#im still very happy that this event is happening :) it really does give me something to finally look forward to for the summer

[spookythesillyfella]

a silly comic for the tsp roadtrip thread by @/employee052 !!! ^_^

[taeyongdoyoung]

summary: your best friend brags complains that he can't get laid due to his huge dick posing a threat to random girls at parties, so you offer to fix his little big problem pairing: soobin x reader genre: smut, best friends to lovers warnings: explicit language, big dick soobin (canon event), size kink, foreplay, eating out, blowjob, hugging, fingering, size training, creampie, consensual intercourse, kissing, aftercare, allusions to death in a sexual context, lowkey possessive soobin at the end author's note: the killa is on my mind 24/7 and im down bad for soobin 25/8 🥵 so i had to get it out of my system somehow 🤷 word count: 2k

“You’re kidding, right?” you ask your best friend when he makes a rather shocking confession as the two of you are sitting in his bedroom after one of your usual anime marathons.

“I wish I was. But I would never lie to you,” Soobin responds truthfully. His big moist eyes look a 100% genuine but it still sounds so...bizarre.

“Let me get this straight…Every time you try to hook up with a girl at one of those parties Yeonjun keep dragging you to, you go to a room, eat them out like the generous, selfless guy you are, and then after you take off your pants, they get scared by your gigantic cock and refuse to have sex, running away in horror?”

“That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to explain for the past 10 minutes, yeah,” Soobin confirms with a very adorable pout on his stupid face.

You shake your head in utter disbelief.

“I’m sorry but this is just ridiculous. Any girl would be happy to hook up with a guy that has a huge dick.”

“Well, I guess not any girl ‘cause this shit has happened three times already and I’m at my limit. Why can’t I just get laid?” Soobin bemoans his tragic destiny.

“No, I don’t get it. The least they could do is give you a quickie or something to return the favour. It’s so rude to just sprint away. I can’t believe your cock is that terrifying.”

“Ugh, please stop saying that. It’s so embarrassing,” Soobin covers his face behind his big hands. Hold on a minute…

“If what you’re saying is true, then I think it’s pretty hot. Those girls are surely missing out.”

“Or maybe they’re just looking after themselves. Like…I’m not mad at them for being spooked out, I just wish I could finally get some, you know?” Soobin sighs.

“Death by dick does seem appealing,” you shrug.

“Y/N!” he exclaims.

“Listen, what if I make you an offer? You prove to me that you weren’t exaggerating about your size and I promise I won’t run away and will take care of your…frustrations.”

“Are you seriously suggesting this?” Soobin freaks out. “This could ruin our friendship.”

“I won’t be weird about it, I swear. What do you say?”

“Fuck it. I’m so horny that this actually sounds like a good idea,” Soobin admits. “Can I eat you out first?”

“Erm, if you insist,” you reply, suddenly feeling nervous.

“I just wanna take care of you, make sure you’re all nice and wet for me,” Soobin explains patiently.

“You really don’t have to,” you reassure him.

“I know but it’d be awkward for me to just whip it out. Please?”

“Oh…okay,” you really can’t imagine saying no when he’s asking you so sweetly. God, what did you get yourself into?

Soobin takes off your leggings and panties in one swift movement and pushes you down gently on the bed so you are in a lying position. He spreads your thighs apart and looks at your pussy, already glistening with wetness caused by the conversation you’ve been having. Soobin smirks but doesn’t say anything about it. You’re grateful for that as he dives in, licking and kissing all over you. Fucking hell, if his tongue is capable of making you feel this way, you are slightly unnerved to find out what his cock can achieve. But unlike those girls at the parties, you are determined to never run away from your best friend.

Soon enough, you reach your high, overwhelmed by Soobin’s insane tongue movements and his big hands gripping your thighs. You need a few moments to gather your thoughts and when you are finally able to speak, those are the first words that leave your mouth:

“I think they fleed because you eat pussy like a starved animal. Seriously, what the hell was that?”

Soobin chuckles nervously and runs his fingers through his black hair, pushing it back and exposing his forehead for a bit.

“Trust me, it’s not that.”

“Prove it,” you challenge him even though you are fairly certain he’s telling the truth. Your best friend has never lied to you, so why start now?

Soobin takes off his pants, his hands are shaking and you immediately feel bad. You put your hand on his in an attempt to calm him down.

“Hey, you don’t have to if you feel uncomfortable.”

“I do want this, but after so many failed attempts, I’m so anxious…”

“I’m not going anywhere, Soobin,” you insist and squeeze his hand reassuringly.

His skin complexion looks slightly less pale and your words seem to give him the confidence he so desperately needs. Moment of truth. Soobin takes off his boxers and…Oh damn, he was not exaggerating. He’s not just big, he’s so huge a part of you wonders how is it humanly possible to carry such a weapon around and maintain the gentle, humble composure with which Soobin carries himself.

“You’re not running yet,” he jokes.

“Soob?”

“Y-yeah?” his voice cracks, he is obviously terrified of what you’re going to say.

“I’m not gonna lie to you, I finally get why these girls ran away.”

“Oh,” he sounds a little dejected, as if already expecting you to go back on your offer.

“But! That’s not gonna stop me. Just tell me what you want first and I’ll try my best to make you happy.”

“Huh?” Soobin is too flustered to process your words.

“My hands, my mouth, or my pussy, what do you want first?”

“You mean…you’re willing to give me all of them?” he blinks in shock.

This poor, precious boy. Did he really face disappointment so many times that he is now looking a gift horse in the mouth with such uncertainty?

“Just pick, Soobie, I promise I’ll give you anything you need.”

“Um…can you suck me off? Please?”

Gosh, he’s so adorable you want to eat him.

You nod a little too enthusiastically and go down on your knees, taking as much of his cock as you can. It’s a tight fit but what you can’t put inside your mouth you make up for by wrapping your hands around him. You suck and lick and touch him, eager to give him as much pleasure as he did you. Your beloved best friend has obviously been frustrated for a while now because it doesn’t take him long to cum inside your mouth. There is so much you can’t manage to swallow it all despite your valiant efforts and you see some of it falling down your cheeks. You wipe it off with a finger, sticking it into your mouth, grinning widely at Soobin.

“Fuck, you’re incredible. What…how…are you okay?”

He presses his big palm against your cheek and it takes a lot of self-control for you to not melt right there and then.

“I’m great. Did…did it feel good for you?” you ask sheepishly.

You’re not particularly confident about your skills but you genuinely did your best for him.

“Are you crazy? It felt insanely good,” Soobin takes your hand, lifting you up and wrapping his arms around you in a hug.

“I’m glad,” you respond, feeling safer and warmer than ever before in your life.

“Do…you still want to…you know?” Soobin asks.

“If you’re asking whether you can put your cock inside my pussy, then yeah, go for it. As long as it’s something you want, of course.”

You keep reminding him to only do things he’s completely okay with, because you would hate to put your best friend in a situation he doesn’t enjoy just because of your greed.

“I want you so bad, you have no idea. But I think I’ll need to stretch you out a bit, yeah?”

“O-okay,” you quickly agree and in no time, Soobin’s long fingers are inside of your pussy, going deeper than your own have ever been and making you feel things you never even dreamed about.

“How does it feel?” Soobin asks in concern.

“Heavenly,” you admit and just as you’re about to reach your second orgasm, Soobin’s fingers leave you.

“N-no, why’d you do that?” you whine frustratedly.

“Wanna feel you come around my cock.”

As it turns out, you'd like this just as much so you quickly forgive him for ruining your orgasm.

“I think I have a condom in my-“ Soobin starts but you cut him off.

“I’m taking a pill. And I believe we’re both clean, so…”

“You gon’ let me fuck you raw?” Soobin inquires, not wanting to make assumptions.

“Yeah, I trust you,” you reply with conviction.

“You’re a dream,” Soobin chuckles and nudges the head of his cock against your moist entrance. You brace yourself for some level of discomfort and are surprised that it doesn’t come right away. Soobin takes his sweet time getting inside you, making sure you’re okay.

“Fuck, Soob, you're so big,” you moan, already feeling overstimulated.

“This is just the tip, baby,” he explains shyly, which makes you lose your mind.

Soobin goes deeper very slowly, making you feel every inch, stretching you out bit by bit.

