#im so happy with the loafers i found

[pixelglam]

comfy and casual, a lookbook by Amelie

hair | earrings | bag | sweater | jeans | loafers hair | earrings | bag | top | sweater accessory dl link deleted | jeans | bracelets | loafers hair | sunglasses | sweater | fanny pack | shorts hair | jewelry | jacket with top | leather leggings

sneakers are from the incheon arrivals kit

credit to @arethabee @joliebean @aharris00britney

[mimikyuno]

trans representation: my hopes and fears about mizuki5 🏳️‍⚧️

im writing this post so that i can keep a record of all of my current thoughts on the upcoming n25 event, which im fairly certain will come soon (september?). i just. i have a lot of thoughts on this topic and i wanna share them before the event drops.

disclaimer: i am tme, and while i am not cis, i am not transfem.

depiction of transfeminine characters in anime has been quite… how do i even put this into words. trans women are depicted as either a joke, or as an “otokonoko” which for brevity’s sake let’s translate to femboy (i highly recommend on reading on the history of the term though). the trope of “tr*ps” was quite common, and used for comedic effects. i think of ruka from steins;gate, who is clearly a trans woman; she has dysphoria, asks okabe to go back in time so she can be born biologically female etc. yet, her womanhood is never taken seriously. “she’s a dude after all.”

i have already written a small post about the history of the “otokonoko” label and the way trans women consistently get third gendered in the anime scene so i won’t repeat myself. the thing is, many transfem characters i have seen in anime are either uncracked eggs or, when out, are often not taken seriously by the rest of the cast. a lot of transfem characters i know of fall in between being an uncracked egg and being out; these would be the very many “girly boys” who identify as male, while living their lives as women and being happy about passing, while people around them who know about their agab either treat them as men or third-gender them. for example, kuranosuke from kuragehime stays an egg throughout the series. as i mentioned in a previous post, i see makoto from the currently airing senpai wa otokonoko as a closeted trans girl struggling with internalised transphobia. she has dysphoria, is happier and feels like her “real self” when presenting as a girl, displays gender euphoria when she passes, and more. narratively, she is coded as a girl. i havent read the manga, but i know the author drops the ball, and makoto never gets to come out in the series.

i can only think of a handful of trans women who are both out AND are taken seriously within the narrative. for example hana from tokyo godfathers, nao-chan from skip and loafer, or isabella from paradise kiss (iirc). though i have not watched these anime, i know that lily from zombieland saga, alluka from hxh, seiko from lovely complex and shuuichi from wandering son also tick both the “out of the closet” and “taken seriously” categories.

the situation is slightly different in manga. in manga, i have always found more trans representation (both transmasc and transfem). however, before we move on to mizuki, i really want to talk about one of my favourite mangas, namely “love me for who i am”, aka fukaboku (anime adaptation when ;-;). this manga revolves around mogumo, a non binary teen who is struggling to make friends. their classmate, a cis boy, mistakes mogumo for an otokonoko, and invites them to work at the crossdressing cafe that his sister (a trans woman) owns. mogumo is initially upset; they are not a girly boy, they are non binary. mogumo is reassured that the cafe is a place for people to be who they are, and they dont have to identify as an otokonoko to work there. this strikes a nerve with mei, one of the kids working there, who is a closeted trans girl. throughout the manga, these characters all come to be more and more unapologetically themselves. lgbt themes are addressed constantly (they even go to a pride parade!!) and the trans women depicted in this manga are some of the best written ones i have come across. because they are actually acknowledged as women.

the reason why i want to talk about fukaboku before discussing mizuki, is that the 4 kids who work at the cafe cover the spectrum of “crossdressing boys” we usually see in anime, though taking it a step further with mogumo and mei. firstly we have ten-chan. he mostly identifies as a boy. he likes anime and manga and cosplaying, he’s into girls (but also hinted to bi maybe? i need to reread this), and he’s an adorable weirdo. to him, dressing as a girl in the cafe is fun, clothes have no gender to him. then there is sou, who is gay and also identifies with his agab. sou has a boyfriend, and the cafe is the only place where he gets to gush about him and feel accepted. he likes cute clothes but always dresses masculinely outside the cafe. then there’s mogumo. as mentioned, mogumo is non binary. they like cute things, so they sometimes like feminine clothes like the maid uniform they wear at the cafe, but they actually prefer a cute androgynous style (they often wear shorts instead of skirts). lastly, mei (my fave, my daughter, light of my life). at the beginning of the manga, mei is a closeted trans girl. initially, she resents mogumo for rejecting the “girly boy” (otokonko) label that she thought she had to embrace to survive and be who she is. thanks to mogumo’s courage, and the guidance of two older trans women (one of which is the owner of the cafe and the other is her friend, who works in fashion), she finds a more stable sense of herself, and canonically and textually identifies as a girl.

AND NOW, onto mizuki. first things first, i see her as a trans girl. her struggle with her identity, the way she presents, her history of bullying, dysphoria (the covered mirrored), and depression (in middle school, before transitioning), visual metaphors (all the pink and blue symbols, i should make a post about this tbh) all hint at her being trans. i really dont think mizuki is an otokonoko; typically, in anime narrative, when there is an otokonoko, the fact is revealed early on, and the struggles are about being accepted as a boy who dresses like a girl or as a funny gag (tr*p). tbh, i think it wouldnt make sense for mizuki to be an otokono. if she were, her main struggle would be to accept that she wants to dress as a girl. once accepted, the arc should be resolved. and she wouldn’t be scared to say “hey im a boy” when people assume she’s a girl. especially with niigo? they met online when she was still pre-transition, if she was an otokonoko it would have made more sense if niigo thought she was a boy, and then irl saw that she looks like a girl and THAT would have been the obstacle. but that is not the case with mizuki. she is happy in people assuming she is a girl, and is terrified of being outed. that is not in line with the trope of otonoko. in fukaboku, we have two characters who are Actually “girly boys”, ten-chan and sou, and neither are like mizuki at all. they dont present femininely with their family nor at school. mizuki is way more similar to mei, when it comes to gender presentation and identity. characters who are similar to mizuki from other media and who dont identify as girls all share the same trait: they are commonly regarded as eggs.

my hope for mizuki5, is that she gets to come out as trans to ena and the rest of niigo. mizuki being confirmed trans, indirectly or not, would make the most narrative sense, looking at her story, imagery, and the build-up for the reveal. and while i desperately hope this is the case, i am overwhelmed by fear. times are changing in the anime scene, and we got canonically gay and trans characters in similar games (the lesbian couple in d4dj or the trans girl in enstars). however, project sekai is massive in japan, and quite renowned internationally too. and that comes with expectations and pressures. when gundam witch from mercury finished airing, bandai namco had to issue a statement that the relationship between miorine and suletta was “up to interpretation”, despite the fact that the two literally get married. gundam is also a huge franchise, and bandai namco chose to issue a statement that would give them plausible deniability. not only is project sekai huge, but as i previously mentioned, representation of transfeminine characters overwhelmingly labels them as an otokonoko. i think the label of “otokonoko” is very useful when it comes to plausible deniability in media; u can see this character as a closeted trans girl, or as a crossdressing boy. you pleased the transgenders, and you pleased the transphobes. expect, u didnt please us. im gonna say it, i hate the crossdressing boy trope in animanga. in most instances, it’s a way to deny the character their identity, and in others, it’s treated as a means (willingly or not) to perpetrate violent and harmful transmisogynistic jokes and stereotypes. tho i will admit, i love a lot of “otokonoko” characters, tho for my mental health i tend to view as transfem nb or just trans women.

project sekai, with the massive reach it has, has the opportunity to give its audience a canonically transfem character. a character who is a fan favorite, whose story has, so far, been handled with so much love, kindness and understanding. mizuki could become the new standard, she could change the way transfem characters are portrayed in mainstream animanga for real. i know we have to let go of the expectations that queer characters have to verbally and explicitly state their identity for them to be taken seriously by the audience but fr i hope this will be the case for this event. i dont think most people would get it otherwise, and will just keep seeing mizuki as an otokonoko. which is in itself sad; being cishet is such a default, that gay and/or characters who never explicitly come out are either misunderstood or seen as a sign of “queerbaiting” (dont get me started on yuribaiting and how insane some of y’all are calling a show with gay women “yuribait” if they dont kiss or say “I AM A HOMOSEXUAL WOMAN).

mizuki’s and ena’s VAs told us to please be kind and understand the characters in preparation for the upcoming event. i hope they go for it. i really, really do. this could for real be a huge game changer in the industry. i see how project sekai keeps inspiring other shows and games (i should make a post about this too lol), so i hope mizuki won’t be third gendered, or shoved into the otokonoko label. i hope she gets to be herself. a girl. and be accepted as one by ena and the rest of niigo. it could be huge. or it could be a flop. no in between. which is why im both excited and terrified of this event. SEGA pls-

[mikasuxxx]

MW2 Random Headcanons part 2

this one includes graves and price

Graves

this man is definitely floridian

like he was a beach boy, like he has old pictures from when he was a teen with a tan

He's southern, and so is his family

They're the epitome of white people, but they're actually pretty nice people

like if you're Graves' girl spending the holidays at his family's place they'll beg you to eat with them and say its no trouble

Truly the southern hospital is strong with his family

He used to go miami and pick up girls from the club, and just have one night stands with them.

