#it hurts soooooo fucking bad dude

[kidfur]

my tummy is trying to Fucking Kill Me and im being so brave about it

[hellfireeddiemunson]

sick of making plans with a specific friend only for her to not reach out abt actually hanging out until the afternoon after i’ve waited all day to hear back from her or for her to just cancel last minute entirely after i’ve again waited all day to hear back from her

[angst-is-love-angst-is-life]

Can you recommend me some good fics where Barry Allen gets kidnapped :) since in one of your tags you said you read a lot of them lol

I read them, I write them, I live and breathe them. Absolutely anon, allow me to dive into my bookmarks.

Just a reminder, always be sure to check the tags and warnings to know what you're getting into. Stay safe out there folks!

Juncture by @pennflinn may be my favorite fic of all time. Technically he gets kidnapped before the story's events but that's because it's an alternate ending to Escape from Earth-2 (and he is held captive for pretty much the entire fic so). The whump is SUPREME and the overall story is so well written. I will always recommend this fic.

One Second by pennflinn. Another one by penn because she is an incredible writer and HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS FIC!! It takes my favorite premise for a fic "What if Barry was kidnapped in this scene/episode when he wasn't in canon!" and brings it to a WHOLE nother level. This one is diverges from 1x14 "Fallout" where, instead of everyone getting away semi-safely, Eiling kidnaps Barry and whump ensures. BUT there's another twist to this fic that (in my opinion) makes it stand out from many others-- every once in a while, there's a glimpse of a parallel universe where the events were different and let's just say some of those universes h u r t. Also, I wanted to kill Eiling so bad after reading this that I wrote a ficlet with the sole purpose of murdering him :) Anyways, go read; it's amazing.

Miles Through The Night by @hedgiwithapen. First off, this is an everyone whump fic, Barry is not the only one who is kidnapped but 1. IT HURTS GODS IT HURTS SO BAD I'M DYING. 2. The writing is spectacular, all the characters are super well done, and the story is INTENSE I'M STILL DYING SORRY I'LL STOP NOW. In this one-- actually nvm, the actual summary will do it justice. "With Eobard Thawne dead, life in Central City can go back to normalish. But Barry’s greatest enemy is not a speedster from the future fixated on him, and Eobard’s threat may have been the only thing keeping Team Flash safe from someone who doesn’t consider any meta to be human." THAT'S RIGHT-- AN EILING FIC! Just. Go read it, it's so good and I'm dying.

Lightning Bug by Hedgi. The writing in this was SUPERB and Eiling is a fucking bastard as always (count your days general.). And this time we have another speedster in the mix-- a toddler Wally! Ngl, I just reread this while getting the link and it was SO GOOD-- and once again my words can't seem to do it justice so I'll leave you with the summary "Months after the defeat of Zoom, Barry's main concern (aside from the odd metahuman attack) is helping Joe and Iris raise the four and a half year old Speedster Wally West, Cisco-named "Lightning Bug." And while that's hard, it's nice to have this speedster as family, not an enemy. Things are pretty easy.

Unfortunately, that doesn't last. After all, General Eiling's deal was only good for as long as their mutual enemies were still a threat." Eiling needs to die in a ditch as you can see, but there's some really sweet whump in this and it's because of him soooooo-- anyways, go read; it was fantastic.

Can’t Take That Away From Me by SophiaCatherine (or @sophiainspace on here). DUDE. DUDE DUDE DUDE-- I LOVE THIS FIC. I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC. EVen once the whump passes, the A N G S T is so delicious! From the beginning of the first chapter alone; you'll see the sweet whump AND angst this fic has in store. Oh, and it's Coldflash which I somehow forgot to mention even though that's a foundation of the entire fic lmao. I love it, go read. Also, there is a sequel but it's not Barry being whumped this time... double also; there's a prequel and it's really sweet (no whump in that one fyi)

I Never Told Him by messedupstargazer. I am SCREAMING. THIS. FIC. Fyi, it's Coldflash. SO MUCH ANGST THE WHUMP-- IT'S SO GOOD I HAVE NO WORDS. DYING DYING DYING I AM DEAD I HAVE PERISHED.

Looking through all of these at once has filled me with many emotions and I apologize if some parts were incoherent. I'm probably missing a few and may add more as I find them but for now I'll finish with these two I wrote.

12 hours Barry's kidnapped before the events of the story but I think it still counts. He's trapped in Zoom's lair and forced to run for twelve hours every day :)

Trophy this is my beloved and the entire fic is a Barry whump fest (and angst. a lot of angst.). (or will be, There's one chapter posted atm) Technically we haven't seen the kidnapping yet but in the first scene he is in a cell so. Premise is that Zoom wins in the season 2 finale and everything goes to hell from there. I do feel obligated to warn though that there's not a happy ending for this one.

Thanks for asking! I'm always eager to share Barry whump! :D

[crimeronan]

Dunno if this counts as horrible things but it sure is a Situation I’ve had in mind for a while but do not have the time or brainpower to do anything with: Post ASITS/Reaching Out but pre-Hollow Mind where Belos somehow gets wind of Hunter having a gigantic crush (probably from Kiki) and confronts him about it with full intent to dispose of another failed Grimwalker but when Belos asks after which witch has stolen his nephews heart Hunter panics not wanting Belos to target Willow and says it’s Luz. She had the Owl Lady and Lilith and The Demonic Bird Tube and she’s already a traitor to the Empire that Belos let’s walk around freely so it’s fine it’s totally fine Belos will just punish him for getting distracted from his duty to the Titan and nobody else has to get hurt. Except the second he says Luz’s name all the menace radiating off Belos that Hunter associates with his curse vanishes completely.

Hunter thinks he fucked up so bad that his Uncle’s so shocked and appalled at him that he can’t even be properly angry so he keeps trying to explain with half truths. Luz was the traveler who picked him out of the wreckage of his ship and they bonded over not having magic and he just keeps going until he says that he believes they can “save her from wild magic,” like Belos saved him. And so whether it’s cause he does want to “save” a human from the Demon Realm and witchcraft or because he thinks Hunter “falling for a human” is a sign that he might have actually gotten Caleb right this time, Belos flips the script and tells Hunter that “Yes, this is your purpose as decreed by the Titan. You are to court and save the Human Girl from the terrors of wild magic by the day of Unity. Nobody has a fun time about this

YELL. THIS IS SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SOS O SOOOOOO GOOD. FIC-WORTHY TBH. i also doubt i have the time to do anything with it ficwise but GOD.

i think hunter would have no fucking idea how to Court Someone and would just be transparently pathetic and weird in ways that like.,... like. luz doesn't even think he's Crushing on her. she's just like hey. dude. are you good?? are you Sick?? what is the deal here

like hunter is not suave or subtle when he's undercover. We Know This. made even more complicated by the fact that luz knows what he's like when he's Not undercover, albeit having met a very different side of him than willow did

i feel like hunter would break pretty fast and fess up about what's going on because he thinks -- based on their prior interactions -- that he can probably get through to luz better if he's honest with her. and he likes having relationships where he can be honest. so he's very earnestly trying to explain that the titan wants her to abandon wild magic and MAYBE come with him back to the castle or whatever and to stop being taken in by eda's wicked ways since she's evil and all that

and luz isn't even upset or put off by the courting thing, like. she's like okay well i'm dating amity but this is probably just how castle politics work, i've read a lot of fantasy YA, i get it, it's whatever. hunter if you think i'm going to leave eda who is my mom and closest friend for your fascist dictator uncle then you are OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND-

