#it doesn't help that i was part of a Major fuck up at work today in which a liquor was sold at a Very Wrong price point

[trashmainblog]

oooh I'm feeling real burnout right now. i know i am bc i just. keep snapping at people at work. snapped at the executive chef. snapped at another bartender in the group chat. good gd.

[abbyshands]

THE LAST OF US, and the israeli themes surrounding it

i'm very glad that people were able to see one of the previous things i published, where i complied a series of links that you can use to learn more of what's going on in gaza, how you can help, places you need to boycott, etc. however, at the end of the post, there is a large part of it that is DIRECTLY meant for people who play or watch the last of us, or play the last of us 2.

the last of us 2 in specific is not at all elusive in displaying the chilling themes we are seeing before us today. what boggles my mind, is that a select few individuals are choosing to keep publishing fics, reblogging them, uploading content that has NOTHING to do with what's going on, etc. also, you can't reblog one thing about palestine and claim that you care, then flood your account or people's home pages in fanfiction, especially during a media blackout. it just doesn't work like that.

i took the time to make a post discussing all of the israeli/palestinian themes that the games as a whole, but mainly the second one, display. if you are my mutual, a friend, a fan of my work, or a fan of the game or show, then i 100% demand you read this. if you can read fics for hours, you can spend time to read a post discussing the universe those very fics came from.

a lot of us are now aware of the last of us's nature in regards to the ongoing genocide, but not many people know the specifics of it. after seeing this post last night (the person who made this, you are an angel), i decided to take the time to dive into the specifics of the last of us 2's israeli nature, on a logical level, but also a moral level, using a list of sources to help me along, which will be linked at the end of this post. i will link the sources along the way so you know which sources i got my information from.

regardless of if this changes anyone's mind about ignoring the media blackout, or not giving a fuck about what's going on period, know this: regardless of how you feel, regardless of what you believe, from the river to the see, palestine will be free. at this fucking point, the people who are on the right side will keep speaking out and spreading awareness, regardless if you are here to do it with us. that's it. now, let's get into this.

UPCOMING DISCUSSIONS: neil druckmann, the last of us 1, the last of us 2, the last of us show and zionism in the show's cast, boycotting the game and show, and conclusion

NEIL DRUCKMANN

45-year-old neil druckmann, who was the co-director and co-writer for the last of us 2, was born in tel aviv, israel in 1978. according to the above source, druckmann was raised in a settlement in the west bank, where he was surrounded by violence on a daily basis. comics, movies, and most of all, video games, became an escape for him as a child, before he and his family moved to miami, floridawhen he was 10 years old.

to water down the full story that you can, again, read here, druckmann went to college to major in criminology. however, when he was in college, druckmann took a compsci course, that later lead to his major becoming coding as opposed to criminology. soon after, he knew he wanted a career that related to one thing: video games.

in the summer of 2013, the last of us part 1 was released, and it was renowned as one of best video games to have ever been made. in 2020, druckmann and nd released the last of us part 2, followed by the 2022 release of HBO's show based on the first video game. druckmann played a huge part on set, being not only the co-creator and co-writer of the show, but also having directed an episode himself. druckmann will remain involved in the second season of the show.

bringing up neil druckmann’s background is a crucial aspect of what’s upcoming in this post, hence why i wanted to discuss it at all. druckmann growing up in israel is one of the sole reasons the last of us was ever made at all, and not only that: it is the reason why the second game is the way it is, because neil druckmann planted his israeli ideologies right into it.

so, let’s speak on it.

THE LAST OF US 1

on the official the last of us podcast, neil druckmann himself discussed the last of us' link to the israeli-palestinian conflict, and now, genocide. the general consensus was that people will go ridiculously far for the people that they love. this idea of druckmann's was revealed when he discussed the first time the main character of the first game, joel miller, kills somebody to keep his daughter, sarah, safe from harm. this is one of the first scenes in the game prior to the time jump, where the pair's neighbor becomes infected, and attacks them. joel uses a gun to kill him so that the neighbor doesn't harm sarah.

the following is a quote i would like to copy from this link word for word: "Druckmann said he follows "a lot of Israeli politics" and compared the incident to Israel's release of hundreds of Palestinians prisoners in exchange for the captured Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit in 2011."

the plot of the first game, as neil druckmann explained, is based around a moral dilemma. he discusses how if joel had to kill a man to save a random kid, would he have done it? druckmann himself says, "but when it was his tribe, his daughter, there was no question about what he was going to do."

while the first game, in my opinion, isn't as heavily centered around israeli themes as the second game is, regardless, it is heavily crucial to note that the basis of the first game derived from a real-life incident involving israel and palestine, where hundreds of palestinian people (edit: i believe it is more than 1,000) were released from imprisonment, all in exchange for one israeli soldier. in the second game, the israeli-palestinian themes, if you look closely enough, scream out at you.

let's talk about it.

THE LAST OF US 2

"There is a common saying that if you seek revenge, you should dig two graves. Playing The Last of Us Part II is like being made to dig those graves with your teeth (Zacny)."

nd's 2022 the last of us part II is described down to the last letter in the above quote, albeit the game's utterly obvious israeli nature. in this post, the creator, rob zacny, goes on to discuss the game's theme of a "cycle of violence," and how the game reminds you in each grotesque encounter of the cruel ideology behind that. due to what occurs in the last of us 1, joel, basically, reaps what he sows when he is murdered for killing a surgeon who, along with the group said surgeon was a member of, the fireflies, was planning to perform surgery on ellie, who joel had since grown close to, in search of a cure for the infection that has plagued their world for decades. four years later, the second playable character in the game, who is introduced in the first half hour or so, abby anderson, kills joel to avenge the surgeon who was murdered, who happened to be her father. from then on, the game follows what, again, can only be described as a "cycle of violence." joel kills abby's dad, abby kills joel, ellie kills all of abby's friends, aims to kill abby in the final battle of the game, but spares abby when ellie's conscious morally attacks her for her decisions.

throughout the 24 odd hour gameplay, the player is allowed to play as ellie and abby, abby's parts of the game being arguably longer than ellie's. the idea this, i believe, is meant to introduce, is one of perspective: the player is meant to be loyal to joel miller once the first game has been finished, so when he is killed, they are inclined to make abby pay for it. however, abby's perspective, both in the past and as the present course of the game goes on, is meant to make the player understand why she did what she did. thus, the moral: there are no good guys in this game. every person is as equally bad as the following, and no one is innocent. however, when we consider the israeli-palestinian nature of this ideology and how it is presented in the last of us part 2, it simply doesn't work like this.

“I suspect that some players, if they consciously clock the parallels at all, will think The Last of Us Part II is taking a balanced and fair perspective on that conflict, humanizing and exposing flaws in both sides of its in-game analogues. But as someone who grew up in Israel, I recognized a familiar, firmly Israeli way of seeing and explaining the conflict which tries to appear evenhanded and even enlightened, but in practice marginalizes Palestinian experience in a manner that perpetuates a horrific status quo (Maiberg).”

when discussing the last of us part 2’s plot, one could 100% argue that there really aren’t good guys on the dual sides of the game. if you compare ellie and abby, you know that ellie went on a murder frenzy to get revenge on abby for killing joel. on abby’s side of it all, you know that abby wasn’t all that great before coming across lev and yara, and even then, she killed people to do what everyone in said world aims to do: survive. prior to finding lev and yara, abby had killed numerous people before, and did, as the player sees, handle joel very cruelly before she ended up killing him. here’s one more example, one that’s more random (but it’s simply to compare abby vs. ellie’s people, if you will): joel and manny. joel went on a cross country murder spree to keep ellie safe, and killed a building full of people at the end of the game to save her life. in regards to manny, if you recall a discussion that manny and mel had in the beginning of abby’s parts of the game, the pair are discussing a happening where a group aside from the wlf, the seraphites (which we will discuss later) attacked them because the wlf killed children who were a part of their (the seraphite’s) group. manny voiced how he would prefer to keep their people (the wlf) safe, and challenges mel, implying that those “kids” weren’t really kids, because they were the ones who attacked their guys (the wlf) in the first place. as a general consensus, manny kills several people throughout the course of the game, which can be inferred or seen by the player, making him, for the sake of what i’m getting at, a bad guy.

we see in the game how ellie and abby’s people are unanimously bad. the last of us is set in a world where laws and morals are thrown out the window for the sake of survival, so this is no surprise. however, this dual perspective, “no bad guy,” ideology simply doesn’t apply in the world today. you may compare ellie vs. abby, or joel vs. manny, or bring in more characters in the game, such as tommy, nora, etc, claiming that all parties are bad. that makes perfect sense. but think about it like this: if this is meant to represent the israeli-palestinian perspective, and i give you the scenario of a five-year-old child versus a full-grown IDF soldier, what would you say? isn’t there an obvious answer as to who is in the wrong and who’s not? maiberg is 100% right in claiming that the game marginalizes the real-life palestinian experience. abby, ellie, joel, manny, etc, are not real people. but the thousands of innocent children who have been killed for the ridiculousness and inhumane israeli regime are. you can’t say each side is equal in awfulness, not when one side is full of innocent men, women, and children, some of which could never make it into a year of their lives. not when if one side pauses their battle, there would be a ceasefire, but if the converse pauses their battle, they would all be dead.

“And then they cheered afterward,” Druckmann, who grew up in Israel, recalls. “It was the cheering that was really chilling to me. … In my mind, I thought, ‘Oh, man, if I could just push a button and kill all these people that committed this horrible act, I would make them feel the same pain that they inflicted on these people.’"

remember how i said discussing neil druckmann's background was crucial? it is. druckmann, who, again, was born in israel, told the Washington Post that the game's cynical themes of revenge and suffering is linked to the 2000 killing of two israeli soldiers (tw, lynching), who were killed by a mob (maiberg). allegedly, some of the incident was remembered in film, that druckmann watched, and in his interview, he explained his angry nature that came about in response to the video, and how he desired vengeance.

the last of us part 2 is mainly set in seattle, washington, where secondary main character, abby anderson, resides in with a militia group named the wlf (which we will also delve into later, alongside the seraphites). maiberg brings out how seattle, on a visual and mechanical level, is based around "a series of checkpoints, security walls, and barriers (Maiberg)." he notes: "[seattle] looks almost exactly like the tall, precast concrete barriers and watch towers Israel started building through the West Bank in 2000." here are side by side images for comparison:

now that we’ve discussed this, let us discuss one of most prevalent aspects of abby’s part of the story: the wlf, and the seraphites. the seraphites are a religious group, nicknamed “the scars” due to the scars the members of said group carve into their faces to display their membership, who the wlf, a makeshift militia group, runs into conflict with following the fall of FEDRA, the country’s former military. in a note in the game, a fedra commander explains that the city of seattle has been lost to the wolves (the wlf), who he names as terrorists. maiberg brings out the following: “Here, there are parallels to early Zionist organisations that fought British rule in the region. These organizations were also described as terrorists, and leaders of those organizations later became leaders in Israel, much like how Isaac, the leader of the Wolves, came to control Seattle. Other in-game notes, scenes of urban ambushes, and the bodies of executed FEDRA officers laboriously walk the player through the cliche "one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter (Maiberg).”

maiberg also discusses a series of manners in which the fictional seraphites resemble real-life palestinians. here are the three ways he specifically discusses in his original post, but there are much more:

“The same note from the Seattle FEDRA commander that bitterly says the Wolves are in charge explains that it's now their responsibility to not only feed and shelter the people of Seattle, but deal with the "religious fanatics," referring to the Scars.

Later in the game, Ellie finds a location called "Martyr Gate," where the Scars' spiritual leader apparently died, indicating a religious significance of a specific and disputed location, and emphasizing the notion of martyrdom as central to their culture.

