#it’s a lot different in the series I’m addicted as I love the story but I don’t adore the changes

[dumbledorathexplora]

I need to see lestat watch Louis cheat with armand the same way he cheated with antoniette I need to see it nOw

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Screw everything else inject On1y into my damn veins

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Aug 2024 Week 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) eps 5-6 of 12 - Extreme introvert dealing with a very hot, very drunk, very affectionate extrovert was an excellent experience all around. “I was drunk and talking out of my ass, but I wasn’t lying” maybe one of the world’s greatest confessions. How meta that he’s checking out the book of the story that he’s in. Carry on boys, very enjoyable, very Thai BL.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 12 fin - It’s cute. They are all very cute. I do like it when high school BL gives us a coming out sequence. I know it’s old-fashioned, but it’s a trope that goes with this particular setting really well, and I just like it when it’s done nicely. I’m not sure I needed it to totally dominate the final episode of the series. But it was fine.

I gotta say, Fourth is an absolutely outstanding actor. He really did knocked it out of the park in this last episode especially. 

In conclusion:

It was fine and it was charming, but it was also a little lackluster. Thailand managed to take one of Japan's softest cutest most bonkers BLs in recent memory and make it softer and cuter and... dull. They did this by watering it down. JBLs almost always have an edge to them, even the rom-coms, by dulling the edge, MLMU lost a great deal of the sparkle and tension as well. What an office setting managed to mostly maintain in the consummate hands of TayNew felt somewhat lackluster when handed off to the next generation and a high school setting. Cherry Magic was a lovely reinterpretation, Mix Up was an amateur's watercolor rendition of a colorful oil painting. Am I being harsh? G4 tried their best, and Fourth turned in some outrageously good acting in the latter half. But the show? It was fine. If you like water colors and you haven't seen (and loved) Kieta Hatsukoi. 8/10

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 8 fin - This was the first hint we got that the lead's relationship was anything more than sexual. And it was utilized for a breakup?! JJ and Wan's friendship is the best thing about this show. PWan selling JJ out to Methas was great. I was modestly delighted by the big fuck off ownership engagement ring. I admire a boy who likes to mark his territory with bling. I actually thought this was a decent final episode. If very rushed. I know, in general this ending was objectively weak, but I grinned the entire time, so I can’t really complain that much.

Final thoughts?

A story about a kid who infiltrates a cooking competition under false pretenses and then has to deal with the consequences when he falls in love with the head chef. The side couple is a poor little rich boy meets physical therapist (morality chain). The core friendships are excellent and the chemistry cannot be faulted across the (charcuterie) board. What this show lacks in substance it makes up for in health code violations. It was all chili all the time. Considering that the plot centered on betrayal but the romantic relationship never sweetened enough to balance that bitterness; one could be forgiven for throwing this one in the compost. But I got over all its weaknesses in flavor balancing for an ultimately satisfying meal, with a great dessert course. I've always loved spicy food. Plus the blooper reels were fantastic. 8/10

Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 2 of 10 - I like the side couple a lot. It’s nice to see that dynamic developed (as it wasn't in the CBL version). Of course, Thailand leans into a secondary couple, but I also like the super popular jock + geeky boy who couldn’t care less. You know what? I’m actually really enjoying this. And yes, I AM biased because it's August. (Wait, that could be taken several different ways this month. But you know what I mean.) Anygay, this is a lot softer than the original, and so Hero is much more of a pining character and less harsh. But I'm still enjoying it. I like the stepbrothers trope (we don’t get it very much from Thailand), and I enjoy the beats and pulses of this particular story. We will see if it derails into inconsequence and lack of conflict the way My Love Mixup did.  

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 11 of 12 - I’m enjoying this show but it should’ve been just 10 eps. It’s feeling bloated at this juncture. That said, I loved our little GL kiss. Very pretty. I also really like the bit with Sam and Yo flirting with each other. Sam trying to get Yo to call him P'Sam was fucking brilliant. And then slipping in all of those nongs. Delightful. Linguistic negotiation, it's what's for dinner... along with Sam's d**k apparently. I frankly did not think they would take this couple that far. So, thank you very much everybody involved.

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 4 of 12 - I do enjoy watching Yim freak out and fall in love all over again. The reality is still better for me than the fantasy parts, but it’s all fun enough. The magic mushrooms bit was odd. In fact, there is definitely a core tenor of ODD going on with the show. Which I’m accustomed to from Japan but I’m not really sure about from Thailand. Thus I remain engaged but suspicious of this BL. 

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 6 of 12 - Yu wants to take his baby on a trip, gets thwarted by his younger brother. Ouch. I really do think it’s time for Ai to tell Yu what’s going on with his dreams! Drunken boyfriend bolster pillow is a fav trope of mine. As usual, I’m catching second lead syndrome. What? I liked the rich boy badminton player. And then he picked up a guitar. Oh well.

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 8 of 12 - No one cares about the hets. He was jelly? Cute. Also kinda an arse, by hey this is BL. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) eps 1-2 of 12 - announced in 2023, high school, stepbrothers, and is reputed to be high heat. Based on a novel Mou Mou + the Your Name Engraved Herein team.

ARE YOU READY? I'M GOING TO NOT SO QUIETLY LOSE MY DAMN MIND

This is old-school BL and it’s bloody fantastic. Tsundere seme to beat all tsundere (smartest + tallest + bestest at everything but people) meets socially-ept cutie smart-ass protag.

They living together by end of ep 1 and start kissing by end of ep 2.

There is an Unknown quality to this, and that I love. Also, and ironic to say this while Addicted Heroin Th is airing, but this REALLY reminds me of Addicted. It’s so fucking good. I am all in on this show. Shut up while this eats my life.

Cosmetic Playlover (Japan Tues Gaga) eps 5-6 of 8 - Of course! The POV shift to the seme character at ep 5! How could I forget? Japan loves this beat! AND.... The running of the gays. And a use of a first name! So darling. Also some crazy great communication and conversation that is NOT a hallmark of Japan. Sahashi is so very possessive. I loved the switch that went on in his brain and the mania in his eyes when he thought someone else was interested in Natsume. I continue to love this.

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - I’m never going to like Maya. Sorry. And the leads were separated for most of this episodes so it was largely disappointing. I did like the insight into the way T sees the world, and sees the alienation of a disability and what it's dong to his friend. It’s very empathic. He’s such an appealing character in his obtuse bull-headed way.

Seoul Blues (Korea Fri? YouTube) ep 2 of 8 - It’s intriguing, and I'm happy to have anything from Korea on my dash. But, like Blue Boys, I’m not entirely sure if I like it or not.

First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) eps 3-4 of 12 - This may be Taiwan but I’m still in the "no singing" camp. I’m getting a slightly better chemistry feel off the leads in this episode. I’m not sure if they’re keeping it stiff because the younger character is under age or if it’s just that the actors aren’t there yet? (In other words is this a directing choice or a performance issue?)

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - I've finally come down firmly on the fact that it’s the uneven power distribution (in terms of interest and enthusiasm for the relationship) that I dislike about this show. Generally, I like a power dynamic differential, kinky and all that. But this particular dynamic, when it’s the weaker personality that’s so much more into the stronger one? I never like it, unless it engages a serious pivot at some point. (See My Personal Weatherman or Takara & Amagi.)

It's airing but...

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun grey) ep 3 of 10 - I was really loving this one but I can't find ep 3 anywhere so I guess I gotta wait it out. I hope I get to see it eventually.

4 Minutes (Sat Gaga) eps 1-6 of 8 - Gaga picked this one up so we can watch it there. If I have time, I'll get caught up and put it into rotation.

In case you missed it

Meet You at the Blossom (China) - I'm eating crow, binging the fucker, and live blogging.

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer IS COMING IN SEPTEMBER!!!! (Yeah this is gonna sit here until then).

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Coming Next Month:

The Time of Fever (Korea)

9/1 Live in Love (Thai)

9/3 Happy of the End (Japan)

9/6 Kidnap (Thai)

9/7 The Hidden Moon (Thai)

9/9 Jack & Joker (Thai)

9/14 Love Sick 2024 (Thai)

9/17 Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan)

More deets next week. It's late and I'm tired.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

It was pretty. I am very shallow.

Even more pretty. Petition to have Tenon with his shirt off and hair back in every subsequent Thai BL? Just because.

(SunsetXVibes)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

[aurorawritestoescape]

Surprise self-rec time! Pick 3 things you’ve written that you are most proud of/were the most challenging to write and share them here, then if you’re so inclined (no pressure) put this in the inbox (anonymously or not) of your fellow writers to spread the positivity and help celebrate everyone’s hard work 😘😘

Thank you for the ask, baby!😘I talked about my favorites here so I’ll focus on the most challenging stories now🩷

🌺 Good Girl - Professor Joel Miller x f!reader.

Summary: you get caught in the rain on your way to Professor Miller’s house and your lesson gets derailed.

I spent the longest time writing and editing this fic and the story was constantly changing in my head. The initial idea was actually a non-con fic which is insane, considering that in the end I wrote my softest Joel ever. It was also challenging bc I expressed a lot of my own fears and thoughts through reader and as a result I felt quite vulnerable, posting it. I’m happy and grateful that the story received positive feedback and became my most popular fic which was my biggest surprise🙏🥹

🌺 Addicted - Max Phillips x f!reader

Summary: Max gives you everything you need but can you stop when the pleasure gets addictive?

It took part in @iamasaddie ‘ Kinky May challenge and got Max (love you, Aly😘) I’d never written him before that and I had many many MANY ideas, started writing three different fics but none of them was THE ONE. For a week all my thoughts were about Max, frankly I was going insane😅 But one night I listened to Tear you apart by She Wants Revenge and it all came to me- the vibes, the story, the characters. I wrote it in one night and finally could breathe again😄

🌺 Part 6 of Bad Blood - step uncle Joel Miller x f!reader x stepdad Tommy Miller

Summary: a month after Joel exposed your relationship with Tommy, the Miller brothers pay you a visit and your feelings come to the surface.

I should start by saying that unfortunately I’m not good with series. Both writing and reading. I’m a one shot girlie through and through. That’s why I’m extra proud that I wrote the final part of this/any series. (yes, there’s also gonna be an epilogue👀) Part 6 wasn’t easy to write. The love the series has got and keeps getting makes me very happy but I felt pressure, writing the chapter, bc I didn’t want to disappoint my readers. I hope I didn’t❤️

And I’d love to add that I wouldn’t be able to overcome all my fic writing troubles if not for my twin, my love, my most supportive beta @milla-frenchy 😍😍😍 She has to listen to my whining daily so I’m sending her a big Joel hug and a Javi forehead smooch🫂😘

Also 💖thank you💖 to all my readers for all the love and support!🥹 If it were an Oscar speech they’d start playing me off by now😅 LOVE y’all!

[lifeafterartsch00l]

My fav sns smut

or some of it anyway

If Naruto x Sasuke fking nasty is your ☕️

I tried to find all these beloved authors to tag them, but I couldn’t find them all, if you know who they are, plz tag them! Let’s share the ❤️

In no particular order

Healing the Broken by KizuKatana

When people tell me about smut they read in printed books I’m like

Because it’s fics like these that amaze me with their ingenuity, creativity, originality, and boldness 🔥🔥🔥

AKA

This fic isn’t just PWP (although that’s fine too in my book), it’s so well written with character development, action & romance ❤️‍🔥 Predators by the same author is also excellent 👌🏽

Thx u @kizukatana 😊

“Chapters: 23/23

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Underage

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke

Additional Tags: Angst, SPOILERS MANGA CHAPTER 693, Drug Use, sex during drug use, Canon-Typical Violence, canon!sasuke, canon!naruto, Addiction, Slash, narusasunaru, Fix-It, my version of how it should have ended, Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, NSFW, Smut

Series: Part 1 of HTB universe

Summary: The war is over, and Sasuke is brought back to the village after his defeat by Naruto. But he is struggling to re-assimilate into the village. As his mental stability continues to erode, Tsunade and Kakashi ask Naruto to try a different treatment method. Naruto x Sasuke (slash - boy x boy). Post manga chapter 693.

Warning: Hard Yaoi (Boy x Boy) language, angst, mental illness, substance abuse, masturbation, eventual sex. Not appropriate for young readers. 18+

Disclaimer - As with everything I write on this site, I don't own the characters (Kishimoto does), and I make no money. My only payment is in reviews.

Spanish Translation by Linme (thank you!) “

[doujinshi] My Lost Himawari by SouthNorthSound

Me, to the artist (and English translator) of this visually stunning and well written doujinshi -

Seriously. It’s amazing. The visual metaphors. The angst. The way the artist can simply draw a single panel of a close-up Uchiha eye that is so outrageously sultry and sexy I don’t understand 🥵 one of the extra chapters unlocked something in me (the dream one). Bonus that it’s also really funny & has a lot of respect/empathy for its women characters too! If anyone knows who this artist plz let me know I would like to follow them until the end of the world ❤️ the ending healed me 💔

EDIT HOLY S*** GUYS I FOUND THE TRANSLATOR & ARTIST ON TUMBLR

Thx u @southnorthsound 😭❤️🫡🙇🏻‍♀️

Thx u @gigihorseinthehouse 😭 I love you I low key think you’re a genius ok sorry bye 👉🏽👈🏽

"https://archiveofourown.org/works/36581581

[doujinshi] My Lost Himawari by SouthNorthSound

Chapters: 60/60

Fandom: Naruto, Boruto: Naruto Next Generations

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, Hyuuga Hinata, Uchiha Sarada, Uzumaki Boruto, Uzumaki Himawari, Hatake Kakashi, Nara Shikamaru, Temari (Naruto), Nara Shikadai, Akimichi Chouchou, Gaara (Naruto)

Additional Tags: Fanart, Fan Comics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, SasuNaru - Freeform, NaruSasu - Freeform, Translation, Doujinshi, Fix-It, how it should have ended, Angst, If you don’t understand how they ended up like that in Boruto READ THIS, Poetic, comedic, Loyal to canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, NSFW Art, Sex

Summary: A love story consists of different perspectives and different memories. It’s about saudade / realization / entanglement / out of control / hope / restart

Chapter700 background

Warning: adult content in extra chapters

Fan comics, doujinshi. It's highly recommended to read it on big screens such as iPad or PC. So you can see details about their facial expressions

One of the best Naruto fanart I’ve ever seen. So I translated it ❤”

Inevitablity by Sanauria_Maldhun

If the answer is

A) Yes

B) Kinda

C) Mind your own business rando internet pervert

Congrats all answers are correct = GO READ IT PLZ

Possessive & desperate 🥵 super gay, delicious angst, really hot 🔥 very enjoyable - fun tropes, everything hits just right, utter perfection ❤️ I’m not saying a lot because I don’t want to give away spoilers 😍

I couldn’t find this author on tumblr, plz tag in the comments if you know who they are!

“Chapters: 4/4

Rating: Explicit

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura/Yamanaka Ino

Characters: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Yamanaka Ino, Haruno Sakura

Additional Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, (between Ino and Naruto), Mutual Pining, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Banter, Domesticity, Pining, Naruto is so in love, and doesn't know how to handle his Feelings, Jealousy, Jealous Sasuke, Jealous Sakura, Post-Chapter 699 (Naruto), Explicit Sexual Content, Anal Sex, Gay Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Bottom Uzumaki Naruto, Top Uchiha Sasuke

Summary: Naruto's stressed and pining after a man who views him only as a friend. Deciding to get married to Ino isn't the best decision he's made (ever), given that they had been absolutely drunk while making such a declaration, but it's... a decision. Besides, what does he have to lose?”

You’ve gotten into my bloodstream (a bite of his heart) by lovenmaze

Nom nom nom 😉 kidding! Not literal cannibalism, it’s a metaphor for love, and this fic is beautiful 😍 poetic & sexy. One shot. Love how Naruto talks to Sasuke in this one (and makes him talk, too, hehe…) 🥵 delicious, please go tuck into this feast ❤️ author made an excellent fic playlist too!

