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#it’s been months and they’re still all i can think about
harrysfolklore · 1 day
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can we have a little honorary wag blurb where she’s freaking out about meeting charles’s entire friend group but when she does , she gets along with them really well and baby chiara ADORES her 🥹
thank you for sending this request, i really missed writing about these babiesss 🥺🥺 i hope you like thisss
READ THE HONORARY WAG HERE
A few weeks had passed since Kika and Pierre’s wedding, and life had settled into a pleasant routine for you and Charles. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, and you were sprawled on the couch in Charles’ living room, a cozy blanket wrapped around you as you watched TV.
Charles was in the kitchen, making coffee. You could hear him humming to himself, a soft, contented sound that made you smile. The past few weeks had been a whirlwind, but you were finally finding your rhythm together, and it felt perfect.
Being his girlfriend felt perfect.
“Do you want anything with your coffee, mon coeur?” Charles called out, his voice carrying into the living room.
“Just some cookies, if we have any,” you replied, stretching out and snuggling deeper into the blanket.
Charles appeared a few minutes later, balancing two mugs of coffee and a plate of cookies. He handed you your mug and placed the plate on the coffee table before sitting down beside you.
“Thanks,” you said, taking a sip of the coffee. It was perfect, just the way you liked it.
Charles smiled and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close. “I could get used to this,” he said, his voice soft and full of warmth.
You leaned into him, feeling a sense of contentment. “Me too. It’s nice to have some time to just relax and be together.”
He kissed the top of your head, his lips lingering for a moment. “So, I've bee thinking."
You turned to look at him, curiosity piqued by his tone. "Oh? About what?"
Charles took a sip of his coffee before continuing, "Well, we've been together for almost a month now, and things have been going really well…"
"They have," you agreed, smiling up at him.
"And I was thinking," he continued, his fingers absently playing with a strand of your hair, "maybe it's time for you to meet my friends. My whole friend group, I mean."
You felt a small flutter of nervousness in your stomach. You'd met some of Charles' friends in passing, of course, but the idea of meeting his entire friend group felt significant.
"Your whole friend group?" you repeated, trying to keep your voice casual.
Charles nodded, his eyes searching your face. "Yeah. Joris, who you've already met a few times, Riccardo and Marta, and a few others. They're really important to me, and… well, you're really important to me too. I'd love for you all to get to know each other better."
You almost melted at his words, his green eyes looking at you with a tenderness that made you regret not looking at them for so long.
It wasn’t just the idea of meeting his friends—it was the way he phrased it, making you feel special, like you were becoming an integral part of his life. But at the same time, your nerves fluttered in your stomach.
“Charles, that sounds… great,” you said, trying to sound confident, but the slight edge in your voice gave you away.
He narrowed his eyes at you, gently setting his coffee cup down on the table. “But?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’m just a little nervous," you sighed, shifting so you could look at him fully, "They’ve known you for so long, and I don’t want to feel like the odd one out, you know? What if I don’t fit in?”
“Mon amour, you’re not an outsider," Charles’ expression softened even more as he reached for your hand, interlocking your fingers with his, "You’re my girlfriend, and that means you’re already part of my world.”
You bit your lip, still feeling a little unsure. It was a lot of pressure—meeting the people who had been with Charles through thick and thin, who knew sides of him that you were still discovering.
“I’m sure they’re great,” you said, leaning into him a little, “but it’s still kind of intimidating. I mean, Riccardo and Marta have a baby. What if I’m awkward around Chiara?”
Charles let out a soft laugh, shaking his head. “Chiara’s a baby. All she cares about is who makes her laugh and who gives her food. And knowing you, you’ll have her wrapped around your finger in no time.”
You couldn’t help but chuckle at that, imagining a tiny baby giggling in your arms. “You think so?”
“I know so,” Charles replied, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “Look, I get it. Meeting new people, especially people who are important to me, can be overwhelming. But I promise, they’re going to love you. And more importantly, I’ll be there with you the whole time.”
His words calmed the nervous buzzing in your mind, and you found yourself nodding slowly. “Okay. Let’s do it. I’ll meet them.”
Charles’ face lit up with that boyish grin you adored, and he kissed you softly on the lips. “That’s my girl. I’ll talk to them, and we’ll make a plan for next weekend.”
You smiled against his lips before pulling back. “Next weekend, huh? No pressure, right?”
He winked, squeezing your hand, “None at all. Just you, me, and my crazy friends.”
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The following weekend came quicker than you expected, and before you knew it, you and Charles were standing outside Riccardo and Marta’s house, your heart beating a little faster than usual. The sounds of laughter and conversation drifted out from the backyard, and you could already hear Chiara’s high-pitched giggles.
“You okay?” Charles squeezed your hand as you stood at the front door.
“Yeah, just…" you took a deep breath, nodding, "You know, trying to remember how to be a functioning human.”
"Mon coeur, it's fine!" Charles gave you a huge grin, "Just think bout the first time you came to a race with Kika and met everyone. You were a natural."
You chuckled at the memory. "Yeah, and from that moment, I thought you disliked me for the longest time."
"Baby, we've talked about this," Charles raised his eyebrows in mock surprise. "I was just... reserved," he said, his tone teasing but with a hint of sincerity.
You nudged him playfully. "You were cold! Barely even smiled at me. I thought, 'Great, Pierre’s friend is grumpy and doesn’t like me at all.’"
"And now, look at me," Charles laughed, pulling you closer, "Head over heels for you. Who would've thought?"
You felt a warmth bloom in your chest at his words. His eyes softened, and before you could respond, he leaned in, brushing his lips against yours in a gentle kiss.
When you finally pulled away, Charles rested his forehead against yours. "I promise, they’ll love you. Just be yourself, like you always are."
You nodded, a small smile on your lips. "Okay, I’m ready."
With that, Charles opened the door, and the two of you stepped inside, the lively sounds of his friends filling the space around you. The air was warm, the atmosphere welcoming, and as soon as you stepped through, Joris waved at you from across the room, and Marta smiled brightly, holding little Chiara.
"Well, well, if it isn't the girl who used to roll her eyes every time Charles spoke," Joris teased, approaching you and pulling you into a friendly hug.
You laugh, feeling some of your nervousness dissipate. "What can I say? He grew on me."
"Like a fungus, I'm sure," Joris winked, earning a playful shove from Charles.
Marta spotted you both and beamed, making her way over with Chiara balanced on her hip. Riccardo followed closely behind her, grinning widely.
"Ah, there he is," Riccardo greeted, pulling Charles into a hug before turning to you with a bright smile. "And this must be YN. It’s so great to finally meet you."
Charles stepped to the side, his hand still holding yours as he made the introductions. "Riccardo, Marta, this is YN, my girlfriend. YN, these are two of my closest friends in the world."
You smiled nervously but warmly, offering your hand to Riccardo, who brushed it aside to pull you into a friendly hug. "We do hugs around here," he said with a wink.
Marta followed suit, hugging you carefully while balancing Chiara in her arms. "It’s so nice to meet you, YN," she said, her smile warm and welcoming. "Charles has told us all about you. It’s about time we finally get to meet the girl who’s got him smiling all the time."
You chuckled nervously, your cheeks flushing a little. "He exaggerates."
"I don’t think so," Charles teased, his arm slipping around your waist again as he beamed at you.
Another one of Charles' friends raised his glass from where he was standing. "And here she is—the woman who tolerates Charles better than any of us."
You laughed at that, feeling some of the tension slip away as everyone welcomed you with open arms. The introductions continued as more of Charles’ friends trickled into the conversation, each one greeting you warmly, making you feel like part of the group in no time. It was clear that Charles’ friends were just as kind and friendly as he had promised.
“I’m so glad you could come," Marta said as she sat down next to you, little Chiara still in her arms.
“Thank you for having me,” you replied warmly, already feeling more at ease with her friendly demeanor.
Baby Chiara’s curious eyes darted toward you. You waved at her with a soft smile, and to your surprise, Chiara giggled, her little hands reaching out toward you.
“She’s been so excited all day,” Marta said with a chuckle, adjusting Chiara on her lap. “I think she knew we were having company. You want to hold her?”
You hesitated for a moment, but before you could even reply, Chiara was practically leaning over to get closer to you. You couldn't help but laugh, your heart melting at the sight of her small, chubby hands reaching out.
“I think she’s made up her mind,” you said, taking Chiara from Marta. The little girl settled in your lap immediately, looking up at you with wide, innocent eyes before giving you a sweet, toothy grin.
Charles, who had been chatting with Riccardo and Joris nearby, turned around just in time to catch the scene. His expression softened as he watched you interact with Chiara, his heart clearly in his eyes as he leaned against the counter, completely mesmerized.
“She loves you already,” Marta said softly, watching the way Chiara kept reaching for your face, fascinated by your hair and earrings.
“She’s adorable,” you said, your voice equally soft as you gently played with the little girl’s hands. Chiara giggled again, her laughter filling the room, and you couldn’t help but beam at her.
Charles crossed the room, his eyes still glued to the two of you. "She’s not the only one," he teased, placing a hand on your shoulder as he bent down to kiss your temple. "She’s got good taste."
"You're such a sap," Joris called out from where he sat, grinning as he popped another cookie into his mouth. "Look at you, all gooey and soft."
“Careful, Joris,” Charles replied, smirking at him. “Don’t make me start telling embarrassing stories about you."
“Oh, I’d love to hear those,” Marta chimed in, clearly enjoying the playful banter.
“Hey, I’m not the one who once locked himself out of the house without pants,” Joris shot back, earning a chorus of laughter from everyone around the room.
Amidst the laughter, Marta leaned closer to you, her voice just above a whisper. “You know,” she said, glancing at Charles, who was still gazing at you and Chiara with that adoring smile, “I’ve never seen him like this. I can tell he’s really happy with you.”
Her words made your heart skip a beat. You glanced up at Charles, feeling a warmth spread through you as you caught his eye. He winked at you, completely oblivious to Marta’s words, but it only made the moment more special.
"Thank you," you replied quietly, feeling a bit shy under her knowing gaze. "That means a lot coming from you."
Marta smiled, patting your hand. "I'm really glad he found someone special. You fit right in."
