#in a very surface level way. like i think they say that out loud

[astrid-beck]

also matt liked a tweet saying essek wouldn't care about caleb aging

Like I'm sure he'd be sad about his friend and lover dying but that's just what being human means

[beanghostprincess]

It still amazes me the number of people who see the juxtaposition between Nami and Usopp during Wano and their fight against Ulti as "Nami's devotion to Luffy is unmatched, unlike Usopp's" when she isn't able to say he won't be the king of the pirates but Usopp is telling her to lie.

I think most people don't have in mind, either, that Usopp isn't the one being directly asked. He is looking out for Nami and begging her to lie to keep her alive because he is scared to death they might lose her for something as insignificant as lying. For him, lying is a form of survival and it is not that big of a deal because he trusts Luffy enough to tell Nami to lie about her feelings. It is something that will only stay between them because he knows it is better to lie than to die and Luffy would want it that way too.

And that doesn't mean he isn't loyal to Luffy or his dream. He is just looking out for Nami's safety. And as I said-- He isn't being asked directly, either. It is easier to tell others to lie about something of the sort than to do it yourself, and if the roles were reversed I personally think he'd have the most awful of times with it too.

Nami refuses to say Luffy won't become the king of the pirates because for her, even if lying has gotten her out of messes, she puts her trust and loyalty in Luffy before her own instincts of survival because lying is what got her to push them away when they first met and this is the one thing she can't lie about because it would hurt more than death.

Then again, I think she would do the same exact thing Usopp did if she wasn't being the one asked. It is the whole point of the scene, actually. They both know the most rational thing is to lie so the one witnessing the scene will always be cold-headed about it, but the one having to lie is the one suffering the bitter realization of how lying about this and saying it out loud is way harder than it seems from an outsider's perspective.

So I am tired of seeing people criticizing Usopp for his decision during the fight against Ulti as if it were that easy for him to see Nami being about to get killed if she doesn't lie. Sorry for the guy to actually want to protect the people he loves instead of letting her be reckless and basically kill herself freely for telling a truth even Luffy would tell her to lie about if it meant living.

[skipppppy]

No offence but I feel like some people got a little too comfortable with telling people to touch grass and swung all the way round to just straight up shaming anyone who might have a less active social life than them to feel better about themselves. “She should be at the club” was a really funny meme until people started acting like fucking middle school bullies towards people who don’t go out with their friends a lot. All those drinking/drugs/sex milestone polls were fun to engage with until it became a wierd circlejerk making fun of people who haven’t done those things before. People on twitter are once again dogpiling someone for wanting queer social spaces that don’t revolve around alcohol or loud music and telling them it’s their own fault for not having friends.

Like I get that nightclubs and sex have strong ties to queer culture and are often the first targets in the hellscape of respectability politics. It’s important we remember our roots and protect these spaces from conservative scrutiny. I mean that. They are important. But just on a surface level it seems like people are starting to see having an inactive social life as some kind of moral failing which…it’s not. I feel like an insane person for feeling like I have to say this on the fucking queer autism website but like. You aren’t inherently a bad person if you don’t have friends. You aren’t “falling behind” if you haven’t had your first kiss in your 20s or never done drugs. The real world isn’t a movie. And if you see someone who doesn’t go out much and instinctually think “wow what a terminally online loser. I bet their social life sucks because they’re a sheltered creep and not because of systemic barriers beyond their control” you need to have a long hard look at why you feel that way.

There are very real barriers that prevent isolated people from finding community and connection. Do you think you’re superior for being able to breach them? Time, money, sobriety, accessibility, none of those factors were a problem for you, so it shouldn’t be for them, right? Right?

[comas-are-for-sleeping]

i really didn't understand how important having friends is until now tbh

[lordsovorn]

Strange how people keep saying that "Shuro hates in Laios the same traits he supposedly loves in Falin", which is...

Seriously, look at him and his dialogue - does he hate Laios for being a monster freak? For being nerdy and weird and loving nature? For eating bugs? No, that's not it.

Shuro hates* Laios for being so profoundly socially inept (from his perspective).

The key difference between Touden siblings isn't that Falin is a pretty girl - the key difference is that Falin is caring and accommodating to other people, and Laios is awkward and unobservant, seemingly egotistic at the surface level.

(others have already written wonderful essays on why and how they grew up like that)

It has to be noted that Shuro is a sheltered noble from a land where proper etiquette is paramount - he is used to people being incredibly subtle AND incredibly observant around him. He comes from a high-context culture where everyone assumes things based on lots of social cues and shared understanding of context. That's not even a matter of being neurotypical, that's his culture (in addition to his personality and brain chemistry)

He is also rather introverted as person and doesn't have many friends. Even his attachments and emotions in childhood are expressed subtly, in a restrained and proper way. He is polite and refined, perfectly fitting into his house's expectations - even if that means repressing his childhood interests and little weird joys.

In that particular way, the opposite of Laios.

Shuro hates* Laios for being the opposite of the image HE was grown into. This strange man is so utterly insensitive and so open about it - he has no sense of shame (like Shuro), no tact and ability to shut up (like Shuro), no restraint (like Shuro). Look at him talking non-stop about things he wants to talk about and having fun (unlike Shuro) while completely overestepping Shuro's obvious boundaries!

The boundaries, I must say, that not only never before needed to be spelled out, but in Shuro's upbringing and culture would be as ridiculous to spell out as "I want to pee, so I'll go to the bathroom and remove my pants and sit on the toilet and release the sphincter holding my pee in my pee bladder"

Falin is not only awesome in his eyes for being weird and in touch with nature, but for being very delicate, observant and caring AT THE SAME TIME. She is a gem in Shuro's eyes, a miracle of his dreams.

In Falin, he not only sees a nerd-freak - he sees a hope for an introverted, polite, restrained person like himself to reconnect with that love for nature and nerdiness and freakiness.

Laios isn't like that. Laios is unobservant for subtle cues - and so a lot more loud, persistent, enthusiastic and unwittingly annoying. Yes, Falin has all that inside her too - but she restrains herself in order not to be a burden. And so does Shuro, in order to fit expectations. There's similarity between them in that regard, between two introverted and restrained weirdos. And a hope for a kindred, more open soul, from the more restrained Shuro's perspective.

* - I don't think Shuro's feelings to Laios are properly described as hate. Yeah, in his darkest moment he says that, but honestly it felt more like an accumulated stress from a continuous cultural and personal misunderstanding, rather than a profound personal hate.

...

What was the post about?.. Oh, yeah, Shuro loving Falin and disliking Laios. That's not him being too horny to think, that's him loving in Falin the defining difference between the two - they aren't gender-swapped clones, after all. Give my boy some respect and nuance.

[multigenderswag]

I'd like to talk for a bit about the genre of post that's like "sure you're a boygirl fagdyke genderfreak but do you respect [trans identity]?" I think these sorts of posts do address a lot of important points, such as:

Even if you're genderqueer and going "gender isn't real! smash the binary!" there's a real possibility you haven't unlearned or might still be upholding some very transphobic sentiments, and you should do some introspection about that

Some people only want acceptance for their trans identity but don't want to do the work to deconstruct what gender looks like, stop holding other people to their own gendered expectations, and unlearn their internalized bigotry about different trans identities

Sometimes the [trans identity] is specifically relevant to the identities referenced, such as people who will do surface level acceptance of "boygirls" but then call multigender people problematic for using "contradictory" terms like male lesbian, or asking "are you normal about intersex people?" to point out the prevalent intersexism in the multigender community.

