#instead i get to sit in my dorm all alone having a fucking breakdown over all of this

[alxclaremont]

you really do realize how truly alone in the world you are in college lol

[katmoonz]

Depression

Pairing: Wolfstar x Fem!Reader

Word count: 3034

Includes: TW suicidal thoughts, depression, mentions of missing meals, crying, fluff, hugs, angst to fluff, comfort

Do not post any of my work anywhere else!!! I’m fine with reblogs but not with people stealing my work. 

Notes: I have depression, this fic is kinda based off of my experience with depression. I wanted more than anything for someone to notice how badly I was struggling and I was in desperate need of a hug. I can’t change the past but I can write down my thoughts, feelings and what I needed at the time.

Thank you @quindolyn for helping me to fix a couple bits and for helping me decide on the ending xx

Depression is completely unpredictable. You might feel on top of the world one minute and suddenly feel miserable the next. You smile around your friends and family hoping that they don’t notice that anything is wrong but deep down you just want someone to notice, to care, to ask you how you are or just hold you while you cry it all out. You want to die yet you can’t bring yourself to do the actions that would end it all because that scares you even more than living.

Lately, you had been feeling very happy. Remus and Sirius were wonderful boyfriends and would do everything they could to make you laugh or smile. Your favourite moments with Remus are the ones where he decides to cuddle with you, there is nothing more relaxing than just resting your head on his chest and listening to the thump of his heart and his steady breaths.

The best moments with Sirius are when he tries to make up his own jokes, most of the jokes he tries to tell aren’t even funny but that somehow makes it funnier when he tells you a bad one-liner whilst in detention. The sweetest thing about Sirius is that when you least expect it he curls up on the bed and sleeps next to you as Padfoot. It’s the sweetest thing ever waking up in Remus’ arms to Padfoot lying across your chest, Remus just watches over the pair of you with a smile upon his face at seeing his two lovers sleeping so peacefully.

This morning you had woken up and felt like crap, you couldn't quite place it so you skipped breakfast and had a lie-in instead. This caused you to miss your first lesson and most of lunch. You managed to go to your next lesson though which was Charms with your boyfriend Remus.

At first, you tried to concentrate but you felt like a cloud had settled itself over your head causing you to struggle with your work.

You’d been feeling better for a while now but for some reason today had just left you feeling miserable. For the rest of class, you sat with your head in your hand gazing out the window.

Remus could tell that you weren’t paying attention to the class and was starting to grow concerned. “y/n, you okay?” He whispers in your ear.

Not wanting to draw any attention to yourself or bother him, you just nod and force a smile in the hopes that you could pretend that everything was fine.

The bell rang a few minutes later signalling the end of the class period. You had History of Magic next, Remus wasn’t in that class with you but Sirius was. Remus walked you to your next class observing your behaviour.

You weren’t smiling and didn’t speak at all on the way there simply looking at the ground. Remus stopped with you at the classroom door and gave you a soft kiss on the cheek. “Are you sure you’re alright love? You know you can talk to me if something is wrong.”

Looking up at him you sigh. “I’m fine,” you say quietly before turning around and walking into the classroom.

Remus was growing very concerned with your behaviour, something was clearly wrong but you weren’t telling him.

Just then Sirius walks down the corridor. “Moony, decided to switch classes have you?” He jokes.

Not wanting anyone to overhear the conversation Remus grabs his arm and pulls him over to an empty classroom shoving him in the door.

“I need a favour,” said Remus in a serious tone.

“What Moons?” replies Sirius, confused at the sudden change in Remus’ behaviour.

“I need you to watch y/n for me and make sure she’s alright. Something is wrong and I want to help her but she won’t tell me anything.” blurts Remus.

Sirius pats him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry Remus, I’ll keep an eye on her.” Sirius leaves the empty room and proceeds to walk into the History of Magic classroom.

Sirius seats himself beside you but you don’t notice at first because you are spaced out not paying any attention to the lecture being given by Binns.

You felt like crap to put it simply. You wanted to focus on your classes so badly but your brain was just telling you no.

Your brain is running at a hundred miles an hour making you feel even worse. *I’m going to fail all of my classes. Why am I so useless? Do the boys love me or do they just tolerate me? Nobody loves me, not really. I wish I was dead, why can’t I just die?*

You feel slow tears make their way down your face. You sniffle softly not wanting to bother anyone.

Sirius quickly notices your tears as you sniffle next to him. *Moony is right* thought Sirius *something is very wrong.*

Sirius reaches a hand out to yours underneath the desk and gives it a gentle squeeze as a reminder that he is there for you.

Finally, you have enough of your self-deprecating thoughts and abruptly stand up, grab your things and leave despite only having twenty minutes of class left. Sirius gets up and follows you, grabbing your hand as you leave the room.

The pair of you walk silently through the castle until you get back to the Gryffindor common room. Sirius seats you at the couch in front of the fire before grabbing your bag and chucking it aside.

Sirius sits down next to you as you stare into the ornate fireplace with tears still slowly rolling down your face. “Y/n love, what’s wrong?” He softly asks.

Instead of answering him, you rest your head on his shoulder. Sirius brings his arms around you to pull you into a hug. The pair of you sit like that for a while, listening to the crackle of the fire and your sorrowful sniffles. Sirius simply holds you whilst tears slowly roll down your face.

“I'm sorry, I’m just tired. I think I’m gonna go have a nap” you say softly.

“Alright doll, I’ll see you at dinner then?” He asks.

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” you tell him knowing full well that you wouldn’t be in the mood to eat.

Leaving Sirius in the common room you walk up to the boys dorm and throw yourself down on Remus' bed. Grabbing a discarded sweater from Sirius’ bed on the way. You curl up in a ball under the covers on Remus’ bed before letting the tears fall down your face again *why can’t I just feel happy for once in my life? I always fuck everything up, I want to die*

Sirius watches you walk up the stairs to the boys dorm before letting out a sigh and putting his head in his hands. You had never been like this, you were usually so bright and cheerful something bad must have happened because Sirius hadn’t seen even the slightest smile all day.

The bell for the next lesson rings and Sirius remains sitting on the sofa in the common room contemplating what he should tell Remus. He didn’t want to make his friend even more alarmed but he couldn’t hide his feeling of concern for your breakdown in class.

Remus enters the common room behind a babble of second years who were complaining to each other about their homework.

Spotting Sirius on the sofa before the fire he rushes over to sit next to him.

“Where’s y/n? Is she alright?”

Sirius takes a deep breath before sitting back on the sofa. “No, I can see what you mean Rem, she’s very upset.”

“What do you mean?” replies a panicked Remus

Sirius turns to face him and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Look mate I don’t want to worry you but in class, she just sat and stared into space, then she started crying and walked out.”

Remus let out a pained sigh and ran his hands down his face before clasping them in his lap. “Is she okay? where is she now?”

“I walked her back here, we had a cuddle for a while then she said that she was just tired so she left to have a nap,” replies Sirius

Remus stands up from the sofa and brushes his sweaty palms off of his trousers, “let's go and check on her.”

Sirius rises off of the sofa too, he turns around and looks around the common room before turning back to Remus. “Maybe she just needs space, she told me she’d come down to dinner so let's just give her some time alone and if she doesn't come to dinner then we can go and check on her.”

Staring into Sirius’ stormy grey irises Remus stays standing for another minute before nodding and sitting back down.

The boys study in the common room for an hour in complete silence, both of them preoccupied with thoughts of their distressed girlfriend. Sirius and Remus then head down to dinner, sitting down at the end of the Gryffindor table closest to the doors so that they could spot you as soon as you walked in.

The boys sit and pick at their food mindlessly for ten minutes continuously watching the door in hope that you’d join them for the meal.

Sirius lets out a deep sigh and drops his fork on his plate rubbing his brow before looking at Remus. Remus looks up at him offering a small smile before standing up. “Come on Pads, our girl needs us”

Sirius quickly stands up and grabs Remus’ hand dragging him out of the great hall. The boys briskly walk hand in hand back to the Gryffindor common room and quickly ascend the stairs to the dorm.

Remus opens the door quietly in case you are sleeping and peers in, he feels his heart break as he catches sight of you. You are lying in his bed fast asleep with puffy eyes from crying.

Remus approaches the bed and sits down on the side closest to you. Gently he starts to stroke your face with his hand whilst gesturing for Sirius to come over to the bed with his other hand. Sirius kneels on the bed next to Remus, reaches out and starts playing with your hair.

Remus watches as you slowly awaken, your eyes fluttering as they adjust to the light in the room. “Darling are you alright?” He asks you softly while rubbing his thumb over your cheek.

You feel your eyes fill with tears but don’t want the boys to see them so you roll over and put your face in the pillow hoping that they leave you alone so that you can compose yourself again.

The boys look at each other trying to figure out what to do next. Remus nods at Sirius gesturing for him to try and get a response from you.

“Baby, why didn’t you come to dinner?” You still don’t respond, making Sirius panic. “Please talk to us, we want to help you.” This makes you feel even worse, they just wanted you to be happy but instead, you’d caused them to leave dinner to look for you.

Your body starts to shake as the tears start rolling down your face. You keep the sobs in not wanting to make them even more worried.

Remus carefully runs a hand over your back worried at the lack of response. “Y/n please talk to us, we love you baby we only want to help you. It’s killing me that you are this upset and we want to be here for you.”

This is the last straw and you lose control of your crying, finally letting out the sobs that had been building up all day.

Remus’ heart breaks even more “Oh baby, come here”. Remus turns you over and carefully pulls you into his lap.

You press your head into Remus’ neck and let out all of the emotion that had been held within you all day.

Sirius sits down next to Remus and yourself at the head of the bed, he runs one hand soothingly up and down your back. “It’s okay baby, it’s okay.”

Your entire body shakes with sobs, tears soak the front of Remus’ sweater whilst the boys continue to make attempts to console you.

Remus rocks you in his arms carefully trying to calm you down. “Shh darlin’ it’s okay”

You start hyperventilating from the force of your sobs, Remus pulls you back from his chest slightly brushing hair away from your face.

Sirius reaches out to you and picks up one of your hands, he brings it up to his chest so that you can feel his steady heartbeat. “I know you're upset baby but you’ve got to breathe. Can you do that for me?”

Sirius breathes in and out slowly emphasising each breath for you to follow. “In...and out, in…and out.” This continues for a few minutes as you try to regulate your breathing.

“Good girl, you’re doing such a good job baby”

The sobs slow down slightly as you regain control over your breathing, tears still fall down your face but not as quickly as before.

Remus cups your face in his hand wiping away stray tears with his thumb before pressing a solitary kiss to your temple. “Y/n, what’s wrong? Please tell us” he begs.

You let out a sigh, opening and shutting your mouth a few times trying to come up with something to tell them.

Sirius notices your hesitation and gives you a reassuring smile. “It’s okay love, you can tell us anything. I promise you that we’ll try to help you and nothing you say can make us love you any less.”

Looking into his eyes you see nothing but love and concern. You sniffle and wipe one of your sleeves across your face. “I don’t know, I just don’t feel good”

Sirius runs a hand through your hair before giving you a sympathetic smile. “Is it that time of the month baby? You feelin’ sick?”

Tears well up in your eyes again. “No” you reply softly “I don’t feel sick”

“Then what is it babe?” asks Sirius with a small frown on his face.

You consider lying to them for a moment not wanting to burden them with your thoughts and emotions but in the end, it’s the pleading expression upon Remus’ face that makes you give in.

You take a deep breath, “sometimes I just feel really sad, like nothing will get better. I feel like no one loves me. I don't want to bother you guys because I don’t want you to leave me.”

The tears fall down your face again as you turn around and put your face back into Remus’ sweater, your fingers have a firm grasp on him as if letting go would make him disappear.

“Please, please don’t leave me, I’m sorry” you beg them as you cry into Remus’ chest.

Remus feels tears well up in his own eyes but swallows them down in order to comfort you. “No no no, sweetheart, it's okay. I promise that we aren’t leaving you.”

Remus holds you even tighter in his arms “I wish you’d told us that you were feeling like this sooner darling. We love you so much”

Sirius sits in silence listening to Remus comfort you before lifting a hand and rubbing your back. “Look at me baby,” he says with a stern tone.

You look up at him, he has a more pronounced frown upon his face than what was there previously but it softens slightly when he realises that you are watching him.

“You need to tell us when you feel like this okay? You aren’t bothering anyone, we just want to help you and we would never leave you over something like this.”

You remain silent looking away from him, the tears slowing down again so all that remains are the odd couple every few seconds.

“Promise you’ll tell us when you feel like this baby?” He asks, holding your face in his hands.

You sniffle softly before agreeing “m’kay, I promise”

“Good girl, you’re such a good girl for telling us baby,” he says fondly before placing a soft kiss on your cheek. As he pulls away from your cheek he gets a mischievous look upon his face. “Hey babe, what do you call a cow with two legs?”

You look at him confused for a minute before saying “I dunno”

He leans in towards you with a grin upon his face as though he is telling you a secret “Lean beef”

This causes you to giggle, Sirius smirks whilst Remus chuckles. The boys are pleased to hear you laugh after having been deprived of such beautiful sounds for an entire day.

“Good one wasn’t it?” He asks with a cocky smirk on his face.

“No” you reply, still slightly giggling.

“No!” He repeats back to you in disbelief. “What do you mean no? I thought it was a good one”

Remus raises an eyebrow looking at Sirius “c’mon Pads, you can do better than that”

“Fine, I’ve got a better one” huffs Sirius. “What does the perverted frog say?”

“I dunno” you reply again trying to keep a straight face.

“Rubbit” he replies.

This joke was much funnier than the last and you burst out in laughter. You have joyous tears of laughter pouring down your face as you giggle until your sides hurt.

After a while you yawn and rub your eyes, Remus smiles affectionately at you before moving you off of his lap changing positions so that you are laying half on Remus’ chest with Sirius spooning you from behind.

“C’mon darling, let's get some sleep,” he says quietly.

Sirius buries his face in the back of your neck before mumbling out a quick “I love you”

You settle down into their embrace, relaxing all of your muscles and just as you are dozing off to sleep you feel Remus run his hand through your hair as he whispers “I love you darling, more than you will ever know.”

[duskholland]

Y/n has a disagreement with frat!tom, she drowns her sorrows and then frat!tom takes care of drunk y/n

ah...a classic. cw: alcohol + angst w a happy end. pls don’t do this irl--communication is key in any balanced relationship! don’t drown your sorrows <3

frat!tom night !!

*:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧ *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧ *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧

Tom: I’m sorry Tom: I didn’t mean to upset you Tom: can you just text me back Tom: please

You drag your index finger over the lock-screen of your phone, giggling slightly as you watch Tom’s texts wobble. Your eyes are tired and unfocused, your head spinning, and your objective of getting absolutely hammered has been well and truly achieved. You’d surpassed your limits an hour ago, if you’re being honest with yourself, but your bottle of tequila had been calling your name, and now you’re out of your mind. You’re just glad that your roommate is at her boyfriend’s for the night so she doesn’t have to witness your heartbroken breakdown.

Another two texts bumps up to the top of the screen, startling you.

Tom: I’m worried about you Tom: can you just let me know that you’re okay?

You sigh loudly, then begrudgingly pick up your phone. You open the texts sent from Tom, your boyfriend — or, ex-boyfriend…? — and read over them again, eyes hazy. You decide not to reply, and to instead leave him on read, because what else are you supposed to do?

With a heavy sigh, you lie back on the floor and stare at the ceiling of your dorm. You groan as you think over the events of the day again, your mind heavy and lethargic.

It’d been a stupid argument with Tom, about god knows what. Spring break, you think. He’d changed his mind last minute, and instead of going to Mexico with you and a few friends, he now wants to go back to London to spend time with his family. He also wants you to go back with him, to meet his parents and his brothers, and, in typical Tom fashion, had failed to mention that he’d changed your flights on your behalf.

It doesn’t matter now. All that matters is you’d spent a very unpleasant thirty minutes at the frat house earlier, exchanging sour words of disapproval with your boyfriend, who couldn’t be bothered to hear your side of the story. You’d ran away when you’d realised you were just going in circles, and now you’re here: red-eyed, drunk, and alone. The realisation makes you hiccup, and you feel your eyes well up again.

There’s a loud knock at the door, and you startle.

“Fuck,” you mutter, quickly standing up. You toss the bottle of alcohol under a blanket and wipe at your eyes, cursing yourself for looking like such a mess. You hope it’s just a neighbour, concerned about the breakup song playlists and the loud volume of your crying, and not an RA about to bust you for possession of alcohol in a college dorm.

It turns out to be neither, and you scowl as you open the door just to see Tom standing beyond it. His eyes snap up, his expression springing into one of surprise as if he hadn’t expected you to open the door. There’s a light blue beanie sitting on his head, but he whips it off and holds it between his hands as he rocks back on his feet and swallows

“Y/N…. Look, I’m so sorry.” He looks so small, with his figure covered in grey sweats and a white t-shirt. He has a red jacket shrugged over the top too, but his posture is slumped and diminished. His eyes are pink. “I was such a twat. I don’t want us to break up over this, and I don’t want you to hate me, either. I’m sorry.” His gaze narrows as his eyes twist over your figure. “Wait, are you drunk?”

Your eyes bulge, and you instinctively reach out to grab his arm. You jerk him into your room, chastising him in a loud whisper about the presence of your pesky RAs, and then you lean back against the door, facing the main body of the room where Tom’s now pacing.

“You shouldn’t be here,” you manage, tongue feeling thick in your mouth.

Tom finds the bottle of tequila you’d thrown in your bed as he straightens up the duvet, turning on you with a frown on your face.

“You shouldn’t be drinking on a Tuesday night,” he mutters. “Is this my fault?”

You shrug. “No,” you say. “Pretty sure I’m the one who did the drinking.”

Tom winces, then slowly takes off his jacket. He approaches you gently, extending two hands towards you.

“I’m sorry,” he says, voice exhausted. You hate how heartbroken he looks, so you reach out and join together your fingers, pulling him a little closer. Tom walks all the way to you, folding into you until he’s squeezing your hands and has his forehead pressed against yours. “I’m sorry for being a dick, and not speaking to you about spring break first.” His thumbs run over the backs of your hands. “And I’m also sorry for being a twat and not listening to you properly.”

You have to close your eyes, finding it too hard to focus on his face when it’s pushed so near to you.

“I’m too drunk to have this conversation with you,” you mutter. You drop one of his hands and feel him freeze before you shift it up to his hair. You’re quiet as you play around with his brown curls, finding comfort in the familiar softness. “I’m sorry too, though. I feel like shit. I shouldn’t have been so angry about it all…” You break off, feeling your eyes water as your voice thickens. It’s just a whisper as you add, softer, “I don’t want to lose you over this, Tom.”

He pulls back, and you’re able to meet his eyes as he reaches up to cup your warm cheeks in his hands. You aren’t angry anymore—now that he’s here, looking at you so softly, you just want to move on and fall straight back into his arms.

“You’re not losing me, darling. You could never lose me,” he murmurs. He leans in and kisses your forehead softly, letting his lips linger there for a moment. “Let’s get you in bed, yeah?”

You nod. “Okay,” you agree, suddenly feeling very attached to the idea of curling up beneath the covers and sleeping.

“Wait, wait.” Tom’s gentle hold on your waist makes you stop. “Bathroom first. You’ve still got makeup on.”

You pout as you coo, nodding. “Can you take it off for me?”

“Of course, love.”

You’re glad for the en-suite in your room. Despite it being a tight fit, Tom’s able to come in with you. He sits you on the closed toilet seat and tenderly dabs at your face, stripping back the smudged makeup as he cracks a few light jokes and murmurs soft words of praise. He watches as you brush your teeth, standing behind you with his arms wrapped around your front, lips brushing over your neck in featherlight kisses as he meets your eyes in the mirror and your heart flutters in your chest. Despite your complaints, he even convinces you to down two glasses of water.

“Aren’t you getting in too?” You whine. He’s standing beside your single bed, hands on the top of the duvet as he finishes tucking you in. You do your best to look innocent and fragile, blinking up at him through wide eyes. “It’s cold…”

Tom hesitates.

“Do you want me to?” He asks. When you nod your head enthusiastically, he smiles softly. “I don’t want you to wake up tomorrow morning and realise that it’s not what you wanted.”

You shake your head. “I won’t,” you say, knowing it to be true. “Just… if you’re worried about overstepping, don’t kiss me or anything. I won’t be mad if you sleep here.”

He smiles as if he finds the compromise agreeable, then kicks off his shoes and pulls off his shirt. You try to wolf whistle, only for the sound to come out flat and failed, and he laughs loudly.

“Did you just try to whistle at me?” He teases.

“No.”

“Are you lying?”

“Maybe.”

Tom slips into bed beside you. It’s a tight fit, but you’ve spent enough nights together on your single mattress to know exactly what you have to do. You don’t hesitate to curl into his side, throwing a leg over his body as you rest your face against his arm and press your hand to his chest. Tom reaches over and flicks off the lamp before wrapping his arms around you, holding you close.

“I love you,” he says, the moment it’s dark and you’re both settled. “I love you so much, baby.”

You coo, unable to control the unruly smile that tugs at your lips.

“Love you too, Tom,” you murmur. “You’re so warm.”

He chuckles, light fingers rubbing circles over the top of your arm. “And you’re just lovely.”

You melt, burrowing your head further into his side. Beneath your palm, you can feel his heartbeat, pulsing gently.

