#im talking to a void again arent i

[okaykois]

i played re4 for the plot only

[always-a-joyful-note]

Thinking some fandom thoughts and then about ORV's portrayal of an author-character-reader relationship with the story and realising how....lacking at times the whole death of the author perspective on media can be.

(Turned out to be long and rambly so I put it under a cut. If you like death of the author, probably not for your worldview? Also, beware major ORV spoilers if you care about that)

Like, perhaps I'm misinterpreting something here, but in ORV, we had these three characters plus an entire system that gave us a look into the relationship between author/reader/character. And focusing on the Han Sooyoung, Kim Dokja, and Yoo Joonghyuk dynamic, I realise that none of them really died. Pushing asides Joonghyuk and Dokja for the moment (as I am talking about death of the author), we have Han Sooyoung whose consciousness faded after finishing Ways of Survival.

However, I don't know if we can really call that death of the author, really. Because Sooyoung's whole purpose in writing ORV, her authorial intention, was to save Kim Dokja's life...which she DID. And even after the story left her hands, her intentions were imprinted into the story itself. Yes, Dokja realised that the system was lenient to him because of (spoiler alert) his status as the OD. But at the same time, I think that Han Sooyoung's authorial intent to keep Dokja alive with WoS can also be taken as a factor in the system's leniency towards our reader.

And just jumping from that back to my original point, while death of the author IS fun and can be awesome for reinterpreting stories that the author may have intended as problematic (to our modern standards, at least), to separate the actual story itself from its creator seems just....a tad disrespectful to the author.

Or maybe disrespectful isn't the right word. Like, say, even if said author is objectively the worst of humans, there remains the fact that the story in essence has part of them embedded into it. It doesn't make sense, at least to me, to only give "morally okay" writers the allowance of people who put a part of themselves in their works. Any writer, even those who are writing for money imo, can't help but put part of their own selves into their story...and to separate the story from the author just because we hate the author or hate their beliefs seems a bit counter-productive. You can't just say, after all, that this author's vulnerability in their writing is okay because it's Correct but this other guy's vulnerability should be ignored because it's chalk full of Problematic Content.

But again, that's not to justify authors you dislike or the deeply wrong messages implied in their works. Especially those that could easily be shooed away by employing death of the author. But I think I'd consider fanfic or analyses that ignore authorial intent and their message to be something...new entirely? (Best way I can say it is something something death of an author employed to help the reader create their own narrative inspired by someone else's story rather than it being used to ignore author intent and claim our interpretation is what canon actually meant).

I think there's a saying in music as well as writing that you could play the same exact score or write the same story, it's just that things will come out different depending on the player or writer. (That's not a perfect comparison because the player/musician who WROTE the score could be considered a reader/author relationship...the point is more that the same thing will look different in the hands of different people. And that just as the reader will interpret something in their own way when reading/re-reading (another ORV reference), the author also has placed in their own interpretation and intent in that own work...which should at worst be respected because they DID make that content (and then we proceed to brutally revise it to make something we like better xD) or at best be taken as "word of god" for lack of a better term)

Not sure if any of this makes sense, and I definitely don't have any factual evidence to back up this opinion, but it was just something I was thinking of.

TL:dR? Death of the author is FUN and actually pretty cool but I think the things coming out of it are new(ish) things/works entirely, and og author's beliefs/intentions are important to consider for that text they wrote in of itself.

[squidult]

at the end of the day i feel like AI in the arts is a tool that COULD be used in a cool and ethical way, but as things are now that SUPER IS NOT HAPPENING and fills me with wrath. we SHOULD NOT be using AI to replace humans, but to work along side them. as things are now theres seldom any algorithms that don't put everyone involved in legal, ethical, and financial hell

[lemonlegendsblog]

tthinking about..., them,,,. Homosexually..

[kuroakikitsune]

..

[trialserrors]

hornets views on vessels and strength, and how she echoes her father

hello! this post is an analysis on hornet where i discuss her mindset, her relationship with the knight, and her parallels with her father in detail. im writing this because i dont think a lot of hollow knight fans are aware of just how much she parallels the pale king, how her ideals become almost entirely the opposite of his, and how complex her relationship with the knight is.

okay, so, over the course of the story, hornet repeatedly tests and puts you through challenges to gauge if you can replace her sibling in the black egg and if you can, effectively, this time, imprison the radiance.

she meets you at greenpath to duel you, and see you prove your strength, and she meets you at the city of tears to direct you to where she wants you, and where she can make you prove yourself again. then, she meets you again at the void.

so lets talk about greenpath first.

before her fight begins, she says, “i know what you’d try to do. i can’t allow it.”

this is interesting, to me. if “what you’d try to do” means “free the hollow knight”, this is one of her first displays of (somewhat) apathy for the vessels. she knows that the vessel plan isnt working, she most likely knows the hollow knight is in suffering, she knows the hollow knight is her sibling and therefore has a bond with it; a motivation for her to free it herself.

but she doesnt, and shes willing to go to extremes to ensure that that the hollow knight is not freed. almost as if shes protecting her fathers vision, or as if she, too, holds the desperate ideal that the vessel plan can work. either way, both mindsets require the sacrifice of generosity and sympathy towards the hollow knight, and the vessels.

we know that later, she wants you to replace the hollow knight (and, you know, this means, for a good portion of the story, shes willing to continue the cycle of the vessels suffering) and i think both of these motivations are at play. something along the lines of, “dont go freeing the hollow knight, i have to test you, and see if youre able and worthy to replace it first, and then you can go freeing the hollow knight.”

now, lets zoom in.

so, when she challenges you, shes standing in front of the body of a vessel, her sibling. it is possible to read this as hornet protecting the body, and thinking you might desecrate or dishonor it. thats a fair interpretation.

however, she also fights overtop the body, with the possibility she could damage it herself, and doesnt bring it with her when she flees. she just kind of leaves it there for you to loot.

another, less charitable interpretation of this, is that that vessel, she had challenged before you, and that vessel hadnt been fortunate enough to win and pass her test. i mean, there is a weapon in it—another bug would have had to kill it.

and she is also very willing to kill you! you dont fail her fight by making a sign of defeat and then she backs off, knowing shes won. she fights you until you die.

