones, and twenty nominated ones. This one was different though.

You never really were able to get a partner. (You never looked.) You didnt know why.

(You Never Looked.)

So... you made a robot that would love you just as much as you loved it. Because appearently you didnt appeal to anyones tastes anyway.

(For the love of god, the huminoid sonic had been trying at you since pre-k!)

It was the moment of truth.

You tested his chips, his circuts, the endoskeleton. You ran his programming through a computer for days to make sure it was correct.

You beamed with delight. Your smile illuminating your flat.

"This is it!" You said, flipping your head over to stare at your Bulldog, Steve on the couch. "Soon you'll have a buddy to play with all day!" The American wagged his tail in a chill manner before lying his head back down.

"3...," You whispered to yourself. Flipping the switch on the back of his neck to boot him up.

"2...," You said louder this time, leaning into your computer, and running a safe check on his files.

"....1." You said in an awestruck tone as the pop up button showed on your screen. You clicked it.

Hurriedly you skipped over to your creation, giddily jumping up, and down.

Soft whooses, and buzzes thrumed in his ribcage. His skeleton moved into place visibly. His artifical skin heated, warming your freezing hand.

'Yes..'

The yellow light turned on.

"Yes."

It slowly changed to Green, then started blinking rapidly, starting his actual systems. Air seemed to spin in the room to fit your excitement. Beeps from deep within him cued your reactions. Your eyes glittered with glee, and tears pricked your eyes. His body moved slowly a bit.

"YES!" You happily grabbed his hands shaking them a bit.

"Open your eyes sleepy head!"

A breath came from him.

You drew yours in.

He didnt respond.

"Come on hun, lets get at it!"

... This is worrying.

"Shinsou, on." You said, trying to verbally aid his process.

And for a second.

It seemed to work.

For one second.

It never actually did.

Your heart shattered, tears immediently trekked down your face. Hitched breaths wrecked your body, as you dried to calm down. Trying to swallow the coil in your throat.

You sat inside your house for a few days.

Religiously trying your process.

And each failed attempt ended in more tears.

Each ended in another heartbreak.

It sent you spiraling.

And each day you spiraled further. Further into a pit of resentment to the peice of junk that ruined countless oppourtunities for relationships.

For jobs.

For sleep,

health,

money,

family.

You resented the scent of lavender, and blackberry that came off of him each night. The scent that would drive you wild.

Cause you to touch yourself each night.

Each night.

On the couch facing him.

After you finished you always felt violated.

You couldnt stay at your flat any longer.

You spent two weeks at Tenya Iidas. It was the best two weeks of your life. You actually felt terrible leaving.

The second you entered your house you noticed something was up.

There was a linear pattern of lavender lights leading into the hallway.

The smell of Lavender, and Blackberries were gone.

There was a silhouette sitting at the bottom of your stairs.

The shape sent an immediate rush of fear into your heart, and you whimpered stepping back towards the door. The figures eyes opened slowly revealing beautiful, glowing, purple orbs.

Strangely enough this sent even more fear through your body. You had programmed your android to protect you after all.

"What. The. Fuck. Type of stunt do you think you just pulled Kitten?" His voice was laced with venom, a warning had you ever heard one.

"I- I wha?"

"Dont act fucking stupid with me!" He shouted, springing up from his spot at the base of the stairs in incredible speed.

"You smell just like him."

You paniked, pressing your back against the door as he advanced to you. The scent coming back stronger than ever this time. Your knees buckled, and you fell to the floor, hand grasping then knob.

"Oh, Kitten, I didnt mean to scare you." He said in a mocking tone. "Come here~" Your body moved on its own. Pressing flush against him. Arms encasing his neck, nose nuzziling into him.

"Thats really sweet of you, ya know?" He asked in a vauge manner. He pushed you away slightly so he could get a better loom at you. "You didnt become a slutty little bitch when you went to that cucks house. My Kitten stayed heated only for her Master~"

Your eyes widened in fear, then in realisation. You huffed slightly. Pressing your now, warm, nose against his neck.

'Of course, you programmed him with those sensors idiot.' You mentally kicked yourself.

"Were you on the entire time?" You asked pulling away from him glaring slightly at your masterpiece. Watching as his pupils geared to aim towards a spot in the corner of his eyes. His lips stuck out in a playful pout before he smirked.

"May-be." He said misheviously. You gasped, and punched his chest lightly, to which he chuckled.

"You asshole, why?"

'Ah, so loud!'

"I thought you looked cute mad~" It was your turn to pout a bit. 'This sadist.'

"So kitten," Shinsou said leaning in, "Tell me," Your mind went blank from the scent that he emmitted, "Do you wanna play a bit?"

You nodded quickly, staring at the man above you.

His eyes flickered for a second.

Lavender to Ruby.

A glitch?

You didnt think it was too problematic, a minor color glitch. Nothing too serious.

Im so sorry my friend.

He smirked, picking you up by the hips, wrapping your legs around his waist.

He kissed you deeply, his warm lips unexpected especially for him. He immediately pressed his tounge past your lips. Turning your head so you could get better leverage. You squeaked in suprise, and slight discomfort. Bringing a hand to his shoulder, and the back of his head for stability.

He presesed you against the wall behing you, one hand at the small of your back, pressing you up to him. The other left your hip, trailing up to your breasts, then slipping his hand into your pants.

You gasped in surprise, trying to break from the kiss, instead he deepened it. You moaned slightly into his mouth, causing him to groan deeply. He wrapped his tounge over yours, nearly chocking you in passion.

Your eyes were practically screwed shut from intensity. The two tendrils slid over each other, collecting the essence upon each other.

Shinsou slid his finger into your sopping cunt. Pushing upwards in a quick pace.

You openly gasped at the intense sensation. Youd never inserted anything inside before.

You threw your head back, neck bare to the machine in front of you. He added another finger, heading right for your neck afterwards. He nipped and bit as he pumped his fingers at a rhythimic pace. He felt your hands curl at his head, and he looked back up at your soft, lewd expression.

Drool fell in thin rivuletts down your chin. Your eyes tolled the back of your head. Heated cheeks adding to your beautiful expression.

It seemed as if the world stopped for a second, Shinsou felt real. He hadn't realised his fingers sped up until he heard your delectable moans gettting louder.

"Ngh- Ahah! Shi- shinsou, so clooose ahahh!"

You whined in pleasure squirming on his fingers. He wasnt going to let this opportunity go to waste.

He heaved lowered your bodies quickly so he was face level with your cunt, then without taking his fingers out he started to devour your pussy. He sucked against your clit, then dipped his long tounge deep inside you.

You flinched at the warm sensation entering your hole. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head, in pure bliss.

Your moans shook the windows behind you. And Shinsou?

Shinsou was dining like a king. Your essense dribbled down his chin, making his sensotove nerves go haywire. He twisted, and turned his tounge around inside you, pulling it out occasionally to press a kiss to your clit. Everytime he did that he sped up.

You felt it wriggling inside you, pressing at your walls demanding you to come.

His artifical scent grew stronger as you came closer to your finish. You wailed, pulling at Shinsou soft locks.

"Are you gonna cum kitten?" He said, voice muffled by your pussy. He nuzzled your clit with the top of his nose, forcing a drawn out moan from you. "Kitty cat, Imma count to three for you okay?" His voice again sent vibrations to your hole.

You ground your hips into his mouth, causing his movements to stutter a bit, before he gained a new pace.

"Three, two... mmph, now kitten!"

The coil inside you snapped hard. Your jucies sprayed all over his face, and partiality on his chest.

He stared at you in awe, seeing your pussy absoulutely soaked. Some dribbled on his hands. His eyes resumed their glowing state as he flipped you over.

He leaned over you on the floor, bending down to whisper in your ear.

"Im going to fuck you so hard kitty, Im going to fuck you until I am the only man you'll ever wanna see."

You moaned in anticipation.

"Wait, please be gentle, its my first time."

He just smirked softly, placing a soft kiss to your neck. He slowly slid his member in, the muscle massaging your slick walls. Hitting every pleasurable nerve on its journey. Your brain blanked.

He didnt bother going slow after that immediently blasting into your hole. Large hands grasping tightly onto your hips. Thrusts shaking your entire body.

It carried on this way for what seemed like ages. Him thrusting into you at unimaginable speeds that sent your body into a tizzy.

When you finally came you fell from heaven, and landed into the fiery pleasure of hell. Warmth left, and entered you at the same time. A moan leaving your twitching mouth, drool escaping in tandum.

Shinsou pulled out. Marveling the sight, and oicking your limp body off the floor. He pressed a tender kiss to your forehead.

"Dont worry bout a thing kitten," He said when you felt yourself asending the stairs, and you looked up slighlty. "Ive got you."

ge entered your room, and layed you down slowly.

"I love you Shinsou."

"Love you to kitten, now let me go get my charger, and Ill be right back."

[shhh-no-ones-home]

passed duff mckagan x reader

+++++++++

this was originally supposed to be super sad but now its not so yay! lol its whatever ill probably write another one that is in a bit. again its only half edited so if there are any errors, sorry.

Song: 400 lux by lorde

tag list: @cynic-spirit @satans-arse @slashscowboyboots

+++++++++

Duff leaned into me, the bottle in his hand landing in my lap as he gripped it tightly. He had been drinking most of the night like he usually did and I finally got him calmed down enough to sit still. The rest of the guys were passed out around the room and I refused to sleep until I knew they were all comfortable and safe. Duff was the only one left, still trying to get me to laugh as he poked my cheek a few times, being way too close to my face with his own.

"Come on, isn't it just a little funny."

He slurred, making an inch with his fingers. I glared over at him, brows raised.

"No duff, you need to go to bed."

I said, trying not to mother him but it coming out that way anyways. He pouted and sat back, his hands landing in his own lap now as he sat further into the couch.

"This sucks."

He said, looking at the ground. I drew my brows in confusion.

"What sucks?"

He sighed, lifting his shoulders in a half shrug.

"You don't like me anymore."

He said softly.

"What makes you think that?"

He let out a short laugh.

"I have a list actually."

He said matter-of-factly. I raised a brow in shock.

"Is that so?"

He looked over at me and nodded.

"Yeah."

I turned to look at him.

"Care to enlighten me?"

He mirrored my actions, his hair falling away from his face, the black streak at his neck showing itself.

"You don't laugh at my jokes anymore."

He said a little hurt and I snorted.

"Okay?"

He nodded once.

"Yeah, and you don't talk to me anymore when we're on the road."

I drew my brows together again, trying to think of a time when we had sat down to talk just the two of us. I was coming up empty handed though.

"And don't think I didn't notice the way you talk to me now, like I'm some sort of child."

He said scoffing, pulling a cigarette out of his jacket pocket and lighting it. I sat and thought for a second. I guess I have been doing all of these things but it wasn't because I didn't like him anymore. If anything it was the opposite. He sat forward again as I stared at the couch in defeat.

"Duff..."

I started, looking up at him and reaching up to run my fingers through his hair. He dropped his head back against the couch and looked at me as I twirled a piece of his mane around my forefinger.

"I still like you, I promise, It's just..."

I paused, opening and closing my mouth before finding the right words.

"It's just, I feel like I've gone from friend to caretaker."

I sighed, closing my eyes.

"I'm tired. Keeping you all on track is like herding kittens. I feel like I don't have time to myself anymore. I don't laugh at your jokes because I don't have the energy. I don't talk to you on tour because I'm too busy making sure everyone is where they're supposed to be. And I've been treating you like a child because you've been acting like one, hell you all have."

I looked over at him and he was staring at me intently.

"I'm sorry."

Was all he said. I sent him a soft smile.

"You shouldn't be sorry. If anything I should've known what I was getting into when I joined the team."

He grabbed my hand away from his hair and kissed the palm of it, me resting it against his cheek when he let go.

"But you shouldn't have to deal with us. We are five grown men, we should know how to take care of ourselves."

He said in an almost demanding tone. I ran my thumb over his cheekbone.

"Yeah, you'd think so."

He rolled his head forward.

"No, we should, really. Starting tomorrow I'm getting all these guys asses into gear. You don't need to deal with us. We can take care of ourselves."

I rested my hand on the back of the couch.

"Okay duff."

I said half amused. He leaned forward and set the bottle on the coffee table, cigarette still burning between his lips.

"We'll make it up to you."

I readjusted in my spot so my back was against the arm rest now.

"Deal but if you wanna make a difference right now you'll go to bed."

