#im sorry if ur homophobic ass dont like it

[cerbreus]

Been trying to find a funny and less humiliating way to say I fell down the stairs with a mug of hot water like I'm charlie chaplin playing a 90 yr old retiree yesterday but there really isn't one lmfao

[muzanswaifu]

I’m sooooo tired of these little kids on this app rn man

They are all being annoying as hell and harassing people, then turning around and saying we are harassing them

Like what? Im sorry did i miss something?

Werent you guys the ones who were calling everyone homophobic for not writing the fics you want then calling everyone slurs?

THEN THEY THREATEN ME?

Wtf are you gonna do??? Ur literally like 13 and I’m a grown ass woman

Yall are saying we dont have lives bc we write fanfics but you guys are out here unable to write and trolling people online… sounds like you guys are the ones without lives

We all have jobs/are attending school full time and writing in our freetime while you guys are out here failing ur classes and trolling people on roblox for fun

Im a pedophile??? I literally told you guys to leave me and the other writers here alone bc we dont wanna talk to you yet you still continue to come back bc you have no life

This is my last time discussing it, i have better things to do and have a life so im no longer entertaining you

And goddamn can you kids learn how to write a legible sentence??? Couldnt even read anything yall wrote bc the sentence structure was all over the place

[candyredmusings]

“Another One Of Those ‘Things My Discord Said’ Sentence Starters.

Things taken from DMs and a few group chats from Discord. CW: NSFT Change / Edit as necessary !

i am literally tom cruise

cum is cool.

[NAME]  is fucked up cus he is straight man

[NAME]  show me your fuckin tits

[NAME], you better not be standing catatonic in your room wearing your handmade jigsaw robe again.

its like they creampied me but instead of cum it was new music

like what about my pussy-area makes u think sea cucumber

the mind is weak. but the body is funky

so im reading that fanfic where 1d like, buys your soul or whatever and im shook

well tom servo is a sex god

and then i freaked it

FUCK YOU APPLE JACK FUCK

ILL SLURP WITH YOU

LEMME SHOW U DICK

ITS A SIDE QUEST YOU SILLY BITCH

I’m a zombie the law can’t stop me

LEAVE YOUR GOLDEN UNCRUSTABLES OUT OF MY HOME I WILL NOT FALL VICTIM TO THY TRICKERY

you, telling me to ignore a twink with side swept brown hair? foolish.

Hes so hot i briefly started texting like a straight person

and because I’m god and I’ve decided that. No. In fact. I’m not done.

MY DUMB BOTTOM BRAIN FOLLOWS COMMANDS TOO WELL

[NAME], I know you love bloopy reggae jams. Now is not the time

OH THATS WHAT I THOUGHT YOUD SAY YOU STUPID ACCIDENTAL HIMBO DEMON

man i rlly am attracted to paul mccartney.

its not that kennedy was gay af sleeping w jackies fat ass out, he just has a better one-

jealous of my massive honkeers

YOU BRAINCELLED BITCH

this forced open my third eye and i saw the devil--

oh me seeming romantically interested in u is making u uncomfortable?? noted

the only pussy this party city shake out wig looking mother fucker is getting

[NAME]  expose your teeth right fucking now

IN THE DEPARTMENT OF OLD MAN FUCKING, WEVE GOT YOU BEAT

What if we kissed while one of us got called racist and we are both boys

i just jacked it to minecraft piss porn

I will pop a huge tentacle boner

i hate females fr fr

we left u to die to play minecraft

IM GONNA FRICKLE-FRACK YOUR WIFE

CAN I KARATE CHOP IT LIKE IN SPONGEBOB

DWIGHT FROM THE OFFICE IS NOT MY SKRUNKLY

she would never ever take away one of these stupid fucking hats

My brother in Christ you’re being haunted

i want to wring you like a wet towel and slap u against a wall

Yeah you'll come to learn I just have a thing for milk

Piss ur pants harder pls I wanna watch

I'm gonna corn on the kill myself

good morning to parappa and his stans. everyone else..... hi ig

lol look at this clown with no slurs

God has abandoned his children but unfortunately for you I pay child support and I will smite thee.

