#im so grateful for anything/anyone u dont understand

[madelyncilne]

hi tags, i've debated making this post but here i ho. it's the typical "i hate making these posts because of x, y, z", but for the past year or so i've made various posts regarding my mum's health journey and in april she suddenly passed. so it's safe to say that life hasn't been the greatest on my side of the internet.

i won't go into detail, and to cut a long story short, i have £150 in my bank to last me until i go back to work— and right now, it's looking like that'll be in a few months. this money doesn't include my student grant (after an extension that i have to finish my uni work/dissertation, etc.) but it has limited my ability to work (obviously), along with having to be around for my father who is the only family i have. we're not doing great, and that much is expected. with my father being retired, i am the only person to make money (minus a pension but it's not a lot, and the money we received from my mother's has to last my father the rest of his life). i'm paying rent for my university flat (until my contract is up in july), along with helping my father out, food, necessities, etc.

on top of this tumblr decided to shadow my commissions blog (sebegifs) which is the only way i'm making income (yes, i'm still working on the one commission i owe), which was really the kicker. commissions are still live and open, just paused on the sake of being posted (information here is still valid if you're interested in anything before a new blog gets set up) but if you decide on anything, please message me here.

i'm once again not asking for much— i say this every time but it is true— or if there's really a point to this post, but i just wanted to say that my new commissions blog (fingers crossed) is a work in progress over at @elsgifs (within the next few days all information will be there and live, i'm just having a hard time with focusing on it so maybe this post is rendering itself useless but forgive me i'm also extremely scatterbrained), and i'm more than happy to provide anyone with gif packs, gif icons, rp base icons, etc. that i can (while i'm not in work and need an extra few dollars to pass me by). so any questions about that, please don't hesitate to ask me (chances are if you submit a request it can be set up/released sooner than later)

additionally, my ko-fi is here. i'm not begging or asking for you to donate to me without anything in return, so on the off chance you see this, even a reblog would be nice. i appreciate it, a lot and i'm sorry for constantly flooding the tags when i don't think my issues are nearly as big or as important as half of the stuff going on in the world rn.

[fairyhaos]

okay im back with something (a fic thought??) omg, imagine this, imagine meeting joshua for the first time

We all know how gentle and caring a person Joshua is, that's definitely one of his charms and personally who wouldn't fall in love with that. But then u realize that he's like nice to everyone, i dont mean it in a bad way but like being the delulu person i am, i personally feel like there would be something to our relationship more than that (speaking from experience with one my friends) IDK IDK i kinda wanna write this as a full fic, like slow burn, oml i havent written anything joshua related in a while; I just wanted to share it to u coz ik u would understand 😔😔

in my joshua hours again fr

MEETING JOSHUA FOR THE FIRST TIME I'M SOBBING

he isssss he's so gentle and caring and literally the epitome of a polite gentleman and it's so 😔 the members tease him for playing up his "image" every time he meets someone new, but when he meets you it's genuinely because he wants to make a good impression on you, make you smile and blush and make your heart flutter, just a little, in the same way you made his do just that.

and maybe you do get a little insecure, thinking that he treats everyone that way, but all it takes is one heartfelt conversation on the roof of jeonghan's house as you're both escaping the mess that is the svt house parties, his eyes sparkling with stars and softness and a genuineness that you've never seen him hold with anyone else as he tells you how truly grateful he is to have your friendship. and that makes you think that maybe, just maybe, you mean as much to him as he does to you. <3

[jamij0]

my future

its okay to not have it entirely figured out at 20. people don’t realize so much of their success stems from the healthy environment they were able to nourish their future in. they can be grateful, but when they see someone who doesn’t have it flat planned out, they take full responsibility for where they are currently. might be finishing college comparing themselves to a peer who they “thought had it in them” or understanding someone else is not moving at their individual speed. your brain is systemically copying your parents words back and forth of what you’ve been taught growing up, go to school, get a good job, get married. when those spaces are filled with nothing but parents who aren’t normal parents, you cannot expect your life to be mimicked in another just because you saw yourself in someone.

im steady on the creative plans, i know EXACTLY what i want in that category of life. i think about it every day and how i’ll execute it. no means, no sources, couldn’t involve my family if i tried unless i wanted to ruin something that makes me excited for my future. i know exactly how ill start to fund it and do it though. im steady on how ill start to move. of course it’s hard to break habits, but constantly thinking about how i’ll change it, i just have to remember to do it differently. not my actions but my meditated choices. i need to be more stern, more cut, more clean. i know exactly what i mean by that.

i know exactly how i want to bloom. i cannot let ill wishes and thoughts even fly near me. it’s kind of the growing up part of things, i’ve experienced so much too early and i think i need to give myself a break. maybe some swats, some family disagreements that lingered for years, maybe a bipolar psychosis encouraged by delta 8 and abuse at 20. maybe my business is my business because i know my destination and will let anyone drop like flies, over my life. over me. because i need to focus on my mental health more than anything at this age. my brain is too developed in certain areas to give a fuck about certain rumors or actions towards me. because 6 months are gonna shoot by, then what? you’d still be wishing on someone’s downfall souring your own heart or will u find out what you think of me, never fucking mattered? i look into my future every day. i dont really occupy myself with the past. i will not have an attachment to anything from 3 months prior, ever. detachment is a natural healer in the flow of things.

[airen-blab]

BLAB SESH:

title: my descent to insanity.

u know the quote from perks of being a wallflower "u accept the love u think u deserve". im trying to figure out how that applies to my life.

cause i think i deserve more than the love im recieving currently. but i still settle with it because what else can i do. i would rather have shitty love than no love at all.

i dont think im a lucky person who recieves miricales. everything i have in my life i have had to make extreme effort to get. things just dont just fall into my lap.

me asf:

so how am i supposed to find the love i think i deserve? do i completly uproot and change my life? maybe that is the only way to find someone who loves and understands me.

that sounds fucking terrifying though!

i have people who give me the love i think i deserve. but they are people that im not really close with. they are in different places in life so its hard to stay close u know. im grateful for their love though.

but my friends that i am close with hurt me constantly. they are rude, negative, and selfish. i dont feel like i can be my true self around them. i hide pieces of myself from them because i cant let them ruin what i love about myself.

but we have a lot of good times together. they know more about me than anyone. but all they have done our entire friendship is abuse my kindness.

also me:

ive gotten to the point where their bizzare behavior doesnt even really affect me anymore. i have a high tolerance for difficult people.

but the main point i want to make is that i feel like i give out a lot of love but i have never recieved it back. and i dont give out kindness expecting anything in return.

im just confused becuase everything relativly bad ive done i feel like i already received the karma for it.

i just thought by this point in my life i would have girlfriend or even a bestfriend who loves and understands me. i just feel very alone. and i try to put myself out there to meet new people. but im very shy. social media and dating apps are the worst.

so if anyone has any advice on how to find a true deep connection in life lmk. thanks.

[momiamtired]

i tremble and panic when remembering what my life will be. im scared and lonely and i dont want anything else, just to see my family and home. for some reason i feel like in mt first days here, and even then it wasnt that bad. im afraid of the idea that i have to get used to this. i don t find living in the apartments and going to work that scary but still just understanding of how life plays with me makes me feel misserable. oh how i wish i never looked up this university in google, when i was lying in my warm bed at the winter, excited, because i found western university that will bring me to my dreams and actually is afordable for my family. i feel so stupid and im so sorry dad i am you spend so much money on me and im not even grateful. this fucker oh fuck he asks if 2 pm is okay for me. i dont think any pm is okay for me. i think tomorrow will be horrible. i dont think he thinks of me in a romantic way, he has some chicks name in his user name sticker. i fucking hate him. but i wish he could comfort me. he probably doesnt care in the slightest ab me. for some reason i kinda feel like omori? is this a strange reference idk. well omori song just started playing so i thought of it. i feel like i dont really should be in this world. i want to come back to what it used to be. i guess a lot of people think about the same things but uh yeah. i guess tomorrows gonna be awful. i really dont want to see him espercially this early but i have to get out of the house, it will fucking eat me alive. i must have studied a lot today but ima lazy ass and cryed all day. i hate that the idea of crying is so normalized today. its like oooh i cried because of this dead pigeon!! wtf no i believe tears are not for this. people cry when they experience strong emotions. my other roommate is singing songs in the shower god i hate her. its 9 pm btw. she screams like a pig. sometimes she is nice and i truly believe she is a nice person. i still hate her and would like to see her dead. but no right now. im not that angry right now. when i think of my mom i start to cry. i miss her so much. it was always like this when i was a kid, i would always cry when i was at sleepovers. i dont know why, its a strange feeling. it is reallt strange. when im okay i dont even want to talk to her, its like i dont have a lot of stimuli to do so? but when i feel bad the only oerson i want to call is her. i guess shes the only one who i believe would reallt care. not even my best friend who i would always call the best person in my life. im just a bad person. when she tells me that something happened to her im always kinda happy it happened. its not always like this but sometimes i feel like oh lol ye u deserved it bc there is enough good in ur life. im just an awful always jelous person. i guess world would be a better place without people like me. people like me are the people who shoot schools. i would be happier if it uh fuck again its like when u remembering something like just spontaneus and u immediately start to cry and tremble and like idk feel bad? i feel so so so homesick. i didnt feel that homesick at the start and here i am after 3 months here. i really love my parents and actually my home i am so sorry that i never told anyone this or idk oh god im so so sorry i never respected never understood. i guess its just that im homesick and my home isnt that good but tbh i cant of a thing better rn than my home. fuck any other place. fuck heaven. i just wish i could my cat and my mom sitting and talking loud at 7 am when the sun is rising with her mom and she will make me awake and i will go and ask her to be quiet really angryshly and she will go to her room and i will try to sleep again but now i cant so i smoke my vape and browse through tiktok, lying in underwear and some t shirt, then my cat will come to me and start meowing for me to play with him, i will annoignly play alittle bit with him and then proceed to do my every day morning chores. but summer in my country when u have friends is amazing. i mean my city. okay i will end now to mush words

[nctsworld]

two nights, one you

✩‌ jaemin ‌x‌ ‌reader‌ ‌|‌ fuckboy!jaemin | strangers (who f*ck) to (brief) enemies to lovers | ‌10.9k 

SUMMARY‌ ‌⇾‌ a last-minute one night stand gone awry is extended into two nights when you’re snowed in at the cute (but rude) stranger’s apartment on christmas eve. [loosely based on the movie, two night stand] // part of the x-mas in ncity collection  GENRES ⇾ crack | smut | fluff  WARNINGS‌ ‌⇾‌ ‌lots of bickering and dialogue, smut, oral s*x (f and m receiving), fingering, mentions of alcohol/drinking, swearing, bit of angst before the end, jaemin’s an asshole... or is he? RATING‌ ‌⇾‌ explicit TAGLIST ⇾‌ @infnteen​ 

AUTHOR’S NOTE ⇾ it’s late (and long fsldkm), srysry but here it is! i hope the humour comes out in this and look away if falls flat zzz fingers crossed that i can finish the last two installments for this collection asap! 

⇾ gif created by me, please don’t repost or share without credit!

Maybe it’s because it’s the evening of Christmas Eve Eve and you’re feeling more lonely than usual.

Maybe it’s due to the two glasses of wine you guzzled down in the span of fifteen minutes that get you buzzed.

Maybe it’s your prominent six-month dry spell and you’re in desperate need for some much needed rain in your drought.    

Or maybe it’s just pure impulsiveness.

Regardless of the reasons, you’re aiming to get laid tonight.  

It’s 9:45pm as you make the rounds on Tinder. You’ve used it in the past, searching for a relationship in vain, but haven’t used it much since you broke up with your last partner. Bringing the app alive again, you’re already bombarded by distasteful messages, off-putting one-liners and jokes, and swiping left more than you’d like.

You haven’t had a one-night stand before, but isn’t there anyone on here that is just a little bit attractive, nearby where you are, around your age, and is somewhat chivalrous about the topic besides saying DTF? Maybe you need to lower your standards if you want to get dicked down tonight.

But then, you land on him.

One Na Jaemin, 20 years old, and only four miles away from you.

Scrolling through his profile pictures and Instagram feed, you assume that he’s into photography, is on the athletic side from the various hobbies he partakes in, and he must be at least half-aware of his beauty because there’s the occasional pic that shows off his lean, toned arms, which, if you can be frank, is more flattering than the shirtless ones you constantly see. Oh, and he attends the same university as you.

The cherry on top? His bio is simple and upfront:

“Not up for anything serious, but always down for a good time ;)”

You swipe right without hesitation.

“It’s a Match!” flashes instantly at you. Your mouth swings open in disbelief.  

Usually, you’d wait for your matches to message you and play hard-to-get, but not tonight. Tonight, you’re initiating and leading all the conversations, completely driven by your thirst.  

Messaging Jaemin is a breeze. He types with more than half a brain, and he flirts, but it isn’t overwhelming or repulsive. Segueing the current topic, you drag your bottom lip upward as you send the following message:  

so, hypothetically... if one were to have good time with you would tonight work?

Not even twenty seconds later and he replies with:

-wow, dont you go straight to the point -im impressed -but yeah -tonight works ;)

He’s quick to send his address.

-let me know when ur here and ill come get you out front!

Smacking your lips together, you squeal to yourself in the comfort of your home, excited to meet with him, but then a thought hangs over you—this feels a little too good to be true. Horrible scenarios run through your head, so your fingers dash across your phone’s keyboard:

tbh i haven’t really done this b4 so im kinda new to this is it ok if we video call or smth? gotta make sure you’re real and not a serial killer i’m sure you understand 😛

-for sure for sure -totally get it -ive had my fair share of fake girls and serial killers so i feel u 😛

Grateful for his consideration, you rush to rearrange your hair after you send him a Zoom link, hoping you look decent enough to not have him back off from his initial offer. He appears in the video call on his phone with the front-facing camera on a few seconds after you connect.

“Hi,” you chirp.

A corner of his mouth lifts. “Hey.”  

Okay, he’s definitely cuter in real-time than in his pictures.  

“You know, I’m not gonna lie, but I lowkey expected to see a dick or something,” you joke in an attempt to dispel your nervousness.  

“Same,” he chuckles, running a hand through his black hair.

Oh God, he’s not just cute—he’s devastatingly gorgeous.

“So, this is my place...”

Jaemin moves around with his apartment in the background, revealing his living room first. Envy prods you as you note the brick walls, high ceiling windows, and well-appointed furnishings.

Recalling his address, you ask, “How’d you get a place in the heart of the city?”

“Lucked out,” he shrugs. His phone shakes a bit as he’s still moving. “My friend slash roommate—who is at his girlfriend’s place tonight, so we have the place all to ourselves—his parents own the condo and they gave me a friend discount on the rent.”

