#infertile

[sad-cinnamongirl]

friendly reminder that infertile/sterile women still have hormonal cycles!

[tradgirlmom]

Save the babies for other women who desperately want to be a parent but haven't been able to. ༺♥︎༻

[qbdatabase]

Miss Jane by Brad Watson Inspired by the true story of his own great-aunt, Watson explores the life of Miss Jane Chisolm, born in rural, early-twentieth-century Mississippi with a genital birth defect that would stand in the way of the central “uses” for a woman in that time and place—namely, sex and marriage. From the country doctor who adopts Jane to the hard tactile labor of farm life, from the highly erotic world of nature around her to the boy who loved but was forced to leave her, the world of Miss Jane Chisolm is anything but barren. Free to satisfy only herself, she mesmerizes those around her, exerting an unearthly fascination that lives beyond her still.

[balancedtranslocationdiaries]

Getting through IVF failure

Date night: After the anxiety and cortisol of the two-week wait dwindles, I usually fall into a depression coma. I think it's really important to prioritise your relationship with each other during this time and make a deliberate effort to go on a date day/night. Leaving the house and being affectionate may feel like the LAST thing you want to do, but trust me, it helps. We went out to an Italian restaurant we had wanted to try for a while and purposely went to the cinema to see a movie afterwards instead of retreating back to the couch and rotating Netflix catalogue.

Get off social media: social media is the best and worst remedy for infertility related anxiety and depression. The night we went to the movies for date night I quickly glanced at Instagram prior to the movie starting and was caught off guard by a friends pregnancy announcement of her SECOND baby in 12 MONTHS! I sat there fuming. "That's it! I'm going offline.. better yet.. I'm going off grid! NO PREGNANCY ANNOUNCEMENTS IF I'M LIVING IN A CAVE?!

Once I had grounded myself again (thanks to Chris Hemsworth and chocolate) I remembered the amazing support networks I've gained through social media, and the way it has countered so much of the loneliness I've felt lately. Instead of quitting altogether, I made the decision to limit myself moving forward. For me this meant avoiding my IVF Instagram page for a few weeks, muting all accounts with babies and pregnancy related content and limiting social media use altogether. I turned to 'healthier' alternatives such as phone free netflix binges, journaling, reading, walking with a podcast on etc.

Puzzles: when you only feel capable of dwelling on what could have been, doing a puzzle gives your mind something else to focus on. With each puzzle piece there is a sense of accomplishment and while IVF doesn't promise any end goal for your effort, puzzles do. My routine in the early days of grief involved working on a puzzle while watching Stranger things. No time for ruminating when your hands and mind are busy.

Catch up with friends who don't have kids and aren't on that wavelength: when you're early 30s and onwards it can be hard to find friends who aren't pregnant, aren't parents or aren't trying to conceive. I still have a few friends who fit this category so I make an effort to prioritise these friendships during IVF slumps. When I went for a walk with one of my best friends who is far from trying to have children, it was such a nice circuit breaker. We discussed work stress, upcoming holidays, dog training, her winery tour adventures .. literally everything but kids! We did briefly discuss the failed transfer (a girl needs to vent) but it wasn't the focus of the catch up. If you don't have friends that fit this category, I'd suggest establishing boundaries and communicating what you need prior to catching up. Maybe this is "Just a heads up I'm struggling at the moment and would like to avoid talking about IVF today" Or "I'm going to talk about the transfer for 5 minutes but stop me if I bring it up again because I know it's not useful for me to revisit it."

Boundaries: family members and friends mean well when they ask how you're feeling but personally, I seldom find this helpful. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the loss and despair being acknowledged, but having to repeatedly revisit the grief and discuss it can keep me feeling stuck. I usually say something along the lines of "thanks for checking in but talking about something else would be most helpful for me right now."

Home improvement: To get me through the most recent failure I decided to do something nice for myself (budget permitting of course!). I bought a new plant after the transfer, a reading chair and a some bits and pieces from KMART to make a reading space which has brought me so much joy. It doesn't have to be a project as big as this to bring a sense of accomplishment. It could be organising a cupboard under your sink or buying some new bathroom towels. They say change is as good as a holiday and I think they're on to something.