Thx u @lovenmaze 😊

“https://archiveofourown.org/works/56430019

Chapters: 1/1

Rating: Not Rated

Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto

Characters: Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto

Additional Tags: Cannibalistic Thoughts, Cannibalism imagery, First Time, Top Uzumaki Naruto, Bottom Uchiha Sasuke, Tender Sex, Blank Period (Naruto), Confessions, Idiots in Love, Not Beta Read, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Oral Sex, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Sex, Eventual Fluff, Fluff and Smut, they’re both crazy about each other but thats not new, Poetic, Italicized Oh Moment, cannibalism as a metaphor for love, trust me it works and its SO good, consent is sexy !!!, lowkey vampire sasuke vibes

Summary: Sasuke tries to bite softly, he’s not going to eat him, maybe get a taste. Perhaps it’s stupid, but he wants to make sure, so he does. He opens his mouth, tongue touching the skin. His body shudders, and Naruto tastes warm, like skin or flesh; he tastes alive.

“A kiss is the beginning of cannibalism.”

AKA, The tender, fluffy, first-time, cannibalism (imagery), smut NaruSasu AU. [EDITED.]”

❤️Thx all u amazing authors u make me feel like this❤️

[sashaisready]

This Must Be The Place: Chapter 9 - Say goodnight

Biker!Bucky x Femme Reader

Back at your beloved late grandmother's home to pack up her house, you have a run-in with the town's biker gang 'The Howling Commandos' and find yourself entangled with the metal armed President.

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Some smut…insecurities in reader

I’m back! I’ve been a bit caught up with work and parenting so things have been a little crazy. Hoping I should have more time coming up to dedicate to this! Apologies in advance…this is a little smut/fluff to warm us up before we get into the angst next chapter (I’m sorry) As always, your reblogs and comments mean the world – it’s lovely to see people engaging with his story!

You slugged him hard on the shoulder, something you seemed to be doing a lot lately.

“Really? That’s all you have to say?” you scolded, still slightly breathless.

Annoyed, you tensed up and began pushing against his chest to prise yourself off him. You saw the slight look of fear on his face as he wrapped his arms around you in what was essentially a bear hug – keeping himself inside of you.

“Hey, whoa! It was a joke. I’m sorry…I guess that was all kinda intense and I didn’t really know what to say,” he admitted, looking a little sheepish. “I meant to lighten the mood, not piss you off, believe it or not. That’s the last thing I want, okay?”

You softened a little as he kissed you again. It was true, despite his charm he was often clumsy with his words and misread the room. He didn’t seem to do it on purpose…so you let it go. This time, anyway.

“Alright…fine,” you relented as your muscles relaxed again. “But you don’t always have to…fill the silence, y’know? Sometimes…you can just be”.

He nodded. “I know, I’m trying,” he said gently as he moved a strand of hair from your face. “But look…that was…amazing. Just…wow”.

He laughed and you laughed too. “Wow is much better,” you giggled. “I can work with wow…”

*

The two of you continued to ‘wow’ one another over the upcoming weeks. Your place. His place. Once or twice in the back office at the bar (dangerously close to being caught when Peter knocked that second time…and Bucky angrily told him he was too busy doing the books when actually you were on your knees in front of him…)

His touch was addictive. You didn’t think you’d ever get enough. Even little things like him subtly brushing a finger over your lower back as he passed, or leaning over and pressing himself into you as he went to grab a drink from the bar, seemed to get you going. He knew exactly what he was doing too, shooting you a little wink or smirk each time. He liked to keep you on edge.

Neither of you had raised if you were going to go ‘public’ with your little arrangement. You didn’t want to bring it up, not wanting to appear needy or to want a ‘what are we?’ type conversation. You did tell Wanda and Vis, there were your only real friends here outside of the MC and you didn’t like the idea of lying to them about how you were spending your evenings. They had been surprised, and Wanda had warned you to be careful – she told you Bucky’s reputation was based on two things – whatever sketchy shit he had going on behind the front of his businesses, and the copious amounts of women he landed. Neither of which was a shock to you, but you were grateful for her cautioning.

If you were honest, the secret nature of your relationship with Bucky was welcomed by you. Part of you felt a little self-conscious – like the MC would all think ‘oh, there goes another one…’ or view you differently because of it. Another silly girl getting entangled with Bucky…What else is new? Keeping things quiet meant you wouldn’t embarrass yourself when it unavoidably started to go wrong…

Plus, you didn’t really want to have to deal with any other women who had him on their radar, particularly Amber…

…Who wasn’t really around as much. Her friends still came by the bar, and she did too sometimes. But less and less so. Bucky hadn’t mentioned her, you weren’t sure if he had spoken to her or if she’d just moved on elsewhere. You didn’t think he would’ve brought you up with her, but maybe she sensed he was either pulling away or spending time with another girl.

You’d hoped she had just met a nice guy and had moved on from the MC…but there was a moment one evening where you were pouring a beer at the bar and Bucky had leaned over under the guise of picking up a box at your feet, only to whisper something salacious in your ear as he passed. You’d giggled and grinned, elbowing him away playfully, and as you looked back up you had locked eyes with Amber from across the room. You’d given her a small smile, but she just stared right back. You felt oddly under fire, as if caught out, despite the fact anyone watching the same interaction most likely wouldn’t have batted an eyelid. It was as if Amber was in tune with Bucky in a way the others weren’t, especially when a rival was concerned, and she saw through your bullshit immediately.

You’d barely seen her since that night, but maybe that was for the best. You weren’t interested in beefing with another woman over a man, especially not that woman. And that man…

Aside from Amber, the only other person you wondered who might not be fooled was Steve. He and Bucky were best friends, after all. More like brothers, as Bucky had explained to you. They had grown up together. Steve had been with Bucky through it all, been dutifully by his side when he recovered from losing his arm, ran the MC with him and stuck with him no matter what.

Even if Bucky hadn’t told Steve about you, he seemed to be more aware than some of the others. His stoic silence often was down to him surveying the scene, taking everything in. A mouse couldn’t fart in the bar without Steve knowing about it. He was the eyes and ears of the MC. He had never said anything directly to you, but there had been a few looks he gave you and Bucky that seemed pointed. His sky blue eyes said much more than he did. But maybe you were just projecting…

Thankfully, everyone else was as oblivious as you needed them to be.

Once, as you sat with a few club members to wind down after closing, Bucky had brazenly dragged his hand over your bare thigh under the table. It had been a warm and stuffy night, so you’d done your shift in a pair of denim shorts and a t-shirt. You’d discreetly raised an eyebrow at him, which quickly evolved into an expression of controlled panic as he trailed his finger across your skin before casually unzipping your fly and making his way in, moving past your underwear. You’d bitten your lip to stay quiet as he found your clit and began working you over, all the while chatting away to Bruce like nothing was happening. You tried to bat him away, but he kept coming back, and you soon caught on that people would notice if you tried any harder and made a scene as a result. You quickly understood he was counting on using your embarrassment to silence you.

And, well, damn him - it did feel good…

He didn’t look over at you once as he continued, but his fingers didn’t let up as you began to feel the familiar heat build within. You hated to admit to yourself how much it excited you. You knew how wet you were, how close you were. He knew it too, based on how he began to adjust his pace and pressure. Your entire body tensed as you realised to your horror, that in spite your discomfort, your body was about to betray you and give you a very public orgasm. As the feeling bloomed and the heat swelled, you took a large sip of your water and glanced downwards in an attempt to cover up any potential facial expressions that might give you away. You choked on the mouthful, spitting a little out down your chin as your climax hit, your shoulders shuddering.

“You okay?” Sam asked from across the table as he looked at you with concern.

You nodded bashfully, “Uh, yeah, sorry,” you croaked – still dazed and a little out of it, “Choked on my water”.

“You gotta go easy, doll,” Bucky chimed in smugly as he withdrew his hand and subtly zipped up your shorts.

You glared at him with an expressionless face, but your eyes told him all he needed to know as he defiantly smirked back at you. He then retained eye contact as he appeared to ‘absent-mindedly’ suck on the tip of his finger and pretended to listen to Nat’s conversation with Sam. You managed to suppress a squeak as you felt the warmth rush to your cheeks.

Later, to pay him back for his little stunt, you angrily rode him back at his place and edged him until he was a whiny mess begging for release. Which you gladly gave him (eventually). Then you were even. It wasn’t often you took charge with him, but you knew he enjoyed it when you did. Just as much as he enjoyed when you were the babbling wreck.

That seemed to be a large part of your dynamic, always trying to one-up each other and ‘win’. It was thrilling, exciting. It probably wasn’t healthy…but you didn’t care. This wasn’t serious anyway. It was just fun. Someone to spend the time with in-between sorting through Granny’s boxes and painting her walls. Someone to make you laugh and give you orgasms and kill time with at your bar job. Someone whose initial rule that you didn’t sleepover had lapsed when you both passed out after a particularly vigorous session. Someone whose arms you awoke in the following morning, who didn’t rag on you for sleeping over but instead kissed your crown and didn’t speak. Someone who laid with you and held you so tenderly that it silenced you, famously a smart mouth, you, too. Someone who you began to sleep with most nights, even when you weren’t working. Whose absence you felt when he wasn’t there, someone who you realised you slept better with alongside. Dreamless, deep sleep that actually felt restorative and restful and allowed you to wake feeling refreshed and ready for the day. Someone who in the early light of day would smile sleepily at you and kiss you, morning breath be damned, and pull you into him like you hadn’t just been sleeping in his arms for all those hours before.

Someone not serious.

Another time, late one night, he took you out on his bike. The feeling of the wind in your hair, the exhilaration of the speed, the warmth of his leather as you wrapped your arms around his waist…it helped you to understand why Bucky loved all of this so much. There was something very freeing about rocketing down the roads at top speeds, not shrouded in a box as you were in a car, just out in the air – free and uninhibited.

He drove you both to a hillside on the edge of town where you could see everything below. You’d sat on the grassy verge together and silently watched the lights of the buildings beneath you, thinking about all those people in their homes…going about their lives. Were they happy? Is this what they imagined their life would be?

Is this how you’d imagined yours?

Maybe.

He moved his hand over your own and kept it there, not speaking. You didn’t really need to speak when it came to Bucky. You did talk, sometimes late into the night – about your past, your passions, your disappointments and fears. He was easy to talk to, he didn’t always say the right thing but he listened intently. He remembered details and brought them up later. Being with him was just…easy. In silence or in noise.

You both sat there, hand in hand, time lost as you watched the lights below and the stars above. One by one the houses would go dark, the residents retiring to their beds as their home slept along with them. Unknowingly watched over by the two of you as you continued your silent observation. You could see Granny’s home in the distance, the porch lights on for your ease when you got home later. You wondered if Granny had ever been up here, if she’d seen her home the way you saw it now.

Bucky turned to you and smiled, leaning in and kissing you softly. Taking his time as his nose brushed against yours and the strands of his hair slipped out from behind his ears. If you’d dropped dead at that second, you knew you would be at peace.

Your stomach curled as you realised what this all meant. The inevitable fact you’d been hiding from yourself for some time.

You were in love with Bucky Barnes.

[piggledy-higgledy]

As anyone who’s been looking at my page semi-frequently will have noticed, I am a big Richard Armitage fan. Mostly in love with his portrayal of Gisborne in BBC’s Robin Hood, but I also enjoy most of his other work and consider him a very talented actor (and a very sweet person from what we can tell.)

There has been a lot of furore lately about his latest project, “Obsession” (a series unfortunately promoted as an erotic thriller by Netflix), which is a remake of 1992 film “Damage” (with Jeremy Irons and Juliette Binoche) and based on the book by Josephine Hart. He portrays William Farrow, a married, middle aged, successful surgeon, who has an affair with his son’s fiancé, Anna (Charlie Murphy) -an affair so obsessive that it costs him everything: his career, his family, his son’s life, even his own self (more on that later.) The series features a lot of sex scenes, very light BDSM elements, and a LOT of nudity from RA on a level most fans never thought we’d see (RA being famously private and modest.) The fandom has been divided over this, with some looking forward to it and some being sure it’s not for them at all. From what I can tell (and I might be wrong) most people were put off by either the copious amounts of sex (and the trailer leaned very heavily on that) or the unsavoury morals of the main characters. Which is fair, if it’s not your cup of tea, don’t watch it.

I *did* watch it, and because opinions have been so strong, I wanted to share my thoughts. No disrespect if you prefer to pass. I hope it might be helpful for anyone on the fence and still making up their mind whether to watch or not. Happy to chat more about it if anyone likes! There WILL be spoilers.

Before watching it

I have personally felt very intrigued about this series and I was excited about watching it. Not so much because of the nudity or explicit scenes -or, rather, because of them, but not in the way you might think. Richard Armitage has played very, very few roles where he was primarily the romantic lead, and none later in his career. He tends to be cast in active roles, a lot of dark, violent characters, tense action. When there is romance it’s not the main aspect being explored. And he has NEVER (with the notable exception of Between the Sheets, which was so early in his career I doubt he necessarily had much choice to turn down work) done anything close to this level of sexual screen time. Why now? What made this different? I really wanted to know.

There was another reason I really wanted to watch Obsession. What Richard Armitage does best, in my opinion, is give characters depth (even characters that were clearly not written that way *cough* *Guy* *cough*). He is an incredibly detailed actor and uses his face and eyes to a stunning degree to convey things that go far beyond the dialogue. He has spoken about how he creates complete backstories for all his characters. This project is literally made for his type of acting. There is hardly any action, and leagues of unspoken material. RA called it “one of the most fulfilling pieces of work he’s ever done”. I needed to see why.

After watching it

I binged all 4 episodes in one night. And then again the next morning. And again today. I finished the first episode and thought “Yes, I understand why he wanted to do this.” (He also said in an interview that there was a moment in one scene that he’d never achieved before on film. Having watched this, I believe him.) Is this the kind of series I’d normally gravitate to? No. But I’m glad I watched it. Every single actor was incredible. The filming was beautiful. I just… don’t know where to start.

The story:

In my opinion “Obsession” is not about infidelity or sexual exploration -it’s about William and Anna’s experience with obsession and addiction. Anna isn’t just having an affair. She is addicted to being in control and to using sex as a means of asserting that control. (We learn that she had a brother who sexually abused her for years and committed suicide when she finally put a stop to it. And throughout the series, she reacts to strong emotions by initiating sex. Charlie Murphy described the character as a “dominant submissive” and that’s spot on, not just in the way that she sets the rules and boundaries of their sexual relationship, but in the way that, having been abused, asserts her control on the situation she had to submit to as a young girl by controlling when and how she submitted). William is not just having an affair. He is obsessed and addicted to Anna to the point that it completely deconstructs him as a person. He is the counterpoint to Anna’s character, in that he has no control. He doesn’t initiate, he doesn’t resist, he can’t or won’t control his reactions or his impulses and he completely loses control of his life as a result of his actions. In the final episode Jay, the son, discovers the affair and in shock, falls off a railing to his death. There is a scene where William faces his wife after everything is revealed and watching Richard Armitage convey all those emotions without saying a word is some of the best acting I’ve seen in my life. I don’t know what part of himself RA drew from to act the guilt and grief and absolute devastation in that scene but it was… amazing and heartbreaking. Even then, the obsession wins. When Jay dies, we see Anna walking away while William cradles the body of his son, paying her very little attention. I completely believe that he is broken in the scenes that follow. But after a few days the addiction takes over and he still seeks out Anna, convinced they can now be together (“there’s no version of this with just you,” she’d told him earlier on, but he clearly thinks otherwise). And we get the following:

W: … I let uncertainty in. (NB: What is uncertainty but lack of control?)

A: And look what happened. I don’t think… we can ever separate who we are from what we’ve done.

W: But… we can’t let it all be for nothing either (NB: William’s voice breaks here. He’s lost everything he ever cared about, she’s the only thing left. Does this phrase mean he thinks there was depth in their affair? Or does it mean that he is looking for meaning and depth so that he can cope with the fact that he sacrificed everything for an obsession and an addiction?)

A: Jay died because of us.

W: Still I wouldn’t change it (TNB: THIS! This phrase upset so many viewers! And of course it did, it was supposed to. The acting is, again, amazing. This isn’t said to Anna, this is introspection. William is looking inside himself, realises he wouldn’t change it, realises how much of himself he’s lost.)