“You know, the only reason I was so mad earlier was because I was scared of meeting your parents,” you admit, voice soft. “It’s not because I don’t want to spend time with you, Tommy. I do. All the time. But it’s scary to think about how I could do something to fuck this up. It’s scary sometimes... to think about how much I love you.”

You feel his lips touch the top of your head.

“Do you want to know a secret?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m scared too. That’s why I changed the flights without speaking to you. I was scared you wouldn’t want to come with me and take the next step with me.” Tom breaks off, sighing. “I’m a fucking idiot, though. Still should’ve spoken to you about it.”

You hum gently. “As long as you look after me, and make sure I’m okay, then I’d love to come and meet your family.” You tilt your face up and lean closer until you’re able to deposit a clumsy kiss to his sharp jaw.

“Of course I’d look after you,” Tom assures. “But you don’t need to be scared. They’ll love you, because I love you, and I think you’re the most wonderful person in the world, Y/N.”

You curl in closer, stifling a yawn. “Love you too.”

“Precious,” he mumbles. You feel him urge you nearer, warm kisses falling over your head again and again. “Go to sleep, babe,” he urges. “I’ve got you.”

You sigh contentedly. “Will you still be here in the morning?” You whisper, relaxing fully into his hold.

“‘Course. I’ll even get you breakfast.”

You smile against his chest. “Fuck yeah,” you murmur. “G’night.”

“Night, princess.” Tom rests a hand on your arm, and you sink into it. “Sweet dreams.”

[txdoroki]

please don’t leave me

warnings: character death sorta, i mean it doesn’t have anything to do with the mha storyline, but someone dies in this, blood/gore/fighting

desc: bakugou is breaking up with his partner, and they don’t understand it was for the greater good. idfk im bad at descriptions lmao

ANGSTY ASF

pairing: bakugou x reader

words: 1,444- woo

@frxggie hope this is angsty enough for you honey💗

“suki what are you talking about?” you looked up at bakugou with your brows furrowed, confusion and fear laced in your gaze.

he’d said he was faking it, he didn’t want to be with you anymore.

“look, i never want to see you again. these past years have been fucking hell for me, i can’t stand you,” your boyfriend.. well, ex-boyfriend stood in front of our bed, scoffing when he saw tears begin to form in your eyes, “quit that, this is hard for me too,”

you felt like you’d been beaten to a pulp. you’d placed your heart in his hands, entrusting all of your secrets and trust into him, and he tore it up right in front of you. you trusted him, you loved him. he told you he’d never leave, that you meant the universe to him, and you took that as the truth. 

all good things must come to an end i guess 

“why would you lie to me,” your voice cracked as you bit your bottom lip to hush the cries that threatened to wrack through your body, trying your best not to breakdown in front of him.

“because you’re one clingy ass bitch, it isn’t like the lies were very difficult to pull off. you’re so fucking desperate for love that you chose me? why,” 

every word that bakugou said tore both of your hearts apart. he wished he didn’t have to do this, he loved you so much. you were his soulmate, and he had to ruin your year just because he was stupid enough to....

“get out of my dorm right now,” you choked on your sobs, and the dam broke before you could get him away from you. you lost it, more and more sobs and cries escaping your mouth with every passing second.

he instinctively reached out to hug you, and you screamed when his hand touched your shoulder. he pulled back, and stared at the ground. for the first time ever, he looked defeated.

he wished you understood he didn’t want to hurt you like this.

“get the fuck away from me, i can’t believe you, get away from me,” you covered your ears when he tried to say something. you didn’t want to hear whatever he had to say. tears flew down your face, and they seemed to be never ending.

all of that fire of joy and love that had been crackling in bakugou’s chest just a few hours before, was gone. its place was filled with. well. nothing. it’d always be empty.

it was a spot only your love could fill.

when bakugou just stood there while you cried, grief filled you. his presence no longer felt warm and comforting, instead it was quite the opposite. 

“i told you to get away from me, bakugou,” the use of his last name made him take in a sharp breath. 

“y/n,”

“shut up and get away from me,” you bawled, grabbing one of your pillows to cry into.

you both wished it didn’t have to happen this way.

you both wished it didn’t happen in general.

you didn’t notice when he quietly exited your dorm, but you were thankful he did. you couldn’t stand the sight of him right now, and everything seemed to remind you of him.

the walls that he’d hold you against and kiss you. your bed that you cuddled with him on. the teddy bear he got you on your first date. everywhere you looked, a different memory you made with him would flood your mind. when he first kissed you. when you were cuddling with him and he said “god you’re such a dumbass, i love you.”. when you shared your deepest secrets with him.

when he promised he’d always be there.

when he promised he would always love you.

when he promised.

the love of your life just walked away from you. he just told you that you were useless to him, and that he didn’t love you anymore. 

all hell broke loose inside of you once more, and you were sure if someone was outside they’d be able to hear your cries.

a few hours later, you’d decided to walk to a nearby icecream parlor to try and cheer yourself up.

 although it was long forgotten when you saw bakugou walk out of the dorm building as you were turning the corner to go outside to your car. you decided to follow him even though every bone in your body begged you not to, but you were too worried as to what he was up to at two in the morning. he was usually asleep, the hell was happening?

you were really confused as you were following him to see you wound up at an elementary school playground. 

and even more confused when you saw a green, glowing figure stood next to the swings.

why was he meeting up with deku?

“so, are you ready to die?” midoriya laughed, although it didn’t really sound like him, as bakugou walked over to him with his head down.

when you saw your beloved nod sadly, your stomach turned.

they exchanged small talk for a short few minutes, talking about how midoriya was getting the “ultimate payback” for the years of bakugou’s bullying.

they nodded to each other before both getting into fighting stance and, i suppose you could say, you acted without thinking.

you ran out from behind a random bush you were hiding at and held them apart, “please don’t do this,”

“y/n, get away from here, now,” bakugou pushed you at least a few feet away, not paying enough attention to notice the punch that was about to land on his face.

he got launched into the ground, the cement cracking as he slid through it with the most force you’ve ever seen from izuku.

“katsuki,” you screamed, about to run towards him and help before izuku started charging towards you instead of his primary prey.

he almost kicked you with 20% of his power, but bakugou shot up from where he was laying on the ground and blocked it. 

“i told you, i’m not letting you,” he panted out as he took a moment to cough up a few droplets of blood, “i’m not letting you hurt them,”

“quit with your stupid savior shit and fight me, not so tough when your little love bird is here, are you?�� izuku spat at your boyfriend, bringing his foot up from the ground then back down on bakugou’s ribs.

a disgusting crack came from the direction they both were as he dug his foot into bakugou’s body.

you wanted to puke. your boyfriend was going to die and you couldn’t do shit.

after izuku landed punch after kick after punch, he smirked and waved to you, then walked the opposite way of the dorms you all had came from.

you ran to bakugou, sitting on your knees as you held his head in your hands.

he slowly blinked at you, and began to cry. the dried blood that covered his cheeks and was around his mouth moved as his face scrunched up with hurt.

neither of you were sure if the hurt was mental or physical. probably both.

“i’m so.. sorry,” he coughed out blood again, and you nearly hit your skull against him when you leaned down and nuzzled your head against his.

“please,” you cried, “please don’t leave me!”

“i’m sorry, i never wanted to hurt you,” he weakly nodded, attempting to sit up, but his arm bones were cracked.

you helped him sit up for a moment, and you wrapped your arms as tight around his body as you could without hurting him.

your entire body hurt from the sobs that wracked through your body.

when he suddenly started going limp, you pulled back from the hug and looked him in the eyes, searching for something, anything in his gaze to show he still had hope of living.

“i’m sorry.... i love you so much,” he whispered, and his eyes closed.

you screamed, hot tears against your skin as you begged him not to die. not to give up. not to leave you alone in this cold world.

you watched his breathing slow, and you felt powerless.

“wake up, come on i know you can wake up,”

“please, babe, please,”

“i know you can live, just open your damn eyes,”

“please don’t leave me,” you screamed, your ears ringing and your throat hoarse from how loud you’d been yelling and sobbing.

you stayed there for hours, begging your beloved’s eyes to open, or for his chest to rise and fall.

it never happened.

[saladejin]

Call An Uber? | 04

BTS x Reader | idolverse au, uber driver!Reader, translator!Reader |  Fluff, flirting, super slow burn, angst and hurt/comfort, mature themes and eventual smut

Summary:  Your normal life with a normal, yet inconsistent job gets drastically changed when your dreams come true. Sounds boring right?

What happens when all of this occurs, but you’re still doing something you love AND getting a large sum for it? Now there’s something to think about, and it’s definitely not what you’re thinking.

Warnings: Implied mental health struggles, anxiety and slight panic attack

Word Count: 2.9k 

< masterpost >

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  Another three days passing brought forth another fresh steaming pile of emotions. 

I was due to start my job at Bighit in the following week, and had been dropping in to meet with Bang PD and the staff regularly since the initial signing of the documents. Its only purpose was just for me to get to know everyone, since I would start off in the company playing a major role, and for me to get comfortable in the environment. PD-nim knew I was not used to working for such large and renowned companies, and I was so happy he had taken that into consideration.

Another meet-and-greet done today, and I was trembling. 

I didn’t know why it had all suddenly decided to drop on me now, but my only solace was the splash of vivid crimson sitting out in the otherwise monochrome carpark of the building. I yanked open the car door with shaking fingers and all but fell into the familiar leather seat, my breathing uneven from the tightening within my chest.

Don’t get me wrong at all, the company was absolutely amazing, and so were all the staff and their immediate hospitality. Bang PD was like a second father to me already, and I’d even had him ruffle my hair once today after he’d somehow managed to laugh at one of my jokes. His assistant, which I now knew as Chang Soojin, or just Soojin-unni as she had told me to use, was becoming a reliable colleague and friend pretty quickly too. I had met many members of the staff, including the co-ordi noonas, managers, stylists etc. Even a group of interpreters who specialised in specific languages.

Hence why they employed me so quickly, I’d thought to myself after finding out they only knew English and Korean.

There was that one Spanish interpreter, who had been absent on the ‘fateful day’, but he was now doing fine and had profusely apologised to me afterwards. I felt bad for the guy, as I probably seemed like a warning replacement if anything of disarray was to happen again.

Bighit can be bloody scary, damn.

My breathing had evened slightly, but stress was still causing my head to become a mess of jagged scribbles. So much had changed in my life recently, and even if it had an overall positive effect, my mind was still left reeling. This was the kind of sudden responsibility that made me want to revisit my childhood days, to let go of being an adult and to be surrounded by nothing but carefree bliss.

A light rapping on my car passenger window tore me from my strangling thoughts. I gasped, squinting my eyes to glimpse at the darkly clothed figure before sighing. The person had thoroughly frightened me, and I wasn’t very happy about it. They crouched down to look in, and when they saw I was making no move to stop them, they pulled open the passenger door hesitantly.

“Is this Uber operating?” Yoongi softly asked.

I was still irritated that my precious alone-time had been ruined, after going through quite a bit of anxiety about my life in general, but I couldn’t bring myself to refuse the impassive man at the moment. After even more thought, I concluded that having someone to talk to would in fact help me the most right now. When I nodded slowly, sighing again in an attempt to regather myself, he lowered his head in gentle understanding.

“Uh, if it’s a really bad time I-”

“No, Yoongi. Wait is it even okay to not use honorifics? Should I call you oppa?” I shook my head, my voice steadily gaining life again from how croaky it sounded before. I hadn’t cried, but I was definitely on the verge before he’d made his appearance.

Yoongi settled into the passenger seat holding a lidded coffee cup. He was dressed in dark but flowy clothing, and I questioned his sanity briefly considering how hot it was outside. It was mid-afternoon at the moment, but we both didn’t seem to have schedules planned.

“Even though I’m not against it, I feel like dropping the honorifics would work better for you. I won’t get offended,” he hummed, sipping his coffee. I noticed how tired his eyes were under the cap he wore, and instantly felt bad for being annoyed with him before. He adorned a black mask too, but it was sitting under his chin to make talking and drinking easier.

“Did you also want coffee? I could offer to get you one.”

His sudden question caused me to blink in confusion. Then I realised I had been eyeing the cup in his pale hands quite intensely. His dark eyes were blank and his pale blue-white hair was slightly roughened from the breeze outside. Trying not to fawn over him, I broke out into a strained chuckle while my hands came up to slap my cheeks in embarrassment.

“No no no, I wasn’t…Ah I’m sorry, I just have a lot going on at the moment.” I decided to let the cat out of the bag with another sigh. He may as well know what was going on behind my outwardly apparent emotions. I didn’t even know how I was meant to hold a decent conversation when my insides were such a nervous wreck. I knew I would build myself up again eventually, but he just happened to catch me at a vulnerable time.

“Yeah, I could tell,” he started. “I followed you out because I saw you running out here shaking like a leaf. I guess it sounds kind of creepy when put like that.” He shrugged, eyeing the dashboard of my car while I just tried to take in his quiet observation.

“No, actually I appreciate it. You haven’t even met me yet…ugh why am I doing everything backwards right now?” I rested my head onto the steering wheel, positively exasperated. Yoongi and I had never even held a conversation before, but here I was acting like a total idiot and making him worry about my mental health.

“Don’t worry about it, you’re all I hear about these days.” He sighs with a groan, letting his head roll back to rest against the leather headrest. My own curiosity was tickled.

“Really? Let me guess, ‘the crazy Uber chick who somehow managed to get herself involved with shit that didn’t concern her’?”

He laughed silently at that, the gummy smile melting my bundling insides into a puddle – and suddenly everything was alright.

I didn’t have to have everything in my life figured out right now, I just had to make the most of my time with these amazingly driven individuals who had undoubtedly captured my heart. Alongside this job which was actually my passion to begin with.

I didn’t even know how I hadn’t freaked out over the fact that the Min Yoongi, worldwide famous producer and rapper, was sitting in my car. He was sitting in the same seat the Park Jimin had sat in about a week and a half ago. I needed to shut down my brain before it began to burn a hole into the back of my skull from overworking.

“That would be funny, but no, definitely not. I just wish the young ones would let me sleep, but they’ve been excited. I swear I’ve already met you ten times at this point.”

I snort in amusement, absolutely loving how blunt he was about the whole situation. Too many people, since I had arrived in the country, were overbearingly polite and careful with their words. I was not used to it at all, and it made the ‘foreign’ experience all the more jarring. Yoongi probably understood this to an extent, so I was grateful he tried his best to be more casual right away.

“Look, can I start driving? I just need to clear my head a bit. Maybe I can introduce myself properly.” I exhaled loudly, my nerves significantly calmed since chatting a little. Even though I felt terrible at the thought, I couldn’t help but be grateful that it was Yoongi who had paid me a surprise visit instead of one of the others. His presence was somewhat reserved and I had trouble reading the guy half the time, but his company was the type I needed instead of something loud and overwhelming.

“Sure, I did kind of barge in so you can continue with whatever you were doing.”

You mean almost having a mental breakdown?

“But I do want to actually meet you, because if I have to hear your name around the dorm one more fucking time without knowing who you are, I may just snap.”

I laughed loudly, his grunt-worthy words causing amusement to roil around in my chest. I figured I would question him about exactly what was said a bit later. For now, I just needed to relax and ease my worries, and driving was my channel for exactly that. I started reversing out of the carpark with silence finally befalling the car, grateful to finally leave behind the line of black company vans surrounding me. I found it ominous if I was completely honest. Engulfed by the view of several identical black vans was a little unsettling when the only car I was used to was Red.

When did I even decide to name my car? It’s such a boring name too.

“Well, I can start by saying my name is (L/n) (Y/n). (Y/n) is fine, and you already known I don’t care for honorifics. I’m from (Y/c), and I landed a job at Bighit Entertainment by letting two of your band members hitch a ride. Ultimately escaping their foreseeable deaths.” My dramatic tone increased the longer I spoke, and I could see the corners of Yoongi’s lips turning up gradually.

“That sounds about right. Jiminie told me you were a big fan, but it turns out you are really collected when you see us. I appreciate your efforts, but feel free to let it out if you need.” He tilted his head with a smirk, his ‘Genius Suga’ persona surfacing within the span of two whole seconds. I just bit my lip to contain another amused giggle.

“Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I’m not one to freak out after the initial shock. Most of my extra-ness is of the internal type, I’m afraid.”

He shook his head in mock disappointment, eventually flashing me that endearing expression where his lips stretched across his whole face. I covered my cheeks with one hand to stop my bubbling amusement from erupting.

“Stop please, or I’ll crash!”

He simply sipped his coffee, smirking again at my reaction. I knew I hadn’t actually doused his ego, but his antics still aided in lifting my spirits higher and higher. As I tried to figure out where I wanted to drive, Yoongi pulled out a small notepad full of scrawled notes and scribbled out lines.

“Well, you already know who I am, that much I can guess. Now that we’ve met, I can tell those kids to shut up and do something useful,” he continued. Even though his tone was full of complaint, I knew he loved every single one of those boys wholeheartedly.

“Where are they now?” I asked through a smile, glancing down as the rapper flicked through his notepad to the page he had last used. “Practicing more, at least I know Jiminie, Jin-hyung and Jungkook-ah are. We’ve got a big concert and a comeback soon, so everyone is riled up.”

“Yeah, that seems like a packed schedule for at least a few months. I’m really excited for what you guys have in store though, it seems too unreal that I actually get to see everything behind the scenes for the first time in my life,” I sighed out in awe, thinking about a possible new album and new content. How could I even go about it normally when everything was different? Wait, was I going to get a discounted album? I surely hoped so.

Yoongi looked at me carefully before making a few notes in his notepad, his fingers working the pen deftly through long and hardened experience. His ripped black jeans were tighter than I initially thought they were, but my attention only went there because he was tapping his foot rhythmically as he wrote.

“Lyrics?” I questioned, raising an eyebrow in his direction and diverting my attention. I drove towards the outskirts of Seoul, hoping to find somewhere quiet and peaceful to settle for a bit. The time had essentially flown by, but I was sure the sky wouldn’t darken just yet.

“Yeah, just the usual. I help write a lot of songs, and lyrics always just flood into my brain at the most random times, you know?” he murmured, flicking backwards to another page and filling in another empty space.

The realisation that I was driving somewhere random and unknown hit me suddenly, and I briefly wondered if taking Yoongi with me would end up costing me my job all too soon. I was quickly reminded of a similar occurrence with two maknaes, one that caused the managers and Namjoon to lose their absolute marbles.

“Um, I was gonna drive randomly around the area, but I just realised that your managers would skin me alive if they knew I took you with me. Does anyone know you’re with me?”

Yoongi looked up, his eyes, which were once laser-focused on his lyrics, now scoured into my own and I gulped suddenly. His long, dark eyelashes were always beautiful, but they were even more mesmerising in person and this close. They contrasted so nicely against his milky skin that I almost lost focus on the road again.

I may just crash and kill someone one of these days. Customer or not.

“I texted a few people,” was all he said before returning to his notepad, and I shrugged indifferently. He was an adult, and he could make his own decisions. I just hoped I didn’t cop any roastings for it later on.

“Would I be able to show you something?” he then asked.

I glanced sideways, catching him picking at his nails with his teeth apprehensively. It seemed he was stuck on something to do with a lyric, but I didn’t know how I could possibly lend a hand. His lyrics were always so impactful and flowed so nicely. How could I form my own opinion when everything I’d heard from him so far was nothing less than beautiful?

“Yeah? Did you need another perspective?” I probed, willing my feelings of disbelief down into the depths of my subconscious.

“Well, I’m trying to tie together my verse in one of the new songs, and I almost have it. I want someone fresh to have a look.” He held out the pad and I pulled over onto the side of the smaller road. We were now definitely nearing the more ‘picturesque’ side of Seoul anyway, and the city fell away behind us as my eyes scanned over Yoongi’s handwriting. The last line struck a chord deeply within me.

“This is real you, and this is real me” – which one is “you”? Which one is “me”?

“Wow, this really hits hard,” I breathe, reading over the snippets of the verse he had written again to fully absorb what was going on. The whole thing was emotional, and raw. I could imagine his voice rapping hard to form these thoughts, the angry and hurt emotions seeping in.

“I can feel the struggle through the lyrics. It’s like you’ve been through a false love that you threw yourself into after believing it was true...a betrayal of sorts, I guess?” I met his eyes again and grew a little confused when a chuckle of irony fell from him. It must have been some joke I didn’t understand.

“I’m glad you feel so much from it.” He blinked. “I’m actually going to try a different technique with this track, so expect some changes from my usual style.”

He then smiled again, taking the notepad before I could catch any glimpses of the other notes. I couldn’t contain a soft huff of annoyance. “You’re not just gonna tell me?”

He deadpanned before parting his lips to respond. “Just because you work for Bighit doesn’t mean you get every special privilege.” I almost reeled at the thought of bothering him with my question, but he only smiled again while tucking his notepad away.

“Plus, you’re a fan, so my goal is to keep it a secret for as long as possible.”

“Mean,” I grunted, pulling out onto the road again so I could start to head home. The sky was darkening, and I knew there were only so many boundaries I could push before I crossed the line. Yoongi seemed to know this too, but he avoided addressing the subject for some reason.

“Where do you want to be dropped? I’ll have you know I’ve been charging you handsomely for this Uber service,” I muttered, still pretending to be pissed off at him for hiding information.

“I’ll buy you a coffee next time, I promise.”

