#it doesn't get better in this conversation

[calebsdog]

Caleb hasn't been acting like himself lately. He's been quiet, acting like your shadow, lingering just a few steps behind but never making himself known. It didn't make sense.

Caleb was a bold, bright young boy. Raising his hand for every question in class, helping struggling elderly folks cross the street, and certainly never missing an opportunity to tease you.

His teasing has always driven you nuts. But now that you haven't felt his warm hand patting the top of your head, purposefully messing up your hair, you wish he would just snap out of whatever poor mood he's in and be normal again.

"Gran? I think Caleb is getting sick."

Josephine's reading glasses sit at the end of her nose, nearly falling off of her face. When she looks up from her book, she gives you that expression. She looks at you like she knows something you don't, like she pities you for your nativity. You hate when she makes that face.

"Don't worry, dear. Caleb isn't sick. He's just-" Gran's sentence cuts off prematurely. She struggles for the proper words, a decent explanation, before giving up. Shaking her head, she ends the conversation.

"I think it's best if you give Caleb some time to himself for a little while. I'm sure he'll be acting more like himself in no time. Just be patient."

Gran's advice makes no sense to you. Why would Caleb feel better if you leave him alone? And if he wasn't sick, what else could be wrong with him? Still, you try to heed her advice. She has more life experience than you. And, with the way she was speaking to you, it seemed like she knew what was wrong with Caleb better than you.

You manage to keep your distance from him for an entire day. It was at recess, not long after noon, while you were playing on the monkey bars with some other friends.

Huddled against the brick wall of the school building sits Caleb. He's half-hidden in the shadows, his knees tucked into his chest. Caleb plays with you every day at recess, even when his friends try to drag him to the playground's basketball court.

Today, he was watching you, never approaching. Looking at you like he was worried someone would dive out of the sky, snatching you up. Taking you away forever. Before you know it, you snap.

"Hey." Stomping away from the monkey bars, you march right over to Caleb's direction. He was starting to really get on your nerves! You were ignoring Gran's advice. But maybe, just this once, you knew better than the adults.

"..." Caleb doesn't blink as you corner him against the wall.

"I'm sorry. Did you get scared playing by yourself?" His eyes were dull. And you know it has nothing to do with the shade he was hiding himself in.

"I'm sorry. I keep failing you." Ashamed, the young boy curls up on himself. This time, your annoyed expression wasn't enough to bring an amused smile to his face. Why couldn't he just look at you?

Caleb's always been the one cheering you up when you weren't feeling like yourself. When you were trembling from the force of the thunderstorms outside, Caleb wraps you up in one of his jackets. When you were delirious with a fever, your limbs thrashing around mindlessly, Caleb lets you bite his hand to keep you from hurting yourself.

Caleb knows how to make you happy. But does anyone know how to make Caleb happy?

Think. What could you do to make Caleb feel like himself again? How do you know what makes a person happy when they're smiling all the time?

"Hmph!" Before you can second-guess yourself, your hands reach down, roughly snatching Caleb's wrist in your haste. Something had come to mind. You had no idea if it would work. But it was better than doing nothing like Gran told you would be best.

Taking Caleb's hands, you smash both of his palms against your face. The softness of your baby fat dents underneath the pressure. While Caleb was still in shock, you pry open his fingers. And maneuver them to pinch the chubby apples of your adorable cheeks.

Caleb has always enjoyed taking hold of your squishy face whenever he was teasing you. You always swat away his hands before he can enjoy the sensation too much.

"Caleb, I'll let you have a free pass to pinch my cheeks. But it's valid for today only! So, you better enjoy it, kay?"

For a while, Caleb doesn't move a muscle. His hands stay exactly as you had positioned them, his index and thumb lightly clasped around your cheek. He doesn't make his hold on your face tighter or looser.

"... Heh. I should have known. Of course you would find a way to make me feel better." Slowly, your offer starts to sink in. When he starts to pinch your cheeks, not enough to hurt, but just enough to shift your face around like clay, he starts to feel a little more like himself.

"You're so cute." A part of you, the part of you that always grumbles when Caleb plays with you like this, wants to avoid meeting Caleb's gaze. It was totally humiliating to be poked and prodded at like you were his little pet.

But... You have to know if you're managing to cheer Caleb up. Hesitantly, you peek up through your eyelashes, daring to catch a glimpse of his eyes.

Ah, it was just as you had hoped. The light that you have come to associate with Caleb has begun to wash away the dullness from before. Maybe you did know how to cheer Caleb up better than anyone else.

[ao3commentoftheday]

I don't know how to stop feeling not good enough in a fandom space. Everyone in the fandom seems to be a writer, and they bond over this fact, while I just don't have it in me, I prefer making gifs and videos. But no matter how many gifsets I make or how often I comment on other people's fanfiction, I feel left out of the community, and I'm so jealous of them all being friends. What do I do?

oh anon *hugs* I'm so sorry you're feeling that way!

I don't think it's about you not being good enough. I think it's about comments not always being a space that creates community. Authors experience the same feeling of wanting to make a deeper connection in their comments section and not being able to do it.

As someone who spent a lot of time on LiveJournal in its heyday, I was used to comments turning into threaded conversations. AO3 comments used to go that route fairly often too (or at least, they did in my fics and the fics of my friends?). But it feels like commenting on the modern internet doesn't do that as much. We can talk about why that might be some other time, but for now just know that turning a single comment into a longer conversation is a skill that not everyone has. Especially when it requires both sides of the conversation to "yes and" that conversation to keep it going.

Since finding community via comments is difficult, you might have more luck here on tumblr? I've definitely made friends through sending in asks or receiving DMs. Those are both methods that have a better chance of leading to a longer convo. Tumblr is also a place where you'll be able to find more gif makers. Reblog their gifs and reach out to them in asks/DMs and you might have more luck? There are also gif maker memes and events that you could join that would help you encourage your fellow fans to reach out to you instead of always having to go the other way.

I'm less familiar with youtube and tiktok and now community forms in those spaces, so perhaps other fanvidders can share how they do it. And fans of every kind, please share in the notes how you find your people and make those connections. I know anon isn't the only one who'd love to get some advice.

[foxish-draws]

Gerry's off taking it easy so Mike is on his own running errands. He's having a Bad Time™ about it.

It doesn't get better when he leaves the archives.

I might one day go into what this conversation was, buuuuuuut not right now. For now I just thought it would be very funny for Mike to be forced into old man brunch.

[headcanon-everything]

Bodhi Windbreaker Romance Headcanons

I also have some nsfw headcanons, should I make them their own post?

loves when you play with his hair

will lay his head in your lap for HOURS (movie time) if you do

gets chest hair post-realization and gets all excited "Heyy now I look like Patrick Swingze! Bitchin'!"

had some before but was convinced to shave it off and it never grew back right rip

is always singing at you, silly little made up songs

yes even in public

makes the other objects giggle

social anxiety is afraid of him

prefers to keep his face with stubble; if you say you don't like it and want him to shave/grow it out they'll pour but do it for you

will try to convince you to get a mullet at least once mostly bc he's curious how it'll look

loves the beach

loves showing off at the beach too 👀

changes out the scrunchies on his wrist to your favourite colours, won't tell you but it's a little thing for him to keep you close

is a words guy but it always comes out more casual than intended unless he's blatantly flirting

tried to go to Mac and Telly to research how best to win you over with modern romance advice

kept getting conflicting info

then the other objects got wind of it and were trying to give their own advice

most of it was bad

so that's when rainey pulled him aside and asked what he wanted to do

and that's how the power ballad came about

won't realize when he's paying attention to other people, just gets so wrapped up in things when he's excited and has a bad sense of time

is super apologetic once you bring it up tho and is all over you to make it up

cuddle BUG they love cuddling

signs himself up for a queer theory & history course online at Mac's suggestion

came after a conversation of how he doesn't want to upset any of the "ligibitqua people" on accident because he doesn't know any better

wants to go to a pride festival!!!! take him please he'll get along with EVERYONE

LOVES drag. the big hair, the big makeup, the performances, it makes him a little nostalgic of the 80s tbh and he LOVES the energy

he'll leave with quite a few numbers, too (he's too polite to turn them down. you didn't even realize just how many he had until he emptied out his pockets later)

often laments how people seem way more closed off and stay inside now

like, it's considered rude now to strike up a conversation in the grocery store?? why is that? how else do you like, make new friends?

overall struggles with making friends a little bit when out in the world, until you help him get signed up for some community groups and meetups

loves to hear you talk about anything and everything tbh

loves sharing information and learning new things, plus loves hearing your voice

looks absolutely love-struck the whole time

he tries to be an active listener, but has a hard time not getting distracted by your face after a while, especially if it's a complicated topic that he doesn't really understand

the others do tease him and yes he does get embarrassed

loves talking about his interests too! esp stuff from the 80s

likes photography but he's not very good at it - he has a hard time staying still enough to get a clear photo

gets SO excited when he finds out film cameras are still fairly popular

is too impatient to wait for them to develop and always ruins it, so he ends up switching to a 2000s digital one

easing into the tech makes it easier and he likes how cool and innovative stuff from then is!

once he gets the camera set up, has a LOT of pictures of you - he's a nostalgic guy and likes to have keepsakes!!

you like music? you're "performing" with him now. no you don't get a choice and no it doesn't matter if you're good or not it's about fun

(if you ARE good tho?? he is HYPED and if you are shy about it they will be insufferable until you do a song with him at least once)

I didn't realize how many I had I'm going to have to make a part 2 with these haha

[jaysguitarstring]

⋆｡°✩ it's the little things...

small actions they do for you on a daily basis.

⭑.ᐟ pairing ; enha x fem reader, established relationship

⭑.ᐟ warnings ; none

⭑.ᐟ join my permanent taglist here

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

HEESEUNG - making you sit on his lap

heeseung refuses to have you sit anywhere that isn't in a 1 meter radius of him. absolutely no way. your rightful place is either on his lap or closely next to him (for formal occasions, according to him). he doesn't care in the slightest even if the others tease him. if you don't sit on his lap while hanging out with the members, then he'll sulk all day.

JAY - buying you gifts

jay buys you gifts really often for no reason in particular. he just sees something that he thinks would look good on you or something that reminds him of you and he immediately buys it. no hesitation. when you ask him what was the reason, he'll respond "why do i need a reason to spoil you? you spoil me every day with other ways."

JAKE - kissing your cheek

it occurs naturally, almost like breathing. it’s his default greeting and goodbye, but he also sneaks in a small peck when you’re just sitting next to him, or laughing at his jokes. he won’t even realize he did it until you point it out. and even then, he’ll just smile like it’s the most normal thing in the world, because to him, showing you how much he loves you, even just through a small kiss, is normal.

SUNGHOON - tucking your hair behind your ear

he’s always so gentle with it. like he'll crush you with just a swipe of his hand. he does it mid-conversation, when he’s looking at you and your hair is just slightly in the way. tucks a strand behind so he can see your eyes better. he doesn’t say anything after, just smiles softly like he’s trying to memorize every detail of your face.

