#is it even truly a happy ending because we lost tech??

[evenmoreofadisaster]

the last chapter was my favorite in the whole fic so far! I'm very invested and very pleased to see how fleshed out this has become- I absolutely love the dynamics. I'm so intrigued to see how this story plays out, thank you for the wonderful writing!

Apologies if this has been asked before, but regarding Two not getting enough praise and feeling lesser than in comparison to One, is there a particular vulnerability that hurts more than the others? I'm assuming the list is fairly long but the ones I can think of are their names, his softshell, his tech malfunctioning, and his lost arm.

(I think this was in reference to Smart Lair, I just took a while to respond, sorry about that)

Thank you! I don't think this has been asked before actually

I think those are the main things so I'll just dig into them a bit more ehe

yeah, the names are a big one, mostly because of the ranks associated with them.

Two's tech is another important one since he thinks it's the only thing that makes him truly valuable (as an extension of his intellect). So, when One insults his tech or it malfunctions he gets defensive and takes criticism personally.

I would say the lost arm and softshell are insecurities to a lesser extent. Two's more sensitive about the experiment he conducted than the lost arm itself. That's mostly because Draxum uses it as a reason not to trust Two to work unsupervised, which justifies Two's lower rank, while One uses it to take Two's credibility away when he needs to (I feel like that's mostly for the events in the fic, though, since he's actively trying to deceive Draxum AND Two). Two personally sees the actual amputation as proof that he can not only come back from anything but come back even better than before, in this case with the enhanced prosthetic. So, it's a bit of a complicated subject for him since Draxum only sees it as a reason to distrust him. I don't really think Two would be insecure about losing an arm, since we figured Draxum would be able and willing to train him to fight without it (I can't remember if we mentioned Two more directly removing himself from training than Draxum, who just avoided him for a bit.) So it's more the accident itself and the way it changed his reputation that he's insecure about. The arm is a sensitive subject as a reminder of his personal and professional failure. I tried to sort of hint at that in this comic.

I haven't actually thought of Two's softshell being an insecurity in depth before but now that I am I'd say it's a sort of similar situation. Two, like canon Donnie, is aware that his softshell is a weak spot that his brother does not have to worry about, which is why it's a comparative disadvantage. As far as I understand, softshell carapaces aren't SUPER fragile on their own, they're just more fragile than other turtles. So Two would have the same kind of durability as a normal yokai or human child. Perhaps when he was younger he was more insecure about it because Draxum would probably warn Two and One to be careful which would just be an early example of One stepping up as the 'oldest' which Two isn't super happy about (I've talked about Two struggling with feeling respected in the household). But when he's older, probably after he lost his arm and after One's accident he ends up just erasing the weak point by giving it defensive capabilities. I wouldn't be surprised if he installed them after giving himself the arm as if to overcompensate for losing the arm in the first place. Like, in stead of just fixing his mistake so he's as he was before, he's showing he'll make himself even better, both by adding enhanced systems and tools to his prosthetic and by giving himself the spines. But i'm not 100% sure so that may change lol. But anyway, the shell is a vulnerability by being something people can use to prove that One is better than Two, and by being a literal weak spot as a turtle. Two installs the spines in his shell so that his enemies can't take advantage of his soft shell, and so that he has a way to make himself equal to and even surpass the tactile advantage that One gets from his shell. "Take that, mother nature" --Two, probably.

Aside from those, another vulnerability would be Two's temperament. He's got a lot of anger and aggression that he doesn't have much control over, which can make him a liability for One and Draxum, and thus makes him anxious because the more emotional he gets the more of a problem he is. It's just another reason Draxum can't fully trust Two, and he knows it. Two's unpredictable, temperamental, and pretty uncontrollable when he wants to be. I love these qualities because it really shows how passionate Two is, and is a good tell for when Two is really hurting or adamant about something, but One and Draxum will shut Two up by telling him he's forgetting himself or being overemotional, and it's one of the things that Two is not proud of so it usually works. Two tries to remain unaffected and composed and usually succeeds except when it comes to his anger, which is usually born from anxiety or hurt.

That one ties into the vulnerability that hurts the most, which is the notion that Two is a "loose cannon," as One puts it in Smart Lair. It's what ties back to most of the stuff that is on this list and is a big topic in Mind Meld and Smart Lair. In Mind Meld, Two snaps at Splinter when he calls his experiments crazy ("'I am not crazy!'"). He gets worked up when One messes with his technology because, of course, it's his job and he takes it very seriously, but it's also because every haywire experiment is just another docked point against his credibility, and the same goes for his emotional outbursts. He got the label when he did the experiments that got himself and One hurt, and being a high profile criminal in the Hidden City just proves the point and further threatens Draxum's mission. Draxum doesn't trust Two because he is afraid of what he's capable of, but instead of respecting Two's commitment he calls his unpredictable behavior a flaw that keeps him in the second rank. Two's furious because his ambition and passion are labelled as unpredictable and erratic, and that leaves Two constantly trying to fight against behavior that he believes makes him an invaluable asset to Draxum. So that's why Two fluctuates between following orders without question and working on really dangerous projects on his own

Great ask! thank you! I hope this all makes sense :)

[trek-tracks]

It’s weird to me that I spent the entire day yesterday celebrating DeForest Kelley's birthday and then what did I dream about? Not TOS Bones, but of hanging out with Karl Urban.

This is the latest in my string of increasingly bizarre dreams about The Boys, a show which, I cannot emphasize enough, I have not even seen five minutes of and know very little about (I've seen some gifs). In this one I was hired to play Butcher’s long-lost superhero daughter, (which makes zero sense given our respective ages), so I was spending a lot of time on set trying to learn the ropes of the show. According to my dream, Butcher’s superpower was to turn into a giant worm.

I asked Karl how that was helpful and he said: “It’s not.”

“...Except for that one episode where we had to tunnel through some dirt."

And I was like...fair enough.

He said “they don’t use it a lot because the effects are expensive so usually I’m just fighting and brooding.”

My superpower involved solving crossword puzzles. Basically, I had a bunch of blank puzzles, and if I solved a word in the puzzle, that thing would appear. So, many of the solutions were, like, “flaming arrow.” Karl was very impressed that I could solve big crossword puzzles in real life, because he was incapable of actually turning into a giant worm.

The big plot of the year was that Butcher’s ex was pregnant (by whom I don’t know, maybe him) and extremely angry and was sustaining herself by eating human flesh like a zombie. There was an evil law firm that was somehow involved in allowing this to continue. I asked Karl if this made any sense within the arc of the show (again, I can't stress how little I actually know about the show) and he said “just roll with it and don’t think about it too much. That’s what I always do.”

Anyway we wound up at some kind of cast bonding trip on the beach and I kept trying to get a good picture with him to show you all because I thought you’d never believe me otherwise (forgetting, for some reason, that it would be obvious when I was starring in the same show as his kid that we knew each other), but all I had was a crappy 2004 digital camera. He was pretty good at using it, though, because he said his friend Chris Pine never had new tech either. That’s when I admitted that Bones was my favourite Trek character, and we wound up having a conversation about that.

At the end of the trip, we went back to shooting and it turned out that the evil we were fake fighting in the show was real and we had to fight it in real life using modified versions of our TV show powers. It was very complicated. I was about to get killed by an evil hockey player (we were shooting in Toronto, after all) when Karl turned into a giant worm and flattened him. After the fight, back in human form, he was like, huh, I guess I actually can do that in real life.

The season was very successful and we were renewed, and I was really excited about it, until we found out that the big plot twist was that I wasn’t really Butcher’s daughter and this season I was going to date his son (does he even have a son? I have no idea). So I walked off the set because I was afraid Tumblr was going to cancel me for fake incest.

We were renegotiating the plot when I woke up

Anyway, sorry for subjecting you to one of my truly strange dreams, but you’ll all be happy to know that Dream Karl the Sometimes Giant Worm and I are friends now.

[valkeakuulas]

88 TBB?

*stares at the prompt* Dis gonna be interesting. Am writing this to be situated in a world before O66 because need Crosshair there. Pardon the grammar mistakes.

88. “Don’t panic but I think we might have accidentally gotten married…”

The sound, Echo later admitted to himself, was truly impressive. It began as a low rumble that steadily grew into a snarl of rather impressive level, taking over their comm channels. 

Freezing, his scomp stopping from where it had been whirring deep inside the systems, Echo straightened instinctively in his crouch and behind him, Hunter did the same. 

“Sitrep, Tech,” Hunter’s voice filled the Batch’s channel, and Echo twisted enough to give a look at the Sergeant over his shoulder, seeing how the man’s shoulder’s tensed when the snarl began anew. 

“Tech? Crosshair? What is going on?” 

The channel chirped as Wrecker joined, his eager tone a complete opposite to Hunter’s concerned one. “Do you need a diversion? Because I can come up with something! Just gimme a sec!”

Turning his attention back to the port, Echo quickly abandoned his task on finding the logs they were after and instead accessed the security cameras, trying to see what was going on the other side of the administration building where Tech and Crosshair were currently. 

“Stand down, Wrecker,” Hunter ordered sharply, the huff of disappointment filling both Hunter and Echo’s audios. “Tech, what’s going on?” 

There, Echo thought when the implants let him “see” through the security cameras. 

Tech and Crosshair were standing in front of a rather fancily dressed natborn, the insectoid’s eyestalks shifting in tandem while the thin, transluscent wings fluttered minutely. In one the natborn’s three clawed hands was a long, cylinder like... something that the insectoid was eagerly trying to offer to the two men. 

From what Echo could deduce, Tech was consulting his datapad while Crosshair stood there, his whole being radiating extreme hostility even through the security feed. 

Personally, Echo was rather impressed that the sniper hadn’t shot the natborn just yet from the looks of it. 

Echo “watched” Tech reach for his helmet and the comm channel chirped as he opened the connection. “There’s been a small change in our plans,” Tech spoke, unruffled to the least. 

The second he started to speak, the snarling started once more. 

It was by then that Echo realised it was Crosshair. 

Crosshair was growling like a wampa that had been shot in the ass. 

“What kind of change?” Hunter asked tensely, and from his tone, Echo guessed that he was already planning on how to get his squadmates out of whatever trouble they had gotten themselves into.

From another end of the channel, before Hunter had even finished, Wrecker boomed, “I’ll be there in five seconds!” 

“Don’t panic but I think we might have accidentally gotten married,” Tech informed placidly, as if he was commenting on the latest upgrade on The Marauder. 

Silence. 

Well, except for the thunderous snarl from Crosshair. 

Echo quietly accessed another security camera and zoomed right into the sniper’s face. Sure, Crosshair was wearing wearing his helmet but knowing how to read a vod’s mood while in their hardshell was practically sixth sense all Clone Trooper’s learnt on their own. 

And yep. 

That was one upset vod right there. 

Kriff, Echo had just lost three IOUs to Wrecker. Wrecker, who, as Echo had found out, was definitely a lot smarter than he let on, and more than happy  to let others fool others with his Muscles persona, started laughing victoriously.

Hunter’s loud sigh was nearly lost beneath it but not his words. “Kriffing finally. Congratulations. Think you two can keep your plating on until we get back to the ship?”

Crosshair’s snarl was his only reply, and through the security feed Echo witnessed the sniper use one hand to grab the thing (a wedding certificate?) form the insectoid natborn’s claws while using the other one to rip his helmet off. 

Echo half-winced at the way the still snarling Crosshair smashed his and Tech’s mouths together but from the way Tech wrapped his arms around the sniper, the other man definitely wasn’t against the rough treatment. 

No, Tech actually was actually giving back as good as he got. 

“I am going to take that as a ‘no’ then,” Hunter muttered dryly, unable to see what was going on but most likely hearing just enough through the still open comm channels. 

Shaking his head, Echo removed himself from the security cameras.

But not before taking a few image captures of the happy new couple and their wing fluttering wedding officiator. 

[the-good-projxct]

May 1st, 2024

Listening to King Promise, Sarkodie Can’t let you go. It is 10:07pm. I am in the other room in Karen sleeping with Kendi and KaMami. KaMami leaves in two days. I am happy and sad. I feel like a lot of energy is consumed engaging with her and SweSwe. But also, I will miss being here with them. I think the reality of being here is about to hit harder. KaMami and LoustaLousta came two weeks after I got here so it feels like I am still home. Them leaving is…tough. But also, I am ready to get into my life here. A lot of people are still assuming that I am going back with KaMami so the reality is about to hit them too. Anyway, it is what it is. Life is Gøod. God is Gøod. I was thinking about how I am so many people in one. I am currently reading Yaa Gyasi - Transcendent Kingdom. In the third chapter, she says : 

I started to feel like I didn’t have a self  to get a hold of, or rather that I had a million selves. Too many to gather.

Weuh. I felt that. Sometimes I feel like I am the galaxy. I am starburst. I am all the stars in the Universe as  variations of myself. I could feel the night sky with all the versions of me that exist. I am so vast, so complex, impossible to fully grasp. Aren’t we all? Depending on where you look at me from, I am different stars or a Black hole absorbing light. Yet on some days, I want to contain all of this in a petri dish. Like I am some experiment and I am a mad scientist. Instead of being an astrophysicist who comprehends the wonders and complexities of the galaxies, I choose to be a lab tech looking into a petri dish. I choose that because it is easier to understand things that are contained, controlled, managed, boxed. But in reality, I am not. I never will be. I am leaning into my vastness. That I am a lot. And that is how I was made to be. All of us are a lot. I am learning to Love me. Not just the idea of a singular me, I am learning to Love ALL of me, all the variations of me that exist. It is a beautiful, scary thing. Imagine that deeply and truly Loving myself is scary, complex, this never ending journey. Imagine Loving someone else. And in many ways, falling in Love with someone is pushing myself to Love me more. Because in many ways, I find myself Loving him more. There are things he does, says, moves that make me Love him more. Like in knowing him more, I Love him more. And I apply that to myself too. The more I know myself, the more I Love me. Something is changing in me, I am reading more. I am on my third book in the last week. The more I read, the more I want to read. I have access to a lot more African writers from here. Which is amazing. African women are such Gøod storytellers. I am getting inspired to write. Like once I finish the Gøod projxct, can I take on a book someday? I might write one book. It will be titled Eden. A lot of the cool, young, African women writers are west African. East Africa hasn’t gotten even one Chimamanda yet. Bruh, lemme join those ranks. See me. See Life. See God. Anyway, no pressure. Just dreams and possibilities. I feel like drawing too. I have said this a few times, I know I will say it and feel it until it starts happening. I am just happy I am reading and engaging with creative tings again. I was feeling a bit lost which made me depressed. I am finding my way back & forward. Life is Gøod. God is Gøod. I am Gøod. Ase. Ase. Ase

[80s4life]

You Take Good Care Of Her Pt.2

Word Count: 1,440

Status: Requested!

