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all-hail-the-witcher · 4 years

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jaskier’s breakup album

alright full disclosure i probably went into way more detail than i needed to. but jaskiers a dramatic little shit and therefore so am i. but this album slowly became my baby and I've been listening to it for the last 2 weeks while I've been doing homework and its a good sad bop. these are just my opinions, but i think it would be cool to see what other people think (esp because im fairly new to this fandom). also this post is really long. sorry about that.

so. we all know jaskier is a bard. he traipses around writing songs about whatever fling he's having or about his witcher. netflix canon makes it pretty clear that geralt is one of jaskiers muses (and probably one of his more reliable ones given what we know about jaskiers dating history). jaskier is also very, very dramatic (as I'm sure everyone knows cause he's the damn comic relief that show desperately needs). in particular though the scene at the beginning of 1x05 where geralt is djinn hunting and jaskier stumbles upon him, drunk, singing off key, and rambles about how "the countess de stael, my muse and beauty of this world, has left me. again. rather coldly and unexpectedly, i might add. i fear i shall die a broken hearted man” and jaskier is clearly half muttering some sad attempt at a breakup song he's trying to write at the beginning of the episode so the question is, wouldn't he do the same thing post mountain scream down with geralt?

the answer is of course, yes he would because jaskier is nothing if not a dramatic little shit. and i am proposing that he writes not only one but an entire album (or set if this is canon era, but if this is canon i think he would keep a great many of these songs to himself, only playing a few select ones with the hopes that someday geralt will hear one and realize how badly he fucked up) of break songs and lamentations about geralt, because say all you want about what their relationship is, but one does not simply go traipsing around the entire continent with someone for 20 years and not grow close to them in some way shape or form (and the show makes it clear that geralt is at least one of jaskiers close friends so). now what is on this breakup album? well I'm glad you asked.

i peg jaskiers music (modern or canon honestly) for this album as being a combination of taylor swift’s folklore/evermore albums and james arthur and ill explain why.

taylor swifts folklore/evermore albums have this almost ethereal, floaty, reminiscent, indie vibes. there are many metaphors, recurring themes and its overall kinda dramatic at points which i feel is exactly what jaskier would be doing right now (it also just kinda gives me canon era vibes, idk). but james arthurs music is much more emotionally intense which i think is definitely in character for jaskier at this point because he strikes me as someone who copes with things through his music. both artists do the sings through story telling in an almost monologue manner which goes along with that kinda bardic music and all that. i also think that jaskier would want geralt to know that these songs are about him because hes dramatic like that (kinda like how taylor swift writes her stuff). anyway here's what i think would be on his breakup album:

heres a link to the playlist

1. the lakes - taylor swift 2. from me to you i hate everybody - james arthur 3. maybe - james arthur 4. sad eyes - james arthur 5. hoax - taylor swift 6. naked - james arthur 7. right where you left me - taylor swift 8. all too well - taylor swift 9. impossible - james arthur 10. exile - taylor swift 11. illicit affairs -taylor swift 12. safe inside - james arthur 13. quite miss home -james arthur 14. my tears ricochet -taylor swift 15. phoenix - james arthur 16. this is me trying - taylor swift 17. happiness - taylor swift 18. death by a thousand cuts - taylor swift 19. empty space - james arthur 20. coney island - taylor swift 21. new years day - taylor swift 22. the 1 -taylow swift

so theres 22 songs which im sure jaskier would do on purpose cause hes a dramatic little shit ( “one song for every year i wasted on you” or something of that sort). jaskier being a dramatic little shit is going to be a recurring theme. some of them work better for modern era than canon era but as a whole this can be interpreted as either romantic or platonic. anyway lets unpack.

1. the lakes by taylor swift (more canon era interpretation)

this song is the bonus and final track off of folklore. the song is actually about how she wants to go live in seclusion with her boyfriend out of the public eye but that is not what it means in this interpretation. i think that this song is about how jaskier feels as though his career as a bard is tainted now because he spent so many years singing geralts praises and there is no way he will be able to escape that part of his life because undoubtedly hes going to get requests for toss a coin and others he wrote about geralt and people will probably know him as “the witchers bard”. so this song is him talking about how he wants to run away and live out his life in seclusion because geralt took from him one of the only happinesses in his life.

Take me to the lakes, where all the poets went to die I don't belong, and my beloved, neither do you Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry I'm settin' off, but not without my muse

the line “i dont belong and my beloved neither do you” references the fact that jaskier feels like an outcast now that he’s spent years traveling around with a witcher, notoriously outcasts from society, so he feels that he doesnt belong anymore either.

I want auroras and sad prose I want to watch wisteria grow Right over my bare feet 'Cause I haven't moved in years And I want you right here

the second stanza references his idealization of living out his life in solitude, with nature, where no one can judge him (and geralt cant yell at him).

jasper would have started this album with that song because it states his intentions: he feels as though he’s done with singing. it could also refer to him leaving the public eye (in modern era) to write this album.

2. from me to you i hate everybody by james arthur (more canon era interpretation)

songs 2-4 on jaskiers album are ones that he wrote at various points while he and geralt were still together/best friends/etc. these three songs establish what the relationship was like before everything went downhill, but they are kind of melancholy, like looking back on a past love (which is what jaskier is doing). this one jaskier wrote about when they met. geralt would have heard him play it before and he would have known that this song was about him (he probably also secretly liked it and jaskier putting it on his album would have been like a slap in the face because it wasn't one that he had shared with other people, thinking it to be too personal). if this album had been released in modern era, jaskier would have released this song as a single to get geralts attention. he would have definitely wanted geralt to know that this album was about him.

I used to come here on my own and drink So I didn't have to think or hear the whispering I stand with people telling lies again In suits and ties again and I just need a friend

they meet in the tavern and its clear that jaskier is Not having a good time and really just needs a friend, hence why he decides to go talk to geralt.

You walked into the room and cut the atmosphere like a knife, alright Sobering mind 'cause up to now, I've just been wasting my time, ooh yeah

the “wasting my time” part is of particular interest because it clearly articulates that jaskier feels as though adventuring around with geralt was the best part of his life and before that he'd just been a bard with debatable songs. the song as a whole makes it sound like geralt was jaskiers lifeline.

3. maybe by james arthur (modern or canon era works)

this song, while geralt would know immediately it was about him, was not one jaskier ever shared with geralt. it would have been written a few years after he and geralt had met initially. the reason that jaskier never shared it was because it talks about destiny and geralt made it Very Clear that he does not want to fuck with destiny.

I don't know what's going on Where you came from and why you took so long All I know is that I feel it Like it's the realest thing, I mean it Something changed when I saw you Oh, my eyes can't lie You said, "They're so damn blue And I love how you're so forward Is it too soon to say I'm falling?"

this would have been what young jaskier felt over the course of a few years after traveling around (or befriending if this is modern). There was probably a slip up somewhere, or jaskier just thought that he got really good at interpreting geralts grunts and the line about the eyes is what he hoped/imagined/thought geralt was saying to him in return.

So maybe Maybe we were always meant to meet Like this was somehow destiny Like you already know Your heart will never be broken by me So is it crazy For you to tell your friends to go on home? So we can be here all alone Fall in love tonight And spend the rest of our lives as one

jaskier probably thinks that destiny is some wildly romantic thing hence why he compares them meeting to destiny. the line about heart break would have also hit especially hard after the mountain scene. also i think its pretty clear that jaskier wants to spend as much of his life traipsing around with geralt in the show (modern era wouldn't have been any different), hence wanting to spend the rest of his life with geralt.

Oh, is it too crazy For you to tell your brothers about me? They told me they'll protect you But I'll look them in the eye Tell them you and I will be as one

this is the part that sells it for me. i think that geralt lambert and eskel would all be very close (admittedly i havent read the books but i kinda get that vibe from the fandom so). this part about geralt telling his bothers about jaskier and then jaskier probably meeting them would have been an Important Moment.

4. sad eyes by james arthur (modern or canon works)

aright so im not sure if geralt has heard this one before. i can see it going both ways. its a possibility that jaskier wrote it at some point and then would kinda sing it softly when hes patching geralt up after a particularly rough hunt so its one of those where like geralts not quite sure what the song is but then he hears it on this album (cause say this was modern era and jaskier actually did release this album geralt would totally buy it after a few weeks and then realize how badly he'd actually fucked up) and is like shit thats what he was singing all along?? but anyway this one is essentially about how jaskier thinks geralt puts too much pressure on himself and all that stuff

You wear the burden World on your shoulders, babe So let me hold the weight I know you're hurting Deep as the coldest pain But this is the order sayin'

essentially jaskier can see through geralts bs and hes calling him out on it and wants him to just take care of himself for once (see: the scene in 1x05 when geralt says he cant sleep)

5. hoax by taylor swift (canon or modern works)

so this song begins the plethora of break up songs that jaskier wrote about geralt. this one would have been written some time after the incident, after jaskier has some time to reflect on the whole thing. i know that taylor wrote this song about enduring a toxic relationship, which kind of works if you think about the way that geralts treated jaskier and how jaskier interpreted it (but im not implying that their relationship was toxic or abusive or anything)

My best laid plan Your sleight of hand My barren land I am ash from your fire

jaskiers plan was to reinvent geralts image and geralt did not think that it was worth it. jaskier is just sorta his side kick (who gets him into trouble, as geralt points out) and geralt kicks him aside like he doesnt mean anything to him (like ash from a fire

Stood on the cliffside Screaming "Give me a reason" Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in Don't want no other shade of blue But you No other sadness in the world would do

this is a little more literal with the screaming on the cliffside. jaskier wanted a reason to stay and geralt didnt want him to. jaskier knows that witchers dont feel emotions (or at least not like humans do) so hes been tricking himself into believing that geralt actually liked having him around, knowing that it was probably going to blow up in his face at some point. but he doesnt quite regret it, and doesnt want to be sad over anyone else.

6. naked by james arthur (modern or canon works)

this kind of goes along with hoax, jaskier probably wrote them around the same time. he’s admitting in this song that he would be willing to try to work it out with geralt, but geralt needs to change first (needs to actually communicate and let him in and all that stuff).

'Cause here I am, I'm givin' all I can But all you ever do is mess it up Yeah, I'm right here, I'm tryin' to make it clear That getting half of you just ain't enough

hes quoting geralts words back at him here ( “all you ever do is mess it up” is pretty similar to the line about shoveling shit), saying that all hes ever tried to do is be good and kind to geralt, but geralt hasn't really done the same in return and while jaskier may have dragged him into some things, geralt also needs to take responsibility for what hes done as well.

7. right where you left me (modern or canon works)

this starts the Real Sad Boy Hours songs. this would refer to how he felt pretty much right after, not knowing what to do because geralt had been so much a part of his life for so long:

Help, I'm still at the restaurant Still sitting in a corner I haunt Cross-legged in the dim light They say, "What a sad sight" I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop Right when I felt the moment stop Glass shattered on the white cloth Everybody moved on, I, I stayed there Dust collected on my pinned-up hair They expected me to find somewhere Some perspective, but I sat and stared

this is kind of the processing of the event. and also the moment on the album where the audience would realize that this relationship that he's been telling about until now definitely ended. this song isn't super super emotional, its more a jumble of thoughts cause he didnt know what to feel after the breakup happened. although he didnt write it right after the break up, it was written much after as a looking back.

8. all too well by taylor swift (modern or canon era works)

(the link to this one is from a live performance because i like the emotion in this one better) so this song is not off of folklore (its off of red) but its such a powerful, painful breakup song that i had to include it in the lineup because it seems like something that jaskier would have written very very soon after the incident. the memories especially that she touches on in the song (driving upstate, dancing in the fridge light, looking at the photo album, etc) are all very powerful and real and i can see jaskier doing the same thing. again, if this were modern era i think that he might release this one as a single. theres so much to unpack in this song, this ones gonna be a little longer oops.

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

this clearly references the mountain scene. they were a pretty good duo until geralt blamed him for all his problems. and jaskier was effectively stuck on the top of a very dangerous mountain that he would have had to navigate down by himself.

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

jaskier spent half of his life following geralt around, its likely that he doesnt know what to do with himself or his life now that he doesnt have geralt to follow around on adventures. he doesnt know what to do anymore (see the first song).

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me You can't get rid of it, 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah

this is more of a hope that jaskier has. he hopes that geralts held onto something of his that he left behind. maybe he left a shirt in one of roaches saddle bags (canon) or a notebook in their apartment (modern) that geralt just cant seem to get rid of. he would like to think that he had an impact on geralts life and that it wasn't just all for nothing. in the beginning, he wants geralt to be just as hurt as he is.

