#it actually detracts so much from will's character bc the POINT of his becoming is that he has ALWAYS been this way

[daisies-on-a-cup]

actually you know what if you make will's dad an abusive parent i cant say i trust you much

[jaywalkers]

hiii i recently finished reading sunset like survival (it was so so so fucking good. epic. amazing. is living in the most inner part of my ribs being cradled gently !!!!!!) and i was v bewitched and fascinated by how u handled andrew choking kevin and the consequences in each subsequent loop ! the guilt andrew felt and anger as well towards kevin for not like idk defending himself properly ? (sorry if that’s the wrong word) say no basically . the way kevin assumed their deal was broken bcs andrew hurt him and the betrayal suffocating him GOD ,,,,,,, and how they grew from it just wow wow wow laying at the bottom of ur feet looking up at u in wonder rn !!!!! i could FEEL the choking incident hovering above the two of them like a cloud and to see it resolved in a way that didn’t quite erase it entirely but allowed them to perhaps move on from it ? truly stunning ,,,,

did u have any specific thoughts on why u chose it to be a major focal point during the loop, ur thoughts on how it was handled in canon ( the way it was moved on from ? treated humorously) and anything else rlly that comes to mind ? also i love all ur writing sm <3 the way i’m able to immerse myself in ur fics and see the way u breathe life into these characters is beautiful. truly. ily 💖

ah! first of all thank you so much for not only reading s,ls, but also for loving it as much as you did! it's always such an honour that people took time to experience the gender-crisis fuelled monstrosity that is timeloop au even two years out.

to answer your two questions: (under a cut bcs she's LONG)

i don't like how it's handled in canon, and while i accept it and love to see other people's takes on it (how it is/isn't in character, that it proves/detracts from kevins role), i personally think it's out of character for andrew and is a point of no return for the kandreil dynamic that i love.

the baltimore scenes are the inherent breakdown of the kandreil dynamic; by the end of tkm, it's wildly different to how it was at the start of the novel and not in a way that serves kevin's character well (or even andrew, really). with andrew and kevin's deal percived to be broken and all neil's secrets out in the open, there's no need for kevin to be a part of that dynamic when it comes to the character-driven plot, only the moriyama narrative. andreil become the most prevalent dynamic, and kevin is detatched — shut out, really, right before the apex of his character arc. neil and andrew base their following opinions of him based on his choices during baltimore and give him little further choices.

during/following the choking incident, as seen in kevin and andrew's tiff on the court a few chapters later, andrew wants kevin to prove that he can stand up for himself without andrew's help — maybe to justify breaking the deal off on his end, or out of frustration with kevin. what he doesn't understand is that kevin has a formal relationship with violence, especially as a punishment. he won't — he was groomed not to. that ultimately leaves them at an impasse until kevin gets his tattoo, part of his character narrative that neil and andrew for once are not there to witness because they've excluded him from their inner dynamic by this point in the plot.

so why did i posit it as a major focal point in the loop?

first of all, i'd already decided to set it in the baltimore 'arc', and within that for kandreil in canon there are two key events that influence the rest of the plot, and in my mind the loop happens because these two events are so out of character for the universe that they warp reality. and those two events are:

neil dying (kidnapping)

andrew choking kevin

ergo — both of these things need to be fixed to fix the loop. the loop in my opinion does actually help facilitate that second one, because for kevin and andrew to help neil they cannot be at odds. kevin and andrew's pov's are first because they cannot fix neil's problem without first fixing their own, and that has always been the one of equal standing between them.

andrew wants kevin to stand up for himself and kevin wants to not be afraid. similar things but different at the core of them. the loop forces them into close proximity — kevin is always near andrew's hands and andrew is always near the reminder that he hurt someone who did not deserve it. bridging that is a way of andrew learning that he can relearn trust, and kevin learning he doesn't have to forgive to stop fearing something.

also the loop allows andrew to see that kevin wasn't withholding information because he doesn't care about neil — he was withholding it because he cares about neil. kevin sees that andrew hurt him not because he doesn't care about kevin, but because he was so blinded by fear for neil. it puts them eye to eye and forces them to put things out in the open at a pace that suits them, with a static environment they can't escape. i don't like the choking scene — but it lends well to forcing andrew and kevin to air all their other grievances alongside it.

i hope this all makes sense!!!!!! again thank you thank you thank you for reading it and loving it and engaging in it so fervently! s,ls is a fever dream of a fic but i do dearly adore it and im so glad someone wanted to hear me character dump for a few hundred words about it <333 get off anon so i can kiss you on the lips

[shizuostrans]

Which artist do you think portrays Shizuo the closest to your vision of the character? Thank you and have a nice day!

ooooh this is a good question. there are a lot of amazing designs for him that call to me as shizuo on different levels and that’s the beauty of art! i could go on and on about each manga artist’s portrayals of him and fanartists’ unique art styles and how one captures the best warm smile or scowl or hair tufts or sad brown eyes to me. there’s just. so much to love.

but i'm too shy to tag my fave fanartists and the shizuo i see when i think about him has been yasuda for a long time.

i have beef with how he developed several of his other designs but to me he far and away does the best job at bringing narita’s description of shizuo to life. i've seen a lot argument over narita’s design choice (that i'm not sure how much is genuine?) but each passage written about his appearance is filled with intention and it shapes and means the world to me. :)

bc beyond his height everything about him screams and should scream Most Normal Guy Ever.

even how he presents himself is said to make him appear like he’s playing dress up as someone imposing than actually being imposing. and that’s the kicker. once he’s seen in action he goes from being an unassuming person that anyone with the slightest bit of fighting prowess believes they can take out to the most terrifying person in the room for the exact same reason.

suddenly those traits that make him no different than the next guy become the traits that place him Starkly Outside Normalcy. every part of his design is etched with purpose. he’s lanky without visible muscle bc his body and power and character brute force past logic, he wears sunglasses to hide how soft his eyes are remarked to be, his bleached hair and bartender getup come from those he respects and he uses them all to create an identity to warn others off bc nothing else about him does UNTIL he makes it known how out of the mold of conventionality a freak of nature like him is. then everything clicks into place.

unrelated but it’s not mentioned in the anime that shizuo’s anime-typical vein throbbing is an uncanny phenomenon remarked on by various characters with izaya even saying most would think it’s due to a medical condition which is such a hilarious creative choice that i love to bits.

narita put SO much thought into his character design to the point where every facet of it is tied into his narrative and even slight alterations can detract from that. it makes every one really resonate with me and you can feel that attention to detail that yasuda does with shizuo too. any artist that incorporates all those components into their design of him care for him and his character a great deal which has had the most impactful effect on me. and that amount of care is almost impossible to replicate beyond the artist who was first tasked with drawing him.

(satorigi akiyo is a very close second tho. yasuda is obviously more limited in the amount he draws but she gives shizuo a greater range of expressions even for the same emotion and honestly yasuda walked so she could run in every other capacity but i can not and will not forgive her for giving shizuo blue eyes.)

[monsterkissed]

You said you liked to share BNGN trivia, so you got any tidbits?

some assorted trivialities (spoilers for a fanfic up to the latest chapter):

the fic was originally envisioned (and partly written) as a series of drabbles! if i had kept that going, it would currently be 5,376 drabbles long.

tiramisu was written into the outline entirely as bait/tribute to my partners, who are big siamese fans. she is now the most popular oc i have ever made for anything. i considered writing an origin story fic for her back when there was a jjba oc zine in the works, but it fell thru and now it only lives in my head. it involves multiple murders : )

bngn is not phf-compliant bc i did not want to read it. to make up for this i promise to find other horrible things for fugo to go through instead <3

probably not news to anyone by this point but here is some explicit confirmation: the first prologue that opens the fic is not about doppio

there are so many cases of foreshadowing in the form of jokes or joke-adjacent statements at this point that i cannot actually remember them all. if you see me make a silly comment in this fic there is at least a 20% chance it's actually a very sneaky mean comment hiding behind the linear progression of time

when i first drafted the outline act 3 was much much shorter and had a few drastic differences. one of these was that polnareff (or at least one of him) would have survived to support the gang much as he does in the original VA, but i could not think of anything fun for him to do that didn't detract from everything else, or at least nothing more fun than the inexplicable spectacle of two dead polnareffs after all of the build-up towards him. rip, rip.

speaking of fun: i wanted to have every major character get at least one really cool moment, regardless of how central they were to the story. i didn't want anyone to feel like you could cut them out completely and it wouldn't matter, i wanted to keep that ensemble feel of VA and give everyone room to affect the story in important ways, even if the fic still obviously has its focusses. of the ones i've published so far, i think i like mista's intervention in the Trish & Dop vs Fugo fight best out of those moments because i just had so much fun writing and visualising it and he felt like a natural fit to provoke fugo's own position in the story as a person fixated on the objective facts (which he was canonically Not Wrong about, in terms of sticking with bruno being a dubious plan for anyone fond of staying alive) to face off against someone who operates more on vibes and rolling the dice.

way back in the depths of drabble-draft the flashbacks were going to occur chronologically, followed by the present day stuff. but as i became aware that this was growing into something i realised that this would be stitching two pretty drastically different fics together back to back, and decided instead to use the current format. in theory this was purely going to allow me to show doppio's relationship with diavolo alongside his absence from him, so we can see simultaneously why he values and misses him so much and what he's becoming without him. in practice it led to a bunch of smaller changes that built up into, among other things, the premise of the entire canon divergence. technically, all of the flashbacks in act 1 and 2 "take place" during ch. 30. there is an implication to this that so far nobody has commented on ;)

i spent an amount of time researching macdonalds in italy that i will never ever get back

speaking of researching things that don't matter to anyone but me: everywhere a major scene happens is based on a specific spot i hand-picked on google maps. i roamed a lot of italian countryside via satellite trying to find the Exact kind of big, ugly, concrete-floored farm i had in mind for the first secco fight

technically this fic (or at least the extended universe around it) has sorbet and gelato VA-style origin stories to go with their fanstands (which i had a lot of fun with, workshopping around ideas for things that would make for excellent and suitably juicy assassination tools but vulnerable in a stand vs stand battle). much like tiramisu, so does my second stand-using oc brodo (who also cameos in 'I Think We're Alone Now', because skulking around trying not to be noticed is his speciality) the third, katarina, is only mostly goncharov-inspired, and Heart of Glass was originally going to be one of the chapter titles for this fic. another song with a very similar title still will be!

i had no intention of narancia being as big a presence in the fic as he was, but the longer i wrote the more i realised that he's just too fun to put in a room with doppio. the scene where he accepts the truth made me feel genuinely like a bit of a horrible person because i'd enjoyed building up their friendship so much and it was one of those chapters where i knew Exactly what the character would want to do and exactly why it would be the thing that would hurt them the most.

when i was hammering out the outline for what would become this fic an artist i had been following released a song that i put on in the background while i wrote, and then stopped writing and went back to listen to it properly twelve or thirteen times because it was eerily vibing perfectly with some of the themes i had been kicking around in my head trying to make something out of. it put a few seeds in my head in the way that some things serendipitously do, so much so that i almost named the whole fic after it. in the end, i decided to affix it to just one chapter where i felt it would best set the tone for the imminent descent to come. that chapter would be chapter thirty-eight.

