#inner panic
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Emily emo faze design, for @seramilla au.
With a bit of extra juice...




Why do I keep drawing, I'm on vacation... Eh, who cares. I love drawing, it calms me down. Now I'm extra calm.
#hazbin hotel#vivziepop#hazbin#fanart#art#carmilla carmine#hazbin au#alternative universe#alternative universe hazbin#seramilla#sera hazbin hotel#sera#emily hazbin hotel#emily#emo faze#emo#emo emily#mom sera#mama carmilla#inner panic#panic#angels#fallen angels#comic#family feels#silly#monologue
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It's such a unique name, I got curious. Well, the meaning doesn't reflect you, to be fair. You're not generous, and you're not...
Joong Archen as FADEL and Dunk Natachai as STYLE THE HEART KILLERS | EP. 2
#joong archen#dunk natachai#joongdunk#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#fadelstyle#lana.gifs#thk.gifs#yes i am aware this coloring is whatever and yes i can see how short the last two gifs are#my inner perfectionist is screaming somewhere inside me but i wanted this scene on my blog in its longest form possible#the whole gay panic process i mean#asianlgbtdrama#esmetracks#userrlaura#rinblr#raeblr#userbon#usersasa#uservix#useragatha#usermambo#userrzey#tuseryoo#tusermona#tusersilence#tuserjovana#tuservic#vishingwell
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@grubus taadaa? lol
Sooo ya know that little gif I posted? This whole thing stemmed from me letting things get too out of hand while drawing up the dream scene that was only going to be that tiny little image....I have no regrets.
Just in case here's the rant
WHAT THE FUCK! I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO KISS MY HUSBAND? WHAT A SHITTY DREAM! MENG MO COULD DO BETTER. WAIT, THE ORIGINAL NING YINGYING DIDN'T DREAM OF-OF THAT RIGHT? I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED. I THINK I WOULD REMEMBER? FUCK. IT'S BEEN SO MANY YEARS. DID SHE? AM I GASLIGHTING MYSELF? DOES THIS COUNT AS GASLIGHTING? REGARDLESS, WHY THE FUCK WOULD MENG MO SHOW ME THAT? WAS IT BECAUSE I WAS PUT IN A WIFE PLOT? SO HE JUST...JUST AUTOMATICALLY DID THAT? LIKE A GLITCH IN THE SYSTEM OR SOMETHING? OMG! WAIT! DID BINGHE SEE THE WEDDING? FUCK! WAS THAT HIM THERE AND NOT JUST SOME FAKE? FUCK! WAIT! NO. HE WOULD STILL BE TALKING TO MENG MO... RIGHT? BESIDES, I’M A GUY! SO BINGHE WOULD NEVER WANT TO-TO...SYSTEM! DID BINGHE SEE THAT? WAS THAT HIM? SYSTEM! WHAT THE FUCK! WILL I BE PUT IN FUTURE WIFE PLOTS JUST BECAUSE I'M BINGHE'S BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD...
#svsss#scumbag self saving system#syonr#syonr spoilers#shen yuan of no relation#luo binghe#shen yuan#my art#all the gay panic#is it still considered gay to dream about marrying your bff if you say no homo after waking up?#full artistic liberties with the inner rant#truly looking forward to see if/how sy will rationalize how wanting to kiss his best friend is totally not gay#blame Meng Mo?#but also like#Meng Mo for the win?#also#took a lot of inspiration for the wedding robs from the illustration in the English novel#they're just so pretty#well off to do what I had originally planned to make before reading chapter 40 lol#no regerts
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inner child
#world of warcraft#anduin wrynn#the war within#struggling to explain what im trying to capture here#I think for the longest time I believed adulthood hit when the child you was no more#so until recently i refused to accept that my childhood had ended#But the truth is that child-you kinda just hands adult-you the wheel of the car but they're still there and messing with the radio#anyway I imagine Anduin's inner child self and what his opinion is of everything that has happened#AdultAnduin believing his childself would hate him but he actually looks up to him with some sortve concerned awe#also the background looks like what i see when i close my eyes and i think represents in one's headspace pretty well#i think i used something similiar in an ealier piece of him panicing and#it just works so well when covering mental stuff
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Right so what if Danny became a psychologist instead of Jazz?
His friends and family died protecting him. So when he runs away and starts a new life, he adopts traits from all of them (both as a way of grieving and a way to honor them). For Tucker and Sam, Danny splits his free time between being a white hat hacker and a vocal environmental activist. For his parents, he adopts more of their eccentric personality. When he's not in a professional setting, he is loud and in your face about the latest thing he's been working on (he's also just about the most loyal person you can meet).
