#is inherently embarrassing/vulnerable

[eaglestcr]

.

[cryptidmickle]

shadow milk finding pv when he was healer cookie is so interesting to me, and full of drama

[demaparbat-hp]

On your most recent From the Couch post... is that a dragon tattoo I see poking out of Zuko's collar? ...................may we see more of it?

You may see all of it.

[mechanical-artery]

every time i think about posting oc writing i remember that people would be able to read it and then i do not post it

[otamotone-dnp]

everybody talking about how they were embarrassed to tell their family/friends that they’re phannies..that’s why no one in my life knows except my best friend. I have too big of a fear of people knowing my special interests and making fun of me for it to tell anyone else. unfortunately that is a wound left from childhood so no I will not be telling people lmao

[queers-gambit]

Endure and Survive

prompt: ( x4 ? requested ) you need Joel to survive after enduring the unimaginable.

pairing: Joel Miller x female!wife!reader -> only height mentioned: you're shorter than Joel

fandom masterlist: HBO's The Last of Us

word count: 12k+

warnings: obvious spoilers, S2E2 reader insert, Fix It Joel, Joel Miller survives / lives, AU timeline, cursing, mentions blood and injury, guns, dead bodies, parentified!reader, wife!reader, found family obviously - Ellie calls you 'mom'. mentions of explicit material: marijuana / weed, the horses have names idc, established relationship, angst, hurt / comfort, drama, depiction of anxiety and panic attacks, not edited, Lord's name in vain, single Spanish word. imagination, caution, and maturity required. happy but abrupt ending, possible (past) morally grey!reader, petnames.

You woke earlier than your husband as usual, humming in the first streaks of morning light; stretching minimally as to not wake the man beside you, whose bare legs were tangled with yours. However, try as you might, the arm coiled around your waist constricted to a bruising strength; which caused your lips to stretch in a bemused grin.

"Sun ain't up," his gruff, gravely voice grated in your ear.

"Mh," you hummed, "but it is."

"Not if you shut your eyes."

"Still work that needs done."

"C'mon, baby, can spare another hour."

With a sigh, you laid your arm over his, "You know today's not the day for delay." He huffed, knowing you were right. "You know," you turned over in his embrace to greet the lightly tanned face aged with freckles and faint liver spots, decorated with few scars, "should ask Ellie t'go on patrol with you this mornin'."

"Baby."

"Joel."

"She's... Still a bit pissed."

"Okay, but what teenage daughter isn't?" You snickered.

"She ain't mad at you."

"'Cause I let her fight her own battles."

"Oh, so, now it's my fault for wantin' to protect her?"

"I didn't say that," you sighed with a patient smile. "But Ellie's not that vulnerable, green 14-year-old we met in Boston, baby. And... Look, I'm not saying Seth ain't deserve it, but they were walking away. You and I could've gone a different route, you know?"

"As her parents - "

"It's our right to protect our kid," you insisted. "But consider the circumstances, I think you embarrassed her a little."

"How?" You just offered him a knowing look, making Joel groan, "Fine, all right? Fine, I know, it was public - "

"So very public."

"And she was gonna say her own piece... But if not then, when the fuck am I supposed to step in? What he said was homophobic, doll, if we let him get away with it, would've opened the door for him or anyone else to run their mouth."

"We beat the shit outta him in an alley, of course. Or, you know, maaaybe we go out on patrol together and maaaybe they don't come back?"

"Yeah, yeah," he groaned, "but I ain't think."

"That's one thing I love about you - you act first. It's very noble, like you just have this inherent sense of right and wrong. Never really need time to think."

Joel chuckled, "It's too early for the sweet talk."

"It's never too early - especially when you're protectin' our girl. It's hot..."

"You just said - "

"I never said you were wrong, I'm just trying to take Ellie's perspective into account. Look, she's at that age where life feels invincible, where she's been through more than we can truly fathom - so, she feels twice the age she really is. But she's still young, still a trigger-happy-moron and will never stop needing her parents. She just wants to feel like she's a bit of independence, like we trust her to fight her own battles and handle her own shit. I think we're supposed to just... I don't know, keep watch and jump in if she can't handle it. You know? But we gotta give her the opportunity to do it on her own in the first place."

Joel offered you a side-ways glance, "You been talkin' to Gail?"

"Fuck off," you snickered, trying to sit up but being wrangled back into the sheets. "Joel," you laughed, "we gotta get gone. C'mon, you heard what happened last night - "

"Just ten more minutes, baby, please."

"You really wanna risk Maria siccing Benji on us again? I'm pretty sure we traumatized him last time, Maria said he kept asking if that's where babies come from."

You swore his cheeks bloomed brightly, but it was quickly hidden as his face shoved into your neck with a gruff sort of whimper. "Guess not..."

Taking pity, your hands shot into his salty locks to rake your nails over his scalp soothingly. "Ten minutes, handsome, then I gotta get to the stable."

Ten minutes with Joel turned into 30 easily, but it was worth the reprimand from Maria just to be able to get extra time in his arms and peacefully have coffee together before a long day. She asked you to send Ellie to her before she left on patrol, then requested you go with her - if only for your own peace of mind, knowing she's safe. After the previous night's report of a horde of Infected lying in wait under the snow and about 30 other frozen Infected used as insulation, she felt better sending you with the two young adults.

However, during your morning chores in the stables, you were surprised to see Joel, Dina, and Jesse enter together; asking for their usual mounts as the young man leaned on the stall beside you.

You shot Joel an annoyed look, but he just sighed, "I wanted t'go with her, baby, swear; but Ellie had a long night, you know? Should let her sleep a bit."

"Joel."

"It's all right, Dina said she'd go instead."

Your head shook, "Fine, but we're having family dinner tonight - no exceptions. Y'all gotta talk this shit out, okay? The tension's drivin' me insane."

"Me too," Dina quipped with a small smirk.

"Me three," Jesse chimed in, snickering when you and Joel pinned him with looks; only yours was out of amusement and his, out of annoyance.

"Family dinner, kid," he repeated.

You chuckled with Jesse and Dina, asking the young man, "Whatcha need, bud? You goin' with them, too? We sending trios now?"

"Nah, Maria said I'm going with you and Ellie," Jesse informed, and only Dina clocked the way Joel's shoulders released from the perpetual tension they were haunched in.

"Yeah, all right, cool," you agreed with a small sniffle. "Lemme get these two up and out - I'll get our horses after."

"Baby," Joel stepped up, "let Ellie sleep a bit more."

"We'll have her up for 8 o'clock patrol," you nodded, wrapping your arms around his waist to hang off his form and for hands to squeeze your hips. "Now, what're y'all gonna do?"

"Radio in."

"How often?"

"Every 20 minutes, doll."

"And?"

"Stay safe."

"And?"

"Don't be reckless."

"And?"

"Am I forgettin' one of your rules?"

"Mhm, I literally just said it - "

"Oh! I know, I know!" Dina waved her hand in the air, grinning, "Be home in time for family dinner!"

"That's my smart girl," you praised, making the girl preen with pride.

Joel chuckled, "Yeah, sugar, we'll be back in time. Channel 7 for us, right?"

"Exactly," you breathed, sudden nerves spiking to make your face fall as your eyes swept over his face. "Listen to me, don't play hero, Joel, y'all are just scoutin' the area, all right? You get the fuck outta there if something's up, don't try t'fight."

"I know, honey."

"And bring my Dina home in one piece, please. Preferably, fully thawed and unscathed."

Joel smirked, "Always do. You stay safe, too, baby. Hey - keep an eye on my wife, kid," he directed at Jesse.

"She's the one with a quick drawl, usually saves my ass," he mused.

"Then don't need saving," Joel warned in a growl.

"Yes, sir."

"Okay, that's enough," with a chuckle, you patted Joel's waist and released him. In an effort to help you all identify one another when out there, you informed, "Dina, you're on Butterscotch, Joel, I got you on Cooper. Jesse, you're gonna be on Dewey, I'll put Ellie on Bean, and I'm taking Luxor."

Dina smiled as she approached her horse, "Thanks, Y/N. We'll be back soon."

"Yeah, I'll grab Ellie and meet you at the gate," Jesse agreed.

"Oh, uh, Maria wants a word before we go - so, can you make sure Ellie sees her?"

"Yes, ma'am. Where at?"

"Uh, probably the cantina - Tommy's gonna address the people, she'll be there with Benji."

"Right. On it," he offered you his fist to bump before heading out of the stable to do whatever he needed prior to patrol.

"Hey," Joel muttered, earning your attention, "you look worried. You good, baby?"

"Yeah, just... Something in the air, I guess." You glanced at Dina a few stalls up, lowering your voice, "It's remindin' me of KC, you know? Them fuckers lying in wait underground?"

"I know, baby, me too."

"And after Ellie's report, sounds like they're evolvin'. Joel, just... Be careful out there, all right? Don't take any chances, please, and just - look, I know you're not one to run from danger, but things are different now. You don't always gotta be so brave and tough, sometimes it's for the greater good to just run."

"I'll keep Dina safe, we won't take no risks, sweetheart. Promise."

"Good," you sighed. "C'mere, besos, please."

"Lessons with Tommy payin' off, I see," he grinned with pride. "Love hearin' you talk like that, baby, does somethin' t'me."

"I know, that's why I'm learnin'," you whispered, lifting to your toes in order to press a kiss to his lips. "Love you, handsome."

"Hm," he kept you close, stealing another kiss, "love you more, sweetheart. You be careful, too. We got dinner plans."

"Exactly. Now, go on, get gone, the sooner y'all head out, sooner you'll be back, right?"

"In theory."

"Make it in practice," you snipped, smirking into one final kiss. Joel sighed and released you, turning to grab Cooper. You left Luxor on cross ties to walk the pair to the front gate; hand laced tightly with Joel's as the three of you made mindless conversation about whatever you planned for dinner. You gave Dina a leg-up into her saddle, bidding, "Stay safe, kid."

"Always am," she smiled.

"Fuckin' liar, just listen to Joel, please, c'mon," you snorted, making her laugh as you turned for your husband.

"I'll see you soon," he assured, pecking your lips before hauling himself to Cooper's saddle. You frowned and kept pace with his side, calling for the gates to open. "Love you, baby," Joel hushed as he nudged his horse forward.

"Love you," you called, keeping the nerves out of your tone; watching them through the gate as the air turned poignant. You couldn't pin point it, but something felt... Strange. Off. Odd. Unsure and disproportionate. You heard the gate guards announce their departure, watching them for only a few moments before gesturing for the door to close up.

You missed the way Joel turned in the saddle to catch the last fleeting glimpse of you before the wood cut off all sight. Dina smirked, "Dude, you're whipped."

"Got a lady like mine, you would be, too. Now, c'mon."

Ellie pinned you with an unamused glare as she and Jesse approached about an hour later, taking hold of Bean's reins while snipping, "Really? You tell Seth to fucking apologize?"

"What's that?" You blinked.

"You said Maria wanted to talk to me - it was so Seth could apologize or whatever."

"Oh. Hm..."

"You didn't know?"

"Nah, kid, Maria just told me she wanted a word before we left," you informed, letting Jesse take the reins of his horse, Dewey. "I've learned my lesson 'bout askin' stupid questions. Usually, questionin' Maria is stupid."

"Right," she sighed, watching you from her own saddle as you mounted Luxor. The three of you moved together out of Jackson's gates, hearing the guards announce the departure, and venturing into the vast, open nothingness. Ellie eyed the grey skies wearily, asking you, "Are we worrying about that?"

"Nah, should just be up in the mountains," Jesse answered for the both of you - but for an unshakeable reason, you couldn't agree.

"Fucking hope so," Ellie mused. "Ten seconds in, I already can't feel my ass."

"You get some breakfast, babe?" You asked, eyeing Ellie.

"Huh? Oh, uh, no, but I'm all right."

"Fuck that," you sighed, reaching for the saddle bag. "Here, I got, uh... It ain't much, but eggs are good protein."

"Oh..." Ellie accepted the two hard boiled eggs you produced; unwrapping the cling wrap to hand back. Supplies were few and far between, everyone saving whatever material they could for repeat use after cleaning it. "Thanks, Y/N." You nodded, nudging Luxor into a trot. "Hey, uh... You let Joel and Dina go alone?"

"'Let'?" You snorted, "C'mon, honey, you know either of them to do anything I say?"

"Joel, yes... Dina... Not so much."

You and Jesse chuckled, turning off towards Cottonwood as a harsh, bitter wind swept over the three of you. It felt like the hand of Death; doing what you could to ignore your anxiety.

Amy's radio transmission barely reached you as the blizzard had rolled over the town you trotted through. She called for all patrols to return to Jackson, but the wind, snow, and frigid temperatures prevented your escape; already a couple hours from home base. Naturally, you were the decision maker and informed Amy you'd shelter in place until the worst of the storm had passed, leading Jesse and Ellie towards one of the cleared-out garages you knew of in the ghost town.

The horses were left with a supply of hay, knowing they needed rest and fed before attempting to brave the weather back to Jackson. You were familiar with this particular area after clearing and securing it just that past fall with Jesse, the two youngsters following you at a jog for the usual convenience store patrol members had commandeered. You yanked the door open, met with the sweeping smell of stale weed and seeping snow; panting as you slammed the door and dropped your pack almost instantly.

"You good? You all right?" You checked the kids, watching Jesse nod as Ellie was stalking around the rows of growing marijuana plants.

"Am I fucking hallucinating?" She asked gleefully.

"Maybe. Do you see a 7-Eleven full of weed?" Jesse mused, trailing after you towards the radio.

"Yep."

"Then no," he sighed, kneeling before the wood stove. "Hey, Y/N?"

"Yeah, honey?" You asked, turning the radio dial with a single headphone pressed to your ear.

"Whatchu want me to do 'bout this?"

Glancing over, you tried to wrack your memory, "Nothin' viable in there?"

"Some but not much."

"Try to light what you can," you nodded. "There's spare wood in the back. With luck, it's still dry."

"All right, yeah," he panted, the cold blistering as it seeped into all bones and cracked drying skin.

"How'd you know about this place?" Ellie wondered, still admiring the stoner's paradise.

"Eugene," Jesse answered with an undertone of remorse. Ellie's face fell, recognizing the name from the many times Dina had mentioned the old man. "He was my first patrol partner. One day, he showed it to me, said he found it a year earlier when he was on a solo patrol. Swore me to secrecy. Said Maria wouldn't be supportive of his, uh, farming."

"What about you, Y/N?"

You just shrugged, "I know everything, kid. Was a young thing in the '90s, I know what's up."

Jesse snickered as Ellie went quiet; making the lad look up in curiosity only to spy her at a spare table, examining an old medallion similar to a dogtag. He asked, "You okay?"

She paused, then breathing, "Yeah."

"Y/N, you got a lighter?"

"Uh, should be one or eight around here, kid," you answered, still receiving only static over the radio.

"Right," he sniffled, rummaging around to locate one with enough lighter fluid.

He got the fire going at last as Ellie questioned, "Eugene was a Firefly?"

"Yup. Just early on, though."

"Served with Tommy," you piped up, sparing a small glance and a smirk over your shoulder before refocusing.

"He quit back in 2010," Jesse continued.

"How come?"

"He said he was tired of killing people. I think he was in Vietnam."

"Oh."

Jesse grabbed a spare blanket, handing it to Ellie and nodding at you while taking a seat before the stove. She stood from where she'd sat on the side of a cot, unwrapping the wool to drape around your shoulders for you. "Thanks, baby girl," you muttered, barely aware of the added warmth.

"Come sit by the fire," she mumbled, squeezing your shoulders before returning to her seat.

It was quiet, the two sat in contemplation. Jesse spoke with bitterness over the haunting memory, "That was a raw deal. Joel having to put Eugene down..."