I said, yawning. He sighed, plucking the stick from his mouth and dabbing it out in the ash tray. I watched as he stretched, his back popping.

"Okay."

He said softly, sitting back before leaning over me. My eyes went wide as he wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his head on my chest and getting comfy.

"Uh, duff?"

I asked. He hummed in response, tightening his grip on me. I sighed and relaxed into him, he was warm. A nice contrast to the basement air.

"Nevermind."

°°°°°°°°°

When I woke up all I could focus on was duffs breathing on the back of my neck. I didn't want to open my eyes yet out of fear of being met with one of the other guys scolding us. At some point during the night we had switch positions, duff now spooning me from behind but a death grip still around my torso. It was comfortable if I was being honest and he was still a welcomed warmth. I heard a soft click sound before half opening one eye. Sat in front of me was two coffee mugs and a pair of legs I didn't need to look up to know were axl's.

"Sleep good?"

He asked, finally drawing my attention. I looked at him and rubbed my eyes.

"I guess."

I said groggily.

"You two get into some things after we all fell asleep?"

He asked, raising his brows and taking a drink from his own mug. I sent him an annoyed look, trying to sit up but duff pulling me back down. I sighed out in defeat.

"No actually but when duffs drunk it's kind of hard to move him."

I said trying again but failing. Duff groaned against me. I looked back at him to see his face scrunched up.

"Sto-op."

He whined, digging his face into my back. I looked up to axl for help and he just laughed at me.

"Just making sure you didn't sleep with my bass player."

He said amused. I breathed deeply.

"As if."

He shrugged and turned to walk away.

"You might want to drink that before it gets cold."

He said making his way to the stairs and walking back up them, his feet heavy against the wood.

"Duff you gotta let go."

I said softly, running my hand over his. He made a noise low in his throat.

"But you're so comfy and warm."

He protested, gripping my shirt tightly in his hands.

"Axl brought coffee."

I wooed, trying to persuade him. I felt him shift, poking his head up to look at the coffee table. I leaned back and he looked down at me.

"Good morning gorgeous."

He said in his best flirty tone, smirking at me.

"You're not funny."

I said finally able to sit up. I stretched out as he moved behind me, also sitting up and reaching for a mug.

"I think I'm hilarious."

He said boldly, taking a sip and moaning softly. I sent him a weird look before picking the other mug up. I Inhaled the scent of it but didn't actually take a drink, just holding it in my icy hands. I heard duff yawn before he dropped his head to my shoulder.

"i dont wanna be awake."

he groaned out and i rested my head on the top of his.

"you have a headache yet?"

i asked, feeling him shake his head no against me.

"then you can nap later."

i heard him yawn again before sitting upright and grabbing the half cigarette from the ash tray. i watched as he lit it, setting his mug back down first.

"hangover naps are the best naps."

he said, exhaling smoke out his nose. i laughed a little bit.

"whatever you say duff."

he looked over at me and offered a sleepy smile.

"you still okay if i crash at your place tonight?"

i nodded.

"as always."

i said, raising my mug to him in a toast before taking a drink.

"welp, i guess i better keep my word."

he said, putting his cig out and standing. i looked up at him as he reached down and grabbed his own mug.

"wait, really?"

i asked and he laughed.

"i promised id get them into gear, so thats what im gonna do."

i smiled to myself as he made his way to the stairs.

"hey duff?"

i asked and he paused, one foot on the bottom stair and one on the ground still.

"yeah?"

i nodded slowly.

"thanks."

he raised his mug back to me like id done before.

"no, thank you."

he said before making his way slowly up the stairs. i sat back and sighed. hopefully that works.

[98prilla]

Seeking Oblivion

Previous

AO3

So this is the last chapter, for now! I had a lot of fun with this, and might do some more with it in the future. If there’s anything specific you wanna see, or ideas on where to go, feel free to comment, and who knows, I might get inspired!

...

Patton let out a small whine, gathering Roman into his arms, smiling a bit tearfully as he curled closer to him, nuzzling against him with a small sigh. He could feel the heat radiating off Roman, the small shivers wracking his frame, and he summoned a blanket, tucking it around him as he moved them both onto the couch.

 “Ree? You mind expanding this so we all fit?” He asked, looking up at Remus, who cleared his throat, blinking back his own tears, before nodding once, with a snap expanding the couch into a huge bed, complete with fluffy green blankets and pillows. He blinked back more tears, as Patton smiled kindly, patting the spot beside him.

 Remus was there in an instant, snuggling up beside him, his head on Patton’s shoulder, forehead resting against Roman’s, clasping one of Roman’s hands in his as he took a deep breath in, focusing on his bond to Roman, which he could feel, he could feel Roman again, right there, right there, right there.

 Janus slipped in on Patton’s other side, situating himself so he was half sitting, half reclined, setting his gloves aside as he reached up, letting his hand rest in Patton’s hair, gently massaging his scalp. The moral side practically purred, closing his eyes and leaning into Janus, closing what little space had been between them, to Janus’ fond amusement.

 Virgil curled up around Remus with little fanfare, his presence a solid support against Remus’s back, making him breath a little easier at the soft, pressing weight, smiling just a bit as he felt Virgil’s arms settle around his waist, hugging him close, his head pressing against his back. He hummed appreciatively as Virgil nuzzled closer, a bit touched that he still remembered how he liked to be cuddled. It had been too long since he’d been any kind of close with the resident rain cloud, but for the first time he felt like that might change.

 Logan was the last to climb in, taking off his tie and setting his glasses carefully aside, once again tucking himself around Janus, just as he had in the forest of vines, feeling Janus’s surprise at his outright display of affection, but he was too tired and worried to care about his feelingless façade. Instead, he just sighed, content to join the ‘cuddle pile’ as Patton would call it, unable to keep his gaze off Roman.

 “He’s going to be alright, Lo.” Janus murmured, his free hand finding Logan’s, squeezing it once before intertwining their fingers. “He just needs rest, and lots of love, to recover.”

 “I’m still worried. Any number of things could go wrong, with a fever like this.”

 “Hey. Leave the worrying to me, teach. Trust me, I’m doing enough for the both of us.” Virgil mumbled from the other end of the couch, making him chuckle slightly.

 “Apologies, Virgil.”

 “I’ll let it slide this time, Lo. Don’t make a habit of it.” Virgil said, faux threatening tone belied by his giant yawn, eyes slipping shut. Logan felt Janus untwine their fingers, instead wrapping his arm around Logan’s shoulders, rubbing soothing circles on his back, and he let his own eyes drift closed in surprised delight. This… felt very, very, nice. Maybe if (when) he took himself up on Janus’s offer to talk about his (non)existent feelings, he’d ask for more physical touch, as well. He drifted off to Janus’s gentle touch and Patton’s low, humming lullaby.

...

He woke slowly.

 First, he was aware of softness surrounding him, warmth emanating from every side, the overwhelming sense of safety, love, warmth filling him up.

 Then he felt the soft exhale of breath against him, something shifting against him, and he realized it was arms around him, holding him.

 He could feel his limbs, heavy as weights, his body sore and aching all over, and with monumental effort, he tried to open his eyes, succeeding only in letting out a small noise as his body tried to comply.

 “Princey?” Virgil, his voice sounding sleepy. “Roman, can you hear me?” instantly the emo sounded more awake, and he felt someone shift against him, a hand pushing back his hair. He managed another pitiful sounding whine, eyes flickering open, vision dim and blurry.

 “Virg..?” he managed, his face a blur, only purple and black coming through, telling him who it was.

 “Hey, there, Princey. How ya feeling?” He nuzzled against Virgil's hand, a soft sigh escaping his lips.

 “Roman! Roro, ro, im gonna kill you, you hear me? Imma kill you.” His words were countered by his gentle, oh so careful hug, as Remus helped him into a sitting position, keeping an arm around his shoulders as he leaned against him, the altitude change making him inhale sharply.

 “rem… ‘m sorry, rem. I thought-" he was cut off by Remus kissing the top of his head, pressing their foreheads together.

 “I know what you thought, big dummy. Just don’t… don’t let it happen again. You scared me.” Remus mumbled the last sentence before pulling back, letting him rest his head against his chest, eyes fluttering closed once again.

…

 His eyes fluttered open at a soft touch on his forehead, blearily meeting Logan's surprised gaze.

 “Hey teach.” He rasped, managing a small smile, though his head was pounding.

 “Roman. Your fever has broken, but you’re very dehydrated, and no doubt exhausted yet. Can you drink this, for me?” Logan's voice was uncharacteristically soft as he helped support him, helped him lift the cup of water to his lips, which he drank gratefully.

 “Remus… where-"

 “Janus and Virg are with him, making him get some rest. He’s been watching over you, kiddo.” If he weren’t so tired, he would have jumped. He hadn’t even realized the cushion behind him was, in fact, Patton, unusually quiet, voice a bit shaky.

 He let out a breath, nodding, sinking back against Patton, feeling Patton shift to fully cradle him on his lap, and to his surprise, he felt Logan shift closer as well, gently scritching at his scalp.

 “I love you, Ro. I love you so, so much. No matter what, I love you, Roman.” Patton murmured in his ear, and he smiled softly, nuzzling closer.

 “love you too, padre. Thank you, Lo, for taking care of me.” Then he’s drifting off again.

 “of course I’m taking care of you Roman. I… love you.”

…

 He woke to the smell of food cooking. He groaned, though his head no longer pounded and his body didn’t ache. He felt… rested. For the first time in a long time, he felt like he’d gotten a good night's sleep.

 He rubbed his eyes, pushing himself up to sitting, eyes squinting open as they adjusted to the light of the living room.

 He was alone, at the moment, and he felt a strange pang of fear, before he heard voices from the kitchen. He tilted his head, he couldn’t make out the words, but it sounded like Patton and Janus, at least.

 He was a bit shaky on his legs, wincing at their soreness from lack of use, the curled up position he’d been sleeping in, leaning against the wall as he crossed the short distance to the kitchen, leaning in the doorway for a moment to get his bearings.

 Logan was sitting slumped at the table, face in his hands, hair frazzled and glasses askew, sans tie. Virgil was beside him, hand on his shoulder, clearly trying to ease his worry, though his own face was pinched. Janus and Patton were both cooking, moving flawlessly around each other, like a dance long perfected, a bit mesmerizing to watch. And Remus was sitting on the ceiling, gravity somehow not affecting him as he muttered under his breath, scribbling frantically in a journal, occasionally summoning a colored pencil or gel pen to his hand, and Roman realized there were about twenty colors rolling around on the ceiling.

 It was a soft, casual scene, a family scene, and he felt a little bittersweet smile on his face, because everyone was happy and content, and how had they ever broken the spell, when they had each other like this?

 “Food’s almost done. Lo, you wanna go check on-“ Patton cut himself off with a gasp, eyes widening and dropping the spatula he’d been holding on the ground as he locked eyes with Roman. With a wordless cry, Patton threw himself across the room, Roman letting out a soft ‘oof’ as he caught the moral side, holding him tight in his arms, feeling Patton shake against him.

 “heya, padre.” He mumbled. Patton drew back, cupping his face in his hands, his eyes wide and watery, somewhat anger filled as he glared up at him.

 “Roman Creativity Sanders, what the gosh darn HELL were you thinking!?” He drew back, shocked at Patton yelling, much less swearing.

 “Pat, I-“

 “I love you, Roman. I love you so, so, so much, don’t you dare ever think otherwise, don’t you dare ever leave like that again, Roman. You are part of this family, you hear me? Anything that’s wrong we can work out together, if you need space just tell us and we’ll let you have it, if we’re bothering you just let us know, but don’t you ever, ever leave, please, Roman, please…”

 “Hey, hey, hey, I won’t, I’m sorry, padre, I’m sorry, pat. I’m not… I’m not going anywhere.” He murmured, pulling Patton back into his arms, burying his face against Patton’s shoulder, tears leaking from his own eyes at the absolute love radiating off of Patton, dispelling all his doubts of moments before.

 “we made chicken fettucine alfredo. I know… I know it’s your favorite.” Patton sniffled, a small smile flicking across his face.

 “It smells wonderful, Pat. I’d love some.” He murmured, not pulling away from Patton at all, despite his words, making Patton giggle slightly. Patton moved back after a moment, tugging him to the table, where he sunk into his customary seat, fidgeting a bit nervously with his sleeves, feeling the eyes of the others’ on him. He jumped as Remus did a flip from the ceiling, landing hard enough to leave a small impact crater on the floor, colored pencils and gel pens raining down around the kitchen.