The Scars are able to get around Wolf patrols and various barriers around the city via an elaborate, secret system of bridges between skyscrapers. These function as a kind of flipped version of the underground tunnels Palestinians use to bypass Israeli blockades and other means of limiting free movement in order to get supplies and carry out attacks on Israel.”

one more post i would like to link is this one, the very reason i decided to make this in the first place. it captures the zionism in the last of us 2, along with the wlf vs. seraphite conflict, perfectly. i very much recommend you read it, as it explains it much better than i can.

the general consensus is this: the idea that the seraphites are equally as bad as the wlf, which implies that palestinians are equally as bad as israelis, simply doesn’t apply in 2024. as i said before: what is so vile and cruel about a newborn baby? a pregnant woman? an innocent man? NOTHING. part of the reason the last of us captures this so poorly is due to the apocalyptic nature of the world the game is set in. obviously, people would go rogue if their lives were put in peril by not only animalistic infected beings, but also humans. however, we live in a real world where laws and morals do, in fact, apply. this isn’t a video game where those are simply discarded. what the wlf and the seraphites did to each other in the last of us 2 could be any other day for them: but what israel is doing to palestine right now is a war crime, a genocide, and plainly vile.

THE LAST OF US SHOW, and zionism in the show’s cast

i don’t think i need to spend a lot of time here, because if you have made it this far, you are well aware of the real nature of the last of us and the last of us 2 already, so you must understand that the show is HBO’s take on the game’s story (which, need i remind you show-wise and game-wise, neil druckmann played a huge part in). i simply bring it up so that people are aware of the fact that the 2022 show is ALSO linked to the ongoing genocide, and the cast is a major part of that (however, if anyone would like me to delve deeper into the show, let me know, and i 100% will).

for the following season which is a sequel to the last, theorized to center around the happenings of the last of us 2, members who are set to play a few crucial characters in the game have been announced. this includes isabela merced, who will play dina woodward, ellie’s romantic partner for most of the game, alongside kaitlyn dever, who will play abby anderson.

many people freaked out when they realized kaitlyn dever will be playing abby, but not for the reason they should have been. if you are a last of us fan, you are well aware that abby’s muscles are a central aspect of her persona. yet, kaitlyn dever is on the skinnier side, and according to some, does not resemble abby.

but this is not the issue that is most crucial to discuss.

kaitlyn dever is a zionist, and so is isabela merced (i am under the impression that both of these claims are true, but i had trouble finding a source i deemed reliable enough to link here. if i do, however, i will). now, while i’m not here to riddle you with conspiracy theories, people believe this (zionism) is the reason kaitlyn dever in specific got the role of abby anderson (there is a separate actress, shannon berry, who more closely resembles abby, but made a post in solidarity with palestine. this is theorized to be the reason why she didn’t get the part, and why kaitlyn dever was announced shortly after this particular actress made said post). let us not also forget that ellie’s actor, bella ramsey, is also in support of israel, which can be seen here.

(edit: i was informed since making this that bella has a story on one of their social medias, showing their alleged support of palestine and calling for a ceasefire. i’m going to link this post where i spoke on it, so you aware of what i think on that front).

all of the previously provided information brings me to my final part of this post: boycotting the games, and boycotting the show.

BOYCOTTING THE GAME AND SHOW

i could go on and on about why this is so crucial, but we would be here forever. however, i’m going to paste in what i wrote in this post surrounding the topic of boycotting, as i personally believe i got it down quite well in regards to the last of us (the show and game). it reads:

"DO NOT BUY TLOU, TLOU REMASTERED, TLOU2, TLOU2 REMASTERED, OR ANY GAME FROM ND! neil druckmann has donated money to the IDF in the past. & where do you think he’s getting his money from? yeah, you got that. watch gameplays, pirate these games, or buy them secondhand. several shops sell used games. & for those of you who went and purchased the game anyway, knowing about all of this? fuck you.

if you think your $10 doesn’t matter, then think about this: okay, one person spends $10 on the game. whatever. but when 100,000 people do it? that’s a million dollars, going into the hands of a zionist, who is using YOUR money to help kill innocent men, women, and children. put that in your pipe and smoke it.

it is not just the games you need to boycott. HBO’S show also needs to be. follow this link to learn of more movies and shows you need to boycott, & the reasons why, including the last of us. let’s also not forget that dina & abby’s actresses are in support of israel, and BELLA RAMSEY, ellie’s actress, has also shown support.

boycott. the fucking. show. there are a million websites where you can pirate it, so you are not giving any of your support to it. resist."

what it comes down to is this: purchasing the game or watching the show directly from nd or HBO is not a must. spreading awareness and speaking out about palestine is. you are more than capable of not purchasing the game, or watching playthroughs, or buying the game secondhand, etc. you are more than capable of pirating the hbo show so that money is not made off of your engagement. it's not that difficult. i have said it once, and i will say it again: boycotting is a form of resistance, and that is the least we can do for those suffering in gaza as you read this. resist. people openly admitting that they went and purchased the game anyway simply make me sick. i hope you know what an awful thing to brag about that is, and how despicable of a human it makes you.

CONCLUSION

there's so much to discuss when it comes down to this topic, and it's possible that in the future, i will make a second part to this. however, for now, i really hope this does suffice. i believe knowing of the game's israeli nature is a step. but knowing the specifics is a leap, one that i need everyone engaged in this fandom to take, hence why i wanted to make this post at all.

i'm not saying anyone needs to quit liking the games or the show or whatever. i'm not saying you need to delete or throw away a game you spent $60 on. i've seen so many people who are way too dense to understand that. what i'm saying is that it's crucial you are at least AWARE of the content you are consuming. aware of why it even came about at all.

in my opinion, you can't separate the game from the roots. but you can remain aware of the inner workings of this world you've grown to love. you can keep spreading awareness about it, and you can do right by the people in gaza by discussing the ongoing genocide, and using your voice as much as you can.

i'm so lucky to have been able to gain a following on here in such a short amount of time, even if that following has gone up and down because i've chosen to post more about palestine as opposed to my previous content (granted, that fact won't deter me at all). i will keep using said following to keep speaking out for the people in gaza, and i encourage you to do the same. keep reblogging. keep speaking up. keep using your voices. the people in gaza need us. be there for them.

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA, PALESTINE WILL BE FREE 🇵🇸🍉.

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

neil druckmann | the official the last of us podcast | the not so hidden israeli politics of the last of us 2, by emanuel maiberg (i highly recommend you read the full post. it discusses several crucial details i didn't discuss in this post) | galid shalit prisoner exchange | Neil Druckmann Speaking on the Washington Post | 2000 killing of two israeli soldiers (TW: LYNCHING) | 'The Last of Us Part II' Is a Grim and Bloody Spectacle, but a Poor Sequel | Veiling Colonial Violence: The Last of Us Part II, Israel and the Erasure of Power (full disclosure, i did not read the full post. i merely needed the quote in the very beginning of it) | zionism in tlou2 | isabela merced | kaitlyn dever | bella ramsey's support of israel

PALESTINE LINKS

—

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my Grandma I'm not going to have a specific conversation with her and just walking away?

So context, I (28) am currently between jobs because one of my ex-coworkers was the asshole who got me fired, and I haven't found anything new.

My mother (50) and I both live in my Grandma (80)'s house which is divided into an upstairs and a downstairs. Grandma lives in the downstairs. So do my mom and sister. I live alone in a two bedroom upstairs which belonged to my late aunt.

Right after my aunt died, I wanted to clean the apartment, organize, donate, toss, keep her stuff. To make sure everything gets where it'd ought best go, but my mother told me I had no right to go through my aunt's things alone and sort keepsake from takaway; if I was to do anything it was to be with her.

Well, three years of me trying to get my mom up here to sort through it with me because I want to respect her wishes, and my stuff accruing in a layer over top of my aunts stuff because I can't get rid of it, and the apartment is a lifetime and three years mess. My mom never made the time to do what she told me I wasn't allowed to do without her, me respecting these wishes which she probably doesn't even remember. I've been living up here too afraid of trespassing against my aunts memory to clean the cobwebs full of her red hair. Because my mother said, I had no right to do it.

And that cleaning anxiety is on top of executive dysfunction, depression, having too much shit, being a sprawler type adhd, and working a 40 h/week 'part-time' retail position. I didn't have it in me to clean by myself, and the mess kept getting worse and no one would substancially help me no matter how much I asked. Not my mom and not my sister (who gets a pass because she's got post-exertional malases from Long Covid).

Now fast foreward to two weeks ago. My mother final finds the motivation to clean the upstairs apartment because she's got a boyfriend now, and they wanna have sex upstairs where my grandma can't hear it. They didn't ask me if it was okay or anything: just decided that my space is now OUR space because it's convinent to her. I don't really care, and I'm annoyed, but finally someone to clean the fucking apartment with. She said, two weeks ago that he'd be coming around in about four months time. We spent the day getting a lot of cleaning done. Not anywhere near all of it, but a lot. And I've finally gotten what I see as permission to start sortitioning my aunts things. I'm pacing myself cleaning on that four month timetable.

And then today she bursts into the apartment to announce that BF will be here in a week, and she starts hauling major ass with my late aunt's heavy as shit sewing supplies. For my part, I vent the new timeline to my friends and then get to work cleaning my bedroom so I can move the stuff I have sprawled over the living room into my bedroom. Because my bedroom being messy is what's getting in my way the most.

When she's done hauling boxes, she goes to start cleaning the bathroom, and because she's in too much of a hurry on this new self-imposed and sprung upon me timeline, she hurts herself cleaning the toilet. Spasms her wrist, locks up her back. I help her downstairs but she's obviously done for the day, probably done for the week even. I get back to light cleaning with breaks, pacing myself to the new timeline I have to deal with. And I get a call from my grandma.

G: "Hey anon can you come down here." A: "I'll be down in a minute." I pull on pants and a shirt and head down.

And here we get to the key events all that context was building toward.

G: "What happened with your mom." A: "She hurt herself cleaning." G: "I know that, I mean why was she cleaning your apartment. You're an adult who's lived here for three years, and she's the only one working, and now she can't move. Why's the apartment you live in such a state that she needs to clean it for you."

Now, I know my grandma. A mule would be jealous of her stubborn demeanor. She's on an oxygen machine 24 hours a day and she still smokes two packs a week. You can't change her mind once she's made it up.

So I'm doing calculations in my head while she's laying into me, and I conclude she's made her mind up: She thinks I'm 100% in the wrong and nothing that came out my mouth would convince her that my mom is just as much an adult as I am who is responsible for her own decisions that got her to overworking when cleaning and hurting herself in the process, and also several inter-related key factors in why so much cleaning needs to be done on an 'oh fuck, immediately' timescale.

Doing the math makes me a bit angry, and I don't like the type of person I get to acting like when I'm angry, especially because anything I say will just make her more upset, so I say, "Grandma, I'm not going to have this conversation with you."

And I walk away. I leave while she yells at me to come back and let myself be yelled at. I'm angry, so I mindfully do not to slam her door on my way out and go back up stairs

After some scrumbling and a bit more light cleaning with breaks to pace myself, best I can, to this newly imposed and unreasonable timetable, my room is 90% clean and ready for me to put my stuff in it. And now that I'm not as angry anymore, I started to feel guilty that I didn't even try to explain anything to her. I just decided she'd made up her mind and made up mine to walk away without even trying. So, I typed this up to ask:

AITA for refusing to engage her in that conversation and just walking away?

What are these acronyms?