“How much more?” you ask somewhat impatiently.

“Just a little bit. Can’t help it that your pussy is so tiny,” he teases you.

“Not my fault your dick is so gigantic,” you bite right back.

“I promise, I'll try my best not to split you in half,” Soobin jokes, which does little to ease your worries, but at the same time only makes you wetter.

“Keep talking to me,” you plead for him.

“Does it hurt?” he wants to know, as he keeps entering you further.

“It’s a good kind of hurt,” you explain, wincing slightly.

Once you’ve gotten used to it, you signal to Soobin that he can start moving and he does just that, fucking into you with an impressive speed. You try to meet him halfway, lifting your hips up for him, melting into one.

“You’re taking it so well, my darling best friend,” Soobin praises you relentlessly.

“Anything for you, Soobie,” you cry out in sweet bliss.

“I’m close,” Soobin confesses soon enough.

“Fill me up,” you beg him, almost in a daze, deeply affected by his overpowering presence.

He doesn’t need to be asked twice and spills his seed inside of you. It feels so good that you cum with him, walls clenching around his enormous dick. Soobin leans down to kiss you, further blurring the lines between friendship and…whatever this is.

Then, he takes his cock out and you realize something far more terrifying than his intimidating size - you are falling in love with your best friend.

Soobin quickly brings a towel and a bottle of water, taking care of you like no one else before. You want to cry, touched by his sweetness and falling even further.

“How do you feel?” Soobin brushes a piece of hair behind your ear.

“I feel…like I'm on another planet,” you confess shakily.

Soobin chuckles, visibly relieved to hear that.

“You’re so cute,” he murmurs, enveloping you in a hug. His large frame towers over you and if it was anyone else, you’d probably feel slightly threatened. But this is Soobin, and even though he just fucked your brains out, you feel completely safe and protected. Safe enough to be honest about how you feel.

“I know I promised not to be weird about it but…I don’t think I can go back to being friends.”

Soobin pales for a moment, scared of losing you.

“Why not?” he blinks, barely restraining his tears.

“I wanna belong to you,” you try to ease his worries by openly saying what your heart and soul desire.

“Oh…But baby, you already do,” Soobin suddenly beams with excitement. “And I belong to you, too.”

“I think you killed me a little,” you laugh. “Killed my pussy with your big cock and ruined me for other men.”

Soobin raises an eyebrow.

“Bold of you to assume that I’d let other men near your pussy. You’re all mine now.”

The End

[the-s1lly-corner]

Give me the GOODS

Angst

What would happen if eyeless jack didn't eat for a REAAALL long time, like he put it off and that back fired.

Bc his s/o happened to come around at the wrong time, and got attacked by him (accidentally)

If they live or die, that's up to you. But what do you think?

Aftermath of Eyeless Jack accidentally harming the reader during a frenzy

two things; idk how to title this andddddd i already wrote something like this a few months ago but i think im going to add more to it! beware linked post is very badly written because ! uhuh! anyways errrrm jack being an involuntary vessel for some funky demon shit my beloved hc anyways obvious cw for mentions of. well jack harming the reader on accident; in this post and the one linked above first post of the new year and its angst

assuming this is right after the events of the linked post, or within the days following that i think he would bar you from entering his cabin not long after he gets his... "meal"

emotions are definitely running high in this one, even if he tries not to show it. i mean you were the one he decided to bite a chunk out of, he doesnt care that he immediately spit it out. he didnt care that he scraped his tongue clean that night. in his eyes (or rather, his empty sockets) what he did was truly unforgiveable and he always feared something like this would happen

all of the reassurances you gave him now meant nothing now

honestly i think this might be grounds for him to break up with you; you did nothing wrong. hes putting all the blame on himself

torn between him having the balls to break up with you to your face or if hes going to pussy out and tell you through the door when you try to ask him to let you in

hell if it comes down to it he might even migrate to a new area if you keep trying to come to him and try to talk things out

heres the thing i talk a lot about how jack hates himself and how he was tricked into this whole botched human sacrifice thing that made him the way he is now. but i dont talk much about just how much he hates himself and how much of a toll that takes on his mental health

i mean think about it, overtime his humanity is literally slipping from him and theres nothing he can do. his 'blood frenzies' as i like to call him are eventually going to get worse and more frequent. not to mention hes going to keep losing more of his human features as time goes on. can you imagine what that does to someone? one day hes going to forget who you are and its going to end in disaster; assuming youre still alive and well when that happens... be it because he simply outlives you thanks to his new pseudo-immortality or worse

im kind of getting off topic but the point is hes going to sit in those thoughts and feelings for a LONG time, really for as long as hes still capable to form a coherent thoughts that isnt about his next meal

like the last post had at least a little bit of hope that maybe you guys will be able to move forward, but the more that i think about it i dont think you guys can bounce back from it. at least jack cant. doesnt matter how much you try to tell him its okay, or how many times you reassure him. if you dont scar its not going to help at all

but if the wound does scar? oh boy thats just going to make him sink deeper into his thoughts, probably making him lean more of cutting himself out of your life

no happy endings for you guys the moment this man slips up around you

[aroace-poly-show]

I couldn't stop thinking since your post about wxs parents, or more specifically the tenma parents, bc they actually interest me a lot

Because like, the tenma mom DOES actually come up sometimes in saki and tsukasa's side stories and an area conversation. And not just the fact she taught them to play piano, i mean more familial situations. She even appears by herself and it's usually when they're at the house and she seems really sweet and caring actually

And also whenever Tsukasa brings her up (which he seems to do more often than Saki? Or at least from the stories I've read, i might be wrong) he speaks of her in a way that seems quite fond and might imply that she is around at the house at least usually

In contrast, though, the tenma dad almost NEVER comes up. Like the only time I remember him being mentioned (that is NOT about tsukasa bringing up That Show they watched as kids or the family visiting saki at the hospital bc that's obvious they're there) was once in the hinamatsuri event about how he bought the doll stand and some helmet when they were little? smth about how he impulse buys things

And that was it. He didnt even appear

He's never actually appeared by himself at the house or any side story to my knowledge (do correct me if I'm wrong) and he doesn't SEEM to be around the house on a daily basis at all

Even in the past when tsukasa stayed at home alone it was tenmama he got calls from, at least the one they showed us

Tenpapa's job is also never mentioned unlike tenmama's. And like tenmas are implied to be at least somehow recognisable or respected of a family, or at the very least by people like the Aoyagis since they are always stated to hold them in such regard, but is it just about tenmama playing the piano? Or maybe there's smth more about the dad that we don't know?

He's just. Such an enigma. We barely have any crumbs. Even in that image of baby tenmas seeing a show for the first time from the beginning of wxs main story shows a little bit of tenmama, like we can see her hair and all, but we can only see tenpapa's hand

It's just... where is he?? At work? What does he do?? Why don't they talk about him that much??? Why won't they show him in side stories??? Am I reading too much into it???

He makes me so mad pls Sega tell me more about the tenma family im insane about them

ANYWAY sorry for writing almost an entire post in your asks it was supposed to be shorter but I accidentally spiralled deeper

Anyway tsukasa and saki definitely love their parents and at the very least the mom seems like a rly caring and overall present person in their lives. They never say anything bad about the dad either if they ever do. They seem like good parents overall. The whole tsks neglect thing, yes, of course it wasn't a good decision to leave him alone at home, but it doesn't make them bad. Tsukasa never even mentioned anything that could imply he holds it against them and ik he is stupidly forgiving sometimes and sometimes forgets about himself but still. You get me. Besides we don't really know the extent of it all so shsuhd

We just need more tenma lore dammit

do not apologize for long asks they make me very happy to read :3

i didn’t know all that abt tenmamom though!!! i practically never read side stories so. yeah no wonder i missed her fjbsjdbajdn

sega please give us more tenmadad content. or any at all really…..

and yeah!!! i can understand wanting angst but the tenmas are genuinely a happy family and they make me happy :3 i don’t think of his parents as bad even with tsukasa’s childhood bc like, it wasn’t something they wanted to do yk. doesn’t mean what happened with tsukasa wasn’t Bad ofc. either way i love the tenmas. sega can we get more tenma lore. please

[thegoldencontracts]

So the game itself refuses to give Azul any progress when ti comes to his food issues right? all it does is reference them over and over again but never do anything about it.

