#incorrect CoB quote

[whysowise]

bro graduated from fat bastard academy with a PhD in fat slobbery

[osc-incorrect-quotes]

> submitted by @flurraz

MePhone4S, about MePhone4: Papa didn't raise no bitch, and even if he did it's my brother.

Knife: Your papa didn't raise you at all!

[static-errorcode]

God's among inanimates ii au/sequal season au cast incorrect quotes

dead relms-

Kai: If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will.

Steve cobs: That's not funny.

Kai: I thought it was funny.

Steve cobs: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of my funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

Nick le: Can you keep a secret?

Kai: Well, I'm good until I meet the next person.

Kai: I feel awful about killing you.

Steve cobs:

Kai: Even though technically you never even died, so I don’t know what you’re bitching about.

Zachary zoetrope: Go to sleep or you'll hate yourself in the morning!

Steve cobs: I'll hate my self in the morning regardless.

(How I think cobs and zoetrope would interact regardless of if it's a au or not)

Kai: Astrology is fun because I can pretend that all of my behaviors are just a result of being a Gemini and not symptoms of mental illness.

Grace groscer: Being a Gemini is a mental illness. That’s not hate it’s just a fact.

Cadie: Say no to drugs.

Kai: Say yes to drugs.

Mephone1: It doesn't matter if you say yes or no to drugs. If you're talking to drugs.. then you're on drugs.

(Cadie is my irl gf so I had to include her here)

my ships in the au-

Steve cobs: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.

Ballpoint pen : Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

Steve cobs: I'm trash.

Zachary zoetrope : As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you?

Steve cobs:

Steve cobs: You smooth motherfucker.

Steve cobs: And yes it does.

Caddie : Come to dinner tonight. I can’t cook, but I’ll bring plenty of free wine.

Kai: Marry me.

Kai: My hands are cold.

Caddie : Here, let me hold them.

Kai: My lips are cold too.

Caddie : *covers Kai's mouth with their hand*

Nick le, texting Floory: Hey do you like anyone?

Floory: Yeah you

Nick le: Oh, I'm sorry we're just friends

Floory: *Yeah, you?

Floory: Oh haha sorry lol

Nick le: *dies inside*

(In this au, since both floory and Nick le are God's, Nick le and floory were exes, kinda having vineria owakcx/raddy couple relationship)

Kai: Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade - make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give kai eligh lemons. Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons. I'm going to to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

Land of living, og relm-

3gs: Floory, that’s disgusting. You’re only giving free stuff to beautiful people.

Mephone 4: Yeah, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Floory: Oh yeah? *gets really close to Mephone 4* How about a muffin on the house baby?

Mephone 4, giggling: I’m pretty.

Floory: Why are you looking at me through a fork?

3gs: I'm pretending you're in jail.

Floory: Why?

3gs: It's spiritually healing.

(3gs doesn't entirely like floory, a. since he wasn't made by mephone, b. he wants to make sure mephone is okay, and c. he doesn't know how to feel about mephone dating a god)

floory: you're insane!

Kai: sure I am what's you're point?

Toilet, talking about x (mephone X): WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.

(When x finally had his emotion emulator activated, he instantly fell head over heals for toilet, toilet lovingly teasing x which makes him happy)

Mephone4 : *sucking on a popsicle*

3gs: Pfft, you practicing for when Floory gets here?

Mephone4 : *takes a huge ass bite out of the popsicle*

3gs: *Concern*

Should I talk more about this au?

Also prt 2?

Also here's the link that explains the au

[diamond-draws]

Steve Cobs: Hey, who's the pig?

Baseball: Are you talking to me?

Balloon: Uh-oh he called him a pig.

Baseball: Are you talking to me?!

Suitcase: Shouldn't have done that.

Baseball: ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?!

Nickel: Now he's in for it.

Baseball: THEY CALL ME "MISTER PIG"! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!

[dayque]

I am in my Julie and the Phantoms era and I can't stop thinking that Unsaid Emely is SO Clary and Jocelyn code in CoB

[stahp-right-there-peasant]

MePhone4: *walks into the kitchen, ignoring everyone*

Toilet: Hello, Mistah Phone! How was your day?