[pupyuj]

[cw: smut, thigh riding, fingering, edging]

I SAW YUJIN CLIPS FROM THE LATEST IVE ON AND I JUST HAD TO WRITE THIS‼️‼️ look at her... LOOK AT HERRRR 😩😩😩😩😩 (but not too much, she's my bf 😤)

college au where yujin is a cool and super smart biochem major that kinda gets too focused on her studies that she doesn't really notice you sometimes, which only makes you feel super needy bcs you really miss ur clingy gf but her having tons of workload changed everything in your relationship 💔 but it's not too much of a bad thing! yujin still finds comfort in knowing that you're around her while she's doing work, she can just grab you and hug you if she's feeling like she's sinking way too low into exhaustion — you're her little energizer!! 🥺 but sometimes a hug ain't enough for you :((

one day you're just walking around her room, looking at the polaroids on the wall, the picture frames on her table, the books on her bookshelves... eventually getting bored and just sitting beside yujin on the bed who, as usual, had her eyes clued to her laptop typing away what seems to be her sixth paper of the day??? "baby, aren't you tired?" you were pouting, and a frown only grew on your face when yujin shook her head, but you can see the tired look in her eyes and the way she has slouched over :(( "liar." you muttered before crawling around and settling yourself behind your girlfriend. she was about to complain until you put your hands on her shoulders and started massaging her gently,,

"you're the best, i swear." yujin sighs in bliss, finally releasing the tension on her back,, you hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek, earning a pat on the arm and a sweet smile before she focused on her screen again,,, seriously, she cannot take a hint 😭 you ended up giving her tons of kisses!! from her cheeks, to her temples, to her hair, to her nape, and then to her neck.. where she of course stopped ignoring you anymore after you've snuck your cold hands underneath her sweater, feeling her stomach... "(y/n)... okay, get on here." she finally says!!

making out with yuj on her lapppp 😵‍💫 her closing her laptop from behind you before putting her hands all over you :(( good thing you wore short and thin shorts today bcs you wouldn't feel yujin sneaking her thigh in between your legs and pulling you down so you could press your core against her :((( bucking your hips slowly while she kissed your neck, whispering things to you to get you even more wet,, "you've been a bit lonely, haven't you, babe? don't worry. tonight's gonna be all about you," and "i really did miss you too... i'll show you just how much, 'kay?" omgomg her looking up at you with a big smile, she looked so cute with those big glasses perched on her nose you couldn't help but kiss her again :((((

yujinnie fucking you while you're wearing only her shirt 😩 clutching onto her sweater while she spreads your cunt with her fingers,, she can't stop kissing you too!! she has already left so many marks on you and she only continues to leave more,, she has to let people know you're her baby!! 😤

whining when she pulls her fingers out of you just when you're about to come :(( "i want you to come on my thigh, baby. ride." she tells you while licking your wetness off her fingers,, it was the most attractive thing you've seen 😵‍💫 sihsdkjf yujin grabbing your hips and pressing her thigh against your wet pussy, starting you off in a moderate pace and only letting you go after you were riding her yourself,,, so fast and so desperate to come,,, moaning her name over and over the closer you get to your climax,,, but she rips it away again when she forces you off her thigh :((

"y-yujin-ah, please... i need you, let me come..." you knew yujin had a thing for you begging but you hated the edging part, especially during this time!!!

"right now? but we have the whole night..." yujin wasn't a monster, of course. she'll let you come early, she just thinks you look so cute when you're needy like this 😣😣 it was specially entertaining for her when you didn't even try to beg anymore and just grabbed her hand and put it close to your pussy, looking at her with a pleading look and a pout :((( how could she ever say no to her pretty baby??

yujin sliding her fingers back inside you,, thrusting into you at an insane pace but you're also riding her :(( tears rolling down your cheeks while you hugged her, rocking your hips like crazy on her hand,,, no doubt her dorm mate can hear you from the next room but neither of you really cared,, yujin does three things that made you lose your head: she plunged her fingers inside you as deep as she could, pressed her thumb against your clit, and bite your neck,,, you screamed her name as you came,, making a mess on her hand and her legs 😵‍💫😵‍💫

your cunt still on her bare thigh while you're coming down from your high shsdcdnkhs yujinnie slowly moving her leg so she could still stimulate you,,, laughing at your soft whines and patting your ass,, she would let you rest now but as soon as you've recovered.. 🫣

[tlouxx]

Electromagnetism - p. 2

~ ellie williams x reader

——————————————————————————

part one | part three <3

synopsis: you and ellie williams have been long time rivals. you're a physics majors at wellesley college, and you’re competing for the same spot in the prestigious dr. ramsey’s lab as ellie. suddenly neither of you can escape the other as you’re both trying to navigate your final year of college.

content: college!ellie, mean!ellie, modern au, academic rivals to lovers, forced proximity, swearing, banter, eventual smut i swear, tensions rising between ellie and reader

——————————————————————————

Day 22

PHYS 302: Quantum Mechanics 

It’s only a few weeks into the semester, and this class is already demanding way too much of my time. Ellie and I are still sitting next to one another. I think both of us are too proud to move. Our first exam is coming up in less than a week, and to say I'm nervous is an understatement. I can tell Ellie is stressed out about it too. She’s been studying every free second, biting her nails down to a nub, and she wore that same shirt yesterday. Not that I’m keeping track! We are spending a significant amount of time together between our class schedule and work. I guess you begin to notice little details about someone when you’re with them almost everyday. Even if it isn’t by choice. 

…

I can’t think straight. So many variables are swirling around in my thoughts. Ellie. My increasing anxiety. This exam. Being the best at what I do. The professor lecturing is only background noise to the ardent contemplation of the current state of my life. Quite   frankly I’m struggling to understand what a quantum state is or why I should care about it. I’m only brought back to reality when I realize that Dr. L is talking to me. 

“Are you listening?” 

“I’m sorry. Can you repeat the question?”

“Can anyone else tell me what the variables are that define the quantum state of a system?” 

Ellie quickly speaks up, “Compatible and Incompatible.”

“Correct, Miss Williams.” Dr. L glares at me as she turns back around to the dusty chalkboard. 

…

I want to throw my head down against the desk. I knew that, and now I’ve made myself look like a fool in front of the class. I’m just so distracted by Ellie lately. Ever since she got in my face and said she intended to get the same lab position I’ve been dying to have, I feel frozen in time. I knew she wanted it, but it’s real now that she’s said it out loud. Getting into Dr. Ramsey’s lab could mean I have a fighting chance at grad school or even a future in research. It’s fucking important to me. It occurs to me that maybe Ellie and I could have an alliance. After all the saying goes, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. 

…

In the corner of my eye, I see Ellie chewing on her pencil. She’s studying again while I’m stuck explaining basic calculus to a freshman. It’s 8:07 p.m. Only 23 minutes till the end of my shift, but I tell her anyway that we’re closed for the night. I needed to escape the monotony of derivatives and integrals. 

Ellie’s head lifts up as she hears me escort the girl out the door. It seems I piqued her curiosity, “Why did you tell her we’re closed?” 

“She’s going to fail calculus with or without my help." I slump back in my chair knowing I'm barely conscious from my lack of sleep. "I’m just exhausted today. I don’t want to explain integrals again.” 

A smile appears on Ellie’s face. She looks down at her hands before looking up at me again. I think I almost made her laugh. 

“Trust me. I heard you explain it to her multiple times. I get it.” 

Before I know it, a smile is materializing on my face too. I laugh knowing we have a mutual understanding. To be honest, Ellie kinda intimidates me. Maybe that's why when I’m around her it makes my body feel like it’s on fire. I can hear my heart pumping as she starts to move in closer to me ever so slightly. I know she’s waiting for me to say something else. Maybe I should say something else. I hope she doesn't notice how I choke on my words as I try to speak.

… 

“Um, while we’re uh talking… I was just wondering how you felt about the exam on Friday.” 

Ellie settles into her seat. Confidence seeps out of every pore of her body. I watch as she sets down the pencil she was once chewing on. “It’ll be easy. Maybe not for you, but it will be for me.” 

“Sure… Ellie." I mirror her position. Trying to emulate the confidence she exudes. "I was just going to offer you some study tips in case you needed them.” I remark back at her. 

She leans forward in her chair. Without warning, the air between us seems to thicken. “You could barely keep up today in class. I certainly don’t need any of your help.” 

I lean forward too. “Really? Because I think that you’re studying every second you get because you know I’m better than you."

I stand up, and walk toward Ellie. As I begin to close the space between us, Ellie lifts herself out of her seat. She almost looks like she can't believe I'm saying this "..and you can’t stand the thought of it.”

Ellie looks like she's about to say something. Her mouth opens but closes. She turns around and opens up her bookbag. I watch as she rips a piece of paper out of a notebook. She writes something down.

She turns back around with a paper crumbled in her hand. Ellie inches toward me just like she did on our first night working together. My breath catches in my throat as my mouth goes dry. She pushes the piece of paper into my chest as I stumble backward. 

She swivels on her foot and begins to pack up her things. I grab the paper and look at it. She remarks “It's my number for when you realize you’re the one who needs my help.” 

… 

As I walk out of work, the cold of the night makes goosebumps appear all over my arms. I am still in shock of what just happened. Ellie pushes past me and into the emerging nightfall. Her perfume lingers behind. She smells of mint and eucalyptus. Not wanting to disturb her, I continue walking a few paces behind her.

My head feels clouded. I feel overwhelmed by all of the thoughts spinning around in my head. Did she seriously just do that? 

The moon brightens up the night sky as Ellie exits my view. My apartment building is only a few blocks away. I need to tell someone else about what happened tonight. I pull my phone out of my back pocket to text Dina. 

8:33 P.M 

you will never guess what just happened to me tonight 

D: What??! Spill please!

Well... I asked Ellie about the exam in 302 and she basically said it’d be easy for her, but not me. So i said well maybe i could give you tips so you wouldn’t have to study every second of the day. then she gave me her number?!!! and said to text her when i realize that i am the one that needs help??

D: oh my fucking god. 

isn’t she crazy? 

D: I mean.. I think you both are.

D: but i’m curious if that’s her real number? 

D: send it to me and i’ll let you know. 

you have her number?

D: we might’ve exchanged numbers at some point..

???

D" well…. we kissed once or twice. 

D: but we're not talking anymore 

omg. DINA! why didn’t you tell me!!! 

D: I thought you'd be mad and it was casual!!

D: send me the number!!! 

I threw my phone onto my bed after I sent the number over to Dina. I doubt Ellie would give me her real number. She probably just wanted to fuck with me. Not that it matters if its real or not.. I wouldn’t text her anyway. 

I’m disappointed that Dina didn’t feel like she could tell me about her and Ellie. I’m supposed to be there for her like she has been for me. I let this stupid rivalry get in the way of our friendship. Although when I look back on it, I don’t think they tried to hide it either. Maybe I’ve been too caught up in the fact that she was my nemesis to realize that Ellie and Dina were practically sitting on top of each other at parties or both missing at the same time. How could I have been so naïve to miss this?? My phone vibrates on my comforter. I feel my stomach drop. I’m not sure I even want to know. I open my messages with one eye open.

8:47 P.M. 

yep. that's ellie’s number. 

… 

Day 26

PHYS 302 : Quantum Mechanics 

The sun is shining in through the cracks of my blinds. My eyes are barely open. I feel the fatigue wash over me. The warmth of my bed is all-encompassing, but I know I have to pull the covers aside. My legs feel like lead as I walk into the bathroom to brush my teeth. The darkness under my eyes looks deeper than usual. I pulled an all-nighter studying for the exam today. I’m debating if I have enough time to run to the coffee shop down the street. I’m in desperate need of caffeine. 

I end up walking to get coffee.I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my eyes open without it. The wind is starting to have a chill to it as summer slowly bleeds away. The bell rings as I walk in the door. This is the coffee shop I originally met Dina in. Her hair was shorter then. Our friendship continued to develop the more and more I came here. Then we found out we were working together at the tutoring center, and well the rest is history. 

