#in all seriousness I'm always up for goofy being a good dad

[beepborpdoodledorp]

y'all that pilot animatic was ART you people have no taste

[hopelesslyromanticshark]

Hiii! This is one of my first request like ever so idk if I'm doing it right lol but I was wondering if u could write percy x hades!gf hcs, I never see much of hades sadly lol but if u can't or don't want to I perfectly understand and hope you have a lovely day<333

⋆⭒˚.⋆ percy jackson x daughter of hades! reader hcs

content: percy jackson x daughter of hades! reader hcs warning: talk of death??, minor angst at the end kinda sorta not really, author's note: i liked this one. i feel like this was a nice balance between silly goofy and seriously good takes. ALSO i would like to apologize in advance for those last few lines, i was feeling emo and sad and that's what came out of that. really rounds the whole thing out tho. also, honored to be your first request and i hope it's everything you want a more!!

i'm sorry but bro pulled both the children of hades??? hello??

he said imma 'make that family tree fall in love with me'

i just know every time percy does something hot, you and nico just share a glance that said 'this WILL be discussed before bed tn trust'

also, you and nico??? the best siblings

literally so cute together, so much love, so much trauma-

wait, what was that last one-

don't think about it too much

just like nico, you're a daddy's girl at heart and visit home (of the dead) as much as possible

and since hades is such a big gossip (you know its the truth) you just know he's prying you for information about your relationship

"but like...he treats you well, right?"

"yes, dad, obviously. if he didn't, he'd be dead."

"that's my girl."

and and even tho the hades cabin looks kinda sketchy and totally creepy, ideal nap and cuddle place.

like, cabin three is cool and all but the cabin thirteen is legit so perfect for naps bc built in blackout curtains and it's always cold so you can just cuddle up under your blankets with your snuggly son of the sea god and youre out like a light

until nico comes in banging cymbals that he got from gods know where, chanting 'GET OUT OF MY CABIN! GET OUT OF MY CABIN!"

"ITS OUR CABIN NICO!"

"I WASN'T TALKING TO YOOOOOOOU!" he yelled back, emphasizing his words with more cymbal crashes and pointed looks at percy, who was seizing with laughter

no one at camp really knows when you and percy became you and percy

just one day he was attached to you at the hip and no one asked questions

and when new campers ask the two when they got together, you both just share a glance and shrug.

anniversaries are celebrated randomly through the year, simply because you cannot remember dates to save your lives.

like, you'll just walk to breakfast and percy will present you with flowers and gifts and everyone cheers but as you give percy a kiss on his cheek you're like

"which one is this for?"

"i'm going with first date but tbh i have no idea."

"yeah, no, that sounds right, lets go with that."

just two idiots in love

two deadly idiots in love

but really, they only become a problem when you hurt the other

like you try stay out of fights as much as possible but the second percy has so much as a scratch, you're raising hell

literally

legions of hell will be raised to protect your man

he being helped off the ground by abe lincoln and princess diana fr

(not that im saying they in hell, they were just the only two famous dead people i could think of)

(don't shame me, i can feel it through the screen)

(SHUT UP-)

anyways

yeah, mr salt water and ms bones are in love and happy the world is spinning and they totally have no trauma at all

(percy doesn't want her anywhere near him sometimes, feeling like he can only bear bad news for children of hades)

(you get worried that percy might be too good for you, that you're tainted with the blood of the dead and there's no coming back from that. the blood of death is your blood is the blood of death. they are one in the same. you are death as death is you.)

very happy here, nothing to be concerned about 😀😀😀

dont worry, you guys talk through these issues and find healthy ways to deal with all the childhood trauma.

a couple that grows together, stays together.

[argreion]

Leon Kennedy sleepy + general HCs with your local ranter.

So sorry for clogging the Leon Kennedy x reader tag y'all. I seriously just fuckin' love TALKING! He's been my hyperfixation for months alongside RE Lore. :( I hope I can help you guys create your own little HCs like I took from some fics and the help of my friend! <3 ALSO I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR Y'ALLS HEADCANONS IF YOU HAVE THEM!!! I LOVE RAMBLES/RANTS! 🩵 No warnings, btw! Just silly stupid ass comfy headcanons I have :)

RE2 being all sweet and cuddly. Honestly, I feel like he might fall asleep to Disney movies. Just like some of the Leons to me. Always so strict on a nightly routine, too. Wash your face, brush your teeth, comb your hair etc. Then fallling asleep with a Disney movie on in the background? Heavenly. Perfection. The fact he might wear goofy ass pajamas too? He just SCREAMS trying to live his childhood while he still can young.

RE4 just washes his face and cleans his eyelashes. He feels more practical, yet still tries to take care of himself. Makes sure to take medication, but prefers if you tell him. It makes him feel special. I mean, Leon IS special. He likes comfort and trusting people. Sometimes waking up crying and burrowing into the bed beside you. RC and Spain wasn't fun at all! Your chest, neck, stomach, he loves it ALL. Adores a stomach cuddle, even if you got no stomach! Thighs, too, taking a nap while you watch a show.

ID Leon low-key feels like the small drop-off era. Still washing his face and eyelashes. Medication, if needed, still. You can notice slight changes, and him kinda hating the government in small ways now. The submarine, Jason and Shen Mei, and then getting judged for being pretty. Our pretty little blond, blue-eyed boy! Feel like he might be sick of it. Might be a little peeved at general compliments, but still tries to keep them in good faith. Grows his hair out, and gets a little messy. Just like in the comic, he looks like a soggy wet cat, y'all! Keeps his stubble pretty trimmed too.

Damnation Leon feels like the MAJOR drop. ID was the calm before the storm. Drinking problems start, and man starts getting less sleep. Probably five to four hours MAX. Still loves to cuddle like all the other Leons. You can kind of sense something is off. Washes his face, and that's it. Goes to sleep in his boxers, and kicks you in your sleep. C'mon, old man, stop kicking me in the ass! So rude! (I still love you, you little fucker.) Possible cartoon lover, I feel like once he gets older, he just kinda tries to relax. Man is tired constantly, and the alcohol makes it WORSE. Stubble is more grown out in my head.

RE6 Leon… Honestly 2nd fav. I'm an old man fucker, sorry y'all. Feel like the drinking is kinda toned down compared to Damnation, but spiked really fuckin' high in Vendetta. Silly cartoon watcher, I stand by that shit. I like making Leon be a stupid crusty, soggy cat. Probably really likes the cartoons from the 90s. His 'childhood' moment. Nicer than Damnation, but just more seasoned compared to RE4R and ID. Dad jokes and one-liners coming out at least three times a day. Sleeps about 6–7 hours on normal-ish nights. Tries to at least get 7. Please get on him about his meds or getting his eyes checked. He's crusty, and he needs a back brace possibly, too. Needs you to massage his back after a mission and just be there. Disney movie night with him when? He'll debate about the best Disney movie. His fav movie is up to you.

Vendetta… Oh, fuck. Man dropped off the wagon in multiple ways. He doesn't wash his face, and he probably does have a few tooth problems. Got a tooth gap for getting his ass beat, and is kinda self-conscious about it. Stubble is unshaven, and hair needs to be cut. He doesn't give a crap anymore, but the nightmares he has certainly give a crap about him. Making him think about quitting, if he could. We all know the poor man is gonna be strangled to death because of the government. Eye bags, pains in his body, and waking up with a horrible hangover. He doesn't really have a nightly routine, except pass out from drinking OR try to fall asleep normally. With a lover, I feel like he still wouldn't care. Movie buff AND nerd for mechanical shit. Rants about it, listen if he does it. It makes him fall in love with you slightly faster if you want to go that route. Also, TUMMMMMYYYY!!

DI LEONNNN! MY FAV! My little old ass kitten! Moves back to an ID state in a way. Instead, kinda hates the government still for his circumstances. Back to the cartoon AND falling asleep to Disney movies. Tries to remember his stuff more often now. He's still a little iffy, but he's got the spirit! Honestly, he might get LASIK. More of just wearing sweatpants and boxers kind of guy to bed. Got a little patch of chest hair too. Cuddly tummy and thighs. Likes hugging you from behind AND getting hugged from behind. Sleepy cuddles make his day better, and possibly more. Lastly, man sleeps like a rock now. If he's on top of you? Crushed. Your dead. Donezo.

[brainworms-all-night-long]

I bring forth the promissed Tails angst headcanons!!! cuz god forbid I go to sleep on time and stay asleep. Most of these (all of them actually I think) are stolen or derived from works of other people over the time I've spent in this fandom, so y'all are more than welcome to add your own!!

This one got way longer than anticipated

× Not in any particular order, but my favorite one is gotta be that those two brown foxes always seen bulling Tails are his older siblings. "Oh but they don't even look similar!!" Shh Tails has leucism, which brings its own share of problems and an extra mutation to get ostracized for. Buuut the crux of this headcannon is that irl fox family structures work like that. Unlike wolves who playfight with no real harm meant, fox kits engage in lethal baby fights, usually ganging up on the weaker and smaller ones of the litter, while the parents continue doing their best taking care of the ones that remain.

× While the topic of not so great family is up, Tails got his gambling habits from his dad. Before he ended up abandoned in the woods, that was the only way he heard was a "quick and easy" way to make money. And back in the day when Sonic was struggling to make the change, Tails offered to help in any way he could. (This is more wholesome than angst but remember!! Gambling is the ultimate evil of the world!!!) That is to say, speedrunning getting banned from every casino he visited (this is cannon actually)

× Besides many other not exactly ideal horrible things his parents done to him, one of the smaller ones was that they refused to read him bedtime stories. Absolutely fucking not. So he ignored the jealousy he felt towards his siblings and learned to read on his own very, very early on. He also cried the first time Sonic offhandedly offered to read him a story book.

× Tails is really good at hide and seek, specifically the hide part. He had to learn to be good at it if he wanted to avoid another bruise or broken bone. He doesn't really enjoy the role of seeker either, bro still hasn't found his parents (could've worded that more seriously but I'm in a silly goofy mood) as such he also doesn't like the game.

× And he feels the same about Tag. Not a big fan of being chased down for the sole purpose of than being faced with sudden physical contact. I'd say it gets better with time as most of his insecurities do, but he refuses the play as he ages up, he has no time for that!! He's a responsible adult now!! (He's 11)

× He's also really good at swimming cuz he had to learn how to swim, if he didn't want to get drowned multiple times over.

× He likes it best when he's sleeping on an elevated surface since thats where he felt the safest. Because no one would think to look for an animal who's most adapted to dig a burrow up between tree branches.

× Also one is really big fan of Tails' namesakes subconsciously twirling together into one when he's uncomfortable around someone. Even years later when he no longer feels any insecurity about them or his capability to defend himself, he kept the habit.

× Tails' fur coat is really thick and shiny now that he can properly take care of it. It hides a lot of scars and the visible ones are usually assumed to be from work accidents. Most of them are much older than his ability to tinker freely however.

× Now I bring to the table something sillier; Forever short king Tails. Listen I love older/adult Tails taller than Sonic as much as the other guy, mainly cuz I Understand that frustration of your younger siblings growing taller than you, but for today's angst purposes, he had (has) really poor nutrition and extremely stressful environment, which stunted his growth, so he shall be short forever.

