#it was a mistake to fall in love with Lea as hard as I did

[chocoririi]

false expectations

Choi Beomgyu x reader

[angst]

english isn't my firs language, feel free to correct me if any mistake is made‼️

It was hard watching Beomgyu slowly falling out of love

His cheerful persona wasn't present anymore, at least not as much as before

His kisses didn't make you feel loved as they used to do

His hugs didn't make you feel as warm and cozy as they used to do

Arguments became frequent

And him... he wasn't the same anymore, at least not when you were around

Something you noticed was Beomgyu being all smiley with his friends, but when he was with you that changed, his mood changed, and not in a good way

—Am I not good enough?—

You sat on your bed, back facing Beomgyu's lying figure

—Huh?—

—I asked if I'm not good enough, Beomgyu—

Beomgyu felt his skin tense up at your serious tone, you never called him Beomgyu unless there was something going on

—You're just perfect, why would you ask that, y/nie?—

Beomgyu sat, watching as you looked down to the floor, some tears falling from their eyes to the floor

—You know why I'm asking that, Beomgyu, don't try and act all innocent, I'm not gonna buy it—

Beomgyu felt a pang at his chest, he did know why you were asking, but he didn't really wanted to hurt you with the fact that he was falling out of love, just not feeling what he did when Kai introduced you to him, he remembers that day vividly, how he felt his heart speed up at the sight of you coming his way, how much he would love to go back to the day he just stopped feeling that way and make it all right for you two, but he couldn't, and that pains his soul

—I...—

Beomgyu couldn't form a sentence, he felt his throat tightening when he wanted to speak, but nothing came out...

—I think we need space, gyu—

There it was, the nickname you gave to him the night he gave you your first kiss

But his attention flew back to you the second he saw you grabbing a bag with some of your belongings

—What are you doing y/n?—

—I'm gonna take some time, I'm really sorry Beomgyu—

So you left, and he didn't expect crying, but he did, knowing he might've lost you

You were way too good for him, he thought, the way you looked at him as if the whole universe was in his eyes, you really adored him, he really felt like a jerk for letting you go

...

You walked to Kai's house, seeking for a place to stay, and you knew you were always welcome there, being basically just another sibling of them

You knocked, knowing that Lea would open, as it has always been

When she opened the door she smiled, but when she saw your puffy eyes she rushed to make you go inside, embracing you as soon as she closed the door

—What happened, y/nie?—

You looked at her eyes, letting her know you didn't want to talk about it, and she immediately understood

—Kai's in his room—

You thanked her, going upstairs and knocking on the room you've been familiar almost all of your life

—Bahiyyih, I won't give you my plushie, just get over it!—

You laughed softly and knocked again, hearing Kai's steps getting closer

—Hiyyih... oh, y/n, what are you doing here? are you okay?—

You denied

—Does it have to do with Beomgyu?—

You nodded as he embraced you, feeling your body shaking as you sobbed on his shoulder

He made you go inside his room, sitting on his bed

—What happened?—

You sighed, not feeling really prepared, but he was your best friend, you told him everything that happened to you

—I think he doesn't love me anymore...—

Kai flinched, not expecting that

—Why do you think that?—

—It just... it doesn't feel as it used to, you know?—

Kai nodded, but he was still confused, Beomgyu was so in love with you, what happened to that?

—I think I know what can cheer you a bit—

You looked at him, confused

—What?—

He smiled, holding your hand and taking you downstairs to the kitchen

—Cookie baking!—

You smiled at him, he really knew you well

...

When you finished baking the cookies and let them chill a bit, they took a seat on the living room's couch, playing some cartoons on the tv

—What time is it?—

You took your phone to look at the time, but all you saw was some missed calls and various texts from Beomgyu

Kai noticed you going silent, so he tried to catch your attention

—y/n, you okay?—

Tears threatened to fall from your eyes, looking down before letting some tears fall down

—Oh my god, y/n—

Kai got closer to you and embraced you on a warm ant tight hug, assuring you it was gonna be alright

After some minutes you finally composed and smiled softly at Kai

—I think we should eat something, it's 10pm already—

—And what do you want to eat?—

—Let's get burgers!—

He laughed and got up from the couch you imitating his actions and leaving the house

—Let me get Lea so she can drive us there, okay?—

You laughed and nodded, waiting outside, looking through your phone as you waited

—Y/n?—

You glanced at the person calling your name

—Yeonjun, hi!—

—What are you doing here?—

—Oh, I'm going to eat burgers with Kai—

You looked at Yeonjun's eyes, you have never noticed how pretty he actually was, until now, but Kai came back and ruined your moment

—Y/n! Lea doesn't want to drive us... oh, Yeonjun! what are you doing here?—

—I was just passing by and saw y/n, so I just came to say hi—

—Would you mind driving us to Downtowner Cheongdam?—

...

And just like that you ended on the front seat side by side with Yeonjun, with Kai complaining for being left in the backseat

—How can you complain when you lost on rock paper scissors?—

Kai just grumbled, making you laugh

—We're here—

Kai immediately got out of the car, opening your door and rushing you to get out too, he was really hungry

—Come on Yeonjun!—

Yeonjun laughed at Kai's desperation and walked inside the building with the two of you

...

—But why are you feeling sad? you're not in love with them anymore, just leave them already!—

—It's not that easy, Jiho—

Jiho rolled her eyes

—Yet you keep coming back to me when you feel like it, stop pretending you care for them, Beomgyu—

She took a sip of her coffee and Beomgyu stayed silent because he knew she was right, until the sound of the door opening caught his attention

—Y/n?—

Jiho looked at the direction Beomgyu was looking, smirking at the sight

—Seems like they had someone else too—

...

You played rock paper scissors again to see who would take the order, and Kai lost, again

As Kai went to order, you and Yeonjun searched for a seat, and when he sat by your side you blushed, feeling his leg crashing with yours, but then, you saw Beomgyu, with a girl you've never seen before, was she the reason he was falling out of love? was he cheating on you this whole time?

Yeonjun noticed it and he tried to gain your attention

...

y/n♡: I think we need to talk...

y/n♡: Can we meet at the cafeteria we used to go?

gyu🧸: Sure, what time?

y/n♡: Is it okay if we meet right now? I want it to be fast...

gyu🧸: Ofc, see you there, lovely<3

The nickname made your stomach churn, he made it harder to try forget him

You really didn't want to change clothes, neither had the eagerness to

As you walked to the place, you prepared yourself mentally, to finally leave him

And when you entered the place, he was already there, grasping a drink in hands

When he saw you, you swore that you saw sparkles in his eyes as he waved at you, but you were there to finish everything between the two of you, not to fall again into him

So you took a seat in front of him, and he smiled, but you just sighed

—Let's break up—

His smile immediately vanished

—W-what? why?—

—Why do you ask Beomgyu? it's obvious that you're not in love anymore—

He stayed silent

—Beomgyu, we can't continue this, not anymore, I never know what are you feeling, and it makes me doubt if I really mean something to you, because I care for you, and I really want to know what you are feeling and stop overthinking about it, I'm tired of being stuck in a relationship that was never meant to happen—

Beomgyu felt his heart break at your last words, did you really mean it? cause he actually didn't regret any moment by your side

—I'm... I'm really sorry I made you doubt my feelings for you, you know I have a bit of trouble while expressing myself, and you know I loved you, even more than you can imagine—

—But not anymore...—

Beomgyu looked down, nodding ashamed

—I'm sorry for hurting you and make you regret it....—

—It's okay—

He looked at you, with glossy eyes, making you feel a bit guilty, but you knew it all was for your own good

—So this is it?—

His voice took you out of your trance and you nodded

—Yeah... this is it—

He tried to smile though the tears

—I hope you find someone who enlightens you and doesn't let you go the way I did—

You smiled and slowly stood up, muttering a soft 'thank you' to finally leave him alone, on the cafeteria that held most of your memories

...

14/02/18

7:00pm

—Do you think we'll grow old together, beom?—

He smiled at your question

—I do, maybe we'll live in the prettiest home we'll find here in Seoul, with Toto, maybe even a kid—

You blushed just by thinking about it, punching his shoulder softly

—Please don't, one you is enough—

He laughed

—Well, I think a mini version of you would be cute—

—Stop it Beomgyu!—

You two laughed as you kept bickering each other

...

17/06/19

12:28am

—It's really pretty, whoa...—

Beomgyu smiled at the way your mouth hung open at awe as you saw the strawberry moon

—Just like you...—

You turned to look at him and pecked his lips

—But not as pretty as you—

Beomgyu blushed and you laughed

—I love you, y/n—

He said while kissing your forehead

—I love you even more, beommie—

...

27/05/20

2:39am

—You have really pretty eyes... you know?—

Beomgyu laughed at your drunk state, placing you on bed

—Yeah, yeah, go to sleep before you say something you'll regret in the morning—

When he tucked himself in bed by your side, he got a bit startled at your hands cupping his cheeks, staring deeply at his eyes

—Woah... I really really... really like you, Choi Beomgyu... you have really pretty eyes, I could drown in them—

Your face came closer with his as you tried to kiss him, but passed out before even placing your lips on his

Since that day, Beomgyu always teased you, but deeply, he didn't show how harder he fell for you that day...

...

20/10/21

10:57pm

—Gyu, stop kissing my face and just go to sleep already!—

Beomgyu hugged your waist, kissing your jaw and cheeks even more

When you finally fell asleep he chuckled and finally stopped kissing your face

—Goodnight, lovely—

...

10/03/21

8:00pm

He's smiling, and you're admiring his pretty smile

—I'm so lucky to have you by my side...—

—I love you so much, y/n—

—And I love you even more—

That being said, you kissed his lips

...

17/10/22

10:39pm

It was wrong, it was so wrong, and Beomgyu knew it, but why did it feel so good?

He was drinking outside, and before he could even think of it, he was already kissing another girl's lips, he felt so guilty, but he couldn't help himself

He felt so guilty he couldn't even face y/n, and before he knew it, he started falling out of love...

...

Present day

9:00pm

It hurts, it really hurts like hell watching you walking though the school halls, not even sparing a glance to him or his direction

It hurts like hell watching you fall in love with Yeonjun, cursing himself for not appreciating you enough when you were there

But at least you were happier, moving on from how much he had hurt you, and maybe you weren't made for each other, and it was okay, because you both learnt how to love, how much love could be as pretty as much as it could hurt

And at the end of it all, you thanked your relationship was the prettiest memory of your youth you could ever ask for

[unravellinginyourarms]

And So It Is

Thursday, 02.23.23 at 2:19am

Yesterday, I had a really bad day at work, mostly during the afternoon. A great deal of adrenaline that was fuelled by my anger had accumulated in my body. It felt like I was losing my mind. I just wanted to run around and scream and cause as much distress as I was feeling internally. That is the difficult thing about having such a destructive spirit like my own. I do my best to sound as relaxed as possible, but my extremely shaky hands often gives it away. In the end, I don’t want to project onto others, they don’t deserve it. It is up to me to manage the way I feel. But it can be soooooo fucking hard sometimes. 

I’m really moved by the act of restoring justice. I believe in advocating for those without a voice. I believe in advocating for myself. Unfortunately, there are moments in my life where sticking up for myself can be perceived by others as “aggressive” or “overreactive”. The truth is, I’ve lived so much of my life cowering in fear of what other people may think when I pushed back. I hated being labelled as a “mean” / “angry” girl. It felt very invalidating, as if people were certain that my reaction had no reasonable source or merit. I do not get angry for no reason, that’s just ridiculous. As an adult, I had learned to lean into my beliefs and use my voice to convey them. Regardless of who it is, I will say what I am thinking and feeling. I will take the time to really consider what it is that I was going to say, but in the end, I do not wish to hold back. I believe that when my time comes and I must die, I will be glad to know that I said everything I wanted to say, the moment I got the chance. I believe that speaking and enacting my truth, will never lead me down a bad path. It’s true, sincerity can be scary, but ultimately, I believe that it is worth it. 

I get annoyed when people deem the truth as “ugly” or “frightening”. I find the truth to be the most liberating thing a person can experience. If anything, it’s those who can comfortably remain dishonest that make me feel uneasy. I will not fall into this category simply to put other people at ease. I’m not here to coddle anyone. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to go out of my way to be rude or aggressive. I will, in fact, be working on reducing those things. However, I am not going to lose sight of what is important to me. I am not going to let anyone think that I will take their disrespect and do nothing about it. I will fight for myself every single time. Please note that I’m not saying I will refuse to be wrong. If anything, I’m actually super comfortable with admitting when I am wrong or have made a mistake. Those moments are the basis of learning. 

I am not infallible. I am a person, just like everyone else. If my worth was drastically affected by every mistake I made, then I don’t think a single person would like me. I believe that this passion I have is rooted in my early experiences. Growing up, I thought that people’s love for me was conditional, on the basis that I did everything “right”. If I was smart, well mannered, talented etc . . . then I was worthy of being loved. This mindset made me a chronic perfectionist for many years. I suffered greatly because I was afraid to be honest, to ask for help when I needed it most, to receive support in general. I did everything on my own, I couldn’t bear the thought of relying on anyone else. If what I did was not “good enough”, especially in terms of test / assignment marks, then I had no value. I was a meaningless piece of flesh, an absolute waste of life.

When I got to University, I faced a great deal of “failure” / “rejection” and it was tough. Eventually, I came to learn that approaching every obstacle with a feeling of defensiveness or insecurity, would then inhibit my ability to perform and make the best possible decisions. Instead of looking at everything as a challenge that will give me a hard time, I should instead look at every obstacle with an open minded and learning centred approach. I have to believe in my own abilities and accept that even if I am not perfect, I am (at the very least) trying. Effort + the ability to apply what I have learned as quickly as possible are the key factors in becoming a successful person. At least, that’s what I think.

And so it is. Tonight, I am writing this post as a reminder that it is okay to make mistakes. It is okay if you don’t get what you want. Rejection is not a final sentence. If anything, rejection is typically a sign for redirection. Or as Thomas Jefferson once said:

“If you want something you've never had, you must be willing to do something you've never done.”

I came across this quote this week and it really resonated with me. I’m going to continue to fight for my causes, to remain flexible, patient, kind, and resilient. I will encourage myself to do more than before. I will try things that I had not considered previously, and my life will become far more abundant this way.

I’ve been feeling quite optimistic about the future. I hope my gut feeling is correct. May this passage remain as another artifact of my personal reflections and growth.

– Isla

[baejax-the-great]

2 and 15 for the writer asks

2. Has a comment someone left on a fic of yours ever made you cry?

Yes! This one from Skeleton_ships:

Is it weird to say I've missed your Hawke? Because I absolutely adore Leandra, and you've fleshed her out so well and given her so much personality that she seems as real and full as any of the characters created by Bioware. 

That someone could feel that way about her just meant so much to me, and at the time I received this I was feeling really down about some of my FenHawke stuff. 

15.  Describe (one of) your wip(s) in the weirdest/most contrived way possible! 

A sad man hallucinates so hard that his widow and in-laws travel to the afterlife and pull him out of it. 

[samstree]

for the drabble thing: “you weren’t there”

maybe post mountain geraskier? i’m in an angsty mood rn but whatever you wanna write will be good :)

Creatures of the Night (2)

It's the night of Jaskier and Valdo's wedding. Geralt needs to do something.

(endgame geraskier, background valdo/jaskier, angst, infidelity)

Previous | AO3

The Oxenfurt Observatory might just be the grandest building in Redania.

The great hall is decorated with countless flowers and candles, giving the ancient walls a soft glow. Through the tall glass ceiling, stars are shining in the clear night sky, the perfect weather for a wedding.

It must be Jaskier’s idea, to be handfasted at midnight, to have his guests slow-dance under the moon and the stars until dawn breaks. Their new life will begin when the candles burn out and the first ray of light spills into the room.

If only there’s a competition for the biggest romantic on the continent. Jaskier could win without breaking a sweat.

The room is being filled up with guests—mostly bards and professors, old schoolmates of the two grooms. After all, both Valdo and Jaskier are Oxenfurt’s children, which means everyone is dressed in the most colorful clothes one could imagine. In another word, the room is being filled up with Jaskiers, and it’s getting loud.

It’s more difficult to locate the bard himself through the din of the room, but Geralt hears him, unmistakably. Jaskier’s heartbeat approaches the Observatory, thrumming with nervousness.

No more nervous than Geralt.

He breathes in, and exits the room in a few strides. And there Jaskier is, surrounded by pale moonlight, with jasmine flowers braided into his hair and pure joy painted across his cheeks. He seems to be murmuring a private joke to Essi, and they both burst into strings of giggles.

Geralt almost backs out.

“Geralt!” Jaskier notices him. “You came! I was worried for a moment.”

“Of course.” Geralt gestures to the outfit he helped pick out. “You look nice.”

“Thank you. Now, Poppet, can you give us a few moments?” Jaskier sends Essi inside with the sweetest smile. She shoulders past Geralt a little too curtly. There’s always an air of wariness whenever Essi regards Geralt, an untrusting side-eye here and there.

“Don’t mind her.” Jaskier waves when they are left alone. “Little Eye is a tad too protective. She’ll get over it.”

“Hmm.” Geralt swallows hard. “Can we find somewhere more private? I want to talk to you.”

Jaskier blinks, but leads them away anyway until they are by the side of the road, the celebrating crowd and the orange glow of candlelight in the distance.

“Here to make sure I end up someone else’s problem, aren’t you? Don’t worry, in about half an hour, I will be legally required to only bother Valdo for the rest of eternity.” Jaskier nudges Geralt in the shoulder, a jasmine slipping by his ear.

Geralt rights it without thinking, his fingers trembling.

Gods, he can’t say it. He can’t. Jaskier is so happy and Geralt will only ruin their friendship. His second chance is too precious to be risked—

“No, actually,” Geralt heaves out a breath, his heart pounding. “The opposite."

Jaskier snorts, “And, my dear witcher, what is the opposite?”

Here it goes.

“I am in love with you.”

The words sink into the silence. Geralt’s world narrows down to the steady rise and fall of Jaskier’s chest and the little hitch in his breathing. In the darkness of the night, Jaskier’s eyes stay in the shadows, his emotions obscured.

“No, you are not.” When he finally answers, it comes out in a snort. “Ha! A good one, Geralt! And they say witchers don’t have a sense of humor, idiots!”

Jaskier lets out another dry laugh, although the waver in his voice betrays everything.

“I am,” Geralt stresses again, “in love with you, Jaskier.”

Jaskier is staring, the upturn of his lips freezing into shock, the rise and fall of his chest picking up into a frenzy and suddenly he’s breathing too fast. “You can’t. You just can’t…” Air seems to trap in his lungs and a salty tang of tears hits Geralt full-force.

“I wish I couldn’t love, like what they say, but Jaskier, I can and I do—”

“You can’t do this to me!” Jaskier shouts, crying openly. “No, no! You don’t get to tell me this now! We had twenty years…”

Geralt wants more than anything in the world to pull Jaskier into his arms and wipe away the tears, but the space between them is too great. “I didn’t know for twenty years, Jask. Forgive me. It was only after the mountain that I learned how important you were to me. I couldn’t go on like this—”

“The mountain?” Jaskier chokes out a whimper. “You realized after the mountain? You mean when I bared my heart to you and you stomped on it like it was nothing?”

Geralt shakes his head, the guilt constricting his chest. “I’m sorry. For all the pain I caused you.”

“For months I thought I was but a mistake to you, that you hated me for two decades and couldn’t wait to cast me aside like dirt stuck on your shoes. Do you even know… Geralt, do you have an ounce of idea what I went through?”

Jaskier sways and Geralt catches him in his arms, placing his head on his shoulders and feeling the uncontrollable shakes running down Jaskier’s spine. The sight of Jaskier hurt because of him, again, pains Geralt more than any monster’s claws or talons.

“I love you, Jaskier,” he vows. “You were never nothing to me. You are everything. I was an idiot. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Jaskier struggles and swats at his shoulders and Geralt takes it all the while murmuring more sweet nothings into his ear. Finally, when Jaskier calms down, it’s with another whimper. “You are an idiot.”

“I am.” Geralt cradles the nape of Jaskier’s neck, running his thumb in circles, soothing the last of the trembling away. “Just one word from you, Jask, I can take you away. You don’t have to marry him. Just give me the word and I’m yours. Gods, I’ve waited for so long for this day. At last, I’m sure of my heart, just as I’m sure of yours.”

He buries into Jaskier’s hair and inhales the grief and the flowers, and something that is distinctly Jaskier, expecting a whispered plea. Just one word from Jaskier and they can start their new life together.

What he doesn’t expect is the way Jaskier goes stiff in his arms and the hand that pushes him away.

The soft moonlight catches a glint in Jaskier’s eyes, and it speaks of determination. “Valdo,” he says, as if in a dream.

“You don’t have to marry him. We can lea—”

“Valdo will be here soon.” Jaskier sniffles and wipes at his tears frantically. His whole face is puffy from crying and there’s no way he can hide it. “It’s almost midnight.”

Geralt’s world comes to a stop.

“What?”

“Get inside, and don’t say anything about this.”

“I don’t understand. Jask, you don’t need to go through this anymore. I’ll give you anything you ask. Just say the words, please,” he begs for the first time in a century, catching Jaskier’s hand.

“I am saying it. Get inside. Sit in the back row and don’t speak to me. Valdo might be able to tell.” With a few deep breaths, Jaskier school his features back to neutral. “Only the gods know how he can read me like an open book.”

Geralt’s blood runs cold. “Do you love him?”

The anguish by the corner of Jaskier’s lips says everything. It remains as he smiles a crooked smile. “He loves me. Oh, Geralt, he loves me. I can’t hurt him like this.”

“I thought,” Geralt looks down in shame. “I thought I knew your heart.”

“I thought I did too.”

“Then why?”

“You weren’t there,” Jaskier shrugs like it’s the easiest explanation. “He was.”

Despite every cell in Geralt’s body screaming against it, he nods and lets go of Jaskier’s hand, allowing his limp fingers to slip from his grasp at last.

Jaskier has asked it of him after all.

He doesn’t know how he got back into the crowd, the warm light only a blur in his vision. Another group is stopping near the hall, among them is the other groom-to-be. Valdo’s worried voice when he sees Jaskier is another blow to Geralt’s chest.

“Oh, Julian, are you crying?”

“Just…too happy.”

There’s the sound of kissing, and Geralt can’t tune it out. He laughs at himself for the masochistic tendencies, but maybe he deserves the torture.

“No more tears. Let’s get married, my love.”

The guests settle, and the music begins.

The happy couple walks towards the altar in the witness of family and friends, and Geralt watches every moment of it.

If the smile on Jaskier’s face is a bit strained as the priest ties the ribbon, no one seems to notice.

---

A big thanks to anon for the prompt! I asked for some one-word or one-sentence prompts and the next thing I knew they were connecting into a whole story.

Each chapter of this story will be based on a prompt, so send in one if you want to steer it in certain directions ;)

Tagging: @wanderlust-t @rockysstupidity @flowercrown-bard​ @alllthequeenshorses @mothmanismyuncle @percy-jackson-is-sexy- @constantlytiredpigeon @behonesthowsmysinging @kitcatkim3 @endless-whump @rey-a-nonbinary-bisexual @llamasdumpsterfire @dapandapod

Please feel free to tell me if you want to be removed or added to the list <3

[decadentenemyturtle]

Broken heart t'was made of wood

Part 2 - Despair

Words: 3 232

Previous chapter

Warnings: Angst, fighting.

Is there thing called a 'happy ending'? You didn't know. You weren't even sure if you cared enough at a moment. Right now it felt like the whole world was mocking you. You were in a Dale, staring at Dwalin and his lady, Olka, your stomach on knots, tears threatening to drop from your eyes and betrayl still foggin your mind. You had accidently ran into them, when you were about the leave the Lonely Mountain and this whole cursed place for good. Olka had somehow seen your misery like you were an open book to her, and after she had inquired about it for sometime, you finally told her everything. Dwalin, of course, knew what was wrong with you before you had opened your mouth. You could see it from him, how he avoided looking directly at you. And after hearing the whole story, Olka got mad at Thorin, and especially for Dwalin. He had, in the end, helped to destroy the statue's. And he hadn't even told anything about it to her, which angered the dam more.

What even is an happy ending? When you had everything you could hope and ask for, or when you were the most happiest person alive, or atlest were happiest in your own life? And how long would this 'happy ending' last? Till you died, till the next happy thing happened to you? Or would it even last forever, or was there some sort of timelimit how long this happy ending would last?

When will you get one? At a moment it felt like you would never get yours, the only thing you got was hardship after hardship. What had you done to receive this? Or what should you do differently to not to screw everything up. You didn't know.

And why were you even thinking about these things, instead of focusing on these two dwarves arquing in front of you, or better yet, turning around and dashing out of the city, as far as your legs could take you. Just as you were opening your mouth to apologie and leave, Dwalin growled and pointed at you.