He has an older brother who's a professional poker player/gambler

and you can tell because of the big gold chain and the tommy bahama shirts and loafers he always wears (even when its cold he'll still wear them)

He also lives in vegas

He tries to flirt with you but Phillip shuts that down real quick

Phillip used to play baseball in high school, and his girlfriend at the time loved watching him play (but really she just liked how his ass looked in his uniform pants)

His brother played football for a bit

Surprisingly, Phillip was at the top of his class in high school. And he got a car for his graduation gift. a red 1967 chevy impala

that car was his pride and joy

You cant tell me that he wasnt a frat boy in college

Constantly picks up sorority girls in his car, and invites them to his dorm to fuck

Even girls who weren't sororities; atheltes, shy girls, even his professors (but that was when he was like a junior and senior, and he did it because his grades sucked and he was desperate)

What makes him different from other frat boys, is that he takes no for an answer. like hes flirting with you and and you say no he'll back off, no questions asked

He still has friends from college

Okay now to the sad shit: he constantly gets compared to his older brother. mostly by his dad (his mom is a sweetheart and loves both of her sons equally)

His older brother wasnt good at school, was an alcoholic, dropped out of college, the only thing that makes him better in their father's eyes is that he played football, and he's found a way to become rich

Phillip was good at school and sports, won prom king, went to college, had a degree and a decent job and yet that still wasnt enough to please his dad

His dad is...an old fashioned dude. like if phillip has a daughter and he sees him playing with her, he'll call him a pussy

Or even if he has a son and he even so much as hugs him, his dad will also bicker and bitch about him "acting like a mom"

Phillip still goes to family events but avoids talking to his dad as much as possible, or if he's forced too he'll just try to end the conversation

His uncles are alright, somehow. Like they're funny, but not in a misogynistic way. they're still kinda ignorant in their own way tho

His mom is a very good cook. like she actually uses seasoning and stuff (and of course his dad bitches and whines about it)

She wanted a third kid because she was hoping for a daughter, but the dad said he didnt wanna push their luck because he didnt want a girl, so they just stopped at 2 kids

Price

Jokingly calls Gaz his son. gaz is happy about it honestly

He loves kids. like when he had kids he was literally the happiest man alive

Yes, this man is a certified dilf

He has twin girls, both of which he loves to death and will die for them

He's always been able to tell whos who. Hes learned every detail about each one of them

Sometimes they try to gaslight him by switching identities but hes way too smart for that

Twin 1(pretending to be twin 2): "hey dad, can i have some candy?"

"You're [Twin 1], youve already had a ton of candy today"

Twin 1: "..no im [Twin 2] and i havent eaten any candy today"

"You're not fooling me [Twin 1]"

Twin 1: "damn..."

Has a small silver heart locket with their picture in it. he wears it all the time under his uniform

After missions he'll bring them gifts when he comes back from wherever said mission took place

One of them is really jealous and fussy, the other is chill and cuddly

like when they were babies/toddlers she'll screech if she sees Price giving her sister even an inkling of attention

when they were babies, sometimes price would be found on the ground in the living room sleeping with his daughters sleeping in his arms

as babies they would always tug at his mustache

would both freak out if he even so much as trimmed it

[elysia-nsimp]

Tagging: @queerlordsimon @thesunshineriptide @aetherphobia @end3rm1st @ladyzsgolla (lemme know if you wanna be tagged)

Hiiii this is a long one because. Yknow we say a lot of weird shit.

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 6

Uhhh CW: cursing, joking mockery, threats of violence (all joking I prommy!!), sexual innuendos

——

Idia: YOU CALL THIS A NETHER FORTRESS? IT'S MORE LIKE A NETHER APARTMENT

——

Lilia: I want to sit in the fire chair and I want to touch the disease book

——

Floyd: Btw I got some candy you want some 🍬🍭

Azul: Did you check for blades?

Floyd: yeah

Floyd: no blades but I found this 🥄

Azul: Is that a spoon???

Azul: Who puts spoons in candy??

Floyd: cool people with vans apparently

——

Cater: My illness is that I like men

——

Floyd: I will break ur spine with my love

——

Sebek: All of my family members got the talent of art but I didn't.

Silver: I dunno, that was a pretty good dog you drew earlier

Sebek: Oh come on, don't even go there, you know better

——

Ace: the opposite of formaldehyde is casualdejekyll

Deuce:

Ace:

Cater:

Deuce: get out

——

Jade: Eyes are kinda like Jewels. which Is why I like to collect them :)

——

Leona: I'm way too stoned to go into the danger zone

——

Floyd: Loafers, loafers, loafers, loafers. . I have an eye for loafers

Azul: I can tell

Floyd:

Azul:

Floyd: loafers-

——

Ortho: That's why I got the party sized bag of Doritos

Azul: Idia is his own party.

Ortho: He is his own party

Azul: Do you just bring the party with you where you go?

Idia, deadpanned: that sounds draining.

——

Crewel: The Overhead Sun is when the sun is overhead. DO YOU HEAR ME? T H E O V E R H E A D S U N I S W H E N T H E S U N I S O V E R H E A D.

——

Ruggie: but what if I want to eat the hunger

——

Lilia: Dead sucks. Just ask, well, nobody because they're dead

Lilia: haha, dad jokes

——

Ruggie: I'm so hungry I could eat my own hunger :))))

——

Savanaclaw Student B: what's a single kid gonna do?

Yuu: a lot, actually. i plan to take over the world, catch all the legendary Pokemon, overthrow the champion, and whoop your ass

——

Lilia: Okay Malleus, what did we learn about awakening the ancient ones?

——

Idia: I will not accept Sans' banana.

Idia: WAIT THAT SOUNDED BAD

——

Ace: When I die I want to be baked into a chocolate cake alive

——

Floyd: We have that psychic connection, we're just built different

Jade: …yeah

——

Lilia: What if Bigfoot takes off his fursuit before making fudge

Trey: I don't think Bigfoot making fudge naked will make me want to buy it more

Lilia: Who said he was naked????

Trey: He took off his fursuit!

Lilia: People usually wear clothing under their fursuit?? Like underclothing??

Trey: Still don't think I want bigfoot making my fudge

Lilia: I love that we're skipping past the fact that I am insinuating that bigfoot is a furry

Trey: Ehh…

——

Lilia: Consider this: Bigfoot is just Mr. Clean's fursona

Jade: I could see that– the psychology in that-

Jade: Being so obsessed with cleanliness that you revert to the total opposite, living in the woods; the wild, being one with the dirt. .

Lilia:

Jade: Hey look at these nice shoes!

——

Grim: Imagine waking up in a strange new world and looking inside the bag that was given to you upon waking up only to fucking find human ears

——

Jade: I would never threaten a moose. An elk on the other hand, I'd fuck it up.

——

Floyd: Heyy, you want some candy? They're good. A dollap something, a Squirmy... ooh! And this one's my favourite! It's from the floor

——

Floyd: Now THOSE were some slurpy tentacle sounds

——

LilIa: aaAAAUSGHHHSHHHHHHHNNNNNNGgggGerrrrrrr. . . That's what creativity sounds like, trust me

——

Idia: I don't know if I should say 'Im happy to inform you' or 'I regret to inform you,' but I must inform you that I'm back in my fnaf phase

——

Ruggie: head empty. only primal instincts. and shiny things.

——

Ruggie: I am here only for picking flowers and shiny gems

——

Azul: And now. . ... . when I look in this chest. .. I will see all of my treasures.. .. ..

——

Azul, chasing a rooster: Sir? SIR! Sir do you have time to talk about extending your car's warranty??

——

Floyd: Ok I'm done being angsty now.

Floyd: I will now be *horny-*

——

Epel: Speaking of precious, [breAKS INTO A COUGHING FIT]

——

Ace: Skate fast, eat ass

——

Trey: Do you need glue?

Cater: If I need glue I will cry.

——

Idia: Emotions are wack [finger guns]

——

Ace: Jesus my hands are dry... they just like.... snorted.. .... the lotion I put on them.. ... ..

——

Deuce: Okayy let's see how well I can do my math homework after having a mental breakdown!

[Deuce looks at the nonexistent camera]

Deuce: Dw it was for an English assignment

——

Yuu: Guys, I have an important question for you

Overblot crew: what

Yuu: are you okay, like, mentally

Overblot crew: what kinda stupid question is that? of course not.

——

Ace: British people actually exist?

Riddle: Yes

Ace: Damn, that's crazy

——

Floyd: It's like being a halloween stripper except they throw candy at me instead of money

——

Grim: Ooh, free soul! – hoLY SHIT HOLY SHIT TOO MUCH SOUL TOO MUCH SOUL

——

Ace: I was born to kick ass and take names, I'm not just gonna stop bc some adults told me to

——

Yuu: I have a history of befriending bastards

——

Yuu, at Floyd: "oh boo hoo, I'm so tall I can touch the ceiling 😭😭"

——

Lilia: I mean I got a violin case and you don't see me putting baby corpses in it

——

Ace: Is thay the one were Jesus rose from the tomato soap

Trey: what

——

Floyd: THIS IS WORSE THAN THE TIME I ACCIDENTALLY ATE A POISONOUS PLANT OUTSIDE OF MCDONALD'S

——

Kalim: I befriended a gravy monster

——

Floyd: Fuck you. Eats dice.

——

Cater: If you avocado squeezes back, it means you are happy

——

Floyd: It’s like a slip n slide on a warm summer’s day. Expect its November and you’re sliding in your own liquids.

——

Jade: Look out Floyd, the babies are poisonous

——

Deuce: His parents was Greek

——

Jade: Set the temperature to 420 degrees F and let it cook for 2-3 business days

——

Azul to the twins: You don’t have to eat everything that disagrees with you

——

Ace: how old were you when you were eleven?

——

Deuce: evaporation is the process of elimination

——

Rook: goats are the gateway to aromatherapy

——

Rollo: the children must be burned

——

Floyd: chicken octopus legs

——

Deuce: but blue and orange make purple, so…

——

Hope y’all like these lmao

Another one is in the works already, be prepared 😄

[pawphin]

🎶🎶HAPPY BIRTHDAY FLIX 🎶🎶 🎉I HOPE YOU HAD A DAY AS AMAZING AS YOU AND THAT YOU LAUGHED A LOT WITH PEOPLE U LOVE IN A LOVELY ENVIRONMENT!!!

You don't know how grateful I am that you sent me that message asking me to be mutuals, seeing you in my dash always makes me very happy!! You are someone very sweet who deserves all the good in the world ╰⁠(⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠´⁠꒳⁠`⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠⸝⁠)⁠╯

Here, take a little manga pic of Emma and Ray that i found the other day uwu :

AEHWWHWH DRAGON THIS IS SO SWEET 🥹🥹🥹💖💖💖💖

im so glad i messaged you too!!! and im so glad weve stayed friends since then!!! i love how excited you get over your interests and skip to loafer has been on my watch list for a while now :D when i watch it ill tell you!!!

[mikuhats]

almost perfect condition loafers i found at goodwill...!!! im so happy. theyre kinda chunky soled too, ive been looking for a pair like these forEVER...

[mega-byte]

Hello! I’m stepping into the world of custom dolls for the first time and I thought you might be able to help me with something; do you know where I could find brown loafers for a pure neemo body? I think it’s the “M” sized one if that helps, thanks a lot ^-^

Hi there!

