#it happens when I'm sleep deprived

[agent-calivide]

TW: incredibly unhealthy/abusive relationship dynamic, possessiveness

Phoenix x Zor. But like. Very specifically in an unhealthy/toxic way. Zor is very possessive of Phoenix, in fact, they look at the agent more like a show dog than a partner. Phoenix is their trophy, their prized possession that sits at Zor's right hand not because Zor wants them to be respected, but because they like watching their once nemesis squirm. But at the same time, they hate the thought of their bird escaping its gilded cage, feeling anger, sadness, and a fiery determination every time the birdie flies away only to revel in the feeling of them being dragged back

Phoenix loathes every second of it and is constantly trying to escape, but every time they get out they feel drawn to go back to the field and face the doctor once more. And every time they manage to stroke their own ego enough, they slip up and end up right back at where they were in the doctor's arms. There is no love, no comfort, but a thrilling rush of passion and hatred they can't get enough of.

[nobody-nexus]

Me, sleep deprived: Most of the digital circus cast don't have hair

...And then it lead to this

I'm sorry

[jjkspinterest]

Yuuji, being forced to sleep in Sukuna's bed: I hate you, and I will try to murder you in your sleep.

Sukuna: You can try

[green-cinnamon-stick]

Louis De Pointe Du Lac: A Study on Memory

Okay this started off as me berating myself for watching "I Could Not Prevent It" before work. And devolved into revelations. So enjoy my sleep deprived ramblings. Spoilers ahead for S2.

Okay why the fuck did I watch this episode knowing I have a week of hell at work ahead of me? Because now I'm spiraling going through the tag on Twitter. There is SO much nuance added to Loustat. And after hours upon hours of the manipulation that is Loumand, to finally have Loustat again is driving me mad. Because we got them back but at what cost? This isn't them and because so much of Paris is laced with Armand, it's hard to tell what's real from what we think is real. Hell Armand said the very same. But I don't mean the obviously not real elements like the trial. I mean the times Lestat breaks character, but instead of adding to what Louis told us, it's almost a complete rewrite. Which brings into question how unstable Louis' mind actually is. Louis who is attentive and consistently praises Daniel for his memory. Daniel who is not a spring chicken and had a very serious drug addiction for almost a decade. The man whose memory shouldn't be as intact as it is. Why does he recall more than the vampire who's supposed to be better than humans. Yes time warps things but complete rewrites? Is Louis' brain and memory that fragile or is this more manipulation from Armand? Which also begs the question, how much is Armand doctoring Louis' memory? After the San Francisco episode they want us to believe if he can rewrite a week, he can do more. But what if he HASN'T done that much. What's Louis' actual mental decline and what's Armand? We also still have no explanation for Lestat outside of Louis potentially being schizophrenic...........holy shit I think I just answered my own question.

Schizophrenia is a genetic trait. I've been saying it's the trauma because I wrote off Paul as an anomaly in their family. But what if he's not? What if Louis' own schizophrenia was simply delayed BECAUSE of the vampirism. But time is catching up to him and the immortal blood can only do so much. "Law number 2: The Dark Gifts must never be given to the crippled." The law goes on to say it's because the gift should be bestowed on beauteous people as a laugh in the face of god. But time and time again we've heard it can't be given to children who are also considered crippled, because their brains can not handle it. It has nothing to do with beauty and everything to do with vampirism exacerbating issues. When Lestat made Louis he seemed of sound mind and body, and he was...because it hadn't started yet. And a vampire surviving brutal injuries in turn makes them stronger. Louis burns himself his first day. The fall was his first big recovery. Then the burning in SF. He's gotten stronger which keeps the decline at bay. But he's growing weaker living in that tomb of an apartment. Armand goes out but Louis stays home. Isolated.

He tried to break free with Daniel once. Here we are again and would you look at that...his memory is suddenly coming back clearer. Okay I need to sleep before I dig even deeper into whether or not I'm way off base or I've cracked the code.

[pinksilvace]

it's ultimate blorbo hours

[yujeong]

I remember stumbling upon a couple of comments about Vegas' "You're the most important person in my life" line, saying that it's a bad thing to say because Macau exists and I have thoughts about it.

Pete is the most important person in Vegas' life. He's the man who saved him twice - both from his enemies and from himself - , he's the man who opened his eyes about his father's abuse, he's the man who showed empathy and love to him despite being tortured within an inch of his life by him. Sure, Macau loves him too and without him, Vegas wouldn't have the capability of love at all (shout-out to Lusn's brilliant line in smog lights, it's still stuck in my head) but let's also keep in mind that he's his brother and younger brother at that. He can only offer so much to him, there are limits to what he can do.

People had said the same thing when Vegas was going to commit suicide too.

"What does he mean he has nothing? He has Macau. Why isn't he thinking about him? He's going to leave him alone, that's so cruel"

Well...I have never had suicidal thoughts in my life but I can assume that when a person gets to that point, they're 1. not thinking rationally and 2. not thinking of themselves as valuable. I'm sure if Vegas thought of Macau while pointing the gun to his chin, he'd think he'd be doing Macau a favour by dying.