He finally stands in one place and turns the light on to reveal a room. “And this is my bedroom.”

Nothing out of the ordinary. A desk table with a gaming set-up, in tow with a gamer chair, and a decently-sized bed beside a nightstand.

“Oh, and here’s my closet.” Jaemin’s on the move again as he opens his closet doors. “Just to make sure you don’t think I hide the skins of my past one-nighters in here.”

A bubbly laugh rises from you. “Okay, I didn’t think of that before, but now you’ve planted the seed in my head. Maybe you hide them in the other rooms.”

“Nah, my roommate would kill me if I did.”

Both of you laugh in unison, and you bob your head with puffed cheeks.  

“Okay, it all seems very promising. I’m going to get ready and I’ll guess I’ll see you in a bit, Jaemin.”

“Sounds good,” Jaemin nods, then winks. Although you’re sitting down, he’s still able to get you weak in the knees. “See you soon.”

You end the call and rush to bundle up for the snow starting to come down outside. A twenty-minute train ride later, you’re at the front door of a rustic, industrial apartment complex. After informing Jaemin you’re outside, you glance up at the snowflakes falling from the dark pink-grey sky, anticipating for what comes next.

Sex with a hot guy, what can go wrong?  

So, you must’ve jinxed it because the sex is...  

Unsatisfying. Finished faster than you’d like it to be. Sadly, overall disappointing. If you had to rate it, three out of five stars, at best.

But hey, he came, and you sort of did, and it wasn’t the worst sex you’ve ever had. It half-quenched your dry spell.

And enough happened that it tired you out, leaving you passed out in the handsome stranger’s bed until morning.

In the morning, your eyes slowly flicker, unused to the foreign, sweet scent engulfing you in your bed. Correction: Jaemin’s bed.

Your eyes flicker faster as you glance through the almost wall-sized window. The snow hasn’t let up from last night. On the contrary, it seems like it’s snowing non-stop. You groan at the thought of going home in this weather.

The bed is without Jaemin’s presence as you reach for your phone on the nightstand. 10:36AM and a few notifications greet you. You rub your eyes and start combing through them, rising upward to sit up on the bed.

“Morning. You’re finally up.”

Peering up from your device, Jaemin’s standing by the door with folded arms. His plain sweater and sweatpants match the colour of his hair. The dazzling smile he gives is so contagious, you’re not even conscious of catching one too.  

“Out you go.”

You blink.

Once, twice, and then you tilt your head as you stare blankly at him, uncertain if you heard him correctly.

After a few moments, because you’re not moving an inch, his smile dissipates and he cocks an eyebrow in expectancy. A serious expression rolls over his face.  

Suddenly, Jaemin strolls to the side of the bed and hitches his thumb towards the door.

You definitely heard him right.

And he’s dead-serious.

You replay the video call from last night, dissecting how you thought he was nice and funny and—

Realization dawns on you.

Why would you expect anything more from a two-faced fuck boy?

Still awestruck by the situation, you’re still solid as a statue, so Jaemin takes matters into his own hands and grasps you by your elbow, casually dragging you from his bed like he’s taking out the trash.  

“What the fuck?!” you screech.

“C’mon, let’s go. Out out.”

“My clothes, though!” you protest in the middle of the hallway. He sighs in frustration, scurries to the bedroom, and returns with a small pile in his arms, then continues to drag you to the front door.  

“Are you always this pleasant with your guests the morning after?” you rage, putting on the rest of your clothes by the door. “You don’t even have the decency to offer me tea or coffee?”

“This was a one-night stand, not a bed and breakfast, sunshine,” he says as he watches you put your shoes on. He’s folding his arms again and leaning against the wall, his attitude dripping with smug. If he wasn’t a stranger, you’d punch it off his face. “You weren’t kidding when you said you were new to this, huh?”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

“It means you’re a borderline virgin who needs to toodle-loo, get going and gone because you’re overstaying your welcome as we speak.”

Finishing putting on your coat, you’re fuming as your jaw hangs at the personal jab over your skills in bed. Jaemin swings the door open and shoves you through it.

“But I’ll admit, it was still nice having sex with you!” he chimes with a sickening grin and a hand on the door.  

“Aw, thanks asshole, wish I could say the same,” you sarcastically reply, resting a palm upon your chest.  

He scoffs. “From what I heard last night, I think I can confidently say that you had a great time.”

Flashbacks replay in your mind of your screaming fest from underneath him. Little did Jaemin actually know—

“You know, for someone who I assume has many one-night stands,” you spit with squinted eyes. “I’m surprised you can’t tell when girls fake it.”

You must’ve hit a sore spot because he grinds his teeth and you could almost see the steam coming out of his ears.

Oh yeah, you’re definitely the winner in this fight.

“Okay, you know what, Merry Christmas and fuck you. Have a great life!”

“Fuck you, dickface. Wishing you a miserable Christmas!”

With a bitter smile, you flip him off as he slams the door in your face.

Carrying a basket filled with dirty clothes, Jaemin’s on the way down to the laundry room in the basement of his apartment with his shoulder scrunched up, squeezing his phone to his ear.

“Bro, she had the audacity to say that I didn’t make her come when she was screaming my God damn ear off—”

As he steps down the short flight of stairs and passes by the foyer area by the main entrance to the building, he notices you’re still here.

“Shit, uh, Jeno,” he mumbles. “I’m gonna have to call you back.”

He stuffs his phone into the pocket of his sweats and calls out to you as he strides closer. “Are you resorting to stalking me by my front door now?”

With crossed arms, you peer over your shoulder, eyes full of bitterness.

“Like I wanna be anywhere near you right now,” you grumble. You jerk your head towards the thick, wooden door. “It’s jammed from the snow.”

The laundry carrier shakes his head and places the basket onto the floor. “A little snow never hurt anyone. You’re probably just too weak.”

Stepping aside and holding out an arm, you signal for him to give it a try.

Jaemin twists the handle and, lo and behold, it doesn’t open. His forehead crinkles as he tries again and again, using more force each time.

Glancing through one of the partially frosted windows adjacent to the sides of the door, he notices the snow has piled enormously high, almost to the height of his chest.

“Well, shit.”  

Reluctantly, Jaemin brings you back to his apartment. You’re technically his guest and if he left you in the foyer to freeze, trouble would surely come his way, whether it be in the form of his landlords (also known as his roommate’s parents) or the police.

Without a word, he settles a spoon in a bowl, a carton of milk, and a box of cereal onto the small kitchen table.

At first, you stare at it venomously in rejection, thinking you can easily last a day without any hand-outs from this son of a bitch, but your stomach roars ferociously three seconds later.

As you chew across from him, you enjoy the company of your phone over him, while he does the same but with a cup of coffee in hand.

After finishing your food, you adamantly place your phone down and lean back into the chair, boring holes into his head.

“Why are you such an asshole?” you seethe observantly.

“Why are you such a bitch?” he retorts, not pulling his gaze away from his phone.

“Because you started it,” you say slowly, stating the obvious.

“No, you.”

You sigh defeatedly at his childish behaviour. The weather apps predict the snow will (hopefully) die down by tomorrow morning, thus you’re officially stuck with him for the next twenty-four hours or so. Your hands rake through your hair.

“Whether we like it or not, the snow isn’t going away until tomorrow. Merry Christmas Eve to us, I guess.”

He’s still glued to his phone. You exhale another sigh.

“Since we’re not getting out of this until then, can we just...” You soften your voice. “Start over?”

His eyes are still on the screen, but from the way his shoulders tense and how he stops scrolling, you know he’s considering your proposition.

“At least call a stalemate over this.” You drift your hand in the air, gesturing between you and him.

Blowing out air and shaking his head, he rests his phone onto the table.

“Fine.”

He crosses his arms, imitating you, and the two of you sit there, staring at each other in a long silence.  

One minute, to be exact.

You’re the one to break the silence game by running your hands over your face, letting out a hybrid of a groan and laugh.

“God, the fact that we had sex makes this kinda awkward, huh?”

Jaemin’s exterior melts slightly, letting out a snicker. He shrugs, “Then let’s just pretend that we didn’t have sex.”

“We can’t just pretend that we didn’t have sex,” you say, holding two upturned palms near your face.

“We did it, it’s done. I’ve seen your penis, you kicked me out, and you labelled me a prude—” You dart a finger towards him. “—which I am far from, by the way. All of those are pretty huge things.”

One of the corners of his mouth raises high. “Are you saying my penis is huge?”

“No, the implication of said penis is huge. Wipe that smirk off your face.”

He stretches an arm, holding an imaginary microphone to your face. “Do you deny that my penis is huge?”

Rolling your eyes, you swat his fist away. “What am I, on trial here?”

“Do you plead the fifth then?”

Annoyed, you roll your eyes again. Why do you get the feeling that you’re probably going to be doing this a lot more today? Another feeling tells you that if you don’t answer his question, he’ll probably pester you until you do.

You tilt your head side to side. “It’s... decently sized.”

“Bigger or smaller than average?”

“Perfect...” His eyes light up. “...ly average.” And a frown rolls over.

He squints his eyes accusingly at your sneer. “Are you lying like you did before about faking it?”

You scoff. “I wasn’t lying about faking it, and I’m not lying now about your average sized dick.”

Jaemin releases a disgruntled grumble and lifts his cup to his face. You notice he likes to take his coffee black and bitter, presumably like his heart.

“So, Miss I’m-Not-A-Prude-and-I’ve-Definitely-Had-Sex-Before.” His eyebrows perk up on the word definitely. “What’s your story? Why the last minute one-night stand?”

Shrugging your shoulders to your ears, you reply, “Haven’t had sex in a while.”

“When’s the last time you had sex?” he asks mid-sip.

“Half a year ago,” you respond nonchalantly, perching your chin into your palms.

Jaemin immediately chokes, almost spraying the coffee through his nose.

“Half a year?!” he gasps. It takes him a few hits to his chest to dispel the coughing. “Six months?!”

“Wow, you can count!” you exclaim in a condescending tone. You change the position of your hands so that your chin is now atop of the back of your curled fingers and tilt your head. “Can you also spell?”

“As a premed student, I can assure you that I am capable of doing both,” he says with a slight strain due to the coughing fit. The humble brag brings on another eye roll. Of course he’s a premed student with the attitude he wears.

“It’s just—” He clears his throat and swallows the last bit of coffee stuck in his windpipe. “—The last time I had a dry spell was for like, a month, tops.”

So the fuckboy gets laid way more on the daily than you expect. You’re torn between being envious over how much action he gets in comparison to you, or remorseful, since you’re now just one of the many notches on his bedpost.

No matter, sarcasm is always the best defence mechanism.

“Good for you, Jaemin. I’m sure you’re very proud of that.”

There’s an awkward beat. His head hangs for a moment while his thumbs stroke the sides of his cup. A strange pinch of guilt occurs. Did you overstep an unspoken line? But then he drags himself back to reality in a heartbeat.

Jaemin brings the cup to his mouth again, mumbling, “At least the sex on your part makes more sense now; you’re rusty as fuck.”

Completely aware of what he said, you trash your guilt entirely and narrow your eyes. “What did you just say?”

Following a long sip, he hums, “Mmm, nothing.” Soon after, he stands up with his cup.

“I’m gonna go game now. Feel free to watch Netflix on the TV and stay in the living room.”

As if you had anywhere else to go...  

He begins to walk towards his room as you mutter under your breath, “I’m not a dog.”

“Says the bitch,” he pipes up, taking you by surprise.  

“Thought we had a stalemate?!” you shout, leaning your head forward as you watch him entering his room.  

“Doesn’t mean we’re on peaceful terms!” he sing-shouts.

The flinging of the closed door echoes throughout the apartment.

Regret surges through you. You just had to choose a fuckboy fluent in assholery and end up incidentally being isolated with him during a snow storm on Christmas Eve.

You wonder if you can handle being around him for the next twenty-four hours without killing him first.

During the afternoon, you’re on the living room couch, playing a show as mostly background noise while you’re on your phone. At one point, your phone unsurprisingly begins to die and you tread over to Jaemin’s door to ask for a charger and if you can also take a shower. He’s still annoyed by your existence, but at least he hands you a charger and lets you know where the extra towels are.

Stepping into the living room with the towel in your hand as you dry your hair off, you peer out the large living room window and see nothing but white engulfing the streets and buildings as far as the eye can see.

You pray the snow will eventually stop as soon as possible so you can head back home.

By the middle of the afternoon, Jaemin emerges from his bedroom and shocks you by plopping down on the opposite end of the living room couch from where you’re sitting.

“Bored?” you ask, eyes fixated on the TV screen.

“Nope,” he replies, popping the p as he says it. His slings his arm around the top of the couch.

“Gotta keep an eye on you in case you do something.” Turning away from the screen, he faces you and motions circles with his hand. “You’ve got a little crazy in you, I can feel it.”

You quickly glance over at him, but try to refocus on the TV. “Need I remind you that you’re the crazy one, dragging me out of the apartment right as I woke up.”

That compels him to turn his whole body towards you. “Well, you’re the one who wanted a last-minute one-night stand.”

You match his stance. “As if I’m the first girl in your bed to stay in the morning?”

“Actually, yeah.” He aggressively tilts his head to one side. “Most girls leave before I even get up. The other percentage don’t fight me when I ask for them to go, so it looks like you’re the odd one out.”  

You press your lips together, refusing to admit that maybe he has a point, under the assumption that he’s telling the truth.

Jaemin twists his body back to the screen and adds, “I make it very clear on my profile that I don’t do morning afters, sweetheart.”

And you agree that his profile is clear about his intentions, but that doesn’t mean you can condone his shitty behaviour.

“Well, sorry that I expected just an ounce of respect instead of getting kicked to the curb after you stuck your dick in me,” you grumble, shifting back to the show and crossing your arms.

“Morning afters lead to attachments, and attachments lead to feelings, and feelings lead to relationships,” he says the string of words clinically, as if it’s a mantra that he lives by.

Your eyebrows knit together as you whip your head towards him once more, studying him.

“And what’s so wrong with that?”

Deliberately averting your gaze, Jaemin grates his tongue between his teeth, a slight tsk audibly heard, and his chin juts out. There’s definitely a story behind his ways. He huffs and changes the subject.  

“Seriously?” He holds a hand out. “You’re watching this trashy show?”

Squinting your eyes at him, you could probably interrogate him further, but you decide otherwise.  

“It may be trashy,” you concur, looking at the TV. “But it’s my trashy comfort show.”

Following an over-the-top acted out scene between the show’s main love interests, Jaemin shoots up from the couch.

“Yeah, no, I can’t handle this. Can we either put on something else or game or something?”