'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

this is a dig at geralt. he'd never had someone to follow him around on adventures before, much less a human. as far as we know it seems like jaskiers the first human that has even given him the time of day. this is jaskiers way of throwing it back in geralts face

9. impossible by james arthur (canon or modern works)

this would have also been written very soon after the incident. it is more jaskier being mad at himself for not seeing the signs than him being mad at geralt. it is almost like his admittance of the event and like hes finally accepting what happened.

I remember years ago Someone told me I should take Caution when it comes to love, I did And you were strong and I was not My illusion, my mistake I was careless, I forgot, I did

jaskier is someone who clearly falls in love (or at least screws around with people) easily so its likely that someone would have given him some advice along these lines once. but when he met geralt its likely that this caution went to the wind.

When all is done, there is nothing to say And if you're done with embarrassing me On your own you can go ahead, tell them

Tell them all I know now Shout it from the rooftops Write it on the skyline All we had is gone now Tell them I was happy And my heart is broken All my scars are open Tell them what I hoped would be impossible

this hints at the first song on the album. jaskier has no stomach for singing for audiences asking to hear about the adventures of geralt of rivia. this is his way of telling geralt that, almost as his punishment, he should have to deal with the people who ask why hes not traveling with his bard anymore, because jaskier has no intention of doing so. this is pretty brutal because (as we know) geralt doesnt really enjoy talking about feelings, or talking at all in general.

10. exile by taylor swift (modern or canon era works)

this is a fictitious conversation that jaskier wrote as occurring between him and geralt. it can be looked at either way but i think it makes more sense if bon iver is jaskier and taylor is geralt.

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending You're not my homeland anymore So what am I defendin' now? You were my town Now I'm in exile seein' you out I think I've seen this film before

this first chorus is from jaskiers perspective. note the use of “homeland,” as home becomes a theme on jaskiers album. in geralts version of the chorus the line instead is “youre not my problem anymore” which is probably what jaskier took the whole mountain thing to mean.

All this time We always walked a very thin line You didn't even hear me out (you didn't even hear me out) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) All this time I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind) I couldn't turn things around (you never turned things around) 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)

(the () in this are geralt) this is jaskiers lamentations about how he didnt notice geralts abject discomfort in their relationship and also his regrets in not being able to remedy the situation.

11. illicit affairs by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

so this song is clearly and obviously about an affair. however, i have seen interpretations of the song where people view it as being in a relationship that is so intense and well hidden that in a sense it is almost like an affair, like in the aftermath you’re not even sure if it was real or you deemed it because there isnt really a trace of this other person anymore, and that is the way i think jaskier would have written this song.

And you wanna scream Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else

the dont call me kid, dont call me baby part would reference jaskiers humanity, he has a normal human lifespan at least in canon (very much unlike geralt) so geralt might brush him off as being young and stupid. jaskier would have made this album to show geralt that hes not being young and stupid, that this did screw him up, and hes suffering cause of it. kind of like a reality check or a slap in the face.

Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself A million little times

the secret language would of course refer to geralt himself. hes a hard man to understand (especially cause half his vocabulary is grunts) and hes also a witcher. so jasper had to learn to understand him and now he has no use for that anymore. and the ending line about ruining myself. that would be jaskiers admittance that he would do it again, he'd do it all again, which comes back up in later songs.

12. safe inside by james arthur (canon era interpretation)

this is one that jaskier would have written maybe a week or so after the incident. the song itself deals with distance and coping with not being in someones life anymore, and i think that that is something that jaskier would struggle to cope with because hes not sure he wants geralt to be alone. this song is more for jaskier than for geralt.

Everyone has to find their own way And I'm sure things will work out okay I wish that was the truth All we know is the sun will rise Thank your lucky stars that you're alive It's a beautiful life

obviously geralt can take care of himself, but its kinda clear that he doesnt much like his life as a witcher (the part where he talks about them getting slow and killed). so this is kind of jaskiers way of almost reminding geralt that his life on the path is still beautiful and important now that he back by himself.

Oh, will you call me to tell me you're alright? 'Cause I worry about you the whole night Don't repeat my mistakes, I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside If you're home I just hope that you're sober Is it time to let go now you're older? Don't leave me this way, I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside

this is more jaskier worrying about geralt being by himself. he hopes that hes okay in the aftermath of this this and that hes taking care of himself still. because of course jaskier would write a whole breakup album but still write one song about how he hopes the person is doing well.

13. quite miss home by james arthur (modern era interpretation)

this song. oh my god. its so amazing. if you dont listen to any of these, at least listen to this one (actually im pretty sure no ones read to this point so if you have thanks). this song is kind of more along the same vein as the previous one, how jaskier misses geralt but its more for him than geralt. he would have probably written it at like 3am in a fit of tears and weakness, and debated long and hard about whether or not to put it on the album, but done it anyway because what does he have to lose? theres a lot to unpack here tho so this is going to be a longer one. (sorry)

I'm in the kitchen while you smoke outside You're careful not to let the smoke inside I always tell you it's poison But I know it helps you take the edge off the day We get a drink before it's closing time The one on high street with the blinking sign All these memories feel poignant I won't be there to see the snow melt away

this is a very very clear picture of an event that seems to have happened a great many times, so much so that it seems like second nature. its like a little glimpse into what their life was before this incident. its intimate, but it still is melancholy.

Whoa I'm in another city I got nobody with me And it just really hit me

this is where jaskier is now, it provides some opposition. its like a culture shock almost, like hes so used to this intimate lifestyle with another person that its jarring to be by himself.

That I quite miss home And I miss you telling me To leave my shoes at the door 'Cause you just swept the floor And the dirt drives you crazy Yeah, I quite miss home 'Cause it feels like poetry When the rain falls down on the window While you're in my arms And we're watching the TV Yeah, I quite miss home

the key here is what jaskier is referring to as “home.” it's not the place, its geralt himself. all these memories center around him, not an establishment. (calling geralt “home” comes back in later songs.) again, this mosh of memories is like theres so many of them that its almost overwhelming but its stemming from jaskiers need to feel something other than lonely and hes craving this reality that hes lost.

14. my tears ricochet by taylor swift (modern or canon era works)

this is a song that really emphasizes jaskiers dramatic little shit tendencies. this is something that he wrote, trying to predict what geralts reaction would be if he found out that jaskier died. this is really just jaskier fantasizing that geralt didnt actually mean any of what he said and does still care about him. theres many lines in here that are jabs at geralt (if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake? and Even on my worst day Did I deserve, babe All the hell you gave me?), but i think this is the most important one:

And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want Just not home And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones And I still talk to you When I'm screaming at the sky And when you can't sleep at night You hear my stolen lullabies

this is again, jaskier referring to geralt as home. as seen in the last song, he clearly wants to go there, but he cant. this could also refer to where he grew up, which he cant go to either because his parents still view him as a disappointment (as seen in finally). jaskier saying he still talks to geralt is completely in character, he probably still curses him and the whole thing. but the part about geralt not being able to sleep at night and hearing his stolen lullabies is really hard hitting. jaskier likes to think that geralt wouldn't be able to sleep without his banter or his lute playing or something of that nature. over all its a very powerful song.

15. phoenix by james arthur (modern or canon works)

this is a fictitious apology that jaskier wrote from geralts pov, kind of what he wished that geralt would say, but knows that he won't.

Let me, let me begin Let me begin, with an I.O.U Who I owe everything to Lately, lately my friend Lately, you think I'm ignoring you But I've been trying to pull through All of the pain, I know you're looking down, down on me I could have been someone I hurt everyone Pushed away everyone who got near

in this “geralt” outlines what he did wrong, and that he didnt mea what he said at all. again, this is more for jaskiers benefit because he knows that even if geralt were to apologize to him, it wouldn't be to this extent.

16. this is me trying by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

this is jaskier trying to articulate the fact that hes trying to pick himself back up after everything, his way of showing his “healing process” and that he can do it, he doesnt need geralt (as the song shows, its not going very well)

And it's hard to be at a party When I feel like an open wound It's hard to be anywhere these days When all I want is you You're a flashback in a film reel On the one screen in my town And I just wanted you to know That this is me trying (maybe I don't quite know what to say) I just wanted you to know That this is me trying

its showing that jaskier is having trouble enjoying things that he once did (like parties) because hes still so distraught over what happened with geralt, but at the same time he also wants to show geralt that he doesnt need him. it has a very i dont care kind of attitude, but jaskier at the same time is having a hard time showing geralt that hes doing okay, hence the “maybe i dont quite know what to say” which is out of character for the very talkative bard

17. happiness by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

this is more him convincing himself that things will be okay. he's clearly trying at this point to move on, but its proving difficult because geralt was his happiness for so long:

There'll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you Both of these things can be true There is happiness

he also repeats the line “havent me the new me yet” a few times, which i think is again him trying to convince himself that its going to get better and he will move on from it. but this line is the one that i think hurts the most:

No one teaches you what to do When a good man hurts you And you know you hurt him too

this implies that 1. he still thinks geralts a good man (not a monster) and 2. that he knows he hurt him to and doesn't know how to fix either of them. this is also kind of him giving up on how to fix it, but him recognizing they were both at fault is important for the arc of the story.

18. death by a thousand cuts by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

this is another song that is not off of folklore (its from lover), but i wanted to include it because it think it has a little bit of anger to it (especially in this live acoustic version that i linked) which i think that jaskier would feel a few weeks post incident in a fit of rage, like why am i still feeling this way? why did you think that this was okay?? and its right after happiness, which shows that his healing really isn't linear. there's many lines in this song that pertain to geralt and jaskier and i could talk about the whole thing but im not going to

But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?

this i think is very jaskier. its so raw and like, i know this is over, why am i still writing about it? why am i making an album about this? why should this still matter to me? its very angry and again, like many of the songs, like a slap.

My heart, my hips, my body, my love Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch Gave up on me like I was a bad drug Now I'm searching for signs in a haunted club Our songs, our films, united, we stand Our country, guess it was a lawless land Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts

this part, especially if you listen to her sing it, (which i would HIGHLY RECOMMEND BTW) is very passive aggressive and the the last line is like quite sarcastic and downplays it, like, yes you put me through all of this, but i guess its *just* a thousand cuts. this really shows that in many ways geralt was a part of jaskiers life, and his sudden removal from it would have stung in many ways, and thats not something that you can get over quickly.

19. empty space by james arthur (modern or canon era works)

this song starts the beginning of jaskier getting over geralt. these last 4 songs would have been written much after the incident, after hes had time to think, but there's still this nagging in the back of his head thats like, well what if im being stupid and he is the one and im supposed to go back?

I don't see you You're not in every window I look through And I don't miss you You're not in every single thing I do I don't think we're meant to be And you are not the missing piece I won't hear it Whenever anybody says your name And I won't feel it Even when I'm burstin' into flames I don't regret the day I left I don't believe that I was blessed I'm probably lyin' to myself again

this is more what jaskier wants to be, not what he actually is. he thinks that hes over geralt, but hes not (the chorus gets into it more but im not going to talk about it here, but it essentially says “only you can fill this empty space”) clearly jaskier is further along in his healing process, but hes still having second thoughts. he wants to be over him, but he knows hes lying to himself, very deep down.

20. coney island by taylor swift (more modern era interpretation)

this is the true moving on song. it’s still laced with memories and speculation, but it puts clear distance between the two of them, much more so than empty space does because it lacks the longing. it just shows things for what they are.

And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island Wondering where did my baby go? The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go Sorry for not making you my centerfold

its apologetic, but nothing more than that. it dwells more on what could have been rather than what he wants it to still be.

The question pounds my head What's a lifetime of achievement If I pushed you to the edge? But you were too polite to leave me And do you miss the rogue Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

this is interesting because it addresses their immortality and how they've been together for years and also the way in which they left things (paradise). but it also implies that things were on the downfall. and the last two lines about forgiveness is interesting because it then calls geralt “too wise to trust me and too old to care” meaning its more a wish of jaskiers rather than something he knows geralt will do.

Were you waiting at our old spot In the tree line By the gold clock Did I leave you hanging every single day? Were you standing in the hallway With a big cake, happy birthday Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest grey? A universe away And when I got into the accident The sight that flashed before me was your face But when I walked up to the podium, I think that I forgot to say your name

these are all very specific, very intimate moments that would clearly mean something to geralt. and it further implies that jaskier is uncertain if he actually made geralt feel appreciated when they were together. but again, its more what could have been rather than what jaskier wanted it to be, which is a nice segway into the last two songs.

