#im so glad to be done with the angst its HARD to write

[samisnotlegend]

Chapter 12 - Grief - is up! And still in time for christmas babyyyyy.

[angel-eyes05]

to leave the warmest bed i've ever known

pairing: spiderwoman!reader x miguel o’hara 

summary: after miguel’s fight with miles, you confront him in his office

warnings: this whole thing is basically one big argument there’s SO much angst, implied suicide attempt, HUGE ATSV SPOILERS DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS MOVIE, im projecting a little in some parts of this ngl (i cried writing a certain section of this, you'll know it when you read it lmao), mentions and descriptions of blood, gore, and death

word count:  4.1k

notes: i watched the movie yesterday…and miguel is on my mind. but i remember reading this namor x reader fanfic after i watched wakanda forever of a similar idea to this and i loved it so this is HEAVILY inspired by that fic, but just make it miguel. i would link it but ngl that was so long ago and i dont remember the author. if i end up finding it again ill put it here. also, just pretend miguel has been doing this whole spider society thing for a couple of years at least, it just needs to work like that for this ik its probably not canon but just roll with it lmao. and yes the title is a taylor swift lyric im so glad you noticed (im so sorry she's in my brain rn with the eras tour)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The anger boiled up inside your chest as you stormed your way across the lobby. Hundreds of different Spider-Man variants were scattered across the area, some more injured than the others. It sickened you sometimes. How he had so many people under his grasp and just decided to throw some of them at the walls sometimes, not caring how hard they hit the floor because they were all just ammo to him. How despite his denials of it, that’s probably what your role was to him as well. Nothing more than a bullet in his massive machine gun.

You normally tried not to think about it, how his determination towards his goal sometimes meant lack of care for others. But this time he had just gone too far. You always had a soft spot for Miles, watching closely on him whenever Miguel would let you go though scanners of all the different variants. You admired his struggle, but eventual success to taking up the previous Peter’s mantle, and always hated how Miguel talked about him. You knew there was no way Miles could’ve asked for any of this. For the pressures and struggles of being a Spider-Man, for everything causing such a strained relationship with his parents, for the death of his uncle, and for what will be the eventual death of his father. You definitely didn’t.

Ok lets do this one last time. Eh, whatever, there’s probably gonna be 50 other introductions after this one so it doesn’t really matter.

Being Earth-837’s Spider-Man has never been easy. Especially since you were bit when you were only 13 (another reason you sympathized with Miles and Gwen). Your life had followed the order of canon events to a perfect T, your older brother killed in a fight with a robber only two months after you were bit. You tried to overcome the burden of your powers by trying to live as normal of a teenage life as possible, but it was mostly in vain, having to give up multiple friendships and relationships in fear of those you love getting hurt. This was only elevated when your boyfriend Peter was murdered in the crossfire of an encounter with Doc Ock. You didn’t understand. You couldn’t. What you had done to deserve all of this. All you did was just be in the wrong place at the wrong time. You wonder sometimes what would happen if someone was in the same place you were when you got bit. If someone else went to the closed down area of that museum and ran into that spider. That stupid spider that ruined your life. Those thoughts slowly started to disappear for a bit. For a few years things were easy. Things seemed like they were finally going in your favor.

You were 25 when it happened. The last canon event. Ever since you were a little girl you hated your mother’s job. Losing nights of sleep over if she would come home or not. She always did though. She was good at her job. Too good though. Good enough to get promoted to police captain, which for who you were, was basically sealing her fate. She saved so many people that day. You were too busy fighting Venom to notice how much collateral damage you were causing in the process. Your mother’s job was to evacuate all the citizens away from the fight. She died shielding a child from incoming debris. A noble way to go. But god was it gruesome. You found her after the fight was over, two metal poles impaling her. One through her stomach and one straight through her face, pools of blood growing bigger below her as she was left there, all the paramedics busy trying to save the heavily injured. You froze when you finally recognized her, unable to at first due to how mutilated her face was from the pole. Suddenly, you were transported back to being a six year old, falling asleep outside the door to your mother’s bedroom so you would know exactly when she would come home. Purposefully falling asleep in her arms so that she couldn’t go anywhere.

When you used the key she had given you to get into her apartment that night, and you slept in her room, desperate to intake anything left of her before she was fully gone. You doused yourself in her perfume so it still felt like she was standing right behind you. You had always loved her smell. The smell of vanilla, curl product, and fancy perfume. They were attached to memories you had of her. Trying on her heels when you were a kid to try and be fancy like her. Smelling her hair in the morning before school to comfort you before she left for work. Despite all of this bringing you comfort, all it really did was cause further denial in your heart. That one day you were gonna hear the keys clacking in the keyhole to your apartment one more time. That’s all you really wanted. You would give everything up in a heartbeat just to hear her police scanner go off one last time. But it wasn’t going to. And it was your fault. Deep down you knew it was. You should’ve done a better job controlling the debris. You had always been a messy fighter, but you didn’t know it was going to mean anything until it was too late. 

How you got up to the top of that building is still a blur to you to this day. But next thing you know, you were looking at the New York City skyline from the very top of the Empire State Building. And at the very edge too. You heard some sounds behind you, but you just decided it was the wind howling from how high up you were. You were just so tired. Everything and everyone you loved was cursed all because of you. And with your mother as the most recent victim, you decided you finally had enough. You took a deep breath, eyes overflowed with water, as you set your foot forward.

Your plummet was interrupted by a sudden contact you felt to your forearm. Shock filled your body as you turned around to look at what had stopped your attempt. The blue hand was massive, nearly wrapping back around onto itself as it held onto you for dear life. You finally looked up at face that the hand belonged to. The mask that covered the massive figure was a strange one. Blue with strange red silhouettes for the eyes. It kind of reminded you of…your own costume? That couldn’t be though there was no way. This must be the afterlife or something. You already jumped and that's why you didn’t remember your way up to the top. This was some kind of creature trying to stop you from jumping down to hell below. His breaths were heavy and loud, almost like he was desperate to stop you. This convinced you that this was real, which caused you to try to escape from his grip. He was stronger than you, and was putting up a huge fight. You were slick though. Once you were out of his hand, you closed your eyes and quickly made your jump. Everything flashed before your eyes. Your brother, Peter, your mom. You were hoping to see them soon. This was very quickly interrupted again when you suddenly stopped falling. Something had attached itself to your stomach. You opened your eyes. A web? This web was much different than yours though. It was glowing a bright, neon orange.

The man was holding onto the end of it tightly with both hands. His mask then disappeared to show his face. His was long, matching how big the rest of his body was, defined cheek bones sticking out. Brown wavy hair slicked back with a few loose strands flying out in the wind. The look of desperation on his face stook out most of all. Why did he care so much? He didn’t know you, and you definitely didn’t know him. “Let me pull you up. Please,” he said to you between shaky pants. You stared at him for a bit before nodding. He slowly pulled you up with the string of his web, each move more careful than the last. As soon as your feet were planted safely back on the roof of the building, he wrapped you up in his massive arms. You appreciated the gesture, but you didn’t return it, still very confused about why he was so concerned. He was so big around your body though, you couldn’t help but feel a little comforted, feeling his still shaky breaths against the hairs of your neck. Soon after, he clicked on some buttons on his neon orange watch and led you into a portal.

The rest is history. You’re grateful he found you that day. It allowed you to meet so many people, Peter B., Jess, Gwen, Hobie, Ben, Pavitr, Margo. They all related to you and you felt like you could share things with them that you couldn’t do with anyone else. You had grown especially close to Peter and Jess, both of them having been in the game for a long time, just like you. They both knew how you felt, having lost so much and growing so tired after so many years. Peter even named you as Mayday’s godmother when she was born, a gesture that caused you to nearly kill him with your hug. Miguel though was different. He wasn’t nearly as social as the rest of your friends, but you found yourself having much more intimate moments with him (in more ways then one). You eventually found out why Miguel was so concerned for you the day you met. He had taken interest in your abilities early into looking for variants for his little “project”, but refrained from roping you into something so dangerous while you were still in your teens.

Once you were old enough though, he started paying more and more attention, hoping to catch you in a fight and recruit you then. But he was always pulled away with more important duties to attend to. That was until he witnessed your canon event. He had seen it happen so many times before through his scanners. It was going to happen. It had to in order for your universe to not collapse in on itself. But for some reason, yours hurt more than the rest to him. Especially how you coped with it. Seeing you wrap yourself up in her blankets and clothes broke his heart. He knew where this would lead to. That’s why he was there that day. To save you. He had to, or he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. You got your own watch immediately, along with your own room in the Spider Society headquarters. He stayed close with you for the first month of you being a member of the team. When he wasn’t out on missions, he was with you. You didn’t really know what to label you two as, but whatever was going on, you liked it. And he did too.

That is until Miles came into the picture. Once Miles was bit, all hell broke loose for Miguel. He was always in some alternate dimension catching some Spider-Man villain who got out and rangled them back over here, falling back over to you more beat up and bruised than the last time. You couldn’t imagine how much stress he was under, the fate of the entire multiverse up to him. You had some ways of helping him relieve his stress, but you wish you could convince him that he wasn’t alone in this. But nothing ever got through to him. He had become distant, aloof even. You tried bringing it up to Jess every so often, but she would just brush it off.

“That’s how he’s always been.” Not to you he hasn’t. This week has been hell though. With Spot making it over to Miles, Miguel had been going into rages all week. You had put up with it for now, but that was all about to stop. Watching how harsh he was being on Miles, throwing so many Spider-Men at an innocent boy, risking all of their lives in the process. Disregarding everything Gwen and Peter were feeling and then throwing Gwen back into her broken world with nothing. He had gone too far. No one else was going to stand up to him about it, so you knew it had to be you. Maybe he would listen, maybe he wouldn’t. It didn’t really matter. He just needed to hear it.

“It’s not worth it you know.” The voice snapped you out of your thoughts, stopping you in your tracks. “You know how stubborn he gets over these things,” said Jess, trying to convince you to save your breath. “I don’t care. I have to at least try,” you responded, monotonically. “I just don’t understand how you can follow him so blindly and not see what he’s doing is wrong.” “Because he isn’t wrong. I don’t know about you, but I’m not just gonna stand by and let some kid’s stupid decisions destroy another Earth,” Jess argued. “He’s just trying to save his dad, I can’t understand how that makes him such a bad person,” you said, finally turning around to face her, shocked when she was closer to you than expected.

