#im writing this at 2 in the morning.... my sleep schedule its just a mess | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

emsvegetables · 4 years

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Hello!! first, I wanted to tell you that your med student hcs were literally SO good they really hit home for me. I I was also wondering if I could ask for hcs of Kuroo, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki who are stuck at home with their s/o? Like, who goes insane first? How do they pass time? Also, if they're in college, how many times do they also go to class online? Thank you so much!!!

omg anon this request WAS SO FUN TO WRITE thank you for requesting this :-)!!!!!

Kuroo:

* STUCK IN QUARANTINE WITH THIS MAN???

* That’s my dream lmaoooo

* N E WAYS

* He’s so EXCITED he gets to be in quarantine with you!!!!

* Like, even though the both of you share the apartment and are dating, it’s very hard to actually spend time with you, with the both of you being in different courses in college after all.

* So spending time with you??? He’s so happy.

* Before the quarantine really goes into effect, he’s insisting that the both of you have to go get some groceries.

* BC HE KNOWS THAT YOUR LAZY ASS WONT LEAVE THE HOUSE ONCE THE QUARANTINE STARTS LMAOOOO

* He’s always making breakfast for you in the morning!!!! LIKE???? This man is husband material 10/10.

* If you aren’t awake by the time he’s plated the food, he runs into the room and carries you out.

* There was once he dropped you on the floor but we don’t talk about that.

* When you guys have lessons on???? The both of you are in separate rooms bc you’re too distracting to him.

* But you bet that if you have a call going on and he doesn’t, he’s creeping beside you and saying some weird ass stuff to distract YOU.

* There was one time this asshole came into the room saying,” are you made of Fluorine, Iodine and Neon? Cause you’re F-I-Ne!” while your mike was on.

* BRUH your whole class literally started laughing at you.

* Even the professor GIGGLED.

* At this point Kuroo’s face is the shocked pikachu one.

* BC HE DIDNT KNOW YOUR MIKE WAS ON ORIRIIFIDIFJFJDIOW

* And ofc you get back at him during one of his lessons later on during that day.

* He’s focusing on the teacher and writing down notes onto his notebook when you hear the teacher ask him a question.

* You’re like: ITS GO TIME BABY.

* When Kuroo unmutes himself to answer the question, you’re pressing a quick kiss onto his neck and biting down on it.

* “The answer to the question is—ah shit baby it’s going to be like that?”

* RIRKFKFK THE WHOLE CLASS GOES SILENT THEN.

* Then Kuroo realises what just came out of his mouth and YOU bet this is the first time you’ve seen him so embarrassed.

* HAHAHAHAHA

* His teacher just keeps quiet for a moment; before asking another student the same question and completely ignoring Kuroo for the rest of the call.

* REIOFDO YOU BET HE’S GOING TO TICKLE YOU UNTIL YOU CRY FOR THAT and maybe do something else that’ll make you REALLY CRY.

* Tbh the both of you love each other so much, and there’s never a boring moment with Kuroo in quarantine.

* He keeps you on your toes, and you keep him on his, so you’re actually not bored or tired of him in quarantine!!!!

* But when he sees that you’re getting a little fidgety and tense, he’s immediately suggesting something that the both of you don’t do usually.

* Like BAKING???? He’s happily making cinnamon rolls with you and dancing with you in the kitchen to some weird song.

* Or he’s playing WII with you, and the both of you make so much noise the neighbours come over and ask you politely if you could...”make love a little quieter” DOROFOFIFIFIEIEI

* So none of you go insane because this man just KNOWS how to handle you!!!

Matsukawa:

* AHHH THIS IS PT 2 OF MY DREAM

* ANYWAYS

* This guy??? He’s such a sweet man.

* When he realises quarantine is going to go into effect, he’s dragging you out to buy some essentials for your lockdown.

* He’s making sure to buy at least some healthy snacks and vegetables to make sure you stay healthy during this time period!!!!!

* OKAY LETS BE REAL this guy is the one that takes care of the other in the relationship.

* He’s making sure you go to sleep at the time you should be in bed, and hauls your ass to bed if you refuse to do so.

* But his cuddles are very soothing so you fall asleep VERY quickly.

* But if you really can’t sleep??? He’s staying up to talk to you about anything that comes into your mind.

* He’s also making sure you eat!!!! He’ll make lunch for you if he sees that you overslept and missed breakfast.

* If you want to bake, he’s trying his best to help you, but this man can only give you the ingredients bc for some reason he SUCKS at baking.

* He tries baking cupcakes for you in the middle of your lessons one day and the cupcakes were all droopy and uncooked. SO LESSON LEARNT.

* SPEAKING OF LESSONS:

* Tbh he knows not to distract you in the middle of lessons, so he’s either in another room during your lessons or he’s quietly resting his head on your thighs.

* BUT.

* You’re totally different.

* You make it a point to disrupt his lessons all the time, always asking for cuddles in the middle of his lessons and asking for kisses as well!!!

* He just sighs at you when you come crawling towards him while he’s writing down notes, and just opens his arms to allow you to crawl into his lap.

* THERE WAS ONCE where you were cuddling him and the teacher asked him to answer a question, so he turned on his mike and camera, and then he hears a loud gasp.

* “Matsukawa! What are you doing?”

* YOU WERE SITTING ON HIS LAP AND FACING THE BACK WHAT DID IT LOOK LIKE YOU WERE DOING

* “IM SORRY MISS!”

* DIORIRRIRKRK when he hears you laugh, you bet he’s going to punish you later 👀😎

* But as much as the both of you love to spend time with each other...do you know who goes insane first??

* YOU.

* You need to go outside!!!!!

* Mattsun notices how you’re getting all tense, and he’s trying his best to take your mind out of it.

* He’s asking you to exercise with him, and it often leads to OTHER THINGS HAHAHA

* And he plays some random two player online games with you!!!!!!

* “(Y/N) NO FAIR YOU HIT ME!”

* In other words, being stuck with Mattsun in quarantine is a fun thing!!!

* You go insane but he’s there to perk you up!!!!!

Hanamaki:

* PART THREE OF MY DREAM!!!!

* This man :””)

* Tbh you’re 90% of his impulse control, so when the both of you split up to buy the essentials you need during quarantine, this boy comes back with potato chips and all the unhealthy snacks.

* But you can never say no to him so you buy those in the end :(

* This guy is amazing to be with, but it’s pretty obvious YOU’RE going to be the one taking care of him during quarantine.

* You’ll have to tell him it’s 12am and it’s time to sleep and to stop watching Rosemarie being disgusted with Ed.

* You’ll have to tell him, no, eating potato chips does NOT count as lunch.

* But sometimes he’s so damn convincing he’s pulling you into his lap to continue watching 90 day fiancé, and he’s feeding you the chips with a kiss to your lips.

* He’s trying out all those weird quarantine things that he saw on youtube with you LOLOLOL

* He got so bored that at one point he got into tiktok and made a video that went viral.

* But then he logged out bc he was BORED of Tiktok so...

* N E WAYS

* He goes to sleep late every night, but he somehow wakes up entirely refreshed for his lessons the next morning?????

* And you don’t disrupt him during his lessons, usually just reading quietly beside him or watching the television in the living room.

* But this little shit loves to bother you in the middle of lessons.

* BRUH HE SCARED YOU while you were trying to answer the question the teacher asked.

* You screamed into the mike and the teacher jumped.

* “(Y/N)! I asked you to answer a question, not murder my ears!”

* “Sorry miss!!!!!!”

* And when you hear Makki laugh after you mute yourself again, you instantly formulate a plan to murder him.

* But then, you thought, LETS MESS WITH THIS SHIT.

* So the next time he has lessons, you’re quietly reading beside him, and you casually place a hand on his thigh, which slowly moves up as the lesson goes on.

* He doesn’t notice at first, but when your hands brush dangerously close to where mini Makki is, he’s groaning.

* When the teacher calls Makki to answer a question, you grin.

* ITS YOUR TURN SUCKA

* You’re softly pressing against it when he unmutes himself, and he lets out a low, guttural groan, which the entire class hears.

* “Hanamaki, are you alright?”

* “Yes, Miss—“

* He GROANS again when you press a little harder.

* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SUCK IT.

* Iwaizumi’s in this zoom call, and you know he KNOWS what’s going on, based on the disgusted look on his face.

* Hanamaki somehow manages to answer the question, and when he mutes himself, he’s shooting you a smile and telling you that you’re in trouble.

* YOU REALLY WERE RIFIFIFKRK

* In the end, you’re the one going insane.

* BC YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH MAKKI’s shit every day.

* Not that you don’t love him, but caring for this man who doesn’t know what a healthy sleeping schedule is making you MAD.

* But he’s a GOD in the kitchen, and he’s making you these exquisite meals with the little groceries you have that you ALWAYS forget about how you’re slowly spiraling into insanity whenever you take a bite into the food.

* HES THAT GOOD.

* He makes you forget about all your troubles with a nice massage on the couch while the both of you watch 90 day fiancé together! :)!!!

hope you like, anon!!!!! :-)

#kuroo x reader #hanamaki x reader #matsukawa x reader #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu headcanons #kuroo tetsuro x reader #hanamaki takahiro x reader #matsukawa issei x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines

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kiwidotcom · 3 years

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ok this is like a legit blog post lmao. my sleep schedule is bizarre right now. so 4 am life blog post like its 2014 lmao

so many friends and people i know have been completing big projects in their lives, meeting huge goals, or just doing remarkably well for themselves recently. Of course im so happy for them but its been fucking with my head. for the last 8 years (minus the last 8 months lol) ive just been working full time or more, thinking that eventually id figure out what i want to do in life. but not only did i not figure out what i wanted to do, a pandemic hit and it completely fucked up the weird kinda path i had been on before. i feels like ive lost more than a year and a half it feels like ive lost an entire part of myself.

But pandemic right? i shouldnt feel bad about struggling when were literally living through something whose name the average person probably said four times before 2020. right?? except...

those people arent?? and not to say theyre not struggling. i know everyone has been through it these last 18 months. but seeing people my age, or more usually, a year or two younger than me, painting murals, or publishing magazines, or falling madly in love, its hard. Its hard when the greatest accomplishment ive had in the last few weeks is replying to an email from last october. i wish i was hyperbolizing. I mean its a seriously good day if i get out of bed and eat food that wasnt frozen. and if i clean the kitchen after?!! forget about it, im writing home about that. (i have yet to produce any such letters)

if money wasnt an issue, i know what id be doing. id be travelling all over the world. id be meeting people in hostels and letting them tell me where to go next, id try to learn new languages or be introduced to new cultures, id be using a plane ticket as a bookmark and a favourite food from every place.

but that was 2019 emma. sure she was scared of everything but she clenched her fists and ran toward it. now she cant even get out of bed enough to see out the window.

ok honestly this took a much darker turn than i expected. i actually feel ok right now. ironically, i would never have been able to write about any of this when the depression is really at its worst. which i think is why it all just fell out, because im finally able to verbalize this. because these last 4 or 5 days ive felt ok.

ive realized its ok to be starting my life at 25. as sad as i think that sounds. and that maybe im not as incapable as i think i am. (though, some things i am incapable of and sometimes its not just a matter of pushing through it, sometimes its a matter of recognizing that im brain damaged and to go easy on myself)

its only been for the last day but i think im genuinely considering going back to school. to work on a social work diploma but also maybe take like one art class at a time to finally finish my fine arts diploma???? i did a whole year, like, the pain of being an art school drop out is rough.

but anyway. my sleep schedule is MESSED AGAIN. idek why. it wasnt that bad until 2 nights ago. so im 3 melatonin in and its 4 am and im about to finish love island which i started earlier today. a guy on the show made a joke about his fiance finishing multiple shows and it burneddddd. i dont want to be this person. i dont think i am this person. oh my god i have so much more to say but i gotta stop because im going insane. why do i have so much energy at night ??!!

ok thats all. goooooodnight good morning

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transrightsjimin · 4 years

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im sorry im not rly in the BE hype atm :((

rant coming which has nothing to do w the album but everything w stress nd fatigue nd crying nd more job stress nd sensory overload and me turning everything into a worse issue in my head etc etc

i was this morning when i saw the mv nd watched the vlive but i obv slept way too few bc i went to bed late nd woke up early for the live and i had to rush a lot w errands nd an appointment w my autism coach nd at said appointment we called a dude from the municipality to inquire abt jobcoaches nd it turned out we misunderstood what jobcoaches are as they are who u get referred to when u have a job, nd the guy found it hard to figure out what type of trajectory(?) would best fit me for help nd now i have time to think abt it and will speak him again in 2 weeks or sooner if i want to. im just so tired nd a bit hungry and on edge and one sec, im in the side of the house tht faces kids playing around aka screeching as if theyre dying every second nd its majking me only more on edge!!!!

but urgh i cried so bad during the appointment and was prob way too rudde to her before the appointment, bc she talks loudly nd sounds rude nd confronting but just naturally bc ofher tone nd language nd urghgh h thikning abt jobs nd trying to talk nd not cry too hard when trying to explain stuff to the man over the phone was rly hard, like obv its fine if he knows im crying but its just hard to talk when crying nd im just so devastated thinking abt jobs!! i dont know what type of job i could handle nd it feels like im making everythig up bc i did somehow finish two studies in uni and im privileged enough w education and whiteness tobe more easily selected for a job by e.g. last name on my cv and i shouldnt be this picky but god i cant handle smth as physically demanding and underpaid as this, im tired 4/7 days that im not working nd what i earn in those 3 days is still not enough to cover rent bc they pay only for the delivery time itself instead of more hours!!! it just feels like wtf am i doing bc the municipality guy did admit im not the usual person he works w bc i had an education, as if i dont belong in the group but its really just an issue of having -100 confidence and no job experience!! like i rly dont strive for a fancy job or ‘’’career’’’, i just bneed something that i can pay my monthly expenses w and have a bit left to save up for e.g. emergencies, additional medical bills (like the 350 euros from the adhd diagnosis and therapy, which my autism coach will contact my adhd therapist abt, like if that bill can be delayed or split up in a payment plan), paying back for loan debt eventually and MAYBE soon god forbid i save up for smth fun. and i “need” the job also to have a daily activity and some structure in my life bc a large part of the reason my schedule is so fucked up is bc i have no more set time tht i need to be anywhere or any strictness or reason to get up nd so i just dont ghhh

im always looking for reasons why i cant do smth and why smth would go wrong and im already looking at every area where getting help w getting a job can go wrong like e.g. me being too stubborn abt companies i dont agree w or me thinking i cant do anything just bc i have not much working experience outside of mail delivery :(

nd then there was this A B C task list system my adhd therapist proposed in wihc i keep track of my most to least urgent + important tasks every day nd we werent sure where to keep track of that kind of list and she suggested sticking a paper to a wall (i think id rather use my wardrobe) to write it on and change or replace that every day and it sounds like a hassle but i rly need to do it every day, nd i can try other methods but thatd be either writing it on my phone but im not always on there nd theres not a type of file i can make that doesnt move back chronologically as i make new notes