Makes me imagine a scenario that could have happened in book 4 where Kalim holds a banquet and the tweels convince him to at least have a bite. And Azul DOES, and we get a moment where he praises Jamil for his cooking and Jamil getting to be proud about receiving praise from someone else... it's so simple why can't they let him grow... that's all it would have taken to show he's genuinely progressing. The same way Cater/Trey say "Riddle's been way more chill with the rules lately" (paraphrase) they could have simply had Azul say "We already had lunch?" and one of the tweels go "Oh yeah, you did eat a decent meal already." in their own way.... he's not immediately fixed but he ate enough to make THEM happy with it so that must mean something!?

Disney pleaaaaaaseeeeee pleassseeeeeeeee Im begging u make zuzu go to therapy PLEASE

Azul isn't necessarily better altogether but he's making progress and that's what counts... makes me wanna go into the messy aftermath of his overblot sm (if you don't mind ydaz though I can rec a no thank you helping by siffy) also stares at ch. 11 of Part of your world angrily because it wont write itself for me and it's the only thing stopping me from starting book 3 and delving into all of azul's misery

Also... Azul talking about octopodes more happily. Azul being willing to share details about his childhood...

But yeah there is one subtle example of this (very subtle, to the point where I wonder if im just overanalyzing this) in the glomas event where azul is actually willing to eat a croissant even if he's still holding back... wish they did more though esp in book 4

Also quick yap time I feel like book 4 just didn't really... show azul improving all that much. It showed his true intellect when he isn't bogged down by 1 million issues, yeah, but at the same time it didn't actually dive into his improvement all that much. Book 3 showed Leona being more openly kind, book 2 showed Riddle being less strict, Book 5 showed Jamil being more honest, 6 showed Vil actively admitting his errors and being willing to give up his own beauty, and I haven't read book 7 yet so I can't comment on Idia but from what little I've seen it does show him working with others so... progress.

But Azul? Azul's improvement is never actively portrayed. You could say his plan was better than his plan in book 3 but that's about it.

Anyways I think Azul should've gotten more open growth... feel free to argue or yell at me about things I got wrong etc.

[i-am-probably-alive]

Hellenite

Is there ever that one writer that you keep on going back to, over and over, even if you have read and analyzed every single one of their works? And it still gets better each time? There is for me. Fucking Helleniteeeee. I left the DSMP fandom like almost a year ago, yet I still go and have Hellenite binge reads on the regular.

Ad astra was my gateway drug, De Terra is still my favorite fic of all time like ever, possibly even better than most published books I’ve read, anything from LiTWS brings me immense comfort, and Fading Lights….that one stuck with me really really REALLY hard. So did all the other ones, but yknow. That’s a bittersweet ending done right, man. I absolutely adore everything in Hellens style of writing. From the beautiful, captivating description to the absolutely remarkable use of italics, each and every fic has left me crying and begging for more. But there’s three parts that Hellen just does so well, that it honestly shocks me that the whole first page of DSMP isn’t stuffed, head to toe, with Hellenite’s work.

1: Theme

Tackling this first, cause i have a LOT to say about this. Cause, HOLY SHIT!!! Theme! I absolutely just HDRTHHFGGJGJHAZJ. I’m not saying other writers haven’t pulled off themes in fanfic well before, cause they have! But the way Hellenite does it just hits different. Everything has a moral, in one way or another. And the moral is something genuine. Something real, something that happens in real life and that is represented perfectly in all her works. Like, okay. Event Horizon: You can change, you can improve. You are not your past, you are not your family, you are not your mistakes. As long as you’re trying, You’re on the right path. Things don’t get better immediately, they take time. A long, long time, but you are allowed to be happy along the way. Healing is a process, not a teleportation device. LiTWS: A relationship, be it romantic, platonic or familial, can be complicated. They can be difficult to maintain, but you love the other person, so you will work at it to solve your issues. It’s okay to fight, as long as you can acknowledge when you screw up. Communicate. Fading Lights: Life is difficult, but that doesn’t mean you should try and escape it. Find the right people who care about you, even if at the moment you feel or are complete shit. You can recover.

everything just leaves a special impact, because those messages come through. And they come through strong, without being all “LOOK AT ME IM HERE”. It’s just. Wow.

2: Character Development

Change is a very prominent feature in Hellens stories, and it never feels clunky or out of place. You genuinely feel it, but you can’t pinpoint the exact moment things change. Like how in the beginning of Ad Astra, we feel genuine dislike, and very quickly, hatred for Ran. But over time, that changes, and we see how Ran develops and improves. There’s setbacks, there’s relapses, but the change is there. In LiTWS, the relationship goes from somewhat forced, to fully, truly, genuine. Struggles and all. In FL, Tubbo….well. In the beginning, he was an addict who had a gruffish attitude, who was pushing away from society and his friends. He feared that he was turning into his father. He had awful self esteem. By the end, he was willing to change. He was willing to give up smoking and drinking and willing to put himself in an environment that involved Tommy. Change, change, change.

I think it’s all really well done. Cause people change, it’s natural. And it’s done so well here.

3: Love

The way Hellen writes love makes me wish I was in it. But not because it’s written as an all happy and sunshine solution to all wrong. It’s not. It’s written as a strong, complicated emotion. It isn’t written as a one-size fits all. It’s written as something rooted in our hearts that WE get to define, and WE get to use. We love, and it is not a weakness. Love is not a superpower. We all are capable of it, and it doesn’t have to be romantic. Love is…love. It’s so, so SO strong, and I think that this one element is what’s made me cry so much while reading Fading Lights or De Terra or whatever it is. Love. Such a strong meaning for such a small word. I go to Hellens stories and take notes on the way it’s written because it’s just. I hate stories that focus on love, generally. Mostly because they’re written as if it has to be this huge, romantic beats-all card, where the only thing that defines it is the word itself. The characters have to say it for us to know it, and even after that, we don’t believe it. Hellen writes it as it is, which is a difficult feat. These fics are just…wow.

All in all, the way Hellen writes, not only in short term by description and beautiful scenery, but in long term too, leaves such a strong impact. Hellen is definitely, without a doubt, the writer who has most inspired, motivated and influenced the way I write and even the way I think. Hellen has left such a positive mark on me that I’m confident I would be entirely different without having read that one gateway fic. I forgot to mention this, but I read Ad Astra while in a reading slump, and when I say it pulled me out…

also, the concepts in and of themselves are so creative and good and original?? Like how?? And the WORLDBUILDING DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE WORLDBUILDING. HOW??? How does one just make a world so convincing and make it feel so real?? And explore upon it without making it feel like pointless exposition???

TLDR; A year ago, these fics broke into my house, put me in a chokehold, and demanded it be allowed to live there rent free. It still has me in a chokehold, and I give it muffins sometimes.

Theres so much More i can say, and I will probably say it in different posts later. but for now..

I love Hellenites stories more than I love Interstellar, and that’s saying something cause I was a mess by the halfway point of that movie.

Thank you, Hellenite, for each and every one of your stories.

I can’t wait for WGBITN.

(P.S: I realize I sound like an insane fangirl, but whatever. I most likely am one.)