Back to the original point, the same is true for Pete. Vegas is Pete's most important person in his life too. Vegas unlocked a part of Pete he kept hidden and was in deep denial about, letting him be a person with wants and needs and a voice, instead of background decor in his own life. But fans don't really think about that because Pete never said it and Pete's grandma was only mentioned throughout the show, only having two phone call cameos in which we didn't even hear what she said. What applies to Macau though, applies to her too.

I understand why it sounded off to some people. I think it's the innate belief most people have about family and it being the most important thing in someone's life, everything else coming in second place, including friendships and romantic/sexual partners. I need them to understand though that in the case of VP, it isn't just a sexual/romantic relationship. They're basically soulmates; they were two broken pieces that fit together. They bonded under such hard circumstances and came on top despite everything being against them. One would not be able to live without the other.

And in my honest opinion, I think Macau knows this. There's a reason he's smiling like the cute little gremlin that he is, while watching them kissing, having heard everything Vegas said. He knows Pete is the most important person in Vegas' life and he's extremely happy about it. Someone else finally sees Vegas like he sees him. Someone finally loves him with all his heart, so much so that they left their whole previous life behind for him. Vegas finally has a family that he loves and loves him back, Macau included. And I think that's beautiful.

[teecupangel]

As usual, I'm sleep deprived due to traditions so I made these memes for my AC fics for 2023.

Here's the memes for the 2022 AC fics I did last year and here's the memes for Eagle of Alamut that @knine-nights-loves-ac started with a few more memes XD

(Spoilers all over)

Gen Fics

The Assassin, The Ghost, and The Heir

The Helios Job

The Shadow’s Endgame

The Price of Power

A New Way To Do Things

(the fic pretty much has the two seesawing on who is angry at Achilles at different scenes)

Ouverture

grayspace(17)

Möbius

Jacob Frye’s Not So Good, Absolutely Weird Evening

.

.

For the fics with pairings

This Isn’t What Juno Meant When She Said Desmond Would Rebuild Mankind (Maybe)

Beloved Moon

A Welcoming Darkness

Wedding Gift

A Reward for A Good Pet

Desmond Should Top... As A Treat series

Babysitter Desmond’s Black Book series

[nabanna]

[daily-whistlepaw]

daily whistlepaw until ah becomes PoV day 1167

I think I finally understand how people feel when around a crush, can't say I enjoy it

[coquelicoq]

orv leverage au. is this anything

[alienjaes]

It is terrifying trying to fight off passing out

Like someone keeps turning down your awareness when you're not looking and suddenly it's like struggling through oobleck to keep yourself awake

[damsnackbar03]

erm

[lemonhemlock]

Do you think that Sansa will be qitn ?

I 100% think Sansa will be in some kind of ruling position at the end of the books, in Winterfell. Whether that's Lady of Winterfell, co-ruling with her husband (*cough*Jon*cough*) or as a regent, I genuinely don't think anyone can know for certain and there is even a possibility that the author himself left that thread up in the air for a long time, since he's more of a "gardener" type of writer, leaving the door open for the options I listed.

As for QITN, I'm not convinced that seceding into individual kingdoms at the end of the series would change anything of significance. So, Sansa getting to call herself Queen instead of Lady of the North is not particularly progressive - just more of the same feudalism, but on a smaller scale. Nor am I against unitary states lol. Certainly our real world history has had us evolving away from the decentralized feudal system to the centralized bureaucracy of modern states, interspersed by the, *gasp here* installation of (enlightened) absolutism, before the advent of democratic institutions.*

So, I'm not expecting Westeros to turn into a socialist commune at the end of the series. I think it's fair to say GRRM is looking for a model of "good kingship", for his King Arthur, if you may. The claimants in the War of the 5 Kings die for a reason, because they do not fit that mold. They're not, IDK, let's use the term worthy, because this is a medieval fantasy concerned with critiques on honour and morality. We're not overthrowing the monarchy at the end of ADOS.

However, it would be nice if, at the end, we could see some possibility for the emergence of elements that would slowly contribute to the downfall of feudalism, like the development of cities, of the middle classes, wealth diversification and the erosion of the powers feudal lords enjoy, as well as technological progress, which has been laughably and unrealistically slow in Westeros. That last bit could have simply been done for narrative purposes, not to complicate the story too much, because this is fantasy, after all, so I'm not too pressed by it. But I feel like real technological change could only happen if magic is completely eradicated from the world and the climate returns to normal, which I am expecting to happen.

*huge simplification i know don't yell @ me, history is not that linear and neat. but still.

[autism-swagger]

I've gotten maybe 7 hours of sleep max over the past 3 days.

[arctic-hands]

My last bout of sleep paralysis (which was when I was recently hospitalized for nine days and getting no sleep because literally almost every half hour someone was waking me up for vitals or a blood drawl or to give me medicine or to prod my stomach or the attending bringing in the interns because I'm a great case study or because my infusion pump wanted to make obnoxious noises for no reason) was so horrific that when I told my therapist about it yesterday she visibly paled and freaked out on my behalf. Is that a good sign?