#imagine going for dinner with a friend shortly after a breakup

[jakeperalta]

.

[chelseachilly]

king of my heart - pt 13 (final)

and all at once, you are the one i have been waiting for king of my heart, body and soul and all at once, you're all i want, i’ll never let you go

pairing: reader x ben chilwell summary: it’s a year later, and ben has a special surprise in store for your birthday <3 warnings: just some suggestive content! word count: 3.3k

see my masterlist for previous chapters

a/n: we’ve reached the end! (how fitting that it’s chapter 13 if i have any taylor fans here!) i’ve loved writing this story so much and am so appreciative of all your lovely feedback. as some of you have asked, i definitely plan to write more ben fics and have some in the works already! but my inbox is always open so feel free to shoot me a request if you have something in mind and i’ll see what i can do :)

-

one year later...

The next year of your life, thankfully, is significantly less hectic and stressful than the one before it.

The Euros come to a close, and although the boys lose by one missed penalty kick yet again, there is a lot to be proud of. You know how frustrating it is for Ben to be so close to victory and watch it slip away, but you try to remind him that he went from being unable to walk to helping his country advance to a European final within months. It was an incredible feat, and you won’t let him forget that.

He’s back in the swing of the pre-season with Chelsea shortly after. As the season begins, you resume your routine of going to see him play at the Bridge, often with Charlotte or your brother Max tagging along.

You still worry like crazy whenever you see him lunge for the ball or watch him get fouled, but those fears do subside over time. He has an amazing season, often proving himself to be one of the best players on the pitch, and eventually the injury that plagued him for so many months feels like a distant memory.

You have your own triumphs at work, too - by spring, you’ve secured a major promotion with a significant raise. Ben rents out an entire rooftop bar to celebrate you, inviting your family and all of your friends. It’s completely over-the-top, but you love him for it.

There are challenges, too, of course.

Charlotte gets offered a fancy new job in New York that is too good an opportunity to pass up. You know she has to go, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less when the day comes that she has to pack up and move across the world.

She’s been your best friend as long as you can remember, and you’ve never lived apart from her. You can visit each other and FaceTime every day, but it won’t be the same.

She and Mason decide to call it quits rather than try long distance, and although it’s an amicable breakup, it’s hard to watch your little group fall apart.

“It will be okay,” Ben murmurs in your ear, hugging you close after you’ve just dropped Charlotte off at the airport. “I know you’ll miss her, but you guys will always be best friends.”

“I know,” you mumble against his chest, letting his warmth and the gentle motion of his hands rubbing your back soothe you as you fight back tears. “It just sucks right now.”

Ben nods and kisses your forehead, pulling back to cup your face.

“I know I can’t replace Charlotte, but we can go home right now and drink rosé and watch Sex and the City if it will make you feel better,” Ben offers.

You can’t help but smile at that - Ben always poked fun at you and Charlotte’s Thursday night routine, and it’s not exactly his cup of tea, but he would do anything to cheer you up right now.

“Thank you, babe.”

Another Premier League season comes to an end, and you and Ben are stronger than ever.

You’ve settled nicely into a domestic routine since you officially moved in over a year ago now. You decorate the house and start hosting dinner parties for your friends. It’s hard to imagine the certified bachelor Ben was when you met him being so into helping you make dinner or arranging flowers for the table, but you can tell how much he loves it (even if he’ll insist you did all the work when your guests arrive).

You‘ve grown particularly close with each other’s families, too. Ben’s sister Alex will come visit on weekends and you’ll take her shopping before going to one of Ben’s games or a concert or whatever else might be going on that weekend. Max comes up for a week to tour universities, and Ben goes with him to check out the campuses while you’re at work.

In early June, you face another milestone - your 25th birthday.

It’s a bittersweet day for you. On one hand, you’re thrilled that Ben is home and able to celebrate with you for the first time in your relationship. Football kept him away for the past 2 years, international training and then the Euros occupying him. You know he felt terrible about it, although you assured him a million times it wasn’t his fault, and he seems quite excited to be able to make it up to you this year.

On a much sadder note, you and your dad had made plans to go to Paris for your 25th birthday back when you were a little girl obsessed with the Madeline books. You didn’t have a ton of money growing up, but he had promised you that he would make it work, and it was incredibly painful for both of you when he got sick and you knew you would never make it to Paris together.

Although there’s a bit of a pang in your chest when you wake up the morning of your birthday, it does fade when you smell coffee and freshly baked pastries.

Your eyes flutter open to the sight of your shirtless boyfriend holding a breakfast tray, a wide smile on his face.

“Good morning, birthday girl,” Ben says, placing the tray next to you before leaning over to kiss you gently. “Happy birthday, baby.”

“Thank you,” you smile, making room for him to sit next to you and admiring the array of pastries and fresh fruits he’s laid out for you. “This looks amazing, Ben.”

“You ain’t seen nothing yet, babe,” Ben grins, pecking your cheek. “I have two years of birthdays to make up for, remember?”

You laugh and roll your eyes affectionately as you take a big bite.

“In that case, what have you got planned for me?” you ask inquisitively with a mouthful of croissant, making Ben chuckle.

He reaches into his bedside table drawer and pulls out a small rectangular jewelry box that looks about the right size for a bracelet.

“Oh, you’re on fire this morning, Chilly,” you joke as you accept the box from him.

“Just open it,” he encourages you, suddenly looking a bit nervous.

With a raised eyebrow, you open the box, which does not contain a bracelet, but rather a miniature figure of the Eiffel Tower.

Your heart clenches in your chest. You had told Ben about your plan with your dad a couple years ago, when you first started dating, but you never expected him to remember.

“Ben…” you begin to say, your eyes welling with tears.

“We don’t have to go, it’s completely up to you,” Ben says quickly, placing his hand on your arm. “I know it was your plan with your dad, so if it’s too much, I completely understand. We can go anywhere else in the world, or we can stay here. Whatever you want.”

You shake your head, grabbing his hand and looking up at him as you wipe your tears with your other hand.

“No, babe, it’s perfect,” you say, voice thick with emotion. “I just can’t believe you remembered.”

“Of course I did,” Ben says softly, running a hand through your hair. “I know it won’t be the same, but you deserve the birthday you always dreamt of.”

Tears are fully streaming down your face now, but they’re not tears of sadness. They’re tears of joy that you found a man you know your dad would’ve loved, a man who consistently blows you away with how much you love him.

“You’re amazing,” you breathe, pulling him into a tight hug and burying your face in his neck as he continues to stroke your hair. “I love you so much, Ben, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, baby,” he murmurs into your hair. “Any more special requests before we leave? The flight’s in three hours, but it’s private, so we have some time.”

You’ll chastise him for spending so much money on you later, but for now you just pull back and nod with a smile on your face.

“Well, I obviously have to pack,” you say, “but first, I had another birthday present in mind. One I think you’ll be happy to give.”

Ben grins, making quick work of discarding your breakfast tray and even faster work of discarding your sweatpants.

It’s a very good birthday present.

-

yourusername via stories

Your first night in Paris is a dream.

You go straight from the jet to the room Ben booked for you at the Four Seasons, with your own private terrace looking out at the Eiffel Tower. There’s a bottle of champagne and most beautiful bouquet of white roses you’ve ever seen waiting for you upon arrival.

You quickly freshen up and get ready to go for dinner, putting on the red dress that’s been sitting in your closet for months, waiting for an occasion like this.

“You look incredible,” Ben breathes, staring at you in awe as he walks out of the bathroom and sees you putting the finishing touches on your makeup.

You stand up and turn to check him out as well. Ben always dresses fairly fashionably, and you love him in baggy shorts and a t-shirt just as much as anything else, but the suit he’s brought for your fancy dinner tonight is making him look particularly irresistible.

“Damn, you’re not so bad yourself,” you tease, meeting him halfway for a kiss.

You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him languidly as his hands find your waist and tug you closer. You don’t know if it’s the Parisian air or the glass of champagne you just downed, but you feel incredibly intoxicated by your charming boyfriend right now. Some combination of his warm hands on your waist, the scent of his aftershave and the way he looks totally irresistible right now is making it a challenge not to tear that suit right off of him.

However, you know he went out of his way to get you a reservation at one of the best restaurants in Paris, so you restrain yourself. That can wait until after dinner.

“Let me take a few pics of you before we go,” Ben mumbles, his low voice near your ear spurring you on even more.

You oblige, posing on your balcony in front of the incredible views and then taking a few photos with the beautiful bouquet of flowers he got you.

“So beautiful,” Ben murmurs under his breath as he snaps your picture about a dozen times more than necessary.

“Enough with the paparazzi, let’s go,” you joke, grabbing him by the hand and leading him toward the door.

The car is already waiting for you downstairs to take you to dinner, and Ben’s hand immediately finds your thigh as you get settled in the back of the black SUV.

“Hey, babe,” you murmur, covering his hand with yours and looking at him. “Thank you so much for this. It’s seriously the best birthday of my life. Not just because we’re in Paris and you’re spoiling me like crazy, but because I get to spend it with you.”

Ben’s eyes are flooded with emotion, and it’s clear that your words struck a chord with him. He looks like he might cry when he grabs your hand tightly.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, darling,” he says softly, a twinkle in his eye. “We’re just getting started, though. I have more surprises in store this weekend, believe it or not.”

You have no idea how he could top all of this, but you also know he loves a challenge.

“Is that so?” you say with a quirked eyebrow, shifting closer to him so you can kiss him.

Ben grins, his hand sliding around your waist, and deepens the kiss as you zoom past all the city lights.

-

benchilwell

liked by masonmount, charlottewright and others

tagged: yourusername

benchilwell 25 years ago today, my favourite person in the world was born. Happy birthday to the girl of my dreams, my rock, and my best friend. You make my life better every day. I love you like crazy ❤️

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yourusername Thank you Benji, I love you so much 🥹

yourmum What a lovely post Ben, thanks for treating our girl to such a special weekend xx

chillyfan1 omg i’m crying over this

-

yourusername

📍 Paris, France

liked by benchilwell, cmpulisic and others

yourusername Another trip around the sun!! Thanks everyone for all the birthday wishes and massive thank you to @benchilwell for making it so special. I’m a lucky girl 💕

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charlottewright so glad you had a great bday, can’t wait to hear all about the trip!!! xx

declanrice HBD from me and the fam! Have a nice time in Paris 😊

madders Common Chilly W (although now I have to take Kennedy to Paris for her birthday, thanks a lot @benchilwell 🙄)

madders Oh and happy birthday once again Y/N!!! Miss ya!

-

The next two days are a haze of romance, sex, laughter, and pure, unadulterated joy.

After your birthday dinner, which was the most incredible meal you’ve ever had, you went straight back to your hotel and didn’t leave until afternoon the next day, tangled in the sheets with Ben for hours on end.

Afterward, you spend your time taking long walks around Montmartre, drinking amazing wine, and soaking up the atmosphere of the city. You recognize so many places from you and your dad’s many internet browsing sessions, and Ben goes to great lengths to ensure you get to do everything on your list.

He asks you while you’re having lunch at Cafe de Flore on your last full day if it’s hard to be here without your dad, and while it’s certainly bittersweet, you don’t feel sadness.

You still miss your dad, of course, but your relationship with Ben over the past two and a half years has helped you process your grief in much healthier ways. You feel lighter now than you have since he first got sick all those years ago.

Your last evening before returning to London tomorrow so Ben can head out to the England training camp comes around far too quickly for your liking.

As yet another surprise in a long string of them since you woke up the morning of your birthday, Ben books you a private boat tour on the Seine so you can take in the city from a new perspective.

As you’re standing at the front of the boat, looking out at the magnificent architecture and the sunset over the skyline, you truly couldn’t feel more relaxed.

Then Ben’s arms wrap around you from behind, and you realize you were wrong - this is true peace.

You lean back into him, grabbing one of his hands that’s resting on your stomach.

“It’s so beautiful,” you say, “I never want to leave.”

“I know,” Ben sighs. “I wish we didn’t have to go home tomorrow.”

“Me too, especially because it means you’re leaving me again,” you pout, turning slightly in his arms to press a kiss to his jaw.

Although you’re certainly used to Ben being away, whether it’s for a training camp or a game out of the country, it doesn’t really get an easier. You have a hard time sleeping when he isn’t home, and your anxiety that something will happen to him during the game only triples when you can’t be there in person, probably as a result of your not being there when he tore his ACL in Brighton.

It’s a small price to pay for a life with him, but you still complain about it.

“You know I would stay home with you all the time if I could,” Ben murmurs against your cheek. “Although you would probably get sick of me.”

“Not possible,” you sigh in response, unable to conjure a witty joke about how you like having the house to yourself right now.

Standing here in the most romantic place on earth, wrapped in his embrace, you’ve never been more in love with him.

“I’m gonna get us some more champagne, you want some?” Ben asks you after a moment, and you notice he’s gone a bit tense before he lets you go.

“Sure, babe,” you reply, watching him walk across the boat before you turn back to continue admiring the sunset.

As the lights on the Eiffel Tower begin to twinkle, signifying the start of the hour, you can’t help but swoon in delight. You’re certain life can’t get any better than this.

And then you turn back to see if Ben is on his way with the champagne, and you’re immediately proven wrong.

Your boyfriend is there before you on one knee, holding an open box with a sparkly ring inside, staring up at you with stars in his eyes.

“Oh my god,” you breathe, nearly losing your balance as your hand covers your mouth. “Ben…”

“Y/N Y/L/N, I love you more than anything in the world,” Ben begins, making your heart beat faster. “You changed my life in so many ways. Before we met, all I cared about was football. And then I stumbled upon the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my mate’s backyard at a party I didn’t even want to go to, and my world turned upside down.”

You feel tears begin to stream down your face as you remember that first night in Mason’s backyard, the instant connection that formed between you and Ben as you hid from the rest of the partygoers.

“I fell for you harder than I knew was possible. You made me feel so alive, you made me remember why I loved football in the first place. You’ve been there for me through every good day and every bad day, every win and loss. You got me through the hardest year of my life, giving me nothing but love and support even when I didn’t deserve it.”

Ben is crying at this point, too, his eyes full of tears as he continues to hold your gaze.

“I’ll never deserve you, Y/N, but I would love to spend the rest of my life trying. I want forever with you.”

You’re already nodding your head, unable to form words, before he can ask the question he’s building up to.

“Y/N Y/L/N, will you marry me?”

“Yes,” you manage to choke out between small sobs, nodding your head. “Yes, Ben, of course I’ll marry you!”

Ben’s eyes light up with joy, his obvious nerves dissipating. You don’t know why he was so nervous, as this is pretty much the easiest decision you’ve ever made. He jumps to his feet and strides toward you, and you immediately fling your arms around him and hug him tightly.

“I love you so much,” you sob into his shoulder, feeling him squeeze you even tighter.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” Ben mumbles into your hair, rocking you back and forth in his embrace.

He eventually pulls back to slide the ring he picked out on your finger, and you glance down and admire it. It’s a beautiful diamond, but not overly extravagant, matching your taste perfectly.

“It’s beautiful, Ben.”

“Charlotte helped me pick it out,” he admits, still holding your hand in his.

“You told Charlotte you were going to propose?”

“Yeah, I believe her exact words were ‘about time’,” Ben chuckles. “I also told my mum and asked your mum and Max for their blessing, so I reckon it would’ve been fairly embarrassing if you’d have said no.”

“I’m sure they all knew I would say yes,” you smile, grabbing his face and planting a long, passionate kiss on his lips.

Ben kisses you back with the same intensity, gripping the material of your dress in his hands as he pecks at your lips, then your cheeks and neck.

“I love you so much,” Ben says again, tears still leaking from his eyes as he cups your face. “Thank you for making me the happiest man alive.”

You feel incredibly content and filled to the brim with excitement about what the future holds as you look up into the beautiful blue eyes that stole your heart in the first place.

“I can’t wait to marry you, Ben Chilwell.”

Ben leans in and kisses you once more - a kiss filled with a million promises.

“I can’t wait to marry you either, my love.”

-

yourusername and benchilwell

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yourusername Swipe for a surprise…💕

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masonmount Congrats guys!!!! ❤️

charlottewright Finally!!! So happy for you both 🥹

chelseafan1 OH MY GOD BEN PROPOSED IN PARIS IM GONNA CRY

yourmum So beautiful! Congratulations dears, can’t wait to hear all about it xxx

sasharebecca Ahhh so exciting!! Lots of love from me and Jack 😘

-

A/N: THE END!!!! i hope you all enjoyed it, please let me know your thoughts!! 🥰

tagging: @xjval @majx00 @delicateearthquakellama @lunamelona @kenanlotus0 @madriiid​ @mountstars​ @ttzamara​

[terrythemack]

The Sleeper Has Awakened, Chapter 1 - Moving On

I'm finally single after a difficult 8 year relationship. My ex and I don't exactly have the easiest co-parenting situation, but we try to make it work, albeit barely. It's been 4 months ever since the breakup and I've enjoyed the bachelor life, but at the same time, it's been rather tedious. It's the same thing all over again -- either the conversations fizzle out shortly or the people involved are mostly bots. Would you believe that I chased after a beautiful chocolate queen for 2 months until she found someone else?

It all started in September, when I posted a picture of my daughter on her first day of school on Facebook. She commented on the picture and a conversation was instantly struck. I had this woman on my page for years, so this was the first time we interacted. She had been dealing with a childish fellow who constantly ghosted her and played games with her head. I would listen to her problems and occasionally advised her to move on. Big mistake. Women want a man that listens, not give her solutions. But I was imagining us growing closer as the days and months went on. She finally had the courage to dump the invisible guy she was rarely with. She asks me what restaurant would I take her out to if we were to start dating. I'm thinking I've totally got this in the bag!!! I felt she was the one, but I just couldn't ignore the tiny red flags going off in the back of my mind. For one, she didn't prefer talking on the phone or video chatting. Secondly, there were days where she would give one worded responses to our chats. She's a PCA and works in a nursing home, so I understood that she was busy. No big deal, we talked at work.

After two months of talking and getting to know one another, she says she has to go to Philly with her daughter. I'm okay with it, and she occasionally posts pictures of her on her trip having a good time. A week goes by, and she's returned to town. I go to her Facebook stories and you'll never believe what she posts: her with some random dude. I'm sitting here totally blindsided!!! Did we not make these dinner plans? I ask her "Who's the dude?" Before she replies, I anticipate myself for the obvious answer. She says, "someone I'm talking to." Wow. Weren't WE talking to each other? Weren't WE exclusive? Clearly not.

My heart instantly dropped to the ground. How could this have happened? My gut told me something funny was going on with her, and I was right. Why would you discuss dinner plans with someone you were planning to go out with, only to turn around and date another guy? That's f**ked up. I'm guessing she was just talking to me in order to ease her boredom until something better came along (like most of them do). She's still my friend on FB, but now, I keep a healthy distance away from her. I had high hopes and everything. What a complete waste of time.

I had no choice but to be an adult and move on and learn from that experience. Fortunately, I found comfort in another lady I had on my Facebook since forever. She's slightly older and has two children. We seem to be really hitting it off so far, so hopefully, this won't be another dead end.

I'm going to take the situation with the current woman I've been talking to as serious as humanly possible. No distractions, no baggage, no side hoes, no drama, etc. Just constant communication and eventually a few dates just to let her know that I am completely serious about her. And just to add icing on the cake, I plan on saying a prayer every night for both of our sakes. I really want this to work out. I'm 37 now and I can't play the field forever. Eventually, I'd like to settle down and raise a healthy family. I've always been scared of commitment and had regrets afterwards, but this time, it's real. I'm praying that everything goes well with this woman and that all of our time together culminates into a long lasting relationship. I'm currently searching for a best friend first and foremost, and we seem to have great chemistry together so far. It's only been a month or two of talking, but I have a good feeling about her. Please wish me luck!! 🤞🏿

[13uswntimagines]

Ghosted (Emily x Reader)

Request 1: sonnett where reader is really good friends with a goalie(your choice) and sonnett gets jealous because reader and goalie play for the same club and Emily is in Europe. Do she goes to Lindsey and reader thinks Emily is going to breakup with her and pushes her closer to the goalie and it’s a whole shit show

Request 2: Can you do a Emily Sonnett imagines where her and the reader are together but the reader use to date someone else on the team ( you can chose) and the comments gets to Emily. And the Reader shows Emily how much she loves her?

Request 3: Something with Jane Campbell please

Author’s Note: I thought these three would work very well together, so I combined them. Also, this one takes an interesting turn in the end and if you look closely enough there are hints to a very interesting dynamic and why reader and jane wouldn’t work out. Let me know what you think. I live for interactions and stuff. They help to keep me motivated. 

It had been one hell of a year. It had started with both you and your girlfriend getting zero notice when the thorns traded her to Orlando and you to Houston. Then you had been trapped on opposite ends of the country due to the pandemic. That distance only got bigger when she decided to go to Sweden when Orlando pulled out of the challenge cup. 

But the two of you had made it work. Well, at least you thought you had made it work. apparently, Emily thought differently, if the silent treatment you had gotten the second you stepped into camp 3 hours ago was anything to go by. 

Hell, she wouldn’t even look in your direction. All you wanted was to hold your girlfriend (cause you hadn’t seen her in person in almost 6 months) and it felt like she didn’t even give a fuck that you were there. And Lindsey intercepted you every time you tried to get close. 

You smiled as you approached your blond girlfriend, leaning on the squat rack next to her. Normally you’d wrap your arms around her and kiss her neck, but you didn’t want to overstep with this weird tension happening between you. 

“Hey Em, wanna partner?” you asked softly, almost shyly.

Emily didn’t even turn to acknowledge you.

“I’m already with Linds,” She said tensely. Since when had she been so on edge around you? 

You frowned, your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to understand what was happening between you and your girlfriend. You glanced down at your shoes, suddenly finding them very interesting. 

“Oh, maybe-“ You started, poking the squat rack with your shoe. You looked up, only to find that Emily had already walked away and joined Lindsey on the other side of the gym. 

You sighed, finishing your thought into the blank air around you. “we could do dinner or something later. Guess not,” 

You blew out a long breath, willing yourself to hold back the tears. She didn’t even wait to see what you were going to say. Your eyes followed her as she hugged the blond midfielder and laughed loudly at whatever she was saying. It was like a knife in your heart. 

“What’s going on with you and Miss Sweden?” Hands on your shoulders and the voice right next to your ear should have made you jump, but you were too used to Jane’s scare tactics. 

You rolled your eyes and shrugged the keeper off of you, your gaze never leaving Emily. “Honestly, I have no clue,” You sighed deeply. She had never been like this with you before, and you definitely hadn’t expected your reunion to go like this. 

“Maybe it’s just jet lag. You know how she gets when she doesn’t get enough sleep,” Jane shrugged, poking at your dimples, trying to get you to laugh. You batted her hand away. 

“The question is how you know that,” You said, sending her a scathing look. 

She smirked impishly, wiggling her eyebrows. “I live with you, remember?”

You dramatically rolled your eyes, shoving your best friend. “I don’t think You’d ever let me forget,” 

The only good thing about your trade to the dash was that you got to hang out with your best friend every day. You and Jane had known each other since college and instantly hit it off as friends. When you had been traded, Jane also just happened to be looking for a roommate and things had worked out pretty well. 

“Well, if you’re still looking for a dinner date, I’m free tonight,”  Jane hummed, wrapping an arm around you again. 

“Been there, done that,” You scoffed playfully, shoving her again, but she didn’t let go of you this time. 

So maybe the two of you had tried in college. It was more of a fling than anything else, and it had mutually ended on great terms. You loved each other, but you weren’t in love and that was alright. You decided you were way better off as friends than lovers and left it at that. Plus, you had kinda fallen insanely hard for a certain blond cavalier.

“Not that kind of date,” She giggled, letting you shove her ways this time (definitely taking note of how your lips ticked up and patting herself on the back for clearing some of the clouds on your sunny personality away). 

“Whatever you say, now shut up and spot me,” 

The two of you were so caught up that you didn’t see the annoyed blue eyes following you from across the room, or the clenched fists and jaw that would have told you exactly what the issue with your girlfriend was. 

*****

You tried to smile as you entered the dining room, hoping that you would finally have the chance to get to the bottom of whatever was bothering your girlfriend. 

You spotted her from across the room, seated at a table with Rose, Sam, and Mal. You released a breath that you didn’t know you were holding at the absence of a certain blond midfielder. Emily had been attached to her side, and watching them was like a knife in your chest, every interaction a slice at what felt like the tiny thread keeping your relationship together. 

“Hey, is this seat taken?” You asked as you approached the table, stopping short of the seat next to your girlfriend. 

She tensed, and you noted how her jaw clenched with furrowed eyebrows. She opened her mouth, but before she could respond another body slid between the two of you. 

“Yeah, it is,” Lindsey said firmly, setting her plate down right in front of the seat in question. You frowned, and your fingers tightened around your plate. You bit your lip in an attempt to not say the thing that was on your mind. Despite how pissed off you were with the woman, she was your friend too. 

You glanced around the table that was now awkwardly staring at you, your eyes landing on an empty seat next to Mal and across from Emily. 

“Alright, what about that one?” 

“Taken too,” Lindsey said shortly with a shrug. Mal glared at her. “No, it’s not, sit Y/n,”

The team was growing tired of the tension between you, and how sad you looked. 

“Thanks,” You mumbled, sliding in beside Mal. 

Silence fell over the table, and you shifted uncomfortably in your seat. You never felt so unwelcome around your friends before. 

“Well I better get going,” Emily said after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, shoving the chair back and abruptly standing. Lindsey stood up next to her, wrapping a protective arm around her waist. Your chest ached at the hand placement and how Emily leaned into her. 

You shot up too, clearing your throat and extending your hand. “Wait Em, I thought maybe we could talk after dinner?” You said, desperation clear in your voice. The table had never heard you like this before, had never seen a crack in your typically cool and unfailingly in control exterior. 

“She’s already got plans,” Lindsey said with an eye roll, and Emily seems to tuck herself further into the taller midfielder. You gulped down the defeat and desperation threatening to crawl out of your chest. 

“Oh, um maybe I could join you then?” You asked hopefully. 

“Private plans Y/n.” Lindsey snapped, already beginning to guide Emily out of the room, seemingly careless to what you had to say. The blond defender didn’t even give you the courtesy of eye contact as she left. 

“Sure, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then. I love you, Emily,” You called after their backs, watching them go. 

Everything in you seemed to deflate. It felt like she was leaving with a piece of you like she didn’t even care you were crumbling behind her. You didn’t try to stop the tears as they fell this time, slumping miserably back into your seat. 

A warm presence knelt next to you, and soft but calloused hands gently wiped the tears burning down your face. 

You met the keeper’s concerned blue eyes and allowed her to pull you into her strong embrace, hiding your face in her neck. 

“I don’t know what I did wrong,” You sobbed. Jane rubbed large circles on your back with one hand and squeezed you tight with the otherHands-onother hand was trying to hold your broken pieces together. 

“I don’t know either,” She said, kissing the side of your head. 

You missed Emily pausing at the door to send you one last look, but Jane didn’t. Her eyes bored into the blond defender. If she thought she could just jerk you around like this with no consequences then she had another thing coming. 