[thesmallworldofsamizayn]

some thoughts about 'kayfabe compliance'

i don't have 'moral issues' with RPF but i do engage with it on quite a different level to regular fanfiction (except john and paul they're a secret third thing to me but i digress). it's hard to fully put my finger on what's different about it, maybe there's a much stronger sense of thinking "this isn't real" the whole time because the disconnect between actual full people ive become parasocial with and the AO3 interface with fanfic tropes on it is much greater. anyway, it's a whole different mode of engagement is the point, so reading wrestling fic has a tendency to be a VERY whiplash inducing experience, due to how fast and loose one can play when it comes to what is the text we are writing fanfiction about here. cue a ramble

the basic divide is kayfabe vs shoot, where a fic is either about the fictional wrestling personas in their storyline, as if wrestling is just a very strangely set up long form soap opera (which it is), or it's RPF about the wrestlers themselves, and will reference their fictional personas as just that, fictional. both are fine and chill, i personally vastly prefer the former not just because it's less uncomfortable but also because, well, that's where all the conflict and angst is and I did sort of come here for that. but the existence of the second option is so interesting, because it's not actually a basic divide, it's a bizarre spectrum and nothing is certain. using sami and kevin as the illustrative example:

the very fact that throughout a 'shoot' fic, sami will still be called, well, sami. if he's called his real name you know you're in full speed ahead RPF mode, but using 'sami' places a layer of fictionality onto the whole thing, as if this is still a made up story about wrestling, it's just a story about wrestlers making up stories. i've never read any drag queen fanfic but i'd guess this is the same effect as using the drag names and writing about their reality TV personas which are varying degrees of authentic, but all basically created for audience entertainment, so is it even 'real people' fanfiction?

stories about el generico where el generico is sami in a mask, but wrestling is real. so he really loses/wins matches, he really gets betrayed and hurt by kevin, but the gimmick is kayfabe, meaning kayfabe also exists but then what is real and what's acting doe sit matter

this is a small thing but it speaks to the whole mindfuck, which is a fic in which kayfabe doesn't exist, everything wrestlers experience happened for real, but wrestling jargon keeps appearing like 'mark', 'bump' and most maddeningly of all 'jobber'! who's jobbing! they're just losing fights!

and then there's just the level at which the writer simply does not give a fuck about any supposed 'rules' and just picks and chooses what's kayfabed and what's not. case in point, a fic i read last night which started as a clear shoot/rpf fic - kevin and sami in the aftermath of Battleground, congratulating each other on putting on such a banger and chilling out in the locker room. only for the fic to reveal half way through that kevin's betrayal at r evolution was real he and sami just made up and i guess decided to keep the feud going for TV. sami went into his pre planned semi choreographed match with his best friend to conclude the story that began with said friend nearly breaking his back for real.

and all that is very cool, but the thing is it means such a different thing to me when i perceive something as entirely fictional vs actual feelings and events with the real person who made that fictional thing. i want the real person to be happy. i want an uncomplicated unmessy parasocial relationship there. i want the fictional character tormented in agony, and i usually specifically seek this out in fic. so when i enter a story, and it's not clear from the get go if im reading about fictional characters who caused each other terrible pain, fictionalised versions of real people who get along very well as far as we know and who are untouched by that pain, or some strange mixing and matching of the two, there's a real tension there as my brain tries to recalibrate what kind of narrative engagement is about to occur

[heatwa-ves]

sorry i know this is coming from nowhere but please tell me about izumi i deleted the game before i ever learned anything about him 💔

oh my god ok. don't apologise I'm always always ready to infodump about my favs 💖

so. izumi is part of knights ofc and he's actually the person who made the unit along with leo back when their previous unit chess broke down. long story. he's also a model and has been modelling since his childhood which is where he first met naru and makoto.

he is uh. a bitch. in the nicest way possible he's such a bitch. in lionheart he describes himself as someone who's unable to be honest with himself so he comes off really harsh and rude but he does genuinely care about the people he's close to especially knights and also makoto.. sora describes him as having a very kind color and if sora says it you know it's true

his relationship with makoto is uhhhh. obsessive. they were really close as kids when they were modelling but lost contact due to I believe izumi changing agencies? something like that. makoto quit modelling and now they're at yumenosaki together and after the events of checkmate (izuleo relationship got really codependent and they were doing Very Bad mentally and leo ended up not coming to school for months bc he was Really Depressed) izumi got even more attached and obsessive over makoto as both a replacement for leo leaving and, to quote the wiki, was depending on him for happiness. also he kidnapped makoto at one point. anyway makoto was obviously Very Uncomfortable with this. over time now izumi is a bit more stable nd leo is back and they're less unhinged he's giving makoto more space and their relationship is less. yeah. but still not perfect like izumi is still a little obsessive.

I'd talk in detail about his relationship with leo but I wrote another whole thing on that so I'll just talk a bit, basically they met in first year became friends and it developed into leo seeing izumi as his muse and izumi relying on this for validation because he is honestly kinda insecure but would never let anyone know that bla bla bla leo left bla bla leo came back and now they're good! izumi still blames himself for leo breaking during the war and leo feels guilty for hurting izumi and izumi still struggles with loving and being loved but he's learning and they're messy but they're trying 💖 me when characters are healing and growing as people... aughgh... love them to death I reread lionheart earlier and was having a category 5 izumi moment he makes me feel unwell...

rn he and leo are living together in florence where they're working on modelling and composing respectively and they come back to japan semi frequently for knights activities

he's also really good friends with naru they also met as kids when modelling and have remained friends she will counter his bitchiness with her own <3 but they do genuinely have a level of understanding of eachother that no one else gets like there's a few scenes in euthanasia that really show it especially at the end where they talk about a shared desire to be adored.. one of my fav scenes in the entirety of enstars I love you euthanasia

izumi was really spoiled as a kid and his parents were really protective over him (only child moment) but because of that they were always the ones deciding things for him and he had very little agency of his own, he says in next door how his parents just wanted an ideal doll like child who's do as he was told, they loved him but they didn't love HIM if that makes any sense.

he's a huge tsundere (they say it about him in canon im allowed to say it too) even to leo who he's closest to like for leos birthday line he says "I just happened to be in the country it's not like i came just for you..." and near the end of main story he says texting leo is annoying because he takes a while to reply and loses his phone and I don't like waiting it's not that I'm worried when he takes long to reply...

also he is canonically a cat person and the official character introduction essentially describes him as cat coded which brings me great joy and he hates the summer... just like me fr.. and more fun facts he plays tennis and can knit!! a girlie of many talents!

anyway I think I will leave it here for now if you want to know more I am ALWAYS happy to talk about izumi.. he's my favorite character of all time and means the world to me

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

(for your event) hii i really like your posts! ヾ(＾∇＾) im new to tumblr and your account really drew me in! i would like to participate in the event!🦢👒

about me: i go by she/her at the moment i am still trying to find what’s right for me! i am a libra (scorpio rising). i very much enjoy broth based dishes like pho, ramen, soups, etc. i am a picky eater and don’t really like dairy products… (´∀｀) my love language is physical touch and i don’t mind the gender of the character. my favorite characters are yami, charlotte, fuegoleon, and noelle! i love how strong they are and the dynamic personalities they have (≧▽≦)! i am very much an infp-t, my most prominent attribute is my empathy towards others. my heart aches for mars, rill, and luck, i just wanna give them a big hug ╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯ i’m very inspired by art and symbolism and LOVE LOVE LOVE classical music!!

thank you very much for considering my ask! i’ve never really done one of these before but i hope to do more in the future! have a great day! ( ^_^)／

Hello! ^^

Welcome to Tumblr! I hope you enjoy your stay ^^ And I hope you have a great day too!

I just love your energy, and partly because of that I match you up on a blind date with...

Rill Boismortier

He is very energetic, caring, passionate and tries his best to cheer people up! He approaches the world through curiosity and is open to new things, especially new view points. You never know where the latest inspiration for a new masterpiece might arise, so he has to keep an open mind.

This would apply to food. So during mealtimes or dates, he'd approach that as a form of art. Both cooking and eating. So if something doesn't inspire your palate, he gets it. It just doesn't have "it", so to speak. And inspiration is something you can't force.

While you can try new things, and seek out new experiences, it's ultimately something you can't make happen, if it isn't to come. That's just how it is.

He'd love talking to you about your interests, and to learn that your passions are similar to his, would make him extra excited! If anything, seeing you happy and smiling and enjoying something that he is able to connect with, sparks his creativity.

I do also see him being very physically affectionate when he gets the "all clear", because it's not something he's used to. But he does have a lot of energy, and would give very tight hugs in return.

I'm sure that you two would be able to talk about art, music and symbolism for hours on end, and perhaps even make art as you do. Perhaps even a date where you spontaneously grab paint brushes and paint what comes to mind. You'd be each other's muses

[suffarustuffaru]

Marone!

Sexuality Headcanon: either straight or like. she just Generally has a type (soft, sweet, poor little meow meow -) and therefore does not care about the gender of her partner.