“You know exactly why. Don’t be so naive, y/n,” she shot back. “You can’t stop me,” you said staring straight into her. She shrugged. “Then I can’t help you.” She began to walk away. You did to, until you heard her say. “You don’t know how much he cares for you.” You turned around to face her again, but her back was still to you, her head tilted ever so slightly to look at you. “If you really do care for the kid, watch what you say to Miguel right now. Cause you might just give him the final push he needs to do what needs to be done.” You didn’t give her a response, and just simply kept walking. You felt Jess’ eyes on your back as you entered the elevator to get up to Miguel’s office.

The elevator ride up felt longer than it should’ve, as you tried to gather all of your thoughts and emotions together so even if he didn’t listen, your words would still stick with him in some way. You didn’t necessarily want to hurt him (though your fists were telling you otherwise), but you did want him to be aware of what he’s done. Once the doors finally opened, all of that work flew out the window as rage took over your body again, seeing Miguel up there looking at the scanners. The fact that he looked just as normal as he always does made you furious. It’s like nothing happened.

“You know, I could hear you coming in from the lobby,” he said, almost stopping you in your tracks. You hated when he did that. Claiming that he knew what your every move was going to be. Like you were under his control or something. “Yeah, well then you must’ve heard me talking to Jess, which means you know exactly what this is about,” you shot back, stopping to where you could see him perched up there. “Why don’t you just save me the conversation about morality and just come up here and kick my ass already. It’ll save both of us time,” he said, not even taking his eyes off the scanners to look down at you. This only added to your fury. “That’s not what I’m here for Miguel, so don’t you dare try to twist my words here. What you did to that kid was fucked up and you know it.” “Oh yeah, then why didn’t you try to do anything to stop me?” he questioned.

“Because I’m not stupid Miguel. I’m not gonna try to take down hundreds of Spider-Men at once.” “Oh, cause you’re so much better than that?” This wasn’t like him at all. That gentle, kind, and caring Miguel you once knew was gone, taken over by some sort of personal vendetta he had against Miles. “Listen, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but this all needs to stop before it gets taken too far. You’re getting into a fight you can’t win. That kid’s strong and so are his allies. And if you go any further into this, I won’t be here to help you.” He stayed still and only turned his head to look at you. “And what makes you think that you’re so important to my plan that it’ll fall apart if you leave? Have you really become that pretentious?”

Your body froze. Have I really? No no no, that’s exactly what he wants. If you begin to doubt yourself now, you’ll stay and nothing will change. You knew you were right. He was trying to crumble you down, but you wouldn’t let that happen. “And you really think that one kid is going to ruin something that you’ve been working for for years? How insecure you’ve become.” “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said, turning back away from you. You did the same, wiping off your face in anger. “I hate it when you do tha-,” you said as you turned back around, but were cut off to find Miguel standing there right in front of you. He was close. Too close to your liking, although in any other circumstance you would’ve found this attractive.

He tilted his head up, but his eyes were down staring daggers into yours. You hated how much he tried to make himself seem more superior to you. “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he repeated, this time slower as if you were a child. “He’s just a kid Miguel,” you said in a low, quiet voice. “An anomaly. And a dangerous one at that.” “God Miguel, all he wants to do is protect his dad, do you know how insane you sound right now?” you said letting out a slight laugh when you finished. You backed away from him a little. “He doesn’t know how much damage he’ll do with this. Saving his father will only prolong the inevitable. His world will be gone within hours if he does this. All I’m trying to do is make him understand,” he tried to explain. “By trying to kill him.” “You always have to exaggerate the situation,” he said palming his face. “But that’s essentially what you’re trying to do isn’t it? Why not snuff out the problem entirely by taking him out!”

He signed and began to walk away while you were talking, bringing up your anger even more. “Yeah, use all the power you’ve accumulated over the years and just take out the small problem! Except this isn’t just a fly on the wall Miguel. This is a child! An innocent boy who didn’t ask for any of this to happen to him, just like how we didn’t. I get it, I’m sorry that this job is stressful, I really am. But that gives you zero right to act the way you are!” You were screaming at him at this point. You didn’t want to. You didn’t want your emotions to get the best of you. But he was being too stubborn. This was the only way you thought you could get to him. You might not have wanted to, but you needed to hurt him now. It was the only way.

“You can’t be so power blind that you refused to accept the fact that there could be a way around Captain Davis’ death. You said we saved Earth’s before, I’m sure we could do it again.” Your anger only kept rising when he kept walking away and didn’t respond. “This is a personal thing isn’t it?” you asked calmly. You knew it was working now when he stopped walking. “Yeah, it it. You won’t let Miles get his happy ending. Because why should he be pardoned of his burden while the rest of us have suffered so much. While you’ve suffered so much.” The answer to your question was confirmed when Miguel stayed silent. “Just because you didn’t get the life you wanted Miguel, doesn’t mean you have the right to stop other people from getting theirs.”

You knew you overstepped the line when Miguel turned around and started walking towards you, fury burning in his crimson eyes. “Yeah, so what! What if that is what this is all about! You should know better than anyone how much this job takes away from you!” he screamed at you, backing you up into a wall. “Why should he get to be let off so easily, while people like you and me have to suffer so much? Don’t try to turn me into the villain here when I know you’re thinking the exact same thing, y/n.” He wasn’t entirely wrong. You had wondered it at some points. “I won’t let you turn this onto me Miguel, this is about you,” you fired back. “Oh no, you’re not getting off that easily. I know you’re thinking it. And you’re right. Why should Miles get let off so easily when you’ve lost so much.” He held your hands in his, trying to connect to you. “And you have mi vida. You’ve had so much taken from you and it’s unfair. Why should he only have lost one person when you’ve had three taken from you. Your brother, Peter, your moth-.”

He was cut off by your hand striking against his face in a harsh blow. “If you’re smart, and I know you are, you’ll keep those three out of them. I won’t let you drag their names through the dirt for something as stupid as this.” You both stood there for a while, both of your eyes looking towards the ground, hoping it would open up to swallow you both as an escape from this god awful conversation. You never wanted it to come to this. In all honesty, you cared for Miguel. You might’ve even loved him, if you were even capable of doing such a thing. You hoped he felt the same way about you, but in a job like this, he always had at least one wall up around you. It just wasn’t worth it anymore. You were too tired to keep trying for something that was most likely going to fall apart in the end. 

“You’re still going after him aren’t you?” you asked, finally breaking the silence. Miguel looked back up at you. “You can’t ask me not to. You know better than anyone why this is so important to me.” He moved his hand up to cup your cheek and kissed your forehead gently. You let it sit there for a minute out of habit before pushing it off your face. “And you must know why I can’t stay anymore then.” His shoulders dropped. “Whatever this thing between us is. It’s over. I can’t stay beside someone who can’t see what he’s doing is wrong.” Miguel’s dropped hand turned into a fist of anger. “Fine,” he spat in your face. “I don’t need someone like you in my way. You’re just a liability to this anyways.” He began to walk away from you back to his scanners. “Just don’t come crying back over to me when your little plan doesn’t work out, cause I won’t help you.” He used his webs to pull himself back up to the platform to keep looking for Miles. You stood there for a second, gathering yourself.

Five years. Out the door just like that. It bewildered you how easily a bond like you two had could be broken all because of one teenager. You began to make your way for the door before you said. “When this is all over…don’t try to find me.” He didn’t respond. Once the elevator doors opened, you rushed inside, desperate to get away from him. So many thoughts rushed through your head as the doors closed and you sunk down back to the lobby to leave. You didn’t have much of a plan. This could end up being a horrible idea. Your gut told you it was the right thing to do though. And that was enough for you. You walked out of the headquarters lobby with a new heart and a new mind, ready to take action for your new plan.

First though, you had to find Gwen.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n: god that took longer than it should've. dw dw i'll do a part 2 if enough people ask for one. im not 100% sure how im gonna do a part 2 cause yk....idk how beyond the spiderverse is gonna go so tbh, we're just gonna make it go the way i want lmao. thanks for reading, ik this was kind of a long one lmao

NEXT CHAPTER

[miguelhugger2099]

Oh I love your writing so much! Ur really feeding us so much Miguel fic thank you for ur service 🫶❤️❤️❤️.

I'm just thinking about reader take Miguel to meet their mom and seeing Miguel n her bond with each other and maybe talk shit about his mom( I need Miguel to have a better mom like he deserve😭🙏🙏)

First Meeting

bro its so hard to find a gif of this man NOT frowning or beating miles up 😭 BUT thank u sm <3 hehe i try to feed yall and im glad im doing an okay job i love serving my community🫡 I really loved this request a little breather from smut lol but i hope i did okay! as always, i can write something different if you're not happy with it :'3

Miguel x Reader, Fluffy, A bit of angst, Word Count: 1,950

Miguel clutched your hand in his left hand, while his right gripped a small wrapped gift tightly. His eyes were glued to the front door and feet planted on the wooden floorboard of your mothers porch. He had stopped you just before ringing the doorbell by tugging on your hand. “Wait,” He breathed out. “Are…are we sure it’s today? Are you sure this gift is enough for her? Maybe I should’ve brought food instead…” He murmurs with a worried knit of his eyebrows making his stress lines appear deeper. You sigh through your nose with a soft smile. “You have nothing to worry about. Yes, it’s today and yes the gift is enough. My mom makes too much food anyway so it’s probably best if we didn’t have more.” You chuckle softly and cup his cheek. The warmth of your hand makes his eyes slip off the door and down towards your face. His eyes had softened but they still held worry in them. You knew about his own past, how he didn’t really have a positive parental role model–much less a mother. So, you believed all this worry came from the trauma of what she had done to him and now, he’s trying to seek the approval of another mom. He wants to be good enough and you’re one hundred percent sure he is. “She’ll love you.” You whisper gently, as if the idea itself would spook him. He sucks in a sharp breath and looks off to the side. “But what if she doesn’t?” He asks, looking down at the pretty red bow around the small box in his hand.

“She will,” You assure him. “You are so easy to love, Miggy. I know you’re afraid and that this is a big step for us, but just trust me.” Your thumb caresses his cheekbone. “I do trust you.” He mumbles and looks back down at you. “Good. Then you have nothing to worry about.” You lean up to kiss him and he meets you halfway, pecking your lips in a sweet and quick kiss. You pull away and smile up at him, his cheeks tinged a light hue of red at his vulnerability with you; he was still getting used to it. “Ready?” You ask him. He squeezes your hand tightly in his. “Yeah.” You squeeze his hand in return and then press the little button of your mothers doorbell. You hear the ringing from inside and you two wait patiently until your mom arrives. Miguel’s leg shakes nervously, his finger tapping the box. The door opens and Miguel stiffens into a straight posture. Your mother greets you two with a warm smile and a small cry of joy. “Oh my baby!” She yanks the open wide open and ushers you both inside. “Come in! Come in! It must be freezing!” You giggle and tug Miguel with you with him bending slightly so as to not bump his head coming in.

