#it’s an emotionally exhausting work and now I still have to set up interviews and do paperwork??

[kissmefriendly]

You ever go ‘Fuck why did I choose this as my career’ after one (1) single day?

[miracleon63rdstreet]

I was suffering exhaustion so much mentally and emotionally i was in a spiral, every job I've tried to apply for kept denying me, each time it was just getting more and more peculiar how WHITE candidates who weren't even qualified for the job kept getting the job over me while i wws CONSTANTLY BEING DENIED EVERY SINGLE ONE, then a month or 2 ago i went to an open interview at Target and a white guy who was in dirty white shirt and smelled like fucking sewage came in and he was immediately offered the job after his interview while i was denied it after coming in well groomed, dressed, and smelling great, i even wore a fucking tie

[KEEP IN MIND YOU DON'T HAVE TO DRESS PROFESSIONALLY ANY MORE TO BE QUALIFIED FOR JOBS OR WIN OVER SOMEONE AT AN INTERVIEW YOU JUST HAVE TO LOOK THE PART AND DRESS ACCORDINGLY SIMPLE SHIRT WITH NO PROFANITY OR OBSCENITIES AND SOME NICE SLACKS OR JEANS]

BUT

Me, BEING BLACK knew i had to out dress and out sharp everyone else, because THAT'S WHAT WE HAVE TO DO!!!

But THIS TIME I applied for Sam's Club and got the interview immediately but come to find out no one in the place knew my interviewer whenever i called in they kept telling me i had to have more availability when i clearly stated at my interview "I AM OPEN COMPLETELY, I'LL TAKE WHATEVER POSITION I HAVE TO"

I WAS OPEN SCHEDULE WISE AND POSITION WISE, I was willing to do any position OPEN but they kept telling me that my application stated the opposite of what i put in, last night i literally cried, had anxiety attacks about how I'm going to eat, how I'm going to take care of my cats who often feel like the only ones who know i exist IRL, i always feel invisible and WORTHLESS, everyone always made me feel worthless and like I'm nothing especially schools, jobs, etc.

So i literally said "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH" TODAY, got up showered, put on MY CLOTHES I FEEL COMFORTABLE IN, but still dressed my ass off, i put my jewelry in, septum, nose ring, choker, bracelet, AND I WENT TO SAM'S CLUB AND DEMANDED TO SPEAK TO A

"BLACK MANAGER!!!!"

They sent me to a black woman, she pulled me into her office, and i told her everything....come to find out they had a person who wasn't a team member interview me, the team members who were all white managers were caught on camera planning to sabotage my interview so i wouldn't get a job there, they set it all up to turn me away and deny me ANYWAY, and the black lady literally went off on them in her office, apologized to me that they discriminated me, she had me autofill an application to work on HER side of the store and told me SHE would hire me on the spot, she interviewed me RIGHT THERE, helped me with my WOTC and everything else, and she HIRED ME IMMEDIATELY and told me "I'm hiring you because you took the initiative to be brave enough to come up here and demand to speak to a BLACK TEAM MEMBER when you felt like something was wrong, you took the gumption to come up here when you could've said FUCK THAT JOB, that's why I'm hiring you."

And the team members who were behind it were all fired and i could possibly be looking at a court case and be able to sue for what happened.....ALL THIS HAPPENED WITHIN ONE SINGLE MORNING!.....NOW PLEASE TELL ME AGAIN AS A WHITE PERSON DO Y'ALL STILL NOT FEEL LIKE IT'S ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTING EVERYDAY TO WAKE UP A BLACK PERSON IN THIS COUNTRY!?

[blainesebastian]

kiss & tell

words: 3,184 ship: austin butler x reader summary: (request from @lattedreamer): “actress who finally got her big break in a film with Austin + ‘first kiss’” warnings: none notes: tweaked the request just a little, but the general concept is the same!  tag list: @killerqueenfan, @karamelcoveredolicity, @elizabethrosecresswell, @gigisworldsstuff, @stylesmendeshearted, @rairaielv​

If you’ve learned anything in the industry thus far, it’s to take advantage of opportunities that fall into your lap. Your agent would say otherwise, that the films you’ve gotten to be in are purely based on talent and word of mouth, that you’ve done your fair share of B side films to get you exactly where you are. Maybe it’s a mix, who knows. You don’t feel as if you had to compromise your character or morals to reach for something well deserved, which you know isn’t always the most typical Hollywood starlet story.

You’ve worked really hard, lost some friends along the way because of commitments you couldn’t break, a boyfriend abandoning you in the midst of filming because he was possessive and jealous and some family members doubting the paths you’ve taken to do something you love.

It has been one of the most difficult, enthralling, emotionally exhausting thing that you’ve ever done in your life.

But all of it has been worth it.

It’s how you find yourself starting a movie with Austin Butler, a rom-com at that. And while the plot is a bit predictable, you know that sometimes films can pull themselves right past that if the acting is enchanting—and how wouldn’t it be with Austin as your opposite? The guy’s success speaks for itself and admittedly you’ve seen Elvis an embarrassing amount of times. But what you’ve also learned, while at table reads and getting to know him through going to interviews together to promote the film, he’s incredibly down to earth, genuine, and a hard worker. Like yourself, he puts the craft of the movie he’s working on above all else, he dedicates himself and puts all of his energy into creating the very best character he can for whatever plot he’s immersed into.

It’s also just really nice working with someone who’s patient and supportive, who knows more of the ins and outs of the industry while you’re still learning. Austin doesn’t pretend he knows everything either, he’s humble, a lifelong learner himself but it’s nice to be able to depend on him because he’s been through it a bit more than you have.

You understand how lucky you are—not only to have the opportunity to work on a film that you could consider your big break into the industry, not something that’ll go straight to streaming services or anything like that, but that you’re working with someone who makes it so easy too.

You’re trying not to read into the fact that your agent, amongst others, have noted that there’s real chemistry between you and Austin as well. You’re a professional and so is he, both of you put every fiber of your being into the task at hand…so you would hope that’s quite obvious in your scenes together.

But you’re also well aware that you’re definitely developing somewhat of a crush on your co-star. Probably unavoidable, right? You’re not going to let it get the better of you, the last thing you want to do is cause some sort of drama on set but…this never would have happened with your B side horror films. There’s no room for chemistry there, it’s just cut and dry scary movie tropes.

Not only that? —

“There’s a kiss scene,” You hiss into your phone as you pace in your trailer, your sister on the other end of the line. She’s quiet and you can kinda sense that she’s blinking at you because,

“Uh,” She clears her throat, “You’re doing a rom-com, aren’t you? Isn’t that like the bread and butter of those films?”

You groan lightly, glancing up towards the ceiling before you take a seat on your couch. You can hear your mother’s voice in your head telling you to stop wearing down the carpet. “It’s bad enough that I have a crush on him and now I have to kiss him?”

Robin laughs, the sound ringing against your eardrum, “Oh right, I feel so sorry for you that you have to kiss Austin Butler. Literally, one of the worst things imaginable.” She teases, voice dripping in sarcasm.

You pull the phone away from your ear, glaring at the device as if it’s personally offended you, before bringing it back, “You don’t get it—”

“Does he still have the scruff on his face?” She asks, clearly an important question for her. “Like he’s not clean-shaven, right?”

Your eyebrows draw together before shaking your head, “No I mean—just a little bit of scruff.”

She hums, “I’d definitely be thinking of that mouth elsewhere then.” And oh my god, it clearly was a wrong decision to call her.

“I’m hanging up.” You state, squirming just a little with heat gathering low in your stomach and seeping between your legs.

“Wait,” She laughs, “Stop, I’m sorry.” Robin sighs and you can hear the eyeroll in her tone. “What’s going on, why are you worried?”

You open your mouth to try and explain when there’s a knock on your door with the announcement, “Hair and makeup in five!”

Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath as you stand from the couch, “I gotta go, I’ll text you.”

“Hey look,” Robin squeezes in, “It’s just like riding a bike, alright?” And while you know that’s supposed to be comforting as you hang up, it doesn’t exactly help.

You kinda suck at riding bikes because you could never quite get the brakes right.

--

You tug on the turtleneck you have on, feeling a little overheated. You’re seated on the floor in front of a working fireplace in this makeshift cabin (because of course you are). For this kissing scene, your character realizes that despite losing people in her life that believe in her dream about becoming a veterinarian (her grandfather), Austin’s character is very much her person (always has been) and her family of support.

You’re already on edge because unlike some other rom-coms, this scene is emotional rather than cute. You have to work up tears in your voice but not overdo it, and the kiss is a mutual understanding, rather than Austin’s character leaning in and cutting your words off. Which would be so much easier and less for you to worry about.

Austin sits down next to you on the floor, in a dark green sweater that compliments the blue of his eyes and the dirty blonde curls in his hair. “Nice turtleneck,” He smiles, reaching out to gently tug at the fabric along your neck.

A soft huff of air leaves your lips, swatting his hand away, “I feel like I’m melting into a puddle.”

“We might, depending on how many times we have to do this scene,” He smiles, running a hand through the front part of his hair. And God, right, you haven’t even thought of that—it’s not just one kiss, one scene, one run…it’s multiple so that they have lots of takes to choose from.

Your stomach flip flops all the way into your throat.

Austin’s eyebrows draw together slightly as he looks at you, “You alright? You’re flushed.”

Swallowing over the lump in your throat, you nod, “Just…trying to get into the headspace for the scene.”

Austin nods softly, though it doesn’t seem like he completely believes you. Doesn’t matter, long as he doesn’t ask any questions.

The filming begins after a few moments of calling for silence on set and just as suspected, you’re too caught up in your thoughts for the lines to come out of your mouth organically. You mess up on the one take, the director asks you to go a different direction in the second, a third take turns into five and by the seventh time, your hands are shaking.

You can tell that the director is a tiny bit irritated but not about to take it out on you—but he’s definitely wondering what the problem is when you haven’t had any issues thus far with filming. Your eyes are twinged with tears from the scene itself, the lines, working yourself up and Austin squeezes your fingers in solid support because as the takes get more frustrating, his hand has moved to rest against yours. Which works perfectly for the scene anyways.

“You can ask for a break,” Austin says quietly as the cameras reset, a few lights are fixed.

Shaking your head, you’re feeling utterly stubborn about this, wanting to get it over with and yet stuck behind a barrier that you’ve built up inside your head. “No,” You sniffle, “I can do this.”

“I have no doubt that you can,” He rubs his thumb along your knuckles, “But I can tell you’re upset, beyond the lines you have to say. What’s goin’ on, Y/N?”

Lifting your hand up to wipe at your cheek but hopefully not rough enough to ruin your makeup, you’re suddenly feeling completely overwhelmed at the heavy emotion, your fears and this stupid turtleneck making it a hundred degrees warmer next to this fire.

You go to…say something? Anything that’ll just move this scene along but you can’t get the words out, all that leaves your lips is a small whimper of frustration.

That seems to be more than enough for Austin, who turns towards the director, “Can I take ten?”

The director glances between Austin and you before nodding, yelling out a fifteen-minute break. At that point you don’t care if they have to touch up your makeup, you wipe at your cheeks as Austin pulls himself up from the floor. He offers you a hand to take to help you up and once you’re standing, his palm settles on your lower back to lead you out of the set and towards his trailer.

He walks up the steps, tugging the door open so that you can walk in first. Once inside, you take off this stupid sweater, a sports bra underneath, feeling like you can actually breathe once the fabric is thrown onto the couch. Sniffling, you run a hand over your cheek and neck, skin warm to the touch, probably pink on your cheeks.

Austin moves to the small kitchenette, grabbing a glass to fill with water to hand you. You greedily take a few sips, your heartbeat returning to normal and no longer thrumming against your eardrums as you sit down on his couch.

Austin lets you take the time you need, moving to sit down across from you on his sturdy coffee table, his one hand resting on your knee as a point of comfort.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on?” He asks, blue eyes concerned and patient.

Not in the slightest—but you know you’re going to have to, there’s no way out of it. Especially since you have to go back to set when the break is over and work through the stress of that scene all over again. Closing your eyes for a moment, you take another sip of water before putting the glass beside Austin on the coffee table.

“I know how difficult the emotion scenes can be,” He offers, “You have to dig deep for stuff like that, make it feel as authentic as you can—but it takes a piece of you.”

You sniffle and nod, and while he’s not wrong, “It’s not that,” You say after a moment, “It’s not the script.”

Taking in a short breath, you feel embarrassment hit into your chest like a goddamn tidal wave. You can’t lie to him—not when he’s sitting there worried about you, when at this point in filming Austin can read you a bit like an open book. The last thing you want is to ruin the chemistry of the film by making things uneasy, even though this admittance is definitely the last thing you wanted to discuss with him.

“It’s the kiss,” You blurt out and Austin…draws his eyebrows together, clearly confused, because that’s not what he expected you to say.

“You—don’t want to kiss me?”

“No,” You reply far too quickly, your cheeks heating—pretty sure if you still had that turtleneck on it would have been close enough to catch on fire, “No, I mean—of course I want to kiss you.” Oh my god.

Austin smiles slowly, amusement dancing in his eyes and you’re this close to finding somewhere in this trailer to hide. You let out a groan, your head tipping back as tension slips out of your body, curls off your skin like smoke. A long breath leaves your lips, picking your hands up to cover your face for one moment.

“You’re the worst.” You mumble.

“Clearly,” Austin jokes, moving to take your hands down from your face. He squeezes your fingers. “Would completely explain why you don’t wanna kiss me.”

There’s this playful glare you give him, allowing him to keep hold of your hands as you squeeze back. “Stop,” You laugh softly, “Stop teasing me so I can explain.”

Austin straightens his shoulders and nods, not making fun of you, but conveying that he’s seriously listening to what you have to say. His thumb traces a circle along the back of your hand and with that soothing motion, you continue,

“I had a boyfriend about three years ago who dumped me because I was working too much. There was all this…other stuff about being on set and how he didn’t trust me,” A soft eyeroll, “Just utter bullshit. But what I’m trying to say is that…” You take a short breath,

“It’s been a long time since I’ve kissed anyone—I’ve been busy working and starring in B side horror films and the last thing I’m doing on those is kissing anyone because I’m running from zombies or…ax murderers. Aliens.”

A soft chuckle rumbles in Austin’s chest but he nods, this…affectionate gaze on you that makes your whole entire body buzz with warmth.

“I let it get into my head, kissing you. And how I might be bad at it.”

There was a lot more to it, about it affecting your chemistry with him, about it being obvious during playbacks that there were sparks missing, that directors and casting leads might start second guessing hiring you in the first place.

All these self-doubting, self-conscious moments wrapped up into one, topped with an overly emotional scene that already had your heart pounding in your ears.

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Austin smiles and he’s far too sweet for his own good.

You crinkle your nose, “Not to make this sound like a schoolyard fight but—how would you know?”

Austin hums lightly, licking his lips and before you can throw another question his way or maybe derail this conversation entirely, he lifts his hand to cup your cheek. Your heart soars right into your throat as he leans down and captures your mouth with his own. It only takes you a half of a moment to react, tilting your head into the kiss.

It lasts a bit longer than you expect, a soft noise of pleasure leaving your throat as Austin deepens it, a little flash of tongue. It’s over before you even have time to process what’s happened, your breath catching in your chest as you look down at his mouth when he pulls away, bruised a bit pink. That reaches right into your ribcage and clenches around your heart.

“Not to sound all schoolyard back,” He says after a moment, his voice an octave lower, a bit rougher around the edges, “But ‘told you so’.”

There’s a definite eyeroll that follows that but…you can’t deny that the sentiment does make you feel better. You carry it with you when the break is called and you have to dive right back into the scene.

“Figure we’d get that out of the way so we can concentrate,” Austin teases as you settle into the scene. And…when it comes time for the kiss? It a lot more natural, soft smiles shared between you and Austin that have nothing to do with acting as you lean in and capture one another’s lips.

Both of you miss the yelling of cut! at least twice.

You feel your body heat up once again, pulse racing, but attempt to blame it all on the turtleneck you’re wearing. Once the scene is over, you leave the set with Austin, walking with him towards the food tent to grab some dinner before the late-night shooting begins. You’re definitely proud of how the scene turned out, despite being slightly emotionally exhausted at having to produce tears that feel authentic.

And you can’t stop thinking about how Austin’s lips felt against your own.

“Tired?” Austin asks as you both grab to-go containers to fill up, “You’re practically swayin’ on your feet.”

You offer a small smile, “Yeah, nothing a cat-nap and some caffeine won’t fix.” You attempt to stick to a light dinner so you don’t feel even more weighed down—a chicken salad, garlic bread because you can’t pass it up (and because there are no other kissing scenes tonight).

“I guess that’s the trade off though for a pretty heavy scene.”

Austin playfully bumps your shoulders, “Definite pay off though, you were great.”

A soft laugh even though you appreciate the compliment, you feel as if you can’t quite take it, “Right, after my three meltdowns.”

“All part of the process.” Austin grins, closing his to-go container.

You hum lightly even though you are thankful for him, for the conversation you had in his trailer. You’re not quite sure you would have gotten through the scene, or at least done it well, without talking to him about what was bothering you.

“Though I guess the moral of the story is,” Austin turns his body towards yours as you both walk out of the tent, back in the direction of the trailers, “If you’re havin’ trouble with the whole kissing thing—you know where my trailer is.”

Your eyebrows raise in amusement, the corners of your mouth pulling into a smile, “I can’t believe you said that with a straight face.”

“Oh I’m completely serious.”

“I can see that,” You laugh, your stomach doing a total somersault.

You then pause right outside your trailer, reaching out to touch his elbow to get him to stop walking. You take a step up onto the stairs, almost making your heights equal, your eyes taking in the warmth from his expression. You lean down just because you can and kiss him, something short and sweet, your noses brushing in a bunny kiss once you part.

“Thanks for the offer.”

Austin smirks, nipping at your lower lip with his own, “Sure, just lemme know if you want to take me up on it.”

You smile, watching him head back to his own trailer to eat dinner. Walking up the rest of your steps, your phone buzzes on the counter where you’ve left it, reaching to open up a text from your sister as you sit down on the couch.

Robin: well, how’d it go?

Still smiling, you text back,

Y/N: not about to kiss and tell 😉

[cevansbrat0007]

You Are Deserving

So, like many people both in and out of these recovery rooms I’ve been learning all about the importance of setting and enforcing boundaries. I have a hard time believing that I’m the only one who struggles with this. And at the tender age of 34, I’m just now figuring out how to do it.

As the oldest of three, I was often seen as the family fixer. I took on my parents and siblings issues and typically found myself working hard to meet everyone’s emotional needs. But if I’m being honest, I did more than just try to “meet” them. If anything, I was expected to manage them. 

And in the process, it wasn’t unusual for my own needs to go unmet. I grew up in a toxic household with a sick mother and an abusive father. Excellence was not only expected but demanded. Happy faces and smiling mouths were required. There was no room for discussion or argument.