SUNOO - holding your hand

sunoo is a sucker for physical affection, and holding your hand is his favorite way to stay close to you. he’ll reach for it anywhere and anytime. he often swings your hands together while on a walk just to hear that giggle coming out of your lips. he says it’s for comfort (maybe yours, maybe his, he'll never specify), but overall, he just likes knowing you’re right there next to him.

JUNGWON - getting you flowers

at this point, jungwon has a habit of bringing you flowers everyday. not just roses, he remembers your favorites, picks them based on your mood, the weather, or just because he saw some and thought they were "almost as pretty as you". even if you're out for a walk together, he'll randomly stop in his tracks just to pick out a flower from the grass and give it to you. he definitely takes the time to learn about the meanings behind each type of flower so his choices are more thoughful as well.

RIKI - putting his jewelry on you

he doesn’t say much when he does it, he just sees you wearing something plain, and all of a sudden, he's behind you clasping his chrome hearts necklace around your neck or gently taking your hand in his grasp to slip one of his rings onto your finger, before mumbling quietly "it looks better on you anyway". it's his way of marking you as his without being overly obvious. doesn't care at all if anybody notices, in contrast, even better.

@jaysguitarstring 2025. translations and reposts are prohibited.

[fuselsstuff]

In your corner

Buck is a grieving heartbroken mess, and he needs a change. So he transfers and ends up at the 122 with Captain Deluca.

This is 5 times Sal Deluca stands up for Buck and is his friend, and the one time Buck tells him how much that means to him.

Gen/wc :2,6k/pairing: bucktommy

ONE Sal

"Hold on," Gorman yells. "Are you serious, Deluca?"

Sal leans back into his chair, arms crossed. Looking at the 133 captain suspiciously, "As serious as a heart attack."

They're sitting at their monthly captains meeting, Gorman on the other side of the table, Willis to his left, and the new captain of the 189, Herkel, on Sal's side.

It wasn't an official meeting. More of a get-together in the bar in the middle of their station's perimeter. Mostly to swap war stories and rant about their probies.

"The chief assigned him to my station."

"Pff, assigned? You snatched his papers from the table before either one of us knew that he was transferring." Sal snorts, not losing his posture; he is on a mission.

Gorman lets out a huff, "It's not my fault you pissed off the chief one too many times, Deluca."

True, but not the point.

"I am just saying," he fixed Gorman across the table, "that he would fit way better into my station."

"The kid would fit in any station; have you seen his record?" Herkel chimes in, trying to soften the discussion happening over the table. He is new; he doesn't know yet that this just scratches the surface.

"Of course I did," Sal starts off. "I also happen to know almost every firefighter in that station who has ever worked with him, and I tell you, he fits best in the 122."

"The same station that fired you?" Willis murmurs on his left.

"Damn it, Willis, On whose side are you here?" Sal turns his head.

"Nobody's, because I never saw that transfer either." Willis grumbles into his beer.

Gorman grins winningly, "How about I just take him in as assigned, and we leave this discussion?"

"How about arm wrestling?" Sal answers with a challenging smile.

"What is happening here?" Herkel whispers.

"Idiots," Willis sighs and starts to clear the table to make some space.

It's good to know people; it's even better to know their weaknesses.

Gorman was incapable of saying no to arm wrestling.

Sal grips Gorman's hand and presses until he slams down on the winning side.

"I expect Buckley's transfer paper on my desk on Monday. See you next month, guys." And with that, Sal gives them a big grin, goes to the bar to close his tab, and walks out.

Read on ao3 or under the cut

TWO Smith

Smith looks up from the pile of bandages he was sorting when he hears a child giggle. It isn't every day the captain brings his daughter to the firehouse. But there she is, little Bella holding her dad's hand as they walk through the door.

"Buckley, come here," the captain calls out. Buckley? Why him? Did he even know the captain's daughter yet? The kid had only been at the station for about a month now.

He was curious now, so he kept listening. "Buckley, your man behind today, also. I know this is not the norm, and I wouldn't do this if there was no other way." He points to his daughter, "Her school has a teacher conference, and they only told us this morning. My wife is working, and we can't find a babysitter this fast."

Smith doesn't follow the rest of the conversation; it is kind of weird. So he decides to ask, once Sal makes his way through the station and walks past Smith.

"Cap?"

"What is it, Smith?"

He takes a deep breath. "Our kids go to the same school. That day was confirmed months ago, and I know for a fact that Gina doesn't work Wednesdays. So…do you want to tell me why your daughter is currently using Buckley as her personal gym?"

He looks at Buckley, who was grinning ear to ear, talking to the Deluca monkey that made it to his shoulders.

"I can't use a sad firefighter, and I heard you can cheer the kid up by surrounding him with kids." Sal answers, arms crossed, looking at his daughter with a stern look."

"It seems to work." Smith chuckles, "May I ask where you heard that?"

The captain sighs and turns around; Smith follows him as they walk to the kitchen. "His sister works with an old buddy of mine. Gina was in the same Mommy and Me group as Wilson from the 118, and his ex, who happens to be my best friend, is moping on my couch every other night. I knew way too much about that kid before I ever met him."

"That…" Smith tries to think how to put this, "…is a lot.

"Hmm, want to help me get the ex off my couch so I don't have to bring my daughter here every time Buckley has a bad day?"

Smith holds out his hand. "Approve my time off for next month, and I am all yours, Cap."

"Deal."

THREE Tommy

"You want to tell me what I am doing here, Sal?" It isn't the first time Tommy steps foot into the 122 station. But it is certainly the first time he has no reason to. Or to put it differently, it is the first time Sal wouldn't tell him why he called Tommy to come here.

"You need to help me fix the door," was Sal's answer as he led him through the station.

"You cal… You called me to fix your door?" Tommy repeats to make sure he heard him right.

Sal lets out a little cough. "Hmm, yeah."

They're walking into the hallway on the right side of the station. Tommy knows the supply closets are here, but he still doesn't know why he is.

"Oh good, you're here," Smith breathes out and steps away from the door. Was he…guarding and…was he holding the handle?

"Have you pissed off the maintenance guy again?" Tommy asks, because that wouldn't be the first time.

"No, look, here we are." They stop in front of one of the supply closets; another guy is standing there. Smith, if Tommy remembers correctly.

"Guys, what…" A loud whump and a few swears come from inside the closet.

"Yeah, you see, we can't open the door from the inside." Sal simply states. Smith is just nodding intensely next to him.

"But…you can open it from the outside?" Tommy asks slowly and carefully.

"Yeah, look." And with one smooth and very fast move that had to be rehearsed. Smith pulls the door open, and Sal pushes Tommy inside. Before he can react, the door is shut close behind him, and Tommy is trapped in the closet with…. "Evan?!"

"Hi…uhm, Tommy. Fancy meeting you here," Evan tries to joke. Oh God, this is…

"You guys can come out once you talk." Sal's voice shouts from the other side of the door, and Tommy could swear he hears Smith giggle.

Those bastards.

He tries to push against the door for good measure but knows to give it up right away when he hears Sal chuckle, "Don't even try, Kinard."

So Tommy turns around to look at Evan, sighs, presses his lips together for an apologetic smile, and asks, "Let's talk?"

FOUR Chim

Of all the people that could walk into the bay door of the 118, Chim doesn't expect it to be Sal Deluca.

"Sal, what…" Chim starts once Sal stands right in front of him. He looks furious.

"Are you dumb, Han?" Sal interrupts him.

"Excuse me?"

"I asked if you are dumb, you mook."

Hen joins them, and Chim can sense the rest of the team slowly coming closer, listening, watching what was about to happen.

"What is this about, Sal?" She asks him, also clearly bewildered to see Sal here.

"This is about your boy Buckley."

Chimney sighs, "What did he do this time?"

"What did he do?!" Sal's voice goes up an octave. His chest rising and falling like he has to restrain himself from grabbing Chim by the collar.

"Yeah, I mean, we know he can be a bit hotheaded…"

You could hear Sal was angry now, the way his nostrils almost flared. Chim wouldn't be surprised if there were steam coming out as well.

"No, Buckley just saved three people out of a burning building with a move I never would have thought of. And now he keeps fucking APOLOGIZING for being reckless and dumb, keeps saying shit like he bucked it up. Can you explain to me, Han, why one of the smartest, most capable, and most promising firefighters I know keeps apologizing for saving people?"

"Well, that…"

"You know what? You didn't deserve him in the first place; I am glad I have him with me now."

And with that, Sal turns around and walks out the door the same way he walked in. Sal was furious, each stride creating a deafening thud on the station floor. Highlighting his exit in the most dramatic way.

Hen is the first one to find her words again: "Was that…?"

"Sal…yeah," Chim answers, still confused about what just happened.

"And did he…"

"Hmm." Chim doesn't even know what she is asking, let alone know what to make of this.

In the end, it is Ravi who breaks the confusion lingering around their heads.

"You guys didn't even know he transferred to the 122, did you?" he asks them with a disappointed look on his face.

Chim shakes his head; with everything going on, the baby and…he never asked.

He slowly turns around to face Hen. "Hen...uhm...… When was the last time you spoke to Buck?"

"Last week…month." She breathes out.

Ravi shakes his head in clear disbelief, muttering something like unbelievable, and goes back to cleaning the rig.

Yeah, they deserve that.

FIVE Gina

Gina hears the soft little snores of her daughters before she even closes their bedroom door. Quiet, so as not to wake them up, she makes her way downstairs, where she finds Sal. Brooding over a bunch of papers on the kitchen table.

She rounds the table to hug her husband from behind. A soft hmph escapes him when she lays her head on top of his.

"Are you still working, honey?" she murmurs.

"No, just looking over some records," he murmurs back.

Gina gives him a squeeze before she pulls out the chair next to him to get a look at the papers herself.

"Oh, it's Evan's."

"Hmm."

"Why are you looking at his records? I thought everything was okay." Gina tries to remember if there was something off last week, when Evan was over for dinner with Tommy.

"No, it's just..." Sal sighs and forces his eyes away from the sheet he was just reading. "Today at work, we were at this playground, a kid was stuck on the slide, and this woman came up to him. She thanked him for something, almost cried, and hugged him before she left."

"Isn't that kind of normal behavior if someone saves your kid?" She asks.

"It wasn't the mother; it was some passerby."

"I am confused."

"So was I, so I asked him about it when we were back in the station."

"And?"

"Remember the tsunami a couple years ago? He was there, off duty, saving a bunch of people by pulling them onto a fire truck, that woman included." Sal let out a breath. "It's not even in his record, Gina."

"So you are looking into what else you missed knowing about him?"

"Kind of? He gives so much, like… I've never met somebody that so selflessly just gives and gives and gives and... but he is also stubborn, a bit reckless yeah and…"…"

…"

"He reminds you of yourself?"