"Hey," you snapped, looking at him with a fierce side-eye. "Know y'all were friends, but Joel ain't do nothin' but deliver mercy. Eugene had a fuckin' stroke, wasn't easy for anyone involved."

Jesse nodded in agreement, "Just a fuckin' shame. Guy makes it through a war, end up goin' out like that." He sighed, "What are you gonna do? Like Y/N said, couldn't be saved."

"Yeah," Ellie breathed. "Hey, Y/N? ... Y/N? ... Y/N!"

"I got it, I got it!" You cried, radio clearing for a moment. You grabbed the CB, "Joel? Joel? Come in, Joel!" You waited a moment, sliding the headphones over your ears, readjusting on your knees and trying to dial the signal into anything stronger. "Joel, come in! C'mon, baby, answer the fucking radio!" But you only earned more static. "God fuckin' damnit! Told him to check in with me on channel 7 - right, Jesse?"

"Yeah, right, every 20 minutes, ma'am," he shared a nervous look with Ellie. "Look, I'm sure they're doin' the same - sheltering in place - "

"Joel!" You tried again, growling in frustration, "This fucking storm, man, I can't get through - it's all fucking static. Joel! C'mon, come in! Joel, Dina? Hey! Someone fucking answer me! Please!" But there was no answer. "Fuck!" Your fist banged on the bulky machine.

"Try Jackson, we might be in range," advised Ellie, the cold seeping into her lungs to make her voice quake.

You sighed, changing the channel and trying again, "Jackson, come in, Jackson. This is Cottonwood, come in... Tommy? Hey, come in, Jackson! This is Cottonwood... Amy! Amy, can you hear me? Over."

"Think we're gonna be here a while," Ellie mused to Jesse.

"Yeah. Hey, Y/N. C'mon, come get warm - leave the channel open, they'll radio in when they can."

But you were switching back to channel 7, "Joel? Hey, come in Copper Mine, this is Cottonwood. Someone fucking answer me! Joel! Dina! Come in! C'mon, I need to know y'all are okay! Come in, Copper Mine! This is Cottonwood..." But the static mocked you. "Joel, it's Y/N, please, fucking answer! Come in! Joel, please! Over..." You switched back to Jackson's channel, "Jackson, this is Cottonwood. Please, someone, come in! I-I can't get ahold of Copper Mine, please, come in... Amy, Tommy, I can't get ahold of Joel, come in! This is Cottonwood, we're sheltering in place - please, answer! Over..." This continued for another hour before you were gritting your teeth and leaving the channel open, still dialing, calling over the waves every so often - hoping someone, even another patrol group, would check in. But the wind and snow fucked everyone's radio transmission.

Ellie leaned over to Jesse, muttering, "Should we pack her a bowl? Sounds like she needs it."

Jesse snickered and nudged her shoulder, Ellie grinning as she stood to begin snooping; leaving the lad to stretch out on the cot. He watched you for a little bit before slowly shutting his eyes as the wood stove soon warmed them.

"Jesse," a muffled voice leered.

"What?"

"Check it," Ellie encouraged. When you looked up from your place by the stove, finally taking refuge by the heat, you discovered Ellie wearing a refurbished gas mask with a bong attached to the mouth piece.

You couldn't help the bark of laughter, shaking your head as Jesse scoffed and looked away from the sight.

Ellie giggled, yanking the mask off, "Did he make this?"

"Yeah."

"I'm taking this with me."

"Uh, no, ma'am, you're not," your smile dropped.

"Oh, c'mon," Ellie whined.

"Listen to your mom, kid," Jesse leered in a bored tone. "You're not taking that."

Instead of correcting him that you weren't her mother (by birth), she just sighed, "Yes, I am. And as much weed as I can shove into my pack."

"Ellie," you scolded.

"You said yourself, you did this shit in the '90s."

Your eyes rolled, "It was a different time."

"I'm still taking it, if the apocalypse isn't the time to get high, I don't know when is."

"Nope," Jesse now chimed, "leave it, Ellie."

"Dude, you're gonna be in charge of Jackson one day, we all know - but that day has not yet come."

"Y/N has superiority, she said - "

But Jesse cut himself off when the radio finally fucking came to life, the static clear - but Amy's voice cutting in and out as she tried to reach your party. He watched as you scrambled to your feet, leaving the wool blanket in place on the floor, and rushed to drop before the machine; knees nearly cracking from the impact.

"Repeat, Jackson?" You called over the CB; trying to carefully enhance the signal.

"Copper Mine, do you copy?"

"Hey! Hey! This is Y/N, you're barely there... Amy? Do you copy? This is Cottonwood. Over."

You waited only a moment, finding a sweet spot to hear the distorted reply, "Y/N, have - Joel or Dina?"

"Repeat? Jackson, come in, you're breaking up! Repeat last message!" You turned the dial with tears slowly gathering out of pure nerves and anxiety.

"Have - heard - Joel or Dina?"

You pieced the message together, nervously replying as Ellie slowly approached your shoulder, "No, why?"

"They haven't checked in," Amy answered. "Are - you - Copper Mine?"

"Fuck," Ellie hissed over your shoulder.

"Amy, repeat?" You pleaded. "Amy!" But the static was back. "Amy, come back!" You released the transmission to growl, "Fucking fuck, fuck, fuck!" Trying again, you begged, "Amy!"

But there was no answer, making you climb to your feet. "Woah, hey, Y/N! Y/N, wait!" Jesse yelped as you snatched your pack from the ground and rushed around the hideout. Ellie was on your tail.

"We're not far from Copper Mine, let's fucking go! We can't leave them out there like this! C'mon!" You barked, hearing him sigh and follow swiftly without protest. Ellie and Jesse followed you out the door, sprinting towards the garage and yanking the nearly iced-closed door up.

"Y/N, hang on a second - "

You snarled, "Fuck that! My husband's out there, Jesse, I'm goin' after them! We don't know how far they got, but they're not back home and they're not radioing in!"

"I know," he agreed as you and Ellie reached for your horses. "Look, the route's an oval around the mine. We gotta split up and come at it from both sides. Northwest and northeast. You two go together, we meet up in the middle."

"We'll take northeast," Ellie agreed, trio leading the horses towards the open door. "How much time do you think we have?"

"Go, c'mon," you directed them, Luxor trained enough to stand as you gave Ellie a leg-up. Jesse was mounting on his own as you answered her question, "If the wind holds steady, maybe 20 minutes."

"You gotta get to the mine by then," Jesse picked up, his authority ringing clear, "Ellie, Y/N, whether you find them or not."

"Yeah, you fucking too, Jesse," Ellie snarled, spurring her horse into the blizzard.

"Go! And be careful!" You demanded, smacking Dewey on the flank to send him and Jesse into the storm. You paused only to pull the garage door back down, Luxor already walking forward; making you jog to keep pace and hop to catch the stirrup. He was breaking into a canter by the time you were seated, spurring the ebony mount after Ellie and Bean as Jesse was cutting to the side.

"Y/N!" Ellie hollered over the wind.

"I'm right here, baby!" You cried, eyes squinted in the stinging, whipping, frigid air. "Don't stop, don't stop, I'm here, just go! C'mon! Stay with me, Ellie! C'mon, cut this way!" You directed Luxor, hearing Bean change direction after you. "We don't stop!" After several minutes, you checked, "Baby girl? You still with me?"

"I'm here!" She called from behind you.

"Keep going!"

"Y/N! The fucking snow - it's too thick! I can't see shit!"

"Don't fucking stop, we'll make it! Just stay with me, baby, c'mon, let's go! We're all right, we gotta make it!" By a stroke of pure luck, you heard a chatter over your radio. "HOLD!" You cried to Ellie, Luxor whinnying in protest as you skidded to a slippery halt; wrangling your hand radio from your belt. In time, you heard Joel, "Y/N? Y/N, come in! C'mon, baby, fucking answer me!"

"Joel!?"

"Y/N!"

"Joel, Joel, I-I copy! I copy!"

"Good t'hear your voice, baby."

"Where the fuck are you!?" You cried, Ellie looking relieved for a split moment before light static was heard instead of his deep, Southern accent. Yet... Something told you this wasn't just silence, but something else. Something worrisome. "Joel? Joel! No, no, no, come back! Joel! Answer me! JOEL!"

"The storm!" Ellie reminded.

"It's not the fucking storm," you panted, confusion marring your usually pleasant expression. You tried again, "Joel, come in! Do you copy!? Joel, please! Baby, fucking ANSWER me!"

Unknown to you, Joel heard your desperate pleas but couldn't answer as Abby and her mini militia had taken a frostbitten Dina hostage; gun to her temple, semi-automatic pointed at him in threat.

"Joel, where are you? Where are you, Joel, fucking come in!" You begged, shaking your head at Ellie as the silence was deafening; own automatic rifle suddenly burning into where it was latched to your saddle, pressing to your thigh. "Fuck! We keep moving - "

"Where?"

"North, c'mon, there's better signal outta the fucking trees. Let's go, baby, keep up!"

"Go! I'm right behind you!"

As a last ditch effort, you held the reins in one hand as the other radioed, "Joel, where the fuck are you!? Please!" You prayed the further north you got, the better signal. "Come in! Baby, please, please, we're fucking worried! Come in, please! JOEL! For fuck's sake!" No response, but you found something in the snow... Tracks. "Ellie! Ellie, follow the tracks - don't lose 'em! They're still fresh!"

You galloped forward, still trying in vain to reach Joel; who was wailing in pain as Abby bludgeoned his blown-out knee to the sounds of your frantic cries of his name. It was almost as if you could sense what was happening, wanting to be there with him in his end Abby promised to bring.

"Y/N, LOOK!" Ellie called, pulling her horse to a rearing-halt, eyes in the distance from mid-hill you climbed. "FUCKING STOP AND LOOK!"

"Ellie, we don't got time! The snow's gonna cover - "

"LOOK!"

You yanked Luxor to another halt, whipping him around towards Ellie - but seeing where she pointed. Through the valley, you could make out the sight of Jackson from miles away, mouth agape to gasp, "Oh, my fucking God."

"What the hell is that?"

You blinked back tears, "J-Jackson. Fuck, the Infected, they must've found 'em."

"Wh-What do we do? What the hell do we do, Y/N?" You had to think fast, fear seizing hold of your heart. "Do we go back? Or move on?"

You sniffled, "Tommy's got Jackson - that's the fire, see? We... We move on! We find Joel and Dina, these have gotta be their tracks, baby, we're so close now. We can't stop."

"Y/N..."

"You go back if you want! Back to the fucking 7-Eleven, but I'm not leaving without Joel! Are you with me?"

"What if they're not alone?"

"Then I fucking pray for those stupid fucking souls," you snarled, both hoods drawn in the thick, blinding flurries. "Now are you with me, baby girl?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fucking with you. Let's go."

You spurred Luxor around and followed the fading-fast tracks left in the blanket of crunchy snow. After several yards, you called, "C'mon, keep pace with me, Ellie - don't tire them out too bad, we gotta make the trip home!"

"I'm right here!"

Up the hill, you let Luxor and Bean canter at their set, desired pace; taking your own advice not to tire them too greatly. As you got up to a semi-even outcrop, you saw something over the treetops. "Ellie? Ellie, you see that?"

"What the fuck? What's up here?"

"Lodges? Ski resorts?" You guessed, encouraging Luxor faster.

"Y/N, there! There, look!" Ellie gasped, horses snorting with exertion when you halted once more. "Is that...?"

"Cooper and Butterscotch," you breathed. "Joel and Dina must've taken shelter - c'mon!"

"Why're they here? Copper Mine's back down - "

"I don't fucking care why, Ellie, they're here!" Realizing your tone and how it made the nervous girl frown, you apologized, "I-I'm sorry, baby girl, I'm just - I don't know what's going on. Okay? Something ain't right. Now, c'mon, please, Ellie, c'mon." You eyed the building, an old ski lodge some richie-rich must've owned before the Outbreak. "Hey, hey," you hushed, coming to another halt behind the tethered horses, hand held up with warning, "you see anythin'? Any movement?"

"No?"

"The windows, Ellie. C'mon, honey, use them young eyes for me."

She squinted in the sideways snow, but the reflective windows didn't show anything inside, no movement; making her head shake. "N-Nothing, I don't see anything."

"That's not exactly a good thing," you noted. "Dismount, we go on foot."

"What's the plan, Y/N?"

Your boots crunched into the snow, quickly binding Luxor's reins to the broken-down privacy fence surrounding the lodge's perimeter. Your breath came out in a puff of air, telling her as she followed your actions, "We go in smart. Check the first floor, we move up," you unlatched your rifle from the saddle. "We don't know what the fuck's inside. Don't shoot any movement on sight, we don't know where Joel and Dina are."

"Should you try the radio again?"

You gazed up at the windows, something sickly bubbling in your gut, "No... No, we go in - what if... What if?"

"There's Infected? Joel's got it - "

"C'mon," you worried, nodding at her after you, "I'm not willing to fucking wait."

"Right," she hurried after you.

"Quiet, quiet, quiet, shhh-hh-hhhh" you hushed, racking your rifle in favor of your handgun; reaching for the still in-tact door. It opened easily as if recently accessed, Ellie stepping silently inside after you and catching the door before it slammed shut. You nodded in praise, side-stepping over yourself as the ground floor appeared as just abandoned construction.

Ellie grabbed your sleeve, your worried eyes turning to her, but she silently pointed up towards the ceiling. You tuned in, hearing muffled thumping and feeling all air deflate from your pinched lungs. Worried that it wasn't the usual erratic sound of a feasting Infected, thinking it sounded too timed and planned, you looked back to Ellie - intent to whisper a plan - but she was surging ahead of you.

"Ellie! Stay together! Ellie! Don't!" You hissed, huffing as she disappeared around a corner as the sounds of distant screaming seeped from the floor above you. "Fuck's sake. I'm gettin' too old for this fuckin' shit." You peaked around the immediate corners, not finding any signs of life - but flinching when a gunshot echoed in the space around you. Taking cover, you realized the sounds were coming from up the stairs, gasping in worry for your adopted daughter, "Ellie!" To yourself, you hissed, "Fuckin' told you to stay together, fuck!"

The sounds of a squabble grew louder, Ellie's snarls ringing clear as you swiped the safety off. You followed her wet footprints, discovering an open door leading into the lodge's expansive living room - or perhaps, just one of them. You ducked when movement rushed in a flurry, catching sight of Ellie being wrangled to the ground; a stranger kneeling on her back. However, the worst sight was just beyond; before the vast windows showcasing Jackson's demise, one of the unknown forms moved aside to reveal your husband limp on the ground... Bloodied face seemingly staring out at you. His finger twitched, breathing staggered - and when his lips tugged, knew he saw you. Knew you'd always come for him. Even in a fucking blizzard, even when so worryingly outnumbered... But Joel wouldn't bet against you, no matter the circumstance.

He was overturned on his chest, blood pooling under him, immobile from his shattered leg, and there were at least four - no, no, five, you counted five - bodies inside. You barely remembered protocol, feeling something white-hot and feral burst in your chest upon hearing Ellie struggling and crying. Eyes cast back over Joel and you lifted your gun...

"JOEL!" Ellie screamed from the floor, whose fingers twitched with minimal recognition. "Joel! Joel! Joel, get up! Joel, FUCKING GET UP!"

However, one man roared at her, "Stupid fucking bitch!"

"No! No!" Two men struggled inside, distracting the others.

"Fuck you!" The man with a thin upper lip mustache shoved his companion aside. "The bitch fucking cut me!" You smirked in fleeting pride, amusement dropping when he stomped up to Ellie and swiftly kicked her in the ribs; causing her to choke on the air stolen from her lungs. You flinched at the sound of her cracking rib; Joel's eyes locked on you. The stranger lifted his foot again as if to stomp on her, but his friend - with sandy locks - intercepted him and shoved him back several feet. "I'll fucking kill her!"

"She ain't who we want!"