[labyrynth]

i really dislike that the drama added another person to mo xuanyu’s hit list for a couple of reasons, mostly having to do with how it detracts from mxy’s, wwx’s, jgy’s, and nhs’s characters (to a degree)

(more below bc this got way longer than i expected it to)

it detracts from wwx’s character as someone who wants to do what’s right, even if he doesn’t personally have a stake in it—bc in the book, he doesn’t! the terms of the curse are fulfilled and he has no further obligations to mo xuanyu, let alone the weird corpse arm. that’s a huge part of wwx’s character, though: that whether or not he’s affected, he wants to make things right, regardless.

but the drama waters down that aspect and takes away his agency in choosing to pursue the mystery anyway, and says “you HAVE to do this or your soul will be ripped apart :)” and it’s like. you didn’t HAVE to force him. he would have done it anyway.

which leads me to the other part that i dislike: the fact that the last person is jin guangyao.

the fact that mo xuanyu has also, apparently, sworn vengeance against jgy further insinuates that jgy has done wrong. there’s plenty of speculation that he had found out something incriminating about jgy, and jgy needed him gone AND slandered so no one would take him seriously, and that interpretation is very easily followed in the show: jgy framed mxy.

by contrast, in the book, the impression that wwx gets from mxy’s own account is that mxy was kicked out of koi tower for sexually harassing or assaulting another man (who we later find out was jgy, mxy’s publicly known half brother). if mo xuanyu had done nothing wrong, then why would wwx get this impression based on mo xuanyu’s account of what happened? ppl have already addressed how the likelihood that jgy would MAKE UP a rumor about being sexually harassed by his own brother, knowing that he married his sister, is infinitesimally low. the novel clearly frames mxy getting kicked out as legitimate.

and like, i get that the drama is censored and whatever, but it grates on me that they turned it into yet ANOTHER reason why jgy is eeeeviiiiil. they didn’t have to add these implications that jgy also wronged mxy—what does it add at this point? his character can’t get much blacker!

but the thing that drives me nuts is that it also forces an ultimatum between wei wuxian and jin guangyao; by definition, they can’t both survive.

sure you can argue that it was mxy who added the stipulation, but given how explicit they made huaisang’s machinations, he absolutely played a part in including jgy on that list. “if you don’t do this thing, you can’t stay alive” is functionally the same as “do this thing or i’ll kill you,” which is not a terribly compelling argument for why you’re actually in the right and you’re just seeking justice. it also a shitty thing to do to the “friend” you just got resurrected.

more importantly, if huaisang had trusted wwx to carry out justice this stipulation wouldn’t be necessary. maybe in the novel, huaisang assumed that wwx’s version of justice would mean jgy’s death, and he didn’t anticipate that wwx would have become less vindictive, and wound up having to switch to plan B, or maybe he was content to let wwx seek justice on his behalf, and in the heat of the moment decided that wasn’t enough. we don’t know! in the drama, however, huaisang doesn’t give wwx any choice in the matter (uh…even if wwx didn’t figure this out until after the fact. cough). this does reemphasize that nhs was never after justice, but it also demonstrates nhs’s lack of faith in wwx from the very beginning. (ironically, he does put wwx into the exact position that jgy was in when he was forced to make those decisions—do it or die. it’s up to you!)

while i’m not against a less favorable interpretation of huaisang, most people just flat out don’t put enough thought in to actually get to that interpretation, so we still wind up with this idea that nhs WAS after justice, it’s just that justice WAS jgy’s death…when nobody else at guanyin temple seemed inclined to agree. and also when the thing jgy was killed for was something he explicitly did not do. uhhh justice amiright?

anyway i ran out of steam so just take it

[alloftheimaginesblog]

Life Without Colour (PART FIVE)

Soulmate AU: Your vision is in black and white until you meet your soulmate. You and your boyfriend, Steve Rogers, aren’t each others soulmates but you love each other. He introduces you to his friends, the Avengers, and a very odd thing happens.

Characters: Steve Rogers x Plus Size Female Reader, Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Female Reader

Note: ignore that i don’t even question bucky being able to get through security at the airport, i couldn’t think of how he would be able to get through the airport security bc of his metal arm so i’ve skipped that detail completely. i hope it doesn’t detract from the story! 

this is nearly 6000 words!

Taglist:  @domainoflostsouls​  forgetthisbull  handon-h-art  yourspecialcrush  giulsgotmusic  mrsbarnes-rogers  luosymekawa  linzeyzarcone  forgetthisbull   calamityreads  talgra   marina-darling  btsforlif  lamoursansfin  classic1985  lovesicksofi  fandomsfallnomore  thebivirgin  classygladiatorcupcake

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE

PART FOUR

PART FIVE

PART SIX

Seconds turned to minutes and minutes turned to hours. You had long since stopped trying to figure out what state you were in and where you were headed. Bucky had been driving non-stop aside from two bathroom breaks at a small gas station in the middle of nowhere. You had stopped crying a long time ago, too drained and too tired to continue. You felt horrendous. You hated this, you absolutely hated this but you had no choice in the matter. The car had been silent for the whole way aside from the quiet chatter on the radio. Bucky hadn’t wanted to speak in fear of upsetting you further. He had been driving you out of state to go to an airport that would be a little harder to find. It had been Fury’s idea, to go to an airport that Hydra wouldn’t look for straight away. It gave you a little more time to get away without being watched.

You took a break from watching the blur of trees and roads to glance at the clock on the dashboard; 13:42. You hadn’t eaten yet, barely had anything to drink either and you knew that you weren’t far away from a dehydration migraine. As if on cue, your stomach rumbled loudly. Bucky, without speaking, reached behind his car seat and produced a rucksack and dumped it on your lap with a, “Here. There’s water and some snacks in there. We’ll get a proper meal when we’re at the airport.”

You dug through the bag, producing two bottles of water. You opened one and offered it to Bucky, he accepted with a nod, draining half before handing it back to you. You offered him a muffin but he shook his head. You dropped the bag to between your feet and began to have your water and muffin. It helped curb the hunger, at least for a while, and you felt a lot better once you had something in your stomach. After a while, you sank back into your seat with a yawn.

Bucky glanced over at you, “We’ve still got a few hours to drive, you can sleep if you want.” You looked at him and he gave you a small smile, “It’s okay. I’ll wake you up when we’re there.”

You thanked him quietly before closing your eyes. It didn’t take long before you fell asleep and your soft snores filled the car. Bucky looked at you for a couple of seconds, smiling to himself. Man, it’s gonna be a long few weeks.

It only felt like you’d closed your eyes for a few minutes when Bucky was saying your name, gently shaking your shoulder. Groggily, you opened your eyes to meet his blue eyes and it almost gave you a fright seeing them. Sometimes it still surprised you to see colour and especially when Bucky was around... colour seemed to be brighter and those deeper blue eyes seemed so bright in person.

“We’re here,” he said, pulling back quickly, not wanting to upset you by being too close. Bucky was very careful of boundaries, he always had been but especially after the Winter Soldier incidents. He knew what it felt like to not want to be touched or have your personal space invaded so he was always careful to not overstep.

“You’ve got the fake passports and stuff, don’t you?” You asked him, yawning and stretching in your seat.

He nodded and told you that they’re in his bag. In order to help the process of becoming anonymous, Fury had fake IDs and fake passports made for the two of you. They’d even gone so far as to create two new backstories for the pair of you just in case anyone ever questioned the pair of you. You and Bucky got out of the car, your legs ached from having sat in the car for hours upon hours. It was dark outside now, you didn’t know the time. Bucky grabbed the bags out of the car and handed you the two passports to hold. As you walked into the airport, you flicked to it. Miss Jane Smith and Mr John Smith. Two very common and obvious fake names but you hoped that it wouldn’t be picked up.

The check in process was much easier than you anticipated, the passports passed the ID checks and soon, the two of you were through security and heading for the food outlet. Bucky had told you to keep your head down for most of the time and to avoid direct eye contact with cameras. The airport was relatively quiet which was good in the sense you didn’t have to worry about people around you noticing Bucky. Bucky led you to a small café which was quiet and the two of you sat at the back. Everything was kind of passing in a blur and it only seemed like a few seconds until Bucky was back with your food.

You began to eat in silence and it was then you realised where you were going, “Estonia?” You asked quietly, making sure to not be overhead.

Bucky nodded as he took a bite of his burger, “Managed to find a secluded house, already furnished. The owner agreed to let us stay for a discounted price as well.”

“I’ve never been,” you shrugged, taking a bite of your food, “Where are we right now?”

“Pittsburg,” he said, glancing around the café to make sure no one was taking notice of the pair of you, “Steve thought it would be a good idea to leave from an airport a few hours away from New York. Hydra and Rumlow would check New York airports first once they realise you’re out of town.”

You smiled sadly as you looked down to your food. Leave it to Steve to think of everything. Bucky told you that the flight would be leaving in an hour and it would be a long ass flight but it was okay because you were exhausted and you could absolutely sleep for a good portion of the flight anyway.  

You sighed, “When can I take this stupid disguise off? I’m so uncomfortable!”

Bucky studied you carefully, “When we’re in the safe house.”

“Do I look stupid? I feel stupid.”

“You look... different. Not bad just different,” he paused before speaking again, “I prefer you as you are though, without the wig, contacts and flashy clothes. I think you look much better when you’re being yourself.”

You didn’t know how to respond to that with anything other than a nod. It felt foreign and wrong to receive a compliment from him, even though it was a genuine, friendly compliment, it felt wrong. The two of you didn’t say much after that.

After eating, you and Bucky went to get some plane snacks. You grabbed some water and some treats, you also wandered to the book section and picked up a book. As you were walking to the books, you saw a little boy and girl pass wearing matching Captain America t-shirts. Your breath caught in your throat as you watched them pass. It seemed to hit you in that moment that this was real and this was truly happening.

“(y/n)?” Bucky asked appearing behind you.

You turned to him, “Sorry... I just can’t believe this is happening.” 

Bucky nodded before gesturing to the check out, “Let’s get this all checked out and then hopefully we’ll be able to go to our departure gate.” He didn’t really know how to help you without overstepping or potentially upsetting you. He didn’t want you to get upset in public so he thought that he could keep you distracted and that would help ease your worries. It helped, having him there to guide you and distract you from possible sad thoughts helped a lot actually.

You found your airplane seats quick, the two of you were bang smack in the middle and you were both in a two seater section. Bucky let you go in first, saying that he preferred not to look out of the window when taking a flight. You sunk into it, keeping your head down and wrapping your arms around yourself to get warmer. As Bucky sat beside you, tapping his foot and his hand on the armrest impatiently, you looked at him curiously, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, “Just... not a big fan of flying.”

You pulled out the magazines which were in the pocket of the chair in front of you and handed him them, “I find that reading the safety procedures always helps. Also reading the magazine where you can just check out the meal deals and the perfume deals help a bit.”

Bucky took them off of you and began to flick through them. In the meantime, you closed your eyes. As the plane began to move, Bucky tensed beside you and you opened your eyes to look at him, his hands were clenched around the arms of the chair, jaw clenched too.

“Hey, show me that,” you said, sitting up straighter and pointing to the magazine. He looked at you and then handed it to you. Bucky had been helping you out by distracting you from being sad, the least you could do is distract him from being anxious. You leaned over, probably a little closer than you would’ve felt comfortable with in normal circumstances. Bucky stiffened as he smelled your perfume when you came closer. You took no notice of the closeness.

“Look at that!” You said, pointing to the menu that they were offering that night on the flight, “What would you have?” Bucky shrugged and you rolled your eyes, “C’mon. I’d have the chicken curry and the cheese and ham panini and then I would absolutely have the tiramisu afterwards. What about you?” You held it closer to him for him to study.

“Uh... I mean, I suppose the lasagne sounds nice. The breaded mushrooms too, I like those. Never had tiramisu but it sounds nice enough so I’d give that a go too.”

“No way,” you said shaking your head, “I would order the tiramisu and you would order the chocolate and raspberry mousse and we’d share them both.”

Bucky snorted slightly, “Sure thing, whatever you want.”

You flicked through more of the pages, “Ooooh,” you said noticing the deals on the perfumes, “I love airplane and airport deals. I only ever buy my perfume from duty free, honestly. No point in buying it full price anywhere else.”

“I still find it crazy that there’s a shop on an airplane.”

You nodded, “I mean, it’s pretty weird but I’m not complaining about the deals. Some of the stuff you can buy is so bizarre though. I was on this flight once, going on holiday with my family when I was younger, and they were selling t-shirts with a picture of the airplane we were in on them saying ‘I rode in this plane and all I got was this lousy t-shirt’.”

“That sounds like it’s a total dad shirt,” Bucky laughed slightly. He looked a lot younger when he smiled. He was always so stony and serious but when he smiled or laughed, it knocked years off him. He was already a handsome man but when he smiled, he was just... wow.

You burst out laughing as he said it, “My dad did buy it and he wore it so proudly!”

Bucky laughed with you, finding his nerves easing up as he spoke to you. He hadn’t had a chance to talk to you about anything other than the fact you were soulmates so it felt rather nice to talk to you on another level. It was still prettty strange but it was nice. Steve always told him that you were easy to get along with so he wasn’t too surprised. As you continued to chat, you gasped audibly when you came to the ‘collectibles and merchandise’ page, “There it is!” 

“No way!” Bucky grinned as he looked down at the picture of the t-shirt exactly like the one you described, “Oh, god, it’s hideous.” The two of you lapsed into laughter again, talking and looking at it before Bucky happened to glance out of the window, “We’re in the air?”

You looked out, “Yeah, we took off about fifteen minutes ago actually.” Bucky breathed out an impressed laughter, “My distraction technique always works. Keep the mind occupied on something else like the ugliest t-shirts in the world.”

Bucky smiled, “Thank you and thanks to the ugliest t-shirt ever-” it was then that a man wearing the exact t-shirt you had been slating got up from the seat in front of you and shot you a dirty look as he walked past, “Oh, shit.” It was hard to keep your laughter in but somehow you both managed it.

As you calmed down, Bucky sighed, “No, really, thank you for that.”