× Tying into Tails not getting to eat as often when he was a literal toddler; while I generally don't feel the need to have explanations or extensive backstories for likes, dislikes and phobias of a character, someone said that when Tails was a tiny guy and starving, he learned that chewing on mint leaves helped satiate the hunger just a bit so mint remained as his comfort food and I hadn't been the same since

× And at last, way back when, all alone in a tiny cave he found and took refuge in from time to time, especially the days he felt not so well, he was almost sure he'd die of sickness once. Tails was no stranger to getting sick or wondering if hed make it through another day, but with this one he genuinely felt like he was dying. Since then, he has fully accepted that any night could be his last. For a kid not even in the double digits, he is pretty lax about the idea of suddenly facing death for good. Sonic is not a big fan of that.

[peachymilkandcream]

Hello, can you do a one shot or fic (your choice) where Y/n is Henry Emily's daughter and has an affair with William Afton? (she is of legal age, of course) I know it's wrong, but I've been thinking about it lately...

Either way, don't feel pressured to do this :) just do it if you feel comfortable! 💞

(If the text is strange it's because I don't speak English, I'm Brazilian and I use Google's Tumblr which automatically translates for me.)

William Afton x Reader -> Don't Tell Dad

(A/N: Ooh this is a good idea, I'm here for it!!! Now due to rules this isn't going to be smutty BUT I want to play on the dynamic of it :D And join in the brainrot of Afton being a goofy goober to Reader, we're all deep in it. Note: Reader is 18, because it's fucked in all other ways why not put in some great age difference and power imbalances ;) Also for context, this is after Henry kicked William out of the business and cut contact due to the death of his other daughter. (Ps. Your English translation is great! Glad to have you pop in!))

WARNINGS: implied dubcon if you squint (Afton's a bit manipulative about what he wants and due to the age difference consent is a bit dubious), big age difference, power imbalance, yandere themes/behaviours, violence, William is a warning himself, misogyny, Reader thinks it's hot William killed her sister because of the power, etc.

============================================

Henry looked at his daughter, ever since she turned eighteen she had been acting differently. He assumed it was just a phase where she was exploring herself as a now woman, trying to decide what she wanted to do in life, where her path was headed. She had already been a bit of a partier in high school, doing more and more outrageous things to get his attention when the death of his daughter Charlie and the peril William had put his business into. Thankfully for them both that was behind him, the Afton family and were long since behind him.

"Where are you off to?" He asks, leaning in her doorway, unable to suppress pride about how she had turned her life around and became a wonderful young woman.

"Career counselling, remember?"

"Oh that's right." He had forgotten she had started going to a professional counsellor, she was taking her future seriously, so seriously she was going every week for advice. All of her poor life choices up until now she had regretted and was doing the most to make the right. "What's his name again?"

"Steve Raglan." She applies her lipstick, always making sure to look her best.

"Any useful advice?"

"Yeah, now I've got to go Dad, I'll see you later."

He doesn't get another word in as she hurries out the door, most likely late, a bad habit of hers. Gosh he was so proud of how grown up she was.

=============================================

William admired his work with his new client, as she got off his desk, knees still weak from being bent over it for the past hour and dripping. She knew who he was, what he was, there were no secrets between them, just something raw and primal. He had admitted to killing Charlie, expect her to scream in horror, instead she had looked at him with awe, impressed by his power and authority. That alone had made him look twice at the child from his long since hated but not forgotten business partner.

They were nothing serious by any means, he had come to understand she was a whore who just liked to bounce on dick. However he had convinced her that she would only be on his. In truth, he wasn't giving her career advice, he didn't want her to have one. Strung out as his bimbo wife was the end goal, barefoot and pregnant through all of her twenties. Although the secrecy was getting to him, he wanted to see Henry's face as his precious little girl, the only one he had left, was reduced to a bimbo by his worst enemy.

Which is why it started with different suggestions as things progressed, they went from his office, his car, her car, her garage, until finally her living room when Henry was away. Every time he tried to leave evidence of him being there, to make Henry torture his mind with suspicion. But the little doll always made sure everything was thoroughly cleaned.

Until one day she miscalculated how long it would take for Henry to make it across town and back.

=============================================

Henry was horrified, even after all these years he recognized him. The man who murdered his child got away with it and many other horrible crimes. And here was his only living child working to please that same heinous man.

"Get away from him!" He screams. "What did he threaten you with to make you do this!?"

She stares at him blankly, unsure of what to say.

"Go on dear, tell your dear old dad why you chose to do this." William taunts with a grin.

"I wanted to- willingly, no blackmail or anything-"

Henry seems dumbfounded. "Why?"

"Because, out of all the guys I've been with he's...special."

"Do you know what he did!? He murdered your sister! And countless other children and got away with it! Poor little Charlie rotting in a gutter because he had the whim to kill her! Did you know that!?"

When she remains silent, looking at the ground, his eyes widen in horror and disbelief as it clicks for him.

"Oh no..oh no no, you knew!? And you still think he's special!? How could you think that!?"

"I just do, alright!? And I'm going to keep being with him! I'm an adult now Dad I can do what I want!"

"No you will not, I'm calling the police."

"Go ahead Henry. But William Afton is legally dead, my name is Steve Raglan. I'll sue you for defamation of character."

"You think you can spit in my face like this and get away with it?"

William shrugs. "Yeah kind of."

"Get out of my house."

"Dad-"

"No! Enough out of you, get out of my house William!"

He stands to leave, a smug smirk on his face. "Fine fine, I'm going."

Henry watches with shock and sadness as his daughter rushes to William's side.

"Then I'm going with him."

"Are you serious? You would leave everything for the man who murdered your sister?"

"Yes, I love him and I'm not going to let you get in the way of it."

Anger boils up in him. "Then leave! Never come back! If you could betray this family like this then I don't want you here!"

Her eyes fill with angry determination as she follows William out, leaving Henry to stand there and wonder where it all went wrong.

[katyspersonal]

How do you think Aldrich would speak? Is he rambling on philosophically like Aldia? Goofy and cryptic like Micolash? Is he flamboyant and manipulative like Shabriri?

I KNOW IT'S YOU @heraldofcrow !!!!!!!! There are only three people left that care about Aldrich: Tail does not send asks on anon, and I am literally right here, which only leaves YOU!

But yeah... He is the only of The Guys for whom we do not have any speech patterns reference, isn't he? I mostly come from the context and analysing characters' place and motivation in the story. Whereas Aldia is like Laurence and Micolash combined (affectionate), Aldrich is like Laurence and Micolash combined (derogatory)! THIS MAKES SENSE AND YOU KNOW IT OK!! He is of course less selfish than Laurence and Micolash in corruption, and past his epiphany about how the world is doomed anyways he wants to take people to the """better place""" (?) with him; be it by assimilating them into his body or be it by teaching them how to mingle with the horrors of the Deep on their own accord! I guess the 'still caring' aspect is just common Dark Souls thing, huh. BB guys just go 'fuck you plebs I'm out' fdshjsdhsd

I imagine Aldrich being giddy like Micolash, but with far more energy and genuine joy about his ramblings, however morally twisted, whereas Micolash feels completely lost in his madness and laser focus on reaching Kos, only acknowledging the Hunter because he is being hunted lol. Micolash feels very... sleepy, for a guy that spends his boss battle running, if this makes sense? Aldrich likewise emits strong excitement for what he witnessed but also wish to share it with allies and victims both. Whereas Laurence is revelling in how 'holy' and 'heroic' he is by doing things for humanity that no one else would dare, Aldrich would have less egotism about it and go more the 'don't worry guys I have a plan for us all you can trust me!' route. Less focus on how great he is and more focus on some twisted "reassurance" for everyone that everything will be alright.... that he secretly hopes would not work because people being scared and desperate is more fun for him 💀

I also have fun taking the line 'a right and proper cleric, only, he developed a habit of eating people' seriously, as in, he funny enough does try to be "good" despite what he's doing fdsdgfs That would mean not getting prideful, being generous and inviting, not holding grudges, all that. And all this comes naturally, he barely has to put an effort in it? He naturally smiles often, giggles between sentences and laughs off most of the unpleasant things, he gets smug but in a self-confident way, not in an insecure asshole way. It is just very hard to get to him, his self-esteem is as thick as his body I swear fdshdshfd Honestly, he'd be a very pleasant male mom friend (not to be confused with dad friend) in a way less insane setting? XDDD LISTEN I know it sounds weird, but you are a writer with a very strong intuition, you can probably paint the vivid picture from my (sorry) attempts at describing.. Actually, here are a few examples from when @val-of-the-north wrote his dialogue:

I absolutely love this vibe. Basically from time to time I ask Val to "talk" with me as a character that has no dialogue in canon, because Val is an actor (like, seriously) and always psyched for breathing more life into characters that never spoke in canon. Dude you should see how he depicted Sulyvahn and Alberich, I am still impressed so much, he's crazy good???? What we do is that I share the vision and very precise descriptions of what I imagine about the character (as what I literally just did above), and Val cooks according to my recipe as someone who actually knows how verbal communication works xd An autist and an actor the best team-up!!!!!!!!

I hope this helped though! (Use it to write a more unsettling shitpost skits if you want to fsdjsdfh)

[monstrsball]

iwaizumi mikio + the JNT

my first post about the single dad!iwa au.

i said i wanted to write a post about mikio with the national team so... here it is!! i had some help brainstorming a lot of these because... coming up with headcanons for 14 different guys is hard. thank you to the mutuals who talked about this with me.

ushijima (uncle ushiwaka):

i talked about it a little in the original post but they're pretty close!! mikio's known him since he was a kid.

he calls him 'ushiwaka' instead of wakatoshi bc of oikawa lmao.

mikio likes to share rock and lizard facts with him. ushijima dutifully listens.

tendou sends ushijima chocolates and he always shares them with mikio! and ushijima will write down mikio's opinions on each of them to share with tendou later.

(side note: i don't think mikio has ever met tendou so he's like a celebrity in his mind... his uncle's cool friend who sends chocolates and has been on TV)

sometimes i think they just sit in silence while they do their own thing. ushijima's doing his stretches while mikio reads a book next to him or something. it's kind of cute.

bokuto (bokuto-san):

mikio, like most children, enjoys being thrown. bokuto is happy to throw children. he has a blast. in the gym, it's usually just swinging him around.

iwa isn't really the over-protective dad type but it does give him a heart attack sometimes.

bokuto calls him little/mini iwa a lot, i think... or baby iwa but that one usually makes mikio frown and go "i'm seven" all matter-of-fact.

mikio gets kind of nervous around hyakuzawa and hakuba because they are both So Tall so sometimes bokuto will carry him on his shoulders so he can be tall too.

kageyama (kageyama-senshu):

first of all. he calls him kageyama-senshu bc of hinata. mikio overheard hinata teasing him and was like O: and started calling him that too after hinata explained what it means.

kageyama is the only one he uses this for and it's because kageyama calls him "mikio-san"

they talk to each other like they're colleagues and it's both the funniest and cutest thing in the world.

"good morning, mikio-san" "good morning, kageyama-senshu"

mikio likes kageyama for these reasons! kageyama makes him feel like he's being taken seriously which is nice.

and kageyama is also happy to listen to mikio go on and on about his interests.

hinata (hinata-san / shouyou-san):

i think after he witnesses oikawa calling hinata shouyou a few times, he starts doing it too. but this is probably after the olympics tbh.

hinata is pretty good with kids! i think he's good at striking that balance between being goofy while also not talking down to kids so he's fun to talk to.

he tells mikio a lot of stories about karasuno with a slight focus on suga after he hears that he's his teacher! mikio is like "woah... suga-sen lore..." (<- he does not actually say this because he is seven but you get the idea) (actually it would be kind of funny if he said it exactly like that)

he also tells him stories about oikawa!! he tells him a little about when they hung out in brazil. and mikio's little mind is BLOWN because he didn't even know they knew each other.

atsumu (miya-san):

mikio uintentionally bullies atsumu sometimes.

he's kind of blunt and he doesn't realize that what he's saying sounds rude lmao.