They all - minus Joel - missed the way you silently stepped in. A hunter, a solider, a mother and wife dead set on protecting her loved ones. You aimed at the most obvious threat after a handgun flashed in one of the men's hands as if to aim at Ellie.

You were well-aware of the dire situation but took a steadying breath and squeezed the trigger, bullet piercing directly through the back of the dark sandy-blonde head; sending a splatter of blood over the ebony haired man's face. "One," you counted.

There was no time as the man looked up at your voice; barrel aimed at him, trigger sounding in a boom. "Two," you counted.

From the shock of your appearance, Ellie managed to wriggle away from woman pinning her to the ground as your sight turned to the other two women across the room. When one lifted from her seat near the fireplace, eyes wide and a plead on her lips, your gun popped off another bullet despite her hands held in defense; catching her in the chest, sending the young girl to her back, choking on her own blood. "Three," you counted.

"MOM!" Ellie screamed, her having been disarmed as the girl with a bald head proved equal strength. Plus, with her ribs, Ellie wasn't much of a fight anyways.

You didn't need to think, gun turning towards her. "Get the fuck off my daughter, bitch," you snarled, the girl with a septum ring's eyes widening at the sight of your angry threat. Another bullet fired, piercing directly between her eyes. "Four," you counted, turning to the last assailant. She was on her feet, handgun pointed at you; but her hands trembled as Ellie scrambled for her gun then found her feet. You sidestepped in front of her, "No, no, all eyes on me. Joel? Joel? Hey, you alive? C'mon! Fuckin' show us you're alive! JOEL! If you're dead, I swear to God - "

He whimpered; relief flooding your system.

"Who the fuck are you?" The girl in a long-sleeve, grey Henley demanded; trying to step around Joel's legs to get a clear shot of Ellie - but you moved with her.

"Aht, aht! Stay right there, don't move." She narrowed her eyes as you asked, "Ellie? With me, baby girl?"

"I'm - I'm here," she wheezed, laying a single hand to your waist.

"You hurt?"

"Yeah," she whispered.

"Hm," you growled, fingering the trigger.

"I asked, who the fuck are you!?" Abby roared, her desperation making her raw and unpredictable. You didn't want to rock this boat too much, not when the threat to your family was alive and real.

"Lookit, darlin', I don't think you're in the position to ask any questions," you warned. "Now... Step away from him. Nice and slow, please. I'm askin' you nicely - "

"No!" She snarled, gun turning to the back of Joel's head; heart leaping to your throat. "You take one step, either of you make a fucking move, and I'll blow his fucking brains out."

"And I'll blow yours," you warned evenly.

"Doesn't matter," she seethed, "'cause I would've done what I came here to do."

"Oh, yeah? What's that? Kill an old man?"

She chuckled ruefully, "Exactly that."

"You wanna tell me why? C'mon, now. I don't wanna have to shoot you, kid, got a real long life ahead of you." When her hands shook with more definition, you snapped, "Hey! Hey! Eyes on me! Back the fuck away from him right now and maybe I'll let you live."

The room's occupants knew it was a boldfaced lie.

Abby panted, quickly glancing around the dead bodies that fell by your hand; giving you a single moment to note the shattered golf club left to the side of Joel, then to the state of him. It didn't take a rocket scientist to piece together what she'd done. "Y-You killed them," she whispered, glare turned back to you; tears in her eyes, upper lip snarled. "You killed them! Mel wasn't armed and you fucking shot her, you bitch!"

"Bet your ass, I did. Didn't even hesitate, now, did I? Y'all were hurtin' my husband."

"'Husband'?" She repeated, scoffing. "Of fucking course. You're who was on the radio, weren't you?"

"That's right. Now... I'll tell you only one more time. Back. The fuck. Away from him. Now, please, I ain't known for my patience!"

"Just fucking shoot her, Y/N!"

"No, Ellie," you growled, aim narrowing. She sobbed behind you, protected by your body; only able to look between the stranger and her adopted father.

"She did that to Joel! FUCKING LOOK AT HIM!"

"I know, I got eyes t'see, honey, but she's just a kid - like you, Ellie," you didn't shift your gaze from the bitch with a braid; knowing no matter what, she was going to die today. By your hand or Ellie's, you didn't know - nor care. You continued, "Tell me why, darlin'. Why're you doin' this? Huh? The fuck could he've done? Hey? C'mon, now! Answer me!"

"It doesn't fucking matter why, Y/N!"

But you were trying to play for time, well aware of the gun pointed at Joel that would only take a fraction of a second to fire, not a whole lot of pressure needed to trigger the bullet. There was a good chance that if you opened fire, she could easily take Joel out; the exact opposite of what you were trying to accomplish. You needed a fleeting opening, anything; just a single moment - a nanosecond - to make your move without jeopardizing Joel's life. Or Ellie's. Or yours, for that matter.

"It matters, Ellie!" You barked. "She's got a reason, I wanna hear it. C'mon, darlin', tell me why! Why're you doin' this?"

"He's a fucking monster," she trembled.

"All right, good, that's a start. What'd he do? Huh?"

"Does it matter?! You're both coldblooded murderers, you don't need any reason!"

"You got a point, yeah. But you obviously got your own. Tell me what that is."

Abby took an unsteady breath in, shaking her head as tears leaked in pathetic trails down her ruddy cheeks. "He killed him..."

"Who?"

"My father - he killed my father and 18 soldiers!"

You breathed, "Oh, yeah? When?"

"Five years ago," she grit her teeth. "In Salt Lake!"

"The hospital?"

She seethed, "He was an unarmed doctor! Shot dead like a fucking animal!"

Her gun straightened at Joel, making you chant, "Hey, hey, hey, yeah, yeah, I remember that, I remember. But you're negating from the fact that they had our daughter." Abby's eyes shifted over to Ellie behind your shoulder. "Hey, eyes on me! Look, I fucking promise you, kid, it wasn't in cold blood - we had real good reason. You with them? You a Firefly?"

"They're all gone, you dumb bitch! Didn't you hear?"

"You all that's left?"

"No," she seethed, "there's more of us... Many more in Seattle, but your little family won't get a chance to see them."

"Sound real certain of that."

Joel groaned from the bloody floor as if trying to call for you. Abby snarled, "I'm the one with a gun to your husband, remember? You fucking blind!?"

"Oh, I'm aware, darlin'. But I don't think you're gonna kill him."

"Why the fuck not? You just killed my friends!"

"'Cause he ain't who you want."

"Oh, yeah?" She scoffed.

"We left them nurses alive, I bet they're who told you 'bout us. Right? Am I right?" Abby's jaw steeled, only inclining her head in confirmation. "Yeah, that's right. You came all the way here from Seattle on a mission to kill him. But here's the thing, darlin', Joel ain't kill your daddy."

"I know he did!"

"He didn't pull the trigger! Your witnesses got it wrong, but that's okay - happens during fits of panic. They don't see the whole picture."

"He shot my father in the head! Like he was nothing! Stepped over him like he wasn't even there and walked out the fucking door! Why shouldn't I do the same!?"

"No, darlin'," you smirked, seeing the rage building in her eyes. Good. It's what you wanted - needed. "No, see, Joel didn't fire the kill shot. I did."

"You?"

"Me," you agreed, chuckling - hoping to blind her with anger from your amusement. "Yeah, I shot your daddy - and just like your li'l friends, I ain't hesitate then, neither. What? You look shocked... You surprised I had the gull to do it? I'll tell you somethin' else, darlin', I didn't even look at him - " Abby cracked with a sob and it was the opening you needed. "C'mon, darlin', take your best shot. Or would you prefer I just shoot you now? Can reunite you with dearest daddy real easy."

The girl laughed, arm shifting a fraction as if debating turning her gun on you, "Like you could make the fucking shot, you old hag - "

Your gun recoiled slightly from being fired, striking Abby in the head; and you counted, "Five." Quickly, you shoved the weapon into the holster on your hip, sprinting across the room to where Joel was somehow still breathing. "Hey, hey, hey, baby, hey," you slid on your knees, Ellie charging in a limp after you, "you still with us? Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. C'mon, Joel! Gotta hang on for me, all right? I-I know you endured so much, baby, but hang on a little longer. Please!"

He made a strangled noise in the back of his throat, making you heave a whimper. "Joel? Joel," Ellie sniffled from her knees at your side, "hey, y-you gotta get up. C'mon, get up - "

"No, no, not yet," you prevented, nodding to the shattered golf club. "Took a fuckin' beatin', Ellie, probably has internal bleedin'. We move him, might make it worse."

"Well, what the fuck do we do, Y/N!?"

"We do nothing - you probably got broken ribs, baby. Fuck," you breathed, looking around the room - something catching your attention. "All right, all right - shit, hang on, stay with him."

"Y/N?" Ellie worried as you found your feet; but her eyes drifted to the movement on the floor. The unarmed girl, Mel, was trying to army crawl through her own blood, sobbing when you stood over her.

"Hey!" You barked, flipping her onto her back, demanding, "Y'all brought med supplies? Right? RIGHT!?"

"Fuck you," she spat.

"You tell me true, doll, I'll help yah."

"Y-You - bitch."

"All right, I'll find it myself," you scoffed, gun back in hand, aiming at her forehead, and firing once. "What were you? Four? No, no, three."

"Y/N!" Ellie sobbed, "He's got a fever!"

"Hang on, Ellie, I got it," you rushed, kneeling at one of the packs - noting the embroidered wolf. There was no questioning it, overturning the pack and rummaging through the contents. Not finding what you needed, you did the same to a second pack; then a third, gasping when it was full of medical supplies. You shifted through it before noting another body in the room right next door. "Shit - Ellie!?"

"What?" She sobbed over Joel.

"Got another body!" It was quiet as you stood with your gun in hand again, aimed at the body before dropping it. "Oh, fuck! It's Dina!"

"WHAT?"

You knelt at her side, checking her pulse and sighing with relief. "S-She's alive! Just knocked out. I got her!" Holstering your gun once more, you grunted and took hold of her wrists to tug the girl into the main room. "All right, honey, just - fuck, stay there, be back for yah." You returned to the medical supplies, tears leaking without consent. "Ellie, here - catch!" Using the hardwood floor to your advantage, you slid supplies her way; not bothering to check if she caught them all or not.

"What do I do?" Ellie whimpered.

"Get over here and check Dina, I got Joel," you scampered across the floor; pair of you switching places. "Hey, hey, do me a favor - get on the radio, get ahold of fucking anyone. You hear me? Use channel 7 to try to get Jesse..." You prayed the lad was smart enough to tune in on the private channel you and Joel used after separating. "All right, all right," you sniffled, caressing your husband's bloody cheek, "baby, hey, hey, can you hear me? Just - Just squeeze my hand, honey, c'mon." When his broken hand squeezed yours, making you sigh, "All right, good, hey, you're - you're gonna be all right. I gotcha, baby, just, um, just hang on for me. Okay? Can you do that?" He squeezed again. "Good boy."

Perhaps his lips twitched in amusement, perhaps not. You didn't notice either way, sorting the supplies - discovering a half-used vial of milky white substance.

"Fucking Propofol? The fuck they doin' with this?" You muttered to yourself, finding a clean needle and drawing it into the syringe.

"What're you doing?" Ellie sobbed, "Y/N? What is that?"

"Tryna save him, Ellie! Radio in! C'mon, baby, I know you're scared - I know that was fucking scary. But I need you to be brave for me right now, Ellie, please. Okay? I need fucking help! Get on the airwaves, all right? Radio anybody!"

"Right, okay, yeah," she sniffled, doing as you told from Dina's side. "Jackson? Jackson, come in!" But there was no answer. So, she switched channels, "Jesse!? Jesse, please, it's Ellie - "

"Ellie? Ellie!"

"Jesse!"

"Where are you!?"

"A-At a lodge! Some lodge, halfway up the mountain! We found Joel and Dina, but w-w-we need help! Like, fucking now!"

"I'm five out!"

You whispered, "I'm so sorry, Joel, I gotta turn you over, okay? I gotta see..." Biting your tongue, you braced Joel and turned him over, whimpering when he hollered in unfiltered pain. "Oh, I know, I know, I know, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry, I know, baby, I know, but I gotta see." You quickly shed your outer coat and bundled it under his head, "You're gonna be okay, hear me? You just gotta hang on f'me, I'm gonna fix this. I'm so sorry, I know," you repeated as you were forced to shred his shirt and reveal the blackening marks on his torso; some turning sickly blue, indicating the internal damage. "Fuck! Okay, okay, all right... I-I can fix this, fuck me, how do I fix this?"

"Y-Y-Y/N..."

"I know, Joel, okay? I know - "

"Go," he croaked, "gotta leave me."

"Fat fucking chance," you snarled.

"'M not makin' it," he whispered, "but you still can."

"I'm not leaving you! You're gonna be okay, I'm gonna fix this!"

"Go, baby," he wheezed, delirium setting in, "take... Take care... Of-of our girl..."

"Fuck that, we're both gonna do that. You understand? Joel, you stay alive! El-Ellie? Hey, h-how's Dina?"

"Waking up, I think."

"Good - hey, here, here," you snatched up a canister and slid it across the floor. "Wave that under her nose, babe, it's smelling salts. Might help her come-to faster."

"Okay, yeah," Ellie sniffled, doing as you bid.

"All right, hey, I-I can't do shit for Joel here - we gotta get him back to Jackson!"

"How?"

"Shit," you sniffled, shaking your head, "I-I don't know. His leg, okay, I can - I can splint his leg - oh, fuck me."

"What?"

You examined the wound between tattered bits of denim, "Looks like they blew his fucking knee out with a shotgun, Goddamnit." Ellie whimpered as you scanned the room, movement in the snow through the window catching your attention. "Jesse's here - "

"What do we do?"

"We need help," you nodded, "yeah, yeah, so... We're gonna send Jesse back to Jackson for aid."

"What about us?"

"We stay here - keep Joel warm. Remember? After the university?"

"Yeah," sniffled Ellie. "Y-Y/N, I can't lose him."

"Me neither, baby, so we're gonna help him, right?"

"Do you know how?"

"I'm workin' on it," you whispered, looking around the room.

"Y/N!? ELLIE!?"

"UP HERE!" You bellowed through the open door, stumbling to your feet. With a grunt, you smashed a wooden chair to the ground; shattering it to pieces and collecting viable planks of wood. "Okay, okay, okay," you rambled, returning to Joel's side, "hey, Joel, baby, I-I gotta splint your leg. Okay? Oh, this is gonna fucking hurt, I'm so sorry."

"Y/N," he whispered hoarsely, "don't. Just... Go..."

You glared and shook your head, knowing your next move was a risky one. "Fuck that, you and I go out together. All right, I got an idea. Gonna put you to sleep, honey, but it'll be okay. Hear me?" You hovered over his swollen, bleeding face, "You're gonna be okay, I promise, you'll wake up. Just gotta get you outta pain - then we'll get you home. Okay?"

"Baby," he slurred, "please."

"Oh, I know, sweetheart, I know, but just trust me." Joel's hand twitched and you snatched it in yours, lifting to your lips and pressed a series of kisses to it. "Please, Joel, I need you to fucking survive. You don't get to leave me, I-I need you. Hear me? Okay? Just trust me, I'm gonna get you help. Endure and Survive, right? Remember? Endure and Survive, Joel!"

He nodded as best he could, eyes fluttering as Jesse came sprinting into the room. "Holy... Shit..." He paused to take in the sight of fresh carnage. "What the fuck happened?"

Ellie sobbed over Dina, who was finally waking; and you were pressing the needle to Joel's vein and administering the anesthesia. "You're gonna be okay, baby, I promise, I swear, can't leave me - not like this. You're gonna wake up," you whispered to him, watching as his eyes fully shut and he went slack with slumber. "Jesse! Get over here, man, I need help!"