You smiled as you handed him the magazines back and sunk back into your seat, “And now, I sleep.”

When you woke up a few hours later, you found yourself to be sitting alone with no Bucky Barnes in sight. You looked up to see a flight attendant coming down the aisle, “Excuse me,” you said with a smile, “do you know where the man sitting next to me went?”

She smiled, the same warm smile that every flight attendant has, “Yes, your husband is in the queue for the toilet, he should be back in a few minutes.”

You nodded, she went to leave when you caught her again, “Sorry, can you do me a favour?”

When Bucky came back, he was pleasantly surprised to see you sitting awake, smiling at him, “Good sleep?” You nodded,  “Don’t worry, you didn’t snore... too loud.” 

Your cheeks burned as he teased you, “Shove it, Barnes,” you scoffed, “I bought us a present.”

He frowned, “A present?”

You grinned as you held up two t-shirts, the exact same one that you both said was the ugliest shirt in the world, “No way!” He laughed, clapping his gloved hands together, “Oh my god, they’re worse in person.”

You laughed as you handed him his, “You’re so welcome. I will make us wear these at some point by the way, don’t think you’re getting out of it.” You’d never seen Bucky smile so wide with pure joy radiating from him. It was nice to see; it made you feel a lot better about the situation that was happening. You and Bucky hadn’t broached the subject of being the other’s soulmates, you actually really didn’t want to have that conversation anytime soon, but it was nice to know that at least you got on a little bit.

The fact that the pair of you were laughing so soon felt wrong. It felt like you were betraying Steve for merely getting along but it was nice. You were scared of what was going to happen and Bucky had been anxious about flying so the pair of you had nothing to do but talk to each other. Sure, it wasn’t a particularly interesting conversation but it was something. It was still a little awkward and a little weird at times but you could look past that for a few minutes to just appreciate the fact that Bucky was doing this.

Soon, you were curled back into your plane seat, your own jacket draped across you, “Thanks,” you said quietly as sleep began to take over,  “for doing this for Steve. I know that it’s not ideal and I know you probably don’t want to be stuck with me for weeks. I appreciate it, Bucky.”

Bucky nodded and didn’t say anything. I’m not doing it for only Steve, I’m doing it for you too. He watched you for a moment longer before closing his own eyes and resting into his own seat.

The rest of the flight went by in a blur, you slept some more, read your book and ate some food. It wasn’t long before it was time to land and Bucky could not have been more happy than in the moment the wheels of the plane landed on the runway. The airport was a relatively quiet which meant that security and getting your bags was a lot faster than anticipated.

Soon, you were waiting with Bucky in line to get a rental car. To your surprise, when it was your turn to speak to the receptionist, Bucky slid a wad of cash over the counter, “I want a car to keep and I want it off book.”

The receptionist, who was a middle aged man with salt and pepper hair, eyed Bucky with narrow eyes and Bucky stared right back at him. You glanced between the two men wondering who would give up the staring contest first. After a pregnant pause, the receptionist shrugged and dug around in the drawer next to him before pulling out a car key, “Grey sedan in Lot C, registration plate ends with RUS. It’s old and a little worse for wear but for this price, best I can do.” He glanced from left to right before sliding the keys across the table. Apparently he seemed to accept the bribe. You raised your eyebrows, looking between the man and Bucky.

Bucky thanked him with a nod before taking the keys and picked up his and one of your bags before walking away with you in tow, “Wait,” you said quietly, rushing to keep up with him, “You just bought a car?!”

Bucky nodded, “We needed a car. This one will do for a while, keeps us off of the radar for a while.”

Finding the car was easy, the hard part was trying to keep up with Bucky. He took long, quick strides that were hard to keep up with. The car was parked alone in Lot C. It was a little old, with some dents and scratches in the doors from previous bumps and accidents and some of the paint had chipped but aside from that, it seemed to be fine. Bucky loaded the bags in the trunk before getting into the driver’s seat. You settled into your seat and Bucky said that it would be a forty minute drive but could do it in half the time if the road’s were quiet. Then, you both set off.

You couldn’t stop staring out of the window, looking at every single detail of Estonia. It seemed like a dream that you’d be waking up from any second now. Your hands fidgeted with your jacket sleeves as you stared out to the vast unknown. What would become of you and your relationship, you had no idea. You didn’t know what was going to happen and you had absolutely no clue where you would be going. A wave of uneasiness crashed over you as you tried to swallow down the nausea. 

The drive seemed to simultaneously be the longest and shortest drive ever. Seconds felt like years and minutes felt like nanoseconds. You just wanted things to go back to how they were two months ago when things were easy and simple and life was without colour. You glanced over at Bucky, wishing that it had been anyone besides him that was your soulmate. Bucky was a decent enough guy from the short time you’d been with him, I mean, he was willing to take you to a safe house for god knows how long after meeting each other less than three times so obviously he was a good guy but... even if you and Bucky ended up friends, ended up falling in love... nothing could ever happen. You just couldn’t do that to Steve. 

Oh, Steve. 

You wondered what he would be doing just now. He would probably be in the gym with Sam, boxing his feelings and emotions about the whole situation out. That’s what he usually did when things were tense or when he was stressed, he would go to the gym and work out for hours. Sam would usually go with him, being his comic relief to make things less stressful for him. You had never been so thankful for Sam Wilson than in that moment of realisation. You had been so focused on what this meant for you and how this would affect you that you’d practically overlooked your boyfriend’s feelings.

Steve would be blaming your kidnapping on himself, even though it wasn’t his fault that Hydra were dickheads. He would be devastated that he’d had to send you off with your soulmate, knowing fine well that you could easily come back home in love with Bucky. It had been so hard for Steve to make that decision but it had to be done. He wished that he could’ve came with you but it was his mess to clean up and he couldn’t just let his friends do it. He wasn’t that selfish even though he wished he could have been. Steve would rely on Sam pretty heavily over the coming weeks. Sam had been such a good friend to Steve in the few years they’d known each other. Sam understood Steve, they shared the same values and same morals and that was something you liked about Sam. Sam wasn’t afraid to stand up and fight for what was right. You knew that Steve would be in good hands with Sam at his side.

Little did you know, Bucky was thinking of Steve Rogers too as he drove. It was surreal that he was driving with you, through Estonia, to a safe house where you’d be for weeks, potentially months. It scared Bucky, honestly. He liked you, not in a romantic way (yet), but he had heard all about you from Steve. All of those months that Bucky was in Wakanda, Steve called every week to check on him. Every week, Steve would talk about you. He remembered the things he would say about you. ‘She’s great, Buck. She’s got this smile, this really wide smile that I’ve only seen a handful of people have in my life. You know the one I mean. That genuinely happy, makes you smile when you see it smile.’, ‘You gotta meet her, Bucky. She’s everything I’ve been looking for and even though we’re not soulmates, we are.’, ‘It’s crazy. After Peggy, I never thought I’d fall in love again but (y/n) came into my life when I needed her most. Every day, I wake up thankful for her. My god, you have to meet her. You two will get on so well. She keeps my on my toes and is hilarious.’

Bucky glanced at you, a familiar pang of guilt shooting through him. You were his best friend’s girl and he could never do anything to pursue you because he cared about Steve too much. Steve was the one person who had given him a chance and had stuck by him through everything. Steve deserved you, Bucky didn’t.

It wasn’t long before Bucky pulled into a driveway. You looked around, realising that you were deep in the woods. It was an off road cabin that seemed to be pretty far from civilisation, “This is it.” Bucky cut the engine before getting out of the car. You stayed put, staring at the cabin in front of you. From the outside, it looked a little run down but very liveable. It was made with a dark oak wood which blended in well with the trees. Passers by would have to do a double take at first because of how well it blended in.

You got out of the car, grabbing the rucksack that had been by your feet. Bucky appeared beside you, carrying all of his and your bags, “Ready?”

You didn’t look at him, eyes stuck on the cabin in front of you. This was it. This was your future. You were unusually terrified as you stared at it. As soon as you stepped into that cabin, your future would change forever. Everything would change. Life as you knew it with Steve would completely change as soon as you walked into that cabin. With your heart beating fast, you took a breath and nodded, following him up the stony path and to the front door. He unlocked it and swung the door open before disappearing inside. You hesitated at the front door, staring at the line on the floor to mark the cabin’s entrance.

“I love you, Steve,” you whispered before stepping into the cabin and closing the door behind you.

The cabin had an old musty smell to it, the smell of emptiness. Clearly, no one had lived here for a long time. The décor was simple and pretty outdated but it was nice. Bucky had flicked the lights on throughout the cabin and was checking each room just to double check. You wandered through each room. The living room was simple with a couple of recliners and a small couch with a small TV on an old coffee table. You’d be surprised if the TV still worked with a thick layer of dust coating it. There was a large fireplace in the middle of the side wall which would be nice on a cold night. The kitchen was nice with everything that the pair of you would need to get started in the wooden cupboards and on shelves. It had a small table in the corner of the room, looking out of the window. Bucky told you that tomorrow, he would go get some shopping and food supplies until then you had the water and a few more snacks.

Next, you ventured into the bedrooms. Yours and Bucky’s separate bedrooms were adjacent to each other. Bucky had dropped his bags in the slightly smaller room. You went to object but the look on his face told you not to even bother. Bucky’s room was smaller yet still spacious enough for a double bed and a wardrobe. Your room was pretty much the same though as well as a wardrobe you had the chest of drawers as well. The shared bathroom was beside your room and it was... well, it was just an outdated bathroom. And that was it.

The cabin wasn’t particularly big or luxurious but it was much than you had expected. You seriously were expecting to sleep on the floor on a bug infested hotel but Bucky had done pretty good. You’d long since abandoned your disguise, feeling much better when looking like yourself. As you wandered around again, checking cupboards, finding extra duvets and pillows in the wardrobe in your room, you remembered something important. You dug around in your bags until you found it; a picture frame. Bucky knocked on your bedroom door. You turned to him, “You don’t need to knock,” you said.

“Come so I can show you something.”

You followed him into the living room as you held the picture frame in your hands. He stopped in front of a painting on the wall moving the painting to reveal a safe, “Oh, wow,” you said surprised.

“I got this safe installed and I’m putting this gun inside it, okay?” He told you, taking a gun from his back pocket. You jumped slightly, not expecting him to wield a weapon in front of you, “This is for emergencies, got it? I’ll teach you how to use it but for now, I’m locking it up in here, okay?”

“I don’t want to use a gun-”

“Neither do I,” Bucky said, cutting over you, “but I have to at least show you how to use it just in case, okay? The code is 0407-”

“Steve’s birthday.”

Bucky faltered before nodding and continuing, “Yeah, Steve’s birthday. Type that in,” he typed it in, “and it’ll unlock.” He dropped the gun inside of it before closing it over, “Re-type the code and it locks. Got it?”

You nodded.

“I always have at least one weapon on me at all times, okay? I have my gun and I have my knife. I’m only putting this here and showing you just in case, okay? We’ll probably never have to use it but it’s just in case something happens, just so I know that if I can’t get to you, you can have some way to protect yourself.”

Again, you nodded. Bucky eyed you carefully, making sure that you were okay with this. You didn’t really know how to feel about it. You weren’t surprised that he had weapons but it scared you the thought of you having to use them. Hopefully it would never come to that though. He could see the toll this was taking on you and you’d barely been gone a day. He was about to ask what you had in your hands when you wandered over to the fireplace and put the photo atop. It was a photo that you had once upon a time hated. It was you and Steve laughing as you posed for a picture in front of your Christmas tree. Nat had taken it on Christmas Eve. You wore a dress that hugged your curves a little too tightly for your liking but Steve had loved to see you in that dress. He always said the colour complimented your complexion so well and now that you could actually see colour, you could see where he was coming from. You loved that picture now, you remembered the night fondly where he twirled you around, telling you how beautiful you were every other minute. So yeah, you could see your protruding stomach and your bigger arms but you loved it. You smiled as you looked at Steve’s smile, heart soaring as you looked at him. Steve could make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. With him, you truly believed it. Your weight never defined your worth, you defined it.

Almost instantly, Bucky lunged for it, grabbing it and almost tumbling into you,  “What the fuck?!” You hissed, leaping backwards. You hadn’t expected the dark haired super soldier to lunge from across the room, almost knocking you off of your feet to grab the picture frame down.

Bucky released a sharp breath, “The window,” he said gruffly. He pulled the curtains shut quickly, “We can’t put any photos up.”

“Why the fuck not?!”

He rolled his eyes, Steve had warned him that you could be stubborn, “In case we’re being watched. If someone’s tailing us, they might look through the window and have our identities confirmed if we put photos up.”

You rolled your eyes, “If someone’s tailing us then I’m pretty sure that they know our identities already. Give me it back.”