 Wordlessly, Remus stomped over to him, glaring so angrily he could feel the heat of his gaze, and he shrunk down further in his seat, unable to look up and face those angry green eyes, to face the wrath and disappointment and fury.

 “Remus-“ He didn’t get another word in as Remus fell into his lap, legs wrapping around his middle, arms wrapped around his neck in a koala hug, his head tucked in the crook of his neck. He was too surprised to move for a moment, before he wrapped Remus in a tight hug back, breath hitching as more tears spilled, hiding his face in Remus’s shirt. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. He could feel the waves of anger/grief/relief/fear/hurt/comfort/love/hate/want/need rolling off Remus, and knew his own emotions were just as much of a tangled mess, but at the moment it didn’t matter, because they were at least together.

 “are you gonna move, so we can eat, rem?” He asked, stomach grumbling as Janus put a plate on the table in front of him, piled with noodles and sauce and chicken, all of it smelling delightful, the scaled side gently ruffling his hair as he passed to hand out other plates.

 “nope. Deal with it.” Remus stated flatly against him, making him chuckle lightly, but he didn’t protest.

 “ok. Don’t be mad if I drip anything on you, then. I know how hard it is to get stains out of that silk.” He commented, Remus giving a noncommittal sound in return, simply squeezing him tighter.

 They ate in relative silence. Once he took a bite he realized how starving he really was and practically devoured the plate of food, not to mention how absolutely divine it tasted, and while eating he was able to ignore the silence, ignore the eyes flicking to him, ignore the questions and inevitable conversation he could feel building in the air, making his pulse start to ever so slightly speed as he forced his breathing even.

 “Well, thanks for the meal, and taking care of me, but I should be off.” He tried, forcing a bright smile to his face, ignoring the frown on Patton’s face, the soft concern on Janus’s.

 “Roman, we really should-“

 “It’s fine! I’m fine, now, and we can all just… move on.” He interrupted Logan, forcing himself to meet the logical side’s eyes, hoping his expression was strong enough not to crack.

 “Bullshit.” His smile slipped at Virgil’s statement, a hint of tempest tongue slipping into his voice.

 “Language, Virg.” Virgil’s eyes narrowed more at his admonishment, and he swallowed hard under Virgil’s stony gaze.

 “Stop it.” Virgil snapped, continuing before he could interrupt again. “Stop pretending like you’re fine, like you didn’t just wake up from a three day fever sleep, stop bullshitting me, Princey, and just fucking talk to us!” His eyes widened and he reached out, across the table, grasping Virgil’s hand in his to steady him, opening and closing his mouth several times as he looked for the words, before finally sighing and looking away.

 “I don’t know what you want me to say.” He finally uttered, letting his tired defeatedness show as he rubbed his face, running the hand through his hair.

 “We want to know why.” Virgil asked, almost begged. He let out a sharp laugh, letting go of Virgil and sinking back in his seat, shaking his head.

 “you already know why. You figured out the curse, didn’t you?” He asked, unable to help the bitter edge to his voice.

 “we did. We know you felt unwanted, Roman, but I would like to understand why.” Janus, and he barely held back his scoff, softening a bit as Remus shifted out of his lap and into a new chair beside him, still holding tight to his hand.

 “Because I was. I… know you… care, but that doesn’t mean you… need me. I…” he took a deep breath, trying to keep it together. “none of my ideas are… are good, and I can’t make anything right, and I just keep screwing everything up, and I can’t… I can’t keep up. I’m not… I’m just not smart enough. Thomas has outgrown me. You all have outgrown me. Remus… Remus is more equipped, to handle the gray scale than I am. He understands it, he knows it, he lives it, he has the more mature themes that Thomas wants to explore, anyway, things I can’t understand or… or do because of what I am, and no matter how hard I try I can’t change my core function in that way. I… am just a relic of childhood that has refused to go away. The… the imaginary friend, that has stuck around too long. I should have faded years ago, anyways, so stasis… it seemed like the best option.”

 He could feel Remus squeezing his hand in a death grip, and he smiled weakly, looking up at the others, trying to keep his vision from blurring with tears. “like I said, it’s fine. I didn’t… I didn’t expect to hang on this long, anyways. It’s nice, to know you care, and you want me, but I’m not… essential. Not like the rest of you.”

 “Roman. I… I am all too aware of how these cognitive distortions would have developed, but you must recognize that… that what you have said is simply not true!”

 “That’s kind of you Logan, but it isn’t necessary-“

 “FALSEHOOD!” Logan screeched, slamming his hands down on the table, leaning on them heavily as he suddenly stood, sending his chair toppling backwards as he stared down Roman. “It’s clearly extremely necessary as you apparently have no idea of your inherent, incredible, value, and all you bring to this team! You are half of creativity. You are Thomas’s passion and romance and love. You are his aspirations and his hopes and his dreams, you are all the things he wishes and hopes for and desires. Remus also encapsulates some of that, yes, but not in the same way. Remus is lust and dark desires, the violent split second thoughts Thomas thinks when angry or frustrated, the late night desires that come from his loneliness or the occasional lewd dreams when he takes over for the night, the inappropriate, crude jokes and laughing at innuendos, finding amusement in the childish ones in animated films, but he is not the same as you, and he could not ever feasibly replace you. You drive us forwards with intention, not the random chaos Remus throws us forwards with. So while you may consider it kind of me to say, clearly it needs to be said more often and with much more force, because it is also irrevocably true, that you are not only needed, you are essential, you are wanted, and you are needed, not only by Thomas but by all of us, as well!” He gaped at Logan, he didn’t think he’d ever heard him shout that much, or show that much emotion all at once, so openly, his eyes glistening behind his glasses. He… didn’t even know what he was thinking.

 “Logan is right, Roman. I… know you may not want to hear it from me, or… or even listen to me at all, right now, but he is right. All of us are tired and overworked and need a break to take care of ourselves and each other, no one more than you. I know how hard you work, Roman, how hard you constantly, endlessly work. You are critically important, Roman. That should never be in debate.” Janus added, sincerity in his soft tone.

 “I meant it, princey. You make me better. You make all of us better. I… god, it hurts to admit, but I like your company, Ro. You’re so… good.” Virgil muttered, face burning crimson, eyes gleaming from behind his bangs as he fiddled nervously with his sweater, giving him a small, tired smile.

 Then there was a blur of blue, and he was once again pulled into one of Patton’s papa bear hugs, and he let himself cry, leaning into Patton’s hold, feeling Patton rub his back and rock him as he let himself go and cried, for the first time letting himself believe what they were saying, letting out all the hurt and confusion and pain from the last video, from the last few videos, from the last few years, not caring anymore about who saw, how he was perceived, not caring about his image, that had gone to shit anyway, and he cried because he didn’t know who the hell he was supposed to even be anymore.

 “just yourself, baby. You only need to be exactly who you are, whoever that is, whoever you want that to be.”

 “B-but y-y-you don’t l-like him.” He sobbed. “every time I t-try to b-b-be him, n-no one wants him. Every one w-wants prince roman, h-happy and d-dazzling and f-f-fun but n-no one listens or c-cares ab-out any oth-er kind of me.”

 Patton inhaled sharply, holding Roman tighter, looking helplessly to the others for some kind of assistance, for something to say, because Roman was right. In the past, they’d only wanted happy, chipper Roman, they’d only wanted to show the best parts of themselves, with no room for anything else, and it had hurt them all, and it had been his own fault, for thinking that repression was the best answer.

 “Roman. I promise, I promise you, that things will be different. They need to be different, we will make sure it’s different, because I will not, I won’t, I won’t hurt you like this again, I won’t shut out everything except your positivity, you get to be mad and sad and upset, you get to feel Roman, no matter what that feeling is.” Patton murmured, voice choked.

 “p-promise?” His heart broke at how small Roman sounded, and he kissed his head, drawing back so they were eye to eye.

 “I swear it, Ro. And… and Janus will call all of us out, from now on, if we’re not letting ourselves feel, r-right, Jan?” He asked, looking up at the scaled side, who nodded.

 “I will, if that’s what you want. Not in front of everyone, if unnecessary, but if I sense you lying to yourself or to the others about your feelings, I can step in so you can let them out. So we can all have a constructive conversation. I think… we could all use a few of those.” Janus answered softly, surprised at being asked to help, surprised even more as Roman nodded.

 “o-ok.”

 “yeah. And I’ll beat the living fuck out of anyone who says your feelings are dumb or doesn’t listen to you.” Remus answered, getting a small, watery laugh out of Roman.

 “What do you need, Roman?” Logan asked, voice gentle, as Roman looked up at him, inhaling a shaky breath.

 “N-nothing, it’s-“

 “Roman. Don’t make me start calling you out already.” Janus, a small, half exasperated smile on his lips.

 “Ro. No one’s gonna judge, okay? Just… please. Let us help.” Virgil, and how could he say no to that gentle, pleading tone?

 “just… can we just watch a movie? Together?” He asked, letting out a small squeak as Patton easily lifted him up, carrying him to the living room and depositing him gently on the still giantly extended couch.

 “Any movie in particular, kiddo?” Patton asked as he slid off Patton’s lap, instead sitting beside him, one of Patton’s arms around his shoulder as he leaned against him. He almost said it didn’t matter, before he thought better of it, a small smile creeping across his face.

 “maybe… maybe Inside Out?” He asked quietly, rewarded with a soft, beaming smile from Patton.

 “Sounds perfect, kiddo.”

 Janus popped the dvd into the player as the other sides slowly settled in. Logan sat down on Roman’s other side, tentatively reaching out and taking his hand, cheeks faintly pink as he focused on the screen, though he started rubbing circles on Roman’s knuckles. Janus sat down on Patton’s other side, a hand resting on the moral side’s leg, ever so slowly letting his head rest on Patton’s shoulder. Remus settled on the floor, sprawling out and laying across all their feet, flipping over on his stomach and summoning his sketchbook once more, needing something to do with his hands. Virgil climbed up the couch, laying stomach down atop the back of it, his head resting atop the cushion between Roman and Logan, one hand idly finding its way into Roman’s hair, the other cushioning his chin as his gaze flicked between the movie and Roman, slowly relaxing as every moment convinced him a little more that Roman was here, Roman was going to be ok.

…

“patton?” Roman’s sleepy voice asked, halfway through the film. Virgil was long asleep atop the couch, one hand still in Roman’s hair. Logan’s head was tilted back, soft snores escaping his nose every few seconds. He couldn’t quite tell if Janus was actually sleeping or not, though his eyes had been closed for the last half hour, hat and gloves discarded on the cushions beside him. And Remus was splayed out like a starfish across the floor, having summoned a giant stuffed animal octopus that he was tangled up with, and a blanket Patton had summoned and draped over him. It was quite cute, actually, even if he occasionally sleep mumbled something about the crunch of bones in his teeth, or how crickets screamed when you ripped off their legs.

 “yeah, Ro?” He answered quietly, draping a blanket over Virgil behind him, before tucking the rest of them on the couch in with a large quilt.

 “thank you. For… for not giving up on me.” He let out a soft breath, smoothing back Roman’s hair.

 “I will never give up on you, Roman. I love you, sweetie. Forever and ever. Ok?” He asked softly, feeling Roman looking up at him, nuzzling closer, tucking his chin against Patton’s chest.

 “m’kay, pat. Love you.” He mumbled, feeling the ghost of a kiss against his head.

 “love you too, kiddo. We all do.” And for the first time, in a long time, Roman believed it.

[archiveofidentityconstellations]

cass won't share her cheese nibs and bruce doesn't love me and i think?? that i deserve better??? than this???? i'm moving to alaska where NO ONE CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO

the sequel to that one trix yogurt fic

I feel like I should tell you that I am MASSIVELY fucked up right now 

 like i am such a garbage heap that oscar the grouch took a look at me and said 

 “fuckk off!! i have standards!” 

anyways

it’s Brimothy, bitch

what is UP mothertrucksrs it is Me i am back here to write a report on the UNBELIEVABLE SHIT I JUST HANDLED.

okay so u know how Gotham city is on crack cocaine all the time. with like some LSD and heroin and never ever any weed except for like who is that pig guy?? nevrm he doesn’t have weeeed but like he is definitely a Pig. what the fuck is his name. what the fuck.

 okay so anyways 

 is it Goyle

 Doyle

 Pigoyle 

 tin foil? lmao

OKAY FUCK anyways the City, who Also May Be My Lover, is in a constant life crisis (which i relate? a Lot) and do you want to know this s h i t

Crocodile

Killer Croc

who Steve Irwin would be v disappointed in

Is climbing

into people’s FUCKING TOILETS

???????????????

