#is that. ive run out of notebooks???? to start a new story in. and i am Old and i only outline stuff by hand

[katabay]

L'APPEL DU VIDE

okay so. jack! jack. what a collection of guys. the overlap between jack and the beanstalk and jack the giant killer, though. that sure is something! sometimes king arthur is there, which always takes me by surprise.

this. specifically. is an idea I've been kicking around. jack and the beanstalk is not a story I've ever enjoyed, as a kid it was probably my least favorite to read. as an adult, I was INTENSELY fascinated by reading j.g. ballard's the drowned giant. I think about it frequently, and somewhere during a re read of it, I ended up revisiting jack.

combining different versions of jack into one character is not a new concept, but it IS a fun one! the version I've been assembling together plays less with the fun elements of a jack story (and adjacent folklore stories), and focuses more on the potential for tragic elements with the addition of the usual grim and jagged narrative edges that I personally enjoy.

jack with the backstory of the devil and the three golden hairs, only jack doesn't find love, he's TIRED, all he wants to do is go home, but there isn't a home to go back to. what is the point of being born lucky if this is what it gets you? jack the giant killer, only he doesn't want to kill giants, jack who saw a body of a giant when he was a small child and cannot bring himself to do as a king commands. jack, who climbs up the beanstalk and stops halfway to look down. etc.

to go back to the drowned giant real quick, both to set the tone about jack seeing the body of a giant as a youth, and also because I've been haunted and obsessed with this excerpt of it ever since I read it:

J. G. Ballard, The Drowned Giant

anyway! this was originally like, a two illustration concept to get out of my system. however. I'm halfway through outlining a narrative. so. maybe it will also be several illustrations and also comic.

bsky ⭐ pixiv ⭐ pillowfort ⭐ cohost

[i-sveikata]

Hello! How are you? I have a few questions🥹

While writing, what challenges/challenged you the most? And is there anything that you are struggling to deal with especially in writing different povs?

Do you have any advice to new authors (like me) what should we avoid especially while creating a new world/au for readers?

Hello there!!!

ohh very good question!! i guess probably trying to find the time to write when you can and balancing your creative cup? if you let it overflow then youre itching to get the words out which makes it hard when youre not always in the right location or setting to write or if it goes the opposite way when you let your cup run empty and then your creative energy isn't going to flow until you take that much needed break and replenish yourself first.

im at a point now where i really dont feel that i struggle with writing (which is such an unhelpful thing to say i know) but this comes from me writing ever since i was a small kid where its such an intrinsic part of me now that i can very easily get into that state of flow where im not conscious of what im doing as i write.

for the changing POVs though its just like adjusting to any new kind of change really i am bit conscious of writing in another POV and my potential word choices etc but even that is something that falls away the more you write in the POV youre trying to dive into

my genuine advice for any kind of aspiring author is to read. i know that seems kind of opposite to writing but it's really so important to develop your own kind of voice as a reader. the more you read the more you get a feel and idea for books that you found delightful to read and experience as well as books that you maybe didnt enjoy as much or there were parts of the story that didnt work for you. the more you develop an understanding of the medium as someone who also partakes in it the easier it is to apply when you might come into trying to create for yourself. because the way i see it is you are writing for yourself essentially and it may or may not be something that you share with others but it always starts with you first.

hmmm i would say that for creating a new world/ au its less important about getting bogged down in the lore/ make up of the world and all of its rules rather than in the writing of it. because if you sit there with a separate notebook writing down every single detail that you think needs to be in the world youre creating then youre still not writing the world if that makes sense? like its an easy way to procrastinate/ distract from the actual writing itself. and ive found personally that when i am building new worlds as im writing the rules and worldbuilding come in along with the story and inspiration follows in lockstep with the narrative that youre creating rather then transposing it in later.

i would also say dont be focused on the quality of the writing itself. like dont come in expecting that youre going to write a masterpiece from the jump. that might be the case for some magical people but it's not usually how it works!!! so you cant be afraid to write badly because that's how you learn and that's how you improve.

i hope this is somewhat helpful but feel free to ask more questions too!

[pikawarrior]

Welcome back to reaper talks bitches, i just finished my first playthrough of Shadows Over Loathing and have already started on my second and

Oh.

My.

Gods.

I fucking love this game. I mean its made by the people who made of my favorite games ever, West of Loathing so yeah im gonna enjoy it.

But this, this is new, this limits me in sooo many different ways but also opens up the game in ways i couldnt have imagined

[Alot of spoiler filled ramblings of a mad man slightly broken by a weird time/dimension loop that are only vaguely understandable under the cut]

Okay first off, not picking you class right at the very very start is great weirdly enough, atleast for me.

It gave me time to see the world through the basic unfiltered lens of someone who has an idea whats to come cuz of me playing the previous game but also no clue as the game hasnt given me any story yet.

Literally, it starts off with you having a copy of LOOK magazine on your face. You also get to really choose your look or well hair situation mainly, you're a stick person hair and accessories are all you got and its early game soooo

But anygays, it doesnt give you story till thr bus ride and even then you dont know your class or if there will even be classes!

I choose pigskinner or whatever my head is running at a million miles per hour rn cuz this hyperfixation is really new and free so double the speed of thoughts

And yeah i could have tried something new especially since 2 out of my 3 wol saves were that game's pigskinner class (cow puncher(?)) But come on, i like my familiar class also i suck as magic/effect heavy builds outside of my spamming of stuff like bleed or on fire

But anygays, the uncursing stuff is super fun tho pretty confusing. Thankfully you cant mess them up to my knowledge, they really test you puzzle skilss and you remembering that most things in this game are interactable (very very important)

Also omg i love any chance to piss a narrator and there are some great ones, the main ones that i can remember rn is the one about you working at all these different places and even being employee of the month despite you either being super young or not born at that time. And the one about you digging wet globs of hair out of sinks, mainly at frat houses. Gross i know, but i fucking dug through every single spittoon in wol, nothing can stop me anymore

The narrator def regrets following this dumbass (me) around but they cant leave so HA

But back to the uncursing, the sickle curse was actually super scary. Like that scarecrow was after ME, not the person i was currently in the body of, no he was after ME, my character also nick come on buddy you dont take loans/favors from The Shadows, thats like rule #265, your ass deserved a lawnmowing.

Also wtf i got sent the lawnmower i made with a note that said "see you in 66 years" or something like that. Like HELLO???? WHICH BITCH GOT MY ADDRESS AND WHO WANTS A PIECE OF ME AND MY LAWNMOWER

Seriously the sickle curse was hands down the scariest part of a game ive played in years and ive somewhat play resident evil 7

Also gods i love the to do list, don't get me wrong i loved asking my companions for reminders but this is super convenient and go for when my companion cant you know, accompany me somewhere

Plus being able see everything together and whats a main quest vs a side quest helps. And making my own notes in game helps since i still havent gotta a notebook for my gaming notes yet

Also the whole thing with the mob was great, 10/10 i love being chaotic and getting paid the big bucks for it. Seriously its worth it and theres even some more pacifist options in those quest lines to. Im very much a nice person to my core despite my nature darkness and chaos, so being able to handle things nicely or well with limited blood shed is nice. Also helps with you, like me, tend to avoid battles you dont gotta fight. Its also a nice puzzle sometimes cuz i cant just shove like 9 different thing down my throat and kick ass. Its one potion and one food at a time.

The combat is definitely different but more in a "its harder to be able to wipe everyone out in seconds" then a "heres a whole new system to learn good luck"

In wol its stupidly easy atleast for me to become a lesser god and wipe out half the map basically even during early game. Tho thats mainly cuz of my past experience and cuz i was raised really good and weirdly so my skills work with this-

But in sol the fights are actually pretty tough, i found myself really rationing my items out even in late game but also heavily relying on them and effects

Which btw go fucking on items and stuff that cause effects like bleed and on fire, trust me its actually kinda necessary

Also the last(?) fight (and the optional golem fight) are like stupidly hard even with all tbr help (finale(?)) While the golem is apparently a push over yet also god number two idk im working on it, apparently they didnt play test it and honestly it kinda shows (neutral)

ALSP WTF IS THAT BITCH AT THE FUNAL LIKE HOKY HELL DO NOT BE AFIARD MY ASS THAT A BIBLICALLY ACCURATE ANGEL WITHOUT WINGS RIGHT THERE AND ITS ABOUT TO SEND ME TO HELL PERSONALLY

Also i fucking lost, i can go back but i decided to learn from my mistakes by starting fresh instead of fixing them after they've already been made

AND im gonna help more people, im gonna save those two kids from that monster that haunts their family, im gonna help rufus find my past/other self from the first game, IM GONNA HELP EVERYONE I CAN ESPECIALLY THE ONES I FAILED BEFORE

Reaps now signing off to work on MEP parts see yall in like another 6 months

[atiny-piratequeen]

I need to know - with all of your fics, do you plan/plot it all out?? Or do you just sit and write whatever feels right?? Where do you get your amazing writing skills from????

A mixture of both?

For like, short drabbles i just kinda boop and go. For the longer ones, i do take a lot more time and plan (i have had a notebook where i keep notes for AtT) and i do a lot of research for some of my works for immersion purposes. Ive been writing stories since i was like...10 and its been something thats stayed with me ever since.

Depending on how inspired I am, whole new scenes that were unplanned pop up (hence a running gag Gaia started where I'll say im finished after 3-4 more scenes...and then like 6 hours and 7 scenes later im still not done *wheeze*)

I spent a lot of my life watching anime, reading manga and other comics, and i tend to gravitate towards fantasy media a lot, so when I write, I try to share what I've learned and share how these worlds i make feel to me, with all of you. Sometimes I laugh at myself, yknow. Spending upwards of 20 minutes to a MONTH (shoutout to jongho's chapter of AtT) to research things just for the little details. Sometimes, a lot of it is overlooked and such, but sometimes folks pick up on things or learn things with me through my works while also having an enjoyable time reading, and that's what helps me write in the style that i do.

With all of my works, I want people to feel like they're watching media. Experience it like a movie/show or feel it like its a daydream. I want you to walk away from my works feeling like you can close your eyes and step into it, and I take a lot of time to try and make that real for myself and everyone else.

[maydaymayramble]

my final opinion on Fashion Dreamer as a devoted fan of style savvy

so as my initial deep disappointment started wearing off, i realised that it was unfair of me to immediately compare Fashion Dreamer to the style savvy series so harshly because they are simply not the same! Fashion Dreamer IS co developed by synsophia and it IS a game that revolves around fashion, but otherwise, they’re two completely different games.

you dont have a boutique to run, you dont have any customers to assist, you cant make connections with people and gradually make a name for yourself, you cant improve the community in the setting you live in etc etc. your just an influencer doing vague fashion related tasks and irl “influencer” would do.

tl;dr once i separated the two and started to see Fashion Dreamer as its own game instead a style savvy without any charm i started to really enjoy it for what it is

there’s no real tangible story here at all, only faint goals to achieve very early game and then thats it, and its obvious that they were never going for that in the first place because this isn't style savvy! its a completely new game that only has SynSophia working on in collaboration with another company. im sure if nintendo didn't decline SynSophia's request for another style savvy game on the switch this im sure this conversation would not exist but unfortunately, they did, and now we only have Fashion Dreamer, which serves as a descendant of a successor to the style savvy games.

now that i've managed to separate Fashion Dreamer and style savvy as two completely different games i want to talk about what i actually /like/ about Fashion Dreamer. i was super super disappointed my first time playing not only because i immediately held it to exact same standards as a style savvy game, but also because by itself it felt quite unfinished.

with my very first time playing i felt like after 2 hours or so i had already seen all the game had to offer. and while i wasn’t wrong and the gameplay just had to grow on me, still i wasn’t all that motivated with the goals you had to complete or the rewards it gave you. it also doesn’t help that there isn’t anything all that challenging about creating lookits for other muses, or any way to fail them.

yes, you have to create lookits to get epoints to make more clothes for your brand and level up so you can unlock even more clothes for your brand but ah, that part isnt really all that impressing. its just fine

i can appreciate all the effort that went into the clothes making process though, that’s definitely the most impressive part of this game. i’d say its the most impressive thing out of all the fashion games ive ever played. i have soo much fun making my own clothes! as an artist i feel like my creativity has no limits and i can literally make whatever i want, however i imagine it. for me, this one amazing feature alone is enough to carry the rest of the games mediocrity.

once i have an idea for a piece of clothing i think would look nice, i can just take out FD and create what i thought of immediately. even though i forgot about it for so long, for a brief period as an adolescent i really really wanted to be fashion designer and this feature reminded me of my silly wish and made me love it all the more

i also like the photo egg stuff, the poses are all super cute and i like the expressions the muses make. im very glad that they put in a scrapbook feature that allows you to save specific ensembles (that and no way to filter clothes by color were probably my biggest complaint) i already have a bunch of outfits saved in my notebooks that i absolutely adore. i do wish they were prettier backgrounds for notebooks though

and the event stuff.. is just fine. it's not the worst thing in the world, i enjoy creating outfits for character or player muses out of all but it also isnt that fun. a little grindy and annoying, but just fine. if this game had a story or plotline to follow i think i would be able to enjoy it alot more maybe? running around cocoons doing vague influencer-like tasks just isnt all that engaging for me.

the last thing i'd like to say about FD is that i actually do get happy when ppl like my stuff. like wow, they actually like my product! it does make me kinda feel like i do have a semi successful brand that people are paying attention to. ofc most of my reasons for designing clothes is because i was inspired too, but getting those fake like notifications make me want to display them just in case others would like them too.

in conclusion, all of this to say what exactly?? i enjoy Fashion Dreamer now! i like it quite a lot, i find it enjoyable and satisfying, and it scratches those fashion related itches ive been having but didn't know how to make them go away. i really love being able to create clothes exactly how i imagine them, and i enjoy being able to dress my oc's up so prettily and accurately. i also really enjoy the overall art direction of this game, the backgrounds really caught my eye and they all stand out individually in my mind.

im not 100% sure but i think FD is popular in japan? which makes me happy because i know overseas and english speaking fans of style savvy really dislike this game, especially upon initial release. i was one of them but now i can say i dont hate this game at all anymore. once i stopped comparing everything to style savvy, for what it is, is just fine. the reason why i made this long ass post in the first place was because FD already gets SOO much hate online from everyone, and i think its a little unwarranted. if this me talking about everything i dislike about FD this post would probably be much longer lmao, but i didnt want to add to all the flack it gets. if you stopped playing after a few hours like i did i'd say its definitely worth a second chance! just see it for what it is and you'll have a much better time

[elles-writing]

Dragon Heart - IV.

Taglist: @guardianofrivendell @anjhope1 @legolasoftherings @kumqu4t @grunid @elvish-sky @artsywaterlily @alexloveskili

If you want to be added to tag list, send me a message or comment please.

Warnings/triggers: -

She looked over at Bilbo, who was stirring, and decided it would be a good idea to prepare him a cup of warm tea with some honey and milk. Y/N remembered Bilbo loved this as a child.

So, her next steps took her to the hobbit's kitchen.

Before she stepped inside, Y/N noticed one - perhaps from the older ones - dwarf, who prepared a steaming cup of tea already.

The dwarf didn't seemed to trust her - of course - but his eyes little softened, because she knew Gandalf and Bilbo.

"What tea is that?" Y/N asked instead, genuiely interested.

"Charmomile, for Master Baggins." Y/N hummed and the dwarf quickly left the little hobbit kitchen. You looked around, more concentrated this time. Then, you looked over the hall, pantry, and living room, where was Bilbo, Gandalf and some of the dwarves.

Baggins', now Bilbo's house, has never been un-practical. Maybe for Y/N by it's size, but other than that, there was everything one would need for life.

When Bilbo catched her eyes, Y/N could clearly see he was uncomfortable, upset and absolutely, absolutely done with the subject.

The dwarves.

But most importantly...

Gandalf.

You shrugged, and decided to leave him his burglar-not-burglar game. Bilbo would not be patient forever, but he was mannered and clever enough to know what to do. You were sure the hobbit would feel his Took side with desire for an adventure again.

And take his chance to escape Sackville-Baginses.

As you walked around, you noticed some of the pictures. They seemed to be new - or at least you didn't remembered them.

You walked closer, and stepped on something. You looked down, and noticed it was a dagger. You've never seen the design before, but assumed it must be one of the dwarves'. You picked it up and studied it, when you overheard a voice next to you.

"Careful with this, it's been just sharpened." You turned to see a blonde, blue-eyed dwarf, with braided moustache. He seemed to have the same twinkle in his eyes as Kili.

"I can handle sharp things," Y/N said and looked back at the knife.

"It's nice. Not too light, but not as heavy either." Y/N was thinking aloud. She completely forgot the dwarf next to her, as she studied the dagger.

"You know Master Baggins," He suddenly said. Y/N turned to him.

What the-did he just-

"I do," You nodded, and placed the dagger to his hand.

What the-no, he just didn't-

"You don't look like you are related," he continued.

"That's because we aren't." You ended the topic. Instead, it was your time to ask.

"Who are you?"

"Fili, at your service m'lady," he gently took your hand and kissed the back of your hand, his eyes not leaving yours.

"Y/N, at yours...Fili," You said.

"Oh, Y/N, can I-can I talk to you, for a second?" Bilbo came and you gladly walked aside with him, while Fili send you a wink.

"Bilbo, to answer some of your questions - no, I didn't knew-"

"I'm not talking about the, the dwarves," Bilbo looked over the room with frown on his face.

"Then what is it, my little friend?" You said quietly in attempt to brighten up the situation. Bilbo was almost adorable with frowned pouty face, hands folded on his chest, patting the floor with his foot...only if you could stand straight in his house. Your back thought the size of his house was not adorable at all.

"Well, um...did Gandalf told you to bring them along?" You looked at him with scrunched face, and rolled your eyes.

"I wouldn't be coming if I knew there were dwarves involved. So, if anything, I share your unpopular opinion." And ruffled his hair. He jumped up.

"I'm not a little hobbit anymore, you don't have to do this," Bilbo said through gritted teeth, and you grinned.

"Well, you still are kind of little," You teased him futher, until a dwarf with sharp blue eyes, long, dark hair, and the biggest grumpy and pouty face you've ever seen (not even Bilbo could do that, when he was angy little hobbit).

That dwarf shot you a glare, and also to Bilbo, who was taken aside by him and Gandalf, again.

You felt sorry for Bilbo.

When he was free, you overheard him muttering something about 'surely not going', 'not going anywhere', 'wizards', and so on. You decided to go to sleep, because all of the dwarves were asleep already, and you needed to be up early.

You woken up quickly. The first thing you've heard was the snoring. You scrunched your face, and quickly packed your things. Then, you walked out of Bag End, and decided to wait for them there.

The sunrise was nice time, especially to prepare your horse for the day.

"Shh," you cooed her quietly. It was beautiful mare, tall, and very, very clever.

"It will be okay. We will find dad, and we will go away, to live far away...everything is going to be just fine," You muttered.

"You ready?" Kili stood next to you with a grin on his face. You jumped up a little.

"I am." You said, and noticed Kili's expression as he looked at your horse. You let out a laugh.

"You've never seen a horse before?" Kili walked back a little.

"Not really," he said and you noticed his blushed cheeks.

"Kili!" You both looked over to Fili, standing between two ponies, who called him.

-

"Do you think Bilbo will come?" Kili asked you.

"That hobbit won't show up," Balin said. He was on his pony next to Kili, so he thought he talked to him.

"It's no surprise. Why would Master Baggins leave his home," Thorin (as was the grumpy dwarf named) said.

"I wouldn't understimate hobbits, and especially not Master Baggins," Gandalf said as he smoked his pipe.

"I am sure he is going to come," He said.

And that's when the bet started.

-

It wasn't even five minutes after you left Shire, when you overheard Bilbo's voice in the distance.

"Waaait!"

You looked over to Gandalf, who was hiding a laugh.

"You planned this?" You quietly asked and motioned to the hobbit, who was breathing heavily.

"Well, perhaps," he said, and you scoffed a little and shook your head, as the dwarves seated Bilbo on his pony.

-

The day was beautiful. It was actually quite warm, just warm so you could put down your cloak.

As the evening was approaching, and the sun was setting into palette of gold and velvet, and the sky was getting darker, Thorin decided it was time to set up camp. After a quick argument with Gandalf, the wizard left to seek company of himself. So, there was nothing easier, than to just finding the best place to place your bedroll.

You, Fili and Kili were on first watch. You laid down on your bedroll, and watched the stars. It was cloudless night, plus the crackling sound of fire, and smell of fresh night air was relaxing.

Bilbo was just coming back from his pony, when a sound in distance made him freeze.

"W-what was that?" He pointed to the distance, while looking at Kili.

"Orcs," he said in low, deep voice. You sat up. Bilbo had a part of Took in himself, but he was not that much of a Took.

"There is going to be plenty of those," Fili said, and, obviously, Kili continued.

"They come at night, no screams, just lots of blood," He looked at Bilbo, and the shadows in his face, along with his deep and low voice made it come out horribly scary. Him and Fili started chuckling, but you sighed.

"The way you two snore would make them run for hills, so I wouldn't be that worried," You said, and noticed Bilbo to relax by the corner of your eye.

Kili looked over at you. You pulled out book from your pack. He quickly recognized it, even in the darkness of the night. It was that book you flipped through back in Bag End.

You sat comfortably down, and looked over the illustrations on the pages, and softly touched them.

"What is the book you are reading about, lassie?" Balin asked. You didn't looked up.

"It's a book with tales and stories my...father wrote down," you answered.

"He used to read them to me," you shrugged.

"Would you read some of them-ow, what was that for?!" Kili whisper-yelled at his brother, who chuckled.

"You're a child, Kee," He muttered to himself, and Kili pouted. But Fili was curious as well, which Kili didn't needed to know.

"Well...this one," You flipped a few pages futher.

"This one is called Strange thief and the stars," Y/N comfortably sat and started reading.

"There was once a man. He wasn't very known by name, but by his eyes. His eyes, deep and dark, with sparkles, reminding of stars. Nobody has ever seen eyes like this before, and people were whispering he has stars themselves in his eyes," You slid the tips of your fingers over the drawing, remembering the precision your father has made into repairing them.

"Many women tried to grab his attention, but anytime they didn't sucsceeded, the sparks in their eyes were less visible, but in his as well. And that is why men has decided to call him 'the thief of stars', or a 'strange thief of stars'. He was wandering through the lands, until he found what, as he realized, was looking for,"

"What happened next?" Bilbo asked.

"That girl didn't want to talk to him. She was very kind and caring, but not naive. One day, however, she found a dragon. Big dragon, who seemed scary, but saved her from orcs. The beast's eyes reminded her of someone, yet she didn't knew of whom." You realized everyone was quiet, listening to you, as you spoken.

"The next day, she met the man. He runned into her, in a rush, in a fear - and asked her "Did you see the dragon too?". The young maiden nodded, and helped him to get to safety, as he was very nervous and scared. Since that day, they became closer and closer. One day, when a few years passed, her father - an old, wise and kind man - said, his daughter will marry someone, who gives her something very special. The young man came the next day in their house they lived in. He said," you flipped the page.

" 'I do not have much to offer - gold, silver, or gems - but I do have this," he took out a notebook out of his coat, and offered it. The girl's father took the notebook, and opened it. It was full of drawings of flowers, animals and people - but mainly of one special maiden, when she was laughing, collecting flowers, brushing her hair, cooking, reading...When she came there, and looked throught the book, her father looked at her, and she nodded. So, he looked deeply into the young man's eyes, and said 'She chose you.' "

You finished the story, and Kili giggled at how interested his brother was.

"Now who's the child here,"

[keilemlucent]

lavender latte: iv

(T (for now!))

hawks | takami keigo x reader

ao3

chapter 1   ||   chapter 2  ||  chapter 3  ||  chapter 5  ||

word count: 7.7k

sucks when things go south, huh. 

warnings: description of bodily injury, blood, mild? gore (it’s just describing injury), description of overstimulation, capital h and c hurt/comfort

------

chapter 4 :’^) thank u for all of the love so far. i appreciate. every. single. one of. u. bottom of my lil rat heart.

this chapter was nearly split, but giving y’all a cliffhanger seemed mean  

this the turning point and set up for the rest of the story so buckle up and enjoy ;^)

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Things between you and Hawks didn’t change too much, not externally anyways. Both of you still continued to indulge your feelings, even if you desperately tried to ignore them. 

You continued to honestly spoil Hawks in lavish drinks of many sensations. Truthfully, you loved nothing more than seeing his face as he sipped at your new creations, watching the curiosity and pleasure spread over his features made your heart soar in your chest.

And Keigo continued to bask in your company. The drinks were always amazing, but the chatter and discourse between the two of you was what he loved most. Or, maybe it was his learning of you through watching your small gestures and cues. His analytical, interpersonal skills were, for once, being put to a use that didn’t involve espionage or deception.

It felt cleansing.

Despite these quietly greedy interactions, there was a great deal of repression between the two of you. Aimless flirting aside, squishing any growing feelings caused you both a great deal of strain. It worked, avoidance, for a while anyway. It wasn’t without consequences, but they wouldn’t get nasty until later.

 One of the most apparent tolls was Keigo’s physical state. Having to actively ignore and quash his feelings for you caused such a deep amount of emotional turmoil. It made him ache all over. This was in addition to an asinine amount of extra hours he was spending staking out the villain syndicate that was indeed in the neighborhood of the tea shop. 

(He wouldn’t admit it, but he was being overly diligent in scouting out the organization's doings. They were very close to you and your home, and the thought of you getting caught up in anything to do with his profession fucked him up on-premise alone.) 

The combination of both physical and mental exertion made him messier than ever. It physically clouded him a lot of the time. Exhaustion had well and truly seized nipping at his ankles and proceeded to fully rip a chunk from his skull.

Keigo had yet another long day, dawn until at least midnight, no matter his aching body.

He’d be listening in on out some sort of meeting between the villain syndicate and one of its allies, some more reclusive group of villains from the far-off mountains. Neither organization was particularly noteworthy, but they did have some nasty criminal connection that needed to be monitored. That meant a late night for Keigo and an even greater need for caffeine. 

He paid you a visit in the early morning. 

 The moment Hawks came through the door, you lit up, beaming from behind the counter.  

The shop was empty, just having opened a few minutes before he appeared. The only sounds were the hum coffee machines, quiet music, and the tapping of your own tinkerings. Normally, there’d be more bustle, but you were alone in the din of the shop. 

“Hey, angel,” He flashed you a winning smile, sliding down into his usual stool and propping his elbows on the counter. “Where’s the calvary?”

“Oh, the other openers?” You jerked your thumb to the door. “Running late. They all stayed up late working on a project for school, so I took one for the team and am manning the ship alone for this first bit.”

You sighed, looking quite tired yourself.

There was mutual recognition of your twin state, though it wasn’t verbally regarded in any way. 

Hawks was far better at hiding his poor health from you, but that didn’t stop you from seeing the pinholes in his facade. You’d gotten better at it with time. 

“What can I get you today, Hawks? Inspire me.” You set the glass on the counter between the two of you, gesturing to the expanse of the coffeeshop. “It’s just you and me today, so I can go all out.”

“You don’t already?” Hawks chuckled, running a hand through his hair with a sigh.

