#it’s been eons since I did memes on here so why not!

[queenharumiura]

For your game: How about 5986 as pairing? ;3 (Hi, I've been a sucker for them ever since I know khr)

[My KHR ship game] ||Accepting|| @alexandraxsuoh Note: This is me just talking. I'm not even talking about RP. ((Thank you for indulging me btw!))

Readmore bc yuh.

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Hate it | Am Neutral to it | Ship it | love it! |

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Even if it's sort of a lie to say, this was my 'first' KHR ship! Tsuna x Haru doesn't count because the anime lied to me. I was led astray.

I've mentioned it in older meme replies in the past, but the reason why I adore 5986 so much is because I did lil baby cosplays of Haru many eons ago (i'd rather die before posting the pics here) and one of my friends who got me into KHR cosplayed as Gokudera. She happened to like 5986 so I was the Haru to her Gokudera ekekek.

That friend won't see it, so kekek I can admit here that I did have a crush on said friend years ago ahahahahaha

Back on topic.

Aside from the nostalgic appeal, I do really like the ship in general. There are different ways of looking at a character, but this game is just about how I see the character on the basis of if they were to ship with Haru. In essence I’m just having fun, no Gokudera mun attacky me please. Yes yes? Good good.

The appeal of a Gokudera and Haru ship is… I’d say, in the ‘gap moe’ kind of vibe you get. Gokudera and Haru are both intelligent characters, but one of them is not so emotionally intelligent. Admittedly, Haru isn’t very emotionally intelligent either you could argue with the way that she, for the life of her, couldn’t see that Tsuna didn’t like her. HOWEVER, I like to assert that Haru did know. She just wanted to keep trying and hope that her efforts would bear fruit.

I get this from the one character song of hers and it kills me because she be like ‘I’m okay with being a shadow woman’. THE HELL YOU WILL! GO IN THE CORNER!

So, I think that if a 5986 ship was going to happen, it really is Haru realizing things first and Gokudera being late to the party because emotionally dumbass onion over here. Why onion? He’s a dude with a lot of layers, ofc! He’s outwardly a grouch, and has violent tendencies, but we’ve also seen him be able to be polite (ie Tsuna or Reborn). He can be rude to girls, but he’s never actually caused any physical harm to them, that shows a level of restraint.

Secondly, we know that he’s a more logical minded person whereas Haru is more emotionally minded, but she’s still got a logical side to her as well. One thing that I like about Haru is that no matter how much she likes/loves a person, the moment they touch upon a moral bomb, she will be willing to drop them like a sack of potatoes. Here is where the logical side also comes through, where she will not act in a burst of emotions at first. She will at least go and investigate. Did this person actually touch upon the moral bomb? Was there a reason for their actions?

I do like to think that some of this was influenced by the fact that she straight up smacked the hell out of Tsuna (twice, I think?) for him ‘teaching Reborn-chan’ how to play Mafia. Kekek. Turns out it was the opposite. I like to think that from that she’s learned- okay stop reacting so emotionally and investigate.

Gokudera is very logical minded where he just looks at the facts, but he’s also got a strong emotional component to him as well. That’s how he mirrors Haru. She’s emotional but also logical on the downlow. He’s very logical but also very emotionally charged as well. I like that they mirror each other. He is smart, he cares for logistics, he cares for the facts, but even with all that- he is loyal to what he likes. He doesn’t care if Tsuna is a dame-Tsuna. He doesn’t care if his boss isn’t smart- he can be smart for them. It doesn’t matter if Tsuna isn’t very charismatic, or that he isn’t very sociable.

It doesn’t matter to him how the majority may see his boss because HE sees his boss for what he is and what he could be. He has confidence that his boss will pull through. His boss will show the deniers where they are wrong.

In this way, Haru and Gokudera balance each other well. When she starts getting too emotional (ie her dramatics) he can bring her back to reality. He can calm her down with the logics. Being the more emotionally intelligent one, she can notice when he’s overworking himself, trying to do too much on his own, demeaning himself as lesser/unimportant/etc, she can and WILL snap him out of that. She will actively do her best to have him see the opposite.

He IS important, he has a place with the Vongola, he is wanted. She is a very caring person and would look out for him. Make sure that he takes care of himself, or she’ll do it for him. In a way, it’s one of those classic cases of how a guy who hasn’t had many to care for him in his life suddenly has someone who cares. It’s weird at first, foreign and almost scary- but it’s also nice? It’s comforting, he finds. Slowly, comes to realize you know what? I feel something for this person and it is something I haven’t felt before. Time skip and it’s either the guy finally realizes and says something or it’s the girl who is confessing first and the guy is ????????????????

I LOVE THE TROPE, OKAY? I love self-realization but I also love DUMB ASS BOYS WHO DON’T KNOW THEIR OWN HEART AND NEEDED A CONFESSION TO SLAP REALITY INTO THEM. AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh Both are good. Very good. I like.

Haru has a competitive streak to her, and I think the fact that he’s really intelligent is a good drive for her. She’s also a really loyal person, and she’s very dedicated and motivated. So, she likes that Gokudera has the same traits as her. It’s an admirable thing.

Admittedly, she doesn’t like how he bullies Lambo. Doesn’t like how he smokes, but it can be seen in the series that he does bully Lambo less as the series goes on. You can argue that a lot of it is just roughhousing as guys do and just him not knowing how to treat young kids. From the Yamamoto scene in TYL arc where they both fight Gamma, Gokudera is quite open to criticism. He’s open to admitting where he’s wrong. He can understand and then try to fix it. It shows that he’s a progressive person who always aims for self-betterment and that is a quality that Haru would probably notice and like.

It would be something that is the reason why she is so tolerant of him. She can SEE that he is making efforts. He is trying. There are moments where he shows that he can care for others as well. He will protect anyone from the famiglia despite the dangers it poses to himself. It really shows that despite his act, he actually cares a lot more than he lets on. He may be a bit awkward to show it (that’s how Haru would see it, anyways).

From the Haru Haru interview segment, she says that she likes a guy with a dangerous charm, sometimes cool, and it’s like bro. Is that… not like the majority of the KHR cast MINUS Tsuna? AHAHAHAHAHH jk. Tsuna can fit the bill in HDW mode.

Haru also seems to exhibit the desire to be useful or to not be a burden. She likes to be there for others. She likes to help others. Gokudera seems to have the image of being a lone wolf, but it can also be seen when he’s so proactive with Tsuna that he too wants to be helpful. This likely stems from the case of him trying to prove himself as something. He wants to show the world that he could be something. That he has a place. That people want him around.

They are similar in ways, but differ largely in the motives. They’re very similar in many ways despite how they would argue otherwise. It’s the fact that they understand eachother well that Gokudera would probably know that Haru doesn’t want to talk about things in regards to her unrequited feelings for Tsuna. Let her go through all the motions herself. Don’t pity her. Just let nature take the course. I don’t see him as the type to pity her, but perhaps one to watch over her as she’s getting hurt. He would try to be there to support her.

I personally do not think he’d pity her. I, for the purpose of this game, if they were to be a ship, I think he’d feel a level of admiration of sorts to how far she was willing to go. Despite the pain and how hurt her sense of self became, she did her best. She did all that she could to appeal. She didn’t give up. It’s not an easy thing to do. That is why I don’t think he’d pity her. In the way that she’d like it, he’d turn an eye to it but still make comments because he’s just like that lol.

In the secret bullet (I think that’s what they were called) novels, there is one where at the end of it, Haru tells him the truth about the ‘curse’ or whatever and he’s like why did you tell me the truth? You could’ve kept it a secret and she was like well it’s because you’re hurt. Tsuna-san wouldn’t like it if you got hurt any more. Yeah of course it is because of the tenth and then she be like I care about you too AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AND THEN HE WENT FULL TSUNDERE!!!!!! AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT DOES TO ME!!!! He full sent tsundere like omg you idiot. IDiOTTT SHUT UP.

AHH!H!!L!L!HLKDJFLAKJSDf I WILL SMASH MY FOOT THROUGH THE DOOR LET ME BE A FLY ON THE WALL TO HAVE SEEN IT!!!!!!

I swear to GOD if he blushed at all and she saw that? Haru is a tease, I will die on this hill. She has a bit of a troll personality and she does like to be a lil sassy sometimes. I promise you, I SWEAR, she would’ve been like oho? Is he blushing? How cute!

Locked in. YOU ARE GONNA BE TEASED EVERY SO OFTEN. She loves it.

Of course, knowing who Gokudera is, he too has a bit of a competitive spirit. The moment he realizes oh? She’s teasing me to get a reaction out of me? Two can play at that. But!!!!! HARU IS WEAK TO THAT, OKAY? YOU. DON’T. UNDER.STANDDDDDDD1111111!!!!!!!!1!

I swear on my life, the day he teases her back because he got annoyed with it and she blushes??????? GAME OVER. IT’S AN OH- that’s kinda cute. WAIT. Why do I find that cute? Tease her again and she’s just alksdjflaksjdlkfajslf STOP TEASING ME!

LOOK- I’m just saying. I think he’d find it cute. So then it just becomes a game to them almost where they just keep trying to get the other to react and others just see it like bro. You say that you aren’t dating and you aren’t being serious? That’s a lie.

Haru and Gokudera are both strongly opinionated and aren’t afraid to speak their mind. The day anyone has shit to say about the other one, they are about to throw hands. You talking shit? Say hi to my friend, EAT THIS FIST. That’s the energy.

I won’t say power couple because that’s not the vibe, I don’t think, but it certainly is a ‘a couple that I didn’t think would work based off visuals but then I noticed how strong their understanding of eachother was and realized oh… they’re actually kind of perfect for each other.’ vibe. A long title, yes I know.

So ye those are my thoughts. I also said I’d maybe throw in other things that I thought would be cute, eh? Hmmmmmmm

I mean, I will die on the hill that I swear Haru will request the box animals to be let out often so they can also relax and enjoy life. Haru starting off with approaching Gokudera to see Uri as the convenient excuse to spend time with him.

IMAGINE? The day he’s just ‘Uri is a bit tired today you may want to see her another day’ and she just- ‘Oh, that’s a shame. Haru was using Uri was an excuse to spend time with you but… if you aren’t busy, can Haru spend time with you?’ LOOK. I NEED THIS AND I WANT THIS? OKAY?????? OKAY.

Just like how I need to see Haru making Gokudera fold by a lil puppy pout. Like pleaaaseeee can you put on these cat ears that I made? I want to see it. Will you really say no? PLEEAASSEE? And he always caves. I NEED IT. I NEED IT!!!!

I die for the idea that she knows where he works so she sometimes visits him just to see his face and sometimes talk to the owner of the store because she’s a networking bean. Sometimes she can stick around long enough for him to get off work and so they can walk together at night. I will cry if there is the classic jacket over shoulders deal because she looked cold. I WILL DIE!!!!!

I’ve also entertained the idea that sometimes he’d mutter things under his breath and Haru for the longest time thought he was probably complaining or saying something mean. Lambo just one day “Eh? You thought he’s saying mean things about you? He’s always saying how you’re too cute. Sometimes he says that he can’t handle how pretty your smile is’’.

BETTER YET, the alternative is that she did some studying on her own and realizes that he’s complimenting her because he didn’t have the guts to say it to her face and then one day she compliments him back. Watch as the shock dawns on him and then the horror settles in like how much did you understand before you revealed this information? Haru be like: “Oh I don’t know~ Haru doesn’t know anything about how you find her cute or that you like her smile. Haru knows nothing~”

KILL MEEEEEEEE.

Basically, they’re a very fun dynamic where I swear they could tease each other a lot and it’s almost like a game to them. I like it. Okay? Okay.

[hyperbali]

Bear with me, I turned into a Pepe Silvia meme for this.

(I was also proud enough of it that I felt I needed to share it here, lmao)

I am of the opinion that Andraste was a mage - especially given that weird "incident" from her childhood that killed her half-sister and made her see auras and hear voices. Sounds like magic onset to me!

Then there's just how powerful both her ashes and the security put in place in the Temple are; as much as she fought the Tevinter Empire and declared "magic exists to serve man, never to rule over him," I think she meant it in a literal sense - not that it's a bad thing in and of itself, but that it's a tool that should be used for the benefit of the people, not oppress them. If she was a mage and had a contingency of mages in her army, she was trying to practice what she preached.

On reading more about her visions of the Maker in the Chant, and knowing that the Veil was already up by then… I think she might have been seeing one of the Evanuris. If I had to guess which, I might wager Elgar'nan; both he and "the Maker" are heavily tied to aspects of the sun, and Elgar'nan's symbol looks a lot like the Maker's.

Given the circumstances of how and why the Fade was created/the Veil put in place, I can definitely imagine an incredibly pissed off and eager to leave Elgar'nan finally finding someone who can hear and see him in the Fade and convincing her that oh, yes, he was the one who made this place, and he left the world behind when he was displeased with mankind… but if she can convince the people to come together, he'd forgive them and they can bring him back, so he can create a paradise! Wouldn't that be nice?

So… does the Maker exist? Insofar as the Evanuris did/do. Is he a god? Insofar as they were, supposedly.

Was Andraste chosen? As probably the first person Elgar'nan/"the Maker" could finally get to acknowledge him in eons, yeah, he picked her to try and get him (and presumably the rest of the Evanuris) out.

Was the Inquisitor chosen? By circumstance, I suppose. The players all happened to line up at once: Fen'Harel, the one who sealed the Evanuris away, gave the (depowered) means to let them out to one of the magisters who committed the "Second Sin" to the Maker, Corypheus, in hopes that it would provide the power necessary to rip the prison apart.

(Small pet theory that Solas might have been under the impression that a person who managed to break into the prison once before could probably do it again.)

BUT… since you don't have to be a mage, and you don't have to be a race that can usually access the Fade, I don't think the Inquisitor could have been "nudged" to show up by Elgar'nan or the other Evanuris. And since you can be from any number of backgrounds, I think you as a character just kind of happened to be in the right place at the right time to hear Divine Justinia screaming for help.

….But.

If Andraste still exists, in some capacity, it would be as a spirit - and with the draw of such a powerful artifact that probably has Fen'Harel's magic signature all over it, it would be an instant magnet for any of the Evanuris with any kind of pull left. Elgar'nan is likely the most powerful of them; if he has spirits under his control, especially Andraste's, he could have flung her there to go see what the hell happened.

At that point, after you're already stuck, she probably could've helped you get back out. You could be the "Herald of Andraste" as a result of you winding up in the thick of this mess - but you weren't before you got pitched into the Fade. How much religious belief you put into that depends entirely on how high a regard you lend to the power of magic and spirits.

(I do know, as well, that DAI specifically tells you that Justinia helped you out, but it's not Justinia herself who tells you that - it's a fragment of what she was, a spirit in the form of her. Spirit Andraste theory stands.)

tl;dr: Sort of, but only in the intensely complicated way that DA likes to do things!

[tcustodis]

i got tagged by @stillness138 <3<3

1. why did you choose your url?

Eons ago, when i was 13 I had my very first OC, his name was Tobias Custodis. And I used the Custodis part as my nickname and when I was making a yt account Custodis was already taken, so I added T in front, and thought it looked neat. And that’s the story behind a nickname I’ve been using for over a decade.

2. side blogs?

 @tcustodisart - artblog where I post all my art, duh and @dukeofdogs my Thronebreaker/Gwent sideblog.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

I’ve been on this hell site since February 2011

4. do you have a queue tag?

Yes and it’s just a simple #q

5. why did you start your blog?

Because back in the day tumbkjgjgr was the hottest social media site to be on, and all my friends from a mcr forum were here and tunglr was the nest for al the hot memes and mcr news, so I joined. Stayed for idk why reason. All my friends from that period are not even here anymore.

6. why did you choose your icon?

Because Donald Duck is love, Donald Duck is life. And I’m all for Robin Hood aesthetics.

7. why did you choose your header?

Because it’s the most wholesome official Witcher art. It’s wholesome because it doesn’t ignore Thronebreaker’s existence.

8. post with the most notes?

I was about to say the nanana mcr meme I made 10 years ago, but I realized I made the Netflix Witcher dialogues out of context thing and it was popular.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

A lot B)

10. how many followers do you have?

398

11. how many people do you follow?

380

12. ever made a shitpost?

Did I ever

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

A lot. I think tumbro is my most used social media thingie.

14. did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

I don’t think so? I don’t remember if I had any arguments here?

15. How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

I ignore them when they pop up on my dash, don’t like guilt trips, but I appreciate when they’re made for fun and giggles. Like reblog this frog to have more frog in your life. Or something like that.

16. do you like tag games?

Yes.

17. do you like ask games?

I do, but I rarely get any asks. And I feel a little bit anxious to reblog ask games because the thought of people ignoring me is terrifying. But yeah, I do like them.

18. which of your tumblr friends/mutuals do you think is famous?

All of you are famous, I’m only friends with stars *wink*

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Idk, my ability to look at people as a potential romantic interest is kinda messed up.

I am tagging anyone who read this whole thing and thought to themselves “man, I wish I could write all of that too!”

[greatfay]

what kind of bad fandoms you in?

Off the top of my head? Like most of them lol. But for the things I’m currently watching/reading?

HxH. The good parts of the fandom just post fanart and memes, the bad parts post essays on reddit about how “the Chimera Ant Arc is the greatest arc in all of shounen and if you don’t think so then there’s just too much depth for you to fully comprehend, also I’m going to ignore the montage during that arc that demonstrated how capitalist greed, political corruption, police brutality, nuclear warfare, economic inequality, and propaganda demonstrate humanity’s true evil because Hurr Durr Ants Have Feelings and also I’m going to misgender all of the GNC characters introduced this arc did I mention I’m so smart?” that and the Ging apologists who think he’s this chess-master role model father sends me. If I hear someone say the word “subversive” one more time... and why is there so much cisnormative homophobic BS in this fandom? Even when I encounter the good part, I’ll see comments added on attacking the OP or saying shady shit, like what’s going on.

Berserk. I can’t with all the Donavon jokes and potato Casca jokes and, much like with the HxH fandom’s dark side, there’s a very pretentious self-important lot who love to hype out how “layered and dark and subversive” the manga is to inflate their own importance for being Manga Connoisseurs that read it and then they go on to make more child r*pe jokes and also defend every creative decision Miura makes. Like... I’m not “unable to fully appreciate and understand the tone and message that the Genius Miura is trying to invoke,” I quite understand, I’m just not a pervert fuckface who gets off on r*pe scenes. And I’m not alone, but since there are like maybe 10 other dudes in this fandom without brain rot and it’s a Hostile Fandom Space for women, and also queer dudes, and also people of color, it’s hard to get a good consensus.

AOT. There are people who have written the series off due to the author’s Imperialist Japan viewpoint and latched on to the conspiracy that he’s a holocaust denier and vilified Jewish stand-ins in his work; these people have, strangely enough, remained in the fandom to then remind everyone of this and repeatedly share that polygon article that has so much reaching you’d think Reed Richards had written it. The author of AOT is a brainwashed nationalist idiot, and it just so happens that he, whether he realizes it or not, has written his main cast (the heroes, the protagonists) to be analogues of the real-world Jewish people (specifically Ashkenazi Jews) combatting oppression and the deliberate annihilation of their people. I don’t think he did this on purpose, especially if he is indeed anti-Semitic, but that’s how it turned out, and stranger still is how he’s explored over the course of (idk the arcs I’m going by the anime) 2+ seasons how the State can lie and manipulate its people to increase nationalism and military power—the opposite of what some have claimed his manga is about (promoting imperialism and glorifying isolationist views and making the military and police seem cool). Despite writing this kind of story, he seems unable to question his own political views in the real world. Which isn’t my problem. Still, it’s complicated, we don’t have full answers, all we have is a very well-paced, well-written, mature manga with great plot twists and a masterclass of suspense and mystery, and now even reblogging an AOT gif can get you blacklisted.

Kingdom Hearts. This fandom is 90% chill people who want to cry and love it, they hear the first two notes of Dearly Beloved and already they’re like “fuck... emotions... I haven’t felt these in eons” and for that they’re valid. Great fanart, everything gif’d to hell and back (when I tell you for 15 years this fandom gif’d every possible frame out of just 12 collective minutes of the Good Graphics during the beginning and ending cinematic scenes). The bad part of the fandom is annoyingly homophobic and use shipper strawmen to spout out bigoted nonsense, and there’s another part of the fandom consisting of (some, not all) speed-runners who think the games should be designed with their play style in mind, fuck everyone else. I only encounter this bad 10% when watching Let’s Plays; even the Kingdom Hearts subreddit is a nice place and gets gay af sometimes, and everyone rolls with it.

Star Wars. The most recent SW stuff has not been consistently... good, but I enjoy Star Wars just for the feel of Star Wars. There are people who hate everything SW that’s come out recently and make their voices known but are still IN THE FANDOM. They’re still here, hating EVERYTHING. It’s just so disruptive to the normal fun fandom stuff because they’re everywhere, like if you’re not having fun you can leave. Go rant about the Wimminfolk and Blacks are Ruining Everything and whatever violent, disgusting thing you want to do to Kathleen Kennedy that definitely is an isolated feeling and not at all how you feel about women in general. Like parts of the SW fandom is the opposite of Berserk and HxH; with those, I’ve been critical of things while still enjoying the media, but any critical statement gets nitpicked and the vultures come. SW? It’s the overly hypercritical “ess jay dubba u” shit that drives me up the wall. Every flaw in the new SW stuff can be pointed to screenplay issues and contradictions but, gee, it must be cuz a Wimmin is in it. Fucking whatever.

[the-bounce-back]

BEING ‘SINGLE SINGLE’ - LESSONS LEARNED FROM FOCUSING ON MYSELF

Well, hey there. It’s been a while.

As I’m sure you all will appreciate and understand, March was an extremely hot mess in many ways, but mainly due to how COVID-19 showed up and started ruining everyone’s lives, and my motivation to write has been very limited due to stress and anxiety over how the situation is unfolding (please stay safe and at home!). However, I have finally somewhat adjusted to the situation and started to feel kind of normal again, so… I’m back like I never left. We love to see it.

I should point out that this post has been on my mind since, like, late December, and I started writing it in the middle of February after I finished the Confidence Chronicles. As the effects of Miss Rona started to become even more prominent in our everyday lives, I wanted to rewrite some of the parts so it would become more relevant to what is currently going on before publishing it… so without further ado, let’s get into it.

If you’re in my age group, I’m sure you will understand and agree that there are different ‘categories’ of being single, and all these levels are immensely different if you get political and look at the specific details of them. For the purpose of clarity and to illustrate, I (personally) would dub these categories as such:

*Single and MiNgLiNg: You’re not tied down to anyone. You’re talking to, seeing and doing whatever you want, with whoever you want, whenever you want. You’re living your best, unbothered life. Feelings are/have become an alien concept to you. I respect it. Gwarn with your bad self.

*Single (but not really): You’re technically single, but there’s someone (or someones, if you’re so inclined) that you’re into and that you’re secretly hoping things will work out with so that you can leave this ghetto that we call the gAmE. I’d say that this is the category where most situationships reside in, before eventually dying out or graduating to an actual relationship. I hate this category, because it is literally the worst: everyone has different opinions on what can and can’t run, and from what I’ve seen it usually just ends up in someone getting hurt.

*Single-ish: kind of like the previous category, but the main difference is that although there might be someone you want things to work out with, you’re grudgingly talking to other people as well in case things go sour. Either to protect your own feelings or out of sheer boredom because the person you want isn’t stepping up in the way you want them to. You probably even try to convince yourself that these other people are better options than the one(s) you actually want, but deep down you know you’re lying to yourself. Sigh. A mess.

And finally, the namesake of this post:

*Single single (aka ‘Single and not looking’): You’ve completely distanced yourself from trying to get to know someone, for whatever reason. You have no interest in changing this anytime soon. Your phone is drier than your hands during this epidemic (cream your hands after washing them… please). 

Up until very recently, I have considered myself single single. This came to pass after things not working out with the person that I wanted, after floating between the single (but not really) and single-ish categories for what felt like eons. I’m not even going to lie, it hurt - but I’m glad it happened. If it hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have been able to write this post and share what I’ve learnt from taking a step back and choosing to focus on myself, and I definitely wouldn’t have elevated to this completely new level of confidence the way I have.

The choice to cut all romantic/physical ties off for a while came when I was overanalysing the situation for the trillionth time. I realised that ever since the age of 16, I have always been involved with someone in some way - whether it’s literally just talking or something more. That’s literally almost a decade of my life that I’ve let boys/men live rent-free in my head… Ew. I know, very embarrassing. As if that embarrassment isn’t enough, I soon realised that there must be a correlation between how low my self-esteem, self-confidence and perception of self-worth used to be and the men I’ve had to deal with in my short life so far. I recognised that the craving for male attention and validation that I thought I had eliminated was, in reality, still very much intact after things ended with the person I wanted. I almost got angry at myself for feeling so empty and worthless after it ended, because I genuinely thought that I was stronger than this. 

It’s all good, though - these past few months that have been spent realigning my focus in life, my personal goals and my own dreams have been so crucial to my growth as an independent woman that doesn’t need a man to feel whole. I had already come very far in this inner work (as you will tell from my previous posts), but having this time being completely alone definitely reinforced the things I already knew, but was struggling to apply to my life. I have learnt so many invaluable things about myself and what I want in a relationship in general, so let's get it.

1. I will - shock horror - not die if I don’t get attention.

This is definitely the first realisation I had after my initial decision to not talk to men anymore. As childish as it sounds, I didn’t realise how weird it would be to go from constantly being gassed by someone whose opinion I cared about a little too much… to literal radio silence.

This is how I know that this decision came at the right time of my life, because I genuinely don’t think I would’ve been able to cope without constant attention and validation a few years ago. Honestly, I was like Tinkerbell - on the verge of perishing every time I didn’t get the energy I believed (and still believe!) I deserved when I was looking nice. It’s very embarrassing and almost comical how much it used to ruin my day if I didn’t get some kind of comment about how pRetTy I am, and I’m so grateful to myself that I got out of that mindset before committing to being alone. If you’ve read my post about how to have a healthy relationship (if not, find it here), you might remember that I talked about how freeing myself from the perception that attention, affection and validation from men being something needed to survive in this life was one of the best realisations I’ve ever had. This is still entirely true, and not being involved with anyone has even made me even more of an advocate for this. 

I feel like I’ve discussed the importance of building your confidence to death during my confidence series, so I’m not going to delve too deep into it here. But if you haven’t read those posts, the most important takeaway is that confidence and a deep belief in your own sauce comes from within, and gradually breaking down your insecurities with positivity, a willingness to think about/confront your demons, taking the time to get to know yourself properly, and giving yourself the love and accolades you know you deserve. At no point whatsoever did I mention the approval of men (or whoever you’re attracted to). With this in mind, I can definitely say that this deep love and appreciation I’ve been feeling for myself lately has 100% stemmed from me truly believing in it, as opposed to partially based in forcing myself to believe it and partially based in expecting validation from whoever I’m dealing with.

Furthermore, I’ve officially gotten to the point where the compliments I give myself have started to slap harder than compliments/attention from men, and it’s made me feel extremely empowered and like I have a newfound appreciation for myself. They mean more for the following reasons:

* They’re largely focused on aspects of my personality, mindset, abilities and intelligence - as opposed to just empty comments on my physical features/body.

*The only ulterior motive I have with giving myself compliments is to improve my mental health and confidence, since I don’t need to get into my own good books first to off my own pant.

Whew. All tea/shade/offence intended!

All jokes aside - regardless of if you’re in a relationship, talking to someone or happily single, I’d definitely recommend asking yourself if you’d still feel the same way about yourself if you didn’t get attention or validation on a regular basis. If the answer is no, then I’d definitely recommend asking yourself why that is (and reading/rereading my Confidence Chronicles series). 

2. I’m really productive when I don’t have any distractions.

I’m not going to lie, I’ve missed smiling and giggling at my phone like a smiling and giggling idiot. I’ve also missed communicating solely with dark memes, as this is one of my love languages. For those reasons, not talking to anyone kind of sucked at times. 

However, much like cutting junk food out of your diet - it gets easier the longer you stick to it, and after some time you’ll realise that you’re probably better off without it. Honestly. The amount of time I’ve freed up from not constantly being on my phone to have pointless giggly conversations about absolutely nothing is actually insane, and before Corona came into the picture, I was extremely productive (not to say that I’m no longer productive… but I may or may not have been doing 48h Netflix binges every few days now that everything is closed). 

I’ve spent more time brainstorming blog ideas. My art has drastically improved. I’ve started to lose the depression weight I put on. My skin has cleared up. I’m currently learning eight new languages. I’m writing a whole BOOK. I’ve taken time to update my career plan. And last but not least - I’ve spent a lot of time healing and looking to the future as opposed to dwelling on the past and things that I am unable to change.