He lets his head fall on her shoulders, and she embraces him in her arms.

"Yeah, unfortunately so." He murmured into the crook of her neck.

"You, my love, are a big old softy," she says softly while slowly caressing his back.

"I just wish he could get something back, you know? He gives and gives and gives, and I am afraid at one point he will be burned out if he never gets anything back."

"He won't," Gina states.

"What makes you so sure of that?"

"He has you in his corner now," she says and gives him a kiss. "The rest will follow."

PLUS ONE Buck

It's been exactly a year since Buck walked through the 122 doors for the first time. So much had changed since then. A year ago he was a grieving, heartbroken mess that needed a change, hence the transfer. Today, he is still grieving; he doesn't think that will ever go away. But it's manageable now; he learned to live with it instead of through it.

He is not heartbroken anymore, the opposite really. His heart is so full, sometimes he doesn't even know what to do with all this love.

And change had happened. Putting in that transfer request was the best decision he could have made. One, to save himself, and two, to save the relationship with his 118 family.

It's been a hell of a year. But today, Buck is on a mission, because there is one person who is responsible for a lot of things that happened this year. Buck just needs to find him; he has to be somewhere since he is the captain of this house.

He finds him in the kitchen doing some paperwork. "Hey Cap, can we talk?" Buck approaches him and pulls out a chair. Sal looks up from his work, eyeing Buck suspiciously. "What's up?" He asks as Buck sits down, facing him.

"I have a question." He tries to sound neutral.

"If this is about your time off next week, I already told you I approved of that. But you do owe me some babysitting."

"No...I..." Okay, here goes nothing. Buck took a deep breath and then said, "I want to ask you if you can officiate my and Tommy's wedding."

He looks at his captain, smiling, waiting for a reaction, an answer, something. But Sal looks…confused?

Sal squeezes his eyes shut and collects himself before he talks. "You," he points his finger at Buck, "want me," pointing to himself, "to officiate your marriage?"

"Uhm…yes?"

Sal just looks at him. "Why me?"

"Why, yo… Cap, is that actually a question?"

"Because I am your captain? Tommy has a captain too, you know."

"You are much more than just my captain, Sal, and we both know that." Buck states, because that was the truth.

"I don't understand, Buck, I…"

"Sal, you made sure I came to your station a year ago; don't make that look. I know about the arm wrestling." Sal closes his mouth and lets Buck talk. "You went out of your way to cheer me up when I first started here, trusted me with your daughters, and gave me space. You made Tommy and me talking our thing out, like, literally, if it weren't for you, we wouldn't get married." He takes a breath because there is more. "You walked into the 118, calling them out and standing up for me, and yes, I know about it." Sal clearly didn't know that, with the way he looks right now. "You stood up for me when I didn't have it in me to stand up for myself. You were my friend when I felt like I had nobody. You helped me up when I was at my lowest, so please, Captain, it would be the greatest joy and honor if you could officiate my fucking marriage." Buck ends his monologue with a pleading voice. Sal has to understand that this is important.

"I..." Sal cleared his throat. "Who's going to be Tommy's best man then?"

Buck deflates, letting out a relieved chuckle, "Gina, and mine is going to be Maddie; we already asked them both."

"You are truly one of a kind, Evan; I'd be honored to be your officiant." Sal smiles proudly. Buck grins back.

"Thank you, Captain, for everything."

[ramendumps]

bf wants a threesome (18+)

─୨ৎ─ masterlist⋆˙⟡

~ pairing : boyfriend!jake , girlfriend!reader , bestfriend!riki ~ ramens note : this piece is a recreation from another account owned by me that has already been deactivated by this point! i really like this piece so it's the only one i'm keeping xx ~ contains : masturbation, threesome, unprotected sex, anal sex, creampie, squirting, dirty talk, jake calls reader a "good girl", ass slapping ~ wc : 812

you and jake have been together for a few years. he loves you and wants you only to himself, but he doesn't know what to think when he sees riki getting a little too close to you...

jake keeps a close eye on you during gatherings. the way riki sits right next to you on the sofas, legs touching even when there's space elsewhere. how he'd rub his hands up and down your back when you're hugging him, almost in a possessive manner like he didn't want to let you go. how he always looks at you up and down while you're basically doing anything, biting his lip as he's undressing you with his eyes. riki is literally hardcore flirting with you and you're too oblivious to see it.

jake should be jealous, right? He should be defensive, interfering, setting boundaries and keeping your pretty little ass by his hip at all times like a good boyfriend. but he doesn’t…

while everyone is eating and watching tv, he locks himself in the bathroom with all these feelings jolting through his body. nervousness, anticipation, guilt, heat. takes out his cock right there against the bathroom door, already leaking, throbbing, and twitching. he feels weird about it at first, but the more he thinks about it, the more anticipated he becomes. he starts off slow, lolling his head back with his eyes shut as he reimagines how riki tried to discreetly rub your thigh in response to a funny joke. or how riki would squeeze past between you and some surface as you’re bending over to grab something from a cupboard, grinding his pelvis against you as that’s the very closest he could ever get to being inside you. 

it's so wrong to imagine your girlfriend with another man and he knows it, but it feels good. too good. jake saw everything riki did to you, and he made sure he saw it all. there's so much to think about when he’s in that bathroom, and the way you’re so fucking innocent makes it even better.

"please babe, just think about it. you on top of me, and riki behind you. you don't even have to face him!"

you sigh for the nth time in that conversation. a threesome is a wild request that you honestly could be up for... but you love jake, and only jake. even if you aren't facing riki during the act, it still felt wrong.

but here's jake basically begging you for a threesome. you don't think you've ever seen him beg so hard for anything.

at least riki isn't a stanger... ugh whatever

"alright, jake. as long as i'm not facing him, this can work"

you can see the sparkle in his big, puppy eyes as soon as you said that.

before jake knew it, you're laying on him, chest to chest while he's rutting into you at a frantic pace. "atta girl," he whispers dirtily in your ear which only makes you whine louder in his neck. "you like being used like this? huh?"

jake grips your waist and rails you at a bruising pace, inconsiderate of your sensitivity. your hold on his shoulders tighten as your body tenses with another approaching orgasm, too dumbed out to even signal that you're close.

you're sobbing loudly as you feel a pair of hands gripping your cheeks roughly and spreading them apart. "u-ugh... riki..."

you hear his low, raspy groan behind you, his dick so deep in your ass and banging you so hard that you completely forgot how to form proper words. riki slams balls deep inside you and holds that position for a moment, letting his spit drool over your rim before slowing out and slamming back in.

you're a moaning, drooling mess on jakes chest. so little and pathetic. you didn't know what to expect when you agreed to this. you're damn well near coming all over the both of them when you feel rough friction on your clit. jake. he rubbed his finger on the base of his cock, gathering your slut juices and slathered it all over your clit, rubbing your nub just gentle enough to not hurt you. "such a good girl..." he'd moan in your ear while riki is moaning shamelessly behind you.

before you can warn them, hell, before you can even mentally catch up to what your body is doing, you squirt all over jakes lap. your pussy is juicing like a fruit, both of your holes contracting on them. jake can't hold back any longer. he lets loose, filling you up completely while riki just... stops moving.

"dude... did you f-finish already?" jake stutters a bit, still coming down from his high.

riki doesn't respond, he just slaps your ass roughly, eliciting a sob from you. he begins moving again, slowly. he wants to last as long as possible inside you, not knowing if he'll ever get this opportunity again.

© 2025 ramendumps

[formulafanfics13]

Okay, now a cliché. The reader is Tsunoda's girlfriend and is taller than him (whether it's a lot or a little, it's your decision, diva ❤️). They both love each other and this difference is insignificant to them. At a Red Bull event, a businessman decides to ask Yuki "if he can handle you" and says that he (the businessman) can handle you better. Tsunoda gets furious but doesn't have time to answer, because the reader hears everything and says that she is MORE THAN SATISFIED WITH YUKI (in every sense), so satisfied that she even "screams" (😌) Yuki is proud and actually makes the reader scream in the hotel room.

Yuki short king 4ever ❤️

I love writing for Yuki, but I just feel that I never really know what to write!

Scream for me - YT22 🔥

Masterlist

Summary: At a Red Bull rooftop event in Tokyo, a sleazy businessman tries to humiliate Yuki by questioning if he can “handle” his taller, confident girlfriend — only for her to destroy him with a savage, orgasm-laced monologue in front of half the paddock. Fueled by pride and need, Yuki drags her back to the hotel and makes her scream his name over and over, proving exactly who owns her body, soul, and every inch of her voice.

Warnings: dom!Yuki Tsunoda, size kink (height difference), public humiliation (of a third party), possessiveness, rough sex, oral (f receiving), mirror sex, degradation (light), overstimulation, praise kink, dirty talk, orgasm control, cocky dom energy, mild exhibitionism, paddock chaos

 It started as a good night. Swanky rooftop bar, panoramic view of Tokyo glittering beneath the stars, Red Bull branding discreet but everywhere. Yuki stood beside you with one arm resting possessively on the small of your back, still in his tailored navy suit, white shirt unbuttoned just enough to make you bite your tongue. He looked stupidly good. Stupidly short, too, compared to you in heels, but he didn’t care. He never had. He was Yuki fucking Tsunoda. He drove cars like a demon and fucked like a god. The height thing? Please. Irrelevant.

You stood taller than him in your black satin dress, hips tilted, clutch dangling off your wrist. He loved it. Loved how your legs looked in heels, how your body pressed down on his when you kissed him, how the world looked at you and assumed all the wrong things until he had you under him moaning like a prayer.

He especially loved how you never let anyone treat him like less. Which was why the moment started to curdle, it felt like poison in his throat.

The businessman was older. Oil money. Or maybe crypto. One of those Red Bull "strategic partners" who wore a suit that cost more than Yuki’s Monaco rent and a Rolex that could blind a man in daylight. He’d been staring at you for the past ten minutes while pretending to talk about aerodynamics. Now, drink in hand, he tilted toward Yuki with the kind of smirk that always meant bullshit was coming.

“So,” the man said, his accent thick and condescending. “Tell me… how do you handle her?”

Yuki blinked. “What?”

The man smiled wider. “She’s tall. Strong. A lot of woman. I mean-” he laughed, like they were friends. “Can you even handle that?”

Yuki went silent. Body tensing. Fire building. The man didn’t stop. “A woman like her needs someone who can take control. Not be intimidated.” His voice dropped, disgusting and smug. “I could handle her better than you ever could.”

Before Yuki could breathe, you spoke. Loud. Clear. Cutting. “Funny,” you said, spinning around slowly. “Because I’m more than satisfied with Yuki.”

The conversation around you stopped. Heads turned. The businessman blinked, stunned. “In every way,” you added, smiling with venom. “In bed. In life. In ways that would make you cry.”