          Copyright © 2020 by salade. All rights reserved

tagged: @l4life​, @joyful-jimin​

[perenial]

plot; you've been listening to 'boys don't cry' by the cure for like 3 hours straight and it's 2am now and i don't know how to tell you your headphones are loud as shit

It was approaching hour thirteen of Richie’s break-up breakdown when Stan kicked him out of their dorm. According to Stan (and Mike, who had sagely nodded at his boyfriend’s pronouncement), Steve was an asshole who didn’t deserve Richie. Which was heartwarming and all, but Richie had worked himself into a real mood and refused to climb out of it just because Mr Well-Adjusted told him to.

He ended up at the only café still open, a little hole-in-the-wall place staffed by a tired grad student staring at her phone. Richie ordered decaf (thanks, Ritalin) in the bigger mug they had and camped out in the armchair with his headphones firm in his ears, ready to wallow properly. 

Hours fourteen and fifteen were spent nursing the dregs of his cold cappuccino and staring out at the cold night. At some point the mercury dipped below freezing and sleet began to fall on the student commons, painting the concrete in another layer of miserable grey. He knew walking back in this weather would be a dumb idea; he’d probably slip and fall on his ass and no one would help him because he was going to be alone forever like the tragic figure he was, etcetera etcetera, music and lyrics by Robert Smith, roll the goddamn credits already. 

Richie was prepared to launch into hour sixteen with a dedicated Spotify playlist when his headphones were rudely tugged out of his ears. “Can you please turn that down,” someone hissed behind him, “since some of us are trying to study.”

He almost lost his balance spinning around to face his accuser. The face he was met with was pretty furious - with equal emphasis on both pretty and furious. Richie supposed his big brown eyes would be gorgeous if they weren’t glaring with the force of an atom bomb in his general direction. That being said - “Dude, what the fuck, who just rips someone’s headphones out?”

The guy, twisted around on his own armchair, reeled back. “Who the fuck listens to the Cure for ninety minutes straight?” He shot back, incredulous.

“Uh, someone with taste. And how did you know it was the Cure anyway?”

“Because,” the guy growled, “you’ve had your volume stupidly loud all night and I can hear it from over here, dick. You know you’re just increasing your chances of going prematurely deaf by doing that.”

Richie snorted. “Thanks, doc, I was real worried about my hearing when I decided to listen to ‘Boys Don’t Cry’ for - what did you say, ninety minutes straight?” He paused. “Have you been keeping count? Because that’s kind of creepy, man.”

The guy rolled his eyes, but instead of turning away he hitched his knee onto the seat of his chair and faced Richie fully. He’s dressed in the most ridiculous oversized hoodie Richie has ever seen - which was saying something, considering the general disaster that was Richie Tozier. “You’ve been listening to that fucking song the entire time I’ve been here,” he said, “and I got here an hour and a half ago. There. Ninety minutes. Not creepy.”

Richie felt himself grinning despite himself. “Oh, still creepy. Definitely creepy. This place is totally empty,” he pointed out, gesturing to the quiet expanse of the café. Even the barista had disappeared, probably ducked out the back to avoid getting involved. “You could’ve sat anywhere, cutie.”

It was almost comical how quickly the guy blushed, and Richie couldn’t bring himself to regret causing it. “I always sit here, asshole. And I didn’t know you’d have such shit taste in music.”

“Hey, man, take potshots at me, but you’re on real thin ice talking shit about the Cure.” Richie said, and rested his chin on his hand. It should be weird, how easily he was flirting with a stranger so soon after the clusterfuck that was Steve, but something about this guy felt close to familiar, like an old episode of The Sopranos he could recite line-by-line. Warm, worn, wonderful.

The stranger, whoever he was, almost looked like he was enjoying himself too, if the softened frown lines were anything to go by. There was something close to a smile playing at his lips, softly amused, and Richie swore he caught the briefest hint of a dimple. Oh no, he really is cute. “The Cure is, like, beginner eighties, and ‘Boy’s Don’t Cry’ isn’t even their best stuff. You don’t have to pretend it’s cool.”

“I’m not pretending, pal, I know ‘Boy’s Don’t Cry’ is cool. And let me guess,” Richie said, grin spreading wider, “you’re a Stacey Q guy.”

“No -”

“Two of hearts,” Richie sang, painfully off key and louder than he had any right to be nearing midnight on a Tuesday. “Two hearts that beat as one -”

The guy smacked his arm. “Shut the fuck up,” he laughed, shooting a glance towards the counter. The barista was still gone but Richie didn’t care - he’d finally smuggled a real bona-fide smile from this guy, and he was going to milk it for all it was worth.

He launches back into the chorus, leaning across the divide to sing in this cute stranger’s beet-red face. “Two of hearts -”

“I need you, I need you,” the guy added in a breathy falsetto, then blinked as if he couldn’t believe himself. Richie collapsed against his chair, giggling helplessly.

“T-two of hearts - oh my God, dude, the look on your face!” He mimed wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. “You’re fucking hysterical, man.”

The guy huffed. “It’s Eddie.”

Richie stilled. “What?”

“My name, dumbass. Eddie Kaspbrak. So you can stop calling me ‘man’ like a fucking frat bro.” He frowned. “Wait, are you in a frat? That would explain a lot.”

Richie fixed him with a deadpan stare. “Eds, baby, does it look like I’m in a frat?”

“No,” Eddie admitted. “And don’t call me baby.”

“Okay, cutie. Richie Tozier, by the way.” He stuck his hand over the back of his chair and after a hesitant moment, Eddie took it. His grip was gentle but tight, soft skin smoothed over capable hands, and Richie’s heart started fluttering somewhere in the vicinity of his throat. If he didn’t say something dumb and disarming in the next minute, he’d end up melted on the ground like a flustered, incapacitated puddle. 

Eddie beat him to the punch. “Richie, short for Richard? Knew you were a Dick.” He smirked and pulled his phone from his pocket. A few deft taps later there was a buzzing from Richie’s lap - Edward Kaspbrak has sent you a friend request. Richie almost dropped his phone rushing to press accept. 

“Edward, huh? Like the fuckin’, uh, vampire?”

He could practically see Stan’s eyes rolling back to his head from across campus. Richie hoped for the briefest moment that maybe Eddie would find it funny instead of terribly embarrassing, and for a second he thought he succeeded. Except Eddie’s laughter was punctuated with a solid, “That was so bad. Holy crap. Are you always this shit at asking guys out?”

Richie’s mouth ran dry. There was an old fear here, buried under the pride pins he’d bought the day he left his buckfuck hometown, and he waited for Eddie to throw it back in his face. As if he was gay. As if he’d be interested. 

Instead, Eddie’s smile faltered into worry when Richie didn’t reply. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to assume -”

“I just broke up with my boyfriend,” Richie blurted over Eddie’s fumbled apology. Eddie stared at him for a handful of painful seconds, before visibly shaking himself and reaching out to touch Richie’s hand. Richie met him halfway, palm upturned to Eddie’s soft fingertips.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie said, tracing Richie’s heart line, “but I’m also super fucking glad you’re single and into dudes, so I guess I’m not sorry?” 

Richie chuckled weakly. “Apology not accepted, then?” He closed his hand around Eddie’s and squeezed. “Um, not to be like, aggressively forward or anything, but do you wanna go out for coffee some time?”

Eddie raised an eyebrow - exactly one, like a goddamn magician, and Richie’s heart gave another nervous flutter. “We are out for coffee,” he said. “But dinner sounds nice.”

“Oh. Yeah. That’s - ha. Yeah. Right.” Richie scratched the back of his neck with his free hand. “I’ll, uh, message you? Or you’ll message me? Or -”

“Richie,” Eddie said, pushing both his legs onto the seat of his chair to lean closer. “Shut the fuck up.” And then - Richie knew his face was on fire, everything was, the world was a fucking fireworks show, because Eddie was pressing a light, chaste kiss to his cheek. Richie froze, his hands and lips and chest pulling him in ten different directions at once, and watched wordlessly as Eddie pulled back and patted the very same cheek he’d just kissed. 

“You’re cute when you’re flustered,” Eddie said. He turned to gather his books and slipped them into a backpack while Richie sat still and processed what the hell had just happened. Eddie stood and shot him an amused look. “See you later, Rich.”

And without any flair or consideration for Richie’s incredibly unstable heart, he pushed open the door and left the café.

Richie couldn’t move for at least five minutes. His skin, flushed and prickling, was still electric from Eddie’s touch, from his lips soft against Richie’s day-old stubble, from his sparkling laughter and razor sharp tongue. He got tangled in thoughts of listening to Eddie, watching his staccato movements, kissing the premature lines from his forehead and replacing them with smile lines, seeing those goddamn dimples -

His phone vibrated. If you’re not dead, you can come back. Mike bought Ben & Jerry’s, Stan had written, perfunctory as always. Richie ran a shaky hand through his hair and started to type, laughing under his breath: dude, you’ll never believe what just happened...

[flipmeforward]

fic: I’d marry you with paper rings (Nando/Quinn, NC-17)

Man, I don’t even know. I’m maybe writing a fic that’s forced slow burn, and I needed to write something light and easy. Mel’s Cricket Series has brought me so much joy and happiness during this weird and crappy spring, and when I read this post, I was like, yes, let’s write my obligatory crossdressing fic that i apparently write for every ship i ever write for, and this thing just ... happened. 

@poindextears​, thank you for letting me take your characters and have my wicked way with them. Also, I’m sorry. 

Here’s this thing on ao3. 

Nando would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little bit worried about the way Quinn has been behaving today. He’s not sure anyone else has picked up on it, but then again, no one else spends as much time as close to Quinn as Nando does. He doesn’t really know how to explain it, but if he had to, he thinks he’d describe Quinn as skittish today. He hasn’t shied away from Nando’s touch, really, but he has tensed up slightly every time Nando’s hand has reached below, like, shoulder level. It’s weird, Nando doesn’t like it.

Something about the check in at the hotel is taking longer than usual. Everyone else has already been sent off to their rooms, but Quinn is still talking with the guy behind the desk. He has to stand on his toes to properly reach up and it probably shouldn’t be as adorable as it is, but it’s not like Nando makes the rules. His boyfriend is adorable, that’s just the way it is. And, finally, his boyfriend is done being Team Manager. Nando sincerely hopes everyone will behave tonight, so he can have Quinn as his Boyfriend until they wake up tomorrow. He grabs their bags and starts heading along the corridor everyone else had gone into, but Quinn’s voice stops him.

“Sebastián. This way.” Nando turns around, and Quinn is standing by another corridor, reaching out a hand. Nando is confused, but where Quinn goes, he follows, so he walks over and takes his hand.

“Where are we going?” he asks as they head down the corridor towards an elevator.

“To our room, of course,” Quinn says, then starts humming a song Nando doesn’t recognize. Nando sighs, but he doesn’t ask any more questions. He’s learned a lot during his almost-four years at Samwell, and one of those things is when it’s just completely useless to try to get Quinn to talk when he doesn’t want to.

They take the elevator to the fourth floor, then Quinn leads them through corridors and around corners. There is no way Nando will be able to find his way out of here alone. He squeezes Quinn’s hand. Good thing he won’t have to.

Finally, Quinn stops in front of a door at the end of a hallway and taps the keycard against the lock. The door beeps, lets them in, and Nando barely has time to drop their bags on the floor before Quinn is on him, kissing him like they’ve been apart for weeks. Nando responds in kind, but he barely has time to put his hands on Quinn’s waist before Quinn pulls away.

“I’m going to take a shower,” he says. Nando looks at him, surprised. He doesn’t bother pointing out that it’s pretty useless to take a shower before they have sex, because Quinn knows that as well as he does. But, if Quinn is taking a shower now, that might mean he’s not up for sex, but that’s also weird, because between the two of them, Nando is usually the one who begs off. Not that it happens often (because hello), but when it does, it’s usually Nando.

That doesn’t mean he won’t respect Quinn’s wishes, though, of course he won’t try to talk Quinn into having sex with him. “Okay,” he says, and if he wasn’t already pressed against the door, he would take a step back. Instead, he shoves his hands into his pockets. Quinn reaches up to press a kiss to his jaw, then grabs his bag and locks himself in the bathroom. Nando stands by the door for a few seconds, confused by what just happened, before he grabs his own bag and moves further into the room.

There’s a double bed, which is standard for the two of them nowadays (Nando loves that he’s dating the team manager), a desk, a tv. Standard room. He drops his bag and starts to pull off his clothes, preparing for bed. It’s quick work, then he grabs the tv remote from the desk and lies down on the bed. He kicks the bedspread down and then starts to channel surf, with the sound of Quinn’s shower in the background.

A few minutes later, he hears Quinn coming out of the bathroom. Nando moves to grab his toiletry bag, his attention mostly on the tv, but he flicks one glance at Quinn and freezes.

“Uhm,” Nando says, then swallows. Quinn, his outrageously hot boyfriend, the love of his life, is standing in front of him wearing nothing but a sweatshirt. Nando’s sweatshirt. It’s a navy blue soft-washed thing that Nando barely recognizes, he hasn’t used it in a long while, which means Quinn probably dug through his closet to get it. Nando doesn’t mind, especially when this is the result. The sweatshirt is too big on Quinn, it reaches halfway down his thighs and the arms have been folded up to show his hands. At the neck, the opening is wide and shows Quinn’s collar bone. His hair is ruffled in the way he only allows it to be immediately after a shower, and Nando is going to explode with how much he loves Quinn. Also, he’s going to have to jerk off in the bathroom, because Quinn looking like this does things to Nando.

He takes a breath to steady himself and then stands up. His erection is showing and he knows it, but at least he no longer feels guilty at being turned on by the sight of his boyfriend looking like a wet dream.

“Get back on the bed,” Quinn says in a no bullshit voice. Nando is used to it by now.

“Baby, I just need to—”

“Sebastián. Get back. On the bed,” Quinn repeats, much sharper, and Nando’s dick twitches. He gets back on the bed.

“Are we gonna have sex?” he asks, because he needs to know. Quinn kneels on the bed and stares at him.

“Of course we’re going to have sex,” he says. “Did you think we weren’t?”

Nando shrugs. “I mean ...” he waves a hand towards the bathroom. Quinn rolls his eyes and crawls towards him.

“You’re an idiot,” he says, but the tone of his voice makes it sound like I love you.

Nando settles back on the bed and drags Quinn towards him, onto his lap. “I’m your idiot, though,” he says, wrapping his arms around Quinn’s waist and pressing his face into the curve of Quinn’s neck. He smells like soap, and his skin is still slightly damp from the shower, and Nando loves him so much. “I love you,” he says, because he needs to. He doesn’t need to see Quinn’s face to know he’s smiling.

“I love you, too,” Quinn says, and then he grinds down on Nando’s lap, reminding him that while his boyfriend is the sweetest man he’s ever met, he’s also a sexual deviant who’s going to break Nando one of these days, honestly. “Not having sex,” Quinn continues under his breath as he settles into a much-too slow rhythm. “As if. I even flirted with the reception staff to get us a room without anyone next door.”

“Baby,” Nando groans, equal parts impressed and jealous. Given the chance, Quinn is loud during sex, and between the Haus and Quinn’s dorm, there aren’t many chances. They didn’t even realize just how much being loud was a thing until this past summer, when they’d spent hours in Nando’s childhood bed, both sisters and Mama out of the house. Nando’s dick twitches just at the thought of Quinn not having to hold back anything tonight. If he’d had any lingering tiredness in him after the game, it’s fully and thoroughly gone by now.

He slides his hands from Quinn’s waist, down under the sweatshirt to grab his ass, but stops when his fingers don’t meet the soft cotton or bare skin he’s expecting. He lifts the hem of the shirt to get a look and holy fucking fuck Nando is going to die, and when his Mama finds out the cause of death she’s going to revive him only to kill him again, but it will be worth it.

Quinn, his beautiful, sexy, adorable Quinn, is sitting on his lap, draped in Nando’s sweater, and lace panties. They’re a dark, rich purple, contrasting beautifully to Quinn’s winter pale skin, and Nando doesn’t know what to do. He wants to look at Quinn forever but he also wants to put his hands and his mouth all over him and worship him. Also fuck him.

“Is this—okay?” Quinn asks, suddenly unsure when Nando is having a minor breakdown. It makes Nando pull himself together, a little bit, enough to realize that there is no way he can let Quinn be even the tiniest bit unsure if Nando likes this or not. He moves his hands up to cup Quinn’s face and kisses him, trying to put everything into it. They usually discuss it at least twice before they bring anything new into bed, but Quinn hasn’t said a word about this, so Nando gets why he’s worried, but Nando also has absolutely no complaints whatsoever. And it’s not like it’s a completely new thing, Nando hasn’t exactly been discreet when they prep for Rhodey’s shows, but they still haven’t discussed it, not in this context. So yeah, Nando gets why Quinn might be worried, so he really, really tries to convey with his kiss how much he absolutely doesn’t mind, how much he loves it, how turned on he is just by the short glimpse he caught. Which—Nando should do something about that. He needs to see.

“Wha—Sebastián!” Quinn yelps as Nando grabs him at the waist again and flips him over, onto his back. He straddles Quinn’s thighs and pushes the sweatshirt halfway up his stomach, and then he just—looks. It’s maybe the best thing Nando has seen in his entire life. Quinn is hard, and some part of Nando will probably never get over the fact that he brings out this reaction in Quinn.

Nando drags a hand down Quinn’s stomach, lets his fingers ghost feather light over Quinn’s cock, over the lace.

“Say something,” Quinn says finally, and Nando realizes that he hasn’t, in fact, said anything for several minutes.

“Oh my god,” he breathes, stroking his palm over Quinn’s cock, feeling it twitch against him. “Quinn, baby, you—you’re the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen,” Nando says, and Quinn blushes. “I love you so much,” he says, again, because he has to. He rubs harder against Quinn, and Quinn responds by arching up against his hand and letting his head fall back, exposing his neck. Nando leans forward and presses a kiss against the flushed skin, then opens his mouth and sucks a mark there. It’s winter, Quinn wears scarfs all the time anyway. Quinn moans, and Nando can’t help but preen a little. He is the cause of that moan.

Nando’s own dick is rock hard in his boxers, and he groans when his hips jerk down on their own accord, making him grind against Quinn’s thigh.

“What do you want, baby?” he asks, because seriously, Nando wants everything right now, he can’t decide, Quinn’s going to have to call the shots here. Quinn’s hands clench where he’s gripping Nando’s sides, and he draws in a sharp breath.

“You—your mouth, please,” Quinn says, almost whines.

“Yeah?” Nando works his way up Quinn’s neck with kisses, then finally reaches his mouth and kisses him properly. “You want me to suck you off?”

“Yes, fuck,” Quinn breathes out against Nando’s mouth, and okay, if Quinn’s already cursing, this won’t take long.

Well. It won’t take long the first time.

Nando kisses Quinn for another couple of seconds before he tears himself away and crawls down the bed again. Quinn is still wearing the sweatshirt, and Nando is in no hurry to take it off him, he loves seeing Quinn in his clothes.

He also loves seeing Quinn in lace panties, which was not something Nando expected to learn about himself, but he’s not sorry at all about that revelation. Quinn’s cock is straining against the purple lace, and it must be a boy model, because there seems to be more room for that than what Nando would’ve expected. He wonders if Quinn bought them the last time he was in Boston, or if he ordered them online, if he has more, and which colors, and—God, Nando is about to die.

He knows they will talk about this, later, so for now, he just bends down and presses a soft kiss to the tip of Quinn’s cock. Quinn draws a sharp breath, and when Nando glances to the side, he sees that his hands are gripping the sheets. Nando would absolutely love to drag this out for hours, but he’s too turned on, Quinn is too turned on, they actually need to sleep at some point, so in what should be considered an act of mercy, Nando pulls the front of the panties down enough to get Quinn’s cock out, then takes half of it in his mouth in one go.

“Fuck,” Quinn shouts, as if it’s been punched out of him. This is why they take advantage of hotel rooms.

Nando smiles, sinks further down, takes more of him in his mouth. After three years, he likes to consider himself an expert on sucking (Quinn’s) cock, and he really, really likes doing it. He loves the feeling of Quinn’s cock in his mouth, loves that he can render Quinn into this whimpering mess with just his mouth, loves that he can glance up and watch his reaction, loves when Quinn sometimes tangles his fingers in Nando’s curls and presses him down, never forcefully, but enough that Nando gets the hint. He even likes the taste, which wasn’t something he expected, but sure does make things a lot easier.

He likes it even more when Quinn is not fresh from the shower, like when they meet up after Quinn has had an intensive dance rehearsal. He hasn’t dared to say that out loud yet, though.

When Nando pulls off to breathe, Quinn whines. It’s such a difference from his normal, composed self, and Nando feels privileged that he gets to see it, gets to draw it out of him. He has to reach down and stroke himself a couple of times, just to take the worst of the edge off, and for the briefest of moments, he’s tempted to just kneel and jerk off until he comes all over Quinn. It passes when he takes Quinn’s cock back in his mouth. He swallows around him, takes more of him, and Quinn groans.

“Fuck, you’re so good at this,” Quinn pants, and Nando smiles around him. He slides his hands down Quinn’s thighs, grabs him behind the knees and pulls his legs up to rest on Nando’s shoulders. It gives him better access to grab Quinn’s ass, to run his palms over the lace there, and Quinn moans, jerks his hips up to fuck into Nando’s mouth.