"miya-san, why does your hair look like that?" when his roots are starting to grow back in. (mikio is the first one to notice)

or atsumu will be overreacting about something in typical miya atsumu fashion and mikio goes "miya-san, you're being weird"

mikio calls osamu "myaa-sam" because of bokuto and atsumu thinks it's so unfair that osamu has a special nickname when atsumu definitely sees mikio more often than he does.

he wouldn't say this to mikio though. he just whines about it to osamu.

atsumu thinks mikio hates him but mikio does actually think he's kind of cool. he says this once and atsumu is like "he thinks i'm cool" and sakusa goes "he said 'kind of cool'"

sakusa (sakusa-san):

i really thought about having mikio call him 'omi-san' because the idea of him calling him that while atsumu is just "miya-san" was. really funny but i don't actually think he would.

like, he picks up a lot of nicknames from oikawa and bokuto but this is one where i think he would stick to what his dad says.

partially because he is... a little scared of sakusa. it's not necessarily anything sakusa did, he's just tall and has a deep voice and he was wearing a mask the first time they met and it just freaked him out.

sakusa did unintentionally make him cry once because he saw mikio pick up something off the ground outside and told him it was disgusting. iwa then had a talk with sakusa about how you talk to children.

iwa was firm about it but not mean or anything. everyone else describes it as "the time our athletic trainer almost killed sakusa" though.

komori (komori-san):

komori is a fun guy! fun silly little guy! i think he likes roping mikio into shenanigans.

nothing super bad, he's not trying to get mikio in trouble with his dad or anything. just silly harmless stuff.

sometimes at sakusa's expense but not always since mikio is a little freaked out by him.

i do not have specific examples for the shenigans though. sorry. if anyone has ideas, my inbox is open always.

komori also gives me the vibe as the kind of guy who would like puns so he makes mikio laugh a lot. (even if mikio doesn't always understand the pun, lol. he laughs and then he's like "i don't get it" and then komori explains it to him)

suna (suna-san):

suna wants to be in his "the dad who stepped up" era but mikio already has a dad. (<- this is what iwa says every time suna says he can be the father figure mikio needs)

ok. jokes aside.

mikio thinks suna is okay. he shows him funny videos on his phone sometimes which is about the only time mikio finds him entertaining.

yaku (yaku-san):

it depends a little but yaku's pretty good with kids, i think. he's another one who i think kids would like because he doesn't talk down to them or anything.

(he still talks to them like they're kids though, he talks to them about their interests)

he does encourage some of the unintentionally rude things mikio says lmao.

"he's kind of weird" "you're right, mikio-kun. he is kind of weird" "HEY"

yaku and komori are secretly teaming up to try to persuade mikio to be a libero behind iwa's back. (i don't think iwa actually has any strong opinions on what position mikio would hypothetically play if he decided to play volleyball in school but still)

hoshiumi (hoshiumi-san):

kind of a menace.

he told mikio that the reason hakuba is so tall is because he watched subliminal messaging videos about making you taller when he was a kid (hakuba backed this up).

so for a few days mikio was using his screen time to watch subliminal 'how to get taller' videos on youtube and iwaizumi was like wtf?? (missed hoshiumi telling him this)

mikio didn't even know what subliminal meant. hoshiumi had to explain it to him.

another time hoshiumi told mikio that if he swallows a watermelon seed it will grow into a watermelon in his stomach and then joined the "players who have made mikio cry" club. (iwa yelled at him after)

he just... lies. a lot. about somewhat harmless stuff but still. he is spreading misinformation. and iwa is like "stop lying to my son"

aran (ojiro-san):

nervous but pretty good with mikio!

he's actually pretty good at cheering him up when he's upset because he just says it's okay to be sad! and then he feels a little better.

sometimes mikio asks him to swing him around like bokuto does and aran is like "absolutely not" (but in a nice way lol, he doesn't want to hurt his feelings but he doesn't want to risk accidentally throwing mikio across the gym)

brings extra snacks when he knows mikio is coming in (iwa usually tries to give them a heads up). he gets mikio obsessed with ritz crackers for a while because he always shares his with him.

he corrected the "hakuba got so tall because he watched subliminal videos" misinformation. i think he's actually often stepping in to correct misinformation. every time he sees hoshiumi talking to mikio, he makes sure to listen in.

hyakuzawa (hyakuzawa-san):

he's not necessarily... scared but mikio gets really nervous around hyakuzawa because of how tall he is. he is the tallest person he has ever seen.

hyakuzawa is... also nervous around kids lmao. because of how tall he is. so it's a little funny to watch them be wary around each other.

yaku tells him not to be so nervous because kids can smell fear.

"what" "they literally can't" "oh haha yeah"

he gets a little better as time goes on but he's always the most awkward around him.

hakuba (hakuba-san):

mikio is also nervous around him bc of his height but hakuba is a little better with kids than hyakuzawa. or at least, he doesn't get as nervous.

hakuba is often on like High Alert when he knows mikio is around because he doesn't want to accidentally bump into him or knock him down. (hyakuzawa too but i think it's a more conscious effort with hakuba bc he is not always that aware of his surroundings lol)

he will sometimes assist hoshiumi in spreading misinformation.

kiryuu (kiryuu-san):

i think mikio likes him! i don't think kiryuu always knows how to interact with kids but he does his best (which is pretty good tbh).

mikio asks him for bird facts, kiryuu shows him pictures of birds he's seen while birdwatching. it's nice.

mikio gains a greater appreciation for birds through these conversations and will sometimes point out random birds while he's out with his dad.

and that's it, i think? i hope you enjoyed. i'm not as happy with what i came up with for the last three (well actually i like kiryuu's i just wish i had more lol) but i didn't really want to leave them out either! if anyone wants to talk more about this, my inbox is always open!!!

asked to be tagged: @theirtheretheyre @thegaycodedvolleyballhimbos @midnightemy35

[whatyourusherthinks]

The Garfield Movie Review

Ah Garfield. The dead-beat dad of the Sunday morning paper. He was popular once, but years of resting on their laurels has made him nothing but a some-what sad joke. Anyway this movie looked bad. Real cookie cutter, bland, kids fare honestly. It did look better than the Bill Murray ones, but almost anything is better that the Bill Murray Garfield movies. I shudder thinking about those horrible eyes.

What's The Movie About?

Garfield and Odie involved in a heist of a dairy farm because of Garfield's dad and an insane Persian. Persian cat, not a person from Persia.

What I Like.

Dudes, what the fuck. This movie is actually really good. For starters, this movie is hilarious. Not every joke lands (and all the worst jokes are either awful cat puns or jokes where the punchline is "Modern gadgets sure exist, huh.") but there's a good 4/5 of comedy that is quick and hilarious. The only pauses in the comedy are for just for visual gags that look like they could've been pulled straight from the comic strip. There is a lot of background gags, admittedly some those awful puns, and the physical comedy is no slouch either. I was guffawing a whole lot more than I ever thought I would. And the movie has some really good emotional moment too. I really like Vic, Garfield's dad and his story was great. All the voice acting (with one notable exception) was great too. Animation is a bit simple, but it is perfect for a Garfield movie since it looks like the simple comic strips, just with more backgrounds and slight texture detail on character. The movie isn't afraid to make fun of itself as well, which I always appreciate, and it is perfect to establish not taking the world too seriously. Funnily enough though, the worldbuilding is much more consistent at following its rules that IF, the kids movie that came out the week before.

What I Didn't Like.

Act surprised when I say that my only issue with this movie is Chris Pratt. He's not horrendous in the movie, there are a couple line deliveries where I thought to myself, "That line kinda sounds close to what Garfield should sound like." But he does not blend with the character, unlike every other actor in the movie. I wasn't as initially dismissive of Chris Pratt as most others. I think he's a good voice actor actually, but here's the actual problem. Chris can only play 3 kinds of characters: the Goofball, the Everyman, and the Generic Action Hero. And Garfield is a Boor stereotype. He's supposed to be dry and sarcastic, uncaring because of either laziness or pride. They do give Garfield more goofy lines presumably in an attempt to make it work better. Didn't work. Funnily enough, the movie makes a bunch of jokes about Mission Impossible (I mean, Ving Rhames plays a mastermind) so I wonder if the film makers wanted Tom Cruise to be the lead. I could actually see that working pretty good.

Final Summation.

I feel undercut here. The Garfield Movie is good, but it's not so good that I'm super excited to tell you all about it. There's not really a lesson to learn in relation to this movie either. I guess I can end with this joke: I came out of the Garfield Movie higher than Furiosa. Not because it's a better movie, good lord no. But I had expectations about the quality of Furiosa that it met, while I had no expectations for Garfield and it vastly succeeded them.

So which is better, IF or this movie. Eh.... The problem here is that the Garfield Movie and IF are good for different reasons. IF was more imaginative (of course it was) and has a better message for kids, while Garfield is more structurally competent and would definitely be more entertaining for the parents. Honestly... If you can double feature them, go ahead. They are both less than 2 hours. Otherwise I'm leaning towards IF.

Anyway, chalk another notch up for a movie I thought was gonna suck actually being kinda awesome. This has lowkey been one of the best parts of this whole 'watch everything that comes out' experience. There's not going to be any reviews for a bit, since no new movies come out next week and I'm probably gonna be too busy to start watching Columbo again. Ciao!

[braywashed]

I was left with the impression that Elton's injury actually added to PD's popularity. I mean, the way WWE milked it and made those hilarious videos and interviews about Elton's recovery I thought a lot of people enjoyed the comedy. However, I agree that comedy can be overused and become an obstacle down the line for them to be taken more seriously and not just as the goofy mischievous tag team. They also strike me as very hard working and dedicated guys. It seems to me that they have come a long way from where they began.

I'm not gonna lie, I really like their image and roles they play. It's sad that some people don't get it and find them annoying. Actually, the biggest criticism I've seen so far is not so much about the comedy aspect but the fact that they are flamboyant and care about fashion and style which for some "fans" is "too gay" and PD are "woke" and "WWE is pushing LGBT propaganda" etc. There's definitely a lot of toxicity in the wrestling fandom.

Lol, them doing the Dirty Dancing lift in front of their gfs does not srprise me at all. 😂😂 I expect nothing less from them. 😂

Also, why are there so many wrestlers in WWE nowadays? Has it always been like this? I mean, just browsing through their YT channel or IG account makes my head hurts.

If PD get a new storyline to work with, what do you think it will be? Or more importantly what do you want it to be?

It helped in the sense that it kind of gave people a really good taste of the kind of personality they could provide (and it was extremely needed at that time due to other events), and the #EltonStrong thing was fun, but it kind of wore off quick. Unfortunately they were fighting the same team for... a long... long time. It just got kind of played out and they didn't really have anyone else to face. And that + repeated matches with no real time to do much = stale quick.

I think the comedy aspect isn't so bad with fans, it's more than historically the company itself tends to kind of... treat the talent as a joke as whole and oversimplify the characters. But management's changed recently, so, high hopes.

The "too w0ke" stuff is funny because on the flip side, you see some people who are like "THIS IS CONTROVERSIAL! GOLD!" like make up your minds, lmao. It's also funny because the pretty boy in a MAN'S MAN WORLD has been a chracter type since wrestling began and was still in black and white. So people being like WHAT HAS IT BECOME!!! is like wow, way to admit you know absolutely nothing.

