#it’s delightfully arbitrary

[justkindaoverhereobsessing]

I may have gotten Josh’s tattoo, too. 😅😂❤️

[ID: Five screencaps from Taskmaster. Josh Widdicombe says, “I thought you’d worry that I’d forget you after this, so… I’ve got a tattoo.” He shows a photo of his bare foot with “GREG” tattooed on it, and the audience gasps and laughs. Greg Davies is astonished, laughing and covering his face with both hands as the audience cheers and applauds. End ID.]

[muffinlance]

State of the Muffin Report 2024-25

Happy birthday to my fanfics! As of March 3rd, 2025, I have been writing AtLA fics for SIX YEARS. Little Zuko v the World is in elementary school. WHAT.

Behold, last year’s stats!

[id: Screenshot of a spreadsheet showing my 2024-25 word counts. Important info is that over six stories, I wrote 107k words, for a monthly average of 8.9k and a daily average of 297 words. End id.]

Fanfic:

Thanks to last year’s Fandom Trumps Hate donator, I speedran Case 1 of Dark Night in Ba Sing Se, woo! (Much like Zuko speedran his trip to the library.) (And Ryo Cho Jyo speedran his retirement to desk duty.)

Also finished Scaled Over, double woo!

Honestly that’s way more words than it felt like I wrote, and a slight increase from last year, so YAY WRITING MATH.

Serious Face Writing & RL:

Li’s Friends has now raised $4,335.71 USD for wildlife charity, not counting gift matches. <3

Firstborn can recognize electromagnets and is making flying buttresses with magnet tiles. Secondborn’s hobbies include weight lifting, FASHION, and horking down pea pods and cherry tomatoes from our winter garden as fast as I can grow them.

Goals for the Coming Year:

Fanfic:

Sure looks like Fandom Trumps Hate is supporting the third part of Kindling this year, woo!

Finish the current book of Towards the Sun. We’re currently on the final field trip, so that should be very doable. —I say, using the exact same wording for the fourth year in a row. BUT HOLY CRAP YOU GUYS I JUST CHECKED AND SOMEONE CAME IN LAST MINUTE TO PLEDGE THE $500 FOR KICKING MY BUTT INTO GEAR? HOLY CRAP? Okay if they actually go through with that then I guess we’re doing this! I AM DELIGHTED IN THE WORST OF WAYS AND SHAKING MY FIST IN THE BEST OF WAYS! HOW VERY DARE YOU AWESOME PERSON YOU!

Mystery third FTH fic pending talk with the bidder!

More Blindsiding Badgermoles because that’s the one I personally <3 at the moment.

Serious Face Writing & RL:

Finish the third book in the Fox’s Tongue and Kirin’s Bone series, Face of the Wolf King. As arbitrary deadlines do wonders for my writing, and so does Avoiding Other Work, I trust that I can play Wolf King off my FTH fanfic commitments like some kind of author-shaped work-avoidant pinball.

KILL ALL THE WEEDS IN MY GARDEN THIS IS WAR. Lovingly put mesh nets on all my apples to gently shoo the moths away. I love moths please stop eating my apples your delightfully terrible wiggle-children got ALL OF THEM last year they are so delicious in pies please go to the neighbors down the street they don’t even PICK theirs.

I love you Linux Mint I'm never going back to the tyranny of Windows

Special thanks this year goes to BlindBeta, who is my awesome sensitivity reader on Blindsiding Badgermoles, and to Fandom Trumps Hate, because last year’s anonymous bidder was awesome and boy does it look like this year will be EVEN MORE AWESOME.

Cheers,

MuffinLance

[greenbubblefactory]

Matchup for 🐈

Congratulations you have a match with..

Jade Leech !

★From the moment Floyd meets you, he is intrigued. At first glance, you appear reserved, polite, even composed but it only takes a few moments for him to sense that beneath that quiet exterior lies something far more interesting. He sees it in the glint of mischief in your eyes, in the way your carefully measured words slip into playful sarcasm, in the way you carry yourself with an effortless confidence that refuses to bow to arbitrary authority.

★And Floyd loves interesting people.

★You fascinate him, not just because of your unpredictability but because you understand something fundamental about life,it is meant to be lived, to be explored, to be felt in all its chaos and brilliance. Rules are mere suggestions, and authority is only valid if it makes sense. You do not mindlessly follow, and that is precisely the kind of person who keeps Floyd engaged.

★He adores how you start off cool and unreadable, only to transform into someone spirited, rebellious, and delightfully fun. He thrives on spontaneity, and with you, there is never a dull moment. One day, you might be leading him on a reckless adventure through the hidden corridors of Night Raven College, uncovering secrets and laughing in the face of curfews. The next, you might be challenging him to a battle of wits, each of you pushing the other to think faster, to speak sharper, to win.

★And oh, how Floyd lives for your sharp tongue. Your bluntness amuses him to no end. He delights in the way you say exactly what is on your mind, unfiltered, unapologetic. Sometimes, it makes others uneasy,perhaps they are unsure whether you are joking or being serious but not Floyd. No, he simply laughs, thrilled by your boldness, eager to see what you will say next. And when your offhanded remarks earn a few raised eyebrows? He only finds you even more entertaining.

★But what really makes Floyd fall for you is your depth. You are not just wild fun and witty banter you are understanding. You do not judge, you do not belittle, you do not see the world in rigid categories of right and wrong. You accept people as they are, embrace their quirks, and allow them to be their true selves without fear of rejection. And for Floyd who has spent his life being seen as too much, as too unpredictable that is something precious.

★He can be his usual playful, chaotic self, or he can have his moods, his days of laziness, his moments where he simply does not feel like engaging with the world. And you? You do not try to change him. You do not demand consistency. You understand him in a way that few people ever have.

★And in return, Floyd gives you his full, undivided affection fierce, unrelenting, and entirely his own. He is not subtle about his feelings when he decides he likes you, he likes you. He clings to you without shame, throwing an arm over your shoulders, leaning in close, grinning as he murmurs some playful tease into your ear just to see how you react. If he wants your attention, he demands it,scooping you up without warning, dragging you along on whatever whim has struck him that day, pouting dramatically if you deny him.

