#it took me way too long to finish it bc i lost motivation

[still-scribblin]

Please, Please, Please

i just followed where the story took me, it was a few hundred words when i realized there was no smut in the books for this one????? none for now anyway and!! this doesn't seem directly derived from the song the longer i wrote but duhfaiuhdfjnldjfb whatever - also just posting this as soon as i finish so i don't have time to second guess or be shy so there are probably mistakes somewhere here isdbfhs

tags: inspired by a song, rlly mild angst at first but it's all good, reader-centric, 'Reese' is a nickname, if you read the whole thing here you'll get where it came from lmao

written for @stargazingfangirl18 's birthday! 🥳

hey siri! happy birthday! i'm one of your readers and i think it’s so cool that you hosted an event for writing for your birthday. it’s always a treat reading the stories you’ve written (and even the ones you’ve reblogged) when they come up on my dash and you’re one of the first cevans writers i’ve come across that just got me hooked on him and made me appreciate the different characters he’s played in his career! also one of the writers that probably influenced me to try writing for cevans characters too hihi. anyway i hope you have a great birthday here on tumblr and irl with your loved ones and closest friends, and i hope writing keeps you happy and that you share more of those happiness with the community here on tumblr. happy birthday!!! 🎈🎁🎊

i’ve been meaning to write for ransom using this song so i’m glad i got to use this event as a motivator for that. i chose to write for ransom first because he’s usually who i’m reminded of when i look at your blog (probably bc of the icon?) anywayyy yea :)))

wc: 1,269

-------

“Are you ashamed of me?” 

“Wha- no! Never! You know I’m so proud of you, right?” 

“I mean I understand you know,” he said bitterly, ripping your heart to shreds. “I wouldn’t want to be seen with me either.” It took a long time for him to be alright after realizing what he’d done, it took even longer for him to regain his confidence and show his true, lovely, colors after all that. Now it seems like all of that progress will be set back all because you’d lost the ability to speak.

“It’s not that at all Ran, I promise.” 

“Really? Because I heard you threatening to pull your sister’s hair until she went bald when we ran into her at the supermarket if she said anything about us.” you couldn’t breathe. he heard that? “I didn’t even know you were capable of saying violent things. It was a nice change, definitely made you hotter.” somehow you knew he meant it even if he was avoiding your eyes this time around, trying to keep the hurt off of his face. 

“Please believe me when I say I’m not ashamed. Of you, or us, or anything you’ve done and been through. It’s a problem with me, I swear.” your heart hurt at the disbelieving look he gave you. 

“You’re a saint, why would it be a problem with you? Just be honest with me, Reese. I’m a grown man, I can take it.” You hugged his head to your chest, combed his hair with your fingers, and choked on your tears. Words that you couldn’t say tripping over each other, suddenly in a rush to be spoken when they’d been stuck in your throat for days. It wasn’t his fault that this meeting would be doomed to fail, and something inside you would die if you let him go back to the driver’s seat believing that you saw him as anything less than the man he was, the most loving partner you’d ever had. 

You didn’t even realize your position had changed until you inhaled a mouthful of the fibers of his sweater. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you shrugged. The sigh he’d let out at least let you know he’s okay and out of the self-deprecating hole he’d dug himself into while he waited for you to speak. 

“It’s going to be okay.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Maybe, but I have high hopes. You’ve always spoken so highly of your family, and if you’re right about them then maybe they’d give me a chance, just like you did.” the way he looked straight into your eyes with unshakeable faith stole the breath from your lungs, and that was that. you didn’t know what you did to deserve him. 

Whatever happens, you were content knowing that Ransom knew where you were coming from, and that whatever anyone would say, you didn’t think of him any less. You steeled yourself as you both got back out front, the ride still quiet but definitely more comfortable as you felt the weight of your intertwined hands on your lap. 

“Well that wasn’t so bad. What were you so nervous for?” staring at the ceiling of your childhood bedroom, squeezed against Ransom’s body and the wall beside your twin-sized bed, you’d barely heard what he said, feeling so snug and comfortable at finally being able to relax now that all’s said and done. You didn’t even know you lost sleep over it. 

“Hey.” Ransom poked your cheek. He laughed as you groaned and buried your face in his chest. 

“I don’t even know.” you exhaled, watching his chest rise and fall calmly. 

For once in your life you were happy to be proven wrong. You’d thought that it would be a disaster of an afternoon, but your sister – godbless her blabbering mouth – had already told the whole family about Ransom, and about how she saw you two goofing off in the supermarket that day before approaching you two. The family had already known apparently, and were just happy that you found someone who wouldn’t take you for granted, regardless of their past. 

Tears stung at your eyes at the idea of Ransom staying, not because he needed anything from you, but just because he wanted to. 

“Come on,” you felt him grumble. “get out of that pretty head and come into bed with me. you already left me to fend for myself the whole afternoon.” he complained. 

“Do I have to fuck your soul back into your body?” that got your attention. 

“What?”

“What?” you could only watch, incredulous, as Ransom palmed his growing hard-on and proceeded to position himself between your legs with a mischievous grin. “I’ve been thinking of this since you told me we were visiting.” at your blank look, he sighed.

“Fucking you in your childhood bedroom, of course.” he snorted as you suddenly sat up and began hitting his arm out of embarrasment. seriously, where was the filter on this man’s mouth? 

Apparently having had enough of games, you soon found yourself unable to move, hands pinned by one of his own above your head, your view taken up by Ransom furrowing his brows as he took his pants off with only one hand. 

“Are you serious?” 

“Yep.” he said, insufferable. You could only watch as he made a show of sucking on his particularly placed middle finger — the eyeroll you gave him only widened his stupid grin — and pressed said finger in the middle of your panties, tracing your slit over the cloth and breaking your unimpressed stare that he wasn’t buying. 

“You’re such a worrywart,” Ransom said as he slid a thick finger into you, the gusset of your underwear pushed to the side, his eyes never leaving yours. “but I shouldn’t complain, that is how we finally got to talking, after all.”

The hand holding yours slid down to push your thighs further apart. The mental image of what you must look like, inside your family home, with only the four thin walls of your bedroom to keep your dignity intact sparked a fresh wave of arousal over you. Ransom, who had always been attentive, raised a curious eyebrow at the subtle twitch of your body. “you like this, don’t you?” 

you refused to answer the accusation, refused to watch his infuriating smirk grow, but you should have known that would never fly with him. you squeaked as you felt a firm slap on your clit. 

“answer me.” 

“...yes” you whispered. you closed your eyes as he began chuckling, muttering to himself about how ‘he knew it’. One thing you’d learned about Ransom was that the guy loved to talk. The only time he ever shut up was when you sat on his face, because even asleep he liked to mutter random things, like book quotes or threats to family members that were nowhere near him, thankfully. 

the sound of footsteps nearing your bedroom had you looking back at him, panicked. Ransom on the other hand, seemed excited, going by the way his eyes lit up. 

“hey!” your sister knocked. “movie starts in 10 minutes so if you two aren’t down by that time I’m busting this door open even if I have to do it blindfolded!” 

“kinky!” Ransom replied. The loud thump of your fist against his shoulder was drowned out by your sister’s laughter. 

“fuck you!” you whispered, unbelievably embarrased. 

“that’s exactly what I’m trying to do.” Ransom says matter-of-factly, his face speaking of the herculean challenges you’re no doubt going to have to endure for the next 9 and a half minutes.

[xieliancore]

au in which he xuan actually ascended as a civil god(dess) heavily associate with the sea!

[spicyveggiesub]

Revue Starlight The Movie Veggie Sub V2/WIDESCREEN

Hello! I subbed the Revue Starlight movie back in December (the one that has color coded dialogue) - this is my first post because I was too much of a coward to make an account anywhere then.

To put it simply, I was not satisfied with my original work, which had mistakes from mishearing and also just misinterpreting things. It was rushed for various reasons, and I really regret not being more patient with it. I don’t think the mistranslations impact any plot points of the movie, it’s really more in the specifics, but I misrepresented some things I consider to be important, and for that I am truly very sorry.

After not touching it for 2 months and then working on it in all of my spare time for the past month, I finally!!!! finished the revised version and a widescreen version, since I had originally done it letterboxed. I think the widescreen version is actually more readable, so that’s one more thing to bonk my past self on the head for, but the letterboxed version has its merits too. They can be found on nyaa and anidex like before, and to make sure this appears in the tag, I’ll add links in a reblog!

Now I’m going to ramble a lot about the fixes I made and translation decisions and other things under the cut... it’s going to read like half a callout for myself and half a defense, and half just fun rambling about translation (yes that’s 3 halves) so do with that what you will...!

This is going to be unnecessarily long - so long, in fact, that I am going to divide it into parts. You may be thinking "I don't wanna read all that" so a tldr for you if you are: 

1. major changes: 

revue of malice -> revue of resentment, fixed lines in futakao conversation towards the end of the revue

a line the giraffe says that is directed to the audience but I misinterpreted

Nana’s line about feeling drunk: sake -> alcohol (this was just stupid of me)

revue of souls -> revue of the soul (yes the the is ugly but necessary)

2. minor changes: really nitpicky stuff and obsessing too much over timing, typesetting

3. this took so long because I actually just fully stopped working on it for 2 months, I had like 0 time due to work and had no motivation, i overshare about the process

okay, time for the longer explanation!!! you don’t have to read this but if you want to witness someone be a little insane then have fun (also, warning for spoilers)!! we’re dropping capitalization now! i know nobody asked for this, but i have to talk a lot about this bc i haven't, really, to anyone. and i think it's kind of fun

first off i want to say... i’m not a professional translator (as of right now at least, who knows  this might change in the future, though maybe not for japanese) i’ve never taken translation courses and i’ve only taken like one creative writing course in my life. but i really enjoy linguistics and translating and am always, but especially after subbing this movie, trying to improve myself. generally my principle for translating things is that. Words are just words. personally i think that as long as something makes an equal amount of sense in the target language then all of the information in the source language should be retained as much as possible. of course, with english and japanese being so different, it’s difficult to stick to this. anyway i’m already going off topic, mainly i wanted to say my goal is always to present what MY understanding of the source is in a way that i feel is accurate to the source and would 1. convey the same meaning to an english speaker 2. read well to me as a person who can (to an extent) understand japanese. now let’s get into how i failed here.

PART 1: major changes / decisions

when the giraffe speaks to the audience, saying "it's because of all of you", i misinterpreted it as being about karehika and put "it's because of you two" even though that's not what he said.

this is the WORST mistranslation imo and i lost my shit when i realized, but at least the message isn't entirely lost because right before that he talks about how it's the stage the selfish and greedy audience longs for. i have no idea how tf i ignored that previous line and thought it was about karehika.

i decided to change the title of the futakao revue to "Revue of Resentment".

the original title, "Revue of Malice", i honestly took from the wiki without thinking too hard about the translation of the name that someone else had done, which was stupid of me. I also forgot to translate wagamama highway as selfish highway and just left it as wagamama highway in the subs, so you see. 

怨み (urami) generally means "grudge, resentment" in the same way that the more common form for urami, 恨み does, only it's a stronger, more hateful emotion, and not commonly used. it's usually used for a very deep-seated, strong grudge/resentment, or for things that are supernatural, ie. the grudge of a soul.

either way, "malice" doesn't really represent the meaning properly imo, because while resentment is about bearing ill will/bearing malice towards someone, the word by itself doesn't cover the meaning of resentment, at least to me. but i'll admit that it sounds a lot cooler, and i don't think it's too far off, so i think it's fine if people keep referring to the revue as revue of malice. if you take the midpoint between malice and resentment then that's what my understanding of 怨み is.

i also thought about changing it to revue of grudges, but to me that sort of implies actual tangible, countable grudges, which isn't necessarily wrong, but considering the kanji selection it has the vibe of the actual feeling/act of holding a grudge, which in english is only resentment. so that's what i settled on.

i probably won't change what's on the wiki until the official translation for it comes out on starira, and no matter what starira says this is my final decision for my subs. 

I changed the final lines to the final line. 

i had originally called the karehika revue "the final lines" and made karen say "i have to say them. the final lines", when there was no need to make it plural and makes less sense to make it plural, because the final line is, one final line. i can't say why this happened other than i apparently was not thinking hard enough about it until one day i was

originally what i put for A Beautiful Person, Or Perhaps It Is was "A Beautiful Person, Or Somebody Like That".

i had also taken this from the wiki and thought it was a reasonable interpretation because i didn't know the backstory of how it was genuinely supposed to be cut off at the end (A Beautiful Person, Or Perhaps It Is [A Love Song]). that was my fault for not doing enough research and not looking in the right places to find this out before finishing it, and also a lesson that sometimes trying to extrapolate things from vague grammar is not a good idea

in the scene with the vegetable giraffe, right after junna says "putting an end... to what?", maya says "greedily, ferociously, in order to continue standing on stage, we will go to the next stage."

here i originally made a dumb mistake and thought that when she said 貪欲に、獰猛に it was an extension of junna's line instead of an adverb - like what are we putting an end to (何に？) to greed (貪欲に), to brutality (獰猛に). 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦 

this isn't a mistake but since i am explaining my choices i feel i have to mention - the なんだか強��お酒を飲んだみたい。line (Somehow it feels like... I just drank some strong alcohol.). actually i did make a mistake here and it was calling "sake" "sake" instead of just alcohol, which was really just me being careless. 

besides that, there's an issue with this line in that it lacks a subject/identifier. it could be that nana's the one feeling drunk, or that the rest of them seem drunk to her, but there's no way to eliminate a subject in english and have it make sense (Somehow, it feels like strong alcohol was just drunk. <-- ??????? what?? people don't talk like this)

the first time i even heard of this line b4 the bluray was out it appeared to me that it was about nana, and every time i went down a twitter search rabbithole while working on both the original and the revision, it appeared that jp fans took it the same way - i wanted to link this fanart i saw where futaba is drinking w/ nana and makes fun of her for it but i lost it..

i think the whole brushing hair back thing she does it seems to imply it's intended to be more about her, but really it can have a double meaning (i found one or two jp fans talking about this, that at first it seems to be about nana but could also be about the rest of them).

since it the general consensus is that it’s about nana, i stuck with "I".

i also considered removing the “just” because it’s technically not in the original line but it sounds a lot more awkward without it, and adding it doesn’t change the meaning of the line at all in context (like she’s not saying someone drank alcohol before they got on the train or something lmao so)

speaking of this scene, here is a fun jp blog post analyzing it which is pretty parseable even just w/ google translate (it’s less about the actual line, but their theory for the line is that nana was very stimulated from the fight = feels like she had a strong drink): https://note. com/suzumya/n/n7ee2160d039c

revue of resentment:

didn’t you say we were cutting ties? when futaba catches kaoruko after her truck flies off.. originally i just had “did we cut ties?” umm this was just me being dumb. anyway funny line because kaoruko was the one who said they were cutting ties in the first place and then she turns around and asks this to futaba LMAO

towards the end when futaba is saying “this time, it’s my turn to say something selfish. it’s my turn to-” and then kaoruko says “it’s my turn to make you wait”? she’s imitating futaba/predicting what she’s going to say. i.... again, was careless and did not realize this and just had “it’s time for me to wait” (you’d think it’d be easy to catch because she said “atashi” and not “uchi” but well. I was not thinking clearly..)

after she says this, she says “i know that much, okay” basically saying she knows that that has to happen/that futaba was going to say that, but this was one that i misheard and i thought she said わっかてませんや when she said わかってますんや and i put “i dunno about that” which is basically the opposite meaning.. lol

the final line of this revue, i originally had as “guess i can’t win against the selfishness of a kid”. I changed this to “i just can’t win against the selfishness of a kid”. i can see where my past self was coming from with the “guess” to represent the わ but it makes it feel too.. speculative and like she didn’t know? which isn’t really right. I just can’t better portrays the sort of helplessness of it while still being like she’s stating a known fact, i think

this is kind of just a discussion, but i’ve been thinking about how “revue of souls” isn’t entirely accurate to 魂のレヴュー because it’s, a revue of a singular soul. but “revue of soul” doesn’t feel right to me, because... i dunno there’s some sort of rule to these revue of ___ things to me where it’s like the thing has to be a noun that’s either uncountable or plural if it’s countable. to say revue of soul makes me think that it’s like . revue of who is the most soulful or revue of soul music LMFAO so... i think it’s actually just a rule for using (something) of (something), maybe. like... tree of noodles vs tree of noodle. wow every day sentences that have never been spoken before are created

i think it’s more accurate to say “the soul” in this case, actually... but i don’t like putting the in a revue title....... but i think i will change it actually. you’re watching me make this decision live as i write this blog post lmao okay so i changed it to Revue of the Soul. maybe ateam were onto something with putting the Thing first actually. (just kidding i really don’t like that anyway moving on)

other stupid things that i almost forgot to mention in this post bc i changed them so long ago, but they’re in the first version: i wrote “kuro” instead of “clau” for .. some reason, and i wrote “bakkaren” instead of “karenitwit” and i spent some time thinking about alternate ways to localize this but karenitwit ended up being the best option.

PART 2: minor changes (summary, some specific lines i thought were notable, etc)

the minor things were really more minor, enough that i can't actually list everything that i changed. some examples off the top of my head:

i misheard "jesters" as "idiots" in the distant el dorado lines that hikari recited in english. or rather, i couldn't make it out, and i did a twitter search and found jp fans saying it was idiots and went "i guess that makes sense, idiot can kinda mean the same thing as clown", but then later when i looked at the chinese subs they had put "jesters" and i felt like the biggest idiot in the world

i said "stage prop" for 舞台装置, the fake blood in the revue of annihilation, but it really shouldn't have been prop. i changed it to equipment, then waffled on it and changed it to set, then my theater kid friend who speaks jp proofread for me and told me to change it to equipment

when kaoruko tastes the fake blood, she says "it's sweet." i put "it's tasty" - i think i might have thought she said うまい not 甘い and not challenged it

at the seisho fest one of the students talked about making a new cyc (short for cyclorama but nobody calls them that apparently) and i didn't get that

thanks to my theater kid friend i realized i misrepresented the text that hikari gets from the giraffe, where i originally said “the house is already open for entry”. the original here is 小屋入りはもうはじまっています. apparently when i searched 小屋入り the first time i somehow misunderstood what i was reading and i thought it was about the audience entering the theatre, and i went with “the house is open for entry” because i thought hey, the audience section of a theater is called the house so that works out well. but it’s actually basically tech week, where “entering the hut” means to move into and start doing things in the theatre ahead of the first performance. what i ended up going with was “the dry tech is already underway”, which imo is the same amount of jargon-y ambiguity as the original and pretty much the same meaning. Thank you again to my friend

when nana talks to masai + amemiya in the bg of her career interview i misheard what they were saying LOL originally i put that amemiya wasn’t going to hand over the script but she was saying that she WOULD. this + the kaoruko line both being me mishearing something as the negative.. is funny to me.

not a mistake but a defense: in mahiru’s revue intro the first thing she says is 宣誓 which is most commonly translated as I swear/vow/oath but I wanted to stick to the olympic theme and in the olympic oath in english the word “promise” is used, so that’s why i used promise. however, in the original i translated 輝け、私 as “I will shine” but i changed it to "shine, me” because it just doesn’t fully capture the meaning the first way..,, speaking of revue intros i also fixed a small thing each in hikari’s and junna’s but its nbd i think.

when mayakuro are playing shogi at the beginning, maya’s chick gets captured by claudine and it shows that claudine still has 2 chicks on the board, and when claudine calls her weak(/basically saying she sucks at it) maya was like “your chicks look too pitiful for me to...(take them)”. i am very embarrassed to say this took me too long to understand and at first I thought it meant maya’s chick got taken by claudine and then she was saying her chick looked pitiful on claudine’s side...