ALSO im just very frustrated w myself bc my mom wanted to come over w food and i know she was too sudden w it but if only i left on time for the stores it wouldnt have been an issue. i feel like shes rly sad she couldnt come visit. fucking hell i rushed so much back and forth from the stores that i forgot to put the leftover letters from work yesterday into the outdoor mailbox and i already stress abt this bc my current teamcoach (aka manager) is more stricter w this stuff nd recently asked for a statement / explanation by me on why there were 29 letters w/o sticker from a route i did counted from the collected mail that were in outdoor mailboxes, and i did not do that but my only alibi / reason for not making that huge mistake was that i hadnt posted any mail yet that day and obv he wasnt happy w that. i sometimes had dreams / nightmares recently where i was late again or fucked up w a new route and got fired for it and thats quite an awful scenario / fear to me bc thats exactly why my dad was fired by his previous employee, for being late too often nd we’re the exact same. it just sucks bc i know many ppl who worry abt being late arrive to early at shit bc lol anxiety but i still arrive late every day WHILE being stressed abt it nd my whole fucking issue is that i need to break w bad patterns MYSELF, like whether i get help for autism stuff or adhd or sleep or whatnot, the homework / assignments / tasks / advice they give me, in the end i still need to be the one to do it and push through and make a change or put more effort into not going continuously back to the same distractions or demotivating black-white thinking

just URGH im so easily annoyed nd sensitive, also as in sensitive on a tactile level nd it doesnt help tht my room is a mess nd im super stinky from bts BE excitement and from squeezing my skin a lot last night, nor does the fact that i have rly bad coordination / awareness of my surroundings nd continuously bumping into shit or getting caught on smth help, which is also another reason im just so slow at work bc if i try to walk or deliver mail faster i keep end up bruising nd tripping or tear my hands on all these hard to move or sharp mail box slots if im not careful nd slower, which does still happen but not as bad when im careful

im also rly dizzy rn from haing slept too few and just urgh i “need“ a stupid fucking job, i need the money i need the structure but my god does actual labour and having to deal w colleagues every day and trying to keep up w stuff and be fast and precise enough in whatever the job is, sound horrifying hhhgghgh

OK RANT OVER IM SICK OF ME TALKING SO MUCH

#rambles #i dont even feel like explainig any of this stuff more if it was unclear #bc trying to re-tell what ppl from bureaucracies told me and each nd every thing explained is so complex

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loveseungs · 6 years

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stray kids reacting to you waking them up by kissing them all over their face

requested by anon

a/n: oh hell very nice

warnings: very soft things ahead read @ ur heart’s own risk

chan

- o heck - o goodness - where even do u start - he’ll prolly be passed the heck out if he even gets the chance to sleep - so like,, u’d often avoid tryna wake him up - esp caus we ALL KNO HE NEEDS IT,,, LIKe,,, - anyway - but he already slept for a good 10 hours and u know he needed to be somewhere so u hopped over to the side of the bed n started showering channie in kisses - just!! some soft n innocent pecks all over his face - his eyes slowly flutter open n he’s kinda confused for 5 secs but when he realizes he’s being,, showered in love n affection… the BIGGEST smile appears on his face - ok u know the face chan makes when he smiles rlly big where his eyes sorta disappear and he giggles a lil bit while smiling - fricfricfricfric abort mission as a chan stan im attacking myself - he’s just grinning like a fool and ur beginning to get flustered so u stop - he takes this opportunity to smooch ur nose - “good morning, sunshine!”

woojin

- i’d like 2 imagine u often fall asleep cuddling woojin bc he’s The Bear of the Century - he’s just… v v v warm and soft - but one time u guys fell asleep on the couch after watching some good ol’ romcoms, buried in each other’s arms - u were very much asleep but the sun kinda hit ur eyes as it seeped through the curtains and u woke up, feeling a little bit of weight on ur waist - u realized woojin was still snuggled into u - ajdlkasjdklajlkdajsl ur heart was melting wow what does it feel like 2 wake up smothered under the snuggles of the love of ur life - u shifted ur postion to plant tiny kisses all over his face bc ksjaldjlaksjldaj kim woooooooojin - like he was already awake bc u shifted in ur position but he decided to pretend he was sleeping so he could receive more kisses - kim woojin is a sly lil’ fricker ʕ •ᴥ• ʔʕ •ᴥ• ʔ - when woojin opened his eyes suddenly and smiled his Woojin SmileTM,, u almost fell out of the couch - “ur awake!!!” u exclaimed, covering ur face - “yes, I am,” he answered, pulling u into a close hug - suddenly ur face was like - 0.5 cm away from his n jkdslkdalsdjklasjdlka - he rested his forehead on urs so he could stare into your eyes,, which he thought were just. ugh. So heckn beautiful - “I didn’t expect to be woken up in such a pleasant way,” he admits, letting his eyes linger on yours.

minho

- ughhh I feel like minho loves this sorta thing - k so like - minho took one glance at his cats and decided that he was jealous of them bc they were sleeping so peacefully - so he decided, ‘yknow,, I’m going to take a good, well-deserved nap.’ - thing is - he forgot u were coming over to hang - when u got to his house, u saw minho just,, paSSED OUT on the couch - lmao me - u were just gonna let him sleep more for a bit caus g00dness knows he is in need of rest - but soonie and doongie started to meow and paw at their empty bowls - smh minho,, feed ur siblings - so u kneel down beside the couch and attempt to wake minho up - but ofC NOT BEFORE PULLING OUT UR PHONE AND SNAPPING PICS OF THIS BAREFACED BEAUTY - usually people look decent sleeping,,, but minho was just,, OUT COLD LMAO - next time minho teased u,,, u had smth u could use against him (◕ ˬ ◕✿) - its not like u took pics bc he looked rlly cute and peaceful,,, like,,, um,,, TOTALLY NOT - anyway,, his cat-siblings were getting kinda hungry so u moved over n started 2 plant smol kisses on his face - he mumbled some incoherent strings of sounds, but ended up fluttering his eyes open - when he realized it was u pressing kisses on his face, he just grinned - “oh?” he teased. “can’t resist me, can you?” - but his confident demeanor couldn’t fool you. you saw his ears turn bright (and I mean BRIGHT) pink - “no, not really. It’s more for you because I know you like it so much.” - “so do it more, why don’t you?”

changbin - CHANGBIN FALLS ASLEEP EVERYWHERE AND ANYWHERE - JUST SAYING - LIKE,, HE’S THE MEMBER MOST OFTEN CAUGHT SLEEPING ON VLOG - so when you find him knocked out cold in the studio, you’re not even surprised - it’s supposed to be lunch break but the others made u go and get changbin, who they thought was still working on music prod - NO! HE’S ASLEEP - u walk towards the sleeping boy and kiss the top of his head!! - ughh he smells good - a natural, fruity scent - wow seo changbin. just marry me - u make ur way from his hair to his forehead, then to the tip of his nose, then his cheeks - u were even considering giving him a short peck on the lips but u were interrupted bc those lips u wanted 2 kiss started to turn upwards into a smile - his eyes were closed but u could tell he was awake n u started 2 kinda get flusterd bc ‘O NO CHANGBIN CAUGHT ME BEING SOFT’ - expecting some kind of witty remark about his handsomeness, you brace yourself… only to find… - changbin looking at u with such a tender gaze - asklajdlksjdklad reader,, - he is so in love with you. - his eyes say it all: the way he stares at you so delicately is proof that he, seo changbin, is deeply, madly in love with you. - “So… are you gonna continue and kiss me on my lips? I mean… it’s too late to stop now.”

hyunjin

- LSJADLSDJLKASJDLKASJDAS HWANG HYUNJIN IS WHIPPED FOR KISSES - like honestly - he loves receiving kisses just as much as he loves giving them - this is actually how he wakes u up quite often—by smothering u in lil’ smooches - HE MAKES SURE HIS LIPS ARE ALWAYS IN PERFECT CONDITION BC HE N E E D S TO BE SURE THAT WHOEVER RECEIVES HIS KISSES LOVE THEM - and o my hell, u rlly do - but one time, you wake up and he’s still asleep, cuddling his pillow - this is when u decide to turn the tables and for the first time… pepper him in kisses - just. all over his face - but wait. U wanted 2 make sure they were The Best,, so u even took an extra step and quietly made ur way to the bathroom to brush ur teeth - THE LEAST U COULD DO WAS KISS HIM SMELLING DECENT, ALRIGHT - anyway, u crawled into bed again and started to smooch him all over his face - u just - admired every single one of his facial features and kissed them - he woke up with a sleepy giggle and before u knew it,, u were the one being smothered in kisses - “I see you’re trying to use my tricks on me. That’s so adorable.” - EVERY TIME I IMAGINE SLEEPY HYUNJIN I KINDA DIE A LITTLE BC SLEEPY!HYUNJIN ON CAMERA’S REALLY REALLY CUTE henlp im soft - bonus: on days hyunjin is especially hard to wake up, you do end up kissing him but he replies with the most obscure things - you: smooches him - him: “please don’t tell me they ran out of chicken”

jisung

- listen - anything u do to jisung makes him weak - he’s just so - HE LOVES!! AFFECTION - he’s constantly asking u if u could meet up - I mean, in regards to ur schedules - bc he rlly enjoys being w u !! - and u love 2 be with him - Saturday nights became hangout night for u two - usually u’d go shopping or take a walk in the part - sometimes even just go on spontaneous trips to far away - but tonight, yall jus wanted to stay in - the weather has been cold lately, so yall opted to jus snuggle and watch Netflix - it was already quite late when ur movie finished and by the time it did, jisung was sleeping on ur shoulder - ‘ah.. he must be tired,’ you thought, examining his face - he looked,,, so tranquil, so calm… - what a rare moment bc we all know he’s rlly l o u d - but ur shoulder was starting to hurt and u wanted to make sure u could sleep comfortably - “jisung,” you whispered, planting a kiss on his forehead. “wake up… the movie’s over and I don’t want to sleep sitting down.” - he stirred a little bit, but his eyes remained closed - “jisuuuuungggg…” you mumbled, “if you don’t wake up, I’m going to kiss you.” - he’d woken up already, but seeing as you made such an offer, he mustered all his strength not to smile and pretended he was asleep - you sighed and smooched his cheeks. “jisuuung, wake up.” - “no,” he said quietly. “if I do, you won’t kiss me.” - gosh darn fellas which kdrama is this - why am I writing such cheesy things,,, I actually apologize - “can we please not sleep sitting down??? My back hurts, okay??” you requested, slapping jisung’s squirrel cheeks playfully. - “okay, but you have to wake me up like that again tomorrow.”

felix

- one word: - disaster - absolute calamity - rule 1: don’t make lee felix’s heart melt or else - but like - u, dear reader, are a rule breaker - anyway - ur neighbors w/ felix so u can easily just barge into his house n wake him up for school - and that’s what’d happen anyway - you guys would wake up, wake each other up, get ready, then head out together - it was just an average morning, and u went over to felix’s house like usual - his mom kindly let u inside and thanked u for always taking time to wake her mess of a son up - “it’s my pleasure,” you answered, heading to his room - sdjaklsdjlaskdjal did I ever mention - felix is THE BIGGEST KID ever - sometimes, it’s hard to spot him on his bed because there are like,,, - A LITERAL MOUNTAIN OF PLUSHIES - and some of them are really big - so u walk over to him and in the whirlpool of stuffed toys, you spot his face - its kinda funny how he’s sprawled out on his bed tho - if u took out the blanket, u’d see his limbs just,, everywhere - so when I say he’s sprawled out, he’s really sprawled out - gosh was this what u were gonna deal with in the married life??? - anyway u went to just smack him in the head w a pillow - like usual - but then for some reason - his face looked extra cute today - maybe it was the plushies - maybe its just because he’s sleeping - you knew rule 1 said: don’t make lee felix’s heart melt or else - but !! the way !! he was !! lying there !! - u could not resist and u kissed every single freckle on his face - “wake up, sleepyhead,” you whispered, running a hand through his hair - when he woke up and realized what was happening - he s c r e a m e d - rip headphone users - yall know how he screamed when changbin kissed him in the survival show, right?? - yeah, THAT, but 10x more wild - he just let out a ghastly scream and fell off the bed,, - wrapped himself in his blanket - “felix!!” you exclaimed, “what’s wrong??” - “STOP!! IT’S TOO EARLY TO BE IN LOVE WITH YOU, [Y/N]!!!!!!”

seungmin

- he’s not the biggest person on skinship - I mean yeah he was cool with it but it wasn’t something he’d search for every second - homeboy’s jus chill - he’s a very diligent boy who believes that rest is v impt so he always makes sure to sleep early so he can wake up early - so usually its him who wakes u up with a gentle pat and a kind “good morning!” - but one time, u find out that he’s out late because minho insists that skz extends practice for a little bit - that little bit turned into a p LONG WHILE - totally not bc they fooled around during practice,,, lmao… what r u talking about - anyway, long story short, seungmin gets home late,, but he doesn’t rlly care bc it’s a weekend after - he finds u already asleep and though he’s disappointed he can’t talk to u now, he settles in to just cuddle u until he falls asleep - when u woke, u were surprised to feel a weight on ur waist - aaaand there it was folks, a seungmin in slumber - aaaaaaahhh u were lowkey shocked bc!!! Seungmin !! was cuddling u!! - rare - u felt very thankful and happy that seungmin had u tight in his arms - for a while, u just laid in bed and thought about how much u loved this boy - soft morning hours = very open - it wasn’t until he shuffled and turned to the other side of the bed when u decided to wake him up so u could have breakfast - u decided to kiss seungmin all over his beautiful face !! - when he woke up, he frowned… - “…ew, [y/n]. you’re so cheesy.” - u scrunched ur nose. “mmm? You don’t like it?” - “no, not really,” he answered, leaning to kiss you on the lips.

jeongin

- ASDFGHJKL OKAY SO LIKE - highschool!au real quick hope u don’t mind - u were dating jeongin for quite some time - and u were v v v v v happy with it !! he treated u very well - whenever u’d go out, he’d always be rlly considerate - lmao the first time u went out,,, he bought a nice jacket that ur friends said u found cute on guys - he TRIED to impress u, and u couldn’t help but laugh bc the tag of the jacket was still on the back, which means he must’ve only bought the jacket in attempts to make u swoon or smth - anyway - u were really in love with his sweet boy - this sweet boy… who u wanted to surprise after his chorale practice - but as the evening crept in closer, u started to worry - where was jeongin?? - he wasn’t in the practice room - u checked everywhere !!! and he wasn’t there!!! - u even shot him a message but he didn’t reply - ur last stop was the library, and lo and behold - homeboy fell asleep on his books - we stan a hardworking student folks - u couldn’t help but giggle - shaking him lightly, u mumbled, “hey jeongin… wake up, it’s late and the library’s about to close.” - all he did was move his head and stir a little bit - his bangs covered his eyes a little, and u decided to brush them off… - … A MISTAKE - suddenly he looked RLLLLLLY MCHECKIN’ CUTE - oh dear oh no - ur cheeks flushed and u didn’t know what to do - asdfghjkl u SORTA RLLY WANTED TO KISS HIM - u don’t know what washed over u, but in a sec, u were peppering kisses on this sleeping boy’s face - his eyes flickered open and as he felt your lips brush against the skin on his face,,, - his cheeks became tinted with strawberry red - his ears??? PINK AS THE DAY - HE COULDN’T EVEN SPEAK PROPERLY - “t-thank you for kissing me!!!!” was all he could say before melting in his seat.