Fandom: The Expendables {1-3}

A/N: This was just a little extra spice to add to the first part.  A fluffy, happy ending for all the Lee lovers!

Relationship: Lee Christmas x Reader

Summary: When the mission goes south and leaves the reader injured, feelings arise to the surface in a swarm of feelings at the thought of losing each other, especially when the only things worth while is the other in their lives.

Warnings: mentions of blood, fluff OVERLOAD, language (We’re dealing with grown-men-children okay?)

Masterlist The Expendables Masterlist  Part One

{not my gif}

Despite his attempts, he knew he wouldn't ever be able to resist her, and for that, he didn't care what he had to go through, he was going to have her. Because she was his, and he was hers, no matter who knew.

And now we continue...

With his newfound set of mind, Lee made it his priority to say hi to Y/N every morning, smile, wave, and even engage he in conversation.  "You really are desperate aren't ya?" he thought, trying to be as gushy and nice as possible.  He was trying to be so different he wanted to gag.  Sometimes he wondered if this new act was something that Y/N would get used to and he would have to keep up this act for the rest of his life.

Y/N knew Lee was being weird.  The first thought she had was that he was sick, but now, as he openly made eye contact with her, spoke to her, even sometimes winked, she found herself thinking of the knives expert more than she thought she ever would.  He was sweet yes, but she's lying to herself if she didn't like the true Lee she knew.  Back when he was very avoidant of her, she saw who Lee truly was, but at afar.  He was snarky, mysterious, funny, British to the bone, and strong mentally and physically.

Barney saw this shit from the very beginning.  But, even as he didn't want his baby sister falling in love and being left brokenhearted, he knew the two good enough to know that they needed each other.  At one point, once he saw Lee start acting like a lovesick puppy, he started to secretly root for them, joining the ship Yin Yang and Toll had built months ago.  This didn't mean he was going to make it easy for the man either though.  They still all had a job to do and love is going to get in their way if they don't focus.

Dropping down in the forests below, the Expendables, clad in black suits, weapons to attack 5 states, and high tech gear to guide them through the thick forest.  Barney, splitting the team off to get to the best views of the town under attack, tells the group where to go while giving them all ear pieces to keep up with communication.  Gunnar, going along the outskirts where the forest meets the open town lands, squats, getting a visual on the sniper at the top tower, utterly excited to finally use his new toy: a big ass bazooka.  Toll and Yin Yang sticking together to find shelters near one another but still separated.  Barney, not wanting to leave his sister alone on a mission, appoints Lee to her, knowing the two have each other's backs while still not getting into Barney's dangerous line of sight.

As the group splits, its only natural for the foreign enemies to spot them.  With the first cry, most likely to alert the opposing team's members, made Y/N's stomach tie up in knots, always an unsettling noise to be paired with the impending war ahead.  Times like these make her go into a dangerous trance, back to the war and military she was a part of for 10 years.  Even as the images flash through her mind, she tries hard to yank them away, focusing her for the time being.

As the war raged on, the pairs of teams the Expendables once had have broken up accidentally, communication soon being cut off during the blasts and explosions, leaving Y/N alone.  She had dropped it as she was taking cover from the harsh blows.  With her ear piece gone, she had missed Yin Yang as he had pinpointed the next blast of a missile, not their own, but the rivals as they aimed in her direction.  The team screaming her name through the earpieces, not knowing if she could quite hear them.  By the time Y/N saw her attacker, she only had minimal time to run away.  Getting a great distance away, her lungs burned as he leg caught a rock.  The missile falling seconds later, far away, but not far enough to stop her from the debris crashing and colliding with her small form.

Lee had turned a corner just in time to watch the horrific event play out in his eyes.  Sprinting, he rushes to Y/N, seeing her bloodstained clothes, cuts, and bruises.  Upon his arrival, she looked at him with such fear and pain, almost as much to make her cry as the adrenaline started to run out, the sheer intensity of the pain finally settling in.  Lee held her tight, moving themselves to the closest form of shelter, plopping down, and cradling her body into his own.  She was sitting in his lap, arms weak, and head leaning on his shoulder.  She had made it out fairly lucky now that Lee had gotten a closer look, but not lucky enough for a piece of shrapnel to lodge itself within her torso.

"Your gonna be fine, I swear!  You have to be okay!  I should've never left you behind," Lee almost choked out, as tears threatened to fall.

"Lee, I'm fine.  See?  It's just this piece, if you don't touch it, it doesn't hurt, so can ya' please stop shaking me?" Y/N responded jokingly, trying to lighten the mood as she didn't want Lee to spike her anxiety even higher.  "Do you have an earpiece on you?  Please, get Barney," she asked, wanting her brother more than ever.

"Yeah...Yeah I can do that," he said as he contacted Barney, holding Y/N in an iron grip.  "I was so worried you were dead...I didn't know what I would do with myself if you had. I- I-" Lee stuttered, getting lost in her Y/E/C eyes as they peered up at him.

"You what Lee?" she asked, starting to feel a little lighter with the amount of blood dripping.

"I love you Y/N," he admitted, now fearing for her life more now that he had admitted what he's wanted to say for forever.

With this, a lazy smile appeared on Y/N's face, chuckling lightly with delight, "I love you too Lee."  He could only muster a look of utter disbelief before the rest of the gang showed up, the rest of the mission finishing out in a blur.  At some point, whilst making their way to the hangar of the plane, Y/N had dozed in and out of consciousness, seeing Lee running her away from the mission's town, seeing the plane, the shrapnel being removed by Barney's concentrated and light hands, and later, waking up in a bed, in the hospital with Lee in the chair beside her.  Both of his hands wrapped around her tiny one.

He wakes up once he felt the bed move slightly, Y/N stretching her long worn out body.  Lee bounces out of the chair immediately, asking her if she needs anything, "The only thing I need is this British guy to sit next to me and play with my hair," Y/N responds playfully, Lee smirking as he takes off his boots, keeping his socks, and laying beside Y/N on the hospital bed, both dozing off together.

Click

A quick, almost blinding light flashes once as snickers and mumbling was heard in the direction of the hospital room door.  With the pair now fully awake, and possibly more afraid than they were when Y/N was attacked, they both make eye contact with the res of the Expendables watching the pair, Barney front and center.

"Look, I-" Lee had started, trying to come up with an excuse for how they ended up like this, but ultimately coming up empty and out of excuses.

"No, ya' gonna listen to me.  You take good care of her, ya' hear me?  I'm gonna bust ya' balls if ya' don't, alright?" Barney answered defensively.  "You have my blessing, but ya' better not fuck it up.  I'm warning ya'," he continues, motioning for the team to give them privacy, Toll wiggling his eyebrows before he walks out.

Y/N, falling into a fit of laughter, moves to lay on her back, unable to flip on the right from where the stitches from the shrapnel were placed.  She looks up at Lee, him blocking her from the edge of the right side, her falling in the blissful feeling of love.

"I'm gonna be walking on eggshells for awhile I guess..." he glances at Y/N before continuing, "but I know it's worth it."

With this, Y/N cups Lee's right cheek, pulling him down lightly to capture his lips with her own, sealing the bond they've spent forever building.  Knowing that wherever, whenever, they are always a team, and are always going to be better as long as they are together.

[what---i-dated-a]

Okay so I didn’t wanna derail this post because I think it’s a really good analysis of Parker’s character and her development into the Mastermind but it DID make me think of something and y’all know how I love to analyze and to go on my Nate Is Such A Dad rants so here we are

So the thing is, all three of the younger members of the team showcase different aspects of the Mastermind skillset.

Eliot is an observer, he is constantly absorbing information, analyzing it, filing it away in case it could be useful later. The repetition of ”What? It’s a very distinctive (blank)” and “What? I dated a (profession)” or similar lines are consistent evidence of this skill. He remembers things that the average person doesn’t even notice in the moment. He is constantly aware of what is going on around him, constantly watching. He knows how to insert himself into a situation as needed, knows how to adapt to unexpected circumstances. His vigilance and ability to think on his feet mirror Nate.

I’ve said it before, Hardison is the heart of the crew. He’s the one who cares. They all care, of course, but Hardison wears that on his sleeve. He’s invested. He digs deep into every case that they come across, dives into every job, does the research, forms the profiles, gets hands-on and involved even from behind his computer screen. (As an aside, I think it’s an interesting choice to take the character who has the least reason to be in the field, and make him the most visibly emotional person on the crew, rather than playing the ‘cold detached tech guy’ card.) Because he cares so much (and a little because of his ego, let’s be honest), Hardison doesn’t quit. He sees things through. Just like Nate.

Parker, meanwhile, is analytical. She’s a planner. She spends her free time plotting how to break into high security facilities for fun. Like the post I linked says, she’s the one who thinks of the details the others don’t remember to worry about. She’s (usually) able to set her emotions aside and look at things from an objective perspective. She sees the obstacles in front of her, and figures out if she needs to go over, under, through, etc. She is constantly treating the world around her as a puzzle she needs to solve. Again, a trait she shares with Nate.

And Nate is, yes. A dad. More to the point, he’s a dad with no child, a parent who lost his son, and he has no one to pass his knowledge and wisdom on to. That was taken from him. So what does he do? He finds surrogate children in his crew, and he teaches the three of them as best he can. He offers them advice, tries to help them improve and be the best they can be. Gives them little lessons and nudges them along, sets puzzles in front of them and helps them solve them. Because that’s what good dads do, and Nate is a good dad.

So then, what makes Parker the heir? It’s not that she was inherently more suited for the position than the others; they all had different traits that made them capable of ascending to that particular throne.

The difference is that Eliot and Hardison, for the most part, feel like Complete People. (I mean in their own perception, mind, not the perception of the audience, all the characters are beautifully well-rounded from a writing perspective, and no character is every really truly Complete.) They have their area of expertise, and while they dabble in other areas, they aren’t bothered by the role they play. Both of them are confident in who they are as a person, if not always happy with it (both have their fair share of anxiety and neither thinks that they’re perfect, far from it).

Hardison makes a couple of forays into stretching beyond his current abilities, but he gets in over his head and it sort of bites him in the ass. Considering how smart he is, I have to wonder if he has some of that Gifted Kid Syndrome, where if he’s not instantly perfect at something, he doesn’t want to do it. Because he tries at running things and seems to more or less decide he’s happy doing what he does.

Eliot, meanwhile, is too protective of the others to worry about being in charge. He doesn’t want to lead; if he’s in the lead, he can’t watch their backs. He teaches them a lot so that they can hopefully defend themselves if he’s not there, but at the end of the day, there’s no one he trusts more to protect them than himself. He’ll take charge when he needs to, but he’s more than happy to hand it back as soon as possible.

Parker, though? Parker doesn’t think she’s a Complete Person. She’s confident in her skills, but not much else. She’s uncomfortable with people and constantly being made aware of the fact that she’s Not Quite Normal. There’s nothing wrong with the person she is, of course, but try telling that to the people who keep giving her weird looks (including Eliot, he’s not getting off the hook for that one). She knows she’s different, and while she’s okay with who she is on a certain level, she also feels like she’s missing out on things, some of which she decides that she does, in fact, want.

So when Nate goes to teach, Eliot and Hardison learn what they need to, file that information away to pull out when it’s relevant, and more or less carry on with their business. But Parker absorbs it and makes it a part of herself. You can see, as the show progresses, how she goes from asking Nate questions just because she’s trying to solve The Puzzle That Is Nate, to asking him questions because she wants to solve the same puzzle he’s solving. Eliot and Hardison view Nate as an ally, a teammate. They don’t learn from him anymore than they do each other, or Parker and Sophie. Parker, on the other hand, very much views him as a mentor. More than the others, she sees him as what he’s trying to be to them, however subconsciously: a dad.

[no-52]

hello, it’s me. I’ve thought about you for a long, long time… time for my 3 year update… Every once in a while I just think about tumblr and get extremely sentimental. Made so many friends on here and one day we just all decided to never speak again, I guess. My account got hacked and I lost a lot of followers because of it. Oh well, hope they’re fine. I no longer live in Nashville. I still am working with the artist that I was referring to in my previous post (Penny Lame, pictured here), except now we’ve been in a deeply committed relationship for a year and a half, and we live in Los Angeles with our dog (made a goofy video with him that accidentally went viral in China, Koda, and our cat, Joni. I love Gracen dearly and she apparently loves me.

I kept making music videos for all these years. After surviving COVID, I took a step back from that. It was the same situation where I felt like I wasn’t making what I need to make for my soul. I was getting lazy and pumping out thoughtless drivel and wasn’t happy with it. Last one I made was in November of last year. I liked that one a great deal. I got a job, instead, making videos for a tech company. I hate this job with every bone in my body, but it sure is nice not being a freelancer anymore. I’m saving up money to make a short film that I think is going to change my life. It’s hard to save much of anything right now though. Have a lot of debt hanging over me and California is expensive. I don’t get paid nearly as much as I was led to believe I was going to make, but I like the guys I work with.

I drive a motorcycle now. Bought as a pile of scrap and fixed it up to be my dream motorcycle from when I saw it on this very website when I was 13. A yellow 1973 Honda CB500. It’s pictured here, on a road trip to Utah that ended with my bike on fire and me stranded in the most nothing town in America (think Radiator Springs from Cars, that’s exactly it, mechanic that helped me was even named Doc) for 5 days, truly a life changing experience.

I also recently bought a 1983 Porsche 944 to learn how to work on cars. It broke down the second day I had it and it’s been a 4 month struggle trying to get it to run again. Wish me luck there.