But if the [trans identity] or intersex identity being asked about isn't related to multigender community issues, it seems a little strange to consistently single out labels like boygirl and fagdyke that tend to be used by multigender people in these posts. All kinds of trans people can be transphobic about other trans identities. All kinds of trans people are capable of fighting for their own acceptance but not anyone else's. But these posts are pretty frequently just about boygirl fagdykes.

It reminds me of posts about a "theyfab named Sock being transmisogynistic." Are there transmisogynistic FTX nonbinary people? Yes, no one is immune from perpetuating transmisogyny. But these types of posts are still exorsexist.

Similarly, though I'm not saying the pattern of "sure you're a boygirl fagdyke genderfreak but do you respect [trans identity]" is necessarily exorsexist or transmultiphobic, since like I said they do address important points, some of which actually are multigender community issues. But people do use those types of posts to be really transmultiphobic and exorsexist, but in an "acceptable" way, because the boygirls are transphobic so it's okay to hate them.

Some examples in the notes of this sort of post asking 'are you normal about trans women?":

This assumes that multigender identities are only an online thing, only a young person thing, that all multigender people look cis in real life, that no multigender person has experienced real transphobia.

Again, this assumes that no multigender person "looks like a freak" for their gender, that they never struggle with transphobia offline. And straight up saying they have a "huge issue" with girlboy genders.

Multigender labels aren't "performative titles," they're our genders. This person is just straight up admitting they think our genders are fake, that they're only "titles" and not real fucking identities.

"I tend to Not like multigender people" okay so we're just saying the quiet part out loud now

By all means, keep talking about intracommunity transphobia. It's important. But don't throw multigender people under the bus to do so.

[dandylovesturtles]

havin' all these Splinter and Leo thoughts. augh.

this is partly the fault of @/turtleblogatlast's post about Leo just wanting to make Splinter proud.

post-movie

...

Seven days post-invasion, and Leo is feeling (relatively) pretty good. Sure, he's still on a truly ridiculous amount of painkillers and he can't walk two steps without collapsing, but he's able to stay awake and talk to his family and considering where he thought he would be right about now, well... that's everything.

So yeah, he's feeling pretty good. He just finished his lunch of soup and a protein shake, warm and a little drowsy while he listens to April talk about some of the more ridiculous conspiracy theories that have started spreading on the surface. Donnie's tinkering with one of his smaller inventions while he listens, Mikey is nestled in Raph's lap, and everything is calm and cozy in their makeshift medbay.

And then his dad walks in and says, "I would like to talk to Blue, please. Alone."

And suddenly Leo doesn't feel so good anymore.

"Aha, wait," he says quickly, reaching out and grabbing April's sleeve just before she rises from her chair. "Whatever it is, you can say it in front of everyone, right?"

Splinter shakes his head. "This is a conversation I think it is best we have in private." He makes a shooing motion at the others, and April pulls her sleeve from Leo's fingers with a helpless shrug.

"See ya in a few, Leo," she says, then walks out. The others look from Splinter, to him, then back to Splinter, and one by one they each get up and shuffle out, too, with their own hasty farewells.

Traitors, every single one of them.

The door closes, and Leo finds himself alone with Splinter for the first time since coming back from Staten Island. Or at least, the first time he can remember. He was pretty out of it the first few days; most of what he remembers is muddled and confused. And embarrassing. He cried a lot more than he'd care to admit.

Splinter hops into chair April was sitting in and pulls it closer; he has to stay standing to be anywhere near eye level with Leo. He wishes he could read Splinter's face, but his expression is giving nothing away. Sometimes it's easy to forget he spent a not-insignificant part of his life as an actor, until something like this happens.

Leo decides to speak before he can. Head him off at the pass, or something.

"If you're going to yell at me, just remember my eardrums are already damaged."

Which is true - turns out being 1, too close to an exploding alien spaceship and 2, getting punched in the head repeatedly by an alien very mad about said exploding spaceship is bad for the ears, even when you don't have outer ears like a human. So super loud noises are a bad idea right now, and thus Leo cannot be yelled at. Flawless logic; maybe he can keep using that every time he gets in trouble.

For the first time, his dad's expression shifts, just a little. A deeper frown, a heavier set to his brow.

"You think I came in here to yell at you?"

Leo feels his stomach twist. Does he have to spell it out? "I mean, didn't you? That's usually what kicking everyone else out is leading up to."

"I see..." Splinter is still unreadable, looking a little too intensely at Leo. "And what do you think I want to yell at you about?"

He really does want it spelled out. Leo suddenly realizes that there won't be any yelling because this is his punishment: to admit everything he's done, to speak all his sins for his dad's ears. Lay it all out in his own tongue and show that he understands, really and truly, the depths of his screwups.

Oh, he understands. He understands it so well he may choke on the words.

"...For losing the key," he says finally, and it stings on its way out. He hasn't talked about it since it happened; every time he tries to say anything to the others, they shush him, saying, "It's okay, Leo, everything is fine now."

It's not okay, and everything isn't fine, and this is when he finally hears about it.

Finally, an identifiable emotion on Splinter's face: horror, dawning clear and present. And Leo doesn't understand that, because doesn't Splinter know he lost the key? He was there for that conversation, wasn't he? Leo's memories of that day have grown a little hazy between the drugs and the recovery and the fact that thinking about it for too long makes him go fuzzy around the edges, but he's pretty sure he remembers Splinter being there. He flicked popcorn at Leo's head. He probably should have done more than that; maybe then Leo wouldn't have made such a mess of things.

Splinter doesn't say anything right away, just stares at Leo with that horrified expression, and the silence is so scary that Leo starts filling it without even thinking.

"I was kidding about the whole... not yelling at me thing. I know I deserve it. I mean, I was fooling around, doing what you and Raph told me not to do, and I doomed the whole world doing it! Some leader I am, right? And I know I'm not exactly your favorite son to begin with, and that's fair, because I keep letting you down, but this is definitely my worst screwup to date, and you yell at me when I don't close the fridge door all the way or throw balls around the TV room so why wouldn't you yell at me for destroying the planet, right...?"

His voice peters out at the end, too hoarse to continue. That's the most words he's strung together over the last week, and for the first time he's glad for his injuries, for stopping him from spewing any more embarrassing word vomit just to fill the air.

Splinter is still looking at him with that same horrified expression. If anything, he just looks more upset, which means that Leo at least accomplished his goal.

Leo's waiting for the yelling to start, but when Splinter finally says something, it's, "You think I have a favorite son?" throwing Leo for a loop once again.

"Uh, yeah?" he says, because that's all there is to say. He's always assumed it's Donnie - the "funny one", the one who fixes Splinter's TV when it's broken, and the only one of them likely to get a real job and move out of the house. But even if it's not Donnie, it's gotta be Mikey, or Raph. His brothers are amazing and talented, and all Leo has ever been good at is winning the Lair Games.

Splinter closes his eyes a moment, and when he opens them his face moves back to a more neutral expression. "I do not have a favorite son," he says, firm and serious. "I love all of you just the same."

Leo thinks that can't be true - if it is, he feels bad for the other guys. But he doesn't think he can just say that, so he says, "Yeah, Dad, of course," instead.

Splinter looks a bit crestfallen. "You don't believe me?" he asks, and shoot. Leo has no idea how to respond to that.

"...I know you love us," is what he says. And that's true, it is! He just doesn't know how his dad could like him as much as the others.

Splinter's expression turns sad. He reaches out and lays a furry hand on Leo's arm, careful of his bandages and all the many wires he's hooked to. "You think you doomed the world?"

"I lost the key," Leo repeats. "It was all my fault. It's why I had to..." His voice fumbles over the words, and he revises. "It's why it had to be me."