THIS ISN’T FLORIDA

THIS IS NEW JERSEY

WE WEAR SHOES IN THE WINTER

WHAT SORT OF FLIP-FLOP WEARING CUCKER DOES HE THINK HE IS

okay so obviously KC is a big guy. a Dude. a whack-o whaler of a Male. a Big Boh. the largest banananana in the pack. he is Big. so he cAn’t fit into most people’s toilets. he can, however, fit into Big People’s toilets (big as in wealthy, not As in Tom Hanks)

so KC (crispy,,,nuggest…i wonder if fried alligator is good—not that im thinking of eating him, though someone really should threaten him with cannibalism, like if you’re going to be a bitch about it then you deserve the same done to you, it’s just manners) is in cahoots and canoodles with Someone Who Shall Not Be Named (not bc i don’t know, I do, that’s how detectives work. it’s my JOB to know, and i was a prodigy) but bc there is a whole other report detailing this person and their movements and its case file #4461 if u don’t believe me, but i ain’t no snitch, but i will say that tonight’s events connect to file #4461 so Dad if you’re reading this you should already have it out bc it’s your JOB

speaking of jobs ding ding here is mine coming round the mountain as she comes bc the apple bottom jeans the boots with the fur will be coming round the mountain when she comes shE’ll be coming round the mountain she’ll be coming round the mountain she’ll b e coming round and getting low low low low low l ow low

It was a crisp October night. The sun was blinking its sleepy lids, setting the ballroom with an incandescent glow. Bruce Wayne strode across the floor, his daughter Cassandra accompanying him. They wore matching expressions that the privileged always wear: guarded, yet hungry. Hungry for what? Probably for the crab cakes just out of reach. Neither of them had an allergy, and Cassandra in particular had a propensity to shove anything edible in her mouth, so it really was a tragedy that those crab cakes were all the way across the room. There should really be a table right in the middle of the dance floor just for snacks. That way caterers wouldn’t have to do so much leg work, which is actually a good thing, because that ballroom floor is slippery af. This narrator should know, he has Died A Few Times getting there. Suddenly, the night’s festivities were interrupted by a social faux pas: a scream.

You don’t just scream at regular parties, it’s uncouth and hysterical. But you can scream if the social boundaries have already been crossed, and boy, were they crossed.

You see, Dear Reader, there was a man in the toilet.

I use the term “man” loosely, as his glaring yellow eyes do wonders when you might just crap your pantaloons. You start imagining things, like dinosaurs whcih i am personally a big fan of bc Jurassic Park has a kid named Tim in it and I am also Tim.

 hI y is our toilet so big that Killer Croc could wiggle his way up? also how long can he hold his breath. 

 it seems to be impressively long

 hey Bdad how long can he hold his breath? please let me know if you can, and if you won’t i will eat all your wafers becauzs i wa

Mrs. Trenton screamed and fled the impertinent bathroom guest, who wasted no time in ripping the commode to pieces. There was a roar and all the guests paused, unsure if it was merely pipe problems or if they were under attack.

Reader: They were, in fact, under attack. 

The guests, deciding that Mrs. Trenton was a social entrepreneur, followed her lead and began to scream. Killer Croc had made it to ballroom, standing at an impressive height just outside the doors.

He was Not wearing a shirt.

okay have u ever noticed that Killer Crog hasn’t got any nipples????? where are they? he’s got pecs but no nipples?? 

where did they go where are his nip nops i kno people don’t like to think about this but i hAve wondered since i was like 13 like where did they go. has anyone ever asked him. 

did they fall off

“Take the crab cakes!” shouted Matthew Fielder, a lil bitch.

“No, take me!” said Cassandra Wayne, who would literally rather die than give up those crab cakes.

Killer Croc paid them no heed. He desired one thing and one thing only, the sweet satisfaction for his carnal craving: Humain Flesh.

(alliteration hell yeah hell yeah take that Mrs. Johnson i do know shit and im creative as well u jusy don’t know how my brian works it’s like a golden goose egg trap ye ye ye)

 i just Realized 

 i am…a high school drop out

 i don’t know why im doing this

Dear Reader, as an Aside: Smoking can lead to many health issues, especially if one begins smoking at a young age. Harmful side effects include increased risk of stroke and brain damage; muscular degeneration, eye cataracts; cancer of lips, nose, tongue, and mouth, and nipple loss.

 Jason you may want to have a talk with you and your mipples

The terror in the air was stifling. Cannibalism conduct was not something conveyed in etiquette classes. Rich people never expect to be eaten.

Reader, everyone hardly breathed. Something deeply primal had occurred. 

From the doorway the golden eyes struck. Deadly. Lethal. Hungry. 

This was more than vengeance. It was a sadistic occasion of play.

  okay good thing Dames wasn’t there because he fucking HATES KC he gets all huffy and shrieky about him like “he’s a HYGIENE PROBLEM” and it’s like,,,,,.ur right but i don’t want to agree with you because where do we stand if i do that?? as brothers???

 i think the fuck not 

anyways i just realized i’ve been calling Waylon Jones KC the entire damn time (NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE) but to be fucking h, he wants to to be called that. i called him Allen once and he was so PISSED so i can only think of actually calling him by his name. he wouldn’t even be chill with me naming the sewer alligators even tho they were awesome names. i called one Dundee. that’s fucking genius. that’s just. i’m fucking amazing. stupenous. and unappreciated.

 maybe his nipples fell off because he swims in shit every night?????

 question: why do i swim in shit almost as often 

 what the dfck

 what are my life choices

 i feel like there should have been some fine print involved here 

 “Robin duties include scraping shit off your asschreks 3 times a week”

 mahbe,,,,maybe not what i want 

 personal choice

though i haven’t really seen any alligators in the sewers for years now, which is

oh my god OH MY GOD HE ATE THEM  HE ATE THEM OH MY GOD  OH MY GOD !!!!!!!!!!

HE FUCKING  HE FUCKING. HE. HE ATE HIMSELF  HE FUCNING ATE HIMAELF AND HIS FAMILY HIS COUSINS HIS CPOUSINS  HIS FAMILY OH MY GOD  THIS IS LIKE MY 8TH GRADE GRADUATION ALL OVER AGAIN

im so disturbed……..i like, need to eat something. Fucking hell. this Not what i had in mind when i decided to be alive.

i feel like as if i woke up one day and i was the only one in the entire world who remembered Caillou. also could pull off my face and eat it like taffy. imw so. i.

mom i know i refused to go to Shabbat when i was ten so i don’t get to say this but:

this is Not kosher 

oh heyy i want some pIckes

i was also thinking of takin a spin class?? like fuck it i like to bike. fuck it. and maybe iwdont want bruce and nigtwink fucking watxhing me with their beady eyes. like get those off my calves. my cleavage is up here, gentlemen. stop talking about proper form. some people can do things and suck at them. i’m never going to be like a professional ice curler. and i shouldn’t feel bad about that. who the fuck curls for fun. maybe Canada???????

note to self: look up the history of the sport of curling 

i’m going to get good at it to piss off Jason

Back On Topic:

Killer Croc took a step forward. His mouth trembled, watering in anticipation. He took another step.

Mrs. Trenton drew in a breath. 

The room was silent. 

Far across the room, Bruce Wayne clenched his champagne glass. Cassandra Wayne stopped chewing the crab cakes.  Reader, I won’t mince words: Waylon Jones crossed the threshold.

  and the instant he put his foot down on the ballroom floor he fucking slipped like a drunkass toddler

like when Damian is really really tired bc he’s like 2 years old (only an evil 2 years old like chucky) and Jason tries to give him a high five 

gremlin still doesn’t get that “down low” precedes “too slow” 

and he like. faceplants

onto the fucking concrete 

and then Bruce yells at Jason 

and then Jason yells back

“I NEVER ASKED FOR SIBLINGS”

like it was something we all did, like wrote it down on our batmas lists for Brucie Claus 

and im sitting there, a perennial Forgotten Middle Child

and Damian is like still. on the ground.

anyways KC is just slipping across the ballroom, slippering and sliding bc the floor was just waxed and it’s silent except for the wet slaps of his feet against the floor and the screech his tail makes every time he trips (sort of like this) and when he sometimes falls it makes that sound of when your thighs SLAP against the mats and it sounds like a wet walrus coming to cheer you on while a Giant simultaneously swallows a liquid-filled gummy worm down his throat like QAWAGGHHHHHHH only his falls reverberated against the ceiling panels and the cherubs looked down in like. disgust.

Cass began chewing the crab cakes again by the time Killer Croc fell for the twelfth time so idk it was an embarrassing situation

 we all did that Thing people do when a social barrier is breached 

 we like…..avoided each other’s eyes and made light conversation 

 meanwhile Killer Croc’s body screeched in the background

anyways Matthew Fielder was like “so I hear you dance ballet” and Cass responded “uh huh. tap too” and the chewed up crab cake crumbs fell out of her mouth and onto the floor

 i CAN’T

scrambled cock on a cracker, Cass why does Alfred let this happen????? what is this??????  like she can snort creme puffs like cocaine but GOD FORBID i put my elbows on the table and call damian “a poisonous little bitch” because he ate my croutons

 the standards in this family are unbelievable

So everyone is just talking and Mrs. Trenton is sipping champagne now and Luis Alvarez is doing that thing where he starts trying to eat caviar one teeny tiny egg at a time and KC is just like WHUMPH for the thirtieth time

finally dad takes pity on him and crouches down and is like “hey how you doing slugger” which???? Offended me. Very Much.

that’s MY nickname 

has Waylon No-Nipples Jones been adopted by Bruce Wayne??? has Waylon No-Nipples Jones retrieved HIS sorry ass from time?? i don’t fucking think so 

the audacity of this man

but before Killer Croc can reply

Red Hood

BURSTS INTO THE ROOM

guns out, voice modulator kind of fuzzy like a broke refrigerator that makes an “eeeeeeeeeee” sound ever since i tripped over it and fell on it

 which wASN’T MY FAULT 

 IM NOT “deformed baby zebra clumsy” FUCK YOU JASON 

 MAYBE HE SHOULDN’T KEEP HIS EXPENSIVE HELMET ON THE FLOOR THEN 

 you know what? I’m GLAD i tripped over it.

 yeah. suck it. 

 im glad you sound like a 90s japanese transistor radio 

 off brand too

 fuck you 

 I GOT A BRUISE NOT THAT ANYONE CARES 

 even Bruce was like “hey tim you need to watch where you’re going”

 ???

 how about YOU watch where YOU’RE GOING 

 “where” as in TIME TRAVEL 

 REMEMBER THAT BRUCE 

 REMEMBER THAT?!???????

 HUH BIG GUY?!???????!!???

 no one is allowed to criticize me from now on

 i am Above Reproach 

    anyways yeah Red Hood appears at the party and shoots KC and Bruce was like “why the FUCK would you SHOOT HIM” as if he has some misplaced paternal feeling for Waylon No-Nipples Jones because he called him slugger which is something he calls one of his other kids but whatever im not bitter im just insecure and sad all the time but don’t worry about it maybe i’ll die one day and you’ll all be sorry especially about Certain Things like not sharing cheese nibs huh Cassandra

so RH and Bruce Wayne kind of argue. like. literally sniping at each other bc SOMEBODY forgot that Red Hood is a criminal and not their misplaced son and RH is like “it’s!!!!! a tranquilizer!!!!! ya big hoe!!!!!” only he doesn’t really say it like that but everyone isn’t even listening at this point because this party has already been so goddamn weird and we’re all suffering from secondhand embarrassment

i am Assuming,,,,,that Killer Croc Jones “Jonsie No-Nipples” has been taken away to be put into jail and studied for his non-nipple properties but at this point i’ve been sitting here huffing that cold medicine or whatever Bruce gave me. which

 oh yeah i was crushed earlier 

 it was by “slugger” but whatever

 yeah his body broke mine 

 it was because Bruce and Jason were fighting again and not paying attention so 

 KC was tranquillized and like 

 fell on me 

 he drooled on me too 

 those ballroom floors really hurt 

 like my head feels like mush 

 Alfred’s oatmeal 

 on its second day 

 because i refused to eat it on the first day 

 that man has a spine of Steel and he Does Not Let You Waste Food 

 btw he fell on me because i pushed Luis Alvarez out of the way 

 he was really transfixed by those tiny fish eggs 

 it’s fun to put them on your tongue and let them like slide around 

 so i pushed him out of the way and was promptly crushed to death 

 B said something about a broken collarbone 

 i am more worried about a broken butt 

 fuck

 my coccyx

PROFESSOR PYM wait no shit that’s a comic book character

anyways my butt is broken and im hungry and dad wouldn’t let me get out of the chair so i write up this report because I am A Real Life Detective and I do my JOB

once again im the best

hey red jood can you get me some cheese nibs cassandrA won’t share which is p mean especially since i was all for being eaten to give her those crab cakes  red hoof red  why isn’t he responding to me i want xheese nibs red hanz  red  red  Red Hood please I require sustenance  red fhau red gjji red hhood ted joood redb hood red red edds red red edd dedd red red red red red wd red  what the fuck what a right bastard sometimes oh hi Badaman

EDIT: His name is “Pyg.”  Fucking. Pyg. Points taken off for unoriginality.

decided to have a tumblr version too ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[mab2184]

Valentine’s Day- Joshaya Fanfic Chapter 1

Josh woke up suddenly with the familiar ringing of his alarm reverberating in his subconscious. It took him a couple of seconds however to notice that the song that usually woke him up- "It's a beautiful day," by U2 was NOT what was ringing in his ears. It was an obnoxiously loud and terribly sung birthday song. The tone was off-key and the voice sounded like one of those munchkin videos. Who the hell was singing like that?