As of right now, I don’t feel especially happy, nor do I feel an immense sense of sadness. I feel like I’m on the cusp of something really good happening to me, and I’m just in an awkward waiting period. California has been hard. I’ve lived here for 2 years now. I’ve been mugged (but you should see the other guys), hit by 2 cars, then COVID started and my car was stolen, tires on motorcycle blew out while I was riding, and I am exhausted. I’m treading water as hard as I possibly can, trying to stay afloat. I think everything will turn out alright. Sometimes it does. I can’t wait for my next 3 year update. If I remember, maybe we’ll go for a yearly post.

Godspeed.

[erendcaptainofthevanguard]

My Horizon: Forbidden West thoughts!

Major spoilers ahead!

I honestly don’t even know how to start this… trying to process everything that happened in the main story has me dizzy. And if I’m being candid, completely drained.

If there’s a good summary of how I responded to most of the main story revelations it’s “What the fuck”; which, if I had gotten a penny for every time I said that phrase, I’d be rich.

But I guess I’ll try to start at the beginning with the thoughts I've had thus far!

I might update this if I think of more!

Thoughts at the beginning of the game:

The opening movie/cutscene were amazing, and the transition into the continuation of Aloy’s journey was smooth. Plus, Varl (nice beard) was such a wonderful companion to have following us in the beginning; It felt natural to me.

MERIDIAN! THE SPIRE!

I was so fucking excited to see it again, and my favorite song playing in the background?! So gooooood.

MARAD, AVAD, ITAMEN AND NASADI, VANASHA AND UTHID!!!! <3

Avad… I love you. But, please, stop.

Erend seeing Aloy again :D Erend getting hurt D: Erend, understandably, upset that she left without saying goodbye :( Passive aggressive Erend is scary and heartbreaking at the same time 0/10 would not want to see him like that again, please and thanks.

Returning Characters!

Let me come back to the returning/mentioned characters of the first game. Yes yes yes!!! We love to see it. At least, I loved to see it. We, of course, have the major supporting characters: Varl and Erend <3 my boys. Like I said earlier, it felt natural to have Varl there, and it was comfortable. He is such a lovely, supporting person who truly cares for Aloy (alongside his… spiritual? devotion to her for being the anointed of the Nora). He was the friend she needed to tell her (convince her) that getting help from others’ is okay, especially when they care for her and want to help. His openness and eagerness to learn was so lovely, too, and when he said he wanted to try to open the rest of the Noras’ perspectives to the old world and tech after this was all done… I love Varl SO MUCH.

Erend… my boy. I can’t help but feel so damn connected to and invested in his character. I was so excited to see him again and what role he would play in this story. When we finally saw him again, I was so excited that he was happy to see Aloy, but when he suddenly got passive aggressive it took me by surprise at first. Erend has faith in her abilities and appreciates her for everything she’s done for him after his sister’s murder and with Dervahl. So when she disappeared from Meridian without a single word, I could see why this would greatly upset him to the point of using passive aggression, as much as it hurts to see him hurt. I mean, he just lost his sister, and then his good friend that he adores just poofs! I don’t know… I’d be pretty sad about that too. ((That being said I must say that I do not encourage passive aggression; it can be extremely hurtful to others)) Anyway, even before HFW came out, that’s kind of why I posted that meme (I’m sorry), because Erend unfortunately has gone through traumatic events in his life (but also what character hasn't?). – I got off topic and went on a rant, whoops… but, altogether he didn’t play as big a role as I wanted him to, but it was still an important one in my opinion. He was present, willing, and actively learning new things to help out his friend. And of course, in the ending quests he was with her. More on this later, maybe. Who's to say?

I actually squealed like a fangirl when I saw Marad. An underappreciated character imo. And, if I must say, he looked really good in these updated graphics. IDK Y’ALL I’M SORRY ALL THESE CHARACTERS ARE LOVELY.

My dear Sun-King Avad… sigh. I don’t really know how to say this. Am I underwhelmed? Was I expecting him to change much in the months Aloy was gone? What he said just… it felt weird?? At this point, I just feel like I blacked out during that scene. I think it was because he said almost the same thing in the previous game, and Aloy was clear to say that she had other obligations to take care of first, even if it were to be a possibility. IDK I love Avad sooo much, but the same question threw me off. Although, I LOVED the part where he said he wasn’t intending to stay on the throne long, wishing for Itamen to take it when he’s old enough; and maybe joining Aloy on her travels? Yes, I like that idea more than her cooped up in a palace ‘getting to know’ him.

I’m glad we got to see Itamen comfortable and happy!! And Nasadi, as well. That was relieving and very heartwarming.

Vanasha and Uthid, oh boy. I love them, and I’m happy they are finding success and happiness after the war. :’)

I wasn’t as invested in Petra in HZD, but I still love her character and I’m SO glad that she’s getting recognition.

Before I started HFW, I read the Talanah comic… and when she showed up and mentioned finding her friend in the forbidden west… *wipes sweat from brow* Talanah is fucking amazing and deserves nothing but the best, as every other strong woman in this game does. So, that quest… dear lord I was UPSET. Not only because of the obvious, but just Amadis. I… I just can’t.

Sylens… as much as I hate his actions, I really like his character. The only thing I don’t understand is his reasoning and motives for not telling Aloy anything. Like, I hear them, I do understand them as motives, but I just fail to be convinced, if that makes sense. (Although his not so subtle warning to Aloy about Tilda was lovely). But, all in all, the thing I’m most excited for in a potential next game is actually them maybe working together??

HOO BOY let me talk about Nil for a second. It took me fucking forever to find this man in the forbidden west, and admittedly most of it is my fault for not wanting to do any racing side quests in games in general. They aren’t my thing and are very frustrating to me… and dear god playing the gauntlet runs??? Horrible. Even my PS5 was lagging terribly, which didn’t make it any better. Anyway, the second he walked on screen during the first gauntlet race introduction, I knew it was him. I could never mistake those steel gray eyes for anyone else. Skip to me finally winning that goddamn last race: omgomgomg dear lord omg. I don’t know what I was expecting, but goddamnit Nil stop being so attractive!!! And cute!!!! Like, was it only me thinking he looked so fucking cute?!?! Ahem… The whole interaction with him was amazing. I loved how he found something to sate his bloodlust and murder to something that wasn’t, ya know, outright murder lmao. (I was thinking the whole time that he would fit in really well with the Tenakth.) Maybe I care too much about Nil, but his hair! HAIR REVEAL!! I just…. Hwooo. Nil the loml.

Lastly, that amazing little hint of Gildun!!! I almost cried.

New main supporting characters!!!

Okay, so I watched the introductory cast video on youtube before playing HFW, and Noshir Dalal talked about his character, Kotallo, and how he really enjoyed him and thought that we would like him. Maybe it’s because I was expecting a likable character because of that video, but NAH. Kotallo is such a breath of fresh air?? Sure he didn’t fully understand or trust Aloy in the beginning, which is understandable, but the progression we see of him is just *chefs kiss*. 10/10 would sacrifice myself for Kotallo. I love his continuing drive and motivation to fight despite being shunned by the Tenakth for losing an arm. And his openness to learn of the old world tech? AMAZING. He is such a sweetheart, I love him SO SO MUCH.

I don’t know where to start with Zo. Her character is so beautiful in many ways. Her strength, stubbornness, perseverance, kindness, compassion; this list could go on and on. She cares so much for her people and the world, it’s honestly inspiring. Her excitement to learn more about the land-gods and of the old world in general makes me smile. Zo’s love is so strong; just as she is. In the end… her being able to get revenge on Erik was such a great parallel to Varl’s death, as heartbreaking as it was. She and Varl deserved so much better, and I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. I really hope she gets to settle down with her child and live a loving and happy life at the end.

Alva, already coming from a place where the old world is revered, it was interesting to see her interacting with Aloy and GAIA’s existence. Her drive to learn more valuable information to save her people showed her cunningness and persistence. Not to mention, she’s fucking adorable and loveable. Alva’s character is so different from the rest that it’s almost overwhelming at times, but it’s a great dynamic.

Tilda is…. Interesting. I don’t really have much to say about her because she felt cold, despite her attempts at warmth. If that makes any sense. We find out that she is/was in love with Elisabet, and even with her for a time, which was lovely yet sad, because throughout the story we learn of Elisabet’s unwillingness to let people get close to her. I also really liked her rivalry and banter with Sylens lol. But the rest I’m not really sure what to say. She was helpful in regards to fighting the rest of the Far Zenith, but, as we all know, her motivations and her intentions were kept a secret from Aloy. The last boss fight tho?? I was shouting 'what the fuck' the entire time lmaooo

When Beta first showed up, I almost pissed myself. It was so weird seeing another Aloy/Elisabet clone. At first, it was easy to tell that she was uncomfortable and uneasy, which made me really want to save her from the Zeniths. But the logical part of her, with the intensive knowledge they forced her to learn, made her hard to interact with at first. I mean, who wouldn't be hard to talk to if they were completely isolated and forced to learn everything all their life? That's traumatic af. It was sad and frustrating, but I think that was the point. When Aloy was able to convince her to trust her, it was so heartwarming and relieving. Beta is very sweet, and I hope she also finds a peaceful, love-filled life if they survive Nemesis. (Plus the family/sister dynamic they chose for Aloy and Beta was so sweet.)

Main Story:

I’m not 100% sure what I was expecting when it came to the main storyline and what would happen, but it wasn’t this. I honestly did not consider the world and story to take this direction. Not to say it was bad, but I guess it wasn't in my scope which made me baffled? And those were my thoughts before getting to the end. That??? I– dude, what the fuck.

Like, up until the part of retrieving the GAIA backup, I was chillin’. But then BAM, he’s some creepy-ass alien-esque people who want to kill you :) Oh, and here’s another you.

Sidenote: the boss fights in this game were fun! I genuinely felt scared when we fought Erik the first time, because what the fuck was happening?!

Fetching the subordinate functions was cool, and I had a great time adventuring the world to do so. The Poseidon quest was really cool, especially when everything lit up at the end! Aether (I can’t not think of Genshin anymore, whoops) was also amazing, because we got to meet Hekarro and Kotallo and Dekka :)

Gotta be honest, the Quen tribe intimidate me, even with Ceo out of the mix. But I know it’s mostly because of him and the fact that they tried to kill me on sight. But they are chill afterwards and pretty respectful of Aloy after they see that she's... Sobeck.

The quest to get the Omega clearance fucked me up. I knew Ted Faro was a piece of shit fuck-up, but oh my god. Glad he’s finally dead, though it almost killed Aloy and Alva. A part of me is also glad they chose not to show us what he looked like. I don’t think we needed to see that; the hologram was enough.

So, uh, Gemini. Yeah, no. I’m gonna probably state the popular opinion here that Varl should not have died. I saw it coming when they started the sequence of him trying to fight Erik off, so I was bracing for it, but I was still dumbfounded that it actually happened. Other than to protect Aloy and the rest, his death feels like it served no purpose, narrative wise. (Unless it does have some other narrative significance that I can’t pinpoint at the moment that others can analyze, please enlighten me!) But, as of now, It felt like they killed him just to have someone die. And to have it been Varl??? I was honestly mad and fucking heartbroken. Especially since, here we have an immortal, highly advanced tech person to aid us, but somehow he still ends up dying? I feel like Tilda could've used some sort of tech to save him. But we know she probably wouldn’t have even if she could. And besides the dialogue options for the companions and the very sad scene with Zo, they really didn't give anyone time to grieve. Idk maybe I’m still letting my emotions speak for me, because it’s been hard to process all of this and I’m still upset.

I remember when I thought that potentially fighting a Horus was going to be our biggest problem. Boy, was I wrong. Again, I just didn’t think the scope of this game would be so big. If there’s a third game (probably not a DLC?), which I’m assuming they will make considering how they ended it, I can’t even begin to think how they’ll fight/defeat Nemesis. I have a few little ideas or speculations, but they're small and not very realistic/credible.

A small thing, but the only things I do not like are machine strike and the gauntlet runs, only because I hate strategy board games (because I’m bad at them and don’t want to learn them) and racing. I know others like it, and that’s totally fine and great. But the fact that I need to play machine strike for an achievement makes me see red. If only I wasn’t an achievement seeker, I’d be fine lmao.

Either way, Horizon: Zero Dawn/Forbidden West continues to be one of my favorite games of all time. The world, the characters, the story; everything is beautiful.

Forbidden West itself was a phenomenally made game. Despite the various bugs, it still remains as a great experience filled with improved and new mechanics. The gameplay is familiar enough from the first game, but has just enough new things to make it feel fresh and fun.

[nameless-shrimp]

BREAKING UP WITH THEM.

Characters: Yuji Itadori, Megumi Fushiguro, Nobara Kugisaki & Satoru Gojo

Type: Headcanons/Small one-shot | GN!Reader

Warnings: Heavy angst/slight mention of sexual content.

Shrimp Notes: I was just casually thinking of writing angst, hehe.

Yuji Itadori

He noticed that you were being distant for quite some time. The majority of the time, his classmates would see both of you close together, it was impossible to separate the both of you. Though, there came a time where you didn't bother to stick close to his side; the usual excuses of "I'm busy" would be thrown out there.

Everyone knew that Yuji had a partner, though it became a shock when you didn't come by the school every once in a while. You didn't have any cursed techniques, but that didn't stop Yuji from falling in love with you.

It was hard ignoring his text messages, but it was best that you'd tell him that you were occupied with your own studies and your own part-time job; it was hard for Yuji to not see you as often, but it was for the best.

You didn't want to break up with him. Truly you didn't. Though, the life of dating a jujutsu sorcerer was dangerous. Nonetheless, he was the vessel for a dangerous curse, and you didn't expect your long-term boyfriend to fall into this scary and risky path, and you were also dragged along with it.

The times when Sukuna would pop out during your dates with Yuji became frustrating, you only wanted to spend time with your boyfriend yet the curse that was within him had to keep teasing and messing with you. It was tiring.

"What?"

His words were barely audible as he stared at you, hands clutching onto the bouquet of flowers that he was hoping to give you since he hadn't seen you in a week (which felt like forever to him). You didn't know what else to say, and you only sighed, placing your hands on his cheeks. You loved him tremendously, it was hard to let him go; the life of a sorcerer was not for you, and you couldn't endanger yourself any longer with the life that he was going down in.

