#is this making sense so far??? i hope so lol

[vechter]

is the best leader of the dcu or the "leader of all superheroes" superman? because i've seen many debates over batman, superman, martian manhunter, wonderwoman. but i always thought it would be nightwing! people say batman is the tactician and superman sparks hope in people and guides them, doesn't nightwing do both?

maybe im underestimating supes here! of course everyone loves and trusts him (who wouldn't?) but i always thought the "leader" of the dcu was nightwing

hmm. can't not put the titans (1999) #1 panel here:

ok fr tho, i don't think i can answer this in a manner that does it justice because i've only read a limited number of superman comics. but my understanding of the JL dynamic, so far, has been that batman is the tactician while superman is the guy who's the moral centre— in a kind of head and heart way while wonder woman is the balance between the two— operating from a place of both heart and head.

however, the trinity defer to martian manhunter for leadership several times, even going so far as to nominate him for chairman in one of the JL runs after rebirth (can't remember the exact vol and issue and honestly, i rlly don't want to look sorry).

as for nightwing, he's definitely the ideal leader- there's tons of canonical evidence where all the titans look to him for leadership and several times, bruce even tells him that dick is meant to lead the JL, going as far as letting dick be a contingency leader in cases where the league falls (like obsidian age).

dick has usually done a good job anytime he's had to lead and he does make sense because like you said, he can be the best of batman and superman: head and heart. but personally, i don't think it's where dick would thrive (this is not to say he wouldn't do well— he would!!) but lately, i feel like dc has rlly been pushing him as the leader in big world events, which is good because i was getting real tired of nightwing being dumbed down and losing his competence but it feels a little... i don't want to say disingenuous... but something along those lines.

dick, imo, is sort of the heart of a pre-n52 dcu. here's an excellent meta that captures the kind of importance dick has.

also, there's a separate argument to be made about how dc started putting all of the bats in leadership positions when they saw how well received dick was as the leader of the titans but that's kind of a different tangent as to how the ability to lead is not a bat-trait but more of a person specific thing lol

tldr: look at these panels from martian manhunter (1998) #0:

i think this is a very good encapsulation of the guy who should lead the league and what it looks like

[turtleblogatlast]

Don’t think I ever quite said what my LGBTQ+ headcanons are for the boys, so these are my current thoughts! Always changing of course but this is what I feel most strongly right now.

[chevs-and-spiders]

i've got you

[robo-dino-puppy]

a tallneck on the journey west

[candyriku]

I unfortunately find myself unable to work on my current Soriku fic today due to my mental state, but I was able to make a bit of a teaser for the next big Soriku fanfiction that will be coming sometime after JTSYS is finished.

You can read it under the cut, but TW for blood, death, and uh, general misery. This has been cathartic for me to write but the whole idea of this fic is that things are impossibly doomed, so be warned - this is not the happy fun zone.

Blood. There was so much blood.

He had smelled it before even seeing it, the metallic scent thick in his nose before he had even rounded the corner. He had tried to convince himself that it was his own bleeding wound that he smelled, or maybe the blood of something else, someone else, but in his heart, he knew the truth. He picked up his pace, sprinting at top speed now, his sneakers splashing through shallow puddles on the wet pavement. 

When his eyes finally came to rest on the crumpled form at the end of the alley, the breath was knocked out of his chest as though someone had taken a baseball bat to his sternum. He knew, of course he knew, but he had hoped-

No. It didn’t matter what he hoped for. Hopes and wishes weren’t for people that walked his path. He had been denied the right to hope for anything ages ago. When he had signed that contract, signed away his soul, he forfeited all the cushy pleasures of a normal life. He had given up his chance of knowing peace.

But it had been worth it. If it was for Sora, anything was worth it.

Standing over Sora’s blood-soaked body, Riku tried to remind himself of that truth, the one thing that he had tethered his heart to all this time. It was worth it. Even if the chance of Sora making it out alive were next to none, there was still a chance. He could still fight.

One of these loops, Riku would get it right. He would figure out how to keep Sora safe, how to protect him from this accursed dimension where everything was designed to end his life. They would break out and live a normal life together, just the way they had always planned. 

There was a happy future waiting somewhere for the two of them. There had to be. Riku had gambled everything on it.

He crouched down, his shaking fingers gently brushing Sora’s tear-stained cheek. He could hardly stand to look at his face, but the sight of his broken, bleeding body was no better. The wounds were precise and lethal, and Riku was far too late.

