#is it shitty of me to say i sort of wish he would just die

[niningtori]

make you cry | part three: hyuka's ending

part one | part two: beomgyu's ending

pairing: hueningkai x you, past beomgyu x you

summary: after your falling out with beomgyu, kai becomes your new best friend as you spiral out of control. his actions may not be completely platonic, though.

genre: angst, romance, smut (mdni), best friends to lovers

warnings: smut (mdni), unprotected sex, creampie, dom!hyuka, oral (f. rec), dirty talk, praise, choking (sorry), possessive!kai, just some really sweet sex if u ask me, pregnancy kink

word count: 3.9k

notes: y'all... ik i said this would come out on my bday (which is exactly 2 weeks from now hehe) but i couldn't help but post it as soon as i finished it... lord knows i'm impatient. anyway, i said this would probably never exist but since ppl were asking for it, as the biggest pushover in the world, i couldn't say no ;_; i hope you enjoy it!

"you're not gonna die," kai says softly. "it's a shitty circumstance, but you're just making it harder on yourself."

you hum noncommittally while downing another searing shot of vodka. kai watches in horror as you don't even think to chase it, too much of a hassle, you said.

"look, i know how you're feeling, trust me. i just think that torturing yourself is the worst thing you can do right now. whatever happened to self care in the face of heartbreak?" he pleads, and it's like he's talking to a wall. you had been staring listlessly at the same spot for what had to have been at least an hour — no tears, no nothing. just a blank stare and an insatiable need for the next sip.

"yeah, i know. i just wish things were different." you were miserable being just friends with beomgyu before, but that pales in comparison to how used you feel now that you’ve slept with him. 

"i know, baby. i know." at this point, he kind of just wishes you would cry. the awful look on your face seems significantly worse than if you'd just burst into tears.

beomgyu is your best friend, sure, but as you slowly descended into a pit of unrequited love for him, kai had understood like no one else after a particularly nasty breakup with his serial cheating ex. you two found some sort of secret camaraderie in the feeling of loneliness, something beomgyu would never understand, given how easily everything tended to work out for him. except for right now, you guess.

"alright, i think i'm done here," you slur and shakily stand as the vodka seems to be doing its job. kai scowls in frustration, wishing he could do more for you, but knowing he can't.

-

kai refuses to let you go home alone, so he hitches a taxi for you two. in the backseat of the car, you lean your head on the window and close your eyes, but all you see is the repeating image of beomgyu with a self-satisfied smirk on his face as he shows you the girl who he will probably end up fucking. you feel mentally sick knowing those eyes will never light up that way for you. you feel physically sick knowing that you gave him everything now and it still wasn’t enough. 

then, as if hearing your thoughts, kai carefully slides his hand around your cheek, which is currently somewhat numb from the coldness of the window and bumpiness of the ride, and softly places your head on his shoulder.

when you finally get to your apartment, you invite him in. he can tell you just don't want to be alone, but he doesn't say anything, just wraps an arm around you as you lead him into your bedroom. after plopping down in your bed, he turns to leave before you grab the end of his shirt.

"can you stay with me?" you plead. and he nods without a word. lying down next to you before pulling you in his warm embrace.

"you know, i think you're gonna be just fine," he whispers into the top of your head. and just like that, the dam breaks, and you finally, finally burst into tears. wail, really. 

you kick your legs like a child, chanting "no, no, no," and lamenting on and on about how things are wrong, wrong, wrong. this isn't how things were supposed to go. he was supposed to fall in love with you and open his eyes and see who’s been with him all along. he’d apologize and kiss you gently to make up for lost time. you hate how you hoped against hope that he would return your feelings and finally, finally start respecting you. but none of that happened the way it should. the way you so fervently hoped it would.

kai just pats your head and rubs your hair, all while cooing "shhh, i know. i know.”

you lay there with him, legs all tangled together and heart aching until you fall into a fitful sleep. 

-

you miss beomgyu, that goes without saying, but it's getting easier these days. this is due in no small part to kai’s persistence. he comes to see you nearly every day and calls you when he can’t. you spend countless nights with him on speakerphone. most nights, he talks about his day, where he went, the people he saw. on the really, really bad nights, he’s just trying to console you. like right now. 

“shh, it’s okay. i know,” he whispers into the phone.

“i-i’m sorry, hyuka. i’m just so sad,” you sob.

“no, don’t be sorry. why are you sorry?” he coos.

“because i’m dumping this all over you. it’s not your job to baby me,” you cry, feeling guilty beyond words, which only makes you cry harder.

“you’ve done the same for me. you know that. i couldn’t have gotten through my breakup if it weren’t for you, so you don’t need to be sorry. i’m here. i’ll always be here.” if you were less confused and hurt, you’d hear the extent of his tenderness. you might even realize how he’s bending over backwards in a way that’s reminiscent of the way you did for beomgyu. the way somebody who really loves you only ever does. but as it is, you don’t register any of it.

-

beomgyu shows up at your doorstep, sometimes. he doesn’t ever really say anything other than your name in a desperate voice between pleas to let him in, but you never do. you have no idea how strong your resolve will or won’t be if you see his face again, so you do your best to avoid him altogether. on a particularly bad night, though, you feel your self control waning. listening to what he has to say just once couldn’t hurt, right? you can’t stand the uncertainty and this seemingly endless purgatory you find yourself in now. you decide, no matter what the outcome is, you’ll put a stop to it tonight.

with newfound courage, you lightly crack your front door to come face to face with the boy who's been haunting you for months now. his red-rimmed eyes widen in shock as he finally sees you in person instead of from his friend’s instagram account. 

“what do you want?” you attempt to ask coolly, but you sound unsteady even to your own ears. beomgyu doesn’t seem to notice, though, and if does, he doesn’t say anything about it. 

“i just wanna talk to you,” he pleads, and you nod before widening the door and letting him in. you gesture for him to take a seat next to you on your couch and he cautiously sits while never breaking eye contact with you, as if he’s afraid that you’ll disappear if he takes his eyes off of you.

“so?” you ask plainly. he clears his throat as if he's been in a daze until now and nervously begins.

“i-i’m sorry for what i did to you. so, so sorry,” beomgyu says weakly. “and i miss you so much i can’t stand it.”

“then why did you do it?” you ask, not without a hint of malice.

“i.. i don’t know. i think i was just so scared to be hurt that i hurt you instead. but being away from you has shown me just how much i need you.” need. what a strange word coming from beomgyu’s mouth. as for needing you in particular? even stranger. 

“you know, i really didn’t mean to hurt you,” he continues, but even he knows how flimsy his words seem right now.

“i know,” you reply quietly.

“i ruined everything,” he says with a sense of finality, no room for argument. “i know i did. but i-is it always going to be like this? i don’t think i can live without you in my life, one way or another.”

“i don’t know, beomgyu.” he flinches at the use of his full name. “it’s going to take some time before we can be friends again.” if ever. you don’t say those last words, but he can swear he hears them.

“that’s okay,” he says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “as long as you know that i’m sorry, and that you didn’t and don’t deserve how i treated you.”

“i know,”  you repeat. you can’t believe you’re not bawling and pulling him into your arms right now, for better or for worse, but surprisingly, you don’t feel any of the emotions you could’ve bet your life you would feel. you pity him more than anything, and your heart does ache, but more so for the friendship you lost instead of the love that never was. beomgyu wasn’t your best friend for nothing, so as if he can sense how detached you are from him, he says his next words.

“are you seeing him?” he asks with a tinge of melancholy.

“who?” you ask, taken aback at his sudden question.

“c’mon, be serious. kai.”

“k-kai? what do you mean?” he smiles bitterly at your words. 

“i’ve seen the way he looks at you. if you don’t see it yourself, you’re either delusional or blind. after i last saw you, he really told me all about myself.”

“he talked to you after that?” you ask in shock.

“oh yeah. he said he’d beat the brakes off of me if i ever tried to hurt you again, and the only reason why he hadn’t done it already was because you would be sad.” you pause at his earth-shattering words. your sweet hyuka really said that? you can’t imagine someone as soft and caring as him uttering such unforgiving words, but when you think about how much pain he knew you were in, it makes sense. kai had seen the worst parts of you after beomgyu had broken your heart. only he knew just how much you were hurting, and only he would care as much as he did. you don’t know why, but you can’t help but smile softly at the thought of him being so riled up that he acted completely out of character for you. just for you.

“and if i know you, and i do, i’d say that you probably feel the same way he does.” you gasp at his observation. how could he possibly think that?

“y-you’re wrong! we’re just good friends.” best friends, even. you haven’t really thought about kai in that context. everything you’ve ever done seemed purely platonic on your end. but now that you’re really thinking about it, is it actually? the late night phone calls, spending the night in his arms, waking up to kisses on your forehead and promises to see you later. that’s not what “just friends” do, is it? 

“really? then you’d be okay with him acting the same way he does with you with literally anyone else?” you’re at a loss for words at this. what would you do if kai showed his gentleness to anyone else the same way he does for you? how would you react to him staying up all night on the phone with another girl? to him dropping everything just to make sure she’s eaten? to looking at someone else with infinite warmth and care? you wouldn’t like it at all. 

beomgyu smiles sadly at your reaction. he knows now that you’ll never love him again. not in the way he’s realized he loves you. but that’s okay. love is supposed to be selfless. he realizes that now as he watches you stutter and vehemently deny the love you have so obviously begun to have for another man.

on your end, all you can think is: oh god, how long have you been stringing kai along? since your fallout with beomgyu? or even before that? sure, you could hide under the pretense of being each other’s primary support system in heartbreak, but you can’t do that forever. especially not now. in the middle of your reverie, the sound of your front door opening snaps you back to reality. who else would it be besides the boy in question?

“what the fuck are you doing here?” kai growls when he catches sight of beomgyu. he had just stopped by to see if you’re okay since you hadn’t texted him back in awhile. he figured he’d walk in to you sleeping soundly, not to the sight of you and beomgyu getting cozy on your couch. you, of course, were decidedly not getting cozy with beomgyu in the slightest, but kai couldn’t see that in the midst of his rage. 

“me? i’m leaving now,” beomgyu says, sensing danger and cleverly wanting to escape it.

“yeah, you’d better,” kai spits. 

when beomgyu shuts the door behind him, kai immediately turns to you.

“did he hurt you?” you shake your head no. 

“are you okay?” he asks and all you can do is nod. actually, you haven’t felt this okay in a long, long time. things that didn’t previously make sense to you are incredibly clear now. you love kai, you really do. you loved beomgyu, obviously, but those feelings of pain are gone now that you feel the tenderness that is actual, reciprocated love. 

“kai?” you ask in the middle of his barrage of questions about what happened.

“yes?” he asks, completely dropping his interrogation as soon as you say his name. 

“do you love me?” his face crumbles at this question.

“don’t be stupid, of course i love you. you’re my best friend.” 

“not like that. i mean, do you love, love me?” you search his eyes for an answer. his mouth widens and he sputters for a moment before realizing there’s no way out.

“...yes.”

“since when?” you can’t help but ask.

“since always,” he says with a smile, reminiscent of the words you had spoken to beomgyu all that time ago. you can’t even imagine how kai must have felt when he saw you pining after beomgyu, and for so long. actually, you can. that’s how you felt about beomgyu. your heart aches when you think that you’ve unintentionally inflicted the same pain on the sweetest boy you’ve ever known.

“what about your ex?” 

“she’s not you. and i think… i think she knew my heart was never really in it. not like it is with you. i think that’s why she cheated.” it still hurt to be cheated on by her, to be clear, but not more than it did to see your eyes following beomgyu every second of every day. when he cried to you about her, he was really just crying over you.

“i’m… i know you’re not into me like that, and that's okay, it really is. i just don’t want to lose you.” your heart flutters at his words. kai’s selflessness, his care, his indulgence. his love. you try to imagine a world where kai shows the sides he shows to you to someone else. you’d feel absolutely gutted, now that you think about it. unconsciously, you’ve grown to want to monopolize everything about him. you can’t imagine giving him up, not for anyone. not even for beomgyu.

without another word, you gently place your hands on his cheeks and pull his face towards yours. you kiss him softly, tenderly, and he can’t help but gasp before melting into the kiss. there’s so much care behind it along with love, appreciation, and the sense of making up for lost time.

his eyes redden when you insert your tongue into his pliant mouth. 

