#it is the simple fact that i enjoy creating one type of character and one type only

[briebo-is-a-dragon]

putting this on my sideblog as i'd feel like a hack if the only art i put on my main blog after like. a month is a bust. but anyhow-

new trans pathfinder character just dropped >:)

all my Focus Points have been on back-to-back assignments and exams these past few weeks, hence no art, but ive been playing a little bit of the Pathfinder: Kingmaker DLC in-between study, and i made a trans blue tiefling alchemist for it who i fell just a little bit in love with. here's a quick portrait of her (all i have time for atm), ill likely make a fullbody later

love the idea of a woman who learned alchemy to make magic hrt because "Fuck me if im paying the market rate" and then instantly moved onto making bombs and joined a mercenary group. queen shit, honestly

timelapse and inks under the cut <3

(ok so funnily enough i accidentally flipped my canvas at like, the beginning of the drawing without realizing it, hence why the entire thing is flipped up until the very end lmfao)

and the inks, as promised, because i need to show the effort i put into those curls

ta, thats all

[drchucktingle]

Something I’ve been curious about if it wouldn’t break the bit: are you one buckaroo or several sharing a name and persona?

greetings bud thank you for asking FIRST OF ALL want to say to you or anyone reading this post that i am not upset over this question and i am not upset with you. you have kindness in your trot and i know you are just asking to prove love in your own way. buds reading this please do not harass this person in fact maybe give them a follow or a like, they are trying their best.

OKAY NOW THAT IS OUT OF THE WAY i will talk on my feelings of this with simple statement:

this is not a bit.

i understand it can be difficult to accept this for some, especially in world where absurdity and cynical humor is so popular, but i am very sincere. even though i make jokerman jokes sometimes, even in my writing, tinglers are not supposed to be funny as a concept. if you laugh at them that is TOTALLY OKAY i understand this way when confronted with something out of the box but that is not the point of them at all. the point is that LOVE IS REAL for everyone (there are other points but that is a broad one)

now on to why i trot my trot in this way. first off is to protect my privacy this is simple enough. when i talk on son jon or sweet barbara or any other way i am adding a layer of secrets by changing names or relations or towns but that is just a fancy outfit for the real truth. i am NOT creating a character, i am protecting myself.

second and more important is that when i TALK IN MY UNIQUE WAY i am expressing myself without masking, which is something old chuck does every single day out there in the world as someone on the autism spectrum. i am VERY GOOD AT MASKING you would probably not know chuck was autistic when talking to me unless you were a close bud. but unfortunately this masking way creates very real tension in my body. i have trotted with CHRONIC PAIN for most of my life heading to emergency rooms where kind and handsome t-rex doctors could not figure out what the heck was goin on. basically LIVED in the dang emergency room. eventually chuck learned i carried my body TOO TIGHT from masking all the time, but what i realized is that allowing myself a space to type freely without way of punctuation or other restrictions and LETTING MY HEART SING to just be myself without masking made this tension release. pain started going away. GRAND IRONY of course is that when im trotting as chuck i wear a pink mask to take off my OTHER MASK of a neurotypical bud.

that is why i protect my way of speaking freely as well. if someone says 'well you need to talk like this right now' i stand tall and say NO BUD THIS IS MY SPACE AND I WILL EXPRESS MYSELF IN THIS WAY AND YOU AN TROT ON IF YOU WANT. this is firm boundary for me and my health.

anyway buckaroo to sum that up again: yes i am one person and this is not a bit

if you want to know more about my way on the autism spectrum i wrote a tingler about how it feels to have others say you are 'playing a character' and not actually neurodivergent. i think tumblr buds might enjoy so i will add it down here LOVE IS REAL thank you for your question

NOT POUNDED BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF SOMEONE ELSE'S DOUBT IN MY PLACE ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM BECAUSE DENYING SOMEONE'S PERSONAL JOURNEY AND IDENTITY LIKE THAT IS INCREDIBLY RUDE SO NO THANKS

[evanpetersmybf]

Be mine?

Tate Langdon x female!reader

Summary: Meeting you was his destiny. He had to make you his so he could feel alive... It was meant to be.

Genre: Smut.

Word count: 3,172

Warnings: Virgin and inexperienced reader, mentions of bullying, self-harm (just once and is nothing detailed), obsessive and stalkish behavior, swearing, cunnilingus, fingering, unprotected p in v and cumshot.

A/N: English isn't my first language and this is my first time writing smut, so sorry if it sucks or if I have grammatical mistakes or something TT. Btw, also sorry if Tate's out of character. Anyways, hope you enjoy it!

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ཐི ♡ ཋྀ

Tate had another bad day. It was the usual. Bullying, failed tests, the teacher humiliating him after he couldn’t solve a simple equation on the chalkboard, his mother scolding him. Nothing seemed new, and it seemed that nothing wasn’t going to change at any point.

He needed something, a reason to live, something to make him feel alive. Because he was dead. Dead in life, which in his own opinion, was even worse than being a rotten corpse.

He headed to the music store after secretly stealing some of his mom’s money, just a few bucks; the enough amount to buy a vinyl or some CD’s. Tate was sort of a music elitist, always believing that the artists nowadays just created pure, hollow, and trashy songs. In fact, he didn’t believe those could even be considered music.

Walking around the nearly empty store, rummaging through the shelves filled with Nirvana vinyl’s, someone bumped into him.

“Oh, sorry.” You spoke, after accidentally taking too many steps back and bumping into Tate’s behinds.

He frowned, somewhat annoyed at you for disturbing his moment of peace. The blonde turned around to look at who it was, scanning your body from head to toe, taking note of your appearance. Then, his dark eyes drifted to the sign that was on top the shelf, which indicated the musical genre of the records that were on that rack. Alternative pop. His gaze went to the album you were hugging to yourself.

“Cry Baby? What type of crap is that?”

“Huh, excuse me?”

“Never mind, you won’t understand.” Tate talked in such a volatile and rude manner, already feeling superior because of his likes.

You arched an eyebrow. What was his problem? You did nothing to him and yet he was here, judging your amazing music taste.

“Well, people’s free to like whatever they want to, hmm?”

“Uh, yeah, but what’s the point of that if everything is so generic?”

“Have you ever listened to Melanie Martinez at least once?”

He shook his head no, still scowling, now fidgeting with a ring that was on one of his fingers.

“Have you listened to Nirvana?”

“Just like… Two songs?”

“Don’t tell me. Smells Like Teen Spirit?”

“Guilty.”

Tate rolled his eyes. What was going on with this generation? What happened to good music, to the greatest artists? Why was everyone just listening to trash?

After sharing your names and a few more words, debating about who was right and who wasn’t, you placed one of your hands over his right shoulder, as an attempt to stop his rant of how superior he was. And indeed, it worked. The teen stopped venting and stared at you, all confused and a bit uncomfortable. You noticed it and quickly stepped back, apologizing for touching him without permission. He told you it was okay, that you just surprised him. But deep down, that simple yet complex touch meant a lot to Tate, even if it was absolutely nothing to you.

For the first time he felt something more than sorrow.

“So… What do you think of this? I’ll make you listen to some songs by Melanie and other artists, and I’ll listen to your beloved beautiful grunge music.” You said those last words in a mocking way.

Tate huffed, clearly offended by the way you referred to his taste. Nevertheless, in the end he agreed with you.

After paying the stuff you two picked, both of you went to Tate’s place. As you walked next to him, your fingers brushed his, making his cheeks turn a light shade of red and his heart flutter. He felt dizzy, not sure about what was going on.

In his house, he took you to his room. The boy didn’t want his mother to see you, otherwise she’d be too nosy and probably scare you and push you away from him, and that was the last thing he wanted.

“Get comfy.” He mused, extending his hand as if inviting you to take a seat wherever you feel to.

“Thanks.” You sat on the floor, using one of the sides of the bed as a support for your back. He did the same and sat right next to you.

He was nervous. So damn nervous and excited. He brought a pretty chick to his place. The Tate Langdon, the outcast, the bullied, that Tate Langdon was in the same room with a girl? He couldn’t believe it.

“Ladies first.” Tate pointed the record-player with his thumb, and you obeyed, placing the CD in it. The music started playing.

“We could’ve used Spotify, y’know?”

“Nah, I don’t like it. I prefer the old school.”

‘Cry Baby’ was the first track that was listened to.

He squinted his eyes and rubbed his chin, analyzing the sounds, the melody, the harmony and of course the lyrics.

Although it wasn’t his style, you definitely were. The way you looked, talked, walked. How you stood up for your beliefs and didn’t allow him to step on you (even if you just discussed about music). It was new for him. He craved your independence. He craved you.

That was the very moment when he realized that you were the thing he was looking for all his life. You were the one who was meant to be his, he was meant to be yours. It was destiny. Tate truly believed it was some kind of divine prophecy, and he wasn’t going to let you go.

He was so immersed in his mind that he didn’t pay attention to the song anymore. He was solely focused on you, remembering how warm and kind your touch was, how sweet your voice was. ‘Oh, she’s mine’, he thought.

“So… That was the first track. Its name’s Cry Baby. Did you like it?”

Tate snapped out of it and bit his bottom lip. He didn’t listen to your question.

“I’m sorry, what did you?—”

“Did you like the song?”

“Ah, yeah yeah. It’s quite… Innovative. I’ve never heard something like that.”

You smiled and clapped your hands. “Of course! She’s such a genius. Let’s finish the album, hm?”

He just nodded, as a little smirk appeared on his face.

The days flew by, and Tate asked you out on many friendly dates. Or at least that’s what you thought because you were so oblivious at the fact that he had a fat crush on you.

With every hang out, you noticed that Tate was lonely. Like, really lonely. Maybe that’s why he was so clingy with you.

He told you about his family, about how annoying Constance was, about his siblings and about how his father left him behind. He also mentioned the bullying he suffered and almost talked about the self-harm but stopped himself.

Both of you grew closer, as his obsession.

Since you went to a different school, he would skip class and infiltrate your campus just to see you. He couldn’t stand being away from you. And if he did, his mind was full of you, thinking of you all day, unable to focus on his homework and tests. Tate didn’t care anymore if he failed subjects, as long as you were next to him, he was happy and alive.

The void he once felt, was now fulfilled with your mere presence. You could step on him, and he would thank you. In his twisted little mind, you were free to have everything of him.

He was willing to do anything to keep you by his side. The thought of losing was so terrifying that it would make him throw up.

Tate learned every single detail about you. Your mannerisms, your likes and dislikes, your dreams, and your fears. Everything. And that includes your schedule since you wake up, and since you go to sleep.

That was his definition of love. No one ever taught him about how to express it, and he ended up being the way he was with you.

One day he invited you over to his place. The Langdon's house was empty, and he was going to take advantage of it. No doubt.

“Your mom isn’t home?” You questioned as you followed him behind, going upstairs straight to his bedroom. Little did you know this wasn’t going to be another afternoon of playing board games while listening to some music.

“Nah, dunno where she went but she won’t be back any time soon.” He shrugged and let you inside of his private space,

You went to lay down on bed, feeling relief in your aching back after a long day at school. “Damn, I need some rest!”

Tate chuckled softly and sat on the edge, looking at you as you closed your eyes and tried to relax. He was focused on your steady and calm breathing, on how your breasts went up and down with every inhalation and exhalation. His eyes stared at your lips, at how kissable they looked. He felt a sudden desire, the intense urge to make you his. Feeling conflicted, he shook his head and tried to distract himself, pretending to ignore how aroused he was getting.

He wasn’t going to say it out loud, but of course he already had some wet dreams of you. He imagined you beneath him, your precious body shivering and responding to his touch, to his kisses. Your cunt wet and ready for him, just how he wanted to.

“Y/N…” Tate cooed, unable to hold back any longer.

“Yeah?” You opened one of your eyes and spotted him, sitting on the bed with his fists clenched over his thighs, while his breathing looked kinda rapid. “You ‘kay?”

“No.”

“Uh? What’s wrong?” You reincorporated and sat straight beside his warm figure. Your right hand touched his left, rubbing it up and down with your thumb.

Tate shoved you to the bed, pinning your arms above your head and holding them tight.

His breathing pattern was no longer normal. It was a heavy one.

His dark brown eyes locked with yours. Your orbs were wide, not understanding what the hell was going on. Or maybe you did but were in denial.

“Please. I want you.” He purred, seeing you with puppy eyes, the ones he knew you couldn’t resist.

“Hahah, you funny.”

He let out a frustrated whine, almost begging on his knees for you to get the hint.

“I’m not kidding. Pretty please. I need you.”

“Do you mean…?” You raised your head a few centimeters to look at his crotch in order to confirm your suspicions. Your cheeks had a cute blush as soon as you noticed Tate’s erection restrained by his jeans. It looked painful, and it actually was.

“Yes. I want to. Please, I truly need it. Please, please, please?” His voice was shaky and low, a needy desperate whisper. “Can I?”

This wasn’t what you expected for today. You saw Tate as a best friend, but you couldn’t deny he was handsome… And that he already provoked butterflies in your stomach before.

Hesitantly, you gave a shy nod with your head, giving him consent to continue. “But Tate… I’ve never done this before, I dunno what to do, I—” You trailed off, being cut off mid-sentence when Tate placed his lips over yours. The kiss was slow and tender, not rough at all. Your bottom lip was between his, as he nibbled it with extreme care to not hurt you.

After some seconds, he pulled apart and led his hand towards the side of your face, brushing some hairs away. “Don’t ya worry, princess. Leave it all to me, hm? I’ll be gentle. Unless you don’t want me to.” With that being said, he leaned into your neck, pressing his mouth on your sensitive flesh. He left sweet kisses, making you hum as you melted under him.