"I will always love you," you spoke, and you felt your bottom lip quiver. Three years of dating this boy will now end, and your heartstrings tugged at the thought. Maybe this wasn't the best decision for you, but you knew it was to guarantee your safety, and your unhappiness in the relationship was growing. "I'm sorry, but I can't do this."

"We can work this out," Yuji raised his voice, clearly desperate to hold onto you. "I'm sorry you feel this way but you know I'll protect you, right? I know that I can be too much sometimes but I want to stay!"

"I can't put myself through this, I can't," you explained. "It's too dangerous for me."

"I'll never let anything happen to you, you know that right?"

"I'm aware," you responded. "But it's best that we go our separate ways."

"I don't want this to happen, please."

"I'm sorry."

It was hard for Yuji to move past the breakup. Many times, he skipped his private lessons with Satoru, and he'd lay in his bed, listening to music that reminded him of you. It would end up with him crying or holding back tears while falling asleep for a couple of hours.

Nobara would try to drag him out of his room but it was pointless. She'd joke about how she'd carry her shopping bags this time, but it was no use to get him crawling out of his bed.

Megumi left trays of food near his door. Eventually, Megumi would barge in sometimes, telling Yuji to try to come to training every so often, but Yuji had difficulty getting out of the bed. Even Satoru would knock every so often and try to give some advice that relationships were tough, but losing you was tougher.

The fact that you weren't in Yuji's life anymore; you weren't there to hold him and to help him through his mental struggles, and that he'd do the same for you when you'd freak out over final exams or the moments when you called because your favorite character died; he missed those moments, he missed you, and you weren't planning on coming back.

Megumi Fushiguro

After finding out that he was a jujutsu sorcerer, the thought of it scared you, but you trusted Megumi with your life. You knew he was capable of handling his own, but when he'd come to see you with bruises and bandages all over his face, there'd be moments where you feared that you'd lose him due to the battles he was in.

While you'd be out on dates with him, he'd get stopped by Satoru with endless calls of a curse that he'd have to take care of. You knew Megumi had priorities, especially with the sorcerer he was, but it was frustrating; you wanted some time with your boyfriend, yet he'd have to leave you every so often to take care of some situations.

Megumi would hardly contact you since he was busy, so keeping in touch was fairly difficult. However, the one night when you cuddled with him in his bed, his arm on your shoulder as he pulled you into his chest, you felt empty and that the feelings you'd get when he'd do small affectionate gestures like this were vanishing.

For quite some time, you knew you were slowly losing feelings for him and that the relationship of a regular human and a jujutsu sorcerer was very difficult. It was hard to fall into the life of someone who was consistently endangering himself and now your life was sucked into that kind of path; you didn't want it. You just wanted a normal, happy life, but when there were a lot of injuries, battles, and dangerous fights, you couldn't find yourself being on that worrisome path.

When Megumi would text you, you'd find yourself responding in bland and hollow texts. You'd make up excuses to not attend any of the dates, such as exams coming up or that you needed to attend some club meetings (Megumi knew you though, he knew that you weren't engaging in so much activity since you always made time for him when he could barely try to squeeze in time for you).

He saw it coming, but he didn't expect it to hurt this much.

"I can't be with you anymore," you spoke, tears falling down your cheeks. Maybe this wasn't the right decision, something good can work out, but it had been months. There would be times where Megumi didn't talk to you for a week or more because you knew that his teacher, Satoru Gojo, would be assigning him these missions, and he'd be too tired to talk to you. The consistent neglecting, yet you couldn't blame him, he was busy and he was growing into a stronger sorcerer every day. "I can't do this."

"I don't want to lose you," he responded, not bothering to make eye contact. It seemed as if he was starting to become lost in his thoughts. "I'm sorry I haven't been the best boyfriend, I just... I never stopped thinking about you."

"I know, but..." your voice trailed off, and you fought back a sob. "It seems as if you aren't putting any more effort into us, and it has been so long; I know you're busy, but I can't keep up with this. The life you have is dangerous and—"

"Every time I'm out there, I think about you," Megumi explained, finally making eye contact with you. "I don't want to lose you. I really don't want that to happen. But—it seems like it is happening."

"I'm sorry, 'Gumi, but I don't think we can do this."

You really had to call him by that nickname. Within seconds, Megumi burst into tears and then hugged you tightly, you felt yourself crying as well and he held onto you as if this was the last time you'd ever see each other. He never found himself to be so desperate before, clinging onto you, and he rested his forehead on your shoulders, pleading inside that you'd change your mind. But he knew you; you had your mind set in stone, and although this hurt the both of you, it was for the best that you'd say your goodbyes.

"I'll never stop loving you," Megumi spoke, words barely audible as he let out a saddening sigh.

"I know," you responded.

Megumi didn't come in contact with a lot of his friends, even his older senpais worried for his sake since he didn't actively try during their training sessions. Satoru would take note of this and attempt to play around with the boy's thoughts, hoping Megumi would try to smile, though when did he ever with his sensei?

Satoru would purposefully avoid having Megumi go on missions, though at some point, Megumi should have been able to come out of his little shell at some point. However, Megumi would look at old photos of you two together, and then he struggled to avoid the memories from flooding in.

He didn't want to admit it but he'd try to stop himself from texting you, not to ask for you back, but he still worried about your well-being after you both said your goodbyes to each other.

Once Megumi began trying in his training sessions, it surprised everyone, even Satoru, but he was glad that his closest student was finally coming to an acceptance prior to your breakup with him. It took Megumi some time, but he was able to accept that you were no longer in his life; still, it would've been a lie if he said that he never thought about you.

Nobara Kugisaki

Knowing her, she'd always make time for you. Whenever she was free or even taking a break from training, she'd send you photos and text messages to keep that close connection. Although, you were losing that sense of touch, and you tried your hardest to stay close to her, but when she decided to move to Jujutsu Tech and be away from home where you both met, long-distance became difficult.

Most nights, it would just leave her falling asleep on calls or her talking about her shopping trips. You'd sit and listen, laying in your bed, wishing she was there next to you, but she was far away now, and you were no longer physically close to her.

The consistent responses of your text messages began to die down; your heart felt hollow, you wanted to talk about how you felt, and when you did, Nobara tended to brush it off, saying that it was because you weren't used to a long-distance relationship. Perhaps she was right, but that connection was slowly fading.

She'd talk about visiting you constantly; she said she'd try to be home for the weekend but it never happens. When you tried to talk about how you felt, she could only sigh and apologize, though it became a cycle. You became used to the false hope of her ever visiting you - it hurt you, but it wasn't her fault. Jujutsu sorcerer life wasn't easy.

You'd ignore her messages and only respond dryly, you'd make excuses that you couldn't attend the calls that you had a ton of homework, or that you weren't feeling good. She'd try to encourage the both of you to talk more, but it always led to her falling asleep from exhaustion, and the sight of bandages on her faces always made you feel so empty.

"I think we should break up," you spoke, words barely audible.

She stared at you, hands clutched on her blankets and it was hard for you to look at the webcam of your laptop. You knew that this choice had to be done; you were losing that spark in your relationship, and you tried to reignite it so many times, but it was difficult due to her life as a jujutsu sorcerer. You weren't as unique as she as in that aspect, she had abilities while you were a student and only worked as a part-time associate. You knew both of you had different paths, different desires, different places to go; one life was normal yet one was dangerous and filled with life-threatening risks.

"N-No," Nobara stuttered, quickly grasping onto her phone before it fell down into her sheets. You could hear her fighting back a sob immediately, and your heart broke at the thought of her crying. "I'm sorry, am I not trying hard enough? I promise I will call you more, next weekend, I will actually come home and—"

"No, stop," you interrupted, fighting back a cry. "I have talked about this. About us. But you're too busy with the curse fighting and stuff. You and I both know we are opposite people here."

"It doesn't mean it can't work out!" Nobara cried out loud.

You gritted your teeth, wanting this moment to be over and done with. So badly, you wanted to end the call right away, but you couldn't just leave the conclusion to be empty and lost. "It's hard being away from you," you explained. "Long-distance is hard; you don't try to keep up with me in calls."

"I try to talk to you as much as I can..." she retorted.

"I don't feel the same way as I used to, Nobara," you sighed.

She was crying; of course, she was. You wanted to hug her, but you knew that you couldn't let unhappiness consume you anymore. You wanted to move on from this, and you knew it was best that the both of you moved on, really.

"I'm sorry," you said, breaking the silence.

She didn't say anything in response for a moment, but then she softly spoke, "it's okay... I love you, I always will," and then you sighed, before wishing her goodbye and that you wished that she would always be safe wherever she was.

The phone screen went black after the call ended, and then you were left with an empty heart, though you knew you had made the right choice for yourself.

Nobara found herself snapping at her classmates every now and then when they tried to have her train, even if it was a simple jog around the track or when they asked her what kind of food she wanted to eat, she'd snap at them. Though, they understood why, and even Yuji would offer to pay for her food or take her out shopping (even hold her bags for her) but she'd refuse or avoid the offer.

She'd check her phone, hoping you'd contact her but no messages or any ring of a notification. She knew it was wrong, but she'd change her ringtone to a song that reminded her of you just so she could try to feel a little close to you.

When Nobara would break down crying out of nowhere, Maki could only try to persuade her to block your number so she could move on and Inumaki only provided a bunch of back rubs as a sign of comfort. However, Nobara wished you were the one comforting her.

She still kept photos of you two together; back at her home town and that big smile on your face kept her going. Eventually, she'd realize that you made the choice for the sake of yourself, but she still missed you endlessly. Needless to say, she was still planning to find you if she ever went back to where she grew up in.

Satoru Gojo

You were dating the strongest sorcerer and you knew that would lead to consequences. But when there would be weeks of him not contacting you due to his overseas travels, it became rather difficult to keep that connection with him. Sure, he'd text you that he loved you here and there, but Satoru was quite the busy man and you accepted that, but the connection you both had was fading out.

Satoru loved you unconditionally, always wanting to call you after he completed several missions and went through multiple lessons with his students, but he fell right to sleep once he hit the bed. It left you alone at night, you trusted him, but you were slowly fading out of the feelings you had for him.

There would be a few moments here and there where he'd say he would make it to your important events, but he wouldn't come. Your dinner with your parents, one of your anniversaries, your birthday, your graduation—he was too busy with his job and his lifestyle; you understood it, but you couldn't deny that it hurt you.

Usually, he'd surprise you when he'd come home, but he'd be exhausted to do a lot of other activity unless it was sex or a small bit of cuddling. You wanted a movie night or to go out for dinner, though he didn't have enough strength for that. Sleeping in bed together was most of what you got, and it became tiring and mentally draining to not receive so much of what you had hoped for.

You felt bad; Satoru provided a lot of gifts, affection, and he comforted you even during your darkest days, but there was something missing. You wanted to reignite the feelings you had for him, but it was slowly dying out; you were both different. You couldn't see any curses, yet he was able to, and he was risking his life every second of each day; both of your paths were different, and you couldn't deny that.

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?"

He spoke first, and with that look on your face, he got the answer already. He hoped that you weren't serious but he knew you all too well. Satoru knew that this moment was coming, and he dreaded it; he tried to avoid it, but with who he was and what he does on a daily basis, his personal life got in the way of the relationship. No matter what, he did his best, and he knew that.

"I-I'm sorry," you choked out a cry before he came up to you and then hugged you tightly, and you started to rethink your decisions, but you knew this was for the best.

"I know," Satoru sighed, fighting back his tears. "I don't want you unhappy, it pains me to see you in so much pain."

"I wish you could do more," you cried.

He sighed again, deeply this time. "I'm sorry too. I am trying. I always have."

This was a hard conversation to have and so badly, you wanted it to be over, yet you didn't. You still loved him and he loved you. He held onto you tightly, he knew how your mind worked; once you made a decision, you were going to be sure of it, and Satoru knew that as a grown adult, you were capable of making your own decisions. Still, his heart continued to pain as each second passed by.

"I'll always love you," Satoru whispered.

"I will always love you," you responded.

And this was the last time that he'd ever say these words to you, or at least he would try to keep it that way.

Satoru sat on the bleachers most of the time while his students trained and he was lost in his own thoughts. He'd think about your whereabouts and he'd have an itchy feeling in his thoughts, wondering if you were in any danger since he always came to your rescue when a curse appeared and you weren't aware of it or even when someone made you uncomfortable at a store.

He'd look at his phone, occasionally texting you if you were doing alright and the conversation was either dry or you wouldn't respond. Part of him felt childish for thinking that you'd try talking to him again, but Satoru knew that it was best for him to avoid contact with you.

Some days, Satoru was more cheerful than ever, mostly because he tried to keep up that annoying persona of himself to make his students look at him like they wanted to punch him. At least that cheered him up the slightest. But when he was out and about, either assisting his students or exorcising a curse, he'd be reminded of the little things that you liked. If a car was your favorite color, he'd think of you, or the times that you said you loved a specific pastry, and just by eating it, he'd think of the memories he had with you.

Satoru didn't want to admit it, but he'd find himself crying every so often but he didn't sob too much. He knew that it was for the best to let you go and that you made the decision to leave. Perhaps he wasn't capable of a relationship for the lifestyle he had. Though whatever it may be, his heart still tugged at the thought of you, and he yearned for a hug whenever you came across his mind—a hug from you, of course.

[badwritingbutimisslys]

this is my first ever post on what was going to be my writing blog, mainly for mcl, even though the fandom's dying I wanted to contribute to it, and, you know, since not a lot of people even write for it anymore, I wanted to write what I would've wanted to read in here but alas I am the clown and I just had a fever dream last night and it was just insane and I loved it so much so I decided to try my chances right crazy shit happens every day so

So here's an idea for Beemoov to continue my candy love without possibly saturating the story or disappointing fans. This is my actual official pitch for two new MCL games, even though they'll probably never even see this. Buckle up:

The fans have been complaining and begging for the return of the old love interests since they have been deleted. It was a choice, that's for sure, but the damage can be fixed, I think. My idea is a university life and love life reboot, but with the old crushes. These games would be an alternative storyline, where Candy doesn't move back to the city she went to high school in but instead moves to where Kentin, Armin, and Lysander live. There we can have two new love interests introduced, to complete the amount of five routes in total. The rushed arcs of Kentin and Armin could be brought back and more fully explored, along with Lysander's grief and guilt for the death of his family, his desire to keep the farm and avoid his living relatives and old friends to detach himself from his old life and his pain for not following his dreams and not wanting to let his parents down or kill their legacy by selling the farm.