“s-stop. any more, and i won’t be able to hold back.” “so don’t hold back,” you say as you grab his hand and lead him to your bedroom.

“a-are you sure?” he asks nervously.

“i’m sure,” you say breathily. “i love you, too. so please, just take care of me, okay?” he can’t hold himself back now. the girl he loves is practically begging him to take her, what kind of person would he be if he said no? so he doesn’t. with great care, he strips your clothes off of you and watches in awe as he sees your naked body in front of him. slowly, intentionally, he lays you down on your bed and admires you for all that you are. your cheeks heat up as he presses kisses onto every inch of your trembling body, almost like he’s trying to mark you with a seal that makes you his own, completely. almost like he’s removing traces of anyone else, and you love the feeling of practically being worshiped by a man who’s clearly in love with you.

eventually, his kisses become more and more fiery as he inches towards your fluttering pussy. 

with a curse, he grabs a pillow and shoves it underneath your hips, raising your glistening cunt so you can more easily fully take in the sight of him lapping up your sweetness like he’s starving. you’ve felt similar pleasure before, but nothing quite like this. is this how it feels to be with someone you love who truly loves you back? you think so. your legs are shaking and involuntarily caging him in between them, but he doesn’t try to resist you. it’s like he could die happily in between your legs as he moans into your cunt, the vibrations racking through your body deliciously. he chuckles when you gasp at the feeling of one of his long, knobby fingers entering your heat. he curls experimentally, you cry out his name when he finds your sweet spot and taps it mercilessly, sliding another finger in and following suit. the sweet feeling of his mouth sucking on your clit and the cruel curling of his fingers is enough to bring you to your climax. you cry out his name as your toes curl and legs shake, which only spurs him further, slurping up your slick like he can’t stand the thought of losing a single drop.

“did that feel good, baby? you wanted me to take care of you, right? so just sit back and let me do it. i’ll make you feel better than you ever have.”

he rips off his shirt and unceremoniously tosses it behind him. you’re panting now, gasping for air, but he’s not done with you yet. he sits up and unbuckles his pants, sliding them down his creamy thighs and letting his cock stand tall. his whole body is flushed pink with embarrassment when you take him all in, matching his reddened member, which is currently leaking profusely with precum. he’s so needy for you, and you can see it all over his bright pink face. you should be tired from the intense orgasm he just gave to you, but you can’t help but gulp in anticipation as he lines himself up with your entrance. slowly, he pushes his wide tip in your spasming pussy. 

“o-oh, god,” he says as he splits you open. you can’t even form words because the stretch you feel is absolutely scorching, so you whine instead. tears spring in your eyes as he shakily pulls out then pierces you with one fluid motion, bottoming out completely. 

“y-you’re going to break me,” you cry.

“oh, baby. it’s alright, you can take me,” he says soothingly, but not without a tinge of mischief. that’s all you get before he begins thrusting into you. the harsh curve of his cock dragging along your walls and inadvertently hitting your g spot relentlessly has you opening your mouth, trying not to drool, but failing when he sticks his thumb in your mouth. like a madwoman, you begin to desperately suck on it, which only fuels the fire even more. 

“you look so pretty sucking on me like that,” he coos. “bet you wish it was my dick instead, don’t you?” he snickers as he stuffs his cock into your pussy. “i’ll give it to you every day, okay? you don’t have to beg.” you nod pathetically in agreement. the thought of kai filling you up every day has you needier than before, somehow. you need this feeling, the feeling only he can give you.

his body is scorching hot in your arms. his cock throbbing inside you? even hotter. you watch in awe as he rams himself into you, your whole body shaking with every thrust. 

“t-take it, you can fucking take it. my pretty girl, so fucking perfect for me,” he praises.

this can’t be your sweet, sweet hyuka, right? but as your teary eyes look up at him, you know it has to be. as if he can hear your thoughts, he smirks as he takes one of his hands and lightly grips your throat. it’s not hard enough to hurt you, but enough to have you whimpering. he calls your name lovingly as he drills into your swollen pussy, walls clenching down around him. you whimpering out his name in tandem with the indecent sounds of his balls slapping against you ring inside his head. he feels more and more that he’s losing his grip on reality as he continues to impale you on his cock. a shudder pulsates through you as you feel an orgasm approaching again. you don’t have to say it’s coming, because he can feel it when you clench around him, pussy begging him not to leave as it sucks him in deeper and deeper. 

“fuck, baby, you look so beautiful coming undone around my cock. so gorgeous, this pussy is the best, never wanna leave it.”

neither of you feel particularly sane at the moment, especially not as he clutches your thigh to steady himself as he thoroughly fucks you into your soiled mattress, hand still gripping your throat. 

“gonna come, gonna get you pregnant so everyone knows not to mess with you. do you want that? do you want everyone to know how good i’m fucking you? that you’re all mine?”

“yes, yes, yes! come inside, please!” you manage to choke out. you place your arms around his neck and dig the heels of your feet into his ass as he drills into you. that’s all it takes, really, before his warm seed fills you to the brim. he moans as he releases his grip on your neck and pumps it further and further into you, pushing his load into your cervix as he peppers your face and neck with sweet kisses. 

he collapses, pushing your hair off of your sweaty face so he can get a better look at you. 

“d-did i hurt you?” he asks cautiously, only sobering up now that his release has come.

“it was good, i liked it,” you giggle, admiring his cuteness. he smiles contentedly as he places one hand on your stomach and gently caresses it. 

“you’re so beautiful,” he murmurs. “can’t believe you’re really mine.” mine. what a beautiful word, only made more beautiful by the boy who’s insisting you belong to each other.

“i could say the same thing about you,” you whisper, placing your hand on his blushing cheeks. 

“wanna go again?” he asks, cock already hardening once more.

“w-what?” you ask dumbly as he shifts from beside you.

“i meant it when i said i want everyone to know you’re mine,” he says, positioning himself over you again and sliding his cock up and down your slit. he was right. you’ve never felt this good before in your life, and you wouldn’t want it to be because of anyone else.

taglist: @my313 @superbbananananana @lonelybutterflytae @cherrycolaberry @everythingvirgoes @beomnoullitheorem @sunny4cast @softesyoongi

series taglist*: @gyulinoo @moamidzyism @sooberryworld @dreamxerz @sweetttkissess @gothraccoons @jaxyy219 @idontwantoeatspicy @soobsfairy444 @denleave1088 @notevenheretbh1 @fairfootedflekk @hihello-pinky @ilovesimjaehyun143 @seolis-world @midwinterblizzard @slutty-cherry @run2min

*if you were tagged in part two: beomgyu's ending i assumed u wanted to be tagged in this one too! if i was wrong, i'm sorry n i will delete ur tag jus lmk!!

[neurologicalanguish]

pathetic and sad and depressed leon thoughts cause he’s a dumb fuckin loser who should die (i would do anything he told me) erm… this is also my first post so… bare with me

cw/tw: olderbf!leon(age gap not specified), erectile dysfunction(i know, not my fault he’s a pathetic traumatised mf…), suicidal ideation, nsfw after read more, slight misogyny, porn addiction, choking kink, reader has afab anatomy, nonchalant leon…

would definitely thrash and cry in his sleep sometimes, the amount of horror and gore he’s experienced first hand wouldn’t be taken away just cause he has a pretty thing like you to love.

i feel like he’s always so detached and constantly disassociating that whenever you try to initiate something, anything at all, he just sort of does it out of inertia, just so you can get the relief you want.

he’d be rubbing lazy circles on your clit as you cling and squirm against him, as he has you all nuzzled into his chest with his arm under your head.

but that fucker is probably thinking about something else entirely, he’s just glad you haven’t gotten sick of him yet. how you still so desperately seek his love and validation.

sex doesn’t excite him anymore, sure, he needs to stick his cock in something warm and wet from time to time, but he’s fucked so much in his youth that he doesn’t even see the appeal of it anymore. not to mention the porn addiction he had…

hours on end, just spent in front of magazines, or shitty cassette tapes, that were so old and fucking beat that he’d have to fix them himself in order to not have the whore’s moans sound like they’re from within the depths of hell because the cassette would play in slow motion.

how he’d gotten so desensitised to anything that had to do with sex, that at one point he needed to start reading erotica, just to get his dick hard. he’d just sit on the shitty mattress of the floor of the apartment he was supposed to call “home” , while watching the TV playing porn, like it was some fuckin’ game show.

so it doesn’t come as a surprise, at least to him, that with the years, he doesn’t find pleasure in sex, or anything at all really.

but when he sees such a pretty thing like you, so pathetic and constantly begging him to be pounded, guilt would just wash over him, saying to himself that “it’s the least i could do for the fuckin’ world, right?”

so again, he’d have you under him, peppering wet kisses on your neck, or choking you sometimes. how he’d wish to actually snap your fragile neck at times, it didn’t help when your skin would turn slightly pale, it was almost like it was doing something for him, but he decided to ignore it.

his aging, and the shitty way he had lived up until the time you met him, and even as he’s with you, doesn’t attenuate the fact that his “stupid fuckin’ useless cock” doesn’t even wanna work anymore. he feels so pathetic and helpless. he’d rather jump off a bridge, the sound of his body weight reverberating on cold harsh concrete, as his corpse splays out in a million fuckin’ particles as it hits the ground, leaving behind just a burgundy mess of what was once your “handsome old man” , than have to explain to you that he doesn’t wanna fuck, his dick doesn’t work.

he just tries to be grateful for what he has, at least you cook good food. he’ll keep attending to your needs, eating you out, buying you toys, fiddling with your clit, he’ll keep pretending for his “pretty girl”.

[punkpandapatrixk]

✍🏻Destined Person's Words of Love ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

‘Let’s face it, no pretty girl in her right mind wants me. She wants Gregory Peck.’

‘Is that so?’

‘Well, isn’t it?’

‘How do you know what a pretty girl wants?’

‘Well, I don’t really know, but I imagine—'

‘You and your imagination. You think every girl’s a dope! You think a girl goes to a party and there’s some guy, a great big lunk in a fancy striped vest, strutting around like a tiger, giving you that I’m-so-handsome-you-can’t-resist-me look. And from this she’s supposed to fall flat on her face.

Well, she doesn’t fall on her face. But there’s another guy in the room, way over in the corner. Maybe he’s kinda nervous and shy, perspiring a little. First you look past him but then you sort of sense, he’s gentle and kind and worried. And he’ll be tender with you. Nice and sweet. That’s what’s really exciting.

If I were your wife, I’d be very jealous of you… I’d be very, very jealous.’

— The Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch (1955)

SONG: Baby Baby cover by TAEIL & Unforgettable by Nat King Cole

MOVIE: Only Lovers Left Alive (2013) & Whisper of the Heart (1995)

[PAC Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 2]

[Patreon] [Paid Readings]

People often can’t see for themselves just how lovely they are in someone else’s eye. Although it is important we don’t depend our entire sense of worth on another person’s acknowledgement or approval, I still think it’s such a sweet thing to be reminded by a wonderful someone that we are inherently wonderful ourselves.

Maybe because society is such a hurtful place to be… people, have a habit of viewing themselves quite harshly; full of judgements and malignant points of view. But if someone lovely views you so dearly, wouldn’t you be a darling and think lovelier thoughts of yourself, too?🥰

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – I’ve Kept My Love Only for You

VIBE: Alone by Jimin & Kako to Genjitsu (The Past and Reality) by BONNIE PINK

you reflected in my Eye – 7 of Pentacles Rx

My Dearest, do you know how many secrets I hide deep within my heart? Secrets not even my close friends would ever figure. I’ve dealt with a lot in this lifetime. This Life, has not been exactly very kind to me. But I am managing, and I often think to myself, which I know must be true, that I’m still going on only because you have been protecting me from somewhere I can’t see. I can feel you, that’s why.