Jane wasn’t romantically attracted to you, but you were her best friend and she wasn’t about to let you continue to get hurt. Emily might be able to avoid you, but she wouldn’t be able to avoid Jane, the keeper would make sure of it. 

****

“Alright cut the Bullshit Sweden, you’ve been ignoring Y/n for a week. What the fuck is your problem,” Jane growled, stepping into the nearly empty locker room and glaring at your girlfriend. She knew you could more than take care of yourself, but this had gone on long enough. 

Emily tensed at the new presence, back straightening and eye going wide. She hadn’t bet on the head of the Houston department of defense to get involved. 

“Fuck off Campbell,” Lindsey said back, stepping so she was standing protectively in front of her best friend. 

“I will not because your best friend there is hurting my best friend,” Jane took another step towards the duo, puffing out her chest. 

“Yeah right, she’s barely even noticed,” Emily scoffed, crossing her arms like a petulant child. 

“See, I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that considering she’s cried herself to sleep every night since she’s been here,” Jane said, taking another terrifying step forward, stabbing her finger wildly into the air. 

She had been the one to hold you while you sobbed yourself to sleep because you were sure Emily had fallen out of love with you. The one who watched you agonize over every interaction you had with your girlfriend leading up to camp, trying to find where you had gone wrong. The one who listened to you degrade yourself for apparently driving Emily away and right into Lindsey’s arms. She was watching as you literally ripped yourself apart over this. 

“And what, You didn’t enjoy comforting your new girlfriend?” Lindsey scoffed loudly, shoving Jane’s hand (which was practically touching her chest) away. 

“What?” Jane asked shocked. 

Emily peeked over Lindsey’s shoulder, scowling at the keeper. Anyone with eyes knew what they meant. “Look, I know she’s cheating so you can both drop the friends act,” 

Jane oils to help the laugh that bubbled out of her lips. God, Emily was clueless if she thought you two were anything more than friends. Sure you had tried in college, but there weren’t romantic feelings there. You both wanted such different things out of a partner and agreed that you were better off as friends. Emily was your person, and Jane would be damned if anyone said anything different. 

“You’re out of your fucking mind if you think she wants anyone but you and if you weren’t so far up Horan‘s ass you would know that. If you wanna break up with her to date Miss Portland then grow some balls and do it, but don’t you dare try and ghost the sweetest person in the world,” 

“You would love that wouldn’t you?” Emily spat. 

Jane rolled her eyes. “No, because it would hurt her more than you already have. She loves you, and I thought you loved her. If you do, then you should show it,”

Emily seemed to soften at Jane’s words. She did love you, more than life itself. She really had to talk this whole thing out with you. Jane didn’t give her a chance to respond, deciding that storming off to find you and make sure you were ready for practice was a more productive use of time (she would never admit that it scared her a little to leave you alone these days). 

*****

Emily wasn’t a jealous person. At least she tried not to be. But it was really fucking difficult when it came to you and your friendship with Jane. Well, it was difficult in the beginning, when she had you next to her, but with you so far away it was nearly unbearable. 

She hadn’t minded that the Dash moved you into Jane’s apartment, but then the comments started and they wouldn’t leave her alone. Instead of turning to you, talking it out with you, she had gone running to her own best friend. And in her effort to run from the fear that you wouldn’t choose her, she had hurt you in the process. 

She watched you from across the field, taking in the slight tilt of your head and slump of your shoulders. You smiled tightly at the keeper as she approached you, but Emily could tell that it didn’t reach your eyes, even from across the field. She also knew it wasn’t the blinding smile you saved solely for her. How hadn’t she noticed it before?

 “Jane was a little crude but she’s right you know,” Lindsey said, wrapping an arm around Emily’s shoulder, her eyes easily finding you. 

She felt bad about how Emily was treating you. 

“About which part?” Emily asked, raising her eyebrow and crossing her arms. Jane had said a whole lot, and she couldn’t find it within herself to disagree with them. It was childish to ignore you, and for her to be oblivious to your obvious feelings. 

“Don’t play dumb,” Lindsey scoffed, pinching Emily’s side a little harder than necessary. She didn’t like being the middleman between the two of you. You were her friend too after all. 

Emily sighed crossing her arms a little tighter around herself. “I know. I need to talk to talk to her,”

“I’m sure when she finds out what’s bothering you, there’ll be a whole lot more than talking. Isn’t communication one of those rules between the two of you?” Lindsey asked with a smirk, laughing loudly when Emily shoved her. The team knew about your relationship… dynamic and Lindsey was sure Emily was in for it when you realized exactly why the defender had broken your most sacred agreement. 

“Shut up,”

Emily’s cheeks flavored up at the implication. He was sure you’d come up with a very… creative… way to aid her in expressing her feelings next time and show her how much you loved her when you found out what this whole thing was about. 

*****

You watched Emily very carefully from your perch on the end of the bed. She had dragged you here right after practice, and as soon as the door closed the words were pouring out of her lips. 

You sat quietly, letting her finally get out the emotions she had been keeping from you for so long. She explained how the comments on Houston’s latest photo of you and Jane had started this whole shit show, and how terrified she was that you would decide you didn’t want to deal with the distance. 

You let her pace back and forth as she told you about how she didn’t want to confront the issue, so she thought ignoring you would be a better course of action. It didn’t give you a chance to tell her that you didn’t want to be with her anymore. 

She finally paused, turning to look at you with wide tearful eyes, wringing her hands nervously in front of her. 

“I don’t have romantic feelings for Jane,” You said seriously, looking your girlfriend right in the eyes. You wanted her to know how true those words were. She knew that tone and had this been a different conversation it would have sent a chill down her spine. 

“I know I just-“ She started, but you cut her rambling off an eyebrow raise and your firm voice“Got jealous and thought that cutting your losses was better than coming to me,” 

It was a rule in your relationship- communication was king. The only way things got done was if you talked about them. You talked through every aspect of your relationship, every like and dislike, every limit and desire. This situation broke every rule you had established and that didn’t sit well with you. You couldn’t be the only one initiating (or trying to), she had to do it too (especially if she was uncomfortable with something) for this whole thing to work. It scared you a little that she had just shut down and run off to Lindsey. 

Emily nodded slightly, staring a hole in your shirt. 

“I thought you had moved on already,” She mumbled. 

You stood from the bed, gently using a finger to tilt her head so you could look her in the eyes. You raised an eyebrow. “So you got cozy with Lindsey to make me feel as jealous as you were and then wouldn’t respond to me as punishment?”

“I’m sorry, I just thought it would hurt less,” She mumbled, captivated by your y/e/c eyes and the little swirl of deeper emotion hidden inside. 

You nodded. stepping closer so your noises were almost touching and gently grasping her shoulders. “I love you Emily Ann Sonnett, even when you’re being a dumbass and ghosting me,” 

She could feel your breath fanning over her lips, only adding to the weight of your words. 

“I love you too,” Emily said, and you could see the truth to her words in her blue eyes. 

You smirked. “I know,” 

You leaned down and finally connected your lips. She grabbed your collar and pulled you closer, pouting all of her emotions into the kiss, trying to show you how much she loved you and how sorry she was for hurting you. 

Your lips moved together in a very familiar dance, slow and full of all of the emotions between you. At some point, you had flipped the two of you around so Emily was seated on edge of the bed. You pulled back and began to trail kisses down your girlfriend’s neck. 

She tilted her head to give you more room, sighing and moaning as you trailed your way down her chest, stomach, and thighs, placing kisses as you went until you were kneeling between her legs. Your fingers toyed with the waistband of her pants, an annoying cocky smirk plaster on your face when she whined that you were going too slow. 

“No, no baby girl. We’re going to work on your communication skills, so I’m not going to do anything unless you tell me exactly what you want,” 

[hookingminor]

highly requested part 2 to this angsty blurb, and this marks the end of my 2k blurb weekend! thank you all for joining me and I hope you enjoyed!

-

Matthew wandered back to the hotel well after midnight.

The rehearsal dinner ended around nine in the evening, but after spending an hour on that deck thinking about everything you said, he decided to take a long walk around the neighborhood.

He wandered through the church venue Willow had booked and sat at the pews for a few minutes, taking in all the decorations that were already set up. Then, he made his way back to the barn where the reception would take place, and all of it just felt wrong: the decor, the table settings, the flowers, none of it felt right.

Matthew didn’t put much thought into the wedding, per Willow’s requests, but it only hit him just how little he contributed to all of it as he sat on his hotel bed and thought about what his ideal wedding would look like.

He didn’t even want to get married in Calgary.

It made sense he would since Willow had lived here her whole life, but Matthew always imagined his wedding taking place in St. Louis where his entire family and all his friends could attend. Besides his immediate family and teammates, no one else could make the long trip to Calgary for his wedding.

When Matthew pictured his wedding, he also pictured you standing at the end of the aisle, too. Matthew was sure Willow’s dress would be gorgeous and she would look absolutely beautiful tomorrow, but when he pictured you standing there in her place, he was filled with a fluttering of butterflies in his stomach he couldn’t deny.

Which is what led him to knocking on Willow’s door at one in the morning.

It took a few minutes before she woke, bleary eyed and confused as to why her fiance was seeking her out so late in the night. “Matthew? What is it? You’re not supposed to see me before the wedding.” She pulled her robe tighter around her body, as if trying to shield Matthew’s eyes from her.

That was another superstition Matthew didn’t like. He nearly begged Willow to spend the night with him before the wedding, not buying into the ‘bad luck’ bullshit people always said about sleeping together before the ceremony, but she wouldn’t budge.

“I know, I’m sorry for the intrusion, but I think we need to talk,” Matthew said. He was still dressed in his suit from the dinner, though he’d shed his jacket and tie long ago. Willow’s face fell at his words, but she let him inside her room anyway.

Matthew sat on the edge of the bed awkwardly and fiddled with his thumbs as Willow sat next to him. Silence filled the room. Matthew didn’t know how to say it.

“Is this about Y/N?” Willow asked calmly after a few minutes passed. “I saw you two talking outside earlier.”

Matthew looked at his fiance, her eyes sad and face dismal. He nodded.

“I figured,” she sighed.

“I’m sorry,” Matthew said because he didn’t know what else to say.

Then Willow said the most unexpected thing.

“It’s okay.”

Matthew’s confusion was clear on his face, and Willow let out a genuine laugh as she took his hand in hers.

“I thought if you saw her and she moved on, we could’ve made this work, but that wasn’t the case, was it?” She asked, and Matthew nodded again.

“I can’t say I’m surprised,” she continued. “I always knew you still loved her.”

“I really did love you,” Matthew said. “I do love you… it’s just…”

“You love her more,” Willow finished for him.

“I am sorry,” Matthew pleaded. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, but then I saw her and… I can’t let her go.”

“I know,” Willow said, squeezing his hand comfortingly, and then let out a deep sigh. “Well, I guess we better tell our folks the wedding’s off, huh?”

-

Matthew showed up to your place a month later.

He stood outside your apartment, nervous and shaking, with a bouquet of your favorite flowers in his hands. You hadn’t heard from him since booking the first flight out of Calgary, dodging all his calls and texts that came in over the week after his wedding. You effectively stayed off social media, deleting all the apps you knew you still had Matthew on in fear of seeing wedding pictures.

The surprise on your face was evident when you answered the door to find Matthew on the other side.

“Aren’t you supposed to be on your honeymoon or something?” You asked.

“I didn’t go through with it. I couldn’t after seeing you,” Matthew explained. “Can I come in?”

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you let Matthew follow you inside. He’d never seen your apartment before. You’d moved places shortly after your breakup, trying to erase the memories of Matthew that existed on every surface of your old apartment.

He held out the flowers for you, which you took and placed into a vase and filled with water. Matthew’s eyes roamed your new place, taking in all the photos you had on your fridge to the books you kept on your bookshelves.

“To what do I owe the pleasure, Matthew?” You asked.

Matthew’s gaze focused back on you. “I always hated it when you called me Matthew.” A smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

“What do you want?” You rephrased, ignoring his comment.

“I want to give us another shot,” Matthew answered confidently.

You weren’t quite sure what you were expecting him to say, but it was definitely not that.

“Matthew—”

“And before you tell me how bad of an idea it is, because I know that’s what you’re about to say, just hear me out.”

Your mouth snapped shut and you waited for him to continue.

“I love you. I’m in love with you. I have been for years, and I’m never going to not be in love with you,” Matthew said. “After you left, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and I realized that marrying Willow wasn’t what I wanted. When I picture my future I see you in it. I see you at the end of that aisle on our wedding day. I see you and me in a house with a dog and maybe a few kids. I see you waiting for me at home at the end of the day, and I see you beside me when I wake up in the morning.”

“Matthew, we tried this before,” you sighed. “We tried the long distance, and it didn’t work.”

“And I’m willing to try again,” Matthew replied, crossing the few feet of space between you to cup your face in his hands. “We were young and dumb and immature, and I pressured you to change your life for me when I shouldn’t have. I’m not asking you to pack up your life and move to Calgary right now. Hell, if you don't ever want to move to Canada, you don’t have to. I’ll move to wherever you want to be because wherever you are is where I belong.”

“I’m in this for the long haul,” he added. “There is no one else out there for me, and there never will be.”

Tears welled in your eyes at his profession, and Matthew’s thumb came to swipe at a stray tear that rolled down your cheek.

“What makes you think this time will be different?” You questioned softly.

“Because I’m different. We’re different. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy. You’re all I want.”

“You’d really request a trade for me?” Matthew nodded.

“It wasn’t fair to put that all on you then, and I know that. I shouldn’t have asked you to do something I wasn’t willing to do myself, but I’m telling you now that I’d do anything for you,” he answered.

Throwing your arms around Matthew’s neck, you pressed your entire body into his. Arms tightened around your torso, keeping you snug against him, and Matthew tucked your head into his chest.

“So what do you say? Can you give me a second chance?” He mumbled into your hair.

“I think we’re well past second chances,” you chuckled.

“I promise it’ll be the last one you need to give me,” Matthew laughed, grasping the base of your neck.

In an attempt to blink away his own tears, a few streamed down his cheeks. Leaning forward, you kissed away the tears, leaving his cheeks wet, but Matthew had a dopey grin on his face all the same.

“I’m all in,” you replied to his question, and Matthew had to take a second to make sure he heard you correctly.

His grin spread wider, and he crashed his lips to yours, both of your smiles getting in the way but neither of you cared. Matthew peppered your face in kisses: your brow, your cheeks, your nose, your chin. There was not one inch of skin he left untouched.

You giggled in his arms, twisting your face to the side to avoid the tickling of his scruff against your cheeks, but he kept you close to his body.

“I love you,” he said finally, “and I’m sorry it took me so long to get my shit together.”

You caught his lips in a deep kiss. “All that matters is you’re here now.”

“Oh, I forgot something,” Matthew said, pulling back just enough to reach his hand into his pocket. 

A small box rested in the palm of his hand, and he opened it to show you the necklace he gifted to you nearly three years ago. When everything ended, you’d given it back to him, and he’d kept it tucked away in his bedside drawer since then.

The dainty ‘19’ hung from the chain, and Matthew undid the hook and looked at you with hopeful eyes. Your stomach did a flip as you turned around, and Matthew draped the jewelry around your neck, connecting it in the back and placing a soft kiss on the skin right above it.

“Now everything’s right where it belongs.”

[sunrisefairy]

Swipe right

Pairing: George Weasley x reader

Warning: language, mentions of cheating/breakup, alcohol 

Summary: The one where Y/N downloads tinder after a bad breakup

Taglist: @hufflepuff5972​ @inglourious-imagines​ @klausdatprettyboi​ @georgeweasleyswhre​​ @horrorxweasley​​ @amourtentiaa​​ send me an ask if you would like to added!

————————————————————————

Y/N hated being single. She hated not having anyone waiting for her with dinner cooked and a glass of wine when she got home from work. She hated how empty her bed felt and not having anyone to cuddle after a tough week. She hated no one being there to listen to her ranting about her day. Y/N absolutely missed being in a relationship and being able to go through life with someone else by her side.

Y/N’s last relationship was 8 months ago, she had been with her ex Matthew for 6 months when it came crashing down. Y/N remembers the night she met Matthew vividly. Her friends had dragged her to some concert at this random underground bar. Y/N was at the bar ordering drinks when a breathtakingly handsome man with blond shaggy hair and piercing blue eyes offered to pay for the 3 beers she was ordering. Normally, Y/N would roll her eyes and not bother talking to random drunk men, especially when it was a girl’s night out like tonight. But something about Matthew caught her attention and she couldn’t walk away even if she wanted to. Matthew had this aura about him, he was very charismatic and could captivate anyone with his looks alone leaving those around him putty in his hands. Which is exactly what happened to Y/N.

Matthew and Y/N started dating shortly after that and she was completely smitten with the man. He seems to be just what Y/N needed. To Y/N he was the perfect boyfriend, he held all the traits she looked for in a partner, kind, funny, smart, supportive, everything except the trait which would be argued to be the most important – loyal. 6 months into their seemingly flawless relationship Y/N found Matthew-her supposedly perfect boyfriend, in bed with another girl.

The second Y/N saw the two of them in a rather compromising position in Matthew’s bed, Y/N felt her world collapse around her, her throat closed over making it hard to breath and her vision blurred. The events that followed are hazy in Y/N’s mind, she remembers screaming and yelling, she knows there had been a lot of tears (mostly from her), Matthew trying to beg for forgiveness, which is very hard to do when you’re butt naked and there potentially was a few items thrown in Matthews direction, deservingly so.

That night broke Y/N, it felt like Matthew had reached into her chest and yanked out her heart and crushed it to dust then spat on it. Apparently, douchebag Matthew and this girl had been shagging for basically the whole of his and Y/N’s relationship. She couldn’t believe it.

Y/N’s friends had spent most of the weeks that followed in the heartbroken girl’s apartment as she cried, screamed, yelled. It pained them to see their best friend so distraught. But surely, over time and with lots of ice cream and alcohol, Y/N was able to heal.

8 months later Y/N finally felt mostly whole again, she was able to smile and laugh without a hollow ache pounding in her chest and tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She no longer dreamt of Matthew’s arm wrapping around her and pulling her into his chest when she dozed off, she forgot how it felt to kiss him and she stopped wanting to call him.

Y/N finally felt free, which she told Alicia and Angelina at their weekly girl’s night in. This led to Alicia trying to convince her to maybe start dating again, to test the waters as she put it.

“Okay, hear me out,” Alicia says waving her arms, somehow managing not to slip her wine on the couch, “I think Y/N should download tinder.”

Y/N scoffs and opens her mouth to disagree, but her words went unheard as Angelina squealed in excitement, “oh my god yes! Y/N you so should.”

Y/N shakes her head before sipping on her wine, enjoying the sweet taste on her lips. “Guys, I don’t think I’m ready to start dating, I definitely don’t think I’m ready for another relationship.”

“But that’s why tinder is so great, you don’t have to go on any dates if you don’t want to. You can just chat to some cute boys and see what happens.” Alicia replies, picking up Y/N’s phone from the coffee table and holds it out for her to unlock.

Y/N thinks for a moment, eyeing her phone, she doesn’t feel ready to jump into the dating scene still nervous about being let down again but there’s no harm in downloading tinder and seeing her options, right?

Y/N eyes are locked on her phone Alicia’s hand before muttering fine and unlocking it for her. Angelina giggled excitedly, moving closer to Alicia’s side to look at the phone. A few moments later the app was downloaded, and a profile was made. The 3 girls took turns swiping through profiles ogling the eye candy.

The phone was currently in Angelina’s hand while Alicia refilled everyone’s glasses, Y/N had lost count of how many glasses of wine she’s had tonight, her body buzzing from the alcohol. “Man, I forgot how much fun tinder is.” Angelina slurred, her thumb rapidly swiping through profiles.

“Okay Ang, we won’t tell Fred that you said that.” Y/N chuckles, Angelina just rolls her eyes.

“Oh, come off it.”

~ ~ ~

The next morning the 3 very hungover girls who had passed out in different spots of Y/N’s living room, somehow manage to drag themselves to brunch with Lee, Fred and George.

“Hello ladies, big night?” Fred winks then plants a sloppy kiss on Angelina’s cheek who mumbles a response that sound vaguely like a yes.

The 6 of them were sitting at a table outside, soaking up the sunshine and warm weather. Once their food is delivered the group is chatting aimlessly with one another. Y/N hears her phone ping from her bag, and she fishes it out to check the notification.

“Ohh, Y/N is it a tinder message?” Alicia says excitedly trying to peer over her shoulder.

“Tinder?” It’s George’s voice now. Y/N glances up at him from across the table, unable to read his expression, “since when does Y/N have tinder?”

“Since last night, the girls convinced me to download it. Kinda seems like time to start getting out there again.” Y/N replies shoving her phone back into her bag before one of her friends has the chance to snatch it from her even though the text was just from her mother.

“Maybe you should download tinder Georgie. ‘Bout time you got yourself a girlfriend.” Lee mumbles, his mouth full of food.

George shakes his head, looking down at his plate, “tinder isn’t for me. Besides your one to talk Lee, you’re single too.”

“Not anymore, I want to marry this eggs benedict.” Lee practically moans as he shovels another bite into his mouth.

Y/N laughs along with everyone, shaking her head slightly.

“I think you should George, I’d bet money that your dream girl is on there.” Fred smirks at George whose eyes widen at the comment and his cheeks heat up.

“Can we change the subject,” the redhead mutters scratching his neck, not meeting anyone’s gazes.

The conversation quickly moves on and Y/N finds herself still staring at George confused by his strange behaviour, also noticing the way her chest feels heavy at the mention of George’s ‘dream girl’. She pushes the feeling down and tears her eyes away from the redhead in front of her just before he glances up at her. The pair oblivious to the others intense gaze.

~ ~ ~

That night Y/N is snuggled up under her favourite fluffy blanket, on the couch, while some random romantic comedy is playing in the background.

Y/N has soon come to realise that tinder is addictive, she’s spent the better part of the last hour swiping through the many profiles. It doesn’t feel like she even has control of her fingers at this point, they apparently have a mind of their own.

Y/N starts to zone out, her finger automatically swiping for her. That is, until she stumbles across a particular profile and her finger freezes and her eyes bulge out of her head. Is that? George?

Y/N looks through his profile, there’s a picture that she had taken of him at the beach one summer, he’s lying on a towel, shirtless and the cheekiest grin plastered across his face. The next photo is of him and Ron from Harry’s surprise birthday Ginny threw last year. They are both looking smart in their suits, beaming brightly at the camera. Y/N can’t help but stare at George’s hand that’s wrapped tightly around a beer bottle, her mouth going dry as she zooms in on his veiny hand. There is also a photo of George from last Halloween where he had dressed as a pirate, Y/N chuckles, remembering how George had followed her around for most of the night, annoying her with his lame and corny pirate jokes. The last photo is her favourite out of them all. It’s of her and George at her recent birthday, he has his arm wrapped around her shoulder and his head resting against hers. The pair of them smiling widely at the camera.

Y/N bites her lip trying to decide if she should swipe left or right. She’s always had a soft spot for George long before she started dating Matthew. She knew deep down she harboured a tiny crush on her friend but never acted on it, scared she’ll ruin their friendship if she confessed her feelings. Y/N always fantasised about what it would be like to date George Weasley. She would happily bet her life savings that George would be the perfect boyfriend, would treat his girlfriend with respect and shower them with love and affection. It’s the type of relationship Y/N yearned for, the type of relationship she thought she had with Matthew.

Y/N stared down at the phone in her hand, contemplating her next move. The temptation to swipe right was huge, finally being able to find out if George liked her but there was the possibility that if she does swipe right she’ll find out that George does not like her in that way and she doesn’t know if she could physically take that knowledge right now. Part of her debates on swiping left, thinking that way she can live her life blissfully unaware to whether or not George likes her. The idea of being unsure of his feelings seems very appealing then definitely knowing he sees her just as a friend. A small voice in her head tells her to just delete the app and pretend this never happened.

Y/N groans at her overthinking.

Just choose Y/N.

“Fuck it,” Y/N mutters squeezing her eyes shut before swiping right.

She keeps her eyes closed for a few minutes, trying not to picture the upsetting scenario where they do not match, and Y/N has to deal with her unrequited feelings towards the boy. She takes a deep breath and slowly opens her eyes trying to focus back on the phone in her shaky hand. It takes a moment to process the words on the screen before Y/N is jumping up from the couch squealing.

It’s a match!

Her happy dance is interrupted when her phone dings, indicating a new message. Y/N swears her heart stops beating and she scrambles onto the couch to grab her phone.

George: Do my eyes deceive me or have I captured the attention of the lovely Y/N?

Y/N snorts at his message, butterflies erupting inside her stomach unable to get over the fact that George Weasley likes her.

Y/N: Consider yourself lucky Georgie, not many are worthy enough of my attention ;)

Y/N: But wait, I thought you didn’t have tinder? You said tinder wasn’t for you

George: I didn’t… well up until 1 hour ago. Fred convinced me to download it so I could try and find your profile. He said I should at least try and confess my feelings…

Y/N: And? What are your feelings?

George: that I am hopelessly in love with you. Have been since forever but I’ve been too chicken to admit it.

George: I was going to tell you I swear, but then you started dating that tosser Matthew and I lost my chance.

George: After you two broke up, Fred bugged me to say something to you but I knew it wasn’t the right time.

Y/N studies the messages. Long before Matthew was even a thought in her mind, she knew she would leap at the opportunity to date George. But that was before she had her heart shattered into a million of tiny pieces. She told Alicia and Angelina that she wasn’t ready to date, she didn’t think her heart could take it. And if this was any other guy, she would gently let them down. But this wasn’t just any guy, this was George Weasley. The man who never failed to make her smile and laugh till tears was streaming down her face. The man who help pick up the shards of her heart and help mend it back together. The man who would always answer her phone call, no matter the time of night. Y/N knew she’d be stupid to let go of George Weasley.

~ ~ ~

George was a wreck; he was pacing around his living room basically pulling out his hair with how much he’s run his fingers through it. It had been 30 minutes since he messaged Y/N and admitted his feelings, telling her he loves her. And she hasn’t replied!

George knew he shouldn’t have said anything, clearly Y/N was just curious about his profile, just wanting to see if they’d match and she definitely does not love him back let alone like him.

He wanted to throttle Fred for convincing him to make this stupid tinder account and embarrassing him like this, now George has gone and fucked up his friendship with Y/N.

George stops pacing when he hears knocking from his front door. His eyebrows knit in confusion about who would be visiting him at this hour. George chooses to ignore it, deciding he doesn’t want to see anyone right now, all he wants to do is open some vodka and drown his sorrows. He makes it into the kitchen when the knocking starts back up again, this time louder and faster.

“Okay I’m coming!” George shouts annoyed, “Jesus, I swear this better be import-” his words disappear as soon as he opens the door and is faced with Y/N.

“What are you doing here?” Georges words come out short and brunt, but Y/N doesn’t seem to notice.