Except, I typically found myself doing both. Not just on my behalf, but on behalf of my brother and sister as well. Without ever sitting down for an interview I have somehow held the following positions within my family: 

Fixer. Protector. Litigator. Sounding Board. Punching Bag. Scapegoat.  

If you’re like me, and you were blessed with the privilege of taking on one of (or several) the above roles I just named in your own life, then you might already know where I’m going with this. 

The hours suck, what with there being no work/life balance. The benefits are nonexistent. The payoff is minimal. And the burnout is real. Because if you are the person who embodies this role, where there is often an expectation, there is also a serious lack of gratitude.

This is your job, afterall. So, you’d better get used to burning the midnight oil.

And if you don’t insert some structure and balance into your own life, all of that chaos and confusion won’t just drain you. It very well might kill you. So, by all means do whatever the hell it is you need to do to preserve your peace and protect your serenity.

Establish those boundaries and keep them. Regardless of the guilt you might feel or the flack you might receive, still maintain those boundaries. Because at the end of the day, after you’ve exhausted yourself mentally and physically and emotionally…

Who is left to take care of you?

Because in addition to the low payoff, shitty hours, and burnout, there’s also typically no shift change. 

Unless you demand one. 

Now, I will warn you that some folks may not appreciate what it is you’re trying to do for you. When you start seeing to your own needs, they might balk a little. Or even protest quite a lot. Please realize that those same people will make it their mission to try your patience and test your resolve. 

They will poke and prod and pry. Which will then leave them with virtually zero time or energy to manage their own affairs in a productive manner.

Because, sure they might have mentioned that you “really ought to take some time and focus on yourself” in passing. But they didn’t necessarily mean it. So then how dare you decide to go off and have the audacity to actually do just that? The nerve of you!

When that happens, it never hurts to remind them that your boundaries, no matter how new, exist for one reason. And that reason is to protect you, not to punish them. 

If you need to, practice saying it in the mirror. Or in the car. Or before your next family barbecue. 

Because you deserve to protect yourself. You deserve peace. You deserve a little slice of serenity.

Even when people insist that you don’t.

Love, Britt            P.S. I’m still learning how to do this too. I have my good days and bad. And I’m coming off of a couple tough weeks.

[polyamorouspunk]

Hello friend you invited the chaos

So so so. Recap: friends for years, he dumped his toxic ex, started therapy, we start actually talking.

OKAY. So we were officially dating like *last week*. Monday I was over his house and things were good. Tuesday night/Wednesday morning I legit thought he died cause he wasn’t answering his phone (he did not die he just broke his phone, but the worry was there cause I know he deals with depression).

But while thinking he was possibly dead, I had a job interview at the really cool lab and Im gonna be calibrating gas detectors and doing titrations every monday!! (Spoiler I got the job).

And then I had a second one later in the day after he got his new phone but this one was in some sketchy basement lab with two other employees that are both grown men and Im honestly surprised I didnt die down there.

And then thursday I went to my first therapy session to help deal with anxiety and some other shit right. (It will be so fun showing up after my intake appointment with an entirely new set of issues). Oh also this entire week is happening while my autoimmune disorder is flaring too. Thats also a thing. But also. At this point, things are still fine with the guy. Like he was talking about introducing me to his friends and shit.

BUT OKAY THEN FRIDAY HAPPENS. AND THIS IS THE DAY THAT ALL THINGS WENT TO HELL. *He* invited me over his house during the day while most of his family was gone. And I went cause I was off work and also like. At that point why wouldnt I? But uuuhhhhh while I was there, some *things* happened that *he* initiated (fully consensual) but also that boy was fucking *rough* and I have bruises all over where he was grabbing and I’m sure more I cant see. But like. Genuinely kinda a fun time.

Until. Out of no where he like kinda rushed me out of his house. And I was very confused and concerned about that, because obviously I just put a hell of a lot of trust into someone I had considered a good friend. And so after I got home I asked him if I did something wrong, AND GOES ‘We’ve been very close friends for 5 years so dating just feels not right.’ Which like. Was a whiplash moment for me. So I responded with ‘So. You just want to be friends is what youre telling me?’. AND THIS ASSHOLE GOES ‘Yeah, for now at least’.

BOY THERE IS NO FOR NOW AT LEAST. YOU JUST BASICALLY USED ME AND TOSSED ME TO THE SIDE. LIKE. NO??????

So yeah after that I was sad for a little bit but then ya know I started to be able to see the bruises and I just got so fucking pissed off from that, that I was no longer sad. The sad is gone. I was instead petty and went to the county fair with Mountain Boy and told him what was up and yeah. Thats what that insta post was about lol. I was just being petty because I could be.

OH BUT ALSO. I have to see him in early september for a chemistry meeting and I have every intention of looking hot as fuck when I show up just because I can and I refuse to let a boy get in my head about my own self confidence.

And really in the end he was evidently lacking in both braincells and inches, so it was no real loss on my part lmao

Anyways thats been my week, how are youuu??????

Daaaamn he really strung you along huh well man I feel that about people doing a complete 180 on you and showing their true colors out of literally nowhere. I’m sorry it all went down like that, yikes. Yeah, no, I don’t think I would want to be “friends” with someone like that either. Fuck that guy frrrr. Especially right after that.

Damn what a shitty week but I so hope a new job is exactly the kind of reset you need to take your mind off things.

My week has been alright. I’m feeling really burnt out and emotionally exhausted but I’m healing from the bullshit that I went through. I start school tomorrow which I’m not exactly looking forward to but not dreading either but next week I’m going on vacation (also to Myrtle Beach, finally) since I have 3 days in a row off and my birthday is coming up.

[singerin]

The argument against on-set photos

I have a rant about fandom overstep. I know. “YOU FOOL (I hear you say) if you were followed by more than 15 people this would be inviting an avalanche of criticism.” But here we go:

I’ve been seeing a lot of on-set photos from shows currently in filming (obviously taken from a great distance by paparazzi) of actors going about their work. I have a real problem with this.

Actors have agreed to  be in the public eye, but under pretty clear and agreed-upon circumstances. The behind-the-scenes process isn’t something they’ve agreed to have us all see. Those actors that we love spending time between takes with their coworkers, being themselves in a private space* isn’t ours to see without permission.

We love the shows they’re making. We as fandoms love to follow them, we admire them, obsess from afar, follow every interview or photo, write them into our fan works...we get ATTACHED. It makes sense that we would be fascinated and stoked to see them working on the newest installments of the thing we’re most excited to see them in. But I really think this is a boundary we shouldn’t be crossing. It makes me really uncomfortable for them.

I’ve been a performer for decades in various contexts, and I’ve done some scenes and works that are really emotionally and physically vulnerable. For my professions, we’re working toward live performances--that means that I AM going to do all of these scenes in front of people in the end. But that doesn’t mean I want an audience invited in to the rehearsal space where I’m working things out opposite the other singers, fooling around, being awkward, being exhausted and irritable with my fellow cast members--imperfect in a way that I am allowed and ENCOURAGED to be during the process of rehearsal.

I would be livid if I knew someone had come into the back of the theater while I was finding the physicality and angles onstage of safely beating my good friend Paolo with a belt...and taken zoom-lense photos of it to share. I would be so upset If someone sidled up to the glass door of a rehearsal hall while I was staging the first meeting between my character and her long lost son and took a video through the glass to post here. Or if my fellow witches and I were hamming it up around our cauldron between scenes in our full costumes and makeup, and someone posted that on Reddit to give people a spoilery little glimpse of what we’d be wearing.

It’s not that you don’t HAVE people on set doing exactly that for all kinds of marketing and personal nostalgia reasons--but you have agreed to have those people there. You know when they’ll be filming or snapping, and for the most part you trust that they’ll be respectful.

I want to get those tantalizing little hints too, sometimes. I know: he/she/they’re hot, it’s cool to see the costumes, OMG this or that character is back, what a plot twist!.... But fuck man. Can we not?

*Filming outdoors is not the same thing as agreeing to be out for public performance. And yes, there are always a shit-ton of people on and around the stage both in theater and in filming, but they’re...part of it? Even those that you don’t really know, or barely speak to, you’re all working on the same thing together. They’re part of the creative circle, and have some trust extended to them as a result. Now, in filming at least actors may still decide to have a really limited number of people around for some scenes. The ability to set those boundaries and have them respected is an important element of that trust.

[borderline-gays-club]

03/07/24. 11:18pm

I had a rough week. A lot of lows and life testing me lol. Just been feeling depressed abt wasting my life at my stupid job and not being able to get anything that’s not customer service related. I haven’t even gotten responses from restaurants: the industry that I have 6 years of experience in…

And I’ve just been applying nonstop to any job that isn’t gonna make me want to die for the past like 3 months. And writing cover letters and constantly looking at jobs that I barely don’t qualify for and the job market in general just being a hellhole. And now that I’m getting a crumb of interviews, just wasting my time going to these things hoping I get hired. It’s just all depressing and it’s been finally hitting me.

And of course bc of all this my money problems are exacerbated and it’s just constant anxiety abt money. And etc etc

I finally mustered up some hope in me like 2 days ago too and just got physically exhausted from my job. Then the next morning I had my whole day planned to keep my hope alive and just got crushed again. I waited 5 hrs outside for a check I didnt even end up getting that day. And it was raining and I was wet and cold and hungry lol. Had to ask my mom for help who has already been helping me a lot with money and I’m very privileged to have her as a safety net but she’s been talking abt being tight on money now so I just hate asking for extra help. I just wail cried for like 10 minutes and asked my friends to help me with dinner prep. I’m learning to ask for help slowly when I’m not okay instead of either isolating or pretending like I’m ok and holding it in. I’m still learning the balance of how much of my feelings to show/express in front of others. Mostly bc in the past my feelings wud just b too extreme and take up too much space.

But today was better. I got my check, was able to pay the rest of my rent, was able to eat something yummy and feel full, got a few art supplies to start a small project I’ve been thinking abt the past few days. I was gonna work on stuff but I’ve been learning how to slow down. Bc pushing myself too hard all at once just ends up in huge breakdowns and burnouts. It’s not worth it at all. So I just chilled and petted my kitty and was present with her. Didn’t feel guilty abt not being “productive”. I really needed some emotional, and mental and physical rest. It’s just been a lot.

And I’m mostly writing all this down bc I need to remember these moments where I can see myself making small improvements in hard habits. Like slowing down esp when I’m feeling overwhelmed and being present in my existence. And asking for help when I’m feeling overwhelmed and not okay instead of isolating or faking I’m fine.

And then just now, something happened that I wanted to jot down. So I made dinner for everyone and it didn’t turn out right. My friend who, long story short, cannot eat food if the texture/taste is icky to them and it emotionally affects them negatively to eat food that is wrong, ate a little bit and couldn’t eat. Also them not eating sets them up for a difficult next day, and bc of other things they didn’t eat much today. So I felt really shit that I made the food inedible for them and just went silent for like 10 min. And of course they noticed and asked and I told them I just felt bad cus they cudnt eat.

And we watched Naruto and just chilled and I felt my spiral dissipate. Just expressing it out loud slowed down my spiral. Cus in the moment I was just getting intrusive thoughts like “you’re a failure, youre a terrible friend, you can’t even do simple things right, you’re so miserable, you should punish yourself by not eating, it’s all your fault that you ruined their whole day for tomorrow, they’re going to suffer bc of u etc etc”. And then I was like I can either isolate (which felt like the “better” more familiar option) and continue to spiral into self hating gunk OR stay present and just say the feeling out loud and see where it goes from there.

Although I wanted to do the first thing (isolate), I said no. Bc I knew I wud just sulk and be upset and it wud just turn into a whole existential deep hatred for myself especially with how the week went. So I sat and processed what to do. My friend asked if I was ok. I said it simply that I felt bad cus they cudnt eat. We continued watching the show and the spiral dissipated as I engaged with my friends again and got out of my head and present with the moment and the show.

And then there was a moment after the show was done and I said sorry for getting moody, and explained the whole thought process above.

And I didn’t say this out loud cus I didn’t want to take up too much time deep diving esp cus it was getting late and my friend was just low from not eating well today, but another thing to note is I know where this extreme splitting of myself is coming from.

This is also very specific to my best friend who I am talking abt. We had a rough past, bc of me and essentially my unchecked/undiagnosed BPD. There was a point where they basically said if I don’t change the relationship can’t continue. And I’m still grappling with the guilt of the pain I put them through. And I know it’ll take time. But this is why when I make a mistake or don’t do something exactly as I planned when it’s something including my friend I spiral into this guilt self hatred shit. But I will say I’ve gotten better over time.

I remember before I literally bawled bc I offered them a cinnamon roll I made and they politely said no thank you. And I just immediately spiraled like: oh god they think the food I made is disgusting so therefore I’m disgusting and horrible and vile and they’re going to leave me and they secretly hate me and etc etc. and thinking abt this now I’m like…god damn. It was really that intense for me!!! And now I wud just not react that way at all. And I later told my friend this whole thing and they were like oh I just literally brushed my teeth and just didn’t want that specific food item in that moment anyway. Lol it was just such a non situation and I blew it up in my head.

And like I definitely still do this and struggle but it’s not nearly as bad as it used to be. And in regards to the situation that happened tonight, instead of catastrophizing and being like oh god now tomorrow will be all bad and my friend is going to starve!! I slowed down and was like well, what are possible solutions? They can’t get food in the morning bc it’s too early, I can’t make them food early in the morning bc they expressed they need something high dopamine to b able to eat after a bad texture food (can’t b the usual breakfasts I make), they can’t eat something near their job bc there’s not much nearby and their break is short, BUT I can try to order them food near their job during their break. So we figured that out together and hopefully It will work out. And even if it doesn’t it’s not the end of the world. It will just suck, but it’s a situation that can be recovered. And ppl make mistakes, and the mistake i made is just something that can happen sometimes. And there are solutions to these problems.

I need to practice more self compassion bc self hate doesn’t even benefit the situation nor the relationship. If anything it makes everything worse.

So yeah. I wanted to write this all out so I can look back and really see the progress I’ve been making and im proud of myself for that. Bc esp when spirals and bad days and weeks and sometimes months happen, I can remind myself that I am getting better slowly instead of just thinking everything is the same. Bc it can b hard to think I’m getting better when I still go thru intense emotional waves.

I just need to continue to push forward and slow down at the same time :)

[saintobio]

sincerely not. (14)

↳ gojou satoru/reader

with an arranged marriage set in place, the sacred bond is doomed with a wife who wants to make the relationship work and a husband who’s ready to ruin it all. unbeknown to him, a tragic fate already lies within the pages of his romance book.

genre. heavy angst, unrequited love, arranged marriage, modern au, 18+

tags/warnings. mentions of death, mentions of violence and physical abuse

notes. 10.4k wc. i’d like to take this opportunity to announce that i will be going on a week-long hiatus to refresh bc i’m currently experiencing burnout. the next chapter will come to you guys on the 20th of august. for now, please enjoy this chapter. i might do character interviews soon. tysm for the beta @suhkusa <3

series masterlist -> episode fifteen

For the next twenty-four hours, you never got any proper sleep.

The entire Gojou family was heavily in bereft following the demise of their loved one whose unexpected death caused complications in their household. Satoru himself could not sleep even though you ended up going back to the penthouse to keep him company in his loneliest time. Nana’s death had his mind running on an endless treadmill, exhausting him for the whole night until he was mentally, emotionally, and physically drained. Just last night, you heard him silently crying as he forced himself to sleep, and your heart broke at how he tried to apologize for not being a ‘true man’ after allowing himself to be even more vulnerable than you.

Why would he have to apologize? Grieving, regardless of the gender, made him human so he didn’t have to feel sorry for showing the weaker side of him. He wasn’t a robot nor was he an emotionless being. He could experience every type of pain that a person may go through and you knew by experience that losing a family member could make someone feel hollow inside. You could understand that Satoru was receiving the magnitude of Nana’s death a lot heavier than the rest of his family because they were putting the blame on him for being the cause of her heart attack.

But essentially, this all boiled down to you. Had you not selfishly announced a divorce that night, none of this would have happened and you could have spared Nana from an imminent death. This was the reason why you had been weeping on your own, too. You kept thinking about how different things would have turned out if you simply communicated with your husband prior to deciding on a divorce on your own. Perhaps, even if you still ended up wanting to separate yourself from him, it could have been done on a good note.

This whole tragic outcome was simply meant to show you that you could never have the upper hand. Your marriage was doomed from the beginning and it was inescapable for the most part, unless you would rather sacrifice the effect it would have on your families, just like what happened to Nana—the very woman that your husband treated like his second mother.

Satoru needed people in his life and your topmost priority as of right now was to stay beside him along with your mother-in-law whose sudden presence added to the comfort that her son desperately yearned for. Back at the hospital, Nana’s caregiver revealed that her death didn’t appear to be due to a heart attack because her eyes were bloodshot and her mouth was parted open when she first saw the old woman in her bed—that was, until Eula ordered them to close Nana’s lids and force her jaw back in. Harsh, but this led to speculations of Satoru’s stepmom being the cause of Nana’s untimely death. Was she the one who had said something to Nana that resulted in her ‘heart attack’? Or could she have done something more to take her life by imbruing her own hands?

Your husband was already too engulfed by his heavy downpour of emotions that he no longer had the energy to go on a rampage about it. He had suspicions about Eula just as you and your mother-in-law did after hearing about the caregiver’s narrative, but Satoru had chosen to remain reticent until the clinical autopsy report came out.

The result? It was a myocardial infarction, exactly like what his stepmom claimed.

“Don’t you think we could have requested a second opinion before they proceeded with the cremation?” you asked, fixing your husband’s tie as he looked straight ahead. Straight to where a large portrait of Nana was displayed behind her burial urn, enwreathed by white flowers and candles that served as part of her memorial.

Satoru’s eyes were empty. Although they were dewy from tears, he had also obtained dark circles under his sunken eyes that were becoming more visible as another hour passed by. You could feel him instinctively leaning against your hand when you wiped his rosy cheek and he took a deep breath before finally cutting his gaze away from Nana’s portrait. “I asked dad if we could do a forensic autopsy,” he spoke in a languid voice as he looked at you. “He got mad and said I was only trying to pass the blame onto someone else.”

Your grimace already spoke for itself. What on Earth even was his father’s logic? It seemed that he and his wife were so dead set on blaming Nana’s demise on Satoru that they were refusing to acknowledge any other circumstance that could have resulted in her tragic fate. You could understand that they trusted the clinical autopsy as these reports came from licensed pathologists, but there was no harm in getting an investigation done from a forensic perspective as this was considered an unwitnessed death.

Before you could speak, Satoru pulled you for an embrace and placed his chin above your head. “It’s too late, anyway,” he said, visibly lackluster. “They already cremated her body.”

“This is all my fault.” You had to pull away just so you could let him see the sincerity in your eyes. “I was the one who asked for the divorce and一”

“Don’t blame yourself. You did nothing wrong.” His eyebrows were furrowed and a disapproving frown was setting on his pale lips. “I can take all the blame and be liable for whatever happened to Nana. Even if this was never my intention, I’d rather have the blame on me than on you. You… You already did so much for me. You suffered too much from being with me. The divorce wouldn’t have crossed your mind if I didn’t give you a reason to think about it, so it makes sense that my dad is agreeing to whatever that woman is telling him.”