He sat up on his bed and spun around towards the direction of the singing to notice none other than his college best friend, Andrew Watkins. Andrew was excitedly jumping up and down in the middle of Josh's dorm room as he bellowed out the birthday song at the top of his lungs and threw a bunch of confetti in the air, thereby littering Josh's impeccably clean dorm room. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST JOSHIEEEE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUU! YAYYYY!"

"HOLY CRAP! ENOUGH DREW!" Josh yelled as he felt his ear drums close to bursting from his friend's terrible voice. "I got it. It's my birthday. Please, if you care about me, just stop!"

"HOW OLD ARE YOU NOW?! HOW OLD ARE YOU NOW?!" Andrew continued singing even more loudly.

"OH MY GOD, DREW! IM GOING TO KILL YOU NOW!" Josh leapt off his bed and charged towards Andrew, ready to pummel him.

"OK! OK! I'M DONE!" Andrew held up his hands in surrender, and backed off from a clearly annoyed (and still sleepy) Josh. "Dude, chill. It's your birthday. Why would you want to start off with the murder of your adorable friend?" Andrew gave him a wide, toothy grin.

Josh just shook his head in disbelief at his friend's antics and took a look at his room which was now all covered in pink confetti. "Holy crap. Dude, you cleaning this up right?" Josh felt he was going to have a heart attack. He wasn't necessarily a neat freak but he had just spent a good part of his Saturday a few days ago cleaning up his room. And now, all of his hard work had been completely destroyed.

"Dude, nah, I can't, I got an exam in like two minutes. I shouldn't have even come here." Andrew responded as he checked the time on his phone and dropped something that looked like a cake box on Josh's desk. "This is from Jas." He said, pointing to the cake. "She said it's your favorite. Although, I didn't know you had a favorite cake? You like never eat cake. You eat veggies like all the time. When did you and Jas talk about this?"

"Dude, so you're seriously not cleaning this up?" Josh glared at Andrew in disbelief.

"Noo-ppe. Love you though man. Happy birthday! Jas and I will see you for lunch? We're treating you. Sounds good?"

Josh didn't respond. He kept staring at Andrew with a sour look on his face, and already thinking of ways to get revenge on his friend for trashing his room on his birthday of all days and just running off.

"O...kay. Silence means consent. Lunch it is! See you later, bud. Bye!" Andrew quickly ran off, sensing from the look on Josh's face that he had sufficiently angered the birthday boy.

Josh ran his hand through his hair and sighed loudly in frustration. "I'm going to kill him." He muttered to himself as he glanced around at his room once more. His attention finally settled on the cake on his desk. With a slight smile on his face, he walked towards it and opened the box, curious to see if Jasmine, Andrew's current girlfriend and Josh's friend as well, had really remembered his favorite cake flavor. He couldn't even remember having that conversation with her. He opened it up to see a scrumptious red velvet cake and his smile grew even wider. He would make sure to say a big thank you to Jasmine, after he killed her boyfriend.

He picked up the cake and was about to put it in his little dorm fridge when he heard his phone ringing. Quickly setting the cake down, he rushed to his bed and fumbled through his bed covers until he found his phone buried underneath. Glancing at the caller ID, he felt his smile grow a thousand times wider and his heart skip a beat as he quickly answered the phone. "Maya?" He whispered her name softly.

"BOING!" Maya responded enthusiastically. Josh grinned from ear to ear at the sound of her voice. He could almost picture the look of pure happiness on her face as she yelled out her favorite nickname for him, and he couldn't help but feel his heart expanding with euphoria.

"Boy, aren't you cheery this morning. To what do I owe this awfully excited and sugary cheery Maya?" He teased lightly.

"To your BIRTHDAY, you old man you!" Maya exclaimed and immediately commenced to sing the birthday song. Josh almost dropped the phone in shock as he listened to her angelic rendition of the song which his best friend had butchered just a few minutes before. He had heard of Maya being a good singer but he had never actually heard her sing by herself. The rare occasions in the past that he had witnessed her singing was during Matthews Christmas family gatherings. But even then, they were all singing traditional carols together as a group so he hadn't noticed anything particularly special about the beautiful blonde's voice...until now. My God, I could listen to this all day, he thought dreamily to himself as he felt himself completely entranced the more Maya sang.

"Happy birthday Josh! Wishing you lots of happiness today!" Maya exclaimed joyfully after she finished singing. Josh was literally tingling with euphoria as Maya's voice still echoed in his ears. He laid down on his bed, pressed the phone gently to his ear, and took a few seconds to consider his next words before he spoke.

"First of, my God, Maya, you have an amazing voice. I mean, I'm speechless right now. I'm pretty sure that was the best birthday song that I've ever heard in my 18 years of life. Please don't tell my parents or Cory that. Especially, Cory. He might be devastated." Maya burst out laughing at this comment, the sound of which filled him with a soothing warmth. That's another sound that I could listen to all day, he thought to himself. "Secondly, thanks for calling. You've definitely made my day after it was almost ruined by my soon to be ex-best-friend."

"Oh no! What did Andrew do?"

"Oh you know- woke me up with a birthday song that wanted me to kill him and then also kill myself and scattered my entire room with pink confetti- which by the way- he's not cleaning up. So yeah, I was pretty pissed before your call."

"Shoot! Why didn't I think of that?" Maya exclaimed amidst laughter.

"Uh no. You would have been on my naughty list if you had done that. You're on my good list now. Don't ruin it kiddo."

"Yes sir! Anywho what are your plans today birthday boy?"

"Hmmm," Josh thought as he took a quick look at the time- 9:30am. He had to go to class in an hour. Maya had called him at the perfect time. And then it hit him. Why was she calling at that time? Didn't she have school? It was a Wednesday morning.

"Hold on. As much as I'm enjoying this convo, don't you have school right now? How are you able to talk on the phone?"

There was a short pause where Josh could almost hear the wheels in her head turning trying to come up with a credible excuse for why she wasn't sitting in a classroom in that moment.

"Um, well I AM in school." She finally spoke. "Just not in a classroom..."

Josh burst out laughing, already anticipating where this was going.

"So you're cutting class- to call me." He responded, shaking his head slightly. It was classic Maya.

"Well, not exactly," Maya responded. "I might have asked your brother if I could go to the bathroom and I kinda haven't returned yet. It's been ten minutes now I think? I should probably get going before Riles organizes a search party to come looking for me." This comment made Josh burst again into laughter as he imagined his niece recruiting a search party which would probably comprise of Lucas, Zay, Farkle and Smackle- their friend group- roaming through the halls of Abigail Adams high school looking for Maya who was probably hiding in a bathroom stall. He laughed so hard he started to feel tears at the corner of his eyes.

"This is hilarious." He responded as he wiped the tears off. "Yeah you should probably get going because my adorable- but slightly overprotective niece- will definitely do that. She kinda takes after her father don't you think?"

"Oh my God, they're practically twins!" Maya quickly agreed as Josh smiled warmly. He absolutely adored his family and was even more grateful that Maya was practically a part of it. One of his favorite conversation topics with her whenever they ran into each other at family gatherings was poking fun at his family's crazy antics.

"Alright, Maya, I'm going to let you go before you get caught. Thanks again for calling."

"Wait, not so fast!" She yelled. "You still haven't told me your plans! It is Valentine's Day after all, and your birthday. I assume you are busy?"

Josh grinned- not exactly sure where she was going with this. Was she trying to ask him out? He decided to entertain her for now by giving her the details of his day as he currently had planned.

"Well no. I'm actually not too busy today. I have class, a lunch with Andrew and Jasmine- though that might probably turn into a funeral so stay tuned-" he heard Maya giggling at this, which made him feel warm inside- "and then more class, and that's about it. I got lots of homework to catch up on though. But in terms of birthday stuff- I'm coming over to Cor's on Saturday for dinner. I assume you will be there?"

"Um yeah duh. I practically live there." Josh laughed.

"Good point."

"So what I'm hearing is that Boing Matthews doesn't have a romantic dinner date planned on this beautiful day of luvvv?"

Josh chuckled- sensing exactly where the conversation was going. "Um no, I do not actually. Shocking, I know. Not sure what it is about NYU girls- I seem to be invisible to them apparently." That last part was a lie. Since starting his Freshman year of college, he had probably been asked out like 3 times which made him quickly realize that girls were a lot bolder in college than they were in high school where the norm was to wait for the guy to make the first move. One girl- Emily- he had actually gone on a date with. She was in his Spanish class, the first semester, a pretty blonde from Canada. They had shared a love of Spanish language and culture. One of Josh's dreams was to study abroad in Spain at some point in his college career. One date with Emily though was enough for him to realize that they would be better off as friends, so he quickly made sure things didn't progress any further.

And then came the weekend he would never forget, just over a month ago, when he accompanied Cory's class as a chaperone to their annual ski trip and ended up finally admitting (and accepting) his growing feelings for his niece's best friend. His affection for Maya had slowly developed over the years with every encounter he had shared with her. He wasn't sure when that affection evolved into something more but it probably started after she barged into NYU last Spring and started spilling her feelings out to Josh, Andrew, Jasmine and Charlotte during their small hangout party.

After that moment, Josh never forgot the intensity of Maya's gaze, the conviction with which she declared her feelings for him and the reasons she felt that way. His heart was racing as he listened in shock to every observation that Maya made about him. He couldn't believe that she had been paying that much attention to him- that she found him so worthy of her attention despite everything that was going on in her life.

When Maya was done speaking, it immediately occurred to him that he had never met a girl like her before- fearless, persistent, and extremely protective of those she cared about. In that moment, he was no longer able to dismiss Maya's feelings as an adolescent crush. They were genuine- he could feel them. Maya was a lot more mature than he had given her credit for and he couldn't help but be speechless as he gazed at her in silent awe. He had promised Maya at the end of that encounter that he would start seeing her differently. And he had kept that promise, especially in the quiet moments when her gaze, her mischievous smile and her words would invade his daydreams. I like you Josh. I'm in it for the long game. For a whole summer last year, she was all he could think about. And even though he was still bothered by her age, he could feel his walls getting weaker until they completely crumbled near the warm fireplace at the ski lodge when she gazed at him with utter adoration and declared yet again with utmost confidence- "I like you, Josh. It's you I like." He couldn't deny the effect she had on him anymore- his rapidly beating heart, the butterflies in his stomach, the elation on his face when he realized that she still liked him, and definitely not the cowboy.

Long story short, they were now playing the long game. Friends, until they could be something more at the appropriate time. And so far, he was satisfied with the way their relationship was progressing in their one month of playing the long game- frequent texts, occasional calls and of course the goofing off and flirtation whenever he would stop by the Matthews to do his laundry. There was a small part of him however that worried that Maya would be so focused on the long game and on someday that she would miss out on her high school experience. Zay raised this concern when he had first visited the Matthews after the ski lodge trip, and it had bothered him ever since.