She turns to Miguel with a big smile after closing the door behind you. “And you must be Miguel! They’ve told me so much about you!” Miguel smiled wearily, unsure and a little terrified with how…welcoming she had been already. He pushes it aside and lets go of your hand to hold the box in his left hand to give your mother his right for a handshake. “Yes, Miguel O’Hara. It’s a pleasure to meet you, señora.” Your mother takes his hand and shakes it, her other hand on her cheek as she coos up at Miguel. “Oh, what a gentleman! Come, let me take your coat.” She holds out her hands as both you and Miguel slip your coats off your backs. Miguel shakes his head and politely declines. “Thank you but it’s alright. I can do it myself.” Your mother sputters and scoffs, waving away his concerns with her hand. “Nonsense! I insist. You’re in my home so you are a guest! Don’t be too gentlemanly.” She jokes at the end, taking his and your coat despite your protests. Miguel takes it harder than you, worrying that she might think he’s lazy and forcing her to be so kind but you loop your arm around his. “She’s like this. She likes doing this and I’ve tried to stop her.” You shrug with a knowing smile. “Don’t worry.” You remind him and kiss his cheek. “Well don’t just stand there! Dinner is just about done.” You hear her call from the kitchen. Miguel fiddles with the box, tossing it from hand to hand. “I’m gonna head to the bathroom really quick.” You tell Miguel, feeling him freeze subtly. You slip your arm from him and he stands awkwardly in the living room.

Miguel swallows the lump in his throat and sets the gift down by the table. He then walks over to the kitchen where your mom is and sees her collecting plates for all three of you. He walks beside her and taps her shoulder to not scare her, underestimating his giant footsteps. “I can help.” He shrinks his size as much as he can to not look as gigantic next to your mother. She brightens up at him. “Oh, you don’t have to but thank you.” She pats his muscular bicep.

“I know I don't, but I'd like to. You've done so much work tonight making a delicious dinner.” He says softly, taking two plates for you and him.

“Of course. I wanted to make a good impression on the man who captured my baby's heart. Especially when they're a real piece of work.” She tuts playfully, shaking her head and laughing to herself.

Miguel chuckles along with her, taking a spoon and scooping out some white rice for his plate. “They're not that bad.” He defends you with a small grin.

Your mother hoots out a laugh. “You weren't there in their teenage years!” She jams her own spoon into the rice cooker to scoop her own desired amount. “I love my children to death but oh, I could've used a break when they were fourteen. So many phases I couldn't keep up. I'm sure your own mother thought the same.”

Miguel smiles to himself, wondering and wishing he could've seen you during those years. He wonders if you two would have clicked. He thinks back to his own days as a teen. They weren't as nice as yours.

He remembers holding his baby brother rightly to his chest as his parents were fighting, making sure his ears were covered. He remembers the fights he had gotten into with his own mother and how he was always compared to his little brother. Everyday in that house was a screaming match–either with Miguel or between his parents.

He sighs heavily, the weight of the past pressing against his ribs. Your mother notices it instantly, growing worried she might have set something off.

You exit the bathroom after washing your hands and approach the kitchen after hearing their conversation. You stop and wait by the wall behind them when you hear Miguel talking again.

“Yeah, uh, my mother and I weren't really close so I wouldn't know.” He chuckles dryly, picking up some tongs and grabbing a bowl of pasta for you. He hopes he hasn't made it awkward.

Your mother stops making her plate and instead looks up at him with an expression he can't decipher. “Did you know her?” She asks.

Miguel nods, shrugging his shoulders up. “Yes, yeah, I did. She was–I just wasn't her favorite, is all.” He puts it lightly.

She juts her bottom lip out in a deep frown and huffs, already getting an idea of how his own mother treated him. “‘Favorites.’” She scoffs. “What bullshit. If you're a good parent, then there are no favorites.”

Miguel blinks at her sudden cursing before letting out a soft laugh. “I could've been better.” He says, feeling defensive strangely enough by blaming his mothers abuse on himself. “I mean she didn't go as far as hitting me yet but–”

Your mother loudly cuts through a large piece of steak, the pan slightly squeaking from the force of her knife moving to rip apart the meat. She mutters under her breath, anger simmering under her skin.

“I know I said teenage years were rough but none of that is ever your fault. Physical or not.” She picks up the slab of steak with a fork and places it on Miguel's plate. She knew he was a big eater via you.

“You were just a boy and anything that woman did to you doesn't deserve a moment of your thoughts.” She says firmly. “And if that woman is out of your life–is she out of your life?” She points a knife at him.

Miguel nods. “For the most part, yes ma'am.” 

The older woman tsks and returns back to Miguel's plate, picking up a tomato and slices thin pieces for him. “Well, if she ever comes back and pisses you off, you come straight here. You don't need all that negativity sucking out your happiness.”

Miguel smiles as your mother works, feeling warm that he has a home to lean back on. “Si, señora.”

“You come here with them too because they don't visit me often.” She nudges Miguel with her elbow, talking shit about you playfully.

You lift off the wall with a smirk, deciding now was the time to intervene. “I see you two have reached the stage of talking behind my back.” You pipe up, reaching between them to grab a slice of cucumber. Your mother smacks your hand, chitting you for touching the bowl. You laugh and feel Miguel take the hand your mother hit and he kisses the same spot with a teasing smile. You feel your heart flutter and look away shyly.

Your mother pretends not to notice and tries to reach for your plate but you take it before she can. “Alright, c'mon. Time to eat. I know this monumental man is hungry.” Your mother ushers all three of you back to the dining table.

She stops when she sees the small gift-wrapped box on the table. She picks it up curiously. “Is this yours?” She asked Miguel.

He nods and sits next to you after setting his plate down. “Well, it's really for you. I brought something for you.”

The woman sits right across from you two and lets out a small “aww”. 

“You shouldn't have.” She places it to the side. “Oh and we're about to eat.” She laughs, unsure of whether to open the gift or ignore it for food.

“Please, open it. Or don't. Whatever you like.” Miguel chuckles.

She opens the small gift anyway and inside is a simple yet elegant set of earrings and a necklace. Your mother gasps softly, placing a hand over her chest. “Oh, Miguel…” She murmurs, feeling touched that this young man had done everything for her approval when she loved him the moment you talked so fondly of him.  She looks up at him and his hopeful expression. Despite his stress lines and big muscular frame, her mother instincts saw a little boy with big brown eyes. She cups his cheek and pats it gently. “It’s beautiful.” Miguel smiles in relief, letting out a sigh he didn’t realize he was holding. In that moment, he wouldn’t mind this being his new family with you. He glances at you after your mom begins to pull the necklace out and you beam up at him. “I told you.” You whisper with a scrunch of your nose, teasing him. He chuckles and squeezes your hand. “I guess so.” He murmurs with an adoring look, kissing your temple.

A/N: i love making miguel cute and nervous i feel like we don't get to see that side often <3

[beautiful-is-boring]

Through the phone

Gojo satoru x Fem!Reader (she/her) | Fluff, very minimal angst if you squint, JJK MANGA SPOILERS

Summary: Gojo, your crush, rambles on and on about you, unaware that you're listening.

writing this was an impulsive decision so if this ends up being bad or cringe or if i make gojo ooc on accident im so sorry lol

"SHOKO IERI" Gojo's loud and booming voice startled his friend who was speaking to someone on the phone, causing her to yelp.

"hold on dear gimme a moment" she said to the person on the other side "satoru what the fuck?"

"I have so much to tell you about y/n!" he said to her with gleaming eyes that were covered by his blindfold, but shoko could easily tell he had heart eyes, since the topic was about you, his crush.

"not now! can't you see im talking to someone?"

"no. I will stay here and say whatever I want, and you will listen, and if that person wants they can listen too because y/n is just one of a kind okay? They also need to know about how cool she is!"

Shoko smirked to herself. Gojo would ramble on about you, and sometimes, he would sit quiet thinking of you; but he never made a move. You didn't either. Both of you were shy, stupid, dumbfucks who were afraid of rejection and attachment, even though you both wanted each other (her words, not mine)

She could have cut the call, but she didn't. She had a trick up her sleeve. It was you on the other end after all; and her long time friend didn't know that.

"go on ;)"

"so..." satoru began "i cannot stress this enough, and i know i said this loads of times before, but her smile is EVERYTHING. And her laugh? HEAVENLY. She could smile and giggle and boom! depression doesn't exist anymore! And everytime she smiles at me or I make her laugh I can feel myself BLUSHING and going RED but obviously she can't know that so I laugh it off saying its the heat, and I am so glad it is summer right now because that girl is really smart. Her brain is so hot. But she's dumb and oblivious a lot of times and its hilariously cute."

'Her smile is everything.' 'I can feel myself blushing.' 'Her brain is hot.' What the fuck? You could hear everything he was saying to shoko through your phone. Blushing profusely, your eyes widened automatically. This was Gojo, your crush, and an egoistical bastard. He would never admit any of the things he was unapologetically saying at the very moment. You knew your feelings were reciprocated yet you continued to listen to know what he actually thought of you.

"Like- she's so pretty its illegal." He continued gushing on about you while Shoko silently snickered to her self and you froze completely.

"Honestly? She's so badass and doesn't give a shit about anything else but she's so caring. I saw her help this small kid in the park whose balloon was stuck on a tree and she helped him get the balloon back, and I instantly fell in love. You already know sweet she is with the students, they love her! AND SHE MAKES SPECIAL CHOCOLATES FOR ME! How cool is that! She..." his voice quietened down a bit "she makes me feel special shoko. She makes me feel loved. She cares about me a lot. Its just a different kind of feeling. But im scared, I don't want to lose her. You-you know what happened to getou- i cant-"

He took in a heavy breath and paused for a second "I dont want to lose her in any way. What if they target her because of me? I know she's so damn strong, nothing can touch her. But that 1% still remains. Or what if she doesn't reciprocate my feelings? Her and I are close friends and i don't want to lose that too. And on top of that I am busy and I am a hard guy to be with."