You shook your head sullenly. “It’s still unfair that you’re getting blamed.” You couldn’t do much to share his suffering, but you spent the next few minutes hugging him tightly and listening to the slow beat of his heart while he received comfort from your warmth. The only time you had to pull away from the embrace was when his mother came inside the viewing room to talk to the both of you.

“Satoru? Y/N?” His mom approached closer, placing the soft palm of her hand on Satoru’s back. “People have arrived for the viewing. Do you wanna greet the guests?”

It was ironic how Satoru’s mom was the one who was accommodating the visitors instead of Eula who should act as the frontman for the grieving family since she was the legal wife. You found it utterly distasteful how Eula always took pride in presenting herself as the lawfully wedded wife when it came to family celebrations, but this time around she was often just hiding in the shadows of her husband and allowing his ex-wife to do all the work.

But you decided not to think too much about it as you grabbed your husband’s hand and squeezed it softly. “You don’t have to seek out each guest,” you told him, receiving a slow nod as a response. That was his cue to go back to his previous seat in front of Nana’s wake because he insisted on being left alone so he could stay with her. With his request, you and your mother respected it by heading out to see the guests who wanted to pay a quick prayer towards the deceased and offer words of sympathies for the grieving family.

Most of the people wore dark and somber colors as proper decorum. Men were in classic suits and ties while women were in simple black attires without any flamboyant patterns to follow funeral etiquette. You were able to recognize half of the businessmen who came as well as Satoru’s cousins and friends. Ieiri and Getou came to greet you first, both showing worry for you and your husband after they heard the unfortunate news. You guided them towards where Satoru was so they could show their presence even if he didn’t wish to talk to anyone at the moment. Knowing that his best friends were here would help bring comfort to his mourning heart.

The guests kept arriving for another hour after they saw the obituary notice in the headlines. There were influential people and even politicians who were all acknowledged by your father-in-law. You didn’t even notice that your own father had already arrived until you saw him next to Satoru’s dad, nodding at each guest and thanking them for their words of sympathy.

“Have you had any sleep, darling?” was the first thing your father asked when you greeted him with a quick embrace. “You look pale.”

Quickly, you gave him a small smile as you responded. “Don’t worry, dad. I can manage. I need to be here for him.”

You could tell by the worry in your father’s eyes that he wanted to ask more details as to why you brought up the divorce, but he was considerate enough not to talk about it for now at least. You considered it a good thing because you were still unprepared to tell him regarding your initial plan about divorcing Satoru because you knew for sure that it would be a long conversation. There were many topics to discuss—the divorce, the merger, and your plan hereafter. It would be better to have that conversation when you were more emotionally capable to do so.

“Is Gen arriving with her family soon?” you inquired, glancing at the other room to where Satoru remained seated for the longest hour.

Your dad nodded and rubbed your shoulder. “She’s heading straight here as soon as the plane arrives,” he informed. “She said they saw the news through social media when they were boarding the plane.”

Personally, you chose not to check the news and your social media for some time even though you were aware that you were receiving a flood of messages from distant family members and friends. Satoru himself did not bother to check his phone all day and he had you holding onto it so you could be the one to tell him if there were any urgent calls that he had to attend to.

There were no calls. Only hundreds of messages from relatives, employees, or simply the people who knew him. What left you surprised, however, was when you saw the lockscreen on his phone. It was you in Iceland, smiling and looking up at the northern lights—the same picture that you deleted from his camera roll out of spite. Your heart nearly jumped when you saw your face on his lockscreen and your curiosity prompted you to check his camera roll to look for all the previous photos he had of Sera, but all of them have been deleted except from the only one he had of you.

You certainly didn’t know how to react to it and you were feeling a wave of conflicting emotions as you remembered his words before you made love to him. I broke up with her, he swore on his life. I want you. Just you.

“Y/N-chan?”

Turning around to the owner of the familiar voice, you happened to see Naoya Zen’in greeting you from the other side of the hallway with Megumi, Maki, and Mai following him from behind. You didn’t expect to see them today, but you were grateful when the twins immediately hugged you with sadness lingering on their pretty faces to show how much they felt sorry for what you had to go through. Setting the business rivalry aside, you appreciated the fact that they came here at all even though they had no obligation to.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Mai was the first one to offer her condolences before Maki did the same as she pulled away from the hug.

“We’ll be here if there’s anything you need, Y/N-san.”

Similarly, Megumi was bowing at you before he spoke. “My dad’s currently talking to Mr. Chairman, but he’s worried about you.”

Worried about me? It must be because of how your voice cracked when you talked to him over the phone. All of the Zen’in kids looked concerned about your well-being just as much as Toji was, and you found it quite humorous to see how Naoya was the only one who could still greet you casually. There was a trace of sympathy in his eyes, but the man was a frolic by nature, so you couldn’t really tell what his true feelings were behind his mask of playfulness.

“Y/N-chan, I know you’re supposed to look dull because of the somber mood here, but…” his cat-like eyes scanned your face, “…you’re actually glowing.”

Maki had already hit the back of his head before you could respond. “Stop flirting with her. Toji-san’s gonna kill you.”

“It was a genuine statement and you didn’t have to hit me—!”

The bickering elicited a soft, soundless laugh from you and it was somehow refreshing to be able to smile like that again. It had been a while since you last had a reason to laugh, but you owe it to the Zen’ins for always being the solace that you needed during your darkest days. It was amazing how you were able to feel a sense of home even when you were merely surrounded by this family that you were not even closely tied with. You wondered if your husband’s family would ever reach this sort of connection with each other. But considering Nana’s death, it seemed that whatever remaining bond they had was completely destroyed.

There was a change of expression on Naoya’s face when his eyes flickered to the corner of the hallway and you followed his gaze to see a familiar woman with long brown hair, eyes covered by her large sunglasses as she took a peek towards the main hall. It looked like she was purposely trying to avoid any sort of attention and was only seeking someone specific. That someone being your husband, and you kept your eyes glued on the woman until she removed her sunglasses to reveal her identity.

It was Sera.

Of course, why wouldn’t she show up? You already had an inkling that she was going to visit and try to talk to Satoru, but you never realized how surprising it would be to actually see her here. The visitations for regular employees were scheduled for tomorrow. Today was only for family members, business partners, and the elites. Even more, was she not aware that her presence would only cause more chaos to the grieving family?

Because you have announced the divorce, many people would speculate that she had something to do with it and you could only imagine the rage on Gen’s face once she saw her and put the puzzle pieces together. Your sister had no idea about who Sera was and you weren’t sure if she was aware about the divorce, but it would be easy for her to recognize Sera as the ‘homewrecker’ if she had seen her trying to vie for Satoru’s attention. You could stomach it if she wanted to comfort your husband in private, but it was blatant disrespect to your families for her to show up and steal the attention away from Nana.

Perhaps she could feel the intensity of your stare because Sera turned her head towards you and rolled her eyes before she walked out. Now, where on Earth was she headed to?

“You guys okay? You wanna sit in the other room for a while?”

As Sera momentarily left your view, your stepmother-in-law snatched your attention as she came to welcome the Zen’ins in a cordial demeanor. She had a hand placed on Naoya’s back while she tried her best to talk to him and the kids, seemingly trying to make them feel comfortable even when they were in the presence of a business rival.

However, Naoya stiffened next to your in-law and visibly avoided looking at her face. It was for the first time in your life that you had seen this man looking a little uneasy. He must be really uncomfortable with her presence knowing that he disdained the upstarts with passion. You’ve heard it from Satoru when he told you just how much Naoya used to pester him about not ending up like his father for marrying someone like Eula who, as per the Zen’in heir, was causing an embarrassment for the Gojou family’s reputation. The way his playfulness faded the moment Eula came was a clear message that he disliked the woman more than you thought.

“No, it’s fine Mrs. Gojou.” Mai offered a brief, but polite smile towards the older woman.

Fortunately, Yuuta cleared the awkward air as he went to greet the Zen’in kids who had a far better relationship with him as compared to the adults who ran the rival companies. “Hey, guys.”

“Yuuta,” Maki was quick to acknowledge the boy’s presence when he walked in. You could feel how Yuuta was anxious to be around other people, even around you, but you could understand that the boy was going through the same grief as Satoru was. He had been with Nana for nearly eight years and she treated him like her own grandchild despite the lack of connection in their bloodline. It must have been very difficult for a young boy to handle a loved one’s death at this phase of his life because you knew by personal experience how it felt. He needed to be around people who could give him as much comfort as he needed and you were glad that his friends were here for him.

As for you, you had other business to deal with and you took the chance to excuse yourself from them while you walked towards the direction of where Sera went. It wasn’t like you were chasing her away—you were simply decreasing the risk of a scandal coming out because of her visit since she didn’t have the simple logic to think about how her actions could affect the people around her.

If she wanted to talk to Satoru so badly, she could do it at another time but you were never going to allow it tonight. You would stand on your ground and keep her away before she could even think of making a scene at your grandmother-in-law’s wake. Sera should have had the decency to know that this was not the perfect place to be an intruder to a family gathering. She may have gotten away with it in yours and Satoru’s marriage, but this was where you would set the boundaries.

You managed to see her outside of the establishment, walking back and forth as if she was trying to figure out a way on how to reach your husband. There was genuine worry in her eyes that immediately vanished from the moment her gaze landed on you. The shift in her countenance was remarkable, especially with how she raised an eyebrow when you approached her and looked at the surroundings to see if you were at least out of everyone’s earshot.

“What do you want?” she questioned.

As you crossed your arms over your chest, you tried to keep your breathing steady when you sent her a glacial stare. “Leave before my sister sees you here. Take this as a warning.”

“I don’t care about you or your sister,” Sera scoffed, holding her chin up high as though she was unfazed by your hostility. This girl… You frowned. She’s dressed-to-kill at a funeral? You could see her intentions of trying to fit in with the elites, but there was an appropriate time to be wearing tweed coordinates. A funeral wasn’t the right place to make a fashion statement or to stand out as an individual. However, before you could pay more attention to her outfit, her stance had completely changed again as soon as she saw the person walking behind you. “Satoru!”

There, running past you, was Sera who shamelessly enveloped your torpid husband in her arms, soon wiping his bruised cheeks and cupping them into her hands with the desperation of getting him to look at her.

“Sera.” Satoru held her wrist, eyes empty and lifeless.

“I’m sorry this happened.” You could tell by the tone of her voice that she was about to shed faint tears in front of him. “I’m here for you. I’ll be here for you, always.”

You wouldn’t have cared and you were about to pivot on your heels to take your exit, but your feet were stuck on the marble floors as Toji and Naoya walked out of the funeral home only to see the odd situation between your husband and his apparent ex-girlfriend. It was natural to see Toji’s concerned eyes immediately focusing on you, but it was strange to see how Naoya—despite already having seen Sera earlier—was acting shocked at the sight of her and Satoru together. He even placed a hand on his parted mouth in intrigue. What ever happened to the Naoya who became rigid at the sight of your stepmom-in-law next to him?

“You should go home.” Satoru’s voice had you looking back at him after a minute of distraction and you watched how he removed Sera’s hand from his face and stared at her listlessly. “I’ll be alright. I have my wife next to me.”

“B-But…” Sera took another step closer, but could not continue her words.

He was adamant at shaking his head in refusal. “I can’t really entertain people right now except for my wife.”

It was no longer in your personality to rejoice over the bare minimum and yet you still felt satisfied after hearing him say those words to her. Not because you wanted to shove it in Sera’s face, but because you’ve always wanted to know if Satoru could ever pick his own wife over another woman when the right opportunity came. This was the perfect opportunity and he certainly did not fail you.

You couldn’t see Sera’s reaction as her back was turned to you, but you did witness firsthand how she clenched her hand into a fist and raised it out of anger. Satoru flinched as a defense mechanism and your heart dropped to your stomach to see how his body had just instinctively reacted towards any impending violence. Your husband, your poor husband, had gotten used to receiving physical assault to the point where he would recoil over whichever action that his mind registered as a threat.

Was it really just a mechanical response? Or was it because he had received violence from Sera before and he assumed that he would receive it again? You were already fuming at the thought of her laying her hands on him.

“You heard him. You should go home. I’ll have the bodyguards escort you on the way out,” you intervened by adding more authority to your voice. Sera was looking back at you in disbelief as though she was going to fight back if only the two of you were alone.

In the end, she decided to pull up a pitiful face that almost made you roll your eyes. “You’re being so mean. I just wanna be here for him. Please don’t be selfish.”

“It’s not being selfish, it’s respecting people’s boundaries. He’s clearly grieving and wants to be left alone.” How could she even make this about her?

To cut the tension, Satoru took it upon himself to step away from his ex and grab your hand, intertwining it with his as he led you back to the entrance where he faced an awkward Toji and Naoya who looked like they were waiting for their driver.

Toji, being the rational man that he was, gave your husband a few light pats on the back before he spoke to him. “Satoru, I already talked to your father. My heartfelt condolences on your loss.”

“Thank you,” was all that your husband could muster to say, tightening his hold on your hand while glancing at Sera who seemed to be engaged in a staring contest with Naoya. They know each other?

You tried to overlook the fact that Sera and Naoya were sharing communicative looks and instead focused on thanking Toji for his quick visit. “We appreciate you coming here, Toji. You and the Zen’in family.”

Toji looked like he wanted to say more to you, but had limited himself to a few words out of respect for your husband. “Anytime. We’re actually just about to leave.”

“You guys are leaving?” All of you turned to see Satoru’s mom appearing from the main entrance with a small but curious smile on her face. She was then looping her arm around her son’s while looking at Toji, Naoya, and… Sera. “Oh, we have a new visitor. Come in, darling.”

You saw the wave of panic that bathed your husband’s eyes. “No, mom. She’s—”

Toji cut him off. “She’s with us,” he claimed, saving the day by adding, “and we’ll be leaving soon.”

Even Satoru himself was surprised by Toji’s effort to try and cover the whole thing up and he showed appreciation by sending him a discreet nod, squeezing your hand as he pulled you close. “Mom, we should go back.”

Your mom-in-law agreed. “Okay, well一”

“Wait.” Sera halted her footsteps to approach your husband’s mom. Oh, God. Can the world give you a break for once? You could even hear Satoru’s weary exhale as his ex-girlfriend offered a hand to his mom. “You’re his mom? My name’s Sera.”

While your mother-in-law returned her handshake, Gojou was pulling you by the waist as if reminding Sera that she was in the presence of his wife and that she shouldn’t reveal their relationship even if her life was on the line. But because your mom-in-law was curious, she then asked, “Nice to meet you, Sera. You look beautiful. Are you a friend of my son?”

You caught Naoya holding himself back from grinning until Toji nudged him on the rib and glared at him. The younger man then took it as a hint to quit his antics while the latter presented to answer on behalf of Sera. “She’s Naoya’s girlfriend,” Toji announced, only so he could feed your in-law’s curiosity more than anything else.

Naoya, who did not consent to play the fake boyfriend role, had to hide the look of offense on his face because he was scared of Toji more than anyone in this building. “Yeah, she’s not really a girlfriend. Just… no labels. I don’t do the label thing.” Naoya laughed awkwardly, oversharing his romantic endeavors as if Satoru’s mom cared at all. Soon enough, he was pulling a confused Sera closer to him. “But don’t worry about it.”

Satoru was tired. Frankly, you were, too.

He was already emotionally unstable after the overwhelming grief that he had to process in a span of twenty-four hours and dealing with Sera was going to make him lose his mind. The plain sight of fatigue on his face was what prompted you to simply pull him away before you sent your parting bows towards Toji and Naoya, walking back inside the funeral home with his mom following him behind.

By the time you reached the main hall again, Satoru was already too sluggish to acknowledge the rest of the people inside the room and you silently guided him back to his seat in front of Nana’s portrait so you could let him have his peace of mind. This time around, he had his hand interlaced with yours while placing soft kisses on it as his lonely blue eyes stared at Nana’s urn.

His mother was seated on his other side, rubbing his shoulder in comfort and providing the motherly warmth that she failed to give him for the last eight years. You could tell that your thoughts overlapped with hers because it surprised you when you saw how glossy her eyes became when she looked at her only son. “Satoru, I understand why you hate mom now. I’m sorry.”

Your husband kept a stoic expression that emphasized his sunken face. “Nana was the only mother I had left.”

It felt like you shouldn’t be here to hear them have their heart-to-heart talk, but Satoru was tightening his hold on your hand and refusing to let you go. Was it your presence that was keeping him intact? You assumed that he wouldn’t be as numb as he was now if you weren’t next to him. A lot of people could fall unhinged with the shock of bereavement, but he was not reaching that state yet because he had you as a distraction.

“I know. I know I shouldn’t have left you behind, but I…” While clasping her hand around her son’s, her lips quivered from the downpour of regret that washed over her. “I wouldn’t have been able to give you the life that you wanted if I took you with me. You’re an heir and you’ve always dreamed of running the business since you were a little boy. Your father couldn’t let you have the company if I didn’t leave you behind.”

He closed his eyes and held his breath. “Did you know that dad physically abused me and still does up to this day?”

Satoru’s mom teared up in silence. “No. No, I was made to believe that you were doing well. He tried to cut me off of any form of contact with you for years until I had realized that you were the one refusing to get in touch with me. I understand why. I’m sorry that mom wasn’t there to protect you, Satoru. No words can express how regretful and broken I am for what I had unknowingly put you through. I’m… I can see why you don’t want me to be around you anymore, but I hope that you can at least let mom make it up to you.”

Her last words seemed to have awakened a recent memory in your husband’s brain because his eyes went back and forth between you and his mother as though he was juxtaposing the situation in his head. You could not read his mind, but you were able to discern his thoughts based on the emotion—or lack thereof—on his face. He must be thinking, ‘how could I not give her a chance when I promised my wife the same thing?’

“It’s not your fault that he’s built that way,” he said after a while, referring to his father with a bitter taste in his mouth. “He’d still have found someone else to hurt one way or another.”

There was pain in your mother-in-law’s face as she caressed her son’s cheek and embraced him in her arms. The longingness between a mother and son could be felt from the atmosphere that surrounded the two of them and it somehow felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off your shoulders knowing that Satoru allowed the chance to mend things with his mom. Moments like these reminded you of your own mother and your eyes moved on its own to search for your dad who was standing at the doorway talking to your relatives, but glancing at you every now and then to make sure that you were doing okay.

Surprisingly, you were doing okay for someone who had a heart condition that could lessen your lifespan exponentially if you didn’t take care of yourself. You weren’t even sure how you would be able to tell it to your husband and your father all the more.

Perhaps, dying in your sleep would be better than suffering in a hospital bed fighting for your life.

Why doesn’t he look at me?

