#it’s a lot longer than I expected too

[robiinurheart33]

Ghoap as Once more to see you by Mitski

“In the rear view mirror, I saw the setting sun on your neck

And felt the taste of you bubble up inside me”

Ghost always thought of Johnny as something that could never be diminished, never replaced, never dimmed. An unstoppable force of nature. The very definition of the sun to him.

Johnny blazed beautifully. He brought life and colour to everything around him, even to ghost. He thought of mortals that worshipped sun gods, that thanked them for bringing life around them, how they brought upon the very beginning of humanity. Ghost feels his hard ridges melt away in Johnny’s warmth, how he brought his humanity back to him. He doesn’t even know how he did it. It was like second nature to soap, breathing the life back to Simon. It was like nothing to soap. It was the whole world to Simon.

It was acidic, the way he felt about soap. It burned through his skin, sticky-sweet, and made a home in his body. It clung and absorbed itself into his bones, merged and became part of his DNA. It stabbed into the very core of his being, infecting him. He hated it, hated the way it made his heart clench and his throat close up whenever he saw Johnny.

He hated it.

“But with everyone watching us, our every move

We do have reputation.”

Soap knows Ghost has a irrefutable reputation. Something that he didn’t have to fake, he is and always will be the Ghost. He’s violent, and bloody, and he’s always being watched with a thousand eyes. Around the base, in the cameras, by higher ups. It’s a precaution the undead have to deal with. It’s a precaution that’s strangely similar to a prisoner. The thought makes uneasiness curl in soap’s gut, making him scratch the nape of his neck in irritation, grimacing.

Ghost has always been just out of reach. Being a private, hearing rumours of a massive killing machine roaming around SAS, a distant thought of maybe rising high enough in the ranks to actually meet the guy. He wouldn’t live long enough for me to meet him. Some part of him snorts. But actually seeing him, a 6’2 wall of muscle and broodiness, soap knew then that he was irrevocably fucked.

Soap isn’t stupid. In fact, he can confidently say he’s a smart ass cookie. Which is why he knows he absolutely cannot risk Ghost getting compromised just for soap’s selfishness. Soap is glaringly aware of the eyes staring down at Ghost, and by default, at him. Soap is his Sargent. Soap is his friend. Soap is his…his.?

Soap scratches at the nape of his neck, picking at a scab and drawing blood.

“We keep it secret, won’t let them have it

So come inside and be with me, alone with me”

Graves. Shepard. Laswell. Even Price. Ghost knows what they have is fragile, bubble light and just as explosive as anything he could come up with. He trusted Price, he did. But ever since that mission with graves where everything went to shit, he keeps thinking of Johnny, his Sargent alone and hurt, in a village filled with shadows, just barely scraping past losing more and more blood the longer he stays there.

Ghost doesn’t trust anyone. Not even himself. He places his whole heart, his life, his mind, his body, his everything to Soap, whatever he wants, he’ll do it. Before soap, he’s always been good at being a weapon, a mutt if he thinks about it long enough. To his Dad, to Roba, to Shepard. He knows what it feels like to be dehumanised, desenitised to whatever the hell people see him as. A monster, a spirit, an unknown. He doesn’t care.

But.

Soap does. He does care. And fuck, if that doesn’t break down every single god-damned wall he meticulously built up to completely sweep him away and keep him safe. Alone. Together. Just them and no one else. He knows he doesn’t need anything else he doesn’t want anything else he just. Wants. Johnny. Johnny might not belong to him, but Simon knows that every single atom of himself belongs to johnny.

Ghost knows better than anyone else how dangerous it is to be associated with him. And he won’t let the same thing that happened to his family happen to Johnny. So he does the opposite of what his heart wants. He keeps his distance, doesn’t talk more than necessary, showing everyone that they’re just teammates, friendly only for the sake of the task force.

But under closed doors, in the private channel, ghost lets Simon loose. He holds Johnny tight, he tucks his head into the crook of his neck, and he relaxes. Simon felt like a snake, twisting and turning, gripping harder and harder into his desire. Here, where the world is only him and Johnny, Simon takes his time. He gets lazy and carefree as much as he gets, sinks into the solid warmth of Johnny’s presence. Alone. Together.

“If you would let me give you pinky promise kisses”

There was a certain desperation that always came with the job. Soap knows that. He just never thought it would be like this. Heart aching- quiet sobs- the demand to be violent, the all encompassing love that came with it. Soap always knew he was messed up, no one would willingly sign up their life to die if they weren’t a little fucked up in the head. But god, it was- should be concerning to Soap how far he would go to to keep Ghost safe. To keep them safe. Ghost was no softie, the thought of it is laughable, but Soap has always been aggressively protective- even possessive of what he thinks he should stand up to. He’s unwaveringly loyal, both a valuable asset and his greatest flaw.

