#it still hurts to try and practice that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thorns-in-daisy-fields · 1 year

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"To be Honest" by Nelle Starling

#I don't think I'm here yet but it's kind of where I want to be #my therapist told me it's healthy to remember the good times when we grieve #even when it comes to relationships #it still hurts to try and practice that #man it's almost been a year already #sometimes it feels like it happened just the other day #don't mind me using Tumblr as a journal #it's therapeutic

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giantkillerjack · 1 year

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 months

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This was home.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #blood #Good bye Jiang Disciples. May you live on in the Lan Wangji in lotus pier AU.#This is going to be the start of a bunch of sad scenes I desperately try to undercut with humour.#You may ask where Elle Woods is considering her help was requested.#The canon answer is that she didn't make it there in time. This is the reason why WWX has the pink phone in present day.#It is a favour she owes him out of apology.#I am also making it canon that Jiang Cheng hates Elle Woods for not being there. His two Nemeses in PD-MDZS are Elle and WWX.#This is why Jiang Cheng doesn't have the phone. He would hunt her down but Bruiser bit him really bad last time he tried.#His pride is too hurt to try again.#I don't think I've done a wordless comic in a while - what a fun challenge!#I'm getting lots of practice with backgrounds in the last few comics - I really feel like I'm getting more comfortable with it!#Obviously I still have a long way to go but this is a journey B*)

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unhinged-nymph · 5 months

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Rhett and Link arriving to present at the 2024 Creative Arts Emmys

#and looking SO GOOD DOING IT!#look how sharp our boys look 🥹#and the pose !#rhett’s making some silly faces trying to pose lol but he still looks great #and the HAIR!#link’s scruff has made a return and love to see those frames #ugh they’re just so handsome it makes my heart hurt #I think that second one counts as a toe touch #I mean they’re practically falling into each other for christs sake #rhett and link #link neal #rhett mclaughlin #2024 creative arts emmys

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fisheito · 4 months

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my princess nonsense is being encouraged watch ouyt imabout to be eneaabled

OK WHATF ATHAT'S SO CUTE I HAD TO MAKE IT i know realistically there's little to no chance that rei DOESN'T know how to work heels 🤣 BUT IMAGINE.....ING.... YAKUMO GENTLY GUIDING REI IN HEELS, WEEKS BEFORE THE BIG GALA AND HAVING NONE OF HIS NORMAL FEAR OF PHYSICAL TOUCH BC HIS [TEACHER MODE] IS OVERRIDING HIS INSECURITY

#rei looking directly at the camera like why are you subjecting me to this. i do not need any of this. i know how to do it #rei wearing stilettos the size of your head so he becomes ur very tall bird goth gf #you know how yakumo gets when he instructs someone on how to cook something #he becomes confident and just tells ppl how to do stuff without his usual amount of stutter and secondguessing #i'm gonna pretend that after his stiletto training in misty vale he gains a TINY MOLECULE of confidence due to experience #like [i can help you if you've never done it before?]#honestly i can't imagine this scenario happening because i am so SURE that rei can walk in heels HAHAHA even tho nothing has proven that #SOMETHING COME PROVE ME WRONG SO MY DELUSIONS CAN SLIDE CLOSER TO POSSIBILITY #anyway even if rei didn't know how to wear heels #would he ever mention it? would yakumo ever learn of it?#rei would probably be all . i don't need to wear heels. they can't even see them under the dress. i'll wear my practical shoes #but if he can't get away with that and will be forced to wear heels at the party...#maybe he'll go [meh. i'll figure it out] and just not wear them until the day of the dance #at which point his feet will hurt after 20 minutes and for the whole night he takes any chance to sit down #rei can be frequently spotted on SOME surface SOMEWHERE in the palace. sitting all splayed out and uncaring of propriety #because he is in PAIN and these shoes are STUPID and why do people wear them for ANYTHING . Royals are so IMPRACTICAL #yakumo keeps trying to avoid heels for the dance because he doesn't want to be any taller than he already is #i bet there's a full convo about it between him and eiden #eiden trying to reassure him that if he wants to wear heels then he shouldn't let others' perception stop him from doing so #but if he genuinely doesn't want to wear them then that's ok too #eiden craning his neck up at yakumo in heels like you're my pretty princess 1-2 heads taller than me your height doesn't matter 🥰#i'm now torn. yakumo and rei both wearing heels now? in order to stay at similar heights?#or. rei starting out with heels. getting tired of them. going barefoot for the rest of the night lol #yakumo and rei still dancing in their ballgowns together but a much shorter rei leads a yakumo in heels #yes. yes this is the vision #yakurei #replies #nu carnival yakumo #nu carnival rei