Roster is pretty big. Too big. The rosters are separate for the shows, but there's still a lot of people that don't get screentime unfortunately.

I'm hoping they face DIY, because I think they'd have some genuinely great matches. There was also this whole bit with Elton thinking, somehow, that one was the other's father - and upon being corrected decided they're "each others dads" and I just.... need to delve deeper into this. Tell me your weird daddy issues, Mr. Prince.

[k7l4d4]

K Reviews and Rants: Miraculous Ladybug Season 5! Episode 5

Hello all, I'm back again with another review! Was honestly unsure if I would get this one posted, given I had a rather long run today in regards to work.

This episode... frustrated me. It essentially serves as a roadmap of the writer's intention to isolate Adrien. In how it presented Adrien as being gaslit by Gabe into thinking his dad FINALLY gives a genuine shit about him and pushing him into a yes/no situation where he's forced to pick between staying a Model or letting Gabe use his image for the Alliance Rings, as well as how it just had Nino act like an utter idiot, running his mouth, putting on a very dumb plan to try and spy on Monarch's actions... the setup feels designed to leave Adrien with no one he can trust with his true feelings and concerns but Marinette/Ladybug, and given how tightlipped she is about herself, that's a recipe for disaster in terms of unbalanced relationships.

Anyway, on to the review! As always, warnings for profanity.

Episode 5: Illusion 

Okay, we get some news interviews... and the thing that's standing out the most to me is XY being a completely ditzy moron, which makes the idea that he ever could've been able to set up holograms to do performances in his place during Season 1... SUSPECT, to put it lightly. Really Astruc, if you can't even do something like THAT consistent, you aren't gonna be able to hold together a message about "wealthy elites" or whatever nonsense is running through your head. 

And oh boy, having Chloe be the local Strawman again, what a surprise. Like... Dude, Tommy, turning someone you are engineering to be hated by the audience into acting as the mouthpiece for every criticism of the show and characters you dislike, and in the most stupidly reductive takes ON those criticisms around makes you look like a petty jackass! 

Okay, why the hell are the show host dude, Bob Roth, and the fucking BANANA presented as a panel of experts... I just do not have anything to say about that beyond "what the fuck?" Why are they using three randos as "experts" about the threat presented by a psychotic terrorist, and how to stop said terrorist, with one of said "experts" being a known corrupt executive!? 

Honestly, what makes this stupid scene even worse is that literally NOTHING of substance is actually discussed, despite apparently being an important talk show segment about the safety of Paris. It trivializes the overall plot of the season, and the series as a whole by giving the implication that people are so unconcerned about it that a goofy spoof segment featuring a wacky tv host, a sleazy music producer, and a guy in a banana suit about how "serious" it is makes for prime entertainment. 

And honestly? They could've made that set-up WORK by having Gabriel SEE the show and become furious that people aren't taking him seriously, and then plans out something audacious. But THAT would require Thomas to be willing to acknowledge that this scene just makes his "sympathetic villain" look like a complete joke. 

Okay, we get a moment of Adrien being completely pissed off over the Alliance Rings and how they involve his father objectifying his image and voice even WORSE Than before... and decides to use his newly gained confidence to confront him over it. Good for him! Now how does this get ruined? 

And there it is. "Call me dad." ...Thomas, if you were trying to portray Gabriel as sincerely trying to be a better father to Adrien... I honestly think this was the stupidest way you could've done it. Oh, he's only JUST NOW deciding to give a shit about his kid!? SERIOUSLY!? Right after setting things up so that he profits off of his son's image and voice. Combined between just how jarring it is that Gabriel is acting like this, as well as him claiming to take Adrien to school himself... I'm sorry, but this feels like he's gaslighting Adrien to me. 

Oh yes, "disappeared." Not DEAD. Because oh no, we can't ever mention DEATH on a kid's show, no no no, we have to wiggle around the topic, no matter how blatantly we otherwise telegraph it. Better to imply that at best Emilie became a deadbeat parent and ran off, or worse that she got kidnapped or something, because CLEARLY THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT WAY TO FRAME THIS SITUATION!!! Oh, and Gabriel's happy go-lucky "family man" mask immediately starts slipping with him nearly chucking the frying pan he's cooking in across the room. Wow, what a great dad, CLEARLY this is a man without anger and control issues! 

And also, when and how have Adrien and his dad EVER been closer?? Like, apparently Adrien's mom has only "disappeared" since LAST YEAR, yet Adrien is completely weirded out by the idea of Gabriel being a "dad" instead of the cold, demanding father who micromanages his life. Again, THIS LOOKS LIKE HE IS GASLIGHTING HIS SON THOMAS!!! 

And now we get to the crux of the matter... exploitation. Thomas, Gabriel basically profiteering off of his son's image (which could be used against him in some VERY creepy ways, I might add!!), whether it be through having him do photo shoots and model clothing/jewelry, or by having him be the controllable face of the AI rings scattered across the city, IS EXPLOITATION. Him having "more time to spend with his son" DOES NOT MAKE IT BETTER since he seems damn convinced to take advantage of his son and ignore his actual wants and feelings. Heck, again, him justifying the Alliance Rings using his son's image and voice on the basis of "spending more time together" just comes off as either emotional manipulation or gaslighting, since he's pushing Adrien into the framework of accepting one uncomfortable and exploitative situation or the other, while denying him the right to not be involved in EITHER ONE. Him trying to put on the "happy family man" role does not work, he just feels like a creep about it, and the fact that he's making Adrien doubt standing up to him because he's acting "nicer" gives the implication that he's only doing this so he can better manipulate Adrien into doing what HE wants Adrien to do, not what Adrien actually cares about. GAAAAHHHH!!!! 

Okay, we get a scene of Alya and Marinette theorizing about how Hawkmoth is empowering his Akumas with Miraculous powers... and yeah, I can see where their theories are coming from, given their lack of information. Oh hey, Nino showed up! ...This is gonna be the start of the trainwreck, isn't it? 

Alright, so Nino basically blows off his future to be, as he puts it, a "superhero," and seems to meaningfully think he'll be able to help against Monarch. Like... I don't MIND the passion and idealism behind this, but I have the sinking feeling this is gonna go to shit really fast. Okay, just got started up again... and seriously Nino, "Comrade Mayo, Comrade Ketchup?" Thomas, are you even TRYING to make Nino serious!? This... this is little kid shit!! And I don't mean the viewers, I mean this is demeaning!! It's just like that stupid meeting before, it's talking down to the audience by assuming they "won't get it" and using the most childish interpretation of what SHOULD BE a serious talking point for the series!! 

I LITERALLY JUST STARTED THIS BACK UP, HOW DO YOU FUCK UP THAT MUCH IN JUST HALF A MINUTE!? 

Yeah, yeah, Marinette should absolutely be the one to question Adrien about the Alliance Rings, not Nino or anyone else who knows him. Oh, and of COURSE they fucking dismiss the fact that Marinette is FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGING THE FACT THAT SHE HAS NO SELF CONTROL AROUND ADRIEN AS A BAD THING BECAUSE IT GETS IN THE WAY OF "TRUE LOVE" BECAUSE WHY THE HELL NOT!? Ughh... this is getting "better and better." 

Nino, dude, using secret "codenames" in a public setting, particularly dumb ones named after condiments, makes you look like a fucking moron. Does- Does Thomas genuinely believe that this makes Nino look clever or something...? 

Did. Did that literally JUST happen. Did Nino. SERIOUSLY ADMIT. To being a Superhero and then UNMASK HIS GIRLFRIEND in front of two people who he has no evidence have ever had anything to DO with the Miraculouses!? WHAT THE RAGING FUCKWAFFLE ASTRUC!? No. NO ON EVERY LEVEL!! This is the kind of nonsense that makes it very FUCKING OBVIOUS THAT YOU ARE A HACK!!! No, I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT IF THE SHOW IS FRAMING HIS EXPOSING THIS IS A BAD THING, IT IS STILL FUCKING STUPID BECAUSE I DUNNO, WHAT IF LADYBUG GETS THE MIRACULOUSES BACK AND YOU JUST PROVED YOU CANNOT BE TRUSTED TO KEEP YOUR IDENTITY SECRET ANYMORE GENIUS!? Astruc, YOU ARE NOT CLEVER!!! THIS IS THE MOST BONEHEADED BIT OF NONSENSE YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLE HAVE NINO DONE AND MAKES HIM LOOK LIKE THE LAST PERSON WHO SHOULD BE RUNNING A RESISTANCE MOVEMENT!! 

But then again, given you are repeatedly portraying him as an incompetent and goofy idiot who is taking things too seriously in the worst possible way, I am wondering if this might be FUCKING DELIBERATE!!! I cannot even BEGIN to fathom why you think making Nino the local DITZ is important, and I don't care to, because this is fucking GARBAGE!!! 

FUCK THIS EPISODE WITH A RUSTY SPOON, for it has tarnished the very IDEA of this episode being able to pull off dramatic and serious storylines with this one episode alone. It's one thing to portray a dramatic or serious storyline and bungle it by making it push too far or with improper set-up, but this? This episode so far has TRIVIALIZED the entire series in the worst way imaginable. It's not the worst episode in terms of writing, but the anger I'm feeling puts it pretty high up there. 

"The only ones who need to keep their secret identities are Ladybug and Chat Noir, not us!" Nino... (Breathes deep) BOY!! Wow, it sure is great that there ISN'T a magical terrorist going around, actively looking for anyone and everyone he can use as leverage to fulfill his personal ambitions and who HAS made it a point of targeting civilians he so much as SUSPECTS of being connected to the Superheroes opposing him, even if it's just to use as FUCKING BAIT!! Because that would make this blase attitude and dismissal of personal safety and secrets that aren't his to share UTTERLY FUCKING MORONIC!!! Astruc... get fucked with a rusty spoon. You have shamed the concept of Superheroes. I am very neutral on Nino, and even I CAN FUCKING TELL THIS IS OUT OF CHARACTER FOR HIM ON EVERY FUCKING LEVEL!!! 

You know, something just occurred to me... Chloe had Adrien's Gabriel-decided diet delivered all the way to the Cafeteria and hand-delivered it to him. Granted, it wasn't her hands but still, that is a LOT of effort to go for... well, ANYONE. While the intended takeaway by Astruc is that she "doesn't GET Adrien and is forcing him to be someone he's not!!" she's really not forcing him at all, even when she obviously disapproves, and would've had fuck all ways of knowing that Adrien was unhappy with how deeply Gabriel dictated his life. To her, this was an act of kindness on a whim for her only friend besides Sabrina. Oh, and OF FUCKING COURSE THEY IGNORE THAT CHLOE CUT ADRIEN OUT OF HER LIFE BACK IN SEASON FOUR BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT!? 

Okay, back on, and we get a moronic scene of Nino justifying CONTINUING to talk about his secret that isn't technically his right to share with Adrien... but it also highlights the MANY blatant double-standards going on in this fucking fiasco of a series!! For god-fucking SAKES, what honestly makes this all stupider is that Nino is blabbing about telling a secret that he blabbed to Adrien on the basis of them being "best friends," while Adrien hasn't shared that he is Chat Noir, yet Marinette told Alya HER secret, and both say that she hasn't shared secrets between them... WHERE DO I EVEN FUCKING BEGIN WITH THIS CLUSTERFUCK OF A FIASCO!? 