Soap wants to dig his nails into Ghost so hard his pale skin tears, sink his teeth into his jugular until his entire mouth is filled with his blood, meld their ribs together and press his heart right against Simon’s cold, beating one. Soap wants to tuck his head into the crook of Simon’s neck, fling a leg over his and feel his chest slowly rising and falling. He wants to share their body heat, entangle their legs, so that he cannot tell where Johnny ends and where Simon begins. He wants, he wants, he wants.

“Then I wouldn’t have to scream your name

Atop of every roof in the city of my heart”

Ghost had never felt an emotion as strong as this. It felt uncomfortably similar to anger, or his anxiety. It poked and prodded at his heart, his lungs, his throat. His gut churned nervously and he felt like throwing his head on the nearest solid surface over and over again. His intrusive thoughts became even more uncontrollable, the violent nature of his animalistic side howling in excitement.

Every time someone laughed with or touched soap, he could feel his subconscious screaming in protest, to gnash his teeth at anyone who dared get close to soap. He felt like a disobedient dog, nipping at soap’s feet for an ounce of attention.

He felt feral, like he wasn’t completely himself and it scared him. Every time he spots a mercenary sneak up behind soap during a mission, his heart screams and his hand lines up immediately and shoots on instinct, as simple as breathing.

“Good shot, L.t.” Soap breathes.

He only grunts in reply, his mind crooning.

Of course. I wouldn’t ever miss. Not if it’s for you. Only for you. Just for you, Johnny. I would do anything.

Ghost compartmentalises, pushing that part of him deep, deep down.

“Keep it tactical, Sargent.”

He wishes he could do the same.

“If I could see you

Once more to see you”

Soap knows Ghost is beautiful. He doesn’t need to see his real face to know. It’s in the way he carries himself, his thick British accent, the arrogant quirk of his eyebrow that shifted under his mask. He never had any urge to take a peek at his face under that mask, always respected his boundaries, always stayed fairly within line.

But during the mission in Las Almas, where Ghost had so unwaveringly pulled off his mask, Johnny felt like his whole world had been shaken. Maybe it was because Ghost was his whole world Soap had been obsessed ever since. The crooked curve of his nose, his clipped and messy dirty blonde hair, the slight curve of his Cupid’s bow on his upper lip, the jagged scar that had been carved into pale, almost sickly skin. It was all so utterly Simon. Soap felt unhealthily obsessed. Genuinely, he thought that he could not be any more head over heels, and he goes and does this.

It was stupid how eager Soap was to draw his face. It was like he was a puppet on a string, pulled by his untethered compulsiveness. He had to be cautious. He yearned rip off the mask Ghost has just put on again to kiss him stupid in front of everyone. 141, maybe. But not the Los Vaqueros. He does have that sliver of sanity to hold himself back. But god, if that doesn’t just open up a door of opportunities for him behind closed doors. The extra areas of skin that were now not so unreachable was like dangling a candy in front of a child and expecting them to not take it.

Simon is beautiful. Simon is so pretty. Simon’s stunning. Pure Bonnie.

Soap wills himself to shut the fuck up and focus on the mission. He wants to see Simon again. Preferably, in a setting with more light. Soap feels like he’s rediscovering ghost all over again, he wants to see his smile, his annoyed expression, his huffs and grunts, everything on his face. Good lord, does he have dimples? Soap thinks he might just die.

The act of seeing ghost’s skin lights something in soap. He doesn’t know what it is, but he feels the impatience and desperation to find out what it is. He grapples and tries to identify it, but like his callsign, it slips away and he’s left with a frustratingly empty feeling he knows only ghost can fill. I’ll find out. I swear, I’ll find it out.

Soap has never been a patient man.

[gay-little-izzet]

I would absolutely love to see your take on a Hades style Elspeth!

Here goes! I know I brought it up, but it’s my first time trying this style so I don’t think it’s quuuite there yet. I still like how this came out!

Even if it means I’m still exploring the style, I wanted to draw Elspeth first, because of the whole escaping Erebos schtick. I could totally see her as the protagonist of a Hades sort of game (that’s why I didn’t draw her with a weapon—I figured since she has multiple, she’d need a weaponless pose)

I know it’s not perfect, but I really had fun trying to replicate this art style 😅

[fistfuloflightning]

I’ll never get there, but if I put the work in, maybe I’ll get close enough that I can chase just behind perfection — and have a front-row seat as you achieve it.

Chapter 20, Cultivate by @neonghostcat

[wendytestabrat]

ya'll underestimate how good of a liar kyle can be

[faunandfloraas]

It is kinda funny seeing people talk about Seungmin lately because he definitely has gotten more bold and confident for sure. He's also just getting opportunities to be perceived as an individual on his own as well for the first time in a while but it's still jarring to see people be like Aw he was always such a quiet goodie two shoes little nerd and it's like...... he was the one to leave and seek out his own vocal coach and blatantly talk about it, which of course lead to I.N and Lee Know also doing the same, he was the one to go on bubble and tell off sasaengs who used to camp outside their old dorm for invading members privacy but also because it effected other residents and staff at the complex, something that i'm certain upper management wouldnt have been happy about, and he wasn't curt or nice about it either. like he's never actually been a wallflower, he's always had a pretty strong backbone and seems to stick to his principals, its not really new.