A ship I have with said character: REGIN SUWEN/MARONE FOR THE WIN. i just think they make sense together!!! their personalities mesh really well.... marone is all headstrong and regins more passive yes but theyre also both very earnest sweet people and they balance each other perfectly <3 i also love how marones become regin's vet assistant (her love of animals too T^T her growing fond of ground dragons more after being saved by frufoo...)!! and the tsuchigumo (this little spider-looking spirit iirc from one of the otto related side stories, for those who dont know) is BASICALLY THEIR CHILD NOW.... i love their little family i hope marone and regin get happily married <33

A BROTP I have with said character: OTTO AND MARONE OF COURSE. bad luck buddies who get really headstrong <33 aaa just theyre very sweet!! and similarly to regin, otto is also. More Submissive, in a sense. so of course otto and marone balance each other nicely - and i just think marone's "number two" nickname for otto IS SO SWEET ITS SO. URHGHG I FEEL LIKE IM INHALING SUGAR FROM HOW SWEET IT IS. it makes my little heart melt T^TT and i love the backstory of their little chance encounter where they escape from the bandits trying to sell them into slavery, and then the fact that marone doesnt want to go too far from her hometown so she can find otto again!!! aaa T^TT love them. i also just really like how much otto/regins designs look alongside marone!!! her red hair vs their calmer colors and ottos green is so <333

A NOTP I have with said character: i dont really have any that im very Insistent on.... ig like otto/marone (romantic)? bc they WOULD NEVER.... otto knows his brother is head over heels for her and otto and marone give me sibling energy. they're future siblings in law anyway!!!!!

A random headcanon: MARONE. MAYBE GETS REGIN TO QUIT SMOKING. I DONT KNOW IF FANTASY WORLD CIGARETTES HAVE HEALTH CONSEQUENCES BUT LIKE. MY DUDE YOU ARE A DOCTOR. HAH. regin and otto out here with smoking and drinking respectively as their vices.... they need anxiety meds or something i swear.

additionally.... in pride and wrath if of course, otto becomes a debt slave. i like to think that marone becomes interested in the idea of saving other people from slavery / almost slavery like what otto did for her...... we know that otto saved her months before the start of like. arc 1 i think?? so its like. that event still happened in pride and wrath if. and we know that otto eventually dies in pride if.... im sure the suwens found out about his death somehow, especially if hes just not talked to them for a While... maybe marone could help find out what happened to otto? because im sure it is Worrying when the person in the family with notoriously bad luck has been Completely Silent for a little too long. i doubt pride/wrath otto would contact any of them - he wouldnt want them getting involved. but marone seems like the type that would get involved!!! i think shes smarter than she looks!!!!

General Opinion over said character:

SHE IS SO SWEET. I ADORE HER. SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'D GIVE GREAT HUGS... I LOVE HER PASSION... i wish the best for her <3 and i think she should get to go insane. shes like... she seems all happy go lucky but her backstory of like :( being sold to bandits as slaves because the people in her town had to give some women over so the city wouldnt get attacked... and then she was there for a while and got saved by otto T^TT and then tsuchigumo stuff happens and she literally just goes "let me tell you about my (totally not tragic) anime backstory to lighten the mood!! :DDD" and then EVERYONE thinks shes bad luck after that.... poor girl :(( but also she is SO STRONG for still being so determined and passionate!! like she KNOWS otto saying he killed bandits on accident is complete and total bullshit. she knows he gave her his own money and not "bounty money". AND THEN SHE LITERALLY SAYS THAT SHES TIRED OF HIDING AWAY AND WAITING AROUND AND TAKING THE WEIGHT OF CRIMES SHE DIDNT COMMIT AND HOW "That frail lady logic isnt my thing at all!" shes so. there may not be too much to her because shes like. a Pretty Minor character. but whats there is so good with the small amount of screentime she has. she eats up every scene shes in. her like Surprising sharpness with how shes fed up with Bullshit (ottos bullshit... and going out to go and do something about the tsuchigumo situation...) is such a neat contrast to her softness too (and makes her a great character to balance out, say, regin or otto)!! shes so cool. i admire her always.

[lilysmiles11223345]

ITS BEEN A WHILE BUT I DID IT \o/

I was able to finally get myself to finish these drawings >:D this post will be about my characters in @bobmirum ‘s mafia au!! :D

Your au is lovely and it’s given me many cool story ideas >v< so many I could not fit them into here properly -w- im hoping to be able to write a fic with those ideas and maybe post it soon! :D💗

TW: Some of the info will be very dark, there will be lots of serious topics! this au is based on something already pretty serious irl(mafias)- so Ofc I had to add my own spins <3

~read more for the info/drawings!~

~fiore(Anthea)~

“A kind and gentle florist, one that just so happens to be peppino’s childhood friend. She seems to see the good in most and that includes peppino— as she is completely clueless to him being the right-hand man to a mafia

To be fair, peppino does try and keep her in the dark about it too- she isn’t allowed to visit any of his restaurants for this reason. But it does seem that the idea of peppino being in such a situation is a topic she’s most oblivious on. As if she couldn’t really see him as evil in any shape or form— and if she knew, perhaps that wouldn’t change at all.

There are times she can defend herself, though there are rumours that a traumatic event happened in the past that had caused her to have forgotten parts of her past— including the traumatic event. peppino was there for the event, and wants to keep her safe and protect her from danger like that from now on. Though, Knowing it’d be risky if she got too involved with him he doesn’t visit her often, but when he does he still can’t help but get a bit soft…

Though when someone on pizzaheads side discovers their closeness.. will Anthea still be shielded from all of this?”

Fun fact! I came up with this whole backstory before I even knew about this au <3 it was for normal evil peppino at first! I just changed It ever so slightly for the mafia au! Though I understand the love for evil X evil I also really like evil X oblivious sweetheart so much >v<

I also decided her being a florist would be best in this au >:3 like to imagine that peppino listens to her ramble on about flower meanings— and eventually he started secretly asking her for flowers to give secret messages and stuff >:D she probably does get the meanings of the messages he’s putting together with flowers but because he just says they are for one of his restaurants she just brushes it off, thinking it’s slightly odd.

~mutey/masky(mute)~

“A loyal guard dog. Masky is apart of pizzaheads little gang- and to an extent Darling’s part of it too, though cares more about Noise than anything else involved. They and noise had known each other since childhood- and have had history together. Noise was there for most of masky’s trauma— so they are greatful and plan to stay with noise through anything.

when noise started gambling— they didn’t really like that, but felt powerless to stop him..

Instead they opted to help noise in other ways, making sure to protect him and doing little things for him. Now and then they would slightly try and protest on the addiction, but when that failed they wouldn’t do more but continue to stay by his side through it.

Now, they ended up working at pizzahead’s casino with noise— though they never wanted to be involved in the first place they wouldn’t want to get out of this mess without noise— so they silently repress their own feelings and do any job they are told to.

..though if it ever came to them finally standing up for themself, and disobey darling.. would they still be alive to keep noise happy?”

Mute is probably the biggest simp in this au AND that’s saying something 😭👍

Like normal mute also can’t talk- so they’d have to find some other way to communicate such as cherades, a whiteboard or a voice box ^w^

Noise despite not really realising how important they are to him— understands mute very easily still too..

Since noise seems more focused on making money in this au - it takes a while but eventually he comes to realize how important mute truly is to him.. but, the problem is it may be too late before that happens 😔👍

~whippy/sugar(Chelsey)~

“Whippy works for pizzaheads little gang, but more for Darling herself. She used to be a highly trained assassin but with some “small talk”, Darling was able to “convince” her to work for her. For the most part she is only needed as a bodyguard for Darling, though there are times she is given jobs to kill someone.

With such a cold expression, you’d expect a heart completely void of love. Though this is what she’d like you to believe— not only does she take care of two orphaned twins as her own siblings (after her real ones died in an “accident”), she had caught feelings for a specific cop(vigi).. and even fully knowing that her love was unrequited - she couldn’t stop herself from getting a bit soft around him.

It’s possible that this crush weakens her slightly, and may even make her hesitant to do one of her jobs in the future..

Though if it ever came to him being her target, and the safety of the twins relied on it— how could she ever deal with the possibility?”

Yeah if you thought mute gets hit hard in this au- Chelsey’s angst may be a contender for my favorite in this au~ she is completely taken over the edge and never will be able to be truly happy 😔

Cause yeah, it’s possible mute and noise could get together maybe- but Chelsey and vigi? In this au?? Impossible. Poor Chelsey 😔👍

~darling(mrs.Neapolitan)~

“a sweet face huh? Her charm and mesmerizing features are enough to fool most into a false sense of security- though Darling has never been the most sane of people.