For starters, not only is this is a massively hypocritical double-standard presented in showing that it's okay for Marinette to share HER secret identity with Alya, while punishing Nino for having told Adrien HIS secret identity, it also makes Marinette look WORSE by showing that, for all his numerous faults and inconsistencies as a hero, Adrien has at least fucking held to THAT RULE TO AN IRONCLAD DEGREE!! Oh no, let's not get into the potential implications of what this would mean for his friendship with Nino if he ever found out later, oh no, let's move on and NOT focus on that, please and fucking thank you!! 

The second aspect to this nonsense is how Nino STILL DOES NOT FUCKING SEE THE PROBLEM WITH BLABBING A DANGEROUS SECRET IN A PUBLIC CAFETERIA!! Even IGNORING this monumentally stupid double-standard (I GET why Marinette told Alya, but it's still a humongous double-standard in that, despite having confided in a trusted confidant herself, Marinette never gave the fucking okay to Chat Noir, since HE DESERVES TO HAVE A CONFIDANT AS WELL!!), it feels like this stupid scene is trying to JUSTIFY this double-standard by making Nino an incompetent idiot who cannot for the life of him keep a fucking secret!! 

And now Lila is showing up, how will this ruin things further...? 

And Marinette is immediately on the offensive. As much as people still falling for Lila's lies is obnoxiously stupid, moments like THIS CRAP make it pretty damn easy to see where the "jealousy" claims come from. It is STILL STUPID, but when you have her go and say "all the seats are taken!!" particularly when the boy everyone claims you are jealous over is there, IT MAKES HER LOOK SUPER JEALOUS!!! Gggaaahhh... Astruc, why are you such a fucking idiot... 

And we get Nino trying to claim that they are in a secret meeting. In the middle of the lunchroom. Where ANYONE CAN OVERHEAR HIM SINCE HE WASN'T BOTHERING TO KEEP HIS VOICE DOWN BEFORE HAND. Yeah, this is bullshit SQUARED. 

Okay just... just... the metaphor just BARELY works, but it really kills the tension. Adding dramatic music does not make a metaphor about adding and removing honey from yogurt NOT sound goofy and stupid. And when I say "barely," I mean "not at all" because honey would be incorporated into yogurt, meaning you can't remove it, so the simile/metaphor falls apart right away. And then... we get Nino's "plan." I feel that I will be pissed off from this! Oh, and Lila apparently took a photo and posted it on all of her social media accounts, THAT will be fun! 

Nino claims to make an Akumatization happen... and record it... dude. ALL THE FUCK NO!!! If the point of this nonsense is to make Nino look stupid and untrustworthy, YOU HAVE FUCKING SUCCEEDED ASTRUC!! The "magic ladybugs fix things anyway, so no consequences matter" is the logic that is literally used by Scarlet Lady, one of the nastiest Salt-fic takes on Chloe around!! You are actively making Nino use the logic of a sociopath, especially since Nino seemingly isn't taking into account the possibility of "WHAT IF LADYBUG AND CHAT NOIR LOSE!?" There is faith, and then there is blockheaded NONSENSE!! 

Oh, and NO, the Akumatized victims remember FULL AND WELL what caused them to get Akumatized, it's what they were DOING while Akumatized that they don't remember, dumbass. Astruc, how the FUCK did you think this nonsense was a good idea!? 

And then we get Nino dismissing all the criticism on the basis of "eh, I've got you guys, it'll be fine!!" Like... again, this is the difference between having faith in someone and being SUICIDALLY OVERCONFIDENT!! And now a hoard of Adrien fans are storming the place because of Lila's posted photo, of course. Also, it looks like they put in Wayhem but with recolored hair in the front of the crowd. For a guy who is meant to be a fan of Adrien's, he's not so good at respecting Adrien's desire for privacy and space. 

And apparently Nino's reasoning for targeting a parent for tormenting is on the basis of "almost all of them have been Akumatized at some point" while ignoring WHAT IT WAS THAT CAUSED THEM TO BE AKUMATIZED!! Oh, and don't get me started on him glossing over how that label ALSO APPLIES TO ALL OF HIS TEACHERS!! Just... fucking FUCK this shithole of an episode!! 

Oh, started back up again. Nino actually makes a good point about whether or not Gabriel has really changed and if this is just a publicity stunt for the Alliance Ring... but the fact that he is saying this TO GABRIEL'S EMOTIONALLY ABUSED SON makes him look like a fucking idiot and utterly insensitive. And while it's not a publicity stunt, I'd say he's right that Gabriel hasn't changed and this is just performative on Gabriel's part to make himself feel better about being a supervillain. 

Okay, it looks like Nino is apparently acknowledging that he went too far and shouldn't have said something like that to Adrien. But considering how stupid the rest of this episode has made him, it's barely anything. 

Marinette... No. NO!! You should damn well fucking KNOW that trying to deliberately CAUSE an Akumatization is a fucking disaster waiting to happen!! There is no ethically rationalizing this choice, and what is the fucking point of having revealed your secret to Alya if you aren't going to back her up when she's speaking in your alter ego's name on something you SHOULD KNOW IS NOT A GOOD IDEA!? 

Alya, you are right on the money, WHY IN THE WORLD ARE THEY FUCKING GOING ALONG WITH THIS!? Even if it's GABRIEL, you are all literally talking about torturing another human being "for the greater good." Do you have ANY CLUE what kind of BS that is!? There, there is no way to condone this level of insanity!! You cannot make someone look sympathetic when they do shit like this!! 

Oh, and Lila apparently overheard everything and is gonna go rat them out to Gabriel, HOW THE HELL DID THEY NOT HEAR HER FOOTSTEPS!? Them missing her in the chaos of sneaking out of the mob SHE CAUSED I can get, but this!? Nope, not at all, particularly when the only effort she's putting into hiding is standing off to the distance. 

Okay, we get a scene of the Parent-Teacher Conferences and WOW, they did not even TRY to fill the seats in the slightest. Oh, we get Max's mom, Sabine, Anarka, Mrs. Rossi, Roger, Otis, Andre, Mylene's Dad, and Gabriel... but I notice a distinct lack of representation for Ivan, Nathaniel, Kim, Rose, or Nino. Heck, even if they were just nameless background characters, they could've given us SOMETHING TO GO OFF OF!! 

Moving on... 

Okay, they are talking about a file regarding helping the kids figure out what they would like their futures to be, and apparently the school already has them... so what the fuck is with a certain future plot point regarding THIS EXACT SITUATION!? 

...Wow. They are seriously not even TRYING to make it look like they aren't deliberately trying to get Gabriel dirty. Seriously, at least with Marinette, you at least have something resembling an EXCUSE for this garbage, since she has a reputation for being a klutz and forgetting things (both in terms of leaving them behind and having them with her) so her bringing along food from the cafeteria and then getting it all over someone due to being clumsy, at least THAT MAKES SOMETHING RESEMBLING SENSE!! But Adrien literally just turned to his dad, holding a plate of food, and the deliberately PITCHED HIMSELF FORWARD!!! For the love of SHIT, after putting us through this nonsensical hodgepodge of a "plot," THIS IS THE BEST THING YOU COULD COME UP WITH TO EXPLAIN HOW THEY GET GABRIEL AKUMATIZED!? THIS!?!? FUCK THIS NOISE WITH A RUSTY SPOON!!! 

And Alya isn't even PRETENDING to have an excuse or reason for this. Not even leaving something behind. She's also not playing along.... BUT SHE IS STILL GOING ALONG WITH THIS!? And Nino, there's such a thing as "cutting your losses and picking someone else." Insistently attempting to get the result you want on a specific target is a losing battle, and makes you look LIKE A FUCKING MORON!! 

And that was a waste of a perfectly good chocolate cake too! 

Who saw "Adrien gets pulled out of school due to making Gabriel mad" coming? Honestly? ME!! AS SHOULD ANYONE WITH A BRAIN BECAUSE NEWS FLASH NINO, PEOPLE GET MAD OVER THINGS EVERY SINGLE DAY!! JUST TRYING TO FORCE SOMEONE YOU KNOW AND DISLIKE TO GET UPSET TO BE AKUMATIZED IS NOT GOING TO WORK, AND GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY TO UPSET SOMEONE WITH POWER AND AUTHORITY HAS FUCKING CONSEQUENCES FOR DOING SO!!! Dear GOD, if this isn't a plot by Thomas to make Nino look like an idiot, a bad friend, and someone Adrien cannot trust with his secret, then he is an even BIGGER FUCKING HACK THAN I ALREADY THOUGHT!!! 

Marinette, for once, SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT ADRIEN!! You literally have NOTHING TO DO WITH GABRIEL TAKING HIM OUT OF SCHOOL BESIDES YOUR WILLINGNESS TO GO ALONG WITH THIS NONSENSICAL PLAN!!! I have never in my life scene a writer turn their own main character INTO A FUCKING STRAWMAN!!! Because honestly? When it comes to the Love Square at this stage, THAT IS WHAT SHE IS!! She offers up hollow arguments as to why she "can't" be with Adrien that she doesn't actually follow up on, and it honestly just comes off as her whining about how unfair her life is rather than just, I don't know, GET THERAPY!? Because that's what she needs, a therapist who can get it through her skull that the problem isn't that she's "a curse," or "needs to stop loving him," she needs to learn how to ACT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING AROUND HIM , but because she never puts up a real argument as to why her crush is a bad thing, she just keeps getting pushed back in his direction by Alya with NONE of her actual underlying problems being addressed!!! 

Yup. Gabe is pissed off. He couldn't make it a single fucking day with keeping up the "happy dad mask" and it is as obnoxious as possible. 

And WOW, the "Illusion Gabriel" is honestly pretty fucking stupid, honestly. Like, the dude is supposed to be pissed off at having had a bad day where his efforts to try and bond with his son were squandered, but he has the illusion version... moping about how nobody is accepting his efforts to change!? Astruc, is this meant to be a snide reference to people who expected Chloe to change, or do you HONESTLY think anyone views the situation like this!? Like, if it were just Gabriel's own delusions of being a moral person, that would be one thing, but people are apparently buying it, and it is STUPID. 

"Don't worry, we got the video!" A video that shows literally nothing and "coincidentally" glitched out the exact moment he "got the Miraculous power." Ugh... What's really stupid is that the Illusion Collector is AN ILLUSION, so... like, how did he even FIND Marinette and the others so quickly? He should have no clue they are even THERE yet!! And I just KNOW this is gonna get worse... 

And Nino just blurted out his "secret codename" for the world to hear, AGAIN, this time in front of what he thinks is an Akuma... does he SERIOUSLY THINK that this wouldn't tip Monarch off to the fact that ordinary citizens are plotting against him, and take steps to counter it!? 

And now Monarch gives himself a bunch of powers directly to ambush the heroes while they are distracted by the illusion. To be honest? It's a good plan. Even if it blows open the fact that they are fighting an illusion (which is doubtful, unless he specifically uses Voyage in front of them AS Monarch), it's at least a decently executed strategy to maximize his odds of snagging their Miraculouses. 

Okay, so Chat got Venomed... Marinette, you KNOW WHAT BEING HIT BY VENOM LOOKS LIKE, HOW ARE YOU NOT IMMEDIATELY ON GUARD!? And asking him what he's "afraid of," Marinette, people DO NOT FREEZE IN PLACE HOLDING A POSE WHEN THEY ARE SCARED, RIGHT DOWN TO THE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS!!! GAAAHHHH!!! 