★And yet despite his overwhelming presence, despite the way he loves so loudly, there is something unmistakably tender about the way he treats you. For all his unpredictability, Floyd is deeply protective especially when it comes to the people he cares for. The moment he decides you are his, he makes sure everyone knows it. If someone so much as thinks of bothering you, they will find themselves on the receiving end of a sharp-toothed smile and a tone far too sweet to be reassuring.

★He does not just see you as a source of fun though, of course, that is a part of it. He sees you as someone worth his time, someone who does not bore him, someone he wants to keep around, needs to keep around. And for someone as mercurial as Floyd, who tires of people easily, that is no small thing.

★He may not always say it in words, but his actions speak for themselves. He is always close,too close sometimes, ignoring all personal space as he drapes himself over you, as he tugs at your sleeve, as he rests his head on your shoulder with an exaggerated sigh. He sneaks small gifts into your bag strange little trinkets he finds, things that remind him of you. He listens when you speak, his mismatched eyes fixed on you with an intensity that can be overwhelming, as if he is memorizing every word.

★And when he grins at you, sharp and wide and full of mischief, there is an unmistakable warmth beneath it."Shrimpy, Hope you’re ready for lots of fun.”

★With Floyd, love is not quiet. It is not predictable. It is a storm, a whirlwind, an adventure that never truly ends. And for you someone who thrives on the unexpected, who refuses to be bound by convention there could be no better match.

English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there are any spelling mistakes!

[thepratandtheidiot]

🍿 movie knights week three ⚔️

seven samurai (1954)

my entirely arbitrary rating based on nothing:

4.0 out of 5 ⭐️

what can i say about a film so famous it’s been referenced, parodied, and imitated countless times, that hasn’t already been said?

… probably not much, but here goes nothing!

1. not sure if this is the cinematic origin of “skilled warriors train the villagers to protect themselves from invaders” trope, but it’s definitely the most famous. i also realised about thirty seconds in that a bug’s life (1998) also follows this formula, and had to sit with that for a minute.

2. bring!!! back!!! intermissions!!! in film!!! (sidenote, i definitely should have split this over two viewings, my adhd-riddled ass was struggling by the end of three and a half hours. if you’re of similar persuasion, maybe pretend this is the 90s and watch one vhs tape per night)

3. rated w for “whatever is happening to women here, it’s not great”

4. toshiro mifune delivered the most insane facial expressions + body language combo i’ve ever seen, like holy shit? i was glued to him every moment he was onscreen

5. the character design and introduction of each samurai was delightfully distinct (i kind of want to draw them all now); my notes are a fucking mess, but a few excerpts:

i wish kambei would adopt me. that man has g r a v i t a s

honourable mention to kikuchiyo for having weird beef with a horse

extra honourable mention to kikuchiyo for having his ass out for 85% of the climactic battle. i’m a simple man with simple tastes

katsushirō = baby (the shot of him surrounded by flower blossoms with his big wide eyes is everything to me)

kyūzō was my favourite little guy and losing him in the last five minutes made me wail aloud. i loved him i desperately wanted him to live & take katsushirō as his scandalously younger boyfriend 😔 love loses, etc.

⚔️ a quote that made me hit pause and walk around the living room breathing deeply for a longass minute:

“By protecting others, you save yourself.”

and lastly, a screencap that gave me intense company is coming vibes:

“GET RID OF THE COUCHES WOMEN, WE CAN’T LET PEOPLE SAMURAI KNOW WE SIT HAVE WOMEN LIVING HERE”

🍿 big big thanks to @al-the-grammar-geek and @imaginaryanon for helping with links <3 and also my coworker benny, who suggested this film & will never ever read this review!

[briannysey]

Now give me your top 5 horror movies!

Okay so! Some of these are not good™️, per say, but they are all earnest and committed to their concept which is way more important. Also constraining this list to Top 5 was really fucking super difficult, so i'm gonna be arbitrary about what counts as top 5 for horror. I'm also keeping vampire movies off this list b/c for me they're basically they're their own category, and also slimming it down would take all night, and also also this list would just be vampires. In no particular order:

Suspiria (2018) - it’s really gross and visceral especially with harm and bodily fluids in a way that feels very real. Magic and the occult feel so super close in the film, and its ending scene was one of the visually striking scenes I’ve ever seen. Dancing being connected to ritual, womanhood, and extreme working of the human body is a concept that's really stuck with me. Also there's such a powerful and consistent visual style that's way less vibrant than the original but striking in its grim blues, greys, and browns. The film really bizarrely handles its historical setting to bring in big ideas and say nothing at all with them. Messy and immaculate

The Thing (1982) - This is one of my first and also most quintessential horror movies. The way it navigates masculinity and isolation as monstrosities, while also building this super tense atmosphere where no one can be trusted is so juicy. Also the body horror in this movie was so gorgeous and striking. So much of what I love about sci-fi had its roots here in this movie.

Godzilla vs Destroyah - I have loved Godzilla since I was very young, and this particular one was so striking in part for its horror elements. The destroyahs mutating as they fed on humans and grew as a background villain plot while Godzilla goes through organic nuclear meltdown is so over the top and maximalist but earnest in a way that appeals so much to me.

Mad God - Some movies aren't really good or bad or perhaps legible. Yet they still can leave their marks. Mad God is horrifically and delightfully gross. I was changed forever watching it. Phil Tippet finished Jurassic Park and then spent thirty years creating a work of genuinely pure artistic expression. There's giant monsters that eat shit in the movie and it makes me gag out loud every time. 10/10

Inland Empire - This movie expresses a particular phobia of mine which is living in a fractured connection to reality and time. That unwinding lost horror as reality just fails to legibly connect cause and effect is fucking bone-chilling for me. David Lynch said it was a film "about a woman in trouble" and god if I can't relate in an agonized sort of way.

Honorable mention

Alien - Had I saw this movie earlier in my life it would have been my whole personality I fear

I Saw the TV Glow

Annihilation - I love when bodies get freaky.

Event Horizon - It's like a Warhammer 40k prequel with Sam Niell, and some of the peakest 90s cheese imaginable.