As far as he knew, Maya was quite innocent when it came to relationships. She had never dated before and Josh was her first serious love interest. As much as Josh hated to think about it, he didn't want Maya shutting herself off from the possibility of other relationships or interests because of him. After all, who knew if he was the right person for her? Anything could happen in the future. He didn't want Maya putting her life on hold for a future that was far from certain. But he also couldn't imagine a future without her in it, and if she did seriously pursue other love interests, then perhaps someday might never be...

Needless to say, he felt conflicted about whether he had been selfish in promising her a someday and a long game which sounded nice in theory but in practice was probably extremely confusing and complicated for a 15 year old girl in high school. Was he ultimately hurting Maya, especially if they continued to grow closer and things didn't work out the way they both desired? It was a question that lurked in the back of his mind and haunted him in the moments when he felt their bond growing stronger- like now, on the phone, laughing and flirting with each other, neither one particularly ready to let the other go although they were both running out of time.

[greennightspider]

The Cabin in the Snow (Chapter 2)

M’Baku x OC (Akari)

Summary: M’Baku and Akari get stuck in a snowstorm in a cabin during an assignment. What’s a couple of Jabari warriors to do? This fic is based on M’Baku a short time before he became the leader of the Jabari Tribe. 

Authors Note: Hunniiiiies I am playing the long game with this one so lemme know if you wanna be tagged or untagged in future chapters I do not mind. But just in case the notification apocalypse is still going ill try and update chapter links to make things easier. :D Enjoy!

Chapter 1 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

@readsalot73 @skysynclair19

“Huh?”

 “You heard me Akari.” M’Baku moved slowly towards her with strong, deliberate steps. “Undress.”

 “Woah woah woah woah.” Akari may have been a little out of it due to the onset of hypothermia, but she hadn’t lost ALL sense. “M’Baku look, you’re great and all but I don’t think this is the right ti-

“Now Akari. I will not ask again.”

Akari gulped at his tone. She decided that despite everything that annoyed her about his everyday demeanour, she actually did like jokester M’Baku better than serious M’Baku. And she would give anything right now for him to crack into his signature smile and say he was kidding.

No such luck.

“M’Baku wait-

“Akari, you look like a chocolate popsicle. And I think you are most likely in the final stages of hypothermia. You need to undress so that we can warm you up, just like we were taught in class.”

Of course M’Baku would remember that class out of all the things they had learned.

Of course all of the boys paid attention when the teacher started talking about how the best way to treat someone with hypothermia is through body heat. Which of course worked best when both people were naked. 

Akari distinctly remembered M'Baku hollering the loudest that class. Surrounded by his boys, M'Baku was leaning back in his chair with elbows outstretched towards the desk behind him, almost in a throne-like position. They had all started laughing and howling the signature Jabari growl as the teacher tried to calm them down to no avail. Akari rolled her eyes and glared at him and his posse from her seat in the front corner of the room, while she noted most of the girls who belonged to his fan club giggling and trying not to look eager.

However, there was no sign of that M'Baku now. Right now he looked as straight-faced as ever, his onyx eyes filled with concern and worry. Which meant she probably looked in really bad shape.

Akari relented, slowly standing up and unwrapping the blanket around her. M'Baku outstretched his hand but realized his mistake when Akari drew back and stuttered out “I-Im fine M'Baku I can do it myself.”

For all of her usual strong demeanour, M'Baku couldn’t help this shy bashful Akari peaked his interest. And if things weren’t intriguing enough, M'Baku couldn’t hide his expression….when he saw Akari’s clothes hit the floor.

She was wearing a plain black sports bra and matching boyshorts, however they did nothing but accentuate her already full curves. Her nipples were already peaking through the tight fabric because of the cold, but also because Akari was sporting a full chest that she had usually kept hidden under loose clothing. Her hips flared out into her underwear that sat on her thick thighs, and M'Baku almost swore at the sight of her. He knew he was probably the only guy in their class. Her big brown eyes weren’t helping as they stared at him so innocently, however her chattering teeth and blue lips brought him back to reality.

Reign it in Baku, reign it in.

“Akari, I know you might not like what I’m going to say, but you’re going to have to take your bra off too.”

“What??!”

“Look Akari, body heat is the only way we are going to make sure you don’t end up frozen to death, and your bra is in the way.” he explained, gesturing to her chest. “Its gonna need to come off if I’m going to heat you up properly.”

“Oh don’t worry, you’re doing a fine job of that already.” She snarked.

Wait. What did she just say?

“Huh?” Akari responded, as M'Baku didn’t realise he’d said what he did out loud. But seeing that Akari couldn’t even keep track of the conversation, there was no time for discussion.

“Please Akari just get into the bed and then take your bra off under the covers. I promise I won’t look.” M'Baku pleaded. He couldn’t believe he was actually begging a woman to get into bed with him. One who was half delusional and was still giving him a hard time.

Squinting her eyes at M'Baku and holding her shoulders Akari sauntered towards the bed, almost diving under the covers like a molerat. He watched as she wiggled and squirmed under the covers most ungracefully until finally an arm popped out, holding a bra.

M'Baku took it and placed the soaked fabric beside their clothes that he draped over the benches near the fire. They both only had one set of clothes since this wasn’t supposed to be an overnight mission, therefore they needed to dry their clothes overnight so that they’d at least have something to wear tomorrow.

M'Baku then made his way back to the bed and grabbed the rest of the furs, making sure to spread most of them on her side before diving under the covers himself.

While Akari was doing her utmost best to try and curl herself up under the furs into a shy ball, M'Baku was having none of it. This girl was his partner, and he wasn’t gonna lie and say he didn’t feel guilty about their situation right now. He wasn’t about to let Akari freeze to death just because of a little modesty.

M'Baku slowly shuffled his way towards her so that his stomach grazed her lower back, making her flinch. Slowly but surely he moved his left hand beside her so he was half-towering her, and before Akari could comprehend what was happening he quickly dug into her side, wrapping his arm around her waist and spinning her around. In a shrieking frenzy Akari’s arms unlocked from her chest, but M'Baku took no time in pulling her flush against him so that he couldn’t see anything. And also so that he didn’t have to deal with shy Akari turning into raging Akari.

And Akari would have have struggled if not for the fact that as soon as she touched M'Baku’s skin she realised how cold she actually was. She soon calmed down and to M’Baku’s surprise started to snuggle more into him. When she was finally comfortable M'Bakus left hand was resting on the small of Akari’s lower back, while his right arm cradled her head into himself. Akari had settled on pressing her hands flush against M'Bakus upper body, feeling M’Baku’s heartbeat pulsing into her hand. M'Baku managed to entwine their legs together as he tried to concentrate on warming up the ice cold body in his arms. She was still shivering in his hold which made him instinctively pull her tighter against him, and to his surprise Akari responded by snuggling into him, burying his face into her chest.

For all of M'Bakus level-headedness in this situation, there were some things that M'Baku couldn’t’ve prepared for. He couldn’t’ve predicted how Akari’s hair would entice him, smelling sweetly of coconuts as her bun lay just below his chin. How Akari’s soft supple curves that lay underneath his fingertips were the complete opposite of his hardened arms and torso. Or how as she lay flat against him he could feel her hardened nipples perked from the cold rubbing against his chest, her full breasts squeezed against him between her arms. M'Baku thanked Hanuman that he was too tired and too cold, otherwise right now he would’ve definitely had a boner.

That was until Akari looked up at him with her doe-like eyes and brought him out of his thoughts for the second time that night. “M'Baku?”

“Yes?” M'Baku said as he maneuvered his neck and chin to look down at her, wondering what possible conversation Akari wanted to start now.

“Thank you.”

Okay. NOW M'Baku was sure he had lost Akari to the cold.

Not that he thought Akari was incapable of kindness or being nice. Hell she was one of the nicest people in class on a good day. However he was sure that if she was in her right state of mind, thanking him for getting them lost in the middle of the most important assignment of the winter would not be on her to do list.

“There is really nothing to thank me for.” M’Baku shrugged, a tinge of sadness and guilt staining his last words. “Just get some rest.”

Expecting her to retreat back into his chest, M’Baku almost felt himself freeze over when the girl in his arms drew herself up to his face and softly placed her lips onto his.

He was still in a state of shock when Akari sought to slowly deepen the kiss, softly massaging his bottom lip then top lip with her own. While he was still trying to process what was going on, M’Baku’s instincts took over, his lips returning her ministrations on their own. Her softness beckoned him, inviting him to get lost in her affections until she slowly retreated, almost drawing M’Baku with her as he leaned forward. She met her forehead with his until with a smile she said in a sleepy voice,

“No. Thank you M’Baku. For looking after me.”

M’Baku didn’t know what to say, as he looked into her eyes and saw that even if it was just the hypothermia, Akari had meant every word. He silently watched as she finally returned to her position underneath his collarbone, and made sure to draw up the blankets and furs around her arms where they had slid off from their encounter. 

M’Baku didn’t know why, but he hugged her even tighter to his chest as the exhaustion of the trip lulled them both into a deep sleep.

[bold]

Grocery Shopping - Ch. 1

Read it on AO3!

Chapter Summary: Evan Hansen can't sleep, and somehow this is cause for many, many problems.

Notes: hi im writing thos boys. first time ever posting a deh fic here we go!!! its sincerely three (eventually).  this chapter is Very kleinsen but i promise sincerely three is coming. (tw for arguments and aggression and panic attacks and stuff. prolly mentions of suicide/self harm in the future, but not in this chapter)

It always felt weird for Evan sit in the grocery store break room and wait for Jared. No one was in the store at 12 A.M. No one worked the night shift but Jared, and Evan knew that, so he'd sneak into the staff break room with the key Jared (very illegally) provided him with in case of emergencies. Emergencies, Evan had decided, could be considered anything causing Evan so much distress that he needed face-to-face consolation.

At 10 P.M., Evan was having trouble falling asleep. At 11 P.M., Evan decided he wasn't going to sleep that night. Within the next half hour, he was pulling a jacket over his pajamas and trudging out to his mom's pathetic excuse for a minivan. If he wasn't going to sleep, he could at least spend the next few hours with his best friend.

The break room felt so eerie with no one but Evan occupying it. Circular, grey tables stood accompanied by their matching chairs, vacant of anyone to fill the seats. Evan watched them carefully, convinced they’d move if he gave them too much leeway. When he was all alone in the break room, Evan felt like he was in a different dimension; one slightly altered, where there was the chance that chairs might move if not kept under surveillance. Maybe he was just sleep-deprived.

“Evan?”

Suddenly, the spell was broken and he was looking up at Jared with saucer-sized eyes. Jared was leaning against the door frame, looking at Evan skeptically. Jared took Evan’s silence as an invitation to keep talking as he strode into the room with a tactfully nonchalant hand in his back pocket. Always casual, disinterested Jared. Never too attached until Evan looked up at him with sleepy puppy-dog eyes. Jared gave him a small, wry smile, but the concern sat heavy between his eyebrows. “Everything okay?”

Evan nodded clumsily, chewing on his bottom lip for a moment before forcing himself to speak. “Couldn’t sleep.” Jared placed a hand on Evan’s shoulder and the tension staking his spine dissolved. He leaned into the comforting weight of Jared’s hand, which was now giving Evan’s shoulder gentle squeezes. “Sorry, I guess it wasn’t really an emergency--”

“Nah, you’re cool,” Jared reassured him with such little thought that Evan thought his heart might burst. It was so easy to be friends with Jared. It was so easy to let his shoulders slump and put his anxiety on pause for a few hours.

Evan’s smile was stiff only due to lack of practice. The motion was genuine, though, and he reluctantly drew away from Jared’s touch so he could stand up. “Cool.”

“C’mon, store’s pretty much deserted. My shift’s over in, like, half an hour anyway."

Evan knew that, but didn’t say anything. It might have been creepy that he knew Jared’s work schedule so well, but he’d rather be a little creepy to himself than a lot creepy to whatever poor soul caught him sitting in the break room for an hour before realizing Jared wasn’t working that night.

His hands twitched. Bad thoughts. Those weren’t allowed in the grocery store. It was a rule Evan set up for himself. No crazy hypotheticals, no panic attacks, no self-deprecation (except in the form of jokes that made Jared’s lips press together to suppress a snort). The stillness of the empty grocery store was the one place Evan allowed himself total peace of mind. No one really came around in the early hours of the morning, despite the store being open 24/7. Not that Evan was complaining. Having the store entirely at Evan and Jared's disposal was strangely exhilarating.

“Don’t you have a job to do?” Evan demanded, quirking an amused eyebrow at how Jared was guiding Evan through the store with seemingly no destination.