No matter how many dozens of times he had watched Sora die, it never got easier. It never stopped feeling like his chest was a black hole caving in on itself, his heart squeezed until it was nothing more than dust. 

He couldn’t look. He couldn't look away.

Riku kneeled and placed both of Sora’s hands over his heart. He was about to speak and begin the incantation that would throw them both back to the starting point again, but Sora suddenly stirred, weakly reaching one hand up towards Riku’s face.

“Riku…” his voice was barely more than a whisper. 

“I’m here,” Riku said, the words catching in his throat. “Don’t speak. You can rest now. It’s okay.”

He hated to say it. He wanted to plead with Sora, wanted to beg him to stay. But if Riku had learned anything throughout the loops, it was that nothing came of begging. There was no one to answer his prayers; benevolent forces did not dwell here. At best, all it would accomplish would be making Sora sad in his final moments. At worst, future loops would be impacted by Riku’s words to Sora, twisting the knife further. He had seen it enough to know what to avoid now.

“I don’t want…” There was a weighted pause. “...Don’t want to leave you.” The pool of blood continued to grow. Riku knew - though he wished that he didn’t - that Sora wouldn’t be able to maintain consciousness for much longer at this rate. He could hardly believe Sora was awake even now. 

“We’ll meet again.” he assured Sora softly, trying to keep his voice steady. “Don’t worry. It'll be okay.” 

“You…” This pause was longer, much longer, and Riku was all but sure that Sora would not speak again. Finally, with a wet cough, Sora continued. “You promise?”

“I promise.” Riku lied. He leaned forward and kissed Sora’s forehead, his lips lingering there for several long moments as he took steadying breaths. 

“Mm… ‘kay.” Sora managed. “Love you… so much.” 

“I love you too.” Riku said, clenching his teeth so hard his jaw popped. He wanted to scream. After taking a moment to compose himself, he sat up and offered his best imitation of a smile to Sora. Better for him to see that than to see how broken Riku really was. 

The all-too-familiar faraway look settled on Sora’s face as the last of his breath left his body. Riku collapsed over him, the tears finally coming, the weight hitting him all at once with the force of a tidal wave. Even knowing that he would see Sora alive and well again in mere moments did nothing to comfort him. 

It didn't matter how many times Riku had seen it. It never got any easier to watch Sora die.

[virovirokun-has-adhd]

sad times, just realised new fav moot has endo "systems" (written like that) in their dni. :((

its not world ending and i wont unfollow them i'll js have to never ever bring up syscourse around them which is fine

i hope this doesnt end up as too big of a thing or i'll cry :(

im only 3 apples tall chat i js think ppl should live their lives how they want and that it doesnt actually effect anyone else ever

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

Oh no I am an anxious wreck once again. What now?

Here are a few tipps and tricks that help me personally to deal with anxiety (plus some I know work for others). Please feel free to add your own coping mechanisms in the notes!!!! Even though I technically know means to calm myself down, I always forget everything when I'm in the thick of it, so while this is mainly a reminder for myself I hope this list can help at least one other person as well :)

First of all: emotions are hard, and they are overwhelming, and shaming yourself will not make it better. Chances are it will make everything worse, actually. So don't you dare feel bad for needing help even with the "easy" stuff, or for not being able to endure as much as your peers, or even for half-assing stuff sometimes. It's fine. Like, for real. I promise it's okay. You don't need to always be at your best. You don't even need to be at your best most of the time.

What helps me personally is imagining that these struggles are affecting another person close to me. If my best friend were to call me because she needs help answering an E-Mail, or even to cancel last minute because she feels too overwhelmed to leave her house right now, I would never make her feel like crap because of it or talk about her behind her back or anything else your brain may be trying to convince you of. I know that she is at least as good a person as me (probably better tbh), so if I wouldn't do any of that, she certainly would never. In fact, believing these thoughts is actually a disservice to her, who did nothing to deserve these mean remarks (quite the opposite actually). Basically, try to twist and out-logic your own brain into being less of a cunt to you. Try guilt-tripping yourself into being kinder. The bad emotions are there anyways, might as well use them to your advantage. I can speak from experience that being anxious is a bit less unbearable if you aren't being a self-obsessed asshole on top of everything else