I don’t know what you look like, but I’ve often felt your embrace when life knocks me down—when shit hit like a storm and tried to kill me; I could feel your hands healing me with magic stardust. I always knew it. But I couldn’t put that into words for surely everybody would think me insane. But My Love, I am crazy. Sometimes I can’t breathe—my yearning for you suffocates me with so much pining.

Where are you? Dammit, I’m in pain. I think about you all the time. You’ve given me something precious to live by. I hope I’ve done the same for you, in any way, any small way, even if just a bit. I want to be of some use to you. I want to embrace and protect you like you’ve done for me. When are you coming? I am so sad but nobody will ever know of it because I’m in love with a Ghost.

manifesting you, my Dear – 5 of Cups Rx

There’s a lot about the past I must let go, heal from, and trust me, I’m doing it! I’m at my best healing my soul, my heart, my mind; all so I can be a good person for you. I don’t want to be a shitty person carrying, well, a lot of shit when we meet. I don’t want my toilet baggage of a past to ruin our connection when the time is right for us to meet! I know it’s a lot to say, but I’m crazy about you.

I think about you all the time, hoping you’d feel me constantly the way I’m feeling you. I wonder, am I feeling you so much because… you’re actually thinking of me, too? Dammit! I wish I could know for sure! Tell me, babe! Argh… I’m so curious I could die! Do you miss me? Do you like me? Do you want… to be with me? Do you… feel me?

I haven’t told anybody about you. I’ve never really spoken of you. I dunno… it just feels so preciously secret I feel I shouldn’t be precarious about it lest someone hurts you in the process. It doesn’t make sense, right? But you’re someone I have to protect in secrecy. It’s hard to put into words but your aenergy is so pure, so precious, only for me; I don’t want to spoil it by sharing my knowledge of you with anybody else. I guess I’m obsessed LMAO I’m possessed by you!

i love You – 3 of Swords

Tell me, has the world been unkind to you as well? Sometimes I see you crying in my dreams. And I worry. For a whole day. A whole week. Sometimes it’s impossible to shake off thoughts of you hurting even though I don’t even know where you are. I miss you. I love you, you know? I promise everything will be alright when you’re with me. Come to me already. I’m ready for you. I’m SO ready for you, babe! Jump into my embrace you cutie pie! I’ll hold you for days.

And I haven’t the slightest doubt you’re the most beautiful being to walk on Earth. Yeah, that’s why you’ve dealt with envious bitches, right? I know that. Dunno how I do, but I know that. Though it may sound stoopid, I’m jealous of those who can even meet you in real life. I’m wondering everyday what kind of a wonderful being you are in person. I know you’re a divine healer. Sweet and kind more than appearances could tell.

It’s only because you exist in this world that I’ve been able to live this long. Otherwise, I would’ve died a long, long, long time ago. I’ve kept on living just for you. I wish you’d know that. I’ve kept my Love only for you and no one else. Never anybody else. I’m so grateful for you but I’m so sad. I miss you so badly sometimes I could go crazy. I’m haunted by dreams of you and I can’t even recognise your face. I want to see you.

MY MUSE🔻💚

how Grateful i am – Green Magus (John Dee)

I will be with you! – Priestess of Fertility

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Loving All of You in This Reality

VIBE: I Like Me Better cover by Jaehyun & Neko to Inu (Cat and Dog) by Sakamoto Maaya

you reflected in my Eye – 7 of Wands Rx

Hey bro, you see, the world is full of distractions and my mind races a million lightyears per hour, but I’ve got things to say. So bear with me. Ahem!

You, are God. And I, am not a simp! Listen, hon. I have so much passion for you. Big, big passion; as wide as the seas and high as the skies, and I hope you can understand how much I feel for you. I’m not a poet; though I try to be, but I’m not a book smart kinda person, unfortunately *sigh*

You see, in the past, or should I say up until just recently, I’ve not been the nicest or greatest person you could possibly meet. I was lazy, I wasn’t responsible or realistic at all. I was simply, lost. In many ways, I admit I’ve been a loser of sort. I’ve hated myself quite a lot, if I cared to admit. But you’re like the complete opposite of me. NO wait…

The truth is, I see that you’re a reflection of myself. You are me. But just the good parts. When I look at you, I’m reminded of my own potentials and I really love how you make me feel when I’m with you. I can see myself in a better light when I see myself reflected in your eyes. The way you see and think of me… God, how can a person be so good and still be attracted to me…

manifesting you, my Dear – King of Wands

Therefore, baby, I want you to know that I’m working on myself. Up until now I’ve always thought of myself as someone who has not much else but passion! But that has made me a rather chaotic clown. The truth is, I didn’t really know what to do with my own passion, my own Life. What kinds of things were possible for me to manifest? What kinds of things would be good to even manifest? I was lost, lost, lost.

But goddamn, you appeared out of nowhere, like godsend, and bam! Wham! I was changed. Now I have bigger, nobler dreams because you’re in the picture! All that I want, I want you to be part of it. I want you. A Life with you. I’ll build a kingdom for the two of us. Nothing in this world would mean something if you’re not with me. Would you marry me? Ah… sorry, that jumped out on its own.

Heheh my mind jumps from one thing to another sometimes I surprise myself. I hope you don’t mind me being this chaotic—I’ve still got room to grow! I’m still growing up and I want to become closer to something as talented as you, sincerely. You are my role model, don’t you know that? You may think it sounds weird but I’m not embarrassed to say that!

i love You – 5 of Wands Rx

I’m afraid of competition. That’s all my Life has been. If I’m honest, I’m torn between my confidence in winning you and my occasional sense of worthlessness. I’m afraid you’re never going to view me as good enough for someone as good as you. I know you’re my Destined Person! So I know I shouldn’t be thinking these thoughts… but I can’t help it somehow.

Maybe the problem is that I want so badly to become like you. To become someone who won’t be embarrassing to you. And that’s a lot of work, okay? Just… seriously, a lot of work on my part. I’m not saying it’s not worth it, I’m just afraid. I’ve been a loser too long. Ah, never mind. I know, I know. I think my mind just needs to grow up a bit more.

The problematic thing is, when I think about you, I go back to my younger self who had more dreams and ambitions and then I become scared again LMAO I’m a mess. I want to create an amazing world for you and me. How can I ever get there? I’m still figuring this out, alright? We’ve got an entire lifetime to see how this goes😊I LOVE YOU!!

MY MUSE🔻❤️

how Grateful i am – Red Historian (John Dee)

I will be with you! – Priestess of Faith

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – All’s Written in the Stars for You and I

VIBE: Serendipity by Jimin & Paris in the Rain by Lauv

you reflected in my Eye – Knight of Cups

Ever since I was only a kid, I’ve always known there was a special someone who was always close by. I’d look up to the heavens to look for you, My Dearest, the brightest of all the Stars. When I look at the Moon, I feel like drowning in your sweet essence. Your soothing voice, your warm embrace—to me, all of that was real. And I knew I was special, because someone special whom I couldn’t see whispered that to me every day.

Because of you, I was able to grow up believing I was meant for something greater in this lifetime. You were always my motivation. I knew that if I became something great, sooner than later I’d meet you; and I’d be proud of the creature I’d made of myself when I present this humble me before your grace. I want you to look at me with stars in your eyes. Because in my mind, with all of my heart I’ve worshipped you.

At least… I’d like to be someone worthy of you. My Queen, I promise you I will become King and bring Heaven on Earth for all that you love. You are surely the loveliest creature I’ll ever know. Sweet and kind, and brave and strong, you are everything all at once. And my heart longs only for you. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I will make you the happiest person in the whole world.

manifesting you, my Dear – VII The Chariot Rx

The fact that we are alive, at the same time, in this world is miraculous as it is. If only you knew just how strongly the dark forces are trying to break us apart, keep us separate, you’d marvel at the wonder that you’re even reading this from me! From the moment the Universe was created, you and I have always been one and the same. We’re linked just like that. As long as you think of me, I will always be by your side.

I’m also thinking about you all the time. You exist somewhere in this Galaxy; your body is sleeping somewhere on this Earth. Right now, you are but a dream to me. But my dreams have been leading me to you. I… don’t think we need to even work that hard at manifesting each other. It’s all written in the stars for you and I, darling. Though I admit I fall into a slump sometimes…

Manifesting you is probably not the easiest thing because I’m impatient. I try to be. Seriously. But my longing for you kills me sometimes. I want you right by my side, right now. I keep dreaming about the day we rendezvous under the most magical circumstances. I wonder if you’ll recognise me… Because I know I will. I’ve been manifesting you for the longest time.

i love You – 4 of Swords

I love you. In the purest, gentlest manner possible. I want you to relax when you’re with me. I’d like you to let your guards down and be able to breathe in the sweet air. The wind caresses your hair and there I will be watching your beauty finally in form before me. I will be appreciating the fact we occupy the same space and time at all. I will take in this moment as if it were an eternity.

When you’re with me, there is not a worry. I won’t ever make you doubt my intentions. I’m loyal like that. I’m your only other and I’ll kiss you better. Everything that’s ever caused you pain, I’ll eliminate forever. Everything that’s ever caused you tears, I’ll replace with calm and peace. I’m strong, so you can depend on me. I’ll show you a whole new world, okay?

So, don’t be afraid to trust. Don’t hesitate. I know you waver sometimes but I’m here for you. I’m all yours. I’m not at all like those who’ve been stupid enough to disappoint you. I’ll never hurt you. How could I ever? I’d be killed by a cow if I ever did! My gosh, I love you. I love you. I love you so much I could swallow you whole! Please be with me. Trust in me and never look at anybody else. I beg of you?

MY MUSE🔻💙

how Grateful i am – Red Physician (Galen of Pergamon)

I will be with you! – Priestess of Love

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

[PAC Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 2]

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[crossdressingdeath]

You know, thinking about it, I was wrong before. Nico has more reason to trust Hades than Percy does Poseidon at the time of the incident in TLO!

If you think about it, Percy's only evidence that Nico should've known it was a trap is that "[Nico] know[s] what [Hades]'s like", but... Nico's view of Hades would be much different from Percy's. Remember, Nico has a room in the palace at this time; Hades couldn't send him to his room the way he does later if he didn't have a room to be sent to. He's been living there! Hades allows him to live there! At this point Nico doesn't know that Hades used to visit him, Maria and Bianca regularly or that he actively stepped in to protect Nico and Bianca from Zeus and keep them safe until the time of Titan's Curse, but he does know that Hades is letting him live in his palace. Gods don't do that. Percy has to nearly die to even get a brief visit to Poseidon's palace, and he very openly knows that Poseidon wouldn't have claimed him to begin with if he didn't need him. Not to mention Poseidon has that whole thing where he explicitly tells Percy he wishes he didn't exist, which... is the sort of thing that's gonna have a negative impact on how you view your dad.

So when Percy says that Nico knows what Hades is like, what he's saying is basically... "The Underworld is evil and Hades is evil, how could you not know that," which is kind of an incredibly shitty thing to say to the child of Hades living in the Underworld? I mean, it is kind of just "You shouldn't trust your father because I think he's evil and the Underworld is evil", if I was Nico I'd be very concerned about what Percy thought of me when he started spouting that shit. Anyway, while Hades is far from a good father at this point in the series Nico still knows him as the father who is letting him live in his palace because he has nowhere to go, stepping well outside the usual bounds of gods interacting with their kids in the process. Hell, unless I've forgotten something (possible), it's entirely possible that by this point in the timeline Hades has already told Nico about Camp Jupiter (which would show a huge amount of faith in him, again above and beyond any other godly parent). Hades can be kind of a dick because all gods are dicks to their kids, but Nico has no particular reason not to trust him! Especially given Nico has exactly zero other adults in his life offering him any support and at this point in the timeline he doesn't remember his mother, so Hades is basically all he's got and he has no points of comparison other than his also-a-child sister who kinda sorta abandoned him (not going into her reasoning here but it was A Thing that would probably influence the way Nico thought about... caregivers, I guess, for lack of a better term to describe the twelve year old put in charge of her little brother) and Minos (who is... Minos. Enough said). It makes sense that when Hades says "Do this small thing for me and I'll tell you about your mother" Nico believes him, because while Hades has been awful to Nico at times there's no evidence that he's ever lied to him. Why should Nico doubt his father who gave him a place to stay when he had nothing and no one just because that father happens to be Hades and the place to stay happens to be the Underworld?