21. new years day by taylor swift (modern era interpretation)

this is another one not from folklore, this song is the closing track on reputation, but i like the nostalgia of it so i decided to include it (and it also has good parallels to the last song). initially jaskier intended for this to be the last song on the album, but decided to add another one last minute (and we will get into why). this song is more jaskiers muted longing to still be with geralt, albeit in the far future.

There's glitter on the floor after the party Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor You and me from the night before but Don't read the last page But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away I want your midnights But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

this interpretation is very much like the actual songs interpretation: the desire to stay with someone through the unexciting parts of life, like cleaning up after a party on new years day. additionally, wanting to start something new with someone (being there with them past the midnight kiss and actually starting the first day of the year with them). additionally though, there is the line of “dont read the last page” which refers to the last song on the album, which we will get to.

Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you And I will hold on to you Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

this is more jaskiers reality. hes torn between holding onto these memories and hopes and actually facing reality. he wants to hold on to geralt, but he also kinda wants to move on. and the last line about the laugh, thats more jaskiers own hope, he hopes that he will come across geralt again and things will work themselves out.

22. the 1 by taylor swift (modern era interpretation)

the decision to make this song the last one on the album was a very last minute decision, and it was written significantly after the rest of the songs. the reason for this was without this last song, the album ends on a note of hope “Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere” but this last song is more of a reality check and acknowledgment that what's done is done and that it will never be again.

I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit Been saying "Yes" instead of "No" I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though

this refers to the fact that its been some time since the whole thing and jaskiers kind of changed a little bit. he claims hes doing good, and maybe is going to try out a new career (since the first song references wanting to put music down for awhile). seeing geralt at the bus stop is a reference to cardigan where he says “chasing shadows in the grocery line” where hes not actively looking for geralt anymore and it doesnt upset him that he didnt see him.

I guess you never know, never know And if you wanted me, you really should've showed And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow And it's alright now

this is jaskier saying that hes almost glad that it happened because it gave him a new perspective and it was a learning experience. he also says that its alright, which is the second time that hes said hes okay, which probably means he isnt completely, but hes much closer than he was on the rest of the album because hes not still looking for geralt at every turn

I have this dream you're doing cool shit Having adventures on your own You meet some woman on the Internet and take her home We never painted by the numbers, baby But we were making it count You know the greatest loves of all time are over now I guess you never know, never know And it's another day, waking up alone

this is jaskier acknowledging the fact that geralt has probably long since moved on with his life, either with other romantic people or with his life entirely (the first time he does this on the album). he says that while their love or friendship was unconventional it still was definitely something (implying that it may have been one of the greatest loves of his life). and the waking up alone part references quite miss home and being by himself, but it isnt sad, its just a fact at this point.

But we were something, don't you think so? Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool And if my wishes came true It would've been you In my defense, I have none For never leaving well enough alone But it would've been fun If you would've been the one

this is the part where we see that jaskier has grown. hes recognized that his wanting to be with geralt was never anything more than a fleeting wish or a moment that couldn't last. but he knows that it had potential and it could have worked but it didnt and thats okay. in the last chorus the pennies line is “rosé flowing with your chosen family” which implies that he and geralt were close enough to know each others family (chosen or real), meaning that it meant something. and he wouldn't have minded a long term relationship with geralt, but its not what happened.

in new years day jaskier says “dont read the last page” this song is that last page. part of him still doesnt want geralt to know that hes put aside the hope of it working because he wants to still keep himself open for geralt, but knows that its not healthy and ultimately he needs to move on. hes essentially giving geralt the choice: remember jaskier as wanting to get back with him (since the last line of the album would have been “please dont ever become a stranger who's laugh i could recognize anywhere” or let him have the knowledge that jaskier is done with him (since the official last line of the album is “but it would have been fun if you would've been the one”)

anyway thats jaskiers breakup album. i put way too much effort into this. and if you actually read through the whole thing, thank you and please let me know what you think!! if you use this for fics or have your own interpretations please please tag me, id love to see!!

#the witcher #geralt of rivia #geralt #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #geraskier #wow this took so long #literally so long #id recommend listening to the songs tho theyre all kinda vibey #there's like a million songs i could have used but i liked these ones cause i think they have a very nostalgic vibe #also dont get me wrong jaskier would also eventually release some sones like uhh #truth hurts by lizzo #like very fuck you breakup songs #but this is him being sad first #anyway im literally only posting this cause witcher anon said they wanted to read it #i hope you like it my dude

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luvdsc · 4 years

Text

tag games ;

tagging :: @eggyukhei ; @jaemericano ; @aqiaquas ; @forehead-enthusiast ; @choerrypuffs ; @latetaektalk ; @winetae ; @taeyongtime ; @nochanchu 🌼

—

TAG GAME ONE

tagged by :: @njmin thank you, lovebug! ✨

— tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

omg ok it was april 2014, and I was procrastinating on homework and scrolling through youtube. shinee’s lucifer mv was recommended for some reason, and I was intrigued, so I clicked on it. From there, it just spiraled out of control. I was blown away like there’s this one dance move where they all lined up and taemin does this hand motion so fluidly and I was like “this is it.” More shinee mvs were recommended after I clicked that one, so I kept going and watching all the other ones until I watched them all. Their music is just so different and unique, like even after all this time, I can’t find another kpop group who mimics the music style of shinee. and all their solos are absolutely god tier, too!!! they really are gonna be my first and last kpop group. shinee withstood through my stan eras for other groups. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being their fan.

I also found snsd through shinee because their mvs were recommended after I clicked lucifer too. the first one I saw is the iconic gee. taeyeon stood out to me in those mvs. her voice is so distinct, and I’ve been a fan of her ever since. She didn’t have a solo then, but I searched up all her drama osts, song features, everything because I loved her voice so much even back then. so yeah, taeyeon and shinee will forever be my faves, and I love them a lot 💓

TAG GAME TWO

tagged by :: @latetaektalk thank you, linh !! 💖

rule :: answer the ten questions and write your own!

— how are you today?

I’m doing really good! I’m enjoying my summer, and my day is pretty lax. I’ve been facetiming friends, watching chopped, making banh bao with my mom, and doing my daily cardio ✨

— what book has had the biggest impact on your life?

the princess knight by cornelia funke. my elementary school did this thing where your parents can buy a book to donate to the school library under your name for your birthday. this was the book my sister chose for me when I was in kindergarten. I loved that book; I borrowed it so many times and kept rereading it. It’s a children’s picture book about a princess who secretly learns how to joust. the king tries to give her hand in marriage to the knight who wins the competition, but she defeats them all and chooses to marry the gardener’s son who she loves 💕

— what is something you think everybody should have done once in their life?

Travel. There’s just something so wonderful about going to a new place, whether that’s halfway across the world or just the town a few states over. It’s a lovely feeling embarking on an adventure to a place unknown to you where you can meet new people, try new foods even if it’s just a random dish at a restaurant you’ve never been to, and make memories with strangers that no one back home ever has to know about. There’s just something intriguing about being able to go somewhere else and be someone else for an hour or a day or a week before you return back home.

— what story are you the most proud of and why?

on my previous blog, I wrote a fic called the universe of us, and it’s 21k+ wc. I poured my blood, sweat, and tears into that fic, and although I can’t read it now without cringing, I really am super proud of myself for pulling through and writing that. The concept of it was unique, in my opinion, and I would love to rewrite it someday! 💫

on this blog, I am most proud of the dumbing down of love. that fic is personal to me because it is literally comprised of my college experiences in written format and the characters embody my friends. I wrote that over the span of 3-4 nights, and that’s the fastest I’ve ever written a fic of that length. the words just flowed so easily for that fic, and the quesadilla scene was the first thing I wrote, and I’m quite proud of that scene!! 💓

— what has made you really happy recently?

I graduated uni!!!!! 💛💛

— what is the first thing you want to do after this whole pandemic is over and it’s safe to go out again?

I want to eat sushi LOL I haven’t had it in four months, and I’m craving it so badly.... I also want to go out with my friends again! I miss being able to see them everyday and our late night shenanigans ):

— if you had to make a soundtrack/playlist based on your life, how would you call it and which songs would you include?

honestly, these are just a bunch of my favorite songs throughout my entire life. some of them don’t relate to me personally, but I remember listening them on repeat, and I still know all the lyrics to them 💘

title: cue the soundtrack of my life

songs: complicated ⋆ avril lavigne ⋮ check yes, juliet ⋆ we the kings ⋮ the way i loved you ⋆ taylor swift ⋮ a daydream away ⋆ all time low ⋮ that’s what you get ⋆ paramore ⋮ i won’t give up ⋆ jason mraz ⋮ holy ground ⋆ taylor swift ⋮ lucifer ⋆ shinee ⋮ don’t go ⋆ exo m ⋮ 1000 years ⋆ shinee ⋮ breathe ⋆ taeyeon & jonghyun ⋮ coffee ⋆ bts ⋮ you are in love ⋆ taylor swift ⋮ walk you home ⋆ nct dream ⋮ i ⋆ taeyeon ⋮ tell me what to do ⋆ shinee ⋮ mad city ⋆ nct 127 ⋮ gravity ⋆ taeyeon ⋮ blueprint ⋆ stray kids

— what is your favourite breakfast food?

omg it’s this one dish that I order every time I go to the diner near my university, and it’s a smoked salmon eggs benedict with hollandaise sauce and hash browns 🤩🤩

— how did you get into writing and is it something you would like to do as your job?

I’ve always enjoyed writing, and my teachers sent me to the young authors’ faire every year from kindergarten to 8th grade. You don’t really get to write creative stories in class when you’re older though, and I stumbled upon fanfiction, and here we are. It’s not something I want to do as my job though. Writing is simply a fun pastime and hobby for me!! If I was forced to write or profit off of it, then that’d take fun out of it ):

— did you remember to drink enough water today?

yes, I did!! I make sure to drink 6-8 large cups of water a day :’) stay hydrated!!! 🤍

my questions for you:

what’s your favorite jelly bean flavor?

if you hated your child, what name would you give them?

do you pour cereal first or milk first?

do you like pineapple on your pizza?

if you could be a celebrity for the day, who would you be and why?

what are three dealbreakers for you in a relationship?

what’s your favorite word and why?

would you rather punch your ult bias in the face full force or lick the porta potty that hasn’t been cleaned after Coachella weekend?

which song(s) would you cut out from nct’s discography?

what’s the most unique/interesting food you’ve ever eaten?

TAG GAME THREE

tagged by :: @pwarkhans ty, sweetpea! 🌸

rule :: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

#tag games

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less-than-hash · 5 years

Text

A Lot to Process

I haven’t been making games lately, but that doesn’t mean I’ve not been writing. I took off at the beginning of the year to work on my prose fiction, finished drafting a novel provisionally titled These Subtle Games back in March, and finished revising it and began querying it last month. It’s a contemporary occult fantasy set in Boston, following a nonbinary game developer investigating the untimely and mysterious demise of her mentor, only to find herself drawn into a morass of conspiratorial cabals, mystical mobsters, and misogynist massholes - not to mention a sprawling hidden ARG that may or may not contain the secrets of New England cunning magic.

It’s basically autobiography.

In the meantime, I’ve begun writing a new novel, an industrial fantasy set in a world of sprawling empires both challenged and propped up by powerful mercantile houses and an aggressively expansionist church ruled by wizards. I found that the process I stumbled through in developing and writing These Subtle Games - a process that, despite the differences in media, grew out of my experience creating games - worked really well for me, so I’ve been following a more refined version for the new novel with similarly positive results. Furthermore, I’ve already begun applying it to a potential sequel to TSG. With Novelember coming up, I figured I’d share a little of that process with you.

The goals of my writing process are twofold:

To apply some level of organization to my work, lest it follow in the footsteps of my first novel, which was basically “write until you’re done writing, and now you’ve got 141,000 words of experimental weirdness.”

To allow a lot of flexibility, preventing said organization from stifling my creativity.

Details below the cut.

PRE-PRODUCTION, aka Background, Research, and Planning

I spend a lot of time with the concept for a novel (or a conversation in a game) before I begin writing anything that’ll make it into even the rough draft. Note that I didn’t use the “before I put pen to paper” metaphor here, because I do a lot of writing at this stage. Much of this is simple note-taking, whether on research or on ideas. I do a fair amount of this in an actual notebook, often because I’m off somewhere away from my computer.