So the neemo m body's feet are in between licca and barbie sized! If you don't mind painting the shoes I found this seller on ebay that have them in black, white and blue!

These might be a little bit too small if you're wanting socks

Now if you want fabric and don't mind doing a bit of modding these would be great!

https://a.aliexpress.com/_mMlysSS

If you cut off the ankle strap these would be passable loafers :)

Here's another pair that you wouldn't need to cut a strap off, BUT im not sure if the 20 cm size would be too big or small but for the price it wouldnt be bad to test

https://a.aliexpress.com/_mPeVdZU

Now lastly here are some fabric loafers that are a bit pricy but would be perfect if you dont mind the price!

https://a.aliexpress.com/_mtipO4e

https://a.aliexpress.com/_mLDAAVg

https://a.aliexpress.com/_mtGk7bu

- (for these you want ob 24, they don't have the brown in that size but the white could easily be stained/dyed the color you want)

Hope this list helps you anon! If you're ever looking for other kinds of shoes for you azone you can use the key words Blythe or ob 24! Most factory blythes come on a knock off pure neemo body so it's easy to fine nice clothes at a affordable price :)

Happy hunting!

[jojo-reader-hell]

BRO I JUST A TOP TIER GAY IDEA. SO OUR FAVORITE HAIR STAND BABE GETS JEALOUS BECAUSE SOME CHICK KEEPS LIKE LOOKING HER AND KOICHI UP AND DOWN. SO SHES ALL "BITCH KOICHI IS MINE STEP OFF", AND CLASSMATE IS LIKE "Girl I ain't checking HIM out boo 👀"......IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITES

THIS WAS A BAD IDEA TO REQUEST THIS WHEN IM BEING A SAD PINING GAY FOR MY GIRLFRIEND.

You think she didn’t notice you staring at them? Staring with those big ol eyes?

Wrongo bucko.

You stared in class at them. Stared when they walked out of the school building, stared when she showered her handmade gifts on him. It was nauseating.

The smell of infidelity, it was something she could get a whiff of in the air like a beagle locked on the scent of butthole balloon cocaine at a TSA checkpoint. Be it if Koichi had a new love interest, or someone was interested in him. Not something someone as paranoid as her would be able to miss even if there were thousands of life’s distractions to put her off the scent. She caught you the first time when she had finally invited Koichi to a cozy little cafe setting, waltzing on by like you didn’t follow him part of the way and glance longingly at their love. She wasn’t fucking stupid. Yukako knew what a longing glance was, and she was going to wring your neck out for it.

Every single time she caught you staring you ran, face turning red as a beet as you scurried away from the scene. At one moment she got so caught up in Koichi’s hesitation that she spilled her coffee and screamed at him.

She also decided after that date and confession got tainted that she was going to slam your face into the pavement, because after she returned from showing that class rep bitch who Koichi really belonged to, she saw you sucking up to him, trying to get sympathy from her one true love. You both were in an empty classroom, Koichi patting your back as you wailed in agony at his feet, kneeling on the floor.

How dare you... how dare you make a move on him behind her back.

You were twisting your skirt in knots, probably trying to make sure he got a peep of your underwear. From where she stood she could see it was a rose print pattern. What a fucking... you were just after one thing weren’t you?!

“How could anyone love me?!” she heard you blubber like a dying walrus. “I... I’ve never even had a boy like me. I’m so stupid and ugly and worthless-...”

“Hey hey hey!”

Yukako was seething. Spewing lava and hate when she saw Koichi lunge to hold you, rubbing your back gently as you got your filthy pedestrian tears all over the blazer of his uniform.

“Don’t talk like that...” Koichi’s voice was so soft, so kind, nothing like Yukako had ever heard before.

“You’re not any of those things. I think you’re beautiful and smart, and funny, and anyone who can’t see that has got to be blind! I think you’re very sweet and lovable too.”

“R-really?”

“Yeah! Totally, I mean if you were even interested I’d even go out with you!”

Now, it didn’t help that you had essentially turned the knife counter clockwise in her chest, sealing your fate forever to be just another teen casualty. Because her mounting rage was of Friday the 13th proportions, ready to burst through the window of your room with a machete in the dead of night and hang your entrails like fairy lights around your wall. She knew when she’d do it too. She was going to patiently bide her time and wait for your little “heart to heart” to end, lurking at the edge of the shadows and planning to ambush you when you least expect it.

That was the plan originally. She was waiting for you after school when there were no witnesses, confident she would get you. But how could she have any clue... Not the faintest idea of what to do came to her mind when she heard you cry out her name.

“Yukako! Yukako Yamagishi, I love you!”

She whipped around, almost too angry to hear what you said until she found herself immobile. You’d taken her hands, nearly falling out of your penny loafers when you leaned in, and you kissed her right on the mouth.

The whole time her eyes were wide open in shock. The mounting rage she felt... the burning flames of hatred, where did it go?! Suddenly her first kiss was gone and she noticed you didn’t really know what else to do from there because all you did was give her a quick peck and you were already shaking and out of breath.

She didn’t even focus that long on her kiss being taken by another girl, too busy wondering what had changed as she watched your eyes glitter wetly with tears.

“Yukako, I’ve loved you ever since the first time I laid eyes on you. I think you’re wonderful, and I don’t care if I’m weird or wrong or whatever, because I love you so much it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.”

Yukako blinked. That’s all she could do. Didn’t really have the coherence to do much else except blink owlishly at you. All her feelings were in such a jumbled mess, like clothes in a dryer.

“I... I’m not good at sewing or cooking, I can’t give you material things like a sweater with love in the stitches or some adorable box lunch... I don’t even have money to buy you expensive presents. All I have is a heart full of all my love to give, and I’d do anything to make you happy. Will you... will you be my girlfriend?”

It was as if the fire that burned brightly in her heart had burned so hot and fast that every bad feeling, every negative thought or psychotic fantasy she had about you had suddenly gone up in smoke. Every single part of Yukako’s consciousness seemed only left to ash. You didn’t want Koichi. She heard that part as you continued to babble on helplessly despite her silence, completely unsure of how to respond as she learned the obsessive thoughts she had about one person had been the thoughts you had for her. You continued to pour out your heart, not giving her one opportunity to speak. Anyone could hear it in the way that you were talking to her that you were on the verge of breaking down into tears. Your face was contorted into embarrassment, from the kiss she could feel the heat of your cheeks radiating on her clammy skin. You were still holding her hands and she felt her whole body vibrate because of your nerves.

“Yuka-... I... Yamagishi?! I... I’m sorry...!” Now your voice was starting to crack when you realized she was immobilized. “I... I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have kissed you... I...”

Tears. Great fountains of tears and bubbles of snot appeared and melted like ice cream down your cheeks, lips and chin. Your voice only got more choppy and your legs started to give. Her silence was deafening. She didn’t even know what she felt anymore and could only just watch as you sank to her knees, still holding her hands and not making a move to wipe your face.

Without thinking, she squeezed your hands.

The shock of her touch made you squeak like a mouse being crushed under a combat boot. Yukako knelt down to the floor with you. One of her perfectly embroidered hankies peeped out of her skirt pocket, and she only let go of one hand to fish it out as she carefully wiped every tear and bubble, wordlessly telling you to blow your nose as she placed the cloth over your face.

A soft, pale hand touched your burning cheeks. Her skin was so clammy and cold, like a compress when you had a fever it helped soothe you into calming down. A hiccup sounded in your chest, making you look small and vulnerable.

You looked her in the eyes. Locked with her. She saw the passion. The love. The devotion and pure worship. Everything she wanted staring her in the face.

Still unsure, but willingly, Yukako leaned into your space. Her lips cushioned yours, begging for another first kiss.

[janika31]

Hi Jane! Thank you again for the dresses from high end sp you converted for me <3 My og plan took a wild turn and now I'll try a bacc just so that Claire can be my local fisherwoman lol. So Im creating all sims for my new nh and went to watch some videos for inspo and found some cute clothes for men from bg! I know you made those dresses for me so recently and I hope I'm not pushing it, but could you consider the shirt and the shorts + loafers from this video please? [youtu be/B_Gxi8qAuPc?t=452]

Hello!

No problem, I am happy you like them. 🌺

Woow, how exciting! You have really nice plan for your game, I like it! ❤️

I will look at these items. But I am not sure how fast I will be this time. I will go on my vacation soon for almost 3 weeks, so I will be off and without computer, hope you don't mind wait a while. 😳

[rqsie]

bts fanfic recommendations.

(hiiii, these are my favorite fics ever. i highly recommend all of them. btw these are all manxwoman bc i dont really read manxman

btwww i couldnt tag all accounts cuz for some annoying ass reason tumblr only lets u tag 50 accounts.... sorry)

kim seokjin:

dont wanna fall (m) by @9uk

sugar daddy!seokjin

love bite (m) by @taetaesbaebaepsae

vampire!y/n

these wicked delights (m) by @ditzymax

incubus!seokjin

the leather loafers by @jimlingss

cinderella au (cinderella aus are superior and ofc jimlingss is a queen. everything she writes is a 10/10)

min yoongi:

heaven’s winter (m) by @matchakoo

seraph!yoongi

2.1 out of 5.0 (m) by @minflix

black mirror au

mixtape (m) by @jungblue

baby, you can drive my car (m) by @jungshookz

mechanic!yoongi

jung hoseok:

heartbeat (m) by @joonbird

gang au (i LOVEE heartbeat so much. everybody should read it, its so good)

the worst wonderful time of the year by @lamourche

christmas au, office au

my soul to reap (m) by @readyplayerhobi

reaper!hoseok, harpy!y/n

the purge by @jungblue

purge au

distractions (m) by @dreamscript

may the odds ever be in your favor (m) by @yandearest

hunger games au, yandere!hoseok

hot rod (m) @kinktae

greaser!hoseok (yes i think its the best of all of the rewind fics. sorry bitchin' stans 😴)

kim namjoon:

a taste of heaven (m) by @joonited

(read this NOW!! its really short anyway)

runaways (m) by @littlemisskookie

nerd!namjoon (yall read all the warnings first cuz its honestly kinda fucked up 😳)

thrills found on solid ground (m) by @bibbykins

soft yandere!namjoon (even though its a yandere au its really really soft yandere, i could hardly tell tbh, and its literally so good)

