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grandmascokebag · 4 months

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The Fushiguro's And Their Totally Super Platonic Dates

chapter 2

Megumi absentmindedly spritzed his $700 Dior cologne as he watched his reflection in the mirror. He noticed an abandoned Axe deodorant bottle in the back corner of the cabinet, remembering how he briefly started to use it in middle school before Gojo bought him expensive cologne and threatened to kick him out should he use it again.

God what a freak.

Megumi sighed as he remembered his date (it was not a date) with the new student, Yuji Itadori, after school. He might be cute, but he was also an idiot. As proof, Megumi’s new bracelet glinted in the bathroom lighting. He still remembered how excitedly Yuji shoved the gift in his hand, revealing a simple beaded bracelet saying “it’s OK to be sad” with a bunch of frowny faces. In the face of the pink-haired boy’s enthusiasm, all Megumi could do was smile and take it with an unenthusiastic thank you.

“How come every time you come around my London London bridge wanna go down -“

Gojo’s music drifted obnoxiously through the cracked door as he listened to his (stupid) playlist (link)

“Oh Megumiiiii” his utter buffoon of a guardian called. “Brekkie is ready! I made your favorite, blueberry pancakes with a smiley face since you’re sooooo saddddddd”

Megumi looked into the mirror, determinedly ignoring the crazed shouting. “One of these days,” he tells himself, before trailing off.

He reluctantly goes downstairs to see Tsumiki already sitting at the table, eyes glued to her phone. This isn’t too abnormal of an occurrence, but when she fails to greet her little brother, Megumi knows something is up.

“Who are you texting?”

“No one!” Tsumiki says too loudly, quickly turning off her phone and putting it down.

“Oooooooh who are you texting? A sordid affair, perhaps?” Gojo takes off his self-bought pink apron with the words “World’s Best Dad”.

“MEGUMI IS MEETING A CUTE BOY AFTER SCHOOL TODAY.” Tsumiki shouts to escape the attention.

“What the fuck-“

“MY SWEET PRECIOUS BOY IS BEING STOLEN AND IMPURIFIED? NONE OF THOSE LITTLE RATS ARE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOUR HEART, MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD. Except maybe that new kid; he’s chill, besides the trauma-dumping.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID WHORE. NO ONE LIKES YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND BROKE UP WITH YOU AND YOUR HAIRCUT LOOKS LIKE JUSTIN BIEBER’S” Megumi screams, throwing a chair.

There’s a pregnant pause before Gojo slowly reaches over and rearranges the pancakes to resemble a frown.

“Well that's my cue to get going!” Tsumiki cheerfully side-steps the elephant in the room as she skips outside, pausing at the door. “Wanna come with, Megumi?” she asks, clearly taking pity on the boy.

“God yes,” he mutters and quickly follows, ignoring his guardian’s attempt at puppy-dog eyes.

“You know, you should really be nicer to Gojo,” Tsumiki admonishes as they buckle up. “He did raise us.”

“Badly,” Megumi mutters back. “Do you remember that time I almost asphyxiated because he didn’t believe I had peanut allergies because that ‘doesn’t run in the family genes’. Tsumiki, we’re adopted.”

Her answering giggle sounds like chimes. “Well, it was a little funny.”

“I almost died.”

“You were fine! You’re such a spoilsport sometimes, Megumi.”

“Whatever.” Megumi leans back in his seat, giving his sister the silent treatment as they drive to school before he remembers the original topic of discussion. “So, who were you texting this morning?”

“It’s seriously no one,” she says but Tsumiki’s light blush is answer enough. “He and I are just… friends.”

“He?” Megumi’s focus narrows onto the word. “I thought you were gay?”

“What? I’m bi but why did you think that?”

“Probably because there’s not a single straight person in this town that I know of.”

“What? That can’t be true; there’s…. Oh never mind I guess you’re right. Well anyways, he’s cute but doesn’t see me that way.” Tsumiki frowns, gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly.

Megumi reigns in his quickly igniting anger when seeing his sister dejected, but just barely. “Why do you say that?”

“Well, he buys me flowers and holds my hand and walks me to class and gives me his jackets and ties my shoelaces when they come undone and holds my books but he hasn’t explicitly asked me out on a date.”

“Are you serious? He clearly seems to like you, not to mention you’re literally perfect. Don’t put yourself down over some man!”

“Don’t you like men?”

