#im sure this will only cement their views on me

[the-angel-of-the-bottomless-pit]

ver sleepy but, thoughts.

look i dont have one yet but im trying to do the math if i could fit a postal dude plush in. m e

I WOULDN'T DO IT, (i dont know where he's been) IT'D BE UNCOMFORTABLE AND I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO WASH HIM WELL.. but goddamn it'd be funny.. postal dude in the pussy...

[nothorses]

ive seen a few posts talking about gender socialization as a terf idea, and im not sure I understand... I was wondering if you could help? I understand gender essentialism is a dangerous tool they use, and I see how "socialization" gets used as a more acceptable way of framing hatred of trans people.

but also, im a trans man and I do genuinely feel like my being raised "as a girl" affected my personality and interests, especially in childhood. particularly things like being taught to be quieter and more polite than my classmates and stuff. is there something im missing here?

The term "gender socialization" generally implies that socialization relies strictly on gender, and I've seen this defined either to mean AGAB (trans women are socialized and men, and trans men are socialized as women), or the gender you actually are (vice versa). Either way, it's an extremely reductive and restricting view on what is, yes, at least related to a real phenomena.

The thing is, "socialization" is different for everyone. The factors that play into it can range from the gender other people think you are, the gender you think of yourself as (which might change over time), the gender you actually are, to things completely unrelated: race and ethnicity, disability status, religion, the culture you grow up in, and so many others.

What's being discussed is essentially the impact of one's culture, and their culture's view of gender, on the way they think of themselves. Boiling that down to "male or female", even if you're not calling trans women "men" and trans men "women" to fit them into that model, is still a massive oversimplification that denies any possibility of variation in experience.

For example: I also internalized a lot of misogynistic ideas about myself growing up. But I was raised by a single mother who believed in some feminist ideals, and in a progressive area, and without the influence of religion in my family; so some of the ideas I grew up with were "you're a bossy bitch who talks too much", and some of them were "Never Rely On A Man". And while I didn't know I was a trans man yet, I also felt dysphoric about things like crying; not because I believed men couldn't cry, but because my mom encouraged me to fake cry because crying (white) women get their way.

That's not really a comparable experience to one that, say, a Christian cis woman in the US south might have.

The other flaw in this theory is the implication that "socialization" is static. Once you reach a certain age (which is never really defined), you magically stop absorbing messages from the world around you, and become cemented forever as Socialized Male or Female.

Aside from the fact that this obviously isn't true, you have to wonder: what about trans people who transition when they're children? What are they socialized as?

This isn't just an inaccurate view of the way people develop. It's a form of gender essentialism- the idea that gender determines certain immutable qualities in a person- which is itself related to, and supports theory underlying, sex essentialism; i.e., TERF and otherwise transphobic ideology.

Buying into the same idea that "man" and "woman" are stagnant categories with no overlap isn't good when you allow trans people to be categorized by their actual gender instead of their AGAB. It's still the same core philosophy, and it's still just as damaging- to intersex and nonbinary people in particular, but also to all trans people. The gender binary doesn't serve any of us.

Trans liberation means understanding, or at least leaving room for, the nuances and complexities. It means allowing people to exist in complicated ways, and to define and categorize themselves. The strict, static, and binary understanding of gender presented by "gender socialization" theory only works against that.

[angiestown]

im asking purely out of ignorance, not hate, but how are you ace if you still want and like sex? genuinely asking, dont have to explain if you don't feel like it

I describe it as being hungry and opening the fridge and being like. man I don't wanna eat any of this. then you open a food app and it's like man I don't want any of this either. and I try to think of what I want to have for lunch and even if I could hypothetically have access to any food in the world, I still don't want any of it. I'm just not craving anything. but like I'm still hungry and want to eat something, and I'm sure if you gave me something I'd still eat it and like it, just nothing appeals to me at all. but instead of food it's people and instead of it just being "one of those days", it's all the time always forever

having shit eyesight without my glasses has been a blessing for me with hookups bc it's a lot easier when I can't really see the other person all too well lmao. even in dreams and fantasies I can't even like imagine what the other person could possibly look like, my brain just completely blocks them out from view. in porn, too much focus on how hot/attractive the people involved are (as opposed to what they are doing) is a major turn off bc I am just. really really really Not Interested In That. the more nondescript the participants, the better

having been fully attracted to one (1) person in my entire life really cemented for me that I'm ace bc those feelings were mild enough that I only barely noticed them. if people aren't super exaggerating what it feels like to be attracted to someone, then those feelings are ones that I definitely don't normally have. maybe sometimes if I think really hard I can be like "yeah I'd rate my attraction towards X person at slightly above neutral" but like that's it. but as long as a person is niceys to me and our personalities mesh, I probably wouldn't turn them down if they were interested in me

[1nvad3rz1m]

The funny thing is that I expected zagr to be most popular ship in the fandom, when I joined, because "my enemy's sister", "my brother's enemy" and I thought zadr was gonna be some underground crackship or something. I mean I wasn't exactly wrong with zagr, because from what I've seen it was the most popular for a while in the past, but zadr ended up overtaking later? Correct me if I'm wrong.

I was also suprised by the ship discourse, because Zim wouldn't have a healthy relationship with anybody as he is now, he needs a LOT of therapy/development, to get even remotely close, which people can write for any ship, so I didn't get why some shippers acted like they were allowed to give Zim development/be out of character/just ignore huge parts of his character to make the ship work (like his hatred for humanity, and every other species that isn't Irken, like it doesn't matter how old you think he is, he still views them as below him, or how he is infamous within his own kind for a good reason and he treats them disposable if that's what benefits him at the moment), but saying people with their notps can't do that. Like I expected that while the community having different ship-preferences, but they stick together, because they all go against the canon of the least romancy show in existense, but I guess nope. I have seen somebody defending this by saying that: "Well my ships are not as bad as the other ships." From whose perspective? Because everybody has a different idea about that. Even if they are right, that's what it sounds like to me:

Mom: "I can't believe you got a D!"

Kid: "But mooooooom, other people got an F!"

Like I can't take this argument seriously, and I'm not sorry about it.

zagr is/was really popular but tbh i think zadrs always been top dog in terms of like...long term dedication i tried looking at google analytics but since the terms are so vague im not sure hoooow reliable they are

blue is zadr red is zagr dating back to 2004. i guess youre not wrong though but idk if zadr really took over so much as zagr ended up dying out. this is also only 2004 and on though so make of that what you will. something to note about zagr is that im willing to wage a guess that it was everyones first introduction to invader zim (a lot of old zagr art is based on old emo/goth/scene aesthetics of the time) leading to it being searched more but thats just a theory. zadr outranks zagr by about 10k deviations on deviantart but that could still be credited to zagr just...dying out over time. idk!

as for the zim thing i think its less so zim being unhealthy and moreso the age debacle when jhonen decided to come and gunk up long cemented fandom interpretation for...some reason. though i do think thats a part of it because when silly discourse was happening people tried to alternatively ship dib with other like-aged humans (torque, dipper, etc etc) and it was very sanitized...undiblike. it was somewhat related to the overall fucked-up-ness of zadr but mostly the age lol.

there was a definite air of hypocrisy about what was acceptable and what wasnt because during this like..drama people tried to promote membrane and zim instead all the while membrane fully believed zim was one of dibs school aged friends so IDK it was a weird time to be here!!

[mythvoiced]

this time, the text from wendy comes in the middle of the day, though it's still being sent from lí chényǔ's phone.

[ text / 徐文哲 ]: winnie-gege ! its wendy on chenchen's phone. guess what !