castaways (m) by @rmnamjoons

desert island au (this took me so long to read but definitely worth it)

wrap it up (m) by @1997jk

the dragons lair (m) by @solastia

hybrid!namjoon

park jimin:

otherworldly (m) by @sinning-on-a-sunday

coraline au, yandere!jimin (coraline and jimin. it doesnt get better than that me thinks)

ragdoll (m) by @ausblack

hybrid!jimin

i love you by @seokjinchuriki

vampire!jimin (GUYSSS,,,,, this one is so short but fuck i love it so much.... 😭😭 i would die for vampire jimin)

chained to you (m) by @addicktjimin

fuckboy!jimin

peaches & piercings (m) by @matchakoo

cheerleader!y/n, punk!jimin

kim taehyung:

stuck with you (m) by @jungshookz

roommates au (i think the best thing about all this fic are the drabbles. they really make her characters feel so alive)

tempting (m) by @kinktae

demon!taehyung (again literally everything this queen writes is amazing!!!!!!! but im not afraid to admit that i think tempting is her best work 😌)

pretty kitten (m) by @sweetheartjeongguk

hybrid au, camgirl!y/n

worshippers of the sky by @jimlingss

greek goddess!y/n (my second favorite series ever i think. i deadass cried at the end of the last chapter purly because it was over and loved it so much)

dont ask, dont tell (m) by @jingabitch

hybrid!taehyung

the seven seas (m) by @readyplayerhobi

atlantis au

forbidden by @namjoonbby1

try my luck (m) by @drquinzelharleen

teacher!taehyung

jeon jungkook:

secrets of silk (m) by @nochugguk

camboy!jungkook

by its cover (m) by @gimmesumsuga

the devil’s change up (m) @jungblue

baseball player!jungkook

raising demons (m) by @jeonseok

demon!jungkook

énouement (m) by @littlemisskookie

mulan au

gold rush (m) by @nochugguk

track runner!jungkook (i literally was obsessed with this fic, i have read it sooo many times)

streamy (m) by @jungkookiebus

angel in darkness (m) by @icyhobi

mafia au, prostitution au

new romantics by @cupofteaguk

hogwarts au (if you like hogwarts aus,, this is a must read)

hunting a hybrid (m) by @btswrckd

hybrid!jungkook

under the moonlight (m) by @katobobato

werewolf!jungkook

the sea & the storm (m) by @jamaisjoons

sea spirit!y/n (this one is also really good, but i especially loved the ending. it deadass made me so happy)

shimmers by @boywivlove

hogwarts au

finding beauty in your darkest places (m) by @dreamingofkoo

mental clinic au

what happened in vegas (m) by @namjoonbby1

stripper!y/n

offside (m) by @daddychims

soccer player!jungkook (omg i only just realized that this is on tumblr too. ive always read it on ao3 cuz i didnt know it was on here. but im happy i can add it cuz its one of my fave fics ever and i always recommend it to my friends)

quarter quell by @chinkbihh

hunger games au, yandere!jungkook (omg someone else reminded me of this fic. and like thank u,,, cuz i literally forgot it existed. but i remember reading the first part and being in love with it so i read part 2 and now i love it even more 🥳 i highly recommend and im really existed for part 3. also everything on this account is a gem for yandere!bts fans)

jimin + taehyung:

baby, baby (m) by @hobiwonder

surrogacy au (i really love this one. especially jimin, he is so cute)

namjoon + seokjin:

zodiac (m) by @honeymoonjin

(i honestly dont even know how to discribe this one but its like soooo good.

hoseok + namjoon:

for the crown @seokoloqy

royality au (its an interactive which is so cool tbh)

ot7:

enjoy your stay (m) by @honeymoonjin

hotel!au (its been a while since i read this one but i did really enjoy it. i just really love hotel type aus for some reason)

armed to the fangs (m) by @jingabitch

vampire!bts, hunter!y/n (i actually really like how slowburn it is. im getting so tired of fics where y/n is like “i hate you guys,,, im not easy like other girls” and then jumps on their dick the next chapter lmao. but yes,,, this one is really good)

men on the 13th floor (m) by @khyunni

hotel au, ghost au (i love this one so much)

the iris hotel by @sugakookiecrumble

hotel au, horror au (again,,,, i really like hotel aus)

catalyst (m) by @untilspringdays

mafia au

oasis by @secret-kpoplibrary

hybrid!bts (yall this fic is so cute. i always reread when i want something fluffy)

all is fair in love & war by @smoljamswrites

mafia au

undecided by @nomimits7

detective au (i really love these type of aus!!)

thesis it by @xherxx

roommates au (this fic has a special place in my heart cuz i remember loving it so much that i stayed up the whole night to read it and skipped school the next day cuz i was too tired. good times)

moth to flame (m) by @bang-to-the-tan

vampire!bts (not to be controversial lol but im my opinion this is the best smut. its just sooo good lmfao. also vampire bts 😋 what else could u want)

ethereal orbit (m) by @miamorjoon

alien au (saving the best for last ofc. seriously i think ethereal orbit is my favorite fic ever. i just love it so much. also yall don’t understand how whipped i am for eo namjoon and jungkook. theyre the best. you have to read this one)

anyway thats all for now. i might update it later. i hope this helps u find new pics. btw sorry for the lack of yoongi and seokjin,,, 💔😾

[sailorhyunjinz]

Part 4 of Hyunjin and Me Fantasy

*Mentions of Virginity Loss*

I stormed out of Hyunjin's apartment and went across the street back to my place. I slammed my door shut when I got back to my room. A few minutes later I get a text from Hyunjin: Laila I don't want this to be how our friendship ends but this doesn't mean I'm breaking up with Lexani. She's my first relationship and I'm not gonna let you ruin it. I looked at my phone with shock. I texted back: So now you're serious about this relationship?, He texted back saying that he is now but won't let me intervene in it, even though I fully doubt that the relationship ship was gonna last.

The next week at school, Hyunjin and Lexani were so close to each other, even I could feel the suffocation. During one of my classes I went to the bathroom and caught those two making out in the hallway. When Hyunjin saw me he stopped for a second then continued to kiss Lexani as if he was taunting me while I was just standing there, I went back to class after I lost the urge to go. Starting to think about what his intentions could possibly be.

*Hyunjin's POV*

I don't what I was thinking when I decided to keep kissing Lexi after Laila saw what happened and my jaw was getting tired. Lex kissed me on the cheek and said "Come to my house after school today we'll "study" before we Juan comes over tomorrow". My heart started pounding out of excitement, but I knew if I told Laila about this she would probably be even more jealous than she already is. I asked my mom if she could drop me off at Lexi's house so we could do some extra studying for a class, she agreed and drove me there. Once I arrived I was greeted by Lexi herself, she pulled me in and waved at mom who was in the car. I noticed that she was home alone, "Where are your parents?" I asked, "They had to take care of some important business up north in Fort Lauderdale (which is almost a two our drive from Miami) so they won't be back until like midnight). She took me to her room and told me to take my clothes off next thing I know I'm laying in bed next to a completely naked and tired Lexani. "So that was your first time?", She asked. "Yeah, and this was your first time too, right?", She avoided the question and asked me a different one. "So did it feel good? Cuz I know I felt good." I answered her question with a smile and felt a little confidence boost afterwards. But I knew I didn't really like her reaction when I asked her that question When it was time for me to get picked up I got into the car and texted Laila asking if she wanted to go to the park with me on Friday. To my surprise she texted back: Yeah I just found this big shady tree in the back of park plus I have nothing to do on Friday 😁. A smile rose on my fave when I saw that.

That day I met up with Laila under that big tree she was talking about. She was wearing a cute sundress and loafers. When she smiled at me, it just warmed my heart so much that she was here infront of me. I've never felt this way about Laila but I knew that I liked it. When I sat down next to her I held her hand and just asked her about her day but in no time we were laughing and cracking up about god knows what. Once we finally settled down I finally felt open enough to tell her what happened on Monday. "So guess what", "What?", "... I lost my virginity on Monday", she froze for a second. I was completely shocked when she seemed happy for me. "Wait so you're actually not mad about this", "Well I'm happy that you finally got to experience something like that plus I realized that were growing up and these things are gonna start happening". But she wasn't ready for what I was about to tell her next. "So after me and Lexani finished and she went to sleep. I went through her phone because when I asked her if this was her first time she didn't say anything and that made me suspicious of what she was doing without me. I went though her archived text messages and saw texts from different guys from her last school and they were all talking about doing it with her and I found a couple of sext messages from guys at our school that were opened recently. So I'm gonna break up with her the next time I see her". Laila's jaw was hanging wide open.

Honestly I'm excited to write part 5 for you I'm start my blog and become a fanfic writer for Stray Kids

ooooohhh im so happy that you want to write pieces of your own CAUSE IM ENJOYING THIS STORY A LOT ^^

OOOH sometimes i legit have nothing more to add-

I HOPE THATS OK HEH <33

[axwalker]

Tears in Heaven 1: Beginnings

Synopsis: Alexis O’Brien is about to get married but memories of her old life are coming back to haunt her.

MASTERLIST

Pairings: Liam x MC Drake x MC (TRR)

Warnings: This story will deal with very dark subjects such as death, severe depression and suicide attempt (among others) if you’re triggered by any of those issues, please do not read this story.

A/N: The story will go back and forth between three different periods of time (2009 / 2015 / 2019) 

Word count: 4,800

Songs inspiration: Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton

THANKS TO: @mskaneko​ for the beautiful edits in the mood board. to my awesome beta reader @pedudley​ and to @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore​ for helping me figure some things out. Love you girls 💕💕

Tagging: @mskaneko​ @pedudley​ @burnsoslow​ @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore​ @lauzales​ @yukinagato2012​ @kingliam2019​ @texaskitten30​  @loveellamae​ @nomadics-stuff​ @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria​ @flutistbyday2020​ @mrsdrakewalkerblog​ @ladyangel70​ @kimmiedoo5​ @debramcg1106​ @ao719​ @msjr0119​  @ac27dj​   

If you want to be added or removed from the list, please don’t hesitate to ask ;-) 

March 2015

Maxwell and Liam arrived at Alexis’s apartment and ran through the stairs. Maxwell knocked on the door several times, but no one came. He threw a worried look at Liam; she hadn’t answered any calls or messages for two days.  