"She profaned the royal family! Wooden statues, tsk..." he growled out, letting his hand to drop back to his side. Men, dwarves and elves walking around you had been staring at you three more or less concerned, but now they turned to you with confusion and anger, and even some of them stopped. Your mouth was still open, and just as you turned your eyes from Dwalin to Olka, trying to figure out what to say, a tear rolled down your cheek. Olka was looking at you, and she sighed like Dís did when she was disapointted - really disappointed - at one of his sons, or both.

"So a woman in love cannot gift a courting gift to her One, to ask him to be hers, to court her, to love her and share a life with her, with gift made of her handiwork, her trade? Which just happened to be in (Y/n) case a wood, not stone, diamond's and other minerals" Olka asked, her voice firm. "And did she not get the courage to carve her gifts for the king from you of all the dwarves?" The way Dwalin's face paled and how he turned to look at you was enough. He hadn't thought that you actually loved his king, that your intention had been good, not ill willed. Or that he really had been the inspiration for your idea to make something for his king. Just as you took a step back and started to turn to leave, your face clearly and openly showing your broken heart, Dwalin turned back to Olka.

"I did nae think she would've have forgive Thorin after...." he started quietly, but stopped short. And his face showed how he closed up, hid his raw emotion, something that should not be shown to other's, even Olka. There were things about the quest that were left untold, and this story was one of them. Olka narroved her eyes and stared at Dwalin.

"After what?" she demanded. She knew that there was something that had happened between you, Thorin and Dwalin that no one hadn't told her, or anyone else before. You had stopped and turned your eyes from Olka to Dwalin, who shook his head a little. He didn't want anyone to find out, of course he didn't. But when Olka turned to look at you, you knew that this was something you needed to tell, at leas to her. Olka deserved to know the truth. It was just that... you didn't want to tell it here where anyone could here you. And there quite few spying ears still listening you three. But there was nothing you could do for it, and you had to tell it now. There was no other choise.

"After his majesty had ordered in his state of madness Dwalin to kill me and feed my body to the orcs" you simply said, your voice breaking at the end and new tears rolling down your cheeks. Olka's face turned pale, Dwalin sighed and turned his eyes down to ground from the two of you, and every person near you now openly stared at you in shock. It was a known fact that Thorin had fallen in dragon sickess, and how he had defeated it. But not everything he had done in his state of madness was public, what ever it was for to protected his face and to keep dwarves, and other races, trust to royal family or save him, and the company and their families, from the bad memories. But whatever the reason was, you now realized that there were things that should have been told earlier. Not by you, of course, but still.

Olka had had no words after this. She had slapped, or rather, Hulk smashed Dwalin's right side of the face with her fist. And then she had taken you to the inn, tears of anger and betrayl falling from her eyes.

  For once, Kíli had no words. And this was rare for him, really rare. The prince had always, always, some backup joke or comment to throw around, but now he didn't know what to say, or even what to do, or what to think. The situation he was in was just... too undrealistic, something he had never thought would happen. Something he would not have believed from his old mentor. He eyed the old warrior in front of him, sitting on a chair while Oín mended his swollen cheek and corner of his eye. It would be black and purple the next day, but hey, if someone asked from Kíli, Dwalin had asked for it and he deserved it. When Oín stepped aside to get some ointment for the swallown area, Dwalin's eyes met Kíli's.

"Where you really that blind to follow uncle's order's?" Kíli finally asked. Oín stopped for a second going through his medical back, slightly glancing at the warrior before he continued. Dwalin swallowed hard, lowering his eyes from the young prince. He wanted to scream "No!!" but they all knew it would have been just a lie. (Y/n) was not a queen yet, nor even courting Thorin, but she was still a friend of theirs, friends of his. And there was, or at leas had been, a change of her being growned to their queen.

"I never wanted tae hurt 'er, but neither did I want tae disobey Thorin. Even back then" Dwalin grumbled, now staring at his boots.

"You have been his majesty's most trusted bodyguard and best friend even after the dragon attacked Erebor. You know your duty to protect him, even from himself. In his majesty's darkest hour and darkest state of mind, you should have known to question his orders, as the rest of the company did. But no, you would have blindly taken an order from him, and killed an innocent woman, and for what? Because his majesty saw an betrayl in Bilbo, and somehow linked her to this same betrayl. And since he couldn't get our bulglar killed, he atleas wanted (Y/n) dead. As an worrior, you should have seen and realized, that this was an order you should not have done, and disobeyd" Kíli said. Dwalin's eyes shot up to him, surprised. This was far too mature reply for the lad. Yet, part of Dwalin was proud of him, for the lad showed that he was maturing well, and growing to be a fine, fair prince of Erebor. And how he was far too right, and was not afraid to point out when someone had made a grave mistake.

"Indeed, he should have" a deep voice called behind them. Kíli, Dwalin and Oín turned to see Thorin, and a shaken looking Dís and far too serious Fíli at the entrance of the infirmary. Fíli had his arm around Dís' shoulders, who in turn had hand over her mouth and tears running silently down her cheeks. No one said anything for a second, and just as Kíli turned his eyes and stared somewhere far away, Thorin took a step towards his nephew, his most trusted healer, and his best warrior.

"Dwalin, I trust you as a warrior and as my best friend more than anything. But at that time, when I was blinded by my rage and goldsickness, I wish you would not have been so loyal to me, but to be loyal to your other friend, a woman who could have been your queen. Even, yes, when we were not quite aware of that back then. I have loved that cursed wood crafter longer than I'd like to admit, and now I have driven her away, in more ways than I'd like to admit" Thorin spoke.

And only then did Dwalin look directly at the king. And he felt the pain of his loyalty to his friend and king, and while apologing for his mistakes, he silently accepted whatever faith would bring him. Because now Dwalin finally saw that his blind loyalty for his king came with a price.

The queen was not dead, but she was lost for her lover and her people, before she was even called their queen.

  "Are you absolutely sure you are going to walk the jorney back there?" Olka asked, holding you arms apart from herself. You half smiled to her. You were sure. You had no life in Erebor, or in Dale. And you were sure that Thranduil wouldn't welcome you in his realm. The elf king had no opinion of you other that a "foolish girl travelling among a punch of dwarves, and being a lovesick fool". He knew you loves Thorin, he had quessed it at the night you and Bilbo had snuck out of the mountain to give the Arkenstone to Thranduil and Bard. And the elf king was far too bitchy and drama queen to want to get involved in another kings love life. The evening was getting late, and you had hoped to be far by now. But, well, things had happened. First Olka and Dwalin had accidently run into you, and the Olka had taken you to an inn to eat - and then you had almost ran out when she tried to sugget that youd sleep there, alone with your thoughts, this close to the mountain and Thorin. You knew you'd crawl back to the mountain by morn. These past few hours had been filled with tears and cursing and plotting a few ways to hit, kick, destroy and murder several unnamed dwarves. But, in the end, after the tears were dried, they got to live safe and sound.

And after a sertain wizard had announced his presence in the inn, you had been more than ready to leave this place, once and for all. And, all honesty, Gandalf was more than ready to take you wherever you wanted to go. Albeit he did look heartbroken and seemed to already know your story in sertain area without you explaining him anything. Ugh, wizards, am I right?! But still, you were thankfull for him for escorting you to your destination. You couldn't have asken for a better companion.

"Yes, my dearest friend, I am sure. My place is not in here. And, if my plan fails me in the greenest hills in all of Arda, I hope I still have a place among the elves of the last homely home" you said, with a small smile curving on your lips. Olka's lips, in turn, turned in to a thin line. Her eyes turned away from you and she swallowed, hard. You could easily see, how she blamed herself of Dwalin's mistakes. But, this wonderful dwarrowdam had nothing to do with Dwalin's mistakes, she hadn't even known about them until today! So, you lifted your hands to her cheeks and when Olka's eyes met yours, you smiled to her.

"Dwalin's an idiot, big time. But you are not. There are few person's here who I can count as my friends. You and Dís are few of them" you told Olka, locking your eyes with her. You knew Olka didn't like Dís that much, and how she only endured her for Dwalin's sake. And for the boys sake, for she was like an aunt to those two idiots. You could have been an aunt to them too, if things had gone differently, you thought a little bitterly, but soon brushed it off from your mind. For the last time, Olka drew you for her arms and gave you last embrace.

"Do not lose hope" she whispered. You frowned and turned your head little to her, but you didn't see her face well. "Thorin is an idiot, but I do hear things. I overheard Dís once telling her boys, how Thorin has changed, somehow, and now I understand. Our king loves you, and it is his love for you that has changed him. If he just wasn't such an covard, Erebor would have received an excellent queen" Then Olka let go of you, bowed to you with a murmur of "my queen" and then she was gone.

Silent tears rolled down your face, when you walked to the room you shared with Gandalf. When the morning came, you two were gone. And not a soul came to get you back to the mountain.

  "I heard from Olka that aunt (Y/n) left with Gandalf" the comment was said to no one in particular, and no one answered to it. The silent went on smd on, again, in royal living area as it had before the said comment. Then someone sighed.

"Uncle" someone said, and after a few seconds the raven haired king moved enough to let the speaker know that he had hear him, and only then did the speaker continue; "Are you sure about this?" When he wasn't about to say anything else, the king turned fully towards him, eyeign the young, dark haired prince with deep frown on his face.

"What do you mean, nephew?" the kings deep voice asked. The room was silent, besides the noice of someone still writing on a perchant. Then, brown eyes rose to meet blue ones and someone sighed. Again. 

"Are you absolutely sure you are alright with her gone?" the younger one asked. And then, there was silence, even the pen writing on perchment had stopped. It almost seemed as if everyone held their breath. The blue eyed king turned back to stare the table in front of him. And then his eyes met the small music box.

"And what am I to do with it? She left. She does not love me" he answered, his voice hoarse. Now someone else sighed, tierdly. The king didn't need to turn to look at his sister to know how she was messaging he temple. And he was sure he heard someone mumble a word "Idiot". And only then did he turn to glare around to room, only to stop and stare at his best friend. They stared at each other. For a long while.

"Your majesty, she might have left, and for agood reason, but I am most certain that she still loves you" the old warrior said. He didn't say anything else, but the king knew there was a but. And in his heart and mind, he knew what it was. But because he was a coward, he didn't say it aloud. Instead, it was his nephew that had to say it aloud.

"But you drow her away, uncle. And you didn't go after her, or send someone after her, and that blasted wizard. You did nothing to try and get her back, to apologie, to try and get everything clear with her" the brown eyed prince said, bitterly. And the king knew how right this young boy was. But the next question took him by surorise. "So, dear uncle, what will you do now? What are you ready to do to make things right?"

The king sat there for a second, and then his eyes turned to meet both his nephews. And then his sisters.

"I love her" he simply said. And then he wasn't sure, what to say or do. And clearly everyone else in the room expected him to continue. His sister even let her brow rise in question.

"Yes, and?" the young prince asked, clearly running out of patience. Thorin sighed, and turned his eyes back to the table, trying not to roll them. He had to remind himself to not to tell the young prince to try and controll his patince, no matter how hard it was, and no matter the situation. He knew how hard it was to controll it. Because if it was up to him, he would be married by now and living happily...

.......

.....................

He'd be happily married now. With a woman he loved. With a woman, who was now Maker knew where, with that meddling Grey wizard. The king's eyes snapped to his oldest friend and seconds later he rose, maybe too quickly since the chair almost flew to a floor.

"Dwalin, where is your wife?" he said. Dwalin's brow only rose.

"Why'dye wanna know?" he asked, even when he, as did everyone in the room, already knew the answer. Bastard, the king thought as he glared at his best friend.

"I need to find my One. Even... Even when it takes some arrangment's and time to get everything ready. But still, I need to find her, I need to find..." he started to speak fast, trying to get everything clear and ready in his mind, all the while he walked around the room, until he was stopped his older nephew, who spoke now for the first time to him in a while.

"Uncle, stop. You have me, you have us. I will take care of the ruling while you are gone, I am your hair after all. Just go and get your stuff ready, and be quick! And take Dwalin and Olka, and few other warrios with you, and go. We'll be fine" he said. Their eyes locked, and for a few seconds they just stared at each other. Then, with the young blond hair's final nod and words, the king turned and left; "Uncle, go. Go and do what is right"

Tagged;

@sukeraa

[yongiefilms]

EVANESCENCE.

pairing: mark lee x reader (female)

genre: fluff; angst; hints of humor; best friends!au; high school!au; college!au; unrequited love!au

warnings: language, heartbreak, indirect mentions of depression, crying is involved, mentions of death and loss, complex feelings, if you have a weak heart this may be hard to bear, you are literally in for a ride with a lot of ups and downs (i don’t know this is hard to put warnings on for some reason just beware with angsty teen feels aka angsty teen mark)

word count: 6.4k (how did i write this much? it is surely a mystery)

summary: distance is hard for anyone. it’s especially hard for couples, and maybe even more so best friends. with hundreds of thousands of miles separating you and mark lee, it’s impossible not to note the countless possibilities of what could go so wrong by being away from each other for an unknown amount of time. to cope with that longing mark lee writes to you, and he can only hope the feelings he pours out to you on paper are enough to keep that one thread you both are hanging by, unwavering and simply together.

author’s note: this fic is dedicated to our favorite giggly, watermelon loving, and adorably awkward social boy—mark lee. it’s officially his birthday in the states so happy 21st birthday, my precious and sweet boy. thank you for always brightening up our world and putting a smile on our faces. also, huge shoutout to my proofreaders/beta readers ( @wooqzi​ and @mjlkau​ ). you both were literally lifesavers and i can’t thank you enough for enduring through this semi-long fic with me, but i love you my renjun enthusiasts, you’re amazing.

THE CONTENTS OF THIS LETTER IS CONFIDENTIAL AND SHOULD NOT BE READ BY ANYONE OTHER THAN Y/N L/N. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

march 16, 20XX

my dearest y/n,

i remember the first time i saw you. i remember it so vividly that it seems like it was just yesterday, a fleeting instant in time that managed to stand still, being permanently engraved in my brain. it was november 15th, 20XX—our sophomore year of high school. i recall walking into our school’s library at around 3:25pm because i had to return a book from my literature and composition class. at that point i was also still waiting for my ride to come pick me up so i thought why not kill two birds with one stone? however, i wasn’t prepared for what i would see. (call me cheesy, though i already know you did once you saw the first couple of sentences).

when i strode in i saw you as if we were in the movies, where the male lead is stunned into awe at the gorgeous girl he comes across. you were sitting at a table by yourself in the center of the room with your back to me and the infamous large window that covered nearly the entire wall behind you. for some reason that same day was exceptionally beautiful. the sky was a vibrant blue shade with a few remains of scattered clouds, dotting the sky in white freckles. the sun shone a little brighter than usual, its warmth felt like a blanket wrapped around the body and it reflected across your face at the heaven-sent angle when you turned your head the tiniest bit, adoring you in a pleasant glow. i strolled in right at that moment when the sun decided to showcase you in its beauty and i couldn’t help but be astonished. you looked so ethereal and virtuous. i simply couldn’t look away. your arms were rested on the table, on either side of the book you had opened and when the sun was covered by a transient cloud, casting you in its shadow, is when you became more real, more like someone who was attainable. you then suddenly groaned and put your head down rather harshly on top of the book, emitting a loud sigh. i was quite surprised that no one called you out due to the noise you were making, you were in a library after all. (just know i can picture you rolling your eyes just about now).

yet i perceived it was odd that from merely hearing your sound of distress, i wanted to protect you. i wanted to shield you from future harm and future inapt doings. you made my heart clench so tightly i wondered what was wrong with me and how i could feel so deeply. i didn’t even know you. i hadn’t even seen you around school before. you were a stranger to me so why did i feel a certain way? i questioned myself and even still, to this day, i can’t bring myself to give you answers for that query nor can i find them. i suppose that is where i put the blame for what happened next.

i was so caught up in my head that i didn’t notice my feet had moved on their own accord right next to your table, where your head still rested. i know i must have looked insane and i don’t inculpate you for your reaction in the slightest. i was brought back to reality when the sun shone in my eyes just allowing me to turn my head to see you in your empyrean grandeur. the timing was appropriate too, because that was when you snapped your head up to meet my eyes. i was as startled as you, but it showed more clearly in your eyes rather than mine, considering i was so disoriented from reality. your eyes were wide, allowing me to clearly see the stunning color that was full of curiosity. you tilted your head to the right like a lost puppy kicked to the curb, waiting for someone to finally claim them. nevertheless, your own surprise didn’t last long since mere seconds after you scoffed loudly and turned away from me to bring your attention back to your assignment. your next words were the ones that sealed the deal and i seriously must have been crazy to be attracted by mere words that offended me above all, but they didn’t. if anything my heart clenched in my chest even more. (i must have been so out of it…i know you are laughing your ass off right now because of the dilemma i had. cruel). but you said, “what the hell are you looking at? you weirdo.” i knew then that would be the start of a glorious friendship and it was. i never happen to be wrong and that was one time i was thankful, even if it isn’t my most fondest memory (shut up) it still sparked the start of something much greater. something that i felt could last a lifetime.

so yes, we became the best of friends ever since that day and what a wild ride it was to get to that point. i knew you considered me too weird, too quiet, and too awkward for your taste, but we made the friendship work. we became inseparable even in our differences and for the rest of the years to come in high school, we were joined by the hip. there wasn’t you without me and there wasn’t me without you. you always had mark lee with y/n l/n and vice versa. i guess you could say you had me marked in your heart as you were in mine. (cue another eye roll and a laugh. i know you laughed). we were known for being that inseparable duo of best friends. you couldn’t have one without the other. some thought it was peculiar to see the once lonely boy and spirited girl befriend one another and be so compatible. it was unexpected, but they got used to it like all the other things that come and go. they came to accept it and even if their opinions didn’t matter to you, those things did to me because i wasn’t like you. i couldn’t brush off dislike or unacceptance. i didn’t have the power to do so, but don’t worry anymore, my love, i have come a long way and perhaps it is all due to you.

i’ve always wondered how we balanced each other out since everyone said we just didn’t quite fit the picture. you were dauntless and confident, knowing exactly what you wanted and you weren’t afraid to go out to get it. while i was embarrassing and closed off, not knowing the path to follow for my life and too scared to make mistakes when i knew i couldn’t fix them. although through our own struggles we were able to help each other grow and find ourselves. we became comfortable in our own skin and accepted who we were with all our faults, failures, and imperfections. you were someone who guided me and i only hoped that i was able to guide you the same way you did during this absurd journey of teenage life.

i suppose that is why i am afraid to tell you these next few words, these next few paragraphs that place my heart out for everyone to see and hear—but i don’t care about them, i only have ever cared for you and i always will. you may have assumed this from the start of this letter or it may have gone over your head as something that is normal for everyone to experience with another attractive soul at first glance. or you may have known throughout our years of knowing each other. you could have picked up the signs of things that weren’t so platonic—the gazes, the touches, or the words that meant something more than just friendly. you could have noticed, but refused to acknowledge the deeper undertones for your sake and most certainly my own. i know you and i know the last thing you would want for me is to be hurt or disappointed. to feel like you failed me when in reality if you knew that wouldn’t have mattered, since to me our friendship is worth more than any romance, if there would have been one at all. so you know, i am certain now, but it still scares me to write it down, to have it on permanent record for you to read whenever you want.

so here it goes.

over that time, over the course of us getting to know each other and becoming who we are today, the best of friends, i slowly started to fall for you—the person you were, someone i couldn’t be even if i tried. someone so raw, beautiful, and most of all real, both on the inside and out. you know i never was shallow, i never cared about someone’s appearance as what held significance to me the most was the heart. if your heart was good and wholesome and filled with love. that is what matters and the only thing that should. so while you are gorgeous (don’t let that get to your head now), you had a golden soul that i fell for ever so intensely.

i guess that’s why i decided to be daring that day—our senior graduation. you may be confused on what i mean since nothing was out of the ordinary that day, well for you at least. for me it was a different story. you see i had decided to do something, something out of my comfort zone and i honestly don’t know what came over me to do it in the slightest. you know how i am, i never like to be put into an uncomfortable situation since i don’t know how to deal with them. my social awkwardness just gets the best of me, but in that spur of a tick, realizing this was a huge milestone in our lives that we were overcoming, a milestone that would release us into the real world, i mused there was no harm. i really didn’t have anything to lose, except you that is. i could lose you, but i guess i knew deep within my heart that was a slim possibility because nothing could tear us apart, not even stupid teenage feelings. so you could say i finally gained enough confidence after spending so much time with you to do something out of the ordinary—to be bold like you. to just confess the truth and not worry about the consequences after. to just speak my mind and not surrender to fear. you helped me get to that point and while it did take some time, i was happy with who i came to be. someone proud with who they are, even for split second and i knew i had to do it before i turned back into a coward—before it was too late.

i had the ideal moment planned prior to it happening. i was going to tell you after we finished taking our graduation photos. there wasn’t a better time than that, when we were trying to capture the last moments of our high school career together. taking pictures with those we grew closer to over the years, those that made everything a little more sane, a little more fun. so when we look back we can reminisce about those times, no matter how many ups and downs there were because we finally reached the end goal. we made it.

after searching for you amongst the growing crowd for several long minutes after we proceeded off the stage, i saw you come towards me first, with your blue gown flowing in the wind. you literally ran full speed ahead and when you were a few inches away, you crashed into me. i had stumbled from the impact, taking several steps back so we both wouldn’t fall, as my arms came to rest around your own. you maneuvered your arms around my chest to give me a bear hug, stripping the oxygen away from me. when you let go after being in my embrace for what felt like eternity, i could clearly see your face. you were in a great mood—a beam on your face, your cheeks flushed from the sun’s heat, your eyes wide open with stars that filled the void, and your skin left in a brilliant glow. happiness surrounded you and a grin made its way onto my face at how in your element you finally looked. i knew it was then or never again, for your encouraging grin left me weak, yet strong. the perfect moment. yet, no moment is perfect. no one moment ever seems perfect for me. it doesn’t work out because fate wasn’t on my side—nor would it be for a long time.

you must have wanted to tell me something too that fateful day, since i could feel your excitement in my own bones and spot it a mile away, as right when i was about to confess, right when i opened my mouth to say those three dreaded words, you cut me off. you told me you had news, exciting and life changing news. news that would shatter me and wither my confidence away till what was left was speck of dust. you told me you were leaving to go to the states. that was the first pain i felt in my body. your admission letter had come in the mail earlier that morning when you were about to leave the house, on your way to the graduation ceremony. you were too anxious when your father relayed the news that you had gotten mail as your foot was almost out the door. you couldn’t wait to open it as your eagerness didn’t allow you to, so when you were handed that one large envelope addressed with your name from your dream college, your hands didn’t stop from ripping it open.

you got in.

you got into harvard university, the one college you told me since sophomore year that you wanted to go to, if it was the last thing you could do. i was so estatic for you, i was, because i knew how much the acceptance meant to you. you were working hard ever since you could talk and your passion was a huge part of that dedication to excelling in your academics. you deserved it more than anyone i knew, but my heart couldn’t help but crumble out of that exuberance.

you were rambling on about how thrilled you were and what you would do at college, all the classes you would take, the extracurricular activities, how you would have your own dorm or apartment and decorate it the way you wished. you just looked exactly how you did that day i took you out on a picnic to watch the sunset on that hill that overlooked the town—without a care in the world and so very content. so i couldn’t confess now, when you were going places, the places you dreamed of and when your life would take off for the better. you were just getting started, yet i couldn’t say what i so desperately wanted to say when you simply told me you were leaving, and so soon at that. i didn’t want to hold you back and i just know you are telling me i wouldn’t have, but i know the truth as do you. you would have stayed behind because you care too enormously with your heart to ever let me go, to ever have me sorrowful. so i didn’t say anything when you backtracked and asked me what i wanted to say before you spilled the news. i was thinking more with my head rather than my heart at that juncture. you gazing at me with your star-filled eyes and dazzling smile, i couldn’t do it, no matter how much energy coursed through my veins. i kept my mouth shut and told you it was nothing. you accepted the excuse though i know you knew it was a lie. we could always tell when the other lied and i was just glad you believed it at that point. i held back my feelings and my wants for your feelings and wants—for your needs. your life, your wishes, and your desires always meant more to me than my own. so we took those graduation photos and laughed with the rest of our friends. we were joyful then even if the future remained imbalanced and unsure.

you left later that month since you had to settle into a new country, a new state, a new culture, and a new life. in that time it wouldn’t be us if we didn’t spend every minute side by side and we did since you wanted to cherish our time together—our last time together. you would be on one end of the world and i would be on the other, thousands of miles separating us and a wide expanding sea. it was surreal and it still is. so we treasured all of it, even the little moments of going to each other’s houses in the wee hours of the morning to just watch the sunrise or late at night to watch the stars, to go get ice-cream when we felt like it, to watch movies in your bedroom with the lights down low—to just bask in each other’s presence. we made even more memories, granted that we had plenty to go around. those last weeks with you were the best of my life, even if it felt like nothing was changing, even if it was our normal routine before the shift. even so it still made me fall deeper as i saw your true colors in an even brighter light as if i never truly saw you before. there was so much about you that just made me curious even if i knew every part of you, every aspect of your being, from the simple things like your favorite color to your hatred for pineapple on pizza, and to the deep things like your fear of being forgotten or not being good enough. even if i knew so much, there was still more to unravel and discover as you were so complex. there isn’t another person like you in the world. there can’t be since you are one of a kind. they may have your face or outward appearance, but they can’t have your fair heart or pure soul.