(it can be said that the weapon is a nail and not a needle, therefore it was likely another, different bug that killed that vessel, but it also couldve been that hornet took the vessels own nail, that it was using to fight, and stabbed it into the vessels body.)

so, with these interpretations in mind, you could see hornet as doing what her father had done: testing any vessel to see if theyre worthy (through extreme means), and leaving them for dead if they arent.

however, i do not think hornet feels complete apathy for the two vessels, in this scene. when you dream nail her, one of her pieces of dialogue is, “only pity for your cursed kind.”

i do see this the same way as i see that cutscene in the path of pain, though.

is the pale king trying to bond with the pure vessel, in this moment? does that mean he knows, deep down, that the pure vessel is a failure, and that the vessel plan wont work? is it a desperate reach to find a connection in a being he doesnt think is capable of connection? did he talk to the vessel, when this really happened? does he feel guilt over the vessel plan? does he sympathize with it?

all of that is possible, but that doesnt mean he didnt repress those feelings and carried on with the hollow knights training, anyway. hornet may feel pity, or sympathy, for her siblings, but initially, its not enough to warrant her to want to stop the cycle.

okay. onto her meeting with you in the city of tears.

so, she never addresses anything about you, other than, basically, “you beat me. i underestimated you. you should know whats going on, then. you can fight me again and earn the right to assume your role.” in this scene.

but, she also addresses, at this point, that you can think and remember, (she says you could potentially know something) and that you can make choices and feel (she offers you the choice to keep going.) this goes against two requirements for the hollow knight: no mind to think, no will to break.

so, either, by continuing to test you, she wants to chase those possibilities out, or, she acknowledges that they are inescapable, and that somehow, you just have to be able to contain the radiance, anyway.

theres very little, but still some, sympathy in this exchange. she knows that if you knew what happened to your sibling, you might not want to continue. and she doesnt force you to.

theres the possibility that one of her lines, in this scene, could mean something more. “you i’ve underestimated, though i’ve since seen the truth.” i mean, yeah, she does mean what she says.

however, if she acknowledges that the vessel can think and feel, and still has the potential to contain the radiance, this could also mean: “i thought you wouldnt be able to achieve much while still facing the setback of possessing a mind. since you bested me, i dont think thats true anymore.”

so, yeah. “i’d feel no sadness in a weakling’s demise.” she is explicitly being apathetic and cold, here. she has only expressed concern or consideration for your feelings, thoughts or decisions when it pertains to whether you will or will not continue on to assume your purpose, so far.

there are other instances where she acknowledges your feelings in this scene, such as here. if you would not accept, it might mean you fear going forward, or would be stuck mourning the past, or something similar.

and theres also this line. this is interesting because it poses a juxtaposition between the pale kings requirement of “no will to break” and hornets requirement of “a will that cannot be broken.” perhaps she does not believe a vessels strength lies in its apathy and disconnect from a mind and emotions, but rather, from the mind and emotions’ own power, by the time this scene happens.

in this piece of dialogue, she describes the conception of the vessels as “tragic.” so, she does, very clearly, now, sympathize with you, understand your potential strengths, and she also believes in you (when she urges you to move forward, she exclaims it, “then do it!” and remarks multiple times on your strength, so, i think its safe to assume she has confidence in you, now.) shes forming a connection with you. yippee!

she also she saves you from the falling rocks inside the cast off shell. and she just kind of leaves you in the snow afterward. so, her connection with you isnt enough to make her want to check on you any more, at this point. she still expresses a certain amount of apathy. whether or not she worries about you afterward, and simply deems remaining long enough if youve been damaged is inappropriate? i couldnt say.

or maybe thats why she pauses over you, for a moment? she could be seeing if youre alright, or something? maybe she is, maybe she isnt. i dont know. it is notable though, that if she went in to save you, she had most likely been watching/stalking you.

probably something she learned from her mother, and deepnest, that stalking unseen. anyway, onto the void.

okay, here we go. here, we really get to talk about how hornet “echoes her father.” hornet meets you at a ledge— the same ledge where the pale king met with the pure vessel— you must ascend and take the journey again up, from the void, to her.

it is almost identical. prove yourself to your kin, through arduous trials. reach them, at the peak of the void, after making the difficult journey. meet them at a ledge. there, they will express their approval.

but the difference, i think, speaks the loudest about hornets connection with, and view on you (ghost), and the rest of the vessels.

and that difference is? she talks to you.

she doesnt see youve succeeded, and then leave, expecting you to follow. she doesnt only stand there, watching and waiting to see if youve done what she wanted. she not only talks to you,

but she tries to relate with you, she relays her own, personal emotions to you, her hopes and wishes. would she ever have done this, back at greenpath? probably not. the pale king have done this? probably not.

and she also,

again, offers you a choice, and presents both sides of the decision, to you. she also acknowledges that you have the choice to replace the hollow knight, which, up until i unlocked this dialogue, seemed like the one linear goal she was directing you towards, to me, or stop the cycle completely by facing the “heart of the infection.”

okay. black egg time.

another acknowledgement of your emotions is in this line despite you reaching the goal that should have required the lack of them. she still thinks your strengths lie within your mind.

i think before this, hornet wouldve been more certain. but ghost has given her lots of new ideas, about her family, and about the vessels.

so, naturally, she might question if this really is the only correct path for you.

to conclude,

hornets views of the vessels, ghost, her sibling, and their role, all come to directly parallel the pale kings, eventually. ghosts journey effects her mindset deeply.

you see her, first, as the steely protector, in your way, who speaks with finality and fierceness. and, later, she becomes more of a sister—the only other free survivor of your family, who shares the knowledge of your tragedy, who will push you towards your goal, until youve accomplished it, and given you both, and your world, peace.

[the-moon-files]

YESSSSS I BEG GET INTO THE CULTURAL DIDFERENCES BETWEEN HYLIANS AND HUMANS 🙏🙏

...now ur just sweet talking me 🥰 /lh

Not years, well maybe 1 year-

but i have wanted to ramble desperately to smone, even the tumblr void if i had to, abt humans vs. hylians so much, esp with a guide reader or male reader bc whatdya know im into niche stuff that only u and like 2 other ppl like lmao ¯\(ツ)/¯

Anyway im so shocked, since ur like the third person to be interested in this and wanna hear abt it 🥺 🤲💌 here u go!! Hope u like it <333 👉👈

Sun: Masc!Reader (he/him)

Orbit: Humans are Not Hylians/Humans are Space Orcs AU, Headcanons-ish, long overall but each section is kinda short

Stars: Mostly worldbuilding! you've been warned, don't get mad me for not talking abt the boys too much✌️

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: mild cursing, mentions of private area/joke in the clothing headcanons, & Trigger Warnings: none known.

Please comment if I missed any. /gen

☆

just some quick headcanons bc tbh i haven't given it too much thought, and i feel like I've been able to somewhat get into it in other posts? or maybe im thinking of stuff i have in my drafts idk-

Imma make another list, so buckle up for the short ride lol

Courting periods/dating/marriage

individual/small groups society-based hylians v. large personal groups/large community society-based humans

simpler foods hylians v. complex food humans

clothing modesty/style/relationships with fashion

fighting styles/strategies

entertainment complexity/differences

and language

☆

1st one, not much yet, im also making a separate post bc someone else asked me to talk abt that more 🥺

(tysm for all the enthusiastic asks guys <33)

anyway, basically hylian courting is a lot shorter, think “lesbians with the uhaul” type of energy, like sort of the classical medieval “does thee wish to pursue marriage with this one?” ← how hylians ask u out for the first time lmao

if it helps, they do tend to get to know one another well, talking about morals/kids/life goals/preferred lifestyle/house/etc. pretty clearly and quickly, then using the in between time to sort of stew on that information

id say the total time is sort of something like 6 months? maybe 3/4 if they're really compatible

(so bc i love interpreting video game logic for real world building, I actually blame this on how fast Zelda/link get together in games despite having sometimes never met before that moment lol)

like i said, ill be posting about this later

2nd one!!

pretty basic, just saying we don't really see hylians in big groups, despite the organizations they form, like kingdoms/knights or on a more personal level, towns/families/etc.