[ text / 徐文哲 ]: it was "bring your hero to school day" and chenchen actually took a couple hrs off work to do a demo for my class. he wasnt gonna but then i cried and he felt guilty :(

[ text / 徐文哲 ]: look ! its chenchen ! [ tap to view video. ]

in the video, lí chényǔ wields a wooden staff as if it were an extension of himself; he leaps and spins effortlessly, dark hair tumbling into his eyes --- and even smiles briefly when a few of wendy's classmates squeal in awe as the staff swishes through in a graceful, controlled arc. at the end, the children and teachers alike erupt into applause, and lí chényǔ instantly turns tomato-red, holding up his hands as if he means to wave off any compliments, coupled with a shy and sweet, "aiya ... zhēn de ma ? shì ma ? bùxíng, bùxíng ... "

[ text / 徐文哲 ]: incase u wanted to see bc i know he doesnt show off much or at all, hes so shy lol. did u know he trained at shaolin temple before him and mama left china ??? im pretty sure he was there for awhile too. he doesnt talk about it much tho at least to me. but maybe for u he would ???

[ text / 徐文哲 ]: ok gotta go ! have a good day winnie-gege !

[ for wenzhe, from lí chényǔ / @xiianxias ! ]

@xinxiins | ending my life tbh

It's taking him far too long to start adding numbers again.

His last phone had seen its untimely demise at his own hands. He'd enjoyed the practice in a way human only does when it provides catharsis. Most modern phones don't break from falling alone, oh no. They need to be worked to shatter. You need to put in the effort, the belief, you need to have as much pent up something and everything as Wenzhe had and does, to truly make it unusable.

So he had.

Cathartic indeed.

But this... this is something else.

He doesn't know how to describe it. He's never been a man of words, after all, they stay as firmly lodged in his throat as they do in his mind. It's not an easy feat, describing all the different ways whatever lives inside him overwhelms him.

As he stares at his phone, lips parted around the bite from his crepe he's forgetting to take, he fails. He watches, and he fails. It builds up from within. It's warm and enough to make his chest rise. He's smiling before he can tell he is and feels creepy for it moments later.

No amount of trying to drag the corners of his lips back down helps, though, they keep twitching up, keep trying to lift themselves like a man climbing out of quicksand, over a fence, to run across a plain sea of sand and into his lover's arms.

He flinches at the first crack echoing through the room displayed on his phone screen, and laughs in pure delight. He flinches at that, too.

He crouches down on the floor, aborts the attempt to put his wrapped crepe on the ground a few more times before he finally connects with the reality that he should not abandon food he intends to eat on cement, but he'd so very much like to hold the device with both hands.

Drag it closer to his face.

Make it wider, maybe.

Is that creepy? Is he allowed? Is it okay? Especially considering the slight frown dragging his eyebrows together, all while having no significant impact on his smile whatsoever. He's trying to reconcile the Lí Chényǔ he knows with the one performing here.

They're the same, yet just different enough. The sight of him mirrors what Wenzhe hopes to see occasionally, something prouder than what Lí Chényǔ seemingly allows himself to be. There's pride to be had here, even beyond the video, which somehow Wenzhe replays a few more times before he realizes he should reply.

Lí Chényǔ has so many fucking reasons to be proud. His strength, his bravery, all the many things he shouldn't have to be proud of solely because their existence implies the cough, and the way his hand would fit so easily around his wrist, the dismissal and the sickly skin, the long hours and the bags - under eyes and on shoulders both.

But there is pride. He fights, he thrives, he wins even if the world keeps punishing him for it, even if the world says, good job, you made it out alive yet another day, why don't you do that again, so we can all feast upon the sight and feel better about ourselves?

Judge you from our golden thrones?

The crepe tastes stale, suddenly. He's lost his appetite.

But he watches and listens to the crack, and the video always ends on that same sheepish note, and it twists uncomfortably in Wenzhe's guts.

If Lí Chényǔ found out Wendy'd sent him this, would he instinctively wonder if Wenzhe liked it, or would he instinctively wonder if he found it odd?

Wenzhe doesn't flinch at the crack cracking through the room anymore, but he winces and smiles, grows cold and warm when his mother's tongue rolls off Lí Chényǔ's in notes of embarrassment of, 'gosh' and 'undeserving' and all the ways he thinks dying every day is all right because it's better than Wendy and Michael dying for a second only.

He hovers.

His thumb over the first few letters of his reply, his other hand over the bin. He can't throw the crepe away. It'll clank like coins on a golden throne.

[ text to | 😖😵‍💫🥺 ] thank you for sending me this, Wendy! i loved it, it looks amazing, your brother is very cool

What should he say? What should he ask?

Can I see more? Is it okay to ask? Does he miss it? Is it still home for him? How can I make it better?

But maybe for you he would?

Wenzhe sighs, warm and cold, full and empty. He's in so much trouble.

[ text to | 😖😵‍💫🥺 ] i'm gonna ask him about it. i want to know more. your brother is an incredible person. i know it's not my place to say this, but thank you for bringing him as your hero

He chews on his bottom lip, then on a minuscule bite of his crepe. If he's tearing up, and thinking about brushing some of those black strands out of his face, that's his own business.

[ text to | 😖😵‍💫🥺 ] sorry if i'm speaking out of line. thank you, though. really.

...

[ text to | 😖😵‍💫🥺 ] do you guys like crepes? they're french pastry. you can fill them with chocolate, strawberries, more flavors i don't know probably haha.

[ text to | 😖😵‍💫🥺 ] if you like them i'd like to treat you guys to some. maybe soon if you have time? or we could surprise your brother at his corner, what do you think? hope you're still getting this. have a lovely day.

...

[ text to | 😖😵‍💫🥺 ] thank you again

[thesherrinfordfacility]

what are your thoughts on non-TV iterations of Crowley and Aziraphale? for example, I watched some of the clips from the proposed musical version but unfortunately just couldn’t get invested. I absolutely believe that every portrayal of A/C are valid and lovely, but it’s hard, if not nigh impossible, to match Team Sheennant’s chemistry, as well as the fact that they’re cemented into history in those respective roles. honestly, I like to think of TV!GO and book-canon!GO as divergences of the same timeline. GOmens Multiverse, if you will.

hello my darling!✨ cool question - gotta be honest, and say im not accustomed to any version other than the og book!duo, and the tv. it was very nearly book only, too-

so iirc, i read the book when i was younger on a recommendation, and tbh probably read it a bit too young to really get it. i then reread it when i was a bit older bc i was also reading a lot of philosophy, and liked it considerably more bc of that angle, but again, it didn't quite click (i hadn't quite unlocked my Satire Appreciation skill yet)

a few years go by, the show comes out, and it was on my watch list for ages. an unfortunate series of Bad Stuff then happened in my personal life, to the point that any semblance of laughter seemed a long way off, and my bf and i decided to give it a go to try taking our minds off of said Stuff, but not necessarily expecting it to do so... and i was laughing in the first ~3 minutes. suddenly, i was searching for my copy of the book and marking out where things had been changed/what Choices had been added (the Gasp i had at the wall slam, i cannot describe), rereading the book furiously, and soaking up all fan-derived works that i could get my hands on.

so ive gone on this long spiel basically to say that it was only really because of all this that i managed to a) actually connect with the story via the show, and b) revisit the book with fresher, and more appreciative, eyes, in the first place. as such, im fairly attached to the book and the tv versions in particular, and tbh i doubt that will change.

add to that - i prefer reading to audio adaptations/radio plays and that goes for anything (albeit it still tickles me that mark heap plays aziraphale. watching FND hasn't been the same since), and i know next to nothing about the musical. so my avoidance of them isn't anything to do with a distaste for them, nor because ive heard bad things, nor because i think they're invalid/im a book and tv!duo 'purist' so to speak, but purely because some of the formats are just not my cup of tea anyway, and because the show and book in particular hold sentimental value to me.

totally agree with you on book vs tv!canon, as a separate point; they're very different in my view, and i try to treat them as separately as i can (with, as im sure you've guessed, more emphasis on the show, but mainly bc there's more canonical material now). the gomens multiverse is genius, though!!!✨

[thegirlisuedtobe]