i shouldn’t have been dazed that these emotions i had for you would solely blossom beyond belief. i couldn’t protest either because i knew they would grow more fervent since it is so hard to control myself around you. i sound like a giddy schoolboy, but with you i can’t help but let everything run wild and free. i put my entire heart and being out onto a silver platter just for you and i knew you would only ever take good care of it. after all if anything they would be yours to either tear or mend.

so when that dreadful day arrived i wasn’t ready for the whirlwind of storm to be released and let loose. you were leaving and wouldn’t come back.

i had been in the car with you that day as well as with your parents since they were flying over with you in order to help you maneuver around a new territory and get you settled in before the start of your semester. i couldn’t bear to say goodbye to you before so i tagged along. we all strolled up to the gate and your parents passed through, leaving you with me so we could have some privacy to say everything we needed to say. albeit there weren't enough words in the world to tell you how i felt at that stage, enough words for the both of us. therefore, we let our actions speak louder. you latched onto me, putting your arms around my neck and hugged me so closed till i was sure there was no room between our bodies in that suffocating airport.

you know you told me a hundred times, maybe even a thousand times during those last weeks before you left, how much you loved me. how much i meant to you and how much you cared for me. i don’t even think the amount of times i heard that from other people could compare to how many times you said it. while they may have meant it, i know you truly did and that was the deepest sorrow to know, which broke me a little further. regardless, i did tell you them right back, how could i not when it was you? i told you those three words and eight letters every time in response, twenty-four hours and seven days a week, but when you said them there, in the midst of the crowd in the airport, it felt different. it felt more meaningful, like there was an underlying tone i couldn’t decipher and it broke me the furthest i could go.

tears came from me and you, flowing between our clashed bodies. they made their way down your face and stained my own, out of jubilation and utter devastation. when you said it in between your sobs, repeating the words like a mantra against my neck and pulled me in even closer, i told you those words back. i whispered them against your temple, kissing the side of your head every time i repeated them and i meant them with all my heart because i truly did love you, so much, just in a way you didn’t love me, and never could.

i was sure i couldn’t recover from your departure once i saw you walk through those gates and let go of me. i wondered if i could ever hold you back again like i did at that moment. it felt like a part of me was being left behind. we were two halves of a whole and with you going, there would always be a missing puzzle piece. a piece of me would always be incomplete and i didn’t know how to feel, nor do i now. there is a hole in my chest of where you belong and i think there always will be until we connect in person again.

looking back i still smile at that memory—at all our recollections together. the woeful ones and the euphoric ones because they help me burden the pain, the heartbreak at your withdrawal from my life. it may sound dramatic considering we are still part of each other’s lives, just not in the way we were before. for distance separates us and threatens to split us apart.

you may think it doesn’t, but we both know the actuality. distance is the cause of these things—friendships, relationships, and love breaking beyond a point that is impossible to fix. where all those things are left in the dust and are fragments of what once was. now distance endangers our own foundations, our own very little things, so it’s illogical not to think about how it might destroy us. i never was a pessimistic person, but now being miles away from you, it’s hard not to think this way. i try to block it out. i try so hard, but sometimes i can’t help but allow negativity to take over, for without you here to shed light, the darkness swallows me whole.

i already know how you look reading this letter, in fact i knew from the very start what it would result in. i knew your emotions would get the best of you as they overwhelm you and you can’t hold them in like you desire to. maybe it happened from the very start or maybe it started now, but i want you to stop the tears that are already cascading down your face. don’t cry reading this. this piece of paper is not worth your tears, even if you think the opposite way and maybe those words i just wrote don’t mean anything because you are already sobbing, but stop them before they consume you. i am not worthy of those tears nor is it my intention to ever make you weep.

you know you always said you couldn’t cry, your body wouldn’t let you wail even if you begged it to. you told me that the day your grandmother died and you came over to me after the funeral. you told me no matter how glum you were and how much pain you felt, you couldn’t mourn for your grandmother. that you pushed your body to release tears but it wouldn’t so you looked unmoving and without emotion during the service. while that may have been the truth just that once, i knew well enough that was a lie. you were numb to feeling since you lost someone, but you body did want to grieve since you were just holding yourself back from looking weak. nonetheless you never are so-called frail because you are the toughest person i know and tears don’t dictate that strength regardless.

so in the deepest part of your room, at the latest times of the night when you thought no one was looking or knew, you cried your heart out. you whimpered too often and i was able to tell even if i never voiced it, but somehow you knew that i knew and you were okay with it. you were okay with letting me know you were and are human. so every time when you would cry i told you that you were too beautiful for it, in order to give you a piece of how i saw you in my head. to allow you to understand it was okay and normal above all. even now, though i can’t see your tear stricken face, you are stunning. so don’t bawl, but rather smile for me.

good.

your smile was always one of my favorite characteristics of yours. the most blinding beam that could light up a room and make anyone forget their worries.

you know even if it may seem gloomy, blame the mood in which this letter took a turn, i still am grateful we keep in contact even if you are so many miles away, because that’s the only thing i ever wanted, to keep in touch with you—to remain best friends. a factor that we still are…(for now).

so yes, it may be six months since i last saw you face-to-face, six months since you left, six months since we managed to stay in contact, but i can just feel you slipping away, becoming someone without me by your side through it all. yes, i know you and i are still who we are since those months ago, since sophomore year, but it’s just something that i can’t help but feel.

in fact i already sense it, it is near, but yet far. you know how i know? when we were on call the other day. it was last wednesday i believe and we were chatting about how our day went, the usual things in our routine, that is until you casually mentioned someone asked you out on a date last week. the mere fact that you didn’t tell me the day of or the day after it happened hurt more than your following words, albeit they equally packed a punch. you told me it was that one boy from your history of psychology class, the boy you did countless assignments with before, the boy you befriended nearly the first day your classes started. the boy i felt would take my spot from your life, if not as your lover, then as your best friend. i forgot his name, but i recollect you said he had that incorrupt look on his face that you perceived him to be pure the first day you laid eyes on him, although after learning more about him, he was far from being innocent. you told me in explicit detail what he looked like and the personality he had. i recall bits and pieces, even if i desperately tried to forget. delicate hands, an artistic gift, a slightly short stature, a cute grin, and a savage attitude to contradict the façade. exactly like you, exactly like the day i met you with your sharp tongue and doe eyes in the library, the complete opposite of each other. while i know i reach far in many regards calling him a soon to be lover or best friend, he still has potential even if he may not have any of those labels. i know he might not be the one—the one you’ll end up marrying in a few years down the road when you have a doctor’s degree in one hand and a ring on the other, but he might as well be. he might as well be that man because the future is unimaginable to foretell, but he can still be that shell of someone you want, he can still fill the void until the time comes. so yes, he very much will have your heart for a while, if you deem him worthy enough, if you pursue him the way he wants to pursue you. the way you were talking about him with your tone and the smile i could hear it in your voice gave it away. i knew something was there and you would give it a shot. he might be one of many before you find the ideal one over the years and he very well might be the one, but even if he was not, he would be your first in more ways than i was. he’ll be someone i wish i could have been. someone i wish would allow me to shoot my shot, but i didn’t since with all my talk i still, deep down, was a coward.

you can’t say i am wrong anyways since sometime, someday, some when it will happen. however, what still remains, in this bit, right now, as you read, is that we are still y/n and mark. mark and y/n. we are still us, but why does it feel like we aren’t at the same time?

it’s a deep question i must admit, it is what keeps me up some nights as i search for the answer and ponder for the meaning. i still don’t know the full answer, but i know enough. we are growing up. we are growing up y/n. we aren’t 15 anymore. we aren’t those sophomore kids that had no idea what the real world had in store and were gullible in every way, shape, and form. we simply aren’t high schoolers who only cared about our grades or appearance or the plans we had after school. we aren’t those kids. we are slowly becoming adults. we are slowing steering away from our teenage years and in that comes this question of self-identity.

who are we?

that is what we are trying to look for. we are finding who we are through everything we do—through our daily lives. we are finding ourselves…without the other. we have been so close for so long and grew into that space in an unhealthy amount of time. we grew accustomed to each other’s presence so now it is almost unbearable being apart for so long. we became so attached we don’t know what to do with ourselves and it’s the cold hard reality. it’s the truth that we don’t know ourselves individually, only together and that’s why it hurts more than ever that we have to be led astray, sometime soon. to know that soon enough that time will come. to know that yes, we still contact each other every day, we still have our weekly face times or calls and what you deem our “online friend dates” during the weekends, but as often as they are, they will change. we will no longer have the time to do that as college gets crazier for both of us, as we become more involved in a college life full of parties, friends, clubs, and whatever else it may be as we move out of being freshmen and get closer to our real life careers. you and i will know when that happens as our calls will become less frequent, our check-ins almost nonexistent with the other being left in the dust for days to weeks to months on end. we merely won’t be in contact anymore and i am sorry when that comes, my love. we’ll forget each other, its expected especially as we grow older, as we date, as we find love, as we befriend new people, as we move in the direction we are meant to be going and with that the worst part follows because i know sooner or later we will have to let each other go, if we don’t neglect. we can’t hold each other back and we will dwindle to a memory of what once was, of a simpler time before. i will be the forgotten one, the one in the background of your most prominent memories, someone you can’t help but look back on.

although we aren’t there yet, but we will be.

soon.

even if at this point you hate how many times i have written that word and so do i, but don’t you dare take the high road since we all know at some point all marvelous friendships die for an unexplainable reason or reasons. ours would just have to be because of life. that’s what makes life well...life. it is all part of the journey, the road to an unforeseeable future, but there can still be hope, it doesn’t just diminish like a candle flame put out by a gust of wind. no, hope still exists, you just have to grasp it when it comes around.

if. i always hated the word if, but if it’s meant to be then we will find each other, we will come around full circle at some point. have hope for both of us when i have none.

still, when you get this, it may be too late. maybe you will have unremembered about me in the seconds of time in between the unwavering silence. only then would we have both moved on, since there is no point in reaching out for something that isn’t worth saving when it all faded away before. only then will i be just a memory and reading this will spark those thought of i knew him once before during a ephemeral moment in my life when i was a teen in high school rather than a college student, but i know i am not late.

it is one thing i am sure of.

until then, until that foreboding time arrives i’ll hold dear what we have. i will try to preserve this friendship for both of our sakes until it’s time to say goodbye or more accurately a see you later if you want to be hopeful.

whenever that may be.

i know you hate goodbyes more than anything, the word itself rattles in your bones. so y/n, see you soon, in person—someday if it’s what’s right.

it has to be right doesn’t it?

fate has to be on our side because it knows us, it knows that there isn’t me without you and there isn’t you without me. when that time arrives of us seeing each other or withering away like every flower does at the end of its life, i hope, i pray that you won’t forget me as i most certainly won’t forget you.

so just call to mind in everything you do, in everything you say, dwell on the time before college—of a time when you were a child, someone lost, someone finding themselves and in it all remember there was someone who loved you before. someone who loved you at your worst as well as at your best, before you became who you were truly meant to be, and he loved you with all his heart.

he promises he always will.

that he is me.

i love you, y/n l/n. always and forever.

never forget it.

yours truly,

mark lee  

on march 16th, 20XX at approximately 8:02pm mark lee sealed his letter to y/n and put it in his coat pocket. on march 17th, 20XX at approximately 10:32am mark lee made his way to the postal office to drop off his letter and at 10:36am the letter dropped into the box on its way to the united states. on march 20th at approximately 11:42am mark lee’s letter arrived at the massachuesetts postal office and was separated upon arrival to be delivered sometime within the week. on march 22nd at 2:07pm, mark lee’s letter arrived at y/n’s apartment complex and was dropped in the inboxes of the residents. on march 24th at approximately 7:02am y/n went to pick up the mail, but what wasn’t in the pile was the letter from mark lee. sometime between when the letter arrived in the states to the mailman driving to the complex, his letter had gotten lost. the truck’s windows were open and mark lee’s letter was at the top of the pile when the truck was parked. an unsettling breeze was felt against the mailman’s face as he gripped the entire pile of mail, though mere seconds before the letter was picked up by the wind and whooshed onto the ground several feet away. the mailman did not take note and continued on, not noticing something was missing. y/n never received mark lee’s letter and neither of them would have known how things would have ended up differently if she had. for from that point on they would be a fading memory to each other and their friendship would wane away. y/n would begin to forget the calls with mark. mark would no longer reach out after months of silence from both parties. y/n would date the boy she told mark about, his name was huang renjun and they would fall in love, but mark would never know his name or know what came to be. they would become strangers and not best friends. lost to the tragic distance that separated them across the sea. if only y/n received the letter. if only mark lee confessed. if only he had know y/n felt the same. if only their friendship hadn’t evanescenced into nonexistence…like all unrequited love stories do.

[twomoonstwosuns]

happiness.

pairing: poe dameron x reader

warnings: soft dad!poe fluff

word count: 2.2k

a/n: i’m starting to think i come up with really good fic ideas when i’m sleeping. this is my first dad poe fic so i hope you like it!

not my gif

Being a general was an honor to Poe Dameron. He was a natural born leader and he cared greatly for people. The fact that Leia Organa trusted him to be her successor meant a great deal to Poe. But it meant a lot of long days and late nights, with the Republic still in the middle of rebuilding after the years long conflict with the First Order. One of the main priorities was to revisit the mistakes made by the New Republic in the name of neutrality and creating a plan to not make the same mistakes again. That meant appointing the right people in positions of power and creating new policies and procedures should a new threat rise up.

There were little things that made the long days worth it. Poe’s best friend Finn remained his co-general. He was someone who knew firsthand the damage the toll of the war took on the people. Several of the people Poe fought alongside took on promoted ranks within the newly formed Republic, so he saw them often. He was a hero to many, the one who led a squad of underdogs against the large Star Destroyer fleet and won. He had the support of leaders all across the galaxy.

And then there was the support from his two favorite girls.

At two years old, Shara was the light of his life. She was so completely his daughter, from the mess of dark brown curls that sat atop her head to the way she had you completely wrapped around her finger. She was a bubbly little girl who adored the attention of anyone who would give it.

Shara was the light of his life, and you were the love of his life.

Poe knew he was going to marry you the first time you turned him down. You were working in the med bay when he came in with a gash on his leg that needed to be stitched up. After weeks of trying, he eventually got you to say yes to getting a drink with him. You should’ve known that smooth talking Poe was even more charming with alcohol in his system. That one drink turned into a weekly affair, which turned into a relationship. He proposed to you with this mother’s ring three days after the Battle of Exegol.

You knew you were doomed the moment he sat on your table and gave you a lopsided smile. He was a smooth talker, devilishly handsome even with blood and dirt all over him. But you weren’t interested in trying to date during the war, let alone date someone who’s flirty reputation preceded him. You’d never tell him how charming you thought he was as he sat in front of you while you patched him up, or how you would’ve said yes to whatever he asked from you.

Four years and a daughter later, Poe never felt happier.

He found the note in his pocket during a meeting, written by your delicate hands in your familiar handwriting, asking him to snag you some Jogan fruit on his way home. He gladly did it, getting it and leaving it by his jacket so he wouldn’t forget to bring it back with him, though your request was odd to him. You didn’t like Jogan fruit. He knew everything about you and knew that Jogan fruit was not something you liked. Of course he’d get it for you. He’d bend over backwards for you. And for Shara.

Poe loved his job, but he loved being a husband and father more. He’d be crazy not to admit that flying home to you and Shara was the favorite part of his day.

The house was quiet when he walked inside, the only sound of life coming from the hallway. He followed the soft lure of your voice to the nursery, leaning against the doorway when he saw you gently bouncing your baby girl in your arms. Poe stuck his tongue out and wiggled it from the doorway, making Shara giggle.

“What are you giggling at, silly girl?”

Poe tiptoed over to his girls, pressing a loud kiss to Shara’s cheek. You nearly jumped out of your skin at the sudden press of Poe’s hand on your lower back.

“Look who’s here!” You exclaimed quietly, passing your daughter off as she reached her tiny arms towards her father. Poe pressed more kisses to her cheeks, her sweet squeals and giggles filling the silence of the room. She absolutely adored him.

“I’m glad you’re home. Someone didn’t want to go to bed without you.” You poked your daughter’s stomach and she squirmed. Poe gasped dramatically.

“Are you causing trouble for mommy?” He asked Shara, who shook her head no before shyly hiding her face in his shoulder, peeking out at her mother. Quiet laughter came from both of you when you heard her tiny yawn.

“Yeah, I know you’re tired Shar. You’re not fooling anyone.” You pushed her messy curls away from her face, adoring the way her eyelids were fighting to stay open. “I’m going to change now that you’re home.”

“I’ll be in soon.”

“Good night, baby girl.”

You kissed her head before leaning up to kiss the underside of Poe’s jaw. Poe knew he only had a few minutes to be with Shara until she fell asleep, so he grabbed her favorite yellow blanket and settled into the chair in the corner of her room. He wrapped the blanket around his daughter and she snuggled into his chest.

“Don’t tell your mom, but I’m glad you stayed up for me,” Poe spoke quietly, rubbing her back soothingly. “I really needed this.”

He rocked slowly in the chair as told her about his day on Coruscant. It felt good to just get some of his frustrations off his chest, even though she didn’t understand a thing he was saying. The deep timbre of his voice was enough to settle her into slumber. He felt the gentle rise and fall of her breathing against him. As gently as he could, Poe stood up from the chair and set Shara in her bed. She fidgeted from the movement but settled in, her tiny thumb finding its way into her mouth. Poe stood by her bed for a moment, finger gently stroking her cheek as he looked at her in awe. He sometimes still couldn’t believe he created something so perfect.  

“Sleep tight, sweetheart.”

He quietly closed the door and turned towards your shared bedroom, expecting to see light coming from it. He saw it coming from the kitchen instead and he made his way there. You stood at the kitchen counter, scrolling through a datapad. Your hair that was down was thrown up in a careless bun, one of Poe’s t-shirts and a pair of sleep shorts laid delicately over your frame. The box full of Jogan fruit had been found and you were already putting pieces into your mouth. You were a vision, even though you were exhausted from a day of work and a night of caring for your restless toddler. Poe leaned against the counter next to you and you peeked up at him from the datapad.

“I heard you mumbling about Coruscant,” you said. “Bad day?”

“Just stressful,” Poe replied, running a hand through his hair. “I hate the politics that comes with being a general. I don’t know how Leia did it.”

“She pushed to get things done and didn’t take no for an answer. Something that you are very good at it.” You teased. “You’re a different kind of leader than Leia but just as good. You’ll figure out how to deal with the politics in your own way.”

Poe took the datapad from your hand and placed it out of your reach. Pulling you against him, he grinned down at you. “Finn is going to cover for me at those meetings I was telling you about, which means I’ve got the next four days off.”

“Four days, huh?” You pondered, your hands running up his arms to clasp around his neck. “What are Shara and I going to do with having you to ourselves for four whole days?”

“I can think of a few things we can do,” Poe smirked, leaning down to kiss gently along your jaw. You ran your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, your affectionate husband sighing contently as you did. “We’ll take it day by day. Just being home with you two is enough for me.”

Poe kissed from your jaw to your lips. He pulled away and caught you eyeing him, a small smile on your lips and your eyes sparkling.

“What’s with the smile?”

“I just missed you.” You shrugged, the smile growing wider. You detached yourself from his embrace and held up the now empty box. “Thanks for the fruit.”

“Since when do you like Jogan fruit?”

“I’ve eaten it before.”

Poe scoffed, taking the empty box from you and throwing it away. “In all the years I’ve known you, I’ve only seen you eat it once and that was when…”

Poe trailed off, turning to observe you. He looked between the fruit in your hand and you as he remembered the last time you had indulged in Jogan fruit…when you were pregnant with Shara. His eyes widened with realization. “Baby, are you pregnant?”

You bit your lip and nodded. Poe felt his heart beating hard against his chest, the happiness he felt bringing tears to his eyes. He crossed the room and took your face in his hands, kissing you with everything he had. You squeaked in delight when Poe hugged you tight against him, lifting you off the ground.

“When did you find out?”

“Last week. I wanted to be sure before I told you.” Poe placed you back on the ground, his arms still tight around your waist. “So you’re happy?”

“Of course I’m happy, why wouldn’t I be?”

“We haven’t talked about having another kid and Shara’s still so young…”

Poe placed a hand on your cheek, softly caressing the skin under your eye.

“Sometimes things that are unplanned become the greatest things in our lives. I can’t think of anything greater than expanding our family.”

You nearly cried. Poe truly was the best father. Of course, you had no doubt Poe would be a great father when the time came. He was such a dad to his droid already. But from the moment he first held Shara in his arms, you knew he being a dad was something he was always meant to be.

“Poe, that’s beautiful,” you said. “You’re such a sap.”

“Only for you, baby.” Poe sunk to the ground, his hand rubbing over the tiny curve of your belly and kissing it over his shirt. “I already can’t wait to meet you. I’m going to have my own squadron again.”

You groaned. “Our kids are not learning to fly until they’re at least ten.”

“I learned when I was six and look how I turned out!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, best pilot in the Resistance, I know,” you smirked, running a hand through his hair, brushing it back from his face. “I also know they’re going to take after you which means I’m going to be outnumbered by a team of reckless flyboys and/or flygirls and I don’t know if I can handle that.”

“I’ll teach you to fly so you don’t feel left out.” You let out a dry laugh as Poe stood up, leaning against the counter next to you. “How about when they’re seven?”

“We’re negotiating now?” You asked, giving him a look as you crossed your arms in front of your chest. Poe nodded. “Fine. Eight.”

Poe considered your offer, his jaw moving back and forth as he studied you. “Eight.”

“Deal.”

You pecked Poe’s lips to seal your deal, a tired yawn escaping when you pulled away. Poe chuckled and rubbed your arm. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Poe?” Poe was halfway out of the kitchen when you called his name. He looked back at you, expecting to see something wrong but instead seeing a warm smile on your face. You placed a hand on your stomach. “I can’t wait.”

Poe walked back over to you, wrapping you up in his arms and kissed you, all the love he had for you being poured into it. His tongue met yours and he kissed you deeply, slowly, like you had all the time in the world. His hands slipped under the shirt you wore, your warm soft skin a contrast to his rough hands. You pulled away to take a breath and he pecked your lips for good measure. “I can’t wait either.”

“Four credits says it’s a girl.”

Poe laughed, grabbing your hand and turning off the kitchen light.

“You’re on.”

[miss-tc-nova]

Missed You - Young Xehanort x Fem!Reader

Last of the All Flustered series. 

ALRIGHT ANON! I’M NOT POSTING OUR CONVERSATION BUT HERE YOU GO! I DID IT! I CRIED BUT I FREAKING DID IT!

P.S. Thank you for your requests. This was so much fun to write. 

Music Inspiration: Dear God by Avenged Sevenfold

~~~~~

               Sparks spray across my face as the metal collides. I push my attack through and charge again but he vanishes. I barely have a chance to get away before the blade comes swinging in from my right. I swipe in retaliation, barely grazing his black coat. He slams his weapon into the guard of mine, forcing it from my grasp. Raising a hand, I just have time to cast that Thundara spell that saves me from his next attack. His body sparks with the paralysis and this is my chance. My keyblade flashes back into my hand, drawn.

               The flash of a true smile flickers and I hesitate. That’s my mistake. I catch the gleam of gold before he swings his weapon, slamming into my jaw and sending me rolling backwards. My head is spinning and my chest is heaving with my heart running on overtime. Fighting through it all, I stagger back to my feet, the blood pattering to the dirt.

               “Are you done yet?” he asks, voice full of disdain.

               I reset my stance, trying to keep my insides from spilling out; I can’t collapse here and I can’t let my heart get in the way of my obligation. “Not even close.”

               “Walk away. You don’t need to get involved in this.”

               “You’re trying to summon Kingdom Hearts!” I shout. “It’s our job to keep the balance of the worlds and you’re trying to destroy that! How can I not get involved?!”

               “Just walk away,” he orders again.

               “YOU KNOW DAMN WELL I CAN’T DO THAT!” I scream back. “You brought us to this! If anyone needs to walk away, it’s you!”

               Frustration crosses his expression. “You don’t understand.”

               “Maybe I would if you just told me! But you shut me out and started looking for ways to destroy all the worlds! So how do you think that looks to me?!” He glances away and I let my guard down. “Xehanort, please. Talk to me.” A couple tears roll down my face. “I miss you. I don’t want to fight. I just…I just want the person I love back.”

               His grip on his keyblade tightens and his lip curls back in pain. My heart sinks when he raises the blade. “This is your last warning: walk away.”

               I’m shocked and furious, but beyond all that, I’m heartbroken. It all swells into a storm inside. I want to run away. It’s not fair that I lost not just my friends but also him; and now I have to fight him too. I want to take his warning and leave, but I can’t. Worlds are depending on me to stop him. I hate myself but I prepare to take him on.

               Having taken a serious blow to the head, I’m actually holding out pretty well. I can keep up with him well enough but if I don’t finish this soon, he’ll win by simply outlasting me.

               I see him preparing an attack I’ve faced off against before. It’s one of his stronger moves and I helped him master it. There’s no dodging it once the first hit lands, but with some timing, I can escape with minimal damage and a chance to end this.

               The first strike collides with my keyblade. I’m pushing myself pretty hard to keep up but I make it through to the very last one. One perfectly timed parry and he’ll go down. Everything seems to slow down; Xehanort is coming for me and my body sets into motion the checkmate.

               My mind suddenly flies away to a distant, much brighter place. Silver eyes sparkle as they gaze at me, complimenting the happiest smile while his laugh echoes in my ears.

               That all comes to a jarring end when a violent force pierces my chest. Xehanort’s golden eyes stare wide, surprised just as much as I am. My keyblade clatters to the ground as my hands begin to tremble. There’s a light gathering where his weapon struck me—this is the end. Before it can consume me, I catch sight of the water dripping from my enemy’s face.