Enjoy forbidden pregnancy things and child free luxuries: take yourself to a bougee sushi restaurant, order yourself a cocktail and a charcuterie board, buy a morning coffee and maybe an afternoon coffee as well! I try and romanticize and feel grateful for the life I have right now. A life that is, in many ways, selfish and indulgent (hello reading for 2 hours at a time or getting 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep). Would I prefer to be a mother? One thousand times yes.

Do I choose to nurture and hold hope for the person in the waiting? Absolutely.

I hope this helps x

[strwberriehore]

I hope kels becomes the victim of a hate crime and gets raped to death when everyone finds out the truth you disgusting rat horse faced man go kill yourself

You know everyone thinks your body and face is horrific 🤮🤮🤮

I know you remember the party

You disgust men kels

You’ll always be an ugly infertile horse faced hermaphrodite

[sir-crocodile-slut]

Devs unpopular opinions:

Cw: pregnancy, infertility

Realizing you cannot have children is not the same feeling or sadness as someone who did not want kids gets pregnant.

One causes an irreversible disruption in your life, the other… well, you keep going without any change at all. I’m so tired of people claiming it’s a similar issue when it absolutely isn’t.

Not being able to have kids and losing your “dream” is not and never will be the same as having a baby when you never wanted one. Being sad over a dream that can’t happen is something that happens to everyone at some point. You don’t win the depression Olympics. Shut the fuck up.

[shu-sakamaki]

You, your wife, your kids, Subaru and your sister-in-law (Subaru's wife) were in the garden, your kids were playing, your wife asked your sister-in-law why she and Subaru don't have children, your sister-in-law cried she said she is infertile, your wife is trying to calm your sister-in-law, but your sister-in-law won't stop crying, reaction?

And this is why we don't just ask people why they don't have children

[*mumble*]

[*sigh*]

... Hey, if it makes you feel any better, my kids love you two as if you were... Well, their second parents. I know it is not the same thing, but I'm glad for having you two around to always help us with them. I don't think we would have done it without you...

[onepinkline]

I saw you in my dream today.

Normally you’re all your dad, brown hair that goes straight down your forehead. Hazel eyes dotted with his thick, dark lashes. Olive skin with pink cheeks and a mole just under your left eye.

I saw you in my dream. You had soft pale skin, golden curls stuck right to your head and big, blue eyes. In your high chair at your first birthday party, cake up to your elbows.

Sometimes I wish I could sleep and never wake up, just to spend time with you. I don’t know how you feel emotions in your dreams. I don’t know how you can still feel them when you wake up.

I love you so much, and you don’t even exist. My heart is physically full with how much joy having you brings me. How much it would bring me, if you existed outside of my dreams.

Some days I convince myself I don’t want you anymore. I’m happy with just your dad and I, I really am. But then I have these dreams and it reminds me how I have already made a home in my heart for you.

I’ll always have a space that is owned by you. Even if you never come. It’ll be yours, empty until I die.

[sad-cinnamongirl]

infertile cis women and trans people have been relating to each other and working alongside each other for decades, to deal with unnecessarily gendered language around periods and fertility and a variety of other issues we face together, your disinterest in solidarity is not representative of anyone except yourself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ok well no offense i dont relate to you guys and im not a sensitive долбоеб like the rest of you so i dont get offended over the word women

[klinekunt]