She is fiddling with her fingers and anxiously chewing on her bottom lip. “I figured this wasn’t really a conversation I wanted to have over tinder.”

Y/N is silent, the words getting stuck halfway up her throat, she doesn’t really trust her voice to be steady enough to talk. So, she decides on another route of communicating her feelings to George.

Slowly she cups Georges faces in her small hands, forcing his eyes to meet hers. George seems frozen still as Y/N softly pulls his face to down towards hers, their lips millimetres from one another. She can feel his shaky breath on her face. It feels like forever before Y/N connects their lips together, George seems to snap out of his trance as his hands wrap tightly around Y/N’s waist, holding her body close. Their lips mould together perfectly and fireworks erupt in Y/N’s belly. She feels alive and her heart is thumping in her chest and all she can think of is George. George is clouding her thoughts and, in this moment, she doesn’t want anything else to ever occupy her brain. Her heart feels warm and whole as if George had kept the final piece of her heart in his possession to keep save until she was ready and willing to give him the whole thing. Y/N doesn’t feel scared anymore of the thought of loving someone again because she knows for certain now that she’s always loved George.

They pull away from the kiss, breathlessly, George rests his forehead against Y/N’s needing to feel close to her still.

A tear slips from Y/N’s eye which George softly kisses away.

“I love you too George. Always”

[jae-canikeepyou]

| kismet | j.jh | part one

pair: jaehyun x fem!reader

word count: 10k+ welps

summary: his parents sends him for a month long vacation to the country side to meet his other half, which so happens to be you. and alternatively, your beloveds asks of you to be in your best behaviour while he’s around. disliking how things turn out, you both come up with a pact with each other before your two families gathers together for christmas eve dinner.

genre: arranged marriage + bad 1st impressions

a/n: happy new year ✨ and you know what that means? *wink wink* new layout for my oneshots hihi! ok you guys this took soooooo long to write ;-; i wasn’t satisfied with the first draft so i had to reboot everything! and i mean everything!! :3 so i had this specific genre in mind for a long time and i’m glad that someone requested at the same time while i was in the progress of writing it~ i should’ve posted this on christmas day but i was spending time with my family :D hope you understand hihihi anyway i’ll stop this here so you can enjoy reading! ~j

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| part two | part three (final) |

jaehyun never reacted so quickly in his entire life, simultaneously spitting out the drink he consumed and eyes growing at the news his parents suddenly brought up. his neck ache at sudden twist. “what did you say?” he wiped the drips of coffee at the corners of his lips. his breathing intensified the more the silence passed.

mr. and mrs. jeong playfully sighed & exchanged looks as their son shouldn’t be this surprised regarding the topic. they have discussed about this when he turned eighteen. now twenty-three, he shouldn’t be so surprised or over-reactive about it either. 

“you heard your father,” mrs. jeong chewed her meal elegantly, yet giggles were still heard through closed lips. “you’re meeting her next week.”

he squinted with plenty of doubts filling his head, he was sure that there was still a year left. and to him that also meant he has exactly a year to convince his parents to call off the marriage he never asked for, let alone planned it. he still has a lot- correction, have yet to achieve in his mid-twenties and having a wife now would be slightly cutting his privacy short. 

in other words, the path to leisure he wished for after years of academics would divert to spending a life planned out for him. he had a diary and planner, and 

they were organised and well-thought out. but he had enough of his parents writing out his future for him, why couldn’t he write his own love story?

jaehyun was on his second last year of veterinary medicine, having some of the weight and pressure of academics lifted off his shoulders. of course he knew he still has to study, he just felt a little relaxed knowing that he would soon practice his dream career.

never had he expected that time flew and was going to meet his fiancé soon. 

his phone blinked with along with a message from his friends— mark and johnny. he briefly looked at the wallpaper of his long-time girlfriend of four years; she was the one who was on his mind. “nononono, i can’t get married now.” jaehyun’s panicking voice echoed the dining area, shoving the phone into his pockets.

mr. jeong raised a brow, placing his cup of coffee on the glass table. “relax, you’re not putting a ring on her finger yet.”

“‘yet’?!” the dimples on his face deepened as his cheeks bubbled. “mom, dad, i haven’t even met her!”

“hm? that’s why you’re spending the whole month at the countryside!” mrs. jeong exclaimed excitingly, and to jaehyun it seemed she was enjoying herself as if she were the one going there too.

“a month?! what am i going to do over there?!” 

“isn’t this great? we finally get to see you outdoors instead of a laptop and report papers! you need a break honey.” his mother clasped palms.

“ugh i can manage my time—”

“once you start working i’m pretty sure you won’t have the time to, jaehyun.”

since the love topic was brought up, his parents started to dig out their memories during their dating years. jaehyun groaned and massaged his temples, feeling uncomfortable with all the love stories he already heard or been told about. “did you forget that i have a girlfriend?” mumbling, he let out a deep, long sigh hoping they would hear him. and that failed miserably. his parents were in their own world. 

he shook his leg underneath the table and grew impatient with the duration of their conversation. “please, i’m begging you. i’ll get married in my own time and pace. sue and i are pretty much going to settle once we graduate-”

a certain ringtone perked his ears and his hands quickly pat his pockets to search his phone. he let out a sigh of relief, that his girlfriend psychologically read his mind and knew how much he wanted to get out of the dinner table, not to mention his parents’ overly attachment to one another. 

“sue you called! i was wondering if you want to hang out for a while.” his voice was high in spirits. but word has it when it reached its high, it would plummet to the ground shortly after. “hey, what’s wrong?” 

on the other line, just a call away from his girlfriend, was her held-in sob and whimper. “where are you right now? i’m coming to get you.”

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jaehyun’s limbs shook in anger and slammed his fists onto the stirring wheel so hard that this time he promised himself he would move on. last week, she didn’t just break up with him— that was a call for farewell, something kept well hidden from him and all this time he didn’t know she felt the way she did for the years they’ve spent together. 

for a minute he wished this was all a dream, that conscious world would wake his slumber mind. it wasn’t. the reality pretty much awoke him and kept him up all night. he blinked several times, her words still numbing his hearing, wishing it was a lie... but he heard her loud and clear that night. 

“...you’ll always have a place in my heart.. but i’m really sorry..”

he grew speechless though his heart had millions of questions. the windows of his lips sealed closed no matter how much he wanted them to be answered. opposite from where he was at, he stared at the porch of her house, waiting for a silhouette to appear before him. instead a luxurious car pulled over and an unfamiliar man took his coat off to wrap around sue. that action didn’t hurt jaehyun, but it was sue’s smile of comfort that triggered his pain more. seemed like she knew this man given that she let him into her house, like nothing heartbreaking happened before this. 

the door closed and jaehyun’s teary eyes never left her residence until loud slams of swinging car doors opened on both sides of the passenger’s seats. “tsk.” he hissed and quickly rubbed the tears meaning to fall. him being seen crying would really make him a target for his friends, for not moving on. couldn’t risk being the attention more than he already was.

“goodness mark it’s not like we’re on vacation that you have to pack almost everything,” johnny threw one of mark’s duffle bags at the boy, earning a so-what kind of look from him. “we’ll only bring jae to the y/l/n’s then leave afterwards—”

screw this, jaehyun thought. by now he shouldn’t look too swollen to his friends. but screw mark for renting and living across from his ex’s house. 

“save your explanation john.” jaehyun growled and started the engine, fastening his while seatbelt the two continued their bickers. more of it was mark’s shallowness that pissed johnny.

“yeah, save your explanation john- ow!” mark gave the tall lad a death-gazing glare at the pain that stayed on his skin.

johnny leaned forwards, tapping the dimpled boy on the shoulder. “dude, you changed your mind?”

jaehyun scoffed, resting his left arm onto the window’s edge as he drove. “mom said i should be accompanied. i didn’t want you both to come but she’s so insisting it’s getting into my nerves.” 

“actually mrs. jeong said you might need us after your sudden breakup,” mark pressed the button. the window rolled up and down whereas him and johnny exchanged looks to try to liven up the mood in the car. “what are friends for, hm?”

“o-oh yeah. you’ll need us.. as in.. ‘sue’pport.” he nodded with a fake sob. soon mark bursted out in giggles and joined the wagon. 

“‘cause you lost your ‘sue’weetheart.” “she’s making you ‘sue’per emotional.” “we were ‘sue’prised she dumped you.” “but as your brothers, we ‘sue’wear we’ll be here—”

“ugh! i don’t know why mom suggested you to come but your side comments really aren’t helping at all—” jaehyun rolled his eyes regretting instantly at the pain afterwards.

his friends found him hilarious. they were laughing so hard that jaehyun couldn’t continue or interrupt their exploding voices. “since when did you need help, mr. leave-me-alone?” johnny took a huge leap from his seat to be beside the offended boy. “for all i know you’re the type who wants everything perfect, in control and planned.”

“nah dude, right now..” mark zipped his bag. “he needs help with love issues.”

“this has nothing to do with my love! and for the record, about the y/f/n’s? it’s arranged!” he lowered his cap and slid back slightly against the seat while the car was on idle. “do i need to spell it out for you?”

“that can change dude,” johnny slurped on his giant soda takeaway. jaehyun battered his eyes but was careful enough to not leave his sight off of the road. “who knows this fiancé of yours could meet your expectations. maybe more than sue could ever do.”

jaehyun’s mind clouded and still had the effects from the breakup. still so fresh. he didn’t want to believe it in fact happened; that it was all true. he was sure sue was the one for him. hearing his pals say it word per word only had it finally sunk in— she dumped him.

it terrified him in ways he couldn’t imagine, haunted him countless of nights because he failed her. he even bragged to his parents that he would marry her and slip a ring on her finger. thinking about it, how stupid was he to hold onto that hope?

he looked like an idiot, felt like one and his friends probably viewed the same. they said his fiancé could outstand sue? she was the perfect package! what more could he get?

he had her.

honks of the vehicles behind led jaehyun’s eyes trailing to the stoplight that emitted green. he pulled over and johnny knew he had to take his place. 

“here, let me drive. you’re not fit for driving. now, just be comfy back there, okay?”

—

hours later violent jolts of the car hit jaehyun’s cheek, regaining consciousness from his slumber just to witness the beautiful sunrise peeking from the horizon. he sat up, his posture trying to straighten to denumb nerves that held long during his sleep.

his playlist blasted the speakers. johnny had his legs on the dashboard and hummed with the music. mark was still sleeping peacefully like he hadn’t had a care in the world other than his precious bag of unfinished chips in his hands. 

he groaned at the discomfort of pulled muscles and the sudden break to the countryside. if johnny needed an hour intervals for the drive he could’ve said so, right? but now they were at the open road, greenery and fields merging together in one land. 

“what time is it? where are we and are we there yet? i’ll drive if what you do delays the journey.” jaehyun gestured him to move aside. “johnny, stop eating.” it was quarter to two.

“wha-? i’m hungry. hey, you’re the one who didn’t want to come and yet you’re rushing to get to the y/l/n’s?” johnny unwrapped his second burrito. “besides, we’re only five minutes away—”

“tsk ‘cause i need to piss real bad.” jaehyun was fidgety and panned the view before setting eyes on his friend. 

johnny felt a churn in his stomach as his cheeks bubbled. “oh gross! i’m eating dude! if you’re gonna piss then do it outside?!”

jaehyun shoved the burrito into johnny’s mouth to not speak anymore. “rather hold it in than for you to puke in my car!” he held his strength while johnny fought his way to breathe properly. “i won’t piss outside and there are cattles who feed on fields!”

“bruh stop lecturing me with your vet knowledge- ah!” johnny held his forehead from the sudden finger flicking.

“dude, it’s called common sense. now move aside!” he shooed the tall boy off the driver’s seat. jaehyun stepped on the gas, heading towards a small town entrance.

they finally reached a couple of stores & restaurants, surveying and asking its townsmen using your family name to locate your residence. maybe they would know which apartment or house you resided in. except that was the twist of their understanding. 

jaehyun and his boys were shocked to know how your family name plastered in posters and brand products displayed at open stores, but were more shocked to see the gazes from the people. 

a little over an hour, they managed to get hold of more information as they were told your house was ten minutes away from the town. jaehyun walked along the pavement to grab something to drink, only to be poked by a young man who was around the same age as they were.  

“hi.” he greeted the unfamiliar man. “i take it you’re looking for the y/l/n’s?”

he took a squint as he observed jaehyun from head to toe, circling around him. “uh-huh, you look like m’lady’s husband-to-be in the pictures.”

“e-excuse me?” jaehyun cleared his throat, seemingly unwilling to have this conversation going.

mark held his laugh per usual, it would take time to get used to jaehyun stumbling his words. 

because the engaged man really wasn’t ready at all. 

“yeap he’s the guy.” johnny popped the ‘p’ with a lollipop in his mouth. jaehyun rolled his eyes, taking the candy stick and tossing it away. he didn’t care about johnny’s scoffs.

the new young lad wore his motorcycle helmet. “sweet.” he prolonged the word. and that was when both mark and johnny lost it. they recalled the pun they entertain themselves with prior to arriving here.

“oh, i work with the town’s famous family,” he showed his i.d. wrapped around his neck. “you can follow me since i’m heading there too.” the three quickly twitched at his quick paced movement. “i’m kunhang by the way, but i’d rather be called hendery. it’s my professional name, it just sounds cooler.”

jaehyun furrowed his brows at the praise. “okay hendery, uhm famous? they’re big time?” he pointed at the posters holding your family name. “how so?”

hendery swung his face shield downwards. “you’ll see.”

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gallops of horses were drumming the entire farm. dust and dirt swirled with the wind in the air and it took a while for the boys to adjust their sights at the distance. hendery dropped a couple of spare boots for them to wear. jaehyun was in awe. horses were majestic animals and though he got to study them, he never seen such a number of them on the fields.

“oh goodness me our guest is here!”

they turned around to voice of a jolly lady, an apron on and folded cuffs from her clothing. “hello there! welcome! you must be jaehyun! my soon to be son-in-law!” she shook his hands and later pulled him for a hug. “oh you look just like your mother!”

“hi mrs. y/l/n. y-yeah, i get that a lot these days,” jaehyun scratched his head. “thanks for having us.” 

her eyes trailed at mark and johnny, and they too, were pulled in for a hug. “i see jaehyun brought along his handsome friends with him! do enjoy your stay here with us!” she caught a glimpse of a figure approaching the crowd. “c’mere baby and meet the boys!”

jaehyun looked over his shoulder, lips parting and exhaled a short breath. she seemed young, she has a pretty face but obviously still in high school. what the? oh g- i’m marrying you?

“pfft no ew. i’m not getting married to you. i’m only 17.” she let out a chuckle, almost sarcastic enough for jaehyun to explode.

crap i said it unconsciously.

your mother lightly slapped her arm. “marg, where’s your sister?” she asked. “i told her to specifically come at the barn 1600.”

“she took jet for a ride. ‘detour’ she said, but i guess she’s on her way here.” she replied and mark choked on his water bottle. marg rolled her eyes. “green minded ass-”

“language marg!” hendery flicked her forehead, the latter held the pain. “the rudeness. sorry, kiddo here is the family’s baby. you’ll see the eldest daughter soon- oh! right on time m’lady!” he waved his hands up high.

jaehyun didn’t know what pissed him off more; one was at himself for being starstruck and in awe at you after his breakup, and two? 

the beautiful black horse you were riding on didn’t seem to be halting. it was trotting at first. you were on its saddle. he squinted his eyes, were you smirking? unbelievable. he thought you were doing this on purpose. no, you were really going to run him over. 

he noticed a change in speed, trotting then galloping on dirt. the sounds of it matched with the beatings of his rising heart. jaehyun took a step back, then it became more than one, until he was worried that he would end up being chased. there were couple of gasps and reminders of voices. he fell on his bum with palms hitting the ground as he breathed heavily, eyes still on you.

the horse listened to your rein, it let out a loud neigh with its front legs heavenwards. your laugh merged with it. “whoa- hey, easy jet, easy.” you cooed the animal, soon removing your helmet and hair flowed like those in shampoo commercials. “i think he got the message.”

jaehyun sat there dumbfounded, his brows drew together. what message? you were centimetres from killing him- wait. he saw you turn cold and your smile disappearing.

bingo! he got it. he knew the reason why you did this. 

you were against the arranged marriage too.

johnny leaned into mark’s ear, who had his hands cupping his lower face. “bro, jet’s a horse so stop giggling and clean your mind.” 

“dude i’m not laughing at that. just look at jae. i’ve never seen him so helpless.” he cackled a laugh. 

once your feet were on the ground, he finally got a better look on you. you were wearing a light wooled grey sweater with denim blue jeans. your hair now on one side and boots stained with dried mud. you took off your gloves to put your hand out for a handshake, one rested around your helmet. “hi, i’m y/n.” you greeted with a smile, ensuring it was fake enough for jaehyun to notice. 

“quite of an entrance.” jaehyun dusted his jeans and groaned at the exerted strength as he stood. “jeong jaehyun. veterinary medicine student..” he was about to grab your hand until you shoved yours into the pockets of your jeans. 

“y/n!” your mom exclaimed with warning. “your manners-” she clamped her lips when you put up a hand, eyes darting at her later at him.

“alright, okay. look mr. i didn’t ask for your field of study and i don’t need to know or do anything with you.”

jaehyun crossed his arms, a fake smile plastered on his face. what an attitude. “apparently you will? because i’m here for the next thirty days.”

“is that so?” you hummed and jaehyun didn’t like how you singsonged.

he knew something was coming and sometimes he thought it was best to keep quiet instead of letting his annoyance towards you spark up. “good, that means you’re helping me out with everything i do here.” he heard you say. “and do things i tell you to.”

“what?” his eyebrows snapped, and for you it was quite entertaining to see this reaction from him. following the trail of your footsteps, jaehyun stomped on wet soil as he stood before you. “hey you can’t just order me around like i’m your staff!”

“of course i can, you’re in my property-” you gestured the land.

“no, it belongs to your parents.” the tone of his voice irked you. he was grinning too.

“i can do whatever i want and choose whenever to help. i’ll only listen orders from mr. and mrs. y/l/n if they want me to do work..” he trailed off, your mother waving at him with admiration— typical as she saw him like an long lost son. “..but i guess not. my mom did say i needed a break from studying too much and she’s totally right. i must be pardoned from labour.”

it was your turn to cross arms and give him a lop-sided smile. the audacity of this man. you felt like ripping all your hair out. “you think staying here would prevent you from doing labour, your highness? sitting on your throne all dignified and at peace? well guess what, just because you’re a guest that doesn’t mean you get to be treated differently-”

you heard him bubble out a forced snicker. what was it this time? “of course it’s different! i am the guy you’re betrothed to-”

“i won’t allow it.” your jaw tightened with lips in a hard line. “a person like you is not worth my time and definitely not someone i’d want to marry.”

he pursed his lips. “wow do people ever tell you how bad of a host you are? you just don’t go shoving assumptions into people’s faces for your own entertainment. we’re humans.”

“i’m only rude to you. and yeah, people are humans. but you’re the devil’s incarnate.” you pulled jet’s reins and led him to the stables in which jaehyun observed how you gave that same smirk from earlier. “see if you’ll enjoy your stay here, hubby.” 

jaehyun clenched his fists and was sure little crescent moons already indented his palms. he only wanted sue to call him that. yet that was useless, they broke up. your face remained in his head and anger filled him up, now boiling so much that he felt a little lightheaded arguing with someone like you. 

he wanted to yell but johnny and mark sandwiched him between them with hendery walking in front. “tsk it’s only the first day and i want to go home.” he scrunched his nose. 

hendery had his palms behind his head, lips jutting to hold his grin. “m’lady—” he corrected himself. “y/n’s not usually like that. it’s a first seeing her so cranky and hotheaded.”

“really? how is she usually like?” mark asked with curiosity. “she seems cool because she smiled at johnny and me before the tables.. y’know, turned.” he shrugged with implications towards jaehyun.

“not cranky and not hotheaded.” hendery opened the door to your house, showing them to the large living area. “a lil’ different today but i tell you, our y/n is a professional equestrian. she’s passionate with what she does and—”

“a horse rider?! passionate?!” jaehyun hissed as he took off his shoes and brown coat, kicking it slightly to the side and hung it on the wall respectively. “she almost killed me!”

johnny hit the back of jaehyun’s head and clicked his tongue. “snap out of it jae, you’re overreacting. we’re at your future in-law’s residence and i think it’s a bad idea to badmouth their daughter.” 

only a low groan escaped out of jaehyun as he refused to listen. “look, first impressions don’t always hit off a good start. but thinking how you both don’t have a say to this arranged marriage, your feelings towards each other are totally understandable.”

jaehyun pressed the bridge of his nose as he took in his friend’s words. if what johnny said was true, was it right for him to begin holding grudge on you on the first day? you barely knew each other. clearly he knew you hated him, yet if his parents were here and saw the whole thing, they’d ask: why risk the chance of not trying? and again, he remembered he was told, people can change. 

—

throughout dinner, he got to know what your family business was and why it was well-known. he didn’t ask questions, they were just told to him like they were comfortable with it. they weren’t bragging either. perhaps it was due to the fact jaehyun would soon be part of this family that they told him the entire story. 

you didn’t show up during the hour and honestly it got jaehyun feeling so much relief since he wouldn’t have to deal with another useless argument. he disliked wasting time and preferred to do this schedule accordingly, so remembering it only made him rage inside. he was glad he wouldn’t have to deal with you tonight. 

except that relief was shortlived. you had to appear right when he thought of you.

great.

he tried to fix himself in his seat on the sofa by the fireplace, averting his gaze upon you while your mother continuously slapped you light on the arms. you probably finished your bath, given that you still have a towel wrapped around your head and a.. robe.

“y/n! have some courtesy! we have guests!” your mother warned as she gestured in front to cover you, apologising to the new boys. hendery immediately stepped in as well, his eyes shutting to a close and pushing you back to the bottom of the staircase. 

“but mom! i’m hungry and there might not have any cookies left if you keep giving it to them-” you were cut off with hendery’s pats.

he brushed his hair. sighing, he had to shoo you away because you were clearly attracting eyes, definitely not the decent kind. “i have a jar prepared for you m’lady so please.. get dressed!”

you quickly ran up as you were told, mumbling and complaining. jaehyun and his friends were definitely at a loss for words. because not only were you careless, you were oblivious too. 

mark scrunched his nose to start a conversation with jaehyun. “looks like she called you ‘hubby’ too quickly.” he closed his lips to contain his laugh. 

“pfft jae your ears really are honest huh?” johnny pointed at them as he held his chest, fistbumping mark for another win. 

he wasn’t going to tell them that he in fact did find you pretty, and the thing was, he shouldn’t be giving a reaction too soon. “it’s the spicy chocolate cookie!” jaehyun defended.

“huh, i didn’t bake any cookie with those flavour-” hendery pondered, but he stopped since he spotted jaehyun begging to help him here.

“you know that we know if you’re lying right?” the two squinted eyes, putting more pressure to the boy to admit what he felt when he saw you earlier. “bet ya felt something.”

afraid that your family could hear them, jaehyun grabbed their shoulders to huddle them in close. he cleared his throat to catch their attention, yet his friends continued their giggles. “i swear if you both embarrass me in front of the y/f/n’s, consider the days with your precious.. phones.”

“ah c’mon dude. don’t do that. we bought our i12’s together-” mark whined.

“then at least help me out here guys. i have a reputation to hold-” 

“oh for being her hubby?” johnny gave a playful grin and soon was replaced with a nervous smile. “okay i’ll zip it.”

he heard your mother facetiming his mom, voices loud enough for him to know that there would be a huge gathering at christmas eve dinner. great, another one i have to deal with.

jaehyun put down his beanie and crossed his arms to snooze for a bit. he had too much going on in his head the whole day that maybe sleeping it off would let him calm down from all feelings he felt tonight. on the sofa, the weight beside him lowered, the scent of freshly baked cookies along with lavender perfume got him peeking under his beanie. 

it was you, who looked like a squirrel happily munching away with your jar of cookies whilst eyes glued to the television.

he smiled a little to himself. so you can have this cute side-

fragments of sue’s face appeared in his mind. right. he was supposed to be heartbroken. he still was. a week into the breakup had remains to his heart. bothered with sue’s ultimatum and your annoying munches, he grabbed your wrists and out at the veranda.

it pissed him because it seemed like he was the only one who cared about both of your futures or actually would do something to change your families’ minds, where as you were carefree with your cookies. “hey!” you held the jar tight in your arms as you quickly slid your feet into your slippers. “rude! i’m eating!”

the rest of the people in the dining and kitchen area grew voices of woohoo’s, jaehyun’s pupils flared at their cheers. “just come with me for a second!” he hissed, turning the knob and closing the door.

“seriously jaehyun you can’t just ruin my happy time! what do you want-”

he looked in between the curtains from the outside, where he could faintly hear his friends talking the embarrassing things about him— especially how he felt for this arrange marriage. “aren’t you pressured or angry at the situation our parents have put us into?” he leaned against a column. “even my friends are joining the wagon.”

you cackled whilst scrolling your phone. “here i thought you only cared about animals, dr. jeong.” hearing how jaehyun scoffed at your comment, you shoved your device in your pockets. “and yes of course i’m mad! what they decided is so against my will.”

jaehyun stared at you and surprised that he actually felt exactly the same. “really? then let’s make a pact. sounds good?” he offered with arms folded while you still were occupied with your phone. “well?”

“why would i listen to you? as far as i know, we already clashed and hate each other.” you rolled your eyes. “what makes you think i’ll agree?”

he sighed. “y/n, i know you don’t want this, i don’t too. at least there’s something we have in common. i’m just thinking that we have to show them we’re not meant to be together. we both have lives we want to live without the other.”

there was a change in his voice. you could tell he was serious and trying to suggest something he’d want you to agree on. “fine, what’s the pact?” you gave an uninterested tone. probably a bad idea, you thought.

“like you said, ‘clash and hate each other’. we have exactly twenty four days to convince them that you, me, us?” he pointed at his chest then yours. “is impossible. twenty four days, it’s until the night of christmas eve.”

actually that’s not bad at all. “hm, that’s easy since i can’t stand you.” you said, now standing up to face him. “even better if we can do this in less than 24.”

“cool, we have to make our fights as natural as possible. no signals or heads-up. full-on make me angry and i’ll do the same. the more we argue the more they’ll believe there’ll never be an ‘us’.” his voice a bit lively than before. “i want my buds to be fooled into this too. just be realistic and- nghf!”

you shoved a huge cookie into his mouth. “tsk, you’re noisy. i get you so shut up. i agreed with the pact, but i have conditions, okay?”

jaehyun nodded as he chewed angrily with his eyes closed, though the cookies’ taste might’ve simmered down his temper towards you. “ha, then i have conditions too-”

“see you in the morning.” he heard you say as the door slammed with the attached bell ringing his ears. 

now that was one of his conditions; no interrupting while he talks. he sighed seeing you head up the stairs. he sighed. “ugh, i can never marry a girl like her.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

stretching as high as you can, the muscles loosened in every part of your body from riding yesterday. the sun shone its brightest despite the cold weather. you remembered the pact and you knew you would not let a day pass without bothering him. somehow his existence annoyed you to the bone, not even words were enough to explain how you felt. 

at the farthest point your peripheral could reach, you spotted jaehyun peacefully— and actually enjoying— the hammock whilst faintly you heard mark and johnny debating which pronunciation was the correct one. fixing your boots as you walked towards them, the two scurried off to the side, noticing the stomps of your feet getting closer. 