Having time to myself - especially while being in a better frame of mind than other times I’ve found myself alone - has reinforced the knowledge of how much I can accomplish and how good I can feel about myself outside of a relationship. This isn’t news to me, at all. But if I had realised how much of a difference being completely solo dolo would have to my productivity and motivation, I definitely would’ve chosen to cut everyone off ages ago… however, the timing in this case has been impeccable. Committing to be alone after going through over a year of inner work and self-healing has allowed me to both appreciate the confidence and resilience I’ve been rebuilding on a completely new level, as well as be able to take a step back and fully enjoy the peacefulness of not having to constantly have someone to worry/overthink about outside of myself and my own goals/projects.

3. I’m a really f*cking cool person to hang out with.

This realisation came long before I decided to not talk to men, to be honest. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been an ambivert - meaning that as much as I love spending time with friends, I highly value my alone time as well. Regardless of if I’m just Netflixing, writing, drawing or imagining fake scenarios in my head that will never happen (unless, of course, my book becomes a bestseller and I end up on Ellen), I always have a fantastic time being alone. It’s my time to recharge, dissect my thoughts and feelings, and not have to deal with anyone else for a bit.

When I first decided to be completely single, one of my main goals was to commit to being comfortable alone regardless of the situation. I’ve always been comfortable taking myself to see a movie or on a nice café date, but I really wanted to push myself to the next level of iNdEpEnDeNcE. I went to a couple gigs and a couple tourist attractions alone earlier this year when no one could/wanted to go, and I had the best time ever. Honestly, I was living the dream. Those experiences made me start planning the cute little solo holidays I was going to go on and restaurants I wanted to take myself to, and I was getting really excited. But then, of course, Corona came and ruined everything, so my plans have been put on hold indefinitely.

With that being said, I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss going out for cute little dates with someone I’m seeing/in a relationship with. Some of my favourite memories are gigs, day trips and holidays with someone else. But I think once I chose to ignore the social norms in place that dub doing things alone as “weird” - and overcome feeling “weird” as I’ve done things alone - I’ve definitely felt more excited to schedule in quality time with myself. I personally can’t wait for this Rona nonsense to be over so I can resume planning my art/architecture trip.

“But Liv! How did you overcome the feelings of awkwardness and weirdness when you went out? How did you overcome the anxiety that people were looking at/judging you?”

Excellent question. The answer is hard drugs and loads of alcohol.

I’m kidding. I don’t think the anxiety ever fully goes away, since we’ve been so hardwired to see people without a group as an outcast or even a threat. But at some point I just decided to focus on enjoying myself, as opposed to worrying about what the people I’d never see again around me felt.

(Also… alcohol definitely helps. Drink responsibly, kids.)

4. Apparently I have a massive saviour complex?

I think most people that have known me for a long time or at least taken the time to get to know me properly would agree that I am a huge empath. I have always been highly perceptive of other peoples’ feelings, emotions and moods, and I am instinctively inclined to ensure that people feel seen and heard after speaking with me about whatever they needed to vent/get advice about. This, because I’m obviously a huge advocate of normalising talking about mental health struggles, and because I genuinely enjoy sensing that they feel better after confiding in me.

Now, I wouldn’t necessarily say that being an empath is a bad thing - in fact, these traits are some of the things I like the most about myself. But taking a step back from any kind of relationship/situationship has made me suddenly and painfully aware that my high levels of empathy may not be based in a fundamental kindness as I initially thought. In fact, part of it - and I have no idea how large this part is - may be due to a severe saviour complex, and therefore based in an inherent selfishness. 

Yes, I know it’s confusing. Me too, I’m confused. Hear me out. 

Sometimes I get so carried away while writing about all the ways that I’ve healed and bettered myself after my previous relationship… so much that I forget I had issues I was going to counselling for before he ruined everything and the sessions became all about getting over him. I genuinely forget sometimes that I had a life before I even knew he even existed, which just goes to show how large of an impact it had on me. Very sad, I know. 

The stuff I was going to counselling for at the time had me in a very dark place, and looking back at it the breakup was kind of a blessing in disguise for my brain. I definitely think that refocusing my energy to heal from the relationship protected me from having to face certain aspects of myself that I wasn’t ready to deal with at the time.

Fast forward to a couple years later - I consider myself fully healed from the situation. I’ve learnt so much about myself, my mental health, relationships and love in general, and for a good year or so I was meeting new people and starting to think about a potential new relationship. I met some great people (and a couple nutcases) that things didn’t end up working out with, but I didn’t really mind that things weren’t going perfectly because I had hEaLeD™, and I had proved to myself that I could move on… so sh*t was sweet for a while. 

However, when I decided to go on this dating hiatus, something I didn’t expect at all happened:

The issues, thoughts and feelings I was initially going to counselling for - before the breakup - started to come back to my attention. And this time, there was nowhere to run and nothing/nobody to distract me.

At this point in time, being forced to face these issues genuinely doesn’t feel as hard as it used to, as I have grown and matured a lot since when I first started feeling these things at around 14/15. I can think about things without it ruining the rest of my day, and I can put words to the feelings I struggled so much to verbalise back then. But regardless of how much easier it is now, it’s still f*cking hard - and this is what brings me back to my point about having a saviour complex.

The term “saviour complex” implies a deep rooted need to save/help people by fixing their problems - often at the expense of their own needs and feelings. Some would even go as far as saying that these “saviours” go out of their way to help others so they don’t have to deal with their own thoughts and feelings, and the more I think about it the more painfully obvious it is that perhaps my inclination to help people - and especially those that I’ve been involved with in some way - comes from a place of selfishness and an immense desire to not have to think about my own troubles.

This has definitely been a scary epiphany for me, and old habits have made me focus on the negative side of constantly trying to help and empathise with people. It’s made me question my entire character, in the sense that the traits that I’ve admired the most about myself might just be a defence mechanism so I don’t have to deal with my own sh*t. However, on the other hand, I’ve been spending a lot of energy reminding myself that regardless of what the truth is - if I ever figure it out - I’ve still been able to help people that have needed someone to be there for them, so does it even really matter what the reasons are at the end of the day? Probably not. I really need to keep working on getting out of my own head sometimes.

With that being said, being alone - whether it’s being single or temporarily for this lockdown - really forces you to face yourself and accept that maybe you don’t have everything as together as you thought, and that’s okay. As long as you acknowledge/fully feel your thoughts and feelings instead of dismissing them out of discomfort, the outcome can only be emotional growth and maturity.

5. My next relationship is going to be phenomenal.

Arguably to my disadvantage, and despite experiencing how peaceful and stress-free being completely single is… I still want love in my life, as long as it is on the right terms and healthy for both of us. I guess I’m just a hopeless romantic like that, at the end of the day… or a sick masochist.

I say this, but I know that all this work I’ve put into rebuilding and elevating myself will - when the time is right - bring someone amazing into my life, that will fully love my confidence, my imperfections and everything else about me that makes me, me. I have so much faith in this that for now, I’m really just chilling and going about my life and my own goals, as well as trusting the process. I feel no stress or anxiety about it anymore whatsoever, and I never thought I’d ever get to this point of calmness. It really is a great feeling to know that the next person lucky enough to be in a relationship with me is going to be nothing short of an additional blessing in my life (and I to theirs), because I am now no longer willing to compromise on or overlook toxic/unhealthy/bad vibes in whoever I end up with. For this reason, I would once again like to reiterate how grateful I am to myself for realising that this time alone was something I needed (and actually sticking to it) - it really has made me feel invincible.

The beautiful thing about all of these realisations is that you don’t even have to be as drastic as me (in terms of cutting the person/the people you’re talking to off) to get into a better headspace when it comes to relationships. If you’re lucky enough to be in a relationship with/dealing with someone that respects, loves and encourages your individuality, allocating quality time to spend with yourself shouldn’t even need to be justified. Obviously, a lot of relationships don’t really have a choice besides giving each other space during this lockdown, but even so I don’t think that time apart should be seen as a strain or a risk to the relationship. I feel so strongly about this that I’ve realised that I can’t even be with someone who doesn’t understand the importance of being our own, separate people who choose to form a team, as opposed to two incomplete individuals who are reliant on each other to feel whole.

With that being said, my biggest realisation and takeaway from this time alone is this:

My next relationship will not “complete” me; it will simply compliment my already existing wholeness.

Read that again.

Now - I know we’re all sick and tired of being cooped up in our houses. But we literally have all the time in the world to spend quality time with ourselves, so why not do so? Now is the perfect time for reflection, g-checking yourself, positive affirmations and self-love. I promise that you’ll come out of this lockdown feeling so much better about yourself.

Stay safe (and stay home)!

Love,

Liv

[tarysande]

Self promo fic meme

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15197180

Rules:  Post the first line of your last 10 published fics, then tag 10 people.

Tagged by the delightful @whopooh and the marvelous @spirantization. I feel like someone else tagged me a few weeks ago and I feel bad because I can’t remember. 

In reverse chronological order:

Taking the Fall (Lucifer, post-S3x24) WIP Deckerstar

First line of the fic: He was a monster.

First line of the last-posted chapter: That evening, whilst the Detective was otherwise occupied—she’d mentioned something about a long bath he didn’t dare let himself linger on the imagery of—Lucifer stood in the pool house, gazing out at the twilight and the patio now devoid of any remaining traces of his blood or feathers, his phone in hand.

Soup Kitchen (Lucifer, what if fic set during S4x03) Deckerstar

Lucifer’s not certain why the Detective’s so fixated on what others think of him but, for the time being at least, he’s willing to humor her.

Far From Home (Lucifer, what if fic post S4x10) Deckerstar

She’s so used to seeing him wherever she goes—he’s every lean, dark-haired man in a tailored suit, at least for the first few seconds—that it takes her at least a full breath to register that the man standing at the end of the grocery aisle isn’t a figment of her imagination.

Love Languages (Lucifer) Decekrstar

Lucifer looks beautiful in blue.

Snow at Christmastime (Lucifer) Deckerstar, Lucifer & Trixie

“Mommy,” said Trixie plaintively, pushing a piece of chocolate cake around her plate. “Why don’t we ever get snow at Christmastime?”

Any Four Walls (Mass Effect, post-ME3) (Shepard, Garrus, & family)

First line of the fic: “Admiral Shepard,” the young woman squeaked.

First line of the last-posted chapter: Garrus knew it wasn’t just disuse that made his armor feel cumbersome and heavy.

You (Lucifer) Deckerstar.

The first time Lucifer has Chloe Decker in his bed, she is drunk and sad and angry and he, all too aware how out of his element comfort is.

What Are All These Kissings Worth? (This is a bit weird since all the chapters are different stories, but here’s the first line of the first.) (Lucifer) Deckerstar.

Chloe rolled her shoulders, took a fortifying sip of wine, and glowered at the surveillance footage as if glowering alone might make it give up its secrets. With one hand, she rubbed absently at her neck and sighed.

Better Than Goats (Lucifer) A kitten adopts Lucifer.

Though not usually troubled overmuch by the passage of time—one hour was much the same as any other when you had eons of them behind and an infinity of them ahead—running Lux had somewhat accustomed Lucifer to schedules.

Stars (Lucifer) Lucifer & Trixie

When Mommy told her Lucifer was coming to watch her—“Sorry, babe, Maze is away, Ella’s working, Dad’s on a stakeout, all your other sitters are booked, and if I don’t show up for this parent-teacher night, I think your school might start giving me detention.”—Trixie smiled, nodded, and promised she wouldn’t cause any trouble or give him a hard time.

Bonus:

First line of Five Gifts, the only Mass Effect: Andromeda fic I posted to AO3 (I did a few short prompt fills on tumblr, too). Vetra/Jaal.

Some time after the first trip to Voeld—where, yes, maybe she’d complained just a little about the ridiculous cold—Vetra finds a piece of fabric on her workbench.

First line of the last bit of Dragon Age fic I posted (on tumblr, not on AO3 because for some reason I never ported over all my prompt fills for DA there). Kiss on a scar. Rose Trevelyan/Cullen Rutherford

Rose traced the scar on his left knee with a fingertip before pressing a kiss to the faint white reminder.

#

I find this really interesting, actually! A neat variety of sentence lengths, POV, and tenses. And em dashes. My beloved em dashes. :D 

TAGGING anyone who wants to do it? I’ve seen this go around a lot lately! If you’ve been waiting for a tag--here’s your chance! <3

[mininky]

Soul Bound

Summary: You weren’t supposed to fall in love. It was a simple contract, you’ve done this millions of times before. But there’s something different about Yoongi, and sometimes the heart just wants what the heart wants. Besides, what good is it being Satan if you don’t get to break the rules?

Pairing: Satan! Reader (fem) x Idol! Yoongi

Word Count: 9K

Warnings: religious mentions, explicit sex scenes including unprotected sex, 69, spanking, cum play

You've gone by many names over the centuries. Lucy, Lillith, Satan, the devil. You've adopted the name (y/n) this century but in the next few hundred years, you'll probably change it all over again.

   There's a lot that man was wrong about both you and hell. For one, you aren't some large male Demonoid creature with horns and red skin and goat legs. For two hell doesn't exactly exist. There isn't some large firey pit that tortured souls fall into. No, at death a reaper takes a soul to their appointed religion's place. Those who are agnostic go to the old gods of fallen religions. So you don't spend your days torturing dead, evil or unreligious souls. Although you do occasionally spend time torturing living souls. Hey, after eons of living you have to find entertainment somehow. To be fair, you don't go after innocent souls. Perhaps that's where the idea of torturing those tainted souls came from. Humans, they're so cute with their absurd ideas.

   Hell doesn't exactly exist. There is a relm where the demons live, an in-between world some might say. A place between the seeable to humans and to the unseeable gods. But it exists more as it's own large city for demons of all kinds when they aren't walking the world. What with the new age of technology you've noticed that many demons spend most of their time in hell now. Sometimes, late at night after a long grueling day, you think back to the good old times. The times where demons and gods walked amongst the humans without concealing themselves. Those were some fun times. But then all the religious wars started and the old gods stopped being worshipped and it became rather unanimous that walking amongst the humans in plain sight would just cause chaos now.

   Humans did get some things right though. You do, most certainly, enter into pacts with people. Soul binding contracts have become more and more popular over the years although you don't always do them. No, someone has to be dead set on it. You do indeed have the power to give a mere mortal their desires. And such simples ones they usually are. Riches, fame, love. Almost all of your soul binding contracts fall into those categories. There are a few here and there though that differ from the norm. For instance, you've noticed that recently in America there's been an increase in younger people selling their souls just to have their student loans paid off although you've started to do those for free. Clearly, the government isn't going to bail them out, and really you appreciate that this new generation is so grateful to you. Thanks, Satan might just be a meme but boy does it fill your nonexistent heart with joy.

   Each contract has its own stipulations. Most of them try to barter in the end, try to hold on to every last moment. You don't require all of them to die. You've learned your lesson on that one. Most of them just get reincarnated and do the same shit all over again but they can't even remember that they're repeat customers. So you've started to change the rules a bit. Those that you like well enough you might convert into a demon when the contract is up. Those that you don't like you might have in their contract that they have to live the rest of their lives doing charity work so they can learn to be a decent human. You like to think that you're a rather fair fallen angel. You aren't the big bad evil others have cooked you up to be, although in past times...you certainly weren't as kind as you are now. After all, you were feared and hated by almost everyone, and you can only take so much shit before you start to throw it back. It took awhile, but eventually, you grew tired of an eye for an eye. And it was around that time that you started to make changes to how you did soul binding contracts.

     You don't always make check ups on your contracts. Usually, you just let them go their course and when the contract is up one of your demons ensures that the proper payment is collected. There have been instances though when you've paid closer attention to some of the humans in your contracts. There's one recently that really intrigues you. Min Yoongi. He sold his soul to you years ago, and you gave him rather unusual stipulations. He was honestly talented. He wanted to be a rapper and a producer and he wanted to do it professionally. He didn't ask for fame, he just wanted to make a living off of his music. But you could see in the way he carried himself that he had been alone too long. He was too guarded, had a hard time being around others.

   So you gave him a rather unusual choice. He could sell his soul and work in a group, and if at the end of ten years under the contract he still sees no value in relationships then you'll take his soul. He thought you were insane. You can still clearly remember the way he scoffed at your words. He had assumed you would take his soul period, but that's just so boring. Maybe it's your old age softening you, but over the many years, you find it more worthwhile to bring a little bit of good into the world. In fact, it's under strict rules that demons are not allowed to meddle in human affairs unless it's a particularly bad human.

   You've quietly checked up on him since then, and your happy to report that he's clearly changed. Sure he's still quiet and guarded, and in some ways, the fame he never asked for that was given might have only exacerbated that part in him. But...he's also clearly close to his members. He works well with them, and with others. Today is the day that you'll complete the contract. His soul won't go to you, he'll be free once again although in a way that makes you feel a little...lonely.

   It's not like you've actually talked to him since he's entered into the contract. At least, not to his knowledge. You've gone to some of the fan signs, interacted with them as interviewers, but always under disguise. Your very existence is one that's doomed to loneliness, one that's forced away from humans. And while at first, you were rather content with being nothing more than the villain things started to change. I mean, sure you still have ancient daddy issues but really you see humans in a different light now. You've met many of them, many of the worst of the worst that made you feel that humanity was a cesspool of filth. But then years ago you met a woman who changed everything for you. And then you started to meet other humans who continued to challenge all of your beliefs.

   You're pretty sure that your fascination with Min Yoongi stems from the fact that he reminds you of you in many ways. He's brusque, quiet, sharp-tongued, but layered deep under everything he's fragile and broken and hurting. And slowly but surely he's been able to start mending his heart with the help of others, much in the same way that you did. And that might be why it gives you a bittersweet taste as you sit on the edge of his bed to end the contract. It's not that you can't exactly see him again after the contract ends, it's more that your place in his life is ending and it would seem pointless to continue checking up on him.

   You take in his sleeping figure, wondering if it would be appropriate to allow him to sleep any longer. You've been watching him for the last couple of minutes. He looks so innocent, so fragile, so...human. Each passing second engrains deeper in you the invisible lines that must be drawn. You would love to tell him that you're proud of him, that among all your contracts he will most likely remain one of your favorites. That he could have easily have done it without you, that you just gave him a push in the right direction. But that isn't your role to play here. He's a human. You're Satan. It should be that simple, and you hate that somewhere along the countless times you've watched over him that it changed. For you. But not for him.

   Finally, you take a deep breath and shake him awake gently with one hand over his mouth to stop him if he screams. (This isn't your first rodeo.) He stirs in agitation before finally moving rather frantically at the feeling of your hand on his face. He's jumped up, eyes wide until he takes in the moonlight cast on your face from his window. "(Y/N)?" His words come out muffled until you finally retract your hand partially out of shock. You can count on one hand the number of times a human has called you by your chosen name. Two of them now have belonged to the very man in front of you.

   It takes a moment for you to gather up your own thoughts and push away the warmth that threatens to wash through you. "I'm here to inform you, Min Yoongi, that you have performed the end of your contract and unfortunately for me, and fortunately for you, your soul will remain with you."

   "That's it? Are you really Satan, or have I just been dealing with some crazy ass dream for ten years?" Yoongi drawls his words out lazy, face pushing closer to you as he inspects your figure carefully as if you might suddenly transform into a beast in front of him.

   "I am, indeed Satan. I could remind you of the boring details such as me appearing to you out of thin air at your request or you signing a contract in blood. Be wary of myths. Some stem from truth, others have been greatly muddled over time." You stand to leave, but your legs stop working as you push yourself off the bed. It's not from lack of trying though, it's because of the feeling of his hand on grabbing onto yours.

   "Wait! I just, I just wanted to say thank you. Not just for giving me the ability to make my dreams a reality, but for allowing me to finally find a home. I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for you. Not just monetarily but emotionally as well." You know from your previous interactions with him, that Yoongi is usually a man of few words and hearing this praise from him has joy blossoming up in your chest where you presume your heart would be if you had one.

   "That's awfully kind of you Min Yoongi. I see I made the right choice in you. Well, I suppose I should get going now. People to see, places to be. I think I have a meeting to attend to with dear old dad about the apocalypse." You laugh at his bewildered expression. "Only kidding. I've long ago given up my dreams of world domination and have since become rather comfortable with doing odd jobs such as giving you your dreams." You don't know why you're telling him all this. Perhaps you should spend more time in hell with some of your friends, you think that perhaps you're starting to grow a bit...lonely.

   "Will I see you again?"

   "Probably not. The commute is hellacious." That's right, cover up your loneliness with bad puns. You twist to give one last fleeting smile at Yoongi. His dark eyes are looking at you so fondly, a look of true gratitude softening his normally sharp features. "It's a shame though, you really would have made a great demon." With a snap of your wrist your back in hell. Where you should be. Far away from the human who lights up little butterflies inside you.

   "You were gone longer than usual, is everything okay?"

   "Hmm, oh yes. Everything is fine. I take it that hell hasn't yet frozen over?"

   "No, but Changkyun made pigs fly again while you were out. I keep telling you, you need to scold that brat every once in a while." You look over at your assistant Hyolyn, who's glaring off in the distance clearly recalling the incident vividly.

   "He's good to keep the mood light around here. That's not such a bad thing my dear. Take a note from him, you work too hard." You laugh at the disgruntled look on her face before swiping the file out of her hands. "Is this all of the contracts for the day?"

   "No, that's all of the contracts for the hour. There seems to be an epidemic of people trying to sell their souls yet again. I've prioritized all of them. Most of them are student loans, I think there's another rumor going around. We can dispatch Changkyun for those ones. There are a couple of marriage wishes in here, I'll toss those ones for you I know you'll refuse them anyway. Oh! Odin popped by to see you. Really I don't know why you're friends with him. He gives me the creeps."

   "You say that about all the male gods. Although I won't disagree that Zeus is indeed a major creep. Well, if that's all then just hand the contracts over to the kid and I'm going to try to get my beauty sleep." Hyolyn gives a lazy nod at your words as you step out of your office only to make a few short steps down the hall to reach your bed.

   That night you entered dreams of more savage times. Times filled with pain and heartache and revenge, only for it to end with your chosen name being called out quietly, gratefully. Not Satan. Not Lucy. Not Lucifer. Just (y/n). Perhaps the dream is a signal of times changing for you. Or perhaps, more likely, it is a signal of the changes you long for. To be free, to ease the burden of isolation. Sure, you have your demons. And you love many of them. But...hell is still lonely. To them, you are their boss, their leader, the one who started it all, the mother figure. To most humans, you are the representation of evil and hatred of all things wrong. You suppose it's only natural for you to eventually start to feel a smidge lonely.

---------------------

   Life goes on as normal for some time, but your thoughts often wander back to Yoongi as they have for the last decade. You've refused however to allow yourself to fall back into habit and watch him from the shadows. He has a life to live now. A human life, one now free from the demonic shadows. That is until you're bewildered to hear from Hyolyn that you have a repeat requester. While it's not that unusual, it's very rare to have it happen again in the same lifetime. Mostly because of the nature of the contracts, but that's beside the point. What shocks you, even more, is that it's for something very mundane but most shocking of all is that the very man wishing to sell his soul for a really good pair of headphones is none other than Min Yoongi. Who can most certainly purchase the headphones with his own money, of which he has plenty.

   But it would be a lie to say that you didn't get a smidge giddy. What is it that humans say now? Acted like a high school girl? You've never been one, but you assume that you did indeed act like one. A dash of secret squealing, skipping, malfunctioning. My how times have changed. Luckily Hyolyn wasn't around for any of that. She would have never let you live it down.

   With a snap of your wrists you find yourself back in Yoongi's bedroom. You must say, you approve of his decorating skills. Black on black on black. Feels so homey and comforting. "Min Yoongi, I received a very absurd request today from you and I feel that I must inform you that selling your soul for a pair of headphones might possibly be one of the dumbest things I have ever seen in my life. You aren't a dumb man, at least not by my calculations. So why oh why did you do this?"

   Yoongi is giving a coy cat-like smirk. He was clearly waiting for you this time, there isn't an ounce of shock at your materialization in his room. "You know, you really should knock or something. Barging in is kind of rude."

   "Do you have any idea of how many things I have to do in a day? I have things to do, places to be, souls to buy and torture, gods to drink with. Spending time on the mortal plane is strictly for business and I don't appreciate that you think you can use me as your errand girl, or insist that I knock." You do actually. In fact, you think it's absolutely hilarious. But you have a reputation to uphold damnit.

   "Well, I didn't exactly get a phone number and besides I didn't think that hell would have service."

   "Oh, but we do have service. It's virgin mobile though, so you still wouldn't be able to get a hold of me except for in one spot that's now infested with flying pigs thanks to an unruly demon/demigod." You're pleased to say that you actually manage a laugh out of him. Well, it's more of a short-lived snort but hey, it counts right?

   "Who knew Satan could crack some jokes?"

   "...Well, I wasn't entirely kidding. I really do have a growing flying pig problem that I should be taking care of. The last time Changkyun got this out of hand I had to send the platypus to Australia. Honestly, Australia is filled with most of his fuck ups. Which is exactly why gods shouldn't have children with demons. Really throws things out of whack." Surprisingly he's smiling, there isn't a trace of discomfort at your words. He really is an unusual human. "So, what did you need to contact me for?"

   "Hmm, oh, ah. Well...I mean...I guess it is actually kind of dumb. But...I just wanted to talk. Honestly, I must say I'm impressed with how quickly you got here. Really if it means that I actually get to see you in person it's way better than a phone call." He's still sitting on his computer chair, but he's leaned in closer to you while nervously playing with the hem of his hoodie.

   "You...just wanted to talk? With me? Why?" He shrugs at first and you take the moment to finally sit down on his bed, your knees just a few centimeters away from his and for some reason that brings a flurry of new butterflies to stir around your gut. Man, if this really is how school girls feel when they have crushes you can't help but feel they have it rough. It's really not a pleasant feeling.

   Yoongi stops playing with his hoody to finally glance up at you and you swear for just a blink of an eye he gives you a shy smile before returning to his normal stoic appearance. "Why? Why not? I mean, I do have you to thank for everything in my life now. But also...I was curious. When you were talking to me I couldn't help but get the feeling that we've talked before. And I mean sometime between when the contract first started and ended."

   Do you lie? Tell him that it was just wishful thinking? Or do you tell him the truth? What would be better in the long run? Sure, you'll gain temporary satisfaction from this possibly budding friendship but a human? I mean, of all the dumb things you could possibly do becoming friends with one of the most famous ones certainly seems like it would take the cake. At the same time though, you of all people are allowed to break the rules. "I was curious. I wanted to see how you were fairing under the terms of the contract and with all of the new pressures that come with being in your position. I must say, it's a shame how well you did. You would have done very well as a demon."

   "As a demon? You wouldn't just...devour my soul?"

   "First of all, where's the fun in that? Second of all, I don't eat souls. I repurpose them. Reduce, reuse, recycle amiright?" You don't earn a laugh this time, but his lip does twitch slightly so it's not a total loss. "No, no. If you hadn't held your end of the contract then I would have simply turned you into a demon and held you along with your soul for eternity as such."

   "What's hell like?"

   "Completely different from what you think it is. There are no tortured souls. Think of it as a demon city. Or like Monsters inc! Yeah, kind of like Monsters inc." He's staring at you dubiously now before finally starting to chuckle.

   "You know, nothing at all could prepare me for this. You're really easy to talk to...and so...I dunno...human like?" Your eyes narrow slightly as you bristle at his words.

   "I feel that you're trying to give me a compliment, so I'll say thank you. But I am not human. To forget so is to simply take away a piece of who and what I am." Your words clearly come out more harshly than you intended based off of the way his shoulders fall and you give him a playful nudge. "But like I said, I appreciate that you were trying to give me a compliment. I don't get too terribly many of those." You're interrupted by a knock on the door and someone tries rattling the handle that's been clearly locked. "Well, looks like our times up."

   You're about to snap your way out of the situation before someone tries to pick the lock but his hand is quick to grab on. "Wait, am I allowed to contact you again?"

   You ponder a moment, hoping that you aren't mirroring his own shade of cherry red cheeks before sighing. "I suppose worse things could happen." His hands are still attached to your wrist as you're graced with a true blue smile from him, something that you're sure is a rare occurrence. Gingerly you remove his hand and a moment later you're back in hell.

