#it forms a genuinely large part of my personality and it is distressing

[bunnyreaper]

i live in fear of the day i can no longer hold back how bunny coded i truly am

[tickfleato]

tell us more about the greys i'm so intrigued

WEHEHE ok so i DO have a slightly outdated post about them here! it's accurate about their biology but not 100% on culture and i've since retconned their average height to be a little shorter, though i kept enen's height the same so i didn't have to redraw their ref and because it's really funny if they're a chilchuck situation.

long ass reply under the cut

Anyway. the greys (in my setting) are by far the oldest spacefaring sophonts, and in fact their original homeworld has been uninhabitable and lifeless for hundreds of years. the majority of their population belongs to the imperial culture (which... i should come up with a better name for What empire it is... but it's hard to come up with grey names for things due to their lack of vocal language), which is highly conformist and is the main reason that despite their advanced genetic engineering capabilities they all look pretty much the same.

for most of the empire and most people in it, life is pretty good. they are largely post-scarcity, having access to large mining operations on uninhabitable planets and producing most materials from bio-machines. people are required to work jobs but generally one is given plenty of choice as to what they want to do in life and it's ok to change. basic rights (sustenance, shelter, etc) are guaranteed.

however... there are absolutely people who fall through the cracks, and their society stands on some unethical columns. imperial society is deeply ableist towards anyone who cannot or does not want to be 'fixed'. this mostly applies to mental illnesses & cognitive disabilities, as well as telepathy-related disabilities (enen, for instance, has the equivalent of a bad speech impediment due to what amounts to brain damage, on top of difficult-to-treat PTSD and alien contamination of the mind).

and now of course we get to OVERSEERS!!

i explained it a bit already but they're essentially their equivalent of AI. whether you want to actually consider it AI or not is wobbly. they're fully made out of meat like all grey tech, and their core minds & brain matter are grown artificially, but a significant chunk of their computing power and the source of much of their personalities and memories while still growing come from a hivemind of grey bodies. and well, you might wonder how they get enough people to agree to subsume their consciousness to a hivemind...

coercion! it is nominally a volunteer position but in practice it happens to:

people with certain incurable mental illnesses or severe distress that can't be fixed (whether forcibly or not) as becoming part of the whole usually makes those issues irrelevant to the overseer itself. enen would technically be in this position but for plot reasons they aren't allowed to volunteer.

certain types of criminals that are too far gone for re-educate. this is carefully arranged so that they don't 'infect' overseers and no individual OS is allowed to get more than one at a time so that they don't form a 'clump'

people who were mentally damaged in some way from botched re-ed, therapy, etc. this is sometimes done on purpose when there's a shortage of volunteers but it's rare and illegal

a certain number of greys are grown with the intention of becoming seers when they hit adulthood, to make sure that quotas are filled when there aren't enough volunteers

also there sometimes are genuine volunteers who aren't going into it just because they've been made to believe it's their only option :) but that's relatively uncommon, most people think it's kind of scary

NOW OF COURSE there are other greys that aren't part of this society, and they all have varying customs and views and government and etc. they are all considered "fringe" cultures by the core. by and large they don't have access to all the tech that the core has, but some transhumanist (trans...greyist?) groups have their own technological advances.

heights for the anatomically standard greys are outdated

the empire currently (approximately for the past century or so) has a hands-off approach to interspecies meddling, and doesn't colonize inhabited planets, but they have in the past. their attitude towards other greys, though, is uh... well, it varies, but there are some sticky situations.

it's worst and stickiest when it comes to the claymin.

the claymin are descended from transhumanist/post-flesh greys, but are considered by all parties to be a separate species... sort of. they have access to the same genetic tech as the empire and can reproduce on their own as opposed to solely growing through exiles like other post-flesh groups, and have completely different anatomy as their true bodies have been engineered down to basically just a brain, referred to as the core, which can be put in various modular constructed bodies.

they are, however, mysteriously exempt from the 'hands off other sophonts' rule that the empire has. when enen was a combat mech pilot, this is who they were fighting.

i'll leave off there... for now. i can elaborate on some of the other groups later :3 hope you liked reading all that

[hrefna-the-raven]

Soul love

Masterlist - DD2 masterlist

Summary: a few drabbles that will be loosely connected to each other about the pawn falling in love with his Arisen

Notes: gender neutral version right after the original chapter :)

Part 1

Part 2

On his way back from the tavern counter, balancing two large mugs of ale in his hands, he abruptly halted as his gaze landed on Brant's hand resting on your shoulder. A tender smile adorned the face of the guard captain as he whispered something in your ear. In that moment, a sudden pang shot through his stomach, followed by a crushing weight on his chest, his breaths growing heavy and uncomfortable. Panic surged within him as this unfamiliar sensation kept his body in a tight hold. His surroundings faded from his mind, not paying attention to anything but the pain and the dark fog that encroached upon his thoughts. Was this the unknown illness that plagued the pawns? Would he turn against you? Hurt you? The mere thought filled him with dread, as he was devoted to you, bound by an oath to protect you, he couldn't bear the idea of becoming the very cause of your pain or distress. The chaos in his mind grew louder and untamed, threatening to consume everything within him until your voice cut through the chaos, bringing him back to the reality of the tavern he was standing in, still clutching the mugs of ale and with Brant nowhere in sight anymore.

"Are you alright?", you asked in a gentle tone, your concern evident.

He simply blinked at you, lips parting but words failed him.

"Let’s go to our room and finish the drinks there", you suggested, a gentle smile on your face as you led him up the stairs.

You closed the door behind you and silently observed him as he sat down on the bed. As his eyes found yours and he recognised the sorrow in them, his voice finally found its way back to him.

"I am terribly sorry master, I should not have given you reason to worry", his breath hitched, "certainly not about me."

His words pained you. You were aware of the distinction between being a pawn and being the Arisen and yet, it never prevented you from seeing him in a different light, from believing that there had to be more to him, that there was something unique about him, something that set him apart from the other pawns you encountered on your journey to Vernworth. The way he spoke and the secret glances he stole when he thought you weren't looking, it clearly set him apart from other pawns. And then this weird moment just downstairs in the tavern, all of it convinced you that there had to be more to a pawn's personality than what people gave them credit for. You took the mugs from his grasp and carefully placed them on the table next to the bed. As you settled down beside him, a subtle grin formed on your face as you noticed his eyes following you.

"How many times do I need to tell that you shouldn't call me master", you sighed, "you're not my slave."

"But I'm merely a pawn...your pawn, Arisen", his usually confident voice now tinged with uncertainty.

"No you're more than my pawn", feeling a pang in your chest as you noticed the sadness filling his eyes, "you're my friend and I like you, even when you're acting like an idiot sometimes."

You playfully slapped him on the shoulder, rolling your eyes feinting annoyance which finally provoked a genuine smile with him.

"Well if I recall correctly that would make me your idiot."

There it was, that slightly mischievous personality you had grown fond of over time, never shying away from a friendly banter and always eager to make you laugh.

"Mine indeed and if I recall correctly that will grant me the right to punish you for saying such stupid things."

Without giving him a moment to contemplate the meaning behind your words, you pounced on him, forcefully knocking him onto his back. Straddling him, you began mercilessly tickling him, causing laughter to fill the room. He desperately kicked his feet and flailed his arms, attempting to signal for you to stop. Only when tears streamed down his face and he struggled to catch his breath amid fits of laughter did you finally cease the tickling.

"Mercy Arisen! Have mercy I beg of you!", he pleaded, still chuckling.

"Only if you tell me what happened in the tavern."

He sighed, taking a moment to consider whether it was worth hiding anything from you before ultimately deciding it was futile and proceeded to explain what he experienced in detail. He expected you to jump up, create some distance between you, or even scream at him in preparation for a fight, assuming he had been afflicted by whatever cursed illness had befallen him but to his surprise you started laughing, loud carefree amused giggles erupting from your beautiful lips.

"Arisen pardon my question but why are you so amused? I fear I'm sick, befallen by some cursed illness."

"You really don't understand it?", you asked chuckling as he shook his head, "oh silly, you're just jealous."

"Jealous? Like a human? But it cannot be! You must be mistaken!"

Confusion mingled with his thoughts, questions emerging from the back of his mind as how he, a mere pawn, was able to experience such a profoundly human emotion. As he kept replaying all those nights at camp in his mind, you're explanation made sense all over sudden. Although it rose one final question he didn't dare to ask out loud. If he felt jealous when he saw you with someone else, did that mean you meant more to him? You laid down beside him and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, keeping your lips pressed against him for a tiny moment while you felt the heat rushed to your face.

"You needn't be jealous about anyone", you murmured, "let's get some sleep."

GN version

On his way back from the tavern counter, balancing two large mugs of ale in their hands, they abruptly halted as their gaze landed on Brant's hand resting on your shoulder. A tender smile adorned the face of the guard captain as he whispered something in your ear. In that moment, a sudden pang shot through their stomach, followed by a crushing weight on their chest, their breaths growing heavy and uncomfortable. Panic surged within them as this unfamiliar sensation kept their body in a tight hold. Their surroundings faded from their mind, not paying attention to anything but the pain and the dark fog that encroached upon their thoughts. Was this the unknown illness that plagued the pawns? Would they turn against you? Hurt you? The mere thought filled them with dread, as they were devoted to you, bound by an oath to protect you, they couldn't bear the idea of becoming the very cause of your pain or distress. The chaos in their mind grew louder and untamed, threatening to consume everything within them until your voice cut through the chaos, bringing them back to the reality of the tavern they were standing in, still clutching the mugs of ale and with Brant nowhere in sight anymore.

"Are you alright?", you asked in a gentle tone, your concern evident.

They simply blinked at you, lips parting but words failed them.

"Let’s go to our room and finish the drinks there", you suggested, a gentle smile on your face as you led them up the stairs.

You closed the door behind you and silently observed them as they sat down on the bed. As their eyes found yours and they recognised the sorrow in them, their voice finally found its way back to them.

"I am terribly sorry master, I should not have given you reason to worry", their breath hitched, "certainly not about me."

Their words pained you. You were aware of the distinction between being a pawn and being the Arisen and yet, it never prevented you from seeing them in a different light, from believing that there had to be more to them, that there was something unique about them, something that set them apart from the other pawns you encountered on your journey to Vernworth. The way they spoke and the secret glances they stole when they thought you weren't looking, it clearly set them apart from other pawns. And then this weird moment just downstairs in the tavern, all of it convinced you that there had to be more to a pawn's personality than what people gave them credit for. You took the mugs from their grasp and carefully placed them on the table next to the bed. As you settled down beside them, a subtle grin formed on your face as you noticed their eyes following you.

"How many times do I need to tell that you shouldn't call me master", you sighed, "you're not my slave."

"But I'm merely a pawn...your pawn, Arisen", their usually confident voice now tinged with uncertainty.

"No you're more than my pawn", feeling a pang in your chest as you noticed the sadness filling his eyes, "you're my friend and I like you, even when you're acting like an idiot sometimes."

You playfully slapped them on the shoulder, rolling your eyes feinting annoyance which finally provoked a genuine smile with them.

"Well if I recall correctly that would make me your idiot."

There it was, that slightly mischievous personality you had grown fond of over time, never shying away from a friendly banter and always eager to make you laugh.

"Mine indeed and if I recall correctly that will grant me the right to punish you for saying such stupid things."

Without giving them a moment to contemplate the meaning behind your words, you pounced on them, forcefully knocking him onto their back. Straddling them, you began mercilessly tickling them, causing laughter to fill the room. They desperately kicked their feet and flailed their arms, attempting to signal for you to stop. Only when tears streamed down their face and they struggled to catch their breath amid fits of laughter did you finally cease the tickling.

"Mercy Arisen! Have mercy I beg of you!", they pleaded, still chuckling.

"Only if you tell me what happened in the tavern."

They sighed, taking a moment to consider whether it was worth hiding anything from you before ultimately deciding it was futile and proceeded to explain what they experienced in detail. They expected you to jump up, create some distance between you, or even scream at them in preparation for a fight, assuming they had been afflicted by whatever cursed illness had befallen them but to their surprise you started laughing, loud carefree amused giggles erupting from your beautiful lips.

"Arisen pardon my question but why are you so amused? I fear I'm sick, befallen by some cursed illness."

"You really don't understand it?", you asked chuckling as he shook his head, "oh silly, you're just jealous."

"Jealous? Like a human? But it cannot be! You must be mistaken!"

Confusion mingled with their thoughts, questions emerging from the back of their mind as how they, a mere pawn, were able to experience such a profoundly human emotion. As they kept replaying all those nights at camp in their mind, your explanation made sense all over sudden. Although it rose one final question they didn't dare to ask out loud. If they felt jealous when they saw you with someone else, did that mean you meant more to them? You laid down beside them and placed a gentle kiss on their cheek, keeping your lips pressed against them for a tiny moment while you felt the heat rushed to your face.

"You needn't be jealous about anyone", you murmured, "let's get some sleep."

Part 3

[katyspersonal]

Girl help I am having an existential crisis…am I insane or did SOMETHING happen to the Research Hall that caused it to flood?? Did it flood?? Please I need your analytical brainpower to help me out because I am certain the place flooded and that’s why Ebrietas’ arena is in water ruins and why it looks so messed up in the present day waking world. I just don’t know WHAT would have caused it to flood? HELP!!

Hey! I understand the confusion! My very first thought, likewise, was that the Research Hall (aka the Clocktower place) sorta collapsed and Ebrietas is just at the bottom of it.

In the Nightmare, this big altar of headless woman decorated with gold also doubles as secret Surgery Altar that leads to the clocktower laboratory, so yeah, connection is simple to make! The Clocktower lab just collapsed to where she is now, right? However, taking better look at Ebrietas' arena, I ended up with a couple of ideas.

So, yeah, the familiar fucked up 'person in distress' statues found all over Yharnam at some point, our old friends! The parts of some architecture I guess... Wait, what- [shuffled film sound effect]

The stalactites??? WHY??????

I remind you, the stalactites are mineral formations that take a while to form. I mean, Hunter's Dream is at least 30 years old, but... sure, the ones of this size needed to take muuuuuch longer. So this made me think - maybe rather than this place (sort of a cave) being the result of Clocktower research lab collapsing, this place, instead, was sort of underground ruins place from the very start? Some sort of secret archaeology (and general graves robbing- pardon, tomb prospecting works) source going on while Research Hall was doing their thing.

And, there is an evidence of sorts:

This shield you find IN Research Hall, which hints at the fact that first Healing Church was using it, and later they just grabbed it and mass dived with it in Isz dungeons.

I talked about it more elaborate in the 'Healing Church and Byrgenwerth used to be the one' post ( x ), but basically: Willem and his friends found a hint of Arcane in the dungeons, they started researching, Research Hall + Healing Church were born, when patients got a hunch of 'stars' the prospectors were sent in Isz dungeons to find more, 'stars' + the ' Abandoned Ebrietas' were discovered and served as birth of the Choir.

Basically, this leaves me with the thought that 'Altar of Lamentation' (or 'despair', or 'grief') is not a crumbled place beneath research labs, but, in fact, a messed up and sealed entrance to Isz dungeons - hence the formations typical for rather old caves, such as stalactites!

So, what is the water all over the place? I have two versions, I guess? First is simple - these are implied to be Ebrietas' tears... I mean, it was translated as 'Altar of Despair', but, more accurate translation is 'altar of grief' or 'altar of lamentation', and:

It is also interesting that at the 'altar' she weeps at, that is heavily implied to be Rom, there are candles placed:

Which implies that they knew darn well WHY Ebrietas was crying. So, maybe, it was the first time she cared? Or maybe Rom was very ancient, so they genuinely did NOT know why.

I featured screenshots from Altar of Despair and from Yahar'gul. You can also factor in 'pebbles' that are implied to be human eyes not cared for properly (unlike Bloodshot Eye item), petrified altar featuring Rom and blood gems and stones themselves, that the theme of petrification from large amount of Arcane is consistent in Bloodborne! Facturing this in, it is very possible that "statues" in Ebrietas' fighting arena actually used to be real people - who petrified from large Arcane outburst. Would not that explain their desperate, struggling poses?

Sizes matter very little too - as you remember, Pthumerians tend to have gigantic variants in their species. It could be a potential support for the theory that Rom was that very ancient Pthumerian who, apparently, got blessed by Kos; I remind you that literally NOTHING in canon states that Rom was one of the Byrgenwerth students. It is just a popular headcanon based on her placement as a boss!

So, for all we know, Rom was an ancient person who got blessed - and some scholars, especially Micolash, figured out approximate conditions, so Research Hall was devoted to 'listening to the ocean' to meet the same all-knowing fate as Rom. Her boss fights might be confusing but remember - Queen Yharnam is the second person who has both the astral 'friendly' body and dungeons 'hostile' body. Rom, whoever she was, might have undergone similar ritual - and for one reason or another, Ebrietas is upset about it, to the point of grief.