…

Walking into class with my iced latte in hand, I see Ellie. Her hair looks more disheveled than usual and her clothes wrinkled. Maybe I’m not the only one who pulled an all-nighter. 

I’m not sure if the caffeine is helping me or just making my anxiety worse. Despite my fear that I may not have studied enough, I feel confident. I tell myself today is going to be the day I’ll be setting the curve. Not Ellie. Staying up all night is going to be goddamn worth it when I see that smirk Ellie wears off her face. 

I look over at her as I sit down. She’s still biting her nails, but she doesn’t look at me. 

I shift my body to look at her. She finally looks up from her notes. I whisper to her “Goodluck Ellie.” 

Ellie looks at me and winks. She is wearing her exhaustion on her face, but her self-assurance is ever-present, “Goodluck to you too, sweetheart.” 

I turn back around seething. The heat is rising to my cheeks, but I don’t have time to think further because Dr. L starts handing out our exams. I’m ready for it.

… 

I’ve been anxiously pacing my room. Biting my nails even. I think Ellie is rubbing off on me. I dismiss the thought of becoming more like Ellie. The grades are going to be out tonight in 20 minutes. I continue walking back and forth on the hardwood floors of my room. I need to distract myself for just a little while longer. Instead, I keep brooding over my conversations with Ellie and the moment this exam score will come out. 

Only a few minutes are left until the email will pop up in my inbox. I spend this time running over the exam in my head again. I’m pretty confident I answered everything correctly. Well maybe except for question 25, but I think I’m overthinking it.

My laptop pings, and I know it’s the results. My hands are damp as I lift open the screen. The subject line reads Exam Results. I click on the link 

9:30 P.M. 

Subject : Exam Results 

Congratulations, 

You’ve received the top grade on exam one with a score of 100%. Take pride in this! 

Sincerely, 

Dr. L 

… 

I am buzzing with excitement. I shoot up out of my seat and sigh with relief knowing my hard work was worth it. I subconsciously start thinking of Ellie. How she feels in this moment knowing that I did better than her. I take pleasure in thinking that she’s jealous of me. Thinking of me right now too. I catch sight of Ellie’s note crumpled up on my desk. Before I know it, her number is in my phone, and I’m typing out a text to her. 

9:32 P.M. 

Need my tips now Ellie?

[loukaiitis]

Notes and Journal Entries by Kip Kinkel

A compilation of writings by Kip Kinkel. This is for informational and educational purposes only. Post is below the cut.

Disclaimer: the majority of his writing pieces (that have been released to the public) are only available in a typed transcript format, provided by PBS. Because of this, I am only able to include a few images of the original writing. This post will be updated if any new images come out!

Journal Entry by Kip:

"I sit here all alone. I am always alone. I don't know who I am. I want to be something I can never be. I try so hard every day. But in the end, I hate myself for what I've become.

Every single person I know means nothing to me. I hate every person on this earth. I wish they could all go away. You all make me sick. I wish I was dead.

The only reason I stay alive is because of hope. Even though I am repulsive and few people know who I am, I still feel that things might, maybe, just a little bit, get better.

I don't understand any fucking person on this earth. Some of you are so weak, mainly, that a four year old could push you down. I am strong, but my head just doesn't work right. I know I should be happy with what I have, but I hate living.

Every time I talk to her, I have a small amount of hope. But then she will tear it right down. It feels like my heart is breaking. But is that possible. I am so consumed with hate all of the time. Could I ever love anyone? I have feelings, but do I have a heart that's not black and full of animosity?

I know everyone thinks this way sometimes, but I am so full of rage that I feel I could snap at any moment. I think about it everyday. Blowing the school up or just taking the easy way out, and walk into a pep assembly with guns. In either case, people that are breathing will stop breathing. That is how I will repay all you mother fuckers for all you put me through.

I feel like everyone is against me, but no one ever makes fun of me, mainly because they think I am a psycho. There is one kid above all others that I want to kill. I want nothing more than to put a hole in his head. The one reason I don't: Hope. That tomorrow will be better. As soon as my hope is gone, people die.

I ask myself why I hate more than anyone else. I don't know. But my head and heart want him dead. He only knows who I am through reputation, and I know he is scared of me. He should be. One bad day, and there will be a sawed off shotgun in his face or five pounds of Semtex under his bed.

Oh fuck. I sound so pitiful. People would laugh at this if they read it. I hate being laughed at. But they won't laugh after they're scraping parts of their parents, sisters, brothers, and friends from the wall of my hate.

Please. Someone, help me. All I want is something small. Nothing big. I just want to be happy.

End. New day. Today of all days, I ask her to help me. I was shot down. I feel like my heart has been ripped open and ripped apart. Right now, I'm drunk, so I don't know what the hell is happening to me.

It is clear that no one will help me. Oh God, I am so close to killing people. So close.

I gave her all I have, and she just threw it away. Why? Why did God just want me to be in complete misery? I need to find more weapons. My parents are trying to take away some of my guns! My guns are the only things that haven't stabbed me in the back.

My eyes hurt. They hurt so bad. They feel like they are trying to crawl out of my head. Why aren't I normal? Help me. No one will. I will kill every last mother fucking one of you. The thought of you is still racing in my head. I am too drunk to make sense.

Every time I see your face, my heart is shot with an arrow. I think she will say yes, but she doesn't, does she? She says, "I don't know". The three most fucked up words in the English language.

I want you to feel this, be this, taste this, kill this. Kill me. Oh God, I don't want to live. Will I see it to the end? What kind of dad would I make? All humans are evil. I just want to end the world of evil.

I don't want to see, hear, speak or feel evil, but I can't help it. I am evil. I want to kill and give pain without a cost. And there is no such thing. We kill him - we killed him a long time ago. Anyone that believes in God is a fucking sheep.

If there was a God, he wouldn't let me feel the way I do. ....Love isn't real, only hate remains. Only hate."

Essay about love, written by Kip

"Love Sucks

No, I don't believe in love at first sight because love is an evil plot to make people buy alcohol and firearms. When you love someone something it is always taken away from you. I also would like to add that I hate each and every one of you. Because everything I touch turns to shit. I think if you think you fall in love with someone at first sight it might just be lust. Love at first sight is only in movies. Where the people in the movies are better than you. That is why you go to a pone [pawn] shop and buy an AK-15 because you are going to execute every last mother fucking one of you. If I had a heart it would be gray.

It is easier to hate than love. Because there is much more hate and misery in the world than there is love and peace. Some people say that you should love everyone. But that is impossible. Look at our history it is full of death, depression, rape, wars and diseases. I also do not believe in love at first sight. But I do believe in hate at first sight. Therefore love is a much harder feeling to experience."

Monologue written by Kip for a homework assignment. This monologue was written for the character Tybalt of Romeo and Juliet.

"But you know me, I loathe all of them. I am no longer blind in my hatred, I can see with my hate. Blood will flow until they are all dead. This was the first moment in my life where I had taken the life of another. I loved it. It dispelled all the anger and animosity I was feeling."

Note written by Kip, confessing to the murder of his parents. This was found on a coffee table in the living room of the Kinkel's home.

"I have just killed my parents! I don't know what is happening. I love my mom and dad so much. I just got two felonies on my record. My parents can't take that! It would destroy them. The embarrassment would be too much for them. They couldn't live with themselves. I'm so sorry. I am a horrible son. I wish I had been aborted. I destroy everything I touch. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I didn't deserve them. They were wonderful people. It's not their fault or the fault of any person, organization, or television show. My head just doesn't work right. God damn these VOICES inside my head. I want to die. I want to be gone. But I have to kill people. I don't know why. I am so sorry! Why did God do this to me. I have never been happy. I wish I was happy. I wish I made my mother proud. I am nothing! I tried so hard to find happiness. But you know me I hate everything. I have no other choice. What have I become? I am so sorry"

A concerning note written by Kip on a Spanish worksheet

Another concerning note by Kip

"Respect Sheet" filled out by Kip

[ddejavvu]

Would you be willing to write a pstar!Eddie Munson hurt/comfort bit. Where he finally confesses his feelings because he’s pretty sure you like him too, but his nervous smile falls because you start crying. And you say you do love him, but he doesn’t want you. Which he thinks is crazy, because Eddie’s ever the romantic, saying if you two love each other, nothing else matters. But reader thinks they may be asexual/are at least unsure about sex, and obviously that’s Eddie’s fucking career. But with a happy ending for the two of them? 🥺 sorry I hope this is okay!

today is multiverse monday! send me any au you can think of :)

this post is 18+, minors dni. (for dynamic purposes, this does not contain any smut).

Eddie's not understanding. He doesn't get it, he doesn't comprehend what you mean. He's sitting there, looking for all the world like a kicked puppy, insisting that he doesn't care, that it doesn't change the way he feels about you. Doesn't conflict with it.

But how could it not? He's a porn star, he makes his living jamming his dick into places you're not comfortable with him jamming it on you. And what kind of relationship would that be? He's fucking other people but he can't fuck you? You can't imagine him content with that.

"You're not understanding," Eddie urges, his hands knotted in his hair at his scalp, "I don't care. Sex isn't important, I'm not interested in you for your body. I could care less if we fucked. I- I mean, it wouldn't be a bad thing, but there's a million other things we could do instead. Like- like go on a date, read together, get breakfast, I don't care!"

"But it is important, Eddie! It's your career, it's a major part of your life! I don't think you'd be starring in pornos if you didn't like sex!"

"Yeah, okay, I like sex, it feels nice. But does a bath, and I'd still date you if you preferred showers!"

"This isn't about baths or showers, Eddie! This is about sex! Gross, sweaty, up-close-and-personal, nauseating, sticky sex!"

"I know! I know it is," Eddie stands, hands slapping his sides exasperatedly, "And I'm telling you, it's okay. You don't like sex, we don't have to have it. It- it makes you uncomfortable, I get it! And I won't ask you to. But you're acting like I'm made of it, like there's no possible way we could ever work because you're not into it. I'm telling you over and over again that I don't want to be with you to have sex with you, I want to be with you to love you. That's all I want!"

"But your job-"

"Is that. A job. Do you think that mechanics rule out a partner if they don't have a car? Do you think firemen reject ladies if they're fire-safe? My job isn't my life, and I don't need to bring it home if you don't like it. And- and if it makes you uncomfortable to be with me while that's my job, then I'll quit. I'll work at a grocery store, or something. Something with less sex."

You can't help but chuckle, even if you're trying to remain strong.

"Less sex?" You look up at him through dewy eyes, "I don't think there's any sex involved with working at the grocery store."

He grins; he knows he's won.

He sits beside you again on the bed, the mattress bouncing under his weight, "Well, I dunno. There's a lot of phallic objects in the produce section. Bananas, cucumbers, eggplants. Come to think of it, I've heard some weird things about eggs themselves, and-"

"Eddie! Gross," Your face scrunches into a grimace, but a laugh reaches his ears that eases away the last bit of despair from his chest, "You're really not doing a good job pitching sex to me."

"I'm not pitching it to you!" He insists, "It's not your thing, I'm not self-absorbed enough to think I could change that. And I don't want to. I'm agreeing with you," He takes your hand, squeezing it tight, "Sex is gross."

A moment of silence passes between you two that Eddie fills with a brush of his thumb over the back of your hand. It's noiseless, of course, but it speaks.

"Come on. Let's try a date, okay? I'll take you out to dinner, somewhere nice. And we won't get salads. I'm sure cucumber is anything but appealing to you now."

"Very," Your nose wrinkles, and he smooths the line out with his own nose. His breath fans over your face as he butts his nose into your own, and his pretty brown eyes merge into one at the close proximity. Slowly but surely, a smile grows over your face, one that makes him giddy beyond reason. When you finally nod he feels it against his face, and he has the sudden, strange urge to press your smiles together, fit them like puzzle pieces until your teeth clack.