Yuki swallowed. You weren’t done. “In fact,” you went on, stepping closer to the man with a casual tilt of your hip, “I scream. Loud. Almost every night.” Someone coughed. A Red Bull comms intern dropped her phone. “Sometimes,” you said sweetly, “twice.”

The businessman looked like someone had slapped him with a wet fish. Red down to his fucking collar.

“Now if you’ll excuse us,” you purred, lacing your fingers through Yuki’s. “I’m going to take my incredible boyfriend back to our hotel and let him fuck me until I can’t remember your name.”

Yuki didn’t speak. He just turned, hand clutched in yours, and followed you out with fire in his chest and the kind of cocky smirk that made half the Red Bull garage cheer as the elevator doors shut behind you.

He didn’t even wait for the room service menu to be set down. The second the door clicked shut, Yuki had you pressed against the wall, mouth on yours, teeth nipping your bottom lip like he was trying to mark you from the inside out.

“You scream, huh?” he muttered between kisses, hands already on your hips, sliding up your thighs. “You scream for me?”

“Every fucking time.”

“Then scream for me now.”

He spun you around, pulled the zip of your dress down so fast it burned. You gasped, arching as the satin peeled off your body. His hands roamed your back, your ass, gripping like he was trying to memorise every inch. You turned to face him, lips already kiss-swollen, bra discarded, nipples hard from his stare alone. “Bed,” he growled. “Now.”

You backed toward it. Crawled onto the mattress with that bratty little smirk he loved, legs spread just enough to show him what was his. He watched, chest rising fast, pupils dark with hunger.

“You want me to scream, Yuki?” you teased, voice breathy. “Then earn it.”

He did. He pulled your panties off with his teeth, tongue already dipping between your legs before they hit the floor. His hands locked around your thighs, holding you open like a fucking feast. And then he ate. Groaned against your cunt like it was his last meal, tongue dragging slow and deep, lips closing over your clit with obscene precision. You were already whimpering.

“Louder,” he said against your skin, “I want everyone in this fucking hotel to hear how wrong that bastard was.”

You did. You moaned his name so loud the walls shook. When he pushed two fingers inside you, curling just right, your legs trembled.

“Yuki-fuck-fuck-”

He didn’t stop. Just switched angles, tongue still on your clit while his fingers fucked into you like punishment. The orgasm hit so hard you gasped like you’d been shocked.

And still, he kept going. “Another,” he said, voice low. “I’m not done.”

You came again before you could argue.

By the time he pulled away, face soaked, you were wrecked. Mindless. Sprawled across the bed like a girl who’d been worshipped by a god. But he wasn’t finished. He grabbed you by the hips, flipped you over, and pressed you against the hotel mirror.

“Look at yourself,” he ordered, cock hard and leaking against your thigh. “Look how pretty you are when you scream.”

You moaned as he slid inside you, deep, rough, claiming you in one sharp thrust.

“Say it,” he growled into your neck. “Say who fucks you like this.”

“You-Yuki-fuck-you-”

He grinned. Pulled out, slammed back in. “Louder.”

“You! No one-fuck-no one fucks me like you-”

“Good girl.”

He set a brutal pace, fucking you hard enough to make your toes curl, your legs shake, your lungs give up trying to catch breath. The mirror fogged. Your screams filled the room. Your nails scraped the glass. And when you came for the third time — barely coherent, fucked dumb and dripping down his thighs — Yuki finally groaned against your skin, hips stuttering, and came with a moan that sounded like victory.

You collapsed together, breathless, tangled in sheets and sweat and pride.

“Still tall,” you whispered, lips swollen, “still screaming.”

Yuki kissed your shoulder. “Still yours.”

And when you woke up to a text from the Red Bull press team asking you to “keep it down next time”, you sent them a wink emoji and went back to sleep.

Because yes, you screamed. And yes, he earned it.

[trendywaifus]

ZHU YUAN X FEMALE READER BUT ZHU YUAN IS AN ABSOLUTE LOSERRRR, like your usual pubsec officer Zhu yuan is so focused and composed but once reader comes into her office to ask her about work related things. She's so AWKWARD, like in an endearing way. She'll try to maintain professional cuz she's still at work duh. But she'll make small talk while smiling awkwardly and laughing at you nervously fidgeting with her hands under her desk 💔. She definitely wouldn't act like this on the job in public cuz she prioritizes her work. But in private it's lowkey over

I just know she also doesn't know how to flirt so when she does decide to 'flirt' it sounds like "Your outfit today looks nice today" and it'd be your fucking pubsec uniform LMFAO reader has to ask her out first💔. I'd type more but I literally have 1 minutes left until submissions are closed😫

If you don't like this and don't do it can u just do cockwarming Zhu yuan with a strap idk

-🍔🍔🍔

how can I not like this??? n the funny thing is you could’ve type more i remembered u sending it like an hour before it closed. 💔 GOSHDAMN BUT I LOVE THIS. zhu yuan is such a dork. cw: none. fem! reader, fluff

firm knocks reverberates around zhu yuan’s office as she finishes up paperwork for her shift. she has exactly thirty minutes before she clocks out. the upcoming conversation with whoever is behind the door will mostly take up the time she has to finish. sighing, she quickly scribbles a few reminders on a stick note for what documents she has to finish on tomorrow’s shift.

“ you can come in! “

the door gently opens and her composure pathetically crumbles away when she sees you strolling into her office with a beautiful smile on your visage.

“ zhu yuan, i know it’s almost time for your shift to end and i’m sorry, but i have some inquiries about patrol tomorrow. “

the aforementioned woman nervously fiddles with her pen, answering back, “ a-ah (name)! it’s alright! please don’t apologize. ask me anything you want to know about t-tomorrow’s patrol. “

you are a squad leader for a different team who patrols in a different part of the city. recently, there’s been reports of increased robberies in the lumina square area and the streets surrounding it. your squad was handpicked to help out with patrols. it puts her little more at ease that you’ll be helping her and her squad. saying that she’s inspired by your work ethic and compassion would be an understatement, she inspired by everything about you. you were apart of her graduation class and how you comb through fields even she struggled with, inspired her to do and be better.

you walk up to her desk and zhu yuan swallows lightly, placing her pen down, and rests her hands on her lap. “ the area we’ll all be patrolling is pretty darn big. . .mm, since you know the ins and outs of it, have you decided on our positioning? which is fine if you don’t because—“ she is trying so hard to pay attention to what you’re saying but it seems like she suddenly lost the ability to properly focus. did your eyes always looked so bright whenever you talk to her? the way your hands would move around as you articulate makes you look. . .what’s the right for it. .cute? she has the same habit but she thinks it doesn’t look good on her compared to you.

“ u-um. . “

“ hm? “

zhu fiddles with her thumbs under her desk, “ s-sorry, what were you saying? i-it’s not like i wasn’t listening to you—i just got a little distracted with something! h-haha. .”

you tilt your head at her, blinking. she was always a little shy outside of her workspace but getting distracted during work is kind out of character for her.

“ sorry but distracted with what? “

“ i. .uhmmm. .” zhu yuan’s cheeks turn a rosy pink, the tips of her ears turning red. “ w-with. .your outfit!”

your brows curl upwards and you glance down at your stylized pubsec uniform. was there something wrong with it?

“ does my uniform look weird today or something? i always make sure that it’s within dress code. .“ you inquired with uncertainty in your voice.

“ n-no, “ she sputters, waving her hands frantically, “ i meant it looks good today—y-you look. .good today! “

your face contorts into a look of realization once it clicked that the socially awkward woman in front of you is trying to flirt.

you break out into a knowing smile and laughed chastely. “ thank you, zhu yuan. but i think you look good everyday. “

the shy smile on her face was borderline dopey. zhu yuan clears her throat awkwardly, “ th-thank you too. i-i’m sorry for diverting the conversation, let’s go back to the plan. what were you saying—“

“ are you free tonight? “

“ i-i’m sorry? “ zhu yuan looks so cutely appalled by your sudden question, you just wanna kiss her.

“ let’s go out for noodles after our shift. we can discuss the plan while we eat, beautiful. i don’t think we’ve had time to properly hang out after years of knowing each other. “ you offered, giving her a sweet smile. bashful, she hurriedly nods her head with a timorous smile. “ i agree! that would be nice but. . “

“ but? “

zhu yuan taps her pointer finger against her thigh as exhales out a subtle shaky sigh. her heart is beating against her ribcage. “ i’m not sure what to wear. .” you chuckle, leaning your body over the desk and extended your hand out. her gaze flickers between you and your hand, puzzled.

“ hand please? “

she complies tentatively, placing her gloved hand into yours. “ it can be just casual wear, it’s a casual date after all, “ you start, guiding her hand to your lips and gently kissed the leather pad. although zhu yuan can’t feel it, the mere gesture turned her face hotter. “ you look flawless in your uniform. can’t wait to see how perfect you look in something else. “

[transingthoseformers]

https://www.tumblr.com/transingthoseformers/787829224658649088/soundwave-should-go-yandere-for-shockwave-like?source=share

Ooh bonus points if Shockwave encourages it

It's just little things, like waving at cameras that he knows are turned on, or looking back at the camera when a conversation is going on too long, but to Soundwave it's permission

And guess what! It is permission. It is very much Shockwave asking Soundwave to go nuts on this one bot that's getting too flirty/clingy or that he just doesn't like. Even better if Shockwave gets to witness The Horrors, he wants to watch his pretty wifesband tear someone limb from limb and he will gladly help hide the remains by turning them into a science experiment

I love this they're both horrible but they're amazing for each other 💖💖💖

[bulgingforbucky]

Sweet Drip

NSFW Warning: Jockey position, Daddy kink, Cunnilingus, Brief Spanking, Finger Sucking, Chokehold, Aftercare Bucky Barnes x arab!reader Word count: 3737 Summary: When the New Avengers come back to the tower, you prepared sweet treats for them. Bucky has a different taste for something sweet instead.

In your own mind, you're humming to yourself while doing your usual baking for the team. It's not that often, but it's enough to soothe the sweet tooth of the New Avengers. Bob is helping with the decorations, adding different frostings and sprinkles to the baked goods. The smell of the goods fills the kitchen, enveloping it with a warm, inviting scent that takes hold.

"Bob, don't forget to put minimum frosting, you know Ava doesn't care for it that much," you reminded him, before taking the last batch out of the oven, placing it on the large stove.

The mittens are pulled off and placed to the side. The smoke coming from the sweet treat is coming off strong while you let out a sigh of content. You couldn't help but think about how much of this space isn't needed before you glance at the soft boy who's finalizing the finishing touches.

"Okay, Bob, are you ready for the last batch? You—"

The doors opened, catching both Bob's attention and yours, cutting your sentence off. All you hear is Bucky calling Walker's shield a "shitty shield" making you roll your eyes at the instant bickering. With the team getting closer, you can understand what is being said, which it consists of a disagreement with Sam. That makes you sad, you know the history between Bucky and Sam, and you hope it won't damage their relationship. Other than you, Sam is the only other person he is close to.