(once again, in-game appearances/video game logic translated to real life to draw these conclusions)

like not only are family units pretty small, like nuclear family setup, with like 2 parents and 2 kids, or single parent 1 kid type of situation, but the towns or collections of these families arent very big either

hylians kind of use their government the way it was intended lmao?

like the villages and towns matter more for everyday decisions than the kingdom/royalty, like Zelda would esstientally just be the mayor of Castle Town for those constant decisions,

while occasionally is called on to make decisions like for several towns or like is a natural disaster happens

meanwhile humans are, in comparison, in Way Bigger groups, both on an organization scale, and a personal scale

like u have all these specific branches of government, whereas im sure the population difference doesn't help,

and on a personal level, humans can easily have like multiple parents, lots of siblings, and once u combine that with each parent having family too, and those families like to meet up? All together??

yeah, itd look insane to any hylians (who’s smaller extended family may just make up their own village and that's it)

3. I've touched on this

like the use of spices, syrups, seasonings, etc

but also the complexity of dishes too, like chilling cream and mixing it for awhile to make ice cream, or even just getting ordering a pizza,

that's a lot of processing, like making the dough from flour and other ingredients, to letting it rise, to making the tomato paste, making cheese, then combining those things with any other toppings, all into one dish??

i like to think that hylians have only just started to touch on actual complicated cooking processes (as in BOTW, where they sell flour and salt, so people besides Link/Wild must know what to do with it)

this has the advantage of impressing any hylian with what a “creative genius” you are lol

4. look im just a fan of medieval time periods Links

so i think its funny if the hylians are used to like 4/3 layers and ur over here like, “wym, if i take off my shirt there's nothing underneath?”

one of them gets bold enough to ask, “d-do you not. do you not have undergarments??”

you “just my boxers? like just to cover my di-”

also this makes its easy to seduce people here? LMAO

clothes are def higher quality, after all there's not as many artificial processes or materials interfering,

plus u usually get some sick embroidery on it too!!

5. so like i get it, Link is the main fighter in games

but like, the few times there is a war/army in loz games, there's rlly not a lot of strategy, beyond just finding the enemy and fighting

tho im partial to that hylians/most inhabitants of Hyrule abide by the “lets meet up either literally by inviting each other or just between our territories to fight”

with occasional guerilla warfare (by any means necessary/stealth/ambush attacks/strategy) that's only rlly used either by Demise/Ganon, or by the wilder individuals/races in games

or maybe even the more civilized fighters in an emergency

and so that means by this logic that all of the Chain use kind of wild techniques compared to their race/kingdom lmao

id imagine its not too surprising to also see “every fight is a bar fight if its for my life” from individual travelers, so im sure they're not viewed too crazy (esp when ppl know their the hero that constantly has to deal with guerilla warfare from Ganon)

but its be hilarious to watch the reactions of both the Links realizing they’re in a bigger group that should be using “proper” fighting strategies and seeing the general publics reaction to this absolutely feral, armed to the teeth, trained hylians with their equally wild human lol

LMAO everyone thinks ur the reason they started using the more brutal fighting methods bc ur human, ur a bad influence lol

(humans would use it primarily, esp after we converted to use that method in warfare a couple hundred years ago i think?)

changing course a bit, hylians tend to use weapons (to compensate for difference in strength compared to humans, and since they don't experience/get a lesser version of adrenaline)

while humans tend to equally rely on weapons and our body as a weapon (marital arts/basic self-defense)

6. this is mostly bc the hylians only rlly seem to have the basics of music, books/stories, theater, and art

i have, surprise surprise, another post abt how i think this came to be,

mostly based on how human curiosity is indomitable and insatiable and the endless force that has not yet met its immovable object.

or at least an immovable object they haven't at least poked a little, out of curiosity lol

like we went to space for that reason, we reach the most dangerous corners of our planet (deep underwater/volcanoes) out of sheer curiousity/for the sake of simple knowledge of the thing

so needless to say, curiosity can absolutely drive any field to its limits, including the arts, which is why we can have stained glass, or movies/tv shows, hell, the marvel that is Hatsune Miku lmao

(fully for entertainment, a projection of light and sound, what is essentially magical illusions but u did it hte hard way, to the hylians)

on a different entertainment related note, i don't know if the hylians would be super into sports, or not really at all? mostly bc they have to use their fighting/training against real threats, not the sort of “fake” threats that sports are

but on the other hand i could see people like knights wanting to use their abilities for something other than violence and fighting bc their life or their villages lives depended on it

bet the Links would enjoy it for those reasons especially, what with at least sumo wrestling being a sport or activity for them at some point in history, and practically beg u for any new games to play, or to ref their games, bc whewwww

im sure they could get pretty competitive lol

7. obviously, their mostly influenced by the Japanese language

id almost like to imagine a sort of, if not outright Japanese (like with earlier heroes like Sky) then a sort of English-Japanese hybrid further along the line

sort of like how English has German/Greek/Latin roots and therefore u can see what words or structure comes from where, or even how u can understand a fair amount of basic words when other languages share the same roots (english, pants = spanish, pantalones)

would make for some funny miscommunications

or even better, most hylians liking ur unique accent or the Links love to hear u talk bc of it lol

☆

well the fever has broken, i am now free of the sickness that made me hack this up geez

i hope u got some enjoyment out of these my beloved anon!! esp since u were so nice as to ask abt it <33

hope u guys have a great weekend, look out for some more posts, bc its been great to get some more asks in lately and very motivating,

not to mention i actually have time to write now that my siblings graduated/we’ve moved several states over 💀

so i have reliable internet now too! sheesh :’)

Peace out,

🌙

[nightdustfallen]

Finally made a ref sheet lol if any of ya'll needed a bit more of a full view to draw em here it is, as well as the accurate non-shadowed colors By the way, you can use the tag "nightly.art" to see all of my art if you dont want to dig thru all of the other art (of lovely and talented people) that i regularly reblog

Which i suppose also segways into an introductory pinned post? perhaps

Well im Nightdust!! my main fursona is this guy above me, he is called Nightdust Fallen, he is a breed of a husky and a wolf, making him extremely fluffy and puffy! The reason for his name is by the fact that (in my head canon or lore) he came from a bunch of fallen space star dust, hence why he likes space so much and staring at the stars, he also has some sort of ice magic i havent fully fleshed out yet, one thing i can say tho is that when he sneezes, he does it softly and he puffs out small ice snowflakes and can freeze things he touches he is also supposed to wear glasses like me but i suck at drawing those and forgot to include them here anyway so

He is very shy, doesnt talk much but is very protective of his very close friends and would do anything to protect them and make sure they're safe, he is a femboy (of course), enjoys listening to calm relaxing music and high octane electronic music at times, is a gamer, likes cuddling up in bed and i think that's it