"well, what do you want to do?" Shoko asked him with a softer smile.

"I..I think i'm gonna stop. She deserves better if im being honest. She needs someone who can pamper her and give her time. I am done-"

"Satoru?"

Your shaky voice could be heard from shoko's phone.

Gojo froze and everything around him went quiet. You. It was you, the one only y/n, on the phone. The one he was in love with. The one he just rambled on and on about to his friend, and you heard every single word. He could feel his mind go hay-wire. He wanted the earth to swallow him whole from the embarrassment. He wanted to go to some foreign country, dig a hole, crawl in it and die. He felt vulnerable, panicked and so much more.

"Satoru? Are you still there?" your voice broke the silence, drawing his attention to you.

He decided to get it over with.

"heyyyy y-y/n? hehe listen don-don't worry about it i-i was just joking- i mean i was n-not- but you don-t have to take me seriously like i-i respect your feelings and if you don't return them t-that is okay but please lets still be friends but i was hoping for-"

"Satoru...please, tell me the truth. Please tell me you're not joking."

With a heavy sigh, he spoke into shoko's phone. "Y/n, I like you. 'I am in love with you' would be a better choice of words, but I don't want to be awkward, it feels as if I'm going too fast. Look, its okay if you don't like me back, and I completely get it; but I have hidden my feelings for a really long time now, and I just wanna say that I will always be by your side, protecting you, supporting you, being the bestfriend that you need during hard times."

"Why do I need you as my bestfriend to support me when you can do the same while being my boyfriend?"

w h a t

Gojo satoru's eyes widened and his mouth hung open. What the hell did you just say to him? "...what? y-y/n what are you saying?"

"I..I wanted to confess my feelings for you for so damn long but I was scared to lose you. I think we both were." you giggled softly and gojo could feel his heart swell. "Satoru, I like you too. I like you so so so much."

"I can't believe it!" he whispered.

"I'm in my office room. Meet me now." That was all you said before you hung up. Gojo could hear the nervousness from your voice, while keeping in mind that he was very nervous too, and he probably gave it away because of his stuttering at the start. He felt butterflies in his stomach, partly from his nervousness and partly from the happiness he felt from receiving your confession.

He looked at shoko with shocked eyes.

"Don't be a wimp and just go to her." Shoko responded to his look, and smiled. "You'll be fine."

Gojo took a deep breath in, then out, and then teleported himself to your office.

His eyes fell on you the moment he stepped foot in that room. You were seated on a big couch that you owned, looking ethereal as ever in the golden rays of the sun that entered into the room through your open windows. Gojo couldn't help but blush at how beautiful you looked, even while being so nervous, and he could feel his heart do a backflip when you gave him a soft smile with a small "hi".

"hi." he replied back, not knowing what to say. His awkward stance was adorable.

"you look really cute when you're flustered." Your compliment made him smile as you both walked towards each other. It was not normal for THE Gojo satoru to be this soft, this flustered, the reason being a person.

"and you, my darling, you...look absolutely adorable when you smile." you both chuckled lightly as he booped your nose with his finger, drinking in the sight of you smiling. "...is it too early to call you darling-?"

"no no it isn't!...I like it." It was your turn to blush now. "What nickname do I use for you?" You tiptoed and wrapped your arms around his neck, feeling his arms go around your waist, gazing into his ocean like eyes twinkling behind the glasses.

"Anything. What do you want to call me?"

"'Toru'. How does that sound?"

"Don't ever call me anything other than that." was all he said before he leaned down and softly placed his lips over yours, feeling a different kind of happiness for the first time in forever.

------------------------------

Taglist: @narcwhore @bollywoodgrandma @vampire-rat-bastard @levis-hazelnut

[take-the-moon-take-the-sun]

Writing some lil somethin somethin for @intistone scars and scales. Lil angsty bit? Idk

Set after sun and moon trust YN a bit (enough to sleep a bit easier)

Angst, blood, mentions of torture and abuse to minors, might be comfort depends on how i feel when im done setting this up.

A stormy night ment everyone was staying in. It was getting pretty late and everyone was getting tired. Y/N had been sitting in the livingroom playing with Sun and Moon. They had been playing easy games like tic-tac-toe, connect four, and even some hide n seek. You are really glad for the hide n seek. You wanted them to feel safe in your house so the game was your way of getting them to explore. It worked perfectly too. Sun had a blast listening to you pretend to not know where he was hiding, you could hear him trying to hide his laughter from in the hall closet. Moon on the other had enjoyed seeking. It was crazy how good at it he was too. Clearly enjoyed the shock on your face when he found you, he decided to try and surprise you everytime he found you. Sun yulping with laughter as moon found him once again. All in all it was a fun evening for the kids, you had a fun time too enjoying seeing the kids act like kids. It was nice. But a yawn from Sun, then moon, followed by you, ment it was time for bed.

Clean up had taken a little while but soon enough you had the boys wrapped up on the couch in a little blanket fort you made with them. If it made them more comfortable then you could live with the mess of the living room. It was sweet to see them snuggle up one another. A small soft small on your face as you make your way to your bed. You felt kinda bad the boys had to sleep of the sofa but theres no way they would rather your bed when the living room was more open and not so closed off. You have taken to sleeping with your door open though. Just incase the kids need you or something happens in the night. But tonight you go to bed tired but for once in the past day with a light heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He was running as fast as he could. They are gonna get him. Its going to hurt so much once they catch him. The pounding foot steps are getting closer. Not just humans after him. He can hear their paw pads hitting the concrete. Not the beasts too he doesnt wanna face the beasts. Pants as he round another corner only to find a dead end. He turns to find a big black beast snarling at him, teeth ready to attack. They lock eyes. His heart is pounding. The beast pounces. Biting hard into his arm, he had thrown them up to protect his face. Its teeth dig into his skin, sharp pain shoots through the bite and a scream is ripped from his mouth. But the scream is short as he lashes out with his other arm to claw at the beast. It clamps down harder so he is forced to claw at its eyes. The beast yowls and releases his arm finally. Blood flows freely from the bite but he can relaxe now. He knows they had time to catch up. Those humans. Those monsters. He hears a soft clapping as the humans loom over him. He feel so small.

A smile is across the humans face as they applaud his act of violence. He knows they like it when he attacks. Maybe hes appeased them enough and they wont punish him. No oh no their reaching into their pocket. The small remote is being taken out and before they can push a button he launches himself at them. He knows it probably wont end well but he has to try. He bites down as hard as he can on their leg. A yell is ripping through the air. Hes climbing the human, an arm slams down on his head, one blow, two, and by the third on he catches the arm in his teeth. He chomps down as hard as he can. If he can win he can escape. He can save his brother snd they can leave. He just has to stop this human from alerting the others. Another yell. But then his whole body feels like its been set on fire. The next yell is his as his collar is activated. Alerting the others and sending him horrible shocks. Normally they just send a quick shock but not this time. The human holds the button down as he continues to scream. The pain ripping through his body as he thrashes on the ground, having fallen from the human. All he can hear are his own screams as the shock goes on as if to never end.

Then it does. Panting he just lays there. But its not over the human has alerted others and they have arrived. He doesnt know how long he laid there gasping for air. Long enough for him to notice someone reaching for him. They grab his arm and jerk violently. He yelps but also quickly reaches for their hand with his bloodied claw and scratches. They released him and pulled their injured had away. Hes not done. Hes not giving up. Lowering himself to better defend he gets ready for another attack. More humans they all start reaching for him. So many hands grabbing for him. His breathing increases as he tried to swipe all the hands. Hes biting and swiping as best he can but some hands still reach him. No no no they cant get him. He bited down as hard as he can on the arm that had him. They yelp out, sounding nothing like the humans normally do but he doesnt notice. He has to defend himself. He cant let them get him. They are saying something to him. Almost like chanting. Its so loud. Hes cant hear any words just how loud it is. He grits his teeth and clamps his eyes shut. Hands coming uo to his head to try and block out the noise. Its so loud. Its like its inside his head. He cant take it….

Then moon wakes up. Eyes blast open as he panics finding himself in a humans grasp. He bits down again on their arm. Warm liquid fills his mouth, a horrible taste, as just as warm tears streak down his face. “Moon! Moon calm down!! Your ok its ok” its like a switch. All of a sudden he realises hes not in that horrible cold and clean place but in a warm messy room that is your living room. He makes eye contact with you as he realises hes still biting down hard on your arm. He quickly releases you from his grasp. You pay no mind to the injury and quickly go to making sure Moon is ok. “Hey kiddo you are ok, its ok. Your safe here moon your safe.” You gently resch out with your mostly uninjured arm. Pauses to make sure hes on with it, before patting his head gently. Hes eyes your injury but you speak up “hey im ok its alright, you alright now? I gotta go check on sun ok. You gonna be ok for a second over here?” He nods at you and as you walk away the words start to register in his head.

What’s wrong with his brother? Had he had a nightmare too? Was sun ok? He looks down at his claws to see them covered in blood. Did he attack you that much? His body is sore from his thrashing in his sleep but just sitting here in worry isnt gonna do him any good. Slowly he makes his way off the couch. The blanket fort had been torn down in YNS attempt to reach him. But wheres sun. He sees the bathroom light on and makes his way there. Theres a few drops of blood on the floor. He really bit you hard huh. But once he glances in the room he freezes. Sun sits there covered in scratches. He has tears flowing and is quietly sniffling as YN gently trys to tend to the more harsher gash on Suns hand. His brother looks up from the floor too lock eyes with Moon. Both frozen in place but the moment Sun calls out to him Moon bolts. Both sun and YN call out to him but neither follow. You hold Sun back as hes still bleeding from that gash on his hand and from the scratches all over his arms and a few on his face. You know hes worried about his brother, hell you are too, but you have to finish getting these cleaned up or else they could get infected and Sun already has a weaker constitution.

You sign as you return to cleaning Suns wounds. He doesnt fight you, probably knows he will get to looking for his brother sooner if he lets you finish. He winces as you start cleaning the cut in his face. Its right under his right eye. Its not deep at all and probably doesn’t even need a bandage. You set to making sure you have cleaned all the blood off him before you start to deal with your own wound. He sits silently, eyes unfocused on the floor as you hastily wrap your arm from Moons bites. Finally all set you kneel infront of Sun to try and catch his attention. He seems to have spaced out to some place dark. Gently you call out to him. “Hey sun.. you ok buddy?” He lifts his gaze to you, looking just as small as the night you had found him. “Its gonna be ok. You ready to go and find Moon?” That brings some life back to his eyes. Its like he realised he is in your home and not some horrible place. He nods and reaches out as you gently pick him up.