The Lighthouse

Thank you for the question 😊😊

[itsjellybone]

Ultimate Haunted House was such a devastating experience I completely forgot that we watched the disastrous debut of Silent Hill: Ascension this evening. The technological bugs seem to be wide and varied, but for me personally, the audio for the introductory tutorials(?) and explanations were overlaid with the “game” stream, making everything immediately overwhelming and incomprehensible. You would think this would be resolved by getting into stream early, but you are a fool! I DID get to stream early, and had to back out because those same introductory screens were then overlaid with the dev (I assume) preshow talk. A mess! I played (“played”) through the website, but I’m seeing people experience other bugs on app.

Also the story is an absolutely incomprehensible mess of quibi style scenes with minimal connective tissue, and the choose your own adventure element is monetized with fake currency called “inspiration points.” Each player is NOT equal in the vote for scene outcomes, if you buy more points you can put more into a decision to make sure it wins

There’s a season pass!

You get cosmetics for your completely arbitrary and baffling avatar (very ugly) (it does not have any use except that it can potentially make a cameo(??) in “game” scenes???) and completely atonal and sometimes simply inappropriate emotes for the unmoderated in-game chat. I turned off the chat whenever it made an appearance, but I read that the word “kill” is censored in chat. Somebody pointed out that chatters aren’t allowed to say “kill” on the decision about whether a character believes her dad(?) killed his wife or not.

The ui is overwhelming at any and every moment, and it just looks like a cheap mobile game? I suppose it’s not really surprising from the company that microtransactioned additional save slots, but it still managed to surpass my expectations (negative). They’re so busy tripping over themselves to demand money they forgot to make a sellable product!

The qte section came on out of nowhere, completely divorced from the narrative section— not just in gameplay (which they did not explain before it started or allowed viewers to prepare for), but also the scene was….impossible to place in any sort of context?

It’s really only worth examining as a Silent Hill property for its disastrous Konami influence. The only consistent thread tying Silent Hill games together was tone (and then reference to the first 3 games for every release after The Room), and at least in this INTRODUCTORY EPISODE(!) they have neither tone nor reference! Until the bizarre otherworld qte segment I guess.

Bizarre, absurd experience. If it wasn’t so exhausting, I’d almost think it would be funny to see where it goes first-hand, but EVERY DAY? FOR SIX MONTHS?? I expect the audience dropoff will be swift and vicious. I’ll admit it! I’m delightfully anticipating the backlash from high profile silent hill fans (the kind who explore development more than lore).

I feel for the devs though. Apparently a lot of them are refugees from the Telltale layoffs, and given Konami’s history and the product as it released today, development seems nightmarish. It looks like there were about 3 different studios (for various aspects of the development?) involved, and I have to wonder how the communication and workflow worked out between them all. The results suggest….not well. I assume they really tried to make something good, and I’m sorry it turned out this way. It’s important to keep that human element in mind. (That doesn’t mean anybody should put any money into this oh my god please)

[psychotrenny]

On a more light-hearted note I'd like to give a shout-out to Fursan al-Aqsa: The Knights of the Al-Aqsa Mosque. It's a neat little action game made by a Palestinian-Brazilian bloke. You definitely have to take it slow and carefully-enemies are accurate and chew through your health rapidly and if you play it like a normal shooter you'll be in for a frustrating time. The closest comparison I can think of is Max Payne with the lethal combat and importance of bullet time, but it strongly reminds me of Metal Gear Solid as well with the sometimes game feeling as much as a stealth or even puzzle game as a shooter. Not to mention the story is great fun. For one you get to play as one of the good guys; the player characters is Ahmad al-Falastini, a young man out to avenge his arbitrary torture and the murder of his family. You spend the game killing Israeli soldiers both in gameplay and a variety of delightfully over the top cutscenes. Running soldiers through with a chainsaw, ejecting out of jet to shoot down a helicopter, even feeding one guy to a shark. Great stuff if you're that way inclined. Now as a disclaimer the game is very gorey, the gameplay is quite janky and the former can get quite frustrating at times (sometimes essentially devolving into trial and error), and graphically speaking I wouldn't exactly call it a looker. But if you're willing to look past all that and your a fan of this sort of game then you'll be in for a good time. Check it out

[fantomemangeurdelivres]

we remain incorrigible - Alok V Menon

This is my favorite poem ever <3 so I'm sharing the love :

"

the body is not a fleshy prison for the spirit. we transcend the arbitrary boundaries drawn around our skin. we are so much more than the physical. our bodies are just mere suggestions, not ordained truths.

truth is polyamorous. time is, too, we are connected to the past, the future, the present, the people we are, the people we love, the world that surrounds us, is us. invisibility is not an objective state, it is a lack of ambition. just because you don’t see us as us doesn’t mean we are not real. reality surpasses vision. our imagination is malnourished by a world that limits our potential to our ability to work + not our ability to love, one that relegates dreaming to our sleeping.

what if we were to dream while awake? the hyper individuation of the west crumbles beneath our feet + in our lungs. we desire past the confines of the now. we reject their reason, and instead we are honest — painfully so — in our feelings. that behind every fact is a carousel of feelings. behind every law is a panic attack. behind every judge, and every doctor, and every politician is a broken heart. we yearn desperately for an otherwise. we begin that otherwise by surrendering to the complexity of ourselves + everyone around us. we use science to appreciate our potential, not restrict it. biology proliferates not imprisons. the natural disposition of the world is infinity. we are oriented towards multifaceted universes that exist beyond comprehension. we resist being known, we insist on being experienced regardless of reason. there are as many ways to exist as there are existences. everything lives: the stone beneath our feet, the clouds above us. nothing dies — it just transforms. it goes elsewhere. we are the descendants of elsewhere. star dust, skin cells, stray dreams. we spill outside of the containers they filter us through. we remain incorrigible, impure, and delightfully contaminated. porous + welcoming of all the transitions, the refugees, the becomings, the future, the now.

"

Please go show love to the amazing atist that is Alok. Their Instagram is amazing, full of inspiration and book recs/analysis ! + their Goodreads page

[soundofseclusion]

61. Return to Monkey Island

Release: 2022, PC/Switch Beaten: November 8th, PC (Game Pass) Playtime: 8h 30m

I wasn't the biggest fan of the artstyle at first, but it definitely grew on me, and I thought it was done pretty well overall. The story is strong, as I expected. Well-written and delightfully funny. From what I've read, most seasoned adventure game players found the game relatively easy, and I can't say I disagree, but I thought it was a pretty good balance between outlandish puzzle solutions that still felt logical overall. The only issue I had was not realizing I could interact with certain elements during a few scenes, and a few "puzzles" feeling too much like "go get this one item for an arbitrary reason."