[forcebookish]

Rank the ofs characters from favorite to least favorite

Ps love your blog 😊

HMMMMMMMM, i'm going to stick with the main boys and cheum because i either have next to no opinion about the rest of the cast (yo, plug, dan, gap, etc.) or you already know i fucking hate them (atom, boeing); i like april well enough, but she didn't get much screentime - i think more of her than the other supporting/guest roles, but her position as cheum's girlfriend kind of just made her likable and that was it.

all that being said, i think these are going to be obvious, if controversial, but get ready for a lot of words regardless. hopefully no one finds this through the search function 😅

1. top

MY SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i genuinely love everything about him. i think he was actually the only character who never went out of his way to hurt someone, was only ever mean to or fought with people who started (and deserved) it, and even tried to be friendly with people who treated him like garbage. he was always sweet with mew, only ever yelled to defend himself (and even with mew, just barely raised his voice), and truly was never the asshole the other characters, the fandom, or even top himself made him out to be. even the stuff that was actually true that the fandom hated him for was hot lol can't account for taste *flips hair* and he was so loving!!! i don't know why people didn't get that!!! plus the way he wraps himself around someone when he kisses? 👌👌👌👌 despite his limited screentime (🤬🤬🤬🤬), he still had the best character development and backstory.

2. mew

not a surprise that everyone (except boston lol) loved him. i didn't always like his choices and i think the writers dropped the ball on him hard with some very bizarre character inconsistencies but barring most of episode 10 and 12, he's like top said: cute, sexy, and interesting. like. so sexy. soooooo soos ossoso so sos fuckign sexy oh my god. he wasn't naive or bland, he had so much more going on, and i loved how playful and competitive he was. i don't have a lot to say about mew tbh i just love him haha

3. nick

WHAT A FREAK OH MY GOD. i think he fell victim to more drama contrivances than i would have preferred (the audio being edited, him never confronting sand about stealing it or telling mew who stole it, dan disappearing from his life, his whole storyline completely forgotten). really, the only bad dude of the bunch who i loved because he was so... fascinating. and again, didn't really do anything just to hurt anyone; there was no malice in his actions, he just was... a freak lol but it was weird how much it felt like the drama didn't really care about him?? for example, i HATED his ending. while rejecting boston was the right thing to do, what happened after that!??!???? did he move out?? did he go to america? did he keep working at dan's office??? what happened to him!!???!??? justice for nick!!!!!

4. cheum

i really like how serious she is most of the time but that she also has a goofy side. however, it didn't make any sense that she went from feeling for top and relying on him to going back to calling him an asshole. it would have been way more interesting (and lbr, realistic!!!) if they became friends again. plus her just instantly forgiving atom for lying about boston just because he was a babygay??? come on. other than that, i think she had some pretty consistent characterization and growth: she was probably the only one who really cared about their friendships, and to a fault (wanting to help mew, being frustrated with ray overlooking her, dropping top without trying to understand him, and giving boston a second chance just because she felt guilty and wanted everyone to get along again), which was an interesting trait/direction. plus, her wanting to kiss ray was so real and iconic.

5. boston

yes, he's higher on the list than i ever would have expected. i still hate him: there's the sexual assault and coercion, creepy creeping, talking shit about or screwing over his "friends," only apologizing when it was demanded of him (and even then, half-assed), and only ever caring about himself. but! at least he did it in an interesting and not annoying way. i was never bored or annoyed when he was on screen; as much as i hated him, i did kinda wanna see what he was going to do. it was even almost fun to hate him! i think they could have done more with him (his subplot with atom was pretty pointless - his fucking top should have been enough for him to end up friendless lmao), like his dad's verbal abuse/not being out to him or his parents' divorce, and had been more honest about what everyone actually saw in him. he was an asshole to the point where it was unclear why anyone liked him lol but i do like that he got what he wanted in the end, and in the worst possible of circumstances! i wouldn't say he got his true comeuppance, but it was a cool end to his arc.

6. sand

oooh, sand and ray fought hard for who i hated more lmao but in the end, there were at least a few things i liked about sand: smashing his phone to steal the sex tape (seriousSLY WHA TWAS THAT OMG IT WAS AMAZING fucking lunatic), making plum wine, and his relationship with his mom. then why isn't he higher than boston? while boston has pretty much no positive attributes as a person, the things i hate about sand as a character outweigh those few things i like about him. the way he lets ray walk all over him no matter what, can't forgive top for boeing when boeing was obviously a fucking dickhead, doesn't apologize to top for ruining his life, pretends to give a shit about mew when he just wanted to blow up top's life and get back at ray in the process, and somehow being kinda... boring? the aforementioned stuff i liked was certainly interesting, but most of the time he just kind of... followed along with ray; there wasn't that much more to his arc, it was just a cycle of abuse. plus, the fandom claimed that mew thought he was better than everyone, but sand actually thought he was better than everyone, and never acknowledged that anything he did was bad. everything was justified to him. and he clearly is addicted to alcohol too like why did he just keep drinking with ray when he knew ray was an addict!!! come on, dude!!

7. ray

like boston, why do people like this guy!!???!????? characters and viewers alike! every single thing about him is annoying. in the first episode, i thought he was just quick to anger and therefore actually had the potential for being my favorite character, but he's just a whiny little bitch. the way he talks, the way he treats his friends and especially sand, the way he BARELY EVER apologizes for the worst of what he does (apologizing for not telling mew and cheum about being hospitalized but not about yelling at them and exposing their secrets; apologizing for calling mew dumb but not SCREAMING AT HIM FOR NOT FUCKING HIM????????????!!!!!!!!!!!?!!!!!!???!???????!???) (i think the one time he did was only when he kissed mew and that was just because mew was going to cut him out of his life, i don't believe for a second it was because he actually felt bad about it), how he always brings up his dead mom as if that's an excuse to treat everyone like shit, and the way he gets away with everything. fucking everything. he should have gone to jail! twice! he spends the whole series denying the fact that he has a problem and then goes to, what, a week of rehab and just is perfectly fine? that shit with boeing was so out of line and yet sand was the one who had to apologize for it?? what the fuck??? acted all high and mighty at top despite CHEATING ON MEW?? AND NOT BECAUSE SOME ASSHOLE TRICKED HIM HE REALLY DROVE TWO HOURS TO FUCK SOMEONE ELSE AND THEN FACED NO CONSEQUENCES FOR IT SERIOUSLY FUCK THIS GUY. i really truly cannot think of a single thing i like about him lmao completely insufferable. hated nearly every moment he was on screen. i probably would have liked the series 38402390483024 times more if he weren't in it. AND I HATE THAT I WROTE THE MOST ABOUT HIM OUT OF EVERYONE

moreover:

in general, it's actually kind of a bummer that the writers felt like they needed to include sandray at all. they were the only characters in the main cast who were wholly made up and not based on anyone irl and it made them the weakest links. i'm going to sound like a hypocrite because it pisses me off when people say this about topmew, but i think the series would have been improved without sandray.

that's not me hating on firstkhao!!!! i wish they had shined in their own series, because their talents were wasted in this one and their fanbase overcompensated for it in nasty ways. i have a hard time believing that they would have been so popular if they weren't played by firstkhao.

if the writers had incorporated some elements of ray's character (his crush on mew, bringing up his family life as an excuse for bad behavior, the way that the other characters actually like him for some reason) into boston, it would have made for a better character and the whole series would have come out a lot cleaner. his motives for fucking over top and mew would have been clearer and the tension with nick more complicated - nick could have been the one to expose topboston. the shit with boeing could have still happened, but just with The Bar Singer, and more time could have been spent on it to flesh it out. they didn't need to have the boyfriends, friends with benefits, fuck buddies theme - it would have worked just as well with just boyfriends and friends with benefits. nickboston's relationship went from fuck buddies to friends with benefits in two episodes anyway. and aprilcheum and plugyo could have had more screentime!!!