Hi there! First thank you always for translating the Rebecca interviews they are really fun and interesting to read. Seeing some of your comments you made about the Korean Dannys views on romance/homosexuality I was curious. When I first read the novel which was a long time ago, my interpretation of Danny and Rebecca’s relationship was 50/50 maybe really lovers but could also just be some type of non-romantic attachment. After watching the Korean production I feel that there’s a stronger implication of them being lovers. Some Rebecca fandom friends that I know are on the skeptical side I guess about them being real lovers so this is a topic that interests me. I was curious do you think you would’ve still thought of Danny and Rebecca as lovers if it wasn’t for the Korean production/Ock Joohyun? Really wanted to know your thoughts about that! Actlly I want to think of them as lovers but like if asked to defend why I think they’re lovers I’m not sure I’d personally be able support my view properly with evidence or anything since I’m not the good at analysis type etc haha. I hope this makes sense? Thx

Tbh it's kind of hard to say I feel that way 100% with no bias but,,,

(lol under the read more bc i ended up rambling)

Actually, the way I got into Rebecca was I discovered joo hyuns performance > i read the wiki > i watched a subtitled version of the german performance > I watched the Korean production > then I read the book > then I translated the Korean script further and read interviews.

Joo Hyun's performance was only just her singing the Rebecca long reprise at the top of act two, it wasn't really a song that incredibly showcased her interpretation or feelings towards the dynamic between rebecca and danny. when I read the wiki I was already thinking danny and rebecca sounded gay as hell and even watching the albeit reserved german production i felt like the specific situation that danny was found it alluded to that lover dynamic. like im a lesbian LOL so I kind of immediately went hey theres another lesbian right there. When it came to how maxim talked about rebecca it only further cemented in my mind that rebecca was also a lesbian. so like even from the german production, i felt that rebecca and danny were lesbians and had something together. now whether that something was balanced is another story, but i deff in my heart knew that they were some kind of secret lovers.

i don;t think in my mind that i ever had any doubt that rebecca and danny had some kind of more than mistress and servant relationship, and i dont think that i ever doubted that it was ever one sided. idk i just felt it in my gut. But i also moved on from the german production quite quickly when i got a copy of the rebecca production. that initial feeling of theyre lesbians really bloomed into oh they really loved each other when i got to the korean production and joo hyunie was pulling out all the stops. like the way she was acting,,, there was this palpable sense of love, the kind of love that felt equal. i've also talked about this before in one of my review essays (on my writing blog) but i think the contrast of her age against the older german dannys did a lot of work to bring that love closer to "lovers" and a more balanced dynamic imo.

i remember talking to a german rebecca fan and they talked a lot about doing a lot of contextualising and rationalising, trying to bend the script into a way that danny and rebecca were something in a mutual sense. i remember being really confused about that. like they had to put a lot of mental energy into rationalising that they were "mutual lovers" whereas it felt innate to me that they were.

Re: the age contrast. When I finally got to reading the book as well, in my mind i thought danny and rebecca grew up together as children (the line where danny has been with rebecca since she was young). also please note that i'm asian so like cultural aspects of rebecca flew over my head at times, but when i read it thats what i thought that line meant. but i talked to a european rebecca friend of mine and they said danny is referred to as governess and usually theyd be at least like 20 so when danny says she was with rebecca since childhood she meant in an overseeing kind of way; child and carer relationship. me not knowing that cultural thing impacted the balance i saw in their relationship which is why its also interesting that a lot of the korean dannys felt the same way i felt.

i haven't read the korean translation of rebecca so i dont know how they translate that cultural aspect/line but joo hyun, shin young sook, jang eun ah and kim sun young as i have just discovered all thought that danny grew up with rebecca. that her mother was rebecca's nanny and because of their close proximity grew up together. even before reading the interviews where these dannys said that, i also thought that was the case. so maybe its a culture thing?

but because of that, the relationship felt balanced enough that i felt like it was mutual. compounded by the more emotive ways that joo hyunie was expressing just how much she loved rebecca, it felt like a no brainer to me that they loved each other exclusively. sure rebecca was out and about having sex, but it wasnt sex out of love, it felt like sex out of fun or a habitual need, it felt like it meant entirely nothing to her. ergo her "love" (the kind beyond just physical sex) was only for danny. ive always felt very certain of that.

i think your feeling of not being able to defend danny and rebecca mutual relationship is understandable. there's so much ambiguity in the original text that its difficult to say that this thing points directly to this, or lots of lines could mean different things to different people. i'm always the opinion of rebecca is a mirror and depending on what themes or ideas or messages that u pick up, it's really just a reflection of what u want to see most. now whether i agree with another person's image of rebecca through that mirror is an entirely differnt matter, but i can't help but feel that way with danny and rebecca. its like,,, all i can say is, have you looked at them?? dont they seem that way to you??

lol im sure if i put my head into it i could make an essay to "prove" that theyre in a mutual relationship, and i know theres plently of evidence that i could pick out, but the gut feeling has been there from the start!

[petorahs]

☀️ its fascinating that you say P3 has shaped your worldview because... Well not to trauma dump here but back then when I discovered the game (it was back then when p4 was already out) i was... In a REALLY bad place and wondering about unaliving myself. I wont go into much detail but kids are trash man and teens are even worse. and then this game came around. With an aesthetic I really liked. i am not a native english speaker so it was hard for me at first but somehow this game just... /spoke to me/. A game about life and death and what it means to be alive and what it means to have a REASON to live, somehow... Convinced me to go a bit longer. I mean it when I say this: Persona 3 saved my life. And no other game can ever come close to such an experience. (Even tho from a quality standpoint P5 certainly is up there)

oh dude that is so valid thank you for sharing this. seriously though, im happy that youre here! and im sure many others are too! the ☀️ brightening lives and all that :]

yea i can see why p3 just clicked with so many people since it first came out. i was always curious on why it's so beloved by fans, when p5 and even p4 are literally right there with their overall better gameplay experiences. p5 literally got the franchise mainstream to insane heights lol. im... so glad i got into persona the way i did. of course, everyone's experiences w these games are different and special to them in their own way.

i got into persona 3 as an adult and as a result the lens in which i viewed the story's themes were heightened, in a way. as a teen i just know i would have reacted more volatilely i struggle to think about it LOL but both experiences would still be pretty intense. it's just that, as an adult there's more room to digest it when im not troubled by algebra hw. i was just more equipped for it (also i played omori two summers ago LMAOO). ofc i only turned 20 a few weeks ago LOL but i get why p3 means so much to people.

because it's like... 2000s nostalgia coupled with a game that figuratively holds your hand through the uncertainty of death yknow? p3 is a friend, basically. its entire thesis is based upon companionship (exactly what i highlight in an analysis i have drafted somewhere but HHH i dont want this to get too long lmao)

in the shaping my worldviews thing... its really more like it cemented my 'philosophies' :] like i said, equipped with the stuff i learned before, p3 having the message that it did just... hit super close to home! like yeah! that's what i've been saying dude!! kindness really is enough!!

"You don't have to save the world to find meaning in life... Sometimes all you need is something simple, like someone to take care of."