“Fine but you’re not putting it there,” Bucky said.

You glared at him as a bubble of anger boiled in your stomach, “My god, how am I meant to stay here with you for weeks if you’re such an arse over a photo?!”

“Yeah?” Bucky scoffed, “I didn’t have to come here, (y/n). I came because Steve asked. I came for you.”

You were breathing heavy as you glared at each other, “Yeah well maybe I don’t want you here.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be here!”

“Keep the stupid picture.” You turned on your heel and stormed into your bedroom, slamming the door shut behind you. You knew that you weren’t angry at Bucky, you knew that the two of you were tired and hungry. You knew that you were a flurry of emotions from having your life flipped upside down. You knew that Bucky was looking out for your safety but you were pissed and he was the only person near you so he would have to deal with it. 

Bucky sighed heavily as he fell onto the couch, pursing his lips and pinching the bridge of his nose. Yeah, Steve, she’s fucking brilliant. 

It was hours later when you rolled over with a huff. Sleep wasn’t coming easily. You were still too pissed off and because you were still so pissed off, you were only getting more annoyed. You knew that if the anger faded, you’d probably end up crying and you didn’t know which was worse so you just stayed angry. You wished that Bucky would’ve just been able to talk to you normally instead of treating you like a child. You would’ve absolutely understood the picture fiasco had he not leapt over the table and yanked it like a dog stealing someone’s dinner from the table. 

You sat up in bed. Usually, if you couldn’t sleep you’d watch TV or go on your phone but you didn’t feel up for watching the tiny TV in the living room and you obviously didn’t have a phone so you couldn’t do much than think. You’d need to see if there was a cheap CD player and CDs in town so that you could at least have some background noise. The cabin was eerily quiet at night. It was a different surrounding in a different country and everything just felt a little uneasy. You were used to New York where the hustle and bustle was part of every day life but the woods was so quiet aside from the rustling trees... it would take some getting used to.

With a huff, you grabbed your dressing gown from the bag on the floor and made your way into the kitchen. You grabbed a glass and filled it with water before taking a long drink. You didn’t know why you wandered into the living room but you found yourself venturing in and it was then you noticed, in the dim light from the moon, you saw a note and the picture of you and Steve that sat on the coffee table in front of the TV. You picked up the note.

I’m sorry about freaking out over the picture, it’s been a long day. Steve warned me you were stubborn but I wasn’t prepared, I guess. Let’s not put it on the fire place until we’re absolutely sure that no one’s tracking us. Until then, it can go here where it’s not facing a window. Hope that’s okay. It is a lovely picture of you and Steve... Again, sorry. - Bucky

You smiled slightly as you read it before slipping the note into your dressing gown pocket and going back to bed. So Bucky Barnes was decent after all.

[mira--mira]

What's your opinion on the Ame Orphans? (Nagato, Yahiko & Konan)

Konan

See this sister post for a shorter but more positive take. I love Konan, but I cannot physically express how much rage I have for her place in the narrative. This will tie into Nagato and Yahiko as well but as I'm mostly focused on Konan I'll put it here in her section. Her backstory was ignored in favor of the boys'. She was pushed off to the side and god it makes me furious. Her powers were incredibly versatile and unique and she was knee-capped at every opportunity to show her true potential. I 100% believe she should have fought Jiraiya with Pain. (Also, their backstory and how fucking creepy he was to her when he acknowledged her at all? Disgusting.) Even after she died (which I hate izanagi very specifically bc of that fight. I love the Uchiha but for gods sake izanagi and izanami are some of the most distilled deus ex machinas that are just insufferable to watch) she was erased from the story. Did she get resurrected with the other Akatsuki? Did anyone mention her again after she died? Was she remembered? Given the same level of Important Legacy as Nagato or Yahiko? Of course not. I think it's easy to point to characters like Sakura to say "Kishimoto doesn't know how to write women" and that's true because we saw Sakura's character throughout the entire run of the series but characters like Konan are pure condensed versions of that to me. She couldn't be a love interest and she didn't fall on the angry/shy duality of Naruto women so, just like Tenten, she was forgotten. I don't usually like speculating about authors bc a single piece of media can't really encompass a whole person and their beliefs but god "I don't know how to write women" is the most sexist bullshit excuse I've ever heard in my life. That's why you read narratives about women written by women. That's why you ask the women you know. That's why you recognize you don't have the lived experience of being a woman and you do the bare minimum of research and so you can realize half the human population are in fact, guess what, human and they don't fall into limited one-note angry/shy/love interest categories.

Nagato

I have no problem with the character of Nagato, all of my issues come directly from the child of prophecy plot point. I despise this plot point. It adds nothing and actively detracts from Naruto's themes about taking control of your own destiny. I also have issues with how the Pain arc wrapped up. I don't mind in the end that Naruto talked Pain down, but I don't like how he did it. Acknowledging he still hated Pain for killing Jiraiya and destroying Konoha was good but...Naruto didn't address the root of Pain's philosophy which arose from the great nations using Ame, a smaller weaker nation, as their personal battleground. Naruto promises to do better but he doesn't explain how he'll do that, how if he becomes Hokage he'll negotiate or threaten the other great nations to leave the small nations alone. Instead, he just quoted Jiraiya’s book and suddenly that makes everything ok again. I would have taken anything more concrete than ‘I won’t give up bc this wouldn’t be my story if I did!’ It just feels like a non-answer in the end, relying too much on Jiraiya nostalgia to work. That Nagato accepted it (without fucking talking to Konan first I might add) irritated me. I wanted him to press back and force Naruto to give an actual answer because this was his people's futures and lives on the line. The last issue I have with Nagato is that he didn't get Konan's input on anything and didn't consider how it would affect her. She went through the exact same thing he and Yahiko did, but was even a second spared on how she felt? No. Nagato decided to go rogue, upset their decade-long plan and killed himself to help Naruto and did he once ask Konan what she thought or consider how his death would affect her? No. And then of course she bears no resentment against Naruto, of course not. And she’s willing to give up on the Akatsuki just like that because Nagato believed in Naruto and she will too despite not having the connection to Jiraiya’s book and logically no reason to flip so late without previous concern/hesitation established. She just will. God.

Yahiko

I don't have much to say about Yahiko, I liked him and his role in the story, I get some Hashirama & Madara vibes from what he, Nagato, and Konan were trying to do, and looking at it from that lens is pretty interesting. Hashirama and Madara wanted to build a village and put an end to the senseless war that killed children, but they were from two of the strongest shinobi clans. The Ame orphans came from nothing and their enemies were the great nations that used their home as a battleground and made them orphans.

[im-the-punk-who]

Hey because I'm not sure we've talked about her yet, but tell me about Madi? 💜

YES! I will talk about Madi. 

How I feel about this character

Ugh so, like all the female characters, I LOVE her personally, but I hate her ending, how her character is written, and how she differs from her historical counterpart. 

I really love Madi as a character. Especially as such a well rounded, beautifully acted, IMPORTANT character, she is so important. I was watching Black Sails with a black friend of mine, and he said that, even with the ending, even though it’s not good, he could forgive Black Sails because of the things he’s so often used to seeing that they didn’t do. Madi lives. LOVE for Madi is what makes the revolution fail(and yeah, it sucks that it’s against her agency, but the point he made was that you NEVER see LOVE for a BLACK WOMAN be the thing that stops the world.) Black Sails without Madi is a completely different story, and I love that she is an active part of the plot as well as important enough to other characters(not just Silver, Flint, her mother, the alliance, all rely on her at some point. Even Rogers recognizes her value.) That, as low a bar as it is, is an important one.

I love that she’s smart and hopeful and determined. I see her very much as a parallel to Thomas, even moreso than Flint, in that she believes in things with her whole being. She has that line from Don Quixote to Flint, but I think it’s as much a dig at herself as it is at Flint. 

“Too much sanity may be madness — and maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be.”

Flint has just told her exactly what could be accomplished if they are successful. He’s not dreaming, he sees the world in terms of if/then. But she sees the future beyond that. She sees the possibility and she’s drawing the parallel(unknowingly) between herself and Thomas and I LOVE it.

But she’s also SMART, she’s WHIP fucking SMART and she KNOWS how to lead her people and she is confident in herself. She is tough, there isn’t an ounce of self-doubt in her and the way that shows the LOVE she must have known growing up??? Just. I love Madi because I love how much she is loved. But also like, she is allowed to be naive in some ways, to be over confident and over trusting. She’s allowed to have flaws that I don’t think detracts from her value as a character, but are the natural progression when someone who, by her mother’s own admission, has been sheltered but still knows of injustice.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Pre-finale I LOVE her and Silver. I thought there was such potential there for her to become his rock, to show him that there were rewards, to be his Thomas, in a way, to love him surely enough that he could take the chance to crack himself open and start healing the hurt parts. And I think then he absolutely would have been ride or die - part of what I hate so much is the parallel between Thomas and James, and Madi and Silver, is that Thomas and James were able to have the time to build that and Madi and Silver weren’t. And the tragedy is that it ends in so much more heartbreak than just personal ones, because of who Madi is, what she represents, and when it happens.

Post finale I ship Madi with whoever and whatever makes her fucking goddamn happy and that probably isn’t John Silver at this point.

BUT my two crack ships are Eleanor/Madi bc i’m ALL about that girlhood bromance and the POWERSHARING dynamic between them??? Magnifique. and Madi/Joshua because Joshua is a fucking dumbass but also has a great heart and seems like a good guy and cares and makes connections and has dumbass false teeth and Madi deserves someone who will be loyal to her and understand her and make her smile.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

GIVE MADI HER GAY UNCLES JAMES MCGRAW AND THOMAS HAMILTON OR I WILL RIOT.

Like my absolute ABSOLUTE non romantic OTP to END all OTPs is Madi and Flint. Because I do think she and Thomas are so similar in so many ways, and honestly just because Flint and Madi get along???? so well?????? like when they do become friends, and they connect, you can tell like, Flint’s just like YES. ANOTHER DAUGHTER. GREAT. THIS IS MORE THAN FINE. and just penguin waddles his way over there and like???? and then Madi - who for all she has HAD Mr. Scott hasn’t really ...experienced the True Dad Energy like that? And she finds in him a partner too, someone who sees the possibility and the freedom that she has been searching for on her island and never finding. Her mother has that line 

“they are dangerous, their ideas are dangerous - especially to you.”

Madi didn’t become a revolutionary when the pirates found their island. I get the feeling this has been something she’s been arguing with her mother for a while, and now, with Flint, she’s FOUND that kindred spirit and I just???? love them???????? So much?????????

And especially post finale. Just....just give Madi her gay uncles, James who is like, so chill??? Now that he’s away from having to lead people and be responsible for people’s lives, and he’s FUNNY and she’s never actually seen him smile like that before?? And he plays with all the kids wherever he is and they NEVER mcfucking want him to leave. And Thomas who will talk to her from dusk until dawn about treaties and British Law and how to circumvent this clause or extort this particular weakness. 

And at first she’d been weary - after everything with John - of trusting another group of white men. But from the first moment it’s been clear that here, her word will be respected and her wishes upheld because she and Flint share that vision and so does Thomas, and the reports she gets back from the escaped slaves who have reached freedom through the encampment that now sits where Oglethorpe’s plantation once was. 

And while she is learning from her mother she is also learning from Julius, from Eme, from Flint, from Thomas. She learns, and learns, and when it’s finally ready for her to step into her mother’s shoes it is a seamless and peaceful thing, like one exhale flowing into the next inhale, it doesnt start or end with violence and wailing, but with laughter, and joy - bittersweet but there all the same - and okay this kind of got away from me give MADI NICE THINGS OR I WILL RIOT.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Huh I don’t....honestly know enough about the popularity of opinions on Madi to know what’s unpopular but I feel like ‘Silver doesn’t deserve her’ is at least a somewhat controversial take? I don’t know OH. Wait I know what my unpopular opinion will be:

She shouldn’t have existed because she exists solely to be a love interest to Silver where the real person she is based off of was an old matron Queen who is basically the Maroon Queen in BS just with Madi’s actual drive and she so badass we STILL use the guerilla tactics she developed to use against the British today but Steinberg was like ‘No, I think a black, 60 y/o Xena is boring, let’s make that part of the character basically non-existent and give her role to the 20 y/o daughter and also make her in need of saving from the white man. That’s hot.’

Cool. I will expect your assassins at dawn.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Eleanor/Madi WHEN

MADI/JOSHUA WHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also that her storyline hadn’t been shoved aside for the emotional angst of the white men, that we had seen more of her in the aftermath, that she had been given agency in her own future and in the future of her people that she clearly believed in. I just wanted good things for Madi and for her to be respected as a character.

