#includes: prophetic stuff

[khajiit-journal]

Loredas, Morning Star 04, 2025

Dream interpretation first!

One dream, scattered things I remember.

I was platonically "courting" this man, and I was learning Japanese for him. Which I am actually kinda learning Japanese but very poorly so far lol.

I was at this recurrent horse ranch, and helping tend to the horses. The horses were... a bit malformed, though, they didn't look very good or healthy. Kinda like a horse just poorly drawn and brought to life.

Me and my dad switched phones but his phone was a very convoluted machine I could not figure out.

I had impulse bought this perfume.

What all this means? I dunno. I'm a bit tired at the time of writing this, and I'm a bit stumped on what this dream means. Might have to do a tarot reading for it.

— ☆ —

So, I've been thinking about the question of "Where do the Gods come from?" I think it's important for any deity worshiper to have a personal answer. And my answer, personally, is that they pre-date humanity by eons. Humanity did not exist when the Gods came to be. Perhaps they even existed before the Universe did. Gods are truly magnificent.

I still firmly believe that our relationship to the Gods is mutually beneficial. They help us because what we give benefits Them. They love our offerings, our devotion, our worship. It provides for Them in ways that They enjoy.

I love hearing how other people feel about this. It's fun. I just figure I'd talk about it a little bit!

I had déjà vu during my first reading of the day today. Nothing big happened today, so I think it's safe to assume it's just the "your readings account is doing good!" I theorized before on my main. Which might be big? Like. it helps sponsor my readings and could lead to a paid reading down the road.

Speaking of my readings, I need to decide if/when I want to sell the G-Witch reading and for how much. Way less than the Grand Tableau, that's for sure, because it doesn't take me much time, it's a much quicker read.

Let's see... what else did I do today? Not much. Took a nap. Chilled. Did the readings for the day. How many did I finish today, actually? 5. I might have to stop for the night actually at this point. I think I'm tuckered out. I can only do so many before I get tired of doing the same thing over and over, hence why fishing a bit for some other requests to do after I finish the ones before that.

I did buy a sitting peacock plushie. for Lucifer. Lucifer received it and is happy with Their new gift from what I can tell! Which makes me happy! Because I love spoiling Them.

The spirit haunting me didn't bug me today, except for showing up before leaving while I was out of the house. Which makes me happy. I don't want to deal with them. But it is a bit surprising because out and about is where I'm most vulnerable. I talked to my guardian angel about it who essentially said that now he wants to make peace, but me and my guardian angel both know it's too late. Especially because all the times I've offered an olive branch, he took it and broke it in front of me.

But, I'll probably try once more to talk it out before I do the shadow realming. But he's still getting shadow realmed and kicked out permanently, I'm not giving him a position in my life. I'm only giving him a chance to talk so I can learn why the fuck he's doing this to me, but then he's getting yeeted. I'm really, really not willing to welcome him into my life after tormenting me for six months, even if he wants to, and it doesn't matter his reasons.

I just prefer to be diplomatic where possible, because it can mean things go smoother in the end. So things can end in a much easier way and my banishing has a higher chance of working proper, especially if his goal means he might conscript other spirits into it, if that's even a thing spirits do, I dunno.

If we can talk it out and he agrees to leave, that's great, but I'm still doing everything I can to make sure he doesn't return if/when he changes his mind. He's proven he wants to hurt me and has proven that he is stubborn. I don't know why he wants to talk to me now, my best guess is my guardians have been able to speak to him, but my guardians aren't giving me very many details.

Whatever is learned probably won't be posted in depth on Tumblr. That's for my personal books.

I actually really wonder how this all affects my servitors, alongside the 40 Servants that I employ when I need a specific one. The Opposer (40 Servants) helps alert me when Lemon Guy shows up, and helps my guardians kick him out.

My personal servitors seem to be being fed despite offerings being stolen, which is a good thing. Because I feed them on literal food, which they share amongst themselves. It seems to be enough to feed them, and they know to ask if they need more in which I feed them through the light of the sun. I'd kinda like to maybe make their sigils on metal but their sigils are a bit harder for me to recreate digitally.

I was thinking that when it comes time to make another amulet, because I'll need to at some point probably, I'll use one crepe myrtle stick and one rose bush stick. I have both available to me, including a cedar tree, a pear(?) tree, an almond(?) tree, and dogwood trees. The dogwood would be harder to harvest from for me because it's on public property, whereas the rest are on mine.

But crepe myrtle means regeneration and rebirth, and the concept of rebirth has always been important to me. They also bring understanding. So attach them to a rose bush for proper protection (because of the thorns!), and you get a really potent sounding amulet.

I have to think on it - It might make it worse if they aren't the same energy, so test would have to be performed. I could make a secondary amulet, and even a third with just crepe myrtle, I have multiple carabiners now in each a different color so I can tell them apart by color coding. Rose/Rose is on the black carabiner for example. I have four carabiners available to me, but I don't really wanna use the cedar, pear, or almond at this time, especially because I don't really know what they do.

I didn't even realize there was a cedar, because it's growing on the other side of the fence at the far end of the yard, but it's definitely a cedar. Having access to an evergreen is great for me.

I looked it up and cedar would be another great choice... aaaaaugh I only have so many carabiner colorssssss. I could always use the yarn to tell it apart, but then I need to buy or ask to borrow yarn that's not being used from someone who has yarn.

I'll have to decide later when I'm less in a "oooo let's do everything that sounds cool!" state. I need to experiment to see if meshing crepe and rose together even works. (Granted, I can always wear multiple amulets, I have multiple belt loops)

I did hang up my astrology garland today. Azura seems happy with it. That's good, that makes me happy. It's a good offering, even if Azura isn't one of my Main Dudes. I still appreciate Her and everything, I want Her in my life.

Okay... I think that's all I have to say. Goodnight. Even though I won't be in bed for a moment.

[thedeafprophet]

what if all my ocs were hard of hearing and it just never came up

[thiscatiscreepy]

So I'm rewriting The Smell and I thiiink I just finished the first (and shortest) chapter. I might post the next chapters of the fic here as I progress (the red fanfic website is blocked over here and i don't care enough about it to use a vpn)

I would really appreciate feedback on pacing and word choice and stuff like that, but if you just want to read about Marius having a weird one, you're more than welcome.

Anyway, Chapter one, A Dream.

Sirens wailed and gunshots sounded as Marius approached an immense concrete building. In that moment, he wasn't driven by murderous glee, morbid curiosity or even basic boredom, but pure, unfiltered hatred. There wasn't a single thing or person that made his jaw clench or his hands curl into fists like that crumbling edifice. And for the life of himself, he couldn't explain why.

Inside, the air was hot and thick and made his head swim. The lobby was empty, its occupants either cowering, dead outside or retreated downstairs. That's where he was heading as well.

Someone was beside him. He glanced at Raphaella with a rifle in her hands. Strange, he thought, she didn't favour firearms, the recoil didn't mix well with her habit of flying everywhere.

They found a door that led to the staircase. Looking over the railing, the descent seemed endless. Marius proceeded regardless, with Raphaella closely behind. The ground above them rumbled from an explosion, dislodging dust in a grey snow. They passed dark labs and empty offices until they reached a library-like server room with its tall stacks of powerful processors.

Cautiously, they entered, and were shot at. Raphaella took off while Marius ducked behind an overturned table. He fired at the assailant and it fell to the floor. Hearing shots from above, he looked up to see Raphaella press against a wall as she fired at more armed things. Worry rose in him, she was too exposed. As he opened his mouth to shout for her to fly lower, a shot sounded from below, and the scientist gasped and fell, her metal wings making a horrible clutter. Marius jumped from behind the table and ran to her, shooting the gunners in his way.

Raphaella lay face-down in a pool of her own blood, limbs splayed, a wound through her chest. As he reached for her, a bullet hit his shoulder. He swore and shot back, then dragged her behind a cover and continued shooting the creatures. His shoulder stang. Warm blood spread on the floor.

After some time, the armed beings stopped coming. Marius sighed and turned to Raphaella. She was still lying face down, still motionless, still bleeding. He touched his own shoulder, the gunshot wound had already stitched itself up.

How much blood did she have?

He shook her by the shoulder. She was cold and rigid.

How could she still bleed when she was already so stiff?

He whispered her name, then repeated it louder, and louder again. She lay bleeding. He withdrew his hand, it dripped with blood.

How was she still bleeding?

His heart beat wildly in his chest. He reached to turn her over, to look at her face, but stopped his hand short.

How was she still bleeding?

Fear seized him. He felt - knew - that whatever had happened to her face would be too awful to witness. Still, curiosity and urgency pushed him to see her monstrous image.

How was she still bleeding?

As if possessed, his shaky hands moved to the woman's unmoving body on their own. One took her shoulder, turned Raphaella of her side, and held her so. Blood gushed freely from beside her breast.

How was she still breathing?

Blood-soaked hair clang to her face. The other hand reached to move it away and see the horrible face at last. Marius was powerless to stop it.

How was she still bleeding?

He couldn't breathe as his fingers touched the dark red strands of hair and- "Attention crew."

The doctor jumped out of sleep at the booming voice of the ship.

