#it’s not the same on here ofc it’s a lot easier to be supportive here :) but irl esp with her i’m just like….ok….

[pinkspiraling]

my sister came by to pick up her dog and she called me and asked if she could come in my room and there are literally 36 empty seltzer cans lying around LMAO so i was like uhhhh no but i can come out. and then she was just like “i had a bad day” and i was like oh…damn. and then we just kind of stood there and then she’s like “well that was it, just wanted to tell you i had a bad day” and i’m like???? you made me get out of bed and put on pants for that??? ik she wanted me to ask her about it but we’re literally getting lunch tomorrow like imma need u to regulate your own emotions for the night and then u can vent tomorrow when it’s not late and i’m not exhausted

[lovelettersfromluna]

Dream Girl

Summary: Did you seriously think you’d be able to get over someone like Ellie Williams? Think again, dream girl.

an: I’m so obsessed with this series and the portrayal of Ellie, there’s just something about a small town romance that scratches the sweet spot in my brain. I hope you guys have enjoyed this one just as much as I have! Thank you so much for all of the support 🤍

Warnings: smut! MDNI!! 18+, tribbing (another tribbing fic by Luna?? Ofc do you not know me by now?), lots of kissing, sub!ellie if you squint, angst, mentions of another love interest, mentions of cheating, reader sucks Ellie’s fingers, pet names, unsure and closed off reader, pls lmk if I missed anything!

Read part 1 here!!

You watched from your bed as the gentle wind blew your lace curtains further into your bedroom, the birds chirping as the early morning sun slowly rose, cascading a warm glow into your room, making you squint your sore eyes with a soft groan.

With the slow rise of the sun came the constant reminder that you’d spent yet another night without catching a wink of sleep, lying there as you allowed your thoughts to carry you to places you wished didn’t exist.

Places of your ex wife, the bitter taste of your marriage still lingering on your tongue, reminding you of everything that could have been, everything that was lost due to lust.

Places of Ellie, the person who stole your heart first. You think of everything that could have changed had you not gone to the city, how your life's outcome would have had such a great shift due to one tiny change within the line of events that made up who you were, and what you did with your life.

It all leaves the whole in your heart feeling bigger, wider, swallowing up so much of the tiny organ that it almost felt there was nothing left of it.

It had been only a few days since the last time you saw Ellie, and the memories of that night still lingering in you brain, hanging heavily in your mind, stopping you from focusing on anything but that.

Because as much it felt good to kiss her, you haven't even been divorced for a year, and the conflicting feelings that you had for Ellie, paired with the newfound distrust and heartbreak that came from your recent marriage caused a storm in your head, heavy clouds swirling about in the confides of your mind and making it heard to think, hard to breath.

It was all just too fucking hard.

But you knew life was different now. You weren't a teenage girl that could run from confrontations for her own comfort. You were a grown up now, experiencing grown up situations that called for grown up reactions. So you knew that you needed to talk to Ellie, no matter how much it hurt to even think about facing her right now.

You weren’t even entirely sure where to start. Texting her was an absolute no, despite how much easier it would be to confront her that way, behind a screen would do a great job at cushioning the blow that came with confronting Ellie. Calling fell under the same category, she deserved much more than a measly phone call from your end with the intention of patching things up.

Which left only one option. You had to see her in person.

You sighed softly as you sat up in your bed, looking over at your phone resting face down on your bedside table. You hadn’t touched it since that night, avoiding the device all together in fear that you’d see any messages or calls from the worried girl.

So you aren’t surprised when you finally pick it up to see just that. Ellie didn’t pry, there were about three phone calls and four messages, all of which came across far too understanding and supportive for someone that had been kicked out mid make out session a few nights prior.

You inhale deeply before you open up your messages with her, and begin typing.

Hi

I’m sorry I haven’t responded.

Are you busy today? Can we meet up? I feel we need to talk

You practically hold your breath until she responds, which doesn’t take a very long time because the minute you send your first message, she’s read it and already typing out her message back.

Hey, don’t apologize. I was just worried about you

Ofc we can meet. Farmers market is opened today, you wanna check it out?

You don’t even realize it, but her messages are making you smile the second you read them out. Probably because of how easy Ellie makes things, how hard it is to make things awkward with someone as kind as she is.

That sounds great.

I’ll meet you there

Cool :)

Despite the small amount of anxiety that has alleviated when you’re finished texting her, you know this is only the beginning, the easy part of a conversation that will be much harder to have, much harder to explain when you aren’t even sure how to navigate your feelings as it is.

But there was no use in putting it off any further, so you’re quick to get out of bed, brush your teeth, haul on a pair of old blue jeans and an old band t-shirt and make your way out to your car to meet Ellie in town.

It’s almost impossible to have a sour mood in a place as magical as your little town. The moment you got into your car, the warm sun soaking into your skin made you take a deep breath, allowing yourself to clear your head for a second before making your way out into town.

Your mom was right, the sun can cure more than you thought.

You hadn’t even realized it was Sunday, which meant it was your towns tradition to hold the farmers market in the town center. You used to look forward to it so much as a kid, knowing it would bring out the best of the people that lived here, showcasing the talent every person had.

Some people sold clothes that they made by hand, pieces that could only be made with love and care, something you often missed seeing in the city. Others sold jewelry, so delicately crafted it was almost unbelievable that someone was able to create something like it.

But your favorite? Was the food. Different pastries baked by the hands of men and women, recipes passed on from generation to generation to continue to breath life into the traditions that made up your town, tying one another together with a single cake or pie.

It was almost like magic.

You catch yourself smiling as you walk down the strip of stands already getting into their sales. Your heart warms at the sight of familiar faces, aged but still happy. You notice new ones as well, like when you approach a stand you remember being up when you were kid, one of which sold your favorite sweet rolls.

Your attention is far too occupied with chatting up the familiar curly haired girl at the stand, the same one that your visit when you were a teenager, eager to her mothers famous pastures. You’re surprised to see that there’s now a baby on her hip sporting the same head of spiral chocolate brown locks sprouting from her head, giggling and kicking excitedly as you introduce yourself, grabbing the babies hands as you catch your with her mom.

Ellie had arrived not long after you, standing nearby as she smiles fondly at the way the baby quickly becomes enamored with you. Watching you play with kids was something that always made her heart flutter with joy.

You giggle softly as she hands you both pastries, giving her a nod as she begs you to come visit her and the sweet baby more often. You hum softly as you struggle to push both your receipt and your phone back into your purse, groaning softly to yourself as you fail to notice the sudden looming presence that falls over the, gentle hands opening your bag wider as they aid you in putting everything away.

“Here, lemme help you” Ellie breaths out gently, her voice alone making you freeze as your eyes trail to her body to land on her face that was suddenly very close to yours.

She chuckles when she notices you staring up at her with wide eyes, nodding her head down to your bag.

“Come on now, would hate to make you drop those” she hums as she mentions the pastries in your other hand. You blink a few times before you clear your throat, giving a quick nod before you push your things into your bag with her help.

“Fuck…sorry…I…um…” you struggle to speak, adjusting your bag on your shoulders as you watch the girl step back with a soft smile.

“No worries, you alright?” She questions, neck craning down a bit to get a good look at you, her own big green eyes staring into yours, making it hard to breath.

God, this was going to be much harder than you thought.

You inhaled deeply, opening your mouth to speak before closing it, looking down at the sweet rolls in your hand before outstretching your arm to hand one to her.

“I bought this for you…I figured you hadn’t eaten yet so…” you mumble out softly, watching as she stared at you for a moment before looking down at the perfectly packaged baked good in your hand.

Her heart warming at the mere thought of you thinking of her in that way.

She smiles softly before she nods, placing her hand on the small of your back as she began guiding you out of the small strip of stands.

“So sweet of you…c’mon, there’s some places to sit right up this way” she suggests, giving you a small reassuring smile as she leads you there.

Somehow it seems perfect. The sun, the birds chirping, the little shady spot that Ellie leads you over to, covered by the biggest tree with the prettiest flowers slowly drifting down from above. It’s truly something out of a dream….

It made you wish this was all a dream.

You let out a soft sigh as you sit opposite of Ellie on the wooden bench, your fingers toying with the paper the pastry in front of you is wrapped in. Ellie frowns as she watches you closely, knowing the expression far too well. She could see just how much you were in your own head, how the events you two shared prior lingered in your mind, making it hard to focus on anything.

You couldn’t even look at her, and she hated that.

She inhaled deeply before she reached a hand out, gently placing it atop yours.

“I hope you didn’t bring me out here to apologize…because you don’t have to” her words are soft, and sweet, and it makes your throat get tight because she shouldn’t be so kind to you after what you did, after the way you treated her.

You don’t respond, so she takes the opportunity to keep talking.

“I get that things are probably hard…and I shouldn’t even have kissed you that night…so I’m sorry” she tries again, and you scoff softly before shaking your head.

“Don’t…don’t apologize” you mumble out before you inhale deeply, finally looking up, only not at her, at the scenery around you both.

“I caught her in our bed, with some girl she worked with” you mumble out softly, fingers mindlessly running along the rough surface of the wooden table.

“I probably should have seen it coming….but I think I wanted things to work out so badly that I just ignored it” you shrug slightly as you explain before you finally look over at Ellie, who’s already staring intently as she listens to you.

“Ellie I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, or to think that I’m using my divorce as an excuse for what I did, for what happened between us….but I just need you to know that I’m hurting, and it’s just….hard for me to open myself up to something like that again after what happened” your voice breaks as your emotions threaten to give you away, chin wobbling as tears pool in your eyes.

But you don’t let them flow free. You don’t want to cry anymore, not over this.

“I…I just need time….” You silently beg, beg for her to understand what it is you’re going through, what it is you’re experiencing.

It scares you when she doesn’t answer right away, her green eyes scanning your face as she takes it all in. It’s a lot, and you know that, but there’s a tiny part of you that begs for Ellie to do what she does best, which is tell you exactly what you need to hear.

She blinks a few times before giving you a nod, paired with a soft smile. “You don’t even have to ask….you know I’d understand no matter what”

You inhale deeply as you watch her, her gentle eyes, her soft smile telling you that all would be fine. It make your stomach churn because you feel like you don’t deserve it, you feel like she deserves so much more than what you’re giving her.

You two haven’t even addressed what actually happened that night.

There’s nothing more to do than to simply smile back at her. It’s weak, and it isn’t much, but it’s all you can mange right now.

Ellie smiles softly at you before she looks down at the rolls in front of you both. “As good of a baker that Mary Beth is….i think we need some real food” Ellie hums out softly before she swings her leg over the bench to get up, nodding her head towards a small diner nearby.

“Come on. Let’s get something to eat” she suggests, holding her hand out for yours.

She notices the way your eyes linger on her calloused hand, unsure of whether or not you should take it, unsure of what signals it would send if you did.

You were unsure of everything. Unsure of Ellie, yourself, your own feelings. Nothing felt solid enough to trust, and you hated that someone like Ellie could make you feel that way, even though you knew that it wasn’t her that was making you feel that way, but rather what happened to you instead.

She can see it, she can see right through you and for a moment her frown mimics yours before she it turns into a soft smile.

“As friends” she affirms gently.

She sees a flash of something ripple through your eyes at this when you finally look up at her, something she doesn’t want to read too much into, something that she knows she can’t dive into for your own comfort, and perhaps even hers too.

A moment passes before you crack a weak smile, placing your hand into hers before you nod. “Yeah…as friends” you manage to make out weakly before grabbing the things off the table, shoving them into your bag and leaning into Ellie’s warmth as she guides you to the diner.

Ignoring the bitter taste left on your tongue at the way Ellie assured you that she was your friend, and nothing more.

Your mind was in absolute shambles.

It had been a few weeks since the farmers market with Ellie, and truthfully all had been well between the two of you. You both ate together, talked, laughed, you were even able to talk about your divorce, explaining to Ellie how you felt, what it had done to you, and she listened to it all, nodding along to your words, giving you the advice you didn’t want to hear, but very much needed. For a moment it was easy to forget all about the tension that had settled between you both, the thoughts that plagued you were finally silenced as you allowed yourself to just simply be.

That was until you got home.

The second you were in your bedroom, lying there, staring up at the ceiling, memories of that night began to flood into your mind. You could feel it all so clearly, Ellie’s hands on your body, her lips pressed against your mouth, gasping for air, her tongue sliding against your own. Her words echoed throughout your mind, desperate pants and moans of how she needed you, of how you needed her.

You couldn’t sleep a wink.

It felt as though you hadn’t even talked to her, as if things hadn’t glossed over to where they were okay, a point where things were fine between you both. They were, but the feelings you had were still there. You thought that if you had at least talked to Ellie, explained to her what you were feeling, it would give you a head start on where to go with sorting out your own feelings.

None of that ever came.

Your body yearned for a moment of peace from the issues at hand, you wanted to feel the same way you felt when you were sat at the diner with Ellie, her laugh and her sparkling smile distracting you from the things you were feeling.

But you knew you couldn’t turn to her for a distraction, you couldn’t use her to occupy your mind from facing things that you’d much rather ignore. That wasn’t fair to her and it would only hurt you further in the long run, lengthen the grieving process of the death of your marriage.

You couldn’t do that to Ellie.

You could however, go somewhere that you knew would clear your mind the moment you were there.

The low hum of your car engine shuts off as you pull up to the familiar clearing, a gentle smile on your face as you can already hear the gentle stream of the water the moment you’re stepping out of the car.

The old creek was one everyone in your town treasured, a tiny glimpse of paradise in the confides of your backyard. It was where all the seniors would go for senior skip day, and where families would visit to spend the day with their children. If there was any place that the people of your town would be during the summertime, it would be the creek.

And rightfully so, the waters sparkled like nothing you’d ever seen before, the shady trees hiding the spot away like a secret that belonged to you and only you. You had many fond memories of the place, ones with your family, your siblings, your old friends from school.

Ellie.

You and her would visit the spot any chance you got, diving into the cold water the moment you were there. You could recall the moment you two first found out, thinking it was a secret only you two shared, just to find out your parents had been visiting when they were your age as well.

Regardless of the fact that it didn’t belong to you two, it felt like it. A small piece of the world that you and Ellie could call your own, sharing secrets there with one another, Ellie pushing you off the old swing tied up to one of the trees before she swung in soon after, diving in and holding you close to her chest as she promised you’d be together forever, for as long as you both lived.

The intensity that you both shared as teenagers often made you laugh. What a silly thing for two teenage girls to say who have barely experienced the world out there.

You let out a gentle sigh as you rugged off your denim shorts after setting your spot up. A small blanket settled down with your bag, your old camera and a few books, clearly having every intention of staying the entire day, swimming to your hearts content.

Once you’re stripped of your clothes, your body only clad in your old bathing suit, you waste no time in making your way down to the water, shivering slightly once your toes hit the cold water, wiggling them in the process.

You’re convinced swimming in the small body of water has to have some sort of mystical healing properties, because the moment you’re diving your head under, eyes examining the aquamarine world that is below the surface, your mind is clear. It makes you feel like you could live there, swimming amongst the different underwater caverns and the fish, creating a whole new world below as the little mermaid you always dreamed to be.

Your mother always told you she thought she’d given birth to a little fish when your father first took you swimming.

It’s so easy to lose track of time when you’re like this, floating around in the water, letting its coldness wrap you up and swallow you whole. It’s almost comforting how quiet it is, the only sounds being the gentle stream of the water, the wind rustling against the tree leaves and the frequent sound of the birds chirping to let you know that you weren’t alone, letting you know they were there with you.

You don’t even realize it but you’ve spent hours swimming about in the small pond, the grumbling in your stomach finally stops you for a moment to actually think about anything other than swimming, forcing you out to lay out onto your blanket and dry in the sun, occasionally popping the sweet berries into your mouth you’d brought from home.

The book you’ve brought with you also silences the outside world, allowing you to flip from page to page without thinking of anything but the regal characters that seemingly had much more to worry about than you. What a world it would be to wear uncomfortable dresses and attend balls in the hopes you’d find the perfect husband.

What would they think of your divorce?

It makes you snort to yourself, a gentle hum leaving your lips as you flip another page, unaware of the sudden sound of feet crunching against the grass slowly approaching you.

The high pitched sound of your name being called rips your attention away from your book, furrowing your eyebrows a bit as you cup your hand above your eyes to shield from the sun, trying to get a good look at who it was that was disturbing your peace.

“I didn’t think I’d be seein’ you here! What a surprise!” Lilac chirps out, her curly hair tied up into a perfectly styled bun, tight coils framing her face as she clutches her towel to her chest.

You hadn’t seen her since the night Ellie took you out to the Copper Cat a few weeks ago, the girl not lingering on your mind much as you had much bigger fish to fry. You were honestly a bit shocked that she’d even remembered your name.

You give her a gentle smile as you sit up, your legs folding to cross one another as you give her a small smile.

“Good to see you Lilac….going for a swim?” You ask her, watching as the girl takes the spot right next to yours, her blanket fitting perfectly up against your own as she gives you a confident nod.

“Mhm! It’s too hot…bless Ellie’s heart for sharin’ this place with me. Don’t know what I’d do without it” she chirps out as she tugs her own denim shorts off, leaning her in the cutest little bikini.

You know she doesn’t mean it in the way that it sounds, bragging about being introduced to the small clearing by your ex girlfriend, and you knew that it was only in due time that this place was mentioned to her by someone in your town, making sense that Ellie would do it first since that’s just the kind of girl Ellie was.

But there’s just something that tugs at your heart at the thought of it all. Ellie mentioning this place to her, the two of them coming down together, alone, Lilac adorned in another one of those adorable bikinis she had to show off to Ellie her gorgeous body as they play in the water together.

Something about Ellie sharing the spot you two shared with someone else that just rubbed you the wrong way.

You inhale deeply, trying to calm your nerves as you remember that this girl owes you nothing, Ellie owes you nothing and Lilac has been nothing but kind to you from the moment she met you.

Giving her a gentle smile as she settles down next to you, you nod. “It’s pretty great out here…I’m surprised it isn’t so packed. Seems we got lucky” you give her a nod before you sigh, turning your attention back to your book.

She smiles fondly as she watches you turn your attention back to your book, her neck craning down a bit to get a good look at the cover, gasping softly once she realized what it was you were reading.

“You read those too? I love them! I just finished the first two” she beams, a soft hum leaving your lips as you look up at the girl, raising your eyebrows at her comment.

“Really? Most people think they’re super corny” you pout softly as you turn the book over to look at the cliche cover, which only earns a firm head shake from Lilac.

“Honey I’m a hopeless romantic, I daydream more than I actually try talking to people” she giggles out softly, giving you a gentle shrug.

Her words make you chuckle softly, gently closing your book as you toss it to the side before sitting up to mirror her posture, crossing your legs as you suddenly give her your full attention.

“You’re a hopeless romantic? But…Lilac you’re gorgeous. I wouldn’t be shocked if you have every single guy here desperate to get a chance with you” you confess, which only makes her shake her head as she gives you a shy smile, gently shoving your knee.

“Don’t you dare! I’m awful at talking to people” she pouts out, her eyes dropping from her own as she stares down at the flowers on her blanket, delicate fingers tracing the patterns gently as she lets out a gentle sigh.

“If I’m being honest…it’s not the guys here that I want…” her words trail off softly, and it makes you pout softly as you eye the girl, seeing how whatever is on her mind is clearly bothering her, plaguing the girl just as much as what was on your mind.

You open your mouth to ask her about it, feeling bad about whatever she was going through, but she’s quick to shake her head and put on a bright smile once she looks back into your eyes. “But let’s not get into that! M’glad you’re here to join me today” she breaths out, her voice sweet and genuine as her eyes soften.