That makes the statues found in arena take an interesting turn. Perhaps, the fucked up 'desperate and pleading people' statues we see here and there in Yharnam, in fact, were taken from Isz. They are identical! Maybe earlier researchers decided they were cool decor element, never having realised they were people but petrified. Petrified by the ritual that got ancient person known as Rom ascended - a ritual Micolash tried to repeat but failed at.

On the other hand, Rom as a Great One is, probably, placed in the lake for a reason. I believe her control over what mortals can or cannot see is connected to controlling reflections! I explained my headcanons on how Rom used to be an important figure for the Choir the same way Micolash was for School of Mensis quite a few times, buuuut.

In this case, the water all over Ebby's arena could've been remains of the artificial 'body of water' created by Choir for Rom - so she could hide the horrible things from humans by controlling their reflections in the 'body of water'. If something has no reflection - it is as good as not existing, right? And, by effect, she could hide the cosmic horror esque things Choir was causing to happen - providing secrecy to the institution. All they needed to do is to poor Enough water in the area, that still hasn't dried out. Makes extra sense too, since Ebby's 'tears' appear to be bloody red ones - whereas the water underneath is blue (transparent)? Easily Willem was still with the Choir before the rift between him and Laurence - so maybe Rom was doing her job even back then!

As for the oddly 'emotional' statues in this version? Well, either they've been there long ago and had to do with things besides Rom, or it WAS the ritual that split Rom in two that got them petrified - they were just innocent bystanders!

So, in conclusion - I have about two versions, and both do not specify what REALLY happened with the Clocktower labs... But, it seems like Ebby's boss arena used to be entrance in Isz. A normie hunter would have had to perform a ritual right there, we need to use the Hunter's Dream instead.

Maybe the labs were simply shut down. I believe that did happen with Laurence's disconnect with the Arcane and falling for blood ministration completely. I only mentioned that Emilia's prayer features 'seek the old blood' part when the one white church hunter reads at surgery altar misses this line for like... 50 times lol, so make your conclusions!

[cafeleningrad]

I hate Sandor because he called Sansa a stupid little bird and a bad liar and mocked her father's death. I'm under no obligation to hate the morally worst characters the most, just as I'm under no obligation to like the morally best characters the most. I like Sansa/Tyrion. Secondly I consider verbal abuse worse than beating and if you research domestic violence you will find many battered wives and daughters saying the same thing. You wouldn't judge a rape survivor for hating a character who raped, so please don't judge us who were verbally abused by adult men as 12yo girls for hating the character who reminds us of our abuser. I dislike GRRM's choice for Sansa to not dislike Sandor and it made it hard for me to like her at first. I can handle ambiguity. I like Jaime and Theon and Catelyn. People who can appreciate ambiguity are allowed to personally dislike ambiguous characters.

Dear anon, assuming you do write about this trauma in genuine terms and not for tricking me into backing down, you have my sympathies what you had to go through. Do I understand your reaction to Sandor's actions being personally triggering? Your gripe on Sandor seems to be informed on a personal basis, and you can personally like and dislike a character. Yet I would ask you to not put words in my mouth. I did not ask you to like him, I wrote a reply to you demeaning a fandom trend which is indeed linked to albeism and lookism, championed by fans who did not go through the same trauma as you.

I don't know how to put this delicately, you can feel free to block me, though: Trauma is no competition. Anyhow, how different traumatic events affect us is different from person to person. I did go through bullying, homophobia, including verbal abuse and demeanor, and later the threat of sexual violence combined with institutional neglect. The latter was way worse for me. Yet that was how these things manifested for me. That does not make your trauma any lesser, it simply differentiates to what we react and feel as aggravating. Our discomforts are therefore not universally applicable, there're just boards who're more widely or less applicable. Considering ASOIAF: If Martin wrote Sansa being unaffected by Sandor being mean (which he becomes less and less the more they interact) that's less a fault on Martin's part, that is a choice of how a character reacts differently. For Sansa, being called a pretty little bird who parrots what her Septa told her was emotionally met by her as something like a rude first awakening to her disenchantment. Sandor speaking ill of Ned after his death might have been traumatic although the behavior of mocking her did lessen the more they interacted. At this point Sandor's words towards Sansa read to me as insensitive but not with the intend to emotionally wound her. And Martin did include verbal abuse as trauma for Arya who feels ever so often gendered and social pressure by being passive aggressively demeaned, Brienne's gender struggles being partly caused by explicit insults and mockery, and Sam who's still shaken by his father's words and insults.

At this point, I sincerely hope you understand that I'm trying to point out a structural problem and not demean your personal distress: A lot of Sansa's abuse was caused by an entire social dynamic to end up in the proximity of the man who was abrasive to her. You read Sandor as verbally abusive. Cersei did also demean Sansa, call her "Not very clever" if not stupid. Jeoffrey mocked her publically. The verbal abuse, if it can be even applied to Sandor, was well continued by these two, even in front of others as well. Point being, the abuse Sansa suffers is by at large caused by socially powerful people but also an entire systematic social circle who could cease the abuse yet let it go on. As and others might read Sandor as single grave abuser, the systematic failure towards Sansa, as well as individuals how abuse her the same way if not in other ways, is a significant form of abuse which is entire theme in Sansa's arc.

[lildark1]

“You’re Safe Now” MFS Raylla

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33022957

“You’re safe now.”

The words didn’t make sense, their meaning not matching up with the lips forming the words. Lips she thought she’d never see again, lips that had been wide in screams of hopelessness and loss the last time they had been together.

Nothing made sense, dying over and over again did that to a mind. Seeing her long dead mother alive, but dying from The Witch’s Plague, did that to a mind. Tears burned her eyes as she remembered seeing her mother in that...Place. Assuring she loved Raelle and apologizing for abandoning her. She had thought at first it was the last desperate slivers of hope a dying mind conjured for comfort. But then she had opened her eyes and seen her mother laying on the ground, cloaked in that damned plague. The Plague she had taken from Raelle to save her. She had been alive all this time, but now dead. 

The tears spilled down her face and she curled onto her side, wrapping her arms around her body as she found herself mourning her mother all over again. So lost in her grief she barely felt the bed dip and strong arms pull her close. Her forehead pressed against Scylla’s chest as sobs racked her body, the only word passing her lips was a soft and mournful ‘Mama’.

So much she had wanted to say, to yell, to plead. She never thought she would have the opportunity, but then for just a brief moment, when both hung between life and death in the strange limbo the Mycellium had created, she could only stare and cry. And now her mother was gone. Again. Never to come back. So many questions that would never be answered. The only person who knew was gone.

Scylla closed her eyes, holding her lover (because no matter what happened she would always love Raelle above all else) close as grief washed through her frame. In all her life she never knew anyone as powerful as Raelle, but grief had stripped her strength away, leaving her feeling as brittle and light as fallen leaves. She carded her fingers through Raelle’s hair, the other hand rubbing her back to try and offer what little solace she could. “She loved you so much Raelle. You were her entire world.” She didn’t know if Raelle could hear above her grief, but she felt like something needed to be said. She did know Raelle was going to have questions, going to have fury and confusion that would have no outlet, but Scylla wouldn’t run away. No matter what occurred she was going to stay this time.

When Raelle felt she could cry no more she fell into a restless sleep, one arm still slung around herself in protection, while her other hand tangled in Scylla’s sweater. By the time she woke she couldn’t tell if minutes had passed or hours, she just knew she was still tangled in Scylla’s arms. She knew that touch too well, the smell of magnolias that wrapped around her. Almost on instinct she snuggled closer, seeking the warmth and comfort that her body craved almost as much as water.

But before she became too comfortable reality settled back in and she almost jerked away, thankful when Scylla didn’t fight her. Large blue eyes, those damn eyes, looked up at her, concern and sorrow shining in the buttery light provided by the room. Room? She looked around, seeing they were in some kind of hotel room? 

“What happened?” Her throat burned, weather from crying or the torture she wasn’t sure. She just gratefully accepted the water given and gulped it down, grimacing at first as it ran like broken glass down her throat, before soothing the ache. 

“We found you in the facility,” Scylla replied. “We got you out.”

“We?”

“Me, Abigail, some guy she brought with her and...your mother.”

The grief rose again like bile in teh back of her throat, but Raelle pushed it down. She had her moment to grieve. She needed answers now. “My mother died years ago.”

“No, she had survived, had tried to make things better for you.”

“How do you know this? Why were you with her?”

Scylla licked her lips, searching for the right words, but did those actually exist in a moment like this. The right thing was only the truth. “Your mother was the leader of the cell i was in.”

“Your cell. She was…” Raelle pushed back, the truth an almost physical force as she tried to process what she was hearing.

“She was Spree.”

“No.” Raelle shook her head, lingering pain and confusion still making it difficult to put all of this together.

“We heard that you had been captured and came to find you.”

Raelle dug her fingers into her hair, struggling to get her mind to settle down. She felt fingers wrap gently around her arm and opened her eyes to stare into Scylla’s. She couldn’t help it, her stomach flipped as she looked into those eyes. “So you really are Spree. And so was my mother. Jesus.”

Scylla could only nod. What else was she supposed to say to that?

Raelle’s head dropped forward again, trying to make sense of everything, but that was next to difficult. Fatigue reared its head and she laid back down, grimacing as her body ached. Her hand cupped her ribs, sure she was going to feel the jagged edge of bone sticking out from her skin. For a moment she could feel the stone pressing down on her, slowly crushing the life from her body and her eyes flew open.

“Easy,” Scylla said, resting her hand on Raelle’s shoulder.

“Easy...i was just tortured to death...multiple times. I don’t think easy is going to be part of my vocabulary for a while,” Raelle snapped without thinking. Anger was always an easier emotion to deal with, and sounded a much easier jagged pill to swallow than the mental wounds she was no doubt going to have to deal with. A soft gasp beside her made her turn, seeing the horror and sorrow on Scylla’s face.

“You...you died?”

Raelle paused, not realizing what had come out of her mouth until she saw the genuine horror and distress on the other woman’s face. She let out a breath, wrung out and she laid down, curling back up and closing her eyes. “Guess it runs in the family.”

Scylla looked down at Raelle, mouth opening and closing as questions raced through her mind, spreading as rapidly as the plague. But it was obvious Raelle wasn’t ready, may never be. Too much had been lost between them. She shifted for a moment, unsure what to do now. It looked like Raelle was falling asleep so she would just leave her to it. She would need the rest to let her body recover. ‘Especially if she had died.’ The thought was alien, how could she have come back to life. ‘I know you’re powerful, but that powerful?’

She made to get up, to move back over to the chair because despite the shaky ground they stood on, Scylla wasn’t going to just leave.

As she made to get up she felt a hand wrap in the cuff of her sweater, stopping her.

A bleary blue eye looked up at her before closing again and she tugged softly at the sleeve. Raelle needed some type of familiarity right now and despite their past, she needed Scylla, at least for this moment.

The bed dipped and she felt Scylla curl up in front of her again and she pressed her face into Scylla’s chest. “Rest,” Scylla whispered into the quiet.

Raelle didn’t know if she really knew the meaning of that word any more, but she let the gentle rhythm of Scylla’s breathing lull her and she gave into the darkness, letting it pull her down.

[justalitlecreacher]

Anakin Skywalker Deserved Better

Ive made this post before but it was really rough and i meant to edit it later and its later now but its been so long that i don’t feel like finding the og post so here we are. If it’s not obvious i care more than a normal amount about Anakin Skywalker.

Tl;Dr: I firmly believe that there are so many points in the prequel series, the clone wars, and even the comics that some level of intervention could have steered Anakin away from falling in Revenge of the Sith.

The Phantom Menace 

This is our first encounter with Anakin, and it does a decent job at introducing us to him. This movie sets up his tragic backstory™️ and gives us a good look at his personality; Anakin appears selfless and eager to help complete strangers in return for nothin when he first brings Qui-Gon and crew to his home to give them shelter, and then risks his life in the podrace to help them afford the part they need to fix their ship. Aside from introducing and developing Anakin not much else happens until Qui-Gon brings Anakin before the Jedi Council where they decide he is too old and there is already too much anger in him to be trained as a Jedi. Qui-Gon disagress, but we move on to Naboo where 9-year old Anakin blows up a very large ship all; by himslef w/ autopilot ( they grow up so fast), Qui-Gon dies, and we get our first look at Palpatine being creepy in hindsight, “And you, young Skywalker, we will watch your career with great interest.” not all that weird out of context but uncomfy when you remember who Palpatine is.

Before we move on i actually want to flashback to Anakin’s first encounter with the Jedi Council. For a group of people who constantly take in and raise children, the Jedi seem to do a poor job interacting with them. A kind of infuriating thing about this scene is that the Jedi seem to shame Anakin for being afraid (no matter how much Anakin himself denies that fear). This scene does a really good job at setting up how the Jedi consistently fail to take into account that Anakin is fundamentally incapable of being a “normal” Jedi. Anakin has had a fundamentally different childhood than any other Jedi and absolutely needed more help and support than the average Padawan from the very beginning. Granted it is possible that the Jedi tried to get him the help and support he needed, but if they did we can infer they failed from Dooku’s line in Revenge of the Sith, “I sense great fear in you, Skywalker. You have hate, you have anger, but you don’t use them.”

Obi-Wan And Anakin Comic

The Obi-Wan and Anakin comics take place sometime between The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. The story focuses on Anakin and Obi-Wan investigating a distress signal on a planet that has been destroyed by war. The comic also flashes back to reveal that Anakin is thinking of leaving the Jedi Order after Palpatine shows him the dark side of Coruscant, and tells him that neither the Jedi nor the Senate will be able to do anything about it. We get more creepy (not just in hindsight this time) moments out of Palpatine here. The first one is when he uses his position as Chancellor to gain access to Anakin under the guise of “helping” him.  “Why young Skywalker is a Jedi, is he not? The Jedi are under the Senate’s jurisdiction. And as I am the Chancellor of the Senate...”. Palpatine proceeds to take Anakin to a club of some kind where they see a corrupt senator gambling; Palpatine also mentions how “Lives are bought and sold here everyday” he then makes a show of apologizing for bringing it up considering Anakin’s past.Without context this would seem harmless enough, but with the context of Palpatine’s true identity it is more likely a ploy to subelty remind Anakin of how the Jedi and Senate are unable or unwilling to intervene on Tatooine or the rest of the Outer Rim. Palpatine reminding Anakin of the Senate and Jedi’s inability to help everyone seems to be a running theme in their meeting as the series continues. 

Aside from Palpatine being a creep; we see that Anakin is still just as willing and eager to help as he was in The Phantom Menace. His skills in mechanics result in him being briefly kidnapped so that he can fix weapons that will help one side to win the war that has destroyed the planet. Seriously Anakin is just so ernest in these comics that i shed tears because i know how his story ends. 

One character that Obi-Wan and Anakin team up with to reach the distress signal first mistakes Anakin for Obi-Wan’s son, and then tells Obi-Wan, “He [Anakin] doesn’t think so. Kid idolizes you. You can see it” when Obi-Wan admits that he’s not sure he is the best suited to teach Anakin, and fears he has failed him in some way. As the story progresses, it is revealed in a flashback that after Anakin told Obi-Wan he wanted to leave the Order, Yoda sent the two of them on the mission they are currently on to give Anakin a chance to reconsider his decision, and Obi-Wan tells Yoda that if Anakin returned from the mission still wanting to leave the Order, Obi-Wan would leave with him to continue his training and keep his promise to Qui-Gon. 

Attack of the Clones

Back to the movies. Attack of the Clones reunites Obi-Wan and Anakin with Padmé Amidala when they are assigned to protect her from an assassin. One of ( if not the) most important elements to this movie are Anakin’s dreams/visions of his mother. Towards the beginning of the movie Anakin doesn’t explicitly say what the dreams are about, but it can be assumed that the dreams are unpleasant as he says, “I don't sleep well anymore.” in response to Obi-Wan commenting on him looking tired; going on to claim that he cannot sleep because of his dreams. Anakin later admits to Padmé that he worries about his mother. This is one of the key moments in Anakin’s life that set him up to fall in Revenge of the Sith. There is no reason i can think of that Anakin should not have been allowed to check on his mother if he was having dreams about her that prevented him from sleeping properly and made him worry for her safety. As Anakin says, “Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi's life, so you might say we're encouraged to love.”. If compassion truly is central to a Jedi’s life, then surely they could at the very least send one of their 10,000 Jedi to check on Anakin’s mother if he could not? Is it compassion to deny someone the help they need? I find it hard to believe that Anakin would not have told Obi-Wan that he was worried about his mother going off of how close they appear to be in the previous comic. Especially after Anakin responds to Obi-Wan joking about Anakin being the death of him one day with, “Don't say that Master... You're the closest thing I have to a father... I love you. I don't want to cause you pain.” 