Instead he stands, pulling you up on your own feet.

"Breakfast for dinner? There's a pancake joint ten minutes away. No eggs, though, 'promise."

[hopelessdazai]

Hello I found your blog recently and I love your writing 😍

I was wondering if you cold write about Dazai and Chuuya with reader got a terrible day at work (sad, upset, angry... The kind of days your u just say fck it all and go home), and when they get home the slightest thing annoyed them, it's the last straw and they lash out Dazai/Chuuya. But reader realises they said mean thing they didn't mean and are truly sorry? May or may not have nsfw elements (your call). I know it's oddly specific I just had a terrible week at work.... Need some comfort ><

hii! I did this as a dazai x reader for you if that's okay, and I hope your situation gets better!!

a rehabilitated despondency.

contents ; dazai x reader, fem reader, yelling, slightly angsty at some parts but it ends fluffy.

you just wanted to get home and rest, with the majority of the world testing your patience, there was nothing you would've loved more then to go home and simply relax.

but relaxing isn't a popular hobby when you have such a boyfriend as dazai osamu.

"you're home! you're home! oh I missed you, so so so so so so much!"

he bounds up to you, practically the same as an eager puppy, wrapping his arms around you and naturally bouncing up and down with you in his arms.

"dazai- please, let me sit down-.." your voice must've unheard of, as he kisses you and spins you in circles. you'd already been hot and bothered by today, and this certainly wasn't helping.

"for fucks sake, osamu. if you don't get off me.." you mumble, your voice a threatening sort of tone. he doesn't listen, cupping your cheeks and chubbing them together.

"ohhh~ is my poor little grumpy girlfriend maaad~? you're like a cute little puppy!"

you knew it wasn't his fault. and as much as you could blame yourself, you were overwhelmed. so you couldn't exactly help it when you lost your patience, your hands roughly clasping at his wrists to pull them off your face.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

you can physically see him deflate, the tone in your voice was more then the usual banter you had. a look in his eyes that was both unreadable and full of an almost hurt ounce of betrayal. he's almost waiting for another word from you as his hands fall to his sides.

"shit, no.. dazai, I'm sorry. just listen, I had a really bad day. it's not.." your breath hitches as you feel tears well in your eyes. was this even a redeemable thing? he shakes his head.

"no- no, [name], I'm sorry. I didn't listen." He sighs, swallowing a little from nerves and exhaling slowly, his fingers figiting with each other. "I should've given you time to relax. I'll let you be alone."

you shake your head, almost frantically, hugging him tightly and immediately beginning to cry as soon as your body latches with his. he returns the embrace, his hands finding your hair to weave his fingers through.

"I'm so sorry." you whisper. dazai lifts you and gently kisses the crown of your head, carrying you to the couch and sitting you both down gently, you fall into his lap. you apologise again, repeating the words over and over.

"[name.]" He says, almost sternly. you look at him, closing each eye as he wipes the tears off your face. "it's not your fault. I'm not upset with you, you had a stressful day. okay? I'm not mad." he whispers, you bury yourself into him.

"let's just forget about it, okay? rest. we can get takeout or something, does that sound nice?" He looks at you so lovingly, you nod. you'd fix yourself. just glad he didn't leave you.

"alright, I love you." He gently cups your cheek, kissing you in a way that means love. you kiss him back.

"I love you too."

- zai

[anonymous-dentist]

Cellbit x Roier partners in crime mayb?? As a treat?!? /lh

WB0092 really should've expected to get murdered at work today. That's just kinda the week it's been. But, no, it volunteered to go help set up Halloween decorations, and now it's getting murdered.

It doesn't hurt that bad, luckily. Part of the Federation's generous health insurance policy is the numbing of most of the major nerve endings, that way its workers can't feel pain. How thoughtful!

But, really, a knife? Really? How cliche...

Its murderer is exactly who it thought it would be: Mister Cellbit, of the Census Bureau. He's furious: with every stab of his dagger into WB0092's stomach, he swears at it and insults it and says all sorts of nasty things. Rude!

WB0092 is one of the workers fortunate enough to understand Portuguese (a real rarity, it turns out), so it can understand Mister Cellbit as he spits in its face and snarls, "How the fuck are you so calm? Scream!"

WB0092 can't scream. It doesn't know how.

It stares placidly into Mister Cellbit's face as the knife in its gut twists. It almost feels like butterflies, how lovely. Death is on the horizon, and WB0092 has butterflies in its stomach.

A familiar call comes from behind a nearby building, and WB0092 reckons that Mister Cellbit also has butterflies in its stomach because around the corner comes his husband with a picnic basket slung over his arm.

"You forgot to pack knives, pendejo," 037 huffs. He flops both the basket and himself down by WB0092's dying body dramatically. "I'm not using my bare teeth."

"Why not?" Mister Cellbit asks. "It's easier."

WB0092 can't agree, mostly because it lost its mouth when it signed that contract.

"Maybe, but we don't have a dentist on the island," 037 replies. "If I break a tooth, then what?"

Mister Cellbit reaches over WB0092's exposed intestinal tract to lightly grab 037's knee, reassuring. Awww...!

"I would get you a new tooth," he sweetly says.

037 gasps and flutters his eyelashes. "Really?"

And then he rolls his eyes and lightly smacks his husband's forearm, picking up blood as he removes his hand.

"Who would put it in, eh?" he scoffs. He opens the picnic basket and pulls out a... much less foreboding knife than Mister Cellbit's. Where did he get it, Costco? "You can use your teeth. I will use a knife."

Mister Cellbit shrugs. "Suit yourself."

And then he pulls the knife out of WB0092's gut and plunges it into its throat.

At least death is dark. Really, WB0092 was started to get sick of all the white.

[neuroticboyfriend]

the thing with the pysch system that i think a lot of ppl don't get is that it isn't a case of "this works for some people but not for others". it's more of a "this rarely fully works for anyone, and the rest end up severely traumatised, possibly even worse than they were before".

like it isn't the same as something like, idk, mindfulness, which is something that is super beneficial for some peopels mental health but just doesn't work for some.

psychiatry actively harms more people than it helps. and that's why it's not a good or effective system. it's not just "eh this didn't work for me", most of the time it's "this has given me even more major trauma".

(i hope this makes sense. im antipsych/incredibly pysch critical if that part didn't come across well)

exactly!! and i feel like those who it did work for are wildly over represented. like, i have been in the psych system for over half my life now. i have been through over 35 professionals, and i have met countless patients, both in the clinics and hospitals etc., and outside them. ...i have not met a single fucking person who hasn't been abused, neglected, or traumatized by the system. not one. i cannot tell you one good story, just one story, where harm wasn't committed or ignored.

also, about mindfulness, that's also a concept that greatly predates psychiatry and psychology as we know it today. i think another thing about these practices is that they so heavily pervert concepts and techniques that have genuinely helped people. like, humans have been being mindful, sensory soothing, creating medicines, etc. for millenia. there's nothing inherently wrong with that.. but there is something deeply wrong with the oppressive power and stigmatizing ideology behind psychiatry and psychology. yet, people see the coping skills humans have just been doing for ages inside this psych bullshit and think these systems must be good.

[imthepunchlord]

How do you feel about the new Indigo Disk mons? Personally I think Hydrapple is sick as fuck.

Sorry for the wait! Was at work all day.

This answer will be under cut due to spoilers as it came out today.

I'm going to get these guys out of the way real quick cause I don't have a lot to say about them. In general, I am not a fan of robots/mechas, and Violet's Paradox pokemon, to me, are boring as it's the same mon but robot. Actually seeing them go robotic is what had me decide to get Scarlet over Violet. Only thing that tempted me was that Miraidon looked better for bike lizard, but the majority of the Paradox mons I just didn't like. I think only other I liked was Iron Thorns, but not enough to get it.

Of the... Iron Justice Trio (?), I actually like Iron Crown and Leaves the most.

Of the Justice Trio, Virizion is the one I liked the most. Iron Leaves doesn't do much to improve them, but I kinda like it cause I like Virizion the most of the trio.

Iron Crown for me actually improves Cobalion for me. In some shots in the trailer, it actually looks majestic and fierce. I think with this, they were just able to polish the design better cause Cobalion to me just... always looked awkward. Like, it has blocky noodle legs. I don't like it. And by the lighting it looks like it's wearing a skintight jumpsuit and I don't like that. So, yeah, Iron Crown really improves and polishes up Cobalion's design. At least for me.

Iron Boulder is just... meh. I don't really care for Terakion (similar issue to Cobalion in that it's just kinda awkward) and I wasn't expecting too much.

Walking Wake I actually wasn't too crazy about initially.

I will say, a big part of it was that I was salty we didn't get that sketch. I really liked the look of this thing. It looks like something you would ride into battle and it'd be epic.

And then we got Walking Wake and it's like, oh.... ok.

But WW has grown on me, but if I had to pick between it or Suicune, I'd go with Suicune. It's not my favorite of the Paradox Beast Trio. Maybe it's making that shift of going onto two legs that throws me while the other two stay on four, so it's not so jarring? Idk.

Raging Bolt I liked more than Walking Wake, I think it's just so silly I can't help but kinda love it. It may be my fav of the trio.

I do wish they picked a color to stick with. It's kinda messy with the red and the blue, and there are others in agreement. Some artist even go with blue over the red.

Gouging Fire, initially, I want to say I like what I see.

But it's also kinda busy, so I'm in that spot where I kinda like it but I'm also unsure. Maybe I just need to see them in the game and how they move.

Duraladon I didn't really like, so Archaludon does nothing for me. When I first saw it, I wasn't even sure what I was looking at or knew where to rest my eye. So it's a mon I'm never going to use.

By leaks and rumors, Hydrapple was a pokemon I was excited to see, and I gotta say, I do like it. In general, I love the Applin line, it's such a cute punny pokemon.

It makes me wish Flapple and Appletun got an evo too, cause they feel like 2nd stage pokemon and could go further. Like, Appletun could've gone draconic turtle apple pie thing, and Flapple could've gone farther as a wyvern. Maybe one day.

Honestly, only thing that's disappointing is that it turns out those rumors were wrong and it's not our first Bug/Dragon. So, not yet sadly. But I am looking forward to trying it one day.

Terapagos was the legendary I was most intrigued with. And then I saw the apparent true form in the anime.

Yeah I'm... I'm not crazy about it. My interest kinda dropped a little. The head is cute, but the rest of the body makes it look like some weird poodle. I like this form much more and I rather they stuck with it as the true form.

I also saw that Terapagos has another Tera form, which so far, I can't find an image of it to share but I have caught glimpses, and atm, until I can get a good look, I have no idea what I'm really looking at. There's a lot of visual noise with that Tera form so I haven't really processed it yet in the bit I've seen.

Lastly, Pecharunt, I can't quite tell what I'm looking at yet. A butterfly??? I'm not sure. Supposedly this corrupted the "Loyal" Three, and is the true mastermind, or so I've heard. But of what I see doesn't impress me or interest me as much. It may be a matter I just need to look at it when there's better quality images and footage out.

So for me, with the Indigo Disk, new mon wise is probably a positive but mixed bag. There are some I like, and some I don't.

[apolloanddaphnis]

Amberline

Disclaimer: This story is going to be dedicated to a very good friend of mine, why she thinks I'm good enough to let me write a character for her, I dunno.

This a Kyle Scheible x OC, there's definitely smut, adult situations, all high school characters are portrayed by adults. There's mention of eating disorder.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Part I

Sacramento High School was no longer a public school.

This year it was changed to a charter due to its very low performance.