His lips continued to tease your skin, leaving some little bites between every kiss, trailing down to your collarbone. Tate stopped there and helped you get rid of your blouse, tossing it aside and continued his journey, this time kissing your sternum while his right hand cupped one of your breasts, kneading it gently over the fabric of your bra. He pulled down the straps and took off the piece of lingerie, setting your tits free.

The cold air hit you and your nipples perked up, looking ravishing and making him desire you even more.

He introduced one of the hardened buds into his warm mouth, sucking it greedily and making lewd wet sounds as he did so. His left rubbed the other nipple in circles, taking it with his thumb and index, pulling it and pinching it.

“Hmph… Huh…” You let out soft whimpers, slightly arching your back meanwhile he abused your breasts.

Tate stopped after some minutes, letting go of your nipple and looking at you, grabbing your chin and tilting your head to the side. He approached your ear and whispered, “You like this?”

“Yes…” You begged. Your voice was already ragged and shaky.

Instinctively, you pressed your thighs together, rubbing them as a pathetic try to feel some relief. Tate realized it and spread your legs with one of his hands. He took his digits right to your clothed pussy, eagerly rubbing the spot where your clit was.

“Someone’s already wet? Cute.” He giggled and took off his striped sweater, throwing it away. He positioned himself between your limbs and pulled down your pants, mesmerized as he saw your damp panties. Tate continued rubbing your bundle of nerves over the fabric of your underwear, still fascinated at how humid you were.

This was the moment he had been waiting for the past weeks. He wasn’t going to need to jerk off to your photos anymore, because now he would be able to jerk off to your tits in person.

Tate removed the last barrier that was stopping him from touching your womanhood directly. He pulled them down to your ankles and you helped him to get rid of it by shaking your feet.

He got closer to your cunt and placed your legs over his shoulder, spreading your folds with two of his large digits, blowing some air at the sensitive meat. Finally, he started sucking on your swollen clitoris, enjoying the feeling of your dampness against his face.

“Mmh…” He moaned, still toying with the nub. You grabbed him by the hair, not thinking about what you were doing. You just let yourself go and pulled him closer to your pussy, wanting to feel more. Your body twitched, unconsciously bucking your hips against his mouth that was currently making slurping sounds.

His attention changed and was now on your slit, teasing just the entrance with his hot tongue, while his nose rubbed against your clit. He lapped your pretty cunt, savoring your juices as if they were a delicacy.

Looking at your adorable face contorting in pleasure, he introduced his ring finger into your wet, tight hole. It was a slow and kind movement because the last thing he wanted was to hurt you. He slipped it deeper, pumping it in and out with care, increasing speed after a few seconds once he saw you comfortable. “Tell me if it hurts…”

“Mhm… It feels nice. Huh…” Your melodic whimpers and moans were just too much for him. He could listen to you for the rest of his days and never get tired of you.

Without further ado, he introduced his middle finger, now finger-fucking you with two. Tate’s thumb was also working wonders on your lil’ bundle of nerves in circular motion.

She was clenching around Tate’s large fingers, that he curled inside of her, hitting the right spot to make you squirm and feel a new and foreign sensation in your lower belly.

“Fuck it, I can’t wait anymore.”

He undid his belt, unzipped his pants and pulled down his boxers, quickly getting rid of them and letting them fall to the wooden floor.

You just stared in awe; it was the first time you saw one in real life.

Tate grabbed his hardened cock and stroked it a few times on top of you, finding amusing your silly reaction. The reddish tip was glistening with pre-cum, which he used as lube. He spat at your pussy and rubbed his slick saliva with two digits, before finally thrusting his dick.

He did it slowly, beginning with the head. Eventually, he pushed his entire length, hitting your cervix and stretching you out for the first time.

“Fuck, you’re so tight!” Even if he was taking the lead, he was a whiny mess, vocal and loud.

He continued pounding into you, his gaze never leaving your face. Tate loved how you rolled your eyes to the back of your head and how your little mouth was letting out such nasty sounds.

The room was filled with slapping and wet sounds, created by his skin slapping against yours, his balls always hitting you with every stab. Again, he placed your legs on his wide shoulders to have a better angle and pump into you deeper than before.

His big veiny hands were roaming all over your body, specifically your breasts. Within minutes, he developed an addiction to them. Probably because of his mommy issues? He grabbed them roughly, tweaking both of your nipples as he fucked you mercilessly.

Tate lolled his head as he felt your hole gripping him tight. Very tight.

He increased the pace and moaned your name, begging you to squeeze him tighter.

“Oh, please, please, please!” The blonde kept whining. He left one of his hands taking care of your nipples, while the other went back to torture your clit. He stroked it in circles, and then up and down, applying the enough amount of pressure to make you beg for more.

“Tate, I feel like I’m—”

“It’s okay, let it go, mhm?”

You couldn’t hold yourself any longer and squirted all over him, coating his lower body with your warm fluids.

“Oh, oh, oh, oh, gonna cum!” Tate pulled out from your cunt and pumped his cock with his hand finishing with a loud moan. His hot sticky white cum coated your breasts and abdomen, creating an incredible sight that he always imagined.

All spent, Tate threw himself next to you on the bed, pulling a blanket to cover both of you as he filled your pretty face in candy pecks.

“Did it hurt? First time usually does.” He looked at you, concerned for your wellbeing. “I was too rough?”

You laughed and shook your head no, caressing his messy locks with your fingers, tenderly scratching his scalp. “Don’t worry, I’m fine, really.”

Tate smiled at you and kissed you on the lips, “You’re so pretty, Y/N.”

You hugged him from behind, him being the little spoon this time. Your mind was going wild; you were still processing what happened and was about to drift to sleep when he whispered.

“Y/N…?”

“Mh, what is it, Tate?”

“I love you… Please be mine?”

[teine-mallaichte]

Let's talk hallucinations in whump/general fiction.

So first off full disclosure, I have schizoaffective disorder - think some bits of bipolar and some bits of schizophrenia kind of squished together, and as such hallucinations are a BIG part of my general existence.

Definition: A hallucination is a perception of a sensory experience—such as sight, sound, smell, taste, or touch—that appears real but is created by the mind and lacks an external stimulus.

Now, I see a fair few "hallucinations" type prompts in whump events, and just generally within the whump community, and I see a LOT of auditory hallucinations type prompt fills - mainly in the form of malevolent whispers - and ye that's a thing, but there are so many other hallucinations.

The thing is hallucinations can effect literally any sense, not just hearing - though I will add that auditory is usually regarded as the most common.

this is a long post so I am going to put a cut here... below the cut is exploration of the tyoes of hallucination, the causes and a bit about insight.

So, I thought it could be "fun" to explore a few in a post. Lets explore the 5 "main" senses first:

Auditory Hallucinations

Description: These are the most common type of hallucinations. They involve hearing sounds that are not present. The sounds are hear as if they are coming from somewhere external to the body. So in my case I have a few of these, but my main one is a voice who is with me even when I am in meds (another good point there for anyone who wants to use mental illness in their fics even in meds we can do have symptoms). This voice has a name and most of the time he just sorts off passes comments about things and people around me, like a sarcastic narrator and it sounds like he is standing just behind me.

Common Examples:

Malevolent Whispers: Insidious voices that might threaten, taunt, or belittle you.

Hearing Music: Melodies or songs playing that no one else can hear. For me this kind of sounds like someone is playing a radio in a different room.

Environmental Sounds: Hearing footsteps, doors creaking, or other sounds suggesting someone else is present.

Command Hallucinations: Voices that instruct or suggest (its not always ademand, sometimes more subtle and manipulative) you to do certain things, often with a compelling and distressing sense of urgency.

Less used examples:

Kind/supportive hallucinations: Voices that are encouraging, reassuring and supportive.

Distortion: Rather than sounds with no origin hallucinations that disort or warp actual sounds/voices changing the meaning, making it as if the TV or Radio is addressing you personally, making it sound as if a friend is threatening you.

Fun fact: it actually is possible to have a two way (sort of) conversation with a hallucination - I know I do it relatively often. It will be different for everyone, but fo me its a bit like having a conversation on a bad phoneline, yes the voice will respond but often its almost as if he hasn't fully heard what I said - or is ignoring key points. I can do this both outloud and "in my head".

Visual Hallucinations

Description: Visual hallucinations involve seeing things that are not present. These can range from simple shapes and flashes of light to detailed images or scenes. They often appear as if they are in the physical world and can be very convincing.

Common Examples:

Shadowy Figures: Seeing indistinct, shadowy forms that may move or appear to watch the character.

Distorted Faces: Perceiving familiar faces as grotesque or altered in frightening ways.

Apparitions: Full-bodied figures that may interact with the character or appear menacing.

Lights/sparkles: The whump community seems to very much enjoy lights and sparkles, especially in drugging.

Less Used Examples:

Intrusive Visuals: Images of disturbing or graphic nature that suddenly appear in your line of sight.

Perceptual Distortions: Objects appearing to warp, change shape, or color in unnatural ways.

Double Vision: Seeing multiples of objects or people, creating a confusing and disorienting experience.

Scenery Shifts: The entire environment changes, making you believe they are in a completely different place.

Fun fact: Sleep deprivation can cause some wild visual hallucinations, even relatively "mild" sleep deprivation can start to effect a persons perceptions.

Gustatory Hallucinations

Description: Gustatory hallucinations involve tasting things that are not actually present in the mouth. These can range from pleasant to extremely unpleasant tastes and can be triggered without any external food or drink.

Officially these are considered "rare", but personally (as someone who has done a lot of peer support work in the psychosis/voice hearing community I think they are simply under reported.)

Common Examples:

Bitter or Metallic Taste: A persistent bitter or metallic taste in the mouth, often leading to a sense of unease or concern about poisoning.

Sweet or Sour Taste: Tasting something sweet or sour unexpectedly, which can be confusing if it doesn’t match the current context.

Less Used Examples:

Spoiled Food: Tasting something rancid or spoiled, causing nausea and distress.

Unfamiliar Tastes: Tasting something completely unfamiliar and hard to describe, adding to the character's sense of disorientation.

Mimicking Actual Foods: Tasting specific foods that trigger cravings or aversions, despite not eating anything.

Transforming food: Food tasting like other food - I know someone for whom everything tasted like strawberries for days.

Common Causes: Neurological conditions or can be a side effect of medications.

Olfactory Hallucinations

Description: Olfactory hallucinations involve smelling odors that are not actually present. These can be pleasant or unpleasant and occur without any corresponding external stimulus. They can be particularly disorienting because they may trigger memories or emotions associated with certain scents - extremely complex if the person also has PTSD.

Common Examples:

Burning Smell: Wood, rubber, or food, which can lead to panic and fear of a fire.

Rotting Flesh: An overpowering smell of decay or rotting flesh, causing distress and nausea.

Perfume or Flowers: Smelling strong scents like flowers or perfume - hallucinations don't have to be inherently unpleasant sensations.

Less Used Examples:

Chemical Smells: Smelling chemicals like bleach or petrol.

Unfamiliar Scents: Smelling odors that you cannot identify.

Food Smells: Smelling specific foods that trigger hunger or nausea, despite the absence of any actual food.

Tactile Hallucinations

Description: Tactile hallucinations involve feeling sensations on or under the skin that are not actually there. These can range from mild tingling to severe pain and can be extremely distressing.

Common Examples:

Crawling Sensation: Feeling as though insects or bugs are crawling on or under the skin - often leading to frantic scratching or picking.

Electric Shocks: Experiencing sudden, sharp, electric-like jolts.

Pressure: Feeling pressure or tightness around certain body parts, such as a hand gripping the arm or something heavy on the chest.

Less Used Examples:

Temperature Changes: Feeling extreme cold or heat on the skin without any external cause.

Wetness or Dripping: Feeling as though liquid is dripping or running down the skin, even when dry.

Phantom Touches: Sensations of being touched or grabbed, often when alone. Sometimes its an almost feather like touch, other times its more akin to a grab that if reak would leave a bruise.

Right now let's expand - because there are more than 5 senses.

Proprioceptive Hallucinations

Description: Proprioception is the sense of the relative positioning of one's body parts. Proprioceptive hallucinations involve distorted perceptions of where your body is in space or how it is moving.

Common Examples:

Floating Sensation: Feeling as if the body is levitating or moving without control.

Distorted Body Size: Perceiving limbs or the entire body as being unnaturally large or small.

Less Used Examples:

Misaligned Limbs: Feeling as though limbs are twisted or out of place.

Movement Hallucinations: Sensing movements that aren't occurring, like swaying or rotating.

Common causes: Neurological disorders or the effects of certain drugs, but can by caused by a huge array of things.

Vestibular Hallucinations

Description: Vestibular sensations involve balance and spatial orientation. Vestibular hallucinations affect your sense of balance, making you feel dizzy or as though you're moving when you're stationary.

Common Examples:

Vertigo: A spinning sensation, as if the environment or oneself is rotating.

Imbalance: Feeling as though you're about to fall over or can't maintain your balance.

Less Used Examples:

Motion Sensation: Sensing movement, like rocking or swaying, when you're still.

Gravity Distortions: Feeling as if gravity is stronger or weaker than it actually is.

Common caused: Inner ear issues, migraines, or anxiety.

Temporal Hallucinations

Description: Temporal hallucinations involve distorted perceptions of time. They can make time feel like it's speeding up, slowing down, or standing still.

Common Examples:

Time Dilation: Feeling as though time is passing much slower than it actually is.

Time Compression: Perceiving time as moving rapidly, making events feel like they're passing in a blur.

Less Used Examples:

Frozen Moments: Experiencing time as if it's stopped, with everything around you appearing frozen.

Temporal Displacement: Feeling as though you're living in a different time period.

Temporal Dissonance: Feeling as if time is moving differently for you in comparison to those around you.