...Also in hindsight knowing just how much Hades spoils Nico (for a godly parent at least) in the future makes the "You know what Hades is like" thing kind of hilarious. Ah yes, the guy who gives Nico a place to stay when he has nowhere to go despite gods Not Doing That, tells him at least some of the gods' most guarded secrets and essentially takes it on faith that he'll keep his mouth shut, lets him get away with breaking the law that the dead stay dead without even a slap on the wrist, promises him a place in the palace when he eventually dies (which may or may not imply that Hades intends to make Nico a god when he bites it, but it's certainly not normal procedure for Underworld kids), tells him to his face he deserves everything, and backs up that claim by fulfilling his wishes with no payment required or debt accrued just because Nico asked if Hades thinking he deserved everything meant he'd do so (because Nico is a little shit, we love to see it) despite Hades claiming that wasn't actually what he meant. Why would Nico trust that guy? (I know, I know, it's not proof of anything at this point because most of that hasn't happened yet. But it is funny how completely Percy's claim that Nico should distrust his dad is eventually proved wrong by Hades spoiling his kid rotten.)

[dgalerab]

Oboro sits by Shouta's hospital bed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Of course he knows that every time they go out on patrol, there's a chance...

...

Of course he knows that. He tries to be an optimist, but in their line of work optimism needs to be colored with realism.

He just wasn't expecting to be hit with that possibility during a random class with the first years.

He'd always thought Shouta would make a good teacher, but if he's honest with himself, the UA position had been a relief in more ways than one. Less time on patrol. Less time in the thick of things.

Less time that Shouta manages to be as shitty at taking care of himself as he is competent at hero work - something they've had many a screaming argument about. (The fact that they scream at each other whenever they argue doesn't really fill the space Hizashi left behind, but Oboro still gets a sense of satisfaction every time he gets Shouta to raise his voice.)

"You really had to take on all those villains, didn't you, Shouta?" Oboro sighs to his friend's bandaged face. He can barely see one eye peeking out from between the layers of gauze, squeezed shut in a nightmare.

It doesn't surprise Oboro. Shouta's new class is loud, frantic, powerful. Of course he'd do anything to protect them. So would Oboro.

He just wishes that maybe sometimes Shouta could put himself a little bit higher up the priority list. It's not like Oboro hasn't told him a million times that he doesn't want to lose two best friends.

He shakes his head. He shouldn't be thinking of what happened to Hizashi right now. It can't be good luck to do so when Shouta is still hooked up to all these machines, both arms broken and skull fractured.

(And yet it's so hard not to.)

As if he hears Oboro's thoughts, Shouta croaks a weak, "Yamada..." beside him.

"You're not dead yet, Eraser," he reassures, leaning back to massage his neck.

He hears the heartbeat monitor speed up, and Shouta's cast thump against his arm, and when he looks down his heart skips a beat.

Shouta's good eye is wide open in horror as he struggles against his injuries and bandages to try to grab at Oboro. "He was there," he gasps. "Oboro, he was there."

"Hey, hey, calm down," Oboro says, nudging him back down before he hurts himself. "That's... That's quite the near death experience, but you're okay, you're..."

"No!" Shouta grits out. "He was there. He was at USJ."

A chill runs through Oboro. The students had mentioned some sort of sonic blast when they'd explained what had happened, but...

He shakes himself. He's not the one concussed and on pain killers here. He takes a deep breath and puts on his rescue voice.

"One of the villains had a voice quirk," he says. "It wasn't him, Shouta. You took some hits to the head so I know it all seems confusing, but..."

"I saw him!" Shouta cries, voice low and insistent. "I saw him, it was his face, his... his... It was something else but it was him."

Oboro wants to protest. Wants to insist that it's some sort of twisted near death experience, but...

He pulls out his phone and calls their contacts at the police department.

---

"You were right," Tsukauchi confirms. "There's no human DNA in the ashes you gave me."

It had been a harrowing ordeal to get them. Reassuring the Yamadas that it was probably nothing, just a strange fluke in an old case. It had already felt awful to lie to them, but now it feels worse.

This isn't nothing.

"We saw the body," Oboro says. "Over a dozen people watched him die, there's no way that..."

Tsukauchi shakes his head. "He did die. UA oversaw all that, and I know the people involved. It seems somewhere between the autopsy and the cremation, however, the body... went missing."

Oboro looks to Shouta, who's staring out the window in silence, still vaguely mummified.

"Say something," Oboro pleads.

"He had scars on his face. Bandages over his limbs, too, and claws. It was like someone replaced his arms and legs with... something else," Shouta murmurs.

"Sewed pieces of his corpse together with... what? Other corpses?"

Shouta shrugs.

Normally this is when one or the other of them would start yelling. Oboro craves that cathartsis, but...

Right now, it feels impossible.

"Is it still him?" Oboro asks.

"I think that question is above my pay grade," Tsukauchi says, not unkindly. "But we're looking into this with as much effort as we can. We'll do whatever it takes to get you answers."

With thar, he leaves them to themselves.

"The sports festival starts tomorrow," Shouta says, and Oboro thanks every god who might be listening that he doesn't have to start the conversation.

"I guess so," They've commentated every year since they started teaching, in honor of Hizashi who had begged and pleaded his way into commentating even as a first year, and then again as a second year when the first year was a mess. "I suppose that comes first, then..."

It's quiet. They usually work rather hard not to let it get this quiet unless they're on patrol and stealth is of the essence. Oboro wracks his brain for what to say.

Their eyes meet, and it becomes clear. "We're going to find him, right?" Oboro asks.

"Obviously," Shouta says.

---

They spend the next few days obsessively going over everything they know (which admittedly isn't much). They've planned for everything - how to catch him, how to test his memory, how to handle the cops if he responds, how to handle him if he doesn't.

They spend almost every waking moment pelting each other with what ifs and emergency plans.

It somewhat helps to quiet the horror as Shouta slowly heals and gets his bandages off.

They're going to figure this out. If they got through Hizashi being dead, they can get through him being... whatever he is now.

... is what he thinks until they come back from patrol one night, crashing into their respective bedrooms, only for Oboro to wake in the middle of the night to Shouta shouting for him frantically.

He grabs his quarterstaff from beside the bed and runs to Shouta's bedroom.

Ah, he thinks, as he looks up at the creature all but racing across his best friend's ceiling, tail lashing and eyes glinting green in the dark, giggling and swiping at Shouta like a small child trying to pull a cat's tail, entirely unafraid of the knife Shouta brandishes at him. Perhaps we've forgotten how much spontaneity Hizashi brought to our trio.

[conanssummerchild]

my own ranking of every rick and morty episode, inspired by the lovely @fandomwe1rd0 :3

sorry this is a bit scattered, the random quotes are just lines that i liked/found funny. i had to shorten all my reasonings by a fuck ton bcs i was just going on forever lmao, so if some things feel kinda cut off, that's why.

i binged all of rick and morty in like a week to make this, just to make sure the ranking was fully accurate to me and it took me way to long but i'm finally done !!

btw this isnt a ranking of which episodes are objectively the best, its very biased and just my personal opinions, im aware some epsiodes definitely shouldnt be as high as they are but a lot of them are just my comfort episodes 🤷

f tier: episodes i actively dislike, have little to no redeeming qualities.

71. rickdependance spray: audibly said "oh, fuck no." when i realised this was next. the rest of weird-ish episodes have some redeeming points but this one just has no plot relevance and isnt very funny.

70. raising gazorpazorp: main reason i dislike this episode is the end credit, it reminds me of when i was listening to family line and my dad insinuated conan was making it up and that if i got famous i'd do the same, like, no, if i talk abt what a shitty dad you are its bcs you were a shitty dad, do better. anyway i just thought it was an unfunny joke. due to daddy issues. also its just a boring episode.

69. a rickconvenient mort: summer and rick's storyline was ok but not enough to make up for how much i hate planetina. i liked beth in this episode. rick and summer's dynamic was nice too, but unhealthy.

e tier: episodes i don't dislike, just find boring/have bad elements but more redeeming qualities.

68. m. night shaym-aliens!: the little crystal wrestle was adorable. other than that not a super memorable episode.

67. rise of the numbericons: the movie: i didn't hate it but compared to the rest of s7 it was pretty weak. i think mr goldenfold is funny, but not enough to get his own episode. it would've been more entertaining if rick was in it lets be real, i missed him.

66. interdimensional cable 2: tempting fate: i care very little about jerry's penis. the interdimensional cable was good as usual though.

65. how poopy got his poop back: fine episode, not my fav. i liked seeing bp and squanchy again.

64. edge of tomorty: rick die rickpeat: "Damn, Morty, you're bad at maths, but I'm giving you an a-plus in confidence!" an okay episode.

63. rick: a mort well lived: pretty weak episode to follow solaricks. summer's die hard was good. some cool emotional components.

62. rattlestar ricklactia: "Hey, Morty, listen. I can tell you're pretty upset about the whole snake encounter thing, so I'll tell you what. I'm just gonna go ahead and avoid you for the rest of the day." rnm were kind of cute at the end. yk, until rick punched morty in the face :/.

61. the jerrick trap: sorry ik a lot of ppl love this episode but tho burger & fries were cute characters its not all that for me. memory rick's return, however, was all that. i love him.

60. childrick of mort: "Oh my god, grandpa, you fuck boy." rick being a space nerd <3. loved to see more of beth and rick together but other than that this episode was kinda mid.

59. amortycan grickfitti: honestly made me feel bad for jerry which isnt easy, i sort of liked rick here, he seemed reluctant to let the hell demons make fun of jerry, he still did, but even apologised with only a little prompting. can't say the same for beth. summer and morty were sweet in this episode, i wish we would get more of them.

58. rickmancing the stone: "I don't know why I'm crying." "Well... try crying 15% less?" not bad, i liked the emotional components.

57. mortynight run: again, not super memorable to me. the roy montage was good. You kind of wasted your 30's, though, with that whole birdwatching phase." the animation for the song was great.

d tier: mostly okay to good episodes with minor faults that i can look past in the general scheme of the episode.

56. one crew over the crewcoo's morty: fucked up what rick did to morty. and to mr pb, his life went to shit after this, bcs of rick.

55. night family: had some great moments, but wasnt my fav.

54. anatomy park: loved dr bloom, john oliver voiced him perfectly.

53. lawnmower dog: sweet scenes between rnm. liked the dream inceptor, loved scary terry, snuffles was good too but not as much.

52. claw and hoarder: special ricktims morty: "Are you gonna slay it?" "First off, i always slay it, queen. Secondly, yes." summer being on morty's side was nice. while the soul orgy was a bit weird, the rest of this episode was pretty entertaining which is why its higher up, sorry.

51. bethic twinstinct: jerry saying he would khs, not cool jerry fuck you. "You ladies discuss responsibility while i get stoned and play video games with your kids." the end 💀 i felt bad but it was funny lol.

50. final desmitation: maybe my fav ep of jerry and rick's relationship. i liked seeing rick disapprove of them making fun of jerry, had some funny moments and i even liked jerry here.

49. a rick in king mortur's mort: not the best but i enjoyed rickbot being nice to morty. also this episode sets up for rmrm which i love.

48. promortyus: morty's little yee-haw 😭. and their conversation, so sweet. taking the adderall line as an adhd rick confirmation. "It is my thing. Just like yours is dying alone," get his ass. i feel like the romance couldve been a compelling story if the hosts werent rnm.

47. the whirly dirly conspiracy: rick's take on jerry was accurate. "But no, like father like goddamn daughter! You wanna be like Rick? Congratulations, you're just as arrogant and just as irresponsible!" morty ate. i prefered summer and beths storyline to rick and jerry's.

c tier: solid, episodes, some have a few faults but theyre small

46. mort: ragnarick: it's so high up because i found rick to be likeable and liked his dynamic with morty. ricks clone was cute too.