And it makes your heart rate finally slow down, seeing just how genuine the girl seemed, how happy she was to be there with you regardless of the fact that you were as good as a stranger to her than anything more.

You smile softly as you nod, leaning forward and placing your hand on hers, giving a gentle squeeze. “Don’t mention it, Lilac” you hum out softly.

If there was anything you didn’t expect to do today, it was to have made a new friend, especially one in Lilac. The two of you spent the entire day down at the creek, laughing together, swimming together. The more time you spent with her, the more you realized just how much in common the both of you had.

Being completely honest with yourself, she had more kindness in her pinky than anyone in the city ever did.

The sun has set, and the breeze blew against your warm skin as you leaned against your car, Lilac in front of you as she made yet another joke that had you throwing your head back as you let out a loud laugh.

“Stop I feel the same way! I always wondered what happened to him” you gasp out, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear as you lean back to shove your back into the passenger seat of your car. Lilac giggles softly as she nods, her arms crossed over her chest as she swatted away the mosquitos slowly began to swarm around you both.

“He’s still an idiot, some people never change I fear” she groaned out, a prominent pout on her perfect lips before she cocked her head to the side, smiling fondly at you.

“Ellie was right about you, you know? You really are somethin’ special” she breaths out, and it has your eyes going wide at the mention of the girl. It makes you realize that you hadn’t thought about her all day, not since Lilac had joined you.

It makes you wonder what other things Ellie had said about you.

You whine softly as you bring your hand forward to nudge her playfully. “Shut up….you’ll blow my head up” you warn the girl playfully before you sigh softly, looking over at the sun that was slowly bur surly setting, the once warm glow that casted onto you both disappearing.

“Ahh I should get going…we shouldn’t be on the roads too late” you breath out softly, turning towards the girl and giving her a small smile, only to see a sad one on her face.

You frown softly as you watch her, leaning forward and giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “Hey? You okay?” You ask gently, suddenly worried about the girls shift in her mood.

She lets out a gentle sigh before she looks down at her feet, kicking around the gravel below before she lets out a soft hum. “I know we don’t know each other well…but…I feel like you’ll be my only help with this” she admits to you, her eyes still casted downwards before you assure her with a soft voice. “Of course you can..” you mumble out softly.

She finally looks up at you, taking a deep inhale before she gives you a half smile. “I…think I like Ellie” she breaths out, as if she’d been keeping it held in for so long, as if finally telling you was letting a weight off of her shoulders.

Letting it off of hers and slamming it down onto yours.

You find it hard to breathe, because suddenly you’re shot back to the first night you met Lilac at the Copper Cat. Ellie’s hand on her waist, hers on Ellie’s arm as she whispers in her ear, the two of them matching one another far more than you felt you could’ve ever matched Ellie. You feel threatened, and it sets a fire off in your chest, and you feel like the world is crumbling around you as this beautiful girl admits her innocent feelings for your ex girlfriend.

When you don’t speak, she continues.

“And I just…you and her are so close, so I was hoping maybe you could give me some advice? Should I go for it? Do you…think she’d like me back?” She asks hopefully, twiddling with her fingers nervously as she watches you closely, awaiting your response.

You stare are her blankly, your body working on autopilot as you try to work your way through this. Seeing her that night felt like it might’ve all been in your head, especially when Ellie ran out after you and left the moment you were ready, but now this is all real. This is Lilac confirming that what you felt was real, and this was the reality of coming back to your hometown, more specifically your ex girlfriend.

And as you stand there, trying to figure out what the hell to say to this girl, you can only see someone doing the same thing that you’re doing. She’s a young girl, looking for love in this crazy fucked up world, and she’s unsure of herself. Someone as beautiful as her is unsure of herself and you could only wish that someone would have guided you when you were pursuing your ex wife, a third party bystander giving their advice and helping you through it all.

Because as much as it kills you? Ellie deserves love, and so does Lilac, and if they find it in one another, who the hell are you to take that away from them.

The both of them owe you nothing.

You inhale deeply before giving her a soft smile, nodding as you reach out to give her arm a gentle, assuring squeeze. “I think Ellie would be thrilled to be with someone like you, Lilac….you should go for it” you breath out genuinely, watching as the girls face lights up with joy with your confirmation, an excited squeal leaving her lips.

“I was hoping you’d say that! You’re an angel” she squeals, reaching forward and grabbing you up into her arms as she gives you a tight hug, swaying back and forth as she tucks her chin into your shoulder.

You can practically feel the happiness radiating off of her.

You smile softly as you nod, wrapping your hands around her as you hug her back before you hum. “You didn’t need me…you’ll be great on your own” you assure her before you pull away, giving her a reassuring nod.

She smiles brightly as she nods before she lets out a loud sigh. “Right…get home safe, alright? And text me! We can hang out sometime this week” she sings out as she gets into her car, giving you a wave as she begins pulling off.

And suddenly you’re left there all alone, with the newfound thoughts that are swirling about in your head. You know already that you won’t be able to sleep, not with the mental image of the two of them dancing around in your mind, forcing you to face reality, face the facts that time moves on with or without you.

But you were tired of being left behind, you were tired of being the last one to know things, the one broken heart in a sea of mended ones.

Driving off in your car from the creek gives you time to think, the cool breeze kissing your skin, pushing your hair back as the radio plays your favorite songs, creating somewhat of a perfect scenario to think things over rather than running from them.

While it all hurts, you know that there’s no use in standing in the way of Lilac or Ellie or whoever for that matter. Life would continue moving, and in that meant new love would be found, for both you and Ellie, it just felt like that wouldn’t happen for you in the moment, even if you knew it would.

But you were going to move on from this. And you were going to be fine, no matter how long it took for you to catch up with the tracks of life that seemingly always got the best of you.

There’s something therapeutic about hanging up the laundry on the old clothes line in your backyard.

You used to make fun of your mom all the time when she did it, telling her that there was a perfectly good dryer inside that would take less than half the time to dry the clothes than they did outside, not to mention less work when it came to picking them in.

However as you’ve grown older, there’s something so simple about walking outside with your basket on your hip, the gentle smell of detergent blowing into your direction as you pin up several articles of clothing, your white sheets, anything that you’ve washed, that tickles your brain in the best ways.

That, and the fact that these days you’ll take any task to fill your brain with thoughts other than Ellie or your ex wife.

Things had been fine. You spoke to Ellie here and there, dropped dinner off at Joel’s house that you knew he made sure she got some of whenever you made extra, you even made time for Lilac within the week as well. You’d picked up a small job in town as well, working at the cashier of a small floral shop that had been in town from you could remember.

So although your mind drifted to places you didn’t often like, life was fine. Life was slow, and life was good.

Lilac constantly gushed to you about Ellie, talking about all the progress they’d been making, asking your opinion on the girls behavior, which you always tried your best to help with. Although the strange thing about it all, was you heard nothing from Ellie about the situation. She didn’t mention anything about Lilac, not even when you brought it up.

It wasn’t long until you began distancing yourself from the both of them, knowing how hard it would be once they became official and you had to live life in a world where they were together.

Because although you were doing okay, the wound was still fresh, and you had to keep your peace.

You hummed a gentle tune softly as you continued hanging up your linen on the line, enjoying the feeling of the cool summer breeze against your skin, the dandelions dancing along through the air as they became loose from their stems.

The sound of your fence creaking open cuts right into your thoughts of housework, forcing you to turn around as you hang up another one of your sleep shirts, a soft smile on your lips when you catch sight of the familiar tall brunette walking into your backyard, both her hands shoved into the pockets of her denim jeans.

“Ellie…didn’t think you were coming over” you sigh out softly as you clip the end of your shirt up, continuing to hang up your clothes regardless of her being there.

“Was in the neighborhood….I thought I’d stop by” she breaths out, eyes taking in your form as you continue with your chore.

Her voice seems like something is bothering her, and you catch onto it the second she utters her first syllable. You know already why she’s here, to question you about your sudden absence, wondering if things were okay with you or not, worry clear in her tone.

“You…haven’t been around lately” she mumbles out, that same worried tone laced throughout her words.

It was just as you suspected.

You frown, thanking the task of laundry that hides your expression from her. It’s so much easier to lie to Ellie whenever you’re not looking into her eyes.

“Oh…I’ve just been uh…dealing with some stuff” you’re quick with the excuse, clearing your throat before you turn around to give her a soft smile. “I’m fine…honest” you give her your best attempt at a reassuring nod before you turn back to your laundry.

You have to turn away from her quickly, because you can see from the small glimpses you get of her that she’s frowning, and her brows are furrowed together with something that’s bothering her.

You hope she’ll leave after you tell her you’re fine.

But she doesn’t. You don’t hear her respond to your words, or even turn around silently to go about her day. You hear nothing behind you, only the sound of your white sheets wafting through the wind, drying on the line before you.

You frown when you look down to see your basket is empty, and the task of pinning up your clothes is no longer present to hide you away from Ellie.

So you need to get rid of her.

You inhale deeply, picking up the old basket and placing it on your hip, putting your most believable smile on your face before turning around, finally locking eyes onto the girl to see something that makes your heart sink.

It looks like she hasn’t slept, prominent bags under her pretty eyes, pouty pink lips chapped, most likely picked and bit at out of anxiety, a bad habit you knew she had whenever something was bothering her. Your heart tugs at the image, wanting nothing more than to pull the girl down into a hug, consoling her and telling her that whatever was bothering her, would be fine.

But you can’t. Because things aren’t the same anymore.

You inhale deeply before you nod your head towards your back door. “Well…I have lots to do inside…more house work…dinner” you explain, trying your best to hint at Ellie leaving without having to say so.

“Did I do something wrong?” She finally makes out, her words a clear plea to understand the situation rather than a half mumble that she’d rather not say.

It makes you furrow your eyebrows, watching the girl with a confused look as you try to understand her.

“Wrong? Ellie…I’ve barely seen you. What could you have possibly done wrong?” You try, confused of the sudden outburst from the girl.

Her eyes are stormy, hazy and hard to read. Her brows are knit as she looks down at the floor before looking back into your eyes, a prominent frown on her face.

“Why would you tell Lilac that there’s something worth looking for between her and I…why would you…” her words trail off, as if she wants to say more, as if she wants to persist with knowing why you would have done such a thing.

And soon it all starts making sense.

You wish Lilac wouldn’t have said anything. You wish she wouldn’t have told Ellie that you were the one that told her to go for it, even if she was the one that asked in the first place. You wish she would have just pursued Ellie without any mention of you, because was that even necessary? You know she must have done it to gush about you even further, the girl becoming enamored with you from the moment she saw you, and even more so once you two became closer.

But for the love of god…did she really have to tell Ellie that you were the one to tell her to go for it?

You open your mouth to speak before you sigh softly, your hands squeezing the handles of your clothes basket before you speak. “I….she spent the day down at the creek with me and when we were about to leave she told me she liked you…and she asked me if I thought she should pursue you” you explain with a shrug of your shoulders, which only makes Ellie scoff in disbelief.

“And you told her that was a good idea?” She argues back, as if it were the dumbest thing you could have ever done. She says it as if it were common knowledge to tell the girl other wise, you raise your eyebrows when she says this.

“Yeah? Why not? Lilac is…she’s fucking gorgeous Ellie. Anyone would be lucky to have her, and you should be happy I put you on with someone as great as her” you mumble out as you slip past the girl, clearly done with Ellie and this conversation as you walked up the wooden steps leading to your back door.

But Ellie isn’t finished with you, because she’s quick to follow behind, closing the door behind you as you make your way into your laundry room to set your basket down, your hands going to your hips once you turn around to see the girls built figure standing in your doorway.

“Ellie come on…I have things to do…you need to go” you huff out as you slip past her once again, going off into your living room to start on the dried laundry that needed to be folded, hoping that the girl would simply drop it and leave.

“You know I understood you the night after the show, and I was more than willing to give you all of the space you need, but this feels like you’re playing some sick joke on me” she’s standing over you now, watching as you try to ignore her in favor of some pillow cases that needed folding.

“Is pushing me into the arms of someone else your solution? And ignoring me until I’ve forgotten all about it? Is that the plan? Is that seriously what you think it’ll take to get rid of me?” She tries again, her voice pleading with you at this point as she watches you ignore her.

But this time you done, your hands drop to your lap as you stare up at her in disbelief before you toss the pillow case to the side, standing up opposite of her.

“I never had a plan! Lilac asked me a question and I was honest with her. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t be happy with someone else” you explain to her before you finally feel as though you’ve had enough, a huff of annoyance filling the silent air as you round the couch to slip away into the kitchen.

Before you’re fully there, Ellie’s voice is echoing off the walls.

“But I can’t be happy with someone else!” She shouts out, her arms flailing up inti the air before dropping down to her side, the sound of her palms slapping against her jeans before she sighs.

You stop dead in your tracks when you hear that one, your back still turned to her.

“How could I possibly be happy with anyone else when you’re all I fucking think about….” Her voice is tired, and it’s almost as if she’s begging you for something, something you are not capable of, something you cannot give.

Begging for you.

“From moment we had our first kiss….to the moment I said goodbye to you before you left for the city…I’ve only ever wanted you” you can hear her getting closer, slowly making her way towards you as you stand there at the edge of your kitchen, frozen, silent, unable to say anything to her as she confesses these things to you.

“It’s pathetic, and I’ve tried to suck it up for your sake because I know….you’re going through a tough time after that moron did what she did….but I can’t fucking hide anymore” she breaths out, and it sounds the same exact way that Lilac sounded when she admitted to you that she had feelings for Ellie those nights ago.

Your back is still turned to her, and you know she’s right behind you because her smell fills up your lungs and makes your eyes roll to the back of your head as you try to fight all of it back, everything that you’ve done, all that you’ve worked through from the moment you got home to get to the point that you were at currently.

But you feel all of it break the moment Ellie’s strong hand grips your shoulder gently, sighing softly as she speaks.

“Look at me….please angel…” she begs, her skin wafting onto your neck as she tries her best to fight the urge to grab you right then and there and kiss you.

When you finally turn around, her heart breaks, because the whites of your eyes are red, and there are heavy tears pooling at the edge of your eyes, making them sparkle in the warm light of your kitchen, looking so beautiful yet so tragic all in the same time.

Her chest tightens as she leans in to cup your cheek, fighting back the urge to groan as she inhales deeply. “I can’t…I don’t wanna pretend like I’m not still in love-“ you’re quick to cut her off, your tears spilling out onto her cheeks the moment you hear the word.

“Don’t…don’t say it” you warn her with shaky words, struggling to even speak with the burning sensation in your throat.

You don’t think you could handle it, hearing those words fall from someone’s lips again, the fear rising the moment they hang from Ellie’s, flashbacks of you’re wife at the alter, promising you everything and more before she kissed you and whispered in your ear that she loved you.

It’s scary, and it makes you feel terrified of Ellie.

Before she can carry on even further, trying her best to convince you that her words are true, silently begging you to hear her out as her wide green eyes stare down into yours, you’re cutting her off.

“I told you already Ellie…I’m not….i can’t do this again. I can’t give myself to someone like I did with her” your voice trembles as you explain, her vision blurring with tears as you try your best to swallow them all back.

She licks her lips as she stares down at you before she shakes her head. “I get it….I get that you’re hurting from what happened, but I can’t keep going on without you knowing anymore….” She starts to explain, both of her hands coming up to cup either side of your face, forcing you to look up at her.

“I’ve….god I’ve longed for you from the moment you left after high school. There was not a day that went by where I did not think of you for even a few seconds. And I’m sorry for what happened, and I understand if I’m just a childhood fling for you, but I’d rather you tell me that then try to push someone else onto me to distract me from what I’ve felt all these years” she rambles on, nearly stumbling over her words as they all bubble up to the surface, overflowing and dragging you down with her.

You open your mouth for a moment before closing it, looking far too similar to a fish out of water as you try to find the words to say. What are you even supposed to say? Are you supposed to lie to her? Tell her that you haven’t felt the same way? But now it’s different and it hurts to even try to envision yourself in a relationship with someone let alone pursue them? Even when it’s Ellie?

Your Ellie?

She watches as you struggle to speak, her eyes searching yours for even a sliver of hope that this will work, that her confession will bring you to a point where you can both meet, where things can be okay again.

And if they can’t? She needs to hear you say it out loud.

“Tell me you don’t feel the same” she deadpans, hands dropping from your face as any hope she might have had slowly drains out, fizzling out of her system as she watches you simply stare up at her, a mere shell of the girl she once knew.

“Tell me you don’t love me, and I’ll never bring this up again. We can move on from this and we can be friends. I promise” she breaths out, feeling the air slowly leaving her lungs, making it hard to breathe.

You feel the exact same way. You feel like the world has stopped around you both as images of your life swirls around your head.

There’s images of your ex wife, taking the privilege of love from you, ripping your heart out of your chest and walking away with it the moment she decided to cheat on you. It hurts, and it burns and it feels like something you’ll never recover from, something that leaves a wound so deep, that it will never grow the familiar leathery skin that it’s supposed to, creating a scar that acts as merely a memory for what happened, for what you endured.

And then there’s something sweeter in the corner, so small that if you pay enough attention to the hurt in your heart, you don’t even notice it.

It’s memories of Ellie. Sharing your first kiss with her, going to prom with her, spending late nights with her in your bedroom talking about the future, spending time with one another that will leave sweet memories in your mind till the day you die. It’s soft, and it’s easy and it makes your insides flutter with excitement at the mere thought of her by your side.

As you’re looking over all these parts of you, standing in your kitchen with Ellie and staring up into her eyes, you make a remarkable discovery.

You realize that if you try hard enough, the pain that comes from what your ex wife did doesn’t hurt as bad, long as you’re focusing on the feeling that Ellie gives you.

Because when you’re with Ellie, you feel nothing but love.

You lick your own lips as you stare up at her, inhaling deeply before you shake your head, feeling your throat burn with tears before you speak.

“I can’t do that….” Your words trail off for a moment before your eyes drift down to her strong hands, missing the feeling of her skin pressed against yours.

You slowly reach forward to take her tattooed hand into yours, your fingers dancing along the intricate details of the leaves on her wrist before you interlock your fingers, finally looking up at her as your eyes well up with tears for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

“Because I….feel the same way” you breath out, watching as her sage colored eyes glimmer with happiness, a gentle sigh of relief leaving her lips as she quickly moves her hand to cup your face, her other reaching down to hold onto your waist, pulling you close to her body.

“Jesus…c’mere” she practically moans out before she smashes her lips against yours in a passionate, love filled kiss.

You giggle softly, your hands wrapping around her wrist as you waste no time in kissing her back, arms coming up to loosely wrap around her neck as you press your chest against hers, reveling in the feeling of her lips pressed against your own.

You hummed a gentle tune to yourself as you mixed up the pitcher of lemonade, far too deep in thought to pay the bustling party behind you any mind.

One of your favorite parts about the summer time was the cookouts. There was something about nearly the entire town coming together at someone’s house, enjoying the warm weather, the bright sun and good food, that made your heart burst with excitement.

You were just about ready to make your way to your backyard with the others, when you felt a firm hand sliding against your waist, smoothing down over the fabric of your flower sun dress and pulling you into their chest.

“Don’t you think we have enough drinks baby?” Ellie hums out softly, pressing her lips against the base of your neck, making you giggle softly as you lean into her.

“It’s almost 100 degrees outside, Ellie…I don’t think too many things to drink is even a possibility” you explain before you turn around in her arms, smiling softly at the firm as you wrap your arms around her neck, leaning in to press a kiss to the corner of her lips.