You carry him on your less injured arm. Sun calls out but Moon doesnt respond. Its like hours before. But this time its not a cute game of hide n seek and a child hiding because hes afraid and probably panicked. You have a guess as to where he might be. There he is, curled up under the coffee table again. The blanket has been pulled over him as you hear soft sniffling. Your heart once again being broken into small pieces as you kneel down to infront of the table. Gently you set Sun down. He freezes in place eyes the lump of blanket under the table. He looks so sad as he gently calls out to moon again. The sniffling lump goes quite and becomes still. Sun goes to say something else but stops. Its clear to you he doesnt know what to do. “Hey moon, buddy you wanna come out for us?” You step up as the adult you are and try to help. You should know what to do but no one told you how to handle this situation.

Theres a soft rustle of the blanket as Moon moves around to try and hide even more, trying to make himself as small as possible. “Moon its ok, we know you didnt mean to. Come out buddy you arent in trouble.” He shakes his head, though you and Sun can hardly tell what hes doing. He hurt you and he hurt Sun. He hurt his brother. Whats wrong with him. Hes a monster. Hes just like those horrible humans hurting his brother. Sending his own brother to that dark place he knows too well. He could see is in Suns eyes. He did that. They had been right. They told him he would do nothing but hurt his bother and it had come true. With his own claws. The blood he could still see it even though YN had wiped them off. There under the edge of his nails was his own brothers blood. Sun probably hates him. That thought shook him to his core. His brother probably hates him. Suns going to want him to leave, and he should. Hes gonna be alone. Hes never been alone like that. Suns always been there for him and now hes gonna be left alone. Hes doesnt want to be alone. Please dont leave him alone. Hes sorry hes so sorry. He doesnt want to be alone. “m sorry im sorry please dont leave me alone m sorry please km sorry im sorry” a little mantra spills from him.

Suns breath hitches as he understands what his brother is thinking and repeating. Slowly he pulls himself up to the mumbling heap of blanket. And reaches out. He hesitated once but then pats the blanket. Moon get knocked back into reality as Sun slowly un wraps Moon from the blanket. Sun gasps once he finally finds Moons face. Tears streaming down his face and his face fills with fear at sign of Sun. Sun freezes. Then slowly reaches out for Moons face. Moon finches but doesn’t pull away. If Sun wants to return the favour of scratching up his face he thinks it’s deserved. But instead Sun gently wipes away the tears from Moons cheek. Moon looks up to lock eyes with Sun who just offers a weak smile. After a moment Moon leaps forward to hug his brother. Tears flowing as he spews apology after apology. Clutching Sun like his life depends on it. Sun hugging his brother back his own tears start to fall again as he reassures Moon he never wants to leave him.

[jovenshires]

i'm super curious about domo and i'd love to hear more about it! (ofc only if you want to tell)

ahhhh my beloved, my best friend, my domo. i won't go into heavy detail bc it's my baby and you're all just gonna have to read all currently 6k+ (though it's not halfway done yet and i have a sequel tentatively planned) when it comes out. BUT i also love talking so! vague spoilers for a future spommy fic called 'dancing on my own' ahead.

domo is no au of any kind, just set in the real, actual smoshverse. it is the Very first fic i started to write when i returned to writing for this fandom, right before i wrote and published 'the right side of my neck (still smells like you)'. literally the only reason i wrote right side is bc i had to take a break from domo bc it's so Heavy. like don't get me wrong. i love her. i started writing her for a reason (which i'll get into in a sec). but she's a lot, especially when she's the only thing you're writing at one time!

although i now write from tommy's pov all the time (literally don't know when i picked up that habit bc the first four wips i started were All spencer pov), at first i didn't think i could do it bc i just related to spencer agnew Too Hard, and that's what's at the core of domo. in that fic he is just god's lil angst puppet takin All the fuckin hits. sorry spence it had to be done. when i wrote 'baby you're a haunted house' in the og post i mentioned challenging myself to write from tommys pov just this once bc spencer does enough and its True. he puts in enough work in domo alone that he does not need to be tortured at any other time ever he gets a free pass KNDKFNKFNNF (note: i will not be exercising that free pass, sorry, we will be getting more fics from spencer's pov xoxo).

i consider myself a very... hopelessly romantic person. both of those words are equally important in measure, i mean - 'romantic' AND 'hopeless.' so let's just say those are both huge themes in this fic! smth smth projection! so expect a lot of pining, a lot of overthinking, and a lot of romanticizing everyday normal interactions xxx

i also wanted this fic to focus on friendships, so courtney and kiana both play a really huge part!! it's a lot of spencer's friends aggressively caring about his mental health in this one folks. eventually he'll learn to take care of himself but, you know. we all need a little help along the way now and again! writing kiana is SUPER fun and im glad i made the decision early on to have her feature heavily.

this fic also features various shoots of our favorite smosh shows, all of the smosh ensemble at one point or another, and, of course, some hand imagery. bc what would we be without it!

[abysslll]

okay hi hello am listening tot he playlist :3 im on the first song and AUGH i am getting hurt/comfort vibes that would dig a deep hole into my chest and haunt me for eternity. i love it. getting like soft between each other but serious on the outside vibes?

Mental Illness

(first luce oc playlist without ajr????????????? what has happened who are you what did you do to luce)

they dont feel like. good enough for each other but they are they really are. "please dont leave" "ill stay as long as you want" "forever is a long time though" cringeass line sorry but it has those vibes

(insert screaming crying emoji right now)

theyre trauma bonded at this point. it Hurts but they love each other so dearly. like theyre literally the fucken world to each other this point and are helping each other get through life.

ohhhhh god like. Slighty (very) codependant (i cant spell??) anyways. I LOVE EVERYEHTING YOU DO WHEN YOU CALL FUCKING DUMB FOR THE STUPID SHIT I DO like fearing abandonment probably both of these characters were forced to grow up too soon

(i am in love with this playlist. metaphorically making out with and marrying it)

The Horrors. Trauma. They Fight Often but its not strong enough to pull them apart. generally feels like a bit of an angry relationship perhabs? rebellion totally i am honestly so surprised that 18 by anabor isnt on here

parental issues. mecore

(SORRY WHY DID I SAY THAT SKDHSKDHSKDHSLDA)

they feel like they can be each other around one another and their relationship feels like sanity, finally. it feels like the world is burning all around them and theyre the safe place where the war cant reach.

again, Mental Illionosi. mental illness hurt and comfort. self destructive tendencies. if you cant tell im listen to agnes right now and screaming and crying.

theyre gonna follow each other into the ends on the earth into apocalypse and war and through life and death and they're just never fucken letting go because this is what love is. and this is sanity, and this is what it means to live.

overall, i love them your honour and Me When. banger playlist im gonna listen to this all day

also they definetly cook for each other. movie cuddle nights on the couch. soft domestic fics are popular for them. also intense angst hurt comfort fics are too theyre probably whumped really hard too. i love they <3

HI IM SORRY NOT ME FORGETTING TO RESPOND TO THIS-

YOU ARE SO VERY CORRECT. LIKE OMG YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH SPOT ON.

they are so so sooooo hurt/comfort, it's insane. yes first luce playlist without ajr i know it's crazy </3 i was considering putting turning out in but it's already in my bruabba playlist and i didn't want to overuse it (despite the fact that it works better for fugonara than bruabba)

they were forced to grow up So Fast, nara was on the streets at 10 and fugo was never allowed to be a child my poor blorbos :((

i have never heard 18 by anabor but i will listen to it asap i may very well add it in

PARENTAL ISSUES. MECORE. AMEN

yes yes yes you're summing them up so well i'm getting emotional just from your descriptions sdkgdslkn

THEY ABSOLUTELY COOK FOR EACH OTHER AND DO MOVIE NIGHTS OMG. I NEED TO WRITE A FIC WITH THAT NOW WHAT HAVE YOU DONE (/lh /pos). you're right though everyone loves writing domestic fluff of them 😭 the hurt/comfort/whump is top tier tho i just recently read this fic where narancia Fucked Up and fugo beat up him to the point that he had to go to the hospital it hurt so fucking bad

love them too <333 thank u so much for listening to this playlist i'm so glad u liked it :DD lysm

[koolkat9]

7, 10, 11, 12, 13, 41, 42

Hey babe, Hetalia ask game dropped!

7. Food-related headcanon? (im hungry)

Afonso has been giving lessons to Arthur on how to cook. Because Arthur is tired of relying on other's for proper food.

Alternatively, Arthur's significant other making meals for him that he can heat up over the week when they're apart so he doesn't starve.

---

10. How long have you been in the fandom? What's your lore?

I've been in the fandom I think about six years? I got into it winter of 2016. Basically I watched a top 10 video regarding anime Christmas episodes and the concept sounded interesting so I added it to my watch list. I actually almost dropped the series 3 episodes in because I was watch the dub and certain jokes rubbed me the wrong way, but I'm glad I came back.

As problematic as the early content was its a series I deeply love and owe a lot to. And its a rare case where no one really cares about canon and the fandom has been able to make it something beyond just canon and I think that's beautiful.

---

11. What book gets you daydreaming about Hetalia?

Hmm...Books don't really get me thinking about hetalia tbh.

---

12. What film gets you daydreaming about Hetalia?

Hmm, I'd have to go with either Chitty Chitty Bang Bang or Treasure Planet.

Chitty Chitty Bang Band has GerEng written all over it. Arthur as Caractacus Potts, inventor and single father working hard to give his kid(s) the world. Ludwig as Truly Scrumptious, heir to a big candy company and a non-nonsense person who ends up running into the little Potts' family and coming along on an adventure in their flying car. I've literally casted the whole thing and picture the musical numbers casted as the hetalia characters.

Tresure Planet is perfect Atlantic bros au. Alfred as Jim Hawkins, a troubled kid who comes to possess the map to the elusive Treasure Planet. Arthur as Long John Silver, feared pirate captain who disguises himself and his crew to get onto the crew embarking to Treasure Planet. In the process however he grows close to Al/Jim and they develop something of a father-son relationship with Silver/Arthur being one of the first people to see Jim/Al's potential. Great for angst and sweet moments. Also pirate Arthur my beloved + steampunk like aesthetes.