AIJO KAWAN!!!!!!! again something i didn’t know mostly because i was not paying close enough attention, i only knew of this after i checked the korean subtitles. baby karen wrote her name wrong on her cubby she wrote かわん instead of かれん :’’’)))

changed “pep rally” to “kick-off party”

stuff like this. aside from that, i reworded some more awkward sounding sentences, fixed capitalization (why did i think capitalizing the beginning of every line was a good idea?) doubly made sure all information was kept in the translation, etc.

i added some more onscreen text translation and some more bg conversation lines thanks to the korean subs catching things i couldn’t, and made a few really small changes to the lyrics that i don’t think are worth listing out here

i added watashitachi wa mou butai no ue lyrics to the credits - this is my own translation and i purposefully did it without looking at the one on the wiki by lunaamatista, but they kind of ended up pretty similar, so i thought i should mention that it was not my intention to just steal/reword that translation or anything. the one on the wiki is great and you should go listen to the song and read it there and appreciate all the work luna has done!!!!!

if there are any more mistakes (which i sure hope there aren't bc i have watched this movie so many times now and cross referenced the chinese and korean subs, though the chinese one i looked at had some mistranslations as well imo) i can change them in the sub files, but i won’t be making a new release again.. if you see something you think is worded awkwardly, just know that i probably agonized over it for too long and decided i wanted to word it that way (ie., saying you who ___) also i Know i use too many em dashes and ellipses i’m sorry for that... i think they’re fun

UPDATE thank you @flibbityflob​ for telling me i messed up the very final on screen text caption because i misread 本日 as 日本 like 100 times in a row apparently . I um. reposted the torrents because it’s been less than 12 hours so. woohoo

also one last thing I guess i can call this a decision i made but mostly i think it’s fun trivia - for karen’s middle school play, i wrote her character’s name as “sara” (it is seira in romaji). the reason i did this is because i found some jp fans talking about how hikari playing “lavinia” when she was 5 and karen playing “sara” in middle school is possibly related and a reference to princess sara, though the spelling is SLIGHTLY diff (セイラ vs セーラ)

PART 3: putting the worst and most annoying last, i apologize and defend myself at the same time. disclaimer: might sound kind of negative as i complain about tiring myself out and stuff, but overall i have SO MUCH fun doing this ok i want to make that clear

first of all: i am truly very sorry. maybe to some (most) people this isn’t a big deal but. i’ve spent most of the time working on this revision miming punching myself in the face every time i read over a translation that i changed, because i remember the original and want to die. but on the other hand, i don't think what’s in the first version is really /that/ bad. i think it's decent, passable i guess, and a lot of the things i changed were minor - the most important lines like the ones in the revues are relatively untouched, bc those are the ones i had already done enough agonizing over to be satisfied with what i had (except the futakao revue). but i am still very ashamed of myself and very sorry that i couldn't do a better job the first time. 

this took me (looks at calendar) three and a half months, because first i fixed a lot of the timing issues, which was very tedious and time consuming and mind numbing. then i ran out of motivation for a month and a half bc things got very busy at work and i was in a horrible place health wise and did not have the energy to work on it. and then it was mid March and i took a few weeks to review + fix things over and over bc i only have time to work on this on the weekends and a few hours on weekdays and even then it's hard to find the time and focus to watch a 2 hour movie while agonizing about the translation and timing and make changes... 

when i published the original, i was tired of working on it and too impatient and i couldn’t imagine working on it more because i knew things were going to get busier at work for me. every time i thought about the fact that people couldn’t watch and experience The Movie Ever with better understanding, i could not STAND the thought of just letting what i had done sit there on my computer for another week (let alone a whole month) while others couldn’t watch it... so i just released it... i am sorry if this reflects poorly on my character, but it is the truth. i regret not taking like, at least a few more days to proofread more, but at the time it really felt like the only thing i could do. 

i also want to say that it was never meant to be a response to the other subs - i was (and generally still am) so distant from most of the fandom that i didn’t even know there were other people subbing the movie. of course i knew that someone somewhere would probably be doing it, but i had no clue until after I posted my own that there were discord-only showings of the other subs or anything (the only reason i am not in the discord is bc i don’t enjoy large discord servers, and i don’t have any opinion on this). i’ll admit i still haven’t looked at the other subs because i didn’t want it to impact my own interpretation as i worked on the revision.

but also... i didn’t plan to sub the movie at all, actually: this is how it happened

i watch the movie on dec 21 (i’m in est so it was dec 21)

i absolutely lose my mind

i think o___o i................. could sub this because i already translated the song lyrics........ and revue intros................ and... isn’t that like... a lot of the movie.... so.......!!!

i spend the next 7 days in a hell of my own creation (barely sleeping and barely working which i could only do bc i work remotely and it was holiday season and all of my coworkers were away but i’m a lowly student coop who doesn’t get PTO)

why did i do this? who asked me to do this? i don’t know. myself i guess.

so it was kind of an impulsive decision made in a vacuum. i don’t want to regret it, it was fun and i learned a lot, but were the mistranslations worth it? i suppose that depends on how much you care about the specifics. i think overall it’s not a big deal but, well (gestures to this whole post).

when i was working on this v2, there were a lot of moments where i thought that i really shouldn't have subbed this in the first place. unfortunately, i am kind of a person who feels compulsed to do Things when i get too excited and that’s why this happened, and there is nothing i can do except move forward, fix things, and try to improve for the next time (yes there is a next time sorry! i'll be stuck here for the forseeable future). 

all that's to say if you want to hate me for this, or instead want to hate me for this stupidly longwinded!!! post that’s totally cool. next time, i will try very hard to put out better quality the first time around, and i ask for your understanding. thank you!

[lunaslovelyrambles]

i cried my eyes out w that scenario pls 😭, if it’s not too many problem, can i request a hc based on that scenario but it happens w eren’s and armin’s s/o? (separately) if you don’t wanna do it it’s completely fine! ty <33

sorry this took so long! i kept writing and rewriting it bc i was unhappy with eren’s part. please give me feedback on the whole thing bc i feel like it’s a bit ooc for eren..? so any feedback is appreciated!

anyway- hope you enjoy this anon! and i’m glad you enjoyed my other scenario haha

this is the scenario they are referring to

spoilers for s4 ep8

some mentions of blood + dying, but nothing graphic

——

eren jaeger

Eren knew what he was getting himself into. He knew from the start that whatever he did would not end well. He knew it.

He knew exactly what he was doing when he distanced himself from you, from the rest of the Scouts. As much as it hurt all of you. He knew what he needed to do.

You tried to keep in contact with him in any way possible. Just to make sure he was okay. But you never got a letter back.

Until one day, when you and the Scouts get one detailing what is to be an attack on Libero.

It fills you with some hope to know that you might get to see the man you loved so much after so long. However, you also feel a sense of dread over this plan of his. It’s.. unlike him.

You stayed on the airship with Hange and Onyankopon to assist with the recon after the battle’s finished.

You’re one of the first people to see Eren as he boards the airship. And it breaks your heart to see him. He’s so.. different.

He barely even spares you a glance on the airship. His eyes flicker to you for less than a second before looking back at the floor. It broke you.

You wanted to reach out to him, hold him, talk to him for even a second to ask him about these past few years. Anything to just be with.. him.

But he’s pulled away too fast. He’s taken to the other room by Captain Levi and you’re left in the other room with too many questions.

Too many questions that go unanswered. As your other comrades board, so does a famously child filled with vengeance.

It only takes one second. One second for you to push Sasha out of the way and one second for you to be on the floor, dying.

And as much as they tried, your companions couldn’t save you. You had lost too much blood at this point.

Connie stood in the doorway- a single tear streaming down his cheek as he relayed the message to the others. You were dead.

Everyone looked at Eren, waiting for him to show even the slightest bit of a distraught reaction. But he didn’t. He was looking at the ground with empty eyes.

He asks about you in your last moments. If you said anything or things of that sort.

Connie tells him that the last thing you ever said was his name with a smile.

He doesn’t say anything more. He lets the others yell at him all they want for his reaction, for him not saying anything, for him causing this stupid war. He just takes it. 

Because deep down inside him, he has a feeling they are right. Your death is his fault. And he hates himself for it. 

——

armin arlet

Armin was very aware of how risky the attack on Libero could be, and he often spoke to you about his anxieties regarding Eren’s goals- and even about just Eren.

Even with how calculated and prepared he tried to be, he knew that the possibility of failure and death was always there.

Every mission he was scared of death. Not his own death; he knew his days were numbered since becoming the Colossal Titan. He was more scared of your death than anything.

You were his everything. Since joining the Scouts. You were always there when he felt at his lowest. Especially now, with Eren being a practically different person, he turned to you often to confide in you.

And you were always there for him when the days seemed darkest.

When the day of the raid came, he hugged you a little tighter and kissed you a little longer before parting ways.

There was this pit in his stomach that he couldn’t shake as he watched you leave him. It was almost like a feeling of dread, like no matter what something was going to happen.

He wished he’d listened to himself. Maybe, just maybe, if he had, you wouldn’t have died.

He stupidly let his guard down when you were both on the airship and safe. He stupidly left your side to go see Eren and Mikasa.

He should’ve brought you with him, or stayed with you or something. Anything.

When Connie busts in the door he automatically assumes the worst, but he gets increasingly concerned when a tear rolls down his cheek.

He announces that you’ve been shot and are losing a lot of blood, most likely dead by this point. And that’s all it takes for Armin to shove past him towards you. This can’t be happened- you can’t die. You weren’t supposed to die before him. 

He almost doesn’t believe Connie until he sees your barely alive body on the ground of the ship, and blood pooling around your body. 

You weakly smile as you see him and say his name in a low, raspy voice before going limp on the ground.

He’s shattered. His whole world goes gray. You were his everything, his drive, his motive. And now he doesn’t know what to do.

His hand grips yours tightly as he bawls relentlessly on the floor. He squeezes your hand tighter in hopes that it would bring you back somehow.

It doesn’t. No matter how hard he begs for you to come back you don’t.

——

masterlist || rules page

[violettelueur]

FUSHIGURO MEGUMI || WITH YOU

| featuring : fushiguro megumi from jujutsu kaisen

| warnings : grammar errors, but other than that n/a

| form : imagine

| word count : 1773

| published : 05 december

| request : Can i have a regular black coffee with Megumi finding y/n crying on the bathroom floor bc she has been experiencing a burn out?🥺✨Your jujutsu kaisen writings is what keeps me sane at the moment💞😭✨

| barista’s notes : hey hey hey~ guess who is back? it’s me barista violettelueur ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆ and when i was typing this out, i was listening to ‘Lost in Paradise’ by ALI and AIKO, which all of you know, it’s jujutsu kaisen’s ending! i love it so so much  ʕ￫ᴥ￩　ʔ but lowkey, it doesn’t match the theme of this imagine here ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ other than that, thank you so much for loving my work and for the cup of classic black coffee order (jujutsu kaisen request!) and please come again soon!

Exhausted. Heavy. Drained. That was all you felt.

Once you were able to go through the door of your dorm room, all you wanted to do was to fall flat on to the wooden floor and lay there for who knows how long. 5 minutes? 30 minutes? An hour? Maybe even a whole day? You were just extremely exhausted. However, you knew that you had to train with your classmates for the Kyoto Sister School Goodwill Event the next day, so sleeping on the cold floor was no the best option.

Slowly struggling to make your way to your bathroom, you quickly gripped onto the side of the sink so you didn’t lose your balance due to your fatigue from today’s mission that you had to go on alone. From what you could even recall for the few past weeks, you were constantly being set on different missions at random times due to the lack of sorcerers there were in the school nowadays. From your knowledge, the third years were suspended for the time being, Gojo was constantly being set out for domestic travels as well as some business behind the scenes that you weren’t informed about, Nanami reported to you that he was investigating a crime that had occurred at Kinema Cinema and the first years (your year) and the second years were training for the event, leaving you the only Grade 1 sorcerer within Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College to be set these missions that seemed to be endless at this point.

Since the beginning, you knew that this was going to be your life once you step foot into the Jujutsu Sorcerer school, but you weren’t aware of the constant hardships that were randomly going to be set out to you. Ijichi even commented that this was unusual for a first-year student like you to be sent on numerous mission like the ones you’ve completed - some even being back to back on the same day - leading him to apologies every time you would enter his car to which you would always tell him that it was never his fault - how could it be? It wasn’t his fault that the higher-ups were demanding you to go off to do these missions. You felt exceedingly guilty for making him continuously drive you around to the locations and waiting for you to finish, not even knowing if you were going to come back alive or not.

However, you couldn’t be more grateful that he was in your company during this draining time. If it wasn’t for Ijichi in your presence, you knew you would have broken down earlier than you had now.

Turning on the faucet, you immediately heard a stream of water gushing from the spout before it was slowly filling up the bowl with the clear liquid. All you wanted to do was to plant your face in and scream out all the intense pressure that has been placed upon your shoulders. Yet you knew, it wasn’t that easy. It never was. 

Before you would even realise what was happening, the hand that was gripping onto the sink suddenly slipped causing the remaining strength that you had in you to disappear as your body immediately fell onto the white tiled floor. 

You were at your breaking point.  

You felt tears begin to uncontrollably stream down your face causing you to grip the top of your head before lacing your fingers tightly onto your hair - so tightly that you could pull out a few strands from your clasp - trying to release at least some of the pressure that was running through your veins.

 Suddenly, you heard a knocking sound from the distance, for a second, distracting you from the state that you were in now. However, you didn’t answer. You didn’t have the strength to. You didn’t have the effort to tell the person to go away nor open your mouth to make a sound. The knocking still continued even with your lack of response, but still, there was no response with you.

“Y/N? Are you there?”

Megumi. Megumi was at the door. Yet you still didn’t have the effort to answer your boyfriend. You were just at the point where you were just burnt out - the higher-ups have really burned you to the point of mental and physical exhaustion.

“Y/N, your door is unlocked, I’m coming in,”

‘No...please don’t’

However, there was no use. You had already heard the click on your handle being pushed down before your door swung open, followed by the tapping of footsteps being heard as Fushiguro began to walk into your room, trying to locate where you were.

“Y/N, where are you?” Fushiguro asked in a worried tone since he was informed by Iijchi that you had returned and that you had most likely stationed yourself in your dorm room after being treated by Ieiri, due to the number of missions that you had completed today. Due to him not being able to see you for even a few weeks without you heading off somewhere, Fushiguro wanted to check up on you to make sure that you were okay and had the idea you had probably fallen asleep. Yet your figure was not on your bed, it was still neatly made from this morning and there was no sign that you had even sat on it. 

Shutting his mouth, Fushiguro began to carefully listen to his surroundings trying to see if he could hear you or anything out of the ordinary in his search for you, only for him to suddenly detect the sound of water being poured or spilt causing him to turn towards the bathroom, only to discover the door opened with the faucet tap running rapidly as water began to overflow onto the ground, leading him to rush into the bathroom to turn it off.

Letting out a sigh of relief once the water stopped, he immediately turned around to find you on the ground, hands in your hair as tears flowed down your face. You looked terrible to put it into lighter terms. You looked like you’ve been through the worst wreckage. You looked like you had lost the will to even move. 

Quickly crouching down to your level - ignoring the water on the ground, Fushiguro managed to carefully lift your body up before placing you on his lap trying to comfort you in any way possible, as he then took a hold of your hands - causing you to relax your grip - to gently remove them from your hair making you weren’t in any pain from the tight grasp you had. Pulling you closer into his embrace, Fushiguro began to slowly run his hand up and down your arm to try to calm you down from your tearful fit before using his other to push away any straying strands of hair that were in your face, so he would wipe away any of the tears that were still present on your eyes or cheeks.

“Shhh, I got you, You’re okay, I’m right here with you,” Fushiguro tenderly muttered to you before placing your head on the crook of his neck as he then began to run his fingers through the strands of your messy hair, carefully brushing out any knots that were created. Fushiguro didn’t even have to ask what was wrong. He already had a slight idea of what was going for the past few weeks.

Due to the lack of sorcerers being available within the school and the stack of higher class missions being piled up, you were the only sorcerer qualified to even go on these missions leaving you to undertake these task alone - much to his dismay, but he had no obligation to go due to his grade as a sorcerer himself. He knew you were strong based on being a sorcerer as well as your emotional and mental state, but everyone has their limits, no matter how long or short one person can hold on to their sanity. Everyone has their limits - he was surprised that you were able to hold on for this long, to be honest, he didn’t think he himself could have lasted as long as you did.

Every day when he had a minimal chance of seeing you, Fushiguro slowly began to notice that you were gradually breaking down, you were becoming more worn out, you were becoming less motivation, you lacked in performance when you were able to train with everyone, and you were slowly detaching yourself from everyone - you were somewhat becoming like him in some way. Fushiguro tired to lighten up your mood by inviting you over to his dorm to watch a movie or to simply cuddle with him, and he knew that you were exceptionally grateful for everything that he was doing, you showed it with the most beautiful smiles and light laughs that you could give him. He just felt so useless.

Snapping out of his thoughts, he suddenly felt a pair of arms being wrapped around his neck, causing him to realise that you seemed to snap out of your own daze. “Thank you so much, Megumi….I’m so happy that I’m with you,” you whispered to him before you tightened your hold on his neck - but not to the point where it was suffocating - before you continued with the three words that always made his heart stop before it would go into a rage as if he had just ran a marathon, “I love you,”.

Even in your current state, you still managed to somehow make Fushiguro feel like he was helping you - to which he completely was, he just didn’t know  - leading him to engulf you in his arms before placing a light kiss on your temple to help you relax your body and calm you down even more.

“I got you, I’m right here with you Y/N,” Fushiguro replied back to you before tightening his hold on you as if he was the one that needed comforting, “I love you too,”.

Being with Fushiguro was something you knew to never take from granted, he was like the moonlight that comforted you when you felt so alone in the night. Fushiguro wasn’t someone to express his affection so openly, but for him to try to help you in every way possible - even if he was somewhat out of his character - was something you could never take for granted from the little kisses to the little dorm invites - yeah you really were lucky. Fushiguro Megumi was really the perfect boyfriend

“With you, I know I’m going to be okay Megumi”

[seodami]

Dearest treasure | KTH

|PART1| |PART 2| |PART 3|

Summary: Every kid in town was afraid of Kang Taehyun, the old -slightly creepy- man living alone for years and years in the same run down house. Every night he would go into his backyard with a shovel and dig a hole into the earth. No one knows why and there are kids rumouring about him burying people. Jungwon was a bright kid, wanting to find out the truth behind this widely spread rumour for a school project. And what he found out would change his life forever.

Genre: fluff, angst, flashbacks, story of life, snippets of life, tiny bit humour

Warning: old Taehyun, mention of death, mention of suicide/suicidal thoughts, death

Word count: 10152 (all 3 parts)

Pairing: Kang Taehyun x reader, (Yang Jungwon)

Note: Wow okay so this story took me a while to write and I listened to hours of das music to finish this🥺 this was honestly an emotional rollercoaster. But I’m so glad it’s finally finished so I can post it on here yayyy!!! I hope you like it an enjoooyy (please tell me if you cried I would really appreciate your responses haha bc I did)

Main masterlist

2089 (present)

Deathly silence hung in the air as thick as smog. In Jungwons eyes pooled tears, ready to spill over the edges to fall into free fall and drop heavily onto his trousers. His heart was burning, not finding any suitable words of comfort or understanding for the old man in front of him. His throat felt like it was tied up so tightly, he couldn’t breathe. Oh, how didn’t he know? Oh, how could anyone talk bad behind his back? So much hurt…

Mr. Kangs head hung low, not daring to make any other noice than his sniffling nose. Hot tear drops were silently dropping down, it felt suffocating just watching him so full of hurt and sorrow. Suddenly Jungwon felt sorry to let him relive his whole life together with the terrible pain even the young boy could feel.

“I- I…I never could…forgive myself. It was my fault-“ the once handsome mans face was dark and the wrinkles now seemingly even deeper full of regrets and unspoken words. “You wouldn’t understand, boy-“

Jungwon couldn’t form any appropriate words at that moment and let the sadness let him take away just for a little longer. His story was heavy… he felt like he just heard something he shouldn’t have heard. Something so private and fragile. It had touched him more than he had thought.

“I didn’t want to live anymore… it was all worthless since then… I had no motivation to keep going.” His voice became a tad more stable, yet still quiet and weak. His tired eyes met the innocent boys and for a second the old man could see his younger self inside his big brown eyes. Sadness and nostalgia rolled over him and he averted his gaze.

“I tried ending my life many times since that day- it never worked no matter how much I wanted it… and then I just…I just mouldered…alone, broken- and just a shell of my old self. I wasn’t the once happy, bright, clever boy anymore. I could never be that again…”

Jungwons heart felt heavy, breathing wasn’t bearable. His hands unconsciously reached forward to the tiny lost figure sitting in his sunken mould. It was a simple touch but for Mr. Kang it was the first reassuring and comforting gesture he had received in a long long time. It made him tear up stronger, still staying silent. The young boy wanted to be there for the old man. He wanted to show him that he wasn’t alone in this.

Moments of depressing, yet healing silence passed, just the ticking of the old clock in the dark living room was heard. “I’m so sorry Mr. Kang…” Jungwon finally whispered, unsure if the man spoken to even heard it. He couldn’t do much but be there in this moment. Quite honestly he felt like crying himself. But he wanted to stay strong for him.

“One day-“ Mr. Kangs voice shook a little but he kept talking. “-I remembered the time capsule. My dearest treasure. So long ago. And I made it my life mission to find it. One last moment to hold onto and…look back to.” A thick single tear slowly rolled down Jungwons cheek. So that was it. That’s why… and everyone had dragged the vulnerable man down, putting even more dirt into his deep wounds.

“I-I searched everywhere. But…but i just…forgot. It’s my last wish before I finish this…” life he wanted to say. Finish his life. It made the school boy unbelievable sad. Oh how much he must’ve suffered his whole life. And before Jungwon could’ve decided differently, a strong feeling of wanting to help and support creeped up to him.

“I’m gonna help you Mr. Kang. We will find your treasure.” Jungwon reassuringly took the heavy, wrinkled hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. It was the first time since that day, that he felt hope again. Just a tiny tiny splinter but it was there. Hope.

The next hours, both of the males digged holes through the whole garden, not saving any sweat, too focused on finding the mans greatest desire. Mr. Kang had already reached his limit after three holes, following with the 14 year old boy leading him towards an old wooden garden bench to rest on. Jungwon on the other hand was full of verve and energy to fulfill his dearest wish. To find his dearest treasure. Mr. Kang watched him with surprise and thankfulness, never had anyone gone all the way out to help him with something so important to him. There was never someone who he could’ve went to. After that day, he had broken off all the contact with his old friends. He wanted to feel alone at some point. He deserved the pain. That’s what he had always told himself. But now he was old and weak and just wanted nothing more than to be finally reunited with his beloved family. He missed you everyday. He heard his daughters laughters everyday. And he saw his son running around outside in the garden everyday. He finally wanted to be with his family everyday.

It had already gotten dark and cold at this point, Mr. Kang had brought the hard working boy a jacket and a warm tea. The sun was already long gone, just the small lights from the veranda and from the street shined over towards them. Jungwon was still digging, his once tidy school clothes now full of dirt and dust and drenched in sweat. He couldn’t give up. He knew that. So he kept digging and digging. The moon was fondly watching at the pair below, shining just a tad brighter tonight for them. Short friendly small talk about school went quickly over to heartfelt conversations about life and this and that. Nobody, not even the moon, would’ve thought that the bitter, lonely 87 year old Taehyun and the bright, cheerful 14 year old Jungwon would’ve ever even crossed paths, yet life showed again how unpredictable and full of surprises it could be. This night, a tight bond between the two men was woven. So unexpected but yet so lovely.