Jared cracked his first grin of the night. “Evan Hansen,” he gasped in mock offense. “Do I look like the kind of man who gives in to the clutches of capitalism?”

“No,” Evan admitted. “You look like a twink who works at an Easy Mart and is about to get his ass fired.”

Now Jared was laughing, elbowing Evan in the ribs as affectionately as he could. “Shut up, asshole.” As they rounded the turn from one row of shelves to the next, the pair was met with an abandoned shopping cart, idling at the beginning of an aisle.

“Are you gonna put that awa-- Jared!”

Jared was climbing into the cart. It wobbled dangerously as he struggled to sling his short legs over the side, but once he was in, Jared turned back to Evan with an expectant expression.

There was no way Evan was going to push Jared down the aisle. It was too dangerous! Jared could get hurt, they could knock a whole shelf over! “Absolutely not,” Evan said firmly. Jared’s bottom lip dipped into a pout and he fluttered his eyelashes. Evan crossed his arms like a self-defense mechanism, but he could feel himself already wavering. “N-No way! It’s a terrible idea--”

“Please?” Jared purred, and Evan was done for.

With a huff, Evan uncrossed his arms and placed his hands firmly on the shopping cart’s handle bar. “Fine,” he conceded shortly. “But when you fall out and break your arm, I am so not signing your cast.”

“That’s such a low bl-- OH MY GOD!” In the middle of his sentence, Evan shoved the cart as hard as he could and sent Jared barreling down the aisle. Jared’s instinctive screaming soon dissolved into laughter and for a moment, Evan thought it wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

That was until Jared crashed into a self checkout machine and the cart toppled over.

Evan’s mouth filled with apologies as he scrambled over to Jared, who was still grinning. “Oh my God, Jarebear, I’m so sorry, I didn’t expect it to-- I just thought-- Are you okay?”

Jared’s hand found Evan’s bicep, seemingly to steady himself until he gave it a squeeze. “Dude, you’re ripped.”

Unable to tell if it was a compliment or flirting, Evan opted to hide his face against Jared’s shoulder in response to that comment. Jared moved his hand from Evan’s bicep to the back of his neck, fiddling idly with the soft hair there. “I’m fine, I’m fine. Might’ve broke the checkout thing, though.”

Evan giggled into the fabric of Jared’s uniform and, rather than pulling away, nestled closer. He was starting to get sleepy and Jared rhythmically combing his fingers through his hair wasn’t helping. It was only after Jared’s hand stilled did Evan realize someone was in the store with them. Immediately, he sat up, face flushing at the intimate state he and Jared had been caught in.

In the most unfortunate turn of events, the people who caught Jared and Evan’s cuddle session were none other than the Murphy siblings.

“What the fuck are you two doing?” demanded the eldest of the pair, Connor. Evan couldn’t give a specific reason for  why  he hated Connor Murphy so much. He just really, really hated Connor Murphy. He was so stuck up, so rich, so  ungrateful  for everything his parents did for him. He thought he was better than everyone else and still had the nerve to be self-deprecating. It was infuriating.

Unfazed, Jared scooted away from Evan and stood up. “Hello, welcome to Easy Mart. How can I help you?” he deadpanned, clearly not interested in helping either Murphy sibling one bit. Evan followed suit, standing and hauling the shopping cart upright with him.

“I didn’t know you worked here,” Zoe commented lightly, her cheeks flushed a soft pink, as if she’d just caught Evan and Jared having sex.

Jared gestured to his own chest, which bore an Easy Mart vest and matching ‘Hi, my name is: JARED’ pin. “Whatever would give you that idea?”

Evan shifted uncomfortably at Jared's side. "Wh-Why are you guys here?"

Apparently displeased that Evan had opened his mouth, Connor sneered. "What? Are we not allowed to shop here now that you and the missus have decided this is your property?"

"Connor found a cat!" Zoe interjected abruptly. Connor shot her a death glare, but she didn't falter. "A little stray kitten walked up to him while he was outside and we came here to buy it food."

As adorable as it sounded, Evan couldn't allow himself to think about Connor Murphy petting a kitten. "Oh. That's--"

“But, of course, you two have to be here,” Connor interrupted, clearly flustered. “Easy Mart is apparently the only place that lets its employees make out with their boyfriends on the job.” The thought of Jared being his boyfriend sent heat to Evan’s cheeks and a shiver up his spine.

Noticing his discomfort, Zoe surprisingly came to Evan’s rescue. “Shut up, Connor, you work at 7/11.”

Connor scoffed, affronted that his sister would compare him to the likes of Jared Kleinman. “I’m just saving up money so I can get out of our fucking hell house as soon as I graduate.” Zoe made a similarly offended noise and the siblings’ words dissolved into overlapping arguments.

It was uncomfortable to watch. Evan pressed closer to Jared as a means of comfort, who placed a hand on Evan’s bicep again. However, it was a gentler gesture -- one to keep him tethered in place instead of drifting into a more panicked mindset. “Could you guys not air out your dysfunctional family laundry right in front of us, maybe?” Evan whispered to Jared, who rewarded him with a snort.

Evan wondered if the small noise of approval was worth it when Connor’s eyes were suddenly trained on him. The siblings’ argument was forgotten as Connor stalked up to Evan. Though he was only an inch or two taller, Connor seemed to loom menacingly over Evan. “What was that, Hansen?”

All pride abandoned, Evan immediately shrunk into himself. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t-- I was-- You were just--”

“Oh, I was ‘just’? Just what, huh? Was I bothering you? Well, maybe it bothers me when I walk into a grocery store to find you and Kleinman making out on the fucking floor!”

“We weren’t making out!” Evan suddenly exclaimed, the near-screaming height of his voice shutting even Connor up. Unfortunately, Evan didn’t know when to shut up until it was too late. “Friends can be affectionate with each other! Not that you’d know, since you’ve got no friends and you wouldn’t know mutual affection if it hit you over the fucking head!”

Evan clasped a hand over his own mouth, as if he could somehow put the words back inside. Connor was stunned only for a moment before he shoved Evan, sending the latter stumbling backwards. “You don’t know shit about me, Hansen! You think you’re so fucking smart with your little comments, don’t you?”

“Stop--”

“Don’t you?”

“N-No--!”

“Fuck you!”

“Connor, that’s enough,” Jared suddenly intruded, pushing Connor back enough so he could wedge himself between he and Evan. “Get out.”

Connor wavered, debating whether he should keep arguing. He seemed to decide that it wasn’t worth it. “Fuck you guys,” he muttered once more before storming out of the store.

Zoe looked utterly exhausted. “I’m so sorry about--”

“Hey, it’s alright,” Jared assured her quickly. “D’you need me to drive you home?”

Zoe Murphy was the exact opposite of her brother. She had the prettiest smile Evan had ever seen. Her hair was soft and her cheeks were rosy. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and shook her head. “No, no. I should go calm him down… Thanks, though. Really.” She meant it. Evan could tell. “I’ll, um--” she mustered a crooked smile. “I’ll see you guys around.” She turned to leave, but hesitated, sending the boys another glance. "He's trying," she added, almost vacantly. So tired. "He's trying to get better. I'm really sorry about him."

Then she was gone.

Once Zoe left, Evan broke down. So much for his “no panic attacks” rule. Jared’s arms were sturdy around him, and clutching the back of his Easy Mart vest kept Evan from drowning in his own hysteria. Jared shushed Evan whenever he tried to babble out some incoherent apology. A hand was back in Evan’s hair and it made Evan double over into another fit of sobs from the genuineness of the gesture. “I got you,” Jared promised. “I’m right here.”

Evan was so lucky.

Once he was run dry of tears and utterly exhausted, Evan mumbled that he’d like to go home now, please. “Where’s your car?” he asked once they’d shuffled out into the parking lot.

Jared shrugged. “I was gonna take an Uber. C’mon, I’ll drive you home.” So, so lucky. Evan furled his hand into the fabric of Jared’s jacket, which had taken the place of the Easy Mart vest. “Tired?” Jared asked in response to Evan yawning into his hand. His eyebrow was quirked and his smirk was crooked, but it was overwhelmingly comforting.

Evan nodded, jerky and deliberate, much like a toddler. He climbed into the passenger seat while Jared took the wheel. As soon as he was in the comfort of his mother’s minivan, Evan slumped against the door and rested his head against the window. It was so dark outside. Evan peered over at Jared, who was illuminated by the sickly yellow car light.

“What’re you staring at?” Jared’s voice was so sweet. Evan could hardly breathe.

“Nothing.”

Jared shook his head and reached over for Evan’s hand. Evan gave it to him. He couldn’t imagine a scenario where he wouldn’t give Jared his hand.

“You’re such a weirdo.” There was no venom in the statement. It didn’t sting. Jared squeezed Evan’s hand. It was suddenly a lot less dark outside. “Let’s get you home, Ev."

[ylla]

Friday Night Gurus - Chapter 1

Series: JJBA Ships: josuyasu (others will eventually happen too, but im tagging as i go) Tags: au where theyre famous, modern au, pining, josuke is a hot mess and has exactly 0 chill Rating: T (for this chapter only, bc eventually there will be sex/smoking the devil’s lettuce)

AO3 link

reeeeee so i’ve been in and out of the doctor’s office with a sinus infection so intense, i’ve been to the ER due to pain. fun shit. i came up with this AU while listening to music while waiting for someone to come smother me with a pillow to put me out of my misery.

this unbeta’d because i wrote this on my phone while waiting. i plan on keeping up with this idea because it delights me. next chapter will follow shortly too, because i’m trying to break this up into smaller chunks as i hammer it out on my phone (which fucking sucks, lemme tell ya). if you notice anything weird, tell me about it so i can fix it!!

The first time Josuke Higashikata meets Okuyasu Nijimura was because of a fuckup in a magazine photo shoot schedule. The shoot in question was for a feature in Rolling Stone; award season was coming soon and they wanted to feature the current Biggest Names in Music. Some poor intern (who was probably promptly fired) fucked up EVERYONE’S schedule, so all the bands and singers had to come in during the same hellish week in June. It was a nightmare for all involved.

Of course, the cover would feature the biggest name in the industry which, naturally, was Josuke. Discovered at sixteen, with two world tours, four albums (two of which went platinum), and at least 20 different awards, he was twenty-four and still going. His latest album dropped too late for Grammy consideration last year, but he was feeling real confident. This was his year. He’ll get that fucking Grammy, even if he killed him.

Josuke still considered himself to be a chill, down-to-earth kind of man despite his superstardom; able to roll with the punches whenever they came. He got that sometimes things just didn’t go your way, but he still couldn’t help it when his precious time off gets thwarted by some dumb idiot.

“What the fuck, Koichi?” Josuke whined on their way to the shoot, “Why couldn’t have this happened literally like, last week?”

Koichi Hirose was his manager, agent, PR guy, and truth be told, the only person beside his mother and grandfather who truly knew him. “Stop whining, it’s not the end of the world.”

“Dude, this was supposed to be my first week off in forever—“

For someone who was 5’3 and weighed 110lbs soaking wet, Koichi could be intimidating. He gave Josuke a look before parking and turning off the car, “Can’t be helped. They wanted to do the cover shoot last since there’s two of them.”

Josuke made a face. He forgot that this would be a dual cover. Him on one side, some band on the other. “Who’s the other band?”

Like he was still in school, Koichi started rattling off some facts, “Arrowhead, they’re a metal band. Comprised of four members. Skyrocketed up the charts this past year with their second album. You guys fought over #1 album and singles on Billboard on and off all year.” Koichi was the type of guy who always did his homework, “Now come on, you’re gonna be late.”

The shoot was operating in some random ass warehouse in some backassward part of Los Angles. Josuke and Koichi waltz into some giant room that was getting set up; a group of 4 people huddled in a corner eating what appeared to be a large quantity of Taco Bell with a sharp dressed man standing near them. Josuke’s kind of people.

“Oi! Tonio!” Koichi called out with a wave, before gesturing at Josuke to follow him over. Josuke barely restrained an eyeroll; his hair was up in a ponytail and he was wearing some worn-out sweats with an old t-shirt, not exactly looking good for first introductions.

“Koichi,” the finely dressed man shook Koichi’s outstretched hand, “good to see you.”

“Josuke, this is Tonio Trussardi, we work at the same agency.” Koichi gestured at Tonio, “And Tonio, this is Josuke Higashikata.”

Josuke held out his hand and got a firm handshake, “Nice to meet you.”