A: You don’t regret it?

W: How can I?

A: We caused so much pain

W: But it’s done now.

A: I am so sorry for what happened. But I wish we’d never met. (She walks away, leaving William sobbing. Because there. is. nothing. left.)

The sex:

I hate that this was marketed as a sexy series because it created all sorts of hype and expectations that were misplaced imo. The story was never about the sex. Morgan Lloyd Malcolm said a couple of days ago on Twitter that it’s about “sitting in the discomfort of human behaviours” and that is spot on. Like I said above, this is a story of addiction. Anna is not addicted to the sex -she is addicted to using sex for control. That’s why Anna and William never kiss (she is the one controlling their physical interactions. William leans in to kiss her in many scenes, she never lets him.) That’s why the music is so jarring in all the sex scenes. That’s why there’s no foreplay, that’s why William never lasts long. That’s why they only ever have sex on the floor or in public, never in a safe, comfortable place like a bed. They are not comfortable. This is not a comfortable situation. We, as viewers, are supposed to be uncomfortable. The infamous hotel pillow scene was meant to demonstrate the turning point in William’s addiction, the complete loss of control, I think. It was never supposed to be funny or sexy -it was meant to disturb us because this intelligent, cultured, previously collected man becomes completely animalistic. Which is why he sobs afterwards -I think this is the point when William realises that (as Ingrid puts it later) “he is lost to her”. William’s face after their first sexual encounter is the face of a man under the influence. When she gets up to leave he makes this movement with his fingers like he is trying to hold on to her, but only grabs air. It’s just a twitch -but it’s Richard Armitage and we know how detailed he is in his acting, and I am sure it was a gesture with meaning.

The intimate scenes in Obsession are sometimes sensual, sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes genuinely hard to watch but never gratuitous.

Why a fan of Richard Armitage or anyone writing for his characters should watch it:

Again, you do you, but hear me out: This series is a veritable treasure trove of body language, voice/cadence, facial expressions that you can then apply to your favourite RA character. The longing. The conflict. The loss of control. The vulnerability. The eye contact. The fact that the lover’s name is Anna, which is also my name. Also, I’m being completely serious when I say that this is some of the best acting I’ve seen him do *ever*. If you can only bring yourself to watch parts of it, do that. There were some scenes that genuinely made me tear up. Look after yourself, respect your boundaries, but sample what you can because it’s a veritable banquet.

PS: I am focusing on Richard Armitage for this review because I came to Obsession from that fandom. But every single actor gives an amazing performance. I especially adored Charlie Murphy as Anna, Indira Varma being astounding as Ingrid and the criminally underrated Marion Bailey as Anna’s mother, Elizabeth, who packs SO MUCH into so few scenes.

[sitp-recs]

Another year is almost over, and what a year this was for the Drarry community! This list is a “thank you” to everyone’s continuous patience and support during my recent break. I considered not doing anything but in the end I got some free time and didn’t have the heart to break tradition. So here it is, my last reclist of the year showing I’ve actually read A LOT in the first semester alone lol. I did my best to include different tropes and lengths, popular works and hidden gems. As a side note there are no Erised works in here, as the fest is still going on and authors are yet to be revealed. Classic disclaimer goes “pls mind the tags, this is not intended as the ultimate reclist etc etc.” It’s a personal selection based on my tastes and preferences; the idea is to celebrate these fantastic works and their beloved creators. This fandom keeps on giving and I’m so happy to be part of it. Enjoy, give these some love and see you next year!🥂

Drarry:

Without Sunshine by @sweet-s0rr0w (T, 1k) 

Trust SS to come back from a writing break with this banger, holy shit. Brilliant concept, perfect execution. I can’t believe this is only 1k, there’s so much build up and details I wanna learn more about. This tender and urgent apocalyptic AU will steal your heart with perfect vibes and the softest flower shop romance.

Receipts by @moonflower-rose (M, 2k)

Rosie never fails to blow my mind with her creative mind and brilliant sense of humor. This is the perfect bite-size snack, hilarious and so very sweet. I am obsessed with Draco & Pansy’s brOTP, their banter made me laugh out loud and we are treated with Drarry and Ginsy! Here’s your next read if you’re looking for something short, sexy and witty. You’re welcome 💅

Bright Side by @floydig (T, 2k)

Floyd is another master of short form and here’s why. This series of vignettes made my heart ache for these two broken boys finding their place - and each other - in he war aftermath. I’m impressed by how sharp, nuanced and sensorial this is. The heat! The humidity! Love the strong sense of place, it’s so intimate it feels like you’re intruding into something private and special.

Willing Blood by @lqtraintracks and @the-starryknight (E, 2k)

This iconic duo tailored a short yet intense creature fic dripping UST and gorgeous characterization as per. The way Harry and Draco are drawn by - and crave - each other left me salivating, I’m feral for their dynamics. Ultimate power couple vibes (reluctant Draco + fearless Harry make such a great match!) and great evocative 1st person POV.

The Mating Habits of Snidgets by @shealynn88 (G, 3.5k)

I can’t believe this doesn’t have more comments, such a lovely hidden gem. I found it when I needed a soft read before taking a break, and have been thinking about “am I your little bird, then?” since. Quidditch rivals to lovers is becoming my kryptonite and this story does a great job exploring what brings them together despite their social gap. The character development is so good this feels like a 30k story packed within 3.5k.

Magpie by @corvuscrowned (E, 4k)

If you ever have to choose a dark!Harry fic to read, I urge you to go with this one. His klepto characterization is so damn lush and compelling I was half terrified half turned on the whole time 😔✌🏼Thanks to Crow’s masterful and addictive writing, there’s no possible way to resist his charm when it comes with razor sharp dialogue and sexy power dynamics. Come collect my jaw on the floor pls

No Distance by @skeptiquewrites (E, 4.8k)

Is it fair to include a sequel in order to make everyone go read this fabulous verse? Who cares, not me 🤷🏻‍♀️ Tee’s way of writing Drarry always leaves me aching for this kind of love. Their longing for each other is strong but unhurried, the dialogue is fantastic (the nose piercing exchange!) and the smutty scenes hit all my boxes. The characters feel so lovely, tangible and relatable as real people. I will never get enough of this verse, no matter when or where they are, as long as they’re together.

An Emerald In The Sky by @corvuscrowned (M, 6.6k)

My favorite read of the year - as you probably already know since I haven’t stopped screaming about it. My heart belongs to this breathtaking Draco, so full of yearning and melancholy, as he falls in love with time traveller Harry and wonders if they’ll ever get to be on the same page. The astronomy motif only makes it all even more poetic and devastating (but in a cathartic, hopeful way!). This hurts as much as falling in love and I wanna wrap myself in this fic and never let go.

Per my last letter (I hope you choke on it) by @fluxweeed and @lastontheboat (T, 10k)

Possibly the funniest thing I’ve read all year, which is not surprising considering flux’s inimitable brand when it comes to humor. This epistolary slow burn is light and creative and such a delight. I got immediately attached to the characters and giggled my way through Drarry’s banter; special kudos to Harry’s amazing crew and their perfect spot-on voices. An adorable comfort fic to be revisited at all times!

Witness Marks by @gryffindorhearts (M, 15k)

After so many excellent vampire fics this year, it’s getting hard to resist this trope. Here’s a quiet and atmospheric gem that made me fall hard for clockmaker!Draco. Such an original concept! I adore the lore behind his job, his strained relationship with Lucius, the way he’s pulled towards mysterious Auror Harry. Also- the flirting and sexual tension at the Tate Magique?!! Chefs kiss

Yours Truly by @skeptiquewrites (M, 15k)

It’s getting impossible to choose a Tee favorite, my god. Go check her brilliant microfics then come feast on this stunning take on fake dating, choke-full of light humor, found family feels and wonderful world building. Smooth pacing, phenomenal cast, have I mentioned Draco’s into magical ecology?! My favorite kind of slow burn, sweet, tentative, heartwarming and so damn romantic.

Take the Moon by @tackytigerfic (M, 15k)

The perfect kid fic exists and I can prove it! Nothing leaves me aching and raw open like Tacky’s Harry with his soft, gentle yearning for hot dad Draco. I’m so in love with his love, I could actually feel my chest expand with this series of incredibly tender and precious moments of friendship, complicity and domesticity many couples will never experience. Extra bonus points for the SEXIEST non-explicit smut and the brilliant commentary on the autistic spectrum, especially related to kids. My whole kingdom for little Scorpius 👑

With Hands Full of Dusk by @corvuscrowned (E, 15k)

Yes I’m proposing to Crow after posting this because I suddenly feel exposed with 3 recs 😳 hands down the best case fic I’ve read this year, I’m obsessed with Drarry as creature hunters and the suspense-y vibes here. The slow burn is mature and thought-provoking, heavy with a deep sense of loneliness and so evocative it hit me just right. This story is sharp but also strangely comforting, a perfect read for a rainy or foggy day. I wish I could bask in its atmosphere for the first time, over and over again.

Preserving Lemons by @saintgarbanzo, art by @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm (E, 17k)

I’m so happy I found the time to check this one fic from Fan Fair because this was a truly special read, surprising in the best ways and very cathartic. The gorgeous prose finds a perfect tone between sexy and contemplative bringing food, gender, racial and political discussions together in a coherent and powerful way I wouldn’t think possible for a 17k fic. Loved seeing Harry and Draco so open and vulnerable, experiencing who they really are together. Lush, powerful and healing.

Heartlines by @sorrybutblog (T, 22k)

One of my first reads this year remains a iota fave, this was so much fun and so charming. A delightful case fic combining sentient house, Auror Harry, smitten Draco, everything we deserve. The best thing is the surprisingly clever and charming humour, it made me giggle at the most unexpected times, giving the suspense a light tone I can’t get enough of. Despite the underlying tension, this will make you smile from beginning to end.

What Makes a House a Home by @writcraft (E, 27k)

The only Drarry fic Writ writes this year ends up being a banger, figures 🙌 honestly this is a masterclass in tension building with a gorgeous take on recluse!Harry and delicious slow burn. It was so cool to learn more about this Harry through Draco’s curious eyes, as the forced proximity pushes them together. Sexy adult dynamics and compelling characters, right up my alley!

At the Doorway, On the Stair by dwell_the_brave and @p1013 (T, 30k)

I love myself a good mystery fic and this was such a nice surprise, so very spooky and immersive. The author did a fantastic job creating an intriguing atmosphere while advancing the plot, I was at the edge of my seat trying to figure things out while falling in love with “ghost” Draco as he tried to help Harry along the way. Excellent slow burn and a gorgeous setting that will lure you in!

Eager for the Sky by @oknowkiss (M, 35k)

This list wouldn’t be complete without a classic 8th year and here’s my 2022 pick by this author whose talent and range blows my mind. This fic pulled me back from my fandom break quite violently; I ate it up in one night and was immediately taken by their Quidditch rivalry and achingly sweet romance. The Drarry journey is so very wholesome it filled me with wonder and nostalgia for my teenage years. Being the multishipper I am, the brief nod to Harry/Ron at the end was just my kind of extra treat!

Rush (For A Gap That Exists) by @sleepstxtic-drarry (M, 42k)

I never thought I’d get obsessed with a F1 AU but here we are. Another incredible ride that pulled me in with impressive, detailed world building and sexual tension so insanely electric it was hard to resist. Brilliant movie adaptation keeping the Drarry dynamics recognizable with sexy and complicated UST. I’ve also loved the interesting storytelling format and exciting twists which kept me at the edge of my seat.

Heal Thyself by astolat (T, 47k)

This fic requires no introduction, I imagine everyone has read it by now. Once again Astolat slaps us in the face with her superior storytelling skills, effortlessly building this rich and compelling magical healing universe told from this brilliant Draco POV. His arc is a triumph, his voice perfectly spot-on, sharp but charming, proud and bratty and competent in ways that made me very emo. This has become an instant Healer!Draco classic and has one of my all-time favorite characterizations. A masterpiece to be thought of - and talked about - for years to come.

Vis-à-Vis-à-Vis by @vukovich (E, 50k)

I wasn’t prepared for how immersive and exciting this would be, what a ride! The secret identity motif and case fic atmosphere got me immediately hooked, I couldn’t get enough of those perfect cat-mouse dynamics, the thrilling twists, the delicious pining and the intense, hot smut I deserve 🤌🏼 Vuk’s narrative voice is a delight, lush, full of personality and with an easy humor that makes this story even more surprising and remarkable.

what husbands are for by @softlystarstruck (E, 52k)

Yet another charming creature fic I’ve read in one sitting, this has the most wonderful sloooow burn - with lots of tension and non-sexual intimacy - and some great world building full of interesting lore and political shenanigans about vampire & wolf verse that I found quite interesting. I’m fascinated by fashionista and prosthetic artist Draco, such a cool job idea! A refreshing take on “enemies to friends to lovers” with Bee’s soft & sweet trademark.

Meet Me at Midnight by @the-starryknight (T, 57k)

I’ve been in love with Starry’s work for so long, and they still render me speechless when a new fics comes out. MMM is the most creative and cathartic fic I’ve read this year. This jaded craftsman Harry holds my heart in his hands, and the impressive amount of world building and lore behind the Dreamwalker figure sets an enchanting atmosphere. The settings are vivid and immersive, the slow burn so very tender and romantic it left me aching. And Teddy is absolutely perfect which is a big bonus on my book since I love him so much. This is a heartfelt love letter to every creator out there struggling with burnout. Here you’ll find hope, healing, and resistance to start 2023 the right way.

The Trouble with Wanting by waldorph (E, 60k)

Draco fans, rejoice! Those who adore a convincing posh and quirky characterization need to check this brilliant rendition asap. Positively Slytherin with its mischievous charm, this is fun and sexy af. Love myself a good old Draco-centric story following his post-war journey until he finds Harry his place in the new order. The Silver Trio is an absolute delight and this smitten Harry instantly found his way into my (and Draco’s) heart. One of the best get together fics I’ve read in the past few years.

9 ½ Days by @magpiefngrl (E, 69k)

Technically I’m cheating since this is from 2017, but I want to take a minute to appreciate Magpie’s generosity and hard work finishing this even after going on a Drarry break. One of my all-time faves when it comes to canon divergent war fics, the flawless narrative combines an urgent and dangerous “on the run” atmosphere with the softest teenage love, gentle, charming and tentative. It was bittersweet to see their journey coming to an end but this adventure was so well done and the ending was so emotionally satisfying, I can’t rec it enough.

Kept in Cages by @sweet-s0rr0w and @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm (E, 76k)

An epic Drarry romance mixing two tropes we all love: down & out Draco and magical creatures! This fic is very creative with a rich and detailed world building, and also many interesting and charming creatures. SS brings her tender melancholy trademark and an intriguing subplot involving Draco’s parents that I found very engaging. I loved this lonely Draco arc, his quirky personality and all the little things that make him strong and proud instead of meek and pitiful. Joy’s artwork is a masterpiece on its own and helps bringing this beautiful, magical universe into life.

A Case of You by @epitomereally (E, 97k)

This lovely reunion fic combines so many of my favorite tropes it felt like a special treat for me. Case fic, break up/make up, Unspeakable Draco, non-linear narrative, forced proximity, sparking sexual tension, what a feast! I found myself invested in both timelines, waiting for those beautiful, competent and stupid men to get their shit together and become the power couple we deserve. The pacing and character development are so smooth this barely feels like 100k, and have I mentioned how hot bossy Harry is? Oof!

In the Bleak Midwinter by @the-fools-errand (E, 105k)

Once again this author takes my breath away with another excellent, refreshing and exciting AU - this time based on Peaky Blinders - and I’m so impressed by the inventive world building here. Not only it expands to accommodate a huge cast, but also translates every little detail into the HP universe. Gripping narrative, clever plot, delicious enemies-to-lovers sexual tension and a heartbreaking Sirius arc that will hit you right in the solar plexus. You can’t go wrong with this author’s AUs, 10/10 recommend.