WOOF! the tenses in this were a mess, sorry. i wanted to include screencaps too, but i didn't want to gather them soz. anyway, this was fun to go through, anon! when i really look at it, the characters who went through the least amount of character development were the ones i hated the most, hmm 🤔 thanks for asking and loving my blog! 🥰

[halucynator]

LUCY HELLOOOOO. your local (tumblr the state) annoying mutual is going to haunt your inbox HI <3

you said your current obsession is hazbin hotel SO. TELL ME ABOUT IT. i had no idea what it is but i just searched it up to get the gist of it and it sounds soooooo cool omg. like who’s your favorite character(s) so far!!!! what’s your favorite episode (if you have one)!! and maybe favorite dynamics and why!!! feel free to rant bestieee <3 I LOVE YOUUU and i hope you’re doing well 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

NADINE HIIII SORRY ABOUT HOW LATE THIS IS OMG ANSJFNENSNF (also btw just so you know you can never be annoying i love getting asks from you <3) THANK YOU SM FOR THIS ASK OMG AKJSDHKASJHF

MAJOR hazbin hotel spoilers under the cut!! also mentions of stabbing and sexual themes because, well, it's hell and this show is literally about killings and its a mature content show lmao reader discretion is advised

the keep reading thing keeps moving what the fuck

hazbin hotel loml <3 djkasddsh im actually so obsessed with it you don't even get it like its crazyyy im brainrotting so hard abt this show lajshdjahsd

my favourite characters are like all of them angel, lucifer, adam, charlie and vaggie. and additional character lute bc she managed to scare adam but as i've said before this changes constantly lmao asjdhasjkdh

as i have also stated before i absolutely do NOT!! condone adams actions hes the antagonist i know and hes definitely not a good character (in fact my reaction was literally vaggies when he got stabbed oh my god akjsdjhkajshf) but HES FUNNY AS FUCK ASKJDJHASKJHFD but i assume he'd be very annoying to hang around lmao much like me <33 (just the annoying part, i havent committed mass genocide as of yet but im also only 19!! IM JOKINGDAJJSDHJKASHD) hes actually so funny and his reaction to stuff makes me laugh so hard. his reactions are so blunt like charlie literally stopping his super duper powerful attack and about to throw him and him just going 'woah what the fuck' or when charlie literally STABS him and he goes 'THE FUCK? THAT HURT' askjdasjghh everytime he was on screen i laughed so hard oh my god 😭 AND HIM GOING 'call me dickmaster' to charlie and charlie being so fed up AHKJSDHKAJSHFSLJJAHDSKJH OH MY GOD 😭 i will cry if he isnt in the next season. yes, hes a shitty character, yes i hate what he did he totally deserved that death btw but hes so fucking funny oh my god 😭

anyways, angel is just soo funny the way he deadpans everything, like something could be so important and he just goes 😐 is just so funny to me 😭 he's literally so funny to me you dont even understand lmao and his jokes alsdkhasfhjkl i saw someone say him and blitzø (from a show by the same creator set in the same place: hell) would be best friends and i totally agree alsdhasjkh also HIM PLAYING WITH THE WINDOW IN THE PILOT LIKE A LITTLE KID AKJSDHKAJSGKASGRFKSB and i feel so bad for him bc of ep 4 </3 i will cry (i did cry) like hes literally getting abused and everything is an act EVEN HIS VOICE?!??? DUDEE

lucifer oh my god eljashdjjhdg he is also so funny 😭 'my daughter wants to see me TAKE THAT DEPRESSION' IM DYING DUDEEE and his little rubber ducks 😭 ajsdhaksjdhah hes painted as such a scary character in the pilot and then you see him and youre like dude 😭 hes so funny 😭 and traumatised 😭and depressed 😭 and cute (not like appearance cute i mean like a cute dad and how he gets so happy when charlie calls him)😭 and actually not a bad dad i wish my dad was like that :(( AND HIM PICKING UP A CALL FROM HIS OWN DAUGHTER, CHARLIE, AND GOING 'HEYYY BITCHHH' ASLDKJHASKJHFAJSHJK AND LUCIFER AND ADAM LITERALLY FIGHTING AND LIKE TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER AND LUCIFER GOING 'well your first wife didnt seem to hate what i had to offer. or the second bowchikawowow' DUDE HES SO ADJKAGKFSAGKHADSGFDSAHF

charliee <333 CHARLIEEE <333 i love charlie so much she's such a lil cutie and im like a little in love with her dudeee 😭 shes the ony character in the world whose random song outbursts i can tolerate kjahdahsd her va is actually so good at voicing her oh my god and her va's singing voice wow i love ittt smmm and charlie randomly insul.ting everyone in the pilot 'ALL YOU CRETINS SLUTS AND LOSERS SEXUAL DEVIANTS AND BOOZERS AND PRESCRIPTION DRUG ABUSERS' DUDE AJSHDAJKSHDF 😭

AND VAGGIEEE!!! shes actually so smart i know like charlie knows better than to make a deal with the devil (or... not? because she does end up making one) but like vaggies is the real reason. because if vaggie wasnt there she wouldve. infact, while her and vaggie werent talking charlie actually does omg 😭 but also just shows how selfless charlie is willing to give up her freedom (ish) for her people i would never dude but anyways!! vaggie!! and the fact that stephanie beatriz voices her oh my god i love her sm her voice is sooo relaxing

AND FINALLY!! LUTE!! her traumatising adam is my favourite thing everrr adam is so fucking batshit so its soo hard to scare him and then lutes there causing adam to do a fucking double take and process it adams literaly reaction 'did you just... woah chill lute what the fuck' and like SAME ADAM SAME ALSDNASJHFJA

favourite episode? probably 6 it has like most of my favourite character (minus lucifer :(() and like angel being used an example omg and him sticking it to the moth man (valentino) OH MY GODD and niffty 😭😭 oh my god niffty shes such a menace and i love her so much my god her literally ripping his fur and then going "FOR MY COLLECTION : ) IS SO FUNNY ASJKDDHKASJHF and sir pentious' anxiety!! 'CHERRI I WOULD LIKE TO BUY YOU A DRINK... BECAUSE IM BUYING EVERYONE A DRINK HERE' AND THEN HIM GOING 'CHERRI WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO THE... SEX WITH ME' and cherri going 'uh why would we have sex' and then pentious going 'BECAUSE IM HAVING SEX WITH EVERYONE HERE' DUDE THAT HAD ME SOBBING 😭 AND EMILY!!! shes a real angel going against all the other ones standing by charlies statement that angel can, in fact, be redeemed and so can any other sinner!! her going out of her way to help charlie willing to fall even!! and they literally look like sisters asdgahsdgjgh emily is sooo charlie as an angel

favourite dynamics!!! im not exactly sure what you mean by that so sorry if i understood it wrong &lt;33

husk and angel. i am a diehard huskerdust shipper sue me. loser baby is literally so cute and theyre literally made for each other idc its literally a extrovert (angel) and introvert ish (husk) relationship much like charlie and vaggies charlie being the extrovert and vaggie being the introvert (sorta) and i just love that so muchh and the way he puts on a show for angel despite saying hes not gonna put on a show for anyone hehe UGHHH I LOVE THEM SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHHH ASLKDKHALSJKFH