“Why don’t you go back to your room to game, Mr. I’m-Not-Bored?”

“Like I said, I gotta keep an eye on you,” he says while bending over in front of the TV, already setting up the Playstation. He tosses you a controller as he strides to his side of the couch again.

He mumbles to himself, “Need to make sure you don’t go crazy from the lack of human interaction.”

Either Jaemin is selfish and only looking out for himself, or he wants to make sure you’re not feeling lonely in a stranger’s home.

Likely the first reason, you deduce—because why would a guy like Jaemin care about a mere one-night stand?

Admittedly, you’re not the best at games, especially at fighting ones. You can comprehend the move lists, but you like to live by button smashing the controller and repeating moves over and over.  

So it’s hilarious when you beat Jaemin every round with your surprisingly fruitful technique.

“Okay, this is bullshit,” Jaemin complains, sticking his tongue out in irritation. His ass is currently being handed to him on a plate again since you’re almost done killing his character off. “You must be lying to me; you have to be a pro player or some shit.”

Jaemin’s health bar is dangerously low as your character jabs his with a sword. He winces out loud and you snicker.

“Why do you think I always lie about everything?! Dude, you have serious trust issues,” you joke before you steal the opportunity to slice his character. One more hit and he’s done for.

“I do not! I just—nooo!”

You rise to your feet and pump your arms in the air, turning in circles in joy over yet another win.

Sulking, Jaemin eyes your little dance from his end on the couch, but as he watches you more, a feeling balloons in his chest. Something he hasn’t felt in a long time.

Finally coming down from your post-win high, you spot an emerging grin from the corner of your eye, making you pause.    

“What?” you eye him suspiciously.

Your suspicion pops the sensation in his chest and, like a fish out of water, his eyes widen and his grin melts away.

“Nothing, uhm.” He ruffles his eyebrows and palms the back of his neck, quickly facing the TV. “Let’s go one more round and then we can switch to another game—”

Suddenly, the TV and surrounding lights switch off. Both of you waver your eyes, anticipating for them to come back on, but they unfortunately don’t.  

Jaemin rushes over to the window. When he swivels his head towards you, his face darkens.

“Looks like it’s at least the whole block. The streetlights are out too.”

Without another word, he dashes to the linen closet and brings back several blankets. He calmly explains that there won’t be heat since it’s connected to the electricity, so it’d be best to keep warm with the extra layers.

Not wanting to scare you, he doesn’t add the fact that due to the huge windows in the apartment, more unnecessary cold air will come in, but you’re already cognizant of it from your own logic and since the remaining heat dissolves rapidly.

You groan and retreat into the massive blanket over your shoulders, turtling your head.

You can’t believe you’re going to fucking die in this asshole’s apartment on Christmas Eve.

On the ends of the couch in your makeshift blanket jackets, both of you attend to your phones for a while.

From what people and the news outlets are saying, it’s not just the block, but the whole city grid is out. You frantically text your friends, giving updates on how you are and half-jokingly telling them that you’re going to die with your dreadful one-night stand. Some time passes and Jaemin tosses his phone  off to one side.  

“Well, since there’s nothing else to do and we should probably conserve our phone batteries—” You glance up at him from your phone and pout. Slowly nodding in agreement, you toss it aside too. “—why don’t we play a game of ‘I’ll-Give-You-Pointers-on-How-to-be-Better-in-Bed’?”

A smile burgeons on his irritatingly handsome face and your eyes roll. At this point, you wonder if the reaction is conditioned into you. “It’ll be my early Christmas gift to you.”

“Wow, so thoughtful, how could I ever thank you?” You drag the blanket closer to your chest in false gratitude.

You think for a serious moment if you really want to go through with this. Hearing Jaemin run his mouth on you unwarranted is already painful, but to give him the go-ahead to do so? Especially criticizing your skills in bed?  

You blow out a sigh, noting the slightly visible cloud. You’re grateful Jaemin has thick, downy blankets.  

Well, if you’re going to die, may as well know what went wrong, right?

“Fine, but if we’re playing this game, we have to say everything honestly and take the criticism we get.” You point a stern finger. “No rebuttals, just acceptance.”

“Wait.” Jaemin crinkles his face in genuine confusion as his hand peeks out from his blanket.

“You have things to criticize about me in bed?”

Your lips tremble before you burst into laughter. Displeasure is on Jaemin’s tight-lipped face as you laugh for a while, almost keeling over in your blanket ball onto the hardwood floor. “How conceited are you, oh, my fucking God?”

He slices his hand through the air. “I’ve never had any complaints—”

“Because you’re too busy focusing on your own orgasm, you selfish dickwad,” you say as your laughter dies down.  

He sits in his snit for a few more moments until he gets over it.

“Fine, fine,” he huffs. Jaemin knows he’s not going to enjoy this, but he’s the one who suggested it. He can’t back out now. “Let’s just get this over with, you go first.”

With your blanket held by your chest, you hop off your end of the couch and shuffle over in front of him where he’s seated. Beaming, you begin.

“Let’s start with foreplay.” Jaemin’s eyes light up with confidence, thinking he’s at least decent with that. You crush his expression as your lips purse and you shake your head.

“Non-existent.”

“What do you mean?! I kissed you as you took off your clothes.”

You stick your free hand out from your blanket, extending your index finger.

“One: you only kissed my lips. You know, there are other parts of me to kiss, like, I don’t know, my neck, my arms, my shoulders.”

You extend another finger. “And, two: it’s weird to not help someone take off their clothes. Like you’re in a super rush to get somewhere or something—”

“We’re fucking!” he cuts in sharply. “This is a one-night stand, not a relationship.”

Closing your eyes and dropping your head, you pinch the bridge of your nose. You sigh in exaggeration.

“Thought we agreed no rebuttals...” you softly sing-say.  

Jaemin’s head sinks a little into his blanket. “Sorry.”

Removing your hand, you shrug. “Maybe there’s some rule that I don’t know about one-night stands, so this could be on me.”

You start to aimlessly tread back and forth in front of him, dragging the blanket along too. “But fuck, foreplay is foreplay for a reason. You work your way up to the heat of the moment and it makes sex much better, regardless if you’re in a relationship with the person or not.”

“Next point.” You stop walking and direct your focus on him. Pointing your finger and looking him dead in the eye, you ask, “Do you know what a vagina is?”

He snorts with a simper. “Uhhh, is this a rhetorical question?”

“No, I’m legit asking,” you say with a raised eyebrow and snarky smile. “Because when you went down on me, all you flicked your tongue at was the outside of it, also called the labia if you didn’t know.”

“I’m premed, of course I—”

“Which is great! But you didn’t go any deeper nor did you go near my clit.”

You thrust your finger again. “Do you also know what that is?”

“Yes...” he groans with the flickering eyelids.

You swipe your arm through the air. “Maybe make use of it, and not only when you go down on girls. Even during sex, touching it is great.”

“And lastly,” you continue. “I’ll be honest here, you have a decent dick.”

Jaemin waggles his finger. “So you were lying before—”

“I wasn’t lying,” you retort firmly. “But anyways, you’ve got the stuff, but why don’t you put it to better use?”

With the following words, you attempt to gesture with your body and execute moves as graphic visuals. Jaemin giggles at the sight.

“Vary the speeds and the angle, don’t just slam it in me and go crazy fast from the get-go. Build up to the climax. Jesus, I couldn’t even get close to coming because you’re like a jackhammer from start to finish.”

When you finally finish, Jaemin’s giggles morph into hollow laughs. Frustration is blatant on your face, pondering if he even absorbed a single word you said.  

After he calms down, he asks, “Are you done?”

You mumble, “Yeah, I think so.”

The two of you switch places. He shuffles onto his feet with his blanket while you sit back on the couch.

Jaemin pulls the blanket across the floor as he ambles. “Okay, your head game is decent—”

“Excuse you, my head game is strong.”

“Uh-uh, rebuttal,” he points out.  

You sigh. Pinching your fingers together, you drag the invisible zipper across your mouth, then wave your hand, allowing him to resume.

“Your head game is decent. You definitely can deepthroat, but—” He mirrors you from before and extends his index finger.

“One: this happened only a few times, but your teeth scraped against my dick, which is why I assumed you were a borderline virgin.”

You fume silently at the accusation, attempting to not speak up with a heap of rebuttals. But he wasn’t wrong—if you teethed on his dick, that’s a classic virgin move.

“But that’s okay, because we already established that you’re just rusty.” Jaemin flashes you a fake comforting smile as he continues to pace. You flash him one back.

“And two—” He holds another finger out. “Don’t be scared to use your hands and stroke me. Give my dick some love. If it’s too wet, just wipe your hands on the bed or something.”

“Okay, duly noted,” you hum. “Next.”

“Don’t be scared to touch me.”

“I touched you so much during—”

He shoots you a glare. You roll your mouth inward, your lips disappearing instantly.

“Your hands were mostly on the sheets, which is hot, but guys like to be felt up too.”

The attractive individual peers up for a second, thinking to himself. “Even hotter when a girl feels herself up during the fucking, but that’s beside the point. Baby steps, just remember to touch the other person.”

Jaemin does a full-stop and faces you.

“And just... don’t fake it.” Distress is evident in his pout. You hate to admit it, but it’s a little cute. He raises an arm and jerks it in the air. “Why do girls fake it?”

“Because guys with egos like you can’t handle criticism,” you reply bluntly.  

“What are we doing, having this conversation, hm?”

“We wouldn’t be having this conversation if it didn’t snow in and keep us here together.” You peel a hand away and gesture to the window. “If I walked out of here this morning, you would’ve just fucked the next girl the same.”

He defends himself, “Faking it just feeds our egos.”

“Yeah, well, if I told you afterwards that I didn’t come, what would you do?”

“Try to make you come in other ways?”

Shaking your head, you scoff. “Guys like you aren’t that considerate.”

“You’re right.” He assents, holding his pointer finger against his chest. “Because guys like me aim to please.”

A brilliant thought leaps in his mind and Jaemin gasps. You can only assume bad things from the wicked smile he sends your way.  

“Why don’t we try it again?”

Perplexed, you squint at him.

“Try what again...?”

“Sex,” he says enthusiastically.

You blankly stare at him.

“You’ve gotta be joking,” you deadpan.

“I mean, there’s nothing else to do and it’ll keep us warm.” 

You continue to stare at him until you groan.

“Oh, my God...” Your blanket droops a bit off your shoulders as you drag your palms across your face. “I cannot believe I’m stuck in this snowstorm with you out of all people...”

Sitting next to you, Jaemin persistently reasons with you. “Think of it also as another learning experience for the future partners we’ll have.”

“Yeah, if we don’t die first!” you shriek.

“We’re not going to die,” Jaemin replies in a mocking tone and a dart of his tongue.  

Outside the window, the snow seems to have slowed down, but not by much.  

God, Jaemin better be fucking right because you want to live to see another day.  

“Fine,” you mutter and match his gaze. “But we have to be vocal throughout the whole thing. Say whatever’s on our mind.”

“Fine,” he agrees to your terms. He produces the same wicked smile again. “But can we film it then? So we can study it after?”

You fire him a death glare that melts his face off, even in the frigid atmosphere.

“I’m joking, I’m joking,” he says, waving his hand.

They say that jokes are half-meant true, but you think Jaemin fully meant it. Still in your blanket jackets, Jaemin snags your free hand and leads you to his room.

“You gotta give me credit for trying, though.”

“No.” You shake your head with an unwilling smile creeping on the edge of your lips. On second thought, maybe the joke was a little funny, but you still stand by your opinion that he’s the most annoying person in the world. “I don’t think I will.”

“Thank God Chenle has so many scented candles...”

On the edge of Jaemin’s bed, huddled by the blanket, you watch him light up several large jars, placing them on his nightstand and desk in hopes to brighten the room. It’s already late afternoon, but one could mistaken it for nighttime with the muddy sky due to the snow.

“Is Chenle your roommate?”

“Yeah,” Jaemin answers with a slight shiver, igniting the last candle near the bedside. He removed his blanket when he went to nab the matches and candles. “His girlfriend gets free ones from work, so she always gives him a shit ton, even though he never uses them.”

With a glowing hue against his face, he blows out the match. He makes his way to you, a cocky grin plastered on him, as he says, “Guess we’re making use of them now, though.”

Before you can even respond, Jaemin gets right down to business—sitting beside you on the mattress, he palms your face and drags you in for a kiss. You softly yelp, but immediately reciprocate.

The cover falls off your body as you reach to touch him, fingers drifting over his solid arms.

You don’t want to stroke his large ego, and maybe it’s because you haven’t had anyone else on you in a while, but Jaemin’s kisses are something else.

The cushiony pair of lips always executes enough pressure against your mouth, increasing and decreasing on command in perfect tandem and timing. His hands hover over your waist and the nape of your neck, fingers sinking into your hot skin.  

His mouth trails downward the side of your neck. You crane your head back, indulging in his caresses as soft moans trickle out.

He gently signals for you to recline back and lay onto the mattress, moving the sea of blankets aside. Inclined on his elbow, almost atop of you, his cool fingers glide under your top layers, his thumb stroking against your stomach.

Pulling away from your body, he tugs on the ends of your clothes. You rise from the bed to better the angle for him to discard of them.

The hairs on your skin are standing on end from the frigid air, but you’re too focused on Jaemin’s mouth migrating over your upper arm and your bra-covered chest to care. Without notice, he stuffs a cup of the bra to one side and takes your bosom into his mouth.

Air’s seized from your lungs and your core contracts from the pleasure. Your fingers tug on Jaemin’s luscious locks and his free hand squeezes your unoccupied breast.    

After a few twirls of his tongue and a gentle drawing of his teeth on the pointed tip, he mumbles hotly into your chest while he thumbs your other nipple, “Foreplay still non-existent?”

“It’s better, I guess,” you sigh with fluttering eyes. His chuckling reverberates against your cleavage, a sign of amusement from your obstinacy. A gasp pierces the room as Jaemin repeats his actions onto the other breast.

He aids you in taking off the rest of your clothes and, obviously aware of your goosebumps and shuddering, tells you to get underneath the blankets while he strips himself.

Under the toasty ocean of layers, despite how both of you are bare-boned and how easy it is to jump into the main act, Jaemin purposefully continues to prolong the foreplay. Side by side, your lips meld endlessly; your legs and hands are intertwined in an amorous pretzel.

Jaemin ensures he doesn’t leave any part of you untouched—the pads of fingers virtually graze over every inch of your body. Each grip and drag of his digits sends you in a frenzy. Your chest is pressed into him and your eyes are blinded with desire.

In the back of your mind, you think about how you were right about foreplay working up to the heat of the moment—literally, because you’re dripping, he’s hard, and you two have embraced so much that you don’t need the blankets anymore.  