"What the fuck happened?" He repeated, jogging across the floor while dropping his pack - shoes squeaking in halt when he caught sight of Joel's injuries. "Oh, my fucking God - "

"Help me splint his leg, please! Fuckin' please! C'mon, we don't have time!"

"Right, okay."

Together, you and Jesse constructed a splint out of the chair debris and a torn sheet from the other room. You knotted it where you could, watching Joel's face for signs of pain - but he didn't twitch, only breathed shallowly. Your eyes met the lad's and admitted, "I-I don't know what to do next. How do we get him back to Jackson, Jesse, please?"

"We ride like hell," Jesse answered.

"He shouldn't be upright and bouncing around!"

"We got another choice? I can ride back, but time's workin' against him. We could try to build a sled, but - "

"We search the house first and if there's nothing, he rides with me. Luxor and I are fastest."

"There we go," he agreed, already rocketing to his feet.

"Ellie! Watch them!" You commanded as you and Jesse set out to ransack the lodge for anything that you might use to tote Joel. By stroke of fucking luck, in the basement, you found what the previous owner's kids must've used to skate down the icy hillside; figuring it was good enough to use now. After locating Jesse, the pair of you assembled the shed and tug ropes behind Luxor and used found pillows and blankets to line it; then rushing back inside.

"We can both get him down the stairs," Jesse panted.

"We're gonna have to."

"I can help," Ellie stood, Dina leaning against the wall as she regained her strength.

"Fuck it," you breathed, waving her towards Joel, "let's go!"

It wasn't easy; Joel being a grown man of pure muscle and the three of you with only minimal strength. Yet your adrenaline made you feel like Bruce Banner; letting Ellie support his shattered, shot leg out straight as you and Jesse upheld his torso. Down the stairs and out the door, you drug Joel into the sled and immediately covered him with the blankets as Jesse went back for Dina. It wasn't perfect, but it was good enough - forced to leave Joel to help Ellie into Dewey's saddle.

"Wait, wait, wait - "

"Please, Ellie, don't fucking fight me, you're injured, baby, you ride with Jesse. Dina'll be all right, I promise - but we gotta go. Now, okay? Before the blizzard kicks up again."

Ellie nodded through her tears as the other two finally made it back. You explained to Jesse the plan and helped Dina into Butterscotch's saddle, ensuring her balance before telling them to get going. Leaving everything else behind including five corpses, you checked on Joel to make sure he was still breathing; kissing his forehead and muttering promises and apologies as you took your place at Luxor's side.

With a heavy sniffle, you begged the horse, "Don't fail me now, buddy, we gotta save him. C'mon - nice and easy, right? Together... Let's go."

You navigated the mountain on foot, keeping Luxor at an even pace while simultaneously ensuring Joel didn't slide away or topple over. It was frustrating to go so slow, but necessary; and the moment you were on level ground, doubled back to cover Joel's head before hoisting yourself into the saddle and spurred Luxor forward.

Snow was kicked up over Joel, but you had wrapped him tightly for protection; soon passing Jesse, Ellie, and Dina to gallop for the smoking town in the distance.

With shot nerves, you navigated through the makeshift hospital of Jackson; steaming mug of coffee in hand as your feet shuffled down the hall to the last door on the right. A voice called your name, making you pause and look back to spy Jesse approaching you with three wrapped plates stacked on top of one another.

"What's that?"

"Figured y'all hadn't eaten today," he eased.

"Hm."

"You all right?"

"Yeah, just fucking dandy, honey. You?"

Jesse frowned, "How's Joel?"

"Still asleep."

"You know, it's been two weeks..."

"What's your fucking point?"

"That you need a decent night's sleep - Ellie and Dina, too."

"I'll sleep when I'm dead, kid, thanks."

Jesse frowned, "We're just worried about'cha."

"Yeah? Well, I'm worried I killed my fucking husband 'cause he won't wake up. Guess we're all worried, huh?"

"Y/N," he sighed. "You haven't left his room since we got back. You can't just stop taking care of yourself, Joel's gonna need yah to help him - gotta have your strength."

"I'm fine."

"That why you look like fucking shit?"

"Don't push me, kid."

Jesse sighed, "Fine, but you gotta eat."

"I'm good," you held up your mug.

"Can't sustain yourself on fucking coffee. C'mon, I brought you all a plate."

"That's real nice of yah, thank you," you accepted the balanced to-go plates in your one hand; leaning them to your chest to keep hold.

"Just... Take it easy on yourself, okay? There's no way you could've known this would happen - "

"That's the thing, Jesse," you warbled softly, "I knew. He was beat t'hell, I knew the Propofol might've been too much, that he might not wake up... But the worst part? I promised him he would. I fucking lied to my husband and killed him in the same breath - "

"He's still breathing," Jesse snapped.

"Fine, then I put him in a coma. That better?"

Before he could retort, the last door on the right ripped open and Dina came toppling out, shouting your name. When she saw you just feet away, she sobbed, "He's awake!"

Three full plates and a mug of coffee shattered on the ground as you nearly tripped over yourself to race into the room. Inside, there was a single bed with a plethora of different machines all whirling and beeping obnoxiously; but there was Ellie, sat bedside, sobbing into Joel's tubed chest. "Hey, hey, hey, what's - "

"He's awake! Y/N, he's awake!" She wailed, forcing herself to lift up and reveal Joel's alert face.

"Holy shit," you heaved, eyes wide and chest hollow. "J-Joel?"

"Hey, baby," he croaked, wincing at the dryness of his throat.

In earnest shock, not even noticing Dina and Jesse behind you, your breathing turned choppy, "Oh, my God, Joel! Y-You're awake, Jesus fucking Christ!"

"C'mere," he mumbled, lips sticking together as Ellie removed herself as if to make room for you.

"No, no, uh," you sniffled, gesturing at Ellie, "you stay put, baby girl, I-I-I'll be right back."

"Where're you going?"

"To find Tommy," you backed up two steps; chest heavy and ready to cave in.

"I can do that - "

"I got it, kid, y'all keep him company f'me," you assured Dina, tears streaming as you stumbled out of the room.

"Hey!" Jesse followed you into the hall, door slamming shut. "Hey, Y/N! What the fuck was that?" But Jesse slowed when you collapsed into the wall, using it to keep upright as you tried to keep walking forward; slowly tripping over your feet and crashing to still-bruised knees. "Oh, my God, hey, Y/N. Hey, hey, hey, what's goin' on? You okay?" He worried, lowering to the floor. Noting the way your chest heaved up and down and how your breathing was rapidly shrill, he calmed, "You're okay, Y/N, hey, just breathe. You're panicking, you just - just focus on breathing. Hey, you're okay, you're not alone."

"H-He's alive," you managed breathed gasps. "He's alive, he's alive, he's alive. I-I didn't - he woke up, I ain't kill him."

"No, you didn't," Jesse chuckled in disbelief. "You saved his life, Y/N, just breathe. You're okay."

"I-I - "

"No, I know, but you just need to breathe f'me." You nodded and watched him, following his direction as he breathed with you - in and out, in and out, in and out. "All right, good, that's real good - just breathe with me. Good girl, c'mon, in, two, three, four; and out, two, three, four; in, two, three..."

The door opened again, Dina peaking out to discover the sight; catching Jesse's eye. He nodded with meaning, making the girl double back to grab Ellie; leaving you on the floor with the young man instructing your breathing. When the two girls exited, Ellie worriedly rushed for your side, questioning your name as she knelt, "What's happening? What's wrong? Are you okay? Hey! Oh, my God, talk to me, Ma!"

"She's having a panic attack," Jesse relaid, not commenting on her referal to you as something remotely motherly. "She's all right. Good, Y/N, that's real good - just breathe. Hey, look at me, look at me," he waited until your eyes lifted, "you're okay, I swear to you. Joel's alive, he's okay, he's awake - you didn't kill him, didn't put him in a coma. So, c'mon... You head back in, okay? Go see your husband, I'll get Tommy."

You sniffled and nodded, Ellie remaining in place as Jesse slowly got to his feet. "We got her," Dina assured, finally making him turn to head off. "Y/N? Hey," she squatted before you, "Joel's askin' for yah. Wanna head back in?"

"Yeah, yeah," you rambled, "I-I - yeah, ne-need t'see him. Need t'see him alive. J-Just needed - just needed a second. 'M sorry - "

"No, it's okay, you're good," nodded Ellie, "think you can stand?"

"Mhm."

"C'mon, I gotcha," she hushed, taking up your arm to help you clamber up the wall on trembling legs. "You okay?"

"Mhm."

"Right," she sighed. "Hey, c'mon, let's go in, he wants yah... I'm right here with you, I'm right here. We're all okay... You, me, Joel, Dina, we're okay, Ma, we're all okay - all alive."

"Y-You...?" Your eyes widened, holding onto her arms tightly for support. "Did you call me...? An-And back at the lodge, you did then, too, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah," Ellie shrugged as Dina giggled behind her hand, "I mean, is that okay? I don't have to call you - "

"No, no, no. It's so fucking okay, baby girl, good God," you gasped, yanking her into your embrace. In her ear, you sniffled, "I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just - I didn't know you felt okay with that - "

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it, or, uh, I-I guess, felt ready to say it."

"Gonna call Joel 'Dad' now or somethin'?"

"Woah, woah, woah," she chuckled, gazing up at you in wonder and gently reaching out to wipe your tear tracks as she's seen your husband do, "one step at a time. All right? Gotta see Joel first, everything else second. C'mon, now you just gotta put one foot in front of the other..." She encouraged you away from the wall, "There you go, you're okay. Now, deep breath... You good?"

"I'm okay."

"Good, all right. I got you, just... Open the door..."

As you reentered the room, Ellie and Dina hung back to allow your reunion to occur in privacy. You didn't notice, preoccupied by the sight before you; Joel awake and seemingly alert, his lips pulled on one side in a smirk. Despite the healing disfigurement, he was still the handsome, rugged, inherently and fiercely protective guy you married all them years ago. You hated the sight, but felt overwhelming relief he was awake, aware, looking at you with love, adoration, impression.

"Hey, there she is," he rumbled in greeting, haggard voice making you snap out of it to snatch up the cup of water on his bedside stand. "Where'd you - "

"No, no, hey, don't," you whimpered, bringing the lip of the cup to him, one hand around the base of his head, "just drink first, Joel, please."

Joel's gaze didn't tear from you as he accepted the water, choking minimally from the action he hadn't done by himself in two+ weeks. You determined what was enough, lowering the cup but keeping your one hand on the back of his head; twisting to set the cup aside before quietly turning back to him. "C'mere, baby," he whispered, casted hand twitching to pat his fingers beside him with indication. When your mouth opened to protest, he begged, "Y/N, please." So, you eased down beside him softly, careful not to jostle his injuries - but forced to take in the sight of his slowly-healing face. "Why'd you run? Not happy t'see me?"

Shaking your head, you admitted, "On the contrary, so Goddamn happy and relieved, I panicked for a second."

"Why?"

You sniffled, the tears cold against your dry cheeks, "Thought you weren't gonna... I mean, you were... Baby, I did this. I-I'm so sorry - "

"The fuck you mean? You saved me, sugar."

"No, you weren't waking up - I-I put you in a fucking coma - "

"That wasn't you."

"I took a risk with the anesthesia. I knew your injuries might've been too much, that too much damage was done and if I put you t'sleep, and you might not wake up, b-but I just - you were in so much pain and we had to get you back if you - "

"Hey, hey, hey," his fingers hooked around yours in an effort to take your hand. "Baby... You saved me. Ellie and Dina told me all what happened."

"They shouldn't've."

"I asked."

You sighed, shaking your head, "Joel, I..."

"Talk to me, baby, please."

Meeting his eyes again, you whimpered, "I didn't think you were gonna make it. That girl - Abby? Gabby? Whatever, she, uh, she... She used a golf club. You were more than fucked up, I thought you weren't gonna wake up - I mean, by all means, you shouldn't've - "

"But I did," he comforted, "because of you."

You sniffled again, "Don't say it like that, please. I just - I'm so fucking relieved you're awake. I'm sorry, Joel, I should've got there sooner."

"You got there just in time."

"Almost didn't."

"From what I remember, saved Ellie and I - again."

You shrugged, "I wasn't gonna lose you, either of you. You two are everything t'me that I just reacted, I didn't have t'think. I was so worried, but she - she had a gun at you, I had to stall for time."

"You did the right thing, Y/N."

"Then why do I feel so fucking guilty?"

"You shouldn't - you're a Goddamn hero."

"Don't feel like one."

"Maybe you will when I get up and movin'. Get us back to normal, right?"

"Joel, that ain't happenin' for a long time, baby," you informed quietly, glancing at his leg. His gaze followed, sighing deeply at the bulging knee the Jackson doctors managed to save under a warm blanket. "She had a shotgun..."

"I remember."

You winced, "You should get some rest - I'll-I'll grab the doctor - "

"Don't you dare leave me," he snapped, fingers lacing tightly with yours. "Just - c'mere, please, lemme feel you."

"Fuck no," you refused, "you're still healing and there's a limited amount of pain meds. She got you pretty good, Joel, you're real fragile."

"Enough that I can't hold my wife?"

"Enough that you can't hold your wife," you chuckled dryly. "But, um... I can sit here. I can stay - I'll stay. I'm sorry I left, I just couldn't believe after these weeks, you're awake. Made my heart feel... I don't even know - "

He sighed gently, just staring at you. "It's okay, baby, I understand. Know, you were the last thing I saw... But you look like hell right now, darlin', the fuck happened?"

"Haven't slept in weeks."

"You fuckin' eat?"

"When I remembered. Dina brings me most meals."

"Y/N Miller."

"I was just so worried," you whimpered, tears drowning you. "I worried you weren't gonna wake up, that I'd lose you at any moment. I wanted t'be here, just in case... I... Joel, I just..."

"I know, baby. Ellie said you haven't left this whole time. Hey," he breathed, earning your red-rimmed attention. "Need to thank you, sugar. F-For savin' us, savin' me."

You nodded, "Saved my ass plenty of times, now we're even."

"I heard you, you know? I heard you the whole time, it was all I could hang onto. But I heard you tell Abby you shot her father...? Risky move."

"I needed her to focus on anything other than you. She could've shot you, I wouldn't've been able to do anything and I needed to - I needed you to-to-to - "

"Endure and Survive?"

"Yeah, exactly. So, I lied, told her what I thought would piss her off enough to, you know, take the heat off yah."

Joel's lips twitched at the side again, "My smart fuckin' girl."

"Selfish girl, more like."

"How's that?"

You shrugged, "Didn't wanna be without you, Joel, I can't do this without yah. I need you, Joel, and I... I couldn't let her kill you. Bad enough I got there too late and she beat the shit outta you."

Joel's voice cracked with emotion, "It's not selfish, Y/N."

"No?"

"Nah, baby. The feelin's so fuckin' mutual, 'cause I need'jah, too, sweetheart, and I'll be damned to do this without you, either. You and I, we're gonna grow old - well, older, together, surrounded by our family, all of Tommy and Maria's kids - Ellie and Dina, too. We ain't gonna go out like that, we get t'die like we lived. Together."

"Yeah?"

"I promise," he swallowed tightly, eyes crinkling as he winced. "Can't get rid of me, baby, not that easily."

"Fuck you," you scoffed, "that wasn't easy, not t'see, not t'watch, not t'fight against. It was so fucking hard - I can't ever go through that kinda shit again. Hear me? Never again, Joel, I can't handle it - "

"Nah, nah, nah, never again, baby. I promise. I-I'll talk to Tommy, we're done with patrols - "

"No, you're fucking done," you snipped. "I'll earn both our keep, but you're done, Joel, I can't fucking go through that shit again."

"What if something like that happens to you - "

"I killed them all. There's nobody left that would come for us."

Joel's eyes flashed, "There's those in Seattle."

Your head shook, "Doubt they'd give enough of a fuck to avenge those bastards."