The clock already told them it was 6 minutes before midnight when another noice cut through the silent night air. A metallic sound. Gasping, Jungwon threw the shovel away, excitement now rushing through his veins. He fell onto his knees, not caring about the moist soil on his trousers. His hands digged through the last part, brown earth now sticking behind his nails, and moments later, he pulled out a medium sized metal box, securely wrapped in plastic. Jungwon felt like he just won the Olympics, he felt like he did it. He did it…

A quick gaze onto the bench showed him the sleeping old man, now seeming even tinier than before. With shaky steps and a weird feeling of proudness and fulfilment, Jungwon waddled over to the sleeping form, gently waking him up. The box in his hands was tightly in his grasp, not letting go. Mr. Kangs heavy lidded eyes flew open in an instant when he saw the metal box in the boys arms. Tears burned in his thankful eyes, reaching towards it with shaking arms. Everything felt heavy, yet his heart felt the lightest it had felt in a long long time.

“Thank you…so much.” Tears were now unstoppable rolling down his cheeks. It squeezed Jungwons heart, knowing he could make this man happy again, fulfilling his last wish. The both of them moved up to the house again, warmth engulfing them with its now familiar scent. Comfort. The old man reassured the boy to stay but seeing the box being opened, Jungwon felt as if he got to see something way too private. But he stayed, looking over the sniffling mans shoulder when he pulled out a small pink toy dolphin. His hands were shaking. “This was my daughters. It was her favorite toy when she was…two years old.”

Taehyuns heart clenched, seeing all his treasures in front of him. He desperately pressed the small toy against his chest, letting all his emotions in. It was intense, yet it was all he ever wanted. Seeing the familiar drawings of a green giraffe, sitting on a cloud with a family next to it. He could read all their names above the figures. Oh Taehee…

Looking through the photographs, old memories surfaced and made the man tear up even heavier. He didn’t knew how much he really had missed them. It was as if his empty shell was slowly filled again, reliving all of your best and worst moments. He saw a picture on his old friends Hueningkais 18th birthday. All of his friends were there, cake smeared all across your faces, the brightest smiles someone could ever see. The day he had first met you… Another picture had all of your friends sitting around a small bonfire, being cuddled inside blankets. Taehyun saw his younger handsome self smiling unsure into the camera with you sitting beside him. He could only laugh sadly at the memories of your camping trip where he first had kissed you, the guilty feeling just as clear.

“She looks so happy here…” Taehyun noticed with a testy smile, gently touching your face on the picture, seeing you and him laying on a bed, arms tightly slung around your frame, as you held the camera. His large eyes showed nothing but the purest form of love as he looked over to you. Oh he was such a lovesick fool. “You were a pretty couple…” Jungwon whispered, glancing over the handsome young man and the pretty women. He wished to find someone in his life later, he could look at with just as much love as he did. Taehyun nodded, pulling out the next photo. It was the two of you kissing in front of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, big smiles on both of your faces. Taehyun remembered, it was when he courageously decided to fly around half the globe to you to fix your relationship. He didn’t want to give you up, thank god he didn’t. Another photograph showed you holding your first ultrasound picture, tears streaming down your face. You were both so young and already on the way to becoming parents. It was scary, yes it was one of the most scary moments in life but it was all worth it. The next picture showed you in the hospital bed, looking weak, yet happy. Taehyun was kneeing down next to you, his gaze focused on you and the tiny newborn baby in four arms. A tear dropped down onto the photo but he quickly wiped it away. “Our little Taehee…”

The next picture showed a kissing couple dressed in a gorgeous white dress and a neat black suit. The priest between them was smiling fondly at the newlywed couple. On another one he could see the couple dancing in midst of their guests, white petals laying all over the place. Taehyun sobbed, holding a hand over his mouth. Jungwons hand reassuringly squeezed his shoulder. He was there for him. Taehyuns and your parents were dancing next to you, he could see his friend Yeonjun and Beomgyu dancing with each other playfully and many more of their closest circle. It had been so long. And he missed it. It was such a happy memory.

There were other photographs with you being pregnant, both of your baby pictures, your friends and your parents and a ton of little Taehee running around bubbly in her adorable dresses and overalls. Taehyun hadn’t seen these pictures in a while and it tore his heart into a million pieces. The last picture was inside your new house, the house he never could bring over him to leave. You were all sitting on the carpet, smiling into the camera. The little baby boy snuggling closer in his blanket and the girl pressing a soft kiss onto his tiny head. Taehyuns arms were slung around your frame, head laying on your shoulder relaxing. They were so happy. So happy.

He pulled out an edition of your favorite book with a hand written text inside: ‘For Taehee and Taejun- may they find wisdom and happiness in their long lives. From mum and dad’ Taehyun remembered. Oh he remembered everything. You two would always read this book together since your honeymoon, where you discovered it in one of the local bookstores. Since then it had always be your favorite book. And it hurt him seeing his children never got to read it. Their future was just robbed because of one moment. It was unfair. Why did he get to live when they couldn’t? He never understood.

The last thing Taehyun pulled out of the box was the pink letter littered with dozen of glitter stickers. ‘To my love’ stood on top of it in your cursive handwriting. He gulped, knowing exactly this was made for him personally. It was the letter he dreaded reading. The moment he waited for. The reason he wanted to find this box in the first place. His love. Jungwon stood stiff and still next to him, not daring to say a word. With shaking fingers, he carefully opened the envelope without tearing it. He could immediately recognise your pretty handwriting and already teared up when he read over the first sentence. ‘To my dear love Taehyun, whom I always love’ with another nod, he dared reading through the heartfelt letter.

‘So this is where life led us, what? To be quite honest with you, my 17 year old me would’ve never thought about marrying the handsome boy from Hueningkais birthday party, let alone have his children and buy our first house together. Life went wild with us, am I right Tae? But I regret nothing. Not even when I stole your favorite hoodie out of your closet without you knowing. Everyone was so done with my reckless personality and I often felt misunderstood in my younger days as you know. But you just always seemed to just see the best in me. Even when I felt like giving it all up. You were always there for me. And you were the only one to fully understand and accept me how I am. This is something I never told you in person but I can’t remember how life was without you before. In my mind, you were always there and I know that you will always be there for our family in our long future. I hope when you read this, we are both still happily married, watching our children and grandchildren laugh about all our ridiculous photos inside this box. And Taehee, oh she must be so happy to see her favorite toy again haha. Taehyun, you are my best friend, my first love, my first heartache, my true soulmate and the best husband in the whole world. You are and will always be my love, no matter how time will turn our lives around. We are always together. I love you always,

Your dearest wife Y/N

(P.S. don’t worry about getting old, you are still my handsome prince I fell in love with!)’

At this point, Taehyun was a sobbing mess, not caring what the young boy might think of him. This letter had touched his soul, his deepest heart. He felt every word you’ve written just as if it was you whispering each of them into his ear. He never felt the urge that strong before to be by your side, hug you, kiss you all over your face, tell you how beautiful you were and whisper how much he loved you and would forever. His life made sense only with his family by his side. There was nothing left to live anymore for Taehyun. And he knew that for a long time already.

Jungwon in this moment didn’t knew what to do anymore. He felt like he had fulfilled his mission, making the old man happy for a last time. With quiet steps, he took his video camera, he totally had forgotten and put it in his backpack laying on the floor abandoned. It was his sign to leave, let the man dwell in his emotions and memories. He was done here. With careful steps he went closer to the sobbing man again, softly putting his hand on his shoulder. He looked up as if he knew what the boy was about to say.

A small smile was on his wrinkled lips, clenching on the boys heart. He weakly pushed himself up just to pull the sweaty, in dirt covered student into a warm embrace. It was the first hug since ages it felt like. The hug remembered Jungwon of his own grandmother and tears stuck in his throat. He missed her. “Thank you so much, Jungwon. You are a wonderful kid. You’ve fulfilled my dearest wish. I will forever be thankful to you. May you be blessed forever. You were the only one willing to listen. Thank you.” Jungwon nodded in his shoulder, trying not to burst into tears on the spot but failed nevertheless in the end. He was so glad seeing the happy man in front of him, now seeming even younger than before. The deep sunken eyes didn’t seem frightening anymore. They were warm and welcoming. He could see sparkles of youth inside them. Yes, Jungwon did the right thing.

When the clock showed sharply half an hour past midnight, Jungwon bid his farewell to the man, he weirdly would consider his friend now, knowing he could sleep well tonight. Taehyun insisted on him keeping the jacket he gave him as well as one of the pictures inside the box for his school project and as a token of gratitude. On his quiet walk back home, he smiled endearingly down to the old photograph he carefully held in his hand. It was the last picture. Where the family of four smiled happily into the camera, sitting onto the fluffy rug Jungwon recognised now. He would treasure this picture forever. It was a generous gift, knowing how important it had been to Mr. Kang. He was so thankful.

The next day, Jungwon excitedly presented his project in class. Even though his mother yelled at him concerned where he was until this late, he managed to edit the video for his project, tearing up in the process but still felt motivated to keep going. It was important that he made this his best project. Not for him or his grade, no, it was for Mr. Kang. He was determined to change everyone’s horrible opinion about the old man.

It was eye opening for everyone. Even Park Jongsong, the scary older student, couldn’t come up with a counter attack and stared wide eyed at the screen in front of the class. It was freeing, knowing that just a bit of courage and kindness could lead you to such wonderful moments. He changed everyone’s opinion about ‘Killer Kang’. And he managed to make an old sad man happy again.

After school, the kind student hurried over to Mr. Kangs house. In bright daylight, the garden looked like a battlefield with tons and tons of freshly digged soil laying all around. Now with a much happier feeling, Jungwon crossed the chaotic lawn, knocking energetically onto the old wodden door. After a while he still hadn’t heard any steps so he tried knocking again. “Mr. Kang? It’s Jungwon. I wanted to show you the finished project. It went amazing.” The boy excitedly bounced on the balls of his feet, too giddy to stand still. There was still no answer, so Jungwon made his way towards the backyard, now being familiar with every inch. He had a weird feeling in the pit of his stomache.

And when he saw the open veranda, the old man sitting in his mould on the old couch, Jungwon let out a relieved breath. With careful steps not to step inside one of the many holes in the ground, he made its way over to Mr. Kang, not without knocking on the wall outside. Still no answer. Maybe he hasn’t heard it or he was sleeping. Jungwon waddled over to the familiar couch, seeing Mr. Kang sitting in his usual spot with his eyes closed. He looked so peaceful, Jungwon first thought the old man was sleeping tightly. Yet when there was still no answers or reactions from his side and when he noticed there was no movement of his upper body, he understood…

Mr. Kang passed away last night. Tears welled up in Jungwons eyes and he heavily let them flow when he saw all the contents of the metallic box scattered around the small desk in front of him. The photos, sorted into time accuracy, the book untouched, the adorable drawings of his young daughter, the green giraffe smiling cheekily at him. The pink letter was open and the neat handwriting was still the same as yesterday. And in Mr. Kangs hands, layed the pink toy dolphin.

Jungwon went onto his knees beside him on the fluffy carpet, letting his hot tears fall freely without restrictions. He may had lost a friend today but he knew deep down, the old kind man was happily reunited with his family. He had gained everything he lost. And for that…how could Jungwon still be sad?

For now and forever, the courageous 14 year old boy, who acted righteous and kind, carried Kang Taehyuns life story out into the wide world, spread his last words so no one would forget the once mysterious man everyone feared to look at. Kang Taehyun, a man who got everything he wished for and then got it taken away from him. A man, who loved dearly. A man, whose story would never be forgotten.

[olivinesea]

In the Golden Dark

a/n: Having never done any ship writing before I’m just going to jump feet first into the deep end with a little Hotchreid for you today. It’s nice. No warnings except maybe some angst because we are who we are. Probably the softest thing you will see from me so enjoy the moment. Completely unnecessary disclaimer that I would find this relationship wildly inappropriate in real life but thank god we’re out here in the lawless fiction of the internet. And you’re getting full on song lyrics bc Hotchreid is nothing if not decadent af. There’s more but I’m impatient so here’s the first bit. ~ 2.7k

what the hell am I doing here in the golden dark? feeling like I’m someone else who looks the part I built up barricades to block my heart cause I don’t wanna fear you

He leaned back in his chair, reaching his arms up and clasping his hands behind his head, arching his back slightly. With his eyes closed it could be any time of day. He inhaled deeply and pretended for a moment that he was nowhere. He even gave himself a few extra seconds, indulging in the quiet that was the office at night. If only he could feel so peaceful in the right moments—before sleeping perhaps. When he opened his eyes all he could see was the reflection of his office light in the black windows. There hadn’t been daylight for hours. He’d switched off the overhead lights in favor of the small desk lamp that pooled the light only in the area of immediate relevance. Everything beyond its reach faded in and out of existence as his focus fell deeply into the forms in front of him.

He pressed his elbows back as far as they would go, pulling up slightly on the base of his skull, stretching out a day’s worth of stress, countless hours spent bent over report after report. He never could have imagined that saving people would require so much paperwork. Reducing the chaos of the lived experience, the searches and the takedowns, the intricate patterns of dozens of personalities layering choices upon one another; it turned out to be quite difficult to do. It took him hours to wrap up cases, even with everyone doing most of their own reports. Which, through no fault of their own, wasn’t always the case. He usually ended up siphoning off a fair number of those reports in addition to his own.

He didn’t mind, he needed to go over everything, needed to make sure that any possible negative feedback that came back would fall to him and he would be prepared if it did. His team were his responsibility, he would be neglecting his duties if he didn’t ensure that things were handled properly. None of them needed the headache of administrative errors. He was good with details, good with forms, good with protocol. He would happily be the filter that saved them all the trouble of little errors even if it hadn’t been part of his job.

But that didn’t change the fact that it was eleven o’clock on a Wednesday and everyone else had gone home hours ago. Only the late night janitorial staff wandered in and out occasionally, nodding at him in silent greeting as they reset the offices to give the illusion of an endlessly renewable supply of fresh starts. People that didn’t stay late never gave this transformation a second thought. They left the office with full trashcans and small debris scattered on the old carpets, only to return the next morning to find a place untouched by human presence, metal fixtures shining and glass doors free of oily fingerprints. That was just how the world worked for them, generous with new beginnings. People who lingered knew better, that effort was put into the effect. Beginnings were never easy, never flowed so inevitably as the set and rise of the sun.

Hotch had been working late for many years, long before he was even in the BAU. He had learned in law school how to brew the coffee strong enough to stay up all night if need be. How the indoor lighting changed without the support of daylight, tinting the world a thin sickly green color without the natural light to round out the fluorescence. He only got worse about it once he joined the Bureau, the stress of the job causing old habits and old secrets to float to the surface. He compensated by working the hardest, doing the most, never allowing anyone to see him need things that other people needed. He could handle this job, this was all he ever wanted after all. To save the world. Or maybe, more modestly, to save the world of a few.

Now, with Haley gone, Jack with her, somewhere well out of his disastrous reach, there was no reason at all not to fully give in. No reason not to let his insomnia at least be productive. To let the latent self destruction that fueled his actions at least have a positive impact on the people he cared about. He could do that at least.

He rubbed his face with his hands, he was getting loopy. There was no reason to be letting his mind wander so far, there were still reports he could get through. Perhaps, as unlikely as the idea felt, he could even get ahead. He looked back down at the paperwork, letting his feet settle flat on the floor. The letters swam in front of him and he sighed, rolling his pen beneath his thumb, considering. He could probably make it another hour. He could get another pot of coffee into himself. He cast about for his mug, finding it empty on the shelf behind him. He sometimes kept it there to prevent his reports from acquiring telltale dark rings. Rolling back from the desk, he hooked the handle with two fingers and headed out to the kitchenette.

Wrapped up in making plans for what he could finish tonight and what could be left for the morning he was startled to find a light still on in the bullpen. He was certain everyone had gone home long ago. They’d each passed by his office, offering him an out as they made their ways home—perhaps their exit could be the motivation he needed to break out of his office, to head towards his own home. What they didn’t realize was that home was not better for him. Work was far better, far safer, with tasks to complete, a purpose. If he was smart he would stay at work forever.

So he waved to them as they checked out, giving them small smiles that, though imperceptible to strangers, they recognized as both apologies and well-wishes. He knew they worried, that they didn’t like to see him tied to his desk late into the night. They thought it was one of his many methods for making himself suffer but he didn’t have the heart to tell them that this was him making a good decision, this was him trying his very best. In his experience, nothing good happened at home.

He thought he remembered everyone leaving, each goodbye. But every day was the same and they all bled together so he must have missed one because he cannot deny the light down below. As he walked down the stairs, confused by the discovery that he was not as alone as he had been imagining, his tired vision focused better. He could make out dark blond curls and a darker sweater hunched over the desk in the middle of the room.

“Reid?” The name came out as a croak, he hadn’t spoken in hours and probably hadn’t had any water in that time period either. He cleared his throat and said it again, louder and closer to the other man than before. Reid’s head snapped up, expression as guilty as a child caught out of bed.

“S-sorry,” he stuttered, eyes wide.

Hotch frowned, not because he was upset but because he was still a little disoriented and his muscles fell back into the most familiar actions.

“I—“ Reid ducked his head and started pushing papers together on his desk, shoving them haphazardly into a file folder. “I was just…” he trailed off, not really having intended on explaining himself. He was simply also startled and reverting to the familiar.

Reid explained compulsively, able to handle the world when parsed down to facts and numbers. He didn’t have a fact for why he had stayed so late, only a feeling and that he didn’t know how to explain. Nights had been particularly lonely recently so he had allowed himself to stay later and later, getting lost in his thoughts at his work desk. Even without people around there was a sense of occupancy, their faint impressions lingering in the air. Plus there was always Hotch up in his office. He didn’t actively think about him or what he was doing but he liked knowing the man was nearby. Hotch’s solid presence always made him feel more secure, less concerned with whatever might jump out at him from the shadows overlapping the world and his mind.

He couldn’t tell Hotch that, was far too embarrassed to admit that sometimes, even with all the lights on, it was too dark in his apartment. No matter the illumination, he couldn’t quite dispel the unease of the night when he was alone. It wasn’t always like this, sometimes he had enough brightness to spare. Recently, however, things had been hard. So much had been going on, he couldn’t quite pinpoint why but he knew he felt uneasy. Too much had changed, there was too much risk that the floor could still fall out beneath him at any moment. And it hadn’t been so long since he’d escaped the consequences of his kidnapping, his addiction, that he trusted himself to be able to manage too much more uncertainty. Backsliding was always a risk and right now the world tilted at a frightening grade. So he let himself stay late in the safety of familiarity, sometimes working but more often not, idly rereading the books he had brought in and forgotten around the office. Tonight he had actually started to doze off, which contributed to his shock upon being discovered.

Hotch continued to frown at him, watching as the thoughts raced across Spencer’s face. He noticed how deep the shadows were beneath his eyes, the way darkness pooled in the space below his cheekbones, as if they were concave impressions filled by seawater. He knew Spencer didn’t eat enough, was all too familiar with the ways too much coffee and not enough calories pinched the skin and exposed the fine lines of capillaries beneath the surface.

“Sorry,” Spencer repeated.

He looked genuinely ashamed and it made Hotch a little sad. Couldn’t Spencer see that he was just as guilty of whatever it was he thought he was doing wrong by being here? He made a conscious effort to soften his expression, to show the warmth he felt for the younger man. After having spent his entire life masking his emotions, protecting himself one of the only ways he could, it wasn’t always easy to show his affection. Especially not at this time of night, when all he could do was cling to his walls and hope to find himself still on solid ground when the sun rose. Spencer wasn’t looking at him, too caught up in his own maze.

“Let’s go get something to eat,” Hotch said, trying a different tactic. He was smart, he knew not to make it a demand or a comment on Spencer’s health. It was only an invitation, firm enough for Spencer to know he meant it, that it was not just a pleasantry or an obligation he’d rather avoid. A hand extended, an offer of easy company to pass through a little more of this unwanted time. Spencer looked up from where his fingers were worrying at the corner of the file in front of him and smiled shyly. Hotch smiled back, a real smile that scrunched up his dark shining eyes.

“Give me five minutes to close up,” he said and turned back toward his office. As he packed his briefcase, his heart felt like it had been wrapped in a soft blanket. He didn’t bother questioning it—who didn’t like finding someone to commiserate with when they’d only expected more of the lonely dark?

*

Their late night meals became a regular occurrence. Not every night but once, maybe twice a week, they found themselves the last ones in the office. They fell into a rhythm, each learning to read more from the other’s subtle cues. They almost always went to the same place, a 24-hour diner near the office with deceptively strong coffee and a seemingly endless variety of pancakes. Hotch rarely ordered food, though he encouraged Reid to get anything he wanted. He accepted bites of whatever the younger man ordered, happy enough to reciprocate the excitement over strawberry rhubarb or cinnamon blueberry pancakes.

They talked about inconsequential things, mostly Hotch listening as Reid spun out information on whatever topic was on his mind that day. Reid, for his part, made mental note of the things Hotch responded to and had opinions on. Spencer sought out more information in that vein to bring up. He loved to talk, sure, but what he loved more was to discuss. During the day there was rarely time to let his thoughts wander so freely. It was a dream to have someone there, following along and challenging him with questions, building up new conclusions.

On the nights that followed difficult days, when they were both too stubborn to order anything of substance, they drank their coffees and avoided looking at each other too directly. Those nights they were both tied up in their own thoughts, islands separated by more than just distance, but there was something undeniably pulling them together. It was probably just the natural consequence of having opposite dominant sides but they mirrored each other perfectly across the table. Once, they both happened to reach for their mugs at the same time and the backs of their hands brushed against each other. They each noticed but responded differently. Hotch repressed any reaction, pretending the quick touch of bony knuckles and cool skin hadn’t registered. Maybe it hadn’t. Reid, on the other hand, jumped as if shocked, sloshing the hot coffee into a puddle on the table. This only flustered him more and he yelped at the sting of the liquid and the sting of embarrassment. It wasn’t like they’d never touched before. But here, in this nowhere time they’d constructed, it felt different. In his mind that brief touch became nails dragging across his skin, impossible to ignore. But he pretended the mug was too hot and Hotch didn’t argue, quick to assist with napkins and sounds of agreement to accompany Spencer’s half-coherent excuses.