Anakin and Padmé arrive too late to save Shmi, and she dies in Anakin’s arms. This is a crucial moment leading up to Anakin’s fall as it shows Anakin that his dreams have a very real potential of coming true and likely results in him blaming himself at least partially for not insisting on checking on his mother or getting there sooner or doing anything different that may have allowed her to survive; it’s also the first time we see Anakin really lose control. There have been instances of him lashing out in anger before (turning a pair of padawans’ lightsabers against them when he hears them making fun of him behind his back), but nothing like what happens in the wake of Shmi’s death. Anakin wipes out the entire village of Tusken Raiders; children included. And while Anakin does express genuine remorse for his actions, he never faces consequences for them. It’s not even clear if anyone but Padmé ever finds out; Yoda claims to feel Anakin’s pain in the wake of his mother’s death, but does not appear to see Anakin’s actions, and is not shown to discuss what happened on Tatooine with Anakin at all.

Some light googling on my part revealed that in the novelization of Attack of the Clone, while Anakin did tell Obi-Wan about his mother’s death it was Padmé who told Obi-Wan how she had died, but Obi-Wan is unaware of what happened afterwards. “Anakin had told him of Shmi’s death; that was why he and Padmé had gone to Tatooine, he said. Obi-Wan had talked to Padmé later, and she had explained that Shmi had been kidnapped and killed by Tusken Raiders. Neither of them had been willing to go into much detail, and from what Obi-Wan knew of the Tusken Raiders, he didn’t blame them. It was no wonder Anakin seemed shaken, if his mother had been tortured and killed. One day, perhaps, Anakin would be willing to tell him the whole story.” Obi-Wan appears to know that there is more to the story than he has been told, but it content to wait until Anakin is ready to talk about it. I wonder if they ever had that conversation.

Anakin’s inability to save his mother even after the warnings he receives in his dreams likely leads to his desperation to save Padmé form the danger he believes her to be in later in Revenge of the Sith. He has been shown once before that his dreams can easily come true, and he is desperate to prevent this dream from coming true no matter what the cost may be. 

The Clone Wars

This is gonna be a long one; it’s gonna have to cover the most relevant episodes of The Clone Wars and oh boy that’s not a small amount. Im gonna try to go chronologically but bear with me (if you actually read this far you know what you got yourself into)

Assassin s3ep7

In this episode Ahsoka begins having visions of Padmé being assassinated similarly to how Anakin dreamed of his mother’s and later Padmé’s deaths. The difference with Ahsoka is that she is able to prevent the visions from becoming reality.  What i want to focus on in this episode is the reaction Ahsoka gets when she tells Yoda about her dreams. Yoda explains to her that her dream may be telling her something and provides her with the means to act on her visions to prevent them from becoming true.

When Anakin approaches Yoda about his dreams in Revenge of the Sith, Yoda simply tells him that death is natural and he must train himself to let go of everything he fears to lose. We could chalk this up to just a writing inconsistency, but i dont think i will. I would instead like to wonder why Yoda treats Ahsoka’s visions like they are something that can be changed but then treats Anakin’s like they are set in stone. Anakin has already proven himself capable of having true visions, and is more force sensitive than any other living Jedi. It makes no sense to dismiss Anakin’s feelings like this. All this to say looking into and helping Anakin to examine his dreams instead of telling him to let go when he has proven over and over to be incapable of doing so would likely have been significantly more helpful in the long run.

The Mortis Arc S3 Ep15-17

Honestly i dont have a lot to say on this arc aside how much psychic damage it dealt to see Anakin briefly turn to the dark side because he was so desperate o avoid the future The Son had shown him ( really hope everyone had the common sense not to bring that up to Anakin after the fact though).

 The Deception Arc S4 Ep15+18

In this arc Obi-Wan fakes his death in order to go undercover as the bounty hunter Rako Hardeen and uncover a plot to kidnap the Chancellor. This wouldn’t be a problem if they had brought Anakin in on the plan; instead they use Anakin’s reaction to Obi-Wan’s “death” to better sell the illusion. Obi-Wan even says, “Keeping Anakin on the outside was critical. Everyone knows how close we are. It was his reaction that sold the sniper. I'm sure of it.” Obi-Wan and the Council are fully aware of how much Obi-Wan means to Anakin, yet they all decide to use those feelings to their own advantage with little regard for the consequences.

On top of betraying Anakin’s trust; this move leads Anakin to doubt the Jedi Council and wonder what else they may be keeping from him if they  were willing to let him believe that Obi-Wan was dead as long as it suited their interests. “How many other lies have I been told by the Council? And how do you know that you even have the whole truth?”. 

I just cannot imagine why they thought they even had to use Obi-Wan for this plan. In the Obi-Wan and Anakin comic, Obi-Wan claims that there are 10,000 Jedi; surely there is someone less connected or with less attention on them who would be more suited to go undercover without the element of faking their death. Or if faking their death was necessary, surely they could have picked a Jedi who was not closely attached to arguably the most emotionally unstable Jedi in the Order. Anyone else would have been better. I don’t doubt that Anakin was telling the truth when he said, “If it was up to me I would kill you right here! But lucky for you, the man you murdered would rather see you rot in jail.”.

The Deception Arc just really grinds my gears because it really is almost like the Council wants Anakin to fall. There really is no excuse for how they use his bond with Obi-Wan against him for their own gain. The Council and Obi-Wan know full well how much Anakin loves Obi-Wan (see Anakin referring to Obi-Wan as the closest thing he has to a father in Attack of the Clones), and chose to use this vulnerability against Anakin in the worst way possible. 

This arc really sets Anakin to later doubt Obi-Wan and the Council in Revenge of the Sith, and make it easier for Palpatine to convince Anakin that no Jedi would understand him and that they would likely kick him out of the order and not help him. ( heck he even has a recent memory of the Jedi expelling a 14 year old from the Order for the sake of not looking bad in the eyes of the Senate. “I understand your sentiment, Obi-Wan, but if the Council does as you suggest, it could be seen as an act of opposition to the Senate. I'm afraid we have little choice.” i might go more in depth on this one later but this doesn’t feel like the right place as this is a post about Anakin and i don’t want to make and Ahsoka centric arc all about him).  

That wraps up the Clone Wars! Finally!

Revenge of the Sith

Ok big finale. Revenge of the Sith; so close to being my favorite Star Wars movie, but it almost made me cry in the library so its my second favorite (Attack of the Clones is my favorite). 

I’ve already touched on the dreams Anakin has of Padmé’s death in the Clone Wars segment, but it bears repeating and i have more to touch on. Im not 100% if im misremembering or not but i cannot recall Anakin ever explicitly telling Palpatine about his dreams, but Palpatine knows that Anakin fears for Padmé’s life anyway. It’s possible that Anakin just told him off screen but a fic i read recently ( It’s called give me one more night by Spongyllama on AO3 and it is so worth the read) introduced me to the theory that it had been Palpatine sending Anakin the dreams to begin with.

This theory has a good amount of legs to stand on honestly. As mentioned previously, Anakin never tells Palpatine about his dreams, but Palpatine still knows exactly what to tell Anakin to best manipulate him. Furthermore; Anakin’s dreams very likely would never have come true if Anakin hadn’t fallen; Padmé reportedly dies of heartbreak, something that could not have happened had Anakin not fallen. All signs point to Palpatine being behind the dreams (and we know that Anakin and Palpatine are close by the time Attack of the Clones occurs so it’s not out of question that Anakin may have told Palpatine about the dreams about his mother, giving Palpatine the idea to use those dreams against him later)

Conclusion

Honestly the biggest thing i think the Jedi could have improved on was just trying to understand Anakin better. The average age for entering the order is 2 to 3 compared to Anakin’s 9. Anakin entered the order years after any other Jedi, and because of that was able to remember his mother and had formed attachments (or attachment but i digress) before he had even reached the order. It should have been obvious from the start that if Anakin were to ever become a successful Jedi he would need significantly more help than the usual padawan.

We frequently see Anakin scolded for forming attachments or being too emotional (see Clone Wars s1e6-7 where R2-D2 goes missing and Anakin suggests taking a squad out to look for him “Anakin, it's only a droid. You know attachment is not acceptable for a Jedi.”(Obi-Wan) “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”(Yoda). etc etc)  But, to the best of my knowledge, we never really see anyone showing Anakin how to let go. Anakin lacks the tools he needs to properly deal with his emotions, so the best he can do is shove them down and pretend they don’t exist because to him that’s what a proper Jedi does. No one has ever told him otherwise. The explosion was inevitable.

Anakin Skywalker was a traumatized child who was most likely never taken to therapy or told how to deal with/ healthily show his emotions in any way other than to ignore them or push them aside on top of being manipulated by Sith Lord from a young age. With all these factors is it really a surprise that Palpatine was able to turn him?

ok im done; see yall next time ig

[apiratewhopines]

Thanks to @teamhook for the artwork! So fancy!

Midnight

Chapter 4 — The Ball

Summary: In which our heroine feels exposed

Chapter 4 of 7 on AO3

“Some day, when I’m awfully low

When the world is cold

I will feel a glow just thinking of you”

-The Way You Look Tonight, Fred Astaire

Having spent several days eating her way through Misthaven with one eye on the lookout for black sedans, Emma was glad to be heading away from the town and the emotional memories the sight of a pub or gas station would cause. She wasn’t sure why one innocent night with Killian Jones continued to dominate her thoughts and hijack her dreams, but she feared seeing him again would push her over the edge.

That didn’t keep her from wanting to though.

On some level, she knew he had probably already forgotten her. Perhaps he did before the night was even over. Some other passenger might be walking around his place now, wearing his shirts and eating his pancakes.

Because when she dreamed about Door Number One, they always had pancakes for breakfast.

Despite her stubborn heart’s refusal to cooperate, the last couple of days had not been wasted. Arthur turned out to be a man of his word. Like a crazy fairy godmother who sprinkled cold hard cash instead of pixie dust and magic, he kept her supplied in the finest clothes and the chicest accessories. At the same time, he made sure her social calendar buzzed with invitations from a who’s who of Misthaven’s finest and wealthiest families. Events that inevitably threw her together with Lance more often than not.

It was at a garden soirée the previous day Lance had pressed to drive her out to Camelot, Arthur’s sprawling estate just a couple of hours away. Figuring the sooner she got the weekend over with, the better, she remained elusive only long enough to be convincing and then accepted his offer.

She already figured out Lancelot du Lac was a man who enjoyed the chase. She also discovered underneath his rakish exterior was someone who desperately wanted to find love while at the same time being deathly afraid of it. Normally, Emma wasn’t one to psychoanalyze. Still, the funny thing about rich people’s parties was that they were actually very dull, and she had nothing to do but regret not kissing the Captain before they parted ways or come up with profiles on the personalities she encountered.

Psychoanalysis seemed like the safer option.

Now she was waiting in the lobby of the Ritz for Lance’s foreign sports car to arrive so she could finally shake the dirt of this town off her feet. She hoped she could shake the lingering sadness as well. It was doing things to her. Things like making her hear the Captain’s voice in crowds.

“Swan! Swan! Emma, if you don’t turn around this instant—“

Excitement and abject horror battled for supremacy when she realized it wasn’t her mind playing tricks on her. As if in slow motion, she turned in the direction of his voice and her eyes met his across the vast space. Then she watched as Killian Jones began to sprint toward her, pushing people out of his way none too gently while managing not to crease his startlingly posh blue suit. This wasn’t the flirty Uber driver of a few nights ago, all leather and innuendo. Sure he had the same sex hair and twinkling blue eyes, but this man exuded power and authority and, quite frankly, looked more than a little pissed as he closed the distance between them with frightening speed.

Unaware of the drama playing out, one of the valets rushed to her and announced breathlessly, “Baroness, your ride has arrived.”

“I… I’ll be right there.”

Emma couldn’t break eye contact with him. His face was just as she remembered it, as it should since it was less than a week ago when she last saw him. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked frantic to get to her. He seemed to know she was contemplating an escape and he paused briefly, not caring who heard him when he called across the remaining ground between them, “So help me, Swan, if you run again, I swear I will—“

She didn’t hear the rest of what he said as a herd of visitors passed between them chattering loudly in some foreign language, the group taking photos of the architecture and potted plants as if they were worthy of remembrance. She had a brief opportunity to step out unseen under cover of the mob separating them. To forever give this man who haunted her the slip.

Or she could stay.

God, did she want to stay.

—

The estate was as lovely as one would expect. Ancient oak trees lined the drive and gave way to topiaries precisely cut into fantastical shapes as the car approached the main house. Lance regaled her with tales of the vast land Arthur inherited, the numerous homes on the property, and the complete absence of any cell or internet services once you crossed the boundary.

It seemed old man Soberano convinced himself the emerging technologies were a way for the government to spy on people and had forbidden, by way of his last will and testament, any cell towers or fiber lines from ever crossing the property. It was why as coveted as an acquaintance with the family was, people often grumbled when they received an invitation to the country estate rather than one of the other properties throughout the globe. The ancient landline phones served as the communication system for the large estate and the only connection to the outside world.

Of course, most of his ramblings went in one ear and out the other because she was too busy wondering why Killian had been at the Ritz in a suit that looked like it was made for him. She would know. After all, she was now in possession of a wardrobe filled with custom pieces and carefully tailored lines.

Was it a fluke encounter or was he still searching for her? He would give new meaning to the phrase ‘no stone left unturned’ if his sole reason for coming to the premier hotel in town was to look for the broke woman he gambled on and lost. Literally.

“Darling, I feel like you haven’t heard a word I said the whole journey,” Lance gently complained as he helped her out of the low seats of the car and up the grand stairs leading to the front door. He appeared genuinely distressed at her distance, and for the first time, she felt a twinge of guilt for the ridiculous game she was playing.

“I’m sorry. I had some bad news right before we left, and I’m a bit distracted,” she explained, allowing Lance to take her hand as they approached the Soberanos who were waiting for them in the foyer. Their linked hands did not go unnoticed by either of their hosts, although to widely different responses.

Learning she was at the opposite end of the mansion from Lance, the group moved to the second floor together. The servant leading them turned to Lance and said helpfully, “Good news, Mr. du Lac, we found the cuff link you lost on your last visit. It was in Madam Soberano’s sitting room.”

Sheepishly, he looked to Emma as if ready to offer an excuse. Unable to keep a chuckle from escaping at the crazy situation, she patted his arm and said, “The wind must have blown it in.”

With that, the group separated. Arthur replaced Lance at her arm and smiled indulgently at his protege. “You’re quite good. You have him eating out of your hand, and you’re not even trying.”

“I’ve met his type before. The less I try, the more he will. He’ll be begging me to divorce my husband and proposing before the end of the night at this rate,” she joked.

“You don’t know Lancelot du Lac,” Arthur argued. Their leisurely stroll through the second-floor gallery allowed her to see pictures of his ancestors back to the Norman invasion, but she noted there was none of him or his beloved wife who he was fighting so hard to keep.

“Well, you don’t know Emma Swan. He tried to give me an emerald the size of a baby’s fist today.” She had been tempted to pocket the jewel, but some small part of her knew what she was doing was wrong and robbing the man blind when she had no intention of ever returning his affections wouldn’t make it any better.

“Excellent! I won’t even deduct it from your pay if you promise to take him for all he’s worth and break his heart, dear. It will do him some good.”

“How are you still friends with him? Knowing what he’s doing with your wife. I can’t figure out if you’re the most understanding man in the world or absolutely crazy.”

Sighing, he sat down on one of the numerous benches that lined the gallery floor and patted the seat beside him. Emma didn’t know precisely how or when it happened, but he had become almost a friend after the deal was struck. She spent as much time with him as she did Lance and, despite the fact she thought he was extremely odd, she had grown fond of him. “Because I think he was trying to make her happy at first. I told you she wasn’t the only one to make mistakes. This whole thing is my fault. It was my foolish pursuit of wealth that drove her to this, endlessly trying to carve my name into the family tomes as one of the best empire builders in the dynasty. If I had been there for her, if I had just listened when she tried to tell me what she needed…well, we wouldn’t be here having this conversation.”

“I hope for your sake this works.”

“And I hope for your sake, the next time a man tries to give you an emerald, you keep it.”

“How do you know I didn’t keep it?”

“Because I think I’m starting to know Emma Swan,” he explained with a wink and smile before pulling her up and taking her to the east wing. Dropping her off at her room, he teased, “Get some rest, dear. Cinderella needs to be at her best for the ball.”

With a sardonic grin, she countered, “Hard to be at your best when you know every Cinderella has her midnight.”

Hours later, after a nap and a fortifying drink, she shrugged into her form-fitting green dress like it was battle armor. She was joking earlier when she said a proposal would be forthcoming, but she had no doubt Lance would make a proposition of some kind. The trick would be to keep him on the line without actually following through with anything.