It also doubles up as a self description of myself so yeah lol Still tho feel free to send me an ask if you have any questions or anything, with that said onwards to more personal stuff

I enjoy drawing obviously, but i also enjoy cooking stuff and origami, i play a lot of roblox usually to pass time but a game i really got into is "Voices of the Void" i really recommend but it's not for everyone, i like the game's concept and how detailed the space is there. For some reason, a lot of the time i am cold, my hands, feet, nose and limbs overall are very cold which is why i thought about giving my oc some ice magic thing. I am taken, in a relationship with my cutie bunny bf, and my sexuality is bisexual. As said before i do not talk much since im not the social type and usually freeze up or dont know what to say, hence why sometimes i take a long time to respond to something or my response is "dry" or not full of much emotion since i dont really know what to say or feel like im annoying if i talk too much. If you read thru all of that and get here then reply with the word bean so i know you're a true one hehe. I also often wait for others to start the conversation rather than me starting since i again, feel like i would bother the other person or like i could distract them if they are doing something

Anyways i believe that is pretty much it, thank for reading all of this if you did, and i probably didnt mention lots of details i should have but they arent coming to my mind right now

[satellite-slickers]

some headcanon on Warframe creation and the like.

when we make a warframe we arent actually making a warframe, missions that give you warframe blueprints are actually you recovering actual parts of destroyed warframe from long ago.

we know that Natah talks a lot about how "tenno" are captured or found by various factions across the system, which to me reads as factions finding the remnants of warframes and hording them for whatever reason, and we're hunting them back down

we also know that a warframes are immortal in one of the highest calibers of the term, Umbra was im actual chunks when we found him and helminth had no trouble stitching him back together to the point the guy was ready to throw hands within no time at all

when you make the frame youre basically just giving everyones favorite sentient slime mold helminth the pieces of whoever it was that was destroyed in the past thousand years for whatever reason, along with whatever materials the thing needs to fix them up and get them going again

we know from Varzia that the Orokin would use aya and relics and whatever as basically the warehouse from the end of indana jones and the lost arc. anything they wanted to brush under the rug they would trap in the shrodingers cat weirdness of their relics, which raises some very interesting questions about why the prime frames were sealed away like that. We and the frames were their special little pet project super soldiers so why would they take the even better version of them and hide them away like that?

again, all of the warframes you can actually find in the system proper and recover are the baseline models, every single prime is from a relic, which again, the orokin used to hide things theyd rather forget existed.

I think the answer is that the orokin regreted making the primes, they werent controllable enough and they were afraid of them, so they locked them away and went back to making the less powerful frames, which were in use until we entered the second dream for a thousand years.

we know from the rhino delio that warframes weren't always passive and almost puppetlike as they are in the modern era, and balas himself says that our ability to preform transference with warframes is at its core because we are able to empathetically connect with the person inside the warframe and sync our minds with them, which doesn't mesh with the idea that our warframes except umbra are all mindless puppets.

I think the answer to what changed is just the sheer amount of time. the thousands of years between the old war and when natah wakes us up again isn't something that attention is given to but that is a monumental span of time. even for an immortal supersoldier. especially when you no longer have that mind meld connection with the godling whos void powers let you preform physics breaking feats.

i think that they just, as to quote jojo, "eventually, he stopped thinking".

they got broken, and were like that doe thousands of years, unlike umbra who was basically being constantly tortured with the memory of being forced to kill his own son and unable to go to sleep in the same way.

we give them to helminth to heal them and make them combat ready but they're still effectively in a coma, sleeping just like we used to be

[xaeydnquartz]

Part of me kinda wants to stop DMing my first and current campaign? IDK just need to vent

So, brief expo. like many, got into CR during the pandemic (mainly due to "The Legend of Vox Machina" which lead to me actually bingeing the all 3 campaigns) During which time a friend (who was in my immediate friend group but like the rest of my friend group, i didnt really feel close to) told me that he was really into CR as well. As a fresh new critter, i was stoked. Was able to share my blossoming love of CR with someone (FINALLY!) during which we both mentioned how D&D looked so much fun and that it would be really great to be able to play and ooo what if we got our friends together and played.

After which we discussed, if we did, who would be DM? Seeing as how none of our friends really played D&D our talk lead to either my friend or me and after asking the question "Which do you think you would prefer more?" It was clear i would try my hand at DMing (i like lore in games, and i like storytelling, and im a tad bit of a control freak at times, lol)

Anyway, we eventually got in touch with our close knit of friends, and though i intended to be a standard 6 we suddenly had an 8 party party (and that was with me having to tell even less close friends there wasnt room).

Feeling it would still be manageable (as there was precedent that i could pull inspo from, CR) i began planning a rough idea of a campaign and working with my friends to create their characters and running a session 0 so we were all on the same page. You know standard stuff.

-Fast Forward to current date and time-

It has its stressful moments, but i still am able to enjoy the time with my friends for the most part (though theres a lot of times were ive never felt lonelier) Which brings me to the whole point of the post, my need to vent to the void about this loneliness. Nobody really gets in touch or interacts with me at all. Not to talk about the campaign or even collab on their characters. The most i get are occasional critiques about how i could have done something better couple sessions prior and request to add another person to the 8 person party. When we have sessions, people show up late quite often, leave early quite often, have to cancel as they have other things they are doing (even though we planned and scheduled weeks prior) and even when people are there they somtimes feel like they arent always present. i already feel extremely distant from all of them as they all live closer to each other while i live on the totally opposite side of the state and theyve known each other way longer than i have, but the minimal interactions they have with me, the DM/GM of all people, just continues to add to all of it I know we all are busy with our lives, and that compared to those things D&D is really not that big of a deal or important. And i get that, it is just a game afterall, but it still manages to hit pretty hard

I've communicated my feelings through our time of this campaign, if im being honest, maybe not this indepth. I mean, its partially because i barely see or talk to them (again life gets in the way) but also because i feel extremely guilty for putting this kind of tension to something we are all supposed to be enjoying and relaxing to. Its especially painful as most recently 2 players, who said they would get in touch with me about changes possibly being being made to their characters, never got in touch in anyway shape or form, and its been about a month now? And session is in a week...i didnt even get much as a reply back. Idk, its been almost about a year now and i felt i just needed to get this out somewhere other than debating myself.

Thanks for listening tumblr.