“I try,” You shrugged. “I really do my best work for you, whether you’re a glorified guinea pig or not. Gotta serve up the best for my best customer.”

On any normal, Hawks would’ve bantered right back at you, keeping you on your toes with quick words and wit.

That day?

He just laughed, something weirdly neutral, almost off-putting because you knew it was manufactured. 

You opened your mouth, brows furrowing. You wanted nothing more than to ask ‘hey, are you alright?’. 

But, that would’ve broken some of your own, mentally-imposed boundaries. It hurt, to just laugh with him, but it was all you would let yourself do. 

“So,” You broke the air with words as opposed to giggles. “What would you like?”

Hawks hummed, “Surprise me.”

“... Like, fully?”

Hawks nodded, slowly. 

 Keigo, in a movement of full vulnerability, (he told himself it would just be for a few minutes), laid his head on his folded arms, “Go wild, angel. I trust you. Make me anything you’re feeling. Wing it, no pun intended.”

 You blinked at him, nodding. His sudden, almost submissive action surprised you. Something in you ached, seeing him so worn down.

You channeled this feeling into a desire to make him top-tier drink. 

Reaching into your apron, you fished out your idea notebook. Many had been crossed off over the many weeks (months now?) that Hawks had been visiting the tea shop. You fairly consistently wrote down new ones, so there were always options, but on that day, none appealed to you.

Your gaze flickered back to Hawks, watching the soft movements of his breath through the tight fabric of the back of his shirt. 

You needed to make it extra good, help shake Hawks from his stupor. 

 You’re gonna wing it.

You’ll make a feel-good drink.

 It was your only self-imposed criteria. 

 You hadn’t ever made Hawks a drink without a concept and feeling beforehand, so the concept of not having one seemed novel.

You activated your quirk and began.

“How’s your day been?” Hawks called from behind you, words muffled.

 Keigo still didn’t look at you; resting on his arms allowed him a little bit of a reprieve before his grueling day. He’d take it. Hearing your voice would make it that much better.

 You described your day with a decent amount of detail for how much it hadn’t gotten started yet. Hamming up the detail meant more time for you to craft the drink. Your mind spun, grasping onto pre-existing, mental abstracts in your oddly calm headspace to create something tangible. 

Though your quirk was activated, you weren’t really identifying a feeling specifically, rather just letting your quirk draw from whatever material you had laying around in your brainscape at 6 AM on a weekday morning.

You pulled as many espresso shots as Hawks usually liked (maximum, five, you refused to give him more than that in a single drink), pouring them into some steamed oatmilk and several other ingredients you had mixed into a cup. You tapped some cinnamon on top of the foam, polishing everything off with a dash of sweet cream.

Carefully, you set it between the two of you. Hawks hadn’t spoken since you had begun to make the drink, so oddly silent. 

It almost made your skin itch, his lack of response. You reminded yourself with quick glances that Hawks was very obviously out of it and exhausted. You were sure that without the concealer he wore under his eyes (a secret he revealed to only you), he’d have purple circles punched from how overworked he was.

You hoped your drink would be enough to brighten up his day. 

You bit your lip as Hawks raised his head, blonde waves more unruly than normal. A small, lopsided smile stretched across his face as he sat up, grabbing the drink and bringing it closer. He had learned long ago to allow them to cool. 

 “Sorry for not being as peppy as I normally am!” It was almost imperceptible, the off-kilter tone in his voice. 

You caught it but said nothing. 

He sheepishly rubbed at the back of his head. “Been running on empty it seems, angel.”

“Then take some fuel, bird boy.” You nodded to the foamy drink. “When are you supposed to be done today?”

“Late, like late. Early morning, probably.” Hawks sighed, taking a sip.

...

As the liquid coated his mouth, Keigo’s mind seized.

 What.

What the fuck.

 Any and all thoughts he had disappeared. They were incinerated from his mind by the drink’s heat. 

A sun-scorching sensation like he’d never even known tore through his body. 

It was so different from the other ‘warm’-toned drinks you’d made him in the past. The flavor and feeling filling him up was nothing like the hearth-like drinks you had made prior. You had treated him to plenty of beverages that felt akin to open flame, warm blankets, a cat purring over your chest, a candle on a cold night—

But, nothing even close to this.

This was such a strong feeling that if he was a less trained man, his eyes would’ve rolled back in his head. If he’d been standing, he was sure his legs would’ve been visibly shaking, probably given out.

Sure, the feeling was abstract, not as concrete as your other drinks but it was ineffably strong. 

 It felt like the flutter you caused in his stomach, but somehow all over and inside of him.

It was the heat in his cheeks when he saw you, but reaching from his toes to the skin of his scalp. 

It was the shock in his throat when you smiled so honestly at him, now forcing his hands to twitch around the cup. 

The consuming sensation was all of that goodness and more, magnified and exponentially deeper and marvelously burning.

It was hot, fiery as it ripped through him, completely unignorable. But, it was also soft, colored with the earnestness that he admired about you so much—

Oh.

 It clicked as the sensation stirred in his stomach, fluttering to a point of near nausea. 

It was you. 

 The moment he realized it, that all of that sensation was you feeling, as you had made the drink, something began to broil in the apex of his chest, rolling and all-consuming.

His mind stalled as he took it all in, taking another sip. 

The feeling washed over him again, equally as wonderfully crushing.

“Soooo,” You drawled, setting a jar next to you on the counter, beaming him a smile. “What do you think? Gimme your judgment, bird boy.”

Keigo struggled to keep his face neutral as he quickly searched yours. 

Even in his state, it was clear that there was no deception or riddle laced into the creaminess of the drink. The expectancy in your face was derived from admiration, not waiting for the punchline of an unfinished joke.

 “It’s warm! Like, in your stomach.” Hawks looked down before taking another sip, the even smile on his face not wavering for even a moment. “What is it?”

“It’s a miel,” You tapped the jar next to you, pointing at the amber goo inside. “This is some wildflower honey from the owner’s sister’s farm, right outside the city. We have a bunch of extra stuff, so there’s no better time to make a honey-based drink.” 

Hawks eyed the steam, “What goes into a ‘miel’?”

Watching Hawks’ shoulder go slack with the next chug he took, you hummed, “It’s a latte, so espresso and milk, then it has the honey in it which is what makes it a ‘miel’. Topped it with some special sweet cream, a bit of cinnamon. My extra touches in it as well, just based on my quirk.”

Hawks met your gaze, his eyes softening with what you could’ve sworn was desperation, but was quickly swallowed up but stoicism, “And what was this drink’s inspiration?” 

You laughed, shoving your hands in your apron from the typical anxiety, though the feeling itself was somewhat normal and thereby dulled, “It didn’t have one! I just winged it, like you said. My quirk was activated though, so it was just sort of the concept of what I was perceiving and feeling, I suppose.” 

There was a pause as you waited for Hawks to speak. 

He didn’t.

 Keigo stared down at the drink, then you. 

Holy fuck.

This was ambient? 

The sensation that made his toes curl and every part of him yearn to reach out to touch you and give all of himself to you—

It was unintentional?

The feeling was familiar, one that he had organically all the time when thinking of you, being with you at the teashop. It was the one that he shoved down over and over again around you, yet craved more than anything.

And here you were, unknowingly returning it to him.

You hadn’t intended it to be shared and you had no idea you even did.

Keigo was one of the most perceptive people on the planet— he knew that many of the feelings between the two of you were mutual. As much flirting as there was, a lot of it was real from both of you. 

He just didn't think it ran this far deep.

(Mutually.)

 “What... What do you think it tastes like?” You asked, that nasty rot in your gut rearing itself as Hawk’s lack of response ate at you. You turned fully to him, actually taking him in.

 Keigo did what he was so skilled at doing—

Lying.

 Hawks waved his hands in front of him like he was trying to put out small flames, “Nothing bad! Promise, it’s really good! It tastes like how the coffee shop feels. Warm, comfortable. It makes sense that your quirk would reflect that.”

You breathed a sigh of relief, “Oh, good. I’m glad it's good.”

“Very good. I might have to put miels on my list of favorite drinks you’ve made me,” Hawks gave you a relaxed grin, standing and passing a wad of cash to you.

You didn’t expect him to be leaving so quickly, but he did say he was busy.

“Oh, hey, Hawks?” He perked up when you said his name, blinking at you. “I’ve got a project I’m working that I’m doing for the owner, so I’ll be here late. If you’re around, you’re welcome to come by after close if you want another drink? For your long night.”

Hawks softened for you like he so often had come to do. He fluffed up the collar of his jacket, wings ruffling up behind him, “I think I’ll take you up on that. I’ll have some ideas for you then too, how about that?”

 “Sounds lovely,” Your voice was like the honey of the drink, warm, sweet, and vibrant. “I’ll see you then, Hawks.”

“See you then, angel,” Hawks practically glowed as he walked from the door, the chime of the bell sounding with his exit. “I’ll text you when I’m close!”

 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

 Over the course of the day, an odd feeling grew in the pitch of your stomach. You did your best to ignore it. 

You alternated between serving customers and working on the ‘project’ the owner had saddled you with. Making centerpieces for his sister’s bridal shower was not something you should’ve been doing on company time, but they were giving you a handsome sum of cash under the table for it. 

You couldn’t complain too much, other than that it was laborious. Masons jars stuffed with wired lights and frosted glasses, tied with twine and ribbons were all to be prettily arranged by your hand. 

 During the middle of the day, you went back home, spending your time between shifts catching up on sleep and making some decent food.

The odd gnawing only grew in your stomach. 

 Keigo’s long day was wearing on, though somewhat uneventfully. Most of his patrolling time was the effortless thwarting of petty crime and easy rescuing. 

He even had the time to go back to his agency and snoop.

Because, for how lame his day was, the drink you made him (which he had greedily chugged all of shortly upon leaving the tea shop) caused him to think particularly hard about your quirk.

(As opposed to the asphyxiating awareness of your shared feelings.)

 He didn’t get it.

You’d managed to perfectly create a drink that communicated complex feelings. You’d told him in the past that it could be used for any sort of feeling as well, but you were so vague beyond that. You were abstract in the same way you quirk was.

So, he decided to abuse his power a little.

He decided to actually take a lunch at the agency, munching on takeout while clicking through the HPSC’s databases.

Civilian quirks, especially those that had never attempted to pursue any sort of career with them, weren’t documented incredibly well. Maybe a few details that were used in public research projects, but not much beyond that. He had hoped he could dig and find something that would assuage his curiosity and confusion.

He tapped your name into the HPSC’s hero-accessible database, scrolling and pulling up your file.

There was a picture of you, one from an ID that must’ve been a few years old. There were personal details Keigo wasn’t all that interested in, though it was neat to finally know your birthday. 

He clicked on the tab for your quirk.

  Quirk: Synesthetic Manifestation 

Description: Allows the user to materially manifest abstract, synesthetically-created feelings into reality. 

This quirk does not allow the user to alter reality, only tangibly create abstracts through the means at their disposal.  

Drawback: This quirk causes severe synesthetic overstimulation and appears to be activated unintentionally in instances that expose them to high amounts of stimuli. 

Quirk potential: 

 Keigo knew the concept of ‘quirk potential’ well. Most of the time, this portion on files was only filled out if the individual had ever trained to use their quirk in a profession.

Oddly, your’s contained a few details.

 The user showed high potential in initial assessments, but due to the nature of the quirk, its drawbacks, and its recorded usage, this user’s quirk is now classified as lowest potential.

 Keigo frowned.

All this just made him more confused. 

The file didn’t get into much more detail than you did. The only thing that was new information to him was that at some point you had tried to use your quirk in a training setting and that somehow got you demoted from high potential to lowest potential.

Keigo’s own quirk in the database was regarded as highest potential; you, at some point, were only a step down from him. Something knocked you down from pursuing quirk-based work, and based on your current employment at the tea shop, you never got up. Keigo figured it was the intricacies of your quirk that he didn’t fully understand.

He’d have to be a bit more careful getting any more information out of you, considering how much you disliked talking about it. 

Keigo continued to stew, finishing off his lunch while thoughts of you and your feelings danced across his mind. 

Though it was clear his adoration was obviously returned, it was much easier for him to muse over the nature of your quirk than the way he wanted to pull you over the teashop’s counter and kiss you breathless.

 You went back to work, a few chalky tablets of stomachache medicine in your tummy. They were all you could do to try and quell the twisting in your gut. 

 By the time you arrived back to start your ‘night shift’, it was late evening, the sun already having fallen into the horizon. 

Most of your time prior to closing was spent in the front, helping make drinks and clean up as you could. Part of you was actually excited to throw on some good music and grind after the tea shop was shut down for the night.

Also, seeing Hawks twice in the same day? Absolutely fantastic.

You wanted to try and make him a knockout drink, to make up for the lackluster one you’d prepared him earlier. Seeing his eyes get all gooey with happiness would more than push you through your night of work.

Your phone chimed a bit before close.

 [birdboy]: hey ;^) mind if I come by in like a half an hour?

[you]: yeah!! just call me and i’ll unlock the door for you

 Your closing coworkers giggled at you. They all knew that that big smile stretched across your face meant you were texting Hawks. You used to get a bit shy about it, but now you just gave them shit. He was your friend, right?

 [birdboy]: what if i like, hit the glass, like fly into it like birds do into windows

[you]: okay one- no, that would definitely shatter the windows and idk if i wanna deal with that AND you tonight ;^)

[you]: and TWO- are you speaking. from experience. about hitting windows.

[birdboy]: please dont @ me like this 

 You snorted. 

 [birdboy]: i had to pay off a tabloid who got it on camera bc it would ruin my brand

[you]: do u still have those photos

[birdboy]: ... maybe

[you]: hawks

[you]: gimme

[birdboy]: idk if i can my publicist will kill me

[you]: u hear what i hear?? a coward

[you]: how does ‘your brand’ feel about that

[birdboy]: ...

[birdboy]: gimme one of those honey sticks u have at the register and the pics are yours once i get there ;^)))

[you]: DEAL!!!

 You pocketed your phone in your apron, unable to stop the almost ridiculous smile that you wore.

Hawks made you uncomfortably happy. You knew that he didn’t feel the same, but he was still there. Even if you were just entertainment to him, you were happy to perform on any stage he was watching. 

As closing crept up, you shooed your other coworkers off. Most of the closing tasks were done, they could leave a few minutes early. 

As they began to pack up, chatting about some party that night, your insides twisted.

You squeezed the counter, rubbing your forehead while wishing your coworkers a good evening.

Weird.

 It was about then that things went to shit for both you and Hawks. 

 Keigo’s was supposed to be in for a hellishly long shift of surveillance based on the intel he’d received about the syndicate and its impending meeting. 

Apparently, that meeting was happening earlier, rather than later. 

The chaos started quickly, the meetup going from a strategic talk to an all-out fight between two groups. 

It spilled into the nearby streets, both sides unabashed in their destruction. 

 Perhaps, if Keigo had been faster (what a tall order, for the fastest man in all of Japan), things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand. 

But quickly, things erupted and the streets dissolved in mayhem as he dove and sent feathers flying.

 You stood by the front entrance, waiting for Hawks, idly sweeping. The cleaning tasks were almost done, the world outside was dark with the late evening.

You froze when the ground beneath your feet rumbled with revving engines, the air splitting with the sound of car horns and alarms. 

Everything that happened next moved so quickly, it was difficult to follow.

Windows began to shatter all across the street, near and far.

They cracked, spraying glass as a figure cloaked in black flew down the asphalt outside. A red barrage followed after it, nearly subduing it as it raced past the tea shop.

The massive glass panels at the front of the tea shop filled with frosty lines, just feet in front of you. 

It clicked for you a few moments too late.

Adrenaline shot through you, but it wasn’t enough. 

...

You weren’t Hawks, you weren’t fast enough to outrun much of anything, let alone quirk-shattered glass. 

You were just barely able to turn around before the spray of shards reached you. 

You would later be incredibly thankful that you wore denim jeans and a wool sweater that day. Without the thick fabrics, you were sure that you would’ve been shredded. The problem was your low-top shoes and thin socks.

Just as you turned, searing pain shot from the back of your left ankle. You urged yourself to forget the specifics, flesh-tearing, mind beginning to buzz. 

You just had to keep moving. 

Except, you couldn’t. Your left leg gave out with your next step.

You shrieked as you fell to the floor, barely catching yourself. Your palms smacked against the ground, pieces of sharpened glass driving into the flesh. 

You couldn’t help screaming, your voice mingling with the sound of alarms, cries for help, and the war cries of a nearby fight.

Oh.

You were in the middle of a fairly nasty villain attack.

...

So much for giving Hawks a better drink.

The mental joke seemed macabre, especially in your state.

 You willed with all of your might, for your quirk to not activate. Overstimulation was just inches away from your current state, the sounds outside the teashop boring through your skull like diamond drill bits. 

The pain that was radiating from your left leg was nearly unbearable, but you knew that getting out of the front room was imperative. 

How you managed to keep your injured leg straight, you’ll never know. 

You locked your jaw and pulled yourself along the floor, hoping that Hawks had this all under control. More people were bound to be hurt by the same sort of attack you got caught in, right? How many more folks had been sliced up like you? Worse than you?

 Keigo wasn’t having much trouble subduing the villains. They, of course, had no idea that he had been watching the syndicate for three-odd months. He knew their quirks, their tactics, their escape routes, everything. What he didn’t know as well was the other group’s specifics. 

From what he had understood before the fight, the two had somewhat friendly relations. Still, Keigo mentally kicked himself for not being more diligent in his gathering of intel. 

His mistakes aside, the much more pressing issue was the two-kilometer stretch of shops that were now collateral damage in what was essentially a mobile mob war. 

This damage included the tea shop.

When he’d flown past the shop, he’d only caught a glimpse of your face through the glass before it shattered.

You’d looked terrified.

Every part of him wanted to stop, dead in the air, rush in, and make sure you were okay, but he had to at least get things under control until more heroes showed up. Then, he’d be able to get to you. 

By the time Keigo subdued several villains of either group, more Pros had arrived on the scene. He sped off to the teashop far too quickly when he saw others gathering. It was an ill-advised move, but he was clouded by a different set of instincts than those cultivated in his hero training. 

The flight did allow him to fully take in the damage of the district, though.  

It was about as bad as it could be.

Whatever the villain’s quirk was must’ve shattered glass within a certain radius from his body, Keigo observed.

Thankfully, the villain’s quirk didn’t appear to affect anything past two stories of height, sparing all above it. Those panes and pieces that did shatter had sprayed businesses, restaurants, shops, and the street with shards of glass. Not to mention that they flew at the speed of projectiles.

(At the full-minded revelation that there was no way you weren’t hurt, Keigo felt his stomach flip and eyes burn.)

Keigo shuddered to think how bad the damage would’ve been if the encounter happened during broad daylight. 

 Keigo curled in his wings, dropping onto the floor at the front of the teashop through the broken window. 

He kept his expression somewhat neutral, though the scene before him tore at his heart in a way he wasn’t expecting.

The tea shop was destroyed.

The pretty, warm lighting fixtures had shattered, fine filaments exposed, and a few sparking. The glass jars on your wall of tea blends were broken, spilling leaves and dried herbs across the back counter. That wasn’t even to mention the layer of shards from all of the glassware stored around the coffee machines.

Seeing the destruction of one of the only places he had ever found real comfort in was awful, and it tore something hidden and vulnerable in his heart.

But far, far worse was the absolute horror that bloomed in his chest when he saw the sizeable spot of blood in the middle of the floor, smearing to the back doorway. 

“(Y/N)!” Keigo shouted, ignoring any stealthy elements and hurriedly following the trail.

“B-back here,” Oh, your voice was so weak. 

Keigo couldn’t make himself move fast enough.

 You’d managed to get yourself to the back, biting your lip so hard you were scared you’d break the skin. Part of you was lucid enough to know that making too much noise could be bad. Then again, the shop was supposed to be closed. Did anyone even know that you were there?

Hawks did.

You gripped at one of the edges of the stainless steel countertops, using all the strength you could muster to pull yourself upright. As careful as you were not to jostle your injured leg (that you still hadn’t looked at properly because you were terrified), the moment you bent it, you had to suppress a scream, turning it into a slow, nasty exhale. You let yourself sink to the floor again. 

Something was seriously fucked up.

 Then Hawks called your name. 

You were sprawled out on the floor, injured leg awkwardly turned and extended to prevent the pain from being made worse. 

The moment he saw you from the doorway, the remnants of his wings flapped, practically throwing him to the ground next to you.

The moment you saw him enter the back room, any and all fronts you had put on for yourself fell apart.

“H-Hawks,” You hated how small your voice sounded as you pushed yourself closer to him.

The details of him, how ruffled his remaining feathers were, how wide and scared his eyes were, how different he looked from the times you’d seen him on the news confidently saving the day, were lost on you. 

 Though, Keigo noticed your poor state easily. It was more obvious. 

He scanned your form with the trained precision he was known for. He took in the shattered piece of glass sticking from your leg, bleeding lightly. Your palms weren’t bloody, but they were dotted with shards of glass. 

He also noticed your panicked shaking and your unnaturally dilated pupils, beyond anything he’d seen while you’d made drinks for him. 

“Is your quirk active?” Keigo asked, pulling off his gloves and grabbing one of your wrists. He turned your palm, using two of his smallest feathers like tweezers to pick at the shards pieces of glass. 

“Y-yeah,” You replied, using the back of your other hand to wipe at your eyes. “It does this when I’m under extreme stress. I can’t turn it off.”

Keigo managed to laugh, relieved that the cuts in your hands weren’t that severe, “You just focus on me, okay, angel? That’s all you gotta do.”

 You nod, trying to hold your overstimulated mind back. It’s fruitless, truly, because the moment Hawks reminds you that he is, in fact, there, and that you are safe, you quirk-addled mind spasms. 

The awful mix of sensations whirled in your skull as you leaned forward, pressing your forehead into Hawks’ shoulder. In other circumstances, it would be a romantic gesture. But, the only purpose you had in the contact was hoping, praying, that the heat of his body would distract you from the swirling of sensations you couldn’t stop. 

In that mental soup, within the fear, intense pain, and loss, oddly enough, was the unignorable, pleasant feeling of being so close to him. It made your heart squeeze. But, it was a single spice of sensation in a foul-tasting stew though, and it was hard to isolate the good in the muck of your mind. 

You shook against him as sounds and pain blended inside your skull, thoughts becoming murkier and harder to understand.

 Keigo finished tweezing your other hand, that one worse off, and wrapping it in some gauze he had stuffed in his jacket.

His mind screamed for him to wrap you in his arms, to pull you close and keep you safe. It was all he could fathom doing, just nearly moving to do so—

That was until the popping rumble of a nearby explosion interrupted his thoughts.

You jumped against him, muffling a scream in his shoulder.

His heart ached.

 “(Y/N), I know this is all scary,” Hawks’s voice came through your sensational slurry. “But, I need to be back out there right now.”

“No.” Your mouth spewed with no discernable thoughts behind it. “Don’t leave. Please, don’t. Please.”

You caught Hawks’ wince, but barely. 

He was already repositioning you, scooting you under one of the countertops, “Angel, I’m sorry. I need to go, but I’ll be back. I promise.”

Your eyes screwed shut, vibrating in your skull as pulling your uninjured leg to your chest. 

Hawks looked equally as torn up about having to leave, brows creased with his lip worried between his teeth.  

Despite how messy your brain felt, you knew that you were beyond defenseless. Even if your mind could easily conjure up an infinite number of ways to bring a person non-lethal (and lethal) pain, you were turning to mush mentally and you had glass sticking out of your leg. You had no fucking way to create it with your body. 

Your back hit the wall under the counter and you managed to wrench your eyes open, taking in Hawks and his visage while you spun.

He looked so sad.

The feeling of mourning and fear spat so hotly in your mind, it was like you’d been intangibly burned by his expression. 

You choked on your own stored tears, reaching out for him.

He caught one of your hands, the wrapped one, and squeezed it lightly. 

Even with so few feathers left, Hawks plucked one, about the size of your forearm. He replaced his hand with the plumage. 

“(Y/N), I will be back. I promise,” Hawks (so weakly) smiled, trying to reassure you. “You snap that feather if anything changes, okay? If anyone comes into the shop who isn’t another pro, or if you start to feel faint. Do you understand?”

“Yeah.” You gritted out, somehow laughing. Your vocal cords rubbing together sends a wave of agony up the back of your neck, burying behind your eyes. You press your forehead in your bent knee. 

 With one last, fleeting look, eyeing your wound and remembering slate-colored eyes, Keigo took flight into the fray once more. 

Keigo hated leaving you. He hated it so fucking much. It burned him, felt wrong in every way. You were so vulnerable in your state. Both of you knew that without him there, you were entirely exposed and fairly defenseless.  

It perked up that protective instinct he’d repeatedly had towards you for months. It was probably something related to his avian mutation, but it was just blood-boiling need to keep you safe.

Yet, he just left you, wounded and mentally spiraling, in the middle of a destroyed building.

If he wasn’t trained so well, he would have acted differently. But, it had been burned into him time and time again what his needs were in disaster situations.

Neutralize, stabilize, clear out. 

Through his exhaustion, he fought and soared with all he had, fatigue forgotten and replaced by hot cortisol. He forced himself faster, zipping down alleyways and across rooftops at some of his top speeds. 

While Keigo tracked down all of the villains (he managed to miss the first time), he trusted that the other Pros could deal with the heavy collateral damage. He was number two, he could catch some organized criminals. 

Beyond his training, Keigo had an even bigger motivation. 

He could feel you.

The feather he left with you must’ve been pressed right up to your chest, maybe under your neck with the way Keigo could so intensely feel your breath and heartbeat. He could sense it gradually speeding up to the point of what had to be panic. If Keigo focused, he could make out your terror-stricken babbling.

“It’s okay.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“This is fine.”

“I’ll be okay.”

“Hawks is okay.”

“He’ll come back.”

“He won’t leave.”

...

“Everything's gonna be okay.”

With that last one, your words gave out and it turned in gasping breaths. 

Keigo worked himself harder, striking down the last of villains with absolute precision, all distractions forgotten in the most pivotal moments of combat. 

The instant the villains were in custody, restrained, he was flying back towards the tea shop.

 You don’t remember any of this well. Your mind was liquified, your body throbbing in pain. 

It had been an incredibly long time, years since you’d been in any situation resembling a villain attack. There was no way to stop the synesthetic storm that was choking your mind. Every sensation was magnified, mixed with another, and shoved down your throat without any ability to change it.

A few minutes after Hawks left, giving you time to stew and roll, you spiraled more harshly.

When you realized how pitifully helpless you were, you fell away, pressing your wet face into the Hawks’s feather. Your vision muddled between black and red. 

You felt the cold of the blood wetting your pant leg.

Your wound is bad.

You hadn’t fully looked at it in awhile. 

Opening your eyes, you suppressed a wave of nausea at the small puddle of blood growing under the bottom half of your useless leg. 

The way the denim of your jeans stuck to your skin mixed with the smell heady smell of blood made you gag. 

You couldn’t keep it up anymore.

Letting your eyes shut, you sank down to the floor, cheek pressed into the dirty cement. 

You don’t know how long you idled, drowning in your mind’s colors and vibrantly violent sensations. 

You were only half-conscious when the feather pressed to your neck twitches.