On the other hand, you wonder if Jaemin was right about skipping foreplay, because with every whisper of each other’s name, the intimacy rises immensely. You don’t know him, and neither him with you, but you’re both freely drowning in one another in a plane beyond the lust.

Although the room’s beginning to smell of a mix of all the scented candles, Jaemin hones in and drinks in your sweet aroma and your entirety behind his hazy eyes and already tousled hair. All of a sudden, one drag of his fingers over a particular sensitive spot on your body makes you giggle.

“I’m ticklish over there.”

“You mean right—” He drums his fingers over the area again. “—here?”

With a toothy grin, he generates more suffering from you and you begin to lively howl. Soon enough, you beg him to stop.

“You’re such an asshat, c’mon, let me live!”

When he ceases, his head hangs over yours and your gazes connect.

The same feeling blooms in his chest from before in the living room.

He gulps as his eyes waver over your face, unknowingly tracing your beautiful features and etching them into his memory.

Your starry eyes. Your glowing aura. Your everything.

You barely register the change in his expression because he quickly tramples on his moment of weakness by kissing you passionately.

Jaemin whips the blankets aside as he lowers himself between your legs. Your eyes are fixated on him, matching his stare, until he starts to devour you by swiping against your lustrous folds. Your back bows, and, following a few more licks, Jaemin makes a point of his knowledge of the vagina by spreading your lips and ravishing your pussy, tongue penetrating deeply.

Rippled moans release in harmony with your undulating chest. You swear you’re getting more wet, too wet, likely making it overwhelming for Jaemin, but he’s eagerly lapping every drop up.  

“How’s that?” he inquires with a grin, hovering over your trembling nether lips. His mouth is evidently glossy, even under the dim lighting.

“Good,” you pant in the most nonchalant tone you can muster up. “Very good-ahhh—”

Jaemin kindly interrupts you by tonguing your clit as he fingers your sex deeply, shattering your fake indifference.

“Move your tongue up more,” you direct, creasing your eyebrows in despair. He follows your direction, and droning moans ensue.

Jaemin’s immersed in your pleasure, but also adding to his own. The more he laps up your wetness, the more he grinds his length against the bed, aching to be inside of you.

Your desire pulses faster, contracting tighter against his fingers, body winding tensely by the second.

“Fuck, Jaemin,” you whine, leaning your head to one side with a parted mouth. “I’m close.”

He draws back and temporarily replaces his tongue with his thumb.

“Good,” he pants, cocking his head to one side. His eyes are filled with determination. “Because I’m not stopping until you come at least two more times tonight.”

You exhale a light laugh. “That’s ambiti-ohgodohgod—”

His tongue works wonders on your clit once more, so much that he has to brace your bucking hips.

Okay, maybe Jaemin did learn a thing or two and actually listened to what you said during your critique.

But now it’s time to demonstrate to him what you’ve learned.

You don’t need much of a break to catch your breath, nor do you want to immediately freeze due to inactivity, so you pull Jaemin in for an intense kiss, tongue dipping into the remnants of your own nectar, then beckon for him to take your former place on the bed.

Perched on the bottom of your feet, you’re on one side of Jaemin, lackadaisically fisting his prominence. After a few strokes, you gradually swallow his inches, keeping in mind to relax your jaw and to not rush in order to avoid any potential teething. You do this to prove yourself worthy of giving head, but also in spite, because you absolutely do not need Jaemin to brand you a virgin again.  

You read his quiet groans and his long fingers running lazily through your hair as a positive sign and advance further.

Carefully, you rest your tongue beneath the underside of his cock and bob your head, licking him until he’s sopping with your saliva. His grip in your hair grows in strength as his length reaches the end of your throat, his groans becoming more and more drawn-out.

A needy whimper leaves him as you suddenly withdraw. Dribbles of your spit follow, and you wipe it off with the back of your hand.  

“How am I doing?” you glow in a pant, lazily stroking the doused shaft.

He simply nods with half-lidded eyes, barely able to look at you. “Yeah.”

You snicker at him in his breathless position, a prickle of pride running through your spine over the fact that you blew his mind as much as you blew his dick.

“Use your words, Jaemin.”

Teasingly, your fingers curl around his blunt head, soothing the sensitive tip and sending jolts throughout him.

“Fuck—” he pulls his bottom lip upward. “Awesome. You’re doing awesome.”

“Anything to critique?”

“Mm-mm,” he shakes his head restlessly. You revel a bit more in having the upper hand on him a little while longer. You grip him tighter and hasten your speed, leaving him gasping for air.

“Am I still rusty?”

“Nope, nope,” he croaks, voice rising to a whine. “Definitely not rusty.”

“You sure?” His cockiness has transferred over to you.

“Yes, yes—fuck, slow down, please,” Jaemin begs.    

Granting his wish, you abate your rhythm and free his inches from your touch.

You wipe your hands on the sides of the bed while Jaemin rummages through the drawer of his nightstand and hastily rolls over the rubber over himself before he prepares to enter the body beneath his.  

Recalling your advice, Jaemin mindfully starts off slow. You sigh blissfully in sync to his thrusts. He adjust himself, attempting another angle, and you draw in air between your teeth.

“There, there—“

Jaemin’s quick-witted and keeps at it, plunging a bit more vigorously. Out of habit, your hands grasp onto the bedsheets, but you wittingly attach them to his frame. Hands grazing his neck, his firm pecs, and his taut muscles.  

“Touch-touch my stomach,” he orders in a hush.

You hands follow through and feel up the flexed valley of his abs. Feeling up evolves into desperate gripping and even the slight dragging of your nails.

“Your abs are so fucking hot,” you state thoughtlessly, eyes eating up the view alongside his cock disappearing in and out of you. “Jesus, fuck.”

“Yeah?” he rasps with that devilish smirk of his. God, you want to smack it off him, but not right now—not when you’re reaching euphoria. “You’re not just saying that?”

Oh, you’ve definitely stroked his ego now, but there’s no turning back. Truth spills from you on a whim.

“You’re a fucking masterpiece,” you gasp acutely.

You’re starting to wither away, yet, as if they have a life of their own, your hands drift away from him and find a new home atop your breasts.

“You make me feel so good, Jaemin...”

Jaemin’s eyes go wide. His mouth hangs at the lewdness of you touching yourself.

“Fuck, holy shit.”

His gaze doesn’t leave your ecstatic face or humming body for a second as you knead your breasts and tweak your nipples between your fingers. Your back arches further when Jaemin deepens his sweet, fulfilling thrusts. He’s holding himself back, not wanting to end this beautiful deed just yet.

The stimulation bursts over your body, both from your own doing and Jaemin’s.  

You plead, “Faster, please, faster.”

And he complies, but he also rubs your bundle of nerves, causing a tight knot in you to build up and your shallow moans transform into heavy screams. You clasp onto his back and claw at the protruding shoulder blades.  

“I’m-I’m—”

You clench, both with your core and your nails digging into him, but Jaemin’s unrelenting, capturing your second peak for the evening.

Instead of coming after you, he shockingly veers lower and closer to you and curbs his pace.

“Was that real?”

You respond with an exhausted nod. Oddly, the smile he shows this time isn’t arrogant, but warm and teetering the line of tenderness. His lips fuse with yours before they stray towards your neck. The passion stews as he sucks your tits, all the while lunging laxly into you.  

With an obscene pop!, Jaemin removes himself from your nubs.

“Ready for the last round?”

His fast thrusts, hitting you precisely in the best spot, cloud your already weakened logic, deterring you from making any response.    

Perspiration is blatant on both individuals. For him, his forehead glistens gorgeously with his damp hair. For you, the back of your bent knees are gluing together. Your bodies are about to pass out, but you both persevere until the end.

As you convulse and perish together in beautiful agony, coincidentally enough, the bulbs in the room and in the streets leap to radiance.

Together, you collapse onto the bed side by side, panting heavily and laughing.

“Told you we weren’t going to die.”

You turn your head to see Jaemin looking at you with a cheeky grin. In retaliation, you stick your tongue out.

By nighttime, it’s finally stopped snowing outside. However, the streets won’t be cleared until morning, at the very least.

But... you’re surprisingly okay with that.

In a turn of events, the sex inexplicably makes the two of you warm up to each other. There still is targeted banter and tension between you, lingering from before, but it’s less hostile and more playful.

During a fancy Christmas Eve dinner of microwavable pizzas, you poke fun at each other’s majors and discuss your respective hobbies in depth, especially his love for photography. Jaemin even asks if he can take a picture of you, claiming that the kitchen lighting actually looks nice on someone for once.  

“Is that how you collect the memory of your one-night stands? Instead of hanging their skins in your closet, you sweet-talk your way and keep all the photos of them?” you joke, referring to the video call from yesterday night. It feels like an eternity ago, but snowstorms tend to do that.

He chuckles behind the camera as he snaps a photo of you scrunching your face cutely.

“Yeah, but you’re the first one who has clothes on,” he says, glancing down at the photo on the camera roll.  

“Ugh, gross,” you cringe and take a sip of tea.

Jaemin doesn’t add anything further. He leaves out the fact that he never keeps any traces of his one-night stands, that you’re the first girl he’s taken a picture of in a while.  

After a few hours of more talking and even some gaming with one another, sleep is much needed. Jaemin offers an extra toothbrush and a sweater and pair of sweats to sleep in. You’re facing each other on his bed, noses almost touching.  

“It’s been a while since I haven’t had sex with a girl before I slept next to them,” he whispers, adjusting himself comfortably. The side of his face rests on his piled hands. “It’s kinda nice.”

You cover your mouth as you yawn, then lay your hand back under your head, reflecting the same position as Jaemin.

“You know, it might be my sleepiness talking, but maybe you’re not the worst person in the world to be stuck with during a snowstorm.”

A lovely chuckle echoes in your ear. “I’m glad you’ve had a change of heart.”

After a few moments, your eyes are fluttering to a close until he softly calls out your name.

“Hm?” you stir awake, but not by much.

“Do you...?”

Jaemin doesn’t know what’s gotten to him, doesn’t quite understand why the defences he built for so long are crumbling down in only a day of knowing you.  

And yet, something urges him to give it a chance.

Blowing out a shaky sigh, he anxiously intertwines his fingers with yours. You hum softly at the action and a small smile blooms on your face.

“Do you want to go on a date with me sometime?”

“Hm?” His question doesn’t take you aback as much as you would be if you were fully awake. But even in your drowsy state, you have quips in hand. “Jaemin, the notorious fuckboy and serial one-night stander, wants to go on a date?”

“Yeah,” he replies gently, brushing your loose hair out of your face.

Another yawn. “I thought you said you don’t want feelings and relationships and all that shit.”

His fingers trace your pretty jawline and shrugs. “One date doesn’t mean we’re going to be in a relationship, I’m sure you know that.”

You pause for a good two seconds, but the two seconds feel like forever for Jaemin.

“Mmm, fine. One date, just one.” You barely hold up your pointer finger. “And only because it’s Christmas tomorrow. ‘Tis the season to be giving...”

Relief washes over Jaemin in the form of a smile. Embracing the blatant feeling in his chest this time, he plants a light kiss on your nose and wishes you sweet dreams, even though you’ve already fallen soundly asleep.  

Sunlight pours over your eyes on Christmas morning.

Déjà vu peculiarly creeps up on you, but the only thing that’s the same as yesterday is waking up in Jaemin’s bed.

He’s next to you this time, deep in his peaceful slumber, instead of waiting for you to leave by his doorframe. The snow has finally stopped, and you think you hear the faint noises of snow plows outside. You inhale deeply and also notice the faded aroma from all the scented candles from last night.

The scenes of yesterday flicker across your mind. The incredible sex. The talking. The dinner. The interlocking of his fingers with yours.

The date he asked you out on.

You stare at him, watching him sleep with a sense of content.

Turning your body, you routinely check your phone, which is charging beside his. You have a slew of Merry Christmas texts from several chats and a few private messages from your friends.

Your attention falls on Jaemin’s phone when it lights up with a notification, likely texts from his friends and family too.

But that’s not what you’re focusing on.

Your heart sinks at the sight of his lockscreen.

It’s a picture of him and a girl kissing.

A twinge emerges in your chest and twists harder and harder.

Jaemin being a fuckboy, you can respect. People can do whatever they want with their lives.

But to cheat?

That’s unforgivable, and a true sin if there ever was one.

You scramble to dash out of there, careful not to make any noises in fear of waking Jaemin up. However, Jaemin’s sensitive to the sounds of the front door, so he rouses awake. His eyes flit open, noticing how you’re gone. He then sees his phone blowing up and adds two and two together.

With his phone in hand, Jaemin rushes to get on a coat and stuffs his feet into his boots, not giving a shit that he’s wearing his thin pajamas in the coldness. He’s bounding down the flight of stairs and onto the bright, white wonderland of the streets.

He swivels his head and catches sight of you almost past down the block, slowly trekking through the thick snow. Jaemin sprints, as much as he can, and hops towards you.  

He yells your name, making others on the street turn, but you don’t. You continue forward without looking back.

“Wait! I can explain!”

You’re trying to gain speed, but cardio isn’t your friend. Thankfully for Jaemin, it’s a close friend for him.

“I don’t wanna fucking hear it, Jaemin,” you grunt, hearing the rapid crunching of his shoes coming closer. “Get lost.”

“No, listen to me for a second.”

The boyish man grasps you by the arm and turns you around. You throw his arm away from you and he holds his hands in the air, letting you know that he respects your space. He drops his hands and sees that you’re seething, even worse than you were when he kicked you out yesterday.

“How are you going to explain your lockscreen with you kissing your fucking girlfriend?! Hm?”

“Ex,” he pants in clarification. “Ex-girlfriend.”

Your eyebrows mesh together in utter confusion.

“Okay? That doesn’t make me feel any better, knowing that you’re still hung up on your ex.”

Jaemin shakes his head and rakes a hand through his hair. You note the large clouds he exhales and how he’s barely wearing any clothes. A tinge of sympathy passes through you, wanting to give him some of your clothes for extra layers, but you smother that quickly in your state of rage.  

“I’m not hung up on her. Remember you asked me yesterday why I don’t want girls to stay the next morning?”

You cock your head impatiently, as if saying, “Yeah.”

“Well, I don’t want to attach myself to girls. I can’t. I...”

He lowers his head to one side. Shutting his eyes, a long puff emits from his mouth.

“She cheated on me.”

The snow plows in the distance can’t compare to the pumping of your heart in your ears. All the feelings you felt in the last day, but especially in the last fifteen minutes, jumble together in your head, making you feel uneasy and unsure of what to exactly feel or comprehend of the situation.  