[arcanacenturia]

GOOD OMENS 2 SPOILERS

Something's so not right in S2 though.

The only time we "see" God is whenever she talks to Job and just blabbers stuff at him because she's bored af and doesn't have anybody to speak with except maybe the Metatron.

When Aziraphale tries to talk directly to God in S1, the Metatron tells him "Speaking to me is speaking to God" and categorically refuses to listen to Aziraphale's request.

That's weird. That's so weird.

We have no proof that he's actually relaying all this information to God. She hasn't appeared to anyone in centuries. He's also aware of Aziraphale's will to stop the arma-fucking-geddon.

He's aware of Azi's relation to Crowley.

As I've seen stated somewhere on Tumblr earlier, he's aware that just by trying to perform a teeny tiny miracle together they performed a huge ass one that triggered alarms in Heaven and succeeded in separating the two, because he's aware, and could be scared, of their combined powers.

Okay but why would he need to separate them?

A second too late, he told Aziraphale about The Second Coming, which is most likely linked to a new Armageddon again.

Related to that, we never heard God herself about the destruction of earth. Anything said about it is told by other characters. Note to myself: list up who talked about it.

The Metatron seems to be hiding something. Unlike the other (arch-)angels he's not naïve, he wears a black coat, he doesn't sugarcoat his speech to humans (and my synesthesia says he speaks Spiky, and not a good spiky).

I think it's also noteworthy that Crowley & Aziraphale don't communicate, not with words, Crowley never told Aziraphale about what Gabriel told him but he also never told Aziraphale what he found out about Gabriel in S2. He never told Aziraphale that his bosses were planning to restart Armageddon until Gabriel went Nah, that it's the reason the Metatron demoted him. He demoted the current Prince of Heaven for stopping it, then promoted Aziraphale, who is a lot more tame and also has been a cause of Armagenope to fail, to lead it.

I don't think Crowley fell because he asked questions to God. I think he sauntered vaguely downwards because he asked too many questions to the Metatron, that would put his plan in danger.

This bitch is SHADY AS FUCK and I'm honestly so eager, so curious to see what he (and season 3) is going to bring us. I wonder if he's lived among the humans, too. Besides, I feel like he's going to try (and maybe manage) and use Azi as his marionnette for whatever stuff he's preparing.

And I feel whatever he's preparing is really against God.

Thank you Neil Gaiman for this ending because even if it HURTS it's so interesting. There are so many things that could be going on behind the heartbreak. I could be going on about how Crowley probably even found out part of what happened. I've seen people speculate with good arguments that Crowley lost part of his memory after falling, and if it is the case that could be another thing done to prevent Crowley from stopping the Metatron.

There is SO MUCH that could be, so much that WILL be, and so little that we can know.

No matter in what form, I'm so excited to see how this will develop in the future.

[blueepink07]

Yuno's birthday is today, so I decided that I wanted to post something for her! I quite struggled to find a topic to talk about, because there are already many analyses of her birthday art, so I decided to take a look at the interrogation questions, and found something really interesting!

(not sure if it's a tw, but I talk about some negative aspects of society and some more or less sad things that life has to offer!)

"How many years do you want to live?"

Considering that with every birthday you are aging up, I wanted to do a short character analysis for Yuno, and reasons for why her answer makes sense. (Also, I felt like this answer of hers was overlooked a little!)

1. Yuno is a realistic person: she stated it herself in the interrogation questions and actively shows this in the voice dramas

"A realistic person is someone who believes that the world has a certain way of working and is willing to accept it. Realists are the people who believe that the world is not perfect and that there will be problems. They are not idealistic and have few unrealistic expectations."

In the first VD, Yuno shows understanding of how the real world works, how people act in certain situations, judge their peers for their own selfishness, to feel better about themselves. Yuno, despite her young age, already grasped the negativity traits of the society and how themselves are the cause of the enclosure of their minds and specific features in order to fit to what is considered the norm and morally accepted.

However, she thinks different in comparison with the majority. Yuno lives for fun, she wants to experience exciting things! She wants to avoid boring activities or situations. Problems or any kind of inconvenience are considered bothersome.

And there are plenty examples for that!

Yuno second voice drama:

"Yuno: I said so at the start, didn’t I? That punishing people outside of the law is boundless. And so I had no interest in Milgram.

Es: Yes, I remember. You said that you would pay my judgment no mind and remain as you were.

Yuno: Oh! That’s right! I’m happy you remembered. But, you know, I didn’t exactly hate it, Milgram. It’s nothing but weird people but it was warmer than my day-to-day life.

Es: It did appear as though you were having fun.

Yuno: Yes, it was fun! They may be murderers, but they’re interesting people! It puts me at ease, in a way, that we’re all people lacking in something.

Es: You are saying that that changed and it’s my fault?