 “(Y/N)!” Keigo shouted as he landed in the teashop, flying straight to the backroom, bypassing the mess of broken glass. 

His breath caught, seeing you slumped over.

“Fuck,” Keigo couldn’t stop the tremble in his voice as he noticed how much blood had pooled beneath your injured ankle. “Hey, hey, (Y/N)—”

He sure fucking sucked at admitting his faults, and recognizing the severity of wounds was indeed one of them. He didn’t usually stick around long enough to deal with casualties so closely. 

Keigo threw off his gloves, tossing them behind him without looking. 

“‘M fine,” You started to push yourself up, hissing at the pain that surged from cuts in your hands. “Brain’s mushy.”

“That all?” Thank god Hawks still managed to joke. The humor dashed across your vision like little sparks. You stifle a weak snort. 

 “There’s my angel.” Keigo was so relieved to see you conscious that he didn’t notice his own possessive slipup. “Are you lightheaded?”

Gingerly, he helped stabilize your body upright as you wrenched your eyes open.

“A little, it’s okay, this is what happens,” Your voice was so loud in your own skull, it hurt. Though, the pain of your words was only a prick in the wet dough of your overworked mind. Sensation was pain, rolling over you and making it harder and harder to stay lucid. 

 Keigo swallowed thickly at the sight of your fully-blackened irises. 

He needed to get you out as fast as possible, but that required assessing the gash in your leg. 

His gaze flickered to your ankle, “Can you move your toes?”

“I don’t want to.”

Keigo frowned, weakly, pushing you as upright as possible as you began to slip to the side. 

“Please, you have to try, okay?” Keigo begged, not noticing his own voice wobble. 

You shook your head, grabbing it in within its own motion. The dizziness made your insides knot and stick together. 

“(Y/N), please.”

You shifted your gaze to him, vision tilting as you did. 

The frown on your face split as you just barely moved your toes within your blood-soaked shoe.

The fresh pain, vibrant and boiling, cut through the fog like a heat-blackened knife. 

Your own fist flew into your mouth to mouth to suppress the cry that bubbled from your throat. You half-recognized it was the one holding Hawks’s feather. 

You couldn’t see the way Keigo flinched at the sound, immediatly trying to soothe the two of you. 

 “Alright, good, okay, you can still feel them,” Hawks managed to laugh, cutting into the miasma of your psyche. It was something light and airy, tasting like packet sugar on the sides of your tongue. 

Chasing the goodness of Hawks’s voice, you mustered up as much clarity as you could grasp, willing yourself into full sentences, “Hawks. I swear to fucking God, if you do not get me out of here right now, I will never make you a drink ever again.”

 Keigo blinked at you, nodding, watching your attempt to focus on him, though the fully inked irises seemed to refuse to stay put.

 So, this is what the file meant about the cost of your quirk. 

 “Don’t have to tell me twice, dove.” Hawks scooped you up before you could manage to put more thoughts together. A few of his feathers flew to stabilize your injured leg. 

His touch felt good, like incredibly good. Even as the crunch of his boots on the broken glass of the tea shop scratched at your inner ears and burned your sinuses, the heat and texture of his jacket caressed over your cheeks. His warmth tasted like honey and cream. 

Your head lolled onto his chest, idly playing with the filaments of his feathers that you refused to let go of. 

 (Keigo didn’t want you to, anyway.)

He couldn’t fly well, not in his mostly-featherless state, so he took to walking instead. He sidestepped as much glass he could, mostly watching your half-lidded eyes fixate on the feather you had pressed up to your face.

It was a weird circle, Keigo feeling your heat and breath so close, both on his body and on the sensitive plumage. Technically, he was doing his job, so he let himself indulge just the smallest bit in being so close to you. When Keigo squeezed you, nearly at the medic’s area, you tucked your face into his collarbones, breaths slowing from panic. You were even slack in his grip.

A paramedic rushed up to the two of you, guiding you to a setup stretcher and a waiting line of ambulances.

 “We can take it from here, Hawks, no need to stick around,” The paramedic’s voice cut through the air, dripping bitterness on your tonsils and iron nails in your lungs. 

Hawks set you half-down onto the lip of the vehicle, “Nah, it’s okay, I’ll hang out with them for a sec. They’re a friend of mine.”

He’d never said it before. That you were friends. 

Heat rushed up to your fingertips, sweetness washing over your wounded leg, topped off silken air settling around your ears. 

You’d drown in the sensation, a million times over.

 The paramedic ran off quickly, a man with a nasty head wound taking precedence over your leg (which seemed to have clotted somewhat with your somewhat more relaxed state). 

Hawks still didn’t leave.

Rather, he moved closer.

So did you.

 From your spot sitting on the edge of the ambulance, your injured leg was twisted and propped up while the other dangled off the edge of the vehicle.

Keigo was right up against the metal, allowing you to lean on his side.

“You good?” You asked him, bumping your leg into his lower back.

Keigo couldn’t help jumping. You’d never casually touched him. 

(He really liked it.)

Though the setting and circumstances were fucked, he figured it was okay. 

You were friends, right?

 Hawks wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pressing you into his side.

You took it a step further, wanting to simply soak in the amber, milky feeling of his touch. 

You squish your cheek low against his collarbone, drinking in the smell of his sweat, stale, spiced cologne, and rich, expensive smelling hair oil. 

The scents washed over your skin, rolling over your burning wounds like aloe and clean water.  

“Thank you.” Your voice is small and soft, kept gentle by your last sparks of lucidity. 

You heard Hawks chuckle, your vision swimming in honey and yellow with the sound, “Just doing my job, you know.”

“I mean, yeah,” You laughed too, pressing your nose harder into him. “But, it’s you, and I’m just glad you’re here.”

“You better stop being so sweet,” The hand around your shoulder rubbed slowly, up and down your spine, sweet spices and sugars dancing on the roof of your mouth. “Gonna give me ideas.”

The touch, something you craved and denied yourself, pushed you over the edge as his touch dissolved across your overstimulated mind in cresting waves of rushing, blessed heat. 

Finally succumbing to the flood of your quirk, drowning your mind in both agony and absolute calm, you muttered out the last clear thing you said that evening, “We always give each other ideas, silly.”

God, the many meanings behind your words spun and stuck in Keigo’s mind like the taste of the miel he drank that morning. They relentlessly clung to his psyche, wanting to know more. 

He stayed close while you were assessed and strapped into the ambulance. He sent a few of his last feathers to retrieve your jacket and purse from the wrecked shop.

All the while you clutched his bare hand, irises black while the whites turned bloodshot. 

As the ambulance drove off towards that public hospital, he could feel the steady beat of your heart through the crimson feather he made sure was tucked in your hand the moment he had to let it go.

He felt you squeeze it, and he wanted nothing more than to return the gesture a thousand times over.  

[arctic-comet]

Osblaine week 2021, Day 2: Lyrics

Over the last several weeks, I have carefully curated a playlist for Osblaine. The final total length of the playlist is 2 hours and 53 minutes.

The playlist can be found HERE

Click "Keep Reading" if you're interested in the introduction, commentary, more graphics and the full tracklist.

For full disclosure, I have to give some of the credit to my amazing fellow Osblaine fangirls @dystopiandramaqueen, @splitscreen and everyone who participated in a certain conversation for the original inspiration and even bringing up some of the songs.

You should look at the playlist in five parts: one section for each season that's aired and one section for the future (because I like to end things on a hopeful note).

The playlist contains a lot of the following:

Music from movie and TV soundtracks

Instrumental music

Remixes

Classics and covers of classics

Country music. I blame Florida. My sincerest apologies.

Some of the songs were chosen because they reminded me of a certain Osblaine scene, and some of them aren't specific to particular scenes but chosen for the general Osblaine vibe. And most of the movie/TV music I chose have been used for couples that remind me of Nick and June.

Part I- Season 1, first 12 songs of the playlist:

Forbidden Love- Abel Korzeniowski, Jasper Randall, The Hollywood Studio Symphony (Romeo & Juliet)

Fireflies- Owl City

Echoes in Rain- Enya

My Ghost- Glass Pear (Bones)

Daring to Hope- Anne Dudley (Poldark)

Everytime We Touch- Cascada

1000 Times- Sara Bareilles

Too Good At Goodbyes- Sam Smith

In Case You Don't Live Forever- Ben Platt

To Find You- Cast of Sing Street, Brenock O’Connor

She- Elvis Costello (Notting Hill)

Miracle- Instrumental- Cö Shu Nie

Hanging By A Moment- Lifehouse

Commentary:

The first instrumental song IMO works as an intro for their entire love story.

The next two songs are more about having the right vibe. It's a little ambiguous and dark because that's how their life is in Gilead.

Leave my door open just a crack

Please take me away from here

'Cause I feel like such an insomniac

Please take me away from here

Why do I tire of counting sheep?

Please take me away from here

When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

***

Wait for the sun

Watching the sky

Black as a crow

Night passes by

Taking the stars

So far away

Everything flows

Here comes another new day

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

***

"My Ghost" is June's POV before they sleep together, wondering if she can trust Nick:

Who can you trust, in this place?

And whom can I put my faith?

If you're real, then show me now,

Who you are

The last two songs are for episode 1x10, for both Nick’s reaction to June’s pregnancy and the beginning of her first escape attempt (arranged by Nick).

She may be the face I can't forget The trace of pleasure or regret May be my treasure or the price I have to pay She may be the song that summer sings Maybe the chill that autumn brings Maybe a hundred different things Within the measure of a day

Part II- Season 2, next 10 songs:

Love Will Keep Us Alive- Eagles

So Easy- Phillip Phillips

Incomplete- James Bay

Rewrite the Stars- The Piano Guys (The Greatest Showman)

I’ll Be Your Shelter- Taylor Dayne

Love Never Fails- Brandon Heath

P.S. I Love You- 05:11- John Powell (P.S. I Love You)

It's A Girl- Mychel Danna (The Time Traveler's Wife)

I'll Stand By You- Josh Groban, Helene Fischer

The Miracle of Love- Eurythmics

Commentary:

The first four songs cover June’s escape attempt and the time they share at the Boston Globe.

"Incomplete" is Nick's POV from when she's on the run and he knows she'll be gone from his life soon. He lives in the moment.

I don't wanna look down

I don't want us to break up in the clouds

All I want is to stay us, to stay with you now

"I'll Be Your Shelter" is for when June's mental health is at its lowest point and he goes to Serena to beg for her to get June help.

What you need is a friend to count on

What you got baby you got someone

Who will stay when the rain is fallin'

And won't let it fall on you

P.S. I Love You takes me back to episode 2.09, Nick’s selflessness in the episode and of course the scene where after telling June that Luke loves her, he tells her that he loves her too, despite believing she probably doesn’t feel the same way.

It's A Girl makes me think of the beautiful moment they share during June's false labor when he helps her out of the van and they climb the steps together.

I’ll Stand By You is for 2.10, Nick holding June after she was heartbroken over Hannah and over what the Waterfords did to her and clinging onto him.

Part III- Season 3, next 6 songs:

Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close- Alexandre Desplat (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)

All I Ask- Adele

Never Enough- Loren Allred (The Greatest Showman)

I Don’t Wanna Live Forever- Taylor Swift, ZAYN (Fifty Shades Darker)

Love is Gone- SLANDER, Dylan Matthew

Constellations- The Oh Hellos

Commentary:

For obvious reasons, it was extremely difficult to pick songs for this season.

The first (instrumental) song is for the beginning of the season with June coming back to the Waterford house and them then saying goodbye to each other on the street.

All I Ask, Never Enough, I Don't Wanna Live Forever and Love Is Gone are for their night together in June’s room at Lawrence’s (the one we didn’t get to see sigh). They know it's possible it's all they'll ever have, and they'll take it, but it'll never be enough.

I will leave my heart at the door I won't say a word They've all been said before, you know So why don't we just play pretend? Like we're not scared of what's coming next Or scared of having nothing left

Look, don't get me wrong I know there is no tomorrow All I ask is

If this is my last night with you Hold me like I'm more than just a friend Give me a memory I can use Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do It matters how this ends 'Cause what if I never love again?

***

All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the night sky

Will never be enough

Never be enough

Towers of gold are still too little

These hands could hold the world but it'll

Never be enough

Never be enough

***

I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me

I know that your love is gone

I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy

Don't tell me that your love is gone

That your love is gone

"Constellations" is for their long separation and the doubts that I'm sure plagued them both during it. Would they ever see each other again?

Part IV- S4, next 12 songs:

All of Me- John Legend

(Everything I do) I Do It For You- Bryan Adams

Iris- Natalie Taylor (City of Angels)

She Was Like A Bright Light- Hans Zimmer, Rupert Greyson-Williams (Winter’s Tale)

Noah's Last Letter- Aaron Zigman (The Notebook)

What’s In The Middle- the bird and the bee (Bones)

ivy- Taylor Swift

Footprints in the Sand- Leona Lewis

Remember Me (Lullaby)- Gael Garcia Bernal, Gabriella Flores (Coco)

On The Nature Of Daylight- Max Richter

My Heart Will Go On- Basil Jose (Titanic)

The Story- Sara Ramirez (Grey's Anatomy)

Commentary:

There were sooo many songs I wanted to include in part IV, but I controlled myself and ended up with this particular dozen.

"She Was Like A Bright Light" and "Noah’s Last Letter" are an instrumental double punch to the gut for Nick’s time in Gilead during episodes 4.07-4.09. The first one is meant for when he finds out June made it to Canada, and the 2nd for is for when he starts to gather info on Hannah to give to June.

"What’s in the Middle" and "ivy" are June’s POV of episodes 4.07-4.09.

"What's In The Middle" has more of an angry and confused vibe, and June was definitely both in episodes 7 and 8.

Losing your head is such a common theme

All your brains are falling out, falling out the open seams

Where is the heart, is the heart of the matter

I will empty out my skull of all this useless chatter

On the other hand, "ivy" has this haunted vibe, but there's also reverence and acceptance, which she begins to achieve in episode 9.

Oh, goddamn

My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Taking mine, but it's been promised to another

Oh, I can't

Stop you putting roots in my dreamland

My house of stone, your ivy grows

And now I'm covered in you

The next three songs are of course all for their reunion in 4.09, and I couldn’t resist including the song that was actually played in the scene.

"The Story" draws the season to a close nicely, with June understanding that her current needs are different from what they used to be and that there’s someone who understands her completely (and it’s not Luke).

You see the smile that's on my mouth

It's hiding the words that don't come out

And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed

They don't know my head is a mess

No, they don't know who I really am

And they don't know what I've been through like you do

And I was made for you

Part V- Season 5 and Beyond, the last 6 songs

Secret Love Song- Little Mix, Jason Derulo

Burn With You- Lea Michele

The Bones- Maren Morris

Feels Like Home- Auli'i Carvalho, Keegan DeWitt

Love Will Find A Way- Piano Covers (Lion King II)

Like I'll Never Love You Again- Carrie Underwood

“Secret Love Song” is a more angsty tune about a love that’s still kept a secret like June and Nick’s love (as far as most people are concerned). Now that they’ve already made out in front of the man who raped and abused June and made Nick watch him do that, I want to believe they can let go of the secrecy in S5, at least when it comes to a few people.

I'm living for that day Someday Can I hold you in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that we could be like that Why can't we it be like that? Cause I'm yours, I'm yours Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't I say that I'm in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops I wish that it could be like that Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't we be like that? Wish we could be like that

***

“Bones” is about a relationship with a strong foundation, which IMO they do have. It will carry them in the future, too. They’re more into each other now than ever before and especially June is coming to terms with how strong that love is. They’ll weather any storm.

When the bones are good, the rest don't matter

Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter

Let it break 'cause you and I remain the same

When there ain't a crack in the foundation

Baby, I know any storm we're facing

Will blow right over while we stay put

The house don't fall when the bones are good

***

“Feels Like Home” is more hopeful. Their home is with each other and I hope that’s something that will be explored more in the future.

Take me, I'm ready

Go slow but go steady

To a place that we can call our own

I wanna know what feels like home

***

“Like I’ll Never Love You Again” is a good conclusion for the playlist. It’s hopeful and a testament to an epic love.

I wanna love you like the rain on a roof

Stronger than a bottle of a hundred ten proof

I wanna take love to places that love has never been

Yeah, I wanna love you like I'll never love you again

And I'll love you again

Oh, and again

[it-was-all-a-beautiful-dream]

Going, Going, Gone (Spencer Reid x Reader) Chapter 5

Warnings: Mentions of death and injury/much angst

Word Count: 2k

----------------------------------------------------------------------

-Spencers POV-

His heart stopped. There she was. Right there, if only he could climb through the screen and grab her, shielding her from further harm. He was angry, she looked so small, from what he could make out on the screen you were tied to a bed, bound by chains, blood and wounds scattered in different shapes and sizes over your almost naked body.

Spencer heard a gasp from behind him, turning he noticed JJ staring at the screen seeing exactly what he was. He didn’t have time to deal with peoples feelings, he just needed to figure out where his girl was and quickly. Emily had joined him back at the laptop.

“Oh my god.” Her voice was full of panic and hate. Then her eyes went wide when she heard Rossi’s voice travelling up the attic stairs.

“Spencer, did you find anything yet.” Spence turned to look at the man and then back at the screen, angling his body so it was in front of Rossi’s line of sight. Emily was trying to get him to go back down stairs but he was having none of it, pushing passed her to get to the source of the commotion. Spencer couldn’t bare to listen to the angry cries of his colleague, the angry, broken cries of a father. He was too focused on taking in everything he could, trying to look passed your broken and beaten down, still breathing body, to figure out if there was anything to lead them to you.

Spencer hit a button on his mobile, a direct line to Garcia who was anxiously waiting for anything back at her cyber lab.

“Go boy wonder what have you got for me.” Penelope’s joking voice faltered when Spencer informed her of their findings. He sent the video clip of Y/N over to Penelope to analyse further. Her voice quivering as she promised Spencer she’d be found.

Spencer took a look at the screen again, noticing marks up the algae covered walls. They were water marks, which told you how high the water sometimes flooded inside the building. He let Garcia know so she could narrow her search to a building that would be underground near water and it took her mere seconds to come back with a location.

“It’s an old underground bunker, the Unsubs father was some kind of doomsday preparation nut, it’s next to the Teal River, i’ve sent the exact location to your phones.” The team were out the door in seconds, hoping and praying that this is where they would find you alive. They needed to find you alive.

“Were coming for you sweetheart just hold on, were coming.” In that moment Spencer did something he never did, he prayed.

-Un-Subs POV-

“It’s almost time. Almost time to get rid of the girl. She put up a bigger fight than I thought she would. A few more stab wounds and cuts aught to do the trick, let her die slowly in her cell, die slowly just like my girl did. They will pay, they will all pay.”

-Your POV-

You coughed. You could hear that your breathing was getting worse and it felt like the air was slowly being sucked out of you. You knew you didn’t have long left. You would have liked to cry, feel sorry for yourself, for the fact that you’d never have a future with Spence, never see your father again and never see the team you called family again, but you were too dehydrated and your body couldn’t even function enough to produce a single drop. You slumped against the sticky cold wall, dry blood smeared across your face and in your hair. Your leg was still bleeding but you’d managed to stop it slightly by using some dirty cloth from the mattress you were sitting on. An infected leg was better than bleeding out.

Your eyes closed and you thought about Spencer. How his mind would be working over time trying to piece together the clues and find you before you met your demise. You wanted to believe they would find you in time but your hope was slowly fading away with your consciousness.

You thought about your father and how he’d been in the BAU for so long, founded it with your godfather Gideon, how it was basically his whole life, as well as you. You hoped that when you were gone he’d be able to move on, that he wouldn’t hurt for too long and hopefully one day he’d re-marry, god knows he could use a strong woman in his life after your mum died.

You thought about your friends.. family at the BAU. Your best friend Luke Alvez who treated you more like a little sister, always taking you under his wing and giving you advice even when you didn’t need it. You hoped he’d stay at the BAU, that if you died, it wouldn’t effect him too much and he’d be able to get back to some kind of normal life. You wish there was a way to tell him he could have your baseball card collection, he’d always wanted it. You laughed a little, a sad laugh, already grieving for the people you were going to lose. Thinking about all the things you still wanted to do in life. They say that when you die you life flashes before your eyes, they were wrong. It’s before that, it plays through your head like a movie, going over all the things you’d never get to see.

In your mind you pictured what your wedding day would be like. Spencer would want a small wedding full of close family and friends and you’d agree. The perfect setting your fathers large back garden, flowers everywhere, surrounded by the people you love. The gentle exchanging of rings and the kiss he would give you that would still make your toes curl even when you were old and grey.

Children. You wanted at least 4. You wanted so many children with Spencer because you knew he’d make the most amazing father, even if he’d be scared they’d carry the gene for schizophrenia. They’d have his curly hair and your eye colour, his calmness and his smarts while they had your artistic nature and kindness. They’d love to stay with Grandpa, who would tell them all kinds of stories of his time in the FBI, obviously leaving out the heavy stuff. Your friends would come over and you’d always have big dinners and get togethers, BBQ’s in the summer, your lives full of life and laughter and there would always be him. Right by your side. Your Spencer. You’d grow old together, still love each other as hard as you do now. Until your last breath. You pictured going out like the scene in the notebook, old and in each others arms. The world would always be right, if you had your Spencer Reid.

You could feel your breathing slowing, the sound of heavy footsteps running down the echoing corridor. It was too late. You were sure the Un-sub was coming to finish you off once and for all, leave you somewhere for your family to find, another body in another case the BAU would eventually solve. But it was too late for you. The door swung open and your eyes closed. The pain was gone and so were the chances of seeing your Spence one last time.

-Spencers POV-

The SUV’s came to a screeching halt outside the bunker. There was a gravelled path that lead towards the doors that were hidden behind shrubs. It was one of those lucky by chance things, the team arrived and the Un-sub was outside, about to go into the bunker. While Prentiss and JJ read him his rights and stuck him in the back of the car, Spencer, Rossi and Luke threw open the metal doors and made their way inside cautiously. Spencer wanted to throw all caution to the wind. Guaranteed the two other men he was with wanted to as well. All they wanted to do was get their girl back. But sometimes looks could be deceiving and more danger could be lurking up ahead. In this case, there wasn’t.

Spencer ran down the long echoing corridor, medics behind him. The cells were empty apart from one.

“Y/N! Y/N! Can you hear me? Were here Darling just hold on okay, i’m here baby i’m here.” Spencers voice was full of panic as the three men used all their strength to open the tightly sealed bunker door. Spencer could faintly see through the porthole door, the grime and condensation obstructing his view slightly. You weren’t moving. He started to panic even more and when the door hissed and flung open it was if the world was moving in slow motion.

You were pale, eyes closed, dry blood across your practically naked body. Dirty cloth wrapped around your blood soaked thigh and cuts littered your body in all shapes and sizes. One of your hands was handcuffed to a railing next to the rusty spring covered bed and you looked smaller than you’d ever looked before. Spencer was on you in seconds. Luke had bolt cutters and had snipped the handcuff from the railing. Rossi was frozen in his spot, his daughter lifeless in front of him. Spencer lifted you carefully in his arms laying you on the ground.

“She has no pulse! She’s not breathing! She’s not breathing!” He started pumping your chest, 1,2,3,4…. check, no sign of breathing. He held your nose and blew into your mouth twice, Luke took over chest compressions as the paramedics set up the defibrillator. More Paramedics arrived, pushing the two FbI Agents away so they could work on you more thoroughly. Some tended to your still bleeding cute, needles attached to you for IV bags and then.

“Everyone clear!” The defibrillator sounded up. The shocking noise and the thud your body made against the cold floor seemed to echo all around. They shocked you a total of four times before they managed to get a weak pulse.

The ambulance ride wasn’t long, especially now that you had a police escort and most of the flashing lights in the city. You died and came back 3 times in the ambulance. Spencer hadn’t stopped crying since he found you bleeding and lifeless.

On arrival to the hospital you were instantly taken to surgery, some of the stab wounds too severe to be treated normally. The BAU occupied the waiting room, Rossi sat numbly staring at the floor, Spencer paced back and fourth, Luke kept on asking the Dr for updates every ten minutes and the rest of the team just waited for any news at all.

——————————————————————————————————

-Your POV-

You hadn’t remembered your cell being this bright. Maybe your captor had taken you outside. Maybe you hadn’t died in time to be spared of the cruel torture that was about to follow. What was that dreadful beeping sound? You blinked, your eyes taking their time to adjust to your surroundings. You were defiantly somewhere else and you started to panic, the beeping got louder and faster. You tried to sit up.

“Spencer! Spencer! Wake up she’s awake!” You couldn’t make out the voice clearly, it sounded like… your dad? But how? Were you dreaming. Maybe this was your body in its final stages playing a cruel trick on your subconscious.

You tried to talk, but your throat was dry and you were hit with a wave of pain. Someone pressed ice chips to your lips, slowly but surely you accepted them, the coolness coating your vocal cords.

“Please, please tell m-me this isn’t a d-dream.” A tear leaked from the corner of your eye and rolled down your cheek only to be kissed away by… your Spencer.

“Baby, it’s not a dream, I found you, we found you. You’re safe now and I’m never letting you go again.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Welp, There we go. The final chapter! I hope you liked this mini series! If you like Criminal minds or want me to write for anyone else.. maybe Luke Alvez... let me knowwww i'll consider it ;) Please Reblog/follow/like <3333

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@waddles03

@nocturnalherb16

@reidscardigan

[kurt-nightcrawler]

And I figured out we’re dating in this Chili’s tonight

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐌𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞! 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Request: Mother Nature and warren have my whole ass HEART!!!!! I loved flower so much. I know you’re gonna write lil dates one day I wonder if you’ll write something of how they officially got together?? Like who asked who to be each other’s girlf/boyf . Would be so cute I know you’re busy but either way all your fics are *chefs kiss* —(I think this was from an anon!)

Blurb: Mother Nature and Warren are officially dating! They figured it out!

Warnings: some language and mentions of sex

Word Count: 7.6k

A/N: the timeline is kind of all over. This is set before Decay but I posted it way after! Anyway! Enjoy!

Warren was on Instagram as Scott explained the plot of Fast and The Furious 7 to Jean. 

“It’s not good— but my dad loves them— mostly for the cars— but it’s supposed to be the last movie in the franchise. I think…” 

Warren rarely posted— on his story and his main page— but he looked at what his friends were up to. 

He tapped on (Y/N)’s profile icon to view her story— the highlight of his lunch period. She wasn’t around for the time being— she had mentioned a test she was retaking, which made Warren sad. He wouldn’t get to sit next to her and share whatever fruit she grew for lunch, but he also wanted her to do well and get good grades. 

(Y/N) had posted a photo of a movie poster with the caption, “OHMYGOD!! ” followed by a blue and yellow shocked face emoji and a heart-eyed emoji. The movie poster in question was for the animated Addams Family movie. 

“Is there a new Addams family movie coming out?” Warren asked. 

“Yeah, (Y/N) watched the latest trailer during class. She’s really excited about it,” Jean told him.

Warren felt himself get shaky with nerves and excitement. He could ask her to go see it with him. Just him. Not with the whole group, or Jubilee third-wheeling, or Jean and Scott with them, making out in the seat next to them. 