If there is ANYTHING that fucking infuriates me more than inconsistent storytelling, it's STUPIDITY driving the storytelling. Seriously, one MASSIVE recurring point with the Akumas is that they aren't aware of their actions or fully in control of themselves, so Gabe making his Illusion-clone say "it's too late to save me! I've tried to change-" and that's as far as I got before pausing it to calm down MY SHEER RAGE at this nonsense... yeah, no. If anything, THIS MAKES GABE LOOK LESS SYMPATHETIC YOU FUCKING HACKS!!! Because so far, the ONLY Akumas that have been shown to be genuinely in control of their actions are those who were Akumatized WILLINGLY!! You cannot come back from that!! Whatever shit happened in his normal life DOES NOT JUSTIFY TEAMING UP WITH A LITERAL FUCKING TERRORIST!!! 

Seriously, this is FUCKING STUPID!! Trying to make Gabriel look sympathetic NOW, right when he is "mid-Akumatization," even if we DIDN'T know that it was all bullshit... I'm honestly baffled how Ladybug didn't pick up that something was wrong, since the ONLY Akuma that has ever expressed any ability to deviate from their Akuma-derived obsession was Evillustrator... and that was only TEMPORARY before it came back worse then before. Like, does Thomas REALLY think that making it that Akumas are always aware of what they are doing and do it knowingly makes for GOOD FUCKING WRITING!? 

HOW THE FUCK DID MARINETTE NOT NOTICE THAT GABRIEL WASN'T SOAKING WET DESPITE HAVING FALLEN INTO THE WATERS OF THE SEWER!? And it was AFTER he had "rejected the Akuma," so if the authors try and spin some BS I am going to call them out on it!! 

One more one last thing. Apparently Nino and Alya think that a glitch in the video is a "magic lightning bolt" that sends and retrieves the Miraculous... and it ends with ALYA apologizing and going along with Nino's nonsense. No having Nino learn a lesson about being going too far even for a good cause (which would at least have been SOMETHING to make this less cringe-inducing), oh no, we have it that ALYA, the only one in this "Resistance" who has been talking sense this episode, realize that "Nino was right all along!" Because CLEARLY getting a crappy video was more important than having potentially traumatized someone!! NOW I'm moving on. 

Not gonna mention this latest bit of stupidity coming forward involving Nino basically admit to this nonsense... nope, not gonna do it. Not gonna give into the anger.

[pesterloglog]

John Egbert, Jade Harley, Jaspersprite

Act 6, page 5283-5307

JOHN: jade...

JADE: hm?

JOHN: i think i just realized something.

JADE: what?

JOHN: THIS MOVIE FUCKING SUCKS!!!

JADE: whaaat

JADE: but you love this movie!

JOHN: yeah, i know.

JOHN: i mean... i thought i did.

JOHN: it's been kind of a long time since i last saw it. i really remember it being a lot better than this!

JOHN: but now everything just seems so cheesy and stupid.

JADE: but you were making such a big deal about finally getting me to watch it with you on your birthday!

JADE: you were going on and on about how i wouldnt be disappointed... but now youre saying you dont like it?

JOHN: i don't know. i'm trying to like it. i WANT to like it.

JOHN: i want to feel the same magic that was there all the other times i watched it.

JOHN: but i can't, because...

JOHN: it's just...

JOHN: not...

JOHN: good. :(

JADE: really?

JADE: i was actually kind of enjoying it!

JADE: its very silly

JADE: i really dont think its the kind of movie youre supposed to take all that seriously john

JOHN: but i DID take it seriously!!!

JOHN: i guess maybe that's kind of the point.

JOHN: i always thought all this hokey bullshit was legitimately awesome and compelling.

JOHN: what was i even thinking!

JADE: i dunno....

JADE: but people can change their minds about things

JADE: i think youre allowed to change your mind about a silly movie

JADE: i used to LOVE the squiddles show when i was really young

JADE: but as i got older i started to realize it wasnt as great as i thought it was

JADE: i was just too young to see how it was actually a flagrant vehicle for selling merchandise

JADE: and if you believed the conspiracy theorists it might have even been pushing some other dark hidden agendas.....

JADE: so i stopped liking the show itself as much but that didnt change the fact that i had a lot of fond memories about it

JADE: i still loved all the cute characters and could enjoy it on a nostalgic level

JOHN: well, maybe later i'll be able to rekindle some nostalgic feelings about it.

JOHN: but right now, i just feel like a dope for talking this up so hard.

JADE: what is even the problem with it?

JADE: ive just been watching this and thinking, yup, i can see why john was so obsessed with this movie...

JADE: its funny!

JOHN: it's just non stop terrible action movie cliches!

JOHN: look.

JOHN: i love nic cage. he is basically my hero, ok?

JOHN: but i'm kind of just realizing now that he is EMBARRASSINGLY BAD in this movie!

JOHN: he is just doing this corny parody of a southern guy who is down on his luck, and acts "charming" with his goofy accent and stuff.

JOHN: some things i used to think were so badass are just coming off as ridiculous now.

JOHN: can you believe that one time we were watching this movie, when he said "put the bunny back in the box" i actually high fived my dad?

JOHN: this time that line just made me roll my eyes.

JOHN: there's so much crappy dialogue!

JOHN: "cyrus, this is your barbecue, and it tastes good..." arrgh!

JADE: but he was trying to sound like a hardened criminal to win the trust of john malkovich!

JOHN: jade, please. it was a cheesy line, don't be so naive.

JADE: what!!

JADE: you spent your whole life worshiping this dumb movie and now youre calling ME naive????

JOHN: ok, i'm sorry. i guess in fairness to you, you have only just begun to climb the steep learning curve of this vexing and hypnotic film.

JOHN: but i am no longer bound by its spell, jade.

JADE: oh god

JADE: vexing and hypnotic??

JADE: its a movie full of explosions about a guy with a mullet

JADE: what is with you lately? you seem to be in such a crappy mood these days

JOHN: i am fine. this MOVIE is what's crappy these days.

JADE: oh bluh bluh

JADE: can we just finish the rest of the movie?

JADE: look you made us miss a whole bunch of stuff!

JADE: hang on im going to rewind it...

JOHN: who even cares what we missed.

JOHN: just cameron stupid poe in his idiot wife beater babbling some more southern home spun heroic nonsense.

JOHN: heart of gold my ass!!!!!

JOHN: everything dave ever said about this movie was right! i can't believe i used to think he was just trolling me.

JOHN: the stupid junkyard scene where cyrus makes a little model out of rocks and stuff, just so he could tell the criminals to surround some army guys and shoot them... that was pointless!

JOHN: and all this heavy handed scoring. oh my god. the music makes every little thing into such a federal issue!

JOHN: like... oh man, SOME MINOR CHARACTERS BEING INTRODUCED IN SLOW MOTION! dun-dun dun-dun DUN DUN DUN!!!

JOHN: there. now you officially know they are all badasses.

JOHN: also, i somehow didn't even remember dave chappelle being in this movie. he was pointless too.

JADE: whos dave chappelle?

JOHN: and you know the malloy guy, the dick head cop who we're supposed to hate, because of how he gives john cusack a hard time and makes asshole decisions with a helicopter?

JOHN: well screw that! he wasn't so bad. so what if he was a little grumpy? he was just trying to do his job. he had one of the best lines in the movie actually, which was another thing we were supposed to hate him for.

JOHN: what was it? about how cusack was probably out saving a tree and recycling his sandals or some shit? HAHAHA! now that i think about it, i fucking LOVE malloy.

JOHN: i'm going to rewind it to watch that scene again...

JADE: no!!!

JADE: dont touch the remote

JOHN: oh, and we're supposed to be like "YEAH" when cusack wrecks malloy's awesome sports car.

JOHN: but that was a nice car! john cusack shouldn't have ruined it like that for laughs.

JOHN: i know *I* wasn't laughing, were you?

JADE: YES :p

JOHN: john cusack was such a terrible character in this movie now that i think about it. i don't really get what he added to it?

JOHN: he was like the second hero... but dorkier? what did he even really do? he scampered around the junkyard for a while goofing off, and then when it was his time to shine...

JOHN: HE DEMONSTRATED HIS MASTERY OVER HEAVY MACHINERY! wow, he can operate a crane! i am thrilled by the exploits of this pedantic weenie.

JOHN: i guess he's actually like cage's estranged sidekick? almost like the robin that batman never realized he had.

JOHN: now that i think about it, this movie was always an oddly poignant tale of bromance between cage and cusack. just two bros separated by destiny, waiting to be united.

JOHN: when they finally come together to kick some ass, it is arguably more moving than when he reunites with his wife and daughter!

JOHN: i wonder if i'll think that scene sucks now too? it used to move me to tears, but now i'll probably think it's so lame, i'm almost afraid to watch it. maybe i should try to leave at least SOME memories untainted.

JADE: john you are kind of sounding like a crazy person here

JOHN: yeah right! crazy like a fOWWW!

JADE: what???

JOHN: oh...

JOHN: i guess there was a stray feather clinging to my pajamas and it just poked me in the ass.

JOHN: god damn dave sprite.

JOHN: that guy molts like it's going out of style.

JADE: oh...

JADE: heh

JADE: yeah

JOHN: where is he anyway?

JOHN: i specifically told dave sprite several times when my party would start, because i knew he would do this.

JOHN: he's already missed half the movie!

JADE: why do you always call him dave sprite?

JOHN: um... because that's his name?

JOHN: dave sprite.

JADE: no, i mean why do you always say it like that? with the space between words?

JADE: its not dave sprite, its just davesprite

JOHN: what ever.

JOHN: i can't believe he's standing me up on my birthday.

JOHN: maybe he doesn't want to hang out with jaspers?

JOHN: jaspers, i hope you're not going to start chasing him around again when he gets here.

JASPERSPRITE: Hisssss!

JOHN: dude, shut up.

JADE: yeah.... john

JADE: i dont think davesprite is coming tonight

JOHN: aw, man. really?

JOHN: i knew we shouldn't have invited both him and jaspers.

JOHN: that's just party planning BASICS.

JADE: no...

JADE: it has nothing to do with jaspers

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: then why?

JADE: he uh...

JADE: kind of broke up with me

JOHN: what!!!

JOHN: when did that happen?

JADE: a couple days ago

JOHN: no. no way.

JOHN: i cannot accept this!

JADE: john its ok you dont have t...

JOHN: you and dave sprite were like the glue holding everything together on this miserable road trip!

JADE: we were?

JOHN: yes, jade.

JOHN: you were our rock.

JADE: your rock??

JADE: what are you talking about?

JOHN: come on, jade.

JOHN: you and dave sprite were like... an INSTITUTION on this stupid golden battleship.

JADE: we were not an institution!

JADE: you are just saying meaningless things now

JOHN: why did he break up with you?!

JADE: um...

JADE: its complicated

JADE: basically hes just going through a lot of stuff right now

JOHN: stuff??

JOHN: what stuff.

JOHN: jade, we are all going through stuff. you don't see me flying off the handle and breaking up with MY girlfriend.

JADE: do uh...

JADE: you have a girlfriend?

JOHN: that is not the point.

JOHN: the point is that dave sprite is a douche.

JADE: i dont think hes a douche, hes just...

JOHN: no, he's an orange feathery douche.

JOHN: why is he such a basket case? he's like regular dave, but like, aloof enigma edition.

JOHN: maybe it's because he's part bird? i think becoming a bird and a sprite did something weird to him.

JADE: i dont think being a bird ever bothered him

JADE: like i said... its all more complicated than that

JOHN: normal dave was so much more level headed.

JOHN: i have to admit, i spend a lot of time wondering what he and rose are up to.

JADE: me too

JOHN: ehh...