Sera repeatedly asked herself that question as she watched Satoru’s figure fading into view. She only wanted to comfort him and let him know that she was here for him, but how come he didn’t seem to appreciate even the minuscule effort that she had placed into seeing him? It wasn’t easy to sneak into this godforsaken place and the fact that she tried her best to see him should be warranted with gratitude. Sera didn’t even have the luxury to linger around like this when she had her family to deal with back home, so she felt that it was a little bit unfair how her sincerity was being taken for granted.

Has Satoru allowed himself to be brainwashed by you?

And wasn’t it weird that he didn’t even display any ounce of jealousy when Naoya played along and claimed that he was dating her? Sera despised how she was being refused the privilege to be acknowledged by his mom because of you and she absolutely hated how you were walking around with your chin up high so you could look down at her. If there was no funeral, she would have made a scene already but she had to pull herself together because she was a dignified woman who knew better than to be petty with someone like you.

“When the driver arrives, you tell him your address and we’ll drop you off.” Toji spoke to her with a voice that was an octave deeper than Gojou’s. As he stood like a fine man dressed in a classic suit and tie, Sera’s anger had quickly faded now that he was talking to her.

“It’s okay. You can just drop me off the subway,” she instructed, facing the man who simply nodded at her while she looked at him with a hopeless look on her face. Why couldn’t she have fallen in love with someone like Toji instead? Her heart was hurting the more she thought of Satoru, especially now that he was betraying her love by choosing you over her and it was greatly upsetting her inside.

“What’s taking them so long? I’m getting impatient here, Toji-kun.” Naoya, on the other hand, would have been a perfect candidate as Sera’s love interest if only he wasn’t too high maintenance for her.

Toji placed his hands inside his pockets and looked around. “Stop your whining. I already texted Megumi. The twins are just saying goodbye to Yuuta.”

While the blond puffed out his cheeks in response, Sera decided to start a conversation with her dear friend to distract her depressive thoughts. “Did you get to greet Miss Eula?”

“She’s too busy.” Naoya looked around in panic before sending a wary gaze back at her. “Don’t ask about her right now.”

But why? Wasn’t he close enough to her that she even treated him like her own son? Sera was puzzled with the way Naoya had reacted, but they were soon distracted at the presence of another woman’s arrival.

Needless to say that this woman was a long-standing member of high society. Even though she donned a simple black trapeze, her domineering aura and intimidating presence reminded Sera of the archetypal boss ladies in the Gojou Group. It didn’t even surprise her when Toji greeted the woman after she stepped out of a sedan with her husband.

“Toji Zen’in?” She lit up at the sight of him. That smile, those eyes… “How long have you been here?”

Toji greeted her and her husband with a handshake. “Just about to leave. Did you arrive in Japan just today?”

“Yeah. We came here straight off the PJ. It’s a mess, I can’t even keep up with everything that happened while we were gone.”

“It must be overwhelming. You should go check with your sister, Gen.”

Gen? Sera turned to Naoya who was grinning on the side. This is your sister? She could now see what the blond had just told her about when he gave brief descriptions about the woman. She was living to the expectations that were set on her as a strong, outspoken woman who didn’t hold back at lowering her voice the way you did. Sera wasn’t scared, but she was deeply curious to see just how different this woman was from you.

“I definitely should. It was nice seeing you, though. Hey, Naoya.” And after greeting the blond, Gen’s eyes had then found her. She wasn’t scrutinizing nor was her gaze full of judgement. She only seemed to be genuinely curious as to who Sera was, eyes travelling on her from head-to-toe which appeared to be a stupid trait that all rich people shared.

But before she could ask who she was, the three Zen’in kids already came out of the funeral home and Toji was insisting for everyone to get inside their luxury van before Gen could try to start a conversation with Sera. Well, all she received from the woman was a raised eyebrow before she and Toji exchanged a cheek kiss.

Was Toji trying to save Sera from any conflict? Or was he doing this for your reputation?

She had these thoughts in mind during the entire car ride and Sera had chosen to stay silent than to pick a fight with Mai who had been nothing but hostile towards her. It was better to hold her class than to deal with an insecure teenage girl with a rotten, snobbish attitude. She was too unbelievably pompous for someone who was only living off of her daddy’s money and Sera was sure that this girl wouldn’t even last long doing a single day of hard work.

But enough of Mai, because Sera was too downcast when she came home and checked her phone to see not a single message of apology from Satoru. Did she really not mean anything to him? Did he not appreciate that she was there for him in his most difficult time?

As Sera sat on her bed, she saw her reflection on the mirror despite the dim light that the lampshade offered and she was feeling empty the more she looked at herself. She was pretty, smart, and hard working. Her model-like appearance could turn heads in a crowded room. She even rejected many guys just to stay loyal to Gojou, but now he decided to hurt her like this? Wasn’t he the same man who always expressed how he couldn’t get enough of her? He used to even stay past office hours just so he could spend some alone time with her, and now he couldn’t even spare her a look of appreciation?

She was heartbroken and not even her pride could hide that. Not even her dignity could accept the kind of woman that she had become after loving a man like Satoru Gojou. He was her life and soul—a partner that she cherished more than anyone else in this world. How could he do this?

“Onee-chan?”

Sera wiped her tearful eyes and unintentionally smudged her mascara when her brother, Jiro, came to peek inside her room. “What is it?”

“Are you okay?” The worry in his voice comforted her and she allowed him to sit next to her while more tears gushed out of her eyes. Pathetic. She felt pathetic for hurting like this as she remembered every instance where Satoru chose you. At the parking lot of the bowling alley, outside of the hospital, and now in front of his own wife at the funeral home.

“I’m not okay,” she gave a truthful answer towards her younger brother, sniffing and wiping the tears that streamed down on her rosy cheeks. “Jiro, nee-chan’s been having it rough lately. I’m sorry if I take out my anger on you and Nari. I’m just really stressed sometimes.”

Her brother let her rest her head on his shoulders as she teared up. “It’s okay… We understand.”

“Have you been studying well? Anything you need for school?” she asked, remembering how her brother often went to school with barely enough money to have proper meals other than convenience store noodles. It wasn’t healthy food for a college student whose brain was always functioning day and night and she felt like a total failure for not being able to provide enough for her siblings. Despite the money she had received from Gojou’s father, most of it already went to pay the rent of their new house and the others to pay the debt that their burdensome father left them with. Life had always been very unfair to her since the beginning.

But her brother, in spite of their limited sources, was working extra hard to help his sister. “Don’t worry about me, nee-chan. I just started a part-time job at a fast food chain so I can help you out.”

Sera sat up straight and looked at her brother with wide, glossy eyes. “Wh-What do you mean? How can you focus on your studies?”

“It’s okay. I can manage it.” His reassuring smile didn’t make her feel any better because her own guilt was consuming her. “If you’re ever stressed from work, treat yourself with whatever you want. Buy yourself some new shoes, make up, or a dress. Go out and eat at an expensive restaurant. Don’t think about giving every single penny to us. Mom’s trying to find a way to earn money, too. And Nari just started selling cookies at her school so she could have her own allowance. We’re all helping you out, nee-chan.”

At that point, Sera was already weeping next to her brother after hearing all the effort that they were putting just to lessen the weight on her shoulders. “Just make s-sure to tell me if y-you need anything, okay?” she said, barely seeing from the tears that clouded her vision. “You and Nari will always be my priority.”

“And you will be our priority when we grow up.” Jiro’s grin warmed her heart. “I promise when I earn enough money, Nari and I will get that Birkin bag that you want.”

She chuckled through her tears and embraced her younger brother. “I love you guys so much.”

The next three days had been hectic. Aside from the reporters that stayed outside the gates, many visitors have also arrived each hour to pay tribute to the mother of the Gojou Group’s chairman. Many people have expressed their sympathies and condolences towards the bereaved and the support was definitely helping in terms of alleviating the magnitude of the immediate family’s grief. Satoru hasn’t had the chance to talk to his father and his stepmother again after the day of the cremation, but the lack of communication was because he was purposely avoiding them. The tension was still high and he knew better not to stir the pot while knowing full well that it would only lead to more confrontations.

As for you, you were grateful enough that Gen didn’t try to inundate you with questions regarding the divorce. You were guessing that your dad gave her a head start to not bring the topic up until after the burial rites because you were already dealing with a lot. Although, you did notice how Gen was distancing herself from Satoru. Your husband still treated her like normal, but she couldn’t even hide her displeasure when he tried to speak to her, limiting their conversations to just a few sentences before she would walk away from him.

You felt bad for the way your sister was treating your husband, someone who looked up to her and was close to her like her own sibling, but you also couldn’t blame Gen for acting that way. She was protective of you and it was natural for her to be suspicious of what Satoru had done that led you with the ultimatum of a divorce.

You would never tell her about the infidelity unless Satoru himself would admit it. What you have decided with was to cite your divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences because it was the best path to take. The public would not shame him for committing adultery and your families would be more accepting towards your separation.

But right now wasn’t the time to think about it. On the day of Nana’s funeral procession, you acted as an anchor of support for your mourning husband who was drowning from his own tears while he delivered his eulogy in front of everyone before they placed his beloved grandmother in her final resting place. The whole ceremony was emotional, but the loudest cry of all came from his stepmother who weeped behind her Hermés handkerchief and Dior sunglasses. She was quite the scene stealer that even Yuuta looked visibly uncomfortable with his own mother’s actions.

The Gojou family have their own private columbarium that housed their late grandfather and you were tearing up alongside your husband after you remembered that one conversation you recently had with Nana. The image of her gleeful face as she talked about her late-husband was deeply etched into your heart. At least, even if things ended tragically, you were comforted by the thought that she had now reunited with her one true love.

You, on the other hand, have a completely broken husband to take care of. Even though you experienced some chest pains during the burial rights, you’ve certainly had worse ones before because you didn’t have the necessary medication that you needed back then.

Ieiri showed her concern when she approached you after the interment of ashes and noticed how Satoru remained standing in front of the gravestone even when people had started to leave. “Are you holding up well?” she worriedly asked, pulling you for a quick but comforting hug. “Don’t forget to take your medicines on time, okay?”

You nodded in reassurance just as Getou appeared behind her. “I’ll be okay. Have you guys had the chance to talk to Satoru?”

Suguru tilted his head to peek at your husband and sighed. “Yeah, but he’s always spaced out. I guess I should give him a week or two to recover first. This was really sudden.”

“True,” Shoko agreed, sorrowful. “Are you sure you can take care of yourself, Y/N? Your husband isn’t emotionally stable right now. I can stay with you if you need me or anything.”

You appreciated her offer, but they had their own lives, too. “No, it’s okay I promise. Satoru’s mom is actually staying in Tokyo for a few months so she’s gonna be there for us.”

Getou raised his eyebrows at the information. “Oh, I thought Auntie just came here because it was an emergency. Have they reconciled?”

The small smile that you had plastered on your face was already an answer to his question. “Yeah, and his mom’s actually setting up a new branch for their restaurant here in Tokyo so she won’t be going back to Osaka for a while. I guess it's the perfect opportunity for them to reconnect.”

After an hour or so, Satoru was the last man standing when everyone else had already left and you waited for him until he was finally ready to leave, stealing the car key from his pocket and insisting that you would be in charge of driving. He barely had the energy to do anything and you didn’t want to risk a car crash because he was still deep in his sorrow.

But instead of driving straight to the penthouse, you decided to take a detour to Odaiba and earned the confusion of your husband who wouldn’t stop asking what you were up to.

“Nothing,” you ended up answering. “Just thought we should grab a quick fro-yo like old times?”

He took your hand as soon as you got out of his McLaren. “You remember?”

“Of course, I do.”

The fro-yo place had been here since you were ten years old and it was a great feeling to see that it had risen up as one of the most iconic fro-yo places in Tokyo fifteen years after. This place was memorable because his mom and yours used to take you both here to have your monthly fro-yo fix after a long day at the park. You recognized the look on Satoru’s face when he entered the shop and you instantly knew that he was having the nostalgia of his childhood memories with you.

“Should we get the usual?” he asked, never once letting go of your hand.

You peeked at the available toppings and marveled at the abundance of flavors that you could choose from. “If you still remember mine. I remember yours. It’s matcha with pistachio.”

For the first time in a long while, you were finally able to see the upward curve of his lips again. His eyes were still empty, but seeing even a little bit of his smile made your heart flutter. “Yours is banana and strawberry cheesecake.”

“This is so cheesy. We’re acting like teenagers,” you teased, scrunching your nose and feeling his soft plump lips pressed on your cheek. His kiss was fleeting and yet it meant the world to you to see how you could at least lessen the pain that he had in his heart. To see that you could erase the sadness in his face even for a short moment.

The whole fro-yo date may be sweet and romantic, but it was a different case when you returned back home. It seemed that there was nothing left of Satoru’s energy as he headed to bed earlier than usual. You had just finished your night bath when you came out to see him staring at the ceiling, perhaps self-reflecting of how he was going to move on from Nana’s death. The lack of sleep may have taken its toll because he had very prominent bags under his eyes and his skin wasn’t looking the healthiest even from afar.

You had the brilliant idea to give him a little skincare when you walked into your bedroom, freshly showered as you straddled his lap and unwrapped your go-to Guerlain Orchidée Impériale Sheet Mask.

“What’s that, baby?” he asked, hands gripping your thighs while he rested his back on the headboard. “Is that the mask that costs three hundred dollars?”

You suppressed a smile as you remembered using his black card when you purchased it online two months ago, which was why he recognized it easily. “I’ll pay you back,” you promised, putting your pink hairclips on him to keep his hair away from his face. How cute. And just then, you started placing the cold, slimy sheet on his forehead down to his cheeks. “Nothing’s too expensive when it comes to skin care.”

That was a lie. Three hundred dollars over a pack of four sheet masks was surely expensive and a waste of money, but this brand was your favorite and your husband didn’t exactly care much about the price tag.

“You don’t have to pay me anything in return,” he insisted, now placing his hands on your hips and keeping it there as you continued aligning the sheet on his face. “Actually, no. You can pay me with a kiss.”

Without any complaints, you leaned in and pressed your lips on top of his, indulging him with a soft kiss before you pulled away. “Done.”

You have gotten used to the feeling of connecting your lips to his, but the way he stared at you after the kiss was what increased the speed of your heartbeat. His blue eyes reflected a kaleidoscope of emotions—love, regret, sorrow, and appreciation. There were more emotions in his broad spectrum, but what dominated the most was his misery.

How could such a lighthearted moment suddenly shift back into something heavy again?

“I love you,” he said, voice laced with despondency.

His hand moved to tuck your hair behind your ear before he caressed your back as though he was comforted by your mere presence in his life. Still, you had no answer as to why you hesitated in returning those three words back to him. Nothing would come out of your mouth even if you opened it and you felt terrible because you knew just how badly he wanted to hear it from you.

“I love you. You don’t have to say it back,” he repeated while brushing his thumb on the apple of your cheek. “You do so much for me. You try so hard to be the best wife I could ever ask for. You stayed with me even though I had been unbearable. You listened to my trauma, put up with my cheating, and constantly forgave me for all the fucked up things I did even if you never heard any apology from me until recently. Nana said I should feel blessed to have a woman like you in my life, but how can I tell her that I don’t deserve you?”

You were at a loss of words. And at a loss of space to breathe all the more. Gojou’s mind was a befuddled mess, but you weren’t expecting that he would pour out his emotions like this again after three consecutive days of producing so many tears that left him like a dried prune. Should you say that he deserved you despite everything? Or should you be more honest and agree that you’ve been too selfless as a wife?

A soft sigh escaped his lips as he continued his monologue with a question. “Do you still want the divorce?”

At one simple question, you lost the ability to think straight. “I don’t know…”

And yet him… He seemed to have already thought this through. It looked like he had gone over it in his head a million times until he had finally decided, out of respect for you, to simply accept the end of this marriage. “Would it make you happy if I let you go?”

“Why are you—” You couldn’t tell him that your heart was splitting into two, or at least the fact that the pain felt that way. Your chest was tighter than usual and you were forced to rub your hand over your heart to try and soothe the very illness that he was not even aware of. “Why are you asking me this now?”

His eyes found the ceiling where you watched how faint tears emerged from his eyelids. The slow fluttering of his lashes signaled his exhaustion and you dreaded hearing the words that he was about to say. “I always end up hurting the people around me somehow. I don’t wanna destroy you for staying with me.”

Was this truly the same man who begged on his knees just to make you stay?

“We can talk about it at another time.” You avoided meeting his eyes and crawled out of his lap, tucking yourself under the duvet and turning your back on him. You had to or else he would see the gloom that casted your face like a cloudy sky. “Let’s go to sleep.”

Satoru couldn’t remember when he last slept for twelve hours straight, but the overall exhaustion that he had for the past few days made him numb. Sleeping in brought him comfort because that way he could shut down the despair that was gnawing at his soul when his mind wasn’t conscious. It didn’t really help that he had no motivation to get up from bed, but the only reason why he was standing barefoot on the carpeted floors was because you weren’t in bed when he woke up the next day.

It was a routine. Gojou was so used to seeing your face the first thing in the morning that he often felt empty when you disappeared from his line of sight. He was overthinking—no, paranoid was the right term. His mind was suggesting that maybe you had chosen to leave him because he was such a heavy baggage to carry along and he couldn’t really blame you for feeling that way. However, when he stepped out of the bedroom, he could smell the inviting aroma of freshly brewed coffees and he found you in the kitchen preparing a lavish breakfast for you two.

“Good morning,” you were the first one to greet him while he walked straight towards you.

His greeting was a peck on the lips before he embraced you in his arms. “Morning.”

“You need to eat a lot, okay? Consider this your brunch.” The motherly tone on your voice was quite endearing and he adored how you could manage to be such a calming presence to him without even trying.

When he cupped your cheeks, he pressed the tip of your noses together and rubbed it against each other. “How can I get used to mornings without you?”

How could he find joy to start his day once he was no longer with you? Life was surely a rollercoaster ride. It was crazy to think how he used to neglect you in the first few months of your marriage and he even promised himself that he didn’t need you until he had fallen in love, again. Frankly, nothing could compare to the gratifying feeling and the intensity of his emotions after he realized just how in love he was with you. He could fall in love with you every single day and not get tired of the electricity that sparked in his heart because you were the only person that could send him into seventh heaven.

Though, on your part, it looked like you were just doing your obligation as a wife. “Sit down and eat,” you instructed, ignoring his question and forcing him to take his seat on the bar stool.

Satoru obeyed your commands and drank from his cup of Americano, eyes trailing on you while you took out the box of lemon bars from the refrigerator. He was already munching on the crispy bacon strips that you had cooked and remembered how much you craved those lemon squares yesterday when you dropped by at a bakery after your quick fro-yo date.

“Why do you like those so much?” he inquired, keeping you trapped under his curious stare.

You placed the delicacy near your nose, engulfing yourself with its sweet smell before you took a bite. “Because it’s so good.”

With the way your eyes sparkled as you happily ate those bars, Gojou was already full just by watching you. He could buy you a hundred boxes of your favorite dessert if it meant that he had to see the felicity in your face each time you took a bite. Unfortunately, the bliss was only momentary because you were soon pressing your palm on your chest and downing a glass of water to calm yourself down.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked, getting up from his seat to quickly stand on your side.