JUST FUCKING DO IT

If the source of your anxiety isn't a particular task you have been procrastinating on, or is something you can't just do whenever (f. ex. a job interview that's two days away), feel free to skip this part ^^

If you are still here: I know it can feel like actual hell to just do the thing. If you immediately want to click away after seeing this title I don't blame you. I mean, I am currently writing a huge ass post about anxiety instead of answering the two (2) E-Mails literally making my hands tremble. But the truth is, doing the thing is actually never as bad as it seems. Here's some stuff that maybe can help:

-> Remember that it's never been the end of the world before, so surely it won't start being it now. If you've already been through a similar situation: remember that it isn't the first time you've felt this way; remember that doing the thing wasn't as bad as you'd feared and, most importantly; remember how you felt after doing it. If this is the first time you feel like that, I'm sorry. I promise you aren't stupid for "overreacting", and I promise it will feel at least a little bit better if you just get it over with. And when you've managed the first time, you can now use that as an example instead of taking some stranger on the internet on his word. Worst comes to worst, you can still anon hate me (jk please don't)

-> Rewarding yourself. Remember that putting yourself down tends to make things worse. Allow yourself to be proud for your achievements, yes even the small ones that most people barely even think about. Because sometimes shit is just hard, but you still did it, and that's fucking awesome !!! For me personally just the knowledge that my anxiety will lessen (and I will probably get some good sleep - emotions are so fucking exhausting) is enough most of the time, but you can also give yourself a little treat afterwards. You've earned it!

-> Hide it in between chill tasks. Like right now, I'm writing this instead of my fucking E-Mail. I am a bit calmer since this is distracting myself from the daunting task of typing a few words. So I am now going to open my mails on another tab, type this shit, and send it. And I know that when I did that I will feel better about myself. And even if I fuck up somehow (how you ask? i don't fucking know), I will immediately have this task to come back to so I don't have the chance to overthink it. I FUCKING DID IT I AM THE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD

-> If you have a bunch of stuff you swore yourself you would do (a bunch can also mean like 2 btw) starting can seem even more daunting (even if it is, as aforementioned, "only" two). So I am very happy to present written lists my absolute beloved. In my experience, stuff is a lot less overwhelming if it isn't only living inside your head. You get a feeling of accomplishment when you can cross something off your list. You don't have to keep panicking about forgetting something (since everything is already written down on your list.) You can even break down bigger tasks into smaller more manegeable ones (f. ex. instead of "clean your room" -> "1. do your bed; 2. fold your clothes; 3. etc etc".) It's great because even if you don't manage the entire big task you still feel less like a failure since you've got proof of all the small accomplishments you did manage. Plus it's easier to continue on another day since you know exactly what you have to do and have proof of everything you already managed as a motivator.

-> Accept help. Be on the phone with a friend while doing the thing (if possible, of course). Ask your friends to be your hypeman before and after doing the thing. Get reassurance from other people. Go to your friend's house to ask them to read your E-Mails, summarize them verbally, and then type an appropriate answer for you (can you already tell me and electronic mail aren't in the best of terms?) Making things harder on yourself on purpose isn't being strong it's being stupid

-> already mentioned it a bunch of times, I know, but the thing that really helps for me is comparing with past experiences. I know I will feel better after I do it because that's always what happens when my brain blows things out of proportion. I know I can do this because I did even scarier stuff and it went well. Or even: if I manage to do this seemingly super scary thing, I will be able to use it as a motivator for smaller stuff in the future. I mean, what even is a fucking E-Mail in comparison to going to a social event on your own ??! (seriously, do it. in my experience it's surprisingly easy to find friends if you look pathetic enough, plus a lot of things seem a bit less paralyzing in comparison)

-> I turn it into a competition, or a game. If I do the thing I win. If I don't do the thing the anxiety wins. And I refuse to let that happen because I'm competitive AND a sore loser <3 so I do the thing. and then I feel a bit better

JUST DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. THINKING IS THE ANTITHESIS OF DOING. (which you can also use to your advantage, à la better to think about that unhealthy coping mechanism and why you shouldn't do it than to stop thinking about it and actually doing it instead. But that isn't the point right now)

DISTRACTIONS

Sometimes there just isn't anything you can do. Sometimes all you can do is wait. Sometimes you don't even know why the fuck you're feeling like that. And that fucking sucks.