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todayisafridaynight · 10 months

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pocket-square sized

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 3 #yakuza series #yakuza #yoshitaka mine #snap sketches #HIIIIIIIII my wrist still hurts #i WAS just gon watch nakai movies while i rested but i fear ive watched all the available ones with eng subs.. //screams//#my bro picked me up onea them neat wrist support gloves tho so the pain is significantly gone and i can move my fingers better now #ill still let it rest for another couple days but recovery times lookin optimistic :]#as for this doodle.... i tolds you i MUST draw despite the injury... its my duty...#also i finished a comm today and since i had some practice drawing one handed working on that i figured id try drawin somethin small #and since it been a while since drawn mine... teehee..#def wont be doin any comics any time soon or even more detailed stuff but this is cute nuff for now #lol this is the timeline if i worked on my rgg stickers long enough to get to y3 #since ive drawn mine tho ive been reminded.. i wont be able to go to animenyc this november :( too expensive for me this year #mabes ill go to animenext in like june or wait until next year to go to animenyc but </3 public dont get to see me mine cosplay </3 #mabes when my wrist gets better ill wear it for fun but anyway typing like this still sucks so byee !!!!!!!

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themadknightuniverse · 10 months

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Nachito for sunday traditional practice 🫶

#i very much try not to draw #my hand is still hurting even after 3 days :(#but i still very much need to draw #so i did this one with my non-dominant hand #double practice yaaaay #nacho varga #bcs #sketch #traditional art #pencil #practicing

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deoidesign · 2 months

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I love Time and Time Again!! It was genuinely interesting to see two characters talk things out. Of course they kept secrets, but they knew when to reveal them and that made me want to stick around and read it. Thankyou for making such a wonderful comic!!

Thank you so much!!!

This really means a lot to me <3

I think there's generally a tendency to believe that relationships can't be nice in a romance or the story will be boring.

I understand where this idea comes from, stories should have conflict! And, real world relationships have conflict, as well. They always will! It makes sense that most stories centered around relationships would, inevitably, at some point, have disagreements, fights, anger...

I get why others enjoy it, its messy it's fun it's drama! but for me personally it just stresses me out since I've done so much work to NOT be like that!

As a writer, when presented with two people who are reasonably at odds with eachother, where neither of them is in the wrong per se, but someone still ends up hurt... it's a fun challenge to write them working through it in a believable way. it's a fun challenge, too, to put them into situations that feel equal and human.

I just think it's a necessary thing for who I am as a person to write relationships the way I do, and so I'm just very very very glad that other people resonate with it as well!

It means a lot. Thank you.