-------------------------

   Over the next few months, you get random contracts for the most absurd things from Yoongi. They've gotten increasingly ridiculous. While at first, he continued with studio equipment he started to switch it up to random things. Your favorite by far though was the request to sell his soul for a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts. Hyolyn and Changkyun have been teasing you mercilessly for it until you threatened to throw them in a vat of hot wax, stick wicks up their asses and use them as candles. So you're pretty glad that they aren't around to see the boldest request you've received yet. Yoongi basically asked you out on a date. At least, you're pretty sure that's the only possible way you can look at this. He requested to sell his soul for a date with (Y/N). Now, he might know another (y/n), however, you have a feeling that he certainly wouldn't be referring to someone by your same name in this request.

   You're unnervingly giddy as you set off to see him. Until you're actually in his room and standing face to face with him when your brain decides to start thinking about all the various reasons why this is a terrible idea. He's a human, you're...well you're not. This really isn't going to go anywhere good, and if he's harboring the same feelings for you as you have for him then it can't possibly end well. Right? But then your thoughts suddenly halt when you take in his appearance. He's dressed in all black with a snapback and leather jacket, and you must say you approve. But once you move past drinking in his fashion choices you finally notice the small potted cactus in his hand.

   "I was thinking about getting you flowers, but somehow I felt a cactus fits your personality better. Resilient, prickly, a unique beauty..." He's speaking quickly, hands fidgeting with the plant before he finally holds it out for you.

   "Thank you. I'm actually rather fond of desert plants, they're a good place to go to dump Changkyun's experiments." You take the pot in your hands before placing it back down on his desk. "So, that's a mighty bold request of you. Sell your soul for a date, are you that desperate? I mean, it's not like you of all people don't have a wide variety of options at your disposal."

   "But they aren't you." It's said so simply, so matter of fact. You can see the resolution in his eyes, you can see a determination that tells you that he's clearly already seen that you might argue with him about this and he won't go down without a fight. "You know, at first I thought I wanted to get to know you because I was grateful, but it wasn't entirely that. No, there was much more to it. You see you're funny and easy to speak to, and you aren't judgemental at all. You know the burdens that I go through and you're mindful to them, but you also don't let anything slide like when I ask you to come over as a distraction instead of getting down to work. And you're also possibly the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, I don't know if that's like a demon thing or what but I mean, you're just all around awesome. I've thought about asking you out for a while now actually. So what do you say, (y/n), you wanna go on a date with me?"

   You should say no. You really should. Because you know where this is going to lead to. You've tried to ignore the simmering of lust you've felt in your veins, but you won't be able to ignore it if this becomes habit. And the last time you were with a human...well let's just say things got messy. Not to mention the fact that most gods don't bode well with souls that you've been around. Although, he was kind of already screwed the moment he entered that contract so..."Alright, I'll go on a date. Where do you want to go?"

   "That...that was easier than I anticipated..." Yoongi is squinting at you, looking almost disappointed that he didn't have a chance to state his case longer before he's grinning. "Well, where do you like to go on your time off?"

   "Time off? Oh no, no no. There's really no rest for the wicked, humans actually got something right with that one. But I'm curious as to where exactly you would take me out. And knowing you, you most certainly have a plan. So let's hear it." His eyes have a mischevious glint in them as he listens, and you know for certain that he does indeed have a plan.

   "Okay, well I'm not going to ruin it but let's just say that you've asked me about it before." This could go many ways at this point, and while your curiosity isn't often piqued you have a feeling that with this man things will always be interesting.

   About twenty minutes later you find yourself sitting in Yoongi's studio with some tteokbokki and drinks. "So...you finally have a day off, free to go out on a date and you choose the same place that you already spend most of your time?"

   You half expected him to be defensive, maybe a little snippy as you've noticed that tends to be a rather normal state for him to be in but instead he just gives a chuckle before heading over to his computer and clicking through a few things. "You know that song that I was saying I couldn't finish? And I kept wasting time by talking to you instead until you chewed me out for slacking off? Well, I finally got the inspiration and finished it. I'm planning on putting it on my next mixtape and I wanted you to be the first one to hear it. Namjoon hasn't even listened to it yet."

   Now you've spent enough time with Yoongi at this point to know that that's akin to Yoongi getting down on one knee and telling you he's in love with you. He's a very private man, and not only has he let you into his sanctum he's also showing you a piece of him that he hasn't even shown his best friend. This is serious. And while that should make you run back to your cozy bed in hell and continue living your reclusive life as intended instead you find your heart suddenly warming and growing as if you're the Grinch and not the devil. For possibly the millionth time since you've met Yoongi you can't help but think that time really has softened you, but for once you think that maybe that's not such a bad thing.

   You expected something harder, something faster but instead, the beat is soft almost somber and his words only further that atmosphere. The song is about second chances and new beginnings, it's about change and it resonates so deeply with you that you almost wonder if somehow he read your very soul. When it comes to an end you try to say something, but words seem to fail. At your lack of silence, he starts to panic slightly.

   "Oh god, I made this the worst date ever didn't I? I am so sorry, I should have taken Hobi's advice and taken you out to the movies and dinner. I didn't think-"

   "That song is beautiful, and it was absolutely worth all the procrastination because I think that that's really going to be the best one. I mean, I haven't heard the rest, but that was amazing." You're not sure if it's a trick of the light but you swear you actually see him blush for a nanosecond. He's sitting motionless for what feels like eons before he's finally talking again.

   "You know, the seal of approval from you just makes this song all that much better to me." His words are quiet, just above a whisper.

   "Yes, well, you probably shouldn't go around telling people that it's hell approved. They might not take too fondly to it." You grab one of the rice cakes and chew for a moment in silence before looking up to see Yoongi staring at you.

   "You know, I totally forgot to ask if you could even eat. I didn't really think about that..."

   "Of course I can eat, although it's not necessary for me I'm still very fond of food. The seven deadly sins do exist for a reason and I am supposed to be the embodiment after all." At the quizzical look he gives you, you decide to elaborate a bit. "The seven deadly sins are pride, greed, lust, gluttony, sloth, envy, and wrath."

   He gives a slow nod, mouth opening before shutting quickly. When you raise a brow at him he looks away for a moment before slowly speaking. "So...uh..."

   "I have a feeling you're about to ask me about lust. Listen, life for humans is very short. Of all the sins I see zero reasons why one shouldn't enjoy and partake in lust and gluttony rather often. Of course, lust does come with the asterisk of consent. It's not lust if both parties don't want it."

   "You know, I'm really glad you're not actually a weird red half goat dude. Because hearing that guy is the embodiment of sins is a lot more terrifying than hearing that you are."

   "Ah, well that's just because you haven't seen my real form." Yoongi goes pale at your words, and you give a loud laugh at the sight of his terror. "I'm only kidding. Kind of. I mean, I really do have black wings but that's about it." Finally, he seems to snap out of it, and this time he seems keenly interested.

   "Really, wings? Can you fly? Can I see them?"

   "Well, there's zero point in flying when I can just instantly transport myself places and conserve energy..." You stand up and look around the small room. "There's not enough space in here for me to show you by the way." You don't miss the look of disappointment that clouds his features momentarily. "But...well...if you're interested in going to hell I can certainly show you there."

   "I don't have to be dead to go to hell? Turning it into a tourist attraction now are you?"

   "Look at you, the human's got jokes. No, but really, you don't need to be dead. There are rules about not taking live humans to hell but that has more to do with the fact that you guys aren't supposed to know about the afterlife and blah blah blah. But hey, I make the rules so I'm allowed to break them." He's up in an instant, nodding enthusiastically as he takes out your hand.

   "Please keep your hands in feet inside the ride at all times. Possible nausea may occur, tickets are nonrefundable." He's giving you an exasperated side eye before you snap your fingers and find yourself back in your bedroom.

   "Woah, that was really fast. I expected it to take longer but holy cow. That was so cool, we basically just blinked and got here." He's looking around your room in awe, his cool hand still firmly grasping onto yours and the feeling is so comforting you're hoping that it'll remain there for a while longer. "Nice digs by the way."

   His eyes wander around the room before he looks back at you, hand slowly slipping out of yours as he perches himself onto the chaise in front of your bed. His eyes are glued on you, but there seems to be no rushing you to finally show him your wings. Slowly you slip off the sweater you were wearing before taking off your bra with your back still turned to him before you give a small snap of your fingers and they emerge.

   His reaction is instant, the small gasp isn't unnoticed by you. You can hear him move slowly before he's standing behind you, his words just above a whisper as he asks, "can I touch them?"

   "Go ahead." His fingers are soft, grazing lightly over the long black feathers before coming back to the soft skin between your back.

   "They're so pretty. And so big, holy cow." His hands move back over the feathers once more before he finally steps back and you snap your fingers and once again they're gone. When you glance over your shoulder you see his pupils slightly dilated, breathing ruffled slightly off pattern, hands grasping at the hem of his shirt once again before he steps closer to you.

   You can feel nerves start to light on fire, the all too familiar feelings of unbridled desire starting to bubble through you as you feel his warm breath on your neck. "You know, you're really beautiful."

   You want to be snarky, you want to remind him that you're beautiful because that's what disarms people. Because it's a survival tool, but for some reason, the thought of putting that wall up as you've grown so used to seems so tiring. You don't want to be the devil or Lucy around him, you just want to be (y/n). You just want to sink into the flurry of emotions that he makes you feel. He makes you feel so alive again, every step you take with him is just so natural. So for once you leave the sassy remarks at the door, and when you feel his hands glide over your shoulders before gently turning you around you realize that this is exactly what you wanted. It's why you agreed to the date, it's why you brought him back here. You just want him, you just want to feel free again.

   Humans can't understand the beauty in the short freedom they're granted. You are tethered for eternity to a sordid world, a job that you can't leave and you no longer love although you never really loved playing satan in the first place. But around Yoongi? That seems to slip away until all that remains is that tightly wound coil deep in your belly that feels like it's on the verge of snapping and consuming you whole. Everything urges you to move closer, to find euphoria even if it's for but a moment with him. You know you shouldn't. You know that your place is to stay far away, but by taking him here you've already crossed the line and you don't want to look back. You can't. So when you close the distance until noses are brushing there's no holding back any longer. Your gaze flicks up for just a moment before your hands tug him even closer and your lips are finally on his.

   He tastes like he's been dipped in honey due to the balm that he wears to keep his lips sinfully soft, and it's utterly addictive. What starts as a soft kiss grows quickly, his hands finally circling your hips and kneading at the flesh above your pants before he's dragging you closer to the bed. Each swipe of his tongue gliding across your lips before dipping back in has tiny mewls of pleasure ringing out. You've never shyed away from hedonistic joys, but this...this is something different. It isn't just a momentary spark, it isn't simply something that the moment calls for. No, you've wondered for ages what he would feel like, sound like, be like.

   It seems though that you weren't the only one who has been entertaining the idea of what could be. Yoongi seems just as lost and needy as you, hands quick to disrobe you and roam around your body in a frenzy as if he's trying to memorize your skin by touch. His hips swivel into yours, the friction of each touch bringing deep groans out from him. When your knees finally reach the edge of the bed is when you pull yourself out of this trance of submissive need, and back into a domain you're more comfortable in. You want to watch him fall apart under pleasure, you want to allow him to taste this sinful freedom with you.

   In a flash you have him sitting under you on the bed, his dark eyes looking almost doe-like in shock before that perpetual smirk is back on his face. "What, you want to be in charge here princess?"

   "Princess, oh no Yoongi. Remember, here I'm the Queen." His eyes narrow in on the way you lick your lips before you dip down to press a slow trail from his earlobe to his collarbone. You can feel his muscles tighten as your fingers dance lightly around the hem of his shirt before sitting back up to finally see his skin. You have to admit, he's more toned than you would have at first thought.

   "Like what you see?" His head is cocked to the side as he watches you drinking in the sight before you, one hand cupping your ass in a firm grip and the other palming his now prominent bulge.

   "I think I'd like to see more actually." He's quick to help you take off his pants and boxers before reaching over to strip you bare. You aren't sure if it's your own heart beating this loudly in your ears or if it's his too that you're hearing. You can't remember the last time you were this worked up, this needy. But you don't just want him. No, gods, you feel like you'll burst if you don't have him soon. You need to taste him, you need to take him.

   You grip his twitching member softly, eyes closing at the feeling of the weight in your palm. So velvety soft, so thick, just the right length. If you didn't know better you'd swear he was a demigod. He's certainly one blessed human, that's for sure. Or perhaps cursed if he's here with you right now? Whatever the case, you know he's special. You move closer, mouth inching near to finally taste the precum that looks oh so inviting when the feeling of his hand tugging on your wrist has you looking back up at him. "I want to taste you too, I need to taste you too." It's so simple, so matter of fact but the way he looks at you as he says it, jaw clenched hard and eyes narrowing in on your arousal glistening onto your thighs has you moaning in anticipation.

   You shuffle and reposition until your mouth is hovering over his cock and you can feel his warm breath nearing your clit. A squeak of surprise leaves you as his calloused hands grab your hips and lower you straight onto his mouth, his tongue swiping over your folds before reaching back up to that oh so wonderful bundle of nerves. A harsh smack on your left ass cheek has you almost buckling, a long loud moan escaping before you finally take the hint and grasp his dick once again. You want him to feel just as good, you want to hear him groaning around you. With that determination in mind, you quickly set to work, swiping a long trail from the base to his leaking tip before taking him in your mouth.

   The angle makes it so each time you get to almost the base, nose pressing into his balls he reaches right at the back of your throat and almost choking you. You have to time your breathing just right to not gag and sputter each time, deep breath in and exhaling slowly until you need to move back up for more air. It isn't long before you can feel his groans vibrating around you, his legs tensing and jerking slightly each time you take him deeper. His hands are gripping your hips tight enough now to feel bruises forming.

   You aren't sure if you should say luckily or unfortunately for you, Yoongi is clearly competitive. Each time you swallow around him, each time he groans his tongue moves faster against you. You've had countless lovers, lovers that range from gods to demons to all those in between, but none of them have ever had a tongue this talented. None of them have ever found all your buttons so fast. It's enough to drive you to the brink of insanity, to want to tumble off the cliff that he keeps bringing you to the edge of only to slow down just in time to have you do the same to him. It's clearly become a battle of who will cum first. You want it to be him, but you can feel that familiar burning sensation growing out of control. It's when you finally take him completely whole, dick reaching so far down your throat you could put it on your list of impressive accomplishments when his mouth comes off you completely. You're foolish enough to think you've won the battle until the harsh sting of his hand coming down right across your clit has you seeing stars as he barks out a gruff, "Cum."

   Your moans come out a muffled mess, thighs squeezing around his chest, sobs turning into splutters and gags before you finally taste his own release on your tongue as you feel another stinging blow across your sweet spot. It's just enough pain to sink further into the pleasure as you swallow down every last drop of his release before finally pulling off his dick with a small pop.

   You've always had a salacious appetite once you're in the mood, but now you're needier than ever before. You need him to taste himself, you need to taste yourself, and then you need to feel him. You move around quickly, mouth crashing over his with far too much teeth to be sexy but neither of you seems to care. It's an addictive flavor, tangy and floral and perfect. You almost want to fight to be more dominant, as was your original plan, when Yoongi rolls you over so he's on top but the sight of him looking down at you has you interested in his plans. Besides, he seems to know all your buttons so you'll let him take over. This time.

   "You look so...so fucking perfect. I just want to sink my teeth in and never leave."

   "Well, time is pretty warped here so I suppose you could but your body will keep a-aah!" Your response is cut off by a harsh bite to your nipple. Even with his hair covering his face you just know he's smirking, but you can't think about it too long as he starts rolling the bud back and forth between his teeth while one hand dips right to your still sensitive folds. His fingers ghost over teasingly, your hips jutting up in response and back bowing up to chase after his lips as he pulls back.

   "May I?" He doesn't need to elaborate, you know exactly what he's asking for if his teasing fingers are anything to go by.

   "Please, please. I want to feel you soon." This time there is no smirk, instead, he sends you a gummy grin. It almost puts you out of place for a moment, seeing him look so genuinely happy, so ready to please with his eyes crinkling up and pearly whites showing as his hair flops over one eye. It's so...domestic, and it for some reason makes you want him all the more. You don't fully understand these feelings, you don't get why you've never really had them before but all you know is that you don't want this feeling to go away.

   He slowly works in two fingers, and each time he moves you unconsciously clench around them. It's so slow, so painfully slow. You need more, you need to feel the stretch. "Yoongi, please, I need more." He doesn't argue, he just slowly adds in a third before looking back over at you as his movements stop completely.

   "I want to see you fuck yourself on my fingers." My oh my, how you've missed hearing such filth directed at you. You place your hand on his shoulder as you slowly begin rocking your hips before swiveling in small circles. Each movement leaves a small squelch echoing through the room, each time you rock deeper you let out a small whimper of pleasure. It's not enough to get you to cum, but it is enough to lead you to want more. You watch closely as his dick hardens once again, neck thrown back as you visualize what you hope is soon to come.

   "Please, Yoongi, I need to feel you. I know you want to feel me too, please just fuck me already. He doesn't need any more convincing as he's quick to pull back his fingers leaving you pulsing around nothing.

   "Who would've thought you'd be so good for me?" His words are quiet, almost more to himself as they're whispered in awe. Really you're pretty surprised yourself, you didn't see your first encounter with him going this way but you aren't complaining in the least. In fact, you're kind of enjoying not being in charge for once.

   Your thoughts are cut off though at the feeling of him finally entering, a stretch that has both of you moaning in unison. There's no rush in him, and each slow movement leaves shivers running up your spine and toes curling. You can feel him everywhere when he finally bottoms out, your back curving and hips coming down as his hands wrap around your hips to pull you even closer. It's magic, it's fireworks, it's sin at it's finest.

   At first you expect him to just keep with his slow, rhythmic movements, but the moment he realizes you've adjusted he moves at breakneck speed. His hips bruise into yours, hands gripping your hips to pull them up and put you at just the right angle to hit your g-spot. It isn't long before you're screaming, writhing, hands grasping at the sheets. It's so unfair, how quickly he can wind you up. How desperate he makes you feel. How he makes you feel insatiable. One has never been enough for you, but you know that no matter how many times he'll make you cum tonight it'll never be enough.

   That low, gravely order is said once again, "Come for me, (y/n)." That's all it takes for the knot deep in your belly to finally unwind, the feeling of bliss washing over as everything else floats away for a moment. Everything feels fuzzy, as if you've astral projected into another dimension and no longer in your body until the feeling of Yoongi twisting you around brings you right back into the present. One hand remains on your hips, the other wrapping into your hair as he pulls you up and takes you from behind this time. Each movement is sharp, precise and the sensitivity of two orgasms puts you right back on the edge again.

   His lips trail over your neck, and the feeling of the soft kisses with the sharp sting of your scalp has you groaning his name. He might be the most talented multitasker you've met, because even when his hand dips from your hips to move slow circles onto your clit he never breaks his rhythm. It's all too much, it's all so close. You can feel nirvana just around the horizon, and you can tell by the way his groans are growing louder that he is too. "Come with me Yoongi." Your voice is hoarse, sweat dripping down your temple as you finally feel your third and final orgasm of the night wash over you. This time it's fireworks and lightning, both of you panting in unison as one, two, three more thrusts and he pulls out to paint his seed messily over your back and ass.

   You're not sure how long the two of you stay there. It could have been just mere moments or it could have been half and hour, the two of you slowly climbing back down from the rush of blissful hedonism. Yoongi fumbles around the room for a minute before you feel a cold, damp cloth as he cleans you up.

   "Wow, that was...amazing. God, I sound like such a dork right now, huh?"

   "Well, I guess I like dorks. You know, I can't remember the last time I ever let someone else take the reins and they actually did a good job. In fact, I can't remember the last time I've had such an attentive lover. You continue to surprise me Min Yoongi."

   "What, you couldn't tell I was actually a sex god in disguise?" Both of you laugh before he lays down and pulls you next to him, the feeling of domesiticity sending that rush of butterflies back through you all over again. "You know, I really really like you (y/n). I know...I know that you know...you're like head demon in charge and I'm a human, but I don't care about all that crap. I just like you, and want you, and...I'm glad I found you."

   You're not sure what to say to this. Part of you thought about running, but you can't bear to do that. No, you want him too much. You want to be with him as he continues his life journey, you want to experience mortality with him and while you know someday it will end and you'll continue living you still just can't give up. Love, is this what it's called? "I think...I think I'm in love with you Yoongi."

   "Oh thank god, because I was terrified to be the first to say it. Does this mean that I can officially call you my girlfriend? And introduce you to the other guys? And hang out in hell with you? Because I love you, and I love spending time with you, and I want nothing more but to just be with you more."

   "I'll agree to it if you'll stay here tonight. I'm too tired to take you back home. Besides, my beds bigger." You know you shouldn't, you know you should let him forget all about you. But as you curl up into his side and listen to him fall into a deep slumber you know that this is where your heaven is. This is where you want to be. Besides, what good is it being Satan if you don't break the rules for your own selfish gain every now and again?

   The next morning you sit Yoongi down and have a serious talk with him, one where you explain how grateful you are that he first entered the contract. About how your existance isn't all glitz and glam, and you're ashamed to admit that it isn't until you tell him all this that the very reasons you were first drawn to him are the same reasons he was drawn to you. He started out having difficulties getting close to others, and now that you've finally given him a place in the group the popularity has forced him to live a careful life in the public eye. A scrutiny that you understand all too well. You would never have believed that the devil would go down to Seoul and find her lover in a world famous idol, but you wouldn't have it any other way. Besides, you've never exactly fit the mold so why should your relationship?

[cinnbar-bun]

Long Post About Why I Love You Guys so Much (100 follower letter)

So, today I reached a big milestone, 100 followers! I was awake to see it happen too! That was like an instant mood booster. 

Since V-day is around the corner I wanna share my love early and talk about how grateful I am to you guys. 

I started this blog around late November and being here??? About 3 months later??? Didn’t think it would happen. But it did, and I don’t know how. 

The times before November always made me question whether or not I wanted to write more, especially for the public eye. I was nervous, albeit hesitant. I wanted to share my work but I was afraid of the reaction. 

You guys have been so supportive of me since the first day, and I think I’m lucky to have been able to meet you. This blog would not be here if it weren’t for you, you are just as important in running it as I am. 

When I was down, who cheered me up? You. 

When I was upset, who comforted me? You.

When I was injured, who checked up on me? You. 

You, you, you. 

You made this blog what it is today, and I am blessed to have been able to share it with you. As the old saying goes, a kingdom is just a name, it’s the people that make it up. This blog may have started because of me, but it’s you who made it better by being the wonderful people you are. 

I’ve never felt more accomplished and proud than being able to put a smile on your faces, or make you bust out laughing, or make you cry from the angst (huehuehuehue...). Your comments and messages brighten up my day, from simple things as a ‘hello’, or a ‘I’ve been looking at this for 5 hours now’ or even some horrible memes. 

Nothing compares to it. It makes me feel happy that I was able to befriend and make you feel happy. For all the times you’ve made me happy, I want to make you guys even happier. 

The overwhelming support I get from you and the silly questions we ask each other is some of the best things to wake up to. 

You guys can ask me anything you want (within reason of course) because I just love interacting with you! Please, don’t feel like you need to be afraid to talk to me, whether it’s a silly question or a long rant, or just random things in general. I love it all the same. 

You guys are very special to me, and I hope this bond can last for eons as we continue. You are wonderful people, who deserved to be loved, cherished, and praised for all you do. 

I don’t think I can convey this sentiment with words alone, but know for as much as I’m rambling, I really love you guys. Thank you. 

Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being patient with me during my lazy spells. Thank you for encouraging me all those times. Thank you for brightening my day. Thank you for making me smile.

Thank you, for being you. 

Now, I want to be able to make YOU smile and make you feel better. I’ll be happy to help in whatever way I can. You guys deserve the world, and I wish I could give it to you. 

Let’s make each other happier as we continue on. Let’s make these days even better. We got each other, and I’m so thankful for that. 

Take another garbage scribble I made for you guys.

Love you all so much!!!

-Luna

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #204

“welcome to the gospel of dismay.”