45. look who's purging now: "Screw you, Rick! I'll purge you too, you old rickety piece of crap!" rnm's storyline was great, i liked arthrisha.

44. the ricks must be crazy: "I dropped out of school. It's not a place for smart people." "Ohhhh, snap!" lmao literally my reaction. "Ooh. Wow. Gaaay!" "That is pretty gay." not much more to say, good ep.

43. never ricking morty: rnm were sweet in this ep. the gay ass song with rick and bp. "Rick are you– do you need to go to the hospital?" the forehead kiss was sweet. (we're ignoring "Lips if you want.")

42. mort dinner rick andre: mr nimbus is a great character. the wine storyline was a bit boring. "I havent been to a full week of school in years! I don't know shit!" love the peek at rick's backstory too.

41. rick potion #9: important lore episode. some funny bits. morty was a little creepy in this one. i love jerry primes character development. first look on down from the bridge moment !!

40. forgetting sarick mortshall: "What are you, eight? Is this macaroni art? You expect me to believe you built this because you don't care?" liked ricks storyline and he actually does seem to be showing minor development. the end song was good. liked garbage goober's lore.

39. morty's mindblowers: rick removing whatever memories he wanted was fucked up. rick saying granite instead of granted will always be funny. also him losing in chackers and skiing into a tree.

38. mortyplicity: entertaining enough if a little convoluted, i liked it though. sweet moment between the decoy family, shame they died.

b tier: good to great episodes.

37. big trouble in little sanchez: actually liked jerry and beths storyline in this one. tiny riiick !! "old rick! ruining everything!" good episode.

36. pilot: good intro, sets the tone. rick is such a dick (affectionate). rnm's dynamic !! the animation is great. overall great episode.

35. pickle rick: ik its a overrated but i think its good. hes pickle riiiick. dr wong's speech to rick was actually really good and accurate.

34. meeseeks and destroy: rick was such a whiny bitch this episode (affectionate), up until the mr jellybean stuff, which i liked bcs it was handled well by the writers and rick was actually very sweet.

33. rick and morty's thanksploitation spectacular: president curtis' alcoholic sci-fi boyfriend is probably my favourite way rick has been refered to in the show LOL. overall i enjoyed this episode.

32. something ricked this way comes: idc now but, the first time watching rick's r slur speech it was obnoxious and offputting. summer and rick were great, i adore their dynamic, love summer and rick episodes, but idrc for jerry's storyline, he bores me so bad.

31. full meta jackrick: "Rick can't change, Morty. Change is what you might call his Kryptonite." there were a lot of things i liked abt this ep.

30. vindicators 3: the return of worldender: very good episode. forever a believer that the ride was for morty and rick just chickened out.

29. a rickle in time: the va for the testicle monster was great. beth and jerry's storyline also wasn't bad. rick jumping into the hole and sacrificing his life for morty, im sobbing. great episode.

28. the vat of acid episode: morty trying to make rick feel better about not being able to make the thing was very sweet. morty's relationship with that girl was adorable, so sad it was erased by jerry's dumb ass /lh. fuck rick in this episode. the end was funny.

27. rixty minutes: while i do love interdimensional cable this episode would've been lower if it wasn't for all the character moments. "You can't leave, you're 17." "Yeah, and I'm not pregnant. I'm gonna have better judgement than you guys had at my age." loved summer getting screentime. beth and jerry's moment was quite sweet.

26. ricksy business: bp and squanchy !!! >:) bp coming through with the deep speech. the montage of rick morty and summer at the end is so adorable i love them sm <3. "I love my grandkids." "Aw :)." "Psych, just kidding, my new catchphrase is i dont give a fuuuck!"

25. get schwifty: first president curtis episode !! i love him. love morty and bp interactions haha. "In bird culture, this is considered a dick move." "It is random debris. I found it in my carpet. I don't know what humans eat." crying i love him sm. one of my personal favs lol :).

24. juricksick mort: tbh i mostly like this ep bcs of "You pompous autistic cadaver!" but there was other good moments and it was entertaining. rick was funny and likeable and very much a disaster of a human being, as i was promised when i started watching rnm.

23. star mort rickturn of the jerri: space beth !! "You cosplay as your shitty father in his 30's." "Its funny. I always wondered who would win if we ever fought." "Then you were always a bad friend." :(. "Holy shit, I'm a terrible father." i forgot how good this episode was, very angsty.

22. total rickall: genuinely love this episode. KEITH DAVID >:D. rick's "weird made-up sounding catchphrases" compilation is one of my fav moments in the show lol, everyone looks so concerned 💀.

21. rest and ricklaxation: "Grandpa's here." SOBBING. "Because you kept drunk-dialing me and crying about it!" "I wasn't crying!" loved jessica and ricks dynamic lol. great episode.

20. rickfending your mort: great follow up to unmortricken, i like that rick doesnt just go back to normal and we see it takes a while and even then its only bcs morty steps in. morty making up titles for all their adventures is adorable. great sweet scenes between rnm.

19. the rickchurian mortydate: autistic rick !! also minecraft. the president is such a pathetic loser lol <3. i loved rick and morty being on the same wavelength in this episode. the ending was good.

18. wet kuat amortycan summer: summer-centric episode !! rick was likeable, liked seeing him clumsy getting his grove back. him saying summer reminds him of diane again, he's getting so much more open, im so proud, can you imagine s3 rick being sincere like that?

17. close rickcounters of the rick kind: best s1 episode, love citadel episodes. evil morty !!!!! some funny moments. "You're crying? Over a Morty?" sobbing. "Yeah, but wheres the transmitter?" and the evil morty song oh god, best scene ever fr. i love my evil guy :3.

s tier: outstanding episodes, the 16 best imo.

16. that's amorte: FANTASTIC episode, the end montage is the only part of any rnm episode thats made me cry a little, it would be higher up but i have some personal favs which i put higher. i feel like this episode was very classic rnm after having them separated half of s7.

15. the old man and the seat: jerry and morty's dynamic is pretty funny. tony and rick's storyline was fantastic. some pretty angsty stuff. "The saaaddest piece of garbage in the entire cosmos."

14. the abc's of beth: rick and beth episode !! rick saying that an adventure clearly needs morty in it, aw. i did not care about jerry's storyline at all. beth had no right being so relatable in this ep.

13. ricktional mortpoon's rickmas mortcation: rick relapsing into finding prime !! "I'm not touching that thing. I'll get neurotypical cooties." ok, so ik a lot of ppl don't like the speech rick said to morty, but i do, he was going through a LOT, this clearly took him quite a few steps back in development and healing, i think it was less bad than a lot of other things he's done and way more justified.

12. fear no mort: loved morty getting his time to shine, LOVED diane and rick. morty realising rick wasn't in the hole has to be one of the best moments in the show. rick not going in the hole at the end bcs morty told him not to, hope some day he'll get to the point of doing things for morty in front of him so he can realise how much he cares.

11. analyze piss: look at rick asking dr wong for advice. him relating to piss master :(. also i read a phenomenal fic abt this ep (tw sh) (link).

10. air force wong: UNITY RETURNS! Rick was kinda childish in this episode but i feel like it was justified, he wasn't being a dick just bcs, he was hurting, and he even kinda apologised to summer, hes trying. rick going to drink with the president instead of being alone.

9. the rickshank rickdemption: RICK PRIME. "That, diane, is the last great idea that will ever be had in this garage." :((((. ricks backstory. "he's not a villan, summer, but he shouldn't be ur hero." fantastic ep.

8. rickmurai jack: love two crows rick. rick's full "crybaby" backstory !! "Now you're evil morty, too. sooner or later we all are. on this side of the curve." THE END OH GOD. THE MUSIC. EVIL MORTY LETTING OUT A SIGH OF RELIEF. INSANE finale.

7. gotron jerrysis rickvangelion: rick is so spectacularly autistic in this one. i like how he doesnt silly hyperfixtate, he full on unhealthy hyperfixtates. i practically know this ep off by heart. comfort ep fr.

6. rickternal friendshine of the spotless mort: im not sorry for putting this up so high, i love this ep so fucking much. memory rick is so silly i love him sm. "You were a good friend, Rick. Goodbye." the blood ridge confession makes me FERAL. i can quote it word for word.

5. the wedding squanchers: THIS EPISODE. rick watching bp die in front of him. rick turning himself in :(. "everyone i know goes away in the end." the music was so good. "he's not coming back, is he?"

4. the ricklantis mixup: best citadel ep, fight me. j-22 trying to save simple rick only to suffer the same fate :(. slick jumping into the wishing portal. the ending was phenomenal, every single storyline was amazing and important. and evil morty returns.

3. auto erotic assimilation: love unity and ricks dynamic. blim blam humbling beth and jerry. jerry using the weed whacker right in front of the garage where rick just attempted. and no one notices. bc that's how it is. "do you feel it?" is a great song. maybe this ep is higher than it should be but it's my comfort ep, it means so much to me.

2. solaricks: first time we get to see dimension c-137 out of a flashback !! "I hope Summer knows what happens to the people you love!" "Oh, am I cool enough for you now? Well, that was easy. It only cost me fucking everything." "I don't know him. You're my grandpa, rick." rip jerry prime, my fav jerry. THIS EPISODE IS PHENOMENAL.

1. unmortricken: ok anyone who knows me knows this is my fav ep bcs i never stfu abt it. i mean, evil morty backstory, rick beating prime to death, GOD. ian cardoni was COOKING with the delivery of those lines, and the lines were fantastic. some good rnm moments. the angst is so good. "How's it feel? Better? No? Exactly the same? Yeah, it always does." best look on down from the bridge moment.

i keep going over this a million times just to make sure everything is perfect but idk, some episodes are maybe interchangeable, im just going to post it bcs its been rotting in my drafts for quite a while now, everyone promise you dont hate me for putting an episode 1 slot too high or low /j

and sorry for all the jerry hate in this post, i dont hate him i just find him boring, so eps where he's the centre tend to be lower on the list.

[damnfandomproblems]

I've compiled several asks regarding Fandom Problem #5754 below:

Anon:

Going outside IS the problem. In fiction, one can pretend that most men aren't fucking terrible. When we step out the front door, we're instantly confronted by how unkind and awful they are.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anon:

In my experience, this is almost always drivel from people who are way too bombarded by certain kinds of posts on social media (you're right, they should go outside!). Many of the posts are somewhat insidious because at first glance, they seem to make cogent, obvious points about behaviour that most women need to constantly put up with from men who are socialized like dogs. Like that post by the terf that went "men are so annoying, they always say get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich! but what about men? YOU belong in the fields reaping the wheat!" and then the next post is, "i will as soon as you go to war and die". It's terfs all the way up the chain, but a lot of people instinctively think, "yes that's exactly how silly it is and how it feels!" and they get sucked in. Not a perfect example, but you can sort of see how that nonsense propagates.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anon:

I try not to get into the habit of doomscrolling blogs I block because it's a waste of time, but sometimes I get brain worms lol and just have to see how accurate my impression of someone and my justification of blocking them is. And can I just say for someone who says it's silly to believe that good men exist, implying all men are shit people by default, it's real weird that this is the second or third post I found during my brief doomscroll: "I bring a sort of "it's wrong to hate people based on how or where they were born" vibe to political discourse that apparently right wingers and left wingers both don't really like" So which is it?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anon:

Jeeze, according to the logic of one of the commenters; even if a man pulled out all the stops to attend rallies, be an activist, called out misogyny and systemic issues, and avoided contributing to as much patriarchal bullshit as possible, and made it his life's mission, it still wouldn't matter? And he would still be a "bad" man? Literally nothing is good enough for this commenter? That's all the evidence I need to throw away that take. Just say you're a radfem and be on your way.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anon:

responding to (well, about) the comment that says good men don't exist (lol)... It's WILD how emboldened and out-and-proud some man haters can be, just because they're behind a computer screen, and on a site like tumblr, where peoples' definition of acceptable "left" behavior is killing billionaires and wishing death on bigots. Sorry, but just because other people who are equally misguided are enabling your shitty reductive views, it doesn't mean everyone is going to. And thank GOD I'm seeing sanity in the comments. I'm a woman, I was AFAB, and fuck people who smear an entire gender and/or sex just because it overheats their brain a little too much to exercise nuance. Do you feel informed? Do you feel knowledgeable? Do you feel like you're making a difference? Good for you. With that attitude, you never will.