Yuno: Yep! This situation’s bothersome-ness has won out over the fun so I am extremely cooled off. That is all."

During first trial, Yuno felt accepted in a group where everyone was lacking something. They are all murderers, so they can't be considered the norm or morally accepted. It was a mutual understanding that they are all different, they did something unusual, and so, for Yuno the atmosphere felt nice, calming. She always felt excited, because Milgram was a nice change of place for her, different from the judgemental people from outside who were bounded by the rules.

That's why she is expressing her total distaste towards Es's actions. They are the same as the society: judging the prisoners constantly, enforcing rules and punishments which are constraining their lives in Milgram.

Moreover, because of the first trial results, the prison is no longer a safe place, because of the conflicts that arose between characters, for example: Kotoko's rampage, Amane and Shidou.

If during the first trial, they were all the same, some people stuck in a weird prison, due to their unusual actions, in second trial, they were divided into two groups: forgiven and guilty, resulting in having different treatment, creating an imbalance between them.

The forgiven prisoners, although they still lack a certain something or desire, with an innocent verdict, it diminished a little that feeling of emptiness, happy that there is someone who understands them.

Haruka second voice drama

Haruka: I wanted to thank you, Warden-san!

Es: Thank me?

Haruka: Because you forgave me, Warden-san!

Es: …

Haruka: Because you told me that what I did wasn’t wrong…! That’s what changed me! I was saved by you, Warden-san…

Muu second voice drama

Muu: Ah, it’s been a while, Warden-san. – Things have gotten tough, haven’t they… Everyone seems to be struggling and the whole atmosphere feels tense because everyone’s struggling, it’s really troublesome.

Es: Is that so?

Muu: But as for me, I think Milgram has become a lot more comfortable! I know now that I can get whatever I want if I ask for it, so I don’t need to be so on edge anymore.

Or it evoked a new purpose in their life, a new change in their mindset.

Shidou second voice drama

Shidou: I need to be punished… but I need to stay alive, or young lives will be lost. I… I don’t know what to wish for anymore. I’m starting to think… that I want to live. That I want to be forgiven. Despite being so riddled with sins…!

The guilty prisoners, however, if they lacked something before, now that feeling is amplified. Some of them lost confidence of their initial thoughts, are broken and injured.

For Yuno, this imbalance of treatment between prisoners is similar with how people are acting in the real world. Those who have it better tend to turn a blind eye towards the problems. They are aware of them, but most of the time, don't act to resolve them, because it isn't a concern, or there must be someone who can take care of it. Sometimes, people tend to judge those who have it worse, because there it always must be a reason for why they are in such a difficult situation, most probably it's their own fault.

Yuno, herself, doesn't really like to associate with bothersome situations and problems, but she knows when she needs to take responsibility and will do anything to assure that her family and friends are in good health. When Shidou is not around, Yuno is the one who keeps Mahiru company and makes sure that she is fine!

In a way, it makes sense why Yuno dislikes Haruka and Muu. Although they know about these problems in prison, they were never seen trying to help a little, always living in their own bubble! Muu's lack of concern in this situation annoys Yuno, as it easily resembles the way society is.

Muu: The ones who are suffering are the ones who have done bad things, right? You know, like, what goes around comes around.

Es: …

Muu: Besides, Kotoko hurt and was mean to the people who didn’t get forgiven by you, right?

Es: …Yeah.

Muu: Wouldn’t it be weird for me to have any thoughts on that, then? After all, I didn’t do anything wrong. You forgave me!

Moreover, Yuno is an expert at reading the atmosphere and changing the way she acts based on which person she is with or situation, something that Muu doesn't really bother with.

Muu and Yuno timeline post

"Mu: Hey~~~Isn’t everyone a bit gloomy lately? I get that this situation isn’t ideal, but you’re really bringing down the mood for my birthday.

Yuno: Haha, surely even you can tell now’s not really the time for something like that right. Nobody’s really in the mood, or rather nobody has time time to deal with something like that."

It gets quite long, so I'll get to the point! Explaining why Yuno hates the society, makes sense for why she answered like this! She gives herself enough time to experience adulthood, as she wants to have a job which would interest her and still wants to experience some fun along with it! But she doesn't see herself as spending so much time in a world like this. Because it's too serious, too complicated and at a certain point, she'll get completely bored of it!

"Do you have any dreams for the future?"

2. As the years pass, you grow older and such have more problems or struggles. Financial issues, stress at job, taking care of the house, maintaining relationships can be more harder, feeling of loneliness.

Moreover, 40 years old is in average almost half of the lifetime for humans. In the second half, you start to experience a decline in health, meaning more stress and pain.

Describing all these in such a negative light really looks like there is a lot of hassle...

As I stated before, Yuno would dislike all these problems, it deprives her from the fun time and from the warmth she is actively seeking for.

Also, this timeline conversation with Amane, let us see an interesting part of her character!