She’s definitely good at keeping up a sweet and caring persona to most, though in reality she enjoys most people’s suffering, and is pretty manipulative to others. This goes to all she knows, except for one..

Pizzahead.

It’s unknown at how long they’ve known each other, but a while ago she had joined in on helping with pizzahead’s gang, working for the casino in secret and keeping her “mostly” innocent makeup brand separate.

She’s madly in love with pizzahead and is very loyal towards him, she watches others that work for him (and her) to make sure they keep in line, and isn’t afraid of dispelling punishments to those she sees are lacking slightly..

When she figures about the quarrel between peppino&gustavo’s gang and pizzahead’s gang, she immediately takes matters into her own hands to find a way to take peppino and Gustavo down..

And when she discovers peppino’s weakness, his childhood friend.. let’s just say things get a bit interesting..~”

I made her so pretty but so evil,, I hope you guys still like her 🥺

I did really like having the chance to do a human design for her~ I hope her design still translated her ice cream themes!! <3

Fun facts:

-You will find that all the characters names in this au (or well- nicknames) are names someone important calls them . “Fiore” is what peppino calls Anthea, “mutey” is what noise calls mute, “sugar” is what vigi calls Chelsey, and “darling”.. is actually just what everyone calls her but yeah ;v;’ it originated from pizzahead. :D

The only two with seperate nicknames that others call them is Chelsey and mute , others call mute “masky” and Chelsey “Whippy”. :)

-I have ideas for the missing two ocs too (strawbetty and Evi) BUT Evi’s doesn’t have enough structure yet and strawbetty’s will come later— it’s definitely boring compared to everyone else’s story’s LOL <3 strawbetty’s nickname would be berrie tho!

-mute was just starting to warm up to noisette and even crush on her too when noise and her broke up- they had to quickly get back on noise’s side after.

I hope you like them!! As I said I’m trying my best to write a fic with what happens to them all~ I may post it when it’s done! ^w^

also I put alot of effort into this but it’s possible I may have messed up somewhere and I’m so sorry if I did! ;v; I hope you all like it anyway ^^

May even skip ahead to do the good parts, who knows >v<

That’s all for now, thank youuuu!! QwQ

P.s I will draw the canon mafia au characters as soon as my brain lets me!! >:D

[feridsluver]

What's your favorite thing about Ferid?

• Why I love ferid •

Dude didn't know what he signed up for.

Anyways here you go 🥰 this is my assignment for ferid and my unconditional love for him :)

Quite frankly I love ferid for everything. Literally the whole being.

(Hint: I am a big fan of ignoring reality so I spent 90% daydreaming)

Tw: cringe

For one, I love ferid’s character. He is explained well from the smallest detail and he is one of the few characters that isn’t there for fan service.

He is a character that actually questions on why the world is the way it is, he is the eyes for the reader to understand the story and how it developed. Thus, he gives me the feeling that I am watching the story from a person that doesn’t fit into the whole story plot. He is so unique, that in a way he doesn’t suit the whole story but still does. He is often portrayed as a spectator like when he watches the fight happening in volume 4 Chapter 12. Another example is when he took the form of a candle in chapter 40-61. Furthermore I’d like to imagine that the story is like a screen. Ferid just watches the story from the other side. He doesn’t break the fourth wall but he indicates the reasoning behind many things. He questions why exactly there’s this conflict between humans and vampires, he also questions a purpose. Like when he asked shikama doji on why exactly he is a vampire. And that makes him even more relatable to me. Unlike most protagonists, who only serve as fighting, thirst trap vessels (exaggeration) he actually strives more into depth of life and a lot of people still look for this spark. Which he also does a lot.

Furthermore, i love the idea that whilst he is a very philosophical persona, he also is funny and charismatic and mysterious. So he isn’t this arestoeles character where you expect him to have no chill about things. No instead he goes with the flow of the situation. That really sticks out as this whole thing feels like a juxtaposition. I like these sorts of characters overall, that just do as they please even if it is morally grey. ( Overall I am a slut for morally grey ppl) And that is where I think that ferid’s ‘’pedophilic’’ acts serve more of a purpose of getting what he wants; reactions. The more disturbed the person is, the better it is for him. Which we see on numerous occasions. His sadism in chapter 1 where he was amused of the faces when he murdered children. Or once when Crowley was so desperate to kill ferid that he believed anything that came out of ferid’s mouth. Even more so, ferid had a good laughter when he got his eyes gouged out of his skull. Even prior to that event, he killed the noble that everyone thought was the vampire. He loved seeing Crowleys face twist in a shocking manner. So im not surprised that ferid would touch a minors butt for him to be amused. Again ferid ignores the concept of boundaries and privacy which we should all know. Another example to back the emotional part up: He blocked Yuu’s path and mentioned a game. Now Genius me over here remembers in Chapter one where ferid also said that the slaughter will be an amusement for him. Obviously that made yuu mad (due to the flashback of his trauma) and Ferid had his entertainment. This man impersonates sadism and im all here for it. So I would say ferid is more crazy/lunatic than a pedo. I think this is a beautifully complex character that was created. He is so morally twisted in his own ways and kagami used so many tools for these twists to happen. His character is so scrumptious and delicate, I was very blown away to be honest.

Another very important point for me is that he is my biggest comfort character. I am very happy that my brain found something where it doesn’t say that it’ll discard it and not give me dopamine from it. No, ferid is actually able to help me in a personal situation . In my imagination that is. He helped me overcome things I wouldn’t be able to if I would focus on something else. I was in a very toxic friendship where I thought that that person was my best friend. She tried to break me in ways I didn’t know where possible and she liked my attitude that I had in life. She kinda wanted to copy what I had for myself and imprint it onto her. But she wanted to give me her ‘personality’ which didn’t work for two things. Number one, i wasn’t paying too much attention and number two and most importantly, I kept my lips sealed. And I assume ferid was able to kinda help me to not pay attention. Or maybe it was the maladaptive daydreaming.

And y’all lets not lie he’s smeggsy. This man is the impersonation of my type 😩. That lean body of his?! CREDIT CARD have it. And I don’t believe in zodiac signs truly I don’t, but I have a record of having relationships with scorpios. My first gf (yes im a slut for men and women) was a scorpio and we were "doing things" . So obviously I couldn’t resist this man. UGH IF THIS MAN HAD A CULT, I AM GOING TO ANNOUNCE MYSELF AS THE LEADER. Y’all can join ofc. Thank you for reading this idiocy of a mankind through.

[cyphyree]

Now that you've finished utena and it's movies, what was your favorite part? Did you think the movie was a sequel? A retelling? Something else? Some scenes in utena are gonna stick w me till I'm in the dirt n id love to know if you had any like that :33

--

Omgosh!!!! This series 😭😭😭💖 ok bear with me im gonna have a LOT to say affgugyyythh endgame spoilers for Revolutionary Girl Utena the show and movie below

--

Fave parts of the show (in no particular order)

The third transformation scene when Anthy and Utena go to the arena together, badass, just one of the sequences ever

Utena's dorky lil stretches <3

The poisoned tea and biscuit scene

Badminton with Utena, Jury and Miki, along with Nanami ;_;

Miki's stopwatch. Still parsing out what it means but the animation and soundwork is so satisfying

The entire final act of the last episode wrecked me

Wakaba being there for Utena to help her snap out of her depression

Subsequent Utena vs Wakaba battle that breaks my heart into itty bitty pieces

The exploration of Utena's identity, and how she matured from "pretending to be a prince and the misconceptions of what that meant" to ultimately "being a prince"

Jury's backstory with Shiori and how it was visualized

Fave parts of the movie (in no particular order)

SHORT HAIR UTENA!! IN HER LIL BERET!!

The architecture of Ohtori is so cool

Love the opening sequence, especially when it pans up abruptly to the scene with Utena and her prince in silhouette

THEY KISS.

The partner drawing session

The dance <3

Chasing Anthy through the weird corridors of Ohtori after Jury's Duel

The farewell between Utena and Touga (how did they make me like Touga and Utena's relationship)

When they escape together from the maw of the castle in an explosion of roses, and the Shadow Girls guiding them and cheering them on turned out to be Utena and Anthy themselves!

THEY KISS!! AGAIN!!!!!