But you do know one thing, despite the fact that you two barely know each other, the pained look on his face is real—that this is the untold story behind his ways.  

Jaemin lifts his head and holds out his phone for emphasis. “The lockscreen serves as a constant reminder that dating and feelings will and can fuck me up.”

Carefully, he steps a little closer to you and slowly cups your face in his shaking hands. You don’t pull away nor is there the same anger from moments before, so he daintily runs his thumbs over your cheeks.

“Until you showed me yesterday that maybe I’m willing to give it all another shot. Risk it all for fuck knows what, but you make it look like it’s worth it.”

He continues his ramble after adjusting some of your hair from the ongoing breeze.

“Sure, it’s Christmas today, but I don’t want you to say yes to going on a date with me just because it is. I want you to say yes because maybe you like spending time with me just as much as I like to spend it with you.”

You’re completely disoriented—your eyes are shifting everywhere but his eyes and your lips are quivering with no words coming out. He sighs understandingly. 

“Look, I know you’re probably having second thoughts and you don’t have to give me an answer right now. Think on it for as much time as you need, but I want you to know that I genuinely like you and I want to go on an actual date with you.”

He peels his hand away from your face and raises it into the air as if taking an oath.

“I, Na Jaemin, the notorious fuckboy and serial one-night stander, will devote to monogamy once again if it means I can date you.”

His hands grab yours, kisses the back of them, and then he presses one kiss onto your icy cheek prior to walking away.

“Merry Christmas,” he says with a sad smile. “You know where to find me if you change your mind.”

Later that evening at your large family’s Christmas party, you take another dreadful gulp of your wine.

It’s the happy holiday season, but why does everyone feel the need to stick their nose in your dating life? Well, really, a lack there of.

“Why are you still single?” Layers of their voices resound the same question in your head. You take another swig.

Potential unsaid answers that you kept to yourself fly around as you swish the drink in your glass.  

Because you choose to be.

Okay, not really, but it’s the easiest answer.  

Because you haven’t found the right guy to get you back in the game.

What does that even mean? What makes the right guy even right?

The right guy? It’s someone who makes you laugh, someone who gives as good as they can take it, someone who wants you just as much as you do.

The cogs move in your head as you take one more sip before you finally come to the conclusion—  

Because you didn’t find the right guy until last night.

Despite the mess of today and yesterday morning, you realize that Jaemin is... actually sort of sweet. Annoying, yes, but he keeps you on your toes. It’s a plus that he’s easy on the eyes, but it’s a bigger plus that he’s even easier to talk to.

And if he can find it in his scorched heart to trust you, you can find it in your heart to trust him too.  

You quickly say your good-byes to your family and let them know you have other plans with friends tonight.

As the Uber rolls up to his apartment building, you realize you probably should’ve messaged him on Tinder, but it’s worth a shot to see if he’s home. Anyways, impulsiveness is a controlling entity, as evident from your Christmas Eve Eve’s adventure.

And in retrospect, perhaps Jaemin was the perfect pick of the crop after all.  

Someone’s entering the building and lets you in behind them. You take the stairs two at a time and hear booming music coming from his floor. At first, you assume it’s from other apartments, but it’s all coming from one—his.

Without a thought, your knuckle taps the door.  

A handsome figure that’s definitely not Jaemin opens the door. Behind him, you see a group of young men scattered around the living room, and some have a few girls tucked under their arms.

The man eyes you up and down with a spark in his eye. He’s not Jaemin, but he surely reminds you of him.

“And who might you be?” he asks.

“Who’s at the door, Jeno?” An unknown male voice hollers in a high pitch from the couch. He’s one of the guys with a girl attached to him.

You blink. “Uhm, I’m—”

“She’s with me!” Jaemin shoves the flirty stranger aside and tugs you by your wrist, making headway to his bedroom. He flips the light switch on and the door clicks shut.

“What are you doing h—”

You cut him off with a kiss.

An innocent one, at first, with hints of alcohol on each other’s lips. Your arms wrap around the other and the passion increases with the mingling of your tongues, each party tasting and confirming the specific drinks you both consumed tonight.  

Jaemin forces himself to pull away and presses his forehead against yours. “Did you just come all the way here to kiss me, or...?”

“Maybe I came over to ask... if I can stay with you for another night?” you playfully ask, fingers intertwining behind the nape of his neck.  

He chuckles heartily. His fingers sink into the sides of your waist. “Is my dick that great? The sex with me that amazing?”

“Mmm, that’s definitely a benefit,” you agree, fluttering your nose against his. “But I want more than that—“ You poke a finger to his chest. “—I want the man behind the dick.”

Your gazes converge, bringing you together as one.

“I want to go on that date with you. I want you, Jaemin.”

He flashes a megawatt smile that could compete with a million Christmas lights, but it fades suddenly and you’re unsure why he seems like he’s about to bawl his eyes out.

“That’s so beautiful, I might cry.” He brings a finger to his eye, pretending to shed a tear.

Oh, yeah—you’re definitely going to need to hire someone to constantly shove your eyeballs back into your sockets if you’re going to date Jaemin.

“Oh, shut up,” you whisper, yanking him in for another kiss.

Three dates later, including a memorable New Year’s Eve, you finally decide to rid of the Tinder app for good.

With his arm around you on his living room couch, Jaemin glances over your shoulder.

“Really? You’re finally deleting your Tinder?”

You snort in disbelief. “That’s gold, coming from the King of Tinder himself. When did you delete?”

He turns to face the television and shrugs coolly.

“Maybe I didn’t.”

“Wouldn’t put it past you,” you nod, eyes still on your phone.

“Nah, I’m kidding, I did.”    

You sharply turn your head.

“No way. When?” you press with narrow eyes.  

A shy smile emerges on Jaemin’s face as he picks his pants over his thighs.

“On the night of Christmas Eve, after you agreed to go on a date with me.”

[chelleztjs18]

First, how are you today? I hope you have a good day so that you can answer this message without making us start animosity or problem

Secondly, I appreciate your answer, as you understand what I said, but I am afraid that we are on opposite sides here ، I was a former writer myself and my message is not directed at you What I meant by attacking or I will not follow you and I will not recommend you to anyone else (I am not a hostile person the most I can do is say that you are neglectful to your followers)

Thirdly, there is a certain category of authors, I mean they are not busy or who have jobs, etc. I did not mean that some of them log in and publish things and write other requests, and I am like Did you not receive my order or is there something wrong???So I wait weeks and it really pisses me off

I'm ready to wait years, not just months, that's okay, I may understand your situation, but the simplest thing you can do is tell me that at least you'll write it down, or tell me you can't.

Don't make me look stupid, just tell me, that's all I ask I'd be glad if my letter angered at least some of the authors (the intended category) who'd start moving their asses and work on their requests.

have a great day sweetheart

-🌿

I was okay until i read ur ask.

Oh no, anon. I never start problem. The only one who started problem was u.

I will put a pict or link from your previous ask just in case some people missed it from yesterday that you started all this.

So u came to my inbox, n ranted a paragraph about how u r running out of patience or what u think about authors and u act like u weren't the one that started the problem?

How do u expect me to react at what u said yesterday? u said that it wasnt directed to me but u literally show up out of the blue saying all that stuff. Directed to me or not, I don't like what u said, I am an author and i have a lot of other author friends n of course I wasnt gonna stay quite about it.

yes, we r totally on the opposite on this. I'm on the author sides and u sound like one ungrateful bossy follower who r upset because us authors dont write ur requests or dont notify u.

The fact that u r a former writer, it makes u sound a lot worse. U should've understand or even know better that it's not easy to write fics, write requests, all while trying to continue things on ur life.

u say that u r not a hostile person, but telling us that we r neglectful to our followers sounds pretty mentally hostile. u hv no rights to tell that to us. No offense to my lovely n sweet followers, but we owe nobody anything.

most of us write for ourself but we gladly want to share it with other n like i said, taking request from them is one of our way to appreciate them n interact with them. I write to help myself from drowning in my depression but im grateful that people like my writing enough to even send requests n i appreciate every single one of them.

u don't know how our lives is or how our days are so u have no right to judge saying that we r lazy or whatever u wanna say. I dont have a job, i'm a full time mom n it still hard to find time to write.

it's our blog n we can do whatever we want. we can NOT notify u whether we will write ur request or not. like i said, u r on anon, how r we gonna notify u where we dont even know who u r.

I don't reply or notify if im gonna write a request or not because i try not to put people hopes up if i say im gonna write it but i end up dont write it, I dont notify or answer the request until i actually post the requested fic because i like to keep the request in my inbox so i can keep it in track.

we have the right to pick n choose what we r going to write.

n you know what? the way u call ur request to some author as ur "order", i hate it because u r not our boss or leader or king or whatever who order us what to write or when or tell us what to do.

n u have the audicity to say this "I'd be glad if my letter angered at least some of the authors (the intended category) who'd start moving their asses and work on their requests." ? why don't u move ur ass out of my blog and stop sending me entitled demanding narcisstic ask.

"Dont make me look stupid.." no, anon, we didnt make u look stupid. U, urself who make u look stupid by acting like this.

How dare u to come to my blog talking shit n trying to guilt trip me, making it seems im the hostile one or cause problem.

I am asking u nicely to leave my blog n u r more than welcomed to unfollow me or im gonna block u.

P.S: yes u angered us authors n no, it wont make us writing ur request if u act like this.

[myork]

manny's one year + milestone celebration ♡

i’ve never really been big on celebrating anything, even on my prev blog (jimeanour) i never really celebrated any milestones, even the big ones. so i feel like this has been due for a while <3 and i also realised that i completed one year on here from when i started posting my poetry to writing ff and leaving that altogether and settling for creating visual content. whatever it was that made me stay, im glad, because tumblr has become such a huge part of my everyday life. and despite how constantly engaging on a platform online makes me feel drained, stressed and anxious every once in a while, i’m still glad i have this outlet. and you♡ now here’s how i’ve decided to celebrate-

Here are my rules/ categories ♡

‧₊˚ ☆ enter request here 💌 ☆‧₊˚

now for the mutual(s) appreciation ♡ if you’re tagged, there’s a message for you! happy scrolling 🤡🤡these are things ive been wanting to say for a long time okay

@jimilter miss ashible i need to tell u how grateful i am for your support because you truly make me feel so comfortable and safe and appreciated. you’re such a gem and anyone who doesn’t believe it is LYIN!!!!!! truly one of the best people here ☹️💞ily so much thank you for being so annoying ☹️💗

@gukqi nhi i love you. thats it. thats the post. jokes aside im so grateful to have u as my internet husband you’re so talented and sweet and amazing and ilysm you’re so supportive and sometimes i just wanna run over to u to germany🥺💘 you’re truly one of my lifelines here and you make me want to open tumblr even when im discouraged to ☹️💗

@jeongcake tell i love you so much, you’re one of the best things thats ever happened to me and im so grateful to have u. we really do understand each other on a deeper scale and for that im grateful because i never have to hide from you ☹️💞from our jokes to our rare serious talks, im so happy to have u ily 🥺💞

@seokljin emma angel agenda. thats it. you’re literally like the most supportive person ive ever known how do u do it? how can all of that pixie fairy dust fit inside one angel of a human being? i feel like every time i post something esp jin related im like has emma seen this? and then i turn into a shy blushy school girl uwu. anyways if u haven’t translated it all yet- ily ☹️💗 and im so grateful for you.

@jeonqquk ivy my bby™️ you’re seriously such a whore gem ☹️💗ilysm and im so happy i have you. you’re part of my support system here and im so happy i can count on you. you’re really such a fun person. pls believe your gifs are amazing or ill punch u🥰 (dont u dare say kinky)

@joyfulhopelox maria my fav internet mother idk when you’ll see this but know that i love you and im always here for you 💗 thank you for always being there for me, youre truly such an angel. you’re so so amazing and rmr when i used to joke about you being not real? yeah, good times. sending lots of love to you and nugget and always hoping you’re okay💗💘

@usertae the bestest stella to ever exist 💀💀im kidding, i mean the sweetest, warmest, most welcoming person ever. ily celia you’re so nice and helpful and you were one of my first ever giffing mutuals even when i used to post complete trash💀idk what you saw then but just know that im grateful to have you as my mutual for so long and that you really raised in my standards in mutuals 💀🥺💗💘

@parkdatjimin MINDY BESTEST PERSON!! there, i said it 😤 ilysm and your tags JUST *squeals* *clenches fist* make my day ☹️you’re so supportive and im truly lucky to know you 💞💘💕💗

@still-with-koo lilo you call me a sweetheart when you're the biggest one there is ily☹️💖 you're so so sweet and warm and nice and just such a comfort person, im so glad we're mutuals ☹️💖💕

@itsallaboutzayn ESME SWEETEST PERSON AGENDA 😤im not even kidding, you’re so nice and supportive and i love all your asks, you always have so much love to give to people and i can only hope it’s returned tenfold because you deserve it 💕💘💕

@pjmsdior isa wifey i love you so much, you truly are one of the purest souls here and seeing u in my notifs or in my inbox makes so happy ☹️💗 ilyilyilyily

@dokyeomblr elv best elv favourite elv agenda!!!! you’re the nicest sweetest warmest person to exist and seeing u in my inbox or on my dash makes me light up like a christmas tree ☹️💗ily elvie

@jung-koook im so happy im finally getting the chance to say this, but i admire you so much sky. your dedication is commendable and everything you make is always in top tier quality and on top of all that you are so helpful and kind and i rmr getting a heart attack when you followed me 💀im so so grateful for all your help please know that💗💗

@taeyungie i know we just started talking but em, you’ve made me feel so warm and safe and i just, i feel like i could be myself with you. you’re so understanding and you love animals ☹️ the older grandma sister i didn’t know i needed, tho bullying you about it is more fun 🤡💗

@kimtaegis why so nice!!!!!!! hm?????? WHY 👏 SO 👏NICE????? jokes aside, i lurched off my bed when i saw the notification of a certain userkimtaegis-main following me one fine afternoon, and in true disney movie fashion, my life has never been the same. im just kidding ( or am i?🤨) but anyways annie you are so sO SO talented and everything you make is so pretty from coloring to quality everything. i admire you so so much and im so grateful to have you as a mutual 🥺💞💘

@marvelousbangtan sookies mom i hope i spelt that right😭 crystal ilysm your tags on my posts always make me so happy and your gifs are stunning and on top of all that youre so so so nice :(((((((((((💘💞💘im so happy we're mutuals :(

@gimbapchefs idk when you’ll see this 😭😭 nat *calls for a manhunt* but im so glad im mutuals with you ☹️you’re such a fun person, unproblematic person and i love interacting with you so much. im still so so grateful for the ptd in seoul stream, you gave me such an amazing opportunity and i’ll probably always be grateful for it and never ever forget it 💗i hope you’re doing well, hope to see you on my dash soon with your amazing gifs. imy ☹️💗