Common caused: Extreme fatigue, high stress, or under the influence of certain drugs.

Interoceptive Hallucinations

Description: Interoception refers to the perception of sensations from within the body, such as hunger, thirst, or the feeling of a heartbeat. Hallucinations in this realm involve feeling internal sensations that aren't actually occurring.

Common Examples:

False Hunger: Feeling extremely hungry despite having eaten recently.

Nonexistent Thirst: An intense sense of thirst even when well-hydrated - I have had this one a few times and given myself electrolyte imbalances due tot he amount of water I ended up drinking (not fun).

Less Used Examples:

Phantom Heartbeats: Feeling the heart racing or skipping beats without any physical basis.

Digestive Sensations: Sensations of digestion, such as gurgling or bloating, without any real cause.

Common causes: Panic disorder or certain types of seizures.

Right, now lets quickly review the main "causes" of hallucinations

Mental Illness:

Schizophrenia: Can involve basically anything from this list, but anecdotally auditory and visual appear to be the most common.

Bipolar Disorder: Can include hallucinations, especially during manic or depressive episodes.

Schizoaffective Disorder: A combination of symptoms from both schizophrenia and mood disorders, often leading to a variety of hallucinations.

EUPD/BPD: Auditory hallucinations are relatively common.

In all of these the hallucinations will rarely (if ever) exist in isolation. If you do not have primary or secondary experience of mental illness then I would recommend doing a LOT of research - and talking to people who do (on this note my asks are open if anyone has any schizoaffective based questions).

Neurological Conditions:

Epilepsy: Particularly temporal lobe epilepsy, can cause a range of sensory hallucinations.

Parkinson's Disease: Can lead to visual and auditory hallucinations.

Migraine: Migraine auras can include visual and auditory hallucinations.

Once again the hallucinations will not be in isolatation so same advice as with mental illness.

Substance Use and Withdrawal:

Psychedelics: Drugs like LSD, psilocybin, and mescaline are known for causing vivid visual and auditory hallucinations.

Stimulants: Methamphetamine and cocaine can cause tactile and visual hallucinations.

Alcohol Withdrawal: Can lead to visual, auditory, and tactile hallucinations.

You know what I am going to say that my "if you do not have experience of this then go talk to someone who does" advice may just stand for every potential cause.

Sleep Disorders:

Sleep Deprivation: Can cause a variety of hallucinations across different senses.

Narcolepsy: Often includes hypnagogic (while falling asleep) and hypnopompic (while waking up) hallucinations.

Medical Conditions:

Delirium: Acute confusion and hallucinations often seen in severe infections, fever, or after surgery.

Dementia: Especially Lewy body dementia and Alzheimer's disease, can cause hallucinations.

Medications:

Anticholinergics: Can cause hallucinations as a side effect.

Steroids: High doses can sometimes lead to hallucinations.

Certain Antidepressants and Antipsychotics: Occasionally, these medications can cause hallucinations.

Psychological Stress and Trauma:

PTSD: Flashbacks and hallucinations related to traumatic events.

Extreme Stress: Can sometimes trigger hallucinations.

Metabolic and Endocrine Disorders:

Thyroid Disorders: Hyperthyroidism or hypothyroidism can sometimes cause hallucinations.

Electrolyte Imbalances: Severe imbalances can lead to hallucinations.

Deprivation:

Sensory Deprivation: Go google the ganzfeld effect, it's facinating.

Isolation: Extended periods of isolation can lead to hallucinations, known as sensory deprivation hallucinations.

Autoimmune Disorders:

Lupus: Can cause neurological symptoms including hallucinations.

Tumors:

Brain Tumors: Depending on their location, they can cause hallucinations affecting different senses.

Ok, finally point for this post. Let's discuss insight, because it is not as black/white or binary as people seem to assume.

Definition: Insight, in this context, refers to the awareness and understanding that one's hallucinations are not real but are a product of their mind. Insight can be partial or complete, and it often fluctuates.

Complete Insight:

Description: The individual fully understands that their hallucinations are not real and are caused by an underlying condition.

Impact: This can help the person manage their symptoms more effectively and seek appropriate treatment. However, it doesn't necessarily lessen the distress caused by the hallucinations.

Partial Insight:

Description: The individual has some awareness that their hallucinations might not be real but can still struggle with differentiating them from reality.

Impact: This can lead to confusion and anxiety, as the person oscillates between believing and doubting their experiences.

Lack of Insight:

Description: The individual firmly believes that their hallucinations are real and external.

Impact: This can lead to significant distress and functional impairment, as the person might respond to these hallucinations as if they were real.

Now imagine these three points on a scale from 0 (complete insight) to 10 (lack of insight) a person can be anywhere on this scale, and can slide back and fourth along it.

Factors such as stress, fatigue, medication changes, or daily fluctuations in mental state can cause insight to vary. A person might have high insight at one moment and low insight the next.

Basically Insight Is Not Static.

Also sometimes insight is just FREAKING RANDOM fluctuation for no discernible reason - honestly at times there is zero logic.

so ye, halluncinations… the brain is freaking wild.

Disclaimer - this is by no means an exhaustive list and like with many things every individual will experience these things slightly differently.

A similar post about delirium A similar post about fever

[mysadcorner]

Hey I love your headcanons and I was wondering if I could request J Todd, Aqualad and Wally west dating female reader who is a fashion designer??

DC Characters x FahionDesigner!Reader Headcanons

-Credit to the gifs owner - Please be specific about characters wanted in requests -

Masterlist Navigation

Jason Todd

Jason isn't going to have a big reaction when you tell him about your interest in fashion, but this doesn't mean he doesn't like hearing about it. He's actually more supportive than you would expect and tries his best to listen and be helpful in any way that he can when he has the time.

If you ever show Jason your designs, he will be pretty vocal about what he thinks. He's comfortable enough around you to be brutally honest, so don't take anything he says as offensive, he's just being blunt.

Jason finds peace in watching you make things, no matter what it is or how long it takes you. There's a kind of peace he finds in seeing you settled and enjoying a hobby or interest, especially if you end up with a job which surrounds this.

Jason would mainly watch you when you're making clothes rather than actively joining in, and he will go out of his way to ask questions just to keep even a little bit of your attention fixated on him. He's going to be the one to walk behind you in the store to hold all of the fabric you're going to buy, and luckily he's big and strong enough to carry any amount you want.

Since you know Jason so well, you'd definitely have an idea of the type of things he likes to wear - including his outfit when he's Red Hood. He'll let you know the specifics of what he's looking for, and will happily wear your designs as a way to feel closer to you when he's away from you on patrol.

Aqualad

He's always going to be interested in any hobby you may have. He'll listen and even ask to see things that you've designed or made when you first mention what you do just to hear you talk about it more.

You're not going to get a huge reaction out of him, so don't expect anything explosive or loud, but you can see the way he enjoys your designs by the look on his face. Even if the two of you aren't in an established relationship yet, he'd be proud of anything you've gone out of your way to make.

He’s going to watch you constantly when you’re making or designing things, not necessarily as he’s trying to get in your way but just because he wants your company. He likes seeing you concentrate, and even if you’re too busy doing something else instead of giving him your attention he won’t mind.

He may not know what he’s doing at first, but he’s usually pretty quick to figure it out. Whether you need him to help hold fabrics, pin things out simply go out to get you more mediums to create designs he’s going to be more than happy to help out in any way he can to make things as easy as possible for you.

He wouldn’t just wear your designs, he would absolutely wear them as much as possible with pride. Even if they were the most simple of creations, he’d create quite a collection of just the things you make for him.

Wally West

Wally is going to be very enthusiastic about the fact that you make fashion designs. He may not know much about it, but he’s always supportive and excited about any interest of yours.

Any time he sees your designs he’s going to be looking at them with great detail. He may even spend quite a lot of time just looking through them casually just to see what you’re up to and to see what direction you like to take your designs.

All he can do is try and grab your attention, even if you’re constantly giving to him he’s still going to crave it. Because of this, he’ll hang around you while you make designs like a stroppy cat, pushing around your materials until you finally catch him.

He would try his best, but he probably wouldn’t be too helpful if you’re trying to get some serious designs out while he’s helping. It would be much easier for him to help if you turn it into something playful, more so just a way to spend time together.

If you were going to design something for him then he would probably ask for something a bit more extravagant for his suit just to make a show of it. He would also wear your simpler designs, but he likes to be a bit playful with things.

[scaredcrab]

A match! (drabble/hc)

Character: ☼ Wukong x Reader; ☾ Macaque x Reader ☽

✐ Context: You got a match in a dating app!

✐ Category: Funny. Cute. Romantic.

I never used one of those apps before, so I'm basing this solely on what I saw from posts and videos on the internet.

☼ Sun Wukong:

✐ Probably it all started when MK noticed how alone his master seemed to be.

✐ To help, Mk would create the account for Wukong, a thing that the monkey was totally against, but he decided to give it a try to please his student (or maybe he totally wanted some new company).

✐ Your profile did catch the Great Sage's attention easily.

✐ The description said that you like animals, and your hobbies included cooking, baking, and watching a lot of different series that he particularly liked too (the adventure ones with clear inspiration on JTTW).

✐ An animal lover would be perfect to deal with the Monkey King and his little monkeys, the fact that you were into making food was a huge attractive, and it was clear that watching TV would be a nice activity since you two shared similar interest when it comes to entertainment.

✐ And your cute profile picture showing off your beauty kinda made him more interested in this whole dating idea.

✐ Happy news! His solicitation to talk got accepted! Soon the two of you were babbling about your favorite shows and other common interests.

✐ If you choose him as your match, your profile probably stated that you were in search of someone funny. His profile picture was a blurry pic of one of his little monkeys with a puffy cheek for eating an oversized piece of fruit.

✐… And seeing this interest in amusing men, made Wukong put all his goofy charm on display, you would laugh so much while chatting to him.

✐ The fact that your online crush has martial arts as one of his hobbies listed on his profile did get your eyes too. I mean, who doesn't enjoy the concept of a strong person that know how to defend themselves?

✐ Ok, you had to admit that the idea that he would have a sexy fighter body also made you interested.

✐ When you asked for a photo of him, you had to ask him to "turn off the cute monkey filter he was using".

✐ He didn't manage to make you believe that he was in fact the Monkey King, he had to take a photo of him in human form (but continued to say that this wasn't his original appearance, and you laughed at his "silly joke")

✐ When the moment of the first date finally happened, you arranged to meet in a humble cafeteria, but busy enough to have almost all the tables occupied.

✐ Sun Wukong appeared in human form to avoid any type of outdoor confusion. Happiness fuelled him by seeing how things just clicked naturally between you guys.

✐ But when the date ended, and you two were ready to say goodbye, you gave him a surprise kiss in his nose and he literally transformed back in front of you.

✐ A poof sound was emitted in the air, revealing a ginger monkey with a scared expression. Silence tainted the surrounding for a bit, until your partner broke it.

"Uuhhh... Well, I'm the Monkey King, just like I said before... Yey?"

"That was... Kinda cute." - You said with shocked eyes and blushing cheeks.

✐ With you knowing who he really is the dates got more interesting, he took you to fly in his cloud, to see his land, to know his monkeys and his successor, to watch him training.

✐ It would take a long time for him to work up the courage to ask to be your boyfriend.

✐ After plucking up the braveness and arranging a cute, and romantic date, he would appropriately propose (or as appropriately as he could manage).

-✐-✐-✐-✐-✐-✐-✐-✐-✐-✐-✐-✐-✐-✐-

☾ Macaque:

✐ Macaque was probably bored and searching for any distraction when he downloaded the app.

✐ He thought that playing with one stranger feelings was a fun idea.

✐ Soon he found your profile that wasn't just the perfect victim, it was quite of charming to him too.

✐ First, the profile showed a beautiful frame, elegant, yet simple.

✐ The description informed that you were a "night owl", a person full of flaming passion to give, with meditation and writing novels as the main hobbies, but reading and watching theatrical plays as activities you enjoyed too.

✐ It was more than clear that you two would talk about good stories. His interior artist was crazy to show his many shadow plays to someone special, Macaque just didn't want to admit it openly.

✐ Of course, you had no trouble getting interested in this captivating and attractive figure.

✐ The profile picture showed his dazzing human form, and the way he described himself clearly highlighted his dramatically theatrical side, so poetic and mysterious at the same time.

✐ The two of you would spend late nights talking about different ideas for dramatic scripts, judging movies and book scripts you might be seeing, and sharing gossip about any interesting celebrity drama.

✐ Any time you had a question about how something would work mechanically in a fight, so you could write in your book you would talk to him, as the profile made it clear he was a fighter.

✐ Even more fun was asking side effects of specific blows, such as how a person feels after receiving a kick in the chest.

"I'm going to research how much a person bleeds after being stabbed."

"You need to specify how the cut was, if it is superficial, only a few drops will come out of the cut, if it is a larger tear, the blood will come out more quickly, but it depends a lot on the severity of the blow."

"... Wow... You totally have to help me with my book. Let me give you more details..."

✐ Mr Six Ears started to build some unconscious expectations after seeing how enchanting you were. Any amount of flirtation coming from him was returned by you with an even more effective dose of sweet talk.

✐ The monkey didn't notice, but over time any notification he heard made his own heart flutter. Your passionate side was slowly making him delirious with strong emotions.

✐ You set up your first date at a memorable restaurant, sure it wasn't the most expensive in town, but the high quality was remarkable.

✐ Even though the place was full of elegant people, he couldn't take his eyes off you.

✐ Flirtation filled your table conversation, both of you dedicated to making the other feel attractive. You mostly praised his voice, making clear that to you his voice was much prettier than the singers in the background.

✐ In the end he pulled you in for a kiss in the expectation of messing with you, having fun playing with you, but what he felt was something too good for him too.