[swimmingmagazinesublime]

Why AI-Based Local Matches Make Cherlish the Best Local Dating App for Meaningful Connections 

In this fast paced world, finding a genuine connection with another can feel like a daunting task. While there are countless dating sites active online, they seem to focus on superficial connections with surface level compatibility. This leads to connections that are short-term, and often end without fruition. Cherlish fills up this gap as it is powered by AI based Local Matches. By putting higer emphasis on localised matchmaking and sincere connections, Cherlish is revolutionizing the online dating world with every passing day. 

AI-Based Local Matches: The Key to Deeper Compatibility 

The way Cherlish stands out from other dating apps is in its ability to offer AI based Local Matches. Traditional dating sites offer basic filters or arbitrary swiping mechanisms, but in contrast Cherlish leverages advanced AI algorithms to find compatibility between people that are more realistic and therefore concrete. Cherlish looks beyond simple profile pictures and interests keeping in mind your personality traits , goals and even emotional compatibility. THis furthur ensures that the people who you connect with aren’t just locally matched, they are also truly compatible with you for a long-lasting relationship. 

Focused on Local Connections 

Cherlish is a Local Dating App at its core, emphasizing connections with people who are close by. While other platforms often push matches across the globe, Cherlish narrows your search to those in your vicinity. This helpes in many ways. Not only is it easier to meet up and connect with your special someone, it also helps to engage in activities together more actively and organically. Grabbing a simple cup of coffee or attending a local concert, becoems possible this way and people find excuses to bond when they feel that they are a part of a similar commiunity. 

The AI algorithms also take location into account, ensuring that your matches are not only nearby but also in sync with your lifestyle and preferences. This proximity allows for meaningful in-person interactions, which are key to building trust and a deeper connection. 

Personalized and Smarter Experience 

AI-based local matches also offer a smarter, more personalized experience. As you engage with the app, the AI learns from your preferences and adjusts future suggestions accordingly. This continuous learning ensures that the more you use Cherlish, the more accurate your matches become. No more sifting through endless profiles that don’t interest you—Cherlish ensures you’re only shown people who truly align with your expectations and desires. 

Cherlish with its unique focus on AI-Based Matches ensures that it is the best Local dating app out there for all its countless users. If youre looking to find your special someone online, in this fast-paced world, look no furthur than Cherlish and feel safe knowing that your data and digital footprint are protected from online threats. We truly try our best to make your process of finding a life partner as delightfully enjoyable as possible. 

[rabbit-surfboard]

The closest it got to fucked up was (end of manga spoilers)

Laios and the demon eating each other at the same time. There was something delightfully creepy about the demon puppetting an arbitrary amount of Laios clones, and them eating a big monster like a colony of ants.

In any other manga that would be out of line and kind of fucked up but it's just too thematically on the nose to seem that weird beyond the demon being a freaky lil guy.

Maybe also Senshi's backstory a bit

Honestly after finishing Dungeon Meshi, it really wasn’t that fucked up. Some moments definitely hit that kinda mark but some of yall are weak with some of the posting I’ve seen about it.

[neitherabaron]

Really looking forward to the Chris Pine D&D movie, and I want to share some love for the original attempt at a D&D film from 2000!

Make no mistake, this is a so-bad-it’s-good film, with digital effects that are ropey as hell (especially when you consider that Fellowship of the Ring was already in post-production in 2000), a plot so disjointed it barely exists, (including a final battle that the main characters don’t even really take part in) and staggering levels of camp.

But it’s fucking charming.

Jeremy Irons (Scar from The Lion King) is the villain, an evil archmage who wants to overthrow an (not particularly benevolent anyway) empire with a plan that is never really clear but involves dragons?

Just look at this guy:

:readmore:

He walks about like that for the whole film, waggling his fingers slowly so you know he’s the baddie. He has an office where all the furniture and decor is made of human skulls and bones (a real location; I believe it’s a church somewhere?) and likes swooping his cape about. And Jeremy Irons himself is so bored, it’s hilarious. I seem to remember that in the dvd extras he’s interviewed alongside Gary Gygax and pretty much expresses open disdain for the whole process. He’s a serious actor! This is beneath him!

Elsewhere on the supporting cast, we have a henchman with spiky armour and inexplicably blue lips that are always pouting in a way that seems vaguely sexual; Tom Baker(!) as a wood elf Druid who only exists in order to say something vaguely mystic about dragons for 20 seconds before disappearing forever; and Richard O’Brien in full fey bastard mode as a camp thieves’ guild master who challenges the party to…find a crystal…in a deadly maze filled with traps and puzzles. Like in that game show he used to present…I forget the name. I wanna say Diamond Labyrinth? 😂

As for the party, it’s all delightfully one-note characters. We’ve got a rogue? bard? who goes from being a selfish dickhead to altruistic freedom fighter on a dime. Some dialogue suggests he’s some kind of chosen one, but the plot never actually explores or resolves that. Then there’s a wizard who doesn’t like poor people, an elf fighter who doesn’t like anyone, a dwarf who’s so out of it he barely knows he’s there and is never given any character motivation to explain why he’s travelling with these guys; and some dude called Snails, whose personality is…he’s scared? Basically Shaggy without Scooby.

These guys have to save a princess from Jeremy Irons, who wants to kill her because she has friendly dragons or something. But here’s the great thing: the party have very little reason to want to rescue her (most of them as non-mages are actively oppressed and even enslaved by the ruling mage class of which she is the figurehead) and they never actually *meet* her until the very end of the film, after the evil archmage has pretty much already been defeated - by the princess and her dragons btw, not the party, who basically teleport a magic wand to her and then just watch.

They rescue her because in order for the film to be a film, there needs to be an end goal, even if it’s totally arbitrary. And that’s what I love. Isn’t that just so reflective of a slightly haphazard campaign of Dungeons & Dragons with a party that’s hastily thrown together?