When Times are Dire by @aibidil (E, 130k)

I’ve been following this fake marriage epic since it first started posting and was super excited to see it being finished this year. Trust aibidil to do older!Drarry justice: their witty personalities, fond camaraderie and clever dialogue serve impeccable friends-to-lovers dynamics. I’m so into this brand of old couple domesticity and their exchanges with the grown-up kids are sweet and fun. Perfect balance of light humor, found family vibes, sweet romance and sexy times, this story has everything!

Rarepairs:

Mischief Managed by @maesterchill (E, 1.7k) - Harry/Sirius

Few things left me as emotional as this perfect gift that marked Em’s first (and maesterful! ha!) exploration of this ship. The way she grasped everything that hits me right in the feels is almost terrifying: it’s as if she looked into the most vulnerable parts of my brain and went “hmm tender devotion, idyllic aesthetics, foreplay, cute endearments, filthy wall sex, happy ending”👩‍🍳 and put together this light, sexy, fun and wonderfully hopeful smutty short that made me cry at the spot. Don’t forget to check the equally lush and self-indulgent sequel here!

Weather Warning by @sweet-s0rr0w (T, 1.7k) - Draco/Albus 

One of the best, most refreshing takes I’ve ever seen on this ship, this is so very different from your usual age gap tone and vibe, and I’m here for it. I was immediately charmed by their voices and light yet charged dynamics, T-rated but still holding so much heat and promise. This short leaves a strong impression and will make you crave for more ;) it’s also the perfect way to be introduced to this ship, come along and satisfy your curiosity!

Coming Up for Air by @lqtraintracks (M, 2k) - Harry/Teddy

*sigh* the amount of times I’ve read and cried over this stunning Harry/Teddy romance... this fic means so much to me because it was written by the one who set the foundation for how I see this ship, my favorite rarepair ship, so many years ago. With an incredible amount of character and feeling packed within 2k, this has the flavor of mutual devotion I yearn for, and a tormented Harry being loved and seen by this wise, generous and understanding Teddy, as they find their way back to each other. It doesn’t get any better than this!

Like A Brother Would by @wolfpants (E, 5k) - Harry/Ron

Tent sex my beloved! Another rarepair master, Wolf delivers everything I love the most about this ship - the easy familiarity, the tenderness and quiet devotion, the shared understanding and delicious sexual exploration amidst war chaos. It’s painfully clear how much they care about each other. Hung service top Ron is a sight to behold and I wonder how such a short fic was able to convey the depth of their trust and connection. Oh, to be young and feel love's keen sting… *Dumbledore’s voice*

Green Light by @sorrybutblog (E, 6k) - Ginny/Hermione

I got obsessed with Ginny/Hermione very recently and this was my first venture into this ship - not gonna lie, it was so much more than I had expected. Don’t let the (deliciously hot and self-indulgent - as it should be!!!) smutty tags distract you, this has fascinating dream-like summer vibes and perfect characterization, with spot on voices and a light tone of mirth and freedom that made my heart smile. Living for the edging and the “no one’s cheating everyone’s getting laid” tags 💦

The Hollow by @wolfpants (E, 12k) - Draco/Remus

This ship had never even crossed my mind before and here I am, utterly obsessed with this verse Wolf created so masterfully. Poignant and devastating, this fic has such a compelling narrative. My jaw was on the floor as the story went on and both characters revealed their layers through sexy smut and heartbreaking melancholy. There’s so much nuance to them, so much yearning and pain bringing them together and informing their decisions. Trust me when I say Drarry and Wolfstar fans will also adore this!

Still the pine-woods scent the moon by @fluxweeed (E, 15k) - Harry/Remus

I rarely read fics featuring Remus but both Flux and Wolf decided to slap me in the face with hot daddy vibes, and who am I to say no? Hands down one of the hottest, most erotic things I’ve read this year, a masterclass in UST that had my heart racing in anticipation. Scorching smut and a mesmerizing Harry desperate to be seen and treated right. I love how easily they fit together, I was immediately sold on this rare pair. Don’t read this at family dinner kids, you’ve been warned!

A Life Worth Remembering by @writcraft (E, 23k) - Established Drarry + Severus

Never thought I’d read this triad with de-aged Snape but watching his delightfully stubborn young version trying to resist those hot daddies was way too satisfying. This fic surprised me in so many ways, especially in tone and characterization. I love how their dynamics are slowly established here; Severus’ POV actually delivers not 1 but 3 superb character studies and we get to see how loving Harry changes these two difficult men and brings them all together. A nuanced and adult portrayal of open relationships, this is a must read for anyone who’s into voyeurism intrigued by this triad.

just call this what it is by @queenscrown (M, 27k) - Harry/Draco/Theo

The softest poly fic you’ll read today, this 8th year triad was based on this art by @t4tdrarry​ and celebrates wholesome friendships and gentle healing. Harry, Draco and Theo come together first as friends then as lovers in such an organic, uncomplicated way I wanted to live inside this verse. Love their easy banter, Harry’s sass (!), his camaraderie with Hermione and the way she helps him figure things out. A sweet and comforting hidden gem that deserves more readers and love.

you will burn right now but then you won't regret it by @thistlecatfics, art by SecondSilk and @veelawings - Fleur/Tonks

I’d never expect to find such a complete fic for this rare pair (which I admit I haven’t explored much), this was an absolute feast bringing together fascinating characters (love this badass Fleur!), politics and A+ family drama. I loved this deep dive into the Black family - so much angst, so much plot! Complicated and heartbreaking, this is a a wonderful exploration of trauma and a treat for any femslash fan looking for a nuanced and carefully developed romance that makes both characters justice.

Passion, Patents, and Pen Pals at the Ministry by yrfrndfrnkly and @violetclarity, art by @anaxandria-writes and @veelawings (T, 32k) - Hermione/Pansy

Easily my favorite Pansmione fic this year, this was such a surprising and refreshing story. The charming protagonists and clever development mixing dialogue and epistolary create a lively and exciting work universe at the Ministry. I felt immediately immersed in their routine None of that would work without the perfect supporting cast (meddling Harry is such a gem!) and the unique spice only an identity porn + epistolary combo can bring. Fun and refreshing, a must read for all femslash fans who are thirsty for good long fics. 

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: Medusapelagia! They have 131 fics written for the Stranger Things fandom and 92 of those fics are in the Steddie tag!

The nominator recommends the following works by @medusapelagia:

I'm so good at telling lies (That came from my mother's side)

You're the home my heart searched for so long

The Party

It can't rain all the time

"They are such a bright light within the Steddie Event side of the fandom! Always encouraging others and offering support. They're so creative and have a fic for everyone!!" - anonymous

Below the cut, @medusapelagia answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

Because I’m obsessed with them! It’s the first time I write fics in years and the first time I do that in English, but it was so clear that Steve and Eddie were meant to be together that I got back into reading, and then writing, Steddie fics as soon as Season 4 ended! Have you seen how they look at each other? The love story is already there! The Duffer Brothers did us a big favor and gave us the possibility to give them thousands of different stories in different timelines and different universes: how could I not join when there is so much to write?

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I love pain: you can put my heart through a meat grinder and I'll say "Thank you!" IF you promise me a happy ending. I'm ready to cry with the characters but in the end it must be worth it, that's why Angst and Hurt/comfort are my favorite tropes (always with a happy ending).

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

I love writing about feelings and I need A LOT of time to get the characters where I want them, that's why almost everything I write is Slow Burn… and Angst with a happy ending, but that's another story!

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

This is SO hard so… I’m going to cheat a little and give you three. The first fic I was obsessed with in 2022: wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name by DotyTakeThisDown a modern AU where Eddie is the owner of BDSM Club; My guilty pleasure: I Made Loving You A Blood Sport by Eddywow I love everything they write but this omegaverse fic it's absolutely my favorite; And my latest obsession: a man after midnight (professional dom eddie fic) a series by lydiah135 with a Transmasculine Dom Eddie.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

Oh yes!!! I’m working on a new troupe for my Reverse Big Bang fic (can’t spoil it, sorry) and I’m so excited about it! It’s absolutely the first time that I’m working with this troupe and I’m so eager to share it with everyone! Another new troupe I’m working on is... Supernatural. I have two fics I’m working on right now but I have many events with a deadline (I’m addicted to ST events!) so I don’t know when I will actually start to post them.

What is your writing process like?

A complete chaos! I have an idea about the beginning of my story and how I would like to end it and I try to follow a particular vibe: what happens in the middle it’s just me trying to convince my characters to get where I want them (and I must admit that we aren’t always on the same page!). A few times I tried to plot ahead and it was a peculiar feeling: on one side when I finally got the time to write (usually after dinner and before bed) I had an outline so I didn't get blank page panic, but on the other side I got bored because I already knew the story.

Do you have any writing quirks?

I’m a fast writer and I want to get to the end of the story as soon as I can (both as a reader and as a writer) which means that sometimes I have to edit and slow down the pace a bit, and… I write a lot of dialogues.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

They are two completely different ways of writing: posting on schedule assures you some interactions (which helps you get motivated to continue the story), on the other side right now I’m working on a some projects for some events and writing a complete story gives you the opportunity to fix something you might have missed or not written because in your mind it was implied (spoiler alert: probably it wasn’t!) but not having interactions can be hard, and I'm so happy I meet some friends online that can give me some pieces of advice when in doubt!

Which fic are you most proud of?

There are two (yeah… I’m cheating again! Sorry!). The first one is Guilty, because it’s the first fic I ever wrote in English, the second one is Never Again, because it’s a double timeline and a double POV and I managed to get to. the end without plotting or getting lost somewhere!

How did you get the idea for I'm so good at telling lies (That came from my mother's side)?

I saw Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake (it's a male version of the famous ballet) and, in my mind, it was perfect with Steve’s story (my headcanon Steve obviously) so I was trying to find the right plot and I had this image in my mind of the ballerina carillon and I couldn't find a way to mix those two things. Then someone on Twitter suggested an Omegaverse Ballet AU fic and it immediately clicked with me: the connection between the carillon and the Swan Lake was Omega Steve! I asked the idea owner if they were fine with me writing the story they suggested, they said yes, and I started writing it… but I didn’t post it until I was at chapter 6 or 7 because it was my first Omegaverse fic and I was scared that everyone would have hated it or that I would have written something wrong or whatever. Then two of my favorite writers wrote a post on Tumblr about the fact that everyone should write what they like and it feels obvious, right? But sometimes facing external opinions can be scary. So I gathered my courage and took it as a sign: the next day I woke up at 4 am and I posted the first chapter because I was having so much fun writing it that I decided it deserved to be shared and I’m glad I did.

When writing It can't rain all the time, what was something you didn’t expect?

That someone else would have liked it! It’s a Crow AU and the Crow is a very, very, very dark story (both the movie and the comics) but it’s one of my favorite movies ever and I saw so many similarities between Eric Draven and Eddie Munson that when the idea came to my mind I wonder how was it possible that no one else thought about it! It's peculiar that after I started to post it I saw some artists draw Eddie as Eric (maybe it was a happy coincidence, maybe it was just the algorithm, anyway I'm glad someone else saw the similarities too!).

What inspired You're the home my heart searched for so long?

That story comes from a prompt that I saw during the Steddie Holiday Exchange and I immediately fell in love with it and I was SO happy when it was assigned to me! Still… I had some difficulties at the beginning. The first version of the story wasn’t good: I was writing it from Steve’s POV and it was super sad and I started to panic a little bit because I knew I had a deadline and I didn’t want to disappoint my giftee. Thankfully I brainstormed with some friends (brainstorming is my favorite thing ever!) and finally got the idea of Famous Influencer Steve, which led me to change the POV of the story to Eddie’s POV and from that moment on everything fell in place like magic! I also had to add a few Shrek references to my story and it was a little bit tricky but in the end, I think I’m satisfied with my story.

What was your favorite part to write from I'm so good at telling lies (That came from my mother's side)?

I loved writing the OCs that perform (and sometimes live) at the Crooked Moon. The idea of the Crooked Moon is vaguely inspired by Land of the Dead in Tim Burton's The Corpse Bride: they are the strangest kind of pack ever but everything at the Crooked Moon is bright and colorful, and they give Steve the support he needs to be finally himself.

How do/did you feel writing The party?

Oh… the party is… a sad story (with a happy ending). Is anyone surprised? It's a fic I wrote for the Steddie Week, the first event I joined and at the time I wasn't even on Tumblr. I love to torture Steve (that's why no character is eager to be my favorite I think…) and I felt like his birthday should have been on a date that everyone could have forgotten easily, so I decided that his birthday was on the 25th of December: a day when everyone is busy spending time with their family while Steve would be left home alone. And just to add trauma to trauma I added my personal experience as a gift giver! I'm a pretty good one: I listen a lot, I take notes and I buy presents months before. On the other side, no one does the same for me and I usually get money which, don't get me wrong, is great, but what I like the most about gifts (and so does Steve because I'm absolutely projecting on him!) is taking the time to search for something that the other person might like. It's not about the object, per se, but it's about the time and the care you put into it, it's a way of saying "I care about you." instead of "I didn't know what to get you so buy yourself what you want." If there is any other gift giver who lives the same trauma as me we can go to therapy together!

What was the most difficult part of writing You're the home my heart searched for so long?

The smut. It was my first smut fic ever and it wasn't super easy, but luckily I had a friend who read a couple of parts of it and gave me a few pieces of advice (thank you!!!). It was a fic with a masseur Eddie: I needed to write some smut no matter what!

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

I love bratty Steve and I don’t write it enough, so this is a little banter between him and Eddie from My lucky charm, an omegaverse fic. <<Steve stiffens for a moment, then comes back to his sweet attitude and sits near Eddie, playing with his hair. “I didn’t think you were the kind of owner who plays. What do they say? Oh, yes, the house always wins, right?” “Sometimes I like some action too.” Eddie replies and takes the dice, “Why don’t you blow on my dice? For good luck.” Steve bends and blows gently on Eddie’s hand, then the owner of the casino turns toward the guard and makes a little gesture: they grab the old alpha and drag him away “You know what? I don’t think I’ll play. I don’t like these dice.” Eddie states. “Why not?” Steve asks with a little wrinkle on his perfect skin. “Because they are loaded dice.” Eddie replies and lets the dice fall on the green table with a seven. “Maybe you are just lucky.” Steve replies, still smiling. The omega has removed his patches and the sweet scent of lemon and lavender is filling the room. “I see what you are doing, sugar, but I’ll not get feral over your incredible smell. As you said, I’m the young owner of a casino, I’m trained to detect who is cheating and I will not fall for you.”>>

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

At the moment I’m working really hard on my Reverse Big Bang fic and My Steddie VDay Exchange and I can’t wait to share them.

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

I’m absolutely astonished, flattered and honored that someone thought about me for Writer’s Spotlight Day so I would like to thank the person who nominated me and the mods for giving space to all the beautiful stories that we might have missed in such a big fandom. Thank you for having me and I look forward to the next fics rec! Medusa

Thank you to our author, @medusapelagia! See more of @medusapelagia works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[tavyliasin]

Disability Pride Essays - Astarion, Complex Conditions, Specialised Diets, and Addiction

Today’s look into disability and BG3 is going to be around Astarion. Now, I will preface this with a very large “I’m not going to go into the obvious PTSD and trauma that he suffers, not because it isn’t important but because it really deserves an entire post of its own and one that I’ve been putting off for a while despite having 9 pages of it tucked away in a doc that has been there for months.” So instead I’m going to be looking at the other parallels that his unique condition provides, and the insight we can gain from that. I hope you’ll forgive me for skipping what is essentially the core of his story for now to instead focus in under the microscope at the smaller parts, but I really want to do that side of him justice outside of this essay series. With this in mind, I will be discussing topics which some might find triggering, including dietary restrictions and eating disorders, general mental illness, chronic fatigue, and also some of the controversial “cures” like the outdated and frankly barbaric uses of things like lobotomy. I’ve also got a short section discussing SH scars, and what ended up as quite a long section around addiction and substance use and how this can relate to the Ascension storyline. I have included headers for the sections so they can be skipped if needed. If you feel you are not in the right place to read about any of these right now, please do skip this entire post and I’ll see you for the next one. For everyone else, take a deep breath and we’ll dive in to Astarion and Disability.  And, as always, discussion is more than welcome - I would love to hear your views, opinions, and experiences if you are comfortable sharing them~

What is Astarion’s Disability?