She left her room as late as possible to avoid spending too much time around the pampered elite who were her housemates that weekend. While she had met a fair few during her crash course in Misthaven society, Arthur was the only one she didn’t mind having a conversation with, but he was unlikely to abandon Guin’s side to keep her company. Especially since it would put a damper on Lance’s pursuit.

Her destination was the expansive, three-tiered back deck, illuminated by thousands of clear fairy lights and a fair number of fireflies, the faint breeze carrying the briny smell of the ocean that lay only a few feet beyond their well-tended lawn. The men in tuxedos added a dashing contrast to their partners’ colorful evening gowns and cocktail dresses. A string quartet was playing off to the side; the beautiful melody drifted through the party in a way that enhanced the romantic atmosphere to a point it made her hurt.

She was surprised to see Arthur standing alone through the wall of windows. She stopped to take in the scene, complete with busy waitstaff and tables of food.

She couldn’t wait to get away.

“Alright, Guinevere, you want to talk, let’s talk. I have a few serious words to say.”

Silently moving until the curtains partially hid her, Emma watched as Lance and Guinevere made their way toward the patio. Guinevere’s eyes were red and she was fretting with a handkerchief gripped tightly between her hands. “As if you had two serious words in your whole vocabulary, Lance.”

“I could make a very noble speech. Tell you we were just two ships passing in the night, but the truth is, Arthur is my friend. I don’t want to break up a happy marriage. We’ve been playing with fire, but it’s better to end this now before someone gets hurt.”

“Funny how none of that mattered until the baroness showed up. I know you think you are in love with her. I can see it in your face every time she is around. You’re behaving like a schoolboy. You’re a darling, but you need to be careful. We don’t know anything about her. All we have is her word that she is who she says she is. I’ve asked around; no one has ever heard of her. Maybe her hair is dyed, and maybe she’s poisoned three husbands. Sidney told me there was some man calling her a swan and chasing her at her hotel today. It had all the staff talking.”

“You’re jealous, Guin.”

“Terribly. Fun, isn’t it?” The woman rushed from the room, tears flowing freely now. Emma didn’t move from her hiding place, instead waiting until he had joined the party before she followed in his footsteps.

—

As she predicted, Lance made sure he was her partner for most of the night. She followed Guin’s movements with alarm, knowing the woman was on edge and fearful of what she may do if she felt she had nothing to lose. Her glance met Arthur’s when she saw his wife and Sidney go inside, heads close together and a look of shock crossing Guin’s face. The other man nodded at her and trailed after them at a distance.

She wasn’t sure what possessed her to let Lance lead her away from the party into the formal gardens spreading north of the patio. Perhaps she was tired of having to put a fake smile on her face, or maybe she was simply tired.

He kept a steady stream of conversation going, mostly unanswered on her side, and navigated them down an old stone path to a large fountain surrounded by benches and meticulously pruned rose bushes. “Please don’t interrupt, dear, but suppose we were to follow this path all the way to the garage and take my car for a ride through the countryside.”

“Oh, the make-believe game! It’s always been one of my favorites. But why stop at the countryside, Lance? Why not go on a tour of the moon while we’re at it?”

“I asked you not to interrupt,” he teased, pulling her arm through his and continuing to amble further away from the house. “You see, this isn’t some random trip. We have a particular place we are heading. A little estate by the lake where an opinionated old dame lives. It’s twenty ’til midnight. If we leave now, we can make it as dawn is breaking.”

Intrigued despite herself, she asked, “And what business would we have at this chateau by the lake?”

“I want you to meet my mother. To introduce you to her and tell her that I’ve met the one. Then the pale light of dawn will shine on the first day of our lives together.”

He was serious, and she felt like the lowest of human beings when she joked back, “I doubt the day will be the only thing breaking when that bombshell drops. Were we going to share the news with my husband before or after our visit?”

Before he could respond, Arthur called out from behind them on the path, “Baroness Jones, I believe you promised me a dance.”

He reached them seconds later with a pointed look at her. Although he was the picture of sophistication, she could tell by his quick pace something had happened. “A midnight dance as I remember.”

“Of course, please excuse me,” she murmured to Lance, who looked like he was about to protest as she took Arthur’s arm and allowed him to guide her back to the house. Keeping a calm expression on her face, she smiled and nodded to the people they passed and waited until they were out of earshot to ask, “What’s happened?”

“It’s midnight, dear. The ground has opened under our feet. That horrible friend of Guin’s, Sidney, did some digging and found out there is no Baroness Jones. They plan to make an announcement any moment now. I’m sorry I brought you into this mess, Emma.”

They reached the dance floor Arthur installed on the deck specifically for the party, but neither felt like dancing. Instead, they hovered along the back wall and waited for the troublesome pair to return from their scheming.

Sighing, she nudged his shoulder. “It was bound to happen sooner or later. We never really stood a chance at this working.”

“But we were so close. I could feel Guin changing, turning back to me. Now I may as well help her pack her bags,” he replied, grabbing two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter and handing one off to her. Clicking his glass against hers in a mock toast, he muttered, “Here’s to wasted years and endless torment.”

He downed the entire glass and, when she only took a sip, he reached out and downed hers as well.

She wasn’t sure what he had to be upset about. She was the one who was going to be exposed as a charlatan, forced to exit under the judgmental gazes of a house full of people who would dine on the story for months to come. Just as she was about to point out it could be worse, she saw Guin descend the stairs with Sidney hot on her heels. “Here we go.”

“I’ll stand by you as best I can,” Arthur promised, his hand coming to rest in the small of her back as if to provide some physical barrier against what was about to happen.

“Ladies and gentleman, may I have a moment of your time? As you know, Arthur and I pride ourselves on providing the best of entertainment at our parties, and I think you’ll find tonight’s will not disappoint. I have a story to share that I think will delight and amuse you. Under our roof tonight, we have a guest claiming one of the oldest names in European aristocracy.”

A murmur started in the crowd, musicians laying down their instruments, even the waitstaff and caterers ceased what they were doing. It seemed as if the entire universe held its breath waiting for Guin to continue. She could tell the woman enjoyed every moment of it.

“I don’t know how many of you are familiar with the heraldry of Cambridge nobility, but let me assure you that in all of England, there is no—“

From the patio entrance, the footman interrupted in a booming voice to announce the arrival of a late guest of note. “Baron Killian Jones.”

Emma had to grab Arthur’s arm to keep from falling when her knees buckled. In the soft light, the Captain looked like a fantasy. His dark hair mussed in a way that looked intentional, but she knew it resulted from repeatedly running his hand through it when he was frustrated. He was outfitted in a tuxedo, the crisp white shirt making his stubble seem even more dangerous in the moonlight. He surveyed the crowd looking for her, supremely unconcerned he had the attention of the entire party.

Arthur looked at the mysterious stranger and then took in her aghast expression and whispered, “Do you know him?”

At that moment, Killian’s eyes met hers and the heat she saw there made it difficult to think, much less speak. “Yes. Yes, I know him.”

“Right. All hope isn’t lost then,” Arthur said with forced cheerfulness as he disengaged her death grip on his arm and went to greet their visitor. In a loud voice, so nobody would have to strain to hear, he said, “Welcome to my home, my dear Baron. It’s been a long time since we’ve met.”

Despite the fact the men had never laid eyes on each other before, Emma observed the Captain as he quickly assessed the lay of the land and responded, “Yes, years and years. I hope you don’t mind me trespassing on your hospitality. I only just arrived in town and the hotel staff informed me my wife was spending the weekend here. I couldn’t wait to see her.”

“With such a charming companion, no one blames you,” Guinevere said smoothly, giving Sidney a look meant to quell any further talk and rushing to meet their newest arrival. “She’s kept us all so diverted this past week.”

Giving the woman a slight grin, he nodded. “I’m sure. She’s nothing if not diverting.”

Moving away from the Soberanos, he took the stairs two at a time until he was standing in front of her, mouth twisted in amusement and eyes on fire. He seemed to drink in the sight of her from the artless way the curls were falling down her back to how her hand was white-knuckled from holding on to a nearby chair.

“You found me.” Somehow her words sounded like both an accusation and a thank you. Her eyes searched his face for some clue as to why he was there.

“Did you ever doubt I would?”

Before anything else could be said, he pulled her into his arms and crushed his lips to hers. Plundering her mouth, not caring they had an audience numbering in the hundreds, he shifted his grip, one hand making its way to her hair and cradling the back of her head. The other drifted lower, moving her body until it pressed against the long length of his. The thin fabric of her dress allowed the heat of him to soak through to her skin which suddenly felt tight and she was desperate for more contact.

She leaned into him, allowing her hands finally to comb through the hair that had haunted her dreams. The silky strands provided a contrast to the rough drag of his facial scruff against her cheek, the feeling of him in her arms doing exactly what she wanted almost pushing her into sensory overload. She didn’t think, who could when faced with such an onslaught, her body moving on instinct. She moaned into his mouth, tongues tangling and tasting of champagne and need.

A throat cleared in the distance and reality came crashing back. Reluctantly, Killian pulled back, resting his forehead against hers and breathing unevenly.

With quiet wonder, she asked, “What are you doing here?”

“I was hungry to see my little wife.”

@teamhook @kmomof4 @jrob64 @stahlop @motherkatereloyshipper @xarandomdreamx @xsajx @klynn-stormz

[theonceandfutureking6481]

BBC's Merlin Season 1 Episode 3: The Mark of Nimue Analysis

*SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE SHOW*

First off I always look fondly on this episode, mainly for Morgana being hilarious and epic, I mean she has the best line in the whole episode:

Arthur: You could get hurt

Morgana: So could you.... if you don't get out of my way

This episode is also fun and interesting from the perspectives of plot, characters and themes. Sorry, this is extremely long, I have a lot of opinions about Merlin.

Gwen and Merlin

This episode is in many ways about Gwen and Merlin's friendship, it is the driving force behind all of Merlin's actions within this episode and is the stepping stone for this show considering how to find a balance between acting for the greater good without suggesting that the ends justify the means.

Merlin and Gwen are first off just very sweet, their friendship is really characteristic of this show's representation of friendship overall, just genuine love and consideration for others. It is also self-sacrificing, that's one thing about the relationships in this show they are so self-sacrificing.

When Merlin says to Gwen "I didn't like to see you upset." It reveals a wonderful fact of Merlin's characterisation that I would argue stays consistent for the whole show. His motivation is always grounded in how much he cares for the people around him. He cares deeply about his friends and they are largely his reason for doing the things he does. This line is a wonderful parallel to in season 3 when Merlin decides to let Morgana die (after he accidentally trips her down the stairs), but then in the end he heals her because he couldn't watch everyone's grief. Merlin cannot separate his actions from the people he's doing them for, and he can't stand to see people hurt when he has the power to fix it because the people he loves are his motivation, they are the reason he wants a better world. This show does establish (as I'll discuss further down) that what seems immediately right (healing Gwen's father etc) isn't necessarily the right decision to make for the greater good. This is some ways always questions the validity of Merlin's motivations and his actions, but I'd argue it more seeks to find a balance. Besides a Merlin who didn't act motivated by his love for others is not a Merlin that could have helped Arthur build Camelot.

Medievalism: duty and social obligation

Quick disclaimer cause I'm touching on a more scholarly issue here that I have limited knowledge of, so I will undoubtedly make mistakes and this is my opinion. Everything I write is my opinion, but that's more obvious when I'm commenting on the themes of a fictional world rather than making a comment on actual fields of study which is what I'm doing here.

BBC's Merlin is an example of medievalism, it is an engagement with the medieval era (or ideas/images associated with it) for modern times. I honestly don't know that much about medievalism, or the medieval era, certainly not enough to make an extensive commentary on its representation in Merlin. One thing I would argue is that Merlin's representation of friendship has its roots in idealised views of the virtues of the medieval era. For many people the Middle Ages represents a time of duty and social obligation, this on one hand does lead to a stringent class divide but it also finds its idealisation in the sort of friendship represented by Merlin. The premise in most societies that place great value on social obligation is that the needs of the community outweigh the needs of the individual, that people should sacrifice themselves for the community as a whole. Every society places emphasis on this in different ways and to greater or lesser extents and our view of it as being prevalent in the medieval era is largely an idealisation based in some historical reality but also our own desires about what this era represents. There is a kind of social responsibility in the relationships in Merlin, there is a great emphasis on loyalty which is part of this idealisation. However, Merlin makes it more personal than is often depicted. We idealise social responsibility and obligation, it is often tied into the social roles of people such as loyalty to a king, or paying back debts of honour which is a form of social obligation. Merlin is more about friendship, it takes our idealisation of medieval social obligation and makes it the obligation and loyalty we owe to people who love us and who we love. I will always say that fundamentally Merlin as a show is about love, and it emphasises what we owe to people in our lives in a way I believe echoes idealisation of medieval loyalty.

This idea can also be seen in Arthur's fundamental trust of others, his fundamental assumption that everyone around him is not seeking to harm him, and that people are generally good. This ties a bit into the idea of social obligation. Arthur's idealised world is one in which people have bonds of social obligation towards each other, that people are seeking to act in the interests of the community. It's an idealisation, both of the medieval era but also an idealisation in Arthur's own head of the world he lives in.

Morgana and Gwen

Their relationship is somewhat expanded on in this episode, and they are just so sweet. Gwen gives Morgana flowers to cheer her up and its just lovely. They have a very genuine and close relationship. Morgana also has great respect for Gwen, for the work she does, and she treats her with respect.

Morgana: "If she was a sorceress, why would she kneel on the cold stone floor every morning if she could make these things happen with a snap of her fingers, like an idle king."

Aside from being one of Morgana's many quality burns towards Uther, this also illustrates one of her greatest characteristics, her empathy and genuine respect and admiration for what Gwen does everyday. She doesn't see the class divide in the same way Uther sees it or Arthur pretends to see it.

Also interesting note I heard in a Merlin podcast (I can't remember which episode), it could have been the episode about this episode. It's called Destiny and Chicken (you can listen to it on Spotify and anywhere else you find podcasts- they even did an interview of Bradley James who plays Arthur at one point), and its very good. But, they said something interesting about the paralleling between the relationship between Merlin and Arthur and the relationship between Morgana and Gwen. Both are fundamentally important and genuinely caring relationships for the character. However, for Morgana and Gwen (unlike Merlin and Arthur) the class divide remains much more in place, Gwen treats Morgana like her friend but she also treats her like her mistress in a way Merlin just doesn't with Arthur (especially not so early in the show when he's not so admiring of Arthur). This isn't to say their relationship is bad or has problems, its just different whilst still acting as a parallel. I'm not sure exactly the extent to which I agree or what this says overall in themes but its definitely interesting to think about.

Uther: "A Good and Terrible King."

This episode shows Uther at both his best and his worst which is always fun because Uther is a genuinely interesting character. I got the line from my favourite Merlin fanfiction Coronation by rageprufrock, which you should definitely read, I'll link it down the bottom, it's not too long so you can read it in half an hour. It's a character study of Arthur more than anything else and its amazing, wonderful and deeply poetic. Uther is not a huge part of this fanfic, its about Arthur's character and his relationship with Merlin and his kingdom, I'm not even sure he actually appears. This line though perfectly tapped into how I always felt about Uther so it connected:

"He's been a good and terrible father, a good and terrible king."

I often think in characterising Uther we do tend to villainise him to an extent which I personally don't find accurate. This is obviously just my opinion, and I have a tendency to think the best of people so more intensely negative views of Uther are very jarring for me. He did terrible things and I truly believe he is the ultimate villain of the show but he is very human and he could be a good king and he loved his children more than anything else. We cheapen Merlin's point if we cast Uther as pure evil, everyone is capable of evil just as much as goodness. Uther is the tragedy (like Morgana) of a person who could have been good or at least halfway decent corrupted and destroyed by his own hate and ignorance. That's the point of the parallels between Uther and Morgana, we love Morgana and she was capable of so much good, but she corrupted herself with hate.

Onto this episode, Uther shows both his capability and goodness as a king in this episode as well as his hatred and ignorance. Uther's initial reaction to the fact that the plague is caused by magic is a concern about his own authority, which isn't entirely unfounded, but does reveal a huge priority of his which is control. He fears not being able to control, that's were his cruelty as a father comes from and to some extent his opposition to magic. This does not show Uther in the best light, but his actions later in regards to dealing with the plague show a decent king who cares about his people. This scene in which he tells Arthur to shut off the lower town perfectly illustrates this:

Arthur: But what about the people who live there

Uther: Don't you think I haven't considered it? What else can I do? I have to protect the rest of the city

In this situation Uther is right, there is very little other choice, he's making a hard call but it's one he has to make, and he seems genuinely distressed at having to make it. He does care about his people's well being, and he feels the burden of their protection, he can be a good King. Much of Arthur's story is in breaking away from the legacy of Uther, and rightly so, but Uther also taught him many things and one of those things is the duty Arthur has towards his people, it's a duty he takes even more seriously than Uther, but nonetheless he learnt it from him.