Kentin could have actual closure and development regarding his childhood traumas, insecurities, and all that he went through during military school. What he had to do to fit in and survive and how he thought that acting that same way was the only way he could make it through adulthood and how he chooses to cope with everything he's been through. Armin could also have some closure regarding his family and the loss of his biological parents. Maybe he moved away from Alexy because he wanted to feel closer to them, and that was the city they lived and died in. maybe his adoptive parents moved there, and he didn't want to be away from them, or he wanted to give his older brother a truer chance and kept in touch with him, and he ended up convincing Armin to move to where he lives, where he could have the opportunity to get the tech job Alexy says he has on university life, and Kentin went along with, since Evan convinced him to go back to the military, and their arcs could still be linked. Kentin would grow as a person and find out what he truly wants outside what he believes to be expected of him from his father and Evan himself, and so could Armin, and Lysander.

All of that outside of the two new love interests, who could be literally anyone. Viktor could be finally introduced into the game, and even his story in the mangas could be kept as canon but slightly adapted, and maybe Evan himself could be a love interest, as many players theorized them to be before the announcement of Nathaniel in uni life. To keep the LGBTQIA+ route would also be possible, introducing a female love interest again, that could also be an old high school friend that happened to move there as well, or not, the possibilities are literally endless.

I, like many other fans of the game, don't want it to die but have also been losing interest in the story as it progresses. To me, it started with the death of these three crushes. I was a Lysander girl myself, and the ending he got just killed me every single time Rosa or Leigh or Castiel showed up, and I was reminded that they just kept living their lives, and Lysander didn't. Same for Armin, every time Alexy showed up. Kentin was tragically forgotten, and he as well deserved so much more than that, and, maybe, this could be an opportunity to do that, to give these wildly loved characters the development and ending they deserve, to regain the love and the interest of so many fans and players who were unhappy with the choices made by the company and simply lost the desire to play my candy love, despite loving it and having grown up playing it.

In the events of someone of Beemoov's team seeing this and taking it seriously, which I sincerely hope does happen, and this gets somehow approved and does actually happen, I don't even want any sort of credit or even acknowledgment, pretend this post never existed, and you came up with the idea yourself, and I'll be happy to just be able to play the game.

Either way, this is just some feedback and a hopeful dream of getting my loved character back and done right by, even though it might be completely unreasonable and unreachable. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

[theeasternempress]

A Little Red Handprint

Summary - Echo is still learning how to adapt to having a child on board and struggles with deciding to treat her like a soldier or like a child. With a simple question from Omega, Echo finally makes his decision. 

Word count - 2.7k

AO3

Echo had spent his entire life being trained to become the perfect soldier for the Republic. He could use every weapon imaginable, formulate a battle plan on the spot, follow orders to a T, and take down a droid with a single perfectly-aimed shot. He was proud to say that with time, he had learned to be exactly the type of soldier that the Republic wanted. 

But if there was one thing he was never taught, it was how to handle a child. 

Echo was completely clueless with how to care for Omega. Despite constantly watching Hunter, Wrecker, and Tech from the sidelines as they interacted with Omega, he was unsure of how to interact with her even after a few days.  

At most, he’d dealt with a couple of cadets as an ARC trooper, but he treated them as soldiers instead of the children they truly were. He regretted his past actions the moment he saw Omega’s eyes flood with awe the first time she went into hyperspace as he learned how children appreciate the little things. There was a time and place for being a soldier but for now, Omega deserved to have the childhood no other clone could have.

Echo was fighting a constant but silent battle in his head over this matter. He wanted her to learn how to protect herself as a soldier could, especially after the events of Pantora, but he also didn’t want her to be in constant fear for her life. Echo was sure that their team would do everything in their power to keep her safe, but a thousand “what ifs?” still circled around in his mind. 

He was so lost in thought that he didn’t hear Omega’s soft footsteps approaching. She could tell he was deep in thought and almost hesitated to interrupt him, but she eventually spoke, “Echo, can you help me with something?”

It was only thanks to years of training that Echo didn’t jump out of his skin at Omega’s sudden presence. He’d always had a bad habit of getting lost in his thoughts, something Fives loved to relentlessly tease him for. 

Burying his surprise, Echo turned to meet Omega’s soft brown eyes and replied, “Sure kiddo, what do you need help with?” 

“My trooper’s head is loose, and I don’t know how to fix it,” Omega said, revealing her trooper doll from behind her back and holding it up to Echo. 

It still made Echo’s heart skip a beat to see that Omega had painted her doll to match the Bad Batch’s armor. Even though it was clearly the work of a child, he could tell that she put her entire heart into her work. 

Taking the doll from Omega’s outstretched hand, Echo set the doll in his palm to get a good look at it. It was clear to him that the head had just been unscrewed from the neck a few times so with a couple twists, the head was back on as normal. 

It was an easy fix, so easy that he was sure Omega would have known how to do it herself. Tech had been teaching her how to make all different kinds of repairs and she clearly had background knowledge as well. There had to be some other reason why she asked for his help. 

Just as Echo was about to question Omega, she hesitantly spoke, “Echo, I’ve been meaning to ask, why do you wear leather armor on your belt when no one else does?” 

Echo smiled softly as he realized that Omega just wanted an excuse to talk to him for a bit. The thought warmed his heart as he replied, “It’s called a kama, it’s a piece of armor I got after I became an ARC trooper. My captain used to say that it acted as extra protection, but my brother Fives always said it was just to make us look cool.” 

Ever-curious, Omega propped herself up to mimic his position and asked, “So the reason you’re the only one who wears a kama is because you’re the only ARC trooper?”

“Yes, but the Mandalorians wore them before ARC troopers did. Once Jango Fett introduced kamas to the clones, ARC troopers began wearing them too,” he answered, preparing himself for more questions from the small girl. 

Echo continued to answer her never-ending questions with a never-ending amount of patience. He told her countless stories about Fives and Domino Squad, a fond yet nostalgic smile on his lips the entire time. 

Even without being told, Omega seemed to understand that the members of his previous squad were all dead and didn’t ask a single question about how they died. Instead, she asked questions about things like their favorite colors and Echo’s favorite memories with them. 

Just when Echo thought Omega was running out of steam, she asked, “Can I try on your kama, please?”

Her question surprised both Echo and Omega, the shocked look on Omega’s face showing that the question had just slipped from her mouth.

Without hesitation, Echo reached behind him to unclip the kama and let it slip into his hands. Omega, seeming to understand what he was doing, broke out into one of her bright smiles and stepped forward to allow Echo to tie the kama around her waist. Even on the tightest setting it was too big on Omega, but she didn’t seem to care as she ran her fingertips over the rough leather. 

Echo contently watched as Omega jumped around, giggling when the kama whacked against her legs. Even though she had to hold the kama in place with one hand, she seemed to be enjoying herself. 

Seeing Omega so happy to be wearing a piece of his armor, Echo decided he would let her try on all of his gear. Echo was never more grateful for the prosthetic hand Tech had built him than when he was removing his armor. He was able to remove his armor and leave himself in his blacks in record time, Omega too distracted with Echo’s kama to notice what he was doing. 

Echo called Omega over to him with a quick call of her name. She strolled to his side, still smiling about the way the kama was flapping against her legs. 

Echo held his helmet up with one hand and asked, “Can’t let you just wear the kama, soldier. How about we get you into full gear?”

Omega gasped as her face lit up, nodding furiously. Echo returned the smile and helped her get his helmet over her head. The helmet was so big on her that she could spin it all the way around her head, which led to heavy laughter from them both. 

The rest of his armor was also far too big on the small girl, but he managed to at least fasten it enough so it wouldn’t fall off of her petite frame. 

Echo could hear her giggles echoing in his helmet and couldn’t help but laugh along with her. If his armor was big on her, he could only imagine how easily she would be swallowed up by Wrecker’s gear. 

Omega quickly cleared her throat and stood at attention like she’d seen him do countless times. Even though Omega mimicked Hunter the most, it always brought warmth to Echo’s heart to see the small girl copying his actions. 

Echo stood at attention as well, giving the girl a firm salute and smiling as she returned it with a little more force than needed and whacked her hand against his helmet. 

“Hi soldier, I’m Echo and I’m an ARC trooper,” Omega’s voice rang out, clearly trying to copy the authoritative tone she’d heard from commanding officers. A quick laugh escaped from Echo as Omega dropped her voice several octaves to try to sound more like him.  

Echo heard a quiet snort come from Omega before she said, “What are you laughing at, soldier? Drop and give me twenty!”

Echo replied with a quick, “Sir, yes, sir!” before getting to the ground to begin doing push ups. He felt Omega crawl on his back to sit on him just as she sat on Wrecker when he did his daily push ups. The armor dug uncomfortably into his cybernetics, but he kept his complaint to himself.

Omega jumped off his back after a minute and said, “I’m gonna go show everyone what I look like in your armor!” 

Echo didn’t even have time to respond as she marched to the cockpit to greet Tech, armor clanging together as she moved. Echo slowly followed behind her, walking in just in time to hear Omega say, “Look Tech, I’m Echo!”

Tech looked up from the small project in his hands to see Omega with her arms spread wide and a smile undoubtedly spread across her face under Echo’s helmet. Echo didn’t miss the twitch of Tech’s lips as he fought back a smile at the sight of the young girl swallowed in Echo’s armor. 

Omega put on her Echo-voice again and said, “Tech, did you finish your work on repairing the communications system? Hunter wanted that done by the end of the day.” 

This time Tech allowed himself to smile at the child and responded, “Yes, communications are up and running, though I doubt we’ll need to use them. Everything else is as it should be.”  

Echo quietly stood off to the side, doing his best to give the two of them some space as they no doubt spoke of the projects Tech was currently working on. Tech always enjoyed getting to speak to someone about his various interests, and Echo didn’t miss how Omega was eager to soak up every bit of information he gave. 

A moment later, Omega sped past him and made a beeline for Hunter’s bunk. Before Echo could leave to go after her, Tech spoke, “We’ll be landing in precisely 30 minutes. You might want to get your armor back in that time.”

Echo nodded and ran off to catch up with Omega. Just as she was about to poke Hunter awake, Echo grabbed her wrist and softly said, “Sorry kiddo, but Tech says we’re landing soon and I’ll need my armor back.” 

Echo could sense that she was pouting, but nonetheless let Echo lead her away from a snoring Hunter to a quiet area on the ship. Omega lifted her arms out and let Echo unclasp his armor from around her frame. 

As Echo was helping Omega take off his armor, his thoughts drifted to Rex and Fives. Even though the events on the Rishi moon cost him three of his beloved brothers, it strengthened his bond with Fives and introduced him to Rex. Their armor tied them together and while he wasn’t wearing 501st colors anymore, his armor would always remind him of his brothers. 

An idea popped into Echo’s head as he removed the final piece of armor from Omega and began, “You know Omega, there’s something from my armor that’s been missing for a long time. I used to have a handprint from my Captain on the chest plate of my old armor. Since I’m part of a new team, I’ve been thinking of getting a new handprint too.”

Omega tilted her head in confusion, so Echo continued, “Would you put your handprint on my kama for me?”

Omega beamed from ear to ear and exclaimed, “Of course! I’ll go grab the paint!” 

While Omega ran off to grab the spare paint they kept on board, Echo began putting on his armor, leaving his kama to the side. 

The pitter patter of Omega’s quick footsteps alerted Echo to her presence as she returned with a canister of red paint and a paintbrush in her hand.

“I thought the red paint would look best on it, but I can get black if you want!” Omega said, clearly happy to be doing this with Echo. 

“I think red is perfect. You ready?” Echo asked as he plucked the paintbrush from between Omega’s small fingers. In response, Omega stuck out her left hand and smiled brightly.

Echo kneeled to the ground, bringing Omega down with him, and brought the paint and his kama to his side. Echo plopped a splat of paint against Omega’s hand, which led her into a fit of giggles as she said, “That’s cold!” 

Echo smiled at her laughter and began brushing the paint across her hand, which led to even more giggles as she exclaimed, “Now it’s cold and it tickles!” Echo laughed as she squirmed about, but continued applying an even coat of paint against Omega’s small palm. 

When he was finished, Echo set the paintbrush down and lifted the kama in front of Omega. He didn’t have a preference for where she put the handprint and knew she was smart enough to pick the best place for it. 

“I’ll let you pick a good spot, just make sure to keep your hand steady,” Echo instructed. Omega nodded, her eyes flicking over Echo’s kama. Eventually, she lifted her palm up on the left flap of his kama, just above his knee. It was about an inch or so on either side of the red border, and Echo thought it would look perfect.

As Omega pulled her hand back to reveal the mark she’d made, Echo felt tears flood his eyes. Even if the handprint belonged to someone else, it would always remind him of Rex. Echo was more than happy to be part of this team, but he couldn’t deny that there were some nights when he longed for the company of his brothers in the 501st. His happiest memories were with them and after all he’d been through, he still craved the simple joy that came from something as trivial as a pillow fight or deep conversations over a cup of caf. 

Sensing his sadness, Omega silently laid her unpainted hand over one of Echo’s. Tears began to pour down Echo’s cheeks, but Omega stayed silent and kept her warm hand over Echo’s. He hadn’t cried like this in ages, and he felt years of suppressed moments bubbling up. 

(Rex would love Omega, wouldn’t he? And by the Maker, he just knew Fives would be able to make Omega laugh for hours.)

Echo smiled at the thought, squeezing Omega’s hand before using his sleeve to dry his tears. Echo finished cleaning himself up just as Hunter emerged from his bunk with sleep in his eyes and a fond smile on his face at the sight of Echo and Omega. 

Omega ran over to Hunter with her painted palm held out and exclaimed, “Hunter, look! Echo let me put my handprint on his kama!”

Hunter chuckled, ruffling her hair and replying, “It looks great, kiddo. You’ve got some skills as an artist. Let’s get you cleaned up now, okay?”