"We don't know that. So... So why don't we both retire, baby? C'mon, like we always said. You think you can't handle that again? Imagine how it'd fucking feel to learn something happened to you and I wasn't there to protect yah. Please, Y/N, we both retire - we don't run that risk no more."

"All right, deal," you agreed through your tears, leaning over him to hold his cheek and press several kisses to the corner of his mouth. "Fucking deal, all right, yeah - "

"Honey? You missed."

"Nah, you're still healing - "

"A kiss ain't gonna hurt nothing," he grunted. "C'mere, please. Don't make me beg... Besos, besos, besos." With a small, watery chuckle, you obliged and pecked his pouting lips - earning another groan. "That's not what I meant - mh!" You cut him off by pressing a prolonged kiss against him, careful not to press too hard and reopen his split lip. He hummed in content, free hand occupied by only an IV lifting to caress the back of your head in an effort to keep you in place. This time, when you pulled back, he mumbled, "Never again, sweetheart."

"Never again," you agreed softly, gently petting a salted curl from his forehead; hand drifting to gently trace the contours of his healing yellowing-skin. "I love you so fucking much, Joel. Don't do that to me again."

"I love you, too, darlin'. Never again - we're done. I swear, we're fucking done with all that."

"Good," you whimpered, glancing back to the usual seat you'd claimed the past couple weeks as you watched over him. "All right, hey," with a sniffle, you slowly lifted from his bed, "Jesse went to get Tommy, but you get some rest, all right?"

"Fuck that, been resting long enough. Just wanna be here with you, baby."

"Got a helluva long recovery ahead of yah, gonna need your strength."

"Think I'll walk again?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it - but we'll work on it together. You'll be okay... That, I can promise."

Joel nodded with a gentle sigh, watching you maneuver back into the armchair Dina had pushed into his room for you. He didn't let go of your fingers, eyes silently watching you as if to ensure you were there - but you did the same. After seeing him on the brink of death, you feared you couldn't look away from his living, breathing form ever again. Quietly, he garbled, "Don't leave."

"Never, baby. I'm right here, I gotcha."

requesting rules and masterlist

TLOU masterlist

[johannestevans]

do you have any advice for an autistic adult who hasn't yet lost their virginity due to the social aspect? I'm terrified not of the act itself, that's fine, I get myself off just fine all the time, but that I won't act the right way, that I'll try too hard to be sexy and it'll be cringy or not try hard enough and be off-putting

Oh, honestly, I think a lot of people worry about that a lot of the time they have sex, whether it's for the first time, or the first time they're just trying a new act, or just when it's somebody new or somebody they've not seen in a while.

Sex is ultimately something extremely vulnerable - you're literally dressed down, you're generally in private together, the other person is very concentrated on you and you very concentrated on them - so there can be a lot of concern about how you're going to perform, how you're going to look, if you're going to be sexy or embarrassing, or whatever else.

When I first had sex after like eight or ten years of celibacy after my more active (and abused) life in my teens, it did feel a lot like a sort of virginity, and I basically just had a decently anonymous hook-up with a nice fella on Grindr. He was on the shy side and had some insecurities himself, but for me, the fact that it was so anonymous and low-stakes eased the way for me - you might find that, or you might find that on the other side, someone you already know very well and trust quite intimately will be more comfortable and be more of a balm for your anxiety.

People make a big thing about sex and its social or intimate or romantic implications, but it's ultimately just another slightly silly thing that people do together. It's inherently undignified and a bit absurd, no matter how well a sex scene is edited in a film, and with how great a sound track.

I don't say this to say sex can't be important, or that it can't feel really great or even really emotionally important, because it absolutely can be.

It's just the truth that you and another person or people are also going to be wrestling and wobbling about together, with at least some of your clothes off. You're going to be smelling each other. You're going to be up close, very upclose, with each other's genitals and arses and chests, and armpits and ears and ankles. Now and then, one of you is going to fall over, or accidentally hit the other one in the nose, or put your elbow on the wrong bit of them and make them go "ow!" and you'll lurch back and go, "fuck, sorry!", and sometimes you'll lurch back too far and fall off the bed.

Sometimes, the bed - or wherever else you're getting up to this - will break. Sometimes, the dog will manage to open the bedroom door and leap onto the bed, midway through the act, and excitedly introduce a sodden, mostly-chewed rawhide into the activity. Sometimes one of you will release the most incredibly musical fart in the world, at the worst possible time.

Sometimes, the sex will just straight up be bad. The time won't be right, or you'll have a slight cold and you'll keep wanting to blow it or swallow phleghm and it'll be gross but you'll also genuinely be quite horny, or you and your partner will be slightly mismatched in rhythm and size and keep giving each other unlikely bruises.

Sometimes, you will be utterly nude, you'll be gazing deeply into one another's eyes, your body will feel tense and aching a bit but at the same time, perfect. There'll be sweat sheening on both of you, you'll both be breathing hard and sharing the same breath, you'll have managed a sublime rhythm that seems to be seeping into the very core of you, your orgasm a more distant concern than making this moment, this perfect moment, last for as long as possible, because it just feels so good, so intimate, so loving, so perfect--

And then the fire alarm will go off.

And it will be the absolute worst thing in the world, but also, you probably will laugh about it - laugh uproariously, at the sheer juxtaposition of it, as you either try to quickly finish or stumble out of bed to put on dressing gowns, and hope none of your neighbours or the fire people look at you in too much detail when you're waiting downstairs.

Your concerns about seeming like you're trying too hard, trying too hard to be sexy, ending up a bit cringe, not trying hard enough and ending up flat - you might have these same anxieties going out for coffee with someone, or playing Dungeons and Dragons or improv-ing with someone, or doing karaoke.

You and your partner(s) will be in the same boat of vulnerability when you have sex - they might have the same or similar anxieties to the ones you do. Part of the reason that sex is generally best with someone you trust is because that vulnerability is part of it.

You're trusting the other person with your naked body and how it looks and feels and smells; you're trusting the other person to touch you the right way, use the right lube and prophylactics; you're trusting the other person to basically do rhythmic exercise with you, and that includes all the sweat and physical exertion that comes with that.

There may well be times you try too hard to be sexy, and your partner says "you can probably tone it back a bit", or even laughs - and there will be time when your partner does the same. Other times, you might well be being "too sexy" - as in, sexier than your partner was prepared for - and they'll be incredibly into it, or jump to match your energy.

Sometimes, the sex will absolutely be cringe, but luckily, that's part of having sex, not to mention life, and sometimes, cringe is delightful.

The first or maybe the second time my partner and I had sex, I couldn't stop infodumping about marine biology and telling him exciting facts (I felt) about different creatures' mating habits, which drove him insane, and not only did he still have sex with me that night, we're going to get married.

I'm not saying "don't worry", because social anxiety doesn't really listen to "don't worry", but part of the reason your anxiety has so much mileage in this internal conversation is because sex in your head might still be there as like, a capital-letter activity that requires infinite decorum and consideration and with so much stuff for you to do wrong, and that bubble will burst a bit when you do start having sex with other people and the mystique goes away, but will always be there a little bit.

The tragic thing about sex is that because it's genuinely just a fun thing people do together, your social anxiety has as much reach there as it does any other activity you might pursue with someone, but the good news is that once you have sex a few times, it will hopefully just be the same level of anxiety you do have with any other activity.

"Virgin" is made out to be this big thing, but people are virgins at new activities every day. Driving a car, going out for dinner in a fancy restaurant, wearing suspenders, going swimming, et cetera. It's really not a bad thing to be, but it's also not necessarily a momentous thing to stop being either. You'll be great!

[yourlittlettoy]

Something about.. how t-wording causes your body to betray you.

How no matter who you are (how dignified, tough, professional, serious, etc), getting t-worded will force you into a vulnerable and helpless state.

How embarrassing that is, to always have a weakness that makes you lose all of your dignity, reducing you to squirming and begging and makes you feel weak and out of control.

How much having this weakness you can’t get rid of means there’s always something that can be used against you, used to control you, used to humble you.

Just the inherent .. invasiveness of it all? The idea of having this weakness at all, that’s literally always gonna be so accessible to exploit if someone really wanted to. Being so afraid that someone might find out. How it always tears down every mental defence you’ve ever steeled within yourself and forces you to act in such an involuntary way which makes you burn hot with embarrassment?? How easy it is to control you with this.

Damn. I think that’s maybe a core reason this kink appeals to me 👀

[notsodelirious]

Hi! I'm sorry idk if this is an overly specific request, so please feel free to omit any details that you want Could I request Jason Todd with a reader (either trans male or gender neutral, either is fine!) who has asthma? Specifically a mix of NSFW and comfort where reader needs to take things slow and gentle during sex because of their disability and feels guilty because they feel like Jason would want to do more/be rougher, but Jason is really sweet and comforting about it. Again sorry that this is overly specific! This is a bit personal to me if that wasn't obvious lmao. I absolutely adore your writing and trust you to do this justice if you choose to take this request, but if not that's totally okay. Hope you have a good day!

hi! first off: no such thing as an overly specific request, I love those! second: I’m glad you trusted me to write this for you, I hope I didn’t disappoint!

synposis: you and Jason are enjoying your time together when you find yourself having to break away a little

notes: NFSW MDNI, vague description of an asthma attack, and reader is implied to be trans ftm but no genitalia is described, it’s all in the nicknames

tags: sex (vaginal or anal you decide lol), unreliable narrator (reader has moments of self-doubt), hurt/comfort, Jason being a softie, vaguely masc!reader, aforementioned asthma, roughly 1k words, no use of y/n

(disclaimer: I don’t personally have asthma (I mean kinda, but only triggered by my seasonal allergies, lowkey unimportant) so this is mostly based on my friend’s experience and my own but again, I don’t have asthma, just a kinda debilitating allergy)

anyway enjoy!

•─────⋅☾⊱♰⊰☽⋅─────•

The sheets were plush against your skin, warm and supporting your body as Jason rutted into you, grunting softly as he plunged his dick into your hole over and over again.

“So good for me, handsome,” he whispered as you moaned, his hands on your hips, pulling you back into each thrust, “So fucking tight for me.” You gasped as he angled his hips up, reaching deeper than before.

“Mmh, fuck, Jay-“

Jason’s hands were gentle as he petted your sides—Jason was always gentle with you. He might be a big guy but he knew how to control himself, how to fuck you without hurting you—and you knew that it would never happen intentionally. It didn’t mean your body always got the memo.

Your next gasp was strained, lungs constricted like somebody had filled your chest with tar. The next breath came out as a cough—Jason practically froze on a dime, leaning back to check on you but you were already shoving his face away in the other direction.

He let you hold him there, forcing him to stare at the adjacent wall, with your hand on his cheek, as you reached your inhaler with your other one, taking it before your attack could get any worse.

There was nothing inherently embarrassing about needing your inhaler—you’d had it since young, the moment you’d been diagnosed with asthma, and you’d used it in all types of situations when it called for it. But that didn’t mean you wanted Jason to look.

That was being too vulnerable.

Despite the fact that his cock was still currently buried deep within you.

You took a few steadying breaths as you finally let go of Jason’s face, using both hands to cap your inhaler before letting it clutter onto the bedside table.

“Okay?” he asked softly as he cupped your face—you nodded, but couldn’t quite meet his gaze, directing it downwards instead.

“Yeah,” you swallowed, and you nodded again, ignoring the tears brimming in your eyes—interrupting sex because of an asthma attack was one thing, you didn’t need a breakdown too. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? If you’re in pain we can go to the ER-“

“No,” you interrupted as you wiped away the tears of frustration and tried to regulate yourself, “No, I’m fine. I’m just- I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Jason almost snorted as he pulled out of you, closing your legs for you so you were in a more comfortable position, less exposed, “Dude, that’s literally so far out of the realm of your control.”

“I don’t want you to feel like you’re having sex with a glass doll every time we fuck!”

“I’m not!” He backed away as you sat up, hands nervously rubbing his thighs when he realised he had nothing to do with them now that he was no longer touching you. “I’m not having sex with a glass doll, I’m having sex with you.”

“That’s not the-“ you groaned as you buried your face into your hands—this wasn’t an argument you wanted to have. You never liked arguing about sex; because it always ended up with other party admitting, yelling, that they’d rather have a partner who isn’t so fragile so they could try literally anything else for a change, that they wanted a good fuck, not a slow-paced cock warming session.

“Hey.” You reluctantly looked up at him, reluctantly met his eye, leaned into his touch when he cupped your face again, “I have no issues with the way we do this—if you need to take it slow, we take it slow.”

“You’ve got to be tired of it by now,” you said but he just shook his head, gently brushing his thumb under your eye.

“No,” he said, “No, I’m not tired of it. Because I enjoy having sex with you.”

“And the geriatric, snail paced sex doesn’t bother you?”

He seemed to try really hard to control his laughter but he caved, laughing as he rested his forehead against your shoulder, wrapping his arms around you. God, his laugh—you didn’t hear it often, but you’d be damned before you ever forgot how it made your heart flutter. He kissed your temple when he finally calmed down before pulling away to look at you.

“I’d go as far as to say I love the geriatric, snail paced sex with you,” he said, “You’re hot and I love you. I love sex in any shape or form it comes, okay?”

You sighed, relaxing a little into his arms, “Yeah, okay.”

“Need more time?” he asked, nosing softly as your jaw. When you shook your head, he gently guided you back down, until you were both on your sides, face to face—he hooked your knee over his elbow, pulling your leg up so he could gain access to sink into you, making you both moan softly.

“Comfortable?”

You nodded eagerly, shifting your hips excitedly—he rolled his hips in you again, letting his cock stretch you open gently, the arm that wasn’t holding your leg up, under your head to prop it up.

“Touch yourself for me, handsome.” You were quick to comply, bringing a hand down between your bodies, moaning a little louder, trembling a little harder as you brought yourself closer to the edge.

Jason kept up the same speed, the snail pace, even when his muscles began to tense and his breath a little stuttered.The soft sound of your moans and skin meeting drenched the thick air, isolating you from the rest of the world but each other.

“Jay,” you whined as you rolled your hips to meet his thrusts.

“Still breathing okay?” he asked as he pulled you a little closer, brushing his lips against your forehead as you nodded furtively.

“Yes. Yes. Jay, I’m close-”

“Then cum for me, handsome.”

He continued to fuck you tenderly as you came, clenching down around his fat cock still buried in you, trembling and whining.

“Fuck,” he grunted at he ground his hips into yours, chasing his own orgasm, “Good boy, keep clenching around my cock like that.” You complied, bearing down as much you could, even as the overstimulation wracked through your frame. You whimpered softly when you felt his cock twitch and soon your insides flooded with warm cum.

“Mmh, fuck, ah-”

“Still okay?” Jason asked as he carefully pulled out of you and lowered your leg, only after admiring your puffy hole leaking his cum.

“Yeah,” you said softly, while you pulled yourself closer to him, resting your head against his chest as he rolled onto his back.

“Good,” he said, wrapping his arms around you. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Jay.”