Splinter's mouth twists. He climbs out of the chair and onto the mattress, careful not to jostle Leo as he settles down on his knees.

"Blue," he says softly, gently palming Leo's face this time. "None of this was your fault."

Leo's stomach twists again. He thought he was being punished, but somehow this is worse.

"Yes it was," he argues. "I lost the key," for the third time, "and... and I ignored the order to retreat, and got Raph captured, and and and, I ignored the guys and tried to force our way into Metro Tower, and it was me who told Donnie to try to fly that stupid ship, and because of me Mikey had to-"

"Leonardo," says Splinter, sharp, and Leo goes silent. His dad looks devastated, but he keeps his hand on Leo's cheek, brushing with his thumb, and for the first time Leo realizes his skin is wet. Splinter sighs heavily, his entire frame seeming to droop with the weight of it.

"Leonardo," he repeats, softly this time. "You did not doom the world."

"But-"

A furry finger on his lip quiets him.

"You did not doom the world," Splinter repeats, once again firm and serious. "You did not take the theft of the key seriously, because you did not know what it was, the threat it represented. But it was the Foot Clan who chose to use that key, fully knowing what evil it would unleash. That is not on you, my son. The responsibility falls squarely on them."

Leo doesn't know how much he can believe that - isn't it their job to stop the Foot Clan? But Splinter looks so sure as he says it, and his hand is still tender on Leo's cheek, and for the first time a little bit of doubt seeps into Leo's heart, telling him that maybe, just maybe, this wasn't all his fault after all.

But still...

"Even if that's true," he says, with heavy emphasis on the if, "everything I did after that-"

"You are young," his dad interrupts. "You are inexperienced. You are learning. And the amount of growth you showed us all, even over just that one day... You shined as brightly as I know you can."

Again, Leo's stomach does a twist - but it's a happier one, this time. Splinter's voice is sincere, leaving no room for doubt, and Leo can almost, almost believe that this is true, that his dad has believed in him from the very beginning. Has seen something in him, whatever it was that led him to make Leo the leader, that lead to him putting trust in Leo.

He just wishes he felt like he'd done more to earn it.

"You did not doom the world," says his dad again. "You saved it. But, it never should have been like that to begin with. You should never have been facing down such a fierce foe so young, especially as alone as you boys were. And you-"

His voice becomes choked up, and Leo's heart lurches.

"You... sacrificed yourself to save us all. I... I am your father, and I... could not protect you."

He's crying. His dad is crying, and Leo feels panic, reaching out to try and stop this.

"Dad-"

"No." Splinter holds up a hand, giving his head a hard shake. "All I ever wanted for you boys was to save you from the sacrifices asked of our family. And yet I could not - and for that, you paid dearly. You almost paid the ultimate price, and we almost lost you forever."

A thick knot forms in Leo's throat, and he can barely get out, "I'm okay, Dad, I'm here."

"Yes you are." Splinter squeezes his shoulder desperately. "You are here. You are safe. But that doesn't change that it should not have been you to begin with."

Leo watches in dawning horror as Splinter steps back, then kneels over on the mattress.

"This is why I came in here, Blue. Not to yell at you. To apologize."

He presses his forehead against the sheets.

"I am so sorry that I could not protect you."

He's crying. So is Leo, openly now. He reaches out for his dad, fumbling for his shoulders and urging him to straighten up.

"No, Dad... This wasn't your fault!"

"But-"

"No! It was just... it was just a really, really shitty thing that happened, okay? It was the Foot Clan, and the Krang, but it wasn't- it wasn't..."

Splinter raises his face and looks at him, and suddenly the words he's been trying to get Leo to believe for the last several minutes barrel into him and Leo crumbles.

"...I didn't have to do it," he says.

"No." Splinter gets up, coming closer. "You had nothing to atone for. You did it because you are brave, and you are kind, but this was never yours to fix."

Leo sucks in one harsh breath, then another, and then he's sobbing harder than he ever has in his life, and his dad hugs him tight, his arms warm and his fur soft where Leo buries his face in his shoulder.

All the feelings he's pushed aside - the ones he didn't think he had the right to feel, because he'd had to do it, he had to make up for his mistakes - bubble over, gripping him with grief and despair but also relief, that he's still here to cry and be hugged by his dad.

"I was so scared."

"I know."

"I thought I wouldn't see you guys again."

"I know. We thought we had lost you, too."

"I just... I didn't know what else to do... I couldn't let him... I couldn't..."

"Shhh, it's alright. It's over now. We're all safe."

Leo hugs his dad back, as tightly as he can with his injuries, and sobs and sobs until he's all out of tears. And all along, his dad tells him he is safe, he is good, and he is loved.

Later, Leo feels even better than he had before.

[ponett]

Whenever I complain about graphic or dark content in media I watch, I keep hearing people retort with this apparently very popular opinion that people who enjoy comfy, wholesome things are actually more likely to be raging assholes than people who love things like death metal and gore. As someone who seems to enjoy comfy, wholesome things yourself and likely met many others who enjoy similar such things, do you agree with this opinion? If so, why do you think this happens?

So I've been sitting on this ask for like a week, not knowing whether or not I wanted to touch it because it kind of feels like being handed a live grenade

For one, I don't like being pigeonholed as someone who just likes "comfy" or "wholesome" things. Yeah, I enjoy My Little Pony and Animal Crossing. I made a game with cute furry characters and lots of bright colors. I also enjoy things like Berserk and Chainsaw Man and Doom and violent crime dramas and punk rock with vulgar lyrics and porn. Variety is the spice of life

Anyway: I generally don't think it's a good idea to make sweeping statements about peoples' moral or intellectual character based on what genres of story they enjoy, regardless of what direction you're coming at it from. But this is a very leading question that kind of skirts around the root problems

There's frequent (perhaps a bit exaggerated) pushback these days against people who prefer their fiction to be a warm blanket, a form of escapism meant to distract you from the real world. In particular, the dreaded "person who only watches kids' cartoons" is a form of this that gets brought up a lot. I don't think the root problem here is what media people enjoy or don't personally enjoy - taste is subjective, and I don't think it's a moral obligation for everyone to have diverse tastes in TV shows - but I do think some folks should try to get out of their comfort zone a bit more. Sometimes stuff that seems like it won't be for you on a surface level will really end up speaking to you, but you won't know until you give it a shot. Trust me, I've been there many times

It becomes a problem when people demand that media ONLY cater to that "warm blanket" attitude. And I think that's part of the reason why that stereotype you mentioned about fans of ""wholesome""" media being assholes exists. People who view dark or violent content as an inherent flaw because it's not what they like. People who yell at creators when they make bad things happen in their stories, because how dare you do this to my comfort characters? People who say movies should never have sex scenes. People who want "problematic" moral complexity stripped out in favor of black and white moral instruction. People who seem to hate any sort of interpersonal conflict in fiction at all

These attitudes can be the result of many different cultural factors, factors that can't all be traced back to Tumblr or what shows you like, but sometimes it's definitely because of that lack of broader perspective on media. You can tell when someone's opinions on The Right And Wrong Ways To Write Fiction were shaped almost entirely by, like, Steven Universe discourse. (Yes, this is a jab at Lily Orchard.) And when these people are very loud about their opinions, well, it becomes a trend people notice

Like. I don't know you. You sent this anonymously. But when you say you "complain about graphic or dark content in media you watch"... that could mean a few wildly different things! Maybe you're just venting about something that unexpectedly triggered you, and that's totally fine. But the wording could also imply that, like, you take issue with these things being present at all, and that you expect a person who likes "death metal and gore" to be more of a "raging asshole" than someone who likes the "wholesome" things you like. So... well, maybe you're more dismissive or judgmental of things outside your comfort zone than you realize?