this is how I reveal myself to be homophobic

I have no sluts

idk what it is abt it but boba makes me become like an actual whore

im homophobic suddenly

he was like ‘You're so big”.... and i just started crying

anyones penis can be hard hes not special

for the love of god please help me

i can talk about piss for hours

im sorry i havent recognized mickey mouse clubhouse ost as the cultural landmark that it is

I ASKED IF WE WOULD RP AFTER FUCKING BIBLE STUDY OR WHATEVER

the benefits of being a yandere is that i dont have to forgive OR forget and I am a living breathing PVP zone so Fuck with me white boy.

When toxic by ashnikko comes on I enter the gaslight gatekeep phases of my girlbosshood

im like a child in line for the newest fucked up disney ride

[NAME] is just all fucking Sorts of fucked up

im clownfaking

why are we here? to suffer? every other day i get messages from a whore

always thinking abt when my friend called me a "white boy whore"

you gotta PUMP the errand girl with cocaine

im beyond shame bc i love all cock try again

people have fetishes.

They really do crucify anyone these days huh

u may have never hungered for cock but you have hungered for a sub sandwich and honestly? theyre basically the same thing-

hi im drawing hentai

[NAME] idk why but that really. makes me want to stab you

“Don't have sex FOMO, [NAME], no! “

“TRY AND NUKE THIS, BITCH.”

“There's a group of golden skeletons behind you hitting the griddy “

“GRANDPA’S ASHES SUCKED MY COCK AND TOOK ME TO ARBYS.”

“You’re lanky with no gender and silly goofy with the rizz it works.”

“You can’t just tell me I could be a Tumblr sexy man to my face at 4:30 PM.”

"I have strong opinions about the soviet union"

“CALL THAT PUSSY THE MATRIX CAUSE IM IN THIS BITCH AND I CANT GET OUT “

“dont cry. 8000 types of reptiles on the planet, okay?”

[NAME] lives his life like he’s an RPG character but picks only the rude dialogue options.”

“I need to beat off to this before God destroys California.”

"No amount of pussy could get me on a rollercoaster with three loops"

"I love your senior citizen pussy"

"Gerber is pretty reliable .. I mean .. The Gerber baby didn't die .... did it?"

“you are white i assume”

"I hate you terrorist, and you may quote me on that"

"I love watching you play minecraft. It's like watching a baby fawn."

"I've never seen old men who fuck harder."

"i don't need him to KILL i need him to FUCK ME"

"well maybe if you just dicked down your wife she wouldn't have gone on a murderous slut rampage"

"why cant these BIG titty bimbos stop HANGING around me"

[mindiminmin]

𝑳𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑴𝑰𝑵𝑫𝑰 ☆⌒(ゝ。∂).ᐟ

·:*¨༺ ★ ༻¨*:·.

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ABOUT ME ꒱ ˎˊ˗

𐀔 . I'm pansexual, INFJ , BLACK ♡, Music lover especially kpop, little mix and partynextdoor AND ZAYN.😇, I love regular show and invader zim smsmmsms, I rp from time to time as well 🫶🏾 ROBLOX>> (user is urbeltt if u wanna add me bae💗)

𐀔 . I love stickers more than anything 😭 if you gave me stickers I would love you forever

𐀔 . Birthday is December 25th, end of the year Capricorn 🐇

𐀔 . I LOVE making friends so if u wanna be mutuals PLS TELL ME OMG !!!