~~~~~

               My eyes flutter open, blinded by the sunlight streaming through the window. There’s a burn in my eyes as if I hadn’t slept at all and when I try to apply pressure to ease it, I feel the tears.

               I guess even the dead weep over the past.

               Pushing it all away, I get dressed and amble up to the highest point in the castle. The wind flutters past, bringing along with it the salty air. The sun shines down upon the white buildings, making this place all the brighter. It’s peaceful and calm and everything I remembered. But this is not my home. Or rather, this is not the place I was born I should say, because I will never leave this place again. I don’t exactly mind. My mortal life had been full of darkness and heartbreak and tragedies; only the memories of my beginning, of my life before we were thrown to the mercy of our obligations, held light for me. My friends had been torn away from me a short time before I was left behind. It only got worse from there. The pain of the memory still rattles my heart, but there are still reasons to be happy. My friends are here, I’m home in a happier time. There are only a couple things missing.

               “Figures you’d be here.”

               Pulling my gaze from the city below, I find my friends stepping onto the rooftop of the castle to join me.

               I smile, leaning against the wall to greet them. “Of course. It’s got the best view of the city.”

               Bragi rests his elbow on the wall, eyes scanning the quiet place below. “Yeah. Sometimes it’s crazy to think we ever wanted anything other than this.”

               I used to pity the four of them; they only got a taste of what was beyond the boundaries of this world. Of course, they reassured me that they’re happy and I hate myself for thinking they escaped at a better time.

               “There’s an obvious reason this is where we all ended up,” Urd hums, joining us. We glance to her and she returns a smile. “This is where we were happiest.”

               I reply happily, “I’m glad you guys agree. I’ve never been happier than with you.” The glances among themselves don’t go unnoticed.

               “Come on,” Hermod announces, butting in. “Let’s go check out the festival.”

               Today is the day of the Founding Festival. Even among the dead, it’s a holiday here—this is where the lanterns came. When I first arrived, lanterns came up yearly from a few keyblade wielders upholding tradition. As the newer ‘ancestors’ to arrive, we took on responsibility of the lanterns and we did what we could to guide them. But then they just stopped. Years passed without the lanterns coming to us and I just assumed the tradition died. Still, we celebrate it every year.

               I always feel a bit bitter about the festival; I do my best not to let it show. I have my friends after all and they always make things better. There are still sad memories that keep bubbling to the surface though and sometimes I have to excuse myself for a bit.

               Our fun ends as night falls. Nobody is expecting any lanterns but the five of us trail along the water’s edge anyway for the sake of tradition.

               “We should totally convince them to do fireworks or something next year,” Bragi says, leading us along.

               Hermod agrees, “That could be fun, so long as they don’t leave you in charge of them.”

               “What’s that supposed to mean?”

               “It means you blew up Master Odin’s spell book that one time, remember?”

               All of us, even Bragi, laugh at the memory. Urd manages to get out, “Oh I remember that. The Master was not pleased trying to find a replacement for that.”

               “And then Bragi tried to pay off Eraqus and Xehanort to sneak him out of detention,” Hermod chuckles. That’s a bit of a strike on me today. I still laugh though, surely noticing Vor, Bragi, and Urd glance at me subtly.

               “Hey look!” Vor points out to the water where a handful of lights can be seen rising to the surface.

               A surprised smile comes up and I race to the docks. “No way!”

               We all kneel beside the water, watching the glow get closer and closer until finally, a lantern breaks the surface.

               Hermod reaches out to pull a one in. He closes his eyes to understand the hope that brought the lantern to us. “His name’s Lea. He wants to keep his friends close, to never be separated from them again, and is asking for guidance in search of someone he’d almost forgotten.”

               Urd picks up another. “Riku is desperately looking for his friend but doesn’t want to forget the ones with him now.”

               “These people are all new,” Bragi says, looking over another.

               “Not this one,” Vor announces. “This is Aqua. She was one of Eraqus’s students. One of her wishes is that he’s happy.”

               I remember the trio that Eraqus taught. They were the ones sending lanterns before they stopped coming. I always wondered what happened to them.

               “I got Ven here,” Hermod announces.

               Scooping up another, I recognize the name. “Hey, here’s the third one: Terra.” I get a vision of the young man’s face, standing on a beach from where he sent the lantern. “He wants forgiveness and to be able to overcome his darkness. He’s also hoping Master Eraqus is happy and…” There’s a vision of an older Eraqus with another man. There’s a grip in my chest. “And that Master Xehanort finds peace…”

               “Hey guys.”

               Everyone whirls around. The first we see is the boy in white with a big grin as he waves. Behind him is the boy in black, looking far more uncomfortable than his best friend.

               Our friends break out in excitement and rush them, leaving me to stand alone among the hovering dreams. Of course I missed them, they were what was missing in my perfect world, but after what happened, I don’t know if I can bring myself to face Xehanort.

               A pair of boots stops in front of me. “Are you okay?” I look up at my friend. Eraqus smiles softly, lifting his arms to ask for a hug. Tears begin to drip from my face as I hug the only person who’d been able to console me in my final years.

               “I’m sorry,” I breathe, fists clutching at his haori. “I shouldn’t have left without telling you. I shouldn’t have gone at all. I just wanted him back.”

               “It’s okay,” he soothes, holding me tightly. “You were the only one of us brave enough to try.” He tilts my face towards his, making me see that he’s not upset. “Besides, it’s all over now. We’re all together again.” Releasing me, Eraqus takes my hand. “Now come on. There are some things that need to be said.”

               I don’t really have it in me to resist Eraqus but I really wish he didn’t pull me back towards the boy who arrived with him. With everyone staring, he gives me a final push towards Xehanort who looks almost as awkward as I feel. I let my head fall forward, watching the droplets stain the stone beneath my feet.

               My whole life, I could handle adversity. I struggled to become a keyblade wielder, to pull my weight and be the support my classmates needed, to persevere through the tragedy, to make my last stand against my beloved. Facing difficult times has never been a foreign concept to me, but here, in front of my murderer, the person I still loved, I’m falling to pieces.

               “No, don’t cry.” Warm hands I could never forget cup my face, forcing me to look up. The silver eyes I’d fallen in love with, that always made me think of promises and hope, fill with tears to match mine. In a broken whisper he begs me, “Please don’t cry. I’m sorry.” As if I might suddenly disappear, he clings to me, quivering. “I’m a miserable, terrible person and everything I did was wrong. And I’m so sorry but please don’t cry.”

               I can barely squeak past his jacket. “You left.”

               “I know. I thought I was doing the right thing but I should’ve listened to you. I thought I could fix everything.” He’s as much of a mess as I am right now. “I thought we could all be together again but I just made everything worse. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I can’t help that my hands clutch at the back of his haori while I continue to sob. “And you have every right to be mad at me. I won’t blame you if you never forgive me just please, don’t cry. I can’t take it when you cry.”

               I want to scream and hit him and to keep crying. I suffered so much because of what he did. He left me in agony not long after we lost our friends and then forced me to fight him. He’s right: I deserve to be angry. I’m not though. The strongest feeling in my chest, overcoming the pain and remorse, is relief.

               Somehow, I manage to pull my words together. “You’re not allowed to leave ever again,” I say through sniffles and hiccups.

               His grip tightens. “Of course.”

               Pulling my face from his soaked jacket, I peer up at him. He means it, every word of it. Xehanort was always good at deceiving and hiding things from people; however, I would catch glimpses of his honesty and this is one of those times—he regrets everything. Like Eraqus said, it’s all over now.

               I stretch up on my toes, connecting our lips. It’s a short, soft kiss but all the mercy I want to convey goes into it. He feels insecure, unsure of my action and, when it’s over, he watches me with confusion on his weary face.

               “I missed you.”

               He looks like he’s about to breakdown worse than I did; mouth quivering and fresh tears breaking through. Dragging an arm across his face, he manages to hold himself together. “I missed you too.”

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Dawn in your Eyes Part 18

Summary: Alfie has little to no idea why Caroline ever gave him the time of day. The blind woman seemed far too sensible to even speak to him. But soon he finds himself falling helplessly in love.

Part 18: Alfie hates being vulnerable especially in front of Tommy Shelby

            On Alfie’s first day back to work, he tried to keep his stress level down to a minimum. He didn’t need more of a headache than he already had.

            Some men who were more comfortable with their boss offered their well wishes. Saying how glad they were to hear he had recovered from the gunshot. Others didn’t say anything about the injury and made sure not to stare.

            Disgruntled and feeling very uncomfortable in his own domain, Alfie was in a foul mood. Or rather nothing felt right.

            Because when Ollie came knocking saying that Tommy was there, Alfie didn’t get more upset. In fact, he got a bit relieved. Perhaps because the man had been there when Alfie was shot. He’d protected his wife, helped cover her hair when she asked, delivered her to Julia, and waited at the hospital.

            “Morning, Alfie.” Tommy greeted him as if it were any ordinary day. He figured that would be the best approach.

            “Yeah, s’pose it is. When you’ve got people doing double-takes as you walk down the street.” Alfie attempted to sound lighthearted but he sounded a bit wounded.

            Tommy took a seat. “Still in pain?” He didn’t care what people did in the streets. In fact, he’d bet that people always stared at men like them.

            “Well, it ain’t a walk in the park but I’m still breathing, right?” Alfie reached for a pen to fiddle with.

            Tommy couldn’t help but notice the man completely misjudged where the pen was, falling short before trying to reach further to grab it. He didn’t call attention to it though. “I can imagine the migraines are difficult. Must’ve been a lot of trauma.”

            “Everything’s manageable, Tommy.”

            “Right.” The Brummie nodded, realizing Alfie wasn’t in the market for any sympathy. He didn’t seem like the type to accept it.

            “Thing is, mate, I’ve got two wops chained up in me basement right now.” He pointed to the ground. “They’re bleeding out, should be dead soon ‘nough thought I’d give them time to think ‘bout what they’ve done. Ain’t nothing I haven’t dealt with before. Once they’re dead, they’re dumped on Farringdon.”

            “So, why’ve you called me ‘round?”

            “S’all, the same thing, innit? Same message that we all understand. Yet, for some reason me wife was still kidnapped despite what I’ve demonstrated, I could do to them.”

            Tommy raised an eyebrow. After all the time he’d known Alfie, he could still hardly follow the man’s train of thought. He always had the potential to go to a million different directions with his little speeches. “Get to the fucking point, Alfie.”

            “The point is, I need to send a stronger message. Unthinkable happened, yeah, and those fucking lowlifes need to understand. Unthinkable happens, they receive an unthinkable punishment.”

            “And what would you have me do? I helped you find her, made sure you didn’t die, and now you’re asking more from me?” Tommy wasn’t going to let him get familiar with the feeling of comradery. They weren’t allies. He would pick and choose when he wanted to help Alfie and any agreements were signed in ink. Nothing verbal. He couldn’t trust the man if his signature wasn’t on paper.

            “Ain’t a favor to me, mate, it’s an opportunity for you.”

            Tommy scoffed and rolled his eyes, completely unconvinced. Alfie wouldn’t give him an opportunity without something in return. “A favor? From you? Really?”

            Alfie laced his fingers together and rested them on his desk. “I help you run Sabini’s men off the tracks. Enough of them that he takes notice and it hits him hard in the wallet. And when he does notice, you tell him that these are the consequences. Italians end up dead and he don’t make money from the races.”

            It was tempting although Tommy wasn’t sure it was a good strategy. The best thing he could do was take the thanks for finding Caroline and go about their separate businesses. The more intertwined they got with favors and agreements; the messier things became. Still, Tommy considered the benefits. Sabini couldn’t handle both the Jews and the Blinders. They were too powerful together. So much so, in fact, that it wouldn’t be much of a fair fight.

            “For how long?” Tommy asked.

            “For as long as you want, mate.” He shrugged. “You want more control over the tracks, I want to send a message. Seems to work out for the both of us, don’t it?”

            “I’ll think about it.”

            Alfie raised an eyebrow but nodded. “Better than a no.” He ceded and reached for his cane leaning on the desk so he could stand up. But he didn’t even end up close to where the cane was and ended up with a handful of papers instead. “Fuck.” He muttered under his breath and tried again but knocked the cane over the second time around.

            Tommy bent forward to pick it up and hand it to him. He noticed Alfie wouldn’t meet his eye and acted like it was just a mistake. “When I was recovering from surgery, not so long ago,” He cleared his throat, “I couldn’t even move. I’d been hit in the head so fucking hard, so many times that they really did a number on me. Was in that fucking bed for weeks. Couldn’t speak, couldn’t sit up. They had to teach me to walk again.”

            “Why’re you telling me this, Tom?” Alfie asked, a bit suspicious of the man’s point.

            “We were in the war; we were taught not to show weakness. If we were shot, we carried on. You and I, we don’t appreciate being disabled by anything. But that’s just the way things are, sometimes.” Tommy spoke in a gentler tone than he usually took with Alfie.

            He sighed and shook his head. “Yeah, whatever.” It was difficult to admit that Tommy was right. In fact, it was hard to admit that there were things beyond his control. Just the way things were? Utter nonsense in his opinion.

            Tommy withdrew from the conversation. He wasn’t in the mood to get Alfie all worked up over nothing. “Well, I hope Caroline’s well.” He stood up and gathered his cap. “I’ll think about your proposition.” He added.

            “Good, good.” It was almost strange to be concluding their meeting so civilly. No death threats were slung about, no haggling of percentages, just two men conducting civil business. Maybe the bullet had done more damage than Alfie thought.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            July was ending and Caroline was very optimistic. Alfie was healing very nicely. Although his sight hadn’t recovered in his left eye, his headaches were getting gradually better. The skin around his eye was lined with scars, divots in his cheek that she could feel when she touched his face. But it was a big improvement from when he was in the hospital so doped up on drugs, he couldn’t stay awake.

            She was in the late stages of her pregnancy. Julia predicted the baby would be born in the last weeks of August. And according to Hanna, Camden’s most reputable midwife, everything would go smoothly.

            That’s all Caroline could hope for. A manageable labor and a healthy baby. She wanted to just focus on the things that were the most important. Alfie’s recovery and their child. But familiar fears were starting to creep in, especially once the pregnancy really started to show.

            Julia was appalled by the subtle rumors she heard about her niece. They were told to her by concerned neighbors. Outrageous lies that made her blood boil like how the baby would be born blind too, the baby wouldn’t make it to term or would be stillborn, Caroline had intentionally gotten pregnant to keep Alfie in the marriage, or that she wasn’t even pregnant at all.

            It was maddening to Julia, but she could only angrily dispel the rumors and try to keep her niece none the wiser about what was said. Caroline didn’t need any added stress. But there was nothing she could do if she wasn’t around to shield Caroline.

                       One morning, with the sweltering hot summer sun on her face, Caroline headed down to the shop. Pilot led her through the streets but paused whenever someone stopped to talk to them.

            “Goodness, Caroline, look at you glow!” Golde, one of their elderly neighbors crowed happily.

            “Are you sure it isn’t sweat? This heat is unbearable.” Caroline smiled sheepishly and cradled her stomach.

            “Nonsense, you look beautiful. Mazel tov and give my love to Alfie.”

            “Yoo-hoo, Caroline!” Another neighbor, Lea, called her over. “Just in time, I’ve finished knitting that blanket I promised I’d make you.”

            “Oh goodness, so quickly?” Caroline let Pilot guide her safely across the street. “You must’ve been knitting up a storm all month.”

            Lea giggled. “It’s just inside, I’ll run and grab it.” She hurried into her flat to retrieve the gift.

            Caroline waited by the stoop, her back turned to the street with Pilot at her feet. Only a couple of moments later, she picked up on a conversation passing by her.

            “It’s like having a fish on the line, Julia isn’t going to allow Alfie to leave Caroline. What an embarrassment that would be to the family.”

            Upon hearing her name, she instantly tensed up. And it didn’t help that it sounded like the same two women who had been talking about her after Seder.

            “Do you even think she’s pregnant?” The other asked.

            “I should hope not. What sort of child could she produce?”

            Caroline was fed up. She would not run away crying this time. She would not retreat to a safe place to pick up the pieces of her dignity. No. Because with each day she carried her child, she became less and less doubtful of herself as a mother. If she was not meant to be a mother, if God hadn’t chosen her to carry this child, then the pregnancy never would’ve happened. She trusted in Julia’s assurances that this was in God’s plan for her and Alfie.

            So, she turned around. “If you have something to say about me and my husband you should say it to my face.” She snapped.

            There was an obvious sound of footsteps stuttering as the two women screeched to a halt. “Mrs. Solomons…” One of them uttered, a hint of dread in her voice.

            “Otherwise, keep my husband’s name out of your conversations. He is of no interest to you.” Her grip on Pilot’s lead tightened in anger.

            “We didn’t-”

            “Soon enough you can talk about how perfect my child is. Apparently, you enjoy being jealous.” And with that, Caroline turned away from the women who looked absolutely gobsmacked.

            “Here it is then.” Lea came out of the flat. She glanced toward the two women who were scurrying away, trying to escape the situation. “Everything alright?” She noticed the frown on Caroline’s face.

            “Of course, it’s just so hot out.” She replied, softening her features.

            “It really is.” Lea folded up the blanket and guided Caroline’s hand to feel it. “Softest yarn I could find. A beautiful cream color and it should be easy to wash.”

            “Oh, Lea, thank you so much. This is such a lovely gift.” Caroline ran her fingertips over the soft fibers of the knitted blanket.

            “It’s the least I could do.” Her neighbor tucked the blanket into Caroline’s basket. “Mazel tov.”

            She beamed and almost wanted to congratulate herself for standing up to the women who had torn her down before. “I’ll see you soon, Lea. Thank you, again.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~

            It was long past dinner by the time Alfie returned home. He trudged into the kitchen where their maid was cleaning out the icebox.

            “Sorry to keep ya waiting, Candace.” He waved an apologetic hand her way as he slumped down into a chair to unlace his boots. Cyril and Apollo crowded around him, scratching at his legs to greet him.

            “No worries, Mr. Solomons.” Candace was a young woman who had recently moved from Ireland to London. She applied to the position that Alfie had placed in the paper. Someone needed to tend after the house, to help out Caroline when she needed, and someone who could look after the baby should they need assistance. It was an extreme vetting process, but Alfie didn’t care. He wanted to make sure the person in his household for hours on end, alone with his wife and child had a squeaky-clean record.

            Candace passed the test and was hired months earlier to get settled before the baby arrived. She proved to be a nice girl with all the best intentions. She spoke respectfully and did her job well. It may have been that Alfie was paying her top dollar for the position, but Caroline seemed to think she was a genuine person. The two got along well and often times, when Alfie came home, he could find them chattering away with each other.

            “Carrie’s upstairs?” He asked, nudging the dogs to the side so he could remove his boots.

            “In the nursery.” She confirmed.

            “Good, have a good night then.” He dismissed her as he was about to leave the kitchen.

            “You too, sir.” Candance shut the icebox and reached around her waist to remove her apron. But she paused. “Erm, Mr. Solomons?”

            “Hm?” He stopped in the doorway.

            “Well, I didn’t want to alarm Mrs. Solomons, but there have been men coming down the street. I haven’t quite gotten a good look at any of them, but I believe it’s the same group of people. They’ve been leaving flyers on the doorstep. Not just here but all up and down the street. I haven’t kept any because…well, they were just so awful and I thought they might stop soon.”

            Alfie’s jaw tensed. “What do they say?” He asked.

            Candace averted her eyes and chewed on her lip. “They’re lies about Jews. Just awful, awful things. And I didn’t want to worry you or Mrs. Solomons because of the baby coming soon. But I’m afraid what will happen if they keep coming by. I want to make sure Mrs. Solomons is kept safe.” Her voice went up an octave in panic.

            Alfie sighed. “Alright, alright, s’okay. You ‘n Caroline aren’t in any danger if you stay in the house. But if they come ‘round again, you call me, yeah? Call the bakery and let me know. If they leave something else, you keep it so I can look over it.”

            She nodded. “Okay, I will.”

            He noticed how shaken she was. “Right, can I call Ishmael to drive you home?” He offered.

            “Oh, no. I’ll be alright.” She went to gather her coat and purse.

            “Stay here.” Alfie knew she was just trying to be polite. “Let me ring him and he’ll be ‘round soon.”