Wait. 

Am I going to ask her on a date? Is that what this is? A date? 

“You good?” Scott asked.

“What?” Warren glanced at him. “Oh, yeah… Yeah, I’m good.” 

“Okay.”

Warren went back to his phone, pressing reply to (Y/N)’s story post about the Addams Family movie coming out. 

He started to type out a message. 

“Hey. Would you want to see this together when it comes out? We could also go out for dinner?” Warren then promptly deleted the entire message. 

No, no. That makes me sound like a lonely middle-aged mom. He thought to himself.

“I think it was fine!”

“Ah!” Warren flinched. “Did you read my mind, Jean?” 

“No…” Jean denied.

Warren frowned. 

“I was curious as to what you were doing, and you were really nervous and your thoughts are loud anyway.” 

“What?” Scott asked. 

“Warren’s trying to ask (Y/N) out on a date to the movies,” Jean explained.

“It’s not a date!” Warren tried to defend.

“When is it ever going to be a date?” Scott asked. “It wasn’t a date when she slept over in your room and you watched Phineas and Ferb and ordered pizza. It wasn’t a date when you spent three hours at the library studying together. It wasn’t a date when you spent the afternoon together and she told you her secret brownie recipe! When is it ever going to be a date?”

“I… I don’t… Those were not dates...” 

“They kind of were,” Jean admitted. “That’s what people do on dates. Scott and I do stuff like that all the time…” 

Warren blinked. 

“You’ve dated people before, right?” Scott asked him.

“I mean “date” is a loose term but, yeah…” 

 Scott decided he didn’t have time to unpack that sentence. “Okay. What did you do with them to like, spend time together, and stuff?”

“We mostly just got drunk and hooked up…” 

Scott sighed, “You sound like my brother after he got out of jail.” 

“Warren, have… you… never been on a real date before?” Jean asked.

“Well, um, I mean, my last “girlfriend” and I went to clubs and stuff in Germany, but we’d usually go with some friends…” He admitted.   

“Oh my god…” Scott mumbled.

Warren panicked. “Wait, did— Did (Y/N) think we were dating this whole time?” 

“I don’t know,” Jean shrugged.

“Everyone else thought you guys were,” Scott muttered. 

“So we’ve been dating this whole time?” 

“I mean, kind of…” 

Warren paled. He had no idea what to do. Were they dating? Were they not dating? What was he supposed to do as a boyfriend? Or not a boyfriend? 

“Just ask her, ‘what are we?’ That should clear things up.” 

Warren gawked at Scott. “What are we? That’s the cliche that makes guys run for the hills! I can’t ask her that!”

“(Y/N)’s reasonable,” Jean reminded him. “If you ask her that, she won’t run away.” 

Warren didn’t say anything back. 

“Just ask her what you were originally going to say on Instagram.”

Warren whined. 

“Do it now.” Jean advised. “Before Jubilee makes plans to see the movie with her.” 

Warren paled at the possibility of (Y/N) not being available. He quickly typed out another message and sent it. 

“Oh my god! Oh my god, I just did that! Hhhhh…” Warren quickly threw his phone on the table and refused to look at it. 

Jean chuckled and rolled her eyes, taking his phone to see if (Y/N) replied.

—

(Y/N) finished her test early and decided to check up on some of the plants in the attic greenhouse before her next class. 

She had been focusing on a baby caladium, making sure it had plenty of sun and water and was growing at a healthy pace. 

(Y/N) named it, Warren Worthington IV, but she told no one and would take that piece of information to the grave.  

 As she was poking Warren the Fourth’s soil to see if it needed water for the day, she felt her phone vibrate against her thigh in her pocket. 

She pulled it out to see that Warren— the Third— had replied to her Instagram story. Her eyes turned pink just by reading his name on her phone screen.  

“Do you want to see this together Friday night? We could go to Chili’s before and get dinner?”

(Y/N) read the message over at least ten times. Dinner and a movie? Was Warren asking her on a date? 

Her eyes were orange in confusion and purple due to nerves. 

She took a few minutes but finally responded with, “Yeah! There’s a showing on Friday at 9 at the theatre by the mall. Does that work?” 

Warren immediately hearted the message and said, “Yeah :)” 

(Y/N) hearted his message. Excited and a bit nervous for Friday, she left the attic and headed to her next class. 

—

(Y/N) ignored any work she had after class and immediately went through her closet, rummaging for clothes.

“Whatcha doing?” Ororo asked, setting her books on her bed. 

“You’ve been on plenty of not date dates,” (Y/N) began. Ororo gave her a curious look. “What would you wear?”

“Are you going out on a date?” Ororo asked. 

“Well, not exactly…” (Y/N) confessed. 

Ororo smirked as she opened her notebook and started working on an assignment, “Is it with Warren?”

“Who else would it be?” (Y/N) asked.

“I don’t know… Dylan from math class? Ruby from my yoga class? The handful of people from Bayville you’ve kissed at house parties before you even knew Warren? There are options.”

(Y/N) was not amused. 

“Are you and Warren going out on a date? Or is this a ‘we’re just hanging out… alone together… but just as friends! Because we are friends! Who like each other very romantically! But we refuse to do anything about it!’”

(Y/N) sighed. “Okay, so he didn’t explicitly say it was a date, but we’re seeing the new Addams Family movie and going to Chili’s.” 

Ororo blinked in shock, Warren asked (Y/N) to see a movie about one of her favorite franchises and go to one of her favorite go-to restaurants, and he didn’t clarify if it was a date or not? 

What a dumbass, Ororo mused, tearing herself away from her work to go on her phone.

 Ororo

Are you and (Y/N) going on a date?

 No response. 

Ororo went back to her homework, glancing at (Y/N) every so often to give feedback on the numerous items she pulled out of her closet. 

“Is a dress too much?” 

“Definitely,” Ororo stated without looking up. “I’ve only worn a dress twice since I came here and one I borrowed from Jubilee.” 

(Y/N) sighed and kept looking for options. Ororo’s phone screen lit up, and she quickly grabbed it, checking to see if Warren responded.

 Warren

I think so???

 Ororo

What do you mean? “i tHiNk So” 

 Warren

*not amused emoji* 

I’m not sure if we’re dating or not. We were gonna talk about it at dinner.

 “Are you and Warren dating?” Ororo asked. 

(Y/N) froze at the question, unsure what to say. “I mean… no… but like, we like each other— or I like him. I think he likes me. Sometimes I’m not really sure—”

“—(Y/N),” Ororo interrupted. “He likes you a lot. Assume this is a date.” 

“Assume— What?” (Y/N) gaped.   

Ororo looked at her phone again, seeing five text messages from Warren in panic, asking why she didn’t respond.

 Ororo

Calm down!

You should thank me

 Warren

Ro…

What did you do?...

 Ororo

You have to trust me… ;)

 Warren

*Not amused emoji*

 Ororo left Warren on read and continued her assignment. Until someone barged into the room, unexpected.

Jubilee came in, bubbling with enthusiasm. “I heard from Jean! Oh my god, I have to help you pick out an outfit! This is huge!” 

“It’s not a date…” (Y/N) awkwardly tried to explain.

“Oh, no— it definitely is!” 

Ororo and (Y/N) were both confused. 

“We all know Warren is a little… emotionally hesitant…” Juilee carefully stated. “But like, if it was anyone else they would have literally said, “Wanna go on a date with me and see The Addams Family?” Warren’s just scared you’d say no— which you’d never do.” 

“Is he— I thought he knew I liked him?”

“He’s a guy,” Jubilee explained as she looked in (Y/N)’s closet for something she could wear. “They never know what they’re doing.”

(Y/N) sat on the floor, with more questions than answers from everything Jubilee had said.

“This would be perfect!” It was a black skater skirt. “Skirts are your best friend in times like these.” 

“Huh?” 

“Incase anything happens… Duh!” Jubilee stated it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. (Y/N) didn’t respond, causing Jubilee to groan. 

“From That 70s Show? Skirts are your best friend for sex. Zip, zip, bim, bam! You’re done, you’re dressed, you’re back to whatever you were doing. Nobody suspects a thing!” 

“Jubilee, they’re seeing a kids movie, not having sex,” Ororo told her.

“Hmm…” Jubilee crossed her arms. “You should still wear the skirt. You look really pretty in it anyway.” 

(Y/N) sat there, eyes wide and purple, mind reeling, trying to process what Jubilee said.

“We’re… We’re not going to have sex, are we? I’m not— I don’t think— I don’t even know if we’re dating or not!” 

“Hey, hey— Jubilee’s just messing around.” Ororo moved from her bed to sit next to (Y/N) and rub her back. “She’s just used to Scott and Jean’s shenanigans. Plus, Warren’s a good guy! He won’t pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to and he’s too nervous to do anything like that anyway.”

 “Warren’s like, obsessed with you, in a good way. And if he doesn’t respect your boundaries I can snap his neck for you.” Jubilee innocently smiled and batted her eyes. 

“Thanks… Do you think my soft dark green sweater would look good with the skirt?”

  “Oh my god yes!” Jubilee grabbed it out of the closet and set it on (Y/N)’s bed. “And with your Doc Martens? Goth little plant goddess vibes. I love it.”

“You think I’ll be warm enough? Should I bring a jacket?” (Y/N) checked the weather on her phone. 

“You should be fine! Besides, if you’re cold…” Jubilee smirked. “You can always cuddle with Warren in the movie theatre.” 

Ororo smiled and rolled her eyes, while (Y/N) decided to humor her, “I’ll keep it in mind.” 

—

Friday couldn’t come soon enough— Warren kept thinking about how (Y/N) said, “Yes.” And about what might happen, how he would bring up the question that would change everything. He was distracted during training, nervous, and lost in thought. He constantly talked about his weekend plans with some of their friends. 

Some found it annoying at first, but most had never seen Warren so passionate about something before. It was sweet.

“I dunno, I just want things to go well. But what if I make things awkward? I say or do something really stupid? What if I spill my drink all over my crotch and then it looks like I peed myself?”

“That’s not going to happen,” Ororo reassured him. 

“What if our server flirts with her?”

“Just glare at them. You’re scary enough.” 

Warren sighed, wishing time moved as fast for him as it did for Peter.

“Just be yourself and have a good time. Open doors for her, tell her she’s beautiful, if she’s cold give her your jacket, walk her back to her dorm room— things like that.” Ororo told him. “Those will make it obvious that it’s a date. Because you guys do date activities all the time, and you refuse to admit it’s a date.” 

Warren huffed at her. Ororo stuck out her tongue.  

—

It was Friday.

(Y/N) had been antsy in all of her classes, just wanting them to end so she could get ready for the night. 

She had her outfit picked out and ready. (Y/N) planned on light makeup— a little eyeshadow and lipgloss— and she had a small little purse packed with a few things. 

 (Y/N) started to doubt herself. “Maybe a skirt is too much… It’s dinner and a movie… Maybe I should just wear jeans…”  

She huffed as she held the skirt up to her waist. “But I wanna look cute… Screw it!” 

(Y/N) slipped the skirt and sweater on, doing a french tuck, and then started to apply makeup. She was done in under thirty minutes, and then looked over her hair in the mirror, trying to hastily pluck out leaves and shove flowers into different areas of her head and strategically place them under specific sections. 

Once (Y/N) was satisfied with how she looked, she checked the time. It was 5:30, and (Y/N) and Warren weren’t leaving until six. So she had time to just sit around and wait.

(Y/N) pulled her phone out and opened Snapchat, choosing to take at least a hundred selfies with different filters. 

Holding her phone from different angles, making different faces, posing in slightly different positions, and choosing a new filter every five photos, almost like a mini-photoshoot in the palm of her hand. Some selfies got posted to her Snapchat story, others were sent to Jubilee and Ororo, and the remainder were saved but would probably never see the light of day. She huffed and tapped through people’s Snapchat stories to kill more time.

Warren asked Jubilee for help. 

Well, he didn’t exactly ask, she just texted him, “I’m helping you get ready.” And he thanked her. 

“One of the hottest things a guy can do is have good hygiene. You, surprisingly, already have accomplished that—”

“Hey!” Warren frowned as he pulled his leather jacket out from his closet. “Did you, like, think I didn’t?”

“No! I’m just surprised you know what exfoliate means… Do you have a different jacket? That one is cute and everything, but it’s a bit much.” 

“It’s the easiest one I can get my wings out of,” Warren explained while slipping on a black shirt.

“Why? Also, do you only wear black?” Jubilee complained.

“In case (Y/N) gets cold…? Also, no, I have that one yellow sweater you made me get and some white shirts.” Warren defended.

Jubilee almost scoffed, “(Y/N)’s not going to get cold. You’re going out to eat and the movies.”

“Well, Ororo said I should give her my jacket in case she is cold.” 

“Fair enough,” Jubilee mumbled. “I was supposed to hang out with Ororo tonight… We were going to make Tiktoks and watch Wonder Woman.”

“I thought she went stargazing with Kurt?” Warren asked as he laced up his boots. 

“Yeah! And they didn’t invite me!” Jubilee flopped onto Kurt’s empty bed and huffed.

“Jubilee— I don’t think—”

“I’m a fucking delight to be around!” 

Warren’s eyes widened, “I didn’t say you weren’t.” 

“It sucks because Kurt’s got the accent, he can sword fight, he likes movies but hates Tarantino, he’s respectful, god and he’s just as hot as Ororo.” 

“Um…” Warren furrowed his brows. “Do you think, maybe— maybe uh, Ororo thinks you like Kurt?” 

Jubilee looked at him with a deadpan expression. Warren panicked, thinking he said the wrong thing. 

“I like both of them, Bird brain! It’s the fact they haven’t expressed liking me at all and probably don’t want that. Also like half of the girls at Bayville think Kurt’s hot and try to kiss him at house parties.” 

“Oh…” Warren hadn’t considered that. “Um… I uh, I had a threesome once—” 

“Oh my god! Stop!” Jubilee cringed. “I don’t wanna hear about that right now! Go get your girlfriend, and like, yawn, and stretch your arm out over her while Gomez confesses his undying love for Morticia for the millionth time.” 

“Okay, okay.” Warren grabbed his phone and wallet. “Don’t spend all night in here,” He advised, leaving Jubilee alone in his room. 

—

Warren sent (Y/N) a text, asking if she was ready. She said yes, and asked him to meet her in the common room area. 

Warren found her sitting in a lounge chair, talking to a student. (Y/N) turned her head and saw Warren. She got up and smiled, bid the other person goodbye, and then walked over to Warren. 

“Hey!” She greeted him. 

“Uh, hey.” Warren tried to discreetly check her out. She looked nice. “You look really nice.” 

“Oh, uh, thanks.” (Y/N)’s pink eyes shifted to a slightly purple hue. “You do too.”   

“Thanks… Are you ready to go?” 

(Y/N) nodded, “Yeah. What car are we taking?”

“Um…” Warren realized he didn’t decide on which one of Xavier’s numerous cars he was taking out for the night. Not that it mattered, but he was a bit frustrated with himself on that one. 

“I don’t know…” 

(Y/N) snickered to herself. “That’s fine. It doesn’t matter. Jubilee and I do have a rule though.” 

“What is it?” 

“Whatever car Scott and Jean took last, don’t even touch it.” 

Warren blinked, “I don’t get it.” 

(Y/N)’s eyes turned purple completely. 

“Um, uh, it’s cause um— it’s not... clean...”

“Oh…” Suddenly, everything connected in Warren’s mind.  

“Oh!”       

(Y/N) nodded, “Yeah...” 

“Scott likes the Oldsmobile rocket. Maybe we should avoid that one…”

“Yeah. Yeah…”

They picked a different car. Warren didn’t get a chance to open the door for (Y/N), but he told himself the night had only just begun, and he’d get another chance. 

 “Want me to play some music?” (Y/N) asked.

“Sure! Play whatever you want.”

“You don’t have a preference or anything…?” She questioned, while her thumb hovered over the play button of a playlist. 

“Not really… Besides, I can pick next time.” 

(Y/N)’s eyes flashed purple and she mumbled in agreement and started a playlist. 

Warren cursed internally to himself. Why would I say that? Why did I say that!? As if I’d have the privilege of going out with her again after that dumbass sentence. 

Warren made a lame attempt to change the subject. “Are you excited about the movie?”

 “Yeah! They announced the cast like a year ago, and I thought it was going to be live-action, but animation is probably better for The Addams Family. It’s supposed to be really good! Oscar Isaac is voicing Gomez—” 

“—Who?”

“Poe from Star Wars…”

“Finn’s boyfriend?” Warren asked.

(Y/N) smiled, “Yeah, yeah. Him.” 

“I haven’t seen anything else he’s been in, but Kurt and Scott say he’s a really good actor.”

“Hmm…” I wonder if she thinks he’s hot… I mean Oscar is, but I doubt I can compete with that. 

No, no, Worthington. Remember what Jean said, “No self-deprecating thoughts.”

“Pugsley’s voiced by Finn Wolfhard. He was in Stranger Things…”

Warren nodded, he knew what Stranger Things was. He watched it with Jubilee, Kurt, and Ororo over Labor Day weekend.  

“He plays Will, right?” 

“No. Finn has curly hair…” “Dustin?...” Warren was unsure about his answer, but he knew Dustin had curly hair. 

“Mike. Eleven’s boyfriend? Black hair?” 

“Oh… Okay… I feel really stupid. I should have known that.” 

(Y/N) scoffed, “You’re fine. There’s like seven of them, and that’s not even including the adults and the characters our age.”

“Yeah, that’s true, I guess. I might rewatch it…” 

An idea came to (Y/N), “We should have like, a marathon with our friends! We could also play D&D.” 

“I never played before,” Warren admitted. 

“I haven’t either really… but I kind of know how to play… Scott’s played before! He was really into D&D before he came to Xavier’s.” 

Warren chuckled quietly, “That doesn’t surprise me.” 

“Yeah, he’s kind of a dork, but just because you play a board game doesn’t mean you’re lame.”

“Yeah— Do you see any parking spots?” Warren asked.

(Y/N) shifted in her seat, looking for an empty spot, “Yeah, right there.” 

 Warren slowed down and started to pull in. “God, I’m so bad at parking. Please don’t judge me.” 

(Y/N) laughed, “You can’t be bad as Jubilee. She tried to park at the mall and ran over a curb. We thought the tired popped off!” 

“No!” Warren gasped. 

(Y/N) nodded, “The car was fine, but Jubilee had Jean drive home.” 

Warren snickered as he put the car in park and then turned it off. 

(Y/N) got out before Warren could open the door for her. He bit his lip in frustration. 

“Oh, the sun is so pretty!” (Y/N) cooed. “I love golden hour sometimes.”

 “I don’t… What?” Warren wasn’t too sure what golden hour was. Jubilee had mentioned it before, but he never asked what it meant. 

“Come here—” (Y/N) pulled out her phone and held it horizontally. “Get in the frame and smile!” 

Warren obliged, smiling and doing an awkward peace sign. (Y/N) grinned, also doing a peace sign, with her eyes closed and tongue poking out slightly. 

“Let me see how it turned out— Oh my god! We look amazing.” She was practically gleaming as she angled the phone towards Warren so he could see the photo. 

Warren smiled. 

“Want me to send this to you?” (Y/N) asked. 

“Yeah, sure.” 

“There!” (Y/N) smiled. “I sent it.” Warren thanked her and they headed into Chili’s.  

He managed to open the door in time for (Y/N). 

“Oh…” Her eyes shifted to a slight violet hue, the nerves of is this a date or not? Coming back to her. “Thanks…” 

“You’re welcome.”  

The hostess greeted them and asked how many were in their party. 

“Two,” Warren responded. 

“Alright, follow me.” She grabbed two menus and had them follow her to a booth.

“Here you guys are. Your server will be with you soon.” 

“Oh my god, I’m really hungry…” (Y/N) unfolded her menu and buried her nose in it.

“Uh, me too…” Warren browsed his menu.

“Hi, I’m Ariana, I’ll be your server tonight! What can I get you guys started with to drink?”

“I’ll have a Coke Zero,” Warren told her.

“I’ll have a strawberry lemonade,” (Y/N) answered. 

“I’ll get those right out for you.” 

“Thanks!”

She walked off, leaving Warren and (Y/N) alone. 

“Do you know what you’re gonna get?” (Y/N) asked. She was eyeing the nachos and the chicken crispers.

“Uh… Not really…” Warren awkwardly admitted. “The fajitas look good, but that’s a lot of food.” 

“Yeah, they’re good though.” 

Their server came back with their drinks asking if they needed more time to look at the menu. She smiled and said she’d be back. 

“You’ve been here before, right?” (Y/N) asked Warren. She swore he had, but perhaps she was wrong.

“Once, with the guys. We were comforting Peter after another failed Tinder date. I think I got... nachos? I don’t remember.” 

(Y/N) chuckled to herself. “Peter needs to try another dating app.”

“He’s got like three.” 

“Oh, jeez— Jubilee almost downloaded tinder but she doesn’t need it.” 

Warren furrowed his brows, “Huh? Isn’t she into that one dude from Bayville? And Ororo?”

(Y/N) nodded and took a sip of her lemonade. 

Warren jokingly rolled his eyes. “I don’t think I’ll ever understand her.” 

Ariana came back, asking if they were ready to order. 

“Yeah, um, I’ll have the nachos with chicken,” (Y/N) told her. 

“Nachos with chicken,” Ariana repeated. “And you?” She asked Warren.

“I’ll have the Santa Fe chicken salad.”

She wrote it down on a little notepad, “Santa Fe chicken salad. Alrighty! Those will be right out.” 

“Thanks.”

“Thank you.” 

(Y/N) took another sip of her lemonade, letting it fill the silence. 

Warren was suddenly very nervous. “Um…”  “You okay?... Is there something on my face? Do I have lipstick on my teeth?” (Y/N) started to worry. 

“You don’t have any lipstick on…” Warren stated a bit dumbfounded. 

“Oh…” 

“Um, anyway, I um— I like— I want, no. Um, is this— Is this a date?” 

“Um…” (Y/N) froze up for a moment. “You asked me out.” 

“Um, yeah, if you don’t want this to be a date, it like, isn’t then, you know? I mean, I didn’t really specify.”

“I kind of thought this was a date,” (Y/N) admitted.

Kind of… That’s good— Wait. Does she not want this to be a date?

“Do you want this to be a date?” Warren asked.

“Uh, yeah. I wouldn’t mind if it was, but like, we’re just friends so if you didn’t mean for it to be a date then that’s cool. Pretend I didn’t say anything.” 

(Y/N) avoided eye contact as she drank more lemonade, her eyes fully purple.   

“No, no! Um, I do want this to be a date. I um, I really, uh, I really like you.” Warren nervously confessed.

God, I hope I die here, right now, He silently pleaded. 

“Uh, yeah… I like you too… That’s kind of why I’ve been like, hanging out with you, alone, um, a lot…” 

“Me, um— me too.” Warren awkwardly took a sip of his soda. 

“Great.” 

“Great.”

“...”

“...” 

“Are— are we... dating?” Warren asked.

“Uh… I guess so?” (Y/N) wasn’t too sure how to respond, but when she saw Warren’s face fall slightly she quickly changed her words. 

“I mean, I think we are. I hope so. Um—”

“—We’re dating then?” Warren asked.

“We’re dating!” 

“Great!”

“Great!”

Soon as they figured it out, Ariana came in with their food. 

“Alright, I’ve got the Sante Fe chicken salad,” She set the plate in front of Warren. “And the nachos with chicken!” She set that plate in front of (Y/N). 

“Do you guys need anything else?” 

“I think we’re good for now,” Warren told her. “Thanks, though.” 

“Let me know if you need anything!” Ariana left the couple to eat their food. 

“Oh my gosh, yours looks really good,” (Y/N) commented.  

 “You can have some if you want,” Warren offered. 

“Oh, thanks!” 

“Yeah, of course.” 

The conversation died down a bit as Warren and (Y/N) focused on their food, but Warren was internally stressing.

I have no idea what boyfriends do. Am I doing a good job right now? What if she tells Jubilee and then Jubilee murders me because so far I’m a shitty boyfriend? 

Maybe I can hold her hand while we watch The Addams Family… How do I initiate that? What if she doesn’t want to hold my hand? 

Why do I want to hold her hand?... Warren almost visibly shuddered at the feeling of love. Ew… feelings…

Warren snapped back into reality for a moment, watching (Y/N) spill a piece of chicken into her lap. 

“Shoot!” 

Warren didn’t need his eyes to turn pink to show he was awestruck by her. She’s adorable… I’m so lucky to be her boyfriend…

—

Once they had finished, their server Ariana came back asking if they needed to-go boxes and if they wanted the check.

“Do you want it separate or together?” 

“Together,” Warren told her. (Y/N) furrowed her brows for a moment, eyes a bit orange, as Ariana left to go get the check. 

“I’m paying,” Warren stated nonchalantly as he got his card out. 

“Oh, okay.” 

Ariana came back with two to-go boxes and the check. 

Warren handed her his card and she walked away. 

(Y/N) started to put her leftover nachos in her box. Warren scooped his leftover salad into his to-go box. 

“Alright! Here’s your card and receipt,” Ariana handed those to Warren. “Do you guys need anything else?” 

“I think we’re good.” 

“Alright! Have a good night!” 

“You too!”

Warren was figuring out how much to tip. “Is like, $10 good?” 

“What?” (Y/N) asked.

“To tip…?” Warren awkwardly said.

“What’s the total?”

“Uh… $28.76.” 

“Warren, that’s like a 35% tip, right?” (Y/N) asked.

Warren shrugged. “Look, servers don’t get paid enough.” 

“You’re right.” 

Warren finished filling out his receipt, then he looked at (Y/N). “Are you ready to go?” 

“Yep! I’ll get the boxes.” (Y/N) picked hers up and reached over for Warren’s.

“No, I got it. I can carry them.” 

“No, I can carry them,” (Y/N) insisted. 

“I’m your boyfriend, let me carry them,” Warren insisted. 

(Y/N)’s heart did a flip at the fact he said, boyfriend. 

“... Fine…” She let Warren carry the to-go boxes. 

He also managed to open the door for her when they left. 

(Y/N) was still trying to process the fact they were dating. 

What’s the date? I should write it down. So I can remember for our first anniversary! 

Will we last that long?... I hope so… I really like Warren… Maybe I should tell him?

No… That’s kind of embarrassing…

“So…” (Y/N) trailed off.

“Yeah?” Warren asked, eyes on the road.

“I don’t know…” She admitted.

“Oh…” Things were starting to get awkward. Warren didn’t want things to be awkward. Awkwardness would ruin the relationship.

But Warren was bad at small talk. He was bad at socializing, period. And while he had improved, he still got nervous. He hated being nervous— scared. He didn’t want to come off as weak or vulnerable. 

But he didn’t want to come off as scary or cold-hearted either. 

It was a hard scale to balance. 

“Okay, I don’t want to be rude, but who taught you how to drive?” (Y/N) asked.

“Sean…?” Warren stated. 

(Y/N) face practically lit up in realization, “That explains a lot.”

”What do you mean?”

“You were taught how to drive by someone who originally learned how to drive on the other side of the road!”

“That— What does that have to do with my shitty parking?” Warren asked. “I drive on the “right side of the road”. 

(Y/N) laughed. 