@jiminswn you’re really gonna make me repeat my giffing classes agenda huh 😔 jokes aside, miss alice im a fangirl. there i said it ☹️ you have the prettiest 16k ultra hd gifs and your colouring is gorgeous 😭😭ive been following u for so long, even before i started giffing and sometimes even now i wonder how u do it 🥺💗 any time i see u in my notifs, i get butterflies okay? ☹️💞

@min-boongie apart from being so pretty inside out *sobs* you're so nice reka and so so helpful. i meant what i said all those days ago, i look up to your content so much, your colouring is always so beautiful☹️💗💞💞💘

@heybaetae i was so scared to do this but miss kelli apart from your content that is prettiest in all the land with all the pretty colours and the highest quality sharpening, i feel like i actually screamed like a fangirl when you followed me back, more so when you rbed a set of mine with “#TALENT” yeah, im gonna get that laminated 😔

@rkivedfiles miss erl i love your gifs so much and your coloring is just so pretty and distinct i feel like i can recognise it from a mile away💗im so happy im mutuals with you :( you’re so nice and i still go back to look at that jimin set you made me ☹️💗

@hannahbee12719 miss hannah i think you’re literally nicest person ever😭 your tags make me feel so warm and appreciated and im so so grateful that im mutuals with you. i love and respect you so much 🥺☹️💗💘💕🥺

@hobeah flo ik you must be a little confused because we’ve interacted but also not too much but you HAVE to know how much i love your gifs. truly top tier content with the prettiest colouring and the quality just blows my mind even on the app 🥺💗

@userjiminie i had to tag you okay? i love love love your gifs so much miss rafa and you’re also so talented like esp your pinned post 😭 how do u do it☹️💗seeing your tags on my posts just makes my day okay? and you saying u like my content made me sob for 17 miniutes 😔🤧💕

@minieggukie apart from being the jikook™️ blog on here, miss kris i tagged u because i wanted you to know that you just have a very pretty coloring style okay? 🥺💕it just so soft and pretty and you even manage to gif lq videos so well 🤧 we don’t interact but pls know that i love your gifs so so much and i actually squealed when u followed me back *sniffs*

@sugajimin i tagged you because i wanted you to know that you have amazing gifs and your a-z with jimin is my fav thing on this hellsite 😭 and even your gfx are amazing!! you’re really so so talented, the quality of your gifs just makes me gasp sometimes, thank you for following me back 😭💞

@rosebowl miss sharika you just seem like a very cool person okay? your gifs are really really pretty and i just love looking at your 100days of seokjin series ☹️i hope you’ve been well 🤧💕

@kth1 miss maggie i know we don’t interact much but i needed u to know that i really really love your gifs <3 your coloring is vv pretty and your gifs are always in such high quality ☹️🥺💗

@sopev we’ve never interacted that much but miss daphne i tagged you to let you know that 1) idk how many times i’ve opened your blog to stare at your header 2) your gifs are stunning. stunning. period. they’re so colourful and so hq ☹️💕💘

@taechnological miss sae you’re just very cool okay? there i said it 😔 but apart from being so funny and cool i think you’re just a really great person to interact with and i absolutely love all your threads, your dedication is so so appreciated ☹️💗💕

@textsfrombangtan how does it feel to be the funniest, most iconic person on this hellsite? 😔 you have to know that i love your tags so much 🤧 and i sometimes stalk all your posts because your memes just make me really happy okay? ☹️ily hope you’re taking care of your (iconic) self 💗 or else 😤💪

@jinv my tag for you is coloring genius valeinstein💀 and rightfully so because miss val your coloring is truly something else, i got a bit dizzy when u started following me because ive been admiring you and your (amazing) content from afar for so long ☹️🥺💞💕

@cherryvmin kheer my darling, the absolute queen of moodboards i miss interacting with you but you have to know that i love your content so much and you’re really just so so nice and warm it melts my heart ☹️💗💘💕

@jiminie-and-his-pinky-finger nani my bb how are you 🥺💗i hope you’re doing okay. i tagged u to know that i love you and im so happy to be mutuals with you for so long 💗💘 anytime we interact, it fills me with so much warmth because you’re truly such a sweetheart ☹️💗

@jimijimimie pristine my darling imy okay? ily☹️💘 you’re so so talented and your tags on my posts just muah 💋 i hope you’ve been well, just know that im always here for you 💗💗

@tekootine val my baby i hope you’re okay ily so so much 💗☹️ you’re a total sweetheart whos so talented and im so happy whenever we interact because seeing you in my inbox brings the biggest smile on my face 💘💞 you’re just very precious okay? 🥺😭💕

@softbobamilktae zee i hope you know how much i appreciate you. we’ve been mutuals for quite a while now and i hope you know im so grateful for your support esp during that time in my dms 💗 you’re also so relatable in your tps omg 😳💞

@introlxv onyx bb we haven’t talked properly in so long but i just want to tell u that i love and appreciate you so much 💗☹️youre so fucking talented and amazing and im so happy i know you 💗💕💞pls never forget that 🥺💗

@moonsclover ahana my adopted bb ilysm and you're truly such a sweetheart i love love love your moodboards so much and anytime i see you in my inbox, it just brightens up my day by x323239💘💗💕

@fluffyydumplings fluffy i know we’ve completely stopped interacting but pls know that im so happy we’re still mutuals and that you’re so so talented and your voice oml is beautiful(i just remembered your narration(?) for that one fic). i hope you’ve been well 💗

@vopegist kyo dough i love u. thanks for coming to my ted talk. im just kidding, ik we haven’t talked in a while but just know that ily and am always here for you titty 💀☹️💗🥺

@rkivian miss kiri you’re such a fun person and im so glad we’ve been mutuals for so long ☹️ you really stole my heart when u dmed me all those months ago hskdjsks besides everything, i really love it when you tag me in games okay? makes me feel connected to you even tho its been so long since we interacted ☹️💗

@parkjiminxfloor jans idk when you’ll see this bb but know that ily and im forever grateful for your support🥺💞thank you for all your sweet asks and tags, they always make my day 💗💗you’re amazing 💫

@alpacaseok star we just became mutuals but know that i really appreciate you and you’re just really a very sweet, supportive person 🥺💞

@thornedswan ik we’ve barely interacted but pls know im always so so grateful for you reblogging my gifs 💗

@cosyserendipity sonjaaa you’re so so sweet and i think i already told you this but im always so so grateful for your reblogs 🥺💗 and that the fact that you tag me in games, i love those!💘💗💞

@crispy-chan jas my absolute darling favourite baby ever 🥺💗i love you so so much and i miss you and our conversations a lot ☹️💗 youre such an amazing person and on top of all that you’re literally so talented and sweet. i hope you’re taking care of your precious self (hows apple 💀💗) miss you and love you tons pls know that i tagged u last so that u could find yourself amongst all these bts blogs 😭

[dootdootwriting]

CONGRATS FOR 600+!!! I SAW UR EVENT SO IF I HAVE THE CHANCE, IM TAKING IT

The whole alphabet for Thoma. (Gn reader)

PLEASE dont overwork yourself though. You dont have to do it all if youre tired or something. Thank you and congrats!

600+ writing event

ty for ur request anon!! also you're funny. overwork myself? how could i possibly do that when i'm already avoiding all of my schoolwork? entire alphabet for thoma coming right up! (under the cut for length)

fluff alphabet with thoma; gn reader; no warnings apply

A-Activities (what do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?)

- thoma enjoys pretty much any type of shared activities with you, but ultimately his favorite kind is any that involves food. he'll go on tours of inazuma city with you to find the best places to get ice cream, or he'll buy a whole bunch of food and see what kind of dishes you can make together! nine times out of ten it ends up being really weird and a little gross, but it's fun and he loves spending time with you.

B-Beauty (what do they admire about their s/o? what do they think is beautiful about them?)

- he admires your ambition, your humor, and your own personal flair. he loves the person you are, and almost everything that goes into that, but he specifically loves the unique little traits that make you you.

C-Comfort (how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?)

- his first instinct is to give you a big hug or rub your back, but only if he knows you're okay with it and that it would actually help. his first goal is to make sure you're okay, and then his second goal is to cheer you up: with bad jokes and kisses, usually

D-Dreams (how do they picture the future with their s/o?)

- thoma isn't super picky with how you two end up in the future, as long as you're together and happy. he wants to grow old with you, ideally, though however you do that will decide itself.

E-Equal (are they the dominant one in the relationship or rather passive?)

- thoma is used to taking the lead in your relationship, but he's not necessarily more dominant or anything - he's just excited to be with you and wants to make sure you're just as happy as he is. your relationship is pretty balanced!

F-Fun (what do they do for fun with their s/o? what's their idea of a fun day out?)

- he loves loves loves going out on walks, especially in the city, and just finding random things that seem fun to do. there are a bunch of people playing cornhole over there, how about you guys join in for a game? they're selling a new kind of hotpot at that restaurant, better give it a try!

G-Gratitude (how grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?)

- he's definitely aware of everything you do for him, and he's also very grateful that you're with him. he makes sure to let you know that every day.

H-Honesty (do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?)

- i think the only time thoma would ever keep something from you on purpose is if it would be somehow dangerous for you to know. other than that, he likes to make sure you're aware of everything you need to be. he likes his privacy like anyone else, but he also values communication.

I-Inspiration (did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?)

- being with you hasn't necessarily changed him (aside from the fact that you two are almost always seen together now) but it's definitely improved his mood a lot, not that it was ever really bad. he also likes to show off more now that you're around...

J-Jealousy (do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?)

- thoma gets jealous relatively easily but is also not one to step in unless it's a situation in which you seem uncomfortable. he trusts you wholeheartedly, which sometimes means he has to keep himself from getting overly worried.

K-Kisses (are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?).

- he's a very good kisser. thoma's kisses are playful and sweet, or alternatively full of reassurance and love. your first kiss was a little rushed and he was a little nervous (not that he'd ever admit that) but he knew it was the right time.

L-Love confession (how would they confess to their s/o?)

- confesses accidentally while watching you do something that's actually pretty normal. you tap him on the shoulder and ask where he wants to go for lunch and he just kinda stares at you and then says "man i love you" and you're like. what. but he plays it off like he TOTALLY MEANT to say that and definitely didn't slip up.

M-Mornings (what's it like waking up with them? do they sleep late or wake up before the sun rises?)

- lazy lazy lazy. thoma knows he has to go to work but why would he do that when you're next to him all curled up into him? he can't just abandon you like that! fortunately the kamisatos are very forgiving, so when he shows up late they don't give him an earful.

N-Nicknames (what do they call their s/o?)

- babe/baby, sunshine, and occasionally sweetheart but usually just to tease you

O-On cloud nine (what are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?)

- when thoma first realizes he's in love with you it hits him like a truck and he has to sit down for a second to process it. after that he hangs around you a lot more often, and it's pretty obvious to anyone watching that he's in love.

P-PDA (how are they with PDA? is it fun to them or are they more reserved with their affection?)

- thoma's comfortable with pda and likes to tease you with it sometimes, unless you're someone who absolutely hates it, in which case he'll settle with handholding. otherwise, he'll give you random light kisses on the cheek or will grab you and pull you into him at random points throughout the day.

Q-Quirk (some random thing they do when they're with you for no reason in particular)

- his nose scrunches when he's trying not to laugh at you, which makes you laugh at him, which makes him laugh at you. congratulations! you have achieved pile of laughter.

R-Romance (how romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?)

- thoma is very romantic and also values friendship with his partner as well. he's sort of a mix between cliché and creative - while he will definitely take you out for a fancy dinner and lend you his jacket, he will also take you out to the lake and push you in or make a date out of who can spot the most dogs on a day out.

S-Support (are they helping their s/o achieve their goals do they believe in them?)

- one hundred percent he believes in you and will do his best to help you achieve any goals you have. ok thats the end of this headcanon i have nothing else to say GHCCN

T-Thrill (do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship or do they prefer certain routine?)

- thoma loves trying new things! he doesn't need things to change constantly (and also that might be very tiring for him) but he does like to switch things up a little.

U-Understanding (how good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?)

- forgot to change it from "good" to "well." WHOOPS. anyway

- thoma is very empathetic, so he's quick to understand how you're feeling, though it'll take him a little longer to understand why it is you're feeling like that. once you explain to him, he knows just what to do, whether it be celebrate with you on a big win or comfort you or give you some space.

V-Value (how important is the relationship to them? What is its worth in comparison to other things in their life?)

- it's SO important to him. having you in his life is one of the most important things to him. he's also been with the kamisatos for a really long time though, so thoma will need a little bit to sort out where his priorities are. rest assured that you're definitely up there.

W-Wild card (a random fluff headcanon?)

- thoma really likes the feeling of you running your fingers through his hair. bonus points if you wash it for him (he'll return the favor)

X-XOXO (Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?)

- if you're ever available for affection, thoma will take advantage of it. he loves being close to you and generally just the feeling of loving and being loved in return, especially when that incorporates physical affection. listen he just really likes being kissed.

Y- Yearning (how will they cope when they are missing their partner?)

- when you're gone thoma will surround himself with things that remind him of you. he'll also occasionally call your name or say things to you absentmindedly before remembering you're not there at present. poor guy... he'll be very happy once you're home.

Z-Zeal (are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?)

- it depends on the lengths. the worst case scenario for thoma would be if he somehow had to choose between you and his work - that would terrify him, even though there's no way it would ever happen. other than that, since you're way up on his priority list, there's not much that he wouldn't do for you.

[jinnyu]

regarding romance!

╒══════════════════╕

Used artwork credits

Hop

Bede

Leon

Raihan

╘══════════════════╛

———☆️

Hop🍀

It started as the cliché love story about falling in love with your very own bestfriend

Which, actually turned out great??

His Zacian/Zamazenta loves you as much as it's trainer does, and is willing to protect you from anything

Probably because it observed Hop being protective over you, and proceeding to do the same

Sure it might took a toll on him when you defeated him on the championship semi-finals, but he wanted you to be happy more than anything

He's such a sweetheart even if he doesn't show it much

The type to appreciate small little things, especially when it comes from you

"Let's camp together!!"

You camped together

He got chased by a wild steelix whilst trying to gather data for his research later

His Zamazenta/Zacian was busy playing with your own legendary

*from the distance* "GAH! HELP!"