"Yuno: Sorry for barging in when you’re getting into your worldview thing. But Mahiru-san’s finally managed to get to sleep. Humour me with some small talk while I take a break.

By the way, Amane. Have you ever wished you were never born? I’ve thankfully lived a pretty fun life so far, so haven’t really. But you seem to be struggling with something. So I kinda wondered if you thought like that."

It's human nature to wish to escape from this world, every time you reach a difficult point in life.

It seems that Yuno quite thinks the same. Despite not experiencing this feeling, because, so far, she had lots of fun, she doesn't have much interest in living in a world where there are many problems. She doesn't want to struggle much, so adulthood, if she's unlucky and doesn't fulfil her wish of having an interesting job, would not be very exciting...

Also, she doesn't have a positive world view when it comes to hardships.

Yuno first voice drama

"Yuno: Hm~What's this? A lecture? Are you a believer in Seishinron? I hate them more than anything else, you know?"

She's realistic, this kind of belief is used to motivate people in order to work more. It's an idolized version of the world, in Yuno's opinion. Already having this mindset, means that she is aware that not every future problem can be solved. Health problems? It depends a lot of the circumstances, but unfortunately, not always they can be overcomed. Stress at job? Or it's just a temporary event, or it is the norm. The option would be to find something else, but that also means again stress and sometimes is very difficult to find.

Anyway, Yuno gives herself time to experience adulthood, but doesn't want to spend much time as an adult.

3. Old people are most of the time treated as nuisances by the society...

And the way they are depicted, is something that Yuno would never want to be referenced!

Weak, frail, feeble... Financially distressed.... It reminds me of a certain line...

"Yuno: I’m not pitiable. My family gets along super well. And I’m not particularly struggling for money. I decided, of my own free will, to do it because I felt that it was necessary for me."

People tend to remember relatives mostly by the last moments of their life, usually when they are old. Yuno doesn't want to be remembered as weak, old or fragile! She wants to be remembered as a strong person, smart and fun to engage with! That’s why she would rather live a shorter, healthy life, than to be considered something that she hates.

4. In most cases, when people reach adulthood, they see their parents growing old. They are struggling due to health issues and, as their child, it can be hard to watch something like this. Also, you have this anticipation that one day, you'll never see them again.

Despite 40 years old it's not the most predominant age when it comes to family loss, there are still many people that experience grieving at younger ages.

Yuno cares deeply about her family, as stated in interrogation questions and minigrams. For her, the idea of losing a family member will be very sad and painful, a concept that she doesn't want to think of!

Interrogation question examples:

"What do you think about your family?"

"Is there someone you want to see right now?"

"Imagine you receive 1.000.000 yen that you must spend right now: what would you use them for?"

"If you had one wish, what would you use it for?"

If I think about it, Yuno has the most interrogation questions in which she is talking about her family!

Also, the minigram in question in which is shown her wholesome bound with her brother!

40 years old would be the perfect age in order for Yuno to not see her family members being in pain or, worse, losing them...

I hope I gave a good insight of Yuno's character and explained why this answer makes so much sense!

Thank you for reading! ~ 🎂

[aibouart]

admittedly, i am afraid to talk about this, but have wanted to for a long while. i don't see a lot of people discuss this kind of thing, but i decided to do so for the me who was struggling and didn't know. also i have no idea where i am going with this and it's very late for me rn so here's a whole ass ramble on vent art. and also a bit more on how it's impacting how i view my art, now. i am terribly sorry if it's not very cohesive, my thoughts on it aren't yet cohesive either WOOPS

i wanted to talk a bit about how vent art really impacted my mental health, and how the idea that art needs some kind of meaning to have meaning really has been weighing on me lately (i know this is a concept i am assigning to my work and is not actually the norm/standard expectation of others consuming art. but it IS a sentiment i have seen enough that does impact me).

i want to specify, obviously i am not saying vent art is bad.

nor that doing vent pieces, or vent blogs, will ultimately result in what i went through for a number of years. rather, that this did happen to me, and there is a near impossible chance i am a unique case in any experience i will ever have. if you do vent art and it helps you, that's good! im not judging anyone for anything here. if your experience does not match my own, that's what it's like to be human~. i am not invalidating anyone on purpose by sharing my own experience. sorry for the insane disclaimer but it will eat me alive if i go to sleep thinking "what if they think x cuz i didn't say y and think im a terrible person"

---

i used to do vent art frequently (you won't find much on here as it was uploaded to a personal at the time). anytime i felt down or had a line of dialogue in my head making me feel bad in a way, i would draw for it. but the way i had interacted with it was really unhealthy. it became a terrible feedback loop where i'd feel bad, draw how i felt bad, look at the art, and ruminate even more on how i felt bad, until it spiralled so out of control i would lose touch with reality and get lost entirely in feeling like garbage.

i would just get so lost in the cycle with vent art that it would make my mental space worse and worse, and i would use the vent art as a negative confirmation bias. the words that hurt me i wrote down and anytime i looked again, they would hurt me again. but i would keep looking, and i would keep drawing.