lute and adam. while i dont ship them their relationship is literally so funny and probably one of the best ones imo lmao its like toxic batshit person meets toxic batshit person 😭 lute and adam are literally so crazy and LUTES REACTION WHEN ADAM DIES AND THE FIRST TIME SHE SAYS HIS NAME AND THE WAY HE SMILES AT HER AS HES SLOWLY DYING OH MY GOD MY HEARTTT I WILL LITERALLY EXPLODE AJSHFKSAJFFJHHDFFNVNMB AND THEN THEM SINGING TOGETHER IN YOU DIDNT KNOW?? (coincidentally that bit is playing rn while i typed this lmao) theyre literally such a funny duo like best duo or whattttt

charlie and vaggie. thats all. i dont even need to expand. girlfriends <3 i love them together

lucifer and alastor omg. also i do not ship them at all what the fuck ew. (sorry if you do <33 but also not sorry => this isnt specifically aimed at you nadine lol just in case someone else is reading this jjahsjfhaskjh) i just found their dad off so funny 😭 ajkdhsakjdhaksjh theyre so funny actually i cant even with them hells greatest dad is literally such a funny song and llucifer aggresively playing violin as alastor plays the piano 😭

and angel and vaggie?? like i know we dont see a lot of them but they give me sibling vibes aldhksajhajh

charlie and angel bc when she hugs him and apologises ohmy god :(( and her crying when he forgives her like HE FORGAVE MEEEEE!! also sibling dynamic lmao

charlie and emily theyre literally siblings change my mind

i can say so much more but oh my god i need to shut up lmao i wrote a tiny bit too much 😭😭

and charlie with literally anyone shes literally so pure and sweet and cute and i love her and she gets along with literally anyone (maybee apart from adam and lute lajsdhjkashf) i mean to be fair her and adams dynamic is so funny 😭 adam is literally like 'call me dickmaster' traumatising this innocent (ish) child and then her being so fed up ajsdhakjshdkfjash

PENTIOUS AND CHERRY. AHDJDNSNZBFNR. THATS ALL. I THINK THE REASON EP 6 IS MY FAVOURITE IS BC OF THEIR INTERACTIONS AJDNDNNSNC

thank you SO much for this askk <33 i love youuuu <33 and i hope your day is going amazing!!

[seiya234]

cl--d--

thank you @marypsue for the help at the end ;)

----

“Soooo-”

Admittedly, the two of them were in their cups. But Lucy Ann still shot Dipper the biggest stank eye she could over the rim of her wine glass.

“Are you seriously going to ask me what I think you’re about to ask me?”

Dipper, who for a demon had some tells you could see a mile off, did a very bad job lying. “Uh, what do you mean?”

“Of course you waited for Hank to die first, Hank would have given you a disappointed face if he was around-”

“ l̨̥̜̜u̬̫͓̖̻̘̝c̪͠y̧ ̶a̺ ͏̙̹n̗͙̼̳͈̞͚ ̡̼̠͍ǹ̳͙̯̦̘̣ “

She just looked at him until he conceded her point.

Non-verbal communication was fun. But now it was hanging out there, so she just sighed and said, “Go ahead and ask, I know you’re dying to.”

“Okay so you’ve read-”

“Yes, but I liked the show better.”

“-and you know there’s a character-”

“Yes. Yes I know.”

Dipper put his chin in his hands and said, “Soooooo...”

Lucy Ann drained her glass because fuck she was going to need it. “So what Dipper? Use your words I know you’re smart.”

“Have you ever... I mean, have you ever felt, um-?” Suddenly Dipper was blushing, and Lucy Ann, who could smell metaphorical weakness, jumped.

“Kissed? Made out?”

“Hey-”

“Felt carnal urges that could not be sated because of my small body?”

“I uh-”

“Have I ever fucked?”

“ L̺͖̠̘u̢c̷̗͇͚̰̣y̵̺̙ ̵̗̫Ạ͕̲̪̹̙̟͞n̷͇̰̟̤n͎̳!̻̬̦̼̱”

She just stared at him. Dipper had the good grace to look away, ashamed.

Lucy Ann let him dangle there for a minute because he should be ashamed of the way he treated such a serious subject, before cutting him some slack because hell, who wouldn’t be curious.

“Look Dipper, I’m fine. With all of that.”

“Really?”

“I mean dude. I’m five. My body is five. And yes my mind, my soul are thousands of years old, but my body is still five. I never went through puberty; a lot of those systems never came online. Hell, technically I still have my baby teeth.”

“Wow. That’s...” Dipper paled. “Lucy Ann that is awful.”

She shrugged. “It is. And not going to lie, I’m really glad we aren’t having this conversation when I was like, two hundred. That was a super angsty time with me. But I mainly have more trouble with a society that treats children as chattel and lack of access than sex.”

She tapped her glass and Dipper refilled it. “I mean seriously, way more important things for me to worry about than that shit.”

Lucy Ann leaned back in her chair. “That being said, I’ve still not forgiven that woman for writing that book because like, no one asked me about that kind of thing.” She paused. “Okay, long life, it came up a few times, but not that often until her.”

“So what did you do?” Dipper refilled his own glass with wine. “I know you.”

Lucy Ann grinned.

“I snuck into her house, bit her on the wrist, and told her my life story.”

“So like-”

“I even dropped the title, I was so proud.”

“Okay but that seems like she would have been really into that.”

“Oh dude I waited until it had been like, several years and she was hosting parties with the people who thought they were vampires at her house. And then I looked her dead in the eye and told her no one would believe her, and left her crying.”

“Dude.” 

“Also I left Amazon reviews on every one of her books and pointed out ever inaccuracy.”

“Even the Jesus one?”

Lucy Ann waggled her eyebrows. “I am older than Jesus my friend.”

“Did you-”

“I’ll never tell you.”

Dipper burst out laughing then, and so did she a second later. Once it died down, Dipper became solemn.

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”

“My feelings aren’t hurt per se. I just wish you had treated me and what you know must be a sensitive subject with a little more respect.”

Because Dipper had actually apologized, she did not add, “I’m concerned your manners and sense of what is and is not socially appropriate is fading now that the kids are dead. I’m worried about you and so are Hank’s grandkids and great-grands. Also you need to call them more.”

But that was a lot and the mood in the room was becoming lighter, also not her circus not her monkeys, so Lucy Ann let it go, and moved the conversation on.

“Do you know she responded to everyone of my reviews?”

“ Ņ̻̭͔̗̙ ͙̖̯̲̠͟o҉̶̢͓͕̤̱ ̶̼̥̳͚̬̘ “

[silverstonesainz]

frat!max is such a cutie and i know he’s a softie at heart and the better choice but i’d let frat!carlos hurt me over and over again😔🤚🏼 that’s my toxic king bc i know that final push to be together would be delicious. the months of tension and longing building up to that final explosion of feelings and yearning

i would also let frat!carlos ruin me. there's something so exhilarating about the push and pull of it all which i think is soooooo toxic of me to say but its the truth. i love the fighting, the breaking up and getting back together, and doing it all over again. it keeps things interesting.

but dude yes!!! the grand finale. the part where carlos fucking checks his pride and ego and finally accepts that he's actually so down bad for her and wants something more than he's been allowing either of them to have. fuck!!!!!