"Attention crew," she repeated, as Marius rubbed his eyes, "inhabited planet located in the nearest system, landing in approximately four months. Take stock of supplies. I repeat-"

Marius tried to recall what his strange dream had been about, and why it made his stomach turn. But as the Aurora recited her message, the dream slipped from his mind until all that was left of it was an uneasy tightness in his throat.

The ship concluded her announcement, and Marius' quarters fell into the comfortable ambience of machinery whirring quietly behind the walls. Soon, he drifted back to sleep, and dreamed of birds.

[serendertothesquad]

Everyone: "HOLY SHIT SUPER WHY'S COMING BACK!"

Me, who keeps tabs on what PBS Kids uploads on their YouTube channel: "Yes yes, I see. I'm glad you're all happy."

(credit for this goes to SCETV and Resine Group)

[delicate-sketch]

Things I think happened in the chb’s infirmary No Order my references are prophetic dreams and war memories from when i was a health student

- they have like this huge old whiteboard glued god knows how with a little cartoon caterpillar sticker saying “get well soon?” where they (Will and any other poor souls that are in infirmary duty) put everything they need to remember but they can’t make themselves write complete sentences so is just “JuYCE” and “neomicinabacitracinanitrofural” and “CLARISSE = OUT”

- there is this hole on the floor that they always forget to ask a Hephaestus kid to fix so its like a rite of passage to not notice it and end up falling

- They are in a camp. Sharing cabins. Bathrooms. ADHD kids who love to run and procrastinate everything including hygiene. THE INFECTIONS GET SPREAD INSANELY FAST. They have to WEEKLY go renovating the “PLEASE WASH YOUR HAIR WE NEED TO ERRATIC THE COOTIES” ads around the camp.

- we need to rip off the band aid. where there is teenagers there is sex. Michael Yew was pioneer on the sex education topic and his legacy isn’t going to die on Will Solace reign. One thing is cooties another one is herpes. There will be informative and traumatizing videos and awful teen pregnancy documentaries. They are all gonna watch.

- And since they are already here there will be having safe drug use convos too and dionysus is the one sponsoring them there is a rap battle at some point i think

- kids will be kids and most part of the time they are taking care of spread ankles, stomach aches, allergies and flu season at this point Will doesn’t even need to touch them to know when its a flu case

- since they (the infirmary squad) are spending a lot of time walking around they need to wear comfy shoes. At some point Kayla shows up wearing a neon monsters inc slippers. So Austin decides to wear his clown shoes. Now they only accept sandals and crocs. Rules are rules. The weird socks keep going tho.

- on the topic there is a lot of unspoken rules. One of them is that the communal and personal things limits are very rigid. Everyone gets to drink the coffee. No one is going to use Austin personal “Grammy Winner” mug. No one is going to use Kayla’s special glitter rainbow hairbrush. And, mostly important, no one is going to give their bureaucratic work for Nico to help. That is Will’s personal secretary.

- on the communal help tho, sometimes they will use Drew’s charmspeaker as an anesthesia. The Stolls are always there to get a couple of stuff outside their monthly rides to get things. Clarisse is amazing to held people when they need to put their bones back into place. They make it work.

- the communal work have one problem unfortunately. They are neck deep into drama. And into a complex cobweb of they likes them and they kissed them and they hate them. And. Worse of all. They cheat them. Thats when there is screaming. And chairs floating into peoples neck.

- the smaller kids don’t get the drama on its fully complexion. But they still gossip. At least five of them have called Will “Dad”, at least three of them have called Kayla “Mom” and all of them have said “Thats embarrassing, dude.” For everyone around there.

[calliesmemes]

YET ANOTHER ROUNDUP OF ASOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF

ASSORTED SENTENCE STARTERS FROM AROUND THE INTERNET, including quotes from Tumblr, Pinterest, TikTok, and X (formerly known as Twitter), for when a muse wants to be a bit silly <333

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

❛ I am not merely a clown; I’m the entire damn circus! ❜

❛ I will bite you if you continue this behavior. ❜

❛ Being a dramatic ass bitch isn’t a personality trait; it’s a lifestyle! ❜

❛ Trauma? Oh … you mean, my lore? ❜

❛ why must I cite sources? is it not enough to just say ‘trust me, bro’? ❜

❛ sorry for being a perfect sweetie and a genius it will likely happen again. ❜

❛ forget about touching grass; I need to touch WATER I NEED TO GO INTO THE OCEAN I NEED TO DIVE INTO THE SEA!!! ❜

❛ I’m attracted to men with muppet energy and no i will not be explaining. ❜

❛ you want me to make friends with people? the thing that killed julius caesar? ❜

❛ what’s your birthstone? mine is rock bottom. ❜

❛ I absolutely hate that I’m not bioluminescent. Pathetic. ❜

❛ ohhhhh my god i have got to stop mourning the past or whatever. ❜

❛ you expect me to act like a normal human being? I’m wearing a turtleneck! ❜

❛ i don’t struggle with same sex attraction I’m actually very good at it. ❜

❛ unfortunately i often find out without even getting the chance to fuck around. ❜

❛ I’m bisexual which means that I’m attracted to anybody who can defeat me in physical combat. ❜

❛ all anyone needs to know about me is that i’m a dumbass and i love women. ❜

❛ sorry but philosophers aren’t impressive i came up with stuff like that when i was 12. ❜

❛ I pay my own bills; I can cuss all I want! ❜

❛ I don’t have rizz; I have sad eyes and a weird presence. ❜

❛ my demons are chasing me and they’re doing the Naruto run. ❜

❛ honey we are ALL doomed by the narrative. it's not that serious. have some fun with it. ❜

❛ dating me is like interviewing a psych ward patient. ❜

❛ being a girl with very large brown eyes comes with great responsibility. ❜

❛ i’m autistic in ways that you can’t even begin to imagine. ❜

❛ being a loser may be a phase to you but its a lifestyle for me. ❜

❛ entering a magical portal in the woods would fix me. ❜

❛ I’m lonely but not in a hot mysterious way; more like in a pathetic way. ❜

❛ life is so unserious just say womp womp and move on! ❜

❛ you’re vibing? In this economy? ❜

❛ just because I’m small doesn’t mean I can’t kick your ass. ❜

❛ my primary motivators are fear, spite, and aesthetic longing. ❜

❛ sorry about the chaos; I needed attention. ❜

❛ WHAT IS UP GIRL you look foreboding and malicious! ❜

❛ baby i can be your problematic bi wife. ❜

❛ i don’t think any of you understand how important i am to the plot. ❜

❛ what if we are both red flags? what then? ❜

❛ any dream can be a prophetic dream if you’re willing to do some really weird shit. ❜

❛ my hobbies include being right, being gay, and being a hater. ❜

❛ i have a phd in Loving The Color Pink And Also Glitter. ❜

❛ being a menace to society is a full time job and I am dedicated. ❜

❛ my life has been a bouquet of oopsie daisies. ❜

❛ i survive on spite, anxiety, and blasphemy. ❜

❛ if you’re not obsessed with me, why would I wanna be with you? ❜

❛ the hottest thing a man can be is a little afraid of me. ❜

❛ my love language is being a hater. ❜

❛ i don’t get enough credit for acting far less insane than i actually am. ❜

❛ the A in my name stands for always right. ❜

❛ Jesus is my homeboy but God has a lot to answer for and I will continue to be rebellious until he does so. ❜

❛ I’ll see a man with long hair and then remember that I’m not above temptations of the flesh. ❜

❛ i’m going to be honest with you I’m not going to be honest with you. ❜

❛ stop asking me if I’m ok I’ll literally make out with you. ❜

❛ part of my masculine charm is that I’m literally insane. ❜

❛ are you sure those are demons bro? or are they consequences from the choices you made? ❜

❛ i do not identify as a boy or a girl. i identify as a nuisance, an irritant, a fool, and a problem. ❜

❛ praying on someone’s downfall isn’t enough i need to participate in it. ❜

❛ we all need to chill. i won’t do it first but it’s something i noticed. ❜

❛ not to sound like a Victorian woman suffering from hysteria but going to the sea would fix me. ❜

❛ the silly goose convention called; they asked if you could be their keynote speaker. ❜

❛ i deserve unrestricted access to old castles and old churches i want to know all the secrets. ❜

❛ doesn’t matter if you’re cringe or based we’re all just here to suffer. ❜

❛ I’m no longer comedic relief I’m now serious panic. ❜

❛ this is getting difficult to romanticize. ❜

❛ done healing my inner child. next up is my inner teen. her highness needs a sword. ❜

❛ i am God’s silliest experiment. ❜

❛ i’m very vulnerable right now if anyone wants to take advantage of me. ❜

❛ sorry i overshared do you still think im hot? ❜

❛ I can yap for days and still maintain my air of mystery. ❜

❛ good luck sending me mixed signals; I don’t even understand normal ones. ❜

❛ not all of your life decisions have to be smart. some can be purely for cinematic value. ❜

[a-purely-objective-frog]

As someone who works retail in a city with A Lot of mormons, in a store sandwiched between a mormon bookstore and a mormon-run ice cream place, I play a game with myself where I pretend I have only the vaguest of ideas what mormonism is to see how people explain it to me.