This however, as I've hinted, is not the whole story of this episode, Uther is also shown at his worst, and his worst is his ignorance and prejudice towards magic. He is willing to sacrifice justice and even sacrifices logical thought to his blind persistence that magic is evil.

Arthur: She's right Father. You hear the word magic you no longer listen.

Uther: You saw it for yourself, she used enchantments.

Arthur: Yes, maybe. To save her dying father, that doesn't make her guilty of creating a plague. One's the act of kindness, of love, the other of evil. I don't believe evil's in this girl's heart

Aside from what this says about Arthur. Arthur's comment about Uther hits right to the point of things "you hear the word magic you no longer listen". You no longer listen implies its a choice, and it is. Uther has made the choice for the last 20 years to choose to go on a dogmatic campaign of hate against magic because its easier than considering the alternative, that he was complicit in his wife's death. What Uther says immediately after "there are dark forces threatening this kingdom." is the argument used by so many people throughout history, used to justify so much hate. That there is an evil out there threatening the stability of life, that the world must be controlled and people have to live a certain way or risk destroying their own lives. It's an argument that justifies campaigns of hate and makes them personal to ordinary people who usually wouldn't care, and it is always a lie, that's not how the world works.

This episode thus shows Uther at his best and his worst, both a dutiful king and a stubborn tyrant. It's a tragedy of what he could of been, and shows how twisted up people can become when they justify their decisions with hate and fear.

Arthur

This is the first episode where Arthur really opposes Uther, he directly questions Uther's indiscriminate hatred of magic, and an episode where he realises to an extent he perhaps hadn't before some of the ways in which Uther has failed as a king. He also consciously acts in deception of Uther, because he can see Uther can't see sense. Arthur shows far more nuance of view than Uther does, understanding (even whilst still accepting as he will for a long time that magic is dangerous and it corrupts) that using magic doesn't make you automatically evil. To see the world the way Uther does is a conscious choice, you have to choose to be blind to the virtues of every apparent magic user you come across, you have to believe harmless spells are the signs of greater evil. Arthur is not someone who lets his own cowardice blind himself to reality, and so his worldview can see far more nuance than Uther can.

"One's the act of kindness, of love, the other of evil. I don't believe evil's in this girl's heart."

He further has a very positive view of others, Arthur will always see the good in people and that is a great strength in my view. In a lot of versions of the story Arthur's not just inspiring because he's good but because he assumes others are good too, he trusts people to do the right thing and I do believe that, that can inspire people to do the right thing. It's funny in Merlin Arthur's trust gets betrayed so many times but it never really hardens his heart, he continues to trust people no matter how many times he gets betrayed. This can be seen in his perception of Guinevere here, he will not assume she is evil because she has made a mistake, he can see the virtue in her actions, and he will assume goodness until proven otherwise. Innocent until proven guilty, in other words. It's its own form of justice, a justice Uther is forgetting, its a tenant of many legal systems and its a tenant Arthur clearly supports.

Arthur is also seeing his role as the king of Camelot in creating a Camelot that he would like to live in.

"Yes I am yet to be king, and I don't know what type of king I will be. But I do have a sense of the type of Camelot I would wish to live in. It would be where the punishment fits the crime."

It's not the Camelot he would wish to rule, its the Camelot he would wish to live in. Arthur wants to live in a just world, he wants his people to be treated with justice just as he would like to be treated with justice. This further illustrates that unlike Uther he is not letting anger or ignorance blind him to reality, he wants the world he lives in to be fair without exception.

Finding the Balance between The Greater Good and The Immediate Good

The Greater Good is a tricky concept, you can justify any amount of cruelty if it will lead to good later on, but do the ends justify the means? It's not really a question its ever possible to provide a definitive answer for. It's easy to say that they don't, that you should just do the right thing, the nice thing, the good thing in the moment but actions have consequences and doing the good thing all the time (especially in a position where thousands of lives depend on you) is not usually possible. Merlin tackles this theme, I believe, quite well, trying to find a balance between acting for the greater good and acting with what is immediately good, and this episode is a good example.

In a just and fair world you would be able to do good all the time, but this is not the case for everything, though you should never use the worlds not fair as an argument for not doing good things but I digress. Merlin's decision to save Gwen's father ultimately backfires on Gwen because the world is not fair, the world Uther has created mean even these acts of love are punishable with death. Because, for Uther, magic is magic, and magic is evil. Gaius was, in this situation, ultimately right, Merlin can't always do what is easy and what feels right because the consequences may not be good. In other matters like closing off the lower town, Arthur's initial response is concern for the people who live their, but Uther's right he has to make this one tough decision because otherwise he risks the whole city.

However, Uther's attitude to Gwen (aside from revealing his own stubbornness and prejudice) is an example of the greater good taken too far. He has absolutely no evidence that killing Gwen will stop this plague, but he's making that sacrifice anyway because it might, that is not justice or fair or anything resembling goodness. And he justifies his decisions with what I've already said is an age old argument- "These decisions must be made. There are dark forces threatening this kingdom." This is just another version of any easy choice, acting without regard to the greater good is an easy choice but so is ignoring what is immediately right in pursuit of some ambiguous goodness. He's confusing his own weakness and ignorance for strength.

The point Merlin is, I believe trying to make is that there must be a balance. Sometimes you have to pursue the greater good, but the ends don't really justify the means.

There is a reason Arthur and Merlin will create the Camelot of legend and Uther and Gaius don't, Merlin and Arthur aren't going to sacrifice their own goodness for the sake of the greater good. Merlin for one ensures Arthur never has to, its sad but Merlin in many ways makes the harsh and cruel decisions that Arthur never has to make. However, he also often doesn't make those decisions. He reaches a point where he wants to let people die, but he never actively attempts to kill Morgana or Mordred by himself unless it is an absolute in the moment choice between them and Arthur, and even though there is plenty of moral ambiguity about that and plenty of debates you can have about that. Fundamentally the point remains, Uther would have killed them and that's why he could never be the king Arthur would be or the influence for decency Merlin would be, the ends don't ever entirely justify the means. Besides if Merlin had thought that and killed Mordred and Morgana for their possible futures he would not have been the decent person he was and he could not have helped Arthur build a good Camelot, Camelot would not have existed if Merlin had acted entirely with the greater good in mind to ensure Camelot's future.

Other Stuff

Gwen's scene in the cell is so terribly sad, she's trying to be brave and her final request to Merlin is just so sad, "Remember me." She's so young and its the injustice and cruelty of Uther's kingdom that's condemning her, his own blindness to anything involving magic. We all want to be remembered don't we, especially when you die so young that you've barely had the chance to live. -----Also Guinevere will be remembered, she is a legend so there's something very bittersweet in this. She is not forgotten, then or ever

It's funny watching back to season 1, Merlin spends a lot of the time complaining about how Arthur will never recognise him for who he is. He wants recognition. But by the end of the show, yes of course he'd like recognition but he's learnt to just put up with never getting it. His priorities have changed so much.

There's this thing that happens a lot in season 1 and 2 (and I think a bit in season 3 but its less funny then) where Morgana persuades Arthur to do things by insulting him and its the funniest thing ever, and the first instance of it is here. I like to call these her 'epic sibling powers' cause they are just such siblings and its hilarious every time

"You are one side of the coin, Arthur is the other."- Kilgaharrah--> Just, yes.

Also when Arthur gets Merlin out of when Merlin confesses to being a sorcerer—> he's obviously making stuff up on the spot—> like he might sort of believe it (the stuff about Gwen) but fundamentally he's just trying to protect him without really knowing for sure why Merlin's lying

"One day people won't believe what an idiot you were."- Gaius--> Fun little nod to the audience who know Merlin of legend (as nothing like the BBC Merlin)

Also at this point we don't know why Uther really banned magic so there is an element of moral greyness to it all. We know magic's not evil, we know Uther went too far but at this point there is still a question about 'how too far' did he go?

Coronation by Rageprufrock (seriously read it. It's amazing): https://archiveofourown.org/works/5749

[egcdeath]

a blip in the reader-verse

chapter 1: beginnings and endings

summary: a minor mistake causes a shift in the multiverse that only you have the capacity to fix.

(current) pairing: steve rogers x reader

word count: 1.2k

warnings: pretty angsty, unhealthy relationships (codependency) 

author’s note: i published this earlier but with a completely different plot (oops) ((i had to rewrite this whole thing)). i’ve never written anything longer than a one shot before, so please be nice! all reblogs are appreciated <3

Nothing had been the same since the Snap.

Unsurprisingly, watching half of your friends and teammates dissolve into no more than desaturated soot took an astounding toll in every single aspect of your life, but more than anything, in your love life.

Despite having some of your teammates left in the aftermath, you found yourself growing more and more anchored to Steve, and him with you. Although you began dating around a year before the Snap, the heavy loss that the both of you faced seem to launch you straight into the abyss of codependency.

Deep down, you knew that this wasn’t healthy for you. You’d be told millions of times by your remaining family and friends that no one should ever be as attached to anyone or anything as you were to Steve. He was your drug of choice, and you were reduced down to an addict.

You grew frustrated with those who challenged the nature of your relationship. It boiled down to the way that you felt that no one could truly understand the pain and guilt that the two of you constantly were doused in. Yet, at the same time, nothing could take your pain away and distract you from the distressing feelings more than Steve could.

You knew that if something were ever to happen to him, you’d be absolutely destroyed. You weren’t sure how you’d be able to go on through life without the super soldier by your side. Yet, this feeling was far from exclusive.

A multitude of nights had been spent in the dark, on opposite sides of the sofa in the living room of your apartment, silently listening to Steve vent, or allowing yourself to divulge your feelings yourself over the tragedy, your deepest fears, and anything else that was on your mind.

You were more than aware that Steve was just as afraid of losing you as you were of losing him.

That’s why you’d been so shocked when he offered to return the Infinity Stones sometime after Carol’s second snap.

You stood in the large field behind the Compound with knots tying and untying themselves in your stomach. You genuinely had an awful feeling about what was bound to occur, and you just weren't sure exactly why, it was just a gut feeling.

Coming up beside you, Sam looked around the field, observing the small platform, along with Steve as he chatted with Bruce and Tony, who were putting the final touches on the time machine.

“You okay? You’re chewing your lip like it’s an overcooked steak, or something,” he chuckled, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

“I don't know, Sam. I just don’t feel right about this,” you said softly, turning to look at him.

“It’s alright to be nervous, Y/N. Hell, I’m nervous too! But if it makes you feel any better, he’ll be back in like, 30 seconds, with not even a scratch on his body. And maybe it’ll do you guys some good to have some away time. I heard a certain couple became surgically attached at the hip while I was gone,” he gave you a little smirk.

“Ha ha,” you said drily, actually a bit more annoyed at the topic than you tried to let on. “Promise me he’s gonna be okay?” You asked, looking deep into Sam’s eyes, trying to draw out as much truth as possible.

“I promise. He’s coming over now, so try not to act like you’re on the brink of a heart attack,” he stepped aside, then received a big hug from his friend, before Steve moved on to bid you a farewell.

You sighed contentedly as you were wrapped in his warm and familiar embrace. The comfort of the hug alone had already calmed you down more than you could’ve ever expected.

“Why do you have to go?” You whispered sadly into his collarbone.

“I just do. But I’ll be back before you even realize I’m gone, okay?” He brought a hand up to your hair, and stroked it in what you’d learned was somewhat of a nervous tick. You simply nodded at the question, too upset with the situation to form the right words.

“I love you,” was all you could come up with.

“I love you too. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do while I’m gone.” He stepped away from you somewhat so he could get a good, final look at you.

“Come on, Rogers. Don’t you have some diamonds you’re supposed to be returning to the jewler  right now?” Tony asked jokingly. You gave him a sour face, but acknowledged that it was time for him to go.

With that, all you were able to do was stand back and watch. But after a moment, Steve’s returning point had passed. Then, a minute had passed. That minute turned to five. And your worst nightmare had suddenly become your reality.

----

Returning the stones had gone well, at first. Until it didn’t. Suddenly, Steve was in Stark Tower in 2012, Pym Particles smashed unceremoniously on the ground after falling several floors in the midst of a tussle with himself.

Steve couldn’t think of any worse scenario. Well, maybe if he hadn’t already returned all but the stone. But that didn’t even matter to him at the moment, he was permanently stuck in the past, and had probably created all sorts of time paradoxes.

Despite his own personal conflicts, he still had one task left, and he wasn’t going to risk a whole universe plunging into their darkest timeline due to a major panic on his part. After escaping the grasp of himself from the past, he managed to slip out of the building in one piece, before wandering the battered streets of New York in an attempt to find the Sanctum.

When Steve arrived at the Sanctum, the door had opened right up for him, as if he’d been expected all this time, and he was greeted by none other than the Ancient One.

“Captain Rogers,” she greeted, nodding, “I’m assuming you have something for me?”

Steve nodded, then handed her the briefcase. She opened it, then gladly put the Time Stone back in it’s proper home. “Ancient One, I need you to help me with something. Is there any way at all that you’d be able to send me back home?”

“Why can’t you get back yourself?” She questioned.

“Well, I kind of can’t. All the particles I used to get here are kind of.. Gone.” He sighed, cringing internally at his own irresponsibility.

The Ancient One sighed, and shook her head, “I can do my best, but I can’t guarantee you’ll get back home. I can help you send some sort of SOS to your friends, and I can send you to a new reality, but I can’t promise you’ll end up exactly where you want to be.”

“But we have to try something.” He added helplessly, gaining a nod from the woman standing across from him.

“You’re right. I think I have an idea of what we need to do.”

next chapter

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

Here’s a pet tax!! This times he’s nuzzling against my arm!

Btw here’s your excuse to talk more about Dice. Or,,,any of Fling Posse! Have fun!

Oh, you enabler, you. Thank you for this opportunity and for the bunny picture.

A collection of thoughts on Dice and why he may very well be the most important character to Ramuda. Put under a cut for some slight TDD spoilers.

Dice’s Personality Traits

Compared to the other two nosy Nancies that make up Fling Posse, Dice himself is the king of minding his own business. While he does display definite interest in his friend’s lives - see asking Riou about his favorite food in the ARB event “Riou’s Kitchen” or discussing Gentarou’s latest story in FP/M chapter 7 - he tends to avoid discussing topics that make others feel uncomfortable.

This can make Dice appear oblivious, but Dice is much more emotionally observant than most characters give him credit for. Let’s take chapter 14 of FP/M for a great example of this. I’ll link it here, and I encourage you to read through it again paying careful attention to his facial expressions.

Dice begins the chapter deep in thought and adopts a solemn facial expression for the next few pages. Something is clearly preoccupying him.

However, the moment Ramuda appears, Dice begins acting much more animated and begins playing along with Ramuda in an attempt to cheer him up. Note that Dice observed Ramuda acting out of sorts for the entire battle in the previous chapters and hasn’t seen Ramuda awake since (according to chapter 15). He’s likely greatly concerned. It is arguable that his reactions are entirely food motivated...

... except for the fact that he returns to his previously somber state the moment Ramuda is no longer looking at him. Dice also doesn’t immediately accept Gentarou’s suggestion that Ramuda is trying to keep up appearances for their sake.

At the restaurant, Dice begins to play up the cheerful glutton again and attempts to directly cheer up Ramuda by operating under the assumption that Ramuda is disappointed by their loss.

When Ramuda goes to leave, the art emphasizes Gentarou’s concern, but the silhouette of Dice (and the lack of any bulging cheeks or cups carried up to his mouth) in the final panel indicates that he has once again returned to his more serious state. In this scene, Dice recognizes that something has gone terribly wrong.

Each member of Fling Posse is a performer putting on an act, and as noted by Ramuda’s reaction to Gentarou invading his privacy, Ramuda feels most comfortable when each actor plays his part. Dice is aware of this and thus acts the cheerful idiot for Ramuda in these scenes because he recognizes that Ramuda needs that stability.

If I may demonstrate another quick example, take a look at the scene from FP/M chapter 12 and compare how Dice acts without (first image) and with a visibly distressed Ramuda (other images) in the room.

The FP/M mangaka also says (in the afterword of volume 3), “I think [Dice] might have a good poker face and be able to control his facial expressions even when he’s flat out broke. But his posse doesn’t seem to understand that.“ Dice’s poker face is a boon here when he can use it to help the ones he cares about.

For Dice does care very greatly. Dice minds his own business and doesn’t make any overt actions as long as his friends are capable of handling situations on their own. However, the moment he recognizes that they are in over their heads, he takes swift and decisive action (which, in turn, can be harmful to others).

Take this scene in FP/M chapter 10 as a great example. Prior to Gentarou grabbing Hifumi, Dice was firmly a bystander, but he immediately leaps in when the situation escalates. Notice that he removes Hifumi from harm’s way but also serves a shield for Gentarou and focuses his attention on Gentarou’s wellbeing.