[blackbird-brewster]

I DIDN'T KNOW YAZ/THIRTEEN WE'RE CANON. OH GOD. MY HEART.

The parallels between Ten & Thirteen throughout The Power of the Doctor??? MY HEART.

Fuck dude. That hurt as bad as Ten. Thirteen was wickedly brilliant. Jodie was the perfect person to be the first female Doctor. Thirteen is absolutely tied with Ten on my faves now.

YAZ COULD FLY THE TARDIS?!!?! JUST LIKE RIVER. I CRIED.

"If I were to spend it with someone, I'd want it to be you" 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Yaz carrying Thirteen made me actually stop breathing 🥵🥵🥵

There were soooooo many lines and glances and just god. Jodie and Mandip had incredible chemistry and they really left everything in their performances.

Ouch. God. Pain. Wow.

[crystallllines]

omg my joints hurt soooooo fucking bad dude wtf wtf help

[necromycologist]

rating 'fantasies' songs by their tlt vibes

recently i got really into this album and ive been listening to it nonstop and i got the urge to make this post so behold.

Help I'm Alive

we open with a BANGER. the whole heart motif beauty of existence thing is very tlt in general but "if we're still alive my regrets are few/if my life is mine what shouldnt i do" feels like it could be ntn cam+pal perhaps. 6/10 for general vibes not really going anywhere specific tho.

Sick Muse

i could see this as a convo between gideon and harrow. "pull your little arrows out an let me live my life" she WOULD say that about love... ily harrowhark necro'mancer nonagesimus lyctorway keep sticking your middle finger up at preps. but the main event is "all the blondes are fantasies/we looked at them eleven ways/you said look at me then looked away" like i dont even need to explain this one. YOU SAID LOOK AT ME THEN LOOKED AWAY the orpheus and eurydice the betrayal the hurt why wont you eat me please please consume me why are you saving me sorry one sec. ill shut up about greek myths now. 7.5/10 that one lyric saved it for me

Satellite Mind

this song is so strange and offputting it has to be about our favourite little bone nun <3 its givin htn harrow "i can feel you most when im alone" um the body the body the body "flashback of a feeling/sixth sense of a calling" its the love! that they couldnt take away!! 6/10 because i think that the dreamy freaky what the fuck is happening are suuuuper htn however the actual lyrics arent super close

Gold Guns Girls

i want this song to be about ianthe tridentarius soooooo bad... i want it to be about our favourite perpetually thirdweeling failgirl so much... like ive never wanted anything else ever oh my GOD... "i remember when you were gambling to win/everybody else said better luck next time" underestimated at canaan house anyone? anyone at all? no takers?? no??? 3/10 because despite my deepest wishes this is just a good song thats not about gay catholic homestuck 😔

Gimme Sympathy

slightly ironic gtn griddlehawk at its finest. "get hot/get too close to the flames" oops! now ur her cavalier "wild open space" gideon-gettin-shocked-by-days-on-earth-emotional.png "talk like an open book" not with that vow of silence. idiot. "sign me up!" shes not signed up haha "ill remember someday all the chances we took" not after the lobotomy u wont lol "we're so close to something better left unknown" cough cough LYCTORHOOD. 9/10 manifesting kiriona giving harrow sympathy after all of this is gone in alecto

Collect Call

hiii ntn fans i prommy i didn’t forget abt u! this one goes out to the psychosexual mess of role playing and bad meals enjoyers <3 "i know it's a lie i want it to be true/the rest of the rot is riding on you" oh boy like i said psychosexual mess... pyrra dve my beloved "wishing you could KEEP! ME! CLOSER! IM A LAZY! DANCER! WHEN YOU MOVE! I! MOVE WITH YOUOOOOOOOOO" oh lord nona placing her hand on cam's shoulder like palamedes would. oh lord being so close in one body and yet a second apart. 8/10 should be higher but i started Having Feelings about nona's death again and couldnt finish listening to the song

Front Row

this is a john song if I’ve ever heard one. “burnt out stars they shine so bright… all of us” is def. giving lyctor vibes. (just children playing with reflections thinking they were stars grauauauagh etc etc) plus plus “he’s not perfect/he’s a victim/of his occupation/social insulation/secret intervention” like fuck dude he really is!!! pilot that president around ordinary dude fuck the world up with your good intentions!!! 10/10 this song is the brainrot undying the kindly prince of my lyctor brainrot

Blindness

besties ngl i am INCREDIBLY torn on this one,,, on one hand “what it is and where it stops nobody knows/you gave me a life i never chose/i wanna leave but the world wont let me go” goes crazy hard. like harrowhark ‘cursed to keep living’ nonagesimus? hello is that u? on the other hand the whole opening sequence of this is very blood of eden coded… 5/10 this song has a very Character Energy about it but i think i must accept that that character is probably not a tlt one

Stadium Love

ohohohoo! here she comes!! this song IS about canaan house like the whole thing n nothing will convince me otherwise. "wanna make a deal/angel versus eel" hm im getting gideighth betrayal vibes from this "rabbit versus dove" WHAT DID I SAY colum get back here your government assigned fursona is in the song "owl versus dove" uuuuuh this can be about the sixth being cool basically whenever because sixth -> wisdom -> athena -> owl. idc that they live on mercury fuck off. the blorbos may be smart but i dont have to be. btw camilla hect if you read this im free on thursday night and would like to hang out plz respond and then hang out with me on thursday night when im free. u can bring your necromancer too if yw. "every living thing pushed into the ring" duel time every (necro)man(cer) for himself "guess you thought you could just watch" go on enforce that cohort order judith! it wont backfire at all haha! "NO. ONES. GETTING. OUT" well. uh. none of them are. plus cant you just see the Character Portrait Flashes AMV Moments to the wooowooos?? cant you??? "without STADIUM LOVE" the last time they say this w the beat drop it should be gidedeath cytherea duel epic timez and then the echoing "love love" at the end is harrow waking up and mouthing The Three Syllables TM. 11/10 somebody lend me their animation skills please i would be sooo epic and responsible with them i have a Vison...

in conclusion thx for listening to my deranged ramblings (if anyone actually does.) please go listen to fantasies its so so good... message me and we can brainrot thru it together xoxo

[its-inevitable-lupe]