i have always used art as an outlet, but for some reason the way vent art impacted me was unhealthy. it wasn't a good outlet. and it took me years to cut ties with it. i relied on vent art for a long time, but it took a lot of introspection and thinking to realise it wasn't the release i thought it was. and it was hard to let go, too.

i haven't touched the blog in a few months, now. i haven't done much vent art at all since then and genuinely, i've been doing SOOO much better. i no longer ruminate nearly as much as i had done so, i no longer get caught in a feedback loop that lasts for days to weeks. i still feel like garbage like people tend to do, but i don't put myself in a cycle over it anymore. i have gone back to it a few times in moments of desperation, but what used to be every week/every few weeks is now once a month maybe. and not to the extent at all (i would oftentimes post ~20 images in one night, before).

but i keep thinking about how, while the way i had done vent art was bad for my mental health, i keep feeling that just because i do sparkly cute and happy drawings, now, or drawings with no real meaning, that my art has nothing beyond face value... i do like a lot of my vent art. i think their compositions, or hidden messages and meanings, or colour use, was interesting.

but it wasn't worth the price for me.

so i am a bit caught in an in-between, here. my favourite form of art is the expression of love-you liked something so much, you dedicated time to draw it. and yet i cannot ascribe that to my own work very often. i think that man i wish i could make art with some kind of deeper meaning, that speaks to people, that's more than just pretty colours or shiny shading or a character everyone likes, or a character i like. but i just... don't know if it's for me.

ultimately, i could develop a healthy relationship with expressing and exploring negative emotions or experiences through art, but... do i want to? do i have to? do i need to? is it not enough to just draw something because... i like it..?

of course, the answer is yes, draw what you want, draw how you want, it's your art. but i am still trying to come to terms with that idea. i dont want to be seen as some shallow artist who just draws what's cute and pretty because they can and it's all they can think of, but like what if that's just what i like to draw??

in the end, that alone is good enough, drawing because you like to, because it's fun, because you like the thing you're dedicating time to creating for. it's just hard to grapple with after discarding a type of art that i felt was the only way i drew "for real".

anyways i am sorry this is soooo fucking long, and for all the clarifications (IM STILL NOT SAYING VENT ART BAD AND EVERYONE WILL DO WHAT I DID!! Dx) and the fact i had no real point here (probably)

anyways i will continue to draw what i want because i like to, as i have always been.

[whelmed-justwhelmed]

Thoughts about Vincent Valentine and some of his struggles

Some miscellaneous notes before the actual substance of this post.

Loosely inspired by / based on this post, might suggest reading it before my own for a better understanding of the perspectives of the ideas in this post, though not strictly necessary as I think it’s still comprehensible without doing so. This post was made to my understanding + my current interpretation + what I can remember of things at the moment. Anyways here’s my maybe somewhat rambling thoughts, this is what I’ve got thus far. ( @sephirthoughts ask and you shall receive.)

After seeing and being inspired by the previously mentioned post I got to thinking about what I felt to be an interesting character development opportunity for Vincent. The basic premise being how Vincent’s situation, mostly in relation to himself and some of the things that have happened to him in the past, could potentially improve if he could at least start to reconcile his views of things compared to the objective realities. I feel like a step like this could help him to have a healthier perspective and at least somewhat improve his general quality of life.

Now it’s known how feelings such as guilt and regret among other such ones weigh heavily on him, of which a significant amount stem from his time as a bodyguard for the scientists of shinra manor. Although I do acknowledge these things aren’t the only ones that weigh on him and that my proposal of reconciliation is not the only thing that could be done to help his situation, much of his suffering specifically does seem to directly or indirectly stem from that time, his perspective of it, and of how it all relates to him. So with that perspective in mind, I think it’s a good place to start (at least for this hypothetical Vincent character development scenario).

Vincent is the sort where I want to (respectfully) gently grab him by the shoulders and shake a bit going, “It’s not your fault, it wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t your responsibility, you did about as much as you could for the situation, It. Wasn’t. Your. Fault.” Sadly though it seems (at least to me I feel) he’s generally not at a point where such a message would really get through to him in any meaningful or lasting way, so then that led me to wonder, what sorts of things might get him to that point? And what would the process look like?

I feel like he would probably need some sort of external prompting to actually properly start the process and that said process would be a gradual one. Not entirety sure how the prompting would start and be sustained though. Perhaps for example as something to start with, something like the moment in the lament of the damned side quest in rebirth where there’s brief vague discussion of the manor scientists and Barrett expresses how he thinks Lucrecia must not have been all that much better than Hojo causing Vincent to get defensive about her. A gradual process of stuff that challenges him like others questioning things and being faced with tangible evidence of the past, something that challenges him and he actually starts to stop and more seriously consider that perspective.