            Candace nodded meekly. It was a welcome gesture of security, so she went to wait by the stairs.

~~~~~~~~~

            Alfie went up to ring his driver before going to find Caroline. She was in the nursery with Pilot, idly straightening and moving things around. A clear indication that she just couldn’t wait for their son or daughter.

            In fact, she often spent time in the room, just to sit or touch the items they’d bought in preparation. Soft swaddles, a cot, and plush toys. There were a few storybooks lined up on a shelf. Some were in braille so Caroline could read to the baby too.

            As Alfie walked in, he saw her neatly folding a cream knitted blanket over the side of the cot. “That’s new, innit?” He sometimes lost track of all the things they’d bought.

            “Lea gave it to me today. She said she just finished making it.” Caroline smiled and smoothed her hands over the blanket.

            “Well, that is very nice, very nice.” He walked over to see the gift. “I’ll have to send her my thanks.”

            Caroline touched his shoulder. “I’m very excited.” She murmured.

            “I am too. Can't wait." That was what they needed to look forward to. Not gossiping neighbors. Not fascists looking to start trouble. 

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Masterlist

[docholligay]

Creative ask day- Haruku, “what did their high school love letters look like?”

We’re going to take a very BROAD take on “high school” here and go full anime “Between the ages of 12 and 21″ because I think it will be more amusing and allow for a world outside of Michiru, even though I think their love letters are fantastic indeed. 

When everyone looks at Haruka, they think it would be “Natural” that she would be gay. The short hair, the mens’ clothes (Haruka would argue they’re women’s clothes, because they’re HERS, and she’s a woman, but), the certain swagger in her walk and the lilt of her voice. Haruka’s glad it was so obvious to everyone else, but someone forgot to tell her, as a small thing. 

It wasn’t that she experienced an overwhelming amount of attraction to men, not really. But she wouldn’t have said what she felt for women was desire, either. Later in life, she would blush, and say she had been a bit of a late bloomer, in an open and gentle way that would take her years to get to. 

She wanted to be loved. That was that. And if a boy that she went skateboarding with thought she was cute, and wanted to hold her hand, and wanted to hug her, and be with her, well then, that was good enough. It was easy, in those early days, to mistake all types of love as being the same, in one way or another. 

Her love letters back then were simply what she thought they should be, picked out of the little teen romance novels, manga, anime, movies…wherever she could find how one should act in love. 

It hard for me to say, unless I’m dreaming. My mind is about to break down, because I want you with me right now, and the moonlight is so beautiful it almost has me crying. But I know, my heart is true, and so the moonlight will guide me to you, over and over again…

She doesn’t believe anything she’s saying, really, having stolen half of it from songs on the radio, but she knows that this is how you act in love, and if she doesn’t feel it, it must be some defect in her. Haruka loves the feeling of being held, of being told she’s wanted and loved, and so what she feels must be a true love, and she only needs to stay the course. 

It goes on far too long and far too intimately, in ways she’ll laugh about with friends later. 

She discovers something about herself, when she is fifteen or so, and the world changes in an instant. Those letters no longer need any guide but her heart, swelling with emotion and drama. She can smell the cherry blossoms as they fall around her, whirling in a tornado of pink and she leas forward to kiss…But they are all written in her little tiny closet, both real and imagined, her cheeks glowing hot red as she imagines the shame of giving this to Hanae, the girl with the soft waves of hair that tumble down her back. 

Plenty of girls have little school “romances” she knows this is not what she feels. She goes too far, doesn’t she? Her short hair and masculine stride isn’t an act she can put on and off like a Zuka stage. 

But still, she writes. She writes or heart will burst of it, and she hates herself as hot tears go down her cheeks, knowing Hanae will never read the things she longs to say. 

When I look at your hair, I think of the noodles hanging out in the light, tumbling over each other. No one ever talks about how pretty that is, how it’s handmade and a work of art. That’s what your hair looks like to me, a handmade work of art. I love the way you whirl them around pins and bows. Last week you wore a crystal pin, and it shone like a bright star in the waves of it. 

Everything she says is stupid. Hair like ramen noodles? She grits her teeth and crumples int in her hand. 

She does not write love letters to Michiru, when they meet. She does not even write love letters about Michiru. It feels almost profane, to imagine that MIchiru could ever feel that way, about her, about anyone. Even handsome and rich men, she imagines, could not possibly dare to explain how beautiful she is. She’s beautiful in the way people must see angels or gods, where it fills you with fear. 

Her first love letter to Michiru is only after Michiru expressed a desire for one. Their first Valentine’s Day, a small note attached to the flowers she gave her. 

Michiru, I’m not very smart, and I’m not good at this, but I need you to know you’re the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I can’t believe you care about me. 

MIchiru notes that she does not say love. She knows Haruka struggles to apply that word to herself. Michiru will try to teach her that it is true. 

The longer they are together, the more Haruka relaxes into herself, into her love, the more she allows herself to feel that Michiru loves in all her silliness and drama, loves her earnestness and blush, loves all the small things that make Haruka herself, and make her unique. 

Her letters become bold and loving, big dark strokes written over the page. 

Michiru, when I’m with you, I feel the rose petals whirling around us even in winter, because it’s always warm where ever you are, for me. I never had a home to go to, until it was you. We’ve been to so many art museums and I’d still rather look at nothing else. When you laugh, it’s like I’m hearing anyone laugh, for the first time ever. Like you invented laughing. I’m safe with you. You’re the sea but also a harbor. 

There are stickers and glitter and pressed flowers and shimmering inks and all the little indulgences that Haruka could never allow a younger version of herself monetarily or emotionally. She grins when she leaves them for Michiru, and there’s nothing Michiru loves so much as catching her in the act of being boldly and happily and honestly in love, without fear. 

[aliceslantern]

Until We Meet Again, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 3

The last thing Ienzo expects is to fall in love during the war. Unfortunately, impulses are much harder to fight when one is human. But then Demyx disappears under mysterious circumstances... and leaves Ienzo in a wholly unexpected and indelicate situation. But how to deal with such a thing when he can barely deal with being human?

Chapter summary:  The truth comes out, and Ienzo makes a decision.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

The weeks passed too slowly and too quickly in a breath. Ienzo felt himself getting heavier, his stomach becoming more visible in the rare moments he let the illusion fall. With each day that passed, the dread increased, and every time he saw someone else’s face he thought about how he should sit them down, tell them what was going to happen. Easy to get swept up in the petty drama of day-to-day life, of the heightened stakes of the sleeping girl in the lab and how he might help Sora. Even so, he tried to eat well, to get enough sleep. He found it hard to connect himself with the baby, even though he could quite literally feel them inside of him. My child , he thought. Mine. No, couldn’t be. Before this he couldn’t reliably take care of himself. He couldn’t do this.

He wondered what the situation would be like if Demyx were here.

Their liaison had only lasted a few days, it was true, but that time had changed everything. The rarity of being able to be around someone who he could let see him had been intoxicating. Demyx was so much… more than he’d ever thought. If he weren’t alone… he thought he might’ve been able to bear up against this.

On his own one week in the seventh month of this pregnancy, he walked past the orphanage, wondered if it would be worth going inside. He could see some children playing in the street, on the lawn, looking tired, a bit dirty. He wished he could help them, but with the collapse of the monarchy went all power he could ever exert, and all of the resources. He should talk to Ansem about this, the restoration committee, see what could be done--

The weeks passed much, much too quickly--Ienzo lied to Aerith, said he had talked to one of his “friends”, that he knew what he wanted to do. It was just one more thing to add to his layers and layers of guilt. He would try to go to her, when he labored. He set aside a bag of some sort, with medical supplies, clean towels if that was not feasible. Prepared a quiet room for himself if need be. Adoption was the only logical choice. He would have to do his best to improve the situation externally. He hoped the child would someday understand--he simply wasn’t good enough for them.

One morning about eight and a half months into this whole endeavor, he woke with a sharp cramp, one that made him gasp for breath, but it passed quickly. He hoped it was just practice, but sporadically through the day he felt them coming, slowly, in waves. The pain felt like a strange kind of repentance. I deserve this , he thought, with every little pang. I deserve this. To not even have the nerve to talk to anybody about this--but yet he did not want to be a burden, did not want to let them all down--

“You haven’t been yourself lately,” Even remarked that afternoon. Ienzo was feeling breathless, the baby compressing his lungs, and he was trying not to audibly pant. According to his readings, this was all normal. Someone at his phase in pregnancy should probably not be working hours as long--especially in early labor--but he didn’t know what else to do with himself other than drown in guilt and fear and self-loathing.

The contractions were getting closer together; he checked his watch. He really should get to that safe space before it all began in earnest, before he began to labor actively. “I’ve been tired,” he said flatly. “And I’ve had a lot on my mind.” The illusion was getting harder to maintain as the pain worsened, and he hoped it would not flicker.

“Like what?”

Ienzo cocked his head. “Since when do you care?”

Even seemed taken aback by this. He stammered a little. “I know much of this… hasn’t been easy, and we’ve so… little time to parse the past--I wish to…” He exhaled. “I wish to move forward, to make up for mistakes, but we…” A pause. “I’ve so much to make up to you, Ienzo.”

He felt his heart flutter. “Even, I do not wish to go into it now.”

Even took a breath. “I understand if… you do not wish to make true amends. If it were me--”

A sudden searing agony shot through him, sharper and harder than the previous contractions, and he stifled a cry, feeling the shimmer as the illusion began to break down in earnest. He felt something wet between his legs, wet and trickling, and he had to grip the counter, his other hand shooting to his stomach almost instinctively. He didn’t recover quickly enough to pass it off--when he tried to form another illusion, another pang startled him.

“Ienzo?” Then, seeing the puddle of amniotic fluid under him, the small but still obvious swell under his lab coat, “ Ienzo ?”

“No--this isn’t--” The pain peaked, and he struggled to maintain balance. “You weren’t supposed to--”

He felt Even reach forward to prod at the bump, as though checking this weren’t some kind of prank. “You’re truly--you’re really--” Ienzo had never seen him that pale. “How long have you known --”

The pain eased, and Ienzo was able to regain some breath. “A few… a few months…”

“Months? Months ?” He sputtered. “Child, why didn’t you-- say something?” A flush rose in his cheeks. “How close together are the contractions?”

“What?” He was dizzy.

“The contractions. How close together are they? How long has this been happening?”

“Since… since early this morning… about twelve hours or so?” He felt weak. “You’re not… angry?”

“I’m angry that you jeopardized your health so. If you’ve been in labor for twelve hours --you truly--why didn’t you tell me, Ienzo?” More exasperated than anything. “I could’ve helped you handle this situation--was I supposed to wait until the child was falling down your pant leg?”

“Like you handled Ansem, you mean?” Ienzo spat, before another contraction gripped him.

There was just stunned silence. “We should get you down to the med bay,” he said quietly. “You’re clearly starting to transition.”

Ienzo felt tears in his eyes. He let Even guide him down those long, long hallways, pausing now and again as the contractions burned through him. He helped him out of his clothes, into a robe, onto the clean bed that was used more often to treat the injuries sustained during the castle’s renovations. Even gave him an injection that helped him bear up against the pain. This settled, he was faced with the reality of his situation coming out.

And he felt… relieved. He hadn’t expected the pain to be so all-consuming, to make him so… unable to function.

“When did you even have time to… do that ?” Even asked. “And with whom? Who put you in this situation? I assume you haven’t told them either.”

“It’s not for lack of trying with him.” He swallowed. “I was… I tried to be careful , Even, I used--”

“I don’t need to know the sordid details. I believe you.”

More tears pricked in his eyes. “I didn’t have many symptoms. It took far too long for me to put it together… and by then… it was too late to… do what I would’ve wanted originally. This human body feels so alien…” The contractions were more of a dull, ominous rumbling now, but he still had to wait until it was over to speak. “This child… Even, I can’t… I can’t raise them.”

“What do you want, Ienzo?”

Ienzo considered. He thought about the way the child had felt when it moved in him. There was a disconnect… but not a hatred. Of wanting to do better, be better enough to love them. Perhaps if he did not hate himself so much he would consider… “It would be different if… its father were here, I think…”

“Yes… and who is that? I should send Aeleus or Dilan to have a word --”

He took a deep breath. But he might as well confess totally--Even wouldn’t hurt him when he was vulnerable like this. "Demyx."

Yet more shocked silence. "But I--but-- why , Ienzo, even if you are not used to hormones--"

"I had felt… a pull towards him before," he admitted. "One I denied and denied… and when we met again, my heart was pulled into so many places that I… just got tired of fighting. But there's been radio silence. I don't even know if he's okay."

Even scowled. "Like he didn't drop you the moment it wasn't convenient for him."

"I don't think it was that. Truly. There was something in his eyes…" Then, it suddenly and stupidly occurring to him-- "Even, when Xehanort died you lost that bit of his heart. What if that happened to Demyx, and that's why--"

He sighed. "It took days though, Ienzo, before I truly lost my dark powers. And we know Lea can still use them. It's possible that he couldn't get to you. But not probable."

Another contraction hit him, so hard and harsh despite painkillers he cried out.

"Let me check you again," Even said. "You might be… almost there."

"I can't do this," he moaned, feeling like he might just break--not from the pain, but the guilt and loathing and fear about this child. They deserved so much better.

"You can. You have to, Ienzo. We'll get through this together."

"I can't trust you, Even." The tears were hot on his face. "You--you lied all those years--"

He pulled on gloves. "I know. I will spend the rest of my life regretting that moment. You're at ten centimeters, Ienzo. If you feel like you need to push, you can."

He felt the strangest pressure in his abdomen, like Even said, a need. He examined this instinct for a moment.  "Why'd you do it?"

"Because it was lie to you or fight Xehanort and become one of his subjects as well and I was not going to have him make you into one of his tools."

Ienzo laughed. "He did that anyway." A pain pummelled him.

"Go on, Ienzo. You'll get through this."

He pushed. It was absolutely shattering, and he felt weak, trembling all over. They're coming, he thought dazedly.

"Good, Ienzo, keep at it. Just keep going."

A minute or so later, he rode the next contraction, feeling the child pulling through him. So odd, so strange… he was dizzy, struggling to remember to breathe.

"Not much more. You're almost there. You're doing so well. "

Ienzo sobbed. He couldn't turn back now. He had no choice but to go with it, the ripping breaking pain on each contraction, until--

"One more push should do it."

He used the rest of his strength--he felt something being tugged from him, the pain abruptly easing, a gasp that was not his own--

"A girl, Ienzo, you've got a little girl--"

And then a baby was being pressed to his breast. "Oh…" He kissed her before he could stop himself, marveling at the dark blonde hair that was definitely Demyx's.

"The placenta, Ienzo."

"...Right." And then it was over. The cord was trimmed down, clamped off, and Even tried to take her from him. "What are you--"

"I need to measure her."

"Even--" He breathed the realization. "No," he said softly.

"What?"

"I…" A deep certainty, one long felt. "I want her."

He held the squalling newborn. "Are you… sure?"

The tears ran thick and fast. "Yes."

A long pause, his expression unreadable. "Alright, Ienzo. Alright. Let me… take her, for a moment. You rest." Even disappeared to the corner of the room. Ienzo sagged against the mattress, exhausted, the reality of his postpartum body weighing heavily. I've given birth, he thought. I had a baby. A baby he suddenly--irrationally--craved with his whole being.

Even brought her back to him, wrapped in a towel. "Three point six kilos," he said. "Seems perfectly healthy." He eased her into his arms. "Ienzo--"

"I know."

"Are you sure about this?"

He exhaled and looked at his baby. "What am I to do," he said. " Look at her, I can't--"

Even sighed. Smiled. "Quite." He leaned over to squeeze his shoulder. "There's nothing--ready for her. I wish you’d have told me--”

“I did too,” he said softly. “I had myself convinced I could do this on my own, that I could… give her up, I don’t know why…” He trailed off. “I’m so used to being on my own.”

“But you aren’t,” Even said. “Regardless of what happens. I won’t let you down again.”

Ienzo grasped one of his daughter’s tiny fists. He’d made this, this living thing . She smacked her lips a little bit. He felt more tears on his face.

“We’ll get through this,” Even repeated.

---

Ienzo could not look away from the baby. She’d slept most of the afternoon, and Even insisted he did too. He was feeling more pain now, sharp aches in his hips and uterus. Even was able to find some cloth diapers, brought some small blankets.

“We’re going to have to tell the others something,” Even said to him. “Especially if you… want to keep her.”

“Is it very impractical of me?” Ienzo murmured.

He chuckled a little. “Impractical, of course. But you take after your father in that regard. Bringing an orphaned child here out of the blue. We managed with you. We’ll manage with her.”

“I can never be good enough, all I’ve done--”

“You hush. Perhaps… in a roundabout way this is how you prove yourself. Helping build a better world she can grow up in.”

“Yes… that is… apt.”

Even took her gently from him. “You need rest.”

“Alright. I’ll try.”

He slept heavily and deeply until he heard her cry, jolting him to awareness, his breasts aching. He touched one, wincing. “Milk must’ve come in,” he muttered.

Even was half draped across the other bed, also asleep, his daughter--Ienzo’s daughter--squalling in the makeshift bassinet. He climbed out of bed and took a few hobbling steps towards her.

“We’ll learn to do this together, I suppose,” he said to her. He crossed back over to the bed and pulled aside one half of the top of his robe. The baby seemed to struggle for a moment before she was able to latch on, and Ienzo shuddered a little at the odd sensation. “It’s you and me now.” He ran his hand along her small warm skull. Her hair seemed to have a little curl--had she gotten that from Demyx?

It seemed to be hitting him harder now. He was a father . This was his child. It gave him the strangest feeling of warmth.

“I’ll do better,” Ienzo said softly. He burped her and set her back down. “I just need some rest.”

He was strong enough the next morning to bathe, to eat and limp weakly around the room. The baby slept and slept and slept, which Even assured him was normal for a newborn. “Birth is rather traumatic, putting it lightly,” he said. He paused, brushing his finger across the baby’s cheek. “Ansem has been asking about our whereabouts.”

A pang of anxiety skittered down his spine. “I’m sure he has--it’s unusual we’re gone this long--”

His eyes softened. “Would you be willing to tell him now?”

He exhaled.

“He has to find out eventually. Time will make it harder,” Even said. “You might be able to hide a pregnancy with your magic, Ienzo, but I doubt even you can hide a child for long.”

He took a sharp breath. “Alright.”

Even squeezed his shoulder and called him. Ienzo’s heart beat thickly the whole time they waited for him. All the while the child slept, snuffling and gurgling now and again. After what seemed like ages, the door opened. “Is everything alright,” Ansem asked hoarsely. “When you said Ienzo was down here I--” His eyes fell onto the child. His expression became hard to read. There was a long moment of just silence. Ansem came closer to them, puzzled. “Is this a child you… found?”

Ienzo admitted it to his jacket pocket. “No.”

He opened his mouth. Closed it. “But you didn’t… look …”

“An illusion.” He felt yet more tears rushing into his eyes, cursing his hormones. “I… only found out about three months ago, and then… I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone. It’s so… shameful to have gotten myself in that situation. I knew you’d be disappointed in me--after all I put you through--”

Ansem came closer to him. There was something foggy and far away in his eyes, nostalgic, almost. He brushed his hand along the baby’s head. “How could I be disappointed in a face like that?” he asked softly. “You could’ve said something sooner, Ienzo.”

“I told him the very same,” Even said, with a huff.

“Given me time to come to terms with the fact that I am a grandfather. May I?” He held out his arms.

Ienzo blinked. Not at all what he’d been expecting. “You want to… hold her?”

“Of course I do.” He smiled.

“You’re not mad?”

He took the child gently. “Why would I be mad?”

“This is one more mistake in a very long series.” He bit his lip. “I was careful, and then I didn’t even know--”

“Perhaps she was meant to be,” Ansem said. “She was waiting for you.”

“Why me, of all the people?”

“Give you something you needed,” he said. “A chance to live instead of survive. You’re more than your work, Ienzo.”

“But I’ve done so many awful things--what could I have to give her? Possibly?”

“Your willingness to change,” Ansem said. “To do good--to be selfless.”

“I don’t feel very selfless,” he admitted. “I couldn’t even find the nerve to tell anyone about her until--yesterday."

"And you only did that, I suspect, because your cover had been blown," Even said, with a sniff. "Do you know how badly it could've gone if you tried to deliver her yourself?"

Ansem went pale, hearing this. “What were you afraid of? Judgement?”

It became clear. “I was afraid you’d all convince me I could do this. I was afraid you… wouldn’t be angry.”

“Why?” Even asked.

He dropped his eyes. “Because I wanted to, deep down. I don’t… I took this very same thing from so many people. How does that make me worthy to raise a child?”

“But you love her?” Ansem asked.

He swallowed, feeling a lump in his throat. “Yes.”

“Love and a willingness  to do better… is all one needs to begin. Yes?”

A thick, sticky relief washed through him, and the tears broke free. “Okay.”

[heechulhamster]

Morals and Stipulations - Junmyeon

KIM JUNMYEON x Reader

ft. Jongin

Genre: Angst, Smut, Soulmate!AU, Professor!AU (It only gets a bit inappropriate in the end, you can skip the smut)

Words: 6,104

Synopsis: You were a sucker for romance. You’ve always looked forward to meeting your soulmate, the one that would fill your dreams every night. You imagined your future soulmate to be someone of your age, maybe taking the same classes as you do in the university. Sure, your soulmate was in the same university as you, but he was your professor. With the existing stipulations and his morals, would you be ever able to make it work?

You're born a believer of love. Well, believer is an understatement. You were a sucker for romance. You dreamt of finding your own Landon Carter even if you're nothing near a Jamie Sullivan. The Notebook made you tear up a lot, repeatedly. And you couldn't even start talking about how Jack died for Rose on the numbing cold of the Arctic. 

Maybe that's why you really, extremely, looked forward in finding your soulmate. The man who would be on your dreams every night once you meet him. The man who will make you feel something unexplainable, an electric shock of perfection, the first time you touch. 

But you certainly never imagined that it would be in this kind of situation. You imagined your future soulmate to be someone of your age, maybe taking the same classes as you do in the university. You'll see each other in the classroom, and you'll start dreaming about him that very night. You'll dream of your future, your past lives, what could happen, what happened, and everything in between. Just like how your room mate Lea met Baekhyun, he was in the same year as the both of you and they took the same elective subject. And it was all fantasy and fairytales brought into life afterwards.

Sure, your soulmate was in the same university as you. 

But he was your professor. 

Professor Kim of Contemporary Asian Literature was sure a wonderful breathe of fresh air in the line of old, strict, tenured professors of the University. You have to take his subject as a part of your last year in the University studying a major in literature. You've heard he's a hardworking overachiever so he got his Master's degree on an early age. You surely see the attraction of all his students that went crazy over him. He wasn't just handsome, we was exceptionally smart. The way he speaks in class just demanded attention and respect. 

You thought you'll peacefully end with that. Having a crush with your teacher was a normal thing for people, wasn't it?

But you dreamt about him, continuously. It was Kim Junmyeon every night. Getting rid of the previous dreams of just the beach, the mountains, any other sceneries that was void of any human being. Your dreams now found its subject, and it was the man who stood two hours in front of you every Thursdays and Fridays in a lecture hall. It was the man who, as stated by the university handbook and general human ethics, cannot engage in any form of relationship with you besides the professional. The man that was 8 years older than you. 

Your soulmate is Kim Junmyeon. 

And now you were standing in his office as he asked to meet you after classes. You knew he had the dreams, too. There was unease whenever you were the only one raising your hands in class. There was a notable discomfort everytime you turned in your paper, coming from both sides. 

And now you're in his office, with him on his chair behind his desk. 

"Do you have it too?" Junmyeon muttered in monotone. But there was a hint of curiosity in his voice. 

"The dreams?" You tried to clarify. 

"So you do." It wasn't a question. It was more of a declaration.

The professor stood up and went around his table, he found his way to the chair in front of you. He looked at you intently, as if searching for an answer in his immeasureable number of questions. You should feel happy, right? That you finally have the one you were fated to be with your whole life. The one who will make you feel complete and perfect, was now in front of you. Living, breathing, and all too perfect - someone who exceeded your expectations. 

Instead, you felt nervous. 

You saw him reach out his hands to yours, slowly clasping your fingers together. His hands were bigger than yours but it seemed like a perfect fit. But there you felt it - the sudden rush of warm feelings from your hands to your whole body. As if you're a paper suddenly ignited from your hands that hastily crept up to all othe sides, crevices, and nooks of your body. A phenomenon your mom struggled to explain when you were a child. All they said was you'll only know it when it happened. And this was it. 

Junmyeon's face painted of shock, you were too mesmerized to even say anything. 

"You?" Was all he managed to say. 

"I don't know." You knew, but your mind and your tongue refused to coordinate. "This can't be." You feel all of your emotions drag down suddenly. As if your soul was taken away from your body then forced back in. This can't be was surely something you didn't want to hear from your soulmate when you discover him. "What do you mean?" You tried hard not to cry. This was like one of your biggest dreams crashing to hell. You expected it to be perfect, romantic, wonderful. Not a "this can't be."

"You're a student. You're my student." He started shaking his head. He stood up and went back behind his desk. 

"This must be a mistake." Junmyeon mutters under his breath but you hear it vividly. He shook his head in disbelief and a sour taste filled your mouth and you feel a sudden pang on your chest.  You shifted from a sad emotion to a state of annoyance. "Yeah, it must be." You replied sarcastically. "You need to transfer to another university immediately." It wasn't a question but a command, to which your forehead wrinkled to. "With all due respect, Sir. I understand that you might not like me, but I couldn't just transfer schools just because fate didn't give you the woman of your dreams." You couldn't even hide the annoyance in your tone. Who in the world does he think he is? Junmyeon sat straight on his chair and cathed his forehead in his hands. A sigh of exhasperation escaped his mouth. "You could atleast drop out of my class." His hands joined together over his lips. "Can't. Your subject is my major and I'll be delayed for graduation if I drop out of it. I'm running for honors, sir." You calmly explained, demeanor not matching his. He just sat there, elbows on his desk and hands clasped together, looking at you as if thinking on ways he could throw you away. 