#me trying not to ramble on for paragraphs impossible challenge #asks #anon #I always love to talk about how uhhh #the perceptions we have of how relationships should be displayed #idk I dont think that theres any one way to do it #those relationships where people dont communicate and they fight all the time...#those happen. they happen all the time irl.#of course they would be reflected in fiction constantly!#but just for me personally #after YEARS and years and years of working on myself so I dont do that #I pause. think the best of my partner before jumping to conclusions.#take the moment to ask him hey #has anything been bothering you lately? things have been good but I want to be sure there's not little things I've done to hurt you #and i listen when hes telling me that yes. it did bother him when I made that joke the other day actually #and to learn to be patient #and not cry immediately #and listen #and ask instead of assuming #and always think the best thoughts first or whatever #its done me a world of good #and I dont think it is healthy for me personally as a person to write an unhealthy relationship with poor communication #because I get uhm... extremely invested in my writing...#in the way that it very much helps me learn about myself and practice habits.#cause obviously I still fail. of course I will #and I just would like to get as much practice as I can #of being better #for me and for him #and for all my friends

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wormshirt · 3 months

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Thirteen and yasmin are insane because watching the show it feels like the doctor is genuinely incapable on some level of truly loving yasmin- even to the extent that she fell in love with previous companions.

Hear me out, (this is a bit of a crackpot theory) something about this regeneration, something in the way she seems to be built as a direct reaction to twelve's late-season unabashed emotionally vulnerability- the way he held onto the pain and emotions and held on HARDER when they hurt, and now thirteen wont even pick them up.

Somewhere in those few seconds of regeneration, the regeneration itself must have latched onto the previous doctor's lingering thoughts- all those thoughts, a whole lifetime thinking about how much everything HURT- of much EASIER it would be to just AVOID all of that to just IGNORE it how he didn't HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THAT. But regeneration is a bit of a tricky process isn't it? You're usually lucky enough to get the right amount of arms and legs. You'd probably have pretty poor luck if you tried politely explaining"I'm just kind of grieving pretty hard right now and my life sucks ass usually and my desire to not suffer and irrationally blame my emotions themselves for this is actually a pretty common response so please don't overreact and make me incapable of proper emotional expression and connection with the people in my life please that'll actually make this WORSE not BETTER." I mean seriously good luck trying to explain those concepts to splitting timelord cells, I can't imagine they're great with conversation.

So the twelth Doctor's dying and one of his last thoughts is "man if I cared about people less I'd suffer less" and the thirteenth doctor is born (in a sense) woth that thought at the forefront. And she still cares!- so, SO much, but... it's.. different. It's not quite CLICKING. anymore. Things that WERE easy or at least DOABLE before just AREN'T now. Or at the very least they feel WRONG. Like walking around in someone else's shoes. In an old coat that doesn't quite fit. In an old face. And then the universe dumps the doctor right into the lap of 3 new companions with no clue about space or aliens or the doctor or any of that. No idea of what the doctor was like before- of what she is capable of now or WAS capable of before, and she doesn't tell them either.

And so she's walking around and she's keeping this ravine of distance between herself and everyone and everything in a way she never has before and there's no one there to call her out on it, but she pretends! She pretends it's not there! And she's really, REALLY good at it this time- maybe because twelve regretted not being better at it himself, even (but that's a different thought). And sure the companions call her out on it, yasmin in particular calls her out on it A LOT, Ryan, too- but they still don't realise the EXTENT to which the Doctor is (failing? refusing?) to connect with them because they have ONLY EVER met THIS DOCTOR and so they don't realise how drastic the difference is. They lack the proper knowledge to REALISE what is even truly going on with the doctor. But the doctor is still the doctor aren't they. And these are still their companions. And frankly, they're still kind of a dick.

So despite their sudden inability to connect with their companions on a level the doctor has never experienced before, and despite these new companions personalities being so unique and their journey with the doctor being so hectic that the doctor and all of them keep chafing and slipping out of the same old Doctor-And-Companion molds that the doctor keeps trying to shove them all into, the doctor wont stop trying to make these old molds fit! And honestly that never ends up being a huge problem for any of them. It's just kind of an interesting aspect of the doctor- a fascinating way that they sort of dehumanize their friends, by just plopping them in a mold and replacing them when they wear out. Because of course you still care for them! But by giving them a ROLE in your life that can just be REPLACED as opposed to letting them exist as a PERSON in your life once they're gone? That makes things easier. That makes the grief easier to bear.