You ran after him and calmed down the wild steelix

Then you walked to him and checked if he got any wounds or scratches, which leads you to cupping his face gently with a worried look on your face

Hop's blushing

He's freaking out inside

You didn't notice the tint of blush dusting his cheeks,which gradually reddens with each second that passes

"im okay, dont worry" he tried his best reassuring you

Even though he's blushing, he proceeded to press his forehead gently against yours, closing his eyes and smiling

oh no he's cute

You're blushing

haha blushy reader

You let him do his thing, its somewhat calming

He's warmm

His hands are calloused, different from yours; you just remembered this when he placed his hand on top of yours while you were checking for his wounds from before

This just shows how much he's been working off to reach the champion title

And yet he's completely alright with you taking the spotlight

After all, you're his shining star

And he wouldn't have it in any other way

You let him borrow your champion cape

And he lets you borrow his labcoat

It fits just right with you! And it got his scent, which calms you down whenever you're feeling anxious

When you wear his labcoat, you're 1000000000% irresistible to his eyes

"Don't be so adorableee" he said as he pulled you into a hug and burying his face in your neck

You only laughed softly at his reaction. He was blushing too,,,

You often waited for him to finish his lab work, even if it's until late hours

He's a really hard worker, no wonder he stayed until late

"Im sorry for making you wait"

He looks exhausted, but tried his best to pull a bright smile, not wanting to worry you

You only gave him a warm hug, which surprised him at first before he hugs you back and proceed to walk you to your house

💓💓💓 < your heart

Comfort time

There's usually some jerks who'd tease you for being the champion, or flirt with you in an impolite way

If Hop caught on to this, he would politely ask them to leave

If they still dont understand, his legendary comes out of his pokeball and growl at them

He'd ask them one more time to stop bothering you, but this time, with a menacing smile that says "stay here any longer and you wont get to see another daylight"

Then he'd check up on you, asking if you're alright, if they did anything to you or whatnot

Hed wrap his arms around your waist and drape his labcoat over you, because he knows his labcoat always manages to calm you down

"It's okay, you're okay, everything is alright now, c'mere"

You let him hug you as you feel safe around him, and you two stayed in that position until you feel alright again

💕💕

———☆️

Bede🍰

He's not the best at showing affection but at least he tries

You help him come out with quizzes for his gym challenge

And sometimes joke about the poses he makes when practicing

Sometimes, he gets reminded that you're the champion of Galar and he's way out of your trainer level

Which actually motivates him to become the strongest gym leader there is by pushing past his limits

"I'll show you how strong fairy types can be"

He said to himself as he was thinking about you

People kept misunderstanding fairy types after all, and thats a big mistake

You appreciate his efforts in maxing out his strength, and you show it by coming to his fairy stadium whenever he battles a challenger

You texted him "good luck, I'll be cheering 4 u!❤️❤️👍" before his matches start

And you looked at his direction after sending the message

He has just gotten your message, and opened it

Which leads to him blushing furiously as he covers his face with one of his hands

He took a deep breath and tried to regain his composure, only to fail miserably when he saw you looking at his direction with pure ambition and determined eyes as you grinned happily

All that i could say is, he's red as a beet

He wont lose this match, not when you're watching him.

He puts extra effort when you're watching his match, and made sure not to slip up. It'd be embarrassing if he did.

Opal notices this and only smiled seeing her successor acting out of his place whenever you're around

Opal knows something that you dont, and that's Bede's feelings for you

After his match ended, his Hatterene walked towards your direction, pulling you into a tight hug

You were surprised, but apparently Hatterene has grown to like you ever since she first met you

And when you look at Bede's direction, he was looking away with his arms crossed infront of his chest, visibly drowning in embarassment

,,,you wondered, is Bede projecting on his Hatterene or what,

Yes, yes he is

So you asked him if he also wants a hug, which of course he answered with "Why would i want a hug from someone like you? That'd be an insult to me"

You let go of Hatterene and hugged him anyways

He flinched when you hugged him, not knowing where to put his hands and just let them stay still in a defensive pose

Hatterene watched with a smile from behind you, seeing her master in such a flustered state was truly something new for the Pokemon

Not long after, Bede finally let his arms wrap around your waist, giving in to his subconscious and just hug you

he wanted to hug you anyways so thats a win win situation

You were actually surprised when he hugged you back

He smells nice!! Like perfume?? Cologne?? Floral scent

His Hatterene decided to join in and wrapped her arm around you both, making you all hug even more tightly

Bede cant handle this well.

No, not at all.

His face was really red and its hot— in all honesty, its cute, but he was burning

"Why do you have to embarrass me like this?"

You buried your face in his neck, which startled him as he couldn't think at all

"Y-you!!"

He feels nice and soft, so you're not planning to let go any sooner, likewise with Hatterene.

Bede's mind: ASDFGHJKL????—GODDAMMI—

OKAY NOW COMFORT TIME

His true nature would come out when you're not feeling yourself or when people would makw you feel like shit

"Hey.."

His face shows concern, but it still his usual look of coldness— however, his actions are warm despite his cold features

He'd let you wear his coat as he battles anyone who dared to hurt you

"Are you alright now..?"

He cupped your face and made you look at his face, swiping off the tears that stained your face with his thumbs delicately

He hated seeing you cry, and he'll try better next time to make sure you didn't cry

———☆️

Leon🌟

He's kind at all but sometimes he's just... "???????"

Training!! Dates!!

More like battle tower dates because he really admires your strength as a champion

Occasionally, he'd visit your house and check up on you, wondering if you're free for the day for "quality time"

At first, he was surprised to see one of the legendaries answering the door for you

And he couldn't resist to ruffle it's hair

your legendary on the other hand was kind of irritated by it

So it let out a displeased howl

Which leads you to come down stairs and see who is it

"L—leon?"

He looked up and greet you with a goofy grin as your legendary returned to your side, walking with you

He treats you like a gentleman, and sometimes is very strict with your training regimen

In which you usually whine about because you're the current champion and you have no business listening to him

But he'd swoon you with lovely words

And you would easily fall for it

you hate this

You hate him

No you dont

You love him, you could never hate a goofball like him anyways

Hey did i ever mention Leon's sense of direction is shitty

You went on a date in Wyndon a couple of times and he still gets lost everytime

"Ah!! Hey—....."

"Im lost again aren't i?"

He tried to find his way back to you but got surrounded by paparazzis

Even if he's not the current champion

You saved his butt since he couldn't say no to the people and his fans

He said thank you and hugged you, lifting you up to the air before pulling you close to him

This only made you laugh softly as you hugged him back, letting your fingers comb his thick lavender like hair

His body is warm and comforting, you really like his cuddles and hugs

He came into your house one time when you didn't answer his calls or messages, only to find you drown in your anxiety and self loathing

He pulled you in his arms and let you cry on his shoulder until you're all done and alright again

He'd draw circles over your back and tell you reassuring words— tell you that you're more than enough and he's grateful to have you here, alive and well

Your Zacian/Zamazenta got out of it's pokeball and helped you in calming you down too by giving you small licks on your knee

It'd whine whenever you're sad and climb onto your bed, nudging your arm afterwards as if it's asking what's wrong

You're lucky to have them both whenever you need them the most, and they're lucky to have you

———☆️

Raihan 🐲

It's finally the Character y'all been waitin for, dragon boi coming through

Okay serious talk here— Raihan is TALL

His hoodies makes you look smaller than you already are

You tried copying his "Gaooo~" pose a couple of times while wearing his hoodie

Its cutest thing he has ever seen his entire life

It makes him melt everytime

Okay aside from that, he's gentle and laid back, even if his personality is quite the opposite when he's on battle

He's cLINGY ASF

Don't forget his fangs, never forget his fangs

You're actually curious about his fangs since the first day you saw him

And he lets you touch it whenever you like

Youre still curious, because what the hell, its so cool

The first day you saw him after defeating him in a match and gain your gym badge, he immediately took an interest in you and your strength

"Hey Challenger!"

He called you before you tried to take your leave, gaining your attention

He then asked you if you want to practice with him next time, and have a rematch when you've become the champion

You agreed and exchanged numbers

What can i say, he spams you like?????? A lot

And casually sends you pictures of him and his duraludon

You love his dragons, especially flygon

Flygon loves you too, and one time it wanted to come with you

Raihan lets you keep his Flygon and you send him pictures of you with it

He sends emotes of duraludon crying, wanting to join you and your fun trip with Flygon to grab the Champion title

After you took the Champion title, Raihan greeted you with a big hug

And you hug him back with no hesitation

"Congratulations, may i have a selfie with the new Champion?"

He asked in a teasing manner, letting you down on your feet as you nodded

You took a selfie selfwith him numerous times before he posted it to his social media

He captioned 'First person to get a selfie with the new Champion'

He took pride in that, and some of his fans were jealous that you managed to get a selfie with him

From that day onwards, he'd have casual selfies with you, sometimes hilarious one and sometimes its just for showing off

You didn't mind it really, he's a celebrity anyways, so you understand why he does that

"Hey.. do stars have feelings"

It was three am what the fuck Raihan

You squinted at your screen seeing his message

"Why in the Galar would you be awake, dear Dragon tamer?"

You answered him

And immediately he answered "oh? The Champion is awake?"

You guys didn't sleep afterwards and was sending streaks of blurry selfies

It was fun and helped you cheer up

You got some of his blurry pics that he captioned "party rock in the house" when clearly its just him and his pokemons

What a goofball pt.2

You love him anyways shut up

Haha smol reader pt.2

[jennyyyeeettt]

stuff i learned more on the internet than irl

get a drink

you are unique, you are a part of the universe.

don't change, unless it's for the better and it makes you feel good

real friends care about you

what you need is more important than what you want

you write your own story, don't let others decide for you

there's no shame in being who you truely are, whoever doesn't respect that doesn't deserve your time

be proud of the little things you did bec. 5% is better than 0%

nothing lasts forever, so choose to "seize the day"//carpe diem boys//

if you are not where you are try to get there with plans and imaginatioins

imagine ur best self and show up as them

nothing is wrong with you, you are loved. bec there are many people in the world u didn't meet. and there's no way you are not someone's type

you are not ugly, u r just bored of ur face bec u see it everyday since you've been born and u hearedthe comments on it

stay nice or quiet, everyone has their battles

no mattar how much u think you are fucked up rn, months later things will change and u will forget about it

grief doesnt go away with time, time just teaches us to "deal with it"

just bec it doesn't hurt anyone, doesn't mean it's ok

karma is real, she just takes time and sometimes works secretly

romantic love isn't more important than platonic love

just bec someone is doing it, does't mean you HAVE to

if the story doesn't fit you, change something about it

being "private" is not the same as being "secretive" in relationships

before jumping to conclusions, ask and discuss, -with a good, none threatening tone-

love changes a person, even if it's not quickly

not being productive doesn't mean being worthless

being in a slump is not being lazy

everyone is an addict to something

treat yourself like you would a child every now and then and be a better parent to yourself

you are gorgeous anyways, so don't care what others say

if you fail, try again! it does't define you, it's not a part of u, it's like a game.. when a game says "game over" you just reply it

labels are so overrated, don't stress about it.. u do u

distance is a bitch, unless its distancing from toxic ppl and behaviours

love is not selfish love is understanding and comprimizing

saying i love you is not dangerous when its used with the right people

words of affermation ACTUALLY IS IMPORTANT

a "hopeless case" is never "hopeless"

the person they called "useless", made someone's day and helped them through a tough life

life is short, take risks, tell the people that you love how much they mean to you. no time for being fake.

idk if i already said that but fake it till u make it fr fr bro

push yourself bec no one else will, but also be kind to yourself -very difficult balance- IF you read all that, i hope you at least saw a thing that was helpful, I learned them literally from the internet (friends and communities and all) and I've been doing that for the past 2 years and they work with me, i didnt realize them at first but being a bit of a self critic i realized these stuff, even people now started to point it out. me and one of my fav internet bsff realized how we changed over the years and talking to their mom she also noticed it and its just so great to see how we both affected eachother and encouraged eachother to be better ... nothing is better than to find a home in yourslef .. doesnt mean it doesnt get tough sometimes, doesnt mean that i dont struggle with anything, but we are all humans, overall all we do is change and grow and its either to the best or not, it gets hard, but good relationships fixes the broken parts over time .. im so grateful for my family aka my internet besties :3 its 5 30 am and i need to sleep .. got a bit emotional lol :') hope yall have a good day/night take care

[inknopewetrust]

i read ur post. im so sorry that life hasn’t been treating u as well as u deserve and im sorry that tumblr isnt as kind of a place as one would imagine. as a reader myself, i think i found it very hard to understand why a lot of writers were complaining about not getting enough reblogs? and hear me out, i really dont want to offend anyone. but i didnt get it. ive had a tumblr for +10 years now, and ive only just now found myself on the “fan fic side” of it. and idk, i think i was very naïve to think that “oh well but getting 5 reblogs must be as good as anything?? like 5 people liking it enough to reblog it is insane??” but then i put up my own fic about a week ago i think?? and i got like 60 notes?? which i still think is a good amount, but it also very much put be in a place of “oh well maybe im just not a good writer or creative enough” so much so that im not sure ill ever release something again??

i didnt mean for this to get this long, but yeah idk what im trying to say with this?? im sorry for being naïve and not getting others feelings and idk i kind of hope that it will give u the tiniest bit of consolence as to why people seem a bit lazy sometimes?? that it is more out of not understanding rather than that they do not appreciate ur work?? and also this was not to say that i didnt understand why u have to reblog to support, but more of a “readers may not always understand that 5 reblogs for something u used 1 month on writing isnt always enough”

im not sure if my message is clear?? nonetheless i just wanted to say that im very much in love with everything u write and still reread all ur work from time to time. im so happy i stumbled upon ur tumblr bc its helped me greatly on days where i needed it. take a break as long as u want, and even if u dont want to come back - just know that u have blessed us with so amazing stories that will be my faves till the end of time. i can very much see ur dreams of screenwriting coming true!! take care of urself and im so sorry that this turned so long??

- e 💖

Don’t apologize! I’ve been on here for about 8 years and didn’t get it at first either. It’s a learning experience for sure. I think a lot about the notes on fics also depend on the fandom.

Im very lucky and grateful for all the love and I don’t mean that to come off snotty or bitchy in anyway—it’s just very easy to compare yourself to other writers and see their success as perfect and yours as less than.

And I don’t think it’s necessarily a reader problem, but a content problem. We consume so much and don’t realize there are people on the other side. People looking for support and validation that isn’t always given. And I’ve been a silent reader before and regret it so much. But I’ve been trying to remedy that with fic recs and my own reblogs.

Thank you so much. I am certain something will spark interest in the future—heck, maybe it will be a show coming out soon or a movie in the next month. You never know, right?