She nodded in response, but ran back to Echo to throw her arms around him first. Still kneeling on the ground, Echo was almost knocked over by the force of the small girl’s hug. Echo returned the hug, placing one hand on her back and threading his fingers through her hair with the other. 

She contently sighed against him before mumbling, “Thank you, Echo.”

Echo hugged her tighter and replied, “No Omega, it should be me thanking you. You have no idea how much this means to me.” 

Omega stayed latched onto Echo, only releasing him from her hold when Hunter cleared his throat. She pulled away from him and stepped over to Hunter, but not before giving Echo one of her smiles that could rival the brightness of the sun. He smiled in return, watching as Hunter guided her to the refresher. 

Staring fondly at the little red handprint adorning his kama, Echo knew that Omega may not be a soldier like them, but she was definitely a member of their team and he’d protect her just as he’d protect any of his brothers. The hole in his heart left by the parting of Rex and death of Fives may never be filled, but he had a feeling that their newest member would be bringing a new kind of joy to his heart.

-- Dedicated to my wonderful friend @eternalqueenofthemyscira --

[vergess]

@autismserenity​ said: Your tags are the most American thing I’ve ever read, we are truly so screwed here   

May I interest you in a more complete, and more excruciating, explanation of what I spent the last 18 months doing?

It is, I need to emphasize, fucking nasty. Don’t feel obligated, especiallly if you’ve already had A Day(tm).

There’s a lot of disease, a lot of worker abuse including sexual and racial abuse, a fine portion of letting people die for not being white enough for real medical care, all leading to homelessness.

For NDA reasons, because my former employer was just as vile as any tech company has ever been, I cannot be super specific about who I worked for. However, I can say that we handled the records and patient contact for all COVID testing for several states, as well as 2 of the 5 largest metros in the US, and several dozen smaller ones ranging from the approximate population of San Francisco, down to little towns, as well as the testing for several public school systems and at least two government agencies that I am not at liberty to disclose.

I tell you this for a sense of scale. When I say shit like, “my boss was more than happy to let thousands or hundreds of thousands die” I am not exagerrating for effect. We handled hundreds of thousands of tests a week.

Again, I need to emphasize, government agencies. Ones you would know if I named them. Ones everyone in the country knows.

And we were in charge of getting their test results from the already over swamped labs back to the patients, who often were not allowed to quarantine while awaiting results.

The fastest we got our turnaround time to on any consistent basis was about 30 hours. Often it ballooned well into weeks.

There were a number of factors for this, but the big one was always understaffing.

The staff we did have were treated like trash. One of the big selling points of this company is how “trans friendly” it is to work there. That is a lie. Every trans employee on payroll had their dead name displayed to all other staff, and until I personally changed the system setup on my arrival, patient facing trans people’s dead names were displayed to patients.

Remember that thing about “hundreds of thousands of tests a week”?

I was able to change the way patient-facing names were displayed. I was not allowed or able to alter the way internal systems displayed trans people’s names. But I was assured that it’s fine, because once you get a legal name change, you’ll be given new system accounts with your new name!

Your old accounts with your dead name would still be displayed and associated with the new ones though.

This is the “trans friendly” working environment. We were allowed to be out of the closet, as long as we were willing to put up with that. And any attempts to get it altered were the result of those nasty little transgender ingrates not being thankful enough.

Meaning that by asking to use our own fucking names we were already in the disciplinary shitter.

Another big selling point is the ~racial diversity~. The CEO was a man of colour, and so were like four other people on staff!! Wow!!!!!!!

This, too, was laughable.

Once numbers started coming in about the care gap for COVID between English and Spanish speakers, and our Southwestern US service area began to have a separate and brutal backlog just of Spanish speaking patients, my employer encouraged me to interview potential hires who speak spanish.

Fair enough! We all wanted to do our part to help close the already massive mortality gap.

So, I found candidates, did interviews, hired them, trained them, etc. But I don’t speak Spanish. As a result, I appointed 2 assistant managers who do speak Spanish to assist me in managing, you know, like the job name.

So when my super contacted them directly, completely skipping me on the chain of command, and told them to stop all of our Spanish speakers from translating helpful simple messages to send to patients, and instead start translating medical and legal documents, they very reasonably assumed I was in the know and went ahead with it.

TO BE CLEAR, that could have ended my life, theirs, basically everyone involved. Everyone in the company would have been completely fucked. At that point, my subordinates, the people for whom I am wholly responsible, were doing everything from practicing medicine without licenses, to encouraging spanish speaking patients to enter contracts that no one on the fucking executive tier could even read.

The moment I found that out, I and the A.M.s immediately started trying to get actual medical translation services to do our documents. We collected them in a neat folder. We queried translation services. We got quotes. We contacted my super and the CEO, about this over and over again for months. In the late autumn, we received approval for one of the translation services.

The CEO decided at the last minute that having people with no medical or legal training draft medical and legal forms was fine and good actually, and refused to sign the contract or send the documents for translation.

The excuse I received was that the COVID emergency HIPAA relaxations would protect us.

That’s not how that works.

Throughout all of this, Spanish speaking employees were told to either keep doing medical and legal translation work, or lose their jobs.

Oh, did I mention everyone was working between 30 and 80 hours a week, and all of us were marked as “contractors” so the employer could tax evade? Don’t worry, we filed complaints with the labour bureau.

So the entire department was let go, and “rehired” as temps through a temp agency, which because it was a temp agency could keep them marked as contractors regardless of the facts.

This change was presented to all of us, myself included, as the company getting a new accountant to handle payroll.

So if you’re keeping score, we’ve covered racism, queerphobia, medical negligence, fraud, and a frankly uncountable number of deaths.

Let’s talk about the sheer negligence towards employees ourselves. If you’ve worked in near-death medical care before, or any number of emergency services really, you know that the standard benefit suite includes either a dedicated therapist for your staff, or access to peer support groups with other emergency and medical servants through your employer’s benefits program.

Do you know what our mental health benefits were for this company?

The CEO got on a fucking zoom call with us all one (1) time, and said that if we were feeling suicidal or traumatized by the work, to talk to him about it, and he would be our therapist.

Do you know how many people per fucking day we had to contact only to be told they had already died because our understaffing delays killed them? He doesn’t. He never listened when we told him.

But let me put the cherry on the “Oh baby, you can talk to me, oooh” sundae.

Anyone who “looked” or “sounded” female, regardless of actual or assigned gender, was subject to constant flirtations and slimy, overly personal compliments about our appearances. Fortunately, at 3 levels removed from the CEO (Executives > Department heads > Managers > Employees), most of the people under my management had relatively little contact with him.

I was not nearly so lucky.

The CEO of this company has a watersports (urination) fetish. I know this, because he told me so and attempted to get me to join him in it. I have no idea how many other people in the company he did this to. I mean, what the fuck was I supposed to do, risk losing my job to find out? I have a fucking family to support, people.

Not that it mattered.

Eventually, all of these abuses became too much for my subordinates. Productivity fell off a cliff. Delays were getting worse and worse. In a medical emergency like this, delays=deaths.

So, like a fucking idiot, when the department heads reached out to me to ask what they could do to improve productivity, I shot down their frankly insulting suggestion of raffling a $20 amazon gift card to patient facing employees, and instead suggested a very simple, “enroll us with a peer support group, every single person in this department has PTSD from working in this pandemic.”

They were confused by my assertion of PTSD. I was asked to compile a document of complaints, concerns, and weaknesses in our patient facing services.

I and the A.M.s did so. It was roughly 40 pages long, with each page given a known problem, the reasons why it was a problem, and some potential solutions that might inspire further solutions or be able to be implemented. We submitted it. There was no response.

A week passed.

I had been working 80 hour weeks for most of a year. I hadn’t even been able to take weekends. I took my first sick day, in a company with “unlimited vacation days.”

I received a call at 3PM.

I had been fired for “differences in communitcation.” If you’ve ever seen that “Problem Women of Color in the workplace” chart? Yeah.

So had most of my department, including every transgender member of the department, and several of our extremely limited in supply Spanish speakers, who were presumed to be “on my side.”

Some of them, I barely even knew beyond the formalities of the job, and they were punished anyway.

I lost my insurance, and as a result I lost access to my medications.

But the real problem? I lost my house. And not due to lack of payment.

I lost my house, because when I got the job we waited 6 months for stability’s sake, and then readied to move out of the area. I got a mortgage on the basis of my employer’s written guarantee to the bank that I would continue to be employed for the next year at a minimum.

With the mortgage approval in hand, we entered a sales contract on our existing home.

We got and accepted an offer just days before I was fired. To keep our house meant paying a 25,000 dollar broken contract fine. We didn’t have that. We had a 10% down payment for a modest fucking place in a cheaper area, which is less than half that.

But without a job, my mortgage approval was also voided, meaning we couldn’t buy a house either.

All of a sudden, we were homeless during the plague, because my employer wrote and signed a letter to a bank guaranteeing my future employ, and then changed his mind when too many people died due to his own negligence.

Oh yeah, one last thing: the job paid less than Pandemic unemployment Assistance.

...After that, well, it’s homelessness until just last month. I... if you’ve never been homeless it’s.

It blurs. Everything is happening constantly, except for all the ways in which you are endlessly, mind breakingly bored. Bored, overloaded, and always uncomfortable.

Obviously my health would have declined regardless. Malnutrition, stress, everything.

But I was also unmedicated.

It was hell. I was in hell. I don’t know if I can recover from it, to be honest.

I bounced back from being homeless as a child. Children are as resilient as they are stupid, and the monstrosity of homelessness was little more than a vaguely remembered loathing and a panicky fear that it would ever happen again.

A child who is dying is worthy of sympathy, even if it is meaningless coos from passers by. If they have family, they may be able to rely on them too.

An adult with the indignity to die homeless and crippled, according to the average passer by, is worthy only of disgust and perhaps even punishment for being such a worthless waste.

My reward for nearly killing myself in a desperate bid to help stem the tide of COVID was the destruction of not only my life, not only my entire family’s lives, but the lives of every single family of every single employee who worked with me.

And you know what’s worse?

Each one of us still did more to limit the lethal impact of COVID than the entire united states government.

It breaks something in you, going through that.

It makes you realize that hope is a fool’s game.

But, I have ever been a fool, and so, I continue to play.

[ladykatakuri]

She is his treasure, part 1

Crosshair ( The Bad Batch ) x F Reader

Rating: General

Warnings: Not really, it is mostly self indulgent fluff, especially since E8. 

Summary: When Omega told him that, his head seemed to split open and the biggest of headaches ran him over like a speederbike. For the first time since he was ordered to tie up all loose ends, he was in serious doubt and he doubted the order given to him. It was as if some switch in his mind was pulled and the duplicity of all that happened came rushing into his mind, all at once.

https://ladykatakuri.tumblr.com/post/655438717332455424/she-is-his-treasure-part-2

https://ladykatakuri.tumblr.com/post/656332331678892032/she-is-his-treasure-part-3

Crosshair never was much of the emotions. He was a soldier and a good soldier follows orders. After his inhibitor chip was enhanced, he did exactly that, following orders, to a tee. He even turned against his brothers from Clone Force 99, better known as the Bad Batch. Clones with a defect, or more humane clones as his brothers might have considered themselves. Now, Crosshair was once more just a soldier for the Empire. But the last message he received had him torn to his core.

It was three days ago he received that coded transmission and it was a good thing he took it in private. Omega had contacted him which was already surprising to him, after all he had expected it to be one of his brothers to contact him in a gamble to reach the old him. But what Omega had to tell him….. Well, this was completely unexpected.

When he was ordered to hunt  the rest of CF99, he had no doubts and used all of their old contacts to track them down. Though the Empire was only interested in his brethren and Omega, he had an extra incentive to find them fast now. She was with them when they deserted and she was his reason now to find them all even faster.

“I think you should know, she is pregnant.” When Omega told him that, his head seemed to split open and the biggest of headaches ran him over like a speederbike. For the first time since he was ordered to tie up all loose ends, he was in serious doubt and he doubted the order given to him. It was as if some switch in his mind was pulled and the duplicity of all that happened came rushing into his mind, all at once.

All he could think of now was to find her. Her and their unborn child.  “Our child….. “ Something seemed to tug at his heart and he had no idea what to do with it. The headache was still there in the background, but to him it was just an inconvenience. Fully geared up he was about to depart from the freighter when one of the troopers approached him. “Are you sure you should go at this alone sir? If they are here, you might need backup.” Cocking an eyebrow he growled at the audacity of the trooper to question his orders. “ You have your orders, follow them.” Putting on his helmet he flicked his toothpick in a bin, departed and let the rest of the troopers take off to look for his brothers on the other side of the planet. There was no way he would lead them straight to her, ‘them’, if he could avoid it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was a shock to everyone there when they saw the shuttle crash down, and even more so when they realised it`s occupants had somehow survived the crash. To think that the empire would try and take down a shuttle with innocent people in it was one thing, but a medical shuttle? People were outraged and they made sure to be vocal about it, until the troops came pouring in and made their way to the crash site. That was also the moment Hunter quickly decided to take his brothers and Omega away from the place. You would be safe, since nobody would expect a civilian to be tied to them, especially a pregnant one. That did not mean he would lose track of you though, and when Omega pulled him aside to talk, he realised once more how smart this young girl truly was and how much promise her idea had. But first things first, time to make sure that you were treated well and that you would recover soon. Safety above all, he instructed his brothers on how to move ahead.

“You all know that Y/N is best off without being directly tied to us. The only one who knows her as well as we do is Crosshair, and I doubt he will have informed the Imps on her. At Least not fully.” Hunter paused for a moment before continuing what he had to tell them and to give them their instructions. “Her chaincode has been forged and she also covered up her scars and tattoos. The only way the Imps will know who she is would be when Crosshair recognises her while he is with them.” Tech, Echo, Wrecker and Omega all nod at this simple statement.

“Right now the safest place for Y/N to be at is in the medical ward here in the city. We took a big risk moving her from one side of the planet to the other, but she made it and is treated now. Omega has a plan for us to get our lost brother back and also help Y/N.” 