✐ Subsequently, the end of the date made him notice how he was actually feeling.

✐ He didn't talk normally to you for a month (a thing you didn't like at all, it's super common for people to disappear after the first date), but after that break he got more intense, he clearly had something to tell you.

✐ A date was arranged at the theater where he works. After a beautiful shadow play presentation in which he told the story of the legendary Six Eared Macaque, he called you backstage for a chat.

✐ Macaque showed his true form, he was ready to be rejected for lying, but you smiled as if you already knew he was probably a demon.

"You weren't exactly discreet about your supernatural abilities, I saw you grab a bottle of wine from the shadow of our table on the last date."

✐ The next few dates got better and better, and not long after he found himself officially dating you.

[vinjinssunglasses]

———————————————————————————

✮ character: vasco

✮ summary: him in a relationship w u <33 [sfw]

✮ start: 12 Aug (1:45am)

✮ end: 14 aug (edited 21st aug)

✮ a/n: I love him sm 🙏🙏

———————————————————————————

- He’s very inexperienced — he’ll do embarrassing things that he learnt in videos such as “how to impress a girl” or use silly advice from Jace, who, in fact has never dated either.

- Initally, he’s very awkward and flustered, but as time flies, he’s become so relaxed around you. Before, at the beginning of your relationship, he used to fluster when you asked him out on an one-on-one outing, but now he’s eased enough to make light-hearted jokes, gradually becoming comfortable enough to reveal his true self to you.

- Type of guy to do anything for you, no matter how big or small the task is. Whether it’s staying up late with you, calming you down when you’re distressed or simply wanting his attention, he never hesitates to put your needs above his own. You feel so soothed knowing he’s always by your side no matter what.

- Absolutely makes sure you never have to lift a finger around the house. Chores such as: laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc., he does it all for you so you can just sit back.

- Contrary to what you might expect, he wouldn’t go for pet names in day to day life. Instead, he’d prefer to call you by your name while slipping in ‘baby’ or ‘sweetheart’ to catch you off guard.

- He loves the idea of matching accessories with you. He’ll create little bracelets, one bearing your name and the other with his and wear his constantly, no matter how childish he may seem. Wherever he goes, he’ll always be reminded of you. Quite cheesy, but you love it nonetheless.

- Though he may appear intimidating to others, his gaze always softens when he’s with you. When he walks past a flower shop, he can’t resist but buy your favourites, even if it’s just an ordinary day. He knows that he wasn’t supposed to spend money, but he finds it all worth it when he sees the smile spread across your face.

╰┈➤ On that note, although they not may be the richest, expect be pampered with gifts, including new clothes he thinks you’ll look gorgeous in, necklaces, and other surprises you can barely keep up with.. He’ll spend ages debating with the rest of Burn Knuckles what dress to get you or simple gift to get you. They mindlessly debate on what would fit you better until they finally come to a half-hearted agreement.

(They even make you handmade gifts that you find adorable.)

- Showers you with compliments. ‘Beautiful’ ‘Pretty’ ‘Talented’, words you hear so often but you never have a doubt about his sincerity, given by the smooth, gentle tone of his voice when he whispers those sweet words into your ear.

- Vasco never gets angry at you — He simply cant. To raise his voice or to even think about causing you any harm is unimaginable. He loves and adores you way too much to harm you.

- His favourite thing to do with you that he’ll never admit is simply holding you close, feeling your breath on his chest and body nestled against his. Vasco doesn’t mind being big spoon or small spoon — he just wants to be with you.

- Another thing Vasco’ll never admit he loves is when you wear his clothes. When you wear his classic tank top or his Burn Knuckles uniform, he can suddenly feel his cheeks burning up as he quietly murmurs ‘you look good’, all while holding back what he really wants to say.

- To date him, you have to get use to his constant hands all over you. He never turns down affection, gladly pulling you in by your hips when you ask to cuddle. When you’re casually doing anything, he naturally wraps his arms around your waist and nestles his head into your shoulder like its second nature.

- No matter where he takes you, his attention is all on you. During movie dates, he finds himself constantly taking glances at you to see if you're enjoying it. While on a picnic date — although has never thought of being on one, but only considered it when Jace suggested it — he's still only has you on his mind.

- Vasco always talks about you to others: your beauty, your voice — everything about you is captivating. He’s practically deaf to anything that isn’t related to you.

- When your first anniversary came around, Burn Knuckles all cheered and decided to throw a surprise party. Cake, balloons, music - all of the usual elements of a celebration. You’ve never seen Vasco this excited; he was practically on cloud nine. The constant chatter and questions left you drained. By the end of the day, you were so exhausted that you just let yourself collapse atop his broad chest which felt especially inviting. His heartbeat thumped. loudly in your ear, its rhythm increasing with each passing second as you slowly drifted off to sleep. He then wrapped the two of you in a warm blanket, letting his chest serve as your pillow, secretly savouring this quiet, cozy embrace while letting his fingers gently glide through your hair before slipping into sleep himself.

- Expect to be treated like the second in command of Burn Knuckles. They all applaud and smile in your presence and hold you with such high regard that even Jace feels like you’ve taken over his role. Damon, to top it off, even gifted you one of his precious ducks, as a kind gesture to the new ‘second in command of Burn Knuckles’.

[osarina]

to the anon - i’m putting it under the cut because i’m not bringing discourse to my dash again. you are right in that you’re getting blocked, but i'm afraid that's where it ends!

i don't know WHERE you get the inclination that you think i think i'm being "cool" by my previous message, i'm sure that you think you're cool coming on anon to act like the selfship police, but i'll entertain your shitty asks one last time. i did not LIE about anything you said, that's a bold and absurd accusation.

i fear that is common sense. if someone does not have their exact age on their account and gives a vague range instead, you're a crossing a boundary by pressing for that exact age range to call them "weird". don't play stupid, it's not "mature" of you.

but quite frankly i don't CARE what you find weird! i am not aging myself back to being 18 again in my fics, i'm portraying the two of us at the stage in our selfship when we would have both been 18. when people write childhood friends to lovers, and the scene includes them being 12, they are not "regressing themselves" to be 12 again to selfship with a 12 year old version of a character. they are creating plot and substance to that point in a timeline and that's NORMAL. that's how writing works. i can write the 18 year old versions of me and dazai from the past in my fics to portray that portion of the story while still being in the 20s! i like substance and background to my selfships.

what about this is NOT judgmental? you come into my ask box judging me for having a selfship with dazai and pressing me about my age while calling it "weird" (that's a quote!) there is no twisted narrative here, you're acting like the selfship police. more than that, you're prioritizing the feelings of someone that does not exist over the feelings of a real life person. comparing someone in their early twenties to finding comfort with a character that is LITERALLY THEIR AGE is fucking absurd. dazai is 22 currently, he was 18 once. i am in my early twenties currently, i was 18 once. ???? i'm going through the timeline of what our relationship would've been like. comparing this to someone who is 50 selfshipping with a 14 year old is INSANE. that is a FOUR decade difference, not a few years. be fucking real right now, i actually can't believe someone typed this out and thought "wow this will totally get her!!"

again - your "simple question", if you put a little thought behind it, crosses boundaries. don't YOU lie. you can play innocent all you want but we all know that if someone doesn't have something explicitly stated - ESPECIALLY when they have an alternative there - it is CROSSING BOUNDARIES to press and ask for it. you can play innocent and stupid, but it's not going to work here, sorry. i'm not going to let you come onto MY blog and disrespect me.

... let me understand this .... dazai left in the spring .... his birthday is in the summer .... dazai is eighteen when he leaves the mafia .... meaning his birthday in the summer passed (and thus spring as well), so he left the next spring ... which means he's been 18 for nearly a whole year ............ regardless of the fact that you just disproved your own point, you sent no source and i'm afraid i'm not going to just take your word because i cannot find ANYTHING on this topic online.

on this topic, i never claimed to be the end all knowledge of dazai, i am not asagiri, i don't know everything and i dont claim to. but continue to get your snide comments in, i hope it makes you happier.

i allow simple questions when they are not rude and disrespectful. furthermore, i am NOT a content creator. i am a person who enjoys writing and enjoys sharing it. this is my personal blog, i don't make money from this. i will repeat - i am NOT a content creator, i don't like that term and the implications/expectations that come along with that. and this ask is precisely why.

this is the end of this discussion. there is one immature person here and it is YOU. you can act innocent and play stupid, but everyone knows that wasn't meant to be a simple question, and your response is even more showing of that. you're not going to come onto my blog - MY safe space - and disrespect me. the moment you ended that ask with "it's weird" it becomes rude and judgmental. if it was meant to be a simple question, you would have cut commentary altogether.

comparing someone who is in their early twenties selfshipping with a character who is ALSO in their early twenties to someone who is 50 selfshipping with someone who is 14 is actually insanity. i will always add substance and backstory to my selfships, just like i do with my fics. if you don't like that, kindly stay off my blog.

and claiming that i'm immature when you're throwing a fit in my inbox over someone selfshipping with a fictional character is more telling of you than me.

i will reiterate one last time that i am not a content creator nor do i want to be treated like one. this is my personal blog that i write fanfiction on. i don't get paid, i don't get sponsorships, brand deals or anything. i write fanfiction for myself and i share for those who might be interested. i'm not going to sit here and be told i'm "bad" at something that i'm not because you have a preconceived idea of how i "should" be acting because you presume i'm something that i'm not. it says right on my nav that this is a personal blog.

you're blocked, this conversation is over. i hope you reflect and realize why you were wrong here and you don't put another writer on here through the same thing.

i hope you have a good life and heal. peace and love.

[ilikemicrowaves]

WHY CARNELIAN SHOULD HAVE LIVED

@whymori @kiwiwisdeathday

Character recap for people who don't analyze Carnelian:

Carnelian was a skywing who attended JMA for only 3 days before being killed in an accidental explosion in the history cave done by Sora of the mudwings. Formerly she was a child soldier under Queen Ruby and claimed she would kill Scarlet herself if she was alive. In Moon Rising, Moon listend to her thoughts about how she seen education as a punishment and hoped that Queen Ruby would let her drop out to become a general and protect the palace, again proving her loyalty to Ruby. She had "blood-soaked dreams" and judged dragons depending on there battle skills. She didn't like dragons or making friends. She earned Umbers respect after she realized they had possibly fought in the war, side by side. Although her timid and harsh personality, she was actually really insecure about herself and thought the dragons around her found her stupid as well as her life goals.

♡—–——☆°●°☆————♡

This, is a type of character I would want to read about. I was so excited to learn about Carnelian reading Moon Rising, each page she got I enjoyed every bit of it and couldn't wait to see how her and Moon's relationship would turn out. Until I got to the cave explosion announcing her and Bigtails death... Like, come on Tui, you can't just write a really interesting character who's character arc would be really cool and then toss them aside! Moon Rising is still great, one of my favorite books. I just really wish Carnelian was kept alive or atleast longer more than not even half a book.

If I could rewrite the cave scene, yes, I would explode Carnelian but Instead of killing her off, I would make it to where she was extremely injured. Thus, making her disabled, and this would be good for wof to have more disabled representations in the series because there's only like 2 disabled characters out of the hundreds of existing ones.

When Darkstalker is manipulating Moon when she was trying to sleep, he claims he had a vision of Carnelian carelessly killing Kinkajou because she was being to annoying. Which yes, this could be true, but has anyone considered that maybe Darkstalker was lying? He could've only said this to manipulate Moon that her powers are a gift instead of a curse. Speaking of Moonwatcher, her relationship with Carnelian would have been really interesting to watch playout.

Carnelian to other dragons is a rude, narracistic dragon, when really she's aware she is not as smart as others, and has created this sort of mask to hid it by fighting and picking on others to not just appear confident and bigger, but to make her feel better about herself. No other dragons know this, but Moonwatcher. Moonwatcher is a kind dragon, so most likely she would try to be nice to Carnelian instead of assuming she's just a mean person.

And Carnelian doesn't see Moon as a weak dragonet, she was actually impressed by her hunting skills when she caught that goat.

But Moonwatcher isn't the only dragon who would be willing to approach Carnelian, Umber. Umber was confident enough to point out the fact that he thought him and Carnelian had fought in war together, atleast trying to appear friendly and say, "hey, i recognize you, maybe we could be mutuals." When cleary she was acking grumpy and angry to try and repel everyone from approaching her. This simple action of Umber's made Carnelian realize that she may have allies here.

I wouldn't expect Umber and Carnelian to immediately become friends but rather Carnelian finding comfort that she has an alley. Maybe even warming up to him and putting effort to hang out with him and Turtle. It's even shows in the books before her death that she was slightly trying to be friendly with others. When Winter was asking Moon about Bandit, Carnelian joked that he might be delicious, and it's unclear if she was serious. But, in this scene she is more social when we first met her, not pushing or name-calling dragons like before. So this could indicate that she is trying to be a tiny bit friendly but also still stern. I'm not saying that her and Winter would become absolute best friends but have a mutual respect for each other in some way.

And WHY is nobody talking about how Carnelian and Peril have a past?? Like, HELLO?? When Peril arrives at the school Carnelian is convinced that Peril would never harm her. And Tui just leaves it at that without ANY explanation? Where they friends? Rivals? LOVERS? I highly doubt that last but it gives potential to all the Carnelian x Peril fans out there so many ideas (honestly, I've only seen like 3 people that ship this and I hope you guys are having a nice dinner eating your crumbs.((do you guys even have ship name for them?))

The amount of fanfic ideas I have in my head for a Carnelian lives au is insane tho, and I have many doodles of all of them together. I just want to read and look at content where the school was ran properly and that nobody died. Happy trauma babies learning trust and the magic of friendship :D but if anybody would like to see content of the Carnelian lives au, I am in progress of writing a fanfic right now for it, so stay tuned my Carnelian lovers.