It takes just another few seconds of enthusiastic sucking from Nando before Quinn’s hand settles on his neck, a sure sign that he’s close. Nando sucks harder, runs his tongue up the length, squeezes Quinn’s ass again, and that’s enough. Quinn grabs his neck harder, a warning, and Nando has no plans to pull off but appreciates it anyway, swallows easily as Quinn comes in his mouth, all while Quinn keeps up a steady stream of fuck and oh god.

He pulls off when Quinn tugs at the curls at the back of his neck and looks up to grin at him. He presses a kiss to the inside of Quinn’s thigh before he crawls up again, hovering over Quinn, covering him, as he bends down to kiss him.

Quinn kisses him back lazily, licks into his mouth, licks the taste of himself out of Nando’s mouth, and it probably shouldn’t be as hot as it is.

They stay like that for a while, but despite Nando’s fairly rigorous training routine, he still can’t hold himself up on his arms like this for long. He swings one leg over Quinn so he can kneel beside him, kisses Quinn one more time, then gets off the bed to grab the lube.

During their first spring together, when they started getting intimate, they’d gone to the student health center for STI testing. They’d both been clean, not that Nando hadn’t expected anything else, but his Mama didn’t raise no fool. They still use condoms sometimes, because cleanup is easier, but after some experimenting, they’d found they both enjoy the sloppy, filthy part of it. So Nando grabs the lube, no condom, and gets back on the bed.

“Flip over,” he says and takes off his underwear, Quinn doesn’t obey, instead he kneels on the bed and brings his arms up around Nando’s neck and angles his face up to kiss him. Nando wraps his arms around him and drags him closer, settles one hand on his ass and cups Quinn’s head with the other.

Quinn’s crotch rubs against Nando’s thigh, and his dick is still hanging out. It looks a tiny bit silly, but feels incredibly sexy, and Nando is so, so glad that multiple orgasms come easy for his boyfriend. It allows for situations like these, where he can suck him off and then fuck him, and it’s—amazing.

Nando moves his hand a little, puts his fingers against the crack of Quinn’s ass, presses gently against the lace, and—He draws a sharp breath and looks down at Quinn.

“Baby,” he says, unsure, and Quinn’s shy smile is answer enough. Nando is going to die. “Did you—Have you—All day?” Nando asks, incapable of complete sentences. Quinn nods. Him shying away from Nando’s touches all day suddenly makes sense. Nando quickly thinks through what they’ve been doing today and groans, then presses harder against the base of the plug that Quinn has had in his ass all fucking day. Through breakfast, the bus ride, the game, everything.

“How are you even real?” Nando asks and moves his hands so they’re inside the panties instead. He doesn’t allow Quinn to answer, kisses him instead, grabs the base of the plug and twists it.

Nando is ... well equipped. Quinn loves it, so it’s not an issue or anything, but it does require some preparation. Butt plugs aren’t a new thing for them, and Quinn has worn them for a longer period before, but during those times, they’ve both been in on it, and it’s been low-stakes situations like just hanging around campus or maybe during a home game. He’s never had one in for this long, in secret, while just going around his business.

“Sebastián,” Quinn moans, getting impatient. “Please, just—”

“Okay, baby,” Nando murmurs, pressing another kiss to his lips before looking over Quinn’s shoulder, down his back, to where his hands are straining against the lace, pressed against Quinn’s ass. “God,” Nando breathes. He pulls down the waistband of the panties, settling it just below the curve of Quinn’s ass. When Quinn makes a motion as if to pull them off, Nando grips his ass harder. “No,” he says. “Leave them on.”

Quinn gives him a dirty smile, as if he isn’t the one wearing lingerie. Nando smacks his ass, once, and Quinn gasps and goes absolutely still. They rarely do that, because Nando isn’t really a fan, but Quinn loves it. Nando takes advantage of Quinn’s stillness to reach for the lube, then sucks another mark on his neck as he gives him another smack.

“Fuck,” Quinn moans, pressing against him, trying to get impossibly closer. “Baby, please.”

Nando presses soothing kisses against the mark he just made, simultaneously uncapping the lube and coating the fingers on one hand. With the other, he gently drags the plug out of Quinn’s ass. Quinn moans, and Nando kisses him, swallows the sound, even though he doesn’t really have to, here, in this room. He presses two fingers in, easily thanks to the plug, and god, Nando hopes he never gets used to this, never takes this for granted.

He adds another finger, and it’s only thanks to the fact that he’s so much bigger than Quinn that this position is even possible. He can’t actually fuck him in this position, though. Nando pushes Quinn away, gently, but can’t decide which way he wants him. Quinn on his back means he can keep the panties on, but Nando sort of wants to see his face.

Quinn, as always, seems to read the dilemma on his face. “I can wear them again,” he says, gently, as if that statement doesn’t break Nando’s brain. At least it helps him make up his mind.

“On your back,” he says, and Quinn grins at him as he obeys. He finally gets to take his underwear off, throws them carelessly onto the floor, spreads his legs.

Nando grabs the bottle of lube and moves to kneel between Quinn’s legs, again. It’s definitely one of his favorite places in the world. He lubes his dick, quickly, adds more lube to his fingers to press into Quinn with a couple of fast pumps. Lining up his cock with Quinn’s hole, he meets Quinn’s gaze, raises an eyebrow in silent question and gets a nod in return. Nando starts to push in, slowly. This part is always the hardest (hah), because there’s no getting around that Nando is big and Quinn is small and no matter how many times they do this, it’s not like his ass will stretch. Not that Nando would want it to, because this feels so good, but it wouldn’t exactly hurt if they could do it a little bit faster sometimes.

A minute later, Nando is fully inside of Quinn, and leans down to kiss him. He pauses there, waits patiently until Quinn moves his hips a little, fucking himself onto Nando’s cock. That’s when Nando moves back to kneeling between his legs, carefully pulling out almost all the way before pushing in again.

Quinn is still wearing the fucking sweatshirt, and if Nando’s brain wasn’t already broken, it would definitely break at the sight of him like this, with his head thrown back, throat exposed, one hand around his cock and the other clenched in the sheets until Nando reaches for it and tangles their fingers together. It’s such a soft gesture, feels at odds with what they’re currently doing, but it also feels right.

Little by little, Nando increases his pace, until he has to let go of Quinn’s hand and grab his hips to keep them steady. Quinn has his legs wrapped around Nando’s waist, his heels digging into Nando’s ass, and it’s—perfect. It’s perfect, perfect, perfect, Nando is so happy, lucky, turned on, in love, he’s going to explode.

He slips during a thrust, just a little, but enough to change the angle, and Quinn’s responding moan is obscenely loud.

“Fuck, oh my god, honey, god, keep—there, please,” he moans, begs, and Nando does his best to keep fucking him from the slightly different angle. He’s close, he has been close since Quinn got out of the bathroom dressed like that, and it’s not going to take a lot more for him to—

“Quinn, baby, I’m—,” he stutters, past being able to make sense, but Quinn gets it, of course he gets it. He clenches around Nando’s cock, jerks himself faster, brings his other hand down to stroke his balls. His fingertips brush against Nando’s dick and it’s like his fingers are made of electricity, the tiny touch sparks something deep inside of Nando and he just, it feels like he just combusts from within.

Nando is pretty sure his brain leaves him for a moment, because when he comes back to himself, he’s laying on top of Quinn, his face pressed against Quinn’s neck, his cock still inside him, and his breaths coming in heaving gasps. “Fucking hell,” he pants, and feels more than hears Quinn’s responding weak chuckle. He feels Quinn’s heavy breaths, feels his come sticking to his stomach and seeping into the sweater, feels the satisfaction that settles on both of them.

Quinn drags his hands out from between them and settles them on Nando’s back instead, and Nando doesn’t care that they’re sticky, he needs a shower anyway. Quinn does, too.

“I love you,” Nando says, turning his head to kiss Quinn, slow and indulgent, before he kneels up again to pull out.

“I, ah, I love you, too,” Quinn replies, grimacing a little.

“Sorry,” Nando whispers, but Quinn just smiles back at him. It’s par for the course, and it’s worth it.

Nando lies down beside Quinn and wraps an arm around him, pulling him close. “Thank you,” he says, pressing a kiss to Quinn’s mouth, then another.

“For what?”

Nando shrugs. “For getting us this room. For being awesome. For ...” He trails off, glances quickly towards where Quinn threw the panties earlier, and Quinn grins, understanding.

“I take it you like them?” he says, aiming for innocence and failing completely.

“I love them. I love you,” Nando says, and he doesn’t even know how many times he’s said it tonight, but it can’t be too many because there’s no such thing. He grabs Quinn and rearranges them until Quinn is laying on top of him. Nando strokes his back through the sweater, slowly moves his hand further down until he’s cupping Quinn’s ass. He presses his fingers gently against Quinn’s hole, sticky with lube and Nando’s come, and can’t help but smile when Quinn hisses.

“Sebastián. I’m too tired,” he says, and Nando kisses the part of him closest to his mouth, which happens to be the top of Quinn’s ear.

“I know,” he says. He isn’t aiming for a third round, he just can never help himself with this, dreams of a day when he gets to just lay Quinn out on a bed and see how many orgasms he can give him, what Quinn will sound like at the end, how he will look, and okay, Nando needs to stop right now before he does want a third round. “I can’t wait until we get to do this every day,” he says, a smile on his face like there always is when he thinks about them living together.

“Every day?” Quinn replies, and Nando hears his smirk. “Sounds optimistic.”

“Oh shut up,” Nando says, pressing two fingers inside of Quinn just to spite him. “You know it will happen, at least in the beginning.”

“True,” Quinn concedes, obviously torn between tearing himself away from Nando’s teasing and just giving into it. Nando makes the decision for him, because they do really have to sleep. He drags his fingers out, wipes them on the sweater and then gently pushes Quinn off of him.

“I need to shower,” he says, stepping down onto the floor and holding out a hand to Quinn. “Wanna join?”

“Why yes, Mr Hernandez,” Quinn says, taking his hand. “I’d love to.”

Nando loves him so fucking much.

[hquirks]

Karasuno & College AU Pt. 1

School: Karasuno

Genre: headcanons, fluff, crack, slice of life 

Warnings: mental health breakdowns 

A/N: This is a Haikyuu!! Headcanon where the Karasuno first years attend the same college and experience their first semester. This is written under the assumption that they attend a Japanese college that follows an American college system. Lastly, most of these headcanons were based on our own personal experiences in college and from our friends.

Disclaimer: This is very...long LMAO. We’ve been working on this for the past 2 weeks on and off. We just had a lot of feelings but we had so much fun! We’re sorry but we hope you enjoy!!

By: Noodle ✨, BananaMilk 🐯, & FriedOmurice 🌊

HINATA SHOYO

Sports Communication Major

Gets scouted by a university’s volleyball team for either middle blocker/winged spiker

Procrastinates so HARD like does his essay that’s due at 8 am the night before. He PASSES his classes especially the ones for his major and what he is randomly interested in but he is still a mess when it comes to studying.

Though Hinata would be the person you see openly crying out of sadness and doom at 1am in the library

While he has gotten better in taking care of his body, however like any college student, he lives on redbull and coffee especially during finals. 

Tries to not pull all nighters but will due to his procrastination and inability to get work done efficiently

Lives in the same dorm building as Kageyama but on different floors. They burst into each other’s rooms unannounced all the time since they’ve established long ago that they are best friends and do not give a fuck. They banter with each other 24/7 (their respective roommates have grown immune to their loudness and bickering.)

Hinata’s roommate is Inouka from Nekoma!! They both get along really well and are able to live well together so they stay roommates the rest of the years in college. Hinata is a little messier than Inuoka but he keeps his messes to his side that Inuoka never minds.

Their apartment is super wholesome bc since they’re always encouraging each other, they leave little notes like “You got this!!”, “Good luck on your exam!” or “You’re amazing and awesome! Don’t forget it!” Also, the apartment just looks really homey, very lived in.

He becomes kinda popular at school because he just ends up befriending all his classmates (and is even closer to the people in his major) and also because of being on the volleyball team!! Hinata gets recognized everywhere even when he’s off campus and everyone says hi to him, and he never minds.

As a freshman, he attends all of the freshman events and all the free events that happen every day Friday!!!! His favorite Friday event is when they get to stuff an animal (either their school mascot or another animal) and are able to dress it up and keep it! (His favorite is an owl dressed like a volleyball player that he named Little Giant)

Tries to get involved with other clubs but because of volleyball and his inability to juggle more than 3 things, he doesn’t (but still ends up becoming friends with the people in the club bc they think he’s so friendly and fun)

Ends up going to a lot of events held by the clubs he’s befriended! He kinda of becomes a recruiter for the clubs because if he finds someone who talks about an interest, he recommends them one of the clubs. (The clubs are forever grateful because they always get an influx of people during fall semester every year.)

His first semester grades consists of:

- The Coming of Individuality (mandatory freshman course): C+ - Japanese Literature: C - Sports Media and Society: B - Principles of Sports Reporting: A - Biology 1: C-

Hinata has a breakdown about his grades because he does not want to lose his starting spot on the volleyball team. However, he improves much more due to the help of his friends like Yachi and Inuoka the next semester.

KAGEYAMA TOBIO

Sports therapy

Also gets scouted as a setter by the same university as Hinata

Since Hinata is adamant about attending all the freshman events and free events the campus offers every Friday, he eventually gets pulled into going with Hinata even though he doesn’t want to. 

Thanks to Karasuno and Hinata, he has softened over the years and has learned to be more sociable with others, but he still prefers to hang out with the first years squad and is still a quiet person. 

In their first dorm year, Kunimi and Kindaichi were planning to room together & they were looking for a third roommate, and Kageyama was assigned to their room

They eventually grow mutual respect towards each other

His grades are better than when he was in high school because he actually likes his classes, but he still sucks at general education subjects

He lives on coffee and 5 hour energies to get through finals. He has to cut down on the 5 hour energies because he ends up not sleeping for 3 days straight and he starts to get worried.

Kageyama eventually caves in and tries to join other clubs that do not revolve around volleyball thanks to his friends. Somehow, and the first year squad is still confused as to how, he grew to love the cooking club and he gets really excited whenever they’re trying out a new dish! (He also thinks that as an athlete knowing how to cook and take care of his body is crucial). 

One day when they’re hanging out at Yamaguchi and Tsukki’s apartment, he cooks for them a recipe he learned from the club. The others are really apprehensive at first to taste it, but are genuinely so surprised that it actually tasted REALLY good and immediately start showering him compliments and yelling. Kageyama’s brain goes mush and all he can say is HINATA BOKE(Hinata: WHAT??? I was complimenting you and I wasn’t the only one, Bakageyama!!) 

Besides going on his daily runs, he will also find time to go to the gym early in the mornings. He brings Hinata along with him and they just end up competing at the gym. They become regulars and befriend the front desk people and the security guards.

Because of how popular and good-looking he is, he ends up developing a fan club but doesn’t know about it until one day Tsukki points it out. It’s right after midterms in their 1st year and all five are out to eat. Tsukki’s gets annoyed because there’s just been a hoard of girls (& guys) following them in the restaurant.

Tsukki: can you tell your fanclub to leave us alone?

Kags: ...my what???

Tsukki, unimpressed but not surprised:....

Hinata points out that he has a fanclub like the Great King and Kageyama just blanches...he wants to be like Oikawa but not like this LMFAO

Kageyama’s first semester grades:

- The Coming of Individuality (mandatory freshman course): C+ - Principles of sports therapy A+ - General Japanese 1 C- - Calculus 1 B+ - Ethical Issues in Sport A-

TSUKISHIMA KEI

World History major (Honors Program)

Very orderly with his course plans (LEARNING CURVE WHO??)

The guy who plans his week ahead and actually diligently studies. Since Tsukki is BUSY all the time in college, his planner is DETAILED and NEAT. He carries it with him all the time in his backpack or pocket since it is so small and portable. If needed whenever his plans do change, he would carry small sticky notes to plan it out on the spot and make sure everything goes smoothly still. Plus he hates it when it looks messy so sticky notes are a must.

Doesn’t usually go to events on his own willpower. He usually gets dragged into events by his upperclassmen (Kuroo and Bokuto) or Yamaguchi begs to go with him because he doesn’t want to go alone. 

Enjoys going to the college’s on-campus museums during his spare time. He visits seasonally since the museums change up one exhibit every few month dedicated to a certain event or artist. His favorite is the art museum because it’s quiet and calming. (Also, he’s undisturbed by the others...)

Doesn’t want to be the group manager but becomes one anyway because he just can’t watch others “ruin” his grade. 

Has some university credits already from his AP classes / dual enrollment so he’s already finished with some general education requirements but still needs a few more. 

He can actually graduate a semester early BUT decides against it because his apartment lease goes through the next semester and doesn’t want to be bothered with finding someone else to take his spot. (He won’t admit it but he would kinda sorta miss the 4 idiots...)

Sometimes he forgets to eat (Yamaguchi usually reminds him plus they end up going to lunch together too). Often buys starbucks sandwiches on the way to class.

He has his own starbucks cup. He always drinks the same thing, so the workers remember his face and order. Sometimes they make his order ahead of time because they know. Loves their chocolate croissants. 

That bitch who drinks BLACK coffee every morning for enjoyment!!! He also drinks espresso for necessity during finals

Arrives to class early so he can get the really nice seat in the back and doesn’t want to sit next to anyone

In class discussions, Tsukki is a classic smartass. He will not hesitate to give out his opinion and often plays devil's advocate for the class.

He doesn’t join the school official volleyball team, but joins the volleyball club instead because he has to juggle between being in the honors program, being a research assistant, and playing volleyball

Doesn’t want to admit it, but still supports the boys at the official volleyball team. Goes to almost every game in disguise.

Tsukki’s first semester grades:

- The Coming of Individuality (mandatory freshman course): A- - European History and Culture A+ - History Research Seminar: A+ - Crime and Punishment in Japanese History: A+ - Empires, Nationalism, and Revolution: A+ 

Won’t say it, but is actually pretty upset that he got a A- in Coming of Individuality

YAMAGUCHI TADASHI

He majors in psychology and minors in business administration. 

Knows where all the university gardens are and has a favorite spot when he studies sometimes if he wants some fresh air.

In continuation, he knows and goes to all the nice trails and parks around the city. He tries to go when he cans and he often brings the other first years when they all have the time. (Everyone except Tsukki enjoys it...but Tsukki grows to love it as well.)

Yamaguchi and Yachi go together to pet the therapy dogs every Friday by the library and cry from the cuteness and love they receive. They have a favorite dog that is a shiba inu named Mizu who is the ABSOLUTE sweets and gets so many belly rubs from these two.

Yamaguchi works at a boba place to cover his loans. The first-year squad comes over often to study and hang out with him (really though they tease/play around with him). He is a STAR employee, having been there most of his 4 years and is employee of the month frequently. Knows the regulars’ orders by heart and is doted on the little old lady who comes in with her dog every Sunday morning.

He LOVES all the good food. He knows all the low key, hole-in-the-wall places that DELIVER on food. His favorite food is teriyaki chicken. It’s basic but also HAS to be quality chicken and chicken.

When Yamaguchi wants to cry from the stress of doing SOOOOOO MUCH (school, job, research assistant, and psychology club), he goes to the psychology building because it’s colder and has fewer people. He discovered a spot there that no one ever goes to and cries there. 

He actually found his mentor/ researcher boss who was a psychology professor and researcher who saw him one day and asked if he was okay.

He joins the psychology club and gets so involved!! He does the mentor/mentee program and because he loves helping people so much, he ends up having so many mentees and even adopting a few who get abandoned

Even though he’s already busy, he actually becomes secretary this 2nd year, VP 3rd year, and then president his last year!

Yamaguchi does NOT do coffee, but he loves tea and anything relating to tea. His favorite boba flavor is matcha green tea. 

Because of this, he becomes obsessed with matcha in general and will get matcha flavored anything

Yamaguchi and Tsukki are roomies (duh). People don’t get why they live together with their opposite personalities, but they eventually see why 

Yamaguchi first semester grades: 

- Psychology of Personality: A+ - The Coming of Individuality (mandatory freshman course): A- - Social Psychology: A+ - Introduction to Statistics 1: B- - Introduction to Finance: B

Has always been a good student and works hard for his grades but his first semester grades suffer a little(freaks out about his B’s) because of all the stuff he has on his plate, however, he learns to handle it better and understands that a B is still okay!! 

YACHI HITOKA

Graphic Design Major

Binge-buys Shein and YesStyle Clothes the first week

This QUEEN has taken every self defense lesson she could get her hands on and bought herself pepper spray as well. Even though the boys felt they were fine, she gave them pepper spray to put in their bags(practically shoved it in their bags because she wants them to be safe too)

She gets a lot of compliments for her cat keychain from others, but none of them really know that the keychain can be used for self defense and Yachi bought it because it was cute and effective. 

Her campus has a building for all of the student life and activities and there’s a small bowling alley. Lemme tell you, she’s a serious bowler; like her scores are always in the triple digits. She goes every Wednesday religiously all four years (except during midterms and finals week) because it’s half priced.

OFC she joins the bowling club and competes throughout her college years. Y’all already know she’s winning the medals. 

THE QUEEN OF SAVING MONEY AND COUPONING!! She will always snag the free, semesterly coupon book in the plaza when they give them out. She ends up grabbing 4 (2 for her and 2 for her roommate)

Yachi LOVES sweets so when she’s feeling stressed, she usually eats sweet things or cries and if she’s REALLY stressed she’ll do both. Her best friends are her tears, a tub of chocolate ice cream, and videos of animals(cats, dogs, pandas mostly but cats are her fav mostly) plus tiny food cooking to make her feel better.