“get up.” you wriggled the hammock, causing it to be lop-sided. 

jaehyun managed to balance himself from the swings. “what the-” his voice hitched. “you’re ruining my relax time!”

you pretended to ponder as you looked up to the sky. “hm, sounds awfully familiar, doesn’t it?” referring to his sudden action towards you the night prior.

“seriously y/n what do you want? i’m in no mood to do work today and i clearly told you last night-” jaehyun fixed his eyes onto your finger that silenced his lips.

jaehyun raised a brow and rolled his eyes. what was your deal? he thought. “condition number one.” you started, bringing your voice down. “starting today you’ll do the work for me and with me. considering you’re taking veterinary science, i’m guessing you know your ways through equine husbandry. so in the coming days you can check the horses’ health while i practice my rounds.”

ah, so that’s what this was about. “uh-huh, but my condition number one is you shouldn’t make me do labour unless you really need it.” jaehyun got off the hammock, chugging his glass of water like it’s one-shot. “it’s the first light, y/n. my service starts in the afternoon.”

“i see. you’re not a morning person.” you checked your nails.

“i so am! but it’s my month long vacation. let me enjoy this before i experience exploitation from you.” he forced a smile that made you want to push him off the veranda.

you walked down the steps and straight to the barn opposite from your house. “it’s either exploitation today or exploitation for the whole month.” you singsonged while you twirled in your stance. hearing him growl meant your tactic worked. “i’ll let you experience the beauty of country side, city boy.”

jaehyun’s brows narrowed as he followed you anyway, later looking back at his friends who were stifling a laugh. “did you just compare me to feces first thing in the morning?”

“did you just boggle up my brain with scientific terms?” you hid a giggle when you heard his friends finally bursting out and losing it. because they too, experienced jaehyun’s sudden blabber of uncommon usage of words, especially conversational-wise. “i made a pun but it seems like you acknowledge the nickname.”

“i did not!” jaehyun pressed his temples. “i may have misheard you but i didn’t acknowledge it! you’re too assuming!”

“mhm sure.. but you are stepping on one though.” you whistled and gestured mark and johnny to the stables.

jaehyun grumbled as he checked the soles of his shoes. indeed he stepped on it and licked his lips in annoyance that it’d be hard to clean it off. the door opened and hendery’s morning face only turned sour at the unsightly view. he tossed another pair of spare boots for him to wear before they both headed to where you all were. 

hendery introduced the things they do here; feed the horses, fix their saddles  repair them if damaged. they were minor things since your family did hire people to do them. and since you and him were professionals in equine sports, he mentioned you both spend all days practicing. 

good, if it was you who toured him around the area, he wouldn’t think lasting a day with your intentions of ruining his mood. though it was part of the pact, it seemed like you enjoyed this a lot more than he expected. hendery brought him to places your family owned, land properties that expanded until the mountains. it’s no wonder you were free to roam around and unafraid of getting lost. 

you made him do a lot. and he was glad he was able to handle, thank heavens. however he didn’t feel much of a challenge from any of them, where you claimed they were ones he couldn’t do. jaehyun lost track of time, the sky was his only companion to tell the hours and probably lost count of the tasks too. all he could remember was the endless bickering, yells and frequent eye rolls. 

in all those, he still let you off the hook— first day of work and all, he has to be patient. and he wasn’t bothered with what you tasked him to do, until his friends stood behind you as you showed them the rest of the horses. 

after you told him to move the bundles of hay he thought was the last, you were currently trying to make mark pet the horses as they were bobbing their heads towards the young man while johnny recorded his reaction. 

“isn’t she all well now.” jaehyun rolled his eyes as he helped hendery lift the infinite bundles. “my friends get the leisure and i have to work?”

hendery laughed as he unbuttoned his collar. “she was told by her mom that you’ll be in her care since you both will get married eventually. plus mrs. y/f/n said it’s a way to get to know y/n too.” he explained, seeing you walk towards them with a hay cart, hands signalling your childhood friend to get some bundles from you. the final bundles were finally fed to the horses, and you skipped your feet to fetch jaehyun.

jaehyun knew you had intentions to make fun of him because the way you walked really pissed him off. so he decided to have his fun too. ”are you that weak you’re unable to carry a small patch? guess my hourly pay needs an increase.” he low-key flexed his muscles. truthfully speaking it was a sight to look at, too bad his attitude didn’t match it.

you rested on one leg while you look at him. he was testing the waters with you, smile slowly resurfacing as you gave even the slightest reaction towards him. oh it’s on. he annoyed you yesterday and would be a lot more in the next coming days. jaehyun leaned forwards that he was towering over you. his body made you feel small but that didn’t stop you from getting back at him.

“the only thing increasing for you is workload.” you hummed, putting back the cart into its place.

he glared at you as if you were dead meat. you ignored him. “i’ve had enough for today. muscles are sore.” hands in his pockets, jaehyun kicked the remains of hay off his shoes before he was stopped by you. “ugh you’re so annoying.” he clicked his tongue. 

“nope, you’re not done until i am. we have to find materials for christmas wreaths at my grandpa’s up north.” you pointed at the mountains as you took hendery’s hands and soon mounted on jet with him.

“oh and i’m supposed to walk there while you’re so relaxed miss bossy?” jaehyun shook his head in disbelief looking at the distance.

“uh yes?” you laughed to yourself. “i don’t think you’ve ever ridden a horse before, but if ever you did, it’s probably at a carnival.”

sudden outbursts of emotions evident on his face now. “was i born under a rock? of course i’ve ridden!” he took the reins given to him by hendery. “and it’s not a carousel!”

for a while he had a certain confidence, his soles stepping on the stirrup and dimples deepening with the strength he gave to put his right leg over. but once that was done and high up off the ground, his heart beat an army per second. cash, hendery’s horse gave loud neigh. jaehyun had done this before as a child and definitely felt like one now. he should be able to handle a 30-minute journey.

jaehyun heard you giggling, perhaps he knew how hideous he looked. despite hendery seated behind you, you led the way for the most part of the ride. you were surprised to see jaehyun have gotten the hang of it. it pissed you a lot because he was vlogging with his phone— sputtering out words to keep the diss battle going. johnny and mark hopped on the available bikes, cycling on your sides, and their laughter rather calmed you than annoy you. 

it pissed you a lot more because you’ve practically ran out of ideas to tell him in return. keeping quiet wasn’t your forte, you were a young woman with plenty of things to say, even more so to jaehyun. going through the woods, you signalled hendery to halt the horse for you and the rest of the boys followed you to gather the materials needed. 

“this shouldn’t be too long to take.” jaehyun looked at the trees towering meters above him, then straight to you who was shaking head in disbelief. “we’re just taking the materials at your grandfather’s and head back, right?”

“did i mention my granddad?” you balanced yourself on large wood log. the tone of your voice started to warm up with bickers you weren’t able to tell him. 

“you did!” jaehyun anticipated this and somehow he didn’t. “now lead the way to his place and we can get the hell out of here.” his eyes grew squints of disgust at his surroundings, as if he hadn’t been into the forest before. his friends went on ahead with hendery around the woods to look for what’s needed.

“nah, we’re picking acorns, pine cones, berries and other leaves by hand. his cottage is just around here but that doesn’t mean the materials are from him. let’s go, whiney.” 

“oh my g-” jaehyun pulled you on the arm and off you went towards him. “y/n i’ve had enough for today and i’m so tired of taking your orders- i’m physically tired of doing things your way and i can’t think straight-”

“pecans?” you said as his eyes crossed to see your palms full of the shelled nuts. “you’re hungry, aren’t you? that’s why you’re so cranky and agitate-y.” placing one but onto a flat rock, you smashed it strong enough for it to crack yet not totally destroying the inside. you popped one into your mouth and gave the most taunting grin jaehyun has seen from you all day. 

he was about to grab the rest of the nuts until you swung your arm that he wasn’t able to reach them. “y/n! give me some!” he yelled and the rest of your friends look at you both after hearing you laugh in the most evil manner.

“never!” you scurried off deeper into the woods. jaehyun rolled his eyes not at how fast you were, but due to how slow he actually was because of the amount of disgust he had.

he knew this would take all day and he didn’t know how long his patience can take for another three weeks with you.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

jaehyun couldn’t describe in words with what he experienced since arriving. if he had to compare with school, it was similar to studying and cramming for hours non-stop. it gotten him mentally exhausted, physically too. but the only difference between being cooping up in his room and doing work outdoors was the continuous nagging from you. 

it was far from quiet. he could handle his mom’s high pitched yells. but you? anything that came from you or done by you made him want to plaster a duck tape on your lips. you were as annoying as a five year old child who looked for someone vulnerable to bully. unfortunately he became your prey because he was in your lands. and though there were times he was able to banter back, he always felt you still had the upper hand.

it was all sunny and good days out in the countryside and jaehyun found that fact the only bright side. he enjoyed it every single morning. yet sometimes good sunny mornings meets its bad, that is, when grey clouds destroyed the beauty of the sky. in this case, it was you. you were far from his dream girl— sue. she was elegant, poised and had a heart of gold. you were the complete opposite who’d rather be rogue and do things your way. other than completing ten christmas wreaths and feeding the horses or more farm work, he couldn’t remember what he did for the past eight days because all that entered his mind was the dictator you. 

but today he felt different, maybe things wouldn’t be as hard than last week. he felt good. he sat at the long dining table with all morning faces exposed. it was currently 7 a.m and your mom have already prepared breakfast. and per usual, you were the only one they waited for before they start the first meal. 

“marg, is your sister still asleep?” your mother put down a large casserole to warm up everyone’s stomach in winter. 

marg only shrugged because for one, she didn’t care, and two, she stated that it wouldn’t be her doing this since jaehyun was marrying you. “oh jaehyun. please do head upstairs to her room and awake y/n up.”

“and why do i have to do this?” jaehyun mumbled to himself and johnny nudged him on the arm. he groaned and got up, his stomps were heavy and unwilling. 

once he was in front of your door, he knocked twice loudly so he wouldn’t have to spend so much time to get you. there was a small tune playing in your room, like it was from a music box. the door was already opened. he peeped through the thin gap, seeing you still sleeping soundly. goodness’ sake, he thought, and entered the room since your mother was asking if he woken you up. 

your room was in fact, neat. all things were organised and arranged. if there was one thing he learned from you other than being an ass, was that you loved stuffed animals. not a hint of dolls or barbies or any toy displayed related to that spectrum. two lines of medals displayed and they all shone in gold. plaques had your names and young portraits of you with smiles of victory. hendery wasn’t lying when he said you were a professional. he wasn’t going to lie— you were impressive despite the little horns coming out of your head.

he stood next to your bed where you were all bundled in a huge blanket. he raised a brow, it was strange for you to have two thick blankets covering you. “hey y/n.”

no response. 

“y/n. wake up, your mom is calling for breakfast and you’re usually the first one seated at the table.” he wriggled your body with the butt of the umbrella and you didn’t budge.

“she baked croissants and aren’t they your favourite? dipped in chocolate ganache and sprinkles?” he tried sounding happy. note that, he tried.

this girl.. he bit the insides of his lips, spotting the markers in a cylinder container and took one to begin drawing on your face. his soft giggles filled your room and the strong scent of markers met your nostrils, waking you from your slumber. 

“what the he- jaehyun?!” you hissed at how close his face was to yours, failed to realising he was done drawing on your morning skin. “get away from me!”

everyone downstairs could hear the both of you, arguing like cats and dogs. each footstep might’ve covered the entire floor above them and the ceiling could give in. 

“you ruined my morning with your ugly face!” “what?! you’re more ugly, ugly!” “you entered my room?! you have no rights!” “breakfast’s ready and your mom asked me to!” “well my nose could’ve smelled mom’s food but i smelled your stinky breath instead!”

“whatever, i finished your share of croissants!” jaehyun quickly head down the staircase.

“you dare eat my food?!” you still had a blanket from head to toe as you followed him down. “no one takes my food!”

“your loss since you’re still in bed you lazy ass!” jaehyun sat beside johnny and continued his meal. “and you were snoring loud too-”

“i did not- agh!” you grumpily sat and immediately eyed the last croissant sitting at the center of the table. all eyes were on you with black ink scribbled on your face. 

there was an awkward silence then you felt jaehyun’s stare at the only food you wanted for breakfast. there was a back and forth battle of stares between you, him and the food. maybe it was the slow reflexes you have in mornings that jaehyun took the bread before you did. he stuck out a tongue as he deliciously ate half of it, chewing slowly just to let you imagine the flavours of sweet silky chocolate. you could feel yourself drooling and the cravings of your stomach rising up to your throat. every chew he did was a stab to your guilty-pleasure heart. 

jaehyun stopped and gave a smug grin. “you wanted this y/n?” his question sounding a song rather than an honest one. “all you have to do is beg.”

you gulped, rolling your eyes. “shut up!” you kicked his knee out of jealousy and savoured the soup instead. 

“ow!” he hissed through a laugh and looked at your mom. “mrs. y/f/n, i’d like to know the recipe for this. do you give lessons?” jaehyun licked the remains of chocolate around his lips, hopefully it was enough to cover up the violence you did under the table.

your mother giggled at his sweet talk. “why learn it from me when you have y/n to teach you?”

you choked on your soup and tear your gaze away from jaehyun to your mother, where she was already enjoying your shocked reaction. “oh give me a private lesson, bulldog terrier.” he propped his chin and mimicked clicks as if he was calling animal.

you quickly touched and rubbed your face to see the ink contaminate your fingers. the spoon reflected the dark circle around your right eye. “oh my g- you! this will be hard to remove!” the fork around your hand pointed directly at him. 

“y/n!” hendery put down your wrists as jaehyun laughed loud. you took the wet wipes marg gave you and whined a little whilst you stood by the mirror behind jaehyun.

“don’t be so bummed out honey.” your mom assured, giving a wink to jaehyun. “it’s a small prank. marg did it to you before.”

checking yourself for the last time at the mirror, you rolled your eyes. “i have enough patience for marg,” with one hand you cupped jaehyun’s lower face from the chin spreading to the cheeks, soon pinching hard on his dimples with a pointer finger and thumb. “but none for the human bread.”

“ow don’t touch me!” jaehyun swifted his head to look at you and he saw you flashed a smile like you were satisfied. 

“a human bread with molds. ew, i lost appetite so i’ll be out for a ride.” you stood up to grab your coat. “see ya ugly.”

“remember to you have to clean the barn house y/n!” your mom called out.

“yeah got that!”

johnny and mark bent their heads down and let their friends suffer from multiple dots on his faces. what made it funnier was that jaehyun munched happily on his meal, hadn’t gotten a single clue. he then eyed you when you passed the window and straight to the stables. “isn’t it too early for practice?” he drank his cup of hot chocolate. 

“she can ride all day. sometimes she doesn’t arrive home and the next morning you see her sleeping in the barn house.” marg tied her hair into a high bun. “the amount of dedication is there, except the passion she used to have isn’t really there anymore- hey!” she glared at hendery who gave her a warning look. 

what was that all about? jaehyun thought while his eyebrows met together and good thing it wasn’t obvious to your family. he was indeed curious, but he’d rather hear it from you than to look like a jerk who wanted to gossip about personal lives. the thing was, it’s you. though majority of the week was him suffering with workload, he liked to bicker with you until you gave up and had nothing to say. 

so far he recorded as 5-11 in terms of owning the other. the latter was his score and he was proud of it.

hendery’s phone vibrated and slid it to jaehyun’s place. jaehyun blinked to adjust his sight to the brightness of the phone. a sigh came out of his lips and the rest of them could tell it was another order from you. “ooh that doesn’t sound good.” mark slurped his soup. 

“it’s not.” jaehyun brushed his hair and hesitation slowly crept his body. “she asked me to clean the upper floor of the barn by the time she arrives.”

—

jaehyun massaged his wrists by twisting them. he looked at the barn house’ entrance because he noticed a figure approaching. you’ve had the best morning after jaehyun ruined it. as you rode, nothing beats the freshness of the cool wind. you love riding through the woods and grasslands. it sets you free from everything keeping you caged. your smile began to falter when you saw jaehyun who was not even halfway close to finishing. “you’re late. your mom had to apologise on your behalf because i’m doing the job for you.”

“ooh thanks! i’ll count on it!” you laid comfortably on a chair.

“hey!”

you leaned against the furniture, arms crossed where he was a floor above and standing at your 2 o’clock view. “dr. jeong it looks like you’re having a hard time. need help?” you stifled a laugh because he still has the ink marks you left on his face.

“on with the assumptions again, aren’t we?” he fixed his gloves and moved wooden planks from one place to another. 

“yeah you make yourself too easy of a target, jaehyun. and i thought you’re the type to not take things seriously.” you tied jet’s reins to a pole.

“you’re forgetting my condition number two, you can only badmouth me if the others are around. now get your flat butt up here and move the tool box aside so i can continue what i’m doing.” he grunted whilst lifting. 

dusting your pants, you were now standing a storey high. the sight of the height below you made you sick. jaehyun nudged your arm and you took the items blocking his way. you sighed and he noticed how fidgety you were. he put up a small smile. his entertainment from you didn’t end at the breakfast table. 

he scooted closer to you, pretending to bump into you with the pile of tall wooden planks in his arms. he heard you hiss, and that was the signal to begin. “oops didn’t see you there shorty.” there was a change in his voice, a more aggressive type of approach. 

“you’re doing that on purpose.” you checked the pained area of your forearm.

“what if i’m not? it could be an honest mistake.” he tilted his head away from the wood to see you.

a held-in soft disbelief laugh came out of your lips. “honesty doesn’t really blend in well with you.” 

jaehyun gasped with arched brows. “wow i’m very offended— you think this face..” he largely gestured himself. “would ever lie?”

“if you want to hear me saying you’re handsome.. it’s not happening.“ you took the rope to hang on a nail. 

“but you did say it.” he singsonged and you could push him off the loft but that could only happen in your head. 

“then that’s an honest mistake.” you flashed a forced smile at him. you carried the boxes stacked upon one another. “if you have a huge ego like that i bet you never dated. no girl would ever date you.” 

jaehyun fell silent, his mood to bash you suddenly changed. the shifts in his steps became heavier and as if he was putting his anger upon them. he didn’t like being reminded of sue, even if you unconsciously did so. “can’t you just keep quiet as you work? do you always have something to say? keep your damn mouth shut if you think all the fun you get is from belittling people.”

“okay sheesh sorry i didn’t know you have a heart for people too.” you removed your helmet to relieve the discomfort from it. 

as time passed— two hours to be exact, the more your guilt begin to seep in you. jaehyun never spoke after that. silence was like death at this point. not a hint of sniffs and sighs from him. did you go too far that he actually chose not to talk anymore? all you thought about was the pact he suggested. what now? anyone could appear any moment. 

this wasn’t like you at all. you hesitated to talk to him and to give the first move to bicker. you stood there staring at him piling boxes after boxes and sweeping the floor where dust accumulated like piles of sand. you bit your lips because screw this, you hated this atmosphere, you hated this silent treatment. “j-jaehyun?” you called out.

nothing. 

“hey-”

“hm? guilt eating you up now?” you froze at his voice as he chuckled. “it has, hasn’t it? look at your face!” he was laughing, his hands holding his ballooning stomach. “y/n you should’ve seen yourself!”

your gaze followed his hands that quickly took his phone placed at one corner. he was recording and your obliviousness blinded you. “oh you have no idea how much i wanted to laugh! my cheeks hurt so bad! hahaha!”

“you’re not using that to blackmail me!” you strided towards him.

he put his arm high as you struggled to reach it. “i might as well do that thanks for the idea!” faintly you heard his friends coming to check as to why their friend had the laughter of the century, only to find you both bickering again like this morning.

“delete that video jaehyun! i mean it!” “not until you agree to clean the loft!” “that’s like telling me to do everything!” “then that’s exactly what i’m telling you to do!”

johnny put up his phone to recording the struggling you and jaehyun enjoying his time to take advantage of his height. “dude i’ve never seen jaehyun this happy since sue broke up with him.”

“yeah his dimples are legit showing it’s scary me.” mark squinted at the two of you.

jaehyun swung his arms to avoid your attempted catches. he scrunched his nose and although that was undeniably cute, you couldn’t afford to feel humiliated for another two weeks. “jaehyun please delete it!”

“it’s not convincing enough you know?” “stop joking around we could fall!” you hissed. “fall?! then stop trying to get my phone!” “then put down your ridiculously long arm!” “yours are just too short!” “i swear— delete the footage!”

“you have to sound like you beg for it—” he cackled and with a few stretches you managed to reach his wrists as you lunged forwards. “oi stop!” that one last reach only made jaehyun lose his balance and fell backwards. 

and all you heard were yells of worry.

to say that you both gladly fell on soft pillows of hay was an understatement. at least that what it looked like to your friends. jaehyun was shocked, his arm felt numb. he took a good look at you and there you were laying on his arm with pale lips. “hey, you okay?” his hands were already out to help you. “y/n—”

“m’lady!” hendery rushed to you, causing jaehyun to flinch at the tone of his voice. he gently took your right arm, but you gritted your teeth and asked him to take the left. “painful?”

“not that serious.” you said, feeling the stares from jaehyun. “ew don’t look at me like that. i’m fine, really. let’s just call it a day.” you gave a small smile and he wasn’t buying it.

because jaehyun saw you clung onto hendery for dear life. 

[smolkooks]

how long, pt ii - j.jungkook

pairings: reader x jungkook, established relationship!au, non idol!au

word count: 1.6K

content and warnings: angst, low-key couple fight, breakup, mentions of cheating, heartbreak, mild cursing

summary: your nonchalance broke him more than anger ever could.

(note: please do not plagiarise my work! all character/idol representations are purely fictional! this is part two of ‘how long’...part i is linked here. sorry this took so long...hope you guys like it though <3)

my masterlist

***

You weren’t sure when you last saw Jungkook in the apartment.

It was odd; neither of you wanted to confront the conflict and so it had faded away into the background of your daily lives once more.

You spent hours curled up in bed before you fell asleep, crying—the only time you allowed yourself to think about him. It was stupid that you refused to talk to him—that he refused to talk to you—and you knew that. The relationship you’d once had was but an aching pain in your chest now, and you wondered if he felt the same, wherever he was going every night now.

Foolishly, you hoped that it wasn’t the other girl’s house, even though you knew it was the only other place he could go. His family was in Busan, his old friends had moved out of Seoul—the only other place he could go was hers.

Even your coworkers seemed to notice your drab mood which only seemed to deteriorate each day. As somebody who’d always been known to be the cheerful one in the office, it was odd to not be excited about things you’d once looked forward to.

Heartbreak worked in strange ways, you supposed.

The initial numbness wore off within a few days and it turned to a throbbing in your chest; a strange emptiness you hadn’t felt in a long time. Jungkook had always been by your side whenever you felt upset, and you hadn’t ever imagined that he’d become the causeof your pain rather than the one holding your hand through it.

You spent so much time alone now in your apartment that it gave you time to think about what you wanted to do next. You knew that you weren’t willing to forgive Jungkook—especially since he was so adamant on not apologising and facing you, given that he’d managed to avoid you for a whole week despite living at the same place. If you didn’t want to stay with him, then you’d have to find a new place, too, since this was his apartment…                                              

It must’ve been nine days after not seeing Jungkook that your phone lit up with a familiar name while you were having dinner after work, alone at the kitchen bench. The notification sound broke you out of your train of thought and you mindlessly glanced at the lit-up screen, only to straighten when you saw hisname. His contact name was still labeled as boyfriend with a pink heart emoji, and something inside of your chest twisted strangely. The pain was far duller than it’d been just a few days ago, almost as if it was distant. Like rather than being a thunderstorm, it was a passing raincloud in the town down the road.

hey, can we talk?

You heaved a sigh and turned your phone screen down, leaving his message without a response. You had been able to find another apartment you’d be able to afford—one close to your workplace and the centre of the city, but you would only be able to move into it next week. Maybe you should hear him out…at the very least.

And so, with another deep sigh, you took another bite of your food and then picked up your phone, typing out your response: yeah. i’m home.

His reply came almost instantly: okay

You turned your phone off and slipped it into your pocket, your stomach clenching in sudden nervousness. How would you even look at him now, knowing that he’d probably been with the other girl for a whole nine days without a single call or text to you?

You must have been lost in thought for far longer than you thought, because it was the rattle at the door and the huff of his jacket sleeves as he slipped it off and hung it onto the rack that finally snapped you out of your own head.

He didn’t say anything, and you heard his footsteps softly pad towards the kitchen wordlessly. Suddenly you weren’t sure where to look, and instead of looking at him as he approached you (you knew he was, you caught sight of his curly black hair in your peripheral), you fixed your gaze on your food, composing yourself.

You felt a tentative hand on your shoulder, and you finally looked up at him.

He looked like he always did. Your pretty koo, your rock, your best friend. His hair was undone from its usual tiny ponytail and his eyes were slightly lined with dark shadows, as if he hadn’t slept last night.

“Y/N,” He finally said, taking his hand off your shoulder and putting it back at his side.

You didn’t say anything. Just swallowed, waiting for him to sit. When he finally did, you responded, “Yes?”

He gulped, biting his lip nervously, “I…I mean…are you okay?”

“I’ve been doing fine,” You said shortly.

“That’s good.”

You didn’t reply; only returned your gaze back to your now-cold food, the silent as heavy as ever.

“I…I didn’t want to hurt you.”

When you didn’t say anything, he pushed ahead, “I love you more than anyone else, and I didn’t mean for you to find out in this way.”

You scoffed without glancing up, “You didn’t mean for me to find out at all. How long were you going to string me along for, Jungkook?”

“I wasn’t going to—,”

“You did,” You cut him off, finally glaring up at him coldly, “Were you going to make me be your fucking housewife, sitting home by myself, mopping your fucking floors, while you go and get drunk with other girls? I’m not stupid, Jungkook, I know where you were the whole of last week.”

He was suddenly silent as he looked at you, unable to reply, mouth running dry.

You saw him gulp but you ignored it.

“I know you were with her, while you left me here, alone,” You said, your voice breaking at the end. You still managed to get the rest of your words out, “I don’t believe you when you say you love me, Jungkook, because I don’t feel it.”

“Y/N…”

“Five months, Jungkook. How long have you been lying to me?”

He didn’t speak for a long moment, and you didn’t bother to break it—his silence was telling enough.

He was tearing up now, you noticed with the tiniest bit of emotion showing on your face—even though you tried your hardest to hide it. His eyes were becoming foggy, and as much as you wanted to pull him into your arms and tell him it was alright, you didn’t.

It wasn’t your place anymore.

He’d made that much clear.

“Y/N, please…I can make it right,” He whispered, his voice on the verge of breaking.