I don’t like to post about politics anymore but I can’t keep my mouth shut about this. As a female with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and a husband that is all but infertile as well, I have to open my mouth about the possible over turning of Roe and Casey. We’ve been told IVF is the only way I will ever be able to have a child grow in my uterus, something that I’ve been told is life changing and one of the most beautiful things woman in my life have experienced. Pro-lifers (Anti abortionists) believe life starts at conception. During the IVF process doctors try to fertilize as many eggs as possible because, in most cases, more than half of the eggs can have Down syndrome or possible life threatening symptoms that will result in a late term miscarriage. This results in doctors discarding of those said embryos. On top of that doctors like to implant more than one healthy embryo because there are people like me, with PCOS, and others who have things like endometriosis. Our bodies like to fight off the embryo so implanting more than one fertilized embryo increases our chances of at least one sticking. In some cases they all stick. That means that woman can be carrying up to eight fertilized embryos to term, resulting in life threatening complications for both mom and baby (babies). There is no specific verbiage to protect people in these situations. Because the people who are trying to over turn theses laws believe that life starts at conception, they believe these fertilized embryos to be tiny humans in a Petrit Dish. Both doctors and patients (who spend upwards of $20,000 for ONE IVF cycle) are both now at risk of prosecution. If it is over turned there is fear that law makers will specifically target Fertility Clinics and people who just want to start a family but can’t do it naturally. 2 in every 100 pregnancies are due to IVF. That’s a lot. The uncertainty of the fertility future scares me and it should scare you too. Most people know someone who can’t naturally conceive, we just don’t like to scream it from the roof tops. I know in my case it makes me feel un-womanly that I can’t even perform one of the basic biological rights I have as a woman. It sucks that the one thing my husband and I want more than anything, I can’t do without medical intervention. I was raised in a Catholic Church and don’t agree with abortion being used as a form of birth control. But at the same time I don’t agree with law makers laying claim to my body. As someone who struggles EVERY day with the symptoms of PCOS I feel personally attacked. PCOS puts me at an extremely higher risk for cervical cancer and I’ve been told (at 25 years old) that I will need a hysterectomy by no later that 40 so I’m literally running out of time, IVF can sometimes take years and in the worst cases it doesn’t work at all. This law has more to do with abortion. It has more to do than your personal beliefs. My only chance of being able to carry a miracle child is being threatened and at the end of the day that’s what I care about most. If you’ve made it this far please feel free to share this post. This is important and more people need to talk about it. Having honest non hostile conversations is never anything but a positive thing. I know I won’t ever be able to change some peoples views or beliefs but this is about more than just abortion.

[unsignedbooks]

Hoofdstuk 3: Vergadering

Gender Deel 5 main hfstk 2 hfstk 4 In de vergaderzaal van het Caitlyn Jenner Instituut zit dokter Feidhelm met sols team van dokters klaar voor een vergadering over de toekomst van de jeugd en het op de wereld zetten van baby’s. Er zijn ernstige zorgen over de huidige staat van het onderwijs en het bijbrengen van bepaalde biologische aspecten van het menselijk lichaam. “Een genderneutrale…

[balancedtranslocationdiaries]

23.06.22

It has been quite a while since I made a post on here. I’ve been wanting to for a few weeks but kept getting overwhelmed by how much has happened and where to begin. 

For this reason I’ve decided to share in dot point form

03.06.21 We began Cycle 3 of IVF at our new clinic. I felt confident going into this one as the new specialist was the right fit for us in both her expertise and patient manner. I also felt that we had a chance of getting more viable embryos because we had one in round 2. 8 eggs were collected, 4 top quality embryos were made and we waited for our PGD results.

26.06.21 we did a 7 hour round trip to pick up our puppy Kevin

02.07.21 I arranged for the result to be communicated to my partner as I was on placement and didn’t want to burst into tears if we got bad news. He got the call and despite me calling and texting him throughout the day, he would not give me any information. That was information enough.

When I called after placement he told me that none of the embryos were chromosomally normal. I cried the whole 1 hour car drive home.

-Our specialist was shocked. We were absolutely devastated.

-I had just started my Alcohol and Other Drugs 2 month placement on top of a team leader secondment in my current job and committed to the sleep, toilet and general training a puppy requires

I threw myself into work and puppy training, meaning I neglected any  processing, self-care or healing from the trauma we’d just experienced.

06.08.21 I celebrated my 29th birthday at placement and in another Melbourne lockdown meaning I couldn’t distract myself with friends or social commitments. 