To that end, what I wish WOULD happen is that she teams up with Thomas and James at the Savannah BnB to basically completely ignore the treaty with the British, funnel slaves off the islands, and, while they don’t restart the war, they still help to undermine slavery in the Bahamas and the Colonies and uhhh basically everything i said up under the non-romantic OTP. xD

Assuming the assassins don’t get to me, ASK ME ABOUT MY OPINIONS

[shidoukanae]

YGO! Questionnaire

Tagged by @cipher-wise​

Favorite series:

My favorite series based on what I watched and enjoyed would have to be Arc-V!!! It's honestly the series that got me to adore YGO when previously I'd seen YGO as, and I chilidishly quote, "uncool". Everything about Arc-V is pretty much wonderful: Yuya's presence as a "everyone MUST be happy" kind of character in a plot that discusses themes of war, revenge, and despair is absolutely refreshing (especially when Yuya's ideals of happiness are stripped from him and made a mockery of by, *coughs* one of my favorite characters in the franchise *coughs*). 

I love how the four Yuu boys are a wonderful combination of "protagonists" (/anatagonists) and how they each play off of each other's weaknesses and strengths, often acting as mirrors to each other in their individual dimensions while having amazing interactions (Yugo and Yuri, anyone? Yuri and Yuya?).

I admire how the endgame plot is a perversion of Yuya's ideals: he gets what he wants, showering happiness upon all, but that "happiness" is corrupted into the notion of entertainment. While Yuya seeks to provide people with smiles and laughter, to give them hope to work together through tough times and to stay strong in the face of adversity, his "counterparts" in the endgame are really good at acting as Yuya's mirror: showing that his style of performing can also be used to appease the bloodthirst of one's own self and that happiness can be corrupted into self-deserving power.

...Hard to put that into exact words without spoiling a lot of things but, gosh, let's just say that Yuri and ____ are the perfect mirrors to Yuya in terms of what his entertainment dueling style is meant to be.

The plot over all is pretty good! I won't lie and say it stands strong all the way throughout the story but the first half is amazing and there are some pretty strong episodes in the second half (Yugo and Rin, the parasite episodes in general, Yuri Yuri YURI). I can definitely say that the humor is there, the characters are amazing (if nothing else, watch for the Yuu Boys, the Bracelet Gals, and Shun versus Sora!!) and having come into the show around episode 104, I was pleasantly surprised by the trip Arc-V brought me and how it played with its protagonist, giving him hope, kicking him down, and toying with his mind - just like the way a warzone might to any idealistic individual.

In terms of other series, I like VRAINS but only up to like episode 19 (or the end of the Data Bank arc). It had potential and I kept hoping it would get better but the plot was constantly floundering, there are plot holes abundant (sewer monsters, ugh), character development is inconsistent not to mention very shallow, VRAINS has some of the best side characters but they're kicked to the curb by a bland protagonist and a villain that could've been so much cooler but they made him a sympathetic mess.

...I have a lot of gripes with VRAINS but, if it were to ever be rewritten with clear goalposts and plot twists in mind (not to mention development on ideas like Charisma Duelists because at the end of the show I still have not a fucking clue what a Charisma Duelists is or was) I would say it has potential to become my favorite series but Arc-V clearly beats it for me in every category lmao.

Zexal’s also really good too!!! I don’t get all the hate behind it because it’s actually really interesting and engaging (also IV’s definition of fanservice is literally the only type of fanservice I will ever accept) and I think I’ve even cried a couple of times during the course of the plot which is like,,, shocking considering it’s not a show I thought I’d cry over (I cried in Arc-V too but goddamn does tiny Yuya just want to make you tear up lmao). This show is really good emotionally and it’s literally so stupid how Kaito carries a lot of the early and middle game of the show yet most of the meat of the plot doesn’t begin to unravel until the second season.

Also, if you ever want to watch a show of 100+ episodes that is so masterfully written that there is foreshadowing for stuff in like episode 130+ on EPISODE ONE, please watch this. Literally there are so many hints of what is going to happen in the future in the early episodes and you won’t really be able to tell what those hints are until you’ve finished the show but goddamn when you go back and rewatch things it does indeed feel amazing how much foreshadowing they threaded into the show without you ever knowing...(please don’t search for spoilers if you intend to watch this. I went into the show knowing some spoilers tho not all and, while I was still pleased by what I watched, I honestly can agree the show is A Lot Better without knowing ANYTHING)

Favorite Protagonist: Yuya. For sure, out of all the series, Yuya. 

He’s a refreshing protagonist, especially considering he shines in a world of war and despair. He’s also someone who you empathize with right at the start and want to hope in, especially since he is the “happiness” in a word of “madness” and “sorrow”. He’s not someone out to save the world (not really, anyways), but his actions touch on the lives of others anyways, giving people in a hope in a world that is otherwise cruel and heartless. Also, it really helps that he’s able to pull you into his world of “egaos”, making you believe in him and root for him despite how cheesy his ideals may or may not sound.

Also love how, despite being the centerpiece of “happiness”, Yuya isn’t allowed to always be happy :> Not spoiling plot related things but if you like protagonists going off the rails insane at times, Yuya’s definitely a fun protagonist for that!!!

Favorite Rival:

Kaito Tenjou!!! Literally the best rival in the series that I’ve seen. Everything about him is literally perfect ngl. From the way he’s chillingly introduced, with the spine-tingling whistles and cruel, almost merciless nature, to the way he slowly becomes sympathetic while also remaining a terrifying presence whenever he appears...I love him????

Favorite BFF:

Does Shoichi count? Because like...he’s Yusaku’s closest friend and ally in the series and I generally don’t pay attention to the other BFF’s in the other series (or at least, the ones I can recall bc I know in Zexal that Yuma has a whole group of friends lmao).

But I like Shoichi!! He cares about Yusaku a lot, is pretty damn cool as a sidekick hacker, his sideplot with his brother was actually honestly endearing and I loved the mystery about him. His early-game jokes w/ Ai to tease Yusaku were also a good laugh.

Favorite GFF: 

Not a girl friend forever for the main protagonist (although she like...lowkey confessed to him...though that plot really never went anywhere so I still don’t know what the fuck THAT was about) but,,, Ema Bessho,,

If y’all knew me back in my peak YGO days when VRAINS was airing,,, this gal was and STILL is my favorite girl of the YGO series. Even though she was pretty much done dirty imo I still love her (even despite considering she’s been made a damsel-in-distress at least three times, she’s only ever won one duel on-screen despite being supposedly good at dueling, ngl they could’ve done so much more with her but tbh she’s mostly just an asset to solve problems at whim and barely gets character development/does nothing but watch and spectate stuff late-game).

Even though she’s like...the unfortunate side character who’s probably meant to be more fanservice than interesting, in the first 19 episodes (and even the Revolver vs. her fight as well as the one time she meets Aoi IRL early-game) made her out to be a lot cooler and complex than she ended up being. I mean,,, a hacker gal who’s self-serving, cynical, and cold-hearted taking on the tasks of her (potentially ex) boyfriend while being really nice to his sister to the point she baffles even herself,,, we could’ve had a really unique and cool character to play around with here but instead we got...cool-ass character with potential to be something more reduced to a spectator with nothing better to do than idolize the main protagonist and have a plot with her brother that honestly detracted from her character more than it added to it imo.

Also Ema could’ve been a female Yuri but,,, nope,,, they decided she was better as a background piece instead TwT

Favorite Villain: Yuri.

Literally Yuri.

I could choose the leather jacket w/ fluff boi in a certain series because hot damn was that guy convincing AF that he wasn’t an evil psychopath (and even while knowing that he was, I still got fooled into thinking he was a good guy somehow omg) however,,, I’ve always held a love for Yuri and the way he’s been portrayed.

Despite ALWAYS being the bad guy, the show has always made this purple fucker into the most entertaining character on-screen. He even beats Yuya sometimes in terms of how entertaining he is - that’s literally how good he is,,

Also his facial expressions are amazing, he’s a VERY VALID threat to the main cast (and his creeper levels are not only off the charts but literally called out by the main female protagonist herself lmao), and he acts as the perfect foil to Yuya, battling not to entertain others but to entertain himself.

Also, he likes killing people.

No this is not a joke.

He literally likes killing people. And is pretty sadistic about it, too.

(^^^^ for those who don’t get the joke, “Fusion” is pronounced “Yuugo” which sounds similar to “Yugo” which is what,,, Yuri is making fun of,,, more context is needed of course but this is a Great Running Gag)

Favorite card:

I don’t know if it actually exists as an actual card but...that crystal dragon from the YGO movie with the glass pyramid. Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon...it’s really pretty...I love it...

Favorite Episode:

I’m...too lazy to search for names of these episodes but I can give brief summaries of them,,, because I can’t choose,,,

Arc-V: Shun vs. Sora (ALL episodes). Hot damn if you have never watched YGO but want to try and see for yourself why people like it: WATCH THESE EPISODES. I can’t explain how amazing these episodes are and, while I admit jumping straight into them might have you missing out on some important context (such as who Shun is or why Sora’s battle tactics lead to revelation) it’s honestly an amazing fight regardless. The battle starts off plain enough - there’s obvious tension, it seems like a typical fight of a battle royale, etc. - my god does the battle ramp up in emotional tension and promptly kick you in the gut with not only how blindsided you’ve been, but it also showcases just how cruel these “entertainment duels” can really get.

Any episode with Yuri. Literally any episode he’s in. 

I think this is like...episode 8 of VRAINS...but whenever it is that Akira hires Ema to find the reason why Aoi just...straight up got knocked into a coma. Literally this is my favorite episode when it comes to Ema. The way she makes fun of Akira even while aware of his situation,,, her cruel selfishness and desire for money bubbling to the surface, the way she confesses how she can’t be trusted willingly and still asks Akira why he’s hiring her,,, god I love this episode in terms of what Ema could’ve always been.

Episode 13 (/14?) of Zexal!!! This is the episode Kaito appears and when the show REALLY picks up. Kaito is a fun bastard of a rival and tbh I don’t think I’ll ever stop getting chills of him walking in, debris frozen in time all around him, as he approaches his victim, whistling an eerie children’s tune as he gets ready to close in for the kill,,,,

Favorite Deck to Use:

I don’t...really play the game itself but...I have used a couple of decks and I guess you can say I really love Raid Raptors??? First of all, those warbirds make really fun sounds I love ‘em in the anime but they’re also just fun to use in general (even tho I used a,,, very basic deck for them,,, I love them still).

Fusion, Ritual, Synchro, XYZ, Pendulum or Link:

XYZ bc it’s really the only summoning method I’m used to lol :P. Also XYZ loyalist I guess???? 

Years in fandom: roughly five to six years iirc? I mean, I was a fan of the early day YGO and watched it as a kid but not active enough to be in the fandom for it lmao. Also not in the fandom atm because Sevens lost my attention (it’s a good show!!! I’m just unfortunately more a fan of things with serious plots and darker themes and it’s hard for me to stomach slice-of-life shows that don’t focus on a mature and engaging plot). However, Arc-V and Zexal holds a special place in my heart (as does VRAINS, begrudgingly) and so I occasionally find myself wandering back to these shows like right now,,, 

[theajaheira]

OKAY. issue 14! bet you’ve all really missed these posts, huh?

so as i mentioned earlier today: when i first saw that bitty preview, my heart went “it would be so funny/ridiculous/wonderful/tragic if jenny was staring into the camera contemplating how fucking much she really wished she hadn’t just hooked up with her kinda emotionally unavailable boyfriend,” and i reluctantly discarded that possibility as relatively unlikely (which i REALLY REALLY REALLY need to learn to NOT DO at this point given that boom studios has spent an entire year just going out of its way to exceed my expectations!!! ridiculous!!!) and moved on with my life.

And Then.