I know there are some people who need an absence of stimuli in order to calm down. (If that's you, please leave some of your own pointers in the notes! I don't really have any ideas for that one tbh)

For me, the opposite is the case. I can't count the times my mom has told me to "try meditating!" or "don't do more than one thing at the same time it'll only stress you out even more!", unaware that giving my thoughts free reign would make everything so much worse.

I need to overwhelm myself in order to be able to forget about my anxiety for a while. Sometimes doing a task I've been dreading is easier after distracting myself for a few hours (being anxious is very tiring so if you let it run its course in the back of your mind for a while you'll have less energy for it later ^^). Here's some stuff that could help (though it should be noted that a) not everything will work on everyone and b) sometimes it just doesn't work. even if it worked the last five times. Don't ask me why it is what it is):

-> Do something (really anything) while listening to a video essay/podcast/audiobook. That's my go-to classic. Feel your mind slipping away from whatever you're doing? Force yourself to really listen to what is being said. Sometimes it helps to mouth the words along to my audio of choice (while still doing your thing at the same time!!) Speed it up (I've usually got my stuff at 1.75x or 2x). Assume that pretty much everything listed below can be done while having this as a second layer of distraction

-> Learn something new. I was literally just teaching myself the tabs for Every Breath You Take by The Police and 26 by Paramore on the guitar before starting this. I tried learning finnish and irish for a while there (learning vocabulary, trying to translate sth, learning grammar, etc.). Sometimes it can take a bit of time to get into it, but once you're there it's easy to lose yourself in it (in my experience at least.) And you can always start another video essay in the background!

-> Baking. I usually do half or fourth the recipe to a.) waste less ingredients; b.) have less stuff to eat so you can go bake more stuff sooner; and c.) feel less bad if it doesn't turn out how you hoped. Plus you can also make yourself more likeable by giving some to your neighbours ;)

-> Comfort book/series/movie/etc. I'll be honest, this one almost never works for me, but I know that for some people it does so on the list it goes

-> Take a walk. Touch some grass. Go outside. Personally have very mixed feelings towards this one. Used to do it all the time during lockdown (walking nowhere for literal hours while listening to music), but when it doesn't help it makes things much much worse (in my experience) So maybe be a bit careful? If you want to get away from your thoughts this is...bad. But otherwise (like if you just have the feeling of anxiety without a specific reason) it's worth a try

-> Do maths. I'm serious. For a while there I couldn't sleep, so I'd go on the net, search for equasion exercises, and just go wild. Don't look at the answer: this isn't the point. It's something with a fixed procedure and no consequences if you mess up (you won't even know if you mess up). Maybe instead of equations you find long division more relaxing. Just try not to think of school, put the pressure away, and give it a go.

-> Go to your comfort place. This is also a bit of a tricky one. First of all, not everyone has one of those. Or maybe you can't really go there (like, I always calm down when I'm at the beach. I adore the ocean. But I don't have sea anywhere near me, so sucks to be me i guess). But if you do have a place near you it's worth a try. Sometimes after a particular stressful therapy session i just...go chill at the library for a while. It helps :)

-> Blorbo scrolling. I personally prefer looking at a bunch of art and comics (visual stuff) since i don't really have the concentration to read when I'm anxious, but see what works best for you <3

-> Menial tasks. I love them. Sorting stuff that actually doesn't really matter (like taking all your books from your shelves and trying a new way to organize them). The already mentioned maths exercises. Washing the dishes/putting them back in their place (you can combine that one with the baking hehe). Volunteering work can also be pretty helpful: they often need help with menial tasks plus you can feel good about yourself for helping. Recently started helping at my local animal shelter and it's actually pretty great !

-> Sports. I personally hate sports and always feel worse afterwards, but so many people talk about it that it must be of help to someone out there. What I used to do when I got suddenly overrun by emotions is taking my skipping rope and jumping as fast as I physically could til I felt a bit better (and sweaty ew)

-> Sometimes I like starting a small project; depending on the mood either with no pressure to finish (or intention to show anyone ever because eww), or posting it in hope for praise that'll make me feel a bit better about myself heh. Just something else I can focus on. (ex. g. I've got a meeting I'm nervous about tomorrow so I started writing this huge-ass post) Just remember: IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE GOOD!! JUST CREATE! I PROMISE BEING CREATIVE AND/OR DOING STUFF IS AWESOME!! (or if nothing else at least frustrating enough to overshadow the anxiety lol)

-> In the wise words of mother mother: Dance and cry, and cry and dance and cry. (And sing. And scream. Or get out that skipping rope. Just let it out my dude.)