Unfortunately, in case it's not already obvious, on the internet this shit quickly becomes a proxy battle over dozens of intersecting cultural issues at once where everyone is kinda just talking past each other. So it gets messy

For example, I have no reason to believe that the people who run the "Wholesome Games" showcases have anything against games that are dark or violent or contain adult themes. (They've outright said they don't. Many times!) But when you see people going "why is Spiritfarer allowed in the showcase? That's a game about DEATH and that's NOT WHOLESOME, why would you make me think about death?" or "Ugh, why does Disco Elysium have to be about a cop? Why can't we apply these systems to a game about a young witch who's trying to find a lost cat in an idyllic village instead?" it... Well, it makes me sympathetic towards the indies who don't feel comfortable with the "Wholesome Games" label and consider it limiting. But it also doesn't make me think that devs catering to a demand for more chill, nonviolent video games are categorically facilitating fascist censorship from the Christian right

It's complicated! The written word is imprecise and the internet is a nightmare

I've kind of gone off on multiple tangents here. Basically: I do think that people can kinda turn fans of "comfy" media or "adults who only watch Bluey" into an overblown boogeyman these days. I think people online generally have a habit of swinging too hard in one direction or another in their stances on certain things, overcompensating based on what group of people online are currently annoying them the most and turning said group into like The Main Problem With Society Today. But I also think that boogeyman only exists because of very real examples of people demanding that everything cater to their narrow comfort zone. Go like what you like, but also, y'know. Don't be that person

[tragantia]

I've been thinking about the 2nd part to my 'Severen during your period' headcanons, aaand the gremlin man himself has taken possession of my mind and won't leave me alone until I write this. Will I succeed at purging Severen from my system? I don't think so.

Also, I know people normally post warnings and stuff, but Severen is his own warning imo.

Severen Van Sickle – NSFW headcanons

As a bi woman, I have the authoritas to say: yes, he´s a bi king. Big bi energy. Doesn´t actually care about what's what, if he likes it, he's gonna get it. Does it have a penis? Great. A vagina? Cute. Both? Fangggtastic. Count him in, darlin'.

That being said, he loves tits. Could spend hours biting, licking, sucking. Play with his too, he likes it and can cum just from that if you're good.

In the same line as Lestat during TVL, I do think in the past he would have found men to be more appealing than women, simply because he would have had more of a common ground with them, and would have found them more interesting. He would still have had sex with women and gone to brothels regularly. But a real emotional and sexual connection? It would have taken a really unusual lady to achieve that.

Which brings me to... Being from the Wild West, he most likely lost his virginity in a brothel, or at least with a prostitute. Unless you count those times when he was still on his early teens and he and another guy would play with each other, almost innocently, trying to see what's what and how it feels, but knowing very well they can't get caught.

He's got a nice dick, not massive but long and thick. Definitely knows how to use it. Has nice big balls too, loves it if you play with them, he himself will caress them if you're giving him head.

He's hairy, it's sexy, and he knows it. Doesn't wash himself much, he likes his natural smell, and likes to smell himself on his partners as a way of showing ownership. He prefers his partners soft and freshly shaved – may even shave you himself and then eat you out.

He knows what he's doing. He's a pro. Even before being turned, he was nothing but an hedonist, and pretty much lived to do risky shit, drink, gamble and fuck. He's easy to sleep with, but difficult to keep. He can fuck you so hard and good that you'll cry, both from pain and pleasure.

He has no shame. I can think of very few things he wouldn't do when it comes to sex, and even then he may try them once to see what it's like. Also he has like, 1000 kinks. I think if he likes you, everything has the potential of becoming a kink. Pretty feet? He's suddenly into feet.

Also really into dirty talking: if he's so crude on a regular basis, you can imagine the kind of filth that comes out of his mouth in the bedroom. Also LOUD.

BLOOD KINK. I don't think I need to explain. He loves to bite his partners, but this leads to them turning... so he is sure to kill all of them afterwards. The other ones have susprised him in more than one occasion naked and completely covered in blood after his last date got out of hand – again.

If he's turned you, this escalates to a whole new level. He's constantly biting you and drinking from you, even when you're not having sex. He loves it too much, and it makes him feel close to you. It's also a sign of ownership – no one else can bite you like he does. So, sadistic: pain is pleasure.

Also a masochist. If you drink from him, get ready for the most pornographic moan you've ever heard – he's gonna cum hard.

PERIOD KINK. Again, no comments needed, but how can he resist when he catches the sweet smell coming from your pussy? Smells like delicious Christmas dinner to him.

He's a dom through and through. He likes to chase, flirt and seduce, and once he's got you trapped between his body and the mattress (or in the nearest surface) he's gonna let you know who's calling the shots.

Saying this, he does have a very playful side, and you could easily seduce him into letting you do all sorts of naughty things to him. If it feels good and it's depraved, he's all for it.

He will be his asshole self and taint you, mock you and bully you through the entire thing though. It's part of his charm. If you manage to shut him up and make him a moaning mess, he would find it sooo hot.

Will fuck you everywhere and anywhere. If there's an itch to scratch, there's a way.

If you don't have a penis, he may let you use a strap on him. Plus points if he rides you making cowboy noises. You know he would make yeehaw noises during sex. C'mon. You ride him? Yee. He rides you? Haw. 100% would refer to himself as a bronco, and to his partner as a mare etc as if already seen in other fics.

He's very dominant, but I think he has the ability of being very silly during sex and still make it really fucking hot. He would make you laugh and two seconds later you're crying and screaming from how hard he's ruining you. The only time when he'll be completely serious is if he's hate-fucking you or marking territory. Also, spanking? Yes, please?

Why can I see him fucking with his sunglasses on?

Loves to eat you out: he eats pussy, dick and ass like a boss. It's not just how experienced he is, he genuinely likes it so much he's simply really good. The way he moves his mouth and tongue is absolutely sinful. 69? Say no more.

Adores it when you give him head. Easily his favourite thing alongside with drinking blood. He will let you get comfortable and then grab your head and face-fuck you. Will take his dick out and slap your face with it, then spit on you, calling you names and making you carry on. Please swallow his cum and kiss him, he loves to taste himself in your mouth.

Filthy. Loves cum swapping. Will make you squirt if you can, then cum inside you, then lick it all up as he eats you out, moaning like the sex crazed maniac that he is. Loves to cum all over you, and doesn't like it when you wipe it off.

A bit of a breeding kink, even if he's unable to get you pregnant. Loves to cum deep inside you and tell you how he's filling you up, how good your pussy or asshole is milking him, what a good girl/boy you are for him.

Won't. Leave you. Alone. Always trying to rile you up for another round. If he's not having sex, he's thinking about it most of the time (like that Buffy episode when she reads Xander's mind lol).

Unashamedly likes porn. He's mostly into dark BDSM material, the kind of thing that was hard to come across in the 80s. Still, if one day you're in a city with an adult cinema, he's dragging you in and you end up giving each other a handjob as you watch the film. He loves it if you're shy about it, he's gonna ruin that innocence.

Exhibitionist. He loves people to see him having sex. He's good and he's hot, he likes to put on a good show. He would also like to take pictures and make short films with you if you're up for it. He once took a video of his partner jerking him off from behind until he came all over his chest and balls, he genuinely thinks it's the hottest thing ever and would soooo post it online if he could.

I think he had a threesome with the pick-up truck ladies before killing them. So yeah, into threesomes and orgies, and will love giving orders to his partners and having them horny for him, answering to whatever he wants them to do. It's all about the power dynamics. Very territorial with his partner if he has one, though. Won't like anyone else to touch them.