For a moment all of them seemed to be lost in thought. The idea that you were injured already shook them, the idea that it might be used to reunite with their lost brother? Well, it gave them a double feeling. On one hand they felt as if they would use your condition and might endanger you if their brother was beyond saving. On the other hand it would give them that one good chance to either saving their brother and reunite, or give him the ultimate freedom if they failed. Either way, this was, as Hunter said, their one good chance and they would grasp it with both hands. Thankfully, they did have some help on the planet, especially since they helped out some of the inhabitants with an imperial problem. Corrupt officials were pretty normal, wherever you would go, you could find one or more of them. This one was no challenge and they made quick work of getting rid of him. Now they could rely on the help of one of the doctors in the med bays and that was a key part of Hunter's plan. 

Omega was restless as she was sitting at the side of your bed. Looking at you, deep asleep and not knowing what was happening around you, she could not help but smile. “I don`t know if you can hear me Y/N, but I really hope my plan will work. Especially for you.” Grabbing your hand, she squeezes it slightly and sighs. “You are always so kind to me and you help me understand things the men can`t. I want you to be happy.” Tapping her foot on the floor, Omega looked around the room they had you moved to. Far away from the other patient rooms and private enough to make sure that they would be able to confront Crosshair without causing too much of a ruckus in the ward. Everything was now in place and all they could do was wait for their  missing brother to turn up. He already landed on the planet, now it was just a matter of how many would come and how well prepared he was for this confrontation, he surely knew would come.

Notes: This is my first TBB story and it is a 2 parter, i am currently working on part 2. I hope you all like it. English is not my native language so if there are any mistakes please do let me know :D And as always i demand Crosshair to be set free and reunited truly with his Vod !  @loth-wolffe  I am redoing all the tags. somehow they never showed up right lol

So i edited this post because, it became a 3 parter >.< I blame the guys for not letting me do what i intended to do and Crosshair for being so kriffing awesome and loveable <3 

@nahoney22 Boo i hope you also like this story or maybe have some tips for me. @reluctant-mandalore I wanted to tag you as well because as a fan of your work i would highly appreciate any tips you could also give.  If i did not tag you, it really does not mean i do not want your words of comment or advice etc. I highly appreciate advice or when i did something wrong. I just am a lazy tagger most times and am not the most secure in tagging when it is about my works :D

@catbustours​ Thought you might like it even if it is not as awesome as Coriolis ;)

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with MustangSally

MustangSally has 33 stories at Gossamer. Even if you haven’t read it, you’ve probably heard of at least one of them, Iolokus, since it’s an X-Files fanfic classic. All her fics hit big and are well worth your time. I’ve recced some of my favorites here before, including And Dance by the Light of the Moon, All the Children are Insane, and Iolokus. Big thanks to MustangSally for doing this interview.

What's the story behind your pen name?

I could tell you but then I would have to kill you.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Yes and no. Yes, because life has moved on since the early nineties and the characters and the fans are in vastly different places now. Our current tech would make the premise of the X-Files impossible. No, because of the longevity of some of the Star Trek TOS work (there’s an archive of hard copy fanzines at the University of Iowa). Top-drawer authors started out in TOS fandom.

I’m just greatly saddened that my physical body is showing wear and tear while the fic doesn’t. Fic gets to stay smooth-skinned and muscular, captured at the peak of perfection.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

At the risk of sounding atrociously trite, I think of the friends I made.  I met some very remarkable women that I’ve been able to stay friends with online for over twenty-five years.  We may have moved to Facebook and post entirely too much about our pets and which of our body parts has sagged this week, but we’re friends.  It’s a furiously funny, feminist, and well-educated group of women with jobs in the highest levels of academia, finance, communications, and media.  I’m amused by the fact that if I have a question about how a virus replicates, I can ask a PhD I’ve been drunk with in Las Vegas.

Back in the day, I had a job that sent me traveling around major cities in the US and UK. I could post on a message board and within ten minutes there were people I could go out for dinner and drinks with. We already knew we had something we could talk about for at least a couple of hours. Additionally, most of these people were women so there was an added level of security. Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Well, it was mostly atxc and the Yahoo! groups mailing lists that spiraled out into Geocities sites and, eventually, LiveJournal. The amusing thing is that getting in on the ground floor of social media and the Internet has helped me get jobs!  When I look at a new piece of software, I think, ‘this is hella easier than uploading to Geocities.’  We had to walk uphill both ways, in the snow, on dial-up, fighting off dinosaurs with our AOL CDs while writing HTML code. What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS.

The past four years in politics have basically been the ugliest online kerfuffle the world has ever seen. I survived the Shipper Wars of ’96 and I thought those were brutal, but that was NOTHING. The only way to win an argument online is to not have the argument at all. Arguing with a troll is like mudwrestling a pig: You both get filthy and only the pig is happy.

Also, READ THE FUCKING TERMS OF SERVICE.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I had the most terrible straight-girl crush on Scully. I wanted to be her best friend, I wanted to BE her.  I wanted to order Chinese food and paint each other’s nails and talk about bones.  Scully and Princess Leia and I could all just hang out poolside with hot and cold running waiters and poolboys, drink margaritas, and bitch about how unfair it all was – if the stupid men would just get OUT OF THE WAY AND LET US DO OUR JOBS, the world would be so much better. What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

This question is really about Iolokus, isn’t it?  You can’t fool me. [Lilydale note: I can neither confirm nor deny the motivation for this question, but I cannot complain about the answer.]

Simply put, I was enraged. The moment it was revealed that Scully’s ova had been used in experimentation, I lost my feminist mind. It was the most obscene defilement imaginable.  Scully wasn’t nearly as angry as I was.  What I thought needed to happen was for Scully to become a fiery force of vengeance against the MEN who had done this to her.  Clearly, I was not going to get that level of satisfaction from the show, as I was imagining Kali-like carnage on a global scale. I emailed RivkaT (whom I did not know well at that point) with a proposition that we work together. Strangely enough, we didn’t meet face to face until we were well into the project, but we did talk on the phone quite a bit. The rules were simple – everyone had to be punished in truly horrific ways, and at some point, we had to see if we could write a car chase (only because that seemed impossible).  Then it basically turned into a very twisted game of chicken to see who could be the most outrageous in terms of killing people off or writing really horrific things that fit within the structure of the narrative.  I did, in the end, write the car chase, but RivkaT one-upped me by throwing in a helicopter (a FOX News helicopter, at that).  

Really, RivkaT?  A helicopter? What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? I am terribly proud of what I wrote, pleased that it brought pain and pleasure in equal amount to people, and, again, thrilled by the people I became friends with. I admit that I stopped watching the show when Scully announced her pregnancy.  I could only see a long jump over a shark tank for the rest of the series. I haven’t watched the new episodes, either.  It is complete in my mind and doesn’t need to be continued.  I wouldn’t say no to having a reunion with some of my fic friends, although we’re still chatting online like everyone does.   Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Rivka and I wrote in the Buffy fandom for a few years, but then we moved on to real adult jobs that left absolutely no time for me to write. I’m in education, and I regularly sweat blood for fear that someone is going to find my old fic. The Buffy people were fun; there was a certain *shininess* to them that I really enjoyed. The X-men authors were just batshit and delightful, and some amazing stuff came out of Marvel fandom, particularly in the Thor/Loki and Steve/Bucky subgenres. I’ve learned to appreciate a good coffee shop AU and one famous Erik/Charles fic where all the main characters are crabs. Seriously, crabs—it’s hysterical. [Lilydale note: Other Crabs Cannot Be Trusted by groovyphilia currently has almost 2,500 kudos at AO3.]

Every few years, I’ll have a student try to explain to me what fandom is and I just smirk. Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? No. Not really. Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom? I fell into an X-Men hole a few years back and had a great old time wallowing in the Cherik muck, and there was a flirtation with BBC Sherlock as well. Strangely enough, I became interested in A/B/O fics only because of what they were saying about the role of women in our society. The limitations on the male omegas seem absurd and then you realize those are the same limitations put on women all. the. time.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

RivkaT very nicely formatted everything and put it up on AO3. What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I will always be stupidly proud of how shocked and horrified people were by Iolokus. The truth of the matter is that Iolokus has Greek drama at its core. Scully is Medea, and the entire story is lousy with “blood on the threshing floor” and Dionysian rites. The everyday is subverted into horror, and wives and daughters will tear men limb from limb like the Maenads. Since I was ultimately disappointed with what Chris Carter did with the entire show, that approach seemed appropriate.

At a certain level, all fic is corrective fic.  Like critic Anne Jamison said, “Irritated fans produce fanfic like irritated oysters produce pearls.”  And because fic has fallen so much into women’s sphere, a pure form of correction is not just the death of the author but the MURDER, a new creation springing up from the spilled blood like Cadmus sowing dragon’s teeth.

Okay, that’s a bit much. Maybe I should just take myself back to the isle of Goth Amazons or something. Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I had to write a self-evaluation and a reflection on pedagogy today. If that’s not fiction, I don’t know what the fuck is.

All my creativity is caught up in trying to pretend to be a normal middle-aged white woman so no one knows I am really a lizard.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Keep writing, keep reading, keep fighting the commercialization of narratives. As things grow more and more commodified, all our dreams and desires reduced to tchotchkes made in China, it’s a revolutionary act to separate your work from the marketplace. Be bold, take chances, turn the trope on its ear and kick it in the ass. Take everything the creators have done to make a work palatable to the unwashed masses and set it on fire.

Be subversive.

Be mean.

Have a great fucking time.

(Posted by Lilydale on March 2, 2021)

[aspacepiratesprincess]

To Be One With The AllSpark

Gazing out of the large bay window, Bumblebee beheld Cybertron. It was positively radiant. After a milennia, it glittered once again. Iacon, the place Optimus Prime's upbringing itself glimmered around them as they had begun their rebuilding. War had been all the bots knew for so long; on both sides. Autobot versus Decepticon; at each other's throats for thousands upon thousands of years, and finally, the curtain came to a close. Bumblebee had survived the conflict. With little to spare but the metal on his frame, they began the long journey of repairing what once was.

Bee's time on Earth had been only a blip in the timeline, for him. It was so short, yet so palpable that every time he thought back on them, the memories felt fresh. He'd come and gone. His genesis there had been rocky.

He'd lost his memories, he'd lost his voice, was assaulted by the Decepticon known as Blitzwing, proceeding the human military...and weary from battle, he somehow found himself hiding in the garage of a human girl's some time later, surrounded by primitive technology. He was endeared by her; they became the best of friends in what felt like the short moment he was there. He'd protected her, mused with her, they'd had a new kind of fun together. Alien to him yet right. His cherished human friend. And at the end of it all, when the Decepticon signal tower had been deactivated and Optimus himself came rolling up that big red bridge, he was gone.

Yes, his time there was fleeting. He never saw Charlie again, after what transpired. His duties were elsewhere. He had responsibilities to his cause, prior engagement to his Autobot brethren. But he'd never forget her.

"Here, try this one," said Charlie, hopping onto the step-stool to pop a tape into the slot she'd improvised to him. She closed it, and suddenly, sound was playing, which Bee couldn't help but move to. He bobbed around and took in the alien noise, until she smiled and put another tape in. The Smiths, as she'd called it. Her favorite. Not his, though. He promptly ejected it and almost hit her in the face with the thing. His bad.

The footage was from his perspective, being replayed from his memory cells from over two hundred years ago. Would he still think about her at three hundred?

Charlie was with no doubt dead. She'd certainly passed away in his time after their war on Earth, but he could only hope that she didn't die in their crossfire. The door-wings on his back drooped at the thought, as did the receptors on his head as he observed his memories. While they were ending a war and working to rebuild their home, she had been quietly living out the rest of her mundane life. Human lives were so short. Bumblebee would always lament that.

His thoughts circled back to the brave Sam Witwicky, who had taken Charlie's place in Bumblebee's life twenty years later. Who was regarded highly among the Autobots for his help, and regarded highly by Bee for his character. Frends were to be made in the humans. Even if Earth had spawned their own fleshly Decepticons.

He was engrossed rewatching these sweet memories, the outliers being the ones in which Charlie was almost killed because of him, but he focused on the ones that made him happy. Giving the slip on an officer in a high-speed chase, demolishing the car of the person who'd disrespected her. Fun times. There wouldn't be anything like it again.

Behind him, Optimus entered the room, and the old bot stopped for a second, watching Bee as he bittersweetly reminisced.

Charlie, tiny compared to Bee, hugged him for the last time. She rested her chin on his shoulder. His spark fell as he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her, careful to not squeeze.

Naturally, Bee had thought that their journey would continue together, because that was how it should have been, right? They were partners, now. They'd been through a lot in their short time together. What role she would come to play in their quest for the AllSpark if she had gone with him, he didn't even know. But parting from her there was akin to when he watched his homeworld become but a speck in the galaxy from his escape pod on his lonely mission. He would miss her.

"Thank you—for—giving me—my voice," chattered his radio, stitching together whatever he could scan. She shed a tear, and knowing that it was time to go, he transformed. Into a handsome yellow Camaro, which Charlie was shocked to find out. He laughed to himself when she asked in disbelief if he could have been a Camaro that whole time. Down on the bridge, he saw Optimus come into view, the bulky red and blue semi truck. That was his signal that it was farewell. His mirrors shifted to put Charlie in sight, and he pulled out over the hill, leaving her in his rearview.

Bee didn't even have the tech she had retrofitted to him then. A lot of his parts had been damaged and replaced, though his voice module not yet repaired...he didn't have anything of their friendship left but these recordings. Shaking his head, Bee shut off the footage and turned to the bot in the doorway, who he'd known had been there. Charlie was definitely gone, Bee thought. That prompted a question he hadn't yet thought of. Standing before him was none other than their leader, presumably having come to check one of the many monitors and terminals.

"Optimus," Bee started, looking up to his leader. His optics shifted to meet Optimus' who waited for him to continue. His next question took Optimus by surprise: "Do you know what happens to human beings when they die?"

Optimus stared down at his scout, unsure as to how to answer such a question. He did not know. Did humankind have sparks like they did? Was their "soul" the true equivalent to their spark? Optimus knew the fate of Cybertronians. When their life was extinguished, they would become one with the AllSpark. Perhaps even Primus was somewhere along that way. But he couldn't say with any certainty just what happened to humans when they passed. They had their version of God. Was it all the same being, wrapped in different cloaks? Or were Humans and Cybertronians fundamentally different down to the core?