In clubs that she joins, she often becomes the multimedia chair and everyone loves her designs and ideas!! 

She interns during her 3rd year as a local business where they use her design as the new logo for the company!! Because of how well the design was, she ends up catching the eye of a major company (one she’s been looking at for a while) and they offer her a job after graduation!!

The boys are super proud of her and surprise her with a congratulations party for her success!! The boys are tearing up at how much Yachi has grown as a person(imagine Kiyoko when she presented Karasuno with the team flag and all the second and third year boys CRIED. That’s what happens basically) 

Yachi’s first semester grades: 

- The Coming of Individuality (mandatory freshman course): A+ - Perceptual drawing: A+ - Typography: A+ - Principles of Art History 1:B+ - Introduction to Statistics: A+ 

Yachi is SMART and has great grades, but her anxiety affects her when she’s dealing with big projects for her classes. She eventually gets better every semester and learns to manage her anxiety when it comes to big assignments! Bottom line, she evolves to be a BOSS. 

FIRST YEARS’ SHENANIGANS (FIRST YEARS)

Coming of Individuality: freshman required course

- Hinata, Yachi, and Yamaguchi agree to be in the same class Hinata convinces Kageyama to take the course with him

- Yamaguchi asks Tsukki to take the course with him and Yachi, which he agrees, but Tsukki doesn’t know that Hinata and Kageyama are also there

Plants Drops!

- Every 3rd Thursday of the month, the gardening club has a plant drop where they give out plants for free in their campus’ plaza

- So, Yachi and Yamaguchi are the first ones to find out about it, and end up dragging the other 3 to go with them

- Tsukki thought he would hate it but he got this little cactus that he’s kept alive all four years and brings it with him when he graduates into his new apartment - Hinata tries to keep the plants alive but ends up forgetting about them so he has to opt for cacti only; though, he does end up keeping one plant alive for the rest of the semester but forgets about it when he goes home and leaves it in the dorm - Kageyama ends up keeping two plants alive, both little ferns, and names them banana and strawberry (his favorite milks) They still go every 3rd Thursday even if they have plants because it gives them an opportunity to see each other if they have been busy

Yamaguchi and Tsukki’s place

- The undisputed hangout place for the first year squad (Tsukki worries that Kags and Hinata will break something every time they come over) since it is so close to campus.  - They often come over in between classes to chill and eat their food in peace while watching Netflix or playing Mario Kart or Super Smash together.

MANDATED (Tsukki didn’t want this but the others wanted this to happen) first-year lunch hangout

- Every Friday at exactly 11:15am, the first-year squad would eat lunch together at a local food stand on their campus called Tikis to catch up for the week.  - They chose Friday because they tried all the other days and decided collectively that Fridays were the best.  - The food stand usually sells a variety of food (usually soul food) and switch it up every week but it has some of the BEST food on campus (& even the city) - Without a doubt, the first-year squad ALWAYS make sure to leave space for their mandated Tikis lunch when doing their schedules every semester. No excuses. 

[nyxdelanuit]

Beside You

This was a bit of a difficult request, since I didn’t know much about Awase to begin with. Thank you for the challenge, I hope you like it <3

It had been two weeks since the class trip had been abruptly canceled. Awase had heard the rumors that class 1-A had been attacked by villains at USJ, but he had chalked that up to an unfortunate one-time event. He had been wrong. Now here he sat, drenched in sweat in an unfamiliar, unforgiving room. He still hadn’t found the time or energy to make this room more livable, not when all his energy had been spent pulling himself from dreams of blue fire and smoke. Like he had come to expect, he had slept precious few hours. The adrenaline shooting through his body refused to let him lie down again, let alone sleep. He swore he could still feel the heat of the flames licking his body, still smell the acrid smoke constricting his throat and stinging his eyes.

Sweat rolled down his back, his throat tightened, and he felt the first scalding tear start to cascade down his cheek. He needed out of this constricting room, and fast. He thanked the stars that it was late, all of his classmates should be sound asleep in their dorm rooms. As quiet as he could, he crept down the stairs to the common area. Hopefully, the wide-open space would let him breathe. He skipped the last few steps and sharply turned the corner, slamming into a surprisingly solid chest.

“Awase? As a member of class 1-B, we need to show those stuck up 1-A students that we are their equals. This includes being aware of our surroundings at all times. We need to show those reprobates that we can exceed anything they can do, and we can not accomplish that without proper rest and…” Monoma held Awase the shoulders as he ranted. His eyes did not fall back to him after he recognized the welder, instead, falling into a bloodshot stare into the distance. It seems like he had been up half the night ranting about how to succeed over the other class again.

The cooling of the tears running down Awase’s face brought forth the rush of feelings that he was trying to keep under wraps. A stuttering sob ripped from his chest, still tight and unyielding. This one sound seemed to pull Monoma from his ranting faster than any jab or smack from Kendo. For the first time that night, Monoma actually looked at Awase.

“Are… are you okay?” Monoma rarely found himself lacking words, but the intense emotion he saw on Awase’s face made him falter.

“You fucking dumbass, no, I’m not. I almost died. Yaoyorozu almost died! I had to chase after that… that thing. I felt it’s skin under my fingers and I thought I was going to die.” Awase was vaguely aware that his breaths are coming faster. His head started to spin. He was almost grateful that Monoma hadn’t pulled his hands from his shoulders. “It had chainsaws! Multiple! I was being chased after a thing that had chainsaws for limbs! And you! You’re just focused on some inconsequential, imaginary, fucking childish rivalry that does. Not. Exist.” Awase cringed as he heard his voice becoming high pitched and breathy.

“Hey, hey, Awase. You’re fine. You think such a fine establishment such as UA would ever let harm fall to us, their precious pupils, on their own ground?” Monoma slid his arm across Awase’s shoulder, leading him to the door. He could see Awase’s panic written on his face. When Monoma felt like this, the fresh air always helped.

”I’m not fucking okay!” Awase keened, knees wobbling under him. Monoma nodded, guiding Awase out the door and to a near patch of grass.

“Okay, come on Awase. Sit right here.” He guided his classmate to the ground. Monoma fought to keep his anxiety under control as Awase’s breaths came in gasps. “Okay, good, now we need to get you breathing correctly. Can you follow my breaths?” Monoma was laser-focused on Awase’s face, and he saw the subtle shake of his head.

Monoma sat across from Awase, leaning over to put a hand softly on his shoulder. “That’s okay. Hey, don’t worry, I’m here.” Monoma waited a moment to see if Awase was getting any better before taking a shaky breath.

“Okay, Awase. I need you to tell me five things you see.” Awase looked up at him, mad confusion in his eyes. “Please, Awase.” He begged his friend to trust him.

“Oh… okay… I see grass. And… And dirt.” Awase started to count them off on his fingers, “and the dorms, the sidewalk.” He tipped his head back, gulping a lungful of air as tears fell towards his ears. “And stars.”

“Good job, that’s five. Can you tell me four things you can feel?” Monoma started softly rubbing circles into his shoulder. He was unsure as to what he was to do, it was usually Monoma in this position. Awase gathered his breath once more.

“I feel the cold ground. The wind. My heart beating.” Monoma watched as Awase’s face contorted silently. “I-I don’t know what else.” Awase’s breathing started picking up again, causing Monoma to rub circles harder into Awase’s shoulder.

“It’s okay! We can get back to that, it’s fine!” Monoma desperately tried to pacify him.

“Wait, your hand. I feel your hand.” Monoma had the urge to pull back, like Awase’s shoulder burned. But he persisted.

“Great! You’re doing so well. Now, what can you hear, three things.” Awase was no longer gulping the air like water, and Monoma was starting to feel like he was finally doing something right.

“I can hear the wind,” Awase strained to hear anything else in the quiet night. “And bugs chirping, and you, Monoma.” Awase still sounded like he was panting, but the tightness in his chest was receding.  

“Good, good, now two things you can smell.” This caused Awase to take a deep breath through his nose, coughing as he tried to breathe through the runny aftermath of his breakdown. Trying again, he took a deep breath in through his nose, exhaling softly through his mouth. Monoma smiled as he saw this start to even out Awase’s breathing.

“I smell the grass… and… I don’t know. It smells like summer.” Monoma just nodded, accepting his answer. Awase’s voice had returned to its normal timbre, lacking a bit of his normal bite.

“Good, one last one. One thing you taste.” Awase rubbed at his swelling eyes before once again looking at Monoma, confused.

“Morning breath.” Unable to stop himself, Monoma let a manic laugh escape him. The adrenaline of helping Awase down from his panic attack had left Monoma feeling a bit jittery.

Awase laughed softly with him, feeling a bit foolish now that he was thinking clearly. “How did you know how to do that?” He questioned softly. Monoma contemplated saying something like ‘that’s what heroes do!’ or ‘You should know it too if you want to help people,’ but he thought that maybe, just this once, it was okay to let Awase in on his secrets.

“I have panic attacks a lot. I have all these standards that I hold myself to, and I get worried that I’ll never reach them. That I won’t amount to anything but some sidelined sidekick.” Monoma’s eyes seemed unusually heavy all of a sudden. Awase understood, all at once, why Monoma was so harsh on 1-A. It wasn’t that he personally held anything against them, more so he held it against himself.

“Now, let’s get rid of that awful taste and have some tea.” Monoma quickly shook off whatever vulnerable moment they were having. He stood and waited for Awase to join him, offering an arm. Awase grinned and accepted his arm, pulling himself off the dewy grass. Monoma saw a flash of bright light from beside him and groaned.

“It’s much too early to be killing your brain cells on those games.” He whined. Awase chuckled, already tapping through the login screen of his favorite game. Monoma left him to collapse against a couch while he brewed tea for the two of them.

“I gotta get my fucking dailies done before everyone else gets up and slows down the wifi.” Monoma scoffed from the kitchen, a small smile stuck on his face.

[sunflwrvolume6]

someone lost, something gained [9]

on ao3 | wattpad

[previous] | [masterlist]

People pass by, to and from the building, and an ambulance screams into the bay around back. Birds land and fly away, crumbs clutched in their beaks like prize-winning meals. An undulating worm of cars inch down the block - red, black, silver, blue, blue, lime green, black... The cup slowly grows colder in her hands, but still Veda sits.

Eventually, Debbie seems to get the hint that Veda won’t open the door again and follows after her siblings, leaving with a squeal of tires. Veda turns away from the front window with a self-satisfied smile. She has to admit that the encounter could have gone in a worse direction. It was, quite frankly, the best outcome that she could have expected. She isn’t sure what to do with herself now that it’s over, though. The anger she felt during the interaction, the pride at standing her ground, is gone again, smothered into nonexistence by the hollow cold that has enveloped her over the last week. Veda sighs and runs her fingers through her hair. A week. Veda can’t believe it’s been a week since Granddad passed. Losing him seems to have cut off any grasp she ever held on time. She pads quietly to the couch, dropping onto the cushions without ceremony, and stares blankly ahead. “What are you doing here?” Veda asks quietly once she pulls open the door two hours later, and Hattie gives her a grim smile and holds up a bottle of bourbon. “Figured maybe we’d wanna visit Granddad’s old pal.” A true smile, small and wavering but still genuine, twists at Veda’s lips, and she steps back to let her cousin into the house. Hattie passes the Jim Beam over, pulls off her heavy jacket and boots while Veda heads to the kitchen. It may be barely ten in the morning, but Veda won’t turn this down. Glasses full of ice and bourbon, Veda follows her cousin back to the couch. The pair drinks in silence for a while, but Hattie breaks the quiet after their second glass. She reaches out for Veda’s hand, squeezing gently, as a laugh bubbles up. “D’ya remember when- when Granddad was helping me to learn to ride a bike, but you got so mad because it meant that we had to use your bike, and you just, you laid down in the middle of the street and screamed of the injustice in the universe.” Veda bites her lip, nods and ducks her head. “I swear, Granddad about laughed himself unconscious over that. Which just made my tantrum worse.” “Didn’t you only move because of Nonna Costa?” “Well, she was Mamma Costa back then, but yeah. She scared me.” Veda sighs and sips at her bourbon. “Oh, oh! Do you remember when we got into a fight over who’d have the top room whenever we came to visit? And Granddad told us we’d better make a choice or he’d move all his shit up to the room and make us sleep on the couch?” Hattie giggles, pushing her hair from her face. The mid-morning sun casts a spotlight on the tears in her hazel eyes. Veda stares at the amber liquid, gleaming a light golden in the sunlight, and recalls the feeling of righteous indignation she’d felt when Hattie drew the longer piece of the spaghetti noodle. She snorts in amusement when she remembers exactly how she ended up in the room by the next night. “Is that room still haunted?” Hattie asks after a moment, and Veda pauses with her glass halfway to her mouth. “It, uh, it never actually was.” “Yes, it was! Or are you telling me I imagined all the scratching sounds and the voices?” “Well, you didn’t imagine the noises, no, but… it was me.” Hattie stares, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, as Veda admits that the scratching and thumping came from the broomstick handle against the ceiling of the second-floor bedroom, the whispering from Veda climbing on top of her dresser to moan and groan into the air vent that ran between the two rooms. When Veda finally goes quiet, feeling more and more like a total jerk, Hattie slaps her arm. “You asshole! I stayed up all night that night, freaking out because I thought some ghost was going to murder me!” “I’m surprised you never told Granddad about it.” Hattie shakes her head, her grin dimming slightly. “We’d argued for hours over that room, I didn’t wanna admit that I regretted the victory. Figured telling him I felt bad that you were so upset was a good way of, what’s the word, mitigating that.” “I hate that you don’t have very many recent memories of Granddad,” Veda admits softly as the amusement fades. “Honestly, it breaks my heart that you didn’t have the relationship with him that I did.” Hattie blows out a breath and swallows down the last of her drink. Veda watches her cousin refill her glass, drink it all in one long swallow, then pour more Beam in. Once Hattie settles back into the cushions, her lips curve into a slight smile, and she runs her finger along the rim of her glass. “I wish I did, it’s... better, I think, that I didn’t. That I wasn’t around a whole lot after I turned ten. I mean, I was like you for a very long time. I thought everything my mother said was the truth. That she couldn’t - wouldn’t - lead me astray. Grandpa didn’t need that. If I’d been allowed around him, I woulda just learnt to use him like the rest of them. At least he had you.” “What do you mean?” “You weren’t ever like our family, even when your mom had her nails so deep into you that you were her mirror.” Hattie shrugs, a jerky rise and fall of her shoulders. “You never treated him like they did. Not as badly as they did, anyway. Sure, you fucked up and kept going back to Olivia, but you broke free.” Veda leans against her cousin, lets their heads come together. She lifts her glass in the air. “To Granddad, the most amazing man we have ever known and who deserved more than he got.” “May he be gettin’ some tail up in the afterlife.” Their giggles slowly morph into identical weeping, and Veda is so thankful she isn’t alone for this breakdown. Having someone here who feels the same as she does makes it easier to let herself feel anything, even the crushing weight of Granddad’s death and the hole he’s left behind. _______________ Waking up with a hangover is something that Veda hasn’t experienced in a while, and she spent all of Friday nursing cup after cup of coffee that slowly grew cold, incessantly whining and moaning about the pounding in her skull. Hattie didn’t leave until late in the evening, promising to call Veda as soon as she reached her dorm room. The quiet after she left hadn’t been nearly as oppressive. Veda kept herself busy on Saturday by going through Granddad’s records, making a list of which accounts to cancel and which to transfer into her name. It hadn’t been much - the house was completely paid off, a wedding gift to him and Mom-Mom all those years ago, but there were still utilities and property taxes that needed to be paid. Plus, she has to pay an inspector to come in and make sure the house is still inhabitable. Three days after that drunken morning spent with Hattie, Veda finds herself stood in the corridor of the children’s wing, staring around at the passing nurses. Hoping for a somewhat familiar face. It’s a Sunday, but she isn’t certain what that means in the whole scheme of scheduling. “Uh, hi, I’m - I’m looking for Niall. He’s a nurse on this floor.” The woman behind the desk glances up from the file in her hand then immediately goes back to it. “Sorry, doll, can’t give information about staff or patients.” “I know, I know the restrictions. I work in a hospital, too. I just... Okay, well, if you see him, can you tell him Veda needs to talk to him?” “Will do.” Veda nods though the nurse doesn’t see it. Turning on her heel, she heads back to the lift. The to-go cup of coffee in her hand bleeds warmth into her fingers and palm, and she focuses on that the too-hot heat. It isn’t until she is sat on one of the benches outside that she realises that even if the nurse does pass on the message, Niall is going to have no way of contacting Veda. “Wow, really don’t think things through, do ya?” she mutters under her breath, fingernail picking at the edge of the cup lid. People pass by, to and from the building, and an ambulance screams into the bay around back. Birds land and fly away, crumbs clutched in their beaks like prize-winning meals. An undulating worm of cars inch down the block - red, black, silver, blue, blue, lime green, black... The cup slowly grows colder in her hands, but still Veda sits. Footsteps stutter to a stop then double-back. “Ve-Veda?” Veda finally looks away from the toes of her shoes, forcing a smile at Niall. The sun has shifted further to the west in the sky overhead, and she blinks in surprise. She hadn’t realised so much time has passed. She tightens her grip on the cup in her hand and clears her throat. “Can we go get that coffee now?” Her heart sinks when his confused expressions turns pained. He shoves a hand through his already-mussed hair and blows out a heavy breath. “I just got off a thirteen-hour shift. I, I don’t really think it’s a good time for that.” Veda knows her smile is far too brittle, but she nods and says, “Oh. Okay. That’s fine. Yeah, totally fine. I just, uh, wanted to see if the offer was still open. That’s all. Totally fine.” She hides her mortification - and disappointment - by taking a sip of her coffee, grimacing at how cold and stale it’s become. Tossing the cup into a nearby bin, she adjusts her jacket and bustles past Niall. He wraps his fingers around her wrist as she passes, tugs her to a stop. She avoids meeting his eye directly. Instead, she stares at the curve of his eyebrow. “I have tomorrow off, though,” he says softly. “I can come by yours around nine?” Veda swallows, dipping her chin. “That sounds great.” “Are you okay?” he asks after a pregnant pause; his blue eyes skim over her face as if trying to read the answers there. “I’m… not sure. I’ll see you tomorrow, Niall.” He releases her wrist, fingers sliding lightly across her skin as she pulls her hand back, and she sends him another smile before walking away. Something other than the usual grief niggles at the edges of her soul. It takes a long moment, but she eventually puts a name to it - hope, comfort.

[andaleduardo]

91 for that prompt thingy

(Thank you so much for sendind this in! I hope you like it

91: Tell me you need me

from this list (anyone can request more!)

Read on AO3

Fridaysare the worse, now.

Itwasn’t like this back in high school, or even during the first year of college.But now they’re older, flourished, whatever. And now, Eddie likes to go to dumbcollege parties every Friday and drag Ben and Richie along.

Thethree of them had planned out everything once they shared that they wanted togo to the same college. They made it happen, stuck together, and to Richie’s request, one of them hadto be his roommate in the dorms. He wouldn’t have it other way.

Atfirst, Eddie said no. There’s no way he’d share a small space with someone sounorganized and “lazy”. But in the three seconds that had followed,he must have thought about what it would be like to share a room with acomplete stranger, and he changed his mind on the spot. Luckily, Ben was more than okay with getting a roommate he never met before.

Withthat said, Richie was very pleased with the outcome. But now… Now, Eddie wasdifferent, finally free from his mother’s watch.Richie couldn’t blame him, exactly. The guy missed out on many things, and nowhe saw himself on his own, able to do whatever he pleased. So, that’s what hedid. And Richie could only hope Eddie would use his sane brain to think througheverything before actually doing something.

Itstarted the first time Eddie said they should go to a party.

Usually,Richie went to some, but only Ben had agreed to go with him, once, and Eddiealways refused. So, he went alone when he felt like drinking a little andunwinding from classes. The surprising factor here was, Eddie showed interest in going to a party.

Theywent, drank a little, enjoyed themselves. Richie had the amazing experience ofseeing Eddie drink something other than beer for the first time. The wholething went better than he had expected, in the end.

Butthen, next Friday came around and Richie found himself being dragged to yetanother party.

It justbugged him. Eddie wasn’t supposed to be into this. Richie always saw Eddie assomeone different, which wasn’t fair, but he couldn’t shake off the feelingthat seeing Eddie drinking and dancing was something odd. Richie couldn’t evenenjoy the parties, himself. He just stood aside watching him and thinking “What the fuck changed?”

Even Benwas a little weirded out. They ended up talking about it, the two of them. ButBen had said that Eddie was happy, and as long as he was careful and conscious,Richie should support him.

Richietried.

Itwasn’t like he had the right to think anything about it. It’s not his life,Eddie can do whatever he wants. Maybe there was something wrong with Richie,after all, not Eddie. Maybe he was being a shitty, judgmental friend. He kept quiet about it, never questioned Eddie or his sudden desire to put himselfout there. But he couldn’t stop himself from keeping an eye out for him everyFriday, even if Eddie stopped asking for their company after a party number four.Richie counted.

That’show he found himself on wobbling knees a few weeks ago, at the sight of Eddiekissing a random guy that he could faintly recognize from one of his classes.