“Aren’t you supposed to be on the grill? You better not burn all that food I bought” you playfully pinch her shoulder, which only makes her groan softly.

“It’s too hotttt….wanna be inside with you” she whines out, resting her head against your shoulder as she gently sways with you in the kitchen.

You hum as you nod, your fingers toying with the short hair at the nape of her neck. “I know baby….but your father will be very upset if he doesn’t have at least one beer with you…come on pretty girl” you hum out to her softly, your hands sliding down to hold her around her middle before giving her a gentle pinch near her ribs, which makes her yelp out as she pulls away, a prominent pout on her sun burnt, freckled face.

“Fine…but come out with me” she huffs out, leaning in to give your forehead a kiss before she makes her way outside, making you giggle softly.

You sigh softly to yourself, placing the lemonade on a small tray paired with some already filled red solo cups, and a few empty ones on the side that you knew would be getting filled up shortly after you brought them out. You had to move slowly with how full they were, groaning softly to yourself as you tried your best to not let them fall as you tried making your way through the crowd of people in your home.

“Oh honey let me help you with that!” You hear Lilac chirp out as she quickly comes behind you, pressing her hands against your waist before taking the heavy pitcher off of the tray, making you sigh in relief once you saw the girl.

“There you are! I was starting to think you wouldn’t show…” you pout out, smiling softly as the girl leaned in to press a friendly kiss to your cheek, which you were quick to lean into as well.

She giggled softly as she groaned. “Did you know that this party of yours is causin’ traffic out there?? Everyone’s dying to come, I almost ran out with the rollers still in my hair” she explains, making you giggle softly as she opened up your back door for you.

After everything happened with you and Ellie, you were terrified of what would happen with Lilac. You felt like you’d robbed the girl of something she wanted without even trying, even after being the one to tell her to go for it! Even after Ellie assured you time and time again that Lilac was always one to get innocent crushes on everyone, and that she’d get over it in no time, you were still scared that you’d lose the girl as a friend after just making her one.

You were quickly proven wrong when you met her in town a few days after, texting her and letting her know you had something to tell her. Instead of her being upset about you and Ellie, Lilac was thrilled. She grabbed you and hugged you, and told you that she even wanted to celebrate with you and Ellie, explaining that her crush was as innocent as could be.

And before you could even realize, Lilac had become your best friend.

You giggle softly as the children practically jumped you once they saw the tall pitcher of ice cold lemonade, frantically grabbing the cups and chugging them down before running off to play in the sun.

Catching sight of Ellie with her father and a few of her coworkers makes your heart flutter, and you decide to fill up a few more cups of the cold drink as you make your way over to them, a soft smile on your face.

“Lemonade anyone?” You chirp out softly, all of them taking them gladly before Ellie slung her arm around your waist, pulling you into her side as she pressed a kiss to the side of your head, carrying on with her conversation.

You don’t miss the way Joel smiles fondly at the two of you over the edge of his cup.

And later that night, when everyone’s left and the house is cleaned up, you lay with Ellie in your bed, the cool breeze blowing in through your windows, your bedroom illuminated by the white light of the moon.

You’re tucked away into Ellie’s side, your thigh hooked over her body, one of her hands rubbing along your skin and massaging your leg, the other looped around your shoulder as you stare up at her lovingly, your hand dancing along her t shirt clad chest.

“Did you have fun today?” You question softly, which earns a gentle smile from the girl before she looks down at you, giving you a slight nod.

“The best time baby….haven’t seen so many people gathered around for a party in a long time…you did good angel” she breaths out before she leans down, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek, which makes you smile warmly.

But the warmth doesn’t just settle in your cheeks.

A simple kiss from your girlfriend makes it travel down your body. It warms your throat, your chest, your stomach, traveling all the way down until it settles right in between your legs, making you clear your throat to bite back a whimper.

Ellie frowns softly when she notices this, pulling away to look down at you as she continues massaging your thigh. “Something wrong princess?” She questions, slight concern lacing her tone as she watches you with furrowed brows, her expression clear in the light of the moon.

When you and Ellie first started being romantic again, she promised you she’d take things slow. Your relationship only went far as kissing, a few gropes here and there, but nothing further than a steamy make out session that ended once Ellie tapped your thighs and forced you off of her lap, fearing that she was pushing you too far.

At first it was extremely considerate of her. It was true, intimacy was a bit hard for you at first, somehow thinking of your failed relationship every time you tried, blaming your self for not pleasing your wife enough.

But as time went on, those thoughts were virtually silenced. You didn’t even have the capacity to think of anything but Ellie when her tongue was down your throat, the feeling of her big hands on your body, and her toned thighs pressed between your legs.

So now…God…you needed her more than anything.

You were almost embarrassed to even say it, but it was getting to a point that anything Ellie did was setting you into a frenzy. Just today, her toned arms in here wife pleaser and her denim jeans made your head spin, and your panties cling to your needy core.

Her frown deepened when you didn’t answer, the girl turning over a bit to better face you before her hand came up to cup your cheek. “Baby? What’s the matter?” She questions once again.

You finally let out a soft sigh, eyes fluttering shut as you reach up to grab her wrist gently, keeping her close as you avoid looking into her eyes.

“I….need you Ellie…need you so bad” you sigh out softly, voice barely above a whisper.

Her frown only deepens further as she stares at you down in confusion. “Need me? But angel I’m right-“ her words are cut off when she feels your grip on her wrist tighten, and your thigh hikes up her body further, pressing your core against her side.

Her eyes widen in realization.

“Fuck…” she breaths out, watches as your eyes flutter open to stare into her own, yours filled with want and need as your other hand moves down to hold onto her exposed hip gently.

“Are you sure baby? We can…fuck…we don’t have to…” she struggles to get out, eyes glued to yours as she watches you.

You shake your head before you gently pry her hand from your face, bringing her fingers down to press against your lips before you sigh. “I’ve thought about you every day since I’ve left Ellie…of course I’m sure…” you sigh out softly before you open your mouth, taking her pointer and middle finger into your mouth as you slowly suck them in, moaning around them.

Ellie lets out a soft moan as she watches you, feeling her own clit pulse against her underwear as she quickly grows warm with a need similar to yours.

“That’s my girl…fuck….been needy huh?” She moans out, making you nod before you roll over to straddle her, her other hand coming down to grip your hip softly, massaging your skin through the fabric of her own t shirt draped over your body.

You let go of her fingers with a pop before you stare down at her, a soft smile on your face as you move down to press your lips against hers, wasting no time in pushing your tongue into her mouth.

The kiss is slow, and sensual and dirty and it’s everything you’ve wanted and needed since your divorce. It’s nothing like kissing your ex wife, but it’s everything like kissing Ellie. The noises she makes has your head spinning, and it forces you to roll your hips down onto her, which makes her moan even louder into your mouth.

“Fuck…want you to…wanna feel your pussy on mine baby…can you do that for me?” She questions out desperately, her hands roaming your body, pushing her t shirt up on your to reveal your tits.

Ellie had it all planned out. She wanted it to be romantic, she wanted to take things slow and show you just how much she loved you, just how serious she was about you. She wanted you to feel loved.

Oh did her plans not go as planned, but oh how you felt so fucking loved.

You nod eagerly, sitting up and tugging the t shirt off, tossing it somewhere in your room. Ellie moans loudly at the sight of you above her, hands reaching up and cupping either one of your boobs, pinching and rolling your nipples between her fingers.

Once she’s had her fun, you climb off of her for a moment, tugging off her panties, giving her time to tug her sleep shorts off as well, leaving you naked and her bottom half bare. She’s feverishly tugging you back onto her lap, allowing you to tug her t shirt off.

And the feeling of your bare chest pressed against hers makes you moan loudly, your lips coming down again to press a needy kiss to hers, filled with tongue and teeth as you both situate yourselves.

The moment comes quickly, your legs slotted between hers perfectly, pussy right on top of hers as she stares up at you with low, hazy eyes, strong hands gripping your thighs and your ass as you slowly began rolling your hips so that your throbbing clit bumps against hers, making the girl beneath you moan loudly as her back arches and her eyes flutter shut.

“F-fuck! Oh my….fuuuuckkkk…that’s it baby…fuck yourself down onto my pussy…oh my….ha-fuck” she moans out, voice going hoarse as her strong fingers press firmly into your skin, sure to leave marks in the morning.

Your moans mix with hers, paired with the sound of your sopping wet pussies sliding against one another, a symphony of erotic love making that has been a long time coming. It’s like the two of you let out every raw emotion that had been bottled up for all those years you spent apart, her longing, your hurt, it all mixes together to create something of a beautiful love song that belongs to the two of you, and no one else.

“Ellieee…fuck! Feels…feels so good..” you moan out, picking up the pace as you feel your orgasm growing closer and closer by the second, your bed creaking with every thrust of your hips.

Ellie can’t take it anymore, moving to sit up as she grips both of your hips, aiding you in riding her pussy faster before she gives you an encouraging nod. “Come on baby…cum with me, yeah?” She sighs out breathlessly, staring up into your eyes passionately as she feels her own orgasm growing closer.

You wrap your arms around her shoulders, keeping her closer as you moan and whine, eyebrows furrowing with pleasure as you struggle to make it there, struggle to not let the pleasure get the best of you.

Your heart feels like it’ll just burst.

“I…mmm…fuck….Ellie I love you…I love you so much…” you moan out, eyes fluttering shut as you feel right on the brink of your orgasm.

“That’s my fucking girl…I love you so much baby…more than you’ll ever know…” she moans out to you.

And suddenly, you see colors.

Your chest feels like you’ve been struck by lightening, struggling to even stay upright as your orgasm ripples through your body violently, your forehead resting against Ellie’s as your arousal mixes with hers, both of your orgasms so intense, so powerful, it feels like it’ll kill you both right then and there.

The come down is hard, because it’s almost sorrowful to no longer feel the amazing feeling that comes with making love to Ellie, but the feeling of her strong arms wrapping around your middle and keeping you close is almost better, her lips pressing against your collar bones and chest as you both breath hard, the room silent compared to the noise that once filled it.

She holds you there the entire time, whispering how much she loves you, promising you that she’ll give you everything you could ever want and need.

And while you’ve heard all of that before, just for it to end in shit….

You believe her, because this time? It’ll be different.

[kiteblue42]

Part 3 of what the heck is happening with Mobius anyway?

S2e4- the one where everyone dies and Sylvie hates key lime pie

A very very busy episode with not much time for character work (and a lot of characters to work on too!). We have to rely heavily on what others say about Mobius and body language for this one.

Mobius & teamwork

Previously we have seen Mobius excel at the case work side of his job and we see a little of this here when he works out Victor Timely is in danger at the chocolate machine. But what’s more noticeable this episode is that part of Mobius that enables others to do their jobs - the person in the team keeping it glued together. Examples: calming Victor down at the start, encouraging OB & Casey, even just all the jokes and banter. This is the sort of person that keeps a team together when morale is low. The sort of person that notices if one of the team is troubled by something and tries to fix it - small point noticing Timely wants to go for cocoa and sorting it out. Ever worked in a high pressure environment and you’ll know these sorts of people are what keep the place going. A positive sign for me is that Mobius still kept up his positive attitude even after Sylvie’s rant. On the other hand there is no one keeping an eye on Mobius in the same way he keeps an eye on the team.

Mobius & Sylvie

Ok so this was uncomfortable viewing (not as bad as some of the horror scene ofc!) If you only watch it once it might not be so obvious but once Sylvie starts her rant Mobius is completely silent. (As ever with shout-y and accusatory people what they say probably tells you more about themselves than the person they are targeting it follows that it would be easier to use this little performance to tell us more about Sylvie than Mobius). So everything we get here re Mobius has to come from his body language - very on brand again.

(1) Mobius wasn’t expecting to be attacked. In fact (as above) suggesting they go for a treat break is exactly how he operates and raises morale in the tva team. This is usually well received and understood so at first he just looks slightly stunned & puzzled.

(2) Mobius feelings about “his past life” are very private. When Sylvie talks about the timeline he goes very still and looks down. We know he is sensitive about this because of s2e2 - and we (& Loki) know why but Sylvie doesn’t. So here Mobius looks away to hide.

(3) Mobius does care about the timeline deaths - and isn’t hiding from that. When Sylvie accuses him of not caring about the timeline he meets her gaze again and shakes his head. We (& Loki) know he does care about this as we saw this at the close of S2e2.

(4) Mobius hoped Loki would support him but isn’t surprised when he doesn’t. Sylvie then storms off and Mobius exchanges that first shocked baffled look with Loki. This is followed by Loki walking past him with one glance and not saying anything. Mobius looks down then up to the light and sighs almost with a roll of his eyes - like that hurt but I should have expected it. Later when Loki and Sylvie appear at he scene of D90’s pruning he greets them both with a pretty dark look.

Dox & Mobius

The most ominous piece of mirroring is Dox & Mobius. Dox is a TVA general “true believer” who has just (really this episode) had the realisation everything they did was wrong (speech to Renslayer - now I see the bigger picture etc). We know from s1.e1&2 that Mobius was a true believer too (the jet ski magazine - it reminds me what we are fighting for etc). Mobius says nothing in Sylvie rant scene - and it ends with Mobius sigh, eyes to heaven and head roll with X5s voice over (to Dox) “are you going to say anything?” It cuts to Dox who makes exactly the same eyes cast up then down and head roll body language mirroring Mobius. Dox also does not reply. Dox eventually choses to let Renslayer kill her and her team as she sees no future for them - either in the timeline or the TVA.

Loki comments on Mobius

I’ve said elsewhere (re S2e2) that Loki handles Mobius well - when he’s paying attention - but I’d say here his attention is not on Mobius but Sylvie- and he handled exit from the Sylvie rant badly. It also seems to indicate an expectation that Mobius will understand and roll with it. Nonetheless Loki does lead into his conversation with Sylvie by raising Mobius. Loki is careful what he says here and I think it is a sign that he knows that Mobius would not want him sharing any private information. What he says is interesting “he’s just trying to see in the dark like the rest of us.”

Because Mobius makes light of the situation very few people realise he is in a dark place but Loki recognises this. On a hopeful note (the rest of the conversation is about hope) Loki also reuses the “broken things” line from s1e2. Renslayer tells Mobius he has a “soft spot for broken things” and Loki says “Trying to fix what’s broken is hard”. So we know that (1) Mobius MO is to fix broken things - (2) something that is hard to do. A hopeful note follows then - Mobius is practiced in doing this hard thing and maybe Loki is right to assume Mobius can roll with the punches.

Future

Themes that need to be paid off

- Making a hard choice & hope

- Order & chaos

- Partnerships & trust

It’s possible that the ending of Ep 4 which wiped out everyone means that this is the lowest ebb for these characters and we won’t see Mobius plunge into the level of despair that Dox displayed in this episode. I think that would be a bit of a cop out, but we’ll see. I still think there will be some angst ahead, but the themes seem to be pointing to an ultimately hopeful outcome (or maybe I have just been watching too much Lord of the Rings lately).

Given trailer footage (spoilers ahead if you’ve not seen them) I think:

(1) Loki will deliberately timeslip backwards before he gets hit by the radiation blast. He’ll then use the time loop theme to try to change the outcome. It will take a number of iterations and moving further back in time each time to start again. (There are clips in trailers of timeslipping we have not seen yet)

(2) It will involve him re-recruiting the team and a “we’ve got to get the band back together” - Blues Brothers style ending awaits (hooray). But this will involve some people having to give up good lives to join the team - and Loki will have to use all his powers, charm & mischief to get them back. (We have clips of Casey & B15 on the timeline we have not seen).

(3) Mobius will give up his good life (a pre-tva Mobius jet ski salesman) on the timeline to join the team. (We have clip of Loki timeslipping in front of jet ski store not yet seen). I’ve said before I don’t see a post TVA Mobius being content in this role (doing some jobs change you too much for a quiet life) but I could see him doing this before he ever became an agent - so I’m hoping that’s how this works. And we get a conscious decision to do the “hard thing” and join the team. (Foreshadowed by the “I’d like to thank the guy who bought me here … got me this pie” s2e2).

(4) There is still a risk that this may lead to Mobius death. However, given they killed everyone (except perhaps Loki & Sylvie) in this episode we may be spared further trauma and could get a happy ending for most of the team. I don’t think the explosion was a fake out so unless Loki changes something in the past they all are dead and will remain so and that gives us a better chance for more to survive in the end.

[aashi-heartfilia]

Who you are really? TogaChako's brand of Love

So, finally we have a confirmation of Ochako's feelings about Toga. Yes, she's saving her and yes it's gonna be good.

Honestly, TogaChako's development is the one I'm looking forward to the most, and I like it even more than Deku and Shigaraki cause unlike Deku who got his magical visions about a child crying inside etc, Ochako sees Toga for who she is. A person, who deserves to smile and it didn't happen instantly...

Ochako started out as a young student with a shallow motive, to a person who wants to save people to a hero who wants to save her fellow heroes to an ultimate hero who will save anyone in need.

Yes, Ochako loves seeing people happy and yes, Toga comes is that list. This is so dear to me because this is what MHA does the best, i.e. handle the emotional beats of the story.

Here, Toga goes through an existential crisis where she doubts if her love for her found family is genuine or not.

Ofc she loves Dabi and Shigaraki to bits. Lov us her family but she doesn't want to become them, completly.

Theoretically, she should be able to copy quirks as well like with the real Twice but she can't maybe because deep down she doesn't want that either.

She's not interested in this world domination thing, she just wants a world that is easier to live in but if she wants to live, she has to follow orders, she has to pick sides.

Toga lived a hard life because of her quirk and all she wanted was to be accepted for who she really is. She has very less self worth, so her quirk allows her to become the person she wants to; very literally.

So, I think what she feels deep down is dire admiration, born out of her own self hatred.

Bloodlust = self hatred

When she was little, she was always asked to be normal.

She was different but she was asked to be like everyone else, which made her hate herself unknowingly and served as a drive to become other people.

We know her first incident happened during middle school and everyone else reported how she was a very cheerful and social girl.

But very likely, her parents weren't that supportive calling her demon and taking her to quirk councelling sessions which made matters worse.

If she was satisfied with herself, maybe she wouldn't feel so blood thirsty. But this has never happened before cause the formula keeps repeating except for the Lov where she found true love and acceptance.

She had a connection with all members of Lov but with Twice it was different. She was devastated by his death and that actually made her question the ideology of the heroes.

Ochako is pretty similar. She wants to be like Deku because he's cool and all but she doesn't love him, at least not in that way.

What she has always felt was a deep admiration for her closest friend which is why people like Mina, mistook it for love.

Of course, you would love to keep stuff from your idol close to your heart and of course, you would want to become like them.

But admiration isn't the only thing that Ochako feels.

In the start, Ochako also had very less self worth. Coming from a lower class family, shallow reasons for becoming hero but as the series progressed , we see her develop not just as a person but as hero who is willing to save anyone in need.

She always thought that Deku was amazing but after the Deku Retrieval arc we see her acknowledge him as a normal person with a special power.

Deku is still her close friend but she's also her own person now.

And this is where the connection between Ochako and Toga comes from.

Ochako found a healthy environment to learn and grow while Toga was always rejected and neglected until she joined the league.

But the connection lies in their admiration as well

They both the admire the same person, Deku.

Not love but admire.

Because reasons. But Toga also loves Ochako, Stain, Izuku and even Twice?

It's very simple actually. You can admire a lot of people at the same time and want to become like them.

Toga just wants an easier world for herself to live in and just like Shigaraki and Dabi she wasn't a born villain.