“That’s besides the point. You should ask him out. If he breaks your heart, I’ll beat him up.”

Tsumiki laughs, a weight lifted off her shoulders. “Don’t do that,” she lightly admonishes, though her lips twitch in a smile. “You’re right. I’ll ask him out later today. Thanks, Megs.”

“Ugh just don’t tell Gojo I gave you good advice instead of sabotaging your relationship.”

The car slows as they pull into school.

“Promise.” Tsumiki winks, linking their pinky fingers. “And I also won’t tell him any more about Yuji, though you should take your own advice.”

“Shut up!” Megumi quickly leaves the car and his annoying but loveable sister behind.

——————————————————————-

AFTER SCHOOL

“Yo!” Yuji calls as he jogs over, his pink hair perfectly tousled and his brown eyes bright and stop THINKING STUFF LIKE THAT OH MY FUCKING GOD.

“Hey,” Megumi responds perfectly neutrally. “So where are we heading?”

“Don’t worry! I know just the place!”

Megumi feels his cheeks heat, wondering just how much Yuji has planned ahead, just how much Yuji has thought about him.

Not a lot, Megumi realizes as he walks inside a motherfucking Chuck E. Cheese.

“Man, I’ve missed this place,” Yuji sighs, looking around with nostalgia. “I haven’t been here since my grandpa died.”

Megumi softens despite his best efforts. “It reminds me of Disneyland.”

Yuji laughs brightly, grabbing Megumi’s hand to lead him to their table. “Haha really? When did you go there?”

Megumi freezes before quickly shaking himself out of his stupor. “When I was a young naïve little boy who still trusted his father. We went together to visit the happiest place on Earth, but it soon became the saddest place on my Earth…”

-------------------------------------------------------------------

FLASHBACK

It was a bright and sunny morning the day little Megumi’s world came crashing down. His father, with the ugliest rat dog sitting on his broad shoulders, held his hand as Megumi ate his ice cream cone.

“If you drop that, I’m not stealing another one,” his poor as shit father scolded the child who didn’t listen.

Tsumiki, meanwhile, couldn’t keep her eyes off of the crusty dog on her father’s shoulder. She finally pried them away, forcing herself to enjoy the day to the fullest, before she heard a gravelly whisper behind her.

“Your skin smells tasty”

Tsumiki whipped her head around. “Did you say something, Dad?”

“What? No. Are you stupid?”

“I guess I must have imagined it…” Tsumiki turned forward once again, but felt a stare prickle the back of her neck. She quickly split off from her family. “I’m just going to go to the restroom quick!”

Her father absentmindedly nodded while the dog on his shoulder shook and foamed at the mouth, its beady eyes following her.

Megumi, meanwhile, stared fixedly at a couple having a noisy argument in the distance.

“I don’t care if the mice make your fucking clothes; I don’t want them in the house.” The tattooed pink-haired man gestured wildly.

The blonde woman slapped his hand away. “I’m surprised you even noticed the mice considering your never at the house, but rather drinking and fucking those WHORES-”

As Megumi’s nosy ass leaned forward to listen better, his ice cream scoop peeled away from its cone and fell onto the street.

“Motherfucker.”

“Hey, who taught you to swear like that?” His father frowned at him. “Fucking Christ, did you seriousy drop your ice cream?”

Megumi recognized the annoyed tone his father adopted and quickly scrunched his face up like he was going to cry.

“Ah shit, don’t cry, people will judge me for being a shit father. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” Tojir looked around wildly for something to appease his (not really) upset son. “Here! Look at those pretty princesses!”

Megumi glanced over, his bout of fake tears quickly forgotten. “I kind of prefer the princes.”

Everything stopped.

Both his father and the dog turned mechanically to face the young boy.

“Are you a fucking fa-”

“Is the dog seriously talking right now?” Megumi interrupted, frightened by the turn of events and the intelligent gleam in the dog’s beady, homophobic eyes.

“No, of course the dog did not fucking talk,” his dad lied. “But more importantly, are you… one of those?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You know what… I gotta go… make a phone call.” His dad took an awkward step back. “Can I see that napkin real quick?”

Puzzled, Megumi handed the tissue over while his father uncapped a black marker and scribbled something on it.

“OK kid, just wait here… I’ll be right back.” As Megumi gazed upon his father’s retreating back (for the last time, though he did not know that), the scraggly dog turned to look him in the eye.