To be honest, this town is now poor or rich, and I fall into the latter as my mother loves to remind me. It's why I've been babysitting since I was twelve, and why this past summer I was working at a doughnut stand at a fair, and this school year I'll be working at Blockbusters.

College doesn't pay for itself, and mom made it no secret that she wasn't going to donate one red cent, why should she even though my babysitting and doughnut money go toward the nice apartment we live in and toward her payments for her Lexus she can hardly afford.

I don't even have a car, and does she ever drive me to work or school? No, it's my bicycle or a bus.

She's one of those southern women that always drone on about earning things, telling me life ain't easy and I best get a grasp of that early, especially since I'll be joining the rich kids of Sacramento for my senior year.

Immaculate Heart of Mary Catholic High School is so graciously funded by Charlene Sixkiller, my dearest mother. She said it'll help me get to a good school. I'm truly grateful, but I feel so pressured, I feel like school and me leaving at eighteen is all we talk about at home.

I don't even know what I want to do.

Like fuck.

I love writing but my mom says that it doesn't pay the bills. It's a big reason why she won't help me with college, because I'm choosing to be an English Major.

Okay so maybe I do know what I want to do with my life.

I write gothic novels, a cross between horror and romance. I'm not very good at it but I love writing, between that and my diary it's the only way I can actually express myself.

-

It's awkward going to Catholic school and you're not a catholic, mom was brought up southern Baptist, and I hardly know a damn thing about my dad. Although he's probably the same, being from the same area.

I've only been to my mom's hometown of Rocky Mountain, North Carolina five times in my life, and every single time I count the hours for when we return to California.

My dream school is UCLA. It's hard as hell to get into, but going to this school will help. L.A. is far enough from central California where I won't have to deal with my mom again, and besides my dad's there. Maybe I can find him, ask him why I wasn't worth sticking around for.

My alarm clock blared Good Charlotte throughout my room. With a long groan and a painful stretch, I literally threw myself out of bed.

Dragged myself to the bathroom and pulled myself into the shower. I know being goth at a catholic school is going to be a total nightmare, but I was still Gung ho on making a good first impression. I washed my hair twice with the fruity smell of my Garnier shampoo and conditioner. Then massaged my loreal color mask into my waist length black hair before combing it through and clipping it up on top of my head.

My acne is starting to clear up but there's still some stubborn blemishes on my cheek. I washed my face with a morning burst about four times before using the scrub, why did I have to have problematic skin? Between acne, my fat ass and my boobs, I felt like there were twenty signs to point out how much of an ugly freak I am. I still tried though, some days I didn't think I looked bad, but days like today…

I scrubbed my skin with my electric apple lathered loofah until it was red and raw, and then rinsed my hair mask. I turned on the radio and brushed my teeth to the new Red Hot Chilli Peppers song By the Way, my eyes gazed with judgment at my reflection. How shall I fix myself today? I was getting over an eating disorder from last year, this weight is new to me. My doctor said I looked great, but sometimes I see a dancing hippopotamus in fantasia.

I rubbed Ponds onto my face and Bath and body works toasted hazelnut lotion on my skin. I sprayed my Secret powdery deodorant on. Blowing drying my waist length, ebony hair took a half an hour and that was me rushing. I sealed it with my Garnier serum and then did my makeup, far too much black eyeliner just past the point of you have gone too far, and cherry chapstick.

I pulled on my black panties and bra before pulling on the gray pleated school skirt I was forced to wear, I felt like a soldier preparing for war. The white buttoned down shirt was tucked in and I threw on my black zipper hoodie leaving it unzipped. I pulled on black knee high socks and scrunched them down before tying on my doc martens oxfords. I shoved on my many bracelets from a Hot Topic haul and made sure my black, stretchy choker constricted my neck. I brushed my hair down one more time and sprayed on my Victoria's Secret love spell body spray I got for my last birthday. I looked at myself, the kohl making my green eyes pop like I was on something. I wouldn't call myself hideous, just not pretty, not enough.

I wasn't enough for my old friends, when I was found passed out in the girl's bathroom everything changed. Nobody wanted me around, Alyssa and Taylor stopped sitting with me at lunch, and Alyssa started dating my crush Zach. They all acted like we never met.

But I was always the one who brought the least to the group. If I couldn't make it to a Marilyn Manson concert, they still went, but when Alyssa had the flu and couldn't make it to Disneyland, everyone canceled.

I was the one who was everyone's shoulder to cry on, at twelve I taught Taylor how to use pads and take motrin when she got her period, I told Zach he was good at drums, and anytime Alyssa had guy troubles it was me who lost sleep talking to her until 3am on the phone, it was me who bought her Häagen-Dazs and watched her stupid guilty pleasure show with her, Sex and the city, it was me who washed her hair and ran her a bath.

But it was never enough. Who knows, maybe I'm not meant to be happy. It's not in the cards for me I think.

The main reason for starting fresh and going to a new school wasn't just about college. It was so I wouldn't have to see the faces of the people who were supposed to be my best friends in the whole world, and couldn't get off their asses to visit me in the hospital.

I put my headphones and placed my Simple Plan CD into my player and turned it on blast.

Mom already left for work, she wasn't the kind of mother to prepare me a big breakfast for my first day. I grabbed an apple and granola bar and left to go catch the bus, getting catcalled on the way by guys old enough to be my dad.

Getting on that school bus was what you expected, the kids caught a look at the girl with black hair and equally black eyeliner and snicker or get out my way faster than a bat out of hell.

I sat in the very back next to a girl with shoulder length, dirty blonde hair pushed back by a headband that matched her gray school skirt.

She started talking to me, I saw her mouth move but couldn't hear one word. What is wrong with her? Can't she see that I'm wearing headphones? I wanted to ignore her so badly but I could not be rude to save my life. So I tapped the pause button with a black nail and pushed my headphones down before looking at her. "Can I help you?"

She smiled and laughed. "I was just saying you're new, I've never seen you before."

She wanted to bother me for that? I smiled though. "Yes, you're right. How perceptive of you."

The girl just laughed. "I'm Gretchen, I go to Mary's too, what grade are you in?"

"I'm a senior."

"Me too! We're the only seniors on the bus, did you know that?"

Thank you Gretchen for making me feel like such a loser.

The bus ride consisted of Gretchen asking for my entire autobiography. Was she a news reporter or something? All she got out of me was that I went to Sacramento High, which she made a snobby face at, and that I didn't leave behind any friends.

Once we got off of the bus, she didn't leave me alone. She was telling me about everyone who went to our school. I nodded along without paying attention but couldn't find the heart to be mean. I mean she's taking the time to get to know me and be my own personal tour guide.

"Amberline is a really strange name." She said suddenly.

I shrugged. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I'll change it when I get the chance."

She laughed and I held back the urge to roll my eyes. "I'll just call you Amber, come on Amber I'll take you to morning mass?"

"Morning mass?"

She nodded. "It's a catholic school of course."

I followed her to the chapel, it was all very beautiful and sacred looking. Pairs and pairs of eyes focused on me though, and I noticed boys filing in, which confused me since this was an all girls school. I asked Gretchen about it.

"The boys school shares certain things with us like the chapel for morning mass." Then Gretchen gasped and whispered loudly to me. "Oh there he is!"

"Who?" I asked with confusion, she was acting hysterical.

"Kyle Scheible!"

Walking in the line of boys to the priest was a boy far too handsome to be in high school, but you could clearly tell he is in fact in high school. Is he the usual ghostly pale and manic panic black haired with piercings type I go for? No, he was so much better than that. Something I thought I'd never say.

I can't believe that I can actually understand Gretchen's state of hysteria, but I do.

He has hooded, sleepy looking dark green eyes, with flecks of Hazel, I saw this as he walked by me. His lashes were poetically long and his nose pronounced beautifully. His lips were drawn in a pout that matched his careless posture of hands buried in the pockets of his khakis, which should have taken away how hot he is but it didn't.

His hair, God his hair needed the attention of my fingers combing through the dark chocolate curls. He wore it longish in a poetic way, his lean physique made him look taller, and he has the sort of neck you just know smells so good.

And because Gretchen isn't that great of a whisperer, he did look over. It was a lazy look over at first, like he was used to these whispers of him, which he probably was. But then his lazily droopy eyes popped open and bit when looking over at us. At me.

Oh no, oh God he was looking over at me? I immediately felt self conscious, what if he notices my breakouts? What if he finds my nose strange or finds me annoying looking? It's a catholic school. What if my look was too Crucible for him? Why did this guy who I don't know, opinion matter so much to me?

He looked at me, he really looked at me– Oh God, he stepped out of line to walk over straight to me. I could barely hear Gretchen's panicking, it was just me and him in this place of worship. Someone whispered how Kyle never approaches anyone.

He then stood over me, my eyes widened a bit and a hardly there smirk painted his pursed lips. His dead eyes swept over me, and in a lazy voice he asked, "Do you smoke?"

"Yes."

I don't know why I said it, I've never touched cigarettes in my life and I've only had one beer when I decided alcohol wasn't for me. But for this mystery boy, I thoughtlessly said yes.

"I mean no, I lied, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that." I said breathlessly. Why was I out of breath?"

Kyle just…smiled at me, it looked foreign on his lips like he wasn't used to it. "What's your name?" His voice was musically calm.

I opened my mouth to answer but I was up next to bite the wafer and sip the wine. I didn't hear from Kyle for the rest of the day.

@meetmyothersouls

[birds-quantified]

Whump month day 1: "Are you okay?"

My little offering for the inagural day of whump month, organised by @cirrus-ghoulette and all the crew on the ghost writers discord!

Unbeta-d

Word count: 884

Pairing: Dewther, if you squint

Summary: Having been relegated to taxes, Aether struggles to adjust.

(My oc, Pluto makes a small appearence in this, however its just to drive a small plot point)

-----------------------------------------

It’s been long enough now. He should be over this. Imperator selected him for the admin work because he was the best fitted for the job; responsible, as she had put it. NOT because she wanted a ghoul to sulk over his pack that much he cries on the tax returns. He needs to pull himself together, because this isn’t going to change now. He’s been replaced in the band and he has a desk job now. That's just how it is.

…

Doesn't stop it hurting like a bitch, though.

Aether wakes in the morning, yet again to an empty den, and makes himself a cup of coffee whilst desperately trying not to fuck the day up before it’s even begun. He sits at the counter, silently wishing he had chosen to stay with the service ghouls whilst his pack was on tour… It's too quiet in here, all it does is remind the quintessence ghoul of exactly what he’s missing out on; all the sights, sounds, and tight knit pack cuddles.

Moving on from that train of despair, though. Aether made his way to his workstation, ready to do whatever cursed paperwork Sister Imperator couldn't be bothered to complete. Supply orders, it seems, is today's task. Which albeit dull, is one of the few of his new responsibilities that allows him to move around the ministry; visiting various other workstations, and collecting their order slips. Before he then had to slim it down, making the final amalgamated list that got sent to their suppliers.

First stop, the library. Technically the kitchen is closest but he is well aware of the fact that they'll still be clearing up after the breakfast frenzy. On his travels, he passes many groups of siblings; a large majority of which are discussing the intricacies of the previous night’s show. He reaches the library, knocks on the cumbersome wooden doors, and awaits the library keeper's response. The doors creaked open; Aether met the tired eyes of the ministry’s resident librarian ghoul, who wastes no time in ushering the larger quintessence ghoul inside and offering him a cup of tea.

Aether sits at one of the small tables dotted around the room as the small library ghoul, what was his name again, Pluto?, scuttered about to find his order list in his unorganised heap of papers. He began to ramble, and to be frank, Aether was far from paying him any attention.

Until. “So how's it treating you? Staying home from the tour for the first time? I can imagine it's difficult, being away from your pack for the best part of half a year…” aaand there goes the can of worms.