ANYWAYS. back to the yasmin thing. If you remember the Yasmin thing. So. Yasmin falls in love. Of course she does. And the doctor notices. Of course she does. She's old and more people have been messing with her head than usual but she's good with noticing things no matter what else changes about her. And she doesn't say anything. Because she's a timelord! And Yasmin will die, or fall in love with someone else, or turn into a cyberman, or experience one of the infinite possibilities of horrors or wonders in all of time and space that will tear them apart and the doctor will be left alone again, so what's even the point!

Except then Ryan and Graham leave. And then the Timeless Child arc happens. And it wouldn't hurt to feed into it a little would it? Just to keep Yasmin around? Just to keep her from leaving? It wouldn't hurt right? I mean Thirteen could love Yas! She does! Of course she does! Yas is her fam! Her companion! The only one who's stuck with her through it all!- who keeps calling her out, coming back for her, saving her, taking care of her, helping her- and she's grateful! And she cares about Yas! That's not so different from love, right? And love would make Yas stay! And it'd be easy! It'd take what?- a date? Two? Probably! Humans like dates! And romance! And flirting! She can do those! In all honestly she HAS been doing those- (She gets incredibly posessive of anything that becomes part of her tardis, her world, her home, and well, yasmin has been there a long time. And flirting is fun! And a sort of socially acceptable way of staking a claim isn't it? Not to mention the doctor isn't great at denying themself anything that gets another being to feed their ego.) So she leads Yas on a little. Drops hints here and there. She doesn't really know if she means them or not but she knows that she wants Yasmin to stay, that she can't even imagine Yasmin leaving. And that's love right? Or close enough anyways.

So she decides that she loves Yasmin and that she and Yasmin are "together" in a way and decides not to question it further. Because she's placed yasmin in a new companion mold and herself in a new doctor-companion relationship model, and everything's as it should be! and yasmin has no other point of reference for the doctor, so she settles for what she's given. Decides "this is all she can give. She abandoned Ace and Tegan seemingly without a second thought and didn't even apologize- I guess this is how it's always been, with every companion. That's fine! I can handle this! It's worth it for her." And in the meantime The Doctor is sitting there on the other side of the console fully aware of the fact that this is in fact NOT the limits of her affection, but she's HAPPY, or at least as happy as she will allow herself to be with Yasmin.

Yasmin though. Yasmin WANTS more, she DESERVES more and Thirteen KNOWS this, but Thirteen puts her own desire to both keep Yasmin at a distance and avoid desciphering her own feelings above Yasmin. Eventually, Dan calls the doctor out on this. Pretty much just telling her "You KNOW that she likes you. Do SOMETHING about it." The doctor doesn't say anything but does, in a later episode, sit down on a beach and make a wish with Yasmin. "I wish this would go on forever" both meaning she hopes yasmin stays with her forever and that their relationship never progresses. She has everything she needs from yas- which, for the doctor who with previously loves (i am intentionally NOT specifying romantic interests) became OBSESSED with them to the point of not just self-destruction, but universe destruction? Potential INTER-universal destruction in the case of Rose? How could THAT doctor- because YES this is a DIFFERENT DOCTOR, but this is still THE DOCTOR- ever be satisfied with the disconnected relationship she has with Yasmin if she was in love with Yasmin? If she felt THAT WAY about Yasmin? Like she had for all those comapnions that had come before Yasmin that The Doctor had fallen in love with?