But aspiring heroes like Ochako are brainwashed into thinking that villains are bad and heroes good. They don't have any problems and they just like to wreck havoc.

So, when Ochako's saw her tears, she realised that even the labelled villains that are seen as nothing but menace can have their own problems.

What makes her interesting is that she realises that things done by Toga are wrong and that they are way past the point of forgiveness.

But what made her do those terrible things?

What are the driving factors?

What drove her to insanity?

She's already thinking about all of this and we know that if there is something that she could do to put an end to this sad Girl's Parade, she'll definitely do that.

Ochako has already gotten past this and accepted herself for who she is and she needs Toga to do the same.

[lucysweatslove]

I got my new car today!!! I haven’t actually driven it yet. Because new things are scary for me and it takes me a little while to get used to something like driving a new car, I wanted to drive it around my parents’ a little before going in a busy road. Rob said it has “responsive break” and i wanna get that “feel” down before I’m in heavy traffic. I like it though and am very grateful and excited!!

Being at my parents’ hasn’t been too triggering this time around. Usually there are some kind of comments about my body or what I’m eating, but we have such a short turn around this year that thankfully it hasn’t been too bad…

Did have to listen to my mom talk about this guy who has multiple myeloma (my mom has a precursor to MM) and apparently is in “full remission” using an antiviral but it came back because he got the covid vaccine…. Tried to explain why that’s probably not true actually but you know… I think she just desperately wants there to be simple/easier answers to the cancer she might develop, which I get, but I also feel like this is how misinformation takes roots.

(We don’t have a perfect system here in the US by far, but we aren’t lagging behind in the cancer treatment realm…. If antivirals worked to cure MM, there would be research on it… and people would do it… contrary to popular belief, Big Pharma isn’t pushing ineffective expensive drugs to steal your money and keep you sick…drugs are ridiculously expensive, but it’s not malicious… insurance companies are far more malicious for refusing coverage than the pharma companies imo)

Also listening to some people talk about pot shop workers (specifically managerial roles) not deserving to be paid a certain amount, all the gender critical bs, like yall, I don’t like government regulations in general and I have my views on how we attempt legislating morality and why it doesn’t work, but like…… when you use that argument to justify why people who “don’t have any education and just know drugs” (not a real quote just a paraphase) don’t deserve to be paid a certain amount, AND you don’t use it to say that like, gov shouldn’t restrict access to health care like abortions and gender affirming care… that’s not “government shouldn’t legislate morality,” that’s “government should legislate the morality I agree with” which is… the same thing you’re complaining about the “other side” doing.

Especially the gender stuff. It takes very little actual energy to use somebody’s preferred, correct pronouns. Affirming care literally saves lives. When you spend a lot of energy and time lobbying against these things, it really just tells me how uncomfortable you are with the idea that somebody could have a different life experience than you. The only person who should be spending that much time and energy caring about those things… should be the person themselves. Partners or family ofc should care too, but in a “how do we support this person so they can live a fulfilling life” way, not in a “i can’t handle anybody having a different lived experience than me” kind of way.

And also if you’re gonna complain about federal spending and budgets, can you at least acknowledge the ridiculous defense budget? Even if your viewpoint is “I don’t know how we can realistically and safely scale that back,” just like… recognize how little the government actually spends on programs like VA health care in relation to the massive defense budget. We rank third in the world for per capita military spending… I’m not saying you need answers on how to solve anything, but if you’re gonna criticize the drops in the bucket, acknowledging that they are in fact drops in the bucket comparatively would be nice.

[sanguith]

tw & cw for addiction & drug use below the cut so beware:

hi. long time multiple substance addict here, first time explicitly stating this on my blog and i don't know why i'm deciding out of the blue making this post but.. opening up feels good so why the hell not.

This is primarily why my mental health has gone to shit over the last few years, I've lost motivation and joy for life and I'm realizing this now, and will keep this (detox & recovery) as my main goal for the foreseeable future.

Writing things down, telling people, and being honest feels like making a promise, and keeping a promise feels good. Been opening up to my friends for the first time in my life and I have gotten a lot of kind support & understanding and it warms my heart and gives me so much confidence, so I'm writing this on my blog to achieve the same in bulk, maybe. I'm so tired of hiding and lying and being a slave to this shit and I want to change my life now. And I won't give up.

I'm doing a first detox now, tapering down one of the "easier" substances on my own, before seeking professional help for the more difficult one(s) - something I've been very afraid of before but I will not give up and I will do it, once I've made enough progress on my own. I promise.

On day four rn, things are quite difficult and will be getting steadily worse ofc. I feel like shit and the withdrawal symptoms creep up on me in waves, but they come and go and I won't give up. I'm re-teaching my brain to endure it rather than to reach for another dose and repeat the same pattern. Learning to appreciate small pleasant things, distract myself with good calm things, allowing myself to rest, open up to people, be honest, and treat myself and my body better than before. It's a slow process and these days have already felt like an eternity. But one day I'll be free.

Well that's it. Treat people with kindness, don't give up on your values, follow your heart. You'll be okay. And for the first time in a long time I think I will be too.

✨💚🌼💚💙💚🌿💚✨

Much love and thanks for reading. (Disabled reblogs because, well, obvious reasons I think, hehe.)

[icycream24]

Espilver? :>

You're here to ask me the most obvious ones 😭 alright then I'll answer in the most unexpected way ever!

They are my OTP: literally saw them first-hand in game and firmly believed they have chemistry since then. Not influenced by fanart at all bc there was none.

But I don't really dare say they're the best of the OTPs...? Genuinely I think some other pairs (Sonuckles/Knuxouge etc.) has more chemistry and an easier time to figure out how they work.

Espio and Silver supposedly live in different timelines, and Espio didn't even appear in games that often. Their chances of seeing each other is far lower than a lot of others;

They're not as sociable as Sonic or Amy, or any other talkative characters. They can't just meet each other on a whim. We have to think of a valid reason for them to meet in fanfics, with Silver's persistence on his time travel mission and Espio's ninja detective work in mind;

They're kinda too nice with each other, the enemies to lovers troupe wouldn't really fit in their current canon situation, neither does having major rivalries, conflicts, or any kind of tension. Obviously they can still have those, it's just harder to imagine them in these roles compared to others imo.

Ofc, they're still my obvious best of OTP in my brain, but if we're discussing the variety of them being a pair, then they're not higher than other ships.

CUTENESS OVERLOAD: That is true bc I literally ship them as OTP. But actually, I ship them in the angsty way first, did not imagine them with a happy ending due to their roles and burdens. Drew Silver dying in Espio's hands back in 2016, definitely not wholesome & cute haha

Overrated AND underrated at the same time? : Now this is a handful... I didn't imagine Espilver to be a well known ship at all, and certainly did not anticipate ppl actually shipping them even now. As to why this ship got popular, I couldn't help but think it was related with ppl wanting to support unpopular ships as an ally, moreso than actually liking the ship? Ofc, it's definitely not me who can decide what ppl ship them for, I wouldn't care that much as long as the ship gets more love! Actually I do care but I don't wanna gatekeep ppl for being not genuine and I don't wanna know if I'm actually wrong on that so by not dwelling on that I avoided the problems and consequences that might bring to me including those I do not forsee

Still, Espio and Silver, as I've told before, probably don't have as much chemistry to other ppl due to not being in more games tgt. Their compatibility basically flies over ppl's minds and it's unfortunate! So, Espilver is definitely underrated as ppl still hasn't yet be presented to the wonderful comfort and beauty this ship brings 💖

In conclusion, overrated enough to have IDW make a comic about them, since ppl would love it; also underrated enough to have IDW make a comic about them, since so few ppl know them enough to feel repulsed with their interactions.

I WOULD DIE FOR IT OKAY: No one's allowed to talk shit about Espilver/Silvespio except me✨

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Catharsis / FYI / Lesson Learned

Just know that when you see a non-Sydcarmy fic out there with a plot that includes codependency syndrome, a hotel chain poaching Carmy and taking him abroad, a happy ending, and Donna being a recovered alcoholic, which I have already mentioned time and time again on my blog that I think is gonna be her redemption arc (unless she dies), and that the main non Sydcarmy couple breaks up and gets back together when her codependency syndrome is under control, THAT PLOT IS ACTUALLY MINE (and a previous Sydcarmy plot about a trans person and a gay guy befriending Carmy in rehab, too, btw) bc I made the mistake of helping a writer with her fics. Ofc I have the receipts but I rather not use them, I’m not like that. I don’t expect credit bc after this writer used me, with my consent, she blocked me. It’s fine, I was clear from the get-go and I mention this all the time on my blog, that I only enjoy, write and read Sydcarmy content and she disagreed with that. I did make a small and occasional exception for her, though and I now regret it, and quite frankly that's the only thing I regret, even knowing the end result at this point. My bad.

Not that I owe ANYONE any explanation for my preferences as a writer, reader, fan, or viewer but I have my reasons for 💯 thinking that the best writing in this fandom can be found in Sydcarmy fics and that other pairs are usually extremely OC and are typically a bunch of dialogue lines thrown out there with no plot and a lot of smut (you guys know how much I dig smut, right?), which is not really my cup of tea but I fully support that it may be others'. I just happened to notice that it's not necessarily as complex as a concept to write about, bc in that case you don't have to worry about characterization or about what the creator/writer/director/EP really meant to say or tried to convey with their work, seeing as you completely disregard or bypass it and just keep the same names. I get it though: it’s easier and more practical to just write OC and pour down on the page all your sexual fantasies in the second person. I’m just not here for it and I am not sorry about it. And I’m unapologetic about this bc as I mentioned, to each their own, let's just be open about it.

This fandom is big enough not to have to cross paths and just be able to coexist peacefully, agreeing to disagree (if you are mature enough to handle that ofc). As long as the content is properly tagged and disclaimed, etc so we can all decide what to stay away from and what to dig in, making an informed decision, that is. Let's be clear: I don’t have to like ANYTHING, none of us have to be on the same page as to what fics we think are good or bad, which ones we love or which ones we fucking hate with a passion, but we all should act with integrity, here and offline. So that being said, I wasn’t treated that way and even though I feel used, I enabled it, so… karma, I guess. I was even stupid enough to send voice notes bc I was at work and then a few messages down the convo this person said: "I think I will have X do Y and Z...", which was exactly to the T what I had suggested AS PER HER INSISTENT REQUEST a few messages prior in my voice notes. So, I guess I had it coming...

While I have only been on Tumblr for like 5 minutes (2 months and 1/2), I have been quite active in other fandoms in the past, such as LTM and TXF, because I was born in the 80s, guys :) and nothing like this has ever happened to me before, I even had an account on FF.net where I did lots of collabs, and half the time I just donated my ideas bc I was too busy to actually write the fics myself and I was traveling all the time, so it was easier for me to let someone else write the stories, I have no issues sharing as long as everything is properly labeled. Everything was dreamy back then, I never had this kinda experiences before, and will take every precaution moving forward to never have them again, because it feels shitty and OC for me.

My points are:

1- Just FYI.

2- I don’t take this lightly #LessonLearned

3- Let’s agree to disagree in peace, please.

Thanks for reading.

XOXO

[fizzzyz]

so I'm making a tmc au that I'm becoming more and more obsessed with.. I haven't really read any other au, so idk how good this will be but I'm taking a lot of inspo from ofc tmc but also stranger things, horror movies, murder documentaries, some games etc.

I hope you all will like it :]

cw: Vulgar language (Gore, suicide mention, violence etc. in other parts)

Mandela Calamity

Volume 1: Hiraeth

Part 1

Rain slowly started to pour harder and harder every minute and the storm seemed to grow stronger. The sky was covered with dark fluffy clouds and the air was cold and misty. Marilyn stood on the porch, leaned against the wall as she just threw away her cigarette and stomped on it, squeezing it out. The smell of rain brought back memories. Of the days before everything went to hell. Mary sighed as she watched the moving company move her older sister’s belongings into the truck, box after box, furniture after furniture. She couldn’t believe she was moving back to that place, she thought they had made an agreement, to leave all memories behind. She was finally beginning to forget some now, or at least to stop thinking about them, but they would all run her over now when she’d be returning to that place.

The wind started to blow harder and colder, as the rain became more violent. Mary glared into the ground as she pondered. She understood why her sister had to quit her job, if she continued, she would have a mental breakdown and get fired anyway. But she didn’t understand why she had to look for a job in Mandela, and that she even had to move there. It made her upset, but she had to support her sister’s decision. “Mary, are you ready to go?” Marilyn looked up when she heard her sister. She nodded slightly and followed her from the porch to her sister’s car. As she opened the door and sat down, she felt her stomach tied in knots and anxiety overtook her. She felt tense. Like as if she was stuck in place.

 She took a deep breath when her sister got in the car after her. “I still don’t understand why you have to do this, Anna.” Her sister looked at her and sighed, thinking for a bit before she responded. “I’ve told you this a million times, I need a new job, and there’s nothing for me here.” Mary got irritated by that one same reply she had gotten every time, she was like a dumb robot that couldn’t explain something properly. Her sister, Anna, started the car, having to turn the key a few times before it eventually started. “And out of all places you choose Mandela County!?” Mary burst out as she got more frustrated. She tried to hold in her anger, but it was difficult. “Because it’s a place I’m familiar with! It’s easier to get a job there.” Anna replied and started driving out of the driveway onto the road. “Can’t be that damn hard to get familiar with a new place!” Mary muttered as she crossed her arms and looked outside the window to her right.

Anna’s grip on the steering wheel tightened as she drove towards the highway. They both felt tense and tired of each other, but there wasn’t much any of them could do. “Please Mary… I already bought this house, it’s too late to change it.” She said, trying to cool down the situation a bit. Mary sighed again as she kept looking out the window. She just wanted to shut out all of her feelings and thoughts, and just relax. She felt so stressed and frustrated, this conversation only drove her more insane.

The trees went flying past them as they were getting closer to their destination. The storm had calmed down, and the rain had stopped. A sunset started to form into warm pastel colors as the clouds started to break up and reveal the sky. It had been about an hour since they left, and there was only a bit left. Marilyn just wanted to get this done, she wanted to get home already. She didn’t even know why she followed in the first place, it was her decision to go or not. She only did it because she cared about her sister and knew she’d need some help. But she felt like there was something else to it… that last bit of hope to find her daughter again, or to at least know what happened. She knew it was impossible, she disappeared 12 years ago, it would be a miracle if she was still alive.

Mary felt a shiver down her spine when she saw that sign she hadn’t seen in years, “Mandela County”. A sign had never made her feel so disgusted and anxious before. They quickly went past it, but the image was stuck in her head. It made her feel a sense of dread that brought back all the trauma. She tried her best not to think about it. It was not a good time to have a breakdown now. As they drove past stores, apartments, and other buildings, they started to get closer and closer to the new house. She noticed some new stores in town, and new buildings as well. She never thought she’d set foot here again, but here she is. Mary sighed quietly when they reached the suburbs. The streets didn’t look too different, everything just looked more depressing now after all that had happened. Anna finally found her new house, and she drove onto the driveway, parking the car. “Well... here we are.” She said before pulling out the car keys and getting out.

Mary didn’t want to get out of the car, she never wanted to be here in the first place, but she had to. She got out of the car and turned around to look at the house her sister had bought. It was small and a few decades old, but it was still nice. The walls were painted white, and the roof had dark red brownish tiles. The porch was small and built out of stone, the door was brown but most of the color seemed to have faded away. The house definitely needed a new paint job, but neither Mary nor Anna could afford it right now. Anna opened the trunk and started unpacking smaller boxes and other stuff. She didn’t have that much stuff with her as she sold most of it, but she didn’t need much for her new and small house. Mary opened the door to the back seats and started to unload the stuff that had been put there. She tried to put all her focus into helping her sister and not to overthink the situation too much. She hated this place so much, but she had to deal with it.

After about 10 minutes the car was empty, and all of the stuff had been carried onto the porch. Anna reached for the keys in her pockets and searched for a while before eventually pulling them out. Mary had never seen the house before, so it was interesting to see how it looked on the inside. Anna put the key in the lock and turned it before she opened the door. The entire house was empty. All that was left was old and plain wallpapers. The sisters stepped inside, carrying some of the things with them. It didn’t smell very good in there; it smelled like as if someone had poured spoiled milk over a rotting carcass. Mary understood now how Anna could afford this house. It was old, greasy, small, and simple. Yet she still had to work so much and sell so many of her things to buy this house, she even had to take a loan. Since Mary was completely against the idea of moving back to Mandela, she didn’t help with any of the costs. She was worried for Anna. What if she couldn’t find a good enough job to pay back her debts? What if she had to live in this junk for the rest of her life?

After she put down the things she was carrying she took a look around, to see if there was at least something positive about this place. Most of the wallpaper had seemed to shift from its original color to a greasy brownish yellow. It must’ve been a long time since anyone has taken care of this house, it looked like a complete mess. There was no furniture anywhere, even if there were there would’ve been no idea to keep them considering the condition of this house. Mary walked through the empty doorframe to the left. She seemed to have entered the kitchen, but it looked like a junkyard. The countertops were covered with dust and other nasty stains, there was no fridge, some of the cabinets had missing doors, and the sink needed to be repaired. The cost of repairing all this would probably be more expensive than the house itself. It would’ve been smarter to just buy a house that isn’t rotting.

She continued on into the living room, which also had an empty doorframe, to the right in the kitchen. The windows still had curtains, with what was probably a flower pattern. Anna hadn’t said anything about the condition of the house, just that the house was small and close to the city. Mary felt her heart sink to the bottom of her soul. She regretted not helping her. She was pissed that she had moved to Mandela, but she didn’t want her to live in an absolute nightmare. It was too late now. She had already bought the house. All she could do now was to help her fix it. She went on through the next door, which led back to the hallway. There were 2 doors on the wall to her left. They seemed pretty beat up as well, but they were good enough. She slowly opened the door closest to her. It had one window in the middle, and the rest of the room was empty just like the other rooms. There wasn’t much to see there, so she continued on to the last door.

The door creaked as she opened it and a cloud of nasty smells hit her. She squinted her eyes and backed away a bit as she slightly gagged. It smelled like feces and expired food mixed together. She covered her nose and mouth with her hand as she peeked inside. The room was small, with a toilet, bathtub, and sink. The tiles on the floor were greasy and so were the rest of the stuff in there. This place was horrible, not even a rat would live here. Mary felt even more frustrated and confused with Anna’s decision to move here, why would she want to live in this dump!? She already had a pretty nice home back in Bythorne, but she’d trade that just for a job. She quickly closed the door as she stepped away from it and stopped by the wide-open front door.

Anna was carrying the last stuff inside and placed them in the hallway. “I... Anna. What is this?” Mary said, the disappointment clear in her voice. Anna sighed and looked into Mary’s eyes. “Do not get upset. I didn’t waste all of my money on this house, I’m using the rest to renovate it. It might look bad right now but when I fix it it will be perfect and look brand new, I promise.” She explained and tried to convince Mary that it was a good idea. Marilyn couldn’t understand what her sister was thinking, was she out of her mind? “Annette. A normal house would’ve been worth it even if it costs a little more. You’ve made a mistake. It might work in the end, but this house will need years before it’s fixed.” She responded. Her voice was strict and harsh. She was really disappointed of her; all of this was making her reach her limit. “For god’s sake it’s too late to change anything! Can’t you see how hard I’m trying!?” Anna yelled and gestured with her hands. “If you actually tried your best we wouldn’t be standing here, I thought you were better than this!” Mary yelled back and grunted.