Observing, you can see the creases in Bucky's forehead from stress and frustration. The legal situation of the Avengers name has taken a toll on him and the team. The New Avengers have been trying their hardest to prove themselves worthy of the name, but things aren't working in their favor. Alexi's personality comes into play, redirecting the conversation to the newly-fresh-baked goods on the table.

"I would love to continue this conversation, but I see a better opportunity of relaxing with sweets and beer," Alexi muses, immediately making his way to the kitchen, his feet retreating from the group.

With the Russian super soldier changing the subject to food, Bucky looks up with his gaze aimed in your direction. The first act of acknowledgment since he has arrived, his expression relaxes seeing you in your apron. The brunette also begins to make his way to you, in contrast to Alexi's, his steps are silent. A skill he has been taught that has stuck with him, among other things.

"Hey."

A smile comes forth across your face, speaking to him in that innocent, sweet tone, "Hello, James."

The tension in the man's shoulders began to simmer. He can see how your apron has a variety of stains on it, indicating you've been working hard.

"I already made yours, one for yourself. You can enjoy it later," you murmur softly, seeing him nod as a response.

A low hum rumbles in his chest. "Been working hard?"

"Sure, if you can call it that, yes," a laugh slips from you, shying away from the buff man.

You wouldn't consider baking a job, it's more of a hobby for you. It gives you peace and happiness and opportunities of learning new things, whether it's with someone else or on your own. Bucky glances at the baked good that's on the counter, which is being devoured by Alexi.

"They look amazing, baby, as always," the small compliment making your heart jump, you can never get used to his small remarks.

He progresses to get closer to you, reaching out, he grabs your hand, running his thumb across your knuckles. From standing so close, he can smell the cinnamon aroma lingering around you.

His body leans forward, taking in the scent of you, "You smell yummy."

The tone of the atmosphere makes a complete three-sixty from a few seconds before this. The tension is ascending quickly and wrapping itself around the neck of its victims, strangling them. Heat rises in your cheeks, his whispering, the way he's speaking to you. It was a lot to take in at once.

"Careful, James, your soldier peeps can hear you," you mutter lowly to hide your conversation from potential lurkers.

The blue-eyed man narrows his eyes, keeping his gaze on you and also observing his surroundings. No one was paying attention to what was happening between them.

"Then maybe we should take this time to..." his sentence trails off, making you tilt your head in curiosity.

"To what, Bucky?" you urged him to finish what he had to say.

"Go to our room? If you're done down here, that is," he purrs, caressing your hand, and you react positively.

You hope deep inside that the team doesn't notice your exit.

"Fine, Buck."

He smirks, pulling you with him, and the both of you make your way down the hall. The team gets left in the other room to enjoy the sweet treat you've prepared for them.

—

Once inside, Bucky pushes you against the cold door, attacking your lips. His hands immediately reach out and grip onto your hips. He just has to be close to you, to touch you in any way, and you'll have him. A sharp sting is felt in your bottom lip from him nipping it. You winced, licking the small cut on your lip, followed by him letting out a dark chuckle, his lips moving direction, attaching to your jawline.

Soft suckles on your neck, making you moan softly against him. The sweet smell of you makes his cock jump in his pants. The hold on your hips tightens as the suction of his mouth gets harder. Your heart is beating out of your chest from Bucky's ministrations. Around you, the room seems to be getting smaller, hotter. Or maybe it's just the way the soldier is pressed up against you, his body warm as well as yours, turning you on. You are getting worked up along with Bucky, your wetness getting uncomfortable in your panties.

"Pretty girl."

The grip on your hips moves, sliding down to your thighs before using the leverage to pick you up. You make a sound of surprise, wrapping your legs around his waist. Bucky carries you to the bedroom that's low and dim with just a lamp on. You're placed onto the bed before you witness him covering your body with his.

His fingers grab the waist ties, undoing the knot that's securing them to your body. The stained apron peels off your body, getting thrown to the side. Your shirt is pulled off over your head, leaving you in your bra and pants. You take matters into your own hands, unbuttoning your pants, seeing Bucky watch you. As you push down your pants, he helps pull them completely off your body standing up.

The ex-assassin pulls off his own shirt, revealing his muscular body to you. Your eyes travel along his body, seeing the different scars. You look up at him, reaching behind you, taking off your bra, and exposing your breasts to him. Lying yourself out, you invite him to come closer to you, which he does. His rough hands rub your thighs before leaning down, putting his mouth on your nipple. He sucks on it softly before groping your unattended breast. He drew back, gazing at you, taking you in.

Bucky gives you a soft kiss before leading it to your jaw. As the kisses went further down, he started giving you hickies. The kisses continue to go down south between your breasts, to your stomach, and finally, passing your belly button.

"Sadly, we don't have lime and salt," he jokes, making you laugh, shaking your head.

He reaches the waistband of your underwear, and this is what both of you were waiting for. He looks up at you before he teasingly lick a stribe on your clothed pussy hooking his fingers into the waistband. Pulling down your underwear, visible strings of wetness are seen connecting you and your underwear. Your underwear is then discarded to the side before Bucky looks at you with a disapproving look.

"You were hiding your neediness from me," he remarks in an accusing tone.

"No, I wasn't."

"Then why didn't you tell me you were dripping and ruining your cute panties?" his head tilts when he observes how you're trying to seem innocent.

At that statement, your face gets hot from how bold the man is. Even though you've been together for a while, you still get shy around him. Technically, you weren't hiding your arousal from him; he just didn't ask. That doesn't make you a smartass either, it's just common sense.

"You're not a shy girl, don't tell me you were embarrassed," he teases you before his thumb makes connect with your slit.

Your body jolts at the feeling of his finger on your hot, wet skin. The sheets crumbled up under your grip, and the ache for the man grows. You have to tell yourself, don't get greedy and your time will come.

"Getting wet for daddy isn't something to be embarrassed about, baby. It doesn't take much for you to get riled up and that's okay," he starts to rub his thumb up and down on your slit with slight pressure.

Your pussy pulses softly under his fingers with wetness coating his thumb resulting in a smirk from Bucky.

"Look how hungry you are for my touch," he tsks at your behavior before hitting your pussy watching you flinch from it.

"If I get too rough, you know you can stop me, you know."

You nod immediately, you trust him to stop if you ask. You know he won't hurt you intentionally. He cares about your well-being and makes sure you're okay with anything he does. The last thing he wants to do is make you uncomfortable.

Bucky smiles.

His head starts to descend between your legs placing kisses onto your clit coating it on his spit. Eating your pussy, he sucks on your clit and giving it little licks knowing you hate that. He knows you prefer long licks, slow, and fast. The warmth of his tongue gets pressed against your slit licking firmly. He groans into you making you twitch from the vibrations on your sensitive pussy. Too soon, he pulls away, trying to not laugh at the annoyed look in your eyes.

"You're probably thinking I should stop teasing and touch you like you want."

Funny thing is, he's not wrong. You hate being teased. The chance of receiving something that is in arm's reach, only for it to be taken away. You hate it. God, you were so needy for it. You can feel yourself clenching around nothing as you feel his hand touch your breasts. You pray that he wouldn't be too long, you needed to feel him now. When you try to grind down on his finger because you want him inside, you receive a sharp slap on your inner thigh.

You squeeze your eyes shut with a quick wince, "Ouch, that hurts!"

You reach out your hand, rubbing the stinging flesh that was hit. A glare is thrown in his direction, and the soldier is all but intimidated.

A mischievous smirk appears on his face.

"It wouldn't have hurt if you had been still," Bucky said with no remorse for his actions of disciplining you.

You frown before sighing softly, "I'm sorry, can you touch me please? I'll do anything, Bucky."

You plead with him wanting needing him to touch you. The downside is that he can see through your facade. He chuckles, shaking his head, knowing you're only saying what he wants to hear. He wants you to mean it.

"Anything, sweetheart?" he pinches your clit hard making your legs close unsuccessfully shielding yourself from him.

The only thing coming from you is pained sounds, making you unable to answer his question. Bucky's head tilts at your squirming, but he still doesn't let go of you.

"I expect an answer."

You quickly nod, wanting him to let go, which he does. The six-foot man gives you a smile before rubbing your pained throbbing clit. A whimper slips out of you with the feeling of both pleasure and pain, which is carried out through your body. His hand parts from your cunt before hold up two fingers placing them in front your lips.

Your eyes follow his fingers before you look up at him, silently wanting him to confirm what you think he wants you to do. The man's eyebrow raises, indicating what he wants you to do, and he expects you to not defy him. You curse yourself in your head before you open your mouth, taking in his fingers. Closing your mouth around him you being to suck on them.

"Good girl, get them wet for daddy," he whispers to you, encouraging you before he makes you make eye contact with him.

Both of you hold eye contact, he's watching you suck his fingers as you're watching him watch you do so. It's an intimate exchange. His fingers leave your mouth before his mouth is placed on yours. Immediately, you kiss him back, relaxing under his touch. His tongue swipes at the bottom of your lip, asking permission to enter.

His wish is granted when your mouth opens partially, allowing him to slip in his tongue. Soft sounds are heard from both of you, feeling each other's tongues. Pulling away from you, he looks at you before spreading your legs, opening you to him.

"Are you going to let me in, baby?"

You chew the inside of your cheek before you lie back onto the bed, answering his question. Bucky looks down at you spread out for him, his cock twiches inside his pants. Reaching down, pressing two of his fingers to your entrance pushing into your pussy. Almost instantly, you squeeze his fingers as they progressively get deeper.

"Just let me prep you, then I'll give you what you want," he states in a promising tone.

His fingers start pumping into your pussy as your wetness squelching. Following his fingers, his thumb rubbing on your clit. Whispering encouragement is heard from him, making you grind down on his fingers. It feels so good it feels like your pussy is pulling him in more. Subtly he grinds his clothed cock against the bed with growing need to be inside you. Your lips are parted as his fingers drag along your walls, avoiding your G-spot on purpose.

The metal-armed man doesn't want you to come on his fingers as it would be harder to make you come back to back, so he prefer to wait to give it to you. The sounds from your throat get louder as the pace of Bucky's fingers gets faster. You feel him pulls his fingers out your cunt and before you could protest he begins to rubbing your clit fast with his fingers. A loud cry comes from you. Your legs start to close on their own before Bucky prevents it.

"I feel tingly," you warn him, making him stop.

You sink into the bed with a sigh. The brunette leans down, kissing your knee, waiting for you to relax. Once you've succeeded, he grabs your hips, guiding you on your belly. You let him move you without any protest. Behind you, you can hear the sound of Bucky's zipper being unzipped. He pulls his pants and underwear down to his ankles before he steps out of them. The thickness of his cock slaps against his thigh before he grabs it stroking it.

"You look beautiful like that, sweetheart," his voice deep, filled with desire.