And for Jazz, his precious big sister, Danny decides to excel in the career path she never got the chance to enter. He resolves to fulfill her goal of helping out those society has deemed irredeemable. The ones nobody else can or wants to help. The first one he starts with, is the Joker.
#dp x dc#dc x dp#dpxdc#dcxdp#winter's tales#twisting yourself into a hodge podge of your loved ones personalities and aspirations isn't healthy#in caee i needed to point that out#but danny was in a bad mental state for a while and needed to start a new life anyway so....#he's more well adjusted now but still#i'ma be honest i just kinda wanted danny channeling his inner jazz#as he systematically breaks down the joker's arguments and persona#without ever breaking eye contact#this is the result of that one scene running away from me#just like these tags#but oh well we press on#because i also want to explain#how effing hilarious it is to think about the batfam getting word about a new employee at arkham#which already has them in panic mode#and then they find out he's working with joker!?#double panic#then they talk with him and he sounds like he has a whole box of screws loose with the way he rambles on#alright everybody prepare for a new rogue to hit the streets soon!#until they get their hands on the first session danny had with joker#and he's clearly not the same guy they talked to weeks ago#his personality is just way too different#what the hell is going on?
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Everyone should go and watch a transgender & queer film by Alice Maio Mackay. Any of her last three. You'll thank me later
#t blockers and satranic panic have such a heart to them#queer films by queer filmmakers just have an authenticity to them that i love because they come from lived experience#go fish#tongues untied#i saw the tv glow#to name a few#but anyway mackay's films just left me with this sense of inner strength and i think more people should watch her amazing low budget films#queer cinema#trans cinema#lgbt cinema#trans filmmaker
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I’m done being sad, everyone. Now I’m back to being mysterious and hot.
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The very well tipped runner returns with a box. Affixed to the outside of the box is a report by one of Leliana's agents detailing the Grey Wardens' involvement in the murder of Divine Justinia V. Inside the box is little more than ash, although one small fragment of very old paper remains partially legible. Although it’s almost impossible to tell, it appears to be a portion of a proclamation from the Glory Age regarding the Grey Wardens' neutrality with respect to the Chantry.
The runner has a final instruction: a shrug, which they execute without quite the same level of 'smug satisfaction' as was instructed.
There was something almost endearing in how the old proclamation was returned to her in a smoldering ruin. More answer than one, it seemed to her. But that hardly meant this squabble was over.
Though she tipped the runner for all their combined fuss, Nanna didn't bother with them this time. In his next absence, the rotunda would just be visited by a not at all shapeshifted bird that would leave the box right where it began, clattering lightly on his desk.
Inside the box the ashes of his first response remained, but now joined with the lightly smoldering remnants of the old Storm Age charter on tattoos, almost as if to say if one, then the other. The paper tied to the outside of the box was not another quote of history, but instead a simple handwritten note in a dainty, flowing script and underlined several times: mind control does not count.
@hoboblaidd.
#hoboblaidd#unbelievable.#laughing and how now nanna and solas would be added in those compilations of all the inner circle giving the runners panic attacks#from all the messages they have to give each other
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I'd love to go back to little fifth grade me who just got a second hand i pod touch for christmas with a bootleg green day greatest hits album someone just made on it and tell her that not only was that stupid thing going to change your life forever, it will be the entry drug to some frankly batshit music taste progressions. I want to tell her that yes, one day this will get you into music that's just guys screaming incomprehensibly over loud guitar rifts and you will actually like it.
#bark bark bark#i still have that i pod somewhere it probably wouldn't even start up if i plugged it in and if it did i wouldn't be able to unlock it#perhaps the more shocking thing would be where listening to my first panic at the disco album would take me over the next ten years lol#idk it's weird but i think i would enjoy being able to go back and talk to my past self maybe it would have made things better for her#forget about healing your inner child i want to show her that no matter what we end up being a fat dyke and are pretty happy with that fact
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Choose.
And more choice.
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Sometimes I think crappy shit like
if I was a shelter dog, would they just put me down because it’d be too much work to rehabilitate me?