JOHN: maybe it's for the best he broke up with you.

JADE: why?

JOHN: well, what kind of future do you think you would have with him?

JOHN: he's a sprite. like really, what even is a sprite? how long do they live? will he still be around if we win the new game we are allegedly trying to get to?

JADE: i dont know

JOHN: there are a lot of things we don't know.

JOHN: and also...

JOHN: how do things even work if you marry a sprite?

JADE: what do you mean

JOHN: i mean...

JOHN: ok, he has a ghost butt, for one thing.

JADE: uh

JADE: so

JOHN: a GHOST BUTT, jade!

JADE: SO WHAT IF HE HAS A GHOST BUTT!!!!!

JOHN: i'm just saying...

JADE: WHATEVER YOURE JUST SAYING, JUST STOP SAYING IT!

JADE: and whatever youre trying to gesture with your hands there, stop doing that too!

JOHN: what? no, i was just...

JADE: nope!!! totally not talking about this

JOHN: but

JADE: put your hands down john

JOHN: ok, fine.

JADE: thats not down, thats up!

JADE: oh well, at least youre not making those unsettling gestures...

JADE: john...

JADE: what are you doing?

JOHN: nothing!

JADE: i hope youre not entertaining some awkward train of thought about, uh...

JOHN: no!!!

JADE: what is with you??

JADE: today is your birthday, youre supposed to be having fun!

JADE: but youve been so testy, as if youre committed to not having a good time

JOHN: well, maybe i'm just getting a little tired of being stuck on this lame boat!

JOHN: don't you think it's gotten kind of old?

JADE: yeah, i can see how you might find it a little slow here

JADE: i dunno, i havent minded much... maybe its different for me though because i used to live all alone?

JOHN: oh sure, i'm sure it's GREAT for you. you get to spend your days smooching and breaking up with dave sprite and what not, and you can shrink down to any old planet you feel like, any time. whereas i have to make this whole big deal of ASKING you to shrink or unshrink me, and...

JADE: but i dont mind doing that any time!!!

JOHN: i know, but you think i want to bug you about that at the drop of a hat? when you're busy and on dates and stuff? i just happen to have respect for something called PERSONAL BOUNDARIES, jade.

JOHN: and it's not like there's really anyone else to talk to, except the inscrutable chess people and a bunch of brainless consorts and an idiot cat princess. oh and also nanna, but i mean, she's my grandmother, and she's great, but a guy can only spend so much quality time with his grandmother before he starts to feel like kind of a loser whose friends are too busy to spend time with him!

JADE: john... if you told me this earlier i would have...

JOHN: and i still never visit any interesting dream bubbles, and we can't even finish our cool planet quests because the moment we broke through the window all our denizens decided to go back to sleep, and...

JOHN: i guess what i'm saying is, i'm MORE than ready to get to the other window and meet our friends and other new people and stuff.

JOHN: are you sure you can't make the ship go faster???

JADE: were already going as fast as i can make us go

JOHN: and how fast is that again?

JADE: about the speed of light!

JOHN: well, can't you use your space powers and bump it up a notch?

JADE: no! nothing can go faster than light john

JADE: unless you teleport of course

JOHN: and why can't you teleport us again?

JADE: i already explained this! i cant do that here, its not within the domain of the green sun which gives me those powers!

JOHN: is that why we can't go faster than light either?

JADE: no thats just a regular law of physics!!! jeez

JOHN: ok, i mean, i know that. but this isn't really a regular place, right?

JOHN: isn't the speed of light like a thousand miles a second? so what does that really mean here? are miles and seconds the same here as on earth? how does this nonsense dimension we're racing through jive with all the relativity mumbo jumbo?

JADE: ok first of all, thats not even close to the speed of light

JADE: light travels at a hundred and eighty six thousand miles per second no matter what frame of reference youre in... even this one!

JADE: second of all special relativity and comparing laws of physics between different frames of reference, those are tricky issues to talk about!

JADE: but id be more than happy to talk about them if youd like. actually i would enjoy that because i never really get to talk about science wi...

JOHN: no, i don't want to talk about physics! i don't know anything about the laws of physics, because they are hard and boring.

JOHN: i simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! is that really asking too much?

JADE: yes as a matter of fact it is!

JOHN: well, guess what? SCIENCE IS STUPID BULLSHIT!!!

JADE: you take that back!!!!!

JOHN: no.

JOHN: magic is awesome.

JOHN: science blows.

JOHN: the end.

JADE: john.....

JADE: what is that?

JOHN: what?

JADE: under your hood...

JADE: looks like a piece of paper stuck to your back?

JOHN: huh?

JOHN: oh god dammit.

JOHN: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!

JOHN: THAT BASTARD!!!

JADE: what?

JOHN: THIS IS TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS.

JADE: what is it??

JOHN: I WILL TELL YOU WHAT IT IS.

JOHN: IT IS THE LAST FUCKING STRAW!!!

JOHN: RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!

JADE: where are you going?

JOHN: I'M GOING TO GO KICK HIS ASS!

JADE: what! john, no...

JOHN: POSING AS MY DEAD FATHER BY MIMICKING ONE OF HIS GREAT FATHERLY NOTES HE USED TO HIDE AROUND THE HOUSE???

JOHN: AND ON THE TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THE DAY HE WAS SLAIN BY JACK NOIR, A *FACT* OF WHICH THAT CHEEKY ORANGE ASSHOLE IS PLAINLY AWARE??????

JOHN: THIS IS A NEW LOW, EVEN FOR DAVE SPRITE!

JADE: ok yes, that practical joke is in poor taste, but you should try to calm down and...

JOHN: NO, SCREW THAT, I AM SUPER PISSED OFF ABOUT THIS!

JOHN: THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO SETTLE THIS, AND THAT IS WITH AN OLD FASHIONED BEATDOWN.

JOHN: WHERE'S MY HAMMER!!!!!

JADE: um

JADE: which one?

JOHN: ANY OLD HAMMER!

JOHN: WHATEVER. IT COULD BE A HAMMER FROM THE BARGAIN BIN OF A HARDWARE STORE FOR ALL I CARE.

JOHN: JUST GIVE ME ANYTHING THAT'S FIT FOR CLOBBERING A GHOST BOTTOMED DICK FACE WHO'S ALSO A BIRD.

JADE: sigh

JOHN: I'M COMING FOR YOU, DAVE SPRITE!

JOHN: DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU MAGICAL SON OF A BITCH? I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!

JOHN: THAT STUNT WASN'T COOL! *YOU'RE* NOT COOL!

JOHN: LIKE IT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH YOU DUMPED JADE FOR NO REASON. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU!

JOHN: YOU AND JADE WERE OUR ROCK ON THIS SHIP! YOU HEAR ME?? OUR ROOOOOOOOCK!!!

JADE: :|

JOHN: AND NOW *THIS* BULLSHIT??? WHAT THE HELL, MAN.

JOHN: I DON'T GO AROUND LEAVING FAKE PUZZLES FOR YOU LIKE FROM THE MOVIE SAW, DO I? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ME SAY I WANT TO PLAY A GAME EVEN *ONCE*?? WELL, HAVE YOU????

JOHN: NO, BECAUSE THAT WOULD STIR UP PAINFUL MEMORIES OF A DEARLY DEPARTED LOVED ONE, AND THEREFORE WOULD BE UNBELIEVABLY SHITTY OF ME!!!!!!!!

JOHN: HEY! I SEE YOU THERE!

JOHN: GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW, WISE GUY!

JOHN: OH NO, DON'T PLAY DUMB. I CAN SEE YOU PLAIN AS DAY. I'M ON TO YOU, BUDDY.

JOHN: STOP VAGUELY WATERMARKING THE SKY WITH YOUR SMUG DOUCHEY FACE THIS INSTANT AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!!!

JOHN: YEAH SURE, LAUGH IT UP! THAT MAKES YOU SEEM LIKE WAY LESS OF A TOOL. NICE GOING BRO!

JOHN: EVERYONE ON THIS BOAT IS SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR BULLSHIT! WHY DON'T YOU JUST FLY AWAY AND LEAVE US ALONE?

JOHN: HOW CAN YOU BE SO MUCH MORE OF A PRICK THAN THE REAL DAVE? YOU ARE THE MOST PISS POOR SUBSTITUTE FOR A BEST FRIEND A GUY EVER HAD.

JOHN: I CAN'T *WAIT* TO MEET UP WITH THE REAL DAVE AGAIN. THAT WAY WE CAN ALL GO BACK TO THE AWESOME STATUS QUO OF PRETENDING YOU NEVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE!

JADE: john...

JADE: theres no one there

JOHN: oh he's THERE alright.

JOHN: he's probably just using some sprite magic so only i can see him.

JOHN: don't you see, jade? he's antagonizing ME PERSONALLY, not you. he's done with you, remember?

JOHN: he already used you like a rented mule, and now he is moving on to greener pastures.

JADE: what pastures

JOHN: it's me.

JOHN: I'M the pastures.

JOHN: and now his mule is grazing all over them, while he has a good laugh.

JADE: what

JADE: wasnt i supposed to be the mule?

JADE: i dont think i understand your analogy

JOHN: no, you see, it's...

JOHN: the mule represented, like...

JOHN: i don't know, like the spirit animal of his douchey ways. or something.

JADE: ....

JOHN: augh, WHO CAAARES.

JOHN: who cares about mules, or pastures, or dave sprite's stupid ephemeral sky visage.

JOHN: who cares about anything!!!

JOHN: who cares about my birthday, or nic cage, or this boat full of idiots.

JOHN: JUST.

JOHN: WHO.

JOHN: CARES.

JADE: john i think youre officially throwing a tantrum here

JADE: ...

JADE: john?

JADE: john...

JADE: are you asleep?

JADE: please dont tell me you just fell asleep in your driveway

[queen-of-boops]

Volume 9 Thoughts

Okay, how is Joyo so cute?! I just love him so much

Ohhh, new swimsuits. I love the dark red one (even if it's a cross between Geri and Uma's suits)

Bonnie and Bryson are the most confusing thing ever. Are they a friendship couple? Cause they act like kids who think they know what dating is but have no clue.

And I'm sorry FB, me and Joyo not being on the same page when we never even talked about it is not drama. And it's sure as hell not gonna make me doubt out connection, I don't need to be able to read his mind in order to be a good couple.

Kissing challenge so late feels weird, but okay. I actually don't mind the awkward kiss (although the reasoning was a little iffy imo), not every kiss is going to be amazing every time

I really need Geri to get a grip though, homegirl Joyo doesn't want you. And he's too nice to tell you your kiss was average at best.

Winning the challenge after doing mostly cheek kisses, ah, a FB classic

That Bryson/Bonnie announcement was... a little cringy

The pool game is fun though. I really love the fluffy, goofy moments

I love that the little things have carried through. I said I used to do roller derby back in casa and it comes up again when I'm battling Geri for the ball

I so need FB to stop using the word 'smooch', it has lost all meaning. But at least Joyo having always dreamed about an underwater kiss makes sense for him

Okay, that story about Joyo's dad accidently standing up his mom is adorable (I know it's probably shared dialogue, but it actually made me aw out loud)

Definitely not complaining about Joyo laying everything out for me either

Evan and Travis have gotten zero attention from me, so why are they trying to make a last ditch effort? I am giggling about the fact that everyone knows Bryson likes me though and he still won't tell me.

Being able to kiss Joyo on the cheek in front of Geri and rubbing it in a bit has me happier than I have any right to be

Joyo is secretly such a drama king and I'm kinda here for it

Seriously, are Bonnie and Bryson a real couple or not? I'm so confused by them

WE'RE BACK TOGETHER!!!!!