[obitv]

i feel like. for the most part, pd fans dont think about the spirit world often. despite the ENTIRE ARC they spent there the ost people take away is mal = big evil guy and.. idk. the wispering woods Exists? but there is SO, SO MUCH going on there thats so much more important than youd think. just for starters

its a SERIES OF FLOATING ISLANDS IN A VOID, JUST LIKE FAUNA

mal? not so important there. his guide, ghoul (who we see a grand total of ONCE, in episode 10, and is mentioned again in episodes 11 and 12), is POTENTIALLY THOUSANDS OF YEARS OLD whereas mal i wouldnt put above 50, and thats even a stretch (i will get to the why later)

domains! those floating islands? all domains! ghoul? technically owns most of the domains! what does that mean? HE KNOWS EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS THERE AND CAN CONTROL IT.

also i think everyone forgets this but william was, visually, in his wisp form the entire time they were there

oh also ghoul has dozens if not hundreds of paintings of a man who might be jason king (ORIGAMI) in his castle.

so. ive taken the time to compile most of the information i could find on mal, ghoul, the spirit world, the wisps, an more into a handy post because im fucking insane (note: im only up to e13, the smoke samurai fight, in my rewatch. this IS where the majority of spirit world facts come from anyway, but anything i mention that isnt from those episodes wont be in as much detail bc my memory is ass. if you remember more things, let me know!) (also also, im going to avoid bringing up deadwood as much as i can because.... i think ive talked about it enough 😭)

starting with: GHOUL!

lets be honest. theres a very small chance you even remember this guy exists. but he is FASCINATING

to start with, he has a.. symbiotic relationship with mal, from what ive seen. he needs mal to interact with the physical world, mal needs him to go to the spirit world. ill go into this more in mals section

aside from that, mal is NOT the first physical vessel ghoul's taken. its not clear when he began working with mal, or how many forms he had before, but he's one of many

(also just a note because it can definitely be confusing... ghoul and mal seem to share control over the castle, but before seeing that mal is waiting for them in the dining room everyone was focused on ghoul and mal was barely brought up. its not clear if the things they see in the castle before going in to mal were his choice or ghouls but... ill include the paintings here)

on that note: the paintings!

what the fuck is going on in there

so. yeah. ghoul has.. dozens. and i mean DOZENS, hundreds if you count that they repeat over and over, of paintings featuring a man with "blond hair and chiselled jawline" in various important historical events. they line the walls of the upstairs corridor (the one that seems endless) and are never brought up again

do i think this is jason king? well im not convinced they ARENT... i will touch on this again later just keep it in mind

jumping back to domains, ghoul seems to have.. some degree of control over all of them. at least in the part of the spirit world he rules over, which i assume is. why he rules it. going by the king stuff its like. he owns all the land and "rents" it out to other spirits

rent is a nicer word, since he can CURSE PEOPLE to control domains and dictate how they behave

thats why the carnival is evil, if you remember. ghoul cursed the carnival skeleton (the REAL groundskeeper) to rule the domain and attack anyone who entered

what the fuck

also ghoul is a king

when looking for ghoul in ashes book, despite the very low roll they got some VERY important info: ghoul (who, when we see him, is comapred to antivenom from spiderman) -

this guy

HE WAS A HUMAN KING. his name is mentioned ALL THE WAY through ashes book, from front to back. a picture of a man in royal garb, was labelled with his name

something.. happened. that turned him from that spirit world king to a monstrosity.

its also never made clear if the man in the paintings is ghoul? we dont get a description of the kings face in the book and we dont get a description of the mans clothes

also, finally: when theyre in the physical world, mal and ghoul essentially share a body, with the body turning into That Thing ^^ when ghoul is in control. ghoul HAS to take control to open portals to the spirit world - he does it to william, and cantrip mentions it too when they interrogate her

he also appears separately from mal when they take william to the spirit world, but we dont see him at all in any other domains so thats a small sample size

BUT he Does have a fucking. encyclopedic knowledge of domains (which ill talk about later). he "knows all of these places [domains]"

NEXT: MAL!

where do i fucking start.

basic mal facts: asshole, british, very powerful, knows far too much about the spirit world to make any sense

just a basic overview of his powers, btw:

he can create illusions, float/fly (in the spirit world, at least), ghostshape, go intangible, and mayyybe has some sort of connection to earth or gravity powers because theres one point where he makes the ground beneath someone burst up but also that mightve been a weird ghostshaping trick and im honestly too scared to think about that

basically he seems to have most of williams powers + illusions and whatever that ground trick was. the only things we havent seen are invisibilty (which considering mechanically its just a flavouring of an advantage which isnt technically a power, makes sense) and the wisp form, though id consider the ghoul transformation to b the equivalent of that

oh in case you forgot he can also FREEZE. TIME. william isnt affected by this but im not sure if that was because mal wanted him to see what happened or because spirit shenanigans

also little aside but while williams powers manifest as wispy blue flames, mals are always black lightning (his ghostshaping, most noticeably)

the biggest mal question is.. how does he. know all that shit? youd expect ghoul to be the one who actuall has the knowledge but mal is ALWAYS the one they deal with

now you may be wondering: why is this an issue? well the thing is. we dont actually know ANYTHING about mal. we dont know where he comes from, what he wants, how he met ghoul, if his powers are his own or all come from ghoul... none of it

what we can ASSUME: mal was alive when he made some sort of deal with ghoul, because he obviously had a physical body. my personal theory is that mal is (one of?) the previous owner of ashe's book, since so far that's the only thing we've seen that allows you to summon spirits and allow them to possess you, and its full of references to ghoul. and quite honestly the thought that theres MULTIPLE books like that is terrifying. so

ok i actually just came up with that one on the spot but if mal had a better understanding of the language the book is in than ashe and wasnt so afraid to use it then actually him knowing a shitton about the spirit world makes so much sense. what the fuck

bizly bizlychannel youre prying that theory from my fucking corpse im in love with it now.

so. yeah. presumably, mal and ghoul made some sort of deal, because they work together. its not clear if mal is working to get william on his side by his own volition or if ghoul wants him to, or if its like a "ghoul brought it up and mal decided to go for it because hes better at talking and also isnt a horrifying monster" but whatever. unlike william and the wisps (amazing band name) who fight fucking constantly because william never ASKED for his powers, mal is comfortable with them

another thing mal seems to have control over is ghouls castle. he lays out the red carpet and makes every door lead to the dining room and also makes it impossible to leave

specifically, irt all the doors going to the dining room, bizly said "if he can control this castle and where it goes, thats what he wouldve done"

the corridor upstairs (without the carpet, with the paintings) also goes on literally forever. you cant go back once you walk far enough you have to go through a door. i have no idea if this was mal or ghouls choice

another thing! specifically layed out on the walls next to the carpet ("things he specifically wanted them to see") is an ornate dagger in a glass case. which vyncent with a gun steals but i dont think is brought up again ??? also the wording made me feel like there shouldve been more items listed but since condi immediately started stealing he just didnt include the rest ?? unsure

this is just a weird thing to note but theres like these freaky black tendrils that grab the table and hold it down when dakota tries to flip it. i dont know what to do with this information its just there

when william confronts mal on how much the spirits seem to hate him and ghoul, mal says "that's not what im here for" and, when pressed, says thats "a conversation for another day"

DOMAINS! AND THE SPIRIT WORLD IN GENERAL!

first: basics

the spirit world is, from what we've seen, a collection of floating islands over a void. these islands seem to all be "domains", places that are controlled by special spirits

the spaces between domains is the dead zone! this is where people go when they die, like 99% of the time. going there without special means (the hot air balloon, the carriage) will kill you.