You tried to wave him off, but whimpered when the pain on your chest had seemingly gotten worse. “Nng—my med… medicine. Can you please—?”

Panic flashed before his eyes. “Where is it? What medicine?”

“P-Pink make up bag.”

He knew exactly what you were referring to and he was dashing back to the bedroom at lightning speed just to grab the make up pouch that you hid inside your drawer, hastily taking it with him when he returned to you. “Here. Do you wanna go to the hospital? You don’t look okay.” The sight made his heart pound faster than normal and he froze like solid ice as he saw how you scrambled through the pouch, withdrawing a small white bottle spraying it under your tongue. “What’s…”

You were gasping as he held you for support, but your panic attack didn’t lessen even as you used the spray. “I’m o-okay. It’s just—”

What’s happening to my wife?!

Before he could ask again, you fainted into his arms and he was shell-shocked by how fast things had escalated. All he knew was that he had to get you to a hospital at that very instant or else he might reach the zenith of losing his sanity if anything bad happened to you.

Being at a hospital again was quite a traumatic experience for Satoru, but he endured the fresh memories that lingered in his head just to ensure that you would get all of the necessary treatment that they could provide because he had gotten to a point of being extremely discomposed.

He could die today and not be surprised, but losing you through death would kill him a million times worse.

Even as your peaceful, sleeping body lay still on the ER’s hospital bed, he was pacing back and forth hoping that you would wake up soon.

What should he do? Call Gen? Tell his mom? Get Ieiri to come down and see you?

A fusillade of questions went through his disconcerted mind until a doctor opened the curtains, receiving the eager eyes of a husband who was desperate to hear some news about his wife.

“Mr. Gojou, her body’s just recuperating from fatigue,” the doctor reassured, tilting his head to see you shifting very carefully in your sleep. Still, Satoru wasn’t content with his assuring words and the doctor expected it. “Would you mind stepping out for a moment so we can discuss your wife’s condition?”

Was it serious? He nodded and followed the doctor who walked not too far away from your section of the ER and faced Satoru with a fairly neutral expression. “Doc, what’s happening to her? Is there anything I should worry about?”

Satoru literally just had to deal with his grandma’s death and he couldn’t withstand the stress of dealing with another grave situation.

The older man—Dr. Mori as labeled on his lab coat—sent him a hesitant look before revealing some important details about your health. “I’m not sure how much you have discussed with your wife, but her heart is very fragile and requires a lot of care. It appears that the patient was under constant stress for the past week and this is one of the two factors that heightened her angina attack.”

“A-Angina?” Satoru’s eyes went wide.

His whole world stopped before him.

“Yes. She was diagnosed with stable angina,” Dr. Mori confirmed, much to your husband’s horror. “But there is another factor that requires her to have more rest. You need to take good care of your wife, Mr. Gojou. Her body needs a lot of nutrients so she can carry safely.”

He could barely process this whole thing in his head because the news kept coming one after another, leaving him in a befuddled state with a flood of unanswered questions running through his mind. “What do you mean…?”

“Your wife is seven weeks pregnant.”

jjk general taglist: @kity @deeznutss @suhkusa @wonyoschubs @the-golden-jhope @6mattsun9 @hokageyamz @ermahgerd-larry-and-ziam @crashica @aizawap @juniorhooter @atsumusoup @gxtitobxby @strawberries-en-cream @dora-the-grownup @softy-woo @tsumume @kac-chowsballs @anime-nymph @kageyamakock @onlyonew @underratedmage @katsulovee @crapimahuman @alicia-1725 @fatal-impact @drippedcream

sincerely not taglist: @itsnotsoni @pluviophilefangirl @daphnxy @Icveaesop @choso-bee @sparklingblacktea @omisemi @captainchrisstan @http-strawbebbies @buttercups145 @xllance @jonsncws @and-you-found-me @tobiotetsu @jeonjungkookismyfuture @d-efend @honouredsatoru @my-reality-is-in-my-head @blueowl51 @misslovingpearl @cuteissei @japanesevenom @borpcorp @ushi-bakatoshi @idyllicodyssea

[cherrycheridarling]

dap me up | t.h.

tom holland x actress!reader

warnings: somewhat smut? swearing and fluff

summary: during an interview for your new film, tom exposes your odd routine during intimate scenes and your favourite flower.

a/n: i got carried away. there's a lot going on in here. enjoy?

wc: 2.6k

"Hello! I'm Adrien Fox with Pop Sugar and we are here with stars of the new film 'Week Off', Tom Holland and Y/N Y/L/N!" Adrien introduced you and Tom to the cameras.

You and Tom gave little waves, "Hello!"

"Now, let's get right into it."

Adrien began asking generic questions while you tried your best to prevent any spoilers from leaving Tom's lips.

"Can you explain the movie a bit to anyone who is unfamiliar with the book or hasn't watched the trailer?"

Tom opened his mouth to speak before closing it, "I think I'll let Y/N do that."

Adrien laughed before you spoke, "Yeah, um. It's basically a comedy with a little rated R content. Some romance, but mostly raunchy and hilarious stuff. It follows the employees in this law firm and their vacation away from work. Lots ensues during said trip including relationships, arguments and too much drinking."

"And you guys worked with many famous actors and actresses in this film. Like, Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone, Anne Hathaway, Zendaya, Chris Hemsworth, Kevin Hart, Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum and The Rock. How was working with that many iconic people in the industry? You guys are obviously incredibly well known as well, but I imagine some of these people were your idols growing up." Adrien asked and you and Tom nodded.

"Yeah, uh, yeah. It was an honour. Absolutely amazing. Like, I never imagined I'd be making films, let alone films with stars like Kevin Hart and Emma Stone, you know? I'm just really proud of this one and I love everyone who we worked on it with." Tom gave his answer making you nod.

You cleared your throat, "Yeah, Zendaya is my best friend and she has been for years, long before this movie came along, but I still got so excited about working with her. Jennifer Lawrence is amazing, so hilarious. You put her and Chris into a room together and it's just comedy central." you laughed with Tom at the memory.

"We've seen in the trailer that you two share many intimate and – may I say – risqué scenes in this film. Was it hard to keep that level of professionalism and friendship while shooting those scenes?"

You let out a little chuckle at the question before Tom rubbed his chin and spoke, "Since Y/N and I are already good friends off screen, I thought it would be awkward filming those scenes, but Y/N does this weird handshake after every take and it wasn't awkward 'cause it just made me laugh."

Adrien laughed a little before speaking, "What handshake?"

You shook your head with a smile as you recalled the first time you ever did the handshake with Tom.

"Ready, Holland?" you had your pyjamas on and were making your way to your mark in the set of your character's hotel room.

Tom nodded before following you in, cameras and crew hot on his heels, "Ready as I'll ever be."

He was shirtless. A pair of loose fitting grey shorts hung low on his waist. His costume for this scene as Niko Sai.

A black silk slip hung carelessly off of your frame. Ending at the middle of your thighs, v-neck dipping low on your chest. Your costume for Kora Patel.

"We're going to take it from Tom's line; 'You want me just as much as I want you'. Okay?" you and Tom gave a thumbs up, "Action!"

"You want me just as much as I want you. Everytime you sneak a glance at me and you think I don't see, but I do because I'm already looking at you, Patel." Tom walked behind you, looking at you through the mirror in front of you. "I don't blame you, I am incredibly good looking." he smirked to himself.

"I'm guessing you couldn't fit your shirt over your ginormous head?" you rolled your eyes.

Tom's smirk only grew, "Is that a little bit of drool on your mouth, Patel? Who knew the Kora Patel had a thing for Niko Sai? Oh, the Lord is good."

You rested your hands on the sink and leaned forward, "This is a useless conversation, Sai." you turned to face him, "I feel nothing for you. Don't you get that?"

He stepped closer to you and cupped your face in his palm, "Yes you do, you just don't want to." his face showed pain, all humour drained from his character.

You shook your head with a dry laugh, "You're only trying with me because it's convenient. The company's quiet little Kora Patel, right?"

He took another step towards you, holding your hip in a tight grip, "That's a lie. Nothing about us is convenient."

You chuckled before your hand flew to grasp his hair, tangling your fingers in his curls. Your other hand pressed against his pec. Nails tracing patterns on his skin. Tom's breath hitched along with yours as his body automatically drew closer to you.

You tightened your grip on his hair, "It is convenient because you know I keep to myself. You know that I won't go running my mouth about how long you last or if size really does matter. You know that I'm an easy one to fuck," you pulled him closer, "And toss aside, right, Sai?"

"No." Tom swallowed, "You're wrong, Patel."

You shrugged, "I can give you what you want," you ran your thumb across his bottom lip, "Physically." your eyes met his with heavy lids, "Not emotionally. That's why you need Remedy. Not me." your lips brushed his as you spoke, your voice just loud enough for the mics to pick up.

He leaned in and nearly kissed you before you pushed him away slightly by his chest, foreheads still touching, "Let me kiss you." he whispered, sounding so desperate that you nearly abandoned the script and pulled him into you.

You rolled your lips between your teeth, "And if I don't?" you raised an eyebrow, challenging him.

"I'll leave you alone. If that's what you want, I'll go and have a useless one night stand with a girl who could never measure up to you." he pulled your hips flesh against his, "But if you let me kiss you. I promise to show you how much I mean it when I say that I'll spend all night showering every inch of your body with the love it deserves." he brushed his lips against yours again before bringing his mouth to your ear, "Just say the word, darling, and I'm yours."

Your heavy breaths were the only things that could be heard besides the small sound of shuffling behind the cameras. Your eyes flickered from his eyes to his lips before you closed the distance and pushed your lips to his.

Fighting for dominancy, teeth clashing, hands roaming. Unscripted groans falling from Tom's lips as you tugged on his hair, running your fingers along his scalp. His hands gripped the bottom of your thighs before you jumped and wrapped your legs around his waist.

"I still hate you." you breathed against his lips as he kissed the corner of your mouth.

You felt him smirk, "You sure have a funny way of showing it."

He carried you to the bedroom, gently laying you down and climbing on top of you, never breaking the kiss. His hands running down your sides, squeezing and rubbing. Your lips moving in sync until he pulled away only to attach his lips to your jawline, leaving slow but hard kisses down your neck, leading to your collarbone.

"Still hate me?" Tom mumbled against your skin.

You let out a breathy moan, "More than ever."

"What do you hate about me, Patel?" he lifted up the bottom of your black slip.

"E-everything." you fake gasped as he rolled his hips into yours.

He laughed dryly, "Everything, huh? The noises you're making say otherwise."

"You're such a dick." you moaned.

He smirked against your breast, "You're about to take my—"

"—Don't finish that fucking sentence, Sai."

Soft moans fell from your lips as you wrapped your legs around his waist again and pulled him closer to you. He groaned against your skin as the cameras picked up every noise, every movement, every kiss. You ran your nails down his back, surely leaving marks in its wake. His grip on your hips was almost punishing, as if he wanted there to be bruises the next day.

"And cut! Great work, guys. Ten minute break and we'll shoot it again."

Tom immediately got off of you and sat to the side of the bed before looking at you with concern, "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

You let out a laugh before shaking your head, "No, you didn't hurt me. Dap me up." you held out your hand and he stared confused.

"What you up?" he chuckled.

You smiled before lifting his hand and doing the movements for him, "Just like that." he finally got it down and smiled.

"You Americans are definitely odd." he teased.

You tossed him a wink as an assistant handed you a robe, "See you in ten, Holland."

"And that's the handshake. It's not really a handshake, more of a greeting. I just did it after our first intimate scene because Tom was acting weird and I didn't want things to be awkward." you explained with a shrug as Adrien and Tom laughed.

Tom nodded, "I thought I hurt her! So I asked if I did and all she said was 'dap me up', like, what?" he laughed with you.

"You guys have really great chemistry on and off screen." Adrien complimented making your cheeks heat up.

You nodded, "Thank you. It took a lot of work to break through his industrial ego." you joked with an exhausted sigh as Adrien laughed.

Tom gasped beside you, "I do not have an industrial ego!"

"Mhm, sure." you joked before reaching over and giving Tom's thigh a gentle squeeze, "I meant indestructible."

Tom huffed and crossed his arms, "This is bullying."

Adrien laughed again, "We have to talk about something," he started and you already knew what was coming, "Lots of fans have speculated that the romance on screen carries on off screen." he smirked.

You and Tom laughed nervously. Almost awkwardly.

The situations that you went through with Tom while filming definitely built your relationship with him and strengthened it. In all honesty, you didn't know if the feelings you had for him were reciprocated.

In Tom's head, he was adamant that you had no feelings for him beyond the big screen. Both of you were too timid to confess first. His feelings for you developed a few weeks into filming and since then have only gotten stronger as your friendship grew and you spent more time together.

The amount of times that this topic had been brought up today was tiring. Every answer was the same: "No, no. We're just really good friends."

You decided to joke around, "Honestly, I've asked Tom out at least twenty times and he keeps rejecting me." you pouted and sniffled.

Adrien let out a joyous laugh as Tom gasped and choked on air at your words.

"That is not true! She has never asked me out!" he defended himself.

You shook your head with a deep frown, "He's broken my heart too many times. This is probably my last time acting with him." you continued on with the joke.

Tom shook his head furiously, "That is one hundred percent false. If she had asked me out, we would already be dating." he let the words fall from his lips without a second thought.

You fought the instinct to snap your head towards him. His confession catching you off guard. You played it off with another pout and shrug. Unsure if he was joining in on the prank or not.

Adrien raised a suggestive eyebrow, "What I'm hearing is that Y/N just needs to ask you out and we have our new couple."

You fake gasped, "Why do I have to ask him out? He should be asking me out with a million roses and a horse drawn carriage." you flipped your hair over your shoulder.

"You don't even like roses." Tom laughed, "You like dandelions because they turn into those fluffy things that you can make a wish with." he remembered the information off of the top of his head, "And because it sounds like you're saying 'dandy lions' when you say their name."

You nodded with a smile, "A million dandelions then. And maybe I'll think about it." you joked with a yawn making the two men laugh.

"You heard it here first. We have a new couple on the rise. Tom just needs to find a million dandelions and a horse drawn carriage." Adrien laughed again.

Tom scoffed dramatically, "Find? I already have them in my garage, ready to go."

Adrien cheered as you felt a heat creep up your neck, "Did I say dandelions? I meant daisies."

"Got those, too." Tom smirked making you roll your eyes.

"Okay, we need to end this interview before Tom buys all the flowers in Berlin." you joked.

After the interview ended, you said your goodbyes to Adrien and the crew before you and Tom made your way back to your temporary hotel suite for the week of press junkets.

Tom walked you to your room, stopping at the door, "That was an odd interview." he chuckled.

You nodded, "Indeed. It was fun, though." you smiled and he returned the expression.

There was an awkward beat of silence before he spoke again, "T-that whole asking me out thing. You were kidding, right? Like, just a show for the cameras?" he laughed nervously.

You swallowed air before replying with a timid smile, "Y-yeah. Totally. Just for the fans." you nodded again, "Um, I should head to bed. More interviews tomorrow. See you in the morning." you gave him a little wave before turning to your door and pulling out your key.

He nodded with the smallest of pouts before turning on his heel and starting the walk back to his suite.

Just as your hand was turning the knob, Tom's voice called out to you again.

"Would you like to go on a date with me?" he spoke in one breath.

You bit your lip to conceal your smile, but it was no use. His question sparked a flame in your stomach that wasn't dying out anytime soon.

You turned with a bright grin, "I'd love to."

His features went from pure fright to relief in a matter of seconds, "G-great. I'll- uh, I'll text you the details. Goodnight." he gave you a little salute making you laugh.

"Sounds good. Night, Holland." you nodded your head before entering your hotel room.

You leaned against the door as soon as it shut. A euphoric glow radiating off of you. You were going on a date with Tom Holland.

Tom happily punched the air. Skipping down the hallway, a new found joy in his step. Chris Hemsworth walked out of his room and examined the gleeful boy.

"What's got you all smiley?" he chuckled.

Tom stopped and smiled, staring at the ceiling, "I just got myself a date."

Chris raised an impressed eyebrow before laughing, "You really are Peter Parker. Night, kid."

"Goodnight, Chris." Tom's smile never faded as he made his way back to his suite.

Not even ten minutes had gone by since he last spoke to you and he already missed you. He pulled out his phone and pressed on your contact.

Tom: sorry i didn't have any dandelions. hope you can make an exception x

Y/N: i suppose but the horse drawn carriage is a must x

[artzychic27]

To Save a Friend

TRIGGER warning: This story contains a physical, verbal, and emotionally abusive relationship. (Thank you @unmaskedagain for reminding me to put trigger warnings)

It was a fine morning at Dupont. Students waited in the courtyard for classes to start, teachers were setting up their lesson plans, and Marinette was actually early.

There haven’t been many Akuma attacks lately, and she got small commissions, so she was able to get some rest, something she desperately needed.

Ever since Lie-la came back, she became exhausted. Her friends became wary around her, and often shunned her when she tried to call out the Italian’s lies. She still had some allies who caught onto her lies, but the rest were lost causes. And out of all of them, Alya was Lila’s most loyal follower. If anyone pointed out a hole in Lila’s lies, Alya would be quick to attack. And if she was following Lila, Nino had to follow her too.

The two childhood friends haven’t really been talking much. ‘Probably Alya’s fault.’ Marinette thought, but then she realized Nino hasn’t really talked to anyone, not even Adrien. She recalled a rumor about Alya nearly attacking Aurore when she saw the blonde girl talking to Nino, but that was just a rumor... Right? They may not be best friends, but she knew Alya was not the jealous type.

But some other things confused Marinette. For example, she knows that Nino never goes without his signature red cap, she’s never seen him wear long-sleeved shirts, and he’s be fidgeting a lot lately- Something he hasn’t done since they were five years old.

She’s also noticed a change in his personality. Nino was always so chill and laid back, but now he’s just so nervous, and jumpy, and wouldn’t really talk to anyone... Except for Alya

“Nino!”

Marinette noticed the way he flinched when Alya yelled his name. He seemed so content, just talking to Adrien until her voice rang out. He cut his conversation short and ran over to his girlfriend, who was listening to Lila ramble on and on about her “grand adventures”. Something was clearly wrong, Nino never flinched... Was he slouching? He only does that when he’s nervous

“Có chuyện gì vậy?”

Hearing the familiar voice, Marinette turned to around to find her other childhood friend, Kim, leaning against a wall. Because of their play dates when they were younger, she understood some Vietnamese and responded, “I’m just a little worried about Nino.”

Kim nods “Same. He just seems... Out of it.”

“I know!” She exclaims “And have you noticed that he’s been fidgeting? He hasn’t done that since we were kids.”

Kim recalls how he’s only seen Nino fidget whenever he was around Alya, if anyone talked about her, or if anyone just mentioned her name “Do you think they got into a fight?”