[yinyuedijun]

You can answer this when you're off hiatus or... Not since I feel this is a bit uncomfortable to ask for, but may I ask how to write characters who had undergone csa? And how to write how they recover from it. Again I'm sorry if this is uncomfortable you can just delete this if this brings up an uncomfortable feelings I didn't know who else to approach w this question but you as your nightflower fic is wonderfully written and I want to write a character who went through something similair

But I'm afraid of coming off as insensitive and cruel or possibly even worse someone who's writing this as simple shock value or something along those lines as I have (thankfully and luckily) never experienced something like that which makes me afraid that I might write or put something very harmful in my work

I'm sorry if this is too much to ask ^^;;;; I hope this isn't a burden....

Hi anon, thanks for the question! This is a topic that is quite important to me (as I'm sure you've noticed lol), so I'm happy to answer your question. Please forgive me for the length of my answer though because I accidentally wrote a fucking thesis 😰

So, in my opinion, the first and most important thing to remember when you're writing about people who have experienced sexual abuse (underage or otherwise) is that no two survivors are the same. Even if there are many commonalities between the stories of different survivors, ultimately the experiences and recovery process (or lack thereof) is going to be unique for everyone. As such, I can't really give you a "how-to" guide on ways to shape your story, and in fact if I tried to provide you with one then you'd probably accidentally write a caricature of an SA survivor.

However, I do highly recommend that you read stories/anecdotes from real-life survivors in order to get a realistic grasp on the experience and psychological impacts of SA. If you don't have firsthand experience with this type of trauma, I think this is the single most important thing you can do in order to create a story or character that feels authentic and nuanced, rather than coming up with a caricature of a victim/predator or accidentally writing a pointless shock value narrative. An equally helpful thing you can do is read fictional stories relating to SA that were written by actual survivors, or fictional stories that resonated with actual survivors. This will give you insight into how this type of trauma, or survivors carrying this type of trauma, can be depicted in interesting or thoughtful ways - which is not something that intuitively translates from having real life knowledge on the subject.

Now, the second point I'm going to make is somewhat controversial, and you don't need to agree with it by any means. It relates to your fear of writing something "insensitive" or "cruel". While it's amazing that you want to write your story carefully and with intention, you should also keep in mind that "insensitive" and "cruel" are very subjective terms, and different audiences will have different thresholds for them. For instance, there are some people who feel like any meaningful representation of sexual abuse (especially child sexual abuse) is inappropriate to depict. There are many others who feel that your story must exist within certain boundaries to be considered an "acceptable" narrative about sexual abuse. If these people are your intended target audience, then obviously I would try to minimize any kind of discussion of the abuse - and certainly do not write any onscreen depictions of it lol.

However, if your goal is to create a story that feels authentic and nuanced, and you want it to be enjoyed by audiences who are interested in authentic and nuanced narratives, then I can tell you that paying attention to the above group of people is literally the worst thing you can do for yourself. Sexual abuse of any kind is an inherently insensitive and cruel act, and thus detailed narratives about it will always feel insensitive and cruel in some capacity. So, when you consider the execution of your story (the events depicted, the dialogue, the level of detail, etc.), I would advise you not to think about it only with the mindset of "how can I avoid writing something insensitive/shocking/fetishizing" etc. Instead, think about it in terms of the events and thoughts you must depict in order to bring to life the feelings of your characters, and in order to make their struggles and recovery feel real. You may end up with something wildly controversial. You may also still end up with a story that shows nothing onscreen, and does not go into any detailed discussion, and is nevertheless very powerful. Wherever you land though, you'll have landed there because it's the way the story needs to be told - and not because it's how someone else dictated it should be told.

This is what I do, and unsurprisingly a lot of my stories are offensive to people lol. But ironically, many actual SA/DV survivors tell me that my characters are relatable for them, and the stories make them feel seen. While I don't write my fics for SA/DV survivors in general, I do write them for me, and I generally prefer to read SA narratives that feel authentic and nuanced, rather than ones that are gutless or sanitized. That's why I prefer this approach, and I think this is also why my approach tends to produce stories that resonate with other SA survivors. But if you think your target audience will have very different tastes from mine, then this advice may not apply. It really depends on your intent!

All that being said - whatever you may write, or however you approach it, it is already a lot that you are thinking seriously about ways to write your story thoughtfully. This is already more than what most people do when they write about characters who have gone through SA, especially CSA, and I'm sure it'll come through in your work. I know I gave you a shitton of advice just now, but honestly, don't be afraid to just give it a shot and see what comes out of it LOL. You may come up with something that is exactly what you were aiming for. And if it isn't, then you'll at least have a better sense of how to execute it in the future!

I hope this helps!!!! Sending you love 🫶

[iamleesi]

THE HUNTERS & THE SOLDIER

Pairing: Avenger! Bucky Barnes x OC! Avenger Reader

Summary: You finally find out who the stranger was and you don’t like it. Nobody does.

Warnings: Starts off with a flashback about Hydra, mention of experiments, implied cannibalism, being kept in isolation, Dean being a complete asshole, missing person, loss of a mother -> +18!!

Other: Sorry for eventual mistakes, my dog demanded cuddles between a paragraph and another. Enjoy!

-> Masterlist

-> Part thirteen ; Part fifteen

-> Angel of the Lord (14)

“Nonie!” You exclaimed excitedly as you rushed out of the facility into the new fenced yard outside. It was Hydra’s idea to create this area for the youngest members of the organization, though little did you know it was just to attract pureblood Wendigos.

By that time, you had created some kind of bond with Nonie even though it was difficult to understand if she truly liked you. Most of the time, she acted as if you didn’t exist, but on rare occasions - really rare occasions - she agreed to play with you, indulging in the same simple games you observed other kids playing. Other than her, you never attempted to interact with anyone else considering she was the sanest person you’d encountered aside from the agents which illustrated the mental state of the other people in there.

“It’s been a while! I see you’re less pale than before; that’s good!”

Nonie had been taken away from your shared room a few weeks ago, and since then, you hadn’t heard a thing about her. Not even Ezra was allowed to tell you anything related to her, which made you sad. However, you trusted those in charge and you were convinced she was okay. She had to be, she was your only friend.

“But Nonie, you’re losing some hair. Maybe I could ask Mrs White if she can fix that?” You suggested, gently moving a lock of black hair out of her face. You flinched at what you saw - her blue eyes were red, and despite appearing less pale, her veins were visible… and they were pitch black.

“I’m going to call Mrs White. I’m sure she knows what to do.” You said, but before you could fully rise to your feet, Nonie grabbed your arm with enough force to leave a mark. Meeting her eyes, you saw her shaking her head.

“But you’re-” You were cut off as she pulled you back down to your knees, releasing your wrist as she started to stare back into the woods behind the electric fence.

You weren’t sure why she prevented you from seeking help, but as you grew older and learned the truth about Hydra, it became clear. Nonie had been used as yet another subject for the Wendigo Project, and she was fully aware of it. Help wasn’t necessary because she would inevitably turn into one of those monsters and there was nothing you could do about it.

At that age, you were aware of the consequences. Initially, you tried to remain optimistic, convincing yourself that she would be immune like you. You couldn’t be the only special one, right? But you were wrong.

Terribly wrong.

You watched as she transformed in a matter of days, becoming increasingly aggressive towards the guards and she was always anything but aggressive. What struck you as odd was the fact that she never displayed that type of behavior towards you or whenever you were around. For briefs moments, it was like she was the same old Nonie.

That left you with several questions, and you weren’t alone - Mrs White became curious too. It seemed like Nonie listened to you, as she started following you around as if she was becoming protective of you which was completely out of character for her. It was then that Mrs White realized you could control those creatures, confirming her suspicion.

You couldn’t sleep at night because of it. Things weren’t supposed to turn out that way; Nonie wasn’t a bad person. Mrs White had told you that only bad people were used as subject for the Project, and she wasn’t. She couldn’t even talk, for God’s sake.

Nonie soon became unrecognizable and you started to question Hydra’s credibility for the first time. Could they be lying? Why would they harm an innocent person, your only friend, when the outside world was filled with genuinely bad people? You couldn’t deny that her new twisted form brought tears into your eyes, it would be a lie if you said otherwise. That wasn’t fair. Not to her.

But the more you pressed Mrs White about why they did it, the more she grew angry with you. She was never angry with you before, never lost her patience at your questions. And so you stopped asking.

Eventually, one day, you went against everything you believed in: Hydra.

Mrs White had personally assigned you a mission. You couldn’t recall the exact details of it because your memories of that time became a blur for some reason, but you remember that Nonie had to accompany you. Perhaps it was to test your control over her, but that wasn’t important.

What mattered was that you refused to complete the mission.

You didn’t understand what had come over you, but that day, as you walked with her and two Hydra agents… you set her free. You went against Hydra’s rules, and commanded her to just go as far as she could. You didn’t quite comprehend how you could do it, and you still don’t, but you were glad.

She left, not before taking the agents with her. At the time, you didn’t care; you didn’t feel guilty. That was the last time you ever saw her.

When you returned to the facility alone and empty-handed, they were livid. You had never seen them angrier, especially when you bluntly admitted to letting her go. For that, you were thrown into the punishment cell for a week straight: no bed, no heat, no window and no light. You were instructed to stay there and reflect on your mistakes, but even after the week of isolation passed you didn’t regret that decision.

It was Mrs White who eventually came to release you, wearing her usual red lipstick and a seemingly genuine smile as if she hadn’t been the one to lock you up in the first place. She then brought you to her office and made you watch a video.

You immediately recognized Nonie. It was from before Hydra took her, she looked healthier but she was still inevitably recognizable. In the video she was protesting against Hydra wearing a Captain America shirt.

“What does this mean?” You asked her once the video ended.

“Your friend was a terrorist.” She stated harshly. “She was against what we believe in. She wasn’t as innocent as you made her out to be. When we took her in, all we wanted was to reform her, to make her see things from the right point of view. She refused. She didn’t obey, nor did she show any signs of redemption. So we had to cut her tongue.”

At that revelation, you were left speechless.

“We put her in the same room with you hoping you’d be able to change her mind, but she never did. She never understood how much we’re doing to make the world a better place. She wasn’t happy about contributing to it - so we had to sacrifice her. We can’t help those who don’t want to be helped. We had to make her understand, we had to make her obey.”

“So you used my blood to turn her into… that?”

“We did. And you let her go.” Mrs White stared down at you with those cold, blue eyes, making you feel small. As if you made the worst mistake of your life.

Of course you had done something foolish. Hydra would never lie to you. They had their reasons for anything they did, and you had dared to question them. You had never felt more guilty.

“I’m so, so sorry Mrs White.” You apologized. “How can I make it up to you? To all of us?”

“I need you to find someone for me before it’s too late.” She grinned malevolently, but you interpreted it as a kind smile - you could have never known. “Can you do it for me?”

“I can do anything.”

* * * *

The sound of gentle knocks on the wooden door pulled you out of your thoughts, something you had wished had happened sooner since you’d been thinking about nothing but Nonie and your time in Hydra ever since you explained the whole situation to Natasha. You had told her everything you knew and suspected, along with the truth about who you were - and she was shocked, to say the least.

And rightfully so. She had come to help with the mission without informing anyone on the team because her fiancée was missing and she couldn’t stay there without doing nothing about it, only to hear stories about Wendigos and hunters; not exactly what anyone would expect, especially someone as skeptical as Natasha.

She thought you were under some substances for a moment, but eventually you managed to convince her.

“Sorry to disturb you, how are you doing?” Cassandra’s voice broke the silence as she observed you from the doorway.

“I should be the one asking that.” You replied with a dry chuckle. You were sitting on your bed, rummaging through a drawer in search of something quite specific that you wanted to ask her about. “Come over here for a second.”

She approached, and sat next to you with a small frown of confusion on her face. She watched as you pulled out a stack of papers, the very same ones you had found days ago in her house. You gave up trying to understand what she wrote on it a long time ago, but you had been thinking about asking her about it ever since you found out she was alive.

“Where did you find these?” Cassandra’s expression shifted to one of surprise, as she took the papers from your hands.

“I kind of… broke into your house a few nights ago and found these on the floor of your bedroom. Thought it was something important.” You explained, carefully watching her reaction. “I couldn’t read a single word, though.”

“Yeah, well… I’m a doctor.” She joked, but her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. “It’s stuff from University. I don’t know how this got on the floor. It’s nothing important, though, just some things I wrote down in a hurry.” She shrugged it off, tearing the papers apart and handing you back the pieces.

“Oh.” You said, looking at it. “Okay, stupid of me to think it meant something, but I wanted to be sure.”

“We should go downstairs or I’m afraid Natasha will kill Bucky soon enough. After what happened last night she has been lecturing him. It’s quite funny to see the bad, big Super Soldier with a pout as she yells at him.” Cassandra rose from the bed and rushed towards the door. “Come on?”

“Coming.” You said with a small smile, leaving the papers on your bed, mentally noting to throw them away later.

You followed Cassandra downstairs, where the scene unfolding was quite ironic in your eyes. Bucky sat in the corner of the couch, looking like a scolded child, while Natasha glared at him from the armchair; both seemed ready to jump at each other’s throat.

On one side stood a Window who didn’t let any mistake slip lightly; for her, Bucky’s flirting with someone outside the team was a mission-threatening error. On the other side stood a Soldier with his own ideas on how to handle things, both hot-headed individuals with a shared past.

Catastrophic, one would say.

But Natasha’s anger made sense to you, especially given the fact that the woman she was supposed to marry soon had been kidnapped, and Bucky had been getting cozy with another woman instead of focusing on the task at hand. So, you didn’t blame her.