---

13. What song gets you daydreaming about Hetalia?

Hmm...There are so many. But one of my favourites is "Doll on a Music Box" from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Because I love imaging GerEng disguised as dolls and doing the duet at the end.

Also almost any Beatles songs, specifically from the Sgt. Pepper album makes me thinking of GerEng and just them being cute listening to records together and going to concerts. But "Maratha my Dear" gives me a particular images of Ludwig singing it but replacing 'Martha' with 'Arthur.' And Arthur is jus so smitten.

---

41. Something positive the Hetalia fandom has done for your life?

Finally made me realize just how much I love writing. If it weren't for fanfiction writing, I don't know if I would have gone down the route of Creative Writing for University.

---

42. Any Hetalia merch (og or fan-made) rave-worthy?

The Alice Merch standees I got. My most valued piece of merch because I love how you can so easily turn that au into GerEng.

I also have a sticker of pixel GerEng for my computer that I just got.

Lastly, my hetalia shirt from hottopic. I don't know it makes me feeling much more comfortable wearing it. Probably because Hetalia is a big comfort for me.

[laximpulsion]

love the new chapter!! Can't wait for the next one, do u have any fave leatin fics i can check out in the meantime?

Why thank youuuu!! So glad you're liking it :) Lol, very good question! To give you a needlessly long answer with a lot of disclaimers...

It all starts with the kind of funny fact that i actually got into the wilds because of Shoni! But by the time i started writing I had done a HARD pivot to leatin. And now that I write, I do a lot less reading than I did before, so I don't actually have as many leatin fic recs as one might hope. (I definitely have more shoni fics bookmarked on my ao3 page than leatin ones lmao it's kind of funny)

ALSO, I tend to actively avoid fics that sound similar to what I'm writing now or what I plan on writing in the near future. So for that reason I have not read many S3 fics or post-island fics. And a side effect of this is that i DO read a lot of AUs, so this might be mostly AUs, sorry if thats not your jam!! maybe someone else can chime in with canon fics?

anyway. i KNOW im gonna be missing lots of good ones so sorry in advance but here's some ideas to get you started:

This feels like low hanging fruit but it's true - anything by lostresidentevilpotter is a good bet, the ex-girlfriends one was an instant classic for me and actually i think it was one of the first leatin fics i ever read! really you could spend a week making your way through the lostresidentevilpotter archives and it would be a week well spent.

I'm also a big JourEtNuit fan - this one where all the girls go into witness protection after the island was another instant classic, and another of the ones that I read really early on in my fandom journey so it has a special place in my heart. more recently i loved the The Last of Us AU !

Perhaps an unconventional pick because it's not my usual thing but this social media AU where the girls start a joint tiktok account after the island has TOTALLY charmed me and I adore it, always makes me smile.

I really enjoyed this series by tardexlanoche - think this is actually the only full-on s3 fic I've read, and I loved the premise set up by the first one in the series where Fatin and Leah were kind of almost friends before the island. Plus i believe there will be a sort of AU of itself that branches off after the first fic in the series about what would happen betw. them if they never went to the island, which I think is a super neat concept.

And one of the few other canon-adjacent fics I read and enjoyed a lot is The Fall by Ecrooked24 , where leah and fatin get stuck in a ravine and have to confront their feelings - with angst aplenty. (I've also been loving Polaroids!!)

And then there's a few others that only started recently but I'm keeping an eye on because they intrigued me -

tip the world on its side - leah sees gretchen in LA, i have no idea what's going on but i'm very into it so far

this compass tattoo soulmate au - i am not usually a soulmate AU kind of gal but this one has got me hooked!

this ghost hunter AU - had me at ghost honestly! and then had me again at ghost *hunter* lol

this one where Fatin leaves Leah annotated books - annotated books are such a cute concept and it was SO ruined by jeff doing it!

whew okay...sorry this was so long but if you follow me you should hopefully know by now that i write fucking NOVELS any chance i get hahaha. if anyone has anything else to add please feel free!! especially s3/canon-adjacent/post-island fics!

EDIT: suggestions from the comments - these are all great too, i've read a lot of them and started others!!

Mad Girl's Love Song by ThornedRose44 come home to my heart by scoutshonour, Sleepless in Sylvester by comicc_bookk_jawnss, pull you from the tide aka the tinder series au by overnights, did you win? aka the celeb au by lunchables, and can't forget the amnesia au i was dangerously tangled (the second time i met you) by rosymidnights.

[harringtown]

i’ve been meaning to come in and say hi for so long but i could not let another ✨second✨ pass by without letting you know that i am in love with your writing you are an actual queen 😭😭😭

CAN WE TALK ABOUT WITH ROME BELOW US?? THAT FIC HAS ME IN A CHOKEHOLD ITS SO UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING and i don’t have the vocab to express HOW MUCH I LOVE IT????? i read it on ao3 for the first time and i just remember being mindblown after every chapter and then reading your author notes and they were so sweet and humble tbh they had me shaking because after you put me through the wringer every chapter there was a “thank you for reading” in the notes like it’s totally normal for you to girlboss this hard on a tuesday 😭✋ now i have reread it so many times please don’t ask it’s embarrassing 🥹

it feels so lame and not enough to say that you’re an incredible writer because you are so much more than that. and it’s so rare for me to be able to connect with a story the way i did with this one but everything from your writing style to the plot to the characterisation was so so well done. you had me SO invested in the story and in every single character and the way you write is so powerful and immersive i really felt like i was in the story 🥲 and even though ofc some of the events were based off the show you really made everything your own like the creativity and genius?? unparalleled

i feel like i defs can’t talk about this story without taking about the ANGST???? oh my goodness i loved it SO MUCH and bestie you did not hold back at all 😭💔 the LONGING and unrequited love (at least at first except i’m not 100% if i can call it that bc the timeline HAHAHA) and the DRAMA. I LOVED IT ALL SO MUCH 😭😭 it was the perfect level of angst it made me feel like someone was stomping on my stomach and squeezing my heart way too hard and also cutting off my circulation but the happy ending came right before i was about to die 💅🏽 i loved the vibes i loved everything except maybe that it ended too soon 😭 but you could have continued this story for another 7382362928722929 chapters and that still would have been too soon so it is still a huge slay for you bestie

and the way you made it gender neutral with the pronouns was so sweet and i am so glad this story is there for every reader to read and cherish the way i did 😌

i’m so sorry this is so long it’s just rare to find a story that resonates with you and makes you feel things the way this did for me 🥹🥹 it reminds me of my favourite book and i didn’t think i’d find anything that made me feel the way that book did until i found with rome below us 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

you are actually iconic i hope you know that 😭 i’ve read a few of your fics already on ao3 and i can’t wait to read more ILY

HI HELLO OMG this is literally the kindest message ive ever received i wish i could tattoo it on my chest oh my god thank u so so much!!!

i dont even have words but im just so so glad you enjoyed it!!! the whole reason i write is because its a comfort for me and it makes me so happy to know other people read my stuff and feel the same (well maybe not all comfort cuz like. the angst. but u know what i mean)

‘it reminds me of my favorite book’ is the best compliment ever god i would like to give u a big hug and a kiss on the forehead!!!! youre incredible and i cannot tell u how much i appreciate u taking the time to read and comment

[mothervvoid]

hey sexy! just stopping by to tell you that reading your feedback on "I'm At Home" the other day literally had me melted, all over the FLOOR. 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡 I can't tell you how hard I was cackling from happiness while reading it. I don't deserve youuuuuuuuuuu

anyway, just wanted to give you a huge THANK YOU. I ended up re-reading the whole fic myself over the last few days, and then i just now finished adding 5x more drama and angst and goodass soap opera shit to the sequel I'm writing for it, and honestly, thank you so much for kick-starting my motivation to write. I am not by any means done with "Abandon," but it's at a quiet spot for a second, and the next chapter is just a long beast of a thing (mostly because it shifts through everyone's pov at least once - kakashi's, rin's, obito's, and minato's, plus a new character, for one hot second, and it's taking me forever to make it sit right and be consistent). So anyway the revisions over there have been slow, and I didn't know I needed a break but I really needed a break, and I loved having a good reason to revisit "At Home" and write more for that one. i'll post the first chapter of the sequel pretty soon, i think. I've already finished most of the fic, at least all/most of the crying scenes, and the yelling-at-each-other scenes, and the talking-it-out scenes, and the lighthearted-banter scenes. Now I just have to finish writing the screaming-and-writhing-in-awful-terrible-pain scenes, which oughtta be fun!! (i almost always save those for last, like they're the writing dessert, omfg send help). plus the follow-up/aftercare scenes, where hopefully everybody gets bandaids who needs them, hopefully with disinfectant this timme rip, rin, i love you, but it's a lot more fun to write ShittyMedic!Obito

anyway, because it's me, you know there's gonna be a whole lot more angst, whump, and fleshwounds than is strictly necessary, but just fyi thanks to you and one particular small thing you mentioned in your comment, a lightbulb went off in my head earlier and so now there's also just one more extra notch of all that good stuff than is strictly necessary. after re-reading your comment, i wrote a new line into the sequel draft, re-read the line, and was just like: "yikes." poor kakashi rip haha.

ANYWAY! i love you very much for getting back to me within 5-7 business days! no promises but I will try to do the same with the next fic update 🥰😊

heyyyy!! once again i'm really glad to hear my comment made you so happy, it was such an insanely good read i couldn't resist. did you know i almost copied the whole thing into google docs? i thought i was going to exceed the comment character limit and i would have to post two comments instead of one, but honestly if i had you would've deserved both comments bc 'I'm At Home' is fucking stellar. 100/10. gonna be rereading this one.

dude im SOO excited for the sequel. i can't wait :D i can't wait for the update to Abandon either, i love to sit back after the day is over and see you've updated Abandon so i've got another chapter to read before bed. its like a bedtime story shittymedic!obito my BELOVED. honestly the scene in I'm At Home where he stitched kakashi's wounds and gagged and squealed the whole time was one of my favorites, partially just because of how over-the-top disgust was but also because even though he was so grossed out he still took care of kakashi's wounds. I love hearing these updates for both Abandon and I'm At Home!

"thanks to you and one particular small thing you mentioned in your comment, a lightbulb went off in my head earlier and so now there's also just one more extra notch of all that good stuff than is strictly necessary." < oh this pleases me greatly. this pleases me VERY MUCH. evil laughing rn

"i wrote a new line into the sequel draft, re-read the line, and was just like: "yikes."" < i CANNOT wait to find out what it is because my reaction will most likely also be 'yikes' and also *evil laughter*

don't push yourself too hard!! i can always wait for an update <3 but i am also looking forward to it!