-> Watch a show in a foreign language faster (like 2x speed) and with subtitles (less time to read, more required focus, less brain power to panic)

-> immersive reading (audio + text); especially effective if you do it in a language you are currently learning or one that is similar (but not the same!) to your native tongue (f. ex. portuguese and spanish)

-> Try sleeping. Doesn't always work, but at least it wastes time.

I THINK I'M ABOUT TO HAVE A PANIC/ANXIETY ATTACK

-> Strong sudden stimulant. Like smelling a very strong perfume or taking a freezing shower.

-> Just. Let it wash over you. It sucks, yes, but it'll be over. Try keeping calm. I know, easy to say when you yourself aren't currently going through it, but anxiety about a future attack will not, in fact, make things less worse. Once again, remembering past attacks can help as well? It didn't kill you then, it won't kill you now. (My therapist suggested using a mental image, like huge waves or something. I personally don't do that but maybe it'll help)

-> Cover your ears and listen to your heart. Key point: this is NOT aiming to drown out noise, but to ground yourself by listening to your own body (bloodstream and creaking bones etc) (ty anon <3)

-> I'm not sure whether this'll work with panic attacks as well (according to google one of the key differences is that these don't really have a trigger and just....happen) and it probably won't be viable in every situation. But just. Be enough of a spiteful little shit to turn your breakdown into a powermove. (The distressing emotions are there anyways might as well make use of them). You told your teacher you get extreme anxiety when you have to speak in public and they ignored you because the school system actually hates kids? Look them right in the eyes as you start hysterically sobbing so they feel really bad, maybe be extra subdued the next few lessons. As far as you know it'll get you a few pity points that'll make a difference in your overall grade! (Pretty sure I got a better grade in my arts finals than i deserved) Someone knowingly breaks a boundary you set because "oh you've been doing so well" and "it's an irrational fear so it isn't real anyways" or whatever they tell themselves to justify it? This is your chance to make them really see how what they did is wrong (and hopefully will make them think twice before pulling shit like that again). If you warned them, they are literally asking for it. And it'll seem that much more impressive when you are having a good day for once and manage to get through it without one (you've earned that extra credit). Maybe I'm just a bit of a vindictive person, but reframing the narrative like that in my head gives me some semblance of control, which makes it all a bit less scary.

IT DIDN'T FIT ANYWHERE ELSE BUT IS STILL IMPORTAT

This is mostly me reminding myself that it's fine tbh. Because it is.

-> Remember that you can just do shit. I don't know how else to say this, but sometimes my anxiety makes it feel like hiding away in my room is my only option. But that's not true! There is so much stuff you can do, I'm always in awe for a while when I get this through my thick skull once again. Like, you can just go to places. You can just write to your friends. You can just start a chat with that cool mutual you're too nervous to directly interact with. You can move. You can change jobs. You can redecorate your house. You can get into a random train and only get out at the last station, wherever that may be. YOU CAN JUST DO SHIT?!?!?! ISN'T THAT FUCKING AWESOME?!!!!!!!!

-> Extreme emotions can have unpleasant physical side effects. Sweating. Body odor. No appetite and/or extreme hunger cravings (sometimes at the same time??). Diarrhea. It sucks (especially when it continues on for multiple days and your oh so kind peers make sure to constantly remind you of those physical symptoms you are already overly aware of). But it's normal and it's fine. It doesn't make you gross, I promise.

-> THIS TOO SHALL PASS (that's it. Sometimes it's good to remind yourself. This too shall pass.)

-> Sometimes I just do small harmless shit to prove my anxious lizard brain wrong. Randomly say hi on that group chat you haven't entered for months. Create something you aren't really happy with and post it anyways, just cuz you can. Go do something on your own. The more you prove your fears wrong with little things like that, the easier it gets (especially if you have to do bigger scary stuff). Spite can be your best friend. (Plus easy way to gain more points in my mental competition hehehe)

-> Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you will fuck up. You will barely be able to say a word in the social event you forced yourself to go in order to meet cool people. You will be so obviously anxious at your friend's birthday that she will still remember that over a year later (despite your best efforts to hide it at the time). You will get an anxiety attack because of something you thought you had already gotten over months ago. And it sucks, but more importantly, it's fine. This too shall pass. This is another reason why the previous point is so important: it's harder to hold these incidents over your head if you have so many other experiences where you managed to prove yourself.