A part of me really wanted Geri to pick Alex just for the drama, but her and Travis are already a bizarre couple

Hideaway next week! Suck it Geri

Say what you want about this season, but the MC can be an absolute bitch and I love that for her. Honestly this week felt like a lot of filler, but it was still cute, goofy fun. Beyond happy to be back with my man and get to sleep in the same bed as him.

[alostlittleriverlotus]

it also doesn't help that the demonization I receive for "controlling" MA is literally me being disabled and disordered. I need them around more, they help with my chronic boredom. The thoughts I get when they're gonna are so bad. I like doing stuff with them so I call a lot in their free time so we can play games, just see each other, I can see their pets, or we can watch videos together. Last night we called and they just watched American Horror Story. They kept ranting to me when I don't really care and have 0 interest, but I loved seeing their reactions. Even if I'm needy for a call, they may not be or they'll know it's not good for me so we don't call. They won't pick up and will be stern with me in a caring way.

We text all the time cause we're super close. It's not me controlling them. Sometimes I do have episodes if they leave suddenly or I'll get anxious cause I have literally been texting people before they died before, kinda makes you fucked up. I also worry if they're getting lectured or yelled at by their dad a lot or if they're in trouble when they're out and about cause I have a very fearful worldview. That doesn't make me an evil abuser. We have a good system and they work to reassure me.

And anything they do for me, I do the same for them in other ways. Reassurance, support, hugs when they're upset. Especially with how much they doubt themselves cause of their family or people infantilizing them cause they "act" young (which is just them being goofy or silly or sometimes age regressing due to emotional stress), they often need extra reassurance and such. Even when I am experiencing less empathy and can't care or relate, I do it because I can still logic the fact that this is important even if I don't understand it.

The fact people will see me and MA texting a lot, having some issues cause of both of our issues, and spending time together and think I'm manipulating and gaslighting and abusing and controlling them is fucked up. And I know they very much would do the same even if it was irl because I need more help. It's the same way my parents and mental health professionals I saw labelled me as entitled and a spoiled brat because I would require help and be unable to work before twisting it into the fact i didn't want to work.

I hate people so much. MA is dependent on me cause they don't feel like they can go to others most of the time. I have literally flat out told them "you need more supports than just me. I can't always give you what you need and it is stressful for me to always be the one helping you. Please at least go to your boyfriend or something for stuff that triggers me." Like. Yeah there's toxic parts of our relationship. I am just so sick of every single thing with me and my life being lumped into negative, evil, abusive, etc. I have never been allowed to show emotions without it resulting in that, including my autistic meltdowns. I was 12 and told there must be something seriously wrong with me and treated like I was a harmful monster that would hurt everyone out of my control.

MA and I will never have a "normal" relationship. And yes, we need each other. Maybe that's fucked up, but it doesn't matter. I've seen us at our worst and our best. I've seen them come to be confident and self assured, less dependent on everyone else, not needing as much validation from people over every tiny decision. I've seen them change their hair, their style, their name, their pronouns. I've seen them question their asexuality and be insecure because they realized they don't fit the precise 1000% asexual no sex idea of it like they had previously thought. I have seen them go from being obedient to their family to a fault to standing up for themselves, learning to say no, doing what makes them happy instead of what makes others happy. And I want to see that side of us celebrated instead of people around us demonizing this relationship.

I'm disabled. I am always going to be reliant on someone. I need narc supply because my crashes are dangerous to me. I need them to help with my chronic boredom cause those thoughts are terrifying. I'm going to need help physically as well. It's not wrong to need to rely on others and coming from a hyperindependent kid growing up, it's fucked up to guilt me over finally being dependent on someone.

The way people see negative stuff from trauma victims and assume the absolute worst and will gladly lump us in with abusers is sickening. I'm allowed to be psychotic, to have trauma responses, to have episodes without being treated like a monster. MA has always allowed that for me and I work so hard to understand my trauma and have the best relationship we can. The fact their friends would call me toxic and manipulative and say I'm gaslighting them over me having delusions and a fragile grip on reality is disgusting and hurtful. I hate it.

[hologramcowboy]

I hope one day you'll realize that Jensen is actually a great person, he's sweet and humble and nice with everyone.

Is a blast to hang out with him, he's so funny.

He is highly professional and always tries to do his best.

He is respectful and always gives you his full atention if you talk to him.

He's honest, even when he knows people might not like what he has to say.

He loves his family and everything he does is for them.

He's the kind of guy who stops if he sees someone who needs help.

He literally ran inside a burning building to help his dad help another person!

Seriously why isn't any of this enough for you to admire him and consider him a good person?

You know i'm not making this up, all of this is stuff that people who actually met him, had worked with him, who is friends with him had said, that Jensen himself has said.

Anon, I never invalidate Jensen's positive aspects. He's a human being who has both good and bad aspects. True love isn't about finding someone perfect, it's about seeing both sides of them good and bad.

I feel I should caution you that Actors build narratives to market their Brand, so any story that is shared is not like a normal person sharing a story, it's a story being shared within a business context to support the Brand Narrative. I'll give you an example, Goofy Dad guy who always gets cast as a goofy dad duh lol he will always comment, act, dress, photograph etc as a Goofy Dad because that is the role he plays within the industry, that's his calling card. So it's a developed image he must upkeep with matching comments and stories, pr talking points that empower his brand. So those stories Jensen sells are not spontaneous and genuine, they are crafted from a PR standpoint to create a certain image. That image is all we know of him and that's what people comment on, no one knows his real persona because his real persona is never on display within the industry. Not even during networking with colleagues because he still has to stay on brand. I hope this helps you understand how branding works for Actors and that you shouldn't buy into that if you want to see the real Jensen.

[boethiah]

currently stuck at work lookin 4 things 2 do bc we're out lol, pls tell me all ur fav headcanons about Barfok :) or any other demons!

obligatory plug for the barfok backstory fanfic. she's a pretty cool gal

anyways i'm just gonna ramble abotu barfok's relationship to the other nord demons, since you kinda asked about All of them n

-barfok... does not like hoag. most people do not like hoag, because hoag is unlikeable, but barfok does not like hoag. during the time of the nordic empire she's strongly against the ongoing civil  war in skyrim-- she starts off as a morrowind separatist, thinking that the morrowind nords should just break off from the empire and live their own lives, whereas hoag's ultimate desire is to reconquer skyrim. she later comes to dislike him for personal reasons as well, and the enmity between them is a contributing factor to her eventual desertion.

-barfok and chemua have a deep, complex, hideous relationship. they are besties and they completely hate each other. as fledgling tongus they fought their first battle together, which they lost, and were subsequently taken prisoner of war together for a week, where they figured out they had similar backstories and unfortunately bonded. they were very close friends for a while after that until ysmir stripped rule of narsis from chemua and gifted it to barfok following chemua's father's murder, which somewhat soured their relationship. they ended up as close allies for the years between the blight of mournhold and the mournhold coup, but only because barfok misinterpreted chemua's temper tantrum as a rebellion against hoaga and jumped gleefully into that mess. chemua is absolutely terrified of her whereas barfok thinks of him as her little science experiment. almalexia is involved. it's a weird weird relationship.

-barfok and bhag LOVE each other. they both think the occupation is stupid and wars are stupid and they try to do as little as possible as jarls, so they're idealogically on the same page. personality-wise they're extremely compatible, both being very jolly goofy people who take nothing seriously. bhag's absconding during the war with the nords is the other major factor in barfok's eventual desertion. they Understand each other.

-barfok and jurgen have a somewhat strained relationship. jurgen hates that barfok keeps breaking all the rules of reality, strongly disapproves of her friendship with chemua, and overall thinks she's far too reckless and un-serious to deserve the sort of power she can wield. barfok tolerates jurgen because he's ysmir's closest ally but she finds him obnxious and thinks of him as cowardly for aligning with hoag on the skyrim issue. they aren't close.

-ysmir was barfok's mentor. he taught her the thu'um, partially to see what would happen if one learned the thu'um from someone other than paarthurnax (nothing good, it turns out). barfok doesn't see ysmir as a father because she loved her real dad too much but ysmir will always be the one who saved her and someone she respects immensely. ysmir himself is very fond of barfok and is secretly immensely proud that she stomps all over akatosh's corpse on the daily. ysmir has endless patience for her  and in return barfok would listen to ysmir faithfully enough to aid hoaga in his war for far longer than she wanted to. they love each other :')

[mickmundy]

Catching up with Thou Giveth Fever and aughh, dear author you're killing me over here (affectionate)

All this tooth rotting fluff and pinning making me role on the floor- OH WHAT'S THIS?

ANGST COMING IN WITH A STEEL CHAIR-

IM DEAD!! IM DYING !!! And this is only the beginning of the angst!!!!! this series carved out my heart and placed it in a blender and the next chapter you post is gonna blend it in the highest setting istg aaaaaa <3 <3 <3

idk if its too late but i read the author's note for one of the chap's asking what scene we liked and thought "oh theyre realllyyyyyy in love" and honestly the scene where Sniper and Medic were baking a pie in the lab/operating room(?)

It was So. Augh. I can't put it into words akdhqkdbn. How they shared stories about baking pies. How Sniper was flustered but also accepting Medic's flirts. The whole story of Sniper and his repression being equated with his experience as a kid and his dad calling him greedy for wanting pie???? Medic wanting to kiss is SO BADLY but restraining himself bc he doesn't want to make Sniper uncomfortable. But then Medic inciting the chase with the flour??? And Sniper feeling genuinely comfortable and letting himself have this fun??? AUGHHH TABLE SLAMMING this scene made me smile like a goofy, hyperactive child in a candy-store

Just??? The way you make these scenes so natural are Too Good <3 I'm seriously looking forward to the consequences of the failed uber (Medic may have pushed a littleeee too much this time uh oooh and Sniper is sooo gonna beat himself up over being this unprofessional on the battlefield)

I hope your day is going well wherever you are! Thank you for posting this series, its *chef's kiss* I eagerly look forward for what you have in store to torture our hearts as well as Sniper and Medic's <3

OH MY GOD HI HELLO I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS INCREDIBLY DELAYED RESPONSE!!! ;__; PLEASE FORGIVE ME.... but EEEEE i am SO happy you've been enjoying my series my friend, i hope you've liked how tachycardia ended!! ^w^ i am so eager to begin posting the next one.. don't worry, they are going to be in Torture Town for some time yet! HEHHE >:)

AND THANK YOU SO MUCH ;;; it really means a lot to me when people let me know that they like how i write the mercs; i want them to feel Believable and Human and i think with characters that have such a like. "legacy" like the mercs, it's something that makes me really nervous to do!! but i've been having the time of my life prying them out of their Fanon Cages and carving out my own interpretations of them... :') and i'm so overjoyed that readers like you enjoy! ^_^ <33333

i'm actually overjoyed that malus seems to be the most warmly-received of my fics in the series, it makes me really happy that people sympathized and resonated with their baking scene... <3 it was definitely one that i was nervous about sharing!! ;_; we've seen a lot of what's going on in sniper's head, but medic's has been kept Intentionally Ambiguous... until this friday! >:) HUHUHUHU....

thank you again SO very much my friend, your feedback means the ABSOLUTE WORLD to me and i am SO SORRY i haven't replied sooner!!! ;-; i hope you continue to read my stories, you are welcome in my inbox anytime and always!! ^u^ <33333 ILYYYYY