#While all of the doctor's previous relationships DID have hard limits and boundaries #that hurt and limited the relationship and companions in a way that resembled thirteen and yasmin's relationship #at the end of the day thirteen and yasmin still felt like strangers when they parted on screen #at least from the perspective of the viewer #And that too- THE DOCTOR LET YASMIN GO #like yeah the doctor has let companions go before #but they have always had to have been PRACTICALLY RIPPED AWAY from the doctor first #The doctordonna killing donna. Rose Tyler trapped in another universe burning up a sun to say goodbye #and then 10 leaving himself with her because he thought it'd be kinder to give her a life with him (however she felt about that).#Clara. nearly tearing up the universe getting yelled at by Me AND Clara and then having a memory-wiping device backfire on him #And The Doctor just let Yasmin go.#okay.#doctor who #dw #thirteenth doctor #yasmin khan #also I get kind of annoyed when people try to paint 13 as not being the huge asshole to yasmin that she was in their dynamic #because she WAS a DICK #she LED YASMIN ON and she KNEW IT #and that's MY FAVORITE CHARACTER FLAW OF HERS #IS THAT SHE'S A SELFISH ASSHOLE WHO PUTS HER COMFORT #AND EMOTIONAL AVOIDANCE ABOVE THE FEELINGA ND SOMETIMES LIVES OF LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE #they just wont allow women to suck. let her suck. she sucks. she's an asshole. let her be an asshole.#twelve was not out there on screen every episode vaping fat clouds and flipping off everyone for you to decide #that 13 was the second coming of the eleventh doctor and a present hand-delivered to you by chibnall #to woobify the doctor again #twelve was all hard edges and rusty nails that were TRYING to giving you tetanus.#that did not get flushed down the drain with thirteen. she just put a blanket over it and asked you to ignore it #and kicked it every time it made a weird noise #also twelve was totally vaping and flipping people off onscreen and she also said FUCK too you can trust me I was there I promise.

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stinkrascal · 3 months

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hi jaiden. i read your ask and im very sorry about your loss, i've decided to spread some positivity. you are an incredible writer and as much as you cringe at your older posts i find myself rereading it every now and then. its kind of crazy how i'm quite young, and i've been growing up with reading breanna's story - yet i haven't lost interest. there is something so aesthetic about your standstill posts, i dont know if its the colors or the dust, but its so pleasing to the eye. literally everyday after my work i go and i check if standstill has gotten an update. the way your dialogue is written is so natural. like it doesn't feel like this fake poetic or overly descriptive, it sounds like natural realistic dialogue. and ive also been reading your character bios and in my language there's a word called härlig, thats the only way i can describe the little bios. for it being a sim story, its so incredibly clever and i can tell you put effort into it. the poses are always fitting. and your game doesnt even look like sims. i hope you realize that we will always enjoy your story even if it would be with low graphics or vlad would be a 8x8 pixel. so dont ever shy away from taking a break, because u really deserve to take a break. there is so much i could say about standstill,, but i wont for the sake of it already being quite lengthy! i hope your healing, and i hope that you can accept some positivity into your life. <3

wow okay hello anon... i won't lie, this made me cry a lot ;-;. i've been really struggling lately with intense anxiety and honestly just feeling really shitty ha. reading this means so much to me, more than you will ever know. it's silly ik but i put my heart and my soul into my sims, it can be a little embarrassing bc they're literally just sims and here i am pouring every piece of me into them like they're my diary, taking it so seriously. but like........ i do take it seriously.......embarrassed as i am to admit it..... i love them so much. so reading something as kind and reassuring as this makes me feel really appreciated. thank you for your kindness, it's more appreciated than you will ever realize

#jade answers #Anonymous #my grandpa was old. he suffered w dementia it was honestly his time #but his death has brought up stuff within my family that's been difficult to grapple with. it feels like i'm mourning the death of both #my grandpa and my parents. even though they're still alive it will never be the same #i wouldn't want it even if things did stay the same. ig in a way i'm mourning myself too. i'll never be the person i was before #i'm grateful i have my new family with my amazing partner but it hurts to know i can't have that w my birth family i'll never have that #this is silly but like......putting those feelings on vlad and brie has saved my life. ok. lol #they were like me... their family hurt them in unspeakable ways and then they were adults without a family at all...#but through it all through the dysfunction and trauma they made their own family....... they survived and i will too #having emotions is cringe you guys<3 #im gonna be really embarrassed about this in a few hours but im trying to practice this thing where i dont bottle stuff up so its ok #being embarrassed just means i care.......and theres nothing wrong with caring........i say thru gritted teeth