Before you could respond, Chiara began fussing slightly in your lap, clearly looking for something. Charles noticed immediately and knelt down beside you, offering the small toy she had dropped earlier. As soon as you handed it to her, Chiara calmed down, grabbing the toy and happily gnawing on it.
"I told you she'd love you," Charles grinned as he watched the two of you.
"You're right," you replied with a smile, gently bouncing Chiara in your lap. "She's perfect."
The rest of the evening passed in a blur of laughter and easy conversation. You found yourself quickly settling into the group, enjoying the way everyone seemed so at ease with one another. Joris and Riccardo were relentless in teasing Charles, often making jokes about how smitten he was, while Marta continued to shoot you knowing glances, clearly pleased with how everything was going.
At one point, as the evening wound down, Chiara started to get sleepy. She nestled into your arms, her little fingers curling around your shirt as her eyes fluttered closed.
Charles, who had been watching the whole time, leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head. "You’re amazing with her," he whispered, his voice filled with warmth.
"She’s the sweetest," you whispered back, glancing down at the tiny girl fast asleep in your arms.
Charles’ gaze lingered on you for a moment longer, his heart completely full. He had never imagined that watching you with Chiara would have such an effect on him, but here he was, absolutely melting at the sight.
As the night drew to a close, Riccardo and Marta thanked you both for coming. “Next time, we’ll have to do it at your place, Charles,” Riccardo joked, clapping him on the back.
“Sure, as long as you bring Chiara,” Charles replied with a grin, his arm wrapped securely around your waist as you stood by his side.
Marta gave you a quick hug before you left. "Seriously," she whispered in your ear, "We're really glad you're in his life."
You smiled at her, feeling the warmth and sincerity behind her words. "Me too."
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evanbi-ckley · 2 days
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He feels like he’s being weighed down. Like he’s under water or a heavy blanket. His limbs are heavy, and he can’t get his eyes to open. There’s muffled sound nearby, but he can’t make out anything coherent. He’s also really warm. Uncomfortably so.
Is this what death is like? Is he in Hell? Or something Hell-adjacent? Were all the fire and brimstone idiots he refused to give the time of day actually right about something?
But then the heat is gone and there’s a cool breeze that skims across his skin.
Does he have skin? Do people feel their skin once they’re dead?
He’s still debating with himself as he gets pulled further under.
~***~
What is that annoying, repetitive sound? Did he change his alarm? Why the fuck can’t he turn it off?
~***~
It hurts.
Why does it hurt?
He can’t even tell what hurts, but something fucking hurts.
If he could just open his eyes and get up to take some ibuprofen.
Also his nose itches. Why can’t he fucking scra-
~***~
“Fucking bees.”
~***~
He’s warm again, but it’s not uncomfortable this time. 
He feels safe. And alive. 
He doesn’t feel as weighed down anymore.
It’s difficult, but he cracks his eyes open. He’s - in the hospital? That’s definitely a hospital ceiling and hospital lights and hospital machines beeping.
He turns his head to the left - slowly - and sees his arm is in a giant cast. That explains why he can’t lift it.
He turns his head to the right just as slowly. He’s surprised to see a head of curly hair lying next to his hip, a large hand in his own. 
When he flexes his hand, the curly head pops up immediately.
The man looks at him with bloodshot eyes that clearly haven’t seen sleep in days. He’s young - not alarmingly so but certainly younger than Tommy. The stubble on his jaw has gone far past 5 o’clock shadow and has entered the realm of beard, making him look slightly older. But who -?
“Tommy?” the man asks. His voice is low and raspy, possibly unused.
“Uh,” Tommy says. His own voice sounds even worse.
Without hesitation, the man turns - without letting go of Tommy’s hand - and pours a cup of water from the pitcher on the table next to the bed. Then he brings the cup up to Tommy’s mouth, a bendy straw pointing toward him.
Tommy drinks slowly, his mouth feeling like parchment that’s been left out in the sun too long. 
“Thanks,” he says.
The man sets the cup down and says, “Yeah, so um, h-how do you feel?”
He thinks for a bit, taking stock of himself.
“Sore. Numb in places. I assume they’ve got me on the good stuff?” The man nods, a cute smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. “But there’s also the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen sitting next to me, holding my hand. So all told, I’m doing pretty well.”
The tips of the man’s ears turn pink, and a cute blush spreads across his cheeks. Adorable.
“You don’t have to flirt so hard, Tommy. You should know by now, I’m a sure thing.”
Ah, so -
“So we’re,” Tommy gestures vaguely with his head, “together?”
“Uh,” the man laughs uncertainly, “for about six months now, yeah.”
“Oh.” Tommy’s eyebrows shoot up. “But you’re so…” He trails off, not really knowing where he was going with that.
“So…what?” the man prods.
“Take your pick,” Tommy says. “Young? Pretty? Out of my league?”
“Sweetheart.” The man says it like they’ve had this discussion before, but he’s smiling. “Don’t try to amnesia your way out of being with me. I called dibs forever after our second date.”
Tommy smiles lazily. “Dibs forever, huh?”
“Yep. You’re stuck with me.”
Humming as if he’s considering the pros and cons, Tommy finally says, “I guess I can live with that.”
The man’s smile is blinding. “Evan,” he says. “Evan Buckley. In case you forgot.”
It comes back to him then - a cruise ship rescue in the middle of a hurricane, a basketball game, a kiss, a first date that ended terribly, more dates that ended perfectly, slow dancing in the kitchen, long nights together that ended too soon. A call during a bad storm, total engine failure, glass and fear and rain and acceptance and trees and blue eyes and a smile like warm sunshine.
“Evan,” Tommy says, pulling him closer. “Baby.” He kisses him softly. “I love you more than anything. How could I forget?”
Evan has tears in his eyes and leans their foreheads together when he says, “Don’t ever do that again. I thought I lost you.”
“I’m so sorry, baby. I thought so, too. I thought I’d never get to see you again. I’m so sorry.”
The next kiss is wet with tears - Evan’s or his own, it doesn’t matter. They’re here, and they’re both okay, and they’re together. That’s all that matters.
“I love you, too, by the way,” Evan says once they pull apart. “Can’t believe you waited to tell me until after you almost died, but I’ll take it.”
“I’ll say it every day until I actually die, okay?” he says. He gets a smack to his good shoulder for his effort, but they’re smiling too hard for it to have any weight.
There’s a long road ahead with recovery and therapy and stubbornness and frustration, but they’ve got this. They’ll get through it all. 
Together.
part 1
part 2
part 3
also now on ao3!
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iamgonnagetyouback · 2 days
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𝟷𝚔 || 𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐋𝐄
♡ ︎ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: Sirius's worst nightmare comes true when both you and Remus get your time of the months together.
♡ ︎ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: None
♡ ︎ꜱʜɪᴘ: Wolfstar x Reader
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Sirius paced back and forth in the small living room, his fingers raking through his long hair, muttering under his breath. He could hear you and Remus in the bedroom, murmuring, laughing, then suddenly going quiet—an eerie calm before the next storm. He winced, thinking about the past few days of chaos.
You were on your period, and Remus was nearing the full moon. Mood swings? More like a tsunami of emotions, and Sirius was caught right in the middle.
He glanced at the bedroom door, half-expecting one of you to storm out, shouting at him for some unknown reason, or worse—crying uncontrollably over something he didn’t even understand. It had been like this all week.
"Merlin, what am I supposed to do?" Sirius whispered dramatically to the air. He grabbed his phone and dialed James’s number.
“Pads? What’s going on, mate?” James answered, sounding cheery.
“They're driving me mad!” Sirius whispered harshly. “Y/N’s got her period, and Remus is so close to the full moon he’s practically howling, and they’re both—both insane! I swear, James, they’re like… like pregnant women! And I’m in the middle of it all!”
James chuckled, but Sirius wasn’t amused.
“It’s not funny!” Sirius snapped. “I don’t know whether they’re going to shout at me or cry or smother me in affection! Yesterday, Remus hugged me for ten minutes straight, and then Y/N told me I was the worst person in the world because I didn’t put the dishes away properly!”
James was practically wheezing with laughter on the other end. “Mate, you’re gonna have to deal with this yourself. It’s called being in a relationship!”
“Oh, brilliant, thanks for the help. Maybe I’ll just die here in a storm of emotions while you and Lily live happily ever after,” Sirius grumbled.
“Pads, relax,” James said, still laughing. “Just go check on them. See what they need.”
“Oh no. No, I am not going in there. You don’t know what it’s like! One minute they’re calling for me, all sweet, and the next, I’m getting death glares because I forgot to buy extra chocolate! It's a bloody blood bath!”
As if on cue, your voice floated down the hallway. “Sirius, can you come here for a second?”
Sirius froze, eyes wide with panic. “See?! They’re plotting something!”
“Mate, you’re being dramatic. Just go. You’ll be fine,” James said, completely unbothered.
“I won’t survive this,” Sirius muttered darkly, hanging up. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for whatever awaited him on the other side of the door. With a final prayer to Merlin, he walked into the bedroom.
You and Remus were sitting on the bed, both looking at him with big, pleading eyes. Sirius’s heart clenched. Oh no, here we go again.
“Sirius,” Remus began softly, his voice a little shaky, “I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier. I didn’t mean it.”
You nodded, looking equally regretful. “Yeah, I’m sorry, too. We’re just… so emotional right now, and everything’s overwhelming.”
Sirius blinked. “Wait, are you… both apologizing?”
Remus smiled, though his eyes were tired. “We are.”
You reached out for Sirius’s hand, and he stepped closer, letting you pull him down between the two of you on the bed. You snuggled into his side, your head resting on his shoulder. Remus followed suit, resting his head against Sirius’s other shoulder.
Sirius could feel the tension slowly melting away as you both wrapped yourselves around him. He let out a deep breath, wrapping his arms around the two of you. “Well… this isn’t so bad,” he mumbled, his lips quirking into a small smile.
“We love you, you know,” you murmured, pressing a soft kiss to his shoulder.
Remus hummed in agreement. “Yeah, you’re the best, Pads. We don’t deserve you.”
Sirius chuckled softly. “Finally, some appreciation.”