(Technically I was raised mormon but I never was a mormon for autism reasons. It's complicated, but I had to go to church for 18 years so I have the rights and information to lightly psychologically torture these nice people.)

Today I had a really odd one. Lady comes in with a bunch of family photos and a few church photos, including one of Russell Nelson, the current mormon prophet. She's chatty, we are talking about her photos while I ring her up when I see my opportunity.

Is this grandpa?

Oh, no, no. That's the president.

(For those of you not in the know, mormons referring to the prophet as "president lastname" is pretty common. Referring to them simply as "the president" is Not Typical but I can see how she got her wires crossed. I try to act appropriately confused.)

...of the PTO?

No, no, sorry, my church has a president. We call the prophet the president, sometimes.

Oh neat! Does your church also have a vice president?

And she crashed to BiOS. I have never actually seen a person crash this hard. I'm sure she's a busy woman with six kids at home and has been running errands all day but she crashed Hard. I actually felt bad. She opened her mouth and shut it without speaking twice, before busting up in laughter, like, semi-hysterically. Then she took her stuff and left, and when I told her to have a good day she didn't respond. Weird, considering how chatty she had been. The vibe was Off.

That is normally not how this game goes. Usually, they are very nice to me and try their best to explain themselves/invite me to their ward, and we play the Politeness game. Idk what her problem was, but I hope she's ok.

[admiringlove]

no one else to turn to. fifth edition of @angstober this year. enjoy <3 masterlist of the event can be found here.

this bar is so dingy.

that was the first thought that stumbled through your mind when one of your college friends (nari? mina? you honestly couldn't care enough to remember anymore) dragged you out of the comforting cocoon you'd built in your room. the funny part was, you barely knew her. she was a friend of your roommate’s. she’d just seen you there, tangled in a mess of blankets and pillows, stuffed animals wedged between your arms, laptop balancing on your knees, glasses slipping down the bridge of your nose. your eyes were swollen, red, but you’d never admit you’d been crying. of course not. too much pride for that.

so you went with her. only because she promised she'd pay for you this time around. it had taken you a good thirty minutes in the bathroom to fix the disaster your face had become. dark circles under your eyes, oily skin that felt too sticky but too dry to touch. when you finally stepped out, the girl (nari? mina? yeah, still didn’t care) was already rifling through your closet, pulling out the most revealing things she could find. fishnets included.

"seriously?" you’d deadpanned, one brow arching higher than the other, your newly applied winged liner crisp against the tiredness in your face, but wildly mismatched with the old pajama pants you were still wearing. "fishnets?"

"obviously. they're hot. and you-" she pointed a manicured finger at you like she was a prophet delivering wisdom, "-need to get over your ex. what was his name again? rin? jin?"

and now here you were. sitting in this grimy bar with nari/mina and your roommate chattering on about something you couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to. you’d ordered a beer, something light, easy to nurse while you tried to look like you were actually participating in life. but, of course, they’d swapped it out for shots the second your back was turned. now, the small glass in front of you gleamed under the weak bar lighting, its contents daring you to down it.

you sat there for a moment, your eyes drifting over the crowd, not really looking for anyone, but searching for something. maybe distraction. maybe an escape, someone to spend the night with. maybe just the strange, uncomfortable feeling of being out in the world again, untethered, alone. for the first time in what felt like forever, no one was clinging to you, no ex hovering over your shoulder. it was just you, out in the open. vulnerable, but somehow... free. you forced a smile, a hollow little thing, and wrapped your fingers around the shot glass, tipping it back in one smooth motion, letting the burn settle into your chest like an old friend.

you couldn't help but be reminded of how much he would probably love this place. old band posters, the kind with frayed edges and fading ink, were trapped in square frames littering the back wall. dark, almost suffocating wallpaper wrapped the room, and the specials were scrawled lazily in chalk on a blackboard wedged between bottles behind the bar. it all screamed suna rintarō. every inch of this place whispered his name in the back of your mind. and you, weirdly, hated and loved it all at once.

"here, take this," your roommate slides another shot glass across the table, and this time, you don’t bother protesting. "this one’s on me, yeah? it’s the first time you’ve left your room since-"

"okay, let’s not talk about that guy!" nari/mina cuts in with a forced cheerfulness, her voice a little too bright, like she’s trying to outrun the shadow of his name. "just drink, maybe find someone to sleep with, and let’s stuff our faces with greasy, high-calorie food before we head home!"

you snort, not bothering to mask the bitter amusement curling in your chest. typical. always trying to drown out the ghosts of the past with alcohol and bad decisions. but for now, you grab the glass and throw it back, feeling the burn take root deep in your throat. maybe tonight you'd let the noise win.

it’s when you hear something familiar, a song, drifting through the bar’s shitty speakers, that you’re reminded of him. of how much he loved this band. he used to play them all the time, without thinking—on repeat in his car, in that stupid, cramped apartment you secretly adored because it always smelled like him, like his cologne mixed with laundry detergent and something unnameable. he’d blast it through his dumb oversized headphones, the ones that barely fit his head so he had to extend them all the way.

you can still feel the weight of that first time he let you share his earphones, back when you were just friends. god, you hated the music. but of course, you didn’t tell him that. you were too soft for him back then. instead, you sugarcoated your words, trying to be polite. "rin, this isn’t really my taste."

"no way, this band is literally legendary-"

you’d laughed then, a light sound that came out before you could stop it. "but i really don’t like them that much. i tried to, though."

he’d looked at you, that insufferable, smug grin tugging at the corner of his lips, and his eyes—that sharp, knowing chartreuse gaze—held yours like he already knew what you were thinking before you did. his hair had fallen perfectly, messily, and you remembered staring for just a second too long. even back then, you’d been a goner, though you didn’t know it yet. you curse yourself now for being in love from the very beginning.

and then, just like that, his gaze softened, his smile turned almost tender. "i’ll make you a playlist. beginner stuff. easy songs, stuff you’ll like, yeah?"

"yeah," you’d whispered, smiling so softly, feeling something bright and fragile fluttering inside your chest, like your heart would burst right out of your ribs and spill across the floor in excitement, like a kid with their first crush; it was so innocent, so harmless back then. you'd had no idea how much those moments would sink into your bones, becoming a part of the fabric of your memories.

so down you went with the shots, sitting in this dingy bar, one after the other. your roommate and nari/mina tried to slow you down—they really did. they swore they were doing their best. but every time you slammed an empty glass on the table, your finger shot up in the air, and the bartender, who had clearly decided to be your accomplice for the night, would refill it without a word. he had a sharp eye, always watching, always ready to pour another, as if he understood the silent plea you weren’t voicing.

it didn’t take long for the alcohol to settle in, for your mind to become heavy and fogged, circling back to him like it always did, like it never could stop. you tried to push it down, tried to drown it in the burn of the liquor, but his face was there, in the back of your mind, waiting to creep in the moment you let your guard down.

"why are you doing this?" you'd shouted, standing in his living room, fists clenched tight at your sides. your voice had shot up, higher and shriller than you intended, and suddenly, you'd felt like a child in front of him. a child in front of his infuriatingly calm, detached demeanor. he looked at you with that same unreadable expression, while fat, hot tears rolled down your cheeks, spilling freely as he put more distance between the two of you. the worst part? he didn’t try to stop them. didn’t even bother to wipe them away. his voice, in contrast to yours, had been so quiet, so measured, as if this was just another normal conversation and not the moment everything was about to break.

"rin, i’m not kidding," your voice had cracked, begging for something, anything from him, "be more serious. please."

"be serious?" he’d snapped, turning on his heel, his tone suddenly sharp and biting, the words spilling out with no filter. "all i am doing is being serious. you’re the one acting like a damn child, yelling, crying, hiccupping like any of this is going to fix what’s wrong." his voice was harsh, cutting deeper with every word, "seriously, when are you going to stop being so insecure?"

the second the words left his mouth, you saw it—the flash of regret, the widening of his eyes as he realized what he’d just said. but the damage was already done. you’d felt it, that shift in the air, the turning point you couldn’t come back from.

then for a few moments, you turned, and your friends were gone. or were you gone? you couldn't tell. your brain was muffled. just a few seconds ago, you were going to the restroom. were you? or were you going to get another drink? your head was spinning.

"goddamn it," you mutter under your breath, cursing yourself for ever listening to nari/mina. these clothes feel all wrong, and the fishnets dig into your skin, each prick like a tiny electric shock, raw and irritating. the walls seem like they’re slowly closing in, inching closer, and the music—loud and grating—scratches at the inside of your head, clawing for attention. you sniff, trying to keep your composure as you stumble toward the bar, your legs unsteady and your mind fuzzy. one hand reaches the cool surface of the bar, anchoring you, and you lift a finger, mouthing a request to the bartender for a glass of water.