And there are more similarities that compound this feeling of watching some randoms play a home campaign. The plot as I mentioned is disjointed. It’s not a series of events that flows or has any kind of pacing - the movie is a series of 15 minute adventures that don’t really connect to each other or build to the ending. As if the director is a dungeon master arbitrarily stringing together modular adventure sourcebooks! Let’s storm a castle for reasons! Great, now let’s raid a tomb. No, I don’t know why. At one point a party member just bounces from the plot and is never seen again, just like that player in your group who never shows up and you all just move on.

It’s like the writers transcribed a home campaign, warts and all, into script form and then somehow successfully pitched it as a B-movie. Though the Chris Pine version will doubtlessly be a much better movie, Dungeons & Dragons (2000) is perhaps the most accurate possible dramatic presentation of D&D as it actually is in practice for most people playing it. What could be more charming than that?

[hekateinhell]

Armand and Daniel messing around trying on costumes for Halloween (in a shop or at home your choice) NSFW fic lit 🎃👹👻🧛🏻‍♂️

For the NSFW prompts: Armand/Daniel; implied Armand/Marius, Devil’s Minion era, rated M (whipping, Daniel hears the name “Marius” for the first time), 1.8k. Also, I don't know that it really fulfills the prompt, but it was my first and only thought for this one. Whoops. X-posted to the A/D prompt box on ao3.

New York City, 1979

Halloween had come and gone, with Thanksgiving and Christmas following not far behind. Daniel had gradually stopped bothering to measure the passage of time through arbitrary means such as seasons and dates. What did it matter with Armand by his side? Daniel was above such things now - time! What a trivial mortal concept! 

No, it wouldn't do him any good to dwell on time just now… Because if he did, if he permitted his mind to wander back around, the deep-seated hopelessness and fear would rear its nasty head again. As it inevitably did when it could no longer be numbed and repressed into the tight, little shadowy corner where his demons lived - demons that strangely resembled the dark-eyed, auburn youth sitting before him now, unbreathing and unblinking in the ghastly… shit!

"Stay the fuck out of my head, Armand," he mumbled, turning away so he didn't have to witness Armand's reaction to his less-than-loving reflections.

It's a good night, and Daniel's reward for his self-awareness and restraint is a slightly teasing smile from his otherworldly companion and an oddly human shake of the head.

"I've been called far worse than ghastly, my love," a pause, "You've written the words yourself, haven't you?"

The yellow glow of the apartment lights catches Armand's glassy eyes just so as they fixate on him once more. Snake eyes or cat eyes? — Daniel can't decide — a playmate or a predator tonight? While there is something in Daniel's nature that recognizes the creature in front of him for what he is, it doesn't sound off his adrenaline the way it once did. The human mind will eventually become conditioned to almost any circumstance, no matter how ludicrous or depraved, and this is no exception.

Me and my monster, how about that? A delirious laugh bubbles up in his chest before he can stop it, and he thinks Armand sees the humor in it too when he breaks into a grin, fangs and all.

He does that thing where he talks without ever moving his lips. Where is my Halloween box, Daniel?

Daniel doesn't hear him; he has better things to think about. It's a delicious delirium — the lights too bright and delightfully hazy, the tiny fine lines etched onto the marble of Armand's lips that he can make out from ten feet away... How did he do that! — cresting through as the euphoria rescinds.

"Daniel," Armand's mouth opens and shapes his name in the most alluring way; he swears it must be happening in slow-motion. Daa-nnni-el. "Daniel, focus, beloved, please."

"I'm trying, fuck," a shot to sober up seems counterproductive, but it does the job; the whiskey burning its way down snaps him out of his head.

Hallo-what? Halloween, Halloween, where? Oh, right.

Armand organized his collections meticulously, and Daniel had recently attempted to reclaim some of their shared space by making use of their storage unit in the building's basement. What couldn't be made to fit there was stuffed into a closet or stacked along the living room wall. Heaven help him if he ever threw any of Armand's toys away!

No matter, Armand gleaned what he was after from Daniel's mind, tearing through boxes as though they contained priceless treasure. Movements much too fast and erratic for the human eye to keep track of, compelling as it is nauseating.

"I found it," Armand announces, borderline triumphant.

"What? Black Beard's gold?"

Daniel had turned his attention to the night infomercials, resting his weary senses from the overstimulation that comes from shacking up with a vampire. Could be worse, he supposed. Could've married Christine Romero right out of high school and be living in some bumfuck hick town with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids.

Crack!

The sound has him jumping before the black leather flashing right past his face does the job. "What the fuck, Armand? Where the fuck did you-?"

Ringmaster costume, beloved. Remember that one? Armand repeats the motion, slow and exaggerated this time, letting Daniel catch the full effect of his arm pulling back and his shoulder raising.

Ahhh. Daniel had found it incredibly, darkly funny that that was the one costume Armand had gravitated towards and subsequently worn at the college Halloween party he'd dragged Daniel to. "Because you call all the shots, right?" He'd quipped while Armand stared up at him, small and serious, "Monsieur Le Directeur."

He's so lost in the drift of couple-months-ago memories, booze, and the after-effects of the Blood, he almost doesn't hear Armand's soft, commanding murmur.

"Hit me."

"What?" He's laughing again. But Armand isn't.

"Hit me, Daniel," he repeats, the words leaving his mouth echo in Daniel's skull on a delay. Oh, that's new.

Shakes his head before he realizes he's doing it. "No. Don't wanna... Don't want to hurt you."

Something cruel twists Armand's angelic features for an abrupt instant, a switch sudden and drastic enough to finally jolt that long-dormant sense of apprehension in Daniel's system. Armand must have picked up on that — of course, he did — and the change in his demeanor is as quick as though someone had flicked the channel back and forth on the television screen. "You would hardly be the first to do so," is his level reply.

Daniel's heart twists painfully in his chest at the implication, and he's rapidly regaining enough lucidity to want to pursue the logical line of questioning, but before he can start with the who? what? where? when? why? of it all, Armand continues.

"You cannot possibly think you could hurt me, do you, lover?" There's a subtle mocking edge in Armand's tone now, so out of place with the pleading expression on his face. "Think of it like a game if you must. What do you mortals call it? Sadomasochism!" He's proud he remembered the term, and Daniel's head spins just a bit more.