But just as he started to relax, you suddenly lifted your head, your brows furrowing. “Wait… did you eat the last of the ice cream?”
Sirius’s smile froze on his face. “What? No! Why would you—”
Remus sat up too, narrowing his eyes. “Sirius. You know how much we needed that.”
“I didn’t eat it!” Sirius exclaimed, eyes wide. “I swear!”
But you both stared at him suspiciously, and just like that, the storm was back.
“I knew it!” you accused. “You don’t care about us!”
“Oh, Merlin, help me,” Sirius groaned, his head falling back in exasperation. “I’m not gonna survive this.”
You crossed your arms, looking deeply offended, while Remus sighed heavily, clearly upset again.
Sirius pulled out his phone, sending a frantic text to James and Lily.
Sirius: Send help. I’m not making it out of this alive.
“Sirius!” you and Remus shouted at the same time, drawing his attention back to you both.
“Okay, okay!” he said, raising his hands in surrender. “I’ll go buy more ice cream. Just… please stop looking at me like that. I feel like I’m in the middle of a war.”
Remus and you exchanged glances before looking back at him. “Hurry,” you both said in unison, and then, as if nothing happened, you both wrapped your arms around him again, squeezing him tight.
Sirius sighed dramatically, feeling your heads resting on his shoulders once more. “I’m doomed,” he whispered under his breath.
James's response came through.
James: You’ll be fine, mate. Just wait till they start crying again.
Sirius groaned, muttering to himself. “Why did I ever think dating both of you was a good idea?”
“Because you love us,” you whispered sleepily.
“And we love you,” Remus added with a small smile.
Sirius smiled softly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head and Remus’s. “Yeah, I do.”
But then, just as the moment turned peaceful, you both tensed up again. Remus sat up abruptly, eyes wide. “Wait. Did you really eat the last of the ice cream?”
Sirius groaned dramatically, falling back onto the bed. "Merlin’s beard, I'm dead."
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Text
We Tried.
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a blurb.
pairing: Jake Kiszka x Reader (2nd person pov)
tags: ANGST, with a happy ending tho, mentions of alcohol.
CW: pretty much nothing! a fight is alluded to but nothing physical just a verbal fight. alcohol consumption is mentioned as well.
word count: a little over 2k
A/N: i wrote this for pretty much no reason BUT my friend @highriftplains said this is exactly whey they’ve been needing to read.
frankie, this is for you. enjoy.
masterlist | read on ao3
“We gave it a good shot didn’t we?”
Stabbed, right in your gut. Tears prickle at your waterline, you can’t look anywhere but the floor. A mere blissful 13 months ago everything was perfect, no issues, nothing bad, it was pure. Pure and absolute, just like the love you have- or should you say had?
13 was always a number you carried in your heart. Unlucky and taboo, superstition surrounded it, that’s why you liked it. You always thought it brought you good luck when you were younger. I guess it just bit you in the ass, didn’t it?
Jake was a perfect man, the only one you could really stand at the end of the day. And maybe he still is. It’s just a little hard to decide right now.
He sits on the end of the bed, elbows on his knees with his hands clasped together, he rests his chin ontop of them. You can only look at the floor his shoes rest upon.
“We tried.”
Approximately 2 and a half hours beforehand
You and Jake walk into Sam’s house, the creek of the door being your reminder that sound exists after the silent 30 minute drive to your current location. You both put on your best performance smiles, greeting Josh and Daniel in the dining room.
“Hey guys what’s up?” Josh asks the two of you, pushing his chair to the side to give his greetings in the form of embrace. He hugs his twin first, friendly reminder to you that you will always be last place, especially if things go down how you dreadfully think they will.
You hug Josh back as he turns to you, putting on your best face you feel the pit in your stomach for just a bit. A pit that comes with the words “This is the last time, isn’t it?”
Daniel rises from his chair as well, yet not for you nor Jacob. He brings his attention to Samuel, carrying a casserole dish in from the kitchen. “Dan can you go get the plates please,” is all he says, simply ignorant to your presence just now. You watch as he leans over a chair and places the dish in the middle of the glass table with a painfully audible clink. He turns to his left, your eyes meeting. You watch as his eyes go from surprise to concern.
Shit.
You quickly restore the smile on your face and greet him. You both share your greetings as Danny walks back into the room, plates and serving spoons in hand. He focuses on the plates as he sets them down gently. He looks up at you, oddly similar to the way Sam acts, and his eyes light up. “Oh hi!” He walks over as you greet eachother, then bothering to take a seat and prepare for dinner. You look over to where you left the twins. They’re missing from the spot they once inhabited, instead lingering in the hall. You watch, looking at Jacob, his eyes filled with the look only you and Josh know.
You already know damn well what they’re talking about.
You stand up and place you bag on your seat, then excusing yourself, your feet already taking in to the bathroom. You shut the door carefully behind you, you hands resting on the door as you place your forehead against it. Not bothering to listen in- just simply resting due tothe treacherous emotions within.
You don’t even realise how long it’s been before you open your eyes again when you hear a faint “Oh shit dude…” linger in from the dinning room. You know what he’s telling them, how couldn’t he. You can’t even be mad at him either, you’d do the same anyways.
You turn to wash your hands as you finally bother to make your way back to the table.
The reflection in the mirror stares back at you. A smile plastered ontop, the sorrow in your eyes still lingers.
At least you can try.
You walk back to the table, greeted with the smiles of Sam and Danny. Not the twins though, they’re too connected anyways, no point in pretending. You take your spot at the table, directly across from Jake as Josh sits at the head of the table between you. You look into his eyes for the first time in what feels like decades. A small smile washes across his face, this time feeling forced, a first for the both of you.
And so the five of you carry out with your dinner plans as you feel the rift in the room. Sam had made margaritas for the group, to which you all happily oblige, you can never turn down his cocktails, no matter how much you grive for an impending collapse. You then find yourself helping Sam with the dishes as the rest of the group commence the pitiful first attempts at a campfire. The silence between you two is weirdly peaceful, the room only being filled with the sound of the tap and plates clinking together.
Sam stops, abandoning his plate at the bottom of the sink as he turns to you. You respond with a mere “Hm?” as you look back at him, you already know where this is heading.
“Hey,” he pauses for a moment, gathering the right words inside his head. He places a comforting hand ontop of your shoulder.
“You feeling ok?”
“Oh, yeah I’m fine Sam. Don’t worry about me I’m just tired.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
The two of you are interrupted by Daniel opening the back door. “Hey, we got a fire started do you want me to bring out the little cocktail tray you got Sam?”
“Oh yeah that’ll be great thank you! We’ll be out in just a bit,”
The two of your finish your dishes as you then walk out onto the patio. The three guys all sitting around the fire. Daniel, a fresh Guinness in hand, sits next to Josh as Sam takes his spot next to him leaving the last chair next to Jake. You don’t hesitate to sit down physically, mentally you want rip yourself to shreds as you sit next to him.
The night starts to pass by, all of you getting more tipsy by the minute. Jake even bothers to loosen up, seemingly distracting himself by telling a weird story from his childhood shenanigns with Josh. You all decide to turn in for the night making your way to Sam’s living room. Jacob had already decided he was too drunk to drive, and you of course had completley forgotten to stay sober.
You guys had to stay the night in one of the spare rooms.
Great.
You mentally kick yourself in the head as you walk into the guest room, ahead of Jake. You hear the door behind you shut. You hear a sight from Jake as he stumbles inside.
“Oh shit, I’ll be right back I gotta remind Sam of somethin-” Jake cuts himself off. You hear the doorhandle jiggle as he struggles to open it. “What the fuck?” is all he mutters out. You turn back to him to look at whatever the hell he was doing. “What’s wrong?”
You’re suddenly greeted with your answer.
You see the doorknob laying gently in Jake’s hand.
“Guys!” He calls out.
You hear footsteps come walking down the hall. “Yeah? What’s up?” you hear Sam ask.
“Your doorknob just came off in my hand!”
“What?”
“I can’t open the door dude!”
You then hear an audible laugh come from Sam and what sounds like to be Danny accompanying him. “Guys this isn’t funny!” You call out as the duo continue to cackle outside the door. You hear a confused Josh join them. “What the hell is so funny?”
“The doorknob came off in Jake’s hand!”
You listen in horror as Josh joins the laughter. “Guys what the fuck?” Jake calls out, obviously annoyed even more by whatever this sick joke was. “Oh god okay” you hear Sam say as he finally manages to contain his composure. “Oh god, uh well…” he trails off, a moment of silence and dread overcomes the two of you. “It’s ok you guys have a bathroom in there we can try to get you out tomorrow morning.”
“What?” you and Jake exclaim simultaneously.
“Sam this isn’t funny get us out of here.”
“No can do buckaroo! Anyways you guys clearly need it.” he chimes in.
“Goodnight guys!” you hear a Josh call out as the three seemingly abandon you and go to bed.
Fucking hell.
You just stare at Jake’s back as he drops the handle onto the floor, turning around to face you for the first time since dinner. His eyes are tired. Tired in a different kind of way. He seems lost, yet still completely aware of the situation at hand.
“Hey,” is all he says. The only words spoken to eachother within the past 6 or 7 hours. You can only reply the same. You stand up as he walks towards the bed, sitting down on it’s edge. You examine the lone handle pitfully resting on the hardwood floors.
A silence lingers once more for a moment as you place the handle back down on the ground.
“We gave it a good shot didn’t we?”
He sits on the end of the bed, elbows on his knees with his hands clasped together, he rests his chin ontop of them. You can only look at the floor his shoes rest upon.
“We tried.”
You pause, finally looking back up at him. You see his face. His poor, poor, grief stricken face. He just stares at you, like a deer in headlights.
You finally let go, resting you back against the door as you slide yourself down to the floor.
“I still love you.”
“I do too.”
The response takes you by surprise. He didn’t-
No he couldn’t have. He cant just say that after everything that happened yesterday-
He stands up.
He slides down the wall and sits to your right. Silence overtakes you again. Your eyes meet again. You finally realize your cheeks have had tears running down them for the past minute. His are the same.
He bites his lip as he wraps an arm around you, pulling you into his heaving chest. His breath is shaky, no matter how hard he tries to hide it- it’s still there.