[eroticcannibal]

tbh getting labeled as gifted in primary school resulted in everybody assuming to this day that i just Get Everything Instantly and nobody actually helping me even though it turns out my developmental disability is actually pretty severely disabling at everything that isn't playing math board games to win esteem for the school board and even though i ended up in special ed as soon as i was like a grade higher than that everyone in my family still just Doesn't Look At my deficits in cognitive processing even when they're blatantly obvious so i can get behind that, lol

Oh mood

Like I guess I'm "lucky" in that there's a lot I get instantly but I still lack like. Basic skills. Like I had to drop out of uni cus sure I understand the material but I just fundamentally do not understand what they are asking of me. My mum basically cheated me through coursework GCSEs cus she knew I knew everything but I just. I just don't understand coursework. I dont get it. I also do not know how to learn if I do not get something immediately. I do not know what they want. I can barely prepare food. I cannot clean (tho I can organise like a beast). I cannot manage money. I cannot organise and keep appointments. I cannot even do jobs that are """simple""" enough to not require qualifications and I cannot get the qualifications to do what im capable of. I can sound eloquent enough online and with scripts and I can get through casual conversation but anything else makes my brain fucking freeze. Full on blue screen.

But apparently I've always just been lazy or difficult or uncooperative or attention seeking because I'm CLEVER cus I independently worked out scientific theories at a stupid young age (cus its fucking obvious keep up scientists) and read every book I could get my hands on and spent my school time in primary playing teacher to the other kids so I'd have something to do. Cus apparently thats all totally normal behaviour.

I am just so grateful my mum turned down all the "amazing opportunities" I was offered because 1. Jesus that would have gone so much worse. That was around the time hothousing related suicides were becoming common knowledge also she kinda went through the same to a lesser degree and 2. Can u imagine if id have to have gone to school with fucking future tory MPs

BUT. ON THE OTHER HAND. Glad I learned the hard way cus I sure as shit go fucking feral if anyone even STARTS with the "oh arent you notably intelligent" at the child. Like no, praise its effort and fucking passion and then shut the entire fuck up thank you.

[normal-thoughts-official]

I.t.a (Identity thief anon)

I thought I had replied (if I did and you just hadn't post it it's 1000% fine ahshs)

I love Elliott so much!! And his crush is so cute (but also looking at the bigger picture is hilarious that I killed his would be father in law lmao) also awfullest thing pixelberry did was making me choose if I wanted to be his legal guardian or if I wanted him to be emancipated only to not have to do any of them since, you know, our grandpa was still alive...

Also I thought about it way too much for a choice (with no actual impact) in a game ahshshshhs, emotionally wise I'd have wanted to be his legal guardian but I think it'd make more sense (legally) emancipation because he would still get government help but there wouldn't be a risk of someone taking him away of in case I wasn't a successful guardian, and he could apply for scholarships more easily while I worked or something lmao I was just excited in that part.

I know there are some books in which you can be poly but the only I remember was moty (mother of the year) which was a better than expected book (to be fair I didn't goof have expectations) and in that one I started to date the three love interests <3

How far along are you in endless summer, who are you romancing, what do you think of the classmates + lila and what do you think about the story in general 👀

u hadnt replied!!!! hi i missed you!!

i didnt know u could be polyam in moty! i might try it out then, i never gave it a shot cuz i hate the idea of having kids 😬 but anything for rep i guess

and YEAH I KNOW DIDNDIDNDO i love elliot so much and him and robbie are SO cute together but damn his in law straight up tried to kill us huh. like robbie deserves better than bobert or whatever his name is and im glad to have killed him but

also okay im in the middle of the second book idnfidndidndo around the part where the arachnids show up for jake. my opinions so far are kind of messy but uhhh

grace and raj are my faves, hands down. craig is a close second

i like almost everyone except for jake because hes just military propaganda in a trenchcoat with that annoying wahh im too conflicted to care about anyone white boy complex, and aleister because he was a dick to grace. idc how much he simps for her now she deserves better than him. and Quinn is kind of whatever. like her whole personality is uwu and its kind of annoying but i dont hate her or anything

the story is such a fucking mess?? udndidn i have NO CLUE whats going on 😩 if they manage to make everything make sense by the end ill be REALLY impressed cuz damn wtf is going on

im romancing sean!!!!!! what can i say, i have a type and that type is self sacrificial idiot. he has a heart of gold and he deserves better and aaaa 😭😭 u idiot man stop putting ur life in danger as the instinctual reaction BLEASE. i just want to wrap him in a blanket and make him take care of himself for once

i also like estela a lot but im not really that interested in romancing her ig? i enjoy our moments together but my feelings for her are more casual ig

i rlly want to like lila but i cannot stand her simping for discount tony stark my god. please lord just make it end

i rlly like everyone's dynamics???? its so nice to see how the group has been growing together more and more. i love them ❤️

i LOVE the vaanti. every last one of them. my beloveds. if they tried to kill us it's cuz theyre valid

varyyn and diego are the greatest couple this game has ever given me i am SO grateful for them. i just got to their first kiss and aaaaaa it was so sweet. upset at choices for not giving me art of their kiss when i had to watch aleister and grace's but 😩 its fine im fine. holding onto hope that ill get art of them eventually but i dont want to look it up and risk spoiling myself

i actually like craig and zahra as a couple a lot too which i didnt expect. i still dont fully understand what happened between them but i really hope they work it out :(

on that note i love zahra. anticapitalist queen. cant believe she fucking hacked wall street. id die for this woman even tho she wasted tiramisu

tbh i dont wanna get off the island. like what for? to go to college? when i could stay with the cool vaanti culture and be happy and not have to worry about capitalism and have sick ass tattoos? lets just kill tony stark and stay there besties

really like how they made the MC's past a mystery? like yeah we have absolutely zero past and backstory as per usual but this time it actually is an integral part of the story that we dont know that we were born in la huerta or basically anything about ourselves truly (even tong stinky didn't so like?). and it was nice to see that being a part of the story rather than just this weird feeling of detachment from the MC

the MC is so stupid and i love him

sean and craig are gay for each other. michelle and quinn are gay for each other. i diagnose everyone with gay

i literally dont have a single theory as to what the hell is going on like not one. and i have gotten almost every clue/idol/file but like i literally have no idea how to tie all of this together. this is such a mess didndkdndkdndidn im kind of excited to see what happens because ES seems to be so popular in the fandom i can only imagine the plot is gonna blow my mind, but im kind of afraid of being disappointed

and thats all ive got so far i think? udndidjd god

[knullanon]

So if it's not to much to ask can I get yan platonic ra's, Talia, and still in the league of assassin's damian #56.

# my beloved as well

-🌹

at first when i saw the song i did not get vibes at all but then i listened to it and i was like bro i got an idea. thank u. also these are still open so if yall got anything to send in... pls do im bored. this is literally making me write more than i ever have written. idk why it just does.

xanny - billie eilish

you really hated the smell of smoke. you didn’t know why- you never knew anyone who smoked, you never had any bad experiences with it, but you just hated the smell. you never knew why but it just irritated you to no end. 

anyway, that wasn’t why you were here in the strange part of your town. you were here to hang out with your new friend, damian, he had said his name was. funny enough, he used to hate you, and actually tried to attack you when you both first met. he thought you were another smoker in the area. 

however, he soon found out you were running from some school bully. you were a teenager, and yet, your short ass couldn’t do shit to a 6″ tall guy. which is why damian scared him off, by kicking in his teeth. you saw the damage the next day at school: he wasn’t gonna bother you again.

and that’s how your friendship started.

at first, it was rocky. he only saw you every other day, and it was usually a very cold interaction every time. and then you brought him some leftover food. and he scarfed it down. for a guy with the moves of an assassin, he really was thin. when you asked, he simply said he didn’t have enough money to get food. so, every time you met, you would give him food. 

he was almost grateful every time as well. then he started to get closer, and closer, and well, that’s how you ended up keeping a secret about him murdering some random guy.

of course, you hadn’t meant to see him do it, you were just too early. way too early. you had wanted to surprise him at the top of the building where the two of you met, and so you had gone and spent your money to get a batch of those really good pastries and little snacks from the liquor store. as you were walking past the stairs, you had to cover your nose from the open dumpster that you usually passed. it smelled worse than usual.

which is... strange. usually it was closed. damian said the people living around the area hated it when it was open, which was understandable. and then, while you were walking past it, you had the sudden feeling to get out of the way. so you quickened your steps.

only to hear something crunch right to the ground.

when you looked down, you saw blood running away from you, from the back of your heels to your toes. and it was still flowing. turning around, you saw a dead man that had seemingly fallen from the sky. you looked up only to see-

is that fucking damian?

you didn’t even try to see whatever else was there, you just kept on running. unfortunately, you didn’t see how much blood had gotten onto your shoes. bloody footprints weren’t easy to clean, of course, but they were extremely easy to track.

~~~~

you didn’t stop until you got home. fortunately, your things were in your backpack since you had brought more than usual. looking into the living room, you saw alcohol and beer bottles strewn about in the living room.

at least they didn’t hear you coming home.

you walked up to your room and closed the door quietly before beginning to remove your coat. you tried to think that what you saw was just a joke, was just something your mind made up out of paranoia, and for a minute, you thought it was true.

and then you took off your shoes. still bloody.

fuck.

you slowly turned to look at the ground, and fortunately, there wasn’t any blood. it must’ve all gotten on the sidewalk-

oh wait. the dead man falling from the roof actually happened. 

and was it really damian who threw it?

you weren’t feeling as good as you thought you would be.

you stopped thinking when you heard you phone chime. oh shit, damian!

you rushed over and opened the text only to see that yes, it was damian who had texted you

Hey, I’ve been waiting for a while for you here. Where are you?

well now you really feel like a piece of shit. stupid paranoia. making you ruin your friendships.

omg im so sorry!! its just been a long day, and i forgot to tell you im not feeling too well. i dont think i’ll be able to make it.

while you did feel like a shithead for doing this, you really didn’t want to have to explain why you didn’t feel ok going outside. and the blood on your shoes did not help anything.

Are you ok? Do you need me to come over?

you were about to say ok, but then you remembered your parents were downstairs. not a good thing to have with friends over.

i wish. my parents are downstairs and they aren’t welcoming of guests, and ur also a boy. no offense, but i would get my ass handed to me.

you were about to shut off your phone when the door started to knock. getting up off your bed, you wandered over to see who it was, since your parents definitely weren’t the kinds of people you wanted to see standing at the door, when you heard the door bust down.

“_____, what the fuck are you doing-”

nothing else made you want to jump outside the window and run. however, you saw damian already in your room. 

“damian! what the fuck, dude!”

you tried to rush to the window, but he blocked your escape. “dude, what are you doing? we have to go!”

he shifted uncomfortably, and said, “sorry, _____, but both my grandfather and my mother wanted to meet you.”

“I- bitch, you have parents?!” turning around, you saw a tall man in your doorway. he almost reached the top of it.

he gave a small nod, to you or Damian you didn’t know. “Hello, _____ I have been told much about you.”

There was a woman standing behind him, and suddenly she walked towards you with something in her hand.

“We hope you will like your new home.”

[aphrodite1288]

Not Quick disclaimer 💃

If any of y'all might be wondering...

I don't ruin Kaisoo's personal life...

I just..uhm..they want us all to know. 💁🏻‍♀️

And let me tell yall something.. Everyone in Korea knows of kadi even their haters...it's just us internationals who don't know shit. So I was just putting y'all on the board so that u won't look or feel like Delulus. It's sorry funny how everyone knows everything n y'all's look like shit all Stoopid in oblivion.

Everyone knows of kadi in Korea, Japan n China especially Hongkong n Tokyo Eksol.

So? Im just letting y'all know what everyone knows???

It's not like Kaisoo themselves or their supporters are trying to be low-key or anything..I mean Ji is an open book n ppl know everything.

And what I'm sharing with y'all is NOT A SECRET🤦🏻‍♀️ or that I'm invading their privacies...it's something THAT EVERYONE KNOWS...it's only US INTERNATIONALS who DON'T KNOW.

So no I'm just telling OLD things abt Kadi that Everyone Knows Of n Y'all Don't. And that Kadi themselves know everyone know abt them.

Guys Kaisoo n EunHae n Yunjae couples are huge in Korea n Japan😂 Chanbaek too!

And Why am I sharing things up so openly without being scared to invade their privacy or getting attacked by sasaengs or insiders??

👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻

Korean Kaisooists are wilding in Twitter n Naver yallz have to go n take look to know that it's totally fine to share old stuff. They even share new stuff abt kadi. 🤦🏻‍♀️

It's bcuz wut I'm telling yall is something they got over it in Korea n Japan..old news that everyone knows of. So they won't care if I share anything also I'm a small account who cares?

Also Ksoo's brother is so famous in Soul he n his father are business men who own factories n everyone knows them.. his Bro has his own sites in which he shares things..he meets people n eksolz n Kaisooists everyday in his Jobs Hahahahhahaha Everyone knows Ksoo's family. They're not secretive. His mother has a her own business n everyone goes to visit her let's not say her profession..his father too is a business man that everyone knows. It's not a secret! Ksoo's family are famous cuz they're all business men n women!

I'm just reporting y'all what EVERYONE knows n YALL DON'T. I don't wanna post pics or screenshots cuz that would be the real privacy invasion.

But as long as I'm just blabbering who can sue me? I didn't post anything/any evidence such as pics (even if I have them but I won't) cuz that would be the real privacy invasion.

But since I'm not posting any pics or evidence why do y'all have to even believe me??

So please I know wut I'm doing I don't want anyone telling me what to do..cuz the last thing I would do is to harm my faves. 💁🏻‍♀️

Dude y'all beg for Tea n evidence but when u FINALLY GET IT.. y'all go all playing the mature n wanting to protect ur oppas like "NO BUT YOU'RE INVADING THEIR PRIVACY N EXPOSING THEM n THAT WOULD HURT THEM!" but you still enjoy the Tea.

And if anyone has a question come ask me don't go asking others and if u have something you feel uncomfortable with in my posts come n tell me I'm a cool person yall I DON'T BITE. Let's be a family n let's not bring e/o down.

Now I understand why no one tells y'all a thing..cuz y'all THRIVE for CONFIRMATION n VALIDATION of Kaisoo...but when u Get the Tea y'all ain't grateful instead u attack n play the MATURE OVERPROTECTIVE FAN who wants to PROTECc her Oppaball costs n Be acting up as "the MATURE LET'S NOT INVADE MY OPPA'S PRIVACY" FAN.

Now I know why KOREANS n ASIAN EKSOL in general DONT TELL US ANYTHING ABT THE EKSOZ. Cuz they see us childish n Stoopid enough not to tell us. Now I know why. Too bad we bring e/o down when we should be one.