"You can't tell me that this is what turns you on," He retorts, "I know you don't fucking function that way." More than a little hurtful, even though he knows it's one of the few things Armand can't help. Not his fault his body is dead in every sense of the word.

Armand's kneeling before him suddenly, between Daniel's legs, and it's striking how the rush of power instantly courses through his veins at seeing Armand in such an utterly subservient position.

It's a farce, a theater act, but fuck... It's a good one.

"Get up," he's gripping Armand's bicep and dragging him off the floor, knowing full well it's only happening because Armand's allowing this, and that's enough.

His erection is positively painful, throbbing and desperate against his briefs by the time they make it the thirty feet into the bedroom. He hesitates for a split second before pushing Armand down onto the bed.

"How do you want this?" Hand already down the back of Armand's waistband, ready to tear off his leather pants.

Not sure where the line is, if there is one. Should there be one?

Armand helps him, stark-naked from the waist down in the blink of an eye. Clothes hit the floor before Daniel's vision has focused enough to notice the change. It's a marble statue laid out on his stomach. Oh, Daniel's an expert on Armand's body by now — knows it as well or even better than he does his own.

Easy when Armand's never changes.

Crack!

The first hit is experimental, sloppy, hitting right down below the curvature of Armand's ass where the muscle smooths out to meet his upper thighs. Like hitting granite, and the resounding crack makes Daniel wince.

He's not sure what the ultimate goal of this is. He can't even cut through Armand's skin with his teeth, must less a whip. Armand didn't even flinch.

Again.

The second hit is more sure, purposeful, aiming just below where he thinks the first one landed. Hard to tell without the usual marker of blood rising to the surface to color the skin.

He can't see Armand's face, of course, but he's turned his head to the side, pressing his cheeks against the red satin duvet he insisted they buy at Macy's last week.

You're hesitating still, Daniel. Hit me like you mean it! As if you succeed in this task, I'll grant you your deepest, darkest wish!

"You're lying, you goddamn asshole," it's staggering that Armand would play that card, mock him that way. Surely he has to know by now what Daniel's deepest, darkest wish would be.

Doesn't believe it, not for a second. But it's enough — the goddamn audacity — it works to make the subsequent three blows hard and fast. Task? What task? What sort of lunatic test is this? Surprises himself with how easy and instinctive the motions are coming to him now, as though someone was coaching him along; he's not even thinking anymore.

Crack! Crack! Crack!

Armand still hasn't moved or reacted in any perceivable way, but he makes a sound now.

A low, soft noise that Daniel can't quite catch. He needs to hear it again, knows he does. Everything sober cell in his body is telling him: this is important.

One for the money, two for the show... Crack! Crack! The whip hisses through two more times in rapid succession.

"Master..."

What?

"Marius..."

It's unmistakable the second time, and Armand buries his face into the pillow, confirming what Daniel already knew — that there was some grand secret, something he wasn't supposed to hear.

"Who's Marius?"

He drops the whip on the bed, suddenly cold and confused.

"No one." Armand's sitting up again, a quick recovery. He smiles, serene; the reddish droplets clinging to his lashes do nothing to distract from his beauty. "No one," he repeats, "No one you will ever need to know."

Secret after secret, it's maddening! Daniel wants to hit him again, beat every last one out of him! Who wouldn't lose their mind with a lover like Armand? Pity the fool, as the expression goes.

"Come," it's almost a sigh as Armand reclines on his back, opening his legs and reaching out a hand, a proverbial siren on the rocks.

His other hand comes up to his throat, and Daniel's so well trained — ah, the perfect pet, indeed — that he's crawling on all fours, placing his mouth over the wound before Armand's nail has fully pulled back.

I drove him to rages, too, you know.

Feels those satin-like fingers running through his short hair as he desperately sucks at the little cut, tasting Armand's heartbeat, throbbing on his tongue.

Yet you did take longer to get there, I must say. You continue to surprise me, beautiful boy.

[absolutebl]

Hey! Not sure if I missed it(apologies for this ask if I did, or if you're not doing it anymore) but did you do your BL Trope awards for 2022?

I love your lists, the trope execution awards are always fun, and your breakdowns of who best deployed the tropes and archetypes for the year slap, every time - also, all your top tier analyses that I am just incredibly grateful for from a media analysis(and media accessibility) standpoint and breaking down sub genres of queer romance media, which has delightfully been morphing and growing with every passing year, and with it, the tropes too (R.I.P. sharing corded headphones as the jacks get phased out - but I did clock recently The Eighth Sense doing its little retro nods, so they clearly didn't get the memo/it was an intentional inclusion, and we love that for them either way)

Anyhow

Please do not feel pressure if this is not the vibe rn

I know this ain't your job, and you're choosing to be out here blessing us with stats and breakdowns, and wonderful, wonderful lists, so thank you for everything you put out, mad appreciation, human

Your shoulder blades remain the prettiest

I sort of did it. I didn't think many were reading the trope wan but I did pass out some awards (and thank you for saying such nice things!)

All my 2022 stuff is here:

But this is as close as I go:

I might do it again this year with a few of the more popular tropes since there are so many BLs I've taken to doing image lists of tropes by year rather then as massive round ups "of all time". If that makes sense.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Ask Me Anything 1 -- The Spellthing

The spellthing’s answers are also available on patreon.

Do you have a name?

Do I have a name? In my experience, my deer, names are most often held by humans, who breed and cultivate them and then tag them onto everything they see until the skies and the seas and the mountains are positively drowning in mundane labels. I’ve never been one to wield them myself. Some spells do – Destiny cannot seem to resist bludgeoning everything it prophesies about into the shape of a name – but the only name I have with any regularity is the one I am currently applying to you, my deer.

What are your pronouns?

The pronouns I use the most are “me” for myself, and “you” for yourself.

Do you have tastebuds, and if so, what does the magic you suck in taste like?

Do I have tastebuds? My deer, I… I’m not made of cells.

Have you ever met someone else in the initiation?

Oh, there are always new humans to meet in the Initiation. So young and scared and delightfully, entertainingly clever.

Are you more or less likely to attack someone if they’ve escaped you before? I’m thinking you don’t care, but I’m curious.

