you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
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Thinking about Wade just... being normal(?) For a day. Doing house hold chores, watching shitty live tv, goes out to walk Puppins, showering with no smart remarks.
Yes, he still hums and taps on stuff, but it's much.. calmer.. now. In the sense that he doesn't want to cause a scene and would rather just be left alone right now.
But then... when he gets out. Surely he's going to be his silly self and say something, right?? Right???? Wrong.
He just... sits there. Boredly looking at those free magazines that you find sometimes at doctors' offices. The ones that are like "Home improvment for your loved one with dementia" or "50 dinner ideas for someone with diabetes"
Logan just blinks after watching him all day and goes "...Are you okay?"
Without a beat, he awnsers pretty monotoned. "I can't be manic all the time. That's just stupid to think." Before realizing he said it outloud. He perks up and starts laughing. "I mean- Yeah I'm great! What about you, Tiger?"
Again Logan just stares, blinking some as he tries to process.
"....How long have you kept up that act..?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, pumpkin!" It was like watching someone trying to impersonate themsleves.
"....Wade.."
"What is it cupcake?"
"...You don't have to do that."
"Do what? Gosh your so silly. My silly little sunflower."
Logan just stares at him for a bit more and quickly he panics, swallowing and starting to say anything he can to make him believe it was a joke but he dosn't believe a single word of it.
"...its not an act.. is it?"
It eventually ends with wade running out of excuses or things to lie about. He sits there, tears starting to run down his face as he thinks of words to say. You can see just how desperate he is to say something but he can't seem to get it out.
"..I....I-i."
"I know."
Wade just looks at him with this big scared eyes as if he was about to accuse him of faking or telling him he liked this wade better or something terrible like asking how to keep him this way but Logan pulls him into a side hug.
"...are you okay?"
His throat tightens, shaking his head. "..no."
"That's okay." Turning to give him an actual hug, Wade cries. Not because he's sad though. But because to Logan, it doesn't matter how high or low he was on the chart, who he was or how he acted. He loves him. He understands that acting like a crazy childish phycopath isn't a mask but rather who he was sometimes. And sometimes he prefered to silently lay his head on his shoulder.
Eventually Logan asks him if he has a personality disorder and Wade just shrugs. "Probably.... is that an issue..?"
"No.... do you want diagnosed?"
Wade pauses, remembers the last time he asked for medical help and shakes his head. "Nah... I'm good.. besides. I've come to like him."
"How long has he been in there?" Logan playfully knocks on his head and wade giggles a bit. A genuine true laugh. "I don't know. Probably forever.... are you sure it's not a problem?" He bites his tounge, waiting for the "because I like him better" but it never came.
"Why would that be a problem? Sure, you're a pain the ass but you're my pain in the ass." He says, mindlessly sitting for a second before quickly saying "DON'T-"
As wade is on the brink of explosion from laughter and some smirky comments.
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I feel like people understand that Dick changed while Jason was gone, but where it goes wrong half the time is people assume that Dick "growing up" meant that Dick was irresponsible around the time he and Jason interacted/was mean and unable to conceal his jealousy well, which he then evolved from due to Jason's death and was able to build a loving big brother relationship with Tim and Damian and fix his relationship with Bruce.
Meanwhile canon is like:
>Be me, Dick Grayson, esteemed and respected leader of the Teen Titans
> Your younger brother dies
> Fire the youngest member of the Titans because it happened because you had a crisis of responsibility about child vigilantism
> Get punched by your not-official dad
> Help mentor new younger brother because you can't stop him and Bruce from the path they're on, and like hell is another kid going to die
> Kid dies. Not that one. The ex-member of the Titans died disobeying your orders and saving the world in a heroic sacrifice you didn't want him to make, this is exactly what you tried to avoid
> So did two of your friends and one of their moms
> Failed marriage, and a whole lot of relationship stuff you don't want to talk about
> Dad didn't ask you to surpass him in the roll he trained you for since you were 8, gives it to a guy who goes of the rails and starts trying to kill ppl
> Dad asks you to take the roll because he literally has 0 other options and wants to take a vacation
> Bond with younger brother II more, will kill everyone in this room and yourself if anything happens to him
> Move to a new awful city that's often compared to hell
> Having nothing to lose makes it kind of nice here
> Younger brother II gets killed by the same guy who killed younger brother I
> Kill the guy
> Younger brother II wasn't actually dead
> Dad used CPR, so neither is the guy who killed them
> Angst over not being a good enough person not to kill your brother's murderer
> Things start to become okay again
> Best friend dies
> Get shot in the shoulder and fired from your job
> Childhood home gets burned down, 20+ people die
> Apartment building blows up, 22 of your friends and acquaintances die
> Find out it's because someone was specifically targeting you
> Person dies for talking to you
> Choose to step aside and let the guy targetting you die
> Run home because dad needs help
> Get shot in the leg, while passed out another kid hero dies
> Quit being a hero
> Join the mob
> Things start to get better
> Help dad out with some case about this guy named the Red Hood
> City gets nuked because you live there
> Get radiation burns and pass out while saving people, content that you died doing something good
> Dad saved you
> You're still alive :/
> Propose to your ex-girlfriend (not the one from the last marriage)
> Crisis event happens, take a laser beam meant for your father
> Coma for 3 weeks
> She says no (for good reasons)
> You're still alive :/
~and around here is where Dick finds out Jason's alive~
Anyways Dick was not more well adjusted by the time Jason came back from the dead, his life was a constant series of L's, and he got worse 😎
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