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yoongiiggles · 5 years

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More Than This | Part 1

Type: Series

Pair: Tony Stark x Plus-Size Reader

Summary: You were the secretary of Tony Stark and you have been in love with him after creating a strong friendship that was built on trust and years of working along side him. Although there is an obvious chemistry between you two, he has been loyal to his relationship with the woman he has loved, Pepper Potts, since before he was the hot shot Tony Stark the iron man. But can a devastating breakup and a one night stand change the relationship between you two and end your unrequited love?

Word Count: 2k

A/N: This is my first time attempting in writing fanfic so bear with me 😅, and I apologize beforehand if there are any grammatical or spelling errors that you encounter as you are reading. As always, feedback is always welcome!!! 😝 And I apologize for the delays and how long it takes to write this series, I’ve been trying to balance my work with college so bare with me! Thank you!

Song: Say You Love Me - Jessie Ware

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7 || Part 8 || Part 9 || End

It’s another sleepless night for you as you stare up at the ceiling in contemplative pain. It’s dark in your room and it’s deafly quiet that when a pin needle drops, you’d be able to hear it in your sleep. The combined darkness and silence in your room only encourages your mind to wander back to images and thoughts of the one man that you have fallen in love with, Tony Stark. Yet as fast as those thoughts come, they disappear with a feeling of guilt as the image of Pepper Potts comes to mind. You didn’t mean to fall in love with him, really you didn’t. But as the lingering touches increase more each day and the conversations turn into deep soul conversations, you can’t deny the rapid beating of your heart every time you are near him, which can ultimately put you at risk for a possible heart attack, considering that you are required to be with him at least 23 hours a day as his secretary and the one hour that he has to himself is spent strictly and only with Pepper Potts, which of course, adds more pain to your rapid beating heart. Especially knowing that the less hours you have that you are able to spend with a person, the more intimate the bonding will be, which increases the ache in your heart twice as much, knowing that you, no matter how much longer your hours are with Tony compared to the time he has with Pepper, you will never have the intimate bond that Tony and Pepper share together.

~Flashback~

You were nothing special. Just a regular human being working in a library taking great care of books and guiding curious souls to immerse themselves into a new experience of another world. But today was an interesting day.There were no curious souls searching a new world to adventure into. The library was empty, save for you and a couple of work buddies that you converse with occasionally when gossip around the library spread like wild fire.

But what was really interesting about today was the email that you received from Tony Stark himself, an email regarding a search for a secretary that will keep him in line and organize the mess that he often creates, along with an attachment of an application. It was surreal that THE Tony Stark would send an email like that to a person like you. Thinking nothing of it, you opened up the attached application and answered the questions like any other applications you had to fill for a job. If you only knew how much a small action can lead to such big consequences.

— End of Flashback —

And you were right that day. Tony Stark had never intended to send you an email, let alone an application to be his secretary and still to this day, he will never admit that he mistyped a letter that led to your name instead, that prideful son of gosh darn man, yet you are forever grateful that his simple mistake eventually led to your friendship.

Ever since that fateful day, you had grown to appreciate the man behind the mask of iron man. A compassionate, loving, carefree spirited man and not the Tony Stark, genius billionaire playboy philanthropist guy that society deemed him to be. But don’t get any ideas, the first couple of years of being the secretary of Tony Stark was tough. Your relationship as boss and employee was restrained. The only words he had ever spoke to you were a yes, no, okay, and bye. It was a bit disheartening at first that you began to consider quitting because the environment was too suffocating for you to endure but as soon as you saw his interaction with Pepper Potts, you thought, “i guess he’s not too bad”. Ever since then, you were determined to break the walls he built around himself and become more than a secretary, a friend.

You started with Plan A, little notes of encouragement. In the morning, you’d slip a sticky note on his morning coffee that stated, “Life is like a mirror: It’ll smile at you if you smile at it”. Cheesy but you were desperate to give him hints of wanting him to be more at ease with you and be more expressive towards you. Though as soon as he saw the note, he threw it in the trash bin and told you to not waste any more sticky notes with irrelevant writings.

On to Plan B, little gifts for each one of his birthdays. You started with something simple, a note card describing how grateful you were to be working for him and on to bigger gifts such as a new watch and a pillow comforter for his late nights at his labs. This was your greatest plan yet, thinking that it’ll show that he is worth the gifts that he receives and that an employee can see beyond a boss but a human being thinking of another human being. As great as a plan you thought it was, he would leave every gift you have given him in a corner of his lab, untouched. At this point you were frustrated. The least he could have done was say Thank You. But thinking nothing of it, you came up with another plan.

- Flashback -

“Good Morning Sir, shall I review the plans for today?”

“Yes”….

Looking down at your notepad you read, “First you will be having a meeting with Pepper Potts in the Cafe Laguna at 8:30 am for breakfast. You both will then take a carriage ride to the carnival at 10:30 am and go for a walk to a street food festival for lunch. By the time this is all done you will have a brief meeting with the avengers at 2:00 pm and go straight to your room as Pepper will await for you arrival for a private moment between you two. And finally at 6:00 pm you will have a dinner picnic at Golden Creeks Beach Park and retire for the day in your quarters again with Pepper. Will there be anything else you would like to add sir?”. Looking up from your notepad, you looked at Tony’s widen eyes. You inwardly smirk at his bafflement.

And for the first time working with him through the years, he says something more than a word, “You’re joking right? Potts is too busy for these silly plans.”

Again, you inwardly smirk, “Pepper Potts is not busy today. I have explained the circumstances you are in and she has agreed and cleared her schedule to spend the whole day with you Sir”.

“What circumstances are you going on about?”.

Smiling at him, “I apologize Sir but it’s almost 8:30 and knowing how punctual you like being, especially for Pepper, I suggest you leave right now if you wanna arrive to at the Cafe for breakfast with Pepper in high spirits”.

He stares at you for a moment with something in his eyes that you couldn’t quite decipher what it was but after a few moments he rushes out the room and you start jumping around excited for your success.

- End of Flashback -

Ever since that careful day of planning and revealing it to Tony, the relationship of boss and secretary has blossomed into friendship. Tony would become more expressive in his feelings and thoughts, asked you advice for his relationship with Pepper, and confide in you with his internal struggles. And in return, you have become twice the friend you already were.

Its now a Saturday, evening on the clock, the day Tony would be spending his one hour time with Pepper. But his time with you has been pushed to 24 hours a day with Tony, as Pepper is scheduled to a convention in LA for the next 5 months. Since being with Tony 24 hours and living in his penthouse in the designated, “This is especially the designated room for my special secretary” as Tony would put it or in other words, “You will be living in this room for as long as you are my secretary as your job as my secretary requires your all your time”, as you would put it, you have listened to his complaints about Pepper abruptly leaving for a convention.

“I can’t believe this. Leaving me a note to TELL me that she’s going to be gone for the next 5 months for a stupid convention I have no idea about?!? Couldn’t she just have told me in my face? Does our relationship mean that little to her?”

You sigh for the hundredth time, “Tony, Im sure she had good reason as to not tell you in person. Maybe this convention really is a big deal and this meeting really did come up out of nowhere? Besides, why not just call her?”. Again, no response from him. You internally curse as you know why he won’t just simply call her. Pride. Thinking carefully and looking over his schedule you say,

“Hey, uhm do you want to go this new ice cream shop that just opened couple blocks away? I hear they make the best ice cream smoothie shake these days”

“Ice cream smoothie shake? What does that even mean?”.

Sighing again, you sit next to him on his couch, “Who cares about what it means! It’s the latest trend right now. Besides, you have nothing on your schedule at the moment. So what do you say?”. After a few minutes of contemplation from him, you finally leave his office to head down the ice cream shop.

“Damn that was the best thing i’ve ever tasted in my life!”, you say as you walk side by side with Tony. Although the ice cream shop was packed and hours of waiting in line has made your feet sore, the ice cream smoothie shake was worth the wait.

Chuckling at you, “Seriously? That was mediocre at its best. Trust me, I know an ice cream shop that can do better than that”. Rolling your eyes and chuckling, you say nothing as the sun starts to set. Compared to the amount of people in the ice cream shop, theres barely any people walking down the sidewalk and cars on the street. The walk with Tony is quiet as neither of you speak, too tired from waiting in line. So it comes to a surprise to you as tony halts your walking and bends down in front of you, his back facing you, “Hop on. I bet those heels are killing your feet right now”. Blushing furiously, you decline but on his insistence, you finally climb on his back, wrapping your legs around his hips.

Mumbling softly you say, “I can still walk. Besides, I might break your back you know”.

Tony halts a little at your comment. But choosing to ignore your comment of indiscretion directed towards you he says, “You mean limping? Please. You’re better off with me carrying you. Besides, I wasn’t raised to allow a gorgeous woman suffer”. You suck in a breath and hold it in, did he just call you gorgeous? and is he actually flirting with you? No way right? Besides, he has a girlfriend, you remind yourself. One he is completely and utterly devoted to.

“You okay?”

Coming out of your thoughts, you finally registered that he has said something to you. “huh?”.

“Are you okay? Feet doesn’t hurt that much does it? You’ve been quiet a long minute”.

Blushing you say, “I should be asking you that. Are you okay? Im not hurting your back am I? I can walk you know Im not that helpless. Besides, Im a big girl, I can take care of myself”. Grunting again at you, “Trust me, you’re perfect and Im fine”. With nothing else to say and with much consideration, you rest your head against his shoulder blades. Little did you know that day that your relationship has changed.

#Plus Size #plus size reader #tony stark x plus size reader #tony stark x reader #tony stark #fluff #angst #tony stark imagine #tony imagine #reader insert #reader imagine #plus-sized reader #plus-size reader #unrequited love

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halcyonrogers · 6 years

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NSFW Alphabet / B.B

(A/N): i dont actually know what im playing at, writing this absolute filth, as i’m on my grandparents wifi and they will KILL me if they find this. anyway, i hope you enjoy this, and this can also be for bucky x male reader as well as bucky x female reader! happy pride month!)

MASTERLIST

A = Aftercare: Because of how rough Bucky could be at times, he’d go to great lengths to take care of you after sex. Whether that be pulling you into his arms to sleep soundly until morning, or running you a hot bubble bath, he sure knew how to treat you right.

B = Body part: His favourite part of you would definitely be your eyes. Whenever you’d suck him off, he’d make a habit of gazing into your eyes. The eye contact would make his hips stutter, his cock twitching in your mouth as you looked up at him through your lashes. His favourite part of himself, however, would be his thighs. Wherever you two were, you always seemed to have a hand on his thigh, or be sat on his lap. Even in public, you’d discreetly thigh-ride him until you were whimpering into his shoulder.

C = Cum: Ohhhh, dear. Since before the war, the use of condoms were risky, but also a necessity for someone his age. Because of this, he never truly knew what it would feel like to cum inside of someone. As soon as he met you, however, things got interesting. You had explained that STD’s could now be treated, and that birth control exists, so he could fully go to town on you. This proved to be the one important thing you’d told him, because now he cums on your chest, back, face, basically anywhere he can and wants to. His favourite place, however, is inside you.

D = Dirty Secret: His ultimate dirty secret is that he actually has a slight blood kink? Now this is not to say that he’ll be chopping you up; but if you ever came home angry and frustrated, punching walls until your knuckles bled, he would have no problem with getting on his knees, licking and sucking the blood off until your hands went numb.

E = Experience: Even with being an assassin for god knows how long, he kept the knowledge of how to pleasure someone and certainly didn’t lose any skills before he met you. The first time you and him had sex, he made you cum 7 times until you couldn’t move off the bed. His fingers work absolute wonders and its a shame he hasn’t suggested a threesome yet, because of how much love he has to give.

F = Favourite Position: His favourite position would definitely be you on your stomach, ass up, whilst he pounds into you relentlessly. He gets off on the way your body spasms underneath him from the ecstasy, and he especially loves to press his fingertips into your hips until there are predominant bruises all over your sides in the shape of his hands.

G = Goofy: Even though he’s rather rough and serious, he can’t help but crack a joke or two just to ease the tension. He might be in the middle of pumping his fingers inside of you, when a random thought pops into his head, and he suddenly declares “I want pasta after this, I’m starving.”

H = Hair: Since discovering his once secret hair pulling kink, you do everything in your power to get him into a sub mood, so you can have him writhing underneath you. Sometimes you’ll go as far as to use his hair to pull his mouth onto your nether regions whilst you ride his face, or you could be giving him a blowjob and run your fingers through the unruly pubic hair above his cock, tugging on it to make him scream. For how he grooms himself, however, he doesn’t really do much. He prefers to be 100% natural, and he certainly doesn’t expect you to shave or groom yourself just for him. He takes you as you are.

I = Intimacy: Bucky loves intimacy. If there’s an anniversary, or he knows you’ve had a hard day, he’ll run you a bubble bath, and then pleasure you until you black out. He definitely has no filter when it comes to his romantic side, as he’s a full enthusiast of appreciating and loving his partner.

J = Jack Off: He doesn’t really believe in relieving himself as he finds you do it so much better for him, plus he always feels guilty after anyway, so he tends not to do it. However, if he’s on a mission and knows he won’t see you for weeks on end, he’ll schedule a skype call at least every 2 days so he can help loosen you up whilst he’s gone, and hopefully get you to do the same for him.

K = Kink: Bucky, more than anything, loves the sound of you begging. Whether it be on your knees for his cock, or to fuck you until you can’t see straight, he loves the filthy words that spill from your lips when you’re desperate for something. Sometimes he’ll get you to scream what you want just for fun, and laugh as aggravated tears run down your cheeks. Oh, edging is also something he definitely enjoys!

L = Location: Bucky will do it anywhere as long as you’re up for it. He loves making you whimper against his palm as he fucks you against a bathroom stall in a crowded club, or making you ride his thigh as you two get transported to one of Tony’s big gigs in a limo.

M = Motivation: When you get dressed up for special events, your make up perfectly done, not a hair out of place, he wants to ruin it. Bucky will try to find any way to mess up your masterpiece and have your mascara running black lakes down your cheeks, your lipstick a dark red smudge around your lips.

N = NO: The one thing he will not agree to is extreme BDSM. He knows how it feels to be tied up against your will and tortured for very different reasons than sex, so he would never willingly do anything to harm another person in that way.

O = Oral: When he goes down on you, he is relentless. He won’t stop until you’ve cummed at least 3 times - even then he’ll edge you between orgasms to get you a sobbing mess underneath his vice grip on your hips.