[sunnychuuya]

Sorry for the lack of sally face vomit last night guys I was eepy </3 I'm waking up in less than 8 hrs so let's go

THE FUCK YOU MEAN 60%

HOW DID I MISS SHIT I TRY SO HARD TO NOT

-oof not meds being shitty

-"is anyone really happy?" Mood

-hoooly fuck bro I am notnin a good enough mental state for this rn "I mean, were all just going to die anyway. So what's the point" pookie can we donting

-guysss whay the flip this games writing is rlly good

-"it feels like nothing puts me at ease. It's this constant feeling of discomfort like my soul isn't aligned with my body" okay I know this is prolly some ghosty supernatural shit but I feel this so hard ??

-HELP THE SCRAMIMG JUMPSCARED ME SO BAD mood tho

-hey what.

Whats this.

Larry if this means what I think it means

"ITS TIME FOR ME TO GO WHAY NO

Fuck

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK

NO

I KNEW HE DIED BUT HE CANT DIE LIKE THOS

MY HEART IS RACIN

NO

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

"Don't do anything stupid" the amount of times I've had this told to me and had to tell me loved ones bro

Fuck

No

Guys this isn't even fucking funny this isn't like me getting spooked easy it's like I legitimately am crying so fucking hard right now like mt face is red and all nasty

Shit Larry please

I think this is the most I've ever cried over a game.

Shit

Fuck

No..

Please.

I knew he died.

It can't happen like this I'd rather anything else god damnit why.

Im shaking

okay in texting one of my friends and he's kinda helping a Lil 👍

He was supposed to move in with us.

He's in the treehouse.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Shit.

I'm sorry I know this isn't entertaining to read but

Fuck..

Larry why.

Larry face.

No ghat was really well done. And that's what makes it hurt sk much more. Fuck. Why.

[Tw suicide] this Honestly is making me really glad I never went through with it. Seeing those messages from a fucking fictional character is able to break my heart so much I can't imagine how my loved ones would've felt receiving this

sorry this is getting a Lil venty and dark but just like.. jeez. This is well written and that fucks it up so hard

ash what the fuck. You shitty traitor.

Ash I hate you.

Why.

Ash you fucking suck

Wait did Larry die with alcohol

Uck that makes it so much worse too

Im lowkey having to take breaks cuz this is hitting HARD

Larry's note. Oh my god.

phrophecy??

Oh right the cult

Fuck I'm sk glad ghosts exsist but I wish he was really here larry why

"You asshole! How could you do this?! Why did you leave me? Why?!" Fuck. Dude. Shit.

guys I'm stuck this is embarrassing

A times thing r u fr

Nvm easy as shot

oh great! guys that's great why is there black leak that's not good

what's happening with 501 what the florp

"The shapeless man walks in awkward strides"

Is everyone like possed or on the verge of possession or smth ?? Because like it's the red eyed demon right- based on the cutscene with Todd we saw during the bologna incident and the black stops righr before their eyes so..

The guitar sections are so stressful ngl

Oh wow mr Sanderson blew his brains out hub!

"yoy look like shit dude" Larry fucking wild thing to say to someone who shot themslelves

HEY GUYS ROOM 404 IS SLIGHTLY SUSPICIOUS

"These ghosts. So full of life. Strong, healthy blood. Tender meat. Oh how we crave their flesh. Yet, they deny us.. soon." what the fuck.

Wait guys in the vhs tape screen TV reflection it's younger sal he has pigtails

Larrys dead. I can't accept thst wth..

yall. Why us everyone being all deep n shit

"I'm sort of in the middle of something" honestly props to sal for not just giving up. I would be strong enough for that.

Yea these fuckers r possessed how do we unposses them

am I is have stupid

Im dumb

Gwyss who's quitting for the night cuz I couldn't figure out the guitar thing !!

Will do tmmrw

Aorry for this one being kinda depressing </3 I'm waking up in 5 hrs save .e

@mypinterestgotbannedsoimherenow

[lizhly-writes]

one day i'll actually work on the canon of this original fiction instead of going off on an offbeat au. that day is not today. anyway here's the chen siblings being violent people i guess

Chen Liwei wishes he could threaten people. His face is hostile enough that it stops people from talking to him, but apparently not enough for him to scare them in a way that matters. Sure, they’ll be scared for the first five minutes --- an hour, if he’s really lucky --- but that’s not enough for them to rethink that dumb thing they want to do to him or his sister.

To make an impact that lasts longer, Chen Liwei usually has to beat people up.

Today, it’s some of his sister’s crazy stalkers.

“They’re technically not stalkers,” Chen Lihua says, not because she actually disagrees with his word choice, but because she’s a little shit who likes to argue with him for the sake of arguing.

“Fuck off,” Chen Liwei says.

“Don’t be so touchy,” Chen Lihua says, and then, “Hey, do you think if I’ll actually kill him if I hit him again?” She twirls the bat in her hand consideringly.

Chen Liwei gives the prone body in front of him a kick. Not too hard --- just to enough to budge it by a couple centimeters. It’d be nice if he was allowed to break some ribs, but --

“You’re not allowed to kill people, that’s illegal,” Chen Liwei says reluctantly. There’s a limit to how much damage they’re allowed to do. Too much, and then it’s not reasonable retaliation or just kids being kids or whatever the fuck the school or the police lets people get away with. It looks bad, and they can’t afford to look too bad if they want to be properly accepted to a good university.

Even if there are absolutely some people who deserve to die.

“How disappointing,” Chen Lihua says.

“Completely disappointing,” Chen Liwei says.

“I really can’t understand it,” Chen Liwei says, her lips curling. “It sounds so nice, saying you’re in love, but isn’t all of this just to get your dick wet with someone you barely know? I should tear that useless thing off, shouldn’t I?”

“Illegal,” Chen Liwei repeats.

“Fuck off,” Chen Lihua says. Thoughtfully, she taps her bat against the ground --- no, against the body, that’ll be another bruise right there. “Hey, Ge. Speaking of romance--”

“Is there someone you like?” Chen Liwei says skeptically, wrinkling his nose. Considering what they’re doing literally right now, that doesn’t seem right.

Chen Lihua snorts. “I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about you.”

“Are you dumb?” Chen Liwei says.

Chen Lihua makes a rude noise. “You’re in a good mood these days, is all I’m saying. And there aren’t that many reasons for you to be in a good mood and also not tell me about it. Is there a beautiful sister-in-law I should be looking out for?”

Chen Liwei feels his face twist involuntarily.

“No?” Chen Lihua says. “That looks like a no. How tragic, I was looking forward to hearing about how some brave white lotus melted the heart of the school’s cool aloof beauty, and together, they bravely faced the world, overcoming all trials with the power of love--”

Chen Liwei shoves a hand over her face.

“Dickhead,” Chen Lihua says.

“Don’t make me throw up,” Chen Liwei says. “Why do you read so many shitty romance novels?”

“A better question is why don’t you read any shitty romance novels.”

“Because I don’t feel like eating trash.”

“Don’t sound so disgusted, there’s a certain appeal to eating trash--”

The body at their feet groans. As one, Chen Liwei and Chen Lihua kick it.

“Anyway,” Chen Lihua says. “So I don’t have a beautiful sister-in-law.”

“Why would you even think that.”

“Well, it’s true you really have been in a better mood,” Chen Lihua says. “Also, last week, some bitch tried flirting with you at lunch and you didn’t make her instantly regret existing.”

Chen Liwei wrinkles his nose in automatic revulsion. Flirting is annoying at best, rage-inducing at worst. Who wants this sort of attention? There’s no respect there. It’s only masses of people who want his body and face, all in the most revolting way possible. That sort of thing is enough to ruin his day.

...Which is why he really should have remembered if it happened last week.

“What?” Chen Liwei says. “Really?”

“You know,” Chen Lihua simpers, shifting her voice high and breathy as she demurely lowers her lashes. “It’s just --- you were so impressive when you dealt with Qi Mingtao earlier. So dashing and handsome! Actually, I’ve always thought you were a really cool person. I --- I just really wondered --- would you want to--- ?”

“You’re going to make me throw up,” Chen Liwei says flatly.

“You keep saying that but you never do it,” Chen Lihua cackles. “Gege, your stomach isn’t as sensitive you think it is! But yeah, it went a little like that. You really truly don’t remember?”

“Should I?”

“It’s not like it was a stranger. It was one of your classmates. Han Aihan?”

The name is vaguely familiar. It takes a moment, but he eventually associates it with a face. He has no memory of talking with it last week.

Chen Liwei shrugs.

“Shit, she’s been going around saying that clearly, you like her because you didn’t bother scaring her off and also wow, you smiled at her, and what, you weren’t even paying attention? Hey, do you even know who she is?”

Of course Chen Liwei knows who she is. He knows all of his classmates by name, even if he doesn’t remember straight off the bat. Generally speaking, Han Aihan is an average girl with no particular academic talent, extracurricular talent, or even social talent. In other words: “Nothing special.”

“I’ll pay you to say that to her face,” Chen Lihua says gleefully.

“No deal,” Chen Liwei says. “If you want to her to hear it so badly, say it yourself.”

“Ah, you’re no fun. Poor Han Aihan, she’s so unimportant to you that you can’t even be bothered to crush her heart personally. If she flat-out confessed to you, would you even hear it or would it just be ‘huh? Oh, were you talking to me?’”

With some effort, Chen Liwei vaguely recalls Han Aihan saying... something to him. Chen Lihua was right --- at the time, he really hadn’t been paying attention.

“Huh,” Chen Liwei says.

“You’re normally better at remaining awake and alert,” Chen Lihua says. “What were you distracted by? Thinking good thoughts? About what? Oooh, did somebody die?”

He’d honestly been thinking about the offended expression on Wu Youxuan’s face when he saw Chen Liwei’s perfect test score.

“How are you even doing this,” Wu Youxuan hissed. “You spend all of your time either at your job or beating people up, what kind of study medicine are you even taking that you can just casually walk in and get the best goddamn score, stop smiling I’m going to beat your face in --”

“You’d know if somebody died,” Chen Liwei says, and then, because he owes his sister honesty, says, “I have a...”

What’s the word he’s looking for? Acquaintance? Lackey? Victim?

“...Friend?” Chen Liwei finishes skeptically.

Even before their parents had died, Chen Lihua had always been the more social one of them. Back then, Chen Liwei had been abstractly aware of what friendship was, but he’d never really bothered with anything more than surface level relationships. A healthy classroom atmosphere where it was easy to find partners for class projects and maybe a game of basketball --- and that was pretty much all he cared about. After...

Well, he stopped caring about even that, eventually.

Anyway.

Is Wu Youxuan a friend? Maybe for lack of a better word, but Chen Liwei is almost certain he isn’t treating Wu Youxuan nice enough for that. Should he treat Wu Youxuan nicer?

“A friend,” Chen Lihua says dubiously. “You.”

“I’m allowed to have friends,” Chen Liwei says. “You have friends.”

This is a lie. Chen Lihua doesn’t have friends. She has ‘friends’: people that she chats with and laughs with, but doesn’t actually expend any real care or feeling for. She’s explained this before. Something about keeping a pleasant atmosphere, something about feeling like your ‘friends’ are friends, even if they badmouth you behind your back. It’s a lot of effort for not very much payoff, keeping on a fake face, day after day, always ready for the knife in the back.

Chen Liwei doesn’t really get it.

Wu Youxuan is at least upfront about the desire he has to stab Chen Liwei in the face.

“You’re smiling,” Chen Lihua observes.

“Well,” Chen Liwei says. Wu Youxuan is really funny when he wants to stab Chen Liwei in the face.

[weaponizedducks]

Hello! Your pinned post mentions The Shapeshifter books so 🫵 hi

Tell me about them. Who's your favourite character? What do you like about them?