But, nothing beats the blood. Vampires are of course sexual creatures, but Severen legit gets hard every single time he feeds.

Loves to watch you being aggressive and brutal. If he watches you feed, get ready because he's gonna show you just how much he's enjoyed the show.

Very touchy and cuddly. If there is an emotional connection, he will pull you to his chest and cuddle you as he smokes until you fall asleep. Can get very soft after sex, but ooonly if he has a partner. If that's not the case, it's feeding time.

He's basically terrible and so much fun. Would be the best sex in your life – if you survive, of course.

I need Holy Water after this. Was this too long? It probably was too long. Now I'm gonna go and cry myself to sleep because I can't have him in this life 😌

[icysinner]

codename

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

#ID: that cute boy from your english lecture catches onto your codename for him.

nya note: there will more than likely be a pt 2 to this, me writing something other than influenced? new. may or may not be based on a true story … that’s what they saying ….

warnings: nothing crazy.. i’m connie insane atp

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

connie springer, that was his name. you only knew surface level things about him, like how he likes to dye his hair or how much he misses his mom’s cooking when he’s living on campus. you observed him, not in a creepy way, because you thought he was so cool. you’d even developed a small crush on him, one very reminiscent of the ones you get in middle and high school. connie had tons of friends, meaning you couldn’t talk about your crush out loud — it’d get back to him.

“make up a codename for him. something you and me can know. he won’t know, and nobody else will either.” your roommate, sasha, said as she wrote down her notes. “good idea – what’s a good one for him, though?” you ask, a sigh coming after. “something that stands out, maybe? something he wears?” “i got it! red, i think i’m gonna go with red.” connie’s new name, ‘red’, was made because of his adoration for cherry red jordans, shoes you wore that garnered a compliment from him.

but, the codename wasn’t as incognito as you thought — at least not when you and sasha was the ones using it. it didn’t take long for him to catch on, because the two of you were painfully obvious. “look, red’s here.” sasha poked your shoulder, making you look up to the doorway that he’d just walked through. “he’s never on time, you guys really have a lot in common.” sasha joked, making you roll your eyes and direct your attention back to him. you made accidental eye contact with him, causing you to immediately look down, making him smile to himself.

yeah, he knew. he knew very well, but he just liked pretending he didn’t know. it was fun to listen to you and sasha talking about ‘red’, like you two weren’t talking about him. connie had only talked to you a couple times, usually because he lacked a pencil or a pen, and you were the closest person who would have one. he liked asking you, though. some part of it was just enjoying watching you fluster and trip over your words, when the only answer to “do you have a pencil?” was yes or no. but also because you were pretty.

“hey, y/n.” connie said, pulling your attention away from your phone — while immediately making you nervous. “i have a question.” he continued, making you put your phone down. “what’s up?” you replied, although in your head you were reeling, this is the longest you’ve held a conversation with him..ever. “why red?” connie asked, a smile growing onto his face as pure humiliation grew onto yours. “oh my god. you know about that?”

[jaegeraether]

Sunsets and footballers (Part 37)

Jordan Nobbs x Leah Williamson Mini (1)

Masterlist (other parts here)

((**Your second chapter of the night, a more detailed look into the Jordan and Leah interaction...**))

“She loves you, Dory. Just be patient and be honest with what you need, okay? I’m a phone call away.”

Jordan’s arms tightened around her friend and she nodded. She didn’t want her to go.

“Also, if she doesn’t sleep in your bed, she’s more than welcome to sleep in mine.”

Jordan couldn’t help but scoff and slap her arm as she pulled away. Of course she wouldn’t have sex with Leah tonight. She wasn’t even sure if she’d let her come back into their home tonight.

“What? You have needs.”

YFN gave her a reassuring smile and Jordan returned it before she jumped back into the driver’s seat. She watched the two outside hugging and the sight that YFN had also become important to Leah wasn’t missed by her. She saw YFN say something to Leah, and she knew immediately that it was good, reassuring advice. She was always that person. The one you felt safe opening up to and getting advice from. It was crazy to think they hadn’t met long ago; she felt like she’d known her forever.

They exchanged a few more pleasantries before Leah got back into the car. The silence was loud. Jordan was so nervous around Leah all the time, and she found it hard to think. Luckily for her, all she needed to do was to think about the hurt she’d caused, and it helped her to shut down those surface level feelings off. She was just driving home, as if Leah wasn’t even there.

She was almost home, a fully twenty minutes of silence, when Leah’s hand was carefully placed on Jordan’s thigh, near her knee. Jordan sucked in a breath. It wasn’t sexual or flirting, she knew that. It was just the reassurance she craved. For what? She had no clue. But she didn’t move her hand and after a while, she could see Leah relaxing at the knowledge of this.

Jordan pulled into the driveway near Leah’s black Mercedes and turned the car off. Still, silence. Jordan refused to speak. She knew it wasn’t very mature, but she didn’t care. Captain Leah broke first, of course.

“Can I come inside?” She asked gently, removing her hand.

Jordan thought about it as she stared over the dash. They were two very soft, emotional people. If Leah came inside, that would be a lot of emotion and she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop it. Jordan felt more vulnerable at night, and without YFN there to keep things civil, she was worried.

“Please?” Leah whispered. It was so soft, so vulnerable and…pleading…that Jordan turned to look at her. She didn't realise how close she’d been to tears and blinked those away.

Leah had her head back against the seat and she was looking at Jordan as if she’d been staring at her for the entire car ride. She probably had. Jordan had been too focussed on anything else. Right now she looked at Leah and she’d never seen that expression before. It was pain and longing and guilt. So much guilt.

“Okay.” Jordan said, not even realising she’d said it.

They walked up to the entrance, Jordan’s pace slow and Leah’s close behind her. She could feel her watching her every move. She took her key out and tried to get it into the keyhole, her hand shaking with built up emotion. Leah appeared over her shoulder, careful not to touch her beyond her larger hand which took Jordan’s hand softly and guided it to the keyhole.

“Thanks…” She said without thinking about it. They entered and Blu was bounding towards them then, aiming straight at Leah. She grinned and picked him up, pulling him into his favourite position against her chest with one arm. He licked her face. He missed her. Jordan couldn’t help but look at them cuddling and remember how cute they were together. Leah noticed her looking.

“I miss him a lot.”

“I think he misses you too.” She admitted and led the way to the couch. She let Leah sit first, placing Blu in his bed before she did, and then Jordan sat at the opposite end of the couch just like YFN had suggested. Being too close to Leah would blind her with her own emotions.

“I’m sorry.” Leah said, holding Jordan’s eyes. “I’m so, so sorry. There’s no apology I can give that will make up for this, I know that. But please hear me out…”

Jordan nodded, letting her continue.

“I messed up, Jord. I was weak and worse than that, a coward. I let my cowardice dictate our relationship and end it. The one thing I didn’t want to do was hurt you, and I let my ego, my pride, my weakness drive you away and try to justify it in my own head as the right thing to do when it wasn’t. It wasn’t right for you or for me. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love you. I miss you. I want you. Whatever I have to do, I will. I want you, Jordan. There’s this…empty space in my world that only you can fill.”

“You left,” Jordan croaked, unsure how she’d even managed to say that. “You’ll leave me again.”

Leah must have seen some hope in that sentence because she moved closer to Jordan and gently took one of her hands in her own. “I won’t. I was weak, I’m not now. I’d never allow myself to try and win you back if I thought I had any chance of doing it again. I won’t, I promise. And I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for this if I have to.”