P = Pace: Most of the time he does it fast and rough, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s over quickly. He makes sure you’ve been edged that many times you’re just a bundle of sensitive nerves before he gets you to cum around his thick cock.

Q = Quickie: He only ever does quickies if he’s frustrated or he needs to teach you a lesson. Quickies could also happen if he knows you and him are meant to be somewhere in a specific amount of times, and he’ll try get you to cum more than once, say in the space of 5 minutes.

R = Risk: Bucky loves the risks you two take during sex. Your neighbours must absolutely hate you and file a lot of noise complaints, and when you stay over at the compound, Steve hates you in the morning. Like, actually despises you. Bucky’s headboard must have banged that many times on Steve’s wall that he’d believe the wall would come through. The anger would only go away when he sees the utter joy on Bucky’s face as he strolls into the kitchen for an early morning coffee. Bucky would have a smirk on his lips when he hears the gasps fall from everyone’s mouths, reacting to the new scratches littered on his back.

S = Stamina: Are we forgetting that he’s a super-soldier?

T = Toy: Bucky doesn’t own toys for himself, but he enjoys buying them for you. He has a special penchant for vibrating underwear, and he won’t tell you they vibrate until you’re in the middle of a conversation with someone important at a party, and he’ll suddenly switch it on, making you stumble on your words, your flute of champagne shattering on the floor.

U = Unfair: Bucky is a stubborn tease. He’ll have you on the edge, over and over again, waiting for your orgasm - but if you ever so much as took your time sucking his cock, or flirted with Steve or anyone else, he’d have you bent over his lap in no time, your ass red raw.

V = Volume: Bucky is so loud, it’s almost a crime. The noises he makes can vary from little whimpers that break your heart, to thundering groans that leave you a shuddering mess.

W = Wild Card: There’ll be times when you’ll be talking to Steve or Natasha, and he’ll come up behind you, pressing his rock hard erection in your back. You’d stutter as his arms wrapped around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. He’d rudely announce that he needed you for something, and roughly drag you to the bedroom just because he can. He’d enjoy the looks of shock on Steve’s face once you re-emerged from Bucky’s room in only his top, lovebites decorating your neck and upper thighs that were painfully obvious.

X = X-Ray: Of course, we all know what the super-serum did to him and Steve. When I say it enhanced everything, I mean EVERYTHING. He’s big, obviously, but to give a measurement I’d say around 8 inches.

Y = Yearning: Bucky would be nothing without you, or the sex.

Z = ZZZ: Bucky’s a very light sleeper, plus sex with you doesn’t really wear him out, so he’ll probably go for a quick shower before climbing into the bed to find you fast asleep. He’ll spend hours memorising every small feature of your body, hoping to god you won’t leave him just so he can have small, precious moments like these every day.

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ang3lfuck · 5 years

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Small rant

I got my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday which a lot of you have probably been through and like it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but the healing process is the worst

The first thing I remember when I woke up is that I was shivering like freezing cold and the lady woke me up literally just saying "you need to stop smoking because we had to give you an oxygen tube to keep up your breathing" which yanno its FINE she was being real but being half in a daze ofc it freaked me out so I started bawling and like I was completely frozen in the mouth trying to ask to see my boyfriend who I couldn't see yet because I had a fucking IV still in my arm lol

So like 10 minutes later I was finally ready to leave and I didn't literally get to talk to the surgeon or anyone after which is fine but they basically just threw all the stuff I needed at my boyfriend and we left and they told me I would get a follow up call the next day but what do you fucking know I never fucking heard from them at all. Kool

I'm not that swollen but the worst parts about this IMO is not eating solid food and honestly not smoking is killing me

I'm all for taking the time I need for my mouth to heal before doing anything else dumb to prevent infection but the withdrawls I'm having from not smoking cannabis especially is shitty because it already decreases my appetite and makes me a sweaty mess 24/7 but yanno, I'm troopin along. I've also been using nicoderm patches for cig cravings which do help but it isn't the same to me.

The fact that I woke up to that lady telling me to stop smoking tobacco spooked me enough to really want to try to quit but at the same time I feel like im not ready to. I just have to take it as time goes. I've been an emotional mess recently also because my Starbucks closed down and I got shipped to work at one of the busiest malls in the city and I'm just not happy. Its a lot for me to deal with right now and I'm just not too sure where to move on from here. The last store I worked at was the happiest I've been in a work place and it just came and crashed down on me so w/e typical

I should also mention I'm writing this moments after i popped a t3 because my neck and jaw are really the only things hurting me so I'm half loopy half irritated with the world because its not the high I want lol

Long story short don't start smoking kids

Also i saw captain marvel tonight and it was aiight but I also lost one of my earrings in the theatre and I'm staying at my boyfriends because he's looking after me so I have no extra earrings on me so I just shoved one of my extra nose rings in my half caved in already piercing and I kinda want to die about it

Its 2:30 in the morning also rn and I'm fucking awake because my boyfriend basically ruined my sleeping schedule because he's either playing his video games too loud or when he actually tries to sleep he snores so I slept on the couch last night and i wont be surprised if I have to again tonight

Forgive this nonsense post I'm just aggravated with a lot right now and I wanted to type out all my feelings idk

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crazykendal · 7 years

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Bored, Single, and Dead

1. What was on your mind mostly today? MOVING ON from some people and why my right arm feels fucking wierd

2. If someone looked on your bed, what would they find? oh shit idkk

3. What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? im going to Tahoe

4. Are you nice to everyone? no

5. Is it possible to be single and happy? for me, no

6. Is it easy for people to make you cry? no but once someone made me cry when I heard them SING for the first time YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

7. Did you sleep alone last night? I had a sleepover with my sister

8. Do you play with dead bugs? ew no wtf

9. Honestly, are you dating two people? im not even dating one person wth

10. Do you think things will change in the next 3 months? yeah, im going to be dead ass lonely or dead

11. Have you ever slept in the same bed with someone other than family? nooo

12. Do you want to see somebody right now? yeaahhhh

13. What if you had a baby with the person you like? that's not physically possibly

14. Are you happy? not right now nope

15. Have you ever tripped in public? trippin is my game

16. Is there anyone who doesn’t like you? I sometimes think everone secretly hates me

17. Have you ever sat in the back of a police car? nope

18. Are you stubborn? veRY

19. Do you tend to hold a grudge? yeah, and it can get baddd

20. What’s a fact about the last person that texted you? oh, well.. they're a scammer

21. Has anyone called you perfect before? nope

22. Where is the biggest scar on your body? my left ankle. I shaved a huge chunk of my skin off and it was baddddd haha

23. Have you ever been told you were amazing? no

24. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs?

immediate no

25. Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment? well guess what YES and its killlling me

26. Do you trust all your friends? no I cant trust any of them 27. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? haha well yeah

28. What pissed you off today? my sister scratches up my arms and it looks like ive tried to cut myself or something

29. What was the last thing you cried about? this one person

30. Who was the last girl you talked to? ^^ same person as ^^

31. Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? no

32. Who sits next to you in English? SCHOOLS OUT BITCHES

33. Ever talked to someone who was drunk? no

34. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? yes everything is about them and its driving me crazy

35. How late did you stay up last night and why? I stayed up til 12:30 reenacting Stranger Things scenes with gummy bears with my sister.

36. Do you know how to properly use grammar in a sentence? kinda? 37. Are your parents very protective of you? yeah

38. Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months? I fukin wish

39. How many drugs are in your system? can a Capri Sun count

40. The person who hurt you the most calls and needs you, do you go? bitch no

41. Is it easy to pretend everything’s okay for you? yeah, I do it every day

42. Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to on the phone? uh that was my dad, so sure

43. Do you think you are a good person? oh god no, if hell existed i’d be going there

44. What do you want right this second? I WANT A FUCKING RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE

45. Do you think it makes him weak if a guy cries? no

46. Have you ever cried cause you were so mad? yeah

47. Could you last in a relationship for over a year? yes

48. Who were you with on your birthday? i don't really remember or care 49. Have you ever crawled through a window? I feel like I have but don't remember

50. First person to talk to you in 2014? how the fuck am I supposed to remember that, it was 3 years ago

51. Do you miss your past? Not really but I dont regret meeting some sweet ass people

52. It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it? a telemarketer, I have like no friends so no one ever checks up on me, by the time someone does I might be dead.

53. Do you have anything interesting planned for the next week? VIDCON I get to meet Sara Rubin, Ashly Perez, Allison Raskin, Gaby Dunn, Stephanie Frosch, and Bria and Crissy and maybe Simply Nailogical haha

54. Who was the last person to text you?

scammmmmmmmer

55. What were you doing 4 hours ago? i dont remember

56. Is there a certain song that you can’t stop listening to atm? Secrets by The Weeknd

57. Tell me 3 things that your friends don’t know about you. well well well I cant say

58. What is something that people often give to you as a gift? honestly nothing

59. Do you tend to hold on to a lot of stuff you don’t need, just because it has sentimental value? yeah then a month later I can get rid of it

60. What is something that reminds you of your ex?

well guess what i havent even dated at all so nop

61. Has the last person you kissed ever cried in your arms? my cat Bub has not cried in my arms

62. Which would you prefer to receive as a gift - flowers or chocolate? chocolate

63. When did you last take a shower/bath? Do you wash your hair every time? I took a shower like 2 hours ago, yeah I was my hair every time.

64. Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? yep

65. Do any of your followers on Tumblr have your phone number? yeahh

66. Will you be going out tonight, or staying in? staying in listening to Alone by halsey because it’s relatable.

67. How many times have you been in love? ONCE and maybe I still am but I need to fix it BECAUSE SOMEONE ISNT GOING TO MY HIGH SCHOOL NEXT YEAR and im going to be so fcked and messed up so pray for me

68. If you were heartbroken, who would help you pick up the pieces? ususally myself of this one friend I have she’s cool and she bacically proved I was bi. No it’s not you olivia sorry dude

69. Apparently, it’s very common to crave chocolate around the ‘time of the month’; do you ever get that craving? no

70. How would you feel about dating someone who had a reputation for being a player in the past? Do you think that players will ALWAYS be players, or is it possible that they can change? I’d give them a chance but idk Ive nvr fcking dated at all so whaat

71. Did you sleep well last night? sure

72. Is your bedroom big enough for you? sure

72. Are you looking forward to seeing someone soon? imexited to see Sara Rubin on Friday because she actually screwed up my love life and I dont even want to get started with that because it’s actually funny but will make me cry.

73. Ever had a one-night stand? nope

74. Is anyone flirting with you? I wish

75. Have you ever felt pressure to do anything you didn’t want to, like smoking, drinking, or losing your virginity, before you were ready for it? If so, how did you deal with that? all the time, like when the teacher tells us to do homework like wth hahahahahahaahaha idk

76. Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person? Why/why not? no im really stupid and can have absolutely no common sense its actually really funny

77. Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with? Ashley Nicolette Frangipane

78. Is there anyone you’d HATE to be stuck in a lift with? oh my god yeah like the chick who plays Enid in the walking dead, and like my whole school.

79. When did you last talk to the person you love/like? What did you talk about? pff what lemme look... a hour and a half ago ahahahahahah

80. Have you ever seen your father cry? no

81. How would your parents react if you got pregnant? well i dont know because I dont really want kids

82. Do you/did you keep to your school’s uniform/dress code? sure

83. If the last person you kissed said you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them? Bub is a mean cat to my other cats and I wouldnt believe it

84. What was the highlight of your summer? cant rememeber

85. The last time you threw up, was it because you were hungover? idk

86. Have you ever seen the film ‘Wake Wood’? What did you think of it? never heard of it

87. Are you confused about anything atm? Is there anything bothering you? Or, is everything good? some people and their lies

88. If you say ‘I’ve had enough’ or ‘I’m done’, do you always mean it? no haha

89. Who was the last person that invited you to their house? honeslty scammer because I have no other friends

90. Have your parents ever told you about any alternative names they considered for you, or the name they would have chosen, if you’d turned out to be a boy? ASHLEY

91. Are you friends with any of your exes? n/a

92. Have you ever had to make an emergency phone call?

93. If you’re in a relationship, how is it going? If you’re single, are you looking for someone? *cries*

94. What language do you like the sound of? english ;)

95. Think about the last guy, outside of family, that you had a conversation with. Do you find him sexy? ew no wtf

96. What do you think is an assumption that someone could make about you, just by looking at your Tumblr? Would this assumption be correct? idk

97. What’s the most attractive physical feature of the person you love/like? HA I’d rather not write an essay right now

98. Do you consider yourself to be a strong person? Why/why not? .kindaaa?

99. Tell me about a special moment you’ve had with the person you love/like. just convos

100. What are you doing tomorrow? Im going to tahoe

#alone

3 notes · View notes

weneverfreeze · 7 years

Note

Sydney. My dear. I will love you forever if you write samnat for one of those au prompts you just reblogged (im feeling 1, 6, or 7 for them, but really any prompt is fine 😄😄)

Okay sorry this is late Mercedes! This didn’t get a reread, just so you know, and I started writing the ending at around 1 AM and it’s 4:30 (lolol it’s 4:47 now) in the morning right now, so yeah:

1. I’m sleeping over at my friend’s flat from university after study group and just got woken up in the middle of the night by their roommate, who is sitting in the kitchen, listening very loudly to the dirty dancing soundtrack and crying. Like wtf, I didn’t even know they had a roommate and normally I would yell at you but damn you are cute. You really need to stop tho dude, its 4am, some people in this house want to sleep AU

6. We work out at the same gym and you are my declared rival because we have the same workout routine and you are always better than me and on my way to the locker room I passed you in the shower where you were singing the opening of hannah montana and I can still hear you and you switched to the lion king now and even though I hate you I think I am kind of in love with you AU

7. I’m hiding in the bathroom of a restaurant from a spectacularly awful tinder date and you are in a similar situation because a guy at the bar just won’t stop hitting on you and now we are planning an epic escape together even though we only met ten minutes ago AU

WC: 5747

There are two gyms on campus. Two gyms for nearly 40,000 people, so it stands to reason that you’d run into people very rarely. Two gyms, 40,000 people, seven days in a week, fourteen hours give or take each day when they’re open, four floors of exercise equipment and courts and weights and two pools per gym. This isn’t even factoring in her work schedule or classes, but somehow Natasha’s managed to run into this asshole every single time she goes to the gym. Out of both gyms and all the rooms and all the possible exercise routines. Every single time.

The first time she thought maybe it was just coincidence. It happens now and then of course, that someone comes in and has a similar routine to the one she’s perfected over the last six years. Last time it was Clint though, and that was first semester sophomore year, and that was only because Nat asked him. He’d complained the entire time about how hockey’s enough exercise for the both of them, and Nat I’m going to mess up my legs or my arms or my nose, okay, you remember how I got a concussion swimming. Clint came with maybe four times before deciding to do yoga by himself.

Since then Natasha had been alone in her workout routine. Thirty minutes on the bike, thirty doing weights, and thirty on the thigh machine downstairs on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Saturday’s for lazy laps in the pool when she isn’t making burritos at Chipotle. Her routine is simple and easy. In and out within 90 minutes.