"had a little too much?" someone asks, voice low, right behind you, and your heart stutters in response, then slams into your ribs. it feels like everything inside you just stops. you freeze, every nerve awake and alive, and the faint hairs on the back of your neck prickle, rising to remind you of the scent that wraps around you again. that smell—his smell. that god-awful cologne he’d always worn, the one you hated, reeking of cigarettes and something synthetic, chemical, sharp. and you’d laughed about it, complained about it, but he’d loved it.

you don’t have to look to know, but you do anyway. he’s already settled into the stool beside you, leaning casually against the bar’s edge, his eyes studying you with that knowing glint, the one that could read you so effortlessly, the one that tore through your facades. suna rintarō. right here, sitting inches away, just as he always had in the past. your throat tightens, but you force yourself to nod, keep your expression neutral, like his presence doesn’t unravel you from the inside.

the bartender slides a glass of water your way, and you clutch it like a lifeline, hoping the trembling in your hands isn’t as obvious as it feels.

"you look good. didn’t think i’d see you in a place like this—or, uh, looking like that." his words hang between you, weighted with something unsaid, and you know he’s talking about the clothes, the heels, maybe even the makeup you’d piled on your eyes just to survive a night like this. for a moment, his eyes widen, a flicker of surprise and regret crossing his face, and then, in a low voice, he adds, “sorry.”

he apologizes. you blink, trying to process the sound of it. so he knew how to apologize—just never cared enough to do it when it counted.

"didn’t think you had it in you," you say, voice sharp but steady, holding back the anger that simmers beneath the surface. he tilts his head, his brows knitting together in confusion, until the realization hits him, and he coughs, awkwardly. "r-right," he mumbles.

you let out a long sigh, pushing yourself off the stool with deliberate calm, every movement heavy. "have a nice night," you say, your voice soft but cold, the words final. “‘m going home.”

rin watches as you take your first shaky step, wobbly at first, the heel too high and unfamiliar. you almost slip, a quick fumble that you catch by clutching onto the stool. his eyes follow you with a concern that feels too late, a pang of regret in his gaze as you steady yourself and make for the exit. your friends, who dragged you here and insisted you needed this night out, are nowhere to be found now. fine. you’d get home yourself.

outside, the cool air wraps around you, a welcome relief that clears your head just enough. you pull out a pack of cigarettes from your pocket, the weight of the evening pressing down on you as you balance one between your lips. just as you’re about to light it, a hand reaches out, fingers slipping the cigarette from between your teeth. you glance up, and there he is again, standing too close, his face cast in shadows and regret.

"since when did you start this shit?" his voice is low, a little rough, but underneath it is something that sounds almost hurt.

"since you were a shitty boyfriend and couldn’t see that i was miserable with you," you snap back, the words coming out sharper than you intended, each syllable loaded with the weight of all the nights you spent feeling invisible beside him. his face falls, the mask of nonchalance slipping, his jaw clenching as the guilt seeps into his expression, almost painful to watch.

he opens his mouth, hesitating, looking at you as if trying to find the right thing to say—a rare softness in his eyes that you’d once searched for but never saw. and yet, even now, the words seem stuck in his throat, caught behind pride or shame or whatever it is that held him back back then.

"i didn’t know…" he starts, but it trails off, like he’s realizing the weight of what he missed. his hand lingers at his side, fingers flexing as if he wants to reach out, but he doesn’t.

"yeah. you didn’t." you give a small, bitter laugh, and for a moment, he looks like he’s about to speak again, to maybe say something that would make this all less heavy, to bridge the distance he created.

"let me take you home. you're drunk and it's not safe-"

"suna," you start, voice rough, as you blink back tears that are threatening, your tone heavy with something that feels like finality, "stop trying to act like you care. you have to have love to care. and you don't have even an ounce of it."

for a moment, he opens his mouth to respond, brows pulling together as though he’s searching for the right words. "i know you're angry," he starts, his voice softer, cautious, like he’s stepping around broken glass, "but come on. it's seriously not safe. let me at least drop you home-"

"i was alone when i was with you," you cut him off, the words tumbling out raw, unfiltered, almost desperate as they break in your throat. "and i'm alone even now. just… let me be." your voice splinters, hanging in the cold air between you, each word heavy with months of unspoken loneliness.

he flinches, eyes darkening, a flicker of shame crossing his face as he finally absorbs the truth in your words, as if realizing for the first time just how deep the hurt ran. he takes a small step back, jaw tightening as he watches you with a helplessness that’s unfamiliar, a man who thought he knew what you needed but, standing here now, realizes he got it all wrong.

"i didn’t…" he starts, voice trailing off, his gaze dropping to the ground, "i didn’t know it was that bad."

"i tried to tell you," you sigh, reaching to take the cigarette he still held—the one he’d stolen from your lips. you light it this time, hands a little shaky, letting the fire catch. “i really tried to make it work, you know? but i got tired.”

your voice is thick with something old, worn thin and tired, a sadness that almost feels soft in the night air. it’s like you’re still holding onto him, to all the empty spaces he left behind. and part of you is; you miss him. you miss rin like the first breath after waking up from a bad dream. you miss him like a kid clinging to their old toy, like a lover missing the warmth of skin against their own. you missed him so hard these past weeks that it felt like a sickness, something sour and raw sitting in your chest, refusing to go away.

and he hears it—he catches it, the way your voice lingers with all the things you can’t say. he lets out a breath, and you notice the way his shoulders dip, his gaze falling to the ground, his own voice nearly a whisper. "i know."

you inhale slowly, letting the smoke fill your lungs, reveling in the moment of stillness, watching it twist and curl into the night air, like the memories that keep twisting back in your mind. everything feels off-kilter, just wrong enough to ache. but he’s here, standing next to you, and that’s the only thing keeping you grounded, the familiar weight of him there, even when it doesn’t feel the same.

"come on, let’s get you home," he says, his voice softer than it’s ever been, holding a note of gentleness that catches you off guard. “i won’t stay, i promise. just… want to see you safe.”

the thought makes you pause, a flicker of warmth breaking through the sadness. and you smile, just barely—a bittersweet thing, small and fleeting, because the night, the silence, the lingering scent of him all remind you of what you both lost. maybe it’s enough, though, for now. maybe this will be the last thing you share, a walk home in the dark, a quiet promise he’s too late to keep.

"you won’t linger?” your voice is barely a breath, something fragile, almost as if daring him to say he would stay, one last time.

“i won’t linger.”

“okay.”

"okay."

you start walking, his footsteps softly matching yours, just a half-step behind, like he’s afraid to walk beside you. truth was, you had loved suna rintarō, but that love now felt hollow, like a prized possession tarnished over time, something left too long in the attic and covered in dust. he had been a part of you—a constellation of flaws and kindness and that easy smirk that lit him up. he was each familiar angle, each careless comment tucked into some soft, raw corner of your heart, where once you’d kept him like a treasure, a secret.

the love you had was still there, lingering in all the places he’d touched and left his mark. but now, it was a love gone stale, like fruit rotting at the edges, sweet but spoiled. he was the ache in your bones after a long night, the scar you’d kept hidden under fabric. you loved him like a collector loves his hoarded relics—each trait, every feature of his cataloged and memorized, a piece of your memories that you cherished but never dared to bring to light. because when something is hidden that long, it turns ugly; it rusts, it corrodes, like all the unsaid things rotting in your chest, words you’d swallowed and buried until even you couldn’t recognize them.

and he was there, just close enough to feel like home but distant enough to remind you of the thousand small cracks in the foundation. the way his fingers used to trace circles on your wrist, his laugh echoing in his apartment at some stupid show, the scent of his shitty cologne clinging to your clothes. those moments used to mean everything—pieces of him you held close, stored away like honey left too long in the comb, slowly crystallizing, losing its sweetness.

you reach the corner of your street, feeling the weight of his presence beside you like a shadow you’d once welcomed, but now it’s too heavy, too close. he stands back, hands slipping into his pockets, and you can’t help but notice how he doesn’t reach for you, doesn’t close that last small distance between you.

“goodnight, then,” he says, a softness in his tone that feels wrong, like he knows how much he’s broken but can’t reach far enough to fix it.

“goodnight, rintarō,” you manage, voice barely steady. and with that, you step away, leaving the space between you filled with all the pieces of a love that used to be, that’s still there somewhere, but rotten through.

© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[queenvhagar]

Do you know where "the book is team green propaganda" came from? I often see this in the fandom in discussions

The showrunners themselves said this 🫠

Ryan Condal specifically called at least Blood and Cheese and the Aegon/Sunfyre bond propaganda, as in, he believes that women lie about their trauma and Alicent somehow got to the historians through all of this and lied about what she and her family went through (and apparently made up a grandson 🥴) with the specific purpose of slandering her ex bestie of three years/enemy of decades, despite the fact she apparently would kill her sons to reconcile with her... and he says the stuff about Sunfyre being beautiful and Aegon choosing his golden banner based on their strong bond was "Westerosi historical propaganda."

Basically it's their justification/shutdown of critics for what they view as their own superior writing changes to the story. These writers are high on their own fumes and their ego is so inflated that they think they can write ASOIAF better than GRRM himself (despite the fact that Sara Hess admitted she never even watched Game of Thrones and took no consideration of the universe when creating her own narratives in this show).

This also stems from this "maester conspiracy" where people believe a select group of people high up in society are secretly controlling things from the shadows and calling the shots... and like all similar conspiracy theories, this is actually deeply rooted in antisemitism.