Because this phase generally overlaps with the late phases of a previous project, and when I’m actually at my computer I’m generally working on the older piece. I was in this phase for Hidden Sanctum while recording VO for Seeker, Slayer, Survivor, for example, and for These Subtle Games while wrapping up my work on the Deadfire expansions.

I like to overlap projects like this for a few reasons:

It allows me to move smoothly from active work on one project to the next.

It engages a different part of my mind than drafting prose, keeping me fresh.

Because I spend a lot of time exploring an idea, it helps me determine whether or not I think the idea’s strong enough to sustain me through a project.

Things I do while planning:

Read extensively. I read work in the same vein or genre as the work I’m intending to write. In preparation for Deadfire, for example, I read The Gentleman Bastards books by Scott Lynch, Uprooted by Naomi Novik, and Kings of the Wyld by Nicholas Eames. Prior to starting work on These Subtle Games I read Procession of the Dead by Darren Shan, War in Heaven by Charles Williams, Hardboiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami, Our Lady of Darkness by Fritz Lieber, Conversion by Katherine Howe, the Atlanta Burns books by Chuck Wendig, A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness, and Himself by Jess Kidd, among others. Before beginning the current novel, I read Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo, The Incorruptibles by John Horner Jacobs, Prince of Thieves by Chuck Hogan, and Perdido Street Station by China Miéville, among other works. These are books I read specifically because I planned to do work in similar spaces. I approach these books analytically to get a sense of what’s been done before, as well as what might and might not work from a structural or stylistic standpoint. What I want to do and what I want to avoid. Nor do I limit myself to books. As part of my pre-production for my current project I watched Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Les Miserable, L’Empereur de Paris, The Age of Innocence, and Carnival Row, as well as replaying parts of the Dishonored games. I also made myself a music playlist, the heart of which is Postmodern Jukebox’s cover of “Welcome to the Black Parade.”

Research broadly. I’m less of the school that one should write what they know than that they should know what they write. I generally write fantastic works, but without an understanding of matters related to the fantasy, the product feels hollow. This can include research into the history of sail and piracy, for example, or military technology, or fashion. For These Subtle Games I read numerous books on New England folklore and cunning folk, as well as on witch trials, both in Salem and globally. I read a lot about Harvard’s study of psychedelics, including Michael Pollan’s How to Change Your Mind. I also did a tremendous amount of deeply unpleasant research into online harassment. At this point in the process, I try to prioritize the forest for the trees (hence “broadly” above). I don’t need to know every maritime term to plot content set on a sailing vessel, I just need to know the broad strokes of how ships work, how the crew lives, and how that might impact someone living on the sea. My current project required a fair amount of exploration of subjects as diverse as industrial era mill towns, the history of the American and French revolutions, and dinosaurs. While doing this research, I keep an eye out for things I find interesting that can inform my plot. I’d never heard of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire, for example, but reading about it inspired a plot point in the current project. That said, I don’t feel like I need to be an expert at this stage on anything I hope to write about. I’m almost certainly going to discard ideas and discover new ones as I go along, and I’ll have to dig deep into things like boot styles and fishing vessels (to pick two subjects from yesterday’s writing) as I go.

Figure out what I want to say. Here I work to nail down the broadest themes I want to explore in a work. These usually arise from a combination of my research and reflecting on the things I find interesting about whatever I’m making the subject of my project. Initially These Subtle Games was titled The Quiet Game (a title already claimed by a murder mystery set in Massachusetts) because of its interest in secrets (as reflected in the secret societies of Boston, the NDAs of the games industry, and the arcana of ARGs like the Jejune Institute). The new novel examines colonialism, capitalism, and power, as well as what actions are justified when resisting an overwhelming force. The three DLC for Deadfire interrogate the relationships between the gods of Eora and their followers, the Watcher included. Defining this helps guide all of the work to come, providing a benchmark by which to judge the effectiveness of an idea, plot point, or piece of writing.

Build out the world. These Subtle Games is set in modern Boston and Deadfire in Eora, both worlds that were well-defined long before I began creating fiction set in them. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t spend time fleshing out the corners of those worlds I intended to work within. TSG required that I determine the form of a fictionalized Boston games industry, as well as the shape of the secret cultures that inform the action of the novel. For Deadfire, each piece of content, each world map event, and each DLC island is a little world of its own, with its own story that feeds back into the larger ideas of the game. (Of course, I wasn’t working in a vacuum, nor alone.) The current project, set in a new fantasy world, required the creation of a rough geography and history, populated with peoples, nations, and faiths. I designed these not merely to have verisimilitude, but to feed into the goals of the work. In the case of the new project, that meant huge colonial powers jockeying for the dwindling unclaimed territories and their resources, vast trade companies conspiring to wrest power from the entrenched nobility, a clergy focused on enforcing the rule of the gods over every nation of the world, and several species of magically-crafted servitors provided curtailed rights when they’re afforded any freedom at all. Here, again, I prefer to take a diffuse approach. I can get by with the broad strokes, and leaving things undefined offers me more room to maneuver as I write. I personally also find it useful to gather art references at this stage. I have a folder of illustrations that suggest the mood and style of the world of the new project, for example. For These Subtle Games, I commissioned an illustration of my protagonist from the fantastic Katorius (below).

Sketch out the major characters. Generally by this point I’ve got ideas for at least a few of the characters, but before I start writing I want to have a strong sense of who each of those characters is. I generally write a few pages about the major players, their background, their attitudes, their role in the plot. This is worldbuilding, albeit with a narrowed focus, so the rules above apply: I try to keep things vague and flexible. I knew at this stage, for example, that These Subtle Games protagonist Laurie’s best work friend Meri grew up in California, and that if she lost her job, she might move back. That she was a surfer and played ska were details that came out in the writing. She also grew from being only moral support to providing occasional practical aid to Laurie, as well as coming to rely on Laurie in turn. Similarly, in the current project, the six characters the novel focuses on, something of a band of scoundrels, shifted over the course of development from their sketches. The relationship between two characters who are fugitives from the imperial government, for example, changed dramatically. Whereas they had been initially written as an inseparable pair, I found it much more interesting if they were on the outs after years of traveling and working together, adding (another) fracture in the crew’s interpersonal dynamics. I’ve talked before about how Vatnir went from being a charming con-artist to a grumpy reluctant messiah after I saw concept art for him. Similarly, I knew from my first moments with Serafen that he possesses no qualms about employing violence in the course of his work; the delineations, though, that he creates for himself regarding when violence is appropriate was something developed over the course of writing him.

Identify big tentpole moments. Here’s the first bit of actual plot work. At this point I’ve likely got ideas of notes I absolutely want to hit. I knew, for example, that I wanted Laurie, the protagonist of These Subtle Games, to discover an object late in the novel that redefines her relationship to her uncle and her understanding of his role in the mystery she’s unraveling. Inspired by the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire, I knew I wanted the crew in the new project to be party to the inadvertent destruction of a textile mill, one made all the worse for its owners having locked the workers within. In both cases, these moments speak directly to the ideas I’m exploring in the work. Once I’ve identified a few of my tentpoles, I order them in a way that makes dramatic sense to me, and that gives me not an outline, exactly, but guideposts for the narrative. As mentioned so many times above, the goal is to provide myself guidance, not to hem myself in or nail down every plot point.

Once I’m relatively comfortable with my sense of where I’m taking a work, I begin writing what I call my “plot doc.”

PRE-ALPHA, aka The Plot Doc

I don’t generally outline my work. I go from the extremely rough tentpole step mentioned above into a kind of extremely rough draft I call my plot doc. These provide the skeleton and heart of the novel onto which I can layer the muscle and flesh of actual writing. The plot doc is pretty long - the one for These Subtle Games was 49,000 words, about half the length of the finished novel. The plot doc for the current project weighs in at 31,000 words.

Almost none of these words will end up in the actual book as-is.

I care very little about the state of the writing at this step. Here I’m exploring the plot and the characters, drafting out how they go from tentpole to tentpole, figuring out what in the narrative works and hopefully identifying what doesn’t. I find where I’ve failed to establish needed details in my worldbuilding and further define my characters.

This step actually developed directly from my work in narrative design. Generally I (like many of the narrative designers I know) stub out a branching conversation before writing it, creating a kind of detailed outline (where everything is written with the same lack of polish as the LRs pictured in my post about interjections). This lets us establish the flow of the conversation, plot its structure without having to worry too much about details of style, and hopefully locate any holes or major bugs prior to fleshing out the file. Generally the text in stubs would be difficult to mistake for shippable writing.

I personally find stubbing out conversations useful because I think differently during the mechanical work of structuring files than I do during the artistic work of crafting dialog and prose. I’ve found a similar division of labor incredibly useful when crafting plot. It relieves a lot of the pressure of writing, too. I don’t have to worry about both building a functional plot and writing enticing prose. Because I’m going to be the only person ever reading the plot doc.

(Unless, of course, I do something ridiculous like share pieces of it on my tumblr.)

Here’s an excerpt from the plot doc for These Subtle Games, which I’ll contrast with later versions below:

A car awaits her in Gloucester, and it brings her to Matthias’s house. It’s a sizable home, stone, and old, somewhat decrepit, even. Ivy climbs the turrets, and the copper roof has gone to streaked verdigris. He stands in the open door as she approaches, and she hugs him, grateful for the familiar, and he returns the gesture stiffly, patting her lightly on the back. He’s tall and rail thin, built much as she is, with a well-kept beard and receding hair. He feels old-fashioned to her, in a dressing gown and pajamas with warm, soft house shoes.

Hello, niece, he says.

Hello, uncle.

He offers her food, which she declines, and takes her to her room, just off the main room.

Ouch. It’s little more than stream of consciousness, just me getting the ideas out onto the page. Or 200 pages, in the case of this project.

ALPHA, aka The Rough Draft

Once I’ve completed the plot doc, I begin actually writing. I do this in a new file, referring to the plot doc for guidance as I go along. Often I do this a little inconsistently, letting myself write until I hit a lull before returning to the plot doc. That way the plot doc serves not merely a guiding role, but a motivating function.

The rough draft is the first actual composition I’m doing on the work, and much of it actually ends up in the finished version. I take significantly more time on each scene, on each sentence, trying to craft prose that breathes and dialog that feels real.

I also tend to be a bit loose and experimental at this stage. I play around, writing things that I find interesting to read. If I find myself weighing style against readability, I generally err on the side of style. I can clean shit up later.

Here’s the scene from before, taken from the rough draft:

The car Matthias hired lets Laurie off at the gate, which creaks opens on hydraulic pistons as she leaves her tip.

The driver nods towards the tree-lined darkness. “Hop back in, and I’ll run you up. Real door to door service. If you’d like.”

Having relaxed at an exponential rate with each mile she put between herself and the city, Laurie shakes her head with a faint smile. “I could use the walk.”

“You don’t think you’re fat, do you?” His gaze flits the length of her from knees to shoulders, efficiently dispelling the enchantment worked by the commuter rail ride through the dense New England night.

“What? No.”

“Because you’re a beanpole. Almost too skinny, if you ask me.”

She hadn’t. “That’s not what I meant. Just, I want to clear my head, thanks.”

He leaves her to it, and she walks up the curling drive towards the old stone Victorian. The curtained windows glow faintly from within, and warm lamps jut from the quoins. Sprawling ivy climbs the turrets, and rooftop copper has long given way to white-streaked verdigris. Matthias’s is a stately home, but aging, much like the man himself. He meets her at the door in a dressing gown over fine silk pajamas and plush slippers. Her uncle stands as long and lanky as Laurie, with high cheekbones, a higher forehead, and a well-trimmed beard.

She greets him with a hug. She keeps it gentler than she might like, given his age. He’s never appeared frail, exactly, but his features profess a wary delicateness, as if he’d been crafted of pudding cloth and porcelain.

“Niece,” he says quietly, squeezing her shoulder.

“Uncle,” she answers. It’s an old ritual, and with it Laurie’s remaining fear falls away, abandoning her to her exhaustion.

He admits her to the house, the pair padding silently across polished marble past floor-to-ceiling mirrors. Matthias’s home gives the impression of being larger on the inside than the out, a space out of time, populated by statues of stone and painted ceramic. A grand piano dominates one corner, the instrument on which Esme had performed several family recitals during Thanksgiving gatherings past. At thirteen, Laurie’d lugged her hollow-bodied electric through two airports and two more trains to her uncle’s house. After Esme played, Laurie’d produced the guitar and performed a show of her own, all barre and power chords joined to lyrics roundly condemning the evils of industrial capitalism and hypocrisy of American evangelism in terms both suggestive and explicit. The gathered family had clapped politely enough, but she later overheard her father’s sister thank him for leaving the amplifier back in Carrboro.