You finally let go as he presses a chaste kiss to your head. You cant help but let out a pained anz audible cry into him. He soon follows suit.
The two of you sit there. You don’t even know how long you cry in eachothers arms. A weirdly therapeutic and healing feeling comes from this. But in the end you still manage to look up at him again.
You see Jake.
Not the current him, silently cradling your body.
The old him.
The Jake you first kissed 13 months ago.
“Can we just pretend that nothing ever happened?” he asks, a pitiful smile appearing across his teary cheeks.
“I’d really like that.” is all you respond with. And it’s all that's needed.
You’re in his arms again.
A tighter grip is on you as he hugs you like a man scorned. You grip him too, the emotions becoming all consuming. You can’t help but sob in his arms as he rocks you back and forth in his arms, never wanting to let go.
You simply forget the passage of time there. Simply becoming too tired to cry and dry heave any longer. You finally look up at him, suddenly greeted with his smile. That godforsaken smile.
It’s irresistible. He looks perfect.
You kiss him for the first time in what feels like forever.
You indulge for several minutes, never wanting to leave him. Never wanting to leave eachother.
It’s moments like these where you realize how precious he really is. His love. His compassion. His- well, everything. Everything about him will never fail to knock the wind out of you.
You finally let go of the tension built up in your lips.
“I love you so much.” is all that escapes his lips.
“I love you too.”
A pause lingers in the air.
“I really don’t think I’ll ever be able to leave.” is all you say.
“Me either.”
“We tried.” you laugh out, causing him to break.
“We really did.”
“But some things you gotta learn the hard way, right?”
“Right.”
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akookminsupporter · 14 hours
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ARE YOU SURE?!: EIGHTH EPISODE
MY IMPRESSIONS
 Preface: This is not an analysis post, and honestly, I don’t want to overanalyse their interactions or everything they said and did—many others are already doing that. My intention with this post is simply to share my thoughts on the episodes, my impressions, and perhaps my conclusions.
Oh man, I don’t want AYS to end. I can't believe it's already over. It’s not fair. I don’t think it is. We should protest.
Yes, this is my second time watching this episode. I’ve been super busy, so I couldn’t watch it again. I’ve survived by watching clips and gifs on Twitter.
Objectively speaking, Jimin and Jungkook are seriously handsome. Gorgeous. Cute. And they look especially adorable without makeup. They look so young too. Jimin looked amazing in that grey sweater.
I’m unsure if Jimin and Jungkook keep track of the charts and that sort of stuff. Based on things they've said in the past, it seems like they’re not too fussed about it, but it’s nice to know that, in one way or another, they do see the results of their work and the fans' support, even months—or in Jimin's case, more than a year—later. When they were in the US, Jungkook also mentioned something about listening to the music charts in Korea, didn’t he? He did the same thing here, and their songs are still on there. They’re really killing it with their solo careers. Jungkook wasn’t lying when he said his favourite part of SMFPT2 was the second half, where Jimin came out half-naked, just saying hahaha.
When they arrived at the restaurant where they’d eat, the video looked like it was shot by a paparazzi or something, hahaha. Jimin looked incredible in that video. I don't know how to explain it, but he looked… famous, hahaha.
One of the descriptions we read a lot when AYS was announced was that Jimin and Jungkook would immerse themselves in the local cuisine wherever they visited. That description couldn’t have been more accurate, hahaha. These guys really travelled just to eat, hahaha.
Every time Jimin said he didn’t look good, or that he’s not handsome, or that his face wasn’t right, I just wanted to jump through the screen and give him two slaps to snap him out of it.
That clip of them waving at the camera through the window is… Jimin looked stunning. His messy, blonde hair at that length was perfect.
The "boyfriend shot," okay. Jimin, I need you to answer a few questions to fully understand that part. I understand what you were trying to say, but why did you say that? I don’t know if it’s a thing in Korea, but when you Google "the boyfriend shot," nothing even remotely close to that photo comes up, so it's not a trend or anything like that. So, that was... interesting. Jungkook’s non-reaction and just commenting on the photo itself was... he wasn’t bothered at all.
I think Jungkook loves to eat. He loves food. I think. It’s not something I can confirm, because it’s not entirely clear. But I reckon he loves eating.
It’s so cute when they mimic the silly things the other one does. They’re just too adorable.
That quirky habit Jungkook has of showing off everything he's about to eat. And Jimin too.
I mean, Jungkook, why did you tell Jimin to take off his pants and underwear? That’s a bit much, don’t you think? Hahaha. Jimin’s response to Jungkook, saying, "loud, repetitive noises make Jimin nervous" is hilarious, and we know he’s said it twice when Jungkook was teasing him. But I wonder what context that phrase has for him. Seriously, I’d love to see a copy of his YouTube watch history and search history to know how they find these videos. It’s clear Jungkook knows the context, hahaha.
Someone on Twitter mentioned that Jimin and Jungkook swap roles in their dynamic or relationship. One day, one acts like the hyung and the other like the younger one, and vice versa. Another day, one is the annoying one that the other just smiles at, and vice versa. And another day, one is the silly, cute one, and the other pretends to put up with it grudgingly, but really, they love it. It’s super interesting, especially when you think about the age difference between them and what that means culturally.
Jungkook in the car watching—or better yet, waiting for—Jimin to notice he wasn’t behind him is just too cute. That happy little giggle when Jimin finally noticed and came to get him was adorable. Jimin pretending to be annoyed about it is funny because we all know that man never gets annoyed about anything Jungkook does or says.
Jungkook was right—Jimin really did love the gimbap option he bought, hahaha.
"Jimin is Jungkook's Jungkook." I saw this in a tweet a few days ago, and I remember making a post about it. Reading the comments, I see some of you gave it a slightly different interpretation to what the tweet explained, and what I realised when I read it. What we mean by that, in this context, is that Jimin does the same thing Jungkook does with the other members’ songs—singing them all the time in a funny, but slightly annoying way, hahaha. The members usually just laugh or ignore Jungkook because, well, he’s Jungkook, hahaha. Jimin does something similar, and Jungkook just laughs and looks at Jimin like he’s thinking, “Cute,” because, to Jungkook, everything Jimin does is cute.
The editors syncing the song with the parts Jimin was dancing—or trying to dance—is way too funny, hahaha. Jungkook grabbing more things while they were already paying is so... all of us, I’m sure, hahaha.
I know there are a few theories—let’s call them that—about which card Jimin and Jungkook used, particularly in Sapporo. But something I noticed is that they always made sure to get the receipt, and at least the times I caught it, it was always Jungkook who kept it.
Why did they laugh when the staff member said the jacuzzi in this last place was bigger than the cold tub from the day before? Not just the laugh, but the tone when Jungkook said, “Ahh, from yesterday”—I didn’t get that part. Why that reaction? Even the staff’s little chuckles were interesting. What did we miss?
I think Jimin likes "Standing Next to You." I don’t know, just a gut feeling, hahaha.
The accommodations where Jimin and Jungkook stayed throughout the show were amazing, but the ones in Sapporo were definitely the most beautiful and impressive. The clip of them entering the house without context would be so hard to explain, hahaha. Did they choose the places they stayed in? Or did the staff show them the options before they arrived? Them walking down the stairs backwards... they’re so alike, hahaha. Jungkook, the fact that you two have different ages didn’t matter at all—you’re practically the same person, hahaha.
Oh? The room they were in when Jungkook was unpacking all the snacks he’d bought is different from the one where they slept, so they left their bags in a different room.
Jimin looks stunning in that clip where he asks Jungkook if he was going to get in the jacuzzi, ahahaha. Jimin and Jungkook bickering over silly things is one of my favourite discoveries about their dynamic in the show, haha.
Didn’t Tae say that this second chapter wasn’t about seeing them naked or something like that? Could he explain to me why that’s exactly what this second chapter has been about so far? Not that I’m complaining, hahaha.
Them in the jacuzzi. Jimin and Jungkook have such enviable bodies. They’re slim but muscular, they barely have any fat on them, and they’re delicate yet masculine at the same time. It’s enviable. And I’m not a man. Seeing them in the jacuzzi also reminded me that they are, after all, men, and like most men on earth, they do stupid things for a good laugh.
The way Jungkook looked at Jimin when he picked up the snowball to take into the jacuzzi was so sweet and innocent, and the way Jimin interpreted it as Jungkook saying ‘Are you really gonna throw that at me?’ was hilarious. What’s even funnier is seeing other fans, especially non-Jikookers, using that clip to say, “This is how Jungkook would look at you if he were your boyfriend” or “This is how Jungkook looks at X member because they’re together.” Like, do they not realise that by saying this, they’re acknowledging that Jungkook doesn’t look at Jimin like he’s just a friend or how you’d look at a simple mate? This also applies when they use clips of Jimin looking at Jungkook. The way Jimin and Jungkook looked at each other in that moment is... yeah.
When Jungkook lost rock-paper-scissors to Jimin to see who had to lie in the snow – honestly, men – and took a little extra time warming up in the jacuzzi before facing his punishment, was funny haha, the way he looked at Jimin was like, “Are you really gonna make me do this?” But what’s funnier was how he looked at Jimin when he said, “Come on, baby,” ahahaha. Jungkook was like, “Don’t come at me with cute nicknames,” hahaha.
Have I ever mentioned that I love Jimin’s tattoos, especially the ones on his back? I don’t think I’ve brought that up before.
Seriously though, do they share social media accounts and watch the same videos, memes, etc.? Wasn’t that song Jimin was singing when he was lying on the stairs the same one Jungkook sang on the first day in Sapporo when he was picking which sunglasses to wear?
What Jimin said – that if we see his trip with Jungkook, we’d know what he’s like at home – it’s no surprise, but is he like this WITH Jungkook at home too?
Kookoo-ah. The different ways Jimin says Jungkook’s name is just too cute.
Oh, it looks like the whisky Jimin bought or brought to drink with Jungkook is the same one Jungkook took with him the second time he went on Yoongi’s show. So, either Jimin bought/brought/ordered it because he knew Jungkook liked it, or they’re even similar in their taste for alcohol.