you know something u never get use to. Or maybe because how extremely attach i was with this certain person for more than a thousand days. Every day and night was all you thought of that it truly consumed you and it’s like you could not do anything without her asking and saying and just too much Into.. and it was unhealthy for sure because it took me a whole solid year to really detach myself to not have the need of someone there.. and I would get the most horrible anxiety of it.. like painful… when she wasn’t near me and I was the only one who was distant and never asked too much of her or call all the time.. I needed her to always be behind me but at the same time it was horrible because I felt so suffocated that she never in her life would let go of me… she always…. Always…. Always… always.. always.. always went after me.. always. In fights.. in moments with situations.. she just knew.. it’s like she prefer death than to ever see me go. As much as I love that girl.. it was just a self dependable obsession that I wish we just would stop. We were on a thread but damn it was made of steel because no way were we ever breaking whatever we had. The thing about me is I knew my boundaries and have always had them even if I wanted… I don’t think the pain we caused towards each other. I literally forget almost half of it or maybe it’s just like my traumas I have, I act like nothing really happen and that’s how I forget and lose my memory more. There is this fucking thing that will always hold to trauma and I always push it aside… cause I don’t like feeling the hurt in me. Every time i talk to someone.. I somewhat try to do the things I did with her WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING. Or when some person like now messages so fast… all the time and doesn’t let me finish anything I say with text and I get so damn annoyed because let meeee talk…. I’m so not use to it… I feel it has completely ruin how I act.. and then the need of wanting to be alone. The asking… the being behind me.. I don’t like when others do it. I take my time… when this person messages me a lot and at work and when I get home I get sooo upset ??? I get so triggered ??? I don’t know if lately it just shows of how absolutely garbage I am with people????? Because I’m the past I just never knew the harm or I was too blinded by my personal issues?? But now I see myself too clearly… and then this girl is making plans and things and our next times… and you think I feel fucking amazing forcing myself to move forward????? Literally that same damn week of our last messages I met someone else… and I did so much fast…. It has never been hard for me ever.. but girl… you would think if all the people who were with us or relationships or flings we had and they read our things they would feel ok????? No. Never. I’m better but gosh… if I knew this would happen then would we runaway faster away because dude.. even if I’m in love with someone.. or kiss.. or really like because I have… and stay the night… I just…… my mind, my eyes looks the other way for a minute. And I write this as this girl is texting and texting and you can tell how she’s soooooo into me and wants to see again… so yes movies are what happens in life. So while I lowkey judge you’ll lolllll d you for what you did to those girls even if you excuse you didn’t, I did the same thing but without putting labels and maybe that was myyyy excuse to not make me sound as bad. Time passes and some people just never forget their “first love” you’re mine because first are the ones that matter the absolute world. So I hope for a good ending away from chaos and free you know? u were my only exception. I But hey maybe one day I will love someone more than anything and not think of you or confuse or ruin.. because the feelings I have had.. I feel I use to cover my hurts… and it’s superficial and honeymoon phases. My writing is once a week to less now. Therapy chats.

[nunesbytko]

Dahmer - Monster -The Jeff Dahmer Story Netflix Review!

Dahmer netflix series review

Episode one

------------------------------------------------------------------

Glenda is trying to watching TV at night and there is sawing. She walks to the vent. On the other side of the vent is Dahmer cleaning up. Dahmer smoked and constantly drank. His health must have been trash.

  Four locks on the door. You would think okay, bad area....

Glenda confronts Jeff. About the smell and he's blaming it on bad meat, but she's knows hes bullshitting. When he turns back to her, hes' soooo weird it's unnerving. And Glenda is so uneasy.

  All those "missing"  black men, on the lampost. 

  He's getting roasted by these guys at an near empty club.

  How are these hot men going home with this? He's sooooo creepy!

  Jeff trying to dance in this club! Okay, this is why he comes here drunk! Oh, I'm cringing for him. I think that part of the appeal going in the POC clubs is that he's seen as the blonde prize because he's white.

  Jeff trying to charm Tracy. The friend with the cap looks concerned.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------  

So Tracy knows this place stinks to high hell and still goes in.....GET OUT TRACY!!!!"

  Imagine that smell and he doesn't open the windows. Jeff looks greasy....

.

Stuff is floating in the drink and he still drinks it.

  Show you around??? This apartment is the size of a shoebox. God what is Jeff going to do with the fish talk??? Handcuffs, now the knife,

  Stop yelling, I've got neighbours" Oh soooooo now you care about the neighbours Jeff??? This is terrifying. Pointing a knife at someone while them to relax.

  Get the fuck out of there Tracy!!!!

Oh shit Tracy is coming on to him to distract him. I think I just would have talked nonsense. Tracy's a waaaay better flirt then me.

  Oh god this scene is making my stomach churn!

  Shit he's not fooled, he's grabbing the knife!!!!

This is like watching a horror film I wasnt expecting this!

Just throw your shirt on his face and run Tracy!!!

Thank god Jeff is a sucker for ass with rhythm. God he's getting closer.

  No Tracy don't talk about Nudes!!!

Jeff looks completely out of it, is he on drugs as well???

You never know what Jeff is thinking. He is soooooo blank.

  "Am I weird?" / Tracy should have said "No honey, you're psychotic and KAPOWED him in the face!

I wonder why Evan didn't wear contacts for this role [Jeff's eyes were blue]

Imagine someone getting turned on by hearing your heart beat, then telling you that they will rip your heart out.

  Finally Tracy gets the hell out of there, and Jeff knows it' over. Maybe Glenda does too.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  I'm worried about Tracy's safety with the police.  They might hurt him too. Immediately they put their hands on their guns, and Tracy does NOT  have a weapon.

  Jeff trying to scare the cops away with gay stuff. "Homo kink guys, nothing to see here!"

  Can the cops, smell how bad it is? Are are they ignoring it because a blonde dude answers the door??

  Those poor tenants. I hope they don't arrest Glenda.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------  

Shit Lionel and Sherri, his parents. His poor dad has nooooo clue about this fuckery.

  Murder, Jeff?? Yes Lionel.

  He was always weirdo Lionel, you can say it.

  Don't apologise,

  Cop, "You're aware that your son is homosexual, yes?"

Lionel -

Eating the flesh, I'm sorry you had to hear that Lionel, why do they need to keep talking?

 As a parent how do you process that??

Oh Glenda! She knew he was fucked up!!!!! Like she reports Jeff for months and no one gave a shit. Now the sickos been arrested the police are just tossing them out onto the street! Can the police accommodate them all. They would with white families, I'm just saying.

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Great first Episode.

  Very horror movie like,

  I would have liked to see Evan with blue contacts though.

  The cinematography and acting was freaking amazing!

[rhaaclaws]

HI rhaast ^_^ throws these numbers at you 9, 25, 30, AND 56 :]

9. Fave fight?

KC AND METALLICA MY BEST FRIENDDDDDD listen its gross but thats one of the things I love about it. like the bullshittery and the thought process from each fighter AND MY FRIEND KCCC WOOOOO its so good I rewatch it so fucking often [and then cry at ep28 to humble myself] Another one of my fav fights is Bites The Dusts and Made In Heaven because these two terrify me sooo much like THE HORRORS. BTD with how I was constantly worried shaking and crying over who was gonna die [and listen. you didn't hear it from me but when I thought rohan was gonna die I was CRYINGGGGG like tears down my face it was kind of gross] and MIH is just auauhghghghgh the HORRRORSSSSSSSS like what the fuck.... it did everything it had to do RIGHT but it hurt so fucking much and that damn ending. makes me want to explode anyways teehe "you daughter is your weakness" Dies

25. Stand ability you think wasn’t used well enough in the series?

Sorry for focusing so much on diu and va I'm just silly BUT. Love Deluxe, Purpy haze and Spice girl. first off ik this is more of just the character instead of stand but shhhhh Yukako could've bodied fucking everyone in that damn cast she'd get kira in one hit as she should! PURPY HAZEEE this is obvious but Please pelsepolease I need to see him again I'm so devastated WITH THAT COOL ASS THEME TOO..... BRUH... anwyays Spice Girl my best friend he could've also done it all but noooo. Whatevers.