It tookevery puff of breath out of Richie’s lungs, and he had to force himself to turnaround and leave before he could set his mind up to go and sock the guy’s noseout of his face.

Thatnight, Richie found himself crying in his small and uncomfortable dorm bed andblamed it on the little he had to drink.By the time he heard Eddie come back and curse under his breath when hestumbled to find his bed, Richie set his mind to one thing.

Hewished they weren’t roommates.

Thingsonly got worse after that.Eddie started getting quieter during the day. Their conversations became drierand fewer, which broke Richie’s heart for reasons he tried not to understand.

Eventually,he did. Richie understood. The feelings he carried and emotions he showed andhid, everything. Eddie was more important to him than he had actually realized.

Itwasn’t so rough coming to terms with that. Richie accepted it easily, but itonly seemed to break him more. Because now he knows what he is facing. Theperson he fell for kissing other people, the person he fell for gettingdistant, the person he fell for growing in ways Richie wanted to experiencefirst hand. He might have realized all of this months too late, but Richie wished he couldhave been the first mouth Eddie’s lips met. Wished he could have been the firstperson to dance with him on his first college party, and much more.

That’swhy it hurt in excruciating ways deep within his chest when, one night, Richiehad to watch Eddie leave the party they were currently at, with another boy whokept getting his hands all over his body.

The hardestpart, Eddie seemed into it, eager. Their eyes met for a second and, once again,Richie had to sip from his cup and turn to leave before giving too much thoughtto Eddie’s blown out pupils. He felt sick to his stomach while dragging hisfeet to their dorm.

Eddie.Eddie touching someone else. Someone else touching Eddie.

That wasthe last thought swimming through Richie’s brain before he allowed himself tofall on top of the cheap mattress that seemed to have become his best companionover the last semester.

So,maybe the sight of Eddie licking another guy’s mouth open was worth bleachingyour eyes for. But instead of bleach, Richie cleaned his eyes out withreluctant, embarrassed tears. Because he had no right to cry over Eddie, noright to blame him for his acts and how they may affect Richie’s feelings thatEddie doesn’t even know about.

Andmaybe that’s for the best. There’s still a chance to go back, nothing’s ruinedyet. But Richie still cried. His efforts to push away the sick, mental imagesof Eddie’s body under someone else’s not working.

It’s inthose moments that he really wished Eddie and him weren’t roommates, becausethe door opened suddenly, and Richie lifted his head up from the tear stainedpillow to stare puzzlingly at the door.

Eddiewas leaning against it, looking a bit too pink, messed up hair and the shirtthat had been previously tucked inside his jeans was now creased and untidy.Something inside Richie felt incredibly wrong, and to top it all, Eddiewouldn’t look at him, instead just going about his business and getting readyfor bed.

Richieshould have thought before speaking, but he just had to ask.

“Eds.”He cleared his throat. “Are you okay?”

Richie’svoice must have sounded worse than he realized, because Eddie, who was sittingon his bed with his back turned to Richie, stopped midway of getting his shoesoff and snapped his neck to face him.

“Are youcrying?” He asked, incredulous. Richie saw Eddie’s tired expression turn intoone of worry. “What’s wrong?” He got up, one shoe still on the left foot, andwalked over to Richie’s bed. Richie widened his eyes and he shook his head,curls bouncing.

“Rich,you’re crying.” Richie denied it again, giving Eddie some space as the boyclimbed up into bed with him and toed the other shoe off. “Your cheeks areliterally wet.” Eddie gave a short sympathetic smile. “What happened?”

Richielet his head fall on the pillows again and took in the sight in front of him.Eddie smelled like someone else, his own scent barely there, lost under a layerof sweat and some other boy’s cologne. He was dressed up, far too differentfrom the things he used to wear before this whole glow up started. Richie triedto find his Eddie again, in this boy laying beside him. He was scared for amoment that he wouldn’t.

I’ve lost him, he thought. I’ve lost the most important personin my life.

Hismouth worked against his will.

“I- tellme you’re still you, that… that I didn’t lose you…” He whispered through weaksobs, unsure of how to control himself. “Eds,do you still need me? Tell me you need me.”

Eddie’smouth fell open. He was quiet for some time, or long enough for Richie to lookaway and regret. He probably didn’t make much sense, Eddie probably thought hewas plainly drunk.

Finally,he broke the silence. “…You’re the only person I’ll ever need, Richie.” Eddie’sscrunched up his eyebrows. “And I’m still me, I’ll always be me.”

Thewords made him look up. He searched every bit of Eddie’s face.

It was inhis eyes, that always carried something bright, noticeable even in the dark,that Richie found him. Eddie’s eyes are still the same, uncertain, somewhatinnocent, young, loveable, trustworthy.

The remainingtears dried up, Eddie’s words enough to calm him down. Richie nodded and allowedhis gaze to rest upon other places. Eddie’s hands, shoulders, neck. There weresome new marks painting the softest looking skin Richie has ever found. For now,they were mostly red and pink, soon to become purple, and hopefully quick todisappear.

“Whathappened?” He spoke softly. That’s when he realized his hand had somehowtravelled to rest against the bruises painting his neck, fingers slowly tracingthem.

Eddie’sbehaviour changed in a matter of seconds. His cheeks started to tint, and he turnedhis body to stare at the ceiling.

“You’llmake fun of me.” He whispered.

“I wouldnever.” With interest, Richie got up on one elbow, wiped his damp cheeks andsniffled. “What’s up?” He pocked Eddie’s ribs.

Shrinkingaway from the touch, Eddie shrugged and bit his lip. He didn’t look like he’dspeak any time sooner.

“I’massuming it wasn’t hot, heavy sex ‘cause you were gone for like… fifteen minutes?”Richie tried to liven up the mood, but it sort of ended up making it worse forhimself. He really didn’t need to know further on the topic.

Eddiegroaned, clearly embarrassed. “Yeah, fifteen minutes without me and you had abreakdown, Tozier.” He played right back.

Richiestayed quiet, not knowing what to say. Eddie whined after a bit and covered hisface with both hands. “It wasn’t even close to sex…”

Tryingnot to look too pleased, Richie pushed on. “Then what happened?”

“Nothinghappened. That’s kind of the issue.” Eddie sighed and dropped his hands by hissides. Correcting himself, he added. “Well, no. Not an issue, I just-” He groaned,conflicted. “It wouldn’t feel right.”Eddie finally looked into Richie’s eyes before continuing. “If it was him, Imean.”

If hewasn’t too careful, Richie thought he’d start crying again, for slightly betterreasons, hopefully. “Would if feel right with anyone else?”

“Notanyone…” Eddie didn’t look away. “Just, maybe someone-”

“Bigger?”Richie’s big mouth ruined, yet another, possibly good moment.

“No!” Immediately, Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose and his featuresscrunched up in disgust. “What the fuck, Richie, I knew you’d make fun of me!”

“I’m not,I’m not, I swear!” He couldn’t help but chuckle light heartedly through hisstuffy nose. Confidently, Richie lowered his head to rest it upon Eddie’s torso.“Sorry…” He sighed once Eddie’s fingers started to run through his hair. “Is it bad thatthat makes me happy?” He whispered.

“Hm?”Eddie inquired, his hands not faltering once.

“Thatyou didn’t have sex tonight.” Richie clarified. That made Eddie’s actions stop for a second. “Is it bad that I’m happyabout it? Am I an awful person?” His voice sounded small again.

Eddiedidn’t speak for a long time, Richie thought that he wouldn’t breathe againunless Eddie said something. But they just stood there in silence until,eventually, Eddie resumed his actions of untangling the knots in Richie’s hair.

“I left aguy with blue balls, literally ran the fuck out of his room.” Eddie’s wordsmade both of them chuckle, a tiny layer of nervousness palpable. “I told you itdidn’t feel right.”

Richiewasn’t sure if he was supposed to say something back, either that or Eddie wasstuck in what to say next. “You did.”

“It didn’tfeel right… because it wasn’t you.” Under his hands, Eddie felt Richie’s bodytense up.

In asnap, Richie lifted his head up and stared down at Eddie. He had the biggestdorky smile plastered on his face.

“It’s nota joke, right? I’ll never let you live that down, Eds. You’re fucking stuckwith me.” He couldn’t stop his stupid, lovestruck smile.

Eddierolled his eyes, but Richie saw through that. “Sorry I said someth-”

“Can Ikiss you?” Richie cut him off, too much energy vibrating through his veins atthe moment. He blurted out. “I’ll make it feel right.”

Eddie simplysmiled, eyes always shiny, and brought both hands up to sit on either side ofRichie’s face, fingers resting behind his ears. He whispered back.

“I knowyou will.”

(Perma?) Tag List (apparently I have one of those now) @constantreaderfool @mrs-vh

[caiuscassiuss]

Jaded (Jungwoo Mafia! AU)

Description: In your dark, dark, world there was a spot of light who came in the form of your mission partner, Jungwoo.

Genre: angst  WC: 1.4k Warnings: swearing, actual murder, death, some sexual situations, basically pretty graphic

masterlist | requests | updates

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(A/N: this is for the anon request so I really hope you liked the way it turned ou bc I wrote it really quickly lol)

Click.

You quickly loaded the magazine of your prized revolver as multiple people ran around you doing… whatever they were doing. You really didn’t care, like you did about most things. In record time, you had packed up for your hit job. Some pimp decided he could swindle the mafia out of the money he owed them, and escaped like a rat in the night before they could send out a man to blackmail him. Rats were notoriously hard to catch; however, when one was experienced, they were ridiculously easy to… exterminate.

Your contacts informed your boss, Taeyong, the rat was hiding out in some motel in the middle of nowhere, Illinois. Quite a way away from New York, where the HQ for your organization stood, but you’ve traveled further and waited longer than to be bothered by this.

Normally, you wouldn’t bother with a simple job like this and leave it to the newly inducted to carry out. But this pimp, surprisingly, was half-way intelligent. He had planted his men around the town he was staying in, each one trained in covert surveillance and ready to strike at a moment’s notice. So that’s why you brought along your partner for backup because you were not going to face what could be up to 20 people alone.

A car was stalling at the curb of the building the HQ was at. It was a regular red Toyota Corolla, something very normal and not very flashy. Perfect for your cover.

You loaded your luggage in the trunk of the car and climbed into the passenger seat. In the driver’s seat sat your partner, Jungwoo.

Jungwoo has been in the organization for a while, inducted in as soon as you entered. You both rose through ranks at relatively the same speed, and he was just as good of an assassin as you were. What differed greatly, however, were your attitudes.

You were not afraid to to say you had a chip on your shoulder. Orphaned and kicked out onto the rough streets of Brooklyn at the age of 15 and left to fend for yourself ensured a whole fucking anchor placed on your shoulder. You learned very quickly not to trust and to place yourself first; those skills earned you a place at your organization.

Jungwoo, on the other hand, was the posterboy of an innocent bystander who got in far too deep. Sometimes, his light-heartedness and cheerful attitude made you question if he was a psycho or whether he put on a facade to deal with the guilt of his terrible deeds.

“Hey y/n! How are you?”

“I’m doing well” You smiled slightly at him as you strapped yourself in.

“You ready for the job?”

“When am I not?” you smirked.

_______________________________________________________________________

The town you were entering was really fucking small. Very different from the hustle and bustle of the streets of New York. Some crappy gas station near the exit, a diner that had a flickering sign, and some dilapidated, abandoned structures scattered willy-nilly around the area. Well, at least the squalid and crappy conditions were found in both places. You stopped at the gas station, and both you and Jungwoo stepped out of the car to get into the place.

Unsurprisingly, there was no one there except a man behind the cash register smoking and typing on his phone.

“Um sir? Do you know where the nearest hotel is?” you asked.

The man looked up from his phone. The gruff set to his mouth indicated he was not amused with the interruption to his activity (playing poker?).

“Don’t you kids have phones for that kind of shit nowadays?”

“Uh, sorry sir, but my girlfriend and I promised to leave our phones back in the dorms so we could concentrate on each other! Unfortunately, the map we’ve been using hasn’t been updated recently,” Jungwoo jumped in.

Your cover was a pair of NYU college students who wanted to go on a road trip to to California. Your name was Jenny, and his was Dean, and both of you were supposedly head over heels for each other.

“Hmph. Just head straight down that road and you’ll see it on the left, if you’re not too busy staring at each other,” the man snarked.

Rude asshole.

“Thank you for the help sir!” you chirped artificially as you slipped your hand into Jungwoo’s. Truthfully, there was nothing you’d like more to do than bash his head into the chipped counter, but there was no telling if he was one of the planted men.

You got out of the station and drove to the motel the pimp was most likely staying at. It was just as crappy as the gas station and diner, and looked like a strong gust of wind would knock it over.

You guys checked in and quickly got settled in the motel room that reeked of smoke and sex. Something both of you were versed quite well in, but didn’t want to be reminded of.

“Jungwoo, I’m gonna go to the pool and swim a bit to smoke out this dude. It said on his dossier that he liked chicks who were fit, so I plan on showcasing me to my fullest extent.

Jungwoo looked up from the tea he was brewing and frowned.

“Okay, but be careful. I’ll be in his room, kay?” he smiled his signature healing smile.

You rolled your eyes. You were always careful. It was what you did for a living.

_______________________________________________________________________

You giggled and dragged a finger down the pimp’s chest. After seeing you in the pool, he had “lured” you into his room, him not knowing you knew full damn well what he was doing.

“Eager to cheat, eh? I love whores like you, ready to fuck and chuck,” the pimp laughed as he ran his sweaty hands down your back and cupped your ass roughly.

The name he gave to you was Kihyun, which didn’t really matter cause he was about to die.

You slowly slipped a hand towards your swimming shorts, making it look like you were about to take it off. Instead, you slipped out a serrated knife that expanded and quickly pushed it into his chest. He went slack for moment, and his hands slipped down from your waist as your furrowed your eyebrows and dug deeper. Kihyun’s eyes lost it’s lecherous gleam and he slumped down onto the floor. The blood splattered a bit onto your pink swimsuit and you pushed the dead weight off of you.

You looked down in disgust. Too much mess. This is why you preferred cyanide in someone’s drink instead.

_______________________________________________________________________

You drove back to New York after stealthily escaping the town. Jungwoo dumped the body somewhere and you quickly cleaned up the hotel room, because you usually liked clean getaways. The traffic was really bad in the afternoon, so both of you were doomed to sit in here in near stand still for the next 2 hours. It was silent for a while until Jungwoo broke the silence.

“Y/n, are you… alright?”

You gave him a funny look. “Yeah, of course I am?”

“No, not like that. Like, are you okay?”

You quickly grew uncomfortable and stared out the window. You didn’t want to have a heart to heart with Jungwoo of all people, who was too fucking happy and would never understand.

“Everyday I see you get more and more detached. I’m really worried about you!”

“Jungwoo, it’s fine. I’ve been like this for a long time,” you sighed, feeling a bit shaken. The concern in his voice was something you hadn’t heard in a long time. His concern made you want to run far, far away from him and his feelings. But most importantly you felt something pulling at your chest. Oh nononono. I haven’t felt this… thing… in forever. No. It can’t comeback, it can’t. It can’t!

You felt a tug on your hands as he pulled you to look at him.

“Y/n. Can you truly look me into the eye and say you’re A-okay?” Jungwoo asked and he gripped your hands. His usually relaxed countenance wasn’t there, and his puppy eyes were intense.

The feeling in your chest came to a climax as you choked out, “N-no. Not at all.”

He pulled you into his chest as you sobbed, your face in the crook of his neck.

“I saw- he- don’t know-” you stuttered out..

“Shhh, it’ll be alright,” he murmured as he stroked your head.

After calming down from your breakdown, you too fell silent once again, reveling in the comfort you two brought each other.

“Y/n, you know you can always talk to me, yeah?”

You nodded against his chest.

“We may live in a world that requires us to kill, but it doesn’t mean you have to cut yourself off.”

“Jungwoo, we kill for a living!”

“Yeah, but you had nowhere to go. You can’t continue to punish yourself for things out of your control!”

You sniffed and Jungwoo sighed then pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“One day, we’ll get out of this together. One day, we’ll get out of this darkness.”

[noxrynne]

I don't really know what it is tbh

Like, the last group of friends I had was back in middle school who I felt close to was probably the last close friends I ever had.

High School I felt too awkward and uncomfortable and scared to get to know anyone. No one really felt safe enough for me to open up to about things, or that I felt like I didn't have enough in common with people. It kinda sucks when everyone around you constantly talks about and has much more vested interest in things that I didn't find really interesting, and the reverse was true: they didn't find what I was interested in all that interesting.

After high school... yeah, I know a lot of people. But that's really it, tbh. I don't feel very close to anyone. I actually feel incredibly artificial to myself and others, I don't really... like, to be honest? I don't know who I really am socially. Any time I meet new people I'm so scared of saying something stupid, saying something wrong, making a bad comment, that it'd start a chain reaction and I'd be ostracized or something. Or mocked, or made fun of. And I get like, between friends teasing is a thing, just sometimes it feels a bit lopsided in about... every case I ever had. Yeah, I forget the names of things so I try and garble up something that might mean *something* yeah I pronounce some stuff wrong here and there, yeah I make mistakes doing things for fun (like, video games). But every time I never really... I mean, it hurts to be teased a lot without really much to counterbalance it. I don't know though, maybe I am an idiot? Maybe my presence is really only tolerated and not really enjoyed? I don't know, but it feels like that a lot. Especially when people all compliment each other, and you kinda hoped to feel included, but instead you mispronounce a name or a word you couldn't quite remember and next thing you know you're kinda being laughed at for it. Again.

And... yeah, I tailor make how I behave pending who I'm around. I know I behave differently with different people, and not just in a "watch what I say" type of way. I'm like... a completely different person in a lot of contexts, I do have a moral and ethical compass I follow and all, but at the end of the day I don't... ever think I've really been a genuine self to anyone. I dunno, maybe it's something I do because I'm scared of rejection. Maybe it's something I do because I don't want to be made fun of all the time and be taken non-seriously all the time. Maybe I miss feeling like I could be good at something, useful even. Frankly, I didn't even realize this was a *thing* some people do until I kinda learned the concept in sociology and realized it's kinda exactly what I do. I mean, it makes me get along with a lot of people? But the cost is kinda... well, they just know a more fraudulent version of myself.

I keep thinking about it lately, how alone I kinda really am. A lot of it is my own fault, I'm... a pretty shitty friend, really. I don't really start conversations because I just feel like no one really wants to hear it, and outside of what I'm currently just... fixated on, I don't really come up with anything to talk about on my own. Even... I mean, and god I kinda hope he doesn't read this because it's going to come out choppy and poorly worded, but... I don't even really feel close to my boyfriend. Not as close as when we were friends. Yeah, we RP practically every night but in a lot of cases I... don't want to anymore. I'd rather just talk, but I don't know what about. I'd rather watch a movie, a show, or just... hang out as... y'know, people. But I feel guilty if I don't RP, and I feel *really* guilty if I don't talk to him even if I'm in a really "I need to be *alone*" mood. Like, kinda regretting, staying up late because I can't sleep type of guilty.

Online I try to make friends, but... I just feel so far removed from everyone. I don't really have interests in common with most of them, and fuck, I'm not doing anything interesting with my life and just about all of them are lmao. If anything I'm just perpetually frustrated at life because I'm fucking terrible at handling pressure properly and (while I get everything in on time, for the most part) I procrastinate so much and the pressure becomes higher until I just start feeling this empty detachment of giving a shit anymore. And I don't like that. I don't really know how to fix it, though, and yeah, that's about school. It feels immature, irresponsible, childish, stupid, but for the life of me I just sit there and stare at my document, my prompt, my papers and just want to cry. I can't think of the next line, the next word, let alone the rest of the thing. I get frustrated, I get upset, I try to do something to drown out that feeling but it doesn't help and I just feel like I'm being irresponsible and I shouldn't be doing anything time consuming/fun for me until I finish my priority.

On top of that, my life experience? It's basically 0. Yeah, I'm fucking stupid. Yeah, I struggle with banks. I struggle with finances. I struggle understanding legal documents. I struggle understanding how to do shit. I struggled, a LOT, with taxes when I had to do them. I struggle driving. I struggle even getting up in the morning. I struggle fulfilling plans. I struggle keeping in contact with people. I struggle opening up, going out, cooking, cleaning properly, my makeup application sucks, remembering my responsibilities, feeling confident and happy and secure in myself. All of my value I derive from myself? Literally just "do I feel like I"m good at this task? Y/N" and that became "Do I feel like I'm good at this game? No? Well then what am I even worth if I can't even have fun correctly?"

I'm fucking 23. I still feel like an overgrown child. I don't like owning up to it because so many people around me are so far ahead. Just about everyone I know currently is independent and on their own, and I'm... still struggling through first year of school. For the sixth time. I'm still struggling with even the idea of living alone, I mean I will be doing that soon? But that's just me staying in the house while my mother works elsewhere. Last time when I went to a dorm? Went to a hotel on my own? I had an entire fucking breakdown. I still feel like shit over that. One time I sobbed, I cried, I couldn't sleep, I felt terrified and scared and alone and hated it. Other time? I just felt overwhelmed, to the point where I just detached. I didn't sleep for a long time, I made a lot of mistakes, I didn't eat, I didn't drink much if anything.

But it's just... I don't know. I kinda feel like shit around most people since they're all having lives, they're all having a lot more fun together and are a lot closer together, and I'm there trying to become friends and failing kinda miserably at it. And it's not just like, one isolated incident, it's all the time. I've kinda always been that more "outlier" person in a friend group that is kinda there but doesn't really feel too close to anyone and isn't really... that close to anyone. And is kinda bagged on a lot.