Here’s where the basic premise as previously mentioned really comes in. I feel Vincent’s situation could potentially improve if he could start to reconcile his perspective and feelings regarding what happened then and the objective reality of it. Challenges and consideration could lead to some acknowledgment that those two perspectives can coexist with each other, that he doesn’t have to choose one over the other.

In regards to Lucrecia, while not always exactly the most pleasant way to think of her, he can still feel fondly towards her and her memory while also thinking a bit more critically about how her actions and the choices she’s made have had serious and more often than not harmful consequences, especially about the harm done to him directly or indirectly. He could still care about her, albeit a likely less idealized version of her, and hold her a bit more accountable for the harm she’s caused. In regards to Vincent himself, it could significantly improve his overall view of himself and perhaps by extension general quality of life. Potential benefits being things like generally improving his mental state, the more specific parts of that could be things like better self worth, less self loathing, at least a bit of self forgiveness, generally starting to be able to take some of the blame off of himself. As such it could help him start to recognize he’s largely not responsible or at fault for what happened (and that he was a victim of the circumstances at that point more than anything?). It could help facilitate him being able to cope with it all a bit better, perhaps even heal the mental / emotional wounds a bit.

All that said, I highly doubt all this would be easy for him to do, I think he’s going to have to struggle for it. Like I’ve said, I think it would be a slow and gradual process that challenges him to think more critically and change his perspective to eventually at least start to understand that he’s not the one in the wrong, such a process would take time and effort. It would also involve a lot of difficult emotions, what emotions, in what context, and how they come up, I don’t really have as much of an answer for at the moment as I feel it depends on how one would imagine the reconciliation process and things as a whole would play out. I’m not necessarily saying I want to see him break down or something like that per se, but I would like for him to have proper opportunities to be more openly emotional about it all. For him to have chances to be vulnerable and be treated with care in return. (And if that means having him break down then by all means let him break down.)

I do want to say that I don’t expect such a process to solve everything with him or that I would expect him to stop being upset about all that’s happened or otherwise take away what makes his story his (etc.), just that ultimately the idea is all about getting him to a point of having a bit more of a balance of his feelings and viewpoint. Bittersweet, but hopeful.

Hypothetically, if I were to try and place the idea where I think it could work well game timeline wise, I would place it around Dirge of Cerberus and / or post Dirge. I think it would go well then for the subject matter being covered, could work well thematically, and for potential opportunities for him to actually have the time and space to think and process (etc.). (Admittedly I think that putting it sometime around DoC is the obvious answer and that it could work at other points in time as well if it was done thoughtfully.)

I think that’s about all I have on this right now.

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

Every bookbinding tutorial i found online: "DO NOT TRY THE COPTIC STITCH AS A BEGINNER ITS TOO ADVANCED"

Me who has only bound one book before and used a completely different method: "ehh it can't be that hard"

2 hours later

.....I was right. Its not that hard.

[oooohno]

hello, forgive me if i already asked but what was smokers first impression of you? also what kind of dates do you two go on together? i’m curious :3

Thank you so much for asking 🥺 I’m still trying to figure out the lore of my self-insert & selfship with him but this is what I have so far:

My ship wrecked at Loguetown and one of his subordinates found me unconscious on board & brought me to the nearest doctor. While I was getting treated, Smoker searched my ship & found a lot of treasure & other suspicious things hidden among other belongings & suspects from then on that I’m a pirate. But a few things aren’t adding up since there’s no pirate flag on board & I’m not a wanted person either. When he first met me I couldn’t remember who I was or why what I was doing on the ship, and from then on he’s trying to help me remember & is keeping an eye on me in case I turn out to be a pirate after all :3

First impression is that I’m suspicious but also pretty interesting bc now instead of napping he can show me around the area & the nearby islands hehe

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

@jonmartinweek Day 6: Time Travel

Out of Time

Jon refuses to focus on the push of the knife into his chest. The pain is almost unremarkable compared to the overwhelming pulling sensation as all the Fears begin to draw away. He knows Annabelle’s web is pulling him away too – the slick-smooth edges of the tape wrap around him and cut in everywhere as they snap taut and try to pull him backwards. But none of it matters. He doesn’t want to be aware of any of it. He wants to see nothing, know nothing, but Martin’s face pressed close to his; their foreheads touching, their mingled tears falling onto Jon’s cheeks, Martin’s bright blue eyes shining with a searing combination of terror and love and–

Everything stops.

There is a knock at the door.

Jon sits bolt upright, gasping for breath in the wake of the sudden shock to his system that is the abrupt absence of all pain. Before he can take in anything about his surroundings, he is already reaching, trying to find Martin. His hands come up empty, grabbing at nothing but blankets and bedsheets. Jon is in a bed, in a bedroom that looks distantly familiar, and Martin is not with him.

What happened? Where is he? Jon tries to Know, but there is nothing. Reaching for the Eye feels like the mental equivalent of miscounting the steps in a staircase and overbalancing as your foot falls through the empty space with unnecessary weight and purpose. He can’t feel the Eye at all. The door in his mind isn't closed, it's gone.