“Olivia gave me the spare key” he screamed through the door “We’re coming in Alexis, I’m sorry”

Liam opened the door and saw an impossible mess. Dozens of wine bottles, pizza boxes, and piles of clothes were scattered everywhere. She wasn’t in the living room, so they went to her room where they found her on the bed. She had her back turned to them.

They exchanged another concerned look.  Maxwell sat next to her and rubbed her back “Lexie, we were so worried”

She didn’t turn her head, but Max felt her crying silently.

“Go away. I want to be alone”

Liam’s chest tightened “Alexis we can’t leave you like this. Come with us, please”

Her sad, hollow voice was barely recognizable “Where?”

Liam gestured at Maxwell to stand up so he could sit next to her. “To Valtoria. You know how big the estate is, you won’t have to see me if you don’t want to, but I want to take care of you, Alexis, please”

Alexis shook her head, they didn’t understand. How could they get her pain, the emptiness in her chest, the despair that never left her? She needed to be left in peace with her memories, that was everything she had now.

She sat up on the bed, her face was pale, almost grey with deep purplish rings encircling her eyes. Liam noticed that she was gripping a photo album.

“I don’t need you or anyone else. I lost everything” She bawled at him “Everything!  Just leave me alone”

Maxwell’s eyes watered too “It’s been five months, Blossom, maybe we could get some help”

She scoffed bitterly “Is that so? Five fucking months? So, I’m supposed to forget everything? I’m supposed to just move the fucking on?” Tears ran through her cheeks “Just leave !”

“Darling, I-“

“Leave.Now”

Liam stood up “We’ll leave now, but we will come back later with Olivia and every single day after that, Alexis. You may want to die but I won’t allow it” He didn’t dare touch her, even if he wanted nothing more than taking her in his arms and comfort her, he knew he couldn’t help her right now.

After they left, Alexis gathered the little strength she had and stood up to pour herself another drink. More tears came to her eyes when she remembered how he used to tease her for her love of pictures and old photo albums.

She opened it and saw the first one.  It was a picture of a dark sky illuminated by hundredths of bright stars, with the legend “August 2009” scribbled underneath. Next to it, there was a picture of Drake smiling, and then another one of both of them smiling at each other. She was unable to look more photos knowing that dozens of other memories were waiting for her in that fucking album. Memories that were happy once, and that had become excruciating after that day. The day he had… died.

She couldn’t understand why everything was so incredibly unfair. They had so much love. He had so much life left to live. An uncontrollable rage overcame her, and she threw the album across the room.

Then she went to her drawer and took a bunch of sleeping pills. She needed some rest.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

August 2009

Alexis shut the door behind her and hurried to the bar where she had been working since last summer. She lived with her family in a suburb outside of Cordonia city. It took her one hour and a half to go to work or college, but Cindy, her stepmother, insisted on moving there because it was a neighborhood “where rich people lived”. It didn’t matter that her father was an ordinary accountant or that she had to work to afford college. Appearances were everything for her and her father.

She arrived at the bar five minutes late and panting, but she didn’t have time to catch her breath. She changed into another t-shirt and put on her apron, as soon as she finished tying it, two men entered the bar. They seemed completely disparate, one was wearing a jean shirt and Timberlands while the other one had an expensive jacket and loafers.  

She went to their table noticing how handsome the man in the denim shirt was. He looked angry and brooding, not her usual type but he made it work.

“Hi, guys. What can I-?”

“Waitress, the menu!” The other man interrupted her.

Alexis cocked her brow, as used as she was to the rich kids on campus and their poor manners, some nights she just didn’t have the patience to deal with them.

She smiled widely before answering “My name is written on my tag, it’s Alexis. I also work faster when people add please or thank you to their sentences” Fuck! There goes my tip.

Drake was suddenly interested. He turned his face to look at her for the first time and his heart skipped a beat. Even wearing a horrible green apron, and with her hair in a messy ponytail, he could see how pretty she was. Shiny eyes and a flirty smile. Fuck, a beautiful smile.

He cleared his throat “We apologize, erm… Alexis. Can we start over?”

Alexis felt his dark eyes penetrate hers and she bit her lip feeling slightly nervous. “Of course, that’s fine” She smiled again “what can I get you?”

“We’ll get three burgers and three glasses of whiskey, please” He added smirking.

She looked puzzled “Three?”

Drake nodded behind her, so she turned around and saw a tall, blond man smiling at her.

“Hi, I’m Liam” He looked at her tag “Alexis?”

She smiled at the impossibly handsome man in front of her. “Hi, Liam, yes, that’s it”

“Nice to meet you, Alexis. That’s Tariq and Drake” He said pointing at the men on the table.

She grinned back at them “Nice to meet you too, I’ll bring your order in a few minutes”

Liam watched her leave for the kitchen “Damn she’s pretty”

“The waitress?” Tariq arched his eyebrows in surprise

Liam smiled “Yes, she’s very cute” he looked at the main counter where she was animatedly talking to the bartender. “I’ll go talk to her after diner, maybe she’ll accept to come out with us”

Drake didn’t bother to say anything, Liam wasn’t only kinder than him, he was also much richer and a noble. He didn’t stand a chance with her, not that it mattered anyway, he was only looking for another fun night.

After dinner, Liam went looking for her, when he came back to the table, he had a huge smile on his lips. “She agreed to come with us. Let’s wait for her outside”

Fifteen minutes later she came out with the same black jeans and sneakers than before but without the apron and the t-shirt she used for work.  Instead, she was now wearing a white tank top that highlighted her tanned skin and hugged her curves. Her hair was down, and she wasn’t wearing a lot of makeup, but it didn’t matter, she was completely natural, one of the most beautiful women Drake had ever seen.

His mouth went immediately dry and he couldn’t avoid blushing as a loud “Wow!” escaped from his lips.

She smiled flirty at him “Wow?”

He cleared his throat and said the first thing that popped into his head “I almost didn’t even recognize you”

She laughed “He! Thanks? I guess?”

He laughed too, a bit embarrassed but didn’t take his eyes off of her and something intangible seemed to pass between them for a second until Liam spoke.

“I booked a table at Kismet, is that alright with you, Alexis?”

“Isn’t that a super fancy club?” She looked at her simple clothes and sneakers.

Liam grinned at her “A woman as beautiful as you would go in spite of what she’s wearing” He winked at her “but I know the owner too”

She blushed “Thank you Liam and I supposed it’s okay then”

Liam offered her his arm and walked her to his Mercedes Benz, Drake was getting more and more annoyed at them, at least he had his jeep and wouldn’t have to ride with the new happy couple to the club.

Kismet was a trendy club at the heart of Cordonia city, when they arrived the manager himself took them to their table upstairs in the VIP section and asked for their order.

Liam talked with a kind but assertive voice “We will be drinking the same as usual, Terence. And you, Alexis?”

“I would love a glass of whiskey, thanks” She smiled at him.

Drake looked at her even more intrigued than before but didn’t say anything. Liam was captivated, so he was already talking to her and making her laugh.

After a while, Alexis turned to the other two friends. “Liam tells me he just finished his MBA. Were you in the same class together?”

Tariq answered fast “Yes, we were, but I still need some credits to graduate”

Drake snorted “The understatement of the year, you were drunk the whole semester”

Alexis chuckled as she turned to Drake “You did an MBA too?”

“No, I hate that kind of shit”

Liam shook his head amused “Drake is in Vet school”

“Wow, that’s interesting” She looked at him “Is this your last year?”

Drake shook his head no and took a sip of his whiskey without adding anything else. He hated her feigned interest; it was obvious that she was only trying to impress Liam by befriending him and Tariq. After years as Liam’s best friend, he knew all their tactics.

Liam sighed “No, he still needs two more years to graduate”

She cocked her brow “And does Drake speak, or does he need you to translate for him?” Liam chuckled. 

Drake shrugged “I just hate small talk”

“Suit yourself then” Alexis scowled; he was infuriating so she wasn’t to lose any more time with him, no matter how handsome he was.

Tariq let his eyes roam over her body as discreetly as he could, she was a simple waitress but certainly a very hot one, maybe he could have a chance with her when Liam got tired. “And you?” He asked, barely listening to her answer.

“I’m an English literature major, I start in the Fall”

He frowned “How old are you?”

“Nineteen. I took a year to save for college”

Before Tariq could reply anything, he saw Alexis jumping off the table to greet someone.

“Blossom!!” Maxwell’s shout could be heard despite the high volume of the music “What are you doing here? I called you like a thousand times. Olivia is here too, she’s downstairs.

Alexis hugged Maxwell. Maxwell, Oliva and her had met each other in High School. Maxwell and she were almost soulmates and had become instant best friends while Olivia and she were completely different so their friendship had taken longer to build but she couldn’t imagine her life without either of them.

“Come, I’ll introduce you, Max”

He giggled “I know the Rhys, Blossom. They’re my brother’s friends” He got closer to her and whispered in her ear “Remember the guy I wanted to set you up with?”

She nodded

“Well, It was Liam” She smiled but her eyes went to Drake, which didn’t go unnoticed by Maxwell.

“Forget it, Blossom. Bertrand says that he and Leo, Liam’s brother, are only interested in one-night stands. Liam is more like you, a romantic”

I gotta feeling (here) started playing on the speakers.

“Our song, Lexie!” Maxwell screamed “Come on guys! Let’s dance”

Liam grabbed Alexis’s hand and took her to the dancefloor, Tariq followed them to talk to a lonely blonde by the bar and Drake stayed alone at the table. Finally.

He poured himself another whiskey and changed seats to watch the people dancing. His eyes instantly drifted to Liam and Alexis.

Liam was a decent dancer, but she was mesmerizing. Her hips moved in sync with the music, and a playful smile never left her lips. He had never seen anyone enjoy music so much, or be that joyful, that full of life.

He must’ve been staring hard at her because she suddenly locked eyes with him and he felt the same intangible energy passing between them that he had felt earlier.

He held her gaze for a few seconds, feeling his heart beating much faster, and his mind running wild with thoughts of him with her on the dance floor ravaging those lips.

He shook his head, breaking the eye contact, she was there with Liam, his best friend.

He needed a distraction, so he went to the bar for another whiskey. While he was waiting, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Hi, there!” She was standing in front of her, grinning at him.

“What do you want, Alexis?”