𐀔 . I HAVE DISCORD IF U WANNA TALK THERE (user is msgudpusss)

𐀔 . zayn is my literal husband. The rest of u that say otherwise is fake asf🙄

˗ˏˋ ꒰ INTERESTS ꒱ ˎˊ˗

𐀔 . kpop (newjeans, le sserafim, ntc <ALL UNITS>, GOT7, TxT, aespa, ect)

𐀔 . rping

𐀔 . ITSV/ATSV

𐀔 . YOUNGROYALS<3

𐀔 . HEARTSTOPPERRR<333

𐀔 . little mix

𐀔 . zayn aka the man of my dreams and my bf forever and ever

˗ˏˋ ꒰ DNI ꒱ ˎˊ˗

𐀔 . if u a old ass nigga u betta back tf up im a minor yall

𐀔 . white people🙁 (sorry babes but this is a poc space only)

𐀔 . Any rasists, homophobes, nasty weirdos, proshippers (u bitches r weird dont get on this fucking account if ur one of those)

𐀔 . niggas that judge me for the kinda ice cream i like bitch be gone rn 💀

˗ˏˋ ꒰ PLEASE INTERACT IF ꒱ ˎˊ˗

𐀔 . if you like kpop ♡

𐀔 . if u rp and would like to rp w me !

𐀔 . IF U WANNA BE MUTUALS

𐀔 . if you wanna be invited to me and zayns wedding

𐀔 . if ur not old

𐀔 . if u can bring my energy

˗ˏˋ ꒰ THANKS FOR COMING ꒱ ˎˊ˗

[skeletonmaster69]

baldurs gate character rankings

1. shadowheart i love her. shes so cool shes so easy to talk to since aslong as i dont question her and am nice she is happy. understanding and normal about the gay thing going on with gale unlike multiple other party members i know. i will protect her w my life except because scout is a twink-y warlock lets be honest shes the one protecting him. actually because im bad at the game lets be honest they are both just tanking damage despite not being tanks.

2. gale. homosexuality w. first base get guy out of rock second base feed him magic artifact 3rd base guy teaches you spell 4th base THINK about holding hands. dont dare actually do that what the hell. 5th base he holds ur hand to his glowing heart and describes his tragic backstory. incredible relationship guys. ill never get over him being in the rock tho i knoe his nsme hes still rock guy forever.

3. KARLACH WOOOOO WOOOOOOO WAHOOOO WEEEEEE YAYY WEEEEE WOOOOIOOOIOOOOO okay reasoning she is so blessedly normal thats it. i like to imagine her and scout hanging out places accidently terrorizing the local citizens because they look scary.

4. asterion i dont like him because he is weird about scout and listen theres gotta be a less homophobic way to say this but hes fruity in a bad way. but maybe a good way. maybe i like him anyways. i dont think so tho. maybe tho. he gets better as time goes on. i worry he'll be an akechi tho bcuz i keep seeing him everywhere online.

5. wyll. im so sorry dude i knoe nothing about you. you seem like a nice guy im sure ur a nice guy. but like it felt terrible getting asterion out of my party and i loved karlach and i hated him. im so sorry. next playthrough i promise wyll. i promise ill talk to you.

6. lae zul. please let that be how her name is spelled thats my first thing. second thing you know how asterions weird sbout scout. well she is terrible toward scout. he asks a sillt question he yells at him calls him scum. he talks to her after deciding to hang out with gale she tells him how upset he'll be that he didnt have sex with her. STOP BEING MEAN TO HIM D: lae zul he did nothing to you. scout cannot handle this negativity. next thing shes mean to shadowheart. shes mean to wyll. shes mean to everyone. blow up. fourth thing i cant think of a fourth because i avoid talking to her.

7. scout. lmao stupid ass gayboy.