She was saying all the right things. Jordan felt herself moving closer to Leah and Leah noticed, her eyes darting to her lips and back to her eyes. That was enough for Jordan to lose her last shred of control and lean forward with intention. With an unbelieving expression, Leah met her in the middle and their lips connected. She was soft, and tasted like that cherry lipstick of hers, just like Jordan remembered. Leah always gave Jordan her bottom lip when they kissed for many reasons, but mainly: it was bigger, and she was usually a lot shorter.

Leah tilted her head into the kiss, her tongue finding Jordans. Jordan moaned into her mouth and moved forward, Leah encouraging her body to manoeuvre on top of her.

Leah. Leah. Leah. She’d never gotten the chance for closure with Leah, and so she couldn't help how desperate she was now to feel a piece of what she’d felt when they were together.

Jordan’s hands slid their way into Leah’s blonde hair and she tilted her head, pushing herself against her.

“Jordan,” Leah moaned and her hands wandered like she was memorising her.

Jordan knew she was crying, but she took it as overwhelming emotions. She needed Leah. Now.

She paused their mouths for a split second to look at Leah. Her eyes were dark and her lust was reflected there along with multiple other emotions. Leah must have seen Jordan’s intentions in her eyes.

“Are you sure?” She whispered.

Jordan nodded her forehead against Leah’s and the Captain paused for a few seconds before her emotions took control. Suddenly Jordan was on her back and Leah was on top, both helping to drag the clothes off of each other.

“Jordan,” Leah moaned again as Jordan sucked on her nipple while they were wriggling her pants down. “I love you. I miss you.” She spoke like a chant.

Their hands roamed, reintroducing themselves with their bodies and they allowed their mouths to wander also. Jordan’s legs wrapped about Leah’s waist as she rocked them to a rhythm, their tongues fighting each other and Jordan’s hands messing Leah’s hair and scraping down her back. Leah let herself wander, her mouth kissing and nipping down Jordan’s neck to each nipple, giving them equal attention before carrying on down her abdomen and back up to her mouth. Leah’s hand slid down between them and paused outside Jordan’s core.

“Are you sure?” She asked again, not noticing Jordan’s tears.

Jordan nodded against her and Leah’s fingers entered softly, knowing exactly what Jordan liked. She slid one finger inside her tantalisingly slow as her palm gave pressure and stimulation to her clit. Jordan moaned she rode her hand with her hips rolling into her again and again. They picked up a nice pace and it was terrifying to Jordan just how natural it all felt. Like no time had passed. Leah’s desperation to have her made Jordan’s first orgasm come quicker than usual, her back arching as she gave into Leah’s stimulation. Leah pressed a proud kiss to her jaw before moving down her body, leaving kisses and nips along the way until she was settled between Jordan’s legs. She knew she needed to ride this high before Jordan’s little body had decided it had had enough excitement for the night. She kissed the insides of her thighs, missing those like crazy until she found Jordan’s heat with her mouth. She didn’t do her long, dragged-out foreplay. They were too desperate for that. Instead, she went straight in, her tongue licking the length of Jordan, from hole to clit before settling on her clit for a while. Jordan whimpered, her body reacting. She looked down at the determined blonde between her legs and gripped that hair with two hands, encouraging Leah. Though she needed no encouragement, she was desperate to taste her, to feel her, to do anything to make Jordan happy. Leah shivered at Jordan’s second orgasm and happiness built inside her on top of that guilt and shame. She dragged herself back up Jordan’s body and this time they fucked each other at the same time. Leah was unsure at first but then accepted the love Jordan was giving her. By then end of Jordan’s third and Leah’s first, they were upright on the couch, Jordan riding Leah’s fingers desperately, her hands clinging onto Leah. Leah loved this. Every single second she felt herself getting happier and tension releasing. Jordan was here and allowing this. She could get Jordan back. The sounds of her breathy moans and whimpers dragged life into her.

“Leah,” Jordan gasped as she neared her edge again. Leah almost froze. Almost. Jordan moaned her name.

Jordan’s riding became erratic as she chased that fourth high, her body locking up and shuddering, her head falling to Leah’s shoulder and she shuddered and tensed. Eventually the tension calmed but the shuddering didn’t. It took longer than it should have for Leah to realise Jordan was crying.

“No, no no no, Jord,” she stressed as Jordan moved away from her, grabbing her clothes from the ground.

Leah tried to move towards her but Jordan couldn't deal with it.

“Get out.” She said as normally as she could while she was crying.

“Jord, please no. Tell me what’s wrong, I can fix it.” Leah begged. Jordan picked up her clothes and tossed them onto Leah’s lap while she continued to dress herself. Leah began to dress herself. It seemed the most appropriate thing. “Please don’t do this Jordan.”

Jordan was fully clothed then and tracking towards the front door. Leah was pulling her shirt over her head as she scrambled behind her.

“Please, Jordan!” She begged, landing on her knees in front of her.  She flinched visibly as her ACL knee hit the tiles, sharp pain shooting up her leg. “Please talk to me. Don’t do this.” And then softer, “Not after that.”

“I can’t,” Jordan cried. “I’m sorry Leah, I’m sorry but I can’t.”

Jordan wasn’t lying. She couldn’t. She was overwhelmed with feelings too difficult to understand. One minute she was nervous; the next she was in pure ecstasy with Leah, their bodies moving together as they used to just a little more desperate; the next she was terrified history would repeat itself. Her friends had only just helped her past her deepest pain.

Jordan reached the front door and opened it, her tears free flowing. She continued to wipe with the cuff of her jumper but couldn’t seem to keep up.

“Please go.” She begged.

Leah inhaled sharply, her own tears starting. She sobbed on her knees on the floor.

“But I love you.”

“Please.” She begged again. She needed to be far away from her so she wouldn’t be hurt again.

Leah stood, as strong as she could, and walked towards the door, exiting before turning back to Jordan.

“Please tell me why. Tell me anything. Just say anything.”

Jordan hadn’t met her eyes until then. Leah almost collapsed at the look of fear and hurt reflected in them. Leah still didn't understand. Had she hurt her during sex? Did she regret it? Was she with someone else and made a mistake?

“I can’t handle you leaving me again.”

Leah’s stomach hit the floor. Her mistake now visible as an insecurity so deeply rooted in Jordan.

Jordan had to look away before Leah’s fallen expression broke her. She closed the door and Leah turned, stumbling down the steps until she stopped and vomited into the garden.

[elderflowergin]

why atty jung woo-jin is so important to me (alt title: why I hope the titular good partner includes jung woo-jin too, alt title @haraxvati apologies for workplace romance talk)

If you were in fandom spaces during Sherlock, you know that people went crazy for the deductions, for how they were delivered by Sherlock on the show. Who is a terrible person to most of the people around him! The surface admiration fans feel is for the way he works and not what he does for his friends (we’re talking normal human reciprocity and not lifesaving sorts of things).

So little of romance is devoted to the opposite - women who are good at tough, unsympathetic jobs and are unapologetic about it. If you were ever a woman in law enforcement, litigation or any other job coded to be aggressive or dominant, you’d find no shortage of gatekeeping men telling you how to do your job right, and there is no pleasing anyone in this.

How to speak, how to lower your pitch, what to wear, what NOT to wear, what sort of concessions you should give to the boys in club if you want to be in the club, what sort NOT to give so you don’t look like a chump. Maybe it’s better now than it used to be. Maybe some spaces are better than others. But the outcome was the same - you never win, and someone always shifts the goalposts when you’re done. You’re too sexy, you’re not sexy enough, your voice is annoying, you’re mousy, you’re loud, you’re fancy, you’re too articulate, you’re no fun, you’re a little too much and God forbid you get angry, because no one likes an angry woman.