“Look,” Warren explained. “If I’m bad at parking that’s on me. The lines caught me!” 

“Haha! Yeah.” (Y/N) laughed. “At least you don’t hit curbs like Jubilee.” 

Warren laughed, “Yeah!” 

“Come on— I want to get good seats!” Warren put the car in park and turned it off. (Y/N) and he both got out and walked towards the theatre. Along the way she (not-so) discreetly slipped her hand into Warren’s. He blushed and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. (Y/N) did her best to not grin her face off. 

Warren had to let go of (Y/N)’s hand momentarily, so he could open the door, causing her to frown a bit and her eyes to go a bit grey. 

This is a crime! I don’t want to let go of his hand!

Warren slipped his hand back into (Y/N)’s once they were inside, and her eyes went back to their “normal” pink shade. 

Warren paid for their tickets and they picked out seats in the back row. They weren’t in the center, but sitting in the back row was best due to Warren’s wings. 

“Auditorium three is on your left!” The ticket ripper told them as she ripped their tickets in half and handed them back. 

“Thanks!... Do you want any snacks?” Warren asked (Y/N) as they passed the concession stand to auditorium three. 

“Nah, I’m not hungry,” (Y/N) said. “You?”

“No, not really.” 

They walked into auditorium three and looked around for their seats. 

“Wow, it’s really crowded,” Warren observed. He was a bit nervous, folding his wings back tightly as he could. 

“Yeah, it’s opening night,” (Y/N) reminded him. “Row G is up this way.”

He was used to the stares for the most part, but he hadn’t been exposed to many kids and soccer moms outside the mansion— not that there exactly were any soccer moms at Xavier’s. 

Luckily, Warren didn’t see anyone glare at him or (Y/N). They both got into their seats without any problem. Their seats were recliners, where if you moved the arm up, you could almost be on top of each other. 

Warren thought this would be perfect for him to maybe wrap his arm around (Y/N), but he was far too nervous. Their hands were still intertwined, which was good enough for him, but Warren was trying with all his might to not have his hand get sweaty. 

That would be so embarrassing…

Once they got situated, and the movie trailers began, (Y/N)’s eyes were focused on the screen. Warren glanced at her for a moment, once the lights dimmed, but his gaze quickly flickered to the screen as to not get caught.

“That movie looks good!” (Y/N) whispered into Warren’s ear. He nodded, not exactly sure what he should respond with. 

Halfway through the film, while Gomez was saying something stupidly romantic to Morticia, Warren did something risky.

Well, not necessarily risky, but if Jubilee or Scott caught him doing it, they’d tease him relentlessly.  

Warren yawned, not very loudly, and then stretched his arm out and over (Y/N)’s shoulders. He fiddled with a leave that dangled from her head. 

His heart was racing. Oh my god, she’s going to think I’m a weirdo. Why did I do that? Who even does the yawn and stretch move anymore? Literally no one!

(Y/N)’s heart started racing when she realized what he had done, Oh my god! Oh my god… This is happening! Oh my god! Just relax, (Y/N), just relax. Be cool. Warren’s cool… he’s being effortless at this “dating” thing… 

They were both too nervous to initiate any further and decided to get reabsorbed in the plot of the movie.

—

As the credits rolled and the lights came back on, Warren and (Y/N) gained space between them awkwardly pretending like nothing happened. 

(Y/N) filled the awkward silence by raving about the film. 

��I loved it! I thought it was so cool, you could see all the family members in the background and like, the backstory they gave them was really creative, and just oh my god the animation style was super neat too! I liked what they did with Ophelia’s design, even though she wasn’t in it very long.”

“Who’s Ophelia?” Warren asked. 

“So she’s Morticia’s sister— they look almost the same, except Morticia is goth and Ophelia is more like me. She has flowers growing on her head and stuff— she was in the background, you probably missed her.”

“That’s cool,” Warren mused. 

“Yeah, she was more in the TV show… What did you think of the movie?” 

“Oh! I thought it was really good! I liked it. The story really, like, reaches out to modern issues and stuff…” 

“Like how everyone was rude to the Addams family because they were gothic and a little different?” (Y/N) asked as she pushed open the door. 

“Yeah. I think if the Addams were real, they’d be mutants,” Warren said as they walked out on to the parking lot.   

“Oh definitely!” (Y/N) agreed. 

Warren smiled as he fished the car keys out of his pocket, and unlocked the car. 

(Y/N) and Warren both got in the car and put on their seat belts. Warren then backed out of the parking lot and made his way onto the main road to drive back to Xavier’s. 

“So uh… Are we gonna, like, tell our friends we’re dating?” (Y/N) asked.

Warren blinked. 

“Yeah? Did you— do you not want to?” Warren felt like he had just seen someone kick a puppy.

“No!— No, I do!” (Y/N) clarified.

Whew!

 “I just— I don’t know how I guess? Jubilee walked in on Jean and Scott making out in her room and then she told everyone and then Scott was all, like, super awkward about it, but then they admitted they were dating.”  

“Sounds stressful,” Warren decided. “We could just like, text the group chat?”

“Yeah,” (Y/N) shrugged. “That works.”

 X-BABES

 (Y/N)

So… Warren and I dating

 Jubilee

Finally!

 Scott

^^lol. Congrats.

 Kurt

Weren’t you already dating?

 (Y/N)

No?...

 Kurt

…

……….

 (Y/N) laughed quietly to herself. 

“What’s up?” Warren asked.

“Kurt thought we were dating this whole time,” She explained.

“Oh… Oh?” 

(Y/N) nodded, “Yeah.” 

“I didn’t— I didn’t tell him anything— that like, wasn’t true. I don’t know why he thought that—”

(Y/N) giggled. “Ren, it’s fine. We’ve shared a bed before— in your guys’ room no less— he’s gonna assume stuff.” 

“Still…” 

“Well, we’re dating now… So, it doesn’t really matter,” (Y/N) pointed out.

Warren couldn’t hide the blush on his face at the fact they were finally dating. He hoped it was too dark for (Y/N) to see it.

“Do I turn left here?” He asked.

“Yeah, then you turn into the gates.” 

Warren did so and drove around the X-Mansion, into the garage.   

“I’ll grab the food and put it in the fridge,” (Y/N) told Warren as he turned the car off. 

“Okay.” 

They both got out of the car— (Y/N) opening the back door to grab the white to-go boxes.

Warren followed her into the mansion. 

They stopped in the kitchen and (Y/N) set the boxes on the counter. “Do you see a sticky note or a pen or something? I need to mark these as ours.” 

“Uh…” Warren looked around the room before spotting a marker. “Here,” He handed it to (Y/N). She scribbled their names down and shoved the leftovers into the fridge.  

 “Now what do you wanna do?” (Y/N) asked Warren.

“Uh… we could um… like, go upstairs maybe?” 

“Do you want to?” She asked.

“I mean if you want to, yeah.” 

“Oh, um, okay.” 

Warren panicked a bit. “If you don’t we don’t have to. We can, like, just kind of chill and see what our friends are doing.” 

“No, no, it’s fine.” 

“Oh, okay.” Warren avoided awkward eye contact as they headed upstairs. 

“We could, um, go to my room…?” (Y/N) offered up. 

“Uh, yeah, that sounds good,” Warren was nervous. He wasn’t sure why— He had no reason to be. He’d been in (Y/N)’s room before. Alone. They’d also spent loads of time together alone doing “couple things” as Scott put it. 

So why was he nervous?

Warren didn’t have time to linger on the thought as he walked into (Y/N)’s room. 

It was a bit cluttered, but he wouldn’t consider it messy. With plants strewn everywhere— floor, walls, ceiling— and some books, posters, and other things you’d expect in (Y/N) and Ororo’s room. 

Ororo wasn’t there though.

“Um, I had a really fun time tonight,” (Y/N) said. Her back was facing Warren for a moment as she doted on a small potted plant. 

“Me too… um… what are you doing tomorrow?” 

“Uh, nothing? I mean Jubilee mentioned going to the skate park tomorrow to take pictures… but she didn’t really say when…” (Y/N) trailed off and turned around to face Warren. 

Their eyes met. (Y/N) stepped forward, towards him.

She glanced at his lips for a moment too long. 

Warren gulped. 

“Can I kiss you…?” (Y/N) murmured. 

Warren’s mouth gaped. “Uh, yeah.” 

(Y/N) leaned in to kiss him, her hands cupping his face. Their lips met. (Y/N) shifted her head a bit as her lips pressed onto his and kissed him. She hooked his bottom lip with her teeth, lightly biting it for a moment. Her hands grabbed the hair near the nape of his neck. 

Warren’s arms were wrapped around her waist, his hands resting on the small of her back. 

(Y/N)’s tongue snuck into his mouth, their lips still pressing together. Warren could feel her smiling. Warren had to break away, for a moment, and regain compulsion. 

(Y/N)’s eyes flashed grey for a split second. She didn’t want to stop. She had become ravenous for Warren’s lips, his tongue… for him in general. It wasn’t exactly a new feeling, but it was foreign, and she liked it.

She blinked. “Sorry, um, I didn’t mean— um, never mind.” 

Warren’s jaw was practically slack. He was speechless. He was not expecting that. At all.

“Warren?” (Y/N) asked. “Are you okay?” 

“What? Yeah, I’m fine!”Warren tried to seem chill.  “I’m fine.” 

“Oh… Well, um, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything.” (Y/N) started to worry a bit, thinking maybe she went too far and he didn’t like it.

“I’m— I’m’ not uncomfortable— uh, far from it actually— um, it was, it was really nice, actually.” Warren hoped she wouldn’t look down. 

“Oh, okay. Good.”    

“Um, it’s kind of late—“ 

“—Yeah, definitely.” (Y/N) agreed. 

“You said you were going to… Ulta?... With Jubilee tomorrow?” Warren awkwardly asked.

(Y/N) nodded. 

“Um, I should probably go then… You don’t want to oversleep or anything…” Warren mentally scolded himself for being so awkward. He was usually better than that. 

“Oh, yeah… I’ll see you tomorrow though…” (Y/N) reminded him. “We live here…” 

“Right! Right…” 

“...”

“...” 

“I’m going to go to bed. Goodnight.” Warren quickly kissed (Y/N)’s cheek and headed out the door to his dorm. 

(Y/N) stood there, still processing what just happened. 

“Oh my god… Oh my god! OH MY GOD!” (Y/N) let out. 

She buried her face in her hands. “HOLY SHIT! I like— Oh my god! I did that. I kissed Warren with force and passion and with tongue!” She exclaimed. 

“I kissed my boyfriend with tongue. I cannot believe I did that! Oh my god!” 

Unbeknownst to her, Warren had heard most of her excited screams as he left her room. He was ecstatic by her enthusiasm. 

Warren went down the halls to the boys’ dormitory. Kurt wasn’t in their room, leaving Warren alone. He wanted to be alone. Alone with his thoughts for the first time in a long time. Warren wanted to lay in his bed and have the night’s events replay in his mind as he fell asleep. 

Warren was officially dating (Y/N). 

He didn’t have to assume things, dance on eggshells wondering if he was doing too much, he no longer had to wish he was her, and Warren didn’t have to admire her in secret. 

Warren wanted to text her, but he wasn’t sure what to say. He sighed, and slipped into some pajamas, and brushed his teeth, leaving his phone open. Hoping by some miracle (Y/N) would text first and he could spend the whole night overthinking what to say back. 

(Y/N) hadn’t texted him. 

Warren got under his sheets and settled into bed, lying on his back and looking up at the ceiling. 

He grabbed his phone and decided to text her. 

Warren looked at the last thing (Y/N) had sent him. It was the golden hour selfie they took together in the Chili’s parking lot. 

Warren thought he looked rather silly, but he liked the photo nonetheless. He saved it to his camera roll and turned it into his lock screen background. 

Warren couldn’t take it any longer, despite it only being a few minutes, he decided to text (Y/N). 

 Warren

hi 

 (Y/N)

heyyy I thought u were going to bed *side eye emoji*

Warren

Couldn’t sleep

 (Y/N) 

ohhh

whatcha doing right now?

 Warren

Laying in bed. not much really

 (Y/N) 

lol, me too. I just finished spraying the ivy hanging above my bed and my air plant, Clark

 Warren’s heart swelled and he smiled at (Y/N) being so passionate about her plants. 

 Warren

Is that the one in the llama pot?

 (Y/N)

Yea! he’s grown a lot since I got him *bug-eye emoji*

 Warren

That’s good! :)

 (Y/N) 

Yeah!!! 

I hate to do this but I’m really tired, so I’m going to go to sleep

 Warren

That’s okay!! I’m going to watch some YouTube or something to fall asleep. 

 (Y/N)

Okay

Goodnight! *kissy-face emoji with closed eyes and blush* *smiling and blushing face with closed eyes with three hearts around it*

 Warren

*bug-eyed emoji* night, flower

 Warren set his phone off to the side and shifted to a more comfortable position before drifting off to sleep. 

[goosedawn]

i've never listened to Friends At The Table (though it's on my list now, dnd campaigns podcast wooo!) what would the storyline of the crossover entail? with the HermitCraft characters i'm guessing it's chaotic and interesting 😊

:0!!!! :DDD!!!!!!! if u end up giving it a shot i hope u enjoy it! they dont actually play dnd, they play a bunch of other tabletop games which are all really neat also! (also if u need a suggestion for where to start if/when u get to it, feel free to drop me an ask)

the story follows the typical structure of "group is sent off to do tasks for money, and eventually realise something bigger is going on" so i am largely following the plot in that way, where groups of adventurers are sent out to investigate a series of towers that appear to have some connection to the gods of the world. ajhsjjejhfhjef most of my thoughts about the au are more character based,, so instead of a proper plot summary i can give details and thoughts on where some of the hermits fit into everything so far (while. trying to avoid the big twists revealed in the podcast ig,,?) i also ended up including some sleepybees (sbi + beeduo) in the au but im still not 100% sure on where they fit in (as in i have too many ideas djhdkndnj)

ANYWAY uhhhh some spoilers for the universe im basing this off of, under the cut cos it got long :'D

context/setting:

the specific arc/universe that this au is set in is the one from Seasons in Hieron (SiH) which is their fantasy season! (its. its long,, this arc spans i think. 3 seasons? plus a short interlude season)

the setting was previously a traditional fantasy world that had some sort of great catastrophe (the Erasure) happen, and the current world is after people have rebuilt a new society! its described as "post-fantasy, post-post-apocalyptic" its very fun and subversive and afhdjfbj the worldbuilding is just. real good :>

-----

characters:

im still figuring out where different hermits fit into the au but i am basically taking aspects of various characters from the podcast and splitting roles and traits to hermits, so its all mixed up! also,, there are just. so many hermits,, i have not found places for all of them (not even most of them i dont think) but here is what i have so far:

impulse and zedaph work in the New Archives (a series of huge warehouse-like archives run by the orcs of this world!) impulse is an orc, zed is not! impulse works to retrieve artifacts for the archive, and zed,, hes just kinda there. learning and experimenting with pattern magic (a type of magic done by arranging and rearranging things in specific configurations, often they are obscure and weird things like "27 brown birds in a tree, 5 table legs, 500 buttons, 16 steps to the east" etc.) when the story finds them they are studying a fallen tower in the center of the Mark of the Erasure (a location still showing the effect of the great cataclysm that befell the world)

tango vaguely takes the role of Ephraim, prince of something or rather,,, idk man hes cool and has fire powers, very anime. his powers were a gift from the gods, and he goes on to hv close relations w them! he meets up with impulse and zed later on and become fast friends obviously

joe is an expert in pattern magic, and is on the run from the archives after having stolen a pretty nondescript notebook. its a nice notebook! hes just a human guy. he writes and recites poetry in order to do pattern magic using the notebook!

cleo hails from the city of *Nacre*, where people get multiple chances at life. people from there can get killed but will exist on as zombies, then if they are killed again, they exist as ghosts, and then they pass away fully. she is an undead pirate captain that joe somehow manages to sway over to their side ahjbhfbjf,, she is hunting down the lost prince/king of Nacre.

wels is a pala-din (pal-ah-deen, rather than paladin), a sort of living marble statue that serves one of the gods in the pantheon.

scar is ofc, a wizard! it. it should be noted that wizards dont really exist in this world, people who perform and study magic are mages, not wizards,, "wizard" is kind of a weird term to use sjbdbjhfjjhb scar takes place of The Great Fantasmo in the podcast, and similarly has an invisible assistant! he doesnt seem to remember much of his past...

cubfan works in Velas, a fishing town where the story "begins" he does not enjoy talking to scar, and seems to be sad whenever hes around. perhaps scar reminds him of someone, or perhaps of better times...

tfc hes a priest aagsuijdjhkdgjdkihwhjvd i swear theres a reason for this later,, the role of the npc alyosha is somewhat split between tfc and cub!

-----

others i have thoughts on but im not settled on yet:

im debating having xisuma as part of the pantheon, but if not, he would be a druid so he can shapeshift into animals sjbakjnsnfjb he would take the general role of Fero in the story, but would also be kind of split with evil x, who captures... a certain stubbornness and deepset frustration Fero has in later times.

etho could take the place of Samol, the first god to exist. he is the embodiment of this world, and is kind of isolated and strange wbhshjhbdbhjdjbdkjn,, strange /pos. hes also. kind of dissapearing though... i wonder why :)

while theoratically i could have xisuma as samol cos. yknow. admin. i think the vibes and role just fit etho better

and... if i had etho as samol i think it could be fun to have doc and bdubs as other members of the pantheon, if u go with their dynamic from the start of s7 they even fit the divorced couple vibe two of the gods have /lh /hj (nho pantheon pog..? maybe. theres a total of 5 deities in the pantheon tho...)

im leaning toward either false + stress or maybe gem + pearl pairs for two of the goddesses in the pantheon, but thatd probably depend on if i can find a better place for them ;P

techno and phil take the role of red jack, and techno is a Huge Oni Dude >:] in canon red jack has a cool horse!!! it fits!! hes also. heavily implied to be kinda immortal?? anyway. im torn on this because techno and phil ALSO fit the roles of some of the player characters, with relation to the missing prince/king of Nacre but im still working things out,,

no matter whats up with them, ranboo takes the role of bluejay, redjacks son, meeting up with tubbo and tommy who take the place of benjamin, the son of one of the player characters. tubbo and tommy kind of. get sent to another dimension to keep them safe,,? and live in a lie for many years before they are brought back.

when i first thought about this au, i also thought about the whole. sending child off into fake dimension to live life, and of course. i thought about. grumbot ofc and originally planned to have mumbo or grian take the place of that player character abhdfvnbrvbn but it also implies one or both of them would be paladins (not pala-din! just the normal religious knight) AND have connections to tubbo and tommy which is. funny but ehhhh idk.

-----

and that. maybe probably somewhat incoherent train of thought is what i have for the au so far! its. still very much a work in progress so thank you if you stuck through all that!! ive still got a lot to think abt in the au,,,, lots to figure out ;P hopefully i can iron it out a bit more in the future, but its fun to think about for the time being

[nyomjoon]

why Kou is the best character in Ao Haru Ride

Why Kou is the best character in Ao Haru Ride & the most deserving of a fangirl club

to preface, the main girl (futaba) and main guy (kou) had crushes on each other in middle school, which would’ve progressed when kou invited her out to see her at a place near a clock. however, kou did not show up because one of their classmates questioned futaba on whether she fancied kou, and she was extremely introverted and replied that she hated boys - which she did. but, she had felt differently for kou since he was more gentle and less brutish than the other guys who were really the epitome of pubescent boys. so i see the appeal to kou. upon hearing this, kou decided not to show up in fear that she would not reciprocate his feelings. alas, she was left waiting in the cold for most of the night, and would not hear from him till highschool because he moved away due to his parents’ divorce. he also changes his last name from tanaka to mabuchi (this is significant). 

edit: it has been brought to my attention that kou hadn’t shown up bc it was his parents divorce that day. i might’ve missed this detail but i assume when he tells futaba it’s not at the beginning so rlly mayb it’s another element to the ~character development~

I

When reminiscing, i only remember Kou to be the nonchalant, token tsundere, yeah he doesn’t care about you or your feelings. and upon surface level i found it to be so annoying, because he was the guy who left futaba out of his own fear. she was owed an explanation because despite it being middleschool, i too, would’ve been traumatised if the boy i liked had stood me up and not to mention leave school without a word to any of this classmates. i can side with futaba because i am also an introvert and it plucks a lot of courage to be able to ask someone out in the first place. however, that being said - being an asshole straight off the bat can only mean that there’s room or character development which to my little 12 year old self - failed to realise. 

II

when kou moved middle schools, he struggled to find his group of friends, which in hindsight would probably be difficult for anyone who was going through what he had - his parents splitting. however, he meets ms. narumi, who initially we are grateful that she was able to help kou break out of his shell and develop friendships at school albeit he wasn’t besties with anyone. despite this, i will never forgive what she does later. as i’ve mentioned earlier, when kou enters highschool he becomes an asshole. this is because he experiences his mother dying and as anyone would be, he became bitter. he was more closed off than before and upon this revelation, we begin to sympathise for kou. because losing a loved one is as depressing as it comes and we begin to understand that with his parents divorce there was no one else there for his mother except for him. his older brother, given the split, had stayed with his father and so to satisfy his mother kou spent all his middle school years studying, with a realisation too late that he had made no better memories with his late mother. 

consequent to his loss, we accept that his “asshole” personality is justified and he had become a man full of regret. during highschool, he moved back in with his father however, avoided spending time with his family at all costs. he’s revealed to be hanging around a group of friends to merely ‘waste time’ and really, he doesn’t enjoy anything in life. yet, ms. futaba, is persistent in nature and still has feelings for him so attempts to develop a friendship because of their previous relationship. much to his dismay, he still harbours remnants of his crush for her, however, he cannot and refuses to acknowledge it - he does this by not saying it aloud but he’s written her name in a notebook and despite the knowledge of its existence he does not tear or throw it away. 

III

as futaba and kou’s relationship develop even further - she convinces him to stop seeing the friends and instead he has better friends at school who are all in this event committee or something like that. however, as the story progresses, narumi comes back and asks kou to help her because shes moved to the same town and has also experienced the death of a parent - which also happened after her parents divorced. knowing what that feels like, he felt obligated to help her out. i’m not sure if he intended to be an anchor for her, but this situation turned out to be very manipulative - because narumi was purposefully trying to hold down kou and drag him away from his character development, because as you would assume, futaba & co. are the steps towards moving on from his bitterness, regret and anger, and narumi tries her best to pull him away from it which inherently just inhibited his growth. 

kou isn’t aware of this manipulation, because despite being an asshole prior he sympathises with narumi - which, really shows how kind hearted he is. he goes even further with his generosity by rejecting futaba, because even if they had dated, he still could not leave narumi because he felt as it was his duty to help her overcome her own adversities, which would’ve made futaba uncomfortable. it was/is in fact not his duty to help her overcome her trauma because as we all know it’s part of her own journey, and by helping her, he is still being tied to the past and he himself cannot overcome his trauma. 

IV

because he had rejected futaba, she decides to move on and although it does not happen immediately, she starts dating this other guy who in my opinion (which is completely objective btw) is so pushy and forward and he’s just a rat. because she starts to date this dude, kou realises that he still likes her, and depsite seeing them together he is unable to move on, or get rid of his feelings for her. now normally, this would be a bit problematic, however, because i hated kikuchi (futaba’s new bf) i don’t care. so, what i enjoyed about this particular bit of his transformation is that he was able to preserve the good things of his childhood which was fundamentally, memories of futaba and the times he spent with her. so when kou has his final talk with narumi - he lets himself out of that toxic environment, which is probably step five of his character development. and he goes back to the town he lived in when his mum died. he takes futaba with him to override the horrible memories that he had made - ones that reminded him of his parents divorce and his mum’s death. his logic behind this method was because when he was in the infirmary he was able to overcome his hate of the disinfectant smell because he was with futaba. 

he also reconciled with his mother’s passing by visiting her grave and letting her know that he is finally able to move on. 

another bit i wanted to mention, because it was so chivalrous of kou - basically, futaba got mugged and her bag had a strap that meant a lot to her. and so she tried chasing him, however, she got lost because she kicked the guy in the face and tried to run away. eventually, kou found her and she was really shocked and she actually had a fever so he had to carry her all the way to her hotel room. and then she mentioned that she lost her bag and really needed it. so, he left the hotel room and retrieved it and during his absence was when all the friends gathered in her room. when he comes back, he’s found the bag and throws it at her boyfriend which is funny because it shows how useless the boyfriend is lol. 

V

after this, he does not give up trying to chase after futaba, because she’s been such a pivotal element to his life - which we can all see. his hard work does not go in vain, they do end up together which is very pleasing. but the final bit to his reform is his last name change. as you can imagine, the initial change from tanaka to mabuchi was probably something that was traumatic but then when he changes it back to tanaka he’s able to move on from his bitterness from his mother’s death. not to mention, he was very adamant on futaba to stop calling him tanaka but its pretty significant that he was able to overcome his personal struggles. 

im too hungry so i can’t think anymore, if any of u read the manga add to the list!!1!!!111!!!!!

[thewildomega]

Second Chance ch.8

Running towards the hidden entrance to the town behind the waterfall he held y/n tightly to his chest. Looking to the homes he saw all the lights off and knew most were probably sleeping. Refusing to stop he ran as fast as he could to where his home was. Coming up on the hill he saw another smaller home built not too far from it. Using his haki he felt a bit of relief come over him at the familiar presence. "MARCO!" Getting to the door he saw it was small, about half his height, he was back to his old size. "MARCO!" he called again. Seeing a light turn on from inside the window he breathed heavily. As soon as the door opened he looked down to see his son rubbing his eye.

"What the hell is..." Marco asked in a sleepy voice, dropping his hand and looking out his door. Seeing nothing but legs he craned his neck to gaze up at the tall man. Knitting his brows and blinking a few times he snapped his eyes around. Long blond hair, same warm yellow eyes, huge as hell but younger? Way younger. "H..how... I...I don't.... Pops?" 

"I don't have time to explain now son. I need your help. I need you to help her." Seeing his son still frozen he grit his teeth. "Marco now!" he yelled and saw the man snap out of it. 

"Right. Okay." he said firmly more to himself than the man who resembled his late father. "Go take her to your home and I'll grab my things." 

"Marco honey? What is it?" a feminine voice said from behind him. 

Glancing behind his son he saw a woman standing there, wearing nothing but a nightgown. While he was intrigued about who this young woman was he didn't have time right now. Hurrying over to his home he was happy to find his door unlocked, the large wooden door slamming back against the wall as he pushed his way inside. Turning on the lights he moved to his own bedroom and placed her down on the dusty bed. Standing back up to look down at her he took in her size compared to the large bed and knit his brows. Hearing feet running towards them he saw Marco come up beside him and start looking y/n over. When he pulled back the coat and her ripped shirt he saw the bleeding gunshot wound on the right side of her chest, just over her breast and swallowed hard. 

"I need to get her shirt off so I can see if the bullet went the whole way through." Pulling out a knife he started cutting away the blood soaked shirt. 

Helping sit her up and pull off her coat and shirt he tossed them to the side to be taken care of later. Seeing no wound on her back he knew the bullet was still in her. Laying her back down gently he watched as Marco checked her pulse and heartbeat. 