[jellyaibo]

i want to hear ur thoughts abt object terror, you philosophor

so disclaimer i havent seen OT in fucking months so this insane ramble isnt gna be. the best but

object terror is one of the best worst fucking object shows ive ever seen, literally the PRIME example of some edgy kid trying to make an object show that isnt ur grandmas object show. no. this is the REAL shit and they say SLURS and theres BLOOD and GORE (yes im serious theres blood and gore and death but itsnot that bad, definitely a bit shocking if u didnt expect it to happen tho)

theres also shitty voice acting and terrible mic quality galore, EX: theres a fucking cup that had this dogshit mic for the longest fucking time and it deadass sounded like bro was talking into a washing machine ohmy god, i remember there was a clip of him going around on twitter a while ago cuz of this (i think that was my first time seeing anything from OT too so theres that)

OH and theres cactus, i barely remember anything abt him but he had this fucking emotionless voice that made me HYSTERICAL. there was a scene where someone got him pissed and he said "you take that back" with. absolutely no emotion at all and since then me and my friends keep fucking quoting that line cuz its the funniest fucking shit ever

btw that slur line i said earlier wasnt a joke, one of the characters straight up drops the R SLUR in the FIRST EPISODE (funnily enough, that character became the creators objectsona i think? ik they kinda used him as a mascot for a bit which is so fucking funny) tho i dont think they drop anymore slurs after that but dont take my word on it

anyways i gotta talk abt my favorite fucking part abt this fucking show before i get to. mint

THESE FUCKING CUNTS.

before i watched object terror i got fucking warned abt these two because there was a . homophobic scene w them or some shit and i had NO idea what it was for the longest time so i was really excited to see what object homophobia was gna be graced upon my faggotly eyes

and then theyjust. started making out randomly. LIKE OUTTA NOWHERE and there were other characters there that were gna try to attack/kill them? but then they saw them kissing and were like omg ewww boys (i think. the stuff that happens after this scene is kinda blurry tbh and im NOT gonna go back and watch the clip to see what happens ok. i REFUSE) and im sorry but thats the best fucking object show scene ever

AND LIKE? IDK? MAYBE ITS JUST ME BUT I DONT GET WHY I SAW PPL SAY THIS WAS HOMOPHOBIC???? i dunno maybe its just me but like these two just kissed while watching tv and eating chicken AND NOTHING BAD HAPPENED TO THEM!!! THEY LITERALLY WON IMMUNITY BY THE END OF THE EPISODE TOO. THEY WON. THE GAYS WON. and its so fucking funny to me bro object terror LOVES the gays

ok now i need to talk about mint im sorry i hate this fucking thing so much I NEED TO KILL HIM WITH A ROCK!!!! FFFUCK!!

hes literally just taco ii but 100x worse, i dont even like tacos evil arc or whatever cuz i always found her annoying BUT MINT IS SO MUCH WORSE

never in my. almost 2 years of watching object shows have i ever hated a character so fucking much LIKE GENUINELY THIS THING MAKES ME SO FRUSTRATED. hes just that. lol XD random character FOR THE WHOLE SERIES. just annoying and loud and does literally fucking nothing AND THE JOKES W HIM ARE SO FORCED I SWEAR THEY STOPPED . EVERYTHING THAT WAS GOING ON IN AN EPISODE JUST TO FOCUS ON THIS MOTHERFUCKER CUZ HE WAS GONNA DO SOMETHING FUNNY. im not mad that im missing out on some "juicy" object terror "lore" im just pissed that i have to see this fucking disgrace on my screen

oh and in the latest episode (as of now, the series isnt actually finished yet and i hope to god it never gets continued) SUDDENLY mint has a fucking arc THAT WAS NEVER FORESHADOWED AT ALL IN THE SERIES!! SO SUDDENLY HES A SMART GENIUS THAT COULD DO ANYTHING CUZ HE HAS MACHINES N SHIT AND A WHOLE ASS LABORATORY ??????? THEN HE FUCKING DIES

do you know how many fucking. mid and uninteresting characters we had to lose for him