30. Rank your order: Jojo main villains

ok im exceptionally bad at ranking things BUT I have two lists, villains I Like and how much they scare me. In terms of who I like

Diavolo [toxic slutch privileges]

Dio [sorry hes just such a bad bitch]

Kars [she's my best friend, not really a villain but deserves to be on here]

Pucci [Many thoughts but I trust my friends like Quintus to do him justice, pucci is funny though but please go to therapy instead of projecting]

The bitch who shall not be named

I JUSTS RELAIZESXD IO FORGOT KIRA. I PROMISE ITS NOT ON PURPOSE I WAS JUST LIKE HMMM WHO AM I MISSING FROM HERE BUT PKFSDFKJHGSDFLKGJSFGJKHSFG IM SORRY I DONT SEE HIM AS A CHARCATER HES LIKE. AN ENTITY BUT NOT IN A FUNNY KARS WAY HE ONLY SCARES ME I DONT CARE ABT HIS CHARACTER anyways these r the ones that scare me [With Kira]

Kira [i think hes the best jojo villain in terms of playing his role and bringing that awful unsettling feeling that shit is WRONG]

I'm gonna be honest everyone else is under here in near the same level because I'm only really scared by kira. pucci isn't scary for me bc i was raised around Catholics, whats he gonna do? preach to me? kars is my friend and everyone else id have no way of meeting bc I'm in Mexico yall stay safe though 🙏

56. Any headcanons?

LITERALLY SOOOOOO MANYYYYYYY im only gonna mention some that im obsessed with rn bc its so much dude I have a google docs just for the main p5 cast and its like. 4 pages long

anywaysssss

Akira and Yukako are siblings its true to me it happened and its real like they're SOOO SIBLINGS. they are going to the powerlines and throwing bricks at it and causing electrical damages I could talk about them for hours

I RLLY LIKE THE ONE where the reason Jolyne can turn her midriff into a Mobius strip for the strings is that Jotaro was so traumatized from seeing Kakyoin having a hole in his stomach he passed that trauma onto her and it was a form of protection so she'd never have to go through that again. there's this one post from a couple years ago that says this beautifully but i don't think i can find it

anyways. funny one next: Tiziano almost exclusively uses toxic paints because "theyre the best quality" best friend that's mercury you're snorting

Fugo cut those holes as a way to 'stay clean' from self harm and as a reminder that he's not touched. victim to victim communication

ALSO i rlly like that idea that stands will manifest if the user is experiencing strong emotions [ex Giorno gets super excited and starts growing flowers around]

another stand based one is that when you get your stand they change something physical abt you [like Yukako's hair got wayyy long and thicker bc of Love Deluxe, Diavolo's eyes turned into that shattered green bc of King Crimson, shit like that]

Abbacchio had one hell of a gender adventure. the 'well I'm fascinated by femininity but I'm not a girl' to 'well i like being called a girl but by strangers by presumption' to 'Wait.'

I was talking abt this to Raph earlier but Reimi likes to scare ppl in the alley like that scene in Beetlejuice with the fucked up faces

She tried it on Yukako and she was like. Holy shit can you do that again?

This is bc Yukako is a horror fan through and through. her gay awakening and first movie crush was the girl from the ring SOBS

Also I see Yukako as a lesbian because her arc literally reminds me so much of comphet and the fucking lengths I've gone to be like 'wellll i Have to like men'

This is stolen from a rlly good fic but Akira was struck by lightning as a kid

Fugo is a fucking HATER. this is just canon but whatevs

I think its be fun for Mista to experiment with the Genderisms through drag

Trish and her punk album can be something so personal

Ok tahts rlly long but im always willing to give hcs on fucking. Anything bc my brain is so fat and juicy with intelligence 24/7 its so hard ANYWAYS THIS WAS FUN

[peach-pops]

Hi I just saw the Ukai request thing and I was wondering if I could get some head cannons of anyone on the team, falling hard for ukais daughter or niece

This was so fun to write! I never actually imply this in the request but the reader is adopted cause it’s more inclusive that way! I chose Daichi and Tanaka cause they seem like they would have Ukai react way differently!

Daichi & Tanaka Going Out With Ukai’s Daughter HC

➣Daichi

Okay so Daichi, being the captain and all, if there’s one thing he is really good at, it is respecting authority and understanding the chain of command

He’s worked from being a mere first-year peasant to being the daddy captain we all know and love

That’s why when he starts to catch feelings for Ukai’s daughter, he does his best to never step over the line because he doesn’t want to disrespect his family in any way 

It all started when you would show up to practice since Ukai didn’t want you alone at home but he gave everyone the speech to keep their eyes off of his kid

He made it a point to point out that you were his only child, his only daughter and that he would crack skulls without hesitation if any of the boys made you uncomfortable 

And yes, He looked at Tanaka and Noya the whole time because I swear they’ll simp for anything with two legs and a heartbeat 

Daichi doesn’t catch feelings for you right away though. He acknowledges that you’re pretty but it isn’t until you two slowly started to get to know each other more and more when Daichi realizes how hard he is falling for you

He’s sometimes a bit scared to make a move during volleyball practice since your dad is always like two feet away but you two share a class so you can bet your ass that he’s always sitting next to you and making up any excuse to talk to you

The two of you aren’t even dating but he is already so whipped for you 

Exhibit A

One day before practice, you complained that you had broken your headphones so without even asking you, he rushed to his house to get his pair and came back all sweaty and red, handing them over to you 

Exhibit B

Your favorite drink was stuck in the vending machine and you couldn’t shake it hard enough to make it drop but Daichi went over and bought four drinks so that way it could knock yours over 

Like you’re telling me that isn’t the cutest shit ever? Are my standards just low? ANYWAYS 

You eventually catch feelings for him cause duh look at him he’s perfect but you know that if it were to get more serious, Daichi would have to talk to your dad 

You knew you couldn’t go behind your dad’s back so telling him was the best and only option 

The whole time during practice, Daichi was nervous as hell. He really liked you but he also really respected his coach so he wasn’t even sure exactly how to go about it 

But when you gave his hand a light squeeze, it gave him a big boost of confidence cause screw it, you were worth it

So Daichi sucks it up and the two of you go up to Coach Ukai and he is such a confident and respectful dude he doesn’t even stutter

“ Coach Ukai, I want you to be the first to know that I have feelings for your daughter and she feels the same way about me. I know you’re protective of her but I would never do anything to hurt her, I can promise you that. If it’s okay with you, I’m planning to take her on a date this weekend if you would let me.”

“ Nope.” Ukai said simply as you whined and gave your dad the biggest puppy dog eyes

“  DAD!” You scolded as Ukai rolled his eyes,” Come on, wouldn’t you rather me date  the captain of a team that you can always keep an eye on than I don’t know, some asshole from a different team?”

“ Why does he have to be in volleyball in the first place? Better yet, why do you even need to date a boy? Are you trying to kill me?” Your dad asked as he looked between the two of you 

Ukai did realize deep down that Daichi was arguably the best option you had-He rather you be with Daichi than anyone else around your age group.

A part of Ukai knew that while he loved to see Daichi squirm, he really was a good guy and he just liked giving him a hard time 

“ Fine, have her home by ten.”

“ What about ten-thirty?” You asked as Daichi squeezed your hand and shook his head

“ No it’s okay, ten works just fine,” Daichi smiled back as Ukai couldn’t help but smirk because yep, you picked a good one 

Fast forward to your date and Daichi is outside your house dressed SO NICELY boy has a hot ass button up and everything 

And duh he has flowers for you he’s so cute I’m simping yall 

Obviously, Ukai opens the door and just shakes his head when he sees Daichi all nervous

“ No touching, I mean it kid. There has to be at least three feet between the two of you at all times and remember, if you ever hurt her I will personally bring a bat over to your house and-” 

“ Oh my god please stop, we’ll see you later!” You slip past your dad and grab Daichi’s arm to pull him down the driveway

“  I SAID NO TOUCHING!” 