Astarion can arguably represent a lot of different things in both mental and physical health. The specifics of vampirism leave him with some very complex needs, from dietary requirements to the sensitivity to sunlight without the tadpole, and we also see the downside of his needs not being met (he is literally weaker when he doesn’t get the blood he needs). There are also ways in which his mental health affects him outside of the specific trauma, which may well feel relatable to some. There are also ways to see his vampirism and the potential ending outcomes of it as being similar to a degenerative condition with a risky treatment path. Ascending him is, without a shadow of a doubt, the simplest and clearest way to overcome many of the downsides and difficulties that he experiences from vampirism, but it comes with a very large cost to it as well. It’s also an irreversible change, and one that can mirror some very drastic treatments that have been used in the past to treat psychological illnesses and even some developmental disorders.

How Do We See The Disability In The Game?

Quite simply, Astarion has lower stats if he hasn’t fed on blood. He also has weaknesses to damage types, and by the end if he remains a spawn we see clearly that he can no longer be in the direct sunlight. So we can also assume that any other downsides to being a vampire spawn are also going to return when the tadpole is no longer suppressing them. What we see more of in the game is how he deals with everything. His coping mechanisms of humour, deflection, and often overcompensation in some areas too. Often it becomes “gallows humour” for those of us suffering chronic conditions and disabilities - which, it’s important to remember, should really be reserved for those who are actually “on the gallows”. But we also see the genuine fear, the struggle, and the acceptance that if he remains a spawn he will not have many more days to walk in the sun. He has to give things up to be able to stay alive.

How Does This Reflect Real Life?

There are a lot of things here so I’ll try to go symptom by symptom. Astarion’s specific conditions can reflect a lot of aspects of a lot of conditions, so it’s harder to compare him to any single diagnosis. There are also a lot of complex health issues that share symptoms, making diagnosis harder in the first place - something I’m sure many of us are far too familiar with in misdiagnosis or just long times to actually find the cause of these symptoms. So anyway, my ramblings aside, let’s look at the most obvious one first. Astarion, no matter what path his story takes, needs to drink blood to thrive. He can survive on animal blood, but he is stronger - quite literally - when he has partaken of the blood of sentient beings (mainly living humanoid types). This is similar to those who have very specific dietary needs, including those who might need supplements or infusions to make up for deficiencies in how their bodies process food. Substitutes might stave off the worst of the deficiency, but the right things are needed to regain quality of life. I could also now make jokes about how relatable Astarion is with that pallid tone, because I, too, am the kind of being who makes white paper look tanned by comparison to my pasty flesh, but there’s a real comparison here too. On the milder end you have those of us who get sunburn easily, who need to use strong sun cream and often still cover up and seek shade, but there are rarer conditions where exposure to the sun can cause far more serious reactions. This can be expressed as a severe sunburn after very little exposure, or it might even be an allergy response that goes beyond the skin. Albinism is also rare and can include a person having very pale skin and hair (and though eyes tend to be in the more usual colours they can more often appear red or pink in photos), and equally means direct sunlight can be a hazard. For some this might be a lifelong condition, but for others it might be something that develops later which means a similar adjustment - no longer able to just go out in the sunshine as they might’ve done in the past, they need to adjust how they live. There are also those who experience other difficulties from sunlight, like those with migraines strongly triggered by the light, or even people who have Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder which impacts their ability to be awake and active in the daytime/daylight. Some vision and sight related difficulties might also be affected by the light, which can be partially aided by light blocking dark glasses, but this arguably still impacts a person’s life and lifestyle. The way the plot plays out can even potentially be a much less direct parallel to any chronic condition that has a period of remission before worsening again, necessitating a major lifestyle change. Whether this is physical health or even mental health, there are plenty of conditions that can result in someone being less able to leave the home - a similar isolation to not being able to go out in the light.

Disability and Scars

I am going to just briefly touch on the scars Astarion has - not from the trauma point of view, but instead that in the real world many of us have scars as a result of chronic illness. Whether this is from treatments to help conditions, from incidents that caused them, or even from the conditions themselves, scars can be a constant physical reminder and something people can feel uncomfortable about others seeing. This could also represent self harm, which I would argue is a symptom of severe mental health difficulties.  I know I certainly had plenty of years where I made myself uncomfortable to hide scars. Covering up with clothing even when the weather is hot, feeling discomfort at romantic partners seeing scars from harm or from surgery, even feeling the discomfort in myself to see those reminders of illness. This is something I have become much more comfortable with over time, though granted recovery and support have helped a great deal there. Coming to that understanding that I don’t have to always associate the marks with the pain of their cause, that even if I don’t love them, that I can accept them as they are. A record of what was, of the things that I have survived.

And that’s perhaps where the strength can be found in Astarion’s scars from his story. They’re not always going to be a reminder of the pain that caused them, but over time can instead be a reminder of everything that was not powerful enough to take him down.

We are all stronger than our darkest days, and being alive is proof that nothing has been enough to take us out of the race yet. Which isn’t to say we should be complacent, careless, or take risks. I think it’s more like a middle finger to a bursting appendix, or a dark period of mental health, or any number of ways the world leaves its mark more visibly on our bodies. A map not of our weakness but the strength and tenacity to go on, even if it was hard, even if we struggled. That matters.

Dietary Needs and Food Ethics

I think it is also worth looking at a little bit of dietary needs here, but from a different angle. A specialised diet can have some more nuanced issues towards it, including an aspect of morality and guilt. Whilst we don’t see a lot of guilt from Astarion over drinking blood - other than if he goes too far when the player allows him to take a taste and he apologises - there arguably can be, particularly if he remains a spawn and frees the other spawn. At that point in his arc, he doesn’t seem to revel in the idea of the thousands of spawn feeding on the citizens of Baldur’s Gate and beyond. Whilst I don’t want to go into a discussion on the ethics of certain diets in the real world - that is a choice for each individual to make alone based on their own morals and health needs - I think it is important to recognise that sometimes what a person needs to nourish their body might not match up with their personal ethics. For example, animal products. There are some people out there who cannot get enough nutritional value from a vegan diet, even if they did have plenty of time and money to manage it properly with all the best medical supervision and supplements in the world, quite simply put there are allergies and other digestive issues that can make this impossible. Other things like income, time, energy, and ability to cook can also impact how practical certain food choices are for people. This can result in the individual feeling frustration or guilt at not being able to make the decisions they would like to for themselves, and even facing pressure from peers who are not willing to understand that there are some circumstances that make certain choices impossible. The same can apply for people who struggle with food variety, and can apply to other ethical food concerns like the source of the food production, environmental concerns, and humanitarian concerns like fair trade goods. Whilst in an ideal world we would all be able to stick to our moral and ethical values in all things, at the end of the day we need to ensure we are getting the basic nutrition we need within our means. Some people also need to buy pre-prepared foods with more packaging, not because they don’t care about the environment but because they are physically unable to prepare the food otherwise. It’s something I see criticism a lot from abled people who don’t take into account how someone might not be able to safely cut their own fruit or afford to have someone to do it for them. Pre-packaged and prepared foods allow us to have choices, variety, proper nutrition, and not to forget another big point in this one: independence. So whether dietary needs come from allergies, digestive issues, long term chronic illness, or even from neurodiverse conditions that make it difficult for people to tolerate certain flavours and textures, there are a lot of things that can impact our foods and food choices. And the most important bottom line is that we are fed. That we get the best nutrition that we can within our own limits, whatever those might be.

The Cures and Their Downsides

Here’s the big one. And we are going to be talking about the downsides of the Ascension storyline here, and how it can parallel the difficulties of seeking relief from certain conditions. In the game, when Ascension is the chosen route, what we see is a marked change in personality - one that arguably is the worse outcome for the character in terms of who he is as a person and his continuing the cycle of abuse rather than breaking free from it. I am not, however, here to judge anyone who enjoys that storyline. I’m not going to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do with a fictional character, a fantasy story, and a situation that is not actually real or affecting any real people in the slightest. We are here to look at how this can mirror the experience of disability, which is a heavier topic in its own ways.

In the horrifyingly not-that-distant past, people with severe disabilities did not receive caring treatment. They were subjected to horrifying experimental treatments in the desperation that either they or their loved ones had for finding a cure for their conditions. This included treatments that drastically altered their personalities and decision making, like lobotomies. Early forms of ECT - electro-convulsive-therapy - were also not as well tested as they are today and were used a lot more frequently than perhaps they should have been, leading to potential lasting damage (modern ECT is a proven treatment for a limited range of conditions, but it is only used for severe cases that have not responded to any other treatments and is far better regulated at this point in time). Even now, people who are suffering with an illness or disability might look to very drastic or extreme remedies that might not be the most rational choice for their well-being or for those around them. It can also still arguably change how they act towards others, similarly to how Astarion takes on a different persona once he has Ascended compared to how he is if he remains a Spawn. 

This is again where it gets more painful for some of us to discuss, because it can touch on the topic of addiction.

Astarion, Addiction and Disability

Addiction in itself is an illness, and more often than not stems from other severe issues like trauma, chronic physical conditions, and other psychological difficulties. At the core, this can be an attempt at self medicating - arguably we could see Astarion treating blood and sex like a substance that he is using in this parallel too. Something so he doesn’t have to deal with his reality, something that dulls the pain that he has chosen to perpetuate instead of facing in this option. Addiction to substances in life can be very similar - sometimes even starting in a similar manner: “If I have this, I’m stronger and better, I’m safer because I’m stronger too, so I will continue to have it. More than the minimum to get by, because I need it.” For some it’s an escape, for others an attempt to cure a problem that hasn’t been treated any other way, but the result can end up the same - they might be the same person on the inside, but to the outside, to the people around them, they’ve changed. Become something else. Luckily, though given how unfortunate someone generally is to be caught in the jaws of addiction in the first place, the real world does have support and treatment for sufferers. It’s not an irreversible Ascension, even if there are some who might treat it that way. Granted there are of course actions that someone might take whilst intoxicated that are far more severe and can’t be taken back, I’m not trying to minimise that in any way, the point really is that addiction can be helped and treated if the individual is willing. Again this could even be another mirror through Astarion’s story. Cazador could be an allegory for a substance, something someone turned to in their darkest hour, or even genuinely needed to survive in the case of prescription medications. Then perhaps gaining the tadpole is a period of sobriety, where the sufferer makes new friends outside of the addiction, ones who support making more changes and staying free from substance use.

Then there are his siblings, who might well be those still under the influence, leading to that most difficult choice. To pursue recovery alone, to try and help those who he knows are also suffering under the same problem which might make his own recovery harder, or to fall back into the same patterns. The more I think on this allegory - literally didn’t plan it out this way, it came to me whilst writing this piece - it really does feel very fitting as a mirror to that story and not one that I’ve seen discussed before. In addiction, one of the things that can more often keep pulling people back is being around others suffering the same addiction as they enable one another to continue the substance use and justify it to one another. “We don’t have a choice, it’s our best option, actually it’s pretty good” - and all this despite the suffering. There is a strong aspect of denial to those suffering addiction, it is much more difficult for them to see the impact on themselves - much like how Astarion can’t see his reflection, or the scars on his back and what they mean. Honestly I’m starting to feel like this could be a piece all of its own, so I won’t go much further than this and instead leave it to anyone who has bravely read this far - would you like to see more of a discussion around the realities of addiction and how Astarion’s story can parallel the experiences of those who suffer from it?  And just to end this section for now I will make this very clear - addiction stems from suffering, and is very very rarely something that a person consciously chooses to fall into. Whilst I recognise the all too real pain and negative impact on those who are close to people suffering from addiction, it should be treated as a severe illness and given some measure of compassion and understanding where possible rather than judging every single sufferer purely by the fact that they are struggling with addiction. Of course you do not have to forgive someone who has done terrible things to fuel a habit or whilst under the influence, but most often the only way for them to recover, to not repeat the same hurt again and again, is to get the appropriate help from those who are fully qualified to do so.

It is arguably a chronic illness, and one that can be disabling, as well as a condition that can be brought about by disability itself as people seek ways to cope with the physical and psychological impact of disability.

What We Can Learn From Astarion’s Story

There’s an awful lot here, honestly, but I think if we strip it right back it circles back around to one thing in every section: These issues are complex. Although it might look one way from the outside, if we take the time to truly listen to and understand the depth of the individual and their unique situation, we will find that there is more to it than it may have appeared. Just how we find through the game the depth of Astarion’s pain through his past, how we see his interactions changing as he opens up and lets go of the mask that has kept him safe for a very long time, if we take that time with real people who have complex and unique difficulties we will be more able to understand their needs and ensure they are met. This might simply be not judging someone’s choices in food or drink, or it could be lowering the lights and closing the curtains for someone who is struggling with the bright sun. We can also learn to show that compassion to ourselves, and accept that though we might have scars that we cannot remove, they do not define us. They do not own us. Those scars aren’t proof that someone or something was strong enough to hurt us, they are proof that we were strong enough to survive, and even better to keep on living and finding joy in life beyond that basic survival too. To regain ownership of ourselves as the scars fade. We can’t get rid of them, not entirely, just like we can’t erase the past that caused them (whether through accident, surgery, or otherwise). What we change is how we see them, how we accept them as a part of our whole.  And there is another core right there - whether it is disability, chronic illness, or trauma, we do what we need to survive in the moment until we can move beyond it. We can’t erase our history, but we can learn from it and know that it is just one page in our story. So, keep filling your pages out there. Tell the story only you can tell, the one you’re writing as you live each moment. Find the meaning in your own narrative.

Above all, be kind to yourself and those around you. We never know what scars are on the backs of others unless they show us, just as they can’t know ours either.

[starry-mist]

S5e15 and s5e16 thoughts:

Obviously I need to do these ones together. I'm also going to try to do this as sort of a review rather than general thoughts...it's my first time trying this so be nice, LOL.

I have a few thoughts before I jump into the episodes.

One of the main reasons (other than the obvious one of having these additional characters with their own storyline that initially seems separate from what the series regulars are doing) that this initially felt like a backdoor pilot is because one of the titular characters is noticeably absent. And we know this was because John and Meghan were expecting their third child to be born right around the time this was scheduled to film, so he wasn't available. I'm not saying it couldn't still be a backdoor pilot, but I think it's unlikely for the moment.

The story we got was very different from the original synopsis in the article about the Ontario government funding production in Northern Ontario (https://www.nugget.ca/news/five-film-tv-productions-receive-funding) which again, is likely because John was unavailable so they launched Sarah and Jesse into the spotlight for this one.

I know Jesse fans have a lot of feelings about his glasses, and I agree that the explanation for why he no longer wears them is pretty weak. Fans of this show do have a tendency to fixate on changes in character appearances (see also: much controversy on Facebook about Charlie's season 6 hair.) Anyway, characters evolve, people change, I'm just going to leave it at that. Maybe Justin was just sick of wearing them.

Without further ado:

We open with a lovely aerial shot of “Webster Bay,” which I’m sure is 100% a real place and totally not North Bay, Ontario. (It's absolutely not a real place.) A couple is having a romantic moment by the side of the road. Very sweet. Until it turns out the man is there to rob the house across the street. That's...perhaps a little less sweet.

The home invasion/robbery hits a little snag when the homeowner is, well, home, and goes at the would-be robber with a sizeable pair of scissors. He accidentally knocks her out trying to disarm her, and it's time for the happy couple to GTFO.

Roll credits.

Back in St. John's, the Major Crimes team has ordered lunch. Jesse gets an ominous phone call from his previously-never-mentioned sister.

It's the season of new family members coming out of the woodwork. Sigh.

Anyway, Jesse's sister is in Northern Ontario, as far as he knows (which is apparently where they both grew up...look I'm just going to keep rolling my eyes at all of these things that could have been mentioned IN FOUR PREVIOUS SEASONS) and is in trouble. Come quick. No cops. Doesn't sound sketchy at all...