And I'm frustrated, and upset. Because I literally... I literally don't know how to just... go out and make friends? Even in class there's like, people who talk to me or try to and I"m just... not great at it. I get nervous/anxious so I start blanking and struggling to think of stuff to say, or even just how to respond, I get tense and even... sometimes I can't even vocalize something in a face-to-face environment.

I feel like a massive fucking loser for typing this. For even having this as a problem when so many people around me seem to be able to do this all so easily. And I just kinda... I dunno, feel like crying I guess.

I just wanted a place to ramble about it, so sorry if you had to read it or something.

[her-eyes-looked-so-sad]

Denver had a purpose (long post)

I was sitting there getting so much work done, agitated as hell but thinking smugly to myself about how here I am in Denver being productive™️ and doing stuff for my clients like ooooo all my shit is together therefore I can sweep my problem under the rug. Except I realized that no matter how much work I was doing, no matter how on top on my schedule and press releases and clients and pitches and research I was: none of it meant a damn thing.

That’s not to say that my work doesn’t matter. It’s just with the realization that a dying girl achieving her goals is pretty fucking meaningless if I’m dying. And with that, I closed my laptop and began walking the very well known path between the Lowry Starbucks and ERC. I was scared. I felt stupid. How crazy would I look? As I trudged closer, I sped up. Tears streaming down my face, my body literally pulling everything it could until it got right in front of the building. Am I really here? Am I really about to just fucking show up at ERC and ask to talk to someone? I guess so.

I went into the foyer area and started taking pictures to prove to myself later that this wasn’t some kind of fucking seroquel and vodka infused dream sequence. I said “My name’s Rachel Patterson, I’ve been here before, and I need to talk to someone please.”

I’m fucking crying, trying to not become hysterical. Front desk lady kindly says “Ok sweetie, are you admitting today?”

“No, I’m sorry I know this is random but I just want to talk to someone. Anyone, please.”

I try thinking of Dr McGuire’s name. “I know it, I know who she is. I remember, I promise...it’s her!”

Wouldn’t you know, Dr. McGuire herself comes out of those double doors. There was a fire drill so lots of staff swirling around. I hear Cindy’s voice. I miss Cindy so much.

“What’s going on?” She asks, kindly.

I explain that I’m here on a layover at the tail end of spring break. “I just needed to see someone here, anyone, and be able to look at them and say that I am completely miserable. Every single day, my eating disorder makes me completely miserable and I am so sorry.” Crying. So much crying. She honestly looks scared and quickly says that she’ll be back. I sit down in one of the chairs and Rendy walks by and opens the door. I’m too ashamed to speak up but out of the corner of my eye I see him basically stop in his tracks, turn around, and look at me. Half like “what the hell is Rachel doing here” and also “holy fuck Rachel is in a bad spot”

Dr. McGuire comes back out with Caitlyn the dietitian. I like Caitlyn but she’s a dietitian therefore not who I was expecting. Both of them look fucking scared. Oh no what if I freaked them out by having a complete mental breakdown in the foyer of their treatment center? Both of them hug me at this point. I’m completely at my wits end, crying because Im so desperate and laughing because I am so happy to finally see people from ERC. “Ohmygod Caitlyn I never did anything you told me and I am so sorry that I never listened!!!!” We all kinda laugh. I always fight with the dietitians, I never learn, and I always wind up crying my eyes out saying “I’ll listen this time I promise”.

It was a quick meeting, and I don’t remember everything exactly but they were saying that it sounded like I needed to be admitted and that they could get me a bed in a couple days if I chose to stay in Denver.

“Oh but I have school and internships and work and I can’t leave, I can’t abandon it” I cry.

“Rachel we are always here to help you and it sounds like you really need help and we’re worried. I don’t know exactly what’s going on with your labs or EKGs but it sounds like you need help now” (insert incoherent rambling about how I tricked the doctor and I hated lying and being urged to see a medical doctor soon)

“Rachel. We can help you now. We can admit you if you want.”

I broke down. It felt like everything in me was finally broken into a million pieces. All the acting like I’m fine or it’s no big deal or whatever was gone. I almost said yes. I wanted so badly to say yes. To call my Dad and everyone else and just fucking let that weight come off my shoulders. To say fuck Memphis and fuck my eating disorder. Oh but how I was torn. I couldn’t just quit my job. Quit my internships?! I didn’t even have all my clothes. I have to take my cat to the vet. I have all my shit in a dorm and owe the school money. I have a research project I have to give in my crisis class with my favorite professor/Dr J where I have to do above and beyond average to prove myself to my classmates and earn her respect as a future PR professional. What so everyone else shows up after spring break and I just suddenly disappear? Oh no, oh God no. What was I to do?

I told them I couldn’t make any rational decision, but maybe they could check my insurance benefits for the future. Maybe I could just try a few things at home and get through the next two months and come after the semesters over, I pleaded.

I told them about Dr J. “She’s not a therapist or anything but I really look up to her and she always asks how I’m doing and is trying to help me find resources in Memphis. She really seems to understand and having her be there for me really does help. I feel so fucking alone except when I’m with her, even when we’re not talking about it. She’s just someone I really respect, you know.”

So Dr J, the professionals said thank you. That they’re glad I have someone instead of keeping everything to myself.

Dr. McGuire asked how school was going. I said good, when I’m not half dead haha. Sad smiles are still smiles. I said “my eating disorder is so loud and is so confusing and is it just a totally messed up eating disorder to say that none of this matters and I’m not that bad because I don’t look sick?”

“You do look sick, Rachel. You definitely look sick. You know I’ll be foreword with you.”

I was like THANK YOU BECAUSE NO ONE IN MY LIFE WILL TELL ME WHAT THE HELL I LOOK LIKE SO THANK YOU FOR ACTUALLY TELLING ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.

They had to leave. “Rachel please go to the emergency room if there’s any kind of medical issue. Please.” They both looked afraid again. “I will, I promise. Thank y’all so much.”

There was a patient sitting in the waiting room. I looked at her and said “I know you don’t know me, but I’ve been here before and it’s the best place you can go. This eating disorder sucks and I hate it but, there’s gotta be an end to it right?” We talked a little and I looked at her and said “You’ve got to fight it.” And she said “you do too. The fact that you’re here right now means you want to get better. That you’re talking with them. Take care of yourself.

I decided then that I was going to treatment.

I am going to treatment. I told their intake person as soon as the semester was over that I would be back. And I fucking meant it.

To fast forward through the next few hours (as lovely and meaningful as they truly were) I get back to the airport and quickly board my plane. I can’t stop crying. We start taxing out and I’m feeling more and more lightheaded. There wasn’t time to grab a Diet Coke because I was busy purging the little bit I had for lunch (and quietly crying in the toilet like a fucking loser). The more lightheaded I get, the faster my heart beats. As we take off I started having chest pains. Not horribly painful but fucking terrifying and painful enough.

“What if I die on this plane? That’s what happened to Callie!”

“Calm down. Pray. You won’t die ok? Just don’t panic and keep your breathing nice and easy.”

The feeling gets sucked out of my face. I can’t breathe. I start blacking out and then it finally stops. I spend the rest of the flight crying and lightheaded. Oh fuck I made the wrong choice. I should have stayed.

I SHOULD HAVE STAYED, I scream at myself. I keep replaying the conversation. Keep picturing their faces.

We land. I am floating. I’m not awake but I can’t let myself rest. Baggage claim. Almost home. While waiting for Christina, I put my legs up and close my eyes. I am floating, I am weak. Blacking out. Heart thumping strangely.

“Rachel go to the emergency room if anything happens ok please. Please be careful.”

It’s like they knew.

Of course they knew. They’re the experts and they know ME. And they’d never seen me so bad/at such a low weight. They could see me dying. Oh my God...does Dr J see me dying?

How do I keep from fucking dying these next 8 weeks? Do I quit my job and try to reduce stress? Do I quit exercise? What do I do when I’m laying in bed or walking into class feeling myself get weaker and weaker? Because eating isn’t the fucking solution. My body has been damaged past that.

I feel fat and disgusting but I’m also dying. How can I pretend to be so bulletproof when I dance along the edge of no return?

How the fuck do I stay alive? Dr J isn’t going to have the answer.

I have to survive 8 more weeks.

I have to live.

[amoristt]

Grazing the Fire | Nathan x Reader

disclaimer: i know nathan is not a good person. i am not putting a blanket over his actions in this fic. i, the writer, understand he’s not an innocent character and has made many terrible choices. im just answering people’s requests, please dont put me under the fire for it.

thank you.

Anonymous asked: please can you write about the reader meeting nathan for the first time? maybe they can become friends?

woohoo my first fic! im so excited to post this despite knowing it probably wont get much attention... either way to the people who DO read this i hope you enjoy the read! reblogs and replys are more than welcomed (it would make my entire life, god bless).

put under a read more for length. let me know if you can’t access it!

Warning: Language

want to support me? here’s my ko-fi!

The first time you saw him was in the dead of night, sitting on top of a picnic table with his head in his hands, a rather expensive looking camera residing next to him. He wasn’t moving much but you could tell he was stressed; shoulders hunched and his fingers occasionally pulling at his brown hair. The street lamp above him illuminated his figure and if you hadn’t already heard the rumors of the infamous Nathan Prescott you would’ve had some mind to reach out. Though this was the first time you’d actually seen him you knew it was the asshole rich kid your friends had gossiped about. You being new to Arcadia Bay seemed to grace you with not knowing him or his family, and maybe it also offered a second opinion as well. You hadn’t talked to him, seen what he’s ‘capable of’, so seeing him looking like he was seconds away from a breakdown made you wonder if he was truly the evil bastard everyone painted him out to be.

While you wanted to talk to him the fear of being yelled at was too much. Instead to sat where you always were in cool nights- at the edge of some hefty rocks and hoping Principle Wells wouldn't find you outside your dorm. It wasn’t smart to be out after hours, especially so close by, but usually you didn’t care. You valued your alone time.

Nathan left barely 20 minutes after you saw him and to your dismay he noticed you too. You couldn’t see his eyes from how far away you were but you could feel them- that cold stare. He probably thought you were watching him. Still, he seemed to spare you an argument, and disappeared into the night.

The second time you saw him you began to understand why Nathan Prescott certainly was a force to be reckoned with. While waiting in the parking lot for one of your friends you happened to see him storm out of the front door of Blackwell Academy, fire in his eyes that managed to clear a path of all the other students trying to leave. He raced straight past you and instead confronted a brunette girl you hadn’t met before. Whatever sorrow he was experiencing the previous night was replaced with venom and hate, and thought you couldn’t hear the words he was saying judging by the girl's face they weren’t too friendly.

Growing uneasy at the scene starting to play out before you, you pushed off the front of your car and shifted your weight, wondering if you should intervene. However that thought was sent out the window when a boy you also hadn’t met before tried to lay his hands on Nathan, therefore only earning a headbutt that sent him straight to the ground. You gasped, watching his body thud and his hands move to cradle the wound. The girl, to her friends defense, roughly pressed at Nathan's shoulder and he immediately retaliated by placing his hands on her throat, forcibly backing her up a few feet as his voice grew in volume. A few of the other students in the parking lot took note of the commotion but they all seemed to be in your position- both too scared and shocked to do anything.

Luckily none of you had to do anything. A truck barreled past all the parked cars and narrowly stopped just in time to avoid running the two students over, and in an instant the girl managed to free herself from Nathan’s grip and thanks to the heroic sacrifice of her friend who’d gotten back up taking a few more blows from him the girl was able to climb into the truck before it sped away, leaving behind a fuming and shouting Prescott.

Someone seemed to find it in themselves to take some sort of action, another student you had never met before running over to the two boys and kneeling beside the nerdy looking one on the ground. You could see the patches of red on his face but not the actual wounds. Nathan stared down at him like a predator but decided against attacking again, turning on his heel and stomping away while muttering things to himself. He passed by you again on his way back inside the building he saw you through the corners of his eyes and this time you were close enough to see everything first hand. His eyes narrowed at you before recognition took over, and he scoffed, mumbled something along the lines of ‘fuck off’ and then made his way back inside.

Your friend came out not minutes later, looking behind her as she made her way to you.

“Holy shit,” She said. “Did you see Nathan back there? He looked like he was going to kill someone!”

You just nodded, still staring at the doorway like he was going to come back out of it. Perhaps those rumors were more than true. He did seem to be rather violent and that was only a few minutes worth of a fight- you couldn’t imagine what it be like to be one of his enemies.

Hopping into your car with your friend right beside you, you made a mental note. Stay out of Nathan Prescott's way.

It seemed as though life did not agree with your new plan.

Since you had only been in Arcadia Bay for little over two weeks now there were still many places you still hadn't visited yet, and one of them was the frequently suggested diner ‘Two Whales’. From what you could see standing outside the building it was a cute restaurant, the logo of the two whales making you smile to yourself. Inside was how you expected it to be- small but not empty with a nice layout. Cozy. You chose a window booth and nested against the edge, staring out the window and taking in the aesthetic of a small but lively town.

“Can I start with you anything to drink?” A voice asked, pulling you from your thoughts. The waitress, a blond, stood at the end of your table with a note pad and warm smile.

“Just a water for now, please.” You answered. She nodded and didn’t bother writing anything down.

“No problem sweetheart.”

You turned back to the window when the waitress left you be, and low and fucking behold, the one person you’d been avoiding for days now appeared from the edge of your vision and, upon somehow seeing you from across the street through the window looking at him, B lined it for the diner.

Something about him staring directly at you before making his way over had your stomach rolling in it’s spot, your nerves starting to light up. He shoved the diner’s doors open up and you kept your head down, hand resting on your forehead to avoid eye contact. Unfortunately it didn’t work as Nathan slid right into your booth, staring you down from across the table. You looked up at him from your brows and cringed at his obvious anger.

“Alright,” He hissed, resting his hands on the table and leaning in. “I don’t know who the fuck you are but stop fucking following me or you’ll regret it, got it?”

You frowned and met his heated gaze. “What?”

“‘What’?’ He mocked. “Don’t fucking ‘what’ me, bitch. I’ve got eyes all over this shithole of a town and apparently you do too. Mind your fucking business, capische?”

“I’m not following you!” Leaning forward as well you stared at him in disbelief. He leaned back and shook his head, laughing. You took in the few heads turning in your direction and softened your tone. “I’m not following you.”

“Yeah right. I’ve seen you how many fucking times this week, all the time staring at me, watching me like I’m some sort of freak show?”

“We go to the same school, asshole.” At the sharpness of your tone he narrowed his eyes again.

“Really? So what were you doing out in the middle of the night last week?”

“None of your business, that’s what.”

“Hate to say it but bitchy little stalkers are my business.” He turned his head as the waitress came with your water, setting it down and looking at you with a confused expression.

“Everything okay here, sweetheart?” She asked you. You licked at your lips and debated telling her that you were being harassed, but you didn’t even get a chance to answer.

“We’re fine, Joyce.” He said with a fake smile and sarcastic tone. She shifted her weight and stared at him for a moment, then you, then him, almost as though she was torn. Eventually she did give into him though, nodding before letting a sigh escape her lips.

“Alrighty then.” She turned to you. “Let me know when you’re ready to order.”

You nodded and looked back down at your lap, and when she left Nathan once again found his intimidating pose in leaning forward. Despite the both of you sitting you felt so much smaller than him.

“You have no fucking clue what you’re dealing with,” He growled in a hushed tone. “Stay out of my way or else.”

“Why are you so angry all the time?” You suddenly asked, and it caught him off guard. You looked up at him. “I’ve seen you twice in the two weeks I’ve been here for. In what fucking world does that count as ‘stalking’ you?”

He scoffed and balled his fists. For the first time it felt like you got him as no response came out, just a pissed off glare. Finally he spoke up again, standing up and scowling down at you.

“Just stay away from me.”

With that the wildfire of a human being stepped away from your table, not looking back as he pushed the doors open and exited with diner. The few people who watched him go turned to look back at you and for a moment your face heated at probably looking like an ass. When the waitress did return, oddly kind with you, you randomly chose the first thing you saw on the menu.

You did not enjoy your meal.

Despite having been sincerely warned to stay out of Nathan Prescott’s ‘fucking way’ the angel guiding your life seemed to not care whatsoever about your well being. After talking with him face to face that first time you tried your hardest to not see him, not talk to him, not cross paths, but it felt like you were just seeing him more and more. You locked eyes in hallways, bumped shoulders walking in and out of classrooms, and at one point he almost hit you with his car while you were walking through the parking lot. Even outside school it was as though you couldn’t be anywhere without seeing his car, seeing him walking, or even entering the same place as him. Thankfully he didn’t feel the need to threaten you again, however. In return you hauled ass the moment he arrived or changed direction upon seeing him.

As much as he scared you it was almost comical how ironic it was given he’d warned you to stay away from him and as fate would have it you only ran into each other more often. He seemed equally pissed each time but hadn’t yelled at you save for a few ‘watch where you're fucking going’s here and there.

You were waiting for your friend after class once again, leaning against the front of your car while idly messing around on your phone. Most of the students had cleared out now, the parking lot fairly empty except for the teachers who hung around after class and those who had in school assignments to be spending their time on. Your friend was one of those people unfortunately, and you were her ride, so you were stuck in waiting for her to be done with whatever it was her teacher was making her do for just some measly extra points.

However you grew bored and groaned, eyes scanning over the door in hopes she would just magically walk out and you could go home for the day. You shoved your phone in your pocket and pushed off your car, kicking at some rocks beneath your feet and wondering where you should walk off too to waste time. In the distance you could see those rocks you had been sitting at nights ago and they looked as welcoming as they had the first time, so you pulled your phone out, shot your friend a quick text, and made your way over to them. You’d still be doing almost nothing but at least this way you had a nice view.

As you walked across the parking lot and stepped into the grass you could hear a commotion nearby. Fear struck at your heart at the thought of there being yet another fight on campus grounds. When you pinpointed the area you’re curiosity got the better of you and you came closer, barely brushing by one of the few parked cars. Not far away you could see two people- one of them you recognized to be Nathan, and the other looked like some sort of security guard. They were arguing, and for once you were actually witnessing Nathan being the one who get’s his ass chewed out. He seemed to be arguing back, however, hands balled into fists and shoulders tense. You didn’t dare get closer in fear that you’d get roped into the argument but as your luck would have it the security guard looked up from the teen and right at you. He pointed a finger.

“You,” He hollered. “New kid! Get over here!”

Nathan turned at the man’s words, looking to see who he was referring to. When he found it was you for a moment his eyes widened and then they rolled, his expression utterly annoyed. “She’s got nothing to do with this.” You heard him say as you slinked closer.

“Oh yeah, I’m sure.” The man said sarcastically. Cursing at yourself for being so nosy you slowly made your way to the pair, heart thudding in fear that you’d get in trouble for something you never did. It seemed like that was a growing pattern as of late.

When you stood beside Nathan you looked at him through the corners of your eyes and he huffed.

“There’s no point in lying. I know you two are involved somehow.” The security started bluntly. Both you and Nathan gaped at him. “Now, you two have been trying to keep it down but you can’t fool me none. Where one of you is, the other is always around. I’m not sure what it is you two are planning just yet but know I will find out.”

“Me and Nathan?” You said in disbelief. “We barely know each other!”

“Don’t you give me that missy. I see everything, and it’s only a matter of time before I know everything too.”

“You’ve got it so fucking wrong,” Nathan grumbled, rubbing his hands over his face in irritation. “You all think you’re some fucking detectives but you don’t know anything.”

“Then enlighten me, Prescott.” The guard challenged, overlooking his crude language.

Nathan sneered at him. “How about instead I’ll have my dad fucking fire you.”

Mentally you were rolling your eyes at the ‘my daddy will get you’ card but on the outside you were staring at the ground, not wanting to get in between their very obviously person argument. Some part of you was wondering how this came to be, how the choices in your life led you to be mistaken for not only Nathan’s friend, but his accomplice in whatever the hell he was doing. You wished you could disappear.

“We’re not friends.” You dared to mumble, half of you wanting to be assertive and the other half wanting to stay silent and get this over with already.

“Really?” He asked skeptically, obviously not believing your statement. “Then explain why you’re always together.”

“We aren’t, you ass.” Nathan grumbled.

“Well I didn’t ask you now, did I?”

You swallowed, trying to think of a way out of this. An idea popped into your head and you prayed that it would suffice enough to get not only you but also Nathan out of this situation. He was a jerk and you hoped to never see him again but you could also tell this guard made him just as uneasy as you.

“We’re partners for a project. We can’t go to one another’s houses so instead we’ve been trading information back and forth between classes.”

The guard narrowed his eyes, biting at the inside of his cheek. “How come you don’t go to each others houses. Ain’t that whats projects are for?”

“Like I said,” you began, looking at Nathan then turning your gaze back to the guard. “We aren’t friends.”

The guard took a few moments to bounce the thought in his head. For a moment you were terrified he would catch you in your lie since you didn’t have classes together and he obviously knew where you were at most times, but it seemed being new to the school was a benefit. He hadn’t yet figured out all your classes.

“This true?” He asked, turning his attention to an oddly silent Nathan.

Nathan offered a glance before nodding. “Sure is.”