(a brief reprieve from my meta to SCREAM about giles and jenny and their HOOKUP. a THING THAT HAPPENED. she is IN HIS BED. the only canon i respect is reboot canon that’s IT.)

this conversation’s been a long time coming. jenny planted the seeds for it in issue 6:

and was subsequently (and gently) shut down by giles in a way that -- at the time, and without seeing his decision in the museum when the chips were down -- did seem like genuine growth and understanding on his part.

when we circle back to giles’s watcher-related hang-ups, it’s framed this time as something that has the potential to hurt jenny -- something that he will always place above her, in a way that initially made me assume that canon was building towards jenny demanding a relationship where she’s prioritized unequivocally first.

but jenny’s real concerns get brought up again in issue 14.

giles brings up the concept of “healing together,” framing the entire thing as just a communication snafu that they can work together to resolve -- and emphasizing that his priority here is rebuilding his relationship with jenny. his decision to let joyce die at the museum is described by him as “an unfair test that you had to endure,” and he very clearly sees the entire thing as water under the bridge now that they’re both safe, alive, and in their right mind.

jenny is very clearly not in that place.

and now it is time for me to SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, because THIS. THIS is the kind of jenny-and-giles content that i didn’t even know i wanted!!! they’re very clearly in love in a big, messy way that neither of them are trying to deny or work around; they’ve been an important part of each other’s lives for long enough that they feel comfortable calling each other out (whether it’s giles in issue 9 emphasizing that he’s “always been there” for jenny despite her tendency to shut him out, or it’s jenny in . uh. literally every single second she’s in a scene with giles, to be honest), and this is a genuine opportunity for growth on giles’s part that canon NEVER, EVER afforded him.

here’s where i stop waving my “jenny and giles have been married forever in boom reboot canon” flag for a little while, though, because i think that that actually detracts from the utter amazingness of jenny’s characterization here. when thinking of jenny’s determination to make knowledge accessible to all, coupled with the fact that any comments she made about buffy in canon reflected buffy’s age (i.e. buffy is a BABY), it’s pretty obvious that she would so not be okay with the deal buffy’s been handed. ESPECIALLY when juxtaposed with jenny’s own relationship to duty and destiny -- and the fact that she was herself forced into a situation she didn’t choose and cannot turn away from. obviously original canon never actually explored jenny’s motivations, personal philosophy, and internal thought process (because original canon kinda just threw random plot points at jenny so that giles would have a hot girlfriend, which is gross), but jordie is doing a PHENOMENAL job of that here. it doesn’t MATTER how long jenny and giles have been dating in this situation: jenny is not here for your watchers’ council patriarchal bullshit, and she is ESPECIALLY not here for the fact that buffy and kendra are on death row while giles gets to opt out.

and before we dissect what quickly becomes an INCREDIBLE AND EXTREMELY CHARGED CONVERSATION, here’s an important thing that @ifeveristoday​ brought to my attention: the fact that jenny’s calling him “giles” and not rupert.

way back in og canon, names were a HUGELY important part of both giles and jenny’s character arcs and their relationship to each other. they both had fragmented, fractured identities (jenny and janna, rupert and ripper, i’ve talked about this literally so often let’s move on), and the way they addressed each other very often said a lot about where they were. jenny almost always called giles rupert in canon, very clearly as an attempt to bridge the gap between them; the only times she calls him giles or mr. giles are in “when she was bad” (when she’s clearly trying to keep herself balanced in the face of new and fluttery feelings) and in prophecy girl (yeah, that one’s just inconsistent writing. that’s how jenny’s character flows.)

keeping that in mind, i always was a little bit thrown by the fact that jenny’s called giles by his surname so often in this canon -- but now that we’ve got a pretty solid arc going when it comes to their relationship, there’s a pretty established pattern in the writing.

outside of this issue, here are the places where jenny’s called him giles:

and in each of these other instances, you wanna guess what she’s doing? shutting him out. it’s a little gentler in issue 6 (and she’s more easily swayed), but in all of these situations, she is very clearly distancing herself from him. jenny’s got a habit of trying to pull back and away when the going gets tough, specifically because she knows giles well enough to know that she’s not gonna get through to him on watcher-related matters.

back to THIS.

FELLAS. OH MY FUCKING GOD. i don’t even know where to START here, so let’s go with the easiest one: issue nine set me the FUCK up!!!! jenny pulling away from giles, jenny expressing deep hurt and sadness when it becomes clear that he prioritizes buffy over all else...i automatically assumed that this is her realizing that her boyfriend would have let her die and being horrified about THAT. but the reality of this -- the reality revealed by this issue -- is SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER: the horror that we see on jenny’s face is because the man she loves has been warped by a corrupt system to the point where he doesn’t understand the kind of hurt he’s perpetuating.

and then !!!! jenny absolutely refusing to accept giles’s answer of “this is so much harder for me than you can ever understand,” because he is a grown man with the ability to opt out and she is advocating for two teenage girls who do not have that same luxury. he keeps on trying to turn the argument into something about how buffy’s life isn’t THAT bad, about how buffy’s not REALLY on her deathbed, about how buffy is strong and incredible and jenny is doing her a disservice -- but jenny repeatedly shuts that shit down. “it’s like a religion for you,” she says, like that’s not the rawest fucking line she’s ever gotten to say. thank you, jordie bellaire, for my goddamn life.

and then jenny LEAVES. and she does not fall back into giles’s arms when he says that togetherness is such an important component of healing after the hellmouth. and that says a whole damn lot about what both of them want: jenny wants giles to take accountability for the shitty things HE did and continues to do, and giles...loves jenny and wants her in his life to the point where he’s not listening to a single thing she’s trying to say.

let’s bring back my favorite panel from issue 9:

this sums up my point pretty well, i think. giles keeps on thinking that jenny doesn’t hear what he’s saying -- that if he says it a different way, stresses a different point, she’ll cave and understand how much he loves her and wants to be with her. but the thing is, he’s the one who isn’t listening: jenny is repeatedly saying that she loves him, and that that’s why she’s holding him to the standard that she does. she knows that he can be better than he is, and she’s disappointed in the man he’s becoming.

at this point, i’m pretty sure there’s more to come with regards to giles and jenny. this is a narrative that has very clearly tossed the concept of “world’s best watcherly dad” in favor of “the watchers’ council fucks up the lives of teenage girls and giles is complicit in that.” jenny leaving giles has the potential to push him towards positive growth and character development -- or he could continue to firmly and stubbornly ignore the reality of his situation.

personally, i’m DEEPLY hoping that it’s the former -- and that we get to see giles and jenny come together again after they’ve had the opportunity to grow outside of their relationship. i think there could be something really powerful and wonderful about seeing giles deconstruct his shitty watcher-related views & work towards becoming someone who can genuinely help buffy and kendra (AND smooch his ms. calendar silly, bc she’s sure been having a time of it as of late.) and can you imagine how great 2020 would be with a giles and jenny who have actually learned how to effectively communicate???? ASTOUNDING.

tl;dr: rupert giles and jenny calendar are VERY much in love with each other, VERY sick of each other’s bullshit, and VERY stupid. let’s hope they get their house in order.

[keycrash]

so i just finished the zero escape trilogy blind and i absolutely loved iiit tho i am seriously annoyed at the lack of epilogue for d team and the fact that kyle's importance was totally dropped (i get that the another time pov was supposed to be the player an dpossibly the 'god' of free the soul/delta that akane had revealed to her but that doesnt explain kyle's absence)

i’m glad you liked it!! i’m surprised you managed to stay unspoiled if you followed me beforehand lmao. but yeah those two critiques were really common following the game’s release-- as for the kyle thing, i will add that part of uchikoshi’s explanation for that was that the “another time” part of vlr was added fairly last minute (it wasn’t even voiced in japanese) as a means of creating a more ‘hopeful’ ending in the wake of the tsunami that hit japan, iirc. it was never made clear to english fans until after the fact, but it was meant as meta-commentary rather than actual events taking place in the game, apparently. a lot of us were still disappointed, but. yknow.

rest of the messages:

carrying on my previous message im not disappointed a lot was lef tot figur eout e.g. that delta was probably lying about the nuclear war (unless he caused it himself) in line with the 'fanatic bio r = fabrication' thing, and the fact the 'final choice' is solely up to the player i.e. Delta's god, and that the 'way for clover and alice to return from the another time ending in vlr' is implied to be the transporters Akane recovered in the VLR timeline

yeah i actually did really like the fanatic bio r/fabrication thing being ambiguous in isolation, i just felt a little weird about it in the context of delta’s motives; it seemed like the game was intentionally as confusing as possible about his motives in order to make them appear complex instead of actually building them logically

wrt the last thing, this made me come up with a theory that i think is sound but is like HOLY SHIT, i.e. alice and clover get sent via transporter thousands of years into the past and then Alice becomes the original priestess of amen-ra who via ~shenanigans~(involving antarctic ice?) then becomes all-ice and either via clover (transported) or delta/phi shes saved in the 20th century and eventually leaves the mandrake root for hongou to manufacture soporil-b and make all three ZE games possible

i had this theory too before ztd came out!! that alice was gonna get sent back and become all-ice. since it was never touched on in ztd i just kind of dropped it but it’s still fun to think about

last note, i am soo conflicted on akanes portrayal in ztd, on the one hand it is sort of a nice synthesis of her pragmatic self and her bubbly self, on the other hand i feel like it severely undercut how awe inspiring she became in both the 999 and vlr endings that felt like she was a being that existed supeceding timelines and was on par with delta/brother (phi shouldve also had a similarly pivotal role in ztd too tbh)

oh trust me i hate how akane was portrayed in ztd; i think showing a bit of her everyday personality & banter with others would be a great idea, but when i imagine that kind of akane i imagine more like the akane of end or beginning-- she’s practical, pragmatic, a bit morbid, teasing. not the hyper-emotional impulsive reactions that ztd akane had. taking away any sense of power or control from her without even justifying it made her jarringly different from her past two iterations. it didn’t even seem like she had a plan going in to save the world!! and yeah, phi was totally dropped in ztd; she was in character for the most part, but narratively her arc led nowhere, she was painfully absent in the latter half of the game, and the developments we got concerning her had more to do with the material state of her existence/past rather than any emotional trust or opening up by her.

uhhh overall on ztd its weird because with both 999 and vlr i found them kiind of tedious and full of stuff i hated for a large part of the game, and then as they got to the end with the last few hours everything came together so perfectly it blew my mind. zts lacked that completely, but it was also more enjoyable the entire way through, so maybe i cant say i enjoyed it less than the others

for this one it’s more personal taste (i found 999 very fun to play through, though i DEFINITELY agree it gets tedious if you’re playing the original and can’t skip puzzles you’ve already done, but vlr is very much tedious either way); i will agree though that ztd is actually fun to play all the way through with the fragment system, even if the fragment system both adds to and detracts from the story A Lot in different ways

vlr is prooobably the best game i think, which makes sense bc my four favourite characters are akane (no.1, incredible metafictional mastermind ascends to ultimate self), sigma ('congratulations. you played yourself' on loop for 45 years), diana (principled will of steel, "do no harm" even if it creates the apocalypse), and phi (i need so much more phi content), 2 of which are from VLR jfieofuefji. yes D team is my fave

you’re valid, i loooove the vlr characters & story even if the actual experience of playing it knocks it down a few points below 999 for me-- d team is a beautiful little mess and they deserved better treatment in ztd kasmdflaksjdf

[whitmore]

Was reading the wiki for the arcs from Justice League of America (2014). In the mix of all the other crazy stuff in this storyline, they talk about a specific incident court has flashbacks about: “she nearly died once before, on that grave day”. Can you give a complete/fuller summary of what exactly this event is. And would you wanna see a version of that event adapted into the show eventually? Obviously **** isn’t gonna die, but could possibly be v interesting to explore.

HI HELLO THIS IS FROM MATT KINDT’S COURTNEY SO YES OF COURSE I WOULD LOVE TO 

for preface new-52 is an entirely re-written court & tbh i kind of. think of her as Alternate Courtney bc her storyline isn’t ENTIRELY court if u know what i mean? i still love her but . yeah anyways. spoilers for new-52 courtney ahead

so in new-52, court’s origin is rewritten & as u speak of “she nearly died once before, on that grave day” which is also referred to as “her first encounter with evil” which is like. her first big villain! (wiki says that it’s shadow thief, which i did NOT remember lmao? i did NOT remember them mentioning a villain by name but like given bc they also didn’t say mike’s name either. idk how true the shadow thief thing is but i’ll go w it) but yeah she faces off against shadow thief who took hostages & it was a trap but she WINS !! go stargirl 

but she gets home & the house is ransacked. shadow thief had beaten her mom & pat, and killed mike. she didn’t like mike much, but she was still his big step-sister, and she felt she had failed him. she’s fully ready to give up being stargirl, but pat & barbara don’t want her to. so she vows to be better, to become a better stargirl, for mike.