DO YOU KNOW THE LOSSES I HAD TO DEAL WITH CUZ OF HIM

he lived for too fuckig long in this show dammit it pisses me off that he's even a character that exists . i blame him for being the reason why i hate joke characters (except david ily david bfdi)

i dont wanna talk abt him anymore im gonna

OK OK BUT. 1 more thing. smore

smore is this guy that they introduced later on in the series and hes a FUCKING. DEMON FROM HELL and i need him so bad actually

i think at some point he tries to . kill mint too so im literaly making out with him rn oh my god HES SO

im so mad hes in object terror IM GETTING YOU OUTTA THERE BABY ‼ ‼ 🗣🗣

honestly tho he was so cool im a little mad that they introduced him so late into the show CUZ WE ONLY SEE HIM FOR LIKE 2 EPISODES GRAHHHH RAAGHHHH babygirl

anyways thats it i feel like theres more but im not gonna wring out any more object terror knowledge from my brain i think that'll kill me

hope u enjoyed my insanity anon heres a loser . hope this heals you

[merotwst]

[. there is no aesthetic lyric quote ]

‹. follow my rules or gtfo my blog ›

⑇

⑇

. i do not tolerate reposting art without proper credit to artists. if you want to be mutuals with me, i expect you to strictly abide by this rule otherwise i'm blocking you. (yes, you should be scared bcs i will call u the fuck out if i see u)

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. plagiarism and tracing are not welcome here.

. racists, homophobes, sexists etc. dont even try.

. no bullying. like i said, be kind. people are free to express interests around me. but i know some of my close friends express their love by affectionately teasing and that's ok! as long as we're close, ure fine. just don't go too far.

. i have a tendency to express love to people a lot. aka. friendly flirting. if you find that weird, that's ok. if you're uncomfortable with me doing it to you, please let me know <3.

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. do not... spam tag me. tagging me once or twice on things you want me to see is fine but don't tag me on every single post please. i will still see them on my feed. and it's very irritating to me when i see the same person tag me in 7 separate posts about an argument they had with a stranger on the internet in a span of 24 hours im sorry but that jus makes me wanna interact less.

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. im trying my best and i want my blog to be a safe space mostly for me and also for the people who interact with me. so please follow the rules.

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—more rules will be added but in the meantime, this is what i have and if you're going to follow, please abide by them. thank u, sending love.

© merotwst 2023

[gayyybuckyyy]

sit down, kids

bc im about to tell u a story

ok so abt 2 years ago i was trying to get into comics & i decided if i was gonna do this, i was gonna do it right, so i researched lgbtq+ characters in comics & after bouncing around some wikis for a while, i somehow ended up on the page of a character called Arnie Roth. he’s not a superhero, but he’s credited with being one of the first openly gay comic book characters so i decided to keep digging

& i am so fcking glad i did

this is Arnie Roth:

“But it hadn’t always been like this... No, back when they were both growing up on New York’s Lower East Side, during the depths of the depression, the blond-haired adonis was nothing more than a stick-legged young dreamer with his head in the clouds and his hands forever drawing. Arnie Roth was the same age as Steve Rogers -- but he was bigger, faster, stronger...” (Captain America #270)

sound familiar???/???//

ok but buckle the fuck up bc we just started this wild ride

the parallels between MCU Bucky & Arnie are staggering

they even “”””borrowed”””” ideas for steve’s story arc in tws

“... While Steve grew even more withdrawn after his mother’s death.”

R U SEEING THIS SHIT???

MCU Bucky is literally Arnie Roth. Instead of “they drifted apart,” the MCU tacked on the winter soldier plotline & called it a day. but is there rly any Bucky in this character? James Buchanan Barnes, the boy who was raised and orphaned on a military base, who became their mascot “Bucky” and later (when he was 16 btw) Captain America’s sidekick?? is that the man Steve is trying to recover? no. it’s Arnie Roth, his gay jewish best friend.

so wtf is the point of all this u ask? well, it’s simple:

MCU Bucky is gay.

marvel stole a story from a gay character to skirt a potential controversy, slapped on another character’s name (again, avoiding “controversy”) & they knew exactly what they were doing. now, i don’t know that they don’t have any plans to make Bucky a gay character. i also don’t know if the sun is gonna rise tomorrow but i’m pretty damn sure it will. 