[1d1195]

Friends genuinely can be the worst, I literally lost all my close friendships last year in span of weeks and I'm officially friendless so cheers to that 🥂 I never understood when adults used to say that it gets harder to make friends as you grow up cause I used to be the kind of person to make friends anywhere I go, so I was like "how hard could it be"... IT'S HARD...Harder to even maintain them as time goes on ...I am 19 and I don't think I have ever had a best friend that was truly my best friend, yk what I mean, that I genuinely was really open with....so for now I have kind of left it...Maybe college could be a place but I have lost all hope 🥲

Maybe it's just because its the second month, but I agree the last 4 years went by too fast but they were also SO FREAKING EVENTFUL...it makes you think did all that happen in the same year....I really really hope, I genuinely get to experience everyday of this year, good or bad

Dude me too, when I read protection I was like aweee bodyguard love story...but yk i love angst like gimme all of it (with a happy ending ofc) i love scenes where if one of the MCs get hurt and the other is like panicking but simultaneously telling them how much they really mean....the brink of death scenarios add a little depth just sayin' ....but she was a fiesty one for sure...like she practices running and can out run them all...she is kind and has flowers all over her apartment but will send you glitter christmas cards...I love it

At this point, if im not watching you tube during my study breaks, I just pick new stories of yours to read, because physical books are so much of a commitment now although i miss them soo much! I might even peak at your "OLD STORIES"

🤭🤭🤭🤭

-🧸

P.S. my sunday was shitty too lol this week was not mine

I met my best friend in college. Felt the same way as you. I had a best friend in elementary/middle school. Definitely was alone throughout high school. All this to say, don't count it out yet. It's easy to lose hope, believe me. But you'll be glad you didn't. Easier said than done, I know. But she was worth the wait.

I am exhausted by time, so I hope it slows down, for SURE. I don't feel old but then I feel like I'm running out of time (very Hamilton of me). I don't know. It makes me sad sometimes. I like your philosophy, I hope I experience all the year has to offer.

I loved writing Protection so I'm glad you enjoyed it so much! 💕 That's so sweet 😭 Physical books ARE a commitment. I have to admit, I think I am too old for all the YouTube hype. I just missed the boat I think. The good news is I waste my time scrolling through TikTok for hours on end when I'm not writing or reading. I should do more math though is what I should do--keep my skills sharp 😅

So sorry to hear about your weekend. Glad you get a fresh start on a new week!

xoxo

[catmaidetho]

21. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting? AND/OR 37. Talk about your current wips. !!

chel!!! :D

21. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

i edit as i write, so its hard to say? once it's all Done i give it like 2-3 quick skims to make sure theres no glaring typos or inconsistencies. i also read it over again once its in the ao3 editor because the change in font/spacing does affect my brain to somehow find even more typos.

37. Talk about your current wips.

I AM SO GLAD YOU SENT THIS. okay so the danger days au wip is now danger days au wips PLURAL. there are two of them because i finally figured out a fun way to open etho's story and i had to write it down before i forgot. danger days au wip number 1 aka grian's story is like???? i hesitate to say 1/3 done because its absolutely not 1/3 done, but the first third of it is planned and of that third i'd say 75% of what's planned is written. im debating changing scar's character bcuz as compelling as his current backstory is and as much angst potential as is there, i dont think it actually fits him much. i am still trying to find a creative way to incorporate the cactus ring and/or the life debt into the fic.

send me a number!

[hokusu]

it's really hard to balance irl stuff with online stuff sometimes >.< I've had a lot going on in my head recently, but I'm trying really hard not to let it overwhelm me, which is easier said than done lmao overall though I'm doing well! ^-^

you hit the nail on the head regarding what's so wonderful about Christmastime!! it's also just always been a really special/nostalgic time of year for me and my family, and I also adore Christmas music haha. it all just fills me with a lot of warm, cozy feelings~ I really like winter all-around though, I'm the kind of person who prefers the cold over the hot, although I think my favorite season is probably spring cuz it's the perfect in-between! 💕

who are some of your favorite characters?? and if you don't mind me asking, what do you enjoy so much about dabihawks? I think they make a really interesting pair and would love to hear your thoughts about them!!

~your animanga secret santa❤️

So true, as soon as you're busy irl time flies so fast and it's hard to catch up with everything (cough anime in my opinion too lol, I'm struggling to edit everything I want this season 😭). Im glad you're doing well though, Santa!! 💛 I hope your thoughts leave you some peace soon and whatever it is, works out. 😊

Yess xmas music is so nice and comfy!! I love trans-siberian orchestra ones the most. Do you have a favorite Christmas song? Do you get white Christmas where you're from? 😲 I also enjoy winter more! And fall is always so dreamy, but where I live it doesn't really have much of fall either lol.

I have a lot of favs but here are some ☺️:

One Piece (not caught up yet but this anime is probably the most of my hyperfixation after dabihawks rn lol. I love it so much) - Zoro, Trafalgar, Ace and pretty much all of straw hats

SNK (been a while but they'll always be special) - Levi, Eren, Jean

Haikyuu (this is the comfort show Im always into) - Kageyama, Kuroo, Nishinoya, Hinata, ...almost everyone tbh.

Given (re-reading recently so feels are back) - Kaji mostly, but also all the mains are good lol

Banana Fish - Ash Lynx

Kny - Uzui, Giyuu

And lastly my absolute favs right now and I can talk about them forever Dabi & Hawks - I love literally everything about them individually and together. Dabi, who was told he's never been enough but consistently proving that everyone is wrong (literally living when he should be dead through sheer will power and vengence) vs. Hawks, who always remember "what is he even good for" and desperately tries to prove he can be of use? Dabi, who's ready to die while taking revenge vs. Hawks, who's willing to die to save everyone else? They're both so much more than who they pretend to be, who they wear that mask for and I think sometimes people misunderstand them for it, but its why I LOVE THEM!

I love their dynamic and how they used each other in the manga, I love that they're on opposite sides of a war both with ideals that clash so differently and they're perfect foils of each other, and yet so easily they could have been in each other's shoes. I think it makes them understand each other in a way that no one else does when all their lives, they've been very much alone. Their tragic backstories also plays into their character development very well (and every ch it shows me this!) Contrary to some opinions out there (esp. about hawks oof) , I think Horikoshi did a fantastic job writing them and they are the most interesting in the animanga by far and why I picked up the manga. There's so much to explore with them, so much potential angst and parallels between them, but even on their own they're just written SO WELL.

Hawks views are so skewed and it shows because of how he was brought up (by a family who didn't want him and then bought by the commission to be a solider) and it's so ingrained into who he is today, but he genuinely still just wants to "do good and protect people", so he's still the best hero in my eyes. 😭 And Dabi, who obviously isn't innocent, but you can't help but root for him to live at the end of it anyways bcus Dabi was genuinely good once and he tried so hard to be, he couldve been the best fucking hero. They're so flawed and fucked up in their own ways, but I love them for it and they're PERFECT. At the end of the day, I know they've done heinous things but they both deserved so much more. Latest chapter with them meeting again has me screaming too and I'm so excited to see what's next in manga!! There's so much more I could say but sorry this is so long already!! How about you, are you a fan of BNHA and who's your favs? 😁

And I'm also into a lot of other animes (seasonal or otherwise like sxf (so so good and heartwarming), csm, tokrev, jjk, mp100, golden kamuy, a lot of slice of life and lesser known ones, etc.) if you wanna know more ^^

Please have a lovely week Santa! 💛

[neowinestainedress]

Hey! here is another appreciation post from another reader of your hyuck's mini series ^^

I just wanna say i really love your writing!! Angst is my fav genre so to read something that can tug my heart is really satisfying to me ><

I've been wanting to send you this message since before but i'm too shy and afraid i couldnt find words to write to descript my feeling but i'll just do it now haha

I did read one of your answers about the possibility of the ending, if the fl gonna ended up with hyuck again or jeno. tbh i feel the same way as you. Hyuck's character here is so damn toxic i wish i could punch him real hard so he realised his mistakes but then again it'll be satisying to see him get torture slowly like that.

on the other side, aka my bias for him, i want them to be together again. which showed that his toxic is winning if they ended up together again. because i couldnt see them with other people aside from each other. i guess its affected by the 5 years relationship too. But he is so toxic 😭 he is so bad to her, he is the worst! Not loving her the same way as she is already worse enough BUT IN THE SECOND PART WE GET TO KNOW THAT HE ALSO TALK BAD ABOUT HER. THAT IS SO-- coward of a man to do that. I'm so disappointed but I dont get why i want them to be back together. I mean after all renjun and jeno has done, and her braveness to finally having the positive thoughts, to see her trueself, loving and forgiving herself, why would i want her to be back again with hyuck eventho he change for a better self?

It is so complicated i want to slap myself. Because i know on the other hand, hyuck is struggling too. I dont know how to word it out but he look like he haven't found himself, (this is just like me), it's like when people said he can be like this, he will try to be like that without thinking if that is good for him. it's like he is a shadow of people's word instead of being himself so maybe thats why i still have a tiny sympathy for him. but to say it's a sympathy is not right too cuz i'm placing myself as the fl and tough to say, i still love him. i want him to realise his mistakes and changed but getting fl right away will be so abrupt. Maybe both of them should recover from the hurt and after many months and meet again and maybe they finally fall in love again, that would be okay.

Okay, now lets talk about renjun and jeno. im so so glad renjun is still talking to her even tho he is actually hyuck friend to begin with, word cant explain how much i appreciate his effort and the same goes to jeno. but as much as he is soooooo nice, i couldnt see him with the fl 😭😭 like yes he is nice and thank you for telling the fl that she deserve so much more than what she was thinking of herself before, regaining her confident back. he is a good friend and thats a shame because he is like a 2nd lead character, so damn nice, willing to do anything for the fl but at the end he could never get the chance to be with her. that is how i see his character, it could be different from you or the others.

But well this is your story, youre the writer so it's all up to you. And its just my opinion with a little bias to hyuck since he is my bias blfjdldjfk so of course i still want him at then end of the day though i really want him to physically and emotionally broken, get his heart bleeding more than the fl after realising his mistake until he gain a forgiveness from her again.