-> YOU get to decide when you want to try confronting a fear. Nobody else can do that for you, no matter how often they mention "exposure therapy" and shit (it's about the control once again. in my experience it's important for it to be your choice). Occasionally hiding away doesn't make you a failure. There are always more chances, it's never too late to start. Already mentioned it a bazillion times, but this shit is exhausting and you are well within your right to stay in your comfort zone and rest.

-> I don't know if it's just a me thing but self reminder to avoid lactose and gluten when overly anxious. (i never do but i am aware of it that should count for something)

-> gender-affirming stuff can help ^^

-> Not viable to everybody, but sometimes I just delete all social media from my phone. You can still go there through browser of course (that's where I'm actually currently writing this) but just not having the icon on the phone can already feel somewhat of a relief (social media in this case also including messaging apps like discord or WhatsApp or fucking electronic mail my beloathed). That's actually what I am planning to do immediately after posting this thing that came out a bit more personal and stream-of-conscousness than initially planned. You won't even be able to tell cuz I never tag my queues hehehe

-> mentally dunking my stupid anxious lizard brain into salt water rn. Fuck you. I'm posting this. I'm leaving my house tomorrow instead of calling in sick. I'm winning.

[maingh0st]

A question did you plot your Taryn X ghost fic aka outline it or just wrote it and let the story come to you?

I'm a methodological pantser (thanks ellen brock for helping me realize my writing process is not crazy ✨) so I started with a very loose idea of: (1) where I wanted the characters to start, (2) where I wanted them to end, and (3) big developments that needed to happen along the way. all the little details came together in the process of writing, revising, re-outlining, restructuring, then rewriting. that might sound wild haha but it's just how my brain works—so yes I had a plan, but my outline was very bare bones to begin with & became more fleshed out as I wrote!

[eggwishing]

little peek at somethjing i am cooking up ...

[punkstylerecovery]

This might sound strange but I drew a dandelion today. I sat down, got out the paints I don't use, pulled up a reference and drew two of the simplest dandelions you'll ever see.

I don't know exactly what prompted it. I don't like dandelions much anymore. They symbolize a "weed" that doesn't belong but helps everyone around it, that helps plants around it grow and enriches the soil, then removes itself from the situation when it's no longer needed. A dandelion exists for all the plants around it but never itself.

I learned those things years ago. With [Her]. That was the type of child I was going to be, [She] told me. That was the type of child [She] would be proud of. That was the type of child [She] wanted me to be. We would be dandelions together, managing our family.

So I was. And whenever I strayed, she reminded me. We're dandelions. We can't quit. We can't have needs of our own. We can't have lives of our own. She bought me dandelion shaped things, things with dandelion imagery. I accepted them as they were meant to be: gifts.

I cherished what she called "our special relationship" and I cherished being wanted, even if it was for being something I didn't think I was.

Isn't it strange, the things that haunt you? I've spent years, nauseous at the sight of dandelions. They used to be my favorite flower.

But today I sat down and drew them. Remembered how beautiful they are. How when you draw them, they look a little like mini suns. Remembered how much I loved their fun little frills before they became connected to something I still don't rightly understand.

I don't know how much it helped. If I'll be honest, it kind of hurt. But I don't feel nauseous right now. And I have two beautiful dandelions to keep me company so, I think (weird as it seems) this might be a win.

[skunkes]

[aerticent]

I want to preface this by saying that I am in no way shape or form saying that any of this is excusing Elara and the shit she did to Maven. I think she's a pos who deserved what she got. That being said her and Maven's relationship is so interesting to me!!

I hate when people paint Elara as hateful towards Maven and like she viewed him as inadequate because I just don't think that's true. I think she understood Maven's position as the second born and as her son specifically. I think she understood that despite him being innocent regarding everything that happened to Coriane, he would always be antagonized by their family and he would always be othered by his father. I think because of this she conflated every "flaw" as something major even if it's as small as him learning to walk later than everyone else. Those "flaws" would always follow him, he wasn't given the same leeway as Cal. Obviously this doesn't excuse what she did to him, nothing will, but I do think it's interesting to think about how she reached the conclusion that what she was doing to him was okay.