But this asshole. Showing up all cocky and self-important. He’s been mirroring her pretty consistently the last month or so. At first it wasn’t that noticeable—he’s cute, maybe, in that sweaty sort of athletic way that she won’t pretend not to like, but she’s dated girls and guys like that before, so—just another body on the bikes a little down the row, or another person curling dumbbells, or another guy waiting for a weight machine.

Then it started being a thing. Nat had glanced over week 1.5 of this whatever-it-is at the same time he had, and they shared a nod and went back to biking. He seemed like an asshole even then. It was something, she figured, to do with how he wore cologne even when working out.

Then, week 2, it had been a very full Wednesday, and the only bikes were right next to each other. He was definitely looking at the display on her machine and she’d never tell Clint or Maria that that was the reason she was walking a little stiffly for three days afterward, because she definitely hadn’t been going a little faster than she should have been and checking his display as well.

Weeks 3 and 4 had been more of the same, except at week 3.5 she’d realized what exactly is so asshole-y about him: he doesn’t sweat, and he bikes further and can lift more than she can. (She’s better overall on the thigh machine, thank you, hockey.) Natasha would be over here straining to go up one last hill while he’d be pedalling easy as anything, scrolling through some article on his phone.

Natasha had been hoping when she walked in today that he wouldn’t be here, but no such luck, and he’d taken the machine she favors. She glances to her left; he catches her look, and raises his water bottle in an obnoxious salute. Inwardly she flips him off.

Only five minutes in. She readjusts her headphones. Five minutes in. She can do this.

The men’s and women’s locker rooms share a wall. Through numerous, painful post-workout showers, Natasha’s determined that unfortunately the wall must be dividing the shower sections of both locker rooms; someone’s been having a field day singing show tunes and pop music and rapping while she’s in the shower.

The variety, she thinks as hangs up her towel, is pretty impressive. Today the singer’s belting out Best of Both Worlds from Hannah Montana.

It’s not unpleasant today, which is surprising. The singer’s voice goes oddly well with the theme song.

The singer switches to Circle of Life. She joins in and they sing together until the water goes cold.

(It goes cold after six minutes.)

New Text Message

Clintyyy: Takeout?

Me: You’re buying

Clintyyy: Hey now, no

Clintyyy: It’s your turn

Me: Don’t make me bring up Budapest again

Me: You owe me

Clintyyy: ….fine

Me: Good

Clintyyy: Preference?

Me: Anything but tacos

Me: Chipotle has me sick of tacos

Me: You’ve never known true taco hatred until even just the smell makes you want to throw ingredients everywhere

Clintyyy: Please tell me you did not do that

Me: (read at 7:39)

Clintyyy: Tasha?

Me: (read at 7:43)

Clintyyy: We gotta pay rent still you’ve got a job right

Me: Of course I do

Clintyyy: Don’t do that to me

Clint’s got fried rice, lo mein, and crab rangoon waiting on TV trays in the living room when she shoulders through the doorway. Or, limps through; she’d done too much on the thigh machine again today, which she’s pretty sure Asshole Guy had noticed. Light from NCIS flickers over his face as he raises an eyebrow. A noodle is hanging out of his mouth.

“Don’t tell Steve,” she says. She plunks down next to him on the couch, pokes his thigh until he gives her more room.

He says, “That’d be embarrassing for you,” and she glares until he raises his hands in surrender. “I won’t, fine; just don’t kill me, okay?”

“Who am I gonna get to rent with me next year if I didn’t have you?” She opens the fried rice and quirks a smile and he bumps his shoulder against hers.

They’ve rented together for two years now after Natasha’s freshman year roommate gave her a photo album of her sleeping at the end of the first semester. She’d spent the majority of spring semester staying over at Clint’s room, which worked out nicely because Clint’s roommate Steve’s just about the nicest most stubborn guy she’s ever met, and he’d only asked them once if they were dating (they weren’t). Most other people have a look that says I don’t believe you when they say they’ve been friends as long as they’ve known each other, but Steve had just nodded and gone back to sketching his calculator.

“We should live with Steve next year,” she says, thinking; it’s October now, if they get a move on they should be able to get a nice place. She steals a bite of noodle from Clint’s container.

Clint pulls a face, but he holds the container closer to her. Nat offers the fried rice in return. “Nah, I’m good.”

She smiles. “To the rice or to Steve?”

He pretends to think about it, stroking an imaginary beard, and she leans into his side and waits. Onscreen Gibbs slaps Tony upside the head again.

“Both,” Clint says. She makes a face. “Kidding. Steve’s rooming with someone next year, they’ve really hit it off, so.” He tilts his head to the side like he’s deliberating and adds, “Or not kidding really, because that kid wheezes so much when he tries to sleep. Snores like you wouldn’t believe.”

“I was there, remember?” she says with a smile, checking the crab rangoon. “Do you want the last one or shall I?”

Clint waves it toward her and says, “What song today?”

She’s been keeping him updated on the gym since he refuses to go. He knows all about The Asshole and The Song Guy. He’s convinced that there’s a love story in the making between the three of them, but since she threatened him (half-jokingly) with a spatula, he’s been keeping that to himself.

“Circle of Life.”

Clint nods and shrugs appreciatively. “Good choice.”

She says, yawning, “Better than the week of Thrift Shop.”

“You love Thrift Shop.”

He starts playing with her hair and it’s so soothing she almost drifts off.

“I do,” she murmurs, yawning again—it feels really very nice—and curling closer. Clint unfolds the blanket along the top of the couch and pulls it over them. “That’s why it was so bad. He didn’t know all the words.”

Clint says something like “Neither do you” but she’s just about asleep now and doesn’t really hear him. Or at least, that’s what she’ll say if he mentions it in the morning.

New Text Message

1-347-867-5309: Hey Nat! Do you wanna study together Saturday?

Me: Who is this

1-347-867-5309: Steve

Me: Ohh right right

1-347-867-5309: You didn’t know it was me did you

Me: Of course I did

Me: I know everything

Steve: Sure

Steve: You’d think that

Steve: Since, y’know, we’re friends and all

Steve: You’d save my phone number

Me: Don’t be offended

Me: I’ve been friends with Clint for fifteen years and I only saved his number since coming to college

Steve: I guess that helps

Steve: Maybe

Steve: Not really. Anyway: study with me?

Me: Worried for the test?

Steve: A little

Me: Me too

Me: Where/what time?

Steve: My apartment? I’m off work at three, so four?

Me: Sounds good

Steve: See ya then

Asshole Guy isn’t there today. Today she’s got her machine again and the world is at peace once more.

To be fair, it’s Tuesday. She never knew for sure, but she strongly suspects Asshole Guy only works out Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, like her. But this week Fury has her working the night shift on the line, so Friday’s workout’s cancelled.

She probably shouldn’t be in today. Her inner thigh is still sore. Steve would kill her if he knew she was straining it—he’s a history and art double major, but, since his dad’s a trainer, he knows a fair amount of things. Including the fact that pushing a hurt muscle is a terrible idea.

Natasha knows that too, though, and it’s starting to hurt more than it had, so she sighs and lets the weights down gently.

“You alright?”

She whips around, ready with a snappy retort for another dude bro trying to tell her how to do her workout. It dies in her throat. Two gyms, 40,000 people, seven days in a week, fourteen hours, an entirely different day, no less, and yet.

It doesn’t help that The Asshole has nice eyes this close. He clears his throat, and that’s when she realizes he’s wearing the khaki pants, blue shirt, and red backpack of a student trainer. He says, “It’s Tuesday. You don’t usually—I mean, this isn’t your max weight, and you usually lift longer than this.”

He’s been watching. Nat raises an eyebrow. “Observant.”

“Part of the job,” he says. His cologne is sharply out of place with all the sweat in the air.

“You work here.” She regrets it the moment she says it; his eyebrows shoot straight up, then settle again. Of course he works here. No one wears khakis to a gym.

Instead of answering he plucks at the hem of his shirt and moves on. “Are you okay? I have to ask when someone lets the weights down like that.”

“Didn’t realize they were that loud,” she says, to have something to say. “I’m fine. Little sore from yesterday.”

The Asshole sets his backpack down and kneels to sort through it, all the while asking about her hydration and whether or not she’s eaten and you know, you’ve gotta rest between these kinds of things, you can’t do the same exercises back to back and expect to be totally fine.

This rubs her wrong. “My work schedule’s different this week,” she snaps. “I’m not an idiot.”

“Sorry,” he says mildly. He hops back to his feet holding a blue crinkly something. Natasha glares up at him and he holds his hands up before saying, “I know you’re not an idiot, just needed to say that. Job description and all that.”

She’s got her arms folded, so when he tosses the crinkly something at her she’s completely unprepared. It bounces off her elbow before she catches it, somehow, on the rebound. It’s a Nutrigrain bar. She stares at him.

The Asshole rubs the back of his neck and says, “It’s blueberry, not too bad if you—I dunno, if you eat that sort of thing.”

“Thanks…?”

“Sam,” he says, starting to walk away.

She says “Natasha” and Sam smiles and walks out of the weight room.

There is a profound silence from the men’s locker room. Today the water stays warm for exactly eight minutes before threatening to crystalize on her skin.

When she’s dry, she squeezes her hair with the towel and dresses. The Nutrigrain wrapper’s in her pocket when Nat pulls on her jeans. She’s not sure, really, why she’s still holding onto it.

New Text Message

Steve: Hey were you working out today? At the Heli?

Me: Yeah, why?

Steve: No reason

Steve: (Steve sent an emoji)

Me: The halo’s not reassuring Rogers

Steve:

Early Wednesday morning she wakes up in Clint’s arms while Tangled plays for the third or fiftieth time. Squinting, she looks up to see that Clint’s awake and bedheaded as ever; she’s still not sure if he styles his hair like that intentionally or if, thanks to the innumerable naps he takes, that’s just the way his hair grows.

She pulls the blanket over her more and Clint starts. “Sorry,” he whispers, grabbing for the remote. He mutes the TV (Rapunzel and Flynn are just about to be trapped in the mine) and Nat closes her eyes again.

“S’okay,” she says sleepily. “How long’ve you been awake?”

“Somewhere around Flynn finding the tower.” He stretches carefully, rests his arm around her again. “You were saying something about Sam? In your sleep.”

“Mmm. No.”

“I think so. Fell asleep with my hearing aids in, so.”

“Your hair’s stupid” is all she says. He lightly pulls on one of her curls, and they drift off again.

Steve has to poke her six times to stay awake in lecture around noon. She’s lucky to have him there; Clint would’ve let her sleep and drawn mustaches on her with Sharpie. It’s especially important to be awake today because they’re reviewing for the exam, and she’s got a 93% right now and this test could solidify or jeopardize that A.

That doesn’t mean she’s not leaning on Steve right now. She’s lucky she’s on her left because she’s right handed, and even though he is as well he’s not the type to complain when he’s helping someone. Plus his right arm is ever-so-slightly more muscular than his left, so it’s somewhat more comfortable to lean against.

He’s really bulked up in the last two years; freshman year Nat used to be able to fit his wrist between her forefinger and thumb. Not so much now. He has a Russian pen pal according to Clint—kept in touch since they were five apparently—and they’ve been FaceTiming and working out together. She and Clint aren’t really sure what exercises they’ve been doing—or how you can work out with someone over FaceTime—but it’s working for Steve at least; they’ve doubled their efforts to get him on their hockey team.

Steve pokes her again as Professor Stark rambles on about medical experimentation during World War II.

“I’m awake,” she says. Their redheaded neighbor, Pepper, hushes them, and Nat sticks her tongue out at her. Quieter: “I’m awake.”

“I know,” Steve says, “you snore.”

“Hey!”

“Shh!”

Steve holds up a hand to stop either of them from saying anything. He whispers, “Did you meet Sam? At the Heli?”

Natasha stares at him. “How’d you know that?” Their prof changes the slide and she hurriedly copies down the information.

“He told me,” Steve says. “Ran into a redhead on the weights, said it wasn’t abnormal but for the fact that you don’t work out Tuesdays.”

“I don’t, it’s be—”

“Because of work, yeah.”

Nat worries her bottom lip. “You know him.”

“From high school,” Steve says. He nudges her and winks when she glances up. “He’s a good guy.”

She elbows him back, but she’s blushing a little. “You can’t be too sure. He wears cologne to the gym.”

Steve throws his head back and laughs so loudly that Stark stumbles over his lecture and stares, aghast.

“Excuse me, in the back; do you find this subject funny?”

Steve’s really doing an admirable job of biting back his laugh, she can almost see it straining to chime out. He hangs his head in the model of a subdued and solemn student. “Of course not, Professor.”

Stark narrows his eyes and resumes his lecture, casting dark looks at them from time to time. Steve whispers, “Cologne? Really?” and Natasha barely stops herself from laughing too.

Clint leans in her doorway while she ties her sneakers. “C’mon, Tasha.”

“I go to the gym on Wednesdays,” she says, sighing a little when she stands; her inner thigh muscles still hurt from yesterday.

What Natasha means is, Sam goes to the gym on Wednesday. She’s been thinking about him almost all day. She got on the wrong bus this morning because she was trying to remember the shade of his eyes. She’s even—it hurts to admit this, even to herself—she’s even bought him a blueberry Nutrigrain bar.

Clint knows her well enough and is, in general, smart enough to hear what she isn’t saying. “I get that, believe me I do, but. You’ve gotta rest up. You can go back to kicking butt and showing off next week if you want, or Saturday, but you’ve gotta rest.”

If she had enough momentum, she’d be ducking under his arm and in the hallway and on her way. Clint catches her stare and shifts into a more solid stance, the one that makes him look intimidating in his hockey gear but right now makes him look bedheaded and earnest and like her best friend.

Nat says, “I don’t really wanna go, but I do,” and Clint smiles with half of his mouth.

He looks up and runs a hand along the doorframe like it’s the most fascinating thing, still smiling like it’s just for her. “Wanna get out?”

“Where?”

“Dunno,” he says, and shrugs.

Their university does movies for free at the Union, so that’s where they go. Every Wednesday through Saturday at 9 PM whoever’s in charge of the videos cycles through blockbusters that came out earlier in the year, usually on a few month’s delay. It’s always very energetic; the room seats 150 people, give or take, and that many college kids in a room tend to laugh and talk to the screen now and then in very audible whispers.

It’s Moana tonight. Natasha buys the popcorn and Clint does the butter and salt in an easy routine that they’ve established over the last decade and a half, one born from Natasha having a job and but sense of what to do with butter and Clint not having a job but the amazing ability, somehow, to properly flavor even the vaguely cardboard-y popcorn served outside the theatre.

She’s checking his work—flawless, as always; he can’t seem to miss the mark—when he says, “Oh, hey Steve.”

Clint takes the popcorn back, which is good because she almost drops it. Steve smirks at her but she barely sees him; Sam’s leather jacket is filling up her field of view.

“Hey Clint, Nat,” Steve says. “Nat, I think you know Sam?” Nat glares at him and he shrugs in an I’m sorry kind of way, which would’ve been fine if his eyes weren’t plainly amused.