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itspileofgoodthings · 4 months

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#sometimes I KNOW the number of people I have wounded by unfollowing and I hate that tumblr makes it so easy to tell now #but I simply have an unhappy and prickly brain #and I have gone from feeling soooo bad about unfollowing anyone to just recognizing that I just had to be practical about how I needed #my dash to be #but like. It’s never because I hate you. Sometimes it’s because you’re TOO interesting or you blog too much like me #Or it’s just more discourse than I can take in at any one sitting #and I’ll still stop by your page to stop in when I see you in my notes #but also. it just kind of kills me because I know that it causes hurt sometimes no matter what I say!#and like. making a post like this might make it WORSE #anyway idk why but I was reminded of this yesterday when this former student asked me wistfully if I remembered her #and I was like of course! and she was like but you have so many students …#and it’s true. impossible to make them all FEEL equally seen even though i try #I am NOT comparing you to students just saying tumblr is like teaching in that it brings you into contact with many people #and the sheer number means you can’t stay close with them all #Anyway see what I mean by the chattering

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truegoist · 5 months

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ok so theoretically speaking could u get a nose job by breaking ur nose and then making it heal a certain way

#Bc like the bones and cartilage and shit in ur nose are very sensitive right #Breaking ur nose is pretty easy #So let’s say u have a broken nose couldn’t u reshape it by yk bandaging or smth in the “right way”#Not trying to do this btw I like my nose the way it id #But I broke it a few too many times and even so it still hasn’t lost its normal shape much?? A bit crooked maybe #But still don’t have the classical broken look to it yk #Which made me think maybe I’m doing smth to it do it doesn’t look too bad so I thought maybe if I broke it and idk twisted it it would look #Different and if this would got called a diy nose job and if it was a nose job at all and if it was could u even do it #And could u like twist it up to get a button nose or smth??#Practically probably not bc it would hurt a lot but think of it as the biting fingers r as easy as biting carrots thing #Maybe u can do it but brain won’t allow u to #I AM (not) A ROBOT

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arihi · 1 year

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On my bullshit again but I still maintain the (once again very bastardized and westernized) idea of ‘healing’ a la “you don’t owe anything to anyone” and “cutting people off is maintaining healthy boundaries” is a brain rot and people are so caught up in their moral superiority of [have had a single thought of introspection at least once] they don’t realize how black and white and inconsistent these ideals are

#again it’s like debating the concept of something instead of the something #people far removed from the messiness of actual relationships theorizing on impossible perfect practices and states #or alternatively people terrified of that messiness and trying to use a universal rubric #not to get too weirdly deep into this but like #what a weird carceral mentality to have!!!#like relationships and social interactions are measurable #sorry this does tie back into EEAAO bullshit hahaha #but seeing people call it JUST a feel good movie tells me our values might not align #is it a feel good movie because they dared to try to be hopeful about a continued relationship?#what was the ‘right’ ending then? Evelyn is never allowed to interact with her daughter again? Is that the ‘fair’ end state #how heartless!!#and I do say this as a daughter from an abusive household and specifically dicey relationship with their mother #Evelyn chose her and Joy chose her back and they’re trying to make a messy hurtful relationship hurt one another a little less #Evelyn isn’t ‘rewarded’ by a continued relationship with Joy #the entire movie was about them communicating their mutual desire to try and understand each other #and in the end they still don’t really not fully #but they’ve committed to try #Evelyn was shit about Joy and that is a fact and it’s something she continually faces over the movie #does that mean she’s never allowed to try to reconcile #it wasn’t ‘my generational trauma excuses my behavior towards my daughter’#it was ‘i have been faced with the hurt I’ve inflicted on my daughter and holy shit I’m also a broken person’#I felt like the movie showed Evelyn trying to reconcile but also giving Joy that option to not take it. As would be her right #but she does take it. Because she ripped apart universes to try and find a mother that would understand her #and despite the entire many worlds she still wants that #even if it hurts the both of them and it makes them feel like even smaller pieces of shit #because in the end they would rather experience those short happy moments with each other than without #and I think EEAAO is a great movie about the messiness of these relationships #anyway I can’t put a FULL media analysis in the tags and I’ve already tagged enough lol #but I will literally never run out of things to say about it #I tried to type more but Tumblr said you get 30 tags and then you need to shut up lol