You duck your head with a quick 'thank you,' nervously drumming your fingers on the bed. With a chuckle, he lets go of his cock letting it fall back between his legs. Stepping towards you, he climbs onto the bed, getting behind you. He checks in with you once more to make sure you still want to continue.

"You still want to keep going?" he checks, rubbing your lower back.

"Yes, please, I want to keep going. I'm fine," you reassure him that you're comfortable with the situation.

Upon receiving the green light, the soldier positions himself at your dripping opening. His tip rubs up and down on your folds, pulling a moan out of you. When he pushes in, you can feel the burn from being stretched, even though he prepped you. His cock goes in slowly making sure to not cause any complications. Once he is fully settled inside you, he waits for you to adjust to him.

When he sees you testing it out for yourself, he assists you by moving his hips a little, observing your reaction. He doesn't hear a wince or see you buck away from him, so he keeps the same slow rhythm. As time passes, you can feel yourself opening as his thrusts remain frequent. Your body arches indicate the need for more. Bucky picks up on it, moving his hips just a little faster.

He buries his cock into your pussy grinding against you before pulling back and repeating. You yelp when you feel his hard grip on your hips pulling your ass up. With this his cock pumps into you much smoother and better. Your body can feels this as it is gripping Bucky's cock. He bites his lip at the feeling of your tight, warm, wetness.

"Poor girl, your pussy is just gripping me. You needed daddy that bad?" he coos to you before slapping your ass.

You gasp, feeling the sting move through you, shuddering. Again, his hand comes down on your ass making your asking burn momentarily. Small whimpers roll from your mouth as you reach back, trying to stop him, only for him to grab your hand. Bucky begins to speed up his movements, going harder inside you. Loud moans come from you at his rough fucking.

"Oh fuck!" you shout feeling his cock deep and hard filling you up with everything he has to offer you.

When his hand reaches over and presses down on your lower stomach, you let out a mewl. His cock feels so good inside you, you can feel it throbbing. You made the conclusion that the hard thrusts are most likely from not receiving any pleasure until now. Bucky did that on purpose.

"You feel me right here? It's all for you, all yours," he uttered against your heated skin.

With each hard thrust, a noise comes from you, your hands gripping the sheets hard to ground yourself. Seemingly, you can't take it becoming overwhelmed by how deep he's going. You attempt to falter his thrusts by try to get off his cock. You hear a huff behind you before you feel his arm wrap your neck. Your cheek is pressed up against his bicep, making you squirm.

You beg him to slow down, to stop going so hard. The more you beg, the more you forget what you're even begging for. Bucky holds you still as he rams his cock into you. Soft kisses are pressed to your temple, which contrasts with his rough thrusting. He can feel your juices cover his cock groaning in your ear. Your hand grips his arm, and all you can do is take it.

"Daddy, it's too much, you're going too fast," you whine out as your eyes gloss over, you can't fight back, you will just get punished.

"Stop trying to run from me then baby, stop trying to deny me of your sweet pussy," he grumbles holding you against him feeling your soft body against his chest. "Just submit baby, I got you," his voice is soft in your ear making you clench on his cock.

Once he feels you go limp against him, his hips circle against you, slowing down his thrusts. His cock is still going in deep and it hurts a little.

That's the good part, isn't it?

With each stroke your pussy you can hear squishing like sounds coming from in-between your bodies. His big heavy balls hits your clit while they swing along with his body rocking. He's so thick you can feel every drag of his cock. If you could see it you would see if your poor pussy is stretched around him. It's a miracle how he can even fit.

"Daddy is so proud of you, you always do your best every time," his body grinds into you as he feels wetness on his arm.

Looking over you, he can see how you are so out of it that you're drooling on him. The tip of his cock hits your sweet spot sending sharp pleasure through you.

"Such a good fucking girl. Let me help you," he coax feeling your pussy squeeze him and release. To help you he reaches down stimulating your clit. God, it's all too much to comprehend at once. The feeling of Bucky's cock pounding into you the right way, his fingers rubbing at your clit, and the whispered praises it's all too good.

With Bucky's encouragement your pussy begins to gush on around his cock triggering the start of your orgasm. You can't even call out from being loud, causing your thrust to be sore. Your cunt cling to his cock even wanting him deeper as you come hard shaking mildly.

Bucky grunts watching you in awe while fucking you through your orgasm before his balls draw up. His cum shoots out of his tip stunning his body, he pushes deeper into you instinctively. He fills you up, bucking into you before settling down, panting against you. Both of you stay still, enjoying each other's company. He withdraws his cock from him as well as his arm.

"You okay?" he asks with concern, rubbing your arm.

"Yes," your throat hurts when you talk, but other than that, you're good.

You receive kisses on your back, sighing at his tenderness. Groaning, you turn around on your body, looking at the man. He looks disheveled, his hair is damp and messy, with his pupils being more blown than they are normally. Raising your hand, you swipe at the sweat on his forehead before you hear him talk again.

"I'm going to get you some tea from the kitchen, and hopefully the others didn't hear you," he chuckles softly, making you laugh as well, covering yourself.

[ao3commentoftheday]

I haven't been able to stop thinking about your post from a few days ago about attachment styles and the 'write for yourself' versus 'write for the feedback' groups, and with the recent asks that have something to do with, essentially, loneliness in fandom, I thought I'd share this in case it's either interesting or maybe might resonate with others.

I use 'I write for myself' as a mantra to avoid emotionally confusing feedback on fanworks with fulfilling human interaction. Fandom is full of spoonies who are notoriously isolated, physically, socially or both, and I think a lot of us are either lonely in our real lives or, if we're lucky and have some genuine social contact there, are lonely within fandom. I know for myself feedback can feel like, I guess like someone giving you candy, and when you're hungry enough eating something, anything, can feel better than nothing at all. And, for me, it's really easy to slide into craving candy (which at least I can earn by creating content) while I'm living in a food desert. Candy is great! I love candy! But it's not a replacement for actual nutrition and a diet of only candy does nothing, in the end, but make me sick.

I write fanfic for complicated reasons (not least of which is hyperfixation) and every time I start writing again I set myself up to make that mistake because I'm starving. So 'I write for myself' is one of the things I use to prevent myself from consuming feedback like maybe this piece will taste like a real conversation or maybe that piece will lead to something like a friendship. It helps me manage my mental health, and helps me genuinely appreciate and value feedback for what it actually is instead.

Thank you for sharing that with me (us) anon! Reading through your metaphor, I definitely resonate with that idea. When I'm hungry for community or for friendship or for confidence comments can satisfy that hunger, but only ever temporarily. And unfortunately, since that "candy" doesn't provide the same nutrition as actual friendship or other close relationships, the hunger just keeps coming back.

Plus, you get that unfortunate sugar crash when the comments stop.

Here's the post anon is referencing, btw, for those who are curious.

[ariaxco]

stop waiting for closure (it's not coming) ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ 🎀

you're still waiting for that conversation. the one where they finally explain why they hurt you. where they take accountability. where they apologize and everything makes sense.

you're waiting for closure from people who specialize in leaving things open.

here's what nobody tells you: closure isn't something someone gives you. it's something you give yourself.

they're not going to apologize

you keep replaying scenarios where they finally understand how much they hurt you. where they feel bad and make it right. where they validate your pain and admit they were wrong.

but people who hurt you intentionally don't suddenly develop empathy. people who dismissed your feelings don't suddenly care about them. people who gaslit you don't suddenly start telling the truth.

they're not going to apologize because:

they don't think they did anything wrong

they don't care that they hurt you

they're too proud to admit fault

they benefit from keeping you confused

they know an apology would require them to change

stop waiting for accountability from people who profit from your pain.

they're not going to explain

you want to understand why. why they cheated. why they lied. why they left. why they chose someone else. why they treated you like you didn't matter.

you think understanding will help you heal. you think their explanation will give you peace.

but their reasons don't matter. their explanation won't undo the damage. their "why" won't change what happened.

maybe they were hurt. maybe they were scared. maybe they were going through something. maybe they didn't mean to.

so what?

pain doesn't excuse harm. their trauma doesn't justify traumatizing you. their reasons don't minimize your reality.

you're looking for closure in people who created the mess

you're asking the person who broke you to also fix you. you're seeking healing from the same hands that caused the wounds.

that's like asking your kidnapper to also be your rescuer.

they created the chaos. they don't get to be your peace too.

closure from them would be nice, but it's not necessary. you don't need their permission to move on. you don't need their validation to heal. you don't need their explanation to understand your worth.

what closure actually looks like

real closure isn't a conversation. it's a decision.

it's deciding that:

you've heard enough lies

you deserve better than breadcrumbs

their behavior was unacceptable regardless of their reasons

you're not responsible for fixing what they broke

you're worthy of love that doesn't hurt

you don't need their approval to know your value

closure is accepting that some people are committed to misunderstanding you. some relationships are meant to end badly. some chapters close without resolution.

closure is choosing to stop re-reading the pages that hurt you.

how to close the door yourself

1. stop expecting different results from the same person they've shown you who they are multiple times. believe them. stop hoping they'll suddenly become someone else.

2. write the conversation you're waiting for write down everything you want them to say. the apology, the explanation, the acknowledgment. read it to yourself. feel what you need to feel. then burn it.

3. forgive yourself for believing their potential you saw the good in them. you believed they could change. you gave them chances they didn't deserve. forgive yourself for being hopeful.

4. reclaim your narrative they don't get to be the author of your story anymore. you decide how this chapter ends. you decide what the lesson was. you decide when to turn the page.

5. find closure in your own growth the best closure is becoming someone who would never tolerate their behavior again. the best revenge is healing so completely that you forget to hate them.

why you don't need their closure

you think you need them to admit they were wrong so you can feel right. you think you need them to say you mattered so you can feel valuable. you think you need them to explain so you can feel sane.

but you already know the truth:

they were wrong

you did matter

you're not crazy

their acknowledgment won't make these things more true. their denial won't make them less true.

you don't need their closure because you already have all the information you need: they treated you badly, and you deserve better.

that's it. that's the whole story.

the closure you're really seeking

deep down, you're not waiting for their apology. you're waiting for permission to stop hurting.

you're waiting for someone to tell you it's okay to move on. that you've suffered enough. that you're allowed to be happy again.

here's your permission: you can stop hurting now. you can move on now. you can be happy now.

you don't need their signature on your healing certificate.

what happens when you stop waiting

when you stop waiting for closure from them, you start creating it for yourself.

you stop checking their social media. you stop driving by their house. you stop asking mutual friends about them. you stop hoping they'll reach out.

you start investing in your own peace instead of their potential. you start writing new chapters instead of re-reading old ones. you start looking forward instead of backward.

you realize that closure isn't about them saying the right thing. it's about you choosing the right thing for yourself.

the truth about moving on

moving on doesn't mean you weren't hurt. it doesn't mean what they did was okay. it doesn't mean you have to forgive them or wish them well.

moving on means you're tired of carrying their weight. you're tired of letting their choices control your peace. you're tired of waiting for someone who's already moved on.

moving on means you choose yourself over the story you thought you deserved.

moving on means you close the door they left open.

your closure ceremony

closure is a ritual you perform for yourself. it's not a conversation you have with them.

delete their number. unfollow them everywhere. pack up their things. throw away the letters. burn the photos.

not because you hate them, but because you love yourself enough to stop living in the past.

say goodbye to who you thought they were. say goodbye to the relationship you thought you had. say goodbye to the future you thought you'd share.

say hello to the life you're building without them.

closure isn't something that happens to you. it's something you do for you.

stop waiting for them to close the door. you have the key.