Have you ever started reading a book and wondered if you’d read it before? I don't believe so. What has been bothering you a lot lately? Just job stuff... My VR coach and I are having difficulty finding something suitable for me (or something I'm even qualified for) to the point it's looking like I have no choice but to reach out of my comfort zone quite a bit. Thankfully, whatever I do, she goes to work with me and my case isn't closed until I feel totally comfortable at the job, but I just don't want to hop around five times until I find something that fits. I'm just ready to be settled into a job that's not torture for me. What (or who) have you been missing lately? I've been missing Sara really, really badly. My friend Alex, too. It's seemed lately that I only matter when she wants to talk, solely about her boyfriend. As for what, motivation... It's been running low low low lately. Miss having the drive to write like I used to. Miss hobbies. I miss doing things. Are you trustworthy? Yes. Did your parents teach that white lies were ok? In few situations, such as not to hurt other's feelings. Have you ever hallucinated? When coming off of a medication, yes. I saw moving shadows. Do you sleep with your door open or closed? Open. Roman would neeeever let me sleep with it closed, but even then, I prefer not to have it closed. My mom sleeps right outside my room on the couch, and even though we're sleeping, it gives me a natural sense of security to be able to see her. I'm such an infant. By God, do I need to loosen up on my attachment to her. What flags do you have in your room, if any? None. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? Recovery is the best thing, as for who, Sara. Although in some ways you could say Jason just because of how he changed me to an incredible degree and brought about the development of a lot of strength and less naivety, plus a LOT of self-discovery. I guess it depends on how you look at the question. What is the worst decision you ever made? Essentially turning Jason into a god. Letting my life depend on him loving me. Do you miss college? Jfc, I miss school PERIOD. I don't need to give the sob story about how I'm like a prisoner to my house again and how I don't really have friends. I miss having a purpose, and I neeeeed to be exposed to strangers again for social exercise, as well as hopefully to make friends. I just want something to do and work towards my career. I stg my fucking old college better get their shit together so I can go next semester. I will actually lose my shit otherwise. Have you ever called a teacher “mom”? I think I have by accident before. I still call an old teacher that's now a family friend "2nd Mom" sometimes. What is your favorite arcade game? Idk what are "normal" ones. Oh, well, do crane machines count? So rigged, but they're fun. Do you feel neglected? No, for the most part. Those most important in my life are doing everything to make sure I can handle the "real" world one day. What school subject(s) are/were your best? English, art, and science. Are you allergic to grass? No. Do you remember to water plants? I don't have any. What season is your birthday in? Winter. Name 3 creative people you know. Sara, Connie, and Emma to name just a few. Name 3 YouTubers you aspire to be like. Markiplier for work ethic, creativity, compassion, wisdom, determination, etc. etc. etfuckingc., Shane Dawson for kindness, aaaaand uhhhh Arin Hanson for how down-to-earth and chill he is behind his goofy exterior. What color was your first car? Haven't had my first one yet. What year did you graduate? 2014. When was the last time you saw the person you currently have feelings for? Not since early February. Have you ever been scammed? Ummmm idk, maybe? Are you allergic to pollen? Yes. What style of wedding dress do you like best? Ballgown. Are you over your first love? Yes. Do you talk on the phone a lot? No. Would you rather call or text? Text, big time. Do you always answer your phone? Most times. When was the last time you went to a party? Nicole didn't really have a "party," nor did Sara, so technically my nephew's birthday in August. What was the last thing you ate? A bagel. What’s the last book you checked out from the library? I couldn't tell you. Do you have a twitter? Yeah, but I post nothing. It only exists to like Mark's shit lmao. If so, what was the last thing you tweeted? ^ Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My mom. What’s the last thing you cooked on the stove? Scrambled eggs eons ago. What color is the cover of the last notebook you used? Hot pink. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Alex. Who sent the last e-mail you got? Mad Ethel's tattoo parlor. I was talking with them about enhancing my tat I got in tribute to Mark; I don't think it looks spacey enough at all, so I'm going to a more professional artist. I mean I like what it is now, but I want to love it. I got a price estimate, aaand it's probably gonna be a while. What song is currently stuck in your head? "Legs Up" by Jeffree Star bye I'mma go jump off a bridge. Do you have a favorite shape? Of basic shapes, circles. What color are the sheets on your bed? White, which I hate; between Roman and Teddy, you can tell it needs to be changed desperately. What time do you usually go to bed? It can range from very rarely as early as 7:00 (I have to be having a baaaaad day) to as late as midnight. Yeah. Do you ever use coloring books? Not anymore. Are you planning on watching the Olympics? I never do. Do you pronounce the word "often" with or without a "t" in the middle? With. Have you ever been on a trapeze? No. Do you enjoy popping bubble wrap? Omfg GIMME. Are there any waterfalls near where you live? No. Do you like seafood? No, solely shrimp prepared in certain ways. Have you ever had to wear a uniform for anything? In middle school. Then at my two jobs. If so, what did it look like? Middle school was khaki pants with plain tops of only certain colors, like white or light blue (those may have been the only options, even). I don't remember the work ones, I was there so briefly. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? No. Do you own a Polaroid camera? No. Do you enjoy baking? I don't enjoy cooking period. What’s your favorite type of flower? Orchids. Last time (if ever) you were on an airplane, where were you going? Back home from Illinois. Do you know anyone who is left-handed? Sara. What is something you think is underrated? Hm. Probably certain shows or movies that aren't coming to mind. Ah, "The Cat in the Hat" with Mike Myers is certainly one for me. It's such a meme that it's awful, but I love that movie. Around what temperature do you consider it to be too hot outside? Like 65*F. In what ways do you expect your life to be different one year from now? I BETTER have a stable job. How often do you travel outside of the state/province you live in? Not often at all. What’s a hobby you used to have, but don’t anymore? Sigh, reading. That hobby died at the hospital, when all I had to do was read and color all day every day because the mental institutions here are godawful. I really do miss reading. What has been your favorite job you’ve had so far? Ha. What’s your favorite kind of salsa/dip to go with tortilla chips? Just the normal spicy kind. Do you wash your car by hand or drive through a car wash? I don’t have a car. Where is the farthest north you’ve traveled to? Michigan. Farthest south? Florida. East? Well, here in NC. West? Illinois. How often do you run the dishwasher? We don't have one. Do you wash your face at the sink or in the shower? Sink. Name a stereotype about your gender that you don’t fit. I have no desire for kids, I hate shopping, I have no interest in fashion... Name a stereotype about your age that you don’t fit. I still don't want kids/don't have any kids. Do you have any unusual decorations in your home? Not really, but I suppose you could say my late grampa's old "cowboy" hat with feather tassels hanging on the wall is? It's aaaalways been on the walls in all our houses. Do you have any uncommon kitchen appliances, such as espresso machines, waffle irons, etc? I dunno. I don't use any. What did your parents major/minor in in college, if they went? Mom majors in social work; Dad never went. Has either of their careers influenced what career you chose or want to pursue? No. What is the highest level math class you’ve completed? I don't remember. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? Idr. How old were you when you learned how to swim? Again, idr. How do you react when someone is rude to you? I get really embarrassed for whatever reason and also verbally impulsive; you don't know what's gonna come out of my mouth. Have you ever had a friend who was too clingy? No, but then again, I don't know if "too clingy" exists for me. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Why is your least favorite season your least favorite? It's too goddamn hot and humid as FUCK and all the insects are out. Do you have a Netflix account? Yes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. Where is your favorite place to go on vacation? Honestly, I can't even tell you. I've been on so, so few vacations, and those I have are almost exclusively to the beach, which I don't like. How long does it take to get there? The beach is ~2+ hours depending on which one we're going to. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? When I fully let Jason go, I guess. I don't think I've had a massive change since then. What room in your home do you spend the least amount of time in? I never go into my sister's old room. What is the last random act of kindness you did? Don't drag me for playing WoW please okay. But anyway me and another player were heading to an old raid, and I flew to the spawn point of an incredibly rare mob that drops a mount to see if it was up; he was, and the guy was super thankful I checked for him (I already had it, so it wasn't for my own benefit). Do you do anything to reduce the amount of electricity you use? I do the opposite, really... as much as I hate that. I learned to finally keep the lights on in the room I'm in to combat depression, and after finding that it truly works well (if you have depression, seriously, LIGHT THAT ROOM UP), if it's even SLIGHTLY darker without it, that ceiling light's going on. Then at night, Mom likes me to keep the living room light on so it looks like more people are home (it's for safety). Are you usually open to trying a new food that you aren’t familiar with? Nooooooo. Do you listen to Panic! At The Disco? I LAAAAAAAAAHV them! Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? "I’ve had sex dreams but they weren’t kinky." <<<<<<<<<< Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm? I have been craaaazy about Caleb Hyles covers lately. Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you couldn’t say it back? Yes. That's when I finally ended the "thing" with Joel, I think. If your Facebook status doesn’t get any likes/comments, does it bother you? If it's something I actually wrote instead of something I shared (which is almost exclusively what I do), I get really self-conscious and automatically embarrassed because my head screams "NOBODY CARES." Which friend do you confide in most? Easily Sara. Do you wear a cross? No. What is your opinion on Arby's? Ew. When you have your own kitchen, how will it be done? I don't know. Haven't really thought about it, and besides, I think it'd depend on the layout. What is your favorite doughnut? Glazed. Closely followed by classic/cake. Do you have a hot tub? If so, where is it located? HA bitch we're poor. Did you read the Twilight series, or jump on the bandwagon after the movie? Didn't read the books or watch the movies. What is your favorite party game? Mario Kart. Do you or your parents rake your yard? No. Were you pro-Obama? I was indifferent considering I didn't know enough about him. What is your favorite scent from Bath & Body Works? *shrugs* What was the last illegal thing you did? Downloaded music. Who did you last go to the movies with? Ummm... Mom, I think? What color was the last vehicle you were in? White. Do you have any family members in the military right now? No. Is there a ceiling fan in the room you’re in? No. When was the last time you wished time would move faster? Like... every day for a long, long time now. I just want to have a job or be in school. I want to make progress towards a successful future. I know that's an extremely unhealthy desire to want to zoom through each day, but it's hard to cherish every, identical day lately. Are there any owls in your room (as decor, of course)? No. Have you ever heard voices? Audibly? I don't think so. Do you believe in angels and demons? I don't really know. I know there's life after death, but like, I don't know if your soul is "categorized." Who is the worst neighbor you have ever had? I can't really get into that as I don't know the full story... Dad was good friends with them, but Mom got along with them too, and came divorce time, they turned evil to Mom. I don't know things that were said. Did your Barbies go on dates? I don't remember. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. She's the one who talked me through the revelation. Where did you meet your first crush? We went to the same school. Do you remember the first time your first crush ever said hi to you? No. Do you ever go places with wet hair? Yeah. Who is your favorite little girl? My niece. What do you want the most in life? Happiness. What is a decision you’ve made that changed your entire life? Letting Jason become everything. Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? I wonder quite a bit who I'd be if the breakup never happened. When you’re home alone, do you still shower with the bathroom door closed? No. Even when someone is home, I keep it cracked so it doesn't get so humid. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? Uhhhhh would any female not choose Amy Lee. What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? Metal, rock, indie. Where did you buy your dishes from? I have NO idea. We've had the same fancy-ish dishes my entire life. Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? In my lifetime, no. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought that turned out to be a waste of money? I have no clue. What’s something you’ve bought that turned out to be way more useful than you anticipated? I also don't know. Have you ever been on a ship? No, just boats. Do you ever take intentional breaks from checking/posting on social media? No. Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? David. Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? I'd have to think way too long on this. ACTUALLY. Maybe the Cheshire cat, off the top of my head. What’s a class you did not take in school, but now wish you had? None. Have you ever been to either of your parents’ workplaces? Yeah. What do you think of the ‘Healthy At Every Size’ movement/philosophy? ACTUALLY fuck off. Coming from someone who is overweight, get out of here with that shit. Don't normalize an unhealthy body. Have you ever been bitten so hard that their teeth marks were there after? Uh, other than in a sexual context, I don't think so, no. WAIT NO I bit my sister's back so hard as a kid that she bled, so probably. Ever been given a hickey? (Love bite) Well read above. Ever gave one? Yeah. Are you more of an outgoing type or shy type? I'm shy as fuck. Do you think it's weird if guys wear make-up like eyeliner? If you do think it is, I want nothing to do with your ass. It's 2019. Are you self conscious? If so what are you self conscious about? More than words can explain. My awkwardness, stuttering, lack of comfort with eye contact, and my body. Are you flirty at all? In certain instances with an s/o. Are you racist at all? No. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) It depends on the disability. With my own issues, I need to be able to handle theirs. If you found a baby randomly by itself what would you do? Call the police. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? If I was to have kids, I'd rather them be my own or wife's if I'm with a woman. But again, I don't want kids period. What would you class as cheating on someone? As soon as you're hiding shit regarding another person from your partner. Do you try to be politically correct? Only to a certain degree. What’s your favorite kind of sea critter? That's hard. I love seahorses, sea turtles, jellyfish, dolphins, whales... Have you ever tasted locally-made honey before? I don't think so. As far as earrings go, would you rather wear hoops or studs? Studs. Do you find P.E. humiliating, or think schools shouldn’t teach it? It wasn't humiliating, at least back then when I had a healthy body. I have mixed emotions about its mandatory status... Like, exercise should absolutely be encouraged, but P.E. classes tend to be entirely inflexible in regards to accommodating different people's limits and conditions. Do you recycle? Sadly no. We have to drive to the dump in order to, and Mom got tired of it. Are you interested in current world issues? Not even nearly as much as I should. Do you think you are mature, or immature? It depends on the situation. What kind of career are you interested in? It'd be great if I could survive just off of photography, but odds are I won't be able to. So I'm trying to go back to college and major in zoology to be an out-on-the-field zoologist. Do you own a pair of sunglasses? No. Do you use bobby pins, hair clips, or elastic hair ties? Which? None; my hair is really short. When it was long, I used hair ties. How badly do you get acne? (If at all) I don't anymore, just the occasional pimple usually around that time of the month. What’s the best way to cope with a breakup? YOU ARE ASKING THE WRONG PERSON. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? For those who don't know me thoroughly, I wouldn't be even remotely surprised if someone thought I was a lazy freeloader going nowhere. I feel like most people think that anyway because I'm going through hell to get a job, don't have friends, and am not back in school yet. How many text messages do you have in your inbox atm? No unread ones. When was the last time you had a difficult decision to make? Last week or so when I deeply debated on whether or not to get rid of Kaiju (my juvenile don't-touch-me iguana). In school, what subjects do/did you find the most difficult? Math and economics. Do you still speak to the person you had your first kiss with? No. Where did you meet the last person you swapped numbers with? I believe that was my VR coach? Who was the last person to add you as a friend on Facebook? My old high school friend Robert. This dude's working at NASA while I'm at home every day at my laptop. I'm an adult. Who was the last person that asked if you were okay? My mom. What does your handwriting look like? It's a mix of (mostly) cursive and print, and I'm usually told it's "too" fancy and hard to read. Do you use any products on your hair, other than shampoo and conditioner? No. Who were your best friends in primary school? Brianna, Kim, and Quiata. Do you still speak to any of them? No. What was the last thing you bought from a vending machine? Probably a drink. I don't remember the last time I used one. What color hair did your first crush have? Brown. What type of shoes do you find the most comfortable? Maybe Vans? Are you more masculine or feminine? Idk. If you could design your own mug, what would you put on it? Idk. Rainbow meerkat pawprints going up in a spiral around the cup? First thing that came to mind. What is the best beach you’ve been to? I've only been to two (I think), and I don't care enough about beaches or remember well enough to answer this. What is one thing you physically can’t do? There is no way in Heaven or Hell I could clean up vomit without hurling myself. Have you ever been to a funeral? Yes. Have you ever visited your state’s capitol building? No. Have you ever visited your nation’s capitol building? No. Do/did you have a favorite seat in church? No. What is your favorite park? Disney World, of course. Have you ever felt an earthquake? No. Do you chew gum regularly? No. Where did you go on your first train ride? N/A Do you know anyone with a dual citizenship? Most likely. What sports teams do you root for, if any? (Extra points for Boston fans.) None, really. I grew up automatically biased to the Carolina Hurricanes in hockey thanks to Dad, but I don't actually care. Do you dunk your cookies in milk? Oreos, preferably. Others, sometimes. What is something you are confident about? My knowledge of meerkats. Have you ever been physically addicted to a substance? What? I don't really know if this "counts" as it was the product of severe anxiety over vomiting, but in middle school, I would constantly think I was going to be sick and took one Peptobismol literally everyday at school, usually in I think second period when my anxiety was bad enough. It finally ended when we ran out and I had to go without it and I saw I was okay. I was so happy when that shit ended. How do you feel about needles? Eh. The feeling is obviously unpleasant, but they don't bother me much; not at all for tattoos. Getting shots or blood drawn is a bit more "ew" because of the needle's length. But anyway, in general, needles are okay. What is your favorite accent to listen to? Maybe French for women, British for men. Or British for both, idk. What was the reason you last got dressed up? Went job hunting with my VR coach. Have you ever been the subject of cruel rumors? Not really cruel, no. ^ What were they? N/A Do you prefer loose or form-fitting clothing? A bit loose. ^ What about on your preferred gender? I like both men and women, so. I tend to like more form-fitting on women and looser on men. Maybe. Idk actually. But pants. Give me skinny jeans on everyone. What do you do when you are really, really mad? Be WAY too impulsive about what comes out of my mouth. And I cry. Would you rather go naked than wear fur? Omfg don't do this. I guess wear fur. I hate my body too much. But I'd feel absolutely godawful. Do you put a line through your 7's? Yes. ^ What about your Z's? Yes. What is one thing that someone could do to you that is unforgivable? More than anything else, rape. Are you able to forgive and forget? It's rare I'm unable to forgive, but forget? Nope. Do you like cold pizza? Yeah. What is your favorite fruit? Strawberries. Kiwi, too. What about your favorite fruit juice, if it differs from solid fruit? Peach/mango mix. Do you like broccoli and cheese? Oh my god in Heaven, yes. What about potatoes and cheese? Yeah. Have you written a letter by hand, lately? To whom? Not lately. Toaster or toaster oven? I've only ever had a toaster oven. I like how you can see if something is starting to burn, anyway. What are you most known for? Likes meerkats more than she likes 99% of the human population. I keep my worship of Mark Fischfuckface on the down low irl so meerkats win overall. Do you have any reputations? What are they? I don't think so. Do you wear band shirts? Yeah. ^ What band was on the last one you wore? Uh... shit. I think Metallica? It's rare I have to put on "real" clothes now (yes, I stay in pjs all day bc I never leave the house), so idrk. Do you own any hats? Describe them. No. What about masks, you got any? Describe those. No. What was the last thing to leave you speechless? Watching the spire of the Cathedral collapse yesterday. That whole thing broke my heart. I know the serious valuables were saved, but still, there was so much damage to 800 years of incredible art and history. Do your parents like your friends? If they don’t, why not? I have like... one irl, serious friend. They both love him. Have you been called a bad influence? Yes. As if she wasn't an awful one. Describe your favorite pair of socks. They're covered in meerkats. :'D Thanks, big sister. Have you experienced any life-changing news, events, etc, lately? No. Have any self-done piercings? No, not doing that shit. I'm too serious about piercings being done well and in the most hygienic manner. Ever pierced someone else? No, for the same reasons as above. Do you get distracted easily? Holy shit, yes. Is talking to strangers enjoyable for you, or stressful? It's anxiety-inducing as hell. How do you feel about getting new neighbors? Idc. How many ceiling fans are in your home? None. Do you tweet your life away? I don't use it. How do you feel about shameless self promoting? Ever since actually trying to get out in the freelance photography world, I get it, as uncomfortable as it is. HOWEVER, there are absolutely places where doing it is inappropriate. When reading words. like. this. do. you always pause after the periods? Yeah. What about screaming when reading something IN ALL CAPS? Yeah.

[yoshimickster]

RWBY VOL 6 Episode 3 “The Lost Fable”-THE ULTIMATE ORIGIN OF ULTIMATE DARKNESS-Recap

HEY EVERYBODY-how’s you’re day going? My computer blue-screened RIGHT BEFORE I could hit save so I’m gonna redo the WHOLE thing. Remember to save folks. EITHER WEITHER-let’s get to Mickster Recap!

The episode starts out with BACKSTORY TIME-where its revealed Salem was a princess locked away in a castle by her cruel father during the good old days, where the only thing keeping her busy is manipulating arcane magic.

2:07 Salem: *SIGH* What good is being able to shoot energy blasts if there’s no bad guy to blast them with?!

BUT LUCKILY-a HERO arrives on the scene-TO RESCUE THE FAIR DAMSEL-and his NAME-

-was OZ...ma. Ozma was his name...does he just happen to reincarnate into anyone with the syllable “oz” or “ma” in their name? THAT is a weird rule.

ALSO-look at confused as fuck Qrow here, he’s all “Uh...hi.” OH-he’s gonna drink himself into a coma after all of this is done.

BUT-not only does Ozma BRAVE the evil forces of the castle to reach Salem for ONLY pure motives(Jinn said so so its true)-HE ALSO-

2:49 LET’S SALEM IN ON THE BLASTING-like a TRUE gentleman!

The act of kindness of giving her her freedom, and Salem...just being Salem, cause the two to FALL in love!

3:13 ....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand kiss! KISS! KISS DAMMIT! Seriously, what IS IT with this show and its “No-kissing” policy, its WEIRD.

Either weither, Salem and Ozma go off on LOADS of adventures-UNTIL-

3:36-when Ozma got sick with a FATAL case of “Unnamed TV disease”. CURSE YOU UNNAMED TV DISEASE-you’ve taken FAR too many lives!

Salem in her grief decides to seek out the god of Light and Creation in the LAND of light(what is this Homestuck?)to bring him back to life-AND-

4:38 -it is DOWNRIGHT beautiful, obviously inspired by Japanese scenery and it just WORKS. SHAME this is where the doom of man kind came to begin.

The god of light than reveals himself to Salem, WHO REVEALS HIMSELF TO BE-

4:51 ANTLER JESUS-a WEIRD mix of Japanese deer spirits, and as I’ve said-JESUS-

-SEE?! Water-walking, full package.

Antler Jesus than gives Salem the same spiel we’ve heard about ressurecting the dead we’ve heard a million times, gotta respect the balance what-not, bla bla bla-GIVE HER BACK HER HUSBAND YOU MONSTER!

BUT-ol’ Mr.Light rose petals her away telling her to let it go, but ain’t NOTHIN’ gon’ stop her from getting her man back, so its time to make a DEAL with the devil in REMNANT HELL-

-which is also in its own way VERY beautiful, nice use of dark colors and purple, kinda looks like Cybertron when it was infected by Dark Energon!

Salem’s here to seek  out the God of Darkness, whom after seeing Antler Jesus’ striking albeit minimalist god form, I’M SURE-the god of Darkness’ form isn’t utterly creep-

6:20 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND welcome to your nightmares for the next few months folks, Purple Satan is here and he is HERE FOR YOUR SOUL!

Salem then asks Mauvisto(Get it, like Mephisto but with Mauve?) to bring back Ozma, ALL while not bringing up that she asked Antlers first. The dark being agrees because he’s just SO happy someone is giving him praise for once, why does his BROTHER get all the praise JUST because he didn’t create a race of empathic eldritch beasts whose only purpose is to cause as much misery and destruction as possible? Un-GRATE-ful is what those humans are!

Purple Haze than brings back Ozma-WITH-

6:57 THE POWER OF PURPLE! PRAISE HIS GRAPELY EMINENCE! 

After Oz has a BRIEF freak-out over no longer being in the land of the dead-GUESS WHO SHOWS UP?!

*CRACKA BOOM*

7:12

Mauvisto: OKAY EVERYONE-party’s over, AJ’s gonna kill it with ANOTHER of his lectures.

AntlerJesus: Don’t you give me that tone.

Mauvisto: WHATEVER YOU’RE NOT EVEN MY DAD-GAH!

I joke, but that is BASICALLY how it went down.

AJ than rose-petals away Ozma to preserve order-

Oz:...S...Salem...I don’t feel so good.

Seriously y’all, I BETTER see some Thanos memes from this episode.

BUT-the elder brother forgets the younger brother still has the POWER OF PURPLE!

PRAISE TO THE PURPLE! Either way, Mauvisto is NOT happy about that which starts-

8:19 A DRAGON FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT-or does it?!

ACTUALLY no, AJ tells Mauvisto that Salem went to HIM first, and after he told her he wouldn’t resurrect her hubby, she tryed to manipulate him into going behind AJ’s back. Mauvey than apologizes to his best bro the BEST way possible...WITH A PURPLE DEATH BLAST!

8:48

The Purple giveth, and the purple taketh away.

Salem is NOT happy about this, and EVEN tries to THREATEN the god’s with her magic-BUT-AntlerJesus than gives her a chance to cool off by-

9:15 ...drowning her from a million miles in the air. MAN-the Super God Bros don’t fuck a-ROUND do they?

9:26 ACTUALLY no, by dunking her in the pool of light, the Gods curse her with immortality, unable to see her sweet Baboo Ozma EVER again, and will only die once she accepts the importance of life and death. 

Salem than does the most logical thing after being cursed by two immortal beings who think cursing someone with immortality is a COMPLETELY rational response to wasting like...WHAT five minutes of their time, AND RALLIES AN ARMY to take on the gods!

11:24 It should also be noted that this army...and all of humanity are just TWO WEEKS from retirement!

The army than BLASTS Mauvisto, with a beautiful display of firework-I MEAN-magic attacks-

11:56 I’m just gonna assume since it was the old days, people weren’t as creative with magic as they could be. BUT-because Mauvisto is a friggin’ GOD-

-he PURPLIZES all the magic into one handy dandy ball! What the hell CAN’T purple do?!

Either way, as an ancient omnipotent being, I’M SURE he’ll give them all a just and fair punishm-

12:12...OR just nuke everyone, whatever works for you Satanic Purple Beerus!

Salem of course due to her immortality is NOT ONLY the only one in her army to survive the blast, but ALSO the only HUMAN who survived the blast! GEEZE-Mauvisto, ain’t that a little harsh? I get it, you hate Salem, but what did all those side-characters who DIDN’T go against you do? BUT-enough about that-NAME ORIGIN TIME-

12:51 AntlerDragon: This planet, was a beautiful experiment, but it is merely a Remnant of what it once was. 

DAH-they said the name of the continent-HUZZAH!

Either way, both bros decide to leave the planet to create OTHER Avatar meets Soul Eater meets X-men meets Harry Potter worlds. AJ leaves in a BEAUTIFUL yellow mist-

13:08

While Mauvisto leaves in the most OVER THE TOP way he POSSIBLY could.

Mauvisto: SUCK IT SHORTY!

13:21 HUH-guess Atlas Arcadium Rex DIDN’T destroy the moon from Rwby. Sorry folks, your shared universe headcanon is DEAD! DEAD!

13:41 Salem than takes a GOOD long walk throughout ALL of the planet now named Remnant, until after an ETERNITY of walking decides she deserves a GOOD soak!

14:04 IN the God of Darkness’s POOL of darkness! MMM-look at those bubbles, bet they’re NICE and warm!

But seriously, after EONS of roaming the Earth alone, she figures that since the fountain of life gave her eternal life, the pools of Grimm with finally kill her, ending her suffering...but we WEREN’T all so lucky were we?

INSTEAD-the pool recreates her from a being of infinite life, to a being of infinite life who wants PURE destruction!

14:33 DAMN she looks scary, and that’s not even her FINAL form!

A THEN CUT TO-

14:43

OZMA-having himself a NICE nap in the eternal void of nothingness! Honestly if I died, brought back to life, killed, brought back to life, and then killed a SECOND time I’d want one hell of a nap as well.

BUT-for realsies, AntlerJesus pulls Ozma into a void between worlds to curse him for all eternity to fight his now corrupted wife-I MEAN-give him a chance to return to the land of the living! Yeah...THAT! Where APPARENTLY humans will come back again in time...presumably...NOT made by the god of creation? SO...is this a world where humans are made by gods...OR evolution? HUH-well if THAT ain’t a neat bit of science-fantasy!

15:56

Its ALSO here where we learn what happens when all four relics are brought together, that they’ll summon BOTH god brothers back to Remnant and judge humanity. If they’s chill, its ALL good, but if they AIN’T chill-BYE BYE REMNANT!

Either way, despite hearing his honey Salem won’t be the same anymore, OZMA accepts and REINCARNATES INTO-

17:40 THIS GUY...whose name iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis?

18:01

Oz?: GRIMM STAB!

QUIT DODGING THE QUESTION YOU-what’s your name?!

Rando: Thank you! Please, tell me your name, who are you?

SEE-he’s got the right ideal-TELL US DAMN YOU!

18:17 Oscar:...he didn’t know.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH that sucks. I’m not sure if it means he over-wrote his host’s memories or what, either way the reaction on Oz’s face says it all.

AFTER the Grimm attack, Unnamed Ozma reincarnation takes a page out of his lady’s book and GOES on a walk, where he sees the world has CHANGED completely!

With LACKLUSTER architecture-

-enSLAVEment of the new Faunus race and WORST of all-

18:33 -PEOPLE HAD TO USE DUST INSTEAD OF MAGIC!

Blake:...why wasn’t my people’s early enslavement not saved for last? Like it was only the SECOND worst thing?

Jinn: Look I just put it in order of what he saw okay, gimme a break!

Turns out, only Ozma2 and a MYSTERIOUS woman known only as “The Witch” could do magic, WHERE SHE IS FOUND-

18:41 In this GHETTO ass shack! COME ON SALEM-you’re immortal, you seriously tryna tell me you don’t got time to make a nicer house?!

Ozma2 than logically assumes the witch is Salem and goes to see what she has become, AND IT IS REVEALED-

Ozma2:(OH NO SHE’S HOT!)

19:27 AND it turns out that both of them recognize each other-CAUSE THAT’S THE POWER OF LOVE!

Salem and Ozma than tell each other all the CRAZY shenanigans that have been going down in their lives while hiding their SECRET backstories-WHILE THEY ALSO-

19:40 -FINALLY fix up that old shack! Fixed up the windows, got a deck table and chairs, re-varnished the wood, if THAT don’t help out property values I don’t know WHAT will!

Also during their convo Salem fearing Ozma would hate her, blamed the end of the world SOLELY on the gods...well...I mean TECHNICALLY it was, she raised only ONE small army against the gods, and instead of punishing JUST those humans they killed EVERYBAH-I feel she could be honest.

The days went by, Salem and Ozma enjoyed their happy lives, having logically an INFINITE amount of sex, until one day SALEM SAID(paraphrased)

20:18 

Salem: Okay hear me out, WHAT IF-we act like gods, and be the NEW AntlerJesus and Mauvisto?!

Ozma:...okay I am SO sure that won’t work but I am INSANELY attracted to you so LET’S DO IT!

21:07 SO it appears they live on as gods and nothing else crazy happe-

21:33...bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbby MAIDENS! THE FOUR MAIDENS WERE THE DAUGHTERS OF OZMA AND SALEM! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY god damned shit-THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING-probably, for all we know Oz gave four COMPLETELY DIFFERENT young girls magical powers. But enough about that-

21:38 LOOK AT THEM! LOOK AT HOW LOVING THEY LOOK! CURSE YOU ANTLER JESUS AND MAUVISTO-the world is FUCKED because you refused to let my new OTP be HAPPY!

But sadly, all good things must come to an end, as during their plans Ozma has second thoughts on their quest to reshape the world given the destruction they cause, which PROMPTS Oz-

22:02 -to start, with the maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan in the mirror (OH YEAH) and he’s asking him to chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaange his ways(COME ON CHANGE)!

But for realsies, he then remembers the great quest the god of light gave him-BUT THEN-

22:21 DAW-baby’s first use of the dark arts!

HRNGH-LOOK AT HER! LOOK AT HOW PROUD SHE IS OF HER BABY GIRL! DAMMIT SALEM-you’re supposed to be the evil Sorceress Supreme, you have NO business looking adorable!

SO-I guess they go their magic powers from their parents, I wander what else they go-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHAT IF-Oz’s daughters didn’t just inherit their magic...BUT ALSO-Oz’s CURSE to forever reincarnate across the Earth like he did?! THAT’S WHY THEIR CONNECTED TO THE FOUR RELICS-probably, like I said there’s still the possibility of the story still be being true-HELL-maybe the maiden spell merged the four girls souls with those of his daughters?

AFTER the adorablenes, Ozma FINALLY decides to be an honest husband for once and tells Salem of the four relics and the judgement day that would occur if they were ever brought together, which Salem basically responds with-

22:51 Salem: You know what?! Let’s take the relics and make our OWN human race, with BLACKJACK! AND HOOKERS! And you know what? FORGET THE HUMAN RACE! KILL ALL HUMANS!

Yes, I am now headcanoning Salem as witch Bender from now all on-TRY AND STOP ME!

This logically upsets Oz, so he decides to calmly and rationally talk with his wife-

...OR take the kids and run without telling her only to get caught, because LORD KNOWS he couldn’t just get a marriage counselor to talk about their problems...seriously, this was ye olden times, the concept probably wasn’t invented yet.

22:34And sadly, it appears this is where everything ended between Ozma and Salem-

23:42 LITERALLY EVEN-everything between them in the castle has been destroyed! INCLUDING-

...don’t...don’t make me make a joke about this sub-conscious...tis too sad.

The battle/divorce ends with Salem winning RIGHT before saying this-

23:58 “...we finally...had freedom.”