Esme had told Laurie she’d loved it.

“Are you hungry?” Uncle Matthias asks her as they pass the sliding double doors to the dining room and the kitchen beyond.

She shakes her head. “I’m very full of food, but thank you.”

The scene’s significantly longer now, and I’ve further defined the driver, detailed the house, and defined aspects of Laurie’s relationship to it and her family. And hey, now it’s got quotation marks!

Once I finish the rough draft, I celebrate a bit. Hey, I wrote a fucking novel!

But I don’t share. I know I’m not happy with the work yet. I’m sure it’s riddled with grammatical errors. It’s probably got some questionable shifts in verb tense. It likely sports an inconsistency or six. I know I can do better, so I set out to do so.

BETA, aka The First and Second Revision

Here’s where the hard work of revision begins. I read the book, taking notes on things I’d like to change, then go through carefully, making both the changes I’d noted and performing close editing. I try to polish overwritten lines and clarify confusing sentences. I look for inconsistencies, especially when moving scenes around.

Were this a conversation in a game, this would be the point I marked it for review by a lead or solicit feedback from QA and my fellow designers. Having done a revision or two on a book, I’m feeling pretty confident in what I’ve made, so I give it to any beta readers I’ve enlisted, that they might remind me that I do, in fact, have a long-ass way to go before it’s good.

GOLD, aka The “Finished” Product

Once I’ve got feedback from my readers (and have perhaps let the book sit for a bit to work on pre-production for an upcoming project - or just played a shit-ton of Final Fantasy XIV...), I return to the novel or conversation to polish it further.

At this point I’m looking to flesh out details, to make sure each sentence serves a purpose. To chop off unnecessary phrases and to make sure each interaction is bringing out the characters’ personalities.

Here’s the fourth (and currently final) revision of the scene from above:

Matthias’s hired car deposits Laurie at his gate, a break in the thick stone wall that separates the street from her uncle’s plot of dense, quiet woods. Hickories and pines obscure the sky, swaying gently on a salted breeze off of the Atlantic. As Laurie tips the driver, a pair of heavy, wrought iron hinges creak open with the low hiss of hydraulic pistons.

The man nods towards the tree-lined darkness, his gray hair half-circumscribing his bald pate. “Hop back in, and I’ll run you up. Real door to door service. If you’d like.”

Having relaxed exponentially with each mile she put between herself and the city—a charm cast by the long commuter rail ride through the dense New England night—Laurie shakes her head. “I could use the walk.”

“You don’t think you’re fat, do you?” His gaze flits the length of her, from knees to shoulders, efficiently dispelling the enchantment.

“What? No.”

“Because you’re a beanpole. Almost too skinny, if you ask me.”

“I didn’t.” Her fingernails bite her palms.

“Sure, suit yourself.” His window whispers back into place.

He pulls away, and she waits for his taillights to withdraw around the bend before walking the curled drive towards the old stone Victorian. The curtained windows glow faintly from within, and warm lamps jut from the quoins. Sprawling ivy climbs the turret, and rooftop copper has long given way to white-streaked verdigris. Matthias’s is a stately home but aging, not unlike the man himself. He meets her at the door in a dressing gown over fine silk pajamas and plush slippers. As long and lanky as his niece, Laurie’s uncle’s features add high cheekbones to a higher forehead and a well-trimmed beard.

She greets him with a gentle hug—gentler than she’d prefer, what with his age. He’s never struck her as frail, exactly, but his features profess a wary delicateness, as if he’d been crafted of pudding cloth and porcelain.

“Niece,” he says quietly, squeezing her shoulder.

“Uncle,” she answers. It’s an old ritual, and with it Laurie’s lingering fear falls away, abandoning her to her exhaustion. Her trapezius slackens beneath her uncle’s hand, her scapulae sinking as her frustration flows down her arms and through her twitching fingers. They flick the remnants away.

The pair pad silently across polished marble tiles past floor-to-ceiling mirrors. Matthias’s home gives the impression of being larger on the inside than the out, a space out of time, populated by statues of horses, deer, and dryads in stone and painted ceramic. A grand piano dominates one corner, an instrument on which Esme had performed a series of recitals following Thanksgiving dinners past. At thirteen, Laurie’d lugged her hollow-bodied electric through two airports and two more trains to her uncle’s house. After Esme played, Laurie’d produced the guitar and performed a show of her own, joining steely barre and power chords to lyrics condemning the evils of industrial capitalism and hypocrisy of American evangelism—in terms both suggestive and explicit. The family had clapped politely enough, but later she overheard her father’s sister thank him for leaving the amplifier back in Carrboro.

Esme, of course, had told Laurie she’d loved it. “Maybe my favorite song ever,” she’d said, the liar.

“Are you hungry?” Uncle Matthias asks her as they pass the sliding double doors to the dining room and the kitchen beyond.

Having stopped into a pizza joint on her way to North Station and walked out with a distended Styrofoam clamshell heavy with waffle fries drenched in cheese studded with olives, tomatoes, and jalapenos, she shakes her head. “I’m very full of food, but thank you.”

It’s not hugely different from the rough draft, but there’s a lot more detail, and the weaker phrases have been excised. Matthias no longer “admits her to the house,” for example, because it’s implied that she’s come in by the action. The details at the end about the waffle fries fill an inconsistency in the rough draft: originally Laurie’d eaten nothing that day, so why was she full here? (Deeply interesting, I know.)

Laurie’s decision to snap back at the driver about his unasked for critique of her appearance was a result of beta reader feedback. The additional details about the decor in Matthias’s house subtly ties him to the locations of secret societies Laurie visits later in the book, details I’d not developed until the prior draft. The use of anatomical language to describe Laurie’s body reflects the character’s distance from it. She views it as something of an animate corpse she happens to inhabit rather than a core aspect of her self. Finally, Esme’s response is presented in dialog now, injecting her character into the scene and allowing the prose narration to reflect Laurie’s personality.

Nothing’s really done though. There are more hands for it to go through. Just as a game conversation undergoes changes suggested by QA, shifts in the recording booth, and may end up trimmed or entirely cut due to schedule and budget constraints or even to fix a nasty bug, a novel goes through several hands between the point where the author’s ready to query it and a publisher’s willing to put it on a shelf. But eventually you have to make the decision to be done with a piece, to mark it complete in JIRA and push it down the pipeline.

Then you get to move on to whatever’s next.

Cheers, <#

#fiction #novel writing #prose #process #gamedev #game design #narrative design #worldbuilding

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romanosgirl1978 · 6 years

Text

The Date Plan {Part Two}

Part I

This is kinda short and waayyy too late but I hope you guys like it. Also I’m working on a couple other stories. One Bucky (I’m obsessed with Medieval-ish Bucky now. @invisibleanonymousmonsters is currently writing an amazing series about it and its awesome so with that and a three am instrumental playlist to help me sleep running through my head I came up with it) and the other is another Billy Russo one that is based of the rock version of The Thunder Rolls.

Warnings-Post event embarrassment, Swearing [honestly its like two words so thats a major improvement for me lol], Fluff

Word Count-1278

The sun streams in through the slightly open blinds and slowly wakes you up, worsening the already forming headache as you turn and bury your head in your pillow.

Slowly, you push yourself out of bed and stumble into the bathroom, relying on memory rather than sight to guide you to try to keep the headache from getting worse.

After feeling your way through the doorway you open your eyes and head for the sink, grabbing the ibuprofen from the vanity and taking two.

You groan and turn the shower on, stripping down and stepping under the hot water, letting it wash over and relax you.

Quickly, you dry off and pull on a pair of sweats and one of Bucky's henleys that you stole a few days ago, winding your hair into a messy, damp bun, and heading down to the kitchen for breakfast.

“Good morning, Princess,” Steve says, smirking. “Hows that head of yours feeling?”

You groan and rest your forehead on the refrigerator door.

“How bad is the damage control gonna be?” You ask ruefully.

He laughs. “Not that bad. It was mostly disney songs and then getting swept off your feet by your prince.”

You grab a cool water bottle and press it to the back of your neck. “I don’t remember anything after Sam pushed that damn bottle in my hands,” you admit.

“Dont worry, theres footage we can show you.”

Your eyes widen and you look at him desperately. “Please tell me I didn’t do anything too embarrassing.”

“I’m not sure. Nothing really happened when I was around, that was mostly Sam being embarrassing, but then Bucky took you to your room and who knows what you did then.”

A quick memory of him stroking your cheek flashes through your mind but you decide to chalk it up to a drunken dream.

:Well now that you’ve said that do you know where he is?”

Steve grabs a bowl and shrugs. “Probably the gym. Why?”

“Because I probably need to apologize for something that I did while I was drunk.”

He nods and looks through the cereal in the pantry, “fair enough.”

You down the rest of the bottle quickly and head down to the gym, seeing Bucky at one of the punching bags, back to you and headphones in his ears.

Walking through the door, you make your way over to where he is, circling around to be in his line of sight but a ways back so you don’t get hit by the swinging bag of sand, and wave.

As it swings back to him he grabs it with one arm and takes out his headphones with the other, dropping them around his neck.

“How you feeling doll?”

You blush slightly at the nickname. “Headache from hell but I’ll survive.”

He nods and reaches for the towel beside him, wiping the sweat off the back of his neck.

You wring your hands nervously. “Listen Buck. I’m not completely sure what happened the last half of the night, but Stevie said you took me to my room so I just wanted to say thank you and, for anything else that happened, I’m sorry. I’ve heard stories about myself when I’m drunk…” you rub the back of your neck. “They’re not all that great either.”

He gives you a small smile and waves away the apology.

“Don’t worry about it doll. Nothing really happened,” he gives you a sideways smirk. “But you did say something about me being your prince,” he teases.

You cover your face with your hands. “Oh god.”

He laughs and walks over, putting an arm around your shoulders.

“You also helped Sammy find his prince too.”

“I might have to watch that footage Steve was telling me about,” you groan.

He squeezes your shoulders lightly. “So you don’t remember anything else from last night?” He asks a bit nervously.

You blush and bite your bottom lip, shaking your head slowly. “No, not really. Just a kinda weird dream that I had… but that’s about it. Is there something I need to know?”

Giving you a small smile, he shakes his head. “Nah, nothing important. You just asked me about the girl from the party,” a smirk slides onto his face. “Sounded like you were a bit jealous, doll.”

Rolling your eyes, you shrug his arm off your shoulder, stepping away from him. “You wish Barnes.”

“You've got no idea,” he mutters under his breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing. You eaten breakfast yet?”

“Oh god no,” you groan, holding your stomach. “And please don't mention it again.”

“What? You don't want any nice, greasy bacon? Or sausage?” He teases.

You cover your ears, shaking your head. “Dammit Barnes. You're gonna make me sick.”

He laughs, stepping closer. “Maybe some hash browns, or a nice fluffy biscuit?”

You punch at his chest and he just swats it away.

“Pancakes.”

Another hit and he grabs your wrist.

“A lot of syrup.”

You hit him with your other hand and he wraps it in his arms, pulling you into his chest.

You pout and look up at him. “Bucky, please stooooppp,” you whine, trying to push against him to get away.

He laughs. “Fine, fine. I'll stop. But only for you,” he kisses the top of your head and smiles down at you.

“You going sweet on me Buck?” You question teasingly, looking up at him, smile soft across your face.

“Always been sweet on you doll.”

“So… did you ever tell me why didnt ask her out?” You ask quietly.

His smile falls and he slowly lets his hands slide down to your waist. “It's just…” he sighs.

“Come on Buck. What is it?”

“You're gonna laugh,” he half jokes.

You shake your head. “I promise that I want… at least I’ll try not to.”

“I haven't exactly asked a girl out in over 70 years,” he admits.

Rolling your eyes you sigh. “Well obviously. I’d be more surprised if you had.”

He hangs his head and rubs the back of his neck, dropping his hands off of you. “I sort of forgot how to ask someone out on a date. And datings changed to much as it is… I wouldnt know how to even really approach a dame from this era.”

You bite your lip to keep from laughing and put a hand on his shoulders. “Buck, why didn't you just tell any of the girls here? They all would have loved to try and help,” you tell him, voice a bit strained from the effort you were using to keep from laughing.

A blush stretches across his cheeks. “After all the stories I’m sure that Steve has told everyone I didn't want to disappoint by admitting that I forgot how to go on a date.”