MePhone4: *picks up an onion and bites into it, staring at Toilet* Hell.

MePad, watching this unfold: *whispers* Who hurt you?

[3rdblah]

Jericho: I didn’t think I was going to have to put this much effort in, but I know how we can get the money

Nia, nodding: you’d make a decent stripper

Jericho: I’d be an amazing stripper but I was talking about Claude’s bank account

[howlingday]

Ruby: Yang? What're you doing here?

Yang: Well, things got kinda boring back in Atlas, so I thought I'd move back in with you guys for a while!

Penny: Well... you know we're always happy to see you, Yang.

Ruby: But Penny and I are married now, and we'd like to spend some time, y'know... together.

Yang: ...

Ruby: Just with each other.

Yang: ...

Ruby: ALONE.

Yang: (cracks her knuckles) Say no more! I will be right here to make sure nobody bothers you!

Ruby: Yang?

Yang: Yes, Ru-baby?

Ruby: You're bothering me.

Yang: ... oh. Okay. Yeah, I get it. I mean, Weiss offered to take me to one of her fancy opera things anyway, so I'll just go do that... (leaves)

Penny: ...

Ruby: She'll be fine.

I feel like this is a reference... But I'm not sure to what.

Oh, well! Time for an incorrect quote~!

--------------------------------------------------

Penny: Oh, Ruby... This date is very romantic!

Ruby: (Sighs) Just the two of us~.

(Lifts brow)

Penny: (Bats eyes)

Ruby: (Bats eyes)

Penny: (Bats eyes)

Ruby: (Bats eyes)

Yang: (Bats eyes)

Ruby: (Bats eyes)

Yang: (Bats eyes)

Penny: ...

Ruby/Yang:(Bats eyes)

Ruby: !

Penny/Ruby: YANG?!

Ruby: What are you doing here?!

Yang: You said we were going out!

Ruby: No, I said WE were going out!

Yang: Yeah! That's what I just said!

Ruby: NO!

Restaurant: SSSSSSHHHHHH!

Yang: (Whispers) Easy on the volume, Rubes. This place is o' them fancy types o' places~. Oh! Why thank you, Garkon!

Waiter: (Sets bottle bucket on the table, Leaves)

Yang: (Dips feet in bucket) Aaah~! That's the ticket... My dogs were barkin'...

Yang: So, what's on the menu tonight?

Ruby: Uh, ROMANCE is on the menu.

Yang: (Cuddles her) You can have whatever you want, Ruby~.

Ruby: (Shoves her away) No! I was talking about Penny! Huh?!

Yang: (Holding Penny's hand) You look so radiant this evening~.

Penny: (Giggles) Oh my~...

Ruby: HEY! WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?!

Restaurant: SSSSSSHHHHHH!

Ruby: Look, Yang; when two people are alone, they, uh... They act like that! (Points)

Blake/Weiss: (Making out, Pins to table, Licking)

Ruby: Okay, maybe not that...

Yang: Ohoho~. You sly dog, you~. Then I know EXACTLY what we need to set the mood! (Bolts)

Ruby: No, Yang, WAIT-

Yang: (Rushes into kitchen, Reaches in oven)

Yang: (Comes out holding two burning logs) Soft candlelight~. (Dumps on table)

Ruby: (Jumps as flames roar)

Penny: (Pats self as her coolant kicks in)

Yang: (Rams Bumblebee thru front door) YEEEEEE-HAAAAAA~!

Jaune/Pyrrha: (Leaning in to kiss)

Yang: (Snags spaghetti)

Pyrrha/Jaune: !!

Yang: YIP-YIP-YIP-YIP-YAHOOOOOOOO~!

Ruby: (Grabs Penny, Runs)

Yang: I THINK YOU TWO COULD USE SOME (Lasso's them both) INTIMACY~!

Penny: (Slams into Ruby) Are you okay, Ruby?