She was so tired of this. She never wanted to be here. She hated this place. She hated it with all her gut. This place already made her feel like she was at a breaking point, but her sister only made it worse. Anna seemed to get pretty upset as well, she really just wanted Mary to understand her. “Can’t you just fucking listen for once!?” Anna lashed out, with her voice becoming trembly, like as if she was about to cry. “Why can’t you listen!??” Mary yelled back at her. “I can’t stand you!!” Anna screamed and ran into the kitchen. Mary watched as she fled the scene. She grunted and walked outside, grabbing her lighter and cigarette pack from her pocket. This day was already too much. She wished she could just get into bed and sleep already.

[not-xpr-art]

just wanted to share a few comparisons to show how my digital painting skills have developed over the years!

(these were all done with the same brush type on the same program btw!)

see below for a mini kinda Art Advice post where i go into each of these comparisons!

wanna start by saying the brush i used for all these pieces is the 'watercolour' brush on firealpaca... essentially just a default flat brush that usually comes with most software!

the first two are to show unintentional messiness vs intentional messiness. a lot of my early art had a pretty messy quality to it purely because i was still unfamiliar with the mechanics of digital! (though i will say, i think i was going for a more painter-ly style in the 2015 art anyway because i was basing it on pre-raphaelite works)

i think once you become a lot more familiar with certain mediums, you allow yourself to be a bit more confident with the brushstrokes you make! the 2022 piece is one where i wanted to create a sense of texture, almost like a digital version of impasto (aka thick layers of paint), and i know better now how to use digital software to create this kind of effect!

and you can see with the next row & the 2016 piece that i managed to create a much smoother, more blended appearance whilst still using the same brush! a part of my improvement came from me allowing myself to spend a little longer on pieces, especially in those first few years. i think a lot of beginners to digital (or any other kind of medium for that matter) think that if they spend the same amount of time on a piece as they would in another medium that they're more familiar with they'll get the same results, but it doesn't really work that way lol... especially if you're very new to digital... my advice here, then, would be to allow yourself to be slow at figuring out the medium (and let yourself make mistakes!)

going back to the 2016 vs 2022 comparison, i wanted to include this to show how sometimes you can keep things still messy, but still controlled and complete looking! also, remember that in digital most programs will let you adjust the 'colour mixing levels' or another similar 'blending level' option, which essentially just means how much the strokes blend or don't blend into what you've already painted... (knowing this would have made blending a whole lot easier back in 2016 lemme tell you lol.....)

(i also wanted to include that comparison cos it looks like they're looking at each other and i find it funny pfft)

the final comparison is, again, to show how controlled brushstrokes can give a piece a simultaneously painter-ly and smooth appearance! in both the 2015 and 2023 pieces, i wasn't super precise in my painting skills. but the 2023, to me at least, doesn't look as messy purely in the way i've been able to use the brush!

i mainly wanted to share this because i spent a long time trying to make my paintings look smooth, and i definitely do still do this in some artworks (particularly if i'm using fluffy/textured brushes), but i realised that i really enjoyed being able to create messy works that overall feel more finished due to the painting skills i've developed over the years!

i also just want to say that i'm not saying that either of these sides are 'better' than the other, they're just a few different ways i've approached art in my years as a digital artist! my observational drawing skills have grown a lot since the left side pieces, but i still think there's a lot to like in my early works and i'm definitely still very proud of them!

~~

thanks for reading & feel free to check out my other art advice posts and consider tipping me here on tumblr or heading to my kofi if you wanna support me! (no pressure ofc!!) <3

[boogiewrites]

Seeing Stars Part 7

Characters: Eddie Munson x OFC Star

Summary: Star tries to heal old wounds by nurturing the friendships she's unexpectedly found in Hawkins. She surprises the band with a crowd that what it lacks in numbers makes up for in enthusiasm. After the sexual tension between her and Eddie is openly discussed (and not only by them) she decides to ask him for what's been on her mind.

Comment & Reblog to let me know you like it and want more Eddie content!

Part 1 if you missed it!

Warnings/Triggers: NSFW. Sex. Rough Sex. Spanking. Light choking. Dirty Talk. Good boy/Bad Girl. The word whore is used. Mentions of a cream pie. Also cuddling and fluff.

Star made her way into Family Video with an excited pep in her step.

“Hey!” Robin waved from Behind the counter.

“Hello, my favorite Family Video employee.” She smiled and leaned on the counter.

“I heard that.” Steve said, coming from the new releases section.

“Hello to my second favorite.” Star added with a kinder tone.

She’d made frequent visits to the store a common occurrence. It was on her way out of town from work and since leaving the city she’d found new ways to occupy her time. Movies happened to be a great way to kill a chunk of time. It didn’t hurt that she liked both of the people who worked there. Steve and she were on good terms, choosing to ignore the drunken mess of a night they spent feeling each other up while she downed swigs of tequila. Robin happened to be in the same music class as Star. She’d befriended her with her off-beat muttered jokes and with the common knowledge of movies made conversations easy. So a trip twice a week to chat wasn’t out of the normal.

“Does that mean I’m third?” A floppy-haired Dustin comes from seemingly nowhere as he pops himself up on the countertop.

“Do you work here now?” Star asked.

“No.”

“Then you aren’t my favorite employee sorry.” She shook her head and he put his hand to his chest as if he were hurt.

“Ouch.”

“How old are you again?” She asked.

“Almost 15?”

“You’re my favorite almost 15-year-old.”

“Nice.” He bobbed his head, happily accepting the consolation prize.

“I’m glad you’re all here actually. I need to ask a favor.” She gave a forced smile and leaned her weight onto the counter.

“Yes, I can waive your late fees again, Jesus.” Steve rolled his eyes.

“Not what it’s about.” She dismisses with a weave of her hand. “I wanted to do something nice.”

They all stare at her like she grew another head.

“Oh come on I’m not that mean.” She says in defense of herself.

“No, but a spoonful of sugar does make you easier to get down.” Robin says supportively.

“Look. Any chance Tuesday night you’re free?”

“We can if we change the schedule?” Steve looks at Robin.

“I'm free!” Dustin smiles.

“I wanted to get some people together at The Hideout Tuesday night. I’m trying to do something nice for the guys.”

“You mean Eddie?“ Steve smirks.

“I may have been a dick to him specifically but this would benefit all the members of Corroded Coffin.”

“I am not going to go watch them.” Steve said moving his hands back and forth.

“They aren’t bad! They’re surprisingly good!” She insisted.

“Have you seen Eddie play? He’s a damn savant on the guitar.” Dustin backs her up.

“A what?” Steve scrunches his face at Dustin.

“A savant. It’s the opposite of you.” He teased.

“We aren’t really into that heavy stuff.” Robin got the conversation back on track.

“I know but it’s so depressing to go and be the only one there and when I work and I can’t go I feel so bad. They work really hard. I know if some people would show up it’d mean a lot.”

“She’s got a point,” Dustin adds supportively. “Only thing Eddie cares more about than D and D is his band.”

“So we’re just all doing nice things for Munson now?” Steve said a bit bitter.

“Don’t be a sore loser.” Robin muttered and elbowed him.

“You don’t have to stay the whole time and they don’t play long, just a few songs.”

“Yeah, their songs are like 20 minutes long each.” Steve added.

“Not the covers.” Star offered with a shrug. “You don’t have to. But I’m trying. He’s been a really great friend ever since I showed up here and I feel like I’m just a giant pain in the ass to him all the time. I’d like to do something for him to show I’m not a shitty friend.”

“You’re not a shitty friend!” Dustin quickly added.

“You made me that scarf that was school colors so I wouldn’t freeze in the bandstand,” Robin added. “And you brought us that pizza that one night. Remember?” She swung her head to Steve. He sighed.

“That pizza was damn good.” He said quietly, wistfully thinking about the deep dish she’d made when they’d mentioned not having it before.

“Pizza?” Dustin’s curiosity was piqued.

“She makes this deep dish pizza thing it’s like lasagna but it’s pizza and it’s all cheesy and meaty and you have to eat it with utensils it’s so thick.”

“I want a deep dish.” Dustin pouted.

“I’ll make you boys food for Hellfire one night. How about that?”

“You’re a regular mother hen.” Robin chuckled.

“I know I’m not the easiest nut to crack. I came with zero expectations of finding friends but you’re all great and I want to return the favor.”

“Steve’s like a dog if you feed him you’ll never get rid of him.” Robin tried to add sweetly.

“Rude.” Steve murmured.

“We’ll try to be there.” Robin steps on Steve’s foot.

“Could you bring Mike too?” Star asked Dustin. “I don’t think his sister would be too into it.”

“Yeah, Nance wouldn’t.” Steve chuckled.

“I can get Mike.”

“What about Lucas? I’ve not had the chance to get to know him since he’s been taken in by the basketball team. Would he come?”

“If he doesn’t have practice. I’ll ask.”

“And that cute little redhead?” Star inquired.

“Max. I don’t know. Probably not. She’s been distant. She turned us down for Hellfire too.”

“Shame. I always liked redheads. They’re good in a fight.” Star smiled.

“She would agree with that.” Dustin had a sad smile for a moment.

“Thanks. I appreciate it. But I need one more thing. And only you can help me, Steve.”

“I’ve heard that one before.” He quirked a brow up.

“It’s almost Halloween. I need recs for something to scare me.”

“You looked in a mirror?” Everyone including Star gave varying degrees of groans and Robin threw a pen at him. “I’m kidding! Geez, you all know I’m kidding. C’mon, I’ll show you all the gross stuff you weirdos are into.”

-

The walls shook with the high number the volume knob was turned to in Eddie’s trailer. Star was waiting for him to get out of the shower so she could get him ready for his show tonight. She was feeling a bit antsy, unsure of how it would go while simultaneously being excited if things went right. She didn’t do her makeup very often, usually on a special occasion or when she was feeling particularly feminine. She had more experience with doing her hair, and tonight she had her scrunched up in waves and feathered, a ’70s throwback with a modern twist. She was giving herself some nice dark smokey eyeliner and shadow, something she was hoping to get the hang of before trying it on Eddie. She’d said she wanted to dress him up tonight and gave no reason. He was into it, and luckily she didn’t have to explain further. Eddie was a sucker for dramatics so he was happy to experiment with her.

Star was focused, lighter held in one hand on the desktop as she leaned over the edge and tried to perfect her eyeliner with the other.

Eddie came into the room, towel around his waist and hair wet. He stumbled as he walked in, toe hitting the floor to stop himself as he walked head first into the sight of Star bent over his desk. It’d been a sight he’d imagined very vividly before when he was alone. Since she didn’t immediately notice him he let himself enjoy the view. She was wearing a different shirt than he’d seen her in last, this one much smaller and tighter than what he was used to seeing her in. She loved her layers, and seeing the shape of her body wasn’t something, especially now in the winter, he got to see very often. She usually wore baggier pants, not jeans, or her long skirts with the occasional dress thrown in. She had a trunk full of sweaters and cardigans she’d made for herself and she usually wore them at the same time, clashing colors and all. She had the old men’s t-shirts, most stolen from her brother she wore but they too hid her figure. But she was in a tight black women's fit tee and skin-tight high-rise jeans tonight. She kept her signature lace-up boots that reminded him of something out of Victorian times. They went above her ankles and had little flowers embroidered on them. He figures she’d probably found them in a second-hand store like she had the majority of her clothes. He let out a sigh at the sight of her wide-set hips and self-titled fat ass snug in light wash denim. He wondered if she was wearing any panties under them. He had to stop himself before it became too obvious what he was imagining while only wearing a towel.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in jeans like that.” Is how he chose to announce his entrance into the room to her.

“Because I’ve not worn them around you before.” She licks her finger and smooths off the edge of her eyes. With her focus now ended she fluttered her eyes to reset her mind and look at the intrusion. She met his eyes in the mirror without turning. “Oh.” She said aloud and didn't mean to. He watched her reaction and he couldn’t have been more pleased about it. Her jaw clenched, fingers fumbling with her lighter as she opened and closed her mouth with a flush of pink to her cheeks. He sees her chest expand in a deep inhale that exits through her slightly opened mouth. “Is that what you’re going to wear?” She finally cracked a smile.

“I considered it.” He begins with a smile that pulls one corner of his mouth more than the other. “But I don’t think you’d be able to get anything done if I did.” He’d moved to his bed, the pile of clothes he’d had laid out to put on. She sees him smirking through the damp curtain of hair.

“Whenever I walk into your room naked and wet with only a towel around my waist and we see how you respond. THEN you can give me shit for it.” She poked her fingers holding the eyeliner his way.

“Please do.” He shook his head and the smile on his face showed how pleased with himself he was.

“Walking in here like that is BAIT Munson.”

“Bait, huh? For what?” He holds his boxers in his hand and faces her, shaking out his hair.

“Why was I ever nice to you?” She teases, turning her upper half toward him. “Now you’re entirely too cocky and I don’t appreciate it.”

“You appreciate my c-“

“DON'T!” She pointed again and raises her brows. “I regretted my choice of words as soon as it came out of my mouth.”

“Oh I’ve came in your-“

“Put your clothes on you whore!” She shouts and kicks an empty can his way.

“I’m shy.” He covered his crotch and shied away and she let out a shoulder-shaking laugh.

“I’ll finish my makeup, I won’t look, go ahead.” She waves her arm at him and turns back, lighter on the pencil for a moment before pretending to do what she just said.

He either didn’t care or he believed her and either she was fine with. She got to see him stark naked. She felt her chest tighten and stopped pretending to do her makeup, she held her hand by her face and watched his reflection in the mirror. He was broad-shouldered and lean, looking like the picture of some Grecian statue makers muse. He was skinny but there was a certain scrappiness to his build she appreciated. He looked masculine without looking macho, a touch of softness thrown into a pale svelte form. She swallowed at the sight of him soft, nestled in a thatch of dark hair that trailed up his stomach. A light smattering in the center of his chest near the tattoos stacked on the side. As he pulled on his clothes she snapped her eyes away and touched up her hair needlessly. A controlled chaos of fluffy edges and waves was what she was going for anyway.

“Alright I’m decent.” he announced, sitting on the edge of his bed and putting on his sneakers. His usual denim with holes ripped from wear and not bought that way fit him snug. He wore a tank top, arms on show.

“You? Never?” she smiled and finally turned, her back to the mirror, her backside resting against the edge of the desk. “I did have a little surprise.” she tried to not look like she was purposely posing herself in a flattering way to show off her shirt.

“Yeah?” his head pops up after he’s done tugging on his shoes. “Aw, shit.” his face lit up and she perked up, standing straight and pulling down the hem of her shirt so her chest wasn’t distorting her work.

“I know you guys have some but I wanted to make my own. I’ve not done any DIY stuff like this in a while. Good to knock the dust off.”

“It’s sick, dude.” he raises and moves to genuinely examine her shirt and not her braless chest. He could behave given the right circumstances, and a Corroded Coffin shirt was certainly that. “How’d you do that?”

“Bleach and a q-tip,” she explained. “Also this on the back.” she swished her hair away and showed the outline of a coffin she’d drawn on the back. Little drips of bleach made it loo particularly gnarly. She turned back around. “The little drips looked cool.” she touched them as she chattered about the shirt.

“You’ve even got a coffin around it.” his face was adoring, a warm smile as he took in what felt like a present for him even if it wasn’t.

“I was tired of not having something. You guys work so hard, I thought it was time to make something new I could wear out. Rep the merch.” she chuckled.

“It’s cool as hell.” he nodded. “Can you make me one?”

“Same kind of shirt too?” she smirked.

“If it’s that cool I don’t give a shit, I’ll wear it.”

“I might make it. I’d like to see you in a tiny little cropped shirt like some ’70s stud.” she laughed.

“I mean you could take this one off and I’ll-” she smacked his cheek lightly.

“Shut it.” she snorted out. “Sit down, loverboy, I need to start working my magic.”

-

She’d moussed up his hair, giving it some definition and perpetual wet look like the guys she knew he idolized. She spent her time fluffing both him and his hair up while he got doted on. She figured hyping him up before a show was a good call.

“We’re making good time,” she said, grabbing his wrist to look at his watch. “Now for the final touches.” she spun around his desk chair and straddled his lap. His eyes went wide for a second. “I’ve gotta get close for the eyeliner,” she explained. “Don't get too excited.” she giggled while lighting the end of the pencil with a lighter.

“You’re gonna blind me.” he complained.

“This is how you do it!” she insisted. “You heat it and you can smoke it out. It’s how I did mine. Don’t be such a baby. You’re a big mean metal head remember?”

“I prefer arson.” he gave her a defensive look she knew was playful. She took his hand and held the kohl pencil tip the back of it.

“Not hot. See?” He grunted in response and she resituated herself and loomed over him. She grabbed him by the chin. “Now close your eyes and hold still.” She began dragging the eyeliner across his lash line.

“Under different circumstances that would be a lot more exciting to hear.” she stopped and laughed.

“Don’t make me laugh, I’ll mess up.”

“Can’t help it. I’m hilarious.” his dead plan delivery of the statement made her shake again.

“Stop talking.” He grunted in response.

“It kinda hurts.” he mumbled.

“It’s the wood on the pencil. I’ll sharpen it.”

“I don’t want it sharper!” he whined.

“It sharpens the black part, calm down.” she shook her head at him. Quickly she had his jaw tight in her hand and was back to concentrating.

“Uh… are we interrupting something?” a familiar voice from behind asks.

“Yeah, she’s trying to blind me.” Eddie complains.

“He’s being a fuckin baby about the eyeliner!” Star raised her voice, knowing it was the other band members making their way over to help load equipment.

“Oh good.” she jears Jeff sigh.

“I thought we’d walked in on you guys screwin' around.”

“Huh?” Star’s nose scrunched up and she turned to meet Gareth’s face.

“You're uh…” motions his finger up and down at her straddling Eddie in his chair.

“Oh.” she looked down and started to laugh. “Right.” she shrugged and turned back to Eddie. “I had to get close to put this on him and he won’t sit still.”

“So she sat on me like some damn Amazonian!” Eddie protested loudly.

“You’d be lucky for me to crush your pelvis.” she laughed.

“Hell, maybe we should’ve taken her up on doing our makeup.” Gareth smirks.

“You want to? I can.” she offers while licking her thumb and evening out Eddie’s now shadowy-lined eyes.

“Gross.” he mumbled.

“You’d pay for me to spit on you, hush.” she shoved his shoulder and stood. It got a chuckle out of the boys and a grin from Eddie. She wasn’t entirely wrong.

“I don’t think we’ve got the time to do everyone.” Eddie added, standing and moving to the mirror to see Star’s handiwork.

“Woah! Is that a Corroded Coffin shirt?” Jeff exclaimed.

“Oh shit, yeah! check it out!” Star turned quickly and chimed in. Soon the subject had passed and Eddie got to let out a tiny mental exhale. He hadn’t liked the idea of Star straddling the other guys, even if it was to do makeup. He’d unpack that later.

-

Star was smoking outside the front of The Hideout, the boys were in the back and all setup. She’d rode with Eddie and held his guitar for him so it didn’t have to go in the back of the van.

She saw a car full of people pull up and she tried not to show her excitement even if she wanted to bounce on her heels a bit.

“C’mon ya heathens.” Steve groaned, Robin, Dustin, Lucas, and Mike in tow.”

“You brought the whole family.” Star beamed.

“Being the only one who can drive kinda blows sometimes.” Steve sighed.

“Thanks,” she says sincerely, reaching out and putting her hand on his arm. “They’ll love this. And I really appreciate it too.”

“Don’t go getting all sappy on me.” he subtly smiles.