“she nearly died once before” is a statement i interpret in both a physical and emotional sense, especially given the focus on her youth, hope, & optimism in that run. she nearly died bc she could have been killed by shadow thief, sure. but she also nearly died because she hated herself for mike’s death, because stargirl as a concept would have died right there, because courtney whitmore would have lost the youth & hope & optimism that later saved the entire justice league. 

it’s a strange arc that (for me) is the exception, not the rule; i don’t usually like the implication of heavy trauma for courtney, because her entire story & character is based around her becoming a hero WITHOUT trauma. she’s self-made in more than the general sense; she becomes a hero solely because she wants to, not because some trauma or awful origin story motivates her. the spin that kindt had is the exception because it’s 1. not ENTIRELY her origin story in terms of “how she became a hero” it’s just “how she got to this point” & 2. it DEEPLY motivates the rest of her story and the whole arc in general, and actually produces hope instead of just being there for Funsies. her origin isn’t mike dies THEN she becomes stargirl. and the entire arc is centered around courtney OVERCOMING; not to mention that the arc necessitates courtney’s youth as the key to freeing the league, and it hits home even harder when we know she’s fought to keep that youth (& hope & optimism) instead of her youth solely being founded on naivete & lack of experience.

i honestly don’t think i want to see it in the show. the tone that the show has set up would DEEPLY clash w that arc, plus the shows arc doesn’t necessitate courtney’s overcoming or her youth in order to push the character development & plot forward. matt kindt’s courtney & the forever evil arc was the exception, not the rule; it was REALLY well written, & tight in a storyline, it knew that it NEEDED courtney’s trauma for the storyline to be character-developing & moving & well-written, so that’s the storyline that kindt wrote. forever evil was pretty dark as it was, and the tone of the arc fit with that flashback story that they were trying to tell; i don’t think any arc like that could fit smoothly with the show & not heavily detract from the theme.

as much as i love kindt & his courtney & how much respect he has for her (and i’d LOVE to see him write a stargirl solo comic run!) i don’t think it’s an arc i’d want in the show because it’s very self-contained in terms of both concept & characters (half of the reason i liked the arc was the court & j’onn friendship) and implementing it in the show would just mean Giving Courtney Trauma which isn’t a valid reason for just writing that kind of arc. (we could. make the argument we’ve already seen it with joey & his death; the parallels are certainly there. and honestly that’s as far as i would take that kind of arc in the show) but yeah. yeah

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunter x hunter thotz so far

soooo ruth and i started watching hunter x hunter woohoo finally! we’re like 10 or so eps in so i decided to collect some thots below on what i think so far (i havent rlly been spoiled so im interested to look back on this once ive watched more)

first off i love gon sm, hes immediately so endearing...hes just a baby!!!! just a little baby boy!!!! hes just so cute and good, im so not ready for him to get put thru the wringer later on as ive vaguely heard happens

the first few episodes were really fast paced which i enjoyed and thought was for the best. the characters came thru really strongly and i feel like we heard juuuust enough about the setting, premise, and what a hunter is 

i wasnt expecting leorio and kurapika to show up in the FIRST EP lmao that surprised me. i love so much how the three of them like IMMEDIATELY became a family unit in like 3 eps lmaoooo it was like ok here are 2 parents and their son bam. also leorio and kurapika having a showdown on the boat (which didnt end up happening) was a wild ride 

i have like zero fucking idea what a hunter is and the more they attempt to explain the more confused i get. its honestly kind of hilarious how little sense it makes. to be clear this doesnt detract from my enjoyment of the show at all (if anything it adds to it)

oh my god fuckgin hisoka is the worst he hasnt done much but i hate him so much already. good villain writing/design so far, hes so hateable

ruth every time hisoka shows up: WE HATE UR PUSSY BIIIITCH 

the character design in this show is....a lot lmao. ruth and i decided its a cross between soul eater, jojo, and one piece in terms of aesthetic. the designs are certainly unique and so many of them are just so ugly hvbjafdbdskgs it reminds me of that post thats like ‘masterpost of jojo characters who look busted as shit’ lmao

i already love this show a lot tbh like the way its structured so far has been kinda atypical for a shounen, at least in terms of fights - we really havent seen a lot of fighting yet. also nen hasnt shown up yet and its reminding me of stands not becoming a thing in jojo until p3 lmao 

anyways in litrally ep1 i already loved the 3 main characters we saw...leorio is a wild dude, i love him sm, especially as a fellow medical binch who wants MONEY. like, thats literally me. and kurapika is also wild, like damn they rlly just dropped their backstory in ep 1 huh. like we rlly are jumping right into this 

also when leorio said he was a teenager i was like WHAT???? just like evryone else which YEA omfg. i cant believe hes that young lmao. kurapika too

so leorio is one of those 19 yr olds who looks 40 and kurapika is the type of teen who looks like a 12 yr old

and KILLUA i love him sm also....hes an adorable assassin catboy and hes perfect. i love how quickly he and gon hit it off (tiny bfs.....) and how hes just like, this extra as hell 12 yr old with a SKATEBOARD and ASSASSIN SKILLS and then he sees gon and is like guess im gonna fall in love 

i gotta talk abt gon again i just love him. hes so polite and cute and kind and good, i just love him...wht a good protag. his motivation is just wild too, hes like well my dad abandoned me to go off and be a hunter (which he isnt even mad abt, what a nice lad) so im gonna do that to see what the deal is

i love how gon (just like the audience) doesnt really know what a hunter does/is and just goes into the exam totally blind lmao. also the fact that his skills seem to include jumping good, being speedy, having the energy typical of a 12 yr old, being a weather sniffer, being nice, and having good instincts/constitution as a result of having eaten random grass and forest shit growing up...amazing. 

is this gonna turn out to be one of those things where its like, wow theyve been using nen this whole time without realizing! tht would honestly explain a lot lmao 

i really enjoy how like....semi-normal the power levels are rn? while also being all over the place and wack as fucks obvs (like hisoka dissolving that guys arms in his first appearance was A Lot, as well as all the card stuff hes done..). like the part wher that blue guys (evil franky one piece) punches the ground and it leaves a crater and everyones like !!!! wow wtf thats unnatural! that literally threw me off bc that kinda thing is so normal in anime lmaoooo. but i like that thats the starting point bc it leaves a lot of room for power escalation w/out it getting too out of hand 

specifially our protags are starting out pretty low on the Shounen Badass scale - especially gon (and leorio, tho i kinda predict he wont be as fight-y? what with him being premed)

i find it kinda hilarious how killua hasnt done too much (aside from murdering those 2 randos in like half a second) despite being so clearly skilled...like when they have to do the 5v5 fight thing in the tower, i wouldve thought hed be the first up cause hes so badass but nope

actually thats what i find interesting - i was expecting all 5 (or maybe 4, we’re in the middle of leorio’s ‘fight’) of the fights to be physical smackdowns but so far nope, theyve been very cerebral. that bodes well, w/how smart the fights have been, bc i doubt the fights will get stale tht way 

tho they might be kinda frustrating sometimes - there are times when u DO just wanna see a good ole fashioned shounen beatdown yknow. but we do get enough of that now (and im sure we’ll get plenty more) to satisfy (like kurapika decking fake-franky) 

oh also the opening. its so charming and cute and i love the song...its also so hilariously basic and classic - like one of those typical 2000s anime openings where theres stock run cycles of all the main characters and theres a little animation of all the characters fighting together (and that fight doesnt actually happen, its just for the op) 

also love that leorios the only one who doesnt fight in the OP, instead getting saved from death by gon lmao. im curious if he’ll end up fighting at all (i assume a little?) and if he’ll use nen (probably healing type nen?) 

also i already wanna fistfight ging for abandoning his perfect angel son. also leorio is literally gons dad already, they even look alike wow 

that guy hanzo has done basically 0 things so far but i rlly like him already, im curious if thatll change. also sorry for calling u ‘hanzo overwatch!?!?!?!’ upon first viewing my guy 

tonpa is str8 up so annoying pls leave u pathetic loser 

tho it cracked me up when he and Evil Mr Clean were facing off and starting getting all detailed/shaded and i was like o shit is he actually badass. are we abt to see like a nen battle or st. but no....lmaooo

i found it interesting that leorio didnt really admit to wanting to be a dr at first...hes such a good dude, he kinda just let kurapika think that his motives were superficial and greedy when in actuality theyre selfless

also wanting to be rich can be a rlly interesting character motivation and i love when its done right

oh my god i cant believe it took me this long to mention the hilariously edge ED....like holy shit, its so 2000s, the song sounds like its been re-recorded like 40000 times bc of how bad the audio quality is, or something, idk how to describe music but its hilariously specific in tone and its rlly funny to see shots of the main characters smiling while this screamo whatever plays in the bg....wow. 

also s/o to killua for being king of edgy with that ‘tear of blood’ shot

i rlly like how much of the plot, especially the early hunter exam stuff, is moved along simply by gon being a good kind polite boy. 

love the fact that he and leorio and kurapika (and later killua) all team up without even saying anything...i love that, most shounen would have them be like ‘che, i cant team up with anyone, i have to prove myself ALONE or my victory wont be EARNED’ or w/e idk. who knows that might happen later but rn i love how they all effortlessly work together (and how they all contribute - without each other they would have all failed at different points) 

oh man also killuas first appearence was so funny when he drank a bunch of tonpas poisoned drinks and was like [smirks] tch, loser, im immune to poison. get dunked on. [skateboard away] i love him so fuckgin much 

omfg that part where killua looks all shoujo/kawaii and is talking abt how hes gonna kill his family or w/e and gon is just like ^_^? i love they

HOOOOLY FUCK I ALMOST FORGOT, BUT 65% OF THE REASON I MADE THIS POST WAS TO MENTION HISOKAS THEME LMAOOOOO his music being like fuckgin, spanish guitar/traditional mexican type music is sooooo goddamn funny to me for some reason, like the first time it played i was like ok whats going ON with this spanish guitar lmao but then i figured out that its his theme and god thats so funny 

hisoka is also so fuckign jojo like he could so easily be in jojo. he and dio would be the fakest best friends ever and would constantly try to kill each other on the lowdown and shittalk each other constantly in private but be super sweet to each others faces. also they would hatefuck. no im not taking criticism bye 

i rlly love everyones backstories also, and i find it interesting that weve gotten to hear/see at least some of all 4 of the MCs backstories. theyre all compelling and interesting and i cant wait to dive in further 

also calling it now but kurapika is totally gonna get way too absorbed in revenge and get fucked up/disregard their own life (maybe in the style of robin in one piece?) we’ll see but i feel like it aint gonna end well. i could be wrong, i really havent been spoiled at all, thats just my guess 

hbahjfbshjf the ep that was called ‘hisoka x is x sneaky’ was SO funny that reads like a dora the explorer ep title 

also i had no idea the ep titles were formatted like that w/the x’s and thats rlly funny��

ok but the part where leorio - who seems to be pretty bad at fighting - tries to fight hisoka - whose literal first appearence involved him effortlessly dissolving a dudes arms - is so fucking funny. leorio rlly b a premed w/no brain cells....same bro. 

also i loved the Cutthroat Kitchen portion of the hunter exam and how not a single contestant was any good at it lmaoooo. do they not have the cooking channel in hxh-verse earth 

ok i love how the main characters are all intuitive in different ways depending on their own skills, like how killua can immediately guess that kurapika has never killed anyone before after they didnt kill evil-franky

kurapika joined killua in the Edgy Corner during that part also. like, they both have legit reasons to be edgy, but the shots of kurapika sitting in the darker tunnel part was kinda funny

also killua, a literal 12 yr old, calling out kurapika for being a murder virgin was pretty hilarious 

ok also i didnt know that madhouse animated hxh which is rlly funny but w/e i love the animation especially the occasional chibi parts and the facial expressions (like killuas ‘i love murder’ catboy expressions) 

oh also when killua murdered those 2 guys and his hand was all vein-y and his nails were pointy, his hands looked like hisokas do...i wonder if thats a legit connection or it hisoka just b getting his nails did 

kurapika talking abt how even seeing a regular spider makes them rlly angry was both very sad and kinda funny. kura u have so many issues god bless 

kurapikas smackdown on evil blue franky was fuckin dope tho. and the red eyes reveal was SPOICY 

rlly love how the individual fights highlights the characters strengths/morals/motivations/whatever....the writing is already really strong tbh 

ugh ok ive ranted enough this is a Lot lmao its so disorganized but w/e 

basically i love this series so far and im rlly curious whatll happen next. also everything seems pretty chill and upbeat so far (relatively) and i know this shit gets dark and im NOT FUCKING READY. 

til next timeeee

[madokasoratsugu]

Lucette and Delora for the Character Thing? ovo?

give me a character and i’ll break them down:

aw hell yea, two boss ass female charas B)) 

Lucette

How I feel about this character

i don’t play a lot of otome games (surprisingly lol) but i was very pleasantly surprised by her and her huge personality. it’s pretty incredible how she grows in not just one, but all five routes, and all in different ways. Lucette is amazing and valid and she deserves so much !! and she got it all !! 

GOOD FOR HER.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

ok UH the top guy is obvs Fritz (and Varg) LMAO// but i also ship her with the other four LIs, Annice and Emelaigne, not in ranked order. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

oh…is it cheating if i say Fritz/Lucette again HAHAH// 

hm i guess Mythros/Lucette ? id love to have seen them interact more. i can never see them together romantically (just because i think they’d be Bad for each other bc past trauma w Hildyr), but imo they’d have a very neat friendship as advisor and queen + magic teacher and student ! 