so, how do you get a domain? ah. good... question....

one way is to kill whoever currently owns it. then its yours! congrats! you can alsp give away domains, but the only time we've directly seen this happen was the groundskeeper who was also cursed at the same time and ghoul seems to still have some control over the carnival anyway??? unclear

which leaves. william fucking wisp. because he has a domain! i am not getting into it here because ive said it all already but its there

also a little worth noting that williams domains seems to be shaped subconsciously without him even knowing it was there

i honestly cant speculate much more on williams domain because we just. dont have the answers. i could ask domain questions all fucking day like "did the wisps give william a domain" or "by being a powerful spirit did he just get an empty one or was one created just for him" etc etc we have no way of knowing

domains we know about: williams graveyard, the carnival, ghouls castle, the wispering woods (perhaps a series of domains? unknown), and the tricksters... house thing. do not ask me what the chaos zone is, i dont know and it scares me. if i had to guess itd be a series of. well. chaotic domains perhaps all partially ruled by the trickster but i also dont have ANY trickster lore written down bar "has a domain" so ill come back to that another day

and the obligatory deadwood mention: from what we can gather, the woods surrounding deadwood are where the barriers between the physical and spirit worlds are thinnest. specifically the area william died in was brought up which is totally linked to Everything about him

the wispering woods, in ashes book, is described as a "sanctuary" or "oasis". barely anybody has ever seen it and come back to say what it was like

ok bonus fact time. i dont know where to put these

WILLIAMS DAD? MAD FUCKING SUS

when they first talk to mal in his domain, he says the phrase "william! be a sport, be a pal, be my friend." its specifically noted that william recognises that phrase as something his dad said to him a lot as a child

mal is also pretty much.. the only person to call william "wisperer" consistantly. but for that phrase he said william

additionally, this entire. interaction between bizly and charlie

ill go crazy if i dont bring that up. so its here

AND! FINALLY! JASON MOTHERFUCKING KING!!! WHAT IS UP WITH THAT HUH?

in williams party city doritos induced fever dream (i am not talking about that ghost. i refuse) he sees the spirit world (floating islands) and he sees a throne made out of paper. this reads very clearly like a reference to origami/jason king, since hes dead at the start of the story

also i just want to say there IS a rolled where they say how jason died but theyre laughing really hard so i have absolutely no idea what theyre saying all i can hear is "dickass" im so sorry

so yeah. with that image in mind, hearing ghoul be described as a king (who HAS A CASTLE), and having so many paintings of a man who sounds similar to jason (am i reaching? maybe. but hes also the only prominent dead figure who already has connections to spirit world royalty and hes blond so let me have this) is just like. insane coincidence

i have nothing i can really prove here, because have o idea HOW jason an ghoul could be connected. but they are. i know it. believe me

thanks for reading this far it took me 2 hours to compile it all. if you have anything to add esp from later episodes PLEASEEEE PLEASE DO also if you wanna discuss anything i mentioned here i am always down.

[mihwee]

hi! hope youre doing well~ ^^ first time asking from you, so sorry if it seems kinda awkward ;; could i possibly ask for a nsfw alphabet with gn reader and tartaglia/childe from genshin impact if youre up for it?

dont stress, take care of yourself!

hi stink, i can finally do this again since im starting to post daily 💀 after this ill do a TVIDTD (the villainess is destinied to die) nsfw hc 🔥

The Harbinger's алфавит

sys/Content: NSFW ABC. childe gets fcked 🔥

WARNING: nsfw duh, mention of bloodplay, clits nd cocks, but no specified gender

MINORS UNDER 13 DNI IN GEN. MINORS UNDER 16 DO NOT REQ.

GN READER / drabbles enjoy (+ im trying to find my blog aesthetic holy fuckk ) also, reader described as traveler or comrade yeh yeh

A: Aftercare

Let say, Childe is a sweet person. Whether its you who fucked the life out of him or vice versa, He was a person that lacked love and support from the beginning. But even so, with his playfull personality, i think he'll guarantee the best cuddles afterwards. Giving things he never received type of stuff. But ofcourse~ he'll love it more when you take care of him. (Even if hes fully capable of doing it himself lmao)

"How sweet of you y/n, How about you come a little closer."

B: bodypart :: which part do they mwa mwa the most

Your hair maybe. He likes taking little swifts of your scent every now and then, and especially your perfume, your shampoo... so he knows What type of perfumes you like. (So he can buy u them~) If were talking about Things He'd want To lick, suck and maybe gobble up... Thats up to your imagination.

"Oh, how can i just choose one comrade?"

C: Cum :: does they love cum, hate cum etc

Childe loves the feeling the he pleased you so much, (as usual.) He would usually lick up all your release, Letting the unusual flavor slide down his throat. A feeling that he cant buy again no matter how much money he gives.

"C'mon. Dont be a Loser, round two!"

D: Dirty Secret

Heavy Masochist. Honestly, hes a mix of both. He feels the thrill of fighting, the possbility of losing excites him the most. So it woudnt be a suprise if he likes getting a spank or two. Maybe a couple fingers inside, four? Pfft. Not a problem. you can choose which hole, He woudnt mind.

"A-ahh.. you can keep going, right there."

E: Experience :: how many cocks have childe took up his ass? Only time would tell

In terms of flirtiness, fuck hes a veteran. Before he met you, it was a usual ocassion that he slept with a couple women there and there. yet, never filling that void deep inside his heart. (oo~ emo.) You can enrust him he knows what hes doing, and exactly knowing how to send you over the edge.

"Mmh, close already? Want me to keep going?"

F: Favourite position

Missonary, Mating press, lotus position etc... he loves seeing your expression, your face. So its no wonder he likes these types of positions. Whether your biting your lip in pleasure as you pound into him, Or pool drooling onto your shirt as he bended your leg over. Fucking you to the fullest

"dont hide your face from me."

G: goofiness (he cant contain the silliness 😢) :: how silly are they in the sheets

Is he more humourous during sex? Not really. Well ofcourse he is on a normal day, Just not when you both are going feral on eachother. he particualarly likes being a little more serious on how he can make you orgasam. But sometimes, like for example: when you both accidentally broke the legs of the bed you were fuckin' on

He'd definetly let out a laugh or two lmaoo

"Get up~ we arent done yet."

H: Hair ::

Id say hes pretty well trimmed (if were talking ab pubes) not too much. Neither alot, Musk makes up for alot of aspects in sex you know? Plus hes busy killing people, itd be a waste to shave it all off anyway LMAO, + if its YOU were talking about, He doesnt give a fuck lol, a Poles a pole, and a holes a hole. You know the sayings

"H-hey! What are you pulling on? ......Nevermind." *💀💀

i: Intimacy :: careless whisper in the background~ how romantic are they?

Id say hes quite the rough-romantic? Always either wanting to get spanked or slapped, or gripping onto your hips and shoulders. Whispering words of "I know you love this." And all that. I guess he likes complimenting himself by a ton, and your groans seem to fuel his desire up even more.