But then I remind myself that I’m my own rescue and this is a no-kill shelter
#Had some frustrating updates about health stuff#aka things are slightly improving but way slower than I had hoped#and it’s been a big sad agitation day/week/months#my health panic was v triggered today lmao- but#Slow progress is progress too#trying to remember that even though recovery often feels like forever#this is not really going to last forever#and one day I will suddenly realise that things have been less hard#until then#I shall keep taking my inner runt of a shelter dog for walks and giving it food and treats#and even when it can’t do anything but shiver at the back of the cage in fear#I’ll tell it’s a good pup and doing well#x
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*fixes binder* My chest is flatter now but not as much as I was hoping... *takes it off*
*gags in gender dysphoria*
#My brain:#panic attack#genderqueer#gender dysphoria#trans boy#transgender#trans community#trans man#transmasc#nonbinary#transblr#genderfluid#gender dysmorphia#gender fuckery#queer#lgbtq+#fuck this shit im out#*jumps into the inner world*
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I’m picking up way more Norwegian than i expected watching Skam. I fully expected that I’d watch the entire series once through understanding practically nothing of the audio and then in subsequent rewatches after having really picked up my studies (I’m at zero studies rn) start picking up words and phrases.
I’ve already got the days of the week, quite a few personal pronouns, several variations of hello and goodbye, some numbers, variations of yes and no, please and thank you, sorry, and a few short phrases (it’s all right, are you ok. Are you sure- that kind of thing) that I can understand while having looked away from the screen and missed the subtitle, and I’m only in episode 7.
#I do understand that Norwegian is super complex and any beginners luck I’m having here is temporary#but I’m also encouraged that I’m starting to pick up basics#and if after some deep study I went and just thrown-off-the-deep-end immersed myself I’d probably not die#and like I KNOW the majority of Norwegians speak english way better than I’ll ever speak Norwegian#and in daily interactions I wouldn’t HAVE to be fluent#but if I ever traveled there/lived there I’d want to understand enough to watch tv and understand the news and just be normal there#also I think if I ever did move there I would tell all my friends to force me to speak Norwegian 100% with them#because that’s how I got fluent in Spanish#I was CONVERSATIONAL and probably a B1 before I went to Guatemala#my friend (english but living in Guatemala) took our other english speaking friend with her one day#and looked at me and was like ‘you speak enough Spanish you will be fine’ and sent me off with her friends who knew not one word of english#the ‘speak or die’ panic immersion after the first 12 hours had me LITERALLY forgetting words in english already#I was SO TERRIFIED at the start of the day like buddy I don’t speak THAT much Spanish to abandon me to the wolves#but being FORCED to do it reprogrammed my brain so drastically that I was scoring a C2 by the time I got home#it was that first 12 hours of complete immersion that made something in my brain just switch off english#my inner voice itself swapped to Spanish#something about my subconscious realizing ‘english will not help you here—don’t worry I’ll delete it for extra space’#so for the rest of the trip I never spoke another word of English and was confidently chatting and bartering with the sales people#and any word I didn’t know I just described in Spanish like my brain didn’t even provide me with the english word#and as soon as the person I was talking to told me the right word for what I was describing#that word encoded instantly#it was an amazing bypass of having to translate in and out of English#I could have probably spent two months there fumbling around and not learned much without that day-2-of-the-trip 12 hours of immersion
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I’ve been at my new job for almost 6 months. No one has yelled at me and now I’m getting a promotion and raise... girl what?!
#like at my last job my boss made me feel like I was an idiot. like I had so many panic attacks I felt like a failure!#like my inner monologue is always telling me I’m lazy and stupid and a failure so this is shocking
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#academia aesthetic#studyblr#why am i like this#burnout culture#chasing dreams not deadlines#the grind is real but so is the breakdown#romanticizing productivity#wake up work cry repeat#motivation who?#i do it for the future me#this degree better be worth it#money can’t buy happiness but it pays the bills#praise me like a cat bringing a dead bird#validation is my love language#fear is a powerful motivator#fight or flight but make it academic#passion projects and panic attacks#to learn is to live (but make it stressful)#long term dream short term despair#coffee and cortisol#goals goals goals (but also naps)#the hustle haunts me#productivity guilt is real#aesthetic notes won’t save me now#study hard cry harder#ambition is a curse and a blessing#trying to make my inner child proud#this is for 10 year old me with big dreams#i study therefore i panic#existential crisis with a side of homework
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ugh it’s the…
bleeding out while being demanded you perform for an audience, and not just perform, but perform things they can condemn you for, while the people who injured you get a pass, is extremely on point for my experiences both as a girl child and an autistic one.
#sunny blathers#SUNNY DOESNT CARE IF SHE HAS TRASH TASTE IN MUSIC#music#time to dance#panic! at the disco#Sunny is still trying to wrestle the matches away from her inner child
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