“Aren’t you a real charmer?” she laughed “Come dance with us”

He shook his head. “I don’t dance”

“As a rule?” She gave him an adorable grin, that made him smile almost against his own will. 

 “Well, I’m a man of principles.” They both chuckled.

She Will Be Loved, started playing. 

“Oh god! I love this song. You’re not going to let me like this, are you?” She said as she offered him her hand.

Drake shook his head smiling but took her small hand, almost nervously. He had no trouble engaging with women almost anywhere except for a dancefloor.

Beauty queen of only eighteen she Had some trouble with herself He was always there to help her, she Always belonged to someone else

She grinned bashfully at him “This song is meant to be dance closer than this”

He smiled as he put his arms around her waist and she settled her left hand on his shoulder and her right hand on his waist. “Just feel the music”. She winked at him. He was instantly charmed. And damn, she felt good in his arms.

She was delicate and tantalizing and had a fruity scent, cherry maybe, that was driving him insane.

He felt her move against him, her hips swaying with the rhythm of the song, and her eyes fixated on his. She was the sexiest woman he had ever held before. She had her head turned to him, so he could finally watch her face freely. Her eyes were black and bright with long eyelashes and they were looking at him in a way he had never been looked at before. Her lips were pink and full, and she had the cute habit of biting her bottom lip when she was nervous.

He felt an irresistible need to feel her even closer, so he pulled her against him as they danced. He smiled when he saw the pretty blush coloring her cheeks. She looked away so he took her chin between his fingers and turned her head back to him without a word. He couldn’t get enough of those eyes.

Tap on my window, knock on my door, I Want to make you feel beautiful I know I tend to get so insecure It doesn't matter anymore

Alexis’s heart was beating so hard she couldn’t believe it, a few minutes ago he was driving her crazy, and now she felt like melting in his arms.  

His chocolate eyes were looking so intensely at her, that she was having trouble breathing normally. Suddenly, she felt his big hand on the small of her back pulling her impossibly close to him, getting her knees weaker too. She looked away but his calloused fingers raised her chin to him again, and she saw that he was smiling at her for the first time that night. He was incredibly handsome, with cute dimples and kind eyes that made her feel instantly safe.

Please don't try so hard to say good-bye I don't mind spendin' everyday, out on your corner in the pourin' rain Please don't try so hard to say good-bye

They didn’t notice when the song was over, completely lost in each other, Drake was about to tell her something when Max interrupted them to take Alexis to the bar for a shot drinking competition.

Drake let her go reluctantly, he could’ve stayed on the dancefloor for hours just holding her. He went to the bar as well and saw Liam talking and flirting with her. Maybe it was the whiskey, but just looking at them was making him feel nauseous. And even if he knew he didn’t stand a chance, not if Liam was really interested, he couldn’t help himself, he was drawn to her.

Liam arched his eyebrows seeing his usually brooding friend come to the noisiest corner of the club, where the bartenders were offering free Jello shots.

He hadn’t taken his eyes off of Drake and Alexis while they were dancing. Just a few minutes ago, they appeared to really dislike each other but while they danced, they both seemed…smitten. It was out of character for Drake to be so captivated by someone. He was used to seeing his best friend taking off with a different woman every night but never acting like that. It was a pity because he really liked Alexis too.

He turned his head to watch her and saw her eyes looking for Drake’s. He shook his head; it was clear that she was captivated by his best friend too and he had no interest in a twisted love triangle. He smiled to himself, the cute blonde in the bar had been flirting with him, maybe he should give her a chance. He checked his phone before talking to her and saw a message from his father, he was going to have to cut the night short.

“Drake! I need to go home earlier, Father wants to speak to me about something tomorrow morning, and I better be rested. Could you take Alexis home?”

“Of course, I mean if you don’t mind” He turned to Alexis.

She smiled at him and was about to answer when Maxwell spoke for her “Don’t worry about it, Lexie. I can take you”

Drake and Alexis’s locked eyes with each other, she bit her bottom lip trying to find an excuse.

Fuck, those lips are going to kill me. Drake cleared his throat. “It’s ok, Max. I don’t mind”

“Well, we’re neighbors so it’s really not a prob-. Auch!” Maxwell grabbed his right arm, where Alexis had discretely pinched him.

She gave him an innocent smile “Are you okay, Max?”

“Uhm, yes, but I remembered that I can’t take Lexie home because… because I have, uh, something to do”

“That’s settled then,” Liam said good-bye to everyone and left, after a moment Maxwell went back to the dancefloor, leaving Alexis and Drake alone.

Drake turned to her “Do you want to stay here?”

“What do you have in mind?”

He locked eyes with her as he tugged a strand of hair behind her ear “Do you trust me?”

Inexplicably, after only a few hours of meeting him, she did “Yes, I do”

He smiled. Normally, he would ask her if she wanted to go back to his place, but there was something special about her. For the first time in his life, he wanted to take his time first. And he knew exactly where he wanted to take her.

They got into his jeep, and debated about movies, music, and tv shows while he drove.

After an hour of driving and laughing they arrived at the beach. Drake’s favorite spot.

He took a blanket that he kept on the trunk of his car and extended it on the sand, remembering that he had bought a bottle of whiskey the day before, he put it on the blanket so they could share it.

“It’s a beautiful beach” She took a sip from the whiskey feeling the warm sensation burn her throat.

“It’s more beautiful if you lie down” He nodded at the sky. It was full of stars.

“Fuck! That’s gorgeous”

He grinned “I told you”

“I need to take a picture of this” She took an old camera from her purse and took a picture of the sky, then she turned the camera to them.

“Smile, Drake, I mean if you know how” She stuck her tongue out.

He chuckled shaking his head, he was loving the way she teased him. She took two or three pictures of them and put the camera away.

“Do you come here often?”.

“I do, whenever I can. It’s calm, quiet and far away from everything”

She smiled “I have a similar spot close to home. We live on the other side of the shore. And there’s this little cove, next to the house. I go there when I want to escape”

He frowned “Escape what?”

She shrugged “My father, my stepmom. My life”

He took her arm and rubbed it with the tip of his fingers “Why, Lexie?”

“My family is very strict, very religious. My father would kill me if he knew I’m here. He thinks I’m with a friend”

“I’m sorry”

She shook her head but didn’t answer anything else.

They stargazed for a few minutes, their silence only interrupted by Drake showing her a star or teaching her the name of a constellation. Alexis was fascinated.

“How do you know all this?”

“My father was a bodyguard, but he loved nature and was an amateur astronomer. He learned by himself and taught me everything he could”

“He was?”

There was a short silence.  “He died when I was twelve”

She took his hand and squeezed it. He smiled feeling strangely comforted.

Drake turned to look at her “You have a stepmom”

“My mom passed when I was ten. I had to go live with my father and his new wife in New Jersey, in America. We moved to Cordonia five years ago because he got job here in an American company” She paused “I miss her”

He cupped her face with his hand and gently turned her to him. “I’m sorry, Lexie”

She shrugged “It’s okay, I’m used to it” He looked at her mesmerized. Under the light of the stars, her skin was almost glowing, and her eyes seemed intensely bright.

He was still cupping her face so he left his thumb softly brush her lips, the air rapidly becoming heavy between them. She closed her eyes enjoying the touch of his fingers on her mouth. She had never felt such an intense desire to be kissed before, he made her excited and incredibly aflutter. Drake pulled himself up and leaned towards her, inhaling her delicious cherry scent.

He growled “Fuck, I’m dying to kiss you Lexie”

She managed to mutter “Me too, Drake”

As much as he was dying to ravage her lips, he sensed her nervousness, so he peppered her face with soft kisses first. He kissed her cheeks, her nose and the corners of her lips, as he stroked her neck with his thumbs, and she put her arms around his own neck.  It was soft and deeply tender, but also extremely charged and Alexis felt a warmth sensation pooling between her legs. Finally, he moved to her full lips, and kissed her pouring all the desire and the passion he was feeling. He crashed his mouth with hers again and again softly biting her lips, and letting his tongue explore hers. Alexis had never been kissed like that before. With such passion and tenderness mixed in the same kiss. She knew right there that she wanted to spend the rest of her life being kissed like that. Drake had never felt a kiss so intensely before either, he had never felt his heart beating hard as he kissed someone. He wanted to spend his life kissing her.

Finally, the need for air became urgent so they parted panting. Drake smiled seeing her pink lips swollen and the blush coloring her cheeks.

She looked at her phone “Shit! I have to go back to my house now or my dad is going to kill me”

“Don’t worry, Lexie, I’ll drive you fast enough” He stood up and help her to stand up too, pulling her against him. He kissed her forehead “When can I see you again?”

She bit her lip grinning “If you manage to take me to my house in less than twenty minutes, I’ll put my phone number in your phone”

He smirked “Deal”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2019  (NOW)

Alexis chose a red dress and nude heels for her engagement party. The last few weeks had been hectic at work and she hadn’t had time to shop for a new outfit, but it didn’t matter, Liam loved that dress. It was tight, mid-length and left her shoulders bare, perfect for the party.

She finished dressing and placed in her neck a few drops of the same perfume she had been wearing since high school, the same Drake loved. The cherry scented one. It didn’t matter how many times Liam teased her about it, or how many expensive bottles of French perfume he gave her, she couldn’t bear the thought of smelling like anything else.

“Hi, love” Liam’s voice startled her. She had given him her key three months ago and was still getting used to his presence in her apartment

“Hi, Li” She turned to him as she put a pair of golden hoops on her ears.

He smiled at her “You look gorgeous” He rubbed her cheek with the back of his hand before kissing her “Are you ready, darling?”

“Yes, let me just grab my purse”

They had chosen to host their engagement party in a cozy but exclusive Italian restaurant. Their wedding was going to be similar, elegant yet small with only their closest friends. It wasn’t the first wedding for either of them, so they preferred to keep it simple.

They arrived with a slight retard, Liam knew his fiancé had trouble being on time, he shook his head trying to forget about old times, about someone else teasing her incessantly about it.

Everyone was already there. Liam squeezed Alexis’s hand knowing that she would be feeling anxious, she gave him a grateful smile in return and gripped his hand.

“Alexis, darling, you look stunning” Olivia smiled “A glass of champagne?”

“You too, Liv, Red is definitely our color” They both laughed “And Yes some champagne would be nice”

Liam looked at her with a concerned expression on his face “Are you sure you want to drink today, love?”