"Her heartbeat is faint. She needs a blood transfusion or she'll be dead in minutes." the doctor said and saw as the large man moved to sit on the floor by the bed table, holding out his arm. "You don't know if ..." 

"I do. I am." 

Nodding he quickly grabbed the things he needed and stepped in front of his father. Finding a vein quickly he shoved the needle in. As soon as the red liquid of life started filling the bottle he stepped back over to the woman on the bed to get her hooked up as well. 

Sitting back against the wall he watched quietly as Marco worked on saving his lass's life. The woman from before had come over soon after he hooked Y/n up to an IV and she gave him a look before moving beside Marco and speaking to him. He heard her weak whimpers and cries as the doctor started digging for the bullet still lodged in her chest and it sent a sharp pain through his chest. The woman who he had overheard Marco call Zella helped in holding y/n down for the painful procedure. Once it was out he saw the bright blue flames come from his hand that pressed over Y/n's wound. 

Healing her as much as he could with his powers he grabbed his supplies to start stitching the wound close. Wrapping the wound in bandages he looked over her other injuries to start on them. 

After a good two hours he heard Marco let out a sigh and step away from the bed to turn to him. "She should be just fine." he told the younger version of his pops. Looking behind him he rose his chin. "Zel, go get some stuff an clean her up will ya?"

Seeing the woman nod and make her way out of the room he looked back to see Marco looking at him with lowered brows. 

"How? I don't understand how you are here. You died, Ace died, we buried you both..."

"It's complicated..."

"I don't care tell me. Tell me how you just show up here, alive and young after almost two damn years." 

"Two years?" he repeated, his face falling and his eyes going a bit wide. Seeing Marco's face serious he took a deep breath and tried to take it all in. He had only been in Y/n's world for almost two months but it had been near two years here? Looking back up to Marco he saw the woman return with her arms full of different things. Noticing the bathing supplies and such he stood and walked over to his dresser. Taking out one of his few shirts he held it out for the woman to take. "It'll be big on her but it will work for now." he said and saw her nod, a kind smile on her face. Glancing back to y/n one last time he swallowed hard and walked out, hearing Marco follow behind him. 

....................................

All the while Zella who he learned was his son's wife, cleaned y/n he had told Marco everything as Marco took care of the stab wound on his forearm that he had forgotten about. He told him how he had washed up on the shore of the lake and how y/n had found him. He told him how when he had woken up he was somehow young again. Telling him about y/n and her world Marco stayed quiet through it all, ever the clam and collected one. Refusing to hold anything back from him he also spoke to him about the strong connection the two had towards each other. Lastly he spoke to him about the events that had just occurred before the two of them had been sent back here. 

"She is your soulmate then?"

Humming he grinned. "Yes."

"Does she know that?" 

Taking a deep breath he let it out in a long sigh, "No. I don't believe they are a thing in her world." 

Nodding Marco looked to where Whitebeard's bedroom was, thinking about the woman who had all in all saved her father's life. "So what is she like, Y/n?" he asked and couldn't help but grin when he saw the way his father smiled. 

"Oh she is kind, so very kind and quiet. She's a hardworking woman but she never complains. She also has a temper as well though." he said with a chuckle at the end but then felt his smile fall away some. "But... she's been hurt before. I don't exactly know how, she hasn't opened up to me yet and I haven't pushed her on it." huffing a bit he looked to the blond and smiled, "You'll like her though, she's been making me take vitamins and eat more healthy." 

"She's a keeper." 

Laughing he smiled and leaned back into the chiar. "Now, tell me, what's happened since I died." 

Rubbing the back of his neck he looked into the large yellow eyes and started relaying the events from the last 19 months. He told him about how the crew and some others, along with Shanks buried both him and Ace. Then he told him about the payback war they had had with Blackbeard and his crew. Admitting the defeat he grit his teeth. and bounced his knee. "We all disbanded after that. With Teach and his crew, then the World Government after us I thought it would be best if we went our own ways.... I didn't want to do it but..."

Sighing he crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. "It's alright son, I understand. You did the right thing." 

"It get's worse." Seeing his father look back to him he blinked slowly, "Because of Teach beating us the World Government named him the new Emperor."

"What?" 

Nodding Marco saw the man's massive muscles flex. 

"What about Ace's brother, that strawhat runt?" 

"Luffy. I don't know, no one has heard anything from him since a about a week after the war. He showed up at Marineford again with both Jinbe and Rayleigh..."

"Rayleigh?"

"Yep. Luffy didn't attack anyone or start any trouble. All he did was go up and ring the OX bell before taking off his hat. There were many pictures taken of him, it was put on the front page. After that he left and no one has seen him or any of his crew since."

Humming he lowered his brow in thought. He didn't think the boy was giving up, not from all the stories Ace had told him. Before anything else could be said he heard the door open and looked towards his bedroom to see Zella walking out with a y/n's clothes in her arms. 

"I cleaned her up as best I could. There was a place on the back of her head that i don't think you saw but I cleaned it and bandaged it as well." Zella told her husband who nodded. 

"I'm going to go take a look at it real quick." 

Watching his son walk out of the room he looked to the young woman and saw her smile at him. "Well hello my dear. I hear you are my son's wife." 

Nodding Zella looked to the large man. "Yes. It's so nice to be able to meet you, Marco has told me all about you. I don't understand exactly how you are here but I am happy nonetheless. Marco and the rest of your children missed you dearly." 

Grinning he hummed. "I missed them as well. I do hope you are taking good care of my boy... not making it too easy for him though right?" he asked and heard her chuckle lightly. 

"Not at all."  she assured him. Remembering something she held out the items she had found in the woman's clothing. "Here you go, I found these in her clothes, I don't think they would do well in the wash." 

Taking the items Zella handed over he saw y/n's phone, notebook and a few other items.  

"Of course. I am going to wash her pants and other clothes but I am afraid her shirt is past the point of repair."

"Thank you dear." Seeing her nod as Marco walked back out he looked to him. 

"Yea that's a nice sized bump on her head, it's got a small gash as well but not enough for stitches. She may have a slight concussion and her head will probably ach for a few days once she wakes. Nothing some herbal tea won't help though. Still once she wakes she will need to take it easy, she did lose a lot of blood." 

Nodding he stood and saw Marco cover a yawn. "You both should get back to bed." 

"Sounds good. If you need me you know where to find me. I'll be back over to check on her in the morning." he told him and saw him nod. Looking up to his father he smiled "Goodnight pops." 

Grinning he kneeled down to hug his son, "Goodnight my son." Watching them both leave he set the items down on the table and moved towards his bedroom. The light was off but with the light from the living room he could still see fairly well. Walking over to the bed he looked down at her and saw wrapped up under the covers. She had bandages on her cheek and wrapped around her head, he could also make out the light bruise on her lip and jaw. Her skin was still flushed but not as much as it was. Dropping his eyes to her chest he could only see so much with the blankets pulled up to just under her shoulders but he knew she was wearing his shirt. The white fabric looked more like a sheet on her than anything with the first few buttons undone and some of the bandages peeking out. The slowly rise and fall of her chest told him she was sleeping soundly and he let out a sigh of relief. If Marco hadn't been here then there was no doubt in his mind that she wouldn't have made it, the very thought making his heart clench. Threading his fingers through her hair he heard a small groan and noticed her lashes fluttering a bit, her brows knitting together in discomfort. Crouching down beside the bed he continued stroking her hair and then her unmarked cheek with his thumb. "Yer alright lass, go back to sleep darling." 

Hearing the deep, comforting voice you relaxed and did as it commanded. 

Seeing her drift back off he grinned. Standing back up he tugged the covers up over her a bit more before going back out to the living room. Looking towards the couch he gave a sigh and rubbed the back of his head. While there was plenty of room for both of them on his bed he didn't want to risk making her uncomfortable or worse hurting her. So couch it was. Turning off the light he walked over to the old sofa and layed down on it, his feet hanging off the side. 

.................................

Groaning giving a whimper when your whole body seemed to ache you slowly lifted your hand to your face to rub your eyes. Feeling a bandage and then another one you knit your brows and then started attempting to open your eyes. At first they instantly closed from the bright light but after a little bit you managed to get them open and take a glance around the room you were in. First thing you noticed was the ceiling, it was wooden with large beams running along it. Turning your head to the walls you saw them to be made of what looked like plaster, the trim and door made of the same wood as the beams along with the floor. The room itself was of nice size with a dresser, side table and the huge bed you were laying in. It had to be a California king with white sheets and deep blue bedding. Seeing a window on the far wall with white curtains you tilted your head a bit at the view outside. From where you laid you could see what looked like bright green grass and a large mountain in the far landscape, a clear blue sky above. Just where the hell were you?

Thinking back to the last thing you remembered you recalled the incident at the bar, those men, they had robbed the place and then you had taken off after the man. The two of you were fighting and then he... he tried to... he was going to rape you but he hadn't. Edward had shown up, he had saved you. Then him and the man had fought and the guy had pulled a gun. He was going to shoot Edward so you jumped in the way. Glancing down to your chest you pulled the large shirt... gown, whatever it was away some and saw bandages there. You had been shot. Your memory went a bit fuzzy after that. You could remember Edward yelling, the other man screaming and then the ground shook but then Ed was there. He was holding you and he was so warm, you could hear his heartbeat and then nothing. 

Letting out a long breath you laid your head back on the pillow and thought. Had you been taken to some hospital? You had never heard of any hospitals that looked like this. Blinking you decide to go find out what was going on. Trying to sit up you bit your lip to muffle your cry as every injury on your body seemed the throb. Sitting up on the bed you were overcome with a coughing fit and covered your mouth with one elbow while the other hand moved to clutch your chest. Whimpering when your head felt like it was going to split into you closed your eyes tight, your face scrunching up in pain. Once you had gotten a bit used to the pain you opened your eyes and looked around the room again. Dropping your eyes to your own body you knit your brows and lifted the large shirt hanging on your body. It was way too big but it didn't look like a gown and... sniffing it you leaned back some, you knew that scent. Was he here, was he okay? Going to stand up from the bed you heard one of the two doors open and froze. Looking up you saw a man come walking into the room but there was something off about him. Why was he so small? He had blond hair on the top of his head and when he looked up to you, you saw he had glasses on as well. Was he a dwarf? 

"Oh. We weren't expecting you to be up so soon." Marco said to the woman with a smile. Walking over to her he looked up to her, "Pops will be happy. I'm Marco by the way." 

Marco, Edward's son? How was he here? Had he somehow been teleported to your world too? Licking your dry lips you looked down to the man. "Hello. I'm y...y/n." you told him, your voice cracking a bit.

"Yes I know, the big man has been talking about you nonstop all day." he chuckled. 

"Edward is here?" 

"Yea, well not here, he went to grab a few things from town but he should be back soon. In the meantime though I'd like to check over your injuries." Stepping forward some he saw her a tad bit uncomfortable and grinned softly. "It's okay, I'm a doctor." 

Nodding you tried to relax some "I know Ed talks about you a lot as well." 

"Hopefully good things." he smiled. 

Sitting still as Marco did his exam you listened to him tell you the extent of all your injuries and that you would have to take it easy for the next week. Rubbing your face you sighed, "I have to call work and tell them..."

Rubbing the back of his neck he looked off to the side, "Ah yea well about that..." He didn't get to finish his sentence as he heard a door shut and then the footsteps coming towards the room. 

Seeing him look towards the door you followed his eyes as it opened, standing in the frame was him, "Edward?"

Looking over to the bed his face split into a large smile when he saw his lass awake and sitting up. "Y/n darling you're awake." 

"Yep, doing good too. She should be able to get up and move about a bit but nothing too exerting." Marco told them. 

"I'll make sure of it." Grinning and giving a nod he saw Marco look to the flowers in his hand and raise his brows. 

"Well I am going to head out. I'll get Zel to bring over your clothes." 

"Thank you." you told the small man and saw him nod as he turned to walk by Edward, only coming up to the man's knee. Hearing another door shut you looked back to Ed and saw him move towards you. 

Holding out the bouquet of white flowers he smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Here ya go lass." 

Looking down at the daffodils you felt a warmth in your chest that flowed up to your cheeks. Smiling softly you reached out to take them from him. "Thank you Ed." Observing the beautiful flowers you smiled, there was even a purple ribbon tied around them and already you could smell their pleasant scent. Raising your eyes back to him you saw him only looking down at you with a soft smile. 

Moving to sit on the bed beside her he took a deep breath, "You know you had me scared there for a moment darling. I didn't know if you were going to make it." he said, looking down and feeling his lip twitch. Looking up to meet her eyes he glanced to the bruises and cuts on her face. "You took a bullet for me and while I am grateful I don't ever want you to do something like that again." seeing her brows knit he shook his head when he saw her go to speak. "No. You are never to put yourself in danger like that again. Promise me y/n." 

Taking a deep breath you said nothing and saw his brows lower. 

"Y/n." he grunted.

"I can't make a promise that I don't know I will be able to keep." you said softly and saw his hand move up to rub his face and pinch the bridge of his nose. 

"You have to be the most stubborn women I have ever met." he grumbled. 

Giggling a little you grinned and smelled at the flowers. "I'll take it as a compliment." seeing him give you a small glare, making you smile more he shook his head. Looking towards the window again you saw rolling green hills with a few other homes or buildings here and there. This didn't look like anywhere in Montant you had ever seen. Knitting your brows you took another look around the room that now you thought about it looked more like a bedroom. Seeing a white hat sitting on the dresser with yellow trim and what looked like a pirate symbol on the front you also noted the other personal items here and there throughout the room. Before you knew it you heart started beating a little faster. "Umm Ed.... where are we?"

[slytherinbarnes]

Sub Rosa [32]

iii. ye who enter here

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader

Word Count: 5.6k 

Warnings: language, mentions of injuries, death, mentions of anxiety, angst, blood, stabbing, violence, explosions, mentions of getting drugged.

Summary: after months of trying to avoid it, you return to Mount Weather, and you’re reminded of why you hate it so much.

a/n: the taglist for this series is open! I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!!!

previous chapter // season masterlist // series masterlist

You wake up in the hospital ward a few hours after returning to Arkadia. 

You’re unsurprised to find both Bellamy and your mother asleep on either side of you, your hands intertwined with each of theirs. You smile down at their sleeping forms, before squeezing Bellamy’s hand slightly, waking him. 

He takes in a deep breath as he wakes, turning and blinking up at you sleepily. When he realizes that you’re awake, he wakes up much faster, smiling at you and whispering, “Hey.��

“Hi.”

“How are you feeling?”

You flip your hand over, revealing your IV. “I feel nothing, which means mom slipped me something.”

“She was worried about you.”

You roll your eyes slightly. “It’s just a little knife wound. We’ve had worse.”

Another voice answers before he can, her tone scolding. “A deep knife wound that you sloppily patched up before running on it.”

You turn and face your mother, giving her a smile and hoping that it eases her disappointment. “I promise I’m fine. Besides, aren’t you the one who’s been mad at me for letting Clarke go in the first place?”

Bellamy senses a fight coming and he stands and quickly presses a kiss to your forehead, mumbling something about “incoming explosions” as he scurries out the door. Your mother’s voice drops to a whisper when she answers, “I haven’t been mad at you in weeks, you know that.”

“I know, I’m sorry. But I've been mad at myself. And I was so close, mom, I nearly brought her back.”

She reaches up and pushes your hair off your face. “She knows where Arkadia is, she’ll come back when she’s ready.”

You shake your head, “Didn’t they tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“About the bounty?”

She freezes and all the color drains from her face. “What bounty?”

“There’s a bounty on Clarke’s head, and she was being held captive when I found her.” You can tell from the expression on her face that this is all news to her. “Shit, was I not supposed to tell you?”

She tries to give you a reassuring smile, but it barely masks her anger. “I’m glad you did, honey.”

She reaches up to fiddle with your IV. “Get some rest. I’ll send Bellamy in to keep an eye on you.”

The sleepiness overtakes you as the sedative flows through the IV and into your bloodstream, knocking you out and taking you back into the land of dreams before Bellamy has even entered the room. 

-

Four days after getting stabbed 

You shift on your stool and let your eyes rake over the guns once more, double checking your count, before scribbling down the number and moving to the next group. 

Okay, shock batons. One, two, three-

“Hey!”

You almost fall off the stool in surprise, and you turn to Bellamy with a glare. “You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“I’m sorry.” He steps inside, and grabs the notebook from your hand, setting it to the side. He presses an apologetic kiss to your forehead before he pulls you to your feet. “Kane says he has news and he needs to see us.”

“Good news?”

“Seems like it.”

“What are we waiting for then?”

You head to the Chancellor’s office as fast as you can, still limping a little from the pain in your leg, despite your best efforts not to. Bellamy knocks on the door as you reach it, and Kane waves you inside, cutting off the conversation he was having with your mother. She glares as she watches you limp inside. “Where are your crutches?”

You roll your eyes, “I’m not using those.”

“Clearly.”

Kane cuts a look between the two of you, and you both cut the argument off before it can continue any further. “We just got word from Lexa.”

“Lexa as in, betrayed us at Mount Weather Lexa?”

Kane gives you a disapproving look. “Commander Lexa, yes. She has Clarke.”

“How? Is she okay? When can we get her?”

“Lexa put the bounty on Clarke’s head when she found out the Ice Nation’s Queen wanted Wanheda’s power. The bounty ensured that Clarke was brought to Polis, their capitol, unharmed.”

You open your mouth to ask another question, but he holds up a hand to stop you. “She’s fine. We’ve been asked to meet with the Commander, and that’s when we’ll get Clarke.”

“Great, when do we leave?”

“We’ll leave in three days. You’re not going.” 

“What?”

“Your leg is still healing, and your mother and I agree that-”

“My leg is fine! This is just about what I-”

“...further proven by the fact that you refuse to use the crutches-”

“...just upset that I didn’t obey your stupid-”

“Enough!” You and Kane quiet immediately, tuning to look at your mother in surprise. She locks eyes with you. “You and Bellamy will be delivering supplies to the Farm Station survivors at Mount Weather in three days. Kane and I will go to Polis, meet with Lexa, and bring Clarke home. End of discussion.”

“Did you just say people are staying in Mount Weather?”

She turns to look at Bellamy, who’s been quiet up until this moment. “Yes. The only space we could offer the Farm Station survivors was tent space, and when they heard about Mount Weather being empty, they asked to stay there. We sent a small group ahead first, and if all is well with the Grounders, we’ll send the rest.”

“Won’t that look bad to the Grounders? The Mountain Slayers moving into the enemy’s house?” You turn and look at Kane, “What was it you said to me months ago? We’d look like a new set of conquerors?”

“Yes, well, the decision has been made. Gather a team, you leave in three days.”

Bellamy mutters, “Yes sir.”

“Yes sir.”

“Good. Dismissed.”

-

One week after getting stabbed

You’re silent the whole way back to Mount Weather, lost in your head. 

As soon as Raven parks the rover outside the ground entrance to the mountain, you freeze in place, ignoring everything around you as Gina, Raven, and Octavia all jump out and start to unload the rover. Bellamy reaches out and grabs your hand. “They’ll be fine at the delegation.”

“We should be there, Bellamy.”

“Maybe if someone used their crutches…”

You ignore his playful tone and glare at him. “My leg’s fine and you know it. Kane is just pissed that I disobeyed him and he’s trying to teach me a lesson.”

“Probably. But that doesn’t change the fact that they’re in Polis and we’re here.”

He stands and tugs on your hand, getting you to follow suit, before helping you out of the rover and onto the ground. You both stand staring at the entrance, remembering the last time you were here, and you whisper, “I hate this fucking mountain.”

“Kane says we don’t have to stay long. He gave Gina a list of things to take care of, and then we can leave.”

You nod. “Let’s make it quick then.”

You both turn and grab the last few bags from the rover, you and Bellamy each taking a handle on the heaviest one, sharing the weight as you walk side by side behind the others. You can hear Raven telling Gina a story from the Ark, and Octavia drops back to walk on your other side. She notices your silence and asks, “You okay?”

You give her a reassuring smile. “Yeah, I’ll be back to my usual charming self as soon as we’re out of here.”

She laughs but it dies in her throat as you come around the final corner, the hallway opening up into the mess hall, loud with music and laughter. You all stand at the entrance, frozen and in shock at the comfort of Farm Station as they sit at the tables eating and smiling. You fight back the image of the hundreds of irradiated bodies that littered the floor the last time you were here. 

Pike sees you all at the entrance and yells, “Welcome! Join us.”

You mutter, “Someone's made themselves at home.”

Octavia sounds horrified when she counters, “There must be 30 of them in here.”

Pike reaches you and hears this, clarifying, “36, but the more, the merrier.”

You and Bellamy lower the bag to the ground so he can reach out to shake Pike’s hand, and he nods at you in greeting. Octavia looks around the room before glaring at Pike. “36? Wow. The Grounders are gonna think we moved in.”

“Well, there was no room at the inn.”

“And this is your option?”

Bellamy glances at his sister, his voice a warning. “O.”

“I'm out of here.”

She turns and storms off, and you and Bellamy exchange a look as Pike muses, “Spirited.”

You glance around the room again and a chill passes over you, before you turn back to Bellamy. “I’ll check on her.”

“Thank you.”

He presses a quick kiss to your cheek before following Pike into the room, and you turn and head back down the hall and up to the ground. Each passing second you spend in the mountain leaves you feeling more and more anxious, and by the time you reach the top level, you’re practically running to the door, fighting off the images of what you’ve done. As soon as you push open the door to the ground level and step into the sunshine, your anxiety starts to fade, leaving you calmer than before. You hear a whistle and you look over your shoulder to see Octavia on top of the entrance, looking down at you. 

You move to the side and find the ladder, ignoring the slight pain in your leg as you climb to the top and plop down beside her. “So that’s Pike.”

It’s not a question, but you answer like it is. “Yup.”

“Seems great.”

You snort at the sarcasm in her voice. “Very pleasant. You should have heard his anti Grounder stuff when we first met him. He yelled at Indra when she spoke Trigedasleng and kept making snide remarks about how all Grounders are the same.”

“Great.”

You hum in response and she turns to watch you. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes. No.” You shake your head, “I don’t know. It’s this mountain, O. I’ve done nothing but avoid thinking about it for the last 3 months, and being back here just...doesn’t feel right.”

“You, Bell, and Clarke did what you had to to save our people.”

“Everyone keeps saying that, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I wish it did.”

She reaches over and puts her hand on top of yours. “You’ll get through this. You and Belllamy both.”

You turn and smile at her, both of you sinking into comfortable silence as you enjoy the quietness of the ground. Bellamy comes out a few minutes later, unsurprised to find you both sitting on top of the entrance, and you scoot over as he reaches the top, allowing him to sit between you and Octavia. His gaze is focused on her. “You okay?”

“The Grounders will never accept this.”

“We're not the Mountain Men, O. Nyko and Lincoln will make them see that.”

Octavia glares at him. “How? Lincoln has a kill order on him. He can't even leave camp without risking his life.”

“The summit will take care of that.”

Octavia turns away from him and looks out at the trees. “Then we can finally get out of here.”

You both turn to look at her, surprised, and she meets your gazes. “I'm sorry. I don't fit in here.”

Bellamy takes a deep breath, and reaches for her hand. “If you need to leave, I get that, but you'll always fit in with me.”

“And me.”

She starts to reply, but stops when you hear arguing beyond the trees, and you all turn just in time to watch two guards dragging a Grounder towards the front door. “What the hell?”

You all leap up and descend the ladder, jogging over to the trio. As soon as you see the Grounder’s face, you recognize her. “Echo?”

You and Bellamy exchange a look, and Octavia asks, “You know her?”

“Yeah, she's Ice Nation. She was in the cage next to mine.”

When Echo sees you walking towards her, she yells your names, relieved. Bellamy yells, “Let her go.”

One of the guards glares at you. “She threatened the summit.”

“I was trying to help!”

“Shut up.” He kicks her legs out from under her, knocking her to the ground. 

Bellamy yells, “I said, get your hands off her.”

Octavia moves behind the guards and glances at Echo’s restraints before looking up and meeting your eyes. “Knife?”

You pull your knife from the holder on your thigh and flip it in your hand until the handle is out, facing Octavia, and then you hold it out to her. She takes it and cuts Echo loose as the guards protest. “What are you doing? She's a Grounder.”

You help Echo to her feet and Bellamy asks, “What are you talking about?”

“The summit's a trap. The assassin is already there. By sundown, your people will die.”

Your stomach drops, and you turn to Bellamy with a horrified look, “Clarke. My mother. Kane.”

Bellamy looks at Echo. “We need you to tell us everything.”

She nods and you all lead her inside the mountain, straight into the mess hall and over to Pike. He looks up at all of you in shock, a Grounder between you, before clearing out the room of children and leaving only his guards. “What is this?”

“Echo is Ice Nation, and she has something to tell us.”

You see Pike’s eyes widen and he nods at two guards over your shoulder, who push you, Bellamy, and Octavia out of the way to grab Echo. They yank her towards a chair and push her into it before restraining her. “What are you doing? She’s with us!”

Pike glances between you and Bellamy. “We’ll see.”

He walks over to Echo and glares down at her. “Bellamy says you have something to tell us?”

“The summit’s a trap.”

“How do you know?”

“I was with the Queen's army heading toward Polis. The war chief talks too loud.”

Pike looks at her in disbelief. “You're one of them, so why are you telling us this?”

Echo looks over at you and Bellamy, sadness in her eyes. “We abandoned Skaikru in the Battle for the Mountain. It was wrong.”

Bellamy turns to Pike, voice earnest. “Pike, we saved her life, this is her saving ours. We can trust her.”

Pike considers this, as Sinclair, Raven, and Gina run into the room and join the group. Bellamy addresses all of them. “Listen up. If we want to get to Polis before the attack, we have to move.”

Sinclair shakes his head, confused. “Attack? Do we have confirmation of that?” 

Octavia walks over to you, radio in hand. “I’ve been trying to radio, but no answer.”

Pike sighs, “They may already be dead, for all we know. If they are, we need to be ready to respond.”

Sinclair turns to him. “Don't make this about the missiles.”

You and Bellamy exchange a worried glance, both of you thinking about Tondc, and you turn to Pike in shock. “Missiles?”

“This is about survival. We don't have the numbers, but the missiles in this mountain even the playing field, and you know I'm right.”

Sinclair steps closer to him, “Even if I did agree with you, we still don't have the launch codes.”

Raven smirks, walking over to the two men. “No, but we have me.”

Pike nods his approval at Raven, before turning and grabbing Echo, pulling her out of the chair and out of the room. Octavia follows to keep an eye on them, leaving you and Bellamy mostly alone. You smile at him and turn to grab a gun from the crate behind you, but he reaches out to stop you. “You’re not going.”

You spin towards him, incredulous. “Like hell I’m not! My twin and my mother are at that summit!”

“Which is why you shouldn’t be there. Plus, your leg-”

“Damn it, Bellamy, my leg is fine!”

“Your mother asked me to look out for you, and-”

You reach for the guns again, ignoring him. “I don’t care, I’m going.”

“No, you’re not.”

You spin towards him, growing angrier. “Yes, I am!”

“Kane said-”

“I don’t care what Kane said, Bellamy! I’m going to that summit, and you can’t stop me.”