He then offers Gentarou physical reassurance with a hand on the shoulder and an out to the situation, which would have allowed Gentarou to move on as if his mask had never slipped if it were not for Hifumi’s next comment. Dice also shuts down Hifumi before it can escalate any further.

Although Hifumi is attempting to justify himself because he doesn’t understand Gentarou’s reaction and doesn’t see what he did wong, Dice recognizes that this statement also denies Gentarou the right to express his feelings on something which is clearly an enormous deal to him.

By labeling Hifumi’s comments as “disrespect” and “hurting people” while simultaneously stressing that this topic is “important”, he allows Gentarou the right to feel upset at Hifumi’s comments. He also continues to use defensive posture in order to keep Gentarou physically safe (which must be an intentional choice on the artist’s part, as Hifumi mirrors this pose a few pages later as he begins to defend Doppo). Even though Dice’s reaction crosses the line when he, in turn, begins to hurt someone else, removing Gentarou from the situation, validating his feelings, and making Hifumi stop is exactly what Gentarou needed but was unable to provide for himself.

Dice is a damn good friend and an exceptional person. If you ever find a friend like Dice, don’t let them get away from you.

Saving Ramuda’s Life

Let’s switch gears for a moment to take a look at what goes on in Ramuda’s mind. As a disposable pawn for the Party of Words, Ramuda has an atypical view of the world. He genuinely enjoys the company of others and can form real bonds, but his primary motivation in life is fully self-centered: keep himself alive. Every order he receives comes with the caveat of, “Failure brings death.” The fear of death is enough to drive him to betray his closest friends in TDD, even Jakurai, who clearly means a lot to him.

^ TDD chapter 13. Ramuda receives an order from Ichijiku to handle the Jakurai side of things in the TDD breakup and reflects on the time that Jakurai saw who his true personality and not only accepted it but welcomed it.

Bear with me if you’ve seen me talk about this before, but Ramuda’s ability to feel emotions is considered a fluke. Ichijiku describes it as a “malfunction” and a “nuisance” for his job. She also describes Ramuda himself as a “failure” and “worthless”, sometimes to Ramuda’s face.

Ramuda internalizes this. Notice’s Ramuda’s reactions to slipping up and having an emotional outburst in TDD chapter 9 and FP/M chapter 8.

The former of these features Ramuda looking frightened (either due to concern of losing his life for revealing more than he should have done or fear that Jakurai will consider him as “worthless” as everyone else does), insulting himself, and self-harming. While the insults and self-harm are as stereotypically cute as the rest of Ramuda’s facade, the core idea remains that he believes showing his true personality is as idiotic and worth of punishment as everyone else believes. The lack of self-worth is ingrained in him.

The slightly more grown-up Ramuda in FP/M does not react as dramatically, but I really want to draw your attention to the question, “Was I spooky?” It’s worded in a deliberately silly manner because of Ramuda’s speech style, but he is asking his supposed friends if the real version of himself is frightening. Tell me, Dice. Does seeing me scare you? Do you want to run away now before it’s too late? It’s an innocent question on the surface level, but considering the about face his last friend turned after learning more about Ramuda’s real life and job, this question demonstrates that Ramuda’s view of himself has hardly changed for the positive since then.

(Also please observe Dice’s reaction. The pause is him getting into character in order to cheer up Ramuda after a clear emotional upset.)

Therefore Ramuda is a person running entirely on self-preservation but with no sense of self-worth. He sees himself largely the same way Chuuouku does and expects everyone else to do the same. This greatly limits his worldview and prevents him from considering possible other options besides, “Do or die”.

If most of the other cast members found themselves in Ramuda’s shoes, they would have the knowledge and ability to consider other options such as running away, asking for help, or fighting back. Yet Ramuda never considers any of these. He does not have the life experiences the other cast members have to consider making any of these options. He has never observed them or had an outside source present them as options to him. Once the order comes down the pipeline from Ichijiku, it is set in stone. He can hate the order - take a look at another illustration from TDD chapter 13 - but he considers its execution inevitable.

This is why the order to hypnotize Jakurai in FP/M chapter 11 hits him so hard. Now “do or die” has become “die or die”, and his only decision comes down to the nature of his death.

Yes, this situation could have been avoided by talking to Jakurai. Jakurai gives him multiple opportunities to speak up before and during the battle, but Ramuda doesn’t have the ability to recognize those as options for help. In Ramuda’s book, people don’t help him. “Help” doesn’t exist.

In fact, the entire TDD situation could have been avoided as well if Ramuda had trusted his friends, spoken up, and explained the situation. Jakurai (not to mention Ichirou and Samatoki after a fashion) would almost certainly have helped, and that seems to be what Jakurai was waiting for. Once he pushed Ramuda too hard by accident and caused an outburst, he stepped back and waited for Ramuda to come forward on his own terms. But that’s utterly foolish, because Ramuda doesn’t operate on his own terms either. Ramuda doesn’t have his own terms. He lives and thinks the way the Party of Words wants him to think, and if the Party of Words does not want him to speak up and ask for help, then he will never, ever be able to.

The beauty is that Dice is not Jakurai. As mentioned above, Dice minds his own business up until the point a friend of his is over their head, and it’s when Ramuda starts to pull out the True Hypnosis Mic in order to kill himself for Chuuouku that Dice finally acts.

As is the case with Gentarou up above, Dice acknowledges that he doesn’t fully understand the situation but offers physical reassurance, advice, and the implicit argument that Ramuda’s real strength is something of value. Dice writes the word “help” into Ramuda’s dictionary with genuine love and affection.

While Ramuda still can’t consider any option other than “do or die”, it is Dice and Gentarou’s intervention that imbues him with enough self-worth to even consider placing his own wants and needs above Chuuouku’s.

It is this that lays the groundwork for The Loneliness, Tears, and Hope of a Puppet and gives Ramuda the basic agency to even consider acting for himself and, contrarily, acting in line with consideration for other people. It’s this that allows him to avoid ruining Jakurai’s life a second time and this that allows him to accept Gentarou and Dice’s promise of friendship. In the drama track itself, once again it is Dice and Gentarou intervening and challenging Ramuda’s preconceived notions in order to save his life.

Gentarou absolutely plays a vital role in this as well, but it is Dice that chooses to make the first move. Had he not said anything, Ramuda would have used the True Hypnosis Mic and died onstage in front of the audience.

It is sometimes the tiniest of actions and the smallest pieces of support that make all the difference. Sometimes all it takes is someone being unafraid to reach out and flip a die over so it lands on a different number.

[zenithastra]

Albedo - Creation

Part two of “stories I want to port over from the old blog”. I’ll post a few more tomorrow. 

Albedo was a master of alchemy. It was rare for him to find a problem he couldn’t solve with some ingenuity. Others called him a genius, but Albedo merely thought his work was simple for someone like him. 

However, tomorrow was a very special day- the day of your birth- and he had yet to find that perfect gift. The institution of gift-giving was already a foreign enough concept. He’d mostly relied on Sucrose to tell him what to buy for who. But this time, with only a week to prepare, she’d stubbornly put her foot down. “They’re your partner,” Sucrose said. “Figure it out yourself.” So, not one to be deterred by a challenge, decided the solution was simple: if he couldn’t buy the right gift, he’d simply make you one. And at the beginning of the week, he thought it would be simple. He could make anything. It wouldn’t take much to create something perfect for you. 

His first instinct had, of course, been alchemy. A new weapon seemed like a good start, and Albedo could make most of the things the blacksmith would need. The ore he’d have to find on his own, but he could break those open without much effort. But about halfway through the process of refining some old Hilichurl scrolls into something usable, Albedo realized this creation wouldn’t really be his. It would be the blacksmith doing all of the work. Therefore, the present wouldn’t be very personal, something Sucrose had drilled into him numerous times since you and he had started an official courtship. 

So, his first idea was discarded. 

His second plan was to make some jewelry. Albedo was pretty good at fashioning gemstones and other precious materials into various shapes. Retrieving said gems wasn’t particularly hard. Plenty of materials had been left behind by adventurers who didn’t understand exactly what was needed to transmute a gem into one of a larger size. But again, just before he started building this potential gift, he stopped. He realized that he was not creating anything. Just building something out of things that others had left behind. And that just wouldn’t do. He needed something different. Something he could make with only minimal help from others. 

So, he continued thinking. 

His third idea was arguably the easiest to execute, but it was not something Albedo had done before. You baked for him often, frequently bringing by delicious chocolate or fruity snacks during his long work hours. And you were a natural baker, something that still mystified him. And while he believed you were special, he decided that it couldn’t be that hard to make something for you. Baking was just another form of alchemy, after all. For an extra personal touch, he gathered all of the base ingredients himself and spent an entire day turning his sweet flowers into sugar, his wheat into flour, and procuring everything else he needed. And when all of that had gone off without a hitch, all Albedo had to do was follow a recipe Sucrose had graciously given him and the cupcakes would be ready. 

And yet, for some reason, that’s not what happened. And a few hours later, Albedo was left perplexed with two trays of inedible baked goods. When he inquired with Sucrose as to why that happened, she asked him a variety of questions that only confused him more. Yes, he followed the recipe. Yes, he’d set his timers right. No, the ingredients weren’t expired. Yes, he’d been paying attention while they were baking. No, he didn’t have a clue why they turned out that way. 

And so, plan number three was quite literally thrown out.

Now there he was with less than a day before your birthday, staring at a small package of rose seeds. He’d purchased them from Flora on a whim and slowly convinced himself that this was the right gift. Flowers rushed to maturity through the use of alchemy. It would have been better if he had somehow gathered the seeds himself, but Albedo knew he was running out of time. Normally, attempting something like this would take days of preparation, experimentation, and lots of research. Albedo had hours at most, and anyone who could have helped him had already gone home for the day. 

So, he did the only thing he could do. He got to work.

He started with a single seed, examining it as closely as he could. He detailed its shape, size, and weight. Reviewed everything he knew about cultivating flowers and gathered anything that could possibly be used as a pot. Thankfully, he’d already gathered dirt samples for another experiment, something he could ask Sucrose to replace. After he poured the packet onto the table, he was disheartened to see there were only ten. Even if everything went perfectly, he’d be short the dozen that Sucrose had once told him was a special number. 

Six, He decided. If twelve was the perfect number, then six would be just as good. He knew it was a logical leap, but it made him feel better as he planted each seed into their respective pot. For the first one, he tried special alchemy infused water that had worked well on the various Dragonspine flora. And the seed did grow, but it withered almost instantly in the warm air. 

One down. Only three more mistakes to go. 

The second one was a bit more successful as Albedo fed it a concoction of water from Starfell lake and a growth formula he’d made on a whim a few weeks prior. But that plant didn’t have the shine he wanted. It wasn’t quite as large as he’d seen other roses, nor was it the right color. Instead of a vibrant red, it was a meddling mix of pink and black. He assumed it was the growth formula that had been wrong and moved on without it. 

Two down. Two to go. 

The third one showed significantly more promise with a concoction that Sucrose had made to help grow imported flora in their camp at Dragonspine. While the color wasn’t quite as bold as Albedo wanted, he accepted that it was beautiful enough and moved on to the next seed with a new mixture. This one failed to grow at all, much to his disappointment. When he tried to use Sucrose’s formula a second time, the plant both grew and died within a few seconds; no better than the first one. 

Three down, but he had one success. That might just be good enough. 

To ensure that he would have at least a small bouquet, Albedo used the rest of Sucrose’s discovery on four more plants. But for the last one, he wanted something special. Something perfect and as vibrant as you were. So, as the sun dipped lower in the sky, he paced his lab, debating on how exactly to achieve the colors he wanted. His mind raced through possibilities, and he began using other plants he’d gathered to test various mixtures. A few showed promise, but most just withered. But Albedo didn’t get frustrated. Instead, he found himself enjoying the work. Others might have seen it as tedious, but he found it refreshing. It had been a long time since he’d done something just for himself, and even longer since he’d used his alchemy for you. 

He was determined to get it right, no matter the time invested. 

But then you showed up, much to his surprise, and the entire experiment derailed. 

“Albedo?” You said, gazing at the mess the lab had turned into. It was the first time Albedo realized how obsessed he’d become with this little project. He was almost embarrassed at the chaos he’d left behind but knew you’d seen the lab in a similar state before. Such was the nature of his experiments. If anything, the state of his own clothing was much more distressing, as he’d become caked in dirt and other grime moving between all the plants at such a rapid pace. 

“You are… here,” He said somewhat awkwardly. “I was not expecting you.”

“It’s almost midnight,” you said, your voice laced with concern. “I was worried about you.”

Albedo glanced outside, genuinely surprised to see how high the moon had gotten. It had only felt like an hour or two had passed, not the entire day. “I apologize,” He said. “It wasn’t my intention to worry you so.”

You looked around, eyebrows raised. “What kind of mess have you gotten yourself into this time?”

Albedo glanced at the roses he’d left behind before looking back at you. “I was almost done with my bouquet.”

“Bouquet?” You echoed. “Of what?”

“Roses,” He said. “Your favorite.”

Your eyes widened. “You mean all of this,” You waved your hands out in front of you. “Is because you were trying to grow roses… for me?”

“Yes.”

Your gaze softened as your smile widened. “You didn’t have to do all this, Albedo. The fact that you were thinking of me at all means a lot.”

“But it’s your birthday,” Albedo said. “I wanted…” He trailed off as, for the first time in a long time, words failed him. He wanted things to be special. Yet here he was, failing again. This whole week had been a mess, and he’d missed you for a majority of it, all trying to make something that would only last a short amount of time. 

You stepped up in front of him, brushing your thumb under his eye. Specks of dirt hit the floor as you moved to his cheeks, and his breath hitched when your eyes met. It felt like ages since the two of you had just been together like this. He’d been home so late, and you up so early that you rarely saw each other. And that was partially his fault. He had no reason to stay out so late. He’d simply done so because it was normal. Albedo was still figuring out the whole ‘relationship’ thing. He was still trying to break down the walls around his own heart; the ones that made it difficult to love anyone. 

But you were still there. You always were, even when he wasn’t there for you. 

“Come home,” You said softly. “Take the day off. We can spend it together.”

Albedo nodded, blushing as you leaned in to give him a chaste yet wonderful kiss. You smiled as you pulled away, taking his hand to lead him out of the mess. He knew he’d have to apologize to Sucrose and the others later, as they wouldn’t be able to work under such conditions. But, as the bell struck midnight and he wandered home with you, Albedo realized that this is where he was really meant to be.

The world could wait for one day. All he wanted to do was spend time with you.

AO3 - Ko-Fi - Master List

[passionate-reply]

This week on Passionate Reply: We all know “Don’t You Want Me,” but the early Human League is a totally different beast, featuring a different line-up, and songs about killer clowns and wanting to be a skyscraper, on their debut LP, 1979′s Reproduction. Transcript below the break!

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums. In this installment, we’ll be investigating one of the most surprising debut LPs around: The Human League’s Reproduction, first released in 1979.

Pretty much anyone with a general understanding of Western pop will already know the name of the Human League, and associate them, rightfully, with their early 80s hits like “Don’t You Want Me.” For many, the Human League were the first genuine synth-pop that they had ever heard, and their work in the 1980s has been immeasurably influential in bringing the notion of electronic pop into the mainstream. But before they were hitmakers and game-changers, the Human League were a very different band.

Music: “Being Boiled”

“Being Boiled” was the first thing the Human League would ever press to wax, way back in 1978. In most respects, this track is everything that “Don’t You Want Me” is not: its pace is languid, its structure is shapeless and meandering, and rather than a simple and relatable love story, its lyrics offer us a strange and opaque condemnation of the tortures endured by silkworms during textile production. While fascinating, and endearing in its own morbid way, “Being Boiled” does not exactly scream “hit record.” The Human League were not only a different band in a stylistic sense, but also with respect to their personnel, driven by a creative core comprised of budding synthesists Martyn Ware and Ian Craig Marsh. Prior to the release of the breakthrough album Dare, Marsh and Ware would abandon the group over creative differences, and go on to form Heaven 17 instead. It was vocalist Phil Oakey, and producer Martin Rushent, who would create the sound that their name is now so strongly associated with, and this early incarnation of the group is probably best thought of as an entirely different entity. This album, Reproduction, was their first full-length release, and is perhaps the best introduction to their pioneering sound.