[bi-scared]

Hello! Idk if you’re taking requests or anything because I couldn’t find anything on that, but if you are could you do Bayverse Donnie courting hcs, gender neutral or fem is fine, thank you ( ^ω^ )

Hello !

Thanks for your message!

I've never had to answer a request before, I'll give it a try. I hope you like it!

Here we go with Bayverse Donnie courting his favorite human!

SFW ~ Wrote this with F!Reader in mind, but I think it can be read as GN!Reader

Before Donnie courts you, he's going to need some preparation first. And for that, well, he's going to stalk you first… But not in a creepy way (according to him, anyway), it's only in order to get to know you better, to know what you like, your hobbies, your passions, the things that make you tick, the subjects you like to talk about…

Donnie will hack into your computer and phone. That said, he'll refrain from reading your conversations, finding it too intrusive. Well, maybe he'll do it once or twice, just to see if you're talking about him.

Over time, Donnie will build up a complete database on you. He'll be able to tell what kind of movie you're in the mood for, what music you listen to when you're doing this or that task, what your day-to-day difficulties are that are piling up and ruining your life…

After a while, Donnie feels he knows enough. He doesn't stop gathering information about you, no, but he does start to do some gentle preliminary tests, first by starting you on easy subjects he knows you like. “What do you think of that character's reaction in that movie?” “What do you think the singer meant when he wrote those lyrics in that song?” “Don't you think this show deserves one more season?”. He even ends up suggesting works he thinks you should like. And he notes every one of your reactions, of course.

When Donnie feels that the feedback from his initial tests is fairly positive, he'll move on to the next phase: your day-to-day worries. He'll bring the subject to the table by chance, listen to you, encourage you to develop and suggest solutions, including homemade gadgets to make things less unbearable or even better.

Donnie can easily adapt to your lifestyle and passions. Like video games? He'll play with you, suggest titles you don't know yet and discuss strategy and/or lore with you. Do you like to travel? He'll find you the best deals, cheap hotels and transport, places worth visiting that aren't too crowded, and he'll make you a personalized travel kit ready for use. Do you have a hobby that requires expensive equipment? Don't worry, Donnie will make you everything you need, tailored to you, and you can even make personalized requests.

As for your emotions, your hard times, your victories, you've never had the impression of living them as well as you do now that you've met Donnie. Strangely enough, he knows when things aren't going well and, better still, he knows what to do to make things easier to handle. And he also knows how to make you proud of yourself when you accomplish something, no matter how small. “I told you those dishes wouldn't stand up to you!” "It's about time your teacher/your boss saw what you're capable of. You deserve to make him realize how lucky he is to have you.“ ”I've known for a long time that you were capable of accomplishing this. You should believe in yourself like I believe in you."

After a while, you inevitably start to have doubts. He's always one step ahead… He knows you almost better than you know yourself… You're asking yourself some serious questions and Donnie is going to understand this in your change of behavior with him. But he hasn't anticipated this and doesn't know how to interpret the signs you're sending him. Does he scare you? Are you just confused? Are you flirting with him? He needs to think and understand.

During this period, nothing more. No more endless conversations, no more messages of encouragement, no more gifts. He's no longer available. You can try to confront him, but you'll get nothing out of it but stammering excuses and embarrassed silences.

But your patience will be rewarded, as Donnie will be revising his tactics from scratch, starting from the beginning and being more honest and less calculating in his approach. Maybe he'll need a conversation or two with one of his brothers or his father to come to this decision. What's certain is that he's definitely stopped stalking your life.

From now on, Donnie will resume his sharing. But he won't always automatically agree with you, and that's a good thing, because your exchanges will be more authentic. This will lead to interesting debates, friendly bickering, more honest agreements and the laughter that goes with them. A real sense of complicity will develop, without manipulation or hidden motives.

Donnie will continue to share music, films and TV shows with you. Only this time, it's stuff he really likes, and which sometimes hints at how he feels about you. By doing this, Donnie reveals a real part of himself to you, and gives you the chance to get to know him in turn. Of course, you don't have to like what he likes, but if you openly mock what he shares with you, he'll take it badly and shut himself off. It's hard for him to expect this level of complicity with someone by being authentic. Be patient with him.

He also starts giving you more personal gifts, not necessarily useful, but things that really make you happy. Because they're made with sincerity, with no other aim than to please you. Maybe things you can wear on you or to decorate your home that will make you think of him, you and your relationship, objects that mean “I'll always be there for you, no matter what.” And he means it, even if it doesn't all end up being what he'd like to be for you, Donnie is now at a status where it's fine with him as long as he can be there for you.

He's starting to send you messages again, maybe less often but more specific, longer, more honest, giving details of his day and encouraging you to talk about yours. He may go several days without sending you anything, but his messages will be all the more powerful in their spontaneity. You never know when he'll write, but it's always worth the wait.

With all this, Donnie's feelings are being laid bare more and more, and his behavior with you is becoming clearer and clearer, especially to the people who know him best. His brothers and father have long since understood. If you still don't take a clear step towards him, April will eventually understand too. And if it's still not obvious to you, despite the open jibes Donnie gets from his brothers that make him stammer and blush, then one of them finally breaks down and tells you, out of pity for Donnie or just because they're sick of hearing him giggle like a lovesick teenager every time he talks to you. It's getting ridiculous, and it's time to take the next step!

Even if you eventually accept his advances, Donnie will never really stop courting you. Because it's become normal, it's what he does with you, it's become your relationship and being your boyfriend won't change that. It's the translation of his love for you.

If you let him know that what he's feeling isn't mutual, Donnie will stop. At first anyway, but as he promised, he'll always be there for you and he'll come back to you, with his intense conversations, his encouraging messages, his sharing, his laughter. He'll be your friend no matter what. Will he ever get rid of his feelings for you? Never completely. But if you don't change your attitude toward him after that, he'll settle for what you give him.

What if, before he even realizes he has feelings for you, you already have someone in your life? What would Donnie do? Well, if it's one of his brothers or someone else close to him, probably nothing. He'll keep any budding feelings to himself, and you'd have to know him pretty well to know something was up.

But if it's someone he doesn't know, Donnie goes through a period of stalking, to make sure that person treats you well. That's what he convinces himself, but there's also jealousy.

If things go well between you, he'll withdraw. Perhaps waiting for a more opportune moment.

If he thinks your other half isn't treating you right (and he's pretty good at seeing things like that), Donnie will slowly but surely try to make you understand what's wrong. And if things get worse, Donnie will tell you more clearly, even if it means you discover that he's been stalking you, or even that he has feelings for you. He'd ruin his relationship with you to protect you from a toxic person. That's one way of doing the court, no?

You'll have to cut Donnie out of your life completely if you want him to stay out of it, because he won't give up. Seeing you suffer in a toxic relationship is hurting him too much.

If he can convince you to break it off, Donnie won't court you right away. And he certainly won't do it the way he usually might. You're coming out of a difficult relationship, and he knows you need time. Maybe the support he'll give you at this point could be seen as flirting, but he has no such intentions at the time. He just wants to help and may even be feeling a little guilty.

As time goes on, he moves straight into stage two, with heartfelt sharing and honest conversations, exposing his feelings without pre-testing. Stalking you, studying you, testing you… All this will seem far too intrusive after what you've been through, and he doesn't want to risk making you think there's something toxic about him too…?

[thebroccolination]

"THE EX-MORNING" AND KARMIC CYCLES

Y'know, I think there might be some Buddhism going on in this series made in a country where Buddhism is super influential to the culture.

I'm tagging @hallowpen in case they want to critique or add anything since I'm basing most of this on conversations I've had with them about karma and Thai culture. \:D/ (Baby's first Buddhist meta!)

Okay so here goes: I think we could be watching a story about breaking karmic cycles, lads.

Like, here, I went back to episode 2 and rewatched this scene:

Their professor tells them that they complement each other because their strengths and weaknesses align. So when they're in balance, they're perfect together.

The trouble is that they weren't balanced. Because of Tam.

We also have Yong emphasizing the same point in the last scene of episode 2:

He says, "This clip has shown me that both of you are good in different ways," which is, crucially, the first time he's recognizing this about them. I mean, one could argue that based on the flashback in episode 7, Yong has been under the impression that Phi was dependent on Tam.

Not the other way around.

See, what I really like about Tam's reason for leaving is that it was selfish. Because he also has an arc. The bigger arc, actually, because Phi has basically completed his now.

This is where I think Phi's main arc ended.

Hear me out!

Tam is his arc. I know some viewers raised an eyebrow at Phi asking Tam to get back together before he knew the reason why Tam left, but I think he made the conscious choice to reconnect without knowing as a gesture of forgiveness. 1) Buddhism is heavy on forgiveness, and, maybe more importantly: 2) Phi broke his karmic cycle and narratively earned himself his relationship with Tam back.

Phi tells Tam that he thought he knew Tam better than anyone, but he knows now that he was wrong because he was still blindsided by what Tam did to him. They couldn't get back together without something changing first, and it's this: having recognized that his pride was part of their weak foundation, Phi opens up to Tam through his newfound humility. His only condition for them getting back together is that they resolve what he seems to see as his biggest failing in their relationship: his ego.

Narratively, Phi was always going to get back with Tam not just because it's a romantic comedy and duh:

But because from the moment they met, Phi has literally never wanted anything more than he wants Tam.

Tam is Phi's sun, and Phi is Tam's world. They're quite literally named so they're connected (Pathapi: "earth", Tamtawan: "following the sun"). Without Tam, Phi has no vibrancy, and without Phi, Tam has no purpose. But together, they also run the risk of being too codependent.

Hence: balance.

Phi was established from episode one to have a want vs. need arc: he wants his career back, but he needs Tam. Now that he has his need resolved (Tam), he'll likely spend the remaining episodes trying to get his want (career).

This means, delightfully for me, that Phi is a false POV character.

Because this story's central character is actually Tam.

[we all miss the turtleneck don't we]

The title of the series refers to Tam.

The English title is "The Ex-Morning" (the name of the show they're creating) but the Thai title is: "The Ex Always Changes" (which is based on a Thai phrase about the weather being mercurial), so this series is definitively about Tam. That's why his overall arc is the bigger one, the one that took longer to unpack, and likely the one that'll stretch to the end of the series.