•─────⋅☾⊱♰⊰☽⋅─────•

a/n: this was really cool to write—I’d never really considered that asthma would play such a huge part in a person’s sex life (but actually taking two seconds to think about it, like duh) but I hope this helped, and I hope you have a good day and continue to live life at whatever rhythm is comfortable for you <3

I always try to write as vaguely as possible but sometimes inclusion is also the hyperspecific so never hesitate to leave requests like this <3

requests are on hold, I am accepting them I might just not write them right away bc of uh (ignored uni work in the corner of my room) reasons

[ofourlee]

satoru x reader

you have never gone out without a full face of makeup on. even with your lover, you always wear beauty products. you say to yourself, "i can't let my boyfriend have an ugly girlfriend"

so, whether you're at his apartment, outside, or on a date, you're constantly wearing makeup. not till…

your boyfriend, satoru, offered for you to sleep at his place. a sleepover, with your boyfriend. he figured that since you're both free for tomorrow, it'd be nice for you to stay over. and you being you, you couldn't refuse such an offer.

it's 9:30 p.m., and you are seated on your vanity. yes, satoru has a vanity for you in his own home incase you come over. he is well prepared.

so you're sitting on your own vanity, removing your makeup as he rests on the bed. little did you know, he had been watching you the entire time.

satoru's lips curled into a sweet grin as he watched you take off your makeup. "she's beautiful with or without it," he thinks. however, seeing your natural face causes his heart to constrict.

he continues to observe you, his gaze following every line and feature, taking in your inherent beauty.

he admires the way the moonlight dances over your skin, creating beautiful shadows and highlights on your face. he notices the curvature of your jawline, the slope of your nose, and the fullness of your lips.

very detail is seared in his mind, a snapshot of you that he is certain he will never forget.

he watches you, a mixture of adoration and affection welling up within him. he feels honored to be able to see you like this, because you usually refuse to show him your bare face when he asks.

you appeared so vulnerable and unguarded. it's a part of you that hardly everyone sees, and he's humbled and glad that you trust him enough to share it with him.

he had a lot on his mind. he is captivated to your innate beauty. the absence of makeup shows your features even more prominently than before.

he fights against the urge to reach out and touch you, not wanting to disturb you as you finish removing the remainder of your makeup.

his glance sweeps across your face, taking in every subtle detail. the little blemishes, the small laugh lines, the natural blush of your cheeks all appear to contribute to your beauty in his opinion.

he can't help but feel a strong feeling of care and sensitivity as he watches you, falling in love repeatedly.

he wonders why you've always felt compelled to wear makeup around him. perhaps you were insecure, perhaps you were simply used to wearing it.

but now, without it, you appear to glow even more, and he can't help but believe that he is blessed to glimpse this side of you.

so, after a few seconds of silently eyeing you, he eventually talks. the sound of his voice bursts through the silence, and you startle slightly, your attention drawn to him. he smiles as you react, his words calm and soothing.

"you look beautiful without makeup."

he rises up and reaches out, his fingertips lightly stroking your cheek, almost reverently.

that sentence appears to fluster you, forcing you to glance away in embarrassment.

he chuckles softly at your reaction, his palm still resting against your cheek. he can see the blush rising up your neck and the way your gaze shifts away from his.

"now, why are you looking away? are you…embarrassed, baby?" he murmurs.

ugh, that damn nickname. it always appeared to weaken your knees, no matter what. and it doesn't help that he's calling you that when you're still recovering from his compliment.

he softly tilts your chin upwards, pushing you to meet his eyes. he grins at you, his eyes are warm and friendly. then he continues:

"don't be. there's no reason to be. you're stunning, with or without makeup. i think you look even more beautiful without it, actually."

"you are glowing."

"i love you so much"

"you're divine, i can't believe i have you all to myself."

"i have never seen a more beautiful woman."

"why were you so scared of showing your bare face to me?"

"you're so gorgeous"

"you have the prettiest eyes, but i like it when you wear contacts too"

"your beauty is so natural"

he pampers you with flattery. it makes you want to wrap yourself with a blanket. he leans closer, placing his forehead on yours.

he can feel the heat radiating from your skin and watch the fast rise and fall of your chest as your heart rate increases.

he looks at you, taking in your natural beauty. he has to acknowledge that there's something unmistakably seductive about you even without makeup - simply the essence of you.

your lips, glossed with strawberry lip oil, appear extremely inviting, and he has to fight the impulse to kiss you right there.

"I'm so lucky" he says.

his gaze sweeps over your face again, soaking in every detail. your cheeks have a little blush, your eyes sparkle and your eyelashes flutter softly when you stare at him.

"toru, don't stare so much. the more you look at me, the more ugly i become," you try to shoo him away.

he chuckles quietly, the sound deep and full in his chest. he shakes his head, smiling affectionately.

"you could never look ugly to me, baby. in fact, the more i look at you, the more beautiful you seem to get."

fuck, this man is gonna be the death of you. you can't take it anymore, the words are too endearing that you're so close to melting. 

he moves in closer, his lips just brushing over your forehead, temple, and both cheeks. he gives you delicate kisses and pecks, punctuating each touch with a quiet murmur.

he continues, "you're a goddamn vision, you know? you're a beauty, and you're all mine."

[little-jana]

"A Calculated Risk"

Part 1 - Part 3

Pairing: Spencer Reid x f!reader

Genre: fluff

Warnings: kissing

Words: 750

Summary: Spencer teaches reader some important facts about germs.

The case had been exhausting, stretching long into the night. We were both tired, yet somehow, the fatigue seemed to have pushed us closer rather than further apart. As we sat in the dimly lit conference room, reviewing the final details of the case before wrapping up, there was an unexpected quietness between us. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but rather a silence that hung with a sense of anticipation, like the calm before a storm.

Spencer had been unusually still, his focus on the case file in front of him, but his eyes kept flicking to me, as though he was measuring something, searching for the right words—or perhaps the courage. I couldn’t deny that I was feeling the same pull, a growing tension in the air that wasn’t about the case at all.

I noticed how his fingers nervously tapped against the table, a subconscious gesture that I knew too well. He was overthinking, just like always. I wanted to say something to ease the quiet, to break the barrier between us that felt so fragile, yet so significant.

But before I could speak, he did.

“Do you ever think about... the possibility of... transmitting germs while kissing?” he asked, his voice soft and hesitant, as though he wasn’t sure why he’d even brought it up. His eyes were wide, earnest, and his usual shy smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

I couldn’t help but smile back, despite the absurdity of the question. Spencer had always had a unique way of turning even the most intimate moments into something logical, something quantifiable. “You mean, like the exchange of bacteria?” I asked, playing along, though my heart was racing.

“Exactly,” he said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, his face flushed with the slightest hint of embarrassment. “Studies show that the human mouth contains over 700 types of bacteria, many of which can be transferred during... close contact. I mean, statistically speaking, it’s a significant risk.”

I bit my lip to keep from laughing, but there was something so endearing about his scientific approach to something so inherently emotional. Spencer Reid was a brilliant man, but in this moment, I could see the nervous, vulnerable side of him—the side that didn’t quite know how to navigate emotions, especially when it came to something like kissing.

“Spencer,” I said softly, my voice quiet but warm, “sometimes... it’s okay to let go of the facts. You don’t always need to calculate everything. Some things, like this...,” I reached out, gently touching his hand on the table, “can’t be explained by science.”

His gaze shifted to my hand, and I could see the realization flicker in his eyes. I watched as his breath hitched ever so slightly, his usually composed demeanor faltering for just a moment. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but the words seemed to escape him. Instead, he leaned forward, just enough to close the distance between us.

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, the warmth of his presence enveloping me. The world around us seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of us in that shared space, that fragile moment. Without another word, I leaned in, my lips brushing against his in the softest, most tentative kiss.

It was gentle at first—almost shy—like he was still processing the idea, as if he needed to test the waters before fully giving in to the feeling. But then, something shifted. Spencer’s lips responded with a tenderness that took me by surprise, a deep warmth that spoke volumes, even without words.

As we pulled apart, I could see the flush on his cheeks, his eyes wide with a mix of surprise and awe, as though he couldn’t believe it had happened. I could feel the smile tugging at my own lips as I gazed at him.

“Well,” he said, his voice uncharacteristically breathless, “I suppose the risk of bacterial transmission just became... a little more bearable.”

I laughed softly, unable to resist his quirky charm. “You’re impossible,” I teased, but my voice was filled with affection.

Spencer, still clearly processing, looked down at the table for a moment, as though his brain was catching up to his heart. Then, he looked up at me with that trademark shy smile, the one I’d come to love more than I could admit.

“I’m... glad we did that,” he said, almost shyly, like he couldn’t believe it himself.

I reached for his hand again, giving it a soft squeeze. “Me too,” I whispered, my heart still racing from the kiss, and I had the overwhelming sense that this was just the beginning of something much bigger between us.

Part 3

[pamillie]

I feel like the more I surf the Dandandan tag, the more I come across people grossly misusing the term “fan-service”.

Here’s my take no one asked for.

(A read-more for descriptions of SA, etc)

The depiction of nudity, the SA, and the bodily violation shown in Dandadan are meant to make viewers uncomfortable at times, but are also meant to convey humor or terror or to be relatable.

I think the story exists in this balance between being whacky and goofy and not taking itself seriously while also having these very mature moments with depth.

The murdered girls in the bound spirit that Turbo Granny was guarding. The exploitation and violence that Acro Silky experienced as a woman- just as the two most prominent examples in the anime so far (there are so many more in the manga).

But time and time again, the teenage characters themselves are not being overtly sexual. Sure, there’s ball jokes and awkwardness and the like. But it’s never escalated to the point of making the characters seem horny or perverted.

I think Dandadan is a lot of things. It’s wrong to say that it’s totally and intentionally a gritty and symbolic metaphor for sexual violence just as it’s wrong to say it’s nothing more than a stylish battle shonen or a raunchy romantic comedy.

What I think it does strive to be though is universally relatable. Women and girls can (unfortunately) relate to the depictions of SA we see through Momo. Young men and teenage boys can relate to feeling worthless or useless based on a perceived lack of masculine traits like Okuran does. Or the feeling that they have to craft a likeable or palatable persona just for others to value them- despite the grief or loneliness they’re experiencing privately- as Aira and Jiji experience.

And not for nothing- I think the point I keep coming back to when I try to explain the appeal of Dandadan to other people is how it captures how SIMULTANEOUSLY traumatizing and precious being a teenager is.

Puberty is inherently traumatic. Going about life as a child only to suddenly be ogled like an adult, when all the while you haven’t even come to terms with the changes going on with your body? It’s terrifying. It’s vulnerable!

Is Momo still ‘valuable’ after being called a slut or being pursued by older men? Is Okuran still a ‘man’ even if he lost his junk?

People keep saying that ‘the story could be exactly the same with aged-up characters and then it wouldn’t be gross’ but I disagree. The story would NOT be the same.

Because something else you gain with puberty and growing up is a radical and empowering acceptance of yourself. It’s this scary uncharted territory of deciding who you are and how you want to be perceived by the world. It can be a rejection of who you were before or boldly asserting who you’ve always been. There are other times in your life where you will change or develop but there’s a reason coming of age stories set from around 12 to 17 are so timeless and universal.

The fact that Tatsu is telling this genre-bending subversion of a story in a generic high school setting is actually the most genius part about it in my opinion.

It takes itself just seriously enough to be emotionally gripping and realistic while also reminding you that the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you probably wasn’t even that bad- you were just fifteen.

So anyway- stop calling it fan service. And just accept that stories about puberty deserve to exist. Especially if they can accurately portray both how hilarious and traumatic it actually is.

[lila-lou]

✨Taking her in - Pt. 18✨

Summary: After Dean Winchester saves your life, he brings you into the safety of the bunker. As you grow older and stronger, Dean refuses to let you join the hunts, his overprotective behavior intensifying. But beneath his fierce protectiveness lies something darker—conflicted feelings he can’t face. As your 18th birthday approaches, Dean struggles to keep control, torn between his duty to protect you and emotions he’s buried for too long.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: 18+ only! (saftey first, no Smut tho), kinda kinky i guess, hormones, HUGE Age Gap, Immoral, Language

Word Count: 5119

A/N: English isn’t my first language, please be lenient. 💜

As the intensity of the moment began to ebb, you instinctively started to shift, ready to pull away and give him space to recover. But before you could move, Dean’s good hand slid to your waist, his fingers pressing gently to stop you.

“Not yet”, he murmured, his voice low and rough from exertion. His green eyes were soft, a lazy smirk tugging at his lips as he looked up at you. “Just… let me enjoy the view for a few more minutes”.

Dean’s lazy smirk deepened as he caught the way your cheeks flushed an even deeper shade of pink, your gaze flicking shyly to the side. The vulnerability in your reaction, paired with the soft rise and fall of your chest as you caught your breath, was enough to send a wave of heat coursing through him.

Inside you, he twitched, the sensation making your breath hitch. His good hand tightened slightly on your waist, his thumb brushing soothing circles against your skin. “Sweetheart”, he murmured, his voice low and teasing, though tinged with exhaustion, “if you keep looking that adorable, we might have a problem”.

Dean’s smirk softened as he watched you hide your face behind your hands, your cheeks burning with embarrassment. You mumbled something incoherent, but he didn’t need to hear the words to know what you were thinking. The way you tried to shrink away, the shy way you moved—it was all so inherently you, and it drove him absolutely wild.

For Dean, your innocence, your vulnerability, was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. It wasn’t just the physical side of things, though that certainly stirred something primal in him. It was the emotional weight of it, the knowledge that you trusted him completely, that he was the only man who had ever been allowed to see you like this, to touch you, to be with you. Knowing he was the only one who had ever been inside you, the only one who had ever felt how tight and perfect you were—it was intoxicating.

His fingers brushed over your hip, his grip firm but gentle as he tried to keep himself grounded. It wasn’t easy. Every instinct, every deep, primal part of him wanted to pull you underneath him, to claim you completely, to make sure you knew exactly how much he wanted you, needed you.

But he held back, because you deserved more than that. You deserved care and patience, and Dean wanted to give that to you, no matter how hard it was to resist the fire burning inside him.

Dean’s grip on your hip tightened ever so slightly as he whispered, his voice barely above a breath but filled with so much raw emotion it made your chest ache. “God, I love you”.

The words were like a spark, igniting something deep within you. Before you could respond, his good hand gently cupped the back of your neck, pulling you down toward him. Your hands fell from your face as his lips met yours, soft but insistent. The kiss was slow, unhurried, yet brimming with unspoken passion, as if he was trying to show you just how much you meant to him in every brush of his lips against yours.

You felt his body shift slightly beneath you, his warmth seeping into your skin as his grip steadied you. The connection between you was so intense it made your head spin, and then you became acutely aware of him—the way he was growing harder inside you, pressing deeper as he adjusted ever so slightly. The sensation made your breath catch, your body tensing for a moment before you melted against him.

Dean pulled back just enough to rest his forehead against yours, his breathing ragged.

His forehead remained pressed against yours, his warm breath mingling with your own as he shifted slightly beneath you. You noticed his wince, and before you could ask, he reached out toward the bedside table with his good hand, fumbling for the bottle of painkillers. His movements were clumsy and strained, and you instinctively moved to help him, grabbing the bottle and pressing it into his hand.

“Thanks”, he murmured, his voice rough but full of affection. He popped the cap open with one hand, shaking two pills into his palm and tossing them into his mouth. He swallowed them dry, his throat working hard to force them down, before setting the bottle aside and leaning back against the pillow.

Dean’s hand returned to your hip, his fingers tightening slightly as he shifted beneath you again, pressing you flush against him. His body trembled faintly, his jaw tightening as a mix of pleasure and pain flashed across his features. His green eyes found yours, dark with a raw, unrelenting need that made your breath hitch.

“Painkillers’ll kick in soon”, he muttered, his voice low and strained. “But I’m sure as hell not waiting”. He guided your hips down with a firm but gentle pressure, encouraging you to take him fully once more. The intensity in his gaze left no doubt—he wanted this, no matter how much his chest ached.

Your breath hitched at the sensation of him pressing fully inside you, his hand firm on your hip as he silently conveyed exactly what he wanted. The look in his eyes was enough to set your heart racing—a mixture of raw need and unshakable affection that made it impossible to resist. Despite the lingering self-consciousness gnawing at you, the thought of letting him down spurred you into motion.

You bit your lip, your cheeks flushing as you started to move your hips slowly, tentatively. The feeling was overwhelming, the stretch and fullness making you tremble as you tried to find a rhythm. Dean’s groan, low and rumbling, sent a shiver through your body, his hand tightening on your hip as if encouraging you to keep going.