It's very unlikely that a large number of people, even maesters, could collaborate in secret and all agree on set things in order to completely rewrite history... and there's the fact that the historical textbook Fire and Blood was written by GRRM as the in-universe definitive source on the real history, using a variety of sources including historians, eyewitnesses, survivors, and royal household staff, in which there are people sympathetic toward both sides of the Dance.

Despite all of this, writers and fans are convinced that somehow all the sources that paint TB in a bad light are fictitious propaganda while at the same time accounts that paint TG in a bad light are taken at face value, and vice versa: parts of the story that recount TG as doing something for realistic reasons, being Targaryen dragonriders with bonded dragons, or even being a loyal united front as a family are apparently lies and stolen from TB in order to make TG look better, so the show "corrects" this by giving it all to TB.

Really wild that anyone can think the author of a series known for his anti war, all characters and sides are morally gray, and each character is conflicted in their heart about love and duty stories apparently purposefully wrote a story where war is justified due to actual prophetic divine right... some characters are completely good and others are completely evil... and their motivation really changes whenever the plot or writers need it... and he did all of it by purposefully crafting a story based on lies for no reason.

And well, we already know that GRRM has some opinions about how stuff like this has failed the story.

[goatgoesmbe]

naw but fr tho i think you've given me more knowledge in islamic sex ed than all my 12 years in school

I went to religious school since elementary and they didn't teach shit abt sex, except that one time about how to keep them coochie clean

So yea, i feel u bestie 😞🤝😞

I mostly asked a professor/ustad directly like, after the lecture i'd approach them to talk privately coz i wanna know what kind of sex toys would be halal 😄

.. eventually some who are used to me made this face like "omg.. this person again" when i raised my hand during qna session (im shameless, ive reached the peak of not gaf)

But i appreciate them for always answering seriously. Like this one time a kid asked if eating pork in Minecraft is halal lolol (it is Halal ofc LMAO)

and some others who were like, "you know what? Here's a whole guide so you can research them yourself"

So.. here ya go sksksk

Bismillah..

THE SOURCES (VERSES)

Can only be taken from:

Quran

Hadith

Prophet SAW besties (Shahabat) habit

Qiyas Syar'i

"But what are thosee 👀"

Quran: the words of God. Usually his response to the Prophet SAW. Like- they were having a convo, or God just wanted to yap. They're all recorded here. Like that whole verse about him saying fuck your psychotic uncle, or the other one about Him scolding the Prophet for his RBF

Hadith: the words and action of the Prophet SAW. In 1st person/3rd person

Split into: Shahih, Hasan, Dhaif, Maudhu

Shahih: valid, undebatable. He legit said that fr (he as in, the Prophet)

Hasan: means good, could be valid.. but one/some of the Rawi is sus.. it's ok tho

Dhaif: WEAK, some sources were questionable but some Rawi said valid- so this could be taken with a grain of salt FOR HISTORY SOURCES ONLY, it's NOT allowed to be the basis of a ruling

Maudhu: Fake, some guy legit said being a nationalist is Sunnah- lmao (bro made shit up)

*Rawi: scholars who confirmed the validity of hadith. Being a Rawi is very strict, they have to be perfect. For example they should never lie. So when i say a rawi is sus, sometimes it's coz someone saw them fishing (some said its Makruh coz ur lying to the fish :( by luring them with nomnom then yeet them u_u)

"But what if they lie about not lyin"

Wallahu'alam. We're taught to always assume positively about anyone except when there's a CONCRETE proof that this person is bad. And if the Rawi actually lie? Then they gonna bear the sins of everyone trusting their cited verses (everyone who followed the verses wouldn't be punished, coz obv they dunno if Rawi lie)

Prophet SAW besties habit: i think it's self explanatory- lol. This usually taken from hadith mauquf (hadith about words/action of the besties- 1st POV or 3rd POV)

This could be taken as verse- because they idolized the Prophet SAW so much so that they copied everything he does (including crouching when he pee- his wife told the besties it happened uh- yeah there's a verse about how to gain reward/avoid sin from pissing alone (Shahih Ahmad))

Qiyas Syar'i: scholars gathering and using their big brains to discuss the ruling for new stuff in modern time (period after the Prophet and his besties died). And since im no scholar, i usually just look up these discussion instead of using my own logic

Notes: these sources are preserved by bijillion people memorizing them. Hadith usually happened like this: A saw the Prophet eating chicken :O (Shahih Bukhari, 5517), A told B, B told C, etc etc (these are called Sanad). And then the Rawi will look it up and probably ask from A to C if that really happened, then the Rawi sorted them as Shahih, Hasan, etc. The Rawi era ended in year 920, no other people would be valid enough to be one in the present.. because well- how could you check if A really said to B.. they've been dead

More notes: it is important to preserve the verses in arabic. To avoid misscommunication due to mistranslation

THE RULING

THE OBJECTS: Halal & Haram

By nature, everything is Halal UNLESS there's an explicit verse saying they're not

Example: there's no verse about cigarette being haram. So the cigarette in itself is halal. But the use of it/smoking.. is another discussion for scholars

More example: Pork is haram (Al-Baqarah: 173).. to consume, trade, or serving them. Touching the meat is ok lol

"But 🙋 how about coccaine✨ there's no explicit verse saying coccaine"

Yes, but it counts as Khamr. Khamr doesn't necessarily means alcohol- but anything that could be intoxicating. Verse againt khamr: Al-Maidah: 90. There may be some scholars disputes (ofc using them for emergency/medical reason is ok.. like anaesthetic is khamr)

THE ACTION: Wajib, Sunnah/Mustabah, Mubah, Makruh, Haram

Wajib: Mandatory, you have to do it and get rewarded :D. If not, the you sinned >:(

Sunnah: Reccomended 👍, you do it? You get rewarded :D, you don't do it? It's ok

Mubah: Allowed, ..no reward, no sin.. just ok

Makruh: Not reccomended 🫤, you do it? Ok.. but if you resist the urge to do it you'd get rewarded :D

Haram: Obviously, don't do it coz it's a sin

For this, an act has to be explicitly stated in verses, whether it's ok or nah. Some might changes due to situations.. (for example: one time during the time of Caliphate Umar, they went thru famine, and the rich were greedy- not giving to people in need during it. So Umar said- U KNO WHAT, STEALING FROM THEM IS OK)

"But how do we knoww 😔"

Look up verses of Quran or Hadith Shahih/Hasan on google and such. Also opinions of valid scholars. Some might varies so make sure to look up if a Scholar is educated in that subject. It's ok to take any opinions to your liking even tho it's different from other scholar (example: most Indonesian scholar said music is halal.. with some exceptions ofc)

Also look at Tafsir! I reccomend avoiding trying to translate the meaning of verses by yourself, because mistranslation is a thing, also its usually worded in a way that it's hard to understand (old language be sophisticated ukno). So it's best to look up what scholars think this verses actually mean + the context of the situation and time when the verse happened (Tafsir)

Alright, enough of the boring stuff

✨SEX✨

Intimacy or any kind of affection to your spouse is an act of worship. So be horny 😌 for God 🫡

Foreplay is Sunnah (Al-Baqarah: 233). Scholars said: preceed with kind words, be playful, kisses, etc (Im saying that praise kink is Sunnah-)

Saying Bismillah and some prayers is Sunnah also, ..don't need to say it out loud, just mumbled it or said it in your head is ok too

Any positions is allowed as long as the penetration is into vagina

Any kind of anal penetration is not allowed :( (From Ibn Majah, hadith Sahih) a/n: lowkey funnyy how God said "NO ANAL" three times here-

But ☝️ Eating ass is ok 👍. Just dont penetrate with tongue/fingers/penis/etc. You can rub or grind between ascheeks, tease the rim with your tongue- these are probably Makruh.. but it's not a sin.. so :P

Period sex is not allowed (Al-Baqarah:222)

But ☝️ You 🫵 Can be creative. Like pussy job, stimulate clit, and the like- as long as theres not penetration to the bleeding cunt it's ok 👍 (probably Makruh)

Sex toys are okay 👍 but only for external stimulation, meaning- no penetration

Sex toys are also okay only if your partner is stimulating you with it, can't use it on yourself ;) (Again, some said Makruh, some said Haram)

Masturbation is not allowed (Al-Mu'minun 5-7, tafsir-ed by Syafii). But some scholars said that it's allowed if you're so horny it made you want to do things with someone who's not Halal for you (like that one Gazxreader mid-courting fic)

Though some scholars did say masturbation is allowed.. (but no penetration) makruh tho- it differs from variety on how scholars think the verse above meant. Some used the argument from verse (Al-An'am: 119) where it is said that anything needed to be said explicitly to be wrong/right in any verse- and masturbation never stated explicitly. Sees also opinions of Tabain, from Al-Muhalla by ibn Hazm- they're ok with it

Bondage and other kinks are allowed if both parties are consenting and had communicate it properly. And it shouldn't cause emotional distress/physical harm

..If anything, indulging in your partner kink is Sunnah :D

Giving each other head is okay, but not reccomended. Just don't swallow :3 (some said Makruh, some Haram)