Music: “Circus of Death”

“Circus of Death” had appeared as the B-side to “Being Boiled,” and was included once more as the second track on *Reproduction.* It has a lot in common with the other track it accompanied: a plodding pace, a dark and obtuse lyrical theme, and a sparse, fully electronic instrumentation. The Human League were among the first British groups to utilize a totally electronic sound, devoid of any traditional instruments besides the voice, though in this underground and more experimental context, it doesn’t present a threat to the status quo of pop the way that Dare would a few years later. Alongside fellow proto-industrial acts associated with "the Sound of Sheffield," like Clock DVA and Cabaret Voltaire, they dwelt on the fringes of good taste, crafting subversive music for subversive people. “Circus of Death” introduces us to a demonic figure called “the Clown,” who controls, and torments, human beings by use of a drug called “Dominion,” in a scenario that sounds a bit like Huxley’s Brave New World. It’s worth remembering that while younger generations are quick to think of clowns as icons of evil and terror, clowns were unironically beloved as bringers of joy for most of the 20th Century, and these early portrayals of clowns as killers were indeed shocking at the time. Preceding “Circus of Death,” and opening the album, is “Almost Medieval,” a track with some similar themes, but a rather different composition.

Music: “Almost Medieval”

While “Circus of Death” is slow and dirgelike, “Almost Medieval” showcases the more aggressive side of *Reproduction.* It opens the album with a starkly simplistic tick-tocking beat, reminiscent of an unaccompanied metronome, before bursting into its punk-like sonic assault--a musical representation of how seemingly predictable and deterministic machines can also create something outrageous and unexpected. The lyrics of this track seem pointed towards the past, with the narrator exclaiming that they “feel so old,” and as if they’ve died many times before. Juxtaposed against the thoroughly modern setting of an airport with tarmacs and jet engines, it might be taken as an expression of the horror a person from the past might feel if they were shown the world of the future, created by capitalism and high technology. While it isn’t very accurate, we have a tendency to think of the “Medieval” world as a barbaric, unclean, and uncivilized era, full of witch hunts, chastity belts, and the deliberate erasure of “ancient wisdom.” “Almost Medieval” turns that idea on its head, suggesting that perhaps our world is the one that’s truly barbaric. The image of its narrator, “falling through a rotting ladder,” can be taken as a rejection of the notion of a “ladder” of progress. Similar themes of open-ended symbolism, and the sorrow of modernity, can be found on “Empire State Human.”

Music: “Empire State Human”

Like “Almost Medieval,” “Empire State Human” is lively and faster-paced, with driving percussion. With its straightforward rhymes and repetitive structure, it readily encourages the listener to sing along, almost as if joining in some sort of ritual chant. It’s an idea that Marsh and Ware would return to in their Heaven 17 days, with tracks like “We Don’t Need This Fascist Groove Thang.” “Empire State Human” was the album’s only single, and thanks to this exposure, and its (relative) palatability compared to the rest of their catalogue, it remains one of the best known tracks from the early Human League. “Empire State Human” makes its concept pretty clear, with less ambiguous lyrics and an easy to follow mix that brings Oakey’s voice to the fore: the narrator wishes to become a building, and a mighty skyscraper no less, which might rival the achievements of the Pyramids of the ancient Egyptians. While it is clear that that’s what the song’s about, what we do with this once again high-concept subject matter is up to us. I like to think that this is some kind of perverse commentary on the unnatural and alienating experience of urban living, which may come with the feeling that the concrete and rebar structures that surround us are more significant to our lives than the people who may live or work in them. City life is addressed more directly by the track “Blind Youth.”

Music: “Blind Youth”

“Blind Youth” is probably the most “grounded” track on the album, in terms of its theme, making pointed remarks about “dehumanization” and “high-rise living.” It’s tempting to think of it as a sort of parallel to “Empire State Human,” with a broadly similar musical backdrop, and a more literal expression of the theme hinted at more obliquely by “Empire State Human.” With its focus on the experiences of the titular “youth,” “Blind Youth” can also be contrasted with “Almost Medieval,” whose narrator keens about feeling old. Where “Almost Medieval” deals with the disgust an older person feels at the decrepit state of the human race, “Blind Youth” shows the demented, unthinking joy of the youth, who have grown up in an industrialized and urbanized world, and don’t know different--or better.

While there have been many classic underground albums whose covers aimed to shock and displease polite society, the cover of Reproduction is one of the few that I feel would still be seen as offensive, over 40 years later. It was allegedly the product of a miscommunication between the group and the illustrator commissioned to create it; the band requested a scene in which people are dancing above a ward of babies in glass-topped incubators, and the striking angle, which seems to show people crushing infants underfoot, is an unintentional aspect of the design. Unintentional or not, this crudely violent aspect dominates the final composition, and lends it vileness and immediacy. Like the lyrics of many of the songs, the combination of the cover and title can be interpreted a number of ways. Perhaps it’s a glib commentary on human reproduction as fun and games: we partake in the “dance” of courtship and sexuality, and babies drop beneath our feet. Or perhaps it suggests a contrast between life’s enjoyments, like dancing, and its stressors, like the responsibilities of parenthood. It’s hard not to see so many crying, seemingly distressed infants without becoming upset oneself, and I think the deep instinctual revulsion that this piece inspires is part of why it’s remained so resonant in its subversiveness.

As I mentioned in my introduction, the Human League have gone down in history chiefly for the music they made later, which has largely buried this early period as part of their legacy--at least in the public eye and outside of the dedicated diggings of motivated enthusiasts. If you’re a fan of what you’ve heard from this album, you’ll probably enjoy their 1980 follow-up Travelogue, as well as their EP, Holiday ‘80. Given the emphasis on long-form albums among music aficionados, EPs and their exclusive tracks are quite frequently missed, but Holiday ‘80 is a gem from this short-lived line-up, featuring the fragile “Marianne” as well as a cover of the stadium favourite “Rock ‘N’ Roll,” made famous by Gary Glitter. Thumbing its nose at everything the culture of “rock and roll” stands for, and transposing this hymn to its greatness into an abrasive and sterile lunar landscape of synths, this is one of my favourite covers of all time, and seems to prefigure how a very different Human League would later become the archnemesis of all that rock fans held holy. It was also one of very few tracks to be performed on Top of the Pops, and subsequently see not a rise, but a drop in the singles charts!  

Music: “Rock ‘N’ Roll”

My favourite track on Reproduction is one that appears on its second side, unlike the other tracks I’ve talked about so far: “Austerity / Girl One.” Side Two of Reproduction is mainly focused on longer and more narrative-driven tracks, and this is no exception. Like the opener of the second side, “Austerity / Girl One” is a medley, albeit one of two pieces that are original compositions and not covers, as medleys usually are. This track’s story is both timeless and modern, a bit like a contemporary King Lear: the “Austerity” half deals with an aging father, incapable of understanding his children, dying alone and ignored, while the “Girl One” half puts us in the mindset of his daughter, a New Woman whose life is hectic, but also bleak. It’s a story that many of us will relate to, about people who try their best with what they’ve got, but still feel as though they’ve failed in life. Its simple, but effective musical backdrop of wan synth pulses allows the narrative, and Oakey’s evocative portrayal of it, to take center stage. That’s everything for today, thanks for listening.

Music: “Austerity / Girl One”

[bigsteeb]

this is gonna be a long post so bear with me, growing pains got a b i g emotional reaction out of me & I need to share my thoughts & feelings about it because jesus fucking christ.

ok first things first, someone hug this boy immediately. he’s sat in his room, still in his pajamas, in day time watching dog copter. this whole scene is just steven going “lol I’m sad, I’m gonna comfort eat & stay in my pajamas & watch a kids show I watched when I wasn’t as sad haha” & it’s not only upsetting, but relatable too fuck. his room is a mess along with him eating ice cream at what I assume is morning… making it his breakfast? geez steven. also idk if it’s just me here but in this shot he looks… bigger? like ignoring his body size shifting later on in the episode he looks a lot wider than he usually does when paul & drew board episodes to me, he’s rivalling etienne & maya’s steven’s wideness. did he… get chubbier from comfort eating? how much time has passed since together forever for him to put on weight if he has? this could literally just be steven slouching or his pajamas making him look bigger but as someone who is an advocate for the body positivity shown in su & suf it has me curious. I want to hug this soft, sad boy. It could also be due to how steven’s design fluctuates through the animation process, it’s never really on model all the time. 

the grunting noise he makes in this scene is very distressing, as are other moments from the episode too. a glimpse at the glow-bracelet he proposed to connie with is enough to physically pain him? fuck me man. is he leaving his room where there’s already ice cream… to get more ice cream? sobs. also the puns in this shot. I cant? slow burn?! you’re evil crewniverse. not to mention his body size changing throughout this scene, god this poor lad.

screams, this was when I started worrying. the boy is now in an environment he has never been in before & is feeling extremely uncomfortable & vulnerable. look at the lines under his eyes, his sad eyebrows & pout I hate it. also don’t even get me started on this part. the slight raise of a voice being enough to send him into panic?! fuck I hate how much I relate to that. 

here’s where I immediately broke, no god damn pun intended. seeing steven’s skeleton, steven’s fucking skull, like this pained me. that crack on his skull is from fucking jasper in jail break. I can’t express all of the visceral emotions that were going through my body at this. there was intense sadness for steven, extreme anger at jasper & the gems for allowing shit like this to happen to him. turns out he’s not as resilient as we thought he was. each hit he takes physically breaks him & then his gem instantly heals his wounds, my heart fucking broke at this. think back to everything that happened to him, everything that physically hurt him. it broke him I can’t deal with it! then there’s what priyanka says to steven next;

“you seem to of made a series of miraculous recoveries, but that doesn't change the fact that you experienced trauma. you’ve recovered physically but, have you recovered mentally?”

this part here along with her reassuring him that there’s nothing wrong with his brain, how childhood trauma can have an impact on how your body responds to stress & how you act in your social life, the usage of the word “cortisol” too. this stuff being in a children's tv show is incredible. the writing for priyanka describes trauma simply enough for kids to understand, but for adults to fully realise too. folks, steven has ptsd. there wasn't one bit of sugarcoating about it or nothing, this is canon fact & it hurts me. for so long have I wanted steven’s emotional issues to be alked about, to not only be brought to steven’s attention but to the audience’s too.

everything that has happened to him has built up to this moment. this moment where his behaviour & coping methods are finally making sense to a large majority of the fandom, & to steven himself. he’s hurting; physically, mentally & emotionally, & he isn’t coping well what so ever about it. his emotional support system is complete garbage, no one regularly checks in on him & folks just take steven at face value like “oh yea glowing pink? he’s fine it’s just steven” but he’s the bad person?! I hope a lot of you out there who genuinely believe steven is a bad person re-think yourselves after this. dealing with trauma is tough as shit. some days you even wonder if that one thing that fucked you up is really worth being labelled as trauma. I still can’t believe this is the route they’re taking, if he doesn’t get some form of therapy by the end of future I’ll be furious.

then things begin to spiral as he remembers what happened with connie. he clutches his chest in pain & begins changing size over intense amounts of stress & it was extremely distressing to watch. steven immediately reassures connie that this isn’t because of her, but because of everything else that happened to him. however. I believe that that’s a slight lie, he wouldn’t of spiralled if he hadn’t of remembered the proposal, steven you fucking himbo. he continues to reassure them both that he’s fine, just that he needs them to leave so he can calm himself enough to control himself.

then this happens.

“I. CAN’T. BE AROUND YOU RIGHT NOW!”

this was fucking intense. he means this literally in 2 ways btw. his body size shifting over the stress he’s feeling is a danger to both connie & priyanka in this moment, but it’s also because of how it started. being around connie hurts him. he’s not mad at her though let me make that very clear, just that thinking about what happened when he tired to propose to her is sending his head in a fritz. he did what he did full of confidence in together forever, for connie to then make him realise how silly he was being. these two are destined for each other, but that advice from ruby & sapphire has really fucked with him. he looks up to those 2, looks up to garnet, their relationship is so strong & stable. for them to give him that advice & to then scream “DO IT!” in his face is incredibly tasteless imo.

then greg gets here. I knew connie was calling for either greg or the gems when she was on her phone as she left the room, fuck yea connie I love you. the breathless, strained “thank you” from steven towards connie for calling his dad? g o d. connie telling him she’ll be there for him when he’s ready?! g o d. these next boards were done by rebecca, I knew immediately when I saw steven’s face. it makes sense that rebecca boarded these, because fuck. 

how do I move on from all of the stuff I’ve been through? how do I live life if it always feels like I’m about to die!?

I’m tearing up as I type this. when I first heard the leak of this audio I so badly wanted to believe it, but to also believe it was fake too. I was an emotional mess off & on for about 3 days over it because I couldn't stop thinking about how fucking distressing it was. like… shit steven. he seriously feels this. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain he felt just saying this in front of his fucking dad. he is hurting badly. this boy, this sweet sweet boy we’ve watched grow & develop into the person he is today is distraught about his future & life. it is… soul crushing to watch this. a group of friends of mine have found joking about the episode as a form of coping with the intensity of it & as much as that’s valid as fuck, any joke coming from this episode feels morally wrong to me. I can’t bring myself to join in it feels terrible even thinking about laughing at it to cope. I love them all, but I can’t bare myself to join them. this moment ending with greg comforting steven, telling him he’s here for him & all of his struggles, got me weeping. greg is possible the best father figure I’ve seen on tv, let alone a kids tv show. he’s amazing.

the final scene right here is lovely. greg making steven a hot chocolate & listening to him vent, reassuring him over his worry for his future. this right here is exactly what steven needs. someone to talk to, someone he could trust to talk about his feelings to. this the start of his support system, tag on peri from in dreams, bis in bismuth casual as well as connie from the past few episodes & it’s already looking great! even when greg eased him about being there for him steven still feels guilty about him leaving his tour, leaving his tour because he got a phone call from connie about his son being in need & steven feels guilty about it. fucking hell man. I did enjoy how the episode ended though, with that little moment between the both of them;

“just get some rest kiddo. you don’t have to solve all of your problems in one night.”

“yea. thanks dad.”

it’s a great message too, all of your struggles can’t be dealt with all at once. I’ve used a similar analogy before but it’s like removing a dead tree. you have to deal with all of the little things surround this issue first before you get to the deep, harder stuff. along side the message about trauma they’re both very important messages, I’m glad they exist in the show.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

one more thing before I end my thoughts & feelings over growing pains.

this ending shot;

as soon as I saw the frog mug my mind raced back to the promo for this scene, & this whole moment to come entirely. if you remember this moment has the first set of leaked audio within it, the audio of the gems basically cornering steven about him not opening up to them. christ pearl even gets mad at him for his gem building a wall behind him, protecting him from them. it’s common knowledge, I hope, that steven’s gem reacts to his emotional state. pearl herself has said this;

“I think your gem is reacting to your state of mind.”

his gem building this wall? it felt like steven was being threatened by them. this scene now has awful connotations with it. because since we now know what the pink mode is doing to steven, how actually painful it is, think back to these;

yea. fuck the gems. I’ll let it slide if steven, greg or priyanka haven’t told them about what happened at the hospital. but if they do know, if they know how much it hurts steven being in his pink mode & still press into him about it I’ll see red. with steven’s trauma & now ptsd being cemented into the show I fucking hope garnet, amethyst & pearl get held accountable for what they put on him as a kid. that shit will not slide with me if they don’t. do not condone what the gems put him through. do not condone the gems for making steven feel like he had to be his mum for them. just… don’t. please.

[trifle-of-doom]

The Hawk X Demetri Manifesto

Okay, here is the thing. Despite being well past my teens, there's a particular ship of Cobra Kai that has drawn my attention, this ship being Hawk/Eli x Demetri. When I first watched the show, I was actually more invested in the adult characters storylines than the teens. I immediately rooted for Johnny and Carmen, and I was always hoping for more interactions between them. But then I saw episode 2x05, in which the atmosphere between the Binary Brothers becomes way more dense, and that's when I started to see some potential for them. Not because I'm a deranged person who fosters abusive relationships, but because I immediately caught the hurt/comfort dynamic of the duo, which is something that works really well when it comes to fictional relationships. However, it wasn't until 3x10 that I said, "Ok, that's official, I need to see more of these two! I totally support them!" And I was quite surprised to find a fairly large amount of people who are very committed to this pairing, to the point it's caught the attention of the screenwriters/producers as well. Honestly, I don't know if the showrunners will ever have the guts to make them an official couple, and chances are their supporters will have to keep reading between the lines of their bromance, but in any case, here is my take on why Hawk/Eli x Demetri is an option worth to be considered.

#1 - The Bromance

If there's something that many years of navigating the Internet taught me, is that the main driving factor for fan-made ships is the presence of either a solid relationship based on mutual brotherly love or a bitter rivalry that may or may not flow into hate/obsession. If you consider anime fandoms, there are thousand examples that fit into either of these categories: Yugi and Jonouchi from the Yu-Gi-Oh series (yes, that's how old I am), Yugi and Kaiba from Yu-Gi-Oh, Sakuragi and Rukawa from Slam Dunk, Light and L from Death Note, etc. And our Hawk and Demetri fit into both categories. When we first see them, they are the stereotypical nerdy friends (possibly childhood friends?) sitting at the losers' table, who have no one else but each other. When Eli is at his most sensitive and fragile, you can tell he feels comfortable being with Demetri by the genuine smile he has on his face as Demetri is joking with Miguel at the canteen table. Through his sarcasm, the mouthy kid acts as a catalyst to deviate the attention from Eli, speaking for him, reprimanding Johnny when he makes fun of his lip and trying to make him feel safe. Besides, you can see a certain degree of frustration in Demetri when Kyler and his gang are harassing Eli, and he's unable to do anything to defend him. And they even have a jingle for their friendship with a robot dance, I mean, how cute is that? But of course, a solid friendship between two helpless nerdy guys is not enough to spark a ship to be rooting for. In order for the magic to happen, another key ingredient is needed, i.e. a little bit of angst. Which brings us straight to the next point.