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angryborzois · 11 days

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uwwfhvh mornings

#my throat needs some help #the whole entire thing hurts like the sides and all #like if i simply open my mouth to yawn im in agonizing pain #and it hurts to swallow #and my cough is still here #i cant breathe dude #unfortunately i think tennis practice is mandatory today 😭#but ill try to negotiate if i can sit out conditioning #because i physically cant #anyways my voice in the mornings though 😭😭😭 (i dont have a voice in the mornings)#also hoping i dont throw up bc one time i was sick and i vomited from coughing too hard

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candied-cae · 8 months

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Ed's newfound naiveté as a recurrent theme is so special to me actually.

Ed is smart. He's so smart. He is so incredibly intelligent that he's regarded at "History's Greatest Tactician" by Pete minutes into his on-screen appearance. He displays an almost causal competence with being able to plan and plot a course based on his working memory of moon cycles, weather patterns, ocean currents, and known sailing routes.

He is really brilliant and it's exemplified in so many different ways. He should be planning moves that branch from 5 different results in 10 different directions to make sure he can get ahead of anything. Those are the skills he's had to sharpen to survive on the water as long as he has.

But, after meeting Stede, someone without ulterior motives or plans to hurt him, he stops looking for them. He stops suspecting everyone around him is watching to catch him off-guard. And it makes every betrayal hit him harder. The passive aggression of the rich folks at the party, the intentional steps taken by Izzy, Calico Jack's scheme, and even himself disguised as Hornigold from his memories, it all surprises him.

And especially in the cases of his Mate Calico Jack and Captain Benjamin Hornigold - these are people he should know aren't coming to him earnestly. He should know they always have a card up their sleeves and they're always watching out for number 1. He should be able to remain suspicious of them, working out the usual 10 steps ahead of wherever he is to prepare for whatever he could possibly do to make sure he survives.

And yet, he was caught by surprise both times.

And it results in some ridicule. Because "Blackbeard" doesn't make these beginner mistakes. He's better than this.

But Stede turned his whole world upside down, and he's started seeming optimistic. He started believe the best in people and trusting them after a single show of effort. He started thinking maybe his dreams weren't so impossible and maybe there were less people to be scared of than he originally thought.

Even when he was scorned (leaving The Revenge to go off with Jack - being abandoned by Stede in S1) he still hasn't put up all his walls again. He's definitely tried, that's why he "became the Kraken" but he's not as closed off as he thinks he is. He thinks he's hardened himself back up, he thinks he's impenetrable because he's ready to die and "stopped believing in love," he thinks he's back to business and back to who he was before Stede Bonnet ever happened to him...

But we still haven't actually seen it go away.

He's still somewhat expecting people to be genuine and honest with him. At the very least he's expecting the people who hate him to just say so.

And that's so, so, so special to me. His life before Stede Bonnet was full of him expecting the worst and finding whatever scrappy way he had to spin it to his advantage to keep moving forward. But since meeting him... he's started messing up that formula. He's been trusting too much.

That joy and belief hasn't died yet. I'm sure as he wakes up, he's going to act like he's got it all figured out again. He's going to act like his defenses can't be breached, but I believe that he's going to keep trusting too much for his own good. And here's to hoping that trust lands back in Stede's lap soon <3