"Let's just pretend this never happened. That you and I, are not..." Your hand pointed on him and back to you, but you couldn't even bring yourself to say the word soulmate. It didn't feel like he was yours, at all. 

"Destined to be stuck with each other." He continued as you trailed off. His choice of words stung a bit. 

"Yeah, if that's how you put it. So, strictly professional. I wouldn't even talk about it to anyone. And I believe you wouldn't, too." You tried to smile a little bit as if trying to uplift the situation. As if pretending you've never met your soulmate was a happy incident. 

He nodded and you reached out your hand to his for a handshake, to which he obliged to. And there it was again, the unexplainable fleeting feeling the moment Junmyeon's skin touched yours. 

This pretending thing is gonna be a hard thing to do. 

Your life was all back to normal, except for the fact that it wasn't. You're sure that Junmyeon intentionally acted as if you did not exist at all during his classes. He has never made eye contact with you since the day on his office. It's alright for you if he wasn't teaching a major subject that you badly needed to ace. He didn't call you for recitations even if you were the sole student who raised hands. It came to a point that you just stopped trying all throughout as you looked like a moron raising your hand to nothing during his class. 

He never looked at you in class even when handing in papers. You were thankful that he still graded you fairly on such essays and papers or else your grades would flunk in the lack of class participation. You'd be lying if you say that it didn't hurt, to be disliked and flat out rejected by the person who was supposed to make you whole. And it's stupid that this soulmate system was just meant to draw you into him even more, even if he exerts the same force on pushing you away. 

You never told Lea and Baekhyun about this, as promised. The fact that your Contemporary literature professor was your soulmate was a secret you kept to yourself. No one would believe it anyway. And if they did, they'll surely only ridicule the hell out of the situation.

The dreams never went away nor lessened. Junmyeon was of constant presence in your haze. Some of which were too vivid that it made you feel something. Somehow it felt so real when he touched your face under the cherry blossoms on a wonderful spring day. He wore a long trenchcoat in that episode of your dreams, making him look like a renaissance man of the 1950's - all too classy and too attractive. And how on point was his voice in your dreams? Only there he wasn't speaking about points to consider in your literary work, or the excerpt from the most recent Paulo Coelho novel. There, your professor spoke of how much he loved you, how much he longed for you, all the sweet nothings combined with the small connections of skin to skin that you surely felt as if it was real. 

But then you go to class again, and see how much he exudes indifference towards you. And you have to remember that you're only falling for the dream version of Junmyeon, not the one that's actually present in your life. 

"Have you decided who you'll come with on Student's Night?" Lea asked beside you, peering over her desk and her hands resting the pencil on her lips. 

Ah, yes. This soulmate thing actually led you to forget about the Student's Night. You swear you've been looking forward for the night wherein students up for graduation all just come together and have their one last bang as they say. You expected to actually meet your soulmate on that night, maybe someone from a different major like engineering or the sciences. But yeah, Junmyeon happened.

"No one asked me yet. And I'm thinking if I should go." You answered with a blank expression. You didn't want to miss the once in a blue moon chance for you to have an excuse to dress up nicely. But you don't want to look pathetic going there alone while all your friends have their hands linked with their boy of the night. 

"Of course you should! I heard from Baek that Jongin actually wants to ask you out. I'm surprised he hasn't made a move yet." Your eyes widened at Lea's comment. 

"Jongin? Kim Jongin of the dance troupe, you say?" You chuckled a little in disbelief, you knew Jongin from Algebra class a few years back. But he just blossomed into this campus crush when he became the star of the dance troupe. You didn't think he'll remember you. 

"Yeah, apparently Baek hangs out with him and suggested you go together. So maybe we could still stick with you for the night and it won't be awkward." That actually made sense. Maybe if you go with Lea and Baek, and his friend, it wouldn't be such a weird thing to stick together. 

"I'll go if he asks me." Lea answered with a big smile.

"I'll tell Baek that your up for it."

And that's how you found yourself sitting in an American style diner in front of Kim Jongin. Beside him was Baekhyun and Lea was giggling beside you, too. You could tell that they're being giddy feeling that they're good matchmakers, but you know that's only because neither of them knows you've already found your soulmate. 

Baek ran the conversation, being the loud dog that he is. You and Jongin just laugh along and make comments every now and then. That was until the couple excused themselves from the table to play arcade or whatever. You know that it wasn't gonna be arcade that they're playing tonight. And that they did that to get the two of you alone. 

You heard Jongin call your name. "It's been a long time since I talked to you hasn't it?" 

"Yeah. First term of second year, I think?" You said with a small laugh. 

"So we could use a little catching up, I guess?" He said with his electric smile. Jongin is extremely attractive, even for you who already has a soulmate thing going on your mind. His golden tanned skin and eyes is a wonderful sight, indeed. You could feel a slight blush tint your cheeks, how many girls and guys would pay a hefty ton to be in your current situation? But still, you longed for your asshole of a soulmate. 

You didn't even notice the time pass, it was already 10:30 when you checked your phone. It was a delight talking to Jongin, he had a perfect mix of humor and sense. He sent butterflies flying and tumbling in your stomach with a few of his jokes, and your face flushed red when he softly held your hand over the table. If you could only change the one destined for you, you think. If and only if. "So, I guess I just had to ask this." You looked up to him, nodding as a gesture for him to go ahead.

"Have you already found your soulmate?" You felt a lump in your throat form on his question. You didn't want to lie, but at the same time you didn't think it would matter. Junmyeon already rejected you flat out.

"I haven't yet." You pursed your lips right after. You should've said I found him but he doesn't like me so I guess it's invalid.

"So you think we could try and get to know each other more?" 

And it was an offer you couldn't refuse. But Junmyeon still lingered in your mind. You tried hard to contain your mind with guilt when you entered class. Why were you guilty anyway? Junmyeon said that being your soulmate was a mistake. It was evident on how he avoided and couldn't even look at you. You're not sure if he just disliked you, it bordered on disdain and disgust. Were you that bad? Surely not, as you have Jongin up your sleeve. 

But there was a certain shift in Professor Kim's demeanor. You're sure he looked at you with annoyance, or even anger on his eyes as he entered the room. Wow, what could've made it worse? From dislike to anger now. Just plummeting down the feelings line, aren't we?

You thought twice before handing in a due paper on the end of the class,  even considering asking your seatmate to go and turn it in for you. But wouldn't that make you a sore loser? If Professor Kim doesn't care, why should you? With your binder held to your chest, you walked to the front. You were the last to submit the paper and almost everyone was already out of the room. Did you just think about passing a paper for that long?

You put down the paper on the table without a word and left, but Professor Kim called out your name before you could do such. 

"Going to student's night?" He asked in monotone. 

"Yep." You popped your p, trying not to act as insolent as he does towards you. "With someone, I presume." He said, still not looking at you as he fixed his bag and materials. 

"Of course, I wouldn't even bother to attend if I'm to be alone. I'd look pathetic." You inserted a chuckle, trying to lighten up with Junmyeon. Even if you knew it was no use. 

"Who?"

Your forehead knotted in confusion, why would he even ask? That's when his eyes met yours, filled with a scheme of seriousness - and pain, you thought. But you quickly redacted the thought as you remembered it was your indifferent soulmate we're talking about. 

"Jongin. Kim Jongin, from Performing arts." You pursed your lips with a smile. You couldn't help but grab the chance to look at the man you were fated to love. His navy blue button down crisp and neatly ironed and tucked into his tailored black slacks. 

"I've heard of him." He grabbed his bag and straightened his posture and you turned your back, figuring that it was time to leave. Yet you here your name being called back by Junmyeon once more. 

"Can you avoid being touchy with others?" You uncontrollably let out a small huh on his statement. No, it was a mix of a plea and an order. And it was just weird for him to ask for such.

"Can't promise." With a snide smile, you walked out of the room. You donned a black lace gown that fit your physique in all the right places. It's cut isn't revealing, but the material made you somehow feel seductive. You were good to go. You just had to up your game  little bit, you don't want Jongin to regret going with you. Considering that he has a "image" to keep, and you needed to keep up with it.

Admittedly, you want Junmyeon to see you. You're not sure whether he is one of the professors that would overlook the event but you sure hope he is. You want him to see that you're fine, that it's not that much of a mistake being your soulmate, that maybe you fit into his standards more than he expected to. Another thing is that you needed a bit of a push in your self esteem. Being rejected by your soulmate took a huge blow in your confidence. It was surely a great thing to have Jongin by your side as a reassurance that you're not unlikeable. 

And you felt bad for using him that way. 

The night was wonderful. Baek and Lea noticed the comfort between you and Jongin that they didn't hesitate having their alone time. Jongin started warming up to you a bit, and he asked you for a dance once the slow songs started. You liked Jongin, that was one thing for sure. You'd be dumb if you proclaim that you're not one of the girls who flustered when his choreography in the dance team got a little bit sensual. It was a law of nature to be attracted to guys like him. And his personality was a huge wonderful surprise too. But it was also a law of nature that you're bound and attached to Junmyeon. 

Fucking hell. 

If you could change soulmates, you'd grab the chance to be with the guy who's tenderly holding your waist right now as you sway to John Mayer's Gravity. But you couldn't. You couldn't change the man who invaded your dreams in the night. The man you can't help but think about and care for and yearn for. The man who was looking at you right now. 

Shit. 

You saw Junmyeon about a few meters away from the dancefloor. Intently looking at you as if you're doing something wrong. As if he's feeling pain. And that's when you realized you were almost hugging Jongin as you slow danced. Your chin resting on his shoulder and his head on yours. Junmyeon's body language was tense as he kept eye contact with you, clenching his fists. To hell with that.

"Do you want to stay here, or..." You looked at Jongin. His face contorted in confusion in your statement. His eyes glistened a bit when he got what you implied. 

"I mean, if you do its okay." You faked a shrug.

"No, no. I mean. It's getting a bit crowded too." He explained with a smile on his face. 

"I don't think I want to go back to my dorm, the last time I've seen Lea and Baek was an hour ago." You both laughed

"We can go to mine."

You made sure to look at your professor-slash-soulmate as you exited the venue. You felt a bit of guilt but your immature side got the best of you. You found yourself on the couch of Jongin's expectedly messy dorm. You sat on his lap sideways as your dress wouldn't allow you to straddle him. His lips were soft, his touch was careful as his hands from both of your arms, meeting at the exposed part of your back. Your hands were firm on both sides of his face, pulling him closer. It was a scene off a teenage high school movie, but there was only one problem.

You're thinking of Junmyeon. You're imagining of Junmyeon. 

You pulled out with a gasp and a breath of air. You catched your breath and Jongin did, too. You got off of him and paced around the room, shaking your head. This is bad, you thought. You felt like cheating even if there was nothing between you and Junmyeon, and neither you and Jongin too. It was a weird triangle of disassociation yet you're here being guilty like a deer on headlights. You already dreamt of Junmyeon that way. It was a night after he wore a tight fit crisp white button down on class, and it accented all his physique wonderfully. You blamed your hormones or your soulmate attraction that you weren't able to focus anything on the two hour class that day. But it bit you back at night. The dream was extremely vivid like the others but far more dangerous. You're sure that you never seen your professor half naked, but your mind pictured him right that way. You were straddling him and his hands were all over you. He left marks all over your neck and chest and his touch and kisses in the right places left you heaving as you moved your hips over him. 

"What's wrong, (y/n)?" Jongin asked you, still sitting on the sofa in shock. 

"It's just..." 

"I'm sorry if I took your signal a wrong way, I was too fast." He apologized as he walked towards you. 

"No, it's not a problem. It's just..." You sighed. You needed to tell Jongin or else if you let this go any further, conscience would eventually eat you up.  

"I already met my soulmate."

"When? Who?" His face painted a scene of confusion. Here we go.

"It was even before we went out with Baek. Way before that." 

"So why? Why did you still agree to go out with me?" He asked, his voice wasn't of anger but of sadness. You could already feel the guilt turn your stomach over yet you need to finish what you started and face the consequences of your choices. 

"He, he rejected me." You dropped your face in sadness. It still stung to admit that. "He said that it had to be a mistake. So yeah, I'm basically still soulmate-less because he doesn't want me."

Jongin's expression turned sad even more, as if he empathizes with you. "Man, that guy - who ever he is, made the worst mistake of his life in letting you go." Jongin's hands reached your cheek. "You still like him, don't you?"

"I mean, it's of nature to be yearning for your soulmate. It's just that, I didn't think finding my soulmate would hurt this bad. I'm sorry I lead you onto a wrong impression Jongin. But I can't do this. Who knows, I could be preventing you from finding yours, too." You sighed.

"I understand. Just know that I'm still here for you and that you're worthit, okay? Whoever he is, he'll realize that letting you go was something he'll regret." And your guilt ate you up even more, Jongin was such a catch. Too bad he wasn't for you. 

He dropped you back at your dorm, which was gladly void of Lea and Baek. You needed much time for yourself and think about things. You considered talking things through with Junmyeon, but you couldn't. You remember that you are still bound by the rules of the university and there will always be some hinder between the two of you. Whether that be his lack of feelings or the school rulebook. 

You're lost in your thoughts until you were brought back to reality by a knock on your door. You, now changed into a loose shirt and shorts walked your way to the door. Maybe Lea left her keys in the frenzy of events with Baek and had to knock. So you didn't bother viewing the peephole. 

"(Y/N)" Your jaw dropped at the figure standing in front of you.

He was still in his formal clothes, his white suit wonderfully fitting his body. A few accessories decorated his hand and his hair brushed up. 

"Sir, what are you-" He didn't even let you finish your query. "What in the hell were you thinking?" "What?" "I told you not to be so fucking touchy with that Jongin. Are you trying to kill me?"  Your forehead knotted in confusion. 

"First, it's none of your business. Why do you care anyway when you already rejected me? Second, how did you know? I never thought the smart professor would sneak up on his student." You couldn't even control your tone. You know you shouldn't be raising your voice on your professor but he just made zero sense.

He entered your dorm and you closed the door shut. Junmyeon ran his hands over his neatly done hair, disheveling it just a little bit. 

"You really have no idea on this soulmate thing don't you?" He looked at you with the intensity in his eyes. You refused to answer. 

That's when he hurriedly removed his coat and started unbuttoning his shirt, your jaw dropped in his action. You're sure that a professor stripping down in front of his students, in her dormitory room, was against any code of ethics. But afterall, he's your soulmate. 

He let his shirt slide off and you saw red marks on his arms. Junmyeon turned around a little bit and red marks can be seen on his upper back, too. You walked closer to him, examining the marks upfront. It didn't look like a burn, rather a scratch. Or as if someone just had freshly slapped him in those areas way too hard. 

"What are these?" You asked him. 

"Infidelity marks." He calmly said, "When you already find your soulmate and she still goes with someone else, you feel every touch that's not yours. The ones that are not the friendly kind, atleast. And the places tend to hurt, like a scalding burn." He further explained. 

"I- I'm sorry." You were at loss of words. 

"That's why I asked you nicely last week. I felt it the first time. It was a stinging pain on my hand. I just knew it had to do something with you." 

You searched for Junmyeon's face of emotions, you swear you could see pain but maybe it was just the effect of the marks. "I- I didn't know. I'm sorry." You exhaled. 

But his pain was physical. Far from the detrimental emotional destruction that you had to deal everytime you see him and had to pretend nothing happened. "You already knew that I was your soulmate but you still go and cozy up other men?" Your jaw clenched on his reprimanding tone. 

"Excuse me? I'm your soulmate by fate, yes. But you've already flatly rejected me. Asked me to stay away from you - heck you even asked me to transfer universities. That's how much you disliked me and you aksed me to stay loyal? What the hell is wrong with you?" You snapped. Junmyeon was shocked for a moment then his face looked defensive yet again. "I didn't reject you." He said defensively.

"Oh yeah? I'm sure that calling me a mistake doesn't count as acceptance either." Feeling your eyes starting to well up, you balled your fists trying to hold everything in. 

"I didn't call you a mistake. The situation was a mistake. This is a mess." He started. "You are my student. Theres existing stipulations that you and I, we can't be. I asked you to transfer universities so maybe we could've worked it out. Maybe I could take you out on a date or go see the cherry blossoms as my dream suggests. But you wanted to stay here. So I had to fight all my desires to just be with you and treat you as if you didn't exist because I wouldn't know any other way to cope with it."

Tears fell from your eyes. You didn't expect that the pain extended both ways. "This soulmate feeling doesn't have a switch nor a cancel button that can let you just turn it off. Even it was wrong, I still felt attracted to you. Do you know how hard it was to let my morals and my feelings battle everytime I see you? I waited for 28 years to meet you. And you're going to tell me that I rejected you? It was the circumstances I rejected, that i hated. Not you." 

"You suck at coping mechanisms, Junmyeon." It was the first time you said his name out loud without any honorifics. Somehow it felt like he forgot that he stood in your living room half naked.

"I know it wasn't the ideal thing to do. But what do you expect? Just let me lose your job and get you kicked out of the university?" You started to calm down. You closed your eyes and let out a deep sigh. You felt the wall set up in between the two of you just break down. But you were the first to bend so you just ran into him and trapped him in an embrace. 

"Maybe one day we'll figure out how to work it out, right?" You said as you rested your head on his chest. Which was too exposed for the situation but you tried hard not to let your mind sway that way.

"I've waited 28 years, you're set to graduate in a few months. I'm pretty sure I can handle the short wait." Junmyeon chuckled and you could feel his chest vibrate and warmth set on you all over. 

From that night onwards, your relationship with Junmyeon took a turn. You existed in his class again. You exchanged a few reassuring smiles every here and there. He sometimes took you to the outskirts of the city, far away from the University only to have dinner together. You told Lea and she promised not to tell anyone. She, too, was hurt by the irregularity of the situation. It was hard not to be around your soulmate most of the time. And it was harder to try and subside your feelings, and hide the truth. 

But what was harder to control was the frequency of the intense kind of dreams. Somehow, when Junmyeon decided to have that talk with his sculpted abdomen on display, your imagination would only run wilder. You would always wake up in the middle of the night with an intense discomfort. And you could only depend on yourself on doing something about it. You couldn't even bring yourself to ask Junmyeon if he experiences it too as your relationship hasn't really reached that level yet. Chaste kisses and a few heated ones was all you shared, still scared on the rules and being caught. 

It was mental and emotional torture. 

Until this night, the same vivid dreams plagued your sleep again. You woke up in the familiar discomfort combined with a knocking on your door. Lea told you that she would be out on a trip with Baekhyun so you certainly weren't expecting anyone. Outside stood Junmyeon clad in a loose sweater and sweatpants. Looking as if he only got up from the bed. 

"Why are you here in 2am in the morning?" You quickly asked. Still not forgetting about the dreams you had only a few moments ago. 

"I've been getting these kinds of dreams nonstop and I don't know what to do about it." He said in desperation. 

"Would that kind of dream be explicitly against your code of morals?" You asked, somewhat beating around the bush.

"Certainly." He exhaled and closed the gap between you two. You didn't deny him the kiss that was needy and longed to go for something more. Junmyeon's hand held the back of your neck in place and the other snaked down from your hips to your thighs. 

He broke away for a moment, looking you in the eyes. "You could say no." "I don't think that would do either of us any favor." And the gap between your lips was closed again. Both of his hands now found the back of your thights, pressing on it a bit hard so you took the sign and jumped. Wrapping your legs around him as your hands settled on both sides of his face.

This was exactly what you imagined that night with Jongin. Being in Junmyeon's arms and kissing him as if your life depended on it. As if you'll lose your only source of life if your lips were to ever part. He walked to your room, still carrying you and landed you softly on the bed. Junmyeon was quick to discard his sweater and shirt leaving him in his sweatpants. 

He leaned down and hovered over you as he kissed you again. He lifted your shirt up, and you were practically naked in front of him except for the panties that was left. You instinctively crossed your arms over your chest in fear of his judgement but he grabbed your wrists away. 

"That wouldn't do either of us any favor." He said with a smirk as he dived to your neck, leaving kisses and marks all over the area. Sounds of pleasure left your mouth as his hand started palming over your panty that still soak from the episode of your dreams. 

"Were you dreaming about me too?" Junmyeon said as you writhed in his touch. "Make it real, please." Your plea just took away all the last strings of his self control. Taking the last piece of your clothing off and his fingers made its way to pleasure you. 

Only a few words were shared afterwards, all that came out of you were moans and he left a few remarks that was unexpected from a professor. But if anything, it left you even more yearning for him. How he dropped his perfect and disciplined demeanor all because he had lewd dreams about you. It was ecstasy in your mind that you had that effect in him.

He took off the last barrier between the two of you and discarded it to god knows where. Still, intelligence haven't left Junmyeon as he was sure to practice safe sex as he slid a condom over his hardness. And all your dreams just became reality. You knew you wouldn't last long, and he didn't seem as if he will either. All the pent up longing just stuck in the both of you now in fruition. 

"God, you feel so much better when it's real." He whispered in your ear at the heat of the moment. 

It wasn't long until you feel your own walls clenching around him as he continued thrusting in and out of you. You moaned his name, fingers clawing in his back as a reaction to the immense pleasure washing over you. 

Junmyeon's motions turned erratic and out of sync and he let out a loud groan, moaning your name afterwards. He peppered you with kisses as he slid out of you, eventually collapsing beside you. A few moments after cleaning up, he laid beside you as you rested your head on his chest. 

"What about your so called stipulations sir?" You asked jokingly. "You're not just my student. You're my soulmate." He laughed a little. "And your morals?" "That's Professor Kim's. It's Junmyeon you have here. And no one has to know." He looked at you with all the feelings in his eyes. 

"I love you, Junmyeon."

"I love you." 

The two month wait to graduate couldn’t be that long, right?

[nadziejastar]

Axel’s Moral Relativism

“No apology?” He with the red hair—Axel stood up, his mouth turned down at the corners, and looked down at Roxas who still sat in bed.

“I shouldn’t have to. The one showing up all of a sudden when others are waking up is in the wrong.”

“Is that how to treat a best friend on coming back from completing a long mission!”

“I don’t recall becoming your best friend.”

Roxas got off the bed, and, ignoring Axel, turned his back and put on a black coat.

This is a passage from the short story called “Roxas: Somewhere in Time”. It was included with KH2FM+ and details a little bit of how Roxas and Axel got along together in the organization. Xion wasn’t included for obvious reasons. I got the sense that Nomura took Roxas in a slightly different direction to make him more like Ventus in Days.

Roxas was a little more cynical and introspective in this short story compared to Days. But one thing remained the same. From the very beginning, Roxas was never meant to feel as strongly about being “best friends” as Axel did in KH2. He felt like Axel was being a bit pushy about that label and given their circumstances, I’d say he was completely justified in feeling that way.

Axel said ‘best friend’. But that’s only playing at being human; it’s a relationship that we, Nobodies without hearts, aren’t supposed to have. But, within the organization, I’ve become especially close to Axel—no, it’s a fact without mistake that we are closer than the other members, and I don’t really know how that relationship should be expressed.

And that was their relationship in a nutshell. They were especially close and had a very important relationship, but they still weren’t really best friends. I know I’ve talked about this before, but it ties into this subject. I’ve heard a lot of people say that they didn’t like 358/2 Days because of the constant “best friends” talk and because Axel seemed like a goody-two-shoes big brother, instead of the hardcore assassin he acted like in CoM. They couldn’t reconcile those two different portrayals.

Yes, “best friends” was mentioned over and over. Way more than with SRK or TAV. Compared to them, RAX didn’t even know each other for that long. It was supposed to feel forced. But, I don’t think that was a bad thing or that it lessened the importance of their bond. To the contrary, I actually thought their relationship was a lot MORE meaningful because they weren’t really Axel’s best friends. As an assassin, Axel had a very skewed sense of morality. And that’s what this post will be about.

“What are you trying to do? Are you thinking to use Naminé as a shield? That little girl doesn’t mean anything to me. I’ll just destroy her along with you. Get ready, Marluxia!” fired Axel, readying his chakrams.

Peculiar or not, she’s got nothing to do with me, or the Organization… I don’t think. It’s fine to destroy things that are in the way.

I definitely think Axel was always willing to do the dirty work for Saïx because he thought of Isa as his best friend. He never really cared about the morality of what he was doing. All that mattered was that he was doing it for the sake of his best friend. 

Day 74: Xion's Face

Author: Axel

Honestly, I never got why Roxas was so crazy about Xion. I know they both joined up around the same time, and they're both rookies, but how do you get so close to somebody who hides their face all the time? Well, I saw it today. All of a sudden, No. XIV up and takes off...her hood. Xion is a girl, and she looks just like Naminé.