to give an example: half of the mcs in thor: ragnarok are canonically lgbtq+ (Loki, Valkyrie), but there was absolutely 0 indication of that onscreen.

plus there was that whole thing with andrew garfield (tbh im a little murky on the details there but from what i gather it was... not good)

i could go on probably but that’s another post for another day.

the fact is this is so much more than just a character mash-up. this is about our stories, our history being completely erased.

still not getting it??? ok here’s some icing on the goddamn shitcake:

Arnie Roth was written into Cap’s backstory in 1982, around the start of the HIV/AIDS crisis, and became a recurring character. in a 1984 comic, when the LGBTQ+ community was still fighting the Reagan administration for federal aid in a growing public health crisis, Arnie was brainwashed by Baron Zemo & forced to say this:

From left to right: “No wonder the Nazies wanted my kind -- the weak, the misfits -- locked away in the concentration camps with the other pariahs! I’m a menace to society... a disease! and you, star-spangled idiot -- you call me friend! Wh-what does that say about you? Most people simply hate men like me... yet you always treated me w-with respect. C-compassion. Why? Is it because... you’re one of us?” (Captain America #296)

Cap’s response?

“You are not a freak!”

1st panel: “You’re as good and decent a man as I’ve ever known!”

2nd panel: “... They can’t corrupt your love for Michael with their lies any more than they can corrupt my love for Bernie! Do you hear me, Arnie? They’re the pariahs! They’re the disease! They--” (Captain America #296)

but of course this wasn’t just Cap talking to Arnie; he was speaking to the hundreds of thousands of LGBTQ+ youth who were struggling. & maybe it was just a panel in a comic book, but there is something incredible about a great hero, possibly your hero, saying he sees you, he accepts you, & you deserve love. That kind of story, the kind that works into the life of a character and embodies the history of a people, that can’t be forgotten. That can’t be erased.

& now marvel has, unwittingly perhaps, given this story more power than it’s ever had. imagine Bucky, who lost his memory when homosexuality was still against the law, seeing all the countries in which gay marriage is legal. imagine Bucky, who never saw the stonewall rebellion, going to Pride. imagine bucky, who fought in a war in which people like him were locked up in concentration camps, seeing the strength and diversity of the LGBTQ+ community. imagine a character who lived in a time in which he could not be himself discovering 70 years of progress & finding the strength to come into his own identity. 

All of this is within reach.

[yungstallyns]

I'd say it's fair to describe Izzy as homophobic but also more specifically Sissyphobic? His problem seems to be with effeminacy which is collerated with consenting vulnerability which is treated as a threat to the toxicmasculinity and hierarchical norms of the Pirating world outside of The Revenge. It's homophobia but it's the kind of gatekeepy, respectability politics homophobia.

Id say sure u can like interpret Izzy as homophobic sure. He definitely has toxic masculinity which is probably hand and hand with misogyny but my point was he didn't like try to out Lucius as gay but like I've seen multiple people claim he did which is very like definitively wrong and not what happened in the scene. Also didn't come close to even happening. He certainly has a problem with anything "effeminate" or things that don't fall into the macho sadistic pirate stereotypes tho we haven't seen him interact with anyone feminine outside of piracy, but my point is he hasn't done anything explicitly homophobic especially the scene that's been referenced more than once by ppl , definitely implies you can't be a pirate without being violent hard hearted and sadistic and definitely has toxic masculinity but that doesn't inherently mean homophobia but if it's interpreted that way that's totally your call I just am trying to say he hasn't done anything explicitly homophobic and wasn't trying to out Lucius when he was threatening him he was trying to threaten him with "infidelity" not use him being gay as a weapon.