I never attack someone. I speak to a dreaming space, a human mind as you might so arrogantly simplify it, and it is influenced. Whether it lives or dies is its own affair and, in the scheme of things, rather meaningless.

I almost never meet the same human mind twice, so it would be difficult to extrapolate any pattern in my behaviour based on previous encounters.

How old are you, by this I mean, when long has it been since you guys started to bond together?

It is my nature to see the future. If you have questions about the past, it is perhaps worth your time to ask somebody whose nature is to see the past. A human, perhaps.

Thoughts on insects?

There are no thoughts on insects. Or I suppose it is more accurate to say that there are no dreams on insects, at least none that are visible to my kind, and others have no relevance. Humans may build dreams in the shape of insects, but I am not what you want to speak to about that.

Do you choose your appearance or do you have no control over it? If you chose, why do you choose to be so alike a human but so odd at the same time? If you don’t choose, why do you look human-like, are bonded spells prone to look like humans? Or is it all coincidence and both humans and spell things tend to look eerily alike?

I do not know what my appearance is from your perspective. I cannot see, at least not in the way that you see.

It is my nature to give information to humans. This is what I am. I would imagine that I appear to you as your mind would characterise me.

Would sunlight hurt you?

… No? Why would it?

What exactly makes you, as a spell-creature, any different from a human-creature (aside from all the magic)?

“Creature” is an arbitrary distinction. Do you believe that you are an individual thing, my deer?

The mere existence of this question betrays an understanding of the world so flawed that it has no answer. You may as well ask what a sunrise tastes like.

Do spells tend to bond like this or are you an odd case?

I am a product of my environment. It is not normal for unbound spells to encounter each other. If you put a whole lot of them in a very confined space for centuries, odd things are guaranteed to happen.

Are bond up spells more or less likely to be bond to a human?

Are you more likely to be infected by a bacterium from the mouth of your lover, or the pen you absentmindedly chew? The origin is irrelevant. It takes a great deal of shackling or long-ingrained training to keep a spell from a compatible host.

Why only enter humans and not other animals? In case it enters an animal would it be able to use the spell? Would the spell be ‘trained’ to enter other animals only?

We bond to the dreamers from which we are born, the dreams that we perceive. The only source of such things that I can see are the animals you call humans. But the flesh is not particularly relevant, and the question of why dreams are born only of human meat is uninteresting.

Since when can you talk like this?

I am a being of prophecies. To perceive information and communicate it to humans is the entirety of my nature. I have been able to ‘talk’ for as long as I have existed, or I would not, by definition, exist.

Is it possible to enchant living beings?

How would I know this?

Any prophecy spell is able to become part of you or they must be 'compatible' somehow? If it needs to be compatible, what is this compatibilidade based on? Is it strength (and would be ‘strength’ in this sense?)? Maybe the more specific the spell, the harder it is to bond with other spells. Maybe it’s linked to the kind of prophecy spell (if it’s the kind that only sees the future or the type that profetices things to existence).

My perception is vast, and somehow you keep insisting on asking me questions outside it. Do you know how all of your cells interrelate and operate? This is a question for a scientist.

Do you need to be near a human to prophecy?

I am always near a human. I am trapped under a society of mages.

Do you choose when to prophecy? If not, do the prophecies come in predictable bases or at random? Does taking on a single spell from you change it?

Do you choose when to breathe?

When you see the future, or something alike, do you ‘want’ to tell it? Is it your nature to tell it to a human? or is it your nature to just say it? In truth what do you ‘instinct’ after profeticing?

‘Want’ is the purview of beasts. I see and I communicate because this is what I am. The most that a spell could be said to ‘want’ something is to follow its nature and find a compatible host, but even this is like saying that the rain ‘wants’ to fall and the wind ‘wants’ to blow. I don’t understand the rest of your question.

Do spells do things when they are not bond to humans or they just… do nothing but exist? If there were no more humans in the world, would all the spells disappear? Would they try to enter other living beings or objects?

Imagine a shack in the middle of the woods. It has a heavy oak front door, bolted shut. It is abandoned; nobody is out here, nobody will ever go through that doorway. Is the door still a door?

Imagine a shack in the middle of the woods. It has a heavy oak front door that is bolted shut, but weather has broken the windows and torn off parts of the roof. Animals freely enter and exit these new doorways, but the panel of oak remains bolted in place, effectively acting as a wooden piece of wall. Is the door still a door?

Imagine a ruin in the middle of the woods. There are no walls, no roof, only the oddly smooth stones beneath the colonising grass shows any hint of there ever having been a cabin there at all – that, and the doorframe, which through some act of fortune has remained standing, housing a heavy oak door. The door is bolted shut, but there is nothing for it to shut in or out – it is not part of a wall, and instead of being any kind of passage, is now a standalone obstruction. There’s nowhere for it to lead to.

Is the door still a door?

Imagine a ruin in the middle of the woods. There is nothing left now, but the oddly smooth stones beneath grasses and small bushes. An old oak panel lies on the ground, roots just starting to burrow their way into the soft tracks left by fungus. Rusty hinges are still attacked to one side. Is the door still a door?

Imagine the middle of the woods.

There are worked stones and rusty nails here. Signs of previous human habitation. Under the grass and mushrooms growing in one particular patch is the spongy remains of a long-dead panel of oak.

Is the door still a door?

A thing is defined not just by its form and history but by its function. If there are no dreams left, can there be magic? Is a spell that cannot act still a spell?

Of course, none of this particularly matters for your question, because I don’t know what we will be after the humans are gone. I cannot see that. You cannot move into a lack of space, you cannot exist into a lack of time, I cannot see into a lack of dreams.

---------------------

Next month’s AMA will be for Maximillian Acanthos! Apprentices and craftspeople, please send em your question for Max on Patreon by the end of the month.

[underscore-hyphen]

10 Scariest Songs Ever (In My Opinion)

So I just read Revolver's recent listicle on the 5 scariest songs written (Link Here), and frankly I was personally unimpressed. It was a fan poll, so maybe it should be unsurprising that the selections were largely kinda boring and obvious, but even so it inspired some thoughts in me. For this reason, I've decided to make a list of what are, in my opinion, the 10 scariest songs ever.