His blue eyes look up into your (E/C) ones pleadingly.

You give him a small smile and shake your head. “I’d help you Buck, really I would, but I’m about as clueless as you are. It's not like I’m going on dates every week. You need more professional help than I can offer.”

“Who do you suggest then?”

“You're not gonna like my answer.”

He gives you a level look, pressing you to answer.

“Sam, you stop him before he even has time to complain. “He's one of the most charming, charismatic guys we've got that's not Tony. I think he'd honestly be our best bet.”

“He's gonna laugh at me,” Bucky deadpans.

You chuck and nod. “Yeah, probably. But hey, this time I’ll let you punch him,” you bribe.

Bucky can't help but smile at that, reluctantly nodding. “Alright. Guess it's time we go find Bird Boy.”

“I know exactly where he is,” you smirk.

Tag List: @buckybarnesxoxo

#bucky #Bucky barnes #x reader #Bucky x reader #Bucky Barnes x reader #james x reader #james barnes x reader #marvel #marvel x reader #anon #request #bucky request #bucky barnes request #x reader request #bucky x reader request #bucky barnes x reader request #james x reader request #james barnes x reader request

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zephfair · 6 years

Text

Day? Reincarnation AU Grimmichi

Day 30 (but only 28 for me) Reincarnation AU

Thank you @murderlight for the refreshing chat and the encouragement. It means so much! (Unfortunately I didn’t have any dreams about bubblegum ;D)

WARNING: Angst. Before reincarnation, there must come death. Yeah. The one and only time I’ll write Major Character Deaths.

The lovers are born. When one lover finds the other, their tale is already foretold. They live, they love, their lives end, and because they love each other more than heavenly reward, they return over and over again, cycling through the rhythm: finding each other, loving, then forced to move on.

Sometimes they live long, fulfilled lives in each others’ arms. Sometimes they drift back and forth in each others’ periphery but always orbiting each other. Sometimes they burn like a wildfire frenzied, out of control; sometimes they simmer, roiling in a constant boil.

The man who in one such lifetime was called Ichigo didn’t know any of this. The living are only aware of the life lived at the moment, what they see and feel and touch. A few may have vague remembrances, a shadowy memory resonating through the ages, but none can remember all their past lives.

Ichigo doesn’t know that. He has no idea that he is brought back to the world of the living time and again. He can’t recall that in each lifetime there are blue eyes that bore into him and demand everything he has to give.

And Ichigo always gives in.

No matter what era they live in, no matter where they meet, they are brought back time and again, somehow always finding one another, drawn to each other like the tide to the shore.

Sometimes it’s on the battlefield. Sometimes it’s in a boardroom. More and more it’s in a bedroom.

Ichigo doesn’t know why they are destined to fight, why they are destined to love, and would never want to know that one’s ultimate fate is to die by the other’s hand.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ichigo laughed as Grimmjow insisted on putting on his own playlist since he was driving. Even after living with his boyfriend for years, he still mocked Grimmjow’s taste in music and made a show of plugging his ears.

But Ichigo couldn’t call him boyfriend anymore. He glanced at Grimmjow out of the corner of his eye and saw Grimmjow had the same gormless smile on his face that Ichigo probably did. It certainly wasn’t the biting smirk that Grimmjow usually showed, or the wide evil grin he used when issuing a challenge.

Ichigo looked out the passenger’s side window as the landscape sped by, but he inched his hand over the gearshift and onto Grimmjow’s thigh. Grimmjow immediately trapped it under his own and squeezed.

“Not having second thoughts, are you?” Grimmjow asked, uncharacteristically sounding a little nervous.

Ichigo scoffed and turned to look at him. “No way. Not right now. Maybe I’ll have cold feet the day of the wedding, but I’m going to enjoy the hell out of the engagement.”

Grimmjow kept his eyes on the road but laced his fingers through Ichigo’s. “You’re not going to turn into some kind of psycho wedding planner are you?”

“Nah, neither one of us want that, do we? I’m just looking forward to the engagement party. The private one, tonight when we get home,” Ichigo lowered his voice and Grimmjow risked a look at him. Yep, his smile was definitely full-on happy which was a little unnerving on Grimmjow’s face. It was a goofy look Ichigo could definitely get used to.

“That’s the kind of celebration I want,” Grimmjow agreed. “You should’ve seen your face when I got down on one knee.”

“I don’t even remember what you said. I was so shocked.”

“Yeah, good thing your sisters got everything on video. It’s all kind of a blur.”

“It’s all been a blur, ever since I saw you that day in the gym and beat the crap out of you.”

“Excuse you,” Grimmjow said as he changed lanes to take the exit off the highway to their apartment. “I kicked the shit out of you. Never would’ve known you’re a black belt.”

“Ha. Ha,” Ichigo replied as he usually did to Grimmjow’s claims about his so-called superior fighting abilities. “You know I can kick your sorry ass any day of the week. It’s one of the many things I love about you.”

“Your ass is one of the many things I love about you, too,” Grimmjow smirked as they glided down the exit ramp toward the intersection.

“I just can’t believe we’re getting married. I never thought I’d find someone who … completes me,” Ichigo struggled to finish his thought without sounding cheesy.

Grimmjow just brought their entwined fingers up to his lips as they stopped at the red light. “I feel the same way,” his voice gruffer than usual. “I never dreamed I’d find someone who made me feel this way.”

Ichigo turned a little to smile at him and reassure him. “I feel like we were meant to be together forever.”

Neither one saw the tractor-trailer speeding toward their car, trying to race the yellow light. Neither heard the crash as the metal of their car was crushed and trapped underneath the truck.

Grimmjow was killed immediately. Ichigo suffered major injuries and had to be cut from the wreckage. He was pronounced dead an hour later at the hospital without ever regaining consciousness.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Grimmjow awoke with only one thought: he knew his name was Grimmjow. He didn’t know where he was, or how he’d come to be there, or why he was wearing a short, belted robe and holding a piece of paper.

After stumbling into the nearest building, a kindly woman sat him down and offered him water to drink. Grimmjow was very confused because he couldn’t remember anything, and yet he obviously remembered how to speak, and the language they shared, and he knew his body was thirsty.

He settled into a routine that came to feel familiar and somehow comforting. The woman, Mari, lived with an older man and two children who all said they weren’t related yet helped each other survive. The West Rukongai District 5 wasn’t nearly as rough as many were, but it still took Grimmjow a while to figure out what he needed to do and what was expected of him.

The first time he went to Mari and asked about food, she told him that he wouldn’t feel hunger and didn’t need to eat. But, Grimmjow’s belly growled and he finally went to her again and begged for food.

He didn’t understand why she looked worried then sad, but she promised she would find him something to eat. When she returned to the house with some bread hidden in her robes, she made him eat it inside and promise never to tell anyone else that he hungered.

Grimmjow didn’t understand it, but he agreed as long as she would keep providing for him. He did odd jobs, whatever was needed around their neighborhood in the district, and sometimes even took a turn watching the kids.

Grimmjow had no concept of time until one day he was at the market helping Mari set up shop selling the trinkets she made. There was a commotion down the street, and Grimmjow looked up in alarm as the shouts came closer.

He stepped out from behind the stall just as two young men ran toward him wearing sashes that marked them as part of the gang that enforced the district. Grimmjow hated the gang that terrorized and reigned by fear, but Mari had forbidden him from doing anything, saying he hadn’t been there long enough to understand it was just how things worked.

So when someone from behind the gang members yelled at them to stop because they were murderers, Grimmjow didn’t hesitate.

He whipped out his long arm to neatly clothes-line the first gang member who was running by. The man went down with a long wheeze. The second man skidded to a stop and yelled, “Get out of the way!”

“I don’t think so, asshole,” Grimmjow cracked his knuckles and made a come-at-me gesture.

The gang member drew a knife and slashed at him. Grimmjow elegantly dodged to the side and brought his fist down on the guy’s arm, dislodging the knife, as Grimmjow followed through with a solid blow to the man’s face.

He went down on top of his buddy. Grimmjow dusted off his hands just as three men in black robes panted to a stop.

“You stopped them,” the first man in black gasped out.

“You’re welcome,” Grimmjow said, turning back to the stall where Mari gaped in astonishment.

“How’d you do that? The one had a good bit of spiritual pressure,” another man in black asked him.

Grimmjow shrugged. “Don’t know. I just don’t like the way these asshole gangs threaten all the villagers. Who’re you to care anyway?”

“We’re members of the 13 Court Guard Squads, Squad Six,” the first man said proudly.

“Okay,” Grimmjow didn’t know and didn’t care.

“Don’t you understand who we are?” the third man spoke for the first time. Grimmjow noticed he wore a patch on his robes that the other two didn’t. And although all three were wearing swords, only this one seemed comfortable with the scabbard against his hip.

“No, I don’t give a shit. You said these two were murderers, and I don’t want that running around my district,” Grimmjow said simply.

“Haven’t you met a Shinigami before?” the man with patch said, stepping closer to Grimmjow who shifted almost imperceptibly to keep himself balanced in case he had to strike. The man noticed and looked interested.

Grimmjow suddenly felt something flutter against him, like a gust of displaced air from someone opening a door across the room. It didn’t do anything but flicker over him, but behind him, he heard Mari gasp. He turned in time to see her collapse.

When he took a step toward her, the man grabbed his arm. Grimmjow looked down at the restraint then up at the man and unleashed a vicious punch from close range. The man fell back and let go so Grimmjow moved to Mari.

“She’s fine,” the man said as he rubbed his chin. “It’s just my spiritual pressure. It typically overpowers people when I let it flare, but you, you didn’t even flinch.”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, but you’d better get out of here if you’re going to keep hurting my friends,” Grimmjow told him.

The man squatted down beside him. “How long have you been in Rukongai? Did you grow up here?”

“No. I have no idea. I don’t think it’s been long.”

“Interesting,” the man said then surprised him by asking, “Are you hungry?”

Grimmjow snorted as he tried to make Mari more comfortable. “I’m always hungry,” he answered without thinking.

“I think you should come with me,” the man said then fell back on his ass when Grimmjow glared at him.

“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

Mari moaned and her eyelids flickered, taking Grimmjow’s attention from the man.

The man shook his head and said, “You would do well at the academy. You won’t make it very long here with that kind of hunger. Think about it.”

Grimmjow sat holding Mari until the three men rousted the two on the ground and pulled-pushed them away. He watched until they were gone and the market got back to normal when Mari sighed. “I think there’s some things you need to know,” she said softly.

When they went back to the house that evening, she took him aside and explained about Shinigami and what she knew of them, their spiritual pressure and the academy. She said that only those with large amounts of spiritual pressure ever grew hungry, and she’d worried about Grimmjow ever since he’d told her.

“I’m not leaving,” he said stubbornly when she was done.

“I don’t think you’re going to have a choice,” she said gently. “They could send someone for you at any time. It would be better if you go to them yourself.”

Grimmjow argued and ignored her and stubbornly pretended that the hunger wasn’t slowly consuming him. It wasn’t until one morning when he fell over trying to get off his futon and didn’t have the strength to get back up.

Mari brought him some dried fruit and petted his head while he almost inhaled it. “Grimmjow, be smart. Things will be so much better for you, if you go to the Shinigami.”

“I don’t need anyone telling me what to do,” he tried to snap between chewing. “Not you, and not them.”

Only the thought stayed with him, and when he was starving again by midday, he began to reluctantly agree with Mari. He worried what might happen if the Shinigami came looking for him, and he didn’t want to be a burden to the little family any longer.

Mari only hugged him when he declared his intentions and he left without further ado.

Grimmjow didn’t know what he was expecting but the Shinigami Academy wasn’t it. It took him a while to get anyone to talk to him, and it wasn’t until he grew very angry and let his temper out in a roar that anyone important paid attention.

Then he was bundled into offices and talked to by excited personnel and before he knew it, was given a bed in the dorms, a carefully folded uniform, and the promise of all the food he could eat.

Grimmjow didn’t remember anything before waking up in the Rukongai, but it felt like everything was a strange dream before the academy. The book learning was dry and boring at times, but the lectures were good times to catch up on naps. He burned himself and the hapless students standing too close numerous times during kido training. But he quickly excelled in all the strength training, and several times, high-ranking Shinigami were brought in to watch him and judge his spiritual pressure.

His time at the academy was interesting overall, but in some ways it gave Grimmjow a little itch under his skin. Once he learned about the world of the living and the literal role of the Soul Reapers, his mind often went to it. He began to wonder about it, in the still moments late at night when he was sneaking back to his room after finding an extra snack.