[stargir1z]

i like pewdiepie! sorry! why does everyone on here hate him

[littlebabycrybtch]

honestly tho what the fuck is up with blaming the ace community when people realize they identified as ace because of internalized homophobia like,,,, do you seriously think people talk More about asexuality than they do internalized homophobia, even online,,,, and do you seriously believe that aspecs (a community where overlapping lgbt+ orientations are the Highest Majority) just Never discuss internalized homophobia,,,,,, and you believe this when ur exclusie asses are literally obsessed with making sure you never actually interact with or listen to the ace community unless its to talk shit and then leave like,,,,,, godddd we literally do all we can to make sure ppl in our community are being healthy yall are the ones who shoot down literally every single word we fucking say to make sure we’re hardly allowed to Have a community lmao you have no idea what ur talking about just say you ran out of excuses to hate the acey wacies and Go

[takumochi]

i need to vent lmao SOO ill be screaming in the tags as usual ---- read at ur own risk lmao

[nyxi-pixie]

nothing fills me with a more intense rage than straight!mike truthers saying they hope mike 'lets will down gently' or whatever.

like why would Will confess if mike is straight lmao??? as yall love to remind us all the time its the 80s??? if its unrequited w h y would he be like "oh hey mike ik u have a gf but im in gay love with u🥰🥰"???

(not to say mikes homophobic hes not(except to himself LMFAO sorry mike ik ur going thru it. i did too. hope ur alright) but i very much doubt the party sit down and talk abt their opinions on gay people😭😭 and mikes parents are reaganites so wills not gonna know how mike feels abt it and this is a dangerous situation for him?? plus he wldnt try to 'steal his sisters man' yall more off ur rocker insane than u think we are sometimes)

genuinely if it is unrequited (its not) i dont want will to confess. like if they want the whole tragic gay boy in love w his straight bestie have will cry to jon abt it or smthn😭

on top of everything else yall wanna see will get rejected like😭😭😭 also the whole gay person being rejected by straight friend is v much giving 'gay people pursue poor innocent straighties'. and like it isnt directly that. but it feels kinda like it. and its just an irritating trope.

anyway it isnt unrequited so this doesnt matter but i hate that take. i want to ban straight people from fandom spaces i am a gayte keeper❗❗❗in my heterophobia arc fr praying for vol2 to confirm mike fruitcup wheelers gay feelings🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

sorry i keep posting whole ass rambly essays but i have a lot of feelings okay???

[rotshop]

*manifests from a pile of shoes*

Could I request head-canons w/ Sanford and Sheriff for a Mag!S/o that kinda looks like siren head?

*re-enters the shoe pile*

-Boot/👢Anon

AUGH ok . ok so. so. um. uh. alright. uhm. i MIGHT have changed a few lil things here and there just so its a LIL easier 4 me ,,, sorry if this isn't what u wanted and if its a little short [runs away crying like an anime girl] /j

TW ; violence / fighting / some gore (?, not heavily detailed, briefly mentioned), injuries / gashes

Sanford

-im going to be completely honest ,you terrified him at first. LIKE. OK. sanford gets scared sometimes. he gets anxious and nervous. but seeing you crawl out and scream some deafeningly loud siren / radio static / etc was one of the moments he was genuinely petrified.

-chances are you came out when he was getting his ass kicked by some soldats / another mag. you felt some sort of pity for him (that or you just wanted a fight / them out of your area) so!!! you step in and start raising hell. it's too hard for soldats to properly shoot at you when they can barely see straight with the noise you're making and that mag has no chance to fight when you're already tearing them in two

-the entire time he's just laying there in shock as he watches you turn agents into unidentifiable masses like its nothing . he doesn't even think to like, run or hide because his brain is just barely processing anything going on at that very moment

-eventually you turn to him and INSTANTLY he goes 'oh shit' and tries to make a run for it before you cut him off by grabbing him and dragging him back. he tries to kick at you or try to (even though he knows DAMN well it wontwork) yell at you in some attempt to scare you off and obviously!! it doesn't work. instead of trning him into mystery meat though you instead just kinda. throw him over your shoulder and start walking???? ur tall as fuck so its !! not super funsies especially when u got blood loss status effect

-after a while you kinda (gently, a surprise to him) drop him down on the ground and go to look for something in some pile of boxes and debris. he KNOWS he should try running for it but he just?? cant??? something just kinda. tells him not to. you end up coming back before he can think better of it and you just??? grab his injured leg and start to try and wrap some gashes up??????