Anyway, i'm rooting for you whichever ending you planned to end it! I hope you have a great time writing and doing works outside of writing too, i saw that you're busy with your studies now so good luck with that!! Cant wait for the final part but take your time as much as you want until youre satisfy with your writing.

That should be all from me hahaha didnt expect it to be this long. And thank you for reading this lol >< have a nice days ahead <333

Hi!! These types of ask make me so happy you have no idea😭. Thank you so much. And you described your feelings perfectly.

Hyuck's character here is so damn toxic i wish i could punch him real hard so he realised his mistakes but then again it'll be satisying to see him get torture slowly like that.

I love to see that we all want to punch him lmao.

Because i know on the other hand, hyuck is struggling too. I dont know how to word it out but he look like he haven't found himself, (this is just like me)

No, you're right. I know I didn't make it explicit because I plan on elaborating it in the last part but Hyuck feels like shit for real. You don't know what you have until you lose it, right? That's what he feels right now,

Okay, now lets talk about renjun and jeno. im so so glad renjun is still talking to her even tho he is actually hyuck friend to begin with, word cant explain how much i appreciate his effort and the same goes to jeno.

They are the bests, I love them so much.

but as much as he is soooooo nice, i couldnt see him with the fl 😭😭 like yes he is nice and thank you for telling the fl that she deserve so much more than what she was thinking of herself before, regaining her confident back. he is a good friend and thats a shame because he is like a 2nd lead character, so damn nice, willing to do anything for the fl but at the end he could never get the chance to be with her. that is how i see his character, it could be different from you or the others.

I'll answer to this but I'm also referring to what you said before about hyuck and the oc being together for five years and so on. I totally get why most readers feel like this. Jeno and oc 'relationship' wasn't developed and it's against Haechan and the oc that have been together for five years and even if they were flashbacks you know how deeply they loved each other and what tied them so together so, as toxic as it got, I think it's normal to wish for them to make it up.

i really want him to physically and emotionally broken, get his heart bleeding more than the fl after realising his mistake until he gain a forgiveness from her again.

And I think we can all agree. Either way the story goes, he WILL suffer so don't worry about that

A more general comment, I know how it will end so I can't really answer you how I would do if I didn't because I don't want to spoiler but once the last part is out you can write me again so we can discuss this with no filters.

Anyway, i'm rooting for you whichever ending you planned to end it! I hope you have a great time writing and doing works outside of writing too, i saw that you're busy with your studies now so good luck with that!! Cant wait for the final part but take your time as much as you want until youre satisfy with your writing.

Thank you so much, i really need support because I'm kinda going crazy hahaha. Have a nice day/night too!!

[moririki]

⤷ MORE THAN YOU'D BARGAIN FOR

DENJI X READER -> 1.7K
when it comes to a fool blinded by love, it sure hurts to have the short end of the stick

REQUEST -> ✰
CONTAINS -> angst, friends with benefits‼️, happy ending bc i'm weak like that, denji not knowing how to process emotions, very loose college!au cos i'm lazy, makima being slightly antagonised because fuck her, mentions of sex but nothing super explicit i don't think
MORI'S THOUGHTS -> thinking about denji's hands. i want to learn how to animate manga panels now so i can do a csm edit. also the writing style got kinda boring im SORRY

HEARTBREAK WAS ALWAYS BOUND TO HAPPEN IN THESE SORT OF RELATIONSHIPS. anyone with a pair of eyes and ears could give a clear answer to the question "who does denji like?" and no matter how much you wanted that answer to change, it would never be you.

even when the blonde boy had been so insistent on his heart belonging to another, he still had urges. so under the influence of one too many bottles of alcohol, it was a fairly easy decision for both of you to fall into bed together. more than once. more than you'd care to admit.

being with denji was nice. he was funny, sweet at times and vulgar during the others, and you found yourself repeating a mantra of don't catch feelings for your friend during your time together. and truth be told, it was hard not to, even when you and denji had finished your business and the topic of conversation always seemed to make its way back to makima.

it left a bitter taste in your mouth when denji acted like nothing had happened between the pair of you in other settings. the bitterness turned sour when you realised that there was no reason for him to have to either, and you cursed yourself when you realised you had done the worst thing possible and gone and fallen for your friend who so clearly wouldn't like you back.

but there were times where you thought that you just might have a chance.

even though your cursed your heart for fluttering and rearing its head each time so willingly at denji's mercy, you couldn't help but take every offhand action of his as a ray of hope. with the way his hands engulfed yours to anchor himself as he thrusted into you, the way his lips left urgent kisses on your lips as you panted beneath him, the way he whispered sweet nothings into your ear as you cried out in ecstasy.

and even when you were lying next to each other in his bed, catching your breath. you would turn to look at his face sometimes, only to see him staring at you already with a look in his eyes that could only be described as wistful. but you were a fool to think that you could ever upseat makima in denji's eyes.

false hope could only get you so far.

with his breath tickling the back of your neck and his large hand rubbing patterns into your hip, this false hope really had gotten you somewhere. but all good things must come to an end. words that you dreaded to say weighed heavy on your tongue, but you dragged yourself along, lifting them just enough to feel them escape your lips before you could really stop them.

"denji, what are we?"

you felt the hand that rested on you go still, and the arm that was poised as a pillow for you went rigid. hell, the boy that was holding you so close to his chest had practically stopped breathing, and you felt your eyelids slide shut in a bitter defeat before you heard another word. it's not like you needed them to understand how he felt, anyway.

"we're friends, aren't we?" his tone was so controlled, so even and level and unlike the denji that you knew and, dare you say it, loved. it sent another shot tubneling straight through your heart, and you were glad that you were currently facing away from him. you wouldn't be able to handle seeing the look on his face as all of your tentative hopes were crushed under his heel. all you wanted to do was curl in on yourself and maybe try to cry away the numbness that was invading your body from the chest outward.

you raised a shaking hand to push denji's own off of you, and you felt the mattress underneath you creak as the boy shifted in confusion at your behaviour.

"y/n?"

your kept your back turned to him as you got out of his bed, pulling on your own clothed and scowling in frustration when you couldn't find your shirt anywhere. you were seconds away from letting the first droplets fall, and you did not want to let denji see.

you snagged some random material of a shirt off of the bedroom floor, yanking it over your head and turning to face denji with a face that you hoped wasn't too scrunched from holding back your tears.

"we're not just friends and you fucking know it."

you didn't have time to register his wounded facial expression or the pleading calls of your name that he cast towards your retreating figure, but you grabbed your shoes before leaving his dorm, shutting the door behind you a little too forcefully and storming off back to your own room.

you must look insane, padding along the halls with no shoes as angry tears streaked down your face and you tried your best not to audibly sob. by the time you had made it back to your room your eyes were streaming, and you flopped on your bed with little regard for anything else other than crying your eyes out.

truth be told, after that fateful night and the best cry of your life you felt much better. you knew where you stood, you had your feelings sorted out, and you knew that a little distance would really help you to finally move on from your friend.

now, if only denji would stop calling and texting you like nothing had happened.

you felt like you could scream when you saw a notification from him, asking if you wanted to study for the test that you had next week. you bit back the petty urge to ask him if he wanted to study with you as just friends, instead opting to turn your phone off and bury your face in your pillow once again.

matters of the heart take time, after all.

on denji's end, things weren't looking much better. he brushed off his confusion at your actions and words when you had left so abruptly the other day, only to find himself staring at his ceiling trying to decipher his feelings and what the hell you had meant.

he likes makima. and he has, for a while now. he could count on one hand the amount of times he had interacted with the girl who sat in front of him in the lecture hall, and every time had been met with this strange giddy feeling in his chest. though it was rare, he knew that feeling.

but the one he felt right now was so, so, different. when the door clicked shut behind you, it felt like a piece of him had up and left along with you. the very reason that he had accelerated things so far in your relationship was because of how right things felt with you. the slightest graze of your fingertips across his chest didn't light any fireworks in his mind, but it's like warmth perforated his skin and was injected straight into him from you.

truth be told, that feeling was the most addicting he had ever felt. and when he heard that air of finality right after the door shut behind you, it didn't take long for denji to realise just how cold everything felt without you.

but he still liked makima, right?

that giddy feeling in his chest he got from her was enough to fill the you-shaped hole, right?

you not talking to him wasn't what made his heart hurt, right?

he only realised just how wrong he had it when he talked to makima for the fourth time ever. she had turned in her seat, even smiling at him and asking for a pen, and all that came to mind was how much he missed your smile.

hell, he missed everything. the sound of your laugh, the smell of your hair. the way you fit against him and said his name. and that's when he realised this you-related feeling was.

longing.

there was a knock on your door. and another. you groaned, rolling over to check the time to see that it was three in the morning.

by the time you had cracked your door open you saw a flash of blond hair and a face all-too-familiar, you knew it was too late to slam your door shut. denji's face perked up, and you already knew that you were done for.

he lifted his hand, revealing a pretty albeit crumpled bouquet of flowers. you almost giggled to yourself, guessing that the mastermind of that romantic gesture was most likely denji's roommate aki. but it was appreciated, nonetheless.

"what do you want, denji?" you were painfully aware of just how much of a mess you looked right now- eyes still red around the rim from how many self-pitying tears you had shed over this entire situation.

denji's mouth and opened and closed, and you sighed against your barely open door which still had a chain on it.

"i'm not in the mood, denji."

"no, no, it's just that i wanted to say that i've finally figured out what we are." it appears tgat your friend finally found his voice. you looked him in the eye again, trying not to let the hope in your heart build itself too high. "we're way more than friends, y/n."

you felt any resistance crumble at those words, and the sheepish smile on your face grew.

"so, can i come in?" you smiled at denji, shutting your door to undo the latch before opening it again, wide enough to let him back in to your life. consider him a weakness of yours.

the first thing denji did when he crossed the threshold of your door was wrap his arms around you, dried tears and crumpled flowers and all, and bury his face in your hair. the only words he had to offer was a mumbled i miss you into your skin, and you felt your body melt against him like it had so many times before.

when you finally broke apart, you couldn't help but wonder.

"so, what are the flowers for denji?" the boy before you blushed, his eyes flitting off to the side. he raised a hand to the back of his neck, taking a breath to summon some courage.

"i was hoping... that i could take you out on a date. or be your boyfriend. something like that."

"what?" denji was still bright red, though his eyes were locked onto yours.

"you heard me." you smiled once again, taking a step forwards and effectively closing the distance between you two.

"i would love to."

take a look at the menu - ,, ⚖️ ·˚ ༘ ꒱