LIKE YEA GIRL THATS EXACTLY IT!! its so cool! i actually admire people who grew up with p3 because man if i heard this line ages ago... well, again, idk if i would be able to grasp it fully at the time... but still! this is so good, poetry in motion. and like u said its aesthetics are gorgeous and aim to capture the essence of its themes - and it did.

im a p5 baby like bro i love p5. soft spot for it. thats the closest persona game i "grew up" with and it came at such an opportune time for me, being a teen stuck between a rock and a hard place. typical. and p5 validated my teenage angst bs so much. its so refreshing to see a game's theme being rebellion. that was me i thought. those characters are going through something that similarly happened to me. teenage rebellion is such a fun thing to explore!

so p5 validated my struggles while p3 did something deeper than that, somehow. i think it just made me .. stronger? like it made me move on from struggles. "by remembering death you learn how to live" so... i guess p3 taught me how to live as crazy as that sounds. but you get me

persona 5 overall is great -- everyone agrees, like its objectively just a better game. but persona 3 ends up more beloved because of its subjective value as a piece of art. there's a lot of heart and soul to put into it.

it's more simple when compared to p5 at first glance, but simple doesn't mean less. which is why more people experiencing it will be nice to see

[spearohero]

what are some of your favorite stories! yours, other people's, small, big, etc! that's probably a big thing to think about so if you want something specific ummm recommend me a writer or three!

man!!! okay excellent question. i think ill still do three but ill talk about different things with each one; bear in mind that this is like, off the top of my head, so its not Definitive (ill try to sneak em in as honorable mentions but even stuff with a huge impact on me is gonna be harder to think of/talk about if it was like ten years ago, yknow?)

oh, and if you want to read my stories, you can see those here =3c

Kill Six Billion Demons

this one probably has to be The Bar for quality in my mind, at least at the moment.

82 White Chain Born In Emptiness Returns To Subdue Evil (yes, full name) has maybe one of the most compelling character arcs i've ever read;

the art is stunning, and the worldbuilding incredibly thorough (in a way that makes the history of the world feel dynamic and relevant, rather than just being tons of lore to sift through);

the fights whip ass and the logic of the cool shit that the characters do is directly tied to the underlying view the story has about Power™, which directly influenced my thought process for a lot of the plot details of "Dawnsister";

and, sort of related to the two previous points, the entire thing is just so fucking coherent, thematically speaking. all the side stories and bits of hover text, all the bits of commentary and passages from fictional manuscripts in the image descriptions, weave together and do some really good allegorical storytelling for the messages Abaddon wants to send (and to underline/counterpoint whats happening in the comic itself), and the details tend to come back later to be relevant in a big way

its just. high marks on literally every metric i can think of. this is the kind of "every line (both kinds) is crammed with intent and nothing is wasted" stuff i wanna do with my writing

(honorable mention for this category: Everything Everywhere All At Once, for sheer quality of writing and similar levels of "god they planned this from the fucking start". one of the only films to make me cry)

Homestuck (im not linking it we all know this one)

i have less to say about this, but i think its one of the stories that's had the biggest stylistic impact on my writing. i was kind of doing it even before reading homestuck but it SUPER cemented it: the 2nd-person voice and the fuckery where a character's thoughts, the narrator's description of a scene, and instructions from the audience/in-universe sources of Brain Interference all blend together is something i keep coming back to in both 3rd-person limited perspective AND 2nd-person (typically transformation-related) work

it also takes all the "using every possible avenue for Additional Storytelling" thing that i was describing about KSBD and ratchets it the fuck up. like this comic is repeatedly the benchmark for "what kind of weird, media-mixing, format-breaking shit can i do with comic panels and text rendering", even if i dont plan to dabble in webpage shenanigans like Hussie did

(i cant think of an honorable mention here, but i liked the way Tyranny presented lore and history to you in hyperlinks in the text, so that you could just HAVE background information your character would have instead of having to Do Exposition. also check out Vast Error if you liked the shit homestuck was doing with multimedia storytelling)

Ascension: Tales of Twin Tails

this one is just one of my favorites. out of this list its for sure been the most impactful on me personally, in like an identity sense at least. this shit transed my gender and othered my kin. its one of the only OTHER pieces of media to ever make me teary-eyed. its about being transgender extremely literally but also in some really creative And Also Extremely Dope ways

the fight scenes are about as grand in scope as the ones in KSBD, and the way that magic works in the setting is just about as thematically-strong (and also offer lots of room for insight about the characters, as well as self-reflection for the reader to have fun with).

the relationships are really, really well-done, and there are scenes that stick with me two years later as just strikingly and stunningly tender and intimate and vulnerable; the characters are just as strong (Coyotl is like, Top Three with White Chain, and if you know anything about me at all you know that Cat Kitten became my entire identity for months after reading it)

read it please read it i will evangelize this novel until the end of time

(honorable mention as far as having an effect on Me As A Person is probably like..... Night in the Woods; super super natural dialogue, lots of compelling relationship turmoil and hit some fears that were Extremely Relevant to me at the time of my life that i played it)

ty for asking btw!! i hope you get around to enjoying one of these =^w^=

[goodmorningdove]

ooh tell me about julianne!

Julianne has gone through so much change but im really vibing with her current characterization!

She and Riley are old childhood friends, and Julianne largely defines herself by her friendship with Riley. Both of them have pretty absent parents, and when Julianne lost her leg while she and Riley were exploring an abandoned building when they were younger Riley was really the only person who comforted her. So, when he becomes invested in Iseul's life (and Myrtle's life to an extent) she feels really threatened. Especially beacuse while both Julianne and Iseul want to protect Riley, Julianne's protection is very show-y "im going to wrestle with Myrtle and shout at her and ultimately accomplish nothing but it looks like im fighting" whereas Iseul actually recognizes what is threatening Riley and actually solving the problem where it needs to be fixed, which often involves talking to people and just understanding why theyre bothering Riley. Julianne doesnt believe in that, as her other defining character trait is her Religion, and she is very strongly devoted to her religion. She fully believes that She (and by extension Riley) are personally Blessed and Protected by Proxima, despite having no real evidence. However her views on her religion are largely defined by what the priest dude has told her about Proxima. A lot of which is just flat out false. This does result in her feud with Myrtle, who is very critical of the main religion (which is so pervasive that it generally is assumed to be the norm and doesnt have an official name in-universe) and studies the Old Gods. This is generally accepted to be a heretic trait and is frowned upon. Julianne takes this to the next level, outright calling Myrtle a heretic and threatening to kill her. Riley really doesnt like this though, so Julianne never actually kills Myrtle. Noteably, Julianne gets worse before she gets better. Once Riley is fed up with Julianne's shit and unfriends her, Julianne goes into the deep end of religion and holds nothing back and genuinely tries to kill Myrtle. Specifically with the sword that she was "given" from Proxima. Now, the sword is from Proxima, but it wasnt meant for Julianne. Julianne was never the first into a new room in the ruins, but after an argument she went into the next room to decompress. This just so happened to be the sword room. It makes sense that she went in this room as it is heavily decorated with Proxima memorabilia, as is the sword, so it largely makes sense that she would take the sword.

Now, in the first genuine fight between Julianne and Myrtle reveals that they are both incapable of dying. While the specifics are unclear, it cements in Julianne's mind that she can have the Priest dude undergo the same thing that Myrtle did, but in a holy and sacrificial way rather than the heretic way Myrtle did. She starts taking more agency in her her own story, shes the one who tells the priest he should do whst myrtle did, she instigates most of the fights with Myrtle, and eventually she decides to learn more about Proxima (who really actually doesnt like Julianne at first) when Julian e does finally turn to good, she does it not to show off, but because she genuinely doesnt want to see the people she cares about get hurt. And when she finally cares about Myrtle she does a lot of things for Myrtle that wont be noticed by Myrtle. While shes still loud and showy, shes careful about it. Myrtle needs someone who drags her into public situations or shed loose her connections to others entirely, and Julianne knows she can get her out with a sparring session. Then Julianne can get Myrtle involved in other situations and thus Myrtle is overall better-off. This is Julianne making sure Myrtle is okay, whereas before she would just be like "fuck you me and riley are blessed!" Which... means nothing to Riley and he actively dislikes.