Sam says, “We’ve met. How’re your thighs?”

Clint makes a noise that sounds like he’s got popcorn stuck in his throat at that. “Her thighs?” Steve doubles over, laughing a little breathlessly.

“Fine,” Nat says, ignoring Clint and Steve, but it’s okay because she and Sam have both gone red now. “Just. Taking a day off. Rest day.”

“Good, good,” Sam says. He’s wearing what Natasha thinks is his my best friend is an idiot expression; she recognizes it because she makes the same face about Clint.

She looks at them—they’re not paying attention anymore, Clint’s showing Steve something on his phone—and then back at Sam and says, halfway between annoyed and flustered, “Wanna find a seat?”

And he says, “Absolutely,” and they sit next to each other and, in the dark, she imagines that this is, maybe, a date. A daydream ruined when Clint and Steve stumble over them to get to their own seats and spill Steve’s drink all over the floor, flooding over the tops of their shoes and making the floor obnoxiously sticky when they shift their feet.

New Text Message

Steve: yknow tht Sam liks you

Me: Are you drunk?

Steve: cant get drunk rmmber

Steve: scince

Me: That’s not how science works

Me: Are you okay? Do we need to come get you?

Steve: nahhhhh

Steve: mfine. got Sam

(Steve added Clintyyy to the chat.)

Steve: CLINT tell her

Clintyyy: What’s with the caps man?

Steve: phone bein weird

Steve: does that

Me: Are you sure you’re fine?

Steve: i am not Sam he’s in lov

Steve: *live

Steve: *lpbe

Clintyyy: We got you

Steve: you knoe what I mean

Me: He’s drunk

Steve: mnot

Me: Like Budapest all over again

Clintyyy: Ah the memories

Natasha has twelve missed calls from Steve when she wakes up. She checks through them, straining to separate the synth in the background from Steve’s slurred speech, and makes a mental note to make Steve the DD from now on. Boy can’t handle his alcohol very well.

She also has a series of quick texts from a number she doesn’t recognize, and she smiles when she sees them: Got him home safe, don’t worry. Got your number from his phone. Don’t forget to hydrate.

Clint walks with her to the bus stop, very blatantly reading over her shoulder. She lets him. “‘Don’t forget to hydrate’?” he says, one eyebrow raised.

Nat just shrugs and shows her ID to the busdriver. Clint follows behind her. He wants to ask something, she can tell, so she waits and leans the back of her head against the window. He pokes a hole in the knee of her jeans.

The bus slows to a stop by the main lawn five minutes later and they get up, sling backpacks over tired shoulders. Nat’s class is a little bit of a walk from the stop but Clint’s is in one of the old buildings ringing the lawn, so they hug and go on their way.

But he’s running after her a beat later, and he asks, winded (he should, she thinks, probably come with her to the gym), “You like him?”

“Maybe,” she tells him.

Clint studies her with the certainty and ease that comes from knowing someone for awhile. “You do,” he says, like he’s found something worth finding.

She says, “Yeah,” and they smile at each other.

New Text Message

Clintyyy: Still up for it?

Steve: Yessss

Me: Why not

Loud, overly flirtatious and forward drunk frat guys. That’s why not.

Thirsty Thursday is always a little over-the-top, but somehow, today, it’s one hundred percent worse; they’ve walked the entirety of College Ave. looking for a bar that wasn’t overflowing but still quality. There are approximately seven different bars within feasible walking distance—that is, within the distance that a still somewhat hungover Steve, an exercise-loath Clint, and a Natasha in relatively high heels would be willing to walk to. Seven bars for 40,000 students, maybe only half of whom can (legally) drink, maybe only half of that half who don’t have classes Fridays and would be out around this time. And, apparently, all of those students are tipsy frat guys.

They don’t say anything to her, per se, never do, but they’d said things to each other about her when she and Steve and Clint walk by, and once was enough for her to dislike them on principle.

The three of them had planned for eight. Eight was a dumb idea, evidently, because the bars they would have no trouble getting into Monday through Wednesday at eight o’clock are filled with lines a block long.

“Should we just call it?” Clint asks in frustration. They’re at the sixth bar on the list.

Nat shakes her head. “Let’s try the next one. We’re out, we’re cute, we may as well. And I really have to pee.”

“Well said,” Steve says.

The seventh bar is called The Triskelion for reasons Natasha hadn’t cared to ask about. The logo is the same curving lines as her boss’ tattoo, and Fury never struck her as the type of person to welcome questions about it, so she’d shelved her curiosity.

It’s a little, low lit dingy place with graffitied walls and peeling paint. But the bar is clean and so are the tables, and there aren’t as many frat guys here—there’s a few other people at the bar and one or two couples who seem to be on dates, but no Greek letters—, so Nat thinks it’s perfect.

“What can I get you all?” the bartender asks.

Natasha looks and Clint and says, “Surprise me,” and heads off to find the bathroom.

“I got you,” Clint calls. She raises a hand to say she heard.

It’s surprisingly clean, the bathroom. It’s unisex, so there are urinals and stalls, but there isn’t as much pee everywhere as she’d expected for Thirsty Thursday. She’s washing her hands when the door slams open.

“—right back,” someone says, talking to someone outside, and then: “Shit fuck.”

Nat glances to the door and immediately wishes she was back at the bar. “Hey, Sam.”

He smiles weakly, rubbing the back of his neck. “How you doing?”

“Fine. You alright?”

“You, uh. Heard that, then?” Sam says flatly. She nods, waits. He sighs. “It’s my date.”

Now she really wishes she was back at the bar. The sentence bounces around her head a moment before settling uncomfortably on her stomach.

She says, “Sorry,” and pinches off bits of her paper towel.

“Yeah. Don’t know what I was expecting, it’s just,” he says, and now he throws up his hands, “everything’s gone wrong, she told me that I was ‘just the sweetest thing’ and ‘so soft’ and that I remind her of her dead chocolate lab, and she didn’t answer if I asked if it was because I’m black. I mean, I was kidding, but not now, clearly.”

“She sounds interesting,” Nat says carefully. “I’m sorry.”

“‘Interesting’ is a little milder than I’m thinking,” he says. “It’s my fault really, it’s Tinder and I was gonna call it off, but she sounded so sad in the messages.”

“What’re you gonna do?”

Sam looks around the bathroom and says sheepishly, “I was going to pop open the window, actually. But there isn’t one. So.”

“I’m sorry,” Nat says. On an impulse she takes his hand and squeezes it. “You can do this. It only has to be a one-time thing.”

He squeezes her hand back. “I’ll try.”

New Text Message

Me: Abort

Nutrigrain Bar: What happened? Are you okay?

Me: Frat guy at the bar hitting on me

Me: buying me a drink npw

Me: Steve and Clint in bathroom

Nutrigrain Bar: One sec

“Hold on, I gotta tell Clint and Steve, they worry,” Nat says a little breathlessly, leaning against the brick wall of the library. Sam starts to back away but she catches his jacket sleeve as a sort of tether. She sends her text one-handed and pulls him closer, and the second kiss is as nice as the first, and the third is better.

New Text Message

Nutrigrain Bar: I had a very, very nice time last night

Me: Me too

Me: It’d be a shame if

Me: You know

Nutrigrain Bar: If it happened again?

Me: Exactly

Nutrigrain Bar: Well

Nutrigrain Bar: We’ve always got out standing date at the gym

Me: That’s a good start

Nutrigrain Bar: Well hopefully we’ll have a good middle too

New Text Message

Stevie: Told ya

Me: I know

Stevie: For the record

Me: I knowwww

Stevie: ;)

Me: Shut up

“Details,” Clint says, his arm a dead weight around her shoulder; they’re both still feeling last night.

The NCIS opening credits play, but they’ve got the sound off. This is one of Clint’s favorite things to do, sit around and read the lips of the actors on TV shows. Nat’s favorite part is when he gets bored of it and starts making up his own lines.

She tucks her knees close to her chest and leans closer to Clint. He mumbles Gibbs’ line, “Grab your gear,” and she says, “Doesn’t count.”

“Does so.”

“He says it,” and here she yawns, “every episode.”

Clint tugs on her sleeve. “It counts. It’s like the free space in Bingo.”

“Gonna pretend you didn’t say that, Barton.”

“Gonna pretend you aren’t dodging the question, Romanova.”

“You didn’t,” she says, yawning again, “ask me anything.”

“Don’t be a McGoofus, McGee” is what Clint says next. Then: “Fine. Details?”

Remembering it gives her goosebumps. She smiles. “About?”

Clint groans and buries his face in a cushion while she laughs harder than she would normally. His voice is muffled as he says, “The kiss, Tasha, the kissing, the Frenching, snogging, whatever.”

“You mean like, how was it?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“Tongue?”

“Maybe.”

New Text Message

Steviesteviestevie: Okay I’m presentable now

Steviesteviestevie: Are you almost here?

Me: Just got off the bus

Me: Be there in 5

Steve flings the door open wide and drapes himself against it, saying, “Welcome to my humble abode.”

He’s ridiculous. “You’re always so dramatic,” Nat says, laughing in spite of herself. She crosses the threshold and Steve closes the door behind her.

She’s never been in Steve’s apartment before. It’s about what she would’ve expected for a student on a college budget: small living room with a small TV and bookcase, small kitchen, small bathroom with a corner of the mirror missing. A hallway leads off the living room and has three doors, one being the bathroom, one Steve’s room, and then a closet, maybe.

He spread out cool ranch Doritos and Oreos and lemonade on the counter. After handing her a (paper) plate, Steve piles huge handfuls of the Doritos onto his own plate and sits.

The Doritos are now half empty. “You should’ve just taken the bag,” Nat comments. She deliberates for a second and then just takes the Oreo tray to the table.

“There’s time,” Steve says. “We’ve got a lot of studying to do.”

Nat plunks her notes and books onto the table. “That we do.”

Two hours later, Natasha hits the wall.

Thirty minutes after that, Clint texts her about an NHL game, so she commandeers Steve’s TV and watches that. Steve abandons his homework and joins her on the couch and they yell at a few missed calls, and she finally gets him to agree to join her and Clint’s team (thereby allowing her to win a twenty dollar bet).

Around nine, a Mythbusters marathon starts. Natasha and Steve have a competition to see who can stack and eat the most Oreo filling. Steve wins, but only because his mouth his bigger.

At ten Steve’s Russian pen pal FaceTimes him, and, after exchanging hellos in Russian, Steve introduces him to Nat. Steve’s pen pal has long hair and the unlikely name of ‘Bucky’ and is surprised when Natasha takes to him exclusively in Russian.

Sometime after that Natasha’s alone on the couch, and while the Mythbusters team blows stuff up onscreen, she falls asleep.

She hears it and holds a pillow over her head in sheer stubborn refusal to be awake. When she moves, her arm threatens to fall off; sleeping on the couch never really works out for her unless she sleeps on someone.

The lights are off in the apartment. Careful to keep her ears covered, she peeks at the TV and sees that someone turned it off. The singing’s coming from the kitchen, then. If she focuses extremely hard she can just make out the pitch on the voice, and from what she knows from several painful karaoke nights, Steve’s voice isn’t this nice to listen to. Even if it’s waking her up at—she checks the clock on the bookcase—four in the morning. She blearily considers the possibility that Steve’s being robbed.

Whoever’s singing (a musical burglar?) is getting into it. Their words filter through the pillow now: “Just remember, you’re the one thing I can’t get enough of”.

That’s it. She throws the pillow across the room and storms into the kitchen.

“What the hell are you—” That’s when she sees Sam.

He stops midword in surprise. “Nat?” he says, uncertain. “Why’re you here?”

She crosses her arms. “Why’re you here?”

“I asked first,” he says, yawning.

“Studying.”

He says, “Sleeping.”

This more than anything annoys her. “Trying to,” she says pointedly. “Was sleeping.”

It seems to take him a moment to put together what she’s saying. “Oh. Sorry.”

“Your turn.”

“I live here?” He raps his knuckles on the back of a chair.

She’s not awake enough for this. “Here?”

“Steve and I are roommates,” Sam says.

“I thought—” she yawns “—thought he lived alone.”

Sam says, in a tone too bright for this time of morning, “Nope.”

“Why Dirty Dancing in the kitchen? Can’t you practice in, I don’t know, the car? The shower?”

Sam looks at her oddly. “Yeah,” he says. “I do,” and this time it’s Nat who takes a moment to understand what he’s saying.

And then she puts it together. “The gym.”

He nods, smiling slightly. “Thought you knew.”

“No,” she says, rubbing her eyes. It’s too early for this.

“Shame.” He looks very determinedly at the ceiling. “I was trying to woo you.”

She laughs. “Through the shower.”

“Wasn’t sure what else to do,” Sam says, shrugging. But he’s smiling, and she thinks that maybe she’s found something worth finding.

“You’re an idiot,” Nat says.

He says, hopeful, “That mean it worked?”

“Maybe,” she says.

New Text Message

Me: Made it back fine, thanks for asking

Nutrigrain Bar: Good :)

Me: And it worked

Me: How’s Wednesday?

#thanks for the ask Mercedes :) I hope it's okay #samnat #samnat fanfiction #sam x natasha #natasha x sam #otp: on love's light wings #asks #i need to go to bed #long post #I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSPELLED CLINT'S NAME #I AM DISTRAUGHT #clint barton #steve rogers

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angryschnauzer · 7 years

Text

Taking In Strays - Chapter 7 - Steve Rogers Fanfic

A/N: Sorry its taken a while to update, a damn thing called real life keeps getting in the way of fun things like writing! Story Summary: Emily Embers is at rock bottom, doing what she can to care for her son after the death of her husband. A fall on an icy street finds her in the arms of Steve Rogers, who offers her some assistance that she gratefully accepts, but little does Steve know just how deep he will have to get himself into someone else’s world in order to save them. Chapter Summary: With Steve away on a mission Emily is left alone, having to work through what she’d seen Bucky do, not sure who she can tell. When she has to return to Stark Tower for something she finds herself being dragged into something that will change her life for the foreseeable future... Triggers/Warnings: Drug Addiction/Withdrawal

Chapter 1 2 3 4 5 6

Masterlist

Taking In Strays – Chapter 7

Emily stared at the empty spot on the sidewalk that Collins had just left, unable to process what she’d just seen. Was Bucky Hydra still? What had Collins given him? The rain had started to soak up the leg of her pants, her feet starting to freeze where the cold water had seeped into her plain leather flats she wore for work. The sound of the door to the strip club opening brought her back to the present, knowing she needed to get back to Stark Tower and speak to Steve immediately.