You start to brush past him, but he grabs you and spins you towards him, pulling you in for a kiss. You start to resist him at first, but kiss him back when you realize that this is his apology, and he’s changed his mind. As you lose yourself in the feel of him, you almost miss the prick in your neck. 

You open your eyes in surprise and pull away from him, shocked to find his hand held in the air, a syringe tight in his grip. Your eyes lift to his, your face full of betrayal. “What did you-”

You cut yourself off when you feel yourself sway on your feet, and Bellamy reaches out and catches you right as you start to fall. He pulls you up into his arms, looking down at you with regret, and the last thing you hear before passing out, is a soft, “I’m sorry.”

-

You wake up slowly, feeling heavy and groggy as you come out of sleep.

And then you remember why you were asleep.

Anger pulses through you, intertwined with betrayal, and it wakes you quickly. You jump up, realizing you're in a bed in the 6th floor dorms, and you run out of the room and into the hall, making a beeline for the elevator. Once you reach the first floor, you run down the hall, ignoring the limp and the pain in your leg, pushing yourself as fast as you can as you head straight for the door.

When you burst out of it and into the open air, you feel your stomach sink to your feet at the now empty spot where the rover was parked. You let out an angry yell before turning and running back into the building and straight for the mess hall. Once there, you push past the people milling about, chatting aimlessly about nothing, and grab a radio off one of the nearby tables, tuning in to the agreed upon channel. “Bellamy, come in.”

You let your finger off the button and stand glaring at the radio, waiting for a response. When you get nothing, you repeat, “Bellamy, do you read me?”

After another silent minute, you grind out, “Bellamy Blake, you better answer the goddamn radio.”

But again, you’re met with nothing. You let out a frustrated huff and clip the radio to your belt, before deciding to find Raven. After asking around, you find out that she, Gina, and Sinclair are down in the control room, so you head there. As soon as you burst through the door, you meet Raven’s gaze with a glare, and she lets out a snort of laughter. “Yeah, that’s the exact face I told Bellamy you’d make when you found out.”

“Did you know he was going to do it?”

“No.”

You let out another frustrated huff and plop down into a chair. After a moment of silence, you ask, “What are we doing then?”

“Trying to figure out the launch codes for this stupid missile.” You see her furiously punch the keys on the keyboard before yelling, “Damn it!”

“What happened to that Raven Reyes confidence?”

Raven turns to glare at Sinclar. “It's a 12-digit code, and there are a trillion combinations. It's gonna take me a minute.”

Sinclair turns to Gina. “Gina, what do you got?”

She helplessly lifts her hands, “Don't look at me. I'm just a grunt.”

You smirk at her and she smiles back at you as Sinclair sighs, “Oh come on, guys, it's gonna be dark soon. We're working analog, we're working digital. What are we missing?”

You think about Dante, remembering his age, before asking, “How is the president gonna remember a number that long?”

“Not well.”

Gina looks over at you, catching on, and asks, “Want to bet he wrote it down somewhere?”

“Oh, come on. That's like setting the launch code to all zeros.”

“And yet it's better than anything we've come up with.”

Gina smiles, “I'll check the president's office.”

You stand, “I’ll go with her.”

Sinclair tosses Gina a radio. “We'll keep working the tech angle. Hopefully, one of us will get lucky.”

You follow Gina out of the Control Room and to the other side of the level where the President’s office is located. Once inside, Gina heads for the desk, and you start scanning the books on the bookshelf, taking them down and shaking them out, looking for any sign of hidden papers. You work in silence for a few minutes until Gina glances over at you. “Don’t be mad at Bellamy.”

You glance over at her, confused, and she adds, “For the sedative thing.”

“He took my choice away, Gina. Didn’t even give me the chance to go.”

“It wasn’t his idea. It was the Chancellor’s.”

You turn to her fully, brows lifted in surprise. “My mother?”

“I overheard her talking to Bellamy when she gave it to him, and she said she couldn’t risk losing you again. She told him to inject you if it seemed like you were going to put yourself at risk again.” She stops rummaging through the desk, lifting her eyes to look at you. “He fought her on it, for a while actually. I had to finish loading the rover, so I didn’t hear the rest. I wasn’t even sure he took it until Raven told me what he did.”

You nod, taking this all in, trying to process it. Then you suddenly remember something from the last time you were in Mount Weather. “Dante’s quarters are around the corner, I should go check it out.”

She nods, and you add, “Channel 4 on the radio if you need me.”

“Okay.”

You turn and head towards the door, but right before you step out, you turn back to her. “Hey, Gina?”

She looks up again, already back to searching. “Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

She smiles. “What you have is too good to throw away on a misunderstanding. Sometimes people do crazy things for love.”

You think about nearly hanging to death, and following Bellamy into Mount Weather, too worried to let him go alone, and you smile back. “Yeah, I guess they do.”

And then you turn and head out of the office, jogging around the corner and up to the only other door on this hall. The door is cracked, so you push it open, half expecting Dante or Cage to jump out and yell at you. But it’s empty, full of nothing except ghosts and a few modest belongings. You rummage through all the drawers on the bedside table before checking the small desk area. After finding nothing, you move to the bookshelf and check the books again, shaking them quickly and tossing them to the side when you find nothing. 

You smile when your eyes land on the next title, a yellow book with a blue spine.

The Iliad.

Bellamy rolls off you, both of you panting as you come down from your high. When he hears your breathing slow, he turns towards you, a smile on his face. “Have I ever told you about the Iliad?”

Your nose scrunches when you ask, “Were you thinking about a book while we were having sex?”

“No.” He sees your disbelief and laughs. “Okay, maybe a little. But only because I was thinking of our first time, and when you asked me to tell you about the gods. Which made me think of the Iliad, and how my mom used to read it to me and O when we were kids.”

He smiles as he tells you the memory, his grin boyish and bright. You can’t help but smile in return. “I wish you could read it to me.”

His smile drops a little. “Me too. I bet the only copy left was on the Ark. Who knows where it ended up when they came down.”

The memory makes your heart ache for Bellamy, your anger already starting to dissipate. You turn the book upside down, but you don’t see the piece of paper that falls out and flutters to the floor, too distracted by Gina’s voice calling your name on the radio. You lift the radio to your lips. “Did you find something?”

You’re answered by silence and you tuck the book into the waistband of your pants and ask, “Gina, are you there?”

You hear your name come through again, this time carried on the sound of a gurgle. You feel the hairs on the back of your neck lift, as suspicion takes over you. “I’m coming to you.”

You turn and run out the door, jogging back down the hall towards the office. Just as you round the corner and step into the room, you run right into a knife blade, which sinks into your side. You look up in surprise at the Grounder staring back at you, pure hatred on his face, and he pulls his knife out of your side. You see his hand move towards you to stab you again, and you feel your adrenaline take over as you quickly reach down and grab your knife, before lifting your arms to protect your middle. 

His knife slashes and cuts your arm, and you feel warm blood run down and drip to the floor, but you ignore it and focus on all the training you received from Octavia and Lincoln. When he tries to slash you again, you duck down, and send your arm forward, plunging your knife into his exposed side. You pull away quickly and jump back as he lunges towards you, taking another cut from him, this time to your shoulder. You bite back your cry of pain before swinging a punch towards him, and he blocks it before kicking you in the stomach and knocking you onto your back.

As he stands over you and brings the knife down towards your chest, you roll away and lean forward, stabbing him in the thigh. He lets out a grunt of pain before punching you and knocking you backwards again. He glances over at the desk and then back to you, before he takes off running down the hall. You’re about to follow him when you hear a small sound of pain, and you look over to the desk to find Gina slumped onto it. “Gina!”

You run over to her, horrified to find her surrounded by a pool of blood, her shirt soaked with it. You can see the minuscule rise and fall of her chest and you know she’s alive, but barely. You grab your radio and call out to Raven. “Raven, Sinclair, SOS!”

“What’s going on?”

“A Grounder just attacked me and Gina, and he ran off. The exit is near you, don’t let him leave!”

“Are you okay? Is Gina?”

You don’t answer as you lift her shirt to find at least three stab wounds, and you start to reach forward to help her, but she weakly pushes your hand away and whispers, “Code.”

“What?”

“He set off the self-destruct.” Her eyes flit toward it, and you see it counting down, with 45 seconds left. “Code on his arm.”

You hesitate, stuck between wanting to help her and wanting to chase after him. “Go, get the code. You can help me after.”

You reach out and squeeze her arm. “I’ll come back for you.”

You take off running down the hall, following the trail of blood from the Grounder, and you call Raven as you do. “Raven, he set off the self-destruct. The code is on his arm.”

“How much time do we have?”

You reach the elevator and your anxiety grows as it slowly brings you to the surface. “Less than 45 seconds!”

The doors slide open and you look down, spotting the trail again. You follow it down the hall and towards the exit. Up ahead you can see the door open, the sound of fighting coming from outside. You push yourself faster, lifting the radio to ask, “Gina, how much time?”

You’re met with silence, but you don’t have time to process what that means, because you run outside to find Raven knocked to the side, bleeding from her head, and Sinclair on the ground beneath the Grounder, knife to his throat. You run towards them, gripping your knife tight in your fist as you sneak up behind them and plunge the knife into the Grounder’s neck, killing him. He drops onto Sinclair, and you help roll his body to the side as Raven comes over and grabs his left arm while you grab his right.

You yank up his sleeve to find it blank, but Raven lets out a gasp as she lifts his sleeve to reveal the twelve digit code. You lift your radio and call Gina. “Gina, we got the code.”

You’re met with silence, and you start to panic. You glance at Raven as you call again, worry written all over her face. “Gina, do you copy? Gina! We got the code, do you copy?”

Raven jumps to her feet and starts to walk back towards the building, “We’ve got to go back in there.”

You and Sinclair jump up and run after her. “Raven, no!”

“We can't just let them die!”

You think of the countdown, already at 45 seconds before you even realized, and how long it took you to reach the surface. You feel your stomach sink because you know that you’re out of time. “Raven, no one can reach the office in time!”

You and Sinclair grab her arms and tug her backwards as she fights against you, knocking the book out of your waistband in the process, leaving you feet from the door when the explosion hits. The force of it sends all three of you flying through the air, tossed to the side like you weigh nothing. You hit the ground with a thud, the wind temporarily knocked out of you, and you gasp for breath. It takes a second for the ringing in your ears to stop, and you roll to your side, looking for Raven and Sinclair.

They are both slumped on the ground nearby, and you struggle onto your hands and knees as you crawl over to them, calling their names. Raven sits up first, coughing the ash and dust from her lungs as you reach her and force her to look at you. “Raven, are you okay?”

She nods weakly, tears already starting to fall as you look over her, checking for injuries, but finding none other than her earlier head wound. You turn and check Sinclair, who’s unconscious now, but alive. You pull off your guard jacket and tuck it under his head, checking him over for any other injuries and relieved to find nothing. 

Raven’s sobs pull you back to the reality of what’s happening, and you feel fear constrict your throat as you think of the summit. Was it a two front attack? Three? You scramble over to your fallen radio and push the button, calling frantically, “Bellamy? Bellamy, come in! Are you okay?”

His voice crackles through the radio, calling your name, and you let out a sob of relief before lifting the radio again. “The Grounders attacked Mount Weather. White war paint, Azgeda.”

You hear concern in his voice, and your mother calling out for you somewhere near him. “What are you talking about?”

You stand and walk towards the smoking wreckage, dropping to your knees in front of it, nothing left but a pile of rubble, and you think of the 30 something people that were inside before the explosion hit. You think of Gina, and the tears overtake you, heavy sobs wracking your body as you think of the death left behind because of this mountain. This goddamn mountain. You fight through your sobs, “It's gone. They're all gone. Sinclair, Raven, and I are the only ones left.”

“Are you okay?”

“Just hurry, Bellamy. Please. Sinclair’s knocked out, Raven probably has a concussion, and I got stabbed when we were fighting him off.”

You feel yourself start to grow weaker as Bellamy continues to ask you questions. You drop the radio at your side, and turn back to see Raven slumped over onto Sinclair, sobbing. You hear Bellamy calling your name, sounding more and more worried with each passing second, but with the adrenaline wearing off, you don’t have the energy to reassure him. 

You lay back onto the ground, rolling over to see the smoking remains of Mount Weather, coming face to face with a small yellow book with a blue spine. 

The Iliad.

The bottom right corner is singed and the book is covered in a thick layer of dust and rocks. You reach out for it with blood smeared hands, from which wound, you aren’t sure, and you pull it towards you, tucking it to your chest. Your eyes slide closed as the rest of your energy leaves you, and the last thing you think of before the world fades out, is Bellamy.

-

next chapter

[mother-snake]

cut you a piece

(oh boy! its been a hot second since ive posted a story... hope you enjoy! tell me if i need to tag somthing!)

tags: @idkanameatall warnings: angst, majour carachter death. tw self hurt, tw soup of slide. adult language words: 7488

-why was janus the way he is... and what can happen when you lose everything youve ever known.-

Janus, he was fucked up, and Romulus he was pureless. So of course they fell in love.

Self-preservation smiled as he sat next to Romulus. The two had known each other for around a week. Both of them had hit it off almost immediately. both of them not liked by the others. but they were okay with that, after all they had each other.

They were sitting there next to one another. Romulus was drawing something that had happened in the imagination. self-preservation was scribbling down names on a sheet of paper. He was yet to find one that he liked. It was difficult.

He let out a small sigh as he looked down at the note book that seemed filled with different names. None of them seemed right. he crossed out the ones that seemed to plain. The ones that were hard to pronounce.

“hey! Are you alright?” Romulus asked his friend.

Said side blinked. He hadn’t realised he had begun to cry. “I’m fine,” he said as he rubbed the tears out of his eyes.

Romulus picked up the book and read some of the names. A small grin on his face as he kept reading. “what about Janus?” he said finally as he put down the notebook in his lap. “that’s a girl’s name though,” self-preservation pouted. “no! j-a-n-u-s. as in the god of half-truths!” he cheered at the scaled side.

He pondered this name for a couple seconds. Slowly a warm smile lit up his face as he looked at Romulus. The smile becoming infectious along with the happiness rolling of him. “okay then! Janus it is,” he said with a wide smile, “don’t tell the others though. Shh!” whispered. “okay,” Romulus whispered back.

Both of them giggled as they leaned their heads on one another. both of them completely content with what little they had.

Because to them…each other was enough.

Romulus let Janus know what was wrong with him. And Janus stopped using, and binging, and pissing his whole life away.

Romulus wasn’t happy with any of the sides. When he got the chance, he would bash them over the head with his shield.

Why? I hear you asking. Right now, Janus was crying into his shoulder. Tears set off by their reaction to what he had hoped to never happen.

His once bleach white scales had changed to what he considered a pretty yellow. Sunflower yellow. he held his Janus close. The two of them had been dating since Janus’s second month of creation. Both of them had never gone anywhere without the other nearby.

Not that either minded. They actually found peace in knowing where the other was in these times.

“Janus? Its okay, you’re okay… they can’t hurt you as long as I’m here. Okay?” “I know…” he got in response as Janus sniffed.

He looked up to Romulus with red puffy eyes. The anger in Romulus’s stomach swelled. “let’s give them a visit, shall we my sunflower?” Romulus said slyly as he held out his arm.

Janus let out a small laugh and looped his arm around Romulus’s. said side pulled the other closer. “no, I wouldn’t like that,” he smiled widely.

But before they could get to the door there was a sharp knock at the door of creativity’s door. They looked at one another before Romulus ushered Janus behind himself.

“Romulus? De- self-preservation?” oh morality. “we need you guys quick! There’s a new side here!” he yelled, his voice both a mix of concern and excitement.

They looked between one another. There hadn’t been a new side since Janus appeared. And that had been apparently very unexpected.

Both of them ran next to each other as the door burst open. Romulus mildly confused on how Janus could run so easily in heel shoes. Janus was just focused on the fact there was a side with the light sides.

Scared that he would be treated the same way he and Romulus were. when they arrived, they stopped and stared at the side that hissed at logic like a cat. “I’m sorry, did you just hiss at me?” logic asked looking flabbergasted at the new side.

A wide smile grew on Janus’s face as he let out his own hiss. Grabbing the attention of the new side. the small child looked up to Janus who gave another small hiss. a hiss this time was directed at him. This one wasn’t as animalistic. But more friendly.

Janus and Romulus nodded to one another and held out their hands. the small child ran into their arms. “welcome to our dysfunctional family,” Janus mumbled as he hugged the smaller form.

And Janus told Romulus he'd die for him, Which looking back, was the right thing to say.

Janus sat there listening to music blaring from cautions room. Him and the newest addition, wrath, had gotten into another argument and it wasn’t pretty. He had witnessed the end of it.

He was positioned at the side of Virgil’s door. Waiting for the other to calm down. He hoped they would. “hey, you okay there?” Romulus asked.

Janus let out a sigh, “I’m alright. Just waiting for the two small hatchlings to calm down. It may take a while by the sounds of it,” he chuckled. “I think Thomas starting high school is getting the best of them.” He said.

“yeah… I can tell,” Romulus said, hiding his hand in his pocket; He could tell the other later. Romulus smiled and kissed his cobra on the head before turning around. “hey, Romulus? Id cut you a piece of me,” he said slowly, almost singing. “what?” “id cut you a piece of me, and where you go, I will go too. Yes… I’m now a part of you,” he smiled. Romulus felt tears pouring out of his eyes as he surged forwards and hugged Janus tightly around the shoulders. “how long?” Janus muttered into his shoulder. “a couple years at best. But no longer I’m afraid…” he muttered into Janus’s shoulder.

They didn’t do anything but hold each other. Romulus knew lying to his queen wouldn’t work. It never did. And as self-preservation. Something like this was bound to become loose. With or without him saying anything.

“I am now a part of you,” Romulus muttered.

I cut you a piece of me, I cut you a piece of me. And where you go, I will go too. Yes, I am now a part of you

They laughed as they sat around the screen. A movie had been chosen by Patton. but one was caught up in their thoughts. Not much had changed since everyone had found out that Romulus wouldn’t be around for long. and that made Janus feel things he didn’t want to feel. He tried his best to repress everything he was feeling. He knew it was causing him harm.

He found himself snapping at the kids and others more. he was scared. He was going to lose his best friend. Nothing else seemed to matter more at that moment.

“hey, sunflower,” Romulus said calmly as he wrapped an arm around Janus. Janus felt himself sobbing as his lover held him close. He buried his head in his chest. this had been the first time any of the others had seen Janus cry in front of them.

Romulus held Janus close. He was the only one who knew that this was almost a daily occurrence now. He didn’t want to leave his queen behind. If he could stop what was happening. He would. But there was very little in his power

Romulus pulled Janus closer. He wouldn’t leave Janus like this. He wanted to go out with a bang. And that’s exactly what he would do. “marry me,” he said as Janus slowly began to calm down. “what?” Janus asked shocked. “marry me,” Romulus said again, “I’ll be honest I would have waited till Thomas left high school. But with things going on now. Now is never a better time- “ “yes…” Janus said before wrapping his arms around Romulus’s neck ad pulling him close and into a kiss.

The lights looked at the two love birds wondering how they could have been so cruel to the both of them for so long…

Caution and wrath cheered at the scene in front of them. God, they had been close to forcing the two turtle doves to marry. They were perfect for one another.

But perfection doesn’t last. that was something they learned the hard way…

Janus and his romulus, got married in his temple, Cause they calculated,

The wedding was by no means small. they had it in the imagination. Something that had been a surprise when Romulus had offered to have it there.

It seemed everyone in the imagination knew of the event. and as soon as he had entered it seemed as if everyone knew who he was. the whispers of him becoming Romulus’s second hand was a surprise. But he guessed that was understandable with Remus being king creativity.

Laughter rung in the air as people danced and children played. Each person swelled with so much joy and happiness that their king had found someone to stay at his side. if only they knew…

Janus and Romulus sat on chairs at the very front of the castle. The party being outside to make room for everyone there.

“thank you,” a young boy whispered to Janus as Romulus stood up to talk to someone. “may I ask what for?” he said slyly getting a smile out of the young boy. “for making the king so happy!” he cheered. “I should be thanking him for making me so happy,” Janus said, “I don’t know where I’d be without my king,” he chuckled as he ruffled the young boys hair.

“would you care for a dance?” the young boys eyes lit up like stars and he almost dragged Janus by the arm and into the crowd.

Romulus spotted him from the crowd and let out a hearty laugh as he spotted his sunflower. Giving and encouraging wink. Janus stuck out his tongue in response.

The people around laughed as they watched their two rulers, their hearts warming knowing that the kingdom was in safe hands.

But… alas… time was slowly running out.

That Jules was more Jewish than Jessie was Catholic. Jules mother was pleased.

Janus knew that Romulus was slowly becoming weaker. Spending more time in his room than anywhere else. the two spent the winter curled up around one another. Glued to each other’s side. Christmas had been an event and a half. With Janus and Romulus teaming up and decimating the others in a snowball fight. Janus ended up getting a cold that very afternoon. But he was okay with that.

Valentines day had been spent handing roses to the people of Romulus and now Janus’s kingdom. hand in hand they had become something that neither thought could happen.

And then it began… his hair had slowly begun to turn grey… it was small at first. Just small strands here and there. He also found himself struggling to pick up heavy things that he could have picked up easily before.

Janus found himself glued to Romulus. then one day they found themselves wondering the streets of the city. People smiled and waved at the two of them happily. Greetings were shared and smiles returned.

It had been a perfect day so far. The sun was blazing down on Janus. Warming his scales perfectly. His cold bloodedness often caused him issues.

then everything seemed to go slow motion.

“hey… sweetheart… why is everything spinning?” he muttered. “my king nothing- Romulus!” he yelled as he caught his lover as his knees buckled and gave out below him.

He felt his breathing picking up as he laid Romulus gently to the ground. Everything else was forgotten.

Black streaks rose from his neck. Half of his right cheek was covered in the almost inky looking patches. Janus was panicking internally. But keeping as calm as possible on the outside. “come on sweetie… you’re going to be okay… let’s get back to the castle…” no one around said a thing. everyone worried for their king and queen who had only been married for five months.

Janus knew time was running short. He just didn’t know how short it would be.

Married six months, when on route 87, Janus turned quickly,

Janus didn’t leave Romulus’s room unless necessary. Virgil and Orpheus bringing him meals as he sat by his lovers’ side. His face now almost completely covered in the blackness that seemed to make him look like a void.

Janus hadn’t spoken very much. Romulus had looked at Janus with so much joy every time he woke up. small snippets of his memory disappearing daily. but never forgetting Janus. It seemed like him mind couldn’t forget him. And he was fine with that. It would be nice to remember his lover at his final moments.

Janus had been startled out of his thoughts when Romulus reached a hand out and nudged Janus. “yes Romulus?” “can I see them? One last time?” he asked his eyes weak and barely focusing. “…okay…” Janus said, trying to keep himself together.

He scooped Romulus up into his arms. It scared him how light his king was. he looked over to the face of Romulus that was almost hidden by his growing hair that was so dark now it almost matched his skin.

“let’s go, my love.”

In a beaten mitsubishi, killed romulus in a crash. A marriage begun and ended,

He walked through the streets. Barely keeping himself together as silent tears poured down his face.

The people moved out of their way, bowing their own heads. Tears streaking down their faces as they looked on in mourning.

When they arrived at the main balcony of the castle, facing where the sun had always set. and there it was, going down over head.

Romulus had his head in Janus’s lap. A weak smile on his face as he looked at the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. “I cut you a piece of me…” he sung. “Romulus?” Janus’s voiced cracked. “I cut you a piece of me… and where you go, I will go too. Yes… I’m now a part of you,” he sung weakly. “I’m now a part of you.  From now on I’m half a soul, without you I can't be whole, “Janus sung back. tears pouring out of his eyes. “oh you are the start of me…”

Romulus smiled as he looked at the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. His sunflower looking at him with a simile and love in his eyes. “goodbye my queen,” he whispered. “goodbye my king,” Janus choked out.

Janus cried out loudly in pain as he felt Romulus go limp in his arms. Wails of despair filled the air. the people below heard the cries of sorrow and tried to block out the gut-wrenching noise that seemed to cause everyone else to cry for the loss of their young king.

Everyone lined the streets. Holding red and green lanterns in their hands before sending them to the sky. Each one holding a small message written on the inside. Hoping that maybe it would reach their king.

Janus saw the lanterns flood the skies and smiled ever so slightly. He wouldn’t be alone. He had everyone here… but. No… he wouldn’t. no. he couldn’t return.

Romulus had long since faded. Leaving only his cloak and crown behind. a warm smile on Janus’s face. he had left his cape behind. He had always been forgetful.

He flung the caplet over his shoulders and stood up removing the crown that rested on his brow and placed it next to Romulus’s.

“goodbye my love… perhaps we may meet again in another life…”

With broken glass. His life was scattered, and soon was her ash

Janus looked dead. That was the first thing Virgil realised when Janus left Romulus’s room.

Virgil still couldn’t help but ask, “how is he?” Janus couldn’t look Virgil in the eyes, “he’s in a better place now,” he said weakly. Virgil surged forwards within seconds. Wrapping his arms around his pops. He himself didn’t know how to feel. He had never been overly close to Romulus like self-preservation had.

But he knew now more than ever that he was needed. And he swore to himself that in that moment. He would stay and protect his pops from anything that would come their way. “come, would you like me to tell the others?” Virgil asked.

Janus could only nod. Not trusting himself to say the wrong thing. it was then that he realised that Janus was waring Romulus’s cape. Heh. His dad had always been forgetful. But a small part of him knew that it had been deliberate.

The walk seemed daunting to Janus. This was one of the few times he had been anywhere without Romulus by his side. but now? There would be no one. Just himself it seemed despite the fact he knew he had his children by his side.

He felt the silent tears pour down his face. but he didn’t care.

Then he heard laughter. Virgil gave a small smile and walked ahead of his father.

There at the living room table was Logan, Patton and Orpheus. All eyes turned to the two of them. “how is he?” Patton asked.

Janus felt himself shaking as he pulled the caplet closer. Had the mind palace always been this cold?

“he…” Virgil began, “he passed away.” no one said a thing. As there was nothing to say… Patton felt something in his chest tighten. He could feel the amount og grievance coming of Janus. He was surprised the other was holding himself together. Logan… well. He didn’t know what to do. There was no logical way to help Janus unless he could find a way to bring Romulus back. Orpheus stared at Janus. Stared at his pops who was now widowed. He knew this would be a hard take on everyone. But this would be devastating on Janus’s behalf.

The silence stretched onwards. No one could say anything it seemed. but Janus couldn’t take it anymore. The silane wasn’t something he was used to. So, he took a couple steps away from the group, turned around and bolted to his room. The cries of everyone behind him were ignored as he closed his door.

He locked it and felt himself sink to the ground. his eyes darted around his room. He wanted to be safe. He didn’t like the cold he was feeling. He wanted to be held and have someone at his side.

He laid down on his bed, ignoring the pounding that came from outside the door and slipped under the covers. Holding the caplet as close to himself as possible. maybe if he had waited another couple hour’s, he would have met the two new sides… but, right now. Weather he knew it or not. He needed the sleep. and for the first time in forever he fell asleep, exhausted from crying. But that was okay… he would get used to the empty feeling eventually.