I also like how there are instances in the books themselves of her being caring towards Maven in a very motherly way. There are two instances that come to mind of this happening. After the Sun Shooting Mare sees her clinging onto him. I think it's because she finds comfort in him and she was also worried for him, because even though the shooting was planned it was still something that could've killed him. There was also when Mare mentioned Thomas during the betrayal scene. Mare brings Thomas up and even though Maven brushes her off she can see she hurt him. Elara immediately reached towards Maven and told him to say goodbye. I don't see this as her being scared of Mare getting through to him, but instead her being worried because she knows more than anyone how much Thomas still effected him. I've always interpreted her taking his ability to dream away as a desperate attempt to help her son who was grieving. She was likely the only person to ever see Maven's grief and how much it was hurting him and the only thing she could do was try to remove any trace of Thomas from Maven. Even though it didn't fully work, if anything it left him worse off, I do think it was her trying to help her child in any way she could.

Elara, more than anyone, was aware of the way everyone in that court viewed Maven. Even though she knew Cal loved him, I wouldn't blame her if she had the fear that Cal would turn on him given that all of Cal's family openly showed their disdain for Maven. I also think that the treatment Cal received compared to Maven reaffirmed her belief that any "flaw" Maven had would follow him always. For example, Cal was never very good at politics and, despite politics being something he would need to be competent at, he was always given leeway when it came to it. It was understood that even though Cal struggled with politics he would receive help from his council. Compare this to Maven. Maven struggled heavily with combat, he was competent enough with it to defend himself but he was by no means great. It felt like there was a sense a shame that surrounded the fact that Maven needed protection. That even if he wanted to, he couldn't fight in a battle the way Cal could. Maven's strengths were always cast aside because of his weaknesses, whereas Cal's were accepted and he was given the resources he needed without any sense of any major insult.

I wonder what an average day was like for Maven when he was growing up and what his relationship with his mother was like day to day. I don't think Elara was in his head making changes everyday, so I wonder what their day to day interactions entailed. I wonder if she was openly motherly to him or if she restricted it private interactions only. I wonder how exactly she felt when Maven would go to Cal for comfort instead of her. I wonder how she felt knowing that everyone (atleast on Tibe's side smh I NEED more on the Merandus') outside of their immediate family at best couldn't care less about Maven and at worst hated him simply for existing. I wonder how she felt watching Tibe emotionally neglect Maven. I think most of all I want to know if she ever did feel bad for what she was doing to him. Did she ever feel guilt or shame for changing things about him? Was there any instances where she didn't want to make the changes but felt she had to for his safety in the court? Did she have limits/changes she would not make no matter what? Were there any changes she regretted?

I think in general the story could've benefited as a whole if there was more insight to Elara and her mentality when it came to Maven simply because it would've fleshed out two of the central antagonists more. I think just getting the conversation where she told Maven the plan regarding his engagement to Mare from her perspective could've added some insight to their relationship and Maven's character as a whole.

I also think Maven's feelings towards his mother are wonderfully written. I love that he understands she's hurt him and he still loves her. He tells Mare about how she forced him to walk and told her that Elara only told him because she felt it proved her love for him. He understands that what she did wasn't love because all it did was hurt him, but he still loves her. He still wants to be buried next to her and he still misses her. It's heartbreaking to know that the only reason he loves her as much as he does is because he feels he has no one else. She hurt him but she was the only one who cared enough to do anything at all.

I would feel wrong not mentioning Cal as he is the only other character who was with Maven through all of this and he certainly did care. Obviously it isn't Cal's fault he wasn't able to help Maven. They were both children, to expect Cal to have been able to do something when they were both children is stupid. But I do see how Maven could rationalize this as him not caring enough. He loved Cal so much and actively sought him out for comfort, so I can understand how Maven would feel betrayed when Cal wasn't able to notice the changes occurring. Once again, it isn't Cal's fault in the slightest but I understand how Maven reached the conclusion he didn't care enough. (not to mention he had his ability to love Cal taken but I have mixed feelings on that whole ordeal)

I want to once again mention, none of this excuses Elara's actions. What she did to Maven is unforgivable even if she did think she was helping him. I think it's interesting to think about why she did everything she did and how she justified it to herself.