➣Tanaka

Okay so you know how I said that Coach Ukai wouldn’t be too opposed with you going out with Daichi? Yeahhhh Tanaka is definitely one of the guys he much rather you not go out with at all

I honestly think Ukai sees so much of his younger self in Tanaka and that freaks him out

ANYWAY Lets go to the beginning tho

Tanaka first knows that he is crushing hard on you when he said the stupidest joke in class and of course, you were the only one to laugh cause lets be real, your sense of humor is pretty shit thanks to the internet 

And tanaka is like “ mhm yes I’ll marry you now” cause bruh no one laughs at my mans jokes he is SLEPT ON 

You two start hanging out and pretty quickly, you both are crushing extra hard on each other. It’s only been maybe like a week or two and you two are so uwu with each other it’s insane

One day before practice, you give him a quick kiss outside of the gym but Tanaka is a certified Clingy Boy™ so he pulls you back in for another one that’s much longer 

“ WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!” 

You both whip your heads around to find Coach Ukai with literal smoke coming out of his ears as he is glaring so hard at Tanaka 

Tanaka’s headass is like “oh im probably getting yelled at for PDA or maybe I lost track of time and I’m late to practice” but oh boy is he wrong

Idk if you guys collectively share one braincell or whatever but it just clicks now for you that “ oh shit, we are so fucked” 

“ Dad, I can explain-”

Tanaka doesn’t even hear the rest of the conversation like his brain shuts down when he hears you say the word Dad 

And he’s thinking in his head that maybe you just call coaches dad for some weird reason but no, Ukai is actually your dad

There’s so much yelling that the rest of the Karasuno members are outside of the gym doors listening in on the conversation because they’re nosey as hell 

Noya is definitely conflicted because heck yes, his boy is dating a female but he also wants to laugh because of course, Tanaka is having bad luck 

Suga thinks it is HILARIOUS 

But anyway

After a whole bunch of yelling, Ukai just says screw it and starts practice and you promise that you’ll talk to him at home but he makes you stay in the gym so he can take you straight home after

BRUH during the whole practice Tanaka does soooooo bad like hes nervous and he feels so guilty

Obviously, if he knew about your dad he would’ve planned it out much better and even ask for his blessing but it was too late to be worrying about what he could’ve done 

“  Don’t be hard on him please. I swear, it didn’t even click that you were his coach and I didn’t want to go behind your back like that,” You said as your dad sat down next to you on the bench as the boys did drills,” but you overreacted. You know he’s sensitive and he’s going to keep beating himself up about it.” 

“ How do you think I feel seeing my daughter kiss a boy? Why can’t you wait until you’re thirty to have a boyfriend? ” Ukai knew you were at the age where he couldn’t keep you away from boys but he was just so protective 

You were his only kid but because you were his daughter, it only complicated things

I already know Ukai raised such a big daddy’s girl (not in a weird way yall) and while he knows he raised you to be super strong, he just wants to protect you from heartache

“ I really like him and he makes me happy and I promise, we won’t even interact with each other if we are around you if it makes you uncomfortable.”

That wasn’t the most comforting thought to Ukai but he knew he was wrapped around your finger and that he would eventually cave in

It took some time for him to get used to the two of you being together. You two never went on any dates at first because Tanaka wanted to ease your dad into the idea of you two being together

But it wasn’t until Ukai saw how protective Tanaka was whenever you would come along to tournaments that Ukai started to feel better at the idea 

Like Tanaka would go FERAL if a guy even looked at you the wrong way and Ukai was secretly like “ yeah you tell em!” 

It was actually comforting to Ukai that you were dating someone who would literally lay their life on the line for you at any given moment because as your dad, he would do the same

So after a few weeks, it was actually Ukai who went up to Tanaka to talk about the two of you going on dates

“ You have my blessing but just know, if you even look at my daughter the wrong way, I will kill you, no questions asked.” 

Tanaka was actually relieved because to him, that was such an easy request. He couldn’t even imagine hurting you or ever making you upset so he was already thinking of date ideas once Ukai finished his sentence

“ Should I start calling you dad now?”

“ Don’t push it.”  

[deadlock]

(Hope it's ok to send more than one, u don't have to do all of them if you dont want to)

Megatron, Hot Rod, Starscream, Blackarachnia, Wheeljack

I did Rodimus, so I’ll skip Hot Rod just to make things easier, but I’ll do the others

Megatron

First impression

“Hehehe he’s such a dumb villain I love him”

Impression now

“Sir I love like every version of you *turns to tfp megs and beats the shit out of him because I hate him with a passion* almost every version of you”

Favorite moment

God,,, there are so many scenes in g1 that I love. He’s just so ridiculous. Dumbass (affectionate)

Idea for a story

Hmm,,, just,,, g1 megop where he ends up stupidly admitting to being attracted to op like a dumbass and then immediately calls for a retreat because he’s so embarrassed.

Unpopular opinion

Prime is the worst version of him. Yes, even worse than bayverse.

Favorite relationship

Soundwave. In almost every continuity that dude is the only thing standing between the decepticons and complete and total collapse.

Favorite headcanon

Tfa megs used to know tfa um back in the day and they had,,, feelings for one another. Not saying what kind but there was feelings.

Starscream

First impression

“Wow, he’s very screechy, I love him”

Impression now

“Sir I’m so sorry that you are treated Like That™️ by the fandom. I love you.”

Favorite moment

In the bay comics where Megatron is trying to help save him from a monster pre war and he’s just like “fuck you I’ve got this” as he’s literally being held by the monster

Idea for a story

G1 no war au where he goes to seek out Skyfire on his own and they get to have a lovely reunion and they’re in love and,,, 🥺

Unpopular opinion

Bay Starscream is good you guys are just mean

Also I can’t believe this is unpopular somehow but so many of y’all ship him with women like,,, just say you don’t respect characters who are clearly depicted as gay and go

Favorite relationship

Hmm,,, in armada I love the friendship he had with Alexis. It was like a big brother little sister thing and I’m so mad that they threw out his character arc for the rest of the trilogy.

Favorite headcanon

OH YOU KNOW HES NONBINARY

Also, I saw someone say he was autistic, including a scene from an older comic where he straight up says he’s having a sensory overload soooooo,,, autism

Blackarachnia

First impression

(Please note I was literally 8 when I first saw any incarnation of her) “she’s weird”

Impression now

“Ma’am I love you so much you have no idea”

Favorite moment

Okay, I’m tfa when they have that scene at the end of her introduction episode where she’s crying alone,,, it hurts but it’s a great scene that immediately shows you a lot about her character

Idea for a story

Just,,, a fic where tfa BA gets accepted by people,,, maybe one where she begrudgingly joins team prime just because she wants to be a menace to the cons for treating her like shit

Unpopular opinion

I think she and op wouldn’t ever work out in tfa.

Favorite relationship

Her, Op, & Sentinel. It’s just so interesting how they all fell so far apart because of one bad decision.

Favorite headcanon

She’s a trans woman

Wheeljack

First impression

(I have to be honest, the first time I ever actually remember having any reaction to him was the bay movies) “God he’s so ugly”

Impression now

“Sir bay did you dirty and I love you”

Favorite moment

Any interaction between him and the dinobots in g1. Those are his sons,,,

Idea for a story

Just a nice fic about him having a good day with the dinobots

Unpopular opinion

I don’t really like him and Starscream shipped romantically, but that’s because I’ve had an encounter with someone who was super weird about the ship and it turned me off from it

Favorite relationship

One of the only things I liked about prime was Wheeljack and Bulkhead’s relationship. They were married, change my mind.

Favorite headcanon

Once again, autistic and gay