It laughed, an awful squeaking noise that would haunt Megumi through his nightmares. He was shocked out of his pondering when a hand tapped his shoulder.

Tsumiki frowned at him. “Uhhhhh where did Dad go?”

“I don’t know, but he left me this napkin that I can’t read ‘cause I’m only 5.”

Tsumiki grabbed it and read aloud, despite the many spelling errors:

Yo Gojo if ur reeding this, I have abandoniene left my cids in ur qare. Take good qare of them! Or dont, I dont really qare, jyst dont kontact me again. Byyyyyyyyyyyyyy

-Toji and Lucy

There was a little paw print next to the message, though Megumi thought it seemed more like a threat than a goodbye.

Tsumiki’s eyebrows creased. “Why is the dog’s name signed? Actually, more importantly, who the fuck is Gojo?”

Suddenly, they heard a commotion in the distance and spotted an unreasonably tall man with sunglasses talking with the police.

“No, I already told you, I’m not trying to kidnap them; the dad left them with me for a super secret mission.”

“Sir, please calm down.”

“Unhand me, you pig!”

A brief scuffle came about, ending when the tall man was tazed by the officer. He shook sporadically, before his eyes met the two childrens’.

“Oh shit! Oh shit! Found them! Let me just get out of your hair.” The man jerked suddenly in what might have been a forceful handshake, before stumbling over to Megumi and his sister, crouching down obnoxiously.

“Hey little crotch goblins. I’m Gojo, but you can just call me papa.” The white-haired man shot them an award-winning smile.

What a creep, both kids thought, rearing back their fists.

In a true display of teamwork, Tsumiki’s fist cracked his nose while Megumi kicked his crotch.

The man fell back with a pathetic high-pitched scream of pain. “Damn, you guys really are Toji’s kids.”

END FLASHBACK

“And that's how Gojo adopted me and my sister.”

“Wow that’s… really sweet,” Yuji lied. “Wait, how did your dad even know Gojo?”

“Well, I asked Gojo once and he said…”

ANOTHER FUCKING FLASHBACK

One dreary night, as rain pattered the rooftops and froze the hearts of young couples, two men walked into a bustling bar.

The white-haired man, obviously tipsy, stared at the other. “You know, my ex also had dark hair. God, what a bitch.”

“Oh really?” Toji hummed noncommittedly, not really listening.

“No,” Gojo tearfully said. “Imagine God made a perfect angel and that angel happened to have dark hair and a weird kink for cults… That was my ex.”

Toji perked up at the mention of religion. “Man, I love God. I’ll drink to that.”

They clinked shot glasses and downed their respective liquors.

“Wait,” Gojo paused. “Isn’t alcohol a sin?”

“It’s only a sin if you get drunk,” slurred the clearly drunk man.

Gojo shrugged the comment off, not willing to waste his limited brainpower on the thought. “Hate the sin, love the sinner, I guess.”

“EXACTLY.” the older man clapped him hard on the shoulder. “You get it.”

“Sure, sure. It’s like the age-old question, y’know,” Gojo almost fell off the stool as he leaned back. “Gay son or thot daughter?”

Toji swiftly downed another drink. “I would sooner leave my stupid children in the hands of some stranger like you than deal with that fiasco.”

He shuddered with disgust but Gojo only laughed loudly. “Only if you buy the next round!”

Toji glanced up consideringly. “Shake on it?”

Gojo, clearly drunk and thinking this was a joke, shook hands all too eagerly.

Toji waved the bartender for another round. “I have this kid back at home, and I don’t even vibe with it for real. It’s so weird and gross and tiny. Like ew.”

Gojo morosely fidgeted with his empty glass. “My ex-boyfriend broke up with me to play soccer at another school. I mean, who does that? And right before nationals? Hella lame.”

“OK, you don’t need to rub your gayness all over the place. Like, tone it down. Anyways, I’m gonna ignore the fact that you’re a sinner ‘cause I really like you, kid.”

“Thanks, I guess.” The two men exchanged numbers before Gojo left to find a rebound (he didn’t) (he tried flirting and started crying) (it was pathetic) (he got kicked out of the bar).

END FLASHBACK

Megumi was interrupted from his visceral flaming of his guardian by the Chuck E. Cheese rat arriving with the pizza.

“Oh, thank you.” Megumi tried to grab the food but the mascot held firm.

“Your skin smells so tasty.”

“What?”