So, when Jimin said “honey,” he wasn’t saying it to Jungkook, he was talking about the whisky, and I guess that’s why Jungkook responded that they looked alike. That said, I choose to believe he was calling Jungkook “honey,” haha. They’re such drama queens, hahaha. Jimin, are you really gonna leave us hanging for a whole year?
Is it just me, or when Jungkook asked Jimin if he’d had his physical exam for the military, did it not sound like a genuine question? Like, he already knew the answer? Does that make sense? Hahaha. The way Jimin responded was funny, and something I noticed is that when Jungkook brought up the military service, Jimin seemed to avoid the topic, which is understandable.
It was nice how they included the staff too. In a way, it was also one of the last times they’d be travelling/working with them for a while. The staff member who suggested they watch the first episode of the show deserves a bonus, hahaha.
Have you guys noticed that when Jimin and Jungkook are sitting together, they tend to lean towards each other? Especially in relaxed seating arrangements, like when they were watching the first episode of the show. It’s not just that they sit really close, but they lean their bodies towards each other, almost like they’re trying to face each other.
Something I’ve always noticed is that Jimin doesn’t like watching himself on screen, except when he’s monitoring performances or music videos, of course. Even then, he’s super critical of himself. But in videos like the one they were watching, he tends to question or criticise his own behaviour, or he’s just embarrassed by himself. I really wish he’d stop being so hard on himself, so critical. Another thing that’s impossible not to notice is that whenever Jimin does this and Jungkook is around, Jungkook reassures him, saying he did well, or that it’s funny or cute, or he just laughs along with him. They really do have a sweet relationship.
Jungkook really didn’t like falling out of the kayak, the way he complained to Jimin about being left behind is hilarious, ahahaha, and Jimin trying to defend himself, hahaha.
They honestly laugh at the silliest things they say or do. I love that about them.
Even though Jimin told Jungkook he could keep watching the episode without him, Jungkook paused it until Jimin came back.
Okay, this conversation was so interesting:
Jungkook: “We were worried a lot while we were filming it. Is this going to be okay? Will they be able to edit this right?”
Crew: “We were also a bit worried.”
Why were Jimin and Jungkook worried? I know that in the first two episodes especially, they kept questioning whether they’d be able to do the show, or whether certain moments would make it in, etc., but why did Jungkook say they were worried about how it would be edited? What did they get up to? Or was Jungkook specifically referring to Jimin being sick the whole time, or part of their trip in the US? Because in that case, it makes sense why they’d wonder how it’d be edited, hahaha.
Jungkook was right when he said that Jimin just had to look at his face to start laughing, and also those times when he said Jimin was happier when he was with him.
I mean, Jimin telling Jungkook how dare he enjoy the scenery and his coffee while he was dying over there, ahahaha. At least he was looking out for him, haha. So, the stone tower was indeed for Jimin, haha!
Yeah, it was really fun. AYS is a blast. I can’t believe it’s over.
Hey, I wonder if the minutes they cut from the third behind-the-scenes were of them sitting at the table having drinks. Their faces looked a bit flushed by the end, haha, I imagine from the whisky. Not them apologising to each other for snoring from the alcohol, and not the editors putting in and describing their snoring sounds—everyone’s just too unserious, haha.
God, Jimin is so cute. His outfit on the last day looked amazing. Jimin tends to wear oversized clothes like Jungkook, but not as much as Jungkook does. And they look so good on him.
Was Jimin tearing up from the cold or because it was their last day?
Jimin went to wake up Jungkook, but why we didn’t get a clip of Jimin waking him up? I mean, did the editors rob us of that too? Incredible.
Wait, didn’t they sleep in the room they entered on the night they arrived? The one with the camera? Jimin just walked past it when he went to wake up Jungkook and remember Jungkook wasn’t in that room when he was unpacking the snacks he’d bought the day before. Oh, they did sleep in the room they walked into when they arrived, the one with the camera. So, Jungkook must have already been awake when Jimin went to look for him, or he was getting dressed in the other room where they left their bags! Okay, that makes sense because in the clip where they were about to sleep, the bags weren’t in that room.
Jimin, I can’t believe they didn’t get in the jacuzzi one last time. Jungkook walking over to Jimin to touch his head and say Jimin doesn’t like it when people do that, but that he can do it, felt a bit unnecessary. I mean, we get it Jungkook, you have privileges with Jimin that others don’t; no need to brag about it. Jimin looked super cute and fluffy at that moment.
I’ve always found it funny how the guys—not just Jimin and Jungkook, but all of them—are incredibly obvious when they’re promoting a product on one of their shows, ahahaha.
On the last day, Jimin looked a bit sad, nostalgic, and down. And that’s totally understandable. Did you notice that on the last day, Jimin wasn’t using his GoPro? Only Jungkook had one on, at least when they arrived at the restaurant for their last meal in Sapporo. Jungkook also seemed a bit livelier, but only to cheer up Jimin. When they sat down to eat, a GoPro appeared filming Jimin, but when he started eating and showing what he was having to that camera, they didn’t show those clips. I wonder what happened.
When the waiter brought the beer that Jungkook ordered, he put another one on the table but then it disappeared—did Jimin send it back? Jungkook realised that if he drank the beer, he wouldn’t be able to drive to the airport and continued to ponder whether he should drink it or not, even after the staff told him not to worry about it, shows... Jungkook wanted to be the one to take them to the airport. And he wanted it to just be the two of them in the car.
Are there no flights from Sapporo or Tokyo to the US? If there are, why did Jungkook decide to fly to Seoul and then the next day to the US? Wasn’t that way more tiring for him and his staff?
Jimin asking Jungkook which piece of sushi he wanted to eat, even when he won rock-paper-scissors to choose what to eat first, says a lot about the kind of person Jimin is. It’s the little things.
They really do have a peculiar and similar sense of humour.
Jungkook genuinely wanted to be the one to take them to the airport. That’s just too sweet. And now what that person said last year makes even more sense—that they saw them in the airport parking lot, I think, together with no staff around, just their cameras, and that a few minutes later their security showed up.
Jungkook really said: “We’ll enlist together, so even in dreams we should be together,” ahahahaha. God, I love the way they talk to each other. Jimin really did look melancholic that last day. Jungkook did his best to cheer him up.
They really loved doing the show; that was more than obvious. And I love that they had those moments of relaxation and fun before their world came to a halt for nearly two years. I love that they did it together, creating all those lovely memories together. That said, I love that they mentioned it. That they said they should do it again. A reboot, as Jungkook said. For Jungkook to say those were the best trips he’s had in his life is incredible and says a lot about what his time with Jimin meant to him. To them. And yes, they ate a lot during the show, hahaha.
Jungkook: “It’s like we were on a trip but not on a trip at the same time. It was all over the place, and that’s what made it fun.”
I don’t know how accurate that translation is, but what Jungkook said really resonates because, at the end of the day, that was “work” for them, and it didn’t feel like it. They felt at home, but not in a literal or material way; they felt comfortable. They were themselves. Yes, some things were planned, but the way they reacted to those or the unexpected things that happened is what made the trip special for them and for us.
“We’re probably enjoying ourselves right now too.” – Jeon Jungkook.
I want to believe that yes, wherever they are, they’re enjoying it together.
God, the way Jungkook looked at Jimin in one of the clips at the end of the episode. The man was enchanted. Do you know what it reminded me of? The Wlive the group did in 2021, the 210219 live, where Jungkook looked at Jimin with so much adoration.
I won’t lie to you, when I saw the last clip of them on the day they were enlisting in the army, my heart stopped for a second. I never expected that. It hit me with such nostalgia and sadness at the same time. It was a cruel reality check after all that happiness.
I loved AYS, and it’s something I’ll always treasure.
If you’ve made it this far, I’m sorry and thank you—I just couldn’t stop writing ajajajajaja.
As I mentioned a few days ago in a post, I'm going to share my thoughts/conclusions on the latest episode of AYS and the show as a whole in a separate post, which you can read here.
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deathblacksmoke · 3 days
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sweet little nicks thing <3
i’ve never written these two and i think it’s a much needed pairing! ty @sitkowski for the photo inspo 🩷
Nick isn’t quite sure what he expected when Folio floated the idea of a date — he knew that he’d felt a shift between the two of them, not entirely able to place when it occurred. He knew he felt a blush in his cheeks when they were together, a subtle but unmistakable racing of his heart. He knew the only answer he could have possibly given was of course.
Still, he couldn’t have been prepared to open his front door, ready to get in his car to meet Folio at the restaurant like they’d agreed upon, only to see him bundled up cutely and leaning against his own car, already waiting.
“What are you doing here?” he asks, turning on his heels to lock the door, an excuse to mask his nerves.
“It’s our first date. The least I can do is pick you up.”
Folio gives his answer as if it’s nothing, his voice steady and confident. Nick feels so suddenly shy, uncomfortably warm, about ready to run back inside his house and hide. They’ve known each other for so long, and he isn’t sure what to do with this brand new feeling that he doesn’t deserve him.
He pushes everything away, makes his way to the car against the demands of his rapidly quickening heartbeat. Their fingers brush as they both reach for the passenger side door handle and Nick feels it everywhere, has to push away a nervous little giggle as he settles into the passenger seat.
“I had an idea of something else we could do,” Folio says as he climbs in and starts the car. Nick perks up at the prospect of something a little less formal than dinner. “Carnival’s in town. Could be fun.”
Nick nods and feels as his shoulders relax, even as Folio’s hand lands lightly on his thigh — not holding, just resting — and his body is set alight.
***
They fall into a rhythm together easier than he’d expected. Their fingers link together the moment they step out of the car, and he finds himself not wanting to shy away from it. He feels a buzzing all through him as goosebumps break out all along his arms.
He doesn’t fight it when Folio insists on buying the tickets, the food, on taking him on all his favorite rides, playing all of his favorite games. He’s always wondered what it might be like to date him, his curiosity growing in recent months. Somehow, he never imagined himself deserving of being treated so nicely.
He knocks over the final bottle and the boy running the stand gives him his choice of prizes. He hands over the comically large stuffed bear to Folio, and for the first time tonight, he sees a blush break out across the other boy’s cheeks.
“Nicky,” Folio protests as he tries to deny the gift.