Optimus stood tall as ever, yet mellowly admitted: "I do not know, Bumblebee."

There was a pause in which Bee thought. The words eventually came to him. "Does that mean there's a chance?" he asked, dubious with a glimmer of hope in his bright optics.

Though stoic, Optimus's expression indicated a questioning of what Bee was saying. "A chance she has joined the AllSpark?" he finished for him. It was almost absurd. But Optimus truly did not know. "Only Primus and The Cube know such things, I'm afraid," he said. Bee visibly deflated, drawing away slightly from him. Optimus had heard his tales of this "Charlie", who had woken Bee from stasis and inadvertently brought their plans back on course. Who knew how long he would have remained powered down in that junkyard if she hadn't? Optimus wasn't sure of the extent to which Bee had gotten attached to her, but now that the fighting was over and Bee had the time to feel sorry over things of the past, it seemed to have come back to bother him.

After all, nobody liked a question gone unanswered.

Optimus put a gentle hand on the scout's shoulder, a gesture that he'd adopted over the years. "But, it is of my personal belief that we Cybertronians and humans are not so unlike. Though we may have different vessels, on the inside, we may the same. I think her...spark has been reintegrated, as we will all be, one day."

The unknown wasn't all appealing to Bee, but Optimus's wisdom went undisputed for the humble scout. Bee could be content with that answer. If they would all end up at the same place in the end, he didn't need to worry. Death was just a part of life, and it was coming for him some day, too. Thousands, maybe millions of years...but his spark would indeed be reabsorbed, in due time.

_________________________________________

I know the Autobots didn't return to Cybertron at the end of Bayformers, but what if we mashed that and Transformers: Prime's story together a bit? Idk I just like the scene of Bee looking out at Cybertron lol. The setting doesn't matter to this blurb, anyway.

The original version of this is still on my page here but I added some stuff and reposted because I felt like it :)

[wannabe-fic-writer]

All Over Again - Chapter 5

Summary: What was lost can be found. 

Warning: 18+ Smut, Language, Violence. 

Ch. 4

* * * * * *

Your foot taps repeatedly on the linoleum. Eyes surveying the crowd of people moving through the airport. 

That is until you hear your name. Pushing yourself up, you look towards the gate, an instant smile on your face at the young woman running towards you.

“Y/N!” Wanda flings herself into your arms and you catch her, the force causing you to turn a little.“ I missed you.” Her breath fans your neck.

“I missed you too Wan.”

Being in NC for a month has been amazing but your time without Wanda sucked. 

So the second her mission schedule cleared she flew out here to you. 

“I don’t know about much around here but there are some awesome places I want to show you and incredible people to introduce you to.” You tell her, arm around her shoulders.

As you two make your way out of NC Airport you’re constantly dodging people. With it being December there’s an even larger crowd of people about, most of them pouring from the airport. 

“The city is a lot like New York but you’ll find a few things that are different.” You tell her, sliding into the driver’s seat of the car. 

When you told Lena that Wanda was coming in, the woman insisted you use her car to go pick your best friend up, and it didn’t take much persuasion for you to agree to it. 

Just like you had, Wanda admires the interior, while replying to your words,“ I can tell.”

It’s incredible how just being in her presence makes you feel better. While you’ve just been feeling awesome in general(it’s because of Lena) nothing really compares to having your best friend around.

Said younger woman glancing over at you as you pull up to Luthor Corp,“ awe, introducing me to your girlfriend.”

Que instant blush. You don’t reply until you’re opening the door for her,“ she isn’t my girlfriend.”

“Cause you haven’t told her how you feel.” 

“I-” you stop to receive a guest pass from the receptionist, Wanda sticking it to her shirt, and continue to the elevators,“ I told you that I’m not in the place to be with someone.”

She sighs,“ you’re stopping your own happiness. I know that you and Natasha talked, she told me. There’s nothing holding you back from exploring things with Lena.” The doors slide open and she steps out,“ except you of course.”

You could totally blame this on her powers. But once again, it’s just Wanda knowing you. 

Internally, you could admit that you’re scared. Scared to be hurt again. Scared of being happy and having something step on that. 

Knocking on the CEO’s door, you wait for the all clear before stepping inside.

Lena’s face lights up with a smile and your heart flutters. 

She stands at the sight of the young woman behind you and rounds the desk to you. 

“Lena this is Wanda. Wanda this is Lena.”

They both smile at each other and shake hands. 

Wanda tells her,“ Y/n has told me so much about you.” 

“All good things I hope.” Lena sends a look to you and you smile brightly, the CEO blushing off that alone. 

Your best friend nods,“ good is an understatement. Y/n’s practically in-”

Hand quickly covering Wanda’s mouth, your smile turns nervous,“ it’s lunch time. You two hang out/work and get to know each other, without embarrassing me,” you poke Wanda’s side and she giggles,“ while I go grab some burgers and shakes from Noonan’s.”

With a glance at each other, they both smile and nod.

As you leave out Wanda watches the way Lena watches you and the younger woman can’t help but chuckle. There you are convinced you and Lena are just friends when the CEO is very clearly smitten.

“So, you like Y/n.”

“Wh-” Lena stops, jaw slack and eyes wide.“ How did you know?”

A squeal leaves Wanda’s lips and Lena’s eyes widen,“ you looked at her like she held your whole world and I bet it’s not the first time.”

Obviously the CEO needs to start controlling her expressions better. If Kara and your best friend can tell she likes you off one single look you had to know already right? Right?

“Don’t worry, Y/n’s oblivious.” Wanda gives Lena a gentle smile at the woman’s clear panic, then moving to sit on the couch.“ which is why you should tell her. She’ll never figure it out on her own and I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t want to be with the person they like.”

Lena sighs and sits next to Wanda.“ But if she doesn’t like me then I’ll just end up hurt and I can’t handle that again.”

“You’re more alike than I could’ve imagined.” Wanda murmurs, Lena missing bits of it. Speaking louder she says,“ you won’t know unless you try. Fear can be a protection but also a hindrance.”

A chuckle falls from Lena’s lips,“ are the wise comments an Avengers thing?”

“Nope, it’s a Y/n thing. Hang around long enough you’ll pick up on it too.”

Lena’s fingers wring together,“ if she’ll let me.”

Wanda can’t help but sigh at it. Part of her is happy to be a third party to this budding romance as she is privy to how you both feel. However another part of her just wishes it was you hearing this. 

She can’t think of anyone who deserves happiness more than you. Not just after what happened with Natasha but in general, you’ve saved so many people, done so many good things, for her and others. You’ve been giving more than you’ve received for a long time and Wanda can’t help but want better for you.

It’s been a mere number of minutes with Lena but something tells her the CEO could very well be the one to finally give you everything you deserve.

Reaching over, Wanda’s soft hand rests over Lena’s, and green meets green,“ I- just promise me that whatever happens, friends or more, you won’t hurt her.”

Suddenly Lena is incredibly curious. Who had hurt you before? To the point where your best friend holds such intensity over it. 

“Well I can't promise it won’t ever happen, but I promise I won’t intentionally hurt her.” And Wanda supposes that’s the best she can get, though she’ll be sure to keep her eyes open. 

Suddenly you're sliding into the office, carryout bags in one hand and drink carrier in the other.“ I got one flavor of each and I call dibs on strawberry so, fight to the deaths for the other two.” Both women look at you with amused smiles and you chuckle and shrug,“ fine fine, not fighting I got it.” 

They laugh as you hand out a meal and shake to them, you then sitting in the spot they make between themselves. 

As you eat you talk, Lena getting to know more about your best friend and the both of you telling Wanda about the core, that you eventually take her to.

Her eyes roam around the alien tech and she raises an eyebrow at you,“ this isn’t another Ultron situation is it?”

Before you can answer, Lena asks,“ Ultron? What’s an Ultron?”

“It- he?” You shake your head,“ Ultron was an AI in a robot body that wanted to cleanse earth of its impurities i.e. the Avengers. It ended alright but was definitely a horrible situation. That will not happen again by the way.” You look pointedly at Wanda.

She shrugs in an ‘I’m just saying’ kind of way, before continuing to look at the core.

Even though you explain the core to Wanda, she doesn’t really understand it. She does get that you plan to use it as a clean and limitless power source. 

“Wan, the tests we’ve run have been incredible. So far we know that this could power a small village, maybe some place even bigger. Obviously we’d have to find-”

As you ramble, both Lena and Wanda look on. They can’t get over the happiness in your eyes as you speak, Wanda noting that this particular spark seems different to the one you get as Artemis. 

It takes a few explanations before Wanda truly gets it. Which seems to make her interest in it go up. The woman asks you hundreds of questions about it and you answer with excitement. 

“Uh, Y/n,” Lena grabs your attention with a gentle hand on your arm,“ I have a meeting I have to get to and I’m not sure how long it’ll take.”

You nod,“ yeah okay. We’ll leave out with you, I have a couple things I want to do with Wan, just um, let me know when everyone is meeting up tonight kay?”

Green eyes crinkle in the corners as she smiles and nods,“ I’ll call you.” 

With a smile of your own, she squeezes your arm, and all of you leave out. Lena gives you a soft ‘see you later’ and watches after you as you leave with Wanda. 

Outside Wanda playfully nudges your arm with hers. Which makes you look at her with raised eyebrows,“ what?” 

“Nothing. Just, you and Lena are super cute.” You groan and roll your eyes but she continues.“ Finishing each other's sentences and nerding out together. I’ve seen you and Tony make suits together and you weren’t half as happy. Further confirming my ‘you like her’ theory.”

You choose not to reply. Instead shoving your hands in your pockets and focusing on the sidewalk ahead of you. 

Denying it has no point because it’s true. You like Lena. There’s no reason not to, the woman is truly incredible.

Wanda hooks her arm through yours,“ are you going to do anything about it?” 

“I don’t know. You know-”

“There’s a lot going on, you told me. But,” Wanda moves to stand in front of you, her hands now on your shoulders,“ it’s time you let your hurt go. I’m not saying to forget what happened with Natasha because it’s never that easy. You just have to forgive her and move past it. Happiness, true real happiness, could be right there in that building and you’d miss out on it.”

E/c eyes narrow at Wanda. When had she gotten so wise.

As if having just read your thoughts, she resumes her spot at your side,“ you’ve always told me not to hold myself back from happiness, I’m just recycling advice here.”  

While showing Wanda around, you can’t help but think about her words. 

She has just about every point there is to have. You are holding yourself back. There isn't any reason for you to not pursue Lena. The worst that happens is rejection, though it seems as if Lena likes you, how you aren’t sure but it could be romantic.

Wanda can tell her words are sitting with you and she’s hoping you listen. She can’t even begin to count the number of times your words had saved her, made her feel better, or encouraged her to want better for herself. This, hopefully, is her one chance to repay you for that.

The ringing of your phone sounds and you smile softly at Wanda before answering. She knows it’s Lena from the smile on your lips. It’s small but it reaches your eyes in a way she hadn’t seen in years. With a quick, ‘see you soon’, you hang up and stand.

“Ready to meet some of the most amazing people ever.” 

Wanda nods, standing after you and snatching up another nacho before following. 

It doesn’t take long to get a car and head to Al’s. Your best friend eyes the bar in the same way you had your first time here. 

“Best drinks ever, though some are incredibly strong, and,” you stop at the usual table,“ the best people in town.” Your eyes circle the table, landing on green. 

“Aww Y/n.” Kara smiles and hugs you quickly.

You return it before wrapping your arm around Wanda and bringing her closer,“ I want to introduce you guys to Wanda, my best friend and teammate.” 

As expected, Winn recognizes her. Had you not spent so much time with him over the last month or so you’d wonder why he follows the Avengers so closely but he’d told you how awesome he thinks your team is and that it’s just interesting. 

Subconsciously, you find a spot beside Lena. Your sides bumping with the proximity. With her sitting, you have to glance down at her. The way she looks up at you through long black lashes makes little goosebumps rise on your arms.“ Hi.” You breathe.

“Hi.” She replies. 

It’s the smallest step you could take but you find yourself wanting to, Wanda’s admonition in mind, so you open your arms to her. Sort of surprisingly, she accepts it, leaning into your side and wrapping her arms around your waist while yours circle her shoulders. 

You pray to god she can’t hear your heart pounding but you know she can, her ear is literally pressed to your chest.

When the hug breaks you catch the faintest of pink dusting Lena’s cheeks and mentally you’re pushed a little closer to believing she likes you. 

“So,” your hands smack together quietly,“ first rounds on me, what’re we drinking?”

Everyone gives you their drink orders(you and Mon-El teasing each other about his choice of two drinks) and you nod, heading to the bar with a wide smile to order it. 

Looking back at the table as you wait, you see Wanda getting along with everyone. Despite her usually reserved attitude, the group seems to be pulling her from her shell at least a little. Every so often she speaks and they all laugh or smile. 

A frown replacing the smile when you notice the lack of two people. Eyes scanning the bar until you spot James and Lena. The muscled man placing his hand on Lena’s arm gently, brown eyes softening. You feel your shoulders drop at the interaction. 

What’re they talking about?

Is it you?

Is it them?

Is there a them?

Why are you suddenly over thinking this?

With a sigh you rub your eyebrows and turn back to the bar. 

Not even a second later a hand is placed on your shoulder and you follow the appendage to find Alex. She raises an eyebrow at you,“ everything alright?” 

“Um-” You contemplate whether to ask her or not. She’s given you no reason not to trust her.“ I- is there something going on with them?”

Alex follows your nod to Lena and James.“ Use to be.”

Figures. 

It’s like you can feel yourself completely writing away your feelings. Storing them away. And you can’t stop it. Not that you should right? Your s/o being around their ex definitely fucked you over before. If you continue down the path of falling for Lena it’s practically a set up. 

Would you really be able to handle another heartbreak like that? No.

Is Lena worth risking it? You aren’t sure.

* * * * * *

Taglist: @username23345 @depressed-bi-bitch @fayhar @trikruismybitch @marvel-wlw @aznblossom​ @chicken-wang09​ @bitchtits15 @coxmicbabygirl​ @blackluthxr​