When their meals were done, mostly cleaned plates of syrup and crumbs stacked to one side, they hesitated before standing up. Hotch always offered to give Reid a ride home, Reid always declined, insisting he could get there himself. This led to Hotch giving him a doubtful look and insisting that it was no trouble. Reid, secretly wanting a ride the whole time, struggled to argue for his self-sufficiency a little longer before giving in. It became a silly thing, both of them knowing exactly how the argument ended but they held onto it for some reason. It was a part of their ritual now, an important piece of the night. It kept this, whatever this was, contained, strictly occasional, random even. Not something they planned for, not something they looked forward to.

Hotch waited for Spencer to get in the door of his building before driving away. He knew it wasn’t necessary, Spencer was a grown man and a trained FBI agent with a weapon. Still, it made him feel better to see him safely inside. Sometimes he thought he would feel even better if he could walk Spencer all the way to his front door. But he knew that would be asking too much. As it was, the nights when they shared this extra hour or two together, extended further by the drive home, had been giving him more than he could have imagined. He wouldn’t dare impose himself further. The brittle excuse of safety would crumble if he were to start following the other man inside. He was not ready to find out what that would mean. He smiled unconsciously as he drove to his apartment. For now, it was enough that he had found companionship on these late nights when he would otherwise be slowly, meticulously, working his way into the grave.

~Part 2~

[unholyimagines]

Fucking Your Problem

Drew Starkey x Reader

Summary; Part II of Your Fucking Problem

(that’s all you get for a summary bc i don’t wanna spoil it, tho the warnings might give it away)

Warnings; cursing, teasing, fighting, spanking, choking, slapping, dirty talk, fingering, sex toys, i really went for it with this one

A/N; hehe see what i did with the title lol okay i got some serious 365 dni vibes writing this and the song from it (you know which one) kept playing in my head so i had to include the movie somehow (you’ll see) — also i wanna thank you all for all the love you gave the first one, i really hope you like this one too!! gif from google (is it yours?)

“After all the shit you said tonight, you’re gonna have to beg for it, baby”.

And you begged, for two days straight.

Drew had pulled himself away from you the second you both heard the front door opening, Rudy and Chase walking in, and acted like nothing had happened, leaving you more sexually frustrated than ever before.

And after that, all you did was beg. Beg for him to touch you, to give you the satisfaction you craved so much, to even just kiss you, but he never gave any of those. Instead, he watched and enjoyed as he had you squirming for him, whispering dirty things to you and suggesting to fulfill your fantasies, building up the anticipation until he was ready to give it to you, knowing he had control of the situation and trust me, he was living for it.

The shooting for OBX season 2 was starting in a day and you were dreading it, knowing your character had scenes with Drew’s, and you weren’t sure if you could handle it all, no matter how much of a professional you were.

But surprisingly, they had gone better than you thought, Drew keeping it all professional and not even bothering to stay with you after you were done with your scenes.

The boy was really getting to you, in more ways than one.

Contemplating on whether to go find him or not, you didn’t have time to think about it when Rudy had caught your wrist and pulled you to the set of the Château to watch him and JD film a scene.

Standing alone at the sidelines of the area, you kept quiet when the cameras started rolling, not wanting to bother the sound guy in any way.

Feeling completely lost in the amazing acting skills of your new friends, you almost let out an audible gasp when you felt a body press against your back, two hands finding their way down to hold your waist.

“Don’t turn around, and don’t make a sound”, Drew whispered to you, keeping you in place to not alert anyone.

His fingers started brushing over the waistband of your bikini bottoms, occasionally dipping in just below the edge and you felt the wetness pool between your legs immediately, thanks to his constant teasing for the past days.

“Drew”, you moaned as quiet as you could, begging him for more without words, not caring you were out in public.

“What the fuck did I literally just tell you?”, he snapped at you, his other hand coming up to squeeze your throat, making your breathing uneven.

He had learned by now how much of a sucker you were for choking.

The hand that held your throat, let go of its grip and started to slowly make its way down your front, fingers brushing over your chest and down to your stomach, leaving your skin shivering under his touch since you were wearing only a bikini top, due to it being your character’s outfit.

Finally reaching back to your bikini bottoms, he kept stroking the waistband, fingers disappearing deeper into the fabric each time.

You were sure you were already soaking through the fabric, so you whimpered quietly, notifying him of your desperate state.

“What is it, Y/N?”, he cooed into your ear, making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

“Please, Drew, I can’t do this anymore”, you confessed, hoping he would just finally give it to you.

“Oh c’mon, we’re just having fun”, he chuckled darkly, still keeping his voice down.

“Drew”, you whined, pressing your legs together to create some kind of friction, but Drew was quick to pull your legs apart.

“No, Y/N, that’s not how this works”, you didn’t have to look at him to know he was smirking.

So you stayed quiet and let his hands wander around your lower half, never actually touching where you needed him the most.

“You know—I could just pull your bikini bottoms to the side, no one would notice”, he told you in a hushed tone, your body jolting slightly at the excitement of him finally touching you, but also the thought of doing it in public.

Your reaction caused a low chuckle from him and right after, you felt his other hand reach down to your core, not touching it, just lightly tugging the edge of your bikini above it.

And then heard the director yell ‘cut’ and felt his hands leave you.

Taking this as your chance to scold Drew for making you feel like this almost in front of your boss, you took a deep breath and turned around.

Only to find him—gone.

Once again, he had left you all hot and bothered and nowhere to be seen.

“Hey, Y/N! What did you think? I think we nailed it!”, Rudy’s voice scared you since you had forgotten why you were standing there in the first place, trying to look normal when he came running towards you.

“Y—yeah, it was great”, you lied, not having any idea how the rest of the scene had actually went.

“I know, right? Anyway, since that was the last scene of today, we’re gonna throw a small get together to celebrate the first day of filming, so let’s go home and get ready”, Rudy smiled, his hands pulling you loosely from your waist to leave with him, and his touch wasn’t helping you, but you pushed it out of your mind, no matter how much you craved for any touch right now.

Four hours later, you were spread out on a couch in Rudy’s and Chase’s apartment, laughing at a stupid joke Chase had made.

“Hey Y/N, care to join me for a smoke?”, Drew interrupted your laughing, your face turning serious.

Ever since the night of your fight, you hadn’t told any of your friends what had happened, keeping up the facade of you two not being really friends, so him asking you to join him, made you wonder, or maybe you were just overthinking?

“Uhh—yeah, sure”, you quickly got up, trying to avoid any questions from your cast mates, but Chase was faster.

“Since when do you two get along?”, he chuckled, grabbing everyone’s attention as they were staring you down, waiting for your answer.

“We always have, what are you talking about?”, Drew joked, pulling you out with him before anyone had a chance to question him.

The cold night air hit you like a truck, shivering immediately since you only had a thin dress on.

“Cold?”, Drew simply questioned before pulling a cigarette between his lips.

“No”, you stubbornly told him, not knowing why you lied.

“Always so stubborn, Y/N”, he chuckled, a sudden feeling of anger rising in you.

“Why did you want me here?”, you frowned at him, quickly lighting up your own cigarette.

“Why not? You’re the only one that smokes and I wanted some company”, he explained, but you didn’t believe there wasn’t an ulterior motive behind it.

“Oh, yeah? So you didn’t want me here so you could tease and torment me again?”, you deadpanned, still not being actual friends with him and kind of enjoying the small fights between you two.

“Sorry, princess, guess you don’t always get what you want”, Drew didn’t hold back the smirk that was now spreading on his face.

You stared at him for a minute, scanning his face, trying to find a way to crack him.

“Why won’t you give me what I want?”, you asked, finishing your cigarette.

“And what is it that you want, Y/N?”, he replied, doing the same.

“Are you serious? You know exactly what I want! I’ve literally been begging you, just like you wanted!”, you exclaimed out in frustration, knowing he was just doing it to annoy you on purpose, but all the pent up emotions starting to get overwhelming.

“Exactly, because you’re gonna keep doing exactly what I want, aren’t you?”, he growled, stepping towards you, backing you into a wall until your back was against it.

“Drew—I, uh”, you stuttered, the closeness of his face clouding your mind as he placed his hands on the wall around your head, his face lowering to eye level with you.

“Say it”, he demanded in a low voice and you felt yourself melt before him.

“I’ll do whatever you want, Drew”, you confessed, knowing it was a hundred percent true, you were practically a slut for him now, agreeing to do anything he asked so you would finally get what you had been longing for.

“Good girl”, he purred to you, his face inching closer to yours and you felt your body shiver.

He was so close, you could feel his breath against your lips and then noticed him pausing when your lips were just barely touching.

You hadn’t realized you had closed your eyes so you opened them, to see him staring deeply into yours already, but he didn’t utter out a word.

“Just kiss me, I can’t take this anymore”, you pleaded, hoping he would just forget about his stupid power play and give in.

And right then, you heard your friends yelling inside, calling your name to get back in, ending your moment with Drew.

You hoped for a second that he would ignore them and just close the space between your lips, but he still didn’t move.

You sighed in defeat, pulling yourself away from him to turn around and go back in since the door was right next to you, but then felt him grab you by the back of you neck, pulling you back even closer to him than before.

Your breath got caught in your throat, waiting for it to happen.

“I don’t like it when you try to walk away from me”, he growled at you and you felt his lips lightly brush against yours when he spoke.

“I’m—I’m sorry”, was all you could muster out, not really knowing why you were apologizing, but it seemed like the right thing to do in the moment.

“Don’t make it into a habit”, he finished, letting go of your neck and walking inside.

Leaving you stunned, you watched as he sat down on the couches with everyone, acting like nothing had happened and your mind was going wild.

What was this boy doing to you?

Collecting yourself after another quick stress cigarette, you practically ran back inside as you had forgotten how cold it was, the heat from Drew making you forget, you noticed how everyone had quieted down and the lights were off.

“What’s happening?”, you frowned.

“We’re watching a movie”, JD explained and you eyed around the room to find the only free spot, of course, next to Drew, on the small couch that barely fit two people.

“Great, what are we watching?”, you asked, making your way awkwardly to sit next to Drew.

“Maddie’s been bugging me to watch 365 days, so here we are”, Chase told you, earning a slap from Madelyn.

“It’s basically just porn”, you spoke before your brain could register what you had said.

“Oh, is it now? So, you’ve already watched it?”, Rudy wiggled his eyebrows at you.

“I mean—yeah, everyone was talking about it”, you tried to shrug it off, feeling how Drew’s eyes were burning at the back of your skull.

Halfway through the movie, you had noticed Drew shuffling around uncomfortably, making you smirk to yourself. You were kind of desensitized to the sex scenes since you had already seen it, but imagining Drew doing all the things to you, was not helping you keep calm.

So when you felt his hand grab yours, you turned your head to see him watching you with a serious look.

He started pulling your hand towards him, silently and slowly, making sure everyone else was still paying attention to the screen as you were kind of sat behind them.

“What are you doing?”, you mouthed to him, but didn’t get any answer, but got the idea when he lifted the waistband of his boxers, sliding your hand in until you felt your fingers graze over his hardened length.

A rush of emotions went through you, mostly excitement before you felt him pull his own hand out, leaving yours in and then pressing your hand down on top of his pants with his own, making you fully grab him in your hand. Your body felt like it was suddenly tingling, trying to believe this was actually happening.

You saw him take a sharp breath when you had him tightly in your grip and now it was your time to tease him. You knew he was expecting you to instantly start working on him, but you wanted him to suffer, just like you had.

So you, did nothing.

Simply turned your eyes to the screen, still holding him in your hand, but not moving it even an inch.

“Y/N”, Drew growled, the movie having a loud scene so he could speak without anyone hearing him.

“What?”, you smiled at him innocently.

”Move—your—hand”, he demanded, pausing between every word to make it clear as day, but you only smiled at him.

“Why?”, you cooed innocently.

Expecting him to just sigh in defeat, you definitely didn’t expect your head to snap back when his free hand was in your hair, yanking it back.

You somehow managed to quiet the gasp that escaped past your lips, only to feel his mouth next to your ear, once again.

“Don’t fucking start with me, or I swear I’ll make sure you’re wet for the next month without ever getting the satisfaction of cumming”, he spoke lowly, sending shivers down your spine.

Blinking rapidly for a moment to make sure you heard him right, it was enough for you to start moving your hand, slowly, making him know you had some control, or at least thought you had.

When The Boat Scene was starting on the screen from the movie and the song I See Red began, you felt yourself getting more and more excited, pumping your hand on Drew faster, watching as the couple on screen had sex all over the yacht.

Quiet, barely audible moans and grunts started falling from Drew’s lips made you turn your head to him, seeing how his head was leaning back on the couch, his eyes closed.

The sight only, made you feel butterflies in your stomach, your legs involuntarily pressing together.

You thought about just pulling him out of his pants and taking him in your mouth, but fought against the thought since all of your friends were in the same room.

“Drew, I need you”, you whispered to him, pumping ever faster to show him how much you wanted him.

“I know”, he chuckled before pulling your hand out, making you frown in confusion.

He checked quickly to make sure no one was watching you before placing his hands on either sides of your face, pulling you close.

“Tell me what you want”, he rasped with serious eyes.

“Drew”, you whined, knowing he knew exactly what you wanted, biting your lips in the process.

“Don’t do that”, he suddenly snapped, watching your teeth pull back your bottom lip.

“What?”, you asked, not understanding why and repeating the action.

“Bite your lip one more time, I dare you”, he clarified and you couldn’t help yourself but to do just that.

“That’s it”, he told you, getting up from the couch, catching everyone attention.

“I gotta go, I’ll be back later”, he told everyone before simply leaving.

No one seemed to notice you as you sat there, more confused now that ever.

Did you really make to wrong move? Was he actually angry?

You sat alone on the couch, the movie quickly ending but you hadn’t really paid any attention to it, your mind too occupied with Drew.

“Anyone up for drinks?”, Rudy loudly asked, people getting up and turning the lights back on.

“Yes, please”, you sighed, following him to the kitchen.

Before you could even get the glasses, Rudy’s phone went off.

“Hey—yeah, sure—okay, bye”, the call ended quickly and Rudy turned to you.

“Drew needs you at his apartment, he said it was urgent”, he told you, motioning towards the door as he seemed slightly worried.

“Oh—okay”, you faked a smile before quickly taking off, opening the front door before anyone else took notice.

Walking literally two steps forward, you knocked at the door in front of you since Drew lived just the opposite of Chase and Rudy.

Merely a second later, the door flew open and you felt yourself getting pulled in, the door slamming close behind you.

“Drew—what, uh, what’s happening?”, you frowned, trying to look around the apartment since it was actually your first time being there, but you didn’t really have any time when you were again, pulled, into his bedroom and thrown onto the bed.

Landing on your front, you rolled around on your back and were instantly faced with Drew’s lips on yours, his body hovering over you.

Not wanting anything to interrupt what you had waited for so long, you lifted your hands up to grab his hair, making sure he kept close and didn’t leave you again.

While his other hand kept him up, the other started gripping your waist roughly, his touch needy and desperate.

“Drew, please”, you begged one last time, with swollen lips, between kisses.

“Up”, he commanded and you happily obliged.

“Strip, now”, he continued, standing in front of you, eyeing you from head to toe, making you feel slightly intimidated.

You lifted your hands to slowly pull down to straps of your dress, tugging it down to your chest, breathing heavily as you were getting ready to reveal yourself to him fully.

The dress slipped down past your chest, your nipples hardening as you watched Drew’s eyes glued to them, not wearing a bra.

Finally letting go of the fabric completely, you stood before him, only in your g string, waiting for him to say or do anything.

He lifted an eyebrow at you, his eyes now looking at your underwear and you began pulling them off, your fingers going underneath the thin waistband.

“This is taking too long”, he suddenly said, pushing you back until your feet hit the edge of the bed and you fell on it.

You watched him take the tiny piece of fabric between his fingers and pull up, not down, but up.

“What are you—“, you gasped when you felt the waistband snap before he removed the fabric completely.

“Did you just—break my favorite underwear?”, you asked in slight disbelief.

“Yes, is that a problem?”, he stared you down, making you feel more intimated than before.

“N—no”, you cowarded, giving up any control you thought you had with one word.

“Thought so. Now, give me your hands”, he said and you did, before he pulled your body up on the bed and pinned your wrists down with one hand.

You didn’t look up until you felt something cold and hard against your skin, realizing he was handcuffing you to the bed frame.

A hot wave of excitement went through your body at this.

“Close your eyes and keep them closed”, he told you quietly before you felt his fingertips brushing over your collarbones, making their way down to your chest.

You didn’t want to close your eyes, you wanted to see everything he was about to do to you, but he stopped his movements when he saw your eyes still open, so you reluctantly closed them.

His touch on your skin continued and it was almost so light that it was on the edge of ticklish, but when he got down to your boobs, it turned rough.

He kneaded and massaged them, you humming in approval.

Every time you thought his palms would come in contact with your nipples, you sighed in disappointment when they never did. He was clearly doing it on purpose, still continuing to torment you.

A moment passed until you were starting to feel annoyed at the lack of touch now, so you started to twist your body slightly, trying to show him what you wanted.

But it wasn’t enough because he still avoided your most sensitive parts.

“Drew, just touch me already”, you sighed, your voice sounding kind of fed up.

“Say my name again”, he responded, not giving you the answer you wanted.

“I will when you give me some satisfaction”, you snapped back, hoping it would trigger him somehow to just take you.

“Trust me Y/N, you’ll be begging for more satisfaction when I’m done with you”, he chuckled before taking your nipples between his fingers and lightly twisting them.

A loud, uncontrollable moan came from your mouth at the contact and you felt shockwaves through you body when he stared tugging and playing with them.

But he was finished with your chest quicker than you would have liked.

Feeling his hands around your ankles, your legs flew apart quickly and you felt Drew sit between them.

You wanted to open your eyes so bad, to see him looking at your exposed self, but knew better.

You waited for a moment, for him to do something.

And then another moment.

And another.

But nothing happened and you felt the anger rising again.

“If you don’t do something, I’ll open my eyes”, you threatened.

“Do that and you won’t get anything”, he was fast to reply.

“I swear I’ll open them”, you told him.

“And I swear, I won’t touch you again”, he said in a stern voice.

“Then untie me and I’ll fucking get up and leave”, you lied, hoping he would believe you.

You didn’t get an actual response, instead, his dark laughter filled your ears.

“You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad”, he told you.

“Do something or I’ll show you how hot I am when I’m furious”, you exclaimed and finally felt his hands at your inner thighs, spreading your legs more apart.

Your anger was forgotten in a second, trying to push yourself towards Drew so he wouldn’t take any longer with touching you.

A single finger went from your entrance up to your clit, a moan falling into the quiet room.

You expected him to just stop there, but to your surprise, he immediately went to rub on your clit, sending your mind into a wild haze.

It was like someone touching you for the first time, the anticipation for this moment making it all worth the wait, but you still wanted more.

Bucking your hips up just a little, Drew got the hint as he removed his finger and you felt him get up from the bed.

You wanted to open your eyes to see what he was doing, but he was quickly back and you felt his fingers pressing against your entrance, gliding in effortlessly, thanks to how wet you were.

Him inching himself in more and more, you frowned a little. His fingers seemed, really thick?

And then you realized, they weren’t his fingers, but a dildo.

“Where’d you get that?”, you quickly blurted out, not wanting to share the toys he might have used before.

“Don’t worry, I got it yesterday just for you”, he read your mind and your stomach tingled at the fact that he had done that.

You were fully prepared to reply, but nothing came out of your mouth when you felt him push the toy all the way in and pull it out, just to push it back in.

It didn’t take him long to find the rhythm that had you moaning and whimpering in seconds.

You thought you couldn’t last for more than a minute and wanted to warn him, but then felt the toy leave you completely.

A pair of hands were around you waist, flipping you over on your stomach.

A sharp stinging pain shocked you, realizing he had just spanked you, hard.

“Mm, Drew”, you moaned, lifting you ass up for him to do it again.

He repeated the action a few times until you heard him chuckle again.

“You’re such a good little slut, Y/N”, the comment earning another moan from you.

He flipped you over again, his other hand holding your waist tightly, pushing you down to keep you in place when his other hand pushed two fingers in, your head falling back in pure pleasure.

“Tell me you want me”, his voice sounded distant through the pleasure you were receiving.

“Tell me, you want me”, he repeated, now more firmly, but you still couldn’t give him an answer.

A harsh slap on your cheek brought you back to reality.

“Fucking answer me”, his voice was loud and clear, your eyes flying open to see him staring at you with a lustful stare.

The slap didn’t hurt, you just weren’t expecting it and it only made you more excited if even possible.

“I—I want you”, you rasped, trying to find your voice.

“Louder”, he demanded, not happy with your quiet voice.

“I want you”, you raised your voice just below a yell, making sure he heard you loud and clear this time.

And it was enough for him.

Watching him get up and remove his clothes, you had to keep your mouth for watering at the outline of his cock in his underwear.

Yes, you had had him in your hand, but the sight of actually seeing him, was mesmerizing.

The world around you seemed to slow down when he pushed down the boxers for you to see him fully.

Not to give away too much, but he wasn’t the average size.

You had to physically shake your head slightly to not stare, but Drew had noticed it and was smirking when he reached to his nightstand to grab a condom.

“You sure you’re ready for this?”, he asked after placing himself between your legs.

You wanted to give him a sarcastic comment, but instead just raised your eyebrows at him in a challenging way, not wanting anything to get in the way of him filling you up.

He flipped you around once again, lifting your ass up until your knees were supporting you.

You felt his hands groping your cheeks before the tip of his dick was at your entrance.

Taking a deep breath, you prepared for him to fully enter you, but definitely didn’t wait for him to just shove himself in like he did.

A mixture between a moan and a gasp loudly fell from your lips, but Drew didn’t give you any time to adjust, quickly finding a fast pace to pound into you.

“Oh god”, you moaned into the pillow beneath you, your hands trying to grip at anything, but the handcuffs restraining you.

“Fuck”, Drew groaned in response before pulling out and flipping you on your back, already pushing back in and finding even a faster pace than before.

“Drew”, you moaned his name, your eyes opening and closing in the blinding pleasure.