AND...there’s TWO ways to look at that. That either A.) With the knowledge of the god’s relics, they could do the same thing the god’s did but without their rules or the metaphorical outlook B.) They were free BEFORE Oz told her about the relics...because than the god’s power wouldn’t keep controlling their lives. The latter I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean but to me...I think that’s true.

Salem than finally takes out Ozma2-

-with a Super SMASH bros meme no less! Don’t lie, you know who you are Gifmakers, AND YOU DISGUST ME! PERISH IN FLAMES!

After this, Oz takes the break up PRETTY badly-

24:10 -going on sad graveyard walks-

24:17 Drinking near paintings of empty liquor bottles.

24:21 ULTIMATELY getting out of his funk when he reincarnates as a nice swarthy individual and a bad ass new cane!

Even finally starts dating again and settles down with this nice lady, WAY TO GET BACK ON THAT HORSE BUDDY! BUT-just like in real life, the evidence of his ex STILL haunted his life-

24:37 In the form of monster raids no less! That’s break-up aftermath for ya.

Oz than realizes he has to bury the ex(literally) and goes out to find the FOUR RELICS-

25:00 ...in his next life as a hipster for some reason! Cleh, he’s an immortal soul-symbiote, he has time. 

He seeks out knowledge first and asks her where the other relics are, what could they do, and how could he kill Salem(in that order)? The first two answers we don’t know...but the THIRD one one we do-

Jinn: You can’t.

And the episode ends-

-with Oscarpin giving himself a good sit in despair.

So...yeah...HOLY SHIT-there’s a lot to take away here! For ONE-its interesting noting how tragic a villain Salem was, and how Oz spent so much time avoiding his fate because he just wanted to be with the woman he loved. FURTHERMORE-its neat how Salem is now like, Lord Garmadon in that destructive impulses BURN through her veins...but also like Lord Garmadon, she was still able to love. Sadly though...her worse impulses got the best of her, and now she has nothing to do but move forward and Thanos the planet, because there is NO going back to the good old days.

I’m Yoshimickster, and this was Micksterecap, and I hope your lives are filled with joy and happiness, and that you don’t become the toys of fate. Thank you, and have a pleasant night.

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[littlemisssquiggles]

RWBY Remarks: ‘Little Cute Boy Ozpin’ AU. What would the story have been like if Ozpin was reincarnated as a 14-year-old boy but was still his own character?

greenfablesinverness replied to your post “AU Where Oscar only went to Mistral cause his uncle Ozpin had written...”

That “Ozpin was originally a de-aged Oscar” actually makes a lot of sense looking back at the beginning of the series. I think this was the original idea, but after Monty died Miles and Kerry felt too uncomfortable since BAM, this is Ruby’s love interest, and it might come off as creepy, so Oscar became a totally knew character entirely.

Squiggles Answers:

Hmm, makes sense. However even if that were true and the original story was for Ozpin to be reincarnated as a teenager after death without Oscar as part of his story, I don’t think the original intention by the CRWBY Writers and the show creator would’ve been to make Ozpin Ruby’s potential love interest. If anything, it makes more sense if the intention was to have Ozpin still be his own character after rebirth and have Ruby gain her love interest as a new character with or without it tying into Ozpin’s story.

As a matter of fact, y’know what? They could have easily done both. Did you know that the CRWBY Writers could have still given us the same Ozpin-reincarnation storyline being intertwined with Oscar’s without having to make them share a body? Let me explain how.

Oz the Kid

Just have Ozpin reincarnate as a young 13-14 year old boy with amnesia to be found in Mistral on the outskirts of the Pine Family farm where he’s discovered by a young Oscar Pine.

Instead of Oscar being inspired by Dorothy Hale from the Wizard of Oz, imagine if… our veteran farm boy was based off of the woodsman who saved Red Riding Hood from the Big Bad Wolf. That could’ve been a nice way to tie Oscar to Ruby’s character which could’ve additionally been used to foreshadow their potential relationship.

Instead of Oscar being Ozpin’s newest form and successor, he could’ve been the old wizard’s young protector. Just as how the woodsman saved Little Red Riding Hood, Oscar could’ve saved a reincarnated young Ozpin and that’s how the two could’ve met. Humour me to rewrite Oscar and Ozpin’s story a wee bit.

Imagine an AU where instead Ozpin’s curse was that he returns as a teenaged boy with no memory of his past self and it was the purpose of the members of his Inner Circle to find and train him back to his former self. This would explain why Qrow had Ozpin’s cane. He was the scout. The proverbial eyes in the sky whose primary responsibility was to search and find the missing Ozpin in the event of reincarnation.

Speaking of Qrow Branwen, what I found odd about V5 is that in the scene where Oscar meets RNJR for the first time after helping a happily drunk Qrow back to their residence in Mistral, Qrow kept muttering that he found Ozpin. As if he had been searching for him since his death. While this provided us with a comical scene and cute introduction into the group finally meeting Oscar, in the context of continuity from V4, it doesn’t really add up.

Back in V4, Qrow was never actually shown searching for Ozpin. He’d been following RNJR since the end of V3. If Qrow had been looking for Oz the entire time during his side of the story for V4 but then later deviates from his duty to Oz after learning that RNJR was being hunted by Tyrian Callows; then that would have made more sense. Not to mention that it would have tied into the joke in V5 a lot cleaner, right?

I know it’s meant to be one of those gags where a character claims to have fulfilled a task that the audience knew they never accomplished. Y’know like that ‘My job here is done’ meme with Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask.

Nonetheless, that was one nit-pick for me with the writing for V5 because it’s a joke played for laughs that can just as easily double as a small  plot hole. But then again, this is just me.

Back to my AU: in this version of the story, let’s say Oscar is 16-years-old instead of the titular 14. Still young but this time he’s the exact same age as Ruby instead of the two being two years ago---thus killing any potential arguments surrounding the two year age difference.

Oscar’s original background story could still be kept. I do like the concept of Oscar Pine being a 16-year-old farm bred boy who lived in the nowhere of Anima on the outskirts of the Kingdom of Mistral alone with his aunt on their family farm. In my version of the story, Oscar actually has ties to huntsman that he’s fully aware of. His parents were huntsman who once fought bravely for their kingdom but died in the line of duty years prior to the story. This left a young Oscar in the care of his widowed aunt who raised him for another half of his life and who he came to love like a second mother. 

In this AU, Oscar was originally meant to go off to Haven Academy. He had even already excelled at combat school and had passed the entrance exam qualifying him as a student. His aunt was very proud of him when she heard the news as much as he was. Oscar had always wanted to be a huntsman following in his parents’ footsteps to become a hero. However a week before Oscar was meant to depart for Mistral, his aunt suddenly fell very ill. 

Though the neighbourhood doctors did their best to help, in the end, Oscar’s aunt was diagnosed with an illness that rendered her bedridden and too weak to take care of herself. Since she had no one else to look after her, Oscar decided to abandon Haven. 

Though it would mean giving up on his dream, it was a sacrifice the young lad was willing to make for the woman who loved him like he was her own son. Oscar felt morally obligated to look after his aunt even if it meant living the rest of his life taking care of her if he needed too.

Though his aunt was content on having him care for her over a random stranger, that didn’t stop her from feeling remorseful over forcing her own nephew to abandon his own life for hers and the guilt hindered her more than her disease did.

But no matter how many times his aunt used to incline that Oscar move on with his life and not worry about her, the boy would stubbornly ignore her wishes and chose to stay by her side. She needed him and in that moment, Oscar needed to care for her.

Even if it meant spending the rest of his life as a farmhand in Mistral, it was a choice Oscar would willing make for his family because at the end of the day, she was all he had and that was all that mattered to him.

But Oscar’s quite life took another sharp change when, one day, while tending to the farm like he usually did on mornings, he heard a sudden strange noise come from the woods outside the farm. Thinking it might be another one of those occasional small Grimm that liked to wander onto his family property from time to time, Oscar quickly grabbed the axe he had planned on using to chop some wood for his aunt and ran straight towards the outskirts in the direction of the noise.

To Oscar’s surprise, his discovery was not what he was expecting. Wondering the woods alone outside the farm was a young boy. His hair was as silver as starlight and to make the situation more awkward, the boy was also found naked as he was born. The lad couldn’t have been older than fourteen years old though he was rather small and lanky for his age. The minute Oscar called out to the kid; he suddenly keeled over and fainted into Oscar’s arms.

This boy is in fact the reborn Professor Ozpin back as a young boy. However if the story was to be played out like an episode then it would have ended on a cliff-hanger with the audience not knowing the true identity of this young boy who happened to cross Oscar’s path.

The next time the story picks back up, Oscar is forced to care for this young stranger who doesn’t have any recollection of who he is and where he came from.

When Oscar probed the young child with the obvious questions---Where did he come from? How did he end up near his farm? What’s his name?

The only thing Ozpin could tell Oscar, at least the part that made sense to the young farm boy, is that he is Ozpin. Anything else and he would get this pained look on his face as if trying to remember something important. After staying a couple of days on the Pine Family’s farm, young Ozpin eventually regains some of his memories and is able to tell Oscar that he needs to go to Mistral; saying that he has a ‘friend’ over there who could help him.

But his memories come in spasms. One minute he’s an inkling of his old self, remembering important details that he’s able to relate to Oscar. Of course none of it makes sense to Oscar but at least Ozpin is able to tell him. However when Oscar would ask Ozpin to make sense of everything he told him, he would then revert back to the other side. The side of him that was basically a helpless young boy, lost and confused.

Oscar tries to convince Ozpin to stay with him and his aunt on the farm until they could figure out a way to help him get back to where he came from. However, when he’s lucid, Ozpin kept insisting that he needed to leave for to Mistral immediately.

In my AU, Ozpin’s reincarnation suffered some complications.

Let’s say…each time Ozpin reincarnates, in order for the process to work successfully; meaning for him to come back younger but with all of his memories intact, it requires a lot of magic.

Let’s say, Ozpin depleted a lot of his magic during his last stand against Fall Maiden Cinder. As a result, this fight left him with less magic than he needed to reincarnate successfully. So his rebirth was botched.

Despite successfully returning in his adolescent form, his mind and memories became as shattered as a jigsaw puzzle.

Imagine…the Professor Ozpin we all know only with the short term memory akin to Dory from Finding Nemo. Rather than being whole, this new Ozpin is almost like two minds in one. One mind is Ozpin himself---he knows who he is and is quite coherent enough to recount his countless eons of memories.

But on the other mind, he is just a helpless little boy, frightened, confused 200% of the time and needing someone to care for him while also recounting whatever actions his ‘other self’ does---the total opposite of the man we all know Ozpin to be.

And to make matters worse, it doesn’t help that this new younger Ozpin often slips in and out of both personalities. One minute he could be recounting important info that could be helpful to the given scenario and the next minute, he’s like a naive toddler unable to remember anything.

Ozpin has always been portrayed as the man with all the answers. So can you imagine how daunting it would be especially for all the characters who believe in his wisdom like Qrow if the man with all the answers returned as a crippled version of himself unable to help anyone because his mind is too fragmented from his failed rebirth process?

I like this idea because it gives a new perspective of Ozpin while also presenting a new purpose to Oscar Pine.

Y’see in this version of the story, instead of Oscar being Ozpin’s successor and the two being forced to share a body; Oscar would unintentionally be drafted in as a member of Ozpin’s Inner Circle tasked with protecting him during times of reincarnation. Oscar essentially becomes Ozpin’s guardian---his protector as the two journey toward Mistral to rendezvous with one of Ozpin’s allies.

And this time, when Oscar leaves home to go with Ozpin to Mistral where he would also start being trained to become a huntsmen, it’s his choice and something he wanted to do from the start before he met Ozpin.  

If the CRWBY Writers wanted a way to reincarnate Ozpin, have him come back young while still making Oscar his own person, they could have done it like that. But for now, I guess it’ll make for a pretty cool AU.

 As to why Ozpin would reincarnate in Mistral near Oscar’s home of all places, lemme hit you with a solid explanation using some canon evidence. Remember the World of Remnant episode on the Four Maidens? Remember the old wizard who lived like a hermit in the middle of the nowhere?

Though it was never confirmed if the hermit lived in Mistral per say, for the sake of this AU of mine, let’s say whenever Ozpin died he had a tendency to respawn near common areas his past lives once resided in. So let’s say Oscar’s family farm was built over the same property that was once the land of Ozpin’s predecessor---the old hermit wizard and creator of the Four Maidens.

Though it was never confirmed if the hermit lived in Mistral per say, for the sake of this AU of mine, let’s say whenever Ozpin died he had a tendency to respawn near common areas his past lives once resided in. So let’s say Oscar’s family farm was built over the same property that was once the land of Ozpin’s predecessor---the old hermit wizard and creator of the Four Maidens.

That’s sounds like a cool way to tie Oscar to one of Ozpin’s previous lives and it can even work in the canon AU. But for now, let’s leave it like a cool idea.

The Wizard and the Farm Boy

Imagine…in this AU of mine, Ozpin living with Oscar and Auntie Pine for a short time---probably a couple of weeks giving him enough time to regain some of his more important memories while growing close to the Mistralian farm folk a lot better.

Imagine if…during this time, Ozpin shared a small private talk with Auntie Pine. Going to sound heart-wrenching but the concept I had is that in this AU, Ozpin met Oscar around the time his sick aunt was on her last days.

In her final moment, while Oscar was outside tending to the farm as always, Auntie Pine called Ozpin to her bedside and asked him for a small favour to an elderly woman. At that time he was himself and not his other ‘child-like’ persona who had been christened ‘Ozzy’ by Oscar; just so that he could tell the two minds apart. Auntie Pine beckoned Ozpin to help her write a letter. A letter that she wanted him to give to Oscar.

While Ozpin is helping Auntie Pine, at some point, she turns weakly to the old wizard and lets the truth slip to him about her little condition. I imagined their conversation would go something like this:

Auntie Pine: …I’m sure you’ve noticed but I’m not a well woman. In fact, I’m dying. Have been for some time now and that’s the cold, hard truth, plain as day. And…I don’t think I have much time left.

Ozpin: …I’m…sorry. I---Does Oscar…

Auntie Pine: ---No. I’ve been…trying to think of a more…delicate way to break the news to him for months. It’s hard…not to mention exhausting trying to tell the truth to someone who only wants to hear the good version of the truth all the time. He…used to listen to me y’know. But ever since I got sick, I feel like he listens more to my illness than me. Sounds crazy, right? He’s always been the stubborn type. Just like his father. But he’s got a big heart. He’s…a good boy and he’s…going to make an amazing huntsman one day. Probably one of the best this world has ever seen. But he can’t do that so long as I’m here…holding him back. And I’m ready to go. Heavens, I’ve been preparing to go for a very long time. But I’m worried…no…I’m afraid that if I go now, it might…break him. And I don’t want him to break. I saved him from that the first time after his parents died so…the last thing I want is to be the one responsible for him falling apart…

Ozpin: …Ms Pine…

Auntie Pine: ---Call me Emma, please. You don’t have to be so formal.

Ozpin: …Emma, you should…talk to Oscar.

Auntie Pine: …I told you. He won’t listen to me. But he will listen… to you. I know he’ll listen to you. I’ve heard your talks when Oscar thinks I’m just sleeping. *chuckles* For some strange reason, even with all your crazy talk about magic…and maidens…and people coming back to life and going to the city…he listens to you. Ozpin, I know we haven’t known each other for that long…and I know I have no business asking any personal favours of you. But…you seem like a real level headed young man or…old man, whichever one you prefer. Can you aid an old woman with her final request? Promise me that no matter what happens, you won’t let my Oscar fall apart. It’s a lot to ask of a stranger but I like to believe you ended up here with us for a reason…a good reason. One that could change Oscar’s life for the better and give him more than I ever could. So please…I…beg you…please…promise me…

Ozpin: …I…have made more mistakes than any man, woman and child on this planet. I’ve made many promises that I have failed countless of times to uphold. However, in all my lifetimes, this is one promise I swear I’ll do my hardest to keep.

Auntie Pine: *smiling weakly* …You’re a good person Ozpin. I don’t know…what kind of skeletons you have in your closet. But I’ve always prided myself on being a good judge of character. Only a good person would make a promise to a dying woman and shed tears real enough to prove that he’s at least going to try to keep that promise so…thank you…

At this point, Auntie Pine extends a frail finger to touch Ozpin’s cheek as a single tear trailed down his cheek. Ozpin is stunned; not just by the old woman’s gesture but by his own reaction to his emotions. So instead, all he could muster is a silent nod all the while Auntie Pine is beaming at him through a pale face of smiles. Auntie Pine: Tell me…Ozpin…you’ve died before right? Does it…does it get any better…in the afterlife?

Ozpin: …I…I wouldn’t know…but for your sake, I truly hope it does.

Once again, Auntie Pine flashes Ozpin a fragile but contented smile and the old wizard felt his shoulders quake as he finally gave into his own tears.

Auntie Pine: …I think…I think I’m ready to see Oscar now…Can you…can you call him…for me please?

So Auntie Pine passes away after giving her final goodbyes to her beloved nephew. The death, of course, did exactly what Auntie Pine warned Ozpin would happen. It broke Oscar; to the point that he fell into a state of depression. As Oscar once disclosed to Ozpin during his stay, he had no other family. A lot of his past neighbours were either elderly folk who passed away or families who uprooted and moved to the main city. Oscar and his aunt were the only two left from the old neighbourhood. So when it came time for Oscar to bury his aunt, it was to an audience of only Ozpin.

Everyone else was gone. He had no one and for the first time since his parents’ departure, Oscar felt more alone than he ever did in his entire life and the feeling of loneliness devastated him more than the grief.  

At this point, Ozpin had stayed in the Pine residence for a little over two months and he was beginning to turn anxious. He had hoped Qrow would’ve found him by then. However since he didn’t, the old wizard figured something grim must’ve befallen the Branwen man (let’s say this was around the time Qrow had discovered Tyrian Callows was hunting RNJR and had diverted from his search for Oz in order to protect his family and her friends; leading to Qrow getting poisoned and…y’know the rest). This increased Ozpin’s urgency to get to the main kingdom.

Since Qrow hadn’t found him as originally planned, Ozpin had no choice but to journey to Mistral on his own. At least by then, he could rendezvous with the sole Mistral representative in his Inner Circle: Leonardo Lionheart and the two could’ve figured out a way to get in contact with Qrow.

Unfortunately, Ozpin had a problem. Two problems in fact. One, he needed someone to be his guide. Because of his botched rebirth, his memories of how to traverse Mistral were not the best. Not to mention that he wasn’t quite familiar with Oscar’s side of Anima. In this AU, let’s say getting to the train station shown in V4 was a much more perilous trip than what we got for the main series canon.

His only hope was gaining Oscar’s aid in journeying to the nearest train station that would then take them to the Kingdom. This led him to his second problem. Ozpin…did not want to leave Oscar by himself. He couldn’t. Not after the young boy and his family had taken him in the way they did and especially not after what he promised Auntie Pine.

It was then Ozpin made a decision. He was going to take Oscar to Mistral with him. Kill two birds with one stone. That way, Oscar could help him get to the city and Ozpin can keep a watchful eye over the young farm boy. Sounds simple, right?

The only problem was…Oscar refused to go. He just…wanted to remain on the land where his family was buried. Maybe become a hermit left alone to his grievances. It was then when Ozpin saw a connection between himself and Oscar

He was once this same way.

Remember when I said in this AU, Ozpin respawned near the Pine Family Farm because coincidentally the property was the same soil he once lived on alone as a hermit before he met the Maidens?

I like story ideas that in hindsight add up perfectly together. So perhaps this is a nice way to highlight a connection between Oscar and Ozpin for this AU.

I like this idea because I can imagine Ozpin hitting Oscar with the trademark RWBY questions: ‘What’s your favourite fairy tale?’ before telling him the famous The Four Maidens fairy-tale we know of. The twist is that Ozpin would reveal to Oscar that, of course, the fairy tale is true; explaining that the old wizard from the story was him in a past life. Ozpin would admit to Oscar that once upon a time, he too shared his same sentiments of wanting to live alone and isolated from the outside world; believing that a life of solitude was the only purpose left for existence after losing everything he loved.

But it was the kindness of four strangers that ultimately reminded Ozpin of how much more beauty and wonder existed beyond his walls. How his life wasn’t over yet. That he still had a second chance to start anew. Ozpin told Oscar this story in hopes that it would stir him to his senses. Convince him to be his companion on his quest.

It did not unfortunately. Despite his pleas, Oscar still stubbornly refused. This left Ozpin with no choice.

Not wanting to force Oscar to come with him especially in his time of grief, Ozpin solemnly decides to leave him behind and venture on his own. Before leaving, Ozpin gives Oscar the letter Auntie Pine had made him record her final words to Oscar. Of course, Oscar is still acting stubborn and doesn’t even want to read the letter. At this point, Ozpin is out of options and out of time. So he leaves Oscar and begins his own journey.

But as I mentioned earlier, in this AU, Ozpin isn’t familiar with traversing Oscar’s neck of Anima. So even though he left the Pine farm days ago, he eventually got himself lost and ended up wandering aimlessly through the woods for some time. This also led to Ozpin running into the local Grimm inhabiting the area which was a pack of hungry Beowolves. Though Ozpin did his best to combat the ferocious creatures, the old wizard’s luck unfortunately ran out when he reverted to Ozzy in the heat of danger, rendering himself incapable of defend himself further.

To make a long story short, Ozzy is soon rescued by Oscar, much to the child’s surprise. The young farm boy came to Ozzy’s aid wielding a weaponized battle axe which doubled as a Brunswick rifle. I like that as Oscar’s signature weapon in this AU since I talked about it before. Fusing the weapon with fire dust, Oscar torched any oncoming Beowolves attempting to harm Ozzy while sending the others fleeing in a blazing trail of panic.

To make it funny, Ozzy questions Oscar on how he knew where to find him after leaving days ago only for Oscar to respond that since he grew up in the area for most of his life, he knew the woods like the back of his hand so finding Ozpin wasn’t a problem especially since the old wizard had gotten himself lost and had actually been walking in circles for the past few days, much to Ozzy’s embarrassment.

Ozzy then questions Oscar of what made him change his mind about finding him. That’s when Oscar shows Ozpin the letter his aunt had left for him. The teenager apologizes to the old wizard for his behaviour before announcing that he had made up his mind to help him get to Mistral. His Pine pride wouldn’t allow him to allow such a, quote, ‘helpless child’ to wander the dangerous woods all alone even if said child is also a reincarnated 1000+ year old wizard. After all, it was the right thing to do and it’s what Oscar’s Aunt would have wanted him to do.

Despite the initial slip up, Ozpin was more than relieved to have Oscar accompany him. So with that, the two set off towards Mistral together.

 In this AU, part of the story is dedicated to Oscar and Ozpin going through their own journey towards Mistral just like Team RNJR. It isn’t just Ozpin spending time trying to convince Oscar to leave for Mistral before boarding the easy train.

One critique of V4 I’ve seen is the disappointment fans shared about Team RNJR having to make the long journey towards Mistral while all Oscar and Ozpin had to do was hop a train. Never mind that Oscar coincidentally lived within close proximity to a working train station that could instantaneously take him directly to the kingdom citadel.

And never mind that he also coincidentally got through with it despite having no money and needing Hazel Rainart to coincidentally show up at the same train station to help Oscar score a ticket. Yep, all one big coincidinks.

So since this is an AU I’m concocting here, I really like the idea of Ozpin and Oscar going through their own trials and perils on their separate journey to Mistral. They could still hop on a working train and still run into Hazel Rainart along the way for the final part of their Journey to Mistral. I mean RNJR took an airship at the end of their side of the journey which is the next best thing.

But like RNJR, it would’ve been cool to get some travels with Ozpin and Oscar: Fighting more Grimm, giving Oscar more opportunities to show off his capabilities as a huntsmen to protect Ozpin. In this AU, of course.

Not to mention that, since Ozpin wouldn’t have had his signature Oz-cane, I really dig the idea of Oz having to depend solely on utilizing what little magic he had to assist Oscar from time to time.

Referring to the main series now, we’ve never quite seen Ozpin actually perform magic in the canon, have we? We know he’s used his magic before but never actually seen him do it onscreen outside of RWBY Chibi

So imagine how cool it would have been to see a young Ozpin relearning to use his magical powers and this time, we actually get to see him cast spells or whatever the equivalent of performing magic in the RWBY-verse is like. 

I can picture Ozpin or Ozzy casting magic to help him and Oscar get out of tricky situations. Like for example: using magic to conjure up a shield of protection in order to save an overpowered Oscar from a charging Boarbatusk. Y’know like the one he summoned during his clash with Cinder Fall in V3.

Or perhaps using magic to ‘heal’ a serious wound on an injured Oscar by reversing time (like how Rapunzel healed Eugene in Tangled but without the glowing hair and song). Or maybe, just maybe, Ozpin using a wizard mind spell to manipulate someone into handing over a free boarding pass so that he and Oscar could take the train to the city. Those are three ideas.

It’s odd though. Despite Ozpin being confirmed as a legit wizard (a cursed wizard but one nonetheless) and in spite the confirmed existence of magic in Remnant by Ozpin himself, we’ve never actually seen Ozpin perform any feats of magic. Never mind that he used magic to create the Four Maidens and grant the Branwen Twins shapeshifting powers in his past life. Never mind that he did say his magic is finite and dwindling (whether that’s true or not). Still…he’s a wizard! Yes his magic is low but it could be cool to see him do something magical, even if it’s as small as a simple spell.

I don’t expect Ozpin to part the ocean or turn water into wine (although Qrow might enjoy that trick) but…still…it would be cool to see him perform a little something, something magical. Cause y’know…he’s a wizard! My hope is that Oscar is somehow capable of using magic for the main series canon so that we can possibly see some Ozpin magic tricks for V6. Hopefully.

 But for now, I’ll stick with my AU idea.

How would this AU handle the Oscar-Ozpin dynamic?

In this AU of mine, I like the idea of Ozpin and Oscar kinda joint adopting each other in a way. As Ozpin, he decides to take Oscar with him on his journey to Mistral, taking full heed of the promise he made to Auntie Pine that he would ensure the future that her nephew wanted---to become a huntsman; an objective that even Ozpin soon started to believe the boy was strongly capable of as he came to realize Oscar’s potential.

Oscar, in turn, comes to care for Ozpin’s well-being as well and even becomes like his own young protector or Guardian of some kind.

If Oscar was made to be Ozpin’s protector rather than his new vessel as an alternative, then I can definitely see the two sharing a big brother/little brother dynamic. I like the idea of Oscar and Ozpin both being big brothers/proxy dads to one another. One mind provides Oscar (and essentially all the young heroes) with the huntsman training and experience he’s always desired while at the same time, the two build a trusting mentor and apprentice relationship with each other that Ozpin only shares with the closest members of his Inner Circle (such as Glynda and Qrow).

And this dynamic is also transcended into the other side of their relationship where it’s the reverse and Oscar is Ozpin’s caretaker, using his training to protect him when he’s most vulnerable (as Ozzy) while establishing a bond where Oscar actually does look after Ozpin (as Ozzy) despite him being leagues older than him.  

I kind of picture Ozpin and Oscar’s connection in this AU of mine like Kara and Alice from Detroit Become Human.

Originally, both Oscar and Ozpin knew nothing about each other. Only met on coincidence. Yet in some twisted fate, their lives became intertwined and to each other, they suddenly became someone whose well-being they now valued as much as their own and wholeheartedly wanted to help. 

Like I’m imagining both Oz and Oscar both justifying their commitment to helping each other during private talks with Ruby and Qrow. Ozpin is of course talking to Qrow while Oscar is with Ruby.

Oscar to Ruby: 

Oscar: …I don’t think your uncle likes me very much.

Ruby: Don’t be silly. He’s just a little grumpy sometimes…with just you…a lot.  

 Oscar: *laughs* Nice save. Good attempt. But…nah, my aunt trained me well enough to sniff out when someone really doesn’t want me around. And…I think your uncle thinks I shouldn’t be here. I don’t blame him though. He probably thinks I shouldn’t stick around anymore since Oz is back with you guys. Back with his people.

Ruby: You’re his people too. He told us you saved him.

Oscar: I just gave him a place to stay and some food. But…thanks… to both of you for the kind words. I mean, I promised Ozzy I would help him get to the city to meet his friends and I did. I guess…I really have no business sticking around here.

 Ruby: Well…then why are you still here?

 Oscar: …Uhh…I guess… one of the reasons is because of Haven Academy. Lionheart told me that he still has records of my old acceptance letter into the academy. Said…if I still wanted, I can actually become a student here.  It’s a chance for me to finally live my dream of becoming a huntsman which is all I could ever ask for.