“Don’t Nicky me,” Nick responds, and Folio’s blush goes even brighter as Nick feels his confidence grow. “Wanna go on the ferris wheel?”
***
With Folio’s bear stuffed in the seat beside them, they’re crammed into the ride nice and cozy. Nick burns where their thighs touch.
He notices Folio’s hand shaking and recalls mentions of a fear of heights from years ago. The thought of him braving the ride to make Nick happy makes his chest swell. He links their hands together again and the shaking ceases.
He glances over at his face and finds him already gazing back. There’s so much he wants to say but can’t begin to imagine how he’d word it. Instead he leans forward, captures Folio’s lips with his own, swallows his pretty sigh.
He finds they fit together like pieces of a puzzle, just as they always have.
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merrybloomwrites · 3 days
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I'll Be There for You - Platonic Smosh x Reader
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Summary: 2020 starts great for reader before covid enters the chat and flips her world upside down. Her friends at Smosh are there to support her through one of the hardest times of her life.
Word Count: 2.5K
CW: covid, quarantine, parent death, panic attack
AN: Was listening to a Smosh Mouth episode and they brought up filming during quarantine and it randomly inspired this story. I lost my own dad during covid and Smosh was absolutely one of my escapes during that time so this story may just be me processing that haha
No romantic relationships for reader in this, just lots of supportive friends.
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From the moment you hear about this new virus, you’re nervous about it. The news stations are trying to keep everything positive, spin it like this is no big deal. But what you see on social media is telling a different story.
You’re not so much worried for yourself as you are for your family. They’re all the way across the country on the east coast while you’re in Los Angeles. And many of your family members have lung issues. While you don’t know much about this coronavirus, it seems to be most harmful to people’s lungs, leaving you to worry. 
It seems crazy to be taking a trip right now, but the threat doesn’t seem to be too bad. Travel is still permitted, and so your group goes ahead with your trip to Australia. You’ve been looking forward to this for months, and try so hard to not allow your anxieties overshadow your excitement. 
It’s a solid group on the trip: Shayne, Courtney, Ian, Damien, Sarah, and Matt Raub. All of you are trying to ignore the increasingly worrisome news and keep things light. You attend two different expos, doing live shows as well as meet and greets with fans. Those bookend the trip, with lots of different activities in the middle, including visits to a couple zoos to learn about local wildlife. 
You hold koalas and snakes, laugh with your friends, and for a little while, you forget all about the bad things that are happening. 
But you can’t hide from it forever. Despite everyone joking about the virus, you can’t help but be afraid. Every day of the trip, more news is revealed, and things look more and more grim. 
Towards the end of the trip you do a couple planned meet and greets at Sydney’s Madame Tussauds. You’re on the verge of a panic attack the whole time, feeling like every person you talk to could be carrying this unpredictable virus. 
Ian picks up on this and pulls you aside during a break.
“You okay?” he asks, concern etched on his face.
“I can’t shake this feeling, like we’re all going to get infected and then bring it back home, and every time a new person comes in the room it’s like another chance for germs to spread. What happens if we get sick? We don’t know anything about this virus, or what it can do to people, and there’s more and more cases everyday-” your rambling cuts off as you gasp for a breath. The panic attack is officially setting in, the room spinning around you as it gets harder to breathe. 
You hear Ian say something, but the ringing in your ears prevents you from understanding him. A moment later Sarah is standing in front of you, catching your eye and encouraging you to breathe with her. After a minute of matching her breaths, you’ve calmed down and gotten through the worst of the panic attack. 
Sarah leads you to the couch, sitting next to you, close enough to be a grounding presence but far enough that you don’t feel closed in. Ian walks over, crouching in front of you and handing you a water bottle. 
“Sorry about that,” you finally say.
“Don’t you dare apologize,” Sarah says. “Your feelings are completely valid.”
Ian nods before saying, “I know we’re all making jokes about this, but I think everyone’s just covering up how scared they are. I’m definitely scared. You’re right to say that there’s so much we don’t know. I’d say don’t worry about all that, but that’s stupid because you’re gonna worry anyway.” 
You laugh at that, feeling much better now knowing that you’re not alone. Ian smiles and places a comforting hand on your knee and you reach out to hold Sarah’s hand as well. The three of you sit for a moment and then Shayne walks in the room saying, “Time to start up again.”
He looks at you guys, sees the redness in your eyes and notices the way the others are comforting you and asks, “Everything okay?”
“Yea, I’m good now,” you answer. “We’ll be right out.”
Shayne nods and walks away. You go to stand but before you can get up Ian says, “You don’t have to go back out there if you’re not comfortable. We can do the rest without you if you need some space.”
“I’ll be fine, but thank you,” you reply. He smiles and gives your leg one last squeeze before standing and giving you a hand up. It’s a nice moment, one where you’re reminded about how wonderful it is to work for Ian. He’s a kind boss, but also like a big brother to you, and you appreciate having him in your life. 
The rest of the time in Australia goes smoothly, and then it’s time to fly home. Sarah and Ian stick by you throughout the long day of travel. You don’t ask them to, but you can tell they’re worried that you’ll get anxious in such a crowded space. Somehow that makes it easier, and you’re able to spend the day joking with your friends rather than panicking. 
You’re exhausted when you get home, saying a rushed goodbye to your friends and heading home.
And then the isolation begins. The world practically shuts down completely as soon as you get back to the states. You go from constantly being around people, to being completely alone. It’s fine at first, you’re exhausted from traveling and this gives you a good excuse to be lazy for a few days. 
You spend a lot of time on the phone with your family, begging them to stay inside the house and stay safe. And they seem to listen, only going out twice for supplies. But apparently that’s all it takes. 
Just over a week after the Australia trip your mom gets sick. It’s obvious right away that it’s covid. For one thing, your mom has worked with children for decades. Her immune system is impeccable, you’ve never seen her get a cold or the flu before. For her to be sick is odd, plus she has all the symptoms, so it’s a no brainer.
And then a few days later, your dad is sick as well. You knew it was inevitable, that once the virus was in the house he was going to get it as well, but hearing it for sure makes your blood run cold. 
He already has a couple of lung issues, and you can’t help but feel like this isn’t going to go well. You hate that you’re stuck on opposite coasts and can’t do anything to help. You call them as much as possible, wanting to stay positive and hearing their voices always helps.
But then your dad gets worse and ends up in the hospital. You finally tell your Smosh friends what is going on. You’d kept it quiet at first, but they picked up that something is wrong. 
You try to continue on like normal, assuring your friends that you’re fine, but they don’t accept that. While they never overstep, you’re often surprised with kind texts or things appearing on your doorstep. 
It’s a particularly bad day. Your dad has just been placed on a ventilator. You get the news while in a zoom meeting, and everyone can tell that something has happened. 
“You okay, Y/N?” Courtney asks. 
You shake your head no and think about what to answer. You could be vague, just say it’s an update about your father and leave it at that. But these are people that care about you, that want to support you. 
“My dad just got put on a ventilator,” you reply. 
“My god, Y/N, I’m so sorry. Did they say anything else?” Shayne says. 
“Apparently the doctors said it’s a preventative measure. Supposed to let his lungs heal. But we’ve all seen the statistics. Most covid patients don’t come off the vent.” 
“If you need to go you can,” Ian says. “Don’t feel like you need to stay on this call.”
“No, that’s okay. I’d rather keep working. Either that or sit in silence in my apartment,” you answer with a shrewd laugh. 
“Alright, well if you need to leave at any time please feel free. No explanation needed, we’ll understand,” Ian says. 
The meeting resumes and you sit quietly while they plan the upcoming Smosh Games schedule. You don’t have any input, and it’s pretty clear you’re not really listening, but you’re comforted by the sound of your friends' voices. 
The zoom call finishes, and you’re left alone with your thoughts. You’re not sure how much time passes, but the sun has moved to shine through a new window as husk begins so it must be a while. 
You’re startled back to reality by a text on your phone. Your heart races, fearing it’s you mom with even worse news. You breathe a sigh of relief when you see it’s from Spencer, his message saying, “Check out your front door.”
Doing as he’d instructed, you see a bag that had been delivered. It’s takeout from chilis, enough food for multiple meals, all your favorites. 
This is just what you needed. Your appetite hasn't been great, but smelling the familiar food has your stomach growling. After sending him a thank you message you dig in. 
Now full of comfort food, you manage to do your normal nightly routine of cleaning up the apartment and taking a shower. You go to bed feeling scared, but supported. 
Three days later, you get the news you’d been dreading. Your moms calls in the morning, saying the doctors think he won’t make it through the day. It’s a Sunday, and you have nothing to distract you. People text, but you leave them unanswered. 
It’s a beautiful day in Los Angeles, and you do the only thing you’re allowed to do: take a walk. 
Losing track of time, you wander through neighborhoods, making sure to keep distance from other people out walking. It pains you to see happy families, people who are making the most out of this pandemic. People whose lives aren’t being drastically changed forever. 
You get back home in the early afternoon. Soon after, your mom calls. You almost ignore it, knowing what she’s going to say but wanting to delay the inevitable. But you know you can’t do that. 
It’s a short conversation, your mother unable to say too much between the tears. 
You hang up feeling numb. It grows dark outside and finally you text Ian, asking for the next day off. 
His response is immediate, expressing his condolences and telling you to take at least the week off. You ask him to send a message to the others, not wanting to have to do it yourself. 
You wrap yourself into a cocoon of blankets, lay in bed, and cry over the loss. 
The next few days you find that you’re exhausted, with random bursts of high energy. You use the energy to respond to your friends' messages, thanking them for reaching out and telling them you’re okay. 
You speak on the phone with Damien for a while a couple days after it happens. While all of your friends are supportive, he’s the only one who’s been through this before. He truly understands what it’s like to lose a father. His experience, his words, everything he has to offer is incredibly comforting to you. And when he says he’ll always be there to listen, you know he’s telling the truth and not just saying what he thinks is the “right thing”. 
And then that Thursday, just a couple days after your dads death, the vlog of your time in Australia is released. 
You get the notification that it’s been posted as you always do, and instead of being excited that a new video is up, it sends you into a breakdown. You’re crying, gasping for breath, and you need someone there with you. 