'Jon, are you awake yet?' a voice calls from somewhere outside of the room. There is someone at the door, knocking.

Read the rest on Ao3!

[queenerdloser]

saw dune 2 and it was fantastic. my no-spoiler review is they really went nuts making the harkonnen as creepy and gross as they possible could and i respect them for that. also. Big Worm.

[steelycunt]

FINAL MIDBLOCK ESSAY DONE!! I AM FREE!!

[sunshinereddie]

i know that this is sort of a basic au idea but I don’t care because I LOVE IT. anyways, richie as a marine biologist and while he’s doing his phd he gets sent out to this unknown little town in maine for research. richie’s not happy about it, but what’s he gonna do? say no to the only research job he was offered after being rejected by every other one he applied for? so he packs his bags and moves out from california all the way out to derry, maine, and starts to work at the research facility there.

his first few weeks are nothing special, he spends most of his time getting used to the area and this new work environment, and though he had been dreading coming out here, he can at least find some happiness in his research and going out to the ocean.

one day he’s out there at this little beach, a small, private enclosure owned by the research facility, and it’s getting late, but richie’s been interested in the nocturnal activity of these fish he’s been studying, so he decides to stay out a little longer, even after the sun has set.

except on that night, as he’s sitting out on the dock that leads into the ocean, staring out into the dark water, he sees something… different.

it started with just a ripple of the waves. it piqued richie’s interest, because from his experience, it would have had to take a rather large fish to make that side of wave- something much bigger than he had been studying the past few weeks. he watches as the waves get closer and closer, and he starts to get a little more and more nervous… until he sees a human head pop out of the water in front of him.

richie rolls his eyes, feeling embarrassed that he had actually gotten a little scared of just some guy going for a late-night swim. richie pulls out his flashlight, shining it on the guy’s face. he’s got a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face, his brown eyes wide, looking just as surprised to see richie as richie was to see him. richie goes to pull out his ID badge to show that he’s a researcher here, and is about to tell this guy that he’s swimming in private property, and that he needs to leave…

… when richie’s light flashes across the water, and richie sees the man’s naked torso under the water… and a shimmering green tail where his legs should have been.

richie stares at the mermaid before him. the mermaid stares right back. richie’s mind is completely blank, not a single other thought in that brain of his except for him trying to process the fact that there is a mermaid, a real mermaid two feet in front of him. a mermaid, a creature that was always joked about within richie’s work circles, a creature that richie had proved in his research many times were not real… and now richie is looking at one.

except, just as he’s beginning to progress that he’s not dreaming, the mermaid ducks back under the water and with a big splash of his tail (and when the cold water from that splash hit richie’s face, it confirmed to him that he wasn’t dreaming) as he dives down, he swims away back into the darkness, leaving richie with his heart beating a thousand miles a minute.

—

eddie had never seen a human that close up before. he liked to people-watch from a far, while hiding behind rocks and just barely peaking out from the water. but he had never been that close before- and eddie thought it was incredible.

he had been watching this human for a few days now, watching him look at the fish and the plants and algae close to the shoreline. he was there every day, for hours at a time, and oh how he intrigued eddie! that’s why, every night when the human left the beach, eddie would swim up to the shore and ask all the little fishies there to tell him more about this human.

except, one night, when eddie did his visit to the shore… the human hadn’t left.

eddie had broken the biggest rule there was for mermaids- do not be seen. his mother would kill him if she found out that eddie had not only gone to the surface, but had been seen by a human, but eddie didn’t care. that minute of being close to that human… well, it was maybe the most excitement that eddie had had his entire life.

and it was the memory of that excitement that brings eddie back to the surface the next night… the same very excitement he feels again when he peeks out from the water, and sees the human sitting out on the dock again.

—

a part of richie still wasn’t seriously convinced. he had read plenty papers with convincing research on how mermaids were definitely real, but none of them had ever been enough to convince him that mermaids were, or ever had been, real.

except, for the entirety of the next day… richie can’t stop thinking about that guy in the water. the guy with the big brown eyes and the surprised look on his face. the guy who was casually swimming shirtless in the ocean in february. the guy who had a fucking green fish tail.

richie didn’t tell his team about his discovery. he was just starting to be accepted and respected by the higher-ups at this facility, and he did not want to go and make a fool of himself and completely lose his reputation by screaming about a possible mermaid sighting. so he keeps quiet, and the following night, he returns to the beach, his flashlight in hand, sits at the end of the dock, and waits.

after an hour and a half, richie starts to think that maybe it had all been a prank by some locals, just some guy in a mermaid costume messing with him. when it was almost midnight, richie had grown increasingly embarrassed about the whole thing and is about to pack up and forget about this whole thing…

…when he sees something pop out out the water, and when he shines his flashlight in front of him, he once again meets those wide, brown eyes, and sees the tip of a shimmering, green tail peeking past the surface.

[elegyofthemoon]

sorry everyone ;; it might take longer for me to write these letters but ill try to finish by end of the month