Jesse's ready to go to her rescue, but Charlie doesn't think he should go alone.

Sarah: You want to go with him?

Charlie: I was thinking you. And Rex.

(Yeah, remember those establishing moments I mentioned in the previous two episodes? Those are now relevant.)

Apparently Charlie has some important stuff he has to take care of.

(Please remind me I need to someday write a fic about Charlie’s guilt at sending the trio into harms way.)

This whole scene is a little forced, IMHO, but anyway, off they go.

Cut to Ontario, where we now have MEGAN FREAKING FOLLOWS, OMG, BE STILL MY ANNE OF GREEN GABLES-LOVING HEART. At this point, I should note that I do love these fleshed-out original characters and their stories, which initially feel strange given we've never seen them before, but will make sense later.

(Pause for my usual commentary of same actor, different character: Cihang Ma previously played Holly in s3’s Seeing is Deceiving. Here they play Detective Kai Huang, and let me just express my appreciation for a non-binary actor playing a non-binary role.)

Anyway, Detective Anne of Green Gables Sidney Scott is on scene and having flashbacks. It looks like she lost someone close to her. Kai thinks the people who broke in were addicts. Sidney has other ideas. She talks to the victim's husband, Tim Cooper, who apparently worked with her husband as well. But she makes it clear that she's definitely off work and totally not on the case.

Right...

Back to St. John’s, Charlie is having someone dig up Constable Charlie Hudson’s incident reports from October 30, 2009. Okay first off, I would have appreciated some flashbacks to a younger Charlie, but I don't always get what I want (rarely, in fact.) And we find out that Charlie is investigating his "white whale" of a child abduction case that has haunted him for 14 years, which has of course been foreshadowed in prior seasons because this show is so amazing at continuity. /s

Cut to Charlie's house, with him taping up a makeshift "murder board" on the wall. My dude, you're going to need to repaint...

Meanwhile in Ontario, we have lovely wide shots of fall colours. So pretty. We also have rapid-fire voiceover exposition from Sarah and Jesse on their arrival, where they're going, how long it's taken them to get there, and honestly, this is yet another of those "show, don't tell" moments that this show struggles with.

The trio arrive at “an old Cold War missile site” where Jesse and Crystal came when they were kids, riding their bikes down from his uncle’s place. Questions abound about who actually raised Jesse, who has mentioned his mom (in a throwaway line in s2) and a deceased father. Now there was apparently an uncle? Okay we'll go with it. Anyway, Jesse and Crystal used to hang out here and build camps in abandoned buildings.

Sarah and Rex are the third wheels (actually fourth and fifth, I suppose) in the Jesse/Crystal/random sketchy boyfriend scene as they head into an abandoned hangar. Sketchy boyfriend (who has a name that I'm not bothering to look it up given he won't be around that long) wants to know if these new additions are cool.

Sarah: Dr. Sarah Truong, hi. We’re cool.

(I don't know why I find that line so amusing.)

Rex senses danger. Looks like it's time to GTFO of the hangar.

This is where I point out that two of these characters are weapons-trained cops, one of whom we have seen is basically a sharpshooter…And none of this apparently matters as neither of them have a weapon on hand that they can use. Oops.

Going to have to suspend disbelief at the fact that the sniper can instantly kill the bf, shoot out the tires on Sarah and Jesse's rental car (that's going to be a hefty repair bill,) but then they're all just able to run out in the open and magically escape…right.

This is pretty elaborate for a scene that is essentially just a setup for the plane crash.

Sidney Scott visits a man named Elvis Migwan outside the local hospital. We learn that there is a local Indigenous community whose water has apparently been affected by runoff from a mining operation. Elvis's daughter is sick. And this is a really relevant topic given how many Indigenous communities in Canada lack access to clean water.

Back to the airfield, and I'm just going to speculate that they blew the budget on this next scene and on the plane crash.

Apparently flight simulator games have taught Jesse enough that he can figure out how to fly a plane...again, suspending disbelief. The team take to the skies and are promptly shot down by the sniper, as my anxiety begins to ratchet up.

The remote lake where they crash would be a pretty place to camp in any other circumstance.

Anne of Green Gables Sidney has a nice, large house. It's actually pretty big for one person. Hey, Sidney has that in common with Charlie. They should hang out. Inspector Yousef Ali stops by and brings Sidney dinner. It's a salad. She's displeased. I start to ship them.

Charlie and Joe have a scene at Charlie’s house and it's just not working for me. I can't help it. The whole Alison case appearing out of the blue feels forced.

(However, Joe is totally checking out the new, shall we say, feminine touches in Charlie’s house.)

At the crash site, Jesse manages to smash open his door when there were two perfectly good open ones on the other side of the plane, because reasons? Crystal’s wrist is probably broken, Jesse’s got some cracked ribs…but at least they have a doctor with them who’s totally in one piece and definitely not injured.

Sarah asks for a first aid kit, presumably to do, you know, actual first aid...oh wait, no, instead she scribbles some notes on a piece of paper, which she rolls into a little case that she attaches to Rex's collar. With a tearful hug, she sends Rex off into the wilderness.

Cue “The Littlest Hobo” theme.

Rex wanders the woods.

Sidney Scott decides to go back to work.

Back at the crash site, we find out Crystal’s a pretty big screwup, and Jesse chastises her for her messing up her life. Not super helpful at the moment, Jesse.

Sarah starts to look disoriented and possibly in pain. This is going to get worse before it gets better.

Rex encounters some sort of bird of prey (I think it's a hawk, but I'm not an expert.) No worries, he'll just hide under a bridge for a moment.

Another "same actor different character" moment: the actor playing Bertrand Boyle previously appeared as Tucker Moore in s4’s No Man is an Island.

Rex is under a sky full of stars, which I'm sure he'd pause to appreciate if there weren't a pack of wolves nearby. I believe I read somewhere that Sherri Davis who trains the dogs actually trained all the animals that appeared in this one. I’m in awe of her talent.

Morning at the crash site. Crystal is about to peace out. Jesse talks her into staying. And Sarah wakes up in rough shape.

And here is where I state that Mayko Nguyen is the best actor on this show, fight me. She completely nailed that subtle shift when Sarah realizes that she's injured, and more seriously than she initially thought.

(Side note: I love that Mayko is wearing her trademark huge puffy warm coat. She is apparently always cold.)

So anyway, Sarah has realized that she's bleeding internally, and tells Jesse that he'll need to operate.

Right…

Sarah: You can do anything you put your mind to, Jesse Mills. You just flew a plane!

I really hope they submitted this episode for this year's Canadian Screen Awards.

On his continued trek through the wilderness, Rex encounters the most fearsome of woodland creatures: a skunk. Oh no! What if he ends up smelly?!! Anyway, Rex wins the territorial battle, and over the log bridge he goes.

Oh look, an owl.

So many critters.

There's a road! And with a short swim, Rex has officially made it back to civilization where he is promptly picked up by some sinister characters in a truck.

I'm not going into the gory details of Jesse doing field surgery on Sarah, because I still find it hard to watch, but anyway, give Mayko an Emmy. Hell, give her an Oscar. Give her all the things.

...right now, because I’m not watching these separately.

Ugh. Field surgery. I feel very much the same way as Jesse does when it comes to blood.

Cut to the Ontario Police Service (or whatever they’re calling their version of Ontario Provincial Police) HQ building, which I’m pretty sure is part of Nipissing University, as is the “hospital” we see later.

Detective Scott, meet Rex. He'll keep you on your toes.

See you later, sketchbags in the pickup truck. Nobody messes with our boy Rex.

Oh hey, it’s Charlie Hudson. Kind of forgot about that guy for a moment. Anyway Charlie and Joe get a call from Sidney about the plane crash. Charlie holds back...really any emotion whatsoever.

Sidney! Rex! Helicopter!

Sidney sends Charlie a photo of the note that Rex brought her, and Charlie recognizes Sarah’s handwriting. Joe tries to be reassuring. Okay, now they're showing a little bit of worry at the unknown fate of their friends.

Sarah is now semi-conscious and making last requests.

Sarah: If I don’t make it you have to find Rex…tell Charlie…

Jesse: No, you’re gonna tell him yourself…

Me: Tell him what, exactly? Because you've been a couple more than long enough that I refuse to believe there have been no "I love yous" exchanged, even if we've yet to see it said on screen.

Anyway Sarah passes back out, while I continue to hyperventilate.

Cut to St. John's. Charlie feels guilty for not going. Joe steers him back into his B plot. It still feels forced.

Sidney chatting "with" Rex as he leads her through the woods cracks me up.

At the crash site, Sarah wakes up feverish. She knows she probably an infection. So she should totally drink the unfiltered lake water Crystal brings her, because what’s a little E. coli going to do? Anyway apparently it’s all good as long as the paramedics push IV antibiotics…whatever. Sidney and Rex of course arrive at exactly the right time!

Rex lays protectively on his “mom.”

And the look Sidney gives Crystal tells us her shit is officially about to hit the fan.

Jesse has a phone call with Joe and Charlie to fill them in on all the nitty-gritty. Charlie wants to talk to Sarah, who is now in actual surgery. Jesse goes to check on his sister, who is now under arrest.

Crystal: I just watched my boyfriend get shot and killed and was pretty sure we were all gonna die in a plane crash. It’s been a lot.

Sarah Swire's deadpan delivery of the above lines is just so good.

Sidney questions Crystal, and it become clear that she definitely has a personal stake in this. Crystal swears there was no gun at the house her boyfriend robbed. She wants Jesse to cover for her by taking the backpack full of money, which of course he does. For now.

Sidney: Are you here as a cop or a brother?

Jesse: I have to be both.

Rex wants to help Sidney track the shooter. This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship!

In Sarah's hospital room, she's sitting up in bed and talking to Charlie, albeit briefly. That conversation should have been longer and more emotional.

Tracking the shooter leads to more amusing Sidney and Rex "conversation." They find the type of gun that was used to kill Sidney’s husband. Suddenly Sidney's personal stake in the case makes sense.

Jesse and Sarah chat in her hospital room where she's looking pretty well recovered considering she just had two abdominal surgeries...and then she’s up and at it looking over forensics with Kai. It turns out Kai had the wrong time of death.

Joe reassures Charlie, who is feeling stuck on the Alison case, that he’s a great cop, great detective, blah blah. Says he needs to figure out how to move on so he can be ready for the next people who need his help. So clearly we’re done with this case and it definitely won’t reappear in a future episode...*eyes the next episode on the list*

The totally-not-the-shooter guy whose name I can’t be bothered to learn thinks Sidney’s husband would want her to move on and enjoy the life she has left. Okay then.

It seems that Crystal did in fact know that there would be money in the house. Also she knows about the contaminated runoff situation from the mine. Working as a cleaner, she managed to overhear all kinds of things, and through creative use of french fries, casually explains to Jesse how the mine’s money laundering scheme worked.

Incoming sniper. Again. Rex attempts a takedown but the sniper nearly runs him over with his car. Well, at least they should have a license plate now, assuming Jesse can actually see it without his glasses.

Seeing that it's time to come clean, the Mills siblings take the backpack full of money to Sidney. Crystal reveals how she knew the money was at the Cooper house by basically rehashing everything she just told Jesse. And maintains that her brush with law-breaking was "just one time."

Jesse to Crystal: Rex is really disappointed in you.

Sidney goes back to Elvis Migwan and asks how he knew about the mine runoff. And we now know that her husband faked the reports that said the water was clean.

Back at home, Sidney rips down her wall murder board. She's coming to terms with who her husband really was. He was killed in order to keep him quiet, but he knew a lot more than he let on.

Sidney goes off to question Tim Cooper, who is the actual mastermind behind all of this. Inspector Ali tells her she needs backup. It looks like she rolls up with just Rex, who stays in the car.

Sniper dude is on the scene. Oh, apparently his name is Wayne.

Rex takes him down.

Sidney gets a confession from Cooper.

And the rest of the backup team comes out of hiding.

Sidney, needing to make amends, takes a USB with proof of the falsified mine records to Elvis Migwan. It's everything he will need for his lawsuit against the mining company.

Jesse and Crystal chat as he is ready to head back home. Maybe she'll visit St. John's someday. (Here’s hoping.)

Sid puts away a photo of her and her husband. Ali shows up. Sidney tells him she's planning to sell the house, and that she doesn’t like salad. He's brought her a burger this time.

Could be love.

Sidney swears she's getting groceries tomorrow, and will be back at work on Monday. She's picking up the pieces. She also wants to choose her own partner. Say hello to Little Rex.

Sarah, Jesse and Rex head for the plane.

Jesse: You know, second time's the charm flying the plane.

Sarah: Too soon!

Charlie pulls the pictures of Alison off his wall. He's letting it go.

The door opens, and we get probably my favourite Charah scene ever. The clinging hug. The concern for each other. The intimacy of their foreheads pressed together as they gently sway.

Swoon.

Best episodes ever.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Weird Strange Warmth, Thailand

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Sept 2024 Week 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Jack & Joker (Thai Mon IQIYI) ep 1 of 12 - Oh it’s fucking great. What a fantastic start! It’s a fun cast too. I adore seeing all of the familiar faces. This is a lot more fun than Kidnap (sorry GMMTV, do better). I mean both shows are serving the same kind of concept but with completely different energy. I love that War is playing phi in this series. I think it suits him much better. In fact. I really like these rolls for this pair. I think they’re gonna knock it outta the park. I am so happy this is good. I wanted it to be good. And it’s good!

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) ep 8 of 12 - Oh no! He read the journal. No snooping! Well I guess they needed to get some tension for these 2 from somewhere, otherwise they are too good to each other. Meanwhile, I’m not sure about the sides in this particular series. I don’t hate them. The laundry jealousy moment was pretty well done. But I'm not sold, either.

Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 5 of 10 - I forgot that we were already on the ICONIC kidnapping section of the narrative. I miss Gu Hai's OBEY sweatshirt from the original. (Someday I will own that sweatshirt.) Hero should at least be wearing an OBEY T-shirt. Frankly I miss the harshness of the original too. Johnny Huang was just so massive, August doesn't have the physicality to carry this scene off. Nor does Thailand have the guts to push it into the creepy obsessive territory that made the first version so thrilling to watch.

The thing about the original kidnapping bit was we could feel Gu Hai's vibrating need to possess overriding everything else (including his sense of humor and frustration with himself). Gu Hai KNOWS kidnapping was an over reaction, he KNOWS he is being absurd, he just doesn't care. Because he doesn't just want to fuck Bai Luo Yin he wants to consume him.

We didn't get any of that from Hero. Hero, as a character, just isn't edgy enough to carry off a kidnapping, he's been softened too much in this new Thai form.

And then... An around the back of head not-kiss? Interesting choice. (Checks to see if BoomPeak are hanging out nearby.) Is that because the actor is under age? We in that head space for this whole show? (Pun intended.) Not sure how I feel about any of it.

It’s a much milder confession this time around, because it’s Thailand, but it’s still warped. So I’m still here for the weird strange warmth of this damn show. I did laugh a lot during this episode. 

Kidnap (Fri YT) ep 2 of 12 - Oh I am very much enjoying this.

"You’re the worst kidnapper I ever ever met" is an apt accusation.

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 7 of 12 - I kinda enjoyed the little side romance story (wealthy writer intellectual + poor local salt-of-the-earth boy = Love Seaing all over my damn screen). It came outta nowhere but... okay.

I honestly have no idea what’s going on with this show. But the kisses are nice. And I pretty much like all of the couples. It’s wild how disjointed it is but simultaneously how pretty. It’s like Star Hunter got hold of Mame’s budget and aesthetic. 

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 9 of 12 - Boyfriend era to the max. Production is still ignoring the whole "dreaming the future" POINT OF THIS SHOW.

The Trainee (Sun YT) ep 11 of 12 - Jane is VERY COOL. Like tay-style cool… as it were. I like their dynamic when they're given one to play with. It’s the rest of this show I don’t enjoy. 