For the first time since all of this began you cannot be alone. People have been offering to stop by and because it’s been over two weeks since any of you have been around others it’s technically safe. But you always refused, assuring them that you’re fine. 
Now, however, you need people around you. Through tears you find your phone and immediately call Courtney, asking if she and Shayne could come over. She says yes without hesitation and stays on the call while the two of them make their way to your place. 
Needing the comfort of your room you say, “Front door is open. I’ll be in my bedroom when you get here.”
“Just a couple more minutes,” Courtney replies as you climb under the covers. 
“Okay,” you murmur to let her know you heard her. 
As promised she and Shayne enter a few minutes later. Without hesitation Courtney climbs into bed with you, wrapping you up in your arms. You melt into the embrace, sobs ripping through your body. 
When you’ve finally cried yourself out, you pull away and notice Shayne’s no longer in the room. A moment later he walks back in, carrying water, tissues, and your favorite cookies. You smile weakly at him and pat the bed, inviting him to join you and Courtney. 
He sits next to you, and you’re effectively sandwiched between the two of them. It’s comforting to be surrounded by two of your best friends. You’d always been close with them, and we’re happy that nothing changed when they started dating. 
They’re two people who will always have your back, no matter what. They stay with you until the next morning, Shayne leaving temporarily to pick up anything he and Courtney need for the night. 
You hadn’t realized how much you needed to be around people, but it’s clear how much it helps to actually see people and talk to them without a screen. 
Finally, you start accepting people’s invitations to hang out. You make good use of your apartment complex’s patio area so that you can hang out while still social distancing. You don’t often talk about your dad or how you’re doing, but rather about other mundane things. It feels good to talk to friends about something even somewhat normal. 
The other cast members take turns filling in for videos that you’re supposed to appear in. You’d tried going back to business as usual, but found that you couldn’t be as lighthearted and funny as you usually were. Rather than try to fake it, you’d switched to a more behind the scenes role for the time being. 
In May and June, fans start to notice that you aren’t appearing in any videos. Many theories float around, and you decide you’re ready to make the news about your dad public, instead of letting the rumors continue to spread. 
You make a post about your father on Instagram, a picture of the two of you with a caption explaining the loss. Support floods in, from friends, family, and fans alike. 
Though it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever experienced, it’s so nice to know you have such wonderful people who will always have your back.
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AN: Thanks so much for reading! I'm working on two stories for Whumptober, One Spencer x reader and the other Damien x reader!
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kingsansa · 1 day
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Sneak peek time! 💃🏼
pp Chapter twelve sneak peek
His hand drifts from the wheel to her lap. She wraps her fingers around his, the warmth of him an anchor.
“I’ve started skating again.”
His hand stills beneath hers. “You have?” Jon glances at her sidelong and her heart stops in her chest.
“That’s good,” His thumb circles her wrist, “That’s great.” A smile is edging its way out of his mouth, “Just this week?”
Her stomach twists.
“A couple weeks ago, actually.”
His brow almost furrows, but he catches it.
“I should’ve told you,” She says immediately.
Sansa holds his hand tighter, but he doesn’t try to pull away. Only strokes her pulse.
“Why didn’t you?”
It’s not judgment that colors his tone, but a tentative sort of curiosity.
“I was nervous,” She can feel the shape of her heart in her throat. She hesitates. “I was nervous because—I wanna skate again. For real.”
A sharp, hiccuping breath follows the words, as if her body is trying to swallow them back down. But they’re out now, so heavy in the air between them that she doesn’t know how she managed keeping them inside of her this entire time.
“And I know that…complicates things,” Her voice starts to fray at the edges, “Not that we need any help making our lives more complicated than they already are.”
In the rear view mirror, Robbie is dozing away in a fading sunspot. His long lashes shadow his round cheeks.
“So what?”
Traffic is in a particularly stubborn lull. Jon peels his gaze away from the road to look at her.
His hand still cradles hers. “This is what you want?”
She answers without thinking—without speaking. Nods before she has the chance to lose the nerve.
“Then we’ll figure it out.”
He says it as if it’s as simple as that.
Again, there’s that same instinct to make the words disappear. To distort them into something nebulous and less frightening. “I’m still a long way off from competing,” She stammers, “I don’t even know if I’d be ready by next season. I just—I wanted to—”
He only says her name, thumbing at her rushing pulse.
“We’ll figure it out. I promise.”
Relief sweeps through her, leaving a sensation of numbness behind. Then, when he kisses the crown of her head, something like hope; a fragile, timid bloom. Sansa buries her face in his shoulder, breathing him in.
In the back of her mind, she knows that it’s still a dubious long shot—figuring it out. But she wants so badly to believe him, even if it is just for a moment, so she allows it.
Traffic starts to move again. His hand leaves her lap.
“Have you thought about a coach?”
The question stuns her silent. “No,” She says after a moment.
Hope was one thing—one semi-durable, hardly ever reliable (in her experience) thing. Making plans, firm enough to be pulled out from underneath her feet, is another.
She tries to mask her unease so that it isn’t read as reluctance. “I mean—the season started months ago. The good ones are probably taken.”
“Maybe not,” His palm skims her knee, “It’s a big city. I’m sure we could find someone.”
She doesn’t doubt he’s right, and for some reason, that unnerves her even more. What would happen when they found a coach? She’d have to quit school if she wanted to compete again. There’s no way she’d be ready for the next season in time if she didn’t. And if by some miracle, she was? What would that even look like?
“What about the rink? Do you know anyone there you can ask?”
She answers without thinking. “Yeah, but—“
“Does she still compete?” He asks.
Sansa falters.
It’s so present that it might as well be right behind her, tapping her shoulder—her hesitation. The distinct, needling feeling that she shouldn’t say anything at all. The instinct to lie.
It throws her completely off kilter.
“It’s a guy, actually,” She hedges, “Ned. He doesn’t, anymore—he’s at Northwestern—but that’s how we know each other, actually. I ran into him at the rink and he’s kind of been helping me out. Getting my feet wet again, that sort of thing.”
“Oh,” says Jon.
Traffic is still again. Both of his hands remain on the steering wheel, his left index finger drumming against the leather.
“You never mentioned you made another friend.”
Sansa wipes her sweating palms against her jeans.
“I should’ve,” She says immediately—almost immediately, “But I was avoiding telling you about skating—which I shouldn’t have been. I should’ve told you about everything. I’m—”
“But you told him.”
“What?”
“You said you’ve been practicing together,” He points out.
“Sometimes—” She begins, uncertain.
“So obviously he knows you wanna skate again,” He interrupts.
“I…” Sansa shakes her head, “Yes, but—”
“So you told him before you told me.”
“No,” Her stomach starts to plummet, “I mean—not explicitly. It wasn’t like that. I didn’t confide in him, or anything—“
“You just didn’t confide in me,” He finishes.
Panic claws its way up her throat. “Because I was scared. It wasn’t like that. It isn’t like that.”
Growing shadow splinters through the last of the dying sunlight. She can’t see his expression clearly—he isn’t looking at her. She tries to hold his hand but he pulls away under the guise of keeping his hands on the wheel.
“I’m sorry,” She pleads, throat thick.
The pop of a muscle in his jaw, “Okay.”
“Jon—“
“You said sorry,” He interjects, “Let’s just drop it.”
A soft murmur sounds from the backseat. Robbie is slowly coming to, rubbing his eyes. He watches the sunset and her protests curdle in her throat.
The remainder of the car ride home is silent, save for Robbie’s observations about the purpling sunset.
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cityofmeliora · 23 hours
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Hello! Ghost lore question: How old are the papas? Copia's birth year can be placed because of the date in the Kiss The Go-Goat chapter but what about the others? Any thoughts about the brothers' age differences?
made a post about this a while ago, but i'm happy to share again!
Papa Nihil - in Rite Here Rite Now, he tells Cardi “I am almost 80 years old and I’m dead.” it's not clear if he means that he would almost be 80 years old if he were still alive, or if he means that he was almost 80 years old at the time he died, but it kind of gives us a range to work with. he'd have been born in the 1940s.
in my personal headcanon, i place Nihil at the very oldest end of that range, being born in 1940. this is assuming he was talking about his age at death, and assuming he was 79 years old when he died on March 3rd, 2020.
Cardi - we know from Kiss The Go-Goat and RHRN that Sister got pregnant in the later half of 1969, so Cardi and his twin were born in early 1970.
i think Nihil was 29 years old at the time.
Terzo and Secondo - it was stated in several Meliora Era interviews, The Summoning, and Metal Myths that Terzo is only 3 months younger than Secondo. so they’re basically the same age. an interview from 2013 said Secondo was around 50 years old in 2013, and this seems reasonable. so he and Terzo would’ve been born around 1963, give or take a few years.
in my personal headcanon, Secondo and Terzo are about 6 years older than Cardi. i place Secondo being born in November 1963 and Terzo being born in February 1964, when Nihil was 23 years old.
CAN YOU EXPLAIN THE TRANSFORMATION FROM PAPA EMERITUS, WHO IS CREDITED ON OPUS, TO PAPA II? NAMELESS GHOUL: Papa I had sat his years and it was time for the succession. The major difference between the two dudes is probably the age: Papa I was in his 80s whereas Papa II is around 50. A little more mojo. Revolver (May 2013)
Primo - unfortunately, all the info we have on Primo's age is outdated. the above quote says Primo was in his 80s when he was the frontman of Ghost, but that’s not possible since his dad wasn’t even that old. (and yes, Primo is Nihil’s son.) with the new information about Nihil’s age, it seems Primo's age has kinda been silently retconned and we’re just supposed to assume Primo was actually younger than previously thought.
personally, i place Primo as 6 years older than Secondo and Terzo, born in 1958 when Nihil was 17-18 years old. so to me, Secondo and Terzo are right in the middle of Primo and Cardi+twin.