Marinette was taken aback at such a question “Nino and Alya? No way. They always seem so happy together.”

“I guess,” He looks back over to Alya and Nino. He notices the latter has a strained smile as he listens to Lila’s tales “but I still think something’s going on between them.”

Marinette had to talk to Nino and get the full story on this, ‘Something Alya needs to do when she posts content on her blog’ she thought.

But Alya would never let her talk to her boyfriend, so they couldn’t talk during school hours, and her parents needed help at the bakery, so they couldn’t really talk after school. Looking back over to Kim, she gets an idea

“Could you try talking to him after school? I would, but I gotta help my parents at the bakery.”

Kim nods “I can do that! Gotta make sure my best friend is okay.” Marinette mock scoffs and flips her hair in a Chloé-like fashion “He was my best friend first.”

Kim chuckles and plays along “Sorry, Mari. First is the worst, second’s the best. And second, would be me.” He states smugly

Marinette pouts and pulls out the big guns “Alright. No macarons for a week. Bye!” She walks away, nonchalantly. Kim realizes what he’s just done and runs after her “Wait! You are his best friend! You’re the best best friend! Don’t do this to me, Mari!”

Classes were finally over, and students were heading home. Kim walks into the locker room, and find Nino putting books into his backpack. He remembers the plan, takes a deep breath, and approaches him with a comforting smile. Kim speaks “Hey, Nino.” He looks up from his bag and smiles when he sees his friend “Hey, dude. What’s up?”

“I just wanted to talk.” He takes a look at Nino’s demeanor. The bags under his eyes, how he’s refusing to make eye contact, and his hand is wrapped tightly around his wrist “Are you okay?” ‘Smooth.’ He thought

“Yeah. I’m fine.” He says quickly then shuts his locker “I-I gotta go. Alya’s been upset for a while, so I’m gonna head down to the bakery and get those macarons she likes for our date later.”

Kim seems confused “Don’t you usually go out on the weekend?”

“She just wants to hang out more. I-I mean we’ve both been pretty busy, with the Ladyblog and my gigs, they’re just cutting into our time together. Heh, she actually suggested I stop deejaying so I’ll have more time for her.” He tries to walk away, but Kim continues asking questions

“She suggested it?” He asks, now getting suspicious

“Yeah...” He sees that Kim isn’t buying it “Well, it was more like she told me to.” Kim notices him tightening his grip around his wrist “She’s not wrong, though.”

Kim places a hand on his shoulder “Well if you need help with anything, Mari and I have your back. Alright?” Without responding, Nino walks out of the room

“... That could’ve gone better.”

Kim nearly jumps out of his skin when he heard the familiar voice of a certain redhead cut through the silence. He turns around and finds Nathaniel walking out of the bathroom.

“Don't...” He pants “... do that!” He should’ve been used to that by now. Not many know this, but Kim and Nathaniel used to hang out when they were six. The redhead artist would always sneak up behind Kim and scare him

He just shrugs “Sorry.” He tilts his head slightly “Is Nino okay?”

“I don’t know, Nate.”

“... Before you walked in, I heard him on the phone with Alya. She was screaming a lot.”

“Did you hear what she said?”

“I did hear ‘Or else’ a few times, but there was mostly just angry shouting.” He grimaces at the memory “I really think something is wrong.”

“Well, he’s on his way to the bakery.” Kim reminds himself “Maybe Mari can talk to him, she’s good at this stuff.”

—

“I’m really worried, Tikki.” Marinette said while pulling a tray of croissants out of the oven “I’ve never seen him like this. He was shy as a kid, but he grew out of that.”

“Well, maybe you could ask Alya if something’s wrong.” The tiny goddess suggested, making Marinette frown

“Alya and I aren’t really speaking right now. So, I doubt she’ll talk to me about her and Nino.” She places the try on the counter and starts placing the pastries in the display case “Y’know, ever since Lila came back, their relationship has been a little... Not great.”

“I know what you mean. They don’t seem compatible anymore.” She places a croissant in the display case “I just hope Alya isn’t hurting him.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well... Nino normally wears short sleeves, right?”

Marinette freezes, and thinks about what Tikki is insinuating “Tikki, y-you can’t be serious. Alya would never hurt him!”

“It is possible, Marinette.” She continues “Alya hasn’t been the same ever since Lila returned to school. She’s risking her life going after Akumas, demanding interviews with Ladybug and Chat Noir, and she’s been expecting you to do stuff for her but you don’t get anything in return.”

“Yeah, but that’s just Lila feeding her lies. I know Lila is terrible and is just a flat out liar, but even she’d be against any form of abuse!” She exclaimed “... Right?”

The two hear the bell ring, and Tikki quickly hides behind Marinette. Marinette looks up to see Nino “Hey, Nino. What can I get you?”

“Hey, Mari. Do you guys still have those caramel macarons?”

She thinks and remembers they’re not in stock “Nope. Sorry.” She notices Nino squeezing his wrist “Is everything okay?”

“A-are you sure? Could you check?” He asks nervously “I-I don’t care how many, just-“

“Maman ordered ingredients yesterday, they’ll be here next week. What’s the rush?” She steps from behind the counter “You don’t even like caramel.”

“They’re for Alya.” He explains “She’s just been really upset lately, I-I figured they might ease her up a bit.”

“Well, is she okay?”

“Yeah, totally. I’m usually the one who puts her in a mood. Honestly, it’s my fault.” He notices the look of concern on Marinette’s face and looks away “I just figured-“

“Nino, you’d tell me if Alya was hurting you, right?” She places a hand on his shoulder

Nino frowns “Dude! She’s not hurting me!” He exclaims “What gave you that idea? She’s my girlfriend.”

“I’m not saying that she is hurting you!” She says in defense “But, you haven’t been acting like yourself lately, and Alya’s been kinda... Irritable.”

“She's fine. Alya’s just been a little upset that Ladybug stopped giving her interviews, I-I haven’t exactly been that supportive.” He mutters the last part, but Marinette heard it clearly

“Excuse me?”

“Uh... Ne-nevermind!” He stammers “I’ll go see if that other bakery is open. Thanks again, Mari!” He runs out before Marinette can say anything else.

Tikki flies out of her hiding place with a concerned look on her face

“I really think Alya is hurting him.” Marinette still doesn’t wanna believe what the tiny goddess is saying, but it’s starting to seem like that now.

“I’ll try to talk to him tomorrow.”

—

Being unnoticed by people has its advantages. Nathaniel can see what others don’t, and learn new things about them. For instance, Lila seems to be giving Alya a lot of “advice” on her relationship. ‘You need to be the one in control’, ‘If he doesn’t listen, make him regret it’, ‘So what if he says no? He’s your boyfriend.’ ‘This is how a healthy relationship works’ Bullshit. That is not a healthy relationship. It also works well in the locker room when you see your friend’s girlfriend yelling at him and gripping his arm tightly

“I don’t want you talking to that... That BITCH! Got it?!” He nods quickly “Good.” She lets go of his arm, and storms out the room. Nino sits on the bench and cries to himself. Nathaniel quickly texted Marinette and Kim to let them know what he had seen.

—

Chloe was a lot of things. A sneak, tyrant, and a bully. But at least she had the guts to admit her flaws, unlike that Italian bitch, and that trashy tabloid girl. And Chloe understood abusive relationships. Sabrina told her stories she heard from her dad, and right now, Césaire and Lahiffe’s relationship is looking worse than those.

She was blonde, but she wasn’t dumb. There were signs of abuse, and it all was traced back to Lie-la. She didn’t mind the Italian at first. She let her have her fifteen minutes of fame, then go back to being nobody, but that didn’t happen. That girl had climbed her way up the social ladder, and she lied to do it.

She saw how the liar constantly bragged, made herself look better than others, fed people’s egos, and threatened others to get what she wanted, mainly Marinette. She even somehow managed to get the Eurasian expelled, something Chloe had never done.

But now she was encouraging an abusive relationship. This was something the blonde would not tolerate. She disliked everyone in that class, but even she isn’t that cruel.

When she saw Nino walking out the locker room with a visible bruise on his arm, she took a quick picture before he could pull his sleeve down, then went to find Sabrina. They had to get the word out.

—

Marinette considers herself a pacifist (When in her civilian form). But she has never wanted to hurt someone so much right now. When she saw the text Nathaniel had sent her an Kim on the group chat ‘Nino Protection Squad’, she was livid

“How could Alya do this?!” She screeched “This isn’t right! She doesn’t even care what she’s doing to him!” Tikki tries to calm her down so no Akumas are attracted

“It’ll be okay, Marinette. You can help him!”

“How can I do that when barely anyone in class will talk to me? They all believe that liar!” Her phone buzzes again. She checks and sees that Chloe has created a group chat. Everyone in the class, but Nino, Alya, and Lila was on. Marc, Nathaniel’s boyfriend, was included as well

QueenB

Meet me at the hotel at 4:00

Sk8r Gal

What’s going on??

VogueBoy

Is everything okay, Chloe?

RoseBud

Why aren’t Alya, Nino, and Lila on here?

QueenB

Don’t add them on

Sabrina and I will tell you everything. Just hurry!!!

Not thinking too much about the strange text, Marinette headed over to the hotel and met with her class, plus Marc, in Chloe’s suite

“Okay, we’re here.” Ivan says “What’s going on? And why aren’t Alya, Nino, and Lila here?”

“This is about them.” She notices the worried looks on Kim, Marinette, and Nathaniel’s faces “I’m sure some of you have noticed that Alya and Nino’s relationship seems a little off.”

While everyone looks confused, Marinette, Kim, and Nathaniel nod. Chloe notices Alix looking down solemnly

“And I’m sure you guys have noticed that Nino hasn’t been acting like himself lately.” This grabs their attention “... I think Alya might be abusing Nino, and Lila is causing it.” That statement causes outrage. Everyone on Lila’s side tries to defender her and Alya

“No way!”

“Alya would never do that!”

“You’re just jealous!”

“SHUT UP!” They’re all silenced by Marinette’s outburst “I believe her!” Before they can retort, Kim speaks up

“So do I.”

“... Same.” They turn to Nathaniel. Marc holds his hand “I... I saw Alya yelling at him. She was holding his arm tight, a-and he was crying after she left.” The class is stunned. No one says anything, but after a few more seconds of silence, Alix speaks up.

“I was skating by the park, and I saw them.” She frowns at the memory “Alya was yelling at him, saying he brought the wrong macaroons or something, and I just... I saw her slap him across the face.” She removes her cap and sits on the white couch “I didn’t know what to do or say, I just froze.” Juleka sits down next to her and hugs her

“I believe you guys.” She sighs “I know Chloe isn’t exactly the nicest person, but even she wouldn’t lie about something this serious. The more I think about it, the more I see Alya is hurting Nino.”

“But, why would Lila be the one who started this?” Max brings up

“Because she’s a psychotic liar!” Chloe screeches “For God’s sake, do you honestly believe someone could fall down the stairs and not get hurt, or that a napkin could gouge your eye out when you’re wearing glasses?!” Max cringes at the memory

Mylène speaks up “I believe that Nino is being hurt, but I don’t think it was caused by Lila.”

“You don’t notice how she keeps giving Alya ‘relationship advice’?” Marinette asks, putting air quotes around relationship advice. “Or how she’s been feeding Alya’s ego just a little too much? This is why she keeps putting herself in danger during Akuma attacks! And Ladybug won’t even talk to her anymore!”

“Yeah, but-“

Adrien finally speaks up “Guys, Marinette’s right. Lila’s a liar.” He feels Plagg nudging him in his pocket and comes clean “One day, Lila tried to lie and say that she was the descendant of a fox superhero. But Ladybug called her out, and well... That’s how I knew.”

“So, you knew Lila was lying and didn’t tell us?!” Alix shouts

“Could you blame him?” Chloe replies “You all turned on Dupain-Cheng when she tried to warn you!”

Everyone realizes she’s right. They’re starting to see that Lila isn’t the amazing person that thought she was. She was a manipulative liar, and they fell for every single story she told. They felt like idiots. They remembered Marinette, how she warned them, tried to point out Lila’s lies, but they didn’t listen. A few were about to apologize, but Marinette stopped them.

“You can apologize later.” She says “Now we need to help Nino, expose Lila for the liar she is, and keep Alya away from Nino for good.”

—

Marinette and Chloé used their connections to contact all the famous people Lila lies about. From Jagged Stone to Clara Nightingale, Audrey Bourgeois, XY, Prince Ali, everyone.

Adrien had informed his father of how uncomfortable Lila made him during photo shoots. Constantly touching him, being so unprofessional, and trying to kiss him every chance she could get.

Gabriel Agreste reconsidered his decision on making Lila his new model and decided to give his lawyers a call.

Sabrina told her dad about how Nino was being abused by Alya, and how Lila was causing it. She showed him the picture Chloé took of the bruise on Nino’s arm, and he was on board with the plan.

Kim, Marc, Nathaniel, and Alix gathered more evidence, such as Nino’s bruises, audio recordings of his and Alya’s conversations. They even recorded a few of Lila’s lies, and the advice she was giving Alya on how a “healthy relationship” works. This would be what they showed principal Damocles.

Mylène, Ivan, Rose, Juleka, and Max worked to find Mme. Rossi’s contact info. They eventually found the Embassy homepage where they found her phone number and email address. This information would also be brought to the principal.

—

Alya was pissed. First, her lousy boyfriend didn’t get the right macarons for their date, then she caught him talking to that jealous bitch, and now everyone was avoiding her and Lila for no damn reason! She bet Marinette got to them. That girl was taking her jealousy way too far! She was just so mad... And her boyfriend talking to Rose wasn’t helping one damn bit.

“Nino, please let us help you.“

“Rose, I told you. Alya and I are fine. I-I don’t even know why we’re having this conversation.” Before Rose could say more, Nino felt the recurring pain in his arm again. He turned around and saw Alya, a furious look on her face

“Leave him alone, Rose.” Alya sneered as she dragged Nino away.

Nino was hoping she would see this wasn’t his fault, and let him off easy this time. It was Rose who approached him, not the other way around. Alya didn’t believe him for a second. She dragged him into a broom closet, making sure no one saw them and shut the door behind her.

“Babe, please, I-I didn’t say any-“

Alya grabbed Nino by his head and slammed his faces into the wall, and three more times for good measure

“You idiot! You think you can just go behind my back and talk to some bitch?!” She smacked him across the face “This isn’t even half the pain I feel when you betray me!”

“I’m sorry!” This earned Nino a punch to the face, and a hard punch to the ribs, making him cough up some blood. “Stop! Please!” He was crying now

“Shut up!” She slapped him across the face one more time, then she reached into her pocket, pulled out some concealer, and threw it at Nino “Put that on!” Once she leaves, Nino slides down into the floor and continues crying

—

Alya could feel all eyes on her as she walked into the classroom. They weren’t friendly, though. She took her seat by Lila and waited for Mme. Bustier to start her lesson, but to her confusion, she wasn’t there. She turns to Lila “Where’s Mme. Bustier?” The Italian just shrugged

“So, Alya.” She turned around to see Adrien giving her a hate-filled look. Why? She didn’t know “You see Nino around?”

Alya just rolled her eyes “He said he’s gonna be a little late.” ‘He better get here soon.’ Adrien just slumped into his seat, his arms folded

“Sure.”

—

Irene Rossi was beyond livid. She was just filing a few papers and sending some emails to some fellow diplomats when she suddenly received a very disturbing email from her daughter’s principal. When she got to the end, she ran right outside, got in her car, and drove to the school. She was going to have a few words with her daughter

—

Mme. Bustier stepped into the classroom with Damocles and officer Raincomprix. The teacher looked horrified and so pale. But that all changed when she saw Alya and Lila. She glared at the two girls. She had never felt like this towards any of her students. She didn’t want to feel this way, but after hearing what had been going on behind her back, she felt those girls deserved the most severe punishment

“Alya Césaire and Lila Rossi?” Roger asked. The two girls nodded, and at that, he pulled out two sets of handcuffs “You two are coming with me.” He proceeded to place the cuffs on their wrists

“What?!” The two girls screamed

“But we didn’t do anything!” Alya yelled

Chloé rolled her eyes “Oh, so hitting your boyfriend is nothing?”

Alya was speechless at the accusation “You... Shut up, you bitch!

Lila started crying crocodile tears “Marinette, how could you?!”

“Cram it, Rossi!” Kim yelled, “We know you’ve been lying about everything!”

Lila was taken aback “I-I didn’t lie! I swear! Did Marinette-“

“Shut the fuck up Lila!” The students' mouths hung open when they heard Adrien curse “I have dealt with your shit before, but this is way too far! You are an enabler of abusive relationships!”

Lila continued to cry, trying to gain some sympathy, but no one except Alya came to her defense “How could you say that?!”

Marinette stood from her chair “Because it’s the truth, Alya! I saw the bruises on Nino’s arms! Nathaniel saw you yelling at him and squeezing his arm, Alix saw you at the park! You hit him!” Alya was about to retort, until-

“Hey, Mme. Bustier, sorry I’m late. I-“ Nino notices the handcuffs on Lila and Alya’s wrists and the angry looks on his classmates' face. He is about to ask what’s wrong until he sees that look on Alya’s face that says ‘Get the fuck out.’ “I... I’m gonna go.” He’s about to walk out the room until he feels his teacher’s hand on his shoulder

“Nino. I want you to be honest with me.” She says in a caring voice “Is Alya hurting you?” The room goes silent as they await his answer. When he says nothing, she places a hand on his cheek but notices something off about the texture of his skin

“...”

Bustier rubs her thumb over his cheek, revealing a purple mark. She’s close to tears “Nino...” She pulls a handkerchief out of her pocket and wipes the concealer off, revealing multiple bruises and cuts all over his face.

The students gasp at the sight. Marinette, Rose, and Adrien start crying. Ivan, Juleka, Alix, and Kim look ready to murder Alya.

Bustier turns to Roger. “Please, take them away.” The two girls are horrified when she allows Roger to take them out of the classroom, but then...

“Not so fast.”

They were about to thank God for sending them this woman dressed in a red power suit, until “Alya Césaire and Lila Rossi. You’ve been served.” She opens up her briefcase, revealing a stack of papers “Jagged Stone, Clare Nightingale, XY, Prince Ali, and Audrey Bourgeois are suing both of you for defamation.”

“WHAT?!” Alya screeched “But Lila knows them, they’ll vouch for her! They wouldn’t sue her!”

“I beg to differ. According to a few of your classmates, Miss Rossi has been lying about the following...” She pulls a sheet of paper out of the briefcase

“Claiming she saved Jagged Stone’s cat, that he wrote a song about her, Clara stole her dance moves, she visits the Prince multiple times, XY cheated on her, and Audrey begged her to model. And Miss Césaire, they’re demanding that your tabloid blog be taken down.”

Alya looked dumbstruck “B-but it’s all true!”

“No. It. Isn’t.”

Another woman stepped in. Lila immediately paled

“Lila Diabla Rossi, I can’t believe you!” She began to yell in Italian, Lila retorted, also in Italian. It was very confusing for the Parisian citizens, but the two women went back to speaking French

“You lied to me about school being shut down, about Ladybug and Chat Noir! About everything!”