-A few days after my birthday I had a really bad headache and neck pain

-After a week of doctor appointments, a CT scan and a hospital day admission I was diagnosed with Shingles behind my ear and spreading up my scalp. A migraine accompanied this 

-Mid August I put placement on hold and applied for a new job which I was successful in getting

30.08.21 I started my new job and a week later had a bit of a scare when I got another migraine and lost my ability to speak temporarily. An ambulance was called by my partner and I was diagnosed with “atypical migraine” and discharged. Continual migraines with similar vagueness, pain and aura followed me until February 2022 (shingles and stress were suggested as the main culprit).

15.11.21 had an appointment with an “Uterus Didelphys” specialist who asked me if we’d considered “being childless.” I cried on my way to the car, in the car and when I got home

24.11.21 we moved into our dream house and decided we definitely wouldn’t be doing any more rounds of IVF until 2022. 

January 22 Had an epiphany that if we want what is best for our kids as parents, how could I put our kids through inheriting my chromosome issues. Despite my partner being willing to continue with my eggs, I decided that using an egg donor would be our next step forward. He came around to the idea and I asked a friend who had offered her eggs previously if she was still interested and she said yes.

IVF was closed down in Melbourne due to pressure on hospitals and it being an ‘elective’ surgery *eye roll

11.03.22 Accounts session to discuss the costs associated with a donor cycle

16.03.22 First mandatory IVF donor counselling session 

22.03.22 Joined telehealth consultation with a nurse and our donor to discuss the process

30.03.22 Second joined mandatory counselling session with myself, my partner, our donor and her partner to determine we were all on the same page and raise any questions or concerns

31.03.22 My partner was diagnosed as having an ‘active case’ of CMV which is dangerous in pregnancy. Our IVF specialist told us she had never seen this happen before! Alas, IVF Cycle 4 postponed for 6 weeks until virus cleared from both of us (it was assumed I would contract it from him).

11.05.22 Found out through repeated blood tests that my partner never had CMV (false positive on the test) and our cycle was postponed for no reason. Given the all clear to go ahead at the start of our donor’s next period.

21.05.22 Our 4th Cycle of IVF begins and all precautions are taken to avoid covid-19 postponing our cycle again

03.06.22 Eggs are collected from our donor and fertilised. A few days later we find out that 7 eggs had fertilised and a few more days after that, 2 embryos had made it to the freezing stage. 

23.06.22 As I write this today I’m waiting for my period to start so our transfer cycle begins. We have 2 embryos, that is 2 chances of a pregnancy. Each transfer has a 50% chance of resulting in a positive pregnancy test. 

In a few weeks I’ll have a scan to check my uterus lining and have a blood test around my predicted ovulation date to time the transfer. I’m guessing it will be around July 18th but that will depend on if my period arrives soon.

My feelings towards transfer fluctuate. Some days I’m overly positive and some days I feel like it’s never going to work for us because it hasn’t yet. At this moment, I feel premenstrually grumpy and exhausted. I’ve eaten half a bag of salt and vinegar chips, have pimples galore on my chin and can’t wait to lie on the couch with my current read - Jasper Jones by Craig SIlvey. 

I want to make more of an effort to record my musings and appointments on here as it’s the only place I’ve been somewhat consistent over the past few years (a part from Instagram). I don’t care if tumblr has the reputation of an outdated teenage blog site. It’s the easiest one for my non coding brain to navigate.

Thanks for reading x

[strwberriehore]

Since you wanna be a prankster go say the pregnancy was a fucking prank

[tenth-sentence]

"The country is not fertile, is poorly stocked with game, and the whites have taken possession of all the main watercourses," reported The Queenslander.

"Killing for Country: A Family History" - David Marr

[lunar-poet-world]

Endless Winter

The way I want to feel a flower grow

I will never feel

The way I want to see a flower sprout

I will only be able to doubt

That I’ll ever be able to see that flower sprout.

[omg-erika]

Will having Children soon be over?

by Dr.Harald Wiesendanger– Klartext  What the mainstream media is hiding An influential “Think Tank” from the United Nations and the World Economic Forum calls for the birth rate worldwide to fall by around 80 percent by the year 2100. No problem: humanity is becoming infertile anyway. Soon, only the rich would be able to afford to reproduce. When the Club of Rome, an interdisciplinary group…