"Let me hear you. Show me how much you want to fuck me."

J: Jack off :

He doesent really jack off most of the time, too busy doing missions, too busy getting commanded to kill this, kill that, do this. But when he gets the chance to do so, the only thing that'll ever come to mind is you roaming your hands all over his body. Pitifully bc he only jerks off when hes far away from u, doing missions as said earlier.

"Y/n. Y/n. Y/n. Y/n* —very breathless manner... wow~

K: kink :: Name atleast one of their kinks!

Getting tied up, or tying someone up, restriction of someones movements, letting him do whatever he wants with them is quite the taboo thing he inherited from his fellow harbingers. It excites him more, for every sensation is doubled.

"Don't worry y/n,, i wont bite... unless.. you want me to."

L: location :: where do u two do the devils tango more frequently?

The classic bed or some hidden alleyway in the city of liyue. Childe is quite rowdy in the bedroom, as much as his personality guarantees. —He'd probbably be moaning in pleasure, your fingers knuckle deep inside his ass as some random kid checked up 'why is there a stray cat meowing sm?' LMFAOO

M: motivation :: How long does he last? minute boy or hour man? You get the lines.

I shoudve set this to L as libido. But~ childe is very determined. Hes a man known for his incredulous stamina, and his reputation for lasting upon hours and hours, AND best believe Your gonna walk away with limp legs or a broken voice. Nothing in between.

"Your already so needy Y/N~ why waste the time? Another round."

N: NO (helll noooo) : turn off or icks

Non-consensual. It stems from his childhood, from getting forced to do things he doesnt like. Or, knowing how to fight for his life at the mere age of 14 was something he never asked for as a defenseless child. As much as he likes to spice things up in the bedroom, CNC gives him quite the ick.

"I... i think ill pass on that Traveler."

O: oral

Definetly giving, He likes to draw out some of your cute moans As he sucks you off, Or lick your clit. Holding onto your thighs or thick shaft as he lowers his head onto your crotch. Making u groan his name in pleasure.

"Mmgh,Nngh. Do you like this y/n? "

P: Pace ;; how fast the plap plap

Depending, he usually starts from slow then it grows quicker by the time you both chase for release. In a particualary good morning, he'd rather thrust in your tight hole as he whispers sweet nothings, —or in a bad evening, Riding out your lenght till it cant even produce a drop of cum.

"Fuck,fuck... im close.. im.—h-hah..."

Q: quickie

It like a everyday thing for the two of you. In some quiet boutiques Changing room? Why not? In some discreet alleyway fucking like some kind of animals? Casual. A quick fuck woudnt hurt in the eyes of tartaglia, considering hes always on the move.

"Come on...anywhere would be good Y/n...."

R: risk

S: stamina ;; how long the plap plap

Speaking of quickie... he loves risks. He loves the feeling of your hand onto his mouth as your ride/fuck the shit out of him. he grows even more harder when you tell him to keep quiet. Honestly, hes just really up for anything.

"Shit... they c-can see us.."

T: toy ;; do they use brr?

Stamina and pace is very different, as always— it depends. Childe can last for up to 8 hours with you AND a stack of bottled waters. And sometimes, he'd writhe under you, clawing your back as he came for litteraly the 5th time. Feeling like he cant take it anymore.

"Rougher..rougher..fuck, p-please.."

U: unfair :: how much dey like to tease frr

Ofcourse. A wide selection of cuffs, Muzzles, Butt plugs, Everything, its mostly you who decided to buy them to use on childe.. with his money... ahen. But he doesnt pay any mind, He even finds it quite arousing...

"Dont turn it...up...h-hah...please.."

V: volume :: how loud this bitch

Very. Childe is MAXED out stats when it comes to teasing. Letting go of your shaft as you almost neared your climax, Or pulling out the moment you convulse around his dick. He teases so much, you feel like your about to punch him at any waiting moment.

"Woah woah.. so pumped up already?"

W: wild card ;; (wild headcanon, Wild scenario etc)

he freqently lets out rough growls, or slutty whimpers. And doesnt feel embarassed to let all his noises out. —Eitherways, it always feels like music to your ears.

"....D-Dont laugh at me..."

X: Xtreme

Ok. So, You heard that childe was rumoured to be quite the playboy in his motherland. Fucking women left and right, but never reaching his climax. And it seemed to intrigue you. Later that night.. you fuck him hard and count every time he orgasamed. Sucking him to the very last drop.

"I-it was the thing of the past! C-come on now... please...nngh.."

Y: Yearning ;; how much he misses u when ur out

Hm, It might sound unusual, but he loves bloodplay. He might hate most things like Vomiting, Or stool-play, Blood is no match, and one of the many factors that turned him on quite fucked up-ly. Get it? Nevermind. You dont need to dig into it...

"Tastes the best, Mmh."

I feel like ive written this, Hm. But, He feels quite the slump whenever your not around. Even sfter his missions with the fatui, his energy quite drained whenever your not there, and hugging some random pillow in your house. (That he sneaked into when your away lol)

"When will y/n arrive... Haahh..."

Z: ZZZ :: after zex... do mimimi right away?

Not really. When he feels holding up a little, he loved to stare at you dearingly. Watching your chest rise up and down as you breathed softly, and the way your hair framed your face as you slept after a pretty hard session. Keepying you protected under his watch.

"How cute, Traveler."

I put some explanation for some Letters, bc ik some of us dumb as shit like me who dont get it right away unless i read the desc myself

this also took awhile 💀 me and my friends 10hr swimming trip ended so im really dead tired (maybe id write more for some reqs if i get horny as fuck)

ALSO I HOPE U GUYS DIDNT SEE THE WAY MY EFFORT PLUMMELED TO THE GROUND..its night here in my country...

[mariska]

hello world i am awake and have my first dose of daily medications in my system and thus have a lil bit of energy at the moment to just Type My Thoughts Out Into The Void On Here. so here is my non internet/social media life update for all of u today:

later in the day i am finally gonna be able to meet/hang out with one of my longest exclusively internet-based friends of mine after a little under 10 years of us being friends!! im so happy + excited for it but i still have some chores and last minute cleaning stuff i gotta do before he gets here, hopefully waking up a lot earlier than i usually do will give me whatever time i need to finish my part of the household preparations 😅 but yeah!!! he's a mutual friend of both me and Eli (obviously, would not otherwise just be like. hey Eli this person u dont know or hypothetically arent friends with actively is also staying at the house while ur here get used to it HFSGSHSCGSF) and we've been trying to put together some kind of non-internet hangout trip for years and it just didnt work out until this time around.

right before the first global shutdown covid wave back in early 2020 the three of us had been trying to plan a May hangout together that we called "superbirthday" (cus my birthday is may 6 and my friend Jon's, person who is coming here 2day, has a may 26 birthday, so the 20 days in between both our birthdays is 'superbirthday' celebration time 😌✌️) so im like. beyond excited that we've all actually been able to make it happen for real this time!!

i've met up irl now with quite a few of my good friends who were people i originally met online in some way but it's still so surreal in a happy way whenever that happens again. me and Jon originally became friends through the Gmod server "Gmod Towers" (which doesnt even exist anymore it has its own separate game that both me and Jon actually contributed to the fundraising campaign for the devs to develop yrs ago) in like. fall of 2014, if u never played on it back then, it was a really chill fun virtual hangout server world kinda similar to like....imvu/second life, that kinda thing, but on a much smaller scale than either of those and with most playable characters taken from like, the general Gmod Valve Game Character Model List. it was styled like a resort type hotel with different areas of the map having different activities u could do with friends or anyone else around, there was a mini games section and a big hotel lobby where a lot of people just sat in groups and talked with their mic headsets and a hotel room area that saved whatever interior decor u set up in ur room, u could watch youtube vids on a virtual tv and throw parties for the server to come join and be goofy at....Good Times.