“But, mama-“

“DON’T!” She yelled “You need to learn your lesson. That is why I’m wavering your diplomatic immunity.”

“What?!” Lila was livid. There was no way out of it. Where the hell was an Akuma when you needed one?!

“There’s also the matter of her partnership with the Agreste brand.” Nathalie stepped in, and a small stack of papers in her hand “Lila Rossi, you are fired. Mr. Agreste has also placed a restraining order on you. You are not to get within twenty feet of Adrien.”

Irene looked confused “Fired?”

“Oh, you didn’t know?” Nathalie asked “Your daughter is Gabriel’s newest model, and muse apparently. Her words, not his.”

Once again, the Italian woman shouted profanities in a language no one in the room, except for Lila understood. Many were wondering where the Akuma was, but Nathalie knew. It would be here in 3... 2...

“AKUMA!”

Now. She hid a smirk when she saw Lila pull out of Roger’s hold, and run for the Akuma. It went into her handcuffs, and she laughed like a maniac as the butterfly symbol appeared over her face

“YOU IDIOTS SHOULD’VE KEPT YOUR MOUTHS SHUT!”

Everyone waited for the black smoke to surround her, and for an Akuma to be in her place. Marinette and Adrien were about to get out of their seats and run somewhere private to transform... But nothing.

“What?!” She yelled “You need me! I was so damn close to getting that stupid jewelry! I almost killed Ladybug! You’d be nothing without me!”

The students were horrified. She was working with a terrorist! She admitted to almost killing Ladybug, their hero! The butterfly flew out of her handcuffs and became white again, much to their shock. Hawkmoth just revoked an Akuma.

“NO! YOU’RE USELESS HAWKMOTH! USELE-“ A black book was thrown at her head, and she passed out onto the floor, much to everyone’s shock and relief. They turn around and see Marc standing at the doorway with his arm outstretched

“Rainbow, did you throw that?” Nathaniel asks as he walks over to his boyfriend

“She was so annoying!” He exasperated. Nathaniel kisses him on the cheek, calming him down

“She... She was lying?” Alya asked herself “She was working with Hawkmoth...”

Marinette sighed, got up from her seat, and walked down the stairs, then walked over to Alya. The bespectacled girl looked to her former friend, hoping she’ll say it wasn’t her fault, and that she didn’t know, but instead, all the bluenette said was

“I FUCKING TOLD YOU THAT FROM THE START!” She yelled, making Alya flinch and look down in shame “But, nooo! I’m a jealous bitch! Well how are you any better?! You abused Nino, attacked Aurore, and spread lies about people I know!”

“But-“

“Save it. You hurt my friend. I don’t ever want to see your face again!” She feels Adrien take her hand in his. She sends him a smile, then heads back to her desk

Alya looks to Nino, hoping he’ll forgive her and see that she was wrong for listening to Lila “Babe, please help me! I didn’t know! I’m sorry!”

Nino just looks her dead in the eye and frowns “Why would I help you?”

—

Alya and Lila’s trials took place a few weeks later. Along with defamation, Lila had also been sued for bullying, sexual harassment, aiding a terrorist, destruction of property, and forging signatures. Nino, Marinette, and Adrien testified against them and showed no mercy. Lila tried to lie her way out once again, but the judge, a no-nonsense woman, was having none of it. They were found guilty of their actions. Alya received twenty years in prison with no bail. Lila received thirty-five, also with no bail.

As for Nino, he was getting better. His bruises healed after a few months, and his friends were there for him. A year passed and Nino found a new girlfriend, Alisha. An American girl who enjoyed painting, and musicals. When she heard about Nino’s previous relationship, she smothered him with hugs and words of comfort.

Marinette got her apologies from the class, and she accepted them. However, it would be a while before she could truly forgive them. They didn’t blame her.

Taglist:

@heaven428 @aestheticnpoetic @marinetteagrestelove @fleur-de-jasmin-fdj @wannajointhecrabcult @starpony999 @its-salty-bug @saltymiraculer

[obeyme-headcanons]

Now this is something I really want to do in the game. And I'm so dissapointed that we cant. So....I've written it down!! :)

What if MC helped clear ALL of Mammon's debts??

A/N: Much fluff, a G/N MC, and possible TWs.

TW: Much fluff, blood, some cursing, mean witches 😡, some bullying, and a wholesome baby Mammon 💛.

Please enjoy!! :) 💛

Mammon comes into your room all bloody and bruised. He staggers a bit before plopping on your bed next to you.

"M-Mammon...are you okay??" You question. You hear a muffled grunt from your left side.

"Mammon? Who did this to you?" You hear silence. Mammon must not want to answer. You think about who could've done this. His brother's are abusive, but only mentally. No lesser demon would dare mess with the second-born. Hmm. Wait, wasn't Mammon summoned by the witches earlier? It must have been them. They're always attacking him in some way,

"Mammon? Did the witches do this to you," you ask. "Please tell me the truth." The second you finish, Mammon lifts his head to you, and you see tears running down his face. From his reaction, it's safe to say the witches did it.

"Why would the witches do this?"

"It because of my DAMN debt!! I don't know what I did to them...*sniff* I never even met them before they came up and told me I owed them!!"

Poor Mammoney. He didn't deserve this. Every day, he either came back with nothing, bruised and bloodied or so emotional. Mammon kept talking about the witches, and what they'd do to him. He was spiling his heart out.

"And one time...OH!! I can't forget about...then they said..." Mammon kept going. Eventually, he stopped talking, realizing what he'd just said. You getting more furious, you kept thinking if a plan to get Mammoney out of debt. Getting more furious at the witches with each of Mammon's words, you can't think of anything. So you decide to try and make him feel better at least,

You fix Mammon up, get him emotionally stable and watch his favorite movie. He rests his head on your shoulder, and you die inside. How the hell is he so cute?! You slowly take out your D.D.D, set the brightness all the way down, and snap a few pictures. You head over to devilgram, of course stopping by your settings to update your wallpaper, and scroll around. You find a certain demon's page, supposedly the owner of ristorante six, and scroll.

You see a post of the demon stating that they need more workers. The pay seemed pretty good! 10 hours a day for 10k Grimm! Sure, it'd be hard. And painful and annoying. But you already had quite bit of Grimm saved up. About 666k (😈) to be exact. And you'd do anything to see him smile. So you DM the demon and ask for an interview. They accepted and wanted to see you the next day after 2. You smiled and sighed, praying to Lord Diavolo you could get the job.

"Hey, human. Where are ya going?" Of course Mammon had to barge in. Not that you hated it, now just wasn't a good time. All dressed up, you glance around nervously.

"Ahh, I'm just...going..." You couldn't find the words. You had to make up an excuse for this man. "Ahhuumm..."

"Jeez human. Just say you're going out! It's not that hard, ya know?" He sighed. With his hands on his hips, he pauses, and walks out. You're confused, but understand when he comes back with your backpack.

"H-Here you go. Sorry I took it. I was looking for Goldie-"

"It's okay Mammon." You walk over, kiss him on the cheek and walk out the door. His face turns red and he's very glad you walked out. After he's calmed down, he knows something is up. Everytime you go out together, you never dress up. Are you going to see someone? Do you not like him?? His thoughts spiral until he convinces himself that even if you did find someone, at least they made you happy. Not like a scummy, stupid brother would be able to do the job. But hey, he could hope. Right?

"So that's why you want this job..." and you nod. You see them ponder for a moment. "Okay. You're hired!!" You jump. It was unexpected and surprisingly very easy. You thank them over and over again and ask them when you can start.

"Right now if you're up for it! We're short on staff today, so I'm paying whoever works a little more today." You eagerly nod, and you're shown to the staff room. You put on your apron, and get to work. At the end of the day, you get 2k more than you should have. And including the tips you form in total you got 15k Grimm. Not bad for a first day! Exhausted, sweaty and hungry, you walk home with a coworker and head inside.

It's a good thing no one was awake. You make it to your bed and melt. To help pay off his debts and give him a little extra money, you're going to have to work-overtime. Meaning you can't hang out with the brothers anymore. Especially Mammon.

"Sorry Mammon..." You whisper, before falling into sleep.

It's been 5 months since you've started working. Luckily, Mammon had also been trying to pay off his debts. Which has helped you alot, but now you have enough money to help pay Mammon's debts off. But you're tired, and he can wait until morning, right? You slowly walk home and luckily no demons come to pick on you. You thank Lord Diavolo. You slowly open the door so it won't creak.

Luckily no one is awake. Except for Lucifer and Beel. You practically zombie walked into your room because you were so tired. Your about to open your door, but you hear a small sob. You stop in your tracks and listen.

"T-They don't love me. Why would they? I'm just a s-scummy second-born..." it sounded like Mammon. And by what they said, it confirmed your beliefs. And you're pretty sure he was taling about you. You open your door and walk in. Mammon looks up at you in surprise.

"Y-You weren't supposed to be back for another hour." He says while sloppily wiping off his tears.

"Well, they let me go early," You respond. You need to tell him. "Mammon..I have something really good to tell you. I-"

"Save it human. I already know, I don't want any details."

"You do? Mammon, isn't it wondererful?! Now you won't be bullied by your brother's or the witches!"

"If anything, they'll bully me more..."

"W-Why would they continue...?"

"Because they know I love you," he slams his head onto a pillow that oddly looks a lot like you. " And now you're going out with someone. I don't want any details. But...do they treat ya well?" His head pops back up, and you can see the tears in his eyes. His question hurt. Why would he think that?

"Going out with someone? Why would you think th-" you finally connect it all together. Leaving at 2 to get home at 12, if not later. Always dressing up and giving Mammon less and less time and attention to Mammon. It doesn't help that this has been going on for 5 months. And now that you got your last paycheck, you thanked them, quit and wished them well. You were free of that hell.

"Mammon, I'm not seeing anyone." You walk closer to him and rest you're hand on his cheek, and he blushes a little.

"Then why were you gone so much?"

"Silly demon. I was helping you pay off your debts!"

"You what...?" You could see the confusion in his eyes. But you also saw a glimmer of hope.

"That's right. I was gone for 5 months to help you pay of your debts to your brother's and the witches! And...I may have put a little money of Goldie."

"B-But why?" He realized there was no reason to lie about this. His eyes lit up and he perked up. But he was still so very confused.

"Because, I see what they do to you. And you just take it, like a man." He blushes at the word 'man', but gladly takes your compliment. You climb onto your bed, make room for him and pat the side next to you.

"Now come on Mammon. I'm tired, and I need snuggles." He blushes but gladly climbs in. He wraps his body around yours, pretty much pretty much protecting you from anything to come.

"Goodnight Mammon..." You whisper, before falling into the best sleep you've ever had.

The next day, Mammon is more than ready to pay off his debts. He pays off the witches and each of his brothers. You loved the look he had on his face. The witches could no longer attack him and his brother's could no longer verbally abuse his either. At the end of the day, he was excited to find out he had 500k Grimm on his card. He thanked you and pulled you into the biggest hug ever.

"Thank you MC...I feel more safe than I have been in decades." The comment made you sad, but made you smile. No one could hurt him, because you'd be there to protect him.

"I love you Mammoney...💛💛"

"I love you MC..." And you share a tender kiss.

The end~!!

Did you enjoy it? Give me more ideas please! My brain is too smol. Bye my little Grimm!!

💖 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤

[cherryyharryy]

Harry’s been acting strange lately, so you go to the set of his new movie to find out what’s going on.

From this & this requests.

WC: 1.4

***

You could tell by the last text he sent that things weren’t great, or as Harry so eloquently put it, bloody amazing.

And in the last phone call, he sounded a little too chipper. Voice a bit more fluttery and light than his usual drowsy tone. 

He’s lying.

You’ve suspected it for the past few weeks, but didn’t want to push him into talking about something that he was clearly avoiding. But as the days went by, and his texts became more and more optimistic, you knew something was up.

What really tipped you off, was the lack of invite to the set. Harry bent over backwards to get you into every rehearsal and show that you could attend. You were no stranger to the studio, and made yourself at home in more than one producer’s house on a couple of late night sessions. You even sat off to the side during a few radio interviews. It was rare if you weren’t by his side. But his lips have been sealed about his new movie.

It’s possible you’re invading territory you really shouldn’t be stepping foot in, but you called his mom last night and she’s been worried too, having picked up on her son’s unusual flighty voice as of late. She encouraged you to confront him; the soft sugarcoating game the both of you had been trying with Harry only allowed him to think he was getting away with his fibs. 

The gravel beneath your car crunched louder than you would have liked. Not that you were planning on sneaking around an entire movie set in search of your boyfriend, but you hadn’t intended on alerting everyone of your arrival either, which is exactly what you’ve done. As you step out, about a dozen pairs of eyes follow the endless walk you make towards the open set. None of them are Harry’s. 

Feeling self conscious as no one even asks your name once you reach the bustling center, you gratefully spot the bright pink hair of one of the actresses, Jill. You’ve met before during a group date not too long ago. 

“Y/n! Hi! How are you?”

“It’s nice to see you again! I uh, just thought I’d stop by to see Harry. He around?”

“Mhm,” Jill squints and does a full rotation, shrugging when she doesn’t spot him. “Oh, I bet he’s in his trailer.” She points over your shoulder. “His is like the third row, I think.”

“Thanks!”

You feel a little relief to be away from all the unknown faces, and even more so when you catch Harry’s name on the first trailer in the third row.

He swings the door open after just one knock, surprise written all over his face for a bit longer than you would have liked.

“Y/N? Baby, what’re you doing here? Everything alright?” 

He widens the door and you step inside, biting your tongue to keep the quip you want to dish out at bay. He’s not happy to see you in the least.

“Just haven’t seen you in a while.”

“We saw each other last week?”

Says the man who clings to me when I’m trying to get out the door for work. “Thought it’d be nice. We can go out for lunch.”

He toes at the ground, and you can practically see the gears turning in his head. “We usually have somethin’ here.” 

“Soo, you’re turning me down?”

“No, no, f’course not.”

“Cause it sounds like you are.”

You sit on a small leather couch, assuming he’ll join you without a gesture, but you have to pat the space beside you before he moves from his spot at the door. You get a good look now; purple bags tucked under his eyes and skin so dry it looks painful. Your irritation crumbles. When you take his hand in yours he squeezes so hard you have to bite down on your cheek. 

“Harry,” you reach up with your free hand and thread your fingers through his hair, attempting to gently anchor his head back so he’ll look at you. “What’s goin’ on?”

“Nothing—”

“Don’t give me that.”

He sucks in a shaky breath, looking everywhere but at you, the first sign of tears to come. “I’m shit.”

“What?”

“I suck. I can’t do this. This movie.” He shakes his head, suddenly amped up and frantic. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

You don’t know what to say, certainly not expecting that confession. Your jaw lowers, but your brain doesn’t offer anything up. 

“It’s too...demanding. Emotionally. I can’t pull it off. I have to do over ten takes for each of my scenes. I’m driving everyone crazy.”

“Harry, if they really had a problem they’d say something. I’m sure it’s not as bad as it seems.”

“I’ve heard them, y/n.” He snaps at you with this one, the tears spilling right after. “Some of the sound guys are making bets at how many takes I need.”

What can you say? No amount of positive affirmations can fix this. And part of the progression of this downward spiral he’s in, is due to the typical Harry tactic of bottling everything up until he explodes. All his emotions shoot out of the gate, and now you’re desperate to try and stop a race horse.

“Harry,” You’re stern with his name, wiping his tears and grabbing his hands, “You’re in a funk. And you’re gonna stay there as long as you let yourself.”

“I—”

“Uh uh, just listen. You’re not gonna wake up one day and just snap out of this. It’s been building up, little by little, weighing you down. And look, look how it’s seeped into all the other parts of your life. You’re exhausted, you’re too embarrassed to even talk about it. I know you’re not eating, and the only reason you’re even showering is because you have to for the movie.”

He bites his lip, perplexed for only a moment at how you can read him.

“If you’re struggling, you need to tell someone. Ask for advice, ask to watch your scenes back so you can see where to improve, ask for help, Harry.” You sit back a little, grateful the tears have subsided, assessing the new look on his face. “You’re still very new to acting. And I think doing so well and gaining that confidence so rapidly with your other movies kinda screwed up nature’s path.” 

He’s soaking up every one of your words, nodding along now.

“You’re supposed to screw up first, and then become a heartthrob.”

He chuckles, and you realize it’s not just the first time since you arrived, but the first time in a while. In weeks.

“I don’t want you to be right,” he straightens up, swiping his tongue over his lips, “but I guess you are, aren’t you?”

You shrug, pleased with the smile teetering on the corner of his mouth. “Won’t argue with you, if that’s what you’re sayin’.”

“Thank you.” He leans over and presses a kiss to your forehead.

“Can I have a real one too?”

He rolls his eyes and plants a dramatic and wet kiss to your lips. You feel him relax into you, his mouth switching all gears to on.

“Whoa,” you laugh, pulling away from his lips. “Won’t be doing you any favors if we fuck in your trailer. Don’t wanna think about the kinda bets they’d make about that.”

He hums, tucking your hair behind your ear. “I mean it, thank you.”

“I love you. I want you to be okay.”

“I am.” He sighs, lips twitching. “I’ll talk to the director tomorrow.”

You raise your brows, not satisfied. “Today’s good too.”

“Alright, alright. Today.”

“Good.” You peck his lips. “I’ll let your mom know too.”

“My mum?”

“Oh...yeah. Coming to set was her idea.”

“Oh really?”

“Hey, you put on quite a show for the both of us. It was the last resort.”

Harry grunted, not surprised the two of you connived a plan together. “I’ll let it slide.”

You snicker, “you don’t have a choice.”

He pulls you closer towards him, circling his arms around your back, pressing a kiss to your head so soft it burns. “Thank you for coming.”

“Mmm. I hope you feel better. Soon.”

“I will,” he rests his cheek atop your head, holding you closer so you’re in his lap. “And for the record, I’ve missed you.” He lifts your head up, finger gently pressed under your chin. “Let’s go to lunch.”

[danpuff-ao3]

2021

This year was not the best for me, but it will be ending on a very good note!

[read on for some self-contratulatory rambling]

For a lot of the year I was very miserable. I struggled so much with my anxiety and faced a lot of my fears. So I want to take a moment to celebrate my wins of the year! I'm very proud of my accomplishments, especially considering so many of them were achieved in spite of poor mental health.

> Interacted with people more/DMed people more: When I say I have anxiety, I mean I have Anxiety (with a capital A, yes.) Talking to people is very scary and I'm forever worrying that I'm bothering people or that I'm being weird or blah blah blah. But I worked really hard to meet new people and talk to people more and even -gasp- messaging people!

> Went on a podcast (multiple times): I agreed to a podcast interview with Snape Chat, then continued joining on the podcast to chat about my man Snape! Which, as stated above, big move for a gal with big ole fears!