You paused, mulling his words over for a long moment, before saying with finality, “Good luck with that.”

His eyebrows furrowed, and his hands began to shake as he caught onto your tone and implication, “W-what do you mean?”

“I’m leaving, Jungkook,” You told him, “I’m moving out next week.”

You watched—watched as the emotions washed over his features, one after the other. His hopeful, composed expression fell first, crumbling as he took in the reality of the situation and the unfaltering truth in your eyes and tone.

He didn’t move, only stared at you—first at your eyes, as if trying to search for any sign of hesitation or reluctance, and then at your unsmiling, firmly-pressed lips, and then finally his gaze turned to your hands—unfolded over the desk, palms flat on the table.

He gulped before he softly said, “Oh.” His voice was so small you barely registered it, so different to his usual, cheerful, enthusiastic voice—not that you would know anymore, seeing as you hadn’t heard it for a long time.

He was gone—emotionally, mentally, then finally physically—for so long you forgot what he feltlike—what he sounded like, truly.

“Yeah.”

There was no more malice in your tone. You didn’t have energy for bitterness or anger, or jealousy anymore. All there was was emptiness, the lack of anything and everything, that you felt through your heart and bones.

There was nothing.

“You’re breaking up with me?”

Those words snapped you. Despite your previous calm, you felt a storm pass through your gaze and you swear you saw him shrink back a little at the change in your expression.

You scoffed, your hands angrily fisting, “You broke up with me, the moment you decided to hurt me like you have. Like you are doing, right now, pinning this situation on me.”

He said nothing, only watching as your eyes became lined with frustrated silver, and he felt his own begin to tear up, too, as he took in your absolutely broken form and voice.

“I’m sorry.”

It was your turn to be silent, not bothering to mull over his apology as you simply stood up, taking your plate with you. The only sound in the apartment was the soft rumbling of the airconditioning, and the clinking of your cutlery as you tucked your chair in, “It’s too late for us, Jungkook.” You said without meeting his eyes so that he wouldn’t see your quiet tears. You slowly made your way to the kitchen to wash your dishes, “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“No, I will.”

“Okay.”

Your nonchalance broke him more than your anger ever could. You were always so bubbly, so energetic and loving. Jungkook knew he didn’t deserve that anymore, not with how badly he had destroyed your heart.

He simply stood in place, numb, as you finished cleaning your dishes and made your way to the bedroom.

He didn’t see your face, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” He said.

You silently shut the bedroom door and didn’t reply.

[dannystattoo]

‘tis the damn season

Pairing: Jamie x Dani (The Haunting of Bly Manor)

Word Count: 7,191

Warnings: None, other than it’s a little cheesy. Also, I haven’t written anything in five years, so if I’m a little rusty, sorry ‘bout that. 

AU, Dani and Jamie broke up, Dani goes back to America and finds herself back in England for Hannah and Owen’s wedding (this is my AU and I refuse to let Hannah die). Of course, the au pair and the gardener cross paths and hometown yearning AU comences. Loosely based on the song “tis the damn season” by Taylor Swift, but it took on it’s own life after a bit.   Also, image above is not mine 

It had been years since Dani had set foot in the countryside near Bly Manor, let alone anywhere in England. Her au pair job hadn’t worked out, so she’d gone back to America. Then again, to say the job itself hadn’t worked out was a bit of a misstatement. The job had always been fine and the kids had been, as Flora would say “perfectly splendid” (after the whole possession thing, anyway). No, the real problem was she had been foolish enough to fall for someone else who worked at the Manor alongside her.

After everything that happened with the Lady in the Lake, everyone had understandably left Bly Manor. Henry took guardianship of the children, though Dani still helped care for them quite often. Owen and Hannah finally gotten their chance to move back to Paris for a time before coming back to the countryside to be closer to Owen’s mother. Owen had also finally opened the restaurant he’d always dreamt of, which had been a massive success.  This left Dani and Jamie, who moved closer to town, specifically to Jamie’s apartment over the “boring old pub”. Some might say things moved a little quickly, but given everything that had taken place over the summer, it seemed like the logical next step. Staring death in the face really has a way of bringing people together after all. They’d opened The Leafling after sometime and everything seemed perfect, at least for the first year anyway.

While it was true the events at Bly Manor had brought Jamie and Dani to realize how strong their feelings for each other truly were, dealing with the aftermath of those events presented some challenges to say the least. Despite having escaped the Lady in the Lake, Dani had a constant, nagging worry she was going to come back for her at any moment. Try as she might to move on with life, to enjoy her newfound romance with the gardener, she simply couldn’t. She was always sleeping with one eye open, looking behind her everywhere she went, constantly fearing Viola would come not only for her, but possibly Jamie as well. Or worse yet, knowing that Viola could possess her victims, what if she caused Dani to bring any harm to Jamie? In the end, her fears and worries caused her  to distance herself from Jamie. Jamie did everything she could to let Dani know she didn’t need to do this, that whatever happened, they were in it together, but Dani couldn’t bring herself to listen.

One night, Dani dreamt that Viola had overtaken her completely. Viola used Dani as a vessel to continue unleashing rage and carnage on the world, and forced Dani to strangle Jamie in her sleep. Even after waking and being assured by her girlfriend numerous times it was only a dream; she was fine, they were fine, everyone was fine, it didn’t matter. Dani broke things off a few days later, not giving any explanation even though they both knew the reason. The two had gone their separate ways, both completely heartbroken. Dani convinced herself everyday she’d done the right thing. She tried to continue living in Essex for a while, but in the end, she went back stateside, trying her hardest to leave all the trauma of Bly behind.

That was two years ago. Now here she was, driving back into the town she’d run so far to get away from. Hannah and Owen were getting married after how many years of pining after each other. Despite knowing she’d have to face Jamie again after cutting contact two years before, there was no way she would miss out on the wedding. As she rode in the back of the car Henry had kindly arranged to come pick her up, she began to pick up on familiar sights through fogged up windows. Then she saw it: the pub, and if she saw the pub, that meant Jamie’s apartment was just above it. Well, what had been her apartment anyway. It had been a while and it was entirely possible she’d moved out of there by now. Was she even still in Bly? Why did she care so much? She was the one who had broken things off and had convinced herself that both she and Jamie were better off.  

Her question was answered pretty quickly though; at least she thought it was. While she couldn’t see her face, Dani saw the silhouette of a woman with dark shoulder length curls, dressed very similarly to how she knew Jamie to dress. Dani felt a longing ache the second she made the connection. The woman looked back at the passing car and for a second, Dani could have sworn the two of them made eye contact. It was almost certainly Jamie, and this was proof that Dani wasn’t truly over her despite pretending everyday.

At that very moment, Jamie was indeed heading up to her apartment. The flower shop had been closed for the day, a little early due to the obligations that went along with Hannah and Owen’s upcoming wedding. She was leaving the store in the complete care of one of the associates she’d hired on after Dani left - it was the first time she’d left the store in someone else’s hands for more than a day or two and she couldn’t stop overthinking through the list of things she’d dreamt up to go wrong. Her anxiety over the upcoming wedding wasn’t helping any either. Owen had given fair warning that Dani would be invited to the wedding, and a few weeks ago she’d received confirmation that Dani was coming over from America just for the occasion.

Jamie would be lying if she said she didn’t still have feelings for Dani. She tried every god damn day to remind herself of all the pain the au pair had caused her, running out when Jamie wanted nothing more than to be there for her. It never worked though; she’d remember everything Dani was going through at the time and Jamie would find herself justifying her actions, justifying her distancing herself, justifying her leaving as abruptly as she did. Jamie had tried going on a few dates since their breakup, but no one had ever caught her attention beyond a few dates and that regrettable one night stand shortly after Dani left. It also didn’t help that the lesbian population of the town was almost non-existent. That’s how she found herself being set up with one of Hannah’s friend’s sisters a while back, who was now her plus one. If she was being honest, Jamie would have much preferred to go alone as she didn’t see this relationship going anywhere. However, the conversation of going to the wedding together had come up months ago, Jamie had mentioned it to her way too soon, and now here she was stuck in this predicament.  God, how she wished this weekend would just be over already.

As Jamie began to ascend the steps to her apartment, she saw a car pass by, one with a woman who looked suspiciously like Dani in the backseat. She experienced such a longing ache, not unlike the one Dani had experienced at the same moment. She swore they made the briefest eye contact, but she couldn’t be sure. It was probably her imagination playing tricks on her. Seeing as the rehearsal dinner was in just a few hours, she’d have see Dani sooner than later anyway.

When Dani arrived at the Wingraves, who had offered to host her on her stay, no one was home - Henry would be at work for a few more hours and the kids were still a little while out from being finished with school. There was a spare key left under the mat that Dani used to let herself in. She dropped her stuff in the spare bedroom she’d used on numerous occasions before while watching the children and decided she didn’t want to sit in the house and think about how much she was dreading seeing her ex again after the way things had ended. She decided to change and walk to the quaint downtown area to grab some food, seeing as she was starving after the long flight. Dani should have realized that going downtown would only make her more likely to run into Jamie. On some level, maybe it’s what Dani was hoping for. Within minutes, the two ran into each other.

“Pop-Dani, that you?”

“Um, yeah, yeah it is,” Dani said awkwardly, clearly not expecting to run into Jamie so soon.

“What brings you out this way?”Jamie asked after a few moments of uncomfortable silence.

“I just got into town a little bit ago. Figured I’d come and get some food before the Wingraves get back to the house - you know, after the long flight and all.”

“The kids will be happy to see you, I reckon.”

“I sure hope so, it’s been a while,” Dani paused for a moment. “So what about you? What are you doing out this way?”

“I mean, I still live in the same apartment just down the street, but I was getting everything ready for tonight, realized I needed to run to the drug store and pick up a few things.” Dani simply nodded.

“Would you, um, would you want to -“ Dani gestured to the restaurant, her mouth clearly working faster than her brain. It took Jamie a second to register what she was asking, especially given the last time they’d seen each other.

“Oh - no, much as I’d love to, I really need to freshen up before tonight. I think I may be having drinks with a…friend of Hannah’s before dinner. A friends she’s been trying to set me up with for ages.”

Dani nodded, having no idea how to respond. Not that she hadn’t expected Jamie to move on after their breakup, but she was more upset about her mentioning this than she could have anticipated, especially as casually as she did. She knew she was overreacting, but if Dani had wanted to know what was going on in Jamie’s love life since she’d left, she would have asked.

“Ok. Well, I hope that works out for you,” Dani finally said after a moment. “I guess I’ll um, I guess I’ll see you at dinner tonight?”

“Yeah, i’ll see you at dinner.”

The rehearsal dinner was painful, much more painful than Dani could have imagined. Sure, it had been wonderful to see Owen and Hannah after so many years, but as always happens with weddings, it’s impossible to see the couple for more than a few minutes. She tried her best to enjoy her time with Henry, Flora, and Miles, but it was hard to do seeing Jamie there with another woman. The restaurant was small and there was nowhere to get away. It also didn’t help that the kids, too young to really understand that the two would not want to see each other, had a way of continually calling Jamie’s attention over to their table. Both women were doing their best to act as though they weren’t both horribly uncomfortable. Thankfully the second the food was served, all the mingling came to a halt and the gardener and the au pair were seated on opposite sides of the room once again; and once dinner was through, the party dissipated rather quickly as they would be losing the event space soon -thank god.

Dani was beyond ready to get back to the house, but she stupidly offered to stay and help clean up the banquet room. She tried to look on the bright side, telling herself it might afford her a few more minutes to catch up with her old friends. Clean up was quick, and before they knew it, they were dumping the last of the loose ends in the back of Owen’s car.

“Dani! Glad I caught you before you left,” Hannah approached as Dani, who was trying to wrestle an usually large gift bag into the trunk. “Any plans for the rest of the night?”

“Can’t say that I have any- why, what do you have up your sleeve?”

“Nothing much, we thought it might be fun to have a small nightcap at the pub downtown. It’s so disappointing you traveled all this way after so long and I’ve barely been able to chat with you. It’s absolutely expected, but still.”

Dani thought on it for moment, nearly declining as she knew Jamie would likely be invited too and there’d be no getting away from each other in the pub. However, her desire to spend some time with those who had become like family to her over that summer at Bly won out, and she accepted the invitation.

“I think I could swing that. Are you heading straight over?”

“Yeah, there’s nothing that needs to go back to the flat right away. Will you need a ride there? I think there may be space in the backseat as long as you don’t mind wedging yourself in there,” Hannah offered.

“That would be great. I left my jacket and my bag in the banquet room, do you mind if I run and grab them? ”

“Take your time, I think Owen has to take care of another thing or two.”

Dani headed back inside and who should be standing in the middle of the banquet room but Jamie. She was alone though, something Dani hadn’t expected.

“Hey,”Jamie greeted her.

“Hey…I’m just coming to grab my stuff,” Dani said, making her way over to her belongings. She knew she shouldn’t ask, but her curiosity go the better of her.

“So what happened to your date?” she ventured.

“Oh, she left,” Jamie shrugged. “To be honest, I would have been fine doing the whole weekend alone, but you know how it is. Friend tries to set you up with one of their friends, you casually mention the wedding you’re both conveniently invited to, and before you know it, you’ve committed to be her date even though it’s pretty clear nothing’s ever gonna happen between you two.”

“Drinks tonight was just…I don’t know, giving her another chance, I guess,” Jamie explained after noticing Dani’s inquisitive look. “I can’t say it hasn’t been lonely around here since you left. Anyway though, what about you? Anyone waiting over in the states?”

“No, can’t say that there is. I mean, my mother’s been trying to find me a nice boy since i’ve been back but she doesn’t know about the whole gay thing,” Dani explained. “Anyway, I’m assuming you’re going to the nightcap down at pub?”

“Wouldn’t miss it, especially since I live right upstairs. Do you have a ride out that way?”

“Owen and Hannah offered to take me, but I’m not sure they actually have room for me in their car.”

“I can drive you over if you want?” Jamie offered. Dani knew it was probably against her better judgement to accept, but in that moment everything felt just as it had years before. It was comfortable.

“Yeah, that would be great actually.”

From the minute the two women got in Jamie’s pickup, it was as though the last two years had never happened. Once the ice had been broken, it felt like home, though neither of them would admit it. To Dani, it felt even more so once she was at the bar, finally able to chat with Hannah and Owen, hear about their adventures in Paris, and everything they’d been up to since the au pair had last seen them. At that moment, surrounded by her found family from Bly, Dani had no idea why she’d left. Despite everything that had happened here, she couldn’t say she’d ever felt more at home than with these people. For the first time since she’d returned, Dani actually felt at ease. The copious amount of alcohol she’d had since arriving probably also had a bit to do with that.

As the evening wore on, Dani noticed that she and Jamie seemed to be gravitating closer and closer in the small both their group was seated at. All night though, Dani reminded herself it was probably just the alcohol and nothing more. After their long and complicated history, nothing good could come from rekindling their connection. She also had to remind herself she didn’t live here anymore; she had to go back to the States next week. Despite everything she was telling herself, after a few strong drinks and out of instinct, Dani found her hand brushing Jamie’s thigh. Exactly how she used to.  Once she realized what she was doing, she quickly recoiled her hand. Jamie looked over at her, though she didn’t look upset.

“I’m so sorry,” Dani quickly apologized.

“You know, I really don’t mind, Poppins.” Jamie was just getting confirmation of what she’d known all along, even though she tried to pretend it wasn’t the case: she’d never moved on from Dani and honestly, she didn’t want to. Now it was her turn to act against her better judgement. She reached her hand out, fingers grazing Dani’s. She immediately began to think about what a terrible idea this is, but before she could think about it too much, she could feel Dani’s fingers intertwining with hers.  Sure, Dani would be leaving next week. Jamie knew she was setting herself up to get her heart broken all over again. In that moment though, with the love of her life back, if only for the weekend, she didn’t care.

They hadn’t planned it, but Dani, Jamie, Owen, and Hannah stayed at the pub until they were kicked out at close. Some of the other folks who had been invited trickled out earlier, but those four could have stayed for hours more if they were able.

“It’s a damn good thing the wedding isn’t tomorrow, huh?” Jamie laughed.

“You can say that again,” Owen agreed. “Putting a day between the rehearsal and the wedding was one of the best decisions we could have made. Then again, it was fully Hannah’s idea and she known to be full of good ones.”

“Oh stop,” Hannah laughed. “Are you all ok to get home?”

“I just have to go upstairs,” Jamie said. “What about you guys? I know you don’t have far to go, but is one of you able to drive back?”

“I stopped drinking ages ago, I’ll be fine to get us home. Dani, do you want a ride back to the Wingraves?” Owen asked.

“If you don’t mind. I know they live really out of the way but -“

“Did you want to stay here?” Jamie volunteered. The other three looked at her, all equally shocked.

“It just seems easier, is all. I mean, the Wingraves are what, almost thirty minutes away now? It doesn’t make sense for you guys to drive all that way when you’re only five minutes down the road.”

“Jamie, if you’re sure, that sounds great,” Dani said. After saying their goodbyes, the pairs parted ways.

Dani and Jamie made their way up the stairs, stumbling slight as neither of them had sobered up yet.

“Where am I gonna sleep? Your place isn’t that big,” Dani pointed out.

“You good on the sofa?”

“I mean, yeah, I’ll take it but that sofa’s terrible.”

“For your information, I’ve got a new one since you ran off. ‘is better, I swear.”

“I guess it’ll do,” Dani playfully rolled her eyes.

Being back in Jamie’s apartment - what had once been their apartment - was weird. It was slightly uncomfortable, as she couldn’t stop replaying the last time she’d  set foot in this house. On the other hand, just like so many other things over the past few hours, she felt at home. She could still remember all the details of the apartment, noticing what had changed and what had remained the same. Sure enough, there was a new couch in the middle of the living room. Dani plopped down on the sofa, not even bothering to take her shoes off.

“You want to change into something a little more comfy, Poppins?”

“Huh?” Dani looked up at Jamie, already half asleep. She looked down and realized she was indeed still wearing the dress and heels she’d worn to dinner. “I would, but I don’t have anything here. I’ll survive til tomorrow morning.”

“Nonsense - that dress looks amazing on you, but please don’t try to sleep in it. Come ‘ere, let me get you something else.”  Jamie led Dani to her room and went into her dresser drawer. She pulled out a baggy t-shirt and tossed it over to Dani.

“Will that be ok?” Jamie asked.

“This is perfect. Is the bathroom still where it used to be?…I’m sorry, that was such a dumb question, of course your bathroom’s still in the same place. I’m still drunk, I’m sorry. I’m um, I’m gonna go change.” Dani disappeared to the bathroom. Jamie couldn’t help but chuckle to herself. God, she’d missed Dani.

“Damn it, she ran out on you,” Jamie muttered to herself, trying to stop herself from getting too attached to the idea anything might happen between them this weekend. After Jamie changed, she sat on the bed and waited for Dani to finish up in the bathroom.

Oh, fuck, Jamie thought as she looked up and saw Dani emerging from the bathroom. She forgot how good Dani looked wearing her nightshirts and how much of a turn on it was. Unbeknownst to her, similar thoughts are running through Dani’s head. The two sat and stared at each other, clearly both wanting to make a move, but neither having the courage to do it.

Dani moved first, crossing to the other side of the room, grabbing Jamie’s hands and pulling them to her waist. Before Jamie could process what was happening, Dani’s lips were on hers and she found herself leaning into it. After moment though, she forced herself to pull back.

“Dani, we can’t.”

“Ugh, god I’m sorry. I don’t know…I don’t know why I did that. i mean, I do, but I shouldn’t have -“

“No, it’s not that I didn’t want you to,” Jamie sighed. “I’ve been wanting that since you got  here. We’re both drunk though, I can’t do this while we’re drunk. Not to mention we didn’t exactly end on good terms, but that’s not a discussion for right now.”

Dani was silent, though nodding in agreement. After a moment of awkward silence, she started walking towards the bedroom door.

“I’m just um, I’m just gonna go in the living room. I saw some blankets out there, I’ll make myself comfy. G’night, thanks for letting me crash with you.”

“Wait, Dani - would you…would you want to stay in here tonight? I know I shouldn’t do this and I can’t help but think I’m just going to end up getting myself hurt, but god Dani, I’ve missed you.” Dani started at her for a moment, shocked by Jamie’s offer.

“God, I’m sorry, I just made this weirder than it already is. Please, you can say no.”

“I actually wanted to say yes. Are you sure it’s ok?” Jamie nodded, shifting over so there was room for Dani on the bed with her. She made sure to stick to her side of the bed, not daring to cross to Dani’s side right now. Her body fought sleep for a little while before she eventually faded off.

It took the au pair even longer to fall asleep. She had started sobering up and couldn’t stop overthinking the events of the evening. She’d had an amazing time, but this was a mistake. Not only was she clearly going to hurt herself, but now that she knew Jamie hadn’t been able to date anyone since their breakup, she knew whatever happened would likely hurt them both. The more she thought about it, the more she just wished Jamie would have just been dating that other woman. Sure it would have sucked, but at least she wouldn’t have found herself in the predicament she was in now. After what felt like an eternity, Dani eventually fell asleep, her mind still racing.

A few hours later, the sun started poking in through the curtains. Dani woke up, nowhere near rested. It couldn’t have been more than a few hours since she’d finally fallen asleep. It also felt she’d been hit by a train. She saw the clock on the nightstand said it was just after 7:00AM and while she wanted to go back to sleep, the pounding headache from her hangover wasn’t allowing her to do that. Dani tried to roll over and make her way to the bathroom to see if she could dig up any pain reliever. She knew where it was once upon a time, hopefully Jamie hadn’t reorganized her bathroom. It was a struggle to get up though; while they had been sleeping, both Jamie and Dani had migrated towards the middle of the bed. Legs were completely tangled and Jamie’s arm had ended up around Dani’s waist. She tried to move it away gently, trying not to wake Jamie in the process.

“Babe, come back to bed,” Jamie said, still very clearly half asleep. Dani sighed when she heard that.

“Sure, call me babe for the weekend,” Dani said under her breath, quiet enough Jamie couldn’t hear her. She returned to bed, hoping that with some relief for her hangover, she’d be able to get a little more sleep. Once again, her mind wouldn’t let her sleep. Watching Jamie sleep, all Dani could think of was the constant regret of running away. The road not travel looked real good now.

Jamie woke up a few hours later to an empty bed. God, how had she slept til noon? She supposed staying out until the wee hours of the morning had something to do with it.  She momentarily forgot Dani had stayed over, but as soon as she remembered she got out of bed to see where the au pair had gone.

“Dani?” she called out.

“I’m in the kitchen! Did you want breakfast? I made eggs and coffee.”

“Sounds great, thanks. How’d you sleep?”

“Pretty well,” Dani lied. “I woke up with a pounding headache around seven though, and couldn’t get back to sleep.”

“So that’s why I heard up and about so early. Do you need anything?”

“Nah, I found some ibuprofen and I’m feeling a lot better. The coffee helped too. Do you still take yours with a lot of cream, a little sugar?”

“Uh, yeah,” Jamie was surprised Dani still remembered that after all this time.

“What about you? How did you sleep?”

“Really well once I fell asleep. So what are your plans for the day?”

“I need to get back to the Wingraves. I told Flora and Miles we’d spend the day together today. I should actually go start getting myself presentable again and get going.”

“Do you have a ride out there?” Jamie asked. “I can take you if you need.”

“Only if it isn’t too much trouble. I talked to Henry this morning and he said he can come out here if I need, but I know he has to bring the kids with him if he comes out -“

“It’s ok, Dani, I’ll drive ya. I don’t have anything else going on.” The gardener wouldn’t admit this was also a ploy to spend more time with Dani.

“That would be great if you don’t mind. I’m going to go freshen up and we can go whenever you want.” With that, Dani headed to the bathroom, leaving Jamie alone with her thoughts.  

She couldn’t believe how easily she and Dani had just fallen back into it as if the last two years hadn’t happened. The last twenty four hours were something Jamie could have only dreamt about: falling asleep and waking up with Dani beside her, enjoying breakfast together, the domestic monotony she’d taken for granted before. Jamie found herself longing for things to be like this again all the time; even after Dani leaving how she did, there was still no one who could make Jamie feel the way she did. She would have loved to have been able to just ask Dani to stay- hell, she wished Dani would ask her to go back to Vermont, where she’d learned Dani had been for the last two years. She would have considered it. But neither of those things would happen and Jamie knew it was probably for the best. Either would be a mess. Her musings were interrupted by the bedroom door opening, Dani emerging looking as put together as she had upon arriving at dinner last night.

“Well you clean up pretty nice for someone who was nursing a hangover all morning,” Jamie said, perhaps a little more flirtatious than she’d anticipated. “Let me just brush my teeth and throw on some pants and we can go.”

The pair went downstairs, loading into Jamie’s truck. This time it was Dani reminiscing about the past, thinking how right all of this still felt to her; sitting in the comfortable silence, the radio playing in the background, the countryside winding out the window. Even after all this time, Dani still felt right at home. Now that she was back, she couldn’t help but think that in trying to do right by Jamie, she’d ruined everything.

“You know, I don’t know if I’ve said it yet, but I’ve really missed you,” Dani broke the silence.  Jamie didn’t immediately respond, trying to figure if now was the time to pour her heart out.

“Dani, I can’t begin to tell you how much I’ve missed you, but I can’t just pretend like you didn’t just push me away for months and then run off to another country with no explanation.”

“You know why I did what I did. I know that doesn’t make it any better, but I couldn’t live with the thought of possibly hurting you.”

“Don’t you see that’s exactly what you did anyway?”

“You know what I meant. I was scared, still convinced the Lady of the Lake wasn’t done with me yet. Do you now how many I times I dreamt that she would take over me and hurt you? Would take over me and kill you? I couldn’t live with myself it that happened!”

“If you’d have talked to me about any of this, I would’ve helped you.”

“I did tell you.”

“No, no you didn’t. Well you did, but you mentioned it and then you pulled away from me.”

“And trust me, if I could change that now, I would. I can’t though, and the most I hoped to get out of this weekend was that you didn’t absolutely hate me.”

“I don’t think I can hate you. By all accounts, I should hate you. But here I am, getting drunk with you, letting you stay at my apartment, letting you sleep in my fucking bed. I have tried, trust me I have tried to date other people, but it always just come right back to you and I know the only heart I’m breaking the entire time is my own,” Jamie felt her voice crack and took a breath, determined not to get into this conversation right now.

“I know there’s nothing I can really say, but I do just want to let you know I’m sorry for what I did, for leaving you how I did. I mean it when I say if I could take it all back in hindsight, I would.”

“Well, you can’t. Listen, Dani, I don’t want to get into this conversation right now. Last night was amazing, we’ll have a great time at the wedding tomorrow, and then you’ll go back home, I’ll be here, and it’ll be like this whole weekend never happened. I can’t ask you to stay and even if I wanted to, I can’t go back with you. So where does that leave us? Things are already getting messy as it is and you know it.”

Dani just sighed, knowing Jamie was right. They sat back in silence after this, except it was no longer comfortable. Both women had finally gotten to speak the words they’d been holding onto for the last two years, both knowing it wouldn’t change anything.