Uh yeah thats julianne :)

[themelodicenigma]

So just so I can understand really in laymans terms when I read your post on the arendelle section of kh3 pertaining Sora and Riku, your objective view is that it was more intentional from a writer's side of things in a voice/intention outside of the character for the audience to glean "comparing himself and riku to elsa and anna means sibling vibes" as opposed to Sora's intent in the scene being understanding the nature of the bond and understanding love in a matter he had never given thought to and questioning IF that term/situation is what they have going on? Im not a shipper and I find it VERY interesting that someone my agree with my view on this scene as well because I read it the exact same way: that the writers/Nomura themselves are basically saying "from here on out this is what you need to think back to because Sora really gave this a lot of thought and never denied it in the end." Plus the whole message of Frozen 2 being very likely how he will view his own situation with Riku-apart taking care of different realms but united by their (brotherly) bond and if Frozen 2 IS in kh4 it very well could cement that for Sora. Atm tho outside of the writers literally being like HINT. HINT. H I N T. Sora hasnt *officially* put a label on Riku besides his best friend.

Thanks for the ask! That was this post, right? I almost forgot about that. lol

your objective view is that it was more intentional from a writer's side of things in a voice/intention outside of the character for the audience to glean "comparing himself and riku to elsa and anna means sibling vibes" as opposed to Sora's intent in the scene being understanding the nature of the bond and understanding love in a matter he had never given thought to and questioning IF that term/situation is what they have going on?

I definitely agree with you, though well, instead of the two points being opposed to each other, I think both authorial intent/implication and Sora's intent are both happening, and work in tandem with one another. That is, Kanemaki purposely writing Sora actively thinking about what a sisterly relationship is like by using his own relationship with Riku as an example of Elsa/Anna's bond is very congruent with the idea of establishing a sibling connotation between Sora and Riku as an author.

Of course, you can make parallels of specific things between two different relationships without equating the relationships themselves—I think the 1st parallel in the game has that leeway, actually, as Sora is comparing Riku's actions to Elsa's actions, which can simply happen with so many relationship types. It's not about a specific relationship type, but actions (which actions can be indicative of strength of bonds/how much someone cares, yeah).

But in the case of this 2nd parallel, the way it's written is much more direct about the relationships themselves, in creating the idea that the two sets of relationships have the same bond and connection. Sora's not just talking about actions, he's comparing what it's like "to be" something. It effectively has Sora thinking "two people fighting or being apart, but knowing they're still connected no matter = me and Riku's bond (sure about) = Elsa and Anna's bond (wondering about)" In which we as the audience, also know that his train of thought of what a sisterly relationship [can] be like is absolutely true, especially for Elsa and Anna. We know it's not something that is limited to sibling relationships, of course, but this context chose it's, well, context. It's a pretty classic author move—all Kanemaki did was double down on a parallel already made, but chose to be more specific to the relationships themselves.

The only thing I think is contrasting to any of this is the idea that it means he doesn't understand his relationship with Riku, which...doesn't make sense to what is written. I can only assume it's a misunderstanding from a misread.

This actually reminds me of a Roxas and Xion debate long ago. Kanemaki does something similar in the Days novel, to where, not once, not twice, but THREE times, does Kanemaki basically say "Roxas and Xion's relationship = Sora and Kairi's relationship" by having other characters (Riku, Namine, and Axel) directly making this parallel by their observations of Roxas and Xion.

The split for fans was whether Kanemaki is saying Roxas and Xion have the same relationship of friendship and romanticism just like Sora and Kairi do VS if it was just a way to emphasize that Roxas and Xion cared about each other a lot just like Sora and Kairi do, without a reflection of equating the entire relationships to each other. Of course, people have personal motivations to go one way or the other (or both, I suppose), but just like with Sora and Riku, it's one of those cases where you look at author intent and the way it's written + the characters thoughts themselves, and ask yourself "if it wasn't meant to mean this, would it have been written this way?".

[thefuseoftemptation]

Sorry if this is similar to something else you've written but im overcome with feelings about handmaking eddie something Just Because. Hes into cool rings/bracelets, so just trying to make him one in colours he likes even if it's something you've never attempted before and worried it wont come out good but he absolutely treasures it. </3 OR trying to make him a cool sword prop to decorate his or the DnD room actually yes I like that better :O

thanks for the request!!!

—THE CORE OF GESTURES

EDDIE MUNSON X GN!READER

WARNING(S): cussing, not much else, let me know though. NOT PROOFREAD (sort of).

. . .

Your brows were pulled together as you looked at the little, well, huge sword that was set on the table. Your hands in nothing but cloth to cover the cuts from the many times over the weeks that the box cutter fumbled out of your hold—the casualty of lacking the proper experience in knowing how to fuckin use it.

That or you were just trying to get through the progress so you could see the results, though honestly it couldn’t have been more of a setback. You weren’t expecting it to be well put, but you thought it would’ve turned out a little more, uh, less crooked looking.

It’s the thought that counts.

Not like Eddie would be one to judge. Hell, the guy was more than satisfied every time you left him with one of your many little hand makes. It wasn’t even false pretense either but rather pure and utter appreciation that crossed his still young features.

When you had made him a bracelet once, years back—he was quick to pluck it out of your hand and tie it ‘round his wrist. Even though it was crudely put together.

He still has it on—the strings that were securely woven as one, now, worn and loose, little pieces of the thread flying every time his hand gestures.

You released a sigh through your nose before you picked up the sword and set it to the side so you could remember to take it to Eddie. The nerves settling in quicker than you would’ve presumed.

. . .

The cement was scuffed underneath your feet as you trudged forward to the lot that you visited quite a few times a week. Your hands feeling for the sword that you’d thrown over your shoulder, as if to make sure it was still there.

It might’ve been because your nerves were getting a hold of you—your thoughts too not really stopping what you felt suddenly upon seeing Eddie’s porch steps come to view.

You weren’t sure why you were so nervous. It wasn’t uncommon that you’d make things and then present them to Eddie, who as stated before, was more than appreciative.

Honestly, unknown to you, the guy looked forward to every thing you’d make him—whether it was little or it was something that often took much more room.

He’d tuck every making to where only he’d know where it’s at. He treated them as if it were treasure, even though most of them were attempts that never really met the expectations you often set.

Your knuckles fluently thrummed the door, stepping back as you waited for it to be opened. You were greeted by his Uncle, Wayne, who held a cup and the newspaper in hand as the other pushed the door further so you could enter.

"Y/N, s'not necessary for you to jus' wait—you could open it, you hear?"

"Sorry, Mr. Munson. You know it's just proper manners."

Wayne nodded before tipping his head towards you, "Jus' Wayne, kid. I've told you that 'fore. You’ve known me for quite some time—it ain't necessary." He grunted as he shut the door behind you guys, you could only nod in understanding upon his gesture.

"He's gettin' ready." He offered. "Went by once but when he still hadn't showed, I had to go in there to let him know. He ain't got no setting of time. He gon' be late once more...." He grumbled under his breath as he went to seat himself in the chair. You chuckle knowingly, seeing that Eddie never seemed to ever show up on time. The only exception—when there’s a club meeting.

You stepped by the restroom, the first door that was there once you went by the kitchen, seeing the lights on underneath knowing that it was currently in use. Your knuckles pulsed before you greeted your friend—

"Hey, Munson."

The door opened and Eddie peeked his head out, his usual unruly curls, wet. "Y/L/N." He grinned before quickly shutting it.

You sigh and went through his room, removing the sword that was over your shoulder, and throwing your things to the floor. You set yourself to the side, hands fumbling with the handle of the sword as you were in thought. You weren't sure if you should present it to him or if you just set it somewhere he'd see later.

So, once settling for the latter, you set it the corner where he’d more likely see it sometime.

You were waiting by the front door when Eddie left to retrieve his keys, but when he came from his room holding the sword you made him—you felt yourself turn your head subtly to try to cover the sudden look that you held. Oh fuck. You felt a poke to your side, and turned back to Eddie who looked at you expectantly.

"Oh, uh, forgot to tell you—that's for you. I, uh, made it." You muttered.

Eddie's eyes widen at the words, head leaning forward as if to make sure he heard you clearly.

“Y-You made it?” And gestured to the prop in his grasp—when you nodded, he looked at you with nothing but utter disbelief briefly, before his mouth curled up on his features.