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dirtgrubber · 8 months
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okay so i still can’t get these idiots outta my mind
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lesbiansanemi · 3 months
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Google how to make peace with the fact that you will always be vaguely to extremely uncomfortable (depending on the day) with your body and how others perceive it until the day you die and nothing you do will ever change that
#I almost wish I was much more masc leaning than I am#so the answer would just simply be ‘go on t’#I keep seeing so many posts that are like hrt is good! this is your sign to go on hrt if you’ve ever wanted to!#GOD I wish I were that simple#(those aren’t bad posts that’s not the point they’re just not applicable to me and seeing the sentiment makes me sad and a bit frustrated)#(cuz for me it’s not that easy)#like are there some things T would do to my body that I would like?#yes absolutely. I would LOVE a deeper voice and fat redistribution#but like. that’s it#I would not want it to do anything else#in fact that idea of anything else and potentially ‘passing’ as a man makes me VISCERALLY uncomfortable#I do not want to be a man and I do not want ppl to perceive me as a man#but the same is true for being a woman#I do not like a lot of feminine traits but I do not want to strictly trade them for masculine ones#UNFORTINATELY you cannot pick and choose the affects of hrt#there is no way to ‘look androgynous’ (which is what I want)#(yes ik you can use shapewear and makeup and contour and that can do SOME)#(but it’s A LOT of work and effort I don’t have time or energy to do every day)#(and there’s still some things about my body I wouldn’t be able to alter doing stuff like that)#and it’s like sure I could go on T. but I’d still have this problem just the opposite direction#and it. sucks#it sucks so hard knowing there’s literally no conceivable way I will ever just have a body#that correlates to how I feel gender wise and will get people to ‘gender me correctly’#just based on how I look#and it’s something I’ve been thinking about recently a lot and it’s making me FHDJDKKSSKKSKS in a bad way#I know it’s cuz it’s pride month and I follow A LOT of trans ppl#who are posting trans pride and hrt and surgery info and stuff#(and obviously these are all very good things as I said)#it’s just. because of my particular situation they make me feel… bad#because I won’t ever have an option to be comfortable and happy with how I look lol
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chibi-scone · 6 months
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It’s been said before and the fact that I’m an Izzy simp aside like having a character who survives the most certain death shit ever (shooting himself in the head at point blank) and literally being nicknamed by another character “indestructible” and then become a symbol of protection for a whole group of people die from a fucking bullet to the side that was established in universe to have no vital organs in order to “atone for his sins” or however you wanna spin it and have him say he wants to go after (see point one) literally trying to kill himself in the show that is literally about growth and betterment of the self in a cruel world that wants you dead and where the main (and mostly queer) characters survive the most batshit insane injuries is like COSMICALLY stupid writing like I don’t even understand how you get there and the fact that it’s supposed to be a kind/ happy/meaningful ending is beyond me
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#and Izzy’s whole speech to Ricky before that could be interpreted as what like#being about even if you kill and try to eradicate queer people we’ll always be here#and then have RICKY deal the killing blow ????#wahhhh it’s symbolic#ok it would’ve been more symbolic to have the fucking queer character live like idc you’re all stupid god bless#ofmd critical#tbd#maybe#oh and then I mean not even talking about how it’s supposedly all good#because the main gays who had borderline no redeeming qualities this season had their picket fence ending#literally what’s the point of having Ed come back from the dead#so he can learn that death is not the answer and that there’s love and betterment for him#and have that whole scene with Jim and Archie where they refuse to kill one another because there’s more to life than the cards#they’ve been dealt and they can be the difference#JUST TO HAVE THAT ENDING#my god I just#sorry if you guys are sick of me ranting about ofmd like 5 months after the shit show supreme#but these are like all thoughts that I’ve just had in my head for months but tried to forget#and now they’re just spilling out like idc anymore#ppl have made so many good posts that all say what I think but ig I still need to rant myself jvhsjnv#how long can your neck be for it to allow you to bury your head so deep in the sand#where you truly believe this is good writing idk#side note but gifs of cats randomly blowing up are my favourites#‘Izzy bettered himself before dying so it’s aaaallll good’ hits you hits you#stupid ass shit argument but also that was across maybe a week and dude was piss drunk dissociative half the time
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deadandphilgames · 4 months
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oversharing in the tags time :)
#i think it’s time i go back to therapy#i keep having recurring nightmares about my ex best friend#or dreams where she reaches out to me. and explains why she cut me out#backstory. in high school had a lesbian toxic situationship with my#bestie. THEN i had another one. which kinda overlapped? the first one was open but also just messy#anyways. jade and i were like together for a year. then she got a boyfriend one day and i had a breakdown#it happened just after high school and i was sooooo … unwell. wasn’t out to my family felt like i was gonna die etc etc#(this is all pre dnp btw) anyways next year i found dnp. a couple months later she broke up with her bf#and we sorted dated for a while (this whole time we’d been just friends and i was still not really over it but hiding it)#and then she dated ANOTHER guy. they broke up and she had a breakdown and moved 9 hours away. i went#to visit her for a month. we like kinda dated again then and i thought we could make it work. then 2020. no travel#so she started dating a guy. didn’t tell me. even though we spoke every day. she moved in with him#then she breaks up with him mid 2021. i started dating my gf. but Jade was clingy and it was awkward#she started dating a sketchy guy who was homophobic. i went and visited her a few times#start of 2023 she tells me she wants to make more of an effort cause he didn’t like her friends so she cut everyone out. then she ghosted#in feb 2023. we had tickets for#mcr in march. i had to text her cause she’d blocked me on messenger and said im going to the concert whether she’s there or not#she said ‘yeah no worries! you can take someone else in my place too 😎’ she used that fucking emoji#and I haven’t spoken to her since. I think she quit her job . and that guy was not a nice man#so I still worry about her#writing this all down makes me realise she was a bitch and I deserve better#but I just want closure. it isn’t fair she replied so casually to my text when I said ‘you’ve blocked me’#it isn’t fair she HAS MY SIGNED COPY OF DANS BOOK#anyways. I need therapy to get over this#and I haven’t even written about my family issues (im#out and they’re supportive but my god they fucked me#up as a kid)#if you read this hi 👋 hope you are having a lovely day#don’t get in lesbian situationships!!!
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awsydawnarts · 9 months
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I hate you weight loss ads I hate you packaging that prominently displays calorie content I hate you menus that don’t show how much something costs but instead show the calories I hate you magazines that blast weight loss strategies in your face I hate you influencers promoting detox teas I hate how the world is so unfriendly to people recovering from EDs who are just trying to get through their everyday life without being reminded about it under the guise of a “fitness girlie” lifestyle
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barley-st-band · 4 months
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hey does anyone know how we’re supposed to survive it all. asking for a friend
#she speaks#oh gang we’re really in it now#i don’t think i’ve ever felt this bad this deeply in my whole life lol#the burnout just keeps accumulating past any point i thought it could reach#and i can’t even pretend at work anymore#i’m so tired and these kids are so infuriating and it builds and builds every time they do something shitty#and i love them and it’s not their fault they’re just kids and they’re tired and it’s almost summer#but god i can’t fucking do it anymore#how exactly am i supposed to survive the next two weeks#the class i’m taking is too confusing and too fast paced#and i didn’t buy the textbook bc it’s 200 fucking dollars#and our apartment is always a mess#and i can’t keep up with friendships and feel like i’m constantly letting them down#and there’s nothing i can do to fix any of it#until the school year is over#bc at this point it takes everything i have just to get up and go to work in the mornings#but then i still have to somehow find energy to do other stuff too. and like actually teach.#i have to grade and do report cards and return materials and clean up my classroom#i need to complete a checklist the size of a novel before i leave for the summer#i need to keep the kids engaged but none of us want to be here#i need to start organizing to make next year easier#i need to fill out paperwork and spreadsheets and update my password and find time to feed myself and grade more papers and#vacuum the floors and scoop litter and clean up clutter and do dishes and wipe down counters#and i haven’t been able to fucking do any of it in months and left so many chores to my poor partner who’s also going through it#bc i have nothing left and i don’t know what to do!! i want to scream every minute of every day bc i’m so beyond overwhelmed the moment#i wake up in the morning but i don’t have time for a meltdown so i just keep going!!#i wish i had better words to explain how bad it’s gotten but the brain fog has gotten so so bad#i can barely think i can’t make decisions my memory and recall have gotten so much worse#i take my anxiety meds so often that they’ve stopped working#and yet i still worry that i’m making it up and being dramatic. anyway sorry about all this lol
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digitaldiseas3 · 2 months
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extremely frustrating situation
#overly long winded explanation incoming#so i’m gonna be living with two friends starting this fall#my parents bought a little townhouse and we’re renting from them#so they’re getting all of the paperwork and contracts and leases figured out#and these two friends are just. awful with deadlines. horrific. just the worst.#my dad has been flexible but he’s had to keep nagging them again and again to get these forms signed and whatever#and one of them finally finished the whole process and she’s good to go#but the other one still just needs to get the lease signed/notarized with their dad. like. asap. like within a few days.#and i’m trying my best to be like heyyyy sorryyyy not trying to nag or anything but we do need that ASAP…. it should be quick and easy…#i know you’re working double shifts every single day and your dog just died im so sorry#but my parents say you should be able to just go to the bank during a lunch break to get it notarized…..#please don’t be mad at me or my parents for saying we need this Now…… i’m sorry i know you have a lot going on but we do Need that done#right away….#anyway i don’t want you to be mad at me or think i’m just nagging so here’s a topic change! oh you didn’t respond to the topic change.#fuck me then. god. i can’t tell if you’re mad at me or not but i have the suspicion you Are. and that’s making Me mad at You#like god man just come the fuck on already you’ve missed every other deadline up to this point too. can you please just FUCKING get#everything submitted so we can stop worrying about it and just get excited to live together!! because it’s gonna be fun!!#but it’s worrying me too bc like… if this is how they’re acting before we’re even living together#and they’re missing all of these deadlines#am i gonna have to nag them to pay their rent every month?#it’s just frustrating bc it feels like they’re taking advantage of the fact that it’s my parents and not some other landlord#so they don’t think the deadlines my parents set are like. actual deadlines#meanwhile if it WASNT my parents they’d literally be out of a place to live because the housing market is so fucked there#and if you don’t get everything submitted within The Day then you’re no longer a candidate to rent the place#if you can even get to that point in the first place#so like. my parents are being exceptionally flexible and obv i can’t really know what this friend’s thought process is#but it feels like they’re just kinda taking them for granted and taking advantage of their kindness#like fuck dude just please come on
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