Alexis glared at him “Yes, I’m sure. Please pour me a glass, Liv. If you’ll excuse me, I need some fresh air. I’ll be back in a minute”

“Why are you offering her a drink, Olivia?” Liam’s voice had the cold tone he used when he was angry.

“I don’t see the fucking problem, Liam. She’s doing so much better, and I’ve seen her drink wine with you plenty of times” She looked at him questioningly “Didn’t you went to visit the vineyards near Bordeaux together?”

“That’s not the point, Olivia. Her anxiety peaks in events like this. And you know that around this time of the year it always gets worse” He looked to one of the balconies of the restaurant where Alexis was standing. He smiled thinking how beautiful she was and how much he loved her and wanted to protect her.

“Li, if you’re going to marry her, you’ll have to learn how to trust her. If you continue to coddle her like this, you’ll both get tired very fast. She’s a strong woman, she has been through hell since he died, but she needs to find herself again”

“I just don’t want her to relapse” Liam sighed

“So, stop smothering her”

Liam gave her a surprised look “Well, Jin has really changed you, Olivia Nevrakis. Thank you” He smiled at her mockingly “Now, I know who to ask when I need some romantic advice”

“Don’t you dare, Rhys”

Alexis needed a moment alone. Everything was happening so fast that sometimes she had trouble dealing with it. She looked at her diamond ring. It was beautiful, elegant and expensive but non-ostentatious. Much like Liam himself.  However, no matter how perfect the ring was, she would always prefer the simple ring Drake had given her ten years ago. The one she had lost. She took a deep breath and tried to think of something else. She couldn’t go back to those memories.  

Liam walked to the balcony where his fiancé was standing.  “My love, it’s our engagement party. I want you to have anything you want” he encircled her waist and placed a kiss on her bare shoulder “you deserve the world and I want to give it to you”

She smiled “I know you get worried about me, and I understand, I do, but please don’t try to control me. You don’t need to. I’m doing better” She turned around to face him “I promise”

“I believe you, my darling” He caressed her face “I love you, Alexis. You mean the world to me”

She smiled at him, at the man she owed everything to “I love you too, Liam”

[draculalive]

Jonathan Harker’s Journal

2 October, evening. — A long and trying and exciting day. By the first post I got my directed envelope with a dirty scrap of paper enclosed, on which was written with a carpenter’s pencil in a sprawling hand:—

Sam Bloxam, Korkrans, 4, Poters Cort, Bartel Street, Walworth. Arsk for the depite.

I got the letter in bed, and rose without waking Mina. She looked heavy and sleepy and pale, and far from well. I determined not to wake her, but that, when I should return from this new search, I would arrange for her going back to Exeter. I think she would be happier in our own home, with her daily tasks to interest her, than in being here amongst us and in ignorance. I only saw Dr. Seward for a moment, and told him where I was off to, promising to come back and tell the rest so soon as I should have found out anything. I drove to Walworth and found, with some difficulty, Potter’s Court. Mr. Smollet’s spelling misled me, as I asked for Poter’s Court instead of Potter’s Court. However, when I had found the court, I had no difficulty in discovering Corcoran��s lodging-house. When I asked the man who came to the door for the “depite,” he shook his head, and said: “I dunno ’im. There ain’t no such a person ’ere; I never ’eard of ’im in all my bloomin’ days. Don’t believe there ain’t nobody of that kind livin’ ere or anywheres.” I took out Smollet’s letter, and as I read it it seemed to me that the lesson of the spelling of the name of the court might guide me. “What are you?” I asked.

“I’m the depity,” he answered. I saw at once that I was on the right track; phonetic spelling had again misled me. A half-crown tip put the deputy’s knowledge at my disposal, and I learned that Mr. Bloxam, who had slept off the remains of his beer on the previous night at Corcoran’s, had left for his work at Poplar at five o’clock that morning. He could not tell me where the place of work was situated, but he had a vague idea that it was some kind of a “new-fangled ware’us”; and with this slender clue I had to start for Poplar. It was twelve o’clock before I got any satisfactory hint of such a building, and this I got at a coffee-shop, where some workmen were having their dinner. One of these suggested that there was being erected at Cross Angel Street a new “cold storage” building; and as this suited the condition of a “new-fangled ware’us,” I at once drove to it. An interview with a surly gatekeeper and a surlier foreman, both of whom were appeased with the coin of the realm, put me on the track of Bloxam; he was sent for on my suggesting that I was willing to pay his day’s wages to his foreman for the privilege of asking him a few questions on a private matter. He was a smart enough fellow, though rough of speech and bearing. When I had promised to pay for his information and given him an earnest, he told me that he had made two journeys between Carfax and a house in Piccadilly, and had taken from this house to the latter nine great boxes — “main heavy ones” — with a horse and cart hired by him for this purpose. I asked him if he could tell me the number of the house in Piccadilly, to which he replied:—

“Well, guv’nor, I forgits the number, but it was only a few doors from a big white church or somethink of the kind, not long built. It was a dusty old ’ouse, too, though nothin’ to the dustiness of the ’ouse we tooked the bloomin’ boxes from.”

“How did you get into the houses if they were both empty?”

“There was the old party what engaged me a-waitin’ in the ’ouse at Purfleet. He ’elped me to lift the boxes and put them in the dray. Curse me, but he was the strongest chap I ever struck, an’ him a old feller, with a white moustache, one that thin you would think he couldn’t throw a shadder.”

How this phrase thrilled through me!

“Why, ’e took up ’is end o’ the boxes like they was pounds of tea, and me a-puffin’ an’ a-blowin’ afore I could up-end mine anyhow — an’ I’m no chicken, neither.”

“How did you get into the house in Piccadilly?” I asked.

“He was there too. He must ’a’ started off and got there afore me, for when I rung of the bell he kem an’ opened the door ’isself an’ ’elped me to carry the boxes into the ’all.”

“The whole nine?” I asked.

“Yus; there was five in the first load an’ four in the second. It was main dry work, an’ I don’t so well remember ’ow I got ’ome.” I interrupted him:—

“Were the boxes left in the hall?”

“Yus; it was a big ’all, an’ there was nothin’ else in it.” I made one more attempt to further matters:—

“You didn’t have any key?”

“Never used no key nor nothink. The old gent, he opened the door ’isself an’ shut it again when I druv off. I don’t remember the last time — but that was the beer.”

“And you can’t remember the number of the house?”

“No, sir. But ye needn’t have no difficulty about that. It’s a ’igh ’un with a stone front with a bow on it, an’ ’igh steps up to the door. I know them steps, ’avin’ ’ad to carry the boxes up with three loafers what come round to earn a copper. The old gent give them shillin’s, an’ they seein’ they got so much, they wanted more; but ’e took one of them by the shoulder and was like to throw ’im down the steps, till the lot of them went away cussin’.” I thought that with this description I could find the house, so, having paid my friend for his information, I started off for Piccadilly. I had gained a new painful experience; the Count could, it was evident, handle the earth-boxes himself. If so, time was precious; for, now that he had achieved a certain amount of distribution, he could, by choosing his own time, complete the task unobserved. At Piccadilly Circus I discharged my cab, and walked westward; beyond the Junior Constitutional I came across the house described, and was satisfied that this was the next of the lairs arranged by Dracula. The house looked as though it had been long untenanted. The windows were encrusted with dust, and the shutters were up. All the framework was black with time, and from the iron the paint had mostly scaled away. It was evident that up to lately there had been a large notice-board in front of the balcony; it had, however, been roughly torn away, the uprights which had supported it still remaining. Behind the rails of the balcony I saw there were some loose boards, whose raw edges looked white. I would have given a good deal to have been able to see the notice-board intact, as it would, perhaps, have given some clue to the ownership of the house. I remembered my experience of the investigation and purchase of Carfax, and I could not but feel that if I could find the former owner there might be some means discovered of gaining access to the house.

There was at present nothing to be learned from the Piccadilly side, and nothing could be done; so I went round to the back to see if anything could be gathered from this quarter. The mews were active, the Piccadilly houses being mostly in occupation. I asked one or two of the grooms and helpers whom I saw around if they could tell me anything about the empty house. One of them said that he heard it had lately been taken, but he couldn’t say from whom. He told me, however, that up to very lately there had been a notice-board of “For Sale” up, and that perhaps Mitchell, Sons, & Candy, the house agents, could tell me something, as he thought he remembered seeing the name of that firm on the board. I did not wish to seem too eager, or to let my informant know or guess too much, so, thanking him in the usual manner, I strolled away. It was now growing dusk, and the autumn night was closing in, so I did not lose any time. Having learned the address of Mitchell, Sons, & Candy from a directory at the Berkeley, I was soon at their office in Sackville Street.

The gentleman who saw me was particularly suave in manner, but uncommunicative in equal proportion. Having once told me that the Piccadilly house — which throughout our interview he called a “mansion” — was sold, he considered my business as concluded. When I asked who had purchased it, he opened his eyes a thought wider, and paused a few seconds before replying:—

“It is sold, sir.”

“Pardon me,” I said, with equal politeness, “but I have a special reason for wishing to know who purchased it.”

Again he paused longer, and raised his eyebrows still more. “It is sold, sir,” was again his laconic reply.

“Surely,” I said, “you do not mind letting me know so much.”

“But I do mind,” he answered. “The affairs of their clients are absolutely safe in the hands of Mitchell, Sons, & Candy.” This was manifestly a prig of the first water, and there was no use arguing with him. I thought I had best meet him on his own ground, so I said:—

“Your clients, sir, are happy in having so resolute a guardian of their confidence. I am myself a professional man.” Here I handed him my card. “In this instance I am not prompted by curiosity; I act on the part of Lord Godalming, who wishes to know something of the property which was, he understood, lately for sale.” These words put a different complexion on affairs. He said:—

“I would like to oblige you if I could, Mr. Harker, and especially would I like to oblige his lordship. We once carried out a small matter of renting some chambers for him when he was the Honourable Arthur Holmwood. If you will let me have his lordship’s address I will consult the House on the subject, and will, in any case, communicate with his lordship by to-night’s post. It will be a pleasure if we can so far deviate from our rules as to give the required information to his lordship.”