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance,” Tonio’s eyes sparkled. He let go of Josuke’s hand and gestured to the group of people sitting behind him, “These are my charges, Arrowhead.”

He started with introductions, pointing to a man leaned up against the wall, who had sleepy eyes and a face Josuke would find attractive if it wasn’t for the tattoo on his chin, “Yuuya Fungami, drummer.” Yuuya nodded in greeting. Tonio pointed to a pretty girl with long black hair who was intently staring at Koichi, “Yukako Yamagishi, lead guitarist.” She didn’t even acknowledge Josuke, but held out a hand for Koichi to shake (which he did, if a little hesitant due to her staring). He swept a hand towards a man with impressively tall hair and two braids, “Keicho Nijimura, bassist.” Keicho gave them a cold stare and said nothing. “And last, but not least,” Tonio clapped his hand on a scarred man who had been too busy slamming a taco the entire time and didn’t notice people had walked up, “Okuyasu Nijimura, lead singer and rhythm guitarist.”

Okuyasu jumped a little, before turning a little pink and waving, “Sup?” His voice sounded he had came out of the womb smoking like a freight train.

Josuke was taken aback when he got a good look at the guy. The symmetrical scars running parallel on Okuyasu’s face did nothing to detract from how goddamn hot he was. Square jaw, angular face, black and silver hair pulled up into a ponytail, three piercings in each ear, ripped arms that had tattoos snaking up them, good God almighty. The first thought that entered Josuke’s mind when looking Okuyasu in the face was Oh no, he’s hot. The first words out of his mouth were “Those tacos smell so fuckin’ good.” Real smooth.

Without another word, Okuyasu offered him one. Josuke ignored how the blonde guy glared at him, and took the proffered taco, “Thanks dude.”

“S’no prob.”

As Josuke started chowing down, about to start chatting up the cute guy, when Okuyasu unceremoniously got up and walked away. Trying not to look so bitter, Josuke turned towards Koichi, but Yukako was asking him incredibly personal questions about his life, while Tonio started ushering Yuuya to hair and makeup, “Photographer’s not here yet, but you need to be ready since you’re the first up.”

“Yeah yeah, stop pushing.”

Keicho’s cold stare was unwavering and was starting to give Josuke the heebie jeebies, “Oi, Koichi. I’m gonna have a smoke.” Josuke didn’t bother to listen for Koichi’s stammered reproach before heading outside (which might have been a strangled cry for help). Truth be told, he really didn’t need a cigarette, he just kind of wanted to go pout. But luck would have it, when he went outside, Okuyasu was sitting on the curb with earbuds in, watching some video. Nosy as shit, Josuke hovered over his shoulder to see what he watching, “Are you watching Real Housewives of Atlanta??”

Okuyasu nearly jumped out of his skin, phone fumbling in his hand, “Oh shit!” he whipped around, wearing glasses he didn’t have on earlier, unlit cigarette dangling from his lips, “Uh, I can explain.”

Oh no, he’s so fuckin’ cute Josuke hollered inwardly. He held his hands up in defense, “Sorry man, didn’t mean to scare ya.” Pulling out his own pack of cigarettes, he sat down beside him on the curb, “Don’t gotta explain anything to me, I love trashy reality shows.”

“You ain’t makin’ fun of me, are ya?” Okuyasu asked, scowling.

“What? Nah, reality shows are the shit. I love binge watching them.” Josuke fished around in his pocket, “You got a lighter?”

As if Okuyasu was trying to divine if Josuke was lying, he stared at him for a few seconds before handing over his lighter, “Jus’ asking. Keicho gives me shit for watching them, but they’re hilarious.”

Josuke lit his cigarette, “Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life.” Inhale. He gave Okuyasu a serious look, speaking on the exhale and handing his lighter back, “Fuck what he thinks.”

Okuyasu was quiet while he lit up and took a drag. For a moment, Josuke was worried that he had already overstepped his boundaries with someone he literally just met. God, no wonder he didn’t have any friends.

He was snapped out of mentally kicking his own ass when Okuyasu spoke, holding up his right earbud, “Wanna watch with me?”

“Hell yes I do, which episode are you on?”

“The one where Ridickulous shows up—“

“THAT’S MY FAVORITE ONE—“

“DUDE, MINE TOO.”

They ended up talking while watching, not really paying much attention to the show until Ridickulous showed up, which was met with raucous laughter. Josuke learned that Keicho was Okuyasu’s older brother, that the only thing better than chocolate or strawberry ice cream was strawberry ice cream with chocolate chunks, he smoked his cigarettes like he did his joints, he smelled insanely good, most of his tattoos didn’t have much more meaning than “They looked cool as shit when my dude drew them”, and that Okuyasu Nijimura was the most genuine person he had ever met. He was sweet, eager to please, loud, and friendly. Josuke was already dangerously enamored.

Josuke hadn’t even been aware of how much time passed until Koichi came out, “They’re looking for you guys. Keicho’s almost done, so you both need to go to hair and makeup.” Yukako hovered in behind Koichi, her eye’s sliding between Okuyasu and Josuke with a blank expression on her face.

“Shit, I hadn’t even realized,” Josuke stood up and held a hand out to help Okuyasu up, “Let’s go before we get murdered.”

With a grin, Okuyasu took his hand and hopped up, “Yeah, god forbid we disappear for a minute.”

It was hilarious watching Okuyasu, who had never had makeup put on him in all his life, grimace as his face was caked. “This shit smells weird.”

Josuke couldn’t help but cackle while he did his own hair, “Get used to it, dude. This is your life now.”

Makeup finished, Okuyasu got started on his own hair, “Josuke, the least surprisin’ thing you could ever tell me about yourself is the fact that you don’t let anyone else do your hair.” He was fighting with stubborn strands that didn’t want to stay still, “The pomp is cool, you pull it off.”

A quick glance in the mirror told Josuke that he managed to keep his blush to a minimum, “Thanks dude, you got some slick style there yourself.” The shy, pleased grin that crossed Okuyasu’s face was an image he wanted branded to the inside of his eyelids.

Okuyasu was up for pictures first, looking anxious and green. It was clear to Josuke that he had no idea what he was doing. “Dude, just relax!” he shouted, “You’re looking fine!” What he didn’t say was that he meant that two ways. With a slight nod, Okuyasu relaxed slightly, and his pictures started coming out better. Josuke was trying to go for the somewhat disinterested watching, but damn, he couldn’t help but stare. This dude was cute. Out of the corner of his eye, Josuke caught Keicho staring at him again. What was that guy’s deal??

He couldn’t ruminate on an answer, because as soon as he thought that, Yuuya suddenly sat down beside him, causing Josuke to yelp in a totally manly way, “Jesus! You scared the shit out of me!”

“Sorry dude,” Yuuya was eating a leftover taco, “Busy watchin’ the show?” He tilted his head toward the photographer fussing at Okuyasu, shit-eating grin on his face.

Josuke did not like that smug look Yuuya was sporting, “He looks nervous. Jus’ tryin’ to help him out.”

“That’s just how he is,” without looking over his shoulder, Yuuya tossed the taco wrapper behind him, hitting a trashcan, “He doesn’t know how to chill out.”

They sat in silence few a couple of minutes before the eyes Josuke felt on his back were getting on his last goddamned nerve, “Why is that guy staring at me like I murdered everyone he’s ever cared about?”

Yuuya eyed Keicho for a second before shrugging, “That’s just how he is too.”

Before Josuke could even ask what the fuck that even meant, Keicho punched Yuuya’s shoulder as he walked by, “Come on, asshole. It’s time for the cover.”

“Ow, that fuckin’ hurt, dickhead.” Taking his time, Yuuya stood up and stretched, rubbing his punched shoulder. “By the way, Okuyasu’s single,” Yuuya said casually, as if he was answering a question that had been posed.

Josuke sputtered, his face scarlet, “WHAT MAKES YOU THINK—“

Yuuya pointed at his nose, “I got a nose for romance,” and then he dead ass winked at Josuke before walking away. Josuke wondered if he was that obvious. Perhaps that explains why big bro Keicho stared daggers at him. Maybe he needed to work on being subtle, but Higashikata’s were never, ever subtle (thanks mom).

The cover shoot didn’t take too long, much to Josuke’s surpise. Not a whole lot of time passed before it was Josuke’s turn. Okuyasu was dragging his feet, watching intently, while Keicho was demanding they leave. Tonio, bless him, told them that he needed to speak to Koichi about business matters before they left (mercifully saving him from Yukako’s question of “What do you look for in a woman?”) Josuke didn’t know if Tonio was picking up on something, or just making assumptions, but he appreciated it.

When the pictures were mercifully done, Josuke ran to the bathroom real quick to reorient himself, muttering under his breath, “Okay, Higashikata. You got this. You’re cool, suave, and undeniably handsome.” Josuke applied a quick coat of lip gloss before heading back out there, “Get that cute guy’s number.”

After leaving the bathroom, Josuke was greeted to an almost empty room. Okuyasu was nowhere to be found. In fact no one associated with Arrowhead was there; Keicho had muscled them out of the door as soon as Josuke left the room, Koichi helpfully explained, patting Josuke’s shoulder as he felt his confidence leak out of him like a sad balloon.

Josuke pouted the whole way home, and Koichi couldn’t tempt him out of a foul mood. “Josuke, what’s the problem??” Koichi asked, finally fed up with his huffing and sighing, “Why are you like this?”

“Koichi, I’m gay,” Josuke said, head leaned against the window.

“I know this, you’ve told me before. What does that have to do with you sighing like a moody teenager?”

“I was gonna ask Okuyasu for his number, but they left before I could.” He felt like a fucking fool, why did he have to run to the bathroom like a scared baby? It was taking a lot of effort to not punch his own face in. “That Yuuya guy told me he was single and everything. Was I that obvious??”

As they sat at a stoplight, Koichi patted his shoulder, tactfully choosing to not answer the last question, “Don’t sweat it, Hollywood is small. You’ll run into him again.” Actually, Koichi could easily get Okuyasu’s number, but he knew better than to offer. It would only hurt Josuke’s pride.

Josuke shrugged and changed the subject, deciding to throw a pity party for himself later, “So about that Yukako chick…”

Koichi grimaced, “She followed me around the whole time. Asked me how I got such a high powered client when we’re the same age! And a bunch of personal stuff like my underwear size and what kind of man did I consider myself to be.”

“At least she’s cute?” Josuke offered, an apologetic smile on his face.

“She is that…also intense. Very…intense…”

“Did you get her number?”

Koichi sighed as he pulled into Josuke’s driveway, “She took my phone, put her number in it, and then texted herself.”

“Damn,” Josuke snorted with mirth, “Hey man, you might end up getting laid before my dry spell ends. I’m rooting for ya.”

Josuke didn’t need to look at Koichi to know that he was getting a look. He hopped out of the car and waved goodbye as his friend pulled out of the driveway. Upon walking through the front door, he greeted an empty house. “I’m home!” he called out to no one. Josuke really wished his mom hadn’t moved back east, but after his grandfather had that heart attack and refused to move to Los Angeles, someone had to stay with him. He could use advice, and was tempted to call her. No, he was grown ass man. No advice from mom, you die like a man.

…He’ll just call her later.

One shower and ordered pizza later, Josuke laid on his bed, booted up both his laptop and PS4. It was time for Netflix and Learning As Much About Your Crush As Possible. With Netflix on Worst Cook’s in America, pizza in one hand, and beer in the other, he typed in Arrowhead into Google and got to work.

Two hours later, he laid on his bed, hands folded across his chest, and stared at his ceiling, Netflix and pizza forgotten. Arrowhead’s second, self-titled album had been on repeat for the last hour. Metal was never his cup of tea, but Okuyasu’s husky, rough voice made the hair on the back of his neck stand up and chills run down his spine. If he didn’t have it bad for Okuyasu before, he certainly fucking did now. Josuke briefly wondered if this is how he sounded when he woke up in the morning, or when he was needy and wanted—

Josuke promptly rolled over and started screaming into his pillow. Why was he like this?

You’re a fucking mess he thought to himself, You have it bad for a dude who you barely even know, just because the way he sings goes directly to your dick.

“He’s also really hot and nice,” Josuke mumbled aloud. He paused before tearing out of bed, determined to shower, do anything that would get his mind off of Okuyasu. “I also need to stop talking to myself!” he said, ripping his clothes off, jumping into lukewarm water.

After a long, somewhat cold shower, Josuke steeled himself. He was gonna get that fucking number.