Aether sighs, “It’s been, it's been a difficult adjustment. I mean, I've been playing live even before Copia was anywhere near power. I welcomed the new pack with open arms, helped them all adjust to their new lives, and now? Now they don't need me anymore…”

The library keeper sits across from the ex- band ghoul, placing his order request sheet on the small table. “Well, I think it’s admirable. You, such a strong pillar of the current band pack, choosing to leave it all behind to help the running of the church.” He pauses for a moment before slapping his knees and standing. “Anyways, I'm sure you've got other places to be… it’s always nice and quiet in here, should you ever need to take a moment away from it all.” And with that, the small ghoul had scampered back to his book cart.

Aether muttered a small ‘Thank you’ before standing and leaving the library, proceeding to head to the next stop on his round trip of the ministry.

Much later; when Aether had finished with the daily orders, and grabbed a bite to eat, he returned to his living quarters. Quiet. Again. He sits, and attempts to distract himself from spiralling into a pit of despair again. It doesn't work. His brain doesn't stop hurling abuse at him; ‘Imperator moved you to admin, clearly that new ghoul is so much better in her eyes. She only needed you to fill the gap after Omega retired, and now they needed to find something else for you to do so they didn't waste a summon on you.’

Fuck this. Almost subconsciously, facetime is open and calling. It's only in the camera preview that Aether realises he’s been crying. Before he has time to wipe them away, the groggy visage of his favourite fire ghoul comes into view. Almost immediately, Dew picks up on Aether’s delicate state.

“The fuck’s wrong with you? Don't tell me we are all being placed on stupid admin work because I swear to Satan I am worth more than fucking taxes”

Aether sniffles quietly. ‘Even Dew thinks you're only good for admin work, see?’

They’re both quiet for a while, before Dew speaks, in a much softer tone. “Aeth?”

“... Yeah?”

“Are… are you okay?” Dew actually looks concerned, it appears that the change of routine has affected Aether more than the pack initially thought. And to think they had been making fun of it, taking the piss out of Aeths new office job… Meanwhile they had been blind to the clear inner turmoil their packmate had been going through.

"..."

“Come home Dew… please..”

[sukunasun]

sunny do NOT leave us after mentioning professor nanami. he will forever be on my mind. 😣

heres some stuff i fished out from the drafts:

nanami kento phd sets his alarm for precisely six in the morning everyday. this is important because he's already taken into account the morning rush crowd and the weather forecast has predicted sunny skies today, which is rather unlikely for ...england. so he's not buying it, there are only a few precious hours to make up for the time it takes to set up the slides and get the creaky projector to work—not surprising since the university is about eight hundred years old and has yet to figure out why students can’t find assignment posts on canvas—but out the door he goes, a loose sock falls down to his ankle like always, and he would relish in that little bit of familiarity and routine, but there isn't enough time to do so when it's already six thirty.

"attendance will be taken into account for your final grade, five minutes is the cut off point,” he announces every semester, with every new batch of students, and like clockwork, it’s followed by a chorus of groans. 

but none of them try to fight him on it, they think the old man has enough to deal with, given that he’s always got the moodiest face on, brooding and emotionless. he’s barely 30 but he receives senior citizen discounts at the cafe nearby. already looks the part with his brown sweater vests and thick rimmed buddy holly glasses, shoes clacking on pavement as he's rushing from one lecture hall to another. but the pants are nice, he’s thrifted them from his first time at a market in camden (sans spectacles and or orthopaedics. those had to be custom made.) 

his laptop is shoved into his worn out leather messenger bag clumsily, who cares, it's a PC, they’re sturdier and he’d rather settle for thinkpads than buying into that fruit company. the zipper's broken so he clasps it shut with his fingers, briskly side stepping slow walkers and mutters a "fucking hell," under his breath when he comes across couples making out in the open, sucking each other's faces off, he's cringing at how obscene it is, enough to turn his croissant bland. rammed into his open maw, he has no time for jams or butter, so a soggy, saliva-drenched mess will do.

about 200 people show up to his class and that's only because they started having a stricter application process, he remembers when there were more. still, the quantity doesn't phase him, because eventually students will drop out, people fail assignments. the numbers shall dwindle because he's over the hand holding. it used to be fine back when prerequisites were a jumbled up bunch of different majors, he'd help out with a little calculus here and some linear algebra worksheets, y'know, just the basic stuff. but it's about time he stopped the coddling. makes a mental note to remind himself just how much he takes this course seriously. econometrics isn't for everyone, but a bare-bones understanding of basic concepts in probability theory and statistical inference is all he asks for. "you will fail to grasp anything beyond the first week of this syllabus," he tells yuuji itadori who sits in the front row, an enthusiastic kid, eager to learn, but ultimately and unfortunately...foolish.

"what did you major in last semester?" nanami asks impassively, not at all curious really, but just to gauge where he's at. meanwhile another part of his brain is already planning and working out an alternative plan if itadori chooses to stay. maybe something simpler, he's heard accounting is all the rage, as long as he's done something relatively close to mathematics—

“sports marketing!” yuuji exclaims. so self assured, and nanami is about to rip his hair out, fisting at blonde clumps. he really shouldn’t do that, it would be such a shame to have him balding at such a young age. maybe he’ll do a silly side study on it, ‘progressive deterioration of the hair shaft over a two year period primarily caused by excessive weathering and self-inflicted damage.’ (quickly taps out a short intro in his notes app and emails it to geto and gojo with no subject and the one line; ‘thoughts?’) 

nanami breathes out a deep sigh, he's going to have a not so friendly chat with the admins after this. "and why have you chosen this course, as a challenge i presume? i should remind you this is a postgraduate program," which should have been his first clue to itadori's determination.

"i just thought it'll be fun to take your class, you're like, the smartest guy i know," to which nanami can't deny him when he's so earnest about it. if he were being realistic, the chances for yuuji to achieve much are slim, or at least where this course is concerned. but nanami has never been the kind to discourage, so he just hands itadori a list of pdf textbooks he can download for free off some random account, and schedules tutoring sessions on his thursday afternoons. ('thank you @ mr_overtime for providing free and accessible academic resources!' yuuji types before posting it to a message board.)

------------------------------------------------

nanami’s moved to an old research lab the next day, the same group of students show up except there are a few who join him online in a teams channel he’s humorously named ‘ABSENT 7/3/22’ ...just to emphasise on the importance of face to face interactions. he thinks it’s funny. no one laughs. but he didn’t think they would. he’s mapped it out on a data visualizer programme he’s been working on and is proud at the very least that results were accurate. still, the conditions are less than ideal, the stone floors scuff the leather of his shoes, the heating unit is broken, and of course, no projector. “i guess we’ll do graphs today,” he says. 

a choir made up of sifting hands and rustling papers start singing alongside graphite and red cedar grinding under a blade, the quick push, push, pushes of a thumb on pen, cables thrown across one table to another—there are no outputs here. with swift vertical swipes, nanami thinks he’ll suffer the clown lung and the inevitable dry, dust-filled grooves of his fingertips for this, especially because it’s been awhile since he’s used the hagoromo chalk. there’s a pause, everyone waits for the maestro, and he conducts a tune of old, one that’s been unheard in years. when his perfectly straight lines come out thick and layered like snow on a forest floor, phthalo turning into golden-sheen moss green when the sun cuts a slant of light at the right time. his rosy fingers translucent like an orange, pressing, gripping, swishhh-es lines he’s seen again and again, equations he knows by heart, the tapping of rock reverberates, and everyone else follows after its echo.

------------------------------------------------

a replica of ‘wanderer above the sea fog’ gets delivered to his office that afternoon. “still into romanticism?” gojo asks. doesn’t even try to point at the painting, already disinterested. with hands tucked into his favourite parka, he swivels his head around and bounce on his heels like a child, looking for whatever would grasp his interest, wide blue eyes taking in nanami’s office that’s untouched by renovation of any kind, it still smells a little damp and the curtains are yet again pulled shut, but gojo shines with curiosity enough to light up an entire room. 

he shrugs, “‘still into’ suggests fixation, i only observe it as what it is— a painting,” nanami defends, head tilting to the side, “they were going to get rid of it, what was i supposed to do?”

“you make it sound like it were a stray animal,” gojo teases, seeing that nanami doesn’t entertain the jab, he eases the tension by the only way he knows how, bringing attention to himself, “but what do i know, i’ve only just won a nobel,” he shoots nanami a grin that curls from ear to ear. yet again, the scowl is ever prominent. 

moving closer to inspect it, gojo forces himself not to pull a face. yeah no. nothing interesting here; man looking out towards a fog and endless sky. there’s no truth to it. only that the varnish is applied sloppily, and it’s cracking, nooks and crannies gathering dust, rivers splitting down the middle. is it a piece worth anything? worth saving? he doesn’t think so. an artist should just paint what’s in front of him.

nanami overachieves but never finds any meaning in all of it, who's turning into a doubter, a pessimist, "you’re always in a bad mood, must be the weight of that intellect you have," gojo likes to say. one who seeks for something beyond because he uncovers the mysteries of the world and what then? feels like a ghost, hollowed and waning. thou art a scholar horatio, speak to it. watching himself live a life he can't control, every passing moment slipping through his fingers. they're cold and slightly calloused, chalk-dusted. there's a detached way about then, a dismissive wave of his hand, brushing off excuses and late submissions and all the compliments that fall on deaf ears. 

“you see yourself in it,” suguru adds from his corner, nonchalantly. he’s lazing in an armchair with book in hand. when he looks up at the two of them, they stare at him like he were speaking in a foreign language. snapping his book shut, he stretches his limbs out like a cat, “it’s a piece depicting reflection; morality, feeling, something tells me you’re lost kento,” geto gives his hypothesis. and it lingers there. 

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3537

today was back and forth.

i ran the numbers. i end each month, after bills have been paid and gas has been budgeted for, with twenty-three dollars. now. i can manage with that, because i know it's positive. but it really fuckin sucks that it's only 23.

today was an all-hands meeting for security. they went over a bunch of procedures and stuff for rovers and desk officers and there was actually a bit that was helpful for me. which was nice. they also announced the employee of the quarter (self explanatory) and spot awards, which are given to people who take the initiative for something specific and get nominated for it.

three of the four that were given were awarded to my fellow gsoc analysts! which is wonderful! and i'm super proud of them. it's something to be added to a résumé, in addition to being a nice bonus of a hundred dollars.

that said.

the three who were given the award were very much well-deserving of it. they worked on supply chain stuff that was really important, especially because of the sanctions toward chinese companies right now here in the US, one of which is a major supplier for our company. they worked with boss guy adam and were picked by him. not sure what method he used to choose people, but they were specifically chosen for the project.

which again is great, because they learned and are still learning a lot, and it has been super helpful to adam boss man and the rest of the supply chain team.

they were acknowledged for being a part of something which they were chosen for. which has been very helpful.

but the thing is.

i'm honestly jealous and frustrated because every time i have asked to be involved in something else, asked if there was a project i could work on, asked if there was something else i could do to help around the gsoc, i have been met every time with "how about you focus on the day-to-day stuff first."

which i can understand saying to someone who's only been there for a few months, like i was the first time i asked in september.

but repeatedly?

sounds like my manager doesn't have faith in my ability to get things done.

what more does he want?

the reason i started bringing craft supplies to work was because i was so bored i was falling asleep.

like what the fuck do you want from me?

i have done EVERYTHING that has been asked of me and MORE and i have ASKED to be involved with things SO MANY TIMES and it's ALWAYS a "nah" or a "maybe later" or a "focus on stuff the everyday activities of the gsoc."

i'm tired of being undervalued. i don't get up every morning at 4am to be at work for 6am for a twelve hour shift that doesn't pay enough and makes me want to take a long walk off a short pier to be taken for granted and ignored.

there's also officially no more internal positions. those have been eliminated. there's no room for growth. there's no point in staying. but with a debt load like mine, i have to keep working up until a new place hires me and i can start.

i'm so goddamn tired.

and i'm frustrated! my coworkers have full faith in me and my abilities. even the ones who left the company do! jack! and colin! they knew i was more than capable! what the fuck am i doing wrong!

i'm disappointed.

joel says it's time for a new job. i'm working on it. or i'm trying. i have at least a hundred applications out right now. they take so long to complete. i'm tired. i'm TIRED.

i'm tired.