What was his past in the world of the living? Who had he been as a human? He’d arrived in Rukongai young, vital and very strong. So what had happened to him? Had he left anyone behind? He’d shown up in Rukongai alone, but from what he learned, that didn’t mean he’d died by himself.

And there was the problem of the women. And more than a few men. Somehow Grimmjow had known what sex was, even though he didn’t know what sex was, it was like knowing how to speak when he’d first arrived in Soul Society.

But when other students and even a handful of Shinigami flirted with him or blatantly asked him if he wanted to meet them somewhere alone, Grimmjow wasn’t interested. He finally tried it out once with a female student, but although it left her grinning wildly, worn out and thoroughly satiated, Grimmjow knew there was something missing.

So he tried again with a male Shinigami, an unseated member of the Fourth Division, and it was just as unsatisfying. His body felt fine and had enjoyed the encounter, but Grimmjow’s itch grew stronger, and he felt like he was missing something important, something that he couldn’t ever name.

It wasn’t a surprise to anyone in his class when several divisions courted Grimmjow even before graduation. Everyone knew of his immense spiritual pressure and how he’d bonded so quickly after he’d received his zanpakuto. While others struggled to even hear its name, his Pantera came easily, naturally, like a second skin, a long-lost best friend.

Grimmjow was ready for their final test—their first visit to the world of the living. He was as eager and twitchy as the rest of the class who would finally get to go face-to-face with a real Hollow. As much as some wanted to perform konso, Grimmjow just really looked forward to a potential fight.

He and two classmates were sent to find a particular ghost that haunted a hospital. The spirit seemed strong and smart and had so far resisted all attempts at konso. But its spirit continuously attracted Hollows which then wrecked havoc in the area.

Grimmjow hoped to hell it resisted or that some of the hungry Hollows showed up.

So they phased through the walls of the bustling hospital and went on the search. They weren’t supposed to split up, but Grimmjow slipped away, prowling along the halls and nosing curiously into various exam rooms.

He ended up in the emergency department, in the trauma unit where he could literally feel the stress and tension oozing from patients and staff alike. Grimmjow stood for a while watching the doctors and nurses hustling to save human lives.

Then he felt a strange sensation on the back of his neck, and he turned slowly. Down another hallway stood a young man with bright orange hair. He appeared to be stopping at the doors and searching in each room for something.

He would have looked just like another frantic family member or loved one, if Grimmjow hadn’t seen the severed Chain of Fate that looked dangerously short and frayed in his chest.

Grimmjow strode toward him, thumbing Pantera out of the scabbard. “Hey, you lookin’ for someone?” he called out when he was only a few steps behind the spirit.

The spirit whirled and gasped, “Grimmjow?! Grimmjow, it is you! Finally!”

The force of the spirit’s energy hit him and he rocked back on his heels, stunned as much by it calling his name as its strength.

“What the hell? How the fuck do you know me?”

“That’s not funny, Grimm. I’ve been waiting for you forever!” The spirit grabbed his shoulders in strong hands and tilted its head up to stare deeply into Grimmjow’s eyes. Then the spirit frowned at what it saw, and Grimmjow roughly pushed it away.

“Are you hurt?” the spirit tried to touch him again, but Grimmjow batted its hands down. “Oh my god, do you have amnesia? It’s me, Ichigo!”

“I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I sure don’t know you,” Grimmjow pushed Ichigo so hard he went through the nearest wall.

He was right back in Grimmjow’s face in an instant. “What’s wrong with you, Grimm? It’s me, your boyfriend! We got separated after the crash, but I’ve been waiting for you. I’m not going anywhere without you!”

“Then I got some good news for you,” Grimmjow unsheathed Pantera. “Let’s get this konso over with.”

“Oh fuck, you’re one of them now?!” Ichigo shouted and took off. Grimmjow was caught flat-footed for an instant then raced after it.

“Get back here and let me send you to your rest!” Grimmjow slammed through two walls and darted up the stairwell.

“I’m not leaving without you, you stupid bastard! Do you have any idea what I’ve gone through, staying here? Missing you?” Ichigo ended up on the roof, Grimmjow close behind.

Grimmjow wasn’t expecting the spirit to know hand-to-hand, so he was surprised again when it came at him with a loud cry. They fought and wrestled their way across the roof, but neither one would give in.

Not even the arrival of the two other students, breathless and pale, could stop them. Grimmjow thought he had the upper hand when he finally rolled on top of Ichigo and pinned his arms at his sides.

“Grimmjow, why?” he choked through tears as they streamed down his face. “Why’d you leave me? Why didn’t you come back? Why are you doing this? I love you!”

“It’s my job,” Grimmjow said, struggling to hold him down and retrieve Pantera from where it had fallen. “And I have no idea what you’re talking about. I don’t know who you are.”

There was a long moment when Grimmjow looked down at the pain-filled eyes gazing up into his very soul and thought he felt something. But maybe it was just the spirit vibrating under him, its energy fluctuating wildly. Its body shook and it screamed.

The force of the spirit’s roar pushed Grimmjow off it, and he could clearly see the Chain of Fate, or what was left of it. It completely disappeared under his horrified gaze, and the spirit shrieked even louder.

“Oh shit,” Grimmjow whispered and grabbed for Pantera.

But it was too late. The Chain was gone, and as the three Shinigami watched, a hole opened in the spirit’s chest where the chain had been attached.

“It’s turning into a Hollow!” one of his teammates yelled from behind him.

“And there are more on the way, Grimmjow! That’s what we came to tell you! Your fight with the spirit attracted every Hollow in the area!” the other classmate shouted over the din.

Grimmjow was still watching the spirit—Ichigo, it had called itself. A mask suddenly formed and covered its head. It was still roaring and shaking as its body mutated and contorted into a writhing monster.

Answering shrieks were sounding over them as more and more Hollows appeared in the skies above. Grimmjow was vaguely aware of his teammates grabbing and pulling at him, but he could only stand and watch.

As the Hollows descended upon the newly formed one—Ichigo, he had said?—it shot up into the air, taking the battle to the sky.

Grimmjow watched in stunned silence as the newest monster—Ichigo, why did that sound familiar?—swept through the Hollows, slicing into them with claws and biting them with fangs. It looked like he was devouring the Hollows one by one until they were all gone.

Then with bloodied mask and a shock of orange hair above, the Hollow—Ichigo, he was Ichigo, Grimmjow couldn’t forget it again—looked down at the Shinigami who stared back. While his shaking classmates drew their zanpakuto and prepared for battle, Grimmjow just looked up at Ichigo and didn’t move.

With a final cry that sounded a lot like a distortion of Grimmjow’s name, the Hollow ripped a hole into the sky, darker than even the moonless night, and disappeared through it.

Grimmjow finally moved, sinking to his knees and dropping Pantera. He slumped on hands and knees and panted like he’d just fought the entire horde of Hollows himself and retched.

“What was that? What happened?” one of his teammates was babbling.

“It just turned into a Hollow! Right here! And then it ate all those other ones!”

“Well, where did it go? It’s not still here, is it?” the boy spun in a tight circle.

“It sounded like it knew you,” the other said to Grimmjow.

“I don’t know what the fuck is going on,” Grimmjow said as he wiped at his mouth.

“I think we need to get back to the rendezvous point,” she said, pulling at Grimmjow until he got to his feet, weaving like he was drunk.

They didn’t speak of it until the seated officers who had accompanied the group came down on them, demanding to know what had happened to draw the attention of all the Hollows.

Grimmjow sat silently through the debriefing and didn’t even care when his teammates pointed at him suspiciously and talked about the new Hollow knowing him.

“Is it true? Did you know the spirit?” the officer asked him directly.

“No,” Grimmjow said and refused to say anything else.

His classmates were enraged with him because they had to cut short the trip and return to Soul Society. His two teammates were livid until they found out they wouldn’t fail the mission because of Grimmjow’s disobedience.

He didn’t even suffer any consequences because he was already committed to joining the Eleventh Division, and they weren’t about to turn down such a powerful fighter just because he’d disobeyed some orders from superiors. If anything, his stock only rose.

But amidst the congratulations of graduation and the excitement of joining the Thirteen Court Guard Squads, Grimmjow couldn’t feel any joy. The memories of that night haunted him. He recalled every word that the spirit— that Ichigo had said to him and replayed it over and over. He sat alone by the dorm window late at night and looked out, wondering why his eyes overflowed whenever he thought of Ichigo’s face and eyes and smile.

As Grimmjow grew used to life in the Eleventh Division, the fighting and camaraderie helped renew his mood. He found that he fit in well, even though the top seats were filled with unmovable officers. Still, the entire division appreciated his strength and his willingness to fight anyone anywhere.

He didn’t even seek out the frequent offers of companionship but declined them to go to his quarters alone and think about Ichigo and where exactly a Hollow could disappear to.

He kept an ear out for missions to the world of living, just in case, but the Eleventh wasn’t usually to be trusted with them.

Grimmjow was working his way up through the ranks when Captain Aizen of the Fifth Division defected from Soul Society along with Captain Ichimaru and Captain Tousen. Grimmjow didn’t much care about any of the politics, and he didn’t listen to rumors about Aizen making super-strong Hollows called Arrancars. He figured he’d just answer the call when it came to fight and damn the consequences.

When that day finally came, he was ready. Grimmjow was stationed to help guard a city in Japan called Karakura that Aizen wanted to destroy. Grimmjow didn’t bother to learn the details, just crowded through the Senkaimon with the highest ranked officers of the Eleventh.

From there on, it was pandemonium.

Grimmjow soon lost track of the other Shinigami as a white humanoid figure with a bone helmet lunged at him. He fought back with a fierce shout.

The Arrancars proved stronger than the Shinigami thought, but throughout the chaos of battle on every side, the Shinigami slowly began to prevail.

Grimmjow finally cut down the Arrancar who had been attacking him, and he stood, roaring above him. A noise from behind him made him jump and turn.

There stood another Arrancar, nearly as tall as Grimmjow, all broad-shoulders and rippled muscle in his white hakama and open jacket. His bright orange hair was long and nearly covered a quarter of a mask still on his jaw, white with vivid red stripes.

Grimmjow went cold all over.

“It’s you. Ichigo,” he whispered, and the Arrancar’s black and gold eyes narrowed.

“Grimmjow,” he said.

“Why are you doing this? Why are you fighting for Aizen?” Grimmjow took a firmer grasp on Pantera.

“Does it matter? You abandoned me. Why should you care?”

“I didn’t abandon you,” Grimmjow argued. “I died!”

“So did I,” Ichigo reminded him. “But I waited for you. I couldn’t leave without you.”

“I didn’t have a choice. I don’t even remember what happened, I just woke up in Soul Society!”

Ichigo stepped closer. “That means that you died satisfied, that you were happy to go on. And to leave me.”

“I don’t know,” Grimmjow said. “I don’t remember anything. But I know I would have to be a fool to ever leave you willingly.”

Ichigo flickered out of sight and reappeared an inch from Grimmjow. “Then never leave me again,” he said and stabbed his hand through Grimmjow’s gut. “I’ll make you remember. We were meant to be together. Forever.”

Grimmjow gasped at the unbearable pain but brought Pantera up and sliced at Ichigo’s chest. It only left a shallow wound but was enough to make Ichigo release him.

“I don’t know that,” Grimmjow struggled to speak as he clutched at the wound. “But killing me isn’t going to help. My soul will just return to the world of the living.”

Ichigo burst into motion, but this time Grimmjow got Pantera up in time to block and the battle began for real. Grimmjow had to admire the way Ichigo fought, and they moved as if in a dance, one pushing forward, one retreating, both seemingly equal in strength and agility.

Grimmjow couldn’t care about the greater war around them; everything he had was focused on Ichigo.

An explosion in the distance didn’t draw their attention any more than the other fights going on nearby. For every strike Ichigo gave, Grimmjow returned two-fold. When Grimmjow pushed him back, Ichigo struck again.

When they locked swords and Ichigo leaned in, Grimmjow found himself leaning forward toward him. Ichigo’s lips were as warm and welcoming as any Shinigami’s, but they felt so much better. Grimmjow didn’t relax his guard but Ichigo’s weight was pushing him until his back hit a wall.

Ichigo broke the kiss to brokenly gasp, “I would’ve done anything for you. I wanted to protect you. I didn’t want you to be alone.”

“I wish I remembered you,” Grimmjow whispered against his lips. “I wish I could know you.”