“That’s it”, he rasped, his voice thick with both strain and pleasure. “Just like that, sweetheart. You’re doing so good”.

A few days later, Dean’s injuries were starting to look better, though the healing process was slow. Sam had to redo a few stitches on his chest the day after your night together, muttering something about “damn stubborn idiots” under his breath as he worked. But now, the bleeding had finally stopped, and while Dean’s chest still looked angry and raw, the wounds were starting to close. His broken arm was firmly secured in a sling, and the swelling in his fingers had gone down slightly, though his strength hadn’t fully returned.

Dean, however, wasn’t exactly bouncing back. He was still weak, his body trembling if he stood for too long. Worse, he’d barely eaten over the past few days, a concerning departure from his usual “shovel anything in sight” appetite. The mix of pain meds and antibiotics had clearly taken a toll on him, dulling his hunger and leaving him uncharacteristically tired.

Now, he was sitting in the bunker’s library, slouched slightly in his chair with his broken arm cradled against his side. His good hand flipped idly through the pages of an old lore book, but it was clear he wasn’t fully focused. His brow was furrowed, his lips pressed into a thin line as he stared at the text, though his eyes flicked occasionally where Sam sat at the opposite side of the table.

Sam glanced up from his book, breaking the silence in the library as he leaned back in his chair. “Where’s she at?”, he asked casually, his tone curious but not particularly pressing. “Haven’t seen her around”.

Dean froze for a moment, his eyes lingering on the page in front of him without actually reading it. His jaw tightened slightly before he finally muttered, “She’s out. Running errands or something”.

Sam raised an eyebrow at Dean’s vague response, the corner of his mouth quirking into a smirk. “Errands?”, he echoed, clearly unconvinced. “What kind of errands?”.

Dean sighed, his good hand scrubbing over his face as he tried to come up with a better answer. But the memory of your flustered face from earlier that morning flashed through his mind, making him bite the inside of his cheek to stop the grin threatening to form.

“She went to grab some snacks or whatever”, Dean said, his voice gruff as he avoided Sam’s gaze. “Nothing major”.

Sam wasn’t buying it. He tilted his head, his smirk growing as he studied Dean. “You’re acting weird”, he said, clearly enjoying how flustered Dean was getting. “Did you two have a fight or something?”.

Dean scoffed, shaking his head. “No, we didn’t have a fight”, he said, though the defensive edge in his voice made Sam’s smirk widen. “She’s fine. I’m fine. Drop it”.

What Dean didn’t mention—and wouldn’t, unless absolutely necessary—was the conversation from that morning. He’d tried to convince you to take a bath with him, the idea of relaxing together sounding perfect in his mind. But you’d been unusually hesitant, deflecting his suggestion and making excuses until he finally asked outright what was going on.

Your face had turned beet red as you muttered the truth, so quietly he almost didn’t catch it. “I’m on my period, Dean”.

At first, he’d just blinked at you, his brain catching up to your words before a teasing grin spread across his face. “That’s it?”, he’d asked, clearly amused. “Sweetheart, that’s nothing. We can still—”.

“No, Dean”, you’d interrupted firmly, your cheeks still burning. “Just… no”.

The memory of your embarrassment made him smile faintly now, even as Sam continued to press him for answers. “What’s so funny?”, Sam asked, narrowing his eyes at Dean’s reaction.

“Nothing”, Dean muttered, flipping a page in his book. “Just thinking”.

Sam rolled his eyes but didn’t push further, letting the subject drop—for now.

A little while later, the sound of the bunker door opening echoed down the hall, followed by the familiar shuffle of your footsteps. Dean’s head snapped up immediately, his green eyes locking onto the library door as you stepped in, carrying a bag of snacks.

“There you are”, Dean said, a grin spreading across his face as he leaned back in his chair. “Took you long enough. Please tell me you got pie”.

You rolled your eyes at Dean’s immediate comment, though a flicker of guilt crossed your face as you set the bag of snacks down on the library table. “Dean”, you said softly, your tone tinged with both concern and frustration, “you can’t just live off pie”.

Dean shrugged, leaning back in his chair as though his argument was irrefutable. “Why not? It’s got everything I need. Fruit, sugar, carbs—basically a full meal”.

Sam snorted from across the table, closing his book with a thud. “Pretty sure that’s not how nutrition works, Dean”.

You shot Sam a grateful look before turning your attention back to Dean. But something about the way he looked—pale, tired, stubbornly defiant—made your chest tighten. Normally, you’d let it go with a sigh or an eye roll, but your hormones were wreaking havoc on you this time around, and you could feel tears welling up in your eyes before you could stop them.

“Dean, you’re not eating enough”, you blurted, your voice shaking slightly as you stepped closer to him. “You’re already weak, and you’re barely standing half the time. Do you even realize how worried I’ve been? How scared—”.

The tears spilled over before you could finish, and you quickly turned away, swiping at your cheeks with the back of your hand. You weren’t usually this emotional, but the hormonal chaos of your period had turned you into a walking mess of feelings. On top of that, the stress of watching Dean push himself too hard while refusing to take care of himself was enough to send you spiraling.

Both Sam and Dean froze as your voice cracked, their eyes widening in surprise at the sudden shift in your tone. Sam exchanged a glance with Dean, his eyebrows raised as if silently asking, What the hell just happened?

Dean, however, looked like he was caught completely off guard. His good hand rested awkwardly on the armrest of his chair, and he blinked at you as if unsure how to react. “Uh”, he started, clearly fumbling for words, “you’re crying over pie?”.

The moment the words left his mouth, you turned sharply, your tear-streaked face blazing with a mixture of anger and disbelief. “Are you kidding me, Dean?”, you snapped, your voice rising. “I’m not crying over pie, you absolute moron!”.

Dean’s mouth opened, but no sound came out. His usual quick wit failed him entirely as you glared at him, your emotions surging like a tidal wave. “I’m crying because you’re being a stubborn, reckless idiot who doesn’t care about himself or the people who care about him!”, you shouted, your voice trembling as fresh tears streamed down your face. “You’re barely eating, you’re not resting, and you think this is all a joke!”.

Sam leaned back slightly in his chair, his hands raised in a silent gesture of surrender as if to avoid getting caught in the crossfire. “I think I’ll, uh… let you two handle this”, he muttered, standing up.

"No!”, you shouted, spinning on your heel to glare at Sam, who froze mid-step, clearly caught off guard. “You don’t get to just walk away from this, Sam!”. Your voice wavered with a mix of anger and frustration, but there was no mistaking the intensity in your tone. “You’re his brother! How can you just sit there and let him act like this? You should be holding him down, making sure he takes care of himself—not letting him get away with being so damn reckless!”.

Sam blinked, his mouth opening slightly as if to respond, but you didn’t give him the chance. “He listens to you, Sam. Or at least, he should. You’ve been through enough with him to know what happens when he keeps pushing himself like this. Why aren’t you doing anything?”.

Dean, still seated behind you, let out a low groan, his head falling back against the chair. “Oh, come on”, he muttered. “Now you’re mad at him? It’s not his fault I’m a pain in the ass”.

You turned back to Dean, your hands flying to your hips as you narrowed your eyes at him. “This is absolutely about you being a pain in the ass, but Sam isn’t off the hook either. You’re his brother, and he should know better!”.

Sam raised his hands defensively, his voice cautious as he tried to defuse the situation. “Okay, hold on”, he said, his tone calm but firm. “I do know better, and trust me, I’ve tried. You know how stubborn he is—it’s like talking to a wall sometimes. But it’s not like I don’t care. I’m worried about him too”.

Dean’s voice cut through your tirade with a sharpness that made you freeze. “Calm down!”, he barked, his tone more authoritative than you’d heard in a long time. His green eyes locked onto yours, frustration flashing behind them as he leaned slightly forward in his chair. “Since when does your period turn you into such a damn little brat?”.

The words hung in the air like a bomb that had just gone off.

Your mouth fell open, completely stunned, and Sam immediately winced, his hand flying up to rub the back of his neck as he took an instinctive step back. “Oh no”, Sam muttered under his breath, clearly wanting no part of what was about to happen.

Dean’s gaze flicked between you and Sam, as if realizing the weight of what he’d just said. “What?”, he muttered, almost defensively, though his voice was already losing steam. “I’m just saying, you’re usually not this…”.

“What?”, you hissed, cutting him off. Your voice was low, dangerously calm, and your eyebrow arched as you took a slow step toward him. “Did you just call me a brat because I’m on my period?”.

Sam’s eyes widened as he began inching toward the door, clearly sensing the storm brewing. “I’ll, uh… I’ll leave you two to this”, he muttered, slipping out as quickly and quietly as possible.

Dean, to his credit—or maybe stupidity—didn’t back down, though you could see a flicker of regret in his expression. “That’s not what I meant”, he said quickly, his voice softening as he raised his good hand in a placating gesture. “I just… you’re all over the place, sweetheart. One second you’re yelling at me, then you’re crying, and now—”.

“Dean”, you interrupted, your voice still calm but with an edge sharp enough to cut steel. “You better stop talking before you dig yourself an even bigger hole”.

Dean’s mouth opened as if to argue, but then he closed it again, his gaze dropping to the table. For a moment, the room was silent, the tension so thick it was almost suffocating. Finally, he let out a long, exasperated sigh, running his good hand through his hair.

“Alright, I’m sorry”, he muttered, his tone genuine despite the awkward delivery. He looked up at you, his green eyes softer now, tinged with a hint of guilt. “I didn’t mean it like that. You’re not a brat. You’re just… worried. And you’ve got every right to be”.

You crossed your arms, narrowing your eyes at him. “Damn right, I do”, you said firmly, though your voice had lost some of its earlier fire.

Dean shifted in his seat, his broken arm cradled awkwardly against his side. “Look, I’m not great at this whole ‘talking about feelings’ thing”, he admitted, his voice gruff. “But I know you’re just trying to take care of me. And I appreciate it, okay? Even if I’m a stubborn pain in the ass”.

You softened slightly at his words, the tension in your shoulders easing just a bit. “You are a pain in the ass”, you muttered, though your tone was lighter now.

Dean smirked faintly, his good hand reaching out to gently tug you closer. “Yeah, but you love me anyway”, he said, his voice low and teasing, though there was a flicker of vulnerability in his eyes. “Right?”.

You sighed, shaking your head as you allowed yourself to be pulled closer. “Unfortunately for me”, you replied, a small smile tugging at your lips despite yourself.

Dean’s smirk widened, and his thumb brushed over your hand. “See? We’re good. Now come here and sit down before you yell at me again”.

You rolled your eyes but let him guide you to the chair beside him, the tension between you slowly dissolving. For all his stubbornness and occasional idiotic comments, Dean knew how to make things right—eventually.

You sighed, settling into the chair beside Dean and letting your shoulders slump slightly. The intensity of the moment was fading, leaving you feeling embarrassed by your earlier outburst. You glanced at him, chewing your bottom lip before muttering, “I’m sorry”.

You hesitated for a moment, staring at the table as you toyed with a stray thread on your shirt. “I didn’t mean to get so dramatic”, you admitted quietly. “I… It’s just… the birth control, I think. It’s messing with my hormones or something”.

Dean’s expression softened, the lines of frustration and exhaustion smoothing into something far gentler. He reached out with his good hand, resting it lightly on your arm. “Hey”, he said, his voice calm and reassuring. “You don’t need to apologize for that. It’s not like you’re doing it on purpose”.

You looked up at him, a flicker of relief crossing your face at his understanding tone. “I just hate feeling like this”, you said, your voice trembling slightly. “Like I’m all over the place. I’m not usually like this, you know? And then there’s you, not eating, not taking care of yourself, and it just… it’s too much”.

Dean’s hand tightened slightly on your arm, his thumb brushing small, soothing circles over your skin. “Sweetheart”, he said softly, “it’s okay. I get it. And you’ve got every right to feel the way you do. Hell, if I were in your shoes, I’d probably be yelling at me too”.

That brought a small, reluctant smile to your lips, and Dean smirked in response, the corner of his mouth quirking upward in that familiar way that always made your heart skip a beat.

“Look”, he continued, his tone more serious now. “I know I’ve been a stubborn jackass, but I’ll try, okay? I’ll eat something. Even if it’s not pie. And I’ll take it easy”. His eyes searched yours, a flicker of guilt lingering in their depths. “I don’t like seeing you upset”.

You felt a lump rise in your throat at his words, and you nodded, swallowing hard. “Thank you”, you whispered, your voice barely audible.

Dean leaned back slightly, his smirk returning as he gave your arm a gentle squeeze. “But just so you know”, he added, his tone teasing now, “pie’s still the best part of any meal”.

You rolled your eyes, but your smile widened as you swatted at his arm lightly. “You’re impossible”.

Dean chuckled, the sound warm and genuine, and for the first time in days, you felt a sense of calm settle over you.

The rest of the day passed in relative peace, though it was clear both Winchester brothers were treading carefully around you. Dean, stubborn as he was, had actually eaten something—granted, it was more pie, but progress was progress. Meanwhile, Sam buried himself in research for a new case, his brow furrowed in concentration as he flipped through old lore books.

You, on the other hand, were completely absorbed in your own little world. Lounged in one of the bunker’s oversized chairs, you balanced a tub of cookie dough ice cream in your lap, periodically dipping chips into it. Your headphones were snug over your ears, blocking out everything but the show playing on your tablet. You were content, happily distracted by Netflix and your unusual snack combination.

Dean, sitting at the table with Sam, glanced over at you with a smirk tugging at his lips. He leaned closer to his brother, his voice low but still carrying a teasing edge. “Man”, he murmured, nodding toward you. “If she’s this moody from just the pill, I better never get her pregnant”.

Sam, who had been immersed in a book, snorted in surprise before letting out a laugh. He shook his head, his amusement clear as he shot Dean a knowing look. “Not for at least the next five years, Dean”, he said, his tone playful but firm. “She’s way too young for that”.

Dean turned to glare at his brother, though there wasn’t much heat behind it. “What’s that supposed to mean?”, he muttered, his voice defensive.

Sam shrugged, leaning back in his chair as he raised an eyebrow at Dean. “You wouldn’t just throw that out there unless you’ve been thinking about it”, he pointed out, his smirk widening. “I know you, Dean. That joke didn’t come from nowhere”.

Dean’s face reddened slightly, and he looked away, clearly annoyed at being called out. “Whatever”, he grumbled, focusing back on his book, though you could see the way his jaw tightened.

Meanwhile, oblivious to the quiet exchange, you scooped up another bite of ice cream with a chip, completely engrossed in your show. If you’d heard what they were talking about, you might’ve dropped your ice cream altogether.

Sam chuckled to himself, clearly pleased with how much he’d riled Dean up. “Just saying”, he added lightly, flipping a page in his book. “You’ve got time. No rush”.

Dean rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah, well”, he muttered, his voice low and a little gruff, “it’s not like I’m ever gonna have kids anyway. This life? It’s not exactly family-friendly”.

Sam glanced up from his book, his expression softening as he studied his brother. “You don’t know that”, he said, his voice thoughtful. “Maybe someday things’ll change. You could have a family, Dean. A real shot at being happy”.

Dean snorted, shaking his head. “C’mon, Sam. Let’s be real. I’ve got a messed-up past, demons on speed dial, and about a hundred other reasons why that’s never gonna happen. Not exactly a picket-fence kind of guy. And you´re neither”.

Sam leaned back in his chair, resting his elbows on the armrests as he gave Dean a measured look. “You say that now”, he said carefully, “but I’ve been thinking… I don’t want to do this forever either. Maybe in a few years, I’ll settle down. Find a way to live a quieter life. Hell, I’ve always wanted kids”.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up, his lips twitching into a smirk. “Little Sam Juniors running around? Hope they come with a manual, Sammy, ’cause I don’t see you handling diaper duty”.

Sam chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m serious, Dean. I want a life outside of this—something more. Don’t you?”.