The rat cleared its throat, though it didn’t do much to help its raspy yet squeaky voice that somewhat reminded Megumi of Mechamaru’s stupid bitch ass whiny voice. “Your pizza smells so tasty.” It quickly left, but not before Megumi heard what seemed like strangely familiar growling.

“Yuji, did you hear that?”

“What? I was distracted by the pretty balloons.” Yuji pointed wistfully to a kid’s cheap birthday party in the corner. “You were saying something about Gojo?” He turned his pretty brown eyes back to Megumi and oh GOD FOCUS FOCUS.

“Yes… him. Well, even though he’s an annoying, irresponsible, pathetic loser who has almost killed me out of negligence multiple times, he wasn’t the worst. I guess. It was fun when he measured us against the wall growing up, or when we would watch horror movies that I totally wasn’t scared of even though they were rated R and definitely not meant for the sensitive eyes of children but, of course, sweet little Tsumiki never had a problem ‘cause she’s just sooooo perfect.” He paused. “Don’t tell him I said that.”

Yuji nodded along sympathetically. “I felt like I was in a horror movie when I saw my grandpa’s dead body,”

“Yeah anyway,” Megumi ignored his traumadumping with practiced ease. “I wonder what Tsumiki is doing now.”

MEANWHILE

Tsumiki sat with her notes spread out like a fan around her on the grass. As she read aloud her bundle of notecards, the man laying on her lap twisted daisies into a flower crown.

She scrunched her nose in annoyance as she got another one wrong. “Ugh this is so stupid. I’m totally going to fail Professor Geto’s quiz, and he won’t give me any extra credit ‘cause he doesn’t like me because Gojo has to ruin everything!”

“What, no,” the boy sat up to face her properly. “Miki, you’re literally the smartest person I know. If anyone is going to ace this test, it will be you.”

Tsumiki smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes as she looked away, clearly not believing him.

He gently brushed his finger against her chin, forcing her to look at him. With her full attention, he placed the flower crown on her head as her cheeks flushed a pretty pink.

“You’re perfect,” he breathed out, before realizing what he said as his cheeks burned a vibrant red. “I mean you’re- you’re obviously- I mean-”

Tsumiki’s answering smile was real this time, and all the sweeter for it, as she pulled his beanie down all the way and pushed his face back admonishingly.

“Yeah,” he said in a strangled and totally masculine voice. “The notes. We should get back to your notes. Haha. Totally.”

He made to lean back, to give her some more space because is it getting hot in here? Or is that just her? Oh shit it’s probably my beanie. He quickly pulled it off.

“Wait,” Tsumiki’s hand grabbed his shoulder, halting his escape and oh god even her hand is pretty I am so fucked.

“Do you… Can we…” The girl trailed off, looking slightly unsure before firming her resolve. “Ino, would you like to go out sometime? Romantically, I mean. On a date.” She coughed, her cheeks burning a more vibrant red at the awkward phrasing.

“YES!” Ino yelled, before coughing and looking away. “I mean, yes. Totally. That would be totally chill.”

There was a pause before they locked eyes and started giggling, their sweet laughter signifying a beautiful start to a beautiful relationship.

Tsumiki’s eyes caught on his watch. “Oh shit, I need to go home soon! Gojo is making us watch a new episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey and he’ll totally freak if I’m gone.”

She smiled apologetically at Ino, but he had already packed up her things and started walking.

“Oh, I can carry-”

“Nope!” He smiled cheekily at her. “New boyfriend gets to carry his partner’s stuff!” His brown eyes danced in the sunlight before they widened in panic. “I mean- unless you don’t want to put a label on it- which is chill! So chill! Totally chill. I was just-”

“Ino.” Tsumiki leaned back onto her car as she smiled fondly up at him, chest brimming with adoration. “You’re fine,” she said exasperatedly.

“Oh, I’m fineee, huh?” His cheeks dimpled into a brilliant smile as he placed a hand next to her on the car, which was so fucking sweaty that he immediately slipped and almost headbutted her.

She caught him effortlessly, holding him up by his shoulder, faces inches apart.

Ino smiled dazedly. “Wow, you’re really strong-”

“Can I kiss you?” She cut him off.

His eyes softened. “Of course.”

They both leaned in, Tsumiki’s hands migrating to his neck and tangling in his soft hair.

Long story short, Tsumiki was late and, even though Gojo obnoxiously yelled at her the entire night, she couldn’t keep the smile off her face.