“I waited for you,” Ichigo’s eyes were tearing up. “I only ever wanted you.”

“I never wanted anyone,” Grimmjow confessed. “I think maybe I was waiting for you.”

Ichigo took his mouth in a fierce kiss again, and Grimmjow felt the sword against his begin to drop. He didn’t let down his guard, but he did reach out with his free hand to touch Ichigo’s face, stroking long fingers down the mask.

“Let’s do this,” Ichigo said suddenly and pushed back from Grimmjow. Ichigo dropped his sword, and Grimmjow hated that his first thought was worrying what scheme he had in mind now.

But Ichigo just stood there, opening his jacket wide, then letting his arms fall loose at his sides.

“What are you doing?” Grimmjow asked, struggling to keep up.

“If you kill me, I’ll fade away. But the souls that I’ve eaten and merged with, we’ll all separate and be purified, right?”

“I, I don’t know,” Grimmjow admitted. “Ichigo, I can’t take that chance.”

“You have to,” Ichigo said firmly. “You may not remember, but you always tried your best to kick my ass in life. Now I’m giving you the chance to do it once and for all.”

“I don’t need charity,” Grimmjow snapped and then wondered where the outburst came from.

Ichigo just smiled sadly. “I can’t wait anymore, Grimmjow.”

“You really want to be together forever?’ Grimmjow asked in wonder.

“Yes,” Ichigo said firmly. “I always did.”

“Then promise you’ll find me this time?” Grimmjow said quietly.

As Ichigo’s tears began to fall, Grimmjow stepped up to him and kissed him. He felt something that had been missing for as long as his memories come rushing back.

“Ichigo,” he breathed out.

“Never leave me again,” Ichigo begged.

“This is the last time,” Grimmjow vowed, brought Pantera up and stabbed him in the heart. Then he dropped his zanpakuto and held Ichigo as he slowly faded and crumbled away.

If every great love is forever in every life in every form, then Ichigo’s soul goes freely to Soul Society where Grimmjow razes every district until he finds him again.

If every great love is forever, then the cycle is halted there in Soul Society where they can fight and live and love for a thousand mortal lifetimes until the wheel turns again.

And so they love forever.

***AUTHOR(ha) NOTE: I actually wrote a couple things that I don’t believe possible within canon but hey, artistic license and whatnot.

The biggest thing that bothers me is the belief that an Arrancar would remember who it was as a human. I believe that according to canon rules that would be impossible. The original Hollow has to be changed, integrated, eaten and merged so many times with so many other Hollows that I don’t believe the Arrancar looks or acts anything like one individual Hollow or human. I think they’re all amalgamations that a dominant personality eventually surfaces on and takes over the speaking role. So I don’t believe that there was ever a human Grimmjow out there; he’s just the sum total of a whole bunch of humans+Hollows.

And then I promptly went against my firm belief and pet peeve and used the same exact plot device with Ichigo. But hey, he’s super-strong so let’s just pretend he was able to keep his memories and eat all those nourishing Hollows to evolve himself, okay?

Sorry for all the Jesuitical reasoning on things. As much as I despair over a lot of things in canon, I still stand by it.

#my fic #my 30 days #grimmichi #bleach fic #only 2 more to go!#bookmarking this because it's the only time i write true angst

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kmalexander · 3 years

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Gleam Upon the Soundtrack

In the past, I’ve released my book playlists before the launch of the book. These tend to be inspiration playlists, not the music I find myself writing to. (If you’re interested in a “writing playlist,” let me know in the comments! I’d be happy to assemble something. There’s very much a “type” of music I listen to when writing a Bell Forging Cycle book.) Since Gleam Upon the Waves has been out for a little over a week, I thought I’d go a step further and not only share the playlist but give a few details, why I chose particular songs, and how I felt they reflected (and inspired) aspects of the story.

First, the playlist! Jam out, roaders.

Not a Spotify fan? The playlist is also over on YouTube.

SPOILER WARNING

The following details will contain Gleam Upon the Waves spoilers. So, if you’re still reading, I’d recommend avoiding the rest of this post until after you finished the book. For the rest of you, let’s head deeper into the playlist.

Prologue

Sons and Daughters – American Spirit

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Sleep now child beneath The heavy current Dragging you along

This was the song that inspired this book. Something about life dragging you through the wringer without caring about your desires or plans cemented itself inside my head (even well before 2020.)

Chapter 1 & 2

Baltimore Blues No. 1 – Deer Tick

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Can you hear the sound of the crawling flesh Now can you smell the burning desire This place is too small to hide All the ghosts that’s kicking around inside

There’s something gritty to this Deer Tick song. I felt it was a nice pairing to Wal putting on airs and wearing suits—despite his intentions, he can’t hide who he is. His problems will not disappear. Lovat devours.

Chapter 3

Gates of Dawn – Heartless Bastards

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I have awoken The footsteps sound of thunder

While this tune more positive than Wal’s experience, I thought opening a new reality deserved a song that had a similar impact. I’m also a sucker for Erika Wennerstrom’s vocals. (Probably why Heartless Bastards make an appearance a little later.)

Chapter 1-3

How Deep Is The Ocean – Miles Davis

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Like I wouldn’t include this in an ocean-themed playlist.

Chapter 4

bury a friend – Billie Eilish

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Why aren’t you scared of me? Why do you care for me? When we all fall asleep, where do we go?

I had this chapter in my head since Red Little World. I also read it for Dead Drop Live last week. I loved the idea of Ashton being this ghost that haunts Wal—an echo of his past. One he weirdly cares about despite understanding that he’s an enemy. Eilish’s pop-minimalism just felt right for a decoupled avatar whom you may or may not want dead.

Chapter 5

Wild and Wasted Waters – Kill It Kid

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Wild and wasted waters Have come to carry me on

For something so deadly, humans have an odd fascination with water. Also, this song fits with Wal being entirely out of his element. It’s helped by the Alan Lomax sample that works too well as an undercurrent for the story happening to Wal.

Chapter 6 & 7

Blood on your Bootheel – Caroline Rose

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Think if you act like a man, you can alter this wheel; You can make it in this world without that blood on your bootheels

“Altering the wheel” is something Wal has attempting for a while (since Old Broken Road, if we’re honest,) but he can’t change his destiny. He can kick against the goads as much as he wants, but fate will drag him along whether he wants it or not.

Chapter 8

‘Round Midnight – Thelonious Monk

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No lyrics, but man what a song. (If you haven’t noticed, any of the jazz numbers I call out in the books end up in my playlists.)

Chapter 9 & 10

Glitter & Gold – Barns Courtney

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Do you ponder the manner of things In the dark The dark, the dark, the dark

Wal’s damn lucky for a guy that can’t escape his reality, eh? There’s also an element of foreshowing here. With the cult’s interest Wal can’t escape his past just like he can’t escape fate.

Chapter 11

Lovecraft in Brooklyn – The Mountains Goats

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Someday something’s coming From way out beyond the stars To kill us while we stand here It’ll store our brains in mason jars

If you’ve read the last three books, it should be obvious why I included this one. Also, John Darnielle is a national treasure and should be protected at all costs.

Chapter 12, 13, & 14

Sirens – Lola Marsh

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In a million years It’ll all be over Within a million years It’ll all be over

Yael Shoshana Cohen’s voice is incredible. There is a vastness in this song that matched the tone of the Wasteland. It also deals with time on an epic scale, and that’s something I appreciated—it’s cosmicy without being overt.

Chapter 15

Postcards From Hell – The Wood Brothers

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I got a soul that I won’t sell And I don’t read postcards from hell

I hope you caught how Gleam Upon the Waves reflects the other stories up until this point. Wal waking in a hospital and pushing himself out of bed is awfully familiar. Despite what he’s faced with, Wal tends not to stop. He’s relentless. Tell him things are bad, and he keeps going. His tenacity is admirable, if not a bit foolish.

Chapter 16 & 17

Wicked Waters – Benjamin Booker

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This must be where I lose it all, darling Throw myself into wicked waters

Again, water. Maybe our pal acted a bit too rashly?

Chapter 18

Ding Ding Dong – Waipod Petchsuphan

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For all its familiarity, Empress is a foreign place, and Wal is a stranger. This poppy Thai luk thung track from ’76 sparked similar emotions for me. It’s familiar, borrowing from common themes, but at the same time it’s different from other music of the era. It’s also a bop.

Chapter 19

Hello, Darling – Conway Twitty

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Hello darlin’, nice to see you, it’s been a long time

Should be fairly obvious.

Chapter 20

Figure It Out – Royal Blood

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Nothing better to do When I’m stuck on you And still I’m here Trying to figure it out

This is a fairly big reveal, and while the theme of the song is related to Wal’s relationship with Essie, it’s even more complicated. “Figuring it out” is kinda a thing here, see?

Chapter 21, 22, & 23

You Want it Darker – Leonard Cohen

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There’s a lullaby for suffering And a paradox to blame But it’s written in the scriptures And it’s not some idle claim You want it darker We kill the flame

Cohen’s last album deals with death and loss, there’s a heaviness to it, and it felt fitting for this section of the book.

Chapter 24, 25, 26

Mean Old World – Big Bill Broonzy

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This is a mean old world to live in, I’m just travelin’ through It’s a mean old world to live in, I’m just travelin’ through Yes, sometime I get so blue, that I don’t know what to do

Another one that should be obvious. Poor Wal. Who’s the jerk that subjects him to this?

Chapter 27 & 28

Madness – Ruelle

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Nowhere to run from all of this havoc Nowhere to hide From all of this madness, madness, madness

Eventually, you can only experience so much before it all just begins to break down.

Chapter 29 & 30

Sway – Heartless Bastards

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So, I stumble and I sway into the room and I fade I hope my darkest day are behind me I want to stay here in the sun for a while I hope my darkest days are behind me

There’s a spark of hope here, and I feel like there’s a spark of hope in these chapters as well. Yes, two Heartless Bastard songs in this playlist. You’re going to have to deal.

Chapter 31

Remains – Algiers

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While the captors boast On how they lower your costs The rich men gamble At the foot of the cross

When you make a decision, you need to be ready to deal with the outcome.

Chapter 32

Revival – Soulsavers

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Why am I so blind With my eyes wide open, oh? Trying to get my hands Clean in dirty water

A song about people doing something they feel is right even though reality clashes with that desire, and somehow, at their core, they know it. If that doesn’t fit the Deeperists, I don’t know what would.

Chapter 33 & 34

The Church Bell’s Moan – Bror Gunnar Jansson

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Don’t you hear them?

Ring the bell and eventually they’ll come.

Chapter 35 & 36

Get Loud for Me – Gizzle

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I see my goal and get cold as December when Counting our sins, I don’t have no friends I came here to win, my start is your end Now let it begin now

FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. Also, this is such a great reflection of the previous song that I had to include it.

Chapter 37 & 38

The End – Kings of Leon

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This could be the end This could be the end This could be the end This could be the end ‘Cause I ain’t got a home

A song about change and facing that change. Felt like a fitting end to this playlist.

Chapter 37 & 38… again

I See A Darkness – Johnny Cash & Bonnie “Prince” Billy

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And did you know how much I love you Is a hope that somehow you you Can save me from this darkness?

Wait, never mind. This is even more fitting.

Chapter 37 & 38… for real this time

The Parting Glass – Hozier

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Of all the comrades that ere I had, they’re sorry for my going away, And of all the sweethearts that ere I had, they wish me one more day to stay, But since it falls unto my lot that I should rise while you should not, I will gently rise and I’ll softly call, “Goodnight and joy be with you all!”

No… this one.

So, that’s Gleam Upon the Soundtrack, a Gleam Upon the Waves playlist! I hope everyone enjoyed a glimpse into my musical inspirations. It’s really fun to assemble these things and reflect on why particular songs spoke to me over another. I totally understand why other authors do it as well. This isn’t the only playlist I’ve made for my novels, you can check out the other ones here.

Once again, thanks to everyone for picking up Gleam Upon the Waves. I’m really proud of it, and I hope you enjoyed your time back in the Territories. If you haven’t nabbed your copies yet, you can do so from any of the links below.

Buy the paperback:

Amazon – Barnes & Noble

Buy the eBook:

Kindle – Kobo – Nook – Apple Books – GooglePlay

Finally, if you’ve finished Gleam, please leave an honest review, and if you liked it, tell your friends! Thank you for making Gleam Upon the Waves one of the books you chose to read this year. Time is finite and it’s an honor you decided to spend some of yours with my book.

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