After what felt like hours, though it couldn’t have been more than 20 minutes, the pickup pulled up in front of the Wingrave’s home.

“Here’s your stop. So I’ll, um, I’ll see you for the wedding tomorrow I guess?”

“Yep, I guess so,” Dani said as she headed towards the house.

“Dani!” Jamie called before driving away.

“Yeah?”

“I just…i have to ask, did you ever see her again?” Jamie couldn’t help herself, she had to know.

“Huh?”

“Did you ever see her again? After Bly?”

“Oh,” Dani realized she was asking about Viola. “No, actually and honestly that just makes the fact I left hurt even more.”

Jamie nodded before saying a quick goodbye and the two parted ways until tomorrow.

The next afternoon, Dani rode out to town with the Wingraves. The mood was overall very light, everyone excited to see some happiness come from their hellish time at Bly Manor. Dani should have been excited too, and she was - excited for her friends at least. After yesterday, she’d been feeling pretty shitty about things with Jamie, even more so than usual. Maybe it was finally learning exactly how much pain she’d caused, maybe it was the fact that Jamie seemed to put the final nail in the coffin with their conversation yesterday. Then again, what did she expect? That Jamie would just ask her to come back to England for good? That Jamie would be willing to leave The Leafling and come back to Vermont with her? The more she thought about it, the more laughable it seemed. The other night was beginning to feel like a drunken mistake. For a few hours yesterday morning, she stupidly believed any of the above could have been possible. A distant possibility, sure, but a possibility no less. She tried to put it out of her head and try her best to have a good time. It was a happy day after all.

Dani had finally gotten in a little bit better headspace upon arriving at the small church where the ceremony was taking place, but that changed quickly when she realized where they were. This was a part of town she knew well, one she was in almost as much as the area near Jamie’s flat and all the memories came rushing back. Right next to the church was the school where Flora and Miles had gone for a year before Henry found a more permanent home for them in the country. She’d attended a fair number of school plays and sporting events there that year.  A little further down was the gas station she distinctly remembered stopping at with Jamie when they had taken a road trip a few hours out into the country for their first anniversary, right before everything went to shit. She remembered stopping to stock up on junk food, the euphoria of finally having some time just the two of them after what she remembered had been a hellishly busy month. There was the restaurant they would end up at quite often after both of them had worked a full day and didn’t feel like cooking; the video store they frequented. God, everything in this area reminded her of what she and Jamie had, what they could have continued to have if she hadn’t fucked it all up.

“Dani, are you coming?” Flora’s voice broke her thoughts, Dani hadn’t even realized she’d been zoning out.

“Yeah, sorry. I was miles away, but here I come!”

“Doesn’t it all just look perfectly splendid?”

“It does Flora, it really does.”

The ceremony was small and short, but beautiful. Once everything wrapped, Hannah and Owen disappeared for more photos while everyone else began to migrate towards the venue that would be hosting the reception. Dani noticed Jamie wasn’t placed at the same table as her and the Wingraves, which she had expected, especially after the other night. The au pair hadn’t seen the gardener yet, at least nothing more than making eye contact across the church. Dani did take note that Jamie didn’t appear to be with a date like she’d said. Just as Dani was thinking this, Jamie appeared at the table.

“You lot don’t happen to have room for one more person here, do you?”

“Eh, I guess we can find a place for you,” Dani joked, knowing full well there was more than enough space.

“Thank god. I forgot to update Hannah on the whole date situation and how after things ended at the rehearsal dinner, I would not be attending with Morgan after all. However, since she was unfortunately invited to the wedding before we agreed to go together, we were still sat at the same table.”

“Yikes. Well, we’re happy to take in a stray.”

“Jamie! I’m so excited to be able to sit with both of you tonight!” Flora exclaimed after seeing there was one additional guest at their table. “Oh this is splendid - does this mean Dani’s back and you’re together again?”

“Not quite, squirt,” Dani laughed, “but it’ll be good for us all to spend some time together tonight, I think.” Flora nodded, content with that answer,

“Ah, if only it were that easy,” Jamie mused.

“Yeah, if only. You wanna go find the bar?”

“Please. I thought you’d never ask.”

The entire rest of the evening was wonderful. Dinner and dessert were delicious, but with the team from Owen’s restaurant catering, who would have expected anything else? The toasts were lovely, the music had been perfectly chosen with wordless melodies to set the mood while dinner was happening and some great dance music for afterwards. Before everyone knew it, it was nearing midnight and people were beginning to trickle out.

“So…is this it?” Dani asked.

“I reckon it might be,” Jamie sighed. “Listen, I would be lying if I said I hadn’t been dreading seeing you since Owen told me you’d bought your plane ticket and would be coming, but this weekend has actually been a lot of fun.”

“It really has. Thank you for still being willing to spend time with me. After everything I wouldn’t have blamed you if you wanted nothing to do with me.”

“Like I said yesterday, I don’t have it in me to hate you, Poppins. Thank you for an unexpectedly enjoyable weekend.” The two stood in silence for a moment before Jamie spoke up again.

“I know it’s completely against my better judgment, but would you want to come over again tonight? Honestly the company the other night was nice.”

“I shouldn’t,” Dani declined. “Trust me, I would love that more than anything, but I can’t. I know we had that conversation about it never working out between us yesterday and it’s not fair to either of us if I come over tonight and who knows what happens from there. Plus you’re still a little drunk. If you were completely sober would you have asked me to stay the night?”

“Probably,” Jamie shrugged.

“How are you getting home, by the way? Don’t tell me you’re driving?”

“Nah, awkwardly enough, Morgan still gave me a ride here today.  Even though we weren’t going together anymore, she still offered to drive me. You know how much I hate being DD for weddings, so I still took her up on it. Though she uh, seems to have left the party already.”

“Let me find Henry, I’m sure he would be willing to give you a ride back home if you needed.” Dani ran off and returned a few minutes later. Henry was saying his goodbyes to a few other folks from around town, as well as trying to separate the kids from their newfound group of friends that consisted of the few other children who had been at the reception.

“He said it’s fine, he wants to know you get home safely too. Before we get ganged up on by kiddos who are on an obscene sugar high, I wanted to ask if you have any plans for the rest of the week?”

“Just work as far as I can think,” Jamie said.

“Good. I’m sure I mentioned it before, but when I said I was coming over for the wedding, the Wingraves asked if I’d want to stay for a little bit longer, spend some time with the kids. Thing is, if you happened to have any more free days, I’d love to see you another time or two if it worked out.”

“I would love that,” Jamie said. “Do you still have my phone number, maybe we can hash out details tomorrow?”

“It’s very possible I still have it memorized.” Dani stuck her hand out, fingers grazing Jamie’s for the second time in three days. Jamie grabbed her hand right back. They both knew this felt right, maybe their relationship could be salvaged after all. They also knew it was too soon to know, but there was hope. Jamie pulled Dani a little closer, about ready to go in for a kiss, when she was interrupted.

“I thought you said you weren’t dating anymore?” Miles asked.

“We’re not,” Dani said, not wanting to give the kids any false hope that they’d be seeing significantly more of her in their lives again.

“But you were going to kiss, weren’t you?”

“Miles, none of your business,” Henry interjected. “Everyone ready to head out?” Everyone nodded in agreement and made their way out into the chilly evening to the car. Dani could hear that Flora and Miles were walking a little farther behind the group and apparently hadn’t dropped the conversation of Dani and Jamie dating once again.

“Wasn’t that night just so much fun, Miles? I just love weddings. Well, I loved this one, I haven’t been to any others. What if Jamie and Dani get married next? We could all go to their wedding and it would be perfectly splendid!”

Dani and Jamie both overhead this and exchanged a quiet, knowing laugh. If only the rest of the world could be as accepting as these kids. While they couldn’t be sure what the future would really look like and they knew there’d be countless challenges to work through. It wouldn’t be easy, but maybe their love, like the moonflower, might be worth it.

A/N - if you made it all the way through, thank you and I hope you enjoyed it! If y’all want a sequel, lemme know because @90smallaesthetic​ has already asked for one 🤣

[akira-emberheart]

songs I’d like to assign to the glee kids (part II)

Read Part I (for Kurt Hummel)

I’d like to start by letting you know that I’m not done with songs for Kurt. Oh no. There are more to come. I just feel it will be best to introduce others as well, since my list is not exactly complete or in some sort of specific order, and I’ll easily keep adding more songs.

Apologies for any spelling mistakes and canon misconceptions - I watched Glee last year and some seasons stuck in my head more than others. Here we go!

for Blaine Anderson

> Piece by Piece by Kelly Clarkson

"He takes care of me He loves me Piece by piece, he restored my faith That a man can be kind and a father could stay"

I heard this one for the first time in Jenna Ushkowitz’s voice, and for that reason I did think about it for Tina, because it sounded wonderful. But then it made so much sense for Blaine, and his voice would flow beautifully, making a beautiful scene of him singing this to Kurt.

We don’t really know much about Blaine’s relationship with his family, much less with his dad, unfortunately. The few canon pieces we have is that he wasn’t super accepting of his sexual orientation, and that he (possibly?) left his mom around S6. Without much info, I usually don't like headcanoning that he was a terrible father - parenting is hard, and you’re bound to make mistakes. With the very scarce hints we had from other tidbits over the series, I’m headcanoning that Blaine’s father is rather absent, and not so readily accepting of Blaine as a person, but at the same time not a terrible, abusive parent. Still, after observing Kurt’s relationship with Burt, I believe Blaine must have felt at least some jealousy, and that surely, when Klaine would be to have their own kids, Blaine would steer clear of acting like his father did.

This song, lyrically, takes us to a much more dramatic and negative experience, and for that reason, doesn’t seem to fit perfectly with this relationship. But emotionally, I think Blaine would definitely hear this song and feel something. Maybe after a less than pleasant conversation with his dad, or after spending some time with Kurt and his family and feeling like he was deprived of a good relationship with his own father.

So for this song, it would probably have to happen in a non canon scene, as I said, maybe after a fight with his dad. I also like this one to be sung in an assignemnt for Glee club, in the choir room, directed at Kurt. Quiet instrumentals, just sung over a piano like Darrren Criss does so well. Kurt and everyone would tear up.

***

> Oceans by Seafret

“It feels like there’s oceans

between you and me once again

we hide our emotions under the surface

and try to pretend”

There are a lot of songs that I can choose for Klaine’s breakup and their time apart - this one speaks to me a little differently.

Oceans is about distance. Physical, emotional - here’s no difference here. It’s about a relationship that isn’t exactly falling apart, but somehow drifting away in the distance.

In the beginning of S4, we see Kurt move to New York (pushed by Blaine), and slip into this whirlwind of a new busy life - while Blaine stays at McKinley, finishing high school in his small town life. It’s a hard balance to maintain, long distance is hard, and with everything keeping him so busy, Kurt ends up distancing himself, even though it’s not on purpose.

We see Blaine feeling lonely and left behind, and that’s exactly where this song would fit. Oceans lives a lot from the amazing vocals, so that woudn’t be an issue for Blaine at all.

I would imagine this one being sung more or less when he did “Barely Breathing” with Finn - as he considers his feelings, his relationship, going through his day to day feeling that Kurt is unreacheable (which, as we see from those phone calls, he kinda is).

“we hide our emotions under the surface

and try to pretend”

There’s also a lot of pretending everything is fine, when it really isn’t. Blaine could have tried to have an honest conversation with Kurt about how he was feeling, and about their relationship, but instead, he stayed in his corner, maybe thinking things would change, maybe witing for Kurt to realize. And as time passed, as Blaine felt more and more alone (and eventually made that mistake that led to their breakup), their relationship grows more and more distant.

***

> Always by Panic! At The Disco

“When the world gets too heavy

Put it on my back,

I’ll be your levy.

You are taking me apart

Like bad glue on a get well card.”

I am very into Blaine singing Panic! At The Disco songs - solely because his voice would fit so, so well.

This song initially made me think about how devoted and careful Blaine is with Kurt - mainly because of that first lyric. The immediate image that popped into my head was of Kurt arriving to the New York apartment after a workday, tired, and Blaine just being there, with dinner ready, ready to take care of him and make it all better.

But upon closer inspection, that’s not really what the song is about. The lyrics seem to describe someone who is deeply, irreversibly in love with someone who just doesn’t really reciprocate, or at least someone who does not answer similarly.

With this in mind, I actually have a very specific time that this song would fit in very well - the back half of S4, when Blaine and Kurt have somewhat reconciled, are friends, have even hooked up a number of times. But that’s not enough for Blaine - he wants a relationship, like they had before he made that mistake. Kurt isn’t there quite yet - and at that point, Blaine wonders if he’d ever be. Cheating is a hard thing to get over. Even if they had hooked up, Blaine couldn’t be sure Kurt would really want a serious relationship with him again.

So I would picture him singing this around that time - he’s available for Kurt, he isn’t giving up, and he’s still giving him all his love and care and attention, waiting for the day Kurt will will want the same as him.

***

> Impossible Year by Panic! At The Disco

“There’s no sunshine

This impossible year

Only black days and sky grey

And clouds full of fear”

Another one by Panic! At the Disco. Once again, Blaine’s voice would absolutely kill in this song - we all know the power of Blaine and a piano.

I love this song. In short, it’s about bad times, in a depressing and dramatic way.

I see Blaine singing this one shortly after the Break Up with Kurt - either one of them. Because in both situations he is in a really bad place, lonely, depressed, and just lost the love of his life. So it’s up to you when Blaine goes to the lonely piano in the auditorium and performs alone, to the empty chairs and dim lights.

***

> Us by James Bay

"So tell me how to be in this world Tell me how to breathe in and feel no hurt Tell me how 'cause I believe in something I believe in us"

Admittedly, I have way too many angsty songs for Blaine.

This song fits very well into Blaine's vocal ability. It seems to be about having someone very special to hold on to when everything else is falling apart.

I like this one for around S5EP16 - when Blaine is struggling with body image and adjusting to New York life, and how different his relationship with Kurt is from when they were in high school. And because of how much his self image is crumbling as he doubts himself, that doubt bleeds into the relationship he has with the most important person in his life.

In the episode, if I remember correctly, after their heart to heart the next sceen they show of Blaine and Kurt is much more lighthearted, but in my head, this song would fit right after that talk - when Blaine realises he can't just keep bottling up his problems and doubts, and that Kurt will be there for him as he builds himself and his confidence back up.

[too-attached-to-fiction]

I Can’t Seem To Get You Off My Mind | r.l.

Masterlist here.

Word Count: 1340

Part 1 here.

REQUESTS OPEN

Requested by @renreypoe

Request: I think this is where I’m supposed to do this? But a part 2 to leave a message with remus would be lovely :)

Summary: Sequel to Leave A Message. Remus chases after (Y/N) after realizing he needs her after their breakup. 

A/N: I actually didn’t plan for Leave A Message to have a sequel but I did enjoy writing this so much. God, Lupin’s adorable… please comment and reblog!!! I thrive off of those more than likes.

~~~

18:26

(Y/N): stuck on a layover :/ here’s the address of where I’m staying. Dw, it’s a house share thing, so you don’t need to go thru any clerks or anything. 

(Y/N): are you sure about this?

Remus: Absolutely. 

Read at 18:27

~~~

“I’m going to Japan.” Remus announced that night. Sirius and Peter were over at the Potter’s for dinner, and the three other men dropped their mouths open. Lily, to her credit, only smirked. 

“Close your mouths, boys, you’ll catch flies.” She winked at Remus. “I’m guessing this has to do with the call you made to (Y/N) earlier.” 

“You did what? What about my advice?” Sirius exclaimed, glaring at Remus. “I thought I told you that chasing after someone after a break up makes you look like a complete idiot!”

Lily snorted. “When has Remus ever cared about looking like an idiot? He’s friends with us, for fuck’s sake.” 

“Fair, but-” 

“Padfoot, with all due respect, that advice wasn’t something I was planning to follow anyways.” Remus laughed. “I need to see her, in person. But by the time I realized that, she was about to leave for Japan for a month, and I don’t think I can wait any longer.” 

“You’re leaving us for a month?” Peter asked, feigning offense. “But Moony!” He flung his napkin across his chest. “What will we do without you?” 

“You still have Lily.” Remus pointed out. “God knows she’s the only other person who can put up with your shit.” 

The three other marauders made yelps of protests as Lily’s smirk grew wider. 

“So, Remus, when do you leave?” 

“Two days from now.” 

“Two days? This is the last time we’re ever going to see you?” James whined, and Lily smacked him on the shoulder. 

“He’s not moving away forever, James. And anyways, you live here. You still have two whole days with him left.” She reasoned to her husband, who was now sniffling with obviously fake tears in his eyes.

“Wait we can have a huge sleepover until Moony leaves!” Sirius said, wrapping his arms around Lupin tightly. “It’ll be a two-day long goodbye party!” 

Lily rolled her eyes. “Fine, but you and Peter are sleeping on the couch.” 

Two days later, the five friends stood at the side of the road at Heathrow Airport. Once again, James, Sirius, and Peter were acting as if it were the end of the world. 

“He’s going away for a month to get (Y/N) back. Don’t make this all about you.” Lily laughed, giving Remus a hug. “You both deserve each other. Try not to psych yourself out on the flight, yeah?” 

“No promises.” Remus gave her a lopsided smile. 

“You can text us when you get there. Say hello to her for us.” Lily waved, stepping back as the other boys tackled Lupin in hugs. 

“It’s not too late to change your mind, Moony.” Sirius mumbled, and Remus laughed. 

“I’ll call every day, I promise.” He laughed again. “Now get off me, I still need to check in.” 

“Our baby’s grown up!” James stepped back, wiping an imaginary tear from his cheek. Lily rubbed her husband’s back, trying to stifle her giggles. 

“Go get her.” Lily grinned, and Remus nodded, disappearing into the airport. 

~~~

“Gate 11 for Japan is boarding shortly. Please make your way to the lines and have your boarding pass ready.” 

12:09

Remus: I’ll be there in about thirteen hours. Boarding now.

(Y/N) liked a message. 

~~~

Eleven hours and countless minutes of restless sleep later, Remus arrived in Tokyo. Customs were fairly quick compared to the hell that was often present at Heathrow, and soon he found himself at the taxi stand, being ushered into a car. 

He rattled off the address (he’d somehow remembered it perfectly after the long flight), and the driver nodded, pulling the car away from the curb. 

“You English?” 

“Yes. It’s my first time here.” 

“Good luck. Not many speak English here.”  

“Thank you?” 

The rest of the ride was quiet, with Lupin fidgeting in the passenger seat. What would he even say to you? I’m sorry I hurt you so badly because I’m not sure I deserve happiness but I know you do and sometimes I feel like it isn’t fair that I have someone as wonderful as you as my partner because I did nothing to even remotely deserve you?

In your apartment, you made quick work to clean the place and unpack everything as much as you could. You’d shopped for groceries the other day, but you had enough money in your budget to eat out for most meals if you wanted to. 

When you got the call from Remus, you weren’t sure if he was actually serious, or if it was some sick joke. But Remus wasn’t that type of person. None of the other marauders would do something like that, no matter how often Sirius tried to act like a jerk to be cool. 

But then he texted you when you arrived in Japan, asking for the address to where you were staying. Begrudgingly, you sent it to him. 

Remus wasn’t a spontaneous person, but you knew that he’d do anything for the people he loved. He asked you to go to James and Lily’s wedding because he owed Lily a favor, something she never let him forget. 

You were still wondering if this was real when two knocks came from your front door. You could almost imagine Remus fidgeting behind that door, and when you swung it open, you were face to face with him. 

You’d dreamed about this moment, the moment he came back to you. Every time you pictured it, you launched yourself into his arms immediately, holding on to make sure he was actually real. 

Now, you stared at Lupin, not sure what to say. 

“You actually came.” You breathed out. He fiddled with the sleeves of his jacket, staring back at you. 

“Straight from the airport.” He smiled crookedly. 

“Well, uh, come in?” You squeaked, moving to let him walk in. “Do you want anything to drink?” 

“I’m alright for now.” He said, rolling his suitcase inside and sitting down in the living room area. 

“You said you needed to tell me something?” You asked, sitting across from him. “I’m here now.” 

“Yes. Er…” He felt himself trying to shrink under your gaze. “I came here to apologize. I shouldn’t have walked out on you the way I did. I suppose I thought that if I was the one to leave first, it wouldn’t hurt as bad. I always knew… No, I always think, I mean I thought, that one day you would wake up and realize that you wanted someone better than me. Because I… I don’t think I deserve you. And you’re… You’re incredible and amazing and brilliant and I could never understand why out of anyone you could have chosen, you picked me.” 

“You’re smart, but you’re a complete dunce sometimes.” You shook your head. “I don’t want anyone else. But I want you to realize that I’m not perfect, and you do deserve happiness as much as everyone around you. I always thought that I failed you because you thought otherwise.” 

After a beat of silence, Remus spoke up again. “What do we do now?” 

“What do you want, Remus? Don’t tell me what you think you deserve. Tell me what you want.” 

“I want you. I want to wake up every morning to see your sleeping face and the little smile you always have when you’re asleep, and I want to be able to hug you close and cover you in kisses and bring you to dinners with the other marauders and if you would have me… I want to be yours.” 

“I want that too.” You said quietly, tears forming in your eyes. 

“Will you be my girlfriend again?” 

“God, you’re dense.” You said, practically launching yourself over to his side and meeting his lips with yours. “Of course I will.”

[kpop-zone]

Better Together | Momo x Nayeon

Genre: poly relationship, angst, fluff

Wordcount: 3,627

Request: can u do a namo + fem s/o poly relationship wherein the s/o always feels left out by namo bc namo were in a relationship first before s/o joined the relationship so namo are still used to being just them in a relationship, and because of this s/o grows kind of distant

You came into the dorm to the sound of your two girlfriends giggling in the kitchen. When you rounded the corner, you could see them preparing food together while playfully shoving each other. You could feel your heart twinge, but when Momo noticed you standing there, you didn’t let it show.

“Oh hey, Y/N.”

She greeted you and when you stepped closer to them, both gave you a quick peck on your cheek. Right after, however, they fell back into their chatter, giggling at what the other had said, ignoring you standing behind them.

“Can I help you?”

You asked sheepishly from behind because you felt really useless, watching them prepare your dinner.

“No we’re good. You can go.”

Nayeon answered with a smile and you knew that she was referring to the cooking, but you couldn’t help but think how fitting that sentence was in matters of your relationship as well. You knew that Momo and Nayeon had a stronger bond in the beginning, because they dated even before you were in the picture. But they were really chivalrous, so you thought that this could eventually change. But now that half a year had passed since all three of you had decided to date, you still felt like the outsider in the relationship.

Nayeon and Momo had a lot of inside jokes and memories that they had collected without you, making them constantly talk about something that you didn’t understand. You didn’t mind them talking about those things in general, but you were bothered that they didn’t even try to include you. You had also made some memories together, but they never seemed to be as important as the ones that they had made without you.

You always tried to cheer up though. They had fought for you being in the relationship, you told yourself. You were skeptical in the beginning about starting a relationship that involved three people, but you couldn’t resist their charms. You were simply helpless against them and fell for both girls in no time. And no one ever said that you could only love one person. Your relationship was a proof that you could love two people in the same way.

So you gave in to their pleading eventually. All this time, you had tried to calm your concerns with the knowledge that they had made such an effort to have you in their lives, they simply couldn’t be tired of you. But then again. They were only humans. And humans made mistakes. What if they regretted asking you to be in their life?

They didn’t seem like they needed you. Their relationship was good. Even without you.

“Hey guys, I’m kind of feeling really exhausted today, I think, I’m just gonna head home.”

Your concerns had won your inner conflict today. You couldn’t stand being around them a second longer.

“What? But you only just came.”

Nayeon said with wide eyes and you were relieved that she at least seemed like she was sad that you were leaving.

“Yeah but I don’t want to ruin your mood. You’ll be better off without me.”

You explained while already taking a few steps back.

“But who’s going to cuddle with us tonight?”

Momo pouted and you almost started to regret your decision to leave.

“I’m sure Nayeon will do a great job as well.”

You tried to sound like you were joking, and Nayeon immediately wrapped her arms around Momo, giving her a kiss on her cheek, making Momo giggle.

That’s how it is supposed to be, you thought to yourself, seeing the picture in front of you. They seemed whole together. There was no need for you in this puzzle. You were just another piece that tried hard, but just didn’t fit in.

Without another word, you turned around and left.

-

Momo jumped a little when she heard the door close. Puzzled she looked around, seeing that you weren’t standing at the door anymore.

“Y/N?”

She asked, but there was no answer, so she looked at Nayeon, who looked exactly as dumbfounded as her.

“Did Y/N just leave like that?”

She asked and Momo nodded absentmindedly. Did she just imagine things or were you acting weird?

“Let’s send a text later and ask if everything is alright?”

Momo asked and Nayeon agreed.

So as soon as they were finished eating, they sat on the couch together, sending a text, asking if you were ok.

Y/N: I’m fine

Nayeon read your answer out loud and the two of them looked at each other questioningly.

“Do you think we should go and check up on her?”

Momo asked and they pondered over the question almost half an hour, deciding in the end that they should give you space, if you asked for it. Instead, they opted to send you a cute picture of them with a sweet message.

Nayeon: We miss you! We hope you rest well <3

They hoped that you would be back to normal again after having a good night sleep, but they were wrong. The following week, you didn’t reach out to them at all. You only answered with short text messages and chose to ignore their phone calls.

At first Nayeon and Momo stuck to their plan to give you as much space as you needed and they managed to distract each other, but after a week they missed you so badly that they decided to go to your apartment. You knew that they were clingy people, so they hoped that you wouldn’t be mad.

Dressed in their pajamas and equipped with your favorite snacks, they stood in front of the door, impatiently waiting for finally being able to cuddle into your arms again.

-

When you looked through the spyhole, your body reacted in two ways simultaneously. On the one hand, your heart began to flutter like crazy, because you truly had missed your girlfriends, and they looked adorable in their fuzzy pajamas. But on the other hand, your heart also dropped, because you had distanced yourself to make a decision about how to continue with your relationship.

And you had decided that you didn’t see a future with them. Or better. You saw a future with them, but you didn’t think that they saw one with you and you didn’t want to wait around for them to break your heart. Nayeon and Momo made it clear that they were a well attuned team, any addition to it was a fancy extra for a while, but far from a necessity in order to be able to function.

Before opening to the door, you closed your eyes shortly, taking a last deep breath before putting a smile on your face and greeting your soon-to-be ex-girlfriends.

At the sight of you, their faces lit up and your heart began to twinge. They tackled you into a hug, clinging to your body as if they never wanted to let go of you. You didn’t even realize that you had started crying until Momo pulled back and looked at you with wide eyes.

“Y/N what’s wrong?”

She immediately reached for your hand and stroked the back of it with her thumb lovingly. You just shook your head in response, making even more tears spill out of your eyes causing Nayeon to quickly wrap her arms around you again.

“Sh... it’s alright. We’re here now.”

She shushed you, but you only felt worse hearing her words, because they truly had no idea what would be coming their way.