I actually love how obtuse and playful and surreal the series is, but in a way that's very intentional and gives you all the puzzle pieces to put together what's happening. After finishing the show I felt like I knew what it was about because the themes were so well visualized…… and then I watched one (1) youtube analysis video that made me realize that my understanding has barely scratched the surface of ANything lol. I was kinda embarrassed about it ngl, but I guess RGU is just one of those shows that do require multiple watches. I really, really do love how it's got multiple layers. I'd be happy if I could create a story that's half as clever and nuanced.

The movie was such an unexpected banger. I was told by a friend beforehand that the movie was a retelling+sequel hybrid. After watching it, to me it feels like an alternate version of the story that runs parallel to the one in the anime. Like…… a metaphor for the intention of the show, does that even make sense? I don't think the events or characters themselves are necessarily "canon" in a literal sense, but the philosophies and underlying character motivations are. I definitely see why everyone's like "oh the movie will clear up the themes of the show!! It's great!!" and I love how it clarifies the show by being 250% weirder LMFAO.

I also thought that the absurdity of "your girlfriend turns into a freakin car you drive towards freedom" was going to take me out of it, and it did at first. I was mostly scared for Utena because um that was a scary process, but tbh for the entire ending I had this huge smile on my face. And it was emotional for me even though it's ridiculous!! And that's because it's emotionally resonant!! And it metaphorically confirms for me that, even though Utena was in despair in the last moments we see her in the show, the endings of both the show and movie are ultimately fulfilling and---dare I say?---happy! Because both of them were wrung through the crucible that tore apart their identities, and they ultimately learned and grew, despite how hard and painful it was!

I'm also just so, so, so glad how lgbtq+ the characters and narrative are, and how neither show nor movie shied away from it (I was nervous that the movie was going to retroactively step back, but no, they made it GAYER). And plus how.... tactful and considerate they were when dealing with and visualizing heavier themes. Even the movie was very frank and intentional when portraying nudity. I appreciate that a lot.

What a masterful show. It's going to haunt me forever probably :)

[cerealmonster15]

silver/kalim, you say? 👀

i havent thought of this ship before but i Am curious if you want to talk about them

YES OUGH i love themmmm. theyre def one of those ships that like, i didnt notice in main story bc they havent shown up together much, so it's very much come more from the vignette/card stories + some events. especially bc silver himself hasnt been in the main story much yet!

there are a handful of specific instances that really have me 👀 at them:

in i think leona's ceremony robes card, when leona's coming to get his mixed up laundry from malleus, silver's at peak Oblivious Mode and thinks leona's there to talk to malleus bc they are Friends, despite leona very blatantly saying they arent lkfdshgklfdj. ruggie makes a comment that silver and kalim are known by the second years for their kinda airheaded happy go lucky vibes. i think the eng translation called it 'the facepalm brigade' or something lol. like everyone else can be in a bad mood but those two never are and are just painfully oblivious lol. it's cute that they have the same sweet boy vibes :)

they're classmates! in... uhhh.. i think it's either kalim's standard uniform or silver's standard uniform story, kalim makes a point to wake silver up after he fell asleep, to remind him to change classes. it's cute that kalim cares!!! he also gets advice in kind of a funny way from kalim lol, about if he's being too hands off with malleus like sebek says he is [and then silver decides, after seeing how helplessly reliant kalim is on jamil, that silver is Right to want to give malleus space to grow LOL]

silver's lab coat story - silver and kalim are held after class and have to do make up work bc silver fell asleep in class and kalim broke equipment in class jfkldshg. they decide to stay back and work together :) silver is still having trouble staying awake, and confides in kalim [and jamil who got pulled into it lol rip] about his chronic sleep problem, kalim decides that before they work on their assignment, they should make a wake-up potion to help silver stay awake, and silvers really grateful that kalim's so enthused about helping him with it 🥺 the poor goobers both get each other so off track so easily lol. but it's so cute. you can tell in that story kalim really cares about silver and helping him feel better ;A;

a very small thing lol but in jade's halloween ssr story at the very beginning, when kalim's trying to bargain with jade or w/e, jamil complains that kalim's taking so long and silver fell asleep bc he had to wait so long. the way that convo goes just makes it sound like silver was hanging out with kalim and jamil Just Cuz and i thought it was cute kjlfdshg ANYWAY

in the second halloween event [it hasnt come out in engtwst yet so ill avoid story spoilers; im talking the endless halloween/not the masquerade one] there's a scene where jamil says silver scarily reminds him of kalim - i think it had something to do with his Innocent Good Boy Energy or something lol. and silver's response was something like "oh, thank you. kalim is nice to me in class so i am glad you think we're similar." and then later when [REDACTED] happens, silver makes a point to say to kalim that he is a good person and considers him a dear friend 🥺 this scene in particular made me SO HAPPY lol i felt SO VALIDATED!!!!

i THINK. I THINK!!! there's a similar opposite scene. where someone tells kalim that he's a lot like silver and kalim takes it as a compliment?? BUT i can't for the life of me remember the context. i'm not sure if it also happens in halloween 2 or if that's in another event/story. or if i made it up LOL <- god does anyone know what the hell i'm talking about. it's been so long. i used to be so sure it existed and now i dont KNOW!!!

the general vibe of noble/knight is cute. like kalim is the eldest of a wealthy powerful family, to the point that he has an attendant- jamil - and silver is raised as a knight to malleus. i always thought it would be cute if later down the line, jamil's off to live his life free as he pleases, and silver like takes on that role either officially or unofficially by Kalim's side to protect him bc he Loves Him 🥺 wah wah let me have my cliches LOL

circling back to the thing ruggie said in my first bullet point lol, i found through google translating journeys lol, theres a ship tag or something for them in jpntwt/pixiv or w/e that i believe comes from that story. i think it's いらふわコンビ - if you search that it's nothing but silver/kalim lol. when i was auto translating captions with google on fanart of those two, i kept seeing the term "fluffy combination" or "irritated combination" and i was like. what the hell's that mean lol. this was before engtwst existed, so i think i eventually tried comparing the characters to ruggie's dialogue in that story ^ on youtube, and it was clllloooose but not quite the same or something. a few fan translations i saw translated the thing ruggie said as "mad free zone". like those two together Do Not Get Mad lol, or that they have a "frustratingly, easy going vibe". and a spanish sub called it "el espacia libre de locos" which is roughly "space free of craziness/wildness" whatever. anyway. いらふわコンビ. whatever it means, people use it in silver/kalim fanart lol <- there is a lot of adorable fanart of the two of them :')

not really super related but i believe the miraheze wiki says somewhere that silver, kalim, and rook are the only three students that use/specialize in light magic. i dont really know where that comes up but it's a fun fact/i think it's bc theyre the only three characters not based on villains/are more hero leaning from their origins? [besides i guess jack since hes supposedly not based off Anything lol just a random wolf boy]. it was just cute that they had that in common, like boys with the good vibes that make u think "why are you in villain school for villains" fjkdslhgf

there might be other scenes/reasons i'm forgetting but that's the gist of why i Love Them. they are sweet good boys.