But if we’re being honest, the real reason I want to stay is because of Ozzy. Ozpin…needs me. Well…maybe not the version of him that’s a 1000 year old magical wizard guarded by a tall, rugged, mean-faced bird man wielding a giant scythe. Uh…no offense?

 Ruby: *giggles* None taken.

Oscar: But…the part of him that’s just a little kid y’know. When he’s…just a boy---just Ozzy, he reminds me so much of myself before I went to live with my aunt. After my parents died, I was so scared of being alone but my aunt made me feel loved and safe. She stood by me because she knew I needed her. That’s why I want to stay for Ozzy. Ozpin may not need me but Ozzy does and so long as he wants me here, I’ll do everything in my power to protect him.

Ozpin to Qrow

Qrow: Oz, why’d you bring that kid with ya? Who even is this kid? Where’d you even find him?

Ozpin: That kid’s name is Oscar. He’s from Mistral but more outside the kingdom and…he saved my life when you failed to find me, I’m afraid.

Qrow: Well why is he still here? *takes a swig from his flask* Shouldn’t he have gone back to his little house on the prairie now that we’ve met up with Leo?

Ozpin: He’s here because I want him to be here. My reincarnation may have…suffered a few unsettling complications but I wasn’t totally off my rocker when I told you I wanted Oscar to join my Circle. He may be young but within my short time with him, he’s shown me that he has tremendous potential. So with some training and proper guidance, I believe Oscar is destined for greatness.

Besides I…sorta also promised his dead aunt I would look out for him after she died. Can’t break a promise like that now, can I?”

Qrow: *through mid-sip* You did what?

Ozpin: It’s…a long story.

Qrow: Great. So basically you picked up a stray.

Ozpin: A stray with potential. Besides, I took you in once didn’t I? And look how well you turned out.

Qrow quirks a brow at Ozpin while taking another long swig from his flask. At this, Ozpin shook his head and sighed.

Ozpin: …Well…I can’t take full credit for all your quirks.

Qrow: Yeah but at least I grew up already knowing how to fight? What does Farmer Brown know how to do besides swing an axe? Anyone can swing an axe. Heck I can do that blindfolded with both my hands tied behind my back on my worst day. Besides… he’s so…young. He’s younger than I was when I joined the Circle. Ozpin: *amused tone* Why Qrow Branwen, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were a little jealous of Oscar.

Qrow: *almost chokes on his flask* Me? Jealous of that pipsqueak? Oz, I just recovered from my last hangover, please don’t make me vomit. I just don’t like the way he thinks he’s all high and mighty just because he’s the glorified babysitter to your other half.

Ozpin: Oscar isn’t like at all. If anything he’s been the most mature for his age…definitely more mature than certain people I’m looking at right now.

Qrow: *condescending tone* He calls you Ozzy. What is that?

Ozpin: *calmly* It’s just a nickname. A nickname both Ozzy and Ozpin don’t mind.

Qrow: *grumbles* I also don’t like the way he keeps chumming up to Ruby lately.

Ozpin: Really Qrow? He’s 16. She’s 16. They’re allowed to be friends.

Qrow: She’s my niece! Don’t encourage your babysitter to be any kind of ‘friends’ with my niece, capish?

Ozpin: *exasperated*  …Fine. Are there any other complaints you have regarding my ‘babysitter’?

Qrow: Just one. I don’t think this kid’s got the real chops to be a huntsman, let alone someone who’s meant to be a part of your Circle.

Ozpin: Is that right? Well then since we’re both being honest here, I think I have the perfect solution for that. You’re an experienced huntsman Qrow. Previously a teacher at Signal Academy who trained your own niece to be a powerful scythe wielder like yourself. Not to mention you’re one of the few people in this world I would trust with my life.

Qrow: *burps* What’s your point?

Ozpin: You don’t think Oscar’s got what it takes. Then help him. Train him and bring out the best in him; as I did once for you.

In the main series, Qrow is currently Ozpin’s right hand for the Mistral Arc going towards Atlas (since Glynda, his original right hand from the Beacon Trilogy is stuck holding down the fort in Vale with Professor Port and Dr. Oobleck). But what would be cute is if Oscar also unintentionally became Ozpin’s right hand but…more so to young Ozzy, Ozpin’s ‘child-like’ other half in my AU.

I like the idea of both Qrow and Oscar being Ozpin’s right hand men and the two butting heads at first. While Oscar is perfectly okay with the times Ozpin needs to be alone with Qrow since the older huntsman is one of Ozpin’s most trusted.

For this AU, Qrow secretly harbours a bit of jealousy toward Oscar who was only picked as Ozpin’s newest guardian because of the complications of his reincarnation. Whenever Ozpin reverts back to Ozzy, he’s completely intimidated by Qrow and won’t let the Branwen man talk or even be alone with him unless Oscar is present.

In this version of the story, Ozzy is very attached to Oscar. Like a nervous child clinging to their parent.

It’s a different dynamic from the show canon but that’s why I like it as an AU. Plus I really dig the notion of Qrow being tasked to personally train Oscar by Ozpin as he is the newest member of his Circle and his youngest Guardian. I like the parallel of Oscar to Qrow because once upon a time, Qrow was in Oscar’s shoes as the original youngest member of his Circle along with his sister. However, unlike Raven, Ozpin took a greater shine to Qrow due to his loyal nature and provided him with more training and trust; allowing the two to forge a friendship stronger than any relationship Oz had with his remaining Guardians.

I like the idea of Qrow originally being jealous of Oscar only to eventually warm up to him after realizing their commonalities. So in the end, Qrow becomes a surrogate father figure to Oscar and learns to care for him as much as Ozpin did; recognizing his potential as well.

It’s a nice way to have Qrow and Oscar bond through their ties to Ozpin but without Qrow treating Oscar as Ozpin most of the time. As an AU, it can work.

How would this AU handle the RoseGarden relationship/romance?

Well for starters Oscar and Ruby will be the same age of 16 years old in this AU. Oscar would also be his own character. For this AU, I love the idea of Ruby slowly falling in love with Oscar purely for his, quote, ‘big heart’ after observing  his caring nature towards ‘Ozzy’, the childlike persona of Ozpin’s younger form.

Instead of Oscar being based off of Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, he’d be based off of the Woodcutter from the Little Red Riding Hood fairy-tale. Though Oscar is Ozpin’s protector who saved Ozpin, his fairy-tale inspiration would share the same origins with Ruby for this AU. That’s the idea I had.

So in conclusion:

This is my first time coming up with an AU idea for RWBY. And for what it’s worth, I really love what I pumped out. It makes me kinda wish things had been done sorta like this in the main series canon. Buuuut... that doesn’t mean I’m not excited to see how the CRWBY Writers will handle developing Oscar and Ozpin’s dynamic in the main series.

They definitely have created a very unique and interesting character in Oscar Pine and his current predicament with Professor Ozpin. So as a proud Pinehead, I’m curious to see how it’s going to be for the following seasons especially with how they plan on balancing development and character growth for both sides of the Man with Two Souls while also showing progress with their relationships; both within Ozpin and Oscar’s ties to each other as well as the other characters they encounter.

But until I get to see more of the planned story for my two favourite characters in RWBY (Oscar and Ozpin), I guess for now I’ll toss out deas for AUs feautring one or two alternate ways the CRWBY could’ve written Ozpin and Oscar’s story; starting with this one. I think my ‘Little Cute Boy Ozpin’ AU is my best and favourite one written down so far.

It definitely puts together some of the best ideas I could think of in the event that the story had been written like that. Besides if it doesn’t work as an AU for RWBY then it would make one hell of an original adventure inspired by RWBY with maybe a few influences from the Wizard of Oz tale.

Wouldn’t mind playing around with a story like that if I ever felt up to the task. But who knows? For now, it’s just a really neat AU idea brought to you by the squiggle meister. Hope you fellow RWBY fam like it.

  More Squiggles’ RWBY Content

~LittleMissSquiggles (2018)

[justmysicklypride]

P-P-P-Play that shit: ptv analysis - Part 2

 Hi what’s up everyone and welcome to this week’s pew news. This is a continuation of my last post where I pretty much summed up Pierce The Veil’s career from the beginning to present and gave an overview of their rise and downfall. You can check it out here, but if you already know about everything or have read it already then feel free to ignore it. In any case, I was originally gonna make these two posts as one but ran out of room bc who the hell would read that much text in a blog post (me) so here you go - part two of this fucking conspiracy theory because I didn’t even get to share any of my thoughts in the last one. (I also forgot to put headers with each new topic smh apologies to the English language)

Edit: it’s been fucking eons since I wrote the last one/started writing this one like legit I even changed my user. The reason why this has been put off for so long will be explained later but yh smh

Gigantic obligatory disclaimer: Everything that I will discuss whether it be in this post or my last, or any future posts that relate to this subject IS NOT going to touch on the subject of the “sexual relations with a minor” incident in itself. I will not go into detail about my own views on this specific matter as there is literally no way to win because whatever I say could be taken out of context by literally anyone. That being said, I do not condone pedophilia, I do not condone sexual harassment or rape, and I do not undermine the importance of consent. I respect the laws of different states, as I know they vary with time and place, and I understand that everyone has their own opinions and I do not wish to impose my own onto others.

In regards to this, however, I do have to acknowledge that I, first and foremost, do not think that Mike Fuentes is innocent, and I strongly believe that how the band handled this situation was just plain terrible, but I do also have to acknowledge the fact that this situation is to stay between the accuser and the victim, as well as their respective legal teams and that I should not go nosedive headfirst into anything like this when it does not directly affect or require my judgement as a necessity, lest I face any legalities or blacklash as a result. Furthermore, everything that I will be talking about are conspiracies only and I do not in any way assume or imply that any of this is true.

In other words, I don’t mean to offend anyone but if you end up getting offended then that’s on you, not me. Let’s begin.

Introduction 

The points that I am trying to highlight in this essay post is, in simple words, that Pierce The Veil’s... well, everything, comes off as kind of a conspiracy, almost, to me. I have had these thoughts for a long-ish time, and so this post is basically me finally making a post that covers all things that I have been thinking of in the past. Unlike my previous post, this one is a lot less fact-based and a lot more opinionated, so if you’re not into that, then that’s fair. Otherwise, I will be discussing the following things (in this order): the topic of kellic, Misadventures, and the accusation + response.

When Life Gives You Lemons, You Ship Them Together And Call It Lemonade

I refer to my last post and assume that everyone understands how “kellic” came to be and what it means. To summarise to the bare minimum best of my abilities, it’s the ship name of Vic Fuentes and Kellin Quinn, aka what people call it when someone wants or is keen on the idea of these two frontmen having an affair with each other in a (typically) fictional setting. It happens all the time, especially in this day and age where you can easily just find someone with the same obsession as you with a click of a button. That’s why King For A Day, and inadvertently Collide With The Sky, became such a huge success. It appealed to the right demographic of teenagers and tweens who were ecstatic at the prospect of shipping, and went on to achieve even more impressive feats following that. How you ask? Well, by going on a tour around the world of course. Together. Playing shows every night that ends with one of them literally carrying the other off the stage. Gotta give the people what they want, hey?

I have a strong belief that the key to success is through beating the system at its own game. In this case, the game is simple - get fans, get money. Unfortunately, as we all know, getting fame isn’t as easy as simply earning it through grit and determination. To achieve fame, one must find a way to do something at the right time in the right way so that people will notice. If one person does, and your fire doesn’t die out right away, then you’ve got yourself a forest fire. Then later on, all you gotta do is keep this forrest fire going, but assuming that there isn’t someone standing on the other side with the whole fire department’s resources in tow, then the only thing stopping this fire is itself, because with all things in life, fire dies out, and fame stops accumulating after a while if nothing is done about it. Humans need entertainment. If something starts to fail to pique their interests, then they move on. That’s why YouTubers are required to change up their content every now and again in order to try and relight that spark they once had, and even then there’s a good chance that they won’t. 

I was originally going to write another blog essay about this whole YouTube analogy thing but quickly realised that for one, I don’t have time bc I’m getting my ass fucked by university on a daily basis; and that for another, there’s most likely a billion other videos or essays about this topic as is, so I’ll just link one or two of them here. I haven’t watched them all yet or I don’t remember much of them, but all they do is pretty much summarise up stuff like how YouTubers become successful and their downfalls and all that, and even though they kinda focus on a specific person or group of people, I feel like it could be generalised.

Even without the YouTube metaphor, we know shipping works. It is evident in multiple works across various media that giving the fans what they want is often what gives these people their continued success, such as Dan Howell and Phil Lester, who have all but stopped trying to create their own individual branding (save for their separate merch stores that are probably there just to get more people to buy their overpriced clothing), and who at this point have become such an overused example that I actually hesitated writing that. Why do you think movies and shows and cartoons mostly have a romantic subplot? Romance is an essential trope in literature and easily one of the most popular genre out there for various reasons. According to a Bustle article written in 2016, romance often gives the readers a sense of hope or gives them a way to live out their fantasies in the easiest way possible, and while this may not apply to everyone, (personally I’m not a romance fan much at all but I can appreciate good literature), it’s hard to deny the phrase “sex sells”.

Given that, you’d think that any company with half a brain would learn to exploit it, but for some reason this wasn’t the case in Pierce The Veil’s management, and no matter how I look at it, I can’t really see the reason why. It’s not like the band members are uncomfortable with the ship - Jaime Preciado has been seen kissing Vic Fuentes on stage (not on the lips guys chill) (I had forgotten how fucking difficult it takes to find this one specific clip so here’s a couple different fuenciado pictures instead to make up for it smfh), and Vic Fuentes has mentioned kellic in a live stream once jokingly - and Kellin Quinn is notoriously known for being completely okay with it (so long as he doesn’t have to look at it), so just what is the reason?

This Ain’t A Hiatus, It’s A Goddamned Arms Race

I’d be lying if I didn’t miss all the memes that all stemmed from the Pierce The Veil boys not being able to release an album when they’d promised, before postponing said album yet again and disappearing off of the face of the earth digitally for another year or two, giving them a total of four years as their unofficial, unannounced hiatus. For this, I have several questions.

We all know Vic Fuentes loves taking his sweet ass time releasing music - he’s admitted to remaking his first album a second time before releasing it, as stated an interview a couple years back - but you can’t honestly tell me their management just let them get away with it. Sure, through this time they’ve been pushing out new merch to no end, but something tells me that this giant gap they’ve wedged between the new album and Collide With The Sky isn’t gonna be good publicity, despite all the memes that’ve sprouted from it. There’s been fans who stopped taking interest in this band because of it, as well as fans who have just gotten fed up with having to wait so long. They scrapped a whole completed album in the process of creating Misadventures too, and while it’s not uncommon for bands to throw away near-completed ideas at whim, it’s also not unlikely for there to be some external factors or reasoning behind why they did it. Could it be that the album they threw away stayed too close to their roots and management or some other person told the band to start again, so that they can create something more appealing to this day and age? Or could it be something else that is hard to see at face-value?

You’ll Never Get Ahold Of Me Now

Finally, I’m gonna address the overdue elephant in the room. If you want to read the full thing, here it is because I’m tired of having to reiterate what happened. Mike Fuentes received a sexual allegation by some girl(s) and the band released a shitty statement that has since gotten deleted - that’s the general gist of it. 

Like I said, it’s been literal months (or weeks idk my perception of time is severely fucked) since I actually started making this post so literally no one cares anymore, but regardless of what past me has promised or written down, I’m not going to be discussing the allegation in itself, but rather what and/or how the band and their subsequent management has handled it, in that they handled it so bad that I honestly can’t believe they did it like that. 

Edit: I wasn’t gonna bother finding another copy of the statement bc no one’s gonna give a shit but then I’d be doing some baseless shit and I honestly can’t stand people who half ass these things, despite my growing urge to do the same thing, so here’s the statement. 

For starters, who the hell waits one whole month before releasing a statement? From what I can remember, their excuse was allegedly that pretty much management forbade them to talk or make a statement about it earlier for... reasons? (Just realised I don’t actually have the source for this so idk take it with a grain of salt I guess because I was sure I had read this somewhere but I can’t back it up.) 

That’s not even the worst part, either. The statement itself gave zero closure to literally everything. Yes, they acknowledged the allegation, but that’s just about as far as they went. The whole point of a statement is to clear things up, whether the accuser was right or wrong, and what steps will be taken from there, whether an apology is to be issued or not. No shit you know about the incident, who in the fandom wouldn’t? Instead pointing out the straight up obvious, what they should’ve done was 1) not waited an entire fucking month before talking about it, most likely hoping the whole thing to blow over by then and 2) actually talked about the incident in their statement instead of tiptoeing around the subject like some sort of time bomb ready to go off. There is no right or wrong answer, because literally all they had to do was tell the truth - as in write down a statement from Mike (not the whole fucking band mind you) about his take on the whole thing or get him to say what had happened from his point of view. Then resolve it privately with your legal team and whatnot if they really feel the need. Hell, all he needed to do was apologise. Whether something like that classifies as assault or rape or whatever is up to you but the fact of the matter is that she’s underaged at that point in time. Even if she was fully aware of the risks and whatnot and gave legitimate consent, under the eyes of the law and pretty much 80% of the people reacting to this incident, it will be deemed illegal and inappropriate behaviour. All these people had to do was literally just be open and honest about it regardless of whatever the hell happened, because this is all happening on a public platform where everyone can see/read it to their hearts’ content. Viewers can’t judge or make a decision to support or not support you if you don’t tell them your side of the story, so for the love of god, why the hell didn’t they?

The statement was filled with bullshit about how they love the fans and all that shit, and honestly my thoughts can be accurately summed up in this video right here. So much backlash could have potentially been avoided had they just told it as it is, because now all we have is a vague ass response that gives no closure and tell us nothing as to whether Mike actually did it or not, because in the statement he manage to spout some bullshit about how he’s “never intentionally manipulated or abused anyone in [his] life” and that he’s just a ball of empathy which at first glance could suggest he at least thinks he’s innocent, but then they go on to say how Mike’s taking a temporary leave from the band for, you guessed it, absolutely no reason. At least, no reason that they’ve given us (what else is new) (I’m becoming more petty as the night drags on it’s literally 1am). Honestly, .@piercetheveil, please tell me why the honest to god fuck did you have him leave just after suggesting that he might be innocent? I know the world isn’t black and white but when you’re making a stance and defending yourself or admitting to something, it really is - black and white that is. Either you’re innocent or believe that you’re innocent and stand your ground by not leaving the band, or you admit that you are guilty, in which case your leaving of the band would actually feel justified, because now it’s like you’re gonna come back as well, so what does that even mean? Mike isn’t gone indefinitely, he hasn’t pleaded guilty or innocent, and now the band is telling us they love us? Fuck out of here with that bullshit.

Yes, I support the band’s decision to pull out of the All Time Low tour and to not have Mike out there in case fans feel threatened or unsafe or whatnot, but if you’re pleading innocent, then honestly the whole band should’ve just said “hey we’re gonna go on hiatus for a while until our legal team’s finished with taking care of everything”, and not just said hey guys we’re gonna kick him out because he may or may not have done something that we’re not gonna tell you because we’re shady fuckers like that. I know they are on hiatus right now, but at the “start”, they only said that Mike would be withdrawing temporarily or whatever so it’s kind of like, okay? Sure? It’s a right mess I assure you. Honestly, throughout this whole incident, it was this statement part that made me really fed up with this band. My interest in them had died down significantly from since I hit fifteen all those three years ago, and right now when I dug up an old iPod shuffle to bring with me to university to save my phone battery throughout the day, I can honestly say that I won’t be adding any Pierce The Veil songs onto it anytime soon unless I get peer pressured to. Personally, I feel like that’s kind of the mentality of a lot of had-been Pierce The Veil fans, too.

That’s Great And All But What’s Your Point?

Pierce The Veil’s management sucks ass.

There’s no easy, lawsuit-prone way for me to say it but, and this is just a conspiracy theory I swear to god if I get the fucking ASIS kicking down my door in the middle of the night you better read the fucking disclaimer, there’s obviously some shady shit going on in there no matter what way you slice it. Either they’re sabotaging Pierce The Veil’s success or whether it’s all some big confusion or misunderstanding, or if they’re just plain dumb, we can all agree that this whole thing - the kellic fan service, album making, allegations and subsequent statements - should’ve and could’ve been handled a hell of a lot more gracefully and professionally. Believe it or not, waiting until things blow over is frankly just childish and solves literally nothing, so either they can pull their act together quickly with this next “special secret” album to redeem what little quality/dignity they have left, or they can just fade away into irrelevancy and become a band that no one cares about anymore. 

History repeats itself. This band is quickly becoming just another Leafyishere, and as ominous as that sounds, it’s honestly not unlikely at this point. I am intrigued as to where they go from here, because if they manage to breakthrough again, then I would be very surprised given their current situation. I want to know how they choose to handle this - whether it’ll be the same or not, we’ll just have to wait and see.

Thank you so much if you read through this honestly like I am beyond happy that this is fucking over because I have a bunch of non-band related post essays I’ve been meaning to post but this one’s been nagging at the back of my mind for the past few months or however long it’s been. I’ve clocked in at around past 3k words for this one, and none of this is edited because I’m honestly so done with this you don’t understand. Like I said before, this took ages because I was gonna make another post talking about other shit that relates to this before realising that there’s way too many people that’ve addressed the whole YouTube thing so me doing it would literally be pointless, and even though no one really reads this shit, as big of a nerd as I am, I do enjoy writing bullshit because maybe then I’ll stop ranting to my friends and family about topics they don’t care about.

Regardless, that’s it for this two parter thing, and until next time or whatever.

Catch’ya x

[theadorablespderman]

Hair: Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Ash

Description:  After a fire the ashes remain, alone and deserted. And Peter always hated being alone.

Spideychelle

F/M

Notes: CHAPTER 3 IS UP! My gosh, everyone has been so amazing and supportive of this story! I do want to apologize for how long this chapter took to complete, so thank you all for sticking it out! This chapter is gonna be a long one so I hope you guys enjoy! You guys can also read the fic here on AO3.

Big shout out to my amazing beta @literalprincess for being amazing and being such an awesome help this chapter! Seriously, look this girl up because she’s fabulous! Also another shoutout to @you-guys--are-losers who was a great friend and help during this chapter as well. 

Enjoy guys! :)

Peter had never been the type of person who enjoyed being alone. After he’d come to live with May and Ben when he was little, May had said he’d barely ever left their side. They’d cleared Ben’s office out to make a room just for Peter. He never slept in it. He’d slept with them for a year until they started prodding him to his own bed. He’d hated it. The night always was far to silent, too easy to disrupt. Without his Aunt May’s steady breaths brushing his neck or Uncle Ben’s snores right in his ear, he couldn’t know that they were safe. Bad things happened to people, and if he wasn’t there to stop the bad things, how could they be safe?

Maybe he thought he was stronger than he was, but every car-ride, every place they went, he needed to be right there beside them. Peter made himself sick with worry when they’d leave him with a babysitter. He’d sit on the couch, waiting for the phone to ring or a knock on the door. The sounds that changed his life so easily, so suddenly, before May and Ben.

As he grew older—wiser—the anxieties faded, but never left. He spent more time with Ned, but not once did he sleep over like other kids did. Peter couldn’t be away from May and Ben for that long. He was convinced something would happen to them. He needed to make sure that, whatever that thing was, it could never hurt them.

Once he hit his teenage years, Peter was able to function normally. He did his school work while Ben tinkered with old computers. Sometimes, Ben would let Peter help once he got all of his work done. They’d watch movies as a family nearly every night, half the time with Ned included. When the nights came to a close, Peter slept in his own bed, rarely worrying about a faceless threat to Aunt May or Uncle Ben.

After the spider-bite, Peter found his anxieties nearly quelled. Ned and him had sleepovers. He went to parties. He lived the life of a teenage boy.

Peter had been at a party the night Uncle Ben died. His uncle had gone out to the nearest store for milk and never come back. The police had quickly caught the man responsible. He’d still had blood on his shirt when they found him, and yet he never confessed to the crime. When asked, he wouldn’t give information. Nobody really knew how everything had progressed, or how the confrontation ended so tragically. All they knew was that Ben been stabbed in the chest, and when the police had found his body an hour later, his wallet had been missing.

Peter knew damn well that if he’d been there, the way he would have been any other night, he would have been able to stop it. It wasn’t a what if question. He knew that if he’d been there, his uncle would still be alive.

Spider-Man was born of the loss and loneliness that came following Ben’s death. If Peter could save people, put criminals behind bars, he could make sure nobody had to suffer the losses he’d suffered in his life. If he could just be like Iron Man or any of the Avengers, he could keep the bad things from happening. He never felt isolated again; he threw himself into Spiderman instead. Alone wasn’t something he could feel when he was helping old ladies with directions, stopping arms dealers, or trying to prove himself to Mr. Stark. He couldn’t possibly feel the void when he was helping to keep others from experiencing it.

So, when it happened, he couldn’t cope. Turning to ash—dying—it had been all too real, too much.

He had never experienced a pain so intense that it felt like he was being ripped apart by a fire. Fire that consumed organs and bones. It charred his skin until there was nothing left but ash, carried away in a breath of wind.

The pain wasn’t the worst part of it. Begging Mr. Stark to save him wasn’t what gave Peter nightmares—it was the loneliness that followed.

Others had described the Soul Stone as comforting. They said it was harmonious, that they never really missed home while they were there. Peter didn’t know what that was like. He’d spent hours, months, decades alone. Completely and utterly alone. He was confined to his room, just beyond his windows an endless plane of water the same golden color as the sky.

The people that were still alive, the people that needed him were unprotected. He couldn’t leave his damn room, and everyone he loved was either gone, or unreachable. Not knowing anything about how, or where, they were destroyed him.

Confined to the four falls of his room, an island on the water in total isolation, Peter spent days, years, or maybe even minutes—he’d never know—waiting for Iron Man to save him. He waited because he was scared, and a kid, and sometimes he needed to be saved instead of vice versa. Over what felt like an eon he tried every possible way out of the room. Nothing would budge: the window stayed intact, the walls survived his beatings, and the door remained unmovable. Eventually he spiraled into despair. The inferno urging him on turned to nothing more than ash as he spend more unmeasurable time in silence, utterly desolate.

When his soul was pulled back, the first thing Peter saw was the warm, swimming eyes of Tony Stark, and he knew he was home. Peter had cried, sobbed, because he wouldn’t spend eternity rotting away, wondering if the people he loved were safe and if he could have ever saved them.

Peter had come back, back to where he could feel the heat of the sun on his face, and the chill whisper of rain as it rolled down his neck. There was warmth when he heard MJ laugh, and calm when Aunt May sang. There was passion when he saved civilians, and happiness from joking with Ned.

The memories were ones he repressed, and Peter never talked about his time in the Soul Stone. Peter actively forced down the panic when he found himself alone in his room as it glowed gold when the sun set in the sky. He forced down the anxiety when May left for the store and Ned canceled plans. Forcing it all away was better. It was selfish of him to dwell on the ash or the island—the pain and the isolation—when so many others had suffered worse fates at the hands of Thanos. Others would give up the earth and sun to have a miracle like his.

For the past twenty-four hours, however, the welling panic of desertion continually forced its way into Peter’s thoughts. He knew why the anxiety was slowly building, tangling knots and snarls in his chest. It wasn’t a mystery to him why he felt the singe of desolation coiling in his abdomen.

One day—a total of eleven and a half hours—ago, MJ had stormed out of his apartment, after confirming that she and Ned were romantically involved. He hadn’t heard from Michelle since. Which may not sound unusual, if it weren’t for the fact that she had made a habit of texting him in the middle of the night, just to wake him up with random memes. He’d slept through the night, much to his concern. Her lack of communication had only served to water the seed of Peter’s anxiety. The loneliness spread far beyond just that. His two best friends had been a couple for god knows how long and had seemingly kept it a secret behind his back.

Peter ignored a fleeting moment of scathing bitterness when he saw Ned leaning against his locker waiting for him. Strolling up and throwing a strained pleasantry to the shorter boy, Peter worked on opening his locker, stalling so as not to have meet Ned’s eyes. The blue paint around the lock was chipping, showing muted metal underneath.

“Hey.” Ned began, a weary tremor in his voice. “So, uh—do you know if MJ is ok?”

Peter yanked his physics textbook from his locker, his eyes fixated on the cover, still unwilling to look at Ned. “I was going to ask you the same question.” The malice in his voice was nothing like his usual tone. Guilt panged in his stomach, but he said nothing to rectify the statement. He only turned, finally looking at his best friend, the same best friend who had shared every secret with him since elementary school. It felt like he was staring at a stranger. How many times had he kissed MJ? Peter blinked the abrupt thought away. It didn’t matter. At least that was what he told himself.