(feel free to redeem this ask as a way to infodump if you want. license to yap)

omg hi hi!! i love you so much for asking this and im sorry for turning this ask into an infodump. definite spoilers for the shapeshifter below.

ok so my favourite character is lisa probably bc shes iconic and her instincts when something goes wrong is just to attack. either verbally or physically. also her backstory is so sad??? like she predicts someones about to die but she doesnt know thats what her visions mean (bc her visions are very cryptic and she was like 10 at the time) so she only realised when the girl died and then blamed herself?? like what??? these books are so dark for a kids series. i think she deserved a gun and also to say fuck. i really love her relationship with dax also theyre just so cute. like she'll by fully attacking someone and he's like :). isnt she so pretty :). theyre a bi4bi power couple i just know it.

also she fully had a doomed wlw situationship with mia and i fear we dont talk about it enough. mia was fully in love with her both before and after she went evil. like they very much gave cherik for a hot moment there. actually now that i'm thinking about it shapeshifters is very x men coded. so yeah im never getting over lisa and mia but i do love her and dax so im not mad.

MIA OH MY GOD. I LOVE MIA SO MUCH. never before has someone so deserved their villain arc. she's like morgana. i LOVED the subversion of her being the sweet healer-y type and then going batshit insane with her healer powers. like kinda using them for...nefarious purposes shall we say. she's still very sweet she's just very cunty and evil now.

i also love alice especially in the last book bc. shes just a kid. her mother's shit. stepmom neglected dax and smothered alice while never actuallly listening to her wants and needs. and their fathers never there. i wish we had gotten to see alice and dax bond more over their shitty parents. they could have been the best sibling duo. also shes badass and she would have loved wearing pink to see barbie (2023).

gideon for me is one of those characters who is so into women it just wraps around into him being gay. he's like lance mcclain to me. he deserved a boyfriend. also i think he's bi (i think everyone's bi. i don't think there's a single straight character in these books. minus mr grey). i love gideon he's so mecore. he's also traumatised!!! and he has a twin brother and an evil twin sister who's thirteen and ripped out her brother's tongue.

on the subject of gid's evil twin sister she is SUCH an interesting character to me. like obviously i hate catherine but she's so fascinating. her power means she can never stay with someone for too long or she'll end up killing them. she never has her own likes or hobbies or talents- she borrows someone elses because she feels herself isnt good enough. she crucified a man. she's killed three adoptive mothers. sort of on purpose. she just wants to be loved. she drowned an entire school with a massive tidal wave after leeching their powers. she was killed with fire. she was french for a while. she's perpetually thirteen years old.

i love the series as a whole but i think it had so much potential to be more. it was already pretty dark (windmill scene. need i say more) but it was technically a teen fantasy series, and i feel if they committed to a YA age rating and went all out with the horror and the very clear 'fuck the government' theme that was present throughout the whole series it could have been amazing. i have so many ideas for these books and what they could have done (note i love the books so much as they are but god. what we could have had if they weren't technically kids books).

also just realised i forgot to talk abt owen!!! gay father figure of our hearts. he accidentally adopts a bunch of motherless children and then he commits to it for the rest of his life. he canonically faked his death to live in a cave in spain with his superpowered male best friend. he's killed quite a few people.

this is the end of the Yap. in conclusion none of these characters are either normal or know how to function in society. i love these books. theyre like xmen and harry potter combined. but no jk rowling so win

[thechrissyeollie]

The Proust Questionnaire

The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature.

tagged by @thechrissyeollie

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? Heaven

2. What is your greatest fear? Turning into a dark entity it's probably not possible but I feel like that would be a sad pathetic existence

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?I don't forgive but I do forget

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others? Guess I steer away from people who aren't honest with themselves

5. Which living person do you most admire? The being whom I wrote down for this answer died before I could finish this. Such a beautiful light in this world regardless of his circumstance hope to see him again in a next life or on the other side

6. What is your greatest extravagance? Caffeine

7. What is your current state of mind? Happily miffed

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Temperance right guys?!Cheers!!(chugs whiskey)

9. On what occasion do you lie? When I say I'm going to do something then don't

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance? Wish I could dress sexier than this but I'm afraid I'll cause more heart attacks

11. Which living person do you most despise? My boyfriend.... since he makes it so hard to hate him

12. What is the quality you most like in a man? Freaks

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman? Weirdos

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse? Wash your hands

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life? My daughter

16. When and where were you happiest? Naked in the sprinklers

17. Which talent would you most like to have? Spider whisperer

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Always get called Carrie when I finally snap the earth gets mad along with me things explode disasters happen so I'll be constantly working extra hard to stay calm for everyone's safety which is not easy

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Every time I grab my bindle and move on

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? Nuclear waste so I can live forever!

21. Where would you most like to live? Inside Mt.Shasta but they wont let me in

22. What is your most treasured possession? The roof over my head

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? I can pull through all sorts of mayhem but there's nothing like some family gathering that has the power to send me into a life altering spiral

24. What is your favorite occupation? Liked all the jobs I've had over time but enjoyed working at the cemetery the most

25. What is your most marked characteristic? Curious

26. What do you most value in your friends? We must have each others backs

27. Who are your favorite writers? Ghost writers

28. Who is your hero of fiction? Rainbowbrite

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with? Don't know if this counts but I've always felt like I am some sort of cyclops trapped inside this cute little body

30. Who are your heroes in real life? My cat Bell is a savior found him at the worst time he just sat in the palm of my hand oinking like a pig

31. What are your favorite names? The whimsical ones

32. What is it that you most dislike?  Divide and conquer

33. What is your greatest regret? Doing the right thing then it turns out not to be

34. How would you like to die? In a way where my loved ones get a big cash payout

35. What is your motto? "Let's have this is a shitty day party"

tagging @inspiritjun @belljiji @sweetpeaches-and-snowypearflower @kmusicistheshit aka @velummortis @infinitebearfoxdahae89 @sunny-is-the-sun @moonflowerglowing @solrason @maylacute @heavensoft @mysticallion @the-stygian-witch @poobearwish @dlgnns @wonhOz @endof-vanity @hhuta @cupkud @yeolah @forevamsoo

[andthebubbles]

2023 Fic Year in Review

thank you for tagging me @smooth-boob 🥺

(So I assume all the questions refer to fics completed in 2023?)

List of Fics Completed this Year

Through Life and Death (and In Between) (simi)

The Ghost in These Halls (anthony angst, some a&b)

Benedict's Apothecary (a&b and some c)

Breathe (a&b)

A Is for Annoying (a&b)

Benedict with sideburns (a&b)

Benedict teaching Anthony how to paint, and Anthony teaching him how to do household accounts (a&b)

Missing scene from 1x04 (anthony and violet)

A fic where Colin argues with Anthony about going on a Grand Tour rather than going to Oxford (a and c)

A oneshot from the cfs!Anthony fic universe... (a and c)

That nd!anthony fic which i posted and had up for a few hours and then put on private

(Er... then I found more fics...)

(stff245) suicidal Anthony at Christmas (damn I should've posted this at xmas lol, it's just where Violet is drunk and yells at him and says she wishes it had been Anthony who had died rather than Edmund)

(stff246) more suicidal Anthony

(Um... I could post those last two actually maybe (though it would be fun to post the xmas one at xmas)... also they made me realise that my more recent a&b short fics are shit lmfao (hopefully that doesn't also apply to a/b fic........ i mean, maybe that one's safe because it's also anthony angst, although of a different sort (i should write more anthony (+ family) angst... (or I should stop posting shitty fics))))

Number of Words Written

This is for non-WIPs I presume and only for the fics I completed in 2023. 17260 unless I miscalculated.

Your Most Popular Fic

The Ghost in These Halls

Your Personal Fave

The Ghost in These Halls

Your Fave Scene

...I don't think I have one. Not from the fics that were completed in 2023 anyway.

A Fic or Scene that Challenged You

The first section of The Ghost in These Halls, I rewrote that so many times (the bit where Violet starts laying into him). Also, the second section with Benedict... towards the end of it when they're berating each other, that took a while to get out (I kept leaving it for later and coming back to it when I was inspired, and just slowly kept chipping away at it)

A Line of Writing You’re Proud Of

I have more in the WIPs/abandoned fics lmao. ffs. (like, the time loop fic where anthony attempts suicide again and benedict walks in on him/watches him die... and the cfs fic where anthony comforts daphne (and colin and benedict are there too)... and that one line from the madhouse fic about the vase of water shattering a rainbow on the wall... OH and how could i forget that paragraph from the ~benedict the artist -fic)

But uh. Actually I found one, from a fic I haven't posted (yet?); I just saw it again tonight so it feels fresh (he = Anthony, ofc):

The sunlit meadows of his childhood turn to ash, the treehouse is rotting and crumbling beneath his feet, his father sighs and looks down at him in disappointment, his mother levels him with an accusing stare. And he’s only fifteen, six, ten, four; these are his first memories and this is how it’s always been; his brothers and sisters have always hated him, he’s always been a tyrant, he’s always made them unhappy, he’s never really belonged.

A Comment that Touched You

All the lovely comments I got in 2023 on sebis fic! Holy shit. Every time I get a new nice one, it just makes my day, Which, for me, means I am happy for at most an hour, because I'm generally a miserable person, unfortunately.

Also, the nice comments on The Ghost in These Halls were lovely too. Except for that one iffy did-you-actually-like-the-fic-or-not comment

Something that Inspired Your Writing

Anthonyyyy. Anthony + angst (Anthony and Violet, Anthony and family...). Anthony and Benedictttttt

Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):

Probably the Ghost in These Halls. It's the only fic (so far?) where I wrote the sections out of order. Also, I guess getting my head around Anthony is a nice accomplishment, because it let me write the Ghost in These Halls.

For the uh WIP fics, proudest accomplishment would be writing so much goddamn smut and actually being told that it's hot?????? eyyyy. good achievement for someone who's either (panromantic) ace or a lesbian

Do You Have Any Writing Goals for Next Year?

Yeah. Keep writing a/b fic :3 And fucking get back to the ~benedict the artist -fic.

As for... improving my writing... I feel like I can get rambly. Or make things very long, somehow. Like a/b fic. But that's also just pure indulgence on my part... I don't want that fic to end 🥺 (When else am I gonna have such a good setup where I can have my cake AND eat it? (aka have anthony/benedict as a normal couple with class differences to overcome and then them finding out that they're brothers and then i get to explore the incest side of it LMAO))

Uh also... I want to learn/remember that 1. when you're tired, you should stop pointlessly poking at the fic and you may think everything is bad/wrong when it's not, and 2. I feel like I need to learn the difference between what I want to see in an upcoming section vs what I want to cover in an upcoming section in a plot-relevant way. Because... I did a checklist of things I needed to cover for sebis fic, and it worked so well, so I've sorta been doing that for other fics, but now I'm starting to think that maybe the checklist only works if you have some plot points to cover (like sebis fic did), whereas e.g. if you want a certain thing to happen at this point in the story (e.g. something specific you want in a smut scene, or ... you want benedict to give anthony one of his poetry notebooks ~right now in the upcoming scene for example)... then maybe it isn't so good because you're trying to force the characters to do something that they're not ready to do instead of listening to what they want to do. Idk. I'm still sorting this out in my head.

Anyway.

Tagging @lucktofate @suspendingtime @wolfsbanesbite @effervescentdragon @4xmulti21champion and anyone else who wants to do it~!

[doodlegirl1998]

Also have you notice how shitty characters that hinder Izu or want to hurt him or others look like bk?

First user- didn't want to work with Izu for reasons we won't get. Yoichi had to implore (this makes me so mad, even more with you yaoi ships going "🥰new ship" like guys...this asshole is refusing to work with Izu😒just like a certain someone) and treated him like a mule, like "do it or die" wtf?

BK- tried to kill him. Suicide bait him, refused to work with him bc of course! And calls Izu useless ( ruined class A1 by convincing them to corner Izu. Cemeting Izu has no friends)

Muscular- villain but Izu beat him (with a quirk that Hori made destroy is bones for some reason)

AFO- he is looking like bk now.