We don’t see this sort of criticism on the show, because Cha Eun-gyeong is successful, but it’s never far from the minds of small men, be it her boss or the lawyer her husband seeks out. And we don’t have to see more of it - her husband, who by all rights should be proud of her achievements and hard-earned reputation, weaponises her work as the reason she is no longer a mother or a woman in his eyes. Who needs to hear from a shitty colleague when the call’s coming from inside the house? He hates her success, he hates that he owes his own success to her in part at least. It’s no surprise that his girlfriend is not a fellow doctor or someone from an allied or parallel position to him - she is in an admin position subordinate to Eun-gyeong. I don’t say this to denigrate admin positions, but to point out the predictability of men like him, whose anger at not being the centre of a woman’s universe is never far from the surface.

But then there’s Jung Woo-jin, who admires Atty Cha because of all the traits that make her a good lawyer. He points out to Han Yuri that she started out doing a tough job in a time few women took it on, that she took risks and was courageous in her representation of her clients. He admires her and yes, he loves her all the more for it.

If you’re asking me why it matters what a man feels about Atty Cha’s job, frankly I don’t think it does! She’s the fulcrum of her own universe. She’s never needed anyone’s approval to do what she felt was right. But I think it bears pointing out that this is a lonely job. Clients need to be handled and protected, opposing counsel are to be suspected, and judges are to be feared. There’s at least three fronts of conflict, and here is Cha Eun-gyeong, handling it all with infinite grace. And it’s great that she can do it all, but it’d also be great if the narrative could be different, for once; if she could have friends, even lovers, potentially, who love her for all of who she is, and not just the pieces of her that are useful. It’s a fantasy, yes, but a type so specific and so underserved that it had to have been written by a woman in corporate, if not a woman in litigation.

Cha Eun-gyeong is a very good lawyer, a woman who at partner level is still working her ass off to stay at the top, and Jung Woo-jin sees that; he sees HER, and the things that make her a good lawyer are indivisible from her as a person, because they are for Cha Eun-gyeong. Which is why his admiration for her is also indivisible from his love, and it’s also why he thinks nothing of it and Han Yuri catches on immediately. Because he can’t see it, but everyone else can.

But beyond that, for me it’s the moment he bodily puts himself between the CEO (yet another man waiting for her to fail) and Cha Eun-gyeong. I think it’s easy to convey admiration privately, because you don’t lose capital from that. It’s another thing to stand up for a colleague publicly. To your CEO no less, and in front of all your other colleagues, at a time of great personal crisis for Cha Eun-gyeong. (To your CEO who is also your father, no less!). It’s telling that this unassuming man who tends to smooth ruffled feathers does not appeal to his father-boss’s ego or supplicate to secure a temporary detente; what he makes is a threat that the words being uttered are defamatory, a polite suggestion that there will be consequences for careless words, and his father absolutely picks up on it. He may pay a price for it yet, going by the conversation he has later with his father.

I don’t know why this fantasy appeals more than the other, but I think it’s in the instinctive nature of it on both sides. It’s in the way Cha Eun-gyeong - who actively distances him from her feelings, who does not open up to him by design - allows him to act as her vanguard in a deeply vulnerable moment, which in itself is an entitlement she has. It’s food for thought, a glimpse into this bond that has outlasted her marriage.

[greenbeen-with-an-e]

I just saw a person say that "naruto (the character) has no depth and is very cliche and predictable"

...

...

...

Ugh.

Aren't you people tired of being completely incorrect? Like genuinely? If you think naruto has no depth and complexity as a character then it simply proves to me that you have no analytical skills.

In comparison to, say, sasuke - it may seem as though naruto is more one dimensional. HOWEVER, the reason why it seems this way is because naruto is a little more subtly written.

When it comes to sasuke we see him; facing his abusers (danzo and a1p itachi) in the name of justice & emotional developments that are easy to understand because sasuke reacts to abuse in a way that makes sense to most. Sasuke haters (the braindead) aside.

Naruto on the other hand? We never see him face his abusers (the people of the hidden leaf) & his emotional developments are overlooked by the audience in favour of grand, shonen-esque fight scenes (i.e. the LoW arc. We see naruto maturing and developing his ninja way due to haku (character development??) but this is overlooked by many for some reason), etc. But no, you think that because naruto is a happy go-lucky 'idiot' there is no room for any other character traits.

A lot of his character is built around the neglect he faces as a child. In og naruto, we are introduced to a loud mouthed, annoying, attention seeking brat. AND THIS MAKES SENSE! Naruto has never received positive attention in his LIFE (bar the third's very much occasional visit) so of course he is going to go out of his way to get some - negative or not. So he is loud so people will look at him. He is prankster so people can laugh with him instead of at him. He's an optimistic smile-freak in order to hide the very real anger and misery he feels. Do you think it is a coincidence that kishi choose for naruto, a repressed young boy, to only release the power of the nine tails when extremely angry, fearful or otherwise I'm distress? No. It's a direct reflection of naruto's own emotional toil.

Who has the most attention and respect in the village? The hokage. What does naruto want most in the world atp? Respect and attention. So what does naruto want to be? Hokage. But when naruto was facing dark naruto when training with bee - he acknowledges that he still feels resentment and anger towards the village for how they treated him. He got everything he wanted, he got the respect, he got the attention. And yet, deep down, he wasn't happy with it. Because being so socially outcasted his whole life leave a toll of you. Leaves you with psychological issues that follows you for a long time.

This doesn't even mention the dehumanisation that naruto goes though throughout the series - even in shippuden, though this is more unintentional by the surrounding characters atp- due to him being a jinchuuriki. A literal weapon of state. An oppressed minority who were being hunted down and slaughtered by the akatsuki in their own villages. How does this demonstrate a lack of nuance? A lack of complexity? It doesn't. You only extrapolate surface level ideas from a text and call it a day.

This isn't even touching the bond between sasuke and naruto, yknow, the most developed and emphasised relationship in the entire manga? The relationship that is the key to understanding both characters, their emotions, their mental state and character decisions? But anyway. That's a WHOLEEEE other post for a whole nother day

[shiraishi--kanade]

An aspect of Saki's character that interests me as a disabled person who, admittedly, only keeps up with Leo/need at a very surface level (not for the lack of interest but because if I tried to be invested in 4 more characters my head would explode): a) how did she and the rest of the girls meet b) how did they manage to keep their friendship alive considering Saki's prolonged hospital stays.

I think there's... A weird kind of isolation that being chronically ill from a young age brings into your life.

You see, I was never a popular kid in class, okay? Very obviously neurodivergent, absolutely socially clueless, and frankly a bit of a stuck-up asshole in the way straight A's kids in elementary school tend to be. Even so, I had a couple of friends. The ride or die friends for a elementary student, which usually amounted to stuff like going home together and the like.

Until the second grade, that is. Which is when I got sick for the first time, had to spend half a year in quarantine, and acquired a heart condition that would later lead to my lifelong disability.

I'm not about to say my friends abandoned me immediately when I returned to school because that would be untrue. As a child, you're really struggling with the concept of invisible disability, I think. As hard as is was for me to accept I'll just Be Like This, for my friends it was basically non-existant.

But there was a difference. One of the best runners in the entire school suddenly no longer able to run. Constantly dizzy. Constant headaches. Missing school. Having to tap out of activities early. Adults interfering with your plans and fussing more than normal. All of the things elementary aged kids took Very Seriously and I was suddenly not able to participate in most of them, while my injury remained absolutely invisible to everyone else.