“It’s not how I expected it to be but you know, I just thought that—”

there was a sudden ‘hmph’ that left your mouth. You couldn’t even get through telling him because of how quick he was to bring you into his chest. You guys pulled back and Eddie could only fly his hands in gesticulation, trying to put it into words but not quite knowing how to tell them properly.

The look he held, you were sure that’s what it must’ve looked like to be touched by the sun. Not even it could gleam as much as Eddie.

. . .

Never once was the sword kept to where only he’d know where it’s at. The usual of him leaving it just for him to see and appreciate, was ruled out as he often took it for others to see. But it wasn’t to be touched or held. Oh no. Nope.

The sword was taken to the club meetings too. He’d pull it out and point it towards the guys, the tip of it meeting their eyes as they looked back at much like Eddie when he initially had seen it.

His hand clutched the handle, and under the little lighting the room offered—you could also see too, the bracelet you made him years back that hung loosely from his wrist. You chuckled when you’d see him with the sword in hand, looking at yours as you wouldn’t forget what it took for it for it to get like that.

It might’ve not met your expectations, and it might’ve been yet another attempt at trying but you knew that the nerves you once felt, shouldn’t have been there. Because you knew when it came to Eddie and the makings you presented to him—where you’d see it as a failure, he’d see it as nothing but treasure, even more so knowing it was from you.

. . .

A/N: I swear, if only Eddie knew of Worbla.

feedback and reblogs appreciated.

[goldenmorningglory]

In regards to your ask about Mike saying ily - But we already know from that one Finn interview that he definitely says “I love you” to someone. So who else could it be besides El?

honestly when it comes to shows like stranger things, while interviews and all are interesting to watch, i take them with a grain of salt- yeah all of them. because stranger things as a show is very good at making you think it's painting a flower when actually it's painting a knife. sleight of hand is their bread and butter.

and there could be a number of people mike could say ily to. his sister who just got vecna'd for example. they never really talk much unless the world is ending and maybe mike realises that fact, realises just how close he got to losing his sister.

he could be saying it to el, only to tell that that it's different from how she loves him. a classic "it's not you it's me." and this is unrelated to whether he has feelings for will or not, because i feel mike and el need to break romantically. it helps neither of them. their dynamic would florish if they were friends rather than restricted by the trappings of romance.

now could he say ily to will? personally, I've watched too many fantastically queer shows to scramble for crumbs, but will has always been gay. it's not a question. S3 cemented the fact. so im sure that more than their blessed little heart to hearts they're gonna be having a bigger conversation- because mike never really did address why he acted the way he acted in california, why he felt as if he had lost will, when will was a phone call or letter away.

it could go any number of ways. the show being what it is, they'd never say something if they thought people would draw the obvious conclusion and that conclusion would be right. because most of the casual viewers are unfortunately people who are not looking for queer subtext and to them, they won't think beyond 'oh how sweet he finally confesses his undying love for el'.

but even they have realised that will is in love with mike or at least, has a crush. a rewatch would show you that mike has always treated will different. make will's character a girl and you'll get a classic bollywood movie where the girl is best friends with the guy and in love with him but refuses to tell him, only suffering when a new girl comes in a he falls for her. and everyone always roots for the best friend.

so you'll see, how just one change in gender changes the whole way non-queer people view a story. of course i don't need to elaborate on the whys and hows of that change in perspective.

mike's case feels like a classic 'came to realisations too fast and now he doesn't know how to handle them so he seeks the safety of familiarity rather than the risks of the unknown'. but I'm sure he'll realise just how much he was hurting himself and will by doing that. after all, why is it weird to tell you friend you love them if you're only friends? and why is it hard to tell your girlfriend you love her if you do and you know that not saying it was driving her and you apart? I'm sure mike didn't even need that fight to realise what el was asking from him right?

tldr; while mike maybe saying ily to el, I'd take that with a grain of salt. after all, mike is not a one dimensional character who only has the capacity to love el. the way el has been built through the love of more people than just mike.

[erikamariapell]

Idk if this counts as it would feature other characters besides Fexi but: Maddy drives Rue and Lexi to pick up Fez on the day he's released from prison.

It’s cold on the day he’s released, winter settling in amongst the brisk weather and frozen concrete streets. She would’ve gone on her own but Rue had insisted on coming and since Cassie had taken her moms car and Rue still wasn’t comfortable behind the wheel there really was no other option. She couldn’t put Fez on her handle bars and she was certain he wouldn’t want to ride behind her.

“This is kind of hot right? Like we’re one of those sexy girl groups from the seventies going to pick up our pimp from prison?” Maddy looked over her shoulder from the drivers seat at Lexi, an excited grin lighting up her pretty features.

Rue snorted from the passenger seat and ignored the glare lexi sent her way.

“No maddy, not really. Fez is definitely not a pimp and I don’t think we’d make a very good girl group.” She sighed, her fingers tapping impatiently against the black and maroon skirt she’d chosen. She knew fez loved this skirt despite how cold it was, she hoped he didn’t mind the tights she’d had to pair with it.

“Are you kidding bitch? An ex drug addict? A preppy schoolgirl and a sexy cheerleader? We’re pretty much every sleazy managers wet dream.” Maddy flipped her perfect ponytail over the back of her seat and raised the radio pumping some blaring EDM soundtrack through the speakers.

Lexi felt a little nauseous, her stomach twisted in knots at the thought of seeing Fez face to face after months of only being able to see him through plexiglass and a corded phone.

He was safe, healthy, alive.

That was enough.

All of the girls, her mom, rues mom, Ali and Ethan had fixed up fez’s house. Plastered the bullet holes in the hallway, cleaned the blood from the carpet, saved up for a new toilet for the bathroom. He wasnt going to be going home to what he’d lost but it was better than nothing.

“You must be excited huh? Finally get to have your hands on your man? One of us deserves to get laid, it’s been one hell of a year.” Maddy rolled her eyes, she couldn’t remember a time when Maddy had been single for this long but she was doing amazing and working on herself had made her someone Lexi truly looked up too. She didn’t have Cassie, she was far too unstable so Maddy had sort of become a replacement sister that she couldn’t imagine her life without.

“Excuse me? I’ve been doing fine in that department.” Rue picked her head up from the window.

Maddys laugh was light and airy

“Please. If you call cuddling with Jules and spooning in your sisters bed after school, action then me and kat would be considered in a relationship.”

Lexi giggled, the prisons entrance sign in the rear view now as they drive through the iron gates.

“We’re going slow.” Rue mumbled, her cheeks light pink.

They pulled into the parking lot and no one moved. The car went silent and it was actually Maddy who broke the quiet.

“Well I don’t think I’m gonna be the first person he wants to see.” She smiled at Lexi softly in the mirror.

“Me either kid.” Rue nodded gently.

Lexi shook her head

“Rue you’re like his sister. He would love seeing you.” She argued.

Rue laughed

“Im sure, but seven months locked away with a bunch of men, I’m sure he’s been thinking about your hugs more than mine.” She nodded towards the door and with shaking hands Lexi swallowed the lump in her throat and got out of the car.

Her feet felt like they were filled with cement as she made her way to the front, God seven months. She couldn’t even remember what he looked like not in an orange jumpsuit.

She didn’t have to wait very long, before she even took a step up the cement stairs the glass doors swung open and standing in front of her was the one person she’d been waiting for.

His green eyes caught hers and the smile that lit up his face was enough to send her heart fluttering right out of her chest. He dropped his plastic bag on the steps and rushed at her, his arms coming around her waist and pressing her into his body. There was definitely more definition in those biceps and she knew he’d blame it on the weight lifting he did three tomes a day because he was “bored.”

“Lexi Howard.” He whispered in awe as he pulled away slightly, just enough that there noses touched as he rubbed gently, his lashes brushing her own.