“Shut up”, Drew tried to take some control when you noticed him losing control over himself, his pounding becoming slightly uneven.

“Drew”, you moaned again, hoping it would help him reach his peak as you were coming close to yours.

His hands flew up to your neck, choking you, sending you almost over the edge which caused you to tense up your pelvic muscles.

“Oh shit”, the words flew from his mouth, his head shooting back when he came, your own body trembling with pleasure.

A few slow thrusts more and he pulled himself out and laid next to you, your eyes closing with a smile on your face, feeling sleepy after the overwhelming fulfillment you just received.

“Y/N?”, you heard Drew’s voice, but didn’t bother to answer, feeling like sleep was the better option out of anything right now.

“Y/N”, he repeated more firmly and you groaned when you opened your eyes and turned your head to him.

Only to see him looking down at you with a mix of shock and worry on his face.

“What?”, you quickly asked, getting up to rest on your elbows.

He just stared at you for a moment before speaking.

“The condom broke”.

[pepperf]

for the weird writer's asks: 5, 14, 18, 33, 35, ahhh I want to ask you too many of these, even though I kind of know the answers to some of them! I just like hearing you talk about writing and related topics. :) So answer those, if you like, and then please pick one or two more that YOU would like to answer. <3

lol - I love all these questions but this took me so long! XD

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

I think the only one is that I don’t post WIPs. It’s not so much a superstition as it is self-awareness: I know that historically I am massively less likely to keep going once I’ve started getting comments. And if I do get comments, I create a situation where I’m relying on more of them every time in order to keep my motivation up (and that’s not how a lot of my fandoms work). Plus I like to be able to go back and make small tweaks to the start, once I get to the end, because often it’s not until I finish a story that I know the theme of it.

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

I do lend books to people, and mostly I forget where they've gone, aside from one that I tried to get back, but the person insisted that it was in fact theirs and they'd bought it years ago - and I had to let it go because I actually still have a book I borrowed from them but I'm still annoyed about it (but I went and bought myself another copy because it's the kind of out of print short story book that I might want in 20 years and be unable to find) (yeah I'm still annoyed about it but I bought it when it was NEW dammit and I've had it since I was a teenager) (look it's just words it doesn't matter). I used to write or stamp my name into books, but I got bored of that, tbh, and I've tried to learn to let go and be less possessive of material objects, because it doesn't bring me happiness. XD And I do want people to read things I love!

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

Okay, just bc I wanted to talk about it, have this bit from ‘and all my scars remind me (my worst days are behind me)’:

"Are you a cop?"

He stops short, a series of reactions flashing across his expressive face. He was never any good at hiding his emotions. "Are you a cop?" he counters.

"No, but then I never applied to join the police academy."

He hates lying. She can see him struggling to answer, and that's answer enough. "You still live here, don't you?" Ire rises in her. "Is this what you've done with your life, since I left? Absolutely nothing?"

His expression hardens. "Okay, we're done here," he snaps, gesturing to the door. "I'm not accountable to you. Get out!"

"Jesus Christ, Diego!"

He drops his arm and steps towards her, apparently resigning himself to this fight. "Oh, what, like you've gone on to such great heights?" he snarls. "Last I heard, you were working for a debt collection agency! Still breaking people's kneecaps for unpaid medical bills?"

He was always more dangerous when cornered. "Fuck you, I never did that kind of shit," she retorts, stung into anger.

"Extorting old ladies for back rent, then!"

This came from a discussion I had with @wheresmytowel about the idea that Diego and Lila ought to work on themselves alone before they get together, and/or the idea that they’d bring each other down in their current disorganised states. We both felt, I think, that actually there was no reason they couldn’t grow while they were together - and, even more, that they’re actually good for each other in that way, they help each other to improve.

I wanted to show my take on it, with them both stagnating after they’d had a relationship and broken up - how that combination of being alone and brokenhearted, and just the simple fact of not having someone in their life who loves and supports them, means that they both kind of end up in a similar place to where Diego is at the start of s1, pottering along in fairly unhappy existences.

They both believe the best about one another, that’s one of the things I love about them as a couple - they think each other is pretty fucking amazing, even when no one else does. That’s why Lila in particular is bitter, here - she’d thought she was breaking up with Diego for his own good, but he’s not taken that freedom and gone on to achieve his dreams, like she’d expected. And Diego is hurt that she left him, and pissed that she thinks she’s still got the right to judge his life.

I took a while to figure out where Lila would be, in this. I knew that she’d broken up with him just before he entered the academy, so in her head he’s already made detective, etc. I wanted her to have gone from a starting point of being with Diego at 19, learning some stuff about professional fighting, and then being out on her own again. It had to be a bit of a tough-guy career, because she’s competitive, but something a bit on the grey market, because she’s keeping her head down and avoiding the attention of any authorities. I think this one was @wheresmytowel‘s suggestion. :D

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?

I do! I am a visual artist as well - drawing, painting, photography, printmaking, video, animation...you name it, I've tried it. And it definitely ties in. I did a Fine Art degree because I wanted to be a writer, and I thought that doing an English degree would tie me up in knots too much. I still don't know if that was the right choice, but it was certainly A choice (honestly, actually, I stand by that reasoning, but I should've gone to a better art college). And it's good to change it up: I find that at times I just need to step away from writing and do visual stuff instead, or crafts, or or baking, or something that is Not Words. But almost always I've tied words into the stuff I do, somehow (one of my favourite artists is Jenny Holzer, who is All About the words). I don't see how you could ever truly separate different arts, even if they seem unrelated, they're all coming from one central point - and that's beautiful, man. And words are my bag, ultimately.

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

Uhhh...oh! I love to write tropes, I refuse to call them clichés, I think these things are well-established for a reason, that people love them and have a connection with them, and they create something really satisfying. They are also a good framework to play with expectations, to subvert them or use them in a different way. That’s what I love - playing with the fact that this is fiction, that there are established expectations, and that those can be used in all sorts of ways.

And one I’d like to answer...

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice…what do you Know?

I’m actually doing this at the moment. I decided to write an AU in the inexplicably-under-explored world of British local government, and it’s weird how much it feels like I’m speaking my own language. I never feel like I’m writing in another language, almost all the shows I love are American so that’s what I’ve been submerged in for the last, god, 30 years??? But, as you can attest, @bethanyactually, it’s still not actually my native tongue, lol! I still have to ask about some things, and speech patterns don’t necessarily come naturally to me. So writing Lila has been great generally - but even more so when I put her in her/my own country, in a setting that I know. It’s making me want to write more of the kinds of stories I love, but set here.

Okay, I think I’ll stop there! Thank you!!!

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

Schooling

A/N: hi anon! From what you’re requesting it’s pretty obvious that you’re struggling a grave bit with schooling and as someone who has been there (literally, I changed my major five times), I want to assure you that everything always falls into place the way it should be. I believe in you! 

Also, as i was posting this I remembered that I don’t know how schooling works in the USA so I just wrote it from a Belgian perspective. 

Summary: could u do a richie x reader where reader wants to be a musician but their parents are forcing them into sum hard uni course, but the readers getting awful grades and then accidentally applies to a random easy program instead of the hard one and freaks out tht her future ruined, so richie convinces the reader she doesn’t need to worry bc she’ll be a famous musician instead

High school was not a thriving environment for you. You had your friends, the losers club, who you adored and couldn’t imagine your life without, but you were also bullied relentlessly, and you weren’t fond of the studying part of the school dynamic. No one is, supposedly, but compared to Stan and Ben – both possessing the motivation and drive to put it in the effort, and Richie and Mike who were effortlessly smart, you felt lost.

The idea of college was the only thing holding you up, the only motivation to get through your high school years. That musical course you planned on taking was a bright light at the end of the tunnel. In hindsight’s, you accumulated way too much pressure on yourself for imagining college to be this amazing place where you would get to thrive in life. The reality was a lot more grim.

The first problems arose in choosing your major. Your friends had all zoned in on one – or were getting close to at least-, but you were clueless about what the right thing to do was. There were worlds apart between what you thought would truly bring you joy in life, and what your parents were manipulating you into choosing.

Your parents, at least when you’re younger, have the biggest influence on your view on the world and the way you see yourself fit in it. When your parents pushed you towards a biology degree, and kept at it for months, you agreed.

From day one, you knew it had been a mistake. You shared a few classes with Stan, and those all went over fine -because you had a friend around that you needed to stay strong for-, but the moment you had your first class, a deep feeling of dread settled inside you. Despite not enjoying high school like some might, at that moment you hoped for a miracle to turn back time.

Tests passed by in a flurry, and as each one got progressively worse, your mental health followed suit. You were caught in a visions cycle of bad grades and bad emotions, and it drained you so bad that anything that could potentially have anything to do with school, like emails, send you into a frenzy.

The inevitable happens on a Wednesday after school. You wasted a lot of time thinking of what could be, and winded up at the school that organized the musical course. On the home page of the sight, there had been a test titled: ‘is our schooling up your lane?’, and you, snorting with irony, took it to be coy. They asked a bunch of personal questions, and you didn’t think anything of it, until you received and email to state that you had started your admission to the school. The month long building tension snapped, and you started crying hysterically. You weren’t sure what you had done and if it was even anything to worry about, but everything got to be too much, and you wanted your best friend with you.

Richie arrived a mere ten minutes after your phone call, and let himself in to your bedroom where you were still crying on the bed. Thank god your parents weren’t home.

‘What’s up with you?’ Richie asked incredibly, sinking down on his back next to you on the bed. You appreciated the lack of fake sympathy and pity.

‘Same old,’ was the only thing you could come up with to say. You didn’t know if you had the energy to rehash everything again.

‘Your schooling again?’

‘It’s my schooling everyday Richie. It’s important.’

‘Is it as important as hanging out with me?’ It coaxes a laugh out of you, but the lighthearted moment is quickly squashed. You can’t shut off your kind and live in the moment. With everything you do, the reality slams on you, never allowing you to have a break.

‘Yes Richie. I know that school doesn’t matter to you, but it does to me. My parents will kill me if they find out I applied to this course. Help me.’

Your leg begins to bounce, a sign that your anxiety is taking over completely. Richie can recognize the signs, as he himself displays them often.

‘Calm down y/n, you’ll just follow the music program and became a musician. I’ll pay you to be my support act, and all of the losers will come to watch us. It’ll be fine.’

‘For you maybe, but my parents will kill me when they find out.’ It’s true. Before you enrolled in biology, you had already hinted at maybe following a music path, and your mom had shut it down faster then you could even finish your sentence.

Richie snorts. ‘Your parents are mad at you all the time. Who cares, in a few years you’ll be out of there and you won’t have to listen to them ever.’

‘But-‘

‘Y/N/N, come on’, Richie interrupts cheerfully. He throws one of his legs atop your to stop your leg from moving. ‘You’re stressing over nothing. If you can tell Bowers to fuck if you can do anything.’

‘Well Bowers was nothing, he’s just pathetic. This’, you empathizes ,‘is my future Richie.’ You sigh, completely disheartened. Your pc screen is lit up, and you notice a new email pop up from your new school. You can’t take it, why can’t you have a few moments to collect your thoughts?

‘What if I’m not good enough?’ You ask him quietly, sagging against Richie for support. It’s now that your true stress comes out. Your parents views are a problem, but if you were truly convinced that you could do it, you would go against their wishes anyway. ‘What if I do this, and I have to hear about how disrespectful I am for years, and it doesn’t pay off?’

Cruelly, Richie laughs. That’s weird. Richie is never fully serious, he always has a way to alter a situation into something cheerful, but he’ll never be intentionally rude.

‘Please? Not being good enough? You’re the best musician I’ve ever seen and heard.’

‘We live in Derry, that’s not saying much.’

‘I mean it. My second favorite thing is listening to you with your instrument, my favorite is still fucking Eddie’s mom though.’ A mom joke while you were debating over your major was not something you were aiming for, but hey, it’s Richie. Are you really surprised?

‘What do I do if I fail?’

‘You won’t. But if you do, you can always do that one year school thing right? You have the rest of your life to do the adult thing, why not choose your happiness now?’

It’s profound in a way Richie isn’t often -and in a way that people don’t credit him enough-. He has a hard time being serious, but you know that once he is, he always tells the truth. Maybe this time, he is too.

‘You truly believe that?’

‘It’s as true as my wang is long.’

‘Gross’, you protest, but his words light a fire under u. It gives you a whole new wave of confidence, a way to see things from a different perspective. Why wouldn’t you go for it and take the chance? Why should you be stuck doing something you take no pride or joy in. Your parents will be a problem, but this is not the life they have to life. They have made their own decisions, and now it’s time for you to take yours. Are you willing to do something for the rest of your life simply for your parents approval?

Another email filters in, one to confirm your decision to enroll in the new major. Richie intertwines your hands, offering up more strength to do what you have to. With one last encouraging smile, you nod to yourself, and press accept.

[yangrdn]

Cherry Chap Stick

pairing: Mj x Fem!Reader

a/n: it literally took me MONTHS to finish this bc of lack of motivation and time. But oh my god ... it’s finally done!! Bad news: there’s gonna be a part 2 to this, because else I wouldn’t post it now. It’s my longest fic so far, but ig i’ll write more in future or also part it in 2 parts. enjoy!!

part 2

Summary: You ask your crush, or uses to be crush, for help

words: 2.3k

Warnings: none

my masterlist

→ → → → → → → →

Your heart drops at the sight of the two of them laughing at something he whispered into her ear. Peter and Mj have been spending a lot of time together lately and you don't know how to feel about it. You'd be happy, of course, but then again, you wish you could sit there. No, not with Peter, but with Mj. 

You look back down to your open spanish book and try to concentrate on the task, blocking out the giggles leaving her mouth after he told another, what seems to be, joke. Your mind is racing 100 miles a second trying to find out the answer to the question in your book and trying to listen to the two of your friends at the same time, until, finally, your teacher tells you to pack your things and gives you the homework for the next week. You quickly pack your things and storm out, trying not to walk with Peter and Mj, but you fail. 

"Hey!" You turn around to be met with Peter waving at you and smiling. You smile back and greet him with a quiet 'hello' before letting your head sink again. 

"What's wrong? You seem so...off?" he seemed to notice. Usually you're the one talking non stop and telling him about your week and other exciting things, so of course your sudden silence worries him.

"I just...I don't know. I'm just thinking." You sigh and turn your head to him to let him know you are ok. 

Your mind was racing 100 miles a second. Two days ago you thought you had a crush on your best friend, Peter, turns out you were wrong. So. Very. Wrong. You were sitting in front of your phone when you realized. Katy perry's voice repeating the words over and over again as you scrolled through the endless amount of videos with the same sound on TikTok. In every single video, the girl was kissing another girl and you just couldn't stop thinking about it. What if the girl could've been you and...her? First you thought it was Peter, but then you noticed the different feeling you got thinking about her and let your phone drop. This was all so new for you. 

"About what?" he asks, "you know, you can tell me anything. We're best friends, right?" he says now, much more concerned. You sigh and continue walking after you nod. 

You have only liked boys, and now a girl? At first you tried to excuse it as platonic love. I mean, friends are very close to each other, right? Like, hugging and kissing each other's cheeks? Or cuddling and wanting the other to care about you. But the way you thought about her crossed the line between friends and lovers already. 

You are sitting next to Peter at lunch, whilst Ned is talking about some new lego set he got a week ago. He seems excited so you try your best to seem interested and look like you're listening. But a certain someone keeps distracting you.

"Are you even listening?" Mj snaps her fingers in front of your face twice and laughs. 

"Huh? Uh, yes. I was just thinking...about," you look around the room, "someone." Ned's eyes widen as he sends Peter a look. 

"About someone? Uhm, who?" Peter sits up straighter and purses his lips, trying not to seem interested. You bite the inner side of your cheek and look at Mj, but her head is buried back into her book. 

You sigh. "It's no one, I gotta go." You take your backpack and leave the room, not daring to look behind you. 

After school you don't hesitate before packing your things and going out, leaving your friends confused behind you, calling your name. 

First thing you do is run into your room and close the door, after throwing our backpack on the floor. You let yourself fall face-first on your bed and lay there for some minutes on your stomach, thinking about today, and Mj. 

"Whyyyyy" you whine and turn around laying on your bed. You didn't even have someone to talk about it. You can't tell Mj, because she would ask how you found out and about who you thought. Ned? No, he would go and tell someone else, even on accident.               

Your parents? You don't know how Steve would react. Sure, he is very accepting and you don't think he would bash or embarrass you, but things were way different back then. Bucky? No, he would tell Steve. That leaves you no other chance but to go to your other best friend, Peter. Even if it means risking and telling him you had a crush on him, or at least thought you liked him in that way. 

You quickly jump out of your bed and grab your phone, which lays on the floor after you failed to throw it on your bed. 

The phone rings twice before you hear Peter's voice from the speaker.

"Hello?" 

"Peter, do you have a minute?" you ask, fumbling with your fingers and biting your bottom lip. Your voice probably shaes, because he immediately notices. 

"Uh, yeah. Did something happen? Should I come over?" You smile at him worrying and shake your head, forgetting that he can't see you. 

"Yes and yes. Maybe you can come over now? It's nothing bad, promise. I just...need to talk, y'know?" 

"Yeah, yeah. K, I'll be there in 10," he says and hangs up. 

You quickly lay your phone on your desk and run to the bathroom, washing your face and breathing in and out. How are you going to tell him? "oh yeah, hey Pete. So uhhh...I thought I had a crush on you because I was sad when I saw you and Mj together but turns out that I actually had a crush on Mj and was mad that she was with you." ? No, absolutely not. 

Your heart starts to beat faster after you hear a silent knock on your door. 

"Uh..come in!" You say and leave the bathroom to sit on the bed in the middle of your room. Your heartbeat is so loud and strong, that you're sure Peter can hear it the minute he enters your room. 

"Hey! Is everything alright? You sounded so...worried on the phone," he asks and sits next to you. 

"Uh..yes? I actually wanted to ask you something and don't know how to start..." You look down at your feet on the floor, knitting your hands and biting your lip again. How are you supposed to tell him you've fallen for a girl? Your best friend?

"What's it about? You know you can trust me, right? You're my best friend, I'll always listen to you." You smile at his tenderness and feel another warm feeling spread through you, which makes you stop for a second. But it's not the same warmth you get when talking with Mj or just looking at her. You sigh. 

"It's kind of complicated. I...like someone and 

don't know how to feel about it?" You look up and into his brown eyes. You catch him staring at your lips and quickly look away again, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in his presence. 

"Uhm...that's great?" he says, which comes out more like a question than a statement. 

"Who's it?" he digs in deeper.

 "Oh, is it Brad? Or Flash? Well, I don't think you're in love with Flash, because he-" 

"That's the problem," you calmly say whilst looking anywhere but at him. 

"Problem? So...it is Flash? Or someone else you can't ge-" 

"Peter, it's not even a boy!" you sigh and throw yourself back, now laying on your back and hiding your face in your hands. You feel a blush creep up your face and spread at the back of your neck. 

“Uh...what?” he asks, in hopes he heard you wrong. “You’re in love with a...girl?” he asks again. You feel tears prick your eyes at the way he says girl, as if he is filled with disgust. You nod once and risk moving your hands away from your eyes, opening your eyes and meeting his gaze. The moment he notices the tears in your eyes, his eyes soften too and he sighs. 

“I didn’t mean to sound so...rude. I just- it 's, ugh.” He sighs again and looks up. 

“I didn’t expect that, like, at all. Who 's it?” 

You sit up and take a look at him before speaking up. 

“Will you promise me not to judge?” you ask.

“I’d never, promise,” he says and shakes his head. 

“Uhm, it’s one of our friends. Her name’s,” you exhale, “Mj.” You immediately look away when her name leaves your mouth and squint your eyes, scared of Peter’s reaction. 

“I- Mj?” he asks, trying to make sure that he heard you right. You turn your head to him and nod, biting the inner side of your cheek, a habit you get every time you are nervous in a situation. He quickly lowers his head low, scared you would notice the tears filling his eyes at the mention of his and your best friend. 

These past days, he did notice your gaze resting on him and it gave him hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, you felt the same towards him. But every time he would meet your longing stares and dreamy expression, Mj was next to him. So you didn’t look at him, you were looking at Mj this whole time. And Mj was only hanging out with Peter so often last week, because he asked her if she could help him, help him to ask you out. All the struggle to think about what you are interested in for nothing. 

“Yes? You’re- you’re not mad right? I mean, you like her a-” you get cut off by him.

“I’m not mad. And uhm...how did you find out?” he asks now, directly looking into your eyes. Your cheeks redden and you exhale before explaining. 

“Uhm, y’know how Mj and you have been hanging out a lot together, lately?” He nods. “Well, I thought you were the one I had a crush on because I got mad so fast...turns out it was her the whole time.” You feel him shift next to you and sit up straight, inhaling. 

“Uh-” His voice cracks and he coughs. “You..you don’t like me? As in, more than a friend?” You shake your head and sigh again. 

“No. Like I said; it was Mj this whole time, but I thought it was you because…, you trail off and look up at the ceiling as another rush of embarrassment runs through you. 

“Because?” 

“I did like you for a long time in 7th grade, but then when we met Mj and she started to hang out with us, with you, I guess I didn’t really think about how I lost feelings for you, and developed some for her.” 

“Okay, so what exactly do you want to do now? Do you- do you want to confess? I don’t kno-”

“Ughhhh, why’s life so complicated?” You let yourself fall back, back pressed against your bed and with your hands covering your teary eyes. Peter takes your hands and makes you open your eyes, looking up at him. He caresses his thumb over your palm and gives you a smile. 

“Do you want to confess to her? Like, tell her you’re..?” He stops and frowns.

“Bi? I mean, at least I think I’m bi...I’m still new to this, but I guess that’s it, I still have time to figure it out..so.” You shrug and sit up again. You are not wrong. You still had time to figure this all out, and at the moment, that was the label you felt comfortable with. You liked Peter, and then Mj. 