“I’m trying to not be such a stone-cold bitch.” she grins and takes a final drag.

“Oh, I know you aren’t. I’ve babysat tequila Star.” he teases.

“And again I’ll apologize for that.” she frowned.

“Nah, I’m just giving you shit about it. You’re cool.” he shook his head. “It was uh, pretty fun up until the whole almost throwing up on me part.” She rubbed her face and groaned.

“Yeah it was.” she scrunched her nose up in embarrassment but gave him a rather cute smile to accompany it.

“Let’s not leave the underage kids unaccompanied in the bar please?” Robin called out from the doorway.

“Our voice of reason.” Star holds her hand out for Steve to go ahead.

“If she’s our voice of reason we’re screwed.”

-

The splay of emotions on the guys’ faces as they took the stage was something Star wished she could’ve captured. Six people, by any usual standard, not much, clapped and cheered as they walked out and that was a first. Star and the 3 younger boys all screamed and clapped and wooed aggressively. Robin and Steve stood propped against the edge of a booth and clapped like two parents watching their rowdy children out of the floor. Eddie’s cheeks flushed and he looked down bashfully as Dustin screeched his name. The other handful of people in the bar were very confused by the attention but the bartender was laughing to herself.

“Uh.” Eddie cleared his throat speaking into the mic. “Wasn’t expecting this.” he grinned and looked down to fidget his fingers on the amp cord. “We’re Corroded Coffin.”

“Hell yeah!” Dustin screamed through cupped hands despite being less than 15 feet from the stage. Star snorted laughing as she bumped him with her hip.

“Gettem Eddieee!” Lucas chimed in, a shy but cheerful face while he joined in. The enthusiasm was contagious among the group.

Star danced to everything, Dustin joining her for most of it. Mike and Lucas took the cool route and head banged. Star and Dustin knocked heads while bent over and trying to swing their hair while catching each other when they started to sway and fall.

“We’ve been practicing this one.” Eddie panted into the mic, the sound reminding Star of the times they’d been together alone. “This one is for Star. That idiot in the black shirt who’s going to give herself a concussion.” he grinned.

“THAT’S ME!” she shouted and laughed with her whole body.

“She makes me listen to this song every time she’s in my van even though it’s my van and I should be in charge of the music. But at least her music taste isn’t shit.” he gives a nod and her favorite Dio song starts and she turns to Dustin, slapping hands together because she knows he likes it too. She got lost in it, remembering the time in her trailer teaching Eddie to dance. She mouthed or sang every word. Dustin mimicked the guitar as Eddie shredded the solo. The stolen glances between Eddie and Star weren’t exactly obvious but while he sang and she recited every word back to him there was a certain pull they could feel toward each other. It was full of gratitude and affection and it amped up his performance and her heartbeat.

“You gotta admit. They’re pretty cute.” Robin smirked. She and Steve watched the others act like adolescent monkeys and fall all over each other on the dance floor.

“Yeah, the buttheads are having a good time.”

“Not what I meant.” Steve turned his face to Robin who was still wearing her smirk. “Star?” she spoke quietly, knowing they couldn’t be heard by the shouting group over the music. “I know it makes you the loser in this situation but I think she and Eddie are pretty cute together.”

“Oh, they aren’t together.” he sounded oddly certain.

“You still holding out hope?”

“No.” Steve huffed out a quiet laugh. “She’s cool. She’s ya know… she looks good but she’s not long-term girlfriend material.”

“And that’s what you’re looking for these days?”

“Apparently so.”

“Oh?”

“She and I had a great time, don’t get me wrong. Once you have a set of hips like that on you it changes you.” he chuckled. “But I… I don’t know. There’s not enough in common there. She’s complicated.”

“A children's menu maze is complicated for you Steve, how bad can she be?” Robin laughed.

“When she was drunk she was talking about things.”

“As one does.” Robin shrugged.

“I don’t know if she was talking about Eddie or someone else. She was upset about something. But she wouldn’t answer me when I tried to figure out what.” he subtly frowns. “I don’t think she knows she likes Eddie.”

“Do you think she knows he likes her? Seems pretty obvious.”

“They’re tight as thieves, they’re best friends.”

“Ah.” Robin nodded. “So are we thinking they’re like us?”

“No? I don’t know.”

“Guy’s got some great hair. Wearing makeup…” Robin adds with a shrug. “Or her, I mean, you said it the first time you saw her.”

“Guy does have some major hair. The whole…look suits him.” Steve nodded in agreement. “I mean me and her ya know…”

“Doesn’t mean she’s strictly dickly.” Robin giggled.

“She was kissing on him and saying she missed him when he picked her up from my place, though. But she is a bit of a flirt.”

“She’s so reserved before you get to know her, makes sense she’d be the opposite when she’s drunk though right?”

“Yeah, that’s why it’s hard to tell. I don’t know him well enough to say it’s more than friends, but he’s protective as hell over her. Dude tried to fight me when he showed up.”

“You know outcasts have to protect one another.”

“True.” he nodded, contemplating. “I guess it’s none of my business really.” he looked down the floor.

“Also true.” Robin nodded in agreement. “But it’s fun to guess.” she grinned.

“This must be how people talk about us.” he broke into a less serious face.

“At least we know our deal.” Robin shrugged.

“Feels like that’s the only thing I know most days.” Steve sighed.

-

Star had to take a break eventually, sitting down and letting the boys take over the floor. She wished this could be every week, having people to dance and be excited with. She settled onto a tabletop with a bounce, sipping from a glass bottle of soda. She was catching her breath as they played an Iron Maiden song she’d heard originally in Eddie’s van. It’d become a favorite and she let the buzz from the amps so close vibrate her insides with a content sigh. She felt a pleasant moment of being alone in the small crowd of people while watching Eddie. She’d seen him swear and stomp, shouting and pulling his hair at attempts to learn riffs he was now executing flawlessly. She had an odd swell of pride for him. Seeing him in his element sparked the fire he’d ignited the first time she’d seen him play on stage. This time felt different as she reflected on the heat inside her watching him play gave her. She knew him now, knew what his body looked like and what it felt like against hers. His face was stern and concentrated, eyes on fingers as he smoked the neck of the guitar. His nose would twitch, his pointed tongue out either to focus or an exclamation of his enthusiasm for what he was playing with a dramatic opening of his mouth and a shout. His leg up on a speaker, he thrust his hips slowly as he eased into every growl of his guitar. The eyeliner and wet hair did suit him. It made him look older, it took the doe out of his big brown eyes. He was less prey and more predator. She liked to think her attention to him helped him hone in on this confident part of himself a bit more. She wondered if he was as happy with himself as she was with him.

For as focused as he was, now having people to watch him, he didn’t want to fuck up in front of them. But he still had the occasional tug at his focus in the back of his mind about Star. He gasps, mouth open after nailing a solo and switching back to rhythm giving him a chance to look at her. She’d been making him smile all night, even if he tried to hide it to keep his hardened exterior in place. He found her sitting and staring at him, immediately locking eyes the moment he took them off his guitar. His smile lines deepened, eyes bright despite the black surrounding them for a moment. He didn’t hold it too long. She thought he held it just long enough before looking back down and his smile slowly faded as he continued to play. He oozed confidence to her in that moment. She wondered if he could feel her watching or could read her mind as he met her gaze. She didn’t mind much either way. Maybe it would make what she had planned later fall into place easier if he could

-

They'd all hung out in the back, sharing cigs and friendly banter before Steve hauled everyone off. On the ride, home Star spilled her plan to get people to show up. Eddie wasn’t happy with the fact that he was driving because he wanted to kiss her for it. He didn’t know if kissing her out a rush of admiration was crossing a line. But what else was he supposed to do when she was beaming at him with a teeth showing smile and bright eyes as the street lamps shone into them as they passed.

“When did you get so sweet, huh?” He asked with a nod of his chin.

“Same time you did.” a more precocious smile comes across her face, and she settles into the seat, leaning toward him.

“Now I have to figure out what to do for you.”

“Do for me?” she turns her face his way, watching his hair slowly waft from the cracked window.

“Yeah, you did something nice. I need to do something nice back.”

“You’re already nice.” she smiled. “This isn’t transactional. We’re friends. Friends do things for each other. I’ll need a favor eventually and you’ll do it and then you’ll need something sometime and I’ll do it. You don’t have to pay me back.” she shook her head.

“What if I need a huge favor?”

“How big we talking?”

“Huge.” he grins.

“As big as your dick?” she asks with raised brows and he lets out a chest-shaking laugh.

“Bigger.”

“As big as my ass?” she joins in on the giggling, leaning over the chair arm with faux shock on her face.

“Bigger!” he smiles.

“Well shit. That’s colossal.” she settles back in and snorts. “Eh, I’d do it.” she shrugged casually.

“What if it was illegal?”

“Psh. Not even a favor for you that’s a treat for me.” she grinned.

“What if I needed you to help me bury a body?”

“I’ve got shovels.” she turned her face back toward him and they shared a sweet smile. “I’ve got your back, Munson, don’t worry.” she shook her head and patted his arm, extending it awkwardly across the space between his bucket seats. He slapped his hand on top of hers before she could recoil it giving it a supportive rub.

“And I’ve got your ass- I mean your back. I’ve got your back, too.” The dumb joke made her burst out in laughter, her hand pulling away from his to cover her face. The only other person to make her laugh like that was Dustin and it’s because they all shared the same punny, immature sense of humor. He had to remind himself to keep his eyes on the road. He would’ve rather watched her laugh.

-

“That’s got it.” She dusted her hands off, standing in his doorway as she declares the unloading of his equipment was finished. They’d barely turned on the lights before rushing to haul everything inside. A lamp in the living room and one in his bedroom were the only sources of light in the trailer.

“All the babies are put to bed.” He says hanging up his prized Warlock onto the guitar holder on his mirror. He caressed it like he might a woman, following its curves before letting go.

“You want a beer?” She asked half bent in the doorway unzipping her boots and taking them off.

“Are you staying?” He turned quickly, seeing her shoes already being tossed by his nightstand.

“I had planned to. Is that okay?”

“Yeah!” He answered quickly with a low brow that seemed to take offense to the idea he might not want her to. “You don’t stay here that often, we're always at your place.” He tries to explain with a motioning hand. “S’ nice to have you here instead.”

“I like your place. Bigger bed.” She smiled and turned. “You want me to bring a can or the whole thing?” She asked, making her way in bare feet into his linoleum kitchen.

“Ones good.” He called out as she heard rustling from his room. “Shit.” He whispered to himself.

Eddie moved around his room frowning, he grabbed his sheets and shook them, giving his pillows a sniff before trying to make it look decent. He grabbed the cheap cologne on his dresser and sprayed the bed, rubbing the sheets and pillows. He hadn’t expected her to stay after the show. He was wondering if he should try to better conceal the magazines on the floor that were covered with tits and ass. He didn’t have time to decide before she reappeared.

She sways back in, her hips bumping lightly into the doorframe as she makes a quick turn to his bed, and tossed him a can, cracking one for herself.

“The only thing that could’ve improved the show tonight would’ve been if we could’ve gotten beers at the bar.”

“At least we got 'em now.” He chugged some back and burped. He pats his stomach afterward, a laugh coming from Star at his childishness. “I’d say sorry but you know I’m not.” He gave a dopey closed mouth grin.

“Goober.” She snorted into her can.

“Did you catch the new Iron Maiden song we played?” he asked remembering excitedly and moving to his record player.

“I did!” She nods supportively. “I’d been listening to Piece of Mind a good deal lately. Good choice. Flight of Icarus has been stuck in my head. I like that solo. It’s got that repeating bit then it builds. Very sexy of them.” She chuckled.

“You probably still have the tape don’t you?”

“I think so.”

“Shit.” He finished his beer and sits it on his dresser immediately forgetting about it. “I wanted to put it on.”

“Play any one of your 100 other cassettes.” She takes another drink and sits the beer on his nightstand. “Put on Dio.”

“You heard what I said tonight. You’ve almost played that one out.”

“For good reason. It’s sexy.” She grinned and walked over to look at his collection with him.

“Sexy?”

“Do you not think metal is sexy?” He turned to look at her to find her serious. He blinked and quirked up a brow in thought. “You mean it doesn’t make you wanna fuck? You put on Little Lover and you don’t wanna get nasty?” She chuckled.

“Little Lover is barely metal.” He purses his lips and shakes his head.

“I love my dirty rock and roll what can I say? Okay, you elitist, What about… Fever? Judas Priest?”

“You’re forgetting Fuck Like a Beast.”

“Fuck you’re right.” Her shoulders lowered and she started looking for the WASP cassette. “That album Fucks, man. It’s got L.O.V.E. machine too. Any song talking about astrology will get me going.” She grins and plucks it out. “I mean they’re no Coven but” she shrugs.

“Coven gets a pass.” He points out taking the cassette and putting it in.

“That’s the correct answer.” She smirked and tapped his nose.

“Without Coven, we wouldn’t have Dio.”

“You’re sexy when you know what you’re talking about.” She tilted her head and propped her hip on his stereo stand. He glanced at her and a boyish smile came across his face as he messed with the cassette player.

“Want to hear me talk about D and D?” He grinned.

“I’m more interested in why you looked at me like I had two heads when I said metal was sexy.”

“I guess I never thought about it that way?”

“Does music not mess with your body and make you feel things?”

“Sure but if I was listening to something while fucking it was because that’s what happened to be on, I didn’t fuck because of the music.”

“So you’ve never been alone, had some drinks or smoked, and had a song hit you just right and you get horny?” He thinks for a moment with his eyes darting around the room.

“Like what?”

“Led Zeppelin gets me horny as hell.” She states blatantly.

“Okay yeah, I get that.” He laughed. “Which album? And don’t answer all of them.” He then took his turn to tap her on the nose.

“That’s like asking someone to pick their favorite child.” She exhaled and thought about it. “Depends on the mood you’re going for. Maybe Two? It’s a bit slower though as it goes. But then there’s Physical Graffiti. That one is some primo riding music .” She emphasizes with pinched fingertips. “It’s a little grittier, bluesy, and romantic. Yeah, I’ll say Physical Graffiti.”

“Physical Graffiti it is.” He puts up his hands and pulls it from the collection, having not started the prior choice of WASP.

“I know you like WASP better you don’t have to change it.”

“I’ve not listened to this through in a long time.” The opening track of Custard Pie starts and Star narrows her eyes at him.

“Is it presumptuous of me to assume you’re trying to make me horny by playing this?”

“No.” he kept his facial expression subtle, like holding his cards close to his chest.

“Is correct a better choice?” She leaned towards him and grinned. “If it were… I’d find it rather ironic.” She moves away from the stereo and walks away a few feet closer to the end of his bed. “Because if you think that after watching you on that stage tonight I wouldn’t already be turned on you’d be wrong.” Now that got his attention. He turned around after messing with the dials and waited her out with an expression that was up to no good. “You keep getting better every time I watch you up there, Munson. And I don’t mean just your guitar skills. Let me be perfectly clear, you’re getting closer to frontman guitarist hot and it’s concerning.”

She watched the confidence grow in his body language as she spilled out her honest reaction. “So you had ulterior motives for deciding to stay?” He shoved his hands in his pockets as he approached her. He’d gotten comfortable down to his black tank top and jeans without the usual hardware attached.

“Maybe.” She lilted. “What if I did?”

“I’d say I felt the same watching you in the crowd tonight. The way you move makes it hard to concentrate. Especially when it’s something I wrote.” He has a subtle smile that shows more in his eyes than on his lips. “Felt that way before the show too. And after. I mean look at you.” He brought a hand out to put on her waist. “I like how you dress, don’t get me wrong, but getting to see your body like this is distracting.” He admits, looking her over.

“You like my body, Eddie?”

“Do I like it?” He huffed out a laugh “Yes! You fuckin’ serious?” He squeezed the smallest part of her waist ever so slightly and let his hands run down to the swell of her hips.

“I like yours too you know.” She let out a small sigh and let her hands move to his bare upper arms. “I’d like to see more of it. And not just in the reflection in the mirror.”

“Can I see more of you?” He asks quietly, almost politely.

“You want to?” She looked up at him since he towered over her so close.

“How’s is that even a question?”

“I’m feeling needy tonight.” She shifted her hips. “It’s been so long for me. Even longer than I’ve wanted it so bad. Is it alright if I want to fuck you tonight?” The way she asked sounded almost sweet but her eyes were anything but.

“You sure?” His face softens, eyes half-lidded and looking at her chest. “It’s a little… unceremonious don’t ya think?” She hummed with a closed-lip smile.

“Eddie honey this isn’t my first time.” She shook her head and ran her hands up his chest. “I don't want roses, I want you.” she grabbed a fist full of the neck of his shirt and pulled him to her. It wasn’t hard for her to feel the rush with Track 2 playing in the background.

She kept one hand ahold of his shirt and the other moving from his collarbone to his nape to feel his hair. He groaned and hunched over into the kiss on impact and didn’t hesitate to slide both hands down and get a firm grab of her ass. The pull of his hands lifts her to her tiptoes, leading her to wrap her arms around his neck. A greedy hand gives a little smack to one cheek as his other hand slips his fingers under the hem of her shirt to feel the bare skin waiting for him under it. The feel of his blood-hot palms on her skin causes a small moan to escape into the still indulgent and slow kiss they share. Star’s hand travels back down after toying in his curls. She grabs his chest with two hands and proceeds to feel him up. A harsh brush of her thumbs over his nipples causes a hesitant gasp in him. She hastily moves to shove her hands under his shirt, hands kneading his waist, chest, and back like a cat with her long nails. Following her lead, he boldly surges both hands upward to her ribs to pause and squeeze, cupping her body under the curve of her breasts. Once his hands clutch the hanging weight of her chest they both exhale, breaking the kiss for a brief moment.

“Off.” she simply states, starting the skinning of his shirt off him and his strong arms pull the rest of his head. “You want the honors?” she smirks and tugs at the hem of her shirt. He wastes no time with the thin fabric, pulling it off her and letting it join the rest of his clothes on his bedroom floor. She was desperately craving the feeling of skin to skin, but unlike in the way she wanted it, he gave it to her by bending down and immediately taking her nipple into his mouth, one warm bare arm wrapped around her and a large ringed hand grasping her other breast. He made more noise latched onto her than he had when they kissed, feeling the grip of his fingers hard to her skin as he sucked away. He was just as desperate as she was for an intimate connection. He was less confident than she was and too shy to ask for it outright. He started to get his fill of his severely depleted touch compulsion by shoving his face into her chest and pressing her against him. She coddled him for a bit, breathing slow and relaxed as he sucked, and with each jolt of pleasure, she let herself moan and melt. She cradled his head and pushed his mop of hair back from his face where it’d stuck from the previously earned sweat from the show.

“C’mon Eddie.” She purrs, his eyes looking into hers while he keeps his tongue vehemently on her nipple with an open heavy breathing mouth. “I’ve got a better idea for you to suck on my tits.” She pulls his hair gently to move his face away and a small helpless sound escapes him. “You like that?” A wicked bright smile appears on her face.

“Uh-huh.” He exhaled from his still open mouth. She maneuvered his head up to kiss him then stood him up before letting go.

“Good to know.” She took him by his shoulders and turned him, his back to the bed. “You like it a little rough too?” She sounded patronizing but he liked that even more.

“Yeah.” He gave a lop-sided grin.

“You like being a baby boy? Getting pushed around?” Her lips pout at him while she undoes his jeans.

“Wuh-uh-juh-“ he stuttered and she couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“I’m trying to see what you’re into Eddie.” She less directly explained. She pats his cheek. “You have a safe word?”