Live in Love (Sun Gaga) ep 2 of 5 - It cute. Bit odd but cute. I like the language play, of course. It’s an interesting pair to watch flirt because it’s all language play so that's fun but otherwise, I'm not convinced.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) eps 7-8 of 12 - This BL doesn’t drink from the water bottle to show off its neck. It quietly hands you the water bottle and expects you to understand that is not an act of generosity but of polite distancing. It's about the delicacy of the messaging, and the way themes are conveyed with such nuance.

This story is entirely about the two of them figuring out about each other, and then trying to be what the other person needs based on that information. It means they (and therefore we) are on this journey of discovering affection together. It's brilliant.

I must talk about the physical acting of these two for a second. That scene where they’re fighting over the book and then fall into the pool. That was one take. That’s amazing. These two are really fucking stellar not only at acting but hitting their marks. And let's be clear, that is NOT the same thing. I bet they both have stage training.

Define irony: watching two abandoned kids counsel their respective parents through abandonment issues.

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun grey) ep 6 of 10 - It is stupid cute and utterly charming. They are total boyfriends. It’s just that one of them wants to be and one of them assumes they already are. Actually, nevermind boyfriends, they’re married.

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 12fin - It made me whimper a lot because they’re both hurting so much. But in the end it was... fine.

Summation

The compassionate story of a college kid going deaf and the one boy he can hear. I love this manga and was let down by the first adaptation (Silhouette of Your Voice), so I was expecting a lot from this BL. I expected the soundscapes in this one to be fantastic, and the were, but I didn’t expect the filming to be something special too. But it really is. The acting is great too. But the story? It was just fine. They spent far too much time on the build to a relationship, then wallowed in their separation and a problematic girl character, when they should have been showcasing Taichi's character arc and his capacity for connection. Perhaps Japan should pass this one off to Thailand, It's a soft story centering on "food as love" so they might do better with it. I am, yet again, disappointed. 8/10 but I want to give it a 7/10

First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) eps 9-10 of 12 - It’s fine. it’s cute. I enjoyed getting some backstory. More of the sides, please.

Seoul Blues (Korea Fri? YouTube) ep 7 - Honestly, why don’t they just call this entire series The Cheating Diaries and have done with it? I’m only watching it because there’s basically nothing else from Korea right now. But I’m generally mad about it. Including the fact that everybody is so pretty and the acting is so good in the series, but the stories are so terrible.

It's airing but...

The Hidden Moon (Sat WeTV) ep 1 of 10 - This is a supernatural romance (my ghost boyfriend trope) by Violet Rain (I Feel You Linger). A man is hired to write an article about an old mansion in Chiang Mai being converted into a café. He sees the ghosts of people who died at the mansion, falls in love with one of them. Was substantially recast. I loved IFYLITA except the ending so I think I'll let this one run it's course you can tell me if it's work tracking down... if they managed to land it. I have my doubts.

Happy of the End (Japan Tues Gaga) - A boy is disowned for being gay, dumped by his boyfriend, and ends up in a dysfunctional co-dependant relationship with his would-be kidnapper. We were due for another messy JBL and it's exactly as expected. I do not like it at all. And ya know what? There is plenty airing. DNF 

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever (Korea iQIYI & Viki) 6 eps - Side couple from Unintentional Love Story, HoTae & DongHee, return for a spin off backstory show.

It started out fantastic. And it was a relief to have a good Korean BL finally back on my screen, even a high angst one. But I did spend a lot of time trying trying to figure out whether they’re going to rehash or reboot from the previous series. Are we in Between Us territory or Don't Say No or (heaven forbid) To My Star 2?

None of the above, it turns out.

This was a pure prequel about lost first love. As such, it has no real finale beyond what we got in ULS. Which, for this pair, wasn't satisfying. Putting my disappointment over this aspect aside, it is enjoyable on the strength of the characters, actors, and chemistry (if not story). Yes I said chemistry, the kissing is fantastic, sometimes KBL can do that. This one featured the "teach me to kiss trope"!!!! Plus language play. Both favorites of mine. It is all angst, ache, repression, and miles of subtext. It did fudge the ending by not skipping forward and over the events in ULS to depict what happened next (what, no year long time jump when we actually need it, Korea?) It's a worthy companion piece, but should be watched BEFORE ULS for maximum satisfaction, and even then you're going to be left feeling like HoTae & DongHee's relationship was never adequately discussed or depicted in order to achieve resolution.

The little cameo of my baby in ep 5 was much appreciated. But the motorcycle should’ve been set up a little bit more. Of course I wanted it to be about them getting together after the events in the first series. But this was all backstory from start to finish. And while it was good backstory, it wasn’t ultimately satisfying for these characters. Still it’s a good little series. 8/10 

Meet You at the Blossom (China) - I'm eating crow, binging the fucker, and live blogging. It's just taking me some time. This isn't really a bingable show, not for me anyway. It's A LOT to take all at once. No new one this week.

4 Minutes (Gaga) Ended - Spies reported in to say the ending was not-exactly-unhappy and mostly lackluster. I'm torn over whether to watch. My natural disinclination to binge, meets my dissatisfaction with wishy-washy, is going up against my love for fabulous high heat and pretty pretty men.

Mitsuya-sensei no keimakutekina ezuke finished and it’s reported to be solid. Age gap treated with respect. I'm curious, so I'll check it out. Not doing very well on binging and catching up but it's on the docket...

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Still Coming Sept 2024:

9/15 Love Sick 2024 (Thai Sun iQIYI) 15 eps - Remake of the original. I'm scared too.

9/15 Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) 10 eps - Assistant to a player boss who is in love with that boss decides to quit to save himself. The boss then makes a move. (A gay What's up with Secretary Kim?)

9/17 Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 10 eps - Lawyer and a con artist meet at a bar, pair up, fall in love.

9/28 Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YouTube) ?? eps - oh I don't know just Ba Vinh doing his thing with pretty boys again.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Love a teach me to kiss, teach me to fuck, whatever moment. (I Saw You In My Dreams sides)

Not gonna lie. I laughed. Addicted.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many at-ings.

[fizziepopangel]

A Fizzipop Take: Let’s talk about our first few episodes of Hazbin Hotel

We finally got what we’ve been craving: Hazbin Hotel the series!! I’ve watched and rewatched the the first four episodes that we were blessed with on Prime Video, and I definitely have some thoughts so as always, let’s get into it!!!

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!

Ok, so within these first few episodes, we find ourselves thrown into the aftermath of the most recent extermination and quickly learn that the angel army plans to move up the next extermination. Now, as the extermination is moved up, we learn that Hazbin Hotel, Charlie’s redemption project is struggling to get off the ground and the new impending extermination now cuts the time she has to find more redeemable demons and get them into heaven in half. On top of that, it seems that there may be a war coming following the death of an angel during the slaughter of the inhabitants of hell. 

First off, I’m not gonna bullshit you, pretty much every song in this show so far has been an absolute fucking hit. Like, an “I need this playing on repeat on my speaker” type vibe.

Moving on to the other stuff,  plot-wise, I love where it seems like things are going so far. Do I want a full-blown war between heaven and hell? I’m not sure yet since in the words of Carmilla, “Who’s to say who’d survive the fray…”, meaning in the midst of a war where sinners are slaughtered by holy weapons that take away their ability to regenerate, there’s no telling who would die. Would Vivzie kill off a main character? I’m not sure yet since we don’t have enough plot  to say how it could affect the storyline and at this moment, a lot of characters could very well be expendable to the plot. Although a war would be interesting, I fear that Hazbin could turn out the same way Helluva Boss did with certain characters being “main cast” but their storylines and backgrounds being completely overlooked, and I feel like in the event of a war, that would result in some fan favorites dying needlessly since they have no real storyline within the show. So far, it seems like each character has a uniquely complex personality and story, so as of now, I’m hopeful for the characters and their development in the Hazbin series.

Moving on to the characters! We have to give props to the voice actors for their amazing vocals and performances as these characters. I was a little skeptical when I found out that they were changing Husk’s voice actor from the pilot since he’s kinda my favorite, but I actually really like the essence his new actor gives the character. Overall, I think everyone’s voice fits them nearly perfectly, although I think Vaggie and Vox’s voices could fit them a little better (no shade to the actors, it’s just my opinion and it may change as I continue to watch the series). Aside from the voices, I love the personality of each character and how they all seem to mesh the way that they do and I’m excited to see how the relationships between different characters will blossom or break. The feud between Alastor and Vox, Husk and Angel’s friendship, and Carmilla’s angel ordeal are just a few of the relationships and plot points I’m the most excited for within the series. Part of me also hopes that we’ll see how each character ended up in hell from their own point of view.

Overall, I am in love with what we’ve been given so far and I’ve been left craving more like an addict (hehe, get it?). I cannot wait to see what the 5th episode will bring because if I’m honest, while I break things down and criticize the characters and such from time to time, Vivzie has rarely disappointed me with Helluva Boss and I don’t think Hazbin Hotel will be any different.

[arcielee]

Interview With a Writer

Time for another installment of my series Interview With a Writer with the talented, the wonderful @inthedayswhenlandswerefew. Thank you as always for your time and allowing this self-indulgent series to continue!

Dividers by @saradika 💜

Name: inthedayswhenlandswerefew

Story: Comet Donati

Paring: modern Aemond Targaryen x female!reader

Warnings: 18+ mature themes. Sex, drugs, boy bands. Be mindful of chapter warnings.

What inspired the plot for Comet Donati?

I think it will surprise absolutely no one when I say that Comet was born out of my love for One Direction. While I’m at work (I’m a high school teacher), I’ll often put on a Spotify playlist for me and the students to listen to. I like to change it up…for a few days we’ll listen to 80s rock, and then Beyoncé Radio, and then classical music, it’s always something different. At the very end of last school year in June, I got in the mood to revisit my love of One Direction. As I was listening to and falling in love with those songs all over again—History, No Control, Heart Attack, etc.—the idea of the HOTD characters being a boy band occurred to me, first as something ludicrous but then as a weird but potentially viable fic plot.

My long-time readers know that the first specific scene I envision is always one of the last scenes of a story, and while I was listening to that One Direction playlist one afternoon I saw the very end of Comet Donati: a girl on a farm looking out a kitchen window and watching Aemond return to her after a very fraught, magical, horrible, amazing summer touring with the band together. The very first sentence I wrote in my Word Doc was the last sentence of Chapter 10.

And thus, Comet arrived on Earth! :)

So the scene that inspired the rest of Comet Donati…

It was Aemond on that damn Gold Star motorcycle, which is another astronomy reference!

Are you always aware of how your stories will end? Or have you ever balked and changed something?

I always know the ending from the very start, and I’ve never changed one. Because I start writing with the end so clearly in mind, changing it would undermine a lot of the foreshadowing, themes, and character arcs that were present throughout the story, and would honestly feel totally disorienting to me. With that said, there are occasions when unexpected details pop up (ex. in Comet, Aemond clicking so well with Stargirl’s parents wasn’t something that I foresaw or really thought about before writing Chapter 9), but generally I have it all set it stone before the first chapter is ever posted.

Can you give us some insight on your interpretation of Aemond and Aegon?

Aegon and Aemond both have a lot of trauma (clearly), but they have adapted to survive it in completely different ways. Aemond is a brooding, perfectionist, desperately insecure person who lashes out like a wounded animal when he feels wronged. Aegon is the opposite. He directs his anxiety and self-loathing inwards harming only himself, and rarely shares it with anyone else (Stargirl of course is a massive exception).

While Aemond wants to be taken seriously, Aegon dives headfirst into his lackadaisical nature and exacerbates it, largely out of spite for Viserys and to a lesser extent Alicent and Otto. He is lazy, bombastic, rootless, chaotic, an unrepentant addict…and, in perhaps his greatest act of rebellion, someone who is genuinely affectionate and nonjudgmental. Aemond is fangs and claws and storms and wreckage; Aegon has this warm, contagious glow that distracts from his profound inner darkness.

Aemond is someone who always felt uncool, unloved, and unremarkable. At home he was mostly ignored by Viserys (despite Aemond’s attempts to bond with him). Alicent, while well-intentioned, was often distracted by her own marital unhappiness, and furthermore was emotionally closer to Helaena and Daeron than Aemond. At school, he didn’t make friends or get girls in the same effortless way that Aegon or Daeron did.

Like Aegon said in Chapter 3: “I had friends. He had grudges.” But when Aemond masterminded Comet and became an international popstar, he finally got the camaraderie and recognition he always craved, and for the first time in his life felt worthy of love. Losing all of that after the accident at the Budokan was psychologically devastating for him.

When he meets Stargirl, Aemond wants her in a way that is immediate, overpowering, and completely unlike anything he’s ever experienced before…but his fear of losing her—and his lifelong, intense phobia of rejection—sabotages their relationship over and over again.

Was there anything in specific that inspired Stargirl?

Stargirl is, and I say this with nothing but love, the most Hot Mess Express reader insert that I’ve written so far. She is very smart and intuitive, a natural therapist, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t routinely make questionable decisions while touring with the band.

She’s able to help others but struggles when it comes to protecting herself. I think that’s extremely relatable. I also love psychology as a discipline. I’m definitely not a professional; I’ve taken college-level psychology courses and taught it as a high school class, but I would never consider myself to be an expert. However, my interest in psychology (and in redeeming Sigmund Freud!) certainly bled into this fic.

As far as Stargirl’s backstory… I think that unfortunately, most women have had experiences when we were made to feel ashamed, unworthy, unlovable, immoral, etc. because of something related to our sexuality. It’s incredibly frustrating to see this repeat generation after generation. Stargirl has put a lot of time and effort into reprogramming herself from her fundamentalist Christian upbringing/community, and shedding that heartbreak and cynicism as much as possible. I think she’s an inspirational character, and a manifestation of my hope for our society’s future.

How does Stargirl complement Aemond? How does this compare to her relationship with Aegon?

Therapists have to be natural optimists, I believe. They have to be able to look at someone who is struggling and see the best in them, to envision a better path forward. When Stargirl meets Aemond in Rome, she genuinely—from the very first moment—cannot fathom thinking that he is unattractive or pitiful. She thinks he is fascinating, intelligent, talented, charming, and of course fine af (and we all agree!).

Her very first act is to put him at ease by addressing his scar/blindness immediately and in a way that is lighthearted and teasing without being cruel. Aemond is used to people either ignoring the accident entirely (awkward) or outright pitying him (even worse). Stargirl does neither.

Aemond is a source of strength for Stargirl; he is protective of her in a way that can override his own paranoia and resentment (ex. when he notices that she is crying on the jet in Chapter 5 or when he banishes Shelby in Chapter 8).

They share an organic chemistry and respect for each other that—over and over again—they have to fight their way back to. Both Stargirl and Aemond want to make the world a better place, albeit in entirely different ways, and I definitely see them turning into a bit of a power couple in that respect.

Stargirl’s relationship with Aegon is easier (as his demons present differently than Aemond’s), but also isn’t something that could ever become a stable, marriage-like partnership. Stargirl doesn’t desire Aegon in that way, nor is he equipped to be in a committed relationship with anybody (not even Selena Gomez!).

Yet fundamentally—no matter how many years or miles are between them—Aegon and Stargirl feel safe with each other. Aegon knows that Stargirl can see that he’s wounded and yet loves him unconditionally anyway. Stargirl knows that Aegon would never think less of her because of her sexuality or any other choices she might make in life. I think of them as platonic soulmates, which is a little bit inaccurate because they aren’t literally platonic. But they love each other in a way that is entirely separate from if/when/how they have sex and without ownership or expectations.

In the past, you created OCs that might prickle underneath our skin but we ended up loving them. Except for fucking Shelby. What inspired her?

I’ve had a few experiences recently that got me thinking about influencer culture and social media obsession. I think we all know people who put a ton of effort into crafting an online narrative that is radically different from their real life. Shelby is someone who rode the early influencer wave to stardom and now is kind of stuck. She doesn’t know how to create authentic experiences because she’s trained herself to manufacture them for years; similarly, she doesn’t know how to nurture genuine relationships. But Shelby also doesn’t know what comes next in her life. Aemond’s accident gives her a valuable rebranding opportunity: she can shift from “early-twenties hottie” to “self-sacrificing caretaker,” eventually evolving into wife and mommy blogging content. She clings to that so fiercely because she honestly, horrifyingly does not know who she is without a label her millions of subscribers/followers agree upon. And Shelby is willing to do some pretty deplorable things to try to keep Aemond away from Stargirl.