“Yeah, that. Do you want to tell her first and see how she reacts? I mean, you should feel comfortable doing that, so if you don’t, it’s ok. But it’d be better if you did- not that I’m pressuring you or anything. I really want you to feel comf-” You let out a breathy laugh as you feel your cheeks heat up again.

 You loved how much he cared about you, one of the reasons why you  thought about telling him first, before anyone else. He always wanted to make sure all his friends and important people, to him, were safe and felt comfortable with telling him important things. Like right now, he’s thankful that you trusted him enough to talk about this. 

“Peter, breath! It’s okay, really, I’m comfortable right now.” He nods and lets go of your hand again. 

“Thank you,” you look at him through your lashes and catch a smile from him. 

“Always. But what are you gonna do? Do you- do you want to tell your parents first?” 

“I don’t know. I just want to think about everything at first, and then later on tell someone else, y’know? Not tryna rush this or anything.” 

“Yeah, I get that.” 

For the rest of the day, you were thinking about how to tell your parents and if you were right or not. Your mind kept telling you that you don’t like her. Maybe it was just thinking she was pretty? Maybe you were just longing for touch and because she was not touchy, you liked the idea of hugging her and being the only one to do so. But maybe, the thought that kept you up the whole night, you were faking it all and still liked Peter and your mind was playing tricks with you. Regardless, you just couldn’t close your eyes and rest for a second, the thought of your parents, the Avengers or any other of your friends reacting bad and being disgusted. 

But then again, if they really loved you, they wouldn’t think any less of you. And you also didn’t know their views on these type of things, so you could be completely wrong. 

→ → → → → → → →

》feedback is appreciated!《

[sillyandquiteawkward]

little father and bayley fic under the cut bc i forgot my ao3 password and im lazy. hope you enjoy

Food supplements and leafy greens sat on Doctor Bayley's plate, which he picked at distastefully. The Director of the Institute, Father, sat across from him, making decent headway with his own meal.

"I don't think I can ever learn to enjoy the food supplements. This flavor isn’t palatable either," Bayley curtly complained with a heavy sigh. He felt Father's lingering judgement upon him for refusing most of his meal again, without even having to look up. He poked at the slab of supplement with the tines of his fork. Even the various flavors the Institute boasted of supplements couldn't save Bayley from the pastes, powders, and bars turning his stomach. He was trying his best to find a flavor he could stand, but to Bayley, even mirelurk was easier to eat. At least the fresh vegetables were decent, if not simply boiled or baked if cooked at all. "I'd kill for some real meat on your menu."

"Come now, Doctor, we have little need to slaughter irradiated animals for food in this day and age. BioScience has developed the perfect meal dozens of times over, consisting of the exact amount of daily nutrients a man like yourself needs," Father replies coolly. Bayley glared at the older man. Of course he'd like them -- he grew up on the damn things. Well, Bayley grew up on real food!

"Designed a food that doesn't even fill your stomach," he mumbled behind his mug as he took a sip. Now to their credit, this was something Bayley actually liked. The coffee wasn't stale 200 year old beans and grounds. My god, they perfected the damn synthetic coffee and Bayley couldn't imagine going back.

Father confidently smirked, passing smoothly over Bayley's remark with a gentle shake of his head. "You poor surface dwellers, eating any and all the food you can scrounge to stave off hunger. I'm glad we were able to save you from that life. Give it time, Doctor. Your stomach will re-adjust to your new diet."

Bayley scoffed dismissively and set his fork down to keep nursing his coffee. Father took his own sip of tea. The pair fell into a dip of silence, accompanied by the gentle clink of silverware against plate as Father continued to finish off his lunch. Behind them a few tables over, there was a slight chatter from another pair of scientists in the cafeteria. Licking a crumb of food supplement left on the edge of his mug with a grimace, Bayley listened to their distant hushed conversation. Sounded like gossip about another scientist’s love affair... Hard to believe that even the “perfect” Institute could be filled with, what was ultimately, humans.

Father spoke up after a minute of Bayley straining to eavesdrop, "Why don't you tell me about yourself, Doctor?"

"...Why?" Bayley eyed Father suspiciously. "Don't you already know all about me? Isn't that why I'm here?"

Father took a warm sip of his mug before continuing. "I know about your reputation, or lack thereof." Bayley all but growled at the dig. "And I know you care deeply for the progress of humanity, as do I, albeit a tad misguided. You’re a highly intelligent man, Doctor, but I'm afraid I don't know about you, personally. I'd like to remedy that."

What could Bayley tell Father about? Why should he? Oh, but he loved to talk about himself... Bayley leaned back in his chair with folded hands in his lap, food left forgotten on his plate. "What is there to say? I'm a man married to his work, who likes breathing fresh air. On the surface."

“What got you into studying radiation?” Bayley noticed Father missed his complaint, or at least was ignoring it. “Surely you didn’t set out from the start on such a dangerous fascination.” Father had a look of curiosity on his face that seemed genuine to Bayley, although he still had suspicions this had ulterior motives.

“It was almost from the beginning actually. As I studied medicine in my youth, traveling along the Wasteland, I have to admit,” Bayley paused to consider his wording. “I had a distinct admiration of the ghoul’s ability to utilize radiation to build themself anew. The destructive power of radiation makes using it dangerous and even deadly, true, but I imagined a world where we could manipulate the human body to replicate how a ghoul’s body uses the gamma particles destructive properties to heal themselves, sans the ghoulification process of course.” Okay, so maybe he planned to be cagey, but Father just had to ask him about the thing he’s devoted his entire life to. Sorry, he’s gonna get excited. “I’d seen first hand ghouls reattach long lost limbs to themselves and remain functional, ferals even being brought back to life by glowing ones’ radiation bursts, and the stories of people growing functional limbs from radiation exposure caught my particular attention at a young age.”

“Fascinating things ghouls are, although their rotten brains and appearance are less than desirable. If anything their longevity is what catches my attention. Living over hundreds of years...” Father drifts off, looking past Bayley. “Imagine what one could achieve with that extra time.”

“Living forever doesn’t matter if you aren’t healthy,” Bayley corrected. “What’s the point of living if you are just suffering every day. I’m focusing myself to helping people in this day and age, instead of chasing functional immortality.”

“Maybe that’s the difference between us,” Father sighs. “Everything I do is for tomorrow, and tomorrow’s tomorrow. Humanity's future lies in our successor’s hands. It’s a shame we cannot directly work with our future generations to combine our knowledge. All we can do is help prepare them for when we are gone.”

“Eventually people in charge need to step down and let the fresh ideas in, otherwise we’ll collectively stagnate. We are stubborn creatures who hate change, snuffing out ideas that contradict our own. If someone like you lived forever, he’d never give up the reins.”

“I suppose you’d do the same,” Father states blandly, eyes half-lidded. “As you said, we are stubborn creatures.”

Bayley sputters, sitting back up in his chair. “No, I am the innovator in this scenario! I’ve been ostracized for my ideas, kicked out and shunned. No one sees my potential to change the world!”

“And in your age, have you begun to prepare an heir to your scientific knowledge, Doctor? Or do you think you can finish this chronicle yourself, with the few years left in your life?”

“I-I have to prove myself first! No one trusts my work because they don’t see the proof -- which I was working on when you so kindly stole me away from my clinic and subjects!” Bayley hissed, gripping the edge of the table.

Unphased, Father folded his hands on the table. “I trust your work, Doctor Bayley. I’ve seen your studies, seen what you can do when you are truly devoted to a cause. This is why I wanted you with us at the Institute. I want you to share your knowledge to us, so that we may pass it to the future with us. Let us help you ensure your legacy. We have the same goals, and we even have similar methods if you can believe it. Imagine what we can do together when we combine our knowledge, for humanity’s sake.”

Bayley raised an eyebrow at that. “Similar goals perhaps, but I wont be a part of the kidnapping and killing of Commonwealth citizens. You Institute folk are outrageously barbaric for all your self-righteousness.”

“We simply know how to weigh the importance of breaking a few eggs for the omelette. You too understand this principle closely, don’t you?”

Bayley grimaced flatly. “You truly know how to charm a man to your side.” This conversation was over if Bayley had anything to say about it, which he did. He gulped from his mug, keeping it up to his mouth as he turned physically away from Father. He’ll finish this and go back to his room. Trapped in the Institute with these madmen, forced to go along with things else suffer the same fate as the hundreds of others taken to the Institute. And Father had the gall to act like they were the same, that Bayley could excuse innocents murdered for “science.” He slammed the mug back onto the table.

“I hope you’ll understand one day soon, Doctor. I really do.” Father sighed, closing his eyes in defeat as Bayley stood up.

“I don’t want to understand,” Bayley said as he stormed past Father back to the concourse.

It was too much to think about, if Bayley was being honest with himself. He grit his teeth climbing the stairs, tense. A scientist descending the stairs stood to the side as Bayley passed, clearly wanting to give the angry man some space and avoid any conflict. Good. If he was to stay here, people should give way for him. Now if only Father was like that. He passed a pair of expressionless generation two synth guards eyeing their laser weapons as he ascended the next flight.

God, he was annoyed. Of course Father had to go ruin another meal together talking nonsense of Bayley hurting others. He tried his best not to hurt his subjects -- everyone was willing and importantly, no one had died under his care! Sick perhaps in the early days... but it wasn’t death! Bayley couldn’t stand the idea his great idea could possibly kill others when it was supposed to be helping them. If he was ever responsible for someone’s death...

Bayley slid open the automatic door to his small, barren room. It was just a simple bed and desk, which was plenty for Bayley, but he wished he had his trinkets and such if he was going to be living here until the day he dies. He collapsed onto the stiff bed, face pressing against the cool pillow. He missed his couch. He missed his clinic. Bayley even considered he missed being annoyed by Jonathan and Jay’s antics. Jay would try his best to cheer him out of this spiraling train of thought, and Jon would know plenty of things to distract him with.

If he was ever responsible for their deaths, Bayley considered he’d quit on the spot. He’d probably become deeply depressed until he really did just curl up and die, however fast it came after. All his life’s work to save humanity, and he’d killed the only people who trusted him most to do so.

But the truly terrible part of him hidden away deep in his heart wondered that if someone was to die as a result of his work, perhaps even if he wasn’t working willingly with the Institute, that he'd simply wouldn’t care.

[queen-of-bel]

finally gonna write up my thoughts on lost judgment now that i’ve finished everything and had some time to digest it all

putting under a cut bc this is gonna be long, even by my usual ramble-y standards

As always, bad first before good, but my nits/complaints with LJ are... mostly minor, I’m gonna be honest. 

I do wish that there were more dynamic intros for bosses. The ones that we did get were absolutely amazing, so it’s not like RGG can’t do it. I’m not sure why they skimped out on dynamic intros for this game, but that was a bit disappointing, not gonna lie.

Also, does anyone want to tell me why an action/beat em up style game somehow managed to make their BOXING minigame the least fun of them all? Like good lord, you really would’ve assumed that making boxing fun would’ve been a cakewalk for them.

And speaking of poorly balanced things, the Amon fight was underwhelmingly easy. I’ve always LOVED the Amon fights in these games bc they absolutely kick my ass and I have so much fun with them. This one, though? I beat it second attempt on hard without even really trying too much. I remember afterwards just thinking “is that it?” So yeah. That was kind of a bummer.

Probably my most substantial complaint I have tho is how much of a backseat the first game’s characters/plot took. I know that RGG said you don’t need to play the first game in order to play LJ, but... come on. It’s a sequel. Who cares about spoiling the first game? I really would’ve LOVED to see what Okubo or Hamura are up to now. Or to hear Sugiura’s thoughts on Sawa’s death since it mirrored his own sisters’ murder in so many ways.

Still, I can’t say that this really bothered me too much, because...

The good

Holy shit. The characters in LJ just... I’m not gonna lie. I kinda like these characters a bit more than the first cast. I still love everyone from the first game dearly, but I felt like LJ’s writing was a significant step up from the first game, and that really helped their character writing.

I feel like Judgment suffered from poor pacing at times in the first few chapters. It’s not always clear which way the story is going to go-- there’s some weird shoe-horned in drama with Kaito/Adachi, and making the player discover the truth about Higashi’s past so early on in the game also felt a bit out of left field. I remember just like “lmao i don’t even know this dude who cares?��� Once the ball started rolling, though, the game is phenomenal.

But this is my review of LJ, not it’s predecessor.

Anyway, I feel like LJ didn’t have any of those pacing issues. It just throws you into the madness and does not stop. It was nice that nearly NONE of the side content was mandatory, so it just felt like I was able to be fully immersed in the story and not get distracted with having to do like... drone racing or things like that.

And god was that story amazing. There are few times that I’ve genuinely cried at a video game, and I’m not ashamed to admit that this was one of them.

Regarding the story themes of bullying and how it’s handled... Even though I feel that was absolutely the strongest part of LJ, I... actually don’t want to dive into it too much in this post. If anyone has been keeping up with my playthrough tag, they can piece together how I feel about it. It just... mirrored a lot of what had happened in my own past and at times, the game became almost too difficult to play. Not in a bad way, but the game hit close to home a lot and that made me sympathize with Kuwana probably more than is socially acceptable to LOL

Speaking of Kuwana, can I just take some time to gush about his character? When he first was introduced I rolled my eyes at how boring he seemed but holy fuck, I take that ALL back. I’ve written more about how I feel about Kuwana here, but this man is easily my favorite RGG character now.

His motives, his sense of justice, how he executes that justice... Christ. I’ve always been partial to the “vigilante killer who recognizes that he’s on the wrong path” trope anyway, but Kuwana just blows them out of the water. When you see how he actively attempts to make amends for what he did, it’s so hard to blame him. 

Even when Reiko betrays him, he harbors no grudge over it. He feels that it’s his fault Mitsuru tried to kill himself, and that Reiko has every right to do whatever she wants, even at the expense of his own wellbeing. The only thing that Kuwana cares about is making sure that her secret never gets out.

He doesn’t sweep Sawa’s death under the rug, either. His original plan was to get Soma out alive and convicted for her murder. This was his way of trying to make it up to Sawa. But if that plan failed, he had a failproof plan B where he would do what he does best. 

When all else fails, and he’s watching these people walk away unscathed, with nothing weighing them down and nobody to judge them, he strikes. He takes matters into his own hands, and that’s exactly what he was planning on doing with Soma. If he couldn’t get Soma out alive to get justice for Sawa’s death, then he’ll kill Soma and destroy Shinya’s body, forever securing the freedom Reiko so desperately needs if she wants to remain reunited with her son.

But of course, this sense of justice that Kuwana has isn’t without flaw. While it’s so easy to want to root for him because man, fuck Shinya, Yui, and Mikoshiba. They’re all pieces of shit-- who cares what happens to them? Kuwana doesn’t... really have an end goal. He says he’ll keep doing this if it means that he can prevent another incident like Mitsuru’s suicide attempt, but he literally has no answer as to how his actions can prevent that. Everything he’s done has always been reactive, never preventative. And while it’s satisfying to see someone get their comeuppance, how exactly is this supposed to fix anything on a larger, societal scale? Maybe people will start to get wind that former bullies are being murdered as adults, but the incidents are scattered over such a long period of time that clearly nobody has been connecting the dots. He can keep doing what he’s doing, but there’s inevitably going to be another innocent person like Sawa dragged into the mix.

Enter Yagami and his own sense of justice.

I’ve seen people complain that Yagami relies too heavily on Sawa’s death to get his point across, but I don’t... really agree. To me, it didn’t feel so much as that Yagami was using Sawa’s death to convince Kuwana that his sense of justice was wrong, but moreso that Yagami needed to remind himself that Kuwana’s justice isn’t right. It’s so easy to just be like “oh cool, Kuwana, keep doing your thing.” but he needs to remind himself that Kuwana’s methods are not without collateral damage.

You know, but even then, when Yagami says that someone needs to stand up Sawa because she can’t speak for herself anymore, Kuwana can turn around and say the exact same thing about Toshiro and the other kids who killed themselves.

I think this back and forth really gets into the heart of why this was such a good moral dilemma, and why Yagami and Kuwana are such good foils for each other.

They don’t hate each other at all. In fact, they’re desperately trying to find a solution that caters to both of their morals. Neither are fully satisfied with the results that their convictions will bring, and god damn it if there's a way they can combine the best of both worlds they're gonna do it. But they both know that's not possible so what ends up happening is just a bitter fight full of despair-- two men putting everything on the line to fight for what they truly believe in.

There are very few times where the prospect of a boss fight gutted me and I’m not ashamed to admit that I teared up during the buildup of the Kuwana fight. I predicted earlier on that he would be the final boss, but after hearing his plea to keep Reiko and Mitsuru together... I really, really did not want to fight him.

Speaking of, I didn’t think it would be possible for me to cry over a character that had about 2 minutes of screentime, but Mitsuru Kusumoto... you have my entire heart. To be honest, when Reiko stood up and said that it’s time to end this, I had a mini heart attack because I thought she meant that she was going to pull the plug. I’m so happy to see that he woke up, but it’s heartbreaking to think about what his life is going to be from now on. He’s lost the only two people that supported him while he was in a coma, and now, he’s not only going to have to deal with the fallout of what Reiko did, but he has to navigate a world that went on for thirteen years without him all by himself.

Anyway, I’m still undecided on where I actually stand on the Kuwana vs. Yagami debate. It’s so easy to (half) joke online and be like “Oh, Kuwana did nothing wrong”, but if I stop and ask myself if I really feel that way... I certainly lean more Kuwana than Yagami, but it doesn’t really sit right with me. I think this exchange between Higashi and Sugiura sums up my thoughts:

I suppose that’s the whole point, because even Kuwana feels that way about his own actions, saying that he’d be too ashamed to face Sawa in the afterlife. But then again, Ehara has a point when he says that GOD knows how long it’ll take for the system to do any type of change to hold bullies accountable for their actions.

So while I’m on the topic of Ehara...

His character really blew me away. He didn’t have a ton of screentime, but the time that he did have really stole the show. This line of his in particular really stood out to me, and strikes at the heart of why Yagami’s and Saori’s arguments are flawed.

I feel like it’s a more refreshing take on vigilantism. The focus is a lot less on punishing those who deserve it, and moreso on taking a stand for those who have been utterly abandoned. It’s a slightly more nuanced stance that I really appreciate. I feel that often times, vigilante characters are those who are either don’t have patience with the system, or view themselves as some kind of defender of justice. Kuwana, Ehara, and Reiko don’t fit in either of those cases though. They all really feel as though they were forced into their actions. They didn’t want to do it, but what other choice did they have? There’s an element of hopelessness and desperation that I feel really elevates their characters. The acknowledgment that they did something evil, but that’s just how it is, and what they had to do.

And speaking of necessary evils...

Kazuki Soma. Oh my god, what a character. Soma is really easy to brush off as just some run of the mill, sadistic murderer. And while that is true of his character, he also is a lot more than that.

It’s really fun to compare his morals and sense of justice with Kuwana’s, because Soma’s “big picture” mindset is exactly what Kuwana’s sense of justice is missing.

I don’t know if this was intended to be a dig at Kuwana, but it definitely works as one. Kuwana’s method of “haphazardly taking them out” (with “them” meaning bullies) really is just a patchwork approach at best and there’s no sense of direction or an end goal in sight. 

While Kuwana is driven by emotions, focusing on the individual and short-term good, Soma’s sense of justice is driven more by logic-- a cold, detached view of the world in order to preserve a greater good. He very methodically analyzes his behavior and the world around him, and comes to the conclusion that his actions are necessary to maintain societal peace. The pleasure that Soma derives from his work absolutely makes him one sick bastard, and you may not agree with his logic, but it would be unfair to his character to deny that he makes some good points.

When you start to triangulate Yagami, Kuwana, and Soma’s characters and how they each define justice and morals, you start to get this really interesting web of gray morality. While the ideal sense of justice would be to combine the best aspects of all three definitions, that unfortunately can’t exist in the real world. So at what point in this web is the most “right”?

This triangulation also made for a much more emotionally compelling plot to me. Don’t get me wrong. I was (and still am) so emotionally invested in the first game. It was amazing with that sense of helplessness it instilled in the player. After Morita was clearly willing to turn a blind eye to the AD-9 testing, then what? You felt like your back was against the wall, with the entire world against you. Like Sugiura said, how could you be expected to fight that?

But in LJ, the plot feels much more... intimate. Yes, there’s the stuff with Bando and Public Security, but those sat relatively in the backseat throughout the game. When looking at Ehara’s trial, the point wasn’t to unravel the entire coverup and mess that was Public Security’s involvement. The appeal trial was simply to get Ehara to confess that he killed Mikoshiba. Even the most “big picture” crimes that Yagami wanted to solve were pretty localized when you look at them. Soma’s capture and Reiko turning herself in would mean that there would be justice for Sawa’s death, but it’s not like the goal was to take down Bando as well or topple RK as a whole.

Yagami really looked at Bando, RK, and Kuwana’s 5 other victims and said like “not my battle”. He recognized that it was outside of his reach-- he’s not powerful enough to do anything about it. All he can do is trust that Mafuyu and her team can sort out the Bando issue, and hope that Kuwana does some deep reflections on his actions and eventually turns himself in.

You know, this made me really gain a lot of respect for Yagami. To recognize his limitations and not get greedy and push his luck required an incredible amount of strength. It would’ve been so easy for him to try and capture Kuwana as well, but he knows that it won’t end well.

Yagami recognizes that he’s bound by the confines of a flawed system, but he’ll still do as much as he can to preserve and execute his own sense of justice.

... I feel like I’ve talked a LOT about the story and characters, so I’ll switch gears to jot down my other thoughts about the game.

The buzz words/chatter researcher was a GREAT way of finding sidecases. I absolutely loved it. It really made me feel like I was an actual detective, sniffing out cases around town.