Pulling out (azl) and using condom etc is ok 👍 but breeding kink is Sunnah (especially when the receiver is into it :3)

..Yes you can suck tiddy and drink the milk

..Yes you can fuck with hijab on praying mattress

..Yes you can use prayer beads as toys, dunno how but.. be creative(?) (still no penetration)

Sexting/Phone Sex is allowed. But either parties are not allowed to masturbate (some said Makruh, some said Haram). Though, both scholars said it's ok if you cum from it somehow with no hands involved/toys (again, some said Makruh some said Haram for the latter)

If you're not ashamed of it.. then do it ig (Said the Prophet, from Shahih Bukhari: 3483)

But it's reccomended to have haya and not be filthy (not a sin tho)

Scat and piss kink isn't allowed because the object (piss&shit) themselves are considered najis (dirty)

Penetrative sex & Orgasm break your fast! But making out and heavy petting is ok (edging is ok ehehe- probably Makruh tho). There's a verse about the Prophet kissing his wife, sucked her tongue, and drank her saliva- which means that doesn't break your fast.. (Shahih Bukhari: 1927)

But if you cum by accident.. like idk, in your sleep, or just somehow- it wouldn't break your fast. Just bathe

You need to bathe before praying if you had sex/orgasm

You don't need to bathe immediately after sex/orgasm

If you want to go another round, it's Sunnah to take wudhu between rounds

If you get aroused, leaking precum, getting wet and such- but didnt have an orgasm- you don't need to bath, just take wudhu

Both parties aren't allowed to talk about their sexy times with other people except for educational/medical purposes

Watching visual pornography is Haram due to the nature of us having to avert our gaze anyway

But reading text porn is a grey area. Either Makruh or Haram

Having nasty thoughts is alright, God made us horny as He stated. It's what you do with those thoughts that would be judged

Voyeorism isnt allowed. Due to the nature of awrah. Sexy times only allowed in private places

Holding hands kissing with tongue snuggling cuddling PDA is allowed tho

and uh.. idk what else, lmk if i miss anything

Just don't get too freaky ;)

Pregnancy sex is alright, as long as it wouldn't harm anybody

If you do any of the forbidden stuff byy accident, like- oh no.. Gaz 👀 wrong hole..

That's not a sin, coz you didnt intent to- but yes do immediately stop when you realized it

And dont feel bad, God is mercifull so repent

Notes: Sin with God and Sin because you hurt people are different. Let's say you ate pork on purpose, then repent and promised to not do it again. But if you hurt someone, you have to get their apology specifically. If not, there would be consequences in the day of judgement. (Rawi Muslim)

Example: Fulan stole his sister's Muffin from the fridge. It's Sunnah for the sister to forgive, she would be greatly rewarded. But if she couldnt help and hold grudges, both would be called forward. An angel would ask if she forgave her brother, if she said yea then cool. But if not, then Fulan has to give one of his pahala (reward/good deeds point) to his sister. And of course, anyone wouldn't just offend one person in their life.. so every each person who had grudges towards Fulan would alsoo be called forward then asked the same question. If Fulan is hated by sooo many people- to the point he has no pahala anymore :(, then the next person gonna give Fulan one of their sin, etc, vice versa.

So.. God may be merciful, but people (me) aren't. Someone could be really good religious wise but is an ass towards people in general, in that case, their good deeds from religious duty is useless *cough*mom*cough* (from Sahih Muslim: 2581)

This is a reminder to be kind 😌 "Speak only good words, or keep silent" or something along those lines (Shahih Bukhari: 6018)

Feel free to ask questions in my inbox/dm- but again! Im no scholar! Just a student :3 So i just gonna offer the opinions of scholars i gathered

Asking questions is reccomended in Islam

Even the Angels themselves who are made to be obedient- asked God when He said he wanted to make humans.

They basically said "Art thou sure?, They're just gonna kill each other and destroy earth". God answered "Yeah ik. Now kneel at them" (Al-Baqarah: 32-37)

Wallahu'alam

[absolutebl]

hi!!! do you have favorite bl movies (maybe with happy endings too)?👀❤️

Top 10 BL Movies

(as of end of 2024, in no particular order)

My personal favorites will always have HEAs (or at least HFN). I don't love ambiguous endings and I hate sad ones. I'm going to include the Korean stuff that has been recut as movies, because I can.

1 Seven Days

Japan 2015

AKA Seven Days: Monday-Thursday AND Seven Days: Friday-Sunday

This is a cheat as it's 2 movies, but that's still less run time than your bog standard marvel tent pole these days, so it counts.

One of the best live action yaois ever made, with perfectly structured angst, fantastic characters and acting, and no problematic tropes. The leads have excellent chemistry although it’s low heat there’s still some really cute mutual kisses.

2 Can I Buy Your Love From A Vending Machine

AKA Sono Koi, Jihanki de Kaemasu ka? AKA Vending Machine Sabi Koi

Japan 2023

This movie is utterly adorable, impossibly awkward, and kinda old fashioned. About a cute nerdy little office worker (he's out!) who has a big'ol crush on the tall hulking vending machine guy. They fall in love. And that’s it. And it’s charming. There’s some first name eroticism (because Japan) and there's emphasis on communication (so not Japan) which turns this into an organically loving and talkative relationship. There’s a bit of an age gap and our office cutie may or may not have a muscles fetish (the hot bod, not the shellfish) because (if I’ve told you once I’ve told you 1 million times) Japan always goes kinky. And you know what, I loved it.

3 Restart After Come Back Home

AKA Risutato wa tadaima no ato de

Japan 2020

Atmospheric study in rural Japan meets complex family dynamics built on a romance framework of city boy meets country boy, grumpy/sunshine. It’s beautiful and icy sweet. Slow moving in places but ultimately worth the patience, low heat, low angst, and stunning.

4 His

Japan 2020

His is about being a grown adult and still struggling with coming out. It addresses the consequences choosing a life disingenuous to identity. Nagisa turns up on Shun’s doorstep with his precocious daughter in tow. This is a touch confusing to Shun since they were each others first love and Nagisa broke his heart. Shun has retreated from society, rejecting the world before it can reject him because without Nagisa he never had a reason to fight. Nagisa went the opposite, pretending to be something he was not, ending up with a daughter he adores and a wife who hates him. This movie is beautiful and the setting is unique and interesting but I'm not wild about the ending, it's HFN (happy for now). Honestly, I think I mostly liked this because I have a mad crush on Miyazawa Hio (Shun).

5 After Sundown

AKA Saengrawi

Thailand 2023

It's from Mandee and horror (neither really my thing), yet I liked it. It's oddly sweet and wholesome, for a ghost story. Phloeng and Rawee enter into an arranged marriage for confusing prophetic reasons. Twists of fate demand that they solve the mystery of a past that is haunting Phloeng's family and harming Rawee. Honestly, it makes no actual sense, but it's kinda historical, and very pretty, so I enjoyed it more than I should.

Korean BL that aired as shows but are cut together as movies & great

In some of these cases the movies are better than the originals, in some they are exactly the same.

6 Color Rush

2021

A unique paranormal twist elevates this classic high school drama into a pitch-perfect allegory for the queer coming out experience and one of the best BLs of all time (I will fight you on this).

7 Semantic Error

2022

The ultimate enemies to lovers, also the prettiest. Sexy older boy discovers pouty younger boy has outed him as a slacker, starts out bullying him, accidentally falls madly in love instead. Korea hits it entirely out of the Parks by doing a university BL with everything we expect from BL just done exactly right. Korea's signature quality executed perfectly with added bonus good story, great pacing, stunning visuals, and fantastic chemistry. You cannot ask for more from a BL, let alone a KBL.

8 To My Star

2021

Hwang Da Seul directing this show about a neurotic actor (actual puppy) who takes refuge with a grumpy chef resulting in sparks, cooking lessons, and LOVE! It’s is a touch quirky to get into, but utterly charming once it hits its stride. This is the ultimate grumpy/sunshine pairing plus the most appealing light-filled kitchen of our dreams. I adore this show so much. Limited use of BL tropes makes this feel more of a sweet contemporary gay romance between an actor plagued by scandal and the chef who accidentally adopts him, but the gentleness will appeal to fans of the BL genre.

9 Long Time No See

2017

This originally aired as a series but I have only ever seen it as a movie. So I'm counting it.

Catfishing assassins on either side of a turf war fall in love not knowing they are on opposite sides. Or do they? Suspenseful plot, good fight sequences, mature characters, hot sexitimes, and even hotter beating the shit out of each other and kissing while covered in blood (this came from KOREA?), plus an HEA. One of the greatest hidden gems of the BL genre.

10 Wish You: Your Melody in My Heart

2020

Set in the music industry featuring a talented singer and the pianist who falls in love with him (and his music), this is subtle and achingly adorable. High production, low heat, short run, very tame, and Korea, so all the pretty. Slow burn and lots of pining.

(source)

[heroesbyler]

Nosferatu 1979 Parallels in Stranger Things: They Love Some Vampire Shit<3

Hello everyone! I decided to watch Nosferatu 1979 after the new remake blew my mind with how good it was, and I realised how insanely the Duffers have been inspired by it in the show. Let's dive in:

The nightmare curse

Firstly, we get this scene of our main character Lucy.