For a few moments the guard didn’t say anything or leave, looking at the two of you back and forth. Finally he huffed in what sounded like some sort of defeat, straightening his back. “Very well then. You two are free to go for now. I’ve got my eye on you.”

The thought of being watched by the school's head of security was something you did not want to be always thinking about but you took the leave, quietly thanking him and turning on your heel to get the hell out of there. You heard feet following behind you, then a hand grasping at your shoulder.

You stopped, turned, and groaned to see Nathan. “Look just leave me alone, man. I didn’t want to get involved I swear.”

“That was a good lie,” He said to your surprise. “Sucks to know he’s gonna figure out you’re full of shit, though.”

You scoffed and shook your head. “You too, asshole. Leave me alone.”

“No, no, no,” He raced to get in front of you, stopping you from trying to walk away from him. “Madison doesn’t fucking stop, and when he figures out you lied to him,” he faked an exaggerated laugh. “You’re in for some shit now.”

“What, are you warning me?” You asked, glaring at him and trying to pass. He stepped in front of you again.

“I’m just telling you the next time you think I need your help at least think of a lie that’s got some fucking substance.”

You stared at him. “Are you serious? You think I did that because you needed my help? I did it because that guy scares me and I wanted to get away. I couldn’t care less if you did or didn’t get in trouble.”

Nathan shoved his hands into his pockets, that same silently dangerous expression coming back. He took a few steps towards you, staring you down while you took a few hesitant steps back. Just like back in the diner you felt tiny both on mind and stature compared to him, even if he was built like a twig. For a moment you were scared he was going to hit you but the movement never came.

“Don’t expect the favor to be returned.” He said sharply. “And watch your back.”

He turned his back on you before you could even think of a reply.

Like before a few days passed, each day feeling longer than the last. The length of your classes were awful and in between them when you should have been conversing with friends you were instead watching over your shoulder, heart dropping when you’d occasionally see Madison watching the crowds of teens from the corner of the hallways. The upside, however, was that you were seeing less of Nathan. According to your friend he had been skipping classes of late, getting into some real ‘deep’ trouble. You didn’t tell your friends about your run in’s with Nathan since you knew their stance on him. He was a rich kid asshole, he was a villain, an irredeemable dickhead. The rumors were true, he was all those things. But at the same time he was also… More. You couldn’t place it. He’d been nothing but bad to you but all those time he’d looked into your eyes, mustering up the darkest expression you’d ever seen, you’d also seen something among the hate.

Hurt.

You didn’t let that change your opinion of him, however. You’d be happy to not have to see him ever again. Just… some stupid part of you wished you could get to know him a bit more, maybe even get on his good side if he had one. But those thoughts were quickly brushed away when you remembered how so far every single run in you’d had with him was nothing but bad.

Sitting on the rocks, that picnic table he had sat at only a few yards away, you sighed. Scribbles, song lyrics, and random phrases littered the pages of the notebook you held, partially hard to see thanks to the setting sun. From the school yard you could hear a few students talking, a few others shouting and laughing. Friday was always a day all the students enjoyed and stomached willingly staying after class to discuss weekend plans. You, however, just wanted to get some peace and quiet. Sure you loved your friends and most of your classmates but you needed some alone time to think about academics and ‘other’ things. Most of the thoughts you had were settled down to pen and paper, the other half just buried. Good times.

“Isn’t that the new girl?”

Though you hadn’t been listening in on the conversations before this particular line, spoken from a male, caught your attention. Another male, who you assumed was his friend, laughed in amusement.

“I think it is.”

Muscles tensing you prayed they wouldn’t talk to you but you could hear them getting closer, small snickers and audible shoves getting louder. Eventually two hefty shadows came to rise behind you.

“What’cha drawing?” One sang, and in response you leaned forward a bit and quickly tried to fold your notebook shut. Before you could, however, a hand snatched it away from you. Immediately you shifted to turn around atop your rock, standing up and staring up at the person in front of you. Him and his friend were football players, wearing their varsity jackets and ugly grins. “Come on,” he sang, grabbing one end of the cover so the rest fell open. You reached for it and he lifted his hands, his height not allowing you take it back. “Ah, ah, ah, share with the class!”

“Give it back.” You demanded, frowning. You never considered yourself entirely weak but fighting two large football players was definitely out of the question. Strength alone was not going to get you your stuff back.

“Why?” His friend laughed, taking a turn in flipping through the pages. “You hiding some pervy drawings in there?” His friend laughed and made a ‘scandalized’ expression.

Face heating, you crossed your arms.

“You totally are!” He said at your reaction. You leapt forward and tried to catch him off guard but failed.

“No, I’m not!” You yelled as you regained your footing. “I just don’t appreciate giant dicks looking through my stuff!”

The first male, a blond, made a cat’s meow. “Giant dicks, huh?”

You crossed your arms again, not answering.

“I’m sure you’d love some giant dick,” his friend taunted. He shook your notebook and stared at it, then you. “How about we make a deal?”

The blond, at his friend's words, whistled and laughed. You, however, were not nearly as happy as he was. Both in shame and also anger you were blushing furiously, hands shaking. You suddenly wished you hadn’t told your friends you needed some alone time. The males suggestion made your stomach churn.

“What if I say no?” You managed out through your tensed jaw. He tossed some ideas around in his mind, head moving from shoulder to shoulder. He suddenly grinned widely then pulled a lighter out from his pocket. You gasped and almost jumped at the thought of him burning it. He saw the fear in your eyes and snickered.

“So,” he hummed. “What’s it gonna be?”

“How about you leave her the fuck alone?” A voice suddenly piped. All three of you were shocked by the interruption and the pair of boys turned, you looking past them. Your throat went dry at the sight.

“Nathan?” The blond gasped, thrilled at the sight of him standing with his hands shoved into his pockets.

“My man!” The blonds friend shouted, turning his back to the Prescott and then taking a few steps back in order to loosely hang an arm around his shoulder. “You got here just in time! The fun was just about to start!”

However Nathan did not seem to be nearly as amused and gleeful as the two players were. He shoved the boy off of him with what almost seemed like disgust, leaving the other staring at him in confusion. He slowly made his way around the player, seeming to separate you from them.

“Back off,” He growled, turning so his back faced you. “And I said leave her alone.”

The two boys traded glances and the blond forced a laugh.

“Seriously?” He asked with a rose brow. “You’re defending some no name?”

“Did I fucking stutter?” Nathan retaliated, and you could tell he had his eyes narrowed in that same threatening way.

Once again the pair glanced at each other before the one holding your notebook seemed to give in, obviously knowing something you didn’t about Nathan. He tossed your notebook on the ground roughly and then put his hands up as they both backed away, turned, and left while mumbling things under their breath.

With your notebook at his feet, Nathan kicked it in front of you. “Grow a backbone.” He grumbled while you bent down to pick it up and brush the dirt from the covers. You huddled it to you chest.

“They’re both almost a foot taller than me! ‘Grow a backbone’, they’d kill me!”

“They’re all talk. Everyone here is, you should keep your fucking eyes open.”

You frowned and stared down at the ground, the tip of your foot kicking at some of the blades of grass. “Why did you step in?”

Somehow through your hushed tone he still heard you and leaned his head onto one shoulder. “Consider it your only thanks for ‘sargent madison’. He hasn’t bothered either one of us yet so it seems like you're awfully thought out lie worked.”

You licked at your lips and looked up at him, and sure enough he looked just as angry as always. However you did take note that for once this time the anger wasn't directed at you. Still, you decided to poke the bear.

“I thought you said to not expect the favor to be returned.”

He squinted at you and then scoffed. “How do you know I just don’t like bullying jocks?”

“Because if you were bullying them you wouldn’t have done it in my defense.”

“Don’t say shit like you know what I’m doing.”

“Alright then, what were you doing?”

His hands tightened in his pockets and you felt that same wave of danger again. “You are such a bitch, you know that?” He hissed. “I fucking save your pathetic ass from a couple of nobodies and instead of thanking me you analyse me.  Newsflash, ___, I don’t need you to be trying to fucking figure me out.”

You stared at him for a few moments, his words seeming to fly right over your head. The things he was saying were making no sense, and it suddenly struck you that perhaps he was venting in some way.

“I wasn’t analyzing you.” You stated, taking a moment to sit back down on the rocks.

“Why not?” He huffed. “Everyone else is!”

“Because I’m not your therapist.”

His pointed expression seemed to soften for just a moment and he looked away from you, sighing. “Good. I don’t need your help.”

Again, you had no idea what he was talking about, but it was very apparent something more was going on with him. You decided to not take him so personally.

“Then you won’t get it.” You flipped through your notebook to make sure everything was still intact. “You’re clearly capable of taking care of yourself.” You weren’t looking at him but you could tell he had his eyes on you again. In your thinking, however, something seemed to strike you. You looked up at him. “How did you know my name?”

At first he didn’t answer, instead just glaring down at you. Then he shrugged. “Madison.”

“No,” You shook your head. “Madison only called me ‘missy’. He never said my name.”

He grunted. “I’m not sure what the fuck you’re on but we sort of go to school together.”

“Yeah and we don’t share a single class. We’ve never even talked before aside from you threatening me in the diner.” For a moment it seemed like he forgot about that instance, and then when he remembered he ran a hand through his hair. “So tell me, how did you figure out my name. You don’t seem like the type to go around asking people.”

“None of your business, that’s how.” He grumbled.

“Hate to say it but angry stalkers sort of are my business.” You stood from the rock and slowly stalked towards him. At mocking his statement from the diner he eyed you with an odd expression, one you hadn’t ever seen before. For once he seemed like he was on the other end of the stick, shoulders tense in defense but no words leaving his lips. Even though he was taller than you he still seemed smaller than you’d ever seen him, like you’d caught him red handed. The question was what you caught him for in the first place.

“I told you before, I have eyes everywhere.” He finally answered, but it was weak.

“Nice cop out.” You said, then sighed, a twinkle of amusement in your eye. “You were asking around about me, weren’t you?”

He rolled his eyes and grunted again, taking a step back and shaking his head. “You are so full of it.”

“You are too.”

Nathan remained silent and you did too, the both of locked in a strange feeling moment.

He was the first to break it, however, turning his head away and wiping at his mouth impulsively. “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“You told me that already.”

“And I fucking meant it. Shit’s serious, got it?”

“What,” you started incredulously. “And you’re worried I’ll get hurt?”

“Jesus christ, ___,” He huffed. “Is this some sick game to you?” He turned his back to you and then rolled his shoulders. You shifted your weight and looked back down at your now safe notebook. He’d been the one to stand up for you thankfully, and even though it sort of creeped you out to think he’d been watching you as of late, you still couldn’t help but feel just a tad special. Nathan Prescott had gone out of his way to save you from the big bad bullies.

“Whatever’s going on,” You dared to start, now feeling a bit bashful. “thank for you helping me.”

He turned back towards you and sighed, his edges once again starting to soften. He truly was a firecracker of a person, someone who could cycle between emotions like they were on and off switches.

“Yeah,” He huffed. “Whatever. Just don’t go telling stories to all your little hipster friends.”

“Sure thing. Last thing you’d want is for news to spread that Nathan Prescott’s going soft.”

“I am not going soft.” He growled suddenly, and just like before he was mad again. You felt like you were going to get whiplash.

“Alright then, I believe you.” You bit at your lip. “But I’m serious, y’know? Thanks for getting them off my back.”

“They aren’t off your back.” He retorted. You tilted your head and he sighed. “If anything you’re more of a target now than ever.”

Your heart felt like it was going to drop. “Damn it.”

“Could you at least fucking try to not piss your pants?” He teased, and it felt odd for him to say something like that in a non malicious way.

“Well what am I supposed to do? I can’t fight people, and it’s not like you’re going to be there to ‘save me’ again.”

Nathan narrowed his eyes and shifted his weight. “You’ll be fine.” He said. You looked up at him at his tone, which was for once, almost genuine. He still sounded annoyed, like your fear of being constantly harassed made no sense, but overall he seemed like he was actually talking to you like a person. “Just don’t be a smartass all the time.”

“I’m guessing you a get a free pass then?”

“Only to everything.” Despite the obvious brag he didn’t seem to proud of his status, and you wondered if you ever would get the story behind that. You wondered if you would ever even be his friend.

You took a moment to gaze around, seeing all the students still talking in the distance. The jocks were nowhere to be seen but your eyes did catch on something even worse.

“Madison,” You warned suddenly. Nathan knit his brows and you swallowed, eyes frantic. “Madison’s coming.”

He looked over his shoulder and groaned, rubbing his face. “Damn it.” He looked at you then turned, taking a few steps to the right. Madison was gaining momentum now, obviously having saw the interaction and not happy as all. Now it definitely looked like you two were involved in something.

“I’ll tell him I was being harassed when you came to talk and you helped, and then you left. Nothing suspicious.” You said, nudged your head to the side to wordlessly suggest he take off.

He licked his lips and then nodded. “Thanks, just don’t-”

“Expect the favor to be returned. Got it.”

He offered you a nod of thanks before jumping off his feet and hurrying to the side of the school. Madison’s head watched him go but he didn’t follow, going right for you.

You were nervous and trying to think of the right words to say, and it occurred to you that now you weren’t just protecting yourself. You were protecting Nathan too, and for some reason you had no problem with it. Despite not ‘expecting the favor’ to be returned, you know it would in some way. You just hoped it would be in the form of nicer treatment.

Nathan disappeared behind the building and you felt at ease that he was out of the line of fire. Madison was feet away, and even though you knew you’d probably get yelled at, you felt better knowing Nathan had made his getaway.

[bba-sae]

Battlefield(Preview)

Pairing: Yuta/Reader

Genre: RA!YUta

Word Count: As of now: Around 4K, will probably end up being around 10K

Summary: Some feuds can only end the hard way.

Release date: [Soonest]: End of this week [Latest]: Early November

Author’s note: Hey friends, it’s been awhile since I’ve posted something and I wanted to let you know that I am writing. I’m actually working on like 4 different thing. but I’ve been working on this one for awhile, so I figured I would give you guys a preview. Let me know what you think of it, if I should even finish or just throw it in the trash. Your comments will help determinehow soon I’ll finish(: 

There’s a funny thing about feuds and how word of it spreads like wildfire.

 Freshmen know not to mention it on their first day, advisors shy away from confronting the subject, too scared to figure out the details and the other RAs simply watch the mess unfold, piece by goddamn piece.

But right in the middle of the storm, was where you stood looking through eyes of pure, unadulterated hatred. From your fingertips, you conjured a tempest of preposterous strength, leaving no mercy for the ones who are reluctantly pulled in. Though, the turmoil caused could by no means simply be produced by you alone; for every war starts with two sides plotting. In this case, the opposition took form in a heathen by the name of Yuta.

An arrogant fucker he was.

The mere thought brought a pounding surge through your head, rendering you irked beyond your limit. No one quite knew the story that manifested such disgust from the both of you, and to be candid, everyone was too scared to ask. The sheer mention of the other already brought a fiery glimmer in each others eyes that further insight might be something of a nightmare.

It had become precedent to keep the your radiuses from overlapping, a rule of conduct established by every committee, board, and student of your university. That was until, unbeknownst to both parties, your choices in residence halls exhibited severe propinquity to the other. Two buildings, adjacent to the others and far too close for comfort. So close, in fact, a few steps out one door lead to the lobby of the other. In the past, the Darley buildings housed best friends as resident assistances that wanted to see each other as often as possible. 

But Darley North also had the hottest girls that Yuta just couldn’t resist, and Darley South’s dorms had to have been the nicest on the campus, you rather enjoyed it’s coziness. Both of you had figured you wouldn’t mind who occupied the building next door, deeming it completely worth it with your respective choices. Both of you have never regretted a decision more in your life.

“He’s in Darley north?” You stare at your friend, shock overcoming your body, mingling with the absolute anger bubbling through you. She shrugged, thinking nothing of it as she replied nonchalantly.

“He’s in Darley north.” She utters, accustomed to your feud and frankly, quite bored of it. 

You clench your fists as you drop it onto the table yet Lisa still doesn’t seem all that phased by it. She has known you for years, the same reaction whenever his name is uttered. “And I’m in Darley south?”

“And you’re in Darley south.”

You take a deep breath, rolling your head back as you lean farther into your chair, “And I have to see him at the meeting?”

“You get to see him at the meeting.” She says instead, always remaining honest about her opinion of the boy. She looks at you with a smile, fully aware of how much Yuta’s undeniable charm gets under you skin. 

“Fuck.” You mutter, already feeling the headache pulse through your temple. You lean into the table, a heavy sigh following your words in despair. 

“That’s what I’ve been telling you to do! I’m surprised you haven’t jumped on the chance to screw a gorgeous piece of ass like that.” Lisa bobs her head as she bites her lip, imagining the boy himself. It wasn’t hard to see that Yuta likely had almost every girl wrapped around his finger, you hated that the most. But even you couldn’t lie to yourself, Yuta was hot shit, and he knew it. But wrath has put it’s own pair of glasses on you, and they definitely weren’t rose tinted. 

You gag involuntarily and glare when you’re through. Lisa rolls her eyes when you speak, your words going in one ear and out the other, “You disgust me.”

“Look, I don’t know what he did to you, and frankly I don’t want to know, but you have to admit, he’s pretty cute. Cocky bastard and all, but still better than all your other options.”

“No never, he’s a pig, and I want to slap that disgusting smirk off his pretty little face every time I see him”

“Awe,” You hear a sinister voice coo from behind you, your fist clench in habit and a pounding rushes through your head. He’s here. You turn around in your chair slowly, craning your neck upward to look at the lord of all fuck boys himself, “You think I’m pretty?” 

Yuta crouches down in front of you, a new level so that he must look up at you. He smiles and tilts his head to the side, hands clasp each other between legs. He’s so close to you, so dangerously close, you swear to god, you just had to move your hand just a little bit and punch him square in the nose. 

But you’ve already been reported from the last party, so playing nice was all you had. 

You let out a deep sigh, closing your eyes and opening them one more time, hoping he was just an annoying figment of your imagination, “Oh yeah, I think you’re absolutely gorgeous.” You reply nonchalantly, tilting your head and squinting your eyes, “if I squint my eyes, like, so much so my eyes are closed and I can stare at that dark void which is ten times more pleasant than your actual presence.” You open your eyes again, and Yuta has a smug smirk on his face again. 

So close, you could punch a tooth out too. “Awe, you think you’re intimidating.” He says again in such a patronizing tone, you almost don’t care about your position as an RA anymore. He gets up from his position, his height towering over your still sitting figure,  “You’re so small, it’s almost like I can’t even see you.”

You shrug and cross your arms, leaning against the table your sat at, “Funny, isn’t that what that girl said when she left your place the other night?” The boy gasps, and all anyone in earshot distance can do is laugh quietly to themselves, 

“Yuta, honey, I have connections everywhere, I hear everything.”

Yuta shifts awkwardly under your mocking gaze before he attempts to compose himself. A loud cackle escapes from Lisa’s throat, her hand being thrown up to cover her mouth. “You kind of set yourself up for that one.” She explains through her fit of laughter. The boy in front of you sends a pointed glare to your friend, sharp enough to shut her mouth.

“I heard you’re in Darley South.” Yuta says as he coughs into his mouth, a nonchalant gaze straying from your figure and scanning the blurbs of people too unimportant to focus on. The two girls in the corner passing whispers of gossip, the young couple struggling to survive their first “study date”, the stoner who’s text book hides just how far away his mind is; all of them seem to blend into colors and patterns in contrast with the details of your face. Of which Yuta has remembered perfectly. He says it’s because you haunt him in his sleep, and you assume it’s another jab at your ego. Yet only he knows that these dreamscapes were of a much different experience. A secret he doesn’t dare to admit. 

“And you’re in Darley North.” You say bluntly, watching his eyes flicker back to you. You stand up to alleviate the daunting height difference, though it doesn’t help all that much. Yuta’s eyes focus into yours, your stare down building up enough tension to suffocate everyone.

“Give up your spot.” Both of you are startled at your synchronization, but neither of you are willing to back down. Within seconds the two of spiral down into a battle of spitfire phrases, no one really knowing when you give yourselves the time to think. The words come out one after another, sharper than the last yet neither of you breakdown your resolve enough to actually be hurt by it.   

“I’ve worked too hard these two years to have my junior of college ruined by a barbarian like you.”

“So have I, you fucking she-devil.”

“Sleeping with the senior resident assistant that assigns us does not count as hard work.”

“Says you, I didn’t get a wink of sleep that night.” Yuta ponders the thought for a moment, a sly smirk ascending on his face. He turns his eyes back to you, a face full of pure disgust staring back at him. “It’s exhausting only giving and not receiving, but I guess you wouldn’t know either side of that.”

“You’re insufferable.” 

“You’re a bitch.”

“Just sleep with each other already.” Lisa sighs before collecting her things in her arms. She stuffs her books in her backpack and rolls her eyes at the two of you. Your blank stares entertain the girl, causing her to stifle a laugh. 

“I have standards.” Yuta retorts, only to be shot down again by your verbal hits. You look at Lisa annoyed before an exaggerated turn of your head brings you back to Yuta. His face contorts in disgust from the proximity of your faces, a faked gesture that Yuta never fails at. “Yeah, they have to be as dimwitted and desperate as he is.” 

“That is no way to speak of your mother.” He feigns authority, trying to imitate a stern fathers voice. He grins, hands shoved into his pockets as he leans, leans so close to you, you feel the demons of impulse take over you. 

You swear it wasn’t really you who punched him in the nose.