My unpopular opinion about this character

idk if this is an unpopular opinion but Lucette is #valid for all her behaviours, even those in prologue. 

ive ranted about this on twitter A Ton, but Lucette was someone brought up to be feared and taught that the world would never forgive weakness, and no one showed her kindness even when she was no longer that person (aka when she was first cursed and forgotten). Lucette had no reason to believe in kindness because the world did not give her one. no one is obligated to be kind to a world that hates them - in fact, hating it in return is only a human response. 

she chose kindness and love in the end, and i think that speaks more about Lucette than anything negative anyone in canon has said about her. Lucette chose to be kind to a world that did nothing to deserve it. the world was cruel to her at a time when she needed it to be kind the most (eg her mother’s “death”, her being cursed), and the fact that she turned around and said “this is wrong, i was wrong, and this will change starting with me”, and only ever blaming herself for everything once she finds out about Hildyr is ridiculously, painfully, kind. 

so i stand by her attitude lmao. i understand the townspeople, but fuck them lol. on this tangent: this is also why i love Fritz, because he was the only one to really understand this about Lucette and never demand/urge her to be nicer. all he did was believe in her, and that’s all we fucking want, right. to be believed in. fuck. im getting EMO in this chillis tonite.

other than this i don’t really think i have any unpopular opinions about Lucette :”)) 

(the other love interests tho. lmao. i have Controversial thoughts and here’s one: they would all make lowkey bad bfs and they got a lot of issues they need to work out w Lucette before they can really progress as a couple. the LIs need A Lot of help with their issues and its pretty nice that the game usually concludes with everyone having a support system to help them through it :”)) )

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

i wish her witch heritage had been brought up more ! people’s perceptions of her were obviously coloured because of it, and i thought it’d have been super interesting to see how and why some of the LIs’ views on her were shaped by the fact that she was Hildyr’s daughter - and how those views changed once they truly got to know (and/or love) her. its understandable why none of the LIs brought it up for their own reasons + it would have heavily detracted from the game’s plot and suspense, but i kinda wish we’d had a scene with each LI and Lucette talking about it. 

—

Delora

How I feel about this character

funny enough, Delora is one of those charas that i actually disliked/distrusted at first but then slowly grew to love as the game progressed. i love how her relationship w Lucette and the LIs was explored in the diff routes, and i want to see her interact with Lucette more in the fandisk !!

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Parfait !!! theyre the ultimate lesbian couple. goth/pastel aesthetics on point, ride or die babes; literally met in a war and decided ok, this is the love of my life that im gonna run a tavern with now ! i love them sm. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

hmm…maybe Delora/Rumpel. i actually think that Rumpel and Delora can get along pretty darn well once he recovers his memories and becomes more grounded. also just bc i dont think there’s anyone else in canon in her age group that she’d get a chance to make friends with ajksskfd…..

My unpopular opinion about this character

ok hm might get flack for this but: Delora was totally in the wrong for cursing Lucette but especially for leaving her in the streets without shelter or food for god knows how long. 

the curse in general: it’s a classic case of good guy doing a bad thing to resolve a dire situation, but i do think that Delora took it too far - esp with leaving Lucette in an abandoned alleyway. 

ofc it’s implied that Karma and Waltz were patrolling the streets to just to find her the night she was cursed, but just imagine what could have happened to Lucette if they weren’t lucky enough to find her on the first night - or if they’d found her after the men had caught her. i just think traumatising a girl isnt the best way to teach her the power of friendship and kindness. 

i think Dice/mice miiight have mentioned on their tumblr that Delora was keeping an eye on Lucette the whole day/night when she was first cursed, but then that’s just cruel on another level - standing by while the townsfolk refuse to help i can understand, but letting these men attempt to rob her and chase after her when Lucette is utterly terrified and knows that she has no one to turn to ? kind of a dick move.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

this one is a little meta but: i wish Dice/mice hadn’t shut down the idea that Delora and Parfait are lesbians ! i mean im used to roasting canon in the oven and carving it for the juicy bits so i dont really care, but it kinda stings to have fanon lgbt headcanons shut down officially by the creators lol….

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

Heavy & Medic Headcanon

Also for @camiluna27 bc we were talking about it last night about how much we dislike the fandom making medic into this weak, useless character to satisfy their shipping needs. 

- - - 

Medic was from a place where you kept up a very strict facade... or you died. So like, perhaps when he got there he was guarded, cold, distant, and even though the unresolved tension between him and heavy was CHOKING THE LIFE OUT OF THE TEAM (to the point where even scout and soldier noticed and tried to force them to deal with it via locking them in the infirmary together)... he never made any sign that he was interested.

Anyone who was not considered normal, died. Physical, mental illness... you no longer mattered to the people holding his beloved germany hostage with their dictatorship. Wrong skin? Eyes? Gender? Race? Death.

...there was always some examination, some test, always spies sent out to root out the people hidden in secret basements, attics, cellars.

...always a pretty face at the bar waiting to turn you in for money, for the glory of-... that awful man who ran everything.

-

Medic didn’t technically have a preference. He didn't have a type, not really; but he would know when he saw them, spoke to them, that he liked them. Or didn't.

And he knew that Heavy.... Misha, as he'd been asked to call the Russian... felt the same way in return. But even though on the base, surrounded by people who were somewhat indifferent and likely to kill anyone who stated dissent to anything between the two men... he just couldn't bring himself to take that step.

The last time he'd made a mistake, he'd nearly died. Nearly been caught. Thankfully Mann Co. stole him away before he could be taken, but it still haunted him... he'd lost control.

Heavy has faced the same, in his own country, but he fled rather than pretending to integrate. So his caution is not as high as Medics. Besides, he could kill anyone easily, if they said anything particularly distasteful about it...

For a while, he assumes medic is just a cold man; then he starts to query if he's shy. But then, one night, the medic is exhausted, lounging in an armchair too tired to go to bed himself... and HEavy finally sees the man without his guarded expression on. The glasses are off and not hiding the weary, almost lost, look in his eyes...

He had seen it before, in people who had tried so hard, fought so long, kept too many secrets and been betrayed one too many times to trust...

It was... suddenly far too understandable.

When the man falls asleep, he carries him to bed; and leaves him be. Deciding to discuss it in the morning, a weekend, when there was no battle to distract them.

-

Medic is hesitant, because he can tell what will be discussed, and his entire body tenses when Misha tries to be overly-friendly.

He does not want to be open, like this. What if someone saw? Questioned their motives and reasons for being alone? What if someone knew too much?

Of course, he had an inkling the rest of the team knew... but it wouldn't be the same as admitting it. Aloud. By himself.

Heavy asks him to sit, and says he knows... and it is okay, they are safe here. That Heavy feels the same way; but understands if doktor is not ready yet to say it.

Medic is not a weak man, by any stretch of the imagination... Physically, emotionally, mentally. 

But having to confront something like this, with someone he actually did have feelings for, who was so open and warm about the whole thing. Who was not adverse to waiting, who showed patience...

It had him on the edge. He was confused, mostly; inside was a clamouring mass of fear or persecution, a strange relief that almost made him want to cry, and a sudden surge of adrenaline that screamed 'run, he knows!'. His limbs shook as he tried to stay still, present, in the room.

All he manages to respond is, "I'm not veak" in a small voice.

And Heavy, smart as he was, reacts understandingly, gently. He slowly moves over to encompass the other in a hug, loose and ready to disengage the very minute he gets a signal that the other wants freedom...

"Of course Doktor is not veak. Just too strong for very long time, it is hard, da?"

There's a muffled noise, they both pretend isn't a sob, before Medic agrees "Ja."

"And there is nothing wrong vith not being sure, or ready to say some things. Vill be okay, Doktor, Heavy vill protect you like always."

"...I know. Danke, Herr Heavy... Misha... it is just..." he pauses, "Zhings have happened before vhen I... let someone close..."

He doesn't have to say more, and maybe he never will; Heavy doesn't press. This is the side of Doktor that has been draining the man of his energy, his happiness, for so long... Heavy is fine with listening, or remaining in silence as it resolved.

And they do stand there for quite a while, saying nothing. Both thinking, feeling the reciprocal warmth of one another's bodies.

Finally, Medic sighs and moves slightly, Heavy lets him go immediately; still with the sensation of warmth on his skin.

For a long moment, the German watches him... blue eyes clear and unguarded as he observes the other. Then... he laughs, softly.

"Do you know, Herr Heavy... I zhink I like you, quite a lot..."

Heavy returns the grin. "Da, feel the same way about my Doktor..."

"Good, zhen ve can talk about it over..." he glances at a clock, "lunch? Already?"

"Sounds good, let us go."

- - -

And that does not fix things automatically, but it is a start.

They are slow.

Casual touches, pet names, affection when they are together and then finally in front of the others (who sigh in relief bc it's about time), medic feels safe to lean on heavy one day whilst watching a movie, and the week after, he kisses the mountain of a man after winning a match...

It builds. Confidence, trust, and the spark between them.

Just progressing to sleeping in the same bed took a while. Medic had this frustrating habit of snapping awake, sometimes with new ideas at 3am, other times from dreams, and yet others because Heavy's presence had registered and he'd panic. Thinking he'd been caught, or was about to be.

They built on things.

Sleeping together, to exploring bodies (well, medic had the advantage -clinically speaking), to touching...

And that was the bit that had a barrier to it. They were both eager and trusted one another, but when someone had been betrayed in a very specific and intimate manner... it had long-lasting effects. HEavy would always back off if he felt the other distancing himself, or tensing in all the wrong ways.

Heavy also assured his Doktor that if he was someone who was not, in fact, agreeable to the whole idea or act of sex (or even just certain parts of it), then he never had to make himself do something for Misha. Heavy owuld not be disappointed, and it was okay.

But Medic, while reassured, always thanked him and said, "It's not that, I will keep trying."

-

And he did.

Eventually, one evening they proceeded to a phase where heavy petting got out of hand (consensually), and Medic started to lead the action. Heavy deferred, automatically, as they divested of clothing. It was nothing more than the slick slide of skin against skin, and hands clutching what they could as they rode out a climax... but it was a milestone. A turning point, even.

And perhaps their further encounters continued along the same vein for a while; it was sex, of a kind, and they were very content.

Medic enjoyed finding new ways and places to heighten Heavy's enjoyment just from their basic actions. And he did it well.

Occasionally one or the other would try something new, or different, in their encounters. Hands, mouths, other items being involved. It always depended on day, time, mood.

And when they did have what some might naively refer to as 'real sex'; it was not in the manner many might have assumed. Heavy was utterly content to let the doktor be on top, and although they were both a little nervous (as new lovers tend to be in newer, more intimate situations) things did go well.

And the next time, and the time after that Medic felt secure enough to let Heavy take the lead; and so it went, switching back and forth. Heavy encouraging the Doktor to tell him what he liked, and what he wanted.

...Medic became more confident in himelf; on the field and in the bedroom. He was, by no means, a blushing bride to start with of course; but when you have a part of yourself locked down inside, always trying to keep it hidden away... it tends to erode pieces of your personality.

In fact, Medic liked to be in control, for the most part. He liked to wear certain attire, or not, as the situation demanded; he liked to wring delight out of his partner/s until they were satisfied beyond any expectations. He was finally becoming the person he'd always been intended to be; now that shroud of fear hadd been removed.

And Heavy adored it. He had his own style of intimacy, that at times harmonised with Medics; but that did not detract from his enjoyment of the other man's ministrations. Of course, he always made sure to shower Medic with attention, and sometimes wondered if he was doing enough; but the doktor always assured him that as long as Heavy was crying out his name, then the other need do nothing more than enjoy himself.

Occasionally one or the other would bring a new element into the bedroom (or cupboard, store room, ramshackle building in the middle of a CTF map, Engineer's workshop, Scout's room on two occasions, or the ambulance)... and sometimes it stayed, or was rejected offhand.

Just being near one another was electrifying, all-encompassing, safe. Everything else was just a perk.

-

So no, woobifying Medic as an uke is the wrong way to go about it. But seeing him in a historical context as a man living in fear of his life if someone found out or even suspected he liked more than just women? Definitely.

Fear, Paranoia, self-loathing, being on-guard, it can cause a lot of issues (physiologically and psychosocially) and that takes time to heal. Heavy would definitely understand and be there to help the man feel secure and confident in their interactions.

- - - 

This has been a random headcanon that explain the only real way I would expect to have a nervous or guarded Medic that needs reassurance in one aspect of his life.