“Fez.” She choked out, tears gathered at the corners of her eyes.

He smiled and swung her around and off her feet, laughing so open she wanted to drown in it.

“I sure missed you ma.” His own eyes were watery when he placed her back on her feet, hands still firm on her waist.

“I…” she started only to be cut off by Maddy.

“That was like the notebook.” Her hands were on her heart and she was sniffling.

Rue slowly made her way over and Lexi took that as her cue to step back and give them their own moment.

It made her heart swell to see them hold each other, he’d lost his brother but not his sister, she was still here.

He was still here.

For now,

That was enough.

[teklarn]

I NEED A PART TWO FOR BAUKGOU’S AWKWARD CONFESSION!!

𝓫𝓻𝓾𝓽𝓪𝓵 - 𝓴. 𝓫𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓰𝓸𝓾 𝓹𝓽. 2

character(s): katsuki bakugou x fem!reader

a/n: k the first one kinda blew up and i've been on tumblr for like a week and it made me rly happy receiving the requests ty <33 thank u for all the reblogs too !! this is a bit later than i hoped it would come out b/c half of the original fic was deleted by accident, but i’m on summer break until sept 5 so hopefully i’ll still update frequently. 

𝕣𝕖𝕓𝕝𝕠𝕘𝕤 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕘𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕝𝕪 𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕔𝕚𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕕!

summary: bakugou finds he’s rejecting his feelings for you in fear of becoming weak, however he just can’t seem to ignore you. 

genre: lil angsty, fluffy at the end

warnings: cursing, one-sided pining, gave reader a quirk, the fighting scene is bs i cannot write action scenes at all im so sorry lol,  second hand embarrassment for our dearest dynamight :(

word count: 2507

pls don't mind any typos! i try to edit to the best of my ability but i tend to type fast and i might miss a few or a lot of things. 

- - -

read part one here my loves !!

you found yourself bored, cheeks puffing out as you swirled around the drink in your glass cup, sitting across from midoriya. he was muttering again, which you’d always found cute, however you weren’t listening this time at all. 

part of the reason you’d rejected bakugou was due to the fact midoriya had requested your attention first, and not as friends. if you’d told bakugou that, it would just wound his delicate ego on top of the fact that you truly had no interest in him whatsoever. 

at the moment, though, he was the only thing on your mind. there was no sudden spark of attraction you’d felt when he’d confessed. of course, anyone would find it flattering that the katsuki bakugou found you attractive. his standards were higher than the clouds. 

at the moment, it felt like something was blocking your chest from feeling something for him, however you couldn’t pinpoint what it was. 

“—it was amazing, right, y/n? y/n?” 

your eyes flickered up to meet the emerald, wide-eyed eyes of your friend. you contemplated lying, but it was no use. shaking your head softly and pursing your lips, you set your drink down. “i’m sorry, midoriya. i’m just kind of...out of it, i guess you could say?” 

he cocked his head to the side. “’out of it’?” he repeated. 

“yeah,” you sighed, head pounding. 

“is everything alright? maybe today isn’t the best time for this.” 

“yeah,” you agreed. “maybe.” 

“do you want to go back to the dorms?” 

you nodded, massaging your temples. “yeah, yeah let’s go home.” 

midoriya let out a soft chuckle through his nose, smiling. “alright.” he offered his hand, and you gladly let him heave you up. 

“i’m sorry about this. honestly, midoriya, i enjoy your company, i really do. but i never assumed you’d catch feelings for me too—” 

“too?” he blinked. the two of you continued on your way back to Heights Alliance. 

you gulped. “yeah, there’s—” 

“are you saying you caught feelings for me, as well?”

your eyes fell blank, lips parting in question. “no, uh. you know what? never mind.” you giggled gently in hopes the two of you would laugh it off without another thought. perhaps you should keep you and bakugou’s quiet interaction to yourself. midoriya and bakugou were already rivals enough. 

- 

the following week was agonizing in many ways. sitting beside bakugou guaranteed that you would get strange, judgmental looks. it never guaranteed his stolen glances. when you’d catch him staring, his cheeks would flare up, and you swore he had smoke puffing out his ears. 

each time, he looked as if he would explode. what can you expect from a guy like him? 

it was easy to assume you’d just pissed him off, though. you weren’t the type of person to tell everyone you’d been asked out, but you needed to speak to someone about it. the thought had been nagging you, stuck at the back of your mind but just on the tip of your tongue. 

you even found that you were distancing yourself from midoriya, who, after asking you out, had insisted you begin calling him izuku. over everyone else, you’d choose him to speak to about the matter, but ever since you’d discovered he had feelings all along, it was strange being around him. 

you viewed him differently. he shot you glimmering smiles and blushed softly when you said his first name. 

“y/n?” 

you twisted around to see mina rocking on her heels behind you. “yes?” 

“are you okay? you seem...how do i put this.” she tapped a pink finger against her lips. “off. you seem off. is everything alright?” 

your brows raised. “oh, yeah. i’m good. thanks for checking in.” 

“is there anything you want to talk about?” she adjusted her hero costume. you and the rest of the girls were currently changing for another training exercise. 

yaoyorozu fixed her hero costume. “i don’t mean to impose on anything, but i have to agree with mina, y/n. of course, there’s no pressure to tell us anything. you’re under no obligation to unless you need and want to talk to someone, but we’re here if you need us, okay?” 

you nodded, smiling softly. “thanks you guys.” 

- 

it was the same training as before, however you were able to select a partner of your own. being that there were 21 students in the class, there was always ought to be a group of three, or one person left out. you’d come into yuuei out of pure luck, as some like to put it. 

you’d found it offensive they’d assumed it was that and not your own pure skill. it’d taken a while to re-convince yourself that you were worthy of being in the class, even if you were usually the odd one out. 

most students had already bonded by the time you arrived here, so finding a partner wasn’t always easy. once you and midoriya had gotten close, you two did most things together, however at the moment, you weren’t quite feeling it. 

surprisingly, your eyes caught bakugou standing alone, eyes scanning the room for a partner. kirishima must have partnered up with another friend, then. it was always them together. 

unfortunately, you weren’t quick enough to avoid either of them. bakugou was already trotting up to you, eyes locked on your figure just as midoriya began jogging to your side. 

in perfect unison, they asked, “be my partner?” (in two very different tones, of course.) 

you blinked between them, about to answer when aizawa came up behind you three. 

“are you guys in the group of three?” your teacher deadpanned. 

your shoulders slumped. “yeah, i guess so.” 

“get to work. you’ve already wasted five minutes standing around.” 

you nodded politely. “yes, sensei.” 

you swallowed. bakugou’s crimson gaze was pinning you in your spot, and midoriya’s lips thinned with a lack of enthusiasm when bakugou looked back at him. 

“get to work, you three,” aizawa repeated, walking away. 

“i can take on both of you.” bakugou cracked his knuckles. 

you clenched your fists. “we already know you’re at the top of the class, bakugou. there’s no need to rub it in our faces.” 

he averted his eyes, cheeks flushing red. it was like a sad, silly way of letting you know you won this fight. 

“i’ll go against you two,” you said, adjusting your hero costume. 

midoriya’s eyes widened. “what? y/n, but—” 

“but i’m not strong enough?” you finished for him. you knew where they ranked in strength, and while yours was just as powerful, if you let one thing slip, your arrows would disappear and you’d be dust. “that’s exactly my point, you two are practically at the top of the class with your quirks.” 

“tch, don’t hold back,” bakugou said, readying himself. 

“don’t go easy on me,” you mocked. 

“y/n, do you really think this is a good idea—” before izuku could finish, you and bakugou launched yourselves at one another. 

you charged forwards. an arrow flew from your hand, twisting its way right through the smoke of an explosion. when it cleared, bakugou was nowhere to be seen. 

a gasp fell from your lips as you turned around just a little too late. your ears rang terribly as your back collided with the ground. 

izuku cried out. green lightning flashed, and he was at your side in a moment. “kacchan!”

you groaned, sitting up. bakugou cut through the smoke with an arm. “fight me, damned nerd. there aren’t any pauses in a real fight.” 

you wriggled yourself away from midoriya. “midoriya, you’re my enemy in this.” 