ANYWAYS all of that to say, as awful as the general internet experience can be like all the time forever especially in more modern yrs, im really grateful that in my life i've been able to make such meaningful connections and friendships with people online, sometimes in niche lil corners of the internet with dedicated fan followings like Gmod Tower!! i say it irl all the time to ppl but the internet truly Was Not One Big Mistake despite the increasing chaos of the whole big picture concept, being someone who is disabled and had to drop out of school at 14 to quite literally keep myself alive and keep my body/brain from totally failing on me, i genuinely don't think i would have many friends if any at all if i hadn't been able to connect with people online, especially with my Agoraphobia making it very difficult to like. put myself out there in the world.

....yeah! so. thats what i am up to currently. and yes we WILL all be playing Kirby Air Ride for the Gamecube on my Pink Disney Princess TV as a Superbirthday™️ activity. for ur information.

[kasaneteto]

things that have been on my mind recently:

1) i miss the posting format of twitter. well i guess not the posting so much as the following format. the posting aspect is not that different from tumblr i just miss having a private space to ramble, because tumblr is much more anyone-can-see-it. private instagrams arent the same. passworded blogs arent the same either cuz iirc those posts dont show up on your dash so thats more like screaming into a void. fuck you elon musk for taking away my safe space 🖕 it has been nice to talk more with people i wasn’t seeing on twitter tho. so im glad about that at least. its also VERY nice to not have a character limit

2) i use romantic relationships as a crutch in my life which is why theyve all turned out the way they have. or at least part of it. i need to have a relationship that moves slowly but ive never had that. every relationship ive ever had was like, jumping head first into the deep end. there was no build up or anything it was just “i like you” “i like you too” “okay we are dating now” and then i spend all day every day with that person until i get tired of them and the relationship. its fucked up!!!! i don’t want to be like that!!!! i have no idea when ill be ready for a new relationship but when i am i need to be pickier. i need to go for someone who’s exactly my type. because i also need to learn how to be independent and im still learning that. but once im independent enough to start dating again i need to wait for the perfect person to come into my life & then throw everything at them. (had a whole long thing describing my type here that i cut bc i dont want anyone to think im describing them and get weird in my dms. idk i attract desperate weirdos like flies so im being careful leave me alone) and who knows how long it will take to find someone like that! could take forever! anyways ive gone way off the rails here but the point im trying to make is that im perfectly content waiting for the perfect person to come into my life because i need to be focused on myself right now anyways.

3) i do very poorly with guilt & feeling like ive upset someone important to me. especially if the upset feels justified to me. my brain tends to rationalize my behavior for me by thinking things like “thats a weird thing to be upset by” or something when like. that doesn’t matter. maybe this is a normal thing to do but i wish guilt didnt consume me the way it does. even after ive apologized and the person has forgiven me im still so guilt ridden that it makes me depressed. its so weird. i don’t understand it at all. its something i gotta talk to my therapist abt. thats why im writing all of this down anyways is so ill remember what i wanna talk to her abt this week lol

[222trin]

hello personal online diary!

my ex made me delete the last one but no more. im not deleting this shit for anybody. i love memories and my train of thought.

quick update, well yea tahja and i arent together anymore. a bit sad but honestly i gave my best and i have no regrets. he regrets hurting me and i appreciate that but he said something like " i want you but not rn" and im not feeling that /: also hung out w me while he had a hickey? i didnt really care but like rude? imo. hm i dont know if i can or am willing to wait for someone. idk in my head its like if you want me then come get me? i dont ever want to be a second choice.

frustrating... i know

anyways

right now im on this journey to explore more of myself. might do drugs. might not. the world may never know. i want to dive deeper into my internal being. "why am i such a nurturer." could it be my double pisces cancer rising? could it be because i am mexican? who gives a FUCK . well i do but

fuck i missed this shit. TUMBLR IF U CAN HEAR ME ILY <3 its so nice to vent into the void again...

echHhhooooOoOooOoOoooooo

see no one hears its so nice

anyways yeah femininity and shit

im so proud of myself and how hot ive become

so independent and so loving

despite being hurt.

what a strong ass female. lol i love how this just become a trinity hype page. been exploring my sensuality too! no new kinks :p maybe one of the guys im talking to in LA will teach me something new . lol jk im celibate

[v-h-lupin]

Marauders as Portals songs

Remus --- Moon Cy- JK JK Battle of the Larynx! "they talk without thinking, they bark while theyre shaking with teeth that are round and dull" "how stupid, selfish baby. dont you battle with my larynx tonight. ill wreck you, if you chase me"

Sirius --- Evil, "if you bite my hand again, i will never feed you, you can call me evil" "I won't be mistreated, please call me conceited." "take it to the grave if you want to play pretend,

Peter --- Leeches "slimy, and superficial, straightening their artificial yapping to seem official" "how much blood can you draw from the flesh thats not yours, my hands arent yours" "gnaw on my bones, no marrow left to keep you enthralled"

James --- Light Shower, "I was surprised to see heaven in your eyes, feels like ive never felt the rain"

Regulus --- Void, "theres rotten things left in me, injected by society, no one here but me to judge me." "i hate who i was before" "like a priest behind confession walls I judge myself" "so strange, im tryna find a doorway, my eyes are staring at me, they seem so unhappy"

Mary --- Milk of the Siren , or The Contortionist. "Engraved in our memory...Our mothers, the witches they banished and burned, All of our sisters were killed and abused By sword-swinging men who would always accuse" "

Lily --- Nymphology, "I won't lick your wounds today, But I'll throw you in a grave, get you with my suffering, I'm not crazy, I'm not wild, you're just stupid, little child. Get your image off my back"

grant --- ALSO Light shower, ok??? "you turned up the heat... my past grew mold around my heart, all my sadness, anger, regret disappeared"

Pandora --- Faerie Soiree, "Led me astray to the faerie soirée, Alone, alone, And now I wanna run with the magic, Lose sight of the gravity of home" "somewhere on venus, theyre searching for me"

Severus --- Spider Web "I'm hiding myself from the enemy, I wish to not be perceived" Didn't ask for this dangerous visibility, I'm afraid I'm too scared to sleep"