#2 - The Angst (aka the Hurt/Comfort Dynamic)

Even though I never liked the Twilight saga or any similar urban fantasy young adult works, I can easily see where the appeal comes from; the attraction to a charming, dangerous person who could either protect you from any harm or crush you like grape. Although with different franchises, I wasn't immune to the bad boy trope either (Yes, I'm looking at you, my teenage self drooling over Grimmjow from Bleach). If we can appreciate the genuine, brotherly friendship between nerdy Eli and Demetri, the shift that Eli makes as he transitions into Hawk and becomes more aggressive and dominant gives their relationship a totally different flavor. Attrition sparks a certain tension that, in the viewer's eyes, could either flow into a brawl or into passion.

During the mall fight, Demetri comes to the realization that his former best friend is actually someone who can crush him like grape. We see Hawk intentionally harming him for the first time, and Demetri's heartbreaking expression as he drops the line: "You'd actually hurt me?" And if that line gave us a pang in our hearts when we first watched Season 2, imagine rewatching it now that we know what happens in Season 3. Demetri is chased down the mall, running for his life, and then he's locked in a grip, as his best friend menacingly advances towards him. Demetri appears as the damsel in distress, however his friend is not the one who will fight to protect him, but rather his tormentor.

During the party at Moon's, Demetri manages to briefly go through Hawk's mask and reach out to Eli, thanks to a casual conversation about Dr Who. But then the beer incident happens, and Demetri defends himself with the only weapon he has – his loudmouth. The situation is reversed, and for a brief moment, he gets to be the dominant one as he discloses all Eli's most intimate secrets. Demetri is now actively contributing to the Hurt/Comfort dynamic; he's no longer just a target, but he's doing his part to enlarge that gaping hole that has formed between them. And Hawk didn't take it well.

From this moment on, Demetri becomes a sort of obsession to Hawk, who hunts him down the school, teasing him and taunting him sadistically, like a serial killer from a horror movie, during the big fight. Of course, in real life, this would be completely insane, and the police/a social assistant/psychiatrist should be called, but in ShipLand, these situations are pure gold. Okay, we get it, Hawk wants to get revenge for the humiliation at the party, and he wants to crush that nerd part of himself he sees in Demetri, but he does it with such an intensity that it borders on ridiculous. It's like this is his twisted way to acknowledge Demetri's presence. Eventually, Hawk ends up smashed into the trophy case, and I confess I felt a little disappointed when Demetri broke that hug to give Hawk a roundhouse kick. I mean, it was a great comeback, but I was sincerely hoping for a "No hard feelings man, let's get outta here!" scenario.

Getting back to the sick and twisted way Hawk acknowledges Demetri's presence, he destroys his science project after he got jealous due to him being confident in his nerd self and laughing around with his ex girlfriend (whom the writers insist he still has a crush on). Speaking of Moon, I have a feeling she likes Hawk mostly based on his badass appearance. Remember when she goes "I like this (mohawk) and I love these (muscles), but I'm not dating a bully"?

Then the football match happens. Okay, let's break this down. Demetri trips Hawk and acts all sassy, and a fellow Cobra Kai is immediately ready to take him down, but Hawk stops him. "Fight smart, he says". Too bad that literally 5 seconds earlier he had shoved a kid to the ground just because his ex girlfriend (again, duuuh~) ignored him when he winked at her. And then, as he's trying to intercept the ball, BANG, Hawk hits Demetri, sending him to the ground, pretending it was an accident. So, what does this tell us? That Hawk has some serious anger management issues? Yeah sure, but also that he cares about fighting smart only as long as it serves as an excuse to leave Demetri for him, because he's his designated target. Again, this is all but romantic, and it doesn't necessarily have to be interpreted as him lusting after his friend, but it's undeniable that this dynamic offers a lot of ship fuel.

The arm breaking thing is just too painful to even analyze. We see a completely helpless Demetri begging for mercy to his ex best friend, who has made No Mercy his life motto. And that scream, oh that scream. All I wanted to see was Hawk realizing what he had done and throwing himself on his knees while begging for forgiveness. But I'm glad that at least we get to see he feels awful for what he's done, and I like to think that, as he got home, Eli cried out all the tears he had in his body thinking about poor Demetri at the hospital, with a swollen broken arm, all because of him. Of all the situations, this is undoubtedly the most deranged and extreme, and if something like this happened in real life, the wrongdoer would deserve to be punished and would definitely need to be sent to therapy. But in ShipLand, this opens the road to many, many different scenarios, in which the bully understands his mistakes and shifts back to the good side, or the two share a tender moment after they reconcile, or the traumatized character has to to learn to trust the other one again, or the bully becomes overprotective of his former victim, etc.

#3 - A Rewarding Reconciliation

Finally, we come to the reconciliation, in which Hawk makes his heel-to-face turn. While we've seen him torn with doubt for an entire season about his sensei's teachings, his actions and the people he wants to surround himself with, the key factor that drives Hawk's redemption is the sight of his best friend being held down for him to beat. And with an epic stunt and his awesome KEEEH screech, Hawk jumps to the rescue of his friend. Like many of us, Demetri thought this was still part of the "Only I Can Torment Him" dynamic I discussed earlier, as he steps backwards a little concerned, but then he understands that action was actually meant to save him, and the two begin to fight side by side, in sync, watching each other's back. You can see Demetri's eyes sparkling at the thought of having his friend back.

Also, not only Demetri stands up to alpha bitch Tory in defense of Eli, but he also speaks for his friend when he's faltering, just like he used to. So kudos for Demetri.

#4 - The Red Oni, Blue Oni Dynamic

Binary Brothers are two sides of the same coin and complete each other with opposite character traits, visually expressed by the color red and the color blue. Being the color red typically associated with violence, rage, passion and irrationality, as opposed to blue, which is associated with calmness, melancholy and rationality, red is clearly the dominant color. Again, this opens many interesting scenarios for shippers.

#5 - Body Language

Besides the situations I described above, which may or may not be read from a romantic/attraction standpoint, there are also a collection of small gestures I noticed when rewatching the series with a more attentive look on their relationship.

- Demetri's heart-broken expression when Eli shamefully covers his lip during the anti-bullying announcement.

- The smile Demetri gives when Hawk responds "Hell yeah!" after Aisha proposes to crash Yasmin's party, implying he's learning to embrace this new wild side of his best friend

- The astonished look with which Demetri watches Hawk at the tournament and the way he's pissed no one knows his real name.

- How deeply hurt Demetri is when Hawk belittles him by saying: "Five against three. More like two and a half." He even tries to reply, but he's caught so off guard that words die in his throat.

- How Demetri takes a step towards Hawk during the mall fight, before Sam makes him back off, and how sadly he looks at Hawk's nearly unconscious body after Robby defeated him.

- How Demetri smiles and nods when he briefly connects with Eli at Moon's party, despite the mall incident.

- How Hawk watches Demetri juggle with the cleaning product from behind his bike helmet (how did he stuff the mohawk in there by the way)?

- Hawk's psychotic/sadistic faces when he smells Demetri's blood, and how he likes to hunt him down like he's his prey.

- Hawk's secret impulse to comfort Demetri after the arm breaking (I hope you get nightmares of Demetri's howl of pain for the rest of your life, Hawk).

- The way Hawk twitches his upper lip when he sees his friend Demetri in danger.

- How Hawk and Demetri are so absorbed in their new-found friendship, that they're caught off guard, and Demetri swings Hawk to allow him to deliver a kick using their handshake as a lever. And how they keep fighting together, shaking each other's hands even when they're out of focus and the attention is on Miguel vs. Kyler.

- How they're standing so close at Miyagi Do, in comparison with the other Red/Blue partners.

In conclusion, this kind of relationships are engaging and entertaining to watch, and they make us wish the best for the characters. They make us hope that, in the end, as Miguel puts it, love really conquers all (and what is friendship if not a form of love?), despite all the hurt they did to each other.

So this is it. I hope you enjoyed my Ted Talk. Feel free to share it with whomever you want, especially if you need some solid reasons why this ship has got some good potential.

And remember: the ship is in the eye of the beholder.

F.

[seokjinsdisciple]

It’s a Deal- three

supernatural! johnny x reader x jaehyun,  mate!au

its heating up my friends and boy is the plot gonna be spicy

Word Count: 1.6k

warnings: language, supernatural stuff

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You had decided that whatever happened yesterday was just a dream, some sort of midterms week hallucinations. And you were never, NEVER, going to think of them again. You had to attribute it to a momentary lapse in sanity, because nothing else would be able to explain the absolute shitshow that was yesterday, and to be honest, you didn’t really want any explanations. 

So you continued on with your day as you normally would. You worked your shift at the cafe, attended your classes, and nothing happened. You were relieved. You felt the tension that had been building up in you all day long ebb out. 

It happened when you were walking home from your last class. You chose to go through the student center, the chill of the night air enough to drive you inside. Something you never allowed yourself to do. You liked walking outside, but tonight, you felt an inexplicable pull towards the student center. 

You saw him near the dining hall. He was leaning against the wall and when he noticed you staring he smiled. It was a stunning smile, and it showed his dimples. He chuckled a bit as you stared, walking towards your frozen body. He drew looks from everyone around, and you felt your heart swell with, what was it? Jealousy? Pride? After all it was you he was walking towards. You couldn’t hide your grin as the people around you looked you up and down in shock.

He was in front of you before you could take a deep breath. And now you were stuck breathing in his heavenly lavender scent. It was intoxicating and you were overwhelmed. 

“Long time no see,” he giggled, his dimples deepening. You swear you melted, his giggle and his dimples probably the most adorable thing you had ever witnessed.

 “That’s something humans say, right?” he asked quietly, taking a quick glance around. 

“Yeah some people say that,” you smiled back, “What exactly are you doing here? Don’t you have… I don’t know, prince stuff to do?”

“I do,” he smiled, “but I quite like pissing off my father, and enrolling here also allows me the pleasure of pissing off my brother.”

“Wait- you enrolled?”

Jaehyun just shrugged and nodded, like enrolling in college was some simple thing. Oh my god. The money he had to have spent to enroll, and to not even want to learn something! You could never imagine wasting that much money, let alone even having that much money. 

“Why do you look so worried, pet?” Jaehyun said, intertwining his hand in yours and pulling you brusquely through the student center, “Hurry, we’ve got an important event to attend.”

“What event?” you asked, “Jaehyun, where are we going?”

He ignored your questions, mischief in his eyes as he lead you to a part of campus you had been avoiding all day, the quad where you knew the portal to the faerie world lay. Knots formed in your tummy, nervousness seeping out of every pore of your body that Jaehyun had to wrinkle his nose at your now distressed scent. 

“Jaehyun I don’t wanna go there again,” you said, halting your movements, “You can’t make me.”

“That pet, is where you are wrong.”

With a flick of his thumb across your hand, and with his words making you more angry than you should be, he effectively distracted you just enough to go through the portal. Before you knew it, you were standing in front of the most magnificent palace you had ever seen. Your anger dissipated as you took in the pearly white stone mansion in front of you. You were in complete awe. 

Faeries loitering around the front gate bowed their heads as Jaehyun waltzed passed them, not even glancing in their direction. He was too busy staring at you. He couldn’t help but grin at your wonder, your mouth open in awe at the sight in front of you. He had to admit, the palace was exceptional, even if he hated every moment he spent in its walls. 

You took one look at your oversized sweatshirt and ripped jeans, suddenly feeling extremely unconscious. How could you enter a palace in such a horribly under-dressed way. 

As if he read your mind, Jaehyun chuckled, “Don’t worry, I picked out a dress just for you, pet.”

You just swallowed, touching the necklace that he had given you around your neck as you followed him through the palace into a decadent blue room. It was the most expensive looking room you had ever been in. Gold detailing on the walls and ceiling. The gold resembling trees, and animals and stars and so many other things. But the stars entranced you, their gold sparkling shapes looking too real to be painted. Plus, you could’ve sworn you saw one of the stars move. 

Your eyes fell onto a gown that was hanging in the corner, a gasp leaving your mouth before you could even control yourself. It was a beautiful gown, a dark navy blue that looked expensive as hell. You took one look behind you, to say something, anything to Jaehyun that would express how you could absolutely no way wear something that expensive, but he was gone. Several faeries stood at the door, their makeup and hair done extravagantly already. 

“Well what are you waiting for?” An older looking woman said with a smile, “Put it on.”

And you did. The dress was more than you ever expected, flecks of gold and silver shining as you walked. It looked like a piece of the night sky had been cut and made into a dress. You blushed as you looked at yourself in the mirror. Much more of your skin showing that you would’ve guessed just by looking at the dress hanging up. Then again, faeries were less modest than humans, so you supposed no one would notice the extra skin. 

The faeries crowded around you at once, hurrying to pull your hair up and do your make up. They were done so quickly you couldn’t believe it. The woman from before, smiled gently at you as she pulled out a golden headband adorned with gold metal stars. Your outfit completely taking you aback, I mean you looked like a completely different person. You looked like a fae. 

You took your appearance in, the past 30 minutes feeling like a complete dream. You had never been taken care of like this. 

You heard a cough from behind you, and turned quickly to see Jaehyun in an equally stunning emerald silk top. He smiled brightly as he took in your appearance. 

“You look magnificent, pet,” He bowed slightly, offering his hand out for you to take. 

“Jaehyun, I-,” you started, “Thank you for this, but I really can’t accept something so expensive, and for me to take all this time in your room, I shouldn’t.”

You were halted in the middle of your sentence by a laugh from him, “This room is far too simple to be mine, it lacks many luxuries and necessities. This is simply one of our guest rooms that I thought was perfect for you, along with that dress.”

“Still, you have to let me wear something else, or at least pay you back.”

This received a snort from the prince, “You couldn’t pay the price of this dress in your lifetime pet. So please, let me gift it to you. I picked it out with the thought of you, and would be so offended if you refused. I thought a dress of stars was perfect for someone with a galaxy twinkling in their eyes.”

Now, you weren’t stupid. You studied mythology and creatures everyday. But Jaehyun’s compliment had knocked you off of your game for just a second. Taking a deep breath, you tried your hardest to focus. Knowing if you were going to be indebted to him was important. 

“And do I have to give you something in return?” You asked, a sudden lump in your throat.

“Nothing is free here, pet.” Jaehyun smirked, “It’d be best to remember that tonight. You’ll be surrounded by very curious fae. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

You had a sinking feeling as you followed behind Jaehyun warily. The magnificence of the halls sterring your thoughts more towards their decadence, rather than the debt you now owed. You reached large white and gold doors, that Jaehyun pushed open with ease. Jaehyun pulled you into a banquet room filled with elegantly dressed fae, you left to follow behind him helplessly. The laughing and chattering subsiding at the Prince’s entrance. 

Jaehyun held your hand tightly as he guided you up the stairs towards the throne where his family were seated in their respective seats beside an older looking faerie. Jaehyun’s father looked you up and down once, before sending a chill down your spine at his words. 

“The court welcomes YN LN,  beloved betrothed of Prince Jaehyun, and future Queen of Longate Isle.”

You heard a gasp, and you genuinely didn’t know if it came from you. It took you a bit longer to process the words that were just spoken, but when you did, panic overtook you. You whipped your head towards Jaehyun, who was too busy thanking his father for him to notice. You felt a pair of eyes bore into the side of your face, whispers and gasps echoing throughout the room as the shock from the news spread throughout the room.  

“Consider us equal for the dress now pet,” Jaehyun whispered in your ear, a sly grin on his face. 

You looked at Johnny, realizing he was the one who had been staring at you intently. He was standing, a fact that he didn’t find as troublesome as his sister, who was desperately trying to pull him down by his pants. His gaze was wild and furious, and for a moment, you thought he was pissed at you. You quickly realized he was staring at Jaehyun with murder in his eyes. He cleared his throat, glancing away from his brother and towards you, his face paling the more the news started settling into his brain. 

His anger morphed into panic the longer he looked at you. Which made you wonder what the hell you had just gotten into. You were scared. You were mortified of whatever Jaehyun had planned. And you were pissed that yet another faerie tricked you into doing something that would change your life. Your fear was multiplied by Jaehyun’s one word whisper as he passed Johnny to sit down, your shocked frame falling into his lap easily.  

Jaehyun’s voice saying checkmate repeating over and over in your head.