Rushing through the busy streets, dodging around slow walkers and getting frustrated as she waited for crosswalk lights to change, she finally made it back to the tower, soaked and out of breath, and just in time to see Steve running across one of the walkways that crossed the large atrium reception area;

“Steve!” Emily called out, her voice echoing around the large space

He stopped and peered over the handrail, briefly watching as Sam and Wanda ran past him;

“There’s a mission, its urgent... here” he fished his car key out of his pocket and motioned to throw them down to Emily, watching as she stood below with her hands cupped in front of her, catching them as he dropped it the 30ft between them; “I can’t talk now... but I’ll keep you updated”

Emily nodded as she watched him give her one final glance before running a full speed into the building and towards the armoury, hoping that whatever he had been called away to do was nothing to do with what she had seen in the alleyway.

By the time she collected Mickey from day care later that afternoon the tower seemed quiet, presuming that most of the agents and operational staff were on whatever mission Steve had been called away for. Cradling her sleepy son in her arms as she rode the elevator down to the parking garage her mind was elsewhere as she fumbled for the Steve’s keys as she balanced a now sleeping Mickey with one arm.

“Here, let me help”

Emily squeaked, she hadn’t heard anyone approaching, turning around in fear only to see Bucky standing next to her with his hand outstretched. For a few moments she just stared at him, scared of what she had seen and what the connotations were, whether everything he had made out that he was, was in fact a lie.

“Ems? You ok? You look like you’re struggling there”

He reached around and plucked the keys from her finger, unlocking the car and opening the back door so that she could get Mickey into his seat. As she fastened the buckles she heard his voice close behind her;

“You want me to drive? It’s quite a storm out there tonight”

Emily turned, quietly closing the door before holding her hand out for the keys, using all of her energy to keep her voice calm;

“No, thank you”

“Ok, cool”

As she climbed into the driver’s seat she watched as he walked around the car, smiling at her as he climbed in next to her. Reversing out of the space, she slowly made her way up the ramp and waited for the ANPR camera’s to read the licence plate and raise the barrier, before finally pulling out onto the busy uptown traffic.

“You know its fine to be nervous”

Bucky’s voice made her jump again as she let out a little gasp;

“Umm... I’m not nervous, why would I be nervous?”

“Because your new boyfriend has been dragged off on a important mission?”

“Oh yes... right... that...” she took a deep breath, realising what Bucky was talking about; “Yes, sorry. I guess it’s just been a bit of a rollercoaster few weeks for me”

“I can imagine”

Bucky let his words hang in the air as Emily slowly moved the car through traffic and onwards to Steve’s apartment, having to park halfway around the block as everyone else had the same idea and had filled the spaces closest to the building’s entrance. Shrugging her coat off she pulled Mickey out of his car seat, covering him with her jacket as Bucky followed close behind, their heads ducked low from the rain.

The ride in the elevator was a quiet one, Emily still cradling Mickey in her arms as he started to come to after his nap, Bucky tapping out messages on his phone until the doors opened and he stepped aside to let Emily out first. When they reached their respective apartment doors Emily carefully let herself into Steve’s, Bucky standing at his door as he watched Emily silently close the door behind her, trying to figure out what was going on in her mind that had her so on edge.

~*~

Emily woke the next morning with a start. She’d slept fitfully, waking numerous times, scared when she felt for a warm body next to hers only to find the covers cool. Eventually she’d carefully lifted Mickey out of his toddler bed and into hers, letting his little warm body rest against hers as she finally fell asleep. When her alarm sounded quietly just a couple of hours later she groaned, annoyed that she’d forgotten to turn it off as Friday was her day off, yet more than anything she wanted to go into work just to get an update on Steve.

Instead she got up and quietly showered, letting Mickey sleep in her bed as she started to nervously tidy the apartment. By mid morning she was pacing the carpet, chewing on a hangnail as Mickey played with his toys when her phone beeped from across the room. Sprinting the few yards to get it she pressed the button, hoping it was Steve with an update, but only seeing an IM from Lillian;

>Hows it going? Any update from Steve?

<Nothing yet. Just kinda pacing the apartment getting anxious.

<I was never like this with Brock. Lol

She typed nervously, her mind returning back to how different Steve was from her ex husband.

>I’ve got this afternoon off if you wanted some company?

<I’d really like that. And I’m sure Mickey would love to see you too

>Send me the address, I’ll be with you after 2pm xxx

Now that she had something to look forward to - and keep her mind busy - Emily found that the rest of the morning flew by, and once she’d given Mickey his lunch and cleared up the aftermath of leftover lasagne she heard a quiet knock at the door. Glancing at the clock and seeing it was 2.15pm she ran to the door, checking the spy hole only to see Lillian’s familiar lip piercing as she made a comedy duck face inches from it.

Throwing the door open and greeting her friend with a hug they soon got talking, Lillian playing on the rug with Mickey as Emily was finally able to take a seat on the couch and enjoy a coffee whilst it was still hot.

“So you and Steve then...” Lillian waggled her eyebrows as she watched Emily blush crimson red; “Finally found a guy that does it for ya?”

“How do you...?”

“News travels fast in the tower...”

Emily set her mug down, the bottom dropping out of her stomach as she let her mind get away from her;

“So people think....?”

“Not people. A select few that were standing behind Sam as he quietly congratulated Steve on actually opening up to someone. And you’ll be pleased to know the only other two people that overheard were Sharon and Nat; both of whom give their blessing by the way”

Emily let out an unsteady breath;

“Wow... and that’s a pair of pretty intimidating ex’s to get approval from too”

“I thought you and Sharon were tight from before?”

“We are... but in the years between then and now we’ve both led different lives and I’m now shacked up with a guy that said the wrong name to her in bed...”

Lillian nodded before helping Mickey unwind a toy that had gotten caught in the fringe of the rug;

“I take it he didn’t do that with you?”

Emily let the smile spread over her face as she was reminded of the night she spent with Steve;

“No, it was Emily each time”

“Each time? Now you gotta give a girl details... how many times were there?!”

The rest of the afternoon was spent with Lillian trying to get salacious details out of Emily, who in turn was very tight lipped out of respect for Steve. When the time came to give Mickey his dinner Lillian made to leave, pulling on her jacket before giving her friend a hug;

“We need to do this more often”

“I know. I’ve missed this”

“I’ll PM you my schedule for the next couple a weeks, I have a date with Johnny tomorrow so am hoping that writes off the rest of the weekend” she said with a wink

“Johnny Storm?”

Lillian stopped, looking at her friend with curiosity;

“How do you...?”

“He knows Steve...”

Emily wasn’t sure how much Lillian knew so left it there, seeing her friend out of the apartment before keeping herself busy fixing dinner for herself and Mickey, tidying the mess that Mickey had made. Pulling the various small things out from under the couch where he’d shoved them her fingers curled around a small piece of card. Dropping the toys into the storage box she stood and peered at the faded typeset;

“Sarah Rogers”

Looking at the birth date she realised it would have been Steve mother she turned the small card over in her hands somehow feeling a pang of loneliness when she realised she missed him so much and they still had so much to learn about each other.

The sound of the microwave beeping to tell her that dinner was ready pulled her from her thoughts, stowing the small card safely on the open shelves high out of Mickey’s reach, weighing it down with her keys to keep it safe.

By the time she crawled into bed that night having let Mickey fall asleep on the couch as she worked on notes for new designs she was asleep within minutes of her head hitting the pillow, Mickey snoring quietly from his little bed in the corner of the room.

~*~

Somewhere in the deep recesses of her mind Emily became aware of a warmth spreading over her back, creeping over her hip and resting on her stomach. Willing her mind to draw itself from the haze of sleep it took her a few moments to come to, and when she realised that she wasn’t alone in her bed anymore she tensed.

“Shhh... its fine... it’s me”

Steve’s soft whisper soothed her panic;

“You’re back”

Shifting under his arm she rolled to face him, hardly able to see in the faint light of the dark night, only the illumination from the small nightlight they’d installed for Mickey showing the tired look on his face. Cupping his cheek softly with her hand she pressed a kiss to his chapped lips before he pulled her close and deepened the kiss. As she found her fingers winding into the soft hair at the back of his head she felt it was still wet;

“Did you shower?”

“Yeah. You wouldn’t have wanted me in here the way I was before...”

Emily wasn’t going to ask, she remembered from the days she was married to Brock that even though he would be run through the decontamination showers at the facility, if it was really bad he’d shower again once he got home, and it was usually because blood took a couple of goes to fully rinse from skin and hair;

“Are you hurt?”

“No... Just tired”

Emily pressed a kiss to his forehead before snuggling into his firm chest, the soft fabric of his bed jersey comforting against her cheek, and she soon found herself dropping off to sleep again thanks to the steady rise and fall of Steve’s chest.

~*~

The next morning Emily woke to find a Steve’s strong hand had crept up the front of her pyjama top and was gently cupping her breast, his breath warm on her neck;

“You awake?” he muttered softly

“I am now...”

She felt his lips curl into a grin as he pressed his body to her hip so she could feel his hardness;

“Next time I do this I’m carrying you into my room...”

Emily’s heart swelled a little when she realised he was mindful of the fact that Mickey was still sleeping in the room they were in. Before she could dwell on that thought any further a little wide eyed face appeared at the side of her bed, grinning at her and Steve before climbing up onto the duvet;

“Morning little man... look who’s back?” Emily smiled as she greeted Mickey, watching as he saw Steve over her shoulder for the first time.

“Dada!”

She felt Steve’s body tense when they both realised what Mickey had said, turning in Steve’s arms so she could see the look of shock on his face;

“Its... it’s something we need to discuss... right?”

Steve nodded, clearing his throat before he looked to Mickey;

“You been good for your Mommy?”

Mickey proceeded to start jumping on the bed, giggling as he watched his mother and Steve shift until they were sitting up, their backs leaning against the bed frame as Steve wrapped his arm around her shoulders;

“So did I miss much?”

Emily realised she needed to tell him about Bucky, clearing her throat as she tried to gather her thoughts;

“There was something... it happened when I went out to lunch to the drug store... OH SHIT”

It suddenly hit her; she hadn’t taken the morning after pill, the whole reason for her trip out two days prior. Steve looked at her, confused;

“What?”

Emily was already climbing out of bed, reaching for her robe as she started to babble;

“First off, I saw something then and I had rushed back to the tower to tell you but you were heading out on your mission, I’ve forgotten to take the damn pill”

“The one to stop the...” Steve motioned his finger to her body

“Yeah”

“Is it too late?”

“No, you can take it up to 72 hours afterwards, but I left it at the office”

“Okay, so take my truck to the tower, traffic will be light this time of the morning. What was the other thing?”

Emily sat on the side of the bed next to him, taking a deep breath;

“Do you remember Jack Collins?”

“Brock’s right hand man?”

“Yeah. I saw him when I was at the drug store”

“What was he doing?”

“He handed someone a package in an alleyway. Some kind of deal”

Steve watched as Emily chewed on her lip, trying to keep his voice calm;

“Emily... please, what else aren’t you saying?”

“The person he sold the stuff to... it was...” she took a deep breath; “It was Bucky”

The next hour was a whirr of activity in the apartment, Steve insisting he was ok to look after Mickey whilst Emily went to the tower, calling Sam as Emily left to ask him to come over, knowing he would be able to see the logical side of things before Steve did something rash like kicking his way into Bucky’s apartment and beat the shit out of him. Giving Emily a kiss as she left, she ruffled Mickey’s hair as he sat at the table eating before scooping her apartment keys and loose change from the shelf;

“I won’t be long”

“Ok, drive safe”

~*~

As Emily climbed out of Steve’s truck she was surprised to see Lillian running up to her;

“Come on! You’ve got to come see?!” she said excitedly

“See what?” Emily asked as Lillian dragged her to the elevator where Johnny was waiting

“Hi Miss Embers” he said shyly as he pressed the button for the floor where Tony Stark’s lab was located.

“Hi Johnny”

She looked to Lillian who had a huge smile on her face, beaming with pride as they rode up through the building;

“Johnny has an interview with Maria to become an agent!”

“Oh hey, congratulations Johnny”

He ran his hand through his close cropped hair and Emily immediately recognised it as one of Steve’s traits, smiling when she realised that kind of thing must be in the DNA rather than learnt from family influence. That thought had her mind turning to Mickey and who his father really was, wondering what he’d get from Bucky’s DNA.

As the elevator climbed through the higher floors the metal elevator shaft became the glass panels of the building, and she was able to see the rainy cityscape before her as her thoughts turned back to Lillian;

“So what are we doing?”

“Tony’s running an experiment!”

“So what’s new? He does it every weekend when staff numbers are low in case of casualties and when there isn’t as much drain on the power supply from everyone working”

“This one is special! I saw the budget outline yesterday, its massive. Portal stuff massive.”

“So...”

“So we might get to see if there can be a link made from here to Asgard”

It still shocked Emily that after the events of New York almost half a decade earlier that they weren’t alone in the universe, and some of the aliens looked incredibly human having seen Thor on the TV, although she was yet to meet him in person. Her thoughts were interrupted by Johnny being rather excited;

“This is SO cool! I mean I haven’t even had an interview yet and I’m going to be able to see one of Mr Starks full on mad scientist experiments”

Emily let her two elevator companions talk excitedly about what was about to happen, stepping aside as they reached the correct floor, only to run into Agent Maximoff as they emerged from the elevator;

“Good Morning Emily” Wanda greeted her in her strong accent; “I wasn’t expecting to see you this morning”

“Yeah... I forgot something in my office and had to come back for it”

Wanda swiped her security pass through the reader and let the four of them into the lab, Emily looking around in wonder until she saw a few familiar faces in the twenty or so people that were in the room. The looming purple form of Vision slowly ascended down from the upper level, greeting Wanda before turning to the rest of them;

“Mrs Rumlow, so wonderful to see you again”

“Hello Jarv... err, Vision. Good to see you too. And I use my maiden name now, but please; call me Emily”

“As you wish”

Although his words sounded harsh she knew that it was just the way he was made – literally – so stood with them as the lab techs worked quietly and efficiently, the screen readings starting to spike as the centre of the room started to waiver as if it was some sort of mirage. From behind one bank of computers Tony looked up, grinning as he saw his experiment was working. Noticing where the small crowd had gathered at the side of the room and giving them a wave before returning to the screen with a frown on his face.

The mirage like wavering started to spin and churn, and Emily could smell sulphur in the air like you did just before a rainstorm was about to hit. The old amalgam fillings she had in her back teeth started to tingle as the mirage became a spinning circle, blue and green sparks pulling from the rim into the centre before finally it suddenly sparked into life, a swirling portal opening up to the chorus of gasps and cheers. A tall figure appeared through the blur, metal breastplate and flowing red cape giving away that Thor was calmly walking through before he stepped down onto the smooth floor of the lab, looking to Tony as the portal whirred behind him;

“Mr Stark!” his deep voice boomed; “You seem to have been successful”

Thor had a huge grin on his face as he looked to his friend, Tony giving him the thumbs up as everyone’s eyes were trained on the portal, a second figure appearing through the blur until his tall frame became clear, and panic set in around the lab.

“Oh, we’re back here?”

His disappointed voice sounded clear as panic started to run through the rest of the people in the lab, Thor turning around to his brother;

“Loki, I told you to stay back until I could explain...”