Thank GOD Mafuyu stopped being this weird “is she or isn’t she” love interest for Yagami. It was really unclear as to how Yagami felt about her in the first game, but in LJ, I can definitely now believe him when he says “we aren’t like that”

I was really wary of the school stories, and how well the school setting would be integrated into the game, but it was perfect in my opinion. I loved seeing Yagami be the cool, dependable uncle figure to everyone, making sure that they get to have the experiences and opportunities that he missed out on.

Dancing in particular was SO FUN. I love going back and watching recordings of Esmeralda. Idk, it’s just so great to watch those funky little characters dance and have fun. 

Itokura is a girlboss. That’s all I have to say.

Vorarephilia is a fucking BANGER of a track but my god, did RGG really have to name one of the best songs “vore”????

Speaking of the soundtrack, Rasen was an AMAZING opening song. When I realized that the full length version was released on the same day that Mitsuru tried to kill himself, I nearly cried. It was such an emotional song, and Ado was the perfect choice for the singer.

I really, really hope that the series doesn’t end here. Even if Kimura can’t be in the game anymore, I’d love to see an update on Kuwana’s character. I know that LJ’s ending makes it seem like he’s switching over to Yagami’s definition of justice, but I don’t actually see it that way. If anything, Kuwana might be changing his strategy to think more about his long-term goal.

When he reports the bodies, he does so anonymously, yet he makes it clear that all of his victims were bullies in the past.

Clearly, he has no intent of turning himself in right now. Is he staying hidden because he wants to make sure Soma is convicted of Sawa’s murder, and then he’ll reveal himself afterwards? Or is this his way of letting society know that there is someone out there, willing to hold them accountable to their actions if no one else will? Maybe in revealing his trump card, this is his way of signaling to other bullies that they aren’t safe and that revenge can come for them at any moment. It won’t be immediate, but vengeance WILL come for them.

The game gives no indication as to what Kuwana plans to do next. It’s open-ended, and I think expanding on that would make for a really strong third entry in the series.

Anyway, I'll stop this train of thought here because speculation about a potential sequel doesn’t belong in a review post.

tldr, I thought this was a really, really good game. 9.5/10 easily. This has certainly become my favorite RGG game, and I’m going to go ahead and say that this is just one of my favorite games of all time, period.

[mira--mira]

Question from an aspiring writer:

How do you stay motivated on one project for such a long time?

I personally have the attention span of a goldfish, and whenever I have an idea I either have to write down everything my brain can spew immediately or have it be lost in the void for eternity.

Never mind going back and turning my outline into a fic or gasp editing.

Do you have any tips and/or tricks you use?

Ok, I got completely carried away with this just fyi, but hopefully I ended up answering your actual question 😂 tl;dr at the bottom.

To be honest, staying motivated is a tricky thing, one that I feel I'm still learning how to do even now and varies a bit between shortfics/oneshots and multi-chaptered fics/longfics. For a bit of background, I've been writing fanfic for about a year and a half, but I've been writing original fiction since I was seven, over a decade and a half, and I still wrestle with it. It's definitely a learning process.

One thing I wish someone would have told me when I was starting out was the power of ~scenes~ in either multi-chapters or one-shots. All writing is ultimately made up of scenes, but if you're struggling to put things together, focusing on an individual scene, or multiple short scenes, might help you focus on getting something completed, and it's something that eventually can be applied to longer works as well. Writing has been a snowball process for me and once I started getting anything completed, I felt more secure in knowing what I could write comfortably and what was out of my comfort zone, eventually getting to the point where I felt comfortable tackling bigger and longer projects and knowing I could stay with them.

OoT's interlude chapters and the snippet series are both good examples of scenes because I wrote them with that intention...even if most of them are actually two or three scenes combined. "Gai meets Hashirama and Madara", "Hashirama gets revenge on Kakashi", "Tatsuki and Hashirama pick flowers for Madara, then give them to him" etc. were all my starting points.

If you're first starting out and feel comfortable with outlines of some sort before you start writing I would encourage you to try and write down a bullet point list of your scene(s) and what you know you want to happen in it.

"Gai meets Hashirama and Madara"

* Hashirama meets Gai first, mistakes him for Lee.

* Madara is shopping for a gift for Hashirama

* Madara finds Gai and Hashirama, they spar, Gai kicks his ass, both of them love him.

This is how my initial outline looked for the first interlude chapter, technically each one of these "points" are their own scenes stuck together. Outlining is different for everyone, some people like super specific points, others even less detail than this. For me this is a nice middle that gives me a roadmap for the chapter, but allows plenty of room to naturally diverge and add detail. Play around with outlines and see what you're comfortable with/what gives you the best results.

I'm not sure of your individual situation, but if you're struggling to put together fics in general something like this might help. Doing this process again and again personally helps me stay on track and gives me a sense of progress.

This sense of progress is ultimately key and why I think motivation differs slightly between one-shots/short fics and longfics. If you confine the individual scene to a one-shot, that might give you the motivation to complete it. Even if you start writing and you get interrupted/can't finish having in one setting, bullet points sometimes help inspire me to finish because I'm not starting from scratch when I return to writing. The whole "eat an elephant one piece at a time" thing was difficult for me to learn, but ultimately proved true. Learning to chip away at something bit by bit is going to be the only (healthy) way to write longer projects you can't complete in one sitting.

For longer projects, it's a similar beast just on bigger levels and with an added dimension. I would actually suggest something similar to OoT for a starting project because it is ultimately broken up into arcs that you know and can reference, instead of making a lot of og content for a fan setting. Maybe not go into it thinking, 'I'll do a complete rewrite' but once you feel like you're ready for a longer project 30K+ or so, the rough outline method and the ability to follow arcs was what got me started when I eventually decided to make the fic multi-chaptered. Try writing one arc and keep yourself contained in that. Now the added dimension aspect in general for longfics is that you eventually want to plot individual chapters in a multi-chaptered longfic and individual arcs (character, plot, etc). This comes with practice. I honestly don't think there's a way to get around that. It's something that I'm still trying to work on and I can look back at my early work and see how I've improved, how I can recognize where things didn't go well in certain places, and how I would change them if I was writing today. That's a good thing to be able to do, it means you've grown! The other thing I find that helps with staying motivated week after week for longer projects is to roughly know where you're going and to try to be excited about a plot point/scene/chapter/etc that you're going to write. Really try to hype yourself up. For me, it's a moment that comes at the very end of the chunin arc and I start grinning even thinking about it because I know it's going to be awesome. It's always what gets me through the rough days, imagining the moment I'll get to actually write that scene in its entirety (it's definitely already outlined and I mentally play it out at least twice a week lol) and is a big motivating drive.

So far I think this is pretty standard stuff if you're an outliner and you've been writing for a few years, but the other thing motivational-wise for me is having a schedule. From reading this message alone, I would not suggest it for you right away. Get comfortable finishing small things and feeling confident that if you let an idea sit for a week or two, you can pick it back up and continue. But if you eventually dip your toes into longfics (and don't plan to pre-write everything before you publish) that routine and rhythm really helps keep me going. I've made a commitment, I've posted it online, I'm going to stick to it. No one is going to jump down my throat if I fail to keep it (this is still a hobby and having fun is the most important thing) but in my mind I should commit to it unless something irl prevents me from doing so. Don't put a tight deadline on yourself, I'd start with once a month or if you write shorter chapters every three weeks. This also would help you build up and get a readership, interaction being another big motivational key.

Also, it's important to accept that sometimes you bite off more than you can chew, and when you feel completely demotivated from a fanfic project...it's okay to drop it. It's okay to take a step back and work on something else. Maybe you'll come back to it, maybe you won't. If you can, try to pinpoint what it was about that project that made you demotivated, were you pushing yourself too much and you got burnt out, was it an ongoing series and your interest for canon lagged and so did the fic, was it just too stressful to keep juggling plotpoints, etc. and keep that in mind moving forward. Every experience can be a learning one and eventually make you a better writer that can eventually tackle those bigger projects. Don't be afraid to take on big aspirational projects, but don't walk into them blind either. Above all, and this is repeated a lot because it's true, enjoy what you write. Some days you might not. That's true with anything, but any project you take on the good should outweigh the bad.

This is my wrap up of the motivational section but I also wanted to throw my two-cents in about editing because "oh no editing" is a perspective I've seen from a lot of writers, and used to have myself, but I think is going to stifle your progress in the long run.

Here's the thing: you need to look forward to editing.

You don't have to be jumping for joy, but editing, imo, should be a positive thing. You have all these great ideas, you made it into a fic, something you wrote, and now you get to go back and make it even better! This is a tough attitude to adopt. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. It took me a long time to unlearn the negative attitude and even then sometimes I still wish the editing was already done once I type in the last period. But I've learned to at least appreciate what editing does and I try to think to myself as I'm going through and making changes things like "wow, this suddenly became so much better. X plot point that I thought of ten pages from now is suddenly being hinted at and doesn't come out of left field. The transition points are a lot cleaner, it's not so jarring anymore. I bet the readers are going to love this little detail. Here's some foreshadowing that I hope someone picks up bc it's going to come back in like 5 chapters from now" it's hard, especially when you start, but this is something you made, and now are actively making better and that's something to celebrate.

I hope this helps anon! I know it's a lot and I'm by no means an expert but I've been doing this for more than a decade because I love it and I want to help others get into writing to! I have no problem answering any writing questions you may have if you find this helpful!

tl;dr

-motivation is slightly different between short/long fics.

-starting out, learn to outline by scenes and focus on finishing small projects and getting to a point where you feel like you can put something down and come back and pick it up again in a week. Completion is key and will help you feel satisfied/know your limits.

-long projects also can work on the scene-to-scene outline but now with individual chapters and individual arcs. It's tough to balance both but comes with practice. Bit-by-bit is key, as is having 'one moment you can't wait to write', possibly a schedule if it works for you, and reader feedback are all huge long-term motivational points.

-editing is tough but learn to look forward to it instead of dreading it.

edited: added a bit more/few typos fixed

[carelessannie]

maybe it goes like this: tony courts peter (part 7)

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten | Epilogue

Read on A03

Read the Stuckony backstory

Word count: 5.7K

Pack focus. This means Clint x Peter x Annie (OFC), Clint x Steve, Steve x Peter, Bucky x OFC, and Steve x Tony x Bucky x Clint x Annie x Peter (wow)

It all goes to hell, because, of course it does. But it’s exciting to fix it, because everyone is falling in love.

Major warnings: D/S Au, A/B/O Au, subdrop, almost a fight bc Clint is aggressive

---

maybe it goes like this:

“So… have you heard from him yet?”

Annie sighs, rolling her eyes, and refrains from shaking the precious Omega standing behind her,

“Not in the past three minutes, Peter.”

“Sorry, I just—”

“I know, you’re nervous,” she tries to drop the tone, squinting in the bathroom mirror to finish her eyeliner, “why don’t you just call him? Or your boyfriend?”

In the reflection, Peter pouts, crossing his arms, “I tried, but both went to voicemail. He should have been done by now.”

Annie takes care to sweep perfectly symmetrical wings across each upper lid, before exchanging her eyeliner for a brighter tube of mascara. It’s taking a lot of effort to ignore Peter as he stresses over their evening, but no one has ever called her a quitter.

Peter continues his spiral in her silence, “What if they got into a fight? Could he be dead— is there a chance Steve killed him? Or what if he dropped again, and there’s no one there to help him? What if they’re in the hospital—”

Enough.

“Peter, stop it,” Annie finally turns away from the mirror and grabs Peter by his shoulders, “if any of those things happened, one of their packmates would have called by now. I know we have to leave soon, but there’s really nothing we can do, okay?”

Peter’s eyes tear up a bit and he sniffles, looking down at his outfit, which currently is one of Clint’s shirts and a pair of leggings, “Annie, I’m not— I’m not even dressed yet.”

“Let me help you, okay Pete?” she steers him out of the bathroom and towards their wardrobe, picking up her phone to try calling again as they sort through possible outfit choices for Peter.

The phone rings— once, twice, three times— before,

“Yello.”

“Clint Barton! Do you know how many times we’ve tried calling—”

“Annie! Holy shit, Annie— is Peter there? Do you have me on speaker?”

She shakes her head in disbelief while pressing the speaker button, making sure Peter can hear too.

“Is that Clint?” Peter asks, pointing at the phone. Annie nods, and Peter gasps, “You asshole! I tried to call you so many times, where on earth have you been?”

“I’m so sorry, Omega, honestly— the conversation with Steve went longer than I expected and I’m driving back now. But please, I have to tell you— I’m compatible with him!”

Both Omegas exchange a look, clearly confused and doubtful of their Beta.

“What does that mean, Clint?”

“It means I’ve got a chance. I thought I’d hate him, or be forced to put up with him for your sake. But, honestly… he’s pretty amazing. I can tell he cares a whole freaking lot about his pack and I think he’s in this for real.”

Peter reaches out to grab her hand, and Annie can’t help but smile back.

“Did you tell him your history?” Annie prompts, pulling Peter next to her so that they can sit close together on the floor.

She can almost hear Clint waving his hands around, animated in his response. “Yeah, I shared most of it with him and it made him cry, honest to god. I also told him he could catch his mates up to speed—”

“— oh my god, did you see Tony?” Peter cuts in, eyes lighting up as he wrings his tiny hands together nervously.

“Yes, needy Omega, I saw Tony. I gave him the flowers, and we had a little heart to heart, too. Real sexy, you know—”

“Shut up, Clint!” Peter squeals as Annie breaks down into helpless giggles at seeing his face light up pink, “does that mean you talked to all three of them, then?”

A small pause, “... no, actually that was kind of awkward. They said that… it seemed like… they had just finished a scene together when I showed up.”

“Oh, shit.” Annie breaths.

“Yeah, Tony definitely didn’t know I was coming,”

Peter covers his mouth, eyes going wide, “Oh god, I’m so sorry, I literally can’t believe I forgot to tell him. That sounds so horrible, C!”

There’s a chuckle on the other end, “Don’t worry, Petey, no harm done. I’ll be home soon, and we can head back out there, okay?”

Annie gives Peter a small kiss on the cheek before standing, grabbing her phone, saying, “sounds good, see ya Clint,” and hanging up without another word.

She spins, taking in Peter’s lost expression and the clothing scattered around their closet.

Okay. Motivation.

Peter yelps as Annie hauls him up by his armpits, “Time to get ready, Peter. C’mon— you are gonna look absolutely stunning tonight.”

Finally Peter’s expression melts and a genuine smile breaks out over his face. He pulls Annie closer, leaning in for a quick peck on the lips— careful to avoid messing up her lip gloss.

“I adore you, Annie,” he whispers, “— these boys are not gonna know what hit ‘em.”

She reaches up to twist one of his curls playfully before returning a smirk,

“You’re damn right.”

---

“I don’t see why I have to be in the backseat. I clearly called shotgun.”

Clint has been whining ever since they left their apartment, insisting that he was severely wronged by his insolent Omegas. Both of those Omegas are having fun ignoring him— turning up their music and talking louder to drown out his voice.

It took a half hour for Clint to get home after his call, and by some miracle, all three of them were dressed and ready to go with time to spare. Annie had spent time curling Peter’s hair into perfect ringlets before finishing his makeup with sparkly-pink eyeshadow and gloss. Both of them were ready and dressed before Clint got home, and had pushed and prodded the bewildered Beta into a nicer button up with dark jeans and combat boots.

Annie is proud of her and Peter’s outfits, of course. Not many Omegas can pull off pink like they can, and her powdered pink coat goes flawlessly with Peter’s pink polka dot button up. But even more than their outfits, she is proud of how put together their chaotic Beta looks.

After catching Peter glancing back in the rearview mirror for the third time, she decides to say something.

She turns down the music, “You look like a snack, Clint.”

Peter snickers as Clint looks down at himself in bewilderment, “I swear, I’ve never seen these clothes before in my entire life. But, thanks. I guess.”

Since Peter insisted on driving, he can only glance quickly to try and gauge Clint’s expression.

“Those boots are yours,” Peter says.

“Yeah, but when did you guys even have time to buy me clothes?” Clint’s back to complaining, and grumbles sneaky Omegas under his breath.

Annie turns, lightly slapping the inside of Clint’s thigh where he’s sprawled across the backseat, “Hush and take a compliment, Beta. I think I speak for both of us when I say we want to climb you like a tree.”

Peter gasps, swatting at her with one hand, as Clint’s eyes go wide.

She continues, “I mean, it has been awhile since we’ve had a scene, and the mention of Tony’s pack has me—”

Clint leans forward, posture straightening as he grabs her chin to silence her, “— you feeling horny, Omega?” he purrs, a feral grin taking over his face.

“M— maybe.”

“Have I not been taking care of you, Annie?” he moves closer, and forces Annie to turn almost completely in her seat.

“... Clint.”

He grips harder, “Try again.”

“Fuck, Beta. Please.”

“— guys, can this wait—” Peter tries to interrupt, but is quickly shut down by Clint growling, low.

“Sweet Omegas, is that why you dressed me up? Feeling all needy and shit?” he releases his hold on Annie’s chin and moves back to his seat, relaxing again before letting out a sigh, “but you’re right, Pete. This can wait.”

The silence is charged. Both Omegas wiggling in their seats in response to Clint’s dominant display, and Annie whimpers— a small sound that causes Peter’s breath to catch in his throat.

“Aw, Annie. No— come here,” Clint leans forward again, and as she turns he catches her lips in a lingering kiss, licking into her mouth quickly and coaxing a grin out of her.

“Don’t want you to drop, gorgeous. You know I’ll take care of you both, right? Love you so much.”

She pecks him on the lips, satisfied to see some of her pink lip gloss stain his mouth, “Love you, Clint. And you do look amazing tonight.”

“Thanks, pretty Omega,” even though it’s dark in the car, she can tell he’s blushing by the way he ducks his head bashfully.

Annie turns back to face front and catches the slight pout on Peter’s face. She crosses the center console to kiss behind his ear, and enjoys the surprised squawk from the younger Omega.

“Annie! I’m driving!”

Clint laughs, and reaches forward to rub Peter’s shoulder, “We love you too, Petey-pie.”

“Shut up.”

Both of them crack up as Peter shakes himself free. Annie intertwines their fingers and Clint settles back into his seat, quietly staring out the window at the oncoming traffic. She feels a small squeeze and looks up, exchanging a reassuring smile with Peter.

The rest of their drive passes in relative silence, and soon they are pulling up a long, winding driveway into what Annie would swear is a rainforest jungle.

As Peter navigates around the property, he explains, “Tony said that he bought this land right after Steve and Bucky courted him. A lot of it is a nature preserve, and it backs right to the Jamaica Bay. I know all of them wanted to stay in Brooklyn, but Tony absolutely refused to live near anyone, so they built this house together with the hope of living here with their future pack.”

Both Annie and Clint are glued to the window. They watch as the looming trees suddenly part, revealing a modern, sharply-angled, and breathtakingly enormous house. There are at least three stories, and the whole structure seems to be built into the surrounding forest, with a noticeable extension out into the bay.

“Peter,” Annie breathes out, still stunned speechless.

“I know, that’s how I felt earlier.” Clint replies, still looking out at the quickly approaching home.

Peter hums quietly, but Annie can see him shaking slightly. As they pull up and he parks the car, she gives his knuckles a kiss, “Peter?”

He turns and she catches a NervousDistress scent radiating off of him.

That’s not good.

With a quick look to Clint, they both jump out of the car, rounding the side to Peter’s door, and pull the startled Omega out of the driver’s seat.

“What are you— hey!”

“Come here, nervous Omega, and let us hug you,” Clint pulls Peter in, wrapping him in his arms, as Annie turns the car off. She joins the group hug and lets Clint wrap his arms around both of them.

After a few moments, Clint pulls back, gently scenting both of them for any lingering distress. Instead, he groans, “Damn, you two smell like fuckin’ ice cream. So sweet.”

Peter giggles and Annie leans up for a kiss— earning one from Clint first, then Peter.

“Feel better, Peter?” Annie asks, pulling away to look at his face.

He shrugs, “Yes, I just need to trust Tony to do his part, and… I think I’m just really excited to see him again,” he ducks his head, and Clint places another kiss on top.

“Let’s go get ‘em, tiger.”

“Ew, Clint, stop.” Both Omegas complain as Clint tows them towards the entrance, knocking firmly on the door.

They are still arguing about the merits of cheesy nicknames, when the door swings open.

“Tony!” Peter shrieks, throwing himself forward and into the larger man’s arms.

“Hi, baby,” Tony coos, picking his Omega up and spinning them around, “you look so pretty, Pete. You all do, honestly. Such a pretty pack.”

“Thanks Beta,” Peter stretches up to give him a peck on the cheek, and then freezes.

“Peter? What—” Tony puts him down, and Annie watches as two figures approach them in the hallway.

She hears Clint growl behind her, and immediately her eyes turn to Peter. She can only see the side of his face, but his eyes are wide, pupils dilated, and he sucks in a quick breath.

“A— alpha,” he moans, swaying on his feet.

The larger man— Steve, probably— steps out of the shadow and pushes Tony to the side, looming over Peter and reaching to grab his neck.

There’s an echo of growls, one behind and one ahead, before Peter collapses to his knees.

“Fuck no!”

Clint reacts suddenly, pushing Annie behind him. He jumps forward and aims a blow towards Steve, who’s still looking down at Peter, eyes glowing red. Before the hit can land, both Tony and Bucky step forward, blocking the attack on their Alpha and tearing Clint away.

Tony grabs Peter, pulling him to his feet, and pushes him into Annie’s arms.

“Down the hall, to the right. Settle him in the living room and we’ll handle this, okay?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer before grabbing Clint and dragging him back outside, hopefully to calm down. Annie struggles to carry the larger Omega down the hall, and thankfully neither Steve nor Bucky are anywhere to be found.

When they finally reach the living room, she drops Peter in a large nesting chair towards the corner and searches for blankets. After finding a few, she wraps him in them and climbs into the nest, throwing the others over top of them to enclose the space.

“Petey?”

No response. Shit.

She moves them so he’s facing her fully, and tries to shake him awake. It seems like whatever happened actually knocked him out, and she checks his eyes, his breathing, before holding him close.