Nayeon guided you to the sofa where she let you cuddle into her side, running her fingers through your hair, humming a sweet melody for you to calm down. Momo rushed to the kitchen in the meanwhile, making you a hot chocolate, thinking that you urgently needed some serotonin.

When she came back, she sat on the other side of you, laying her arm around your shoulder and pulling you closer to her.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She asked you softly, but you shook your head in response, so Momo and Nayeon looked at each other helplessly, not knowing what to do now. Hesitantly Nayeon grabbed the TV remote in the end, putting on a random program, letting you rest in their arms for a little longer until you had to eventually talk about your outburst.

You knew that it was unfair to let them think that everything was alright between the three of you, but you just needed to savor the feeling of your three bodies intertwined one last time. When you lost the person you loved, you were half a heart afterwards. But what happened when you lost two persons that you loved at once? You figured that there wouldn’t be a lot of heart left in the end.

Nevertheless, you freed yourself from their embrace after a while, causing them to look at you expectantly. You decided that it would be better to just get it over with.

“I want to break up.”

You blurted out and looked alternately into the faces of Momo and Nayeon that looked at you like they had seen a ghost. You could see that they were processing your words, eventually leading to a look of confusion.

“What?”

They asked equally puzzled and this situation would have been quite funny, if you couldn’t feel yourself ripping your own heart out of your chest.

“I can’t do this ‘three-people-in-a-relationship’ thing anymore.”

You sighted and if you thought about it, it wasn’t even a lie. You were just not telling the whole truth, because after all, you still loved them and didn’t want them to feel bad after the breakup.

“But why? Everything has been going great?”

Momo asked perplexed and Nayeon nodded in agreement.

“It hasn’t. I just didn’t talk about it.”

You answered bluntly and you could see that Nayeon’s shock was slowly wearing down, only leaving agitation behind.

“Then I want you to talk about it now. We deserve an explanation.”

She huffed while crossing her arms and you quickly looked to the floor, because you knew that you weren’t a great liar.

“Um... It’s just weird, ok? I can’t cope with all the dirty looks on the streets anymore and that none of our friends truly understand this relationship.”

You stammered, hoping that they would buy into your lie. Suddenly, Nayeon leaped to her feet.

“So you’re breaking our hearts because you’re ashamed of us?”

She yelled at you and you could see the hurt in her eyes.

“Nayeon...”

Momo tried to calm her down, but Nayeon raised her hand for her to be quiet.

“No, I won’t let our relationship be insulted like that. It was beautiful and I can’t believe that Y/N is just throwing it away because of what small-minded people on the streets are saying.”

Tears were streaming down her face and she stormed out the door, loudly slamming it behind her.

Momo was sitting next to you, fighting an inner battle. She didn’t know if she should stay and try to change your mind or take care of her other girlfriend. So you made the decision for her.

“You should go, Momo. Take care of Nayeon, she needs you more than I do.”

You gave her a small smile, but Momo kept sitting next to you, flickering her eyes from the door to you and back. So you took her hand in yours.

“Thank you for worrying about me Momo. But I swear it’s fine. You can go.”

You lifted your hand to her face, softly stroking it before giving her a kiss on her cheek and leaving her behind. You had always admired your girlfriend’s empathy. She was so loving and soft that you swore that you would protect her. But now it was you that hurt her in the end.

You dragged your feet to your bedroom where you curled up on your bed, waiting to hear the front door shut until you let your tears stream freely, having lost not only one, but two halves of your heart tonight.

-

Nayeon heard Momo entering the bedroom, but she didn’t feel like being around her right now. She was in need for comfort, but it felt wrong to get it from Momo. You had been in the relationship together. So breaking up with you felt like breaking up with Momo as well.

It was like the two of them were two riverbanks and you had been the bridge that was connecting them, but now that you were gone, there was nothing but distance left. So tonight, they slept with their backs turned to each other and the space between them felt bigger than it was. Because it was more than just physical space that only grew the next days.

There was a weird tension surrounding them, making it too uncomfortable to be around each other. Nayeon left as often as possible making sure that she only came back when she knew that Momo was already in bed. She could see that Momo was suffering but she couldn’t get herself to lift her up. She was too broken herself.

Today they both had a free day and they were wordlessly sitting across from each other while having breakfast. Silence was surrounding them like usual, until Momo disrupted it.

“Do you think we can go back to where we were before Y/N was in the picture?”

She asked insecurely and Nayeon furrowed her brow, thinking about the time before they had started dating you. Momo and her had been happy together. But still, something had always been missing. They had been like a tricycle, able to function as a pair but never able to run smoothly. And now that she knew how happy she could be in a set of three, she didn’t want to compromise anymore.

“No, I don’t think so.”

She answered sadly, not wanting to lose Momo, too, but she just couldn’t imagine her life with her but without you. Momo slowly nodded her head.

“Me neither.”

She admitted silently and Nayeon sighted exhaustedly. They both knew what that meant. So she stood up from the table before kissing the crown of Momo’s head one last time and heading for the door.

“I’m going to get my stuff later.”

She said before heading out.

-

Momo felt like she was stuck in a nightmare. She was blankly staring ahead, absolutely in shock that she had lost two of the most important persons in her life in such a short time.

Tears silently streamed down her face and she just wanted to be held, so her head would stop spinning. And there was just one person that she was craving right now. Not caring about her looks, she left the building, letting her feet take her to the place where she wanted to be.

“Momo?”

You stared at her with wide eyes when she was standing at your door with puffy eyes. She knew that it was a terrible idea to go to your ex-girlfriend when you were heartbroken, but she needed you right now.

“N-Nayeon and I broke up.”

She stuttered while a fresh set of tears started to stream down her cheeks. Without hesitation you wrapped your arms around her and Momo grabbed the back of your shirt desperately, finally letting go of all her bottled-up emotions.

She felt your hands at the back of her thighs, lifting her up and causing her to wrap her legs around your body. You carried her to the couch where the three of you had been sitting not too long ago. Momo buried her face into the crook of your neck and wished that she would be waking up from this nightmare.

What had she done wrong? The question played in a loop in her head since you had left her and she blamed herself for not being a better girlfriend.

“I’m sorry.”

She sobbed over and over again while you stroked her back in circles, trying to calm her down.

“Baby, it wasn’t your fault.”

Momo heard your words, but she couldn’t believe them. How couldn’t it have been her fault when she was the one that had been left twice?

You pulled back to be able to look into her eyes.

“I’m serious, Momo. Stop blaming yourself. This one was on me.”

You assured her with sincerity in your eyes while you were cupping her face.

Momo was about to object, but a knocking on the door, beat her to it.

You looked at her in shock, showing her that you both had the same idea about who was standing in front of the door. Softly you put her on the couch, rushing to open the door.

“Nayeon?”

Momo could hear you ask, and she buried her face in her hands. Funny how destiny had its way of working.

-

You were staring at Nayeon in shock, not knowing what to do because of Momo sitting in the living room.

“Momo and I broke up.”

She sobbed before tackling you into a hug. Hesitantly you rested your hand on her back, closing the door with the other. You pulled away slightly before taking Nayeon’s hand and guiding her into the living room where she stood like glued to the spot when she saw Momo sitting on the couch. She stared at you in shock and you couldn’t hold in a chuckle, because this situation was so absurd that it was funny.

“Well and this is how the story repeats itself.”

You remarked before sitting next to Momo. You could see that Nayeon was torn about what to do, but eventually, she dragged herself to the couch sitting next to you. Both of them were avoiding your gaze when you looked at them and you sighted, knowing that it was your turn to break the silence.

“Why did the two of you break up?”

You asked truly curious and Nayeon massaged her temples before answering.

“Because we’re not complete without you. It felt like a piece was missing, making this relationship not functionable.”

In shock, you snapped your eyes up to look into Nayeon’s. Their relationship was not functionable without you? This couldn’t be true. You had broken up with them to save their relationship. You grabbed fistfuls of your own hair in frustration.

“Oh my god.”

You mumbled before leaping to your feet and walking up and down in the room.

Nayeon and Momo looked at each other with wide eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

Momo asked you in confusion and you had to laugh at your own stupidity.

“I’m an idiot.”

You stated without context, confusing the two girls in front of you even more.

“Do you know why I truly broke up with you guys?”

You asked them rhetorically and they shook their heads in unison.

“Because I felt like I was expendable in our relationship. I thought you were tired of me meddling with your relationship.”

Both of them looked like they had seen a ghost after your words until Momo finally spoke up.

“What? How could you think that?”

She sounded truly dumbfounded and you stopped your pacing to be able to choose your next words warily, not wanting to hurt Momo even more.

“You just seemed so happy together when it was just the two of you. And you talked so fondly about your relationship before I joined it. It just felt like you only held on to me, because you didn’t want to hurt me.”

Both of them were taken aback by your words.

“So you thought that we didn’t love you all this time?”

Nayeon, who had been quiet this whole time, finally spoke up while tears started to stain her cheeks.

Not being able to be apart from them any longer, you made your way over to her with big steps, cupping her cheeks to be able to wipe away her tears.

“No. I mean yes. I mean... I can’t really say. I just thought that you didn’t really necessarily need me in your relationship.”

You stuttered, not being able to express your feelings in words.

“But we did need you. We still do.”

Momo suddenly chimed in, grabbing your hand to kiss your knuckles softly.

As you were kneeling in front of the two girls, holding the face of one in one hand and the hand of the other in your other, you realized that you had been wrong. You had never been only an extra in the relationship but the glued that had held everything together.

“I’m so sorry.”

You mumbled while you let your head fall to your chest.

“It’s ok.”

Nayeon shushed you, while lifting your chin to kiss your forehead.

“I think we all made mistakes.”

She added, grabbing Momo’s hand to make her look at her.

“Can we work this out?”

Momo asked shakily and both of them fixed their gaze on you.

This time there were no insecurities playing with your mind, making you immediately nod in response.

“Of course. We’re better together, aren’t we?”

Nayeon sighted in relief and you pulled both of them into a hug, feeling them simultaneously bury their heads into the crook of your neck.

When you pulled back all of your faces were stained with tears and you laughed at each other, because it turned out that you had all been big idiots.

“Can we cuddle and watch TV now?”

Momo asked sheepishly, making Nayeon and you laugh even more.

But without losing another word you sat in between the two of them, letting them cuddle into your side while you turned on the TV before laying your arms around their shoulders.

Looking down, you could see that both of them were already looking at you and you smiled softly.

“I love you.”

You said to both of them and they leaned up to give you a kiss on your cheek.

“We love you too.”

They answered together and you pulled them impossibly closer, knowing that this was the only way it was meant to be.

[ambermation]

Part of Me (Lance x Fem!Child!Reader)

A Spies in Disguise Fanfic!

Key:

Y/N = Your Name                                                          

N/N = Nickname                                                                                    

B/F/N = Best Friend Name

3542 Words

~~~~~~~~

𝕀 𝕒𝕞 𝕓𝕣𝕒𝕧𝕖, 𝕀 𝕒𝕞 𝕓𝕣𝕦𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕕

𝕀 𝕒𝕞 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕀'𝕞 𝕞𝕖𝕒𝕟𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕓𝕖, 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕚𝕤 𝕞𝕖

~~~~~~~~

   You didn't think much of the way you felt towards girls. You assumed they were just platonic- sisterly, even- feelings. When you were younger, and had only been going to school for a few years now, had always preferred having a female partner to work with. You thought that most, if not all, of the girls in your class were quite pretty. The fact you thought you were a plain Jane, physically of course (and you still think this), boosted these thoughts. You were a shy little girl, and had managed to make a very outgoing, extroverted friend.

(B/F/N).

She helped you come out of your shyness a bit and slowly you started talking more and more. But since hardly anyone talked directly to you during work time or out on the playground you didn't get to talk much. It's funny considering the fact that at home, you talked to your uncle all the time. Sometimes you talked to other relatives, usually when they came for a visit from California (they moved there shortly after you were born, which is unrelated to the reason why btw), and even the many different women uncle Lance would bring home. Typically they'd come over at least three times, maybe four if they're lucky, and then you'd never see them again.

Back to you, since you were a genius like your biological father, you were able to start middle school at seven, start high school at eight, and now you're going to graduate at twelve years old. Half way through Freshman year of high school and you managed to make what you call "school buddies", who are people you don't really hang out with outside of school but you kind of do inside of school. (You did make two friends that you hang out with and talk to outside of school though other than your BFF.) They were chill, and most of them had conversations about nearly anything with everyone who wants to join included.

Sometimes they would talk about their relationships, breakups, crushes, and even their sexuality. When someone had started asking everyone what their sexual orientation was, you felt a flash of panic before calmly remembering that your were straight. Obviously you were. You had crushes on countless fictional guys and occasionally you'd find a random guy to be attractive. You thinking girls were cute and pretty had nothing to do with your sexuality and you were just being nice. You thought this way your whole life and never doubted the way you thought.

Of course, this was before you started to learn even more about sexual orientation.

Since the beginning of the year, when you first started to hang out with your school buddies, you managed to learn so much more about the LGBTQIA+ community than ever before since a lot of them were in it. At first, you barely talked and mainly listened to the discussions they would have, yet slowly you started talking more. You joined and even started a few conversations. It was just interesting to you.

Your school friends had brought up the word bisexual before, heck two of them were bi, and its definition was easy for you to understand. However, learning more about sexual preferences didn't immediately make you realize your own sexuality. You continued to read X Readers with guy characters, but one day you decided to read an x Reader for a female character you really loved. You figured it'd be cute, and it was, and thought nothing of that. Man, for a genius, you can be pretty dense sometimes, am I right?  Because it wasn't until you were daydreaming at home one day about another female character you love did you realize something. You didn't notice what you were actually daydreaming until it suddenly clicked.

You would love to have her as a girlfriend if she were real. You'd love to have so many characters as girlfriends. You were attracted to both girls and boys. You're..bisexual? The thought was just curious, as if you were  asked what's your favorite color, then you gave your answer, and then the person was confirming what you said. If that makes any sense. Being bisexual made sense to you and explained the way you felt towards girls and guys.

So you believed yourself to be bi without the courage, or need, to tell anyone. It's not like you didn't want people to know, well kind of; some people were were really against the LGBTQIA+ community, but that's besides the point, your friends would accept you. You just felt like you'd make a big deal out of nothing. But it wasn't nothing to you. It was a special nothing! It was a part of you that you wanted others to know about. And then the worried thoughts came in. How would your dad react?

You could never tell how he felt towards the queer. The two of you wouldn't really talk exclusively about the community; it just came up with other topics and even then you wouldn't even dip your toes into those discussions. It wasn't on purpose, it just came and went with the natural flow of the conversation. Dad seemed like he was neutral. But you weren't sure.

And, up until two months ago, you were thinking of ways to come out as bisexual to your dad. You stopped thinking of how to come out as bisexual due to your friends. After talking with your friends at lunch one day you learned another sexuality. Pansexual. Since you hadn't heard that word before you asked what it meant. At first, the way it was explained confused you. You didn't understand what your friend was saying, so another friend stepped in and explained in much easier to understand terms. The word pansexual kept ringing in your head, and once you got home you got on your computer and did some more research; research such as differences between bisexual and pansexual.

Shortly after researching the differences you understood that they were different. With a better understanding of pansexual you came to another realization; You didn't really care about someone's gender, you just cared if they loved you and cared about you the same way you would love and care for them. Thanks to your friend, you knew now that you were pansexual, not bisexual.

Great. Now you just had to come out as pansexual to dad!

Yaaaaaaayyy... Notice the sarcasm? Yeah you didn't know how to come out when you thought you were bi so you wouldn't know how to come out as pan.

~~~~~~~~

𝕀 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦'𝕣𝕖 𝕤𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕖𝕕 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕦𝕟𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕟

𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕕𝕠𝕟'𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕒 𝕓𝕖 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕖

𝕀 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕀 𝕒𝕝𝕨𝕒𝕪𝕤 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕘𝕠

𝔹𝕦𝕥 𝕚𝕥'𝕤 𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕠𝕗 𝕞𝕪 𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕝

~~~~~~~~

   (A/N: I'm using the word "daddy" even though reader is twelve because she's a rich kid. She's a bit spoiled too but she's a nice spoiled kid, you know? And I'm using it as a subconscious expression of the reader not having to grow up too much since she's related to the Lance Sterling. I imagine he's got a lot of money because have you even seen his car? And the fact there's the Sterling Private Jet Hanger? His Air pods? Dude's loaded. I chose to have Lance live in a very nice house that looks fancy but also quite normal (to blend in) because...why not? I felt the need to explain why I chose to use daddy instead of dad, father, etc. Also I felt like the lyrics above relate to the whole story I have for the reader, just not in the same context as the song they're from which is Sunflower.)

                                               Reader POV:

Why am I making such a big deal out of this? I mean, it's kind of a big deal. It's my sexuality and I don't know how daddy will react. I want him to know though. I try to think of what I'll say to him and when.

"Daddy?  I've got something important to say. Well, it's important to me at least, and I was hoping that you'd understand  or would try to understand. I'm pansexual."

I shook my head, pinching the bridge of my nose. "No, that doesn't sound right to me. What can I say... to lead up to me saying 'I'm pansexual'?" I paced around my room, continuing to think of ways to come out. I'm not sure how daddy will respond to 'I have something important to say' other than making a joke. Probably. Even then I'm not sure what kind of joke he'd make. This was stupidly difficult and I wished I had the courage to just simply say it without any build up.

"That'd make things a lot easier if I could." I muttered, stopping my pacing to to sit down. I was planning on writing it down on paper, but instead I put my face in my hands and let out a disgruntled groan. Half of me was just screaming to simply say it whenever seemed like the best time while the other half was cowering in the corner of my mind bawling.

I get up from my desk so I can flop down on to my bed. If I can't figure out what to do then I'll just curl up under my blankets all cozy until I'm forced to get out.  I struggle to keep my eyes open and soon enough I succumb to a dreamless sleep.

I wake up to someone shaking me, their hands on my back and my shoulder.

"Hey, come on N/N, time to eat," A voice said. In my sleepy state I couldn't recognize the voice.

I mumble nonsense in response, searching and grabbing my blanket to pull it over me. I snuggle into the warmth of my bed, not wanting to leave. Before I could even stop it, my blanket was pulled off of me and thrown to the floor. My head snaps to look at my daddy. He looks at me with a deadpan look.

"You up now?" He asked. I groan and drop my head on to my pillow. "No." I answer, closing my eyes. Right after I do that I feel daddy's hands grab on to my wrists. He then starts pulling me up and away from my bed. I move like a ragdoll. "There's no napping before dinner. After dinner? Maybe. But not before. Now come on." Daddy says, still dragging me. I fall to the floor. Alright, that's enough. I pull out of his strong grip and stand up.

"Alright, alright! Geez..." I drag my hand up my face, swaying a little. "Why were you even napping?" He asks. I shrug. "I curled up in bed, and next thing I know you're waking me up," I try shooting him a glare, "Thanks by the way. I could've just ate later, when I woke up," I huff. Daddy laughs. "Aw, you don't want to spend time with your old man anymore? Man, I thought I had a few more years." He looks at me in mock sadness. I lightly shove him as I head towards the door.

"No need to be so dramatic." I tease. You're almost my best friend." We head down the hallway, side by side. Daddy laughs. "Almost?" He asks. I nod. As we're walking down the winding staircase I explain.

"Obviously (B/F/N)'s my best friend."

"Oh yeah...she's a strange one. But at least she's nice."

"Correction! She's nice, a total sweetheart, funny, witty, weird, dorky, and very smart."

"Uh, right. How's she doing?"

"From what she's told me, she's doing alright. She also jokes that I could do her science and math homework for her, of course I'm not and she doesn't mean it, but still," I answer, just as we reach the bottom of the stairs. "You're way too smart to being doing somebody else's homework, right Y/N?" Daddy asked. I nodded.

We talked some more as we reached the dining room/area. We were having Chinese takeout tonight and it smelled wonderful! We sat down and began to eat. In the back of my mind I was thinking about coming out, a thought that was slowly becoming more and more prominent until it was the one thing I was thinking about. We were talking, but as I thought about coming out more and more I started to talk less. I, of course, didn't know this. It wasn't until daddy snapped me out of my thought did I realize I kind of just...stopped responding to him. I look at him. Immediately I see amusement and some concern in his eyes.

"Honey, you got your head in the clouds or something?" He asked with amusement. I shake my head. "Nah, just thinking about something," I said, taking another bite of my food. "About what?" Daddy inquired. Of course he wants to know. "Something," I answer reticenty.

"Are you gonna tell me what this 'something' is?"

I pause, debating whether or not to tell him. Eh, sure, why not? I feel myself tense slightly.

"Well, I... it's kind of, or no, actually, not-not kind of... it's pretty important- to me, at least." As I speak I grab one of my wrists, squeezing it. My left leg was bouncing. "Honey you know you can tell me anything, right? Wait! You're not pregnant are you?" He questioned. I recoil in a mixture of disgust and horror.

"Wha- no!" I quickly answer. "No, are you kidding? That kid's life would suck man. Like you're telling me," I point at myself, "That I have to raise this kid? Geez I can't even use the oven without you breathing down my neck, how am I supposed to take care of a baby!" I joke and laugh. Daddy laughs too. I manage my laughter enough to talk. "Besides, I haven't, uh, started yet," I look down, fiddling with my hands. I'm uncomfortable talking about my period primarily due to my dad being, well, a dad,  i.e. a male without any female organs and personal experience dealing with said periods himself.

Daddy was also a bit uncomfortable talking about it, but he has assured that it's nothing to be ashamed of, so that's nice. He just wasn't used to having to deal with periods almost firsthand.  

"Sweetie I'm just messing with you. And when you do..." He trails off, moving his hand in a 'You know' gesture, "Uh, start, don't be afraid to tell me. I'll help anyway I can," He says before taking another bite of food. I nod. I take the brief moment of silence to take a sip from my drink. Daddy speaks up again. "So what were you actually gon' say?"

I ponder whether or not I should continue. On one hand, I've piqued his interest with me saying how important what I was gonna say. So it'd be odd for me to now say that it's not that important a few minutes after saying how important it was. On the other hand...it doesn't seem right to come out now anymore. I lost what little confidence I had, which was barely any, but still.

"Eh, never mind. It's actually not that important; I was just being dramatic. Ya know, like you," I said, smirking by the end of my sentence. Daddy huffs and rolls his eyes, clearly in a playful way. "The world's greatest spy can't be dull, Princess. I've gotta had some flavor to the job," He retorts.

"Oh, so going around the world, beating bad guys, 'saving the say', isn't dramatic enough?"

"Oh it is. But I bring an extra flare to it."

"Whatever you say Daddy," I say, focusing on my food. Daddy doesn't seem bothered by my sudden decision to not say what was "so important"; that's good. I'll come out another time.

We finish our dinner and as we're cleaning up I ask if we could watch a movie. "Sure. Which movie?" Daddy asks as we go to the living room. "(Fav. movie)?" I suggest, knowing that Daddy will probably agree, regardless if he likes the movie or not. As I predicted, he agreed. I happily got the movie and after everything else was set up (our spots on the couch, the movie being ready to play, and lighting) we sat down and watched it. I didn't have school tomorrow (yay for Friday!) so I didn't have to worry about getting ready for bed after the movie's over.

I was laying on the couch, my head and back leaning against daddy, who was leaning against the couch. The movie was almost over, so I was thinking of whether or not I wanted to watch another one. On one hand, yes. Please. I'd love that. On the other hand, I kind of wanted to watch YouTube. Soon enough the movie ends and the credits roll with the accompanying music. I was about to get up when daddy spoke.

"So Y/N, I was wondering about what you wanted to say earlier. Ya know, since you said it was important." I look up at my dad. "I also said that it wasn't important." I retorted. "Yeah, but thing is, you tend to do that a lot. You say something's important to you, then say it isn't, then I find out what it is and it turns out to be important to you. So why don't we speed things up huh?"

I look down, fiddling with my fingers. "...It's really not important this time. I promise..." I say gingerly. I feel daddy's hand on my shoulder. I turn to look at him. "Sweetie, you know you can tell me anything right?" At this I laugh. Daddy pulls his hand away, clearly confused by me laughing.

"What? You know you can! What's so funny?" He asks bewildered. Smiling I answer. "It's because all parents say that. I just found it funny." I make eye contact with him. I see his eyes light up with realization before becoming serious again.

"But it's true! Y/N I love you, and whenever you feel the need to tell me something, I hope and want you to tell me. As soon as possible," He says, emphasizing the last bit by moving his hand. I go back to looking at my hands, frowning. I did want to tell him, but part of me was saying that I shouldn't. One little voice. A voice that was being quite persuasive, and yet I was still debating whether or not I should-

Daddy's voice breaks me out of my thoughts. "Hey, where'd that happy smile go? It was just here." I don't smile; I try to deepen my frown instead. Daddy scoffs. I turn my head to look away, crossing my arms. Unfortunately, since I was looking away, I couldn't see the light bulb that went off in daddy's head.

I involuntarily break into a fit of giggles as a pair of hands starts tickling my sides. I wiggle and see my daddy's hands tickling me. "Ah, there it is! My beautiful daughter's smile." I vigorously shook my head at his compliment. My body was still squirming from his tickling. However, me shaking my head made him stop, so I stopped squirming and tried to relax. "What? No, N/N you are beautiful. You are my beautiful little girl in my eyes, always," Daddy says lovingly. Breathing heavily, I let his words sink in.

I fell off the couch during daddy's tickle attack, so the both of us were on the floor. I turn to lay on my stomach, facing the TV (which was now back at the title screen). Daddy lays down next to me. He crosses his arms and lays his head on them, facing me. I look back at him. I give him a smile. He smiles back. His expression is laced with love and amusement. Then he gives me a look that says "Will you tell me now?" My eyes dart away for a second before looking back at him. I focus on his elbow; I just can't make eye contact with him while saying this.

"I'm pansexual." I say, eyes still staring at his elbow.

"Oh..."

Daddy says in a tone I can't place at the moment. I pull my gaze away from his elbow to his face. He sits up, so I copy him. "Thank you for trusting me, Y/N. This doesn't change how I feel about you. I still love you," Daddy pulls me into a hug. I return the hug, relieved by his words. "Do your friends know?"

"No they don't. Only you know daddy." I answer, breaking the hug to look at him. He cups a hand on my cheek. "If you want them to know, them come out to them when you feel like you should. Don't feel forced to tell them, okay sweetie?"

I nodded. He kisses my forehead. "Good." I give a small smile. Daddy leans back a little, his hands supporting himself. "You wanna know something?" He asks, a smirk on his lips. Questioningly, I look at him, raising one brow. Daddy smiles. "Trust me, you'll like this," He said. I think about it for a second before nodding. Daddy straightens out his posture, no longer needing his hands for support. He claps said hands together.  

"Okay, so I remember one time when I was visiting you and your parents, you were three around this time, and we were just talking. Then the conversation ended up about you. Your mom had said that she wouldn't be surprised if you were attracted to both girls and boys. Your dad, however, disagreed. he thought you would be straight." At this my mouth dropped slightly and my eyes widened. "How did she-?"