Thor was unable to finish what he was saying, the portal was starting to change, sparks flying out from the edge rather than into the centre, people starting to push to get away, yet it was having a different affect on some of the people in the room;

“Shit! What the fuck is happening?!”

Johnny looked down at his palms that had started to flame, shaking them to distinguish it but having no luck. Wanda crumpled down onto the floor, her head in her hands as she screamed, her red magic swirling around her and forming a funnel above her like a tornado. Vision let out a strangled cry, the infinity stone in his head starting to vibrate painfully, panic in his eyes as he couldn’t understand what was going on. Behind the panicked enhanced people, the portal had started to collapse, Thor and Loki taking a step further into the room as they looked from the events happening in the room to the portal.

Through it all no-one noticed Emily, her screams fading into the roar of noise that was filling the lab as she was knocked to the ground, something pulling her towards the portal as she slid along the smooth floor. The last thing she saw before the portal closed was Loki flicking his hands out to the chaos that was happening in the room, attempting to contain the red tornado that was rising above Wanda, before everything went black.

~*~

Steve chewed on a nail nervously as he sat beside Mickey and watched him slowly spoon yogurt into his mouth, having a 50/50 success rate at getting the spoon to reach its target. He attempted to keep his mood light, yet his mind was elsewhere as he nursed his coffee. A quiet knock at the door had his head springing up before he raced to the door, thankful to see Sam as he opened it.

“Hey man, what was so urgent you had to pull me out of bed four hours after we just got back?”

“Shhh! Come in!”

Sam immediately saw the worry on Steve’s face, stepping in and closing the door quietly before following him into the kitchen. He took a seat on the far side of Mickey, thanking Steve as he was handed a cup of coffee before letting Steve sit, he knew better than to rush someone when they had something important to say. Finally Steve cleared his throat;

“I’ve got a bit of a situation...”

Sam nodded, sipping his coffee as he let Steve continue in his own time.

“... Emily saw Bucky get involved in some sort of deal with one of Brock’s old team a couple of days back when she went to the drug store”

“Was it at the drug store?”

“No, in an alleyway nearby. She saw Collins hand Bucky a package”

Sam sat and thought for a moment;

“Is Collins Hydra?”

“He was. And I’ve got no reason to consider otherwise”

“Do you know what was in the package?”

Steve shook his head, trying to compose himself and not think the worst;

“What do I do Sam? What if Bucky never left Hydra behind?”

Sam stood and quietly topped up his mug, offering the pot to Steve who shook his head;

“What do you think? Do you think Bucky could still be Hydra? After everything they did to him. You saw what he was like in Romania, he was doing everything he could to evade them and us. I know you think we don’t get on, but the dude has been there for us an awful lot, I definitely think you need to talk to him calmly about this... and as soon as possible”

Steve stood, going to the window as he looked out over the rain soaked streets;

“You’re right. Shit, I don’t know how long Emily is going to be...”

“Go now, I’ll sit here with Mickey. My sister has kids so I’m used to being around them. And I’ll literally be next door, all you need to do is holler and I can be there in seconds if you need me”

Steve nodded, fishing the spare key for Bucky’s apartment out of the old Empire State building mug without a handle that sat in the cupboard;

“I’ll leave the apartment door open so you can hear”

~*~

Steve stood outside Bucky’s door, turning the key over in his hands before he quietly slotted it into the lock, turning it quietly before he pushed into the darkened apartment. Leaving the door open slightly as he took a few tentative steps before stopping, listening intently to the quiet sounds of the apartment; the clock ticking, the hum of the refrigerator humming, and through it all he could hear a quiet sniff. Listening again he heard it coming from the bathroom and edged nearer, stepping into the narrow sliver of light that crossed the hallway and peered in.

What he saw made his heart sink. Bucky was sat on the floor, his head resting against his propped up knees as his flesh arm lay limp against his side. Steve pushed the door open slowly, knowing the Bucky by now knew he was there, finally seeing the syringe filled with the pale blue liquid resting in his metal hand.

“Steve...” Bucky’s voice sounded broken; “Steve please...”

He bent down and plucked the full syringe from his friend’s hand, setting it onto the counter before kneeling at his friend’s side;

“Bucky... What’s going on?”

Steve sucked in a painful breath as Bucky looked up at him and he saw for the first time his sunken eyes and tear stained cheeks;

“It’s Hydra... what they did to me... What they pumped into me... Its how they made sure I always came back, because I needed it”

Steve realised what Bucky was saying, that Hydra had pumped him so full of drugs and chemicals they’d forced an addiction on him, and when Hydra had fallen his supply had gone;

“What’s in it?”

Bucky leant back against the side of the bath and took a deep breath;

“Amphetamines, Steroids, a painkiller similar to Morphine, Caffeine... that’s the closest mix they can find to match what Hydra used to give us”

“Us? Who’s us? And who’s making this stuff? Is it Collins?”

Bucky shook his head;

“No, he’s doing what he can to help those of us that were displaced. He found a lab in Saskatchewan; it comes over the border in shipments of cheese of all things...”

Steve sat back against the wall, looking at his friend, unsure what to do;

“How come you didn’t need it in Wakanda?”

Bucky shrugged;

“Perhaps it was because they gave me painkillers for the Cryo and then the procedure for the new arm? I dunno. All I know is that it had worked its way out of my system by the time I got back here” his lip trembled as he remembered the withdrawal; “And it hurt so bad, my whole body. It was worse than anything Zola ever did to me”

“So what do we do now? What happens next?”

They sat in silence for a moment before Bucky finally spoke;

“If I don’t take it I get sick. If I do take it I become fun happy Bucky that everyone loves, but that needs another hit in two weeks time”

“You can’t take it Buck... you need to get off this stuff. You need to consider your responsibilities now...”

“Stark?”

“No, Mickey you fool. Emily has only just let you back into Mickey’s life. No matter what happens between Emily and me you are still Mickey’s father”

Steve let his words hang in the air for a moment, watching as the realisation of his situation sank into Bucky’s mind; that no matter what he had to get himself cleaned up. Before he could reply they both heard the sound of small feet running into Bucky’s apartment, and a small familiar face appeared in the doorway, closely followed by an out of breath Sam who was still holding a phone to his ear;

“Yeah... hang on a second...” he looked from Steve to Bucky to the syringe that still sat on the counter and immediately knew what was going on, he’d seen it many times before with veterans that left the forces. He looked to Steve as he held the phone to his chest;

“Sorry man, he just ran off whilst I was on the phone...”

“No worries Sam... Could you just take him back to my apartment?”

“We’ve got a situation...”

“What?”

“There’s been an accident at the tower” Steve’s eyes shot up Sam’s as he was handed his phone; “Its Tony”

Steve tentatively took the phone, his hands shaking as he pressed it to his ear;

“Tony...?”

“Steve... There’s been an accident... It’s Emily”

“What... where is she?”

“We don’t know...”

#angryschnauzer #taking in strays #steve rogers #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers fanfiction #captain america #captain america fanfiction #chris evans #chris evans fanfic #chris evans fanfiction

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chocolate-brownies · 5 years

Text

“I Tried 40 Days of Yoga, Meditating, and Chanting at 3 a.m. Every Morning”

“I Tried 40 Days of Yoga, Meditating, and Chanting at 3 a.m. Every Morning”:

Here’s what happened.

Sadhana involves two and a half hours of yoga, meditation, and chanting starting 3 a.m. for 40 days.

One early morning last November, my doorman, Jose, who usually says it like it is, took one look at me and said, “What happened to you? You used to look sexy. Now you look like you never sleep anymore.”

His statement stung. I wanted to say, “Well I don’t sleep anymore. Not since I started Sadhana.” But then I’d have to explain what Sadhana meant. And why do I have to justify how I look? So, I said nothing.

But it was true. I was barely sleeping, and the dark circles under my eyes, chronic yawning, and 10 extra pounds I’d put on in a matter of just a few weeks were all byproducts of my commitment to complete 40 days of Kundalini Aquarian morning Sadhana.

Why I Tried 40 Days of Sadhana

For about a year prior to starting Sadhana—which involves two and a half hours of yoga, meditation, and chanting starting 3 a.m. for 40 days—I’d seen Facebook ads for it. Several friends swore by its benefits, and I’d read many articles about its transformative powers, such as increased energy, mental clarity, and a plethora of blessings. Many spiritual paths have a practice of getting up before sunrise to pray. That special time is called Amrit Vela, which translates as the Nectar of God. When you give two and a half hours to a spiritual source, your entire day is covered with blessings. And who doesn’t want more blessings?

For years I’d been trying to finish writing a book, create an online program, and get into shape—but I lacked self-commitment and follow through. In Sanskrit, Sadhana literally means accomplishing something. I wanted to strengthen my commitment to both my spiritual practice and word to myself. I’ve never been an early riser, so I told myself, If I can wake up at 3 a.m. for the divine, I can do anything!

For the next 40 days, I woke up at 2:30 a.m., put on my white clothes and head covering, and drove to a yoga studio where I practiced yoga, sang songs to my soul, and chanted Aquarian mantras. I tried to go to sleep each night no later than 8 p.m. each night to attempt at least five or six hours of shut-eye. But no matter how many hot baths I took, Chamomile teas I drank, or minutes I spent breathing through my left nostril to relax, I couldn’t fall asleep until it was time to wake up again.

For the first week, I was very enthusiastic and surprised by how little sleep I needed to function. But then, somewhere around day eight, I came home after Sadhana and passed out until noon, which only messed up my circadian rhythm further. As my levels of exhaustion increased, so did my weight. I wondered how the other yogis in the room were doing it. Some of them were on day 50, 60, 90 and even 240. I was assured that if I could get enough sleep, I would be OK.

According to our Sadhana group leader, the secret to a successful Sadhana was getting enough sleep. I’d never had difficulty falling asleep before. But I’d also never woken before 7:30 am, and my nerves were keeping me up.

Somewhere around day 20, my very traditional Russian father called to tell me that he and my mother were worried. They’d recently seen my photos of me on Facebook and asked why I looked so exhausted, bloated, and pale. I was too tired to explain that I had signed up for a sacred practice meant to elevate my soul (and what that meant). Instead, I tagged him on the Facebook live Sadhana page so he could see what I was up to. The following night he called me and said, “Your mother and I saw the video. Are you in a cult? All those people in white look like mental patients.”

Was I really back here again, having another conversation like this with my parents? Some 10 years ago, I came out of the closet as a Feng Shui consultant. My parents wished it was just a phase, lied to their friends that I was an interior designer, and insisted that spirituality is for people that don’t want to work.

See also “Something Happens as I Continue to Chant…”

The Realization That Sadhana May Not Be For Me

On day 30, I went to see a medical intuitive who told me that I was suffering from liver insomnia and severe adrenal fatigue. I had no idea that our livers wake up around 4 a.m. Which meant that when I was getting up to do yoga so early, it was really hard on my liver. I already had mild symptoms of adrenal fatigue before starting Sadhana and didn’t know that feeling wired and tired were the hallmarks of that condition. It explained why I was having so much trouble falling asleep.

I reached out to a friend who’s a Kundalini yoga instructor to tell her that I was going to quit because I couldn’t take it anymore, and she urged me not to. “Everything that’s coming up for you is coming up for healing and clearing,” she told me. Translation for spiritual neophytes? “Your moodiness, liver issues, obsession with weight, and needing other people’s approval was probably always there, and now you’re ready to deal with it.”

I thought I’d dealt with all of that years ago—at least the obsession with weight and needing others’ approval. But the onion has many layers. And maybe Sadhana was fast-tracking the peeling of mine.

I pushed through. Because that’s what I do.

I began to wonder if I’m just a masochist and maybe what I really need is to get back into therapy. Then, I reminded myself that I am a therapist. In fact, I’m actually a spiritual psychotherapist and should know by now if something is good for me.

See also Kundalini 101: Kriya for Balancing Your Eighth Chakra (Auric Field)

Sadhana: The Results of 40 Days of Yoga, Meditation, and Chanting

At the end of the 40 days, a few things happened. First, I felt satisfied that I was able to finish what I started. Next, I finally got a good night’s rest. Then, I spent hundreds of dollars on herbal tinctures and vitamins meant to restore my liver and adrenals. A few small blessings did arrive. I finally found an incredible illustrator for my book and a week later, two of the wellness hotels in Miami Beach where I really wanted to teach finally came through with proposals. Overall, the experience was a mixed bag.

While unfortunate, I don’t think we—as a culture—are equipped to support someone embarking on a 40-day adventure that may cause little or no sleep. Especially if that someone has lots of responsibilities. I think it would’ve been easier, and I could’ve treated the practice with more reverence, had I been on retreat or on an ashram somewhere. But we don’t all have the luxury of going away for a month. I know I don’t.

Forty days of so little sleep would be hard on anyone, regardless of the spiritual path they were on. My advice: If you want to start 40 days of Kundalini Aquarian morning Sadhana, please get your adrenals tested first. Make sure your life supports the potentially crazy sleep schedule, and that you have lots of time to rest and contemplate the process.

Also, listen to your body. If you feel like it’s getting to be too much, don’t turn to this all-too-common default: “Exhaustion? Oh, it’s probably just my negative mind trying to sabotage me.” There’s nothing enlightened about wearing yourself down to become more spiritual.

See also Kundalini 101: What Is the Aquarian Age, Anyway?

0 notes

cedarrrun · 5 years

Link

Here’s what happened.

Sadhana involves two and a half hours of yoga, meditation, and chanting starting 3 a.m. for 40 days.

Why I Tried 40 Days of Sadhana

See also "Something Happens as I Continue to Chant..."

The Realization That Sadhana May Not Be For Me

I reached out to a friend who’s a Kundalini yoga instructor to tell her that I was going to quit because I couldn't take it anymore, and she urged me not to. “Everything that's coming up for you is coming up for healing and clearing,” she told me. Translation for spiritual neophytes? “Your moodiness, liver issues, obsession with weight, and needing other people’s approval was probably always there, and now you’re ready to deal with it.”

I pushed through. Because that’s what I do.

See also Kundalini 101: Kriya for Balancing Your Eighth Chakra (Auric Field)

Sadhana: The Results of 40 Days of Yoga, Meditation, and Chanting

Also, listen to your body. If you feel like it’s getting to be too much, don't turn to this all-too-common default: “Exhaustion? Oh, it’s probably just my negative mind trying to sabotage me.” There’s nothing enlightened about wearing yourself down to become more spiritual.

See also Kundalini 101: What Is the Aquarian Age, Anyway?

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

0 notes

krisiunicornio · 5 years

Link

Here’s what happened.

Sadhana involves two and a half hours of yoga, meditation, and chanting starting 3 a.m. for 40 days.

Why I Tried 40 Days of Sadhana

See also "Something Happens as I Continue to Chant..."

The Realization That Sadhana May Not Be For Me

I pushed through. Because that’s what I do.

See also Kundalini 101: Kriya for Balancing Your Eighth Chakra (Auric Field)

Sadhana: The Results of 40 Days of Yoga, Meditation, and Chanting

See also Kundalini 101: What Is the Aquarian Age, Anyway?

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

0 notes