“bu—” 

“no buts. fight me. and don’t hold back.” 

midoriya noted the determination in your eyes and stood, giving you a sure nod. you were back on your feet in a second. bakugou flew in the air and came crashing down just as fast as he conjured a blast in his right hand. 

attacking wasn’t your best option right now. you were smart enough to know that. an arrow appeared flat at your back and pulled you from where bakugou was targeting. 

cement flew into the air. 

that blast could have wounded you badly. possibly killed you, if he’d hit the right spots. 

in the air, you examined their zealous features. midoriya’s brows were furrowed in that determined smolder. 

bakugou, as always, looked angry. as expected, he charged first, shooting himself into the air. his foot nearly collided with your face, missing my barely an inch. you took your shot, revealing the arrow you’d hidden behind your back. the tip collided with his chest. 

you left the arrow to complete its command and stick your blonde opponent to the wall and trap him there while you went after midoriya. 

while he bested you in strength, you did the same to him when it came to speed. you dodged his punches like they were weak attempts at hitting a ball in a park. 

you grinned. in a battle of strength and speed, whoever landed the first hit would win. there was no question. 

twisting in the air, you allowed the ball of your foot to shove midoriya to the ground. he cried out as his face was crushed into the cement. 

it was perfect timing, as bakugou ripped free of your hold, the arrow keeping him in one spot dissolving into air as soon as its purpose was lost. 

your head whipped around to see him charging for you. 

your fingers curled. the headache pounding at your temples was beginning to get hard to ignore. 

bakugou launched himself at you, spinning in the air like a missile. he really wasn’t going to howitzer you...right? 

when he didn’t slow down, you threw your body to the right, the attack just barely missing your leg. it scorched a bit of your thigh. a groan fell from your lips as you cupped the area around the burn, shuddering with pain. 

bakugou’s chest was puffed proudly as he marched up to you, hands cracking with excited explosions. 

he pulled back his right arm, ready to spark up another fight as midoriya recollected himself. you bit your lip to hide the fact you were quivering. 

it was sudden, but bakugou paused when he saw your hand fly up. 

“give me a minute...” you gasped out, skin still sizzling. 

“y/n! are you alright?” 

you didn’t respond. midoriya smacked his friend’s arm. “kacchan! what’re you thinking?”

“midoriya, i’m fine. don’t stress over it.” you limped to your feet, rejecting the extended hand from your green-haired friend. “i’ll just go see recovery girl.” 

“do you need—” 

you smacked midoriya’s hand away, a little bit more rude than you intended it to be. “i’ll be...fine.” you offered a weak smile to hopefully make up for your tiny outburst. 

although you could see in his eyes he wanted to help, midoriya nodded and stood by, hand falling back to his side. you clutched around the patch of burned skin. the sting had faded a bit, however there was a soreness to the wound that felt like a constant stabbing to your leg. 

you swallowed the pain down, marching towards the exit with determination and a bit of a limp.

you looked back to see midoriya had gone off to tell mr. aizawa what was going on. your teacher nodded, understandingly. 

there were a few worried glances and offers for help in the hall, but you’d neglected them all and found yourself relieved to see recovery girl in her office, typing away. 

she turned as the door opened. “please knock beforehand next time—oh, dear. y/n? are you alright?” 

you gave a tense nod. “mhm. just got a bit banged up in training today.” 

the old woman pursed her lips, smile lines becoming evident. “i see.” she led you to the small cot reserved for patients such as yourself and directed you to sit down. 

she examined the bruise. “it’s fairly bad. what happened?” 

you made a gesture to the door. “i was brawling with bakugou and things got...intense.” 

“that boy has quite an extreme side to him, as i’ve come to notice.” 

“mhm,” you agreed. 

“unfortunately, y/n, i have no ointments to be able to treat this properly.” 

you nodded sheepishly before the old woman smooched your cheek. a soft green glow radiated around you. 

when she pulled back, she said, “now, your body will be trying to catch up on the healing process. that’s what my quirk does. speed up recoveries. since it’s sped up, you’ll require some rest, preferably sleep. i’ll make sure your teachers know you’re excused for the rest of the day, sound good?” 

“yes, thank you recovery girl.” 

she pushed herself out of her rolling chair and left the room, smiling at you.

your eyes fluttered shut not long after that. 

- 

the sun was gone when you woke up, the hallway light flickering off. 

“good, you’re awake.” 

you looked to the left. you cried out, gathering the white sheets around yourself despite being completely clothed. “bakugou! what the hell? you stalker! you creep!” 

bakugou took the slap you gave him on his arm. it was light, and didn’t do much damage. 

“what...what do you want?” 

even in the dark, you could tell bakugou’s cheeks were burning red. “about...about the other day. i wanted to talk to you about it.” 

your chest fluttered in unwanted hope. “there’s nothing to talk about.” 

“dammit, y/n, i wish there wasn’t anything to talk about. you’re insufferable and annoying and i can’t stand being around you because no matter what’s going on, you make my chest feel all funny. it’s stupid, and i can’t take my eyes off of you.” 

heat rushed to your cheeks. “i’m flattered, really. but i-” 

“i’m not asking you to reciprocate my shitty feelings. if anything, it’s better if you don’t.” 

“bakugou, i wasn’t...” you paused. 

“you what?” he snapped, voice soft despite his tone. 

“i was going to say that ever since you...ever since you asked me out, i’ve been conflicted about my own feelings.” 

“the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

“i’m not sure if i like you back or not, bakugou. but hearing you say all this...makes me want to give it a shot. sort of. also, why the hell are you watching me sleep?” 

bakugou swept hair from his eyes. “don’t go and try to change the subject on me, dumbass.” 

you gulped. 

“so what’re you saying?” 

“i’m saying,” you started, “i’m saying that maybe i want to go out on that date with you.” 

“say it again.” 

“what?” you looked up, his eyes boring into yours. 

“i said i want you to say it again. tell me you want to go out on a date with me.” 

it startled you how sure he was when he knew what you wanted, too. this was unlike the last attempt to ask you out. 

“katsuki bakugou, i want to go on a date with you.” 

he grinned. “where to?”

[carpathxanridge]

“more of a woman”

i think most of us have heard this phrase from trans women before. “im more of a woman that you’ll ever be!” “i spend more time on makeup in a day than you have in your life!” or even “terfs are the ones who aren’t real women!” and im not the first radical feminist to point out the maleness of that concept. womanhood is not a contest, it’s an objective fact, something you either are or aren’t. but men sure do view manhood as a contest! so it makes sense why trans women apply this same logic to their perceptions of what makes a woman.

but what’s most interesting to me is the gay pop culture origin of that phrase, “i’m more man than you’ll ever be, and more woman than you’ll ever get!” you might know it from rent, but it’s from the 1976 film car wash, and it is the comeback of a crossdressing character in response to homophobic criticism. it’s a great line, and it’s clear to see how it became cemented in gay culture as a retort to attacks on a gay man’s masculinity.

what’s revealing about this quote is that while it rejects manhood as a contest of cruelty, violence, and traditional masculinity, it in the same breath upholds womanhood as a contest of desirabilility, of objectification. men get to be, while women get to be possessions. it reveals how even in their gender nonconformity, most men are still sexist! they still think, even if only subconsciously, that real personhood is something only for men. and in their attempts to reject and reconstruct masculinity for their own self-actualization, femininity is just a tool to them, not something they truly consider or understand women being stifled by.

and that’s what trans women are saying when they say “im more of a woman than you.” they choose to reject masculine posturing, but think that feminine posturing must be what womanhood is, and that their participation in the pageantry makes them women.