This means absolutely nothing for Hori but come on...

Hi @mikeellee 👋

Kind of?

Honestly, I can sort of see it (especially between Muscular, Second and Bakugou) with the red eyes theme linking the four but not so much similarity with AFO and Bakugou.

The Second User... This guy had the potential to be interesting but his actions in not wanting to work with Izuku were PETTY. (Could have been interesting if this guy was a traitor to AFO like how Yuuga went against AFO. Could have also been interesting if this guys reluctance to work with Izu was down to DFO reasons.- But... No.) This guy is a plot device, a pretty flat and pathetic one at that.

Muscular - haha! This guy is so similar to Bakugou that I bet Hori basically went 'what if Bakugou became a villain ' and out popped this guy. It is super weird how he looks like Bakugou - I wonder if that's meant to say anything... I just wish Hori would let Izuku K.o Bakugou the same way he did to Muscular the second time.

Bakugou - you know what I think of him. He is complete scum. Should have had his ass in jail and taken straight out of UA for the things he's done to Izuku.

AFO - I'm not really seeing the similarity (except in the one where he's grinning maniacally at AM - and doesn't that say something about Bakugou? He mirrors the worst villains manic expressions right when AFO is gearing up to try and kill someone.)

[antisociallilbrat]

Some Byerson perhaps. I'm love them your honor

I got you Rose. This was actually my first time writing from Dustin's perspective so I hope I did okay. I also hope this ficlet isn't as boring as I feel it is.

Once a year the University likes to host this big fancy party that includes all the departments. From the sciences to the literature to the math to the history department. Each department also has a ‘representative’ to say some sort of dumb speech. 

This is how Dustin finds himself in an uncomfortable suit and tries to quell his nerves. He’s a charming guy, he knows, but this crowd is huge compared to any he’s talked to before and he’s worried about making a fool of himself. But he’s Dustin Henderson he reminds himself, even if he makes a fool of himself it’s just part of his charming character.

The history department’s representative was fumbling over her speech and she was miserably trying to wrap it up and he felt pity for her. Well, he’ll at least do better than that. 

Before he knows it, it’s his turn in front of the podium, standing in front of about five hundred people. He makes a joke out of it, “I can’t believe they’ve managed to round up this many people and force them to listen to my boring speech.”

The crowd gives him muted laughter which is more than he could hope for. He’s the last presenter and everyone is eager for the actual party to begin. The food from the buffet is starting to smell enticing.

His speech drones on, thanking all the people he needs to thank, and talking praise about the department’s professors- even the shitty ones. 

There’s a guy in the crowd near the front that his eyes keep landing on. He’s cute with his brown suit and he smiles at him every time their eyes meet. He would dare say that he makes his heart ‘flutter’. 

At some point, it feels like he’s just talking to the guy. He’s given up on trying to make his eyes roam the room and just enjoys the private smiles they share. There’s just something about him that makes him have Dustin’s full attention. He’s talking about what the science department plans to accomplish this year but instead, he wishes he was telling this guy how pretty his eyes are. 

His speech comes to an end and runs into one of his professors who congratulates him, “Mr. Henderson you did exceptionally out there,” he praises. 

“Yeah thanks, P. Rocker, it was pretty easy,” he’s not trying to be rude but he doesn’t exactly hide the way he looks around his professor, seeking out the guy from the crowd.

His professor picks up on his distracted behavior, “You good Mr. Henderson? Are you expecting to see someone?”

It’s then that Dustin finds the guy again…leaving the hall and heading towards the dance floor, “Yes- sorta, kinda. I have to go, talk to you later P. Rocker!” he yells over his shoulder as he brushes past him. 

The ‘dance’ area is an open space filled with people. Those who choose not to eat came here. This is a fancy party so it’s a lot of stiff dancing, the students biding their time till the professors have had enough to drink that they can actually dance. 

He can’t find the guy at first and starts to worry that maybe he missed his chance. Maybe he could ask around but he doesn’t even know what department the guy belongs to. 

Feeling dejected he makes his way to the punch bowl, feeling more disappointed when he realizes it isn’t spiked yet. He leans against the wall watching the crowd, he’ll probably just leave soon and go back to his dorm to his cat.  

That’s what he’ll do. As he’s leaving this stupid event, ready to take this uncomfortable collar off, someone knocks into his back. His punch splatters against the front of his rented suit.

“I’m so sorry!” someone says right as he turns around. 

The curse words die on his tongue as he realizes it was the guy from the crowd who knocked in to him. He runs a hand through his hair and ignores his soaked front, “No big deal, the color red has always suited me.”

The guy gives him the most unimpressed look but eventually smiles, “Come on, let me help you get this stain out.

“We just met and you’re already leading me to the bathroom, wow. Don’t you at least want to know my name?”

“It’s Dustin,” he says, turning on his heel, “You said it during your speech.”

“Oh yeah…Do I get to know yours then?”

The guy tosses him a smile over his shoulder, “It’s Will, now come on, that stain won’t get it out itself!” 

A couple of months later when they’re dating Dustin learns Will knocked in to him on purpose because he didn’t know how else to approach him. Dustin had to eat the cost of the rented suit but he doesn’t regret it for a minute. 

Requests are tentatively open

[kaijuposting]

As someone who was raised with shitty religious beliefs, as someone who basically had to deprogram themself, as someone who made a choice to be kind and supportive to people who got out of cults, I loathe the idea that once people join the Precursors, hivemind, or whatever, their lives are essentially over, that even if they do escape they still have to die because... reasons. It bugged me when it happened to Brina Travis in Pacific Rim: The Black, and I'm not exactly thrilled to see Steven DeKnight tweeting how he'd love to do it with Newt Geiszler.

As a queer person, I really extra hate the idea of a queer character getting literally taken over by aliens, and then having to die to "atone" for something he wasn't even responsible for. It's a gross failure to understand the concept of culpability, which is a key element in any sort of fair justice system; which makes it one of the shittiest reasons to kill a queer character ever. (Of course, it's a shitty reason to kill any character.)

It kinda makes me wonder how Steven DeKnight sees a person like me, a person who worked hard to get out of some awful bullshit, who occasionally still struggles with things I never asked to be put into my brain - what does he think of my existence? Does he think I need to "atone" for things I had no control over?

I wish I could get people like DeKnight to understand that stories about gay characters like this aren't deep; they're just heartless. They're not profound; they just send an awful message about who needs to die so the rest of society can live.

My fanfics feature a number of people who work with the Precursors/Masters, and I have very deliberately chosen to depict them as people who joined their side for very human reasons. They're there for the same reason anyone might be in a cult, whether that cult is religious, financial, or whathaveyou. Some of them are more complicit in doing harm than others. Some will never give up the cause, and would therefore never be safe to let loose in society at large. There are others in my fanfic world who will one day realize that they were basically scammed, leave the cult, and live with the regret of having chosen a wrong side. I they have a lot of reparations to do. But I also believe that self-improvement is a human right.

And I suppose it goes without saying that my fics feature a lot of queer people who get up to all kinds of shenanigans and also live, because fuck you is why. Hell, I have an OC who figured out how to psychically connect with the hivemind, chatted with the Precursors/Masters, and figured out on his own that they were kinda full of shit, because sometimes you talk to somebody offering you something awesome and you realize that things don't add up.

I'm just... tired tonight, and I'm so tired of queer people and abuse survivors getting thrown under the bus for cheap Hollywood drama.

[jungkookienoona]

Total Eclipse Final Part

Recommended Song: Through The Night by IU

|Chapters|Masterlist|

Summary:

After a fateful day in an Egyptian tomb, things have never been the same for Jungkook, or you, after a certain vengeful god decided to make him its fist.

Genre: Angst, Actiony, Romance, F2L UWU

Pairing: Moon Knight!Jungkook X Reader (Y/N)

Warnings: Swearing, Violence, Blood, Death of Major and Minor Characters. Body Horror. Talk of what its like to die. SMUT. Gore.

Word Count: 835

Note:Jungkook will not be having DID in this fic. Khonshu has had many avatars over the millenia and I’m pretty sure Marc is the only one that has DID. Although there will be some slight overlap between Marc and Jungkook such as mercenary work.

I apologise for my shitty photoshop, my partner who does freelance design tried to help. Needless to say photoshoping is hard. In fact other than Jungkook, my partner did this whole little banner.

Sorry this took so long! Between multiple pet deaths, work and stress, I couldn't bring myself to write. It's sort but I hope its good enough.

With a new deity in the mix, a new rhythm of the day came into play. Since Jungkook promised the gods that he’d do anything when pleading for your resurrection, Hathor took to renegotiating his deal with Khonshu. If he was going to serve her wishes, he needed days of freedom from Khonshu’s demand. The vengeful god wasn’t too pleased but relented to his elder cousin. And how does one serve the goddess of joy, love, sexuality, fate and transition into the afterlife? Apparently by being with you, either just spending the day together or he would help you shepherd lost souls to the Duat. 

Which meant yes, you could see ghosts, and because Khonshu considered ghosts to be travellers of the night, so could Jungkook. It was a shock to your system when you returned to your flat to see your dad’s spirit there, worried sick in the trashed space. 

“Oh, Y/N, thank the gods you’re alright!”

He wrapped his arms around you in an embrace that you could surprisingly feel. But you were quick to return it which seemed to shock him too.

“I never thought I’d see you again,” you whispered into his shoulder.

“As if I’d ever leave you behind. I’ve always tried to be by your side when I could. And when Jungkook spoke to me, I knew I could rely on him to take care of you in my place. And whenever I needed him, I would feel this pull that would take me right to him.”

Jungkook cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“So that’s how you were always there when I had my nightmares?”

“Yeah… you could say it's a perk of being ‘The guardian of those who travel at night’. Didn’t quite like leaving you alone knowing that… you were still haunted by what happened.”

Your father cupped your face, you could feel the calluses on his fingers. You never thought you would get to welcome their roughness again. 

“My little digger is all grown up now, but I won’t know peace until I know you are safe and happy.”

You chuckled drily, “As long as I’m an avatar to a god, I don’t think I’ll ever be truly either of those.”

Your dad pinched your nose like he would when you were small, “You will be. A year or two of serving and you should be able to negotiate your freedom.”

Jungkook looked sceptical, “And how do you know this?”

“Well, in my line of work you sometimes stumbled across little tales in the glyphs that didn’t seem… significant. Not quite grand enough to be a religious text and not mundane enough to be a day in the life. Little fragmented tales of people being selected to serve the gods, almost like a priesthood, yet the duties not quite aligning with what was already known. And from what I remember of the fragments, no god ever keeps its chosen priest for a lifetime. If the priest wished to return to his prior life, he could. Only the truly devoted served for decades.”

“That’s a really convenient bit of info. Thanks dad.”

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Days were spent fixing up your trashed flat, salvaging what you could to take back to the house. Furniture was mostly ruined but your clothes were intact. Framed pictures needed reframing and your laptop had seen better days. But it still turned on which meant the contents could still be backed up onto a hard drive. 

Jungkook didn’t have too much at your flat since he had been crashing on your sofa, nowhere for him to really put his stuff. He helped you to repaint the walls and repair any noticeable damage from the cult members who broke in. It felt very domestic. You felt Hathor purring in the back of your mind from your content. Jungkook also helped psyche you up to cancel your rent contract. You visibly winced at the cancellation fee as you had to pay off the remaining months of your contract. It wasn’t easy to part with that kind of money, but moving into Jungkook’s safe house meant you didn’t have to pay rent anymore, which saved you money in the long run. 

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It was odd to be honest, falling asleep in Jungkook’s arms on his nights off from avataring. It was too peaceful, his steady heartbeat would lull you into a slumber that you used to try and delay. Memories of Egypt no longer stalked your dreams, though sometimes you would wake with a start when phantom claws touched your neck. And unlike before, Jungkook was no longer there wide awake to comfort you. No, it would be a groggy sort of comfort, a half awake murmur, as he pulled you back into him to lazily card his fingers through your hair and his other hand thumbed your hip. A soft kiss to your forehead as if that would banish what had woken you.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you. Now and always.”

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