“Are we gonna be doing stuff that requires a safe word?” His eyes went a bit wide then she pulled down his jeans and he took the cue to strip off.

“Safe words are good for anything. But I will warn you, if I’m in the right headspace I might slap you or something and I don’t want to hurt you.” He blinked blankly for a moment.

“How hard?” His chin pushed into his neck in question.

“Turn around and get on the bed.” She grinned. He side-eyed her playfully cautiously and she motioned for him to turn. He obeys and she smacks his cute little ass as she crawled up the bed. He did it quickly, flopping onto his side and watching her. “About that hard.” She shrugged.

“Barely felt it.” he shook his head and smiled, hair moving behind his shoulders.

“What kind of dirty talk do you like?”

“You could say fuckin anything to me when you’re naked and I’m gonna agree.” He made her laugh but she kept slow movements with her hands to take her jeans off as he followed them intently.

“You like being the bottom then? One who gets all loved up, fucked, and roughed up.” She spoke with an anticipatory cadence, hands sliding under the waist of her jeans and slowly sliding them down her hips.

“I’m a big fan of all those things.” he grins and watches the swell of her hips slowly become visible to him. His cock jumped at the anticipation of finally seeing her naked. “Holy shit.” his voice inflected upward, not exactly the praise she’d expected. “You’ve got a tattoo.” he sat up to lean forward and look closer. He put a hand to her hip, thumb rubbing over the small star on her butt cheek.

“Oh, right.” she chuckled. “Yeah, I do.”

“Star’s got a star.” he leaned forward to take the edge of her jeans and pull them down over her ass to kiss the small outlined tattoo. He made a small hungry sound and held both her hips and another more lingering kiss was planted.

“You do love your tattoos.” she hummed at the attention he gave her.

“I do.” he softly exhaled. “Mmph. It suits you.” he backed away and gave her a good wobble with his hand before leaning back onto the bed. “Makes all that look even better somehow.” he motioned his hand to her backside while she looked back and smirked, pulling her jeans the rest of the way down.

“You into pain since you’re so into tattoos?”

“I’m not… not.” he smirked.

“What if I wanted to give that pretty fucked out face a slap? Or pull your hair? Do you like being bitten? Some love bites?” she watched him mesmerized and getting hard before she laced her legs out of the jeans and turned back to face him.

“All of the above.” His lip curls slightly, genuine enthusiasm for the topic at hand. “I do like the hair pulling. This..” he swallows as if his mouth is going dry as she crawls up the bed toward him. “ …dirty talk you’re doing.”

“Calling you pretty boy?” He nodded almost bashfully, eyes now on her tits knocking together as she straddled his hips, his cock growing snugly between her cheeks. “Soft pet names for the pretty princess then.” She pouted hers and leaned forward, her thumb to his lips. “I bet a nice boy like you likes being told he’s good too, huh? You a good boy Eddie?” She asks her thumb now tracing his lips.

“Shit.” He muttered. “Yeah, I like that.” He almost chuckled as he said it, his words being forced out with a tightening of his stomach.

“I knew you’d be a sub.” She grinned.

“I wouldn’t say that.” He adds with darting eyes and hovering hands as he tries to figure out where to look and touch. “Sometimes I’m in the mood to be more dominant, ya know? I could do to you what you’re talking about doing to me. And I am having a very hard time remembering how English works right now with you like this.” He purses his lips and rubbed her hips in his hands. She chuckled and leaned forward to kiss him, a finger under his chin to lift it to her.

“You just keep making those noises I like so much. Pretty boys don’t have to talk.” She shook her head and nuzzled her nose against his before kissing his neck. “You can get rough with me later, I don’t mind.” She hummed and sighed between kisses.

He felt a shudder travel down his body. He let himself melt into the feeling of her lips working against his throat, from his ears to his Adam’s Apple she licked and sucked and he soaked up every bit of it. He was now hard, assuming leaking with how he’s feel the twinge in his muscles making his cock jump against her ass every time he heard her murmur against his skin.

The kisses began migrating down to spread across his collar bones, the round of his shoulders while she felt him up like a teenager in the backseat at a drive-in. He’s enjoying the feeling of her hands soft and grasping against every part of him they could reach. She slowly scoot backward, giggling when he groaned at the contact of his needy cock against her warm center as she kissed her way down his torso. She stopped for a quick suck of his nipple which made him jump. She raised her head.

“Bad?” She asked, her hand rubbing his nipple as of trying to soothe it.

“Noone's ever done that before.” His brow was a little low, showing his confusion. She lowered her head again and lapped over him with a smile before sucking his nipple into her mouth again.

“Good?” She asked, her tongue flicking it now hard under her tongue.

“Good.” He nodded the tiniest bit breathless. She plays with him for a bit, a back and forth of sucking one nipple while lightly twisting the other just like he did her. The way his toes curled and his legs became restless let her know he was enjoying it. She didn’t spend too long in one spot though. She dragged her chest over his wanting cock. A single muttered swear escaped him as she let her nipple graze against his head. She assumed her position, ass in the air and her mouth kissing his hip bones.

“What about you?” He asks, surprising her, her focus snapped.

“Me?”

“You can't suck me then fuck me, Star.” He stated definitively as he moves lithely on the bed, kneeling to switch their places. “What kind of a man do take me for?” He said with faux offense. He moves her with gentle suggesting hands to lay back. “You’re not taking my cock until I’ve gotten you good and ready.” A smile grew slowly across her pinked lips but her eyes grew darker.

“Okay, not a total sub.” He could hear the effect on her in her voice. “I like it when you talk like that.” She tugged down a pillow behind her and spread her legs wide for him.

“When I talk about my cock?” She bit her lip and nodded.

“And a little bossy, yeah.” Her tits pressed together by her arm as she raised up to watch him. Her hand ran down her middle as he laid belly down on the bed, one leg hitched up to make room for his cock.

“So you like hearing what I’m going to do to you?”

“Very much.” She nodded and gave her clit a few circles with her fingers. “I also love watching you go down on me.”

“You like it when I eat you out?”

“Is that even a question?” She grinned and gave him the same response he had her. She saw the confident smile as he kissed her inner thigh and ran his fingers across her impossibly soft hair.

“You talk about me being pretty.” He says with his lips to her inner thighs, kissing their way inward. “What about you? Can I talk about how fuckin hot you are?” His arm reaches up and caresses her stomach. With teasing tickling kisses he pecks his way to her clit, causing a tiny gasp to escape her. “This flower of a pussy is gorgeous.” He let his tongue lap up the slender column of her clit and its hood. He stayed paced and building and waited until her eyes rolled back. “Look at me, Star.” he pulled his hands away from teasing her nipples to spread her lips apart and get a better connection to her clit. She moaned. As she exhaled, looking at his warm brown eyes. There’s a light and mischief to them that made her want to be bad with him too. “You like watching me? I like it too.” He spoke against her thighs, his face rubbing into their softness as he slicked his fingers with the wetness between her lips before pushing them in. The first unfiltered loud moan of the night erupted from her. Her eyes struggled to focus and not roll back as he spoke softly into her sensitive inner thighs between rounds of sucking her clit. All the while a slow pump of his fingers made her hold her legs back to give her better access. As soon as she pulled her knees back he moaned against her clit and put one large hand on her ass, kneading it as he groaned into her softness.

“Fuck I can really feel it this time.” she starts her tiny tremors from waves of pleasure beginning to lap away at her.

“Couldn’t get in there as deep the first time.” He talks, almost slurs against her as he feels his desire growing. “Having to eat your pussy in the middle of a session.” He tsks her and she whimpers. “Should’ve waited and I could’ve fucked you.” Her toes wiggle and she mewls happily. “Fuck I can’t wait for you to cum around my cock instead of my fingers.” He moans, losing himself in feeling her take him in so eagerly with her body.

“You better stop if you don’t want me to cum on your fingers too.”

“Does it feel good sweetheart? Tell me how good it feels.” She felt her hips buck at his pleading tone.

“So good.” She moans. “Those strong fingers are too good, Eddie. You’re so good with your hands.” she laments to the open air of the room.

He grins and growls playfully, a smile on his face when she meets his gaze again.

“Am I playing this pussy like a guitar?” he grins and she responds with the same smile and lets her head fall back a second. There was something so contagious about his boyish charm when he put it on show.

“I’d say better but ugh- fuck I don’t think you could. So fucking good Eddie, shit.” She whined. “I’m gonna cum already you asshole.” She laughed and pushed her hair out of her flushed face. A masculine laugh left his chest and made her shake.

“You wanna cum on my fingers?” He pounds into her a little harder and she reaches to grab the sheets with white knuckles.

“No, I wanna cum on your cock.” It comes out as slutty as she felt it. “I want to ride you so bad Eddie. I wanna feel you so deep. I wanna cum on your cock over and over.” Her hips began to roll. She moaned, feeling the pulsing inside her he knew she was close and talking herself over the edge whether she meant to or not. He slid out his fingers and put the wetness onto his cock as he pumped it into his fist.

“C’mon baby,” he says without thinking and slaps her hip. “Come take it.” They both scramble and switch places, he awaited her with his cock in his hand as she got her balance over him. His tongue flicked out in focus, his brow low over his eyes and his hair a mess.

Star's body was as ready as it could be for him. She knew not to let impatience win or she’s be waddling tomorrow. She rests one knee up and one down, giving her leverage to aim and then lower herself. She feels him line up, his head and her hole, as she begins a process that requires patience that she does not have. She lets out a little squeak as she feels herself engulf his thick tip.

“You okay?” She looks up to see Eddie s concerned face. She’d almost forgotten he was there too, watching her and worried. He’d be concerned he was too big and she was reminded to make sure he knew that wasn’t the case when it came to her.

“Better than okay.” She gives him a brief smile before locking her lips and humming. “You got my pussy so greedy, I just want to swallow you up.” She scrunches her nose affectionately and puts a hand on his chest for balance. She starts a steady push, feeling the tightness in her body, and her nerve endings not knowing whether to register it as pleasure or pain. She reached to rub her clit, feeling herself open up again as she relaxed. While rubbing her clit her body ached for more of him. She gladly obliged. “Fuck that’s good.” She gritted out, a slow but consistent push of her hips down the entire length of him.

She felt the tight grip he’d held in worry on her thighs loosen.

“Fuck, Eddie.” She let out a lustful sigh, resting her other knee on the bed now as well. Her eyes were closed in concentration, mouth open and letting every good sound leave freely for him to hear. “That’s it.” She sighed, feeling her hips rest against his. “Fits just fuckin right.” She purred and squoze herself around him. After a wiggle of her hips, she runs her hands up and down her body as she begins to lift off his cock. “That's it.” She whispered, concentrating and letting the stretch adjust, by the third slow drag upward she was feeling the fullness with nothing but pleasure. “God damn that’s a good dick, Munson.” She gathered herself, now putting her hands to his chest as she could find a rhythm. “You’ve got some nerve having a dick this good.” She moved to grab his chin and his eyes were fully dilated and feeding her ego with the bold adoration in them. He let out a sound that wasn’t a yelp, his hands shaking on her thighs. “Is it as good for you as it is for me?”

“Fuck Star.” He groaned and his eyes fluttered. “You feel so good.” He sounded as if he might be in pain. “It’s so good you’re so god damn hot. So wet.” He watched where their bodies continuously joined. He sees her fingers move down to rub her clit.

“I can feel this pussy just getting wetter.” Her voice was softer, one of his hands moving to twist her nipple and the other feeling the solid wobble of her ass against him. Her confidence falters in appearance from the already surging forward orgasm she’d neglected earlier. Her hips falter in their bouncing, her muscles starting to twitch again. She reached out to put her hand on the wall above his head. She pulled a pillow under his head to prop him up. “Suck on my tits, Eddie.” It’s a sigh of a request, holding herself up and getting the leverage to slam herself down on him with a clap of skin against skin. He does as he’s told and feeds her tits into his mouth to moan around them. “Ohmygod.” He hears above him, he watches her with a serene face, eyes closed, and hair a curtain around it. She let’s her moans out freely, they build quickly, her hips moving faster. She starts grinding herself against him and he’s groaning at being ridden in a carnal way he wasn’t used to. He felt like she was using his body for her own pleasure, but he didn’t mind in the least.

“Unf!” He lets out as he tries to speak and she moans the sound, her eyes opening to meet his.

“I love those pretty moans, pretty boy.” She grins and runs her hand through his hair.

“You feel so good.” He gently confesses.

“You like it when I grind my pussy on your big cock so I can cum?”

“Oh, cum, Star please.” Her body shudders when he says it and she feels it quickly approaching.

“I’m close.” It comes out more desperate than she meant but she couldn’t care less. “I can feel you in my fucking stomach.” She moans and puts his hand on her lower belly where he can feel the displacement inside her. “That’s so hot. I'm So full of your cock.” She reassures him and he whimpers and it feeds her orgasm more. “I'm gonna cum so hard Eddie. Shit.” She growled. “Grab my hips.” She orders with a slap To his chest. “Hard. Don’t be fucking nice.” She had found a mix of grins and bounces to rub her clit against his body and have him knock back and forth inside her enough to hit her elusive spots.

“Fuck!” He gritted out, veins popping out in his lean arms wheel he grabbed her hips bones and moved her on top Of him. “Jesus Christ Star you’re getting so tight. Shit.” He squinted his eyes to try not to cum, when she let out a quiet sob they shoot back open to watch her fall apart.

“Just like that.” She whined, holding his hair at his crown, the other still Against the wall. “You’re such a good boy.” She panted out. “You’re gonna make me cum.” It sounded almost like a laugh. “Fuck yes Eddie ohmygod!” She cried. He watched her body fight with itself. The desperate need to keep her hips moving against him, which is where his strong grip on them came into play. Her back bowed and chest heaved, her whole body gave over and he was awestruck by the sight of her. Her mouth did nothing but moan and say yes, Eddie on repeat. The praise alone was enough to make him blow his top but he was so desperately hanging on and savoring the vision of her coming apart around him.

She startled him with a loud gasp and her eyes flew back open. She wheezed to catch her breath and ran her hand through her hair.

“Holy shit.” She squeaked out. “Fuh-uhh ck yes.” It was as if she grew fangs for a moment with a deepening of her voice and snarling of her teeth. She moved her eyes down to his and saw that strung-out and fighting face she wanted. “You feel that?” She asked, grabbing his chin. “I know you can feel me running down your balls.” His mouth held open by his grip on him moaned at the words.

“Wanna make you cum again.” He pants out. “Before I cum.”

“Then make me.” She narrowed her eyes and grinned wickedly at him. “Make me cum on your big cock, pretty boy.” She shook his head, fingers dipping into his plush mouth for a moment and moaning at the sight. “Fuck me, Eddie. Fuck me hard. Give me a little mean.” She cooed and put her hand to her throat. “Let me see the indents of those rings on my neck.” She moaned as he gave her a little shake.

“You want fucked hard?” His voice had a little more oomph to it. She squeals devilishly.

“As hard as you can.” She challenged.

“Get on all fours.” He slapped her ass and she moved quickly, ass up and bouncing it at him as he lined up behind her. He pushed in and her arms shook.

“Holy Shit.” She bellowed.

He slides his arm up her back and put his hand on her throat. “You tell me if-“

“Do it, pussy.” Her laugh was cut off by his hand on her neck and his dick starting at a harsh pace.

“She loves to run her fucking mouth doesn’t she?” He grunted as he felt her sounds very muffled in her throat.

“Yes”. She called out.

“Fuck me I’m not gonna be able to get enough of this pussy, Star. Look at you.” He moaned and bit his lip, watching himself sink into her. “That little pussy grips on so fuckin tight and won’t let go.”

“Hit me.” She cried out. She felt him hesitate. “Spank me.” She moaned out as his grip loosened on her throat.

“You want choked or you want spanked? Make up your mind.”

“Spank.” She whined. “Hips. Hold My hips. Fucking tight.” She pleaded. She could feel herself approaching another orgasm from being sensitive from the first. He raised a hand and hit her ass with a loud snap. Luckily it was met with a deep mewl and her arms started to fail.

“Yes”. She threw her head back, hair fanning out over her back. He lands another, his hips pistoning. “Your balls slapping against my clit feels so fucking good.” She whimpered and another spank and a growl was his answer. Eddie was hanging on by a thread. Damned and determined to make her cum again but hold out long enough for himself.

“God dammit… you’re gonna make me cum.” He panted out with pauses that matched the beating of his hips into hers.

“Shit. You’re so good damned deep Eddie.” She whined, whatever came into her horny head falling out of her mouth. He gave her another spank and her elbows buckled.

“That’s it.” He moaned loudly. “M’gonna fuck you into this mattress. Make you take this big dick.” He hears a new sound muffled into the covers. She reached between her legs to get to her clit, she only needed a tiny push over the edge.

“Fuck yes more.” She gasped when she turned her head. “More talk like that.”

“You just want to hear about what a little whore you’re being for me don’t you?” He wasn’t sure if it was too harsh but feeling her seize around him answered him quickly.

“Fuck. Yes. I do.” She mewled and moaned. Eddie got it now. In the middle of teetering on the edge of an orgasm, it clicked.

“You’re such a bad girl, Star. Wanting to get fucked like this.”

Another new sound. One of agreement and wordless and he felt her begin to shake. If she thought he was a good boy, then that made her a bad girl.

“Is this what you wanted huh? Bent over and-“ he hit each cheek hard once. “Spanked?”

“More.” She choked out.

“No. No more.” He grabbed her hips with both hands and pounded into her with no mercy. “So bossy.” He grunted. “Shut up and take my cock.” He groaned out between thrusts as she came around him. This one wasn’t as loud but by god, her whole body shook. Her thighs usually vibrated when she came but this one took her tip to tail. He had no choice but to grunt and groan like an animal as he came inside her. He heard her a mewling mess as she started to have tremors and aftershocks.

She brought out something in him he didn’t explore very often and he relished the experience. He let his hips stutter against her and kept his grip hard on the wide-set hip bones he could just feel under her soft curves. The music played for a few moments with no interruptions from a squeaking bed or dirty talk. They both gasped and smacked their dry mouths as they caught their breath. She feels his hands soften against her, feeling the heat from his body hunched over hers leave.

“Shit.” His voice was strained. He sat back on his knees and rubbed his face before pushing back his hair.

“Mmph.”Is the only response she managed with her face mushed into the mattress. She couldn’t bring herself to move yet, her soaked center on display for him as he watched himself slowly drip out of her. He groaned, his cock twitching exhausted against his thigh. He reaches out his thumb to gently stroke her slit, a small drag over her clit while he admires his work.

She spasms, hips bouncing for a moment the moment he touches her clit. He gives it another light stroke just to see her ass jiggle again.

“Eddie.” she whimpered, letting out a cry so soft and sweet he lead down to give a kiss to the star tattoo on her ass. He gives her reddened cheeks a gentle rub before his hand drags up her back and he flops onto the bed beside her.

“You okay?” He chuckled and rubs her nearly welted hip.

“M’Great.” She sighed and then started to laugh. “Just Lemme.” She whimpered and moved her arms and legs, turning her hips and falling into much the same position as him. “There.” She exhaled noisily and rest her head on her arm.

“That…” he nodded, a smile that beamed down at her from his face perched on his hand made her smile back. “Was fun.” he lets out a dumb deep chuckle.

“As much as I would find it funny to disagree I wholeheartedly can’t.” she hid her face and smiled. “That was…” she mumbles into her arm. “Better than I had anticipated.”

“What the hell does that mean?” he shoved her shoulder. “You didn’t expect me to be any good?”