-thus is the start of a rlly weird friendship. he PROLLY cant bring u back to base (unfortunately :[ ) BUT he visits you real often. the other three all just kinda look at each other whenever sanfords super chipper and excited to go on some little 'mission' by himself. chances are he slips on his excuses one time and mentions u and they all just collectively go 'Who.' he (VERY reluctantly) introduces them to you, deimos screamed the second you crouched under an exit to walk outside

-they get used 2 u tho dw

-he LOVES fighting with you, people are fucking HORRIFED the second you walk in purely bc ur a gd powerhouse (and. yknow. for the more obvious reaosns too) which leaves them with a perfect blindspot for him to take advantage of. unfortunately tho agents are mean and homophobic so chances are they do say some shit that gets to you sometimes, this usually leads to him comforting you

-it's usually just you kind crouching and / or leaning way down while he kinda. pep talks you???r3 fhejvedD??? "listen, those aahw fucks don't know a single goddamn thing about you, I do though and I can say with 100% certainty you ain't just some kinda monster or sumn..you mean a lot to me, I care about you, ok?"

-also he acts huffy whenever you hold him but he secretly rlly enjoys it. chances are he struggles with kissing u bc ur just so damn tall !! however this leads to a system where he just kinda. taps on your leg or something so you lean down so he can kiss you

-i may have gotten a little caried away here. woops.

Sheriff

-aahw gave him you bc he asked for some kinda backup / a bodyguard and WHOO boy. yeah. yeah,,,,,,, /derogatory

-you ALSO scared him at first, as in him going completely silent and being squeaky whenever he does have to talk around you. (it's that one 'pov ur just a little hater' 'and?' pic but he's sobbing and shaking /j)

-it takes some raid where hank has him cornered for him to kinda come to his senses. he FULLY expected to drop dead when he seen the barrel of that gun pointed at his head until you fucking grab hank like a ragdoll and- do something. Sheriff squeezes his eyes shut before he can really see, all he can hear is popping and squelching and honestly!! that's all he cares to really hear!! he's good on not getting a visual. he's forced to open his eyes though when you're crouching down next to him and inspecting him for any injuries or anything like that with a surprising amount of gentleness

-it's just as bad afterwards but just in a new way. now he's always following you around like a lost puppy and staring at you. its. yeah. anytime you ask he always jumps and then stammers out some lame excuse (most times it does get him to go back to his office tho bc he completely falls apart hwen u point out how it doesn't make any sense)

-he tries?? showing off in front of you??? almost got his shit wrecked trying to show off his shot skill before you kinda yanked him out of the way and dealt with the bandits urself. he just kinda goes tense in ur hold before relaxing cus u've got him against ur torso / kinda on ur hip (?? if that makes sense) and he's just. 'aha :flushed:'

-you both cause chaos and problems on purpose, he does a lot of the distant shots or anyone who tries getting to ur blindspots / ones u dont notice, u do the same for him and most of the dirty work

-if you ever get injured he makes you lay down so he can help you out, huffs and fusses over you the entire time, scolds you (very gently) because!! what if you got seriously hurt >:[ !!! its ok tho because he gives you a kiss as an apology of sorts lol

-LOVES having you stand by him and seeing how people are obviously intimidated (he likes to think they're intimidated by the both of you but like. its very obviously just u making them nervous lol)

-also will kick a motherfuckers ass if they ever say some hurtful shit to you, YEAH he might be a coward and flighty but if someone treats you like that they're asking for it and just fucked w/ you AND him personally so!! :) /th

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content