I probably missed a few things, it's been a while since I read these books. (I'm rereading them soon so maybe I'll make a follow up afterwards with any new thoughts I have) I've been thinking a lot about the relationship a mother can have with her child and naturally my mind drifted to these two lol.

[mishtershpock]

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[brotherhoodoftheblade]

Perhaps the only good thing about Percy so far seemingly not having been cast in the show is that -- aside from my fears of what DG and writers would do with him -- I don't have to look at the actor they chose and constantly think how he's not pretty enough to be Percy. 😅

On the other hand, maybe the casting gods would've miraculously blessed us with the perfect amazingly handsome, delicate featured, beautiful-eyed and soft spoken Percy of our dreams and we're being deprived of the pleasure of gazing upon him as we speak...who knows? 😢

Oh, the cruelty of (most likely) never knowing! Sometimes I'm not sure what I want anymore...😭

But I will always love and protect Percy Wainwright, come hell or high water -- that much at least is certain. ❤

[hyp3rfixation-h3ll]

Sorry for putting this one out so late, life got ahead of me today X__x I know i made a piece for PMATGA's overall bday, but I feel as if i should make a separate one for, arguably, the episode that literally changed my life, as corny as that sounds. So I did :o) Happy 10 years to the middleaged orb couple that changed mine and, in turn, many, many other peoples' lives. <3 (Feat mine and @cogsincorporated's respective designs for sunny and zac as well as the canon ones <3)

[noblesixjm04]

Forget Me Not

Pairing: N/A

Characters: Master Chief/John-117 Cortana

Warnings: Character Death

Song: Skin and Bones- David Kushner

An: Hi yes. Hello. I wanted to work on something else. This happened instead. Enjoy.

"Let me sit here, on the threshold of two worlds. Lost in the eloquence of silence.

-Jalalud'din Rumi (1207-1273), 13th century mystic and poet.

It was something only she could see. These little holographic creations of her own. They surrounded him. The soft blue and lavender flowers draped over his shoulders. The only hues of color she could conjure up.

It was supposed to be a one time thing. Something born out of boredom. They had only lasted a few brief moments. Nearly a lifetime in the eyes of an AI.

The first time it had been butterflies. The small things fluttering around his head in shades of lavender. Their movements, though chaotic, were still calculated. Nothing more than a light filled series on ones and zeros. Data only she could see.

It was still beautiful though. These creations.

"You're amused." Came Johns voice. She almost startled. Almost.\

"You could say that." Her lips pulled into an almost smile. One that John couldn't see. But more so one he could feel.

John let out a soft breath of air. Then responded with. "You're buzzing." She tinged to almost pink. As did the butterflies. And as she slipped back into her normal hue, the butterflies left in little bursts of light.

Any response she could have had was halted by the arrival of the comander.

Other moments had been brief. Little moments of laxed time when the world seemed to still before her. She experimented with flowers, insects. She had given him a halo of the palest blue at one point. And just as quickly she had taken it away. It had been so bright. Looked so right resting on his head.

If possible. The sight of it had broke her heart.

The second to last time. It...

It hurt. John was in cryostasis. She had never been this alone before. This...

"Wake me. When you need me." She needed him the moment he had went inside that cryotube. That moment it had locked and hissed. Stealing him away from her.

She had covered him and the cryotube in a Boquete of flowers. Iris, mountain ash, blue violets, zinnin, poppies, and phlox. John was bathed in them to the point that all she could see was his helmet through the frost covered window. And when he woke. A singular crown of mayflower and rose rested on his helmet.

She wished she could tell him. Show him. But this was in her own world. Not his.

Even still. Her. Now. There were the flowers.

Forget me nots draped upon his shoulders. Fell down like a robe to his waist. They wound down his arms. Dangled from his wrists. She had just enough left in her to make the petals fall. Only to disappear before they hit the floor.

"It was my job to take care of you." She could see her reflection in his visor. Could hear the almost hurt in his voice. The hurt he didn't want her to hear.

"We were supposed to take care of each other." She pressed her palm to his chest. Firm and unmoving. Grounding her to this moment when every inch of data within her wanted to just. Disappear.

She brushed a few of the holographic flowers away. To him it looked as if she were trailing her fingers on his battered amor. Carefully she traced over the numbers. 117.

"And we did." The flowers flickered and faded as she looked back up. Pressing her palm flat over the numbers.

"Take care of yourself John. And remember me." And so did she.