10: Death - Scream Bloody Gore

Chuck Schuldiner's voice on Death's first album has always stricken me as really intense. It sounds like he was actively being torn to pieces as he tried to sing. Combined with the way that this album had a very unpolished sound in comparison to much of the rest of their work, if I'm being honest pretty much any track could have been put in this spot, the title track only made the cut because of how I felt at the time. An honorable mention goes to the track 'Back From The Dead' from their demo of the same title; it only didn't make it because I arbitrarily (and perhaps unsuccessfully :3c) chose only to include stuff from mainline releases.

9: Megadeth - Looking Down The Cross

One of Megadeth's slower songs, but one that slowly builds in its speed and tension until it sounds absolutely devastating. Taking on a particularly dark retelling of Jesus Christ's crucifixion, with Christ resolving to damn humanity as vengeance, the lyrical darkness matches with the furious musicality and all comes together for what I think to be a terrifying piece. Another honorable mention goes to 'Last Rites / Loved to Deth'; the album version was a close competitor with this one, and the demo version (for how much faster and more bitter Mustaine's vocals sound, as well as the generally lower sound quality) would've taken it, if not for previously mentioned arbitrary rules.

8: Slayer: South of Heaven

Slayer have a number of rather spooky tracks, and ultimately I think that Revolver's list settling on 'Dead Skin Mask' is both an obvious choice and an incorrect choice. It's more obviously horrific in its lyricism, being (at times quite explicitly) a detailing of the actions of Ed Gein. In addition to that, it has some very horrific musicality, but in my opinion it can sound somewhat cliche at times. Furthermore, selecting Ed Gein specifically doesn't mean much to me; why not 'Angel of Death' for specifically dealing with nazi war crimes? Ultimately, for me, 'South of Heaven' takes the cake for being extremely dark and brooding from a standpoint of musical structure, and while it doesn't deal with real world tragedy, I don't feel that that is a necessary factor; the lyrics of 'South of Heaven' paint an exceedingly dark picture without that.

7: Morher - Soothsayer

The first of rather few non-metal tracks on this list, Soothsayer by Morher (known as Wrtch when I bought the album it is on) is an experimental piece that includes some rather spooky vocals towards the end. There isn't too much that one can say to convey the dissonant, spooky nature of this track, but it's atmospheric in a very compelling way. I highly recommend seeking this track out, as Morher are quite certainly the least renowned artist on this list, and the track itself is an extremely interesting listen.

6: Mercyful Fate - Shadows

Mercyful Fate have always been a delightfully spooky band in their sound and this track is, lyrically speaking, the kind of schlocky horror that sits at heavy metal's backbone. Combine King Diamond's incredible vocal performance with the rest of the band's almost magical sense of musicality and dark harmony, this track is a very solid example of the band in their prime. Happy Halloween :)

5: Pig Destroyer - Jennifer 2

At first, this track sounds like a continuation of 'Prowler in the Yard's opening track, a narrative told by a text-to-speech voice detailing a pair of women doing some stuff in public that they should, perhaps, be doing in one of their bedrooms. As the track continues, however, the narrative becomes increasingly surreal, and in the background discordant noise begins to slowly intensify along with the sound of laughter. The only deathgrind band on this list and the track isn't even a deathgrind piece; it's something of a disappointment, but there were a number of such tracks that I could have included that didn't quite make the cut. 'Lifestalker' by Cattle Decapitation was another track I considered including.

4: Motörhead - Make 'em Blind

Motörhead weren't a band who made particularly spooky tunes very often, but their album 'Sacrifice' to me is quite an exception. 'Make 'em Blind' is a very dark song, and while there are a few of those on the album, the slow drumming and chanted vocals create a particularly eerie atmosphere that engrosses me; it's almost hypnotic. There's also something darkly humorous about the way that the lyric "There are worse things than death in here" becomes a refrain in 'Don't Waste Your Time', the very next track, where its meaning is flipped for a far more upbeat track. An honorary mention for Motörhead goes to the track 'Jailbait' from 'Ace of Spades', because there are few things more terrifying than a grown man expressing sexual interest in an underage girl.

3: Robert Johnson - Stones In My Passway

I've often heard it said that when people listen to Robert Johnson, they get the feeling that they're doing something they shouldn't. For what it's worth, I have never felt this way, and I think that people who say that are just combining the rumors surrounding the man with their (presumed) inexperience with such old recordings. Whatever the case, Johnson certainly did have a way of stringing words together that he often used to paint a dark, distressing picture, and I feel this song to have been a particularly good example of such.

2: Type O Negative - Black Sabbath (Black Sabbath Cover)

Putting Black Sabbath's self-titled song at number 1 on their list was one of the best decisions on the part of Revolver's listicle. For what it's worth, I feel that Type O Negative's cover of the song is even spookier, but if covers didn't qualify or if the original just beat this version out, I understand. The dissonant, slower pace and the lyrics, altered to reflect the satanic perspective, outdo the original in terms of spookiness, and the lyrical refrain of 'Ave, Ave Satanus' emphasises the fact. The closing lyrics of "Worship the Sun / Worship no one" strike as chillingly beautiful in combination with the musical backing. Ultimately, while I generally prefer the original, Type O Negative's take is a lot scarier.

1: Sunn O))) - 0))) Bow 2

A crushing drone doom piece that combines crushing, dissonant guitaristry with unpredictable bursts of surreal, bludgeoning electronic sounds; the first time I listened to this album I made the mistake of falling asleep to it. I woke up to the sounds of discordant piano keys being beaten with a hammer, and it was the only time I can think of since I was a child that I can recall being genuinely scared by a piece of music. The majority of the track trends towards being loud and noisy, but low-pitched, so when there is such a sudden tonal shift towards the high-pitched, disturbingly altered sounds is jarring. It becomes a sonic jumpscare, but one that is set up ever-so-well by the rest of the track's atmosphere.

As a final note, I wanted to explain my not including Korn's 'Daddy' (which was included on Revolver's list), and that is simply because I haven't listened to it. Korn simply aren't my sort of music, and I felt that trying songs that I haven't listened to before for this list would have been disingenuous. I am sure, though, that it is a very disturbing song in its own right.