> Joined new servers/met new people: Now I'm in way too many Discord servers, probably, but it's fun seeing different spaces and meeting different people and learning about different parts of fandom! I'm pretty used to staying in my own little corner of the fandom, so it's been huge to explore more!

> Reached out to someone about a cool opportunity: I don't wanna say too much, but there was a cool opportunity and I swallowed my fear and inquired about it! The person agreed, and so a very cool thing should be happening next year!

> Got out of a bad situation: Probably my biggest win of the year! I felt very stuck and very miserable in a situation and I left it. It was very hard to do and very scary, because I don't let go of things easily, but I got away and I feel all the better for it! I deserve to be okay. I deserve to be happy. And now I am!

> Kudosed/commented more: I went from never commenting to leaving huge essay-length comments on fics. Oops. Longer comments are very emotionally exhausting, but I felt pressured to leave either giant comments or none at all. I've gotten better about it. Just because I don't have a lot to say, doesn't mean I didn't love or enjoy something. And I still want to support people and give love, even if my own personal standards are a bit skewed! I've improved here a lot, and hope to improve more next year! (Also does not help that I do most of my reading on my Kindle and have to remember to go hunt the story back down to leave love!)

> (Side note, commenting is kind of scary because I worry about sounding silly or being too excited and weirding people out. But I figure most creators love getting love, even if it's from an overexcited fangirl.)

> Lots of writing! 23 fics written and posted this year. 3 others that are ready to go for fests next year. And plenty of other words I can hopefully spruce up and post for 2022!

> Won NaNoWriMo: kinda related to above, but I kicked NaNo's behind! Goal of 50k. Finished at 70k+!!!!

> Gifted Fics: this might sound silly, but c'mon...It's scary putting your work out for the world to see! Let alone handing it to a specific person and hoping they don't hate it!

> Fic Recs: I started recommending fics here! Why is this a win? Well, like all things on this list: Anxiety. But! I love reading fic. I read a lot of it -- like. A lot. And I care so much about this fandom and the stories out there, and I just wanna share that, dang it!

> And plenty of IRL wins, too: setting boundaries at work, taking more time off work, starting therapy, asked for help when I needed it, and more! Many little, special wins this year.

> And most of all, I'm ending this year happy. I am working really hard to take time to take care of myself. I deserve to give myself the same love I give to everyone else. And all of the love and kindness people have shown me lately, I deserve that, too. I am also really grateful for it. So thank you to everyone who has made this year better! Thank you to the people who have been part of my journey. And all of the people here to see me through the next part of it. 💛

[waitimcomingtoo]

Darling

Pairing: Tom Holland x Singer!Reader

Synopsis: Your new song may expose your relationship with Tom before you’re ready

Masterlist

“We have to talk about Darling.”

“Your new single, Darling, just dropped. Let’s talk about it.”

“Okay, I’ve been dying to know more about Darling since it came out. Tell us everything.”

“And you just had a single come out! What can you tell us about Darling?”

Your new song was on everyone’s lips after dropping, and became all interviewers wanted to talk about. Your responses were carefully crafted and practiced as to not give too much information away. After being asked the same questions day after day, your responses became a little repetitive and rehearsed.

“I’m really excited about this song. It’s the first song I’ve written entirely by myself so it means a lot to me. It’s about being in love for the first time and all the wonders that come with it. I wanted to immortalize that feeling with this song. I’m really appreciative of the response I’ve gotten to it.” You’d say sincerely with a warm smile. It always pleased the reporters. 

“Being in love for the first time? Can we have a name?”

“Is there a special someone in your life who inspired the song?”

“That’s beautiful! Who’s it about?”

“Oooo. Please tell me more. Who did you write it for?”

It was common, expected even, to be asked about your love life. You knew the questions were coming and came prepared.

“There’s always a someone.” You’d blush. “I’ve been seeing a boy for over two years now. He’s taught me everything I know about love. I’ve dated before but being with him is the first time I’ve really been utterly and truly in love with someone. This song is my love letter to him. And “darling” is his nickname for me, so it fits.” You’d tell them.

The interviewers and reporters would gush and beam and sigh in content. But of course, you couldn’t avoid the the inevitable.

“Is that someone Tom Holland? He’s been known to call you “darling” as a nickname.”

“I have to ask since the whole internet is wondering, is the song really about Tom Holland?”

“I’m sure you’ve seen the rumors that this song is about your good friend, Tom Holland. Lyrics like, “We had a sweet start, that whole friends to lovers. Now his mom calls me “baby” and I’m close with all his brothers.” made fans speculate that you two are finally more than friends. Is that true?”

“Fans were quick to notice that your lyrics, “If he asked, I’d follow him wherever he went. He won me over with those brown eyes and that sultry little accent.” ,could be alluding to Tom, since he is brown eyed and has an accent.”

Rumors about you and Tom being more than friends started circling when you first met, and stopped being rumors almost three years ago. You and Tom had both agreed to keep the relationship a secret, but that didn’t stop you from writing songs about him. Darling might have been too obviously about Tom, you feared.

“No, it’s not about Tom. Toms a good friend, but that’s the extent of our relationship.” You’d lie through a smile.

Some interviewers accepted it. Some were disappointed, others satisfied. Others, of course, were still skeptical.

You walked into your home that day, exhausted from your long day of interviews. You dropped you bag on the couch and stretched a little.

“Darling? Is that you?” Tom called from the kitchen. You waltzed over time where he was and smiled at the sight of your boyfriend. He was cooking pasta, the one thing he knew how to make, and had your pink apron tied around his waist.

“Hi, baby.” You wrapped your arms around his waist and sighed against his back. You felt his relax under your touch as he measured out the pasta.

“Hello, darling. How was your day?” He asked as he picked up your wrist and pressed a kiss to it.

“Really good, actually. I got to talk about you all day.” You told him as you placed a kiss between his shoulder blades.

“Really?” He asked as he tossed some chopped up peppers in a pan.

“Yeah, minus saying your name, obviously. Everyone wanted to know what my song was about and I couldn’t help but gush over you. I denied us being together though, so no one knows I meant you.” You said as you took the peppers out of the pan and chopped them into smaller pieces.

“You denied us?” Tom swallowed thickly and didn’t meet your eyes.

“Well, yeah. I thought that’s what we wanted? We agreed we were gonna keep us a secret until we were ready.” You said, trying to see if he was angry or not.

“I know.” Tom nodded in poorly concealed disappointment. “I just thought this song meant you were ready.”

“If the world knew about us, they’d ask a million questions and poke and pry at everything we did. I like that we’re the only ones who know. I thought you felt that way too.” You said quietly.

“I do.” Tom said quickly. “Or, I did. I just can’t help but feeling upset whenever you call me your “friend” in an interview or deny us being together. I waited a long time to be with you. I can’t held but feeling disheartened when I see you pretend we’re nothing more than friends. I wish I didn’t feel that way, but I do, darling. I’m sorry.” Tom looked at you apologetically and you sighed. You reached out to touch his cheek and he lightly kissed your palm.

“You don’t have to be sorry.” You told him as you rubbed his back.

“When do I get to hear the song? I want to know what all the buzz is about.” He decided to change the subject.

“I want you to hear it for the first time when we film the music video.” You explained. “You can stand behind the camera and it’ll be like I’m singing it just to you.”

“When are you shooting?” He asked.

“Friday.” You answered.

“I’ll be there.” He smiled, but you could still see the sadness in his eyes.

Friday came quickly and you stood on set in a floor length gown with your hair in loose curls, ready to film your music video.

“The pink dress was a good call. The red wasn’t working with the background.” Your manager nodded as he examined your outfit.

“I think so too. Are we ready to get started?” You asked as someone from behind you touched up your hair.

“Ready when you are. Just one last thing, I’d like you to meet your co-star.” Your manger ushered Tom in front of you, dressed in much nicer clothes than he arrived in. His pale pink shirt under his brown leather jacket matched your dress and you smiled.

“Tommy? You’re gonna be in the video?” You asked happily.

“Your management team just asked me two seconds ago. They said something about it being good for publicity since all the rumors are going around.” Tom shrugged a little sadly. You knew he didn’t want to be in the video for publicity. He wanted to be in it because you wanted him to be in it.

“Okay. You can stand over here with me.” You lead him to the microphone stand and wrapped your fingers around the mic. Tom stood behind you awkwardly and you noticed his discomfort. You took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as the music started.

“Action!” The director called. Your song began to play and the dancers behind you spun and twirled around. Tom got more comfortable as the song went on and began to loosen up.

“I’ve caught the love bug for a boy from Great Britain. He may be radioactive but I’m the one who was bitten.” You looked into his eyes as he heard the song for the first time. A shy smile dawned Toms face as a blush painted his cheeks.

“He’s short and sweet, like my favorite poem. I looked in his eyes and I found my way home.” You sang along and Tom twirled you around. He pressed himself against your back and gently swayed to the music.

“When I wake up in the morning, he’s the first one I pray for. Don’t you know? He’s my hero, the only man I adore.” You wrapped the arm that wasn’t holding the microphone around his neck and held him close. The band played the musical break as red and pink rose petals fell from the ceiling. You and Tom began to slow dance as the music swelled, and he laughed lightly when rose petals got caught in your hair. He brushed one out of your hair and cupped you chin. You closed the space between you and kissed him passionately before singing the final verse. He kept his head in the crook of your neck as you sang.

“I swear on my life, you won’t meet a boy more charming. He’ll always be my baby, and I’ll always be his darling.” You finished. The director yelled “cut” and the dancers dispersed. Tom turned to you and laced his fingers through yours.

“I loved the song, darling. You never fail to amaze me with what you can do. Thank you so much.” Tom said sincerely with misty eyes, your song moved him emotionally.

“I should be thanking you. You’re the one who inspired it.” You shrugged and Tom pulled you closer.

“Are you sure about the kiss being in the video? Are you ready for the world to know?” Tom asked timidly.

“I’m in love with the sweetest, kindest, most talented man alive. It’s about time the world found out.” You smiled proudly as his eyes lit up.

“I love you too, darling.” He grinned.

Tag List 🏷

@maybemona​ @sunrise-shawn​  @foreverxholland​ @writing-for-hours-on-end​ @lavender-writer​ @captainmandeestudent17​ @whatareyouhidingpeter​ @takenbyheartstrings​ @ultrunning​ @imyourliquor-youremypoison​ @theolwebshooter​ @autumnlyholland @andreasworlsboring101​ @guksmyfav​ @waiting-to-be-myself​ @letsloveimagines​ @ho-ho-holland​ @peterparkoure​ @a-villain-vying-for-attention​ @m19friend @justcallmehitgirl​ @iamanerdot @averyfosterthoughts​ @jackiehollanderr​ @tiny-friggin-human​ @celestial-skylines​

[kim-ruzek]

I loved all the Burzek we got but I am worried about what’s going to happen in future episodes. Marina’s interview saying someone else should come along to make them realize what they’re missing doesn’t bother me as much as her saying that they have is going to crumble their relationship as they know it. She said “There are going to be tests with the adoption coming up, so far they have been building and I think something might crumble pretty soon” Like what?! It really stinks that they finally got to a good place for it to just crumble! I’m so disappointed with what’s going to happen. They’ve been through so much and I’m tired of the writers screwing the Burzek fandom again and again! I’m not even looking forward to future episodes at this point. I feel like I should just end it like this with them happy and a family and having a home together.

This took me a few days to answer because-- I'm gonna be honest here-- this ask really depressed me. No fault of yours, just where my mind is at recently it just really deflated me.

Last week's episode just made me feel so happy and confident about the direction Burzek is going in, which is really good because it made me realise I was so close to just giving up. And I've got a new way of coping with the ups and downs I've been experiencing during this season, emotionally, and so I'm trying not to live in my head too much otherwise I get way too distressed.

But that being said, I've broken this down in my head and I'm here to offer a more positive outlook on things!!

First: With Gwen taking over as showrunner, I think the pattern of the burzek fandom being screwed is going to stop. I'm not so naive to think that it'll be perfect. I think we'll still have a lot of gripes and unhappiness with it, but I do think we're on the up now.

And second: the word she says is something. That something has got to give. That doesn't mean, necessarily, that it'll be their relationship-- or in a negative way. It might be that the something crumbling is their illusion of this undefinedness. That they actually have to set it in concrete.

It could even be a bump in the road, but I think it'll work out. That doesn't mean we can't have that frustration, or feel defeated. But I do truly believe we're heading to the top now.

It's an important thing to remember though that burzek isn't the focus of this show. It's a cop show and they're not even the top main characters. And then there's the fact that fans remember details more than the writers do, we have a more complexed thoughts and so it can feel really frustrating.

The most frustrating thing is that the show lacks continuity and insists on doing these character focused episodes, which means we can go three episodes without burzek. Which is why it feels so hard to be excited, because what we get is good but then we don't get anything more. Which is why I'm approaching it myself a little differently. But once you just think to yourself, okay. I'm not gonna get burzek for a while. That's okay. It gets better to deal with-- especially when the content is getting better.

As for the adoption drama... That's mostly why I couldn't immediately answer this because it's what exhausts me the most. I just get too much in my mind and bitch and complain and be how I was before I got ill. And it's exhausting being like that, especially with no end in sight.

I don't want adoption drama. The place for that was last season. They got their priorities mixed up, they should not drag more things into the adoption. There's only one (1) adoption related drama I'd want and that's not gonna happen bc it's too fanfictiony. (Technically two, but that second one is very cracky). I'll probably say more about my thoughts on this at a later date but just. I do not want adoption drama.

[thewritepages]

The Diary of the Older Collegiate (#TheFreshman Series) (1)

Synopsis : Annabelle Green is somewhat in a situation no thirty year woman would want to find herself in : (Un) Happily divorced, childless and with a job worth peanuts and migraine. The downward spiral of her life doesn't seem to end anytime soon until her sister reminds her of her most cherished dream.

College.

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

MAY 3, 2019

3.30 A.M.

----------------------------------------------------

I hate myself.

No, really. I may have called it once or twice in the past due to mild anger or frustration, but this.

This is real.

I mean, I may be the only person who would:

A) Cry over a failed marriage during an interview

B) Scratch that, cry over a failed marriage in midst of the most IMPORTANT interview in my entire career!

C) Go straight to the pub later to drown my sorrows when I know perfectly well what would happen if I do get drunk.

D) Do what would be obvious to a broken-hearted, career destroyed, thirty year old drunk woman: Leave a string of carefully selected profanities on the voice mail of my beloved ex-husband.

E) Waking up several hours later on the side of god-knows-what street staring in horror at the drunken messages I've sent to everyone in my cell's contact list- which would also include my parents.

And to think of it, I managed it all in little less than 12 hours last night.

I think I'll just dig a burrow in my apartment and never come out of it. Wait a minute...

That's it! I'm never leaving my apartment again. It'll be perfect- I'll take up one of those work-at-home jobs they always advertise on the internet, eat ramen noodles for sustenance and stay protected from the world outside throughout my life.

In fact, I'll tip off my doorman to tell my family that I've left to pursue my inner self and I may never come back again. As many years pass by, my family would mourn over my presumed death while I get a plastic surgery done and change my name to something untraceable like Ronal Wallis.

Oh, jolly good! A brilliant idea. Why didn't I ever think of this before?

MAY 3, 2019.

13.30 P.M.

---------------------------------------------------

Err; maybe the whole change-my-identity-and-live-happily plan didn't exactly work.

Don't get me wrong, it didn't totally blow up or anything. My doorman, Steve did his job perfectly, informing my sister that I have indeed joined Deepak Chopra on a journey to find myself in a tiny village in the Himalayan Valleys. He narrated the story in such a sober tone that even I found myself believing him for a moment.

But Steve and I didn't realize that in order to leave the country, I would actually need my passport- The passport which is still in my ex-husband's apartment along with the rest of the stuff I was going to pick up this week.

Unfortunately, my sister was very much aware of this piece of information.

"Anna, it's been two months. You've got to get your shit together. You cannot stay dep-" I gave my sister a warning glance.

Not the D-word. Definitely not the D-word.

"I'm completely fine."I mumbled, looking down at the dregs of my empty coffee mug.

"No, you're not completely fine Annabelle Green. You've stopped calling, stop visiting all of us. Hell, nowadays you don't even get your ass out of the bed. Now, I know what Luc-"she stopped short, taking in my pained expression.

Another word I do not want to hear – Luc- Lucas.

Lucas .Lucas. Lucas.

"I'm sorry," Kat, my sister, bowed her head down low. "I shouldn't have brought him up."

"Yeah, you shouldn't have." My eyes closed from exhaustion. "Kat, why are you here?"

"Well, last night you-"

"I KNOW. It was a mistake. And I think I sent an explanatory text earlier this morning."

"That won't stop me from checking up on you, Anna. I'm bloody worried about you."

My eyes descend down to her enormous belly. She shouldn't worry about me right now- I'm not the one who is due for two bouncing baby boys in less than two months.

Did I just say bouncing? Oh, Lord.

"How're the boys kickin'?" I pat her belly gently, forcing myself to smile.

Her face instantly relaxes. "Oh, they're kickin', all right," she smiles at me, "Didn't give me a wink of sleep last week."

Well, that makes the two of us.

"I can't wait for little John and Paul to meet their ol' Aunt Anna." At least this was true. The arrival of my twin nephews is the only thing keeping me up for the past couple of months.

"Anna, we have talked about this. I'm not naming the kids after The Beatles."

"Why not? I recommend you have another set of twin boys so we'll have the entire boy band in our family."

"And have four crazy boys running around the household? No thanks. Phil and I would probably die of insanity."

Sigh. Phil and Kat. Their story is the closest you'd ever get to a fairytale- childhood sweethearts; they were two young teenagers wildly in love but were painfully separated to colleges at the opposite ends of the country. When it looked like it was truly over between them, they reconciled during the summer after college. It was literally The Notebook all over again, leaving out all the letter writing and the crazy house building. I don't think Phil is capable of fixing a broken lock, let alone build an entire house.

Suddenly, I felt someone holding my hand tightly. I look up to see Kat's eyes filled with tears. "Annie, come home. Mum and Dad miss you. I miss you. We want to stay with you in these difficult times. A few days away from Seattle will do you good. "She gets up. "Mum, Dad and Phil are waiting for us in the car downstairs. I'll help you pack up."

My heart softens, but I raise my eyebrows in sarcasm. "So, they sent you to emotionally blackmail me, right? Well, it's working, Mommy –in-waiting."

She tweaks my nose playfully. "It always does, baby sis."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N :

Hi there, thank you for taking the time to read my new diary styled new ChickLit series:

"The Diaries of an Older Collegiate"(#TheFreshman).

If this chapter ignited an interest for this series, please let me by reblogging or sending me a message. I'm very new to Tumblr writing so it'll really help me calm my nerves :")

Lastly, I'm tagging a few lovely authors here whose works I've been binge reading and they've really inspired me to put out my work out here. Authors, if you like this chapter, I'd be very grateful if you could share it among your network and let me know :)))))

@go1denjeon, @ladyartemesia,@noteguk,@junghelioseok