He may have wanted Romulus… but he knew he wasn’t coming back.

I cut you a piece of me, I cut you a piece of me. And where you go, I will go too. I lost my life when I lost you.

It had been a month. Janus barely spoke. But when he did it was always in lies. he had made them forget. He had made them believe that the twins had been there the whole time. He felt like he had betrayed Romulus. but it was for the best.

“hello my dear snake face!” creativity one cheered as he saw Janus walking to the kitchen. Janus let out a wince. He hated it when jabs were sent to his scales. “what don’t you want creativity?” he glowered. “come now, why do you refuse my name?” creativity said. Janus couldn’t respond but kept walking. Trying his best to ignore the other side. Janus froze as creativity 1 kept taking, “listen. Can you just not leave me alone. I don’t need my space,” he snapped at the red sashed side.

Roman seemed taken back by the words but his features softened, “very well my dear snake, I bid you farewell!” and as quickly as he was there. he was gone.

Janus sighed as he made his way down the quiet hallway. He knew that the others were trying to give him space, not knowing anymore why his mood had shifted so dramatically. from happy to so sad that Patton could barely spend five minuets in the same room as him before he accidentally starts to cry from the overwhelming sadness coming from him.

He looked blankly onwards towards the kitchen. He was after another bottle of wine. It helped numb the pain. he knew Romulus would have slapped him on the head by now and told him to tone it down with the spicy grape juice. But… well. He wasn’t.

And things hadn’t been going well to put it simply. ever since the twins arrived. he knew it was only a matter of time before the place split into two. And he knew that when it happened things would only get more difficult. Especially if he was stuck with one of the twins.

Don’t get him wrong. He loved the two to pieces. But it hurt to see them every day. So much of Romulus was in them it hurt to look at. roman had Romulus’s eyes and Remus had his chaotic personality.

Maybe if they hadn’t reminded him so much of his lost love, he would not need to cry himself to sleep, or hold up the illusion that he was okay. but he needed to stay strong. That was a fact he needed to keep up.

However, things wouldn’t be so normal anymore. Not after today. he was aware of yelling coming from the Livingroom. the same direction roman had gone in. but he didn’t think much of it…  that was until he entered the room however and froze. Orpheus was yelling at roman who looked ready to rip his head off.

“so what? At least he cares about us!” Orpheus yelled. “deceit is nothing but a lair and you know it!” roman yelled back, “he’s plotting something against us all. Why else the sudden mood shift?”

Janus stared at roman from his spot by the door. His chest aching from the words that had fallen from his mouth.

Then he felt nothing. Just an empty place where everything other emotion should have been. he stared blankly in his direction. “don’t worry creativity. You won’t be seeing much of me for a long time,” he said sharply before turning around and walking away.

Roman said nothing in response. Instead just looked at the spot where the side had been.

Orpheus shoved roman to the floor and spat next to him. “if you come near any of us again. I WILL put your head on a pike,”

That was the last time for years that he would see either side. and dinner that day would be the last time he would see Virgil and his brother. both deciding that it wasn’t worth staying with people who didn’t care.

And thus, the divide happened. No one would realise until the morning. With a single door cutting both sides away from each other.

Yeah you loved someone so much. That to lose them is to never recover,

It had been a month. Virgil, Remus and Orpheus were gathered in the Livingroom on the floor playing monopoly. No one seemed to be close to winning. Each side cheating in their own way.

Janus sat on the couch with a glass of wine. He watched blankly. Not saying a single word. He hadn’t spoken since roman had taken the major jab at him.

He glared at the cup in hand. He hated repressing his feelings. And normally wine would work… but he guesses his tolerance had built up greatly.

He let out a sigh and drooped his shoulders. He closed his eyes and felt the cold wave wash over him. Then there was nothing inside of him. He opened his eyes and looked over to the dark sides who glanced over at him. they knew what he had just done. But they had stopped trying to stop him a long time ago.

“still don’t know why you enjoy repressing your feelings,” Remus said, “repression never works,” “I know…” Janus whispered back. the entire mini group froze, their eyes snapping to Janus. “I just need to feel numb sometimes… its better than feeling what I feel…” he said as he looked at them.

It felt like the first time they had seen him properly since the door was put in place. his eyes looked almost dead. His once pale yellow scaled had become a dirty gold, pecks of brown mixed in.

He let out a short sigh before standing up and walking away. A hand rested itself upon his shoulder but he simply shrugged it off and continued on his way. he had work to get done. God knows what the light sides were getting Thomas to do.

Virgil looked at Janus as he left the room with wide eyes. Janus’s cold emotionless gaze imprinted in his mind. he wanted to know what had happened to his pops over the past six months. He had changed…he had changed so much and it scared him.

Remus looked at where Janus was and glanced down at his hands. had it been his fault Janus was like this? Did he himself do something or was it something worse?

Orpheus couldn’t look in their direction. He hated being able to do nothing. Especially when his pops was in such a state. It sent spikes into his heart. Yeah, he knew what it was like to have emotions you didn’t want. It sucked.

But at least all three of them would be there to help him.

You've given part of your being to them and when they Go, you can never have it back you can never have it back.

Janus was starting to panic. And that was an understatement. Ever since Virgil had revealed himself, he was slowly spending more time with the light sides. It had gotten to the point where Janus was only seeing him early in the mornings or late at night.

Every time they talked it always ended with an argument. Orpheus or Remus would have to break them up sometimes.

That’s how Janus found himself. Cradling himself in his bed. Wrapped in his blanket. Tears pouring down his face as his right eye was closed shut. An ice pack held closely to his eye. it was black and purple. Punched by someone with pure anger.

Orpheus had sided with Virgil. And he would be lying if he said he didn’t feel so lonely. It felt like that day all over again. Maybe the pain came from the fact it was supposed to be Romulus’s birthday today.

Maybe that’s why he snapped at the both of them. He regretted everything that had slipped out of his mouth during their yelling match.

His eyes glanced over to the bowler hat sat at the table.

“eh, hats aren’t really my thing you see,” Romulus said as he looked at Janus. “but why are you giving it to me of all people?” Janus asked curiously looking at a blushing Romulus. “its been a year since we’ve known each other. I thought it would be nice to get you something.” “but… I didn’t get you anything!” Janus said woefully. “I’ve got you! that’s all I need!” Romulus said as he playfully punched Janus’s arm.

Janus looked away and stared at the grey sheets covering him. Wincing as the ice pack sent spikes of pain into his injury.

God, what would Romulus say if he were here… he wondered who’s side he would take.

Three small knocks sounded from his door. “come in,” he said smally.

The door creaked open to reveal a rather shy Remus. Janus felt a wave of guilt spread through his soul. The poor thing never knew what to do in these kinds of situations. “come here,” he muttered as he patted the space next to him.

Remus gave a smile and made his way over. Tucking himself next to Janus. The scaled side wrapped an arm around the smaller side, holding him close. “deceit?” Remus said. “mph,” he hummed back. “I’m sorry,” he said.

Janus glanced to Remus with a raised eyebrow. “I’m sorry. I know you’re going through a difficult patch right now… I can feel your destructiveness coming of you. I don’t know why you’re like this. But if ever you need to talk… I’m here. Even if I can be fucking weird about it.”

Janus felt the tears beginning to fall once again. at least he still had Remus he guessed. “Janus,” he whispered as he looked to a rather shocked Remus. “what?” “my name… its Janus.”

Remus looked at Janus with wide eyes. He had never known his name. he was pretty sure no one knew his name until this second. “you can’t tell the others. please,” Janus said. “I promise,” Remus said with a sharp nod.

The two stayed like that for what felt like forever until Janus fell asleep in Remus’s embrace. the intrusive side was almost surprised to see Janus looking so peaceful as he slept.

Had this really been how he had once been? His memory was blurry. Not all there, and sometimes he could swear he didn’t do half the things his mind had told him he did.

And for some reason. He felt like he had never seen… Janus… so calm. So… dare he say; peaceful.

 I haven't thought of Jules, or Jessie, Or their story in the better part of a year.

Janus was slumped against the wall as he stared at where Virgil and Orpheus’s doors should have been. An empty bottle of wine sat by his side. god… he really was a fuck up. wasn’t he? He couldn’t keep himself in check. Relying on numbing himself with drink or his own power.

“hey… you okay there?” Remus asked Janus. a memory struck him sharply in the chest. why did he have to look so much like Romulus?!

He turned his head back to the wall. Glaring at where the door should have been. he didn’t want to have any memories right now. It would only cause him to cry once again. It seemed to be the only thing he had done for the past week. Waiting and praying that his children would come back…

But he knew that it wouldn’t happen. He had lost almost everything… Romulus…Orpheus…Virgil…his happiness… his love for things…his ability to feel.

The last thing he had was Remus. And that felt like its own personal hell. Don get him wrong. He had grown to love the side like his own child. But when he looks at him now? All he sees Is a young Romulus with a moustache.

He couldn’t look at him anymore. He couldn’t feel anymore. He didn’t want to continue like this… “don’t think like that,” Remus growled, snapping Janus out of his own mind. “you’re supposed to be self-preservation correct? Then help Thomas. Get out of the shadows you’ve trapped yourself in. or at least find a healthier distraction. For god’s sake, go and piss off my brother!” Remus yelled hysterically. “fucking get of the floor and tell me how to help you!”

Janus stared at Remus. Help Thomas? Would it really be a good idea… unless… “I have an idea? But I need your help,” Janus said.

A small spark lighting up in his eyes. Remus grinned as he looked at the deceitful side. He didn’t think he had seen the side looking almost excited about anything.

“what do you need?” “morality’s old outfit. If Thomas really wants to make a fool of himself, I would know… lets sort that out.”

Remus held out a hand and Janus took it. “well, for starters… his name is Patton. Logic is Logan as well. You ought to know that if you’re going to get away with this…”

Yeah… he didn’t need much. but Remus was enough for now. And that was okay.

But warming your hands in mine fills me with terror, That I will lose you, today, or tomorrow, in two years, or seventy.

Janus was beyond frustrated. What would it take for them to listen to him!? he had been trying his best to get the others to finally listen to him. God damn it he even tried his own way at the court room to get their host to listen to him. But of course, he was the villain. He was always the fucking villain.

“hey Janus guess what I found-“Remus said as he skipped into his room before freezing.

He had spent the past couple hours in the imagination. So, it was only reasonable that he wouldn’t know what was happening. That didn’t stop him from worrying and rushing over.

“sorry, I shouldn’t be crying over something like this…” “don’t apologise for having fucking feelings,” Remus said as he patted Janus’s shoulder.

They sat quietly next to each other. Neither said anything or a while. Just basking in each other’s company.

It was reaching the half an hour mark when Janus remembered. “why where you here again?” “oh right!” Remus grinned before reaching into his leather bag. Janus would never nor would he want to know what that bag was made of… that didn’t stop him from having suspicions though. “here they are!”

Janus felt himself lose his breath. “I found them in the ruins of some old castle, pretty cool right?”

Two matching silver crowns laid in Remus’s lap. One imprinted with a sword and shield. The other with his own symbol. The snake’s eyes however being a single ruby and emerald. “I guess you have questions?” Janus said in what was barely an audible whisper. “you bet your fucking ass I want answers. Tell me everything, and don’t think of lying to me Janus.”

He reached out and cradled the crown in his hand, took a deep breath. And began to recall everything he had tried so hard to repress over the past three years. Coming onto four. Remus listened closely. Taking in everything Janus said. Thoughts and feelings swarmed his mind and body.

But he couldn’t make himself angry. No matter how hard he tried. As Janus was sitting by his side. Smiling and laughing and looking years younger than he had looked in well… forever.

“he left and I broke. No matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t be happy without him there,” Janus said as he looked over to Remus.

the green coloured side looked at Janus. Both had tears in their eyes. “is that why you couldn’t look at me for so long? Because I reminded you of him?” he said, voice cracking. “yeah… god between you and roman, you really looked like him. And it hurt. But… I guess I just needed to get over it, like a wall I suppose. The first couple times can be hard, but you’ve just got to keep pushing forwards,” Janus said.

He looked down to the crown in his hands. he gestured for Remus to take it from his hands. “no,” Remus said as he laid the other crown in Janus’s lap, “they mean far more to you than me.”

For the first time in a long time… Janus was at peace. Sure, things were far from fine.  God knows it couldn’t be worse. But right now? He was content with just having Remus.

“If you have any more questions… ill be happy to answer them.

When even the Earth has numbered days. I can give just one thing that stays.

he fucked up. there standing in front of him was a teary-eyed Remus… oh god… what the fuck had he done. “do you really think I’m evil?” Remus said as tears poured down his face. “Remus- “Janus said as he reached out an arm. he flinched back as Remus summoned his mace. He held it in his hands. malic filled his eyes. he took a couple steps back. “follow me. and I won’t hesitate,” Remus said as he made his way over to the door that split the mind palace.

“Remus please. I’m sorry. Please. I can’t lose you too… please- “ “maybe you should have been more careful deceit,” Remus snarled before opening the door and slamming it behind himself.

Janus felt himself crumple to the ground; he didn’t know how much he was shaking. He didn’t care that he could barely breath.

He was alone… it was cold… there was no one. He was no one… nothing mattered. he felt nothing.

He wanted his king…he wanted someone to tell him he was okay. He wanted someone to look at him and tell him to get a grip.

he wanted Virgil… but he wouldn’t forgive him… he wanted Orpheus… but he would never trust him… he wanted Remus… but he would never look at him again… he wanted Romulus… but he knew he was never coming back…

and as he cried himself to sleep on the floor…. He had never felt more like a monster.

I cut you a piece of me, I cut you a piece of me. For where you go, I will go too. I am now a part of you.

Janus winced as the metal slid over his skin. Small trickles of ruby red fell from his arm like red stained tears. Screaming from his skin told him to stop. but he couldn’t.

He had been alone for a couple months now. It was an hour away from midnight. Signifying the death of his lover. he wanted a hug. He wanted someone to hold him as he cried.

What he wanted he didn’t deserve. He was the villain. He was the monster in the closet. and it was fine. At least he was something. Even if it hurt…

He hadn’t been summoned in such a long time. It had been the barely less since he had seen another side. he was scared that they had forgotten about him. Some nights, like today, he could hear laughter coming from the other side. And that was enough for him to know he wasn’t wanted.

They were fine without him. maybe it would be better to go completely. Joining Romulus instead of staying where he wasn’t wanted.

The empty wine bottles that were around him no longer were able to do their job.

He shook as the cold air froze his skin. It had been a while since he had turned the thermostat down. He deserved it though.

The thought of being able to see Romulus filled his head. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t feeling slightly giddy at the thought. Getting to see his best friend of so many years once again, but for eternity.

A small weak laugh filled the air as Janus stood up and made his way over to his room. He looked down at the bowler hat that sat neatly at the end of his bed.

He picked it up and dusted it off before placing it on his head. Trying his best to ignore the shiny objects that rested in their own cases in the back of the room.

The only question was where. Where would he go to do this? an idea struck him in the chest… yeah… that would be perfect… all he needed was to make a plan. no letters were needed, the others wouldn’t care enough to wonder where he had gone.

From now on I’m half a soul, without you I can't behold. So cut me a piece of you, Cut me a piece of you, and where I go, you'll always be.

It had been a struggle, trying to sneak into the imagination. But it had been much harder to find what he was looking for.

The buildings were broken. Barely standing. Vines and shrubbery grew out of cracks. It broke his heart to see that this is what had become of his kingdom. he thought once that it would stand forever. But nothing ever did. Did it?

Janus chuckled as memories filled his mind.

The streets him and Romulus would wonder for hours, talking and smiling with their subjects. the town square where he had danced at every Halloween with everyone around him. A wide smile on his face.

The castle grounds where he had danced wit the young boy who had thanked him for looking after their king. he wondered what that boy was doing… was he still alive? Was he dead?

Then the castle came into view, it wouldn’t be long now. the sun slowly had begun to set. The golden huge filling the sky like it knew what was going to happen. As if it were saying a final goodbye. He felt tears swell in his eyes.

Only five minuets later, he was standing on the weather-beaten balcony that had the perfect view of the city below.

And then he choked out a sob as ghostly figures, white wisps of phantoms filled the streets. Each holding a lantern before sending them up and up into the sky.

They shone like small red, green and yellow stars…

He looked down to the small bottle in his hand. He popped the lid open and drank its contents… he would be okay… he would see Romulus again. He lowered himself to the ground. Lying face up and staring at the sky flooded with fake stars.

And slowly his vision became blurry. “I cut you a piece of me, I cut you a piece of me. For where you go, I will go too I am now a part of you. From now on I’m half a soul, without you I can't be whole.” He sang weakly into the air…

“oh you are the start of me,” a voice sung back clearly. a sob left Janus with a smile on his face… he was home.

Romulus held out a hand. he took it without hesitation. Being pulled into a hug and very quickly a kiss. warmth, love and happiness flooded him as happy tears poured down both their faces. “hello my queen,” Romulus said as he looked at Janus with eyes filled with longing. “hello my king,” Janus said before bursting into tears.

So, cut me a piece of you, Cut me a piece of you, and where I go, you'll always be. Oh, you are the start of me, Oh, you are the start of me

“are you sure this is the right way?” Virgil asked concerned. “hell yeah emo-bitch!” Remus said excitedly.

He was taking them to see the lights that had begun in this area since well…forever. Always at the same time. Every year on the same day.

“I feel bad were not bringing Janus,” Patton said. “that asshole? Fuck him,” Orpheus growled.

Virgil paused for a brief second. Glancing at the castle. “hey… I think someone’s over there,” a figure outlined by the lowering sun stood on the balcony. it struck Remus quickly as to who it was. he felt himself filling with anger that seemed to plant deeply in his chest.

But… then it seemed to split in two. There was a figure standing next to Janus. And a song filled the air.

They all seemed to be thinking the same thing as they surged forwards. Bolting to the castle, hoping they were wrong as repressed memories filled their minds.

And then they stopped. Each one of them shaking as they saw the unmoving body of self-preservation lying on the ground. his eyes glazed over and his chest unmoving.

Two shadowy figures danced in each other’s embrace as they laughed. Peppering kisses on each other. a warm and sad feeling filled their chests.

This was the first time in years that most of them had seen Janus smiling. And he was in his lovers embrace.

“goodbye Janus,” Patton said as he waved over. “cya, on the other side Jan,” Virgil said… silent tears poured down his face. Logan gave a sharp nod and a small smile. Remus and roman gave a small wave. Not trusting themselves to speak. “take care of pops dad,” Orpheus muttered, his voice cracking as he did so.

“goodbye,” Janus’s voice echoed in their minds as the shadowy figures faded away. Smiling and holding one another with wide smiles.

Oh, you are the start of me

[soren-bleu-kun]

BnHA Fics I’ve Read This Week 1

I read and review a lot of fics, every week. Here is the list from last Friday, to today. Let me know if I should I do this next week. 

Bloom in Winter - God linking all the art for this was a bitch in my google document, but worth it. In this uncompleted and seemingly abandoned twelve chapter fic where Midoriya is forced to work with villains with his analytical abilities. The story picks up when he finds out that he’s going to have to infiltrate UA as a General Studies student in order to find a way to help kill his idol, All Might. 

The Sun in My Eyes - This is a MomoJirou fic where the two girls meet at a young age and slowly fall in love as they grow up together. A fast read, and really cute. 

Trust Fall - This is a cute little fic that I think is supposed to end on a note of a possible relationship between Shinsou and Midoriya. Basically, the 2A addition to the UA Cultural Festival is a cat café, and while chasing one down both Midoriya and the cat he was chasing end up stuck in a tree, and it’s Shinsou to the rescue. 

What’s She Got That I Don’t? - This is a one-shot where we see Kirishima tell Bakugou that he has a crush on him. Getting rejected, he expected that. What he didn’t expect was for Bakugou to turn around and ask out Uraraka the very next day. This one-shot was good, but painful at times. 

I. Shaky Hands - This is the beginning of rexcorvidae’s incomplete Whumptober Series. I did not review every single piece of this series, but it does kick off with a very good start. Dadzawa to the rescue when he realizes that - with all the damage that Midoriya’s done to them - his problem child can’t use a pen well, or a pair of chopsticks. 

[Because this was a series of unconnected stories, I will be putting each one that I reviewed after this] 

III. Delirium - Midoriya gets sick out of the blue in the UA dorms, attacks some students in his delirious state, and collapses. The whump is just spectacular and I love any story that features a character that thinks their friends are their enemies 

IV. Human Shield - While taking Midoriya out for ice cream, he and Yagi get attacked. His brilliant solution to save his mentor? Jump in front of the bullet and almost die. There is some good Dad Might in this fic. 

VII. Isolation - Warning, this fic deals with Suicidal Ideation. Basically, what would happen if Midoriya took Bakugou’s middle school taunting as far as it could have gone. It ends with him standing on a roof, read at your own risk. 

XV. Scars - Midoriya has scars from the years of violent bullying that he went through and they don’t go unnoticed by his mentor. On the other side of the coin, Midoriya doesn’t want to tell Yagi who did it because he knows that if the people who tormented him don’t get to slide into being the heroes that they don’t deserve to be, they could be terrible villains. I honestly love this fic, it deserves everything. 

XVI. Stitches - This is an AU where Nighteye finds Midoriya at a pretty young age, sees the sort of analytical work that he can do, and has him intern at his office [and holds onto his notebooks for him, since there’s a lot of dangerous information in there, even if Midoriya doesn’t understand that when they first meet]. This story takes place a few years into that internship, when Midoriya collapses at work after the stitches he put in himself after another round of violent assault from his classes gets infected. 

XVIII. Muffled Screams - The last fic in this series that I reviewed, and it is a painful one, quite literally for Midoriya. In this story, he has been kidnapped, and he has one job. Don’t scream. Of course, this is difficult as he gets tortured, but he has to, because the villain promises that if he makes a noise, someone he cares about will die. We see this from the live feed that is being broadcast of the torture, with Yamada, Aizawa, and Yagi. 

Is it the Thunder in the Distance - This is a good little one-shot featuring Yagi spending the night at the Midoriya household and finding his successor sleeping on the floor right outside of his room. All in all, this is a very good fic and I like it a lot. Note, the actual name of the fic is much longer, but I am not writing the entire thing out again. 

If I’m Losing Again, Quiet Me Down - This takes place during the Stain Arc, when Midoriya is sitting in the hospital with Todoroki and Iida. While calling around to make sure that people know that he’s okay, he ends up having a panic attack. There is a soft ending to this one. 

I’ll Carry You Home - This was a debut fic for the author on Ao3, and it features Yagi carrying an exhausted Midoriya home after a long day of training. Most adorably, he accidentally calls his mentor “dad,” and when Midoriya wakes up enough to realize what he said there is a lot of apologizing. All in all a cute story. 

Growing Like You - This is a short one-shot featuring Midoriya finding out that one of the side affects of his new Quirk is that he’s growing, fast and a lot. Trying to find him something to wear, Yagi ends up stumbling across a box of his old UA clothes, and he gives it to Midoriya. 

Feelings of a Fanboy - This is one of those “What if Midoriya had a Quirk” stories, and they are some of my favorite kinds of fanfics out there. In this one, his power is called Emotional Rush. Basically, the more he feels, the stronger and faster he gets. This goes up to right around/before the Stain Arc. 

Father’s Day - This is a fic that features Hisashi Midoriya not really being around and Yagi stepping into the paternal role in Midoriya’s life, something that they both seem to need. 

Define “Villainy” - This is more or less a crack fic where Tsuyu realizes that literally no one in her class has tried to stop her from straight up attempting to murder Mineta, and they will probably continue to let her because no one in the class actually likes him. 

Anything, Anything - This is a fic that I already recommended to someone, and it is so good. This is a fic that features eventual TodoDoriya, where the two of them keep running into each other in the UA Dorms common room whenever they wake up from nightmares. 

Those Hardest to Love Need it the Most - This is a Dadzawa fic where Aizawa finds out that Midoriya was extremely mistreated at his middle school and opens up an investigation in hopes of taking the place down for Quirk discrimination. 

All the Signs - This is a crack fic for what I consider a bit of a crack ship, Huyumi. Basically, Fuyumi gets pregnant with Hawks’ kid and starts acting a little... bird like. The author, ohmytheon, is fantastic and I have read so much of their stuff. 

Come Home - This fic breaks my entire heart. This is a story where Touya and Fuyumi Todoroki are twins, two halves of the same whole. This goes through their childhood together, right up to the end where Fuyumi watches Touya being Dabi on TV and refuses to rat him out. She just wishes that he would come back. 

Who Will Protect Them - USJ 2.0, taking place when 1A has become 3A. After getting slammed into a wall and not being able to get back up, Aizawa wonders who’ll protect his class, before realizing that they’re more than keeping their own. He’s proud... and he’ll be even more proud if he survives this. 

Darken Your Door - This is a fic that deals with neglect, emotional abuse, and manipulation. While on a run to a corner store with Midoriya, Aizawa gets to meet his students estranged father. It doesn’t take long for him to realize that his student is extremely uncomfortable around his parent. From then on he wraps Hisashi Midoriya in more red tape than he’ll be able to get out from under. No one talks to his students unless his students want to hear from that person. 

Mouth Shut (Eyes Down) - A story in which Midoriya does not trust adults because they were the ones that let Bakugou and the rest of his bullies get away with assaulting him. He accidentally admits this to Aizawa after being stabbed when he thought he could “handle” getting stalked. 

A Touch of Hope - This is technically a soulmates fic, where you find your soulmate after physical contact. Shinsou was not expecting to find his at UA, nor was he expecting that it would give him an opportunity to join the Hero Course if he can prove himself. 

Voiceless - This is a shorter fic, only 1K, and it features Midoriya losing his voice when he gets sick and Shinsou taking care of him. It’s pretty cute. 

Creating Music - This is a three chapter fic taking place over two days, the day before and the day of Valentine’s Day. This is a MomoJirou fic that is really cute and sentimental. I love it so much. 

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year - In this fic, Midoriya is a dumbass and Shinsou finds his crush stuck to a pole by his tongue. He is not wearing a coat, and he has been stuck like this for a long time. 

Hook, Line, and Sinker - This is a great EraserMic fic in a Quirkless AU, where Aizawa thinks that his tinder date it a catfish because there is no way internationally famous singer Hizashi Yamada just matched with him. Note, there is smut in either the second or third chapter. 

Ask Me No Questions, I’ll Tell You No Lies - This is a silly little fic where Shinsou and Midoriya share a hotel room. Before you ask, there are two beds. There is a kiss, but that’s about it. A little OOC for Midoriya, but still pretty good. 

Shinsou the Local Cryptic - This is a fic where Shinsou becomes an internet meme of his own creating. It’s honestly pretty fun, and I had a good time with this one-shot. 

You Anchor Me Back Down - This is a one-shot with some fun art in it. When Todoroki is hit with a random Quirk that causes him to float whenever he’s happy, it’s difficult for him to keep his crush on Midoriya a secret. This takes place during their third year. 

Cosmic Confluence - Wonderful Shinsou-Centric fic where he’s a reaper and it’s his job to watch over Izuku Midoriya until he dies. I wish that there was more of this fic that I could read because the idea of this is so interesting.