“Petey, you have to wake up for me.”

It’s hard not lacing her words with a dominant tone, but the direct order seems to reach him and Peter’s breath picks up.

“Open your eyes, sweetheart, c’mon.”

His eyes blink open wide and he looks around frantically.

“— Alpha?” he whimpers.

“No, Peter. It’s me. Tell me what you need, Pete.”

He focuses on her then, lips opening and closing before he’s able to speak, “Need’ta come up, Omega. Please.”

Annie strokes over his brow, “Okay, Pete. I’ve got you.”

She uses one hand to block his eyes and the other to peel back the blankets, looking around for someone to help, and sees Bucky in the kitchen.

“Bucky, help,” she whispers, hoping the other Omega can hear her across the room.

His head shoots up as he takes in the situation, and he swiftly walks over. He looks into her eyes, sees her hold on Peter, and drops to his knees next to the nest,

“What do you need, Omega?”

She has to stop herself from reaching out to touch him, and instead keeps her eyes on Peter, “Please tell me you have apples, bananas and carrots? Or crackers?”

“I do— do you want them sliced, Omega?”

“Yes, thank you,” she agrees, turning back to Peter as Bucky hurries back into the kitchen. She cradles his head, keeping one hand over his eyes to block them from the light, and lets him curl in closer to her as he floats.

“Sweet Omega,” she whispers, pulling him closer, “so good for me. So good, Peter.”

“Here,” Bucky says gently, and offers her a plate with slices of each food. He also hands her a bottle of water.

“Thanks, Bucky. Can you dim the lights? Maybe light candles if you have them?”

“Of course.”

He walks away to lower the lights, and Annie finally takes her hand off of Peter’s eyes. He blinks up at her, adorably confused, and gives her a small smile.

“Apple, Peter,” she says, pressing the apple slice up against his lips. He takes a small bite and she watches as he chews and swallows before offering another.

Once the apple is gone, she holds up the next fruit, “Banana.”

He takes the softer fruit in one bite, and Annie notices his eyes clearing up and he tightens his grip on her arm.

“Last one, Peter. Can you tell me what it is?”

“Carrot, Annie,” he says, smooth and steady, chewing the carrot slice while maintaining eye contact.

After he swallows, she hands him the bottle of water. He drinks it slowly, taking in the room and turns his gaze back to her.

“What— what happened?”

Bucky comes back over to them and looks to Annie for direction. She motions for him to join them in the nest, and they both move over as Bucky climbs in, pulling the other Omegas to nestle into his side.

“What do you remember, Peter?” Annie asks, reaching over to hold his hand on top of Bucky’s chest.

“I… I’m not sure. I remember being in Tony’s arms, and then— did I meet Steve? And someone attacked him? I don’t know Annie, I just remember floating and then coming back up.”

Bucky makes a pained noise, “Stevie reacted to Clint’s challenge, an’ his display caused you’ta drop.”

“Display, what—”

Annie sighs, “Basically, Clint saw you react to the new Alpha. His hindbrain registered that as a threat, and he growled— challenging Steve. I think Steve must have released some type of Alpha pheromones, because my mind went hazy too. After that, both of them were growling and you kneeled for him.”

“For— Steve?”

“Yeah, Pete. He pushed Tony away to get to you and Clint attacked him. That’s when Bucky and Tony took control and split everyone up. Nothing happened to you— to anyone, okay?”

Peter still looks devastated and pulls his hand away, sitting up in the nest, “I can’t believe. I just— submitted like that. I didn’t even do that with Tony, but with a random Alpha—”

“Peter, hey,” Bucky grabs his hand, trying to calm him down, “it’s instincts, darlin’. Steve is really dominant, and in this setting— with everyone on edge and feelin’ horny and stuff— honestly… I’m a little pissed we didn’t plan better. Especially after Clint came by earlier.”

Annie sits up then, drawing Peter closer to her to sit across Bucky’s lap, “He’s right, Pete, none of us have ever dealt with a Dominant Alpha meeting a Submissive Omega before. There’s no way we could have anticipated how Clint was gonna react.”

They sit for a few more minutes before Bucky stands up, “I’m gonna check on Tony and Clint— I think I have a plan for tonight.”

It’s a few more minutes that the two Omegas can sit in silence, eventually moving from the nesting chair over to the couch and preening each others’ hair and makeup. There’s a sound from down the main hallway, and a figure comes barreling towards them.

Annie throws her arm over Peter and yells, “Hey!” to get the person— Clint, it’s freaking Clint— to stop. He falls to his knees, only a foot or two away from them, and crawls the rest of the distance.

“Petey, I’m so sorry. Sweet Omega, I had no idea— I didn’t mean— I’m so so sorry, oh my god, I completely freaked out and ruined your night, please—”

“Beta, come here,” Peter opens up his arms, and Clint falls into them, clawing at Peter’s back and scenting him thoroughly, “it’s okay, C, I understand. I forgive you.”

Annie looks up to find Bucky and Tony standing, bewildered, in the entrance for the living room. She gestures towards the couch next to them, a clear invitation to take a seat, and Tony quickly moves to sit next to Peter and pull him into a hug after Clint releases him.

“So— Annie, Peter,” Bucky starts, shifting on his feet, “I have an idea, and our Betas have agreed to it.”

“What is it, Bucky?” Peter asks, surrounded now by both Tony and Clint, and looking beyond satisfied.

Bucky looks off, down the hallway behind the kitchen, “I think we should go to my nest. The— the three of us. Omegas, I mean. And meet Stevie there.”

“But… why?”

“It’s neutral,” Tony chimes in, “and Peter needs to meet Steve somewhere safe. Bucky’s the only one who can really bring the dumb Alpha out of his head— so the nest seems like the best idea. And a balance of chaperones that are all Omega should help ground everyone present. It’s a good idea.”

Annie stands up, crossing her arms, and looks at the two Betas, “You’re serious? You’re both completely okay with this, and anything that could happen in that room?”

Tony nods, but it’s really Clint’s reaction that she’s waiting for. The Beta also agrees, nodding slowly, “I told you I would try.”

Peter gets to his feet, wiping off his pants, and offers his hand to Annie. He then walks towards Bucky and offers a second hand, “Lead the way, Omega,” he says, grinning at them both.

Bucky gives a tug, and pulls them down the hallway. They pass the kitchen, a few other rooms that are all closed, and turn a corner. On the right side is a set of french doors with curtains— bedroom?— and the left—

“Holy shit.”

“Oh my god.”

Bucky steps away from them to gesture to his nest, the large fixture taking up the majority of the space in a room that could have otherwise been a large library. Or a sunroom.

Two of the walls are windows— they stretch from floor to ceiling and meet at the arched apex of the ceiling where a large, twinkling chandelier cascades down, filling the room with warm light and extending over the white canopy that dominates the center of the space. Twinkle lights surround and flow around the nest— dropping over and under the structure— and a few smaller lamps sit strategically both outside and inside.

The nest itself seems to be slightly elevated— giving the illusion of floating in the center of the room on a simple wooden palette. There are vines and ferns sprinkled around the base, and Annie can see the legs of at least one table that reach underneath the canopy. It’s a cloud. It’s a dream.

There’s definitely someone inside.

“Bucky, this is… amazing.” Annie is still frozen with Peter in a similar state beside her.

“C’mon,” Bucky finally reaches back and snaps his fingers, breaking them out of their trance. He grabs Peter first, kneeling up on the entrance to push back the curtain and let Peter in. Annie ducks down, following Peter through the opening.

Okay, the meeting in the hallway earlier did nothing to prepare her for the giant, hulking Alpha in Bucky’s nest. Even with his head down and neck exposed, Steve is a sight to behold, and by far the most dominant Alpha that Annie has been around in her entire life.

Strong hands grab her from behind, and Bucky settles both of them near the entrance to watch.

Steve has his eyes down still, throat exposed, as Peter inches forward. They all freeze as his scent changes to CuriousInnocentDistressedOmega, and finally Steve looks up.

The sound that comes from Peter is not quite a whimper. He turns his head to the side and makes it again.

An invitation.

Steve moves immediately and folds Peter into his arms. He makes a low reassuring noise, and Peter just melts, a high pitch chirp leaving his lips before his body goes limp. Steve has a tight hold on him, and turns their bodies to settle the tiny Omega underneath him. Almost in sync, they bare their throats and scent each other.

Annie scoots closer to Bucky, letting him wind his arms around her as she rests between his legs, against his chest. He stretches his legs out, and she turns slightly to add her legs to the tangle.

There’s a small sniffling noise, and both Omegas look up. Steve is still holding Peter close— but now they’re eye to eye, and Peter is crying. Annie immediately sits up to separate them, but Bucky holds her back, whispering for her to wait.

They watch as the Alpha and Omega cry together, sharing comfort and tears, as they continue to scent-mark each other.

“Is it uncomfortable to watch your Alpha connect with another Omega like this?” Annie whispers.

Bucky, still behind her, just draws aimless circles on her arm as he responds, “We talked ‘bout it. Doesn’t feel weird— just feels right, ya know?”

She nods, “It definitely looks right.”

And it does. Annie thinks about her mom and dad— how many times she’s envied their bond and the love that they share. Even then, they are a VersAlpha and VersOmega couple and they’ve never been able to build the pack that they want, even though their relationship has been full of love and their pack is strong.

With Steve and Peter… it feels like watching a King and his Queen. It feels like the ocean meeting the shore, like stars in the sky, like pen on paper. The perfect balance, opposites fated by biology, Alpha and Omega.

It feels right.

Annie is crying now, and notices it when Bucky reaches up to wipe one of her tears away. She leans into him, moving her hair and exposing her neck for him to scent. He intertwines their fingers around her waist and she can feel his nose, his mouth, pressed against her sensitive bonding glands.

In an uncharacteristically dominant move, Bucky lifts one of his own wrists for her to scent. She pulls it closer and sniffles at his pulse point, enjoying his warm Milk Chocolate and sweet Orange scent.

“Oranges and Strawberries,” he breathes, tickling her neck.

“Chocolate and Caramel,” she takes one more inhale before turning in his arms, letting the other Omega stare into her eyes.

She licks her lips, “I’ve missed your scent. I can’t believe how compatible… I mean, you know— how good—”

Bucky chuckles, playing with a piece of her hair, “I can’t believe how compatible we are either, darlin’.”

Damn, he’s sweet. Annie can feel her face heat up, but she’s helpless to look into his eyes, steel-blue and darkening by the second. He’s holding her so close, and he’s so warm. She closes her eyes, letting a quiet purr build from deep in her chest.

There’s a soft press on her lips, and she gasps, fluttering her eyes open to see Bucky pulling away from her face with a shy smile.

“Sorry, sorry, I thought—”

“— why’d you stop?” Annie asks, returning his smile.

This time she sits up, pushing into his space, and locks their lips together. His hands clutch tighter around her waist as he tilts her head back, deepening the kiss. His lips move slowly, sweetly, and she keens into the feeling, opening her mouth a little more, inviting him to take.

Instead, he slows the kisses down further, releasing her waist and brushing his fingers over her eyelids, her cheek, and she rests her hands on his chest. He pulls back after one last kiss, lips red and bruised, and a smile lights up his face. She hums her approval, sure her face looks similar, and moves one hand to brush back the hair off his forehead.

“Wow.”

The voice breaks the spell— Peter and Steve are staring at them, mouths agape. Annie pushes Bucky away and he laughs, trying to catch her around the waist before she can escape. Peter giggles, still so cute and tiny in Steve’s monster arms, and Steve can’t help but laugh along.

Okay, so maybe making out in the nest wasn’t a great idea.

She looks back at Bucky— head thrown back in laughter and eyes bright with joy— and honestly she doesn’t care. She feels her heart soften, almost literally, and pulls him in for one more kiss— ignoring the protests coming from the back of the nest. Bucky’s lips taste like heaven.

Once they break apart, Peter crawls over, nudging her to change places with him.

“Real quick, Annie. You haven’t even met him yet.”

“Okay, okay— pushy Omega.”

Peter immediately snuggles into Bucky’s arms, and the two turn to watch as Annie shuffles over to where Steve is still seated.

He gives her a hesitant smile, and offers his hand, “Hi Annie, I’m Steve.”

She looks down at the professional handshake he’s trying to give her and back up to him in disbelief. Boys are idiots. Shaking her head, she crawls the last few inches and sits squarely in his lap, offering her neck, “Hi Steve, I’m Annie,” and she guides his hand back around her waist and his nose into her throat.

There’s a moment where she can tell he takes over, and she lets herself relax in his strong grip. He nuzzles into her neck, scenting her deeply, and she slowly leans down to do the same.

Oh. Oh no.

“Oh, oh my god, Steve—” she mewls— yeah, fucking mewls— into his skin, and is horrified to feel his pulse under her tongue.

Annie, you are fucking licking this man. Get yourself together.

No. He tastes delicious.

And it’s true— Steve tastes like actual Summer Storms and strong, Espresso Lattes, and she cannot keep her mouth off of him.

The other two Omegas are chuckling from the other side of the nest, and she huffs in irritation, trying her absolute hardest to pull away from this Alpha’s body.

“S— sorry, fuck. I can’t believe. You’re just... you’re just so—” get it together, Annie.

“Hey,” Steve thrums, and she looks up into his deep, blue eyes, “I’m flattered— no harm done. For the record... I think you smell delicious, too,” and he winks at her, making a point to squeeze her tighter before they separate.

“Peeeete,” she whines, falling back to look at her packmate, “we’re marrying them, right?”

Peter giggles, “Seems like we might be.”

ProudSatisfiedContentAlpha absolutely saturates the nest, and all three Omegas turn to look, suddenly thirsty for Steve’s Coffee.

Bucky moves first, putting the smaller Omegas behind him and moving quickly to his Alpha. Annie watches as they share a quiet moment, before both men turn towards them with similar fond expressions.

“Sorry, uh— let's go see our Betas, okay?” Steve asks, ushering them back towards the entrance.

Annie and Peter stumble out of the nest, waiting to be led back to the living room. Bucky is careful to turn the lights out and straighten the nest, displaying the care and importance he obviously places in his home. Steve loops his arm around Bucky’s shoulders, pulling him in for a quick kiss, before giving him a playful shove to get them moving down the hallway.

It’s clear the Betas are laughing and enjoying each other’s company as they arrive, and Annie heads quickly to Clint’s side, ruffling his hair and accepting a kiss on the cheek. Steve sits in an unoccupied loveseat, but Bucky doesn’t go to join him. Instead, he and Peter exchange a few words and Bucky sits next to Tony, ducking under his arm.

The room is quiet— only a few whispers between Tony and Bucky— and Peter turns to settle onto Clint’s lap. Annie lets him go, watching as Peter scents— no, scent-marks— him thoroughly, rubbing the combined scent of Alpha and Omegas into his skin. Clint’s breathing picks up and he looks at Peter, confused.

“Omega, what—”

“Hush,” Peter grabs his face, whispering intensely, “you are going to ask that Alpha to scent you, and you’re gonna go sit on his lap. Don’t you dare come back to us until you smell like him, do you hear me?”

Clint looks properly chastised as Peter hops up off his lap, grabs Annie’s hand, and pulls them to sit with Bucky and Tony on the couch.

They watch Clint’s internal crisis as he walks over to Steve’s seat, obviously uncomfortable but oh so stubborn and determined.

He stops in front of Steve, who looks up in question, “Steve.”

“Clint.”

“I need… Can I— can I formally scent you?”

Steve actually looks shocked, “I… yeah, of course, Clint. Whatever you’d like.”

Clint looks back at them— Bucky flashing him two thumbs up— and steels himself, grabbing Steve’s shoulders before climbing onto his lap. Steve raises his hands, obviously not expecting the submissive posture, and looks to their couch for some direction.

Both Bucky and Tony give him a shrug. Helpful.

When Clint settles in, wiggling a few times, Steve bares his throat and lowers his eyes in submission. Every person in the room gasps, and Bucky might even let out a small, hysterical laugh.

Clint doesn’t say a thing. He leans in and gently presses his nose to Steve’s pulse point, audibly inhaling. His body visibly relaxes, and he pulls Steve in to scent him in return.

Annie settles back against Peter, letting the three men fold her into their embrace. The room feels light and heavy at the same time. All six packmates are relaxed— breathing in each others’ scents and eyes closed to the warmth of close bodies. The joy of shared kisses.

Behind her, there are soft sounds of kisses and whispered promises being exchanged. In front of her, her best friend and future Alpha are wrapped in an intimate embrace, crying and clutching at each others’ faces.

There’s a hand on her shoulder, and she turns to face Peter’s half-lidded, giddy expression,

“I love you so much, Annie.”

He leans down— kissing her head, her eyelids, and her nose— and holds her close as he presses a tender kiss onto her lips. Both of their eyes close, and they smile into each others’ mouths. Peter gives a small nip to her bottom lip as both of them break apart laughing.

They look up and see Steve and Clint, finally standing and making their way to the couch. Annie opens up her arms to catch Clint as he dives forward, and all of them groan as he gets comfortable in their arms.

Annie glances up, watching Steve. The Alpha looks so proud and happy— and even as Bucky and Tony start to whine about being hungry, it seems as though the only thing Steve wants is to make his pack happy.

And that’s something Annie can get on board with.

[dameronology]

the one with the void {poe dameron x reader}

summary: poe dameron is a good boyfriend - and a surprisingly good therapist too 

warnings: language, mentions of depression 

this is my first proper imagine in a while bc i took a small break. i hope you enjoy!!

- jazz

Sometimes a bad day could turn into a multiple bad days. Then those bad days could turn into weeks and those weeks could turn into-

- Okay, you probably get the point. 

You were having a rough time of it. Nothing in particular was wrong but that might have been the worst part. The inability to pinpoint your problem translated to an inability to solve the problem. You could have gone through every aspect of your life with a fine tooth comb and still not have found anything. 

It was a lack of motivation. A lack of enthusiasm. A lack of smiling. A lack of...feeling. Of everything. You couldn’t explain it if you tried and that was posing to be a serious problem every time your boyfriend poked your cheek and demanded an explanation for the fact you’d been walking around with a face like a smacked arse all week. 

‘I’m fine, Poe.’ You muttered, swatting away his hand. 

‘Finn tripped over earlier and you didn’t laugh.’ The pilot spun your desk chair around to face him, hands gripping your shoulders. ‘I could have dealt with you not asking how his trip was but I draw the line at you not laughing.’

‘My mind is just elsewhere.’ You shrugged, trying to brush off your sudden pessimism. ‘It’s not a big deal.’

Poe let out a sigh, expression softening for a minute. ‘I haven’t seen that gorgeous smile of yours in weeks.’

‘Poe.’ You sighed. You gently ran your hand through his hair, almost smiling when he nuzzled into your touch. ‘It’s hard to explain.’

‘I’m a pretty smart guy.’ He stood up, intertwining your fingers and pulling you up with him. He lead you away from the desk chair and to your bed on the other side of the room. He fell back onto the mattress, pulling you with him. 

‘I know you are.’ You leant back against the headboard, head dropping into his shoulder. 

‘So talk to me.’

‘That’s the thing.’ You murmured. ‘I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like I’m not feeling anything at all. It’s just sort of...numb.’

‘So you’re in limbo land?’ He replied, fingers gently carding through your hair. 

‘Limbo land?’

‘Like...you’re feeling apathetic.’ Poe continued. ‘It’s the absence of emotions - you’re not sad but you’re not happy either.’ 

You shuffled round, propping your head up on your hand as you tuned to face him. ‘That’s exactly it. It’s like somebody unplugged the part of my brain that makes me feel things. Good and bad things.’

‘I get that.’ He nodded. ‘How did it start?’

‘Tiredness, I guess.’ You replied. ‘I lost motivation to finish my work and it was a death spiral from there.’

‘It’s emotional exhaustion.’ He explained. ‘You know when Beebs fries a chip and the poor guy suddenly becomes motionless? It’s like that.’

‘But then you reboot him and he’s fine.’

‘The human brain is a little more complicated than that, sweetheart.’ He softly chuckled. ‘You can’t just turn it on then off again but you can look after yourself.’

‘Leia has been banging on at me to take the week off.’ You murmured. ‘Apparently she noticed I’ve been a little off as well.’

‘How long has it been going on for?’

‘A week? Maybe two?’

Poe sighed, pulling you into his chest. He held you there for a moment, arms wound tightly around your waist as he held a hand on the back of your head. That certainly made you feel something - it was a little fuzzy feeling in the bottom of your chest. His body was warm against yours and you could smell the subtle scent of his aftershave. There were certainly worst places in the galaxy to be. 

‘You have to tell me these things, baby.’ He murmured into your hair. 

‘You’ve got your own shit to deal with.’ You replied, grip on him tightening. 

‘I am your partner - what’s yours is mine.’ He reminded you. ‘I usually use that one when I want to steal your fries but it applies to your problems as well.’

The fact that Poe had managed to take your jumbled feelings and rearrange them into something that made sense felt like a weight off of your shoulders. It didn’t solve the problem, not by a long shot, but the fact he understood had made you feel a lot less isolated from the world. 

‘I feel like a robot.’ You muttered. ‘Emotion is the only thing that separates us from droids, right? I might as well be Threepio.’

‘Oh, you’re not that annoying.’

‘Right. That’s comforting.’ 

He suddenly sat up, rolling off the bed and sticking his hand out to you. ‘C’mon.’

‘Where are we going?’ You frowned. 

‘I know where they keep the ice cream in the mess hall.’ He wiggled his fingers, prompting you to grab his hand. ‘Ice cream isn’t the cure for what you’re feeling but it sure does soften the edges of the void a little.’

Poe yanked at your hand, tugging you off the bed. Before he could make his way to the kitchen, you flung your arms around your torso and buried your head in his chest again. He staggered backwards slightly with the brute force of your body hitting his, but he quickly found his balance and returned the gesture. 

‘I love you.’ You peered up at him, chin pressed to his chest. 

‘I love you too.’ He smiled. ‘And hey! Love is a feeling. That’s proof you’re not a droid.’