Tam's arc is about breaking his own karmic cycle in which he continually gives up everything he has for Phi's benefit.

It's literally part of Tam's song "Consent":

He doesn't like living like this. He's painfully aware that from the start of their relationship, he's always prioritized Phi over himself to his own detriment, and he knows it's making him miserable.

Buuut he's still not being totally honest about it. So his character arc isn't done. As of episode 7, he's only now trying to take a step back so Phi can stand on his own.

This scene in episode two has a whole bunch of new meaning to it now that we know what we know about Tam as a character. Initially, I wondered what Tam's tone was when he says, "If I lose, you'll never see my face again. Are you okay with that?" I think he's literally offering this to Phi. As in, "Not only will I quit, I'll leave, and this time I won't come back or bother you again."

Obviously, this isn't what Phi meant, and it's clear from both of them crying afterward that it's not what either of them actually wants.

But it shows that from episode one, even after four years apart, Tam's still as self-destructive as he was when he made the choice to leave.

After one critique from their boss, Tam gave up his career and his home in the name of Phi's success. And he valued himself so little in the process that he didn't expect it to shatter Phi the way it did.

The one bit of evidence Tam had to back up this assumption was when he saw firsthand how quickly Phi got over his seemingly (but not actually, apparently!) hopeless crush on Paul by dating him. He went from best friend to rebound and never saw enough value in himself to realize it was because Phi actually does love him more than anyone.

What I like most about Tam deciding to leave the country is that he didn't do that part for Phi. Tam left Thailand because he didn't trust himself not to try and do everything for Phi again.

In this episode, we saw that his "let's break up" text was deliberately hurtful. He started out with something much, much kinder, if still cowardly. (Breaking up a loving, three-year relationship by text is only okay if you're trapped in an avalanche, kids.)

Tam was so convinced he was going to hurt Phi's chances at fulfilling his dream that he deliberately texted Phi in the way most likely to hurt him so Phi wouldn't try to get him to stay. Tam, in all his twenty-three-year-old wisdom, probably expected Phi to recover the same way he did when his crush on Paul seemed to fall through.

One could argue (and I am!) that Tam was much more dependent on Phi than the reverse. (And it might explain why Tam's mother isn't a big fan of Phi if she thought Phi was actively taking advantage of Tam rather than just, y'know, being aggressively coddled by her son.)

That's why Tam doesn't stand up for himself when Phi confronted him: he doesn't think he was in the right for what he did. He starts the episode by saying it was the worst mistake of his life. He calls himself the villain! But the reason he did it is consistent with everything we've seen of him.

He values Phi over himself every single time an opportunity presents himself.

And I think he didn't tell Phi in the bathroom scene in episode three because he didn't want Phi to know that Yong chose him over Phi while Phi was willing to humiliate himself to get his career back. It would have been genuinely cruel to do that to him considering what he'd just experienced.

I suspect Tam was planning to tell Phi after Phi's career was back on track.

But I also think Phi nailed it in this part:

I don't think Tam ever intended to come back to Thailand when he decided to leave, and I think he might have actually wanted to leave again when he thought Phi had everything he needed.

I think that changed as they spent more time together and Tam just wanted to have Phi back, but for real: I do not think Tam had a plan. One phone call from Yong and Tam left Australia to start his post-graduate career helping his ex resurrect his broken career. I think he's making this shit up as he goes along, lads. Hence all the "Ex Always Changes" thing.

I ran out of screenshots but this part is also crucial. Tam admits the contradiction of blocking Phi everywhere so he wouldn't be tempted while also saying every text and phone call made him hope somehow it was Phi. He says it only took one call from Yong to bring him back to where he was.

In response, Phi tells Tam that time doesn't make you forget, it just makes you strong enough to remember what we've been through. (Which is a banger of a line, holy shit.) Which lines up perfectly with all the flashbacks we've been getting to show us what their relationship was like and why it fell apart.

Episode three is completely about karmic cycles. The series literally shows us a transition from Phi and Tam arguing in university to arguing in the same way in the present. They were stuck in a pattern of behavior, and only now has Phi broken free of a major one.

Tam's is next.

Because despite the premise of the series making it seem like Pathapi is the one who has the most to change, Tam is actually much further behind in his arc. All Phi needed was, frankly, any support system since Tam was not only his boyfriend but his only actual friend (lol).

But Tam's need is more abstract than that, so it's gonna take him longer to get there.

As for the meta aspects, it's not a perfect one-to-one with KristSingto's lives, but it is related. PhiTam are the same age, but Singto's a year older than Kit, and through their first chapter working together, Singto clearly felt like he had to take care of Kit in a lot of ways. He was his nong from school and now, even though they were both new to the industry, Kit was still younger, more carefree, and also a notorious people-pleaser, so he did frankly need someone like Singto to ground him. But Singto's said he tried too hard to be cool, to appear unaffected, and he's doing that less now. He's loosened up a lot, and I think it's because Kit matured. Obviously Kit still adores him and needs him to a degree because we all have people we need, but he's not dependent on him anymore. They're strong as individuals now and working together by choice, so in that regard, I think the parallel to PhiTam works beautifully.

I continue to love my domestic little series about exes who are cosmically obsessed with each other. :')

TEAM TAM!!!

[1tbls]

(NOTE: unfinished post that is probably going to remain so, but i liked the thoughts here so i wanted to publish this from my drafts finally. not gonna edit or polish, haven't touched this in half a year, enjoy ♥️)

some thoughts about jean vs. kim as narrative contrasts, through their self-comparisons to harry.... and what their approaches to harry tell us about their class consciousness.

this post is 9 paragraphs long. please clap.

So. Jean compares himself to Harry, and he doesn't seem to understand why neither he nor Harry can get better. While Harry is the focus of his ire, he draws a comparison between them by calling them both garbage. He calls his own 7-year depression a medical anomaly, despite the fact that depression isn't really something you can cure, and not exactly a mystery given their socioeconomic circumstances. If he's dismissive of his own 7 years of suffering, of course he's derisive about Harry's disability and mental illness. He sees Harry fail over and over, and he frames it as deliberate. As though Harry just isn't trying hard enough, just doesn't want to be a healthy, functioning member of society. If Jean's inability to get better is a personal failing, Harry's inability is that 100 times. Any time Harry is sick or relapses or struggles, it's just another personal failing Jean sees reflected that he should deride him for.... How else will he change? Why can't he just overcome himself?

I think there's this fear/hatred of their similarities because Jean doesn't want that to be his inescapable future, doesn't want to think he could be crushed under capitalism the same way (one) (two). So he refuses to look at their issues within that context, and instead frames them as perplexing anomalies. "Why can't Harry and I get better despite the fact we live in poverty and are addicted to drugs just to function in our job that sees us brutalizing other human beings daily? A mystery! I am going to ascribe this as an inherent failure in both our persons and fuel my hatred of us both." He sneers at Trant even suggesting that Harry's (/their) struggles are reinforced by the system they are trapped within.

When Jean expresses views like "no one gets married in Revachol" or being frustrated with sensitivity training... He's clearly bitter about the state of society, but his comments seem more targeted towards personal, moral degradation, rather than injustice or inequality under the Moralintern. I think Jean being 10 years younger might contribute to this. He's only ever lived in a world run by the MI, and perhaps he can't imagine anything besides their benevolence. It's the RCM and the MI who brought the about the wealth and stability of the '30s, after all. It's not the same anymore. It's too late for us. He's garbage, Harry's garbage, everyone's garbage.

Kim compares himself to Harry, sees Harry's struggles, and... He isn't perfect at first either! Initially, he almost refuses to acknowledge Harry's amnesia and withdrawal, but he does try to meet Harry with understanding. In your very first conversation with Kim, you can tell him that you're not really a cop, and his response is to tell you that he feels that way sometimes, too (but there's still a job to do, officer). Perhaps Kim is understanding to a fault, at times. He understands why other cops take bribes, to survive. When you find speed in Klaasje's bathroom, he's curious about it, to the point of considering using it himself. Kim understands why people do these things, because it's a fucking hard life out there.

Now, something that sets Kim apart from Jean, is that Kim is intimately familiar with the fact that his circumstances go beyond him as individual. He is constantly faced with the context of anti-Seolite racism, and how it colors others' view of him. He started from one of the harshest beginnings, with both parents dead and growing up an impoverished, bullied orphan. I think this is where so much of his kindness comes from, empathy gained from his own obstacles he has had to struggle through.

Yet, Kim still thinks that if he can prove himself as an individual, that will somehow exempt him. He's desperate to be such a good cop and Vacholiere that it eclipses that fact that he is Seolite, a binoclard, a poor little orphan, the many things that have isolated him. Like Jean, there's this fallacial logic on individual versus system, but here seems to be more learned helplessness rather than reactionary self-hatred (though Kim has that too, with the internalized racism). Kim doesn't like to have opinions on "facts" like the MI, so perhaps his logic is something like "You can't change 'facts' (the overwhelming power of the system), but you can change yourself." Fixing the system seems insurmountable, like asking the laws of physics themselves to change. All he believes in is the RCM, where he can bring his little grain of sand to the anthill every day, where it's swept over by a boot heel every evening.

Kim is at a point of consciousness where he is empathetic of the actions others take to survive in their flawed system, but paralyzed to take that logic any farther. Now, others have written excellent analysis about how partnering with and loving Harry is going to radicalize Kim. He looks between himself and Harry, and if this white, Double-Yefreitor, fucking detective god can be thrown to the gutter.... Will Kim and his hard work ever actually matter to the RCM or to Revachol? Honestly, I can imagine Kim going through a period of depression and apathy after this disillusionment with the RCM, because if changing yourself/individual action doesn't help, and changing the system is impossible, what can you even do?

And that comes to Kim's other obstacle towards radicalization... Being deeply lonely and isolated. He's always been cast as the outsider, and he's created this guarded and curated persona in reaction. The man has no class consciousness/solidarity for exactly the same reason. He's had so few allies in his life, how can he imagine power in solidarity? How can he imagine it when it has not been offered to him? Of course he can only turn to individual action, which will always be meager and demoralizing before the weight of the world's problems.

Despite Jean and Kim's differing approaches towards Harry and society at large, I think they make the same fundamental mistake... Focus on individual actions or failings invariably loops back into hatred, for others and yourself. I think Harry's friendship and respect is a step towards healing this for Kim, but I'm not sure it's the salve for the part of him that will still think "Ah, he sees beyond the fact that I'm a bino Seolite!" I don't think Kim can truly believe in opposing the MI and capitalism, until he stops thinking of himself as something to be overcome.

Bibliography of posts linked here, as well as posts that influenced this one <3 Thank u for your beautiful thoughts, mwah mwah:

Linked:

@renmorris (one) (two)

@convoloutedinjoke (one)

me <3

Inspiration:

@lastwave (one) (two)

@smokedgastropod (one)

@kryaaas (one)