Bucky’s eyes met yours the moment you entered the living room, and he shifted uncomfortably likely aware that if Natasha was angry, you were even more furious. He’d be too after the things he said to you and how he acted the previous night, but what was done was done.

“Where are Sam and Dean?” You asked once you reached the two of them, directing your gaze at Natasha even knowing that Bucky was the one with the answer since the redhead didn’t know the brothers personally yet.

“The Impala is parked outside.” Bucky responded before Natasha could speak. “I was just going to drag their asses here before someone decided to scold me.” He sent a glare to Natasha.

“Good.” You answered without any warmth in your voice, striding towards the door with quick steps.

You didn’t forget the words that the stranger told you the previous night about Dean, and about who you could and couldn’t trust. And you hated to admit that perhaps you had been thinking about the rest of the things he said more than you’d like to admit. For some reason, you didn’t tell anyone about your encounter, and you didn’t know why.

Stepping out of the house you crossed the lawn toward the Winchester’s place, knocking firmly on the door and waiting for a response. You didn’t even spare a thought for Sam’s role in all of this; lately, Dean had been the one acting strangely and the one the man in black mentioned the day before.

Not to talk about Bucky’s words from the other night at Mrs Thompson’s house, about Dean knowing more things about you than he let on. Your mind had been full of doubts ever since, and it was time to get some answers.

“Yes?” A man that you had never seen before asked as he opened the door, dressed in a long beige coat over a suit.

“Move.” You said curtly, brushing past him, but what greeted you inside the house made you stop dead in your tracks. You knew they were weird, but holy shit.

As you stood inside, you took your time admiring the view; it wasn’t the strangest thing you’ve ever seen, actually it was quite the style you had pictured for them. There were symbols all over the walls, along with some crosses scattered around. The windowsills had salt on them, but the thing that got you was the huge star with a circle around in painted on the floor.

“I think you got the wrong house.” The man from moments ago stated, his voice tinged with suspicion.

You turned to face him, finding his gaze narrowed, but before you could respond, a sudden wave of pain hit you straight to the head, causing you to instinctively press a hand to your temple. “Holy shit, not again.” You muttered through gritted teeth.

“The shit is not holy.” The man replied with a serious tone almost as if he got offended, and you managed to shoot him a deadpan glare before the nosebleed started.

“Castiel, what-“ Dean arrived into the room, his concern quite evident as he rushed to your side after seeing your state. It was due to the symbols on the wall that you felt that sick, like it happened at Malcom’s house a few nights ago. Not that you knew because no one had the decency to tell you.

Dean wasted no time dragging you out of the house under Castiel’s watchful eyes following your every movement. As if nothing had happened, once you were outside the pain stopped and your view stopped being a blur, Dean’s hand firmly on your shoulder as if to steady you.

“How about next time you just call me, uh?” He said with a small smile, though he could sense you weren’t in the mood for humour. 

“How about you stop being a dick and tell me what the fuck is going on?” You shot back.

“Listen, I’m sorry if haven’t been the greatest teammate in the world, but I had my reasons.” Dean explained, his hand sliding onto your arm as he searched your eyes. “And believe it or not, I did it for you.”

You took a deep breath, his words confused you as you didn’t think it made a sense. “You left Cassie locked in a room because of me? Do you think I’m an idiot?!”

“No!” He quickly said. “That time I had some other things to think about, but I promise I had good reasons.” Dean attempted to defend himself, a hint of his signature smile on his face as he raised his thumps up.

“… Care to explain? Because right now, I kind of want to punch you in the face.” You said, your tone sharp. “And who’s this guy? I feel like he’s digging a hole in my skull with the way he’s staring at me.” You added, pointing behind your shoulder at the man who looked rather constipated.

“Cas, this is Emma.” Dean introduced, gesturing towards you. “Emma, meet Castiel.”

“Castiel? As in the angel you told me about?” You raised an eyebrow, turning to look at the man.

“In the flesh. Kind of.” Dean confirmed with a nod.

“Why did you involve an angel in this mess?” You asked Dean, before turning back towards the angel. “Can’t you go tell God to snap his pretty little fingers for once in his life and solve this shit himself? His sabbatical year is lasting forever.”

“He isn’t home.” Castiel answered calmly. “And he would not help you. I know what you are, you weren’t in his plans.”

“Castiel.” Dean warned sharply, making you furrow your eyebrows.

“What’s going on?” Your eyes shiftet between the man and the angel, as they stared at each other. The tension between the two of them was almost intimate, you had to admit.

But back to the point.

“Nothing’s going on.” Dean dismissed your question quickly, grabbing your arm to pull you closer to his side. “And you, I told you to stay out of it.” He pointed at the angel.

You snatched your arm from his grip, getting between them. “Why did you agree on this case, Dean?” You asked, repeating the same thing the stranger had told you to ask him the previous night. You had been thinking about that specific question ever since the words left the stranger’s mouth, and by the look of it it you made the right decision.

Dean’s expression totally changed to one of anger, as he gritted his teeth. “Why are you asking that?” He said, his voice lower than you ever heard him do. He suspected why you asked that, and the thought upset him because he had tried to not bring that man to you in vain it seemed.

“Answer me.” You stood your ground.

“I told you he’d go to her. Threatening him isn’t the way of getting rid of him, and you knew it.” Castiel spoke, his voice measured but firm. The man in front of him shook his head as he ran a hand over his face in frustration.

“What did he say to you?” Dean demanded, forcefully making you look at him. He put both of his hands on your arms while you looked at him as if he was crazy, because let’s be honest he seemed fucking possessed. His eyes bore into yours with a ferocity that made him seem like a different person entirely.

“Nothing.” You replied, bewildered by his sudden behavior.

“Don’t lie to me, this is important, Emma. What did he say to you?!” He repeated, his grip tightening.

You stared back at him, trying to understand what had caused this drastic change in less that one second. Up until now, you’d known Dean to be the fun, occasionally harsh guy (only towards poor Sam). This, however, was something else entirely. You had to remind yourself that you didn’t really know him, and this might be the real Dean.

“Nothing!” You spat again, yanking your arms free from his grasp. “I don’t know what the hell is going on with you, Dean, but if you don’t fucking talk right now I will get my answers somewhere else.” You threatened, referring to the man in black you met the previous night. That man manifested out of the blue and he already managed to compromise things, that didn’t look promising.

“Hey!” Bucky’s voice cut through the tension, but it did nothing to break the staring contest between you and Dean. “You put your hands on her again and I’ll kill you.”

Dean finally tore his gaze from you to glance at Bucky, his expression still dark. He took a few steps back away from you, but he didn’t seem threatened by the Soldier’s words. “Keep your girlfriend away from trouble.” He muttered, walking over to your house.

“Are you okay?” He approached you.

“Now you care.” You huffed, as you walked past him following Dean without a word.

Bucky scoffed, and before he could join the two of you his eyes landed on the unknown figure standing awkwardly on the crosswalk. “You are…?”

“Castiel, I’m an Angel of the Lord.” He waved.

“An Angel of the L- nah, I’m too old for this.”

Back inside the house, the tension between you and Dean could be cut with a knife, evident even to Nat and Cassie who exchanged confused glances. Dean stormed over to his usual armchair, dropping into it with a heavy sigh, while you took a seat beside Natasha.

Natasha’s eyes darted between you and Dean, sensing the strain even if she didn’t know the guy. But she knew you, and she knew that the was you were biting your nails to the quick only meant you weren’t exactly relaxed. “Is that the hunter you told me about?” She asked quietly.

“One of the two.” You replied matching her tone. “Where’s Sam?” You asked Dean. He raised his green eyes from his phone, his expression as stern as before.

“At William’s house, he should be back soon.” He answered. His gaze shiftet to Natasha, his eyebrows shot up in surprise and a grin spread across his face. “Hello there.”

“Lunatic.” You mumbled under your breath.

Once Castiel and Bucky entered the house with Bucky looking rather confused, he took the empty spot on the couch beside you.

“Let’s get down to business.” Dean smacked his hand together and Cassandra straightened her posture, understanding that it was finally her turn to speak. “The patient you were treating at the hospital, tell us all you know.”

Cassandra took a deep breath before answering. “I don’t know who the guy was.” She started. “But I already knew at the time what my father did to people, and the malformations he had weren’t normal, so I immediately understood what was going on. I didn’t want any other person to find out so I demanded to treat the guy on my own, he was alive for about a week before he passed. He wasn’t able to tell me anything, he was more in a vegetative state.”

“Why did Malcom have his body in that sort of basement in the shed at his house?” Bucky inquired.

At Malcom’s name she rightfully flinched. But the reason she was so stiff, you figured, wasn’t entirely associated with the fact that she was being questioned. She wasn’t comfortable with Dean in the room, nor with Bucky or Castiel. But she had to speak, or else you’d get stuck in fucking Nebraska forever and she wouldn’t go back to her old life.

“Malcom was a part of Hydra. Not really an agent, he was too goddamn stupid for that, but he was hired to kidnap people for them. I don’t know why he stole the body from the cemetery since, as I said, the man was dead already. He was quite disturbed in case you didn’t notice.” She shrugged, avoiding anyone’s gaze.

“Where were you kept all this time?” You asked.

She cleared her throat. “They sedated me before locking me up in the facility, so I have no idea how far it was from here but I’m sure it was in the city. Malcom brought me there and he was also the one that freed me. I don’t know why he did that in the first place, but…” She trailed off. “Nothing he did really made sense.”

“We found some videos on his laptop. He was kidnapping women before he took you, and none of those women were sent to Hydra - apparently they’re all buried in his backyard and he used them to… practice on how to be good to you. But why did he brought you there only for saving you in the end? If saving is even the correct word to use.” Dean asked, firmly studying her expressions. He didn’t seem any calmer than before, as you could still feel the very much present tension in the air, but at least he wasn’t taking it out on her.

“I believe it isn’t.” Castiel shook his head. You wondered why this guy was even involved since he wasn’t really helping out - you didn’t know what angels were capable of, but fuck he had to have a role in this. He just was standing in the corner of the room, on Dean’s right, occasionally glaring at you.

Cassandra frowned at the angel’s word, not having a clue on who he was. Poor woman saw people walk in and out without an idea of what they were doing there, but she didn’t complain. “It’s not, even though I wasn’t really a prisoner in his house. He didn’t keep me locked in a room or anything, I was free to walk around the property freely… but that was just another kind of prison because he always watched me. I don’t know why he brought me back, though. I just know my father gave the order, imagine my shock when I found out those two knew each other. I’m sorry, that’s all I know.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” You reassured her.

“What did they do to you at the facility?” Bucky bluntly asked.

Cassie cleared her throat before she spoke. “I was kept in a cell at first, with other people. Then they moved me into another place who wasn’t any better than that hole due to my father’s orders.” You saw her eyes water, before continuing. “He made me watch the experiments they did, saying I had to stop crying about it and accept that it would be my duty to take his place after he retired. He said it was my fault for finding out what he was doing, and that I had to take my responsibilities.”

You had an idea or two on what watching that monstrosity did to your mental health. Watching people either die or suffer atrociously wasn’t a walk in the part for you when you were a kid even if you were used to it, let alone a woman who was catapulted in that hell from a day to another.

“Where’s Sawyer now, Cassandra?” Natasha asked, her voice firm yet soft. She wasn’t oblivious to what Hydra did either, of course.

Tears begun to fall from the blonde’s eyes, and she attempted her best to dry her cheeks. “I didn’t mean it.” She said, her voice not louder than a shaky breath.

You exchanged a frowning glance with Nat, and as you were about to ask what she meant by that, Dean beat you to it.

“You didn’t mean what?”

“We had a fight.” She started. “The day before Malcom kidnapped me again, we had a fight. I kept refusing to see his point of view on things, I told him I didn’t want to join Hydra and the horrific things they did… he… he tried to force me to inject that liquid in someone but instead… instead I injected him.” By the time she finished, she was straight up sobbing.

“The Wendigo in Mrs Miller’s house.” Dean realized.

“What?” Cassandra said, looking at you pleadingly. “No, no, you- there was a Wendigo in my mom’s house?” She started to panic straight away, putting two and two together. It made sense that the creature was Sawyer considering that he wasn’t a Hydra prisoner and he could get back home whenever he wanted.

“Cassie.”

“Tell me my mom is fine.” She looked at each person in the room, but neither of you had the guts to look back at her. How could you tell a daughter that her mother had probably been mauled by a monster, monster that could have been her own father that she helped transform.

“She is.” Castiel, who you swore had disappeared a few minutes ago, spoke calmly as usual. “She is on her piece of heaven right now, I made sure myself. But I am sorry for your loss.”

That was supposed to give her some closure with time, you believed, but in the meantime the girl completely broke down. You got up the couch to go in the kitchen, thinking that maybe she could use a glass of water. Sure, it wasn’t the kind of comfort she needed but it was all you could give her then, if there was even something right to say in that situation. Nothing would give her back her mother.

With a full glass of cold water you were ready to go back in the living room, but as you turned around you were startled by a tall figure who got behind you without you even noticing.

“I’m sorry for yesterday.” Bucky immediately said before you could leave. “I had good reasons, I promise.”

“I’m sure you had.” You replied, your tone dripping with sarcasm. “But now it’s not the time.” You tried to walk past him but his hand found your belly, and he stopped you on your tracks.

“Listen, I truly am sorry for how I acted but can you please, just for once, let me explain instead of giving me the cold shoulder for the whole day?” He said.

“You’re a master in cold… shouldering.” You huffed. “So don’t get pissed at me about it.”

Bucky’s eyes softened, and he took a step closer, lowering his voice. “I know, and you’re right to be angry. But please just hear me out one second.”