I don't think they ever ditched me outright. Nobody told me they didn't want to hang out anymore. I don't think anyone does it that way; it's mostly just slow, painful realisation that people invite you out less and less, until it's not at all. Gradual isolation.

Also, even if you're feeling fine about doing stuff, there's a non-zero chance the adults around you wouldn't. I was not allowed to participate in PE anymore. I still had to be there for the headcount, though, so with that done I'd just sit there on the bench for an entire period. You know, like a loser. Which isn't a good first impression make when you join a new class.

I was, and still am, very frail. This fact was made very loud and obvious by the adults around me, to their credit, in my best interests (or so I hope). You know what happens when kids get told "hey, this thing is very frail - if you touch it they wrong way it'll break and you'll have Consequences"? They will either avoid the thing in question with all the power they have at the fear of accidentally breaking it, or smash it head on to see what happens. Neither of these were pleasant to deal with.

Which is to say: loud announcements that you're disabled whether or not you want to disclose that because the homeroom teacher decided to make you a good example during the "how to treat people different than you nicely" morning assembly is not a good friend maker either. Even well-meaning ones come with presumptions, and are very quickly to fall out once they realise you're not the timid and shy disabled kid they've been fed the idea of.

Anyway, considering the above said: my experiences make me so so very interested in how exactly Leo/need friendship happened and stayed alive for this long, through so much stuff, especially considering whatever Saki was going through was much, much worse than I.

[idiopathicsmile]

10 comebacks to a woman who once told my best friend, then a chicagoan (like i was), "i love coming to chicago because in new york i'm an 8 but in chicago i'm a 10"

"exactly, that's something i love about living here, you know? it's not as surface-oriented and shallow as some other cities. like, the culture's just a little deeper and a little smarter than in places where everyone's only concentrating on looking their best at all times, you know?"

"oh wow, you really said that with your out-loud voice, huh?"

(LAUGHTER) "yeah, you're a ten here. sure you are." (LAUGHTER)

"just wondering: in the moments before that comment left your mouth, did you take a second to imagine how we, a bunch of people who very obviously live in chicago, would react? if no, why not? if yes, what on earth did you see? please write in complete sentences in the booklet provided. you will have thirty minutes."

"my god, do you assign yourself a number comparing your appearance to the appearances of the people around you everywhere you go? you know we have a limited amount of time on this earth, right? you know that after that, we die and death is forever, right?"

"hurrah, i've done it! i've finally met the one human on the planet who is capable of objectively, correctly assessing the relative attractiveness of everyone everywhere on earth. please, oh please pray tell: what number am i? what number is he? what number is she? numbers all around, please!"

"what an exhausting way to live. what a tiring way of interacting with other people. what a dispiriting way to view the world around you, a world teeming with life and strangeness and possibility. serious question: are you alright?"

"i was going to make a crack about new yorkers being looks-obsessed, but in retrospect i have no idea why. i'm sorry. i genuinely have nothing against nyc, a location i have visited only a handful of times, including one trip to see the very person to whom you made your ill-advised remark, lo these years ago, and we had what i would call a magical time. i don't actually understand pitting one city against another. i don't understand the mentality that there must always be a ranking, must always be a competition, must always, always be a winner and a loser. also if you're a ten, everyone else here is a twelve, baby."

"on some level, i do understand that eventually this ceases to be a piece about the irritating thing a friend's work colleague once said, and instead becomes a chronicle of my own deranged inability to let a grudge go—even a petty grudge, even a second-hand grudge, even a grudge which i am again compelled to inform you saw its spark of creation multiple years and several moves ago. (neither the friend nor i live in chicago anymore.) on some level, i understand that this turning point, the moment where any sensible reader went "yikes, jess really hasn't let this go, huh?" might have happened in the very title of this post. i have never met you, woman who maybe five years ago told some chicagoans you worked with that you're an 8 in new york and a 10 in chicago. you could have changed since then. you could have grown and deepened and evolved your thinking. i do believe people are capable of learning. maybe you even remember saying it, and regret it now. maybe not. but to be honest, worse things have been said—to me, to my best friend, to everyone who has been on this planet longer than a few years. life is exhausting and scary and wonderful and we are all going to die some day. you are an adult and that means you have had hard days, hard weeks, hard years even. you have been heartbroken, and sick with worry, and you have known terror, real terror, that animal fear that crawls up the spine and screams in the brain, and yet you found it in yourself to get in a airplane and fly halfway across a large country to be here, for the sake of a job you might not even like. we are all doing the best we can. i have to believe we are all doing the best we can. i could have written this post about anything. there were near-infinite possibilities and i chose this, a mean little caricature, and in trying to paint you, only managed a quick and unflattering sketch of me, a person obsessed with being right and being clever, but who frequently is neither. again, i have never met you, and if i do meet you i will never know it, and i have spent more brain space imagining a tiny, bitter vengeance against this single-sentence quote, relayed to me at a remove, than i have spent trying to learn calculus or teaching myself to garden or volunteering at a soup kitchen. if there ever was a winner or a loser in this bizarre equation it is fully possible that i have lost, simply by trying so hard to win."

"...ok."

[mintytealfox]

spoilers for act 3 (Dryad scene with Astarion), my thoughts on finding out that some people are upset with the scene

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I think its interesting that some people are upset with the dryad scene with Astarion and 'feel like they are lying to get Astarion approval' but in all honesty the 'approval' answers make the most sense to me, especially with who he is and how he works.

Like, here is this rando who wants to hear us air out the dirty deep laundry and honestly number 1 rule in relationships (for me anyway) is don't share secrets or deep stuff about your partner to strangers or just anyone. That information has been entrusted to you, and should be locked in the shared safe you both now have, ESPECALLY when its someone like Astarion who hasn't trusted a single soul for 200 years, until now. Your Tav is special, and extremely rare, in his eyes and he has made a huge leap to finally trust in someone.

saying the 'real' deep answers out in the open in front of this stranger would feel like a betrayal of that trust of 'please don't share my vulnerable self to outsiders, I trusted you with this, I even told you, I put on an entire facade to survive, a carefully put together facade to protect myself. Why would you just hand over what hides inside, for safety, to just anyone?'.

Like, me personally, I would be horrified if my partner did this to me.

Scenario: we are at a circus, which is supposed to be fun and silly and vibes. This dryad thing seems like an interesting attraction thing, lets have fun with it! -Partner immediately lays out my deepest truths in front of the 'attraction' host- Reaction: "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? WHY WOULD YOU TELL THEM ALL THAT??"

I believe that, Astarion believes this is going to be a fun thing with his love, where they are on the same page where they can joke and play off of each other's wit, and that is why I think he agrees to take on this 'quiz' with you cause he trusts you to protect his inner self that he has shared with you. And that theory solidifies for me cause he is laughing and having a blast with all of the 'silly' unserious responses and is very happy with you, cause you are both on the same page and he knows, even more so now, that you can be trusted always and you have his back at all times, even in situations like this. If he was the one having to answer these questions, he would likely do the same, to protect your inner self that you entrusted with him and having a laugh with you and giving unserious answers.

He knows that you know his deepest secrets, because he has let you know them, you don't have to prove that to him. What you have to prove is that you will protect that vulnerable side of him, that is still raw and in need of protecting, alongside him.

but anyways these are just my thoughts on the topic~ (🌸ゝ◡･)ﾉ♡

edit: adding extra thoughts that just came to me and added to tags but decided to just add here

#you aren't lying to each other here#you are keeping this surface level for the dryad and who cares about that lol#you know each others truths and know to protect them#saying his truth out loud to this stranger is a way of saying you lied to him#lied about keeping his true self safe from strangers and potential threats