I dont even have to say much on this: the mindflayer's/vecna's curse is heavily inspired by Nosferatu's curse, which is also something hinted with the subtlety of a truck hitting you by all the vampire stuff re: Vecna and the existence of demobats this season. As the classic tale of Dracula/Nosferatu goes, Jonathan, the love interest, goes to Nosferatu's castle to close the deal for selling a house to him, and strange shit is afoot. He reads up on it in old books, and learns about this curse.

The Creel house and General Vecna and One connections

Moving on. In the brief amount of time we get to see Dracula's castle, we see almost all the Vecna/Creel house-attic memorabilia hits. We have the grandfather clock, candles and mirrors. Moreover, Dracula appearance and characteristic hand shape/gesture and milky eyes were obviously the blueprint for Vecna's.

Jonathan is straight up having a bad time over there, obviously, being tormented by the horrors, while Lucy is likewise, also having a pretty bad time back in their city. But before going to them, let's talk about the actual Nosferatu figure here.

In this version, Nosferatu is the most sympathetic version of the Classic Antagonist in this story. We get to feel his desparation, his loneliness and emptiness, we get to experience the pain that is driving his decisions. We get his insight on the curse of immortality, something other Dracula figures dont really dwell upon:

Which is something I consider to be referenced in the Iconic Nina monologue:

Some general shot/line parallels

Back to Jonathan now. He is using a makeshift rope out of his sheets to escape, something we already see connected with the UD AND Vecna visions through the Hawkins gang scenes:

Lucy, ever the Supernaturally Afflicted Knower Of Situations, is serving s2 Will realness in general with her psychic connection to Nosferatu, but in this particular case has an almost word for word parallel to Nancy:

And then we have the whole Master of the Rats thing in Nosferatu which directly corresponds to the flayed rats/fleshflayer situation. And then, having Master of Puppets as a prominent UD moment...The demodog herd being called the Mindflayer's army...Subtlety level? Dustin voice: sub..zero.

The rats in Nosferatu parallel both the flayed rats and the spiders in Vecna visions as we have seen them so far, including this visual reference:

While Nosferatu tries to win Lucy over, the city suffers with the Black Plague, and Jonathan is desperate to save her. The townspeople, and particularly the doctor of the village, brush off Lucy's prophetic concerns as childish, even though she knows that the Plague is caused by Nosferatu. It is giving 'Or is it like the doctors said, all in your head?'/'Where others saw order, I saw a straitjacket'.

Nosferatu's main motivation being the absence of and need for love and some Byler speculation

After all this catastrophe, Nosferatu confesses his love to her after once again talking about how much he suffers for having no one and living forever, and how envious he is of Lucy and Jonathan's love, while also continuing to torment Jonathan as a pressure point for Lucy, causing his memories to be tampered with, and forgeting her (Hello Birthdaygate<3 yes this is all very Byler-y speculation mind you. To me. ).

He asks her to be his ally and go to him in order to save Jonathan, but she refuses, by explaining that he needs to save himself instead of relying on her.

It is abundantly clear that Nosferatu is written as a tormented creature and love is the only thing that could have saved him and he wants (which is exactly why the only way to kill him is for Lucy to accept his love and truly see him, because that lowers his defenses enough to let sunlight in. Talk about that POTO, Dracula, Nosferatu Tragedy TM, oof).

He leaves her alone for a little while, and she continues trying to find the way to defeat him in old books.

Mike at the scene of the crime once again in the weirdest parallel her+ more Nosferatu-Shadow coding

This one goes to my fellow 'What is up with that Wheeler boy' Mike fans that always want to know why tf he gets the weirdest, most ominous, mindflayer-y parallels ever, because this is just BEYOND.

We get this scene of Lucy reading a book about Nosferatu while trying to learn how to defeat him. In the background, we see Jonathan, because in film language, Lucy is talking about Jonathan as well now, as he has already turned into a vampire because of Nosferatu.

demoBats, shadows, demodogs wolves, blood and no reflections, demogorgons stretching the wall penetrating walls, this has it all when it comes to Mindflayer symbolism. Bullseye, truly. Even the undead thing is spot on for Vecna:

Now this is all well and good etc. But can someone please tell me why we have that Lucy / Vampire!Jonathan scene paralleled to a T..........in s1 with Mike and Dustin? Call this a coincidence to my face, lol. Mike baby you are in some deep shit, and no one knows what it means.

Even the freaking book says 'Mike' outside like WHAT in the film language are they saying to me. And yes this is cornplating BUT can't get over that the flowers on the table in Nosferatu's scene are the same colour as the ones Mike brings El. You can't make this shit up.

While Vecna's identity and the Mindflayer situation and origin remains more hazy and uncertain than ever, seeing a Monster that is both humanised but also distinctly alien and inhuman be the inspiration for both the flaying and Vecna's curse strongly hints in the Vecna that we know being a combination of them in some form, something strongly backed by TFS as well (with many asterisks re: its direct canon-ness).

Anyway this Longass Post has come to an end. We love some copy pasting from horror movies on popular show stranger things<3 Thank you for reading teehee

[booigi-boi]

New Starkid/Tin Can Bros stuff to expect in the near future

Starkid

Cinderella's Castle proshot/Youtube release

Starkid Labs, includes This Title Is Permanent, Space Baby and Sissy

VHS Christmas Carols 2024 digital ticket

Tin Can Bros

Gross Prophets in Australia + digital ticket/Youtube

Brian going blonde again 🧍‍♂️

[ducktracy]

Were there any shorts that paired Bugs and Porky? Like the the only ones I can think of are from New Looney Tunes/Wabbit and I just know there had be shorts that starred just them before that.

OH MAN!!! OKAY. i'm going to preface this right now with: the answer is simple (tl;dr: barely, i'd say only one truly counts during the classic era) but the Porky and Bugs dynamic has become a side obsession for me within the past year or so, and i don't really have many opportunities to talk about it on this blog. so i will probably end up giving you way too much info than what you asked for. so there's the tldr above! and to reiterate it further...

SO. YES. to answer your question, they were occasionally paired together in the classics, but nothing really meaningful. Porky's Hare Hunt, which is a self-admitted rip on Porky's Duck Hunt, births a prototypal Bugs Bunny who could not be further from his fully realized counterpart... but there is a direct lineage.

this is the only short in the classics to have them actually talking to each other, and even then, proto-Bugs sounds nothing like how he would. i both count this one and don't, really... it's more interesting to count it, but, this isn't really Bugs. but as the title implies, it's all about Porky's attempts to hunt this screwy rabbit who keeps heckling him and slipping out of his fingers. it also births the Groucho Marx-ism of "of course you realize, this means war!" associated with the real Bugs, so there is that going for it!

interestingly, this model sheet surfaced a few months ago--Bob Clampett had said something in an interview about him helping out with the story for this one, and i always dismissed that as one of his "exaggerations" since he had a knack for making many mountains out of molehills, including his involvement in the origins of Bugs... but this does look like a Clampett or Clampett unit drawing, and the short was directed by Ben "Bugs" Hardaway, whose style was markedly different... so, just thought that was interesting! never got to talk about this yet. this model sheet is more appealing than the whole cartoon!

there's also this from Hare-um Scare-um, which is another proto-Bugs short... very prophetic honestly

there's also Any Bonds Today, where Porky appears in the background alongside Elmer and has at least one line to help shill war bonds, but it's really Bugs' thing first and foremost and he's just sort of there to look pretty and rouse jingoism through being a recognizable and "reliable" face

BUT! the next true Porky and Bugs short in 1943, which is more relevant to your question. A Corny Concerto is really only the "true" short that pairs them together... and it's for half the runtime of the short, and neither of them say a word to each other LOL. but they're together in the Tale of Vienna Woods segment, and i HIGHLY recommend watching it if you haven't yet--extremely entertaining and charming, and paints a very interesting glimpse of what a Porky and Bugs dynamic would look like, had that been a thing. very antagonistic! Porky is hunting Bugs again, who's heckling him (again), coming to a climax where he fakes Porky out by pretending to die and then slaps him in a gag that makes it look like Porky is being a masher. normal stuff.

and thanks to this short i've fostered the headcanon that i think Porky and Bugs would absolutely detest each other if they were ever to interact and it gives me great joy to think about, and has been something i've been thinking about and concocting in my mind palace very much lately.