You paused, contemplating whether to shove him off and go back to Cassie or actually hearing what he had to say. But to be honest, you didn’t quite like the atmosphere between you two, so you nodded. “Make it quick.”

“First of all, it’s true I stormed out because of what Cassandra said. I cooled off immediately, and I was about to head back home when I realized I was closer to Mrs Miller’s house. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to go take a look, right?”

You raised an eyebrow at his words, still skeptical. Sam and Dean hadn’t found anything related to the case after the Wendigo escaped and, as far as you understood, the house was just a bloody mess. “What did you find?”

“The remnants of a spiritual ritual.” Bucky said. “I’ve done my homework on what Sam and Dean do, I even asked them directly and they explained how they usually did that… I’m sure it was a ritual. I think they summoned some sort of spirit in that house, but I can’t understand why. What’s really odd is that they didn’t mention any of this to us.”

You narrowed your eyes, processing what he said. This did nothing to put down the doubts you’ve been having on the brothers and why they kept on hiding things from the both of you. “And… how did you end up with Dalia?”

He sighed. “I met her on the way home. I didn’t mean for things to go that far, but she mentioned how she used to be Cassandra’s old friend and I took the opportunity. I even got Mrs Wright’s address and I had to play the cheating husband to have it, I apologize again for that but I promise I didn’t mean to be an asshole.”

“You had to sleep with her to get an address?”

“Sleep with her?” He sounded somewhat offended. “I told you I can keep it in my pants, Emma, I didn’t sleep with anyone. I just made her believe I would.”

“Oh.” You said. “When you put it like it kinda has sense.”

“We good?” Bucky asked, his eyes searching yours.

“Maybe next time don’t make me look like an idiot and text me what the plan is.” You replied with a hint of frustration in your voice. “I thought something bad had happened to you.”

“Fair enough.” He said. “You know, you’re cute when you’re angry.”

“Huh… guys?” Natasha interrupted, her face turning into a frown once she saw how close you were to Bucky. Under her gaze, you felt the need to put as much distance as you could between the two of you.

“Yes?”

“What?”

“Sam is back, he doesn’t have good news.” She said, gesturing for both of you to follow her back inside the living room.

Dean was the first person you saw once you walked in, and he had two fingers pressed on the bridge of his nose, seeming more frustrated than before. Cassie was still crying, and you doubted she would stop anytime soon. You walked over to her, handing her the glass of water - she thanked you with the tiniest smile for that.

“Sam?” Bucky called him. “What happened?”

“William is gone.” Sam broke the news. “I brought him back his brother’s phone since we had no use of it as everything on it was deleted and we said our goodbyes. I realized I forgot the fake badge inside and I came back to take it, but he was gone. Vanished in less than ten minutes.”

“And you did’t see anyone around?” You asked.

“No. No one broke in or out, there were no screams or anything. He just… disappeared.” Sam explained.

“Why the long faces?” A sudden voice made you all look up. In the corner of the room stood the man in black that had occupied your mind for longer that it should have in these hours. That smirk still very much present on his face. “Hello, boys.” He waved casually at the brothers.

“Crowley.” Castiel mumbled, sensing that something bad was probably going to happen.

Sam immediately reached for a strange knife with odd incisions on it that you had seen before, positioning himself defensively in front of you. The action left you speechless for a moment - first, Dean attacked you for the simple thought that you had met that man, now Sam tried to protect you for the same reason? It was as clear as a day that those three knew each other, and there was obviously some unresolved issues.

“Sammy.” The man, Crowley, said with irony as he rolled his eyes. With a casual flick of his wrist, the younger Winchester was hurled across the room, crashing into the wall. “I didn’t come here to fight, but you always want to kill me. Behave for a second.”

“You’re not welcome here.” Castiel spoke, his tone firm and unwavering.

“Castiel, you’re breaking my heart. But if I’m not mistaken, you were the ones who called me, weren’t you?” He pointed at the brothers and the angel, a sly smile playing on his lips. “And look who we have here, the Winter Soldier and the Black Widow. Quite the team, you are. Down there we used to root for you when you used to be interesting and killed people for a living.”

“What are you doing here?” Dean asked, his voice lacked of any patience.

“We had a deal.” The man shot back. “I gave you my help, and I got a bunch of flies in return. That’s not how it works.” His eyes then fell on you, and Bucky instinctively moved closer to your side. “I can’t believe you’re still waisting time with these losers.”

“Do you know him?” Bucky asked, his eyes firm on the problem in the room.

“No.” You replied confused. “I mean, he was the one that told me where to find you last night and that’s it.”

“My dear, you wound me.” He said, making the theatrical gesture of stabbing himself in the heart. “I believe I said much more than where to find him, didn’t I? I made you an offer.”

“What is he talking about?” Natasha shot a glare in your direction, as she stayed close to Cassie who didn’t even had the time to process the news of the death of her mother that an intruder magically appeared inside the living room. “Emma?”

You swallowed hard, having everyone’s eyes on you. “He knows things about my past. And he isn’t even bluffing if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“Of course he’s bluffing. He lies, Emma. That’s what he does.” Sam said, still with the knife in his hand but keeping his distance that time. “Now leave, we’ll pay you back with something else for your help later, after we solve the case.”

“Nah, don’t bother yourself.” He shrugged. “And I don’t lie, first of all. That’s quite offensive, don’t you think?” He raised a brow. “If anything, I have the bad habit of omitting important details.” Crowley defended himself, his voice smooth and confident. “Why don’t you tell her what you’ve been hiding, Dean? See if things can finally get interesting in this miserable story.” He challenged, taking a few steps closer to Dean.

“Dean?” You looked at him.

His jaw clenched, his eyes narrowing at the intruder. “I haven’t lied about anything.” He shot back, his voice full of irritation. But you had a feeling he wasn’t really telling the truth.

“Is that so?” The man said, shaking his head. “Funny, really, because I seem to recall a few little details you conveniently left out. Why don’t we start with the fact that you were sent here to kill her?”

Your head snapped so fast in Dean’s direction that you almost felt the bone break. For a moment you thought that you must have misheard him, because - come on, kill you? He didn’t have a reason to do that. But as you looked around at the silent people in the room, you saw that almost everyone shared your bewildered expression.

Everyone, except Sam and Castiel. They had been knowing all along, it was evident.

Your hand, for reasons you didn’t have time to process, sought some sort of physical contact with Bucky who was right by your side.

Dean’s expression hardened, but he remained silent. He didn’t try to save his ass with lame excuses or real explanation, which was the least he could do. His silence spoke volumes, confirming what the stranger had just said - killing you was what Dean Winchester was sent to do.

“Who ordered you to kill me?” You asked, managing to keep your voice steady and firm even though, inside, you didn’t even know what you were feeling.

Dean hesitated before giving you an answer. “Fury.”

[nyxdrabbles]

STARDEW VALLEY ELLIOT MERMAID THEORY

1. First Appearance

As it’s already known, Elliot lives in a little cabin on the beach and has long hair (unlike any of the other male villagers), which are common when it comes to writing a lot of mermaids type of characters.

In a lot of movies when it comes to creating mermaids / mermans, they always tend to have them written with long colorful hair just as Elliot has.

2. His Schedule

Whenever it rains, in Elliot’s schedule — unless it was changed in the recent Stardew update, he never really goes out and instead stays inside his cabin. Almost like he avoids getting wet.

So, perhaps if he ever did really go out during the rain, would some of his mermaid features (scales) be revealed if he ever did get wet?

3. His Connection

The closer you get to Elliot in relationship, the more open he is with you about himself. And when he does talk about himself, along with his childhood, he mentions his connection to the sea quite a lot.

Even reminiscing about his past, mentioning to you about how the sea reminds him so much of his youth, and impressed him a lot as a child.

Really, that could mean he just simply is so passionate about the sea itself and really cares for it, but with the amount of other information I’ve gotten from him — I really do think he could be a mermaid, who is giving it a shot at having a human life.

It’s not entirely impossible either, as during the Night Market, you could see an actual mermaid performing inside of the Mermaid Boat. And there are many more other mythical “creatures” in Stardew Valley like Krobus, Grandpa ( as a ghost ), Dwarf, etc.

Also, his liked / loved gifts are mostly things that are related to the sea and beach itself. Like lobster, shells, squid, crab cakes, etc etc. Except for sea cucumber.

4. Conclusion

A lot of my reasonings could be minor inconveniences / coincidences, but when it comes to the villagers, every single one of them almost has a backstory except for Elliot.

Like, we barely know much about him / his past besides the fact he enjoys the sea as company and really likes to write.

I don’t think in really any of his dialogue that he talks about his relationship with Leah, which I find a bit odd, since you would want to know who he’s close with amongst the villagers and he just never talks about it. Unless they are just simple drinking buddies who enjoy to dance with each other at the flower dance?

Is he friends with anyone besides Leah, or is he some sort of outcast for some reason? Does he feel like he’s too different from most of the other villagers and just never made the time to connect with any of them? How did he end up in Pelican Town?

Genuinely, I wanna know more about this man.

[sincerely-sofie]

Seeing as you have finished writing the script for your AU thingy, I wanna know, how?

Like, were you motivated the whole time? Or was it a on and off writing type thing?

i'm trying to write but I don't know if I have the motivation...

How did you keep the motivation if so?

Oh man. I have so much to say about writing and creativity that I could make an entire series of posts talking about the subject, but I'll try to keep things orderly and brief.

Disclaimer: I should let you know that I have never finished a writing project before recently finishing my TPiaG AU. Keep that in mind when reading the advice I offer— the tips I give have only been put into work in my own life over the course of the last couple of months, but they’ve proven very effective in my experience!

Sofie Creativity Tips Episode 1, go!!!

Was I motivated the whole time I was writing TPiaG / How did I stay motivated?

Absolutely not. If I hadn’t provided myself a detailed chapter-by-chapter outline for TPiaG before starting the writing process, I would have given up thanks to a mix of writer’s block and absent motivation. Motivation is a fickle muse and prone to ditching me for months on end, so I’ve adapted by trying not to rely on it, but also by creating new motivation rather than clinging to past motivation. I create motivation for myself in two ways: removing friction when writing and being my own fandom.

Removing friction is pretty simple— I create very detailed chapter outlines that remove any fear of writer’s block, set up my devices in a way to make it easy to access my manuscripts and notes, download premade writing playlists that have Pomodoro session break timers built into them, and more. Anything that makes the writing process easier to get into and enjoy doing, I make sure to incorporate into my life.

Being my own fandom is less intuitive, but a thousand times more rewarding in terms of motivation. I make memes of my characters. I write self-indulgent snippets on the side. I make AUs of my own work. I make playlists and save audio clips that suit the characters. I draw comics exploring concepts that might not get into the manuscript itself but that I want to make content for regardless. Basically, I dive in deep into the story, characters, and world, and try to do so with the enthusiasm that I give other people’s projects.

(That part is extra fun, because if I have a headcanon, it automatically becomes canon to whatever AU or original project I’m working on. I have all the power in the world when working like this, and it’s very fun.)

What changed and made it so I finished my first ever written project?

This isn’t exactly what was asked, but because I have eschewed motivation as the main driving force in my writing process, I figured I’d give another insight into how TPiaG went against the pattern of half-started and swiftly abandoned projects that came before it and actually got finished. Late into October, I adopted a new method of producing first drafts. Previously, I would spend weeks polishing the same chapter and would only move on to the next chapter once the current one was perfect. My new method is the complete opposite. I’ve started calling it Writing BFF:

Write bad

Write fast

Write fun

First up, write bad. The point of this is not to waste your time writing prettily during your first draft. Don’t bother agonizing over how to reword that one sentence to be more elegant when it does the job well enough to get its point across. Don’t go off on a 30-minute research tangent in the middle of a writing session because you want to fact-check that one detail and make sure it’s perfectly accurate when you could just put a placeholder detail in brackets and CTRL+F search and plug in something accurate later on. Don’t write pretty, write bad. And be okay with it. You can’t edit an empty page, so fill the page with as much garbage as possible so that you can turn it into gold later on.

Next, write fast. This is only effective when paired with writing bad. Don’t pause, don’t hesitate, don’t deliberate. Write as much as you can and do it as fast as you can. This idea is best illustrated by Chris Fox’s book 5,000 Words Per Hour, where he talks about increasing your WPM (words per minute) and how it makes everything about your writing better. The person who creates a beautiful first draft once every three years is doing okay, but the person who cranks out a complete manuscript every three months learns leagues more about writing than the first person does by the end of three years. The second person has practiced outlining, drafting, editing, publishing, and more with every manuscript completed. The faster you write, the better you get, because practice makes perfect and quantity begets quality.

Finally, write fun. I write what I enjoy, and if I’m not enjoying it, I pivot the project so that I enjoy it again. I like writing deeply personal stories, so pretty much everything I write is heavily based on my life and experiences— TPiaG included. Grovyle’s portrayal is deeply influenced by my experience being an elder sibling who has been a bad example of self-talk, and cleaned up my act because my younger sister started echoing how I spoke to myself. Dusknoir’s portrayal is informed by my experiences with being the therapist / mom friend in different social circles as well as attending actual formal therapy. Twig is the character that my experiences have the greatest influence on in her portrayal, and I joke about her being a self-insert, but ultimately all of the characters are self-inserts to some extent. I also enjoy low-stakes and slow slice-of-life stories that are driven by character growth. If I ever stop having fun with a project, I inject more of myself and my preferences into my work to get it back into my favor.

TL;DR / Writing advice lightning round

Write as badly as possible as quickly as possible, and have fun as you do it. Momentum yields motivation and stagnancy yields doubt. Editing comes only after the first draft is complete. Be your own fandom and your project’s biggest fan. Give yourself direction and ward against writer’s block by making detailed chapter-by-chapter outlines. Make the writing process as easy and enjoyable as possible. Motivation is a lie and if you chase after it instead of making your own, you’ll be writing on hard mode for the rest of your life. Reject perfectionism, embrace flawesomeness.