[chattycups]

eta: omg help 💀

i just wanted to add this post took place PRIOR to the resentment box comment made by the streamer omfg what bad timing on my part LMAO. i swear; the time stamps are there 😭😭 but I was not criticizing that, or people who are excited for it: this was abt people villainizing ray mond in the situation and saying she doesnt DESERVE chatty & that he should just leave her-- that he'd be perfectly valid to give up on her atp bc she hasn't been around and/or she was 'toxic' anyway... which was s/t i was seeing in meta chats .. and then that same day during stream, strimmer brought up resentment box and discourse WENT CRAZY lmao i would / should edit or delete this post so it doesnt seem like im being one of the dicks who is criticizing the idea as a whole but... welp. i still stand by saying that ray mond isn't 'undeserving' and she doesn't love less or whatever..... it was just... an unfortunately timed post that now seems like i was talking abt something else, end me 💀💀

my least favorite chattercups take I’ve seen a few people say is that… “chatterbox should move on”, “he loves her more than she loves him”, “I wouldn’t blame him if he moves on from her atp”, “resentbox would be valid” type of things…

and you know what?

no. I WOULD blame him, and I think you should too, LMAO

he promised to wait for her & he promised her a loyalty like she’s never had before… if he doesn’t wait for her, that tells her he’s not much different than everyone else before him.

but that’s not who he is tbh and I really really doubt that’s ever going to happen…

but just the fact that I’ve seen people unironically give this take??? it just makes me sadge…

you are not real yearners or piners…. you don’t understand the real loverboys and lovergirls of the world…….. :/

lmAO no but seriously, what I hate is the idea that she doesn’t “deserve” him. yes yes his male pining IS very romantic of him, I know…… but I think that because the last time we saw Ray, she was in such a bad place mentally, it’s clouding peoples’ view and their memory of how down bad, caring, and loving she was. let’s not forget our girl, the first among us, the FIRST chattyray truther….. Ray Mond herself. the biggest chattercup stan of them all.

let’s not forget who said that he was the best thing that ever happened to her…

and who pursued who: It was RAY who wanted that fucked-up clown guy.

it was ray mond who was not afraid to bark at chatterbox when the rest of us were too afraid to say what we were all thinking LMAO…..

ray mond, who tried to baby trap and force him to propose at gun point…..

ray mond who painstakingly organized a whole days event for him (yups to cups) that was actually so fun and sweet and romantic ?????!?! like that was a crazily thoughtful and sweet gesture, when she could have just tortured him all day jajssj.

and she made them get matching tattoos that day… 🥺

ray who said if he dies (which she has forbid him to do) she is going to cut off his dick and keep it…….

……… so. yeah.

jajsjsj she’s just as romantic in her own way! I know chatty sadgefarming about being a sad lonely clown without his mask is making people sad for him and they just want him to be happy……

but don’t forget that ray really did (does) love him deeply, and changed him with that love. she has been very sweet and romantic to him too…. the waiting is more than justified, BECAUSE of all the love and care she has shown to chatterbox. and its been a lot. the reason he’s able to be patient and wait for her is BECAUSE she was so good to him.

DONT BETRAY AND DISCOUNT OUR MOTHER LIKE THAT jsjsjsk dad would not approve > : c

[bunnygirlaltar]

aphrodite worshipper confession/vent post: sometimes i feel guilty to her because im not very beautiful, havent really dated anyone, ive been so fearful and uncomfortable with romance for a lot of my life because i just was not at all emotionally available growing up, and im still struggling to try to be.

ive never really been called pretty. other than the women in my family complimenting me when i dress up for some formal event and i look uncharacteristically feminine, saying i look nice. or my friends have complimented specifically my eyeliner skills and my hair before since i always dyed it, but i genuinely cant remember anyone telling me just truthfully and unprompted that im pretty, that they find me pretty. if anything i hear that little things about me are cool, as if my appearance is interesting or something, but not attractive.

sometimes that really hurts, but then i feel guilty about it hurting my feelings, especially trying to worship aphrodite, i feel like i should know better than to care about external validation like that and i generally dont care about things like that but, am i so evil for wanting to be called pretty? i feel like everyone deserves that..

the only exceptions are two moments that always stick out to me. one time was an all-nighter playing truth-or-dare-esque games during a sleepover, and at one point we had to exchange compliments. and one of my friends in sleep-deprived delirium told me i had a nice face and i was so taken off guard because.. i just had never really heard that before. the other time is something i actually associate with aphrodite, i was in a really bad place mentally but i tried to force myself to at least wear something other than pajamas in public and one time i bumped into a stranger which happens a million times in my busy school campus but they said a quick 'you are so pretty' before we were past each other. i know random compliments to strangers like that arent that uncommon, especially college-aged queer people like us but it was genuinely something i had never experienced before and especially that day my brain was so foggy and i felt so gross and i just felt so taken off guard. i see my friends get random compliments like that all the time, but never me. that was also a time where i wasnt fully paying attention to aphrodite yet but considering her, and i feel like that moment was a little bit of her influence somehow and im so grateful for her and that stranger when i look back.

even then, i remember i told my best friends about it cuz it made me that happy. they said something like 'you are pretty! people should say it more!' trying to validate me but.. idk they say that but its not like they actually do it. if anything they make little jokes comparing me to people who like, they obviously think are ugly, becuase we share some traits like have the same hair or wear the same glasses or something trivial like that but the difference is they clearly, clearly find the other person weird-looking.. and i guess thats the joke? that i look like someone they think looks weird? and i dont understand why they feel comfortable jokingly implying that i look weird when they are also aware that they dont compliment me a lot.. i try to give them the benefit of the doubt that of course my friends dont think im ugly, but my god sometimes it really does feel like they think that. its not even like our friend group shys away from compliments like that, we love hyping each other up like that. people just dont really do it to me. or theyll comment on the parts of me that are more unconventional as if theyre trying to validate it for me but it just makes me feel weirder, especially if i wasnt even self-conscious of the thing before they tried to 'compliment' it.

is this whiny? am i vain? it feels vain to care so much but it also feels like the opposite of vain, i dont know. sometimes it really really eats away at me, and i feel like its deeper than just vanity. im not sure vanity is even all that much of a crime anyway.

sometimes now when i look decent or when i say some off-handed vaguely self-deprecating thing about myself one of my friends might be like 'omg stop youre fine trust me' as if like, i was fishing for compliments, or like i already knew i was pretty and was trying to be humble, except like, thats not at all what im doing. and it bugs me that they can both admit that i dont get called pretty enough and then dismiss me in moments like that.

i also think.. as queer as my friend group is i think femininity is equated with beauty to them, well to the world to be fair but still. and ive always been a bit genderless in my self-expression. and i feel like they find me ugly, like they see it as a shame that i dont present myself right or put in 'effort'. sometimes theyve had the chance to help me dress up or find clothes and theres this tone of trying to get me toward feminine clothes and being playfully upset with me for not picking them as if im being stubbornly choosing to be ugly.. but i find the things i choose pretty. they just dont. because they dont understand how non-feminine things can be pretty. maybe im being unfair in accusing them of that but thats just how it feels to me sometimes.

i know theres people who have the same concept of beauty as me out there but im realizing that i dont really know any of them myself. i dont even disagree with what my friends find pretty, i find everything beautiful tbh. im just sick of.. i feel like they assume i dont have beauty in my life, that i dont see beauty, or dont care about it, or dont want to have it in myself, but thats the opposite of the truth. i just wish people would find the beauty in me the way i find the beauty in everything but instead i feel like they see me and see no beauty and then write me off entirely.

in high school senior year i shaved my head. i was already used to not being pursued by people at that point, to not being someone people perceived as romantic or pretty. but i didnt expect how much more it hurt after that, i thought id be used to the feeling but i genuinely felt absolutely invisible to every single man more than i already did, as if the moment i dont seem like a potential lover i am useless, not deserving even basic acknowledgement or respect. and even with girls i felt like i was being excluded or assumed to not be interested in the things they did, as if they thought i was denouncing the gender or something.

i know they were all just humans and kids too and they couldnt have known how i was feeling if i wasnt saying it but i cant help but be a little bit bitter and resentful, as much as i hate feeling it. but how could you just leave someone out, how could you assume a young girl didnt care about being complimented, how could you assume there was nothing more to me just because you didnt find me attractive.

if i had to find a silver lining though, im glad i at least didnt attract the people that have those fucked up prejudices or views on beauty so i guess i saved myself, im glad it was sort of self-respecting of me. but i was also just a kid, and i needed to be loved, and sometimes i wonder if it would have been better if i traded the self-respect just for a little love or attention. i know its so fucked up, i have so many friends that say now that they wish they were a bit more like me growing up so they couldve avoided really shitty exes and i believe them, i kinda wish they did too. but i dont have the heart to tell them that im jealous of them actually. that even if their hearts got broken they at least got to love. even if it was fake or short-lived or painful. at least they got it. they got to emerge from it and learn things about themselves. and this is so fucked up but when i see them finally healing from toxic loves and ideas of love, im so happy for them but a little part of me is devastated and says look, they also learned the lessons you did, they also developed the self-respect you did, but they also got to live and love. while you were a coward. while you were ugly.

i always worry that this level of honesty will disappoint aphrodite, that shell be upset to hear me talk so bad about myself or talk so desperately about love. but i hope that the honesty is at least appreciated. i know so much of it is wrong, but i admit it, and i want to feel better and think better, im open to changing. im really trying. i hope that effort is worth something at least.