Roxas and Xion became his “best friends” because that changed when he met them. Especially after Castle Oblivion. Roxas was Sora’s Nobody and Xion looked just like Naminé. It made him question everything about the way he had been living.

“Your best friend?” Roxas shook his head furiously and grabbed Axel’s cloak. “Best friends are supposed to be honest with each other!”

He’s angry, Axel thought clearly. It really does make it seem like he has a heart. But if that’s all I can think of when he’s this upset, I really must not have one.

It’s important to emphasize that although Axel’s relationship with Roxas was pretty one-sided in KH2, it was kind of the opposite in Days. Roxas liked the idea of being best friends with him and Xion. Their relationship didn’t fall apart because Roxas was indifferent to their friendship. Axel did a lot of things to alienate Roxas after telling him they were best friends. Roxas felt betrayed. Axel did what he thought was the best thing for everyone’s sake. But Roxas was unable to understand that because Axel had a much less idealistic outlook on life than he did.

Still gripping Axel’s collar, Roxas shook his head with the emphatic refusal of a little kid. “No, you didn’t…” But he sounded uncertain as he said it, and his voice shrank even more. “We’re supposed to be best friends.”

Axel brushed Roxas’s hands from his collar. “This isn’t about friendship.”

Roxas raised his head. The glare in his blue eyes was sharp as a knife. Axel had never seen that from him before. His chest twinged, just a bit. He let out another sigh. “Listen, if that’s all, I gotta go.”

Roxas wilted again, and something in his expression weakened Axel’s resolve slightly.

I did it with the best of intentions, that’s all. For Roxas’ sake, for Xion’s sake, for the Organization’s sake---and for Isa’s sake. But more than anything, for my own sake.

He turned away from Roxas and made himself walk away.

Axel’s innocence had already been shattered a long time ago. He was used to dealing with the darker side of life. Due to his traumatic past, he had an amazing ability to emotionally detach himself from any given situation. It was a form of self-preservation.

After he left Roxas, Axel’s distracted wandering through the hallways came to a stop when he saw someone else.

He was probably waiting for me. Standing there against the wall with his arms folded was once my best friend—Saïx didn’t take his eyes off the ground to look at Axel.

“…You’re sure this is for the best?”

“Everything is back to normal. Of course this is for the best, isn’t it?”

The reason I’m unable to answer Saïx is probably because I depend on him, thought Axel.

“Xemnas has also been irritated at the recent changes in plan. Everything has to go back to normal, for the sake of our goal too… Lea.”

But from Roxas’s point of view, Axel seemed cold and heartless. He always said that Nobodies had no hearts and that they couldn’t feel things like fear or love. Naturally, Roxas thought he didn’t value their friendship as much as he did. And Axel did hide all of his true feelings, so I can’t blame Roxas for feeling that way. 

But while Axel pushed Roxas further away, he really wanted to do what was best for him. He wanted to spare Roxas the pain that he went through. And at the same time, he was dealing with his inner conflict over his relationship with Saïx. He had a hard time coping with the huge rift between how he remembered their past compared to what he saw in the present. He had nobody to confide in about this.

“Come on, don’t look shocked,” Axel went on. “You already know you’re a replica. A puppet whose original purpose was to duplicate Roxas’s powers. If he’s getting weaker, and you’re getting stronger, maybe you’re taking a little more than you oughta be.”

He didn’t gloss over anything. Confronted with the plain truth, she looked away.

Right. I’m a puppet. Organization XIII built me. A doll to copy Roxas’s powers. But still…that’s not all I am. Axel doesn’t know the whole story. And maybe I don’t, either. What other secrets are hidden inside me?

“…What should I do, then?” she mumbled at the floor. She didn’t have the answer.

“I can’t make that decision. You’re no puppet in my book.” Axel took hold of her shoulders, and she turned up to him again. There was sincerity in his eyes and kindness. “You’re my best friend. Mine and Roxas’s. Got it memorized?”

Axel told Xion they were best friends, but at that point, he still thought it was better for her to not exist. He said they were best friends for her sake. And perhaps to assuage some of the guilt he felt over what he was planning to do, which she was oblivious to. Axel had no real advice for her. He didn’t expect her to exist for much longer and left it up to her to decide what to do. He felt bad about it, but he truly thought it was for the best that she disappear.

“Are you talking about destroying her?” Axel made no reply.

“Answer me!” he screamed, kicking the wall.

Axel still spoke quietly. “If somebody doesn’t, then you…won’t be you anymore.”

“I’ll always be me! Your best friend—just like Xion!”

But Axel shook his head. “Roxas—you’re missing the bigger picture.”

“Ugh, forget this.” Roxas kicked the wall again for good measure and started walking away. There was no point talking to Axel anymore. The Winner stick was still in his pocket. So much for giving it to Axel.

“Roxas!” He didn’t look back. He didn’t want to hear what anyone had to say anymore.

He kept all of this from Roxas. He knew he would never accept that his best friend needed to be destroyed for his own good. So he took the burden on himself to do it, knowingly destroying their friendship in the process.

Roxas no longer knew what to say to either of them. Why had Axel attacked Xion like that? He’d been for real. Serious enough that he almost seemed about to take her down for good. The thought made Roxas nervous. Axel wasn’t saying anything to him, either.

At first Axel took a rather pragmatic approach to the situation with Xion. He wasn’t happy about it and it wasn’t an easy decision or anything. But he did attack her and bring her back, with the intention of her being destroyed. Even when he fought her, he was ready to take her out permanently if it came to that. He didn’t like it, but he was able to set aside his feelings and do what he thought he had to do. He only changed his mind at the very end.

I don’t have a single friend in this place. All these people on my side—and his and the organization’s… But I don’t know if I can say that we’re really on the same side. I’m alone here.

Nostalgia… And memory. We are the ones who lost their hearts—the ones who are no one. Nobodies. Not light nor darkness—we live in the twilight.

Axel stopped outside the crystal ball room and took a deep breath.

Why are we here? What are we doing? No—why am I here?

Axel’s actions definitely demonstrated that he viewed Isa as his best friend above anyone else. He questioned why he was still in the organization after he killed Vexen.

It’s just like that back is rejecting me. And I’m realizing that my memories of the past are too different from the thoughts I’m having now.

Why the hell am I here? I don’t really know any more. What the hell do I want to do?

And he questioned it when Saïx said the organization didn’t need both Roxas and Xion. Saïx did not act like Axel’s friend, let alone his best friend. He was totally cold and often very cruel to to him. Axel felt rejected and alone when talking to Saïx. But he chose to stay in the organization. If he really wanted to, he could have left. But he never did.  

“The time has come for us to move, it seems—”

Axel frowned at Xemnas’ words.

What if—I’d stopped Roxas properly, that time? If I’d told Roxas the entire secret, would it have turned out like this? But, I couldn’t betray the organization.

No—to be honest, I’ve already betrayed the organization. In that castle, I was the one who let Riku and Naminé meet, which made a big mess for the organization.

But, I didn’t complete the betrayal. I’m still uncertain. From the time I met my best friend Roxas, from the time spent in Castle Oblivion, I’ve continued to struggle with doubts.

Why am I here? What do I want? How can I become whole again?

Even now, he wasn’t sure.

After Xion disappeared, Roxas was the only one who helped Axel feel less lonely in the organization. But when Roxas left, he was still conflicted. It’s not that he was afraid to go against the organization. He just didn’t know what he truly wanted to do in order to be whole.

Today I have to destroy Roxas. I cannot betray the organization.

From the little shelf at his bedside, Axel took a white envelope, and looked at it vaguely for a while. Putting it in his pocket, Axel got up off the bed and left the room.

Maybe, this is the last time I’ll see Saïx, too. Thinking, Axel looked at the seated Saïx’s back.

“We’ve known each other for a pretty long time, haven’t we?” Ignoring Axel’s words, Saïx continued typing on the keyboard.

“Say something. Have you even thought that maybe I can’t erase Roxas?” Axel said, in a playful tone, and Saïx finally looked up. “It’ll be all right. ‘Cause I’m tough.”

“Saying stupid things,” said Saïx, smiling for just a second at Axel, puffing out his chest.

In the end, he decided he had to destroy Roxas. He joked about destroying Roxas. That’s how desperately he wanted to emotionally connect with Saïx, like when they were kids. I definitely could never see him joking about destroying Saïx to Roxas. 

“I’m goooing.” Waving to Saïx, Axel disappeared.

The instant he transferred over, he closed his eyes for a moment at the dazzling sunset streaming through. Then he turned around dramatically, and confirmed it was Roxas.

“Look at what it’s come to,” Axel said. “I’ve been given some pretty nasty orders…to destroy you if you refuse to come back with me.”

I don’t think Axel truly thought it was funny, but I do think that he has been through so much trauma that he felt emotionally disconnected from everything, and developed a dark sense of humor. Immediately after that exchange, he appeared in front of Roxas and told him he was given the icky orders to destroy him.

Can I destroy Roxas? Probably not. But I know what I can’t do. Xemnas and Saïx probably knew that as well. Maybe we can disappear together from here and go somewhere.

And Axel genuinely wasn’t sure if he would be able to do it or not. He didn’t want to do it, and ultimately wasn’t able to, but he still came pretty close. He only changed his mind at the last minute, like with Xion. He was playing around with the idea that they could disappear together, but he only brought it up jokingly. After that, he tried to go back to the organization.

“No one would miss me,” I retorted, and started to walk away.

“That’s not true…,” Axel mumbled. “I would.” At the time, I pretended not to hear him. We Nobodies have no hearts. How would we be able to “miss” someone? But now, I understand how he felt.

Roxas flung Axel back with the Keyblades so that he fell to his knees. Roxas couldn’t bring himself to deal the final blow. 

“Axel…”

That’s right—we were the only pair of best friends in the organization.

I got the sense that Axel was so convinced he didn’t have a heart because of all the things he had done as a Nobody. He was truly disgusted with himself after fighting Roxas. He said that Roxas had a next life because he was a sweet, innocent kid. He looked surprised that Roxas responded seriously to his suggestion to meet again in the next life, especially after what he just did to him. Roxas still cared about him and had sympathy for him.

“Axel…” The hostility had vanished from Roxas’ eyes.

I can’t find the spirit to fight this Roxas anymore. Here–there’s nothing to do but to fade away.

“Let’s meet again in the next life.” At those words spoken with just a hint of a smile, Roxas nodded quietly.

“Yeah. I’ll be waiting.” There was something funny about Roxas’s serious answer, and Axel laughed.

“Silly… you’d have a next life, but…” Axel said to Roxas–and his figure disappeared in the darkness of a portal he’d opened behind him.

Axel was aware that he just tried to murder that pure-hearted kid who once called him his best friend. Of course Axel thought he had no heart or a next life. He didn’t stop fighting Roxas because they were best friends. He stopped because he realized that he wasn’t Lea anymore. He no longer recognized himself and he was deeply ashamed.

“What were you trying to do?” Sora asked. For a moment, Axel didn’t reply. He kept staring into space as he did. 

“…I wanted to see Roxas. He…was the only one I liked. When I was with him…he made me feel…like I had a heart…” Axel closed his eyes.

Somehow, he had the feeling that Roxas was close. Terribly close. Right beside him.

“I feel it…with you, too…” Then Axel weakly shook his head and returned his attention to Sora. “Kairi’s in the castle dungeon. Now go.”

Roxas and Sora made Axel feel like he had a heart, not because they were his best friends, or because he was in love with them. It was because he tried to harm them and they still showed him forgiveness and compassion. 

“We don’t disappear… We’re only reborn,” Naminé murmured, perhaps to herself.

“I’m not like you and Roxas,” Axel said flatly. His hand holding the ice pop stick paused in midair.

“But—but you…” She looked down, clenching her fists.

“It’s because I don’t have a heart,” Axel went on. “I don’t want to disappear, but I’m not upset or sad about it.”

I think that played a huge role in why Axel put Roxas on such a pedestal in KH2. Roxas was the epitome of humanity to him. He wasn’t used to being around people who showed him empathy and friendship. Roxas genuinely cared about him in 358/2 Days. He was devastated when he thought Axel was terminated and would never see him again. And Axel repaid that kindness by trying to destroy him. Roxas treated Axel like a human worthy of friendship. He made him feel human, even when he felt like he didn’t deserve it.

“I think we all know, and you just don’t want to accept it,” Saïx remarked, his voice dripping with disdain.

“He might be forcing her…,” Roxas mumbled.

Saïx only snorted at him. “Hah! Your human-like way of thinking is so nauseating.”

But that was the only thing Roxas could think of. Xion wouldn’t betray the Organization…or her friends. Would she? He stared at the floor, his fists clenched at his sides. Were Nobodies and humans really all that different?

“You have to trust your partners,” said Roxas, flaring up. Then he raised his head to glare at Saïx. “Why is it such a crime to give each other the benefit of the doubt?!”

“Just stop, Roxas.” Axel restrained his arm. “Just, calm down a little.”

Unlike with Roxas and Xion, I don’t think Lea ever considered destroying Isa an option. If Isa ever had to be destroyed, Lea promised him that they’d go together. That’s how attached he was to Isa. They were best friends and inseparable. He put Isa ahead of everyone.

“Huh…you’ve got a point. So, okay, say you don’t need a heart for things to be important to you… Maybe the closest thing we Nobodies have is our pasts. It’s the memories that give things value.”

“Memories…,” Roxas mumbled at his lap. “Well, I don’t remember my past, so I guess that explains it.”

Axel pondered that for a few seconds before suggesting, “What about your present, though?” Roxas looked up. Somehow, he hadn’t expected to hear that from Axel.

“Wait, you’re right. I don’t want to forget about you or Xion.”

“See?” said Axel. “Everyone’s got things they wanna hang on to. Even us Nobodies.”

When asked what he couldn’t bear to lose, he didn’t say it was his friendship with Roxas or Xion. He knew Roxas valued the present more than anything, but Axel still would have chosen the past.

Axel didn’t waste a second grabbing his chakrams. But his body was reluctant somehow. 

I don’t want to disappear… But still, it wouldn’t be so bad if I did. Not here. 

Even when Saïx wanted him dead, Axel felt like he’d rather disappear than fight him. Saïx was stronger than him, and Axel never thought he could beat him. He was never going to destroy him or anything. But even fighting him in self-defense was enough to make Axel feel like disappearing—the one thing he dreaded more than anything. 

This is a pretty overwhelming disadvantage, Axel thought. Well, I knew that before we started fighting. I can’t win against Saïx with my own strength.

Still, he refused to hesitate. He had to force this path open. He wanted…to find hope—the hope that Sora and Riku had.

Saïx gave him a cruel grin. “You will lose everything!” And then the Claymore pierced Axel’s chest.

I don’t want to disappear. I can’t disappear now. I shouldn’t have to disappear at all. Why am I doing all this? Who is it for? For Roxas… For Riku, for Naminé… And for myself. There are still things I should do. Things I have to do.

Axel was only willing to fight Saïx for Kairi’s sake. It wasn’t because they were best friends. He did it because it was the best thing for everyone. But he was envious of Riku and Sora because of the hope they had.

“Al said he wouldn’t rely on magic, right? I want to fix it for him, but you gotta respect your friend’s wishes.”

“Your friend’s… wishes…” 

So, even if you mean for something to be for your friend’s sake, their wishes are still more important?

Lea and Isa promised to meet again in the next life. But even then, Lea changed his mind. Even if Isa disappearing was the best thing for everyone, and that was the decision he made himself, Lea didn’t care.

“That Genie person seemed very worried about that Al person. And then he said that you have to respect your friend’s wishes.” Xion bit her ice cream, swinging her feet.

Axel leaned his head to one side. “Your friend’s wishes, huh…” 

It feels like I have heard that before, a long time ago, when I was human.

He was going to bring him back, whether he liked it or not---whether it was the right thing to do or not. He’d bring him back, even if he had to drag him. And I think that is how Lea developed such a skewed sense of morality, and why he was willing to do anything for Saïx, even the icky jobs. Lea refused to respect Isa’s wishes if it meant he had to sacrifice himself.

This is the way it has to go, Axel told himself, lying on his bed. This is the right course.

But he was swamped with misgivings, unable to accept his own decisions. How could he choose between Roxas and Xion? And yet, that was exactly what he’d been forced to do. Then Xion had walked away of her own accord.

Then again, this did little to alter the big picture. All it meant was that Xion would no longer be draining strength from Roxas. The plan would only suffer a slight delay in progress—nothing more. Although even that slight delay would let Roxas remain himself for a little longer.

Axel didn’t know what would happen. But he was glad, at least, for a little more time to think.

What will I have to do? What should I do?

His thoughts kept him awake for some time.

When Axel told Roxas that Xion needed to disappear for the greater good, he must have felt like a huge hypocrite. When Xion left on her own and Axel turned a blind eye, he must have felt like a huge hypocrite.

I promised Xion. I have to keep my word, don’t I? What Xion really wants—and what Roxas wants, too—is for the three of us to stay together. But there’s nothing I can do now to make that happen. So if I can at least keep my promise to her…that’s what I’ll do.

Axel didn’t let any of it show as he waited for Roxas to continue.

“You’re not really gonna do what Xemnas says…are you?” Roxas asked, still staring at the floor.

A tiny sigh escaped Axel. “I have to. Or else I won’t be safe, either.”

That was the harsh truth. And if he was gone, too, who would keep Roxas safe?

When Axel set out to destroy Xion after calling her his best friend, he must have felt like a huge hypocrite. When Axel thought he had to respect Xion’s wish to disappear, he must have felt like a huge hypocrite.

Kairi looked up at him then. “Aren’t you…a bad guy?”

“I’m not,” Axel replied, completely serious. “But not really a good guy, either.”

“This doggy likes you, though,” she pointed out.

Axel dropped his gaze, and indeed, Pluto was right there with his tail whipping back and forth.

“Just because dogs like someone doesn’t mean they’re a good person, y’know. Got it memorized?”

I got the sense that Lea was always willing to get his hands dirty for Isa’s sake, because he remembered him to be so selfless. I think Lea would have done anything for him. He would have eliminated anyone to save him. Roxas, Xion, Sora. Anyone. 

Axel, what do you want to do?”

“Avoid being eliminated ideally.”

“So you’re offering me up to the organization?”

“…Well, you see any other options?” His expression was frozen in a forced smile.

He had no ideas. He didn’t know what to do. And he had no heart and thus no emotions to guide him, either.

I think Saïx was telling the truth when he said Axel changed. Their roles were reversed from the past. Axel was an assassin who was morally ambiguous. He said he didn’t believe anyone could say what was right or wrong, and he also didn’t consider himself a good person or a bad person.

“But this is for everyone’s sake.”

Everyone…? Who do you mean by everyone? Us? Or others?

“Don’t say selfish crap like that. Every last one of…”

“This is for the best,” Xion said.

I hate that sort of thing. There’s no such thing as ‘this is for the best’. There’s, I want to, and I don’t want to, that’s all. I learned that in my human time.

He was willing to do bad things to achieve his goals. He was desensitized to it. It’s what he had to do to survive in the organization. As long as he got what he wanted, nothing else mattered. But when he realized how much Isa had changed, Axel’s resolve to get his hands dirty wavered.

“The best thing…?” Naminé set her crayons down on the table, her gaze dropping as she thought for a moment, and then she smiled at him again.

“It’s the right thing.”

In response, Axel only leaned back and rocked in the chair again. She took up her crayons.

No one could know what was right or wrong.

Roxas and Kairi were what finally tipped him over the edge. He could no longer do what he knew was wrong. This is why I think Axel’s friendship with Roxas and Xion was so important to his development. It was so important exactly because they weren’t really his best friends. They offered something to Axel that he couldn’t have gotten from his real best friend.

“The dirty work doesn’t bother me,” Axel went on. “You just make for the top.”

There was nothing false in that, and he looked Saïx in the eye as he said it. Saïx stared hard back at him.

Right. We have our own agenda.

It’s interesting that Axel was so concerned with doing what was best for everyone in Days, considering he actually hated that type of thinking as a human. I got the sense that Isa acted as Lea’s moral compass during the experiments. There’s a reason Isa got possessed and Lea became an assassin, after all. And it wasn’t because Lea was a goody-two-shoes. He was a good person deep down. But he didn’t care what was best for everyone if it meant Isa had to die.

To suit the Organization, to suit Xion, to suit Roxas—to suit the world. I don’t give a crap about any of that any more. I use the Organization for myself. That hasn’t changed from the start. All that’s changed is for whose sake I do it for. Maybe he’d call it being a traitor. But, the world changes.

His best friend was more important to him than the world. But...Lea cared so much about him because he was the type of person who put others ahead of himself. It’s why Axel was willing to do all the dirty work for him. 

Ansem quietly shook his head. “Naminé, Roxas, and Xemnas… The Nobodies of those with strong hearts are peculiar beings. My—that is, our theories proved fruitless. Coming into contact with a strong heart transforms a world. And not just worlds, but people themselves—and even Nobodies.”

Naminé, head lowered and hand extended with the ice cream for Riku, perked up upon hearing those words.

That’s it… Yes. The mystery of the heart. When we encounter someone special…the world changes. Our hearts change. Everything changes.

Axel needed to have Saïx act like a horrible person in order for him to rediscover his sense of morality. His loyalty to Saïx was holding him back. He grew tremendously as a character by refusing to do the wrong thing, even for his best friend. He stood on his own two feet, did the right thing, and earned his redemption. Ironically, his betrayal of Saïx was due to his loyalty to his memories of Isa. And betraying Saïx was the only way to eventually get Isa back. 

[banditthewriter]

Impossible Year - Billy Russo - 6

This one is a little shorter but hopefully that’s okay!

Since links are making posts not show up in tags, you can find previous parts on my Masterlist in my about me!

Tags are at the bottom. Let me know if you would like to be added to one of my tag lists!

Enjoy!

*****

June

For the first bit of June, you were getting an email almost every other day. The back and forth made you smile, as did the consistency. You had never been in a position like this with anyone but your brother, but even with Evan you didn't talk to him as often as you did Billy. Did that make you a bad person? You tried to find any guilt or regret for wanting to talk to Billy as much as possible but you didn't find any. Then you noticed that the responses slowed down. After the first few days, you took to sending an email each day but you didn't make it seem like you were worried. You kept the topics light, telling him about your day or a movie you had seen. He was probably busy. You knew that he wasn't overseas on vacation; he had a job to do and it was life or death. It wasn't that you had forgotten that he was a Marine per se. You were pretty sure you had just decided to ignore it in favor of focusing on the friendship you were building with him. It had been playful and fun, but the truth was that this was a soldier. The anniversary of your brother's death was coming up and it was a stark reminder that you could lose Billy just as quickly as you had lost Evan. "Hey you," Jeremy said when you opened your front door, a bottle of wine in his hand as he came in. "Haven't seen you around much lately." You hadn't gone out much lately but that wasn't down to Billy. No, you'd been drowning in work and just hadn't felt like doing much on your free time. And yeah, maybe you had also been a little worried about where Billy was. "I miss elementary school," you joked a little while later with half a bottle of wine drank between the two of you. "There was snack time and nap time and no responsibilities." He let his glass clink to yours and laughed as he leaned his head back against the cushion of the couch. "Yeah, but we also weren't allowed to drink wine on school nights." You laughed and stretched your legs out. You weren't sure when the two of you had slid onto the floor, but you were stretched out with your head resting on a pillow from the couch. He was slumped over but not quite sprawled out like you were. His words made you frown and sit up a bit. "It's not a school night, is it?" Jeremy laughed and let out a low whistle. "It's Thursday night Y/N," he teased with a shake of his head. "How much have you had to drink?" Thursday night. You were supposed to have emailed Billy today but had completely forgotten. You rolled over and fished your phone out from between the cushions, opening up your email app with a frown when none of the new emails were from him. You didn't want to ignore Jeremy to write an email so you put the phone down and promised to send Billy at least a short email before you passed out. "Hey," he said from the other side of the coffee table. You sat up a bit to see that he had opened a drawer. "There's no more letters in here. You stop talking to your pen pal?" You didn't like the fact that Jeremy sounded so hopeful at that. You sniffed and shook your head. "No, we started to email. Better for the environment," you teased, an inside joke between you and Billy that you knew Jeremy wouldn't understand. He made a low humming noise and you propped yourself up on your elbows to raise an eyebrow at him. "You sure that's a good idea? You don't want to give him the wrong idea, do you?" The wrong idea? You sat up completely so that you could level him with a confused look. He looked a little like a cornered animal for a moment before he sighed and sat up straight to face you. "I just mean that soldiers overseas live in an hourglass, right? And maybe your conversations are like a lifeline but what if he gets attached to you? Or if you get attached to him? It's not like you could really have something long term, right? You always said you'd never get involved with someone in the military." You knew that he was trying to be helpful, but you didn't care. You shook your head a bit and stumbled to your feet. With a frown, you gestured to where he was sitting. "Do you need me to call you a cab or are you okay to drive?" When he didn't immediately answer, you waved your hand a bit as if to hurry him up. "C'mon Jere, I'd like you to leave but I'm not going to make you drive if you're drunk. Do you need a cab?" He blinked and shook his head. Slowly he stood up, more steady than you were. He corked the wine but left it on the coffee table. You watched him put his shoes back on and grab his keys. He glanced at you and shook his head. "I'm sorry if I upset you Y/N, but–" "No, you see, an apology doesn't include the word but. There's the door," you said with a gesture to your front door, handing him the wine as you did. He took it from you with a nod. And without another word, he slipped from your house. You shut and locked the door behind him. You weren't sure why you were so angry with him, but you didn't feel any better with him gone. Bleary eyed, you stumbled over to your laptop and pulled open your email. Still nothing. You opened a new email and let your cursor hover uncertainly for a moment before you started typing. ------ Subject: Hi I miss you. I hope everything is okay. Hope I hear from you soon. ------ Your lunch was getting cold but you didn't feel like eating. You'd woken up with a killer hangover and the memory of kicking Jeremy out of your house the night before. You couldn't even fully remember what he had said, but you knew that it had been about Billy. It seemed that Billy Russo was one thing in your life that you weren’t going to compromise on.