If I didn’t answer your question right, let me know! I’ll do my best to correct it.

[duskcowboy]

Y’all realize you can make your own Elain crackship weeks without harassing real people, right? Like you can do that and we’d leave you in peace to do it? You don’t have to target and harass a group of people who are just trying to find the tiniest minuscule of enjoyment in this f*cked up fandom? Making threats and creating a whole tag so that you can ridicule real people just trying to have fun. You’re preaching about fandom inclusivity and the “rules” for fun fandom events while harassing and bullying real people who were only trying to do a considerate thing for others in a fandom where that’s rare. Your collective outrage speaks volumes of your lack of empathy.

Elain week is about Elain and positivity of her character. Elain fans have had to put up with the most heinous, misogynistic, cruel hate for years and god forbid we want to have a week where we are able to celebrate her with positivity.

Again, you can create your own ship weeks since it’s apparent you only care about Elain in the context of ships. I can’t even believe a rule against domestic abusers has led to this, but how can I even be surprised at this point when this fandom just sucks the goodness out of everything and warps it into ugly, unnecessary drama for the sake of what? Likes? Laughs? The thrill you get from putting others down?

I barely even participate in this fandom anymore. I only really contribute during fandom appreciation events because it’s the only time when it’s supposed to be about positivity and most of the fandom understands to respect that and leave others alone during that time. But now even that is being stripped away. And again, for what? A fictional domestic abuser that I can’t even tell if you actually care about. It seems to me that the real problem you have is the simple fact you live off joining the mob mentality and cyber bullying. Cause you realize that’s what you’re doing right? You’re mass posting negative, mean, and spiteful messages towards people you don’t even know—going as far as making threats to take over the event to purposely attack those who want to enjoy Elain during her week.

Congratulations. You’ve achieved what, exactly? Right, nothing. It’s honestly no surprise that you’re the type of people who would go this far for characters the author herself said are “giant douchebags,” nevermind the fact the domestic abuse hotline was even provided at the end of the book. If I hadn’t already lost all respect for how this fandom behaves towards one another, I sure have now.

[flightlessangelwings]

Okay, I’m just going to preface this with the fact that I’m POC as well. I really, honestly , truly do not have an expectation of writers to “include” me in their fics, is it nice if they do? of course it is. But I come from a huge ethnic minority that is, at the same time, severely underrepresented in a lot of media. Here’s the thing, I would not appreciate it if someone hopped into my inbox and told me that I needed to be inclusive of white readers, I choose to make my reader an extension of myself, it would be dishonesty to write a reader that I couldn’t feel connected to. So the anons in your inbox are shitty, and racist, nobody is saying they aren’t.But it’s important to reflect on the flipside of it. I share my writing because of my own personal struggles, it’s a creative outlet for me. Just because certain creators are white and choose to code their readers as such, doesn’t mean they are racist or trying to be exclusive. I would be absolutely livid if someone told me I couldn’t write a desi character because not everyone is desi, and I think we should extend that to everyone. You seem nice and I don’t want this to come off as hate, but I’d like to give a different perspective on this topic. Yes it sucks that there aren’t more spaces of POC, but isn’t it up to us to create those spaces for ourselves? I do hope you can understand my view, and i’ll try understand yours.

First of all I don’t think you come across hateful with this message at all. And I do think it’s important to have open dialogues like this and respectfully share points of view. And hopefully my reply makes sense, it was a long day at work today and I’m tired lol

So, I actually agree with you on writing poc readers. I will always support poc writing reader characters from their point of view since we are so marginalized. I’ve even read poc readers who aren’t my background to support the writer and the story was very fun and interesting even if I wasn’t the target audience.

Side note: I think reading fics outside your target audience (like reading a poc reader) is good practice no matter your background. It broadens your horizons and opens your mind to other points of view!

I do think there is a difference between being “inclusive” of white readers and being inclusive of poc readers. It’s different when white is the assumed default. It’s different when whiteness is the majority. It’s different with poc representation is so severely lacking. To me that is two very different things.

And no group of people are a monolith either. What perfectly describes one person maybe the completely opposite for another, even within the same group. So no, one reader fic isn’t going to encapsulate every single person. But, I think it’s still important to keep the physical description as vague as possible and use warnings for anything else. And it’s the simple things too: not using blush, not running fingers through hair, not describing body type, etc. that’s more what poc readers are looking for I think, and it’s not a big ask either. And yeah poc can create that space, but it also shouldn’t be only on us to do so. White writers should be able to be vague on physically describing reader so that people who don’t look like them can enjoy and read their fics too. White people should be allies in this and we should all be working together to make sure as many people as possible can see themselves in reader fic and feel love and have that escapism.

[everydaydg]

Some thoughts on Mazinkaiser! (2001)

I was expecting a fun time and I sure got one.

Mazinkaiser is short 7 episode mecha OVA animated by Brain's Base (Well known for their works on Getter Robo, Natsume's Book of Friends, "Durarara!!" and so on) that is an absolute love letter to Go Nagai's work, bringing an beautifully animated thrill ride of a series.

Mazinkaiser is just... a joy to watch. Its not too deep, its not too complicated, its just... koji kabuto gets his ass beat and then finds a robot with the power to become a god or a demon. While I do enjoy when my mecha delves into deeper themes using the big robot as a narrative device... its fun seeing when the robot is just a big robot and just a simple simbol of hope.

Mazinkaiser doesnt really go too deep on the idea of becoming a god or demon thing as much as Mazinger Zero, and it doesnt really have to honestly, but the theme is kinda present.

So in a runtime of arround 210 minutes (This is just a rough estimate assuming that every episode is 30 minutes long, most hover arround the 25-27 minute mark so that number is pretty off), how does it fare? pretty damm well

Its really enjoyable, kinda episodic in a way. It doesnt really shoot for a sequencial story like that of "Change! Getter Robo!" but there are elements that carry over from one episode to the next.

It is mostly a monster of the week type of deal which is neato!

Ya get to see this big hulking robot defeat things with increasing stakes with some jawdropping animation.

I know saying Brain's Base animations are fantastic has a similar energy to saying water is wet but god damm it, Water IS wet

Its a treat to the eyes

Fantastic use of color, particularly black. Using strong shadows while not shying away from beautifully vibrant reds.

Its all fantastic. Heres a small clip of it in action.

Beautiful.

Another thing I have to give to Mazinkaiser is its great sense of scale on the robots.

The mechabeast are bigger than buildings, alot of damage is done to houses, hotels, towers and so on.

Mazinkaiser is often presented as this huge hulking beast of a robot and I LOVE IT! They give it great presence and an amazing silouhette that is often used to create some of the best shots of the OVA.

I might as well go ahead and talk about one of my favorite parts of the OVA while im at it... Mazinkaiser itself.

Absolutely striking design, Brain's Base did slight tweaks to its SRW F design in order to create this machine with a menacing presence, you can feel the power it has by the way it looks

and I feel the way its portrayed in the OVA itself is great! Working towards making it feel like an unbeatable beast in an exiting way that does not make the entire thing boring.

Lemme give a different example so you have an idea of what I mean.

Getter Robo. Most Getter OVAs portray the titular robot as a glass cannon that recieves mayor damage but can in turn dish out insane damage and that is very clearly seen in the multiple shots dedicated to the damaged robot. This often creates desperate scenes where the main characters have to fight in dire situacions as the machine is falling appart. This is quite engaging for the viewer as the result of the fights is often uncertain with this in mind.

Well Mazinkaiser goes ahead and showcases... a robot with no weaknesses

This in paper might create a boring experience where the viewer will always expect the invincible robot to win. Brain's Base had to walk a fine line of making the unbeatable robot beatable and unbeatable at the same time... yet they somehow did it... by not making the robot beatable

Koji being a human makes for some scenes where its not about the survival of the robot... but its pilot

and thats how they get the element of uncertainty and the exitement of the viewer.

The power of the robot is often too much to handle for him, the fact that a ship has to be inserted at the top of the machine to work leaves him vulnerable for prollonged periods of time, electric attacks get to the cockpit, Koji passes out in the damm robot like twice.

Koji being the only pilot for such a machine and him being so vulnerable adds stakes to everything and the OVA uses this idea to its fullest, presenting ordeals with Koji outside of Kaiser that are incredibly tense (the bike fight against the androids come to mind)

Sidenote: A smart choise that I apreciate is the fact that the only visible sign of mayor damage done to Kaiser is on the final battle. It makes the final beast even more threatening, setting the scene. "Oh god this thing can actually damage the robot, it even broke Koji's manual controls!"

I love it! its a great way to make the experience thrilling while not sacrificing the concept of a robot with no weaknesses

The story itself is not much to talk about. As I said, is as deep as Koji blowing up and getting a cool new robot. While it does have serious moments, its often lighthearted and hopeful with some great touches of comedy, mazinkaiser can be a really funny OVA some times... emphasis on sometimes, some jokes dont hit (Not a big fan of EP.4) but it has more hits than misses imo

Imo what trully makes the simple premise click is the characters.

Koji is such a fun guy to have as your protagonist, arrogant and passionate in the best way possible, very much inline with his other appearances in media.

Its an absolute joy seeing his chemistry with Boss and Sayaka! who are also an absolute joy here.

Boss, despite mostly being comic relief, is a great character! He is being a bit of an ass at times, you can genuinely tell he cares for his friends.

While yes I am not too happy about how much boss gets shit on at times... he does deserve it sometimes ngl and he does get a huge role in episode 6 which works as a bit of a redemption for him. (I absolutely love what they did with boss in ep.6)

Sayaka is a bit of the straightman of the group, keeping Kouji and Boss in check and giving them crap at times (for good reason most of the time).

Despite it, all that you can tell that she deeply cares for these two and wants to see them safe.

Confident and bold always wanting to help in battle, shes great

(also Its always fun seeing when Koji and Sayaka hang out as a couple, they are cute.)

The three have always had alot of chemistry together and Mazinkaiser does a good job with em

The background characters are also a joy! The scientists, Lori and Loru, Prof. Yumi, Mucha, Nuke, they are all great.

The whole thing goes to great lenghts to create a genuinely enjoyable cast of characters that are all brought to life by an incredible cast of voice actors

We have:

Hiroya Ishimaru who gave a great performance as Koji (This was his last role as the character and what a great way to go out on), Ai Uchikawa as Sayaka, Fumihiko Tachiki as Boss (Voice of Gendo Ikari from Evangelion), Haruko Kitahama and Hidekatsu Shibata as Baron Ashura and it goes on and on.

They all give a fantastic performance (ASHURA SPECIALLY LIKE GOD DAMM- THEY WENT OFF.

May you rest in peace Haruko)

Only complain here is that Tetsuya kinda just leaves for... most of the story which makes me sad, I wanted to see what they did with him but I understand how it would be hard to fit him in (specially without great mazinger)

Alright, lets move on to another aspect I quite enjoyed! The Soundtrack!

Kazuo Nobuta (Composer for Shin Getter Robo vs Neo Getter Robo and New Getter Robo) and JAM Project made the soundtrack for this and they went above and beyond for this!

Creating a score that perfectly compliments every scene... they did it again god damm it.

I became an absolute fan of their work after Shin vs Neo and my god... Mazinkaiser is right next to Shin vs Neo in terms of score and mayor themes.

Lets start with the Opening and Ending themes and then move on to the score

"FIRE WARS" is a FANTASTIC opening theme

I absolutely love the small period of time JAM Project had were they were leaning hard into rock, it lead to some killer songs. Id say Fire Wars is the poster child of this period.

"TORNADO"... fantastic ending theme, starting with a fantastic piano, then hitting you with a sudden rise followed up by a beautiful acoustic guitar... and then it hits ya with the drums and violins that go along with the hopeful lyrics.

Even if the future is uncertain, even if the night is ever restless, there is reason to fight on. Fight for those that you love.

With bonds as strong as steel, we will fly again. Spirit as strong as a Tornado.

The entire thing is amazing and it feeds into Mazinkaiser being a symbol of hope, emphasing Koji's endless fight for everything he loves.

Fantastic

While this isnt an OP or Ending theme... Its still necesary to bring up:

"THEME OF MAZINKAISER"

HooHOOO... this song is used as the backdrop to some of the best fights. What a wonderful theme

Ichiro was KILLING it in the studio for this soundtrack!!

They killed it with the three mayor themes!

And it just keeps going with the score!

Take a listen!

You can easly hear Nobuta's style come through in all of the mayor compositions.

Distress, Passion, Hope.

Perfectly encapsulating the feelings of each scene... even the goofy ones!

Its a total treat to the ears!

I could keep going and going on some aspects I thoroughly enjoyed but I think you get the idea.

My only mayor problem with it is the Episode 4 in leaning too hard on beach tropes and... well the escape scene... eghhhh I dunno

Maybe Getter Robo conditioned me into expecting great hand to hand combat (especially New Getter) so seeing Koji just use Sayaka- eghhhh thats a no for me chief.

If you know you know.

Anyway.

Mazinkaiser is another hit by Brain's Base! Creating a fantastic action OVA that pays respect to its source (Mazinger Z) by mainting good character writting and by creating greatly choreographed mecha fights.

A thrilling ride that any fan of mecha has to check out!

Trully amazing! I don't regret checking it out one bit

Not even gonna proof read this, its just a whole lotta hoey from me as per usual and its like 12 am in the morning lmao. Apologies if some things are hard to read, english aint my first language and I often go by how some words are pronounced instead of how they are actually written so some errors slip by. Thank you for reading.