Ruby: (Feels like she hit a solid wall) m'fn...

Yang: And what's romance without a little... mood music~? (Blows into sax, Spit flies out)

Ruby/Penny: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!

Restaurant: SSSSSSHHHHHH!

Penny: Perhaps we should just leave, Ruby?

Yang: Leave?! Without having dinner?! (Unties, Pulls up table, Snaps fingers)

Wait Staff: (Bring out a feast) Dinner is served.

Yang: (Licking her lips) BON APPETEETEE~! (Slams face down, Eating like starving dog)

Penny: (Ducks as meat chunk flies at her)

Yang: (Buzzes through corn on the cob)

Ruby: (Holds up plate to block) I've got this, Penny! (Rolls to Penny, Grabs bread)

Ruby: (Fights like a knight through kernals, Knocks cob out of Yang's hand)

Yang: WHOA!

Ruby: Do you yield~?

Yang: Ooh, bread~! (Grabs butter, Slathers, Eats Ruby's "sword")

Ruby: (Jumps away, Lands on duck)

Yang: (Eyes the duck, Cracks her neck, Unhinges her jaw)

Ruby: YANG, NO!

Yang: (Lunges)

Ruby: (Leaps away)

Penny: (Distant) RUBY~!

Ruby: Penny?! Where are you?!

Penny: Ruby! I'm in here~!

Ruby: (Looks at Penny-shaped lump in Yang)

Ruby: PENNY!

Restaurant: SSSSSSHHHHHH!

Ruby: OH, GO SHUSH YOURSELVES!

Restaurant: (Mutter to themselves)

Ruby: ...Yang, you know we love you-

Yang: Aw, I love you, too-

Ruby: NOT FINISHED. You invited yourself along, lit a campfire at our table, ATE the table, and then you ate PENNY! All we wanted was a romantic dinner

Ruby/Penny: ALONE!

Yang: ...Alone? Haha~! Why didn't you say so~? (Unhinges jaw)

--------------------------------------------------

Ruby/Penny: (Staring into each other's eyes)

Ruby: (Sighs) Now, isn't this romantic~? The candle-light... The soft violins~...

Penny: And best of all, we're finally alone~.

Ruby: Hee hee... And you know what two people do when they're alone, right~?

Penny: (Holds Ruby's hand, Leans in)

Yang: (Playing violin, Feels rumble in belly) Whoa! That tickles~!

[miguel-manbemel]

Being Corny

Inspired by an incorrect quote by @dikdikpronouncedxylophone .

[objectshowincorrectquotes]

Steve Cobs on Qu*ra: I caught my 13 year old son watching Total Drama Island. I sent him to a boarding school and revoked his bed privileges. My family thinks I’m insane. Am I bad parent???

[osc-incorrect-quotes]

Suitcase, to Cobs: I'm going to defeat you with the power of love and friendship - just kidding look at this gun I found.

[ii-incorrect-quotes]

*MePhone, the final 4, and all the remaining Invitational contestants driving*

Balloon: MePhone, are you wearing a blindfold?

MePhone: Nah, but with these cataracts I might as well be!

MePhone: ...what is that, a woodpecker?

*MePhone runs over Cobs*

[ajackofalltrades]

Steve Cobs: YOU HAVE THREE DOLLARS

Steve Cobs: THREE DOLLARS

Steve Cobs: So how many dollars would you have if I take one.

MePhone: ...

MePhone: 26

Steve Cobs: *bangs head on a wall madly*

Im convinced that this is how MePhone learned Math.

[lucievherondale]

jace: have i ever told you that you cook well?

isabelle: aw, no you haven't!

jace: so why do you keep cooking

[moon-spirit-yue]

Based on a conversation I literally just had with my mom:

Namaari, trying to have a sense of humor: what has ears but doesn’t listen

Raya, with no hesitation: me

[starlight-in-my-eyes]

Jocelyn: I have to cut all ties from the Shadow World, I can not tell anything about it to my daughter and keep no profile downworlders and shadowhunters

Also Jocelyn: Let me paint Idris and sell the painting