I think my own understanding of Shelby is actually a lot more compassionate than Comet readers might suspect. I don’t feel that she has any desire to harm Aemond, and on the contrary does care for him in the way that she knows how to. She’s definitely wrong for him, and she unintentionally massacres his mental health on a daily basis. But she really, truly thinks that she’s helping him by hiding his “humiliating” disability. She is so engrained in the shallow, deceptive, trope-conforming influencer lifestyle that whoever she was before has been entirely forgotten.

Were there any other characters in your story that you enjoyed writing?

Obviously, I adore the dynamics of the whole band. It was a nice change to write Team Black characters as good guys for the first time: Luke admiring and supporting Aemond in that worshipful sort of way, Rhaena being gentle and intuitive but also increasingly brave, Baela figuring out how to harness her natural assertiveness into advocating for her own ambitions.

Cregan’s dysfunctional childhood hits home for me in a lot of ways, and I absolutely loved him coming into his own as a good father both literally and as a father figure for Comet (especially with Aemond as he prepares for his own fatherhood journey!). Poor Criston definitely needs Cregan’s help parenting this boy band of feral raccoons. Criston is TIRED! Let the man rest!

Finally, I would like to shock everyone by announcing that Jace was one of my favorite parts of writing this fic. He’s a tool, but he also has lines that he won’t cross; way down deep somewhere, he has a fundamental and irrevocable love for Comet. Jace will taunt someone until they hit him, but he rarely hits back. Jace will poke fun at Aemond, but he is also sincerely disturbed by Shelby making Aemond so miserable. Jace body shames Aegon constantly, and yet he’s the one outside the hotel room in Chapter 8 frantically asking if Aegon is okay. Additionally, Jace is really into Stargirl in a way that is completely shameless, sometimes creepy, but also randomly insightful.

There are a lot of little moments of him being concerned about Aemond/Aegon/Stargirl throughout the fic if you look for them. Like, he breaks the awkward silence for Stargirl at the Vegas buffet. Jace is only 90% evil 🥰

I’ve also never gotten to write Jace like this before and I might never get to again, but I really enjoyed it.

As a writer, I think it is safe to say we constantly daydream. How do you know what stories need to be told?

I’ll use Comet as an example. So when I first started kicking around the HOTD boy band idea while listening to One Direction songs, I fully intended to save the potential fic for when Season 2 airs next summer. There was an essence of a story, a general vibe…touring, comets, drinks, smoke…yet it wasn’t urgent or tangible. But as soon as that last scene hit me out of nowhere—Aemond returning to the farm as a better man, riding his motorcycle with displaced snow billowing out behind him—Comet Donati as a story became vivid and real and all-consuming.

As soon as I see a scene like that, I know I have to write the story, and I usually begin immediately planning out chapters that same day. Ideas and vibes flit in and out of my mind all the time, but scenes demand to be written.

Would you ever want to revisit a story for an epilogue?

I won’t say I’ll never write an epilogue, because I suppose inspiration could strike unexpectedly. However, for me, where a story ends is truly the ending. I might have vague ideas about what happens next for certain characters, but I don’t usually see scenes or hear dialogue beyond the last chapter, so trying to write an epilogue would feel forced to me. If anything, I’m usually already in the mental headspace of a new story by the time I’m finishing up the current one! With that said, it’s super heartwarming when readers ask about epilogues, because I know that means they’ve grown to love these characters and aren’t ready to say goodbye yet.

If a reader has a question about what comes next for a character, they’re always welcome to send it my way, and I’ll answer to the best of my ability. 🥰

What is next for the wonderful Miss Maggie?

So, as usual, too many things to possibly keep up with! I have a few original novel projects floating around. But… most relevant to Tumblr… I also have two (yes, TWO!!!) new House Of The Dragon fic ideas that I’m really excited about.

Just last week, one of these ideas turned into a must-write-immediately type of story when I saw the final scene while driving home from work and listening to Fall Out Boy’s second album, From Under The Cork Tree. I’ve had that album on repeat ever since!

It’s always daunting to start a new series; the time commitment is stressful, and there’s a fear of rejection as well. I remember being absolutely terrified to post the first chapter of Comet Donati because I felt like it was so different in tone from NICIY, and I worried that my readers wouldn’t connect with it. But Comet ended up working out in the long run, so I’m trying to use that lesson to talk myself out of any self-doubt.

This new series is going to be very different from Comet in both setting and tone. It’s going to be long, around 15 chapters.

And for more details, you’ll have to check back on Sunday, September 10th! :)

[away-ward]

What do you think would have happened if Will or Emmy did reach out to each other during those nine years apart ?

Ohh, thanks for playing!

It would depend on when they reached out! For ease, I’ll say what if they reached out when Will was first released from prison, because the number of times I’ve daydreamed about Will walking out of the prison gates and seeing Emory leaning against a car, waiting for him, or alternatively, the number of times I thought of him getting on a plane the moment they realized Rika wasn’t their target and he’s not so angry anymore and he just wants to know Emmy is okay is…not a small amount.

If Emory was the first to reach out when Will was released, I think Will would have avoided most, if not all, of his addictions. Also his close relationship to Alex. I think Alex would have still been involved, but their relationship would have been very different.

From the start, Emory coming to Will and admitting that her actions contributed to why he was sent away, and giving her reasons, would have appeased Will. I don’t believe he ever regretted beating Martin and serving time for her; it was that she lied and then kept silent about it. So, speaking up would actually bypass him getting angry at all.

After that, I think he would let her in on their revenge plan for Rika…which Emory would immediately question. Similar to Rika questioning Will’s burning the gazebo and not standing for it, Emory wouldn’t just go along with what she’s told. She also wouldn’t just stand-by and let them go after Rika just because they’re mad. More than likely, she would have just approach Rika and asked what happened that night. Emory knows things aren’t always what they seem. Along with that, she had the conversation with Trevor about the phone. Getting Rika’s story, knowing that she gave Trevor the idea, and knowing that there was a plot to put the boys in prison because of her last conversation with Martin, it points them in the right direction a lot earlier in the story than Corrupt did.

I’m up in the air of whether Emory goes back to Berkley to finish her education, or if she transfers. Same with if she admits that she loves him at this point or not. Obviously, for the series sake, they would probably profess their love, and she would transfer to Trinity, giving up her scholarship to be closer to Will. But the Emmy enthusiast in me says make Will sacrifice; the girl’s got things to do and has worked too hard to give it all up. He can either move or wait for her.

Side Note: I kinda love the idea of him waiting for her. Gives the series time to progress and even though she wouldn’t be featured as often as I’d like, it’s the best of both worlds for me. She doesn’t give up her plans for Will and she also gets to be pulled in when the plot thickens, probably providing obvious points that the boys missed because they’re focused on all the wrong things. Even if Will and Emory put their relationship “on hold” while she finished her education, I think Will would have remained loyal to her. This kind of long distance/on hold status is different than what they had in high school. I imagine Will would make great use of his family’s private jet, flying both of them across country whenever convenient.

Overall, with this change, we get a healthier Will as well as a clearer understanding that there was a plan to put the boys in prison, and not just Trevor acting out of jealousy.

Things that would remain unchanged: Damon, and any of his story lines.

If Will is the one to reach out first, I don’t think much would change for him. In fact, I think he might get worse. Will has no outside information to help him understand the situation he’s in with Emory. As far as he knows, she opened up to him for one night, and then completely shut down again. She didn’t visit him in prison, or write letters, so she must not care at all. Going to San Francisco, even with the intent of just checking up on her, might not work out well for him.

Emory has the ability to close off her emotions and go through the motions of life. At the time of his release, Emory would have been in her third year at Berkley. She’d have a lot on her plate, so from the outside, she might not appear greatly affected by him and what’s going on in Thunder Bay at all, which would hurt him more than if she were visibly upset.

Similar to what I wrote in MNA, even if Will just wanted to check on her, he’d be unable to resist the impulse to talk to her. This is a bad idea for him, because Emory was anticipating hid coming for revenge sooner or later and might be fearful of him. She might be scared his anger is like Martin’s – and after seeing him in the wrestling room and knowing what he did to Martin, she has reason to believe could be. Still, with Will, Emory was never able to back down and pacify him. So, while on the inside she’s scared, she would still fight back.

It could be that she accidentally tells him about the letter, and that’s what sets him off. At this point, I can see him dragging her back to Thunder Bay so they all could deal with her, as Kai and Damon deserve their pound of flesh. Michael too, since the lie about him sharing her with his friends involved him as well. As I said above, I think Will would only go to Emory after dealing with Rika, because that was his main focus getting out of prison. So, this plot would probably take the place of Hideaway in the order of things. Eventually, as with the whole series, it leads to them figuring things out, getting over petty emotions and jealousy, and coming back together as a solidified unit. Moves things along with the Martin plot.

Which would be interesting!

In Kill Switch, Rika gave Damon information on Winter’s father because Winter’s father betrayed Rika’s dad on some business deal or something. It would probably change things if Rika learned earlier on that Martin was the one who cut the breaks on her dad’s car, which caused accident that killed him and injured her. I think the whole crew at that point would probably redirect their attention to taking down Martin, which would probably lead them to Crist even earlier. This leaves Gabriel and Damon for their last antagonist.

I will always think Emory and Will would have worked it out. That’s the willemmy in me. But if Emory comes forward first with the information she has, they save themselves a lot of pain. With Will seeking her out, things still get done. It just hurts a little bit more.

I guess this ask game wasn’t as good as I thought it was, but I am really grateful for you playing! Let me know if you have any thoughts on what I said. I’m interested in how others thing the plot would change if this happened.

[nullshocked]

Six Song Soundtrack Playlist

Tagged by @gravedigg

Doing this for Julien as requested uwu I'll go in depth below the cut.

1. An event that defines your character's past

Undress me, the lights low. I’m dying in your bedroom Your passion, your eyes close and I've been so low I saw your skin from the back and it freed me I saw your face in the soul…

2. How your character sees themselves

Hard headed Difficult person I’m sought after I guess Couldn’t care less Its Been nice Wasting All your time

3. How others view them

You're desperate in finding something else to please you You've been searching your whole life Something to mute, change, or just distract you Something to put inside you to give the illusion of life Cause you've always been barely alive

4. Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic)

I don't want to hold back I don't want to slip down I don't want to think back to the one thing that I know I should have done I don't want to doubt you Know everything about you I don't want to sit across the table from you wishing I could run

5. A major fight scene

I wish I had a reason My flaws are open season For this, I gave up trying One good turn deserves my dying

6. End credits song

Suffering that I see all around It's enough to keep me crashing down 'Til I, I'm wrecked and wreathing from these falls Still I believe there's a wood in the wire And I believe there's a way through the fire And I, believe, there's a joy that blooms beyond these walls

1. An event that defines your character's past

There's a lot of different ones, but the one that really kind of changed the direction of his life was the first time he ever did drugs and the series of events that followed. It led directly to his addiction, the manipulation, to being used the way he was, and hindsight has given him a lot of time to stew on those feelings. COOL.

2. How your character sees themselves

An object to be played with, used, and then discarded at the end of the night. A pretty doll to make people smile, and whose own feelings, desires, and needs corrupt and damage everyone around him. Yeah he's fine.

3. How others view them

A bit of a mess, desperately scrambling to appear normal and constantly failing. (Particularly how his surrogate big-sister and surrogate big-sister-in-law view him, not as pathetic exactly but like... yeagh,,,,)

4. Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic)

Okay so first of all. I can just vividly picture Julien singing along to this on the radio and holding Angel's hands and doing a little dance with it. Because he's a fucking dweeb. (Angel thinks it's endearing.) But also because like.... there's this sentiment of not wanting to worry about other stuff and just love someone with his whole heart. And he does. :)

5. A major fight scene

So there was a time where he was fighting for his life, but it didn't really involve an actual fight. You can extrapolate from there.

6. End credits song

Hope in seemingly hopeless times, and grasping onto little glimmers of happiness wherever you can find them. It's an important theme to Julien's story, I think.

I'll tag @patchworkgargoyle, @thetalee and @durgeteriormotives (Unless y'all have already done it. Or just don't want to. Live your best life.)

[profiterole-reads]

2022 Favourites

In no particular order. This is content I've read and watched in 2022, not necessarily content released in 2022.

Books

1. A Taste of Gold and Iron by Alexandra Rowland: m/m heroic fantasy + non-binary characters. This was one of my most expected novels of the year and I was fully satisfied with the result. One of the protagonists suffers from severe anxiety.

2. [French] L’Héritage des Rois-Passeurs by Manon Fargetton: portal fantasy with a lesbian protagonist. The French language in the secondary world is different, but I don't know if the author invented the variations or based them on something real.

3. Sword Dance by AJ Demas: m/nb historical fantasy. This trilogy takes place in a fictional world based on Ancient Greece. It's a delightful mix of intrigue and domesticity shenanigans.

4. The Hollow Star Saga by Ashley Shuttleworth: f/f and m/m urban fantasy (YA). This series about the fae also includes a touch of Greek mythology. I care a lot about all the characters.

5. Youngblood by Sasha Laurens: f/f urban fantasy (YA). This is my favourite queer vampire novel. It's an excellent mix of vampire lore, romance and mystery.

6. The Magic Between by Stephanie Hoyt: m/m magical realism. The characters have superpowers, but it's not superhero fiction. It's a fun bi4bi romance.

7. One Verse Multi by Sander Santiago: m/m/m science fiction with a trans male protagonist. This is my favourite read of the year. I loved the science in this story and how the author played with the Mandela effect (false memories shared by many people).

8. Safe and Sound by EM Lindsey: m/m romance. This is a very moving hurt & comfort novel. This author always does a great job with the intersectionality of queerness and disability, deafness and vertigo in this case.

9. If You Still Recognise Me by Cynthia So: f/f romance. This novel is about identity (queer, but also British and Cantonese) and fandom.

10. [Spanish] Anne sin Filtros by Iria Parente and Selene Pascual: f/f/m romance with a trans male protagonist (YA). This novel is also about queerness and fandom. I've read several books by these authors and this is my fave.

 TV shows

1. Ancient Detective: murder mystery/wuxia with BL vibes + a non-binary character in the last few episodes. While this c-drama is mostly m/f, I appreciated the queer touches, as well as the complex plot.

2. Legend of Yunze: GL wuxia. This c-drama is a quick watch, with episodes that are only a few minutes long. What's nice is that the f/f is not very censored for a Chinese show.

3. The Lost Tomb/DMBJ franchise: adventure/fantasy with BL vibes. This c-drama franchise kept me busy for a good part of the year and I estimate that I've seen about half of it. It covers a genre that is relatively rare in Western shows.

4. Bulgasal: urban fantasy with a queer-coded villain. Sure, queer-coded villains aren't the best form of representation, but the one in this k-drama is very well-written. The reincarnation plot is fascinating as well.

5. Vampire Academy: urban fantasy with some f/f and some m/m (YA). I loved the movie way back and I'm glad that they've added queer representation to the show, even though it would have been even better if they had made the Lissa/Rose subtext canon.

6. Wednesday: murder mystery/urban fantasy with a probably a-spec protagonist (YA). This is a delightful adaptation of the Addams Family, true to the old movies.

7. Love in the Air: BL romance. This addictive Thai drama is my favourite show of the year. Payu/Rain are my fave couple, they're so playful and loving. For Prapai/Sky, there's a lot of hurt & comfort, which gave me so many feels.

8. Semantic Error: BL romance. This k-drama's protagonist is on the autism spectrum. It's enemies-to-lovers, or rather annoyances-to-lovers.

9. She Makes My Heart Flutter: GL romance. This k-drama is a quick watch. I love that it mostly focuses on sapphic friendships.

10. Heartstopper: m/m romance with some f/f and a trans girl (YA). I love the webcomic and the adaptation is really well done. It's such a sweet story.