He and Ned started navigating through the hordes of students. Peter wouldn’t admit it, but he was still attempting to avoid looking at Ned. “I figured you’d know if she’s ok.” It was his lame attempt at diffusing the tension, even if there was still a small bite to his statement.

Ned shuffled between a few cheerleaders before catching back up with Peter’s brisk stride. “Why would—Oh right. Um, yeah. She hasn’t talked to me.”

“So how long has, uh—you know, it been going on?” The words stumbled off his lips, half of him not wanting to know, while the other really did. The question had been burning the corners of Peter’s brain since MJ had said yes to his question last night. When he’d asked if she and Ned were an item.

Ned slipped next to him. Peter threw his arm out, steadying him. “W-What?” Taking the opportunity to meet his eyes for the first time, Peter silently asked what he couldn’t bear to aloud. Why had they never told him? Why had they kept it a secret? Just, why?

Peter smiled reassuringly, trying to be genuine and focus on being happy for them, if only shortly. “I’m just curious, Ned. I had no idea.” His head gestured for them to continue.

“Um, not long. It’s a, well—um—It’s’a still a’pretty new.” Ned’s voice turned into a horrible Mario impression, obviously trying to lighten to mood.

“Seriously? I’a know you can’a do a’better than that.” Peter glanced back at Ned while they walked through the door to first period. The ghost of his smile was still on his face. For a moment they fell back into their usual rhythm, until Peter’s nagging brain grew unsatisfied, wanting answers that weren't vague deflections hidden in the guise of the Italian plumber.

“Anyways, it’s new then?” Peter once again prodded, hoping for an actual answer. His carefree, happy friend instead looked like he had hidden a body. “Hey, you ok?”

Ned answered while they took their seats at the front corner of the classroom. “Yeah. No, I’m cool. I’m fresh. It’s all good.” His smile was wobbling, strained.

Seeing Ned flustered wasn’t unusual. He rambled more times than Peter could count. This time was different though. If Peter knew any better, he would have thought that Ned was hiding something.

“Did you just say that you’re fresh?” Peter’s smile broke through for just a moment. Ned’s vernacular never ceased to amuse Peter. “But seriously, what’s going—”

The warning bell cut through the air, effectively cutting off Peter’s conversation with Ned. People who hadn’t already filed into class began pouring in. Flash was among them, he smacked into Peter’s shoulder on his way to the back of the class. “‘Sup, Penis Parker?” Ignoring Flash had become habit, but it didn’t stop Peter’s temper from rising particularly quickly.

“You’d think someone that’s as smart as you claim to be would be able to come up with a better insult.” It was neither Ned or Peter who had spoken. MJ had come through the doors, slipping through people like silk. She walked directly past Peter and Ned, not even acknowledging their existence.

“Shut up, MJ.” Flash snarled.

“Wow, another stellar response from the resident dip-shit.” Her voice was her usual cool melody.

MJ had wrangled her hair into a ponytail, a drastic contrast to the bouncing mess of tangles she’d sported the day before. Her face was composed and her eyes their normal, critical selves. She looked the opposite of the rolling anger Peter experienced just the night before as she’d stormed out his apartment. The rays of the morning sun bounced off of her cheeks and nose. Her deadly eyes turned copper in the sun, glaring down at Flash, MJ was as indifferent as always. Instead of turning around and sitting next to Peter—on his left side as always—she slouched into the unclaimed corner seat in the back of the room.

The seat was broken, which was why no one sat in it. Peter knew she was pissed, but he didn’t think she was that pissed.

He turned in his seat. She’d taken her sketchbook out; her hand was already flitting around the page. “MJ,” Peter couldn’t say anything else before the final bell rang and the physics teacher came bounding into class, already shouting out the page numbers to open their books to.

Throughout class, Peter desperately tried to get MJ’s attention. He had absolutely no idea what he would do once he got it, but he wanted to see her steely gaze just to verify that he wasn’t invisible. Never once did she look up.

Half-way through the lecture on nuclear fusion, Peter turned to Ned, who was busy scrawling notes over the page. “Dude, how can you read that?” It was all a jumbled mess of ink and maybe hieroglyphics. How the obscure text translated into something, Peter had no idea. Ned opened his mouth, ready to reply, but Peter didn’t bother waiting for it. That wasn’t what he cared about anyway. “Why isn’t MJ sitting with us?”

Ned’s head remained down, his hand furiously producing more notes. “Maybe she wants space?” He glanced up to the whiteboard. Peter found it odd that Ned wasn’t even gracing him with a sidelong glance.

“Shouldn’t you know, though?” Catching another glimpse of MJ over his shoulder—her head bent down with her bangs shielding her face from view—Peter felt his breath catch somewhere behind his sternum. Her hair was a haloed brunette-copper, a realization of celestial beauty. Why was her hair so perfect?

“Know what?” Ned’s response brought Peter’s attention careening back to reality. The reality in which he had just been making googly eyes for his best friend, who happened to be dating his other best friend.

Clearing the knot that was forming into a stone in his chest, Peter distracted himself with copying down the notes he had abandoned while he had been focusing on MJ. “I’d think that since you guys are, well, you know—” The stone was impeding the word from taking shape. He deserted the words all together, clearing his throat. “I just thought you’d know why she would decide to sit in the Broke-Back-Mountain chair instead of by us.” The way in which the desk had acquired that name was too long, and too graphic, of a story to tell.

Ned snuck a look over to MJ, as did Peter. She was shifting in the cracked seat, looking uncomfortable. Her eyes momentarily flitted from her notebook up to Ned. She completely ignored Peter. Peter didn’t even have enough time to form her name on his lips before her eyes flitted away, latching attention onto her notebook. Her gaze never wavered back their way.

“I’m sure she’s fine. She’s probably just having an ‘MJ’ day.” On some days, rarely, and out of the blue, MJ would barely talk to Peter and Ned. Peter always felt like she’d gotten trapped in that brain of hers and couldn’t find her way out. There was always a dazed, introspective look to her. But she never actively ignored them.

Peter turned back, clenching his jaw. “No, I don’t think that’s it.”

When the bell rang Peter fought against the rush of students stampeding toward the door, wanting to catch MJ before she left. However, her newly found spot was empty, much to Peter’s surprise. Broke-Back-Mountain stood alone. Peter whipped his head toward the door, at a loss for words. How had she managed to sneak to the front without him noticing? Yet, there she was. The shoulder of her leather jacket was peeking through the crowd, her hair floating like a cloud over her head.

“MJ, wait up.” Peter was hurtling desks to close the distance. He needed her to see him, to listen to him. She needed to understand how badly he felt about the previous night. “MJ! Hey, come on, wait up!” When she ignored him yet again, Peter groaned, following her out the door. “MJ?” She wasn’t in the hall when he emerged from the classroom. Her mess of waves and curls had completely vanished.

Ned appeared next to Peter holding the boy’s forgotten backpack out to him. Aimlessly, Peter accepted the strap of his bag, swinging it onto his back.

It felt like a small part of his chest had fluttered away into ash.

…………………………………………………

Decathlon practice had yet to be canceled. Peter took this as a good sign, seeing as MJ was the captain of the team. Both Ned and Peter headed to sixth period in silence. Ned had been acting odd all day, and Peter was still trying to understand why MJ was upset enough to not even be talking to him, much less Ned, her boyfriend. No matter how many times that word rolled around in Peter’s head regarding Michelle and Ned, it never felt right.

There was no conversation between the two as they weaved through the hallway. Peter braced his hands on the straps of his backpack, trying to gently approach the topic that he so desperately wanted more answers to. Answers about the one and only Michelle Jones, who, over the course of twenty-four hours, had become a complete enigma. “So, why do you think MJ’s so mad?”

“Seriously, Peter?” The exasperation in Ned’s voice wasn’t unearned. Peter had been subtly prodding all day. Not so subtly.

Peter responded with a shrug of his shoulders, flashing a quick closed-mouth smile, feigning innocence. “I’m just wondering.” Ned looked completely unconvinced. Peter dropped the act, his face shattering into an anxiousness that was slowly spiraling out of control. “I mean, I get why she’s upset. I didn’t think she’d be this mad though.”

Ned pushed open the doors to the library, turning to head into the private study rooms where they met for decathlon practices. “We all kept digging into her love life after she told us not to. She got mad at me for pushing during lunch, and then you and Gwen kept asking her questions. Can you blame her?”

Peter stopped short outside of the study room. Through the windows he could see Flash leaning back in his chair and Cindy going over notes with Abe. MJ was nowhere to be seen.

Right before Ned closed his hand over the door knob, Peter’s full attention latched to the boy. “Wait, why were you poking around at lunch yesterday?”

There were more than a few things Peter knew about Ned. One of the defining things about his best friend was that he was not good under pressure. “What do you mean? What makes you think I was poking around?”

“Stop answering my questions with more questions, Dude!” The librarian a few bookcases over leaned her head into the open to shush them. Peter lowered his voice to a strained whisper. “You’ve been doing that all day.”

Ned’s eyes blinked rapidly. “Why are you so interested, anyways?”

“Why are you not? She’s your—” The word still wouldn’t crest past the stone. “Well, you know.”

“I am worried about her. But she probably wants space. As she explained to me yesterday, sometimes girls just need time to think.”

“When did she say that?”

“After she stormed out of the lunchroom.” Ned said.

“And why did she storm out of the lunchroom?” Peter set the bait.

Ned took it. “Because I was digging into her love life, at lunch, just like you and Gwen did last night!” Another shush from the librarian. Ned’s ears turned minutely darker, blushing.

“My question is, why would you be digging into MJ’s love life.”

Checkmate. Peter could feel it, something was going to happen. Ned looked on the verge of cracking when a voice sliced through Peter’s mind and body. “Can you move?” It was authoritative with none of the usual malice.

When Peter flipped around, there, in her shining glory, was MJ. Three academic decathlon study guides were hooked by her left arm against her chest. Hanging from her opposite shoulder was her bag, riddled with patched holes and broken zippers. Her face was cold, the depth of her eyes closed off, housing emotion so controlled Peter couldn’t tell if there was any left. Maybe she’d used them all up the night before.

MJ elbowed past Peter and Ned, throwing open the doors to the study room. Peter and Ned stumbled in after her. “MJ—”

“Alright! It looks like everyone’s here—”

“Mr. Harrington’s not here.” Flash interjected.

“Flash, I swear to God.” The animosity in her voice was enough to shut Flash up. It was enough to scare Peter.

MJ situated herself at the table in the center of the room, right in between Cindy and newcomer Alexa.  “Anyways,” MJ continued, controlling her voice, yet again, into her usual aloof tone. “We have the first qualifying meet for Nationals this weekend. We need to hit this one hard if we want any chance of defending our National title this October. I’ve printed up the quiz sheets. They’re color coded by subject. Answer sheets are stapled on the back.” She slapped a stack of papers on the table and continued. Her devotion to organized study guides was something the team was used to at this point. “Okay,” She clapped her hands. “Let’s run some drills.”

There was literally no opportunity for Peter to get a word in. She kept the meeting packed with non-stop questions and drills. She never picked Peter to do any. She called Flash in every time. Flash. Peter could tell everyone thought it was odd, but no one was willing to call her out on it. She looked like she had just killed twenty people and buried the bodies.

Sixth period eventually came to an end. Peter tried yet again to get a word in with MJ. She was just as elusive as he was persistent and managed to slip away yet again.

Peter elbowed Ned. “Maybe she’ll listen to you.”

Ned rolled his eyes, muttering something about ‘stupid love’ before following her nonetheless.

“Wait, did you say ‘love’?” The stone in Peter’s chest exploded to the size of a boulder. Ned never responded, already taking off after MJ, not hearing Peters quiet whisper.  

Peter stood, a feeling of desolation creeping along his skin.

//////////////////////////////////////////

Ned plopped down next to where Peter was sitting against the wall of the hallway. Two days of MJ avoiding Peter had passed, and today was the decathlon meet.

Ned handed Peter a breakfast sandwich still wrapped in paper. Peter blindly accepted it, his eyes still glued to the study guide in his lap. “Thanks.” He deftly unwrapped the sandwich and took a large bite.

“What happened to your face?” Ned tucked into his own sandwich, eyeing the bruise that had bloomed across Peter’s eye. “Don’t you have like, healing powers or something?”

Peter quickly shushed Ned. “It’s not ‘healing powers’, it’s enhanced healing.” Again, concentrating on the study guide, his lips pressed into a thin line. “A mugger punched me.” The smirk in his friend’s voice caused Peter’s shoulders to sag.

“You swung into a building, didn’t you?”

“Maybe just a little.” Peter replied

The snicker shielded behind Ned’s hand was the only response.

“It’ll hopefully be gone in a few hours.” Peter stated.

“Must’ve hit pretty hard.”

Peter folded up his study guide and tucked it into his bag. “So, have you talked to MJ?” For the past two days Peter had been asking the same question, with the same result. Each time Ned replied, Peter’s chest constricted farther. He found asking somewhat doused the blistering fire ravaging the cage of his ribs. Each day, he snuck more questions about MJ and Ned into conversation, hoping Ned would take the bait. Peter told himself he was only being inquisitive, told himself that the flame licking his interior was nothing more than curiosity.

“Actually, yeah,” Peter’s eyes zipped over to Ned’s, searching to find any extra information. “She answered the phone last night.”

Peter’s entire body pivoted towards Ned. He was up on his haunches now, ready to pounce. Grabbing Ned’s shoulders, Peter pulled him the smallest bit closer. “Well, what did she say?”

The natural almond shape of Ned’s eyes rounded. The shoulders beneath Peter’s increasing grip, stiffened. “Uh, nothing much. We just talked.” From the pitch of his voice, Peter found Ned’s statement unconvincing.

“Dude, you know I can tell when you’re lying right?”

Ned shrugged himself out of Peter’s hold. “Well, we did. We talked. That’s what people do on the phone.”

“What did you talk about?” Peter’s felt like all heat in his chest was aimed into lasers cutting Ned open.

Ned scrapped his teeth along his lip. His eyes broke away from Peter, all cylinders firing. “I, uh—I can’t tell you.”

“Why?” And then, the most horrific reasoning shot into Peter’s brain, as violently as possible. Maybe they’d not talked about the fight at all. Maybe, they’d talked about intimate things. Oh god. “Were you guys talking about—” His tongue suffered some type of temporary paralysis. He muddled through, forcing out the next words. “—like, sexual stuff?”

It was the first time Peter had seen Ned turn totally red. It wasn’t just a slight coloration under his dark skin. No, he was confident saying there was a full blush taking hold of his friend’s entire face. “No! Oh my god, no. That’s just—ugh,” His body managed a quiet shiver. “That’s so not what happened. That’s just gross.” He was still shaking his head, face blown into utter shell-shock.

Peter recoiled. “What did you say then?”

Ned, still reeling from Peters question, took a large chunk out of the breakfast sandwich dangling in his hand. “No. I mean, MJ’s great and all, don’t get me wrong. Super pretty, nice when she wants to be. But no, I’m just not into her that way and—” He froze in the middle of his sentence, mid chew on his sandwich. Peter could see the sense of doom crawling over his friend’s face. Something horrific was playing behind his eyes.

“Hold on, what?” Peter managed. There was a concoction of dangerous emotions welling up around his lungs, causing the air suck in. He hated to feel so relieved, Ned had sounded so dismissive to MJ, she didn’t deserve that. But then again, Peter had never known Ned to be so heartless with other’s feelings. It was like a frenzy. The fire was lighting in so many places across Peter’s body. Electricity felt like it was crackling in the air.

On the other hand, Ned looked completely shell-shocked. War veterans may have thought the poor kid had gone through some gruesome battle with the empty, terrified expression he wore. When his breathing picked up after it’s momentary pause, two small words wheezed out of his lips, “Oh shit.”

“What do you mean, Ned? What’s going on?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing.”

Peter tried again, not willing to let this opportunity slip him by. Ned had been acting weird ever since the secret came out about MJ and him. “What’s going on, dude? Seriously, you can tell me. Just what’s going on with you and MJ? Why aren’t you talking to me about it? You haven’t told me anything.”

Ned stood up, clearing his throat, searching for a way to escape. Peter could see the flight response in his eyes. “MJ has been all we’ve been talking about for the past two days.”

“No, you’ve been avoiding all of my questions. What aren’t you telling me?”

Ned glanced down the hall, chuckling. “You know, I think I dropped my study guide down the hall.” He tried to slip past Peter. Peter caught him by the arm, the momentum swinging them around. Somewhere behind them Flash made some lame joke about them dancing together.

Peter, hand clasped around Ned’s arm, begged him silently to talk to him. “Look, it sucks that you and MJ didn’t tell me about your relationship. I thought we were friends and you guys have totally shut me out and it’s seriously freaking me out. I just want to know what’s going on. Please, just, don’t shut me out.” Peter let his hand drop from Ned’s arm, too tired to fight the crush of desertion as he spoke what had been boiling under the surface for days.

There was a moment of silence, of understanding between the two. Ned was the first to break it, a sharp breath sucked in before he spoke. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” A smile stretched across Ned’s lips. Not the reaction Peter was expecting. “You’re totally digging MJ.”

“What? No. That’s not what’s—No. I’m not into—She’s your girlfriend. That’s just—” It just wasn’t true. MJ was his friend, just a friend. So, what if she had incredible hair, or soothing eyes? And, yeah, maybe he loved it when she watched Star Wars with him and her arm touched his just slightly, but Peter definitely didn’t love her. Peter didn’t love how when she looked into his eyes it was like he had never known loneliness. He, for sure, didn’t love that when she sang under her breath she captured the world’s attention with her melody. He didn’t think it was amazing that her hard exterior could handle anything the world threw at her, and it definitely wasn’t his favorite thing about her. Peter didn’t love Michelle, didn’t like her in any way beyond a platonic kinship. There was no way he had feelings for his sharp, sarcastic, and intelligently annoying friend. No way that he secretly loved that her style was a kaleidoscope of weirdness, or when her hair was secured to her head or floated around in natural coils. There was just no possible way that Peter felt that way about Michelle Jones.

“Peter, you’re awesome and all, but sometimes you’re actually really stupid.” Ned’s words broke Peter from his stupor. Ned was only smirking at him, no signs of betrayal that his best friend liked his girlfriend. Suddenly the anxiety, the fire in Peter’s chest, made so much more sense. The light bulb flickered on. Peter felt the realization crash into him. The circuitry in his brain fired and sparked. “Oh, dear god.” He tried to gauge Ned’s response. “I’m—I think... What am I gonna tell Gwen? Oh god, Ned, I’m so sorry.” He was frantically gesturing, as though to show just how sorry he was.

Ned reassured him with a calming smile. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal? You’re dating MJ. How is this not a big deal to you?”

Sighing, Ned rolled his eyes. “Dude, did it ever occur to you that maybe MJ and I aren’t dating?”

Peter stopped. “No, Ned. That was not something that crossed my mind.” Peter kept his voice level, but his brain was raging. “Wha—why would she say you guys are a couple then?”

Ned waved down the hallway, a smile breaking on his face. “Hey, MJ.” Peter jerked his head over to look. Walking down the hall, the light from the windows dancing across one side of her face, was MJ. Her teeth bit aggressively into the apple in her hand, and she raised her brows in greeting. “Maybe, she just wanted people to stop asking so many questions.” Ned answered under his breath as she approached.

“Alright Losers,” MJ said as she pulled open the door to the practice room. “Let’s hit the drills one last time. We’ve got three hours before we need to check in.”

Mr. Harrington, who had been awaiting MJ outside the practice room with everyone else, sighed. “Michelle, how many times do I have to tell you not to address the team as ‘Losers’.”

Ned pushed the still miffed Peter into the room after the rest of the team. Peter glimpsed MJ moving the table around and setting up the chairs on one side. “It’s just a simple team motivation strategy, Mr. Harrington. Makes them work harder.” She shot him an innocent smile and Peter thought maybe the room had exploded. There was no excuse as to why it took him so long to notice how his fingers and toes seemed to tingle around MJ, or how her smile caused his chest to swell.

“Bro, pull yourself together. Stop staring before it gets weird.” Ned hissed in his ear.

Peter blinked a few times, effectively cutting off his wandering thoughts. “MJ, do you think—”

“Alexa, you’re going to be put in for the competition. Justin can’t make it.” MJ’s eyes were focused on the study sheet in her hands. She marked something on the paper before shoving the pen behind her ear.

Flash scoffed. “Are you serious, Michelle? She’s brand new. I’ve been on the team for a year.”

Scowling, MJ turned to look at Flash. “Maybe it's because I don’t want to screw this up. You’ve never answered a single question during competition. And what you do answer during practice is wrong half the time.”

Flash started complaining to Mr. Harrington.

Peter turned to Ned. “Why is she still so pissed at me? You said she talked to you.”

“I told you, I can’t tell you.” Ned shrugged off his bag. “Just try talking to her yourself.”

Laughing quietly, Peter dropped his own bag to the floor. “Right, I never thought about that. How silly of me.” His eyes were murderous. Ned only shrugged before taking his seat at the table.

“The next person to talk is going to end up with a leather boot up their ass.” MJ wasn’t looking at Peter, but he snapped his jaw shut nevertheless. Peter plopped in next to Ned, shooting daggers his way.

From his chair behind MJ, Mr. Harrington let out a long, tired sigh. “Michelle, no threatening the team, and please watch your language.”

“Sorry,” She cleared her throat, readying her papers. “Alright. Economics. If the money multiplier equals eight, the reserve ratio equals?”

……………………………………………………………………..

Quarter to one o’clock, the team started to get ready to head backstage. Everyone was placing their cell phones and study guides into their bags, some of them sliding back into their bright yellow coats. Peter slid past Ned and dropped his sheet and phone into his bag.

MJ was marking something else on her study guide in the spot she’d been standing throughout the practice. When she placed the pen between her teeth, folding the paper neatly, Peter lightly pushed her by the small of her back out of the room.

“What the hell?” When they were in the hallway, tucked away in a classroom doorway, she elbowed his hand off her back.

Her glare was piercing, but Peter’s was growing with intensity too. The burning anxiousness that had been creating hopeless ash over the past two days burst into anger. “I could ask you the same thing.” His voice hissed, his words a snake, leaking the venom that had been shut inside him for days. He stepped closer, eyes just barely having to glare up at her. If she were barefoot she’d be the same height as him, but her clunky boots always gave her the advantage. “You’ve been ignoring me for days. I’ve tried to talk to you and you didn’t listen. I’ve been worried. You can’t—” Peter managed a strangled breath, pushing back down the words he couldn’t say. The words that showed Peter Parker couldn’t handle three days of being ignored by her because he felt abandoned. Instead, he averted his eyes, trying to come up with the right words. “I’m sorry about the movie night. Gwen pushed and so did I, and you’re right, it’s nobody’s business. I was just curious who you liked, and when Gwen started asking about you and Ned. I thought you guys were a couple and didn’t tell me. I never wanted to make you so upset, but I just—I can’t keep wondering if you hate me over this. If you want to flush a year long friendship down the toilet because of one mistake that’s your decision, but I don’t agree with you on that. You just mean—”

“Peter, calm down.” Her voice, smooth, with just enough edge, brought him back. He realized he hadn’t really been seeing anything at all until her eyes enveloped his vision. The steady, unwavering, gaze that he’d been striving to connect with for days was now focused solely on him. Her hand reached over and gently squeezed his wrist, spreading a cool warmth up his arm. The feeling of desolation—of being the boy stuck forever in the prison of a room—was fading, floating away into the wind. “I’m not angry.” She still wore her dissociation from the world like a mask on her face, but it was just a mask. Peter could see the emotion brimming in her eyes. The guilt. “I was embarrassed. Really embarrassed, about letting everything boil over like that, and then yelling at you. I feel so bad about it.” She was fiddling with the paper still clutched in her hands.

This was one of the few times Peter saw MJ lacking her hardened exterior. He could see the uncertainty washing over her face. There was even the slightest blush kissing her nose and cheeks.

Peter crushed her into an embrace, his chin resting perfectly on the curve of her shoulder. Her body froze. In all the time Peter knew MJ, he couldn’t remember a time when they’d ever hugged. “I was so worried you’d never talk to me again.” MJ’s heart was beating against his chest and it was the most wonderful thing he’d experienced in his life. It was home. “Next time,” He spoke into her hair, which smelled like lavender, “I’d rather you yell at me for three days than ignore me.” She laughed against his shoulder, just a chuckle, but he felt it soothing the barbed knot that had been tightening in his throat.

“Fair enough, Loser.” When her slender arms wound around his shoulders, he was no longer grounded to the earth. He was grounded to her.

“Peter?” He knew the voice. He broke away from MJ, and if there had been a sound of their embrace breaking, it would’ve been a booming crack.

There Gwen stood, dressed in her Student Council sweater and a flowing tulle skirt that was the same cream color as her hair. Her eyes shot between Peter and MJ, calculating. “Gwen, hey. Uhm, MJ and I were just having a friendship moment there.” Guilt was clawing his stomach to shreds. He wasn’t planning on breaking up with her until after Prom. He wasn’t going to be the heartless dick who broke up with her a week before the biggest dance of the year.

Gwen smiled, her teeth perfectly straight and white against the peach coloring of her lips. Peter sensed no malice behind her smile. “I’m glad you guys made up.” She motioned her head down the hall, her fingers folding into both her pockets. “But the decathlon is about to start, and I’ve been tasked to come find you. So, you might want to book it in there.”

MJ stuffed the paper in her pocket. She glanced at the clock above the lockers on the opposite wall. It was five to one. “Oh, Shit!” MJ was already sprinting down the hall.

Gwen, with her hands hidden in her sweater, her smile turned into a sweet grin. The smallest drop of sadness in her eyes. Peter stepped toward her, reaching out. He wanted to explain, tell her that he didn’t know this would happen, that he didn’t want to hurt her. “Gwen—”

“It’s ok, Peter. We’ll talk later.” She bumped her shoulder against his, that same wonderfully kind smile was still on her lips. In a way, he wished she’d just be angry with him, her kindness was making him feel worse. “Now go. You’ve got a competition to win.”

…………………….

“We are now entering sudden death. The next team to answer this question correctly will win the District Competition and advance to Regionals this June.” The host of the decathlon presented a showy smile to each side, gesturing with a manicured hand to the small trophy the winning team would receive as a physical prize.

Peter shifted in his seat, setting his elbows on the table. There were bells placed in front of each of the twelve participants. Six on each team. Everyone was gearing up for the question. “Alright, here is our final question of the night!” Each person on both tables leaned forward just the slightest bit. “This is an Economics question. The question is: If the money multiplier equals eight, the reserve ratio equals?”

MJ’s hand slammed down on the buzzer. “Midtown Tech?”

Peter couldn’t believe their luck. The question was exactly how they’d studied it during practice. Mr. Harrington had even mentioned that the money multiplier wasn’t mentioned in depth in the practice guides and studying it wasn’t crucial.

MJ shrugged, turned her head towards the official, and Peter could see the slightest twitch of her lip. There was the glimmer of pride in her eye. He could see how much this meant to her. “Twelve-point-five percent.”

There was a drawn-out silence. The entire team knew they’d won, they were all trying to keep their excitement to a minimum until it was officially announced. Peter clasped Ned and MJ’s hands under the table. “Midtown Tech has won the District Division!” The team immediately ruptured into shouts and chants. Peter swept MJ out of her seat and hugged her. The entire team joining in. He could feel her quiet laughter bubbling over everyone’s happy shouts. Her beaming smile was pressed against Peter’s neck. Out in the crowd somewhere, Peter could distinctly hear May screaming over the applause.

The group-hug lasted only a few seconds more before the team broke off. They all collectively walked over to shake the other team’s hands. A particularly greasy looking kid gave MJ more of a sneer than a polite smile. Her face remained cold as ever, but it didn’t stop Peter from glowering at the kid when he shook his hand.

Before Peter could even reach the next person, the kid called over the official. The crowd was still cheering, Ned was pushing at Peter to move, but something bad was about to happen. He could feel the tingle rushing over his arms, up his neck. When the official arrived at the boy, Peter perked his ears up. Pushing away Ned’s jabbing hands, Peter shushed Ned as the official leaned his ear to the boy’s mouth.

Peter picked up the conversation easily, it was second nature by this point. “Sir, I don’t mean to be a poor loser. But, I’m only concerned about Midtown Tech’s captain.” Peter’s eyes shot over to MJ, she was shaking the last person’s hand, starting to move toward the edge of the stage. “Sir, I only noticed that she has a paper sticking out of her pocket, I was concerned that it was possibly a guide or quiz answers. I found it suspicious she knew so quickly the final question after my team had only begun working it out.” Peter’s heart stopped. As the kid had said, there was a folded sheet of paper barely sticking out of MJ’s back pocket. It had been hidden up until this point by her decathlon jacket. When they’d all hugged her, it must have pushed her jacket behind the paper. Peter knew with absolute certainty MJ had no idea it was still there.