You also knew that you'd sent an email but you couldn't remember one hundred percent what it had said. With a groan you pulled out your phone to check your email. There was one new email and you heart sped up to see the familiar name. Billy! It'd been almost two weeks since his last email. RE: Hi I'm sorry I was gone for so long. We've been on the move for the last two weeks and I didn't have time to let you know that I would be gone. I loved coming back to all of those emails though. I missed you. I'm sorry if I worried you. B You quickly read the email you had sent before sighing at finding that it wasn't as embarrassing as you'd been expecting. If he noticed that it had come at almost one in the morning, he didn't say anything about it. Knowing that he probably wouldn't get your response any time soon, you typed up a quick email to tell him that you hadn't been very worried, just hoped that he was okay. As you hit send, you couldn't help but dwell on the guilt that you felt about lying to Billy. You had been worried about him. Every day that went on you just tried not to go insane when you didn't get a response. Every email that went unanswered was another worry. Would you ever find out if something had happened? How would you know? He could die and you may never know. He'd just stop emailing one day and you'd be left to wonder for the rest of your life. You pushed your cold lunch to the far side of the table as you tried to swallow down the truth. And the truth was simple. Your feelings for Billy were a lot more than friendly. ------ “Hey Evan,” you said as you settled down across from the headstone. “Sorry I haven’t been by in a while but it’s been busy.” You traced the familiar letters and numbers with your eyes, that familiar sorrow burning in the pit of your stomach. He shouldn’t be here in this cemetery. He should be living a glorious life and driving you insane and... And telling you if you were making a mistake with Billy or not. “Do you remember how you once told me that I shouldn’t fall for a military guy? I know that you said it because you were talking about your friend Jake, but I kind of wonder if maybe you had a point.” Slowly you told the story of how you met Billy. You didn’t pull any punches; Evan wasn’t really there to judge you or make faces when you got a little too starry eyed. “I don’t know how I feel yet,” you said quietly as you messed with the petals of the flowers you had brought with you. “And I definitely don’t know how he feels.” The stone before you was silent as always. You smiled and pressed your fingers against the granite and let out a sigh. “I always used to go to you when I had questions. It wasn’t just that you were my big brother, although that helped. I went to you because you never made me feel stupid or naive. I could use that presence in my life now.” You bit your lip and looked away from the headstone. There were a few other people in the cemetery and you watched them move around. There was an older couple that reminded you of your parents. The man was helping his wife bend down to place flowers on a grave not far from where you were. “I guess my question is how will I know if it’s real? If it’s right?” You looked at the ever silent headstone and sighed. With one last brush of your fingers, you stood up. “I guess I’ll just have to figure it out the hard way.”

X

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[sakuralychee]

Guardians of Light and Foretellers: Personalities and Battle Style

It’s something that’s probably has been not only my mind, but a lot of people’s mind. While it’s not confirmed, I believe that there’s a member in the Guardians of Light that have some if not a lot of traits similar to one of the Foretellers. Because it’s bothered me, I tried my hand at an analysis to compare one of the members to the Guardians of Light to the Foretellers. I’m actually not the best observer and I probably made some mistakes so I apologize in advance and you can correct me. This is actually my first time actually ever doing this so if possible, I would love to write more on not just their personalities but maybe their weapons and color palettes(Though someone might have already done it). It is a very long analysis but I hope you are ready to read through it all. 

Riku and Ira: I believe you can call both Riku and Ira naturally born leaders. They have both the skills, knowledge, and leadership to be able to be the top of their game. Especially when you see in the beginning of KH, Riku is basically holding the group together from slacking off and actually making the raft and the Master of Masters directly told Ira to take over leadership because he believes he has the most qualities of it. They are both very observant and is very quick to pick up small details that pertain to the bigger story. I believe it’s most obvious seen when Riku quickly picks up the situation and the theory on the parallel differences in Traverse Town and for Ira, as stated by the Master of Masters, he analyzes the Book of Prophecies thoroughly, indicating that he does not want to miss a single detail. Though, one of their biggest flaws is that they are quick to assume before actually confirming. For Ira, when the Chirithy Nightmare incident occurred, he quickly thought that it was one of the foretellers was the traitor and that traitor held the lost page without second thought, and immediately guessed Aced to be the traitor due to his actions. For Riku, he was influenced by Maleficient and even though he knew Sora longer and was his best friend, due to his insecurities I guess, he thought Sora abandoned him, didn't care about Sora, and only cared about his 'new friends'. 

They only made assumptions based on what they're told rather than seeing the answers for themselves. They grow suspicious first before trusting. Though you see Ira somewhat getting out of the assumption as he wants to prevent the war, he does forgive Aced in some ways, and accepts as a comrade again, though it lead to his demise as Aced once again raised his blade against others due to his ideals and betrays Ira once more. 

Riku also did suffer by the long run but after he sees his mistake, you do see him walk through the path to the light through his redemption arc. Basically Riku got the long end of the stick for this. They are both balanced magic and melee users, but I believe they focus a bit more on the melee rather than magic. They both utilize light attacks, though due to Riku having experience with darkness, he uses dark type spells as well. 

Aqua and Invi: Invi and Aqua are the ones who are the most composed and the one who keeps the group together. Both of their masters ordered them to observe and only take action when necessary, usually being on a neutral stance, though only following orders would lead to their downfall. They both are mainly magic users as well, and are known to be the most proficient out of the group with magic. Also the fact that they both fought the other counterpart, Terra/Aced because of their clashing ideals, and it can be noted in that battle that Aqua/Invi supports the Master while Terra/Aced to some extent questions and goes against their Master’s intentions. I feel that they have not shown Invi enough though since it seems she gets the least amount of appearances in both the movie and KHX itself for me to analyze her completely so I apologize it’s so short.

Terra and Aced: Aced and Terra are close minded people due to their background of only having influence of their master. Though I'm not entirely sure about Aced, Terra has only been taught by the Master's teaching and you can kind of see how secluded he was, especially since Eraqus was such an idealist that Light is the only path. They both go against their master's teachings and follow to what they believe was right (though Terra did it more to protect his friend Ventus while Aced actually went against Gula from this) I can see that both ultimately fell to their demise due to such ideals, falling to darkness as their search for power. Even though they are both honest, the difference between the two is Terra is much kinder and sees the better of people (having a really trusting to the point of gullible nature, trusting even Xehanort while Aced sees the worst of people and assumes the worst, attacking his own allies from an action that does not follow his own ideals.) Their fighting styles are also really similar since they both rely on brute force and heavy physical damage dealers. They both use the ground to their advantage, as Terra is most proficient in ground element and Aced is able to use spatial and create rifts, especially towards the ground. 

Gula and Ventus are a bit harder to discern but I think I am able to see some similarities. They have some level of playful personality, though more noticeable in Ven when he teases Zack, Gula does tease Aced regarding his appearance. This might be a bit far fetched however the master told Gula not to trust anyone in order to find the traitor which is a bit similar to Ven's situation where he was envying Skuld and Ephemer about their friendship which makes me think that he was most likely lonely and didn't really have trust to make friends. Also there's an opposite effect that Gula has not trusted Aced and deems his as a traitor due to his actions and influence of Invi who convinces him to while Ventus trusts Terra to make the right choice despite him falling to darkness and stays on his side, defending him and even going against Aqua throughout the whole game. Though this can be defended for their different actions because how Aced and Terra have opposite personalities when faced with their own obstacles. So while they are not as similar as the others, their opposite actually make them quite similar to each other. Also they are both reliant on speed and their elements are related to such fast motion as well, lightning and wind, also something to note that there is a Japanese myth of the Kami duo that are always paired together, the God of Lightning and Wind. (I might discuss it more if I ever try my hand on other analysis like their weapons itself.)

I think Kairi and Ava have a lot of similarities and it's pretty obvious, I feel like it all started with these 2 for similarities. First off, they are both very kind individuals, outgoing, and not afraid to speak their minds. You can honestly see why they are on the side of light, protecting those that matter and will not hesitate to sacrifice themselves in order to protect it (Kairi hugging Heartless Sora from other heartlesses and Ava protecting Gula from Ira) (hey there's the slight Sora/Gula comparison~) They both see people for who they are rather than what they're labelled (Kairi is able to see through Sora and Riku when they were a heartless/Ansem and Ava recruits anyone who has their heart in the right mind no matter what union they are in). 

They rather trust than doubt, as you can see that Kairi is able to forgive Lea rather than condemn him for kidnapping her (she has every right to hate him but still chooses to trust him and befriend him despite everything) and Ava is the last to believe (or she doesn't at all) that Aced is the traitor people speak of (even though the other Foretellers believe him to be such) and even though Luxu says and evidence points as such, she had a hard time believing the Master to support the Keyblade War. I think they have a flaw, though not really noticeable, and that's being afraid of change. For Kairi, it shows in the beginning before they set off, telling Sora to never change, to be the same Sora that she recognizes. In Ava's case, she tries to follow the Master's teachings as much as possible and anything other than that, she believes will just worsen the situation. 

Though at the end, they both believe that doing such will not solve anything so they instead vow to take action instead. (Kairi, instead of being instructed to wait by Sora, goes off and jumps into a dark portal without hesitation if it will lead to Sora and Riku. Ava, being curious on the events of Keyblade War, tracks down Luxu to find the truth and gets out of her comfort zone by attacking him when she does find out.) They are not planning to bat an eye to conflict and would rather face it head on rather than running away, Kairi willingly becomes a Keyblade wielder once she finds out she's able to use a keyblade, (and fights Heartless to protect Sora!) even though she's one of the only Princesses of Heart and while Ava did create the Dandelions so they could avoid the Keyblade War, she herself throws herself into the War since she has the sense of duty to participate in it, especially since it cannot be avoided. 

They also have a bit of a childish side to them, the ability to tease their comrades, Kairi teasing Sora in her first lines of KH for slacking off and Riku for acting like Sora in II.8, Ava teasing Aced with Gula for having such a frightening personality and utilize his bear to growl. 

For fighting wise, they have the ability to use healing spells and is able to use light spells but I'm not entirely sure if Ava is able to that's up in the air. while Kairi is not able to use illusion like spells like Ava, I believe Namine has that ability (seen in CoM where she disguises as Kairi to save Riku). But if we were to compare Namine to Ava, that's going to be a whole section (and there's theories up in the air about it so I'm a bit too tired to discuss... Sorry..I might add the discussion with the ones that exists if I am able to find out more information.) 

Thank you for reading this long analysis and if there’s any mistakes, don’t be afraid to fix it! I may not be the best person but I hope that people enjoyed reading this! 

[angelspigeon]

Are you familiar with Digimon? Because Coronamon and Lunamon would be the perfect partners for Lea and Isa

Hi!!

I didn’t know those Digimons (I stopped to watch it after the second or third generation I think?) but it was so fun to go back in the fandom I used to watch/be in when I was a kiddo!!

I did my best to adapt it and I hope this will please you!!!

Words: 3112

AO3 door => |   °|

Time had settled on Twilight Town. It was time the teenagers were expected to be on their room, and preferably sleeping, so Lea and Isa were on the couch in the living room. Lea was hugging his lover while watching TV and Isa was reading one of the mountains of books he wanted to read since so long. The mountains of said books was those he wanted to read since he was a child. And time just had added more and more…

They shouldn’t have heard the slightest sound, except for the TV, but they heard something coming from the stairs…

Lea turned his head and saw Naminé walking toward them, seeming a bit annoyed. She knew the rules and would always do her best to follow them. She was always calm and silent… and so, seeing her that way brought question to them.

“Something is wrong?”

“I… This will look weird,” she said as she walked toward them. “I need your help.”

“That ain’t weird,” Lea replied.

“For now… I can feel that something is wrong in a World… But it’s not a common World. And it needs your help as soon as possible,” she explained.

“What are you saying?” Lea wondered. “And why us?”

“From all the people I know you’re the one who will do the less… damage?” she tried to explain. “This World is…”

Naminé tried to explain herself but it was hard for her. She loved Lea and Isa but there still reminded her the hard time they passed together. And with Isa, who had turquoise eyes now but still a strict look, it was sometimes hard to try to talk. Disappointing him or irritating him seemed the worst…

She twisted her hands before approaching them.

“After what happened in the Oblivion Castle, Sora lost his memories and his Diary had been erased. But from my name, they managed to enter a strange world full of Datas and answers. That’s because of that place the King Mickey was able to know about Xion but also Ventus and the others,” she explained.

“The Data!World? I heard about it,” Lea said. “It’s thanks to this place Xion is here?”

“Partly,” Naminé replied.

“It’s enough for me for us to go there! But how do you know?”

“I still have so bond with this World, thanks to the Replica and Jiminy,” she said.

She was still twisting her hands, still embarrassed.

Isa closed his book and got up to come to her. She stepped backward once, still smiling and hoping Isa wouldn’t badly react.

“You don’t have to worry, Naminé. We will go and help you.”

“Thank you.”

She smiled slightly.

Lea approached them and leaned a little. “Why wouldn’t you hug each other?” he smiled.

Isa was about to say ‘no’, not being very good with hugs and affections except if you were tall and with bright red hairs, but he saw Naminé opening her arms and so, he accepted to hug her. Quite tenderly.

She thanked him, snuggling just a little…

Lea smiled, looking them both.

He was happy to see them all together, being friendly and caring for the others. It was soothing and so pleasant.

“So! How do we go there?” Lea asked.

Isa took out his gummyphone, still holding the teenager. He needed to call Ienzo so he could come take care of the children. He wouldn’t leave like that!

“You have to go to see the King Mickey. It’s not like the Realm of Dream. It will be harder but maybe with a Keyblade…”

And maybe Darkness?

  When Ienzo arrived with Aeleus to take care of the children, and Naminé had received another hug and had been led in her bed, Lea and Isa left their little house to join Mickey’s Castle.

Fortunately, they were among those who would always be welcomed in the Castle. Even in the middle of the Night… And if he refused, they could go wherever they wanted to just with a move of their hand anyway…

Mickey, in his blue robe, hid a yawn in his palm.

“Is something wrong?” the Mouse asked.

“Naminé says there is something wrong with the Data!World and we want to access it,” Lea said.

“Please,” Isa added.

“The Data!World?”

The King was confused.

“How could she know that?”

“They are bond. Something like that. But the question isn’t there. Can we access the Data!World? And so you could go back to sleep.”

“Please,” Isa added.

“How would you want to do that? Last time, we weren’t able to…”

“But Maleficent went in there. It’s not impossible.”

“We have others way to achieve something,” Isa reminded.

Mickey could have protest. But he was Riku’s best friend and so, he knew how much Darkness could be a good weapon in the correct hands.

He still had doubt, to be fair. Lea was… something. And Isa used to be Xemnas’ right hand. But he also had faith in those who protected the Data!World. They had done so much… He trusted them.

“Very well. Follow me… and don’t do anything you would regret,” he smiled slightly as he moved toward the room.

“That’s what I do on a daily basis!” Lea smirked. He took Isa’s hand as they were following the Mouse, leaning in. “Except marrying you, of course.”

Isa smiled to these words and, as Mickey was walking in front of them, he kissed his cheek quickly.

Walking along the corridors, they arrived in the correct room and Mickey came to the computer to turn it on.

As he was doing it, Lea summoned his Keyblade. He pointed it out to the computer. A lock was appearing on the screen and Mickey frowned. Isa moved his hand too, sliding his fingers on Lea’s. The hole turned black at this moment and digital bugs appeared.

“Are you sure?” Mickey asked.

“Never! But let’s see!”

Lea smiled deeply to the mouse. Which showed a lot of doubt as he saw them jump in the lock, disappearing…

  Everything was alright just before and now, everything was… well quite the same but Lea and Isa’s head were so heavy…

They still had their hands linked, thought…

Isa was the first to raise up a little, sitting next to him.

“You’re doing okay?”

“Y… yeah. My head is just heavy. It’s gonna be okay, though…”

“If you need a few minutes…”

“I’m good, don’t worry. Let’s not waste more time! If we go now, we can go back home and sleep!”

“Of course, sleeping,” Isa smiled.

He took his hand and made him get up and then they walked in this strange World. They knew Traverse Town and this place totally looked like it. Nothing seemed different from their World.

In fact, with his free hand, Lea was scratching his head. Maybe he made a mistake?

It was possible.

They never tried to use their power together and he never had to travel with his Keyblade so it was something still delicate…

They needed to search a clue. But what? Sora? Some strange sprite looking?

As they searched around, they saw appear two creatures. One orange lion raising on two paws and with flames coming from him and something looking… well, it was a white creatures with four ears, two raising to the clouds, two falling and they had a lot of crescent moons on their body.

“Look! Not-Dream Eater!” Lea said with a slight relieve.

They were in the Data!World at least!!

“Hello! You’re Lea and Isa?” the lion asked.

“Isa…” Lea whispered.

“Yes, Lea?” he replied, making smile the white creature.

“The Not-Dream Eater just talked, right?”

Isa nodded.

“I thought they didn’t…”

“We are Coronamon and Lunamon,” the white creature said, showing themselves as they said ‘Lunamon’.

“We are Digimon!” Coronamon pursued. “You are in the Digiworld, you also know it under Data!World name I think, and we heard you needed help!”

“Yeah. Let’s say it’s not exactly what I expected?” Lea replied with a frown.

“What my friend…”

“Friend?” Lea repeated. “Gosh. Is it gay to have put a ring at your finger, then?”

Isa let out a little sigh. He had no difficulties to call Leaa ‘my Husband’ in front of people who knew about their wedding but it still was something in front of stranger. It was like giving away too much of their private life…

“What my husband wants to say is: we thought Sora will join us?”

Lunamon nodded and approached them. They held out their hands.

“Do you agree?” they asked.

Lea didn’t hesitate to take their hand while Isa showed more doubt. But what could they do? They were here for something anyway…

“You should close your eyes,” Coronamon said.

They complied.

And yet, they could see green flashes appear in front of their eyelids.  Hopefully, they had been warned. Isa didn’t want to imagine what it would have been if they had faced that Light.

“Are you Isa and Lea?” a voice asked.

It was a soft voice they both knew well. They opened their eyes and saw a way younger Sora than the one they knew. Well… Lea could remember very well such a young Sora. He had flashes of what he used to do for the Organization.

He still thought it was worth it.

He did it for the only one in his Heart, whatever if it was in his chest or not.

Just next to that Sora, there was a Riku, also as young at this sad time, wearing an Organization coat.

Isa looked away toward the sea throwing its waves on the beach.

Seeing him like that… Really, he couldn’t wait to come back to his little home.

“We are Lea and Isa!” Lea replied. “Glad to uh… meet you!”

“Thank you to have come. We thought we could deal with it but it was a bit… overwhelming? When Riku felt you arrived in the wrong place, we immediately sent Coronamon and Lunamon searches you!”

Sora, that Sora, was smiling with such a wide grin. You could tell he wasn’t the same than the one they knew. This one had lived things but he didn’t cross the same horror of the one they both knew. He had something… so much more innocence within him.

It was a good thing.

“I’m glad Naminé sent you here. I didn’t expect that when I asked for her help…” Riku, that Riku, said as he looked Lea. “But I’m really glad about it.”

“You?” Lea asked.

“Here is the one without who this World would be nothing,” Coronamon explained, moving their hand toward Riku.

“I’m the Diary of Jiminy,” Riku replied.

“Oh my Gosh…” Lea muttered.

“I know, I…” Riku started.

“Thank you for everything!!” Lea said, grabbing his hands with a big smile. “You did so much for us! You have no ideas! Thank you so much!! I’m your debtor forever! Got it memorized?” he asked.

The Diary showed surprise  but slightly nodded.

“Anyway… the World had been attacked by Cy-bugs. We have to destroy them. We managed to lock them in a part of this World but they can absorb everything they want… I can’t go there because if something happened, the whole World would be destroyed. And Sora is the key to your World. We have to protect our World and your World. I don’t think the Cy-bugs can absorbs what is something else than Data. So, I contacted Naminé because I don’t think the World we have locked them in will be enough… They reproduce extremely fast…” Riku explained.

“We can take care of that!” Lea replied.

“You did the right thing and, as my husband said, we are your debtors as long as you need us.”

“We will bring you there!” Coronamon said.

Isa crouched next to them.

“Those Cy-bugs can’t absorb you? I believed you belonged to this World.”

“It’s right,” Lunamon said. “We can be absorbed but someone has to bring you there.”

“And we’re not that important, don’t worry!” Coronamon continued. “There are plenty of us.”

“Each of you are unique,” Lea protested. “Got it memorized?” he added with a sad tone as he saw the doubt in the blues eyes.

“Yes, Sir.”

“You can call me Lea, ya know?” he smiled.

“Got it memorized!!” Coronamon replied with a once of joy.

“Come,” Isa invited, holding out his arms with a slight hesitation.

The flaming creatures came in his arms and Isa got up as Lea held out his hand to Lunamon. The Digimon took his hand and so, he lifted them and put them on his shoulder with a soft smile.

“What are you exactly?” Isa wondered. “You are a Digimon, you said, but you look like a… rabbit?”

“Yes! I’m a bunny!”

“So cute!” Lea smiled.

Lunamon smiled back. “Let’s do it!! Close your eyes?” they asked.

They complied immediately.

The second after, they could hear the sound of wings moving quickly. Lea opened his eyes first, though Isa followed soon after, and they could see… so many big bugs. They had big eyes and something strange, almost threatening…

They could understand they all wanted to get rid of them.

They were so much.

And if they absorbed everything… okay, Isa wasn’t for the destructions of bugs when they were just a nuisance but if they became dangerous, he could understand.

And Naminé asked it to them so…

When they saw them, the bugs turned toward them and all together, they started to move toward them.

“Tear shot!”

Lunamon screamed from Lea’s shoulder. They concentrated power in their antenna and water jumped from it, landing on bugs, exploding them.

“Okay! I think this will be funny!” Lea said. “Less than our honeymoon,” he added with a wink to his lover.

His Keyblade appeared between his fingers and he moved his other hand as fire merged from him.

“HOLY SHOOT!!” Coronamon screamed.

A ball of Light came from the little lion and exploded in a burst of beam and fire.

“And what are you up?” he asked to Isa who still held him out.

Isa only held him with one arm as he let appear his Claymore.

“Ah! Perfect!” Coronamon commented at the exact moment he saw the big weapon swirl in the place.

The bugs were immediately throwing around, the creatures shredding and falling in the floor.

“Corona Flame!” Coronamon let out.

Concentrating his power, he threw flames on the corpses, making them vanish…  

“It’s going to work!’ the little lion said happily.

But this wasn’t done anyway!

There were so many Cy-bug, you couldn’t see a thing. And if the World were smaller in this place, that didn’t make them as little as just a big room. They still had a lot of job. And have to keep their focus every second…

  How much time did they fought?

It seemed to be endless.

Lea had talked about sleeping but at this rate if he could have just a quick nap, that would be good…

It remained still so much Cy-bugs…

And some came back, no?

“It will never be over…” Lea breathed out.

“It’s not your kind to be so pessimist…” Isa replied, throwing his Claymore in another big bug.

And yet, he didn’t feel the moment…

The last time Lea, well Axel, had to deal with too many enemies at once… Maybe he should make sure he wouldn’t come to such end?

There were no Moon here but maybe he could react to all those crescents on Lunamon and just… free what he didn’t want to free anymore.

Since he was Human, he made sure to never go Berserk again because he didn’t know how bad it could go… Usually, his Berserk mode only stopped in case of important wound or worse… so…

Should he try?

That seemed to be their last option so…

Lea let flames came out from him, pushing back a fair amount of Cy-bugs. But was it fair if it still remained so many of them?

“Lea, if something happens. I want you to know…” Isa started.

“What?” he breathed out. “Nothing will happen.”

On Lea’s shoulder, Lunamon shouted an attack move and syringes of Darkness bounced out of their little claws.

“Lea…”

“He’s right!” Coronamon said. He jumped from Isa’s arm, throwing another exploding light. “We will have them!!”

He jumped on the floor and screamed out a:

“Coronamon digivolve to…”

Under their eyes, the little lion became a big winged lion, more frightening but also holding way much power. Ready to unleash it on the bugs…

“Firamon!!”

“What the… ?” Lea smirked out of a slight nervousness.

Isa casted a ball of fire on one Cy-bug. He wasn’t that impressed. He had worked for too much with Xemnas anyway…

“Come,” Firamon said to Lea.

Which couldn’t help to smile before making appear his chakrams. He was still able to transform his Keyblade and threw it on those flying pests so he lent one of them to Isa.

If they attacked from the sky and the ground on the same time, and with such power…

“I trust you, Coronamon,” Lea said before climbed on the back of the Beast.

The second after the wings moved and they set off. The bugs could only pray for their souls if they had some because a fiery apocalypse was calling them.

“Do you want me to Digivolve?” Lunamon asked.

“Only if you want to. I can amplify your darkness power if you prefer.”

Lunamon jumped on his shoulder. Isa could feel a little bit of Moon power and knew he would now be able to destroy all this bugs more easily now. It wasn’t a Berserk form and sure wouldn’t be able to unleash a power enough to end the problem… but it was better than nothing.

Together, they could deal with what Firamon and Lea wouldn’t be able to destroy.

  Lying on the floor, Lea was breathing heavily.

That was intense!

“No more!” Lunamon said with a happy tone. “We got them all!”

“Oh my God…” Lea replied. “Please, next time, don’t call us!”

Hearing those words, Coronamon, having back his little form and being on Lea’s belly, seemed sad.

“It doesn’t mean what it seems to mean,” Isa said, seeing this face. “We would be happy to come again. And for any problems.”

“But this one was really a tuff one,” Lea sighed. He sat on the floor and caressed Coronamon’s head. “But, yeah, we would be happy to come anytime!”

“Amazing!!” Coronamon replied before hugging him.

Lea smiled and hugged him back.

He would really be glad for more visits. But now, he needed to sleep. And know how his children were doing!!

For those who doesn’t know those Digimon and didn’t want to search, here are the cuties!!