"I don't know. Mother's intuition, I guess? But your dad was adamant that you were straight. He finally shut up once he saw the glare your mom was giving him." Daddy smiles, probably at the memory. "Huh. Well, mom was close. I'm basically gender blind." I laugh.

"Y/N," Daddy says, his hands on both of my arms, "Again, thank you for trusting me enough with this. I love you, N/N." He kisses my forehead once more before hugging me again.

"I love you too, Daddy."

The End

(WOOOH I'VE FELT HORRIBLE ABOUT HOW LONG THIS WAS TAKING!!! I hope you enjoyed reading this! This idea came to me, and I thought: Since a lot of fans say that Walter is gay, and Lance supports his gay son (obviously!), what about Lance being supportive of a pan daughter? I was not too sure how to end it, so I hope it was not too sudden! Thanks for reading!!! :D)

[mikeyhatesit113]

forever and never: Chapter 11

It’s 2009, and Janie and I are driving home from a nice dinner. The radio is up, and Janie is singing along to the old-school hip-hop melody blaring from the speakers.

Janie closes her eyes, vibing to the music.

“It’s all because of you, I’m feeling sad and blue, You went away, now my life is filled with rainy days...”

Janie opens her eyes and points to me from the passenger seat, smirking.

“I love you so, how much you’ll never know, Cause you took your dope away from me.”

I had fallen deeply for her.

But suddenly, I felt like I was just falling.

I jolt awake in my bed. A crash landing back to reality.

Of course, I hadn’t been in that deep of a sleep anyway. In fact, the only thing in the world I wanted was to fall into a deep sleep.

It had to be late night, for the room was full of darkness.

A lonely pit of hell.

But I wasn’t completely alone, per se. No, my imagination was right there with me, leering at me through the endless black.

It wasted no time in reminding me that I was alone on top of a box spring mattress cushioned by only blankets, and she was in another bed. Somewhere else. With someone else.

Doing whatever else.

Not that my brand new queen-sized bed would have been much more comfortable.

The queen-sized bed that was still sitting in our townhouse unoccupied, I hoped.

The $1600 queen-sized bed I had bought for her just 2 weeks prior to our breakup because her back hurt.

The queen-sized bed I had told her not to sleep on. And in a futile effort to provide an obstacle, I threw my clothes and football jerseys on top of it before I left the house.

If her and Steppenwolf wanted to have sex on it, they’d have to remove my clothing or just do the deed on top of my Tony Romo jerseys. Of course, neither scenario would be romantic for them, I was willing to bet.

And 48 hours after my Labor Day Sunday departure, my buddy and I were hauling that queen-sized bed out of the house and onto a box truck.

The same exact box truck I had used just two years prior when I moved out during the Corey incident.

But it would be for good, this time. That’s what I kept telling myself. After all that had happened, and all that I knew, I couldn’t see any sort of reality where we’d embrace eachother again.

My buddy and I searched the house for anything that was solely mine.

Anything that was ours? I left behind.

Furniture, lamps, the kitchen table, pots, pans, cups...etc.

Her children didn’t deserve to return to the skeletal remains of a place they knew as home. In fact, it was rather depressing how normal the place still looked after I removed all of my things.

It was as if I hadn’t existed at all, which was the goal.

However, when it came to things that were considered ours, I made one single exception.

My car.

The beautiful Lancer that she loved was coming with me, as it was solely in my name and I couldn’t risk a repossession.

After we slid the back of the box truck shut, I went inside the house and soaked in the deathly silence of a place that had seemed to hold so much love at times.

Our pictures still on the wall. Our leftovers still in the refrigerator.

I tossed my house key on the kitchen table that had held countless dinners and meals. I walked out the door, ready to leave it all behind me.

After dropping all of my worldly possessions off in a tiny 5x10 storage unit and then returning the box truck, my buddy and I sped through town in the Lancer.

That night, I was serenaded by a different tune as my buddy belted out the lyrics to The Black Keys’ “Next Girl”.

“Oh my next girl Will be nothing like my ex-girl. I made mistakes back then, I’ll never do it again. Oh my next girl, She will be nothing like my ex-girl. It was a painful dance, Now I got a second chance.”

Of course, that moment in the car with my buddy was one of the few high points.

High points came in small numbers, while the valleys I staggered through were innumerable.

No one wants to speak of those. No one wants to live through them.

That’s why many people hop from one person to the next with no time lapse in between, to avoid in the pain.

But it’s the only way.

The only way out of the fire was through the inferno.

I could not eat. I couldn’t sleep. I could not shut my mind off. This went on for days.

I fall out just long enough to wake up in sweat, tortured by mental images and physical heartache.

I’d look at my phone, a part of me begging to see her number.

A missed call. A text message. Something to show me that she still cared.

Something to let me know that she was hurting too. A single hope, no matter how faint, that she was thinking of me too.

I’d get no such relief.

I was angry to be alone, but other times, that’s all I wanted. I wanted the consolation from others. I needed to hear people assure me that it was going to be ok. But just as important, I needed them to abruptly leave me the fuck alone when I wanted space.

I had been a step-dad for 4 strong years. I had watched the boys grow. I had bought Janie nice gifts. Holidays, birthdays, family gatherings...

But as a step-parent, you have to accept something; if your relationship fails, then it all goes away.

The kids you took care of? No longer yours.

The responsibilities you shared together? Not your problem anymore.

You were merely a spoke in the wheel, and the wheel will continue spinning without you.

My friends and family were incredibly patient with me. I needed to talk about my pain quite a bit, and they always dropped what they were doing to hear me out.

Listen to me repeat myself, and question how she could act as if nothing ever happened.

They knew what to say during times I was simply inconsolable.

I remember the day I began to see a slight glimmer of hope.

My uncle and I had just returned from a pizza shop, where I ordered a sub I could not bring myself to eat, and we were sitting at home. Dusk was approaching, and as usual, I felt the dread rising in my chest.

Another sleepless night on the horizon with nothing but haunting thoughts and memories.

My grandmother arrived home shortly after we did, and she saw me sitting on the front porch agonizing over Janie, stuck in the same old routine of beating myself up.

“Michael,” she said. “You think she’s this great person, and she isn’t. You put her up on this...pedestal...and she isn’t all that,” she said angrily. “She’s NOT all that. Fuck her!”

A silence followed her words, as my moment of sadness was interrupted by the utter shock of hearing Helen Pper use the F word. It happened less often than viewing Haley’s Comet.

She was serious, and she was tired of seeing me hurt over someone she never cared for in the first place.

“She seemed rather fake,” she said, recalling dinners she attended that Janie had invited her to. “She wanted everyone to believe she was perfect.”

There was something about that moment that propelled me forward, and over the next week, being by myself got a little easier, and moments with my friends became more entertaining.

I felt normality creeping back in, and I welcomed it with open arms.

Sleep had even got a tad bit better, especially when I came home one day to find a brand new twin bed mattress and box spring sitting in the hallway.

My grandmother simply had the handbook on giving a shit about me, and giving me hope when all else seemed lost.

That’s the kind of woman she was. You never had to ask. She always just did.

As fate would have it though, fools always find a way to rush in.

And one day, Janie called me.

“How’s it going?” she asked me.

“It’s ok,” I replied.

“I’ve been ok,” she said. “I went hiking.”

This caught me off guard, because if my memory served me correctly, Janie was never into hiking.

“I reached the top of this peak,” she said, beginning to sob on the other end of the phone. “I was sweaty and dirty, but I was just so damn proud of myself. It was beautiful, and I cried, because I just wanted to tell you all about it,” she said.

I listened to her words, trying to understand this new version of her. After 3 weeks apart, and she sounded like a new person.

“Who’d you go hiking with?” I asked.

“A few friends from work,” she replied.

“Is Steppenwolf around?” I asked.

“No, we’re just friends,” she said.

We didn’t speak of divorce, and we said nothing about finalizing the distance between us. Which gave me hope, and then I asked...

“Can I see the boys?”

“Uh.”

“I really miss them, and I’d love to see them.”

“I dunno, Ekim. It doesn’t feel like the right time,” she said apologetically.

We hung up, and I was alone again.

On a damp, dreary evening, hope had visited. And then it left as quickly as it had come.

Days later though, it returned. With a vengeance.

“Let’s grab dinner,” she said.

We chose a local steakhouse, and as we sat in the dim decorative lights, we talked about how life had treated us the past few weeks.

We laughed. We responded to eachother’s quirks and quips.

Suddenly, we were in sync again.

One thing led to another, and we decided to spend the night together.

Not at my grandmother’s house, though. And not at the house we had shared together up until 3 weeks ago.

For some reason, she didn’t want to go back there that night.

“We should get a hotel together,” she said with the excitement of a spontaneous backpacker.

“Yeah!” I agreed quickly, feeling myself fall for her all over again. It was as if I had willingly forgiven, and forgotten about, all the pain I had just lived through.

None of that mattered now. She cared about me. She missed me.

We had found eachother. One more thing we’d overcome.

We were in love again.

We ran back to our respective homes and packed overnight bags. I came downstairs, and my grandmother looked at me curiously.

“Where ya headed, kiddo?” she asked.

“Oh, my buddy is having a video game party tonight, so I’ll just sleep there and go to work in the morning,” I said. “Oh, ok,” she said with a smile. “Have a good time!”

I ran out the door, and my car sped to the hotel we had decided on. She met me in the parking lot, and we went into the room together.

That night, I suppressed all thoughts of why we couldn’t just go home to spend the night together.

The only thing I cared about was having her back in my arms, where we both belonged. No matter how cheap the room felt, or how strange it looked with the nearby restaurant lights creeping through the blinds.

We were together again.

The next morning, I showered, got ready, and left that hotel room for work as she also got ready for work. Our two separate camps probably wouldn’t be fond of hearing where we’d spent the night, and we had no intention of telling them.

We were married, what was it their business?

So what if they had spent the past few weeks gluing our pieces back together? That didn’t mean we owed them anything. If they were truly on our side, they’d support us no matter what.

Of course, that night at the hotel was simply a spark that relit our inferno.

Blazing. White hot. Consuming.

The next night, we met at a bar to watch a football game, like old times. Afterwards, after 3 long weeks, I finally returned home.

We walked back through the front door as different people, but after taking one step inside, my eyes seemed to be deceiving me.

There had been far more changes than I thought.

Nothing was the same.

And it wouldn’t be.

“And now I’m running to you, trying to find myself, But I don’t even know where to start. I guess that time has a way of keeping nothing the same, Cuz I don’t even know who you are. Oh, I hate this feeling. You don’t feel like home.” Papa Roach “Feel Like Home”

NOTE: Though this is my side of the story, including my own personal recollections and opinions, the reader should not consider this note anything other than a work of literature. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

[itsblosseybitch]

It’s Never About Disney Tickets

About a year ago, I went to Disney with my brother, sister, and her boyfriend. Before we left the house, it came up that one of us didn’t have a ticket. More specifically, that person was my brother. Despite the fact that my brother is 34, he has never learned to master his finances. Like my 56-year old father, he’s notorious for borrowing money left and right, and rarely paying it back. These are things the family discusses when neither gentleman is around. From people who have, more than once, let these fiscally irresponsible men borrow their money and then bitterly complain about getting screwed. 

So, the idea was that my brother would borrow money from someone for a Disney ticket. I don’t go to Disney often, and I don’t know the exact price, but tickets are in the $150 range. That’s a lot of money to let someone borrow, regardless of how financially savvy they are. And somehow, everyone else in the room (my sister, her boyfriend, mom, and stepdad) decided that that person was going to be me. 

Why? I’m not sure. 

Knowing his track record, and the fact that he’s shown no improvement in this area, I refused. So my brother offers, with no sense of irony, to pay me back in Chick-Fil-A. Now I’ve told this portion of the story before with people completely floored by this part. Yet this is 100% in character for my brother, and this didn’t surprise me. I still said no. 

I thought I made a wise and fiscally responsible decision. But everyone else in the room didn’t seem to think so. 

Both my mom and sister brought up my savings account, which I was working hard to reach towards a certain number (and did, shortly after this incident). They brought up how I had more than enough to spare (which I did), and should just give to him. I still said no.

I finally pointed out to my sister, “He’s not good at paying people back.” And knowing that my brother was financially in the red and that my mom and sister let him borrow money recently, I asked her point-blank: “Did he pay you  back?”

After a pause, she angrily replied: “Jordan, I’m not taking you. I’m not even kidding!”

I ended up leaving the living room and going out to the car. After a few minutes, my sister emerged and said that they “handled it,” though I can’t remember if she elaborated on that or not. She then berated me for “not listening to Reason.” I mentioned how he offered to pay back $150 in Chick-Fil-A, but I don’t remember that giving her pause. Regardless, I went to Disney that day, with my bank account intact. 

A few weeks ago, I had one of those arguments with my mom and sister where a bunch of past grievances came up, and my sister brought up this incident. My mother said that it was “hurtful” that I called out my brother’s lack of fiscal responsibility in front of everyone, and she kept insisting that it was hurtful even after I pointed out that this was a fact everyone in the room at that time knew about. I’m not a Ben Shapiro fan by any stretch of the imagination, but he’s right: facts don’t care about your feelings. 

My sister was continuing to give me shit about it, when I pointed out he offered to pay me back in Chick-Fil-A. 

This time, it gave her pause. But then she angrily replied: “Well, you should have just given him the money anyway, because you had so much of it.” 

I walked away from that argument completely baffled by my mom and sister’s twisted logic. There’s no way  they thought that letting him borrow money was a genuinely good decision. Their pauses told me I had a point. So why did they keep insisting that I should have done it anyway?

I was still baffled about this last night when I was watching a YouTube video about gaslighting. I posted in the comments section, “I don’t know if this is gaslighting and don’t use that phrase lightly...” and launched into my story. 

Almost immediately, I got a reply from another user, who said:

“They probably wanted something that you giving him the money depended on. It’s not quite gaslighting, it’s more like turning butthurt and throwing insults at someone that does not give you what you want. Immature and childish, using the appearance of hurt feelings to gain control over you. A grown man should have more pride in his money. Maybe the money was for something other than a Disney ticket.”

I replied back with a simple: “Now that I think about it, it probably was.” 

The more I’ve thought about it today, the more I’m almost certain it was. 

On its face, this situation makes absolutely no sense. Even if we went with the narrative that my mom and my sister are the dumbest people to have ever lived on Earth (which they aren’t), their reactions to this situation still  make no sense.

But if you add the possibility that the money wasn’t  for a Disney ticket, then things start adding up.

As I’ve already established, my brother was financially in the red at this point. More than usual. I knew he was on some sort of plan to borrow money from my mom and stepdad, and to pay them back. As far as I know, this plan had mixed success. I also knew my sister let him borrow money. 

I sat around at dinner conversations where all three of them complained that he hadn’t paid them back. Surprise, surprise. 

I remember a few years ago, when my dad had an explosive breakup with his ex-fiancee, how he moved in with my eldest sister (not the one already mentioned) and her then-husband and daughter. My eldest sister was letting him borrow so much money, that she was borrowing from my mom and stepdad to let him borrow money. Robbing Peter to pay Paul. After a point, my mom and stepdad put a stop to it, and my eldest sister had to tell my dad that she could no longer let him borrow money. My eldest sister at one point complained about how our father reveled in “how good it felt to buy stuff again” and how she just nodded along, obviously full of suppressed resentment. To my understanding, my mom and stepdad gave her this money, knowing what the situation was. I guess that’s just what family is for. When I was with my siblings, I made the radical suggestion that we shouldn’t let our father borrow money from us. I can’t remember if this was explicitly stated, but the attitude towards my suggestion was that it was heartless. It hasn’t happened (yet), but I’ve had my “no speech” rehearsed for when my dad asks for me to lend him money since this time period (7-8 years). 

Now that I look back, there was no moment where we all went around the room and decided who was going to give my brother money. The idea that that the person was going to be me was more implied, almost as if it was decided beforehand.

Call it what you will. Conspiracy, intervention, or collusion. My immediate family also has a history of coordinated group effort, usually spearheaded by one or both of my sisters and my mom being the accomplice. 

Almost exactly ten years ago, I was the center of one of these group efforts. In a sleazy condo rented out by my dad’s adoptive mother (now deceased), both of my sisters and my now former brother-in-law told me that we wouldn’t leave the condo unless I told them everything I did with my on-and-off boyfriend at the time. This was the summer, and one of our “off” periods, and I was reeling from what would be the first of many of our micro-breakups. Even though I was 13 at the time, we had unprotected oral sex. It was irresponsible, and I was too young to be doing that, but thankfully I got no STDs from it. I should add that this was consensual. I felt horrible about being forced to give very intimate details about what I did with a boy I was crazy about at the time and still thinking about despite our “off” period. 

I begged them not to tell my mom, which they said they wouldn’t. Not only did they tell her, but they told her before  that night in the condo. They already knew everything from the detailed journals I kept. I don’t remember exactly how I found this out, but it was months later in the car with the sister I’ve mentioned most frequently, and by that point my then-boyfriend and I were back to business as usual. When I brought up that they forced me to tell them really private stuff, my sister said “we didn’t force it out of you.” I’m pretty sure I pointed out the part where our eldest sister said “We’re not leaving unless you tell us what you did.” I don’t remember my other sister directly or indirectly responding to that. 

I think there’s two types of naivety. There’s personal naivety, when you’re not good at reading another person’s character. And then there’s social naivety, when you’re not good at reading a situation for what it is. I think I’m good at judging a person’s character, but I’m not always great at reading a situation. My emotional intelligence scores seem to think so, as well. The EQ tests I took measure emotional intelligence in four different areas: self awareness, self management, social awareness, and relationship management. I’ve taken this test twice, over a year apart. Even though all my scores have improved, the pattern remains the same: my highest skill is self awareness, and my lowest is social awareness. Now’s a good time to mention that I have Asperger’s, and was even diagnosed as having moderate-to-severe Autism as an infant. 

I’ve spent weeks, months, sometimes years fixating on social situations that absolutely baffled me, and I’ve realized that I took most of those baffling situations at face value. I never looked at these situations with nuance until it was usually too late. Once, I was completely baffled as to why the best friend of my high school crush would try and call me at 4 AM. What kind of person calls at 4 AM?  Three weeks later, it dawned on me that those were Peak Booty Call Hours. Thinking about my social life sometimes feels like the equivalent of watching The Office, and realizing you’re Michael Scott.

Now I realize that every time someone tried to manipulate me, whether it was for sex, money, or information, my lack of social awareness was usually the thing they were preying on. Consciously or unconsciously, they were banking on me to not recognize the subtext of a situation. And if this attempt on their part was unsuccessful, it was usually because I found a minor plot hole. 

It was never about the Disney ticket, I’m sure now. I don’t know exactly what it was about, but I’m bound to find out sooner or later. I always do. The Disney ticket was just a fairy tale that was made up to convince me to do something that I wouldn’t have agreed to in a million years. 

I’m sure the writers of this fairy tale thought that I loved food so much to the point that I would risk parting with a significant amount of money just to get Chick-Fil-A. Hell, my brother probably wouldn’t have been timely on those payments, either.

 I’m sure they thought that guilt-tripping me would work, even though none of us were raised Catholic. I’m sure they thought that making me feel like I’m crazy and stupid (and saying as much) would spur me to action, but they’ve used that plot point so many times that I’ve learned to turn it on its head. 

My only question now is why they couldn’t be honest with me.

[banesapothecary]

I’m so furious (at you for making me feel this way) - an enemies to friends to lovers birthday fic for @lightwormsiblings 💖 

read on ao3

“The grump is in this class,” Magnus whispers to Maia as they take their seats. It’s the first day of classes, the new semester ripping them away from the sanctuary of winter break with the promise of boring first lectures and slowly going over the syllabus in every single class.

Maia snorts, zeroing in on Alec Lightwood, the grump himself, instantly. Magnus had shared an 18th Century English lit class with him the semester before, and the experience had been enlightening, to say the least. The grump hadn’t liked a single text they’d read last semester. Granted, the Enlightenment wasn’t Magnus’s favorite period of literary history, either, but they were English majors and how does someone not like a single text out of about twenty? And not to mention, every time he spoke in class was downright pessimistic and cynical and very much the definition of brooding. Magnus really doesn’t know how Alec didn’t like Pride and Prejudice. The grump was basically Darcy.

“Great,” Maia laughs, pulling a notebook and pen out of her bag. “Now I can finally experience him first-hand instead of hearing you complain later.”

“Oh, you’ll definitely still be hearing me complain later. You can commiserate with me now, though,” Magnus says helpfully, earning a groan.

The rest of the class fills pretty quickly, but Magnus hasn’t looked away from the grump. He probably should, he thinks. The grump doesn’t deserve his time, nor his hatred. It probably wouldn’t affect him in any way, Magnus thinks with a frown. That simply won’t do. Magnus wants to be a thorn in the grump’s side for no reason other than he simply just doesn’t understand how someone can dislike absolutely everything.

Finally his attention is diverted when the professor enters the room with the syllabus papers tucked under his arm.

***

The semester is both remarkably and unsurprisingly just like the previous. Mr. Grump never seems pleased by anything they read in class, which Magnus simply cannot fathom for this course. Modernism is an odd period, but it’s eccentric and mocking and full of contradictions. It has dadaism for god’s sake. How could anyone not be happy to learn about the art movement that eventually evolved into memes?

Magnus needs to this man to crack. He needs to find out what makes him tick, what makes him so much as smile.

“It can’t possibly be healthy to frown that often and consistently,” Magnus tells Maia a few weeks into the course. Maia simply rolls her eyes, turning back to Professor Garroway’s powerpoint on The Importance of Being Earnest.

“Alright, everyone. I’ve assigned discussion groups for today and a series of questions for you all, and then we’ll come back together and hear as many thoughts as we can before class is dismissed,” the professor says, earning a mixture of sighs and groans from the class.

Professor Garroway runs through the names, sending Maia off without him, Magnus notes glumly. His own name isn’t called until the final group. He sits up sharply, eyes squinting a bit in dismay as he realizes the grump hasn’t been called either.

“Alec, Magnus, Raj, and Grace, you’ll be the last group.”

With a resigned sigh, Magnus stands and joins the rest of his group, refusing to so much as even look at Mr. Grumpy Pants. Instead, he focuses his gaze on the sheet of discussion questions.

“‘Discuss Wilde’s interest in the duality of the self,’” he says, reading off the first question to the group. “Well,” Magnus starts, “he was a gay man in a time that homosexuality was a punishable crime. He certainly spent much of his life hiding that aspect of himself from others.”

“He was caught, eventually, though.” Magnus’s eyes snap up to meet Alec’s. “He went to prison and died shortly after his release,” the grump continues. Of course, he went pessimistic. It’s a fact, though, and Magnus really, really shouldn’t be this annoyed. His blood boils.

Raj slides the paper away from Magnus to peek at the questions. “‘How is Wilde’s interest reflected in texts like The Importance of Being Earnest and The Picture of Dorian Gray?,’” he reads.

“In Dorian Gray, his misdeeds are literally reflected in the portrait,” Grace says. “He doesn’t age, but the portrait gets uglier and uglier.”

“Same,” Alec mutters under his breath, earning a snicker from Grace. Magnus just stares, unable to form words. The grump just joked. It was self-depreciating, sure, but he joked. Magnus wonders if he’ll see pigs flying around if he were to look out the window.

“In Importance of Being Earnest there’s lots of great polite but exceedingly petty scenes,” Raj says. “Like the tea scene with Cecily and Gwendolen.”

“The sugar!” Grace exclaims. “That was iconic. Do you think Wilde was petty like that?”

“I sure hope so,” Magnus laughs. “Can you imagine? The man wore a purple velvet coat. Wilde must’ve been wild at parties, if you know what I mean.” Alec stares at him, as if he can’t quite believe Magnus made such a ridiculous joke. Maybe that’s how he can get under his skin, Magnus thinks for half a second. Maybe the grump despises puns. Magnus certainly wouldn’t be surprised.

But then the grump surprises him. Alec laughs. He tries to hide it in his arm, but he can’t stop the shaking of his shoulders or the gleam in his eye. Alexander Lightwood, the grump to end all grumps, laughed. At a pun. And not even a good one, Magnus thinks.

Before he can say anything else, Professor Garroway calls everyone back to attention. The rest of the class passes quickly as each group shares. “Don’t forget about the exam on Monday,” the professor calls as they all head for the door.

Magnus snags Alec’s arm before he can think better of it. Alec turns to him with a raised eyebrow. “I was wondering if you’d want to get coffee and study together sometime this weekend? Maia and I were planning to camp out in Java Jones, if you’d like to join us.”

Alec hesitates for a moment, opening his mouth in silence. Finally he nods. “Yeah, that’d be great actually.” He gestures to Magnus’s phone. “I can give you my number, so we can figure out a time.”

***

Alec’s smile is beautiful. Magnus notices every time he sees him now. He can’t believe he never noticed before. There’s so much more to Alexander Lightwood than just a grump, and Magnus is grateful to have learned it.

He just hopes Alec feels the same way.

They’ve hung out several times since that first study session, getting coffee or lunch occasionally. Just as friends, but Magnus is beginning to think he wants more. He doesn’t want small, polite, friendly smiles from Alexander Lightwood. He wants so much more. He wants a smile that’s just for him, one that speaks of trust and affection and maybe even love.

Hatred walks a fine line from love, Magnus has realized over the last few weeks. Maybe if he’d paid better attention in his literature classes instead of shooting glares and imaginary daggers at his grumpy new friend--crush, he thinks immediately--he would’ve seen that a long time ago.

Now he’s standing outside of Alec’s apartment, hand raised to knock but not quite ready to connect with the door. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes as he slowly exhales and tries to ground himself. His heart feels as though it’s about to lift off. “You can do this, Bane,” he mutters to himself.

It’s not like he hasn’t faced rejection before. It’ll hurt, and he knows that, but he’ll be okay, won’t he? He survived his last breakup, survived the gifts of pain and feelings of inadequacy that she’d given him when she left and twisted in the knife. He could certainly handle Alec Lightwood rejecting him. Hatred and love, he thinks again, almost making himself laugh at the thought of referring to him solely as some variation of “Grumpy” again.

He knocks before he loses his nerve and the door swings open a moment later. Alec’s eyes widen at the sight of him.

“Magnus, hey,” Alec says. “What’s up? We weren’t supposed to meet for coffee, or something, were we?” There’s a slight tinge of worry in his voice and Magnus’s heart feels soft.

“No, but I, uh...I wanted to ask you if you wanted to get dinner tonight?” Magnus asks, hating how nervous his own voice sounds.

“Yeah, sure,” Alec answers immediately, like it’s no big deal. “Why couldn’t you just text me?” he asks and Magnus realizes. Oh. He doesn’t know I mean—

“No, I meant, uh...I meant like a date, Alexander,” he says, already preparing himself for the worst.

He doesn’t need to worry, though.

Alec’s smile consumes his face, eyes lighting up in a way that’s almost disbelieving. He reaches out and takes Magnus’s hand in his own. “Oh, well the answer is absolutely, then.” My very own Darcy, Magnus thinks.