AND THAT'S REALLY IT FOR MAJOR APPEARANCES.. i talked about it in this ask, but the end of Porky Pig's Feat does make history by being the only time all the flagship stars appear together--Porky and Daffy are held prisoner in a hotel since they couldn't pay their rent, and they start reminiscing on how Bugs Bunny, the great cartoon star, would be able to get out of such a mess... and they try to get his help, only for it to reveal that he's stuck in the same situation! Porky doesn't say anything to Bugs/hardly regards him, but he does start the "gosh, if Bugs Bunny were only here" discussion... Bugs is really more like a godlike cartoon figure here rather than an actual character, and i see it more as a loophole for Frank Tashlin to work with Bugs, since he was very vocal about his disappointment in not getting to direct him often due to being low in the studio hierarchy and being "stuck with the damn pig" (rude!!)

and the last instance of them together that i can think of is a very brief part in the 1964 Dumb Patrol short (clarifying the date since there's a 1931 Bosko short by the same name): Porky in a silent cameo is slated to take down Yosemite Sam's warplane, but Bugs knocks him unconscious and steals his place because "he's got a wife and six piglets at home!" (...or, it's just a slightly more creative way of concocting exposition for what's a subpar Bugs and Yosemite Sam short)

and that's it for the shorts! ...so, surely, you're asking "okay, but why the long winded anticipatory introduction?" and to THAT! i say... because Porky and Bugs had a sort of double life and were very frequently paired in merchandising together.

Bugs was Porky's Daffy-figure in the comics, to the point where they were often the face of the comics together. usually a lot of stories revolving around Bugs trying to stir up Mr. Moral Goody Two Shoes Porky and get him in trouble, the two going on adventures together, or them just being buddies. it's... weirdly fascinating? the comics were often drawn and written by many of the same figures who worked on the cartoons, so it's a very interesting "what if" scenario that might give insight as to what it'd be like if we got more Porky and Bugs shorts

one of my all time favorite comic stories is an entire story about a big, convoluted misunderstanding where everyone things Porky wants to kill Bugs and they all try to stop him. the comics have been excellent fodder in fueling my "Porky just hates Bugs' guts" headcanon that i kinda just thought was me being funny, but has a weird amount of "evidence" for it LOL.

i mean Porky just goes straight for the ankle breaker here!

SO! they have been paired together in the past, but in a sort of strange, convoluted way. in terms of shorts there's very little, and the only time they ever talk to each other one on one is when Bugs is in his most primordial form. the comics and merchandising of the era paint more of a picture of what that dynamic could be like, but maybe a bit of a dubious one, since the characterizations and writing and general style of the comics are a bit different and more sanitized than the irreverence of the shorts, in both tone and format

[thebaldursmouthgazette]

Morrigan not knowing shit about elven lore in inquisition was the point.

One of the themes of inquisition was being confidently incorrect about things because you know a little more than the people around you.

Cassandra confidently arrests the inquisitor for the murder of the divine, fully believing she’s right. She’s wrong.

Everyone names the inqusitor the herald of andraste, fully believing this person was hand picked by their prophet in their time of need. They are wrong.

The chantry and templars think they know what the right of tranquility is, they’re wrong.

Cassandra thinks she knows what the seekers are, she’s wrong.

The grey wardens think that using blood magic and demons they can kill the remaining archdemons and end all blights, they’re wrong.

Every single person and institution who ever claimed to know anything is proven thoroughly, and occasionally embarrassingly, wrong (and this fate comes to solas in veilguard, because he is not immune to overconfidence in his assumptions) and Morrigan is included in that and that is the point.

Her lack of knowledge is textual. She’s not just there to fill a role as elven expert to tell the inqusitor stuff, she is there specifically as a human woman who thinks she’s an expert on elven culture but actually just knows a little more than the average person and isn’t really all that knowledgeable at all because that’s a low bar.

An example of this is when she spends ages telling us about how corypheus must be after the eluvian. She’s completely confident in this conclusion, and she’s happy that she is the one who gets to share it, to be the source of knowledge. She’s wrong, it’s not the eluvian corypheus is after. He doesn’t even know there’s one there. It’s a much more important and valuable artefact, one that Morrigan didn’t know existed. It’s an embarrassing mistake, and one she awkwardly tries to save face on by pointing out there is still an eluvian so she was right about that at least. That isn’t just the player seeing she’s not actually all that knowledgeable, her lack of knowledge is textual. Her role in this is specifically that she doesn’t know what she is talking about.

It wouldn’t have worked if her role in the story was filled by an elf actually knowledgeable in elven lore, for example Merrill, because they’d actually know what they’re talking about and be aware of gaps in knowledge and willing to be proven wrong about things, and that part of the story would completely fall apart, because it’s not actually about having an expert on elven lore, it’s about having someone who pretends to be but is very much not.

[nerdygaymormon]

Hello, i was hoping I could get some advice on some stuff. I jus wanna start with that I truly love the gospel. I love God and I love Jesus Christ. I truly believe that they love everyone. I have been having such a hard time with church history because it's so hard to understand why there's such a a huge disconnect between the church and the gospel I love. Especially learning about the massacre that Brigham Young carried out, I really struggle to understand how that's a part of this church. I love the community I've gotten from church and I definitely don't think we are as bad as people like to think. But I don't understand why the church is allowed to be so wrong sometimes (like not allowing black men the priesthood) and still be standing for the truth I believe. There's just so much weird stuff and it feels so alien and I'm really panicking because I'm also going to BYU this fall and I'm worried I will be miserable (especially as a bigender bisexual 😓) and feel trapped. Im kindve rambling but how you deal with the gap between what we believe and what we follow? Does it ever get easier? How do I explain to people I am a part of this church and I love it but I can't stand with the church on so many things? I didn't even get into my struggle with my sexuality and gender with the church, but like, I don't know! I really don't know how to be so passionate about justice and what's right while attending a university with a name such as brigham young. Will my trouble with the church affect my closeness with God? I hope I am not asking too many questions. Thank you!!

In our church, we claim to have prophets, and many people define this as someone who speaks for God. Many members also believe that a prophet will NEVER lead the church astray. So to ever have an opinion that differs from the prophet will be seen by them as going against God.

I don't believe that is true and our church's own history, as you point out, is evidence that the prophets sometimes get it wrong.

I look to the teachings of Jesus for what is the gospel, and Jesus says it is that the way we love God is we love people, and anything which isn't loving is not the gospel. Consistent with this, Jesus teaches that all people are equal, that the differences which divide us disappear in the gospel. Yet we belong to a church which has a long history of grouping people by perceived differences and treating them differently. But, we also have a church history of an expanding circle of inclusion and that gives me hope.

I want the church to do better, I want it to embody the truths that Jesus taught. I believe a prophet is acting as a prophet when he is pointing to Jesus, that is the goal, the ideal, where we should be headed. Too many members think the goal is to be like the prophet, but they should be looking at where he's pointing. The prophet is a person and therefore has flaws and biases, he has free agency to make mistakes. To hold him to the impossible standard of perfection is unfair, and it also robs us of learning that the church can change and grow in understanding and do better, and that members have a role in making that happen.

President Nelson called upon church members "to lead out in abandoning attitudes and actions of prejudice." I support this, I want more of this, it is a call to better live the teachings of Christ. It saddens me that he seems to only mean abandoning prejudice towards Black people, and possibly to foreigners. I wish he included queer people, but that's a step that he, and probably a majority of the church membership, is not ready for, but if we head in the direction he is pointing then we will get there. This is how I deal with the gap between what we believe and what we do as a church.

Does it ever get easier? Well, in some ways it does, but in many ways it does not. I think many people, especially queer people, wind up leaving the LDS Church in order to cut out the dissonance it causes in their lives between the reality of their experience and what the church teaches about them and requires of them.

I live in Florida, church members here get enthused about hurricane cleanup. It's a tangible way to help others. You can see the impact your service is having. There are inactive and former members who ask to be included in hurricane cleanup efforts. I think if this church were to have a homeless ministry, if it were to run soup kitchens, and so on, many people would react positively to the opportunity to serve others. It is the embodiment of loving people. Some of these same people balk at the idea of having the government do these things, even though it could do so on a scale that would help so many more people, and I think the main difference is seeing someone up close versus being able to think of people in other circumstances as "other," as "not like me."

I am a gay person. At church, I am not constantly preaching about how the church needs to change its teachings and policies about queer people, even though I do believe that. I choose to let people know I am a member like them, I clean the church when it's my turn, I accept and do callings, I make comments in Sunday School and speak in Sacrament meeting. Most of the time that does not involve me mentioning that I'm gay, but it also doesn't mean that I hide this about me. I mention it when it's relevant, when I can share how this teaching or policy impacts me, when I can use my queerness to illustrate a gospel principle. By building on the things we agree on, by participating and doing the things expected of Latter-day Saints, it also gives me space to share where I don't agree.

I don't have the power to change the church and make it more like I believe it should be, but I can help people better understand what it's like to be a queer person. I can speak up in a way that builds on common beliefs to point out ways to lessen the limitations we put on women, disabled people, queer people and others in this church. If I want the larger community to change, as the minority I have to be willing to help educate, to help people become more comfortable with what progress can look like. And maybe it's not fair that marginalized groups have to do so much of the work to get positive change, it's a burden they carry, but I don't know how else it gets done.

As for your closeness with God, that is up to you. The church doesn't have to dictate that relationship. In fact, your relationship with God could move you away from the church as you find that God loves and values queer people, that God really is with the poor and afflicted, not the comfortable who like to think they have contained God in a box that looks like them.

When you attend BYU, be sure to check out USGA. Also look for the Gather Conference and Affirmation Conference which may be held close by. See what is offered at Encircle House. Find ways to affirm your queerness and your faith with others who understand your experience.