Dean’s smirk faltered slightly, his eyes flicking toward you lounging in the chair with your headphones on. For a brief moment, something unspoken passed over his face—a flicker of what-ifs and maybes—but he quickly masked it with a shrug. “I don’t know, man”, he said, his voice quieter. “Maybe for you. You’d be good at it”.

Sam tilted his head, his eyes narrowing slightly as he watched his brother. “You say that like it’s not possible for you too”.

Dean huffed a humorless laugh, reaching for the cup of coffee on the table. “Let’s just focus on the case, alright?”, he said, effectively changing the subject.

Sam didn’t push, though his thoughtful expression lingered. It was clear he wasn’t done with the conversation, but for now, he let it slide, returning to his research. Dean’s eyes drifted back to you, his features softening despite the gruff exterior he was trying to maintain.

Dean’s mind kept drifting, no matter how much he tried to focus on the book in front of him. He knew he was being ridiculous—you were too young to be having conversations about kids, and the two of you were still in the early stages of your relationship. It wasn’t the time, and he wasn’t the guy to even entertain that kind of future… or so he thought.

But the thought of you, your small, delicate frame carrying something so undeniably his, wouldn’t leave him. It stirred something deep in him—something primal and possessive, something that made his chest tighten and his body react in ways he hadn’t expected. The idea of you glowing, rounded with his child, hit him harder than he wanted to admit, and he cursed himself as he felt the heat pooling low in his abdomen.

Dean shifted in his chair, trying to will the reaction away, but it was no use. His jeans felt tighter, and the book in front of him suddenly seemed like the least interesting thing in the world. He clenched his jaw, leaning back slightly as if the change in position would somehow help. It didn’t.

He glanced at you, still curled up in the chair with your tablet and snacks, completely oblivious to the chaos you’d inadvertently caused in his head. Your face was relaxed, your small movements as you shifted and dipped chips into ice cream so natural and unguarded. It wasn’t like you were trying to do anything to him—you were just being you. And that made it even harder to ignore.

Get it together, Dean, he scolded himself silently, dragging a hand down his face. But the idea of you pregnant—his baby growing inside you, proof of the love you shared—sent another wave of heat through him. It wasn’t just physical; it was deeper, more profound. The thought scared the hell out of him, but it also stirred something he couldn’t deny.

He shifted again, letting out a frustrated sigh that caught Sam’s attention. “You alright?”m Sam asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked up from his research.

Dean nodded quickly, his voice a little strained. “Yeah, just stiff from sitting too long”, he lied, leaning forward and propping his elbow on the table as if that would somehow disguise his discomfort.

Sam gave him a skeptical look but didn’t press, returning to his book with a shrug. Dean glanced back at you once more, letting out a slow, steady breath. He had to get a grip. There was no way he could explain what was going on in his head right now without embarrassing himself—and probably scaring the hell out of you.

Still, as he shifted his focus back to the book, the thought lingered, stubbornly refusing to leave.

Eventually, you stood up from your chair, stretching your legs after sitting for so long. With your tub of ice cream in one hand and your tablet tucked under your arm, you made your way awkwardly toward the kitchen. The cramps were starting to kick in again, and you figured a hot water bottle would help. Dean watched you leave, his eyes trailing after you like a magnet.

The tension in his body hadn’t eased since the thoughts of you and the idea of a family had crept into his head. He told himself to stay put, to let it go, but his legs had other plans. Quietly, he got up, cradling his broken arm against his chest as he followed you down the hall.

———————————

A/N: Please let me know what you think.🥰 

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Part 19

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Taglist: @blackcherrywhiskey @baby19sthings @suckitands33 @spnfamily-j2 @lyarr24 @deans-baby-momma @reignsboy19 @kawaii-arfid-memes @mekkencspony @lovziy @artemys-ackles @fitxgrld @libby99hb @lovelyvirtualperson @a-lil-pr1ncess @nancymcl @the-last-ry @spndeanwinchesterlvr @hobby27 @themarebarroww @kr804573 @impala67rollingthroughtown @deans-queen @deadlymistletoe @selfdestructionandrhum @utyblyn @winchesterwild78 @jackles010378 @chirazsstuff @foxyjwls007 @smoothdogsgirl @woooonau @whimsyfinny @freyabear @laaadygisbooornex3 @quietgirll75 @perpetualabsurdity @ladykitana90 @fullbelieverheart @chainsawsangel @zaratahir @rebecca-hvnstn @maackiimoo @mayafatimakhan @ladysparkles78 @lachelledavies-winchester @kamisobsessed @kr804573 @c1gs-coffee @fyegyall

@lilbloggs @emily-winchester @star-yawnznn @noell666 @averagedenjienjoyer0290 @impala67rollingthroughtown @stellamagicmoon

[abyssalzones]

haven't seen anyone talking about it yet and idk if I have enough of the show on tap in my brain to launch into a big analysis post about it but it's genuinely fascinating what severance is doing right now in regards to gemma's role as a character and orientalism directed at asian women. ESPECIALLY in a work of sci-fi oh my god. everything about dr. mauer's fixation on her as a rotating cast of severed gemmas fulfilling these little play-roles where she gets dressed like a doll and put in these inherently vulnerable, embarrassing, dehumanizing situations. sit in this dentist chair for me. write out a hundred thank-you letters as my little christmas wifey with your non-dominant hand. dress up to play tennis with me. try to relax in this crashing plane and I'll take your order like nothing's wrong. "she's fond of me too of course" "didn't she try to break your hand?" and everything he said trying to suggest to her that one of her innies might have affection for him. even as ms. casey she's the Therapist, she exists explicitly to comfort others and then goes back down into the dark. What the fuck. what the fuck

[reddesires]

Flustered. [Noa x Human!Reader]

Pairing: Noa x Human! Reader

Summary: Noa accidentally comes across you during your private bathing time, very much embarrassing on both parts.

Fandom: (Kingdom Of The) Plant Of The Apes

Rating: Fluff (nothing too cringe worthy)

A/N: Hopefully, more inspiration comes to me after posting this one, I feel the block coming to bonk me. Enjoy the fruits of my effort lol

Requests are welcomed!

You surmised that the steep pond you came across during one of your escapades was perfect for your much needed alone time, a relaxing bathing spot a luxury you couldn't wait to take opportunity of.

You chose to sneak off while everyone was busy with their tasks for the day. The mid day breeze gently blew through the trees. You sighed as you peered down the path leading back to the eagle clan. It was barren of any presence.

Usually, there was always someone accompanying you during these times, but you desperately needed time on your own to self reflect on certain things or more like a certain clan leader.

'I haven't seen much of him today..' The thought reigned over your head as you rid yourself of your garments and leisurely stepping into the cool waters, you shivered at the sensation. The ripple of the small tide you created as you stepped in casting a mesmerizing glimmer on the surface.

You slowly swam out til the clear pool just reached above your chest, It's been awhile since you've been able to experience a clearing such as this, the pond was coincided with a miniature waterfall and the edges were surrounded with a rocky ledge.

You leaned your head back into the water, your hair soaking up the moisture feeling as relief filled your veins at the comfort. Breathing in the pine aroma that filled your lungs, the smell only reminded you of him the more you indulged.

He smelled of pine and the earth after a rainy night. You couldn't help the intake of breath as he stood near to you. He filled your senses, and it seemed your brain went into hyperdrive each time you found yourself in his company. You stood at a standstill, and it often frustrated you.

You wondered if he got a tingle that traveled up his spine every time your hands would accidentally touch, was their electricity that traveled from his fingertips to throughout his body like it did you..

You wanted to scream out in frustration at the sheer notion of it all, you have so much responsibility to worry about but it seems like all you can think about is him. it's been killing you, this primal apprehension takes over your emotions and you just want to lay claim.

You glide over to the ledge of the pool, your arms resting in a laxed position on it. You lay your head on your arms, feeling a pout cross your lips, and you roll your eyes at all the thoughts floating around your head.

Noa seemed to haunt your very being, and it confused you endlessly. You've never felt this way before. You notice that the tips of your ears felt warm, an embarrassed feeling creeping up on you.

You noticed a shadow overhead. You could only assume that it was eagle sun flying around the area. You wondered if he was aimlessly flying or perhaps he was seeking you out on Noa's behalf. You hoped it was the former.

As the eagle soared off, you leaned back into your arms as your body lightly floated in the relaxing pool. You did feel a tad bit vulnerable in this state. Despite everything, you still had inherent human attributes. You valued your privacy, unlike your ape counterparts.

Looking at your hand, you studied the miniscule details when you heard the rustle of bushes. You decided that it wasn't anything of consequence and resumed on.

Noa had noticed when a certain Echo wasn't wandering around the camp as the usual routine, he was busy tending to the eagles in the high tree so when he came down with you no where in sight he thought the worst.

When he had asked Soona, Anaya and even his mother, he felt like he was gonna drown in panic when they weren't aware of where you had went so as last resort he sent out Eagle Sun to scout out the area.

Rushing to the clearing that eagle sun flew above, worried that you were in some sort of peril due to your sudden disappearance, there was no sounds of struggle nor did he smell your scent that he knew by heart. He often felt bouts of resentment at himself, feeling like he should've done something to prevent things he couldn't have possibly predicted.

The thought of you in danger brought up a deep animalistic urge in his body, an aching sense settling in his canines, blood lust clouding his rationality.

He broke out of the brush into a clearing, a striking cerulean pond in the middle, a peaceful air settled in the environment. He felt his heart and mind calm when he saw you within in his line of sight, the water encasing you comfortably.

As he mind finally perceived the situation, he couldn't help the sound of surprise that erupted from his muzzle. A heat suddenly spread throughout his whole body, he wasn't sure if it was the sun's egregious warmth that took hold of him or the sight of your body that was barren of all articles of clothing he was so used to seeing you sport.

Obviously he had taken heed of your constant need for privacy, he didn't really understand the notion of it since apes were very open with little to no need of personal space but when you expressed to him why it was important to you as an individual, he also concluded it was echo trait.

He feels right at this moment that he may have overstepped and he's frozen in a stupor.

Having heard the sound, you turn your head in curiosity. "Noa!" You yelp, startled by his presence despite being deep in thought about him for the entirety of your bathing.

You cover your chest, red rising from your neck to your cheeks, you bite your lip now feeling more vulnerable more than ever as your in full of view to Noa's line of sight.

Noticing him gawking, you lean over the ledge grabbing a small stick throwing it in his direction to snap him out of it "Noa! Look away!"

Bowing his head, he chuffs before turning his back you "Sorry, Echo..Noa was worried.." he says, his words seeming choppy an anxiousness hanging onto his enunciation.

You laugh, shaking your head with incredulity, the embarrassment lingering in your bones, but you know that Noa meant no harm, and it's likely he'll be super apologetic for disturbing you.

Climbing out of the pond and readying yourself, you think about how worried he was for you and you couldn't fight the flutter in you chest.

[corvidcrossbow]

Daryl's into shibari but let me explain:

It's not even so much so in the kinky way for physical restraint and all that, but more in a sort of artistic or therapeutic way. Given his background in hunting, tracking and survival skills n whatnot, he already had talent in tying all sorts of knots – so it'd only make sense.

He played around with it when he was younger, and would sit with some yarn or other thin string, alone at whatever random shack he was currently crashing at, just practicing winding it around one of his hands, weaving over his wrist for a cuff, or incorporating his fingers and back of his hand into it – and as he grew more understanding of it, up his forearm, and maybe his thighs at some point too.

It's a sort of fidget for him. He's able to let his mind go and just focus on tying the knots in specific spots and creating intricate patterns and designs. It's relaxing, draws his thoughts into a craft and pushes back against all the intrusive ones. It quickly became something he could do subconsciously, so he uses it to help him think; clears his mind of everything else by keeping his hands busy so he can put attention to more important things.

Obviously he couldn't really do this once the apocalypse happened (he'd rather a walker bite him than someone catch him doing something viewed as taboo, plus you need to be able to up and move very suddenly) – so he swapped to tying and braiding large blades of grass & the young bark from trees.

He'd do a little at the prison during the timeskip, but wouldn't settle back into it till the post-Savior era. It took some readjusting because of all the times being tied up had been used against him in malicious manners post-apocalypse, but he worked to reclaim it and have it be something he could seek solace in again.

You'd learn about it eventually, once your friendship stretched to a relationship and was very deep and sturdy. He'd be so nervous and embarrassed to tell you since, again, it's a generally sexual thing, but it's not inherently like that for him and he didn't want you to think he was weird for it.

But when it came to involving you in it; that took even longer. He wouldn't be open to it at least until long after the Savior war – once things had kinda settled down: you had a secure place to live, a good network of people, and there wasn't a sense of an impending threat every day. You had some peace, and more importantly time.

Maybe it'd start with you two on a run together; you're in a hardware or outdoor supplies store, gathering bundles of rope and you'd make a joke about him tying you up, just to see how he gets flustered after picturing it.

But not long after, you two'd have a genuine conversation about it that'd end in sitting quietly on the edge of the bed together, Daryl loosely doing simple ties with some yarn around one of your hands. He felt very vulnerable, given he's essentially not only letting you into his therapy sessions, but incorporating you into it. Shibari became his scapegoat from his life and trauma-scarred psyche for years; it's something he treasures – and he treasures you the same way. It would always be very intimate.

So once you were both comfortable with it, he'd love it; just sitting together in the evenings and letting him create his little artistic nets of rope on your body, starting with just your hands then arms and simple knots that could be easily undone. Then as time passed, and a period of peace became more prevalent, he did more complex ones and covered more of your body.

Once you expanded, he went out on solo runs to find specific ropes he wanted, maybe swinging by adult stores if needed. The first time he did your torso, he was so utterly transfixed by it: kept breaking the silence every now and again to remark how beautiful you looked.

And then when you did your torso and all without a layer of clothes blocking your skin it pretty much broke him. He was instantly addicted to the way the color of the rope he chose complimented your skin tone, how it so perfectly curled around every curve of your body. Once he was done he just sat back and stared at you. With all the meaning behind it, it was one of the most gorgeous things he'd ever seen.

For the first long while, it was only designs on you, and they weren't physically retraining. He wanted both of you to have experience in it before coming to that. And then when you did, he bound your wrists together, constantly checking if you were okay with it, then undid it pretty quickly.

That's where it started to branch into more sexual territory. Some of it was the control aspect, but it was more so how trusting you were of him; letting him be in control like that – and again just how perfect you looked woven into his masterpieces. First he'd do it, drag eyes over your body, then undo them, toss it aside and kiss you to push you back to lay in the bed.

But then he started keeping them on – but not the more physically restraining ones at first, just the pretty decor ones. This is all a process of progression, so when you did get to more restraining, it was usually just binding your wrists, tying your limbs to the bed frame, or arms to your chest, once and a while a little more than that.

Shibari with him would never be like the more intense stuff you see in BDSM spaces n allat – he will not super roughly tie you up in some weird ass position where rope is digging into your skin and leaving burns behind. He is never one to completely immobilize you. You being super restrained would make him nervous even if you were okay with it. And he's not at all into suspension: he has the skills to set it up right but he doesn't trust it, and that's veering too much into deeper kinky territory for his taste. He doesn't want to ruin this for himself by making it so explicitly sexual.

Like I said, it's much more intimate and remedial. It's about appreciating your figure and including you in something so important to him. You with geometric shapes and knots of rope that he made delicately mapped around your body will always be one of his favoritest things.

And if you wanted to learn, he'd teach you. Knowing knots in general was important in the apocalypse, plus everything else about it. He'd let you restrain him to a further extent than he would you.

And him knelt in bed, rope around his upper thighs that circled his hips and waist, up his chest and around his torso, binding his arms behind his back with his red rag tied around his eyes like a blindfold quickly became one of your favoritest things too <3

And bunny would skyrocket as a petname for both of you cuz rope bunny, duh

Like c'mon that's my rope bunny rigger