With a few words into a walkie-talkie, the official called for MJ to be taken aside. Peter had managed five swift steps towards her, but she was already to the edge of the stage, just out of his reach, when a security guard pulled her off to the side. Mr. Harrington arrived beside her just before Peter did. “Miss, we’re going to have to ask to see your pockets.”

Mr. Harrington interjected, “What’s this all about?” He shoved the glasses back up his nose, his eyes carrying over the officer.

“Sir, your student has been accused of cheating—”

“What?” MJ’s arms swung out, nearly elbowing Peter’s gut, before she folded them firmly across her chest. Peter attempted to slip his hand into her pocket, just enough to grab the paper and store it in his own jacket.

“Sir,” The officer’s tone was unyielding, and Peter’s head snapped up. His fingers were inches from the paper, but the officer was right there, his eyes clearly staring at the little corner of white peeking out of MJ’s forest-green jeans. “I see what you’re trying to do, and you need to back away.”

MJ twisted her head around, her glare finding Peter’s fingers inches from her bottom, and inches from the paper in her pocket. Her indifference broke so thoroughly, so quickly, Peter felt like he’d been gut punched. Stoic and unbreakable as MJ was, it was like crushing diamonds when her eyes burned out. The flicker of fire in them giving way to dread.

“It’s mine!” The confession was easy. He needed to save MJ from that look plastered on her face, from the thing inside her that was causing her eyes to dim so drastically. He could save her from it. Peter knew he could. He stepped in front of her. Looking the officer dead in the eye and lied. “It’s mine, I was planting it on her.” Four pointed knuckles jabbed into Peter’s back, He shot MJ a hard glare over his shoulder, urging her not to intervene.

The officer crossed his arms, unconvinced. “Why would you sabotage your own team member?”

The entire team was starting to circle around. Mr. Harrington was trying his best to push them back, as well as get a word in with the officer. Peter spoke over him. “I, uh—hate her. I’d rather see the whole team go down than have her win for us.”

The officer swept Peter out of the way. “Look, kid, I really don’t have time for heroics. Come on, Miss.” MJ stepped up to the officer, oozing broken confidence, and pulled out the paper in her back pocket. Her fingers dropped it into the officer’s hand.

An official showed up, talking over the radio. Midtown’s principal trailed behind. “Is this her?” The official asked. The officer nodded, and before Peter could get another word in, they were taking MJ away with Mr. Harrington in tow.

The entire team converged on Peter. Flash was grasping their newly won trophy like an idiot. “Parker. What just happened?”

The anger was tinting his world red, he wanted to punch that sniveling kid who’d ratted on MJ. He looked over. The kid was gone. Flash was the only asshole available. “Put down the trophy, Flash. You didn’t even compete, you look like an idiot.”

Flash’s chest puffed out, his nostrils flared, and Peter was ready to aim his fist right at them. “Say that again, Penis. I dare you.” Flash growled.

All Peter needed to do was cock his fist back and let it fly. He got as far as snapping his back his fist before two small hands were pulling his arm down. Two more arms were holding him back. Ned was yelling in his ear to leave Flash alone, that he wasn’t worth it.

“You’re so fucking full of yourself!” Years of pent up anger, of swallowed pride, was bursting from Peter at the seams. Ned was dragging him back with the help of the mystery hands.  Abe was grasping with all his might to keep Flash from launching at Peter.

When the stage door closed and there was nothing but the silence of the hallway and the shimmering light of the evening sun filtering through the glass, Peter finally shrugged Ned off.

“Dude, what was that?” Peter turned to Ned and could only stare at the scrape on the peak of Ned’s cheekbone.

“Where did—? Ned, did I do that?” A rush of shame hit him. He’d hit his best friend. He’d lost his temper.

Ned touched his cheek lightly, checking for blood. “It’s not a big deal, Peter. You just bumped me.” He smiled, as if that would fix Peter’s impending guilt.

“Peter, what’s going on? What was that?” Gwen stepped out of nowhere, Peter assumed she’d been the other set of hands pulling him back. He rapidly checked her for any bruises, but she seemed fine. Her ponytail was now slightly askew.

The hum in Peter’s bones, the memory of MJ’s face, crippled him. His back smacked against the wall and he sunk. The ground smacked his bottom hard, his head fell between his hands. “They think MJ cheated. When I talked to her before we went in, I’d grabbed her before she put her study guide away. We had to run to get in the gym on time and she must’ve put it in her pocket without thinking.” He sighed. “They could expel her.”

“I don’t think they’d expel her. She’s an amazing captain and she’s got amazing grades. There’s no way they’ll expel her for cheating. She didn’t even cheat, we both sat by her, there’s no way she cheated.”

Peter knocked his head back against the bricks of the wall. “May’s probably wondering what’s going on. Why she hasn’t seen us yet.” Peter stood, ready to go seek her out and explain what’s been going on.

Gwen helped him up, worry etched into her brows. “Ned, maybe you could go get Peter’s aunt and then meet us by the principal's office? That’s probably where they took MJ. Is that ok, Peter?”

Peter could only stare for a long moment. Gwen was a gorgeous and wonderful person. He could only hope that she found a guy that deserved her. “Yeah, that works.” Ned headed off down the hallway, leaving Gwen and Peter alone.

Peter risked a glance at Gwen. He knew the conversation was coming, and he had no idea how to broach it.

The subject was addressed by Gwen right away. “You love her, don’t you?” There was a long spell where she gave Peter the time to find his words. None of the words or sentences he could think of would do. He didn’t even know if he loved MJ, but he sure knew that he liked her a lot. After a reasonable amount of Peter’s floundering jaw, Gwen cut in again, her voice sweet and calm. Her hands were tucked into her yellow student council sweater yet again. “You do, even if you don’t want to admit it. I have a good eye for these types of things, always have.” Her smile was small, understanding, and he ducked her head down. The fine hairs on her ponytail hovered in the minuscule breeze walking created. “I know this isn’t the time to bring this up, but were you going to tell me?”

Peter finally swallowed his tongue and managed to find some words. “Yes. I mean, I only figured it out today—that I like her. I was going to tell you as soon as I could, though. But I didn’t want to tell you before Prom and ruin it for you. I asked you and I still want you to have a good time, it’s just—”

“I’m just not the person you want to be with the most.” She shrugged. “I’m not going to say I’m not upset. I do like you, Peter. You’re very kind and funny, but I’m sure that this won’t hurt for too long.” Peter cocked an eyebrow. She laughed. “You know what I mean. We’ve barely started this,” She motioned between the two of them. “Thing.”

Peter laughed this time. “I really am sorry. I didn’t want you not to have a date for Prom.”

“Oh, I’ll have a date. You can’t get out that easy, Parker. I’d love to go as friends, if you’re not set on dumping me completely, that is.” She bumped her shoulder into his, stopping outside of the darkened front office. Peter could see a sliver of light under the door.

 He took a glance away from the door and smiled at Gwen. Her eyes were soft, if a little sad, but in all she looked okay. “Nope. I’d be honored to take you out.” Gwen smiled back at him. She wrapped an arm around Peter’s bicep. It was comfortably platonic and did well to help calm the anxieties rearing their ugly heads.

There was a door between MJ and himself. He could be doing so much more to help her, but he was stuck on the wrong side of the door.

When Aunt May and Ned showed up, they had half the team in tow. They’d ended up camped outside of the office, waiting. The afternoon light turned into the blue ashy color of twilight. May had been trying to get ahold of MJ’s mom, but it repeatedly went to voicemail every time. Peter mentioned that MJ had said last week that her mom was going to be out of the country on business. May left multiple voicemails and text messages just to be safe.

By the time the lights flicked on in the hallway, Cindy’s head was on Alexa’s lap and her feet in Abe’s. Ned had placed both MJ’s and his bag beside him against the wall. He was going through his phone to pass the time. Gwen had also stayed, her head resting against Peter’s shoulder as she to scrolled through her phone. Seeing how she switched her position every ten or so minutes, Peter realized he was nothing more than a more comfortable cushion than the wall.  

May checked her watch. “They’ve been in there for a while.” She eyed Peter with a sly smile. “You think she’s putting up a fight?”

“If she didn’t I’d be worried.” Peter said. The light under the office door flickered. Flickered again.

May’s smile turned into a retrospective, prideful one. “That’s my girl.”

Then Peter could see people through the glass. He bolted up, Gwen and Ned following soon after. The decathlon official, with her curly red hair and snug high-waisted khakis, emerged first, casting a curious look towards the group of kids sprawled on the floor. The officer then emerged, followed by Mr. Harrington. May shot over to Mr. Harrington instantly. They began talking in hushed whispers, as was common with adults in situations like this.

MJ snuck around Mr. Harrington, her eyes never rising from the floor. Peter couldn’t see the brown of them beyond her bangs. He took a small step forward, before Gwen grabbed his wrist. So lightly that only he could hear, Gwen whispered. “I don’t know her like you do, but she doesn’t look like she wants to talk right now.”

Peter was just about to discount what Gwen had said until MJ’s eyes finally, painfully slowly, dragged up to meet Peter’s. The blood in his veins came to a complete halt, he felt the impact deep in his chest, piercing the place where everyone he cared about was kept.

Michelle Jones was crying.

Her eyes were puffy, red, and even as she looked at him a tear skidded down her cheek, crashing into her lips. Her throat visibly contracted. Her eyes bounced between Ned and Peter, Peter and Gwen.

Peter had no idea what had happened, what had gone so wrong as to cause MJ to cry. He never thought God himself could make MJ cry. It just wasn’t possible.

“MJ—” He reached out, ready to catch her, wanting desperately to heal her. “What happened?”

His only answer was the quiet shake of her eye as she averted her eyes once more and walked down the hallway. Everything was silent. May had halted her conversation, eyes raking over MJ, just as shocked as the others.

Ned called after her so did Peter, neither one knowing if they should run after her or not. She disappeared around the corner, looking like a specter floating aimlessly away. “What do we do?” Ned asked the question, Peter needed the answer. He was so close to running after her, he would have if the shock of what just happened hadn’t immobilized him.

May stepped between the boys, her eyes never leaving the corner MJ had disappeared behind. “You don’t do anything right now. I’ll go talk to her, see what I can do.”

Neither boys argued, they merely watched as May disappeared around the corner after MJ.

Taglist: @themainek @monikastec @psychicrunawaybouquet-aus @avengers-gonna-avenge @nerdofthehighestcalibre @itsrockannelove @ladybugrodriguez @you-guys--are-losers @princessechahrazad @whydoineedtowriteanamehere

If you guys want to be notified for future chapter updates, send me a message or an ask!

[allaboutwannaone-blog]

enemies to lovers!sungwoon 

genre: fluff word count: 2.0k summary: would you listen to your heart, or your mind in the face of love? author’s note: first scenario up, sorry if its too cringey (´・ω・`)  /edits are mine!/

• well *claps three times sassily*

• iTs hA sAeng uN tiMe

• sungwoon was,,, really just like any other classmate (who sits behind you)

• aside from his obnoxiously stupid loud voice (which you’ll grow to love shh)

• and his stupid round glasses that dEfiNiteLy dIdN’T sUiT hIm aT aLL???!! (inserts overly used spongebob meme)

• and his stupid lips that look like clouds (and probably tastes like them too) 

• and his stupidly sparkly eyes and his stupidly cute height and jUst uGh

• come to think of it he was never really a normal person and you were just a wee bit attracted to him JUST A WEE BIT A WEE BIT 

• but ever since this argument you had in front of the entire class,, the wee feelings you thought you had for him disappeared (did it really??) because boi he is annoying  눈_눈 

• it was literature class and your teacher!jisung was asking a question about whether you should follow your heart or your mind when making a choice 

• jisung: “so…y/n, what do you think?”

• you: “actually, i personally think that thinking with your mind is a better option because it will lead you to making a more rational choice, since your heart may make risky decisions based on your emotions. following your heart will not work well in situations that are pressurising.”

• jisung: “brilliant, any other opinions, class?”

• sungwoon: “well, actually, i personally think that your argument is flawed because your mind is logical and logic follows the conventional way of thinking. you’ll never get to go out of your comfort zone! you’ll never take any risk! that’s why you have to think with your heart. think, think!”

• oH HO aH HA *rubs hands in glee* D RA M A

• you: “but taking risks will get you into trouble!”

• sungwoon: “well that’s because you’re a goody-two-shoes!”

• you: “says the one who hasn’t skipped school before.”

• him: “says the one who never fails to hand up your homework on time.”

• you both: “sAYS THE ONE-“

• jisung, exasperatedly: “ALRIGHT CLASS, LET’S SETTLE DOWN, NO FIGHTING BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE UNDERAGE.” 

• ok but he’s secretly shipping you guys together because oo you both noticed each other’s habits in school mHmMmMmMmm!m

• anyway

• that was the beginning of the hatred between the two of you,, you were like bij what the feck 

• queueing for food in the cafeteria? sungwoon secretly slips in front of you when you're distracted,, talking to your friends

• you confront him about it - but he acts like he doesn't know anything even though the small smirk on his face tells you otherwise,, and that infuriated you to no end

• having lessons? you turn behind and ‘accidentally’ knock over his pencil case to pass him papers teachers give out 

• you feel bad whenever he has to pick everything back up but your pride ain't gonna let you stoop that low to help the enemy so you just kind of just signal to your lab partner baejin to help him and he's always ʘ‿ʘ because he knows something’s up but only for a moment as he remembers you have the video of him headbanging on top of a table once because he didn't hear you entering his dorm room,,,bUT THATS A STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME

• however,, one day when you were going home after long gruelling hours in prison (jk school), you decided to take a detour to a convenience store since you are a thirstin’ and hungry hoe 

• after spending eons deciding on which snack to buy (you ended up buying one of each of the five types you painstakingly shortlisted), you finally decided to go and pay

• bUT GUESS WHO YOU SAW ????? (cues the ‘no shit, sherlock’s)

• yes it is,,, HA SUNGWOON1!1!1!!1!1!1!!

• but he wasn't alone

• was he with a girlfriend????? boyfriend????

• NO!!

• he was with an old lady

• and well, being the nosy person you are, you crept closer forward to figure out what they're saying in front of a pissed off cashier while pretending to look at the drinks

• old lady: “i’m sorry, i do not have enough money to pay for everything. are you sure there's no discount for the elderly? i have the card with me-”

• cashier, rudely cuts in: “this is the second time you're asking me that, and the answer is. still. no. fix your hearing, will you?”

• sungwoon: “fix you manners, will you? i’ll pay for her as well so shut the hell up and start being polite, will you?”

• the mildly stunned cashier decided to shut the hell up and started being polite; scanning their items and even bowed to them after they left.

• however, all you noticed was the blinding smile sungwoon gave to the lady.

• it made you feel things

• good things

• something sort of like…butterflies in your stomach

• your mind tells you to sTOP THINKING OF FRATERNISING WITH YOUR ENEMY THAT’S A BIG NO-NO

• …but your heart speaks otherwise

• you decided to leave the store after purchasing your goods (not without giving the cashier a stink eye) not long after ,, and surprise, surprise!

• you knocked your forehead against the chin of someone (that someone has an unbelievably sharp chin and it probably left a dent in your skull) coming into the store

• and it was,,, sungwoon?? again??

• him: “wait, you…were in there the whole time?”

• you: *blinks* *nods dazedly*

• him: “oh…um, i, um forgot to buy my milk and you’re, um, blocking the entrance?”

• you: “oh.” *doesn’t budge*

• you, 10 seconds later: “youdidwellbacktheregoodjobokbye” *runs away*

• you realised that that was actually your first conversation with him that didn't include any fighting…and you screwed it up 

• but why do you even care about that?? like, who cares if you talk to him??

• “you do.” your smol beating heart whispers.

• and that was the day you started falling for him.

• you started noticing how he always seemed to pick up your pen whenever you try some cool tricks which often resulted in it flying backwards (and hitting him once but you swear it was an accident)

• how he never fails to try his best and give you constructive feedback whenever the teacher told you guys to switch papers to mark (even though he’ll always add in some snarky remarks like “hah betcha didn't listen in class”)

• how he defends his friends when they get laughed at for not knowing how to answer questions at times 

• how his lips look so full and cloud-like 

• but what about him, then? does he feel the same?

• honestly,, the day you ran away after complimenting was the incident that really got him thinking that hey i’m really am whipped

• yes that's rIGHT

• he liked you even before that incident because you looked cute bickering with him (he thought you resembled a smol angry bird)

• and that day just,, confirmed his suspicions that he really likes you

• but he was scared,,

• that you’ll reject him because in his opinion,, you looked like you hated him a lot

• he had no idea how to rectify that because honestly bothering you was the only way he could keep talking to you 

• bUt hAh jokes on both of you guys because you like each other 

• hOWEVER, THERE WAS A PROBLEM

• none of you are budging to make the first move even though you guys keep staring at each other across the cafeteria 

• small accidental (🤔🤔) brushes of hands when passing down assignments make you feel fuzzy inside 

• shy smiles are now exchanged instead of mock glares anD eveRyoNe around y’all is just like “feck this tension between you guys, i’ll die before y’all even kiss”

• and you're just “…hAhh no he doesn't like me…NOT THAT I LIKE HIM EITHER” (baejin: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

• to make sure that everyone lives to see you guys become an item,, sungwoon’s and your friends decided to hatch a plan to get you guys together (they deadass created a group chat for it called ‘we are gonna make this happen’ what jokes)

• …that's why you find yourself pacing up and down the garden in your school (it's monstrous and no lie you were kinda afraid of it but nvm) because your bestie told you to meet her there after eating lunch and you're just like ?? i thought you had a meeting 

• her: stfu nobody asked for your opinion jUst gO aLonG wiTh tHe fLoW jk i love you

• when you finally heard the crunching of leaves and twigs, you launched into your rant like bRUH I’VE BEEN WAITING HERE FOR TWENTY MINUTES WHY ARE-

• unknown: “…sorry?”

• you, a stuttering and blushing mess: “oh-h sor-ry i thought you were my b-best friend because i was supposed to b-be meeting her here.”

• sungwoon, a tad shyly: “wait, what? my friends told me to meet them here too!”

• you: “…oh. guess we have to wait together…then.”

• after five minutes of agonising awkwardness (istg the both of you were dying to speak but it was like there was this invisible barrier), you couldn't take it anymore 

• you: “um, so-”

• sungwoon, at the same time, loudly: “UM, SO-“

• you: “ok you go first”

• him: “no you go first”

• you: “no YOU go first”

• him: “fine”

• you: “fine”

• you: “why aren't you speaking????”

• you, looking over worriedly at the flustered boy: “did you become mute??? are you sick?? your ears are turning red!!!!!”

• him, after a one minute mental pep talk: “okay so you're one of the dumbest persons i've ever met but you're also one of the prettiest too and i've been waiting to say this for the past few months but i really like you a lot but i know that you hate me and want me to be banished to the other side of the world and i'll back off if you don't like me which is a highly possible answer but i like you a lot and fuck why am i rambling”

• you: “wait shut up and let me process what you just said”

• you: *processes for a long time because yOU CANT BELIEVE YOUR CRUSH LIKED YOU BACK*

• him: “…oooookay i’m about to be rejected i should skedaddle away right now”

• and honestly you felt like you could burst but no you can't burst because then you'll never be his girlfriend so you try to keep your guts from exploding 

• but sungwoon was already leaving ,,, you have to takE A C TION 

• so you ran up to him and told him that you actually reciprocate his feelings ,, and you gave him the best hug you could ever give (one that u reserved for only your soft toys and well technically sungwoon is as soft as a soft toy so it makes sense)

• HE WAS SHOCKED, SURPRISED, STUNNED, SHOOK, SURPRISED, SHOCKED (…what else i am not a living thesaurus ffs) 

• his heart was doing that little jump thingy whenever he was around you like “!1!1!!1!????!1!!!!” and he was so happy he wanted to turn around and kiss you but 

• AT THAT MOMENT BEFORE YOU GOT TO TASTE HIS CLOUD LIKE LIPS

• you heard the rustling of leaves and a group of people climbed out of their hiding spots in bushes, behind plants, trees, a random beach chair

• daniel: HEY HEY HEY KEEP IT PG-13 OR THE POLICE WILL COME

• baejin: yEA WE HAVE A BABY HERE *points to daehwi*

• jihoon: and we won't want to scar our eyes lololol no offence to you y/n this is directed to our hyung

• your bestie: i KNEW THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA

• ,,,and that was the end of your fiasco in the garden (not without those bright smiles from your boyfriend that could actually save the world and a few pecks sneaked in) 

• BUT IT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE CUTEST RELATIONSHIP EVER WITH SUNGWOON, AN ANGEL,,

• and you realised that hey you thought with your heart when you confessed to him lmao

[smallcowplant]

your legacy is my absolute favourite and i've been following legacies for nearly 5 years now! do you have any tips for someone just starting a simblr?

aww, wow, that is quite the compliment! I’m so honored to be your favorite! as for the second part of your ask, there are so many good guides to having a simblr on this site already! I know that cupidjuice did one recently, and that’s pretty in-depth! but I’ll include my biggest tips here—nothing that I’m about to say is groundbreaking lol.

tiparoonies from sam regarding simblr

1. just make an account 

Dude…I’ve been on tumblr for eons. Through the Mishapocalypse, the Loki fangirls, all the Pepe memes, that stupid post about the tumblr code being ‘I like your shoelaces’, and much more nonsense. There’s nothing really shocking about this platform to me now, since I’ve seen the messier parts of it. However, I must say is that simblr is one of the most positive places that I’ve ever existed in! That’s not to say that there aren’t icky parts of it, but by and far, I enjoy my time here a lot! So don’t be afraid! Go ahead and make an account! Play with your theme, curate your dashboard, and run with it baby!

2. there’s a bit of etiquette in the community, but it usually just boils down to politeness

respect creators tou’s, be polite when asking for wcifs, yadda yadda (super basic stuff, sorry)

3. post whatever you want to post 

Do you like storytelling? Or is editing more your jam? Making cc? Or anything in-between? Post it. This is your blog and your artistic expression. It’s not a job. I make exactly $0.00 for writing my posts, editing them, and maintaining this blog. And guess what? I don’t mind. Why? I’m doing this because I enjoy it. Don’t feel tethered down to one single aesthetic or style—you, and your content, will grow and change! Let it! Don’t make your stuff to please/impress people. Make it because it pleases and impresses you.

4. network with people/ be semi-social 

If you’re a bit lousy with messaging or communicating long stretches of text over the internet (as I am), never fear! Many people understand this and will not fault you for it! You can always take the time to comment under someone’s posts/shoot them an ask if you like it or have some input! Even an emoji or a quick word can make someone happy—it reaffirms that someone’s listening, and that they’re not throwing content out into the dark void of the internet! If you’re not comfortable with that, take baby steps! Like the posts of the creators you enjoy! Believe me, they see you and appreciate you so much. 

but most of all have fun lol

[thisislizheather]

March Mayhem 2020

Above Photo: Momofuku Milk Bar birthday cake

How do I even start this? Why am I even writing this? Does any of this matter? I don’t know.

Life is not normal anymore and I don’t know when it will be. That sentence alone makes me want to bury myself underneath a blanket with Baby Dog and never come out. There have been such nice, calming days mixed with insane, sleepless nights and I can’t find a balance and I guess nobody can and we’re all in this together. So what are you supposed to do? Stay home. Eat everything. Listen to music you love. Watch things that make you happy. Write to people who care for you. Read things that can uplift you or help you escape. And in the meantime, I guess I’m here to tell you what I loved and hated over the past month. Behold the best meme I’ve seen in a long time.

NOTE: All of the things below that involved me leaving my house happened before March 15th when life in NYC was still semi-normal.

I finally went for dinner at I Sodi and it was disappointing! What the fuck! This isn’t rocket science but why would cold bread be served in a covered basket? Shouldn’t warm bread be covered? For christ’s sake, just throw the bread at me if it’s cold. Also, a good steak tartare doesn’t need any lettuce accessories, get the fucking leaves off of the plate, please. And their lasagna? Yikes. It was overcooked and it felt like eating a sad book. Will not return. (Ugh, even if I wanted to return I can’t.)

I had a slice at Best Pizza Shop in Astoria and it was great! Love a Detroit style slice.

I made it over to Comfortland in Astoria and their crullers were delicious.

I finally tried the birthday cake at Momofuku Milk Bar and my god… the vanilla one (which is even better than the chocolate) is probably the best cake I’ve ever had. You can get them by the slice at their flagship store in NYC or you can be ambitious as hell and make one at home.

The cannoli cream cheese at Brooklyn Bagel & Coffee Company in Astoria is a problem, don’t try it or you’ll forever be in love.

I made a list of things to do during this quarantine that I’m really trying to keep up with.

You can see my favourite tweets of the month over here.

I watched the (Hulu) Hillary documentary online and it was phenomenal. Everyone should see it.

I chose the Briogeo birthday gift from Sephora and MAN was that the wrong choice. It lasts for two showers! What the hell! I should’ve went with the Milk one. Don’t make my mistake. Oh! And if your birthday falls within the quarantine, just go online to get your birthday gift because they have free shipping right now with the code FREESHIP and you’ll have to buy something since they won’t allow a cart with no total amount, but the cheapest thing you can buy are the mini Sephora Collection cleansing wipes which are $2. So spending $2.19 (tax included) for a birthday gift, makeup wipes and two samples is still pretty good, in my opinion.

On the other hand, the birthday gift from Ulta is incredible. It’s full size and it’s just a great face scrub. It’ll definitely last at least six months, and I like it so much that I might buy another one when it’s done. Sephora could really learn some things from Ulta.

Other than listening to The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack on repeat, I really love this song. Ignore the title.

Nathan and I attempted to rewatch Final Destination and just couldn’t. There are certain movies you just can’t watch at this point in time.

We watched Ticks as well and that was somehow more of an enjoyable time.

Also watched They Live, which I can’t believe I’d never seen before. It’s like a longer Twilight Zone episode, which means it was great.

So incredibly sad to hear about Gotham Bar & Grill. Their food was incredible.

One thing that I’ve started to do is watch food clips in the morning right after I wake up. It’s better than checking your email. It’s better than reading the news. It’s better than anything you’re currently doing. Here’s what I watched this morning.

Had lunch at Astoria Provisions and the food was as good as I hoped. The service was lovely, too.

I made a deconstructed poutine at home on my birthday and it was perfect. I cooked the potatoes, then I spread the curds on top and baked those to melt it a bit. And then I made the gravy and kept the gravy in a separate bowl for dunking. Nothing got soupy or gross! The fries stayed crispy! It was genius, I say.

Why haven’t I always bought my bedsheets at Marshalls? I got a lovely Kate Spade set for $40, which is a deal.

Another incredible New Yorker cover.

Above Photo: By Eric Drooker

I haven’t really attempted to watch any whole episodes of any of the late night talk shows lately but the fact that Jimmy Fallon has his wife filming it and his kids in it is really cute.

I went to Fantasy Explosion in Brooklyn and it was great, wish they had more stuff but what they do have is wicked.

I finished watching the new season of On My Block and just wow (spoilers ahead). Here are my thoughts: I love Jasmine so much and I wish she was the main star of the show, Jamal having sex like that was so weird and abnormal I was almost confused by it, the scene with Spooky and his dad made me cry and I fucking sobbed at the ending.

If you live in Mississauga, The Apple Market (by Camilla Public School) can pull your grocery order for you and you can pick it up curbside if you email them your grocery list to info@theapplemarket.ca - thank you for telling me about this, Marla! It’s eons faster than other major grocery stores are right now, and you’re also helping out a small business, so definitely look into it if you’re interested.

The restaurant Vesta in Astoria is giving out free meals to any laid off restaurant workers in the neighborhood, which is so generous and amazing, love that place, they’ll give you more details if you call them.

I went over what I did from my winter list of things to do.

I went on Nathan’s podcast twice and baby you’re gonna be hearing me lots more on it in the coming weeks.

I’m a maniac so I made a spring list of things I want to do.

Things that I’m looking forward to this month: I got a gift card to Sephora from my brother and sister-in-law so I’ll definitely use that (looking for recommendations of new things to try, thinking of getting more Drunk Elephant products since I’ve loved the samples I’ve had in the past), watching more Elaine and Puddy episodes of Seinfeld, I keep thinking of starting Friday Night Lights again but there are so many other things to watch so I can’t decide, I think I’ll write another quarantine ideas list since I keep thinking of more things to add on, and oh can we cancel April Fools Day this year? Nobody needs it right now.

P.S. I love this little girl and I love this song.