I wanted to secure a friend, and not to make an enemy, so I thanked him, gave the address at Dr. Seward’s and came away. It was now dark, and I was tired and hungry. I got a cup of tea at the Aërated Bread Company and came down to Purfleet by the next train.

I found all the others at home. Mina was looking tired and pale, but she made a gallant effort to be bright and cheerful, it wrung my heart to think that I had had to keep anything from her and so caused her inquietude. Thank God, this will be the last night of her looking on at our conferences, and feeling the sting of our not showing our confidence. It took all my courage to hold to the wise resolution of keeping her out of our grim task. She seems somehow more reconciled; or else the very subject seems to have become repugnant to her, for when any accidental allusion is made she actually shudders. I am glad we made our resolution in time, as with such a feeling as this, our growing knowledge would be torture to her.

I could not tell the others of the day’s discovery till we were alone; so after dinner — followed by a little music to save appearances even amongst ourselves — I took Mina to her room and left her to go to bed. The dear girl was more affectionate with me than ever, and clung to me as though she would detain me; but there was much to be talked of and I came away. Thank God, the ceasing of telling things has made no difference between us.

When I came down again I found the others all gathered round the fire in the study. In the train I had written my diary so far, and simply read it off to them as the best means of letting them get abreast of my own information; when I had finished Van Helsing said:—

“This has been a great day’s work, friend Jonathan. Doubtless we are on the track of the missing boxes. If we find them all in that house, then our work is near the end. But if there be some missing, we must search until we find them. Then shall we make our final coup, and hunt the wretch to his real death.” We all sat silent awhile and all at once Mr. Morris spoke:—

“Say! how are we going to get into that house?”

“We got into the other,” answered Lord Godalming quickly.

“But, Art, this is different. We broke house at Carfax, but we had night and a walled park to protect us. It will be a mighty different thing to commit burglary in Piccadilly, either by day or night. I confess I don’t see how we are going to get in unless that agency duck can find us a key of some sort; perhaps we shall know when you get his letter in the morning.” Lord Godalming’s brows contracted, and he stood up and walked about the room. By-and-by he stopped and said, turning from one to another of us:—

“Quincey’s head is level. This burglary business is getting serious; we got off once all right; but we have now a rare job on hand — unless we can find the Count’s key basket.”

As nothing could well be done before morning, and as it would be at least advisable to wait till Lord Godalming should hear from Mitchell’s, we decided not to take any active step before breakfast time. For a good while we sat and smoked, discussing the matter in its various lights and bearings; I took the opportunity of bringing this diary right up to the moment. I am very sleepy and shall go to bed…

Just a line. Mina sleeps soundly and her breathing is regular. Her forehead is puckered up into little wrinkles, as though she thinks even in her sleep. She is still too pale, but does not look so haggard as she did this morning. To-morrow will, I hope, mend all this; she will be herself at home in Exeter. Oh, but I am sleepy!

[writsgrimmyblog]

11...12...29.... 30 for gryles 👀 hope im not being too greedy 👀👀

Ha!! No, not too greedy I love doing them. I’ve put them under a ‘read more’ cut. Thanks for the asks! :D

11. What do they hide from one another?

Everything, at first. Everything that skirts too close to them and us that is. They share things with one another they don’t share with many people, like the news about Nick getting Breakfast and for Harry, how it feels to be catapulted into the spotlight. They share their families, Christmas and get comfortable lounging around together in joggers and old t-shirts, happy to let one another in on all those intimate, personal parts of their lives that the cameras never get to see. The good moments, and the bad. What Harry doesn’t share is the things he writes in the book of half-finished songs that Nick got him ages ago. He keeps his book with him all the time, but he never lets Nick see what’s inside. He doesn’t share the things it’s easier to put into song lyrics, or the words he turns into music as he tries to learn the guitar, plucking at the strings and thinking about Nick. He tells Nick that he burns candles on tour because they remind him of home. He doesn’t tell him that Nick reminds him of home and that’s why he got the candles. That’s why he puts The Notebook on, over and over, and scrolls through Instagram wondering what Nick’s up to and whether he’s missing Harry, too. Nick doesn’t share the fact that the jokes about Harry making everyone fall in love with him stopped being funny a while ago. He doesn’t share the way his heart sometimes feels too big for his chest when he looks at Harry, or the way he turns to dairy free ice-cream when Harry goes on tour. It’s a surprise, the first album. The one about all the things unspoken. 

Harry’s wearing a plaid trouser when they have their first proper kiss. It’s proper because it’s a kiss that starts the conversation, unlike all the ones that were designed to stop it. Everything is exactly as it should be.

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

They go public, albeit it in a very lowkey way. The truth is, not much else changes. Apart from the talking. They’re better at that, now. Harry doesn’t say everything to his song-writing book or to his guitar. Nick manages to use the word ‘boyfriend’ once without breaking out into a cold sweat. It’s progress. The public thing isn’t some big announcement. They don’t get paid a load of money by OK to dress in matching Gucci loafers and recline on sofas in one of the houses Harry hardly uses anymore. It’s more like the old days, where they start going to events together. Nick complains that he looks like a potato next to Harry with his scientifically fit face. Harry thinks Nick’s fitter than anybody else in the room, but he knows Nick won’t believe him if he says that, so he just presses close to Nick for most of the evening, and Nick tells him he’s like a limpet. Nick doesn’t mind, really. Particularly not when Harry tells him he might suck him off in the loos, later. It helps. They’re terribly romantic. Twitter gives Nick shit for it at first, because people can be twats, and Harry gets so angry and frustrated. He thinks Nick’s going to leave him and he goes quiet and moody, until Nick tells him it’s been like that from the start and he’s not going anywhere. Never has, never will. They snog on the sofa, have a cuddle and put on Bake Off. They laugh about the time they did some baking and Harry forgot to bring eggs. Harry reminds Nick that he used to be a baker, actually. Nick rolls his eyes and says you’d look good in one of them Mary Berry floral bombers. Harry sends Harry Lambert a text asking if Gucci make floral bomber jackets. It’s going to be okay.

29. Why do they fall a little bit more in love?

Nick says it’s when he found out the size of Harry’s popstar bank balance. Harry gets offended and tells Nick off for being unromantic. Nobody talks like that in rom coms. He makes Nick watch three Julia Roberts films and one with Reese Witherspoon and gives him a book of romantic poetry. He couldn’t be more offended when Nick refuses to quote a single one to him. One night, Nick’s complaining about Harry being like a furnace and the California sun making it too warm to sleep. Nick doesn’t like L.A. and he’s been complaining since he arrived. They decide to give up on sleeping, because neither of them can and they dick around in the kitchen. Nick gets out all of the new, shiny, cooking equipment and reminds Harry of the time he didn’t have any pans. You’re a proper adult, now. Harry throws flour at Nick because he still feels like a kid around Nick, sometimes. Not because of the age difference, but because it takes him back to a different time. Nick’s one of the few people who can make him laugh one of those laughs that just bursts out of you and makes your whole face crinkle up, until it gets difficult to breathe. Nick throws some flour back at Harry and they’re covered in the stuff when they kiss, all floury and weird, Harry pushed against the kitchen counter and Nick running his fingers over Harry’s stomach. 

Nick sings a bit of Harry’s song at him, off-key and he changes the words: you got the flour, I got me an appetite. Harry says I mess around with him, and I’m okay with it. Tells Nick in a hot-breathed whisper I think I’m going to stick with it. Nick asks Harry to draw him like one of his French girls and laughs for ages until Harry has to shut him up with another kiss. Harry thinks how strange it is that he knows how Nick’s kisses taste when he’s covered in flour, when his lips are hot from the sun in Mallorca, when they’re damp with London rain, salty with tears after watching Titanic and when they’re boozy, smokey, sleep-warm and, best of all, the way he tastes with Harry’s name on his lips. The way his kisses taste just after a rare I love you. Just at that moment, Nick pushes his hands into Harry’s hair and calls him Henry Stars and it’s somehow more romantic than anything else because it’s just theirs. It’s their past, present and future. That night they make sugar-free brownies which taste like shit. Harry tells Nick a joke he learned about raccoons to make up for the lack of sugar. He says you’re sweet enough already and Nick hits him with a cushion. That night they fall in love, just a little bit more, and Nick doesn’t think L.A. is quite so lonely anymore.

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them? 

It almost doesn’t work because they’re both terrible at reading the signals and they’re excellent and not really saying the things they want to say. There are so many nights out, so many moments of falling into bed and wondering if this time it’s going to be different that for a while it looks like it’s just going to be one of those things they’ll both look back on with a remember when with different people by their sides and a lifetime in front of them where Nick and Harry are just friends. In this universe, in this life, time aligns just right and it catches them both off-guard, even though they have been idiots in love for a long time already. Harry tells Nick once that he thinks if there are a million different universes they would be together in every single one of them. It would happen even in the ones where time moves differently, sooner, or later. Nick says it probably wouldn’t happen in the ones where Nick gets a face full of wrinkles and Harry still looks like a Grecian sculpture. Harry doesn’t say as much, but he secretly likes to think that if Nick has wrinkles in those other worlds, Harry put them there. The frown lines, the laughter lines, the way his eyes crinkle at the corners. Harry gets possessive about the lines on Nick’s face and stops him from trying to erase them when it gets to that stage, because it matters, the past. It’s what gave them a future, after a all. A past full of laughing and leaving, of loss and love, of friendship. A past full of stories told and untold. They have the best stories, Harry and Nick. They could make a library out of them. 

It’s well into the future when Harry gets a new jumper and Nick’s outside the changing room. Harry laughs about that time people thought Nick was his dad. He pulls Nick into the changing room, kisses him breathless just like he always wanted to all of those years ago. Nick kisses him back and Harry never wears cashmere again without thinking of Nick’s hands on his skin. It’s their history, that makes it work. Friendship first. The rest just follows. Easy, like a Sunday morning.

ship headcanon meme 

[beenblindagain]

woah i had a crazy good day today which is very relieving. One of my best friend from elementary school came by my house and we went to the flea market. I found this ring / dream book and he bought me 2$ tulips. It was so nice seeing an old friend and getting to catch up more. we took flynn for a walk, it was so nice out today i got to wear my loafers. I made some food when i got back home, took a well needed nap and read Haruki Murakamis “the strange library”. Had a nice hot shower, wrote a small piece on my melodica and now im eating ice cream. Happy sunday to me !

[outletggdbsale-blog]

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