“Don’t put words in my mouth,” she grunted and raised up like he was. “I didn’t think it’d be bad. To clarify. For your ego.” she rolled her eyes but her lips were smiling warmly. “As much credit as I willingly give you for being a good guy you are still a guy and maybe I underestimated your… giving nature and how well we’d play off each other.”

“That’s a lot of words to say thanks for the great fuck, Eddie.” he smirked. He got a full laugh out of her and she rolled to her back.

“Thanks for the great fuck, Eddie. It was fun. I had a wonderful time. I’d say can’t wait to do it again but my ass is on fire.” she hissed and turned to give him her back, rubbing a burning cheek.

“The lady asked and I provided.” he defended himself.

“Not a complaint.” she swung her legs over the side of the bed to sit up and turned her face to give him an almost blushing smile. “We gotta get this makeup off.” she groaned as she stood. She shook her legs out and he swooned at the sight of her naked body. “C’mon.” she motioned for him to follow with her hand

“I think you’ve figured out how to get me to do anything you ask.” he says as he rolls and hops to trot after her as she headed to the bathroom. She grabbed a washcloth and soaked it, the cabinet light buzzing as they crowded into the small space.

“I do love some good old-fashioned bribery.” she grinned and rubbed around his eyes. He hummed contently at the warmth of her hands and the cloth. She doted on him like a mother, holding his face and then handing off the cloth for him to finish it off. She did the same to herself, scrubbing the eye makeup off. A yawn quickly overtook her after.

“Shit, it’s probably late.” his eyes darted around, still feeling mentally awake but his body was satisfied and tired.

“You mind if I stay the night?” she asked casually. He tilted his head like a puppy at her and gave her eyes of the same origin.

“No. I’d love that.” he openly admitted.

“I would too.” she turned and put her hand on his chest. “Now if you’ll excuse me I have to pee.”

He’d checked the locks and turned out the lights, making the bed useable since they’d thrown everyone on it around. She walks in and joins him without a word, turning to switch off the tableside lamp.

“You mind?” her voice was sleepy and soft as he felt her hand reach out to find him in the dark.

“Mm?”

“I’d like some aftercare please.” he heard the giggle in her voice and swooped his arm wide to pull them together.

“What would people think if they knew you wanted to snuggle after sex?” he teased and she more aggressively wrapped herself around him than usual.

“I’d say they don’t know how nice skin-to-skin contact is.” she sighed out contently, an arm around his waist, her to his chest. Another change in their usual routine. She was known to pull Eddie’s head into her tits and keep him there to sleep in her bed. But he found himself lacking in the softness of his chest as he laid back and let her mush her face into him. Her leg was thrown over him, as much of their bodies touching as possible. “S’nice.” she mumbled against one of his tattoos.

“It is.” he sighed.

“Night, pretty boy.” she yawned and let out a noisy sigh as she snuggled her face against him, a little squeeze before settling.

“Night, sweetheart.” he kissed the top of her head, neck bent to keep his nose as close to buried in her hair as he could. His hand ran through her hair slowly, lazily and they both felt the tension finally leave their bodies in totality. Star's eyes rolled back behind closed lids at the feeling of him playing with her hair. She was acutely aware of how hot his skin was to hers. She savored the way the blanket lay soft and warm on them and the air chilled where it hit bare skin. It was so quiet and almost blackout dark. She fell asleep without having to try.

With Star's breathing slow and steady against him, he knew she'd fallen asleep already. Knowing she was comfortable, he let his mind finally slow down. Feeling her skin so soft and her body so plush against his harder one made something ache in his chest. He'd been so neglected of physical affection before she showed up. Now he had not only the company of another body touching his but now skin-to-skin contact. Something so vital to humans they rush babies as soon as they're born to their mother's chest for them to feel it. He felt a bit like a child with her like this. There was something so foreign about the need being met but the feeling of being home hummed happily in his brain, soothing his rapidly moving thoughts. He couldn't help but snug his arm around her, pulling her closer, and slipped his hand into hers on his chest. She made no protest. It was the best either had slept in ages.

Part 8

(Yes, this is exactly what I had in mind when I had him say this in the story lol)

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[ardourie]

hi I'm sorry if this is a dumb question but do u think if trump were to win and he'd continue to support the attack on palestine, that there would be a more effective opposition from within the US and foreign countries towards the US involvement.

I know ofc that Trump winning would come with lots of other problems but since his reputation is much worse than Biden's, and Trump would be more acceptable to be scrutinized in international media, it might be easier for other governments to intervene and call the US out on their war crimes in some kind of twisted way.

hi not a dumb question at all, i personally think it’s a toss up, other countries have attempted to intervene in foreign affairs that america has had hands in whether or not a republican or democrat was in office so it isn’t fully a matter of whose leading it, that said tho i feel we had more out in medical when trump was president doing the same things that democrats were, you have to understand that a lot of the powers for each country ultimately want white supremacy / capitalism to continue, so resistance is entirely dependent on how far america goes in interfering and what specifically they are interfering with.

obvious disclaimer i dont want trump as president just like i dont want biden as president, but i know for a fact i had never seen more white ppl and liberals in general taking to the streets and fighting for change than when trump was in office, and that is bc overt racism makes people uncomfortable while quiet racism is generally acceptable, rn with the genocide in gaza while some countries are speaking up the overwhelming majority is turning away for mostly money / economy reasons, and these reasons will be the same when and if a republican takes up the mantle, the only thing i can see making world leaders actually do meaningful meetings is from war on their own soil and i dont want it to come to that obviously, but i think trump being in office is one of the only things that will get citizens here to wake up again, bc this place has a tendency to go to sleep when someone blue is in office

[richardazer]

im not sure if youve done this already but can we get some GazPrice headcannons? (with Fin the SD ofc)

OMG OMG YES!!!

Warning before I start the madness, I don't have much headcanon about the actual game world, I do not like military shit so everything I have is off duty or my AUs

Also I've never done this before, my ideas aren't really coherent but I hope I can satisfy with what I have :3

First lets start with the Fin time-line:

For those who haven't seen I've posted art of Gaz, Price and John's service dog Fin.

HCs:

Gaz went into the job expecting not to make it, he was prepared to be damaged, either physically or mentally so he took really good care of himself

Price was the opposite, he thought he was strong and untouchable but with each dead comrade his mind began taking a lot of damage

I like making strong men pathetic and weak so that was the reason Gaz caught Price's eye. Price noticed a sturdy, strong, safe oasis in the middle of battlefield, that's why he was drawn to him and Gaz quickly became his favorite because he wanted to make the world a better place and was ready to change the world with his own hands

Obviously after working for so long they got closer and closer and Gaz couldn't NOT fall for soft papa bear that Price turned out to be off duty hehhe

Kyle single handedly dragged him into therapy because he was the only one who saw how much weight and damage John was carrying on his shoulders

Obviously with so much support work became easier to handle but years of trauma aren't going to go away and Kyle can't be the only one to take care of the old man lol

Fin was recommended by Price's therapist and she is his helper on base

Off duty Price gets to let go and not be ashamed of ptsd because he has people who will help and support him through it, just like he supported them for all these years

I think at some point Price would be permanently moved to base because he's no longer fitted for the battlefield

(you can clearly see I have 0 idea of how military works nor do I know the game's lore lol)

Fin is there to guide him in the buildings, lead him to quiet places when he's stressed, remind him to take breaks (Price is a workaholic). I don't know much about ptsd dogs so Fin headcanons need me to do a lot of research before even attempting to write them down. (I'm so sorry there's not much for Fin 😭)

As for personalities or little silly ideas:

John is a big softie who tries so hard to fit in and be a dad to everyone, got his piercings during his relationship with Gaz (cried when getting his helix) he's always trying to be on the same wave as Gaz and ends up learning so much internet slang because of it, never uses it properly on purpose to make Kyle laugh his ass off. Gaz makes him learn kpop dances (Gaz and Ghost are very big twice fans shhh)

Gaz is very much stuck being a boy. He's very serious when needed to be but the rest of the time he's a silly goofy spoiled babygirl. Got his piercings right after getting into 141 as celebration, hid them from Price and Laswell very well for 2 months and then forgot to change them to silicone studs one day and got caught. Soap is his buddy and they run around pranking people and constantly compete with each other on who can burp the loudest

They love talking care of each other and Kyle is especially in love with captain's beard so when they have time they let themselves groom each other like cats, aka Gaz takes good care of John's beard using a brush and oils and giving the man a massage. In return Price takes care of Kyle's body, his rough strong careful hands are perfect for giving the younger man a proper relaxing massage

Gaz's teasing nature really blooms with Price because he knows that he can get away with so much. Throwing a joke or flirting here and there or just straight up touching Price has only good consequences for Kyle. Price adores him to no end and always asks for his view on almost any situation. John is all ears all the time because he loves his voice and genuinely wants to know what Gaz is thinking about. Even picking ice-cream flavors or a movie to watch becomes a very deep philosophical dialog

They don't tend to argue, even during missions it's aggressive dialogs instead of fighting. Gaz knows Price is the captain and he has so much more hand on experience and Price knows that Gaz would have a fresher, modern, more flexible view on the situation. Gaz is very observant and Price is constantly amazed at his ability to see the whole picture

More interesting headcanons from my chainsaw man AU if yall interested:

Gaz is a hunter/hunt devil because only humans hunt for fun and people are terrified of getting hunted >:3

Price (a human) literally saw him, said "you're pretty cool" and YOINKED him from the fucking government

In the AU the government catches all devils it can to study or use as weapons and since other countries started using devils in battles and just regular humans get into deals with devils to cause terror the government created special forces

141 is a test group lead by John Price and has a lot of powerful devils

Gaz has Makima eyes because I said so they're cool and glow in the dark

His abilities include: night/heat vision, hearing heartbeats and obviously inhuman strength and speed he's the hunt devil after all tracking down pray is so easy

He and Price have a deal no one knows about because all deals with devils must be approved by the government

The deal is that if Price dies so does Gaz so they can be together in hell (this man doesn't know chainsaw man lore either what did you expect lol)

What Price doesn't know is that Gaz spends more time protecting him than completing assignments hehhe

Fun bonus is dumb tiktok audio idea:

- you can hear heartbeats?

- can hear yours too, beating pretty fast~

GAY GAY GAY

alright madness over thanks for reading hope you enjoyed :]

[rinhaler]

The anon who just found out u were fuwushiguro here!!

Yes I absolutely understand the frustration from not performing as well with follower count to likes ratio - as an artist who used to be quite popular and likes went from thousands to only like seventy. At some point you feel like you’re not doing it for you, but actually for others. I’m happy you realised the happiness can come from writing and not only hate.

The friend who left you I can also relate to a bit, my ex best friend of 6 years also left me quite recently and it was like there was an empty hole in me because even if you’re not friends anymore, your brain can’t quite handle the change. I’m so sorry that happened to you, but the greatest challenge is to not only hold yourself to one person but to be open and try new possibilities, and that’s what you’ve seemed to done! You have new friends, new mental attitude, and a brand new beautiful blog (that I love the theme of btw!!!) You’re doing great and will continue to do so, because if there are 100 rinhaler fans I’m one of them, if there are 10 rinhaler fans I’m one of them and if there are none, I’m dead.

Also to the question you had, idk it’s just the way you describe certain things..? It’s hard to explain, I have about 50 fanfic blogs that I really love the writing of and fuwushiguro was one of them. Your world building, character description as well as development, SO GOOD!! And your wusyaname series was amazing, I used to check your blog religiously for any updates, and I’m happy you’re reuploading them here bc now I’m gonna reread them every week!

Also the way you wrote yuuji in the aita!sukuna fic was extremely similar to the first few chapters in wusyaname before he goes on that trip (if I remember right)

Have a great day/night :D

omg ARTIST AAAAAA im obsessed I'd love to see your stuff if you ever feel comfortable sharing with me sometime but no pressure ofc! I know it's very personal! ive been trying to get more into art but im finding it hard to balance practicing art stuff and writing. I also have massive art insecurity bc I don't think I'm good enough (same with my writing) so I totally understand if u wanna keep it all to yourself but go you for being a talented babe <3

interactions on tumblr suck and I'm starting to be able to tell myself it's purely luck what performs well and what doesn't, so I'm finding it a lot easier to write things I actually want to write now rather than what I think my followers will like.

Also yeah in regard to my friend, we were online friends and we'd only known each other for around two years but god i adored her and i still do tbh. I think about her and our memories all of the time we were so so close so her decision to just randomly cut me off really hurt. I'd love to talk to her again but I know I have to respect her decision and I wish her the best!

It's been a good opportunity to get back into writing so at least something nice has come from something so sad. And I love this little space so much! I'm glad you like my theme! It was greenish at first n i was like nope this aint the one i am a pink girl through and through!

ALSO AAAA THE WAY IM BLUSHING ABT AITA YUUJI BEING LIKE WUSYANAME YUUJI UR SO RIGHT 😩 definitely not intentional but god maybe i missed him more than i thought! I'm so excited to be reposting it though it's going to be like living through the magic of it all again and hearing what everyone thinks and stuff! I haven't read it in so long so I feel like I'm right there with you all hehehe

anyway thank you for supporting me always ur literally the best i adore u pls take care of urself mwah mwah mwah

[hiveswap]

Ok sorry to do this again despite admitting I don't know shit the first time (I'm the "isn't it both" anon) but I had some more thoughts.

So, even tho being ex eastern bloc is defo relevant for certain analyses of current situations, I don't think it should play too hard into tryna determine whether a country you aren't from can be considered eastern Europe (tho i think it's valid to bring into it if it's about your own country probably? I am not a politically versed person) and one of the reasons I say this is that my mum is from Saxony which was part of the GDR.

The family had been preparing to leave for years and eventually did so a few months before reunification (kinda hilarious tbh) and I myself grew up in (former) western germany (tho i was born years after reuni anyway) so I never lived in the GDR or even in any former GDR states myself but my mother has always shared a lot of stories but that's besides the point.

And like... nobody is calling the ex GDR states (let alone germany as a whole) eastern Europe. There's even ppl who consider us western Europe (I think we're pretty firmly central but tbh western vs central as a distinction isn't as important (bc I do know central vs eastern carries a lot more weight n stuff) so I don't really care) despite part of our country having been eastern bloc. So when people (specifically non ex eastern bloc folks, you're obviously fine) use it as an argument it feels hypocritical.

And obviously ex GDR states had the support of other german states so it was much easier for them to recover but imo the modern day economics are way closer to helping determine whether a country is eastern Europe? Not geographically obvs but in my mind (feel free to correct me) eastern european is kinda like asian in that it shouldn't be an important distinction going by geography but in terms of politics and dynamics and stuff it very much is and it matters.

Like, eastern europeans, at least within Europe, dunno how true it is elsewhere, are kinda oppressed? Like, if I meet a western european (esp an english person) they're prolly not gonna be xenophobic to me when I tell them where I'm from but if I was like Belarusian or something, they might. And then there's the economic stuff and also like social progression.

I've heard a lot about eg LGBT rights in Hungary and stuff like that and no shade or anything ofc, especially to the LGBT ppl living there such as (i think?) yourself and the other Hungarians I follow, but it does feel a lot less progressive.

Things aren't perfect here either or anything but they're getting better, we've had marriage equality for same sex couples (not (all) nb or intersex ppl tho) for over half a decade, forced trans sterilisation was declared unconstitutional 12 years ago and we're finally getting that self-determination bill put into place next year and then I can get that d. D stands for diverse in this case, it's our third legal gender (tho we also have "none", none gender can't get married)

Meanwhile transitioning in Hungary was outlawed three years ago and there's plenty of other countries where it's still a struggle and all in all it just feels kinda... distinct? Like how scandinavian (or nordic in general) countries feel like they're on a different economic and societal level from us(excl), the latter especially in regards to sexism, education and incarceration but also other stuff.

Obvs there's always so many factors but it's always felt to me like they were, forgive me for simplifying, the "higher" tier of europeans in at least those areas compared to my life in central Europe. Grass is always greener somewhere I guess. But I'm gonna get back on track.

So even tho geographically it's hard to argue that Hungary isn't central Europe, I think it might be politically. And it's not the only country that feels like this to me, like eg Romania is geographically southeast but politically I personally view it as firmly eastern tho obvs I'm no authority.

Anyway, sorry this got so long lmao I have not been awake for long yet and my brain's a little squished lol. Hope this wasn't a completely useless read, sorry if it was. Keep on keeping on 👍

Oh hi i got scared for a sec when i saw that i got a whole block of text. I'm not really up to politics talk rn, but what you're saying makes a lot of sense to me!! Though i havent seen anyone consider romania central before, i've always thought of the border between us as the edge of central europe. Probably because of the timezone difference ngl

[champagnepodiums]

in ur opinion, did u find daniel replacing nyck more likely than him replacing checo? i personally hate these situations bcs i think we as fans forget that this is someone’s dreams and livelihood regardless of who we support. but for the sake of discussion and without pointing fingers at the pilots themselves.

imo, i kind of see why it was nyck that was axed instead of checo.

yes nyck is a rookie so it is arguable that his ‘mistakes’ or ‘underperformance’ is not as significant as checo’s underperformance this season. but i think it all comes down to market/sponsorship/fan base. bcs lets be real, rbr does not have the privilege or the stupidity to cut off the one latin american pilot in the grid after years of no latinx representation in a majority white sport. checo literally is the key or sole player for the latin american market in F1.

ofc daniel has more(?) fans (again, arguable since i think most support him are ‘casual’ fans instead of die hard bias-type), but we’re talking about potentially alienating or irritating a whole population (i use the term ‘population’ very loosely here, because it might not be everyone but even those who might not be a big fan may be supporting him solely on race and nationality). the geopolitical/geosocial impact of axing the premier latinx pilot on the grid? the accusation of racism that might come into play with such axing? rbr does NOT have the PR team nor the political (and arguably financial) power to return from such accusations. not saying daniel couldn't attrack the same financial support, but again regional celebrity representing a whole racial community kind of is a big deal. (note: this is slightly different from lewis’ case regarding racism because his UK market is pretty divided imo, and the current F1 fans have definitely moved away from his fanbase into newer or fresher pilots. not to say his celebrity/icon status is low, but it’s relevancy has deff diminished within the F1 sphere. even during his height, i think any pushback from lewis or his fans were responded lightly by F1).

and in comparison with nyck, does rbr need another dutch fanbase when mv has dominated the market with his orange sea? no, probably not. and i’m not saying that marketing is the sole reason why it was nyck instead of checo, but this route would’ve given the more palatable or easier situation to contain. rbr has to either placate a ‘no-name’ rookie with little established fanbase, or they have to placate a senior pilot with a regional/continental(?) fanbase and sponsorship (one of them being a billionaire).

Yeah, I think it was always way more likely that Daniel would replace Nyck vs Checo.

As bad at PR as RBR tends to be, for all the reasons that you've stated, there is no way they'd replace Checo mid-season. Especially when he is underperforming but not to the point that they're at risk of losing the constructor title.

Could I see RBR buying out the rest of Checo's contract after this season -- yeah. It would suck for Checo but at least he'd be compensated for it (and could use the money to find another seat etc).

I would give anything to be a fly on the wall at AlphaTauri -- like I'm wondering if there is pressure from the sponsors about the lack of performance etc and Daniel is the solution to that. Because like even if Daniel doesn't get good results (because like the poor man is not a miracle worker, this is not a jab at Daniel), the exposure that the sponsors will get should satisfy them and distract them from AT's horrible horrible car. And RBR/AT has invested lots of time and money into Yuki so ofc Nyck is the obvious choice to get booted.