[changbinslovelylegs]

It gets worse before it gets better - Hyunjin part 2

Pairing: no specific pairing right now

WC: will always be between 2k-4k words

Warnings: Language, smut, throwing up, talk of past trauma, drugs

Preview, description, characters here

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Hyunjin: Can you come over? 🍆

Jimin: Sure, just gimme 10

Now Hyunjin knew what he was hoping for when he sent that emoji, because he had sent it quite a few times in the past, and Jimin knew what it meant because he too wanted it.

Whenever a certain purple emoji was sent, it was known that the sender was asking to be dicked down. Usually it was sent whenever the other was just feeling it but sometimes it was sent when they were stressed and needed to relax.

Like today, Hyunjin was in need of some serious relaxation after yet another time consuming phone call from his mother explaining all the ways in which art is not a real career.

He has full support from his dad, but his mom just doesn't see it and he always just feels so drained after taking to her. His dad will joke and say that's why they split, because she always made him feel drained.

"Hey are you sure you want this? you seem out of it?" Jimin asked, 3 fingers deep in Hyunjin's ass and slightly panting.

"I'm sorry Hyung, it's just my mom again. I do want it though I promise, could really use a good release" Hyunjin whined at the loss of feeling, really just wanting to forget that phone call ever happened.

"What did she say?"

"What she always says, how art is not a real career and that I'm ruining my life by pursuing it, and like always she- Ah Hyunggg -tried to convince me to change my major" Hyunjin vented, getting a little worked up at the thought while Jimin slowly yet deeply thrusted into his ass and lightly stroked his cock.

Hyunjin moaned but it sounded a little teary, the thought of not doing art as a career was not a thought Hyunjin liked, painting specifically was his passion and he had always dreamed of doing it for a living.

Jimin started to thrust faster, making Hyunjin let out a sob. He felt oh so good but was also feeling super overwhelmed. Jimin grunted as he got closer to the edge, but despite his own pleasure he was concerned for his friend. He couldn't imagine having a mother who shit on his dreams, thankfully his own mother wasn't one of those people.

"Jin, try to take a breath, your working yourself up too much" Jimin slowed but only for a moment as he watched Hyunjin do as asked, "there we go, focus on the feeling yeah" he started up again, focusing on getting Hyunjin to the edge as he could tell he needed it.

"She just doesn't understand! Painting makes me feel whole and sane- fuck I'm close!" Hyunjin was moaning once again, shaking all over with the need to come.

"Fuck her then, you don't need that negative energy in your life. how close hmm?"

"So fucking close, please lemme cum fuck-"

"It's ok, cum as hard as you can for me yeah?"

After all was said and done like literally done, Hyunjin was just staring off into space while Jimin cleaned up. Usually he liked some help but he understood that his slightly out of it friend was in no state to help.

Jimin opted for lightly running his fingers up and down his leg until he came back to him, until his eyes weren't glazed over and his mind was no longer foggy.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" all he got in response was a tearful whimper which was automatically taken as a no.

"Want me to ask Seungmin to bring chicken from that place you love?" before Jimin even got an answer he was messaging Seungmin anyway, fried chicken makes everyone feel better.

"And soju! wanna get drunk" Hyunjin declared while he sat up and started getting dressed.

"We have that party Felix is taking us to remember? so don't over do it ok?"

"I won't Hyung promise, thank you."

Beautiful sluts bunch

Felix: Everyone still good for tonight?

Seonghwa: YEP, my outfit is picked and everything!

Yoongi: Ooooh

Hyunjin: What are you wearing?

Felix: Remember come to my place first so we can all go together, Chan invited me to this so please don't be embarrassing

Wooyoung: Felix will you please shut up we are not embarrassing

Seungmin: Says the guy who always does stupid shit when given vodka

Jisung: Ahahahahah TRUE

Wooyoung: HEY

Seonghwa: OK was thinking cream cargo pants and a white cropped singlet, plus my basic airforce one's cause I can't be fucked wearing other shoes

Jisung: You do look great in cargo pants!

Hyunjin: OMG LOVE I can't decide between leather pants or black flared jeans?

Yoongi: Go with the jeans, they will go so well with that new top you got yesterday

Hyunjin: Great idea, thanks Hyung xx

Felix: I think asking us to tone down our craziness for one night isn't too much to ask

Jisung: It wouldn't be if you weren't talking to the craziest friendship group but-

Wooyoung: As long as Minnie takes back his statement!

Seungmin: Sorry bitch but NO

Yoongi: AHAHAHA you just got burned!

Seonghwa: Where are Taehyung and Jimin?

Hyunjin: Hyung is ordering chicken for Minnie to grab

Taehyung: I was taking a nap until I was rudely woken up!!!!

Wooyoung: Sorry Hyung x

Hyunjin: What are you wearing tonight?

Taehyung: I have no fucking idea, my head still hurts from last night

Wooyoung: Wait, you're having chicken without us?

Hyunjin: it's been a fucking DAY and the day isn't even over yet so yes I'm having chicken

Seungmin: Hyung, I'm here can you buzz me in?

The party was wild, almost as wild as the parties that frats throw expect there were signs to state which rooms not to go into. The cup system was always the same and Hyunjin chose a red one as per usual.

How Felix was convinced to attend a party with Jongsung students Hyunjin will never know, let alone Wooyoung after what happened to him, he was so expecting Wooyoung to sit this one out.

He guessed he could call it growth that their here it's just that when Felix stated that day that he thought Jongsung should be burned down, he sounded like he meant it but now here he was partying with them.

As the night went on Hyunjin began to feel a little floaty, as he always felt when he had a few plus one bite of his friend Yunho's special brownie.

The night started out with the hoe bunch dancing a little too close together but then they were called away for a game of seven minutes in heaven as if they were 12 rather than 21. Hyunjin just laughed but denied to join them.

He soon found his friend Yoongi and spoke to him for a few minutes, casually sipping on his rum and coke while doing so. Hyunjin wasn't one for beer as he preferred mixed drinks or wine. He didn't even notice his phone ringing until Yoongi told him so.

"Hey, who is this?" Hyunjin blocked the other ear trying to silence the music, but it only slightly worked. He had also forgotten to look to see who called him before he answered.

"Jinnie, everything hurts!"

"Shit, Taehyung, where are you? are you with anyone?" Hyunjin frantically asked as his friend didn't sound ok. Half of him wasn't surprised considering Taehyung went out the night before so he had a feeling he wouldn't last as long. When in reality he just wanted to make sure his friend was safe, Taehyung was always an emotional drunk.

"I was with Seungmin before but then I had to *puking noise*"

"Taehyung, where are you?"

"Some bathroom upstairs, I wanna go home!" Taehyung started to slightly cry, and it made Hyunjin wince. An emotional drunk alone was never a good combo.

"I'm coming baby ok, don't go anywhere!"

Hyunjin didn't know which bathroom specifically but he knew it was upstairs, so thats where he went. He opened a few doors but they were all bedrooms and all occupied he even saw Seonghwa in one of them so now he was scarred.

When he opened up the next door, he sighed when it was a bathroom. Someone was sat leaning over the toilet, vomiting up something disgusting but somehow stopped when he heard a noise.

Hyunjin was about to leave when he realised that he was in the wrong bathroom, "I'm sorry I was looking for a friend-"

"Hyunjin?"

The world stopped, like literally stopped. Now Hyunjin felt like puking.

Sitting by the toilet with a surprised look on his face was none other than Seo Changbin, aka the guy who took Hyunjin's virginity then never called him back even though he said he would.

To be standing there had him stunned in a bad way, he had never wanted to see Changbin again after what he did. Now that he was here he didn't know what to think.

"I'm not doing this" Hyunjin went to walk away but was stopped.

"Wait, please" it sounded a lot more slow considering Changbin was drunk.

"Why should I? I mean I'm surprised you even remember me!"

"It's just- I didn't plan for that night to go how it went, neither the next few days. I wasn't out to my family yet and-"

"Oh don't give me the whole I was scared bullshit, no one tells intimate sex details to their parents!"

"I know and I'm sorry-"

"Well then why didn't you call me? I gave my fucking virtue to you like I can't get that back you know!"

"I don't know fuck I was an idiot back then, you were so beautiful still are so beautiful."

"Just don't"

"Hyunjin please-"

He sighed, it sounded just as sad as he was. Hyunjin knew he didn't owe an explanation, hell he could just spit out a fuck you and walk straight out the door.

However, he wanted to explain how he felt considering he was already so worked up.

"You have no idea the pain you caused me, loosing your virginity is meant to be a special experience and I thought what we had was special, but then I woke up and you were gone only leaving a note that said last night was fun I'll call you! AND THEN YOU NEVER CALLED."

"Fuck, you don't think I know that! I've been looking for you for months!"

"You were looking for me?" Hyunjin's tone changed when he heard this, and for the first time since stepping into the bathroom did he want to continue listening.

"Well I actually never got your number that night, so I thought you didn't wanna see me, but then I told the story to my friends and they helped me realise that you did probably want to see me and I've been trying to find you ever since!" Changbin explained, a sheepish smile on his face. He was glad he finally found him considering he missed him so much.

"Oh um...wow. I don't know how to feel now" fuck, now Hyunjin looked like the bad guy since there was never a number for Changbin to call.

"It's ok please don't feel bad, you were in pain and that's valid" Changbin walked over to Hyunjin, and the moment he placed his hands on his waist; everything started coming back.

The way Changbin's hands felt as they roamed around his body, his smooth voice guiding him through everything, the immense pleasure flowing everywhere.

It made Hyunjin shudder as a few stray tears fell, he had had sex after Changbin, but no one was ever the same. No one was as good.

"I'm going to kiss you now ok?" and all Changbin got in return was s sob but also a nod.

So, he leaned in.

Everything came back tenfold.

New pleasures and remembrance of old pleasure as their lips explored, Changbin had been waiting for this moment and he could tell Hyunjin had been too dispite his previous feelings.

They continued kissing until oxygen became a problem, slightly gasping from how heated everything felt.

"That was... wow!" Hyunjin was in disbelief, hot and bothered disbelief.

"I've been wanting to do that for so long, and this" Changbin took out his phone, then handed it over. "May I please have your number? I actually promise to call this time" Hyunjin giggled at that.

All was well until his phone started ringing, why was Felix calling?

"Felix hey is everything ok?"

"Um... no it's not, Hyung, Taehyung was drugged." Fuck, he completely forgot about Tae, what a shit friend he was.

"WHAT!!!!!"

"It gets worse, Wooyoung and Yoongi are fighting. No one's gotten physical but they're saying some vile shit to each other" Felix was trying his hardest not to faint, which was hard enough considering how much he was panicking and crying.

"Do you know who drugged Taehyung?" Hyunjin asked, sounding just as panicked. He got no reply just more cries.

"Felix baby, I need you to breathe and tell me where you are, also do you know who drugged him?"

Felix on the other line tried his best, and it worked enough for him to speak, "I have no idea who did it, it could have been anyone! I'm out the front with the rest of the gang, Jimin is trying to stop the fight, Seonghwa is in the ambulance with Tae"

"FUCK, I'm coming, stay out front!"